#emphasis on the attempts this time because I was truly attempting something here

[aberooski]

Some sketches of my favorite girl 🥰

#I forced myself to try drawing with paper and pencil again today while I was watching my best friend's dog #I also wanted to challenge myself by stepping out of ny stylistic comfort zone since I really only draw ygo stuff #and that's really heavily influenced my own style #all things considered I'd say not too shabby 😌 #I meant to draw a shot of her in jer princess dress but there's too many good briar rose shots man 😭💕 #sleeping beauty #sleeping beauty 1959 #princess aurora #briar rose #my art <3 #abby attempts to draw #emphasis on the attempts this time because I was truly attempting something here #I LOVE HER HAIR IT'S THE PRETTIEST 😭😭😭 #I love how the quality of her hair is the only consistency here

[hana-no-seiiki]

REJECTION

YANDERE! IDOL! OC! (EVE) x IDOL! READER BLURB (ft. new ocs!)

Before we start, I’m excited to announce that I’m finally starting an HNSVerse webtoon/comic series w/ our starting story ( being the one Eve/Jisoo is featured in ) Love ♡ Multiplied ! Invasion of Your Heart this fall. Hope to see you guys during its release ehe.

If you’re new to my blog, go ahead and check the tag hns.eve for more works of him, or check out my master list.

Without further ado, here’s Eve’s first ‘solo’ fic! Enjoy!

warnings: yandere themes (obsessive love, violence, unreliable narrator). mentions of alcohol abuse/alcoholism. incel/nice guy jisoo. profanity.

status: unedited

©️ both the art and story belong to me, please do not redistribute, repost, translate or share without credit/permission.

this particular fic is safe for minors (16+) so no mdni on this folks. feel free to enjoy.

[previous fic / prequel to this fic]

“I’m sorry, but I don’t like you that way.”

Jisoo never truly knew the power of words til he heard you after his confession.

He prepared months in advance, with a dedication that was unusual to him at the time.

He picked the perfect venue, the one convenience store you two always ate onigiri at. He picked the perfect time, sunset — to really set the mood — and a week after monthly examinations so that emotions were not running too high. He spent hours, days, maybe even weeks just agonizing over the words to choose when he finally poured his feelings out. He even prepared for times after the

Throughout his whole time as a trainee, nothing felt as bad as the dejection your words gave him.

“W-what do you mean?”

“You’re more of a dad to me . . .” He saw your eyes flick left and right, clearly uncomfortable with the arrangement despite the plan he meticulously concocted.

Still he could not control the poison from injecting itself within the crevices of his inflection, his delivery coming out as awfully sour — maybe even petty, “A dad? You’re older than me.”

“Yeah, a dad friend. You’re the more mature one between us and . . . I just — I just can’t see you romantically.” If the damage wasn’t enough, you ended your explanation with an emphasis. “Ever.”

You then grabbed your belongings and left. Though, being the polite and kind person you were, you made sure to at least give him a farewell.

Jisoo sighed, looking up towards the convenience store ceiling lights. The sting from the bright luminance distracted him only a little bit before his mind went back to you. Consumed by his thoughts, his heart suddenly began beating a million times a second. A sudden adrenaline rush overcame him.

If you didn’t like him because of his personality, he’ll just go ahead and change that up a bit.

The day right after, Jisoo found himself doing something he would have never even thought of. It was amazing how much you made him realize and change. It was actually why completely fell in the first place.

Though, the changes before were natural and a bit too slow. Jisoo needed to have you as his as soon as he possibly could. And so, change had to happen now and under his jurisdiction.

You weren’t present that day, so it wasn’t too out of the ordinary to follow a couple of trainees out when lessons concluded. Usually he was completely stuck to your side and your side alone. Conversation didn’t come naturally to him, as such friends don’t either.

It took him a few minutes to man up and a long, deep breath to finally attempt getting one of the trainee’s attention.

Daehyun was his name, Jisoo thinks. When getting the former’s attention he opted to tug the guy’s sleeve just to be safe.

“What’s up? Oh, it’s you. ” Daehyun turned around. His silver eyes sparkled underneath the late afternoon’s sunlight. He was one of if not the best dancer in Celestial Entertainment. In addition to that, he was known for charming personality and magnetic stage presence.

Frankly, Jisoo only saw him as annoyingly bright and cheery. They were exact opposites. They fought on a daily basis.

But that was exactly why Jisoo needed him in particular.

“You’re childish.” Jisoo began.

Daehyun’s jaw goes slack at this cool, raven haired giant’s audacity. Most of the time he’d come back with a retort but he was utterly drained from practice. “Ah. . .Okay then. . . Well I gotta go — “

Daehyun jerked his arm away, but that only prompted Jisoo to fully grab him by the bicep, “Teach me.”

“Sorry, I think I’m misunderstandiny you. You want me to teach you how to be childish?“

Jisoo nodded vigorously, “I want to be a better idol. And . . . a better fellow trainee. Listen. I’ve been a terrible person to everyone here. I just want to be better.”

Daehyun doesn’t answer for a long time. Maybe even minutes pass before he did. At least, enough time for the trainee walking alongside him to realize his partner wasn’t near him anymore.

His jaw was still wide open.

“Wow, points for self-awareness yo. Finally.”

“Bold words for someone in punching range.” Jisoo lets go of the shorter man’s arm and crosses his. An eyebrow raised.

“Fine, fine. Guess your short temper hasn’t gone anywhere. Time for Being Chill 101, yeah?” Daehyun then shouted to his companion, an even shorter guy that Jisoo dreaded asking help from. But he was desperate. Beggars can never be choosers. “Hayate! C’mere! Jisoo needs a lil help!”

“Eeehhhhh—?! Jisoo? Asking for help? The gods have answered our prayers!”

Jisoo soon realized that he asked help from a bunch of hooligans.

If he faces rejection again after all this trouble, he might just murder a man.

“Hey.” You walked towards Jisoo with your usual smile.

“Heyyy!” He greeted back. Earning a confused look from you as you sat beside him.

You chuckled at his strange demeanor. Well, maybe it wasn’t so strange. You knew Jisoo could be quite awkward at times. Considering you haven’t seen each-other for months by now, he must feel weird talking to you all of a sudden. Especially after what you did last time. “What has gotten into you?” You asked. It was either your earlier theory or the effect of him hanging out with other people. You heard he started spending some more time with other trainees. Even going on drinking sprees with large groups. You didn’t approve of such activities but were too busy to scold him on the topic lately.

But apparently both of your guesses were ‘wrong’ as he had answered, “Huh? Me? Pffft. Nothing. Justa — think I drank too much coffee.”

You could smell the stench of soju and beer in his breath now that you were closer. “Right. I just wanted to say that we can still hang out you know. Doesn’t mean that I rejected you that we can’t talk anymore.”

“Oh, sorry! Sorry. Did it feel like I was avoiding you? I was just busy with Idol Image training.”

“Idol Image training? I thought you hated those lessons.”

“Ya know me. Indecisive and impulsive as always.”

Jisoo grinned at you. But all you could do was cringe out of pity and guilt.

Apparently the guilt you felt wasn’t enough however as you decided that it was now or never to rub some salt into gaping hole of a wound.

“Almost forgot. I have to tell you something. I got a deal to be a solo artist.”

“Solo what now? I thought we were debuting together.”

“Looking at how you’re dealing with my rejection. I think it’s safe to say that us working and living together won’t go too well. I don’t want to lead you on. We’re friends. Nothing else. Sorry if I did so before.”

You didn’t even let him show you how much he’d improve. How much he worked on his way with words and conversation. Before he even had the chance to show his work you had not only rejected him once again but extinguished any hope from forming.

For once in these past few months when Jisoo had been the most talkative he had ever been in his life, he found himself speechless again.

“Soo?”

“I’m . . . proud of you. Really.”

The awkward air was too much for your to bare, so you left right after. Not a goodbye or even a wave.

Instead he watched as you swiftly made your exit. A frown laced your exquisite features.

He then spotted a man. He looked quite a bit older than you. Elegant and refined, he wore a classic black suit with a long coat draped on his back. Short leather gloves that no doubt hid hands as attractive as his own face. His hair was somehow darker than the one Jisoo was born with.

But what struck the young trainee the most was the man’s pine green eyes. It was like a forest one could easily get lost in. A cliche description he knew. But it was the best he could think of.

Jisoo doesn’t realize the trance he was in until the man suddenly turned straight at him —

— and smirked.

People often saw Jisoo leave early during drinking parties. They chalked it up to his shy nature and he didn’t really have a good tolerance.

In reality it was mostly because he found a perfect victim to vent out his frustrations on that night.

It was usually a person too drunk to even understand or realize what was going on.

“Useless.” He muttered, kicking the random man’s stomach before the latter curled up in the floor in pain.

“Stop! Please stop!”

Jisoo scoffed at his protest. His red eye held no light as he continued his ministrations. This time stomping on the stranger’s cheek. “Utter piece of shit.”

The man stops protesting. All that could be heard in the cold chill of the night, was sounds of harsh impacts and Jisoo’s complaints and self deprecating words.

“Too mature? Bah. Bet that was all a fucking lie. They just couldn’t fuck a pathetic piece of shit like me.” Jisoo gave one last stomp, aiming specifically towards the man’s hazel eyes that reminded him of the person that took you.

Wait.

Eyes. Green Eyes.

That man was the CEO of Celestial Entertainment. A man known to be cut-throat and ruthless. A man who’s infamous for his apathetic nature regarding business. He probably saw your potential and thought that putting you in a group would dim it down.

Ace.

That’s it! You didn’t want to actually go solo. Jisoo understood now. Why was he so stupid?

You were just forced by that smug-faced bastard.

He leaned down, happily whispering in a sing-songy voice to his victim. “Thanks man. You really helped.”

“Woah.” A familiar cheerful voice resonated from behind him.

Jisoo froze.

He was done for. He was going to jail. This was it.

No, he had to calm down. Think rationally. He studied for this goddamn it.

Jisoo slowly spun his head. The happy expression on his face was instantly replaced with a horrified one. A look of confusion, fear and sadness. “Daehyun - 형 . . . he . . he came unto me— “

“Shit bro. No worries I got you covered.”

With rejection came realization. With charm came blind support. And with the right words and proper delivery, any person could be swayed.

“Wanna go drink after this?”

“You paying?”

Jisoo wished, for the good of everyone else and himself, that this green-eyed monster would not freely give rejection as you did.

[ TRANSLATIONS ]

형 - hyeong - older brother (not literal). honorific used by men towards those who are older (also men).

©️ hana.no.seiiki - yun | 2023

#hns.eve #love multiplied 👾❤️ #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere imagine #yandere oc #yandere fic #yandere oc x reader #yandere original character #yandere core #tw yandere #yandere blurb #yandere concept #yandere idol #yandere idol x reader

[lesbiandatekaname]

The "Rusty Quill Article" from the perspective of a journalism student.

So there has been a lot of stuff going around about an article made by someone that lays out some possible/probable/whatever misconduct. And there are some ways that people have been discussing it that I want to weigh in.

My Credentials: I'm in my senior year as a Journalism and Media Production major (I won't say which university because this is the internet). I've taken a lot of courses about journalism, including its ethics and writing conventions.

The Writer

"Who's Afraid of Alex J. Newall?" was written by Newt Schottelkotte on Medium and edited by Tal Minear and Wil Williams. The article extensively details possible misconduct

Possible bias: Upon publishing the article, Schottelkotte made no note of being the Director of Marketing at the podcast network Fables & Folly. When this was pointed out online, Schottelkotte added an editor's note to the bottom of the article that reads

Newt Schottelkotte is currently the Marketing Director for Fable & Folly Network, but has worked as an independent creator and journalist for longer. This information was not disclosed; a disclosure has been added.

So what gives? That's pretty biased, right? Surely F&F stands to gain a lot if Rusty Quill were to shut down or lose public favor, and the author hid that fact. I, however, would take that with a heavy grain of salt. As noted Schottelkotte has worked independently in podcasting since 2016 and got their position at F&F this year. Furthermore, they've actually worked for a lot of podcast networks, also available in that link, and the emphasis on F&F made by some people may be a bit overzealous. Yes, F&F could stand to gain from RQ experiencing troubles (though more of the nebulous way that a lot of podcast networks would), but Schottelkotte overall is an independent contractor and that's probably the reason they didn't mention it in the article originally. Minear and Williams are unaffiliated with F&F.

Something else about journalistic bias: No article is ever truly unbiased. There is no way for it to be. There are some cases where bias is so blatant that the person shouldn't be put on the story, but most of the time the best people are able to do is manage their bias.

The Purpose

Some people have disparaged the article for trying to "cancel" RQ. To this I would merely like to point out that the article is not addressed to podcast consumers, but to podcast creators.

They do address the possible consumers later towards the end, where they attempt to dissuade people from harassing former/current employees and projects

In the final section, they do ask readers to think about supporting The Magnus Protocol Kickstarter with the clear bent of "Supporting the Kickstarter could mean that you're supporting abusive industry practices." There is clearly some biased language here, and a call to action such as this could definitely be considered "iffy" journalism, so take that as you will.

The Sources

Oooooooooh the sources. Schottelkotte's article uses a few external sources, and then a number of anonymous sources that are ex-employees of RQ or people who were offered a position there. All interviewees are anonymous, and people have raised some eyebrows at this.

In journalism you are generally supposed to avoid confidential sources. They cause an obvious verification issue. If people don't know who your sources are, how do they know that you're not just making everything up?

That being said. The audio drama podcast industry is rather small. RQ itself is somewhat of a household name, and is even more of a juggernaut in a place like Britain. I can absolutely understand why these people would feel nervous about speaking publicly for fear of being blacklisted due to being considered "hard to work with" or "disloyal" or fear of backlash from RQ themselves. Take these sources with a grain of salt, but also understand that there are reasonable grounds for these sources being confidential.

Conclusion

I encourage people to go read the article, hence why I linked it at the beginning. Something that I would ask for people who point out the issues with sources is to demand accountability from RQ. Demand that they respond (As Schottelkotte asked them to do at least once, possibly several times. It's a bit unclear in the article). Look at the facts that we do know and ask yourself that even if they don't directly verify claims do they at least line up with them? Journalism is meant to inform, but there can also be more beyond a dichotomy "this article is can be trusted" vs. "this article cannot be trusted." Use this as an opportunity to ask questions.

#rusty quill situation #rusty quill

[flightfoot]

I really love how with Adrien’s and Nino’s friendship in Miraculous, it feels pretty even between the two of them. Like yeah, Nino’s concerned about how Gabriel treats Adrien and tries to help him when he can, but that’s not the sole focus of his character - a lot of the time, Adrien is actually helping NINO with his plans or problems, like with volunteering as his wingman in Animan, or listening to his relationship troubles and suspicions in Rocketear and attempting to assuage them. 

Aside from that, Adrien also joins in on group projects that Nino helms, without taking them over - think Horrificator and Queen Banana, with him being an actor in both cases, but with emphasis still being placed more on Nino as director, than on Adrien being an actor (especially in Queen Banana. I loved Adrien chastising Chloe for being mean to everyone.) There’s also cases like Illusion, which despite being about a plan to akumatize Adrien’s father, was very much helmed and focused around Nino deciding to do this for his own sake, it wasn’t because of Nino centering things around Adrien, it was because he just thought Gabriel would make the best target. Nino’s actions centered around Nino’s goals, not Adrien’s. Though I do kinda wish he’d considered the consequences for Adrien more, but I don’t think he truly understands how dangerous Gabriel is, so I can see why he might have made a misstep there.

We also get to see little asides of Adrien and Nino just having a good time together, which I adore, like hearing about Adrien and Nino playing video games together during Dark Owl, and seeing Nino sharing his favorite comedian skits with Adrien in Psycomedian - something that he doesn’t really like that much, but which he still watches, because Nino recommended it. They just enjoy spending time together!

Actually thinking about it, even in the episodes where Nino’s explicitly taking actions for Adrien’s sake, Nino’s still the one with the focus and agency in those circumstances. Like in The Bubbler, he’s the one who decided that Adrien not getting a birthday party was whack, and attempted to talk to Gabriel about it. His negative feelings about Gabriel, and adults in general, being awful was what got him akumatized. And in Party Crasher, he was the one who made that entire plan happen to throw a party, he wasn’t playing second fiddle to Adrien there.

I just really appreciate that while Nino is Adrien’s best friend, and Adrien has a lot more focus and a greater role in the story overall, in the instances when Nino and Adrien ARE on-screen together, the narrative doesn’t treat Nino like he’s just there to support or accentuate Adrien - their friendship genuinely feels like a two-way street, not like Nino’s life revolves around Adrien’s. Especially with how Adrien joins in on schemes that Nino comes up with and helps to provide Nino with support her his own personal problems, that’s actually kinda rare when it comes to protagonists (well in this case Adrien is the Deuteragonist, which may make a difference here) and their best friends.

#ml analysis #adrien agreste #nino lahiffe #miraculous ladybug #Still like how the two of them have managed to dodge the Black Best Friend trope like champs #They are friends who care about each other and like spending time together #But neither of them only exists for the other #Nino ain't Adrien's sidekick #They're friends

[lunaetis]

𝐏𝐒𝐀 - 𝐄𝐃𝐄𝐍'𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐀𝐋 ( 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭-𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐲 )

this is subject to change once we see more of the new storyline, but eden's demeanor and personality post-penacony would change quite significantly from what we have seen prior. those who had met her before penacony and had formed a solid enough bond with her would be able to notice this change. prior to the events in penacony, eden was fairly trusting and open with strangers. she had no problem approaching others or open up about herself if she deemed the individual trustworthy enough by her standard. however, after penacony ( or at least up to the current point in time of 2.0 update ), eden will be less open and much more cautious when it comes to strangers. i'm still not sure yet how the event and story would unfold from here, but i can say for certain that the recent happenings and experience in the dreamscape will change the way i write eden with others. i'll list significant changes below ( to be updated & subjected to change ) :

overall less open, less trusting, more cautious. less optimistic, more realistic.

more observant, pays more attention to both her own body language and other's.

less energetic demeanor. more reserved. dimmer light in her golden eyes.

no longer quick to get attached, keeps distance with people.

is still blunt and forward at times but choose her words much more carefully.

more averse to physical touches when it comes to strangers / acquaintances. does not flinch away from challenging or daring touches but will brush away friendly touches / intimacy unless she truly trusts the individual.

quite self-conscious about the stellaron scar on her chest.

actively tries to be more analytical and less instinctual ( heavily situational. emphasis on actively trying. she's instinctual by nature, she's attempting to go against it and be more analytical. )

please note that these changes may or may not be long-term due to recent experience and exposure. this is a defense mechanism for eden. it's a change she felt the need to adapt in order to keep going and to survive this journey. she's still learning and developing as story goes, i just feel that i should write it out because it's heavily affecting how i'd write her interacting with other muses.

as mentioned, muses who met her prior to penacony will be able to notice the change ( including any hsr muses before introduction of penacony and her ship partners. ) whether you have your muses acknowledge it in our interactions / conversations is completely optional ! any new meetings that takes place post-penacony will have her new demeanor active. no prior relationships will be affected, of course. how she behaves with those she trusts wouldn't change much ( but that also depends on how deep the bond goes. ) so mostly it's new meetings / acquaintances that would be affected by this change the most !

sorry for the long read — i actually still have a lot to unpack regarding why and how these changes come about ( it's not just penacony, but its something accumulated over time. penacony events are just the trigger for it. ) but i'll get into that in a separate post because this is already lengthy hjklhjkl thank you for reading !

#.headcanon: eden | trailblazer #[ tHIS IS LONGER THAN I THOUGHT #why do i always ramble when it comes to eden hjkljhjkl #but yes i hope this makes senses ! #tbh i was on the fence abt it for days --- in the end i decide to make a post for it #bc no matter how penacony ends i think the experience would still leave a scar on her one way or the other #and i cannot see eden being as carefree as she was prior to penacony after everything that happened #this doesn't apply to crack & lighter interactions ofc but like just general demeanor change ! #it's the same thing with how i write lumine that she changes as story progresses #but since eden's changes would be quite striking from how i used to write her before i think a proper post is due #i'll reblog this a few times ! #she's still my silly raccoon but traumatized™ ]

[tearblossom]

There are times when Travis unintentionally reveals his attraction to Laura by trying to do the exact opposite - hide it. He lies and uses diversion tactics but they actually have the opposite effect. It's a case of someone's desperate attempt to try and cover something up actually revealing much more than if they had just left it alone.

This exchange between them is one such instance but the moment in question isn’t until the very end of the conversation.

Laura: The second we get out of here you're toast, mother fucker!

Travis: Sure.

Travis: The second you get out.

Laura: Wait- Wait - We'll... 

Laura: answer your questions. (his face here LOL)

Laura: You just can't lock us up in here with no goddamned explanation and expect us to be all butter and cupcakes, okay? Just work with us here!

Travis: You have nothing to bargain with. ⬇️⬇️⬇️

A lot of eye movement and blinking going on here.

His response, "You have nothing to bargain with." doesn’t reveal much on it's own but let’s take a closer look at where his eyes wander as he's saying it.

This puts the meaning of, "You have nothing to bargain with." in an entirely new light, a light that gives him away: a big-ass spotlight called Sexual Desire.

Also..

He's lying because he doesn't want Laura to know that he's attracted to her. And he doesn't want her to know that he's attracted to her because it's a weakness that she could possibly exploit and he can't afford to risk that. Nevertheless, his lustful gaze betrays him and only serves to bring attention to the very thing he's denying. Laura very much has something to bargain with should she so choose.

As he walks away, he smiles confidently and laughs to himself as if saying, Yeah, I did it! Take that, temptress!

He's so proud of himself and thinks he's just done an amazing job of hiding it when he's actually failed miserably.

Instance number two..

While Travis' approach in the previous one relied on lying straight to Laura's face, his approach here relies on the aforementioned diversion tactic.

Travis: Nice job cleaning up.

Travis: The eye, I mean.

When he says, “Nice job cleaning up.” he is, indeed, referring to her eye but he very spur-of-the-momently feels the need to clarify this further with, “The eye, I mean.”

A bit of over-clarification, wouldn’t you say?

Why would he want to make extra sure that Laura knows he's 100%, absolutely, positively talking about her eye and NOTHING else? It's because he's afraid she might take, "Nice job cleaning up." as - You clean up nice, the famous pick-up line.

And the way he says it.. he puts stronger emphasis/inflection on the word eye, specifically. 

“The EYE, I mean.”

He panics and overcompensates in his effort to make clear the fact he isn’t flirting, diverting attention away from the possible misunderstanding but consequently drawing more attention to it.

In other words, he isn’t flirting with her in this particular moment but because he's madly attracted to her and doesn't want her to know, he worries that she might catch on anyway and unnecessarily camouflages it. This has the opposite effect and makes his attraction stick out like a sore thumb.

If Travis was truly not attracted to Laura at all then the need to do this would not have even occurred to him. He would have just said, "Nice job cleaning up." and been done with it. There would have been no need for any further clarification, no need to use it to cover up his attraction.

Also, he's drinking and being under the influence makes one more vulnerable and open to persuasion. He would be much easier to seduce in this state and he knows it.

#long post #the quarry #travis hackett #laura kearney #the lovers #hackearney #travis x laura

[candycandy00]

So I've been seeing a lot of discussion lately about the Todoroki family subplot and some things that keep being brought up are these questions: "What should Endeavor have done? Should he have just kept encouraging Touya to be a hero even though he was burning himself? Wouldn't that make him an even worse father?"

So I wanted to talk about that. A lot of Endeavor defenders seem to think his heart was always in the right place, he only wanted to protect Touya from his own quirk, etc. And I totally disagree with that idea. Let me get this out of the way first: I don't hate Endeavor as a character. In fact, I think he's a very interesting and important character for the story, to show that heroes are not infallible, that they can seem upstanding to the public while being terrible in private.

And I also think his redemption arc is going well. At every single point, I had the fear that this would be it. This would be the moment his family suddenly forgives him and all his past deeds are swept under the rug. I was sure this would happen after his dramatic battle with the nomu in Kyushu. When I saw his kids watching the battle, I thought, "Here we go. All it took was one dramatic fight and he's forgiven." But it didn't happen that way, and I'm so glad it didn't. I'm so glad he has to WORK for it. He has to KEEP WORKING for it. And I do think it's possible for him to change and actually be a decent father to his children. If he keeps fighting for that. If he keeps up his good behavior and shows that he's a changed man. So, please don't assume I just hate his guts and don't want to accept any charitable opinions of him just because I'm stubborn.

So, about what he could have done differently with Touya. First of all, he could have not tied Touya's worth as a person and as a son to his potential to be a hero that can surpass All Might. He instilled that line of thinking into Touya from the very beginning, with no regard to how that could end up backfiring. He never should have put so much emphasis on that while raising Touya.

But, okay, what's done is done. What about after he realized Touya's quirk was injuring him, literally burning him? What could he have done differently at that point? Were his options truly limited to "let him keep burning himself alive" or "tell him to abandon his dream and then ignore him in favor of the child who can still make my dreams come true"? Of course not. There's a middle ground, and Endeavor made no attempt to find it because he was too preoccupied with Shouto.

What Endeavor should have done was actually have a real talk with Touya and LISTEN to him. Because then he would have known how important being a hero was to Touya. He should have told Touya "Yes, you can still be a hero, but we need to proceed more carefully and figure out a way to get around your weakness to fire. We'll find a way for you to use your quirk safely so you can be the best hero ever!" Even if he didn't believe it himself, Touya would have believed it. Because Touya was a child. And hey, with all the cool technology and support gear in this universe, it's entirely possible (maybe even probable) that they would have actually found a workaround for Touya's quirk. He should have encouraged Touya's dream while also explaining to him that he has to be more careful not to damage his body. He could have said something like "If you damage your body too much, you won't be able to be a hero in the future! So let's find a safe way for you to train!" And actually, you know, do that.

All of this pain and suffering, the creation of Dabi the villain, could have been avoided if Endeavor had only been willing to put in the time and effort it would require to keep training Touya (carefully) and maybe do a little research on ways to help prevent him from burning himself. But Endeavor didn't want to do that because he wanted to invest all of his time into poor Shouto. He didn't have TIME for Touya and Touya's dreams and Touya's weaknesses. The truth is, Endeavor must have known that Touya could still have been a hero, even with his weakness to fire. He just couldn't be a hero that would surpass All Might. And if he couldn't do that? Then Endeavor had no interest in him.

So yeah, Endeavor had other options. He was just so eager to move on from Touya, who would have been more difficult to train, to Shouto, that he didn't even try to explore any of those options. In short, he put his own needs and interests above the needs of his son, and this is the result. Endeavor doesn't get "good father" points for telling Touya to stop training and stop burning himself. Because it was never about Touya. It was about himself.

#Dabi #Touya Todoroki #Endeavor #Todoroki Touya #Boku no Hero Academia

[sailorblossoms]

I was thinking about Simon and dissociation as a way to cope with trauma, and how I really don't think it started between the events of CO and WS at all (Baz remembers Simon going glassy-eyed and unresponsive, stopping their attempts at intimacy). We know Simon deals with the truly bad stuff by completely pushing it out of his mind, as if it never happened, to the point there are things (like his childhood) he doesn't remember, he just remembers how he felt in general, that it was bad (although sometimes, "he slips" and provides us little glimpses). @ionlydrinkhotwater has a post on this, and there's an example of self-harm in CO that tell us this: when there are potential triggers, Simon uses self-harm to ground himself and distract himself from emotional/mental pain.

In the example in question, Penny is telling Simon he can't come with her on Christmas, because her mom doesn't trust Simon (because of his association with the mage). In this scene, we have the following: an adult who finds Simon potentially dangerous and untrustworthy, Simon being by himself when everyone else is off to be with their families, and potentially not having enough to eat. These are all things that could potentially make his mind go to the trauma of spending time in care (even worse considering that food=connection and love in the series). That's when he intentionally slams his shoulder against a wall, while basically thinking about using physical pain to make him feel better.

This brings me to the other time he uses a wall to cause himself pain:

He's discussing his sexuality with Baz, generally avoiding actually engaging with the questions (to avoid processing) until he does. It's clear he doesn't really want to talk (or think) about sex with Agatha or whether he was attracted to her (I have many words on why I think the experience sucked ass for them) he keeps kicking the wall, he keeps asking if "Baz is done" drinking so Simon can turn around and continue their rat-hunting date. It's only because Baz insists on something that feels wrong for Simon that he finally processes enough to say everything he believed (that he was attracted, that they would marry) was wrong, that his feelings were "perfectly manageable" because he isn't even sure he felt anything.

I'm going to be blunt here: I don't think sex (and related) has ever been good for Simon (unlikely he did much tbh). Not with anyone, not by himself. Not until he's getting off with Baz while both still have their pants on! (He's just so happy here, in the aftermath, there's so much emphasis on this being good, and when Baz is freaking out, it's so telling that one of the first things Simon does to calm him is asking him "did anything happen that you didn't want to happen?")

Before this, you can tell, when inside his head in WS, that he's not even comfortable with it. When he's thinking about failed attempts at intimacy with Baz, he can't even say it. He's like "when we- when i-" or something, he can't finish the sentence. The Baz from the memory is the one who makes it explicit that there was attempted sex with his questions. And this is already when it's clear to Simon that he wants Baz in that way, that he's the only person he has ever wanted (sexual attraction) and that he has ever loved, like this (romantic love).

It's likely that his difficulties with sex go back to his trauma in care: people who have been physically abused as children are likely to dissociate during sex. It's also common for people with ptsd. But even more, it's not unlikely that there's some level of conservative trauma there (he struggles with internalized homophobia, crosses associated with homophobia etc) alongside general discomfort, and not feeling safe, which makes it very likely that Simon never felt comfortable enough to consider wanking.

He wouldn't have felt safe and secure enough at Watford for that either: notably, when Baz remembers wanking, it's when Simon was away on a mission, and Baz had privacy. Simon was busy: when he wasn't fighting, with the mage, in classes, or spending time with Penny and Agatha, he was following Baz around. In Ws, he thinks about how "hot" it was that he could watch him fight without picking up a fight with him himself. Simon picking fights with Baz was part of him being horny. It's fitting that he'd be more likely to look for outlets like fighting, or sword training, or similar physical activities whenever he got "hot and bothered" in that way. Not mentioning wanking also tracks with him not understanding whenever he's feeling attraction (and when he isn't) given that this is something associated with figuring out what you like, what gets you there, and where your mind likes to go to get you going, etc. And it also goes along with Simon having "responsibilities", expectations, a role: none of these have any room for Simon's wants and desires. Until he's kissing Baz for the first time, these are not even up for consideration in his head.

Another thing that would've repressed the fuck out of Simon is his crazy magic (which ties into his role and expectations). Whenever he gets worked out, it spills all over. Baz returned to school, and in the first class they had together, Simon wouldn't stop staring at him, and then his classmates start to get sick from his magic. Hate to be crass but there's simply no way in hell that boy could've successfully wanked without causing a whole incident. Much safer to just keep it in his pants and take out his sword. (Much "safer" for everyone else too, for Simon to be repressed, especially given how worked out and affected he got over Baz).

I'm gonna have to be crass again and say that there's truly no way in hell that Simon, in possession of his crazy magic, was ever attracted to Agatha, or even liked being intimate with her. Otherwise, the poor girl simply wouldn't have survived sex with him. It would have been an incident at her house. (Penny notes that Agatha is especially intolerant to Simon's magic, she was twitchy for a whole week after Simon went off to save both girls once). This wouldn't have been a problem, however, if Simon didn't get worked up. If he wasn't excited, if he didn't actually want it. The vulnerability of sex can bring up relationship problems, and a big thing with these two is comphet. "Going through the motions" is indicative of mentally checking out too. Dissociation (for both tbh, although maybe on different levels, with Simon being much worse) is the most likely scenario for going through with it when it wasn't something he wanted, but felt pressured: he had to. Dissociation wouldn't only prevent him from feeling pleasure, it could also make it difficult for him to feel any physical sensations in the moment.

I keep bringing this up too, because it works to quickly summarize something that's brought up on 3 different scenes (rat-hunting date, and both times Baz and Simon have sex).

I have a post where I elaborate on this, but basically, there's a paragraph that's constructed to make a comparison without Simon actually having to think about his past experience with Agatha. With Baz he's very turned on, he's very in love, and he actually wants it. With Agatha, it was the complete opposite. And then, he lets it go. He closes the door on that, so he can have something he wants now, without the baggage of the past.

Because that's another thing with dissociation: besides the traumas, the anxiety, and the stress, it can also be caused by fear of intimacy. Simon doesn't want Baz to see him for "what he really is", when he's feeling broken. While there are many other elements that got between them (broken communication, fractured emotional intimacy, first time experiencing overwhelming sexual desire, and not knowing how to get what he wants, etc) this fear can also come from trauma related to previous relationships (like perhaps having a precedent of forcing yourself to do things when you didn't really want them).

I don't think it's a coincidence that Simon talks to Baz about his past, no good sexual experience before they're able to have sex. It notably happens at a sort of middle point, and is a necessary step that facilitated Simon's ability to let that go, to close the door on it, without him having to go through the experience in his head by himself (he never thinks about it, reaffirming it as a negative experience). He starts processing it with Baz. He notes how big the difference is when you actually want it, when you're actually feeling. And that's quite big for Simon.

Another notable thing is that when they get back together, when they're communicating and Simon can get comfortable in the certainty that Baz wants him, suddenly, it's not quite as hard to think about sex and desire anymore. Simon has no problem thinking about his cock, and how he wants to cum on Baz (surely more than one reader was knocked on their ass with this, it's a hell of a change from the way Simon was thinking about intimacy before!). Very notable too is that Baz, a natural caretaker, is able to instinctively ground Simon (Simon needs directions, a map to get to his destination, and Baz provides this, which Simon notes as "Baz driving") ("just kiss me for the sake of kissing me"). They do this verbal check-in with each other too when they have sex again, which works to ground Simon as much as it works to reassure Baz (who worries, after many failed attempts, if Simon is present and wants everything that's happening)

#yet another semi-coherent rant #starting to use that read more button to see if i can make shit more organized #simon snow #baz pitch #baz x simon #snowbaz #simon snow trilogy #carry on #baz grimm pitch #awtwb

[xxruinaxxmcu]

Jack Thompson X Reader

What Lies Before Us, Chapter 18

Previous Chapters

A/N: Apologies for the long pause. I actually had this chapter in reserve but never got around to publishing it. What made me publish it today was A) time and B) the lovely, lovely words by @clinicallydepressedreader under one of the previous chapters. Thanks, my dear! It’s people like you that make this more than worth it. I am so honoured to have had that impact on your perception on Jack - truly, it means the world! The characters are actually the most difficult part for me to get right (in terms of the canon timelines and their stories) because the historical background, well... my full-time job is researching the 1930s/1940s in Germany. That certainly helped!

“Clear.”

The room hadn’t been made by room service, who had adhered to the sign outside the door asking for privacy.

“Those are the plans Elias had handed over to them”, Y/N pointed to the desk, recognising the blueprints from Peggy’s descriptions.

“Wasn’t one for much private stuff”, Jack commented. They found no pictures, only the absolute necessities. Crouching down next to the bed, Jack saw something buried below the mattress.

“Wannabe spy”, he commented sarcastically, pulling out a notebook.

Projekt Kriegerblut

HYDRA, Abteilung Forschung für Neurologie und Psychoanalytik

BETA-Proband M.C.

Start Behandlung: September 1940

Y/N had noticed him reading something. “You found something?”

“Hard to say, what does ‘Kriegerblut’ mean?”

“Warrior’s blood”, Y/N frowned, “Why?” He handed her the notebook.

“I think that could link to your friend there.”

Y/N’s eyes scanned the pages. “If that refers to Carter, then lord help us, given that he’s only the beta candidate. Means that somewhere out there, they have a more finalised candidate. One that does, whatever the intent is, better than our man”, she stated, flipping through the pages. Most were notes by doctors about the change in brain scans after repeated torture and electroshock ‘therapy’.

“What does it say?”, Jack asked impatiently.

“Shhh”, she hushed, “I gotta first read it!”

Loading all the evidence into their car, Y/N continued her lecture whilst Jack started driving to Sousa’s location.

“Unbelievable”, Y/N eventually whispered, “that is actually unbelievable.”

“What is it?”, Jack’s eyes met hers for a split-second, so he saw her deep concern.

“If whatever they are describing here is factual”, she began, “then they are attempting to manipulate individuals, basically rewiring their brains to become assassins devoid of will.”

“Absolute mind control?”, he asked in disbelief, “that’s impossible. That’s gotta be impossible.” Taking over someone temporarily by creating a momentary delusion as had been the case in Fennhoff’s technique was one thing, rewiring someone’s brain fundamentally an entirely different.

Y/N raised an eyebrow: “I hope so, too, but then again, I guess people in the French Revolution would’ve said the same thing about the atomic bomb falling out of freaking planes.”

“So, what, he doesn’t know who he is? So we’re talking to an empty shell now, lacking the chip on the shoulder with the puppet master dead?”, Jack inquired, still not entirely convinced that whatever they had found could actually be reality.

“Do I look like I have experience with Nazi mind control?”, Y/N asked back with a huff, “All I can say is what they reported here. The candidate was captured in summer of 1940, and is described as a ‘European individual in his mid-20s of healthy status’. Age and time of capture would coincide with Michael’s presumed death, and well, there’s the matching initials. Apparently, he was candidate 19, and the only one not to die in the process. He was tortured for months, Jack.”

“Sorry if my sympathy is not overflowing just yet. The guy tried to kill you not even five hours ago, Y/N!”

“Yes, with an emphasis on tried”, Y/N agreed, “but we’re all alive, the kid’s fine, and I only have a bandage and a nasty gash to remind me. Had a scar there anyways, so never mind.” She exhaled. “What’s my concern now is that we need someone… someone we can trust who has experience with this sorta thing. I know absolutely no one that fits the bill. You?”

“Neither.”

“Then let’s hope the old trick of hitting him hard enough on the head works”, Y/N commented dryly, “I’m not betting on getting help from the one mind-control expert we’ve come across in the last two years in the form of Fennhoff.”

Once more, silence returned to their car. Y/N knew he was upset, it was written all across his face.

“Are you angry that I didn’t shoot him, are you pissed I didn’t let him shoot the kid, or are you angry that we’re headed to see a possible mad man right now?”, she asked, tilting her head, “or is it all of the above?”

“I’m not angry.”

“Yes”, Y/N snorted, “you are in a glorious mood.”

“No, I’m not”, he agreed, “but I’m not angry. I’m just waiting for this campaign to be over. It feels like since Stark’s disappearance last year, we’ve been chasing boogiemen across the globe and every time we think we’re done, it just continues.”

“I know”, Y/N said quietly, “I’m tired, too.” She swallowed: “But we can’t just ditch now, can we? I mean, you saw Peggy’s face in there. We can’t just leave her and Sousa with someone – or something – of which we have no idea what he’s capable of.”

“Yeah”, he rubbed the bridge of his nose, “I know.” Clenching his jaw, he accepted his fate, and his mind returned to duty. “How’d you think we interrogate him? If that file is correct, I doubt he’ll react much to the stick.”

Y/N nodded. “Probably he won’t, yeah”, pressing her lips together, “again, I have no knowledge of how to de-programme someone like that. I suppose reconnecting with his past, with his identity would be an avenue. To turn him from Candidate 19 back to Michael Carter.”

“But only Peggy knew him back then”, he interjected, “she can’t interrogate him! That’s bound to fail.”

“Why, because it’s her brother?”, Y/N raised an eyebrow.

Jack looked at her as if asking that question was a crime all by itself. “Yes”, he hissed, “because he’s her brother!”

“You know”, Y/N said with a grin, “Now I know why she always butted heads with you. You and him? You could be related. And from what she told me about him, I think even some of the character traits line up.”

He looked offended: “That’s harsh.”

“You met a monster”, she objected, “I doubt he was like that when they were playing knights in the garden.”

Now, he laughed. “Doesn’t surprise me one bit. Couldn’t imagine Marge being a princess.”

…………

“Rose?”, Y/N asked when they approached the cellar in which Sousa had handcuffed Carter to an interrogation table, “how’s everyone?”

Rose gave her a telling look: “Everyone is just in shock.”

“Is Sousa with him?”, Jack asked and Rose nodded, pointing to the room where they could sit in to the interrogation from behind the one-way mirror.

“Peggy in there?”, Y/N asked, and Rose nodded again.

“Gimme a second”, Y/N said to Jack and left to enter the room. “Peggy?”

The woman sat on the desk, legs crossed. She didn’t look sad, or like she had cried. She looked completely blank as her eyes flickered over to Y/N.

“How’s your arm?”

“Fine.”

Y/N sat next to her, looking into the interrogation room.

“What have I missed?”, she asked silently.

“Nothing”, Peggy said bitterly, “he’s said absolutely nothing.”

“I would have guessed so”, Y/N said, deciding to be upfront, “Jack discovered a notebook in Keller’s room. We weren’t sure if it was referring to him, but the evidence all points in that direction. If we are correct, then HYDRA reprogrammed his brain. A sort of mind control. They detailed how they got him to that point, but unfortunately, nothing of how to reverse it.”

“Mind control?”, Peggy asked, forcing herself to look away from Michael, now facing Y/N. Y/N could practically see her trying to pull herself together.

“Yeah, but different than what Fennhoff did with people like Chief Dooley. It’s much more… fundamental”, Y/N tried to explain, “I read it just now on our way here. It was pain-based. Peggy, the details don’t matter that much, but they’ve tortured him for months. It took months for them to drill him into a tool. He became Kandidat 19 – Keller addressed him in that way, too. It would seem that by the time they were done with him, he’d fall into bouts of servitude.” She paused. “But he isn’t perfect. He was referred to as the BETA candidate. In some of the notes, they described how he’d fall out of his trance mid-mission or not act out the actions they wanted him to do in as miniscule detail as they would have liked. I think they decided to make several changes for their next generation of candidates, something with trigger words. I don’t know what they would’ve changed, but they didn’t do that with Michael.”

Peggy remained silent for a while. The door opened and Jack entered, nodding at Peggy.

“Do you think I can get through to him, Y/N?”, Peggy asked. Y/N felt helpless – She had nothing to base this upon. She was forced to answer a question she couldn’t have known the answer to.

“I believe we will not leave any stone unturned”, Y/N spoke eventually. “Dooley got out of his trance somehow. There must be a way to break this, too, even if it takes more than Jack banging against a door.”

“You think it’s some sort of drill, right?”, Jack asked Y/N, to which she only nodded. “Then it’s most likely connected to self-discipline, right? I dunno, maybe some sort of learnt behaviour that was reinforced by HYDRA, disobedience means torture, so self-discipline is a self-protection.”

Y/N remained quiet because she wanted to know where he was headed with this.

“Well, if it is, then we need to break down his ability to self-discipline.” He said it so matter-of-fact that Y/N had to glance to Peggy, only to see that the brunette also didn’t seem to know what Jack was getting at.

“And how do you suspect we do that, Doctor?”, Y/N asked, crossing her arms.

Jack looked at her with a deadpan look: “It’s my suggestion. It’s gonna involve alcohol. Isn’t that your rationale for hardly touching that stuff?”

“You wanna get him drunk?”, Y/N said, not knowing if he was kidding.

“You got a better idea? It’s probably less harmful than some of the harder drugs out there”, he shrugged.

Y/N turned to Peggy: “Thoughts?”

“He finds gin repulsive”, she said sarcastically, “you better get whiskey.”

“See?”, Y/N said with a grin looking at Thompson, “I knew you two share similarities!” He shot her a venomous glare.

“You don’t happen to have a bottle in the trunk, do you?”, she asked sarcastically, causing him to open his mouth in offence.

“D’you think I’m an alcoholic over here?”

“Nah, I told you before, it’s gotten much better”, she shrugged with a smile, “but I was just checking. I’ll get us the goods.”

…………

When they informed Daniel about the plan, he looked at Thompson and L/N as if they were from outer space.

“That’s your plan?”, he asked, just to be sure he didn’t miss a part, “You’ll get him drunk?”

“Yes”, Thompson confirmed.

“My bad”, Sousa’s tone was mocking, “Here I thought we were the Strategic Scientific Reserve, not the college fraternity admitting another member into our ranks of crazy.”

“If you happened to have gathered some intel about German mind control techniques in the trenches of Bastogne, by all means, dogface”, Thompson huffed, “Speak up.”

Sousa rolled his eyes at the insult. “You know, if there’s one thing the likes of you have in common – it’s that they will go above and beyond to remind the rest of the servicemen that they’re Marines.”

Jack slapped him on the shoulder: “Naturally. We did the legwork for it. Don’t worry, we made even more fun of the swab-jockeys than your kind.”

Y/N scoffed, shaking her head. “I guess that referred to the poor sailors that had to work beside you.”

“How’d you guess?”, Jack asked, knowing that she’d probably not have had contact with many members from the Navy during her time in the European theatre.

“Believe it or not, but the distain you had on your face when you spoke to Luke who has been in the Navy was a clear indicator that you don’t hold them in the highest of regards”, she replied, “might have just been Luke, though, and just a lucky guess this time around.”

He winked: “To us, the US Navy was the Marine’s taxi service.”

“Oh my God, way to boast about your choice of branch”, she rolled her eyes amusedly, “C’mon, warrior of God, we’re off to meet Rose and the kid. They left for another safehouse an hour ago.”

“What, we’re not leaving Carter with Sousa and Carter!”, he objected, “besides, last time I checked, I’m the most senior interrogator.”

“Yeah”, she raised an eyebrow at him, “and I’ve seen my share of drunk people for this month. What’s your point?” That remark gave her the reaction she had intended for it to generate – slight embarrassment – as she added: “Besides, he’s cuffed to a table, and we tied down his feet. We’ll put the bunker on lockdown and you’ll need a password to unlock it, so he can’t get out.” She grabbed him by the arm: “Now get going or I swear I will always and forever refer to as a soldier.”

………

“We’re not leaving just to check on the other two, are we?”, Jack asked in the car.

Y/N took notice that he had correctly deducted that from her previous behaviour.

“I think that we shouldn’t be listening in on whatever Peggy has to say to possibly get through to him”, she confirmed quietly, “Peggy’s usually very quiet when it’s about her private life, particularly the one she had before the war.”

“She told you about Michael”, he pointed out, “you’re sure it’s about us listening in, and not just about me listening in?” He shot her a side-glance before returning to the road.

Y/N studied his face. He didn’t seem hurt by the implication, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t.

“No”, she disagreed, “I knew very little about her life, despite having lived with her. I knew that she had a brother and she showed me a few pictures, and she told me that she didn’t have a particularly cordial relationship to her mother. Found her too boyish. I guess the problematic family relations were a point for us to bond over.” She sighed: “I’m sure she would’ve told you if… well. It’s always harder to say these things to people who come from a family that’s intact. It makes you mourn your losses all over again.” Once she had uttered the words, she realised how utterly sad they had sounded, which was reflected on Jack’s concerned face.

“I don’t feel that way when I’m with your family”, she added quickly, “I have known them for what seems like my entire life.”

He cleared his throat, taking his hand off the clutch for a moment to grab her left hand and grazing the ring on her finger: “They’ll be your family, too.”

……….

Entering the other safehouse, which was an unused office building formerly used by the SSR, Elias and Rose were chatting in one of the rooms, evidently about how American and German pies were nothing alike.

Y/N shot Jack a glance. He raised an eyebrow and remarked: “Didn’t take the kid to be a baker.”

“Neither.”

Hearing their voices, Rose and Elias watched them enter.

“Agent L/N, how is your arm?”

“Don’t worry”, she waved her hand, “Unlike the SSR men, I used my arm to take it, not my sternum.”

“And you accuse me of bragging”, Jack complained with a grin that he couldn’t quite wipe off his face.

“Oh please”, Y/N rolled her eyes, “I’m actually surprised you didn’t get one of those dodgy tattoos during service. Well, I suppose you make up for it verbally.”

She could see the thoughts spinning in Elias’ face, when she realised that to him, they were Chief Thompson of the NY SSR, and Agent L/N from the NY SSR. Peggy and Daniel had probably seen no need to mention the fact that there was a private dimension to their relationship, hence, her remarks must have come across as incredibly rude for a simple subordinate.

“Don’t worry”, she said in German with a grin, “he’s my fiancé. I’m the one person in this agency that’s allowed to be honest with him.”

“What?”, Jack asked when Elias started laughing.

“Nothing”, Y/N said in a sing-song-voice, “Asked him if he enjoyed his experience in the field today.”

Jack didn’t believe a word of what she was saying and eyed her suspiciously. “Sure.”

“Chief Sousa called a moment ago, something about a report”, Rose spoke up, “He said you two will know what to do.”

“Yeah, that’s a nice term for filing duty”, Y/N remarked dryly, “About the mission.”

She looked around, searching for a desk. “How about this, I’ll do the filing, you”, she turned to Jack, “find us something to eat. I’m starving.”

“You volunteer to do the filing?”, he asked, acting shocked.

“I can be nice from time to time”, she grinned, “Deal?”

“You bet!”

…………

“So you two are headed back to New York soon?”, Elias asked over dinner, which were burgers, because, as Jack had explained, that was the most convenient to get into the car.

Y/N looked over to Jack. “Yes, at least for a while.”

“We’re leaving the SSR”, Jack shared, causing Rose to almost drop her food.

“WHAT?”, she exclaimed, “Who’s going to take care of the east, then?!”

Y/N chuckled at her panic. “Don’t worry, Rose. The SSR will be in the best of hands. Perhaps the most capable hands it could ever want. Isn’t that right, Thompson?”

He rolled his eyes at the teasing tone in her voice. “Yeah, yeah.”

“Carter’s going to be in charge”, Y/N said to explain, “she, Colonel Philips and Howard Stark will restructure the SSR.”

Rose pursed her lips, before smiling brightly: “That sounds exciting!”

“Yes, for your sake, I hope Stark’s not too involved”, Jack scoffed, “otherwise, the new offices might explode. Or implode. It’s concerning both happened before.”

“Oh, come on”, Y/N shook her head, “He was involved in almost all the biggest scientific developments of the last decades. And those functioned as intended. At least most of them.”

“I am also very confident that his rocket programme will turn out to be a success”, Elias said with a small smile, “who knows, Stark tech might just be the first man-made thing to land on the moon.”

“The moon?”, Jack asked, not convinced. “Yeah, sure. Why not.”

“Yes, he intends to send a manned rocket to the moon”, Elias nodded, “that’s why he hired me, amongst others.”

“Great”, Thompson scoffed, “make it a one-way ticket and I’ll support it.”

Y/N laughed: “I said to Peggy that you’d say that.”

“If you’re leaving the SSR, what’s next for Chief Thompson and Agent L/N?”, Rose asked curiously.

“The CIA is looking for people with experience to build up their rows”, Jack said, “they were quick to offer us a position.”

“With the new division of responsibility amongst the intelligence services, the SSR won’t be able to act with the level of freedom it was able to in the war and up until September”, Y/N added, “and things in Europe and Asia only seem to become more volatile again. Might be of use to work for the agency that’ll be able to work on the ground.”

She saw Elias’ concerned face. “Do you still have family there?”

“In Germany?”, he shrugged, “I have no idea. Parts of them lived in East Prussia. I haven’t heard from them since late 1944 – so I assume, no. I don’t anymore.”

Y/N’s face fell at the mention of that, again conflicted by the fact that enemies were human, too. She had taught herself to see them primarily as targets, as inherently different to her, to her friends, and therefore, killing them became easier. Was sympathy with a people that had committed atrocities too horrible to even comprehend even possible? Was it morally wrong? It felt nearly impossible to her to reconcile these seemingly juxtaposed positions.

“Y/N, did you come across HYDRA when working in Germany?”, Rose asked to change the topic.

The woman shook her head: “No, fortunately not. I was preoccupied with more – well – normal Nazis, though that is an oxymoron in my opinion.”

“I remind you that you didn’t get to experience the joy of searching for snakes in your foxhole”, Jack interjected, and Y/N knew he did only to redirect the conversation away from her service, for which she was grateful. She had no interest in sharing war stories with the brother of the guy she killed.

“You did not serve in Europe?”, Elias asked, seemingly confused.

“Nah”, Jack pulled a face, “someone had to fight the good fight in the Pacific, too.”

Once they had finished their meal, Jack began to organise for Rose and Elias to get onto the next plane back to L.A., which resulted in them heading to the airport just a short while later. Y/N accompanied the two of them outside to the taxi, followed by Thompson. She hugged Rose goodbye before turning to the scientist.

“Thank you, Elias”, she said, shaking his hand. “You’re a good kid.”

“Madame, I love my brother. Perhaps, I loved him more than any other person in the world. But if one thing was taught to us since our earliest youth, it is that war is brutal. It was the brutality we were taught to idolise. I suppose that means accepting the reality that others will wage war upon us, too.”

She watched him enter the car, wondering where his path would lead him to. She sincerely hoped that, wherever it would, the destination would be more peaceful than his youth had been.

“That’s why you wanted to be the one to escort him”, Jack stated quietly, standing next to her. “To amend.”

“I cannot amend it”, she said, watching the car leave. “But it would seem that he has given me all I can ask for. Acceptance.”

Jack followed her gaze. If that kid was able to accept her decisions, accept her actions – then for God’s sake, why would her father not be capable of doing the same? He would marry Y/N. And despite their relationship being distant, he at least wanted them to not hate each other.

Tag List

@pretty-girl-40

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@deathofmissjackson

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@briskywalker

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#jack thompson #jack thompson imagine #agent jack thompson #jack thompson x reader #agent jack thompson x reader #agent thompson #agent carter #marvel's agent carter #mcu #marvel cinematic universe

[archduchessofnowhere]

What is the most historically accurate film of Sisi you have seen?

Can you rank all of them you have seen from most historically accurate to least?

what one is your favorite?

thank you!

Hello! One of my major goals (?) on this blog is to make an Ultimate Tier List of Sisi Adaptations, but I still haven't been able to. But here is an overview of the media that I've watched so far, ranked for most "accurate" to the least:

Sisi (2009): By far the most historically accurate Sisi portrayal that exists. I've already talked about it a bit the other day, but this mini series covers from Elisabeth's engagement until her coronation as Queen of Hungary, and includes important events such as her daughter's death in 1857, the Italian War of 1859, Elisabeth's illness and departure to Madeira, the abuse her son Rudolf suffered in hands of his tutor and her intervention to stop it, among other things. We even get as a side plot her brother-in-law Maximilian and his ill-fated adventure. It is clear that the writers knew the history they were adapting, and put care in having as much historical moments as posible. Which incidentally is also the series biggest weakness: it's too short for the amount of events it covers. The pacing is too rushed and many of the story lines are not properly developed. It is not entirely accurate either: the writers couldn't (or didn't want to) get away of the romantic myth and put great emphasis in Elisabeth's marriage as a great love story (weirdly this didn't stop them from romanticizing her friendship with Andrássy either). I pity that this wasn't a full series because it had the potential to be a great show.

Elisabeth das musical (1992-): my favorite piece of media about Elisabeth ever. I also already talked about it but for a musical whose argument is that the assassin of Empress Elisabeth is trapped in a loop in the afterlife in which he forever must tell her story while he's judged for his crime this is a surprisingly accurate and nuanced take of her life. While a bit outdated now (the idea that archduchess Sophie was an evil mother-in-law or that Sisi and her father had a close relationship have been disproved for a while, for example), I think this musical actually got her personality, or better, it got that we can't truly know her: she was a complex person, she was full of contradictions, she was human.

Sissi Trilogy (1955-1957): a classic is a classic. A heavily romanticized take on the early life of the empress, these movies are not particularly accurate, but they're fun to watch nonetheless (except the third one. The third one is a bad movie, fight me)

Sisi (2021-): I'm weirdly fond of this show, I'm sorry. Like I know that objectively is a very trashy, poorly written attempt at a historical drama, and yet I can't help but finding it fun to watch. And for all its flaws (which are PLENTY, and I complained a lot about them here), at least it tried to do something different with some of the characters. I vaguely remember someone saying that RTL is like the CW of Germany, so following the comparison I would say that this show is kinda like Reign: a hot mess that you either love to hate, or you learn to love with time.

The Empress (2022-): my deep dislikeness for this show is no secret to my followers. In fact I owe them a review, which I begun but never finished, because every time I enter the doc I'm reminded of how much of a disappointment this series was for me, and I don't want to keep writing (I will eventually I promise it). This series has all the problems of the 2021 Sisi series and none of its redeming qualities. If you go through my livebloging tag you'll find what I disliked, but to put it short: this series is so disconnected of reality that can't be enjoyed as a historical drama, but it is so poorly written that can't be enjoyed as a piece of fiction either. It's just not fun to watch at all.

The King Steps Out (1936): The only time in history that the USA attempted to make a Sisi movie, and yes it ranks even lower than The Empress that's how inaccurate this is. This was an adaptation of an operetta (that would end up being the basis for the first Sissi movie), and other than "emperor is expected to marry his cousin but end ups falling for her sister instead" the story has nothing to do with history. I also just didn't like this movie at all.

Not Sisi Media But Features Sisi As A Character:

Ludwig II (2012): I LOVE Hannah Herzsprung's Elisabeth. She gave us a Sisi we never saw before: the friend. She is Ludwig's friend and wants the best for him but this doesn't stop her from criticizing him; she loves him but also loves her little sister and is FURIOUS when Ludwig dumps Sophie. To me this is one of the most loving takes of her that exists, and for that I adore it.

Ludwig (1973): THE BEST enigmatic and mature Elisabeth, period. Romy is sublime, every one of her scene feels like a master class in acting. I don't rank her over Hannah's Elisabeth because I don't like much the plot they gave her (they turned her friendship with Ludwig into a sort-of-romance and she also mistreats Sophie), but in terms of acting this is by far the best performance.

Mayerling (1936): Elisabeth appears only for one scene played by a woman that looks nothing like her only to give love advice (???) to Mary Vetsera and then leaves. An absolutely boring and forgettable portrayal, I don't know why they even bothered including her (also fyi this movie is bad).

Ludwig II (1955): literally who is this woman. She's Elisabeth in name only, they stripped away everything that made her interesting and turned her into a cardboard cutout romantic interest for Ludwig II (who's straight here LOL). Worst Elisabeth that I've seen so far hands down (btw this movie is also bad minus some scenes).

Special Mention:

L'aigle à deux têtes (1948): This isn't a Sisi movie nor features Sisi at all, but the character of the Queen is clearly inspired in Elisabeth. Here we follow the widow Queen of a fictional kingdom and an anarchist that attempts to kill her but ends up being protected by her. It's the adaptation of a play and it shows: the action happens in closed spaces and it's made up mostly of dialogues. It is a psychological movie (and also an enemies to lovers romance lol), and it may be boring for some since it's mainly just characters talking, but personally I loved it.

#asks #sisi (2009) #elisabeth das musical #sissi trilogy #sisi (2021) #the empress (2022) #the king steps out (1936) #ludwig ii (2012) #ludwig (1973) #mayerling (1936) #ludwig ii (1955) #l'aigle à deux têtes (1948)

[hetacakes]

the smell of qingxin and almonds is home.

xiaolumi (xiao/alatus x lumine/ying)

in which adepti, illuminated beasts with an emphasis on beasts, aren't built the same as normal humans. namely, adepti have an instinct to protect and defend that extends far deeper than their duty to the land. the conqueror of demons is the best example of this, dutifully defending liyue and its people for millennia on end. of course this eternal protector would have protective written all across his personality chart, but what no one knew was that his base instincts don't just make him protective, but specifically, make him protective of what is his. he was able to ignore the feelings of finding something— no, someone— to call his for so long, until a certain traveler entered his life and suddenly, the thought of claiming her and scenting her until she reeks of qingxin and almonds becomes more and more compelling. 

aka men are WOLVES and xiao is no exception, except wolves also mate for life and xiao really really really wants to hold lumine in his arms and scent her and mark her and never leave her side. unfortunately, it seems that everyone else, even pervases, the late yaksha, but lumine is able to pick up on this.

this would not have happened had mhy not put in so many references to scents and scent marking and just marking in general but guess what

they did and now i'm here to pay the price with 14,000+ words of xiao being sad and pining so hard people can literally hear it

idfk what pining sounds like but i can assure you everyone in liyue hears it at max volume when xiao comes around

(u know i put the Canon Xiaolumi Scene™ as the gif here i was legally required to do it)

warning for angst because it's xiao, mentions of murder because... it's xiao, like one cuss word, and mentions of suicide because it's xiao and he's dramatic and will kill anyone that hurts lumine even if it's himself

word count: 14,190

disclaimer: i'm a horrible writer and wrote this when 1.3 barely came out but barely finished it now, and most of it doesn't make sense by 2.7 logic, so i had to change the setting of this to be around v1.6, and as much as i wanted to include the perilous trails archon quest i knew it just wouldn't make sense/flow correctly ㅠㅠ tl,dr: timeline funky

   Breathe in, breathe out.

   Eyelids flutter shut as feet dig into the earth, grounded.

   String drawn taut, and then…

   "Dream Trawler… what a weird name," Lumine hummed to herself as an arrow sliced through the air, hitting her target straight on. It was reassuring to know that even though she was stuck as a sword user in this world, her skill with other weapons hadn't completely disappeared. After all, she didn't spend hundreds of years perfecting them just to forget it all in a year or so, which felt like a blink of an eye to celestial beings like her.

   (Plus, being leagues better than a certain annoying ginger, who claimed to "have mastered all other weapons, but be least adept with a bow" at said forms of weaponry was much too satisfying for her to get rusty at her craft.)

   Snapping back to reality, Lumine watched as the blue-tinted apparition of "Starsnatcher" appeared out of thin air. She had to admit, the view he was greeted with was definitely comedic out of context (and was probably one of the things that eventually made the wannabe adeptus realize she was trying to prank him): she stood directly in front of him with her sad attempt at an unwavering straight face as she put her hands on her hips, leaning forward in an attempt of intimidation; it could've passed as genuine seriousness, had her shoulders not have shaken every time there was a crack in her facade as she barely held back her excitement. To her left and slightly behind her was Xiao, who was the complete opposite to Lumine's sheer glee; he had no problems standing stoically still with his arms crossed and face relaxed into his naturally perfect poker face. Truly, it was the worst case of failed "good cop, bad cop" in history.

   "Guess what? You're already dead," she said gravely as she fought back a smug smile at the look on his face, glancing back at Xiao for confirmation, covertly winking at him to play along. She pouted as he shook his head at her theatrics, missing the fond smile on his face as she turned back to the phantom in front of her, quaking in his boots.

   Even if Xiao didn't back her up, she was still immensely satisfied to hear the adeptus poser repeat what she said in anguish as he fell for it hook, line, and sinker, the smirk finally succeeding in appearing on her face.

   However, her face fell to a look of mild annoyance when Starsnatcher realized he wasn't actually dead, but was just dreaming.

   Well, that's no fun.

   Just as she was about to make up something to further convince him of his mortal demise, Starsnatcher suddenly raised his voice, an underlying threat clear in his words.

   "Huh? What is the meaning of this?! Do you truly think that one will permit such insolence in one's own dreams?"

   Startled, she took a step back, unconsciously hiding herself behind Xiao, who still stood steadfast, his posture not having changed in the slightest. Her actions registered to her only after a few moments had passed, and she faintly heard Paimon saying something about taking him down a peg as she wished to disappear. What in the world was that? She wasn't some helpless maiden; she was an otherworldly traveler— no, the otherworldly Traveler— that survived so many things far more dangerous than some rando flouncing around with a piece of magical paper. Still, she couldn't stop her instincts from making her shuffle closer to Xiao, immediately using him as a shield when the man had raised his voice at her, before she shook her head and adjusted her stance, drawing her sword.

   Xiao stood back, true to his word about not spilling mortal blood, watching proudly as his Lumine was both able to protect herself and hold her own in battle as well as rely on him for protection and comfort.

   Mh, what a perfect little mate he's managed to find for himself.

   … Wait—

   It wasn't often that Lumine was able to sit and relax on the roof of Wangshu Inn,  free from responsibilities, and it was even less so that she was able to be sitting there spending that time with Xiao. But today was turning out to be a good day, and Lumine found herself doing just that, lightly swinging her legs as she recounted her meeting with Pervases after delivering the Sigil of Permission to the last Yaksha, the scent of sweet desserts and dewy flowers drifting in the breeze.

   "Oh! And he said to 'send the Conqueror of Demons his regards'," Lumine piped up, eyes sparkling as she raised a finger in the air and did her best to deepen her voice and imitate the late adeptus, unaware of the implications a seemingly simple comment could hold.

   "...?" Xiao silently prompted, raising an unimpressed eyebrow.

   "Yeah! He knew you sent me."

   "And how did he know?" Xiao clicked his tongue in annoyance. "I have trouble recalling when exactly I told you to tell the whole world you were temporarily acting as my errand runner."

   'Seriously, does this foolish girl mention me every chance she gets? How did he know she was coming straight to me? Did she say something misleading?' Xiao internally debated with himself, fighting the red tint threatening to creep up his ears even as his outward expression looked as neutral as always.

   "N-No, he said something about being able to sense your aura on me or something? That, and also your karma…"

   Lumine had trailed off at the end of that sentence, but it didn't matter, as Xiao had already been cursed with hearing the first part and the suggestion the late yaksha was implying there; knowing Pervases, he could already picture the way he would raise his eyebrows with an expression that clearly planned to cause a stir. He choked on his tea, almost dropping the cup and having to will it to disappear with a wave of his hand as his face flushed, the tips of his ears finally giving in and turning an embarrassed scarlet. 'Has having her so often in my presence really been making everything that obvious? No… no! Not obvious… been giving off the wrong idea? I swear I only marked her once or twice before entering that karma infested cave, so the corrupted monsters would stay away from my energy signatures on her…' he frantically thought to himself.

   (He, in fact, did not just mark her once or twice, but rather a lot of times. His subconscious is his best wingman, it seems, and it loved making sure the pretty traveler was walking around thoroughly doused in the scent of freshly-picked mountain flowers and sweetened desserts, along with a few extra invisible wisps of dark green anemo, just to be sure.)

   "Hm? Are you okay, Xiao?" Lumine, bless her heart of gold, asked him with heartwarming concern, hand reaching out to lightly touch his forehead.

   He quickly swatted it away, ignoring how nice the warmth of her dainty hands felt on his skin while mumbling something about having no respect for adepti, invading his personal space whenever she felt like it. "I-I'm fine, just… what exactly did Pervases mean about 'my aura'?"

   "I mean, he was super vague, and that didn't really make sense to me, so I honestly have no idea…"

   "He probably meant someone's specific scent on her! You know you and the other adepti, always using fancy words like 'aura' instead of 'scent' or 'mark'," Paimon teased after deeming the dilemma Xiao was quickly finding himself in more interesting than her pocket dimension and appeared from literal thin air, winking and sticking out her tongue mischievously, sending a knowing look to the handsome and deceptively youthful-looking adeptus.

   Lumine looked at her with a confused look, to which Paimon only explained with an, "Oh, don't worry about it, it's just an adepti thing!"

   "Really?"

   "Yeah! Do you want me to explain?" Paimon offered gleefully, pointedly ignoring the searing glare and cutthroat motion Xiao was fervently sending her way.

   "Yes, please," Lumine answered immediately, so politely and nicely, it made something in Xiao's heart swell that his mate was so elegant and obedient and— wait… what? No! Xiao furrowed his eyebrows as he shook his head like an Etch-A-Sketch, wondering why these intrusive and ridiculous thoughts seemed to plague him recently. Him, having a mate? Even further, having someone as wonderful as Lumine as his mate? The notion was beyond delusional, and anyways, adepti, illuminated beasts as they were, didn't need to have mates or partners to survive, like the rest of the lesser fauna; he had, has, and will do just fine without one for the rest of his life (though a treacherous voice in the back of his head that sounded suspiciously similar to Madame Ping reminded him that it would be a great idea to repopulate the yaksha race). He only knew of a handful of mated adepti pairs, with only two being an adeptus and human bond: the parents of Ganyu and Yanfei. Even then, he knew that a Yaksha like him could never even dream of having a mate, much less a mortal mate, if he wanted to keep them alive and sane.

   '... Yes, exactly,' he reassured himself. In any case, someone like him didn't deserve someone to call his, didn't deserve a happy ending, not after the eons of bloodshed that was wrought directly from his tainted hands. And he especially didn't deserve to even consider someone as perfect and sweet and nice and beautiful as Lumine as a friend, let alone a lifelong partner.

   "Hehehe! It's kind of like when Childe gives you his jacket with like ten times the normal amount of his cologne on it, like jeez he probably washed it in the stuff and threw it in the ocean, so everyone knows to back off because he already called di—"

   "Ahem!" Xiao cut in with one of his characteristic growls, clearing his throat and sending a death glare to the incessantly chattering fairy, who was obviously trying to rile him up at the mention of the Fatui harbinger and whatever that child did in his pathetic attempts at courting Lumine. Even more infuriating, he found it to be working, awakening an irrational feeling of jealousy he had never ever felt before in all his long years of living — an irrational feeling that compelled him to talk first, think later in order to clear up the supposed misunderstanding (though Paimon's explanation was actually not that bad, but because she had mentioned Childe, he wasn't going to accept it). "As I've said before, adepti are not the same as most mortals, and have stronger constitutions that have adapted to accommodate such a vast amount of power…" he trailed off, wondering how to best put it to her without revealing too much — the consequence of opening his mouth without thinking, he supposed.

   "So… am I listening to another 'humans are puny and inferior' rant?"

   "If you'd let me finish—" he snapped, but watched as she was unfazed with her small but radiant smile still settled on her pretty pink lips, already used to his behaviors. He didn't know if that pissed him off even more or pleased him, knowing that his hostility still didn't deter her kindness, much like how a cat's owner is undeterred from the occasional swipes of their cat's claws and is always more than happy to accept the remorseful headbutts afterward. Not that she was his or he was hers or anything, but once he 'accidentally' made that connection in his mind he couldn't help but mentally facepalm as he found himself being a little too fond of the notion and decided to just forcefully forget about it. "Humans aren't granted power from Celestia the same way gods and adepti are. Even vision-bearers barely come close to the power of an adeptus who has had lifetimes to hone their power and wield it wisely, much less that same adeptus but with a vision."

   "What about me?" Lumine asked with an infuriatingly genuine expression, meaning that she truly was just so innocent and curious about Teyvat. She pointed a finger at herself, and Xiao briefly wondered what part of this world or under which rock she came from, since she knew so little about who and where she was now.

   "You are still human, so you are still very different from me." He continued with a mumble, "... but I admit, you are the most impressive human I've ever met."

   "... Ehe, thank you," she smiled, face blushing a slight pink at having received such an honest compliment from someone who never gave them, and Xiao looked away, having a reputation to keep. If he had kept looking, he would've noticed the slightly embarrassed look Paimon and the Traveler shared between themselves at him calling her "human", but that was neither here nor there.

   "Think nothing of it. In any case, simply put, adepti are of an ideal form in order to withstand their own strengths. Inevitably, someone with such concentrated elemental power would have it radiating from them, permeating the air and whoever they come into contact with, not unlike the traces made visible when using your Elemental Sight. Meaning that when you spend too much time with me, my presence rubs off on you intangibly in the form of my energy signatures and tangibly in the form of my… natural scent, you could say."

   "Is that bad?" Lumine asked, tilting her head to the side like his— um, a cute— er, a completely normal stupid little baby kitten.

   Archons, she was dangerous for his heart.

   "For other adepti? Not at all. You can spend as much time with Ganyu or Cloud Retainer as you like, and you'd be fine." He glanced at her surprised face out of the corner of his eye. "Don't be so baffled. I know those two love inviting you over to Mt. Aocang to sit and gossip," he huffed in annoyance, crossing his arms. 

   "Are you, perhaps, watching me?" she asked him with a teasing smile, putting her weight on her hands as she leaned forward into his chest and stared back up at him with those big ol' eyes.

   "Don't be absurd. When I said I'd act as your protector, I believed it to be clear that included watching over you," he scoffed, turning his face and looking irritatedly into the horizon. The view of her honey eyes peering up at him from underneath long lashes, with a look similar to that of a begging pet, her lips curled into a beguiling smirk, and with her chest dangerously close to his was too tempting — the epitome of the sweet innocence of gentle sin.

   "Ew, do you watch her even when she bathes? Pervert," Paimon butted in again, crinkling her face in mock disgust before she switched back to her signature "I'm-up-to-no-good" face; the face of pure mischief, and a face he had wisely learned to dread.

   "That's— that's absurd! I am only aware of your general location, and don't directly perceive you going about your little mundane life." He scoffed, immediately shooting down such a ridiculous idea. "In any case, the other adepti's presence should not have an ill effect on you, especially since they are either vision-less full adeptus or half mortal with a vision. I, on the other hand, have both full adepti blood and a vision along with great karmic debt, which is… survivable for me, but deadly to everything else. Thus, my aura is not only stronger than most, but deadlier as well. Those hilichurls that fake adeptus was struggling with are familiar occurrences when they stick around the inn for too long or attempt to fight me," Xiao explained monotonously, but both Lumine and Paimon caught his hesitation and the slightest hint of a sigh at the end of his sentence, a testament to just how long the Vigilant Yaksha, Conqueror of Demons has had to endure such pain and suffering. It broke her heart knowing of all he had to go through, and she was determined to do whatever it takes to ease his pain and share his burden (though taking care of him and sharing his struggles was and will never be a burden — not if it's his, never if it's him).

   "Yeah, Pervases did mention that too… but Cloud Retainer says it's not that bad and not to worry about it. Why is that?"

   "Why are you discussing such things with Cloud Retainer? Do you truly mention me at any chance you get?" Xiao asked, finally voicing his initial suspicion.

   "H-Hey, you're making me sound creepy! Like Albert," she muttered and he couldn't help but wonder who the hell was Albert and if he was bothering her, queen, because he would gladly take care of it for her (he doesn't spill mortal blood but a sufficiently long bout of induced unconsciousness was really persuasive). "And no, I don't, it's actually Ganyu and Cloud Retainer that invite me over for tea or something just to start talking to me about you. It's always, 'you've been spending much time with the Conqueror of Demons' and 'oh, is that a scent mark I sense?' and 'did you know that carrying an adepti baby is very different from a human one?' and—"

   "That's— that's enough," Xiao coughed, unable to continue hearing the unbelievably embarrassing gossip about him and his apparently blatantly obvious affections for Lumine; affections that definitely did not exist, thank you very much (which is a total lie; they very much did exist, but he was never ever going to admit that to anyone, not even himself). Paimon tumbled in the air and snickered, forever grateful she decided to accompany the Traveler to all of those chit chat sessions instead of staying behind with Xiangling at Wanmin Restaurant like she had desperately wanted to at the time. "I warned you not to stay around me, since all that would await you was regret, yet you insisted. For some reason, your mortal body—" A small cough from Lumine interrupted the middle of his sentence, but he ignored it. "—is as resilient as mine to such heavy karma, so the detection of my presence is still there, but not manifested with malignancy like it usually does on other living things. I warned you of this, and yet you decided to ignore my words of caution." Xiao shook his head, before continuing, "It's too late. The connection between us is too strong. Even if you wanted to, it's too late to sever it." He sighed, but the Traveler's look of contemplation and odd glance sent his way caught his attention. "... What?"

   "Why would I want that? Why would I want to end this relationship between us?"

   Xiao decided to ignore her phrasing of what he had settled, for his own sake, to be a normal friendship as a 'relationship' for now; he has enough time to agonize over it late at night when he couldn't will himself to sleep. "You've never thought to sever it?... This eternal dance of demon subjugation... my fight goes on, possibly for as long as I have left to live, possibly for forever. How curious and irredeemingly stupid of you to want to aid me in such a long and endless battle… but if you insist, then I will not stop you."

   Then she smiled at him, luminously, with a glow that rivaled that of the stars in the sky at its clearest hundreds of centuries ago that still shone brightly in his memory, a shine that was still easily upstaged by Lumine's own brilliance by a landslide, and even he (in all his denial) could sense the soft notes of qingxin misted in morning dew rubbing off on her and staking his hidden claim on her, unwilling to let another dare to even dream of taking what's his.

   "You," he said, pointing an accusatory finger at the one and a half adepti in front of him, "need to stop spouting nonsense to the Traveler about me."

   Cloud Retainer scoffed. "And what does one mean, exactly, when one says 'nonsense', pray tell?" She craned her neck and straightened her posture, looking back at the last yaksha with a challenging look in her eye. 

   "... I think he means when we tried convincing Miss Lumine that the Conqueror of Demons had already started an adepti courting ritua—"

   "That is exactly what I mean!" Xiao interrupted Ganyu, sending the both of them a glare. "Do you really have nothing better to do than to sit and gossip like adolescent schoolgirls?"

   "One is not easily fooled, Conqueror of Demons. One has seen the way you have imprinted on her," Cloud Retainer noted haughtily. "Even a blind man can see it."

   "Oh, yes! It's very much like when a baby duckling imprints onto whatever happens to be nearest. He would surely follow her to the ends of the worlds, and then some."

   "One agrees."

   "That is completely… baseless and absurd!" Xiao stalled. "I have not marked or imprinted on anyone. I am not beginning a courting ritual with anyone, and I am not taking a mate now, or ever, for that matter," Xiao said with finality, challenging the two in front of him to argue otherwise.

   "Hmph. One thinks the Conqueror of Demons is in denial." Cloud Retainer slowly spread her wings and flapped away, decisively adding her last words on the matter before attending to other things — a total drama queen, as always.

   Ganyu watched as her white figure slowly disappeared into the distance, and stood awkwardly, shuffling her feet from side to side. "I can't say I disagree with Cloud Retainer, Conqueror of Demons. You're lucky, Miss Lumine really is one of a kind," she said with a smile as light chimes began singing through the air, courtesy of her crystalline blue timepiece, telling her it was time to open her glider and make her way down the mountain and back to Yuehai Pavilion.

   Xiao scoffed as he saw how both Cloud Retainer and Ganyu made such theatrical exits, leaving him no space to get his final say in. Still, he summoned his polearm and stabbed it into the ground, looking protectively out over the horizon as he had done hundreds of thousands of times before, watching as the sun barely peeked but a sliver of gold over the hazy line. Their words had sounded preposterous to him, but if he was being honest, being mated to Lumine was quite the dreamy fantasy…

   Then, with such convenient timing that allowed him to yet again shove this matter to the corner of his brain to ignore and put it off as much as possible, he heard Lumine whisper his name from somewhere in Lingju Pass.

   Except instead of allowing him to avoid the subject, it seemed to force him to meet it head on, because as soon as he arrived, he was met with the sight of Lumine stumbling to the ground with both an apologetic look and crimson streams smeared on her face before lying worryingly still as a Ruin Guard walked towards her targeted form, with Paimon clutching on her sleeves tight enough to rip them off and looking at him with furrowed brows and shiny tears.

   He doesn't remember exactly what he said, but he knew that it was some sort of insult and that he shouted it angrily as he summoned his spear and donned his mask without hesitation, even as he knew she couldn't — or worse, wasn't able to — listen.

   "Don't do this to me!" is what he would've yelled to Celestia above if he hadn't come in time— did he even come in time?

   "Don't do this to me!" is what he would've said when he took a closer look at her heartbreakingly motionless body.

   "Don't do this to me, please," is what he would've begged to the stars, her brethren, pleading with them not to take away what was most precious to him when he let his polearm clatter to the ground as he cradled her in his arms.

   The few seconds in between movements stretched into an eternity, with no sound, just the dust settling from the enemy's fallen form and a ringing in his ears that threatened to pierce through his skull and corrupt his mind, a sign that his only saving grace from karma was on her last thread.

   He fumbled as he felt for a pulse before giving up and pressing his ear directly to her chest, appearances be damned. For a few seconds, he could hear nothing, and the thought made him taste bile in the back of his throat.

   Then, slowly but surely, he heard the smallest hints of a beat, unsteady and fragile, and easily missed had his focus not been solely on it.

   Once he confirmed she was still alive, just unconscious, he felt a wave of relief crash over him. He couldn't help but hold her impossibly closer as he slumped over her, uncaring that Paimon had pressed herself between them and was currently sniffling into a gross wet patch of snot and tears on his shirt.

   A simple heartbeat: what was usually an insignificant rhythm of the beating of a mortal heart had become his saving grace in a matter of seconds. However faint it was, it was still there, and that's all he could've asked for.

   He made the trip back to the Wangshu Inn as he carried her in his arms — far, but he didn't want to risk teleporting and nauseating her — and laid her down on a bed, before he immediately appeared in Bubu Pharmacy, relaying the jeopardized health of the Traveler to Qiqi, who immediately got teary-eyed and demanded Xiao take her to see her immediately, quiet but melancholy whispers of "Lumine jiejie, please be okay" echoing in his ears as he rushed back to her. Opening the door and nodding his approval to Qiqi at his side, who was grasping tightly onto his hand, she immediately threw herself at the sleeping Traveler and hugged her with as much might and force a little zombie girl could muster before opening her kit and gathering her medicines, softly cleaning and wrapping the countless bruises and cuts marring the traveler's skin, smoothing ointments and creams whenever necessary (which was concerningly often).

   Once Qiqi told him she would be fine after lots and lots of rest (and proceeded to surprisingly climb into the bed with her), he left them to sleep as he made his way to Jueyun Karst and gathered the other adepti. With a wave of his hand, he showed them the fragile state of the Traveler through the use of an adepti art.

   "Who dared do this to the Savior of Liyue?" Moon Carver asked in an eerily static tone, but Xiao couldn't tear his eyes from the sight of her barely moving form on the bed, making sure her chest continued to rise and fall.

   "It was none other than herself. It's clear to me that she had overexerted herself." How he wished it was the fault of someone else, was an attempt at the Traveler's life, so he would be assured she would be fine once they were eliminated.

   "One fully believes a certain Fatui Harbinger played a part in encouraging her overexertion. Knowing the harbinger's tendencies for bloodlust and loyalty to his archon, one would believe it to be part of a prolonged attempt at her life. One is not adverse to permanently eliminating this threat—"

   "Then what shall we do?" 

Mountain Shaper asked, cutting off Cloud Retainer's blatant suggestion of literal murder, and Xiao turned to him to gauge his reaction, before looking at all three of them.

   "Well, Madame Ping told me…"

   "X-Xiao, you don't need to bring me here!" Lumine exclaimed, fully expecting to be taken to the Qixing to meet her legal demise. "I'll just stay in a room at Wangshu Inn sometime, or at the inn Mr. Zhu's running..."

   "Don't listen to her, Xiao, she's lying! She said the same thing to Paimon two weeks ago, and she hadn't stepped foot into either of those places until you brought her there! And you saw how she fainted to the floor right in the middle of fighting that Ruin Guard!" Paimon yelled, throwing a tantrum in the air. To be fair, her outburst was very justified, since she must have been mentally and physically exhausted from worrying over the Traveler who didn't seem to listen to her, and probably felt guilty for only being able to watch helplessly as she ignored her own wellbeing, unable to do something, anything, because of her miniature size.

   "Shut it! Just… follow me," was his curt response, but both Paimon and the Traveler knew that while it was full of anger, it held no malice towards them. It was obvious that the news Paimon just revealed to him, which explained the terrifying ordeal that happened a mere few days ago, greatly upset him, and Lumine had the decency to look away in shame when they both turns to glance at her as if she would escape their sights any moment now, a scathing look of chastisement in their eyes.

   "W-Well, why are we going to Yuehai Pavilion? Don't you hate the crowds? Am I finally gonna be arrested?" Lumine asked nervously, wriggling in Xiao's hold. As dumb as it was, she had tried to escape when she realized he was taking her to Liyue Harbor, fearing the worst, aka the Wrath of either the Rock or the Qixing— an idea that, in hindsight, was a terrible one, but seemed like a good option at the time. As a result, he had pulled her into his side by wrapping a firm arm around her waist, and no matter how much she squirmed and tugged at his arm, his grip didn't let up. Effectively, she was stuck.

   "All the charges had been dropped against you; you know this already. Yanfei herself even informed you of this, did she not?"

   "Well, yes, but she mentioned it only because she was disappointed she didn't get to take my case. She seemed a little too excited at the thought of me being a criminal… what if she reopened it?"

   "Don't be ridiculous. Yanfei, as stubborn as she is, knows when to accept that things have settled. Regardless, we're here," he said, walking over to an adeptus they both knew well with Lumine in tow.

   "Madame Ping, hi! How are you?" Paimon exclaimed, mirroring the excitement on Lumine's own face at seeing the lovely old woman. They did always have the most interesting chats over a cup of tea, after all.

   "Me? I'm doing well, but Traveler, what about you? The others told me of the unfortunate event that happened a few days ago," Madame Ping lightly scolded her, waving a finger in her direction.

   "'M sorry, that was a one time thing, I promise!" She couldn't help but hang her head in shame, twisting her toe in the ground as she directed her gaze downwards. So what if Lumine had a soft spot for kind and sweet old people and felt like crying when something bad happened to them? Even though she was fully aware of just how powerful Madame Ping actually was, she still couldn't help but want to cave in every time the "elder" of the two asked something of her.

   "It better be, young lady."

   "Is the teapot ready?" Xiao interrupted, wanting to get straight to the point so he could leave before the growing crowd among them became unbearable.

   Sensing his discomfort, Madame Ping smiled. "Yes, here it is," she said, before pulling out a teapot, a teapot that was noticeably not Madame Ping's but was similar nonetheless, and placing it in Lumine's hands. "Traveler, here is your very own Serenitea Pot."

   "Serenity Pot?..."

   Before Lumine could ask who came up with such a punny name, Xiao covered one of her hands with his own, the domain within immediately responding to its owner's power. Soon enough, the world around Lumine began to warp, and suddenly she was glad she was plastered to his side as everything made her head spin and stomach churn.

   When she mustered up the courage to peek one eye open, Lumine found herself in front of a huge Liyue-style mansion. Taking in her surroundings, she noticed that she was standing on one of many towering plateaus, each connected to the other by simple but sturdy wooden bridges. The landscape, she noticed, had a striking resemblance to Jueyun Karst, the home of the adepti.

   "What is all this?" Lumine asked in amazement, looking around at the world within, not realizing she was still tucked into his side, as if loathe to let even air keep them apart.

   "This is for you, since you apparently don't know how to keep yourself alive," Xiao mumbled, averting his eyes to avoid another blush rising across his face. It was nice, having her so close to him; it felt natural, almost too natural, as if this was their destined place in the universe: together. "Madame Ping had already made plans to make an adeptal realm similar to her own teapot, and after seeing how irresponsible you are, the rest of us decided to help. Madame Ping provided the physical teapot, while Cloud Retainer modified the mechanics to be a bit more advanced. For instance, you can change the landscape to another of your liking." He demonstrated this with a wave of his hand, and Lumine watched in amazement as the scene around them shimmered between lush green mountains and floating islands connected with golden bridges made of pure energy. "The materials to make this were sourced by Mountain Carver, Moon Shaper, and Yanfei, which included the Smaragdus Jadeite you both were looking for. Ganyu and the Qixing were in charge of constructing the house, and I created the domain, so only you and I may enter." Theoretically, Lumine could allow other people into the teapot as well by placing her energy signature on them, but since the domain only responded to its owner's adeptal power and thus considered her signature as a weaker extension of his, they would only be briefly allowed in the teapot with direct approval, whereas he and Lumine were free to come and go at every whim for as long as they so desired.

   (Though the traitorous voice in the back of his head pointed out that by completing the Rite of Union and sharing his adepti powers with her, her signature would no longer be just a weaker extension, and the domain would begin to respond to their singular, shared signature).

   He conveniently left out the fact that the reason the plan stalled in the beginning was because no adepti was willing to give up their domain. Obviously, for there to be a domain within the teapot, an adeptus had to be the creator and owner of said domain, sustaining it with their power. Unfortunately, most of the other adepti already had their own personal domains, and the secrets and treasures kept inside said domains were too important to be relocated to the physical world just yet. Thus, the plan was seemingly abandoned, until Xiao volunteered his own domain. He had already prepared his reasoning, which was that he rarely used his domain and that there were no important artifacts or weapons among its contents, but the other adepti had immediately accepted his offer, saying, "We should've asked the Conqueror of Demons in the first place! He is bound to share his domain with his mate!", which was again completely false, but if sacrificing his personal domain and dealing with the other adepti because of it meant she would be safe and he'd never have to witness another near-death experience, he would gladly do it all over again in a heartbeat.

   "... Thank you, Xiao. Really," Lumine spoke after an emotional pause and smiled, genuinely, heartwarmingly, charmingly, beautifully, and every other positive adjective, yet all of them together still couldn't accurately describe the small yet sweet upward curve of her lips, a smile he believed he didn't and never would deserve but was blessed with anyway.

   "I-It's nothing. Just— take care of yourself," he stammered, before disappearing into thin air, wisps of anemo and karmic energy dissipating in his wake.

   "She seems to like your gift, Conqueror of Demons."

   Xiao grumbled, with only the words "whatever" and "Lumine" being audible to the other adepti. ("It's whatever; it's not as deep to Lumine as it is to you," he had said.)

   "You are very dedicated to this traveler, Vigilant Yaksha."

   "You are… misunderstanding. You're the ones that welcomed her to Jueyun Karst in the first place. Had it been me to be the first to see her step foot upon this land, I would've turned her away immediately."

   "That is true, one was and still is very fond of this traveler. Perhaps one should begin a courting ritual?"

   "Don't even think about it," Xiao hissed, his tone telling others to back off of what was his.

   "Conqueror of Demons is the fondest of the traveler out of all of us, Moon Carver. One thought that he had been courting her this whole time."

   "That seems to be true, Cloud Retainer. It was unnecessary for her to need the sigil anymore anyway, as the Conqueror of Demons has adequately staked his claim and marked her."

   "But of course. One sees that the Vigilant Yaksha was the first to lay claim, and one respects that."

   "Is that why Miss Lumine always smells like the Conqueror of Demons? They have finally officiated their bond?"

   "Precisely, Miss Ganyu—"

   "Definitely not." Xiao interrupted Cloud Retainer, shooting her a glare. "She persists in insisting on accompanying me or vice versa, and that is what caused her to receive some of my scent and energy traces. That is all, just coincidental proximity, nothing more." Xiao huffed, even as his ears started to adopt a barely noticeable pink tint. 

   "One can't be fooled, yaksha. One knows that scent is transferred through closer contact than merely walking together, and one has seen a bed be shared many times between the two of you."

   "Oh my, Cloud Retainer! Do you mean we're finally going to see a baby adept—"

   "Absolutely not! She suffers from nightmares, and I took it upon myself to relieve her of them. It is her who insists that I must rest alongside her, and it is her who is fond of physical contact."

   "The Conqueror of Demons says she is the only one to initiate, but he also does not refuse or reject. One thinks the Conqueror of Demons is as fond of physical contact as the traveler herself."

   Xiao looked away, crossing his arms and yet again mumbling something under his breath, something that none of the other adepti, and half-adeptus, present could interpret. ("I'm only fond of it if it's with her," was his unheard admission.)

   Cloud Retainer, with a mischievous glint in her eyes, cleared her throat and changed the subject. "Well, it seems that the traveler's date of birth is arriving soon. I'm sure the Conqueror of Demons has something special planned for her."

   Xiao narrowed his eyes. "If, on the off chance I do give her a gift, it will be a simple one. At most, I'll give her an artifact to ward off evil, something useful. There is no difference between the day she was born and any other day."

   The other adepti paused, before skeptically nodding their heads. They had no reason to believe Xiao to be lying, as what he said did seem very in character as something he would do, though they were hoping for a more romantic answer. Even Cloud Retainer seemed satisfied with his statement, as she accepted it without inquisition and probed no further. 

   "Should we also give her something? I think we could all give her a self-replenishing vial of our adeptal energy as a, y'know, quick boost of energy when the going gets tough. Maybe we can use the cor lapis on your island to put it in a bottle that can withstand the pressure from the power within, Mountain Shaper, and Cloud Retainer can craft it, since she's always tinkering with things in her domain anyway. The rest of us can…"

   Xiao tuned out the rest of the conversation, watching as Ganyu pitched her idea to the others, who seemed to be in agreement with her plan. His focus, instead, was on the gingko leaves drifting in the wind, as green as jade.

   "This mortal concept of commemorating the day of your birth… really is redundant," Xiao grumbled, arms crossed with a displeased look wrinkling his brow.

   Lumine laughed. "Well, if the day of my birth hadn't happened, then I wouldn't have met you, no? Don't you think that's why it's worth celebrating?" Lumine asked, stifling another giggle at the way Xiao reluctantly muttered his agreement. "Unfortunately, mora doesn't make itself, and even on my birthday I have commissions to do. I'll be right ba—"

   As she turned away, Xiao reached out and grabbed her wrist. "Wait. Have this. It's… a butterfly I made from leaves," he stammered, placing the gift in her hands. "Okay. Take it. It's an adepti amulet — it staves off… um… 'evil'."

   Lumine examined the necklace carefully. True to his word, it was a butterfly made from "leaves", in that the wings seemed to be shaped in the form of gingko leaves. However, only a complete idiot would believe the hard, perfectly smooth texture of the pendant to be that of a real leaf.

   "Xiao… I hate to be the one to tell this to you—" Xiao immediately froze, slightly panicking as he prepared himself for rejection because yes, it technically was his courting gift to her, but nobody but him needed to know that. "—but this is not made from leaves."

   "You—!" Xiao sighed, the tension leaving his shoulders all in one breath. "I am aware. I meant that I made it from leaves; that is the truth."

   Lumine looked once more at the butterfly, inspecting it a tad closer. Indeed, there were veins in the wing pieces, veins that were too delicate and too small to have been carved into a normal piece of jade, even if painstakingly done by hand.

   "I've never seen a leaf this solid… you could've fooled me and said it was pure jade." Lumine winked with a laugh, knowing that Xiao used his powers to transform the gingko leaf into jade, like water to wine.

   She ran her thumb over the completely smooth, unmarred surface, watching as the sun hit it just so, scattering perfect green refractions into the air. She shyly looked back up at Xiao from under her eyelashes, before looking away as her face flushed red. "Thank you Xiao. I… I love it," she whispered, almost too quiet for him to hear, but it sounded loud enough in his ears. "I'm honored that you took the time to make this for me. Here," she said, whirling around and dropping the necklace back into his hand. "Can you put it on me?"

   And when she asked so nicely, looking over her shoulder with her sparkling round eyes and pleading look, how could he ever refuse her? Brushing her hair away, long enough to get in the way but too short for Lumine to hold away, Xiao noticed the way she shivered when his fingers grazed the nape of her neck. Biting the inside of his cheek and shaking away inappropriate thoughts that centered heavily around other ways he could make tremors wrack her petite body with just his touch, he looped the necklace around her neck before fiddling with the clasp, letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding when it finally locked into place.

   (And if she smelled a lot like a certain type of mountain flower and soft dessert dish, well, he was never one to pass up a perfect scenting opportunity.)

   She turned back to him, looking down as she held the pendant in the palms of her cupped hands. "And this will ward off evil? How?" She looked back up at him, eyes shining with curiosity.

   He coughed awkwardly, bringing up a hand to partially hide his embarrassed face. "It, uh… jade represents longevity and wisdom, and this piece of jade has a lot of yang energy, which repels ghosts and… evil spirits; this is why the people of Liyue like to call jade 'stones of luck and happiness', since it has such a deeper meaning to them." Technically, that was partially true: jade did indeed have deep meaning in the culture of Liyue, but he had lied in saying the yang energy of the stone would repel "evil spirits". Though he did imbue it with such energy just in case, it was actually the aforementioned "deeper meaning" that would repel the "evil spirits", with said "spirits" actually being those that approached her with romantic intentions. The butterfly on her neck would tell others that she was taken, and it being jade marked her as deeply committed and basically engaged, which he supposed was the most similar mortal concept to adepti mating. It was a perfect plan: he essentially subtly proposed and she accepted. Now other potential suitors will have no choice but to back off and he didn't have to face the embarrassment of directly confessing his feelings and being rejected— a win-win scenario, if you asked him.

   "And why did you pick a butterfly? I don't usually receive butterfly-themed gifts, but I find that I actually am really fond of this one," Lumine murmured, eyes gazing at the sparkling pendant with a softness she had seemingly reserved only for him, when the only presences were their own, and the only disturbance in the air was their synced breaths, whispers of meandering conversation floating up to the stars. 

   "... No reason," he said, y'know, like a liar. "Do you… know what butterflies mean in Liyue?"

   "I don't know about specifically Liyue, but I do know that butterflies are usually a sign of change because of that whole metamorphosis thing."

   "Good," he sighed internally, grateful that she didn't understand the true meaning of him putting a jade butterfly on her. 

   "So?"

   "So what?"

   "Tell me what a butterfly means, please?"

   Her wide, expectant eyes, exactly like a curious kitten, looked up at him, and he was 90% sure that she didn't know what her pleading expression did to him, didn't know that her begging eyes compelled his base instincts to answer and soothe his mate.

   "In Liyue, a butterfly being gifted from one to another means… uh," he fumbled for the right words. He wasn't actually planning on answering, as that would expose him and his feelings, but Lumine just appealed to his desire to please his mate so well, so perfectly that he automatically responded to whatever she asked for.

   The perfect opportunity presented itself to him. He could tell her how he felt, explain the story of the butterfly lovers, right here, right now. He could ask her if he could begin courting her, and then she'd laugh and say something funny to diffuse his nervousness, something like she thought he already was courting her, and then he would blush and ask if she was willing to be his mate, and she'd say yes, and for once in his goddamn life he would have something precious, someone worth fighting for, someone worth living for.

   Or… she'd say no, reject him, and turn away, leaving him to bury himself in the deepest hole possible and die of humiliation. She'd say she already had her eyes on someone else, or that she was already taken, or, even worse, that she was single and didn't have anyone in mind but would rather die a thousand deaths than be with him. Because why would she want to be with him? Him, a cursed demon. Him, someone with so, so much blood on his hands. Him, someone who just corrupted everything around him. Him, who drives every mortal being near him to madness. Him, who was good for nothing but bloodshed and chaos and evil.

   Him, who never had and never will deserve something precious, someone worth fighting for, someone to live for.

   He blinked, and suddenly his millennium long internal conflict was over in mere seconds. He looked down, and she was still there, still staring up at him, still tugging at his heartstrings. Oh, how badly he wanted to tell her the truth, to tell her the story of the butterfly lovers and replace Liang Shanbo's name with his and Zhu Yingtai's with hers. 

   … Who was he kidding, thinking of confessing to her like that. He knew it was just going to be another fact he takes with him to his grave, if it even exists (but at this point he knew there was no denying it anymore: he was utterly and irrevocably in love with Lumine). He knew that he shouldn't— couldn't— tell her, because she was too good for him and deserved someone who wasn't a deadly threat, a ticking time bomb, a force that would just corrupt her if she stayed by his side for too long.

   "... It means that the gifter is wishing the receiver good luck on their journeys. When saying 'butterfly' as '蝴蝶 (hú dié)', the first syllable, '蝴 (hú)', sounds very similar to that for 'good fortune', which is '福 (fú)'. Though it varies from person to person, some also associate it with prosperous journeys, since butterflies are well-known for migration." He traced the strokes of the script into her hand, partly to demonstrate to her what he was trying to explain but mostly just to feel her tiny hand in the palm of his own.

   Technically he wasn't lying, what he said is in fact true. It just… wasn't the actual meaning he truly intended to convey.

   Lumine nodded along, fascinated by the word's etymology. "Wow, the Liyuean script is so complicated…"

   "... That is true. Many have said that it's truly very difficult for non-natives to learn."

   "Aww, but I want to learn…"

   His eyes flickered up to her, her own golden eyes avoiding his as she fiddled with her fingers, a nervous habit of hers he had long since picked up on. 

   Although, learning a language was hardly something to be nervous about, especially when she hadn't even started yet.

   "Why would you go through all the effort for basically nothing? There is nothing for you to gain from learning, especially since you've been getting along just fine without it."

   "It's not that… I just… wanted to learn it better, learn more than a few phrases… for you," she mumbled, finally turning her doe eyes up to meet his. For a moment, he was lost in the swirling gold, contemplating her words. She was always too kind, too selfless. Always so sweet and perfect.

   Always this, always that, always everything good in the world.

   Then he turned away and scoffed; she was also always ridiculous, it seemed.

   "That is unnecessary. I've long since learned the common language of all Teyvat; there is no language barrier here."

   "It's not that there's a language barrier here, but… you're always doing things for me to 'understand me better', and I… would like to do the same for you," she admitted, and his heart cooed at how adorable she was being. "I heard that saying things in your mother language makes it more meaningful, and I'd like to make our conversations more meaningful to you."

   Well, she wasn't wrong. The nuances in other languages change the meaning of every phrase. In Fontaine, for example, one doesn't say "I miss you," one says, "Tu me manques." For someone who speaks both, the first just says, "Hey, I miss you; it's been a while since I've last seen you," the second says, "You are missing from me; I am experiencing a lack of you." The meaning and usage is the same, and most Fontainians don't see it as that deep. But for someone who grew up with Fontainian and began to speak it less and less over time, the two are different in a way that's more profound than just translation errors.

   For saying "I love you" in everyday life to remind friends and family of how much you treasure them is thoughtful, but saying "我爱你 (wô ài nî)" is too personal, hits too close to home, as if admitting that would irrevocably sear it into his soul, into the very fabric of his being. Because his native language was home, it was with whom he was born and raised and lived and loved in his earliest years, before harm could take that away from him. By confessing that to her, he would be wearing his heart on his sleeve and letting her catch a glimpse at his former self, at the tiny yet untainted part of him that he kept locked away, lest the karma fully consume him, his feelings for her becoming an irreversible truth.

   And that would make her rejection all the more unbearable, because he maybe could move on from an "I love you," but he could never hope to move on from a "我爱你".

   So he settled with telling her, "That's not necessary. I… find our conversations to be meaningful enough as they are."

   But then she pulled out the puppy dog eyes that begged him to reconsider, and his resolve crumbled like a sandcastle in water. He had his suspicions that she knew he could never say no to her, especially when she did that (and yes, she was aware of this fact).

   "Fine; I will teach you some of the Liyuean language," he relented, and was sufficiently compensated for his troubles with the sparkle in her eye and smile on her pretty pink lips. "To say hello, which literally translates to 'you good', you say…"

   It had been a week since he gifted Lumine his proposal gift— ahem, her butterfly necklace— and the results were already going exceedingly well. For example, less and less people started approaching her with love letters and flowers; most people that caught a sight of the jade pendant in between her collarbones took less than a second to look away, not wanting to risk pining over someone else's intended. Life was going great: nobody was trying to steal away his lovely little mate, and he could keep fooling himself into thinking he wasn't in love with her, but was only looking out for her safety, since he no longer has his bouts of jealousy to prove otherwise.

   Men were wolves, after all.

   Unfortunately, that all came crashing down when he was summoned to another meeting of the adepti: something he learned was never a good sign.

   "Oh this is so exciting! It's been so long since the last official adepti courtship and Rite of Union," Ganyu gushed from where she stood next to Cloud Retainer. 

   "If there was ever anyone who could complete the Rite of Union and share the Conqueror of Demon's powers, it is indeed the Savior of Liyue," Mountain Shaper mused.

   "We are surprised but gladdened that an adeptus like yourself is finally able to find happiness in the Traveler," Moon Shaper chuffed, clapping a hoof on his shoulder.

   "Please stop, you are severely misinterpreting the situation."

   "One thinks one interprets correctly; it is far too late to try to deny it now, Conqueror of Demons. The only thing missing is her bearing your physical mark and the birth of the fruition of your union."

   He sucked in a breath at that, because while yes, adepti were also called illuminated beasts, beasts they still were, and his beastly instincts were currently busy imagining a Lumine covered in his marks and claims, with the most prominent and beautiful one being the bite mark destined for the junction where neck meets shoulder. Hearing the other adeptus' words only added a spark to the flame, and it took an embarrassing amount of willpower to stay rooted in place and not immediately stalk off to find his mate and bring his fantasies to life right then and there.

   "Cloud Retainer is right, little yaksha. My, does this mean we have to start preparing for a new baby adeptus?"

   "Oh, that's right, Madame Ping! Awe, I would love to babysit for you two," Ganyu squealed. "Your child will definitely be the cutest!"

   He could already feel his face heating up (because yes, the children of him and his lovely Lumine would be his pride and joy). "I… don't know what you all are talking about."

   "Now now, young one, we at the harbor all have seen the Traveler walking all around Liyue with both a jade butterfly necklace and your scent heavily on her," Madame Ping teased, reaching out and pulling at one of his cheeks. Maybe this was why she chose to take the form of an elderly woman; though Xiao enjoyed seniority among the adepti due to either age or experience or both, and thus didn't fit the "young one" moniker, it felt disrespectful to get angry at a little old woman, even if said woman's hands were starting pinch just a little tad bit too hard.

   "And ones in the mountains saw the Traveler gathering flowers and herbs just this morning, among of which was more qingxin," Cloud Retainer continued.

   "No need to hide it, Conqueror of Demons. Though shocking that it actually happened, nevermind so soon, one is more than rejoiced that you have finally found a lover."

   "One thinks it's even more romantic that the Traveler will be both your first and last courtship."

   "It's just a necklace…" he tried arguing back against Moon Carver and Mountain Shaper weakly, despite knowing it was in vain. Because yes, while most of the people of Liyue today didn't understand adepti mating rituals and courting gifts, he forgot that the other adepti did.

   He also forgot that said other adepti were insufferable, and no amount of denying their claims could change their minds.

   "Hey Celestia, it's me, Xiao, again. Can you please just strike me down right where I stand? Thanks."

   "Hey Traveler, it's been a— shoot, it wasn't just a rumor?! I don't have a gift!"

   "Hey Yanfei, and it's fine! Just because it's been some time— we've been busy, after all, doing commissions all around Liyue, not just the harbor— doesn't mean you need to get us a gift."

   "Uh, speak for yourself! Paimon wants some of your My Way tofu! It's the best Crab Roe Tofu ever!"

   "No, it's not that— oh thanks Paimon, I'll make sure to make you some— but it's not that! But they told me he was denying it… ugh, I'm so rusty on adepti things, and I don't even know where to start on what to give… I'll be right back! Congratulations on the engagement!"

   "Wait, Yanfei— and she's off," Lumine deadpanned, hand outstretched uselessly in the air. "What engagement is she talking about?"

   "Paimon doesn't know either. She said something about 'adepti rituals', so maybe one of the adepti got engaged?"

   "But who? I didn't know that any of them were in relationships…"

   "Paimon bets it's one of the adepti back in Jueyun Karst! We haven't had a commission there this week, and we don't know much about them personally, so it makes sense that we didn't know about something like an engagement."

   "Oh… yeah, that makes sense. Kinda weird that she was talking to us so cryptically about it… maybe we're supposed to be involved somehow, since we've helped out during an adepti rite before?"

   "Oh no, what if we are?! Paimon doesn't want to be disrespectful to the adepti, Paimon doesn't wanna get cursed!"

   "Calm down, I'm sure it's not that bad—"

   "Quick, we need to go to Jueyun Karst now! We need to find out who got engaged and what we need to do, and we need to make sure everything goes perfect-er than perfect! Let's go, let's go, let's go!"

   "That's too far!" Lumine complained, shoulders sagging. "All our commissions are far from there. Let's just go ask Madame Ping; she's also an adepti and they're her friends, so she should know."

   "Alright, hopefully she doesn't tell them that we didn't know we were supposed to do something about it…"

   Though the walk to Yujing Terrace from the southern part of the harbor was at most half an hour, as Lumine and Paimon couldn't resist straying off course in favor of collecting items like Glaze Lilies and lotus heads, that seemed to have been ample enough time for Madame Ping to hear the news of the mystery engagement.

   "Hi, Madame Ping! It's been a while!" Paimon waved enthusiastically as Lumine reached the top step, smoothing the front of her dress as a gust of wind flew by, mischievously tugging the ends upwards. She made a mental note to pinch Venti's cheeks for trying to pull that on her yet again, though she did wonder what business the anemo archon would have in Liyue.

   (Somewhere in Mondstadt, Venti sneezed, grumbling that he felt like someone was blaming him for something one of the actual anemo vision holders did.)

   "Well, hello, children. You're here to talk about that engagement announcement, I presume?"

   "Hello, Madame Ping," Lumine greeted politely, while Paimon went straight to the point.

   "Wow, Granny, you're spot on! How'd you know?"

   "Yanfei just ran by in a complete hurry. Knowing her, I assumed she was just busy and overbooked with work as usual, but she came up to me and told me I needed to prepare an engagement gift, and so I did." She reached into her teapot and pulled out a golden box wrapped in a beautiful red silk ribbon. "I've been preparing to give this to you ever since I saw you walking around the harbor with the courting gift, but I never had the chance to confirm it for myself, especially since your intended is a stubborn boy who refused to say anything. Here, it's a golden tea set I've been saving for another adepti union. With the teapot, all tea made in it will be brewed to perfection, and with the tea cups, the tea inside will always stay at the perfect temperature."

   "Are you sure there's a whole set in here? Paimon feels like there's only one cup at best…"

   "Paimon, haven't you learned? We already established that with Madame Ping, there's always more than what meets the eye."

   "Haha, very perceptive as always, Miss Lumine. Indeed, the whole set is in there, and I guarantee that it won't get lost or break unless you place it elsewhere."

   "Wow, adepti magic is really something else…" Paimon gasped in amazement as Madame Ping just shook her head and chuckled fondly.

   "Well, off you go! I know you must be headed to Jueyun Karst to see the other adepti, and I'm sure they will be very pleased now that your union has been confirmed. Congratulations, Traveler," the elderly woman smiled at her, gently pushing at her shoulders and ushered her off. She had already taken out her map and pressed the waypoint nearest Mt. Aocang when she realized:

   "Wait, my intended?!"

   "You have kept one waiting for far too long," Cloud Retainer's voice boomed at them the second they reached the edge of the lake at the top of the mountain.

   "Ack! We're sorry, so sorry! We didn't mean to be late!"

   "Be at ease, one was merely joking."

   "Cloud Retainer! We're supposed to be congratulating the Traveler on her engagement, not scaring her half to death; her fiancé will kill us if he finds out how you're treating her, especially since he's being extra protective now…"

   "Hmph, one would like to see him try, but one heeds your advice, Ganyu."

   "So, about that engagement… who—"

   "Hold on! Before we discuss the details about the Rite of Union ceremonials— and human wedding bridesmaids, if you want to do both— let us at least give you our gifts!" Ganyu frantically interjected, pulling out a small rectangular red box. "Here, I got you a gold chai with a butterfly made of the finest quality jade the Qixing could find."

   Ganyu gently removed the lid to the box, and revealed a gorgeous two-pronged hairpin; it was smooth, solid twenty-four karat gold, and each leg was adorned near the top with lilies fashioned from a lighter karat gold, presumably ten. At the point where the two sides were joined was a large qingxin flower made of light green jade, the petals carved to perfection. A big, beautiful butterfly, perhaps a Queen Alexandra's Birdwing, was perched on the flower, its dark green jadeite contrasting the pale nephrite of the flora.

   "I don't know how much you know about hairpins in our cultures, but this specific type, called a chai, is considered a token of love. When you guys are separated, you break the hairpin in half and keep one part each, and reunite the pieces when you meet again; I used some adepti magic to make it so that the pin can be broken cleanly in half as many times as you need, and when rejoined, it will reform as if it was never broken in the first place. So, since you're a traveler and he's stuck in Liyue and everything, I thought this would be a nice gift," Ganyu blushed. "Oh archons, I hope I don't sound too much like a hopeless romantic right now, but… do you like it?"

   "It's beautiful, Ganyu! How could I accept something like this?" Lumine gushed, swatting Paimon's grabby hands away with a soft, "No, you can't sell it!"

   "No, no, I insist; it's the least I could do to celebrate your engagement!"

   "About that…"

   "One will not let Ganyu upstage oneself! Here, accept this," Cloud Retainer interrupted, and with a flick of her beak, a parcel wrapped in white and pastel blue paper appeared, floating in the air. Another wave of her beak had the package delicately unwrapping itself, revealing a red velvet box. All of a sudden, the top and bottom drawers opened forward and backwards respectively, showcasing two identical golden mirrors resting on plush velvet.

   "These mirrors are intended for you and your mate. When the bride peers into the mirror, she will be able to see the whereabouts of her groom. Similarly, when the groom peers into the mirror, he will be able to see his bride. Should both of you be looking into the mirror at the same time, a connection is formed, and both ends of the mirrors will be able to speak directly to each other. Make use of this on your travels."

   "Aww, that's so sweet! Paimon thinks adepti give the best gifts!"

   "But of course. Do not fret about breaking this mirror, for as long as your love remains strong, the mirror shall, too."

   "Guys, these are all lovely gifts, but I'm still confused… why are you giving me such elaborate gifts? And why are you talking about it as if it's my engagement? Shouldn't you give this for the adepti's engagement?" Lumine asked, nervously rubbing circles with her thumb on the smooth surfaces of the gifts in her hands

   "But we… are?" Ganyu replied, confusion evident on her face.

   "Oh, I get it! Are you asking me to pass the messages and gifts on to the other adepti? I can do that, though you didn't have to worry about me keeping it verbatim and—"

   "No! These gifts are for you, Traveler!"

   "Yeah, Lumi, listen to Ganyu! Let's keep these gifts, they sound so cool!"

   "But aren't these gifts kind of… romantic-type gifts?"

   "But of course; one should receive gifts of the adequate type to celebrate such a momentous occasion."

   "It's just as Cloud Retainer said: an engagement deserves to be celebrated with engagement-type gifts!"

   "Well yeah, but… who's engagement are we celebrating?"

   "Yours!" Ganyu and Cloud Retainer said in unison.

   "Mine?! I'm not engaged!"

   "Oh, perhaps the two of you were serious in wishing to keep the courtship a secret… hmph, he shouldn't have given you such an obvious courting gift, then," Cloud Retainer huffed amidst Lumine's panicking. "Everyone in Liyue knows the true meaning of butterflies: they are a sign of everlasting love. A gift of a jade butterfly from one to the other is tantamount to giving away one's heart to the keeper of one's affections. And though the people of Liyue have long since forgotten, we adepti are fully aware of the steps of an adepti courtship, and one knows a gift of intention when one sees one."

   "True meaning of butterflies?"

   "Oh no, was the engagement actually supposed to be low profile? I'm sorry, we just got so excited when we got the news that it was confirmed," Ganyu added solemnly, face full of remorse.

   "Oh, please don't feel bad, I'm just… a little overwhelmed, is all," Lumine consoled Ganyu; even though she was still confused about everything, she hated feeling like she was the reason her friend felt so guilty.

   "Are you sure?"

   "Yes, I'm sure. Thank you for the, um, gifts," she said with a smile, watching in relief as both parties in front of her seemed to lighten up.

   "It was our pleasure; now go, share these gifts with the Vigilant Yaksha."

   "Yes, I… will? I mean— I will. Goodbye Cloud Retainer, goodbye Ganyu." She waved, not letting out the breath she didn't even know she was holding until they were long gone.

   "Paimon, do you mind staying with Xiangling for a bit? I… I think I need to talk about this with a certain somebody…"

   It had been barely a day and a half since the disaster gathering at Jueyun Karst, which was, unfortunately, not enough time for Xiao to fully recover from the events that transpired. It didn't help that he hadn't seen his Lumine recently, as he had increased the frequency of his patrols to try and forget the literal torture he had to endure at the hands of Cloud Retainer and Madame Ping.

   Just as he finished eliminating the last samachurl from a hilichurl camp, he heard a familiar soft yet sweet voice whisper in the wind.

   "Xiao?"

   In a flash, he teleported to the source of the melodic voice, quietly observing with a wry smile as Lumine's head turned from side to side, scanning her surroundings on the top floor of Wangshu Inn.

   "What do you need?" He stepped out of the shadows, crossing his arms as he watched her whirl around at the sound of his voice. His heart fell to his stomach at the sight of what she held in her hands.

   Multiple bags were hanging from her dainty wrists, and he could see the corners and tops of more than a few boxes peeking out of the tissue paper. Knowing it was not her birthday, nor was it a big event, he could only assume the gifts were for one thing, and the signature red gift wrap, that cursed shade being one he only saw in weddings, confirmed his worst fears:

   He was not the only one the adepti called to a meeting.

   "Lumine, I—"

   "Um, hi, Xiao," Lumine started, and he immediately shut his mouth in favor of listening to what she had to say first. He would always put her first.

   "So, um… the adepti at Jueyun Karst gave me these to celebrate… 'our engagement'? And I was wondering if you happened to know anything about that…" she trailed off, shuffling her feet as her cheeks began to heat up with what he assumed to be embarrassment.

   "D-Don't mind them, they're just— don't take what they say to heart," he stammered, cursing his past self for naively thinking he could get away with giving Lumine his heart disguised as a simple birthday gift. He wasn't sure if the giddy excitement and satisfaction of secretly claiming his mate as his was enough to outweigh the sheer mortification he had unfortunately set up for himself right now.

   (As long as he could clear up the "misunderstanding" in the next ten minutes, then he would definitely consider it worth it.)

   "Oh, um, really? Because, um, when Cloud Retainer gave me this gift, she said something about the 'true meaning of butterflies'." Her sentence became quieter and quieter as it went on, and by the last word, he was sure it was only due to his enhanced hearing that he was able to understand it. She took in a breath to steel her resolve as she continued, "She said that 'everyone in Liyue' knows they are a sign of everlasting love, or something like that, so, you know, I just thought that, maybe…"

   This was it: this was the moment he really, truly wished to disappear off the face of Teyvat. Not when he became the last yaksha, not when he first became a slave to his master before Rex Lapis, not even when he was trapped and interrogated by the other adepti just yesterday; no, it was this exact moment where he fervently wished he could just disintegrate into thin air. Archons, he was way past the point of dying of embarrassment and shame; no amount of his torturous karma could ever amount to the sheer terror and dread that struck his very being at that moment. If his heart fell to his stomach earlier, it definitely fell out of his ass and was stomped on right now, because she knew now, she knew. She knew what his butterfly gift meant and she knew how he felt and she knew of his stupid plan and she knew, she knew, she knew.

   He doesn't know when he turned away from her, but he's glad he did: he wouldn't be able to handle seeing as her eyes darkened with disgust and her lips curled back in a sneer. He would never be able to handle watching as the sparkle in her eyes dimmed just a little bit, and was replaced by the damning hellfire that only appeared when she faced off against her enemies, only this time, they weren't focused on a dancing samachurl or chanting abyss mage; no, they were focused on him. And he didn't know which was worse: knowing he had become one of her enemies, or that he was the only exception— the only other entity— she despised aside from hostiles.

   He also didn't know when he clenched his fists, but he could feel his fingernails digging marks into his skin even through the tough leather of his gloves, and yet somehow that bit of pain was nothing compared to the way his heart wrenched in his chest. For the briefest of moments, he felt his veins burn with something red hot and searing, something that the lingering wrath of bygone gods latched onto and fed into. He was going to find Cloud Retainer, he was going to drag her out of her mountainous hiding place and he was going to positively eliminate her from existence, no, from the eyes of time itself.

   But just as quickly as he was consumed by the scorching anger, it disappeared, doused and drowned in freezing water, leaving him but an empty shell of a being. Because yes, a Golden-Winged King of Illumination he was, even the proudest Vermilion Bird amongst the constellations was still a bird, and birds of a feather always flocked together for a reason: they would die otherwise. His kind was the type that loved once and loved hard, the type that could and would die from heartbreak.

   It was already getting harder to breathe; although he probably wouldn't die from this, seeing as he had already become accustomed to loneliness, he would be but a laughable husk of a person: she was and forever will be the light in his life, even if she hated every atom of his being.

   "... That's the first I've heard of it. Don't believe the fairytales they are feeding you; there is nothing past it being an object of protection," he finally replied, because maybe, just maybe, if he could undo everything the others told her and convince her that he didn't have feelings, even though he did, he wouldn't have to hear her explicitly say she didn't feel the same way, or she already had someone in mind, or anything of the sort. If he could dissuade her from the truth, then maybe she'll just laugh it off and things could go back to normal and he could continue protecting her from a distance.

   "O-Oh, is that, is that so? Oh, okay, yeah, I mean— I should've known, that you're not that type of person." If he could get any more delusional, he would believe her tone of voice to be sad, melancholy even. "I just— I shouldn't have— I shouldn't have let them get my hopes up… of course it would be too good to be true, there's no way you'd like me back or anything…"

   A soft crash of boxes and bags falling to the floor made him whirl around, and his heart stopped as he saw the state he put Lumine in.

   She was wringing her fingers, as she always did when she was nervous, as she kept her gaze stubbornly downwards, her hair acting as a golden curtain that hid her face from him. The gifts were indeed on the floor by her side, and in between them he could see tiny droplets falling, darkening the wood at her feet.

   She was… crying? Because… she thought he didn't feel the same?

   Nothing could describe the waves of relief that rolled over him. If he was half-dead and despondent earlier, he was the exact opposite right now: his heart was beating faster than it ever had, skipping a beat every time he merely thought of her name. Never in a million years did he consider that she felt anything more than tolerance for him, never considered that his little fantasies had the chance of becoming reality. He felt like shaking his wings and taking to the sky in the hopes that soaring among the clouds could use up the adrenaline in his blood and calm his excitement. Never ever had he felt like this before, but right now he wanted nothing more than to sweep up his wonderful little mate in his arms and show her off to the world, bragging with the biggest smile to the rest of the world that she was his and he was hers; simply put, he had never felt more alive. 

   "I'm sorry for taking up your time, I'm sure you're busy keeping Liyue safe and all, so… I'm gonna— I'm gonna go now, I think. You should probably give all these gifts back, it would be… weird, if I did it, I think," she mumbled, and her words snapped him back to reality; this time, he didn't need to be the slightest bit disillusioned to hear the sob threatening to break her voice. "Your— your gift is still nice, though! I think I'm gonna stop wearing it, you know, so people don't get the wrong… impression."

   He had never moved faster, stepping forward as she turned around and catching the wrist that snuck to the back of her neck, no doubt ready to unclasp the necklace and keep it elsewhere. Already he felt a displeased growl rise up at the notion of his courting gift being off her neck, but when he pulled and turned her around, all that was forgotten as he saw her face.

   To him, her beautiful golden eyes, the ones he'd come to love so much, were shiny with the threat of tears, the ones she couldn't hold back having left slight streaks on her cheeks. Her eyebrows were bunched together, and he couldn't stop the hand that rose to smooth out the crease, chasing away the wrinkles. Her lower lip was trembling, and he wanted to throw himself off a cliff at her small sniffle, her nose scrunching and reddening at the action. He was going to stab himself in the side for being the cause of such anguish, and then he was going to kill himself again for being the worst mate ever for even allowing such hurt to come her way.

   To her, he never looked more tragically beautiful: his whole face was flush with life, his cheeks a shade of jolly red. He was panting, as if he had run a mile, but he had barely taken a step; no, instead, he was panting simply from barely containing his excitement. And his eyes— oh, his eyes— they had never looked more mesmerizing. His golden eyes were wide and sparkling with something similar to adoration, and it took her breath away. Yes, she had seen that sparkle in other people, but it was both better and worse to see such raw passion and affection in those red-lined eyes: eyes that belonged to someone she loved so much but was still so unattainable.

   "W-Wait, I— I lied," he said, stumbling over his words as he pulled her to his chest. Her eyes widened at both the barely contained happiness and meaning in his words.

   "You… you lied? So, that means—"

   "Yes, the story about butterflies is true," he soothed, the croon in his voice hoping to calm her down and quell her fears as his hands cupped her cheeks and wiped away her tears. 

   "So— so then the feelings—"

   "— Are mutual, yes." Now that he had her, he couldn't stop himself from nuzzling her nose with his the same way two cockatiels nudge their beaks against the other's.

   "Are you… are you sure? You… you like me back?" She tilted her head up to him, rubbing her cheek against his palm like a cat as she asked her question, hope evident in both her tone and eyes hidden under long lashes.

   "Yes," he assured, yet the smallest hint of uncertainty remained, peskily dampening her luminosity, and that just wouldn't do. "I— I like you." And though he'd rather have said it more confidently, less embarrassedly, and without the stutter, watching as her face finally fully brightened with nothing holding her back was more than rewarding, and so he said it again in the hopes of getting another similar reward.

   "I…" she started, but couldn't finish, instead burying her face into his neck, which provided him with the perfect opportunity to openly scent her as her official, actual mate, an opportunity he gladly accepted. He doesn't know when he started, but her giggle alerted him to his apparent cooing to dispel her embarrassment as he rubbed his cheek to the top of her head, his arms having pulled her impossibly closer and secured her in his embrace, his hands keeping her under his chin and running up and down her side.

   She slightly pulled back, and though he was loath to part with her, her words made it worthwhile. 

   "I like you, Xiao," she said with her petal pink lips tilted up in a smile, her cheeks dusted with the most beautiful shade of hopelessly-in-love red, her eyes shining with a mixture of love and adoration and happiness and sheer joy at being at the right moment at the right time. He made sure to burn the image into his memory, knowing full well that a simple Kamera picture would do her an injustice.

   He smoothed her hair away from her face, giving him enough real estate to press a kiss to every inch of her face he could reach. "I like you too, Lumine."

   "I really, really like you, Xiao," she laughed at the ticklish feeling of him peppering kisses all over her face, and he swore he never heard anything more perfectly melodic than her laughter like light, chiming bells, making him feel as if he weighed even less than the air around them

   "I really, really like you too, Lumine."

   And as he sealed the deal by capturing her lips with his, relishing in the feeling of her soft and plush lips against his, he thought that maybe, just maybe, all that embarrassment and shame and awkwardness from earlier was more than worth it. And when he chased her lips again immediately after she broke away for air, he thought that even if he had known beforehand all the trouble he'd have to go through just to claim this wandering star as his, he would do it all again and again in a heartbeat.

   (And maybe, just maybe, he would let Cloud Retainer live unscathed, and when she found an untagged box at the entrance of her domain filled with materials and parts for various machines, maybe, just maybe, it was from him.)

Bonus:

   “Hey, Xiao?”

   A noncommittal hum from the man currently holding her hostage in his arms prompted her to continue, still entirely too focused on rubbing his face across every square inch of the skin of her collarbones and shoulder blades. She huffed in fondness as he kept going back and kissing the bite mark at the junction where her neck sloped into her shoulders, courtesy of said man behind her. He had given it to her around a few days ago, saying something about mates and claiming and marking, or something. She was too busy crying and begging for him to stop teasing at the time to pay attention to what he said, but it was healing nicely, so she didn’t really mind.

   “I know you said I didn’t have to learn your language, but when you taught me how to say ‘hello’ I figured out how to say something else, so... wo ai ni?”

   Xiao froze, completely halting all movements as he stayed eerily silent. She began to worry that she somehow messed it up, and began spouting apologies.

   “I’m sorry, I probably messed that up really bad, and I didn’t even try to match the accent; did I say something offensive? I’m sorry—”

   He cut her off by abruptly standing and gathering her in his arms, carrying her in a bridal carry as he promptly turned and walked in the direction of their now shared bedroom, throwing her on the bed and wasting no time climbing over her.

   “Xiao? What are you— ah!”

   “我爱你,” was his only reply as he continued what he was doing.

   “W-Wait, but we just— hahn!” She cut herself off with an embarrassingly loud whine, and he rewarded her with a soft coo of his own.

   The bite on her neck was healing a bit too nicely, he thought to himself. Therefore, the only remedy was to redo it.

THIS IS SO LONG BUT I FINALLY FINISHED IT I LOVE XIAOLUMI MY BABIES <33333 i might crosspost this to ao3 so don’t worry if u see this there it’s probably me

#genshin impact #genshin impact lumine #genshin impact xiao #Lumine #xiao #xiaolumi #xiao x lumine #xiaolumi fic #genshin fanfic #xiaolumi my beloveds #finally finished this its so long wtf #timeline who? don't know her

[myddrinmob]

Coeden Onnen

It is cold and dark, this place we are shown. Pale rock shines - coated with ice, a thousand sharp crystals - and somewhere beyond our sight is the irregular drip drip of water falling onto stone. A cave. There is someone here. Burgundy robes, which we have seen before in a midnight market. Hands which we have seen passing a necklace to and fro: we watch them now, standing before a waist high font hewn from the very stone of the cave, dipping their fingers in so that they can better work the clay they hold. They are shaping it with long digits into a creature no bigger than can be held in their hands. It is more or less reptilian, with something approaching a crest on its head, scales down its back and legs. The tiny creature is placed in a hinged egg, which bears, in expensive red ink, images of snakes and lizards and a very familiar symbol. Two chevrons, overlapping, with a dot in the diamond space in the middle.

Chapter three is here! And we have our first truly big changes from canon: the casting of Nimueh, the language of magic, and the Merlin's secrecy.

With no slight at all to Michelle Ryan, I've always thought that Nimueh should have been cast with an older actor. She's meant to be a contemporary of Uther and Igraine, part of their court in the lead up to the purge, and while her youth can be explained away -

UTHER It can't have been. We'd know her. That witch's face is not easily forgotten. GAIUS She's a powerful sorceress. She can enchant the eye that beholds her. We never knew it was her.

- I just wasn't satisfied with such lukewarm reasoning. So, the planning for this chapter included the search for a new Nimueh.

I gave myself some limitations, which I've used for all the new casting I've done for this story:

No actors who don't normally do this kind of television work - that means I can't cast Cate Blanchett in a role.

No-one who wasn't working when the show was airing - 2008 to 2012.

If in doubt draw from the known pool of BBC and period actors - the old joke that we all know Britain only has ten actors etc etc.

If you've seen my reblogs, you already know who I picked - Michelle Gomez, who can do weird as easily as she can do regal, and can hold her own in a scene with Anthony Head and Richard Wilson. We're ditching the prom dress in favour of something almost as anachronistic but many times more dignified, with inspiration from gods, queens, and whatever pre-Roman fashion I can find.

Emphasis on the pre-Roman - for a show about a Celtic myth, BBC Merlin sure gets unecessarily into the English side of it? Like, mild tangent, but we could have had three lovely Irish accents in the main cast if they hadn't been cowards about it - Nimueh sounds Glaswegian now, bite me BBC - and at least an attempt at Old Welsh for our magic, instead of the bizare choice that was Old English.

You know, Old English? The language of the Angles and the Saxons et al? The traditional enemy of Arthurian heros (if we ignore the Romans and each other) and the mooks of evil Morgana in season five? Why is our Welsh-derived mythocial magic sounding closer to Beowulf than to the Mabinogion?

Anyway, the magic is in Welsh now.

Or, as Welsh as I can reasonably get: I didn't want to use modern Welsh as our magical language because that feels weird ('Welsh is a living language, not a prop' being about the sum total of my feelings on it) and to no-ones surprise the resources on Old and Middle Welsh just aren't there in the same way as for English, so I've reached a comprimise with myself. I'm taking poetry and prose from the Welsh tradition and - choosing the lines that fit the gist of the spell, then finding those lines, changing the othography a bit, making valiant guesses - using those instead.

An example of my method, for those interested. Note - my Modern Welsh is limited to 'hello', 'goodbye', and 'tea, thanks', and my Old Welsh non-existant, so bear with me.

Lets go with a line of magic from the start of the episode:

In the waters of her font, the woman in the burgundy robe watches. The water shows her - and us - things beyond natural human sight. As the water displays the far-distant egg bobbing in the unknown pool, the woman speaks “Trannoeth y bore ef agychwynnawd hela ac adoeth y dyffrynn afon adygwyd y Camelot.” From with the egg, the creature reaches out. The shell cracks.

Working from this website, that line started out life as:

"Trannoeth y bore ef a|gychwynnawd a|e|nifer ac a|doeth y dyffrynn auon a|dygỽyd y ruuein."

"And the next day in the morning he set forth with his retinue, and came to the valley of the river that flowed towards Rome."

'ỽ' is an older Welsh letter that isn't used anymore. Most medieval and later texts gloss it as 'w', so I did that. Same kind of deal with some uses of 'u', which was often used in place of 'v' - for clarity of pronunciation, I change it to the more modern 'f', which is in Welsh equivalent to modern English 'v', so 'auon' becomes 'afon'.

Ruuein - modern is Rhufien - is Rome, which is not where Nimueh is sending the egg, so change that for Camelot. Cut ou the bit about the retinue, which involves me painstackingly trying to work out exactly which words mean what and deleting as necessary - abusing translation websites as best I can.

Lastly, something that is entirely guesswork. The OG texts I'm working from have a lot of '+' signs, which I'm confident just means a word is continuing over the line. It also has other notation that I'm not sure on, such as the '|' that appears in words, usually if they begin with a. I mostly just delete these and hope the language gods look kindly upon me.

Like I said, I don't speak Welsh, ancient or otherwise - if you do, and you want to tell me something about it (critique about my use, advice, fun facts) please do! I'm doing my best, and I'm always happy for my best to be better.

By the Triple Goddess, this is already so long. What else was I gonna say?

...

...

...

"I'm sorry," he says, words tumbling from his mouth, true but inadequate for what he's done. Gwen looks at the ground as she replies, as if she is the one who should be ashamed. "It's not your fault." "Well…" Well. It is, isn't it. Gwen is about to speak again, is looking up at him again, and if he doesn't confess now he never will -

Listen. Listen.

OG Merlin is forever alone.

And that works, to a point - part of the tragedy of the show is that Merlin only ever has enemies and allies he can never fully trust (RIP Lancelot) - even Gaius lies to him, tells him to let people die, whatever the shit was happening in 1.06. That's some juicy tragedy goodness! Love that!

But like.

Hmm.

This show isn't actually a tragedy tho, is it? We get tragic moments, we get the curbstomp moment of the finale (on xmas day??? the fuck bbc), characters die and fail and betray our heroes, yada yada.

But we also get moments that are arguably tragic, but which the show doesn't treat as tragic.

Every single moment Merlin kills a magic user - or near enough that I can't recall an exception - is treated as triumphant. Every time Merlin saves the life of genocidal tyrant Uther Pendragon - triumphant. Every time we return to the status quo - triumphant. The tragedies are only interpersonal - on the many occasions where Merlin drives Arthur further away from accepting magic, it's tragic because of how it affects Merlin, and his relationshop with Arthur - not because of the ongoing persecusion.

The show focuses on the interpersonal to the exclusion of everything else, and then it doesn't even do that full justice. Arthur and Merlin suffer a bit from the new trek Kirk-Spock phenomenon, where we forget other characters exist, and we forget their own dynamics with our main protag.

(Another part of the tragedy, right? That Merlin ends up only seeing Arthur, and nothing else - and maybe only his idealised Arthur at that. Another one that goes largely unaddressed.)

So, Gwen.

I don't want to go too much into why I wanted someone in on the secret, and why I wanted it to be Gwen - we'll get there later in the season - but at least part of it is to balance out the allies Merlin has. The dragon, who wants to get rid of Uther and return magic; Gaius, who wants everything to stay exactly as it is; and Gwen, who wants...

Well, she a different kind of moral beast than the others, isn't she? Let's just see how different.

#bbc merlin #Merlin #Guinevere #season one #the mark of nimueh

[seths-wife]

"What in the world is evil?" Discussion on the personal responsibility of the evillious "contractors" - Gammon’s take - (1)

Disclaimer: the discussion about Gammon's take will be divided into two posts, otherwise one post would be far too long to read.

In the last part, we’ve gone through a small excerpt of the “clockwork lullaby” album booklet, in which Kiril Clockworker blames himself for the destruction of the world as he recognizes his own fault (by letting himself be tricked into the illusion of resurrecting Elluka Chirclatia) in letting the destroyer of the “third period”, Levia, to descend to from the ruins of the “climb one”.

We’ve also seen how the “demons” of the series are also released from the “climb one”, and they share more or less the same mentality and goals as Levia, considering that they originally side with her in the quarrel against Levia and Hazuki. 

Levia, Behemo (at least at first), and the “demons” all are hers that want to destroy the “third period” and the attempted order Luna, Sickle, and Held have tried to establish in it while sealing their opponents.

Those “opponents” come out to be the main disruptors and antagonists of the “third period”’s stability and the minds behind all the series’ “contractors”.

But what about those? Are the main “contractors” of the series unaccountable for their actions? Can we say that is it all the series’ “demons” fault?

Let’s see what Gammon Octo has to say about this subject. 

Ever since, for these one thousand years, various ‘evils’ have caused incidents to occur. The duke venomania Event, the lucifenian revolution…Perhaps those of you who are religious will say that this is because influential figures of the time were possessed by demons. But…That is wrong! What is truly, sinfully dreadful—is the desires of humanity! The ‘demons’ that dwell in people’s hearts!”  (“master of the heavenly yard”, chapter 2–hunt for the deadly sins; scene 4)

“The ones that created the source of our country’s downfall—were people. Yes, what we truly ought to fear is humanity…the desire that lurks in human hearts.”

“I don’t understand…I don’t get it. People witnessed the dragon god destroying our country. Yet you say the catastrophe was the work of humanity?”

“You’re smart, so I’m sure you’ve already noticed several things that are unnatural about the catastrophe, haven’t you? The senate was in the process of achieving the gods’ demands.” (“oss-to” - “music box of recollection”).  

Interestingly, Adam and “doll director” also state something similar in capriccio farce in a duet. This can potentially lead to a particular hypothesis: what I here call “Gammon’s take” is actually the take of the characters involved in the “court ending” of the series. This is just a hypothesis for now.

What was truly dreadful

was the desire of humanity (“capriccio farce”).

Whatever the case may be, this particular take wants to put emphasis on the personal responsibility and inherent “sinfulness” of the series’ “contractors”: even with the influence of the evillious “demons”, “what is really dreadful is the desire of humanity”.

Is this claim correct?  

A way to ascertain whether or not it is so is by analyzing the relationship between an evillious “contractor” and its assigned “demon” in the series.

Let’s look at Cherubim’s case first: even before the contract, he holds a deep desire for love (from Gumina, in particular, but in general, as well).

Continuing to stare at Ir, never averting his gaze, the man whispered, “I wasn’t able to achieve anything. Not until this point, and probably not after it either.”

“What did you want?”

“…Love. I wanted someone to love me.”

[...]

“You want ‘love’, do you?… hmm, that’s perfect. I have here with me now something that is ideal for you.”

Ir took out the “vessel of deadly sin” and held it out before him.

“Stab this katana into your chest in place of that dagger. Once you do, you will obtain what you desire.”

“…What does that mean?” the man asked doubtfully, a spark of interest entering his eyes. Though he seemed to be a bit bewildered at the suggestion that he pierced his chest with the katana, his craving for “love” was stronger. (“lunacy of duke venomania”, prologue).

The duke’s desires are in line with those of the “demon of lust”...

That is proof of the contract

I have surely accepted

this blood, filled with your desire (“lunacy of duke venomania”, prologue).

…and he makes the latter give him the enchanting power to pursue his own wishes (1) and also exacerbate his raw material (his desire) even more, to the extreme (2). 

Cherubim basically gives himself over to Gilles, when he makes that contract. It all starts with Cherubim’s desire; the demon only amplifies what is already present inside his heart.

In order to clarify this, I want you to have a look at what the series’ “demon of lust” (Gilles Derais) tells Cherubim in order to forge the contract.

Give it over

Give yourself over to me (“lunacy of duke venomania”, prologue).

“Give yourself over to me” is an expression that could otherwise be read as: “Deliver yourself to me”. That reinforces the concept of the series’ “contractor” giving their desire to the evillious “demon”. Only after that, the latter can lend its power to achieve what they desire while enhancing those desires, as you can see in Cherubim’s case. 

“Stab this katana into your chest in place of that dagger. Once you do, you will obtain what you desire.” (“lunacy of duke venomania”, prologue).

According to ir, once he got used to dealing with it he would be able to make use of that power without having to demonically transform like he did before.

Only, there was a condition to being able to maintain it.

That being that he needed to have intercourse with a woman periodically.

For that reason, if he ever interrupted his life with a woman, the contractor would be taken by an extreme lust, and come to desire women’s bodies. When he’d lost his memories Sateriasis had feared that, and kept his distance from those around him.

(“lunacy of duke venomania”, chapter 2-mikulia greeonio; scene 2).

Now, let’s take Banica Conchita’s case.

The “demon of gluttony”, Vlad Tuperci, in the novel “evil food eater Conchita” (similarly to the “demon of lust”) makes her “immune” to all sorts of poisons, making her able to eat anything she wants (lending of power to achieve her desire) (1) while fueling her appetite (2).

Vlad Tuperci explicitly tells Banica that he can make her taste all food, any food, including extreme “evil” food.

<…Well, that is after all the limit of a human being. If you want my opinion, you have still fallen short of true "food”–by at least half>

“…What do you mean?”

<Do you want to know? –To know of a world of new, extreme “food” that you’ve never seen?>

That was a very enticing offer for Banica.

“But I’m going to die in half a year aren’t i?”

<Ordinarily, yes…but if you give over your body to me, then I can change even that pronouncement>

“Goodness, what a proposal…So, basically, you’re telling me to sell my soul to a demon.”

The room was pitch-black, the lights extinguished. But even if there was some illumination in it, Banica would not be able to confirm clearly for herself what it was that was in front of her.

There was just a red shimmer.

<Not a bad proposition, is it? You’ll be reborn, and be able to climb the heights of all “food”> (“evil food eater conchita”, poisson-smothered ziz tiama; scene 8).

The mellalga mushroom was something said to be representative of all poisonous mushrooms, which once you ate it would make your whole body grow swollen and red as though you were being burned.

“But Conchita did. And it’s not just plants. There are animals that are poisonous too, and she’s been regularly eating them without excising the poison. But she hasn’t died or even become bedridden.”

Platonic’s impression of the state of affairs was gradually getting more horrific.

Eating bugs, devouring poison–maybe Conchita really was a witch. (“evil food eater conchita”, sorbet-plateau sherbet; scene 3).

During the “contract”, Banica’s already prominent appetite is greatly enhanced. In fact, when she eventually eats parts of the “grim the end” item (in the form of fine golden powder)*, she partially loses that enhancement that she has obtained from the “demon”, even getting to find the food distasteful.

*The “golden powder” that Carlos had was said to be in actuality something shaved from a treasure, the “golden key”, that was passed down through the Marlon family.

Its composition isn’t certain, but as there was no mistaking that it was made of metal, it was only natural that it would be poisonous to drink by itself.

I myself am much more intrigued by the ziz tiama ink that could cancel out its toxicity.

The “golden key” was passed down among the Marlons as a weapon that could defeat demons. Actually, there are records that claim that a Marlon ancestor, Karchess Crim, used the key to kill duke Venomania during the “Venomania event”. (“evil food eater conchita”, viande–xxxx steak; scene 12).

Banica’s power was weakening, little by little. [...]

Her appetite was also starting to go down. She would still eat all there was without leaving anything, but it was clear by her expression she was no longer satisfied by it. It wasn’t the dissatisfaction of not wanting to eat any more, but rather a displeasure with its flavor. In actuality, the amount that she ate had clearly gone down from before. (“evil food eater conchita”,dessert–combo platter of varied desserts; scene 4).

That is because “grim the end” in the series is a weapon that specializes in weakening the power of the “demons”, and also kill them.

As she spoke, Bufuko pulled out something that looked like a key from inside her maid uniform.

“And that is?”

“One of the ‘vessels of deadly sin’, grim the end. It’s a tool that can weaken the power of the ‘demons of deadly sin’, and also kill them.”

As she spoke, Bufuko took the key and suddenly—stabbed it into my forehead. (chapter 3–the tale of kokutan; scene 6).

Despite the “demon of gluttony” pushing her appetite in an unnatural way and making her not only survive poison or gross foods but also find pleasure in eating them, the core of the “contract” in the novel starts with Banica, whose prime goal has been experiencing all food possible, the “demon” only comes into play with helping her achieve her desire.

A world of new "food"…hm

Did something like that really exist? There was no one who knew as much about food as Banica.

Someone like her, falling short of half of all "food”?

How idiotic.

But…supposing there really is “food” that she doesn’t know about,

then by all means she would like to experience it.

Those were her honest feelings. (“evil food eater conchita”, poisson-smothered ziz tiama; scene 8).

Some people may advance the objection that “Banica eventually contracts with Vlad, in order to avoid death”. 

Well, no…

Actually, in the novel, Banica doesn’t mind dying because she genuinely denies having any regrets...specifically, regrets about food, since she claims to have eaten “every dish she could find in this world [“third period”].

<Long time no see, Banica Conchita.>

It turned to Banica and began to speak to her.

But its form was blurry, and she couldn’t clearly make out what it really was.

“Who are you? Although you seem to know me.”

<Ah, yes…To put it in the words your kind uses, I suppose that would make me a “demon”>

“Oh my…Does that mean you’ve finally come to take me away?”

Despite being put in such a bizarre situation, Banica remained calm.

Just as the “demon” had implied, she got the feeling that she knew this creature well.

<The pronouncement of your death–well, that’s not a bad guess. If you continue this way, then you will take a trip to the hellish yard in six months’ time>

“…So the cause is overeating after all?”

<Correct.>

“If that’s the case, then I have no real regrets. For i have already tasted nearly every dish i could find in this world.” (“evil food eater conchita”, poisson-smothered ziz tiama; scene 8).

…but then, if you notice, Banica regains her will to live when Vlad makes his proposal (even though, reluctant at first, when she considers how her family and other members of her household have died because of a “curse”, in the novel). You can see how, even before the contract, Banica has always desired to taste “all food”.

  

…The demon.

Banica remembered what had happened last night.

That was the demon’s invitation. If she were to drink up that liquid, then she would become contracted to it.

A world of new "food"…hm

Did something like that really exist? There was no one who knew as much about food as Banica.

Someone like her, falling short of half of all "food”?

How idiotic.

But…supposing there really is “food” that i don’t know about

Then by all means she would like to experience it.

Those were her honest feelings.

“So then…what even is this liquid in the first place?”

The demon had said it was one of the things that she’d desired.

“Bloodgrave? …It couldn’t be. That wine hasn’t been finished yet.”

Then, inevitably that meant that the answer was the other thing.

Banica gave the liquid a sniff.

It had a faintly metallic scent.

“Could it be, that this is baemu…blood!?”

The legendary red pig, the baemu.

Its vital lifeblood was now before her.

–What in the world would it taste like?

An intense curiosity took hold of Banica’s heart.

“I mustn't…If I drink this, then i–”

Despite saying so, Banica was bringing the wineglass up to her mouth.

“–I–i…what do i want to do?”

She swiftly brought her lips to the rim of the glass.

If she tilted it up further, the liquid would settle straight in Banica’s stomach.

“Inquiry into ‘food’–I’ve poured my life into that. Take 'food’ away from me–”

.

And what in the world could she say was left? (“evil food eater conchita”, poisson-smothered ziz tiama; scene 8).

Adding to all of this, even before the contract, the novel already portrays Banica as a glutton, displaying an already uncommonly prominent appetite on her own. 

Banica had hidden something from Carlos. She was a gourmet, but at the same time, she was also actually a terrible glutton. It’s been said that the amount she ate in one meal at that point was three times that of the average person. (“evil food eater conchita”, soup-cupid horn neck soup; scene 8).

So…both in Banica and Cherubim’s events, a pattern is clearly visible.

A potential contractor has some personal predisposition to one of the “deadly sins” in the series.

One of the “demons” of the “third period” offers the possibility to fulfill their wish.

The “contractor” accepts the “offer” and the demon fuels their disposition and puts them in the condition to fulfill their wish in an unnatural way.

For Riliane and Nemesis, the situation is more complex because in the series they don’t expressively choose to contract with a demon, therefore steps 2 and 3 of the aforementioned schematic pattern are missing.

Despite that, I can still show how in the series both of them have had some predisposition to the demon they eventually have unknowingly contracted with, before the contract, or after it.

As for Riliane, a way I can prove that is by the following reasoning: by the time Riliane joins the “monastery” with Clarith, she isn’t influenced by the “demon of pride” anymore…

I was a little dissatisfied, but she of all people would treat Michaela well. But as I was still a little uneasy, I went to secretly watch her a little while after that. Surprisingly, Riliane was there. After Elluka had observed her for a short period, we decided to leave without doing anything. It seemed she was no longer possessed by a demon.

In the end, we had been unable to stop the lucifenian revolution from happening. As for Riliane having been possessed again, the cause of the whole thing, we did not know how the demon had left her again. (“wiegenlied of green”, epilogue-the whereabouts of the demon?; scene 2).

…yet, Riliane still continues with her immature and bratty behavior.

Look at this little episode, for example.

It was around the time that the regular farming began, with the warm season having arrived.

A new fellow had joined the monastery.

“You need to shape up! Honestly, loafing around here again!”

I could hear angry ranting from the back of the farming toolshed. When I hurriedly went to see what was going on, an elderly nun and a blonde haired girl were arguing back and forth.

“If you don’t work, then you aren’t getting lunch for today, Rin!”

“You’re so annoying. How am I supposed to carry such heavy tools all by myself!?”

Again?…

While a little fed up with it myself, I took up in both arms several of the hoes scattered next to Rin.

“I’ll help you out halfway, so we’ll go together?”

“Clarith! Don’t you spoil that girl!”

The elder nun looked terribly shocked, her hands on her hips.

“She hasn’t gotten used to life here yet…please go easy on her.”

“I think that’s been the problem when it comes to Rin. At any rate, everyone’s tired of waiting. I’m taking over the fertilizer, so you two hurry up and bring over those hoes.”

She easily hoisted two bags of fertilizer up on her shoulders, and quickly headed for the fields. After watching her go, I turned to face Rin.

“Well then, let’s go, Rin.”

“…No. It’s too much bother.”

But Rin sat down on the spot and looked away.

“Those who don’t work can’t eat. If you don’t take these over, then you can’t have supper.”

“Then you should sneak me some food again, Clarith.”

“I can’t keep doing the same thing over and over. If I’m caught then we’ll both get a good tongue lashing.”

“Well in any case I don’t want to do it! No way.”

[...]

While looking at Rin out of the corner of my eye, i said, loud enough that she could hear, “How impressive for you, Denis! Carrying so many hoes at once! That would be impossible for a lazy person who’s always slacking off, huh!”

When i did, Denis replied loudly to me, as though he had guessed the situation, “What are you saying, Miss Clarith! There’s no one at this monastery so good-for-nothing that they can’t carry this many hoes! Why, i’m sure even someone much smaller than myself could carry even more than this!”

Even though she was laying down, Rin’s eyes flickered our way. It seemed we had greatly wounded her pride. Just another push now. Time for the finishing blow.

“You’re so amazing, Denis. In thanks for helping me, i’ll serve you some brioche as a snack later!”

In that moment, Rin emphatically rose up and snatched the hoes from Denis’ hands.

“I can do it too! Even i could carry this much. So then i’ll be the one to get the brioche!”

“Woah! Way to go, miss Rin! You’re so reliable!” Denis said loudly in feigned surprise. Then he winked at me and returned to the ring of children playing.

Though Rin stumbled, probably because the hoes really were heavy after all, she put on a calm expression so as to not let on that they were and said suddenly, with great resolution, “Come on, let’s go Clarith! Come with me!”

“Ho ho, alright. Let’s go, Rin.”

We walked towards the field. When I looked up the sky was without a single cloud; perfect weather for farming. (“wiegenlied of green”, chapter 4, section 2-the small bottle of the beach; scene 1).

Now you might say: “maybe Riliane keeps acting like this because she has learned so from the demon since she had been a child, and now she has trouble getting accustomed to a different attitude.”

Well…in the series, even before getting possessed by Marie Annette (the “demon of pride”), Riliane is still selfish on her own. 

Look at the “twiright prank” episode, for example, especially the different attitudes the twins Allen and Riliane display towards Banica: Riliane refuses to share her snack, while Allen does so, acting more kindly.

Making a greedy face,

it fixes a glance this way

because I won’t

give up my snack! (“twiright prank”).

Riliane has never been that generous, sweet person towards the needy, most likely because she has lived in a spoiling, luxurious environment with no exposure to the needs of the general populace. When the contract happens, even without her will, Marie Annette enhances her pre-existing pride. 

With this, we can see how Riliane’s contract dynamic in the series shares several similarities with Banica’s and Cherubim’s cases, regardless of the “origin” of the contract: with or without the consent of the “contractor”.

After all, from what we’ve looked at in the last part: all the “demons” want is to cause chaos and violent acts as “hers”, disrupting the “order” decided by their opponents. It would be silly to think they would even ask for permission to do such a thing.

In the next post, I'll analyze all the other series' "contractors" as well, then I will draw my conclusions.

#evillious chronicles #evillious #riliane #banica conchita #cherubim venomania #sateriasis venomania #gammon octo #gammon loop octopus #doll director #gilles derais #vlad tuperci #marie annette

[kuma829]

Decorate♥Crimson Chocolat Festival Chapter Twelve

Yumenosaki’s prided No.2 will show them all what we can do… Prepare yourself, “ChocoFes,” for you haven’t seen anything yet.

Cast: Leo, Kuro, Souma, Keito

Author: Yuuki Yoshino

Season: Winter

Leo: Happy Valentine's Day…  ♪

 ♪~ ♪~

Kuro: (Woah… As soon as Tsukinaga took to ta stage there was a big cheer… A lot of the audience must’ve been here ‘cause of the Knights’s Chocolates)

Souma: Hmm… The “yunitto” who were performing this morning and the “yunitto” who are performing now are all seemingly on track.

The “shokora-fuesu” is less about winning and losing compared to the “dori-fuesu,”* is it not?

But, I feel this intensity of how they attempt to make the other “yunitto’s” fans, their own fans.

…Speaking of which, I have not been able to find Hasumi-dono amongst the crowd. Should I track his whereabouts?

Kuro: Ain’t Hasumi busy with student council work?

Knights also ended up performin’ later than they were scheduled, ‘n it seems small issues like this are littered throughout the event. 

I gotta admit, I can put myself in their shoes with this overwhelmin’ amount of work.

Keito: Excuse me, I’m here.

Kuro: Oh, look who just made it in ta nick of time’? Yer hair’s a mess, I’ll fix it for ya before ya hit the stage.

Keito: Thank you, you really saved me here. I just had a problem to deal with earlier, and I suppose it got messed up in the panic of the moment.

Anyway, the Knights’s performance is about to come to an end. It’s truly a performance only they could give.

It is indeed a unit who can stand by their chivalry.

Kuro: I wonder how they do it. Only they can say stuff as embarrassin’ as that and make it work.

But, well, look at that. All the customers are happy with it,  moanin’ stuff like ’ “kyaaah!” or “eeee!” like that. Their fans must have gone way up too.

Keito: Heh. We are AKATSUKI. Knights, as strong as they may be as a leading unit in Yumenosaki, cannot hold a candle to AKATSUKI.

Yumenosaki’s prided No.2 will show them all what we can do… Prepare yourself, “ChocoFes,” for you haven’t seen anything yet.

Kuro: …What’s with that look? Ya come up with some secret plan?

Keito: It’s true something like “ChocoFes” is something most suitable for a group like Knights, but…

In fact, because it’s them… The audience expects a certain performance from them.

Usually they’re free-spirited, but when working as Knights they put an emphasis on fanservice more than any other unit.

Some on-lookers may think, “well it’s only natural to do this,” and that, is the key difference between us and Knights.

Kuro: Aah, if there was a concert held for AKATSUKI, it would be a bit more formal, yeah?

But Hasumi, did ya finish your performance prep-work properly?

Ya keep sayin’ ya hate bein’ a smooth-talker, so do ya think you can stand on stage and say all that crap without gettin’ embarrassed? 

Keito: Don’t you worry Kiryuu, you’ll come to learn that you shouldn’t underestimate me.

…It looks like Knights are done now. Kiryuu, Kanzaki, it’s our turn now. Follow me.

Souma: Oooh…! Hasumi-dono, you stand with pride. Kiryuu-dono, let us push forward too.

Come come, everyone make way for the sounds heading your direction, for AKATSUKI is about to take to the stage…!

Kuro: Haha! Kanzaki’s so full of energy. I guess I’ve got no choice but to join in too. I’ll be sure to show you all a dream sweeter than these chocolates… ♪

/

*”dorifuesu” refers to dream fes

/

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#decorate #leo tsukinaga #kiryu kuro #souma kanzaki #Keito Hasumi

[detransdamnation]

Do you think there are any cases when transition is the answer, is justifiable? Really want to hear your thoughts on that. I hope you are doing okay

I'm doing alright this week. Thank you for caring, Anon.

Do I think transition is "the answer" in that it relieves dysphoria? Sure. That's... kind of why we seek it out in the first place, and the truth is, for the vast majority of people (anecdotally), transition does help to some extent for some length of time.

But do I think transition is "the answer" in that I think it is a valid means of addressing dysphoria, even if it "helps?" No, I do not.

My main reason for this is the medical implications. In the grand scheme of things, there are few studies on the long-term, objective health and well-being of medically-transitioned people, which goes to show that this "treatment" is closer to an experiment than anything else; however, what ones do exist show that medical transition does not actually help dysphoric people. In fact, on the contrary, it has shown to be detrimental to us. A collection of studies on medical transition and more can be found on Stats For Gender, a source I highly recommend—but if you want a basic gist,

The world's largest dataset on patients who have undergone sex-reassignment procedures reveals that these procedures do not bring mental health benefits.

[...]

[P]atients who had sex-reassignment surgery did worse than those who did not.

[...]

The study found no mental health benefits for hormonal interventions[.]

[...]

The study identified increased mortality and psychiatric hospitalization compared to the matched controls. The mortality was primarily due to completed suicides (19.1-fold greater than in control Swedes).

—“Transitioning” Procedures Don’t Help Mental Health, Largest Dataset Shows outlined in this post [AL], emphasis and edits all my own

[T]he risk for suicide went way up the longer time after treatment, suggesting that there is a “honeymoon” phase [...] which only lasts a few years at best[.]

[...]

[T]here is an initial period of patient satisfaction lasting a few years, but there is a drastic decline 5, 10 years down the line with increased risk of suicide and psychological and physical disability. Patients report way higher levels of satisfaction than objective statistics measuring health and well-being, indicating that they are not accurately perceiving reality.

—Excerpts from a breakdown of multiple studies on longer-term health outcomes of medically-transitioned people [AL], emphasis and edits all my own

Additionally, from a personal standpoint, I no longer believe that it is possible to truly separate gender ideology from the act of transition. This was my main reason for stopping hormone replacement therapy even despite my very severe dysphoria. My past attempt in being a gender-critical transitioning person didn't last long—because regardless of how I tried to twist it, I was still directly supporting something that I claimed to be against. I was still barely taking any steps to actually deal with my dysphoria beyond taking a shot, calling it a week, all the while scorning those who did the exact same thing (ironically). I was still looking at all these grave statistics, still genuinely believing that I was the exception to them and I did my transition "properly" and these people are victims but I am somehow exempt from them. We all think we're the proper exception, the special case, the last resort—and then, as the research shows, the majority of us end up killing ourselves because our "antidote" is a poison.

It is absolute, total bullshit. If the research that exists proves that outcomes in transition are overwhelmingly poor, why would I support transition? Why would you (rhetorical) support transition? Do dysphoric people deserve a "treatment" that shortens our lifespan?

For the record, I do not agree with taking the option of hormone replacement therapy away from transgender people who have been medically-transitioned for decades, or even those of us who have been transitioning/ed for a shorter length of time. I think that this would do more harm than good—physically, socially, and emotionally. I also don't think that the issue is as simple as just removing medical transition as an option going forward because the fact that people feel the need to seek transition out in the first place is a small part of many larger issues.

However, I do strongly believe that medical transition needs to be phased out as a "treatment" and become a thing of the past. I do not believe that transition is ever "the answer." Ethically, morally, I do not—cannot—believe that modifying one's body is ever an appropriate solution to emotional turmoil.

Death to gender and transition along with it. Those are my thoughts on the matter.

#and yes i am aware that the extended sources are coming from conservative platforms #keep bias in mind and read with nuance. take what you agree with and criticize what you don't. #submission #answered #gender critical #writing #reference #text #my post #sorry for the late response anon #i seem to be a day behind on all my submissions this week lmao

[redeemedqueen]

@redeemedsoutlaw continued from x | “ hey. i'm not going anywhere without you. that's a promise. “

A promise an attorney shouldn't make to their client. Professional and personal lines became blurred many moons ago which proved to be burdensome. Regina had worked her entire life to build her accomplished career. Gaining feelings for someone she was only meant to defend was a move which could topple it all. Now sitting back in an interview room feeling wholly hopeless he was faced with the truth of their entanglement. "Ms. Mills, I appreciate your diligent attempts to free me tonight but I'm quite certain they believe me guilty." A man with a protective order from rumors of an abusive marriage. False statements meant to bring Robin down. "I will be okay until morning." This wouldn't be the first night he slept in a cell and Zelena was trying to make sure it wouldn't be his last.

“Robin...” the emphasis on his first name instead of the formalities he used with her right now have once again proved just how much the lines between them have blurred over their time together. She itched to take a firm hold of his hand, but Regina knew that was a line she couldn’t risk to cross here, under the watchful eyes of too many witnesses. “You are no longer alone in this, alright? You have the most powerful team behind you. You have me. The time when Zelena thought she could exploit you and get away with it — it’s over. You will not spend another day or night behind bars because of that woman. That I do promise you.” Don’t make clients promises you couldn’t keep, and don’t get attached. Regina’s top rules as a lawyer have been tossed out of the window when she took Robin Locksley’s case. A case she initially refused to accept when Gold presented it to her. It came only a few months after Regina decided to take time off court when she realized her former client, the one she defended and truly believed was innocent, have been caught up committing a murder after she helped set him free. It was her very basic moral rule that Regina inadvertently broke: never defend a guilty person - not if she had even the slightest doubt regarding their innocence. It was a slap in the face to realize every instinct she had about the man were proved to be wrong. Maybe Regina Mills wasn’t as good as she claimed to be. But when Robin’s case was brought to her, all guards she built around her since have broken. Defending domestic violence victims wasn’t new for her. Her past personal demons, demons she never spoke of with anyone, were what made Regina so passionate about these cases. Defending a man in a domestic violence case, however, was certainly not the typical case she’d choose to take. From what Regina had seen, men appealing against their women have mostly been proved to be nothing more than some personal vindictive and vengeful agenda against them. Something about Robin Locksley was different, though. It was why Mr. Gold insisted to take this case to her and bring her back to court - he knew if he could get her on board - if he could get her to believe in Locksley’s innocence, they had very good chances to prove it to the jury and win this trial. Of course, it was more personal to her than Gold could even imagine. Regina’s own dark past played a huge part in why she felt so invested, but it was more than she ever felt before. This time, she was growing more and more invested and involved with their client on a much more personal level and Regina was willing to go as far as it took to make sure Robin Locksley will be proven innocent. Gold would murder her if he knew she made such a reckless promise to their client just now, but then again, he was the smuggest lawyer she had ever known and Regina had no doubt he was more than certain in their abilities to win this case.

#lawyer x client verse #lawyer x client 001 #redeemedsoutlaw #tw: abuse