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hazel-of-sodor · 6 months

Text

Day 23-Greater than Yourself

Traintober 2023

Other Stories

Day 23-Big World

Greater than Yourself

Samantha sprinted down the street, running desperately for Nicole's place. Behind her, she heard the jaguar-like growl of the thing behind her.

She risked looking and saw it leap out from behind the corner, its frames bending and arching like a jungle cat. It was a sports car...or had once been in the 30s. Now it was a twisted creature of hate and metal.

She swore and pushed herself faster, cursing that Nicole's apartment was so far from any rail lines.

She heard the animalistic growl of the car's engine grow louder as it approached, the streetlights flickering out as it raced down the street after her.

She saw Nicole glance out her window, drawn by the noise before racing to the door.

Samantha finally reached the stairs to the apartment, scrambling up them as she heard Nicole unlocking the door.

She slammed into the door, Nicole pulling from the other side...but it didn't move.

The car slowed, stalking forward, its engine revving in a harsh mockery of a laugh.

Nicole beat on the door, attempting to batter it down, but her attacks bounced off. The car reached the bottom of the stairs, waiting. Samantha could see Nicole's neighbors had been drawn by the noises, and all were struggling to open their doors, but like Nicole's their doors refused to move.

The car laughed again. Samantha closed her eyes, they were too far from any rail lines, she would never make it to the Ffarquhar sheds, but she had to try

"Nicole, I'm sorry"

Her firewoman stopped beating at her door to glare at her, "Samantha don't you dar..."

Samantha dove over the car, hitting the ground with a roll and coming up running.

She heard the car growl almost approvingly as it spun its tires, whirling around to pursue her. As she heard it approach she dove to the side, its bumper barely missing her as it swerved trying to hit her, frost spreading across her skin from the proximity. She rolled as the car turned towards her. She made the mistake of glancing towards Nicole, who was screaming as she beat at her door. The car took advantage of her distraction and lunged. Samantha rolled desperately...

SLAM! Crunch.

The street was suddenly bathed in golden light and the car yowled in pain.

Samantha looked up to see the impossible sight of her engine shaking the car like a dog with a rat, its rear fender caught in his jaws. She scrambled for the safety of Thomas's cab as the fender ripped free of the car with a screech, turning to golden dust between his teeth.

"Don't you dare touch my driver."

Caomhnóir's voice shook with rage. Gold light shone from his lamps with burning intensity.

The car flinched back from the light, its metal melting in its heat, before roaring in defiance, shaking the stones of the street loose.

Caomhnóir let out a screaming whistle in return. But it wasn't his whistle. This whistle was much higher and shriller. The car's roar had shaken the street, the whistle shook the sky.

The car was sent flying back from the force, tumbling fender over hood.

Across the island and beyond engines awoke, shaken from their sleep by Caomhnóir's battlecry.

Samantha couldn't prevent the shudder that ripped through her when she realized Thomas had called upon the Lady's whistle, and she had answered.

The creature was struggling back to its wheels when the tank engine spoke.

"I would run if I were you." He said, menace dripping from every word. "If I catch you, there won't be enough left of you to die."

The car locked its gaze with the golden eyes of the tank engine before giving a sharp nod, preparing to pounce.

Samantha felt Thomas tense beneath her, ready to meet the foe head-on. Golden light spilled from his cab, melting the frost from her shoulders.

The creature leaped...only to be caught.

The creature shrieked in surprise, twisting to see what had caught it.

From the ground, shadows stretched in long sinuous tendrils, cutting through Caomhnóir's golden light to wrap crushingly around the sports car's frame.

Slowly, but surely, the tendrils dragged the car towards where they reached, a puddle of shadow darker than the darkest night. The car twisted, shrieked, and bit at the tendrils, but to no avail.

Finally, as its rear wheels began to dip into the shadow as if it was liquid, it looked towards its foe.

Thomas glared, "Be grateful." He said, "They will be more merciful than I would have been."

The car was dragged under with one last screech of defiance.

***

Far away on the Uman and Din Railway

The car broke through the ground, spitting out shadows as the tendrils withdrew. It rose to its wheels growling, only to freeze at the sight before it.

A Great Western 47xx towered above it, shadow tendrils drifting in the air around it like a mane of shadowfire. While they would have been enough to make such a beast pause, the car could see the truth.

For once something could see the truth of the beast towering before them, towering with the mountains behind it, a thousand thousand tendrils whipping around it, some thin and sharp enough to cut paint from metal without scratching it, others larger around than the engines alongside it. More teeth than those of every creature to ever live grinned at the car in predatory hunger. Eyes, countless eyes watched their prey from every angle.

"Well little beast," the being uttered, "did you truly think Caomhnóir so powerless?"

Its voice rang from a thousand angles, threatening to rip the car from the ground on which it stood from the meer force of its voice alone.

"Did you think there were none greater than yourself that would answer his call?"

The car trembled under the presence of the being before it.

The titan leaned forward, grinning eagerly, "Know this little beast. I was not the only one to answer his call, merely the swiftest. Be grateful I was the one to reach you instead of the Lady."

The car whimpered under the onslaught of her attention.

The former 47xx's grin sharped, and she lunged.

***

Samantha was slow to leave the safety of Thomas's cab. Even when she heard Nicole nearly rip her door from its hinges in opening it when the creature's grip disappeared, she could only sit and try to control her panicked breathing. Nicole scrambled up into the cab, wrapping her arms around Samantha even before she stopped moving.

"Don't you dare do that again."

Samantha clung to her firewoman, "I told you that your apartment was too far from the tracks," she tried to joke weakly, but Nicole just nodded, "First thing this weekend I'm finding a place by the line. I can't go through that again."

"Agreed," Thomas chimed in.

Samatha's eyes widened as she realized no one had checked on him, she scrambled down from the cab and began examining him.

Thomas huffed fondly, "I'm fine driver, physically. It'll be a while before I can sleep though."

"You're telling me," Nicole grumbled, but her hand was rubbing Thomas's side as she said it.

As other people began coming out of their houses, Samantha remembered the elephant in the room, or rather, the tank engine on the street.

Thomas stood in the middle of the street, when she looked down she saw the stone pavers had been pushed aside, revealing worn rails underneath.

"How are you here?" Nicole asked from beside her.

"The tramway used to run through here to reach the quarries," Thomas said, glancing down at the street. "The line was closed in favor of the new route in the fifties."

Nicole gave him an unimpressed look, "I know that. I also know those rails were pulled up, and multiple buildings stand where the line used to go. How did you get here."

"The land remembers the line," Thomas said defensively, "I asked the Lady for her aid in reaching you."

Samatha was the first to realize what her engine wasn't saying.

"You have no idea how to get back do you?"

The tank engine sagged embarrassedly, "No...I didn't think about it till after I had reached you."

Taking pity on her engine, she kissed his cheek, "Thank you. I have no idea how we’ll get you out, but thanks for saving me."

"I'd happily do it again." He said softly.

***

The next morning on the Uman and Din...

Freda and Gwyn were having a pleasant morning until they came within earshot of the sheds. A horrendous screeching and crunching could be heard. Freda sighed and increased her pace, wondering what her engine had gotten into this time.

She walked around the corner to find Screech happily chewing on a mangled Mercedes. Causing it to squeal horribly. The car was pinned with her tendrils, leaving the eldritch engine free to peel off pieces of metal at her leisure.

Freda glanced over to Abbey, the star class watching with vindictive enjoyment.

"Just what did the car do?"

"It tried to attack Caomhnóir's driver." The express engine said grimly.

Freda turned to glare at the car. Screech politely pausing so the car could focus on the glare.

"You've missed the trunk," Freda said flatly.

Riiiipppppp

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schnuckiputz · 1 year

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it takes a while, but one day, after the kids have graduated, eddie and steve pack their most precious things into eddie's van, and they leave. for months, they just drive from city to city, from state to state, go wherever it takes their fancy. until they find a little town surrounded by age-old trees and mountains, with unpredictable weather and more rain and fog than sunshine. but the pacific ocean isn't far, and if they leave early in the day, they can spend a few hours in san francisco's queer neighborhoods.

the town has a little old diner that's a bit run down but has good bones. so, steve and eddie combine their powers: steve knows how to take care of customers, has one of his nonnas old books with delicious cake recipes, and knows how to use it. eddie is a god in the kitchen and knows how to make money stretch. they are both charming, so pretty soon they have a few regulars and a steady stream of patrons.

included, are a group of high schoolers. and neither eddie nor steve know what happened to these kids, but they recognize the looks in their eyes. and they just can't help themselves, both like taking care of people a little bit too much, so they basically adopt this group of little ducklings, offer their time and ears in the hope of making the lives of these kids a little easier.

but the longer they stay, the more the town starts to feel a little...strange. there is something unsettling about the way the woods creak at night, how the shadows stretch at night. sometimes, after locking up the diner, steve lingers by the stairs that go up to their apartment and stares into the woods, and he knows something is looking back.

it comes to head a few months later. the ducklings stayed late at the diner, late enough that it's just them, when the thing that kept its eyes on steve steps out of the forest. for a second, everyone just stills before the kids spring into action. trying to barricade the diner doors.

steve and edddie share a resigned look, a touch, then separate. eddie goes for the high proof alcohol they keep in the kitchen, making molotov cocktails. steve gets the bat from under the counter. it's not the original, but mark ii is sturdier, a little bit deadlier. he tests his swing once, twice, then steps into the way of the first thing the crashes through a window and bats it right back out.

afterward, the diner is a burnt out shell, but everyone is alive. the kids are a little worse for wear, but steve knows this was probably not their first or second rodeo. steve and eddie keep the kids in sight but step around the van a little for some light thank-fuck-we-survived pda.

that's when a bunch of government cars arrive and out steps none other than owens. owens prioritizes the kids at first before movement catches his eyes. he stops, stares and then makes the kids loose their minds when he greets steve and eddie by name.

steve just pinches his nose and sighs. they should have known.

#look i do not believe that hawkins is the only place with department of energy fuckery #they took so many samples of the upside down #of course they would try to reserve engineer some eldritch monstrosities for cold war purposes #stranger things #stranger things hc #stranger things headcanons #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #steve x eddie #steve harrington x eddie munson

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stealingyourbones · 2 years

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The first time Booster sees The Kid was in the middle of evacuating civilians. Booster knows that face. He knows that kid. That’s the Ruler of the Infinite Realms.

Booster freaks the fuck out because “holy shit that was the ghost king.”

The Justice league are very confused that Booster is panicking over this random child but decide to leave him be because he’s Booster Gold.

Booster decides to not say anything to the League or anyone at all because of his fear of accidentally making this kid turn evil. He knew that this kid fought an evil version of himself that wiped out worlds so he really doesn’t wanna fuck this up. He knows this kid needs a support system or else he’ll burn out in a few years but doesn’t know what to do.

So Booster goes back to the watchtower and talks to Blue Beetle about it. And he’s panicking because “Kord what should I do?! This kid can just wipe out Superman and I can’t just not tell the rest of the league. This kid has a really tragic life and I can’t not just help him. I don’t want to accidentally do something wrong and mess everything up.”

Blue beetle goes “You don’t have to tell the League. You can talk with the kid. Keep him on the right path. Become the support system for the kid.”

Booster, not realizing that he could be the one to help just goes “oh shit. That’s a good idea actually.”

And so Booster tracks down Danny in his civies and chats with Danny and offers to always be there to help.

Danny is really apprehensive but everyone knows that Booster is from the future and if the man from the future thinks that this is a good idea, yeah he should probably just go along with it. He’s had good experiences with individuals who know a great deal about future events and time and hopefully that track record won’t end here.

Booster just helps Danny with really basic shit like homework and also helping give him blueprints (with the assistance of his AI robot pal Skeets :)) to make better ghost equipment that won’t harm him and is years beyond its time compared to the rest of their current ghost technology.

So yeah. Blue beetle visits the ghost kid Booster keeps talking about and realizes that this teenager is super skilled and gifted in the engineering field. Kord tests him with an issue that has stumped the current engineers at his company and this kid solves it in under thirty minutes. The second Danny figures out the issue, Ted offers Danny an internship at Kord Industries. Danny accepts and he now basically has two Dads that support and accept him with his powers.

Once there’s a big ghost attack that the JLA has to fight and Booster arrives and pulls out this futuristic and extravagant yet cobbled together lookin machine that just captures and contains the ghost. The rest of the League are just like “what the fuck” because they were getting destroyed by this thing and Booster just had the tech that was specifically needed to capture this thing. Kord explains that his kid made it and the league is confused because “what? Kord has a kid?” And then they introduce Danny to the league. Batman instantly demands to meet this kid so he can collaborate and make more tech so situations like this won’t happen again.

They agree and later in the week Danny goes to the watchtower and does a whole “holy fuck you’re Batman” and is enamored by the vigilante. Batman on the other hand is Alert and Concerned, thinkin “why is this kid very much so not human. Too long limbs. Teeth funky. What the fuck.” And just accepts that he’s prolly a meta.

Danny never tries to show his ghost form to anyone. He uses his powers very casually and everyone simply assume that he’s a meta. Danny is super sociable and makes everyone in the league adore him almost instantly. Hired by both Batman and Kord Industries, Danny makes machines and gadgets to help the Justice League and eventually gets promoted to the Leagues head engineer.

#dp x dc #danny phantom #this is simply brain vomit sorry if it reads a tad janky #prompt #writing prompt #who am i kidding this is basically the outline of a fic #Danny is just an engineer. doesn’t actually show that he’s a ghost #sure Batman knows something is up with this kid but doesn’t wanna push it #booster gold and blue beetle are super good bros I love them so much #Danny simply forgetting to put a part into an already semi assembled gadget for the league #so he just turns the gizmo intangible/invisible besides the part he needs to fix #yeah #eldritch horror Danny phantom is best Danny phantom no I will not take criticism #long post

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engineer-gunzelpunk · 2 months

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Monster Engine gifs

Gifs of my bros @ghostbellies and @ohjeeztrains of the old Furness Seagull himself, Edward.. or Edik, Eduardo, Edvard, Eduard...

#ttte #rws #ttte edward #monster locos #monster locomotives #monster engines #eldritch engines

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leona-florianova · 1 year

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The concept of what Knives and Vash are is so funny to me...

Imagine if a nuclear powerplant somehow decided that it really wants to communicate with humans, so one day it just inexplicably creates some babies... And then these babies grow up to be a homicidal maniac whos also a doomsday cult leader..... and the other grows up to be an insanely kind pacifist gunslinger who acts like a fool.

just Imagine if chernobyl did that instead of exploding.

#trigun #knives millions #vash the stampede #nuclear power plants are just very extra steam engins but like #wouldnt it be fucked up if they were sentient anyway #i love the trigun plants so much #its so fragged up concept #kinda eldritch multidimensional angelic creatures within gigantic bulbs

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zoobiefish · 10 months

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Okay but hear me out: Texas Toast, but instead of the usual "underneath the mask, Pyro is super hot/has severe burn scars/is actually a (gasp!) woman/nonbinary person" (not that there is anything wrong with those headcanons, they're wonderful and absolutely no hate here!!), Pyro is actually some kind of alien or eldritch horror or something under the gas mask. Cmon!! Where are the monster lovers in the TF2 Fandom??

#texas toast #tf2 #tf2 engineer #tf2 pyro #pyro x engineer #engie x pyro #terato #pls keep any reblogs sfw im ace thnx #eldritch horror #aliens #monsters #monster lover #tw burns

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sodorsteam · 6 months

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called out by request

"Please sir i do not know how to 'cut loose' i am so afraid..."

#rook 141 #rook the funeral engine #loaded gun #LOADED FUN #eldritch train baby

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wouldntyou-liketoknow · 2 years

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Incorrect Quotes: ISWM (Parts 1 and 2) Edition

Engineer Mark: *speaking into a walkie-talkie* Engine to Cap, Engine to Cap! Testing! Testing!

Engineer Mark: Testing, testing, testing, testing, testing, testing, testing!

Engineer Mark: TESTING! AAAAUUUUGGH! TEST, TEST! DO YOU READ?!

Captain: *smiling* Cap to Engine, I read you loud and clear

___

Celci: So, what, now we’re just supposed to do anything that the Captain does? I mean, what if they jumped off a cliff? Engineer Mark: If the Captain were to jump off a cliff, they would’ve done their due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see the Captain jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff. Celci: You jump off a cliff! Engineer Mark: Gladly. Provided the Captain does first.

___

Wug: So, Friend Gunther challenged Wug to a sparring match. Wug agreed, because Wug was curious about human combat. Things went pretty good at first, but then Friend Mark walked in looking for something, and. . .Wug accidentally punched him in the face.

Wug: And while Wug was trying to help Friend Mark up, Wug couldn’t decide whether to say, “WUG’S SO FUCKING SORRY, HUMAN!” Or “HUMAN, ARE YOU OKAY?”

Wug: So. . .Wug just panicked and yelled, “ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY, HUMAN?!”

___

Engineer Mark: It’s a white flag, Mack. And you might as well start waving it—

Mack: THE ONLY THING I WILL BE WAVING IS YOUR DECAPITATED HEAD ON A STICK IN FRONT OF YOUR WEEPING MOTHER!

___

Gunther: Whoa, careful there, buddy. You’re making this whole fight-to-the-death thing a little homoerotic. . .

Gunther: Then again, that might just be me. This happens so often it’s hard to tell

___

Engineer Mark: Hey, wanna bang?

Engineer Mark: HANG! I meant hang! Damn autocorrect. . .

Captain: . . .Mark, this is a verbal conversation

___

Captain: We all learn from our mistakes

Celci: Then Mark should be a genius by now. . .

___

Engineer Mark, Celci, Gunther, and Mack: *arguing very loudly and very aggressively. No one can tell what they’re even fighting over, least of all any of them*

Burt: *stares at them, expression completely blank. His eyes twitch, one after the other*

Burt: *takes a deep breath, then slams his arm on the table everyone is sitting at* WE ARE IN A GODDAMN IHOP! ACT LIKE IT!!!

___

Celci: Mack isn’t exactly a team player

Captain: What do you mean?

Celci: Just earlier, he told me that I was the only other person on this ship with any functioning braincells. Then he asked me to “come lead a magnificent revolution” with him because “we could take over command of the Invincible II, and eventually the universe at large.”

Captain: . . .Oh. Well, what did you say to that?

Celci: I accepted, of course. Which reminds me that I should be going—

___

Allu: You often use humor to deflect trauma

Engineer Mark: Thank you

Allu: That’s. . .not a good thing—

Engineer Mark: All I’m hearing is that you think I’m funny

___

Engineer Mark: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is gonna be fine!

Captain: How can you still say that?!

Engineer Mark: Because sometimes, when things get tough, D E N I A L is all we have.

___

Wug: Wug doesn’t think Wug can be on the same ship as the human who ruined Wug’s life

Captain: *on their knees, sobbing* FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I’M SORRY, I DON’T KNOW WHY I DIDN’T WANT THE DONUTS, PLEASE FORGIVE ME—

___

Mack: Finally! With control over the Invincible II, the ultimate power is mine!

Mack: PERFECT TAX EVASION

___

Captain: Gunther, we’ve been over this. Violence isn’t the answer.

Gunther: Y’know what, Cap? You’re right. . .

Captain: *sighs in relief* Thank you.

Gunther: Violence is the QUESTION.

Captain: Wait, what?

Gunther: *now running away* AND THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS YES!

Captain: GUNTHER NO—!

___

Mack: It would be nice to change the world, y’know?

Captain: For the better?

Mack: . . .

Captain: Mack, please answer me

___

Wug: YOU HEAR WUG, YOU BASTARD?! WUG’LL CUT OFF YOUR NUTSACK AND NAIL IT TO WUG’S DOOR! LIKE ONE OF THOSE. . .LION DOOR-KNOCKERS RICH FOLKS GOT! THAT WILL BE YOUR BALLS!

___

Gunther: *drunk as hell* H-HEY GUYS, LET’S PLAY SPIN THE BOTTLE!

Celci: DID YOU DRINK THAT ENTIRE BOTTLE OF WHISKEY?!

Gunther: OKAY, I’LL GO FIRST—

___

Engineer Mark: *high off his tits on spacedust* Drink water, get plenty of sleep, go mad in space, talk to the dead, take your meds, don’t talk to cops.

___

Captain: So, did everyone learn their lesson?

Engineer Mark: No.

Wug: Wug did not

Burt: I may have actually forgotten one.

Gunther: Also no.

Captain: Oh, good, neither did I.

Allu: *exhausted sigh*

___

Captain: Well, you know what they say—when life gives you lemons. . .

Engineer Mark: Put them in a facemask

Celci: Use them as a battery

Gunther: Throw them at people

Mack: Squirt the juice into life’s eyes. Steal life’s wallet and assume its identity. Now you ARE life. You hold dominion over all. Your enemies cower at your feet.

Captain: . . .make lemonade. The answer was to make lemonade, guys.

___

Bandit: Wug was banned from the intergalactic chicken shack, so we had to go into the wormhole to get some.

Wug: Well, they shouldn’t say “all you can eat” if they don’t mean it!

Bandit: Wug, you ate a chair. . .

___

Engineer Mark: I hate when people say “Are you even listening to me?”

Engineer Mark: That’s such a weird way to start a conversation.

___

[At Chef Rexx’s restaurant]

Burt: *walks up to the counter* Do you serve coffee here?

Cashier Rexx: *nods* Sure do.

Burt: Okay. Can I get a venti vanilla latte with. . .uhhhh. . .

Burt: . . .seven shots of espresso?

Cashier Rexx: *blinks* Jesus Christ, just do cocaine—!

___

Mack: You know what else is not stealing? Putting an extra bike lock on a stranger’s bike.

Mack: It’s insane that bike locks are legal. You have any idea the amount of power that you wield. . .with your imagination and a bike lock? There are so many things—like, you could just walk past a Baskin Robins and be like “You’re closed!”

___

Engineer Mark: Hey, did you know that “thot” means “thoughtful person?”

Allu: Really? I didn’t know this Earth slang

[Later, on the Invincible II]

Allu: Thanks so much for giving me a tour of your ship, Captain. You’re such a thot.

Captain: *wheezing* I’m a WHAT—

___

Engineer Mark: Do you ever get a feeling where you look at someone and your heart skips a beat?

Burt: That’s called arrhythmia.

Engineer Mark: *not really paying attention* I get that feeling every time I look at the Captain—

Burt: *starts dragging Engineer Mark to MedBay* It’s a serious condition that you can die from

___

Captain: Life gets so much better when you accept yourself for the weird little bitch that you are.

___

Mack: The Captain made me care about stupid things.

Engineer Mark: Like what?

Mack: Friends. Humanity. My mental health.

Captain: Don’t forget the morals!

Mack: *lets out a long-suffering sigh* And morals.

___

Bandit: The path to peace begins with four simple words.

Bandit: Not. My. Fucking. Problem.

___

Engineer Mark: Allu didn’t know that “cowboy” is a word, so, they called them “horse-pirates” and I’ve been laughing about it for an hour.

___

Captain: *guiding the Invincible II crew on an expedition around the new planet*

Tyler: Psst. Hey, Gunther. I missed something. Can I see your notes?

Gunther: Sure thing. Here ya go.

Tyler: Thanks.

Tyler: *looks at the notebook*

Tyler: . . .This is the Hamburglar being torn apart by bears. . .

Gunther: I’m thinking of doing a graphic novel so I can shop it around to Hollywood studios.

Tyler: The Hamburglar being torn apart by bears, Gunther.

Gunther: Yeah, I’m not really sure what you were expecting from my notes.

___

Engineer Mark: I almost drowned in the sink.

Celci: I’m sorry, what?

Mack: Imagine that headline. “Head Engineer of Invincible II Drowns in Sink.”

Burt: How do you even drown in a sink?

Engineer Mark: Well, I filled the sink and put my face in it. And then my head got stuck under the faucet.

Captain: Mark, what the actual fuck—

___

Gunther: Why the fuck do I NEED to come out?! If you really think I’M straight, then that’s on you!

___

Engineer Mark: FOUR MONTHS!

Captain: What’s with him?

Mack: *suppressing his giggles* It’s nothing, really—

Engineer Mark: THAT’S HOW LONG YOU STOOD BY AND WATCHED ME WATER A FAKE PLANT!

___

Engineer Mark: *pointing* Is this seat taken?

Captain: . . .That’s my lap.

Engineer Mark: With all due respect, that doesn’t answer my question, Captain.

___

Mack: *dripping with sarcasm* Oh, I’m sorry! Why don’t we just relax and turn on the radio? Would you like AHM or FHMMMMMMMM?!

___

Bandit: *slightly raising her voice to be heard down the aisle* What chip brand do you want?

Wug: *yelling back at full volume* WUG’S ALWAYS A SLUT FOR COOL RANCH DORITOS

___

Engineer Mark: Can we agree to not tell anyone about this?

Bandit: This isn’t even the most disappointing thing I know about you so far

___

Captain: I just want someone to take me out.

Burt: . . .Like, on a date or with a sniper?

Captain: *thinking of Mark and Mack* I’m open to surprises.

___

Allu: It’s kind of hot out to be wearing all black.

Captain: *obviously uncomfortable* I look awesome

Allu: *genuinely concerned* You look pallid and sick.

Captain: *sweating profusely* Yeah, sick as fuck—

___

Mack: Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you’ll be a mile away from them and will also have their shoes. And they probably won’t be able to do anything about it.

___

Allu: Hey, Captain? Can you please give me some. . .dating advice?

Captain: Look, just because I’m in a relationship with several members of my crew doesn’t mean I know how I did it.

___

Bandit: Alright, Wug, Today was a good day, but now it’s time for some shuteye.

Wug: *holding up an adorable, fluffy plushie* Mr. Snuffles says Wug can stay up as long as Wug wants, and that Friend Bandit needs to die!

Bandit: *staring at the plushie* . . .What the heck, Mr. Snuffles?

___

Ms. Whitacare: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?

Engineer Mark: Have everyone stand.

Burt: Bring in three more chairs.

Mack: Choose the best seven and let them sit down.

Gunther: Kill three.

___

Engineer Mark: Y’know, sometimes I don’t think you take me seriously.

Bandit: Really? There are times you think I do?

___

Celci: Hey, toss me my keys.

Engineer Mark: *chucks a printer at Celci*

Celci: I said keys!

Engineer Mark: I thought you said printer.

Celci: Why the FUCK would I say PRINTER?

___

Captain: I come from a long line of people who had something wrong with them.

___

Gunther: It’s got everything I like! Gratuitous violence. . .

Gunther: . . .

Captain: Oh, I thought you were listing things.

Gunther: I was. I’m done now.

___

Allu: Where’s your Head Engineer?

Captain: Oh, Mark? He’s just doing stuff.

Allu: I don’t like the sound of that. Where’s your Cryogenics Officer?

Captain: Trying to stop Mark from doing the stuff.

Allu: And your ADS Officer?

Captain: Trying to stop Celci from stopping Mark from doing the stuff.

Allu: I see. And what are you doing here, Captain?

Captain: I’m supposed to stop you from stopping Gunther from stopping Celci from stopping Mark form doing the stuff.

___

Engineer Mark: Dude, I just read an article that said swearing can make you live longer.

Gunther: I! SHALL BE! IMORTAAAAAAAAALLLL!!!!

___

Mack: Hello? Engineer Mark: Hey, what’s up? Mack: I need your help. Can you come here? Engineer Mark: Eh, I can’t, I’m buying clothes. Mack: Alright, well, hurry up and get over here Engineer Mark: I can’t find ‘em. Mack: . . .Whaddaya mean you can’t find ‘em? Engineer Mark: I can’t find ‘em, there’s only soup. Mack: Whadaya mean there’s only soup? Engineer: It means there’s only soup! Mack: Well then, get OUT of the SOUP AISEL! Engineer Mark: ALRIGHT, you don’t have to SHOUT AT ME! […] Engineer Mark: There’s more soup! Mack: Whaddaya mean there’s more soup?! Engineer Mark: There’s just more soup! Mack: Go into the next aisle! […] Engineer Mark: There’s still soup! Mack: Where are you right now?! Engineer Mark: I’m at soup! Mack: WHADDAYA MEAN YOU’RE “AT SOUP?” Engineer Mark: I MEAN I’M AT SOUP! Mack: WHAT STORE ARE YOU IN?! Engineer Mark: I’M AT THE SOUP STORE!! Mack: WHY’RE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE?!?!?!? Engineer Mark: FUCK YOU!!!!

___

Allu: No, I’m not tired of being nice. Yes, I still wanna go apeshit. These things can coexist, stop asking me.

Allu: I wanna go apeshit, but like, in a kind and respectful way.

___

Burt: Now, guys, stop arguing or we’ll turn this ship around!

Captain: *grabbing the controls* SHUT UP OR I’LL STEER THIS SHIP INTO A FUCKING ASTEROID FIELD

Engineer Mark and Mack: *screaming*

___

Captain: Hey, what time is it?

Engineer Mark: *shrugs* I don’t know. Hand me my trumpet.

Captain: *raises an eyebrow, then takes Mark’s childhood trumpet out of his closet and gives it to him*

Engineer Mark: Thank you. *starts playing the trumpet very loudly and very poorly*

Celci: *yelling from across the ship* WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING A TRUMPET AT FOUR IN THE MORNING?!?!?

Engineer Mark: It’s four in the morning.

___

Gunther: So far this year, I have realized that I am—1. Out of control, and 2. Even bi-er than I thought I was.

___

Engineer Mark: Am I in trouble?

Celci: Take a guess.

Engineer Mark: . . .No?

Celci: Take another guess

___

Captain: *completely deadpan* Stop forgiving my crimes. I worked hard on those.

___

Engineer Mark: He’s touching me!

Mack: *pointing at Mark, holding his finger exactly one inch from Mark’s shoulder* I am not.

Engineer Mark: AH! You’re touching me!

Mack: *in a sing-song voice* Not touching~

Engineer Mark: TOUCHING. ME.

Mack: *rolls his eyes* It’s free air.

Engineer Mark: *grabs Mack’s hand and bites him*

Mack: *shrieking bloody murder* HE BIT ME! CAPTAIN, MARK’S BITING ME!

Captain: *not looking up from their work* Knock it off, you two. I’m busy.

Engineer Mark: HE STARTED IT

Captain: I don’t care who started it, I’LL FINISH IT.

___

Celci: Are you familiar with the gearshift?

Engineer Mark: You mean the prindle?

Celci: . . .The what?

Engineer Mark: The prindle!

Celci: For God’s sake—are you referring to the lever that say P-R-N-D-L?

Engineer Mark: I’m not a kid, Celci! I know how to spell prindle!

___

Celci: Some people just need a high-five.

Celci: . . .in the face. . .

Celci: . . .with a chair. . .

___

Engineer Mark: *carrying several supplies, obviously struggling*

Captain: *holds out their hands to help*

Engineer Mark: *aggressively moves all the supplies to one hand in order to hold hands with The Captain*

___

Engineer Mark: Why can’t you just see things from my perspective?!

Celci: *kneels down*

Mack: *sits on the floor*

Burt: *curls up into a ball*

Engineer Mark: Okay, listen here, you little shits—

___

Celci: Get out of my quarters, Mark.

Engineer Mark: *standing exactly one inch from the doorway* But I’m not even in your quarters.

Celci: I don’t care, get out of my quarters!

Engineer Mark: But I’m not IN your quarters!

Celci: Well you’re bothering me so GET OUT!

Engineer Mark: I’m just minding my own business!

Celci: Yeah, in MY quarters! Captain, Mark is in my quarters!

Captain: Mark, please head to your own quarters.

Engineer Mark: I’M NOT EVEN IN HER FUCKING QUARTERS!

___

Gunther: Quick, I need $10,000 because I have ADHD and am bisexual

___

Burt: *takes a long, deep breath*

Burt: *whispers* “yup” as quietly as humanly possible*

___

Wug: Wug thinks Friend Mx. Allu might be mad at you and Friend Captain.

Engineer Mark: What makes you say that?

Wug: *typing on his communicator* Friend Mx. Allu seemed really busy when Wug went to report to them, and they asked Wug to relay a message to Friend Mark.

Engineer Mark: *leans forward to listen to the hologram recording*

Allu: *on the hologram* Greetings, Human. I hope this message finds you before I do. . .

___

Mack: My two reasons for doing things—1. Spite, and 2. The aesthetic. That’s it.

Mack: . . .Okay, I lied—3. Attention

___

Engineer Mark: They say lions throw their cubs off ravines and only raise the ones strong enough to climb back up. Well, firstly, that’s not true and completely irrelevant to the story, but it makes for a cool opening!

___

Bandit: I lost Wug for an entire weekend at the mall once.

Bandit: He was living in a boba shop. He was so happy there. . .

___

[The Captain is introducing the crew to Allu Minum]

Captain: This is Burt, short for Burton.

Captain: This is Celci, short for Celcionna.

Captain: This is Mack, short for Mackenzie.

Captain: And this is Mark. He’s just short.

Engineer Mark: *internally screaming*

Everyone Else: *struggling to contain their laughter*

___

Gunther: I did a little bit of spying on the Captain. Do you want me to spill the beans?

Burt: Why would you ever intentionally spill beans? They’re one of nature’s most densely packed protein sources, and they remain unsullied by flavor.

___

Captain: Sometimes I just wanna yeet myself out of the ship and taste some of that delicious, scrumptious space air

Engineer Mark: As I can recall, there is no space air?

Captain: Exactly

___

Engineer Mark: WHY AREN’T THERE ADULT-SIZED PLAYGROUNDS?!

Engineer Mark: Like, everything is the same as a kid’s playground, but bigger! Why don’t we have those?!

Burt: We do. They’re called theme parks.

Engineer Mark: But you have to PAY for theme parks!

Burt: That’s the adult part.

___

Engineer Mark: Do you think we went overboard with the party decorations?

Gunther: Nah, it’s cool

Celci: THE SHIP IS ON FIRE

Burt: Aesthetic

___

Engineer Mark: Hey, Mack? Where’s the Captain?

Mack: The Captain’s fine. . . *starts laughing maniacally*

Mack: Sorry, I just thought of something funny. *points at The Captain* They’re right here.

___

[Engineer Mark and Gunther are practice-sparring]

Gunter: *pulls yet another gun seemingly out of nowhere* Check this out, Markimoo!

Engineer Mark: GUNTHER!? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!? YOU THINK YOU CAN HURT ME WITH THAT? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, GUNTHER? SHOOT ME?

[30 minutes later]

Celci, to Engineer Mark as his gunshot wounds are getting treated in MedBay: I’m really not sure what you were expecting to happen there.

___

Burt: Captain, what are you doing?

Captain: I’m confronting the person who ruined my life.

Burt: . . .

Burt: You’re yelling at a mirror, Captain. . .

___

Engineer Mark: Yes, I know you reassured me literally one hour ago, but I need reassurance once again.

___

[A typical conversation about The Captain]

Mack: —HOT! HOW ARE THEY SO FUCKING HOT?! AND RESPECTFUUUUUULLL?!?!?

Engineer Mark: *quietly snickering* Oh my God. . .

Mack: THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THEM.

___

Gunther: Captain, facts are like stars

Burt: Always in the sky, but you can’t always see them

Gunther: No, they’re like shining holes in the dark light of my ignorance. AND I DON’T LIKE ‘EM!

___

Captain: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.

Gunther: My life is a little too much fallout and not enough boy.

Celci: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance.

Burt: My life is a little too much imagination and not enough dragons

___

Wug: What’s the meaning of human life?

Captain: Mark.

Wug: Aww! Because Friend Mark is always by Friend Captain’s side?

Captain: No. Because life is short.

Wug: *bursts out laughing*

Engineer Mark, from the other room: I HEARD THAT

___

Engineer Mark: People who sleep with their phone on silent or DND really don’t give a fuck about anybody.

Celci and/or The Bandit: Look, if you decide to have a problem after midnight, that’s between you and God.

Captain: . . .

Burt: How do you set your phone to Dungeons and Dragons?

___

Engineer Mark: Allu won’t trace it back to us, don’t worry

Captain: Are you for real? They trace everything back to us! They’ve traced things we haven’t even done back to us!

___

Engineer Mark: This ship is an “uwu” free zone

Celci: For once, I agree with you, Mark. And anyone who goes “uwu” or “OwO” in response shall be imprisoned for their crimes against humanity

Mack: cwimes agwainst huwmanwity ^w^

Engineer Mark: *starting to tremble, tears now running down his face* I-I am going t-to break your fucking fingers. . !

Burt: bwoken bwones awe tempowawy. Bwut twauma-indwuced nightmwares can wast as wong as a wifetime uwu

Celci: *grits her teeth, trying to keep a pokerface* I won’t hesitate to kill you, bitches!

Captain: *begins crawling around on the ceiling* this mowtwal vessel is ownwy a shwell contwaining howwors the univwerse has newer sween OwO

Engineer Mark and Celci: *holding each other and screaming in absolute terror*

___

Gunther: *pulls a cigar out of his jacket*

Celci: *gives Gunther a disapproving look*

Gunther: *shrugs as he lights the cigar* I just like the feeling of something in my lungs.

Celci: . . .

Gunther: . . .

Celci: Have you tried breathing—

___

Captain: *being interviewed after going through a certain timeline* Am I intimidated by Mack? No. He can be a bit crazy at times, but—

Engineer Mark: *pokes his head through the door of The Captain’s quarters* Mack requested a meeting with you

Captain: *scrambling under their desk* oH SHIT—

___

Mack: Captain, you ignorant slut—

___

Celci: Whatever you’re thinking right now, stop.

Engineer Mark: What?

Celci: You always make that face when you’re about to say something stupid to piss me off. So do yourself a favor and cut it out alrea—

Engineer Mark: I wanted to apologize for all the animosity between us. I shouldn’t just resort to insulting you when you bring up ideas that are different than mine. I haven’t been respecting you like a good crew member should, so I can’t expect you to respect me, either.

Celci: . . .

Engineer Mark: . . .

Celci: Mark, I—

Engineer Mark: Also, cereal qualifies as a soup

Celci: I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!

___

Celci: The Captain’s cryopod has been malfunctioning; they won’t be able to enter or stay in hibernation because of it. We can’t take off until it’s repaired.

Burt: So, what you’re proposing is that whomever helps the Captain stay asleep wins some kind of prize?

Celci: That’s not at all what I—

Mack: *bursts into the room, holding a cast iron frying pan* Where are they?

___

Captain: *on their communicator* Bandit! We need your help! I—

Bandit: *having been just woken up* Nuh-uh, Cap. Is your ship on fire?

Captain: . . .Well, no—

Bandit: Then it’s not a real emergency. *hangs up and goes back to sleep*

Celci: What did she say? She’s an expert on wormholes, isn’t she? Did she know what to do about a portal to some new dimension opening up in the commons room?

Captain: Apparently, this isn’t a real emergency.

Engineer Mark: *being strangled by some horrific alien creature* HOW THE FUCK IS THIS NOT A REAL EMERGENCY?!

___

Burt: Captain, you know Mark will never agree to this plan.

Captain: Sure he will

Celci: I’ve already asked him three times. His response was to blow raspberries and flip me off.

Captain: Well then, let me try

Captain: *walks into the next room, approaching Mark* Hey, Mark! Could you—

Engineer Mark: Y e s .

___

Burt: Change is inedible. Celci: Don't you mean inevitable? Burt: *spitting out coins* No, I did not.

___

Captain: I’m gonna need a human skull and I can't have you ask any questions why.

Bandit: Only if you also don't ask why Bandit: *pulls seven pristine human skulls out of her coat* Take your pick. Captain: . . . Bandit: . . . Captain: This one is fine

___

Captain: Gunther, I said you could bring one other crew member to this meeting. ONE.

Gunther: They’re good pals. They work well together.

Mack: *trying to strangle Engineer Mark in the background* WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY ABOUT PEEPACHU?!?! SAY IT AGAIN RIGHT NOW!!!! I DARE YOU!!!!!!!!

Captain: . . .

Gunther: . . .I mean, they’re entertaining, aren’t they?

___

Captain: Mark and I have the kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other’s— Engineer Mark: Sentences? Captain: Don't interrupt me.

___

Mack: Hey, Captain! Trick or Yeet?

Captain: *confused and not really paying attention* “Yeet?”

Mack: Yeet it is!

Mack: *tosses The Captain into the dungeon*

___

Gunther: I'm 10 times funnier and sexier than you Captain: 10 times 0 is still 0 though Gunther: Jokes on you, I can't do math

___

Captain: Mark, you need to apologize to Celci

Engineer Mark: *rolling his eyes* Fffffffiiiine!

Engineer Mark: *with strained politeness towards Celci* “Unfuck you,” or whatever

___

Wug: If Theoretical Human had to choose between Hideous Human and all the money Wug has in Wug’s wallet, which would Theoretical Human take? Mack: That depends, how much money are we talking about? Engineer Mark: Mack. . ! Wug: 63 cents. Mack: I'll take the money. Engineer Mark: MACK!!!

___

Captain: *to the Invincible II crew* Alright, listen up, you little shits!

Captain: *to Wug and The Bandit* Not you two. You’re angels and we’re glad to have you here

___

Engineer Mark: What did Vincent say when he lost his car in the parking lot?

Engineer Mark: “Where did my Van Gogh?”

Celci: *rolling her eyes* The correct pronunciation of “Gogh” is “goff,” you uncultured swine.

Engineer Mark: *gives Celci double birds* Well then, fuck Gogh.

Mack: *just passing through* Actually, both of you are wrong. Vincent Van Gogh was Dutch. His name is actually pronounced “Van KHOCK,” so, suck my Gogh.

___

Gunther: If I don’t pay up I’ll go to jail for tax evasion! I’m insane enough to take on drones and aliens. . .but the IRS? NOOOOOOOOOOO THANK YOUUUUUUU!!!

___

Gunther: Just trust me, alright? Have I ever put us in an unsafe or uncomfortable situation?

Mack: Yes? Literally all the time?!

Gunther: Then you should be used to it now, bitchboy

___

Engineer Mark: I’m well aware of the fact that I’ve accidentally set myself on fire.

Engineer Mark: Is that any of your business? No, it is not.

Engineer Mark: And no, I don’t need your pity water. Let me burn in peace.

___

Mack: *gently taps table*

Engineer Mark: *taps table in response*

Captain: What are they doing?

Burt: Using morse code

Mack: *now aggressively tapping the table*

Engineer Mark: *slams his hands down on the table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

___

Ms. Whitacare: Now, what are the three stages of life?

Celci: Birth

Captain: What the fuck is this

Engineer Mark: Death

___

Allu: Looks like you and your crew are all set. *Shakes hands with The Captain* Have fun on the rest of your journey. Please don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

Engineer Mark: *raising an eyebrow* I thought you said to have FUN.

___

Captain, to a heavily injured Engineer Mark: We’re almost at MedBay, Mark. Quick, what’s your type?

Engineer Mark, a bit loopy: Vague features, a thoughtful attitude, a firm grip. . .

Captain: . . .

Captain: NO, I MEANT YOUR BLOOD TYPE!

Engineer Mark: . . .Oh.

Engineer Mark: Red

___

Captain: Name a more iconic duo than me and procrastination! Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Burt: Of course you will

Mack: I should kill you

___

Captain: I’m having a baby.

Invincible II Crew: *celebrating* Wug: Really? Wow! Wug’s never seen infant humans befo— Captain: *slamming adoption papers on the table in front of Wug* It's you, sign here.

___

Mack: Let’s play a game. We all know the Captain and Mark will end up killing each other, inadvertently or not, but what about everyone else? Celci: Gunther will do some murdering, but in the end, he’ll ultimately be murdered. Gunther: *nodding* I can see that Burt: What about me? Celci: You crave toast while taking a bath

Burt: *under his breath* I do love bath snacks

___

Celci: Dammit, Mark! Engineer Mark: What?! It wasn’t me! Celci: Wait, seriously? Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Gunther! Gunther: Not me either. Celci: Oh. . .Then who set the ship on fire? Mack, who will swear on the wormhole that he saw a spider in his cryopod: *whistles nervously*

___

Captain: There is no future. There is no past. Don’t you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that we humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet. Engineer Mark: . . . Celci: . . . Gunther: . . .

Burt: . . .

Chica: . . .

Mack: . . . The Rest of the Invincible II Crew At The Captain’s Surprise Birthday Party: . . . Tyler, piping up: . . .All Mark asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first. . .

___

Engineer Mark: We are now one day closer to eating our next plate of nachos. Gunther: That’s. . .the most hopeful thing I've heard all week. Captain: But what if we die tomorrow and never eat any nachos? Burt: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

Celci: *shoving Burt towards the airlock* GET OUT!!!!

___

Engineer Mark: Where do I hide?

Gunther: You don’t hide. You’re the bait. Go act. . .baity, or something

Engineer Mark: What’s the plan?

Celci: The enemies attack you.

Engineer Mark: And then what?

Mack The enemies kill you. We watch. We rejoice.

___

Gunther: I just ended a five-year relationship. . .

Engineer Mark: Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, buddy! Are you okay? Gunther: Yeah? It wasn’t MY relationship

___

Engineer Mark: *looks into a nearby mirror and sighs sadly* Everyone hates the way I look. I have the sex appeal of a math textbook.

Mack: Well, that’s just completely inaccurate!

Engineer Mark: *pauses, then slowly looks at Mack* Really. . ?

Mack: *nods* I’ve never known anyone who’s opened a math textbook without saying “fuck me”

___

Celci: I want to roll my eyes right now, but the doctor said if I keep doing that, my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs.

___

Engineer Mark: I really hit rock bottom last night. And I mean that literally—I fell into a pit and hit a rock.

Engineer Mark: I remember lying there thinking, “There’s probably a good reason why I’m down here.”

Engineer Mark: And then I started thinking, “I need morphine”

___

Gunther: Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys. Celci: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice cat nap. Wug: Self care is the burning heat of rage washing over you!! Self care is when you feel bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is fear in your enemies’ eyes!!! Engineer Mark: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting. Mack: If you so much as touch my birthday cake before me, I’ll make you eat your hands.

___

Celci: *setting down a card* Ace of spades Engineer Mark: *pulling out an Uno card* +4 Mack: *pulling out a Pokémon card* Jolteon, I choose you Allu: *trembling* What kind of human game is this?

___

Mack: Dumbest scar stories, go! Celci: I burned my tongue once drinking tea. Engineer Mark: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it. Gunther: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade. Burt: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and got a really bad burn. Captain: . . . Captain: I have emotional scars.

___

Celci: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous. Engineer Mark: What if it bites me and it dies? Mack: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Mark, learn to listen. Captain: What if it bites itself and I die? Burt: That’s voodoo. Wug: What if it bites Wug and someone else dies? Allu: That’s correlation, not causation. Bandit: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die? Gunther: That’s kinky. Celci: Oh my God.

___

[The Invincible II crew is standing around a broken coffee maker]

Captain: *folds their arms across their chest, addressing the crew* So. Who broke it? I’m not mad, I just wanna know.

Everyone: *remains silent* . . .

Wug: *piping up, surprisingly meek* . . .Wug did. Wug broke it.

Captain: *shakes their head knowingly* No. No, you didn’t. Mark?

Engineer Mark: *holds up his hands in defense* Don’t look at me, Captain. Look at Celci.

Celci: What?! I didn’t break it!

Engineer Mark: Huh, that’s weird. How’d you even know it was broken?

Celci: *raises an eyebrow* Because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s broken.

Engineer Mark: *puts his hands on his hips and squints at Celci* Suspicious.

Celci: *reasonably exasperated* No, it’s not!

Burt: If it matters, probably not, but Gunther was the last one to use it.

Gunther: Liar! I don’t even drink that crap!

Burt: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Gunther: *flexes his hand, showing off his nicely-manicured fingernails* I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Burt!

Wug: *coming between Gunther and Burt, lightly pushing them away from one another* No fighting, humans! Wug broke it. Wug will fix it, Friend Captain.

Captain: No! Who broke it?!

Everyone: *remains silent* . . .

Gunther: *notices that Mack has just entered the room* Cap. . .Mack’s been awfully quiet.

Mack: *does a neck-snapping doubletake* rEALLY?!

[Everyone starts arguing. The fight gets louder and more out of control by the second]

Captain: *now being interviewed. The argument is still going on in the background* I broke it. It burned my hand, so I punched it on reflex.

Captain: *glances over their shoulder at the crew* I predict ten minutes from now, they’ll be at each other’s throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig’s head on a stick.

Captain: . . .

Captain: *smiles mischievously with one eye twitching* Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

___

Captain: Time for Plan G. Wug: Don’t you mean Plan B? Captain: No, we tried Plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over Plan C due to technical difficulties. Burt: What about Plan D? Captain: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago. Gunther: What about Plan E? Captain: I’m hoping not to use it. Mark dies in Plan E. Celci and The Bandit: *in almost perfect unison* I like Plan E.

___

Mack: Back in college, we literally named our volleyball team “NO GAMES SCHEDULED,” because if the other team didn’t show up, they lost their league deposit and forfeited. It worked several times. Everyone hated us and nothing as cool as that has happened to me since.

Captain: . . .You’ve got real issues, man.

___

Gunther: Truth or dare? Captain: Dare Gunther: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room Captain: Hey, Mark? Engineer Mark: *blushing* Yeah? Captain: Could you move? I’m trying to get to the Bandit

___

Captain: You can throw around all the French you want! It doesn’t make you right!

Mack: Au contraire

___

Captain: Hewwo. Engineer Mark: Hihiiiiii! Allu: Greetings, Humans. Celci: Three kinds of people. Wug: Wug want donuts. Bandit: Four kinds of people. Gunther: WHAT’S UP FUCKERS? Celci: Five kinds of people.

___

Bandit: Rules are made to be broken. Allu: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken. Captain: Uh, piñatas. Engineer Mark: Glow sticks. Gunther: Karate boards. Burt: Spaghetti when you have a small pot. Bandit: Rules. Allu: . . .

___

Engineer Mark: *seeing how Mack manipulated and betrayed The Captain* Look at this! You played them like a fiddle!

Mack: *considers this, then shakes his head* Oh no, Mark. Fiddles are actually pretty difficult to play

Mack: I played the Captain like the cheap kazoo they were

___

Gunther: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat? Celci: >:O language Wug: Yeah, human! Watch your fucking language Captain: OKAY WHO TAUGHT WUG THE FUCK WORD? Engineer Mark: 'The fuck word'. Burt: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time Bandit: Oh my god they censored it Gunther: Say fuck, Burt. Engineer Mark: Do it, Burt. Say fuck.

___

Mack: Don't worry, I’ve got a plan. Captain: Alright. Mack: TraitorSayWhat? Engineer Mark: Excuse me? Mack: What? Captain: . . . Engineer Mark: . . . Mack: No wait—

___

Engineer Mark: “Smile!”

Captain: “Sweet!”

Celci: “Sister!”

Mack: “Sadistic!”

Wug: “Surprise!”

Burt: “Service!”

Gunther: “succ”

___

Allu: I CAN'T DO IT! Bandit: *laughing* I CAN'T EITHER! Allu: I CAN’T FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE Celci: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US. Allu: . . . Allu: I appreciate it, Allu: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH! Wug: Miss Lady— Allu: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE! Mack: Look, we gotta— Allu: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT. Allu: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?' Allu: *motioning to The Captain and Engineer Mark* NOT FUCKING THIS!!!

___

Captain: I trust Mark. Celci: You think he knows what he’s doing? Captain: I wouldn't go that far.

___

Captain: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity? Celci: *turning to Engineer Mark* How tall are you?

___

Wug: Wug kind of crushing on someone, but Wug’s worried about telling Friend Mark who it is, because Friend Mark won’t like it Engineer Mark: Just rip the bandage off. Wug: It Friend Captain Engineer Mark: *grinding his teeth together* Put the bandage back on.

___

Engineer Mark: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?

Celci: Nope, absolutely not. Bandit: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through. Wug: Wug hopes it emotionally scars Hideous Human for the rest of Hideous Human’s life. Allu: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you. Ms. Whitacare: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.

___

Captain: *running towards the airlock* I’m gonna jump!

Mack: Do a flip!

___

Allu: *to The Captain* The universe is in the hands of an idiot! Captain: *motioning to themself and Engineer Mark* No no no no no, TWO idiots!

___

Captain: Stressed

Celci: Depressed

Mack: Possessed

Engineer Mark: Obsessed

Allu: Unimpressed

Wug: Chicken breast

Everyone: . . .What?

Wug: Wug just wanted to join in.

___

Bandit: Wait, hold up, why do you draw yourself like that?

Captain: Uh, like what?

Bandit: Like with gorgeous, muscular legs

Captain: This is what I look like.

Bandit: . . .

Captain: THIS IS WHAT I LOOK LIKE!

Bandit: Okay, then I want big, beefy arms. Hot ones.

Wug: Wug wants a cowboy hat!

Captain: Okay, arms and hat *draws them*

Burt: Ooh, give me a cowboy hat, too!

Captain: You can’t just take Wug’s hat idea, Burt! They thought it up all by themself like a good person! Come up with your own thing!

Burt: BUT I WANNA LOOK COOL!

Engineer Mark: Put Celci on one of those stupid baby tricycles.

Celci: NO!!

Captain: Tricycle, done. *draws it* Gunther, want anything?

Engineer Mark: *making finger guns* Pew pew.

Captain: Another gun? That’s kind of already his thing. Gunther, do you want something different?

Gunther: *glaring and aggressively making finger guns* PEW. PEW.

Captain: You know what? Okay *draws it* But it’s just for holding, not for shooting.

___

Mack: *standing on a chair* The floor is lava!

Burt: *helps other crew members onto the counter*

Gunther: *shoots the floor while jumping up and down*

Wug: *practically latches onto the ceiling*

Engineer Mark and Celci: *trying to shove each other off the sofa*

Captain: *lays on the floor*

Mack: . . .Captain, are you okay?

Captain: No.

___

Gunther: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost in your life.

Burt: It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back. . .

Bandit and Celci: Oh, wow! My childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this!

Engineer Mark: My will to live! I haven’t seen this in years!

Wug: Wug knew Wug left that potential somewhere!

Captain: Mental stability, my old friend!

Gunther: Jesus, you guys need to lighten up already

___

Engineer Mark: Is it still visible? Where Celci slapped me?

Mack: Your face looks like a “Don’t Walk” signal

Burt: Your face looks like a photo negative for the Hamburger Helper mascot.

Bandit: A palm reader could tell Celci’s future by looking at your face.

Gunther: The phrase, “Talk to the hand cuz’ the face ain’t listenin’” doesn’t work for you right now, because the hand is your face.

Engineer Mark: . . .A simple “yes” would’ve sufficed.

___

Gunther: If you put “violently” in front of everything to describe your action, it becomes funnier!

Celci: Violently studies

Burt: Violently sleeps

Wug: Violently orders food

Captain: Violently slips into existential crisis over an endless cycle of increasingly-specific choices offered by too many timelines to keep track of, because APPARENTLY life wasn’t already meaningless enough.

Captain: Oh, and violently succumbs to depression and madness due to possibility of killing innocent people because another version of you decided to use boredom and curiosity as an excuse to stop caring about basic morality.

Everyone: . . .

Engineer Mark: Violently worries about the previous statement

___

Captain: *dies*

Narrator: Timer starts now! When are they coming bacK? I say two months!

Eldritch Plier: Bullshit. One month.

Bandit: Nah, half a month

Literally everyone else on the Invincible II: *sobbing* WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! THE CAPTAIN JUST DIED!

Engineer Mark: *scratching his chin in thought* One week.

___

Captain: The Bandit kissed me!

Engineer Mark: *slack-jawed, eyes twitching* Oh my God.

Captain: *completely oblivious* It was unbelievable!

Engineer Mark: *getting noticeably choked-up* Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God—

Celci: Okay, we wanna hear everything. Mark, get the wine and unplug the phone.

Mack: Captain, does this end well, or do we need tissues?

Captain: Oh, it ended very well.

Engineer Mark: *gritting his teeth and blinking back tears* Do not start without me. . .

Celci: Alright, let’s hear about the kiss. Was it a soft brush against your lips, or was it like a, y’know, “I gotta have you now” kind of thing?

Captain: Well, at first it was really intense, y’know? And then, oh God, and then we just sort of sunk into it.

Mack: Ohh. . .So, okay, was she holding you? Or were her hands on your back?

Captain: First she started out on my waist, and then her hands slipped up and then were in my hair.

Celci and Mack: Ohhh.

[Meanwhile, elsewhere on the Invincible II]

Bandit: *eating some glowing alien pizza from the intergalactic fast food place* And, uh. . .then I kissed them.

Wug: Tongue?

Bandit: Yeah.

Wug: Cool.

___

Allu: Wow, they look like a real handful. How do you deal with them?

Captain, watching Gunther screaming at nothing, Engineer Mark trying to set a sleeping Celci on fire, and Burt choking on air: I don’t know either.

___

Captain: What if the person who named Walkie-Talkies named everything?

Gunther: Pregnancy tests would be Maybe-Babies

Engineer Mark: Socks would be Feetie-Heaties

Bandit: Defibrillators would be Heartie-Starties

Wug: Nightmares would be Dreamy-Screamies

Burt: Stamps would be Lickie-Stickies

Celci: I hate you guys so much.

___

Mack: *teleports behind The Captian* I like ya cut, G

Mack: *dropkicks The Captain into the dungeon*

[SLAP]

#incorrect quotes #in space with markiplier #in space with markiplier part 2 #iswm #iswm part 2 #iswm engineer mark #iswm captain y/n #iswm celci #iswm gunther b. gunnerson #iswm burt #iswm bandit #iswm allu minium #iswm wug #iswm ms. whitacare #iswm mack #in space with mack #iswm narrator #eldritch iplier

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hazel-of-sodor · 4 months

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What's Lost is Found

Ch.19 Embrace