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eponymous-rose · 3 years

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Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E131 (March 30, 2021)

Tonight’s guests are Liam O’Brien and Sam Riegel!

Brian points out that a lot of Caleb’s greatest fears have come to pass. Liam: “It’s funny, because he’d kind of believed for a while that those things weren’t going to happen. After a while, he got complacent.” He notes that it was extra wild because everything with Trent popped up again in the midst of that complacency. And how did it feel to be defiant toward Trent? “I think Trent successfully made Caleb question if Caleb really was in control“ at the dinner party. “I feel like anything that I do is part of his plans for me, or is that just gaslighting? I’m legitimately scared of that dude.” Sam: “Of Matt?” Liam: “Sure.” He highlights the disconnect between knowing that the M9 is mechanically powerful and could possibly defeat Trent in a dice-and-stats battle, versus fearing him in a story sense and being convinced he can do almost anything.

Sam, on Luc’s death: “That was brutal, man. Matt Mercer is a-- he hates children! Clearly. He actively sought to kill a child in the campaign in as brutal a way as possible. He hates children and wants them dead. Canon. No, but to RP, that was horrible.” He highlights that so much of Veth’s arc has been about trying to get back to her family. “We had to choose something and we thought we were making the right choice. It was all Veth’s fault, and it was pretty rotten. My heart was beating pretty fast, and I certainly didn’t want to have my son die live on the stream. I don’t know what Veth would have done. That’s the end, that’s over. It’s almost worse than when your own character would die. This is something that would also kill Veth.” After the episode was over: “just shaken. I also didn’t know what to do next! That felt like a turning-point moment for my character, weirdly so close to what we assume to be the end arc of this campaign. I texted Matt later that night and was like, that’s it, Veth’s out, I’m tapping out.”

There’s an interlude in which Sam discovers a new dream to record an episode of this show from his Peloton. Dani informs him that she will not be inviting him back.

On Astrid, Liam: “I literally don’t know what she’s doing. I know that she’s dangerous, she always was ambitious, and there’s not been a moment where Caleb let his guard down with her. He’s not trying to reestablish what they had. He cares for the both of them, for Astrid and Eodwulf. He thinks about it a lot, still. He can’t tell how much she buys into everything that she experienced and is now living as a full-grown adult. He suspects that she’s bought in and is not going to change things, because she believes in the system, as much as he’d like to peel her away. He does believe that they want what’s best for the Empire, and stopping whatever wants to come vomiting out of a hole in the frozen north is good for everyone. And they’re powerful. They’re not trustworthy, obviously. But there’s enough at stake to make it worth it. He could imagine a situation where they fight each other to the death.” He was convinced Astrid was going to stop them when they left the tower and was really shocked when she held back. Sam: “Not me! I’ve trusted Astrid since day one. She’s the greatest! I sent a letter to her, she’s very nice, I think you guys would be a nice couple. I believe every word she says.”

On having to decide on Veth deciding to go off and save the world after Luc’s death. “Like I said, I was ready to be done. And then I decided somewhere in there that that’s not very D&D. So I thought I’d leave it up to somebody else, so I asked Caduceus to decide for me, essentially. She knows she’s putting her other family in danger if she doesn’t go. It’s an impossible choice, you know?” Liam: “I love watching you grapple with it, because you’re a lovely father and love your kids.”

On the Sanatorium, Sam: “That was brutal, man. Matt lulls you into a sense of complacency. We’d forgotten that Caleb was a stone-cold killer! It had been a while since he went on a murder spree. Still got it!” Liam: “I never meant for this character to be perfect sunshine.” Brian: “You don’t say.” Liam: “He’s very not-perfect, and I think in his brain, he was going in with the impression that they needed to get in and get out as soon as possible. The place is crawling with people with magic ability, and I didn’t have faith that we wouldn’t be sussed out or something wasn’t going to blow an illusion.” Everything was about getting out of there as fast as possible.

Did the conversation with Yeza help with Veth’s decision? “First of all, every conversation with Yeza is a beautiful one. Every time she talks to Yeza, it makes her feel good. In some ways, she’s gotten to the point now where she knows Yeza’s going to be supportive, she knows he’s going to allow her to do what she wants, but maybe that’s too much. Maybe she needs to not listen to him, basically, and be like, no, you need to be selfish now, dude, you need to say ‘come home, I’m sick of you leaving’. At a certain point, being supportive can turn into being enabling.”

Cosplay of the Week: Jester in the snow! (liljerbear47, photography by kairiceleste on Instagram)

On Trent’s motivations for chasing Caleb: “I really don’t know. The simplest explanation is to just hammer down the nail that’s sticking up. It has crossed his mind that all high-level wizards are in danger of their own ambition and egos, so it’s occurred to him that Trent might have the same kind of ideas that Halas had in the past, and maybe Caleb was always meant to be another body to jump into. Maybe in some sick, disgusting, twisted way, he wants him to be his successor. I am thinking of the next campaign, without getting too deep in, trying to do something that is much more ride-along. Caleb is very, very specific, and I thought long and hard about all the different pieces on the chessboard for him. For campaign three, I’m looking forward to seeing what happens.”

Dani: “Do I need to be keeping lore on your fucking ads?”

On the cursed dagger: “It was a tricky one, because in campaign one, one of the characters was under the influence of a cursed weapon, but it interacted with him and he knew what it was and what it did. And it affected his gameplay as a character. For me, Veth didn’t know what it was, ever. I as a player knew what it was doing, but Veth didn’t know at all. So it was kind of like my dirty, dark secret for many months. I knew this thing was coming perilously close to killing me, but my character didn’t know enough to bring it up to her friends. Nobody ever asked! So I was like, well, I guess this thing’s just going to kill me one day, and it’s kind of going to be a surprise.” Liam: “Sam, you love danger and self-destruction so much, you might as well be Mollymauk.”

On the fight in Yasha’s sequence, Sam: “You gotta put a character in your storm giant creature. It was so fun! It was so great of Matt to involve us in this encounter. It would’ve been fun just to watch, because Matt would have made it amazing and Ashley was sweating bullets, which is always fun to watch.” Sam notes he felt guilty, but Liam was going for the kill. Liam: “Matt’s gotta be careful about giving me that kind of story beat. I do not fucking care, I just fucking flip, I’m like, well, I’m going to destroy you, and I have no qualms about it. It’s too much fun!”

The Beau/Yasha tower date was in part inspired by not being able to give gifts as easily this last year. “This thing that we do together is a gift, but I love finding these moments, like the book for Jester and the tower for Yasha and for Beau. I really just wanted to give both of them a little magic for a night. I wanted them to leave this-- we’re trying to be as entertaining as possible, but shit is having an effect on all of us too, and I wanted them to have an escape, a great place to escape to.”

Fan Art of the Week: an amazing group shot, plus Marion, Yeza, and Luc! (vocaz on Twitter)

On choosing Essek over Trent, Liam: “It would have been so interesting and awful and great! Essek and Astrid and Eodwulf are everything that Bren used to be attracted to that are terrible for him. Essek, hopefully he can with time find a way out of the hole that he dug himself into, but it was only two months ago where he was found out and his ambitions came crashing down around him. Long-term, I have high hopes for him, but I think it’s going to be hard.” In contrast, Astrid and Eodwulf are still “deep in the shit. It would have been really hard to navigate, but fun to play at the table. We made the right choice with what we went with. Essek’s just getting started, and Caleb doesn’t trust him entirely, because he was burned so hard not too long ago. He’s still more trustworthy than the other three. So it’s the better choice. While Caleb has all these ties on the other side, they’re really fucking dangerous. So if you have to choose, you choose Essek. But fuck that die.” Sam: “Veth, much like Sam Riegel, makes instant decisions about whether to trust someone or not and sticks to it forever. Astrid, 100% trust. Eodwulf, 100% distrust. Essek, completely distrust. I still don’t think he’s a good guy. Ikithon? Trust. 100%. Because you know where he’s coming forward, you know what he wants. I still want him dead, but I trust him.”

On Veth’s post-adventuring plans: “Veth is probably still too in it right now to think about what comes next. I, Sam Riegel, have a good idea of what I want Veth to do post-campaign.” Brian: “Maybe you shouldn’t tell us. Save it for the show!” Sam: “All she knows is she can’t do this anymore. It’s very unhealthy to be battle-wounded every other day. It’s fun for a while, but college has to end at some point, and she’s gotta go home.”

On Frumpkin changing appearance and returning to the Feywild: “I don’t know what I’m going to do, but the way it feels now for Caleb is that he feels too enmeshed in everything that has happened, and too much good has happened, and too much needs to happened, that that really narcissistic, selfish goal has the risk of harming everything else, which is more important. And that’s how he looks at it now. So he’s gearing towards letting everything from the beginning of the campaign, and where he started, go, and trying to figure out what use he’s going to be now and what he’s going to do if they’re not all dead. If Matt throws that shit down, I don’t know what I will do, I think about it a lot. But turning Frumpkin white and saying you’re free either way is him preparing to let go of everything he’s been holding on to for a really long time. He’s addicted to that idea that he can fix himself, and we’ll see if that hard choice gets presented, what he might do. But where he stands now, he doesn’t think that’s going to be reality, and he sees a way that he can be of use that he never really anticipated before, so he’s slowly shifting gears towards living with the pain he was trying to remove.”

On the last request scene and confidence heading into Aeor, Sam: “I feel like that’s a good request. I think all of us realized that if we die, that probably bodes badly for the world. I feel like all of us are at a point now as characters and as friends, that the first order of business would be to take care of everybody else’s shit, although we probably have different ideas of how to do that.” Liam: “I want the Empire to be healed, Caleb has all these memories of his parents and what they wanted for the world, and he wants that too. It’s clearly not in place now, the system needs to be broken and replaced. That could be a part of Caleb’s sunset. I don’t want Caleb to die, so maybe he can work on that after. As everything starts to shake out and we start heading towards our destiny, Caleb’s just free-floating. He’s not even going after the same thing he started for. So he’s looking at Veth’s family, and Luc specifically, and seeing that’s me, that’s a little boy in the Empire.”

#critical role #critical role spoilers #talks machina #talks machina spoilers #long text post

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kkintle · 3 years

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The Sea, The Sea by Iris Murdoch ; Quotes

One of the secrets of a happy life is continuous small treats, and if some of these can me inexpensive and quickly procured so much the better.

There will be time and motive enough to prose on about my life when I shall have generated as it were a sufficient cloud of reflection. I am still almost shy of my emotions, shy of the terrible strength of certain memories.

I always felt that we were in the same boat, adventuring along together (…) We enjoyed and craved for each other’s company. What a test that is: more than devotion, admiration, passion. If you long and long for someone’s company you love them.

Is it true however? Well, it is not totally misleading, but it is far too short and ‘smart’. How can one describe real people?

Did I face it well? I think I did. Forgiveness and money were so ready as soon as I knew that she was doomed. That sounds cynical. I always loved her; and we were rewarded. At the very end we were both perfect. Poor Clement. That is a dreadful land, old age. I shall soon be entering it myself.

The image of Hartley changed in my mind from fiery pain to sadness, but never became blank. And in a way, I did keep searching for her, only it was a different and quite involuntary kind of search, a sort of dream-search.

Oh Hartley, Hartley, how timeless, how absolute love is. My love for you is unaware that I am old and you perhaps are dead.

‘I could have told you that country is the least peaceful and private place to live. The most peaceful and secluded place in the world is a flat in Kensington.’

I confess that I went to Peregrine not only for a drinking bout and a chat with and cold friend, but for male company, sheer complicit male company: the complicity of males which is like, indeed is, a kind of complicity in crime, in chauvinism, in getting away with things, in just gluttonously enjoying the present even if hell is all around.

‘We are such inward creatures, that inwardness is the most amazing thing about us, even more amazing than our reason. But we cannot just walk into the cavern and look around. Most of what we think we know are pseudo-knowledge. We are all such shocking poseurs, so good at inflating the importance of what we think we value. (…) People lie so, even we old men do. Though in aa way, if there is art enough it doesn’t matter, since there is another kind of truth in the art’.

‘And if there is art enough a lie can enlighten us as well as the truth. What is the truth anyway, that truth? As we know ourselves we are fake objects, fakes, bundles of illusions. Can you determine exactly what you felt or thought or did? We have to pretend in law courts that such things can be done, but that is just a matter of convenience. Well, well, it doesn’t signify. (…)’

‘(…) Do you know what marriage is like? You say she’s unhappy, most people are. A long marriage is very unifying, even if it’s not ideal, and those old structures must be respected. You may not think much of her husband, but he may suit her, however impressed she is by meeting you again. Has she said she wants to be rescued?

How very convenient these cliché phrases are, how soothing to the pained mind, and how misleading, how concealing.

It is an interesting fact about jealousy (…) that although it is in so many respects a totally irrational as well as totally irresistible emotion, it does show a certain limited reasonableness where temporal priority is concerned.

I love her, I thought, just as if I have been married to her all those years and have seen her gradually grow old and lose her beauty.

You’ve lived in a hedonistic dream all your life, and you’ve got away with behaving like a cad because you always picked on women who could look after themselves. And my God you told us the score, you never committed yourself, you never said you loved us even when you did! A cold fish with clear hands! But it was just luck really if the girls survived.

She summoned up my whole being, and I wanted to hold her and to overwhelm her an to lie with her forever, jusqu’a la fin du monde, and yes, to amaze her humility with the forces of my love, but also to be humble myself and to let her, in the end, console me and give me back my own best self.

After looking at the bright candles I could at first see nothing, and it struck me in an odd way that while I was talking to Hartley I had forgotten about the sea, forgotten it was there and now felt confounded and at a loss to find myself half blind among those terrible rocks.

The formation of my love for Clement, had been one of the main tasks and achievements of my life: that love which so often almost failed but never quite failed.

Being in love, that’s another slavery, stupid when you come to think of it, mad really. You make another person into God. That can’t be right (…) Real love, is free and sane. (…) Real love is like in a marriage when the glamour is gone. (…) Love. God, how often we uttered that word in the theatre and how little we even thought about it.

‘Yes, it’s strange, but in a way I do know you, and there isn’t anyone else who’s near me like that. I support it’s just because we were young, and later you cant know people, or I couldn’t.’

‘It’s happened fast because it’s right, it’s easy because it’s right.’

‘I wish I was dead, I think I’m going to die soon, I feel it. Sometimes I felt I would die by wishing it when I went to sleep but I always woke up again and found I was still there. Every morning finding I’m still me, that’s hell.’ ‘Well, get out of hell then! The gate’s open and I’m holding it!’ ‘I cant. I’m hell, myself.’

‘You just want someone to remember things with.’

It ceased at last, as everything dreadful has to cease, even if it ceases only by death. My presence, my cries, had no effect on her, I doubt if, in a sense, she knew I was there, although also, in a sense, the performance was for me, its violence directed at me.

I remembered, as I now did whenever I awoke, with a pang of anguish and love and fear, that Hartley was in the house.

(…) and although, with her disordered grey hair she looked old and mad, she seemed in that arrested moment like a queen.

‘And you are using this thing from the far past as a guide to important and irrevocable moves which you propose to make in the future. You are making a dangerous induction, and induction is shaky at the best of times, consider Russell’s chicken –‘ ‘Russell’s chicken?’ ‘The farmer’s wife comes out every day and feeds the chicken, but one day she comes out and wrings its neck.’

‘Not to worry. Sic biscuits disintegrat.’ ‘What?’ ‘That’s the way the cookie crumbles.’

We did not dare to say much to each other. By now I wanted the whole thing to be over. I could scarcely endure the idea that she might even now say ‘I don’t think I want to go after all.’; and the impulse to cry out ‘Stop!’ was a pain which I urgently wanted to be without. Perhaps she felt much the same.

James said, ‘I hope you don’t feel that I’ve influenced you in any way against your better judgement?’ ‘No.’ I was not going to argue that point. Of course he had influenced me. But what was my judgement, let alone better judgement?

‘Time can divorce us from the reality of people, it can separate us from people and turn them into ghosts. Or rather it is us who turn them into ghosts or demons. Some kinds of fruitless preoccupations with the past can create such simulacra, and they exercise power, like those heroes at Troy fighting for a phantom Helen.’

‘I’m not calling her a ghost. She is real, as human creatures are, but what reality she has is elsewhere. She does not coincide with your dream figure. You were not able to transform her. You must admit you tried and failed.’

‘(…) It is a mental charade, a necessary one perhaps, it has its own necessity, but not like what you think. Of course you can’t get over it at once. But in a few weeks or a few months you’ll have run through it all, looked at it all again and felt it all again and got rid of it. It’s not an eternal thing, nothing human is eternal. For us, eternity is an illusion. It’s like in a fairy tale. When the clock strikes twelve it will all crumble to pieces and vanish. And you’ll find you are free of her, free of her forever and you can let the poor ghost go. What will remain will be ordinary obligations and ordinary interests. And you’ll feel relief, you’ll feel free. At present, you’re just obsessed, hynotised.’

‘(…) When you’ve known someone from childhood, when you can’t remember when they weren’t there, that’s not an illusion. She’s woven into me. Don’t you understand how one can be so absolutely connected with somebody like that?’

‘(…) I gave her the meaning of my life long ago, I gave it to her and she still has it. Even if she doesn’t know she has it, she has it.’

‘Just like even if she’s ugly she’s beautiful and even if she doesn’t love you she loves you – ‘ ‘But she does –‘ ‘Charles, either this is very fine, very noble, or else you’re mad.’

‘(…) You mustn’t interfere in other people’s lives, especially married people. That’s in a way why marriage is so awful, I can’t think how anyone dares to do it. You’ve got to leave them alone. They’ve got their own way of hating each other and hurting each other, they enjoy it.’

‘”For in that sleep of death what dreams may come.”(…)’

Some kinds of obsession, of which being in love is one, paralyses the ordinary free-wheeling of the mind, its natural open interested curious mode of being, which is sometimes persuasively defined as rationality. I was sane enough to know that I was in a state of total obsession and that I could onlythink, over and over again, certain agonising thoughts, could only run continually along the same rat-paths of fantasy and intent. But I was not sane enough to interrupt this mechanical movement or even to desire to do so.

‘(…) And perhaps I was pleased to see you. We sometimes like to see people whom we hate and despise so that we can stir them up to further demonstrations of how odious they are.’

‘Jealousy is born with love, but does not always die with love.’

‘(…) Ordinary mediocre people think that if they confess one tenth of the truth they’re in the clear. You’ve made all your words into lies, you’ve devalued your speech and – in a moment you’ve spoiled the past – and there’s nothing to rely on any more.’

There were a few clouds, big lazy chryselephantine clouds that loafed around over the water exuding light. I gazed at them and wondered at myself for being too obsessed to be able to admire the marvels that surrounded me. But knowing how blind I was did not make me see.

(…) people can be light sources, without ever knowing, for years in the lives of others, while their own lives take different and hidden courses. Equally, one can be, and I recalled Peregrine’s words, a monster, a cancer, in the mind of someone whom one has half forgotten or even never met.

As James said, ‘If even a dog’s tooth is truly worshipped it glows with light.’

‘Can you hear the sea?’

‘I think you’re nearly through out of it. You’ve built a cage of needs and installed here in an empty space in the middle. The strong feelings are all around her – vanity, jealousy, revenge, your love for your youth – they aren’t focused on her, they don’t touch her. She seems to be their prisoner, but really you don’t harm her at all. You are using her image, a doll, a simulacrum, it’s an exorcism. Soon you will start seeing her as a wicked enchantress. Then you will have nothing to do except forgive here and that will be within your capacity.’

‘The sea is clean. The mountains are high. I think I am becoming drunk.’ ‘The sea is not all that clean,’ said James. ‘Did you know that dolphins sometimes commit suicide by leaping onto the land because they are so tormented by parasites?’ ‘I wish you hadn’t told me that. Dolphins are such good beasts. So even they have their attendant demons.’

‘What after all is superstition?’ said James, pouring some more wine into both glasses. ‘What is religion? Where does the one end and the other begin? How could one answer that question about Christianity?’

‘(…) But this power is dreadful stuff. Our lusts and attachments compose our god. And when one attachment is cast off another arrived by way of consolation. We never give up pleasure absolutely, we only barter it for another.’ (…)

What was my role in this play? I felt myself being relaxed and smiling like a man in a dream who cannot remember his lines but knows he can manage impromptu.

If there’s any fruitless mental torment which is greater than that of jealousy it is perhaps remorse. Even the pains of loss may be less searching; and often of course these agonies combine, as now they did for me. I say remorse not repentance. I doubt if I have ever experienced repentance in a pure form; perhaps it does not exist in a pure form. Remorse contains guilt, but helpless hopeless guilt which knows of no cure for the painful bite.

However life, unlike art, has an irritating way of bumping and limping on, undoing conversions, casting doubt on solutions, and generally illustrating the impossibility of living happily or virtuously even after (…)

Time, like the sea, unties all knots. Judgements on people are never final, they emerge from summing up which at once suggest the need of a reconsideration. Human arrangements are nothing but loose ends and hazy reckoning, whatever art may otherwise pretend in order to console us.

But am I so exceptional? We must live by the light of our self-satisfaction, through that secret vital busy inwardness which is even more remarkable than our reason. Thus we must live unless we are saints, and are there any? There are spiritual beings, perhaps James was one, but there are no saints.

There may be no saints, but there is at least one proof that the light of self-satisfaction can illuminate the whole world.

Of course this chattering diary is a façade, the literary equivalent of the everyday smiling face which hides the inward savages of jealousy, remorse, fear and the consciousness of irretrievable moral failure. Yet such pretences are not only consolations but may even be productive of a little ersatz courage.

That time of attentive mourning for her death was quite unlike the black blank horror of the thing itself. We had mourned together, trying to soothe each other’s pain. But that shared pain was so much less than the torment of her vanishing, the terrible lived time of her eternal absence. How different each death is, and yet it leads us into the self-same country, that country which we inhabit so rarely, where we see that worthlessness of what we have long pursued and will so soon return to pursuing.

There were no trains going where she was.

I cannot now remember the exact sequence of events in those prehistoric years. That we cannot remember such things, that our memory, which is ourself, is tiny, limited and fallible, is also one of the important things about us, like our inwardness and our reason. Indeed it is the very essence of both.

The only fault which I can at all measure is my own.

Anything can be tarnished by association, and if you have enough associations you can blacken the world. (…) In hell or in purgatory there would be no need of other or more elaborate tortures.

My love for you is quiet at last. I don’t want it to become a roaring furnace. If I could have suffered more I would have suffered more. Receive us now as if we were your children. Tenderness and absolute trust and communication and truth matter more and more as one grows older. Somehow let us not waste love, it is rare. Can we not love each other at last in freedom, without awful possessiveness and violence and fear? Love matters, not ‘in love’. Let there be no more partings now. Let there be peace between us now forever, we are no longer young. Love me, Charles, love me enough.

I suppose that is right, though there is a kind of impiety involved in letting any of James’s stuff go away. Do I then suppose he is likely to come back at any moment?

It is strange to think that when I went to the sea I imagined that I was giving up the world. But one surrenders power in one form, and grasps it in another.

#iris murdoch #fiction #quotes #literature #classic #the sea the sea #booker prize

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phantomofthepairofdice · 3 years

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Double Features 2: Splatter, Splicer, Slander, Slasher

Considering the fact that we’re locked down and most folks aren’t going out much, why not settle in on a weekend with double feature. As part of a series of articles, I’ve decided to suggest some titles that would make for an interesting pair. It’s a time commitment like binging a few episodes of a TV show, and hopefully these double features are linked in interesting enough ways that it has a similar sense of cohesion. They also can be watched on separate occasions, but the lesser the distance between them, the more the similarities show. Do it however you want, really. I’m merely a guy on the internet, and that qualifies me for absolutely nothing! Enjoy at your own risk.

This template is back! I wanted to suggest a few more double features, but this time keep them in a specific genre: horror. I love horror movies, and I realized that I hadn’t really given them their due on this here blog, so I wanted to remedy that by showing a lot of love across a lot of different movies. I’ve put together some international movies, some classics, some that are silly, some that are serious, and even a bonus suggestion hidden in one of these blurbs. So without any more ramble in the preamble, here are four new suggested double features.

Note: The pairs are listed in the order I think best serves them being seen.

Hausu & Evil Dead II:

Hausu aka House (not to be confused with 1985 American horror film of the same name) has sort of transcended cult movie status to become a staple of off-center horror-comedy. Directed by recently deceased Nobuhiko Obayashi, the film shows his roots in advertisements with every shot designed for maximum effect, a (still) cutting edge approach in the edit, and a joyous, playful approach to special effects. It’s a gauzy and dreamy romp about a group of schoolgirls who head to the countryside on vacation. While staying at one of their aunts’ house, the supernatural hauntings begin, and heads start to roll (as well as bite people on the butt). It’s the type of movie where the main cast of characters are named Gorgeous, Kung Fu, Melody, Prof, Mac, Sweet, and Fantasy and they each have corresponding character traits. I was lucky enough to catch this at a rep screening at the Museum of Fine Arts a few years ago (further proof that this has gone beyond the cult curio status), and this is absolutely a movie that benefits from having a crowd cheer and laugh along - but it’s fairly easy to find and still has lots of pleasures to be enjoyed on solo watch. I’m pretty much willing to guarantee that if you enjoy it on first watch, you’ll want to share it with others. Now, where does one start when talking about Evil Dead II? Sam Raimi is rightfully as well known for his start in the hair-brained splatter genre fare as he is for his genre-defining Spider-man films. The influence of the Evil Dead movies is nearly unquantifiable, apparent in the work of directors like Edgar Wright, Peter Jackson, Quentin Tarantino, and the Korean New Wave filmmakers like Bong Joon-ho and Park Chan-wook. There’s a reason that the second film of his Evil Dead odyssey is the one that people hold in highest esteem, though. There is an overwhelming gleeful creativity, anything goes, Looney Tunes approach to it that makes the blood geysers, laughing moose heads, and chainsaw hands extend beyond gore and shock into pleasure. It’s been noted over and over by critics and Raimi himself that the Three Stooges are probably the biggest influence on the film, and by golly, it shows. Evil Dead II and Hausu are pure in a way that few other movies can be. Both of these movies are an absolute delight of knowing camp, innovative special effects, and a general attitude of excitement from the filmmakers permeating through every frame. They’re a total blast and, in my mind, stand as the standard-bearers for horror-comedy and haunted house movies.

Total Runtime: 88 minutes + 84 minutes = 172 minutes aka 2 hours and 52 minutes

The Thing (1982) & The Fly (1986):

Feel free to roll your eyes as I explain the plots of two very famous movies. The Thing is John Carpenter’s body horror reimagining of Howard Hawks’ The Thing from Another World and the story that was adapted from, “Who Goes There?” by John W. Campbell Jr. The film is centered around a group of men in an arctic outpost who welcome in a cosmic force of shape-shifting annihilation. What ensues is a terrifically scary, nihilistic, paranoid attempt to find who isn’t who they say they are before everyone is replaced with the alien’s version of them. The film is a masterpiece of tone in no small part due to Dean Cundey’s photography and Ennio Morricone’s uncharacteristically restrained score. The real showstopper here, though, is the creature effects designed by Rob Bottin with an assist from Stan Winston – two titans of their industry. There may not be a more mind-blowing practical effects sequence in all of movies than Norris’ defibrillation – which I won’t dare spoil for anyone who hasn’t seen it. The story is so much about human nature and behaviors, that it’s good news that the cast is all top-notch – anchored by Kurt Russell, Keith David, and Wilford Brimley. While The Thing is shocking and certainly not for anyone opposed to viscera, David Cronenberg’s The Fly is the best example of a movie not to watch while eating. Quite frankly, it’s got some of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen on film. Chris Walas and Stephen Dupuis’ makeup effects are shocking, but the terror is amplified because this builds such a strong foundation of romance in its opening stretch between Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis in what might be their career-best work. The story is simple: a scientist creates a teleportation device that he tries out himself, but unknowingly does so with a fly in the chamber with him. When he reatomizes on the other end, his DNA has been integrated with the fly. Slowly his body begins to deteriorate, and he transforms into a human-fly hybrid. While this is first and foremost a science-fiction horror film, it’s truly one of the most potent love stories at its center. The tragedy is that the love, like the flesh, is mutated and disintegrated by the hubris of Goldblum’s Seth Brundle. Here are two remakes that – clutch your pearls – outdo the original. They both serve as great examples of what a great artist can bring by reinterpreting the source material to tell their version of that story. The critical respect for Carpenter and Cronenberg is undeniable now, but both of these movies make the case that there are real artists working with allegory and stunning craft in less respected genre fare. It doesn’t take a lot of effort to transpose the thematic weight of the then-new AIDS crisis onto both films, but they both have a hefty anti-authority streak running through them in a time where American Exceptionalism was at an all-time high. If you want to get a real roll going, fire up the ’78 Invasion of the Body Snatchers first to get a triple dose of auteur remakes that reflect the social anxieties of the time and chart from generalized anxiety to individualistic dread to romantic fatalism.

Total Runtime: 109 minutes + 96 minutes = 205 minutes aka 3 hours and 25 minutes

Theatre of Blood & The Abominable Dr. Phibes

That old Klingon proverb that Khan tells Kirk about revenge being a dish best served cold is challenged by these two Vincent Price tales of the macabre. They posit that revenge is best served in extremely convoluted and thematically appropriate predecessors to the Saw franchise. Where Saw trades in shock and extremity, though, these classic horror tales offer an air of panache and self-satisfied literacy. In Theatre of Blood, Price plays a disgraced and thought-dead stage actor who gets revenge on the critics who gave him negative reviews with Shakespeare-themed murder. There’s good fun in seeing how inventive the vengeful killings are (and in some cases how far the writers bend over backwards to explain and make sense of them). It’s a little rumpled and ragged in moments, but Price is, of course, a tremendous pleasure to see in action as he chews through the Shakespeare monologues. Imagine the Queen’s corgis with a chainsaw and you’re on track. Phibes came first and, frankly, is the better of the two. The story is about a musician who seeks to kill the doctors who he believes were responsible for his wife’s death during a botched surgery. The elaborate angle he takes here is to inflict the ten plagues from the Old Testament. I hesitate to use a word that will probably make me come across as an over-eager schmuck, but it really feels best described as phantasmagorical. It’s got this bright, art deco, pop art sensibility to it that’s intoxicating. It also has a terrifically dark sense of drollery - it knows that you can see the strings on the bat as it flies toward the camera. Aesthetically, it feels adjacent to the ’66 Batman show. The music is great and the indelible image of his tinker toy robot band, The Clockwork Wizards, is a personal obsession of mine. Both Theatre of Blood and The Abominable Dr. Phibes feature great supporting turns from Diana Rigg and Joseph Cotton, respectively. Settle in for a devilishly good time and enjoy one of cinema’s greatest vicarious pleasures: getting back at those of criticized or hurt you.

Total Runtime: 104 minutes + 94 minutes = 198 minutes aka 3 hours and 18 minutes

Blood and Black Lace & The Bird with the Crystal Plumage

The final pairing comes from beyond American borders and, to some, beyond the borders of good taste. Mario Bava and Dario Argento are likely the two biggest names in Italian horror, and that’s for very good reason. Bava, who started as a cinematographer, has made loads of movies (even the film which gave Ozzy Osbourne and crew the name their band name) that have tremendous visuals and terrific sense of mood. Argento, probably most famous now for Suspiria, emerged onto the Italian film scene a handful of years later and picked up that baton from Bava to crystallize the dreamy logic puzzles cloaked in hyper-saturated colors. These two films are regarded as quintessential in the giallo genre – named for the yellow covers of the pulp crime fictions that inspired them. As someone who loves the flair that can be applied to make a slasher film stand out amongst their formulaic brethren, I found that the giallo made for a smooth transition into international horror. Blood and Black Lace is a murder mystery that’s as tawdry and titillating as its title suggests. Set in an insular world of a fashion house in Rome, models are being murdered. The plot feels like a necessity in order to create a delivery system for the stunning set pieces that revolve around a secret diary. Bava puts sex right next to violence and cranks up the saturation to create something thrillingly lurid. Six years later, Argento made his first film which has often been credited for popularizing the giallo genre and already is playing around with some of his pet themes like voyeurism and reinterpretation. Built around an early set piece (that stacks up as one of the best in thrillers) in which a man is trapped but witnesses a murder, the film sees said man trying to find the piece of evidence that will make the traumatic killing make sense. Like Bava, it blends sex and violence with tons of flair, including a score by the aforementioned Ennio Morricone. The film is absolutely on a continuum between Hitchcock and De Palma. If you’re looking for a pair of exciting horror/thrillers, or even an entry point to foreign genre cinema, this is an accessible and enjoyable place to start.

88 minutes + 96 minutes = 184 minutes aka 3 hours and 4 minutes

Well, there you have it. Eight movies, and hours of entertainment curated by some guy with no real qualifications. If you’re interested in some more suggestions (in horror and other genres), stay tuned for the next entry in this Double Features series. And if you’re looking for a way to watch these movies, I highly recommend the app/website JustWatch where you can search a title and see where it’s available for streaming or rental. Happy viewing.

Thanks for reading.

#evil dead #evil dead 2 #hausu #hausu 1977 #the thing #the fly #theatre of blood #dr phibes #blood and black lace #bird with the crystal plumage #double feature

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nomiliy · 4 years

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Alright, let me tell you why this damn image is so fucking sad.

From the contrast to the movement to the focus of the piece, this work of art reveals a lot about Takahiro’s interpretation of Steve and Darren’s relationship.

First off, look at those damn colors.

We have red, blue, and green; two primary colors and one secondary color. It’s almost a split complementary color scheme. Well, it could be- all depends on how strict you are and how you interpret these colors (if this were a true split complementary scheme, then it be red with blue-green and yellow-green), but I see an attempt at the schema instead of replication. Sooooo...

MOVING RIGHT ALONG, both Darren and Steve have a dominant primary color (red and blue respectively) and both share green, the secondary color in this image. This can be interpreted in many ways, like ascribing green to be something they share. It is a secondary color, so the notion that it’s the product of unification also holds true in some cases. However, though they share green, the color is more represented in Darren’s design. His eyes, jacket, and shorts, are all variations of yellow-green and blue-green (ah, see? There’s that color scheme coming in!). Now, since red and green are complementary, Darren’s overall palette is very dynamic and ‘pops’.

Before we get to Steve’s palette, there’s an interesting association between tones and movement. For instance, warm tones are seen as ‘active’ or more energetic in nature so they convey movement very well even when other aspects of a design are static. Cooler tones, conversely, are great for establishing structure and passivity, and are calmer in nature. They typically don’t convey movement, but stability or, on the negative end, stagnation.

Now, lets look at Steve Leonard drenched in cool tones and perpetually stuck in the past...

My boy here is mostly blue, blue-green, and black with some hints of yellow. The overall effect is that Steve appears cooler in tone, and therefore more ‘distant.’ His pose (looking off to side, literally unable to move forward) reinforces his color story. And, when brought in line with Darren’s color story, they play off each other in the composition.

Darren is warmer in tone and has a more dynamic color palette and is therefore more active or ‘present.’ He is literally moving forward, away from Steve, as conveyed by nearly every aspect of the piece. Steve, on the other hand, is distant, cold, and guarded as indicated by the cooler tones. His posture is closed off from the viewer and Darren, he’s looking away, and he is stuck between his younger self in the background and the viewer/Darren in the foreground.

Though stating they share green is a fine statement, I think it be more accurate to say that Steve is absent of red. If we look at their shadows, the green actually originates in Steve’s shadow and is transferred into the lighting around Steve, and in Darren’s jacket. So, what’s the importance of Steve ‘missing’ red?

WELL, BUCKLE IN, because as we previously stated warm tones, like warmer reds, represent movement. We know that Steve is stuck in the past, and the absences of red in his color story shows his lack of forward progress, of letting things go, of moving on. But, if we look to the background, Takahiro proposes a very interesting idea...

The red colors and warmer tones originate from Darren. His hair, tie, and shadow project his color story through out the piece. In other words, red, Darren’s central color, is the unifying force behind the split complimentary scheme. On top of that, Darren is the driving force behind movement and growth in the piece, which also reflects Darren being the driving force of change in the books.

The younger versions of Steve and Darren in the background nod to this notion in a very sad way. Darren is enamored by that spider, but Steve is totally captivated by Darren. Like many characters in the series, Steve is drawn to Darren as shown by his pose; he’s leaning in, listening intently to Darren prattle on, smiling...

But, without Darren, we see that Steve is stuck in the middle of the piece. He’s turned away from everything, stagnant in personal growth, and absent of any kind of progress. He’s absent of red, and therefore absent of Darren. Because he turned away from Darren, he also turned away from his future.

Steve literally cannot move on without Darren. Darren is the origin point for all forward movement and growth for Steve. Without his friendship or influence, Steve is stuck in the past and he just cannot escape.

When Steve said Darren was “all I have,” he meant it.

#cdf #cirque du freak #the saga of darren shan #darren shan #Steve Leonard #Steve Leopard #fandom discourse #fandom analysis #arai takahiro #art analysis #i think?#I'm not an art major #sue me

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bexterbex · 4 years

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A Soul to Mend His Own | Ch. 62

pamgWarning, PLEASE CHECK TAGS IF YOU SEE SOMETHING YOU DON’T WANT TO READ THEN DON’T READ. | Tag lists are closed | INBOX OPEN

Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Will tag as I go along, Will update tags, Slow Burn, Influenced by Star Trek and other Sci-Fi themes, References to We Happy Few, Tons of References and quotes to George Orwells 1984 see if you can find them all, The First Order is the new Big Brother, but who is really surprised, Blatant Nazi Symbolism, Interrogation Themes, Eventual Smut, Eventual Romance, Really just drawn out Slow Burn, Don’t repost without permission, Torture themes, Suggestive Themes, Execution themes, Disturbing Themes, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Controlling Kylo Ren, Physical Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Possessive Kylo Ren, A character shamelessly based on Zelda

A Kylo Ren x Modern! Reader in a soulmate au with canon divergence. —————————————SLOWBURN————————————–

He is already the Supreme leader, searching the universe to find you, his Empress. Your name on his wrist has been the only constant in his life, while you have doubts about his existence and his acceptance of you. He isn’t in the database and why did the name Kylo Ren cover Ben Solo?

MASTERLIST

Chapter 62: Dreams Again

A/N: If you haven’t seen it go check out this awesome cover art @pamgkrthart made for this story: LINK

You were in the house that the young boy was left all alone in; you assume it was Kylo’s childhood home.

She didn’t speak at first. The older woman, she invited you to sit with her. She silently offered you tea, which you accepted. You watched each other.

“You are probably wondering why I brought you here. Why we are speaking now.” Her voice had a feminine leathery sort of sound, calm but aged in a way that you know she has been through a lot.

You simply nodded, not knowing if your voice was going to work or not.

“I fear for my son, Ben. You know him as Kylo, a creature of his own construction. I know of his plans, his plans to kill Ben, to kill the light within him, and thus the need to kill me. This I know to be my fate.” She looked down into her own cup of tea, not meeting your eyes before continuing. “Ben was once a happy boy, before Kylo, before everything went wrong. His father and I may not have been the best parents, but know that we loved him, that I still love him.”

She was quiet for a while, staring into her cup. You could feel the emotions coming off of her in soft waves.

You attempted to speak, putting in a bit of effort, “What is your name?” You had yet to learn of either of Kylo’s parents. You now had a face, but you wanted a name.

“Leia,” she then looked at you in the eyes. Which were filled with grief, “Your name has always brought him comfort. Since he was old enough to understand what was on his wrist. Something his father and I could never do after sending him away.” She paused for a moment. You could see her holding back tears. “We thought we were doing what was best. Now I know we were wrong. His father was afraid there was too much of my father in him, but I know better now. Ben is good, but Kylo is not. You need to believe me.”

You were confused by her words. “You sent your only son away? Why?” If Kylo wasn’t going to give you answers, you were going to try to get them from her.

“My brother, Luke was a Jedi. He was taught the ways of the Force, he taught me. Once the Empire had fallen, we felt it was safe enough to start the Jedi Order again. So Luke opened up a temple. To train those who are strong in the Force to be able to use it. Ben was one of them. He was unstable at times, I couldn’t teach him, so we sent him to train with my brother. He was young, too young, I know that now. He felt that we had abandoned him, but that was never my intention.”

Before she could continue you interjected, “But it wasn’t the first time you had abandoned him, was it?” You recalled the dream that you had. The one that also took place in this house, the one with the boy.

She looked shocked. Probably wondering how you knew such a thing. “We never meant to. His father and I loved each other, but we weren’t good for each other, not in the long run. We were matches, but we worked better as separates together than we did as a couple. We were the people who worked out better as platonic soulmates versus romantic. That doesn’t mean I didn’t love him, I did, but we were healthier apart.”

You wondered if this was an omen for your own relationship, would Kylo and you ever work out? Or would you bring a child into existence and not realize where your fates lied until it was too late.“So you sent him away, then what?”

“He was trained by his uncle but influenced by another. Influenced by Snoke who turned him to the dark side, like my father before him. He tormented him into thinking that we were the ones that were wrong.”

“But weren’t you? You said it yourself, you sent him away. You abandoned him. You raised him in an unhealthy household. I have felt some of his pain. Things you have caused. Things that I now must fix, must mend to make him whole again.” You were fighting back both tears and anger now. She may be his mother, one who loves him, but she has caused him so much pain, pain you doubted that you could heal.

“I just want my son to come home. I want him to know I still love him. That I forgive him for what he has done. I just want him home.”

You stared at her, the anger now starting to take control. “So tell me. Just what has he done?”

“He has killed both his father Han Solo and his uncle Luke Skywalker. He has killed a great many other people too. All in the name of power and the First Order. He will kill me too, in order to finally end Ben Solo.”

Her words hit you like a bus. So she was his final task. Killing his mother was part of his plan to kill Ben Solo--to protect you. You tried to not let this faze you as you asked, “And what of Rey? What is she in all this?”

Her face eclipsed with confusion as she answered, “They are connected somehow through the Force, I do not know why. Luke did not know why. She has been helping me bring him home.”

Tears fully spilling from your eyes, the anger and heartbreak taking over your rational. Venom filling your mouth, “So you both want me gone? You both want me to step away from him? Because why? So you can attempt to fix what you have broken? To take my soulmate away from me just so you can be a happy family again? When he has explicitly said that isn’t what he wants? I don’t think so.” You stood up from the table. Ready to march out the door of this dream.

She stopped you, “Wait. I never told Rey to try to get him to abandon you. That is her agenda. I just want my son. Please let him know I would like to see him. That I want him to come home.”

You faced her now, “Why don’t you visit his dreams instead, I’m sure that would be more effective,” you spat.

“I can’t, he is too strong in the Force. Your mind is weaker. And he will listen to you. Please, I want my son home.” You could tell that she could also feel the dream world shake around her. Whatever she was doing to make this happen was starting to fail now.

You coldly met her eyes, “No, you need to listen to him. If he doesn’t want to come home, then you need to listen. You obviously didn’t respect his wishes when he was a young boy. But you need to do so now. You’ve harmed him enough. Ben wasn’t strong enough, but Kylo is.” You stormed out of the house. As the door slammed behind you the dream world dissipated. And you woke up in a cold sweat.

Kylo was awake next to you, sitting up in a hurry, “Kitten what’s wrong?” You could hear the worry in his voice.

“I’ve just met your mother. And let’s just say things didn’t go well.” Really, the other women in his life, other than anyone in the First Order, had a real knack for pissing you off.

He shifted next to you, “Show me.” It wasn’t a question, but a simple command.

You both held eye contact for a moment before shutting your eyes and leaning into him. You felt his hand caress your face as you replayed the dream if you could call it that.

His voice was stern, “Kitten?”

You hummed in response. Wondering what he was angry about.

“I will have to be in your mind. You are too weak to be able to protect yourself from them. I must do it, you leave me no other choice.”

Before you could respond you felt the tendrils come back in full force. This time they were no longer politely inhabiting your brain. They took up every square inch. Leaving no memory or thought untouched. You blacked out from the force of it all.

You dreamed again, but this time it was a variation of the throne dream. You were once again sitting on a throne with the black shaggy dog. Except this time you were watching your own reflection, instead of encountering another version of yourself.

You looked the same in the reflection, but the dog didn’t. The dog was Kylo, still with a chain around his neck, and his head in your lap. You watched as the Kylo in the reflection seemed to bask under the pets that were given to him.

You watched as in his hand out of nowhere appeared his lightsaber. He ignited it. In one quick slash, he cut his chain. You quickly looked over at the dog that was next to you, his chain still intact. You then returned your attention back to Kylo. He had removed the collar that was around his neck and disabled the lightsaber and placed it on his belt.

You then watched as he came closer to the edge of the reflection, inspecting it. He then stepped forward through the threshold of your side. The reflection shattering behind him, like broken glass. As if he was actually trapped in a mirror. He approached you.

“Kitten, you look wonderful as an Empress.” He knelt down on one knee, taking your hand in his, kissing it. “I am unworthy to bask in your radiance. To grovel at your feet.”

You grabbed his face in your hands and brought your face to his, “Thank you Kylo, but that simply isn’t true.” You then kissed him deeply. This time you took dominance over the kiss, he submitted to your actions.

He moaned and broke the kiss for a moment. “Kitten,” his voice purred.

But before the dream could continue, you felt pressure behind your ear.

“Kitten, it’s time to wake up,” called the Kylo that was based in reality.

Your head felt as if it weighed a million pounds as you attempted to wake up. You could feel the tendrils shift as you did so. “Mmm, I don’t feel good.”

His hand carded through your hair, you felt the weight lessen, but not completely dissipate. “You can’t stay in bed all day.”

“Why not?” You turned on your side so your back was facing him.

“Because if you stay in bed, I’ll want to stay in bed. And then no progress gets done. And then we are that much father from you becoming Empress.”

“You mostly want me to become Empress so I’ll have sex with you,” you huffed.

“That isn’t the only reason. I think you would make a great Empress and that the galaxy isn’t worthy to have you rule over it.” His hands caressed down your sides, just as the tendrils caressed your mind.

“Fine, but I want to lay in bed until Adlez and Olivia-Rose get here.” He seemed content with this answer as he got up to get ready. Leaving you alone.

Even though you weren’t fully awake, and you felt the tendrils moving about you tried to process what you learned through the night. Your mind came up short as the tendrils kept shifting. You weren’t able to complete a stable thought.

#kylo ren #kylo ren x reader #kylo x reader #kylo ren imagine #kylo x you #a soul to mend his own #star wars #first order #star wars imagine #Star wars soulmate au #sw first order imagine #star wars first order

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popculturebuffet · 4 years

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OK K.O.! Let’s Be Heroes!: You’re Everybody’s Sidekick Review

OK KO was easily one of the best animated series of the 2010′s and i’ll stand by those words. The brainchild of Ian Jones Quartlery, voice of Wallow in Bravest Warriors and more importantly former head writer for Steven Universe, and current longtime romantic partner of that series creator Rebecca Sugar. That part isn’t AS important, but I still find it sweet. Anyways OK KO was the story of K.O., a 6-11, not my own laziness for once but the show’s own way of doing age, year old boy who wants to be the best like no one ever was. In this case i’ts being a hero in a world that’s basically like if someone took the marvel universe and smashed a retro game collection and a pile of manga on top of it and then blended up the result and shot it full of gamma rays. Full of heroes of all kinds ranging from those fighitng crime to those who just want to loiter outside strip malls or cut hair. To achieve this goal KO gets a job at Gar’s Bodega, the combination of your average bodega (for those unfamiliar with the term, i’ts a convience store) and a video game item shop, so the slurpee machine is right next to the power ups and ninja stars, and everything from skateboard polish to Spread Guns is avaliable. The bodega is owned by Mr.Gar, a mustachiosed muscle man whose basically a shoutier mexican version of MIke Haggar but with shades and a mustache. So a somehow better version of him, though with him being busy watching over the plaza itself, doing secret hero missions and what not the day to day operations are left to two teens: Rad, a muscle bound dude bro alien with telekenisis and a secret heart of gold and Enid, a cynical, slacker ninja whose also bilogically a witch because her parents are a vampire and a werewolf. So the series follows these three as they run the boedega, grow as people and fight the robots that frequently attack the plaza sent by the evil Lord Boxman who hates the place literally because it’s there and it’s existance annoys him. This is the canon explination and it is utterly hilarious. The series was funny, had great character work, decent ongoing stories, great jokes and a fun tone that could go from meaningful and well thorught ot utterly batshit from episode to episode and was sadly canceled after 3 seasons because Cartoon Network is kinda stupid right now and dosen’t know how to handle a superhero show that still makes action a priority, but it did get a solid ending, a slew of great crossovers and a decent amount of representation under i’ts belt. WHich brings us to today and the start of RED ACTION WEEK: A week dedicated to the series most prominent gay character and the bisexual ninja witch who loves her. I’m covering all 5 of Red’s more prominent apperances... I was just going to do the red/enid episodes but decided this was a better introduction to the series itself, as well as the fact it allows her character arc to better tie together by her final episode, which directly uses this one as a major plot point. I also threw Plaza Prom in there since, even if she’s only a supporting character, it’s still one of her few major apperances, is part of her final major episode, is one of my faviorites, and the climactic dance fights is one of the most intentionally homoerotic fight scenes i’ve seen in some time. With all that out of the way, let’s do this after the cut.

We start at Gar’s Bodega, just after the opening two parter, with KO starting his first day of work, part of the reason this episode is a fairly smooth introduction into the show. Not even in the door he accidently shoryukyn’s joe cuppa, a stand up comedian with a cup of coffee in the big time for a head... I told you anything goes and I meants it. After that accident, we find Enid at the counter, ignoring the customers before shooing them away and when KO asks for work, plays along with his enthusasim and tells him to clean the store.. which he does in minutes, before being told to sort the penny dish, and while he does the two discuss KO’s love of helping people: KO just genuinely thinks that’s part of his job, the right thing to do and feels good while Enid.. dosen’t feel it’s worth the effort and people are just generally ungreatful and not worth it. I really like this scene for showing off their character dynamic beautifully: It starts showing that while at this stage Enid is largely an asshole, she does care about K.O. and while he’s cleaning, despite usually turning customers away, still let’s Ginger, an elderly patron and one of KO’s mom’s dojo customers, not only check out but pay in freaking pennies. It shows that try as she might, Enid really isn’t a cyncial or heartlesss as she claims. It’s also nice setup for later in the season as, and as i’m sure Ian Jones Quartlery and crew were preparing for, we later DO see why Enid hates people so much: her best friend, possibly more, Elodie, who i’ll certainly be covering eventually, betrayed her for a spot at Point Prep, basically UHA or Xavier’s for this world and claimed their friendship was just a ploy (It wasn’t, but again, story for another time), while her one date with Rad went terribly due to him acting like a huge jackass at the advice of his even bigger jackasses of friends. It’s easy to see why she stopped carring: When she opened up in the past it only lead to her being hurt and alone. K.O.... is the opposite. He genuinely belivies in everyone and tries to help them because, as said above, it’s just what he does and what he belivies a hero should be... he hasn’t been hurt or influenced by assholes like his friends, and thus is able to get them to open up. It’s a wonderful dynamic and I love it. And naturally, KO is determined to help Enid see the light, with Enid responding with the wonderful line “You’ll never melt my icy heart”... give him a few more episodes Enid, give him a few more episodes. So K.O. Decides to set out helping people, shouting about it to enid back at the store as he does because he’s 6-11 and kids in that age range are many things, but subtle is not one of them. He starts with Geoff and Nick Army, a monk and gay duke nukem reflectivity who despite having polar oppositie personalities, are both a couple, as confirmed by the creative team and then the finale, and a crime fighting duo who are having a dispute over opening a pickle jar with the good old ultra violence or non violence, which KO solves by letting both do it once, which results in a pickle jar explosion, both men in their underwear and everyone happy, especially the shippers. KO continues his quest, going to Logical Cuts where we meet Mr.Logic, a robot who has a rather moving and well done backstory we’ll certainly get to, and is voice by James Urabanik, aka the voice of Rusty Venture on the venture bros, to my utter delight. And yes i’ll be covering the venture bros eventually, and might be this month. His customer, another one of KO’s mom’s regulars, is upset because her haircut isn’t right while Mr.Logic is upset, well as upset as a monotone robot can convey, that his usually 100% mathmatically perfect haircuts are off. KO pitches in and the new result is perfect, with both being greatful.

KO’s next stop on his good will help people crying for help tour, after the above bit of wonderful art shift as that version of ko moveds like a south park character for some reason. Anyways, it turns out best friends, co workers and the dante and randal of this show, i.e.two best friends working a dead end job who despite arguing a lot need each other, A Real Magical Skeleton, self explaintory and Greg, a bear, are having an argument because RMS is trying to do their job and frame a baseball for a guy while Greg is being a dickhead and playing the drums constantly. As you can probably wager, I do not like Greg, probably more than rusty, partly because a future episode has him making KO doubt his macaroni art gift for his mom so he can eat it, yes really,and partly because he’s less intresting than his buddy and yet the two are shipped frequently despite my honest assumption they’d kill each other.. much like if dante and randall finally banged. However if you do ship them, I have no hostility with you. Unlike say loudcest or shipping sam with lincoln over at the loud hosue, there's nothing wrong with RMS X Brandon, it’s just not for me. Anywho KO solves it in the hilarious and awesome manner of just putting Brandon inside one of those baseball cube things... it’s a shame he apparently gave him air holes but whatever. Proud of himself, K.O. plans to head back when he runs into the Ally Teens: Red Action, rude teen warrior from the future who just had a bad haircut, Drupe, a sentient strawberry because of course, and Greg, Drupe’s nonbinary best friend and combination of one of the bone cousins and Woodstock. K.O. offers to help and , with the trio being huge steaming bowls of elephant piss at this point, they instead trick him into waiting in a lava flow and then have drupe whip him every time the lava causes him to cartoonishily jump in the air. Yeah despite both Red Action and Drupe going on to having supporting roles, like our good pal tom, who I will get back to this month, there isn’t nearly as much wiggle room in their first apperance. With Tom Lucitor, he was a dick.. but you could make the case, even just off that ep that he genuinely dosen’t know HOW to be a good person or that what he’s doing is sketchy at best. Here, it’s fairly obvious the ally teens know setting a child on fire and using vine whip on him super effectively is wrong, that’s why their doing it. Red, being that special brand of asshole, posts it on social media. I mean posting a video of yourself hurting a child, that’s Tucker Carlson level’s of dickery right there. Stone cold. Enid sees it and is understandably concerned, and goes over to see if KO’s allright when he returns and is forced to explain to him that no they weren’t laughing with him, they were laughing at him and were just being dicks. Also he wasn’t in lava, it was magma. It was above ground.

K.O. glumly wonders why and Enid reitrates this kind of shit is why she dosen’t help people. K.O. also wonders how she saw it and we find out Enid is basically facebook stalking red action on her social media, as you do, and that Red’s been on a bit of a tear lately, smashing up shit and farting in Geoff’s face all because she got a bad haircut, with K.O. , likely going thorugh more of her posts, realizing theirs a pattern: When bad things happen to her she lashes out at others.. just like Enid. I do like the parallel there: Enid likely has a crush on her because the two are fairly similar.. but Enid runs cold and tens to be standoffish as a result of her past, while Red tens to take out her anger and frustration on everyone else and runs red hot. But they come together because opposities attract... it’s what noble laurite MC Scat Kat taaught us after all. K.O. however, having Steven Universe level’s of empahty and an equal sense of wanting to help, and just as few boundries as he had as a tween, decides that it’s clear the ally teens have underlying issues to adress and gets Enid help to look at their social media. Returning to the ally,and seemingly unphased by earlier, K.O. sets out helping them, starting by helping red get her haircut fixed by Mr. Logic. Red is adorably delighted. Moving on K.O. notes that Drupe basically just follows Red’s lead but has a fashion blog and clearly an identiy of her own and we soon learn she believes no one reads it. K.O. showed it to the not at all ambigiously gay duo and Geoff and Nick thank her> That’s two blushes and two wins in K.O.’s court. Finishing up, K.O. realizes Gregg stays quiet because they have low self esteem and feel they have nothing to be proud of. K.O. however found lots to be proud of and framed Gregg’s valdectorian certificate for him, again with some help from earlier. Instead of graditude red just calls him weird and leaves and KO slumps back depressed. I’ts a good lesson though: people DON’T change just because you did one weirdly kind thing for them. That takes time.. as we’ll see with Red and as we see with Drupe, who has less of an ons creen journey but is far nicer after her next apperance. While Enid is grossed out over having helped someone, Gregg comes in.. and after some great deranged animation thanks K.O. and Enid admits after some prodding that it does feel good to help, and K.O. is happy to have helped her int he process. The two playfully mess around as the episode ends. Final Thoughts: This was a really good one. Reaching back this far into the series, I didn’t think it’d would be nearly as good as it ended up: It serves both as a good proper introduction for a lot of the plaza regulars, a good setup for Enid’s character arc, and was also really funny with great animation. LIke Tom, I don’t think the creators knew exactly what they were going to do with the Alley Teens and thus take the two they end up focusing on in opposite directon: Red keeps her assholishness for her next apperance and grows from it, while Drupe’s drops off by the end of this season, likely due to her fashion blog taking off, but we’ll get into Red more in a review or so and Drupe more later this month.For now this episode was good and next up we have their next apperance in Plaza Prom. Until then, follow this blog for more reviews and nonsense, like and reblog it if you enjoyed this, hit me up with asks for review suggestions or comssions and until next time, later days!

#ok ko let's be heroes #you're everybody's sidekick #enid #red action #rednid #drupe #gregg #ko #geoff #nick army #mr.logic #ginger #lbgtq+#pride month #happy pride

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glare0322 · 4 years

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h.i.v.e. head canons

just some character and relationship/friendship head canons :)

laura

- plays the piano and quite well. she doesn’t want to play much at h.i.v.e. because it reminds her of scotland and her family. after book eight, she plays a lot more frequently cause she really sees h.i.v.e. and the people there as her home.

- is not organized in anything but school and files on her computer. her brain runs a million miles an hour which leads to things getting messy fast.

- becomes a lot closer with raven after the greenhouse since they now have a bit of shared trauma especially in the fact anastasia favored to torture both of them.

- still sucks at driving even after h.i.v.e.

- after h.i.v.e. laura goes and lives with her family for a month back in scotland. they talk about h.i.v.e., shelby and her other friends, whats been happening here, and other general catching up topics. mary (mrs. brand) takes a special interest in meeting otto and laura reminds her mom every day not to make a big deal about it. yet she still counts down the days until she gets to meet her daughter’s boyfriend.

otto

- gets very frustrated when he can’t grasp certain concepts or master specific skills. he is known as the boy genius after all.

- went through an edgy phase while at h.i.v.e. not emo, but he would throw in more hurtful quips towards shelby during their usually playful spits and his jokes were just a little too dark. otto got a lot more detentions during this time and even the thought of trying to escape again reoccurred in his mind. he eventually noticed how wing was not a fan of it and slammed the breaks. of course everyone still makes fun of him for it.

- if you don’t think otto wouldn’t cry at the sight of his newborn child/ren then um...you’re wrong

- he looks back on his little prime minister scheme with pride and cringes terribly at it. on one hand, it was his beginnings and the device he made not only worked but was something like no other. and then he remembers how he made the prime minister moon everyone. when he was younger it was hilarious, now that he’s a tad older otto hates the fact he did that. there is just something immature and lacking taste about the whole thing.

- lives in sweaters/jumpers. i know this one is random, but something about them just suits otto.

wing

- has a gentle singing voice. he only sings lullabies to his kids and if one of his friends needs it. besides that wing does not sing often. it’s always a treat when he does.

- wing is really scared to be a dad. the thought of being like his father is incredibly scary to him.

- i really can not see wing becoming a villain but an antihero, now that i can definitely see. his methods are immoral in the sense he is still technically a murder, but he only goes after truly evil corporations. like human trafficking kind of evil.

- he teaches his kid/s self-defense and martial arts.

- trilingual and speaks english, japanese, and mandarin. the first two are canon to the story but i feel like his parents probably would have taught him at least some mandarin.

shelby

- shelby hated how laura would stay up for hours in the night tapping away on her computer. however when she moved out, it seemed weird not to fall asleep to the sound of a typing keyboard.

- if there is a h.i.v.e. gymnastics team/program (since there is a water polo team) shelby would totally do it. she waves to her friends before her round and even sometimes blows a kiss to her supportive boyfriend who is always there to see her.

- after h.i.v.e. she pursues gymnastics professionally. it provides the same wealth she was used to back with her parents, she likes to do it, but most importantly it’s an amazing cover up for why she’s traveling so many places around the world. (to steal of course) it also funds these trips and gives her, and wing for that matter, a great public image. plus she likes the spotlight a bit.

- i’ve said this before but shelby eventually gets lessons from raven. i just love this idea with my whole heart especially because how different these two are.

- had a bit of affluenza before h.i.v.e. which played into her desire for stealing diamonds along with her crappy parents. (my theory on shelb’s parents is right here)

laura and otto

- otto adores laura’s piano playing. there is something peaceful about it to him which he finds really comforting.

- they go to university together in scotland and help each other get through it. the two live in an apartment together go to school then see each other after classes at home.

- laura has some zero ptsd and it occasionally effects her relationship with otto in the sense she gets flashbacks and is genuinely scared. otto completely understands this though and is super patient with her. obviously it bothers him since he’s not zero, but he understands why she’s experiencing this and loves her enough to put his annoyance aside for her.

- these two wanted their kids’ names to be after someone. so if they would ever have a daughter her name would be lucy and the middle name of their son would be wing. laura wanted to include shelby but it just didn’t fit anywhere.

- if otto can’t find a shirt, then laura is wearing it. she wears his clothes super frequently and he won’t complain. she looks cute :,)

laura and shelby

- shelby likes things to look pretty, so she ends up being the one that keeps their room tidy, makes the beds, and other cleanly stuff like that. especially when they live together outside of h.i.v.e. she does the dishes pretty often, keeps their room looking nice, and stocks their fridge. laura is messy, but it doesn’t effect her much cause shelbs takes care of it. she doesn’t mind and only teases laura when people are over to embarrass her (all in good fun).

- laura doesn’t like girly things (we been knew). shelby tried for a while to get her into these things and a few stick on: nail polish, very light make up, and shopping. but never and i mean never would shelby make laura do something she didn’t want to. of course laura introduces shelby to her more geeky/nerdy stuff. they watch superhero shows together, shelbs has a black widow t-shirt in her closet now, and even some basic hacking codes.

- laura didn’t like shelby at first not only because of her nasty personality, but because she was a lot like the girls who would talk about laura behind her back.

- basically canon, but shelby was the number one ottra shipper. she had been rooting for them since day one of h.i.v.e. laura comes to her for advice with otto and shelby consoles her when lucy and otto get together. they both were disappointed the two didn’t get together.

- laura is really good at baking and shelby asks her once to help her bake something for wing. (she was really trying y’all) long story short, even laura couldn’t help shelby’s terrible baking skills and they set off the fire alarms in their apartment along with the sprinklers.

wing and otto

- otto wanted to do one of wing’s workouts despite his best friends many warnings it would be rough. it was safe to say otto underestimated the intensity of the workout.

- oh god the scene where these two will eventually leave each other to go move on past h.i.v.e. is just absolutely gut wrenching. they both acknowledge how the other had such an influence on their lives and hope to see them prosper in life. honestly this is like a rare moment where i can see wing legitimately crying.

- so we all know how wing has half the overlord protocol necklace (he has yang) if shelby doesn’t get the yin half then otto should because he kinda fits the yin meaning and is best bros with wing.

- for wing’s “bachelor party” they honestly just get all the guys from h.i.v.e. together and hang out for a couple hours. after, however, he and otto go out and go have some fun doing morally gray criminal activity.

- they still sometimes speak in japanese to each other on missions and stuff or if they need to plan something without anyone else knowing.

shelby and wing

- they move permanently to america, but visit china and japan quite frequently.

- one of the first things shelby does after she and wing get out of h.i.v.e. is watch a bunch of disney movies and american movie classics so he can understand the pop culture references she has been making for the past five years.

- i totally think shelby gets the other half over otto, or at least a replica. there’s kinda set up for this as well, the other half (yin) is known as the feminine half.

- if they would ever have a daughter her name would be mei or raven.

- she always knows exactly what to get him as a gift or even just in general. she’s observant and can pick up on what he needs before he does. wing has mentioned before shelby is a little...less predictable but he tries his hardest and oh my goodness does shelby appreciate his efforts. of course it irritates her, but she knows her slightly emotionally-unavailable boyfriend is trying an insane amount to sort through her emotions right.

shelby and otto

- they totally bond over how wing is great, but have an urge to smother him in his sleep because of the obnoxiously loud snoring

- menaces to the public when these two are together. i couldn’t even begin to tell you all the crafty things that would conspire between these two. pranking teachers, seeing who can steal the answers first, racing in stealth or in fitness classes. (wing beats both of them in combat/fitness so their efforts are often pointless)

- when they first came to h.i.v.e. shelby was taller than otto, by quite a margin too. she teased him into another galaxy about it. so when the day came that otto was officially taller than her, she mourned the countless jokes that could no longer be made.

- asks a lot of those “wait who logically thought to make butter?” questions. they also argue whether these people were geniuses or a new level of stupid. (seriously who thought to mix together milk until it gets to a solid consistency and then eat it?)

- they have to live together for one month after h.i.v.e. in the beginning, they like wanted to choke each other, but by the end of the month they were upset to not live with each other any more. (fic is dropping soon 🙈)

wing and laura

- after the greenhouse incident, laura went to wing asking him to teach her some martial arts since she felt really weak physically while in there. he doesn’t initially think it’s the best idea, but laura convinces him it will be okay.

- they’re a lot better friends then people would initially think. she hugged him like twice in the first book alone and is grateful for him saving her life. laura and wing seem like the two that just relax with each other. no shenanigans, no combat, honestly just vibing. they drink tea and watch murder mystery shows while catching up on the latest things and theorizing about the show.

- the entire gang goes to tokyo all together at one point in their life. laura and wing go to all the historical places in the city and chat about them for hours.

- they go on hikes together. that’s it. i’m right and you know it.

- i always imagined at least once wing decided to try and take the high road instead of cheating by asking laura to tutor him. it worked pretty well for him and now whenever he needs help with work, he just goes to laura and they work through it together.

#h.i.v.e.#hive #laura brand #otto malpense #wing fanchu #shelby trinity #laura x otto #ottra #otto x laura #wing x shelby #shelby x wing #winglby #hive headcanons #wow this is a long post #sorry i just really adore these guys #stay tuned for the other alpha kids #and maybe nero and raven?

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bloody-cute-yandere · 3 years

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Hello I have written a dissertation about a phrase I hate

Two Wrongs Don’t Make a Right?

So I guess to start off this train of thought, I should explain what started it. I love listening to commentary channels on YouTube. They ARE my reality TV, except they seem to cover more important topics. One of the commentary channels I follow is CreepShow Art. I have listened to her videos for quite some time, and while she doesn’t show as much by way of scientific or empirical evidence in her videos, I do feel she is a pretty credible source because she does reference public posts as evidence for her claims, and a lot of what she talks about is readily fact-checkable. Over the past few weeks Creepshow has made a few videos about another youtuber Without A Crystal Ball (who I will abbreviate to WACB for brevity), who is another commentary channel that allegedly has questionable research tactics and reporting skills. She also is prone to being defensive and seems to have the mindset of “any criticism is hate”. Creepshow made a video first about how WACB had dug around in an inappropriate way to gain information about Tati Westbrook and then reported her findings in a more skewed way, which ended up painting Tati in potentially an unfairly negative light. WACB responded….. badly to the criticism she received from Creepshow and other channels that criticized her. She, among other things, went onto a livestream of another channel and doxed Creepshow in the chat. Also, potentially unrelated but someone has allegedly been repeatedly attempting to hack Creepshow’s social media platforms, along with several others that criticized WACB’s behavior. WACB also sent an email to Creepshow where she insinuated that Youtube itself was pushing the entire conflict between the two of them to be handled privately, but were watching the issue at hand. Creepshow responded by showing the email to her audience, which did include showing the email WACB used to reach out to Creepshow. WACB became upset that she had been “doxed” by Creepshow (though it is worth noting that the exposed email address in question happens to be attached to all of her social medias, and not any private information).

During WACB’s most recent response to being “doxed” she used the idiom “Two wrongs don’t make a right”, and I have been stewing on that particular idiom ever since. I’m sure that isn’t an unfamiliar phrase for most people reading this, but for those that haven’t heard it before, it runs akin to the idea of not stooping to someone else’s level when in an argument. The idea is that if someone hurts you then you should be the bigger person and not react in a bad way, because that won’t help the situation become resolved. To a certain extent I believe this idea is absolutely correct; if you want to resolve a situation with another person, you don’t want to make the situation worse by lashing out if they’ve done something to you that is hurtful, because then you just have more hurt feelings you have to resolve in the process of moving forward. However, this idea also hinges upon two crucial truths that must exist in order for it to apply. One: that the two people involved in a disagreement must or want to resolve the conflict at all, and two: that the first offense is not an act done with malicious or cold-hearted intent. It also depends on a moral compass that is entirely determined by outside influences as opposed to an internal value system.

The first assumption “two wrongs don’t make a right” depends on is the idea that both party members do actually want to resolve their current disagreement. If the two people in the middle of an argument are emotionally close (or tied together in other ways) and no one in the situation wants to (or can’t) cut ties with the other person, I would say that this assumption is valid. In the case of Creepshow and WACB, however, this is not the case. According to Creepshow they don’t know eachother. Speaking frankly, this means that there is no relationship that needs to be protected. One could argue a necessity for professional courtesy seeing as how they share the same platform and roughly the same content ideas, however the Youtube platform is so vast already that two single small to moderately sized channels having a feud shouldn’t in any real sense have any effect on the other’s job. In a more general sense, if person A cases a fight with a person they don’t know very well or don’t interact with much, there is no social consequence if person B stoops down to person A’s level (whether or not there are legal repercussions is a separate issue). Neither person A nor person B will have any sort of ripples in their own separate circles as a direct result of the negative exchange because their individual social groups will be biased to agree with their persons’ interpretation of the events. The social distance will also save person A and person B from any future unpleasantness through the mere virtue of anonymity.

A similar argument can be made for people who have no interest in maintaining a relationship they had previously had with each other; even people who had been previously close to eachother can decide to break contact with each other over egregious offenses. In these cases, there is less care about whether you’re behaving in a “good” way because you have no investment in the relationship progressing. In either scenario, it doesn’t matter if you stoop low in an argument if you’re willing to accept the consequences of that behavior, or if there won’t be any appreciable consequences for that behavior.

The second truth that “two wrongs don’t make a right” depends on is that the first offense is not a heinous vindictive one. For example, Doxing. Doxing is the illegal spread of personal information to the public. The act of doxing can leave the victim severely vulnerable to more violent crimes such as stalking, theft/ mugging, rape and murder because their location or other personal information is now known to people that may be willing to cause them physical harm. It’s a dangerous and illegal act. Other potential heinous actions from person A include any other illegal activity (such as assault or other forms of violence, theft) or can be something that technically isn’t illegal but is a severe breaching of boundaries or someone’s own comfort level. If you know someone personally you probably know things that would really upset them, and the act of going through and performing those actions KNOWING that they will be upsetting to your victim is cold-hearted and cruel. At that point in a disagreement, person A isn’t trying to resolve a problem, they are simply lashing out with the sole purpose of destruction. That is not constructive, nor is it ok. In these cases such as these there’s a high likelihood that person B will no longer want to associate with person A if they originally did. example: I knew a person a long time ago that was TERRIFIED of gnomes. They hated them. So, what would happen if at some point this person and I got into a disagreement and I decided to give her a garden gnome as a present? It wouldn’t be illegal by any stretch; it’s a gift. However, it’s a gift that the person would have HATED, and I would have known that. Between them and I it would have been a declaration of war, not a peace-making offer. Furthermore, it would have been proof that I was willing to use this person’s personal deep fears that they confided in me out of trust against them; even if our relationship survived the original disagreement it would probably never be the same. Who, in that case, could really blame this person if they responded in kind? It would be a human response and, in a way, I would absolutely have deserved it because I had breached her trust in an unforgivable way.

At risk of this becoming a dissertation, I happen to especially dislike the idea of the person who committed sleight A being the person to scream “two wrongs don’t make a right” after person B responds to them in the way that WACB responded to Creepshow. To me, that seems like person A is trying to put themselves on a pedestal of superiority, despite the fact that they hurt person B first. “I know what I did was wrong, but you’re not supposed to hurt me back! Two wrongs don’t make a right!” Person A is just trying to avoid consequences for their actions at that point. Because really, what happened to “treat others the way you want to be treated?” I know this begins to sound victim-blamey, but what right does a person have to be upset for (not really) being doxed after they knowingly decided to dox someone else? They’ve already shown that doxing is definitely something they’re ok with, so if they’re going to argue that the original doxing wasn’t a big deal, why is it suddenly a big enough deal to them now that they are the victim of it? I hate hypocrisy like that.

My final note on “two wrongs don’t make a right” is that the entire phrase depends on each person in the disagreement depending on an external source for their moral compass as opposed to having their own internal value system. Morality is, overall, an incredibly gray concept in any society. It is informed by each person’s individual moral ideals which can come from religion, family values, upbringing, influences from social idols and more. Even universal truths like “murder is wrong” become smudged quickly when ideas about self-defense are considered (which becomes even murkier when you begin to question what sorts of actions require “self-defense”). This means that there can be vastly different views about what is and is not ok about any particular topic within one society. There will also be some people that have a very strong internal moral compass within that society, and some people that depend more on the community to act as their compass. If a person who uses an internal moral compass to guide themselves, then they will behave in a manner that falls in line with that compass regardless of how their peers may respond. If, however, a person does not have a strong internal moral compass, their behavior will be largely influenced by those around them because they depend on that social structure to guide their behavior. For someone that has a strong internal compass that they rely on, the idea that “two wrongs don’t make a right” probably won’t have much value to them, because their morality is already determined regardless of what the people around them may say. If person A does x to them, then person B’s moral sense will determine what is and is not ok to respond with, and whether others say that response is right or wrong is irrelevant because they already believed they are justified in whatever response they had. For a person that relies more heavily on their peers for their moral compass, however, “two wrongs don’t make a right” might sort of work as an appropriate guide because it comes from an external place to encourage what socially would be considered “good” behavior, though that itself then depends on what is considered “right” and “wrong” by the surrounding populace, which has already been established to be a bit of a crap shoot.

Overall (and I cannot stress this enough), I don’t believe that a disagreement of any sort should come with responses like doxing or assault or theft or a breach of trust like the examples I gave above. I believe that all people should strive to be better and act with dignity. I always try to act as though everything I do will be posted online for the world to see, and if I wouldn’t want to receive the backlash I could get for a particular action then I tend to not do that thing in the first place. I also believe that hypocrisy is one of the more disgusting personality traits someone can have. If someone doxes another person, clearly they believe that doxing is a justifiable action, and to then have that person be upset when someone behaved in the same “correct” way (As far as person A has shown of their moral values), that is just plain gross. Don’t do to other people what you wouldn’t want done to you, and also don’t be surprised if you’re not the only person willing and capable of lashing out at your level if you decide to stoop low. If you don’t want to give someone else a pass, then don’t deign to believe that you deserve some kind of special allowance to stomp all over others.

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digitalbounce-digitalsound · 4 years

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My in-depth analysis of why I left the Kpop fandom.

Please be aware, this may touch on sensitive topics.

As most of my followers may know, I have been in the Kpop fandom for many years (Since 2006 to be exact) which means I have seen a lot, A LOT, of shit. I have had nearly my entire life controlled by Kpop and by about 2010 I completely moved away from more normal music.

Since I started secondary school I was bullied for my taste in music, I never thought anything of it because as I still believe, music is music and nothing is wrong with safe creative influence and inspiration. But the thing was, this music, this fandom had me so deluded and so removed from myself that I didn't see it was destroying me, inside and out.

After I was in the fandom for around 4 years, I was getting more and more obsessed with kpop, keeping track of the idols, watching their MV's obsessively, hoarding albums and putting up high defences for when someone made fun of them. Up until 2019 when I dropped the fandom completely, I managed to spend over £4000 on Kpop merch, be it albums, clothing, food, concerts. It was bad and a huge waste of money.

The Kpop fandom is a toxic place to be with people constantly pushing you to like certain groups, with battles around which fandom is better, which group is better between fans. Fans will discriminate against you for the way you look, the way you dress. If you don’t meet their standards they will find a way to push you away. They are all entitled and many think that stalking and giving idols zero personal space is perfectly acceptable.

Kpop music has no real meaning to it and is completely lacking when it comes down to personal messages (Bar the ones that have been self-written by the idols themselves) Kpop is just as bland and emotionless as the people that listen to it as the fans attach meanings to the songs where there are none. They don’t see that all of the music is extremely generic about money, women, men, being in a relationship and looking perfect. It is extremely sexist, concreted in gender binaries that make quite literally no sense and don’t have any soul behind them.

I guarantee that many if not all the idols that don’t write their own material, hate their songs with a passion but have to put up a plastic perfect mask to hide it. There have been so many horrible things that happen inside the genre that fans just ignore. Pretend don’t happen and it is horrible.

Because of Kpop I ended up becoming disgusted with myself, Kpop made me see flaws that weren't there, it made me want to look "Just like my idols". The impossibly thin, obviously unhealthy idols, and I did, gaining body dysmorphia and an eating disorder to boot. It led to me becoming extremely unhealthy, I would barely eat and listen too much at the insults thrown my way which did nothing but make me more self-conscious.

The constant struggle between wanting to look pretty and not wanting to kill myself was extremely difficult to deal with. Kpop made me shy, it made me reserved and not want to talk. It made me aim for dreams in the wrong way. I wanted to become a translator since I was very small so that I could help governments converse with each other and maybe help countries understand each other. That dream was changed with a want to become a translator to "Translate for my oppas" and become a concert translator or a TV show translator. I want to do seamstress work on the side, originally I wanted to do it to make costumes for Broadway productions, maybe cosplay for characters as well. That dream too, was ruined by Kpop. Making me want to do seamstress work to make stage outfits for my "Oppas and Eonnies."

All of my dreams have been ruined by Kpop, my body too. To this day I still get confused about why I am doing certain things or why I am eating this or that because it will make me fat.

Because of the constant barrage of hate coming from my own brain, my own friends (Who consequently ended up liking Kpop), from my own family and people who I thought was close to me. I ended up thinking that the only way to escape from all of the hate was to kill myself. I became suicidal, I hated myself, I have scarred my leg so badly that I am scared to wear shorts. I constantly wore long sleeves to cover the marks on my arms, I turned in on myself and became scared to talk to people incase they bullied me or shouted at me. I grew more dependant on Kpop and I'm not proud to admit it but I ended up fetishizing Asian people, it was not a good time in my life, I felt like I could change my life, marry someone who could give me child on the inside of Kpop, it was disgusting but at the time, I didn't see it.

I had no one to openly talk to about what I was going through, nowhere to go but down at the time. I ended up doing performing arts at college, hoping that I could be recruited by an agency and meet my idols, be my idols, I thought I could get somewhere with performance. It helped, but not in the way I would have expected. I became more confident and even though I was still being bullied for my likes, bullied for things that happened in school, I continued. I kept at performance. started liking more Japanese Pop/Rock, I listened to my struggling brain instead of my aching obsessed heart and it led me to become friends with C.

She is into Kpop like me, she understood what I wanted, she understood the Asian fever, we became close friends, close friends very quickly. She lived near to me at the time and would invite me over for Kpop sessions, to have fun making Korean food, singing along to Kpop songs, to learn Korean together. At the time, I thought it was brilliant to have someone like me around but low and behold, I didn't see what she was doing to me in the meantime. I didn't know that she was controlling me.

She kept me interested with stories of becoming a teacher, this would have been the perfect way into Korea. It made so much sense, if I became a teacher I could get into Korea and live in the same place as them. Now and then I would get a small spark of realisation that C was not listening, that she didn't care about anyone but herself but I still ignored it. After I finished my Dance BTEC I decided to work for a while, gain money before looking more into becoming a teacher.

Something that you should know about me is that I am a very dependant person. Due to years of being bullied and shouted at, being constantly told I'm wrong and stupid, I rely on other people to know when I have done good, to know when I can celebrate without it coming off as me getting excited over something insignificant. I rely a lot on other people for my happiness. Emotion isn't my strong-suit so I have to surround myself with happy people who can help me see that I am a good person, who can help me with how to display emotion in a normal way.

C did not seem to realise this throughout our whole friendship and would never try to help when my emotional state started dropping, she wouldn't help me understand what the correct amount of emotion is, what grade is good and what isn't. We started a higher education course together, C basically clinging to me but my dependant ass didn't notice and clung back since she was the only other person who liked Kpop that I knew. During the course I had time to think about what I actually wanted to do. Being part of the English literature course made me remember my dream of translation, in the psychology course I learned more about myself, about how my anxiety works, how my manic depression effects my state of mind. I learned about so many different and interesting things that my brain started to click, I started to realise that I didn't like Kpop, I was obsessed with it.

I was obsessed and infatuated, Kpop was my unhealthy coping method which I didn't see. Kpop was the thing that was hurting me the most. At this time, I was still unable to let go. I still couldn't stop myself. When we applied to Universities somewhere in the back of my head my brain was telling me to apply for another course, and I did. whilst C applied for teaching courses and Korean I applied for nearly entirely teaching and Korean courses but snuck in an application for Japanese and International Business.

I felt like I had to sneak at that point because of her becoming overbearing and controlling, making me feel like the only place I could be was right behind her, following her the whole time.

In some fucked twist of fate me and her got into the same university, her on a Korean and tesol course and me on Japanese and Int Business. The small light in the back of my head was still telling me that it was still twisted, that I should not be how I am. That obsessing over Kpop isn't right but I still didn't listen, thinking that Kpop was the right place to be.

I should have seen what she was doing to me when she came to my Bass Practice at one point and heard me play only to weeks later suggest I don’t bring my Bass to Uni as it would “Distract me” yet she brought her PlayStation. She also tried to deter me away from normal music both at the time and during my time around her at University.

Now, I would never try to fully get rid of that time in my life, I would much rather just ignore it as I made many great friends through Kpop (C not being one of them) and I had a lot of fun at the concerts I went to.

Funnily enough, it was religion that actually jogged me out of this freakstorm called Kpop. I always understood the idea of a higher power, of something more than chemicals but less than a "god" It ended up with me finding Satanism (Laveyan) I realised that Religion is only as powerful as you make it. Obsessions, whilst good, are bad in large quantities, you must indulge yourself but too much indulgence leads to greed which is exactly what happened to me. I got too greedy and neglected the rest of my life.

It started small, I would listen to more heavy metal (thinks like Rammstein and Slipknot) and would practice bass more, listen to Kpop less and work on my course and my grades. Of course this slightly strained my friendship with C, I still listened to Kpop, went to the events at the uni, had a fun time at most of them. It wasn't until mid-year that I started seeing the error of my ways.

We went to another Kpop club night that was part of the uni. Because I was getting more used to normal music I could see people staring more, glancing at us with disgust because we knew older songs, because I wouldn't dance for certain groups. It was a small wakeup call, the feeling of being judged and bullied yet again by people nearing on 3 years younger than me was just a pain.

C had pointed a guy out to us during first year, his name is David, he is Korean and was a little bit of an ass (which was understandable due to the amount of Koreaboos he has had to deal with) I did think he was cute, he was a nice guy, liked music I liked but I was not attracted to him (Like I would have been when I was under that disgusting influence) so I just wanted to be his friend.

It started kicking off one night when C got upset over a what David thought was a joke, they both argued and shouted, I ended up as a go between, figuring out what happened, defending C and stopping David from hurting anyone. C took this as me taking David's side, proceeded to not listen to me, make me upset and with my horrible control over emotions, I started having a panic attack whilst shouting at her. She hugged me during my panic attack (A big no no because she was restraining me and giving me physical contact which I hate. Which she should have known being friends with me for 6 years) that made me pass-out, hit my head and get sent to the hospital with a concussion.

I had to pretend it wasn't her fault even though it killed me to do so. During my night in the hospital she managed to make it about her which really upset me. I ended up hanging around with my classmate/friend M after that. M was nice, she listened to me, her and E helped me realise that Kpop isn't all it's set up to be.

After that it went down hill with argues popping up a lot and for me, no escape since we lived together. I started getting disgusted by the Kpop nights with how obsessive and OTT the Kpop fans were, how horrible they were too. It all snapped one day when I just got my results back for an essay which I got a 1st in, I was over the moon but yet again, didn't know if it was good or not. When I showed people for confirmation that I could be happy I was met with jealous but very happy responses apart from C. The one person who was basically my jailer, who told me when it was okay to be happy or not, she responded with "Oh that's alright then I guess." and brushed it off like it was nothing.

It was then that it hit me she has been manipulating me for years, not giving me any real emotions to show. We were friends for 6 years and at that moment, all of the times she brushed me off or never let me talk, talked over me to speak about herself, it all came back. I was so disgusted and upset that I just stopped talking to her, I was too angry to talk to her and was worried that I may hurt her if I do talk.

She took offence to my silence and called me names, tried to force me to talk to her (Which is also bad because I do not react well to forced confrontation and most of the time lash out both physically and verbally) so I kept ignoring her to the point I felt too threatened to leave my room. It was horrible. I wasn't until she sent me a message telling me to act like an adult that I flipped.

No one, and I mean no one, calls me childish and gets away with it. That is the number 1 way to piss me off and get me to immediately cut ties.

I put in an application to move with the Uni due to being under threat and feeling unsafe. They moved me the next day. Whilst She was still in the flat, she didn't even notice me moving out. I was so disgusted with that.

After that, I met my new flatmates, none of them liked Kpop, they introduced me to nice music, better music which actually made me feel good, not infatuated. Happy. I could talk to them more about normal things. because of the lack of the obsession, my grades went up, I started making friends easier, my confidence went up.

After getting back into normal music, i started to realise how low-quality Kpop actually is. How disgustingly gendered it is and how sexist it is. Kpop ruined me but normal music made me realise who I am and how to become that person I always wished I was.

The only music I strictly don't listen to now is Rap, Kpop and Top-Chart Pop music.

Currently, I am a university student working towards my dream of becoming a government translator. I have prospects to work in Japan after I graduate and I am absolutely ecstatic about that. I cut out so many bad friends and managed to make myself feel more human again just by getting rid of a single music taste from my life.

-Killian.

(If you’re going to spam me with hate and try to whine about how “Not all Kpop fans are like that” or “Kpop isn’t bad, you’re just stupid” and shit like that then you are just proving my point. If you come at me with a valid argument and actual valid points, I will explain my opinions and my side of the argument.)

BASICALLY, TREAT ME HOW YOU WANT TO BE TREATED.

Don’t be an asshole because I will just be an asshole back.

#personal #friends #fake friends #kpop #toxic friendship #toxic fandom #toxic music #Korean pop #koreaboo #music

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harrisonfletcherqut · 4 years

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Week 10 - Assignment 3 Development Progress

Supermarket Slugger is wheeling its way into a very playable state. I’ll break this post down into a few sections to show where the game is at.

Art / Visuals

I’ll talk art first since it’s what has been worked on the most so far. This week I’ve been hard at work making assets for the game, mostly environmental props. The layout isn’t finalised but here is how the new environment is looking so far:

Obviously, the map is much bigger, but there are the same amount of enemy spawns and overall, the environment is a similar layout to what was in the first version, just larger and far better looking. I don’t have a comprehensive list of all assets and props planned but I do have plenty of potential ideas. Here’s a few:

Butcher / meat section

Slurpee machine

A shorter fridge with the door on the top. I have no idea what that’s actually called.

Plants and floor signs

Signs for naming different sections of the map, hanging from the ceiling (this would need some kind of slight parallax effect to look natural)

A display for Dingles’ Chips, where all the cans are sold out.

So far I have an entry gate but I’m planning on an exit gate as well and will have these open up when enemies walk through them.

A shopping cart section.

In the development post for the first version of the game I talked about the issue with using characters with a different view angle than the environment. As can be seen in the image I’ve decided that the new environment won’t have props with half the traditional angle and half a bird’s eye view. I do want to update the player and enemies with better sprites that fit the environment but that is a big undertaking and will likely take the same amount of time as all the environment props.

Gameplay & Design

So far, I haven’t gone too deep into extra ideas and have mostly focused on fixing what was already in the game and implementing features that I had already planned but missed last time. There are also little tweaks to gameplay here and there that I would just implement as I thought of them since they were easy. For example, I made it that the shopping cart enemy can actually kill the normal enemies when they plow through the level. Going from first thought to implementing it took about a minute or two and simple changes like that all together go a long way to making the game play better.

There is one feature that was not planned for the original game that I now feel will be a necessary addition – a third enemy. So far only two enemies exist, and one of them is only seen on screen for a maximum of three or four seconds. To me it became somewhat boring to play with only one main enemy and I feel after a minute or so of game time the player should be surprised with a boss type enemy to throw down with. I’ve decided that this should be a larger enemy that throws bits and pieces of garbage and empty boxes and cans at you.

In my opinion the most important thing right now (apart from the swing mechanic) is the new environment. The old environment gets boring FAST and I wanted to ensure the new level was large enough to not get bored of so quickly. To go along with the new environment, I’ve zoomed in the camera to move with the player and stop at the map boundaries. In the original game I had no idea how to implement this since I had everything on different layers and introducing a moving camera broke everything. I found out that I was implementing this completely wrong and that everything in the environment should be on the same layer, just with different Z-orders to move them behind and in front of each other. Already I think this has made a huge difference in gameplay feel. It also brings anew challenge in that the player can’t see everything on the map at once, and is more inclined to move around the map.

Bugs and Issues

One issue that still hasn’t been fixed is the pathfinding for enemies. The reason enemies get stuck on objects frequently is because there’s nothing telling them to navigate around, only a collision detection to stop them from walking through an object. Something I didn’t actually notice until recently was the pathfinding behaviour tools in GDevelop. Tom is looking into this soon and will implement it if it works. For the previously mentioned swing mechanic, the only things I’ve done to try and fix this was simply doubling the size of the swing hitbox and making it more forgiving when facing multiple enemies. So far, the system is actually identical to the system that fires chips out of the can. A large invisible square is spawned on the left click and moves forward for about a second until a timer runs out and deletes it. Originally the box would delete when in contact with an enemy, but this became a problem when facing multiple enemies, as the box could only take out one at a time. Changing these simple elements made the swing mechanic far more responsive but unfortunately, it’s still too difficult to use in game effectively. I don’t actually know what the problem is with this, as in my head it SHOULD be working perfectly. Sometimes the mechanic works well, other times it fails completely and gets the player killed. Tom had a look at this but also could not figure out the problem. Once again this is a major entry on the priorities list.

There was also an unintentional “feature” of the original game where you could shoot and swing at the same time essentially making you an unstoppable killing machine to anything in front of you. I wasn’t even aware of this until Tom played the game, and I likely never would have attempted it which does show the value of playtests and the things they can reveal. Tom went ahead and fixed this issue and cleaned up the spaghetti platter that was my event system.

Goals for Next Week

The update I plan to have finished by next week is big and is a major improvement over the original game. So far, I think I’m on track to finish it before playtesting starts. About half of the environment props still need to be made, and many more features need to be implemented.

Thoughts On the Textbook and Influence

The most influential element the textbook (Game Design Workshop by Tracy Fullerton) has had on the game is where I’ve been implementing risk vs reward mechanics. Mostly this has been with where powerups will spawn. There will be three locations for powerup spawns. The first of these being randomly around the map in the line of sight of the shopping carts. Secondly, the self serve section will have a powerup spawn regularly. This section is a small enclosed area with an enemy spawn inside of it, so its a dangerous risk to go, as the player will be able to get swarmed on both sides with no escape. Thirdly I’ve also decided that either the shopping carts or the un-made third enemy will drop a powerup on death. If the player wants to avoid these enemies, they can, but they’re risking losing out on a powerful reward and a significant increase in score points.

Another section of the textbook I’m taking a lot of inspiration from is the section on fun and accessibility (chapter 11). I’ve tried to keep controls as simple as possible, without adding any unnecessary complications. Another goal is that any player can very quickly pick up the game and understand it and have fun without needing to play for any significant amount of time. Though we haven’t had any official “blind” playtests yet I’ve tested it with a few friends who enjoyed it and found the game fun with just the right amount of challenge. If what we have so far is already fun then I’m confident the final product will turn out well in that regard.

References:

Fullerton, T. (2019) Game design workshop: a playcentric approach to creating innovative games. AK Peters/CRC Press.

#development

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warrioreowynofrohan · 4 years

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Stormlight Archive Epigraphs (7) - The Knights Radiant

These are from WOR Part 3 (excerpts from the in-universe book Words of Radiance) and Oathbringer Part 3 (gemstones used by the ancient Radiants to record their feelings and observations). Epigraphs will be organized by Radiant order or, when applicable, by topic.

I’ve included in the headings for the Radiant orders their associated gemstone, attributes, and Surges. For the non-obvious surges: Abrasion = Friction, Progression = Growth/Regrowth/Healing, Transformation = Soulcasting, Transportation = travelling to Shadesmar. I’m still not clear on Cohesion (Strong Axial Interconnection) and Tension (Soft Axial Interconnection).

Minor spoilers for the pre-released chapters of Words of Radiance.

This is a very long one!

Radiants Generally

They also, when they had settled their rulings in the nature of each bond’s placement, called the name of it the Nahel bond, with regard to its effect upon the souls of those caught in its grip; in this description, each was related to the bonds that drive Roshar itself, ten Surges, named in turn and two for each order; in this light, it can be seen that each order would by necessity share one Surge with each of its neighbors. (Chapter 8, page 6)

In short, if any presume Kazilah to be innocent, you must look at the facts and deny them in their entirety; to say that the Radiants were destitute of integrity for this execution of one of their own, one who had obviously fraternized with the unwholesome elements, indicates the most slothful of reasoning; for the enemy’s baleful influence demanded vigilance on all occasions, of war and peace. (Chapter 32, page 17)

Twenty-three cohorts followed behind, that came from the contributions of the King of Makabakam, for though the bond betwen man and spren was at times inexplicable, the ability for bonded spren to manifest in our world rather than their own grew stronger through the course of the oaths given. (Chapter 35, page 9)

Windrunners (Sapphire - Protecting/Leading - Gravitation/Adhesion)

Today, I leaped from the tower for the last time. I felt the wind dance around me as I fell all the way along the eastern side, past the tower, and to the foothills below. I’m going to miss that. (From drawer 10-1, sapphire [Windrunner])

My spren claims that this recording will be good for me, so here I go. Everyone says I will swear the Fourth Ideal soon, and in so doing, earn my armor. I simply don’t think that I can. Am I not supposed to want to help people? (From drawer 10-12, sapphire [Windrunner])

Skybreakers (Smokestone - Just/Confident - Gravitation/Division)

And thus were the disturbances in the Revv toparchy quieted, when, upon their ceasing to prosecute their civil dissensions, Nalan’Elin betook himself to finally accept the Skybreakers who had named him their master, when initially he had spurned their advances and, in his own interests, refused to countenance that which he deemed a pursuit of vanity and annoyance; this was the last of the Heralds to admit such patronage. (Chapter 5, page 17)

There came also sixteen of the order of Windrunners, and with them a considerable number of squires, and finding in that place the Skybreakers dividing the guilty from the innocent, there ensued a great debate. (Chapter 28, page 3)

The considerable abilities of the Skybreakers for making such amounted to an almost divine skill, for which no specific Surge or spren grants capacity, but however the order came to such an aptitude, the fact of it was real and acknowledged even by their rivals. (Chapter 28, page 3)

We can record any secret we wish, and leave it here? How do we know that they’ll be discovered? Well, I don’t care. Record that, then. (From drawer 2-3, smokestone [Skybreaker])

I wish to submit my formal protest at the idea of abandoning the tower. This is an extreme step, taken brashly. (From drawer 2-22, smokestone [Skybreaker])

This generation has had only one Bondsmith, and some blame the divisions among us upon this fact. The true problem is far deeper. I believe that Honor himself is changing. (From drawer 24-18, smokestone [Skybreaker])

Dustbringers (Ruby - Brave/Obedient - Division/Abrasion)

And when they were spoken of by the common folk, the Releasers claimed to be misjudged because of the dreadful nature of their power; and when they dealt with others, always were they firm in their claim that other epithets, notably “Dustbringers,” often heard in the common speech, were unacceptable substitutions, in particular for their similarity to the word “Voidbringers.” They did also exercise anger in great prejudice regarding it, though to many who speak, there was little difference between these two assemblies. (Chapter 17, page 11)

If this is to be permanent, then I wish to leave record of my husband and children. Wzmal, as good a man as any woman could dream of loving. Kmakra and Molinar, the true gemstones of my life. (From drawer 12-15, ruby [Dustbringer])

Good night, dear Urithiru. Good night, sweet Sibling. Good night, Radiants. (From drawer 29-29, ruby [Dustbringer])

The two gems are at variance with the Dustbringers’ dangerous reputation. This could just be intended to indicate that they are people and that excessive generalizations shouldn’t be made, or it could indicate something larger about the order.

Edgedancers (Diamond - Loving/Healing - Abrasion/Progression)

When Simol was informed of the arrival of the Edgedancers, a concealed consternation and terror, as is common in such cases, fell upon him; although they were not the most demanding of orders, their graceful, limber movements hid a deadliness that was, by this time, quite renowned; also, they were the most articulate and refined on the radiants. (Chapter 20, page 12)

“The most articulate and refined.” Again and always - poor Wyndle!

Truthwatchers (Emerald - Learned/Giving - Progression/Illumination)

Now, as the Truthwatchers were esoteric in nature, their order being formed entirely of those who never spoke or wrote of what they did, in this lies frustration for those who would see their unending secrecy from the outside; they were not naturally inclined to explanation; and in the case of Corberon’s disagreements, their silence was not a sign of an exceeding abundance of disdain, but rather an exceeding abundance of tact. (Chapter 11, page 6)

I worry about my fellow Truthwatchers. (From drawer 8-21, second emerald)

[Also see the post section “The Destruction of the Ancient Singers”]

Lightweavers (Garnet - Creative/Honest - Illumination/Transformation)

Yet, were the orders not disheartened by so great a defeat, for the Lightweavers provided spiritual sustenance; they were enticed by those glorious creations to venture on a second assault. (Chapter 21, page 10)

These Lightweavers, by no coincidence, included many who pursued the arts; namely: writers, artists, musicians, painters, sculptors. Considering the order’s general temperament, the tales of their strange and varied mnemonic abilities may have been embellished. (Chapter 21, page 10)

Malchin was stymied, for though he was inferior to none in the arts of war, he was not suitable for the Lightweavers; he wished for his oaths to be elementary and straightforward, and yet their spren were liberal, as to our comprehension, in definitions pertaining to this matter; the process involved speaking truths as an approach to a threshold of self-awareness that Malchin could never attain. (Chapter 12, page 21)

I am worried about the tower’s protections failing. If we are not safe from the Unmade here, then where? (From drawer 3-11, garnet [Lightweaver])

Elsecallers (Zircon - Wise/Careful - Transformation/Transportation)

As to the other orders that were inferior in this visiting of the far realm of spren, the Elsecallers were prodigiously benevolent, allowing others as auxiliary to their visits and interactions; though they did never relinquish their place as prime liaisons with the great ones of the spren; and the Lightweavers and Willshapers both also had a affinity to the same, though neither were the true masters of that realm. (Chapter 6, page 2)

My research into the cognitive reflections of spren at the tower has been deeply illustrative. Some thought that the Sibling had withdrawn from men by intent - but I find counter to that theory. (From drawer 1-1, first zircon [Elsecaller])

The wilting of plants and the general cooling of the air is disagreeable, yes, but some of the tower’s functions remain in place. The increased pressure, for example, persists. (From drawer 1-1, second zircon [Elsecaller])

Something is happening to the Sibling. I agree this is true, but the division among the Knights Radiant is not to blame. Our percieved worthiness is a separate issue. (From drawer 1-1, third zircon [Elsecaller])

As the duly appointed keepers of the perfect gems, we of the Elsecallers have taken the burden of protecting the ruby nicknamed Honor’s Drop. Let it be recorded. (From drawer 20-10, zircon)

Willshapers (Amethyst - Resolute/Builder - Transportation/Cohesion)

And now, if there was an uncut gem among the Radiants, it was the Willshapers; for though enterprising, they were erratic, and Invia wrote of them, “capricious, frustrating, unreliable,” as taking it for granted that others would agree; this may have been an intolerant view, as often Invia expressed, for this order was said to be the most varied, inconsistent in temperament save for a general love of adventure, novelty, or oddity. (Chapter 7, page 1)

I returned to the tower to find squabbling children, instead of proud knights. That’s why I hate this place. I’m going to go chart the hidden undersea caverns of Aimia; find my maps in Akinah. (From drawer 16-16, amethyst [Willshaper])

Now that we abandon the tower, can I finally admit that I hate this place? Too many rules. (From drawer 8-1, amethyst [Willshaper])

Well, the two gemstones certainly support the first text’s description of the Willshapers! An order whose fundamental ideas are about freedom and self-actualization (as seen in Venli’s chaper of ROW, and her project) will inherently be independent-minded and more varied than some of the others. The “love of adventure, novelty, or oddity” makes me think that Eshonai would have been a Willshaper as well, and now I’m sad about her death again.

Stonewards (Topaz - Dependable/Resourceful - Cohesion/Tension)

Now, as each order was thus matched to the nature and temperament of the Herald it named patron, there were none more archetypal of this than the Stonewards, who followed after Talenelat’Elin, Stonesinew, Herald of War: they thought it a point of virtue to exemplify resolve, strength, and dependability. Alas, they took less care for imprudent practice of their stubbornness, even in the face of proven error. (Chapter 13, page 1)

As a Stoneward, I spent my entire life looking to sacrifice myself. I secretly worry that this is the cowardly way. The easy way out. (From drawer 29-5, topaz)

The disagreements between the Skybreakers and the Windrunners have grown to tragic levels. I plead with any who hear this to recognize you are not so different as you think. (From drawer 27-19, topaz [Stoneward])

The Edgedancers are too busy relocating the tower’s servants and farmers to send a representative to record their thoughts in these gemstones. I’ll do it for them, then. They are the ones who will be most displaced by this decision. The Radiants will be taken in by nations, but what of all these people now without homes? (From drawer 4-17, second topaz [Stoneward])

The enemy makes another push toward Feverstone Keep. I wish we knew what it was that had them so interested in that area. Could they be intent on capturing Rall Elorim? (From drawer 19-2, third topaz [Stoneward])

Bondsmiths (Heliodor - Pious/Guiding - Adhesion/Tension)

But as for Ishi’Elin, his was the part most important at their inception; he readily understood the implication of Surges being granted to men, and caused organization to be thrust upon them; as having too great power, he let it be known that he would destroy each and every one, unless they agreed to be bound by precepts and laws. (Chapter 2, page 4)

But as for the Bondsmiths, they had members only three, which number was not uncommon for them; nor did they seek to increase this by great bounds, for during the times of Madasa, only one of their order was in continual accompaniment of Urithiru and its thrones. Their spren was understood to be specific, and to persuade them to grow to the magnitude of the other orders was seen as seditious. (Chapter 16, page 14)

The Destruction of the Ancient Singers

So Melishi retired to his tent, and resolved to destroy the Voidbringers upon the next day, but that night did present a different stratagem, related to the unique abilities of the Bondsmiths; and being hurried, he could make no specific account of his process; it was related to the very nature of the Heralds and their divine duties, an attribute the Bondsmiths alone could address. (Chapter 30, page 18)

Something must be done about the remnants of Odium’s forces. The parsh, as they are now called, continue their war with zeal, even without their masters from Damnation. (From drawer 30-20, first emerald [Truthwatcher])

A coalition has been formed among scholar Radiants. Our goal is to deny the enemy their supply of Voidlight; this will prevent their continuing transformations, and give us an edge in combat. (From drawer 30-20, second emerald [Truthwatcher])

Our revelation is fueled by the theory that the Unmade can perhaps be captured like ordinary spren. It would require a special prison. And Melishi. (From drawer 30-20, third emerald [Truthwatcher])

Ba-Ado-Mishram has somehow Connected with the parsh people, as Odium once did. She provides Voidlight and facilitates forms of power. Our strike team is going to imprison her. (From drawer 30-20, fourth emerald [Truthwatcher])

We are uncertain of the effect this will have on the parsh. At the very least, it should deny them forms of power. Melishi is confident, but Naze-daughter-Kuzodo warns of unintended side effects.(From drawer 30-20, fifth emerald [Truthwatcher])

Surely this will bring - at long last - the end to war that the Heralds promised us. (From drawer 30-20, final emerald [Truthwatcher])

Don’t tell anyone. I can’t say it. I must whisper. I foresaw this. (From drawer 30-20, a particularly small emerald [Truthwatcher])

The Recreance

Now, as the Windrunners were thus engaged, arose the event which has hitherto been referenced: namely, the discovery of some wicked thing of eminence, though whether it be some rogueries among the Radiants’ adherents or of some external origin, Avena would not suggest. (Chapter 38, page 6)

The “wicked thing of eminence” was the Eila Stele, which told that humans were the original Voidbringers and Singers the original inhabitants of Roshar, and that humans has destroyed their homeworld using the Surges.

That they responded immediately and with great consternation is undeniable, as these were primary among those who would forswear and abandon their oaths. The term Recreance was not then applied, but has since become a popular title by which this event is named. (Chapter 38, page 6)

This act of great villainy went beyond the impudence which had hitherto been ascribed to the orders; as the fighting was particularly intense at this time, many attributed this act to a sense of inherent betrayal; and after they withdrew, about two thousand made assault upon them, destroying much of the membership; but this was only nine of the ten, as one said they would not abandon their arms and flee, but instead entertained great subterfuge at the expense of the other nine. (Chapter 38, page 20)

This refers to the Recreance when the Radiants broke their oaths (while a conflict was ongoing) and abandoned their blades and armour. It sounds like they were subsequently attacked and killed by non-Radiants (some of whom would have had their blades and armour, now Shardblades and Shardplate). The Skybreakers were the order that continued in secret.

#the stormlight archive #brandon sanderson #epigraphs

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kathrynethegreat · 5 years

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@random-emerald-thoughts asked: Hello, hope you are doing well. I have to say I am beyond fascinated with your Hannibal Au and was wondering if you might divulge some extra info about what you imagine season 1 would entail...Basically, anything you’ve got.

Oh boy, do I have more info.

While I did not write full episodes, I do have a lot of details for them – some more than others. Season 1, and actually this whole series direction came about when I read Hannibal Rising for the second time. I wanted to see if I could use flashbacks from Hannibal Rising to run alongside the story I was telling. Since Rising has so much Japanese influence, I set the majority of season 1 in Japan to further bring that theme forward.

Below the cut is the following information:

Additional Information about each episode and the real crimes that inspired some of the stories

Artwork featured in each episode

A couple pieces of Fan Art that didn’t make the cut for the Season Rundowns.

Flashbacks featured in each episode

General Season Arcs / Information / Themes

General Clannibal info (Will they kill each other or kiss each other? Who knows?)

A full summary of the absolutely bonkers season 1 finale (scroooolll to the bottom)

These notes in some instances assume you have read the four novels. If you have questions pertaining to anything you’ve not read, let me know. The notes also sometimes specify how a scene may be viewed – because this is envisioned as a TV show and not a standard fan fic.

If anyone has questions about any of the below, want more info on season 1 or the other three seasons, just let me know and I’d be happy to provide. I’ve had all of this information sitting in my head for the last eight months, and I am glad to get it off my plate, as it were.

OVERVIEW

SEASON 1 SUMMARY | SEASON 1 DETAILS

SEASON 2 SUMMARY | SEASON 2 DETAILS

SEASON 3 SUMMARY | SEASON 3 DETAILS

SEASON 4 SUMMARY | SEASON 4 DETAILS

Season 1 General Notes / Arcs / Themes:

The main case Clarice is working on is the Gardner case, which spans all four seasons. However, in each individual episode, she is usually solving other cases along the way.

Hannibal Lecter's background will unfold to help us better understand his attachment to Clarice Starling. Over time we come to understand how they are the same.

Flashbacks with regard to Hannibal and his esteem for Lady Murasaki will run parallel to the episode’s events and hopefully mirror Hannibal’s feelings for Clarice Starling. All flashbacks in general try to mirror some element of the present-day story.

This season focuses heavily on Hannibal Lecter's background, with heavy flashbacks from Hannibal Rising, with the big reveal essentially being that Mischa was eaten. There are a few Silence of the Lambs flashbacks as well.

This season also focuses on the growing relationship between Hannibal Lecter and Clarice Starling. Precarious, with an undeniable attraction at its core.

Hannibal Lecter's affection for Hiroshi Soah's youngest child mirrors his affection for Mischa

Emphasis will be put on the effects of WWII, specifically on Japanese art and culture.

Please note this season takes place in 1990. No internet, no cell phones. Clarice Starling knows Lecter because she’s recently met him several times for the Buffalo Bill case – but our other characters have never seen him. American characters may have seen a photo in a newspaper, but would someone really remember? Characters in Japan would have heard of his name, but almost certainly would not have seen a photo. He would not have been front page news in Japan. For this reason, we must suspend our disbelief and assume even the F.B.I team (except for Clarice and Ardelia (who is not yet on Clarice’s team)) is pretty clueless that Dr.Fell is Hannibal Lecter. Plus, they simply aren’t looking for him…he’s not on their radar.

SEASON 1, EPISODE 1: The One-Eyed Dragon of Ōshu

DATE: April 1990 FLASHBACKS:

Hannibal - Short bursts of young Hannibal sheathing Date's sword

Hannibal - Short bursts of young Hannibal painting with his uncle

Hannibal - Short burst of young Hannibal seeing Murasaki in her bath

Clarice - Speaking with Hannibal Lecter at the Baltimore Asylum about The Flaying of Marsyas painting (broken into several different flashbacks)

ARTWORK FEATURED:

The Concert by Vermeer - Gardner Museum

The Rape of Europa by Titian - Gardner Museum

Storm of the Sea of Galilee by Rembrandt - Gardner Museum

Sheba by Robert Lecter - Murasaki's Estate Sale, Hiroshima, Japan

Starling on a Branch in the Japanese Style, Signed with Infinity in Eight Strokes, Hiroshima, Japan, Painted by Hannibal Lecter, but attributed to Robert Lecter - Murasaki's Estate Sale, Hiroshima, Japan

Armor of Date Masamune, and 3 of its 4 pieces of weaponry - Murasaki's Estate Sale, Hiroshima, Japan

Flaying of Marsyas by Titian - National Gallery, Washington D.C., USA

NOTES:

The title refers to Date Masamune’s nick name.

The episode opens with the Gardner Heist in Boston. We do not know the robbers. From their conversation, it is clear they have been hired by someone. We will not find out by whom until season four. They work quickly. One of the two men stops in the dining room to admire Titian's The Rape of Europa. "No." says the other robber, "He said he didn't want that one."

In Japan two men bid against one another for the armor of Date Masamune at the estate sale of the recently deceased Lady Murasaki. We are introduced to Dr.John Fell and Hiroshi Soah. Those who have not read the book will not yet know that Dr.Fell is Hannibal Lecter. Clarice’s The Silence of the Lambs flashbacks throughout the episode will show Clarice talking to Lecter, but the viewer will be standing inside of Lecter’s cell, looking at Clarice. We will only see Lecter’s shoulder. During Clarice’s last Silence of the Lambs flashback at the end of the episode, we finally switch views to see what she sees. We see inside Hannibal Lecter’s cell, and we realize that Dr.Fell and Dr.Lecter are the same person.

Both Dr.Fell and Hiroshi Soah bid on a piece by Robert Lecter. They both lose to someone over the phone. The viewer, Soah, nor Lecter knows who the anonymous bidder is. This will be revealed later in season four.

The Samurai armor comes complete with 3 of its 4 original weapons. Soah and Fell begin talking about the lost Tanto sword, and when Dr.Fell mentions he may be able to track it down, Soah is intrigued and understands that Fell means this may not be through entirely legal means. They quickly build a rapport, and ultimately Fell is hired by Soah to curate a new museum Soah is opening in Hiroshima.

Hiroshi was young when the bomb went off in the city, but he is still haunted by the war, and wants to create a world-class museum to showcase the culture of Japan, which Dr.Fell will help him with. In addition, Dr.Fell will work to track down the Tanto sword, as well as help to acquire pieces for Soah’s own private art collection – sometimes through legal means…sometimes not. Soah is aware Dr.Fell is a criminal with a decent background in art – but he has no clue he has hired Hannibal Lecter.

Clarice has a somewhat embarrassing meeting with Noble Pilcher's family. They are wealthy and educated and it is obvious that they look down on her. She is mortified. While she is more determined than ever to show that she has class, it is for her own self, not to fit in with his family, as she does not see her relationship with Pilcher as going anywhere. The incident is none the less formative.

Miranda Pilcher, Noble Pilcher's mother is the Curator at the National Gallery. While Clarice and Miranda are frosty at first, ultimately Clarice trusts her judgment in art and will begin going to her for art-related advice in the future. In Miranda, she sees the kind of well dressed, well educated, classy woman that she wants to be.

Miranda mentions over dinner that she helped negotiate the sale of The Fall of Phaeton by Rubens for the Gallery in January of 1990

Clarice is devastated when she is put onto the Gardner case instead of being able to join Behavioral Science. Paul Krendler is shown to clearly not be a member of her fan club. None the less, she starts to do what she can, going over old evidence and trying to look deeper into the situation than those on the case before her. They are expensive pieces of artwork - they were stolen by someone who appreciates them, and understands them. She knows in order to find the culprit, she too will need to learn to understand and appreciate these pieces too.

Clarice goes to visit the National Gallery to speak to Miranda and to see The Flaying of Marsyas. Miranda tells Clarice it is headed back to Czechoslovakia soon, but she is worried about the painting - she doesn't know if there will even be a Chzechosolovaia for it to return to. This begins a deeper conversation about art that will carry through all four seasons. Yes, museums are filled with stolen art from pillaged civilizations – but what about instances where art is put into museums for its safety? Where is the moral line? The show doesn’t aim to give answers – as there are no easy answers – but it will aim to show that the questions are complicated.

Miranda asks Clarice how she heard about the painting, and Clarice merely says "He told me to come to see it." Miranda understands that "he" means Lecter. Miranda does not ask further questions. She does, however, mention she was also trying to purchase a piece by Robert Lecter from Murasaki's estate over the phone several days before but was outbid. Clarice asks if there is any relation to Robert Lecter and Hannibal Lecter. Miranda says she is not sure, but this gives Clarice an idea of where Lecter might be, and she is the first to understand that he is not in South America, but perhaps in Asia.

An event happening in the background is the fact that Lithuanian independence was restored in March of 1990. A recent development that Hannibal Lecter would be following closely, and would be bringing up very strong feelings.

SEASON 1, EPISODE 2: A.A.Aaron

DATE: May 1990 FLASHBACKS:

Hannibal – Young Hannibal meeting Robert, Murasaki and Chiyoh

Hannibal – Young Hannibal awakes at night in the Chateau screaming. We know something terrible has happened to him, but we don’t yet know what.

Clarice - Hannibal in his cell in Baltimore, talking to Clarice about wanting to give her what she craves most - advancement.

ARTWORK FEATURED:

An Experiment on a Bird In An Air Pump, by Joseph Wright - Hanging behind Paul Krendler's desk

Ancient Chinese Gu, unknown artist - Gardner Museum

SUMMARY:

Hannibal Lecter leaves a clue for Clarice in the China Mail. He has seen that she is looking for the Gardner pieces, and he lets her know some information about the Chinese Gu that was stolen. He addresses Hannah, but does not sign his name, though Clarice pretty much figures it's him. She realizes her hunch that he is in Asia and not South America must have some merit to it.

Paul Krendler has never forgiven Clarice Starling for catching Buffalo Bill. Krendler made sure Clarice was put onto the Garnder case, knowing all evidence that could be found, had already been found. Clarice takes this opportunity to create the F.B.I.'s Art Crime Team, which can not only work on the Gardner case, but other important art cases as well. Clarice trying to make the best of a dead-end case, and actually make progress further enrages Krendler.

Clarice assembles her team – herself, plus four other agents. Clarice asks Miranda to help educate her and her team about the ins and outs of Art and Art History.

Hiroshi Soah is recently widowed with three daughters. He is a patron of the arts, and very generous - but also suspected to be very dangerous, and a possible Yakuza (Spoiler, he is). He owns a very successful motorcycle business that he started just after the war with his brothers. Both brothers died of mysterious causes. His sister-in-law, Chiyoh also recently windowed, has moved into his home to care for her nieces. She is suspicious of the sudden death of her husband and is fairly certain that Hiroshi had something to do with it. Chiyoh's husband was head of the Yakuza in Hiroshima, as well as the head of the board of the Motorcycle company. With his death, Hiroshi's position as head of the Yakuza and head of the company was assured. She meets Hannibal when Hiroshi hires him on as curator. She has not seen him in years - not since Hannibal and Murasaki put her onto a train in France years ago. She is vaguely aware of Hannibal's past, but since she has lived for years amongst the Yakuza, his crimes don't really phase her. Turning him in does nothing for her either - she chooses to wait and see if he might be of any use to her at some point. They were good friends once - so she confesses to him her suspicions about the death of her husband. He shares with her how things ended with Murasaki and she confesses that she knows and that she and Murasaki met again after she moved back to Hiroshima.

SEASON 1, EPISODE 3: Eternity in Eight Strokes

DATE: June 1990 FLASHBACKS:

Hannibal - Robert teaching Hannibal to paint

Hannibal - Murasaki teaching Hannibal Calligraphy, specifically Eternity in Eight Strokes

Hannibal - Mischa laughing in the garden in her bathtub

Clarice - Clarice's sitting on her father's lap, looking at his badge

Clarice - Clarice and Mapp discuss Johnny's tattoo

ARTWORK FEATURED:

Eternity in Eight Strokes - Symbol

Three Beauties of the Kansei Era by Kitagawa Utamaro

The Chrysanthemum and the Sword: Patterns of Japanese Culture by Ruth Benedict, being read by Clarice

NOTES:

Since Hiroshi is recently widowed, his sister in law Chiyoh has been teaching the girls, but he asks Dr.Fell to augment their education in art and culture. Natsu, the eldest daughter, is about 18 years old and very impressionable. She very quickly falls in love with the charming and mysterious Dr.Fell. The middle daughter, Aneka, is about 10 and she is a complete smart ass and tends to not have a filter. She’s the comic relief. Emiko, the youngest is about 6 years old, and very sweet, and reminds Hannibal Lecter very much of his sister, Mischa.

When confronted with the Symbol Eternity in Eight Strokes, Clarice consults Jack Crawford’s extensive library on symbology. She finds that many past works by Hannibal Lecter were signed with this symbol.

Very quickly finding that the art theft rings she is dealing with are often dark covers for far dirtier crimes, with art often being used to help with the laundering of money, Jack Crawford decides to send Johnny Brigham to join Clarice and her team of agents. Johnny is tasked specifically by Crawford to watch out for Clarice’s safety.

Johnny has always liked Clarice and she has always liked him. His presence constantly alongside her begins the whole “will they or won’t they?” situation between them. He very quickly becomes smitten.

SEASON 1, EPISODE 4: The Provenance of Dr.Fell

DATE: June 1990 FLASHBACKS:

Clarice - "Clarice, your case file." The touch in Memphis before Lecter’s escape. The crackle in Hannibal's eyes. A shock runs through Clarice's body.

Clarice - Watching the news just after Hannibal Lecter's escape

Clarice - Ardelia asking Clarice if she fears Hannibal will come after her

ARTWORK FEATURED:

Jade burial suit of Liu Sui

NOTES:

Clarice uses her alter ego, Elizabeth Chase for the first time. Elizabeth Chase was the name of an art student and the wife of Robert Hecht, a man who dealt in smuggling antiquities illegally, and the name is an intentional selection on Clarice's part. Her whimsy is showing, and Hannibal Lecter would take notice.

A discussion of art provenance and its importance in authenticating art leads to the idea that people also have their own provenance that gives them their value. This is a major theme that is unfolding, as we essentially see flashbacks from Hannibal and Clarice showing us their own “Provenance”

Clarice does not yet know Hannibal Lecter is in Hiroshi Soah's employ, though she suspects he is somewhere in Asia. She goes undercover as Elizabeth Chase - an art dealer - at a private party at Soah's house celebrating the purchase of the Jade Burial Suit of Liu Sui. When she is dancing with Hiroshi Soah, he tells her about his new curator for the museum he is building, and that he would like to introduce her. He takes her over to Dr.Fell, whose back is turned to her. When Dr.Fell turns around, Clarice is shocked. "Do you two know one another?" Soah asks. "Do we madame?" Dr.Fell asks, taking Clarice's hand and kissing it. She touch sparks again for both of them, and they are aware of it. "I feel if we had, I should not forget.” Clarice is not amused, but cannot cause a scene, as there are several hundred people present, and doing so would endanger them, as well as ruin her cover and her mission. "Not to my knowledge, Dr.Fell." She finally says reluctantly. Dr.Fell asks Clarice to dance, and again she is hesitant to do so. When he sweeps her out onto the floor, they both begin to negotiate, talking quickly through gritted teeth as they both try very hard to smile and not let on that anything is wrong. There is a very real tension between them - both sexual, as well as a heightened feeling of danger. Lecter reveals that he has a good deal of insider information and that he can help her with her case, if only she will not reveal his identity. She agrees – for the time being.

Hiroshi and Johnny both watch Dr.Fell and Elizabeth Chase - Hiroshi is unaware of either Clarice’s and Dr.Fell’s identity, while Johnny also has no idea that Dr.Fell is Hannibal Lecter. What they do notice, however, is that there is clearly undeniable chemistry between the two. Natsu also witnesses the clear chemistry between Elizabeth Chase and Dr.Fell. Both Natsu and Johnny Brigham find themselves feeling jelous.

SEASON 1, EPISODE 5: Sadako and the Thousand Cranes

DATE: July 1990 FLASHBACKS:

Hannibal - Murasaki, Young Hannibal and Chiyoh fold paper Cranes for Chiyoh's cousin, Sadako

Hannibal - Murasaki mentions her home, Hiroshima, being destroyed

Hannibal - Deserters approach the lodge, killing Jakov and Hannibal's parents

Hannibal - Authorities yell at Lecter in his cell, he folds an origami chicken

Clarice - Clarice speaks with Lecter and pulls the origami chicken out of her purse

ARTWORK FEATURED:

The Children's Peace Monument by Kazuo Kikuchi and Kiyoshi Ikebe - Hiroshima, Japan at the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Park

Traditional Origami

NOTES:

One of the major art pieces in Heroshima is the Children's Peace Monument, which memorializes Sadako, said to be Chiyo’s cousin. The monument helps to emphasize the absolute horrors of war.

Though many of our characters are rather villainous – they have all been impacted by an actual war or a terrible hardship in their life. Soah had his home destroyed, Lecter lost his family, Johnny finds being back in Asia brings back memories of his time in Vietnam, something he doesn’t like to think about. Clarice, though not affected by war, has had terrible hardships and is also learning about the horrors of war via the art she is studying.

Traditional Origami is used to link Sadako, Hannibal Lecter's past, and Clarice's experience with meeting Hannibal Lecter for the second time (When she rescued his origami chicken from a trashcan) - A clue to the Chinese Gu is uncovered in the Yakuza crime ring, and Clarice believes it may be in China

Chiyoh and Hannibal come to an agreement - Chiyoh will not reveal who he is to authorities, and in exchange, Hannibal will kill her brother-in-law, Hiroshi Soah in retaliation for her husband's death. He agrees to do this in his own time.

SEASON 1, EPISODE 6: Kyū Bon

DATE: July 15, 1990 FLASHBACKS:

Hannibal - Murasaki mending young Hannibal's finger and asking him to arrange flowers

Hannibal - Hannibal defending Murasaki from the butcher

Hannibal - Robert's death and funeral

Clarice - Hannibal asking her worst memory of childhood

Clarice - In the hospital with her dying father as a visitor recites Thanatopsis

Clarice - Cleaning hotel rooms, Clarice's mother tells her she must move to Montana

ARTWORK FEATURED:

Thanatopsis, a poem by William Cullen Bryant read as a v.o. in the last scene

The Tale of Genji, a novel by Murasaki Shikibu

Kokin Wakashū by Court Poets Ki no Tsurayuki, Ki no Tomonori, Oshikochi no Mitsune and Mibu no Tadamine

NOTES:

This episode deals heavily in family and their impact on us

Clarice disregards the festival, but ultimately changes her mind in the end, and winds up going back to the U.S. to visit her father’s grave.

Hannibal Lecter gives Clarice Starling Chinese Lantern flowers

SEASON 1, EPISODE 7: Honjō Masamune

DATE: August, 1990 FLASHBACKS:

Clarice - Hannibal asking if she thinks he is evil, Typhoid and Swans discussion

Clarice - Hannibal telling her they are going to be partners

Hannibal - Butcher being killed with a sword

Clarice - The Screaming Lambs Confession in Memphis / Clarice escapes in the night as a child

Hannibal - Very quick, flashes of Mischa screaming, an axe, Hannibal's hand reaching for Mischa. We still can’t see what happened.

ARTWORK FEATURED:

Honjō Masamune, a famous sword

Homicide Investigation: Practical Information for Coroners, Police Officers, and Other Investigators by LeMoyne Snyder, being read by Clarice

David with the Head of Goliath, Caravaggio

NOTES:

August 26–28 – In Gainesville, Florida, police find five murdered college students, apparently killed by a serial killer. Clarice is pretty gutted to not be able to work on this case.

This episode is inspired by the real life sword. When Japanese weapons had to be surrendered in 1945, it was given over to a Sgt. Coldy Bimore. Unfortunately, no record of such a Sgt. has ever existed. This has never been solved, but this story tells a bit more about how Hannibal and Clarice uncover the sword at the hands of a man who falsified his name. The American Sgt.’s family had been killed by the Japanese during the war, and thus he took their sword from them.

This adventure takes place over a series of several days, and both Hannibal and Clarice must keep up their identities of Elizabeth Chase and John Fell. They speak a lot during this time. Lecter wakes Clarice from her nightmare during this time.

Clarice experiences her nightmare during this time and heavily begins to question if what she is doing is enough - she’s rescuing art - not people (The Florida serial killer weighs heavily on her). Hannibal Lecter holds her in the dark and tells her that what she is doing is very important and noble. She says, "I was in the barn" she says, to which he replies, "I know." "I was so cold and afraid." she says, and he says "I know." again. He closes his eyes and we understand he is speaking of more than just her dream - that he knows from his own experiences. She is disturbed to realize that she feels very safe with him.

Season 1, Episode 8: The Hall of Two Truths

When eighteen carefully chosen treasures are stolen from the Cairo Museum, the Minister of Antiquities enlists Clarice’s team to help find the culprit. Clarice suspects that a wealthy private collector may be responsible, but soon finds that the truth is far more complicated than she could have imagined.

DATE: September 1990 FLASHBACKS:

Hannibal - Inspector Popil arrives and says that organs of the butcher were removed

Hannibal - Murasaki tells Popil she and Hannibal are moving to Paris and that Hannibal is to enter medical school

Hannibal - Hannibal helps a doctor sketch dead bodies in order to remake De humani corporis fabrica libri septem, which was lost during the war

ARTWORK FEATURED:

Bust of Neferititi

Book of the Dead: The Weighing of the Heart Ceremony

Canopic Jars

De humani corporis fabrica libri septem,

NOTES:

The title references the Egyptian "Hall of Two Truths" where the human heart is weighed against a feather in the Egyptian afterlife. For our purposes, of course, the feather represents Clarice (bird imagery) and the heart represents Lecter (burning heart imagery, organs, etc)

The scales also represent the changing feelings and conflicting emotions going on with Clarice Starling.

Inspired by a 2011 Cairo Museum heist, which was never solved, but likely the pieces were stolen by a wealthy businessman who picked out specific pieces that he wanted.

The removal of organs in Egyptian mummification will be compared against Hannibal Lecter removing the organs of his victims.

SEASON 1, EPISODE 9: Kintsugi

DATE: September 1990 FLASHBACKS:

Hannibal - Flashes of Dog tags hanging around the necks of the men in the lodge

Hannibal - Flashes of Mischa screaming

Hannibal - Flashes of Hannibal and Mischa with the deserters

Hannibal - Mischa is taken away “to play”

ARTWORK FEATURED:

- The Terracotta Warriors of Emperor Qin

- Japanese art of Kintsugi

NOTES:

Kintsugi refers to the art of mending broken vases / pottery with gold

September 12 – Cold War: The two German states and the Four Powers sign the Treaty on the Final Settlement With Respect to Germany in Moscow, paving the way for German reunification.

- A major theme is brokenness. Hannibal's brokenness, Clarice's Brokenness, but her scars ultimately making her more beautiful in Lecter's eyes. He also seems to be intrigued that her brokenness has not managed to destroy her. When Soah's daughter breaks a priceless vase, Lecter discusses with her the art of Kintsugi and discusses with her how one's damage is important to their overall history. Together they repair the vase, as Lecter thinks of Clarice and of his own scars.

On the other, much darker end, it is the shattering of one of the terracotta warrior sculptures reveals that they are fake, and their insides are filled with drugs. The art world is using them as a cover for a much larger drug smuggling operation. Inspired by the movie True Lies, as well as multiple drug busts - hiding drugs in sculptures is fairly common.

There should be a discussion that each Terracotta warrior represented an actual person should tie in to Hannibal thinking about the dog tags, and that they are also tied to an individual. We don't know if this is actually true or not - I've read articles that confirm and deny this, but for our purposes the statues are indeed individuals.

The youngest of Soah's daughters likes the Ninja Turtles (popular in the 90s). Dr.Fell is confused as to why these cartoons are named after painters from the Italian Renaissance.

The episode would either open or close with the quote by Rumi, "The Wound is Where the Light Enters You."

SEASON 1, EPISODE 10: The Three Sacred Treasures of Japan

DATE: October 1990 FLASHBACKS:

Hannibal - Hannibal tries to remember the faces of the men who killed his sister and draws their faces in medical school

Hannibal - Uncovering the Dog tags in the lodge

Hannibal - Hannibal kills Dortlitch and puts the tag around his neck

Hannibal - Murasaki asks Hannibal to stop. He refuses.

ARTWORK FEATURED:

Kusanagi-no-Tsurugi, a sword

Yata-no-Kagami, a mirror

Yasakani no Magatama, a jewel

NOTES:

October 3 – Cold War: East Germany and West Germany reunify into a single Germany.

The three Sacred Treasures do exist, though very few people know where they are kept, and even fewer people have seen them. Clarice and her team must figure out how to find something without even knowing what it looks like. This is paralleled with Flashbacks of Hannibal Lecter not knowing what his sister’s killers look like...

Not knowing what the 3 Treasures look like, and the search for them can bring flashbacks to Hannibal Lecter not knowing the killers that he seeks revenge upon for Mischa's death.

SEASON 1, EPISODE 11: The Last Emperor

DATE: October 1990 FLASHBACKS:

Hannibal - Hannibal sees Kolnas daughter's bracelet and flashes back to Mischa

Hannibal - Kolnas daughter puts his dog tag in the offering plate

Hannibal - Hannibal kills Kolnas with a Tanto after he is given information on Grutas

ARTWORK FEATURED:

Ancient Chinese Gu, unknown artist - Found in China, to be returned to the Gardner Museum

The Forbidden City

NOTES:

When looking for a stolen Chinese Puzzle box, long lost, Clarice ultimately finds herself in search of a theif who it turns out has purchased the Chnese Gu from the Gardner museum. At first she thinks he may be the original theif, but she realizes the piece has changed hands several times.

The Chinese Gu has yet to actually be found.

SEASON 1, EPISODE 12: The Idol Thief

DATE: October 1990

ARTWORK FEATURED:

Natarajan Idols

NOTES:

This episode is based off of Subhash Kapoor is a New York-based art dealer on trial in Chennai for allegedly running a $100 million international smuggling racket.[2] He was previously the owner of the Art of the Past gallery in Manhattan. His sister business, Nimbus Import/Exports, specialised in selling antiquities from across the Indian Subcontinent and Southeast Asia to major museums around the world.

Natsu looks into Dr.Fell’s past and manages to uncover who he is. When she does, she also sees a picture of Clarice Starling and realizes that she is the same woman she knows as Elizabeth Chase.

SEASON 1, EPISODE 13: Yuanming Yuan

DATE: November 1990 FLASHBACKS:

Hannibal - Murasaki and Hannibal put Chiyoh on a train and discuss her fiancé, a man with two brothers who is starting a motorcycle business

ARTWORK FEATURED:

A variety of Chinese vases and bowls around the world

NOTES:

This episode is inspired by several thefts of Chinese pieces that were stolen around the same time. The case has never been solved, but it is most likely a Government inside job. Clarice - if she finds it’s a Government job - can’t really do anything when up against a Government.

There is a discussion about theft. If the pieces were stolen from China...and China steals them back - is it stealing?

SEASON 1, EPISODE 14: Teacups and Time

DATE: November 1990 FLASHBACKS:

Hannibal - Hannibal searches for Grutas

Hannibal - Grutas confirms Mischa's fate

ARTWORK FEATURED:

Japanese Tea Ceremony

Chinese Yixing Teapot

A Brief History of Time, a book by Stephen Hawking

NOTES:

November 19–21 – The leaders of Canada, the United States, and 32 European states meet in Paris to formally mark the end of the Cold War.

Lecter reads A Brief History of Time. The broken teacup is mentioned. When he is at the Japanese tea ceremony, a teacup is broken, and his calm exterior falls away for a very brief moment. Clarice seems to be the only one to notice.

Clarice has found the Chinese Gu in a previous episode. This is a huge break in the Gardner case. However, since it appears all of the items that were stolen were dispersed to different people, the other items have not yet been found. Still, she has decided that though it is a great break in the case, they will keep its discovery a secret so that it does not compromise the rest of the case or her secret identity as Elizabeth Chase.

SEASON 1, EPISODE 15:The Tantō Sword of Date Masamune

DATE: December 1990 FLASHBACKS:

Hannibal - Grutas tries to shoot young Hannibal. He is shot in the back. He appears to be dead, but he pulls the Tanto sword out from the back of his shirt. It has deflected the bullet.

Hannibal – Young Hannibal asks where Grentz is and is told he is in Canada. Hannibal then kills Grutas and puts his dog tag around his neck. Murosaki has been witness to all of this.

Hannibal - Hannibal confesses his love for Murasaki. She rejects him.

ARTWORK FEATURED:

The Dream of the Fisherman's Wife by Hokusai, on loan to the Hiroshima Museum of Art from the British Museum, in conjunction with an exhibition called "Sex and Pleasure in Japanese Art"

Starling on a Branch in the Japanese Style, Signed with Infinity in Eight Strokes, Hiroshima, Japan, Painted by Hannibal Lecter, but attributed to Robert Lecter - found in Dr.Fell's studio

Clarice with a Lamb by Hannibal Lecter, found in Dr.Fell's studio

Armor of Date Masamune, and 3 of its 4 pieces of weaponry - Hiroshi Soah's private collection.

Tanto Sword of Date Masamune, 4th piece of weaponry - on Hannibal Lecter's person

Tessen, Japanese War Fan - on Clarice's person

FULL EPISODE SUMMARY:

We open the episode in the newly opened Hiroshima Museum of Art, opened and funded by Hiroshi Soah in an attempt to help replace heritage lost to the Hiroshima bomb, as well as an attempt to make Hiroshima a center of culture for the nation – a Phoenix from the Ashes, as it were.

Clarice stands in the Hiroshima Museum of Art’s newest exhibition on Sex and Pleasure in Japanese Art, which was Curated by Dr.Fell (this is a real exhibit that would not happen until 2013/2014 at the British Museum). She stands before The Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife and considers it, waiting. Johnny appears and stands beside her. He too considers the painting. He wrinkles his nose - he does not care for it. After a few moments of silence, Johnny hands Clarice some paperwork and tells her that they have enough information, and they now officially have permission from both the American and Japanese government to raid Hiroshi Soah’s private collection and arrest him. They have to be smart about it, as they do not think Soah will go quietly. His home is highly guarded, and even with a warrant, his thugs are likely to put up a fight.

Due to the museum opening, as well as some new private acquisitions, Soah’s private collection has been in constant movement. His renovation on his own personal gallery means there is lots of construction in the home, and it’s agreed that the FBI will disguise themselves as workers. Clarice will need to go in first and assess the situation to make sure to determine the important pieces currently are so that nothing is damaged during the raid, as that would defeat the purpose of the entire mission, which is ultimately to keep the artwork safe and back where it belongs. They agree that Elizabeth Chase will go during the day to assess the situation, giving some other art related reason for being there – offering up a painting she has recently acquired in the hopes that she could walk with Soah through his gallery and tell him exactly where she thinks it should go, meanwhile noting specific placement of everything.

Clarice Starling is mildy concerned and plagued with guilt, however. Several months before she had sent warning to Behavioral Science that she had found Hannibal Lecter. However, Lecter has not betrayed her identity, and has not only been helpful in uncovering information for her, they’ve also begun to confide in one another. She worries that if he discovers her betrayal that no one will be safe from his wrath.

Clarice Starling arrives for her appointment with Hiroshi Soah and is asked to wait in the garden. She sits and drinks tea and hears laughter in the background. She looks to see on the far side of the garden, Dr.Fell teaching the three girls about Japanese Weaponry. He has a long sword, and he two eldest Natsu and Aneka have shorter swords, while Emiko being very young has a fan. She is rather put out that she is not allowed to play with big knives.

Clarice goes closer to watch and she and Lecter acknowledge one another with a nod and a smile, but say nothing. Natsu, who has a big crush on Dr.Fell notices this, and her jealousy flares again – for she has found drawings of Elizabeth Chase in Dr.Fell’s studio.

Dr.Fell assures Emiko that the fan she has is just as important as a sword, and he reveals to her that the spokes of her fan - a tessen - are pointed and indeed very dangerous.

We see a short flash of young Hannibal Lecter fighting with Grutas. Dr.Fell, mildly disturbed by his thoughts, steadies himself back in the present and then teaches Emiko how to deflect a sword using the fan. She is placated.

Clarice playfully mentions “When you taught me how to use a sword, you never mentioned the fan to me.” She then tells him that she has seen the new exhibit he curated at the museum, and she is not entirely sure what to think. Dr.Fell covers Emiko's ears, and seductively begins to talk to Elizabeth about how the West tends to find pleasure and sex sinful, but the east has no such reservations, etc.

Natsu is further angered that Dr.Fell is very clearly entranced by Elizabeth. A servant comes for Elizabeth Chase and leads her into Hiroshi Soah’s study. Clarice and Hiroshi speak for a long time, and then walk down his gallery. Elizabeth mentions the piece she has just acquired from one of her customers who has passed away and pulls out photos from her purse. Soah isn’t sure, but they continue their walk, and she tells him she has a few other pieces that she thinks he might like. She also asks him how the restoration on the sword that she and Dr.Fell managed to find several months ago is going. He takes her over to a new portion of his gallery where he has many pieces of Japanese Weaponry on display – several swords, fans (Tessen) and of course the Samurai suit is the centerpiece.. He mentions that Dr.Fell did the restoration on the sword himself. He also mentions Dr.Fell is close to finding the lost Tanto sword – might Elizabeth be able to help with that as well and she and Fell worked together so well on finding the other sword?

She mentions she will keep her ear to the ground about it. As Hiroshi, very polite and charming, escorts Elizabeth from the house, says goodbye and goes back into the house.

Chiyoh and the three girls are on the terrace folding origami as Elizabeth heads to her car. When Elizabeth asks where Dr.Fell has gone, Chiyoh mentions that he had been called to the museum to consult on the layout and hanging of several paintings.

Emiko goes to Elizabeth and hands her a paper crane before she can descend from the terrace. “Doctor Fell asked me to give this to you.” She says. Elizabeth thanks her and moves put it into her purse when she hears Hiroshi Soah calling her name. He walks out onto the terrace and says he’s re-considered – would she be willing to leave those photographs of that painting with him for a couple of days? She says, of course and digs into her purse and sets them down beside the paper crane. He thanks her, and she turns again to leave, forgetting the crane.

When Elizabeth is gone and the others have all gone inside, Natsu takes the paper crane and unfolds it to reveal a note written on it. It is addressed to Clarice and it indicates that he knows what she is up to, and that he does not advise a raid tonight, as security has just been doubled. It is signed “H.”

Clarice assembles her team and discussed the layout, the plan, and where certain pieces of art are. Some they will take, some they will not, some have been illegally aquired, some have not. She also mentions where Soah will most likely be able to be found in the home. She alerts the men to the bedrooms of the three daughters as well as their aunt Chiyoh and makes sure that everyone is well aware to be very careful around the women, not to scare them, harm them, etc.

Her team asks if Dr.Fell will go along with the law, and she confirms that she has made sure there will be an “urgent call” from the museum an hour before they enter in order to get him off the premises in case he comes back to the house.

Later, Lecter returns only to be called back to the museum on an emergency. Clarice’s team watch and confirm that Dr.Fell has left. Dr.Fell, of course, knows it is a ruse, and later sneaks back in disguised as one of the construction workers, alongside the FBI.

Clarice goes in the back way to secure the inside of the gallery before the raid begins. The men outside await her go ahead via an earpiece, but it is dropped when she is grabbed by one of Soah’s security men who drags her into the newest part of the gallery containing the Japanese weapons, where Soah and Dr.Fell stand. Dr.Fell remains calm and betrays nothing until it looks like Clarice really is going to be killed by one of Soah's men who has a knife to her throat and is just waiting for Soah's command.

Finally, Dr.Fell lets in a sharp intake of breath, which causes Soah to make his men pause while he turns to Dr.Fell and asks if he likes Elizabeth?

“I do believe my daughter is rather jealous of the two of you.” Soah confesses. “It was her jealousy that caused me to find out about you, miss Clarice Starling.”

Fell admits Clarice Starling is very lovely. Perhaps they could make it look like she has gone missing? Soah considers. Fell has given him 100s of millions in stolen goods and has done a great job over the past year. It is clear that though Soah knows Clarice’s identity, he does not know about Fell’s… He agrees to let Dr.Fell have the girl.

Clarice spits at both their feet and says she'd rather die.

Soah says that can be arranged and gives the order for his men to kill Clarice. Just before the knife slits her throat, another knife is thrown through the air and strikes into the henchman’s neck.

It is clearly a match for the Tanto sword of Masamune.

We see a quick flash of young Hannibal Lecter getting up from the floor of the boat after having just been shot and pulling the Tanto sword out from the back of his shirt. We realize suddenly – he’s had the knife all along. We learn Mischa was eaten.

Hiroshi Soah’s eyes grow wide at the realization that it is the knife he’s been looking for. He turns to confront Dr.Fell, but Lecter has grabbed a sword from the armor and takes Soah’s head clean off. He then throws Soah's sword to Clarice, who catches it, midair, while he goes over to the wall and removes the sword he and Clarice tracked down together several months before.

Together they are surrounded on all sides by member’s of Hiroshi’s Yakuza, and they must fight together to kill them. At one point Hannibal Lecter is almost taken down - there is a knife to his throat and he has no weapon. Clarice shouts out his real name to him as she tosses him a weapon that he uses to kill the man holding him back.

All the henchman pause at hearing Lecter's real name - they only knew him as Dr.Fell. There is a new level of fear now that these men know they are fighting Hannibal Lecter.

There is a quick flashback of Hannibal Lecter killing Grutas in front of Murasaki, and then confessing his love for her. She tells him there is nothing left of him to love and leaves him.

Back to reality, the man standing closest to him is now frozen in fear, and Hannibal grabs him and rips out his throat with his teeth. Blood dripping from his mouth, he spits the contents onto the floor, reaches out, and grabs Clarice, kissing her fiercely before they go back to taking down the remaining men.

While fighting, Lecter tells Clarice he didn't betray her. Clarice does not mention that she, several months earlier, had betrayed him. Clarice grabs a Tessen fan from the wall and uses it to deflect a sword and spike another henchman in the heart. Lecter makes a crack about fighting in her good shoes, at which point Clarice takes off her shoe and spikes the heel through one henchman’s eyes.

Lecter is delighted with both her resourcefulness and ferocity. Once all the men are dead, they are surrounded by bodies and covered in blood, breathing heavily. Standing inches apart, they grab one another and kiss hungrily, angrily. When they part he asks her to come away with him. She is upset by this and asks that he turn himself in. Again he asks for her to come with him and promises that he will give her everything she ever wanted. Again she begs for him to turn himself in.

He says he won’t – and that she doesn’t want to turn him in either or she would not have tried to make sure he was off the property during the raid. She hesitates.

Suddenly there is the sound of crashing glass as the FBI come in from the long side of the gallery, and Soah’s backup from the other side. Clarice rushes towards her men, while Lecter heads in the opposite direction.

On his way out of the house he encounters Natsu, who has heard the commotion and come running. She is crying and tells Hannibal Lecter that she did not betray his true identity to her father – only the identity of Clarice Starling. Chiyoh comes up from behind Natsu and takes her arm, calls her a foolish girl and says that she would have been wiser to betray them both.

Hannibal Lecter tells Chiyoh that their agreement has been settled, and she knows that Hannibal Lecter has killed her brother in law for her in retribution for Soah having her husband killed.

Chiyoh lets Hannibal Lecter go, and later is seen speaking with the police. She is shown ascending to the head of the board of Soah's company - as well as becomes the head of Soah's Yakuza clan.

Ultimately the FBI is successful and manages to secure the pieces that they need, and arrest several of Soah’s men.

Dr.Fell cannot be found, but all of his paperwork checks out beautifully...Chiyoh makes an agreement with the Japanese government, and Dr.Fell is not persued.

When Dr.Fell’s studio is found in the attic of the house, the FBI is surprised to find several drawings and paintings of Clarice Starling. Nobody yet realizes that Dr.Fell was Hannibal Lecter.

#hannibal #hannibal lecter #clarice starling #hannibal rising #silence of the lambs #the rape of europa #hannibal au #fan fic #my edits

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onestowatch · 4 years

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Del Water Gap on Smash Mouth, Quarantine and “Ode to a Conversation Stuck in Your Throat” [Premiere + Q&A]

Photo: Angela Ricciardi

Some music is just so vivid that when you hear it, you see it. In the same vein, some songs are so personal that when you listen, it’s like peering into someone's innermost thoughts. Each one of Del Water Gap’s songs possess that power. The artist’s newest single, “Ode to a Conversation Stuck in Your Throat,” effectively peels back the curtain on a wandering mind’s thoughts.

“Ode To a Conversation Stuck in Your Throat” explores feelings of apprehension and angst at the possibility of a lover finding love somewhere else. Frontman S. Holden Jaffe’s soft-hearted vocals flounce over folksy guitars with rock-leaning layerings. The song’s undercurrent is akin to Del Water Gap’s previous classic singer-songwriter style displayed on his Don’t Get Dark EP. But Del Water Gap’s 2020 sound is becoming more and more accented by contemporary touches and heightened tempos.

We caught up with the man behind the project to find out more about “Ode to a Conversation Stuck in Your Throat,” his obsession with Smash Mouth, and how his quarantine is going.

youtube

Ones To Watch: So you’re from rural Connecticut, but moved to Brooklyn during your young adult years. How have or haven’t your surroundings aided in creating your sound?

Del Water Gap: At the time I moved to the city, there was still a really vibrant indie scene happening. CMJ was in full swing, and I was out every weekend seeing bands like The Virgins, Public Access TV, The Drums… The Arctic Monkeys, The Antlers, Diet Cig. Bands and bands. Running into Fabrizio Moretti by the NYU library. I was spending a lot of time at St. Dymphna’s and borrowing electric guitars from my friend Dylan. I loved the music I was ingesting and the scene that came with it.

Did you choose music or did music choose you?

Music chose me - but I was an ardent enabler. I remember standing on my living room table and playing harmonica along with the radio as a kid. Everything in C major sounded decent...? I figured out what one-four-five felt like years before I knew the words for it, just staying quiet and listening. My relationship with music has been a bit of an abusive one in recent years, but I know I’m here for life. I’ve fantasized about quitting and doing something simpler hundreds of times, but i know that's not going to happen any time soon.

What was it that made you decide to grow Del Water Gap from a personal project into a full blown touring band?

I put out an EP in 2012 under the name Del Water Gap because all of my heroes at the time were solo artists using monikers; Bon Iver, Tallest Man on Earth, St. Vincent… and so on. I moved to NYC without any aspirations of being a performer, but the record started performing a bit on local blogs and my best friend at the time basically forced me to play a show. She said “these are songs to fall in love to.” I refused and refused until she offered to play the show with me, and I finally gave in and booked a slot at Sullivan Hall in the village. I think we nearly sold it out.

Who would you say your music is for?

People who have run out of podcasts.

You’ve released “My Body,” featuring Claud, and now “Ode to a Conversation Stuck in Your Throat,” both of which admittedly sound a little different from your previous work. The newer singles still have a folksy charm but seem more electronic-leaning or even more pop-leaning. What’s leading this explorative venture?

As I was finishing college I started producing some indie pop artists with my friend Mike Adubato. It was really just a way to help make ends meet, but I spent a year looking over Mike’s shoulder as he built out arrangements. I really got a holistic education in pop production that way. As artists, I think that our work is defined both by our strengths and our limitations, and as my limitations broke open, my work changed. I would simply sit down to make a song and reach for different colors. I also started consuming more indie pop records, and I eventually made the realization that I could take influences from those records without sacrificing any part of myself as a writer or protagonist.

We love how tender “Ode to a Conversation Stuck in Your Throat” not only sounds, but actually feels. There’s a ton of intimacy there. It feels like we’re reading a diary entry. Can you give us some more insight into the song’s origin?

The song came out of a slow night in the studio with my good friend Gabe Goodman. We had been in a secret boy band that broke up in 2017, and it was our first time really writing together since things ended. I programmed some drums, and Gabe put most of the music together - we were just getting into a flow when a friend invited us to dinner with one of our musical heroes. We looked at each other and said “Should we go? Do we stop now?” “No, no, no we stay,” we decided. So we kept writing and had a spiked seltzer or two.

I came back to the studio the next day and moved a few things around and wrote most of the words. I was seeing someone at the time who I really liked, and we had both been walking up to the line of asking the other to be with each other and no one else. Finally, we were sitting together one day and it got all quiet and she goes, “I’ve had this stuck in my throat all day…” And that was the start of our togetherness and the inspiration for the song.

We were creeping on your Twitter. What’s going on with you, bowl cuts, and Smash Mouth?

I thought you’d never ask - a few months ago, I was having a coffee playdate with my friend Charlie Burg and he was sketching me from the across the table. He’s really a very good artist, so I was feeling a little competitive and decided I would try my hand at sketching as well. So I grabbed a pen and a napkin from the table and drew this ridiculous line drawing of a horse with a bowl cut and a human face. It looks like something a six year old would draw in art class. It also has this disturbing and surrealist quality to it. We were laughing and laughing at my ridiculous creation and I turned to Charlie and said, “Do you think I could sell this online?” So I threw the napkin on my web store and it sold in five minutes and the whole event was so delightful to me that I made “commemorative” t-shirts and a Horse With Bowl Cut fan club account on Instagram. So a lot of bowl cut content makes its way to me these days.

Not much to say about Smash Mouth other than the 2001 Smash Mouth self-titled LP is one of the greatest records ever made, and I will gladly teach a college level course on it if any university will lend me a classroom space.

I read that you draw inspiration from what you eat, But when it comes to flavor, how would you describe your musical palette?

I would describe a musical cheese plate; sweet and savory. Trou Du Cru, a truffle Moelleux des Alpes, a hard Beaufort. Some honey and jam on the side, olives and cornichon. With a generous pile of those really expensive fig crackers they have at Whole Foods.

What’s been one of the defining moments of your artistic career so far?

My dad FaceTimed me the other day from quarantine wearing a Del Water Gap mock turtleneck and listening to my song “Theory of Emotion.” That was pure power.

What’s next for you?

I’m putting out the best work of my life so far - a few songs now and a few over the summer and into the fall. I’m touring with girl in red. I’m surviving this pandemic and everything that has come with it. I am trying to be a better friend and take better care of my brain and my body.

We of course hope you’re staying safe during this time. But how are you keeping quarantine interesting? Or are you?

I am very lucky to be safe and comfortable - I’ve run away to a friend’s house by the ocean, so I have some fresh air and light, and I get to say hi to a seal once in a while. I’ve been journaling and cooking and trying to run twenty miles a week. I’ve been coloring a lot and watching Nashville. The excess of free time has not led to an excess of creation, but I’m trying to be gentle on myself. I think the collective anxiety has taken a toll on all of us. We’ll be writing about this for years to come, but we may have to wait a few years before we start. I shot a music video for “Ode” from quarantine, and have been finishing up my record remotely with Mike and Gabe. One of my best friend’s dad is a practicing buddhist, so he’s been sending me some really powerful literature each day, helping me move towards a more organized spiritual practice. All we can do right now is sit in this and keep in touch with the ones we love, so that’s my work.

Lastly, who are your Ones to Watch?

I love Rosie Tucker’s record Never Not Never Not Never Not. Miss Grit played one of my favorite shows of the year opening for Daisy the Great at Rough Trade in August. Briston Maroney is making really powerful records. and Claud of course! One of my friends has a new project called Honeywhip, which I have been literally playing on repeat.

#Del Water Gap #interview #ode to a conversation stuck in your throat #indie #singer songwriter #folk

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thestudyfeels · 5 years

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How To NOT Be Depressed.

(Or If You Prefer — How to Be Substantially Happy About Life.)

WARNING: This is one rollercoaster ride of a post. Proceed with extreme caution. For some, the staggering levels of insight may induce true purpose and re-establish their warrior spirit. For others, side effects may include grammatically incorrect hate or aloof eyerolls. We advise exiting if the said group includes you, for we're very tired of cleaning vomit off the seats.

Step aboard at your own risk.

If you’re one of the brave souls who stayed back to join us, I congratulate you for even I am scared of how crazy this post truly is. Alrighty then, kick back and relax folks, today we’re having a mature, adult conversation. Merely another cheery afternoon spent talking about life and its realities. Not too bad, eh?

Before we begin, spoiler alert! For those of you already turned off by the mention of 'depression’ and packing their bunnies to leave, sit tight. This ISN'T really about depression. This is about HAPPINESS. No clickbait. That got your attention, right butterfly? Nice, now stay.

A welcoming, maybe demanding A/N: Do me a favor and read this in one go. Maybe even plug in those headphones and listen to the songs dedicated to each part as you read. It's long, you have the new Riverdale episode to catch up on, but don't hop away just yet because (I had a couple moments writing this, alright) it's life changing. You'll prolly cry a few tears of realization, nod all nod-able body parts in agreement, beat your chest at random instants 'cause the hype’s too real, and perhaps, if it isn’t too much to hope for, finally go change your life for the better. In case you've forgotten, this'll remind you that there’s always hope, that you're a born conqueror, and you were made to THRIVE, not survive. Convinced? Kay, roll the cams.

To clarify first-hand, no, I'm not depressed although I’ve experienced mild depression for a period before. Glad to say I'm out of it but I still struggle with tackling what I'm about to detail next.

Insert bitter voice, it’s this: My life is nowhere near I want it to be. Though I know vaguely what I wanna do, I haven't yet figured out how the hell I’m supposed to get there, or how my dream life is to be sketched out. It’s all a blurry mess. Which, to put it bluntly, hurts. I HATE feeling powerless and worthless, roaming about aimlessly.

There are many such moments where I hit the brakes to wonder why I’m not living THE Life already. There have been several times when I curl up and cry a frickin’ Amazon. There are horrible nights where I'm shaking with emotions, but they won't release, leaving me choked. (…not in that way, you hoes. Um, just ruined the dramatic mood with a lame dirty joke, sorry.)

They say talking helps and that's why I figured I'd drop in. But perhaps more importantly, I wanted to hang because no matter how unfocused the lens may seem at my future, I don't consider myself a dopey loser incapable of the crazy dreams or wild bucket lists I fantasize about– and I thought I'd skip along to remind you that neither should you. (Or maybe I just came to sniff the new appetizers, who knows?)

PS: I also broke a sweat listing six ways to get outta depression– alternatively, to be more of a conqueror– because y'all are always pestering me with asks that go “how do I conquer omg send supplies” (Like, imagine a conqueror saying that! Oh, the crime, the atrocity!)

So yes, you're welcome. Have a feast with this litness.

The main reason behind people being so frightfully sad, I’ve found, is a huge lack of fulfillment. We don't do what we love, for either— [ 1 ] we aren’t living life the way we want to (since we keep doing things we feel we're supposed to do) OR [ 2 ] because Mama, Papa and Mrs. Carter next door feel that struggling is the only way, and project their traditional beliefs onto us. Either way, whether or not we consciously realize this, subconsciously, we're all hurting because of it. Badly.

That lingering feeling of emptiness never seems to leave. You feel drained every night when you drop into bed, not because you gave it your all, but because you couldn't. And so, we do the next best thing. Drugs. Maybe not literally, but figuratively. We numb out this subconscious pain by binge watching Netflix shows. We deaden ourselves to that discomfort by reading smut in the bathroom or by playing dumb video games all day. We try (and fail) to extinguish this feeling of not ‘being enough’ by having silly flings or fake friendships.

And ultimately, we NUMB ourselves out to LIFE for we can't bear to live the way we're living. There's a reason why “How to Stop Procrastinating” posts are so popular (they’re a blogger’s most foolproof way of paying the month’s rent, and yes, even I'm guilty of a couple). We’re constantly having FOMO and tuning into others' highlights on social media– completely missing out on our own lives in the process. We fail to realize that the culprit is lack of genuine purpose more than zero self-control (or maybe it’s both, but that’s a tale for another day).

[On a side note, obviously I did generalize a bit– video games can be a passion for you, watching shows a way of winding down. But for most, they’re only DISTRACTIONS, just another way of ignoring the calls of life by hanging up the phone.]

And here's the bitter truth about depression: The longer you wait to start living authentically, the more you start tuning out the inner cries wanting change, the faster your dreams start to ebb away, and the more you'll want to become insignificant. And to me, that's the scariest part of this journey to my dream life.

Nothing frightens me more than knowing that the moment I stop pushing, the very moment I give in to distractions and fears, my goals will stop manifesting themselves and I'll be stuck in this small town with its small people eternally. And THAT, I'm certain, won't be any more fun than working your way through a soggy ham sandwich, ironic as soggy is what life has become. (Yes, I have a thing against soggy sandwiches. They were a kid's worst lunch nightmare.)

If you relate, and I’m sure you do (it’s probably why you stopped scrolling through cheesy fanfic for ten minutes to read this, I know you amigo) — here are six ways to NOT be depressed. Or more accurately, to gift wrap yourself some sweet ol’ happiness.

You're a Samurai and the Following Be Your Katanas —

Hol’ up. The second you reach the End Card, I want you to drop your Cheerios and implement at least THREE of these six strategies. Just follow the Takeaways, I've made this really simple. And as a rule, one of them has to be this one. (Look, don't whine. If you wanna climb outta that dark hole, you gotta put in some effort. So pop that booty, and let’s get down to business!)

Here’s the most truthful, though cheesy thing I’ll ever say: I would be nowhere I am today without this blog. If not for it, I would most likely be weeping in a dug-out hole somewhere, drowning in my salty little pond of tears and chiming every loser’s favorite words (“there's no point”). Creating this blog gave me a definite purpose – putting out fiery content, dipping myself deep into my newly found passion for writing and influencing, and connecting with other conquerors on the platform.

I meet a lot of folks, whether at Sad School, Mouldy Mall, or Boring Bus stop, who always seem to be in a state of death-inducing boredom. When asked about their favorite thing to do, they’ll mumble “sleep” or “food” like Siri narrating your cat’s evening routine. And then you see adults, dragging through life mindlessly. Utterly clueless, floating like a piece of driftwood in an ocean bubbling with life. My sympathy quota gets overdosed everytime I think about it.

To spell it out, find something to do. Anything! Learn a language, try some ballet, take pictures of your neighbor's rose garden, make an art piece and show it to your mom, stitch buttons onto shirts for fun, heck, make an entire shirt out of buttons, take a break from reading smut to write your own, frutify your farts, WHATEVER, just get up and move.

And here’s why – nay, not to keep you engaged or make you feel less worthless, not that bullcrap. It’s to put in gear the journey of figuring out what is the shite that you love doing. Too often we get stuck thinking about what our oh-so-great passion is. Get this, passion is energy. A spark for something. A magical fortune cookie which, when cracked, seems to explain everything, gives you the very reason for being alive. You can only feel that fire, that wild love, when you actually do it. So get cracking is all I’ll say!

Takeaway:

Attempt something. Nah, scratch that, imagine you’re in a sweet shop with shelves lined with free samples and try everything. Pick up that Polaroid cam, take that dreaded history course, buy that children’s cooking kit– in short, start working. Pull out all the stops, get curious, and get creative. In the process, if you promise to try hard enough, you WILL (money back guarantee) find out what makes your little heart burst with mad happiness and would willingly do for free, if needed, because you really are that crazy about it. And that, my dear, will be your oh-so-great-indeed passion. Have no doubt, you’ll never be “bored” again.

Real talk, having a dream is a big deal. And unfortunately, I’ve witnessed, rarely anyone has one to begin with. They’re either more dead than the cheap skeleton I bought for Halloween or believe they have a dream, but in reality, it belongs to mom, dad, or Uncle Sammy. Listen, doing something for someone you love (my Uncle Sammy used to supply me with cold cash whenever he came around, loved that guy) is great! YET, if you’re willing to throw away your life to fulfill others’ expectations, convincing yourself it's because they love you, even when YOUR lonely heart craves bigger things than just a marketing job, then you, my friend? Are the biggest fool. Don’t get offended, we both know it, this girl needn't ramble.

Recently, my relatives were over (nope, sadly not Uncle Sammy) and my cousin and I had a chat about life (correct, I grab every opportunity to do so). It wasn't very exciting I must say, he kept staring off into the distance (I wonder why), but what he SAID is what I'll talk about. After I’d gushed about my dreams, he asked skeptically if being an influencer would still be an ambition two years from now when I graduate. I raised my eyebrows, mock hurt, like eff you son, I ain’t giving up on my dreams! But that question got me thinking.

Life is wild. Unpredictable. An unexpected call, a single person, a random BLOG POST (cough) – can turn your life upside down, sometimes in the affirmative, other times not. This variability of life isn’t uncommon, and everyone experiences some part of it– unpaid student loans, failing startups, talent and art going unnoticed in industries dominated by wealth and connections, you name it. If all of that doesn’t make you run for the Himalayas and abandon any dreams, throw in a quick side dish of dysfunctionale famiglia with a sprinkle of self-image issues.

It ain’t easy, darling. The world is one cruel headmistress; it loves slapping awake the daydreamers and wishful thinkers. That hasn't ever actually stopped the dropouts and class clowns from building castles in the air though. And the common blueprint you notice they follow? Let me introduce you to… Madness. Obsession. Maniacal obsession, to say. (Yes, I'm done playing with my words.)

I struggled writing this point. A pestering voice in my head kept mumbling – They'll go back to doing the same sad shit anyway. Um, does anyone even read your posts? Lol, call yourself an influencer, hun. Hesitation started creeping in. Then the irony of the situation struck me. I laughed, shook my head and got back to typing.

We ran out of juicy gossip weeks ago, so here’s your tea served cold: insecurities and self doubt WILL get in the way. That whiny voice was just a mild version of what you face when you go all in. Fear traps you in its cage, and those who prattled behind your back now progress to talking shit in your face. Criticism and self doubt resurfaces, so unless your defenses are strong, you'll be crushed. Destroyed REAL quick.

When hell breaks loose (oh honey, and it WILL), your self defense comprising of maniacal obsession must be well learnt. Let them attack, mock, heck, drag you away from the desk and hurl you at the top of a damn mountain, but you better STILL hike back down, show them the middle finger, and continue working. That's how bulletproof you've gotta be. That's how madly do you have to love your dreams. And if you really think this will be a cake walk or want to continue complaining about Stuart being born with a silver spoon, hop off the train already. Your destination isn't on the tour list.

Look, my dreams terrify me. But they certainly make me feel more alive than complying with what every parent said about getting good grades and holding together a roof on my head. My ambitions set me free, give me a reason to fucking live. And yet, every now and then, something makes me question them. A fear engulfs me, some doubter proclaims I suck, someone I love is so blinded they can't see my vision. And that's okay. My defenses are way stronger. The next day rolls round, and you'll find me hustling again, thriving again. All because I know that even if no one reads my posts (the worst case scenario, I know y'all love me lol), someday in the future, someone will. I know that even if I’m not an influencer yet, if just one reader becomes a conqueror because of my words, it would be a win. A big win. I'd have done my job. All because I’m wildly, yes maniacally, obsessed with my dreams.

So hey, cousin? This influencer thing? This will be my dream long after I've graduated. Till the day I die, and maybe even then I'll rise from my grave to give a dead pal a lively pep talk. My watchtower has just been upgraded, so thank u, next.

Takeaway:

“General, we've arrived!” Finally! Position those cannons, Martha, let’s talk them through the defenses. All aboard? AHOY MATEY! (wait, that was one for the pirates). Step one, dare to create a dream in your mind’s eye. The bigger, the crazier, and the scarier, the better. Doesn’t matter how impossible it is, don’t care how many voice their opinion against it, just imagine, keep a million possibilities in mind.

Once you see the life you truly want (you’ll know, everything will seem to zing)— have a sip. Become OBSESSED for that life. Thirst after that vision, itch to manifest it, and pine for the satisfaction that’ll come to your soul once it’s made a reality. Fall madly in love with the process and how magical it feel when you do it. And THEN, bellow a loud war cry and charge headfirst into battle, shields held high at all the criticisms. We conquerors never cared much for them anyway.

(play ♬) Picture this: forehead stamped with beads of sweat. Calloused hands working their fingers to the bone and eyebrows furrowed in deep concentration. Conjure an image where powerful beats are pulsing hard in your ears, synced with your own elevated heartbeats, and you’re thriving. Performing. Winning. Guess the secret to that? Preparation. Champions prepare. You can’t throw anything to the winds or rely on ‘luck’ or chance to conquer.

Tough days are in everyone’s calendar, be it your extra cheerful neighbor, Sally, or lone wolf classmate, Derrick. We’ve all found ourselves sulking over an awful situation, scooping into mint ice cream to forget mistakes, errands, and ghosting exes. Yet guess what? The solution isn’t the proclaimed “be positive!” or “It all happens for a reason, don’t you worry” - the key is coming up with a method to dodge the discouraging effect these hiccups have on us.

So every bad day, I bring out a mason jar containing a knot of chits and one secret letter which is, on most days, kept hidden on the top shelf of my cupboard. I make myself comfortable on the bed, read all my bits of paper carefully, including the letter addressed to yours truly, close my eyes, and mentally fight back whatever’s bringing me down.

A short while later, I get up, now a warrior, and go slay the rest of the day like it was my last one on this planet. That jar is my jar. A Conqueror’s jar. One look at those powerful reminders, and I’m grounded once again, the beast within me now unleashed to kill.

Takeaway:

Honey, go get yourself a jar. Along with some papyrus and ink. Then start jotting down. Document past victories, future visions, fears that mean zilch to the person you’re about to become, batty goals you’ve still gotta chase, reminders that the majority will never understand what it is you’re tryna do here, and how that’s perfectly alright 'cause you'll find your conquerors, your squad one day. Create your victory jar. And then go knock ‘em down dead. Bad days stand no chance against you. You’re a winner, a fucking rebel. Go take what’s yours.

Y’know, I’m perfectly aware that many muggles reading this will whine that dealing with depression ain’t no piece o’ pie and it’s hella hard to get up and take the crown when you feel like a pile of dino dung.

Stop it. Get some help. (See what I did? Like Michael- ok ok, calm thyself.) For real though, and I’m tired of repeating this with my kitten stamped microphone (but I’ll keep at it ‘cause it’s that significant) – whining is WORTHLESS. It saps up precious energy that could be used to make life a scrumptious smoothie. (Loothie? As in life + smoothie? Right, yes, I’m shutting up.)

And even THEN, we find denizens complaining about slow WiFis and thin crust pizzas and how the market’s down and the government’s incompetent. Because blabbering makes us feel important. Heard. But keeping yo’ trap shut and actually doing stuff? Hustling for your dreams when nobody’s watching? Actually walking the talk? C’mon, Emma, don't be naive, ain’t nobody getting recognition for that.

Trust me, I get it. The world is yet to become a feminist, turns out your boyfriend was cheating on you while you were looking up wedding dresses, mommy’s a drunk loser, and idiots are being voted into office. It’s a lot to handle. But thanks to our immense and ever increasing population (we folks really love our rumpy pumpy, can you tell) — there will surely be one chum, facing exactly the same misfortunes as you, but still turning up at every party and bulk-spamming his friends with puppy pictures while you sit and wail. (One Moaning Myrtle is enough, thank you very much.)

Look, I’m not undermining your worries or obstacles. I’m only reminding that you have the marvelous choice of positivity. To CHOOSE hope and a better future when others won't. To FIND (and it's always possible) something to look forward to even when the to-do’s a big snore. To KNOW, deep inside, that you're a magnificent conqueror, no matter what mess you’re in at the moment, and that the world dances to your rhythm. Realise that it's up to you to let yourself be happy. At any moment, you have the very say-so to get up and start rocking. Dumbledore said it himself, “It is our choices, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” So choose better, and you’ll unconsciously do better as well. And yes, that being said, this is the last HP reference, don't fret. Be positive instead. (Edit: Ha, look at these quips, the girl's all grown up now.)

Takeaway:

Your new occupation is to be a sunflower. If you think back, you'll probably recall Miss Honey rattling on about phototropic movement in AP biology. No? Me neither. Point is, sunflowers always face the sun. Put them ANYWHERE, hide them in the dungeons, throw them in a trash bag and shoot it off to the moon, they’ll still turn around and face the sun. No matter what. And taking inspo from that, you too can stop scripting creative soliloquies for being depressed. Happiness is YOUR right, YOUR priority, don't let anyone take it away from you or diminish its importance. DON’T let sadness ruin your vibe, do what you've gotta do to protect yourself. Track happiness in yo’ journal, set 84 reminders on your phone, and tattoo “Long as you’re beaming up at the sun, all the shadows will be left behind” on your boobs. Do whatever, just don’t turn the corners of your mouth down. You’re so pretty this way.

The other day, I was doing the deathly Plié Alternative Heel Lifts (these names, I swear) and my legs felt dead. Gone. Put to sleep like the Wicked Witch of the East. Now obviously, the timer wasn’t not even halfway done yet, but my cheeks were already flushing red like dear Santa, and NOT because I was high on choco chip cookies. I sighed, and at that point, I was so over giving up. All this while, I’d been whining and protesting because my muscles felt sore, but in that moment, I made up my mind. I bit my lip and kept going. On and on. Keep pulsing, you got it, don't stop, was the mantra I kept chanting.

Won’t sugarcoat it, I honestly hadn’t died this much since that time Miss Honey buried me alive with trig assignments. My legs were now basically Play-doh and I was shaking, fighting for balance. A few seconds in though, something crazy happened. My legs went numb. My grumbling mind quietened and the pain vanished. That evening, I had the upper hand, not my physical perceptions of myself. I was powerful. Flawless. (Hey Santa, do you even lift bro?) Real talk, I was in the Zone, bitches.

I’m not sure if that was the result of excessive pain or because Wonder Woman’s spirit possessed ma bod, but staying loyal to my love for metaphors, I’ll use the experience to explain what I’m tryna get at here.

Look, here’s the real deal — if all of the greats gave up the second things got frowny, we probably would have no one to worship. Nix role models, nix inspirations, none to stalk on Insta - we’d all be bumbling about like Sad from the even sadder Emoji movie (no shade, emojis be lit).

And that'd be very sad (pun definitely intended). Hence, cue some tangible ways to boosting your grit, so that you can be your own superhero:

1) Get yo’self a goddamn motto,

2) Know your “Why,”

3) Repeat the cycle till it’s in your blood. Btw, Shawn, if you here, I’m still a single pringl—HEY PAL I SEE YOU, DON'T SCROLL.

Seriously, don't brush these prime steps aside. We're always going for the advanced modes, and deeming these basic levels a waste of time. Well guess what, compadre, YOUR LIFE IS A GODDAMN WASTE O’ TIME IF YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR BASICS RIGHT. Excuse my outburst, but listen. You can’t do a hundred bicep curls on your first workout if you haven't lifted anything more than a crisps packet. Likewise, if you simply jump into Life one day, and decide “ok, here it is, 12 habits to build, sleep schedule to fix, man to ask out, let's go,” you ain't getting nowhere, chum. Start small. Take baby steps. It's clearly not as fun (definitely negates the bragging on Facebook part of it) but it'll stick. You’ll create a consistency that not even Grandma's cake batter can achieve.

1. Talking mottos — For context, a motto that I always mutter (my mom thinks I'm cursing, oh what a bad child) every time I spill milk while making coffee is “Do more. Give more. BE more.” Not only does it help me stay right on track for the rest of the day but it helps me clean up my mess, figuratively and otherwise, or I’d just be sitting in a puddle of spilt milk, cursing adulting for real this time and with more laundry to do.

2. Why you need the Big Why — Owning up, I’m guilty of attempting to learn Welsh for less than 48 hours because I hadn't a single reason to speak the language. A similar thing happened with half of my 2018 resolutions, which had a bunch of rubbish like “Floss daily”, something my eyes got trained to skip because, um, who the hell flosses every day?

Lame humor aside, I still workout almost daily because I have my Why straight. 1) I want to feel good about my body and get closer to the confident badass I envision my future self to be, 2) I simply HAVE to sustain my health to live to build my legacy and fulfill my dreams of opening a bakery at 90 and 3) Because I’m an influencer, and want to walk my talk and be the inspiration people need. Those are the reasons as to why I turn up to my yoga mat everyday, shut my jabbering mind, and keep on pulsing. This “Why” strategy applies to everything. Wanna get outta depression? Why? Wanna lose 20 pounds? Why? Wanna listen to your dentist’s desperate pleadings and floss already? WHY EH? Unless you know your intentions, you’ll give up at the first chance you get to not act on your goals. And watch out, because there'll be a LOT of those.

For me, leaving a legacy behind means more than having a slice of cake or missing a workout because there’s a fun movie playing. Find what's important to YOU, make it your why, and go marry your goals.

3. And then, Repeat — Bear in mind, if you're not living your best life yet, there are NO weekends. NO work-shy days. No weak days, no pick-me-up days, no eat-candy-do-nothing days. Everyday is a damn Monday. EVERYDAY is life or death. Every holy day you wake up is a chance to push your limits, challenge your mindset, and see how far you can go. And every 24 hours, when the cycle starts again, it’s your mission to race to build a stronger, wiser and crazier you.

And who knows, perhaps one day, you and I will just be casually sipping tea in our dream home, laughing at how the milk is still being spilt but knowing, proudly, fiercely, that we’ve come so far, even though there’s still more left to do, more to give and so much more to be.

Takeaway:

Quit quitting. You're, guaranteed, 20x stronger than you think. I doubted I could go through with the workout, it seemed beyond my present physical capabilities. But I did, because I treated it as life or death. Understand this, the second you start making excuses, for being depressed, for taking an unnecessary day off - you give away your power. You are a very powerful being. You're limitless, capable of everything.

I'm not throwing these words around to make you feel cute, I actually mean AND believe them. There’s so much that's been done already— the iconic four minute mile by Roger Bannister, invention of the light bulb, cars, toothpaste and other junk, people who lost both legs and climbed Mt. Everest, we sent a man to moon in frickin’ 1969 (50 YEARS ago), some ran a 26 mile marathon with zero training, love and hope is still strong in this world, oh let's also add coffee and motivational music— and YOU think you can't finish a workout or get outta depression or meet your idols or marry the man of your dreams or become the artist you wanna be? Ridiculous. Don't give away your power that easily, this ain't no charity shop.

(play ♬) Having personally dealt with unwelcome yet familiar feelings of emptiness quite often, I’ve now reached a point where each bad day is simply a reminder of how long my journey ahead is, and just how badly I want to reach my destination.

We finally near the end of this novel of a post (thanks for sticking around, bud), and my best advice would be this: Rather than wallowing in self pity and throwing one-man parties because your life is so awfully dreadful, know that even when life throws you to the floor, long as you can look up, long as you can read an entire book about defeating depression (cough)– you can GET UP too. Let those emotions of sorrow and frustration blaze up into a roaring, crackling fire that doesn’t consume you, but instead, urges you, fuels you.

Lately, no matter how much shit I go through, how many arguments I tumble into, or how barren my dreams look sometimes, I don’t break down. And no, it wasn't always like this. I never even had aspirations to name two years ago. Six months back, it had become a night routine to cry. Not anymore.

Now, every setback and every failure only pushes me to be stronger and give more than I ever gave. The day I made the decision to Conquer (truly, madly, deeply, with all of my heart) was also the day I said a big, loud ‘fuck you’ to every resistance that was to cross my path. I had finally understood that life was nothing but a battle of WILLS, that it was all in or nothing, and I made up my mind once and for all to NEVER give in to depression, or to society, or to anyone who tells me I cannot make it.

I had conquered depression. There was no looking back now.

Takeaway:

Here’s something no one will tell you: the key to bringing depression to its knees is seeing it positively. Pretend that it's a friend continuously sending strong, aggressive signals urging you to be happy. And what do you do when a caring friend throws some holy light? You listen, push past your ego, and follow accordingly.

And if that parallel seems unconvincing, here's another one (sup, DJ Khaled. This post is turning musical, sorry): it's scared of you. Depression is scared shit of you. Y'know how bullies are, right? Majorly insecure, self-loathing too perhaps, hardly fans of self love, and always trying to numb all that subconscious pain by inflicting pain on others. Depression has the same instruction manual. Your fears and doubts are your (pathetic) bullies, and depression is the big ol’ crony who does the dirty work for 'em.

Whenever you decide shit this is it, I'm going for it, they go paranoid and try stopping you because they've seen no better. And if they succeed, BOOM, you're depressed, paralyzed, your qualms reigning over you again. Don't let them in. I'll say it a thousand times if I gotta because I want (HAVE) to see you conquer – you're so much stronger than you think you are. You can do so much more than you think. It's all in your head! Don't just sit there, click away, and go back to living a sad life. You’re better than that. DO better than that. You’re meant to freaking CONQUER, straight-up dominate, my pal. Pay heed to that voice craving freedom. You got this. And you better know it.

One thing’s fixed like the (beloved by all) proportionality constants in Physics, you will come across depressing mornings and sluggish evenings even in the future. I assure you. Lots o’ bad hair days in the calendar, sis. But here's what you’ll do: you'll deactivate the miserable thoughts, keep a cool head, remind yourself that this is yet another test (better, rap your new mantra) and USE that hurt, pain, and anger to create a fervor and passion that wreaks havoc on its obstacles and drives you to accomplish EVERYTHING you've ever wanted to do. The easy choice would be to just give up, bellyache about the situation, and want sympathy for your worries. Yet, what you'll never do is… exactly that.

Rule 1) NEVER give up. Stand your ground. Have faith in your strength. Know that you'll have your way soon enough anyway. Rule 2) NEVER complain. All it does is drain your energy, that precious fire you could to high jump your way into the clouds. Makes you a pathetic wimp too, definitely not something you want on a warrior’s resume. Lastly, Rule 3) NEVER seek validation. From anyone. It sure feels nice to be acknowledged and encouraged, but grasp this— this is your journey. YOUR life and YOUR vision. Validation won't get you anywhere, for there'll never be enough of it.

Cuz Marty, if you're tryna bring something new, different, and authentic into this world – you'll most likely be hated on badly, before you'll be loved madly (hi, me a rapper). Learn to invite hate instead—IMPORTANT: hate from others, not yourself. Sounds counterintuitive, but this is the real tea: hate is good. It means you're standing up for something, refusing to fit like a puzzle piece in society, and being UNAPOLOGETICALLY yourself. And it’s certainly a sign that you’re on the right path if you can ignore that hate and stick your tongue out at it.

Yet another reason to never seek validation is simply this: you have to fight for yourself. In order to meet your own expectations, reach the doorstep of the best version of you, and transform this world, you'll have to go wildly IN. Toil and hammer away. Shut out all the haters and non-believers, listening only to your gut. Importantly, learn to accept the rejection slips, validating yourself not with what Molly says about it being okay, but with the reminder that your time is coming soon. Depend on yourself. Validation will NEVER be enough.

I get it, it's a lot of homework, but perhaps you already realize that it’s THIS work that'll change your life forever. Not “how to not procrastinate, Jesus take the wheel” or “HELLO, life's a mess so here are ten things to do (you won't believe number four!)”. Clickbaits don't work, stop believing that a fancy planner is going to be your savior. There is no rule to making your life a masterpiece. You'll have to get to know yourself and your dreams (journaling, meditation, silent pondering), build the work ethics and the mentality needed (lots of work in this one, yet no strict framework to go about it) and GET GOING.

AND with that firework, I'll begin to slip away now. Again, I won’t say it’s easy, that’s cock and bull. Life’s no fairytale. You will never feel ready to start bringing your dreams to fruition. But, my darling (I’m being so nice yo, follow me), you must. You must force yourself to work for the future you want till it becomes a habit, an obsession. The world badly needs heroes; confident people who can stand for themselves so that others can stare at first, maybe even hate a little, but then follow because they seem unstoppable and are, truthfully, having the most fun at life. YOU'RE one of them. No validation, just plain facts.

You see, conquering is a LOT of blood and sweat (K-pop, anyone? BTS? Lmao, this is me tryna clickbait y'all to read). Even getting up will seem huge when you're just starting out, and this is one long road, dear pal. Still then, I have enough faith in you to hope you don't give into your fears, I hope you willingly chase discomfort, and I hope you find the courage to do all that you want to do, while that heart's still beating.

I hope you conquer. I'll do too, and I'd really like to see some familiar faces during the ride.

Peace, amigo.

A loud ass A/N: And now, we come the most important part of this post. WAKE UP Luke, stop snoring, and take some notes. Remember kids, I won't accept anything but an A.

If you couldn’t identify yourself throughout this post and currently are scoffing like um woman, that's not really why I'm depressed, hang in there a sec. Yes, you can stop singing It Ain’t Me now. You've a very nice voice by the way.

I'm not a doctor, and I don't have enough exposure to know why so many earthlings are depressed today. HOWEVER, by talking to many, following their stories, watching and reading stuff – I do know with firm conviction that a majority suffers from severe unfulfillment. Don't believe me? A study shows 85% of the working class worldwide hate their jobs. Do you realize what that actually means? EIGHTY-FIVE PERCENT of the THREE BILLION PEOPLE employed today, hate being employed in the first place! They do it for prime survival, to sustain themselves. And that's just jobs. I won't scare you, but 50% (yes, HALF, you heard that right) of students HATE going to school. Kids waste SEVEN hours of their life every day going somewhere they dislike, doing something they hate. Who's singing now?

People find themselves trapped in golden handcuffs, taking the paycheck despite the passionless job. They push aside the art and business they love, to become a slave of good ol’ cash. Several surround themselves with negativity and get frustrated when unable to escape the choking (no, not THAT kind again, hello someone pour holy water over this post) atmosphere. An innumerable are forced into taking up courses that they don't care about under parental pressure. The reasons are endless, and I don't think I'll amuse myself listing all the sad excuses.

This has always been the story. Hundreds of influencers have preached the same words I’m tryna put into your head here and you’ll yourself say you’ve heard this a million times. YET, you’re dissatisfied. YET, you feel like crap everyday, feeding yourself the same lie that the next day will be better, that you’ll get up tomorrow– while you let life beat the shit out of you.

That’s why, all of my words, everything you’ve read today - all of that boils down to just one single question. A difficult but necessary choice. Will you let this happen to YOU? Will you, seriously, even after this wild ride together, go back to doing nothing and being nothing? Will you, for real, continue deceiving yourself, sacrifice your happiness for the sake of pleasing everyone else, and remain a statistic on a website?

(play ♬) If you’re not sure of your answer, read: Look, making you feel guilty is not my intention, because that’s not how this works. I need you to understand instead. Guilt wears off, it’s only understanding that brings about change. So, just for old times’ sake, I’ll rant a bit more (ik, just can’t seem to leave y’all).

You’re so, so young right now. More than half of your life is yet to be experienced. None of this probably makes much impact right now but it will the day you die. Remember, on your deathbed, you won't EVER look back and say, “Damn, wish I'd spent more time at the office. Saved up just one more dollar. Could’ve got that promotion before Amy.” Nay, it won’t even be on the calendar. That day, one foot in the grave, you'll reflect and wonder why the heck you didn’t let yourself be happier. Why you took up that lacklustre, soul-sucking architect job when all you've ever wanted to do is keep laughing. Why you didn't ask your crush out, why you were so afraid to walk up to that audition, because dammit, you could’ve been running your own comedy show by now. Why you dragged around a karaoke machine all this time instead of singing your own song. Why you couldn’t love yourself. Why you submitted. Why.

And the moment you realize that you hadn't lived a life for you, you’ll be crushed. Broken. The arthritis in your grannie joints won't even compare and neither will the mild dissatisfaction you’re feeling right now. Those whys will haunt you, they'll terrorize you, break you. It'll hurt tremendously to know that there isn't a single thing in your long life that you could call completely your own.

With every death today so many dreams are left unachieved, crazy things left unchecked on the bucket list, and unique potential left unexpressed.

DON'T let that be you. Please. I'm still a mess myself, struggling to reach class on time and studying subjects that aren't exactly fun, when all I want to do is create content (read: fireworks) that is at a level of insanity, influence folks to do better, hold crazy world tours and meet-and-greets to give hugs, and get an adorable puppy so I can create a dogstagram (yes, I'm that mom). Sure, I could declare it's too hard, hang onto small-minded and negative people who whine endlessly, and follow the crowd, getting lost in it, with ease.

But I won’t because I can’t take the burden of those regrets. That painful unrest and discontent that nothing could cure, not drugs, alcohol, buddies, not even true love. For then I’d be just another drone, my controller in the hands of society, forcing me to see the world through its eyes. I can’t give in because I’m scared, terrified even, of wasting away this one life doing the bidding of others- folks who won't even notice when I’m gone.

It’s easy to be depressed and crib your entire life. It’s easy to think you’re worthless and that trying is pointless since nothing ever goes your way.

But perhaps, if you rise, if you simply DECIDE to have the audacity to fight for what you believe in, if you work and focus on becoming better, things will go your way. Life will bend to you, in awe, at your incredible relentlessness. Life will take one look at you, wonder who the fuck is this person? How the fuck are they so incapable of giving up? And back right away. And then perhaps, life will be such a blast for you that depression would become the past you never had.

I know you can get there, conqueror. It’s time you knew it too.

🌚🌝 Further reading? 🌝🌚

Last Post :— How To Get Back Into The Creative Process – For you, if you're in a creative rut. Get outta it and go create magic!

5 Reasons Why You're Unhappy — To help you identify & cut out CURRENT sources of sadness so that you can spice up yo’ life with some happiness instead. Definitely recommend reading AND implementing.

The Bubble Trap & How To Get Out Of It — One of my classics. Everyone is in one of these 'bubbles’ till they consciously do something about it; that's just how it is. Are you still in one? (Someone teach me marketing, lmao.)

The 5 Biggest Regrets of The Dying (from Greatist) — I LOVED reading this. Pretty much all you need to cut the crap and do meaningful stuff. Read it, memorize it, work it.

++ Want to request a blog post? Leave your request in my ask box! I'll get back to you with a reply, along with the average time I'll need to birth that magical idea.

Thanks for dropping by! It was a pleasure to have you around. If you wish to stick for a bit, I'd suggest picking one of the related posts mentioned above.

If you wanna check out my blog, here's a little something about me (y'all know I love the attention). What do I write about? Three arenas I dominate, Work, Lifestyle and Life, they are, my mate! Take your pick!

I post new blog posts bi-weekly, and my wins, & journal entries throughout the week, so follow me if you're into conquering life, leaving a legacy and being the baddest badass you can possibly be. I'll be your side pal, cheering you along.✨

And that was it, it's a wrap! Martha, shut the cams, Henry, pause the audio, and Nandita, I know you're pretending to be deaf, but Mom's yelling something about doing the dishes. Better skip along.

And you, fellow conqueror? Keep slaying life, doing the work and making it count. I hope you're well, stay strong and go conquer life. ✧

I'm sending you so much love, see you soon.

— Nandini 💌 (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

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