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nights-flying-fox · 8 months

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Deep (Purple) Thoughts (and Realizations)

◇ Click here to read on AO3 | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 ◇

Chapter 5: Talk It Out Donnie shares some information.

Word Count: 1743 | CW: manipulation (kind of??), self blaming (not donnie tho), mentions of genocide, survivor's guilt

(if you think i should add something plz tell me)

Controlling the Technodrome was an exciting idea at first. Donatello Hamato, the first person to fly a spaceship! His dreams from childhood were about to become real. Then he had discovered how disgusting it was. Icky, slimy, alive. The texture on its own made Donnie nauseous. But he could do it, for he was a genius, and this must not stop him. Not when he had said he could. Not when his family’s lives were on the stake. So, he had forced himself. With Mikey’s support the situation being a bit bearable. With every step it got worse. He had to use himself, not just his hands.

So, he let himself fall into the spaceship.

At first it felt as if he was being captured. Technodrome’s parts holding him, becoming a part of him. Then he had gasped. Connected. He had control. He knew everything! He could use it, protect his family and be powerful! He had knowledge!

With ease he controlled the Technodrome. He let it move according to the plan, protected Mikey. He knew why he was there and what he could do. But he wanted more. He could do more. He wasn’t just Donnie, he was also a spaceship. He was a genius with power and knowledge.

Donnie looked at the ground. “Except knowledge isn’t always good, it turns out.” He spoke. “Not when you can see what the Krang did.”

The silence felt too long, too heavy. He knew his family were giving him time, he appreciated it. And he wanted to tell them what happened. It was just hard. He felt his hand being squeezed. Raph smiled at him, supportive. Donnie took a deep breath.

“During my time connected with Technodrome I felt invincible. I didn’t care about what I learned. I... I even could understand why Krang wanted power.” He didn’t want to admit it. But he didn’t want to lie. It was what had happened, what scared him. “Afterwards it changed. Everything I knew, it was terrible. The planets they had taken over, the wars... I am glad we stopped them.” He didn’t want to get into the details. Not wanting to talk about how Technodrome was a corrupted thing, alive.

“Donnie...” He heard April whisper.

Before she could continue, he talked again. “The spaceship didn’t whisper or talk like in the horror movies. But it seemed to try control me too.”

“Control you?” Raph asked.

“It wanted me to join them.” Donnie replied. “At least that’s my guess.”

Another silence. He looked at them. Raph looking at him with understanding eyes, Mikey seemed to be worried, and Leo looked at him with wide eyes. Horror, guilt.

“Don’t blame yourself dumdum.” Donnie warned. He knew his twin well enough to stop him spiraling into self-hate. And not because they’d comfort each other when they had these moments of heavy guilt or self-hate at times.

“I shouldn’t have asked you to do something like that without knowing what exactly was it.” Leo said. “I am sorry Donnie.”

“Don’t.” He cut him off. “I wanted to do that anyway. It was an efficient information against the Krang as well.”

“You learned about their genocides.” Leo pointed out.

“Exactly. And that’s why what you did was insane, reminder.” Donnie glared at him.

Leo huffed. “Can’t even apologize and have a heartfelt moment without being accused with your past decisions.”

Donnie grabbed the pillow he was sitting on and threw it on his face. Leo yelped, “Hey!”

“You deserved it, idiot.”

“Rude.”

Suddenly Donnie was pulled into a side hug. He didn’t need to look to know it was Rapha. The big guy had that emotional look on his face. “Raph gets it, and he is very proud of you sharing this.”

“Thanks Raph.” Donnie said, relaxing in the hug a bit. He was still feeling the nervousness from remembering everything, but he didn’t mind Raph’s hug. It was comforting. Then he decided to ask something he was wondering for a long time, hopping it wouldn’t hurt Raph now. “When you were... you know... was it like that too?”

Raph took a deep breath. “Kind of?” He replied. Then voice a little quieter, and yet bravely he explained. “I didn’t see what you did see, at least not during my time like that, but my mind was empty and all I felt was needing power and accomplishing my mission.”

That was enough for what he wanted to know. Donnie decided to not ask anything else. “I’m sorry big guy.”

“It is fine.” He said. “Genuinely, I appreciate everything guys. You helped me a lot in the past weeks.”

It was true. Raph, unlike Donnie, had accepted help. Had admitted remembering parts of his time under Krang’s control, and that he had nightmares often. Raph didn’t want to tell them everything about that time, but he had shared enough for them to understand. Enough to get help. Maybe Donnie should’ve done the same.

“Is there anything we can do to help you Donnie?” Raph asked.

He still could, actually. “I...” He began, whispering. “...I don’t have nightmares but... there are times I fear I will feel like that again.” He admitted. “I can’t sleep.”

“So, this is why you spent hours awake during our turtle pile.” Raph realized.

Donnie nodded. Okay, end of the emotional stuff, right? He didn’t want to go into more details anyway. “That’s all from me. So, uh, we can move on?”

“You are terrible at this.” April shook her head with a smile. “But we can work on it. Right, Mikey?”

Mikey was uncharacteristically quiet. When all eyes were on him, he blinked confusedly, “Sorry, I was thinking something.”

“Something?” April raised a brow.

“Mhmm.” He was still fidgeting.

Nobody was going to let it slip, Donnie knew that. He was proven right when Raph smiled softly at Mikey, “Want to join to hug?”

Mikey looked at him with big eyes before nodding. As Mikey wrapped his arms around them, Donnie noticed his arms trembling slightly. “Is it your arms?” He questioned.

“No.” He replied.

“What’s wrong, big guy?” Raph asked softly.

Quiet. Then, “I should’ve done more.”

“What?”

Mikey snuggled more towards Raph, “I should’ve done more to help. Then none of you would’ve ended up this hurt.”

Donnie looked at Raph, confused. Raph looked back him with surprise. Before any of them could say anything though, Leo talked. “Mikey, what the shell are you talkin’ about? You literally broke some science law stuff to save my tail that day.”

Mikey turned slightly to look at Leo, “But I didn’t do anything like you did.” He said. “Raph got everyone safe, Donnie controlled a spaceship, April, Dad and Junior got Krang Sister, and you stopped Krang Prime!”

Everyone looked at him confused. “Mikey, you realize that without you I could have ended up be dead, right? Heck, we all would be, considering it is your future version who sent Junior back in time.” Leo said. “You even threw a freaking building at Krang.”

“...It still doesn’t feel enough.” Mikey whispered. “I am sorry, it doesn’t make any sense.”

“Actually, it does.” April interrupted. She turned to Shelldon who was watching them all silently the whole time. “I am not sure, but wasn’t there something about feeling bad for not going through something others did?”

Shelldon was quick to answer, Donnie feeling proud at how fast Shelldon could gain information on situations like this. “The closest match seems to be survivor’s guilt.” He answered. “Survivor guilt or survivor's guilt is a mental condition that occurs when a person believes they have done something wrong by surviving a traumatic or tragic event when others did not.” He explained, reading an article he found. “Survivor’s guilt is a response to an event in which someone else experienced loss, but you did not. While the name implies this to be a response to the loss of life, it could also be the loss of property, health, identity or a number of other things that are important to people, is another definition from a different a source.” He added.

“Close enough, thanks Shelldon.” April turned back to Mikey. “Maybe it’s something like this?”

“Oh. How didn’t I think of this?” Mikey questioned with surprise.

“It’s okay, even Doctor Feelings can forget details.” Raph tried to reassure him.

“That’s why he should take a break.” Leo said. Then he proceeded to join the hug. “And you too. You did amazing back there, Mike. Don’t let your thoughts deceive you.”

“As an exception, I have to agree with him.” Donnie nodded. “You were very brave back there, Angelo.”

“Thanks guys.” Mikey smiled with teary eyes. “You are the best.”

April joined the hug as well, “So are you.”

Donnie was sure things were already better. Now only if his dumdum twin opened up too—

“Hey, Raph, if you don’t mind me asking,” Leo suddenly broke the comforting silence. “When you answered Donnie’s question… Is there something you haven’t told us?”

Donnie turned to Raph. If Leo suspected of something, it was worth to follow his lead. He was a good observer. Raph avoided to look at them, so it should be true that Leo was right.

“It isn’t that important.” He shrugged it off.

“Are you sure? You seem to be stressed about it.” April said, “You know you can tell it to us if it bothers you.”

Raph sighed, “I don’t wanna burden you guys with that. Really, I can handle it.”

“Okay… but don’t burden yourself.” Mikey reminded. “If it we can, we will help. Just tell us.”

“Thanks for the support, Mikey.” Raph smiled genuinely.

Mikey hugged him tighter as a response.

Donnie watched as Raph looked at the ceiling. He was considering. Donnie knew Raph would see nightmares that wouldn’t let him sleep. Raph was no night owl, it troubled him a lot. Even if he had tried to hide it, it would have been obvious. But Donnie had never thought there being another possible reason keeping him awake.

He held his hand and squeezed. A silent support, a reminder that they were here. Something the siblings would do when one of them was having a bad day and not being able to talk. Or when the world would become too loud for words. Or just when they wanted to remind each other they were by each other’s side without telling it.

After a moment, Raph squeezed back.

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catartac · 6 months

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The Wizard Sky’s Private Study

Edited to include the night version

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edwardwonghaupepelutivrusky4th · 11 months

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wah i looove their designs and animation...

#sketched last night looped ''hot air balloon'' track last night rewatched elemental last night you know just how it is....i love it all augh #elemental #elemental 2023 #pixar elemental #elemental fanart #ember lumen #wade ripple #it's so fun how just going w/the flow waviness drawing a wade is Correct. some flamey shiveriness / jaggedness in ember's lines is Correct #and it's all the more fun how it's like oh ofc not quite hitting the mark of how great their designs really are....so so good #and of course the expressive elasticity not only with their faces but the way their bodies ft. respective elements can be expressive #in addition to just usual [assume you have a usual literal human body] expressiveness options in posture / movement etc lol #also was thinking about how like we know everything we Need to know re: wade & his dad but also have so [zero details there]#which is interesting to wonder about. kinda assumed like oh a parent got sick & died but now considering how it could've been an accident..#the tiny layer of A Reaction he has when ember's talking abt parents giving up everything for you: could be nothing much; or Anything #also noting i Didn't note the first instances that they hear each other's names or introduce themselves thusly lol #or at least i sure can't recall it. just start knowing the other's name partway through which Isn't A Problem but it's like #ooh just more to consider & reexamine. i love to pick up More Details & that's helped by my difficulty in catching them in the first place #one thing about me i don't Catch things i don't Notice shit i don't Get stuff. and also of course: i do though lol #always a trip when it's like oh i love this movie i'm seeing it probably the two dozenth time #and then i notice something for the very first time that was clearly straightup meant to be Gotten upon the immediate viewing #even to the extent that smthing later seems to be kinda happening out of nowhere if you didn't. & i'd just rolled with it #like ok i'm autistic ofc that's something i gotta do all the time. & the adhd means i might keep getting distracted around the same pts.

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asfodelle · 7 months

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Hello, hello, here's the first scene of the one-shot I've been writing the last few months. It's about a 'He Tian is involved in the mob and returns occasionally tho feelings never leave' situationship neither can walk out of, Mo is a boxer, there's a touch of religious themes, made myself cry writing it, it's a blast.

1. May 5th 7:12 p.m. - Bell

Before leaving the car, He Tian lets out a long sigh, blowing smoke. He should probably get to praying.

The door snaps shut, echoing in the small street he parked in. Past the intersection he hears kids chatting, going home for dinner maybe. He Tian takes a second to watch himself in the reflection of his tinted windows. He readjusts the collar of his shirt, brushes his pants wrinkled from the long hours of driving, throws his hair backwards and the damp air soon gets him to fold his sleeves up. He doesn’t look so bad, he thinks. Tired. He rubs his face with both hands to bring back some color to his cheeks, then under his eyes as if he could dim the blue tint that’s been settling there, but it doesn’t have very conclusive results. He starts walking.

The entrance of the old warehouse is slightly different from the last time he’s seen it. It looks more welcoming, but it might just be a trick of the light. The peach clouds of the spring evening just paint a nicer ambiance than the grey winter sky did, last January. The gates have been adorned by new tags that have been sprayed on top of the old faded ones and there are flyers encouraging people to join the Sunday mass down the street glued all over, though they don’t reach very high. He Tian imagines a troop of old women roaming the streets, spreading the holy word but his little game of guesswork doesn’t help him relax one bit.

He gets in front of the door, a smaller entrance within the large sealed gate that used to let trucks in and out of the warehouse. He grips the handle for a second, takes a long inhale and gets in. His eyes slowly adjust to the dimmer lighting but he quickly notes that, contrary to its facade, the inside of the place hasn’t changed much since the last time he saw it. Between high walls of concrete and sheets of metal lie mismatched sets of equipment. Barbells, slick black punching bags, discolored benches of various sorts, a couple old bikes in the back, punch mitts forgotten over a pile of cardboards. A few training boxing rings give shape to the room, the space between them gives the illusion of corridors. The walls are covered in overlapping posters, the grey disrupted by layers on layers of paint and graffitis that even cover the high windows. They let small rays of tinted light in like the stained glass of a church, though the candles are replaced by tens of flickering LEDs lights. There are a few people here and there, busy with dumbbells or talking in their little spot but the room is so wide they can’t be heard. Stairs crawl by the walls leading to more rooms and places He Tian had never been to. Music resonates, low and muffled from a speaker somewhere in a corner.

In the middle of the room stands another ring, a bright red one standing higher than the rest, with white thick cords. When He Tian sees him, he’s sat there, on the side of the wooden platform the red ring rests on. He's listening attentively to a trio of teenagers, leaning backwards on his hands.

Guan Shan had taken a liking to boxing in high school. A good outlet, he said, one that taught him to measure his emotions. It stuck through the years and he’s been great at it. Then he started giving advice to newcomers, to give some of spare time to help young blood he saw himself in and slowly it transformed into actual lessons and training sessions he holds after work. These kids have been coming here for a couple years now, He Tian remembers them. They are reenacting punches and kicks, arguing and giggling over different combinations and they turn to their coach for approval whenever they get a new idea. He nods along and fixes their posture a couple times, something soft in his eyes. He looks beautiful. Toned and pale as ever, the bare skin of his chest clashes with the black shorts and the tattoos that spangle his body. He Tian stands close to the entrance, leaning cross-armed, his shoulder against a pillar and keeps on watching over him though he struggles to truly appreciate the contrast of colors due to the fifth character in the scene.

A guy he doesn’t know is sitting close to Guan Shan, too close. His hair is an ugly shade of bleached blond and he keeps looking at Guan Shan whenever he speaks with big dumb eyes, mouth agape and enamored. He looks young, but maybe He Tian only feels so much older than his age. He looks stupid.

He Tian hasn’t moved but Guan Shan suddenly lifts his head and catches him right away, as if he’d known all along where he was hiding. The way his eyes widen for a second betray his surprise however but he quickly regains control over his face. It seems like he excuses himself from his little group, the blonde argues something, he wants to follow but he’s brushed away by a dismissing hand.

Guan Shan glances back to He Tian’s shadowy corner and starts moving towards the closed rooms in the back of the building, grabbing a few boxes on the way. He Tian traces behind him with a confident walk and ignores how all of his body stiffens with apprehension, every single muscle a little too tight. Guan Shan enters the room first and He Tian follows a few seconds after. He closes the door behind them. The handle creaks and his hands are sweaty.

It’s not quite messy in here, but the little office room is packed. The desk is covered with stacks of papers, cardboard boxes are neatly piled up in the back of the room; some are already opened and uncover the gloves, the tapes and bandages they hold. The window is open too, letting in the noise of the city. Guan Shan sets the boxes he carried over on top of one of the piles and gets to fumbling in his bag, almost turning his back to the door where He Tian stands.

« Hi. » he tries, and braces himself for what’s coming.

« You know it’s fucking weird creeping in corners like this? »

He Tian pinches his lips in a thin line.

« Why are you here? » Guan Shan asks then, still busying himself in his bag. He doesn’t sound angry, just a little cold, maybe annoyed at the disturbance.

« I’ve got some business to handle in town. »

« I thought you were abroad until September. » Guan Shan muses, finding the shirt he seemed to be looking after, a large black one. He Tian follows his hands and notices he has splatters of white and red paint over his forearms, his short nails are stained too.

« The schedule is never really steady. »

Guan Shan scoffs. He Tian know that’s a first warning but he can’t help but focus on the way his muscles jolt, on the way they flex as he flips the shirt over. He tries to not lose his eyes on the curve of his biceps. It’s a struggle.

« I negotiated a little. » He adds « Took over Cheng’s spot. »

Little negotiations that involved a precarious alliance, three weeks of tailing for intel and a couple of threats. It was worth it.

Carefully, He Tian moves away from the door, closer to Guan Shan. He probably shouldn’t, definitely shouldn’t yet he lifts a hand and reaches out to touch his bare back. Guan Shan freezes.

« I wanted to see you. » he explains, voice low as his knuckles trace the bumps of Guan Shan’s spine. It’s daring. It might earn him a hook but the pull is magnetic.

As their routine dictates, they hadn’t parted in very good terms the last time and for that, coming back to him is always a gamble. A game of Russian roulette even and quite a dangerous version of it; one where he never even knew how many bullets were hidden in the cylinder, each of them taking a different shape. At times He Tian had handled days of scowling looks and a soft kiss that had left him bleeding out, he had received sharp words from petty fights without wincing but just the weight of Guan Shan’s rehearsed indifference could pierce his lungs and leave him breathless. He will take the hits, he does not care. It’s a game they’ve played for years now and as long as the other still accepts to pull the trigger on him, he’d take anything. After all, He Tian is the one who bound the gun to his hand in the first place.

A punch never lands this time. Guan Shan sighs, his shoulders drop then he turns around and throws his arms around He Tian’s neck, knocking the air out of him all the same. He Tian holds back tightly, and finally breathes out, his fingertips digging into hot freckled skin.

« I missed you. » He Tian whispers. What a fucking understatement.

The arms around his neck tighten in response, only for a brief second before they hear loud noise by the door. Their embrace ends as quick as it started, Guan Shan stepping back and turning to put on the shirt he had discarded a second ago. He glares at the door, expecting it to open at any moment but thankfully, the people outside only pass by.

« I’m training the kids all evening, and there’s a party at eleven, but I don’t think it’ll stay long. » Guan Shan says when the room has quieted down enough.

« I’ll pick you up then. »

Guan Shan nods. That should be He Tian’s cue to leave, he has a couple things to settle tonight anyway but the other looks as if he’s pondering over something. He Tian catches how amber eyes roam over his face, for a brief moment they even settle on his mouth, but then return to the door.

« Get lost. » he tells He Tian, tilting his head towards the door but there’s no bite into it.

When He Tian gets back to the car, his cheeks hurt. In the tinted window, his smile might look shy but it’s wider than it’s been in the last four months.

#19 days #19 days fics #my fic #writing wip #tianshan #it's actually a two shot but sshh it's a secret #it's about 70% done #though I was wondering if anyone would be down to beta read it #i dunno if it's still a very common practice but I'd be super interested in feedback #nothing too detailed or time consuming ofc #might make a post about that soon #anyway enjoy my friends #this HT leaving arc is gonna break my heart so im planning on mending it by writing angsty stuff

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ask-the-bone-boys · 2 months

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[[hey......psst........... if anyone wants to help out with an idea i have for tomorrow.............and you're okay with your question being edited and being lightly slandered in a very very silly way................you should send an ask off anon....................just because...............................]]

#ooc #toootally unrelated to any holidays that may be happening tomorrow of course nothing to do with those at all dont worry about it #mutuals would probably be funniest bc i can mess with yall Most Effectively #but really anybody can help me out with this!!!! it will be FUNNY!!!!!!!!#and also if any mutuals would like to participate but would rather not be surprised u can message me and i can give u more details ofc!!

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homosexualcitron · 1 month

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doing art trades made me realize how slow i becomed at drawing and aaahhhh this is not a problem but artfight is gonna be hard this year

#i didn't become slower my artstyle is just more detailed I KNOW IT BUT #it's a good thing actually because i like my art more and more and i'm able to do better stuff and ofc i need more time to make better stuf #it's good but i loved being able to draw over 150 ocs during artfight...#i managed to do 80 last year and i don't think i can do that much again #also don't ask how my wrist was doing after doing so many drawings IT WAS DOING BAD!!! OFC #my problem is that i want to fight everyone + attack back as much as possible #i can use less detailed artstyles as well!! :(( and nothing stop me from doing sketches but i always feel rly shy #if you do a 5 min doodle of my oc without any color or detail i'll still be the happiest person ever #but if i do the same i'll feel like i deserve to die dsjsjdds!!!#whatever it's in 2 months why am i thinking about it so much rn #it's gonna be ok probably

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unproduciblesmackdown · 7 months

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though i eventually got to read some, in earlier years goosebumps books would be the kind of series where i'd just ponder the cover art, and i always liked the drama of the monster blood illustration (the lighting/colors....sure nothing's happening in it but i felt it evoked the drama of "what if you're downstairs and something's upstairs" much like "what if you're upstairs and something's downstairs") like well too bad i guess i never got around to reading i at the time. but as of a recap yesterday i'm surprised to now be at least 90% sure i read part if not all of it, and thinking i hadn't may be due to how kind of nothing happens in it

#absolutely nothing familiar until ''there's a dog named trigger & the kid at one point has to rescue trigger from choking'' like Aha #for sure still remember various Events & Details from gb books i Know i've read....#welcome to dead house; the ghost next door maybe my most well absorbed ones lol. lot going on in those definitely #let's get invisible. some choose your own adventure varieties. calling all creeps. oh the haunted mask ofc; all time classic....#definitely hadn't read the phantom of the auditorium; reading it as an adult was a delight #things on the other side or the middle of the stairs it's just like skinamarink heck for real #itself like well that's absolutely the horror of being kids if not ''kids' horror'' lol #but that aspect is always inherently present in kids' horror...always surrounded by mysteries & lack of power/autonomy & fairly isolated...#anyways had a parent whose Disapproval Mode could be set off by various media available to kids my age so that was a minefield #(same parent thought it was inappropriate for some tv 14 rated programs to be available in a house solely ft. adults so there you are)#at least at first was of the ''horror for children?? inappropriate'' approach about it. i didn't check the books out of libraries ever #but eventually must've calmed down abt that b/c we Did own some & that's how i read most of ones i did #too late i was always a kid intrigued by / seeking out horror materials....john bellairs books which got pretty wild....#much less so as an adult b/c horror gets worse (& not in any good way) aimed for teens / adults like lord. You Do Not Get It #anyways turns out monster blood is probably riffing off the blob mostly but it's like not thee blob until way later #so most of the book wouldn't really be that memorable if it's 80% ''and then here was another weird thing abt the gunk''#but i would remember like oh no the dog is in mortal peril :( nooo trigger (trigger was fine)#sure didn't misremember that in welcome to dead house the dog went missing & was implicitly killed over Sensing The Deadness #appreciated that element in phantom of the auditorium where they're hanging out at zeke's & he has a dog #& secret but really just chilling painting sets & very corporeal ghost brian is like ''aw cmon...'' at that dog Not Liking Him #which is some barking & not being enthused abt brian's efforts to play fetch w/a ball lmao #but only to a mild degree like yeah he's not doing anything. brooke & zeke witnessing this simply like lol lmao #that trio is sooo funny. ghost just hanging out; So nervous; ending up dragged into the friend duo absolute menaces hellions lmao....#the paint on his shirt bit. just the way the whole back & forth of 4 ppl goes; it kills Me....

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rogersstevie · 11 months

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sometimes the fuckup is so bad that i’m not even interested in fix it fic

#would rather just read like post season 2 ted lasso fic or something #bc there were some good bits of season 3 but so much of it truly bugged me #how i feel about endgame too ofc i tried at first but some of those fics just made it WORSE #and it's like no thanks at most i'll read post iw fics and that's fine with me #sad though bc with all the little details ted lasso felt like such a good show to rewatch #AND THEN THEY DID NOTHING WITH ALL THOSE LITTLE SYMBOLS THROUGHOUT THE SEASON LIKE WHAT #how can you seem to be doing something so clever and then just...drop all of it #i can never get over it

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soldier-poet-king · 2 years

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You ever just have a week where you're made, once again, painfully aware of how much suffering there is and how little you can do to fix it???

#im not gonna give details. but my heart is breaking more than usual #and theres SO little i can do #im useless. i feel so useless #and its not even abt what i feel its about what i can do #and i can do nothing. im untalented. so tired from work that i cant do anytbing else #plus its not like im near anywhere that i could frequently volunteer at #there is so much injustice. esp economic injustice. these are children and the elderly #and im too soft for this all. im weeping. im going to drink tonight and hope to forget #and. ofc. i told my doc my ganglion cyst wasnt bothering me on Monday #today???? PAIN ALL DAY #and so i gotta call back like a dum dum and be like..jk. it's bad. can u send me a referral #its. its so much #i dont have to complete the work but neither can i abandon it #but what is the work. what can i do. im lost without answers

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astrxealis · 2 years

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good morning! <3

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#everytime i look at my theme or pfp. ahgghhhhhh happy happy ... raha beloved #KDHSJDJ we arrived at school early hooray! <3 hmmhmh and. xiv thoughts for today ..........#uhm. sound team is SO fucking good for xiv. heard its really genuinely accessible? all that yeah? really good #i cant rmbr what other ppl say but from experience i can DEFINITELY attest to that. considering i use glasses for obvious reasons and my #attention span and shit is kind of bad and i might have adhd but idk at all. xiv's sound effects seriously help me #like. i can do ultimates and savage and even if all that ywah for me is Not That Good. i can do hard content prwtty easily #ignoring that mechs can be hard ofc KFJDKD ... and optimization ... yeah!! i can concentrate even w/o rhat good focus. if that makes sense #and i love rhat this game. in general. is really accessible for disabled people! with the ui and sound effects both. really love that. and #its also more soloable now so for people who yeah thats good too! idk. they canr ofc cater to aeceryone perfectly (tho nothing is perfect)#like say w raiders :') but they do a pretty damn good job overall. man. amazing #handicapped people can literally complete ultimates! if you know who im specifically talking abt yeahh hehe. its a skill issue fr if you #cant do ultimates LMAO ppl who play w one hand can literally clear and minors like me who have shit focus and eyesight ^^#idk :O soken yeah yeah and all yeah djhfkend I FORGOT THE DETAILS but this has alrdy been said b4! so yeah! just my thoughts for thhis morn #hehehe. tbh i dont rlly have problems w the sound effects except for a bit when it comes to dnc/brd when the gauge/s fill up to max :O ?#it might be diff now tho. but yeah the sounds really serve as amazing cues. they definitelt work well for me personally

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treflev · 2 years

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Might the sequel be about (among others) the other people that disappeared?

#entropic float #yeah yeah i'll go back to sleep now #just remembered abel's parents yknow and since they simply vanished #either the ~eeviiiil~ organisation made them #or an anomaly did?#i mean maybe ofc #and then there's greta's daughters similar options too lazy to type details #at this point why even write in tags #(ik ik it's probably nothing remotly close to that just let me throw out ideas in the wild)#eret talks

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baekuras · 2 years

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Actually watched the 4th season of Stranger Things today and bless Eddie for reminding me Metal exists because that is very much what I used the rest of my day to listen to after finishing the season You know For fun, helping me not stay mad and also for good old denial (god damn it Munson)

#txts #i am predictable-look at this dude ofc i'd like him #stranger things for me is still a brains off doesnt need to be good to be entertaining show #so if you ever see smth on my dash from it it'll be super selective #i watch this by skipping half the stuff i swear-I very much have my fav characters and then ones i do not care about #not at all maybe Love me a happy ending and all that #but yeah sry to my coworker who rly likes the show and wants to talk in detail about it #and i am here like-if you don't want me to gush about specific details about these like 5 characters or such then idk #for your info: this season it was roadtrip-crew and El who got the short side of my patience stick #sry but-Steve Robin Max Dustin and ofc for this ride Eddie all had my attention 300% more #also i may have downloaded the episodes so no subtitles so I basically tuned out the russian stuff until we got to the fighting near the end #woop de doo-maybe one day i'll learn if smth interesting happened there #not tonight though #tonight i am busy doing nothing just vibing to some more music #i am still mad about the whole doctor thing but i am also very much throwin #my limbs and head and all that body stuff #around in an approximation of a dance? or such? unclear #i have no goal here other than ~vibing

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cosmicangsts · 3 months

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he feels awful. genuinely. this young lady is looking at him like he's got all the answers, like he's everything she's been searching for and more, and he's just . . . forced to admit that he knows nothing, precious little about the situation he's just warped himself into.

" . . . well, yes. i am the doctor. that is true but . . . probably not the one you're looking for. i - i'm sorry to disappoint you . . . " he's got his hands jammed sheepishly in his pockets as he rocks slightly on his heels.

✦ ( @ncmad liked for a starter ! )

#🏏 ( ic . )#( starter . )#( closed . )#ncmad #thank u for ur patience #i read ur detailed dw verse and ofc five knows nothing abt all of those events #half a century if not more after his time

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igneouswyvern · 4 months

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every day i live in anguish over the pendrago arc of zestiria because i am and always will be of the opinion that sorey should have been the one to kill cardinal forton and not rose

listen i understand why they made that choice. i understand why they waited to make the drama of sorey's first kill in the final battle with heldalf. i understand that rose is the assassin and it tracks for her to be the one to do the dirty work and it makes sense for her to not want the shepherd to have to do that. i get it. i understand. however. i simply think sorey should have been the one to do it

it's such a turning point in his character arc as he learns that some people can never be saved and sometimes the death of one is what's best for the rest of the world. it's what makes him start to realize that he can't be the hero of every person ever. and that maybe death is better for the individual than living the way they do. and we can see it impact him (briefly). but can you imagine how much more he would have been impacted by it if the blood was on his hands. in the game he grapples with the fact that he wasn't able to save her. but imagine if he also had to grapple with the fact that he was the one who took her life. can you imagine what that would have done for his character

and i mean i would have understood if he was too pussy to do it, like he hesitated and wasn't strong enough to go through with it and rose had to cover his ass before he got himself killed. but like no. he was standing there, knife in hand, winding up for the kill and she just jumped in and did it instead. he was resolute, he knew what he had to do, he was fully prepared he was fully ready to deal the killing blow. and rose stole it from him. listen you can't just show him holding the knife, preparing to stab her, and cut to black and play a gross stabbing sound effect and NOT expect me to go wild imagining what could have happened when the lights came back on.

and okay maybe it's just me being sadistic and wanting to make sorey my punching bag. i do love doing that. but you have to understand where i'm coming from right. how much more interesting his character arc would have been if he'd had to be the one to make that kill. and that whole sequence and what follows just convinces me that the writers were too afraid to hurt sorey too badly. they wouldn't let him kill and his signature tales-protagonist-depression-arc lasts all of two minutes before he's back to cheery and nerdy and optimistic sorey. please. please i'm begging you im on my hands and knees please hurt sorey please cause him emotional damage please let him feel like shit for more than 10 seconds i am pleading with you zestiria writers give me this give me this one thing

#can you tell i'm insane about this.#actually it was this exact moment when i first became mentally unwell about zestiria during my first playthrougg #nothing like missed potential to get the brain absolutely churning with ideas #there's a reason all my mind aus always feature sorey killing cardinal forton. its what should have happened #slams fist on table LET HIM KILL PEOPLE. LET HIM MURDER. LET HIM COMMIT VIOLENT ACTS #LET HIM FEEL GUILTY AND HORRIBLE AND BE IRREPARABLY AFFECTED BY HIS ACTIONS #shaking screaming throwing up pendrago arc. pendrago arc please. please live up to your fullest potential. please don't chicken out on me #i swear to god i watched the cutscene head in my hands begging for there to somehow be a way that i misremembered and he actually does the k #killing. but no. ofc i remembered exactly every detail. because i'm insane about this. as i mentioned #i lose my mind every day thinking about what pendrago arc could have been #wyvern rambles #tales of zestiria #sorey #wyvern's zestyposting #rants

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unknownmads · 6 months

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CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT INMATE TOJI AND CUTE LITTLE Y/N WHOS SO NAIVE TO BIG BAD TOJI

CW: Slight smut (mentions of his pp🤭)

☆☆☆

thinking about Prison toji who you met when your college has you do a little project in your criminal psychology class. The project was make a penpal get to know them ask why they are in prision, what their lives before was like, do they regret what they did etc. basic questions of course all you had to do was get the most information out of the penpal about their personal lives as you could.

Prison Toji who only signed up for the program because it was part of his latest court order saying he ‘needed more understanding’ so a penpal would give him a friend while they stay safe😭 he ofc hated the idea and thought it was the dumbest shit ever. until he got his first letter, from you (duh).

Prison toji who got mail for the first time and it was a little white envelope with a cute little sticker sealing it. He deadpanned *is my penpal an idiot these letters are for a prison not a daycare* he silently judges examining every detail as he opened the letter. i read the letter taking in every little personal detail you shared with him, your cute little name, how you loved your cat, how you’re new to the city only just moving for school, of course the boring questions for him as well. But at the very end of the letter he noticed an extra little note.

Ps. i left a few photos of myself along with some of my cat! i think it’s only fair since i got to see your photo on the website

Prison toji who grabs the envelope he previously had thrown to the side and pulls out 3 polaroids. One of you and probably your cat you’re dragging it into the photo with a big grin on your face. the second is a photo of your face a soft smile on your lips meant for whoever took the photo but Toji couldn’t help but wonder if that little smile was for him. Until he pulls out the third photo it’s a full view of you, you’re out in the city dressed all out, and Toji couldn’t help but know you chose that photo just for him.

Prison Toji who can’t wait to finally get some alone time so he can truly appreciate your pretty photos. And immediately goes to write you back answering all your cute little questions. Telling you where he lived before, how he ended up there, telling you what he did for work before (Surprise he sold drugs😍), telling you what he does to occupy his time here (he works out he just wanted an excuse to tell you how strong he is), and he asks you some questions.

Prison Toji who has been relentlessly flirting with since you started writing to him, asking if you had a boyfriend, how your school was going, why you moved to the city, how a cute lil thing like you is still single. You had been writing each other for a few weeks now which is a lot less than you think when you know how long mail takes. But your letters to each other are long. answering every little thing each other asks, learning about one another more and more. You had really connected so you finally ask him the big question he read the words as clear as day.

~Do you think i could come pay you a visit? ~

Prison Toji who had to immediately write back answering the most important question first.

~ And doll, you can come visit me anytime id love to finally meet you and see your pretty face in person~

he wanted to be nonchalant.

Prison Toji who was sitting in bed looking at your photos when he was called

“Zenin, you’ve got a visitor. away from the door.”

Prison Toji silently followed standing on the other side of the cell while the guard came in to handcuff him and bring him to the visiting area. Once he was in the room his cuffs connecting him to the table he waited. until he heard the door open again. He felt his cock twitch in his pants as he saw the guard guide you in. You were wide eyed taking in the new environment until they landed on him.

Prison Toji was large, you knew he was tall and muscular thanks to his letters and photo but nothing could have prepared you for the real deal. Eyes widening even more when you fully take him in. seated At the grey metal table his hands on the table as the guard had told him to. his hair poking at his eyes which were staring drinking you in. his lip in a smirk helping you notice the scar on it which you couldn’t really see from the grainy prison photos. His shirt stretched against his muscles showing off a few tattoos hidden along his skin. the view making you squeeze your thighs together to release some of the pressure building.

Prison Toji who took in as much of you as he could as he watched you shuffle into your seat across from him, enjoying how you squirmed slightly within his gaze, his smirk growing into an almost full smile.

“hey doll it’s good to finally meet you.”

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