#drinking joke

[badolmen]

WARNING 18+

19

#ra speaks #it’s a silly joke/pun dw #we stay silly :3 #edit: #woahg. that’s a lot of notes. hi everybody o/ #10k. stop clenching your jaw and drink some water. #15k. eat some fresh fruit this week! I’m having kiwis tonight :] #20k. quit sitting like a shrimp it’s bad for your neck! sit up straight and do a little stretch every now and then #25k. I’m up at 2 AM but I’ll get to see the sunrise today :] if you can’t see that I hope you admire the sunset later today #30k. do something fun you haven’t done in a while. I haven’t drawn in months - I think I’ll paint a cat tomorrow :3

[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

#this is true #writeblr #warm up #relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes #amongst the Siblings #is like - ''this is so good u will love it'' #while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting #like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good'' #to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good #(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and #like. we're GONNA try the new thing.) #edit to answer why we had so much vanilla: #my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house. #it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out'' #even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter. #my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract #to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids #so like she was right to stock up #ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that #u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it #> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes #> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out) #listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9 #when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it. #3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters #i am the middle child #out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite

[delohill]

#golf #golf tee #golfer humor #golf swing #funny golf #casual wear #golf gift #novelty shirt #drinking joke #sports tee #golf lover #golf course #golf range #mens t shirt #weekend forecast

[doppostims]

AaAaHhH, Hambaagaa Sandwich to Diet Cocacola!

o / x / x | x / x / x | x / x / o

#cursed stim #joke stim #nyan neko sugar girls #stimboard #stim #doppo's edits #before you ask: cursed stims are the best stims /hj #coca cola #diet coke #hamburger #burger #destruction #coke stim #sharp objects tw #knife tw #wax melt #hearts #hands tw #food #drink #drinks #meme stim #pouring #drink pouring

[rongzhi]

CEO at a restaurant

English added by me :)

#douyin #video #tiktok #i don't usually translate the disclaimers on videos unless they have jokes in them #the timing of this one got me tho #in case you've ever wondered the tiny disclaimers in videos usually say stuff like 'filmed on a closed street' #or 'scripted; for entertainment purposes only' or 'not intended to misguide' #or 'minors should not drink alcohol' etc etc #basic disclaimery stuff

[onionninjasstuff]

this is part one! | next

#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt draxum #villain pb&j duo #separated au #aaaaaaaa lets not talk abt the flow pacing and jokes in this my writing juice is running out #draxum having a mental breakdown and villain-ranting to himself for 4 pages straight #hes drinking all of that copium rn #im super improvising this whole thing btw im not rlly sure whats going on #but im having fun! #i hope everything is readable lol

[turtleblogatlast]

Every day I’m haunted by the fact the boys happily swim in sewer water

Even if it’s filtered somehow there’s no way it’s not still nasty 😭 Bet they can defeat any of their villains just by accidentally giving them diseases I swear

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #bless their hearts but they’re nasty #it’s funny because like #each and every one of them has moments #where they’re a typical disgusting teenage boy #and then the next they have STANDARDS #can’t blame Leo for being so determined to go to a spa #even if he nearly licked his own foot that’s prob cleaner than anything else the boys have been up to in years 💀 #thank you shelldon for all your hard work cleaning after then 🙏 #they’re all gross teenage boys!!! #even Donnie he is NO exception here #bro was DRINKING A BEVERAGE while wading through sewer water he is just as gross as his bros #bro also talks with his mouth full he is no more refined than his equally gross bros fr and I love it #but yeah no way that water isn’t disgusting even filtering it would still leave grime on the walls of the sewer for yearsss #pros of them moving into an abandoned subway system is fixing their sense of smell enough to not be as gross #100% that’s part of why they didn’t mind being so filthy pre shelldon #because I mean they were literally raised in the sewers and they’re teenage boys like that’s a double whammy #THEY ALSO DONT WEAR SHOES #the few times any of them do the shoes are discarded before heading home 💀 #I love them tho they are endearing anyhow #April’s immune system must be godlike just being around them fr #honestly no joke Mikey’s probably the cleanest of them all #just by virtue of being a chef #Leo I see as a mixture since he no doubt loves to pamper himself so he’s clean like #a percentage of time before he goes out and ruins his own hard work #Donnie is similar in that he’s just VERY SELECTIVE about what he thinks is too gross #Raph may be more on the stinky end but it’s not his fault he has his stinks and eats things of dubious origin(esp since his bros ate poison) #Donnie and Leo really have the gall to be sick about Raph eating the origami salami but they have no room to talk #all their villains are prob like please stay away from us we have salmonella now

[spacebubblehomebase]

Shit post!

Don't take this too seriously, but LMAO XD. -Bubbly💙

#lucilith #spacebubblearts #my art #doodle #hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #lilith #eden #pre-fall #long haired Lucifer #adam and eve #headcanon #crack #treated seriously #serpent #look at our little apple pie #hey look I drew me again! #well my mascot at least #strawberry milk is one of my three favorite drinks that isn't a latte #the others are grape soda and mango shake #very random but true #lesbians #maybe??? #shit post #why did I draw this so fast??? #or at all??? #I keep seeing that Luci gave birth to Charchar and I know it's a joke but I think this hc can add up to that now that I think about it XD #angel lucifer #angel x human #imagine being a lesbian before other girls were a thing LOL skill issue- *dies*

[avatarthelastairgender]

i know the popular memetic wisdom is that americans will happily accept any jokes made about them by british people, but british people will immediately start bringing up school shootings at the slightest ribbing, but i don't think that's actually true. in my experience americans are just as thin-skinned about being on the receiving end of those sorts of jokes lol

#you make a single joke about Big Drink or Hamburger and they start immediately doing faux-ironic patriotism and making light of imperialism

[oceanwithouthermoon]

i always feel bad when i see how the point of a lot of saiki's personality traits flew right over the heads of a lot of fans due to him being an unreliable narrator and a tsundere lol.. so a lot of things he says are immediately proved to be untrue and often just him putting up a front, but some people dont pick up on it..

like i see a lot of "haha saiki would never want to watch a romance movie" guys there is an entire chapter (170) dedicated to him being like "i much prefer mysteries to romance stories.." and then immediately becoming absolutely enamored with a romance story.. he was lying, guys, LMAO

less specific ones include:

"i hate children, they annoy me" *goes out of his way to help kids, comfort them, be kind to them, etc.*

"i only use my powers for self gain/my own convenience." "anyway my mama told me to never use my powers selfishly so i always use them to help people and i try my best not to use them for personal gain<3"

"those guys are so annoying, i would never hang out with them willingly." "yeah it took them about two sentences to convince me to go with them. their thoughts seemed like they really wanted me to go, so i did. i didnt want them to be upset. not that i care about them or anything."

(sorry i post about this kind of thing a lot, i just giggle a lot at how the entire manga is so easily misinterpreted and thousands of people have watched the show but didnt pick up on the main characters most defining character traits and frequent bits.. i think there needs to be a masterlist or something disproving all the extremely common misconceptions about saiki k lol)

#not hating lmao its just silly #i once saw one of those 'how saiki k characters would drink their coffee' posts and for saiki it said 'black coffee' #and i giggled #what do you mean you think the guy who only smiles during really sweet moments or when hes eating sweets would drink black coffee #thats so out of character but they obvi were just going by personality which u guess is funny #that mf prob would make homemade pumpkin spice lattes drowned in sugar and creamer and whipped cream and sprinkles #hey genuine question to people who watched the anime this way: how was it still funny ? #him being a liar tsundere unreliable narrator is often the MAIN bit.. like in EVERY chapter.. #did u only pay attention to the silly mini jokes within the episodes and those were somehow still enough to make you love the show ? #or like.. what was it ??? IDK I GENUINELY DONT GET IT #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k. #saiki kusuo #meows post

[ohitslen]

They are doing the thing

#someone just changed their pronouns from he/him to was/were #a request this time from Instagram :) it was rlly fun OQKWK #Vash is immune to whatever it has and is having the time of my life #HIS* #my note for this was literally: Vash un affected by the drink. WW dead #that’s all there was to it and this is what came out #legato the low salary but dedicated McDonalds employee did this #Knives just green lighted the thing if that means anything #trigun #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #vashwood #trigun fanart #vash #nicholas trigun #wolfwood #lenssi draws #trigun 98 #though I tend to do an amalgamation of the adaptations as I see fit. I cherry-pick yeah #it’s MY turn in the WW death jokes

[ruija]

He didn’t let them sign up for Demolition Derby with the BattleShell

Retaliation:

#tmnt #tmnt 2003 #michelangelo #donatello #raphael #leonardo #master splinter #this all came to be because I wanted to make a 'leonardo of the landmines' joke #and... it turned into an eulogy #why is raph drinking beer you ask? As a sign of disrespect #I live for Leonardo tormented eldest brother

[e-vasong]

listen everyone’s all karnadeli this colindeli that and i get it they’re both so juicy. but let’s set shipping aside for a second because i also need people to be a thousand times more invested in colin and karna being slow burn best friends who come to a gradual understanding of each other and eventually bond over their surprisingly similar traumas and hangups. I want them to gossip over meals and share commiserating glances when the nobility do some stupid rich people shit. I want colin and karna to team up during arguments, and deli to be exhausted because he has to deal with the fact that his skalds have unionized. I want them to quietly have each others backs, even though they’d never fucking admit it if you asked. Are you all seeing my vision.

#dimension 20 #the ravening war #karna solara #colin provolone #I’m not the first person to joke about them unionizing but it’s true….we don’t gotta pit two queens against each other y’all #deli….can have two advisors. as a treat. #like obviously there’s still unknowns especially about karnas backstory #but we know she’s used to being considered disposable and has presumably #had to get very good at being useful to survive #and Colin was used by his dad to steal him drinking money #in a country where his true name would have gotten him killed #THEYD GET EACH OTHER #OR AT LEAST I WANT THEM TO

[thatnununguy]

joey claire? or maybe roxy? someone very silly

New art challenge: Draw Roxy drunk while being drunk!!! Thanks for the ask btw :3

#doodle #homestuck #roxy lalonde #btw the caption is a joke please stay sober and don't drink #its not good for you #im being a bad example right now #just celebrated my aunts Bday with the fam #dont do as i say and dont say as i do #i will probably be embarrassed by this tomorrow

[vcrnons]

the many faces of hansol vernon chwe, part 2 / ∞

bonus, feat.dino:

#vernon #vernon gifs #choi hansol #vernon chwe #seventeen #svt gifs #seventeen gifs #svt #going seventeen #gose #hvcfaces #*mine #1k #my gif #'sometimes i hyperfixate making gifs' j said in her about me. and you guys thought i WAS JOKING. ive been at this for hours #send help #why did bro come dressed for the barbenheimer double feature????? he's everything to me #BARE FACED VERNON IS SOMETHING THAT CAN BE SO DAMN PERSONAL #icb he dribbled the water* AGAIN #if he is nothing else. he is committed to the bit but i did almost spit out my own drink at the time of watching this so DOES HE MIND #*water because it looks too thick to actually be water but i don't even think i want to know what it was #anyway i fucking love him. that's all. i'm in love with him. good night <3

[krazieka2]

Fe3h Golden Deer Night Out + Hubert, because originally I was gonna draw all the houses, but believe it or not I always had something higher priority to do lol

#carrying over my posts from twitter choo chooooo #2023 art #fe3h #fire emblem #golden deer #hubert von vestra #as a treat for you tumblr users here were the other drunk jokes I had planned: #alcohol making Bernie's anxiety worse so she hides under the bar #linhardt having one drink and joining the floor pile #Dorothea & Ferdie trying to sing a bar song neither of them really remember #so they try to correct each other by singing louder than the other #Sylvain trying to get up on a table but Dimitri breaks in in half because he was arm wrestling #and then Sylvain joins the floor pile #that was as far as I got