#didnt think that they were capable of feeling love. or maybe they just didnt have the vocab to be able to define those feelings as love

[nopefer-art-tu]

so i was thinking abt the old brokeback mountain forum threads i had stumbled upon last yr and i remember coming across a very lengthy one where people were debating the nature of ennis and jack's relationship during their days on brokeback mountain. specifically, people were debating about whether or not ennis and jack kissed at all during those first few months of friendship and fucking.

i know what y'all may be thinking: but nickie, didn't they literally kiss, like, super passionate style during the unfamous second-night-in-the-tent (or SNIT, as the BetterMost forum users dubbed it) scene?

but see, the thing is that in the original short story Annie Proulx never mentioned them kissing during their time on the mountain. In fact, the first (and only) time kissing is mentioned is during their reunion. In an interview, Ang Lee had said that the whole SNIT scene was written into the film to help audiences better understand the budding passion and love between Ennis and Jack. Otherwise, they felt viewers wouldn't quite get the depth of feelings that they had for each other, and thought they would've been lost as to why it hurt them both so bad to be separated earlier than they'd anticipated.

of course i love the idea that they eased into intimacy so early on in their relationship that they made out a ton while herding on the mountains, but imo, it's also kind of interesting to think about the reunion scene being their first kiss.

in her Story to Screenplay book essay, Annie Proulx said that ranchers would often hire two guys to tend a flock together so that they could 'poke each other' on the lonesome days in the mountains. In some ways, Ennis and Jack fucking was a normal and anticipated part of the job—a 'one-shot thing' that would occur simply due to circumstance. She said what was unusual about Ennis and Jack's case is that the two had fallen into a deep, once-in-a-lifetime kind of love during their time together, thus negating the whole 'one-shot' thing Ennis had declared it to be.

with that in mind, i can see why so many people believed that they never kissed during their initial months of relationship building. They both could have justified it by thinking that as long as they didn't kiss, their tryst didn't mean anything special, nor would it make them queer for going at it like rabbits. Then they both go through the turmoil of losing each other, not knowing why it was they felt so bad about going their separate ways, and go through four long years of silence before "the first sign of life" appears in the form of a postcard.

Jack pulls up in Ennis' driveway, and Ennis is so overcome with joy and desire that first thing his (alcohol-muddled) mind thinks to do is kiss the living daylights out of Jack, and in that moment—as those old forum users had put it—that was basically the first time either of them were able to acknowledge to themselves that the summer on the mountain in '63 meant a whole lot more to them than it should have.

i dunno. i think it's a really interesting subject to think about, one that gets broached in fics very rarely. would like to hear your all's thoughts, if any!

#brokeback mountain #still brokeback posting #also i KNOW this is my art acc but unfortunately my main is like hidden? so none of my posts will show up in tags :( #anyways regardless of if they did or didnt kiss beforehand im a big fan of the idea that after their big reunion kiss their intimacy #deepened considerably to the point where like. the motel scene wasnt just them fucking but it was their first time making love #like did they make out during the mountain months? maybe. but did they ever fuck facing each other? imo probably not. not until 1967 #cause again its like the first time they realized just what they had meant to each other and how much they had missed each other #maybe they still couldnt register it as love because they didnt want to and couldnt take that big of a step as to name it. or maybe they #didnt think that they were capable of feeling love. or maybe they just didnt have the vocab to be able to define those feelings as love #in the first place. #but they at least knew that like. they were inexplicably drawn to each other in a way that they weren't to their wives

[malewifesband]

as big as the friend confession scene is i love this part best. laios is ofc still under the impression that kabru likes monster food and went thru this big effort to make something special for him and then kabru goes out of his way to be so warm and sweet, and frankly a bit flirtatious like i know he thinks that exit killed it

and hes kinda right bc laios cannot stop staring after him when he leaves and i cannot attribute all that to him being confused about what kabru meant by "dont forget me next time". like laios means it if he says something like "meeting you was the best part of this" those are not empty words even if hes under a false impression about kabru--i dont think its just that kabru shared his interest that has his attention either. i think its bc kabru really engaged with him. i dont think his opinion wouldve changed much if kabru said "nahhhh im good i wont eat a monster cool for you tho have fun" instead of saying he would try it

(and he really is trying the 'laugh at anything he says so he'll feel special' strat here huh.....)

and kabru despite being a stranger he helped get thru to shuro about falins resurrection

and he does it with a sensitivity and care that laios wishes he was capable of and he know it limits him as a leader

the thought laios keeps having about kabru isnt "wow he loves monsters too!" its "wow he is sooooo nice :3" which he is! at this stage he likes kabru bc he feels heard by him and kabru has qualities he knows he lacks but admires greatly and didnt make fun of him or call him weird for his interest in monsters

the way kabru acts and thinks about laios at this point feels allegorical to how people feel in new relationships. can i trust you? are you who you seem? if i tell you how ive been hurt, will you use this to hurt me or to protect me? i dont know yet, but i like you so far, so im going to show you the self that i think you'll like best. i want to impress you. i want you to trust me so maybe i can trust you

so much of dungeon meshi is about the way that we accidentally hurt our loved ones because we cant always understand them, or we dont know whats best for them when theyve been hurt in such complex ways, or because were too scared of being hurt again to tell them not to press into the bruise (see: chimera falin, falin giving up parts of her life to suit/protect marcille and laios bc she loves them, laios driving marcille deeper into the winged lions grip TWICE with his advice in the nightmares and again with the dungeon rabbits, everything chilchuck has ever done in his whole life, laios' father's everything also, and this is a labru post so ofc kabru lying about wanting to eat monsters to impress laios) i wouldnt be surprised if the allegory was intentional

anyways this part of their relationship budding into a toxic little flower theyll have to prune later is very cute to me and i really like reading it again knowing how they turn their relationship around later into one built on a mutual understanding and trust

#labru #i love the mutual crush phase of relationships

[cosmiiwrites]

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ enemies to lovers

.ೃ࿐ adam x fem!reader .ೃ࿐

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ summary: in which you and adam find out you don't hate each other as much as you think you do cw: NSFW, fem!reader, p in v, oral (fem recieving), creampie, adam (he's his own warning), hair pulling, semi-public sex, cussing a/n: FINALLY DONE !! first smut fic though, so apologies if some things dont make sense :(

you hated adam. you hated his cocky attitude and his fuckboy persona. and most of all, you hated how everyone stayed quiet about it. him being the first man didn't mean jack shit to you. if he was being an egotistical asshole? you won't hesitate to put him in his place. even if that meant starting an argument in front of the promenade, putting your hatred for one another on display.

adam, on the other hand, loved someone who could match his abrasive attitude. and it meant more that you went out of your way to shout insults at him every chance you got. to be honest? it turned him on. but he would rather die then admit that. during meetings, you two would bicker non-stop, shooting daggers at each other from across the table. so yes, everyone and their mothers knew about you and adam's ongoing feud. what did everyone also know? the unspoken sexual tension between you two. the tension so thick it was tangible. the tension everyone knew about except the two idiots who claimed they hated each other. even lute was getting sick of it. "what a bitch, am i right?" "yes, sir." "she's just salty because i'd never go for a cunt like her," "mhm, sir." "maybe i sho-" "you know what i just remembered? sera saying she had something to discuss with me. ill be leaving now, sir." adam shot her a confused look. it wasnt like lute to walk out on a conversation so abruptly. (spoiler alert, she just didnt want to hear adam talk about you for the millionth time today) "well, uh, shit, okay." upon leaving, adam bumped into a familiar face. "well, well, well, if it isn't-" you slid right past him, ignoring any advance he'd tried making towards you. "what the fuck?" adam's face grew warm from embarrassment. did you just ignore him? he planted himself in front of you, hoping to make a statement. his tall figure hovered over yours. "ignoring me, hm? is that any way to treat the first man?" he teased. you sighed and rubbed your forehead in annoyance before answering, "if by 'first man' you mean 'overly-confident egomaniac' then yes." that's what adam liked about you; you didnt kiss his ass 24/7 like all the other angels. you didnt crave his approval. "i seriously don't understand how people can tolerate being around you," you groaned.

"oh fuck off, the ladies love me," he grinned. "especially in be-" you threw your hand to cover his mouth. "ugh, spare me the details, you gross fuck." your statement only widened his shit-eating grin. "why, jealous?" he teased, dragging on the s. "fuck, no! i feel bad for all the women you've slept with, they've probably faked all their orgasms as to not hurt your fragile ego." you retorted. adam's smirk dropped. he couldn’t BELIEVE you thought he was incapable of pleasuring a woman. luckily for you, his anger quickly turned to interest as an idea popped up in adam's head. he leaned into your ear, voice low and husky, "you wanna bet on that?"

taken aback from his sudden offer , you backed up until your back hit the wall of the alley you two were in. “what,” you breathed, “are you on about?”

“if i can make you cum,” adam started, “you have to admit that one; im the dick-fuckin’-master, and two; i AM capable of pleasuring a woman. deal?” adam's said a ton of dumb shit, but this? you let out a boisterous laugh. “are you serious?” but after a few beats of unearthly silence, thats when you knew he was. “well, shit.” you did want a chance at proving him wrong and taking down his ego. to be fair, no one’s made you cum in a long, long time. and you were always up for a challenge.

you grabbed adam by the collar and dragged him down to your level.

“deal.”

———————————————————————

thats how you found yourself up against a wall, being eaten out by the first man, the first soul in heaven, and your well-known rival.

you didnt want to admit it, but god, this man was good with his tongue. not to mention his hands.

he gripped your thighs tightly, spreading them apart and smirking up at you. your flustered face drove him mad, only fueling his desire for you. its not his fault you looked so fuckin’ cute. maybe he should get you like this more often…

adam shamelessly licked up and down your entrance, earning small involuntary whimpers from you. he dragged his hand down your thigh to rub circles on your clit, making you twitch under his touch. “taste so fuckin’ good,” he growled. wanting more, you tugged at his hair, forcing his tongue to prod at your cunt. “impatient, are we? and to think you hated me.”

it was like he was waiting for this exact moment; for adam ate like a man starved. like he hadn’t eaten in days, and you were the only thing that could nourish him.

suddenly, he sunk his long tongue into your clit, “shit, adam!” he smirked against your cunt. “enjoying y’self, babe?” “f-fuck—haah—you!” was all you can manage, before he sunk his tongue deeper into you, fingers now circling your clit twice as fast. “dont worry, tits, you’ll be doing that in a bit.”

it wasnt long before you had cum all over his tongue and face, panting like a maniac. you had already lost the bet, but you didnt care. nor had any of you two mentioned it. lost in a drunken haze, all you wanted was his cock buried inside of you.

you quickly recovered from your high and grinded against his painfully hard erection. “s-shit, babe, didn’t take you for a desperate whore,” adams words were slurred, his need for you fogging his brain. “s-shut up,” you retorted “looks like you can still talk back,” he grinned. “i’ll fuck that bratty attitude out of you.” “youve yet to do so,” you teased. “you bluffing, dickmaster?” oh, now you’ve got him in a chokehold.

those would be your famous last words, before adam would recklessly pound into you.

adam quickly undid his boxers, revealing his hard cock, precum already spilling from his tip. you thought he was joking when he called himself the ‘dickmaster.’ you silently wondered how that would fit inside of you. “see how fuckin’ worked up you get me, tits?” adam babbled.

he bent you over, your wrists just above your head.

you were about to reply with a snarky comeback when he pushed his cock into you, no warning beforehand.

“i fuckin’ knew it,” he said. “tight as shit. bet no one’s fucked you as good as im about to, huh?” you wanted to respond, to deny his accusations, but the only sounds that left your mouth were desperate moans and whimpers. it was like music to his ears, fueling him to fuck you brainless.

his large size stung, but pain quickly turned to pleasure when he began to move.

he picked up his pace, pounding into you brutally. it was oh, so sinful. but adam would go to hell anyday if that meant he could have your tight little cunt all to himself.

adam took a fistful of your hair, forcing your back to arch. when you didnt protest, adam threw a line of praise at you. “there we go, good fuckin’ girl, just like that…” the position you were in was a bit uncomfortable, but you quickly stopped paying attention to that when adam thrusted into you sharply. “s-so good f’me,” he babbled.

you knew he was almost at his peak when his thrusts grew sloppy. “shit, almost there, fuck!” he groaned. “m-me too, adam, fuck,”

in one deep thrust, he buried himself inside of you, spilling his cum. you felt your stomach grow warm, full of adam’s seed.

adam was still inside of you, even after you both had came. there were no sounds other than your pants and his huffs. thank god this was an empty street.

finally, he pulled out of you. you whined at the loss of contact, earning you a cheeky grin.

“so,” he said, breaking the silence. “how was that for pleasuring a woman, hmmm?” adam smirked. “still hate me?”

“always, just a little less now.”

#hazbin hotel smut #hazbin hotel x reader #adam hazbin #hazbin hotel adam x reader #adam x reader #hazbin hotel alastor #angel dust #hazbin lucifer #smut #dickmaster #hazbin hotel lute #sir pentious #charlie morningstar #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x you #adam x you #x reader

[memospacexx]

we need a part 2 of the absent father alastor, the first part was amazing 😭

Age wasnt mentioned last part, this pne they are hinted to be 13-16 :3

Im writting this in the passenger seat cos i REALLY LOVE THIS MY GOD

Perhaps this was his punishment all along

To have his own child turn their back on him

But he knows its his fault. As much as he wouldnt admit it to a soul he knows. Hes self aware but it doesnt make things better

After he reappeared when the hotel was fixed, it seems like the child stuck with husk even more, sometimes even downright avoiding him

Him?

But hes their father

HE raised them

Right?

He tried, tried to hard to recall memories to back up his point but he couldn’t. All he could remember was him dropping you on husk

Like some cheep booze.

I suppose this was the weight of his actions

He could do nothing now, but that didnt stop him. Hes a hard headed man afterall

It started with him asking you to accompany him at his radio station, something you loved and begged him to before

Always asked to go with him, oh how you loved his voice

But he never did allow you to

On good days he would, but even then those were rare

So hes the one bringing you now!you wouldnt turn down some time with your deer old dad right? Specially how you used to even beg for his attention.

…

No? What do you mean no? Dont you love going ? Dont you love radio? Dont you love. Him?

“Uhm no thanks father i wanna watch husk do magic” you could never truly look into his eyes

Even when you called him father it felt so..

Forced.

But he grinned and bared it “I understand little doe! But you know where to find me” he chuckled and walked away

He could do magic too. He could do magic better. So why husk? Hes stronger, more capable of protecting you, he could protect you better than husk ever could, there was no need for you to cower under that horrid sinners wings because your father, your blood, could protect you

But he never did. Not when you got in trouble for running into some loan sharks, he let you fend for yourself

Pain was the best teacher

He would say

So he threw you to the wolves. How ironic.

That ended as horrible as you’d think, the only reason you got out there alive is because vox, yes, him, out of everyone killed the demons when he noticed it was you, he was just passing by, going to another meeting from one he just left

He recognized you, he knew of alastors offspring but never cared for them, his business is with their father. However, even then this was cruel, and he knew that deer was watching everything

He could feel the eyes on him. On them.

Vox watched as you scampered away, like a deer, like a doe.

Even then , he thought alastor would atleast have compassion for the child

His child

But he was wrong, he gave that bastard too much credit.

Even rosie, a demon that doesnt share the same blood as you, treats you kinder than your own

After that incident, you refused to go out as much, opting to stay with …husk.

Husk, dear old husk, he never minded

He hated it at first tho.

Having to babysit, he didnt like you either

But he knows, he KNEW it wasnt your fault either, he knows you wanted to spend time with that absent father of yours

So he tried his best filling that void in your heart, he felt pity for the little child, so he told old stories of his life before he was damned,he says they’re boring but the shine in your eyes and smile on your face whenever he speaks never fails to amaze him

he even taught you how to play poker

Charlie reprimanded him for that, saying he cant teach a child how to gamble

But he didnt care

You were smiling

Laughing

It wasnt much but it was enough

Enough from him

Enough for you.

It made his blood boil, it wasnt fair. Alastor would think

Why cant you look up at him with admiration?like how you always looked when you were younger

Yeah

Maybe this was his punishment.

TAG LIST;: @ghostdoodlen @lixanjewel @crowleysthings

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x child reader #hazbin x reader #hazbin x you #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor x child reader #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #kinda sad but its alastor lets b fr #alastor x reader #alastor #husker #husker x reader #husker x child reader #husker hazbin hotel

[lolita-lollipop]

Oh, oh! I have an avatar idea/request. I haven't seen the new movie yet but I always loved the idea of maybe a teen reader getting dragged to Pandora with their semi-negligent parents. Like they love their parents but they never have anytime for the reader. Reader gets signed up for the avatar program as a way to keep them entertained and out of the way of their busy scientist/military parents. They don't usually get to leave the base but sometimes they get to go on little excursions not far from it to do test runs and see what their avatar body is capable of and how their age effects things. However, on one of these trips something bad happens and the reader gets separated from the scientists and their escorts and now finds themself lost and scared in the jungle (and possibly unable to return to their human body).

PLATONIC JAKE SULLY (+ a lil sully family) X READER

(A/N I don’t know why I ended up feeling weird this, I think it’s because it reminds me of wattpad days. Kinda long, enjoy)

———————————————————————

Mayday mayday- theres a fire in the engine- the chopper is coming down.

You were always told by your parents to keep quiet, to stay on the sideline as to not hoard any attention that could reflect badly upon them, stay silent, stay obedient. Thats always how it was with them. You knew they loved you, even if they had a hard time showing it, even if it meant they talked to you about ten minutes in a day.

At least you were guaranteed a safe home, food, clothes, and a comfortable life. That is, until you were volunteered (voluntold) by your parents in the avatar program, it was supposedly a test to try the DNA pairing on a younger subject. And your parents had said it would be good for you to see where they work, but you knew that it was just because you were too “needy” in their eyes.

Of course, when you were told that you would be accompanying them on their work trips, you were elated, theyd never invited you before! Then you learned it was on another planet. After a few fights, as always, you ended up agreeing. After all, they said it was safe.

So two months later, a billion tests later, and a new blue humanoid created with your DNA, you had settled into pandora. It was strange to be honest, you were possibly one of the only people on the planet under the age of 21, and not educated as if you were a harvard professor.

Everything was out of bounds, you couldnt ever go to your parents lab, couldnt go outside, couldnt even meet your new blue body. Most of the time you sadly sat, turning into a human statue in your small room with your books. Of course you didnt complain, you never would,

you never did.

Then, you got to integrate yourself into your new body. And your brain, along with your DNA, was finally conjoined. You were wary at first, it was so surreal, after all you were changing bodies. But once you actually did it, you were so glad your parents signed you up.

All of a sudden you were strong, not just strong, but coursing with energy, you felt as if you could fly, or crack boulders in half, it was so surreal. The same feeling you might get as if you were underwater your entire life, and finally got your first breath of fresh air.

You never wanted to leave, never wanted to go back into your cubicle of a bedroom where you could barely breath without feeling inferior. Your legs moved before your mind did, and before you could comprehend, you were standing in the middle of the strange fruit fields with the nurses chasing you down. Your parents would be pussed if they saw you. But at this point? You didnt even care.

You didnt even care

---

As the months passed by your place at the laboratory had been established, you were correct in assuming that you were the youngest here, and that made the research you were contributing to far more interesting. You learned so much about these people, this species.

Primarily, the function of your avatar was completely optimal, you could walk, talk, breathe, and act like all of the others could. There was just one little thing.

Your life was better than it ever was, you didnt even need your parents to love you, you had so many people who already did. 90% of the time you spent beong tested on while doing daily activities. Youd only left the base to go into pandora twice, and that was just to see the land, see the place youd be living for a long time. While it could sometimes be boring, it was far better than your life back home.

After some time, your parents requested that you be taken to a farther laboratories in the mountains, which hurt a lot, but you couldnt say no. they had to transfer yur human, and your navi body. It was so strange to see yourself. Your human self, in other eyes.

So, here you are now. Clutching tight onto the seat of the large helicopter, your human body was encased in an airtight bed, an oxygen mask pressed tightly to your face. Your eyes were practically glued onto your human body, and you were barely able to peel them away, you looked so different when seeing yourself from different eyes, so weak.

It made you sad to know how everybody else saw you. You just stared, at least you got to be away from the two scientists you wished you could call your parents.

In your trance, you hadnt noticed the pilots in the front yelling at eachother, or the scientists rushing around the aircraft seemingly in a panic. It wasnt until the leather seat underneath you began shaking aggressively that you looked up.

There was smoke, but no visible fire, and the aircraft seemed to be dragging, instead of darting swiftly through the air like youd seen all the other planes do, almost like it was too heavy. It slugged, and slowly drifted down.

Panic slowly overtook your senses, you werent sure what was happeningm but by the looks of it, it was very bad. Understanding that you knew absolutely nothing about emergency procedures, You tried to stay put as well as you could, knowing anything you tried to do would just make things worse. But then, a large pop bellowed through the sky, and instead of dragging slowly, the helicopter began to plummit. Then you had to start moving.

Gravity threw you into the other end of the helicopter, and you frantically had to grip at the edge of the opening in attempts to not fly out. THings flew out of the sides, including a few screaming scientists… and the white bed with your human body in it. You watched it fly though the air towards the forest floor with wide eyes, slowly letting your grip slip. In your distraction, you didnt pay any attentuon to the other large objects flying out of the plane.

A large box containing some kind of lab supplies crashed against you, smashing you in the face, and knocking the breath right out of your lungs. And like the rest of the helicopter, you too began falling so abruptly that you couldnt even do anything more than scream. Clutching your head with your hands, you curled up, and just fell.

When you hit the ground, it was pain. And then nothing but black.

----

The flutter of your eyes, the feeling of your fingers against hard dirt, the smell of smoke and burnt flesh wafting in the air. You werent quite conscious, but you werent nececarilly unconscious either. Just there.

When you were finally able to peel your eyes open, there was so much green. Glowing mushrooms strungs across trees, large leaves dripping water, little bugs littered throughout the dirt, white veins growing across your hands and feet. Little glowing bugs that looked like dandelion fuzzthat bounced around across you.

That peace only kept for so long though, and as you realized the depth of your situation, that your helicopter crashed in the middle of a pandora forest, your human body had to be dead so it's amazing that youre even alive right now, and you have no contact to anybody who could save you.

And so, you cried. Unsure of what else to do.

Soft sobs slowly transitioned into rough, ugly crying. Maybe it was the panic, or maybe it was just pent up anxiety being given the oppurtunity, maybe even both. But you cried, without any reguard for what could be watching.

Naturally, as you were face down in the dirt, crying to your hearts content like a baby, you payed no care, nor attent to the sound of hooves traveling your way, or the sight of the native people stampeding towards the disturbance, the noise. They came came to a halt upon seeing you though, covered in seeds from ey-wa. The deity clearly did not want them to harm you, after all, you were just a young girl. Even if you were a human. \

“Call jake.” a womanly voice announced amongst the group in a foreign language, she was loud enough to alert you of their presence. Your head perked up, and in doing so made the pain in your back shiver through in small bursts, a wince left your lips.

You stared at the group in fear with wide eyes, trying to push yourself farther an farther away, which did nothing but unsettle the little white bugs all over you. They floated away towards them, and they stared back with even wider eyes. They werent really sure what to do, usually they would kill any trespassers, but you were protected, so should they grab you and take you back? Or do they leave you alone? They would have to let jake decide.

They stared at you, trying to get close, you stared at them, they muttered in their language, sounding far more than confused. You slowly scooted back, wincing the entire time out of pain. Any attempts to stand up were halted, as the white roots around your feet made the ground slippery, and just made you clumsily fall back down. It was humiliating, like watching a fish flop around out of water.You stayed quiet, you always did.

They all went silent within a few moments though, and the sound of more hooves echoed through the forest around. You didnt know what was happening, but clearly it was important, and you got the impression that it was not good for you. So you clutched the tree next to you, and stretched as far as you could to see what was happening.

And it struck fear in you. One of the largest Na-vi people youve ever seen, at least 10 or 11 feet, with braids that had long strands of silver interlocked, and the piercing green eyes of a hunter. He stared at you, and you stared right back. When he opened his mouth you expected more of that fooreign language, but instead, it was english.

“Why are you here? What happened?” he questioned, dismounting the horse like creature, and pulling out his braid from the connection. He was wearing some kind of beaded shirt, unlike the others,

The Navi around seemed to await every word he spoke. You perked up at the sound of english, happy to find the familiarity, however, youre pretty sure half of the bones in this body were broken, and it just caused you pain. YOure body let out a whimper before you could stop it.

At the noises that left you, the male quirked an eyebrow, and instead of the angry, almost terrifying look that was spread on his face, was a face of concern. You were so young, so small, he very well couldnt hurt you, and you had to be important, eywa wanted you safe, even if the goddess of the land didnt, he felt the need to protect you.

He had many children, and his youngest was soon growing old, and would eventually leave him. You were just so small, and you looked so young, you reminded him of kiri, abandoned, alone. He couldnt leave you.

He began growing closer, catching your gaze and holding it, he put his hands up and put his weapon down. Just trying not to scare you. When he opened his mouth you were expecting that language you couldnt understand, but to your pleasure, it was english.

“How bad are you hurt kid? I saw the smoke, eywa can heal you. I just need you to come with me” he reached his hand towards you, motioning for you to latch on. When you made no motion top grab it, he held your unrelenting gaze, and scooped his arm under your torso, shushing you when you cried out in pain. He held you tightly, tucking you in the knook of his arm. For a moment he seemed distracted, his eyes drawn to the floating white puffs above. What were those anyway?

You held your breath as he remounted the horse, and spoke a few words in that awful language you couldnt understand, with a squeal from the thing you were on top of, it began moving, along with the navi around you. The man gripped you tightly and pressed you close to his chest, one hand on the horse, one around your waist. You winced again, trying to hold back tears, everything hurt.

“It's okay, youll be alright, we can heal you, got it?”, you stayed quiet.

And in nothing but a few moments, It was calm again. Youd never actually met any of the natives, but you had thought it would be far more scary than this, your parents said they would snap and try to kill you. They didnt, in fact, and this man, this navi seemed so human. So kind. You felt so comfortable, he made you feel so comfortable.

The sound of the hooves against the dirt, this mans light breathing against your ear, the warmth soaking from him to you, his hand pressing you close, the way he looked down at you, amking sure you were comfortable. How he seemed to hover, to protect. Like a father should. At least thats what you thought.

You stared at him, and his eyes locked with yours, a small smile flashing at you. It just made him squeeze you tighter, god, it was just so endearing, so adorable how you stared. You looked so much like neytiri.

It only took a few minutes of him holding you for you to fall unconscious, probably because of the excessive blood leaving your system, or the physical attatchment you were already beginning to feel, or the lack of sleep. Either way, you ended up dozing off, and curling closer to him.

---

Once again, you had to peel your eyes open, but this time it wasnt as unpleasant. Instead of a muddy, veiny floor, covered in bugs, in agony. Instead, you were wrapped in some kind of cocoon, on top of a warm blanket or some kind of plant.

There was a woman sitting next to the pod you were in, smashing down some string smelling plant in a bowl. Her eyes were so green, and she was so beautiful. When she noticed you were awake, she put the bowl down, and hovered closer.

“That is my son, nateyam” the woman pointed to you, or more to the thing under you, in which you had previously mistaken for a plant, but instead, which you probably shouldve realized sooner. Was a navi. He looked to be a few years older than you, at least 17 or 18.

You shifted and sat up, trying to exit the cocoon, but to your embarrassment, your foot got caught in the edge, and you flew over, the boy you had been lying on top of grabbed you and hoisted you back up. You shook his hands off and stood up. Now realizing that there were other navi around too, they also looked young, maybe a family?

The man from earlier, who you assumed was their leader of some sort, appeared around behind the woman, and wrapped his arms around her waist with a smile, holding your gaze. You panicked, understanding now that you were with a bunch of strangers, and your parents, if they even cared, probably thought you were dead.

“I- i have to get back- they wont know that im okay-” you croaked out, your voice was hushed, and rough, like youd been screaming for hours on end, you shook nateyams hands off of you, and stood up straight, meeting the woman in the eye, she looked worried.

“Who is they? Do you have family where you live?” the woman answered, clearly she was his wife, or his mate, as they would call it. She had a thick accent, and a strong voice, commanding. So that man, jake, he couldnt be a native, he talked l

“Uh- yeah- i guess. I lived where the labs were. Uh- the humans? They have a building somewhere- i don't know-” you rushed out, not knowing how long youd been gone, they mightve already pronounced you dead. Meaning they wouldnt look for you. The boy behind you hushed you, tryign to calm your panic, and placed a hand on your shoulder. Only for you to shrug it off.

The navi around locked eyes, contemplating their next words. of course they knew where the humans stayed, jake lived there for half a year, they hated them, when they werent burning down their forests, they were killing their animals, their people. They would kill you. You couldnt go back. Even if it meant lying to you.

“There havent been humans on this planet for a long time”

What

What were you supposed to do now?

Where were you supposed to go?

You were stuck.

Oh god.

———————————————————————

Can somebody please comment with an honest opinion- I’m gonna take this down if y’all think it’s bad.

I think I’m being coo coo for cocobonks insecure right now but I need to know.

Thanks for requesting, and for reading! Have a wonderful day!

#platonic #x reader #jake sully #avatar #neytiri #avatar x reader #avatar x you #jake sully x reader #neytiri x reader #sully family #sully family x reader #platonic x reader #x reader platonic #father x daughter #nateyam x reader #pandora #eywa #platonic yandere #platonic obsession #soft yandere #yandere platonic #yandere soft

[ithinkitsleon]

a/n: idk what this is, i think i got divine motivation from the holy trinity to write something, this is a little draft tho, i may write some more things later and i didnt use the translator so my apologies for incoherent sentences or grammar mistakes

obs: pure angst or anything similar, i decided to write this just bc i would take care and defend leon with all i have (a pair of headphones and a lip gloss), i love this man so much and the fact that i could gobble & savor him like a meal in seconds makes me [inaudible noises] + i go feral over men crying

you and Leon were arguing a few minutes ago about some stupid things he was doing around the house like letting wet towels sit soaked on the bed, all kinds of clothes thrown on the floor that went from shirts to socks and underwears.

you told Leon he looked like a little boy who still needed to be supervised by his mother. Leon shouted back saying you are so annoying that makes him want to rip his hair off his head and die, still he wasn't entirely lying, you could really be insufferable sometimes.

but that in some way hurt you. as a quick response you said you wished you had never met him, that made the poor guy go silent for a couple seconds and he didn't take much to burst into tears and run to his room to lock himself there and lay on his bed until he disappeared inside the mattress.

Leon's life was falling apart since his position as a rookie working on RPD was getting to his nerves, when he had to deal with stupid paperwork, sweeping and mopping the floor all the time, delivering cups of coffee and it got worse when he needed to listen to his boss screaming at him for nothing at all, just for the fun of humiliating young cops. and he thought having you by his side could help him go through hell and back.

but when Leon met you, the first thing that crossed his mind was that God decided to take pity on him and sent and angel to take care of him. you are his safe place, his font of energy when he feels down or tired, you are his light, that showed him the right way avoiding him to drown in his own obsessive and negative thoughts. Leon loved you. in the purest and genuine way you could ever imagine. he was willing to do anything for you. he would die for you, kill for you, lie for you, he would do and any possible and impossible thing to show you his value. even humiliate himself like he did when you found him drunk with his face soaked in tears, sitting on the floor of the garage at the police station begging you to give him a chance.

now Leon was laying on his bed, all curled up in his heavy white blanket, desperately crying his heart out wondering why you said that to him, was he such a terrible person after all ? maybe you were right. maybe he let his troubled life interfere on his attempts of building the relationship of his dreams with you. maybe. he'll never know.

from outside the room you could hear the loud and agonizing sobs that left his throat whenever he tried to recompose himself, failing on the next minute when he started crying again this time choking on his own saliva and coughing right away. seeing Leon like this made you feel awful, you loved him back too but the reason why you acted so bossy and with authority almost all the time was just because you wanted to take care of Leon like a mother, not in a creepy way obviously, you just wanted to see him doing well and being capable of dealing with his professional life at the same time he needed to hold his head in place doing simple house tasks. you decided to let Leon rest for the rest of the day leaving him unbothered.

it's not the first time that arguing like this happened with you two. you avoided at maximum to not argue with Leon, he hates serious discussions and you know that. the only thing that's left for you now is to come up with a excellent excuse to calm him down.

otherwise you'll never see Leon Kennedy in your life again, after completely shattering his little heart that took him lots of time to recollect some parts, now it would take him almost an eternity to stop himself to think and feel like a total loser.

(just saying that i decided to write leon mopping and sweeping floors bc i remembered that here in brazil the rookies that join the army most of the time paint sidewalks and trim trees 🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️)

#sub leon kennedy #leon kennedy #re2 leon #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x y/n #leon kennedy x you #leon s kennedy #leon kennedy smut #sub leon kennedy smut #resident evil #leon kennedy resident evil #resident evil smut #sub!leon #re2 smut #re2 #re2 remake #re4 #re4 leon #re4 remake #re4 smut #resident evil 4

[tubchunk]

me spitting out all my thoughts here as i watch tubbo's vod

"YEP innocent" "innocent to me" yeah like qtubbo doesnt give a shit if fred is bad, he will burn it all down to find her

"its time for me to step into the sun, you know? and who cares if everyone else burns?" HOLY FUCKKKKKKKK TUBBO??????

"this is more than a villain arc, this is a lifestyle adjustment" oh qtubbo you are going to fly so close to the sun and youre going to burn and i am here for it all

"you wrong me? you're not gonna be around to tell the tale" HES SODHDJDBFBFJ QTUBBO ENJOYERS WE ARE SO BACK

"this is not a story of villains and heroes, this is a story of revenge" WHAT WAS IN HIS FOOD TODAY WHAT WAS HE ONNNNN LINE AFTER LINE IS HITTING

qtubbo knowing the server underestimates him and is now ready to show what he really is capable of YOU GO BABYGIRL

"this is a conflict where there arr no winners, just mutually-ensured destruction" goddamn he is on it today

GIRL 26 STACKS OF TNT?????????

"anything to get the upper hand, am i right?" AND THEN MENTIONING THE FED OFFICE WARP PLATE IS ACTIVE OH MY GODDDDDDD FED QTUBBO ERA????

"in my own experience, the members of the islandhave been much worse to me than the federation ever has been" oh my gOD YES QTUBBO FEELING THE FED PUNISHMENTS ARE STILL "JUSTIFIED" CUZ THERE WERE RULES BROKEN BUT THE ISLANDERS HAVE BEEN POKING AT HIM FOR THINGS HE CONSIDERS UNNECESSARY OH VILLAIN ARC TIME IS REALLLL

HE CALLED FRED "THE ONE PERSON I CARE ABOUT ON THIS SERVER" IM SICK TO MY STOMACHDBDBFGBDBFJFJ

qtubbo deciding that morning crew doesnt need to know about what hes gonna do, cuz theyll always be his boys :(

"i think we show them a healthy does of regret" his qcellbit is coming out !!

just imagining qtubbo with his airpods in as he is dramatic, bumping classical music

"the suit stays on until he's found, safe and alive" thr fact that qtubbo does all this, still in thr suit for his date GOD its so sad

that post that said qtubbo, a machine guy, tearinf every block down by HAND is important cuz that shows how genuinely furious he is. cuz he needed to feel the catharsis of tearing it all down himself.

why did he research warp plate mods to figure out where fred is😭😭 gay love stories are getting out of hand

"i made a promise today. i said i would break every block he has ever placed. *i* will break. fire wont break. tnt wont break. *i* will break." holy fucking shittttttttt he got possessed by qtubbo

FIT LMAOOOOO

qfit noticing and asking why qtubbo was at quackity's but as qtubbo askes him to leave him be, he did. he knew qtubbo would come to him when he wanted to.

COY PISO INTERMISSION!!!

qtubbo's action plan just being pushing qquackity over the edge that is so fucked up and i am here for this downward spiral !!

"i could mentally destroy him until hes a quivering ball of tears and regret on the floor" HOLY FUCK???????

"youre trying to turn me against the federation while actively doing thr same exact thing they're doing, the fucking hypocrisy" GOD i think qquackity is justified in his reasons BUT QTUBBO ISNT WRONG HERE!!!! IN HIS EYES, WHY WOULD YOU SAY THEYRE BAD AND THEN DO THR SAME THINF AS THEM???

him still saving all the stuff qquackity got from the eggs and others cuz "those seem important" GOD

"he doesnt need a hoise, cuz home is where the heart is. and i feel like thats a lesson he ought to learn. too bad that his is dead and cold" QTUBBO HOLY?????

"its like you never existed at all. thats my mission" girl youre speedrunning that descent into insanity and evil and i love you for it

"youre crazy. maybe i am! i dont give a shit!" wow hes so aware

"i didnt have a purpose before. but now its to make sure quackity never has a mark on this server" he didnt have a purpose and now, after losing fred, his purpose is to make qq pay holyyyy

"i never said i was morally grey, i said i would fuck up all his shit" LETSGO BABYGIRL

HIM GOING TO THE FED OFFICE TO PoSSIBLY SNITCH, CUZ THE ENEMY OF HIS ENEMY IS HIS FRIEND

NOT THE SERVER RESTART STOPPING HIM LMAOOOO

him literally saying he doesnt care and the enemy of his enemy is his friend yoo

qtubbo not being silly and walking into fred's office and just quietly moving on STOPPPPPP

NOT THE LORE SPOILERSSSSS LMAO

RETURN OF CUCURUCHO OFFICE PODCASTTTTTTTTT

"if youve become as bad as the thing you are trying to destroy to destroy it, yourr not better. youre just a replacement" BARS 🔥🔥🔥

qtubbo's voice instantly softening looking at fred's office and the desk plant he got STOPPPPP THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME

him replacing the flower on fred's desk with a poppy :(((

QTUBBO REPLACING THE WARP AT HIS HOUSE TO THE FED OFFICE OH I CAN FEEL HOW THIS GOES DOWNHILL

"why do i bother making anything to help the server? this is the thanks i get" oh yeah he is fully turning against everyone soon

oh god convo with qfit

oh i know qfit is concerned hearing qtubbo talk this way but theres nothing he can do to make him change his mind, so he just stays by him

"just to watch him. not say a word. just watch him" WATCHER QTUBBO??????

oh qtubbo is actuslly scaring me rn

"theres an old sayinf that 'if youre on the quest for revenge, dig two graves" "thats alright. i dont care if i burn as long as he does as well. maybe ill dig 3 graves. maybe ill take some other people along with me on the way" HOLY FUCKCJDJFJDJFJFJDJFJ QTUBBO YOURE INSANE I LOVE YOU SO BAD

"so i take there was no date?" "i was invited on one. it was real to me" GODJDDHFB IM GONNA END IT ALL

qfit still reassuring qtubbo that fred is okay, he still cares for qtubbo so much thats someone he has grown to care for

TUBBO SHOWING FIT WHAT HE DID TO QUACKITY'S HOUSE AND SAYING "like i said. like he never existed" AND THEN JUST BOUNCED????? GIRL.

qtubbo gaslight gatekeep girlboss

"is it more satisfying to destroy a person. or watch them destroy themselves?" AND WE ARR WATCHING AS QTUBBO ALSO DESTROYS HIMSELF BIT BY BIT OOOOOOOOH

his ass spoiling stuff again😭😭

snack break!

PHIL HOUSE TIME

qtubbo instantly leaving when he sees quackity joined and fred joined god

the curse of bad nees bringer tubbo about to strike again with wilbur LMAO

distracted to spy on wilbur so real

QUIRKYDUOOOOOO

qtubbo just carrying thr flower from fred's office in his offhand im sick

qtubbo warning qpac that he may hear some stuff about him that isnt true i. coming weeks, and qpac saying he trusts qtubbo 100% MORNING CREW MY FAMILYYYYYYY

PAC MY BELOVEDDDDD

not pac and tubbo arguing over who has to break the news to wilbur lmaoooooo

qtubbo qquackity's biggest hater rn

damn im sad tubbo crashed before the event but that laptop was hanging by a THREAD

#q!tubbo #qsmp #qsmp tubbo #qsmp liveblog

[thepalaceofharuhime]

Hmmm…

Looking at your fandoms, I can’t help but think some sort of Bingqiu in Spy X Family (or a SxF Xianxia fusion) could be super fun!

The question is… what would their roles be.

Assassin Luo Binghe, or spy Luo Binghe… and which of them gets gender swapped. 🤔

Oh!! Maybe Shen Yuan was meant to be an ally of the female half of the main duo, Liu Mingyan, but through shenanigans he somehow ends up with her role instead, and the System demands he fake marry Binghe anyway. 😂

This is exactly the kind of prompt i was hoping for! TY!!! 🙏

The way i see it Binghe would definitely be the assassin, Shen Yuan is too big of a softie not to mention one who so easily put on the mask of another man before so he would definitely be the spy.

But also being oblivious to feelings yet a capable badass, bad in the kitchen, feeling inadequate as a partner? All Shen Yuan. Binghe with his protagonist Halo meanwhile would fit better with Mr. All around perfect Husband. So i guess it'd be a little like Yor and Loyd had switched professions.

Shen Yuan's over protective brother in a position of power? I wonder who that would be? Enter Shen Jiu haha. Rather than secret police he'd be a detective looking in to all the murders rather than keeping state secrets from spies though. To keep that rivalry between him Binghe. The family member Binghe became an assassin to provide for? His mom. The gardener AKA the guy who hired him and hands him his missions? Meng Mo. Franky,the spy's funny informant and gadget supplier, occasional babysitter and not to mention bestfriend? Shang Qinghua.

I dont know if i should replace Fiona with Liu Quinge as Fiona's character really would fit Binghe better. But Liushen is a weakness of mine even if onesided and those two were just made for coworker romances. Maybe I should give Binge someone trying to woe him too? Sha hualing? Then if i dont go with your other idea of having SY transmigrate in to Liu Mingyan (which i am saving up in my head because i absolutely love the idea) then i can add something in the background with her and Sha hualing. I'm positive i could find a way to write in Mobei for SQH or i could go with Scumplane and have him end up Shen Jiu and actually yeah that would work, need to distract SJ long enough for Bingyuan to get it on afterall. Oh what about SQH x SJ x LQG? Or should Shen Yuan get a second husbandafterall? Alternatively imagine LQG crying over a bowl of icecream.

Next question is if SY didnt transmigrate into LMY then who is he? What about Ning Yingying? Who could be SJ's little sister in this world? Or he couldve just been put in there as a female version of himself. Or like it was with Shen quingiu a character who vaguely resembles him and has a similar name. She just happens to be a woman though. Or maybe go with the mulan aproach and have him crossdress? But then how does he explain to his brother that he's suddenly - he could say that he's in love with binghe and the only way to marry him was fake his papers to pretend to be a woman since queer marriage isnt yet allowed in their fictional country. Like no one cares if they date its just they havent gotten to the legalisation of marriage yet. And if SJ asks why they had to get married so suddenly anyway (cuz no way in hell is SY getting away with saying he forgot to tell him for a year) he could say that they had to so they could adopt their daughter. Who in this case scenario could be Ning Yingying, should she still have Anyas powers? damian could be Ming fan or the little palace girl or whatever (im not yet far enough in the books to now her and the old man that well so id have to check the wiki) and i could make the palace master donovan desmond and have SY and LBH team up to take him down in the end.

Anyways yeah these are just some ideas, and again thanks for the prompt! I can't wait to write this! Maybe i'll draw something for it later too. ❤️

#mxtx svsss #svsss #svsss fanfiction #svsss au #luo binghe #luo bingge #luo bingmei #fanfiction #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #shen jiu #liu qingge #liu mingyan #ning yingying #sha hualing #shang qinghua #spy x family #spy x family au #fake marriage

[johannwolfgangvongoethe]

Some Personal Thoughts on Disability in Enstars

disclaimer: disability is a very broad term that covers many different experiences. i will be talking about physical disabilities since i feel most comfortable doing so/have experience with them. obviously that ignores a Huge part of what disability and chronical illness is and can be. but i think it is beyond my capabilities to talk about experiences i don't know much about.

alt caption: i think ritsu is a good character and im trying to explain to myself why

this is sort of a long post, sorry.

content warnings: i talk about ableism and touch on related topics such as dehumanization and objectification and such below. individual parts of this post have their own cw's.

Enstars Writing, Beloathed

to get this out of the way; it is bad sometimes. this is discussed very often. it doesnt depend on the authors either, in my opinion, some writers will hit you with something really troublesome only to (seemingly accidentally) invent human emotion and compassion in a different story. i dont want to repeat what others have said eloquently but there is a fair amount of imperialist worldviews, xenophobia, just racism really, transphobia, ableism, and copaganda to be found in enstars. this isnt about x character being x thing, but about how it is very noticable when the author of a story holds these worldviews and they bleed into their stories.

so that is not the greatest foundation if youre looking for well-written disabilities. but i wouldnt be reading enstars if i didnt think it genuinely is really really good sometimes. in my opinion, the way disabilities are portrayed is a mixed bag overall but there are some extremely worthwhile bits that touched me quite a lot.

What I personally understand as Well-Written Disability

the way disabled people suffer often goes unnoticed, and disabled people dont have a platform to talk about oppression. a lot of life-changing issues can go unnoticed to those unnaffected by them, even if they are in broad daylight: underfounded or entirely lacking healthcare, the way many healthcare systems are marketbased and ethics are prone to suffer bc of this (even under 'welfare' capitalism), a lack of equal marriage, the inaccessibility of the most basic and necessary facilities, financing care and the dependency on family/loved ones (both a logistical and psychological problem), the huge stigma against disabled people, etc, etc, you get me....

we need to write about people who need care, to keep them in mind at all times. disabled people are not a minority in a mathematical sense but in a hierarchical sense. it is naive to think of them as "a substancial percentage" of populations. as we age, we inevitably all enter the stage of needing care at some point. SO to an extend, i want to claim its a topic that affects every single person. yet disabled people are rarely a central topic anywhere. it is not enough to acknowledge them, we need to plan and think with them in mind. and Write with them in mind, i guess.

SO when i see fiction grapple the topic, i am usually really happy, even if the portrayal isnt ideal. (critical, maybe, but generally speaking very happy) pointing out "badly" written disabled characters is obviously not as easy as calling someone out for uncritically saying "i think eugenics are a good idea!!!" through fiction. people with that sort of facist mindset exist of course but ableism does not end there.

if i were to single out things i see often: i think the most disappointing thing a story can do is to - mention a disability without it ever having an impact on people in the story (-> the disability is basically nonexistent, has no impact or relevance, outside of a theoretical mention) OR - uncritically use a disabled character as a mere plot devise, without granting them the ability to speak (-> dehumanization, a lack of understanding that disabled people are, well, People. they do shit.)

and then of course there is fetishization, both in a literal sense and in an inspiration porn sense and the problem of turning disability into a caricature for jokes (either to other disabled people for their behaviour/body or to create a sense of satisfying superiority by laughing at them) but i feel like those problems explain themselves.

to apply these to very basic examples: i think often something like a robotic sci-fi prosthetic is not a good way to represent a disability because it fails to represent what people go through irl and provides a "magic fix" without repercussions. here is a really good post about it. about the plot device issue... i think it is similar to what people often criticise as "manpain". a disabled person will never appear or speak, they are demoted to being the reason an able-bodied character acts a certain way, like a lifeless accessory. this doesnt always have to be bad, esp if its just a sideplot! but it can get tiring if the audience never gets to learn about other aspects of the unseen character in question and we are only introduced to their suffering.

all of this to talk about gacha idol boys. it is how it is. anyway, this is roughly my mental state when i tackle enstars.

disclaimer 2: i am really just a kogaP. this influences which characters i encounter when reading. there are tons of stories i just never looked at and there is SO MUCh lore i just dont know about. please lemme know if you have additions to stuff i say/understand a character better/have related story recommendations! tl;dr the sakuma bit will be long.

disclaimer 3: i genuinely adore every single character mentioned below and am always excited to learn smth new about them. if i criticize writing, that has nothing to do with that character or their fans. it is about the writers.

the most obvious example. Eichi (content warning for brief mentions of self harm and suicidal ideation)

everything eichi does, he does with the knowledge he will most likely die young. that is a truly dramatic setup.

but before i get back to that thought. it always felt to me like eichis illness(/es) lack a certain sense of conciseness? i do not think you need to put a name and diagnosis on it for it to be relatable and real to readers, tbh!! though to achieve believability, there needs to be a good amount of consistency. what i can recall off the top of my head is the following:

he breaks down/straight up blacks out frequently due to weakness and dizzyness

measures were taken to secure his safety in those situations (the infamous Eichi-kun Gauge as seen in Element)

his stamina is seriously low

he coughs a lot

we saw him cough up blood (Daydream)

he relies on long hospital stays because his health needs to be monitored and/or supported this closely

he stays inside a lot (hinting towards problems with his immune system?)

being healthy enough to eat unhealthy food is a big deal to him, so there are dietary restrictions/it was necessary to precisely control what he eats

his grandfather, who died recently, is considered an outlier for how long he lived (so it IS hereditary)

which..... could be a lot of things...? or, more likely: a culmination of many things at once. if you have headcanons on eichis health, please lemme know!

but in addition to eichis terminal illness, there is a second quality to him that seperates him from most disabled people: he is extremely wealthy. and his wealth is fundamentally important to stories. usually illness and poverty go hand in hand, since incame is tied to the ability to work, which worsens an already bad situation. no matter how limited eichis actions are because of his body, the possibilties offered by his wealth make him a central figure in every overarching plot. in addition to this, his family is well aware of his consitution and he is a patriarchal leading figure to them, the head to their coporate hierachy. eichi is free of the things that usually rid the chronically ill of their safety and power: society (he is an idol and popular) and money (he is the richest boy in japan). if youd ask me, i think that while being chronically ill is of course physically taxing, the worse problem is the economic state it puts you in. eichi simply overcomes this? yes, he is terminally ill, his situation is terrifying. but he has an extraordinary amount of control while he lives. more than a poor yet able-bodied person may have.

his unique circumstances enable him to be incredibly active. this is so fun to read about in my opinion. its a fascinating setup to me. without casting any sort of moral judgement on his actions and the antagonistic role he plays; he is, excuse me for my phrasing here, a disabled power fantasy. (at least to me)

this is a double-edged sword to him. because of who he is as a person (ambitious, cunning, ruthless, diligent)

he lives in relative safety but his strong ambition and financial ability to fulfill his dreams tempt him to go past his limits. because his remaining lifetime is uncertain, the need to preserve the body he is given seems uneconomical (a mindset his upbringing and education as an heir to his family would have enforced imo) he is bound to break down sooner or later anyway. i think he begins to see himself and his body as a tool to achieve his goals and neglects spending time on anything BUT working towards them. so the moment he runs out of goals (like at the end of Element), his reason to "remain" becomes futile.

it really struck with me how he appears in Blackbird - emaciated, pathetic, purposefully neglected because he chose to be neglected and weak in an act of self harm bc denying medical attention (something that couldnt have happened otherwise) wataru has to remind him that no one died and the obvious connection to make is that the eccentrics are physically unharmed and starting over, that they should not be a source of guilt to eichi. but i think this is just as much about eichi himself. he might have expected to die since he left the hospital and overexhausted himself at school and as an idol. he didnt die though. it was a real possibility and seemed likely but he didnt. the neglect and indirect self harm here point out, to me, that he saw the "role" he gave himself as fulfilled at that point and waited to die.

eichi stands over economic or social factors that could ostracize and dehumanize him but funnily enough he manages to do so himself by treating his body as a tool and his happiness as an option that got overshadowed by a need to succeed.

this vulnerability makes him, despite how vague the descriptions of his illness are and despite how unrelatable his wealth is, a very satisfying character imo. it is engaging to me. certain limits are removed for him but he created new ones, specifically because he did not see himself as something worth sustaining once he becomes useless. imo, eichi applied the idea that a lifes worth can be measured in its ability to function in an industry to himself. and spiralled over it, entirely inverting his uncanny amount of bodily autonomy. it is clear how the situation he is in worsens his mental health like that. and how his mental health in turn worsens his physical health. it is inseperable.

i cant really get into !! era eichi because i genuinely just dont... know enough. the fine tradition of having a weekly H-Day stands out, though. after all, eichi has new bigger ambitions and is, once again, inviting his own ruin through overexhaustion. so his friends (the new addition of having friends is essential) had to forcefully make him stop for at least one day a week. that is pretty big. i think.

this is true for many marginalized existences so it of course applies to disabled people: if neither your surroundings nor yourself permit you to feel human and therefore assign your person an inherent worth and lovability... sometimes you need a friend to do so!!! social circles are the best support structure for your health.

The Sakuma Family

(i will get into ritsu and rei seperately later on. there are just a few concepts i want to get out of the way that apply to both of them.)

so... to get a little theoretical; the concept of "disability" relies on the concept of a "normative" human existence. "disability" is an otherness and can therefore easily be seen as a "monstrocity" in the eyes of ignorant people, something that instils fear. (there is a reason why a lot of horror exploits disabled bodies as a source of terror and uses mental hospitals as settings) from an able-bodied point of view it seems "desirable" to be a "normative human", yet the disabled person knows that is not a possibility and knows their worth and place as a human in human spaces. at least ideally. able-bodied people sometimes lack this understanding. there is nothing to be desired about an able body or fixed about a disabled body, beyond what medical care can do for ones quality of life.

if you have read operetta, this is all very familiar;

operetta, chapter 17 and, well, here we are. vampires. a very basic truth about the sakuma family that i hate to see denied is that they are human. there is nothing supernatural about them. they are just disabled. or, to turn the idea around, if one was to assign them vampiristic traits and such... is vampirism not a disability and should be taken seriously as such? if you consider the limits a vampire has while coordinating through their life, is that not... strangely just a disabled experience? (MINUS THE KILLING PEOPLE OBVIOUSLY but much modern fiction is sympathetic towards vampires instead and does not display them as violent)

anyway, to hear it from the horses mouth (the horse is rei):

operetta, chapter 19 the sakuma family is a curious case. their condition is hereditary though the severity varies from person to person. it comes up in many stories but for the most part i am thinking about operetta, resurrection sunday, and devils right now. how did this all start? what made an entire family turn to live as vampires, with blood ceremonies and all that? what bizarre kind of generational trauma is this?

(and, while it does not play a role as important as it did for eichi, they are rich. this is important to mention. many normal experiences just dont apply to them because wealth makes them immune. ... how did the sakumas become this influential anyway.)

for an unspecified but long time, an entire family managed to mentally entirely seperate themselves from the rest of humanity because of their chronical illness. personally, i have no doubt this is the result of a world that othered them first. whether the main motivator at play here is a defensiveness towards a society that cannot understand you or an internal need to turn hardships into an identity that can be carried with pride. it takes a considerable amount of emotional strength and planning for the "hey we are human actually" declaration in operetta to occur.

they are, weirdly, what people mean when they talk about a "toxic anti-recovery mindset". (an expression i struggle with because this sort of rhetoric is often used to discriminate against disabled people who speak up for themselves or ask for accomodations. but that aside) it is an amount of pride that leads to internal self destruction.

of course, as is the case with every single character i write about in this post, a lot of it has to do with aesthetics and being chuuni to sell gacha cards. so we know the reason behind the reason. but it makes for some bizarre in-universe implications.

but in any case, the fact that their identity as false vampires is something they have always carried, that modern society sees as "mystical and sexy" has a hilarious side effect: their disability becomes marketable under the guise of vampirism. it is hard to recover from that.

so again, we have a double-edged sword: to present ones medical condition as a "persona" declares it as a performative act, something that is done to bring joy to an audience. personal detriment is not considered here, since it stops being a part of ones being and starts to become "work". the time and place of ones symptoms has to overlap with the time and place of ones performances. or people will hate you for your uncontrollable illness. however, rei and ritsu are both also able to carry their condition with a sort of playfulness. it is almost something like the act of "reclaiming" when they purposefully choose to larp a little for fun. usually, when a scene mentions their disability in the context of comic relief, they have control over the situation that unfolds and even initiate it and invite others to laugh alongside them. this can be a slippery slope to getting harrassed of course.... but i am rather baffled by the amount of dominance they have in social interactions. so it just reads as a healthy amount of dark humour to me.

this, and the consistent writing of their symptoms, and the ability to easily compare it to real existing illnesses, easly make them my favourite instance of written disabled people in the series. their illness has an impact on their behaviour and it is detrimental! and they are both very human in the way they attempt to cope. there is a certain realism to it. idek.

many people seem to headcanon them with myalgic encephalomyelitis, which is a really good explanation, and i personally want to suggest narcolepsy. the point being, there is room to accurately assign them a realistic relatable and understandable condition, even if nothing is ever named in canon. and of course they are mentioned to have an iron deficiency.

bear with this slightly "out there" theory for a moment: have you or a friend ever tried to get a compensation for your disadvantage at school or uni? it can be really hard to do, if it is possible at all, even if it is something very simple (more time, a slightly different enviroment, the ability to drink or sit, etc) yumenosaki is a school for performance arts, mainly idols. bold statement: it might genuinely be easier to get/explain an accommondation for your "idol quirk" (something that would be actively fostered), than for your disability. not that yumenosaki is very strict or asks for a lot anyway, its just something that has been on my mind.

here is another funny thing i have been thinking about: both of them crave juice, soda, and fruit - sugary yet fresh stuff. i feel like this is not uncommon for people who suffer from excessive tiredness and fatigue, the body subconsciously wishes for some sugar intake to "wake up".

Inventing a Guy to Cope. Rei

funny title aside... he... did that... ? rei is a curious example of how different mostly unrelated traumas can overlap. he had no childhood, thanks to his family that considered him "mature" at a very young age and his early status as a child star. and his bad health is a miserable addition to this. it is quite scary to image how pressured to do right he felt growing up and how that resulted in the fragmented distanced way he views himself; reinventable, and ultimately unknowable. (to others AND himself)

despite his bad health he has always been working and performing "well". he was praised for his remarkable talents but rarely had the chance to stop and patch himself up. whether this was a result of a pushy enviroment or his personality as a people pleaser who cannot show weakness and imperfection is hard to tell. maybe both.

the state he is in in Crossroad is fascinating to me. he all but directly lists the criteria of depression to keito when he attempts to explain his sorrows. he is restless, rowdy, mentions later on that he enrolled in yumenosaki against his familys wishes. he is very much searching for joy and his own identity in the middle of a health emergency. this has to do with the way he was raised, only knowing how to exist for and serve others, how he was made to sell a made-up version of himself, but i also believe it has to do with the fact he has started to exclude himself from his familys traditions and values. he started to cast away the uncertain "monstrosity" existence of his family (as well as the false idolhood others assigned him) and instead embraces humanity as a chronically ill person.

crossroad, i forgor which chapters

this of course marks a starting point of change that later results in him making up the wagahai pronouns persona - something he specifically created with the intention of looking vulnerable and weak. because he yearned to do less, to recover from years of exhaustion.

in a way, i want to say both, the ore pronouns persona and the wagahai pronouns persona, are attempts to cope with expectations he cannot handle physically or mentally. one relies on masking, on appearing stronger than he actually is and therefore invulnerable, and the other relies on exaggerating his weakness, in an attempt to finally let others recognize it. i think as a disabled person, both are performances one has to learn in order to "function" in everyday life, while remaining safe from serious harm (doing badly at ones job or classes, angering others that hold power over your life). since ones circumstances are often hard to grasp for someone who does not share the same illness, there is no choice but to simplify and exaggerate until symptoms become tangible concepts or to just brave through it, at the cost of ones health and future time.

rei in particular, for better or for worse, is incredibly capable when he needs to be and unfortunately that means others will often not take his health seriously because they saw him function just fine the other day. this is a general problem but an obvious offender in that regard is koga, who comments on reis fatigue constantly and loves to create a bit of a high expectations toxic work enviroment (and, to be fair, rei terrorizes him too. kogas hostility towards rei is sometimes ableist but not really rooted in ableism. after all koga is highly aware how performative the wagahai persona can be and is a huge motivational and inspirational factor in reis life. its a whole complex)

!! era holds some positive changes. his mental need to please other people remains a persistent source of trouble for him (and others) but he seems to really let his body recover and lives a more nocturnal life. both kuro and kaoru mention that he looks more healthy (in succession match???? i think??) since he finally stopped enforcing a normal day/night cycle on his body just to comply with social norms. you can indeed be very human even if you break human-made rules.

(additional comment: "becoming human" is of course a theme for each of the eccentrics and not uniquely tied to disability, it very much has to do with the objectification one goes through as a public figure. but this is a post about disability and it really fits in well. so here we go)

Literally Just a Realistic Teenager. Ritsu

ritsu, while not really being among my favourite characters, is my favourite instance of a disabled character in enstars. partly because of his writing and partly because my personal experiences overlap with his so much it sometimes is painful - but always extremely satisfying. just had to get that out.

ritsu is perhaps the most visibly ill. he blacks out and sleeps where he stands, everywhere, without control and often requires other peoples (well, mostly maos) assistance in order to remain safe when this happens. he also repeated a year of school, specifically because of his disability.

he is painfully aware of this. that he looks ill, that he behaves ill, that he is an underachiever compared to others of the same age, even to people younger than him.

ritsu developed unique behaviours to deal with this: he is very dependent and clingy and often asks others to do things for him, unapologetically. that does not mean asking for help doesnt hurt his pride, just that it is the most viable strategy for everyday survival that he ended up with. other than that, he clings more to the vampire identity than rei does. either to defy his older brother or, and this is important imo, because it is the one safety net he has to fall back on that makes him feel "normal" and like he is a regular being. albeit not human. no matter how much others might blame him for his shortcomings or how much he is a failure in the eyes of society, he is very regular for a "vampire". under the logic developed by his family, he is just a child, and the world at large is to blame. it is an easier truth to accept than facing systematic injustice and prejudice in a human world.

the stories i mentioned in another part above aside, i really love what ensemble band does for him; ritsu gets extremely irritated with mao in the prologue, seemingly out of nowhere. his character is allowed to express this sort of anger and to take it out on others, even if it is unjust and misguided. it is not pretty and it isnt good behaviour but it is a very heartfelt emotion to me.

its obvious that he cannot compete with others and that this will always been seen as his personal fault instead of a circumstance he cannot influence. and more than that: no one appreciates the real efforts he makes. for instance, getting himself out of bed in time for classes is difficult for regular teenagers and straight up hellish for ritsu. but he manages to do so a lot later on. instead of acknowledging that this is a real accomplishment on his part and possibly really exhausting and bad for his comfort in the long run, this is seen as doing the bare minimum.

while it is not correct, the malice ritsu sometimes treats others with comes from an comprehensible place. able-bodied ignorance can appear as purposeful slights made by those more privileged than him.

yet he learns to conform. his friends are important to him. knights success is important to him. (thought mental health probably played a role here too and made things even harder prior to his third year of high school) and yet;

seven bridge, chapter 24, but its really just an example i had at hand

the remarks stay the same. his peers still cannot help but brand him as "just lazy", even if they are kind and understanding otherwise and habour no ill intent. so i would like to ask: how long can he keep this up? how hard is this on him?

i dont think i need to explain just how common and hurtful it is to be accused of "laziness". probably the single most irritating comment someone with fatigue will hear every single day.

however, on the flipside, ritsu has perhaps the most people who care for him in comparison with other characters, though they sometimes complain (communication is hard, care is hard, everyone in enstars is very young and i cannot bring myself to see those comments as malice. its a mixture of ignorance and ones own burdens) there is mao, obviously. tsumugi is a very funny example. knights, of course, in particular naru. (at least based on my humble knights readings)

quite interesting how he just decided mao is his caretaker, now and in the future. i shared a few of my thoughts on caretaking here. this is.... a huge responsibility to just put on someones shoulders, to say the least. he shouldnt be doing this but i think it speaks for itself that this is a problem that is on his mind. ITS IS A REALLY IMPORTANT TOPIC TO BRING UP, especially since, the younger you are, the harder it is to get insurance to pay for your care. yes, he is often just teasing mao, but ritsu is looking for ways to get through life. by learning to be as independent as possible, whenever possible. though often you really just find yourself at the mercy of friends and family.

Inter-Sibling Violence

apologies, i will be done with the sakumas soon. i didnt know how to fit this in at the start.

the relationship between rei and ritsu, as people with the same disability who experiences different symptoms and challenges, is worth thinking about. infighting within people of the same disability is very common since experiences can be so different, there are no universal truths or opinions. with different lifestyles come different expectations for what is "normal" and sometimes pressure and social norms can cause someone to shift blame onto others who have no achieved the same things in life.

rei and ritsu are said to have been very close as small children and likely depended on each other a lot. i can see how reis fostering nature and ritsus needy nature developed alongside each other and enforced each other.

time and time again, rei says that he is a "less severe" case, that ritsu has it worse. he jets around the world because he feels forced to do so, when ritsu just wanted emotional support from him to begin with. ritsu stayed alone at home, sheltered and likely caged by their families convictions. but! i want to suggest the following: as much as it hurt him, it was important for reis health to be away from his family, too. i dont think staying there would have been good for him. his absence and the experiences he made away from home were an important catalyst for the positive family development we see in operetta.

of course, rei means well. he cares. he is trying to have a positive impact. yet from ritsus point of view, all of this must feel terribly condescending, especially with how much rei babies him. there is just one year between them. this is barely anything when it comes to sibling inferiority complexes the brain can make up. rei, who is successful and famous and beloved and, most importantly, proclaims to have it "easier than him", is trying to find a cure for him. from ritsus point of view this must be unbearable. their lives are so different when they basically started at the very same point of origin.

more than that, rei shoulders the sketchy blood rituals himself, out of love of course, but if one was more jaded, one could assume he doesnt think ritsu would be able to stomach the responsibility.

you will always compare yourself to your siblings in unhealthy ways but ritsu is just doing this on hard mode, i fear.

HHHRAGAHHHH GHHH ghgghrhgh. Niki

nikis writing is... driving me up a wall sometimes, to say the least. dont get me wrong, i love him. to an extend i understand that his single-mindedness and shallowless has purpose to it. in fact, i adore these character traits. he really seems to be behind four mental barriers at all times, unable to let deeper thoughts touch him, lest they make him succumb to despair. (yet nikis specific flavour of menhera cannot quite shine since... well, he has to stand next to himeru all the time)

the descriptions we get of nikis illness are nonsensical, at least to my knowledge. you could imagine he has something like hyperthyroidism. this never really gets explored though. at some point ENGstars mentions he has "gastroptosis or whatever" (the "or whatever" is part of his dialogue - niki really doesnt give a fuck), which makes no sense at all. weirdly enough, it would even be strangely in character if this was just a misconception.

so, can anyone take niki to a doctor? has this happened and i just wasnt there for it? there is no excuse why no one is considering medical care when it comes to him. except that he often is the butt monkey of jokes the writers want to make and has to stay available for it. more than that; his parents just left him alone like this? as a child? did he get an allowance at least? this cannot be legal, right? i wait for the day this comes up as a topic but i fear it is in vain. (please tell me if it actually did. i dont follow niki that closely) this is an unbelievable thing to do to a healthy child, yet alone one with a severe illness. we are basically looking at denial of assistance.

so many things surrounding nikis story are designed to make him as miserable as possible. i cannot help but feel that he exists purely as comic relief, for funny bickering, and superficial drama. i dont really like that at all, his misery just gets exploited.

EVEN SO... his self-image is actually really fascinating. as rinne likes to point out again and again, niki has no self-worth. he works two jobs, one of which he hates, he constantly gets into dangerous situations, and he will do anything just for some crumbs, and quickly forgets when others treat him badly. and of course, the worst bit:

es!! main story, please dont make me go find it

to some degree, he just accepts this as something he deserves. there is no consideration for his own quality of life, somewhere along the lines it seems like he got conviced just surviving is all he gets. he internalized self-degredation to a dangerous degree and i never see anyone mention this mental affliction specifically as a comorbidity of his disability. to me, there is without a doubt a relation here. sure, maybe he would still fight with this otherwise, just because he had to witness his fathers fall from grace as a child and knows there is a stigma attached to his name now. but i think you can tell it is more than that, from the way he is ashamed to beg (even in a life or death scenario, as seen in hot limit), as if his condition was his own fault.

this circles back to the point i made earlier for eichi; how much nikis life is worth, is measured in his economical value.

of the characters i have spoken of so far, nikis is financially the most accurate to real life. there is no safety net for him, no convenient family wealth.

(at this point it feels important to mention that somehow rinne manages to be the only person entirely aware of the danger and desires to change nikis mindset, YET he is a huge strain on nikis health. i dont know how those two function.)

Just a Lamb. Tatsumi

tatsumis specific trauma is a unique one: while most other characters struggle with conditions they were born with or developed as they grew up, tatsumis injury is the result of strain and violence. those are two different pairs of shoes, though the outcome may be similar. whether it is worse to be born into circumstances you cannot escape or to have to live with having something thrust upon you unfairly is up to personal judgement. pain is not really quantifiable. its just important to keep in mind, i think. under the circumstances tatsumi grew up in, he has his own burdens. it is very easy in many ways to compare and contrast him with eichi. of course this applies to how they used their bodies too: as an expandable resource. they had ideals for their school life (and beyond) that just seemed far more important and they both ended up in hospital because of this. (+ we know tatsumis surroundings were purposefully manipulated to destroy him)

and, of course, tatsumi got attacked later on. he never really talks about it directly but his legs seem to talk for him, in ways.

the story does not quite make it clear whether his occasional weakness and pain are the result of old injuries or entirely psychosomantic, and i dont think there is a real need to know, as a reader. in fact, in a certain light, i think it can be considered good that we dont know for certain: it would be relevant for tatsumi himself, sure, since it would influence which kinds of treatments and help he can seek out. however, i think the ambiguity may foster a certain level of sympathy in readers.

often psychosomatic problems are not taken seriously enough in real life: they cannot be proven physically and they dont fit into the neat little boxes that the ICD wants you to believe exist, so they cannot be defined on paper or easily explained to doctors or insurance providers.

to foster empathy with his situation requires his character to be lovable and for the narrative to treat him with care as well. which is thankfully the case. alkaloid are dear with him and, despite the fact he cannot perform in his work enviroment all the time, he is very respected for his other skills. he is a well-rounded person.

all that aside. it is absolutely worth to mention tatsumi pre-injury, too. he came up with a form of small-scale universal income among a semi-union at school. without getting too much into all that. (obbligato really seems like required lecture in the realm of enstars stories) the entire concept strives for social equality and is extremely anti-discrimination. it fundamentally goes against the idea that someone needs to "deserve" care, and is the opposite of the mindset i described with eichi and niki above. he never had to make first-hand experiences with disability to be extremely compassionate. this seems really rare among people in real life, even those who preach altruism.

While we are Here. K.... Kaname

as mentioned, i spoke a little about kaname before. so i wont get into the complex of caregiving.

it is extremely satisfying we got to meet kaname, if only for one event story. he does not have to remain a faceless motivation behind himeru and tatsumis lives, he thankfully became humanized.

the entire conflict around kaname at the moment is a matter of bodily autonomy. how much of your person can be in anothers hand, ethically? there is no excuse for the theft of his (idol) identity through himeru but the damage is done now. ideally, you dont want any part of yourself to depend on others but the disabled reality is that this is very often impossible. especially for kaname. there simply is no one else who could be responsible for him right now and, to be fair, at least when it comes to medical care, himeru seems to behave very responsibly.

repeating what has been said in the other post but i am worried for kanames seemingly inevitable reintroduction to the story. he has been in a comatose state for a year. if he wakes (since this is fiction, it is possible to exchange 'if' for 'when', realistically it really would be an 'if' though) he would most likely be confronted with permanent neurological and physical damage and years of rehabilitation. at least logically. (not to mention the psychological shock) would this be written with compassion and a sense of realism? it makes for a compelling source of conflict and emotional hardships that could be extremely worthwhile to explore. i just cant entirely bring myself to trust the writers with this one but i would love to be convinced otherwise.

that is, of course, if they dont somehow just skip rehabilitation entirely and declare it a miracle healing.....

imo, the in-game discourse between characters is just as important as his future development. i just really hope autonomy and recovery will be large topics.

He doesnt go here, but. Adonis

so bringing him up just really feels necessary within the context of this post because of his interests. one of adonis hobbies is sign language and accessibility.

this is, i think, maybe the best thing they ever did with his "protector" persona. it just fits so well, it is a direct conversion of ideals to actions. knowing undead songs have been translated for a deaf audience in canon is extremely wholesome and uplifting, even if it is entirely inconsequential for the story and just something that gets mentioned.

(now that sandstorm is out on engstars, you can check that out too for further mentions of this! if i could wish for one thing, it would be for the stories to acknowledge that there are tons of independent sign languages and i would love to know which one adonis and rei speak... you ever think about how adonis speaks like four languages fluently. at least.)

nightless city live, chapter 3

everyone in undead loved that and supported the vision. to see koga, who is usually against anything but musical performances and wishes to express art freely, praise the idea really puts deaf identity and accessibility in a great light. it is a very positively radical forwardthinking idea.

so, i just wanted to mention that. adonis is treated horribly by the narrative a lot, it entirely fails to grasp his identity and is insensitive towards foreign cultures, but i would die for him i think.

finishing thoughts

like mentioned, please absolutely let me know if you have different related ideas or recommendations. or corrections, or worries over something i wrote!!! learning and improving is always great. i am sorry i could not get into so many other characters, the ones i wrote about are those that i feel confident enough to comment on. in the future i would love to meet maguro!! i just havent really read any mama stories at all :'''3

i feel like i barely said anything at all and barely engaged with text enough since i didnt get into any character specifically. i would love to write another post about ritsu or rei or both. a draft for it has been sitting around for ages (as did the draft for this post, lol) but i hope someone will find an interesting thought in here somewhere.

all in all, enstars is actually... surprisingly nice to read for the disability in there??? even if it is disappointing in handling many other things. of course, the writings not always ideal (i read hidden beast just the other day and the ableism in there took years off my life) but often its really nice. nothing hits quite like seeing real emotions and experiences through some metaphorical stylized anime lense, you feel.

anyway thank you for listening. i am actually for real done now.

#enstars #ensemble stars #enstarsposting #did i overreact and write too much..... ah... nay......

[lex-drinks-blood]

So... Maybe You're Bi?

Steve Harrington x Male Reader: obligatory "helping steve find himself" oneshot, AU where you both work at the video store together with rob, Steve also may or may not know he likes you before making this discovery...👀

Warnings: none?

Notes: I'm not in the mood to proofread this so I'm sorry for that but... here!

The tall male beside you pressed his hands to his temples and breathed a labored sigh.

"I'm just saying Harrington, maybe these supposed "babes and non-babes" are all babes!" you nudged his side with your elbow, which he did not seem to appreciate.

He took another deep breath, contemplating the former relationships he had with his close male friends and the thoughts that clouded his mind in the locker rooms at practice, he hated to admit that it seemed like maybe it was all adding up.

"Alright bozos," Robin interrupted, "as much as I'm sure I'd love to be included in whatever torture we are putting Steve through today, we have a whole stack of new shit to put out and I am not doing that by myself again!" as she spoke she wheeled over a cart full of new releases that needed to be priced and placed into their correct sections.

As much as no one in Home Video liked dealing with new releases, staring at the heap of tapes gave you an idea, "Hey Rob, you think you can keep up front running by yourself?"

"If you are even minutely implying that you and Steve are going to tackle these babies and leave me to run this peice-of-shit, cash-wrap, than I am absolutely capable Sir L/N," Robin bowed sarcastically as she concluded her strange response, but it meant your plan would go accordingly so you didnt take much time to ponder on it

"Thanks Buckley!" you planted a quick peck on her cheek that she quickly wiped off with her vest once you were out of sight, before tugging Steve away by his vest to the back to label tapes and unpack whatever was going on in that mess of a Harrington brain.

An agonizing 5 whole minutes passed in silence as the two of you quietly placed stickers on the tapes before placing them back on the cart and picking up a new one to repeat the process.

"Look, I don't want to force you to talk about this yknow? Especially cause yknow, I'm not the best with feelings and shit just cause I like dick but-"

Steve looked up from his tape, almost dropping it as the words left your mouth, "Waitwait, so you like guys?"

You looked at him inquisitively for a moment before going back to stickering tapes and speaking again, "Stevie, you are totally oblivious aren't you?" you chuckled to yourself.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing really, I think I just kind of assume everyone knows by now I guess. But to answer your question yes, I like guys. To put it your way, 'babes and non-babes alike'," this time you let yourself have a full, good laugh.

Steve followed suit and seemed to chuckled as well, seemingly relieved that the tension of the conversation had been broken up a bit.

He spoke up as he placed his tape back in the cart and rose to his feet, "I think that's the last one to label Y/N, wanna go set these out?"

You stayed sitting, leaving an uncomfortable space and height difference between the two of you that neither of you were used to, "Can I just ask you one... tiny, little, uncomfy question first, Harrington?"

Steve's body tensed a bit but he tried to act nonchalant, "Sure, today seems to be that kinda day already so, why not?"

"You sure?"

He was getting uncomfortable in his own skin now, being given more time to think about the space between you and how much he wanted to be close to you, how much he yearned to fill the space, how much he struggled to pull himself back to reality, "Yea man, go for it."

"Did you really never know? I mean, that I like dudes?"

Steve was frustrated that this was the question that you built up so much. Maybe he should have known sooner, but was it really such a huge deal? He fought to collect himself and managed to give a calmer response, "I mean, No. I just never thought about it I guess, yknow? Does that bother you?"

"I just- um. Well..." you struggled to find your footing in the words you wanted to say, so you settled on just blurting it out, giving up all elegance and grace, "I had a huge crush on you," your eyes stayed glued to the floor, waiting for his reaction.

Steve felt his heart melt. The boy he had been hiding his feelings from this whole time had actually liked him? Unbelievable.

He found himself approaching you slowly, like a scared animal he had found in an alley, "Y/N?"

You felt your leg start anxiously bouncing out of your control, but you decided to look up at him anyway, "Yea, Steve?"

"I'm gonna ask you to do something and I just need you to trust me ok? Is that ok?" You could see the subtle shake in his hands, hear the tremble in his voice, he was anxious in a way you'd never seen before and you had no idea what to expect.

"Okay. I trust you," and with that, your eyelids met and you were left in darkness to wonder what in God's name was going on.

You felt a gently trembling hand meet your cheek and before you could even think about what it meant for Steve to be cupping you like this, you felt his lips gently meet your own.

The kiss was nothing like you had expected from former King of Hawkins High. It was soft and gentle, the slightly chapped pillows of his lips were sweet on your tongue. He cupped his hand on your cheek and snaked his other around your waist and held you like you were fragile, like he was scared he could break you if he wasn't careful. And just as suddenly as it had started, it was over. His lips parted from yours and his hand slithered away from your waist, but his other remained on your cheek.

"I um... I'm sorry, I hope that was ok," he stammered, "You can open your eyes now."

When your eyelids separated from each other you realized that Steve was barely a couple inches away from your face, and his warm hand was still on your cheek, "That was more than okay, Harrington," you leaned in to place a quick kiss on his lips, showing him that you still wanted him with your eyes open.

"Cool... good to know," he sighed, this time relieved as he brushed his thumb over your cheek before readjusting his perfect hair.

You chuckled to yourself as he turned back to the cart and moved to the Documentary section, "Hey, wait up!"

"Well I wasn't planning on doing this by myself," he chuckled as you speedily walked to catch up to him.

"Hey, Harrington?" you whispered, almost like you were playing spies.

"Hey, what?" he whispered back, playing along as he placed the movies in alphabetical order.

"So... maybe you're bi?" you whispered, following suit in placing movies where they belonged.

"Yea probably," he paused for a beat, "I definetly like you though," he shot you a cocky smirk as he concluded.

"Yea yea whatever," you rolled your eyes, placing more movies in their rightful homes, "How is it that King Steve always gets what he wants?" you asked sarcastically.

He played coy, snaking behind you to place a movie just above your head as he placed a kiss to your neck, "I'm told I'm rather persuasive."

Robin walked to the back in hopes of letting you know is was closing time but had instead found the scene in front of her, "Oh jesus guys, get a room! You know Keith has cameras in here right!! Good god, I don't even get paid for this!"

"Oh shush Rob, just be glad he actually admitted it," you giggled from under Steve's arm as the three of you walked to clock-out.

Steve stopped in his tracks, "She knew before I did?!"

"Stevie... baby... we all did," you chuckled.

#steve harrington #steve harrington fluff #steve stranger things #steve harrington x male reader #steve harrington x reader #mlm steve harrington #bi steve harrington #home video steve

[cali]

who is princess xixi...will you tell us more about princess xixi? I feel a profound affection for her

great invitation for me to babble thank u um

i dont hjave any set setting or hard ideas for her cuz i dont like having concrete details for something like an oc- it doesnt mesh well with my head- so i made myself one that changes constantly. also i wanted to be as self indulgent as i could and made her some type of rlly powerful thing that manifests as a little brat heiress that loves playing and animals. i dont think ill ever create any reasons for why she would exist in my head but i like whenever stories have some type of entity thats just a manifestation of an ultrabig concept that is enacting its will with this conduit body to spread its influence so maybe she could be that. but i dont think ican boil her down to one ideal to represent. i think she likes staring at stuff endlessly, thinking of animals, making animals with her mind and drooling. i think while she has the capability to understand a lot of stuff she doesnt care to and seems kind of naive. like a ditzy popstar personality but also could breathe a hole thru you!! my mary sue hihi ummm what else... in the footlicker comic my idea was that the entire top right and bottom left of the pic is moreso her true body thats putting itself into the places that she needs to be in to interact with the maid liek marionette strings and wooden cross its strung on, the pic where she gives someone a headache the idea was that if she doesnt keep herself contained/composed her concept goes into ur head and is reallyhard to handle like the most complicated thought ever. anecdotes. i like that "how did u make that sound with ur mouth" type stuff where someone audibly says an emoji or something so i think she can speak like dat, like talk a speech bubble that is a row of clay pigeons getting shot and if she says that to u its like u lived that experience as maybe the 5th pigeon in the row. could be dreadful but i think if u were like im a clay pigeon my destiny is to get shot then itd actually be fun. exhilarating even. i think it would be very exhausting to be around her unless u have insane mental. u need buddha mindset like tyler1 or the maid. i typed a lot sory hgehehe well thanks for asking that. i hope that didnt ruin any mysteries? wellwhatever then its an invitation for me to create better mysteries ontop of the old one

#xixi

[dilucsfav]

Maybe Diluc simp fluff? Reader simping hard on Diluc? A bit like Dionna lol

OHHHH MYYYY GODDDDD A DILUC REQUEST??? SHITTTT IM SO SO EXCITED WHATTTTTT THE FUCKKKKKK

thank you so much for your request!!! this is so cute and i had a really good time writing about my fav darknight hero <33 for this one, i wasn’t sure if i should do headcanons for it or just a fic, so i did both hcs and a little scenario!!! hopefully this is what you wanted HJKSHSJJ-

warning(s): none!! just pure fluff.

Diluc is a very awkward, straight-to-the-point man. having somebody who’s semi-obsessed with him can be a little strange to him because he doesn’t think he’s capable of being loveable :(

lucky for you, he likes you and is interested in you!

you always intentionally go to the tavern when you know for sure he’s going to be working that day.

^^ that’s a free meal. seeing the man do the little bartender tricks and his sleeves rolled up and hahHhahahahdodoh.

at first, when you and diluc didn’t really know each other personally and he started seeing you every time he worked at the tavern, he noticed

—and he’d start up smaller conversation with you because he was interested in you, too.

It was an extremely slow process to get Diluc to start conversations with you, truthfully. but one day, he was asking you about yourself.

“What’s your name? … Ah, (Y/N)? That suits you. Where are you from then, (Y/N)? I notice you’re always in here.”

his soft voice and demeanor just makes your heart melt on the spot. It makes your cheeks feel all hot and your palms start sweating HES TOO PRETTY

you get all stuttery around him sometimes and he raises a brow to this. he thinks you’re just adorable

Frequent conversations appeared overtime in the tavern. and ofc, you just obsessed over him (you just like me fr)

^^ you wrote about how dreamy and handsome he was, tried making your appearance look better for him— hell, you even memorized the exact hand motions, in order, of each bartender trick he did

god you just loved him and couldn’t stop thinking about him. you were so obsessed with him and he didnt understand why

months went on and FINALLY. he invited you to his warm home to enjoy a nice meal with him

even if it was too good to be true, you were ecstatic

You couldnt stop smiling and giggling before the night arrived where you could spend time alone with him

(he was excited too but shh you dont know that)

STOPP and he and his maids prepared such a nice little meal for the two of you

Even though you were shaking from nervousness, you heart was beating super quickly and you felt all hot the whole time spent with him, you two hit it off great!!

time flew and by the time you two were done eating, it was pitch black outside

you were kind of worried how you would get home, but diluc insisted you stay in the guest room. after all, its dangerous with monsters everywhere, especially at night!

such a gentleman wtf

MADE YOU SO NERVOUS AND GIGGLY THOUGH ME FR

diluc notices how nervous and overwhelmed you seem, so he worried a bit and decided to even give you a clean set of clothes, a glass of grape juice, and a warm room.

YOURE SO GIGGLY AND HAPPY AND UNPREPARED FROM THE PAMPERING YOUR SOUL PRACTICALLY LEAVES YOUR BODY

and then before you two say goodnight and head to bed, he even offers a small kiss on your cheek before walking to his room

needless to say, you are drooling and giggling and falling on your bed and kicking your feet and trying not to be too loud

diluc my lord and savior

#genshin fluff #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin fanfic #diluc x you #diluc x y/n #diluc scenarios #master diluc #genshin diluc #diluc ragnvindr #diluc #diluc imagines #diluc x reader

[pigeonsareevil]

Man, i dont know wether everyone noticed this and im just dumb and oblivious or if im being completely delusional but i think im realising why Dutch trusted Micah so much even when Hosea and Arthur complained about it.

I think what he thought, was that this is going to be a similar scenario to many other gang members in the past when they first joined.

Im not sure but thinking about it, there are many people in the gang that i feel like when they joined, Hosea and Arthur weren't happy about, but they proved themselves to the gang and changed for the better so the older members accepted them.

Hell, this could have been the case with Arthur too. Hosea mentions he was a wild delinquent when they took him in but he changed and that makes me think that Hosea originally didnt want Arthur to join them, but Dutch saw something in this feral orphan, took him in and soon enough, even Hosea grew fond of him. Even came to love him as a son.

I feel like it took a lot of convincing from Dutch to let Arthur stay but when he did, and he saw the man Arthur became, Dutch probably started believing that there is good in everyone and everyone is capable of changing for the better if they are given the chance, that is of course, if he didnt already believe in that.

That is probably how we ended up with many of the gang members who cause a bit of trouble or aren't really contributing to the gang or just the ones Hosea and Arthur arent really fond of. Specific names that come to mind are Bill, Sean and Swanson. Now im definetely not saying i dislike these characters. Nor am i saying that Sean or Bill dont contribute or that Arthur and Hosea dislike Swanson or Sean or anything like that but you get the idea.

Dutch, to me, seems way more open to strangers and troubled people, good example of this is Sadie, he didn't even hesitate about taking her in, she was in trouble and needed help, he didn't care that he didn't know her and she could potentially figure out who they are and tell the law about them (she wouldn't do that of course but someone else could have been in her place, you know) or Maybe even Kieran, who used to be member of their a rival gang but people told Dutch he saved Arthurs life so he let him stay with them. Of course they didnt trust Kieran as much but just the fact that he let him live after, even more, he let him live AND stay with them when he clearly didnt't have to shows that he is way more trusting of strangers whereas Hosea and Arthur are way more protective of the people already in the gang, protecting them from these strangers.

Seems to me like Dutch saw Micah, says the man saved his life? I think? And thought: "there is some goodness inside this person, he just needs an opportunity and a place to change for the better, even if Arthur and Hosea dont agree and say i should cut him loose, what kind of person would i be, preaching about giving people who were wronged by their life and this country a second chance yet throwing this person away after messing up a few times. It took other people in this gang months, even years to change and they did change, Hosea and Arthur used to complain but now those people are a part of their family so why shouldn't i give this person a chance?"

This of course, could have been the case had Micah actually wanted to change from his habbits and break away from his past but i think it is clear that from his dialougue he is happy being just the way he is. He just kept telling Dutch he wants to change so Dutch would let him stay and and Dutch, believing him, dragged the whole gang to destruction because of this, because he put so much time and effort into trying to help, change and save someone who didn't need it

#i wrote this on school breaks with minimal amount of sleep so sorry if this is stupid and gramatically incorrect i wasnt really checking it #i just had this thought while reading fanfics last night about Hosea and Dutch meeting Arthur #Hosea not wanting him at first but growing to love him and Dutch having to convince Hosea to let Arthur stay #guess i saw some parallels in that #there is probably more i could say about this but im forgetting it so ill update this if i figure it out #dutch van der linde #micah bell #arthur morgan #hosea mathews #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #stupid emo mango lover ate my brain #now he lives in my head rent free #im not complaining though

[ganeshkfp]

HI IM HERE TO RANT ABOUT CHALICE OF THE GODSSS

OKAY SO I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE SAID THAT THERE WASNT ENOUGH FIGHTING AND BATTLES AND ALL THAT BUT. THAT ISNT PERCYS LIFE RN SO I THINK IT MAKES SENSE?? AND HIS FIGHT WITH OLD AGE WAS KINDA LAME BUT I THINK THATS THE POINT...?

ALSO: GROVER NEEDS TO BE PART OF THE TRIO BETTER :( I FEEL LIKE HE DIDNT HAVE AS BIG OF A ROLE BECAUSE PERCY AND ANNABETH ARE DATING WHICH IS LIKE COOL AND ALL BUT THEIR FRIENDSHIP IS IMPORTANT TOO!!

and yeah! your thoughts? (sorry i know this is a lot to dump on you but i saw you reply to my post :D)

OMG HI!!!!

Missing fight scenes actually makes sense since they are older and more capable of taking down monsters. Also this was supposed to be more like a crack book, where they just hang out as teenagers, without more trauma XD

I agree on that old age thing, it was kind of cheesy? But still, made me smile. And tear up 👉👈 They are my kids, thinking of them getting old-

About Grover, I think it would link with the other books because on Read Riordan we know Grover is very sad because he thinks they gonna leave him- I think in next books Percy and Annabeth would realize this and show him that he is wrong :) In toa they left for college all together, Grovar was with them. I think like he would be left alone at Hecate's house since both of them would be in school and maybe we would see his feelings- They are all just guesses tho XD

Other than that, their dynamics were everything! I mean there was almost nothing serious about it and I laughed at every page. Percy's pov are everything and I MISSED it sooo much! The titles too! The new characters are very good too, minor gods( Hebe, Iris, that Lake god, GANYMADE) their were amazing! Them turning to 8 years old babies by Hebe! Omg I LOVED IT. Humor and fluff was everything. And my fav scene: Athena catching Percy XD Like I lost it! It was sooo good. Her helping her future son in law, finally accept him because her love for her daughter :) Love them. Zeus's Llama story... Well, lets say I kinda missed them too XD And of course, Sally, Paul, Annabeth, Percy acting as a family. Annabeth and Paul's interactions were adorable! Grover banging in for tofu was also hilarious lmao. And he was sad there because it was their last summer :( Sally and Annabeth being close, Sally giving THE NEWS. Baby Estelle is on the way! Percy's reaction, also being sad because he would miss many of her early life :(

I only had one problem with the book: Lack of physical decriptions. I didn't really understand the reason because like in every book we had at least one page of Percy gushing over Annabeth, talking about her gray eyes etc. Grover and the gods same too. I mean, this made me a little sad because I really wanted to know what they look like, I am into imagining while reading. I mean, Rick changing the descriptions with the show ones or something? Don't get me wrong I adore the show and the cast but I really think they should have their own canon timelines ❤

Other than that, I can easily say it was now my fav pjo book. I mean I teared up with happiness, nostalgia I felt... I love OG trio more than anything 🥲 I can't wait for the next book-

Thank you so much for the dump, it made me soooo happy ^^ I never miss a change to discuss my fav books with the fans ❤

#ask #Thank you so much #Feel free to discuss more XD #You can tell me what you think about my ideas XD #My fav book ever #chalice of the gods #percy jackson #pjo

[natsmagi]

I’m curious about your thoughts on natsume x sora

THEYRE CUTE!!! though personally i think their relationship feels alot more impactful when viewed through a queer platonic lens;;

their relationship is a very unique one!! and it is one that is meant to directly mirror natsumes relationship with the oddballs with the constant coddling and need to protect....... ive discussed these things before, but his relationship with sora is basically natsume trying to ensure what happened to him during and after the war doesnt happen to sora too. he sees bits of himself in sora so he really wants to shield him, and this dynamic becomes extra interesting when we remember how natsume constantly complains about being treated as a kid, while failing to realize he is doing that exact thing to sora too in the beginning (which sora didnt like either!!)

i also think natsume really enjoys having sora rely on him so much, since it makes him feel stronger and more capable (and as we know theres nothing that upsets natsume more than feeling powerless and weak) but then it can lead to extremes of him being TOO protectful and shielding him TOO much which tsumugi has even critiqued as them being so inseparable is getting in the way of letting sora grow....... again its a super interesting dynamic they have and i love the way its tied to the war!

though, personally, i think taking their relationship and insisting it to be romantic does it a disservice......... youre free to ship it ofc! but theres just alot of interpersonal layers to their dynamic that i just dont feel carry the same weight were it to be romantic? like. i LOVE seeing their devotion to each other. i LOVE seeing how much they genuinely adore each other. i LOVE seeing how much they care for each other!!! and seeing this level of love and adoration just HITS SO HARD WHEN U THINK OF IT AS PLATONIC!! because then its just love with no expectations, love with no desire for anything in return, its just pure unfiltered love because you care so much for this person and admire them. you really dont get to see this type of dynamic very often i feel? maybe its because im really not much of a shipper if im being honest, but it just makes me so happy to see love so strong between two characters thats reminiscent of the strong unfiltered love and adoration i hold for my friends....... it makes me so happy to see............... platonic love is no lesser than romantic love!!!! remember this!!!!!!!!!!!

#i love exploring the various different ways one can love someone else #and i wish it was more common to do so bc OUGHHHHH #AGAIN SOME DYNAMICS JUST HIT SO MUCH HARDER LIKE THIS IDK ?? AM I CRAZY ???? #DOES ANYONE GET ME #ask

[sawyerslvt]

Two Sides To The Devil - Johnny Slaughter (Episode 6)

Previous Episode ♡ Next Episode Completed series :)  Summary: Johnny Slaughter kidnaps you and you wake up in his basement. You negotiate your way out of death by offering to lure in male victims with your beauty. Johnny entertains your desperate offer. He ends up having to protect you and slowly starts to fall in love with his victim, and so do you.  Word count: 1,150 Warnings: None

You’ve been spending the past four weeks at this dingy motel. There is all sorts of shady activity happening but it's really cheap. Leona dropped you off here and ever since, you've stayed here. You managed to negotiate a week of free stay since you didn't have any money. During that week you managed to find a job in the nearest town as a server in this cozy diner. You didn't make much but it was enough to get by. The first three weeks went by fine. You were too busy worrying about your living situation and you didn't have time to think about much else. 

Now that you have more time to think, you find yourself thinking back to that night. What made him shift so fast? You couldn't make sense of this cold killer but maybe that's what it was. It was psychotic behavior, not meant to be looked deeper into. But he didnt feel like a psychopath. You were there. He was sweet, caring and passionate. Unless he was faking it all, he would be one hell of a good liar. You would think of explanations to his behavior but would always come to the same conclusion. He told you to leave as if he hated himself for saying it, like he didn't want to. He told you to leave because he wanted to protect you… from himself. You blush thinking about it, to think that he fell for you as hard as you fell for him provided you comfort. In that case, you wouldn't feel as crazy as you did for thinking he was capable of love… he was no monster, he just needed the right person, and you betrayed him by not accepting him for who he is. Love is work, working to love each other, through thick and thin. Through flaws and hardship. 

This was no life to live but, but more importantly… you missed him like crazy. And the longer you were away from him, the thoughts penetrated through more and more regularly. You think about him holding you, his smirks, his body, his wonderful laugh, and his kisses that made you melt into his big arms. All you wanted was to feel him one last time, one more time was all you needed to remind yourself of what ‘good’ felt again. For every day that passed you craved him more, you were desperate for his touch. You needed him but his words echoed in your head. ‘If I see you again. I will kill you’, that's what he told you, and he said it like he truly meant it, but if your theory is correct… he couldn't kill you. 

You took all your money, quit your job and left the life you had built for yourself. If you really needed to, you could do it again. You go back to the road where Leona had dropped you off and wait for a car that was willing to give you a lift back to your Johnny.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

You stand in front of the property. You feel frozen. It's only been four weeks but it feels like you've lived a thousand lives being away from him. You look to your right, the sunflowers no longer look sad. They’re shining bright in the hot Texan sunlight, they’re beautiful and look as happy as ever. You walk through the wonderful garden and get to the front door. You stand in front of the door, reluctant to knock. You didn't know who else lived here. You assumed it could've been the old man that Johnny argued with one night.

You stand in front of the door for a while, your mind racing, your heart beating like it wanted to kill you. You prepare yourself for the old man opening the door, or maybe you should prepare yourself to see Johnny and throw yourself into his arms. You try to pull yourself together and knock on the door, three timid knocks. When no one answered, you knocked again, a bit harder. *Knock* *Knock*...you get interrupted before you land your knuckles trying to finish your last knock. 

A petite blonde woman opened the door. She looks to be your age, maybe a bit older and she’s beautiful. She has youthful mannerism. “Hiya there sugar! How may I help you?”. Her voice was cheerful. “... I… I was looking for Johnny.” you speak nervously, realizing you don't know his last name. A small wave of jealousy hits you as you realize this could be his girlfriend. “Oh, Johnny? He’s not home at the moment. Why? Is he in trouble?”. She is playful in her voice, she knows you’re no authority by the shakiness in your voice. “Do you think I could wait for him in his shack?” you ask cautiously, not being able to predict what her reaction could be. 

Her eyes widen as if she just saw a ghost and you see her get fidgety, more than before, that is. "Oh… oh! Why… yes of course love! Follow me, I'll bring you right to it”. Gently but eagerly, she brushes past you and looks behind to make sure you're following her. You follow suit and silently question her suspicious behavior. 

You approach the shack and you look to the floor where he threw you last time, you rub your arm remembering how much it hurt. She opens the door and gestures for you to walk in. “He should be home by tonight, sugar. It was nice meeting you” she gives you a warm smile and closes the door behind her before rushing away. ‘It was nice meeting you’. You furrowed your brows thinking about it. She said it as if she was expecting you. She was a little odd ball, but a likable one. 

You take a look around his shack and you’re disappointed to see that he has dirtied it back up. It somehow looks worse than before, with broken plates and literal dirt covering the place. The amount of beer bottles and other alcohol covering the floor surprised you, how had he managed to drink all that in only four weeks? You take notice of a knife to your right on a shelf. His words echo in your head once again. ‘If I see you again. I will kill you’... you didn't believe it but better safe than sorry. You grab the knife and take a seat on the couch. You examine the knife, placing your finger on the tip, checking how sharp it was, it was really sharp. You continue watching it as you wonder what it's been through. Was it responsible for killing someone? If it's Johnny's knife… then yes. You place the knife to your right, tucking it under your thigh slightly without cutting yourself. You didn't want him cathing you with it. 

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#tcm #texas chainsaw game #texas chainsaw massacre #texas chainsaw massacre game #ff #writing #fanfiction #johnny #johnny slaughter #johnny sawyer #johnny tcm #smut #fem reader #johnny smut #johnny slaughter smut #johnny slaughter x reader #fluff #romance #x reader