#don't be afraid of hurting my feelings

[papermint-airplane]

Urgent critique request!

Should I continue my Bachelor save or should I fold Aiden into another save? Hmm. 🤔

I don't think many people read my Bachelor save, probably because it's not an actual Bachelor challenge but a story narrative in Bachelor challenge clothes. It's a little out there but I enjoy the characters a lot and I don't want to let them go, especially Aiden. Should I drop the Bachelor thing and continue their story in another way?

And I'm not asking because I've run out of ideas, because I have a lot more things I'd like to do. I've held off posting it just because it doesn't get much attention. Maybe it's because my pictures for it are kinda uninteresting or maybe because it's a weird premise that doesn't come through very clearly. I won't be rebooting it entirely, just leading the story in a different direction away from the "abducted and forced to compete in a reality TV dating show broadcast across the galaxy via pirate signal for potentially nefarious reasons". Does that set up even come across in my writing or is it too vague? Is the premise getting in the way of the narrative?

This isn't me giving up or fishing for compliments, I'm genuinely asking because I don't know if I'm taking the ideas in my head as "of course this comes across fine" without clarifying things that need to be clarified. Maybe the way I've been writing it is just confusing. Does that make sense?

I'm definitely keeping the characters, though. Just... maybe they could be in a different situation? Maybe give Aiden more time in the forefront? And if I do soft-reboot it, what would you be interested in seeing?

#sims 3 #sims 3 stories #help please #critique my story #don't be afraid of hurting my feelings #i have felt this way for a while #and i guess i just want confirmation

[annotated-catastrophe]

I don't know why this is so funny to me.

That I almost died this morning, actually.

And... this place lives on.

It's funny how much the world really doesn't revolve around me.

I'm glad it doesn't!

I don't mind at all.

I am just in a strange mood.

It was just a near car crash, I'm ok.

#I'm not afraid of dying #I'm not #but still #adrenaline #and my mother would never be the same #I guess #my friends I love so deeply would be hurt #I have to live for them #that's what was going through my mind #when I almost died #when that car swerved around me #they ran the red light #all I was thinking about was my mama #man #she really would never get over it #and my siblings need me #my little sister can't even sleep alone #she likes to snuggle with me #how would she feel? #The people on here don't care that much I'm sure #I'm just another user to them #but my stories wouldn't get finished #my songs would never be sung #my poetry would never be shared #I probably needed this #to realize that I really #actually #want to live #life is beautiful #there's so kany pretty thngs that no one seems to notice

[iamumbra195]

Do you ever think about how Ben chose not to speak ever again?

About how he probably tried to sing over and over again when he was all by himself, hoping that one day his voice wouldn't break in such a horrible way when singing a song he used to love before finally giving up because he couldn't stand the sound of his voice anymore?

About how he lost his outlet for stress so he fell into a depression that festered into a rage, all-consuming yet never filling that hole left in his heart?

About how he'd lost his way after being forced to realize letting his anger consume him would have consequences on the people he cared about?

About how he probably felt so alone when his parents sent him to live with his aunt and uncle, thinking his parents had given up on him despite them trying to tell him they were doing it for his own good?

About how he'd found a guiding light in the darkness, a purpose in following Aiden-- someone who was reckless and lived life like there was no tomorrow, someone he knew would always have his back, protecting him just as he did them, someone who would fill the stifling silence with mindless chatter?

About how he's managed to still be so overwhelmingly kind and gentle despite everything he'd gone through?

Because I do.

#my sweet baby boy #he's probably like 9in taller than me but he's still my boy #school bus graveyard #school bus graveyard webtoon #sbg #sbg (webtoon) #ben clark #aiden clark #clark family #aiden and ben's parents... #I love them but i find their parenting choices highly questionable #ben clark appreciation #because he deserves more #and i wish we knew more about him and Aiden's relationship #I feel like we're going to get it soon though #cause he's been getting a lot of screen time #which I'm simultaneously afraid of and happy about #Red please don't hurt my boy

[amethystina]

Wait wait wait you just watched Marry My Dead Body?!?? I need to commiserate then holy shit. I watched it yesterday because I was travelling and also figured it be a fun goofy film to watch while stuck in transit for hours and then suddenly it was over and I was sitting there in goddamn TEARS. I WAS NOT EXPECTING IT TO BE SO EMOTIONAL. IT MADE ME LAUGH AND THEN ALSO STABBED ME IN THE HEART. I feel like it played me for a fool, but in the best possible way. What a good ride it is :’)

OH MY GOD SAME.

Well, except I was at home and went: "I'll watch this before going to bed, I'm sure it'll be a fun time" and, I mean, it WAS but it also wasn't. Like, after I finished it I just sat there, not knowing how to contain all the emotions I was experiencing. How the fuck was I supposed to sleep after something like that?

I genuinely had no idea what to do with myself (I still kind of don't tbh). I did NOT expect to cry as much as I did. Quite a few things can make me cry but this just hit me right where it hurts. And I didn't expect it, in any way, shape, or form. I was completely unprepared.

It was supposed to be a silly comedy!

But, like, for real? The "my husband" moment? You should have HEARD the fucking noise I made. It was guttural. I was fucking obliterated.

(and oh man, I so desperately want to make people feel that way with my writing. I am so, so inspired!)

Long story short, I'm emotionally compromised and I have absolutely no regrets. I just love, love, love becoming this invested in a story and I'm still neck-deep in feels. It's been two days already but my thoughts just keep returning to this movie, time and time again.

So I'm guessing I'm going to rewatch it in a day or two x'D

#Amethystina Replies #wolfandrain #Marry My Dead Body #This won't be something I write a fanfic for tho #I don't have anything to add #Like I genuinely can't think of anything to write because I'm afraid of ruining my current feelings for this movie #I want to leave it just the way it is #So I guess I'll have to find and outlet somewhere else #And considering the level of emotion I'm itching to convey? #Time to get back to Who Holds the Devil I guess #Since that's the only story I have right now which is intense enough #I am going to wreck some shit up #Which was planned all along by the way #I usually take a break after a big emotional climax #But I actually did the opposite this time #I paused because I needed to brace myself for what's to come x'D #So I apologise in advance I guess #This will hurt

[cherrywhite]

So I was going to write this whole thing about Faulkner and how a lot of his character is, at least to me, built on this despairing loneliness and isolation. That part of it stems from having been abandoned by his father and brother (a father that never looked him in the eye, a brother that never came back like he promised). That that loneliness feeds into his desire for a place to belong, to no longer be alone, but its since been twisted into this want for prestige (because there's that rationalization: if he were special, if he had the title and accolades then he'd have had to have made his place somewhere right? Make a home somewhere?). And that's why it was so easy to betray Carpenter the way he did, to weigh it in his hands....

.... but every time I tried to sit down and write coherent, concise thoughts it spiraled into something incomprehensible (see above). BUT I still want to talk about it because this podcast makes me so ill every other Thursday.

#the silt verses #listen. do you see my vision. #faulkner strikes me as someone who knows who he is but needs to prove it to others. needs to save face. is afraid of showing his mistakes #sometimes I'll see ppl say they hate faulkner and I'm like nooo you don't deserve him #listen i firmly believe ppl are allowed to feel whatever way about whichever character #AND YET..... #like if you're struggling to understand his character i feel like this reading helps contextualize a lot of his actions #he's not someone who wants power for power's sake #but rather needs to be accepted and loved but only sees the possibility through power. through being special #the trawlerman as a god that walked beside him when he was lonely and hurting and chose him for a reason #but there's a reason why he no longer prayed to him like he used to in s2 isn't there?

[nobrainforthoughtsphantomh]

Mannn, this fever got me fucked up. Who the hell is this guy.

#putting the sonic tag here even though I'm deathly afraid #sonic the hedgehog #knuckles the echidna #< i do know who the hell this guy is btw. #my brain feels like spam and my eyes keep on watering #I've never played a sonic game btw #don't hurt me #digital art #art #artists on tumblr

[sun-marie]

What I really think media with ensemble casts, especially those in a traveling group of some kind, are missing are big, blow-out arguments between the group. Especially when there's a conflict of interests, I am such a sucker for when two or more characters disagree so strongly that they realize very little is actually holding them together as a group, and wonder if it's time to go their separate ways.

I feel like a lot of video games, specifically, just kind of assume once the traveling band is "complete", it's forced to stay together until the player expressly permits it, but I don't really find that very compelling and a lot of times it feels more like they're relying on some kind of immediately strong bond that hasn't really been earned. Which is a shame, because in my opinion one of the best ways to strengthen that bond is to have the characters disagree and argue. Maybe they realize they're only being superficially held together and so they temporarily split up, only to then realize how much they've come to care for the others in the group. Then they reunite, make-up, formulate a plan to go forward, and boom, the group bond is that much stronger. Or maybe they don't even split up, and maybe they never learn to like each other, but they decide whatever cause their working toward is more important. Something else, bigger than them, is holding them together.

It just feels like a lot of potential is going to waste to just skip straight to the intense found family bond, without earning it.

#there are exceptions of course #like I thought it was clever how bg3 did it where the group didn't necessarily intend to be traveling together this long #and then once they learned about the tadpoles and the artifact it turns out it's either stay together or die #but a disagreement between them every once and a while instead of assuming they're all insta-besties couldn't hurt #and DA2 kinda circumvents this by Hawke not really going anywhere #so if Fenris isn't having a good time with Anders he can just like stay home and vice versa #but games like Octopath Traveler 2 would really benefit from some stronger disagreements #like my first playthrough Castti's ch. 4 and Osvald's ch. 5 lined up right next to each other #and like vague ot2 spoilers #but what I would give to see them hash it out #over whether to save thousands of people Castti doesn't know potentially at the cost of saving one person Osvald cares a great deal for #or vice versa #especially with how hardened Osvald's become it would have been soooo juicy #i get that would've been difficult to implement and that's probably more the job of fanfic #but that's just an example of what I mean #idk I just think more creators shouldn't be afraid to have their characters seriously argue with each other #because not every disagreement is a dealbreaker and can in fact strengthen their bonds #and like not every game cast needs to be found family! but if you want that found family effect you have to show them arguing like a family #poe1 is a good example of a group that travel together and don't necessarily have this tight bond #they just feel like good friends (mostly) #i had other examples that I can't think of now and may add later #I feel like I was going somewhere with this but yeah it's just something I've been thinking about #let characters fight sometimes. conflict is what makes stories good #edit: FE: 3 Houses was the other example I was thinking of! #like things get pretty dire in the Blue Lions route and Dimitri has some pretty questionable moments #but with the exception of like Felix hardly anyone calls him out on it they just kind of go along with it #and lo and behold Felix is one of my favorite 3H characters and his friendship with Dimitri is extremely compelling #bc their friendship was tested and survived #marie speaks

[andersdotters]

Hi! I recently found your blogs, and can I just say how much I love your character analyses? Your portrayal of each character is always so in depth to the point where I can even picture them acting and speaking the same in game! I'm so impressed and I seriously don't know how you connect to each and every one of them so perfectly :O

If I may ask, what does your research and character profile process look like? As someone interested in writing, I hope to be as skilled as you with analysing characters (and writing plots and writing in general--) one day :) Any tips would be appreciated!

Thank you so much for all the hard work you do. I know I'll enjoy the story you come up with next!

Aww thank you so much!! Honestly sometimes I worry that my analyses won't be to everyone's tastes, so I'm very glad you think that they're good! I feel the same way about my writing because I know they're not the most romantic, so it's a relief to know you like it. ;v; <3 I have a lot to say about your questions though, so I'm going to put it under a readmore. It's an uh... infodump HAHA

When it comes to research, what it basically comes down to is reading everything. Read the character's lore, read their voice lines. Read what other characters have to say about them. Even talking to every NPC you see in the hopes that they'll talk about a character helps out a lot too HAHA. I also recommend going back to old events when doing research too. Reread them. Listen to the voice actor's portrayal of them. Read everything you can.

This is take three of trying to explain my character analysis process, but I'm going to give up and just explain to you the main logic that governs it. Basically what it boils down to is: we are not unique. Humans are not unique. What do I mean by this? People that are certain ways--for example, they have a low self-esteem, consistently overwork themselves, they want children when they get older, etc--they will typically share common characteristics. When you know the defining characteristics of each trait, you can potentially apply that trait to everyone you know that displays those characteristics.

For example, people that constantly overwork themselves typically have unhealthily high levels of perceived responsibility, typically with a self-deprecative trait that they don't deserve to be happy and rest. People that are very showy tend to care a lot about what people think of them. People that are extremely close to their families typically lose the ability to function properly without them.

If you know people that are like the examples above, you know that these observations are pretty accurate. And these examples represent pretty common types of people as well. Once you've seen one of them, you've seen them all. Nobody is unique. And because of that, you can apply these observations to characters because characters are meant to be human. Example one is Kaveh. Example two is Itto. And example 3 is Lyney. Now you've gotten a deeper dive into their psyche.

The way you become better at character analysis is by broadening your internal library of traits and their defining characteristics. This involves three steps: observation, drawing connections between observations, and fine tuning these connections by applying them to other people.

These steps are easy to understand, but let me go a bit more into step one. Observations come in two categories: physical observations and intuitive observations. Physical observations encompass things they physically do. Intuitive observations are larger statements that can't be tied to just a single physical observation. For example, physical observations may be that they don't go out much, they don't talk much in groups but do one-on-one, they wear bright colors, they're rude, etc. Intuitive observations are more: they seem to be uncomfortable around children, they act like they're scared to contact first, they're always on the move, etc.

The second step involves drawing lines between observations and trying to deduce meaning. For example, [they end their sentences using a rising intonation] + [they ask me my opinion a lot] = [this person cares about not sounding rude or unwelcoming]. Or, [they have a low self-esteem] + [they care about being seen as morally good] + [they engage in fandom] = [I probably should not tell this person I think Dottore and his penchant for human experimentation is hot].

Typically the logic goes: [physical observation] + [physical observation] = [intuitive observation]. [physical observation] + [intuitive observation] = [mid-tier intuitive observation]. [intuitive observation] + [intuitive observation] = [top tier intuitive observation].

But it does not end at step two. Step three basically tests to see if your observation from step two is valid or not. When you apply your observation from step two to a multitude of people, you're able to fine tune your observation to make it more generalized and more accurate. Maybe you realize that not everyone that ends their sentences in a rising intonation is necessarily polite, but it's more of a cultural thing. Maybe you see that having low self-esteem isn't always a symptom of having a high moral code. Test, revise, then test again. The higher the tier of your observation, the greater the chance it has of being wrong.

When I analyze characters, I go through my mental library and see which traits and characteristics I've catalogued before. And for things that don't have an exact match, I try to find ones that shares at least a few things in common that may follow the same logic. For example, I don't know anyone like Zhongli. However, I do have a friend that's very outgoing, but you can have a full on conversation with them and leave not knowing anything about them. Can I apply the logic of my friend to someone like Zhongli?

I will say this and I will say this again. People are not unique. Everyone is a copy of someone else in some way. When you treat the characters as if you were analysing any other normal human being, you can quite easily draw conclusions from what they have in common with people you know and have seen.

Anyway, this is so long I am so sorry. Hopefully I didn't completely bowl you over with information. OTL

#interactions #anon #another thing i want to say is like.... #don't try to hold back the frankness of your observations #if you've ever read my analyses of kaveh they're uhhh.... not the nicest (tho idk if i only posted them on my personal...) #in order to become aware of flaws of characters you need to be able to accept the flaws objectively in others #if someone is mean then say they're mean. if they have a martyr complex then say they have a martyr complex #don't be afraid of being objective. that only hurts the process #some people think that it's not nice to give attention to the flaws of people you love #in my opinion that's complete bull #when you are aware of a person's flaws you understand them better and they become easier to forgive #you can rightfully say #'yes you may have flaws but knowing them makes me love you even more' #you get me? #also what helps is sharing your analyses with others and have them help you to refine your observations #also don't be afraid to observe and draw conclusions in general #sometimes you may feel you're invading a person's privacy #and uh..... to that....... um... #you have to decide what matters more to you. getting better at analysis or giving someone their privacy HAHA #by this i don't mean like... be a stalker or anything #but i think the biggest thing to actually remember the most is that.... #CORRELATION DOES NOT IMPLY CAUSATION #just because a character shares all the traits a pattern you've seen in real life doesn't mean that's their issue #take everything EVERYTHING you deduce with a grain of salt #this is ESPECIALLY so when you are analyzing real people #no matter how accurate you think you may be you are not an empath nor are you a mind reader or god #do NOT act upon your deductions or think you know what's best for people from them #in the end analysis is purely theoretical so like... don't take yourself too seriously and have fun uwu

[nonokoko13]

Ok so today I found out Nanbaka ended some time ago so I spoiled myself and man, the ending was so rushed and angst for no reason and overall disappointing??? The author threw very important lore info and a plot twist that felt all out of the blue near the ending... I love angst but when it is well written, and this was not. Their friendship was real, even if prior to the series start wasn't I know what I read was real friendship and this ending ruins for me one of the main themes of this show.

I don't post a lot about this series because I started it before I even had Tumblr but Nanbaka was everything to me back then. Even after I was forced to move on because the english translation stopped and finding all chapters fan translated was very difficult I'd find myself thinking about these characters sometimes and I almost dare to say that it was a comfort series. Not being able to keep reading it without going through a Odyssey was already upsetting but the ending? What in the actual fuck is that. Is not even the fact it was a sad ending what bothers me the most, it's that it was sad and felt bad written or without proper building 🙁

This literally summaries my opinion regarding what happened to the main group:

Now I feel bad? Bad like when you receive bad news irl? Like I've received a punch in the stomach or a betrayal from a dear old friend

If spy x family or yuu & grim (including all of their friends in twst) separate in the end I'm losing all hope of being happy and relaxing with this trope without fearing the chance of getting backstabbed again forever

God please let them stick together or I'm going to make you the same thing you have done with me

#♡ — shut up noko #sorry I needed to vent #endings like that get my trust issues acting up /srs #how are you gonna enjoy a lighthearted family found series if you can't lower your guard bc you're afraid this will happen?? #on top of that it was all the time a comedy gag slice of manga except for some action and blood here and there #and then they really decided to struck me with a bitter ending. Hurt/comfort without the comfort. all misery #and it feels so rushed and unnecessary and unnatural and too vague for an ending???? #I wish I could unlearn it and keep believing they all live happily together in prison #because reality is already disappointing and mid-ish as it is. no need for more of that in fiction thanks #never thought it could happen to Nanbaka something worse than not getting a continuation of the anime #or being difficult to almost impossible to find chapters for non Japanese fans. Or being criminally underrated and forgotten for most peopl #but Murphy's law strikes again. There's always another level in the misery basement that is being fan of this series #sorry I don't handle well series I hold dearly having endings that I dislike or being cancelled #I was still recovering from Inside Job being cancelled so Netflix could give B*g f Mouth another season and now this #why God likes to ruin my day so much #nanbaka

[lyrikmumare]

you think you're fine going to the doctor then BOOM that evening you remember every dubious thing that's ever happened to you

#clyde.txt #plus that ''do you get compliments'' poll already had me reeling like No i barely get compliments unless i ask #yet it's clear people feel entitled to me and are not afraid to take advantage and i wish i could kill people. esp doctors i hate doctors. #ppl do this to anyone bc they're addicted to hurting ppl but my brain rationalizes it as my beauty is what gets me put in these positions #but i know that's just not true or only how that works but it's just like i don't ever even know how to feel about myself #or what to do with myself 😭😭😭😭 #i cope by going miq kinnie moment. i am also (kind of) blonde and look too young and ppl are weird to me. #sorry i did not meant to vent this much but this is my diary i need to post this for 3 hours then delete it. my therapy

[depresseddepot]

trying to determine which parts of my relationship with sex are asexuality, which are trauma, and which are autism is like trying to have a conversation with three people talking loudly and all at once

#just to be clear: asexuality as a result of trauma or neurodivergency is still asexuality. full stop no debate. #anyway because i love oversharing on tumblr dot com: feeling very sex repulsed on this day #i was joking with some guy about fighting each other (specifically said ''you ever fight a girl over 200 lbs? id break your ribs'') #and like three different people said something like ''well that would probably turn him on'' #and. listen. i get it. that was a joke response to my joke threat #but what i felt in that moment and still feel now requires nothing short of academic study to understand #first of all: how dare they make me feel embarrassed in a social setting when i was doing so well. #secondly: why the fuck would me making a threat make them instantly think of sex #thirdly: how fucked up is my body image that i hear that and immediately think they're all out of their minds #i like fat women. i am personally attracted to fat women. not (usually) sexually but i do think they are very nice to look at #so why is it so hard for me to accept that someone else could find me attractive as well ! #i think about being in a situation where a relationship and/or sex is a real possibility and i flinch like its going to hurt me #but why???? where is this aversion coming from !!!!! i am a hopeless romantic i daydream about romance all the time #so whats the deal here. is it subconscious bc of my asexuality and i associate romance with sex? #is it because of my autism where i associate romance with touch and am afraid i am too unempathetic to have a chance? #or (most likely) is it just because im so fucking scared of trusting someone that even the thought makes me nauseous #did this all crop up from a throwaway sex joke? yes #but people don't make sex jokes to me. people don't even pretend to allude to me being cute #this same group of people said a few weeks ago ''at least you're pretty'' #which. is not the case!!!!!!! people do not say those things to me because they don't want to even slightly entertain that idea !!!!!!! #and i am extremely tired of having my life upended because of this #i have always been treated like i was ugly and teased about it and i FINALLY have managed to be okay with not being attractive #and now that im okay with it: NOW is when the pretty jokes start. im fucking angry about it actually #i can't be both. i cannot think of myself in terms that abstract. i am one or the other #and this leads me to believe that people think i COULD be pretty. but the catalyst is that i am fat and therefore cannot be attractive #which just makes me more angry!!!!!!!!!!! #how can i be completely indifferent to sex and attraction without seeming juvenile. i don't care so so much #but every time that sort of thing happens i feel like im 13 again and the hot jock is talking to me #i need to be put down. something's wrong with this one (me) #i realize i can't stop people from making sex or appearance jokes but god i wish i fucking could

[welcometogrouchland]

Darius 🤝 Willow

Beefing with the blights in complex, somewhat homoerotic ways

#ramblings of a lunatic #the owl house #willow park #darius deamonne #this has always been my vision of their dynamic/how they parallel each other #IF we are to believe the dana gallery nucleus art that positions them as parallels #it's like. if darius was confident and sunny and bright as a teen but had problems showing vulnerability #possibly afraid of losing status/respect #then that lack of vulnerability followed him into adulthood making him the aloof person we know today cause he never had his ftf breakdown #BUT ALSO. i think abt this too. blights are just like oops! I'm gonns give this person massive abandonment issues! #this will make me feel bad too!! i will suffer because of this but i don't know other ways to live!!! #(at least. that's how i envision the darius/alador breakup i know it's very vague in canon) #(but like. compare how happy they were as kids to how miserable they can both be as adults. they are worse off for this) #i think it'd be neat if willow was the person who nudged darius back towards alador #bc she knows what it's like being hung up on someone you're convinced hates you. it sucks!! #and she's so so forgiving as long as she feels like the person she's forgiving is actually going to put in effort to change #(hence how after Amity follows through on her promise from understanding willow to not let Boscha bully willow anymore- #-IN wing it like witches THEN we see amity get to be a part of the best friend montage. she followed through and that proves she's trying) #(and then obviously hunter stuck his neck out for them with nothing to gain after her hurt them and that showed her that he can learn- #-and change for the better and hence she gave him that opening if he wanted it) #(it's still his responsibility to be a good friend but she'll try if he will. willows forgiving but she's not a doormat) #(and i feel like she wants to know the ppl in her life see her as someone worth improving for bc of her self worth issues) #ANYWAY that was a long winded way of saying she'd have a valuable perspective to lend to darius who seems to be similar to her in many ways #anyway what if i cried abt them

[bylertruther]

not to be a person with a brain, but it's so insane to me that there are people that think a ship where X feels unloved and like Y thinks of her and looks at her like a monster, and where Y can't tell X that he loves her romantically until his best friend confesses his feelings under her name that are a 100% contradiction to the feelings X told him in their literal last conversation is, like... somehow healthy, compatible, and loving lol.

"you think i'm a monster" and "you're being ridiculous" omg 😍 relationship goals! Y gives X a speech where she can't respond whatsoever and tells her she's a superhero because all he knows about her is her powers not who she is as a person and X doesn't talk to him afterward and those shippers are like 🥰😍🥺🥳💘💞💕 just because they smiled at each other for two seconds before that. like. HUH?!?!

you like the ship where Y can't be emotionally available or intimate with X, his girlfriend that he's been with for over a year now btw, because he's too busy giving that to and receiving tht from his boy bestie? you like the ship where X lies to Y about everything in her life because she feels like he wouldn't like her if she didn't live up to the infallible superhero he views her as? the ship where they don't share similar interests or dreams? the ship where they've never once had a meaningful or real conversation? the ship where X describes Y as her first boyfriend and that Y describes as dumb luck (compared to his friendship with his boy bestie being the best thing he's ever done)? that's the ship you like and think is peak romance?! 🤨

#good luck 2 those ppl n their romantic endeavors bc if my partner treated me like tht they wouldn't be my partner lol #relationships should be abt trust friendship n shared interests/wants/goals #u should be with someone bc they make u and ur life better not bc u need them to survive #u should be with someone that makes u feel better abt urself not someone tht makes u feel like a loser #like. literally WHAT #i understand epic cringefail marriages like t0msh!v which are great bc they're both awful ppl n it's wonderful to watch them tear each #other down but milkvan are both good ppl ... who are hurting each other bc they're too afraid to be who they are / dont like who they are #or bc they simply don't know any better or differently bc they only came into this world like two years ago or whatever LOL #like. i just don't see the appeal at this point in the game when they literally are not happy #they had a sweet moment in the pizza shop bc they weren't under any romantic obligations #they were just being sweet to each other like normal friends #but when they have to be Boyfriend and Girlfriend that's when it all goes to shit canonically #like. just HUH !!!! #mine #anyway. back 2 studying if u see me here then beat me back with a broom or smth

[candlebel]

I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.

#I was interested. I wanted to get to know you. #I did not want validation. I only said it because you said it... I don't know why. I was susceptible. #I was blindly accepting certain things that you said about me. Judgement that you had for me. #I was under severe stress from my job at the time; while at the same time dealing with unresolved emotional trauma and very low self worth. #I was burnt out. Crushed... Completely. #I didn't want attention. I did not want you to cure my depression. I though I was just letting you know me. I wasn't aware I was oversharin #I tried... SO HARD to get over the things that triggered me and hurt me but I just couldn't... #I wanted to. I did everything in my might; I took it to therapy; I looked everywhere within me; to either get over it #or completely forget about you and stop caring at all; so things were ok and normal again; but it didn't go away... #to this day... #I just feel so... unsafe... at the idea of talking again #I know I wasn't the best listener and I profoundly regret that. #I was not only thinking about myself like you said and I was aware of the effort that other's put; but I was afraid/resistant to PRECISELY #that cause of past events with other people. Because in some I was the one putting that effort and ended badly for me. Looking back #that was inappropiate of you because you felt too comfortable generalizing my past relationships and why in your head they failed. #“I cant help but feel you are looking down on people who” Stay away from me if you ever make a stretch like this again. #By “experiment” I meant that you don't know how a relatioship with somebody is gonna turn out until you go and try. That's all I meant. #I didn't want things to turn out this way. I'm sorry they did. #The effort I put for you may have been shit to you. But to me it was a lot. And I'm done taking judgement. #Altho I love my friends I still keep distance. I still can't completely help that. I can go months not talking to my BF. #You were my BF during my teenage years. I remembered you fondly. I still do. #I don't feel ready to talk again having to keep to myself interest that I might have. Related to trauma. I do not feel comfortable with tha #No I do not look at your blogs. #The day I said I was abused I had a panic attack right after that. That's mainly why I had to cut contact: I didn't want another one. #I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you to not say “talk to the void” again. I didn't trust you to want to hear about it. I didnt feel #safe with you anymore. Event tho we ressumed contact I felt that way the entire time. #I wanted to answer all the questions you had; I really did; until I couldn't stand it anymore. #And the day I removed you from discord... I know you probably had an awful day that day... I'm so; so sorry... #I'd like to one day be completely unbothered by assumptions and stuff cuz I know it's not your fault... You went through stuff too... #vent

[croh3]

gonna vent a little in the tags don't mind me <3

#i feel like i'm a bad person for thinking this #but right now i'm not someone's most important person y'know #i don't exactly have anyone i feel comfortable with to talk to anytime about everything that comes to mind #i have my bestie of course but she's been spending time with her girlfriend a lot and i feel. idk. neglected? #and like... i love my other friends but i don't fully trust them with like sharing my hyperfixations or something like it #i know it's my fault for being so closed off #and i sometimes miss my ex because i was able to tell her everything and i knew she would listen #now i just don't feel important enough and it kinda sucks bc my bpd starts acting up #and i already tried talking to my bestie about my feeling of being neglected #but in the end i get it like. she has a girlfriend and her uni and she's busy #i simply don't feel like i deserve any attention at this point and i'm afraid if i keep this up she'll leave me #i'm not going to die if she leaves but it will hurt. a lot #ughhhhh idk i'm just sad and lonely and i want attention #vent #chr-txt

[bonerot19]

it's so hard to internalize the nuance of real people

#I mean people can hardly understand the nuance of fictional characters #it's just #I love my dad so much but I'll always be afraid of him #he's grown so much but I'll never trust him fully #sometimes he still does and says awful things but he brings me ginger ale when I don't feel good #it hurts it hurts it hurts #bones bitches