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captainsleepy111 · 1 year

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Ramble/rant below (nothing bad but if you don’t want to deal with me having a crush for the first time in at least three years scroll past, also I have no idea how to do the cut thing so also potentially very long post with terrible grammar, cause I’m going on a ride here and also just suck at grammar)

Anyway…… how do deal with emotions

This fucker has made me write poetry FUCKING POETRY!!!!!!! Sgdhshdhsijagdhd (for reference I hate writing poetry and absolutely suck at it, no hate to people who like poetry, I just don’t personally like it that much, can be cool to read though) and now I am a sappy human bean who is very repressed and writes poetry apparently. I hate it so much. Not only that but before I even got to the poetry phase I wrote two letters to him! Like this fucker has been ruling my conscience for the passed like month and a half. I’m used to the like couple hours, or like at the very most couple of day vague “this persons nice and I like them” maybe crushes that turn out to just wanting to be friends kind of thing. Not “I short circuit every time they do anything vaguely nice to me and even considering asking them out because I really like them, but I’m also afraid of commitment and I also know they like someone else and I don’t want to put them in an awkward situation because honestly I just like seeing them happy and I don’t care how it happens/who it happens with” and now I have to deal with it, and I have absolutely no idea how to say any of that in a coherent way/without seeming slightly insane or like I’m trying to guilt trip him into a relationship, cause I don’t even know how/if I want a relationship. Also the letters either turned into me being kinda self deprecating or going through major personal character growth but vaguely directed at him, so like idk how to just talk about how he makes me feel without accidentally making it about me, and I don’t want it to be about me I want it to be about how he’s a fantastic human being and I adore him.

(Spacing so my brain doesn’t want to implode it’s self) Like literally all this guy has to do (and has done) to make me even slightly flustered is just be a decent human being. Like that’s it. He’ll just talk to me like we’re relatively good friends and then BAM feelings. And it’s even worse (better) because he’s also a pretty like affectionate person in general (or just not emotionally repressed like I am) so he’ll just like casually just joke around and like say he loves me like the “I’m insulting you but also I love you” kind of friendship and I have no idea how to deal with it. Also he is unfairly good at hugging, like it’s annoying (it’s fantastic but so far he’s hugged me three times and I’ve completely short circuited every time, like to the point that idk what else was going on at the time, for last two the first one was very awkward, but also somehow one of the best hugs I’ve gotten. Also for the record all of these hugs happened within the span of two days) cause he’s so warm and like, squishy, and on the last hug that he did (cause the last two were after awards for a speech and debate tournament, he got fourth in the event that we had done like three full practices for; we’re both in short prep) it was like one of those ones where like you tighten your arms around the person during it and he was the one who initiated it!!!!!!?????!!? Like ahdgdjdueueididgjeody. Also (cause I watched his round for finals cause you can do that) and afterwards he was basically saying that me being there was how he was able to do it (though I think he would have been able to do it without me cause he’s amazing) and like he was doing the like happy cry thing and then I was almost doing the happy cry thing cause I feed off of other peoples emotions cause I’m a vampire and don’t know how to recognize/feel them on my own. But like !!!!!!!!!!!!! Cause there was another person on our team that also watched his round and as far as I know he didn’t do that for them; but like I also waited for him at the bottom of the bleachers after awards finished to congratulate him cause I was on the opposite side to him and couldn’t at the time, whereas the other kid was I think sitting next to him so he may have done it then. But I don’t know. Also I’m this same tournament he offered to let me use his cologne for the first day (cause it was a two day tournament) and also told me how to use it cause trans and don’t know how to man. Granted for that one he also offered to another one of the kids but still. I’m also debating if I should go look specifically for that cologne to have it because of him but idk if that would border on creepy stalker.

Also there’s like, I have two best friends that are basically just my sisters, and like no matter how much I like him, they will always come first and idk how to say that without making him feel like he’s just like a second option or like I don’t care about him as much. Cause I do, I would go to the ends of the earth to make him happy; but also if it came down to him or them I would choose them every time cause they are my family. And I don’t know how to bring that up without feeling bad about it (cause it feels like I’m kinda leading him on cause he’s not my number one priority and I don’t know how to do relationships (or this level of affection both from or towards people) that didn’t start out from being friends first and in the last relationship I was in (which was like 3ish years ago and ended cause someone spread a rumor that I cheated; I didn’t, and the person believed it cause I was being “defensive” over losing the person that at the time had been my whole world) they were my number one focus and like came first no matter what and I like just wanted to spend time around them (probably also because they were pretty much my only friend that somewhat actively talked to me at the time) and now that I also have other people that I enjoy being around and don’t want to leave behind so I can’t do that again, but I also don’t know how else to do relationships cause I’m scared that if I don’t then he’s leave me because he doesn’t think I care about him enough. Cause that also destroyed the remains of the first relationship even after we broke up, and if I have to do that again I would crawl back into the hole I dig the first time around and never leave it ever again (an exaggeration but still, I would be very sad) I also don’t want to explain all this to him because I tend to over share/over explain when I’m trying to tell someone my emotions while also trying not to scared them off, and again I don’t want to guilt trip him into a relationship or like accidentally trauma dump on him while telling him that I like him. But I also want to make sure he know that I care about him, and it’s not a matter of who I like/love more and more just a) I’ve them known longer and b) they’re my family.

Anyway, that’s the rant over. Sorry for the long post, have a picture of my dogs as thanks/apology for reading/the amount of scrolling

#just ranting #emotions #how do i deal with this #long post #help #I got hit with feels #idk #what do I do #I’m very emotionally repressed #can you tell #dog picture at the end #:)#I’m screaming internally #I don’t do emotions #until now apparently

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kyouka-supremacy · 7 months

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BSD Beast clean cover

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mitskiluvr · 7 months

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beast will always mean SO much to me because of everything it tells us about atsushi and akutagawa. all the parallels between them. they were both victims of circumstance—akutagawa ended up on the side of “good” in beast and atsushi didn’t and at their core they were both just teenagers trying to find a way to survive with the hand that was dealt to them

#bungo stray dogs #bsd #bungou stray dogs #shin soukoku #sskk #atsushi nakajima #akutagawa ryuunosuke #bsd beast #i hate talking about morally gray characters and themes because i can never get it right like i can never hit the right points #but i think this is a pretty goood example #atsushi would’ve ended up an assassin in canon if things went any differently #and it sounds so cliche but. they were just KIDS #they were doing anything they could to survive #it didn’t matter to akutagawa that he was gonna be a ruthless killer in the mafia #as long as he had his reason to live he didn’t care #even if in beast he talks about morality and how he could never picture himself in the mafia #god. i love them. i’m sick.

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rotisseries · 7 months

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God's Country, Ethel Cain

#got bored was thinking about wolves. specifically muzzle grabs. felt like trying something new #hey do you guys know how difficult it was to find a picture I liked of muzzle grabbing?#i ended up settling for that second picture I used and that's not even a muzzle grab #cause they don't have each other's snouts in their mouths #but like. every picture is one dog looking mildly annoyed while the other one has their whole snout in their mouth #but like. when MY DOGS do a muzzle grab it looks like this animalistic approximation of a human kiss #which is what I would've really liked. but whatever #anyway I really like this song guys I really fucking like this song do you know that. top ten songs of all time #ethel cain #ethel cain typography #I guess???#idk what you should tag these with

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rottengurlz · 3 months

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I don’t know why I bite

#I’ve thought about making this everyday since I saw that one isle of dogs clip #in the bottom scene is when amari realizes everything he did #a scream ripping from his throat while hes trying to rip off his skin and scrub off any blood coating his skin #its the only way he could ever feel clean again #god please forgive me please forgive me please forgive me not again not again not again #nene i said id make a new amari post but i ended up ruining his life again sorry #i wish the sizing was a bit better between both pictures but if i stare at this any longer im gonna rip my eyes out #mysims #sims 4 edit #ts4 edit #the sims community #oc: amari

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420technoblazeit · 1 year

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in my mind dean was always supposed to get older and become the new bobby. like ok you're a hunter, maybe a little new to the scene and still figuring things out. and you're tracking down a werewolf, easy case. except some things don't line up quite right and now you're thinking it might not actually be a werewolf. so you ask around a hunter's bar and they all say the same thing. go to this one bunker in the middle of nowhere in kansas

and you're like sure what the hell. you're stumped anyway, might as well check it out. maybe it's a weapons storehouse or something. but then you get there and there's a doorbell and a bee-shaped welcome mat out front and you're starting to think you've got the wrong place. the door swings open and there's this middle aged guy with a robe and batman pyjama bottoms. and he laughs at the look on your face and tells you to come in, he doesn't bite. not since he got that vampire cure, anyway. you're not sure what to make of that last part but he winks at you when he says it so you figure he's joking. maybe.

he gives great advice about hunting everything under the sun and if you stick around long enough he'll go on and on about how he saved the world at least five times. ok sure. you don't want to be rude so you just sit there and sip your coffee politely while he talks about some guy called chuck and how much of a bitch he is. and another guy who's aged a little more gracefully comes padding down the hallway in a metallica t-shirt and rolls his eyes. has he told you about tvland yet? ('i was just getting to that part!')

if you go to the basement you'll find shotguns filled with salt, wooden stakes, holy water, and demon-killing bullets for sale. and if you're lucky the witch who sells hex bags might be around. low-grade curses only, of course. you better leave the powerful stuff to the professionals. and she'll get in trouble if she gives you anything stronger, not that she can't be persuaded. a girl's gotta make a living after all and she's always encouraged eager new witches. it's worked out pretty well for her so far. and then a guy you swear is twice your height will raise an eyebrow at her and insist she only sell the weaker hex bags, please. you don't need any more witches in your coven, rowena. you've got plenty

pagan god giving you trouble? there's a man who swings by every once in a while who knows how to deal with those. give him some candy or a fun magic relic and he might help you out. it depends. he's a little picky about dishing out advice and he likes to play favorites. and if you've got a demon problem they can give you the number of a guy who swears up and down that he used to be the king of hell. but you've seen him walking around with a purse-sized terrier tucked under his arm and a dozen more following him so you're not really sure if you believe him

idk i like to think that dean got to grow old and retire. that doesn't mean he stops helping people, it just means he hangs up his coat and becomes an old man who rambles on and on about 'back in my day' and makes a dent in his leather armchair. there's a foosball table where the dungeon used to be and sam complains about beer bottles being everywhere and it becomes a safe haven for anyone still fighting the good fight. it's just that for dean and the rest of team free will the fight is over. they're done hunting now

#THIS GOT AWAY FROM ME BUT. i was thinkign about the spn finale and what i'd picture as a happy ending for tfw (mostly dean sorry. samgirls)#adn like. i dont think dean would ever give up helping people but i also think at some poitn in time he'd recognize that the way he views #hunting really does hurt him. n maybe eventually he coudl be convinced to take a step back yk? and be a little more hands off like bobby wa #and YES im givign rowena gabe adn crowley happy endings too. up to you to decide if htey live in the bunker now. (i think crowley does at #least once he abdicates the throne. he went full will graham and has like a hundred dogs n dean complains about how much mud they track in)#supernatural #dean winchester #castiel #rowena macleod #sam winchester #gabriel spn #crowley macleod #crowley spn #the pig squeals

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jounosparticles · 3 months

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one thing i really like about fukuzawa and fukuchi is how they still look at each other and talk to each other with such fondness despite everything that’s happened.

there’s very little anger however a ton of sadness between their interactions as the DoA plot rolls out.

when fukuchi was seen as nothing but evil yet fukuzawa still couldn’t kill him. logically he needed to but his own heart couldn’t take the pain of losing someone he cares for so heavily. i find it displays fukuzawa’s humanity well.

the man who always tries to do what’s right even if it’s the hardest decision suddenly can’t because he’s so conflicted. he can’t keep confronting his best friend.

he can’t kill this. they were both so happy and full of life not that long ago.

they even take the time to reminisce on those memories. it’s like the subject is being changed to avoid the inevitable.

look at the way they sit as they talk. fukuzawa having very closed posture since he does not want to have this conversation. fukuchi having open posture because he knows he’s doing what is best.

it really shows how a long bond can really change your perspective on a person.

#anyways. i’ll make a longer post about this after the scene with teruko #sorry if this is worded badly too…im sorry it’s hard to phrase it without having pictures of the anime ending so im waiting to fully expand #but yeah i love them #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd 112 #bsd chapter 112 #bsd fukuzawa #yukichi fukuzawa #bsd fukuchi #ochi fukuchi #fukufuku #bsd spoilers #bsd analysis

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carrotkicks · 7 months

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Fugitives arc - Abridged vrs.

(part of the sends them to school au)

hehe so guess what! I took my insanity to new heights and I actually tried to write (horrifying) do tell me how it goes for you

It took exactly 9 seconds to find the extra bandages. Dr. Mori was always reliable about keeping medical supplies ready on hand but Dazai counted anyway. It’s a habit she’s grown over the years. Her eyepatch had gotten rather grimy after a long day on the run, and the bacteria that may have collected could give her another infection, so she might as well change it, right?

Right! That’s a good start. Redoing her bandages is an excellent next step in her plan to somehow get herself and Chuuya out of this debacle.

Speaking of, Chuuya was currently in the bedroom, trying to find something to wear that was left lying around in this safe house. Dazai had helped her take a bath earlier, and it took a lot of effort on her part to not freak out. Not that Chuuya noticed, of course. Chuuya might have a second special ability to be completely oblivious to some things. Like when someone’s putting the moves on her, or when she’s in pain. It’s as though she entirely lacks self-preservation. Does she have a death wish or something? Oh wait –

Dazai freezes that horribly ironic train of thought to remind herself she’s in a bathroom surrounded by puddles of Chuuya’s blood and tattered clothes. After the bandages, I’ll clean this mess. That’s a good next, next step.

Chuuya had gotten injured, somehow. A deep gash on the back of her neck, like a creature sunk its claws in her and pulled something out. Dazai frowned at the thought as she pulled her patch off. Chuuya hasn’t said a word about why they were hiding but after the events of the past few days, Dazai’s overactive mind was starting to paint a bleak picture.

Chuuya wasn’t at school for the past few days. On the third day of her absence, her literature teacher pulled her aside with a packet of coursework in hand.

“I know you’re close to Nakahara-chan. Perhaps you can deliver her the materials she’s missed this past week so she doesn’t fall too far behind. And check in on her too, okay?”

Of course, Dazai readily agreed. Their Sensei has always shown exasperation towards Chuuya’s poor attendance habits, but today there was a strange tightness in her smile that made Dazai’s stomach settle uncomfortably.

Kunikida decided to join her to deliver the notes – “Not that I don’t think you’re capable of it on your own. I’m putting up with you because it’s a dangerous location, and I would like to see how Nakahara-san is doing” he declared. Naturally, Dazai had cheerfully wrapped an arm around his waist and accepted his chivalrous offer. Kunikida may give the pretenses of aloofness but he worries too much for the act to hold any weight. That’s how Dazai managed to figure out what happened after that disastrous mistake on her part last Friday.

Kunikida and Yosano both agreed to this story: Chuuya looked very pale when they entered the club room. She claimed she was ill and decided to leave after minutes in. That’s where it ended, frustratingly enough. At yesterday’s Detectives Club meeting, Ranpo mentioned to her briefly “I don’t think things look very good at home for Chuuya-kun.” Dazai nodded.

I figured as much too.

That’s why when she and Kunikida stepped up to a ratty-looking apartment unit in a ratty-looking apartment complex in the Suribachi neighborhood on the outskirts of Yokohama, she had Hirotsu in a van full of Mafia guards parked two blocks away. Her security detail was also following close by but she’s not supposed to know about them, so if anyone asks, what security detail?

“This is the right place?” Kunikida asked, looking back at the surroundings. The area didn’t seem safe, at least for a couple of kids wearing uniforms for one of the most prestigious private academies in Yokohama. Even if those kids were ability users.

“It’s the address Sensei gave me,” Dazai responded in a relaxed fashion. She gazed back to where Kunikida was looking. An armored truck hidden under the shade of a tree.

“Supposedly there’s a military base nearby,” she rationalized. Kunikida only nodded uneasily.

Dazai grinned and began ruffling through her bag for the handouts. “Hey, if Chuuya answers the door, she won’t be in her school uniform.”

“Hm.” Kunikida stepped forward and knocked. Three times.

“I bet she has an awful fashion sense. She seems like the type, right?”

“Anything Nakahara-san chooses for her style will be an improvement to your bandages, Dazai-chan.”

“Tch. Rude.”

The door opened. The timer starts.

Standing there was a tall man wearing a lab coat and a gentle smile. “Hello. Can I help you?” He has glasses and graying hair. He’s keeping his hands in his pockets, one of which seems to be holding something. 6 seconds.

Kunikida must have picked up that Dazai wasn’t willing to talk, and took over. “Hello sir, is this the residence of Nakahara Chuuya-san?”

“Yes, I’m her father. She’s not well right now, so I’m afraid you can’t see her.” 18 seconds. From what Dazai could see there wasn’t any furniture other than a sofa, coffee table, and coat rack. Chuuya’s signature boots weren’t by the entrance.

“That’s… alright. We just came to deliver some of the notes and homework she’s missed. We’re classmates.” The blinds in the apartment were drawn, and there was something in the shadow that Dazai couldn’t make out clearly. 23 seconds.

Chuuya’s “father” accepted the offered papers swiftly without a second glance. “I’ll see that she gets these. Anything else?” 31 seconds. A glint of metal, that looked the shape of –

“Nope, that’s it! We’ll take our leave then. Please tell Chuuya we hope she feels better for us, sir” Dazai cut in. She nudged Kunikida’s foot Come on, time to go.

Kunikida gave a courteous bow. “Thank you for your time, Nakahara-san.”

At that, a strange smirk crossed over the man’s face, as if he heard the world’s most ironic joke. “Of course.” He made eye contact with Dazai for a moment and she really hoped she was giving him a polite smile because her eyes felt far too wide to be anything other than manic. Then the door slammed shut.

The entire encounter lasted 42 seconds, and Dazai already figured out more than she wanted to. “Chuuya wasn’t there. That man wasn’t her father” She tells Kunikida when they’re far enough away from the building. Her friend gave her a sharp look, but it wasn’t an "I don’t believe you". It helped the tightness in her throat clear a little.

“How do you figure?”

Dazai furrowed her brow, “That apartment isn’t lived in at all. None of Chuuya’s possessions were to be found. And…” She halted. Kunikida stopped beside her. “Inside I saw a glimpse of a rifle, a military-grade one. There was definitely an armed soldier hiding in the back, and likely the rest of their squad too.” Soldiers, a military base, a man in a lab coat, and a missing ability user. A terrible combination.

Kunikida muttered what was absolutely not a curse. “We need to find Nakahara quickly.” He says, not wasting a moment to pull out his phone to dial who she thinks is Ranpo.

Dazai nods, already feeling more confident. But Yokohama’s a big city, how are they supposed to find one tiny person like –

***

“Dazai. Dazaiiiiiiii! Are you- oh!” Chuuya rushed out about as quickly as she entered. Dazai had scrambled to throw her hands up to hide her uncovered eye. She exhaled heavily as she tried to suppress the irritation that flared up in her chest. That was terrible timing on her part, and she should have accounted for Chuuya being her spontaneous self.

“Seriously, Chibi? Didn’t anyone teach you to knock first?”

“Sorry. I didn’t expect you to be indecent.” Dazai isn’t naked, just bandage-less right now. Oh, Chuuya’s trying to be funny.

“Humor isn’t your thing Slug-chan. Hhh, tell me. Did you see it?” Dazai doesn’t know why she’s feeling so self-conscious. Her eye healed a long time ago, even if seeing out of it is still quite blurry, it looks perfectly fine. But in the year since the … injury … Dazai has only been able to bear looking at her own unobstructed reflection for only a few minutes at a time. The only other person who could be comparable was the Good Doctor himself.

There’s a silence behind the door. Then, Chuuya says, “I saw you, Dazai.”

Dazai doesn’t know how to respond to that, and it seems like Chuuya may have realized because there’s a hesitant turn of the door handle. Dazai puts her hand over the right side of her face for good measure.

The door creaks open and the redhead shuffles in. Literally shuffles, Dazai realized, those clothes were huge on her, practically swallowing her frame. The sleeves of the collared shirt she found were rolled up to her elbows and the black slacks she was wearing must have been cuffed 3(?) times. They must be Dr. Mori’s, a little voice in Dazai’s head supplied. She looks cute in them, an unhelpful one adds. She looked cuter covered in blood, to be honest, another, more unhelpful, eviler voice continued. Hold on, has Dazai ever seen Chuuya wear long pants before?

Whatever. It didn’t matter because obviously, Dazai laughed out loud at the sight. Maybe overcompensated even, she really needed this chance to tease Chuuya. Any chance she’ll get. For her part, Chuuya must have anticipated this reaction because she just huffs out in annoyance and drags herself closer. When her giggles died down, she realized that Chuuya had grabbed her hand and was looking directly into her eyes, and a self-satisfied grin settled on her face.

Ah, Dazai’s mouth felt dry again, so she lowers her head. Chuuya took that as a cue to start talking. “It’s only fair, Dazai. You got to see all of me, so I deserve some leverage on you too.”

Leverage? Oh… Dazai thinks she gets it. Chuuya’s at Dazai’s mercy right now. Dazai’s father owns this safe house, Dazai’s people are guarding the perimeter, and Dazai’s the one who can treat her injuries. Chuuya’s asking for some control over the situation. She’s asking for trust in return. Dazai can handle that.

She looks up, but Chuuya’s already turned her head away, cheeks a faint red. She detaches her hand but Dazai grabs it before it can retreat further.

“Hey.” Dazai brings Chuuya’s hand close to her face. Chuuya meets here eyes. She seems confused. “A while ago I got into an accident.”

“An accident?” If Chuuya doubts her, she wouldn’t show it.

“Yeah. It really messed up the right side of my face. It used to look really bad so I always bandaged it. It became a habit.”

Dazai hesitated on the next part. “And when I see myself without the patches, I get reminded how human I look.”

Chuuya’s gaze was unreadable now.

Shit. Don’t say more. Dazai found herself stuck explaining, “And it makes me a fraud because I’m not a human. Not inside. Not where it matters” Stop oversharing! She can feel her heartbeat going faster “Ahh ~ that part’s not really a big deal, though. How’s my face, Chuuya-kun? Is it cute?”

“What the hell are you saying, Dazai?” When she’s upset Chuuya’s voice goes down an octave from her usual high throaty pitch. It seems that’s the case here. Dazai stayed transfixed to the anger brewing in her eyes, and didn’t noticed that Chuuya’s hands landed themselves on either side of her face, cupping it gentler than her expression would have let on.

“Don’t you ever say that to my face again! You're not human? That’s complete bullshit.” Who taught Chuuya how to curse, anyway?

“Chuuya I-”

“Shut up. Don’t you understand, Dazai?” She really doesn’t understand. Chuuya’s expression melts into something Dazai can’t recognize. Her thumb strokes her right cheek and then Dazai is being pulled closer to the Earth. At some point her eyes close. Some muddled thought about trust floats around her head.

“You’re the most human person I’ll ever meet.”

Something soft and warm. Right under her eye. Dazai snaps back into awareness as Chuuya pulls away, red-faced, like a shrimp. A shrimpy color on a shrimpy person. Or the color of crab. Dazai loves crab. Dazai loves- Chuuya squirmed under her gaze. Oh, right. How much time did she just lose?

“You took me by surprise last Friday,” Chuuya confesses, looking away in embarrassment. “And then I got scared, because I felt so good in that one moment with you, and then I had to go back… Home.” She shuddered. “And I’ve been trying change, you know? Because I didn’t feel alive until I met you, and then suddenly I wanted to feel alive for you.”

Dazai didn’t know how to respond, so she wrapped her hand around the back of Chuuya’s neck, carefully over thick patch of gauze that protected her injury. Chuuya looked breathless. “And then last week, I realized that my freedom had run out, so I took a chance and escaped. And now we’re here. And it’s all your fault Dazai. I did it because of you.”

There’s something dark and stormy in Chuuya’s eyes.

“And that stupid goddamned kiss. It was fucking incredible .”

Dazai closed the distance between them again. And again. And again. And again and again and again and again and again andagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagain –

***

So their night went peacefully after that. Dazai never ended up rewrapping her eye, just for the sake of savoring that adorable flustered look on Chuuya’s face. Cleaning the bathroom was a more irritating chore. Dazai had nudged the pile that was Chuuya’s blood-soaked uniform and a random set of green and yellow gardening gloves she somehow acquired. (“Hey you sure you didn’t go and murder anyone, Slug?” she had taunted. Chuuya ominously didn’t answer.) Dr Mori had kept a huge stock of spicy instant noodles in the pantry and the two of them held a contest to see who could handle the spice better. It ended in a tie because Dazai refused to admit she had a runny nose and tears in her eyes.

And now they were in bed, in each other's arms. Dazai hugged her… girlfriend? partner? … closer. Chuuya was so warm. Like a human furnace. Dazai could happily die right now. Until Chuuya spoke up.

“Dazai, why did you tell me I would look cute in a cage right before you kissed me. ” Death needs to arrive a little faster. Dazai is a little spent from the embarrassing and soulbearing conversations earlier.

“It. It was a dog joke Chuuya. Because you’re my doggy.”

“Likely story. You just want me to have no freedom under you instead.” Dazai pointedly didn’t wrap herself around Chuuya more, to prove her self restraint and respect for Chuuya’s autonomy.

“Please drop it. You don’t understand my prodigal mind.”

“Hmm. How about never?”

A comfortable silence settled over them again. Chuuya pushed herself deeper into Dazai’s hold. She was wearing a pair of oven mits that she found in the kitchen, and Dazai didn’t bother to ask why. What did matter was that this moment never ended.

“Dazai.” Chuuya started. “I’m…”

“Hm?” Dazai shifted her position so she could see Chuuya’s expression. It was horribly vulnerable.

“I… don’t think I’ll be sleeping tonight.”

The unspoken words rang clearly in Dazai’s mind. She smiled and ran her hand through the short red hair. There was a light shining in Chuuya’s eyes. If they were going to pull an all-nighter, then Dazai better start counting.

“Yeah. Me too, Chuuya”

***

Dazai woke up to the barrel of an assault rifle pressed to her temple and a tall man in a white lab coat holding Chuuya in his arms.