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junetuesday · 4 years

Text

sweetener - [ten]

Questions and Answers

Pairing: Tom Holland x Female Reader - uni AU

Word Count: 6935

Warnings: fluff, smut (oral [m receiving]), the odd f-bomb

A/N: wow ok hi it’s been a lil while!! i can only apologise for leaving you on that bit of a cliffhanger and say i’ve been going thru it more than usual i guess. i can’t say for sure if or when i’m gonna be back with weekly updates but i’ll let ya know! thanks for being patient and sticking with me 🖤 special shoutout to @fallingspidey for her endless support for this fic and for keeping me motivated and inspired over the last lil bit. however if there are errors in this blame her for prESSURING ME (jk don’t)

Add yourself to my taglist(s) - nb: lots of people i couldnt tag so lemme know if you changed your url or whatever!!

Updates...who’s to say...?

All in all, Tom was happy to be back at uni. It had been nice to see his family and friends (and his dog - especially his dog), but if he was honest then he'd have to say that his favourite part of his Christmas break had been talking to you. Texting, talking on the phone, Snapchats here and there - yeah, all that.

January exams were looming, so much closer and so much more daunting once New Year had come and gone, but you helped there, too. As promised, you'd helped make a revision plan for him. You claimed it was a welcome break from your own revision - which sounded truly horrific to Tom but you seemed to enjoy yourself doing it and it was actually extremely helpful, so he wasn't complaining. He was mostly sticking to it too, though admittedly he was having trouble concentrating. Everything was distracting, and nothing seemed to be going into his brain, and all too often his mind started to wander away from environmental factors on human mental and physical health and towards...well. Other things. Things that would most certainly not be on his exam. After one particularly fruitless study session, spent mostly attempting to decipher his own handwriting where he'd scribbled notes on a print out of the slides from a lecture he didn't even remember being in, you'd suggested that maybe you could study together once you were back - maybe that way you could keep each other on track. Tom had agreed, of course, but he was sceptical - if you were there he was fairly certain he'd have even more difficulty concentrating on lifestyle risk factor modification.

Tonight, though, was a designated Night Off. Tom had had to come back to uni a few days earlier than you to work (which was pointless if you asked him, no one was on campus anyway, but such is life - he just read through lecture notes [read: fucked around on his phone] in between the occasional international student or faculty member who happened to wander in), and now that you were back too you'd arranged to go over to his for the evening. After it turned out you hadn't seen any of Tom's favourite movies, you'd each made a list of five movies the other person had to watch with you, as a sort of cinematic education. Your list consisted of Fight Club (obviously), Labyrinth, Legally Blonde, Donnie Darko, and A Walk to Remember, while Tom's was Shutter Island, Se7en, Primal Fear, Tropic Thunder, and Spirited Away. The plan for tonight, then, was to order pizza, finish Fight Club, and then watch a movie from his list, and just chill together. Totally casual. Not a big deal at all.

By the time Tom had come home from work and showered (and tidied his room, changed his bedsheets, cleaned the bathroom, and tidied the living room) it was almost 7:30pm, and you had not long texted to say you were on the way and to order the pizza. That done, he'd just about decided on a playlist to put on in the background and was checking his reflection in the mirror one more time when the doorbell rang, an 'outside x' text popping up on his phone simultaneously.

Tom tossed his phone onto his bed and pulled open his bedroom door, ruffling his hair nervously. He'd had it cut just before he left home and he was still getting used to it - you'd asked to see, and when he'd sent a picture you'd said you liked it, but he was feeling a little self-conscious about it. It wasn't anything too drastic, but it was a good bit shorter than it had been before, so it was still a change.

"Hey," he smiled as he opened the door, stepping back to let you in out of the cold.

"Hi - thanks," you breathed, your words hanging in a cloud in front of you as you stepped over the threshold. " s'fucking freezing."

"You can just...yeah." Tom pointed to his room, shutting the door behind you once you'd squeezed past him with a small smile.

You left the fresh, almost metallic smell of the cold outdoors in your wake as you dropped your bag by the door, sitting yourself down on the end of his bed and toeing off your boots as Tom followed you into his room. You were mumbling something about how much colder it was here than it was in your hometown - or maybe it was the other way around -- he had kind of stopped listening when you shrugged out of your coat and he realised you were wearing his hoodie underneath it. He'd been pretty sure he'd seen it on you in some of the Snaps and pictures you'd sent over Christmas, but he hadn't been certain and hadn't wanted to ask just in case it wasn't it. He was sure now though, that was definitely his hoodie that you were readjusting around your shoulders, sorting out the hood where it had gotten caught on your coat. Cool.

You'd talked so much over the past few weeks that Tom had kind of forgotten he hadn't actually spent that much time with you physically - like, texting and speaking on the phone now wasn't a big deal at all, there was next to no nervousness or awkwardness about what to say, but in person? In person, it was a little different, so he stayed over by the door, waiting to see what you would do next. You seemed to do the same thing, though, looking over at him expectantly after placing your coat neatly on top of your bag, and it occurred to him then that it was his house, so he should probably lead the way.

"So uh, it said it'd be about an hour before Dominos gets here - I guess they're busy..." he trailed off, but you just nodded so he figured he'd better say something else. "Do you wanna go in the living room or, uh, stay in here - no one's home, so's up to you."

"I'm good wherever," you shrugged, shuffling back a bit on the bed and twisting to face him as he moved further into the room. "Let's see your new hair then."

Tom chuckled as he sat down, the sound catching in his throat when you reached out to touch his cheek. Your hand was cold against his skin, gently tilting his head to the side to properly inspect his haircut under the ceiling light. He watched your face as you looked him over, a smile tugging at the corner of your lips when he caught your eye.

Your nails scratched his scalp softly as you ran your fingers through the back of his hair, the hairs just long enough to poke up between your fingers as they travelled upwards until they reached his crown. The top of his hair was longer, still long enough to start to curl if left untamed by product, as it was now. Tom had to fight to keep his eyes open as your fingers worked their way through his hair, getting warmer by the second and grazing across his skin every now and then. It wasn't too hard though, he just focused on you instead, your face so close that he could see every detail in your face - even if he couldn't quite read your expression.

You hummed to yourself thoughtfully, pushing his fringe back into place.

"Well, what's the verdict?"

"Yeah." You fiddled with the pieces by his ears, your head tilting to the side as your fingers smoothed the hair against his temples. Your eyes flicked to his face and back to his hair before you nodded, nibbling gently on your lower lip, slightly glossy with lip balm, and, if Tom remembered correctly, soft and warm and pliable and--

"Yeah, I like it," you announced, and it took Tom longer than it should have to work out what you were even talking about, his mind already several steps away from his haircut. "Suits you."

"Thanks."

You leant towards him as if you had read his mind, your fingers carding through his hair again as you angled your face to his. Tom just caught your eyes drifting shut before he mirrored you, your hands on the back of his neck bringing him closer until his lips met yours.

It was only when one of your hands moved to his cheek that he remembered that he, too, had hands - two of them, in fact - and that right now they were sitting uselessly in his lap. He remedied that quickly enough, one hand going on to the bed to support his weight as he leant into the kiss, the other coming to cup your face. It all became a bit of a blur then - your tongue dancing with his, him shuffling backwards on the bed as you shifted closer, his hands moving to your hips to support you as you climbed into his lap. Tom felt you giggle into the kiss when you both fell back onto the bed, but you didn't break apart; your fingers twisting tighter into his hair. His hands left your hips, roaming your body instead — your thighs either side of his hips, your ass where it rested on his lap, your waist — anywhere he could reach, really. He'd just slid his hands under the hem of your t shirt and over your back, his fingers just brushing over the band of your bra when you finally broke apart to breathe, your lips leaving his with a wet pop.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Tom hummed in response to the words you murmured against his cheek - he'd probably have said yes to literally anything you asked just then, if he was honest.

"Just..., uh-"

You pulled back a little, your hands leaving his hair and pressing into the mattress either side of his head to support your weight instead. Tom lowered his hands back down to your hips, blinking up at you as you sat up.

"What's up?"

"How many...um, like, what's your...ugh-" you squeezed your eyes shut, shaking your head like you were trying to physically dispel a thought from your mind before moving to lean over him once more. "Never mind, doesn't matter."

Something about your voice and the look on your face told him it did matter, though, the weight of unasked questions hanging heavy in the air between you. He kind of knew what you were asking but he wasn't 100% sure, so despite parts of him screaming for him to leave it for now, instead of angling his face to yours, Tom tilted his head away from you.

"No, go on. What did you wanna ask?"

He propped himself up on his elbows as you picked at your fingers, his hands dropping from your hips to rest atop your thighs.

"Just like...who...like, have you, you know-"

"How many people have I slept with?"

You nodded, glancing up at him for a second before returning your attention to your cuticles.

"Uh, three, I guess?"

You nodded again before tilting your head to the side, shifting your attention from your right ring finger to your left thumb.

"And were they like...girlfriends...? Or, I dunno, you know..."

Your gaze was fixed so intently on your hands that Tom couldn't help but look at them too, though he wasn't really thinking about them at all. He was more confused about why you were asking about this now, and he couldn't really gauge your reaction to his 'number' - did you think that three was too many or not enough? And did you want them to be girlfriends, or not? It was all too much to think about all at once, so he decided it was probably safest to just tell the truth.

"One was, yeah; one was sort of a one-time-thing, and uh, the other one's you, so..." he trailed off, not quite sure where to categorise you.

"Oh. Cool."

Cool? What does that mean????

You took a deep breath in and opened your mouth like you were about to say something else, maybe ask a follow up question, but then your shoulders slumped and you went silent.

"Go on, what were you gonna say?"

"So like-" you began, sniffing as you turned your attention back to your ring finger, rubbing at a pen mark on your knuckle this time instead of picking at your nail bed. "Are you still like, friends with her? Your ex, I mean."

"I guess? I mean we don't really talk or anything but I saw her over Christmas when we all went out..." Tom's brain ticktickticked away as he talked, still not sure where you were going with this - until it clicked. "Oh did you see her on Instagram or something?"

Tom's insides felt weird as he said it, his tummy going all squiggly - until you nodded, and it flipped over altogether. He had noticed you had been a bit quieter when he spoke to you the day after Boxing Day, but he'd figured it was just because of that Post-Christmas Emptiness everyone gets, plus maybe you were irritated that he'd been drunk texting you while you were studying, and then you kind of went back to normal again and he forgot about it. But maybe he was wrong. Maybe you were...jealous?

"I wasn't like, stalking or anything, I was just - I saw people tagged on your story and I was bored so I was just, I dunno, browsing, and I saw a picture of you on her page and I..." You rambled, your words skipping each other in their rush to get out. "I, yeah, I dunno why I even brought it up. Sorry, it's none of my business I—"

"It's cool," Tom cut you off then, sitting up properly because it was kind of distracting having you shifting about on top of him while you were having this conversation.

You got the hint, shifting off of him and sitting cross-legged opposite him while he scooted back until he was leaning back against the wall at the head of his bed.

"Yeah, I mean-" he started, not really sure where to begin. "She, we - Kim, and me, we were friends at school and then I guess we were together for like, a year or so? Then we both went to uni and it just kind of...fizzled out? Didn't see each other a lot and by Christmas we'd kind of realised neither of us really minded so we just kinda called it quits."

It was weird to talk about, sure, but not exactly bad. It wasn't a difficult breakup, and, as far as he knew anyway, they were both kind of ambivalent about it. They'd had a good time together, and he supposed he did love her in the way that you do love someone when you're 17 and they're your first real anything, but they grew apart as a couple and it was just kind of...fine. Honestly, he hadn't even thought about her in a while.

You'd nodded along as Tom talked, humming thoughtfully when he finished.

"Is that not weird? Hanging out as friends after you were...more?"

Your tone shifted back towards normal, that hint of nervousness fading away and your head tilting to the side curiously.

"Not really?" Tom shrugged, trying to cast his mind back. "At first it was, I suppose. Like last summer - the first couple of times we saw each other were kind of awkward but nah," he shook his head. "Not really. Just kinda went back to how it was before - kinda had to, like we have all the same friends, you know?"

You nodded once slowly, like you were considering it, then again quicker and more decisively.

"Fair enough."

You reached out and started playing with his sleeve, your fingers grazing over his wrist. The heaviness in the air had lifted, your face relaxed as your eyes focused on the ribbed cuff of his sweatshirt beneath your fingers. Tom's flicked back and forth between the two, keeping them on your face a little longer each time.

"What about the other person?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah," Tom mumbled, his brain taking a moment to catch up with what you were talking about. "I had this one weird Tinder date not long after we broke up."

You laughed, glancing up at him as you fiddled with his fingers. "Weird, how?"

Sighing, he flipped his hand over that so his palm faced upwards, both of you looking at your hands as he spoke.

"I mean the date was fine, you know, like it went well-"

"Very well, if they're on the list?" you chuckled.

"Yeah, that's what I thought, right?" Tom laughed dryly. "But it turned out that she, um, she was kind of in this open relationship where they were both allowed to see other people - but only once?"

You stopped playing with his fingers, looking over at him instead.

"Oh?"

"Yeah...I dunno, like..."

Tom mumbled under his breath as his brain stumbled over the words, trying and failing to find the right ones. Somehow this was more awkward to talk about than his actual relationship. Maybe because that made sense, at least to him, whereas this still had him pretty baffled.

He didn't know if it was just because it has been his first time putting himself back out there and it hadn't gone to plan, or if it was because he really had thought the girl was into him and it turned out he was wrong, but either way the experience had knocked his confidence. It sounded stupid, really, it shouldn't have been a big deal - people have one night stands all the time, right? So what if nothing else happened and it didn't lead to anything more. Perhaps he'd been naive to think it would have, perhaps that was all on him. He didn't think he was, though - it wasn't like they'd met drunk in a club and ended up going home together; they'd been texting for a while before they met up in person. They'd had time to get to know each other a bit - and more than enough time for her to mention that, you know, 'hey, I'm seeing someone so this is just a one-time-only just-sex thing'. Maybe it was just the ambiguity of it all that he didn't like, maybe if she had mentioned it beforehand then maybe he would have still gone ahead with it and he wouldn't feel so weird about it.

As it was though, he did feel weird about it, and he'd never really told anyone what actually happened before, so he was struggling for words a little bit. He looked up when you started tracing the lines of his palm with your fingertip, though - it tickled a bit, but it was enough of a distraction that he was able to formulate a sentence.

"Yeah so we like, went for a drink or whatever and...yeah. And then when I texted her a few days later or whatever she was just like 'yeah no so here's the thing'..." he shrugged, leaving the explanation at that - that was all he knew, really, anyway.

"What the fuck?" You chuckled incredulously. "Surely that's the kind of thing you tell someone going into it, like 'hey, heads up-' kinda thing?"

Tom just nodded, sighing.

"But yeah, anyway, so that was that I guess."

He twisted his wrist so that your palms were pressed together, fingers interlocked, and gave a gentle squeeze. You gave him a small smile, and he hoped that meant you interpreted what he was trying to say without actually saying it: that he didn't really want to talk about it anymore, but that he didn't mind that you asked - he understood the need for clarity all too well. He wanted to ask you about your past experiences - boyfriends, girlfriends, anything - but he figured if you wanted to tell him, then you would. So, he changed the subject slightly.

"Can I ask you a question?"

You hummed and nodded as you let go of his hand, moving to reposition yourself.

"Do you have a three date rule?"

"Do I have a what?" you looked at him quizzically as you uncrossed your legs, moving to they were tucked underneath you and to the side, leaning your body against his outstretched legs.

"I dunno, I saw it in a movie I think. Like, some girls won't sleep with someone until the third date..."

Saying it out loud it sounded pretty stupid, but he'd said it now. He kind of wished he hadn't though because it sounded like he was saying 'why didn't you sleep with me?!', and that really wasn't what he meant, but then you started to laugh.

"Oh no - I uh. Before...I was...on."

"Oh..." he nodded slowly, his mouth gaping and eyes widening once he actually understood what you were saying. "Oh!"

You're such a fucking idiot, mate.

"Yeah...so...sorry."

"It's okay!" he laughed quickly. "I wasn't - I didn't mean - obviously you didn't have to, you don't have to-"

You silenced him then with a hand on his thigh, your face softening as your laugh faded to a shy smile.

"I know what you meant. I wanted to - I mean I, I want to."

"Cool."

That settled that, then. Tom just nodded as he leant forward, bending his knee up as he reached out to cup your cheek. Your hand lingered on his thigh, the other coming to touch his neck as he kissed you. You leaned closer, into the kiss - or, at least, that's what he thought you were doing, so he did too - but then your mouths bumped together a bit more forcefully than intended and it turned out you were actually getting to your knees.

"Sorry," you giggled against his lips, pressing a soothing kiss to the spot where your teeth had grazed his lip slightly. Tom breathed out a laugh in reply as you pecked your way along his jaw and onto his neck, your breath hot on his skin — until it wasn't anymore.

"Wait, three dates?" You sat back on your heels, looking at him with a curious smile on your face.

Dammit.

"Oh, um, I mean," - so embarrassing, Jesus - "If you count the, uh-"

"-the library?"

"Yeah," he mumbled, feeling his face getting hotter by the second.

But then you smiled, a toothy grin that broke into a giggle as you shook your head.

"You're so cute."

Unfortunately - or fortunately, depending how he looked at it - Tom didn't have time to say something incredibly cheesy like 'no you're so cute' because your lips were already back on his, both of your hands holding his face firmly.

He could feel you shuffling closer, so Tom let his body slip down the bed as you kissed, your hands on his cheeks keeping him close while his hands slipped inside your open hoodie to grasp at the sides of your t shirt to pull you on top of him. Your thighs straddling his hips, warmth flooded his body wherever you touched him, his hands wandering over your hips and thighs as your tongue explored his mouth delicately.

By the time you shrugged out of your hoodie he was properly hard - he had kind of been getting there before and it hadn't really gone away which was a little awkward but it was full-on now, pressing against your thigh through his jeans. Plus the way you were shifting about on top of him trying to get your hands out of the sleeves without breaking the kiss wasn't exactly helping. Your lips stilled against his for a second as you struggled but you got there at last, tossing the hoodie aside and onto the floor. Tom expected your hands to return to their usual position in his hair, but they didn't. Instead they pressed into the mattress either side of his ribs, your lips leaving his with a wet smack as you got to your hands and knees.

You crawled backwards down the bed, Tom's hands falling to his sides once your waist was finally out of his reach. He watched you press kisses to his abdomen, a strip of his skin exposed where his shirt had ridden up. He tensed his abs involuntarily (okay, maybe a little bit voluntarily) when you pushed it up further, glancing up at him as if asking permission before undoing the top button of his jeans.

Tom bit his lip as he lifted his hips, tucking his thumbs under the waistband to help you push his jeans down to his knees. Your hands rested on his hips as you repositioned yourself back over him, your thumbs moving in slow circles in a gentle massage. His jaw tensed when the edge of one of your thumbs just grazed his balls through the cotton of his boxers, tenting over his hard cock. His Adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he watched you lean down and scatter yet more kisses across his torso, sending butterflies and shockwaves and every-other-cliche-in-the-fucking-book shooting through him. You pushed his t shirt up further, your kisses travelling back down over his stomach until you were hovering tantalisingly over his cock, fingers poised at the waistband on his boxers as you looked up at him again.

"Can I...?" you murmured, the warmth of your breath spreading through the thin material.

Tom just nodded and made a noise he wasn't entirely sure was comprehensible, but you seemed to get the gist, pulling his boxers down and continuing your trail of kisses over his hip.

He tried to control his breathing as he watched you intently, getting closer and closer to his cock until you finally tilted your head and pressed an open mouthed kiss to the side of his shaft. He grunted at the feeling, your tongue warm and wet and firm on his skin as you worked your way up towards the head. Once you reached the top, though, instead of taking him into your mouth like he so desperately wanted you to, you just let your breath ghost over his sensitive skin before leaving another line of kisses down the other side, and it took all his strength not to groan in frustration. He settled on balling his hands into fists at his sides, and he couldn't be 100% sure but he thought he heard you giggle, your breath tickling him slightly.

Trying to focus on his breathing again, Tom took a deep breath in - a breath that caught in his throat when you licked a long, wet strip along the length of his cock as you took it into your hand. Your fingers wrapped around the base as your lips wrapped around the head, and he remembered how to breathe - enough to exhale, anyway - as you bobbed your head, taking more of him into your mouth each time.

The fingers on your free hand dug into his hip as you began to suck properly, your cheeks hollowing around him.

"Oh fuck-"

You bobbed your head a few more times as he moaned, before coming off him altogether and sitting up. You swallowed as you looked up at him again, and between your tongue darting out to lick your lips before pulling the bottom one between your teeth, glistening and swollen, and your hand pumping the full length of his cock, Tom wasn't sure where to look.

"Have you got a condom?"

He only nodded at first, his mouth taking a second to catch up while you looked at him expectantly.

"Yeah, um," he turned his head towards his bedside cabinet where he'd stashed some earlier. "Top drawer, I can-"

"I got it."

You let go of his dick when you leaned over to open the drawer, and it was then when he felt a rush of cool air that Tom became aware that he was lying there with his knob out while you were basically still fully dressed - which, obviously, would not do at all.

He brought his hands to your waist, pushing up your t-shirt as you took a condom from the drawer and set it on top. You giggled as you leant back over him again; he felt it tickling his lips before you kissed him. He tugged at your shirt as you kissed, messier and deeper than before, pulling it up as far as he could until you had to pull apart for you to take it off over your head. Reaching up to cup your face once your shirt was cast aside, he pulled you back in for another kiss. Tom could feel the heat of your pussy through your leggings when his thigh rubbed between your legs as he kicked off his jeans and boxers, making you whimper into his mouth and grind against him, your fingers curling into his hair.

Keeping one hand on your cheek, he moved the other to the small of your back to hold you close as he rolled you over. He felt you breathing heavily in his ear as he kissed your neck once he was hovering over you, trying to pull your leggings down with one hand. You lifted your hips to help, but unfortunately you could only get so far until he had to stop kissing you and sit back on his heels to let you wiggle out of both them and your knickers, taking the opportunity to shed his t shirt and sweatshirt while you did so.

You smiled and sat up once you were down to only your bra, placing a hand on his chest and kissing him softly - in another setting, it would have been sweet; chaste, even. As it was, sweet was probably not the word he would have chosen. His hands held your hips but you were the one in control, maneuvering your bodies until he was flat on his back and you were straddling his thighs - where you belonged, as far as he was concerned.

Reaching between your thighs, Tom looked up at your face as his fingers spread you open. Your eyes snapped shut, your breathing hitching with a quiet oh as he dipped his middle finger inside you. The fingers on your right hand tensed where it rested on his chest, your back arching as your left hand toyed with your breast through your bra while he spread your wetness along the length of your pussy, his fingers circling your clit before moving back down to push two fingers inside you. Eyes opening as you rolled your hips, you held his gaze as you ground onto his hand, biting your lip as his fingers curled inside you. You moaned softly when he moved his fingers back to your clit, slick from inside you and sliding easily between your folds.

Just the sight of you on top of him like this made him swallow harshly, his dick twitching against his abdomen as if to say excuse me?? I'm here too, you know??? And maybe you saw him glance at his cock, or maybe it was just a coincidence, but you leaned over to grab the condom from the bedside cabinet.

"D'you want me to-" Tom started as you sat back down, trailing off when you passed the packet to him.

"Thanks."

He could feel you watching him as he rolled the condom on, but he was pretty sure he could only focus on one thing at a time in that moment so he kept his eyes down, fingers working as deftly as he could manage. You leaned forward to kiss him once he finally looked back up at you, and as you did he noticed he goosebumps that had erupted across your body, your skin bumpy and cool under his fingertips as he ran his hands over your shoulders.

"You cold?" he murmured in between kisses, feeling you chuckle against his lips, then another kiss before you mumbled back.

"A bit, yeah."

Another beat of silence passed, your sentences interspersed with kisses.

"Wanna" -kiss- "get under the covers...?"

-Kiss kiss-

"Yes, please."

You kissed him one, two, three more times before you pulled away. Between the two of you you managed to get the duvet pulled out from underneath Tom and up over you, and soon he was tucking it around your shoulders as you settled back on top of him.

"Better?" he smirked.

"Mmhmm."

Tom just caught your appreciative smile before you kissed him again, moaning against his lips when his cock nudged between your folds as you leant over him. Lifting his hips as you lowered yours, he finally slid inside you.

He held your waist under the duvet, squeezing your ass and thighs every now and then, but you were setting the pace, your face buried against his shoulder as you moved your body back and forth over his slowly and purposefully. He tilted his head to kiss you occasionally - sometimes slow and sensual, open mouthed kisses with your lips moving with his, and sometimes returning the marks you were sucking and biting onto his neck. Curses and grunts of your name passed his lips more and more once you started to clench around him, your hips faltering as your movements sped up.

Your fingernails dug into the back of his neck as you grasped his face, kissing him fervently before your mouth fell open above his when he started to thrust up into you more forcefully, his grip on your hips tightening.

"Oh fuck," you breathed as you reached a hand between your bodies to hurriedly rub at your clit. "M'gonna come-"

That alone was almost enough to send Tom over the edge, moaned breathlessly into his open mouth with your forehead pressed to his; so combine it with the way your wet, hot pussy was spasming around his cock, your free hand tugging on his hair, and he was done for, his mind going blank of everything except you and the feeling of being buried deep inside you as you came together.

Both of your thrusts slowed back to a lazy grind, his arms wrapping around your body as it went slack on top of his. You nuzzled your face against his cheek as you caught your breath, your arms looping loosely around his neck. Full disclosure, it was a bit too hot being under the covers and under you, but Tom wasn't complaining.

You must have felt it too though, because after a minute or two you pressed a more definitive kiss to his jaw before untangling yourself from him and sitting up. You were only just upright when the doorbell rang loudly, followed obnoxiously quickly by a series of knocks at the front door, both of you jumping and whipping your heads around to look at Tom's bedroom door as though it might spring open.

"Dominos?" You guessed, looking back at Tom where he lay beneath you.

"Must be, yeah."

You both glanced down at your bodies, both naked and him still inside you - it was his house though, so he figured he should do the chivalrous thing and volunteer.

"I'll go."

"Cheers," you laughed as you climbed off him and plonked yourself down on the bed.

Taking the condom off as he got up, Tom tossed it into the bin under his desk while he scanned the floor for some clothes. He found his boxers and jeans easy enough, but they were all tangled together and the doorbell was ringing again, so he ended up throwing them back on the floor with a frustrated groan and breathy chuckle when you laughed from your spot on the bed. He grabbed his dressing gown off the back of his door instead, tying it tightly around his body before going out to answer the door, glancing in the hall mirror to see how obvious it was what he'd just been up to (answer: very, but there wasn't much he could do about it seeing as it sounded like the delivery guy was about to bash the door down with his bare fists judging by how aggressively he was pounding on it).

"Hey, sorry. Was uh, in the...shower."

"Delivery."

For all his impatience to get someone to answer the door, the delivery guy had seemingly decided to take his sweet time pulling each box out of the insulated bag one-by-fucking-one. He didn't even look up, no matter how many different ways Tom thanked him as he handed him each box.

"Thanks, cheers, great, thank you—" he was running out of ways to say thank you, but he just wanted the entire interaction to be over so he could get away from the street and put some fucking underwear on. His agitation appeared to have no effect on the delivery guy though, who only murmured one sullen "enjoy" before turning away and going back to his car once he'd finally finished handing over Tom's order.

By the time he backed into his room with his arms full of boxes, you'd put your t shirt and knickers back on and were smoothing out the duvet on top of his bed.

"I can't decide if that was bad timing or perfect timing."

"Me neither," Tom laughed, setting the boxes on the end of the bed. "Both, I think?"

"I'm gonna go... you know..." you gestured vaguely to your lower half as you headed towards the door, leaving Tom to fill in the blanks. He just nodded sagely - he had some of that to do himself.

"You said no one's home, right?" you paused by the door, your hand resting on the handle.

"Yeah," he laughed. "You're good."

"Cool."

After cleaning himself off and putting on a fresh t shirt and a pair of sweatpants, Tom turned off the music and instead opened up the copy of Fight Club he'd downloaded to roughly the spot he remembered getting up to last time. Paused and ready to go, he sat on his bed to wait for you to come back before he opened the pizzas - though he was practically salivating at the smell.

"Should have put my leggings on anyway," you muttered the moment you pushed the door open, grabbing them off the floor and pulling them on before it had even clicked shut behind you. "Your house is freezing."

"Yeah, sorry - the heating's really shit," he chuckled apologetically as you peeled back the covers to sit beside him cross legged, pulling the duvet up over your knees and tucking it around your waist before pulling one of the pizza boxes into your lap.

"S'okay, I'll forgive you if I can swap you a chicken strip for a Twisted Dough Ball?"

"Deal."

By the time you had both finally admitted you were full and Tom mustered the energy to get up to put the leftovers in the fridge, you'd finished Fight Club and started Tropic Thunder. When he came back from the kitchen, a glass of water in each hand, he found you lying on your side and staring blankly at the TV, clearly not watching it at all.

"You alright there?" he asked, and he couldn't help but laugh when you nodded sleepily.

"Yep, I'm just...you know?" you mumbled, blinking furiously. "I'm awake, I'm watching."

"Okay, sure, I believe you. D'you want like, pyjamas or something?"

"Oh, uh..."

It was only when you paused that he realised he hadn't actually asked you if you were going to stay over, he'd just assumed you would be. It was only a fraction of a second though, and then you pushed yourself upright with a groan and leaned back against the wall.

"Yeah, please."

Nodding, Tom took out the same pyjamas he'd given you the time you stayed over after The Library, setting them on the bed in front of you as he climbed back in beside you.

"Thanks."

"No worries."

He tried to keep his eyes on the TV as you got changed by the side of his bed, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't sneak a glance and catch a glimpse of the side of your breast as you pulled the top over your head, your bra lying abandoned on the floor. You picked it up once you'd roughly folded your clothes, tossing them on top of your bag and coat before getting back into the bed.

"Thanks," you said again as you lay down beside him, smiling softly at him.

He just returned your smile, lifting his arm to wrap it around your shoulders. He was vaguely aware of his heartbeat in his throat as you lay your head down on his chest, but he tried his best to ignore it.

"So, what's going on here?"

"I thought you were paying attention?" he teased.

"I am! But just, you know, I missed a bit while I was getting changed."

Well aware that this was a blatant lie, Tom started to explain what was happening in the movie all the same. And, to your credit, you did hum and nod along like you were listening, and once he'd finished you did say "right okay", but he was about 99.999% sure you hadn't a clue what was going on and that you weren't even really conscious. He wondered then how long it was going to take for you to both actually watch all ten of the movies on your combined lists, but ultimately decided he didn't really mind if it took the rest of the year.

⋘NINE | ELEVEN ⋙

taglists:

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SWEETENER: @5secondsofalphas @spiderrpcrker @lexshead @mellow-delight @boundtorain @ohmyquackson @tomhaz @gioandreolli @writtenbypics @iamscribby519 @violet-lilyy @crazyfreaker @redmxnn @splashofbi @peterbparkerr @rhapsodyparker @mismatchingsocks @kindheartsclub @myimagineoutlet @tommybaholland @tommyhollandaisesauce @oh-my-fancan @hufflepuff-always-and-forever @captiveties @sweetest—sorrow @alwaysafanficwriter @particularmila @little-hoseok @morbiddanvers @danny-the-coolest @plxstic-rose @makesmefeelalive @misslexilouwho @stop-wonder-think @hollandhomie @buckyofthemyscira @moons-skeletons @killer-barnes @spicywrites @martinimendes @softboyparkerr @rosieredcheeks @tinycollectivetrash @hypnotized-so-mesmerized @cptnrogersss @emmaeb2014 @misspepper07 @gracemrm @suckzdiangelo @hollandhearts @wizliar @thatasthma @kermitsnumberonefan @nxthernlightsjpg @muffinmari25 @stevesscoops @sunspellman @pretty-parkerr @dah-knee-cuh @spidey-holland-96 @glader-groupa-sub8 @marvelous-babe-3000 @sannahkhan @a-filmbypeterparker @i-fellinahole @thewackywriter @i-want-all-the-cheetos @bumba-bitch @spidergirl192327 @imfreefallinall @thebrighteststarr @amberthefiredemon @peaky-shelby @1-800-i-didnt-ask @nightfire098 @ivyrivers @whatevsholland @realityisabitch07 @nine-butterflies @marveltho @coffee-and-stories @di3connected @panic-at-space-camp @too-many-lanes @mybesttobobcratchit @anxious-diabetic @lovcyou3000 @lianimal89 @yamyam515 @ya-lame @loiscastle @house-arya @sweetest66 @steadyholland @apple-scruffs @louvegoods @chaoticbuck @anna-cheyenne @deathofthethrones @lottabirkin @thomaslefteyebrow @welldamnshawn @halowings1123 @woodstockbrb @softbaby-tom @iriaaarb @princesof-theuniverse @ghouls-buddy @chubbybunny111 @worldoftom @thomaslefteyebrow @sweet-baby-cakes @harrysfloppyhair

#tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland fic #tom holland fanfic #tom holland imagine #tom holland blurb #tom holland headcanon #tom holland smut #tom holland fluff

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damnthatnoise · 4 years

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Darko The Super | Of Dogs & Devils | An Interview

Hip Hop has long been about bravado, skill, and how your personality can capture and pull the listener in even further than just your skillset. There have been many an MC who’s personality sometimes outshined the lyrical prowess for better or worse, but when I sit back and think of some of my favorite MC’s growing up (Redman, Slick Rick, Kool Keith, E-40, and Del to name a few) the personality often was near cartoonish with no real effort from the MC to make it appear that way. Enter MC Darko The Super who since first coming across his music via Already Dead Tapes has oozed oddball personality, and ever evolving skills as an MC. Darko is no joke rapper though, instead he is adept at delivering some stark reality raps littered with glints of humor we often use to cope with the pain of existence.

Fresh off delivering one of my personal favorites last year in the form of Card Tricks For Dogs, he returns with his friend Steel Tipped Dove to give us The Devil Defeated, and makes a claim as one of the indie hiphop scenes freshest, most colorful, and promising voices making music.

You can order the digital, cassette and SUPER vinyl copies of The Devil Defeated here, as well as all Darko The Super Items.

The Devil Defeated by Darko The Super & steel tipped dove

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Damn That Noise: Darko The Super. What’s the origin of that name and what’s it come to mean to you now?

Darko: I think Darko The Super was my gamertag on Xbox Live before it was my official artist alias. I did two albums as Evan Darko after I seen Donnie Darko in high school. It had a big impact on adolescent me. The Super comes from another big influence on me at the time, MF Doom. My favorite song my senior year was "Dead Bent". I thought the ending of Operation Doomsday was really cool. The way it let you decide between hero or villain. I was big into vigilante justice at the time. I wanted to be like my favorite superheroes. So that's where the name came from. Nowadays it's just a name. More people know me as Darko than my real name these days, so it'd be silly to change it. Name's don't define you. It doesn't matter much to me. Though I like it.

DTN: You’ve had a pretty prolific young career given that you’ve dropped 10+ projects since 2011, but when we were taking recently you said you’ve just now started to feel like you now know your voice. What’s changed in the last couple of years to get you to that place?

Darko: Since 2011 I may have done nearly 100 albums. Most haven't lasted. I've deleted and erased most of my material pre 2014 from the face of the internet. (If anyone has a Loser CD, please destroy it.) I put out 10 albums in 2018 alone. All better than the previous. "Watered Down Demon Fuzz" from 2017 is the album I truly found my voice on. I listened back to "Oh, No! It's Darko" for nostalgic purposes and it seems more like a comedy album than anything, and not that good of a comedy album either. I was 18 when I made the first album I put on cd and gave to everyone at shows when I was starting to go out and perform. It was called Loser, inspired by Beck. Next cd I made was a compilation, also terrible, but somehow it's going for $75 on Discogs. I personally don't like anything prior to 2016. "Carve a Happy Face on my Tombstone" had a few good songs. Those were transformative years. My perspective on life has changed severely. It's hard to be happy with things you create when you're not even happy with who you are. I think in finding myself, I found my voice too. Life will always be a mystery. But at least I'm more comfortable in my own skin at the moment. Therefore more comfortable in my art.

DTN: Why erase the evidence of growth though? If anything that could show folks the rapid progression of Darko?

Darko: I'd prefer to leave a better first impression. Maybe I'm too insecure to show people my progression. It's also just a matter of that not being the way I feel anymore as far as the way I wrote back then.

DTN: Your style is a bit unorthodox in that you kind of dance all over the pocket of the beats, and your inflections seem to change at the drop of a hat. I know E-40 and DOOM are a couple favorites of yours but who else’s impressed a young Darko and helped give us the man we have now? Who made you say “I think this is something I want to do!!”?

Darko: Murdoc and MyGrane McNastee from Orlando, Florida were a couple of the first independent rappers I got into from watching the Wake Up Show freestyles on Youtube. They were big influences on me. From there I got into MF Doom, Madlib, and J Dilla. During the datpiff era, I got really into Charles Hamilton's mixtapes. I was a big fan of a web series around that time called Internet Celebrities. Through them I found out about Das Racist. I remember listening to them for the first time on MySpace. I saw Big Baby Gandhi in a video with them. Later on his Debut would become one of my favorite albums. I was really into going on hip hop blogs. I remember watching Open Mike Eagle rap "Qualifiers" in a laundromat and having my mind blown. He told me Serengeti was his favorite rapper which had me watching every Kenny Dennis video I could find. Dennehy became my favorite album. I got into Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire from seeing the Last Huzzah video with Das Racist, El-P, Despot, and Danny Brown. That's still my favorite posse cut. From checking out rap battles I got into Soul Khan who I remember posting about Homeboy Sandman's album The Good Sun. Blogs also got me listening to every Blu song. Her Favorite Color was something special to me. All those artists were huge in developing my approach. Nowadays my favorite rappers of all time are E-40, Serengeti, and Kool Keith

DTN: Card Tricks for Dogs feels like your most fully formed artistic statement yet and The Devil Defeated feels like the exclamation point showing folks you’re a real force. What helped bring those two records to life?

Darko: Both albums took a long time to come together, which usually isn't the case for me. I remember writing some of those Card Tricks for Dogs tracks while on vacation with my girlfriend and her family. I had tons of beats from my good friend and longtime collaborator Phil Ford aka BLKrKRT (Blacker Karat) loaded on my phone for those trips. I started it shortly after meeting Steel Tipped Dove for the first time. I released an album of his on my label and he offered to mix and master some tracks for me. So this was the first solo album of mine I let someone else do all the mixing for. I took my time with it and let it come together naturally. I believe everything happens at it's own time. As for The Devil Defeated, that album started out as a project called Contemplating Lonely Stuff, inspired by a Serengeti lyric. It was for the most part produced by Height Keech and Steel Tipped Dove. Eventually I decided to do albums with each of them separately. The album with Dove was pretty far along in the process and originally I wanted to call it "Playing Skee-Ball With Zev Love X" but we both agreed that was kinda corny and not many people would get what we were referencing. Then I heard the news of Daniel Johnston passing away, who is a hero of mine. I listened to nothing but Daniel for a few days straight and a few lyrics in particular stuck out to me. The one that landed was "The Devil Defeated" another possibility was My Yolk is Heavy. Me and Dove made over 20 songs for this album and eventually narrowed it down to the most cohesive project we could. We'll be doing a follow up of course. That's in the works now. I'm very proud of this album. My favorite track is a story I wrote based on a song called "Suzy's Face" by my favorite punk band, The Spits. I had to convince Dove on that one. There's another track I tried to convince him about too, but that will never see the light of day since I ended up agreeing with him.

DTN: You’ve has a chance to work with a lot of interesting and well loved folks. How the hell did the tracks with Lil’B, Charles Hamilton, Denmark Vessey and others come about?

Darko: I did an album called “Thank You BasedGod” dedicated to Lil B. I produced a track for him way back in 2014. He reached out to me after TYBG and offered to do a track together. So I sent him a couple Steel Tipped Dove beats and he chose the one that ended up on the album. Later I saw Charles Hamilton posting about doing features. I sent him the Lil B track since that’s a dream collaboration of mine. Lil B is a big Charles Hamilton fan, and they’re both internet gurus of their eras. Charles conquered the blog era by releasing tons of free albums on his own blog, landing on all the mixtape sites. Lil B mastered social media and became a marketing genius, even transpiring music. I’m proud to say the first time they worked together was with me. As for getting Denmark Vessey on the album, he had already worked with Dove and toured with my good friends, The Difference Machine. I was the one who showed them his album Buy Muy Drugs while I was out in Atlanta for a week. That album’s my favorite of the decade. He had posted about doing features so I sent him an email and made it happen.

DTN: You’ve released a lot of projects via Already Dead Tapes as well as starting UDDTBA. What is the connection with ADT and why start your own label? What have you learned from ADT and how has the played into how you run your label?

Darko: Already Dead Tapes taught me everything I need to know about running a record label. I met them in 2014 when I sent over my latest at the time “Oh, No! It’s Darko.” They were nice enough to release that on cassette. Soon after they invited me to play their weekend long festival in Kalamazoo, Michigan. I brought along ialive and we booked our first tour. Staying in Kalamazoo at the Knights Inn we recorded an album together and formed the now infamous duo The Hell Hole Store. From there we’ve played the Already Dead fest every year and I’ve released quite a few albums on Already Dead Tapes. U Don’t Deserve This Beautiful Art was grown out of wanting to support my friends and artists I admire. I brought on my best buds Steel Tipped Dove and Harvey Cliff to help me run things. Now the sky’s the limit.

DTN: “Suzy” is life a very interesting record as is “lo-fi princess” off of The Devil Defeated. You mentioned the influence for “Suzy” came from another artists song...how’d this end up on your record and why? Also what’s the idea behind “Lo-Fi..”?

Darko: During my commute one day I listened to The Spits first self titled album. I hadn’t played it in a while and instantly remembered why they’re the best. One song in particular stuck with me throughout that ride, “Suzy’s Face”. I decided to write a song building off of their track. Almost like taking a short story and creating a movie. I tried to describe in detail about why someone would shoot Suzy in the face at a high school dance. So that’s what I came up with. Lo-fi princess 2 is a sequel to the original from “Watered Down Demon Fuzz” both love songs to my girlfriend, Alora. I liked the phrase cos it reminded me of “Bow-tie Daddy” by Frank Zappa. Now that I think of it, an actual Lo-fi princess would be an anime babe trapped in the track art of a SoundCloud beat. We’d have to defeat the chill hop brigade to save her.

DTN: You and iAlive have a really dope chemistry and have two very different styles but similar energies that work so well off of each other. What makes that partnership work and why’d you guys want to keep it going after the one hotel infused brainstorming session?

Card Tricks For Dogs by Darko The Super & BLKrKRT

Darko: We kept it going cos there were more hotel sessions to be had. On tour you’re on the highway with a lot of time on your hands. That’s where most of our songs and ideas come from. We set up shop where ever we’re staying and start to bring these ideas to life. The people seem to like us and we enjoy performing together. That’s what keeps the hell hole going. We survive off friendship and fun times.

DTN: Okay sir Darko. You can only eat at two fast food places for the next year because you lost a bet. Where you going??

Darko: Obviously Taco Bell is numero uno, I’m a big Taco Bell enthusiast. Next would be Wendy’s, best fast food burgers by me, and they got those spicy nuggets. Plus I heard their salads are good too, which I would need a salad every now and then. I don’t think this is too far off from my normal diet. Worst thing that could happen is I have a heart attack. But I’m on that path anyway. Maybe I’ll start exercising. Maybe.

DTN: What are you picking if you only have Thor and Spider-Man as costumes for Halloween?!

Darko: Spider-Man of course. I could pull off a husky Spider-Man. Family Guy made it look good. I’d need the fake muscles for Thor. Fake muscles never look good. I don’t have the luxurious hair either.

DTN: What’s the writing process like for you?! Do you let the beat decide the direction? Do you have an idea or some lyrics written and you locate a beat that fits?

Darko: Either or. Writing always comes to me. It’s second nature. If it doesn’t come to me, I don’t write. That’s all there is to it. I only write when I’m inspired. That’s an easy way to go about it. My number one thing is creativity, I don’t wanna be complex or even an intellectual. I want my lyrics to be universally understood.

DTN: So what’s next on the horizon for Darko The Super?

Darko: Next up I’m working on an album with skits from a comedian friend of mine. He does tons of great characters and videos as Hot Talent Buffet. I think he’s a comedic genius. I’m also working on an album sampling nothing but my favorite band 10cc, titled “Strawberry Studios Jam ‘72” and another album sampling one of my favorite songwriters, Dean Friedman. The Dean and I have a 7” record on the way with my remix of his classic “McDonald’s Girl” on the B side with the original on the A side. I have a couple other collaborative albums coming along. The artist they’re with wants me to hold off announcing it until they’re ready, but I will say it’s a dream collaboration and I’m very excited for it.

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evenstevensranked · 7 years

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#38: Season 1, Episode 17 - “Get A Job”

In order to afford a Sludgie (a.k.a slushie) machine for his room, Louis opens his own Doggy Daycare. But like most things Louis attempts, it quickly becomes difficult for him to handle. Meanwhile, Steve and Donnie bond over destroying a birdhouse.

This one opens with Louis trying to butter Steve up in preparation to drop the “Buy me a Sludgie machine” bomb. Which is definitely supposed to be a “Slushie” or “Slush Puppie” machine, but I’m assuming those words are copyrighted. Louis decorates the entire house for Father’s Day… even though it ain’t father’s day. “But, every day is father’s day, Dad… when you have the perfect dad, Dad!” Louis cannot genuinely think that this could work. After prefacing the Sludgie question with a dramatic story about how the machine is going to be thrown out of a store that’s closing unless Louis rescues the inanimate object from the potential clutches of an evil child — Steve drops a bomb of his own: “Get a job.” Oh, boy. Why are those words so… terrifying? Even today as a 24-year-old adult, those 3 words send a shiver down my spine. They scream “you’re getting older, get over it” to me. I don’t know. Louis and old-fashioned work isn’t exactly a match made in heaven, though. So you already know he’s gonna spin the job angle into something ridiculous.

Louis is wearing an “I ♥ DAD” shirt to really sell it!

Steve suggests that Louis should ask Ren for help, since she just so happens to be running a youth career planning center from her room. Of course she is. Something I really like about the scene where Louis asks her for a job, is the names of the other kids already there waiting. Ren refers to them by their last names, and they’re all names of writers/crew members!! “Dearborn” - The show’s creator, Matt Dearborn. “Cunningham” - One of the writers for this episode, Sarah Jane Cunningham. And “Kaiser” another writer for a different episode, Brooke Kaiser. This is so cute to me. It’s not the only time the writers have done something like this either. This only further supports my idea that one of the writers must’ve lived down the street from Del’s Pizzeria. These kids have zero lines though, and it’s kinda funny and obvious that Disney didn’t wanna pay people more than they had to. Ren talks to the kids and they just... smile... as a response, lol. It’s awkward. She gives the Cunningham girl a job at a movie theater concession stand and tells her “Here’s a tip... Extra salt on the popcorn = they’ll buy more drinks.” This has always stuck with me. How slimy.

So, Louis busts in asking for a “teen job thingy” (perfect!) and I freaking love when Ren questions Louis about his career goals. He’s so sarcastic in the most deadpan way. He says he wants to ride a motorcycle in the globe of doom in Vegas, is “hoping to move to Donnie’s room” in five years time, and refers to some guy at a donut shop with a claw hand as the public figure he most respects. I love Louis. Then we get a montage of Louis failing at every job Ren gives him. This is actually something that’s a little off about this episode, and I never noticed it until my series re-watch for this project. There’s, like.. 5 montages in this episode. I have to admit that’s a little overkill. To an extent, this almost doesn’t even feel like an episode. That many montages means there’s hardly any actual dialogue. It’s weird.

Anyway, one of the jobs Louis fails at is “Mass Mail Marketing” a.k.a licking envelops. They decided to use this annoying CGI tongue for the scene, which I hate and always have hated. It’s not the only time they use the CGI tongue either, tragically. Like I’ve said before, stuff like that just comes across as something thrown in for a cheap laugh. I’ve literally never thought it was funny. In fact, I usually cringe a bit when they pull stuff like this. Sigh.

Um, this actually looks a little... off-color. Ew.

Louis returns to Ren asking for another job as long as it doesn’t involve licking. She finds one for him, but quickly takes it back saying “...but that involves some light licking...” WHAT THE HELL kind of jobs does she have in this database of hers?! Louis goes on to fail at being a paper boy and a restaurant mascot. That’s three strikes, so he’s dead to Ren now. Louis goes to a local park, all depressed and emo over being a failure — when suddenly a stray dog sits with him. He has a heart-to-heart with the dog saying “I’m just not one of those job people you hear so much about.” I relate to this on an emotionally deep level. Within a minute, he gets the idea to start "Louis' Doggy Daycare" to hang out with dogs all day and make quick money. There’s a short montage of Louis hanging up fliers and I feel like Shia thought it was hilarious. I mean… Look at the photo on the flier, lol.

His shirt says “I ♥ DOGS” Amazing. Not to mention, that dog is actually… smiling. The fact that Shia even posed for that photo is iconic, lol. He seems to be genuinely laughing about it here, which is great.

Louis’ first client, Mrs. Walters, shows up with her little pooch named “Poopsy.” I love this so much. My mom and I quote this lady all the time when we talk to our own little dog. She speaks in such a strangely deep baby voice with all these dips and inflections. We always say “My little pOOOoPSEHHHH!” in her voice, lol. I can’t even explain it. She drops Poopsy off and says “Bye-bye, my preciousss!” but Louis cuts her off by saying “Please. Call me Louis.” I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!

Ren is impressed that Louis seems to’ve thought this through and is babysitting a dog. Until she sees that he’s babysitting, like.. 25 dogs.

Ren: Louis, are you crazy?!

Louis: Crazy for canines.

There’s a slightly annoyingly obvious pop culture reference to the famous “Dogs Playing Poker” paintings here. It’s whatever. Fine, I guess. But, it just feels like an easy idea to go with.

Now the dogs get antsy and Louis has to take them for a walk. I swear to GOD!!!! This is one of the funniest moments in the whole series. It’s so simple and stupid but I somehow die laughing every time. The dogs are too much for Louis to handle, so he eventually falls and gets dragged by the dogs. Except Louis becomes an OBVIOUS dummy, which is the point, and it’s hilarious to me.

Look at this. Just LOOK!!! The longer it loops, the funnier it gets. The fact that tiny dogs are dragging him so strongly makes it even better.

When they get back from their walk, Louis puts on The Adventures of Milo and Otis for the dogs to watch.. which is another real life reference. But tell me why all I could think of is the Jonas Brothers episode of Hannah Montana where Miley and Lily disguise themselves as... Milo and Otis...

Around here is where we really dive into Steve and Donnie’s subplot. Which I actually think has some really strong moments. Both of these characters, especially Donnie, are so underrated. The two find the shambles of an old birdhouse dubbed “Feather-Feather Land” that they started building when Donnie was little, but never finished. They decide to start working on it again and end up completely butting heads about everything all day. Donnie thinks he’s reading the instructions for the birdhouse, but he’s actually reading the instructions for the garage door opener.. which is great. (“Didn’t you find it odd that a birdhouse would have a remote control?!”) They continue to pettily argue over every little thing. One of my favorite moments is when Donnie yells at Steve “You’re making me nervous hovering over me like that!!” To which Steve responds “I’m not hovering… I’m overseeing. At a close distance.” I use this all the time, omg. My other favorite bit is when the mood starts to become less tense and more lighthearted between them. Steve put a “vacancy” sign on the house and Donnie says “What’s with the vacancy sign, Dad? …BIRDS CAN’T READ!” It cracks me up every time. Basically, one thing leads to another and they decide to completely destroy the birdhouse for fun. It’s pretty great.

The sound of destruction coming from the basement causes the dogs to run absolutely wild. This is another montage. It ends with Poopsy completely covered in toilet paper in Ren’s room which I think is super adorable and too cute not to include here.

Louis eventually gets all of the dogs under control conveniently right before all of their owners arrive. This scene is too much. The owners show up one by one to pick up their dogs, and they’re all one-dimensional looking stereotypes??? It’s so ridiculous, lol.

One’s a punk, one’s a hippie, and that last guy is a construction worker you guys! Just in case you couldn’t tell by the fact he’s WEARING HIS HARD HAT LIKE A FASHION STATEMENT.

Louis is all proud of himself once every dog is gone and he’s raked in all the moolah. Except, all the dogs aren’t gone. Mrs. Walters shows up looking for Poopsy. Turns out lil Poopsy is missing in the house somewhere. Louis dramatically puts on a crying act and asks Ren for help with tracking the dog down. Sad violin plays and he starts talking about how Ren was always right… He is a failure. “I’m gonna be in circuses known as The Boy Who Can’t Do Anything. Step right up!! …just don't expect much.” - I love this line sooo much and the way Shia delivers it all fake-sad. Oh my god. This leads us to yet another montage of Louis distracting Mrs. Walters while Ren runs around looking for Poopsy. Obviously, they find him (yes, Poopsy is a boy) and everything’s fine. Yay!

Louis ends up spending his money on a churro machine instead, lol. I never knew what churros were before this show, and Ren’s description of “deep fried dough dipped in sugar” always makes me craaaaave churros. To this day, I still haven’t had one. I never understood how the machine works though. It doesn’t look like the kind of thing that MAKES the churros… rather, just holds them and keeps them hot. So, does Louis make them and then store them in the case??? Who knows.

Another “I ♥ ____” tshirt! That might be one too many, lol. Although, it’s probably meant to highlight Louis’ fickleness. One minute, he loves his dad. The next, he loves dogs. Now? Forget the dogs and the man who gave him life -- churros own his heart.

So yeah! That’s the episode. This one honestly goes by lightning fast, and I think that’s because of the montages. I’ve always really enjoyed this one, though. From the Poopsy lady, to the Louis dummy, to birds not being able to read vacancy signs... I like it a lot.

Thanks for reading! :) This review was actually really fun to write, haha. Chime in via Disqus belowww.

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