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nights-flying-fox · 8 months

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Deep (Purple) Thoughts (and Realizations)

◇ Click here to read on AO3 | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 ◇

Chapter 5: Talk It Out Donnie shares some information.

Word Count: 1743 | CW: manipulation (kind of??), self blaming (not donnie tho), mentions of genocide, survivor's guilt

(if you think i should add something plz tell me)

Controlling the Technodrome was an exciting idea at first. Donatello Hamato, the first person to fly a spaceship! His dreams from childhood were about to become real. Then he had discovered how disgusting it was. Icky, slimy, alive. The texture on its own made Donnie nauseous. But he could do it, for he was a genius, and this must not stop him. Not when he had said he could. Not when his family’s lives were on the stake. So, he had forced himself. With Mikey’s support the situation being a bit bearable. With every step it got worse. He had to use himself, not just his hands.

So, he let himself fall into the spaceship.

At first it felt as if he was being captured. Technodrome’s parts holding him, becoming a part of him. Then he had gasped. Connected. He had control. He knew everything! He could use it, protect his family and be powerful! He had knowledge!

With ease he controlled the Technodrome. He let it move according to the plan, protected Mikey. He knew why he was there and what he could do. But he wanted more. He could do more. He wasn’t just Donnie, he was also a spaceship. He was a genius with power and knowledge.

Donnie looked at the ground. “Except knowledge isn’t always good, it turns out.” He spoke. “Not when you can see what the Krang did.”

The silence felt too long, too heavy. He knew his family were giving him time, he appreciated it. And he wanted to tell them what happened. It was just hard. He felt his hand being squeezed. Raph smiled at him, supportive. Donnie took a deep breath.

“During my time connected with Technodrome I felt invincible. I didn’t care about what I learned. I... I even could understand why Krang wanted power.” He didn’t want to admit it. But he didn’t want to lie. It was what had happened, what scared him. “Afterwards it changed. Everything I knew, it was terrible. The planets they had taken over, the wars... I am glad we stopped them.” He didn’t want to get into the details. Not wanting to talk about how Technodrome was a corrupted thing, alive.

“Donnie...” He heard April whisper.

Before she could continue, he talked again. “The spaceship didn’t whisper or talk like in the horror movies. But it seemed to try control me too.”

“Control you?” Raph asked.

“It wanted me to join them.” Donnie replied. “At least that’s my guess.”

Another silence. He looked at them. Raph looking at him with understanding eyes, Mikey seemed to be worried, and Leo looked at him with wide eyes. Horror, guilt.

“Don’t blame yourself dumdum.” Donnie warned. He knew his twin well enough to stop him spiraling into self-hate. And not because they’d comfort each other when they had these moments of heavy guilt or self-hate at times.

“I shouldn’t have asked you to do something like that without knowing what exactly was it.” Leo said. “I am sorry Donnie.”

“Don’t.” He cut him off. “I wanted to do that anyway. It was an efficient information against the Krang as well.”

“You learned about their genocides.” Leo pointed out.

“Exactly. And that’s why what you did was insane, reminder.” Donnie glared at him.

Leo huffed. “Can’t even apologize and have a heartfelt moment without being accused with your past decisions.”

Donnie grabbed the pillow he was sitting on and threw it on his face. Leo yelped, “Hey!”

“You deserved it, idiot.”

“Rude.”

Suddenly Donnie was pulled into a side hug. He didn’t need to look to know it was Rapha. The big guy had that emotional look on his face. “Raph gets it, and he is very proud of you sharing this.”

“Thanks Raph.” Donnie said, relaxing in the hug a bit. He was still feeling the nervousness from remembering everything, but he didn’t mind Raph’s hug. It was comforting. Then he decided to ask something he was wondering for a long time, hopping it wouldn’t hurt Raph now. “When you were... you know... was it like that too?”

Raph took a deep breath. “Kind of?” He replied. Then voice a little quieter, and yet bravely he explained. “I didn’t see what you did see, at least not during my time like that, but my mind was empty and all I felt was needing power and accomplishing my mission.”

That was enough for what he wanted to know. Donnie decided to not ask anything else. “I’m sorry big guy.”

“It is fine.” He said. “Genuinely, I appreciate everything guys. You helped me a lot in the past weeks.”

It was true. Raph, unlike Donnie, had accepted help. Had admitted remembering parts of his time under Krang’s control, and that he had nightmares often. Raph didn’t want to tell them everything about that time, but he had shared enough for them to understand. Enough to get help. Maybe Donnie should’ve done the same.

“Is there anything we can do to help you Donnie?” Raph asked.

He still could, actually. “I...” He began, whispering. “...I don’t have nightmares but... there are times I fear I will feel like that again.” He admitted. “I can’t sleep.”

“So, this is why you spent hours awake during our turtle pile.” Raph realized.

Donnie nodded. Okay, end of the emotional stuff, right? He didn’t want to go into more details anyway. “That’s all from me. So, uh, we can move on?”

“You are terrible at this.” April shook her head with a smile. “But we can work on it. Right, Mikey?”

Mikey was uncharacteristically quiet. When all eyes were on him, he blinked confusedly, “Sorry, I was thinking something.”

“Something?” April raised a brow.

“Mhmm.” He was still fidgeting.

Nobody was going to let it slip, Donnie knew that. He was proven right when Raph smiled softly at Mikey, “Want to join to hug?”

Mikey looked at him with big eyes before nodding. As Mikey wrapped his arms around them, Donnie noticed his arms trembling slightly. “Is it your arms?” He questioned.

“No.” He replied.

“What’s wrong, big guy?” Raph asked softly.

Quiet. Then, “I should’ve done more.”

“What?”

Mikey snuggled more towards Raph, “I should’ve done more to help. Then none of you would’ve ended up this hurt.”

Donnie looked at Raph, confused. Raph looked back him with surprise. Before any of them could say anything though, Leo talked. “Mikey, what the shell are you talkin’ about? You literally broke some science law stuff to save my tail that day.”

Mikey turned slightly to look at Leo, “But I didn’t do anything like you did.” He said. “Raph got everyone safe, Donnie controlled a spaceship, April, Dad and Junior got Krang Sister, and you stopped Krang Prime!”

Everyone looked at him confused. “Mikey, you realize that without you I could have ended up be dead, right? Heck, we all would be, considering it is your future version who sent Junior back in time.” Leo said. “You even threw a freaking building at Krang.”

“...It still doesn’t feel enough.” Mikey whispered. “I am sorry, it doesn’t make any sense.”

“Actually, it does.” April interrupted. She turned to Shelldon who was watching them all silently the whole time. “I am not sure, but wasn’t there something about feeling bad for not going through something others did?”

Shelldon was quick to answer, Donnie feeling proud at how fast Shelldon could gain information on situations like this. “The closest match seems to be survivor’s guilt.” He answered. “Survivor guilt or survivor's guilt is a mental condition that occurs when a person believes they have done something wrong by surviving a traumatic or tragic event when others did not.” He explained, reading an article he found. “Survivor’s guilt is a response to an event in which someone else experienced loss, but you did not. While the name implies this to be a response to the loss of life, it could also be the loss of property, health, identity or a number of other things that are important to people, is another definition from a different a source.” He added.

“Close enough, thanks Shelldon.” April turned back to Mikey. “Maybe it’s something like this?”

“Oh. How didn’t I think of this?” Mikey questioned with surprise.

“It’s okay, even Doctor Feelings can forget details.” Raph tried to reassure him.

“That’s why he should take a break.” Leo said. Then he proceeded to join the hug. “And you too. You did amazing back there, Mike. Don’t let your thoughts deceive you.”

“As an exception, I have to agree with him.” Donnie nodded. “You were very brave back there, Angelo.”

“Thanks guys.” Mikey smiled with teary eyes. “You are the best.”

April joined the hug as well, “So are you.”

Donnie was sure things were already better. Now only if his dumdum twin opened up too—

“Hey, Raph, if you don’t mind me asking,” Leo suddenly broke the comforting silence. “When you answered Donnie’s question… Is there something you haven’t told us?”

Donnie turned to Raph. If Leo suspected of something, it was worth to follow his lead. He was a good observer. Raph avoided to look at them, so it should be true that Leo was right.

“It isn’t that important.” He shrugged it off.

“Are you sure? You seem to be stressed about it.” April said, “You know you can tell it to us if it bothers you.”

Raph sighed, “I don’t wanna burden you guys with that. Really, I can handle it.”

“Okay… but don’t burden yourself.” Mikey reminded. “If it we can, we will help. Just tell us.”

“Thanks for the support, Mikey.” Raph smiled genuinely.

Mikey hugged him tighter as a response.

Donnie watched as Raph looked at the ceiling. He was considering. Donnie knew Raph would see nightmares that wouldn’t let him sleep. Raph was no night owl, it troubled him a lot. Even if he had tried to hide it, it would have been obvious. But Donnie had never thought there being another possible reason keeping him awake.

He held his hand and squeezed. A silent support, a reminder that they were here. Something the siblings would do when one of them was having a bad day and not being able to talk. Or when the world would become too loud for words. Or just when they wanted to remind each other they were by each other’s side without telling it.

After a moment, Raph squeezed back.

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twstgabrielle · 2 years

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Forgotten

Side Story: Four Years

Warning: This fic contains major character death, grieving, unhealthy coping mechanisms, depression, language, and mental breakdowns. If any of this makes y'all uncomfortable I highly recommend that y'all check out my other works.

Year Two

Numbers.

They were something that he could always depend on. From percentages to equations to predicting outcomes, numbers have always had his back. Giving him a sense of comfort when things got to be too much and when his thoughts would run too fast within his head. Numbers helped him, providing him with solid answers and results. Grounding him when the world threatened to throw him off balance when he least expected it. But now that once trusted thing he believed in had suddenly become his worst enemy. What once brought him a sense of reassurance, now brought him nothing more than dread and despair. Donatello stared at his desk in a somewhat blank manner, his reddish brown eyes unfocused and far away. The sheet of blueprints in front of him where filled with nothing but mindless and half thought out ideas for inventions that he had somewhat thought up and yet couldn't seem to make them work.

Eye ridges furrowing slightly Donatello began to write some more things on the blueprints, his tongue peeking out from his gap teeth as he slid the pencil across the pages. His eyes narrowed as he forced himself to concentrate on what he was doing, his sight straining slightly in the semi lit lab that he currently sat in, hunched over his messy desk. The tall turtle didn't make a sound, other than the gentle scraping of his pencil against the paper, too into the act of forcing himself to have some inspiration. The equations and calculations of his invention swam in front of his gaze, seemingly not adding up to anything that made sense. The more he pushed himself to make the numbers work the more he felt his patience begin to wear thin.

Numbers that once came to him easily and naturally, now eluded him as he tried to figure them out. The sounds of his pencil grew a bit louder as he pressed down harder on the blueprints, frustration building as he kept being met with dead ends. Donnie gritted his teeth as he continued on, losing his battle with his rising temper that boiled beneath the surface. The purple clad turtle had finally snapped when the familiar sound of his pencil breaking in half due to his harsh grip on it shattered the silence around him. As soon as he processed what had happened Donnie nearly threw the blueprints and broken pencil off of his desk, a budding snarl of irritation and fury coming up from deep within his chest.

'Several days. I've been at this for several days and still I've come up with nothing!'

His thoughts snarled in a frustrated manner making the turtle teen grab the ends of his purple mask and yank them in irritation. Eyes burning in barely controlled rage Donnie glared menacingly at the blueprints and broken pencil as if that alone would make things fall into place and make the numbers and calculations suddenly cooperate with him. Alas they remained the same, mindless strings of numbers and dead ends that seemed to go on forever no matter how hard he tried. Sucking in a sharp breath Donatello forced himself to relax before he completely lost it and ended up trashing his lab in his anger. With almost robotic movements the turtle teen pushed his chair back away from his desk before standing up to stretch his legs. The sounds of his back and joints cracking made the teen flinch slightly as his body protested against his movements. Rubbing his eyes with his three fingered hands, Donnie glanced off to the side of his lab to where his clock hung on the wall. The hands of the clock were on the one number, letting him know that it was currently one in the morning.

Donnie blinked owlishly as he stared at the clock, his brain somewhat sluggish and still filled with his earlier irritation as he processed.

"I've been in here longer than I should have been......I promised the others that I'd go to bed earlier tonight....."

The turtle mumbled as he felt a bit of guilt hit him. For several days Donnie had been in his lab, mindlessly tinkering away with small projects and trying to figure out his blueprints. During those days he'd done nothing but stay up late or work all the way into the early hours of the morning, barely stepping out of his lab other than to eat or use the bathroom. It'd gotten so bad that his brothers and father had had an intervention, telling him that he had to go to bed at a reasonable time for the next few nights or so. And Donnie had promised to go to bed earlier to help ease their minds. Yet here he was breaking that promise currently. The purple turtle swallowed hard as the earlier feelings of irritation and anger drained out of him, only to instead be replaced with an even bigger wave of guilt. Glancing off towards his desk the taller turtle let out a resigned sigh.

"There's always tomorrow. I'll get back to it then, right now I should clean up and get ready for bed."

The teen muttered to himself, his body moving at a slow pace as he started to clean up his lab a bit. Donnie was in no big hurry, taking his time as he placed his papers together and threw away his broken pencil and tossed out projects. Beakers and other things were placed in their correct places, the gentle clinking filling the quiet and dead lab. Moving on an autopilot of sorts Donnie began to become lost in his thoughts, his exhausted and drained mind wandering as he cleaned. Bits and pieces of thoughts and reminders floated around in his head as he put everything away, not bothering to pay much attention to anything. As his mind drifted off into a haze like state, Donnie had failed to realize that he'd left some boxes on the floor near his lab table until it was too late. One moment he was wandering mentally and then the next thing he knew he started to fall, his foot catching on the boxes causing him to lose balance. Donnie's eyes went wide with panic as he flung out his arms pin wheeling them to try and keep his balance and remain on his feet. However gravity and sleep deprivation won out in the end and he fell, his body falling backwards as he tumbled down. The lab once silent was now filled with the sounds of a shell hitting the hard lab floor and the sounds of things such as glass and books falling. Donnie hit the ground, a loud cracking noise shooting through the quiet as his shell and floor connected. In his fall he'd managed to hit a shelf which held his extra glass beakers and some of his research books, knocking them to the floor with him.

Donatello let out a pained wheeze when he hit it, the breath being knocked out of him. Blinking rapidly to try and regain his focus and sucking in shallow breaths Donnie began to blindly feel around him to make sure that he wasn't surrounded by glass. Once cleared the turtle seemed to deflate and remained motionless on the floor, trying to stop the room from spinning as he regained his composure. After about a minute of laying there he finally made the room stop moving and with a sore groan began to sit up, rubbing his back. Reddish brown eyes scanned the area around him and noticed the mess that he'd created. With a frustrated groan he felt that earlier irritation rise up to an even higher level. Growling in annoyance and rage Donnie began to grab the papers and books from the floor being mindful of the broken glass. As he roughly grabbed the books and somewhat slammed them down onto the floor into stacks a pile of papers fell out from one of the books scattering onto the floor.

"Oh come the hell on-!"

He began to snarl reaching his breaking point when he finally took in the papers that were in front of him. They were blueprints, and they were rather old if the faded pencil and weather worn edges had any telling of their age. But something about the blueprints were different from his usual ones that he made. With slow movements Donnie gently grabbed one of the sheets examining them carefully only to feel the breath in his lungs die out. There was writing on them, and while some of the writings and numbers were in his handwriting, there was another set of words and sentences that stained the pages in different hand writing. A hand writing that he'd recognize anywhere.

It was the hand writing of his oldest brother.

It was Leonardo's.

Donatello felt his heart stop and ice fill his veins as he stared at the blueprints with his big brother's handwriting on them as he realized what he was holding in his hand. It was the blueprints to a project that he and Leo had been working on. A device that looked like a mini turtle shell about the size of his hand, the device was a cellphone of sorts. Donnie felt his gut sink and his heart pounded loudly in his ears as he began to recall the memories. It had been Leo's idea, the turtle in blue had noticed that he and the others had no way to contact each other. And while on the surface it didn't seem like a big deal, when they were living the lives of ninjas with enemies like The Foot or the Kraang it was a necessity to have a way of communication. Especially if they'd been separated and needed help or backup.

Leonardo having thought of these risks that weren't really acknowledged as important at the time had came to the taller turtle and had asked him if there was a way for Donnie to make such a device. The younger turtle of course told him that he could and once Leo had explained his idea the genius had practically launched into the project. However he ended up not being the only one who worked on it. No surprisingly Leo had asked if he could help him with the project and Donnie had ecstatically accepted it. From that moment on the two brothers planned and came up with things that could be added to their invention. A project that was specifically for them to work on. And despite Leonardo not knowing much about machines and science, the blue clad leader had helped his younger brother with everything else while Donatello handled the specifics of the project.

Memories of the two hanging out in Donnie's lab as they worked and discussed the project filled his mind. Nights filled with quiet conversations and days filled with laughter and affection between them as they worked and bonded over the project. They worked on it whenever they had the time and parts, having started the project at fourteen years old and they'd worked on it with everything they'd had. In fact they'd managed to make a breakthrough and had been planning on making their cellphone of sorts into a reality when everything had gone to hell.

When everything had fallen apart.

When he and his family had lost Leonardo.

Donatello felt his throat tighten as he felt the pain slam into him as he recalled the tragedy that had destroyed his and his family's lives. It was a moment that was still crystal clear to him, a moment that still haunted him and made him unable to function whenever he'd thought about it. Donnie's hands began to shake slightly as he stared at the sheets his fingers tracing the date on the corner of the paper as he found his feelings being now at the forefront of his mind, his thoughts racing.

'Two years......has it really been two years......?'

The thought whispered making his heart sink as he realized to his horror that it had indeed been two years since Leo's death.

'Two years. 730 days, 1,7520 hours, and 1,051,200 minutes since he's been gone. Since I'd last spoken to him, since I'd last laughed with him or joked with him. Since I'd worked with him, and saw his smile.'

The thoughts flashed through his mind, racing faster and faster as his mind began to overwhelm him, no longer distracted by his earlier thoughts and projects.

'I'll never be able to finish this project with him. Leo will never see the final results of all his planning, will never see any of the projects that I've made. He'll never get to see my inventions or give me input or help me with them.'

The final thought finally broke him. Donnie pulled the blueprints to his chest plate, cradling them as if he could keep them from harm, as if he could bring Leo back to him and his family if he clung hard enough. Tears, large and fat flew down his face as Donatello broke down, the wave of his emotions finally drowning him. He sobbed into the empty lab air, his body trembling as he crumbled and curled in on himself. The blueprints were held tightly to his chest, his last remaining piece of his older brother Leonardo. The last remaining proof that Leo had once existed, that he'd once smiled and laughed and cried and got angry.

Proof that Leo had once been alive and well.

Donatello sobbed even harder, the tears and snot covering his face. Deep heart wrenching sobs shook his body. Grief and sorrow, deep and raw and jagged bled from his being, having finally been released for the first time since that horrid night when Raphael had come home, carrying Leonardo's broken katanas. After that night Donatello had buried himself in his work, refusing to think too much about it. But these blueprints made that fact, a fact he didn't want to acknowledge a reality for him. Numbers and equations decorating sheets of paper with undeniable evidence that once in his life Leo had been apart of it and now they proved that Leo was no longer with them. And it killed him, it made his heart bleed and burn and his soul scream. He didn't want facts, he didn't want to acknowledge them. He wanted to bury himself in his work, to not think about the memories that haunted him every single moment when his mind wasn't distracted. And now he was denied even that because of those numbers that were once his greatest ally. Now he was forced to face the facts of his life.

One, Leonardo had died.

Two, no matter how much he distracted himself and worked himself to the bone it wouldn't bring his big brother back.

Three, he was falling apart and there was nothing he could do about it.

Donnie let out a pained sob and shook some more, desperately wishing that Leo was with him. Wishing for the wisdom and comfort his older brother offered. Wishing to be able to see him one last time. The genius remained in his position for a long time, breaking down as the grief ate him from the inside out. As two years of repression of his emotions finally caught up to him and forced him to face the facts. Once his sobs had died down and his trembling ceased Donnie gently pulled the slightly crumpled blueprints from his chest and gazed at them, tracing the words and letters of Leo with a soft hand. As he got to the last sentence he paused as the words stood out to him.

'You can do it Donnie, even if you don't believe in yourself just know that I do. And I always will little brother, don't ever forget that. You'll do great with this project and so many more and I'll be with you every step of the way.'

It was a sentence that Leo had written shortly before his death. The purple clad teen had hit a dead end with their project and his older brother had noticed it. In an attempt to raise his spirits he'd write little encouraging notes on pieces of paper and it appeared that he'd done the same to their blueprints. Rereading the message Donnie felt a sense of heartache and bitterness hit him as he realized that Leo wouldn't be with him every step of the way. He never would be ever again. Staring at the blueprints a sudden steely resolve filled him. Forcing himself off of the floor Donnie left the lab leaving the mess to be cleaned up in the morning. Clasped gently in his hand was those blueprints that held a dream that the two of them shared and that one of them never got to see through.

But Donatello would see it through.

He'd see it through for the both of them.

Numbers had always been his greatest ally and his greatest comfort, but now those numbers mocked him every moment of his life. Reminding him of the passage of time, of all the days, hours and minutes that pass him by and make the memories of Leonardo fade away into nothing. Always haunting him with facts that he wished to never face. And it tore him up inside.

And it would for the rest of his life.

*I'm back with this series and I've finally gotten to part two of the Four Years series!!! I went with Donnie this time since he's the third child and I wanted to give him some spotlight. I tried to do my best at getting into a Donnie mindset since he's a guy who's more logical and driven by facts and numbers than pure faith alone. I just hope that I managed it. Next part will feature our favorite boy in red so I hope y'all look forward to it!! Anyways if any y'all read this I hope you enjoyed!!!!*

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explodingstarlight · 2 months

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doodling teetles

And here are some close-ups (might put them on their own backgrounds one day, but it's 5 AM and I'm tired so):

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risestarkiss · 6 months

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On His Own Terms

Rise Ramblings #2

In my post, “This Whole Situation,” I discuss how Donnie doesn’t see himself or his mutation as something that needs to be hidden away. He wears clothes when he's out and about, and that’s about it. However, as turtlemen in the middle of NYC, sometimes they need to actually wear disguises. So, what does Donnie do in those cases?

Old ladies? Well, that’s a choice. And the way Leo phrased the question is interesting as well.

“Why do you always make us dress up as old ladies.”

This means that every time it’s up to Donnie to choose the disguise, it’s not up for discussion. They’re going to be old ladies. Period.

But the most interesting part of this scene is Donatello's answer to Leo's question.

You would think that blending in would be the main goal, but no. Donnie’s main goal with his chosen disguise is: comfort. He’s not willing to sacrifice his own comfort just to make other people comfortable with his presence.

He’ll wear a disguise if he must, but only on his own terms.

And I’m happy that he can set his boundary and stick to it.

Never change, Donnie, never change…

○○○○

…Does anyone else see Leo’s old lady drip?! Where did he get those pearls from? Forget the pearls, where did he get the pantyhose? Did he style his own wig? How long did it take for him to put on his makeup? What color eyeshadow is that? Look at those lashes! Look at those bazongas! He put so much work into his fit, no wonder he received a compliment.

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lara-cairncross · 2 months

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opposite sides :)

#plot twist this au is now Baja Blast / Brains and Brawn centric ✨#/j #but only kinda #fairy au #rottmnt fairy au #my art #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt leo #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt raph

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wormspoodle · 1 year

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okay this last one is ironic,, way out of character,, I just thought it was funny. ^^^

#sorry this is so leo centric #I keep thing abt s4 leo or something #also 2 of these are just me incorrectly quoting things leo has said/ thought in the show #tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2003 leo #tmnt 2003 mikey #tmnt 2003 donnie #tmnt 2003 raph

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twiyke · 8 months

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shout out to that au i always forget to talk about (risetober 15: battle nexus)

#i have these aus that i never mention everr because my mind is like an oversalted pretzel #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt donnie #rise donnie #risetober #risetober 2023 #avepharts #kevlar carapace au #<- never reallytalked about it lmao. it's donnie-centric post-movie

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rosesofenvy · 5 months

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Golden Future AU Arc 2 Chapter 6 is posted!

Collab with @sha-biest - more content at #goldenfutureau

#rottmnt #rottmntfanfic #goldenfutureau #goldenfuture #sbrecollab #it’s a Leo centric one #he gets Put Through It the next few chapters #rottmnt leo #ALSO SHAS DRAWINGS FOR THIS ONE #THE DONNIE HAD ME SCREECHING!!!#rottmnt disaster twins #this image of them will always be precious to meeeeee

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kaysdenofchaos · 1 year

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What bothers Donnie about Mikey the most?

Cough leet’s just say that putting someone who copes through physical affection with someone who is repulsed by it uh. Doesn’t mix well :,D

#bs season 3 will be more Mikey donnie centric if you haven’t noticed lol #battlescarsau #battle scars au #bs asks #art #digital art #rottmnt #rottmnt au #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt art #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt donatello #rise donatello #rise mikey #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt angst

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sylphee · 1 year

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Here’s the art I made for Boys Will Be Bugs, Right? by the super cool @glowbug252, which features Raph facing a really big ant and his inner demons. Please give it a read!! :D

(Part of Grab a Slice: A TMNT Bang!)

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xstarkillerx · 6 months

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Because I'm in procrastination mode today aperantly, you know what else I've been thinking about? My dear, sweet @anakincentric. Pretty Blade, this is for you because I love your version of anakin so much <3

Tw: dead dove do not eat

We've talked about this before but I honestly love the idea of being anakin's little baby and having a dirty blog where you reblog porn gifs and talk about all the ways you get fucked into oblivion by him. Anakin knows about it of course, but he isn't nosy, you never have to worry about him snifing around.

It's a rare bout of confidence (stupidity) that leads you to ask if he wants to see it, and he honestly wouldn't have paid it any mind if you didn't immediatly backtrack. All red in the face and turning away, looking like you just realized what a bad a idea that would be and well... now he's gotta see what's on there. So, he settles you in his lap while you log in and make a big fuss about hiding your password from him. As soon as you log in there's already a gif of some big brutish man shoving his cock into a girls tight asshole, and you're whining all over again about how you change your mind and "do i have toooooo." Anakin doesn't budge. You wanted to show him, and he knows all this fuss that came after is an ill attempt at reinserting shame where it has no business being, so you proceed to your blog, pretty and pink as expected.

See, it's not so much the gifs of pretty little girls like you getting passed around and wrecked, or the videos of pussies getting stuffed full by inhumanely large dildos that you reblog, it's the paragraphs upon paragraphs you post, they're fucking filthy, kind of gross, honestly. You can feel his eyes scanning the page, his little huffs of amusement, his gentle squeezes on you arm when something was particularly vulger. You're getting redder by the minute.

"I didn't even know you knew that word, Aivela-"

"Daddy, we can stop now." Your little hands are grasping tightly at his shirt sleeve, resisting the urge to tug his hand away from the computer, you've had enough.

"No, keep going, what's that? Oh, that's a long one, you wanna read it to me?" Your nails are close to ripping holes into his sleeve, you know this one, you know this one. You shake your head, craning your neck to look up at him and give your best pleading look, it only solidifies his interest. "Come on angel, I worked all day I'm tired. Read it."

And you do, quietly, full of shame, stuttering. "Today my... Today my d- dad caught me by suprise. Mom was doing laundry in the basement while he fucked me upstairs in the livingroom. I had my headphones on, music blasting when he pushed me over the arm of the sofa and pulled my..." you flail your arms, too flustered to continue.

"Come on, I wanna hear what your dad did to you."

All you can bring yourself to do is hide your face in the crook of his arm. "you know already it's you!" you stretch every vowel, whining and cranky, he can tell you've had enough. Anakin continues reading in his head, dropping the odd comment here and there and stroking your hair while your face remains hidden against his chest.

"Oh my," "no, baby that's fucking dirty, I don't remember it like that," "you slut, is that why you asked me to say that again? wanted to commit it to memory to tell are your perv followers about it?" Every one made you squirm, and when he finished he gave you a kiss on the head with a laugh. "You like telling them them I'm your dad? Look at me, is that what you post on your little blog all day?"

You nod, looking about close to tears when he pulls you in for a kiss. He laughs like it's the most amusing thing in the fucking world, endearing even, regardless of how fucked up it might be.

"They just eat it up huh? Bunch of fat old virgin fucks in your dms?" You nod, too shy, too overhwelmed to tell him about the wealth of unasnwered anonymous asks you have stockpiled you telling you yeah well if I was your dad I'd molest you too, and no wonder he touches you he's got a perfect slut for a daughter. Love the stories <3. Those are for a different day.

#centric sweetheart #daddy! anakin skywalker #anakin skywalker smut #donnie does 👑#tw: dead dove don't eat

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lizaaardstuff · 5 months

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Turning Purple Chapter 13!

Chapter 13 is now up!

#rise of the tmnt #rottmnt #tmnt #rise donnie #rottmnt donnie #save rise of the tmnt #rise leo #rottmnt leo #this is a leo centric chapter #turning purple

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dysfunctional-doodle · 6 months

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I always found it odd in Fast Forward how the turtles never were phased by being able to go out in public, and then realising that no, climbing up the sides of the buildings and jumping across cars is not social etiquette. So I wrote this.

The fic is a lot more angsty, actually. It’s called What Was Left Behind, and it’s about Mikey realising that he is struggling to fit into the future world he’s always dreamed of despite usually loving change.

I wanted to explore what it would be like for someone who usually is very optimistic to begin to fall, and Mikey became my emotional punching bag again, poor dude. I know Raph got some focus in the series, so it may have made more sense to write this about him, but I dunno, the concept I was trying to go for seemed to fit Mikey more for me.

But yeah, 6 pages of angst. Check it out if you want, otherwise it’s chill.

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vexahlla · 1 year

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Donnie and Leo as twins, as the middle kids, both developing big egos to overcompensate for what they admire in the other and find lacking in themselves.

Donnie seeing Leo's charisma and natural talent for connection, and wondering why his own social skills are so different, and throwing himself into a more useful, tactile way to help the ones he loves, not realizing that his more straight forward outlook on things is needed in their very chaotic family. Doubles down on being the Smart Guy.

Leo seeing Donnie's smarts and completely disregarding his own because the role of "idea guy" is already filled. This is why he rarely communicates his plans, because he's not book smart (aka "donnie smart") so they don't count, they're just his own personal whims that he doesn't let anyone in on until stressed. To Leo, everyone on the team has something to contribute EXCEPT for him, something useful. Doubles down on being the Cool Guy.

Brotherly competition twisting in on itself because of self worth issues. They're both competitive, especially with each other, but I want to talk about Leo here for a bit. Once he has no control over the situation, it's "not a competition" because he can't stack up. Leo's the leader from the start in every universe but Rise, and in this one he's blind to even considering that's where he fits because of a low self image. He doesn't take things seriously because he doesn't take himself seriously, and this carries over to his leadership role at first because threats are low after he takes over until very suddenly they're not anymore.

#um #rottmnt #leonardo hamato #donatello hamato #idk if this makes sense anymore im distracted and been up all night but i think i put all my thoughts down #its leo centric bc i have a blorbo type and it started as only being about leo anyway but what can i say donnie snuck in

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badnewswhatsleft · 3 months

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14 what a catch, donnie mv - commentary (patrick, joe, andy)

#fall out boy #patrick stump #pete wentz #andy hurley #joe trohman #time capsule #on film #bndv1dvd #i want to have listened in on that pete+alan ferguson convo abt this treatment. this sentimental melancholic patrick-centric treatment.#0:35 patrick considered this one of the best songs they ever wrote... literally speak your truth say it so loud i am always listening king #1:53 i like that he knows jonathan livingston seagull as the movie first and foremost and not as. the novella.#4:13 the joetrick hug was scripted and patrick would never hug joe irl its so joever /j #i love this mv so much i bought it with actual monetary currencyfrom itunes in like 2012 #and such is the nature of itunes purchases that it inexplicably followed me on EVERY device since then #when my own music files photos documents dont got me i know this 2012 purchase of the what a catch donnie mv got me #i believe there may be an additional carpal tunnel one but im still waiting for the jp edition in the mail.. if it's true i will upload!#if it's not true then ig i'll just go fuck myself

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whattraintracks · 2 months

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22. Puzzling - TMNT 2012

Don't worry, guys, that wasn't supposed to happen.

When the bit of Kraang tech he's examining (read: poking randomly in the hopes that something will happen) explodes, Donatello's not sure if he or Raphael shrieks louder. He thinks it's Raph. Which would be way funnier under different circumstances.

He blinks against sooty particulates. "Huh, well, that wasn't supposed to happen."

He's amid a cloud of unexpectedly thick, slightly pink smoke. Which is on-brand but frankly annoying. He waves at the air in a vain attempt to disperse it. Maybe he can move this operation to the kitchen, work under the exhaust hood. He should probably install one in here. He gives up flailing his arms, and backs away from the desk. Step one to solving any problem is getting some distance. Step two is—oh, that's weird. The cloud doesn't seem to have moved since the initial explosion. What kind of particles are these? He hasn't seen Kraang tech do this before.

The moment he remembers Raph is also the moment he trips over him. With a yelp, he hits the ground. Hard. Raph giggles. Rude. He's going to have at least two bruises tomorrow. And his scream was definitely louder than Raph's, so he's lost any right to make fun.

"Dude," Donnie groans, pushing to his feet. At least he's away from the Kraang smoke, "Why'd you trip me?"

"I don't know," comes the high-pitched reply, "Why're you so big?"

By the time his eyes clear, he's pretty sure it's a genuine question, not an insult about his height. It makes more sense once he looks down, down, down to find Raph miniaturised.

Donnie throws his hands to his head. "That wasn't supposed to happen, either!" Raph just giggles again.

"Leo!"

As far as they can tell, based on Raph's appearance and memories, he's about five. Donnie can't even remember being that young. Which he counts as a good thing because kids are weird. Or maybe that's just mutant turtle kids. He doesn't have experience with normal children to establish a baseline. Leo and Sensei do, though, and they seem unperturbed by Raph's behavior. Even Mikey takes the whole thing in stride. He is, in fact, absolutely thrilled and oscillates between gathering blackmail material and doing whatever Raph asks.

Donnie will admit he's having trouble making sense of it all. First, and he thinks he’s mentioned this, that was not supposed to happen. He can't figure out how a broken Kraang tech part without any detectable energy source could have caused something like this. Which naturally leads to the question of how he's meant to fix it. Raph has no idea what happened, either, so he's no help. Worse, he just might be the most confusing being Donnie has ever met. Take yesterday, for example.

He's not sure what time it is when he stumbles out of the lab for breakfast, so it might not technically be in the range of the day at which it is appropriate to call a meal breakfast. His brain is too full of viscous pink Kraang smoke to care. It must be some mealtime because everyone but Master Splinter is in the kitchen when he arrives. Leo is at the island supervising Raph and Mikey's mess-making by the stove.

Raph perks up, "Hey Donnie! I wanna tell you a question."

"Ask nicely, Raph," Leo reminds, hiding a smile behind the rim of his tea cup.

"Please, I wanna tell you a question." He barrels on, "How do you open your labrador?”

Open his what? Donnie stares at the space above Raph's head, trying to parse the question until a nudge from Leo resets his brain. "Say what?"

"Your labrador!" He flings his arms out, nearly knocking himself to the floor. Mikey catches the lip of his shell just in time.

“What Labrador? Raph, I don't have a—”

“Yeah, you do!” He's angry of a sudden. Of course, he is. But it's weird. It's not the first time Donnie's made him mad since the incident, but he's never gotten in anyone's face or stormed off with a huff. He just screeches until he gets whatever it is that he wants. It's Raph's anger, but it's not. “It’s how you get to the place you do all your smart stuff!"

Mikey swoops in, crouching to squeeze Raph gently, then translates, “He means the door to your lab, bro.”

“The door? Oh. Why would—?" Donnie sighs heavily, sinking into the stool next to Leo. “Raph, that’s the lab door,” he enunciates, “Not a Labrador. A Labrador is a dog breed."

Just like that, Raph's face unscrunches into something thoughtful. “So it’s not a labrador?”

Well, at least the exasperation is familiar. "I literally just said that. It’s a normal door.” Leo clicks at him warningly. Come on, what is he supposed to do here? Seriously, this feels surreal. Maybe this whole dialogue is a dream, and he's hunched over his desk right now. He straightens his shell to test for any worse-than-usual aching.

“Okay," Raph says. Then he turns around. Just like that. As if the entire conversation never happened. Never mind his original question or whatever he was trying to ask. He makes no sense, literally none at all.

But, you know what, fine. Donnie has to eat anyway so he can go back to the "place where he does all his smart stuff" or whatever. So he can figure out how to get his actual brother back, who at least makes sense most of the time.

Leo finishes his tea, returning Raph's enthusiastic wave goodbye, and then there are three. Mikey and Raph finally settle down to eat whatever noxious concoction they've whipped up as Donnie cleans his dishes. Freshly fed, his brain refills with extradimensional smoke and engineering.

"Well, that's boring!"

He fumbles with his mug at the sudden shout. A glance over his shoulder finds Raph, who had been eating quietly, now glaring at him.

“You should name that boring normal door Labrador so we can just call it that anyway," he says firmly.

He's not sure why he tries to ask, “Why would I—”

“Or or!" And it's like a switch again, anger suddenly dissipating. "We could name it something cooler! Like Thundoor from Crognard!”

“Thundarr,” He corrects. It's too late, Mikey's joins in.

“That’s awesome, little dude!" Mikey laughs buoyantly. "We should name all the furniture!”

“Yeah!”

And Donnie is so tired and so lost, and Raph is too much and too little of his brother at the same time it’s not even funny anymore. He doesn't think it ever was.

“Come one, Dee!" Mikey hoists Raph onto his shoulders, naturally content to ignore the messy kitchen. "Help Raphie and I name everything in the lair!”

Donnie tries to shake his head as Raph reaches for him. “Can you! Can you, please? Just for a little bit, please, Donnie, please?” Oh, now he recalls his manners.

"No, Raph." He bangs his mug onto the drying rack, ignoring Mikey's frown. "I don't have time for your nonsense questions and weird games. I'm trying to fix you."

It's not until he slams closed the lab door that the words trailing after his dramatic exit finally click. A puzzled sort of muttering from Raph: "Fix me? But I’m not broken."

So maybe he got a little too worked up, as tired as he was. But he's better now! He's eaten. He's slept five hours. He's determined to sit here until he cracks this thing.

And then someone bangs on the door.

He drops his head with a groan. How is he supposed to heroically solve all of their problems in these conditions? “Who is it, and what do you want," he shouts into the pages of his notebook.

"Once a second!"

One second, he mouths to himself. He listens to Raph struggle with the door for a lot of seconds and hopes he'll give up. He probably won't. Donnie better unlock it before he hurts himself. Or worse, starts screaming. Only because Leo would find some way to blame Donnie for it.

He shoves the door open, not at all irritated. Or vindicated either, when Raph falls on his shell and his sai skitter across the floor. Wait. “I thought Sensei took those out of your—Hey!”

Five-year-old Raph may not be much of a ninja but he is pretty slippery. He scrambles under Donnie's arm and launches into the rolling desk chair.

“Raphael." He glowers, summoning his inner Leo, "You are not allowed in the lab—”

“Without you,” he recites, spinning the chair so Donnie only catches glimpses of his cheeky smile. “But you’re here too! So it’s okay.”

It most definitely is not. Raph has no understanding of lab safety right now, so if Raph stays in here, then Donnie will have to keep an eye on him, and if Donnie has to watch Raph, then he can't focus on his work. He does not want Raph in here, and he says so.

“Donnie, I'll be so so so good. Please!” Oh, Mikey absolutely taught him how to do that with his eyes. Not cool, Mike.

“Raph," Donnie faux whines back. "I need to work. Go play with Leo or Mikey."

"Ugh," Raph flops onto his shell, letting his head and limbs hang. “But Sensei and Leo are medating, and Mikey’s with Red."

“Meditating," he corrects, "And I know you know her name is April.”

“Casey calls her Red.”

“Yeah, well, Casey’s a—” Raph looks at him with wide, innocent eyes. A promise on his face that anything Donnie says will be repeated. "It’s polite to call people by their name."

Raph hums, continuing to spin idly, “But I don't call you Donatello, I call you Donnie. And you call me Raph or sometimes Fai.”

Not a bad point. But what was that second thing? Fai? Oh. His brain retrieves fuzzy, forgotten memories. That's right. When they were both little, that had been his nickname for Raph. Just between the two of them. He can't remember when he stopped using it.

“Right," he says slowly. "But those are nicknames. They're a shorter version of your name.”

“Oh, okay.” Then Raph rolls out of the chair, clunking to the ground shell first, and wanders away to explore the lab.

Donnie retakes the seat, resigning himself to further interruptions. Part of his brain is devoted to thinking up better excuses in case this is one of those conversations Raph returns to without warning. The rest of his awareness is on Raph as he pokes and prods at books and equipment and even poor Timothy. It takes the better part of a half hour for him to realise he's still sitting at his desk not moving a muscle.

He growls, gripping his head. Raph is on him in an instant. "What's wrong? Can I help? Do you need a book? Do you want one of mine? I can get Leo! Or Sensei, or—"

"No," Donnie snaps.

He gapes as Raph's beak trembles and his eyes fill with tears. "You're crying. Why are you crying? Please stop crying." He slides to the floor next to Raph, "I'm sorry? It's just. I'm trying to focus! I need to fix you, but I don't—"

“I don’t want you to fix me!” He shouts, scrubbing his face and hiccupping. “I just want to play! Why won’t you play with me anymore?"

“Raph, I," Donnie looks down at his hands, "I don’t have time,” he finishes lamely.

“Yes, you do! You’re just being mean!” He runs out of the lab. Probably to someone who actually understands him. Someone who tries. Donnie wonders if he’ll ever stop messing things up for Raph.

Because as far as they can tell, this version of Raph went to bed one day, and the family he found upon waking was suddenly different. Of course, Raph is frustrated and confused and probably a little scared. He's not just normal Raph in a smaller body. Donnie might've realised that sooner if he'd spent more time with him instead of causing one mess after the other and then hiding from it all in his lab.

Donnie doesn't remember when he was five, but he's heard Sensei's stories about their childhood. The ones about his younger self hanging on Raph's every word. That one embarrassing retelling of the biggest fight Donnie ever caused by announcing Raph was his favorite brother. His father's memories of them doing everything together, at least until Donnie really got into science. So he steps out of the lab and locks it behind him. His brother, this brother, needs to come first.

He must look contrite enough that Leo only grills him a little before he points to Raph's room. After a single breath of indecision, he sits, shell against the door.

“Hey, Fai?” he starts, tugging at his fingers, “I’m really sorry. I have been pretty mean lately, haven’t I?” It takes a few moments, but a little thud echoes on the other side of the door.

Relieved, he continues, “I’m not as good at this as I used to be. I might need your help. But I’m out of my lab right now, and we can play whatever you want.”

Donnie hits the floor before he realises the door has swung open. Little Raph is looking down at him, eyes still watery but excited. "Really? Anything? Even Space Heroes!"

And Donnie almost can't believe it's that easy. He smiles with Raph's infectious joy. “Space Heroes? Who are you, Leo?”

Raph collapses into him with a laugh that banishes the rest of his tears as Donnie reaches out, tickling him just like he's seen their big brother do. He's still giggling when Donnie staggers to his feet. “Think I could use some bedding to build us the Dauntless?”

Raph cheers. Launching into an explanation of his favorite episodes and characters as he directs them around the lair to collect supplies. If this isn't blackmail material, Donnie doesn't know what is. Raph will never be able to deny that he likes Space Heroes ever again. Once Donnie figures out how to reverse this Kraang-smoke-induced de-aging that is.

He does still have to. They need Raph as he should be: their teammate, their protector, their equal. But if he were here in those roles right now, Donnie knows he would have heard a thousand times over that he needs to sleep, to eat, to take a break for at least five minutes, Don, come on.

So he'll try. He'll take breaks to hang out with his favorite brother. He'll get a lot of experience building sheet spaceships and pillow forts. And by the end of it all, Donnie will realise his little brother really does just want to play and ask silly questions that probably don’t seem so silly to him. He'll decide this little version of Raph isn't a puzzle of confusing emotions. He's the same pieces he's always been, unfiltered and untethered from all the pain and fear of their older selves.

And so, even after Raph returns to 16, whenever the thought creeps up on Donnie that he's not doing enough, that he needs to fix it. He'll lock his lab behind him and say, "Hey, Fai! Wanna play something?"

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