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caramsels · 8 months

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tell me more about this "mono isnt a human" theory thats really interesting

Thanks for asking! A few people have asked for my thoughts on Mono’s identity, and because I will take any opportunity to ramble about Little Nightmares, I wrote up my (hopefully intelligible) interpretation of Mono, and why I think he was always a Resident of The Nowhere, instead of a kidnapped human child like most of the LN kids. This theory is super connected to a few other ones I have, so I’ll rattle descriptions of them at the start for context. Also this post is insanely long I’m sorry

The Nowhere

The Nowhere is its own world that real children get kidnapped to, it feeds off of humanity and kinda functions like your local mall. A weird amount of emphasis is put on jobs in The Nowhere, Residents are often referred to solely by their job titles (The Janitor, The Doctor, The Teacher, etc. etc.)

Besides having a job in The Nowhere, a Resident's proximity to humanity seems to give them a higher status as well. In a LN1 interview, it was said that ALL residents wear masks (as opposed to just the Twin Chefs); we even see in LN2 that The Doctor makes and presumably sells these masks. A humanoid appearance is something that most Residents want. The more humanoid a Resident looks, the more powerful they are perceived to be (not always, because of The Ferryman, but he’s just chill like that.)

Kids and valuable teens/adults (like the circus performers and Otto from the podcast) feed The Nowhere kinda like how animals feed humans. Some Residents are given jobs to maintain this system. Some jobs require more power than others however, typically these are the jobs that require a Resident to keep control over an entire area, which leads me to…

The Cycle

The head honcho Residents like The Thin Man and The Lady are more humanoid and more powerful than the others, this is because they are handpicked and raised from birth to inherit these forms that are passed down over time. This one is super important to most of my points about Mono, so I’m going to spend some time defending it.

The Lady (prior to the Six stuff) had 4 predecessors, each represented by a different mask/hat that you can collect in VLN; This means that The Nowhere (at the time of the first loop in LN2) is on its 5th cycle. The Thin Man is also a mantle that is passed down, we see the previous one interact with Mono before Mono has even entered a time loop in the LN2 comics. This Thin Man, when datamined, notably wears a different hat than Mono’s iteration.

Furthermore, when asked if Thinny Lad is a mantle that is passed on or Mono in a timeloop in an interview, the devs had this to say:

The Pretender (VLN) is a good example of what I think Mono is supposed to be, and what the child forms of the 5th cycle Residents were. The Pretender is a humanoid child with supernatural powers and a strong sense of loneliness. She has her own mansion and Resident servants. The Pretender is the heir to a currently unknown position. She has a portrait of her and five past iterations on her wall, followed by another one of her and her two Resident parents. The Pretender is native to The Nowhere.

But… who is the boss of all the Residents? Who assigns these jobs? Who creates the natural Residents and brings others into The Nowhere?

The Eye

(you could argue its the ferryman but i think he works under the eye too. employee of the year)

I think most fans agree on this one so I won't spend too long on it, but basically I think the Eye is the unseen overall antagonist of Little Nightmares, overseeing everything and everyone in The Nowhere all the time. The Eye feeds off of misery and has a fate planned for everyone, it is not happy when anything throws a wrench into these plans. I don’t think we are meant to know The Eye’s motives, not yet at least, but if I had to guess; they have something to do with an extremely misguided and angry feeling of loneliness, as that is a prevalent theme in an insane amount of Residents. This finally brings me to Mono.

Mono’s Familiarity with The Nowhere

Mono is very familiar with Pale City, he is much more aware of his own fate, abilities, and world than he’s given credit for.

In the door/boat cutscene, Mono watches every TV in the water until it exits the frame. This early in the game, Mono already has an inherent connection to TVs.

Before Pale City comes into frame for both Six and the player, Mono is already standing, he is familiar enough with the route to Pale City that he knows they arrived without even having a clear view of their destination. This is because Mono has been to Pale City before, in the sixth episode of the LN2 comics:

In this comic, Mono met (and wasn't killed by) The Thin Man shown earlier. So to list off the amount of things Mono was already familiar with at the start of LN2: His connection to TVs, his connection to The Thin Man, and how to navigate Pale City. Mono having a lot of experience living in The Nowhere is demonstrated somewhere even more prominent too:

Kickass Character Design

Six’s character design intentionally makes her not fit in with her environment. While the color scheme of The Nowhere and its residents is mostly bland, monochrome, and washed out (sans the lighting), her jacket is highlighter yellow. This represents that Six does not belong in The Nowhere, she’s from the human world.

With this information to ride off of, Mono’s design becomes interesting. Mono’s design is a beige button up, tan trench-coat, and tan pants: A monochrome, muted outfit that fits in perfectly with the aesthetic of The Nowhere. Mono’s outfit including a key ring and a useful color scheme for camouflage further implies familiarity and experience with the way The Nowhere works. If Six’s simple, bright design represents her not belonging there, Mono’s muted, practical design represents the fact that he does.

His Mask

We actually know why Mono wears his mask, we have a direct answer:

You can interpret this as a representation of Mono being shy or insecure or a combination of multiple things, but I think it’s mainly meant to represent, as the description states: Mono hiding from The Nowhere, Mono running away from his fate. The Eye wants Mono to grow up and be the next Thin Man, but he doesn’t want to. Mono’s mask represents his fear, his refusal to use his Thin Man powers, his refusal to do anything that connects him to the world that hates him and wants him to fail; he wants to hide from that world, his future, and the reality of what he is. But ….

(straight up a post of Mono running from his fate)

Unexplained Powers

Mono’s OP reveal was the moment that shook me the most when I first watched my sister play the game; I’ve honestly always been shocked at how little it’s talked about in the community. To me, it was a reveal that told us we Did Not REALLY know much about the character we had been playing the entire time, and that was exciting.

When Mono fights the Thin Man and contorts the structure of Pale City, it is with ease. This is not his first time doing any of this, his body language does not match that of someone who just discovered/unlocked a new ability, him busting out the moves is framed more like a choice that he decided on just before removing his mask. The Thin Man boss battle is easy on purpose; because it's not too hard for Mono in universe, all he does after is wipe off his head nonchalantly and then he proceeds to warp reality. The ominous boss theme that plays during this fight isn’t even for the Thin Man, its MONO’S boss music. The Thin Man is the one who helps control The Signal Tower’s influence, Mono is the one interfering with it, he is the “Signal Interference.” The theme continues even after he’s defeated The Thin Man, further hammering in that it is his.

Mono has his own ominously powerful boss theme and the abilities of one of the most powerful Residents at his disposal; he is not a normal kid.

Mono even shares a power with the established Resident heir that we already know; The Pretender.

When The Pretender sees RCG eavesdropping on her crying, she yells so loud that it physically hurts RCG, causing the screen to glitch. I don’t think this is just a visual effect to show how loud it is to the player; I think this is an in universe ability. You know where else we see a powerful child amplify their voice on purpose to harm an enemy with a screen glitch/distortion effect? Mono in Chapter 5.

Mono and the fifth Thin Man

I think that Mono ran away from wherever it is he’s supposed to be, (probably the Signal Tower) and The Eye/ Thin Man want him back; this is why Mono is not killed by The Thin Man in the comic, just pursued by him

Loneliness

I don’t think I even really need to dissect how loneliness relates to Mono’s character, but he’s not the only character who deals with it. A huge recurrent theme with Residents is loneliness; the sense that they need something, they are missing something. The Lady has a bunch of dolls, The Janitor has.. a bunch of dolls in his own way. The Hunter too. The Pretender runs off to cry when her human doll friend gets messed up at her dinner party. The Resident we meet in Chapter 3 of the podcast is the most direct example so far of intense loneliness in a Resident, and not so coincidentally, it has a ton of parallels to Mono.

Narrative

For the rest of this post, I’m going to focus on how I think this theory fits into the story; because I think factoring in the cutscenes and storytelling beats is important when putting together something’s lore.

A little chatter about Mono

Mono is often characterized as a shy little boy who plays the straight man to Six’s feral goblin who loves eating rats, which is a whole other can of worms, but with this characterization I feel like some fun and interesting parts of his character are neglected, such as: The fact that Mono is an ominous little weirdo. His attempt at trying to save and comfort someone is to hack down her door with an ax with no warning, then proceed to chase her through the house she’s been trapped in; Mono is not too familiar with human interaction. Mono isn’t really a dashing hero who tries to save every kid he comes across either. In the comics, Mono finds an area that is away from the monster killing all the kids, but it’s not like he tells the other kids or tries to bring them with him or anything. I don’t think that this means he is a toxic manipulative character or anything because he is. 9 or 10 years old. I think if anything, this is a trait that experienced characters in The Nowhere have: RCG and Mono both know that indifference is the way to survive in The Nowhere, good deeds usually get you killed. It’s the way things are. I think overall Mono is a well meaning boy who just talks and acts ominously, because that’s what he is used to; he’s an eldritch overpowered being who lives in hell if it had a 1940s aesthetic.

I think that Mono doesn’t start the game a sweet perfect little boy whose ending is sad because he gets betrayed, that’s not a character arc. I think Mono starts off relatively morally gray out of necessity, mostly helping Six out because it was kinda his fault she got captured. He develops into someone who is willing to fight his fate, fight the Nowhere and stop resorting to the escapism his mask provides, only to get crushed to rock bottom in spite of his growth. After all, the villain of Little Nightmares is The Nowhere itself.

How this creates character conflict in the plot

Anytime Mono goes into a weird TV trance, Six is horrified. Her body language tenses and she moves away from him. Six has seen first hand that even the kids like her in The Nowhere cannot always be trusted or relied on (RCG shutting the door on her). Some kids like the Pretender aren't even normal kids, they have powers they use to kill people. The one person Six is starting to trust, and he’s showing signs of possessing supernatural powers? Terrifying. Mono notices these reactions, they give him more cause to hide what he truly is from her. Residents scare and disgust Six, he doesn’t want to lose the only person he has.

This conflict leads me to another point; you know those moments of Six being sadistic and angry towards Residents? How an ominous music cue plays when she kills the bully and breaks the mannequin’s fingers? Earlier in the game, when Six first catches Mono, his part of Togetherness II plays briefly to show his feelings in that moment, which implies that the music cues we hear when a story beat happens are Mono’s reactions. I don’t think these scary music cues are because Mono is scared of Six being creepy, Mono himself likes to beat up Residents. I think that Mono is scared in these moments when he sees the extent of Six’s hatred towards Residents, because even though he doesn’t like them either… Imagine how she’d react if she knew about him.

It is only the Thin Man fight when Mono is finally pushed to the point of using his powers, because in the plan to get Mono to the Signal Tower: The Thin Man took Six as bait. Six was constantly pulling Mono out of his TV trances, Six was supposed to die back at The Nest, Six has been a problem for the Eye since the start and now it’s time to kill two birds with one stone, to sentence Six to her new fate and to crush Mono’s spirit so hard that he finally resigns to his.

The drop is its whole own debate, but whatever you think about it, I think at least one factor in Six’s decision is that from her perspective: Mono has revealed himself to be an entity she cannot trust, he didn't tell her either; he's been hiding it this entire time. Why didn’t he use this power to help them all the previous times they were in danger? What are his motives? What IS he? This, mixed with other factors, causes the drop. (a lot of manipulation on the part of The Nowhere is involved too imo but this isn't a Drop analysis)

Mono is crushed, he loses Six and any true feeling of empowerment that he had before. Rather than The Eye trapping him in the Signal Tower and forcibly transforming him into a resident, I think Mono actually accepts his fate because hes just. That depressed. He actually ages pretty normally for most of the sequence (except for being straight up like 12 feet tall, the podcast confirmed that Residents are just super super big as opposed to the kids being really small, bros got Resident genes) This sequence from the art book leads me to think that Mono knows what the hat entails, Mono chooses to run the Signal Tower like The Lady runs The Maw. The chair sequence is not actually him sitting in a chair for that long, I think it just represents his resignation more than anything.

BUT! Mono is an “uncommonly single minded boy,” who also has control over time, i.e. Mono Thin Man slowing down time in his chase just to fuck with you or the clock sounds in The End of The Hall. Whether you think he goes back for revenge or to stop the downfall of everything, he goes back in time. I think it's on purpose, I think every TV in the background of the first scene implies that Mono has gone back to this point in time over and over again, failing repeatedly, leaving a new TV behind and forgetting the past attempt each time.

This could all be wrong, maybe Mono is just a really badass 4th grader from the human realm who got his abilities like Six, just off screen. But one thing I love about LN is all of the different, creative and interesting interpretations of the fans. So here’s mine regarding Mono lore. Sorry this was so long and I write posts weirdly it is 4 AM. I hope you enjoyed

#little nightmares #little nightmares 2 #mono ln #six ln #little nightmares theory #i meant it when i said i could talk forever abt this franchise. the floodgates were unleashed #sorry i don’t usually post theories so i know this isn’t like #super polished game theory levels of organized at all #but little ominous eldritch being mono means a lot to me #some of the achievement names are in first person and it’s so funny like he words shit like dracula #the achievement for holding hands with six for six minutes is #in the palm of my hand #what an ominous way to refer to hand holding #love u lil weirdo

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sanchoyo · 4 months

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haven’t been on much bc my dog has been sick :( between seizures and an infected tooth we’ve been having a Time trying to get everything fixed (this started around the holidays so our vet has been very booked up…we have been like 3-4 times in the past 4-5 weeks OTL does not help it’s like an hour drive there, so that’s been exhausting) now his new seizure meds are making him sick (was hoping it was like, just an adjustment period thing but he’s been sick for a week and having concerning symptoms…) if I’m not on a ton or slow to replying to messages it’s bc I’m working as much overtime as my job will give me bc Vet Expensive and mentally drained obvi 😞

#it makes me a lil mad his meds were kinda pricy and they literally are making things worse. like sure he isn’t have seizures but he can #barely walk and keeps running into things and keeps having diarrhea so like. 🙃 and the meds are making him sooo hungry and thirsty #I’m seeing the vet AGAIN FRIDAY I know she’s so sick of me but man my little guy. if she can’t figure out a combo that doesn’t have such #bad side effects I’m literally going to scream and cry #he’s the most sensitive boy in the world and my mental health hangs on his and my cats well being. please. 😭#sanchoyorambles #I’ve also called them like twice to find out if I should stop or what they want me to do and keep getting ‘oh they’ll call u back’ WHEN #GIRL MY PUBBY #if I don’t hear back before his next dose I’m just gonna make an executive decision myself to stop them for now #he’s literally on the smallest possible dose too bc he’s so little. so. they can’t go down in dosage they’ll need to put him on smth else 😑#which means paying for ANOTHER PRESCRIPTION A WEEK AFTER ALREASY GETTING ONE THAT WAS $30 ON TOP OF HIS STUPID VET BILL #screaming.#and like if I have the money it’s fine. and it’s not like the vet could’ve known he’d have bad side effects #im just frustrated it’s no one’s fault #I could go to a closer vet. the thing is I LIKE the one further away #they have the only groomer I’ve found that can trim him without sedating him! they send me reminders abt his shots! I like the vibes!!!#they seem caring!! but they are always SOOO BUSY it takes forever to make appointments or to hear back from them 😭#remember how I said one of my goals was to buy a vechicle this year lmao the vet bills are draining any savings I’ve managed to build up 🤧#my pets are priority 1 tho like even before all the medical stuff /I/ need like lol… that’s my baby #it’s just really bad timing. not that there’s good timing for medical issues but. u know

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teruthecreator · 1 year

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1 AM and the servers asleep so i’m just gonna post my thoughts on here but i think it’s rlly so important and poignant how sho extends an olive branch to his father after everything that happened, when he absolutely would’ve been justified in spitting in toichiro’s face and walking out of his life forever (similarly to what toichiro did to him, metaphorically at least). and that decision that he makes is one that cements how mature and understanding sho is despite his antics and attitude.

like, he’s a kid, and he’s a kid that experienced massive amounts of abuse and trauma in his formative years. we will truly never know how he was raised whilst working in claw, but seeing how pretty much everyone else was manipulated, brainwashed, and tortured into reaching their full potential—the assumption can be made that it wasn’t easy. and sho’s father is Directly responsible for that, meaning he’s Directly responsible for any mistreatment or neglect sho faced even if it wasn’t done by him directly. and any kid at his age with all that baggage probably wouldn’t want to keep their dad around, after everything has finally been resolved. but sho doesn’t do that; he reminds toichiro that he’s still gotta hear an earful from his ex wife, and sho is ensuring that this won’t be the end. he is offering his father a kindness that that man never gave to him. and that’s like. Astounding for a kid his age

i think it’s really easy for people to place sho firmly in the trope of like silly, goofy kid with an insane side; but sho has one of the most level heads out of the esper teens. it’s kind of like he got a lot of that emotional turbulence out of the way beforehand, and now is just centering his focus on this one goal. of course, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t do stupid shit based on bad trains of thought (the whole concept of him trying to resist the narrative only to become more ingrained in it is like. right there. also the hero trope shit y’all have seen the essay posts i’m not reiterating). but sho is a lot more sure of what he’s doing and what he wants than ritsu, mob, or teru.

also it’s just like. the fact that he gives his father a second chance really drives home the message of the entire series. that people can make mistakes, but those mistakes do not have to define their whole existence if they’re willing to own up to them and change. sho is extending himself in much the same way mob extended himself to toichiro hours earlier, only this time there’s the weight of this probably not being the first time sho has given his father a second chance and yet he Still does it. and toichiro realizing that he could’ve squandered that chance during confession arc is SO GOOD like you see how sho is conflicted and hurt bc he’s essentially being let down once again, and so toichiro walks back. he won’t let his son’s trust be given in vain

the suzukis rival the kageyamas in terms of like. accurate familial representation. like if you eliminate all of the psychic terrorism bullshit, this is a broken family—further broken by a messy divorce—trying to navigate life post-everything. there is no expectation for sho to forgive his father (he doesn’t do that at any point and That Is Important), and there’s no expectation for him to do anything with his father At All. toichiro understands that he is deserving of no one’s kindness.

yet sho does it anyway. he does it because he wants to and because he cares. and that’s far more than toichiro could’ve ever asked for

#ignorance cloud on #mp100 #um uhhhhh um. looks around. hey who’s getting too emotional abt the suzukis over here?#maybe this is bc im in the awkward process of trying to figure out whether i wanna cut my parents off for good but like. their relationship #means a lot to me and sho is such an interesting character bc of how he navigates this #like sho is well within his rights to never talk to his dad again. but that’s not what he does! he reaches out! he wants this!#like i don’t rlly believe in the concept of like a ‘redemption arc’ bc i think it allows people to like sweep #heinous bullshit under the rug. i more believe in just the concept of growth and like. moving forward #toichiro and sho never ignore what happened. the abuse and the trauma is all there. sho makes no efforts in trying to distract from that #toichiro never apologizes and sho never forgives bc they both know it’d be a moot point #but working beyond that together and like. rediscovering the meaning of family is just OGH #the kageyama parents don’t interact w their kids enough for us to get any good parental child dynamics #but the suzukis make up for that tenfold. shouts out. love them. okay uh i’ve been typing for thirty minutes #bed time forever now #sorry if this is incoherent hvjdnnfjvnf

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doyeons · 1 month

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i think maybe there’s a bit of misery swirling around in me

#bella.txt #like.. idk no one i talk to here besides classmates who r younger than me and i don’t spend time w/ them outside of class #and like in my head i’m like ‘i wanna go home’ but then j go home and my loved ones r all spread out #i either see my parents + hazel but im isolated from everyone else #or i go where i can see my friends and do more but i have to be in my sister’s space which is suffocating 😭#um not to mention my childhood dog is dead and i feel her absence all over again when i think abt going home #i hate to be overly dramatic but i rly miss her i can’t believe such a big piece of my life is gone forever #like we got her ashes back while i was home and i was just holding the box like. wtf do u mean my babygirl is in here.#i just UGHHHH i feel weird and impermanent rn. i don’t have a place i belong

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seventh-district · 2 months

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i’m not like other girls, my “Rest” stats are a heart rate of 110bpm and a HRV of 14 fucking milliseconds. :)

#Seven’s Public Diary #vent #vent post #cw vent #cw vent post #cw health #cw heart #i’m so stressed :) i am soooo fucking stressed and my body is Suffering because of it #i want to just lay here and stare at the ceiling but. maybe a little venting will help #sighhhh wish [N]MbD Sun were here to obsessively fret over me #he can be mean about it idc. at least i’d have someone acknowledging how bad things are for me #sometimes i wonder when the last time was that my body Wasn’t in fight or flight to some degree #have i Ever actually relaxed #hhhhhhh c-ptsd is a bitch #anyways there’s so much to vent about but i’m. doing my best to be vague. i need to be more vague about things #a lot of stuff i can’t vent about anyways. it’s too personal #so instead i’m gonna complain abt how i haven’t been able to play Genshin or Star Rail for nearly a month now #and about how slowly my back is recovering. it’s like every time i re-injure/have a flare up. it heals.. worse. slower and lesser #i dunno how it’s ever gonna get better. truly better. maybe i’ll live with this forever #if being fat is the problem which is definitely partly is. then yeah i’m fucked #all of my problems just make each other worse and i don’t know where the way out of it all is #every time i think i’ve found it i’m wrong and i just make it all worse #anyways as soon as i figure out how to strengthen my core without breaking my back. it’s over for u bitches #‘u bitches’ being uh. all of the shit that needs doing that i cannot physically fucking do right now #i miss being able to sit down. and i’m Regretting de-converting my standing desk back to sitting bc now. i cannot use my PC #which means i can’t fucking do a some of my work or play my silly little gacha games and i’m mad abt it #i’m mad abt a lot more serious things too but again. can’t talk abt it so i’m gonna focus on trivial shit instead #anyways. sorry as always to everyone i haven’t spoken with lately. and in general. i’m so drained from the Everything that i just. can’t.#it shouldn’t be this hard for me to stay in touch w ppl but. it is. guess i’ll add that onto my list of things to be stressed about #i’m so tired of everything man. and i hate being so negative and mean when im stressed & in pain. makes me feel like im becoming my father

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bo0zey · 1 year

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anyone else ever get in those silly goofy moods where u just hate urself sooo much that u instantly feel physically almost violently ill just thinking abt urself and also even tho u worked a 12hr shift w no breaks or water running off of the 2 cups of coffee u had for breakfast 20 hours ago, the thought of eating instantly sends bouts of nausea coursing thru ur soul while churning in ur stomach bc ur brain hates u so much that its convinced ur body that u don’t deserve sustenance or anything else that’s life sustaining or promotes ur physical well being because u subconsciously convinced urself that ur such a shit excuse for a human being that u neither deserve nor have any right to anything regarding maslow’s hierarchy of needs bc u r such an awful thing u deserve to be neglected n treated like the nonliving object ur own brain sees ur living body as or am i just mentally ill lol

#laying in bed everytime i think abt myself i feel literally nauseated n like it’s so weird #this feeling comes in waves intermittently just even .01 sec of ‘hm i’m hungry’ FFFFFNOPE HRRGRHFFF VOMITTY #i want to curl up in a ball and die forever i don’t care about me i don’t want to take care of me anymore i’m not even good at it #whyyyyyyyy did i stop taking my meddsssssss i guarantee y’all this is why i’m being such a crybaby on the dash lmaoooo #i have a headache i’m def dehydrated from crying n sniveling n barely drinking any water today while sweating like a mf at work #imma go to bed 🛌 if i don’t wake up i will be soooo pleasantly surprised y’all have no idea FINGERS CROSSED🤞#real talk tho can someone tell me why my body is literally reacting this way for like no real reason #like am i truly that disgusted with myself i make myself nauseous just thinking abt me #ok yeah the answer is yes lol BUT LIKE WHY THATS SUCH A DRAMATIC BODILY RESPONSE TO MY BRAINS DUMBASS THOUGHTS???#ik the body and mind have a super powerful link n the brain influences the body like crazy but like #why this why does my brain literally want me to berate and degrade myself and isolate me and make me cry alone n starve me that’s so mean #i’m not starving btw i’m literally always eating just these past 2 days i’ve been such a fuckup my body won’t let me do anything #i had a chocolate poptart for dinner last night (thurs) n threw myself to bed #i hope i don’t end up hurting myself that would be so lame #i literally don’t have time for that like i am Not doing wound care duty off the clock for my damn self lol #also don’t want to take care of myself so i wouldn’t bandage myself up properly sooo yeah i’m not gonna do anything actually #cleaning ur wounds r super important ok yall ur literally playing god if u don’t do good aftercare snfjfbdj #i can’t believe i’m in this nasty ugly depressive episode i hate this so much i don’t have time for this i hate this cycle #i hate being bipolar 2 n my moods n meds have been so fkcdd up lately that i don’t even have the rlly fun hypomanic episodes anymore #i’ve just been constantly having mixed episodes im unbearable to be around im so sorry for everyone that’s ever spoken to me im insufferable #ok that’s enough im done being dramatic lmao #im gonna give myself a bolus PRN dose of clonnie then i’m going tf to bed #ramblings #shut up cianna

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chryzure · 2 months

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shoutout to the time i was opening my mouth to describe a book as relatively low-stakes and fun, JUST in time for my therapist to call it “dark” and “gripping”. oh. well. okay.

#memorie.txt #she’s probably right in a relative sense #but i’m used to reading p intense horror and mystery novels where shit goes So sideways #whereas in the book we were discussing i had 0 fears any characters would fall short of their goals #i knew everything would work out for them!#i also have some complaints wrt the author and how she plots things #but anyway… same feeling as the time my friend pointed at a book and i was literally ABT to say ‘oh that was Perfectly Meh’#and she blurted ‘I LOVE IT ISNT IT SO MAGICAL’#i simply don’t have the heart to be mean abt books my friends like. even if i wasn’t totally impressed by them #but idk maybe that’s too nice of me? because i’ve had multiple friends be blunt and say they hated things i loved #after asking me to recommend books to them.#it’s honestly why now i refuse to recommend books to ppl because so many friends have said the book sucked to my face #like ok. why are you saying that in That way to the person who recommended it out of love.#NOT the same as saying it’s not your speed btw 😭 that makes sense #but ppl have vehemently declared hatred and i always feel like that img of an ant holding a bundle over their shoulder #like oh… okay….. goodbye forever ig…

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pepprs · 1 year

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hm. i think i am going to stop going to counseling. he does not understand me. he pathologizes things that are not pathological.

#purrs #the premises of counseling / therapy are that you need to have boundaries and be self sufficient and fully healed. FUCK THAT! relationships #are not transactions. we are allowed to need each other. we are allowed to blur lines. we are human and messy. our thoughts and feelings are #PRECIOUS. im not letting go of my thoughts they mean EVERYTHING to me they are the key to the WORLD. im not letting go of redacted why on #EARTH would i stop redacteding to redacted that is HELPFUL for me. i don’t CARE about the roots. who the fuck is it hurting????? NO ONE!!!!!#the way he flat out told me he agrees with my mom. bitch im done forever. im done literaly forever. i don’t know how to tell him but im done #forever. maybe it’s just my id which is what he said to me LMFAO and like maybe i just don’t like being uncomfortable or facing hard truths.#but i don’t fucking think it’s TRUE!!!!!!!!!! yeah i need to grow yeah i have unhealthy behaviors. but i don’t need to let go of the whole #THING bc of some arbitrary transactional concept of what relationships are supposed to be / mean. ive NEVER had a counselor try to uproot th #the whole damn thing like omg what is WRONG with you. i #im paying this man $25 a week to UNDERSTAND me and not ONCE have i felt understood by him. counselors can disagree with me but i literally #never feel like he is on my side. he’s adhering to conventional ideas about what parents are supposed to be and friends are supposed to be a #and work is supposed to be etc etc. and so patronizingly said just enjoy being 23 you don’t wanna waste your 20s! FUCK YOU. i will not #regret anything even if it’s unusual. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!#and also i know he probably watches back thru the recordings and has like his supervisor and professors watch them too which means that #there is a whole team of scientists + my family studying me in a lab and thinking im insane and finding ways to tell me. but fucking bold of #him to assume he can give me any meaningful valuable insight when he is actively checking his laptop / phone during our sessions and rarely #if eve gives me a chance to drive MY OWN CONVERSATION THAT IM PAYING FOR and is so phony abt being on the recording. like Omg. maybe im just #grown out of it. it fucking SUCKS bc i actually have things i am not normal about and really need help with and i can’t actually get help fr #from ppl whose job it is to fucking help me bc they think im not normal about things i PROMISEEEE i am normal about. and the way i effective #effectively told him that and he responded that he can’t take that credibly bc there’s no action behind it BY WHICH HE MEANS I HAVENT #STOPPED REDACTEDING TO ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT REDACTED IN MY WHOLE LIFE? THAT I HAVENT DECIDED IM DONE LEARNING SND GROWING AND CUT IT #OFF?????? DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF. INSANE. the ANTITHESIS of human. we are MEANT TO BE CONNECTED. FUCK!!!!!!!!!#delete later #my old counselors challenged me and disagreed with me b it i never felt like they flat out were unwilling to meet me where i am and #compromise with me. is that not what counselors are supposed to do???? or have i just had bad counselors until now??? because im NORMAL. i #swear to fucking god. im normal. im literally normal and it is not doing ANYONE harm. what is wrong with you. GOD

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junkyardromeo · 4 months

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this is somethin awful to look at

#duality of man. i need to write a post abt southern imagery in glam metal but not tn #but there is smth there. the thing w the stars n bars n the way that u see it for no fuckin good reason on cali bands #anyways. duality. im mad that country is that close to glam metal tho how tf did that happen . nothin in that folder existed til october #n i been buildin the glam folder for YEARS #i got some kinda awful dixiana dirt thing happenin to me #there is. so much to unpack here #the thing abt dixie is that it will have a hold on u forever no matter how bad u run away from it #n the thing abt cali is that it calls in the night n u know damn well u wouldn’t make it a fuckin day there #n the thing abt sad blonde southern prettyboys with guitars is that they ain’t got no damn sense #n they ain’t gonna be happy nowhere because there ain’t nowhere cut out for em n there never rly was #so they’re chasin skirts in some old relic of the classy south n dreamin of broadway lights #n gettin their hands n hearts dirty with sins they ain’t got the means to pay off now or in the next life #n makin 3am cigarette runs when they know damn well they swore off that shit #but it don’t rly matter none cuz they ain’t gonna live long enough to see them broadway lights or then sunset lights anyways #i can tell y’all somethin about all that cuz im livin it four on the floor every damn day #the grass is greener bout everywhere but ain’t none of it real except wherever you’re runnin from #n the thing about runnin is once you do it you can’t never really look back #sure. look in the rearview. ain’t the same as you remember is it?#one thing i done learned is that life’s a lot like drivin #n it ain’t no coincidence that i tore the side mirror off my shitbox a couple years ago n cracked the rearview on new years eve #like some kinda fucked up angels sayin son don’t look behind you #some kinda fucked up angels sayin boy quit lookin back or you’re gonna crash #so what’s it gonna be? slow down or don’t look back? y’all fuckers ain’t got no consensus or else im hearin things #ain’t gettin no straight answers #could be that i got the devil down here in dixie tellin me shit that ain’t true n i got them angels of god cornerin me in music stores #sayin shit i weren’t ready to hear #so what’s it gonna be? hoss whisperin in my ear or curtis lowe on devine street?#or durango on my left shoulder?#n i know damn well ain’t none of em wrong #but i ain’t gettin no answers tonight neither way so i’ll take another smoke n think it over

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the-casbah-way · 1 year

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if you’ve ever been nice about my art i need you to know how much it means to me i remember every compliment i get on my art and i think about them literally all the time

#like i’m not kidding i remember every nice thing anyone’s said abt my art bc i’m not an Artist and don’t have a big following for art #so when someone says something nice it sticks w me forever #and i don’t usually have a way to reply directly bc it’s often in the tags of my posts that ppl say it #but. it means everything to me. it’s one of my favourite hobbies and it’s so fun to share it so when ppl like it it’s cool

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ch3rry-lips · 6 months

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AND THIS SURPRISED NOBODY 🗣️🗣️🗣️

if u see this, rb with yours! (if you use spotify)

#ty for helping me through hard times this year lovejoy and wilbur #ty for giving me the space i needed to be sad olivia and wilbur #ty for giving me music that will hold a forever special place in my heart wilbur and lovejoy #ty for music that gets me energized when i feel like total garbage olivia and lovejoy #ty for helping me thru history class and long road trips lin-manuel miranda/leslie odom jr./hamilton cast #honorable mention time!#ty to laufey for giving me love songs that aren’t wildly upbeat #ty to ariana grande for helping familiarize me with self-confidence #ty to MARINA for general bops #ty to girl in red for making sapphic music #ty to arctic monkeys for making banger music with amazing lyrics that just sounds great #ty to melanie martinez for letting me know that my feelings are felt by others and shining light on sensitive topics in the form of music #ty to beach bunny for great music in general i could talk endlessly abt a select few of their songs #ty to lyn lapid for making music that i just generally love #ty to lyn lapid for letting me see myself ( a filipino girl) in the music industry making music i would like #ty to the heathers cast for giving me amazing music about teenage murder #ty to the mean girls cast for turning one of my favorite movies into a musical masterpiece #ty to the legally blonde cast for performing absolute BANGERS while dancing???#ty to all the fnaf fan music artists y’all did amazing i swear #ty to taylor swift too! i don’t listen to much but the ones i do are great #spotify #spotify wrapped

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uniiiquehecrt · 2 months

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It’s a sad day when you want you favorite character to just die already 😔

#(was talking to a new friend who likes ant man abt the future of the mcu)#(had to refrain from flat out saying I don’t want Thor to bother to show up)#(😞 I want him to be happy but I’m so tired of the butchering of his fam)#(like hey at least fosterson has a genuine chance at recovery)#(but for me personally that’s not enough for me :’D because I know they’re gonnna pull some crap with TVA!loki like that’s Thor’s Loki)#(he’s not. and I’m forever going to be in shambles about thor and his fate if he doesn’t get BOTH of his important special people back)#(and that basically means I am in particular: doomed)#(I don’t expect everyone to agree with me on that esp bc the loki fandom sucks eggs)#(but they’re siblings and I love them and I love how Thor loves him and it makes me go insane ok)#(😩 I want Thor and Jane and Thor and Loki is that so much to ask???? he answer is yes and I hate it here)#&&. whispers #&&. thor.#&&. | marvel. |

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hdmiports · 6 months

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i’m going to jump out a window why does the modular stuff always bug my game

#hdmiports #this is how i feel #the book nook and dhd shelves are abt to piss me AWF #and then BE takes forever to scan my 7 million item mods folder and i can’t do anything 😭#and it’s always a slot component error and i don’t know what i’m gods name that means

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crossbackpoke-check · 1 year

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"This extra space next to me belongs to you. I know where I end now. I won't get lost." -- shoot me (metaphorically) and leave me for dead (metaphorically) why won't you. To make this about Dylan and maybe it's about Connor, maybe it's about Brinksy, maybe it's about any journeyman in the NHL. My brain screamed Chris Driedger and his memorable (to me) Players' Tribune article:

And how can you mention Dylan and Zach (Za-ach, the way Dylan says it) without me having a breakdown about them? You simply can't. And for the younger dudes, maybe it's a little Bords/Briss, not yet steady in The Show, a little bit of distance, a summer that tries to erase and make up all the memories they've made separately... and then a blurry insta story in Vegas. Just like old times but somewhere else. Maybe it's not the same bed, maybe it's not the same set of forks, but maybe it's the principle of the thing.

Anyway, goodbye. Sorry for this, your tag walls make me break out in imagined scenarios.

Much love. xxx

please never be sorry for sending me messages <3 i love reading them i love getting them i think they’re beautiful and i love them i’m!!!!! [🥹💕🦋🫧✨💘😭 <- the best approximation of what my heart is doing]

ok NOW i am taking this step by step because every narrative here kicked me straight in the knees (metaphorically) i am w e e p i n g (literally): i knew tangentially about chris driedger going to seattle but i had never read his players’ tribune love letter to seattle & all i can say is oh. oh. and with the part about trains delayed but still being right on time—

sometimes a dream is a truth your heart knows long before you do. the space that the city and the team made for him (“you’d be the only guy on the team”)🗣️🗣️🗣️ !!! but the way that chris talks about needing to put in the work & leo not letting him quit,,, that’s chris filling up the teakettle with twice as much water, crowding one side of the bed (falling asleep against a bus window dreaming), becoming unburdened by the idea of not being their guy, not having the fallback being their draft pick to content and settle himself with. that’s chris betting on a future. that’s the train coming down the tracks, right on time.

(i am feeling unhinged about it)

SECOND. i know i was the one that said zach and dylan to start so technically i brought this on myself but also i have been ktfo by the mere mention of the way that dylan says zach’s name different from everyone else, stealing an extra breath, stealing as much time as he can get with him, which reminded me of a poem i just read:

The Need Is So Great, Jim Moore

^^^dylan still in love with zach even as he’s leaving, can feel himself losing him, and taking every sliver of the love in his smile that he can get. even if he knows zach doesn’t still feel the same way he’s drawing out the long goodbye & saying i love you in a thousand ways without ever saying it out loud (“i have been asking for a time but in ways that have no words” because he doesn’t want to ask too much, to ask for love) in the hope that zach will say it back OKAY I’M LEAVING i can’t do this

that was a lie because THREE. “maybe it’s the principle of the thing” please insert the most ungodly screech how could you just (lovingly) come in straight with the steel chair and bean me upside the head with that l i n e i think this story has the potential for such tragedy in it but also the most tender domestic longing because bords & briss have known each other for a long time (i think) and guys do sometimes lose themselves when they first get to the nhl.

it’s a big scene, you’re with big name guys, you’re finally doing the thing you always dreamed about, you’re no longer necessarily the best because everyone’s the best, you’re not sure how you fit in, you can get lost in the glitz and the glamor of it but you can also literally get lost in it, the slog of the season and getting caught up and down between teams and leagues and endless airports and buses and travel and ice rinks, losing your phone (accidental) and having new people hound you for quotes and fame and connection so you lose your phone (on purpose) and i think where i’m trying to go is: this could play out as the tragedy of borde going to the california coastline and briss shipping off to the vegas strip and both of them getting a little lost.

maybe there’s someone else, maybe i am steadfastly not thinking about “a summer that tries to erase and make up all the memories they've made separately” as either a summer of them pretending things are ok after a year of barely speaking and now being completely different people they never were before OR a summer of them trying to pretend like they can forget about each other because maybe they didn’t think their relationship was the same thing, is all, when they were or weren’t together. maybe it’s nobody’s fault but for the fact that they were scared and tired and lonely trying to make it in the big times and didn’t know how to show it. and then borde shows up with takeout and plastic forks in vegas and it’s december and nothing like winter in ann arbor and still they fill up all the empty spaces in each other with the things they didn’t know they’d miss until they were gone and this is the real thing, not whatever they were trying too hard to be, to recreate their own nostalgia for the love in their memories. it’s the principle of the thing, is all, to always be true to the love they have right now & not what they think it should be.

sorry that i wrote you kind of an essay of an answer but i had so so so many thoughts because your ask was so lovely so thank you for sending it to me (you are always welcome to!! i love your imagined scenarios!!! cannot even explain how much!!!) & thank you for taking the time to read my walls of tags :))) <3

#liv in the replies #every time you send me a message i do the thing where i’ve got heart emojis for thumbs & cease any coherency #FIRSTLY chris driedger who i loved as seattle’s goalie without even knowing the story:#dreidger fourth layer of a dream is making me tear up AGAIN hours later as i try to write this the echl the coast easy come hard to leave &#when he talks about being somebody’s guy laying my head down in the bog & dragging my hands over my face chris who let you say that. who let #u break my HEART i truly don’t think i will ever recover from the inception reference bc that’s what they all talk abt u know? the nhl dream #the players’ tribune articles are often some of the most poetic & touching sports writing & every time i am reminded i lose my shit about it #SECONDLY:#the ever present spectre of dylan’s first boyfriend zach werenski #i have so so so many quotes? drafts? posts? about the thing with saying someone’s name to call them closer to you i say your name to speak #more of you into the world so i will possibly look for some of those to say what i mean but also: this poem was originally reminiscent of #willingly by tess gallagher which is my ajax jack / superbuddies poem & this specifically did go with the a drop of paint / the light has #fallen through you part of it but there’s a part of THIS poem which i did not include that talks about the late light / has already happened #will go on happening forever & that whole poem with this now to say i know it’s embarrassing i’m asking for it :: easy to write about light #like falling asleep on the couch & having to carry yourself up to bed is the dylan/zach heartbreak of this. waiting & waiting for the things #you used to do & the love you used to / were promised to have with the hope that if you keep the coffee ready he’ll come drink it & instead #you have too many cups of tea one yours & one cold then half-warmed over & too sweet for your tastes but you’ve learned to drink it anyway #okAY now third:#this w/the UMICH BOYS? N O I DIDN’T EVEN!!! NOT A THOUGHT IN MY BRAIN!!! & now i can’t stop thinking!!! & i had an entire PLAYLIST already #a ??? while ago before i even truly knew the umich boys Narratives™️ i heard maude latour’s song ‘one more weekend’ & went hahaha isn’t that #a great song for when you have that One Summer of college before everyone splits off into their own lives? isn’t that a fun little umich boy #going into the nhl narrative?? to which i said NO but then it spiraled into a playlist &now there is delightful heartbreak to go with vibes #umich scholars please feel free to correct me if i’m wrong on any points i can’t remember anything presently about anything #also the f a c t that that vegas picture is real and i know exactly what you’re talking about is making me %^•*]+£’ bc how!! is that real!!!#okay ALSO just throwing in brinksy like a casual AHAHA have brainworm for a year (my autocorrect tried to go bringst like angst which. lmao)#connor and dylan… all of my journeymen… we did not touch that because i WILL start yelling about sam gagner and marc staal and #the chrysalis and the caterpillar

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