- secrets i have held in my heart
featuring: jing yuan, bailu, yanqing, reader
warnings: a bit angsty ig, hanahaki au, blood, sickness, throwing up, coughing and just general sick stuff
Orchids grow where others cannot.
This phrase reigns especially true when orchids begin to grow in your body. Scratching your throat and clogging up your lungs.
You try to laugh it off as a small cough, a small sickness, as if the whole thing didn’t fill you with dread when you thought about the invasive plant infesting your every breath.
It isn’t until finally you violently cough over your sink that a bloodied white orchid petal came fluttering out.
Were… you some form of mara struck? You wondered in confusion at the collection of petals that grew with each hack of your lungs.
The high elder —Bailu— immediately takes up your case. Which is potentially concerning as you’ve gone to about possibly any doctor that will see you for some kind of explanation to your floral fever and none of them have had anything good to say.
In fact, they have nothing to say about your illness. No one knew what was causing the orchids to bloom, making a home of your decaying body; a pretty parasite taking you ahold.
The little Vidyadhara girl frowned upon seeing the collection of whole flowers and crumbled petals, all coated with a splattered layer of dried blood.
Bailu’s eyes squinted as she observed the floral.
Perhaps, it was some kind of achievement that you had every doctor and healer on the luofu stumped at your conditions?
It isn’t until you’re coughing out another flower, this time red covering it was still vibrant and liquid, that the healer decided you were some form of mara struck and needed to be monitored closely. Even as she wrote out her prescription and made you promise to come back the next week, you could tell she wasn’t too sure about what she was saying.
That did absolutely nothing to calm your nerves.
You go home after collecting your prescription and puke out leaves and stems along with the flowers.
Despite your sickness, work is work, you decided, and working as a tutor was fulfilling for you. You hope —prayed— that the sight of your favorite student, Yanqing, would bring you some form of joy. The lesson went smoothly, though it was clear your student’s mind was up in the clouds, but you didn’t comment about it as yours was rooted deep elsewhere.
With the closing of the textbook, Yanqing’s eyes light up.
“Can we swordfight now?” The teenaged boy asked.
You almost said no.
You had realized early on that Yanqing would do his work and pay attention better if you found a way to relate it to swordsmanship, or if you promised that the two of you would spar a little after a lesson.
There was a growing weakness in your body. It seemed that describing the flowers as a parasite wasn’t inaccurate, as every day went on you felt them drain the energy out of you.
Yanqing waited for your response.
You nodded, standing up and picking up your sword from where it rested on a wall. Once, you had used it as a cloud knight, now it only ever saw use when teaching the blonde boy.
Yanqing excitedly ran to the other side of the room, drawing his sword and getting into position. He paused, looking over at you.
When did your eyes become so sunken in? Your hand shook as you held your sword up and it became increasingly clear to Yanqing that you were in no position to swordfight.
Your student called out your name, a hint of concern in his voice.
“I— Give me a moment—” You called out, placing a hand on your head as a sudden headache came, making your vision blur and your legs lose balance as you head tumbling for the floor.
Yanqing tossed his sword far away as he slid to catch you.
Bailu is halfway through her yearly appointment with the general when you come in with Yanqing by your side.
You mumbled apologies for the interruption and swore on your life you were fine.
You had honestly not realized how bad things had gotten in the few days from the last time you had seen the healer.
Your heart fluttered at the sight of Jing Yuan.
The orchid also fluttered out of your mouth in a set of coughs that leave you out of breath on the ground, Yanqing down at your side again.
There are multiple voices speaking but your mind can focus on none of them.
Jing Yuan helped you up and you feel your heart clench up as a choke comes to your throat.
More orchids.
He whispered to you in a soft voice, trying to help you through this coughing fit as Yanqing explained the situation that had happened just a few minutes before.
Bailu watched this, shock painted on the girls face as she realized two truths.
You were indeed mara struck, just with a rare mutation that had gone out thousands of years ago.
You were also in love with the general
and it was going to be the death of you.
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