#devitalise

[djservo]

crashes in in a fashionably late kind of way.. january is finally over!! 31 days felt like 300 but now that we’re on the other side of it, what books did you read to start 2024? what was the vibe any standouts has it changed what’s on the horizon?

I've started keeping a physical calendar again so you'd think having the month splayed out in front of me so directly and constantly would be grounding but week after week I was just like Omg how is there More.... we made it thru tho god bless xx January was fun!!

in terms of my pre-planned monthly reading themes, January was a grace period where I let my whims guide me so I'm surprised at how many themes incidentally overlapped?? Naomi Klein referencing The Fire Next Time, the theme of internet doubles and online dark corners in Doppelganger essentially being the core of The Sluts, the dark spiraling mystery of The Sluts akin to the dark spiraling mystery of Mysterious Skin, yada yada yada. I luv when the dots inadvertently connect!! right place right time vibe!!

The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin

it's been really nice starting my reading off with Baldwin these past few years, something grounding about immersing myself in sharp indictments of the US amidst the usual new year wide-eyed blitheness. this one was only 2 essays but both gripped me just as much as his longer collections. I imagine it's hard to sort of reframe arguments, pleas, and points you've been talking about for years when things still haven't changed, but each new (to me) Baldwin essay reads so fresh in the way that he contextualizes these core points within different interactions + relationships. I think Ive said this before but it's also so rewarding to read an author's works chronologically because you can kind of follow how their frame of mind sharpens/adapts throughout the years and in a way you grow with them, and his first essay (a letter to his nephew) kinda feels like the culmination of that growth laid out with such care. super special

Doppelganger by Naomi Klein

totallyyyyyy consumed + dizzied by this wow I can't believe it took me this long to read Naomi Klein. I think I'd been intimidated by the size of her books + my incorrect assumption that something so research-heavy (bc boy does she research!) will read too dense, but everything here was laid out and tied together so smoothly + accessibly (I feel like I use that word a lot for nonfiction which is probably my subconscious quest to entice ppl to read more nonfiction hehe) This read like partial investigative deep dive into the online world of conspiracy theories/Qanon cesspools + partial mystery novel about her own experience with Naomi Wolf (her 'doppelganger')?? idk it feels weird to relate someone's lived experience to a spectacle like that but it really was like edge of seat level curiosity/uncertainty/etc. just so engrossing and thorough and THRILLING, the epilogue made me gasp!!!

Leslie F*cking Jones by Leslie Jones

my one + only spotify audiobook experience, cut short amid the last chapter bc I ran out of hours and no longer am a spotify premium user so I just read the rest </3 but that turned out to be fun bc I saw what a stark difference it was to listen vs. read this. the audio rules bc Leslie totally goes off script to add anecdotes (one of the reviews was like 'she was NOT reading what was written!!' LMAO so true.. and I love her for that!!) + an emotional depth I don't think could've been sufficiently captured in written form - her laughter and her palpable anger and her literally crying over... such a robust journey! I was an SNL fan basically my whole life til I went to college so I always love stories about it and I really admire how she didn't hold back in her criticisms. I feel like former members (especially those somewhat fresh off the slab in a way) feel like they have to be eternally grateful to their experience when so much of it is so clearly draining and thankless. doubled expectations because she's a woman, tripled because she's a Black woman, and therefore expected to just bend over and take it (her words) but she never does!! she never tries to compromise her own experiences like "this happened... but at least this happened too and they actually were nice in this way-" NO!! she compartmentalizes the good and the bad so distinctly so there's no misunderstanding, and I just really really admire that, the lack of kissing ass in an industry where that's practically what fuels your career/reputation!! she rocks + is such a funny storyteller+ I'm so glad I listened to this

The Sluts by Dennis Cooper

ofc had to squeeze my old man in... I think this was actually the book to first put Cooper on my radar so it was super fulfilling to finally get to it (even tho I devoured it in just 2 days.. a shame bc it was a slay to read this in public) Supremely up my alley with its 2000s internet mystique, the perfect backdrop for a twisted mystery + ruminations of Internet As Performance Art™, the internet as roleplay, what's real + what's just fantasy/fetish, etc etc. so so so good and while still sick and horrifying as his writing is known for, perhaps the most readable for an uninitiated reader of Cooper's works?? even then I'd say this is still for a very particular reader tho idk i can never get a pulse on what a majority of readers are into these days!! I really loved this though and I'm sure it'll be in my top 5 for the year thank u once again for the twisted ride denny !!!

My People Shall Live by Leila Khaled, George Hajjar

feels more like political ethnography than personal memoir. there is some of Leila's backstory and family and personal relationships sprinkled in (her husband is given maybe 5 lines total LOL), but so much of her being is clearly centered around Palestinian resistance + revolution, so recounting her political work within a collective was her truest form of autobiography as that was indeed her life/livelihood. wild to read how intense she was even from childhood, how Down she was to sacrifice things and put herself on the line... literally getting plastic surgery after hijacking a plane in order to be able to get involved in more demonstrations without being recognized like god!!! intense life-altering decisions and it's like she doesn't even bat an eye or show any regrets/wistful 'what if i hard a 'normal' life?'!! that eric andre margaret thatcher meme but instead "do you think leila khaled effectively utilized girl power by hijacking a plane?'' LOL I mean... ! 🤭

The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov

SILLY + ABSURD!!! a bit of a hike to get there but once I hit it, it was hard to put this down (as is my experience with a lot of classics, I find) I think I really enjoy magical realism rooted in political/cultural landscapes, or maybe I just really like wacky shit (it made me think a bit of Catch-22 which I also had fun with!!) + this didn't disappoint!! truly giggled aloud at some parts, the ridiculousness of it all!!! makes me wanna deep dive into the history of the Soviet Union but I feel like I'll need to clear at least an entire month for that .... will have to plan accordingly 👩‍🔬

Mysterious Skin by Scott Heim

heartbreaking and dark but handled with a lot of care. I guessed the "twist" (which feels indelicate to call it that but I cant think of another word rn) early on but I think that just heightened the slow unraveling of it + made it that much more emotionally grueling to get thru. perhaps that was even the point! I'd been meaning to watch the movie for like over a decade at this point but wanted to read it first so now having read and watched it I'm glad it was now vs. me at 10 or whenever bc dumb tween me likely wouldn't have processed it well enough and the darkness would've overshadowed the journey itself. sometimes it's important to wait I guess is what I'm trying to say!!!

I definitely want to squeeze in another Naomi Klein this year if possible, maybe some Russian/Ukrainian lit. I've focused on Baldwin's nonfiction these past years so I might pick up a fiction of his this month + ofc Cooper wherever I can squeeze him <3

#january i told myself i'd write my thoughts immediately after a book so i'm not rambling/scrounging for thoughts on the spot during our #roundups .. did not stick to it clearly </3 FEBRUARY IT IS!! #asks #devitalise #rip to the cheesehair tag </3 #reads #<- thats my new book tag i'm tired of typing bobby book club + i can't exactly shorten it to BBC bc. well

[beyuu8w14eqgyy]

Sentei e gozei gostoso no pau dele sem camisinha Blonde lesbian licking The gorgeous star poses nude for the muscular lover LA CULONA DANNA HOT PRESENTA ESCENAS DE SEXO EXTREMO QUE VERAS EN PROXIMOS VIDEOS NO TE LOS PIERDAS AQUI Esposa Com bundao Slutty teen railed and facialized Busty MILF&#039;s Hairy Redhead Pussy Eaten By Cute Blonde - GirlfriendsFilms Cogidas anales a jovencita tiernita sexy asian dance Latina tattoo girl likes wine

#devitalisation #huarizo #optimal #wairing #world-eminent #superaccomplished #absorbtion #technicalize #triumvirs #Antimerina #subofficer #vexatiously #trichotomies #stradld #jugulum #superclass #infinitated #Noludar #Bokeelia #uncheat

[okruee]

rue... where are u rue...

sleepi ng

just kidding im working a lot commuting a lot oh i got a boyfriend and then i broke up the boyfriend lol hashtag leo moment my eye has been twitching for 2 weeks OH I MET IMO CHEESEHAIR @devitalise it was so fun i love her love u babe if ur reading this <3 meet ur online friends <3 <3 <3

#not simming these days really not feeling sims or cc making not sure if i'll come back/go back to making cc regularly tbh #i do miss it here at times :') #anyway hi bye #ask #anon #ruereplies

[love-bugsy]

the worst thing about love is… | jason todd (chapter 1)

you’re just trying to get through your surgical residency, but this masked vigilante keeps showing up half-dead on your fire escape and reminding you of your dead best friend. oh well, at least he's cute.

tw: stitches, mentions of blood and injuries, swearing, completely ooc Jason but he’s like my own lil character now and I’m protective, very inaccurate medical terminology and procedure lol

only jerks steal other people's writing (just don't repost, mate)

There’s a dead man on your fire escape.

Well. He’s not actually dead, but his pulse is weak when you drag him into your living room, out of the relentless Gotham rain. Pulling your hand away from under his mask, you crouch down, peeling off the worn leather jacket around his shoulders and unbuckling his pauldrons. You feel around his back, brows furrowed. You can’t feel anything through the padding in his rain soaked shirt.

Hands wandering down to where his front is flat on the floor, you press down on his side, eyes widening when your fingers come back slick with blood. You go into autopilot, flipping him onto his back and yanking up his compression shirt. You might’ve gasped at the knife wound if you weren’t working on instinct. It’s bad. 

Shoving away the doubt clawing at the base of your skull, you steady your trembling hands. You’ve been trained for this. 

Don’t feel, just do.

The cut is long and serrated, and deep as all hell. It slices through the middle of a jagged, Y-shaped scar that chains over his shoulders like a noose. Jesus. 

It’s like he was stabbed and then dragged across the floor, cutting diagonally across his torso. How is he even still alive? Your hands move faster than you can think, completing an internal checklist as you go.

Breathing? Fast and shallow through his modulator, no obstructions. Bleeding? Applied tourniquet to epigastric region - transfusion isn’t even an option… Your brain works overtime, sifting through diagnostics lectures - penetrating abdominal trauma, debrided of devitalised tissue, no visible debris… You trace the edges of the wound looking for inflammation or fluid buildup; signs of peritonitis, but the weapon seems to have missed any internal organs. Lucky. Even luckier that he landed on a surgical resident’s fire escape.

Reaching over to the lamp by your couch, you shift it so that it shines directly over his abdomen. A last check of his wound confirms that there are no external indications that you should conduct a laparotomy. You just have to sew him up and hope to god the knife didn’t puncture anything internal.

You keep a hand planted firmly over his tourniquet, applying constant pressure, reaching for your backpack. Dragging it over, you use your teeth to open your suture kit and your free hand to sterilise his cut with Betadine and alcohol, wiping gentle circles outward from the wound. You dip your needle like Achilles in the Styx, hand and all, into the sterilising liquid, tugging a glove on with your teeth. 

You grip the needle driver in your dominant hand, pickups clutched in the other and take a steadying breath. There’s a stillness to the room, quiet save for your heartbeat pounding in your ears. The wound is large - high tension - so… mattress sutures… horizontal so the tension is spread over the edge of the wound. 

You take your first bite, adrenaline driving your needle into a clean stitch. You reverse it, passing through his cut again, before tying it off with the practised motions of a thousand surgical knots tied on yarn and thread and fraying jeans. You settle back on your knees after the first suture, readying yourself for the stitching to come, and start the next one.

~

Hours later, you haul him onto your couch, sitting him up on the arm rest to take pressure off of his dressed stitches. Frowning deeply at how uncomfortable he looks - even unconscious, you tuck a throw pillow under his scuffed metal mask. 

Leaning close to check his breathing, you hear crackling slow and deep through the helmet’s voice modulator. Bone-deep relief floods your system, a little sigh leaving your mouth involuntarily. Sitting heavily against your coffee table, you press the heels of your hands into your weary eyes. 

He’s stable. For now at least. 

Head bumping against the edge of your couch, you breathe in deeply, fighting the anxiety twisting in your ribcage. The couch smells like rubbing alcohol, stinging your nose so badly your eyes water. It’s followed by something familiar - underneath the heady scent of petrol and metal - like… if you mixed Gotham up into a single smell; rain and smoke and wet pavement. He… he smells like-

“Jay!” 

The faulty fluorescent lights - courtesy of your parent's small family diner - seem to flicker in tandem with your strident yell.

Your best friend looks up at you through a mop of dark hair, collarbones poking out of his thin t-shirt, second-hand leather jacket chucked haphazardly on the other side of the booth. He’s stolen your copy of Jane Eyre, flattened with one hand next to a plate of old fries you’d scrounged for him.

You tug your book from his grasp, tucking your pen into the pocket on your apron. He looks up at you with a mouth full of fries, infuriating confusion written across his face.

“What? You promised I could read it.” You sigh in exasperation.

“When I’m finished! And-” A dramatic gasp rips from your mouth when you examine the book. “Are these- grease stains?” You take the book in both hands, swatting Jason with it.

“What so it’s okay to hit me with a book but not get grease- fuck, jesus, okay, okay!” You raise the book over your shoulder with both hands.

“Do you yield?” His mock-angry expression almost makes you laugh, a hand held up near his face to shield from your attack. There’s a soft twist to his frown, like he’s trying to stop his mouth from pulling into a grin. He raises his hands in surrender, and you relax your hold on the book.

Rookie mistake.

Jason darts forward, faster than you can blink, grasping your waist with both hands and dragging you towards him. He yanks the book from your hands and lets you go, grinning childishly at you with the book in his hands. The cat with the canary.

You throw your hands up in exasperation before planting them on your hips like a disappointed mother. The admonishment on the tip of your tongue turns into a weary sigh when you hear your parents calling for you from the diner kitchen. “Fine. But you actually have to try to not spoil it this time.”

Jason crosses his fingers over his chest, “Scout’s honour, birdie.” 

You try not to flush at the nickname, just like you do every time he says it. Still, you fold like a stack of cards.

(He spoils it the next day.)

~

When you wake two hours later for rounds (at the ass-crack of dawn), he’s already gone. You pad quietly around your kitchen making coffee from day-old grounds, cautious not to disturb the sanctity of the early morning (or the ghost of his presence).

The only evidence of him is alight in the dim light that spills over your kitchen counter and into your living room - the deep indents in your couch and the bloodstains on your carpet… The rain on your wood floors, from the fire escape window you’re sure you didn’t leave open.

hi, hello, uhh this is the first fic I've ever posted so bear with me. if anyone actually sees this, i do apologise for the inaccuracies and lengthy prose. also, this will be a series so stick around if you like slow updates, slowburn and second chances. thanks for reading my rambles.

with love, bugsy

#series: the worst thing about love #love-bugsy #jason todd x reader #jason todd fic #jason todd fanfiction #jason todd reader insert #jason todd imagine #x reader

[sewercreature]

15 questions + 15 friends tagged by @nougatbit <3

1. Are you named after anyone?

I am named after a character from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine :) both of my siblings are named after Star Trek characters as well lol big ass dweeb parents

2. When was the last time you cried?

I cried just a few days ago over THIS tiktok reading of Silvia Plath’s “The Fig Tree” from The Bell Jar which I think is a perfect representation of anxiety, depression, and the feeling of being too overwhelmed and exhausted with possibilities, life paths, and feeling like things are leaving your reach

3. Do you have kids?

No and I never will I’ll be a good Aunt if any of my siblings decide to have children

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

I play tennis i never really played sports as a child

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Yes all the time

6. What is the first thing you notice about people?

Eyes

7. What’s your eye color?

Green

8. Scary Movies or happy endings?

Bit of an odd question lol scary movies can have happy endings? I am a horror girlie though

9. Any talents?

I wouldn’t say i’m talented i mainly put in a lot of work studying what i want to do and with time i get better

10. Where were you born?

Florida

11. What are your hobbies?

Drawing, working out, playing video games, makeup, fashion, eating hot chip

12. Do you have any pets?

A dog

13. How tall are you?

5’2’’ or around 157 cm

14. Favorite subject in school?

History! Now i’m into researching the Victorian era, Edwardian era, Gilded Age, Prehistory, Fashion history, and architectural history

15. Dream job?

Marine biologist or a job working with land animals specifically Mole Rats!

I’ll tag

@devitalise @djservo @crsentfairy @mal-functioning <3

#ask game #thank you for tagging me!! <3

[lilacsupernova]

My work is grounded not only in a women's individual bodily integrity but in the integrity of the living relations among women. Both aspects of women's integrity have been assaulted by postmodernist theory and practice. Postmodernism decenters the individual subject and decenters relations among different women, using difference to devitalise rather than enliven. Postmodernist theory and practice have also decentered the ethical in the sense of regarding principles such as the dignity or integrity of a woman's person as without determinate meaning. Since there is no stabilizing center such as truth, conscience, or integrity of being, the ethical dimension vaporizes. Everything is text and more text, signs and more signs, signifiers and more signifiers, encouraging endless rounds of self-devouring equivocations.

– Janice G. Raymond (1993; 2019 ed.) Women as Wombs: Reproductive Technologies and the Battle over Women's Freedom, pp. 192-3.

#janice raymond #women as wombs #postmodernism #womanhood #patriarchy #feminism #reproduction industry #lilac posts

[devitalise]

made a letterboxd if anyone would like to follow me :) username devitalise

#bye x

[madsotc]

I became that dentist fucking nightmare too at least. the cavity developed under a layer of filling and the tooth was a whisper away from needing to be devitalised but he managed to save it. And when we got to the root canal portion of the event he fiddled in there for forever, muttering under his breath, eventually gave up and did another x-ray. When he called the assistant over to check, she just went "what in the world". And they wouldn't say anything more to me until he was done with the root canal (which he eventually managed), then he showed me the x-ray. The canal in that specific tooth is crooked like a hook (i was given to understand that is not common). His parting words to me were "if everyone's teeth were like yours I would not be doing this job" and then robbed me of an exorbitant amount of money.

#but you can't help but being grateful with dentists: yes you robbed me blind #and the amount of pain you put me through almost delivered me unto the hands of god #but i can now go back to living my life blissfully unaware of the several ticking time bombs i have inside my mouth. #burbles.txt

[daydreamrry]

https://gossiprry.tumblr.com/post/692032255873449984/what-makes-me-laugh-the-hardest-is-that-she / spilled bc did you know that married couples slept in separate beds in the 50s? By the 60s if was no longer common as the tradition began to break in 1956, but it was still a tradition for more than half of the decade. What bugs me is that they could've just said this film was based in the 60s era, not 50s. The 60s fits the aesthetic of the film better. I don't like to rag on this production because there were so many other people on the crew other than O that really dedicated themselves for this project to the best of their ability and I feel like it deserves to be respected as such for their sake, but it just feels like the ball keeps getting dropped over and over and over again.

"... between the 1850s and 1950s, separate beds were seen as a healthier, more modern option for couples than the double, with Victorian doctors warning that sharing a bed would allow the weaker sleeper to drain the vitality of the stronger... Separate beds began to be seen as a sign of a distant or failing marriage in the 1950s. In 1956, birth-control advocate and eugenicist Marie Stopes railed against them: “Many of their inhabitants get devitalised, irritable, sleepless and unhappy, I think, because of them. The twin bed set was an invention of the Devil, jealous of married bliss,” she wrote in her final book, Sleep. By the 1960s, their cachet had gone." https://www.theguardian.com/books/2019/aug/16/rolled-over-why-did-married-couples-stop-sleeping-in-twin-beds

even i didn't know this lol thanks for the history lesson bestie ❤️

link to article

[syngrafaes09]

Strange Nights | Vampire! Dr Strange x Y/n

Logline: After Y/N gets imprinted by a vampire Dr Strange, living under a fictive identity, they must unravel the cause behind her constant misadventures before their hopes are crushed forever.

Masterlist

Chapter 15 : Ghostling

She yanked off the blood-soaked cardigan. Wanda and Pepper watched silently in the rear-view mirror as Y/N tried fruitlessly to remove the dried blood from the cheek. There weren't too many stains – mostly on her face and neck.

Pepper pulled over to an abrupt halt and opened the doors. Pentagons and circles were drawn in the mid-driveway that was lined with burnt-out candles.

"What's wrong?" Pepper and Y/N asked in unison when Wanda held out a hand to bar them from venturing any further. "After that attack on Halloween night, Stephen and I had put multiple protection spells on your house. No one unless invited could have entered the house. Looks like someone broke in. Whatever we are dealing with is dangerous... you shouldn't go in Y/N."

Y/N would have paid heed to the warning – almost had - if she hadn't spotted the police cruiser parked on the dark sidewalk of the house. Matt. She dashed for the door. Fast enough for the off-guarded vampires to notice. As soon as she passes the threshold, however, she froze. For there, lying devitalised on the floor was her dad, Matt. Thick blood spilt out from a wound on his side. Around him what used to be the living-cum-dining room lay in shambles. Most of the furniture had been knocked to pieces on the left wall. And on the edge of the large pile of rubble, lay Matt.

A sharp scream pierced through the night as Stephen was about to lay his hands on a jaguar. Against his instincts, he backed away from the prey towards his new ordeal.

After what he had heard, he was expecting to deal with a hysterical girl, crying and thrashing around. Oddly, Y/N was sitting still on the porch steps, as quiet as death, with blank eyes. As his eyes lifted to the door, Wanda stepped out. Luckily the neighbours are out. I think no one has noticed anything. There's too much blood, you should leave. You are not in a right-

"I know." He crouched in front of Y/N, a finger gently lifting her face to meet his gaze. "I know this is difficult for you –"

"You don't know anything," she gritted through her teeth. "Y/N you aren't safe here." Wanda pleaded once again. She had tried to get her back to their house while Pepper called for an ambulance, but the girl won't listen. They would have driven both of them home if she had known that Stephen would come from mid-hunting.

"Until we figure out who is behind this, you'll stay with us. You can see Matt in the hospital once he gains consciousness," Stephen said. His eyes pleaded for her to obey him for one last time. "What guarantee is there that I'll be safe with you?"

"You have to trust me."

"How can I trust you, when my life became much messier than it already was after you turned up?" Y/N cried out, recounting every horrible incident that occurred after that fateful evening in the cafe. She felt ten years younger. Things now were exactly like they were a decade back. The constant threat of death to her loved ones was back. It was like the death monster had hibernated for a few years after her mother's death. It had woken up the day she lost her father, Charles and now was back into action once again.

"Please," the man before her pleaded with all his sincerity.

"What do we do next?" Wanda asked Stephen, as they watched Morgan and Y/N pad to her room. His hunting ritual had been cut short, obviously, he needed to hunt. On the other hand, his reflection on the glass door urged him to get himself cleaned of the dried blood. He wondered how Y/N hadn't screamed at the sight of him then recalled she had asked him not to touch her, a long while ago. "Any lead from Matt?"

"Not much." She was disappointed when she looked into his mind and found nothing on the intruder. They had entered and blasted him with an energy wave knocking him out along with the furniture. "Then whoever went in, didn't expect she was out... Try looking for a friend of hers, Anna-"

"She knew Y/N wasn't going to be home."

"What?"

"Lila and I picked Y/N up from Anna's cottage. Besides, she seems normal. But I'll check on her," she said. "But what I don't understand is why leave a clue ... or sign of what was done? If someone was as powerful as to knock down those spells, wouldn't they have managed to clean up ... at least the driveway..."

He also pondered over the same point. "Was it a mockery?" He suggested. "But why her, Stephen?"

"Have you forgotten what happened an hour ago? You watched her manipulate reality, Wanda! While your manipulations are weak beyond hexes and require a great deal of effort; she did it effortlessly. She had no idea what she was doing. It worked on a subconscious level. One look at her and you knew it. And I won't be surprised to know that all these years she had been subconsciously attracting all sorts of miseries in her life like a magnet. That means anyone like you could have noticed her."

She nodded grimly. "Alright then, I'll find out what I can."

After having scrubbed himself off the blood, he wished to relax in the bath. He hadn't slept in the last four days. His days were piled with surgeries while nights were preoccupied with Tony's promise to the tumbling Order that they'll track down the hybrid culprit. Coupled with that Bucky's stunt of telling Matt about the supernatural world had backfired and he had to clear up the mess – plant fake memories of the event- which had exhausted him. Animal blood wasn't providing enough strength. And his throat burned with desire. The bath could wait.

He glided down the stairs to the basement. Tony, who had returned home and was working in the lab eyed him suspiciously as he examined the place and went one level further below. His object of pursuit lay in the far left end.

"What are you doing?" Tony thundered, having followed him to the second lab.

"Why, have you lost your sight?" He had a bag of fresh blood popped in his mouth. Stephen grabbed another two bags from the blood bank refrigerator before shutting it.

"Those are meant for emergencies- unforeseen crises."

As soon as the first bag was empty he popped in another. "I'm in the midst of a crisis," he pointed. It was odd speaking mouthful as a consequence some of his words were mangled. Tony didn't seem to have any trouble understanding him, however. "I'm exhausted and need something stronger than animal blood."

"You didn't have animal blood, try it and then tell me you are exhausted." Tony snatched the third bag from Stephen as he passed him. He grunted and tried to take it back. "We have a human upstairs-"

"Yeah, another reason why I should have this. I wouldn't be able to control either around her or in the hospital tomorrow." He finally managed to snatch it back from Tony.

Hearing the commotion, the rest of the house had stirred to the basement labs. "You didn't tell me you had a fresh blood reservoir, brother," Loki sniffed and whined. "Those are meant for emergencies." Tony, annoyed, repeated his words from earlier. Stephen ripped off the empty bag and popped the final bag.

Their banter was cut short at the time Wanda grimly announced, "Anna is nowhere and her house reeks of Chaos magic."

Y/N felt her head throbbing - it felt like someone was tearing her brain apart. Slowly. A groan slipped her lips.

"- need more time-"

"-buried deeper-"

"-what-"

"-psychic barriers-"

The muffled, jumbled voices faded with the clicking of the door. She tried to blink my eyes open, but the sudden assault from the light made the pain in her head roar and she quickly closed them again.

As she lay there, she slowly became more cognizant of the surroundings. Something warm – probably a blanket – covered her body. She was lying on something soft and flat – not the cramped-up armchair she had slid into after cleaning up in... Morgan's bathroom. But the realisation didn't help to recognise the voices.

Mentally bracing against the coming pain, she eased my eyes open. A prickly sensation of fear crept up the back of my neck, as she took in the unfamiliarity of the room. This wasn't the large blue room with a sitting area, a coffee table, two armchairs, and a couch. This golden room had a queen size bed in one corner, adjacent to it a door and in front of her, a glass container that took up most of the wall. She gaped at the content of the container. She had seen many Ironman cosplay suits but these two suits... "So real and... historical," she amazed under her breath.

"You are right." The voice made me jump. If it had been anyone else, they wouldn't have heard her. But Morgan wasn't anyone else. She was so quiet that Y/N hadn't noticed her coming in. Well, she didn't have vampire senses like her. "That's Mark II and Mark V."

"You shouldn't reveal that to her," another voice – male – grimaced, from her back. "It's okay Pete, she's part of our family now. I'm sure she won't give away an Avenger-level secret." Her mind was still processing the family part when the Avenger-level secret hyped it further up. She heard a derisive snort.

"Oh," Morgan looked at her confused expression, "If you still don't realise it, we are the avengers. Or precisely speaking, everyone in this house, except Peter and me, was an Avenger; Peter was the friendly neighbourhood Spiderman, of course," she announced it like she was reading out the perfectly normal, well – anticipated headline from the daily newspaper.

There were many speculations where the team of superheroes was once they disappeared into thin air – hiding in space, resting underwater, kidnapped by aliens, and so on. But with time people had lost not only the vim and vigour to trace them back but also any reminiscence of the faces behind the masks. Like many men that came before the avengers, they were lost to the history of legends.

Many questions were spilling like beans in her mind – why did they hide? What had happened? If they were still alive, why aren't they helping people like they used to? But all that came out of her mouth was, "What time is it?"

Morgan chuckled. "One in the morning," she answered with a shake of her head. "Well, you must be hungry. Let's get you some sustenance then mom could drive you to the hospital."

"I don't need any sustenance." Her stomach rumbled in protest. "I wanna see Matt first, please, how is he?"

She shook her head. "No food, no hospital. That's what mom said. Your unc- err... father is out of danger. Rachel's with him."

"If anything goes slightly left, give a gentle tap," he said, indicating to the inconspicuous roundel beneath the sleeve of the hood that Morgan had forced Y/N into after she had hesitated to change into her clothes, "and the suit would be around you. Any questions?" The Tony Stark looked at her expectantly. After Morgan's revelations, it had become difficult to move about the house without being dazed. As if it wasn't already marvellous enough to take in the fact that the Rochester household had once been the Avengers; the AI, nanotechnology, and other technologies that were still in process of making, are existing in this house were incredulous.

"How do I use it? And get out of it?"

"Excellent question. F.R.I.D.A.Y. will manage everything. You have nothing to worry about. Now off we go."

You have nothing to worry about. She wished it was true, hurrying behind him up the stairs of the lab. She felt moisture fill up her eyes as she looked at Pepper standing by the door. They knew each other barely, yet her kindness towards me was insurmountable. Without her getting Y/N to the hospital behind Stephen and Wanda's backs, she would never have got the chance to see Matt tonight.

Y/N had choked on a mouthful of bread when Pepper had informed me that everything that she had of mother had been burnt to ash and Stephen would take me somewhere safe once he returned from his errand in an hour. From his and Wanda's erratic behaviour and request to not let Y/N out till they returned, Pepper hardly believed he would keep up his promise of letting Y/N see Matt.

"You have got twenty... six minutes exactly from now," Tony announced as a Shelby Cobra and a Saleen slithered out of the garage door soundlessly.

"That will be enough," Pepper said, giving Y/N a small smile. "And where... are you going?"

"To the nuclear plant. Jane's got something for me."

"Really? Or are you chickening out Tony?"

"I'm scared of none," he replied indignantly.

"I never said you were scared."

"F.R.I.D.A.Y. put on the Mystic shields. Nobody breaks in other than our blood-sucking- Oww" Pepper elbowed him before he could finish. "They have names. Stephen, Wanda, and Loki," she said, sliding into the driver's seat. "But what if some other witch impersonates them? I was just giving clear-cut commands." Pepper didn't answer and zoomed into the darkness.

In the hospital, Rachael and Jade were sitting in the waiting room outside the ICU. One of the volunteers came out with the magazine cart and behind him Jade. The thing was a joke because the ICU is not a place where people come to stay for a long time. Not usually, anyway, Rachael and Y/N were a special case. But then again, Matt's case was different than their mother's. He was kept for observation while she had been kept from dying.

The white ceiling. The pale walls. And her still form wrapped in gauze. Still, so still. They had sat for hours looking at her closed eyes. At her slightly downturned face. At the tubes going into it. Her skin looked waxy.

Y/N blinked and pinched the bridge of her nose. She didn't want to see Matt like that. And he wasn't. He looked very much alive behind the glass doors. He wasn't dying like Jane.

"Stop." With her hand on the door, Y/N blinked back at Rachael. "You heard me," she said, still not looking up at her. "You have done enough damage already. It has to stop."

"Rachael, what have-"

"What have you not done?" Her red-rimmed eyes burned with pain and anger. She stopped to draw a deep breath and then went ranting on. It seemed she had wanted to say all this for years. "Don't tell me that I don't understand what you feel because I don't - I don't want to. Every time I try to accept you like my own- like dad expects me to, y-you do something crazy. No, crazy isn't appropriate... You find some way to push me to the bottom." Tears fled free from her eyes as Y/N peeked through mine. "Wasn't my mom enough?"

"S-she was my mom too."

"She never loved you," Rachael finally said, unleashing years of pent-up rage and jealousy.

"Okay," she tried to reach her, hold her and stop her violent shaking, "She... loved you, not m-me."

"If you get that then leave us alone. Spare one of our parents alive."

"I'm not doing this. I never hurt mom or any of our dads."

"You nevertheless aren't a good omen," she claimed. And she was right. Y/N never was. Death and destruction followed everywhere she went. "Go away like mom had taken you far from us."

Y/N had to choose my words very carefully then. "I can't do what you want. But I'll if your dad wants the same. I never- don't want to hurt him when he wakes up."

"He never will want you to go, if that's what you want to hear. He always tried to bargain for a family that wasn't ever there. He has to accept that. That imaginary family he thought he had, ceased to exist the day mom left us. All of us have to..."

Sometimes you want things that can't happen. That won't happen. And it's just how things are. "I guess that's it then."

There weren't any hugs. Any turn-backs. Or goodbyes. There was her dad who always denied the fact that there was no broken family, it always lived forever, and here was Rachael that called it all imaginary. Either way, she couldn't bid farewell to something that would always exist or to something that never existed.

"That was cruel," Pepper whispered.

"Some people don't understand that everyone has their fair share of misery and happiness. Rachel's one of them. And I'm tired of trying to make her understand that our losses are the same in one way or another."

#dr strange #dr strange x reader #dr strange x you #dr strange x y/n #dr strange x fem!reader #dr strange imagine #dr strange fanfiction #dr stephen strange #dr stephen strange x reader #dr stephen strange x y/n #doctor strange #doctor strange x reader #doctor strange x you #doctor strange x y/n #doctor strange x female reader #doctor strange imagine #doctor strange fanfiction #doctor stephen strange #doctor stephen strange x y/n #stephen strange #stephen strange x reader #stephen strange x you #stephen strange x y/n #stephen strange imagine #stephen strange fanfiction #vampire dr strange #paranormal romance #vampire romance #MCU fanfiction

[cheesehair]

now @devitalise

cc can be found here

[djservo]

not only did you beat me but i am horrifically late.. how embarrassing for me! however(!), i have finally made it to ask you the oh so important question: how much chocolate did you eat over the easter weekend? do you get a long weekend in the us? oh and i guess how did your march reading go? any spring time specific reads or other things you’re looking forward to?

FEELS GOOD TO WIN ONE!!!! 😪👏 tbh I'm not that big on sweets + easter treats especially seem like overload to me BUT I've been rationing a bag of cadbury mini eggs for the past week and it's been a delight in my day!!! pep in my step!! my work gave us friday off + IIRC they do the same in schools too? but I also took off thursday bc I was going to a wedding with friends so extra long weekend praise be 🏝️ oh yes and the reading part!!

Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison

I think I was halfway thru this during our last round-up and I already knew it was gonna be my fav Morrison thus far but Wowwwwwowow an already gripping story and then the final third just smacks ya outta nowhere and floors you!!! which is wild because I was already completely into it when things were unraveling in the way of slice of life / reckoning with family history and curses - such a fleshed out setting and cast of characters - but then it twists into this epic adventure at the very last second and it's just crazy how something already so layered can get even dizzier, and how complete it still feels! not overdone or rushed at all, just complete magic!!

Of Death. Minimal Odes by Hilda Hilst

there's just somethin about Hilda!!! perfect balance between bare bones simplicity + profundity to me - maybe it's striking because of how simple it is, or conversely reads as straightforward (a minimal ode if U will) because it's as if she's speaking truths that could only be articulated in a surreal way. WHO KNOWS !!! similar to my experience with With My Dog Eyes I was left with this certain ennui where it seemed like something didnt click immediately but then ofc I thought about specific lines for days and weeks after + craving more of her writing. a slow burn of affection! and the translation is so beautiful!! got me thinking about how a translator isn't ever Just translating, but also has to wear the hat of the author they're translating which is so beautifully layered to me + I have so much respect for it as an art itself

Girls to the Front by Sara Marcus

I was excited for this bc riot grrrl is interwoven in so many things/people I admire but it fell pretty flat. didn't care for Marcus's uneven prose throughout which felt peppered in as an afterthought + it was clear which topics/bands/figures Marcus favored in how much more attention + depth she gave them, which maybe is inevitable when you're personally connected to a subculture but I feel like if you're describing a book as "an epic, definitive history" of a movement, you shouldn't be so blatantly biased? it's also kinda funny in an ironic way how she condenses the experience of queer women and WOC feeling left out in a matter of like. 4 pages total. then goes back to essentially a Kathleen Hanna love fest (whomst I also love!!! but that's not what this book should've been!!) then again, I don't expect a white woman to sufficiently examine and/or encapsulate the intricacies of intersectionality so whatevz . flopperoni

Assata by Assata Shakur

I've had a copy of this for yearssss but I'm kinda glad I waited til now because it made me think so much of Leila Khaled's memoir at parts in their undying loyalty to the cause and unashamed criticism of the radical groups they longed to be apart of - in this case, the BPP and its gendered hierarchy - and it's just nice to be able to have this bridge between revolutionaries + revolutions, the embodiment of fighting the same struggle / no one being free until everyone's free. powerful and unflinching yet completely grounded and lucid in reflection - no detail felt out of place and no indictment felt gratuitous. completely demoralizing at parts (as if the american justice system could seem any more like a joke) and particularly bleak to see how relevant so much of this feels decades later (but also unsurprising when you think about america's enactment + sustaining of brutality as a well-oiled machine, the very core of its existence). just all around special and profound

for april I planned to read some short story collections but already I feel myself straying + craving something juicier so I may just let this be another wildcard month as far as ~theme goes like sorry but the heart wants what it wants and in this case it's bret easton ellis seediness!! happy spring!!!

#wishing hoping praying I dont get flagged for that hilda hilst cover it's just too good PLEASE LET US HAVE ONE NIPPLE 🙏 #asks #devitalise #reads

[manonthomsonstudio4]

Reading // Gendered Devitalisations: A Double Reading of the “Vagina Dentata” Motif in India

Rossi, R. (2017). Gendered Devitalisations: A Double Reading of the “Vagina Dentata” Motif in India. Zeszyty Naukowe Uniwersytetu Jagiellońskiego. Studia Religiologica, 50(4), 345–357. https://doi.org/10.4467/20844077SR.17.022.8756

The motif of the “Vagina Dentata” appears throughout history as a symbol for the masculine fear of feminine sexuality or the “other”. The fangs or teeth that supposedly surround a woman’s vagina represent the “weaker’s” attempt to defend themselves against violence - often linked to cases of rape. The myth is rooted in a fear of the female body and this is a concept that I want to explore within my own work.

[relationshipsonline]

Australian Devitalised couples are more self-confident that their US counterparts

PREPARE/ENRICH research has found that satisfied couples tend to score high in assertiveness and self-confidence, and low in avoidance and partner dominance. Conversely, the tendency for unsatisfied couples is for one or both individuals to be low in assertiveness and self-confidence, and high in avoidance and partner dominance. PREPARE/ENRICH measures two components of overall…

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#assertiveness #Australian couples #avoidance #partner dominance #self-confidence

[nonielixir]

Significance of Noni

All our diets lack in nutrients, our body require. NONI replaces vital nutrients which are depleted from our foods and not replaced by other supplements. It is observed that our body requires around 16 major nutrients and more than 150 micronutrients every day for proper functioning.

Most diseases are caused by nutritional deficiencies. Nutritional deficiency also breaks down our immune system which weakens our body’s natural ability to fight diseases and infections. Scientists have expressed their shock that people now are experiencing only 50% of immunity compared to early 60’s.

Proper daily intake of sufficient nutrients effectively prevents almost all diseases. Nutritional deficiencies are caused due to the fact that the foods we eat are devitalised. Modern farming practices using chemicals, fertilisers and toxic pesticides have depleted our soil off much of its natural mineral components.

Nutrition deficiency also occurs due to cooking of food, intake of sugars and fats. Noni is the only fruit that provides more than 150 of these much needed essential neutraceuticals in their most readily absorbable form to enhance our health. Thus NONI protects us from diseases and provides good health.

Noni is a balancing agent, stabilizing the body in maintaining perfect health. It is the most important medicinal fruit used to treat a wide range of maladies.

[danishkhan786]

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