#dude is getting pissed for the sake of it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tgcg · 14 days

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happy day of egbert

CG: DON'T YOU JUST HAVE THE MANUAL SOMEWHERE?

TG: dude its the most overwhelmingly basic thing on the planet trust me i literally did all the other settings for you

TG: all you gotta do is point the thing at egbert

TG: half press to focus subject

TG: press down fully and bam done the shit is shot

CG: BUT --

TG: i know youre desperate for this to be rocket science but its genuinely like first grade biz i promise whatever pic you take is gonna be fine

===

EB: yeah, come on karkat!

EB: i am only going to be the birthday bad ass for like, 24 hours total you know.

EB: longest birthday of my LIIIIIIIIFE. haha.

EB: oh hey, from one birthday-dooms day guy to another…

EB: i am pretty sure you understand the magnitude of what i just said!

===

CG: OH HEY. FUCK YOU.

CG: I'M JUST ACCOUNTING FOR THE LITERAL FUCKING INEVITABILITY THAT WHEN I TAKE THIS PHOTO, SOME INSIDIOUS LITTLE KARMA GNOME WILL FROLIC ONTO THE SCENE IN AN UNBELIEVABLE STROKE OF LOATHSOME SERENDIPITY TO BURY ME IN 12 CUBIC METERS OF FOOL-GRADE FUCKING IDIOT POWDER.

CG: AT WHICH POINT ANOTHER HEFTY BOULDER WILL BE ADDED TO THE BULGING MACRO-BINDLE OF SHAME YOU PEOPLE HAVE FORCED ME INTO CARRYING MY WHOLE LIFE.

CG: SHIT, SOMEONE HAS GOTTA LOOK OUT FOR MY ASS.

TG: alright give us a sec

TG: huddle formation

EB: psssshhh, alright.

===

TG: youre not gonna fuck this up

TG: your ass is completely secure dude

TG: i got the double foam padded booster seat and you know that shit is strapped on this 5mph drive through quaint ol piss-easyville

EB: you know if it really is so bad you can just re-take it, right?

EB: it is really not worth aggravationing your sponge over.

TG: 'xactly

TG: knights honor that shit isnt hooked up to my ishades and will not instantly forward me a copy in crisp HD of whatever blunder youre cooking in your beautiful nugbone

===

CG: IT'S NOT JUST THAT.

CG: HAVEN'T I SHADOWED YOUR PHOTOGRAPHY SHENANIGANS LONG ENOUGH FOR YOU TO TOSS ME A GODDAM BONE?

CG: I MEAN. I FEEL LIKE I'M READY FOR THIS. I'VE BEEN PRIMED FOR THIS BULLSHIT FOR EQUINOXES AT THIS POINT, WATCHING YOU PRANCE AROUND WITH THIS FUCKING THING.

TG: woah wait youre legit into it?

CG: YES, I AM LEGIT FUCKING INTO IT.

CG: AND I KNOW IT HAS SETTINGS YOU'RE HIDING FROM ME. WHAT IF I WANT TO TAKE A BLACK AND WHITE SHOT, HUH? WHAT IF I WANT TO ADJUST THE "APERTURE" OR THE "EXPOSURE" OR SOMETHING.

TG: alright i dig the enthusiasm but maybe we can unwrap that shit when we dont have someone waiting for us

TG: i didnt know you were scoping photography man you shoulda said something!

CG: I WAS PLANNING TO! I DIDN'T ENVISION IT COMING UP SO FRIGGIN SUDDENLY MAN.

TG: i promise ill open the pandoras fuckin box of snap addicts anonymous afterwards alright

===

CG: OK, FINE. BUT I AM HOLDING YOU TO THA --

===

CG: HA HA EGBERT. VERY FUCKING FUNNY.

CG: FOR YOUR SAKE I SERIOUSLY HOPE THIS IS JUST AN EMBARRASSING NOSTALGIA-DRIVEN LAPSE IN HUMOR AND NOT A GENUINE ATTEMPT TO "PRANK" ME. I REALLY DO!

EB: huh? who is this "egbert" you speak of? i have never heard of such a character.

CG: OH, JUST THIS BULGECRUD-HUFFING IMBECILE THAT FALLS BACK ON SHITTY PRACTICAL JOKES SO PLAYED-OUT THAT THEY PHYSICALLY HURT TO BEAR WITNESS TO.

CG: MY LOWER JAW IS THREATENING TO REVERSE-DROP WITH ENOUGH VELOCITY TO BURROW DIRECTLY INTO MY THOUGHT SPONGE, KILLING ME INSTANTLY.

CG: SO EITHER GET SOME NEW MATERIAL OR GET ME TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM, YOUR PICK.

EB: damn, ok. that does sound like some pretty serious bullshit, but…

===

EB: whoever that weirdo next to you is kind of seems like he needs medical resistance more than you do!

CG: WHAT

#homestuck #413 #davekat #dave strider #karkat vantas #john egbert #june egbert #j egbert #comix #happy day of egbert

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writingouthere · 2 months

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singlemom!reader x neighbor!Sukuna. Valentine's day special. Sukuna gets your daughter to help him out on your first Valentine's Day together

cw: none really, maybe too much fluff?

"Alright, sweetheart, you got this?"

Your daughter nods her head, her determination so reminiscent of you that Sukuna falls a little harder in love.

"When I say, princess, you're going to...."

"Come to the livin' room with the box," your daughter recites faithfully and Sukuna nods.

"And you know what you're going to say to mommy?"

Bug nods again and he's kissing her cheek in adoration when he hears an annoying groan.

"Oh my god, how much longer is this going to take," Yuuji complains while he holds up one end of a long string of twinkly lights, one of his uninvited friends holding the other end.

"I can't believe getting pussy has turned you into this," Fugisaki says from where she is arranging some flowers on the coffee table, shaking her head as if she knows a fucking thing.

"It is a lot."

He says less, but somehow Fushiguro's condemnation of his behavior pisses him off the most. Sukuna picks up his daughter while he walks over to where his little brother is on a ladder.

"If you mother fuckers don't stop cursing around my kid, I'm going to knock you on your fucking asses."

Yuuji looks down at him, unconcerned. "Dude, you just cursed like a million times."

Sukuna kicks over the ladder and Yuuji falls, bringing down the lights him and Fushiguro had been hanging for the past half hour.

The other boy looks over at them, green eyes furious. "For fuck's sake-"

"Oy, what did I say about swearing in front of my fucking kid?"

"I can't believe you're about to get a woman to marry you," Fugisaki says, standing up and tilting her head to look over the decor that wasn't just ripped from the walls.

"I will call Zenin and tell her that you cried while stalking her instagram when she had that away tournament when you were on a break."

Her head snaps up and she narrows her eyes at him. "You wouldn't."

"I recorded a video," Sukuna says, pulling out his phone while Bug giggles on his hip,

"If you do that, I'll tell your girlfriend that you wrecked her apartment so she'd have no choice but to move in with you," she tells him, crossing her arms over her chest.

Sukuna turns to glare at Yuuji. "Snitch!"

"Don't do sketchy ass shit and I won't have things to snitch on," Yuuji says, rubbing his back which had landed right on the floor.

Sukuna and Kugisaki stare at one another until he puts the phone away and she looks smug.

"Finish decorating and then get the fuck out of my apartment."

"Fuck!"

Everyone turns to look at the little girl who had just said her first swear word. Fushiguro is pressing his fingers to his temple like he's the one who's going to get in trouble for this. Yuuji and Kugisaki look delighted.

"You're so fucked, dude," the brat tells him and Sukuna sighs.

"Let's go practice in the other room, sweetheart," Sukuna says to his now fouled mouth daughter. "We'll let the help finish up over here."

Sukuna ignores three separate cries of "Hey!" and hopes that your daughter drops her newly acquired vocab before you come home.

"Alright, when I say princess...."

---------

When you walk in and see the apartment, you look excited if a little suspicious.

"What's all this? I thought you said Valentine's Day was a corporate conspiracy to take money from losers who should have been weeded out from natural selection."

"This isn't about Valentine's Day," Sukuna tells you and you hum as you take off your jacket and put your stuff by the door.

"Okay, just a coincidence then?"

"Sort of," Sukuna concedes and then pulls you towards him, your eyes looking around at the twinkle lights that have been placed all around your living room. There's flowers on the table, not roses because he wasn't corny, he'd gotten a mix of your favorites and you look pleased in that way you did whenever he did something that showed he paid attention to you.

"So what's the special occasion?"

The long answer was, it was in part because of Valentine's Day, but it was something he'd known was coming since the day he'd met you.

Bug had written many cards in the week leading up to Valentine's Day, everyone in your lives had gotten one. Sukuna had been proud to have received more than anyone, aside from you. Uncle Yuuji had pouted he'd only gotten two until Kugisaki had punched him, saying she'd only gotten one and she'd had to share it with her girlfriend.

The card that had started this whole chain of events had looked like any other. A heart clearly cut out by an adult, colored varying shades of red and green, Bug's favorite colors at the moment. On the inside, it had said, Happy Valentine's Day Daddy!

Happy Valentine's Day Daddy.

The words had been written by an adult, but Sukuna wondered what had happened to get them there. Had the teachers made the same card for everyone, which seemed rather obtuse even to him, or had Bug requested a card for him. For her dad.

Bug still called him 'Kuna, and he didn't mind. She was young and you had only been together for a little over a month. He didn't expect things to change overnight and considering the little girl had already lost one father, he could understand if she was hesitant to use the title again.

But it was there, in writing, and Sukuna just couldn't wait anymore for it to be true.

He had been so pleased that the two of you were officially together that he hadn't pushed for more. He had thrown around words like forever and wife, more than once and you seemed receptive but those words had stayed mostly in the bedroom.

The two of you were even trying for a baby, although that was another thing that remained mostly behind closed doors. Sukuna hadn't given this part of his plan much thought, but he had assumed that once you were pregnant, it would be a quick matter to convince you to marry him and put his ring on you so you could never escape him with a child and the law to bond you two together.

Getting you knocked up could take months though, even giving it as much effort as he was every night and he didn't want to wait anymore. He wanted to call you his wife and Bug his daughter. He wanted to call you his in front of the few people he didn't actively hate and he wanted to know that when he woke up, you would be there too.

So here he was, in the apartment you both shared, holding your hands in his, seeing what they looked like without his ring for hopefully the last time.

"Sukuna?"

"I'm getting there, be patient," he told you leaning in to kiss you. You responded eagerly and you leaned up so he had easier access to your mouth. Keeping in mind the little girl definitely listening in, he pulled back. He took a second to appreciate the way your eyes were almost hazy with desire and the way your lips look freshly kissed.

"I need to be the impatient one tonight," he says and he gives you one last kiss just to savor you. "I can't wait any longer, princess."

There's a quick pause and you look a little confused, mostly curious, when the door to your daughter's room opens and your little girl steps out. She's dressed in a beautiful white dress. She'd picked it out when Sukuna had taken her shopping the day before and she had a crown of flowers on top of her head, courtesy of Kugisaki who Sukuna maybe hated a little less right now.

You smiled at your daughter and held out your arms for her to come to you and she did, holding her dress up as she ran to you.

"You look like a princess, my love."

"Imma princess, just like you," she says and you look at Sukuna fondly.

"Guess that's why we got such a charming prince with us, right?" You tease and Sukuna doesn't care how corny it is, this moment is just for your little family anyway.

"We got something to ask you," Sukuna says and he nods at Bug, who opens up a sparkly purse.

"You do?" You ask and he sees realization start to sink in. "Sukuna-"

Bug pulls out the box and holds it out to you. "Mommy, can 'Kuna be my daddy now?"

You look at the box and then look at Sukuna.

"Is this-?"

"Open it and see," Sukuna tells you and he reaches over to grab your daughter who giggles and he holds her tighter as she looks over at you.

You open the box and in it sits a ring. Sukuna had bought it before the two of you even started dating. He had seen it in the window of a shop and just known it would look beautiful on you. You bite your lip and your eyes begin to well up with tears.

"So? What do you say, princess? Marry me?"

You're crying now and he sees Bug start to get a little worried before you're smiling and leaning over to kiss Sukuna, your hands holding his face to yours. He grins against your mouth and uses his free arm to pull you closer, his whole world in his arms now.

"Yes, yes, yes!"

"Yay!" Bug cheers and you both kiss her face as she giggles and pushes against you.

You let Sukuna pull the ring from the box and put it on your finger, where it will stay forever if he has anything to say about it. You look at him in confusion when he holds his own hand out.

"There's another ring in that box for a reason," he teases and you look at him in confusion.

"Isn't this a ring for after you're married?"

"Well there aren't a lot of pretty engagement rings for men, but if you get to walk around showing everyone you're mine until we tie the knot, I want everyone to see I'm yours."

You start crying all over again and you put the golden band on Sukuna's finger and he can't help the pride he feels at the sight of it. The knowledge that everyone will look at it and know he belongs to you.

"We don't need to rush the wedding, it can be up to you," he tells you. "I'll marry you in the summer or the fall, or we can go to City Hall tomorrow and take the kid to honeymoon at Disney for all I care. I just want to be married to you."

You smile and then you look up at him shyly. 'Well we probably shouldn't wait too long."

He raises an eyebrow and then you put your hand on your stomach.

"We should probably do it before I start to show, don't you think?"

That's the end! Are you actually pregnant or are you just being cautious, who knows! Hope you enjoyed, I wrote like 2,000 words, deleted all of it after I wrote the scene at the beginning of this one. Is that me learning how to edit?

Appreciate all of your support always and hope you know you are loved and amazing today!

#jjk sukuna #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen sukuna #ryomen sukuna #sukuna ryomen #sukuna x reader #sukuna x y/n #sukuna x you #jujutsu kaisen #sukuna x singlemomreader #valentines day #jjk x y/n #jjk x you #jjk #jjk au

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thatgirlonstage · 1 year

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Re: whether or not Miles actually has the real Mona Lisa: while it being the real thing does provide greater commentary I propose to you that the painting being fake unlocks the potential for a short film about the horrified and pissed off Louvre employees who can’t believe they’ve been asked to turn over The Mona Lisa to this guy scrambling to put together a fake and hide the real one. In terms of the commentary, you can even have your cake and eat it too, if the French government agrees to loan it out bc billionaire corruption and so it’s the average museum employees lying through their teeth to the government and risking felony offenses to protect the art.

My proposed cast of characters:

1. The elderly curator who’s forgotten more about da Vinci and renaissance art than most people learn in a lifetime, was mentored by a dude who smuggled art out of France to hide it from the Nazis and the second he sees the request from miles is like “M. Laurent did not get shot in the leg by a Nazi shithead for me to simply hand over Joconde to this idiot, he would crawl out of his grave and murder me himself and he would be right to do so”

2. The art conservation and repair expert who has worked on the Mona Lisa personally for the past decade, knows her better than just about anyone else in the world, one of probably like three people alive who’s allowed to actually touch her, comes across as high strung and business like but has the deepest and most genuine love for the art pieces and is fiercely dedicated above all else to the idea that art belongs to EVERYBODY, that her job is not the preservation of art for art’s sake but the preservation of art for future generations to see and fall in love with just like she did

3. The 18-year-old who was supposed to be here on an internship except The Covids Happened and now they’re in a bizarre employment limbo where they are sort of still interning but the actual job is not at all what it was supposed to be. Enthusiastically anarchic and socialist and almost concerningly Down For Crime

Together they have to team up for a mini heist-like adventure to convince Miles Bron and the French government that they are handing over the real Mona Lisa while engaging in shenanigans to keep the real thing safe and hidden

#knives out #glass onion #glass onion spoilers

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ew-selfish-art · 9 months

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Dp x Dc AU: Not exactly a meet cute between Jazz and Jason.

Jason's had a long night of beating the shit out of a gang that dared to sell in his territory, the last thing he needs is the Bats on his tail. He can always sense them when he leaves Crime Alley- they watch for him. Waiting for him to fail. It pisses him off.

So Jason shakes his tail, he's pretty sure it's the demon brat, parks his bike, removes his helm and heads into the loudest bar he can find, ditching his mask along the way. There are no camera's and there was no one watching, so Jason just looks like any other angry frat guy at the bar. Well, he supposes that the Leather jacket might be a stand out.

He grabs a drink, and looks at the time. Jason just needs to wait out the chance that a baby bird saw his bike and hope that curfew kicks in before this has to be a 'conversation'. Besides, the music is good and despite all the people, the crowd is pretty behaved.

"Hi! I'm so glad you're here!" A woman approaches, he can tell she's had a few drinks from her walk but her eyes scream sobriety and fear. She's tall in her flats, her hair looks disheveled (from dancing maybe) and her outfit screams 'this is the one fun black top I own'. She's beautiful and her approaching him might've been a wet teenage dream if his suspicions weren't immediately raised.

"I certainly am here." Jason replies, a smirk set into his features easily and as he straightens out his back he can see the three men watching the back of her head like predators. They're wearing super lame white hoodies and coats, like they're organized somehow.

"That's why you're my hero! Always ready to grab me at a moment's notice! Any chance you'll be good to leave after you finish that drink?" Her eyes are pleading but she keeps the same happy smile and joyful tone the whole time.

"Nah, no worries about the drink. It was cheap and I was just getting bored with it anyway. " Jason explains, setting his glass down on the counter. He's mentally photographed the three creeps, "Did any of your friends also need a ride home?"

"Nope! They all got in an uber... without me. So they'll be just fine!" She explains and there is an anger in her eyes that clearly meant she was telling the truth. Her hands are straightening out his jacket collar, making it look like they're more comfortable with each other than just strangers. She lays her hands flat on his chest once her task is completed and Jason feels his throat go dry.

"I'm always telling you to find better friends. Now c'mon, I parked out back." he wraps an arm around her waist, though its not tight, and peers over his shoulder. These guys weren't going to leave without a fight it seems, Dumb, Dumbie and Dumber are all watching her with evil in their eyes.

The two of them walk out and before she can even say thank you, the door swings back open and she's sucker punched one of the assholes and Jason's pulled his gun out for the other two.

"You gents are gunna go home, or you're gonna end up in the dirt. Pick." Jason growls. Not taking him seriously at first, he shoots one dudes foot and the last one standing looks like he might pass out. He picks up his fallen comrades and backs away into the bar.

"For ancients sake those dudes were trying to traffic the hell out of me." She sighs, and Jason holsters his gun.

"Yeah no shit. You okay?" Jason inquires.

"I will be. I'm Jazz, thanks for saving me Hood."

"I'm no-"

"You're literally leaning comfortably on Red Hoods motorcycle that still has his helmet perched on it. No one would do that unless they were suicidal or him." She challenges, but then a look changes in her eyes and she almost looks nervous "But still, do you uhm, wanna get out of here?"

He blinks. She was trying to pick him up? AFTER finding out he was a crime lord??

The answer is that yes, Hell Yes, Jason does want to get out of here. None of the Bats will bother him while he has a civilian, not at the diner he takes her too and certainly not while he's taking her back to one of his safe houses.

Jason had expected one of his siblings to show up in the morning and cause a ruckus. He hadn't planned for a dude to let himself into his kitchen screaming about government agencies tracking Jazz down that wasn't related. Turns out it's her brother and he's floating and no he's not going to explain why he's there or how he found them.

Jazz has a lot to explain to the both of them and it starts with "So I can admit that I have a thing for motorcycle guys-"

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dc x dp #dp x dc #danny phantom #dc crossover #dp crossover #anger management ship #anger management #jazz fenton #jason #long post #your honor there is no way in my mind that these two aren't bangin within 24 hours of meeting #the chemistry is there #jazz was being followed by the giw and jason saves her #jazz is literally in love from that point forward #she has a type and he checks all her boxes your honor #danny just wants his sister safe but he will shovel talk the zombie later

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rex101111 · 4 months

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the best Vergil bit is still that one scene in DMC3, where we see him reach the site of his Ultimate Plan and he dramatically offers his blood, the Blood Of The Dark Knight Sparda, to a shrine with a completely serious look on his face, certain he's going to get what he was after...and then a little gameplay while later we cut back to him pacing back and forth with a honest to goodness huff and you can hear him clenching his teeth and his sword so fucking tightly when he shouts out "WHY ISN'T THIS WORKING!?" like a teenager banging the top of his computer, and then you hear him and see him take a deep breath to calm himself down because for fuck's sake he's the cool twin damn it.

It's a bit funny yeah but its a good reminder that Vergil is a nineteen year old kid. Way over his head, way over confident, and really pissed off that he has to deal with his annoying brother today more then he planned on. "Calm and collected" yeah, sure, so long as 100% of everything is going his way, the second one singular thing goes wrong Vergil is so very very clearly Dante's brother and its a bit of an eye opener to see our so called Cool Rival be just as impatient as the smarmy dude we've spent this whole time playing as.

#Devil May Cry #Vergil Sparda

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rapunzelbro · 3 months

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I've been reading your fabulous Lucifer and tall reader. I found a tiktok for a Lucifer scenario. I thought it was perfect just hiding little duckies all over the castle and hotel for Lucifer to find and to also piss Alastor off. 🙂

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8vdXanP/

The Great Duck Hunt of The Century! Ft. Lucifer & Alastor!

This title is so so so fucking specific. Remember my hiatus? Yeah I don’t remember either. I feel like I like writing for Lucifer and Angel more ngl and silly prompts like these give me inspiration. Idk why anywho enjoy~ Angel , Reader, Lucifer, Alastor Husk

Masterlist Taglist

Throughout your relationship with Lucifer you always found new ways to spice it up in the bed room

If you thought sex well, that too

But you meant something else, and that was The Great Duck Hunt of The Century!

What is it you may ask?

Well let’s just say Lucifer made a bunch of mini ducks out of pure boredom one day with you. So you snagged them all when you two were done with them

And spent the next 7 hours placing 500 in the castle and 500 in the Hazbin Hotel

Why? Because why the fuck not

Lucifer was excited and was happily looking around but when you got a text from Angel you knew you were fucked, screwed, in trouble

“Girl what tf did you do”

“Whatever do you mean?”

Why is Smiles yelling about finding ducks all over the hotel”

“Husk is literally finding them in the liquor bottles and choked on one of them and not the good kinda choke if you know what I mean” “🍆💦”

“I made a scavenger hunt for Lucifer that’s all 🫢”

“You didn’t hide any in my room did you”

“Hell no you’re my friend”

“Aw thank you sweetie💗 might wanna avoid the hotel for a while he is pissed I’ll keep rehiding them though. Ttyl babe~”

“Thanks for the warning”

Yeah uh let’s just say, after Lucifer did find a majority of them. Him being short Didn’t give him an advantage and you mentioned to him there’s a ton left so out comes Lucifer in bird mode

Dude is flying throughout his castle knocking so much shit over in the process to find these ducks and he is so fucking happy? Dude is so glad you did this.

It went on for hours

When you finish counting what he found you announce he found 500/1000

“HOLY SHIT THERES MORE??”

He didn’t know how you had so much dedication but he did and was ready to go to the hotel to find the rest

You texting Angel

“How many did he find?”

“I wanna say 100? This radio demons is ripping this hotel apart for them, Charlie thinks her dad did it but I let her in on it and told Vag. They think it’s funny as fuck. Well Charlie not as much but Vag is dying over here”

“omg did I tell you there’s bets being placed on this shit on if he burns the building down or not? Get your ass over here “

Lucifer makes a portal for you two because stepping into the hotel

Holy

Shit

It was a mess?? There were spots you didn’t even put any that were destroyed

“What the actual fuck?”

Everyone is just at the bar watching shit go down as Alastor is ripping the hotel apart for the ducks.

Lucifer is no where to be seen. This man’s instantly looking for the ducks and fixing up the building as he goes for his daughters sake

Alastor noticing you just appeared and him going up to you with his demon form practically almost fully out from his pissed this man is

“I’m hoping it wasn’t you who did this, or I’m afraid ł’ⱠⱠ ₱ɆⱤ₴Ø₦₳ⱠⱠɎ Ⱨ₳VɆ ₮Ø Ɽł₱ ɎØɄ Ⱡł₥฿ ฿Ɏ Ⱡł₥฿ Ʉ₦₮łⱠ ɎØɄ ⱤɆ₥ØVɆ ɆVɆⱤɎ ₴ł₦₲ⱠɆ Ø₦Ɇ Ø₣ ₮ⱧɆ₴Ɇ ₣Ʉ₵₭ł₦₲ ĐɄ₵₭₴”

His voice getting so fucking loud and static holy shit it was scary but you just back away as quickly as possible before Lucifer comes out with a fuck ton of the mini ducks before running infront of you.

Lucifer and Alastor stare at each other before Lucifer almost fucking launches at his ass for yelling at you

You instantly having to hold him back

“Listen you find these fuckers easily right? Help me find them and I won’t have to kill your little girlfriend”

“Haha fuck you. I’d love to see you try. I’m looking on my own terms “

Yeah he highkey didn’t want to take that chance regardless but he wasn’t lying when he said he was looking on his terms. Him bringing the ducks back to you as he found them

You counting them but Angel distracting you so much you had to double count everything like four times.

When he found them all the hotel surprisingly didn’t burn down, which caused almost everyone to give Husk money

“Hah.. old cats still got it”

Yeah Husk knew it wouldn’t be that dramatic considering if it had any involvement with you, or Lucifer, Lucifer could’ve easily fixed the building before it got to the point of that

He is fucking good

Alastor making the ducks dissolve in thin air once you counted them all and confirmed they were all found and Lucifer mourning the loss of his ducks while you and Charlie awkwardly comfort him.

Alastor instantly going back to his room with the worlds most irritating smile

“Please when you have this.. duck hunting again..you have it NOT HERE”

“Well that went better than I thought..”

And that was the end of the Great Duck Hunt of the century

It was the most fun Lucifer ever had.

And to see Alastor in that state was the icing on the cake.

He loved you so much and was 100% going to make himself a trophy since he found them all

It’s just the little things you do or even in this case the big things that make him appreciate you even more

Especially if it involves pissing off Alastor my god you got hella bonus points for that shit

Lucifer Taglist: @vendetta-ari @brithedemonspawn @katshyperfixations @aphestina @satansmanager @irethepotato @storydays @saturnhas82moons @zamadness

#hazbin hotel x reader #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel husk #husk hazbin hotel #hazbin angel dust #hazbin charlie #hazbin hotel #hazbin art #hazbin lucifer #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin spoilers #hazbin hotel vox x reader #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin x reader #hazbin husk #hazbin hotel valentino x reader #Hazbin hotel Lucifer x reader

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evie-sturns · 3 months

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𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 - 𝘔𝘢𝘵𝘵 𝘚𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘰

(enemies to lovers)

summary: you and matt have always hated each other, but you see him a lot due to the fact nicks your best friend. one night you stumble into their house drunk, matts the only one home.

warnings: smut, rough sex, mentions of being drunk, swearing, mentions of throwing up?

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i don't know how much i've had to drink, definitely more than i should've because of the fact im outside the sturniolos house.

my ears ring as i approach their front door, swinging it open and walking inside. the house is dark and empty, the floorboards creak slightly as i walk around slowly, trying to stay on two feet.

"what the fuck are you doing in here" matt says from behind me, a loud scream exits my mouth as i swing my body around to look at him. "nick?" i say in a slurred tone as i approach and grab the arm of the person standing in the doorway.

"im not nick, get off of me" matt says pushing me away "i need nick.." i mumble as i loose my balance. "are you aware of the fact its one in the morning and you've just let yourself into my house?" matt says turning on the light, i squint my eyes, it feels like ive been flash-banged.

i groan, still slightly confused on whats happening "you're drunk." matt sighs, "like always."

"i am a sober woman christopher!" i say, folding my arms.

"im fucking matt, not nick or chris." matt says, clearly pissed off.

"oh."

after a few seconds of silence i start - "so wheres nick?" i say walking towards nick's bedroom, matt grabs my arm. "stop. nick and chris are away for the weekend, and your getting on my nerves from how clueless you are."

i nod silently as i stand awkwardly, looking at my feet. matt just stares at me for about a minute before taking a step over to me and grabbing my forearm

"hey what the fuck dudee!" i whine as he pulls me towards his bedroom.

"im not leaving you to rot in my hallway." matt huffs as we walk into his room. "holy shit matt im gonna throw up" i whisper as i slam a hand over my mouth. his eyes widen before running over to me and throwing me over his shoulder, running into the bathroom.

as soon as he puts me down, every drop of what i had to drink ends up on his bathroom floor and on me. "for fucks sake!" matt yells, throwing his face into his hands, the next second ive erupted into tears. matt insantly removes his head from his hands and looks at me, his eyebrows furrowing.

"don't cry." he mumbles, walking over to me and picking me up by my armpits and placing me in the shower. he looks at me for a few seconds as tears flow down my cheeks "i think your gonna have to have a shower." he whispers and i nod "okay.." i say shakily rising my arms.

matt grabs the bottom of my mini-dress, his cheeks instantly flush.

he squeezes his eyes shut as he peels my dress off of me, leaving me in my bra and panties. he clears his throat, his eyes still sealed "just stay still." he mumbles as he reaches behind me and attempts to unclasp my bra.

after a few attempts, it falls to the shower floor. im still not sure how hes doing all this with his eyes shut. he sighs before yanking off my panties to my ankles "step out." he demands and i comply, stepping out of them as my tears slow.

matt reaches for the shower handle and turns it on, before yanking shut the shower curtain and letting out a sigh of relief.

as i rinse myself off i hear matts occasional grunts, i feel my eyelids grow heavy and guilt flow over me, hes cleaning up the floor.

i know i'm still not sober, but i'm well aware of whats happening now. "are you fucking done." matt groans, "yeah." i mumble quietly and he passes a towel through the curtain, i wrap it around my body as i attempt to step out of the shower, stumbling over in the process

"oh my god why is it so hard for you to walk." matt says, picking me up for the 3rd time tonight and walking me back into his bedroom, he yanks back his covers and places me down on his matress. he yanks up the covers before reaching a hand under, grabbing the towel thats on my body and pulling it off of me, leaving me undressed under his sheets. i let out a yawn before shutting my eyes, instantly falling asleep.

(the next day)

the blinding light blares through the window as i open my eyes slowly, i look around. this has got to be the most confused i've been in my life. i look over at the bedside table, the small clock reads 5:34pm.

suddenly a wave of realisation hits me, i am in matthew sturniolos bed.

naked.

i spring out of bed, the room is empty and a towel lays across the floor, i pick it up wrapping it around myself as i walk out of the room into the bathroom. my bra and panties are in the shower.

how the fuck did i get from the club, to here?

suddenly i hear footsteps coming into the bathroom behind me, its matt. my heartrate picks up as silence grows "tell me you remember what happened last night." matt says, cutting through the silence.

i shake my head frantically "did we fuck." i say panicked and matt instantly takes a step back "no no! the opposite honestly!" matt says defensively. he takes a deep breath before starting -

"look, you came into my house at one in the morning, you were the drunkest ive ever seen ya, i asked why you were in my house, you thought i was nick and chris. i was gonna take you into my room to call you an uber but then you threw up all over yourself and the bathroom floor. you started crying so i placed you in the shower, i took your dress off with my eyes sealed, and then the rest with my eyes shut. you showered then i gave you a towel and put you in bed. you slept for fucking 17 hours."

"you're lying matt."

he shakes his head "nope."

a silence grows behind us again "i swear i didn't see shit!' he clarifys and a soft smile spreads across my face "you didnt have to do all of that.." i say quietly.

"no i did, although i kinda hate you, i didnt want to leave you in a state like that." matt says, looking into my eyes.

"you don't hate me matt." i say blankly.

"yes i do-" his words are cut off by my lips colliding with his.

im expecting to be pushed off or something, but he kisses me back. his hand snakes round and grabs my ass, only covered by a towel. the towel falls to the floor, leaving me revealed for him.

i moan lightly into the kiss which it enough for matt to pick me up, take me into the bedroom and throw me down onto the mattress, the kiss is broken for a small amount of time as he takes in my naked body. "fuck.." he groans before yanking off his shirt.

"please matt.." i whine and he shushes me "patience." he says while pulling down his jeans and boxers in one swift motion.

his erection springs out and my jaw goes slack, before i have the opportunity to speak, matts slamming into me giving me no time to adjust to his size. he stares into my eyes as his thrusts become more frantic, "good girl." he mumbles as my half-screams, half-moans fill the room. i arch my back off the bed as white spots fill my vision. "taking me so well mhm" he whispers in my ear as i grip anything i can get my hands on. his tip repeatedly bruises my cervix.

"close" matt warns as his hair flops on his forehead with every angry thrust. without warning i clench around him, orgasming. he quickly follows, pulling out of me and painting my stomach with white streaks. he collapses on the bed beside me, pulling me onto his chest.

we lay there for a few minutes, both catching our breath as matt rubs my back.

"i hate you." i mumble, wiping my stomach.

"no you don't." matt smiles.

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ugh creaming i love this

#nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo #matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo smut #matthew sturniolo #matt x reader #matty smut

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presleyanswrites · 11 days

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Hey I got a request for jj

That jj is a single dad to a baby girl and he is to scared to hold because he will think he will drop her and John b everyday will try and get jj to hold her then one day jj was holding her on his chest then he takes her everywhere With him hope that make sense

Koala Care

dad!jj x fem!reader x daughter

a/n ahh this is so cutie! thank you for the request anon, love you bunches!

desc JJ holds his baby girl for the first time

wc 1.2k

warnings cursing, grammar, fluff

"Peaches?" JJ comes in through the back door of the chateau, carefully shutting it behind him as he walks through the kitchen to set down a box full of baby supplies.

The usual. Diapers, baby food, her favorite yogurt melts, more of his old band & surf t-shirts to wrap her up in.

He notices Aria crying her eyes out behind him in between the white rails of her bed. he must have forgotten to change her when he left. He also noticed it was pissing off John B who was trying to work on something probably useless and he caught the hint that he's been listening to her cry for at least an hour.

"Shit," he mutters, messing with his backwards hat as he turns his attention away from Aria for a split second to glance at John B. Turns out he was fixing a cooler for the boat.

"Bro." he goes over to him, kicking him in the leg slightly, "You seen Y/n? I really need her help knowing what measurements of tit milk I'm supposed to feed mini me."

John B rolls his eyes to the ceiling as he screws in the side of the cooler handle.

"First of all," he says through a gritted tone from a bolt in between his teeth.

"You gotta stop with the teenage boy, language wording shit."

He spits out the bolt and screws another nail into the bottom.

"You're like a dad now. Its your dick and your daughter, buddy. You really want your kid to go around saying, tit milk?"

JJ tuts. "Bro she cant even talk yet. Plus, I don't remember half the shit i said as a fucking baby. Maybe thats cause my dad probably beat the shit out of me where I like- lost half my cells, but i ain't changing. Plus, daddy will raise her to be the best hooker of man kind. Shes a Pogue, shes not gonna be a goody two shoes if my life depends on it."

John B turns his head around and gives him a look.

"Jesus Christ JJ, did anything click when your girlfriend popped a living thing out of her ass?" He purses his lips.

JJ points his lips downwards and shrugs.

"Or are you always gonna be known as the dad who raised a stripper?" John B rolls his eyes again, taking a weird clear plate out of his box, "Y/n is a doctor for fucks sake, she's the only hope for raising her I swear to God."

John B shakes his head, "I've told you everyday now. You haven't even held her yet."

JJ grips his hat, "Thats because im gonna drop the kid!"

John b slaps his forehead.

"You're litterally her DAD, JJ! Y/n popped a baby out of her kitty sack and you seriously didnt even touch her the day she was born." John B raises his eyebrows. "Do you remember that? Y/n cried in Kie's room FOR AN HOUR thinking you didnt want the kid!"

JJ opens his mouth to respond then stops.

"Whatever. Go back to fixing your cold box and shit," He turns his back to walk away.

John B changes the tip on his screwdriver, "You're gonna have to hold your own ass daughter eventually, dude."

"I hope you screw a nail in your dick!" JJ calls out and tuts again, mumbling under his breath, "teaching me how to handle my own kid..."

"im the one fixing this goddamn cooler so you can drink your shit ass blue moon chilled!" John b yells back, JJ opening the door and slamming it shut to try and find you again.

"y/nnnn," he groans, calling out your name, finding you sitting on the steps outside.

He kneels down and wraps his big arms around you, kissing the side of your head gently.

"Hi baby," he mutters, "How was work?"

you felt your head pulsating before forcing yourself to give a response.

"Hmmm fine. it was busy."

"Yeah?" he strokes your head, "Real quick."

You sigh slightly, "Hmm?"

"how much ti-" He stops, and clears his throat.

"How much milk do I need to feed Ari?" He says in a soft voice, knowing you had a blaring headache from your shift.

You exhale, leaning your arms on your knees.

"theres about 7 oz in the fridge."

He nods, "thank you sweets," he kisses your hair one last time before leaving you in peace to rest your mind.

He goes back inside the chateau, opening the fridge and taking out the bottle, reaching over Aria's crib and putting the tip to her mouth.

"there we are, sweet girl.." he holds the back of her head while she drinks gently, her cries settling down.

After Aria is finished, he stares at her for a moment.

Why was it so hard for him to hold his own daughter? He feels a wave of guilt floods over his spine.

He reaches his hands out, then stops.

"God damnit," He sighs.

"Okay." He stares at Aria one more time. "3, 2.."

"Fuck this."

He picks Aria up gently in his arms, his heart jumping as he does so.

"Holy shit," he breathes. "Oh my God."

He holds her to his chest, making sure to support her back, something he learned in a parenting book he found online as he feels his soul melt in his stomach.

"There we go," he coos softly, rocking her up and down gently.

"Hi love." he holds her up to look in her eyes with the biggest grin on his face.

"You have your mommas eyes, don't you?"

It's like he fell in love with you all over again. Just this time, it was a baby. And it was his baby.

He holds her to him again, hearing you opening the screen door to come back inside the chateau as he looks at you with the stupidest smile on his face.

"JJ.." you breathe, a grin full of your white perfect teeth filling the room as you jog over to him.

You rub his arm gently as you stare at Aria in JJ's arms.

"im so glad." You said, tears slightly filling the bottom of your eyes as your breath catches in your throat.

"She has your eyes," He repeats the observation he made earlier.

You nod with a sniffle, chuckling slightly.

"She has your lips."

JJ presses another soft kiss into the side of your neck.

A few days later, you noticed that JJ dorkily bought one of those baby carrier things to attach to your chest, and you had to admit it was pretty cute seeing Aria giggle with him, taking her everywhere he went.

John B was relieved her finally built up the balls to hold his kid, and if you were honest, you were relieved too.

Kiara bullied him everyday for taking Aria with him everywhere because the baby holder he chose was literally hot pink. Really hot pink.

He was so happy everyday. To be the dad that he never had. The one he had prayed and wished for everyday as a kid.

JJ was such a tough guy, tough face, tough love, tough soul.

but I guess not when it came to you and Aria. You and her were his new world and there was nothing in the entire universe that could take that away from him.

☆ divider & gif credits to @viixcyre @baby-bearie

my navigation ♡

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jtkys · 8 months

Text

Quick lil re4 rant

I can’t be the only person who gets really pissed off when I see edits of Leon’s face model, Eduard, because he has ALREADY SAID he doesn’t like it. And it’s so weird to see people sexualising him.. dude…? He’s a real fucking person?? He is NOT Leon. You are sexualising a real person who isn’t comfortable with it. Find Leon as attractive as you want, EDIT Leon for gods sake!!! You literally have him right there, so why edit the guy who he’s based off of??? Especially since he doesn’t like it???

Omfg and when people say that “my daughter from Japan” thing is pisses me off too like AUGHH STOP BRO. he’s got a Romanian accent ofc hes gonna pronounce things differently.

Learn to separate actors from characters and etc.

#leon Kennedy #leon Kennedy hcs #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy hc #leon kennedy angst #leon kennedy art #leon kennedy character ai #leon kennedy oneshot #leon kennedy comfort #leon kennedy headcanons #re4 leon kennedy #resident evil #resident evil 4 #re4 #re4make #re4 fanart #re4 remake #re4 leon #r

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luna-lovegreat · 4 months

Text

It's all "links meet aus" and "zeldas meet aus", but where's my "companions meet aus"?

I wanna see midna bash fi and navis heads together for annoying her

I mean can you imagine the sheer chaos of all the Zelda companions meeting and going on a journey together? They're all companions/guides! One of thems a talking hat for hylias sake how are they supposed to take initiative?

I think it'd be like Lu where they all just meet up, but can you imagine the chain just somehow finds out this happened (and twilight is just like guys I am so sorry about midna) (but they're also really oddly touched that all their friends met each other too)

Pretty sure midna would be the sort of leader, since the last time she was in a foreign world she just found the nearest dude and started ordering him around. By like halfway through twilight princess she was literally asking LINK to accompany her to get what she needed.

But like. 90% of the group would be fairies. Which can't heal. One is a talking hat who just needs a head? He can't go on midnas cause she throws him off with her magic hair, poor ezlo is just trying to keep up.

They also have these weird green shadows who come around? They don't talk, but there's a rock, a fish, a bird, and a lady who just appear and stab things and shoot wind water fire and lightning.

Also midnas really confused why wolf link just shows up and kills things every now and then (from botw amibo)

Fi is the one who can talk to Hylia and awaken memories and get guidance and information or whatever, but she only does this by ballerina dancing and the others are always pissed at her anyways "WE DONT KNOW WHAT BATTERIES ARE OR A WII REMOTE WILL YOU PLEASE GO BACK IN SWORD FORM ALREADY" "I detect there is a 90% chance you need a key to open this door" "wow. Your perception is unparalleled fi."

Also there's a boat. A boat. Who is also good at taking charging since he's a king, which causes some friction between him and midna, since she has to grab him by her hair to move him half the time.

And with the fairies. Again. They all offer advice mainly. And with the fairies a lot of their main role is speaking and getting attention and pitching in? They come on an intersection and there's a chorus of bells all shouting the same directions. Ezlo is trying to cover the kings ears from his place on the boats head

Also there's this ghost/spirit of Zelda that everyone just feels REALLY strong loyalty to. But she's just like this kid who wants her body back?! They try to protect her but she can turn into a purple knight and stab things so there's that. I think there's also some animal companions from ooa/oos so.

Side quests are nonexistent they don't care about a village or gathering frogs for a kid they are there to save the world on a mission linear plot it is

And it's interesting because you have so many of them who just vanish and then appear to give loud advice. All at once. And the fighting skills basically fall to those weird green shadows that shoot various elements and fight and randomly disappear. Midna and spirit Zelda can fight, and Fi can too (kind of like how she fights as a sword in hyrule warriors). Also up to you if midna is drop dead gorgeous or devilish imp.

By the end they find whatever enemy so they can go back and midna is so pissed by this point that she hears the word "batteries" from Fi and goes full on fused shadow and just obliterates the jerk

***I have not played all the games so do not know or understand all of the companions and probably got some stuff wrong

Bonus: there is a child in a village named Link who does not have the spirit of the hero. He is stalked for three days until Fi decides his vibes are off and they all stop telling him he's the chosen one

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