Music For the Soul
by Alexander MacLaren
Thanksgiving - An Antidote of Care
I will sacrifice unto Thee with the voice of thanksgiving.
- Jonah 2:9
There are many vague and oppressive anxieties that come and cast a shadow over our hearts, that, if we could once define and put into plain words, we should find that we vaguely fancied them a great deal larger than they were, and that the shadow they flung was immensely longer than the thing that flung it. Put your anxieties into definite speech. It will reduce their proportions to your own apprehension very often. Speaking them, even to a man who may be able to do little to help, eases them wonderfully. Put them into definite speech to God, and there are very few of them that will survive.
"By prayer and supplication with thanksgiving." That thanksgiving is always in place. If one only considers what he has from God, and realizes that whatever he has he has received from the hands of Divine love, thanksgiving is appropriate in any circumstances. Do you remember when Paul was in gaol at the very city to which this letter (Philippians) went, with his back bloody with the rod and his feet fast in the stocks, how then "he and Silas prayed and sang praises to God"? Therefore the obedient earthquake came and set them loose. Perhaps it was some reminiscence of that night which moved him to say to the church that knew the story - of which perhaps the gaoler was still a member - " By prayer and supplication with thanksgiving make your requests known unto God."
One aching nerve can monopolize our attention and make us unconscious of the health of all the rest of the body; so, a single sorrow or loss obscures many mercies. We are like men that live in a narrow alley in some city, with great buildings on either side towering high above their heads, and only a strip of sky visible. If we see up in that strip a cloud, we complain and behave as if the whole heavens, right away round the three hundred and sixty degrees of the horizon, were black with tempest. But we see only a little strip, and there is a great deal of blue in the sky; however, there may be a cloud in the patch that we see above our heads, from the alley where we live. Everything, rightly understood, that God sends to men is a cause of thanksgiving; therefore, "in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God."
"Casting all your anxieties upon Him," says Peter, " for He " - is not anxious; that dark cloud does not rise much above the earth- but, "He careth for you." And that loving guardianship and tender care is the one shield, armed with which we can smile at the poisoned darts of anxiety which would else fester in our hearts and, perhaps, kill. " Be careful for nothing" - an impossibility unless "in everything" we make "our requests known unto God."
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I've never realised until you mentioned it how similar Norma/Romero and Kim/Jimmy's weddings are. prayer circle that Jimmy and Kim have a happier ending because christ I don't want to handle that kind of pain again
it makes me want to jump off a cliff directly into the ocean <3
to be fair, the circumstances that drive them to do this and the characters themselves are all very different - part of why i like to amuse myself thinking of kim and norma interacting (or rhea and vera cast together as sisters, i'm telling you, someone do this!) is the stark differences between those women. kim works so hard to keep herself contained, not to telegraph her thoughts, to restrain her emotions and quietly take the measure of everything; norma is completely unable to do this and is much more transparent in her reactions and emotionally volatile, but the thing that gets me is they're both unexpectedly unpredictable, both strong and defiant and flowing with depths of anger and love, both prepared to do whatever they must for any situation or the person most dear to them (jimmy and norman respectively). they both had difficult childhoods in disparate senses, and the abandonment and instability left permanent scars. they have such wells of hurt and resilience within them that i think they'd understand and have compassion for one another despite being juxtaposed in their outward displays. (also alex would not like jimmy, which is just so funny. not that alex really likes people in general, but a flashy, gregarious defense lawyer would be anathema to him personally.) bonus, kim and norma are both the queens of yelling at men. no one can tell a man off like either of them can.
obviously jimmy and kim love one another deeply and are already romantically involved, whereas alex and norma have danced around their attraction or even openly antagonized one another, but what's interesting to me in the wedding scenarios is both women propose (!) ostensibly for reasons of convenience. maybe we get married, and we're legally protected. maybe you could marry me so that i can have the insurance i need to help care for my mentally ill son. they convince themselves these are business transactions. mutually beneficial arrangements, but nothing more. except these men are totally head over heels for them, whether they want to admit it or not, so of course they'll do it, they'll do anything for them. jimmy will do anything to make kim happy (jimmy switches the numbers for her, survives the desert for her, would die for her), alex will do whatever he can to protect norma no matter how corrupt it makes him (alex kills for her more than once). so they enter into these false marriages with underlying truth. with this tentative spark and hope of acceptance and being loved back, only to miraculously realize that they are. getting married brings jimmy and kim even closer, cements their connection and their love and causes it to exhibit itself in new ways, both good and bad, anything that keeps them together. getting married makes alex and norma, through their stubbornness and their issues, recklessly fall in love with one another and display real vulnerability that they never show (or perhaps are incapable of showing) anyone else.
they get married nervously, under pretense, with no trappings, no grand gestures, no tulle or roses or even idealism, and it leads to them being the most honest they ever have been, and the most romantic.
it's fatal in norma and alex's case (though a lot more factors are at play there than their marriage, it's certainly a cause. and i love norman and have sympathy for him and think that action is one of the most plaintively tragic things i've ever seen, the image of norman walking through the house and closing the vents set to eerie mr. sandman lives in my head rent free, but that's...a whole other post), in jimmy and kim's case i think the outcome is going to be something all its own and not resultant in that permanent grave, though there are other forms of grief withering love that could be more painful than death. since they're both prequels, we know quite a lot of doom is sealed from the start. norma is never going to escape her fate, the basement awaits from the moment we meet her. she has WAY more extenuating circumstances, and her codependent, consuming, irrevocable bond is with norman first and foremost and eternally, which causes a schism for her (and she chooses her son, of course she does, this is inevitable from the beginning), whereas kim's codependent, consuming, irrevocable bond is jimmy alone. alex wants to be a savior of sorts but is no white knight, he and norma both have blood on their hands, they both carry guilt and yet would take those actions again without pause. it's a whisper of a romance, though i'd argue the "pack your bags"/"where are we going?" scene is one of the most powerful in the entire show and an example of unflinchingly accepting love. still, they get two weeks. two weeks to feel that measure of love and union and comfort, and who can even say if it would've lasted? she dies before they're fully tested, looking ethereal and angelic and haunting his memory, curling him into vengeance and despair like the edges of a burned letter. it was an ephemeral thing, their bubble as she described it. shimmering and brief, and the point was having a moment.
jimmy and kim live in their own world of ghosts, but we don't know how their story ends yet. their connection has been anything but ephemeral. it has been enduring and constant. it has spanned years, transformations, victories, laughter and grief, bloodshed. they choose each other over and over again. they make each other braver and better, they make each other devious and worse, they define and illuminate and construct each other's identities, they are destructive and salvational for one another. the everlasting and ever-developing quality of that makes me think that maybe there's some measure of, if not light, at the end of their road, something akin to reunion and/or a modicum of healing. (a fool's hope in denial? maybe!)
tl;dr but YES i am very very emotional about the parallels and contrasts between their relationships at any given moment, and the courthouse city hall weddings in both cases moved me in a particular way.
alex and norma have this delicate, uncertain kiss that unfolds into a Real Thing
and they stand on the steps with the weight of this choice
jimmy and kim have a perfunctory kiss that becomes tender and Very Real
and they stand on the steps with the weight of this choice
they tie their lives and destinies together, and then cautiously carve out a space to call home amidst the tumult of a dark and threatening universe, trying to keep one safe place of sanctity for their hearts, one place to embrace each other regardless of their sins. the specter of death follows them past the threshold, but maybe that isn't the meaning of it in the end. maybe it was being seen. maybe it was taking their broken pieces and holding them reverently for a moment.
maybe it was taking the risk to love at all.
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cc x·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ thinking about...reader trying to break up with yandere gojo
minors / ageless blogs / blank blogs - do not interact.
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ tags: yandere; dub con; lovesick gojo & he’s obsessive/toxic about it; he’s mean but yummy, okay?; size kink (ish?); gojo showing off his strength; sex without protection
notes: I had this written as an idea right after I wrote my hc’s for the jjk men in their yandere version. twylm readers, please forgive me for not posting the next chapter. I am working on it but I am really struggling - I had the worst burn out after the last chapter, and have been having a hard time trying to get back into the story >.<
wc: 1,228
gojo plays with the hem of your skirt - the flat expression on his face telling you that he’s listening but appears unbothered by your statement. you can see the annoyance in his eyes, the irritation that you would say something so ridiculous in the middle of a make out session.
his hands find the back of your thighs and with one swift motion he pulls you over his long legs so you’re hovering above his lap. the imbalance forces you to clutch onto his shirt with frustration, and he mindlessly reaches to undo his belt before tugging your underwear aside with his long, slender digits.
“toru, are you listening to me?” you whisper in a small voice.
“you want to take a break?” he repeats calmly, but those last two words are laced with disgust, barely slipping through his clenched teeth, and he lowers you down just enough for him to press the tip of his swollen cock against your slit.
“I need to slow things down...” you breathe, lashes fluttering at the sensation from the contact.
your thighs naturally start to tense up when he holds you there, and the pads of his fingers dig roughly into your hip to keep you in place. you hiss against the harsh touch, gazing down to find your lover pouting at you like a disappointed child.
any stranger would consider this an adorable expression with the way his big eyes widen while his brows upturn sorrowfully.
to you, however, it was an entirely different message.
“are you unhappy?” he asks, his words weighed down by hurt.
a warm sensation travels up your calves as you try to maintain the pose and you shake your head no while squeezing him gently with reassurance. satoru flickers his attention back to the point of contact. your pelvis feels tight from holding this awkward position, and the ache to have him inside you naturally makes the space between your legs pulse with need.
satoru gojo has given you everything and more. there is no reason for you to be unhappy.
he made sure of that.
“okay,” he confirms with a sigh, one palm moving to grope the curve of your ass while the other stabilizes your leg as he draws you down his length. “do you not love me?”
a hard lump forms in your throat.
you’re careful never to actually say those words to him.
satoru’s devotion consumes your entire your soul - you can’t help but feel like you would be making a deal with a devil if you decided to admit your true feelings.
you managed to keep his peace of mind this far by reassuring him with deep, promising kisses and strong acknowledgements of his feelings.
technically you aren’t lying, but the reality is that you’re afraid to love him...and of what your love does to him.
giving him another silent reply, you nod your head as your fear creeps up the back of your spine. the only relief you find is the stretch between your legs, and your lips part into a circle as satoru gives himself to you inch by glorious inch.
your skirt flaps over you both, concealing him buried inside you. he arches forward to kiss your jaw, his large hands finding your breasts and he massages them over your fitted tank.
he delicately trails his fingers down your waist to latch onto your hips once more. “then why...” he murmurs into your neck, “do you want to take a break?”
your hand finds the back of his head, a moan leaving your parted lips when you feel him lick a stripe up the column before lightly nipping at your earlobe.
“it’s just...” you gasp, feeling flowers of heat bloom in all the places he’s touching you, “I just feel like we are getting ahead of o-ourselves..ah...”
he rocks your hips back and forth, moving at such a languid pace that you can’t help but clench your thighs around his own. your fingers curl around the snowy threads of his white hair, tugging at it gently before pulling his face away so you can meet his eyes.
he looks smug - but he always does because he knows that you’re just addicted to him as he is to you.
“isn’t that what we want?” he questions, the corner of his mouth twitching into a lazy smile as he takes off your top and unfastens your bra, “we’re already so perfect...”
“satoru,” you whine, “that’s not the point-”
this time he ruts his pelvis upward, interrupting your thoughts as he hits you at the right spot that makes your eyes disappear into the back of your head. he leans against the chair, maintaining full eye contact with you as he casually lifts you up before dropping you back down on his cock. “just want to make you m’pretty wife, is all...fuck you like this every single night...”
you bite your bottom lip, frustrated with how wet he’s making you with his words. your body subconsciously succumbs to his demands and you slowly start bouncing up and down over his length.
“that’s right, angel,” satoru grunts with approval, his hungry hands grab your ass roughly, and you squeak when you feel a slight sting from behind as the sound of his palm slapping against your skin echoes around the room. “see? I’m making you feel s’fucking good, your pussy’s so wet f’me...just for me...”
when his mouth finds yours, you know you’ve lost the battle. his scalding kisses leave your lips swollen but you still search for him out of desperation to feel the fire. he’s reminding you how hard it would be to let go of him, reiterating that there is no man in this world who could ever love you as much he does. you feel silly for bringing this up, questioning your own trepidations about him and wondering if this is simply you sabotaging what you already have.
you are in a daze from the way he fucks you but he isn’t slowing down his movements and you feel like he might actually split you in two. he would never speak to you with angry words, but you can feel it in his movements.
“gonna c-cum, gonna cum, gonna cum...”
it comes out of you like a warning, but it only makes satoru go deeper and before you know it your vision is white. your body feels everything all at once, and the coil that’s been tightening around your lower belly loosens from the intense orgasm. the pleasure is euphoric, sinfully so, and it drains you of all the energy you’ve preserved. your body goes limp in satoru’s arms, and he keeps them wrapped securely around your waist as he pumps his cum inside you.
he holds you in this embrace, allowing the seconds to pass. his breath fans your collar bone while he tries to catch himself. your eyes feel heavy when you blink them open, and you cup his face in your hands as you seek to cool yourself down with his azure eyes.
“I’m never going to let you go,” he confesses with a sweet kiss to the inside of your palm, before placing another on your cheek while he tightens his grip, “so stop trying to push me away.”
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DEVOTION 𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒ SATORU
giving satoru kisses is the most important tradition on his day.
he heard you before he sees you as you walk towards him with enthusiastic steps. he is currently sitting on your shared couch and mindlessly scroll the remote.
“what’s up, baby?” he asks you as you continuously stare at him.
your lips quirk up and it reaches the deepest crevices of his soul and how it makes his heart pumps inside his chest. “nothing. i just…”
you take your place beside him and suddenly attack him with your infamous ‘healing kisses’.
“mwah!” you kiss his cheeks.
“mwah!” his nose.
“mwah! mwah! mwah!” his forehead, eyes, and lips. you struggle to hold your laughter as you exaggerate the sound of your smooches.
satoru snakes his arms around yours protectively. he feels overwhelmed with these annoying emotions; but falls in love with you again, and again, and again.
he looks like he is about to cry and he sniffs. you place a kiss on his jaw and you feel his lips touching your forehead.
“you’re too precious, baby. what did i do to deserve you?”
you smile, full of care and admiration. your heart seemingly bursts into joy with the love you have for satoru. if only you can pluck your beating organ and present to him like a gift so he can have something that signifies you—you will do it without hesitation.
“i love you. i love you. i love you.”
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