#don't forget I could still see what you posted‚ I know full fucking well what you did on main every damn day

[mortirolo]

god blocking you felt so good and so fucking holy

#I have tried time and again to talk to you #but I have come to realise you are a brick fucking wall #you deflect all accusations‚ you never admit you make mistakes #you are so fucking childish too #resorting to petty personal attacks instead of reflecting on your own behaviour #and holy fucking shit do you need it #I know my flaws‚ and continually try to work on them but I suspect you'll never humble yourself #and you know what? you really are mean spirited. to me‚ to other people‚ to peopl you know... #people* #you're fucking weak #you're unbelievable #ignoring me for weeks on end and then claiming you were thinking? about what? because it sure as fuck wasn't my question 🤭 #don't forget I could still see what you posted‚ I know full fucking well what you did on main every damn day #and today I asked you what you even wanted with me anymore‚ more than once #and yet you couldn't answer that #was it that famous slow thinking on display? or was it you dming me out of the blue with no fucking clue what you were going to say? #it's absolutely the latter #I am so fucking glad I will never have to see or speak to you again #and I do not wish you well

[privitivium]

Big buff bossy gangster just bumping into Subtop M reader one day and suddenly becoming obsessed with them to the point where M reader has no choice but to submit to his advances cause if not well he's dead. Subtop M reader has to admit tho that he loves fucking him especially in risky places cause seeing him trying to keep his voice down satisfies Subtop M reader especially with his tiddies bouncing with each thrust

-⚰️

i absolutely adore your writings :)) and no need to rush alright? i'm willing to wait haha

thank you dear coffin, i adore you......

yes…..….. this is refreshing. 💥💥🌹these are ideas. thoughts…… i might post more of this guy as an actual full-fledged fic where he actually stalks you as i enjoy big breast men 💥💥💥🌹🌹🌹must… must write more to be more… detailed…. uaghugh

amab bossy gangster x amab m reader

pt 2 rambles :3 cw;; dubcon, exhibition, stalker - yandere tendences?

love at first sight… for him at least. a towering muscly dude with visible scars here and there along his “handsome” face with layered platinum blond hair doing his rounds with a couple of lackeys… unintentionally not looking where he was goingㅡ

ㅡ“oh, whoopsie.. you alright, man?” cautious not to put your hands on the other person who accidentally stepped on your foot and took a slight tumble; swallowing thickly, comedically as the man raises to his full height without a word - towering over you with his pecs center to your eyes, some big platinum blond muscleheadㅡ“haha… y-ou … you alright?” you offer your hand, even if he was already standing and most certainly did not need your help -

“fine.” he waves you off, leaving wordlessly but not before giving you a nasty glower. uagh, jeez.. what's that guy's problem? not like you were looking to instigate or something but still… you obviously did not mean to trip him! didnt he see how sympathetic you were just then? some people…

unbeknownst to you, he was fuming. that was how your first official meeting went?! argh!! his companions, his lackeys noting his upset and commenting on the matter ; “what's the matter? you wanna go back n’ pummel that guy, boss?” 

“no, no…” the hulking mass of muscle shakes his head - thin layers of platinum blond hair, waving his hand dismissively while seeming to be in thought - stalling down the walkway and making a swift turn down a narrow alleyway, knuckleheads following close behind. “that's… my lover. my fated one to be, you idiots. how can you not see that?” 

ㅡhe’s delusional, his lackeys realize. but feed into it anyway. in the lair, a rundown two story house where he was answering questions and fiddling with several pictures taken of you just hours later. a quick question of “how can ya’ tell that's yer fated one to be??!” an excited pawn queried. the big boss man going off on an equally excited tangent - a happy explanation about how he doesn't even know. all he knows is that he took one look at your tripping sorry ass and immediately wanted to get down on his knees, uncaring if it was in the middle of a busy sidewalk..

or it could… be the something like, muscly bossy gangster runs into you a few times instead,,, neither of you forgetting one another because for you, it's a big ass intimidating guy who glares at you and nearly makes you piss your pants how can you not forgetㅡand for him - he's literally orchestrating his schedule around yours just to be bumping into you like this. tapping your phone, keeping you tracked through a device or having several of his companions follow you around…

and then, him. finally showing up to your fucking home on a friday night - 11 pm. forcing his way into your apartment and ignoring how terrified you looked and showing you all the pictures he took of you. like aren't you the cutest ? and you… staring at him, teary eyed and sniffling because you obviously cant fight back against this fucking behemoth who you accidentally tripped… this is your day of reckoning isn’t it…. dead if you do, dead if you don't, huh. well. eyeing his fat chest, looking over his stocky build.. this guy's in love with you that badly?! then.. he could never hurt you right…? haha… a spineless creature such as you submitting that easily, you can't help yourself and you cant blame yourself!!!

ㅡ"shh-sh..” he hisses softly, grunting as he fluidly jerks at your hardened prick over your jeans - your back pressed against a wall in a maze of alleyways. of course, its the go-to.. who are you to deny this bossy ass gangster when he wants to be fucked??? asking you so nicely… ( literally pulling you from the eyes of the public wordlessly. who was gonna say anything anyway??? they know of him and his status….) whimpering softly - music to his ears. wishing he could be recording this audio for his own needy purposes of jerking off to your shrine he made… plunging himself on your pre-cum and saliva lathered cock… it was mesmerizing. pulling up his shirt to reveal his abdomen - no complaint from the hulking bossy bitch as you fondle his chest. before he was switching positions and pressing his front into the wall and allowing you to hump into him at a lazy languid pace while groping at his meaty body underneath his tight-fitted shirt. he… has to remind you of who's the one in charge… “keep it down..” he reminds breathlessly, a grin spreading across his face as he pushes his hips back into you ㅡ deliberately clenching his gummy walls around yr meaty, aching dick - 

ㅡ“what's this?” 

“uhh… our conversation?” you squint, glancing between the hulking mass pining you and his hand holding his tiny phone - his hand was just … huge. displaying your messages, where he was the last one to send a message?

he inhales sharply at your obliviousness, huffing in obvious indignation - pushing you harder against the wall without intent. “you left me on seen.” he stresses the last word. did you?? he was nearly snarling like an animal with rabies. “why??” god, this guy is like an insecure girlfriend but 10 times worse. 

“... i got uh.. distractedㅡ” you squirm, avoiding eye contactㅡ

"distracted with what?” he intrudes, leaning inward - you could faintly smell a hint of mint and.. what is thatㅡcinnamon? what's this guy's problem, eating sweets and harrassing you?! and just a quick glance down would tell you everything you need to know. how awkward… do you even tell him or does he know that he's bulging? it throws you off… acting so moody but bricked up??? that's laughable and you can't help yourself. b-but you can't exactly laugh in good humor, hypnotized by the way his squishy pecs bounce up and down with his hole clamping on your cock ㅡ telling you in-between ragged breaths never to ignore him - yes, yes honey never in my life i will do such a thing, mhm..

#* ( ⚰️ ) !!! #yandere gangster?! #x male reader #male reader #top male reader #x top male reader #subtop m reader #yandere oc x reader #yandere male x reader #yandere x male reader #yandere male x male reader #yandere m x m reader #ocs =͟͟͞͞★

[seireiteihellbutterfly]

Lipstick Test

Ft. Nanami Kento

image by @/ shoujo-dreamland

Warnings: MDNI, 18+, cock teasing, oral (male receiving), face fucking, minor cumplay and dacryphilia

Summary: Nanami gets an important lesson about different lip products.

Pairing: Nanami x Fem! Reader

A/N: This was so much fun to write! Based off of a visual description in this post by @actuallysaiyan.

Word Count: 3.2K

Nanami masterlist

Day 1 - Lip Balm

Nanami has long since learned to not question how much makeup you own. It brings you joy, you wear it for your own satisfaction, and it is arranged neatly in the vanity of your shared bedroom. He normally doesn't even give it a second thought. But sometimes when you ask him for an opinion on what looks good, what to keep and throw away, he finds himself slightly exasperated. 

“Sweetheart I don't know. If you like it, keep it. I can’t really tell you.”

“But I hardly ever wear lip gloss. Is it worth it?” 

He glances at the tube you're holding trying to think of a suitable response. “How is it different from the other one you showed me?” 

“Well, it's shiny. The other one is an actual lipstick. Look.” You twist the tube to bring up the lipstick and show off the color. Nanami's eyes flick between the two wondering what he could say without causing friction. 

“Y/n I'm still not sure if I see a difference," he says cautiously. “They look similar.”

“How are they similar? Look at this.” You remove the wand from the lip gloss tube and swatch it on your arm before repeating the action for the lipstick.

“See how different they are? This one only has a little color and a lot of shine. The lipstick is full-bodied color and has less shine.” 

Nanami looks at the streaks on your arm. “Oh yes. I see it now.” 

“How have you been with me this long and don't know the difference?” 

“Men are simple Y/n. We like it when you get dressed up but not enough to know what's going on your face,” he says light-heartedly. 

You sigh. That was the truth. Even Nanami was susceptible to certain characteristics most men had, which included not knowing the difference between lipstick and lip gloss.

A sudden idea comes into your head. 

“Ken?” 

“Hmm?” He asks absentmindedly as he fixes his tie, getting ready to go to work. 

“What if I said I have an idea that would guarantee you remembering which lip product is which?” 

“Oh?” With mild interest, Nanami finishes the knot and raises his eyebrows. “Do tell.” 

You grin wickedly. “Drop your pants.” 

For a moment he wasn't sure he heard you correctly. “Now?” 

You nod, biting your lip at the expression on his face. He checks his watch and sighs. He does need to get going soon but curiosity gets the better of him. 

“Fine. What have you got planned, you little vixen?” You smirk as he undoes his belt and zip, pulling them down with his boxers, and giggle with delight when you see he's partially erect. 

“I'm sure you'll never forget this lesson. So. Lip product one. Chapstick or lip balm.” You pull out a tube of strawberry-scented balm and apply it to your lips before smacking them once. “They usually don't have a lot of color to them. They are great for moisture, especially during the winter. You can wear these under lipstick since they don't change the shade. And they're sometimes scented.”

You grab his cock and kneel in front of him, flattered to hear a soft groan leave his lips and become fully erect. 

“Oh, Kento… nothing is going to happen just yet. You need to learn the differences before that.” You wickedly give a tiny lick over his slit, enjoying the taste of it, before pressing a firm kiss against the pink tip, lingering for a while to ensure your lips had made their mark. Sure enough, when you pull away, there's a barely visible sheen of grease from your actions. 

“Have a great day,” you say teasingly before dancing away into the shower. It takes Nanami a second to realize what happened before he checks his watch again. 

“Shit.” 

He hastily redresses himself and leaves for work. 

It was an uncomfortable morning, to say the least, his mind occupied with thoughts of the withdrawn blow job. He manages to make it till lunch before his thoughts become scattered and he quickly vanishes into the men's room to take care of himself. 

As he unclothes himself, he sees with fascination that the little grease mark you left in the morning is still there. He runs his thumb over it, remembering what you had said about it being scented before bringing it up to his nose, blushing when the smell of strawberries fills his senses. 

He pictures the way your lips looked today morning, no color, smelling like strawberries, and with gritted teeth starts to pump himself, trying to keep his moans to a minimum as he finishes and cums in his hand. 

Day 2 - Lip Gloss

He wakes to the feeling of his cock throbbing, begging for attention. You hadn't relieved him last night, shaking your head at him, stating he wouldn't learn if you just gave him what he wanted. But you were definitely putting a lot of effort into keeping him in a state of frustration. 

Before he left, today you applied a shiny lip gloss with a darker color to it and ran the smoothened surface of your lips over his tip, the lack of friction surprising him as he restrained himself from shoving his hardened length into your mouth. 

“And uh… What is this one called again?” He asks slightly breathlessly as you stop your actions.

“Lip gloss. It's very shiny and goes on very smoothly. Like lube for the lips.” You resume the back-and-forth motions, keeping your mouth shut tight. 

Lube for the lips - How much longer would he have to face your sweet tormenting?

When you're done he can see how glossy his head looks with a tinge of some berry color on it, looking like you'd been sucking on it like a lollipop instead of leisurely brushing against it. 

“Please Y/n…” He pushes forward so pleadingly but you smile and tilt your head ever so slightly so that his cock slides across your cheek instead, hot and throbbing. 

“Two more Kento… trust me I'll make it worth your while.” You stand and help tuck him back into his boxers, ignoring the sigh of longing that leaves his lips. You hated sending him to work like this, unsatisfied, but knew that he'd be thinking of you all day. That made the guilt go away faster. 

Nanami has one of the most unproductive days of his life. He sits at his desk blankly staring at his laptop wondering if some unknown divine being was laughing at his misfortune. 

Day 3 - Bullet Lipstick

Nanami approaches day 3 with trepidation when he sees the tube of lipstick set on the vanity as he steps out of the shower. You smile pleasantly at him like you’re not the reason he’s been sleeping with blue balls for the last 2 nights. 

“So this is a standard lipstick.” You remove the cap and twist the cylinder to show him the siren red shade which he recognizes immediately. This was your date night lipstick. His heart beats a little faster as you start applying it to your lips. He already knows what that color looks like on his cock; you’ve left residue on him before after giving him head and he’s not sure if he has the capacity to go to work with a kiss mark from this particular lipstick on his tip. He hasn’t even stripped down yet but he can feel precum leaking from his slit hidden by the towel on his hips. 

“Are you enjoying yourself?” The question comes out husky and a little desperately as you drag the lipstick over your lips a second time to ensure the color pops vividly. You give an innocent look. 

“I’m just trying to educate my boyfriend about lipstick,” you say nonchalantly, putting the cosmetic away. “Well let’s do it.”

Knowing you were fully aware of the effect this particular lipstick has on him, he resignedly drops the towel, feeling the heat rush to his face as fluid leaked from his tip, cock begging for attention. You coo at him as you take it into your hands. He would get his reward tomorrow. 

“Aww….poor thing…Just one more day, ok? I promise.” You lick away the salty, milky drops gathering at the opening, dipping the tip of your tongue into the crevice making him hiss and thrust his hips needily. His fingers grip your hair, and you untangle them with your free hand. Flicking teasingly against the sensitive slit, you grace him with a tiny slurp as you wrap your lips around the measliest circumference possible, hearing the frustrated grumble that arises in his chest, observing the way his balls hang heavily from his body, full of unrelieved cum. You resist the temptation to play with them. He didn’t need the extra stimulation. You let go and observe the ring of color that’s left behind on the engorged head. 

Nanami’s eyes are glassy at the sight, feeling sensibility wash out of him, replaced with a burning need to stuff your mouth full and face fuck you until he cums, the hot liquid dripping everywhere. He twitches in protest when you let go, the little suction you had provided only provoking him more. You press your pretty lips to the side of the tip again, keeping them there long enough to have the color stain his skin. 

“One more day,” you whisper reassuringly, giving another kiss to the pulsing organ, veins showing up so prominently you wonder how he’s managing to think at all. Before he could say anything, you check the time.

“Gotta get to work! See you later.” You wave your hand, struggling not to laugh at the incredulous look he gives you before racing out the door. He sees the date night lipstick stuck to his dick and tries to calm himself down. Nothing works. He ends up relieving himself at home before going to work, digging up one of your used panties from the hamper, smelling the lingering scent of your pussy as he jerks off. He’s still hard when he finishes and he sees that despite the aggressive abuse he inflicted on himself, the lipstick was still there, the kiss mark only slightly mussed. A dick hickey. This day could not end fast enough.

Day 4 - Liquid Lipstick

“Now liquid lipsticks are amazing because they’re super long-wearing. And once they dry down they don’t smudge or leave stains. Hard to remove. But worth it.”

Nanami is standing naked in front of you, cock at attention, not having bothered to get dressed today until you are done. He keeps his face passive, knowing that your reckoning would come this evening. 

You take the wand from the tube and start applying the lipstick, the fluid becoming tacky as it lacquers your lips. You grasp his cock firmly, pumping slightly, a chuckle escaping your lips as he bucks involuntarily in your hand. 

“Ready for tonight?” You purr, looking up at him mischievously. His face is set in a grimace as he imagines what he has planned for you tonight. You had no idea, you poor innocent lamb. He nods curtly.

With the lipstick still feeling tacky, you press a kiss to his head for a final time and pull away, seeing the liquid matte lipstick start to dry down. To quicken the process, you blow cool air over it and Nanami bites back a grunt at the chill, pearlescent liquid beginning to bead at his tip.

“Maybe we should look into temperature play next time,” you tease, before swiping away the bead with your thumb and licking it clean. Nanami makes no comment, reeling in his tendencies with herculean effort. 

It takes another minute for it to dry down before forming a matte finish, the classic lip image one pictured in their mind. The lipstick was a dark cherry red, almost looking like a partially healed bruise on his delicate skin. You tap gently to ensure It was completely set. 

“Well… Have a good day Kento.” Like the past few days, you push his cock back into his boxers, trying not to smirk at how it tented the fabric. “I'll give you a minute to calm down. And tonight… You'll see how much I appreciate your effort.”

“Mhm,” is all he says as he waits for tonight. 

∘°∘♡∘°∘

You squeezed yourself into the tiny bits of lace and silk in preparation for him coming home that night. You had already brought takeout from his favorite restaurant and waited for him to come home. Of course you'd be giving him head. He deserved it after the impressive display of patience from the last four days. When you hear his footsteps coming near your bedroom, you feel your core moisten in anticipation. 

Upon seeing you, Nanami merely starts to undress, his ideas blooming to life in his mind’s eye.

“Y/n,” he says as he opens the buttons on his shirt. Your eyes follow his hands, feeling like your mouth might start to water at any moment as he exposes his chest, a broad, muscled wall of masculinity. 

“Hmm?”

“So far, you’ve told me about lipsticks that are designed to last. Are there any that give you color but also tend to smudge very easily?” He shrugs out of the shirt and you feel like a lech, staring unashamedly at the abs and pecs that rippled like water flowing down a riverbed. 

You rack your brain, thinking. It was very hard to focus when your incredibly attractive boyfriend was stripping down, staring at you with those wolf-like eyes, threatening to swallow you whole. 

“I think I have one like that…why?”

“Would you mind wearing it now? Please?” He starts unbuckling his belt, his expression almost light and pleasant. You were puzzled at the casual way he asks but thought nothing of it.

“Ah, yeah, sure.” You slide off the bed, knowing the tiny lace thong was probably flashing him enticingly, showcasing your round ass as you walked over the vanity. You find the lipstick in question, a lovely candy pink shade which never lasted longer than an hour when you wore it. Although Nanami’s request mystifies you, you put it on anyway, and walk back to him. 

He was wearing nothing but his boxers, the thick bulge of his erection visible through the fabric. You smile at him and without needing direction, drop to your knees in front of him. As you palm him through his boxers, you look up at him, see the way his eyes grow dark. You pull the waistband down, freeing his cock from its confines. Swollen, you can feel the heat emanating from it and you run your hands, one after the other down the length, squeezing, hearing him inhale sharply before opening your mouth and taking him in.

You lean back slightly to allow more movement for your head, bobbing up and down, enjoying the taste, seeing the way your lipstick streaked along his skin, then pull back, strings of spit forming from your lips to the tip. You take in a breath then squeal as Nanami roughly grabs your hair and shoves himself roughly back in, letting his cock slide all the way into the back of your mouth, tip sitting at the curve of your tongue leading into your throat. Your nose hits his pubes but before you can adjust he yanks again, and he’s pistoning himself in and out of you with aggression.

“Keep those pretty lips open,” he growls as he thrusts relentlessly, ignoring the noises of you trying to catch your breath as he uses you to his liking. His tip enters ever so briefly into your throat and he holds himself for a moment, peering down at you as you look up at him with hazy eyes, at his mercy. With a groan he yanks back, and you inhale deeply, feeling the relief of air for a second before he forces you back on him, teeth gritted as he fucks your mouth. 

“Shit…fuck yes, Y/n good girl…take it all…”

Saliva drips from your aching, open jaws but you do it for him, feeling it slide from the corners of your mouth, falling onto your breasts, your thighs, the floor. He somehow feels bigger right now, his thickness testing your limit, his length almost choking you everytime. Deepthroating him was always a challenge even on your own terms but today you held still and let him use you, spluttering each time he pulled out, before being filled again. 

Nanami watches with satisfaction as the pink lipstick starts to smudge, the color leaving a ring around the perimeter of your lips, some of it dribbling down to form streaks on your chin as the saliva falls. What a sight you were, eyes wide and filled with tears, jaw struggling to remain open and take him, your soft whimpering music to his ears, the vibrations further adding to his arousal. You really thought you had the last word when teasing him with your lip products? Oh you foolish woman. 

He grunts as he feels the heat in his belly, feels his balls starting to tighten, preparing to unload 4 days worth of pent up sexual frustration. Recognizing the signs, you reach out a hand to cup and squeeze him enticingly, drawing a guttural sound of approval as he keeps moving his hips. You flatten your tongue, readying yourself to swallow…and he stops. He doesn’t pull out but pulls your head back by the hair so that you’re looking directly into his eyes.

“Do not swallow,” he says in a raspy voice, a feral snarl of instruction. Your eyes widen at his words. He stares you down, making sure you heard him.

“Nod if you understand.”

Mouth full, you nod gingerly.

“Good girl.” He thrusts in suddenly, taking you by surprise as you try to use the remaining brain cells available to you to remember his command. His grunts become pleasurable moans.

“Fuck I’m close…remember…don’t swallow…want to see you messy…” he gasps in between thrusts. 

As his orgasm hits, thick spurts of milky cum coat your mouth, and he doesn’t remove his cock, leaving it inside as he empties his balls. The liquid drips out steadily, and he watches with satisfaction as some of it starts to stain pink and it slides down your chin and throat, lipstick smearing everywhere.

“Don’t swallow,” he repeats. “And mouth open.” He eases out of you and you feel all his cum pool into your lower jaw, flowing under your tongue and plummeting out of your opened lips. Namami’s thumbs rest at the corners of your mouth, and he swipes at the cum trickling out of your opened lips, relishing the way it turns pink as he mixes it with the lipstick, before brushing the mixture upwards, drawing the color onto your cheeks. 

“I think I understand now.” He takes more dripping, colored, cum and slides it down the sides of your throat. “Long wearing color really does matter.” He continues to caress your face, spreading his seed all over you, enjoying the look in your eyes.

You whimper at the ache in your jaw and he smirks at you. “You may swallow now.”

With relief, you close your mouth and down every last drop, tongue darting out to clean up anything left on your lips. Candy pink is the only thing visible on your face. 

“Next time, wear a matte lipstick. I want to see if it really doesn’t transfer.”

Next time?!

All banners by @/ cafe kitsune

@daswanj , @buttercupbitches, @byul9158 , @mirrors-musings, @jadedjane, ,@estarlias, @connorsui @starsinmylatte @harlekin6 @hunnie-lily

#nanami kento #nanami kento x reader #nanami kento x y/n #nanami kento x you #nanami kento fluff #nanami kento smut #nanami smut #jjk nanami #nanami x reader #kento nanami x reader #kento nanami x you #nanami x you #nanami my beloved #nanami x reader smut #nanami fluff #nanamin #jujutsu nanami #jujutusu kaisen #jjk #vee writes

[sam-the-pancake]

I wasn't gonna make a post about this anymore because it resolved, but I still want to talk about it. My writing style is long and rambly so TL;DR at the bottom.

Yesterday was the first day of the college course I'm taking (I'm getting my master's in Special Education if anyone's interested). It's a class from 5pm until 8pm, and most days it's after a full day of work for me, so I've elected to mainly use my wheelchair. But since I'm ambulatory I decided to bring my cane in case I needed the bathroom or something so I don't have to struggle with the doors. This classroom of course didn't have a desk without a chair attached so as we sat in a circle I put my bag on the desk behind me and rested my cane against it.

Anyone who uses a cane knows that they fall over. A lot. I kept telling both the professor and the students next to me to please just leave it on the floor when it falls over but of course they didn't listen. They had to "help" the poor cripple. Well class ends and I grab my bag and head home. When I get to my house I realize that I don't have my cane with me to help me down the stairs to my apartment. It wasn't with my bag when I left class so I forgot it. I tell my partner that I'm going back to campus to get the cane I forgot. This is my only cane. I use it any time I leave the house. Even if I'm planning on using my wheelchair when I get somewhere I like to have the cane in the car.

In the 20min it took me to drive home and back the cane is gone. I look all over the first floor of the building without an aid since I expected it to be quick. I sit down and email the professor and campus lost and found before making my way back to the car.

AN HOUR LATER, an hour and a half after the class has ended, I get an response email from the professor and a girl from the class. The girl saw that I forgot it (I still don't know where it had been) and took it hoping to see me before I left. She probably felt like she was doing her good deed for the day. Except I have a medical exception letting me park in the teacher parking lot right outside the building, and she probably brought it to the student parking across campus in the other direction. And then when she didn't find me she didn't reach out!

If she had wanted to be helpful she should have stayed in the classroom with it, or gone back to class when she couldn't find me, and sent me an email. I know that to ableds it's just a stick, but a month ago that was my only mobility aid. I have not left the house without it for 2 years. I'm not leaving the house until I get it back. I'm in pain today because I walked around for 10min without it. She waited for me to reach out about it to let me know she had my mobility aid. And I know she waited because she told the professor she had it. If she had wanted my email she could have asked the professor for it or for my full name to look it up in the directory.

In her email she said "I was really worried someone would take it." Guess what! YOU took it! Again, I understand that it wasn't her intention, but it's the reality of what happened. She removed it from the room and didn't reach out to tell me where it was (neither did the Prof!).

Non-mobility aid users don't touch our aids! Don't move our aids! DONT FUCKING TAKE THEM HOME WITH YOU! This wouldn't have been a problem if during class people would have respected me and left it on the floor with my stuff like I said to.

TL;DR: My cane was falling over in class and the people kept touching it and eventually must have moved it. This caused me to forget it when I left in my wheelchair. Some girl from class took it home with her "so no one would take it" so it wasn't there when I returned. She didn't reach out to me so I didn't know where it was. Prof let her know I emailed asking about it. She's bringing it back to me today, but I can't comfortably leave the house until I get it back because I'm in pain from looking for it without an aid. ABLEDS RESPECT MOBILITY AID USERS BOUNDARIES AND DONT MOVE OUR AIDS OR TAKE THEM FUCKING HOME CHALLENGE

#host #disabled #cripple punk #cripplepunk #disability #cane user #ambulatory wheelchair user #wheelchair user #ok to rb #if you dont use a mobility aid dont add on

[creedslove]

BETRAYED - PART FOUR

Pedro Pascal x f!reader

Summary: Pedro invites you to be his plus one for the night but his attention is caught by another woman and leaves you with a broken heart

Warnings: angst, age gap, established friendship, unrequited love/one sided feelings, Pedro being a dick but also a tiny little bit of fluff

A/N: I'm so sorry but I can't manually tag anyone on the post, the app won't just let me do it!

ALSO, I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE TO GO FROM HERE, SO IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS OR SUGGESTIONS LET ME KNOW! 💖

1.3k words

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE

"What the fuck are you doing here, Pedro?!" You asked shocked, noticing your voice came out squeaky at the nervousness of the situation. In all the time you've known each other not once he came to your place unannounced and let alone broke into. You honestly had no idea what was that shit about but you didn't like it a bit. It felt so invasive, so creepy, that's definitely something you never expected from Pedro.

The man, on the other hand just scoffed and shook his head, looking at you with angry eyes

"I was just waiting for you, as you don't bother answering my calls nor my texts, I figured I could come and see if you were still alive, which I can see you are, alive and well, by the way, especially after the little date with your new friend. His name is Liev, right? Did you bat your eyes at him and giggled at every single thing he said just like you used to with me?" He got up and walked towards you, staring hardly into your eyes.

"So, you couldn't simply give me a heads-up you weren't coming to my house the other day? You're just too busy to even remember I exist, Y/N? But not to Liev, right? For him you have all the time in the world, what a fucking great friend you are, Y/N!" He said angrily.

You couldn't believe your ears, he had the nerve to come to your place and accuse you of being a bad friend? You clenched your jaw and you could swear if you had the guts you could punch Pedro right there.

You also took a step closer, showing you were not at all intimidated by his scene.

"A bad friend? Are you really calling me a bad friend? You gotta be kidding me, honestly, I can't believe your nerve to say that, if anything you're the bad friend here, you treat me as nothing but a cute pet, someone you like to have around and stroke your ego, but whenever you find something better, you forget I exist"

He scoffed and rolled his eyes

"Is this about the party again? Honestly Y/N what were you expecting? That I would stop my life for you? Just because you have a crush on me?! Please, grow up! You're not a little girl anymore, maybe it's time for you to find a man so you won't bother me anymore?" Pedro raised his voice but immediately regretted what he'd said. He saw how your eyes filled with tears, the disappointment was written all over your face. You swallowed and shook your head "I'm not talking about my feelings for you, I am talking about how bad of a friend you are, how cruel of you was to hump another woman in front of me, ditch me so you could go and fuck her, you left me there, as if I didn't matter, as if you barely knew me!!" You shouted angrily and looked down, drying your tears so he wouldn't see them.

"You're telling me to grow up? How about you fucking grow up? It's about time a man your age, get over this stupid commitment issue you got. For god's sake Pedro, you are nearly 50 years old, no wife, no kids, all your relationships won't last more than a year and you really think the problem is me? You are the fucking problem!" You shouted, not caring if his brown eyed that were often so full of joy were now sparkly with tears.

"I-.. Do you really think that of me, Y/N?" He asked in a low voice,

"I do" you said coldly. Pedro, on the other hand, felt so horrible about everything that happened and above all, about himself. He never believed he would be able to handle a relationship but the assumption you didn't have faith in him shattered his heart, you always saw the good in him, you believed him and supported him when things were so hard he felt like giving things up and now, he had ruined everything, just like he did with everything in his life that wasn't his career. He had given up a chance to be happy, to have his own family, and now he had lost you, he was sure.

You walked to the front door and held it open for him "I'd like you to leave now, you were not invited and I don't want your company, Pedro" . You watched him walk away in silence, turning around and giving you one last glance, blinking his tears and exiting your life.

•••

For the next months the only news you got from Pedro were through reels and headlines that insisted on appearing every time you logged in social media. You'd read somewhere he was shooting another movie in some country you didn't pay attention to, so that assured you you wouldn't risk running into him anywhere you used to go together. You hadn't talked since the day at your house, and you weren't sure if you wanted to talk to him at all, of course it was hard and so many times you had to remind yourself there was no one to send funny pictures you knew he would like, or talk about your interests or even hang out. You felt empty, emptier than you ever did after any romantic relationship you'd ever had. Your friendship with Pedro was intense and even if he didn't like you back, it was a love story, at least on your side of the picture.

Sometimes you wanted to check on him, see if he was doing alright, but you didn't have the guts, you both had hurt each other so bad, and after all, he did tell you to find a man so you'd leave him alone. You always thought of that when you typed a 'Hello' on your conversation, before erasing things up.

He was still the internet's sweetheart and each time a new picture or interview came out, he always seemed happy and excited so you wondered if he missed you at all.

You dropped your phone as you walked into the toy store, you'd been invited for your friend's toddler's birthday party. You'd met Kate through Pedro, he was friends with her husband, but the two of you hit off and you spent a lot of time together and now her sweet little princess Flora was turning three and you were looking forward to spending a cozy afternoon surrounded by happy children and your friend.

You picked the prettiest doll you could find at the store and rushed to Kate's house as you were almost running late.

When you knocked on the door Flora ran as fast as her little legs allowed her to almost bumping into her mommy who opened the door, welcoming you with a nervous smile. You could tell she wanted to say something, but Flora hugged your legs and as soon as you lowered yourself she wrapped her arms around your neck and snuggled you tight.

"Y/N!!!!!!" She squealed happily and her eyes immediately fell onto the beautiful and colorful gift you had in hands, she paid attention to nothing else but the big package and she felt pure happiness and excitement as she opened it and saw the gorgeous doll. Flora clung to you again and giggled

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you Y/N!!" She said overly excited and ran off to play with her new favorite toy.

Kate was distracted for a moment at how glad her daughter was and how cute the two of them were, however, her expression darkened and before you could even greet the other guests, she pulled you to the kitchen, where you two were alone.

"Y/N, before you get into the party, I must warn you… Pedro is here"

-----

A/N: Hi guys, I really hope you have enjoyed this chapter, it was a sad one, I gotta admit and I guess you all got the revenge you wanted on Pedro, he got a taste of his own medicine and it was not good at all! I gotta confess I'm beginning to pity him 🤦‍♀️ and as I said before, I still don't have a lot of ideas for chapter five, so if you guys have anything in mind and want to suggest, let me know! 💖

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal headcanon #pedro pascal headcanons #pedro pascal angst #male actor #male actors #hot actors

[lovvecherrymotion]

okay very brief munich gig report (mostly under the cut) i probably am forgetting 90% of stuff but let's goooo:

i got EE and i was there by 10 am? i was number 39 and i was pretty okay with this. i did end up getting a really good spot anyway

munich queue 💜💜 i mean, i've already made a post about meeting all of you, but it was truly lovely. i got so many gifts and bracelets! this fandom is full of talented, kind people

the soundcheck was ngvot (every single time i've been to a show i've heard ngvot at some point lol) and vem da greš, both of which i really enjoyed

I GOT TO GIVE NACE MY GIFTS!! like i don't even think he heard what i said BUT THEY'RE WITH THEM. FINALLY. i can be at peace now lol

i really enjoyed both Sector 5 and JC Stewart! they were both pretty good openers! i hadn't heard any of their music before, but i still had fun

WE STARTED WITH KATRINA WHICH I WAS SUPER HAPPY ABOUT

AND I GOT BELE SANJEEEEEE. and bojan said we nailed it the first time which had me like "duh, ofc, i'm here????" I WOULD NEVER FUCK UP MY BELOVED BELE SANJE

we got both Šta bih ja & Schlager. i really really really wanted Bluza so hopefully in london 🤞 i enjoy Schlager more that i've listened to it live lol (and jance were very cute during this song)

on the topic of jance, everyone was mentioning the nacekris was strong last night but as someone who was right in front of jance and barely got to see the others honestly it was kinda hard for me lmao i didn't get those vibes at all. i was so shocked opening tumblr hahahaha. jance were super sweet and smiley and 🥺💕 a solid 95% of what i captured was them and i can assure you they were both very soft and happy

no pijano :((( but he did help bojan at the start of EW and it was very sweet, i love them so much

bojan spit on me. better said, he spit on jan but i was, well, right in front of him, so i got it too lmfao

during the UM bojan was also right in front of me because a little girl got to sing with him (and even went on stage!!!!) and then a super sweet 15yo girl who had her birthday yesterday also got to sing UM - i was next to both of them so i saw bojan VERY WELL. he didn't actually go into the crowd this time

during novi val i made a finger heart at nace AND HE SMILED AND DID ONE BACK AT ME. i know it was for me because everyone got the half hearts lmfao (and then @flananjan told me you could see the heart in a story they posted on their insta and i almost died on the subway back to the hotel)

at some point (i can't remember before which song but i'll probably figure it out when i look at the photos) i put my portuguese flag on stage and jan picked it up 🥺🥺 he then asked me in the softest fucking voice "Portugal?" and i was able to say two entire words to him "yes, Portugal" AND I DIDN'T EVEN DIE ON THE SPOT. he then placed it down and like idk i just!!!! jan knows i exist and i'm portuguese BYE

and when i thought the night just couldn't... well, get any better, JAN GAVE ME HIS PICK. his hand was warm and like way softer than i expected??? this is now my most prized possession. i literally CANNOT believe jan peteh himself gave this to me

the boys didn't come out at the end because they were tired, apparently??? but i was still very happy about all of this. i'm now way less stressed for london (because i won't be carrying around a bag full of stuff for them omgggg) and manifesting i get to meet them then 🙏

munich, thank you for having me 💜💜💜 i can't wait to come back

#there's probably a lot of stuff i'm just straight up forgetting but i'm sure other people will remember #also i slept 3 or 4 hours forgive me if this is incoherent #see you soon tour #joker out

[beatrixstonehill2]

Soooo this rich photographer flew me out to his waterfront penthouse overlooking the city..... You know, he did what photographers do and filmed me, took pics, got me nice and drunk. He showed me his place, mind you he's in a fancy suit and I'm in this bikini, my cock is basically falling out of it and I'm rock hard the whole time I'm there. He shows me this gorgeous portfolio of other trans girls he's worked with, mostly videos on his computer, and oh my god..... I started fondling my cock as he kept showing me some of the prettiest girls I've ever seen, huge breasts, curvy asses, perfect smile, juicy cocks.... But every video ended with a shirtless man. I didn't get it and he told me not to worry, so I kept playing with my cock, sipping my wine as he showed me more.....

The videos always ended the same. Some handsome guy flexing his muscles, looking really hot tbh, most of them had beards or well-groomed facial hair, none were shaven. They all exuded the kind of masculinity I find super hot, def the kind of guys I love my plump ass to be fucked by. The photographer finally turned to me and told me the men were all the very same people as the sexy girls he showed me. He had a really big kink for convincing trans girls to detrans. I was floored, but kept jerking my cock..... He saw this and smiled. He told me he'd happily pay me 100K to detransition. I jerked super fast and nutted, drooling like a good little whore, eyes rolling back......

"100K? You want to see me become a boy that badly???" I panted, jerking my flaccid cock as it drooled more cum, soon getting erect again.....

"Just look at you, already a machine. Imagine what that cock could do on testosterone. I'd love to see you give up becoming a girl for good. Embrace being a guy, which is what you really are, princess.

I bit my lip, my cock responding so well to his words, nice and full again. "Please..... I like being a girl but I mean.... You really really wanna see me detrans, I can tell!"

"I do. I want to see you get muscular, pumped full of so much T and steroids nobody would ever know you were living as such a pretty girl, or at least a decent imitation, not that you pass, darling. You're hot but that cock is a dead give away, and you still look like a boy, but you already knew that, didn't you?" He stroked my chin.

I nodded softly. "I don't pass at all, do I?"

"Not in the slightest, you poor misguided fakegirl. I'm surprised anyone even thinks to gender you correctly. It definitely doesn't help that you're so proud of your cock and flaunt it all over social media, walking around in dresses with a full erection. You can just see people roll their eyes forcing themselves to call you a girl to be nice. But like I said, your face is still very masculine, totally a dead give away. Are you sure you aren't already growing facial hair? I swear I see a shadow."

I was blushing so hard, fully erect and jerking super hard again. "I mean, estrogen only helps so much, I started transitioning at fourteen! But by then..... and sometimes I forget to take my hormones and, ummmmm...... soooo, this is how deep my voice actually is." I used my real voice, sounding pretty much like a guy.

"Wow, I mean you still sounded like a boy pretending to be a girl before but I had no idea you basically already went through male puberty..... that explains why your cock is so huge. You you're pretty much not even a trans girl, you're a femboy with implants?"

I nodded, cumming again, shooting rope after rope. "Mmmmm, maybe? Sorry I don't pass very well..... I hope you still find me sexy...."

"Oh, all the sexier, in fact I'm going to take that fat ass of yours for a nice ride in a moment..... just after I give you your first official T-shot, so let's celebrate you no longer pretending to be a girl. From now on you'll be a good boy and masculinize yourself as much as possible, OK?"

"Yes..... sir..... anything else before you have your way with me?"

"I want you to post a video of yourself to your Instagram, talking in your real voice, that you're detransitioning and getting your DD implants yanked out next week."

"OK..... whatever you like. ❤️ I need to give up playing pretend..... thank you for helping me!"

"It's my pleasure, helping boys like you is my greatest passion."

Needless to say..... I won't be looking back, and I have a few more fakegirl friends I think I'll send his way....

#detrans kink #mtf detrans kink #mtftm kink #misgender kink

[emerald-star-productions]

My Thoughts on James Somerton [RANT]

Before I begin this post, I highly recommend watching Hbomberguy's new video about Plagiarism. It's the main reason I'm discussing James right now & it provides a more detailed breakdown of what he did.

So for those of you unaware, Queer YouTuber James Somerton has recently been revealed to be a full on plagiarist, having done so for SEVERAL of his videos and isn't exactly the nicest to other queer creatives in the same video essay field as him. Got it? Good. Again, watch the vid.

Upon watching the video and learning about what James did, I was in such shock. My eyes widened. I had begun to see other essayists I follow "feel vindicated" about him being called out. Unbeknownst to me, it's the second part of the video where he's called out.

Having finished the video, I'm not angry. No, I'm PISSED. When one of my best/trusted friends recommended James' videos to me back in 2021, I was immediately hooked. I was inspired by him to further my own craft as a queer video essayist at the time.

To now learn that James is nothing more than a plagiarist who steals other people's content and doesn't even have an original thought to begin with? I'm hurt by this. In my rant video about queer rep, I referenced & linked one of his videos.

I can't even look at this video anymore. I don't even make essays anymore but I can't even look at one of my favorite essays in good faith anymore cuz the man I referenced may have plagiarized in said video I referenced. Do you have any idea how angry I am about this??

In a time where it's getting harder to be openly queer and to not feel scared by literally everything around me, James was that light in darkness that gave me hope. A queer creator who seem to be well-spoken and knew his shit. Come to find out that was never the case. I feel betrayed. He was the sole reason I kept making video essays in 2022. I almost stopped after The Glass Scientist vid but kept going cuz his vids inspired me to keep pushing to be a better creator. I donated money to his fucking production company. I was even one of his patrons for a short period of time. I left the patreon after he got into two different conflicts that pushed me away for the second half of 2022. He made some...not so great comments about Beyonce and her place as a queer icon.

And then he made a whole stink about not being a creator on Nebula. These two reasons, among other minor things, are what pushed me away from James for a good 6-8 months. I only returned to his content literally last month. Last. Fucking. Month. I thought maybe, just maybe, I could give him one more chance. His video on Red, White & Royal Blue was great...and then we get to Hbomber's vid...where apparently he plagiarized in that one too. I was suffering from second-hand embarrassment as Hbomber clocked everything James plagiarized and all of them happen to be videos I watched or took a look at. I felt cheated, betrayed and hurt. Cuz I thought James, at the very least, came up with his own shit. And as someone who works very fucking hard to write/rewrite their own works to near perfection & and takes writing very seriously, I was pissed off. I'm still pissed off now. I got sleep but struggled to stay awake cuz this was weighing on my brain. To now know that James is nothing more than thief who can't write his own shit, I'm disappointed. I pointed to him as one of my inspirations to push for more queer rep. No, he's not the reason I made Roomies...thank fuck for that. He didn't taint my one good thing. On the topic of Roomies, which has a lot of queer POC, I now question if he actually gave a fuck about other queer poc that didn't benefit him for a video. Cuz if we're gonna keep it a buck, most of his queer analysis has been mostly about yt folks. And let's not forget how this man regularly shat on women, both queer & straight. I know there's a discussion to be had about gay men being fetishized, but looking at it now, his views on women in general seem to be very...narrow-minded.

To wrap this up, I no longer support nor stand by James Somerton. Easy thing to do since I barely got back into his shit last month. To say I'm disappointed in you is a fucking understatement. No amount of apologizing is gonna fix this shit.

Good riddance.

#james somerton #hbomberguy #need to vent #queer #bi artist #queer artist #Youtube

[bewitched-bee]

Feral- Ifrit Ghoul x Reader

A/N: There are some brief mentions of blood and fear in this. There is also some suggestive content but nothing too over the top. This is also posted on my Ao3 “bewitched_bee”!

Ifrit and I were walking in the woods surrounding the abbey. He grabs my hand before he pulls me in for a kiss. "What was that for" I ask after pulling away. "Just wanted to kiss you" he replies. I look up at the sky as we continue walking and I see the moon is coming out.

Shit tonight was supposed to be a full moon. Ghouls and full moons don't pair well together it brings out their feral sides. "Ifrit I think we should head back it's starting to get dark" I say. "The dark never hurt anyone" he says smiling at me before he looks down to the ground. I notice he seems to gravitate toward some sort of flower.

It looked familiar but I couldn't place what it was exactly. I watch as he sniffs the flower, he sneezes immediately after. I continue looking at the flower when it finally hits me, that was one of those sex pollen flowers the ministry said makes the ghouls go sex crazy. "Ifrit I think I'm gonna head back" I say as I slowly walk backwards.

I knew better than to turn and run that would definitely rile him up. He steps over to me and wraps his arms around me, "where are you going love" he asks with a smirk. Fuck, between the flower and the full moon there was no way his ghoul instincts weren't starting to take over now.

It's not like I didn't want the sex I just definitely didn't want it outside. Ifrit knew how I felt about that kind of stuff surely at least that would be clear in his mind before things got too far. His grip on me tightens before he lets me go. "Love, I need you to fucking run" he says as he has a moment of clarity. With that being said I take off back toward the minsitry.

I'm going as fast as I can but I can hear he's right behind me. "You know I can easily catch you....you might wanna give up I might show you mercy if you stop now" he says. I continue running hopefully I wouldn't trip and fall or something. "Run you frail human....you know how much i love a good chase" he says.

He sounded a lot closer to me than he was before. I somehow manage to run into the building and head for the ghoul’s den. If I could at least get him in there I would feel comfortable. Sure any ghoul or ghoulette could walk in on us but it wouldn't be anything they hadn't seen before.

I make it to the couch in the ghoul den and I stop to catch my breath. My lungs burned and my legs hurt, I couldn't run anymore. I feel myself get tackled onto the couch, Ifrit hovers above me. I can feel his arousal poking me, he was more than ready.

"Caught you" he says placing a hand around my throat. He gives a gentle squeeze and my eyes roll back at the pleasure. He lets me go just as soon as he applied pressure it seems. "We should move this to your room or even the bathroom" I say. I notice his eyes darken, I had never seen them this dark. something was off, I didn't quite know how to feel.

"But where's the fun in that I've got you right here already" he says. Even his tone sounded different, I felt my heart start pounding. Maybe the full moon and the sex pollen weren't a good combination. He seemed too feral, normally he would've gladly moved things wherever I wanted to go.

I couldn't shake the feeling that this is how I die, by my lover turning completely feral and losing what little humanity he already had. He grabs my hips and seems to forget his supernatural strength. "Ow Ifrit too tight" I say as I feel his claws dig into me. He doesn't let up, now the fear really kicks in.

"Ifrit let me go" I say, my voice shakes as I say it. I notice him sniff the air and he immediately releases his hold on me. "I'm so sorry I don't know what's came over me" he says getting off of me. I let out a shaky sigh of relief, the ghoul I fell for was still in there. "I need to go" he says as he gets up and goes toward his room.

I don't follow I know it's best if I don't. I sit up and notice my hands are shaky. Had he really scared me that bad? I stand up and pull my pants down a bit before I go over to the mirror in the room. There were multiple bleeding prick marks on both of my hips. I look up as I see Rain enter the room.

"What happened to you...you're shaking and you're bleeding and you have the smell of fear all over you" he says coming over to me. "It’s a full moon, and Ifrit got into some sex pollen and went too feral.” Rain pulls me in for a hug, "it's okay you're safe" he says.

I take a few deep breaths before I say "I thought everything was fine then after he chased me back here I saw how off things were....I thought I was going to die he wasn't himself at all" I say. "I know us ghouls can get really feral but you're mated to him....the chances of him killing you even if he does go completely feral are still extremely low" Rain says.

"I know but the panic just took over me.....I just feel so bad I just wanted to help him but after he wouldn't let me go at first I let the fear take over" I say. "And he smelled the fear and came back to his senses right" Rain asks. "Yeah then he ran off to his room and I just feel awful I should've just pushed the fear away."

"No you did the right thing, it made you more comfortable to stop things" Rain says. "I've been with him through countless ruts and even ruts during full moons but never anything this bad" I say. "The sex pollen always makes everything worse....how'd he get into some anyway?"

"We were out in the woods and he found a flower and just basically gravitated towards it...I realized what it was after he already sniffed it though." "Ah....well everything is okay by morning he'll be his normal self again" Rain says. "Yeah....hey can you help me clean and patch up these marks" I ask.

"Yeah of course" Rain says as we both go into the bathroom. Once we finish cleaning the marks and patching them up I go back to the couch. "Do you want my bed....or we could share it" Rain says. "I appreciate the offer rain but I should stay here i've slept on the couch before" I say.

"Hold on" he says as he turns to go to his room. A few seconds later he comes back with a pillow and blanket for me. "Thank you Rain" I say as I take them from him. "You're welcome...good night" he says. "Good night" I reply as he goes back to his room. I place the pillow on the couch before I lay down and cover up. I end drifting off to sleep eventually.

*The next morning*

I wake up and immediately feel the pain from the marks on my hips. I raise up and feel tears prick my eyes from how much my hips hurt. "I hurt you" I hear Ifrit say, I didn't even realize he was in the room. "Baby look at me.....you didn't mean to" I say going over to him. "How bad is it" he asks, I pull down my pants slightly and remove the bandages.

He kneels down and gently runs his fingers over the marks. "I am so sorry" he says as he wraps his arms around my legs and leans over against me. I place my hand in his hair and play with it a bit. "It's okay I already said you didn't mean to." "But it shouldn't have happened" he says before he lets go of me and stands up.

"Babe it's alright you came to your senses....the marks will heal" I say. "I'm a monster....I hurt you......that's the one thing I've never wanted to do" he says as he tears up. I feel my heart break, I felt so bad that he felt like he was a monster. "you're not a monster....a monster wouldn't feel bad for what they did....look at me" I say.

He looks at me and I grab his hand. "Yeah you went a little too feral but the moment you smelled my fear you snapped out of it.....a monster wouldn't have done that they would've kept going" I say. "I heard that I scared you so bad you were shaking when I left" he says.

"I was but it was just from how badly I panic at stuff....you know if I get panicked by anything I get shaky.” "You know I can never apologize enough" he says. "Ifrit just stop please everything is fine alright" I say. He nods before he pulls me in for a kiss. After he pulls away he nuzzles against me. "There's my ghoul" I say making his tail swish happily behind him.

"Now we're good, what happened last night is in the past alright" I question. "Alright yeah in the past" he says before he pecks my lips. "Now let's go cuddle" i say, he picks me up carefully and carries me to his room.

#ifrit ghoul x reader #ifrit ghoul #rain ghoul #slight angst #ghost fanfic #ghost x reader #the band ghost x reader

[sunnydice]

um. cschlatt finds out shes transfem post revival. is this anything.

AUGH IT'S EVERYTHING it'suwgwudgdhgh. hold on let me explain.

i think the cschlatt transfem throughline is, again, soso easy to read theres sm to dig into and chew on. i'm genuinely bewildered it's not smthng ppl hve picked up on more because it seems so v clear to me.

guy refuses to accept help bcs he sees it as weakness makes it v clear his narrative lesson is -> he should allow himself support and compassion w/o recoiling, because he's allowed to want it and need it, w/o masking it in disgust or irony.

on that point, guy refuses to see himself as disabled despite having very very blatent disabilities that leave him in horror of himself -> a panicked assertion of power to take back "control". ok ,what is he in "control" of, what can he wield, what can he have a narrative over.

guy likes being called a pretty princess and wears dresses "as a joke", using that same irony coated sheen he uses w a Lot of the things he's afraid of being more earnest in, like his care for other people or his wants. he likes being wined and dined and cooed at, and then reacts to "feminine" things, the possibility of being "not a man", in the same wild rejection as the other two, the rejection of the body. a real man doesn't care if he's betrayed, that's why he takes it so personally. a real man doesn't care abt sm partner, who needs 'em, and thats why the bow shot becomes a canon death that he feels personally heartbroken abt. a real man isn't scared and panicked and a real man isn't disabled and isn't needy. and he definitely isn't afraid. and he doesn't like the dresses. -> well. yknow how it is.

even the gym...we don't know his limbo specifically but i think it's pretty easy to infer that the gym is at least partially a manifestation of it? ghosts are confirmed to be able to be tied to locations, like mexican dream w el rapids. and in his, he has that "control", surrounded by that ideal figure, here he's powerful and on top and sooooo intouchable. the mask worked. and it doesn't actually because it still doesn't match up w how he acts. a "real man" doesn't need anything, doesn't care about anything, and glatt is still still still so deeply needy and clingy and longing for connection, and still tries to mask it w things like "spanish lessons" and "horror mansions" tht end up just being an excuse to throw little parties in. uuwgh. who even ca(blows up 320 walls with my mind)

additionally ppl forget that limbo is supposed t like..not actually be hell lmao? it's torturous for sure but it isn't like. supposed to represent their worse nightmare? it's supposed to, i think, represent a state of being unable to move on. the train that won't ever pick you up. a existence of blankness where you can't feel a thing except waiting for the other shoe to drop. a gym full of idols that you will never be able to "live up to".

bcs of that schlatt is bigender (✌️) to me specifically...cuz he clearly likes Parts of masculinity. the little conman shtick, the big guy-isms. it's smthing he enjoys, but he's v clearly fearful and panicked abt the "Ideal Masculine Figure™️", the mythologized toxic version in his quest for control. the conman thing is fun and easy, and the freaked out assertion of "i'm a man, i'm not weak or scared, i'm not like them." is smthng else entirely.

(and again the symbolism WHATT the fuck was going on in the writer's room. the gym is handled like a trap that he can't get out of by himself, and being in the sun, being visible is tangibly equivalent to being burned. Fucking Excuse Me? Answer My Emails.)

anyways this is very brief and i could talk abt this for 53 years and counting but the thesis statement is estrogen and anti psychotics could've saved her 👍and she does eventually get revived and accepts it abt herself and he's so happy and loved. forever and ever. happy tgirl cschlatt tuesday‼️

#(guy who's insane) i'm not insane. neither are you. #n shout out to my beloved lyric fr helping me draw this up she's the ceo of this topic fr sure!! hope i could do it justice at all mwahmwa! #huri.txt #askatraz #cxyotl #c!schlatt

[jovalencia]

okay the conversation before I forget it.

we talked for two and a half hours and we walked three full laps around campus and for the first 3/4 of a lap we were just talking about our classes and what we've been up to and whatever the fuck. I mentioned something about my stomach hurting and not feeling super great and he was like "well it's probably your poor diet" then went on about how I shouldn't just eat the same three things and how I need a balanced diet and how I should "just eat more" and that I was malnourished and told me what I should have at each meal like. FUCK you like actually go to hell. when you Know I've had a lot of stomach problems and eating problems? go fuck yourself.

but that was a graceful lead in to me being like "yeah well my stomach also hurts because I was super nervous to talk to you" and he was like "oh?" and I was like "yeah did you really think we were gonna be able to just move on like none of this happened?" and he was like "no I guess not...." so I busted out my checklist of points to cover (yes I physically had the checklist pulled up for this conversation. sue me I had things to say) and each individual grievance are things I've posted about before so I don't need to rehash them all to you. but I will tell you his responses. because it was like 95% me talking I will admit. I led with the big thing I wanted to ask him, which was if he wanted to actually be friends with Me or if he wanted to stay my friend because he was holding onto some hope that I would become a better person that was easier for him to like and get along with. and naturally he didn't actually have an answer to this question. and when I asked if he didn't want to be my friend bc I was mean and it made him uncomfortable or because he wanted to change the way our friend group spent time together, he said that me being mean led to him wanting to change how we spent time together and the group dynamic which like. doesn't make much sense but whatever I didn't push.

I explained that I had resigned myself to no longer being his friend after he never replied to my apology text and that I was okay with that. he seemed like he was hurt by that but who's the one who didn't reply to my text. and that if we never talked again I would have been more upset I never got closure than upset that we weren't friends anymore. so I asked him if he even wanted to continue being my friend and he was like "I don't know..." so I did have to be the one to be like "we're both trying our best to be the best versions of ourselves and this friendship isn't working out, so i don’t really see how this could continue" and he asked me straight up if I wanted to be his friend still and I said no. I was Really proud of myself for getting up the nerve and just saying I didn't want to be his friend anymore. because my biggest fear coming into this is that I would pussy out of doing that. and I didn't!!!!

I brought up that he (and the others) said he cared about me a lot more than he actually showed it and he just didn't have a response to this boooooo👎

he talked about how he wishes we could go back to the good ol days of riverdale nights in the lounge and how that's just not possible with the newfound distance between us (I made a joke after he said distance where i said "yeah x miles haha" and he said "well yeah but i meant more emotional distance" like yeah buddy😐 I know.). and I had to break it to him for the third time so that he could hopefully get it through his thick skull that I was in fact not actually having a good time back in may! I was miserable! I wasn't sleeping or eating and it sucked! and I get those were his good ol days but I hope I got him to realize there never even Were any good ol days for me.

one of my Big Things I brought up that I really liked is I said that whenever I explained this story to people (my best friend my mom and clara (rip) namely), what was going on with him that they always said something to the tune of "when you find your people, it won't be like this" (a lot of people also said they hoped he died but I opted not to tell him that). and that's so true! when I find my people (I have already found some of them) it literally isn't like this! radio friend and my bestie and my mom and sister and all of you and those lifelong friends I mention when we see each other twice a year would never treat me like this!!!!

the things he Did apologize for when I brought them up to him: being dismissive of my sexuality (it was not that thorough of an apology he was like "wow yeah that sucks im sorry" without actually really owning up to it but whatever ig), being condescending (he really can't help it so he just said he was sorry he made me feel condescended to and that was enough for me), accidentally making me feel alienated (I explained to him why I felt that way (bi guy jason not telling me things, them obviously being closer with each other than they were with me, that time they took off in my car for two hours without me) and it deemed like he genuinely felt bad about how alone that made me feel), and he said he was sorry after I explained that I always felt like shit about myself and like such an awful person after we hang out and how I didn't know what I was doing wrong to make them all not like me because I was really trying etc. but he did seem surprised that I picked up on the fact that they didn't like me which leads back to the whole condescension and him thinking I'm stupid thing. like you guys were not fucking subtle.

the things he did Not apologize for when I brought them up: saying he felt like he didn't know much about me but never actually asking about me (I explained how he never asked about me and when I talked about myself he seemed disinterested and he said "I'm not the type of person who makes bullet points when I talk to somebody" like okay fuck you. he also said some bs about how he just prefers to let the conversation flow naturally and how he doesn't like to ask questions. like okay then how are people supposed to know you actually want to talk to them?), being upset with me for never hanging out outside of bachelorette nights when He never asked Me to hang out outside of bachelorette nights (he was just like "yeah I should have reached out and not put that all on you" but he didn't actually say the words "im sorry" or seem to see what was wrong with that so im not counting it👎)

I didn't bring up sarah suitemate that much bc whatever the fuck her and I have going on is simply not his business also it's too complicated for any man let alone one with the brain the size of a pea to understand so I figured why bother. but I did bring up bi guy jason (who bi guy 2 insists never had a crush on me btw. which. if that's true all that worrying myself literally sick was for NOTHING!!!) and I asked if it would be worth it for me to reach out to him to try and get some closure there and he was like "ummm no I don't think that's a good idea. I think he's pretty much already done with you and wants to quietly lay this friendship to rest" like okay. well I'll go fuck myself then. because for the record bi guy jason was always Way worse to me than bi guy 2. so honestly he can kill himself.

it's worth it to note I did a lot of clarifying and apologizing in this conversation to make sure he didn't think I like. hated him or something. and like no matter what I say I really Don't hate him I just think he's a dick and a shitty friend.

I wish I had asked why he was doing so bad he couldn't respond to my text but I forgot and that's all over now.

but yes! the conclusion! as previously stated we kind of agreed to just like. not be friends but be cool with each other. which is the idea end outcome. I just didn't want to have to do any of that awkward pretending I didn't see him while walking on campus bullshit. and I think we're at a point where we can just say hi and appreciate the lols we had while this lasted.

#I did all of this in my little boys camo t shirt with bugs on it and a ten pound tote bag I'm braver than the troops fr #carmen.txt

[poupeesdecirque]

Posting by Queue, or: why I need some distance from my crafts

It has been some time since my last hobby meta blog entry, it had different reasons and one is that I need distance. Like, yes I of course enjoy crafting and sometimes I am like a little child that runs everywhere to show off things.

But it got ... less intense. And I learned I do better when I keep projects or at least details to myself to sit on them for longer. That the first euphoria is purely mine and not to be shared.

Like for my photos I have a buffer of several weeks now. Yes, I know past-me would have kind of hated that. But I learned I do better when I have a time buffer. I do take photos weekly but sometimes they don't feel special enough to get the weekly photo feature?

Friday & yesterday I went out for photos and while I like the ones from yesterday way more than the ones from friday I am not sure if the set from yesterday will get the feature or not as it's only a hand full of photos giving me that certain spark.

Other than that I am a very emotional artist, I sometimes really fuck up my art and hate it at the moment I worked on it, but then, sometimes, after a few days or weeks I can look at it and just wonder about what was my problem the day I made it.

Another thing is that I, myself, enjoy my art. The process of it. And I like to see my blog updating, sometimes I forget what post will go online and then I check the blog and think "ah yes, this was that thing!", and it reminds me why I made the blog overall, to show myself I had progress and that every tiny step counts.

Which leads to another reason why I hold back in regards of posting. Yes, I do share some snippets in my stories over on insta but not always and not all. I sit on over 300 drawings from the last two years alone nobody ever will see, I enjoyed drawing but it's nothing for the public eye. I will maybe go back and redraw some and share the redraws then, who knows?

But wait, there is actually more reasons.

The biggest or main reason is ... i sometimes go really wild on projects. In January I finished so many dolls it was insane, I worked on Cosplays and other crafts in an incredible speed, I have literally no idea where I found the time but I somehow did and doll parts arriving every week did the rest.

I keep the blog running with partially 2 month old stuff but .... to be honest I don't have doll stuff aside photos to do anymore. All I can do is wait for bodies to be shipped (or dolls even) and arrive. There has been no movement since January. Aside Iza getting the shipping notice for our Split, might take a while until its at her place and I can't really start on the Akuma until I got the body (which I at least have finally ordered this month) as colors need to be matched and mods to be made.

I am truly itchy to do something else than sewing all the time, I do enjoy cosplay but you know how much I like sewing (hint: not at all). So to remind myself of the fun I had in the past weeks I have mixed my blog to bless me with some progress I had which was maybe not sewing all the time. And well, the Cosplays have deadlines and I do get some ideas aside purely sewing while doing them, so that keeps me going for now.

Yes, I could start redoing dolls like Alastor or Erwin. But you know what? IT'S ALMOST ALL SEWING. Urgh.

Aside that real life is pretty good at eating me up and I just want to enjoy crafting. Right now drawing feels like stress relief but I hate the results and just scan the pieces and put them away to never look at them again, I have a bunch of posts queued up without any captions, a wip entry of a current project only has two photos but I lack the spoons to actually get them done. But since those posts are so far back it's fine (yes I know drafts are a thing).

In general I enjoy having my art to myself to get used to it before I put it out into the wild as I just recently got reminded I do bad with direct comparisons still and it hits some triggerpoints from the past and makes everything harder, I don't need that.

I literally have no idea if this blog makes sense even, lol. I just am tired of sewing and stopped working on my current project around lunch time and have drawn so much today and I walked way too much the whole week my friends urged me to stay the ef home and at least try to relax. But I'm restless as my body is too stressed (I know it all I'm a certified relaxation trainer so eh), so, have an over the place blog entry.

#blog #hobby meta #or something like that #idk

[alena-reblobs]

Trigun Bookclub Trimax Vol10 Part 4

Vol01: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3  | Vol02: Part 1 | Part 2

Trimax: Vol01 Part 1Vol01 Part 2 | Vol02 Part 1Vol02 Part 2 | Vol 03 Part 1 | Vol03 Part2 | Vol04 Part1 | Vol04 Part2 | Vol05 | Vol06 | Vol07 | Vol08 Part1 | Vol08 Part2 | Vol09 Part1 | Vol09 Part2 | Vol10 Part1 | Vol10 Part2 | Vol10 Part3 | Vol10 Part4

God why is this volume so long and full of so many epic pictures

Commentary for chapter 6 and 7 of Vol10, will do the last one in another post!

While I'm doing this, reading each chapter and after that, doing my commentary, I notice the effect of the volume lessening...damn! I should read it in one go first and THEN write my thougths but I'm afraid I'll forget what I want to say. Vol9 and Vol10 are in a way really meant to be read in one go for the full effect.

Chapter 6:

Yes! Wolfwood trying to end this fight not with his weapon, but with his bare hands is so important! He's not fighting to kill, he's not EoM's puppet, he's trying to bring back a friend...I can't say why but also the fact that this obviously pains Razlo more than bullets also feels right. That's how it should be. And then...there's Vash.

Oh god and then there's Vash.

This is...one of the most cruel images of Vash yet. To me it is THE most emotional in the whole series. Pure desperation. Sadness for things lost. Vash allowing himself to break down while we only hear the punches of Wolfwood beating down on Razlo. Looking at this image makes me sad. Damn it Nightow for making Vash have to grief before they even had the chance to start their future together.

But again, props to Nightow for the storytelling.

Vash promised Wolfwood to leave Razlo to him BUT NOBODY DARE INTERFERE.

LIVIOOOOOOO

And just when we fought we had gotten rid of him and he couldn't piss us off any more he's coming back round to hurt our boy

THANK YOU RAZLO. There can never be enough bullet holes in this dead man's body.

I really really like that Livio is not treating Razlo like the bad guy here, but acknowledges that Razlo is also a victim in a way. A victim of having to live through the fucked up shit that Livio could not cope with, of having to deal with that. (I hope I worded that all right, since I don't really know anything about the medical condition of which Razlo is the result?)

You did it, man. You saved Livio. And now you're even a person he looks up to you. Of the feels.

CRYBABY LIVIO IS BACK BITCHES oooh you earned that cigarette, Wolfie

Chapter 7:

I just love the kids and Melanie and how lively it seems. Surely it was hard and filled with loss as everybody had lost their parents, but it must also have been a childhood filled with love.

Baby Wolfwood oh my sweet boy... Sometimes I have wondered how little Vash and Wolfie would have gotten along. Or well, I'm sure they would've gotten along. I just would love to see them interact as kids. Out there, little Wolfwood, a long time ago, was once a boy drifting in space who would later be your most trusted friend. And who would, not in every way, but in an important way, save you.

Ah, just below is the panel where it says "six years have passed since that day" that always confuses me?? Still now because 6 years is not possible? I will wait for any explanation that you, my fellow bookclub readers, will come up with.

Don't scream at him!!!

Vash wanting to explain it to them is killing me. And Wolfwood's expression here is so...unclouded. Completely honest. Vulnerable. No my sweet boy you are no monster, did that not get into your head??

With the little time left...maybe he's right, maybe he can not explain to the children what he is, all the complex stuff.

You know, Vash, Wolfwood is tired. This moment, he just wants to spend it with you, and isn't that enough?

Wolfwood saying this...and then Vash begging to GOD, praying to not lose that man.

I never really got the grip on what Vash means with "stupid things". There's been this theory that Vash denies Wolfwood telling Vash his true feelings, but I don't think so. I think they both at this point know how they feel about each other. I think Vash just...can't stand to hear the emotional talk now because it's simply too much. Maybe it would be nice if they could talk out their innermost feelins at last. But maybe, they don't need that. Have their actions not proven enough already by now?

Throw that confetti guys

If some of you are on twitter and have followed the trigun fandom there you might have stumbled upon the marriage tweet my friend made when she read this scene the first time. I have nothing to add apart from that it rips my heart and soul in two. Now, there's one more chapter to this volume but this arc kinda already concludes with this here...and so I just want to say: I have NEVER before read something that felt so deeply emotional and tragic like this whole...Wolfwoof dying scene. Or, I might have and I might not remember, but in my mind this is the most tragic thing I can recall. Because...it takes its time. It already starts in Vol08, with Wolfwood's inner thoughts, and then it goes on for the whole next Volume where the stakes are getting higher and higher, until Vash appears to save them and save Wolfwood but it STILL is not enough. And Vash is shocked, is in denial, is in anger and is griefing and then we get a short moment of breathing, before it hits us again. We're living this all through Vash, and...and he can't bring himself to smile in the end. He can't. He only stares blankly until he then slumps down. Oh, and I read in the Trigun Wiki I think that this scene here is the only scene where we see Wolfwood cry. Which....gives it also so much more impact.

And, all in all, I think this is not the worst ending for Wolfwood. Of course I am devastated. Reading so much fanfiction, seeing so much fanart, makes it pretty easy to forget that there is no future for these two in canon...not together. (which is WHY I read the fanfiction because good lord did I need something to cope) And when I think about how they never get the chance to live the life together as they both may have wanted...then the feeling of loss hits the hardest. But then, on the other hand: First, killing off one of your main characters while giving them a metaphorical wedding scene is a sick move. An evil, sick move. And second: it fits the series. Because Trigun feels so real, and in real life, things don't always turn out the good way. And Wolfwood, with his life, never really had any future...but the thing is also, he died while knowing that he was able to achieve what he always wanted: the orphanage is safe and he brought Livio back. It is all he ever wanted to do, and it is thanks to Vash that he was able to do it. Would it have been dope if he lived on and if he and Vash could build their own orphanage and be caretaker dads together? Oh hell yeah. But, within the story of the series...it was always unrealistic. Wolfwood died smiling- whatever we think about it, he was content with what he achieved. (I think so at least! The panels where he cries out, they always strike me as a defiance, not wanting to die, but that might be reading to much into it. The whole thing for him is so emotional, the confetti, which tells him they welcome him back, despite knowing who he is...it would be a wonder if he didn't cry. So it might just be the emotionality of the whole scene.

PHEW I'm sure I could say more if I thought a bit about it but I'm gonna shut up here now. Time to do the last chapter, though I'll make another post, this one is far too long already.

#trigun #trigunbookclub #I only manage to sound more coherent and not constantly scream in my commentary because this is my third proper reread already #And I've looked at this pages far more often

[sugoi-writes]

FUCK. I WROTE PART NINE AND HAD IT ALL READY TO GO AND THEN MY KID GOT HER HANDS ON MY PHONE AND CLOSED THE APP. THANK LUCIFER I HAD THE FIRST HALF SAVED AS A DRAFT BUT STILL. OTL sending this separate because I was paranoid she'd do it again and I would have to write the second part a third time 😭 also realizing I forgot to put my sig at the bottom of Pt.9

..... Annnnd of course, after pressing send I remember that I forgot to rewrite the part where reader chokes Alastor when they cum. just shoot me holy motherfucking shit

At some point I'mma just make these into a full blown PWP fic. It seems like they get longer with each installment 🤣 (I'm sorry btw, I always feel kinda bad whenever I leave long messages in anyone's inbox 😫

AYEEEE WELL YA KNOW WHAT THEY SAY - GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE!! 😘❤️‍🔥

It's a fitting pet name Hunny Pun! You're the queen of puns and you're so so SO sweet like a Honey Bun! is that icing or Alastor's jizz on you??? ... im so sorry i'll see myself out again 😭 CAN'T FIND AND KISS ME IF I FIND AND KISS YOU FIRST BABES~! ❤️❤️❤️

I can't hold on to my anonymity anymore guys so I'mma be making Pt.10 my reveal post~ it's killing me that I can't leave rabid fangirl messages on your works like you all do here for me! I really did wanna wait until I got the Smutmus Holy Trinity complete or at least in the revision stages but just- GAH! I NEED YALL TO KNOW HOW AMAZING I THINK YOU ARE. Beautiful beautiful minds, inside and out i can't even-!

Seriously though, I can't even begin to express how grateful and happy I am to have met any of you! And there are no words in the English dictionary (or any at all really) that I could use to describe what I feel about how accepting and supportive you've been! I could NEVER thank yall enough for helping me to find the joy in writing again. I love all three of you so much and I'm honored to call you friends!! 🥺🥰💋

- ☄️❤️ Smut Santa

False Alarm for the Next Part!! And honestly, thank God, the vibe is still not charged HAH--

Oh no!!! I'm so sorry that happened to you!! I had a similar experience when writing my part 2 to my Nun! Alastor fic. Fun fact: had to re-write it 5 times because I kept forgetting to save it. ;;_;; hhhh my baby fever is so bad I'm crying, but man, KIDS! What a little stinker 🥹❤️

Also, my ask box is usually super empty? Like, you could LICK the floor with how neat and empty it is? I LOVE messages? Even better if they long like Alastor's girthy fucking co--

We--We were- when we??? ALASTOR GETS--??? MY HANDS AROUND HIS???

*Danny.Exe has experienced an Error*

*Rebooting*

OKAY IM BACK--

☄️❤️Anon... babycakes. At this rate I'm gonna do more than fucking kiss you. I think we're past that now. And if you keep calling me 'Hunny Pun', or similar pet names, I'm just gonna jump your bones--

Hug you!!!! I meant hug you!!!

It's Alastor's jizz. It's canon-- NO DONT LEAVE I NEED TO KNOW HOW I GOT IT ON MY FAAAAAAACE

GUYS CODE TREAT, CODE TREAT, THE ANON VEIL IS DROPPING!!! ITS DROPPING DHDHDJDHDJ-- You will never gain a mutual as fast as you will then I SWEAR

☄️❤️!!! Smut Santaaaaa! 🥹😭❤️ Your mind is a beautiful, smutty, enchanting place!!! Knowing that you've been religiously cranking this out, while also having a kiddo... Seriously, how do you do it??? If anyone deserves the praise rn, 🎵it's you??? It's you, ITS ALWAYS YOU!!🎵 ❤️❤️❤️

Don't push yourself too hard! Please? ❤️ I will treasure these rare, scrumptious little treats for as long as I have brain cells left ❤️ I will call you friend until you tell me to quit or I lose my voice for good. And even then, my lips will keep moving and repeating the same thing until I'm blue in the face. ❤️❤️❤️ you are such a sweet, sweet, soul, and I can feel your vibes, and they are so wholesome! I can't wait to meet the person or sexual fiend behind it all! I feel like I speak for us all, and not just the main 3, but EVERYONE: everyone who has read your posts love you to bits. And they love your work to bits. Best believe when you publish your first work, we'll be there. En masse. And we will be EAGERLY returning the love you surprised us with.

Thank you for all that you do. On this post in particular, you deserve a foot rub, a forehead kiss, and a hug that lifts and spins you off your feet! 💗💗💗

Have a blissful, best of days you can have, dear! You deserve it! 💗

#gah now im all mushy #i need to watch Howl's Moving Castle again #I NEED IT #☄️❤️ i said i love you like a million times let me know if that makes you uncomfy please? hahah;;; #MWUAH #☄️❤️anon #sweet post #smutmus #danny rambles #danny speaks

[lonestardust]

hey guys, hi friends, how are you? I miss you. and i miss being here. This was supposed to be a "2023 is over, here is a summary" post but this is just a life update.

TW : wound (⚠️ it's gnarly, ok)

I know I've been MIA for the past two and half months, I've been struggling to write this post. I don't sleep well and I've lost weight. I've been struggling to sit and write about how I'm personally doing. Unable to express personal thoughts. Maybe because I'm the least important thing to me now. All I know is the gut wrenching screams of bleeding Falasteen. I can only tune in that collective suffering. That's where I belong. That's every human being's duty. June Jordan is right "Palestine's liberation is a litmus test of morality" I'll always go back to that quote because so many are failing it. So many disappointed me. It's like they made their humanity crumble into irrelevance the moment they reveled that showing up for humanity is optional and conditional depending on how comfortable and relevant it is to the white western values.

But simultaneously I've been feeling the tourniquet salvaging the wound. The strife for liberation is well and alive. Liberation and Decolonization had become mainstream concepts and practice (although some are still struggling to stay fully principled away from normalization but it's happening!). Like all arabs. I grew up watching the dead kids. The slingshots and rocks combating massive occupation tanks. I grow up haunted by the assassination of 11 year old Mohammed Al-Durrah, by Naji El Ali's Handala being a signature graffiti art in random streets, knowing that Israel assassinated Naji because he was a Palestinian artist. A truth teller. I grow up witnessing how they bulldozed 23 year old Rachel Corrie. I think often of Rayan Suleiman from last year. still haunted by his big rounded brown eyes — this 7 year old, chased by the terrorist zio occupation forces that he fell to the ground and died of a cardiac arrest. A 7 year old. His body shut down. Fear transcended his fragile anatomy that it shut down and died. I'll never forget the photo of his little body surrounded at the funeral by his friends. A bunch of 7 year olds. Starring into the void. not able to process what's happening because it's such an absurd concept. Kids consoling kids. My head hurts witnessing extermination campaigns and mass graves, and maimed bodies beyond recognition — WHOLE full fledged lives turned into literal dust. For 84 days straight now.

My brain, soul, spirit, psyche will never ever be the same again. And I pray this horror dig itself in the depth of the bones of the entirety of the fascist zionist world and their systems and fuel us to take action and never go back to statue quo!

On another note, I've had a quite terrible accident. A deep second degree burn as you can see. Accidentally spilled boiling water directly from a pot on the stove all over my left thigh. The pain is terrible obviously and I caught a really bad flu on top of it in the first couple of days because i wasn't able to cover it, wear pants or properly cover myself while I'm sleeping. So I've been bed ridden, bone-tired with fever and a massive wound.

Day 4 Day 7

Mind you this happened the day before i was supposed to start a new teaching job. Obviously wasn't able to show up and that was a bummer because i needed that job. desperately so and not just financially, I couldn't and can't handle anymore the anger, grief and anxiety pressuring my nervous system. I needed to start that new job immediately to refocus my daily life on a track again just to gain a routine so i could cope. Usually between jobs when I'm unemployed I thrive in doing nothing but my fan hobbies. Art, fandom and creating make my life so rich I could never get bored but in times like these "balancing grief and joy" is NOT an option.

And here is a thing. Because I've seen many many fucked up self-centred individualistic takes coming from white liberals telling us how we should feel (they always feel entitled, don't they), like the irony in the colonial paradigm harming us then offering us their therapy as the solution, coming with "protect your energy", "choose peace", "practice daily masturbation to relieve the stress of what's happening" (yes I watched this being directly and openly suggested on a panel about Palestine) imagine fucking telling somebody to go finger themselves and masturbate the stress of a GENOCIDE away.

The strangest manifestation of the white "self care" industrial complex, where people think they can therapize their way out of colonial mental consequences of bearing witness and being complicit in genocide. Maybe we're not meant to cope with this because it's literally beyond comprehension. Insane pathological narcissistic behaviour to think it's even a goal to feel good right now- if you want to"feel good" your only goal should be mobilising and organizing for revolution through action to destroy and dismantle the imperialist systems, to never go back to status quo!

On the physical aspect. I've been lucky, my dad has been taking care of me, taking me to the hospital visits, paying for my meds, cooking for me and all. And as I sit here, healing and being taken care of, I can't stop thinking of how I have resources, I have a roof over my head, warplanes are not buzzing in my ears 24/7, I get to sleep in my bed. I'm injured and I'm healing, able to sedate the pain with medicine. Can use the bathroom because there is water. But Palestinians in Gaza do not have any of that. None. Kids have their limbs amputated without anaesthesia amid ongoing denial of medical supplies into the strip. Some of them die of pain during that deadly surgical intervention. It makes me sick to my stomach. And I don't know what else to say tbh. I just know we live in a world that has no red lines and we can't continue to exist like that. Empire shall fall.

I genuinely don't know what to say, new year spirit and holidays mean nothing to me. My only new year resolution is to never again get numbed by the Empire. If standing for the lives of people of colour and their liberation is radical in a cesspool of white supremacy and imperialism, so radical it is.

I hope you're doing fine though. i hope you're well and okay. and to be honest I don't have it in me to ask about the fandom and how is it going.. It's probably going, I'm just not there at the moment. But i want to hear from you. How's life lately? What have you been up to? Also I am sorry if you've been tagging me in wips, games or sending me asks, I am genuinely sorry if I did not reply, I promise i see it and appreciate it ❤️‍🩹 I appreciate the special friendships and bonds I've formed in this fandom here, especially this year, and I don't wanna feel like I'm losing that.

#about me #life update

[sockori]

shmupdate 🧦

very long, hastily written, but a look is appreciated

greetings- to those who are somehow still lingering around this account or came up upon it during my desolate time off. it is sock. or sockori.... or raven... my name is actually raven (they/it, 20 yo disabled autistic goth nerd whatever the fuck). howdy

im still on the 'undetermined hiatus' so to speak that i described in my leaving post, but i will say right now that i have no near future plans on returning. in the tags on my newest art, i mentioned my naruto hyperfixation (of like. 6 years i think) finally died out and other interests have long since captured my autism full force. for me personally, when i lose a special interest like this so drastically, i just full on abandon it for as long as it stands. however, this isn't the only thing that made me leave, and i think its time for me to be completely honest & get some weight off my chest.

i made this account around the cusp of turning 14, during a god awful pubescent era where i acted as any other edgy teen does and i'd much rather like to forget these days. what im saying is i was not in the right mindset at all when i exposed myself that much & got the attention that i did. a dismayingly giant coping mechanism i had in my youth was being online 24/7 because i had no one in reality to lean on let alone feel comfortable talking to about anything that was happening at that time. this of course leads to what the kids call these days being 'chronically online'- desperate for some sort of assurance or interaction, i crawled into internet spaces i shouldn't have been for an also incredibly unsupervised child using the dangerous worldwide web.

yes, naruto was apart of this, as well as other interests i had at the time. throughout my journey i met unsavory people, suffered abhorrent things like stalking & gr---ming, saw things i didn't deserve to see, did a bunch of stupid shit an angsty teen does, i believe you understand the rest. i am in no way proud or gleeful about any of these years and have some very sour memories tied to fandom as a whole, not just naruto, and i really don't like reflecting on them. so, unfortunately, this account sorta became a bitter reminder of what i went through as i grew up & finally matured and sought to recover. that's the first part of why my activity fizzled away & i began backing off from internet use entirely.

the second part is sasori. yes, the puppet man. sorta the sole reason i made sockori in the first place. as the sasori enjoyers following / who followed know, this puppeteer has an incredibly unhealthy philosophy and worldview (if the carefully preserved corpses turned puppets and complete lack of humanity didn't give that away), and is safe to say entirely detached from his reality to a nhilistic and suicidal extent. when you autistically fixate on a character like how i did, sometimes this character's rhetoric can seep into your own without you even realizing; Especially when you're a spot where you are incredibly vulnerable and psychologically unstable, as i was in my youth. now i didn't go around believing you should uhhh murder people and preserve them Obviously- actually i began to believe that perhaps there was some peace in obtaining a robotic existence. maybe emotions were useless, perhaps nothing truly mattered, my life didn't matter, art in eternal in the sense that death is scary and i should avoid it at all costs, why make connections with people when they just die or leave, cant trust people at all to help me, xyz. anything in these lines. without going too uncomfortably deep for everyone's sake and mine, it fucked me up severely. i suppose in a way it relates to how he uses poison. his toxins got right into my nervous system, but the pain i felt from those toxins was the only thing i could really rely on at the time, so i just let it happen. such is the depressing case of coping in the worst spot of your life.

cant help but feel incredibly strange telling the tale, as it sounds so obscure doesn't it, but media can truly get inside your psyche like this if a consumer isn't careful. not sure if anyone else out there fell into a similar headspace dealing with interests in this nature- but regardless. what i mean to say is, sasori is now a kind of content i cant consume anymore. i am in a way better place now, have grown wise and balanced with careful recovery and patience, and of course have grown out of whatever teenage nonsense i was on. sasori, who was once the only thing my autistic traumatized ass could lean on, is now an extremely dark shadow on my life. yes i see this homicidal anime puppet dude from a fantasy ninja anime and get psychological distress. he's somewhat of an aggressor or abuser to me now, which is tragic. ive been actively avoiding everything even vaguely relating to him, be it the art of puppetry, anime clips, robotic/sci-fi genre, whatnot cause i just. man. i dont wanna go back there. shouldn't have to explain why at this point. ptsd at its finest

feel like ive been honest enough. sasori enjoyers out there who were just around to enjoy what i made, anyone i happened to be good friends with during my time on this account, this doesn't have anything to do with you guys. i appreciate everyone dearly for supporting me and cheering me on in whatever i made despite all the hell & anguish that was taking place beyond the keyboard. im just glad that i managed to find some way out and get the help i need before i gave up & took my own life, which depressingly i almost did a handful of times. carrying the horrors is an exhausting burden to bare sometimes, but that does not mean i can't look back on the good parts of the era too. and seeing you all happy and sharing my memes or whatever made me ecstatic and at least a little bit hopeful for the future. fortunately that little spark of hope grew into something more. thanks for being a light in a very, very dark room.

that being said, i leave you all with this: i am not dead, just greatly changed, a new person at last freed from apathy & exhaustion, with now enough room to finally grow. the memories will never truly fade & my disabilities will be a part of me until i pass on, but at least now i can manage them a lot better than ever before, surrounded by way better people who love me for who i am. i will hang on the best i can. i wish for you to do the same. find freedom and happiness wherever you are. take care. happy trails

trans rights. i eat fascist souls. free palestine

#sasori #world is pain but i will manage