#detatched empathy

[supernovacat]

Everyone talks about lack of empathy this and hyper empathy that.

But no one talks about detached empathy, where you can understand the emotions via disassociating. Literally putting yourself in their shoes and how they react to things and applying it to the present situation.

Or mixed type, where you can understand that a person is feeling something, but where the response doesn't seem logical from your perspective, creating a lot of cognitive dissonance.

Or for AuADHD the special type, where your object permanence kicks in, so even if you do feel empathy in the moment, if it's not present it no longer exists. Leading to doing insensitive things, because the emotions have been forgotten.

I'm mostly detached type, and no one talks about it, or how to deal with it.

#autism #auadhd #adhd #empathy #hyper empathy #lack of empathy #detatched empathy #disassociatation #object permanence

[92fs]

And I actually like narratives full of characters like that. It might be because I hate purifying fandom talk a-la “this wouldn’t have happened if this [negative trait that is in the CORE of this character] wasn’t there...” like yeah bitch it’s called conflict. So I like DN because literally all of them have this specific “negative” plot-wise trait that is there because they’re morally imperfect and that will affect the plot even if you’re uncomfortable with it. 

#DN #Mello's idealistic brazen brave impulsivity. #Matt's borderline criminal carelessness. #Light's cunty personality [scribbled out] narcissism and ego and lack of empathy. #Near's apathy and tendency to detatch from reality he sees as a plaything. #<--- he's autistic so it's not a negative trait. that's how he is. #L's a whole ass basket full of traits that he can't get rid of but basically #L's are Matt+Mello+Near's 'negative' traits #etc

[nonbinaryphantom]

jack and maddie fixate on a topic (ghosts) so heavily like theyre in their own world sometimes like wow theyre just like me

#also i have slightly lower than average empathy so i see people villainize maddie #but in a cold detached scientist way and i go :( #like damn i sure am detatched lol

[saltfishfemale]

yeahhh idc if it’s in poor taste n maybe im just young and stupid but a small part of me will always wish unwanted pregnancy on pro-lifers. not unwanted birth, thats barbaric. i just want them to have to know how it feels, and then have the option to terminate. i want them to experience what they are advocating other women go through, because atp that stance can only be born from pure detatchment from reality and lack of empathy. like if that was an embryo growing inside you, you would know damn well it isnt a person or even a baby. even if you would never admit it. and if you could look a woman you know personally, distraught from the discovery that she is pregnant and does not want to be, in the eye and tell her she must go through with her pregnancy because “its a human being too,” you are just evil.

#personal #feminism

[theomnicode]

Saitama and emotional blunting

It is pretty sobering thing to keep repeating that Saitama breaks things he loves and likes to do, whenever he feels normal emotions. Like little bit of excitement or anger and does things he likes and loves to do, such as playing games or punching monsters.

The carton of eggs he wanted to make food with, but he had to end up eating them mostly raw over rice and consume them all immediately, else they'd spoil. Because he punched a monster who made a deal about his bald head, something he's really self-conscious about and the shockwave of his own punch broke all the eggshells and ruined his plans for cost-efficient food.

Breaking King's console buttons and controllers that he likes to play with frequently, because King is nice and loans his gaming equipment to Saitama so he can play games and they can play together. One of his favourite past times. Other dudes would not be so forgiving if one constantly broke their expensive equipment and erased their save data. That is a deal breaker, definitely among gamers especially. You don't mess with save datas. It could be thousand hours worth save data, down the drain.

(I love how much focus ONE puts into King being such a nice dude, King is low-key so amazing)

Shredding his ugly shirt that he loves from his own punch's shockwave, to protect the judges who absolutely belittled his character and still not get proper acknowledgement for his deeds. Just because he was really annoyed the monster came to interrupt the whole thing.

And then the worst of them all...almost destroying the entire planet, because he snapped and flew into a massive rage fit and had an emotional surge so strong it destroyed entire star clusters. Almost destroying the planet he lives on.

Because he could not contain himself and stopped consciously inhibiting himself and his emotions and let them completely loose, because this time he wanted to break something and break it hard. He stopped caring about the consequences.

Saitama's apathy is entirely learned behaviour of inhibiting himself. Because he has learned that he breaks things when he feels too strongly about anything, he subconsciously blunts his emotions to be more detatched. But it is a maladaptive coping method and can lead to various issues, HAS led to various issues already.

I can only begin to guess if there is some underlying trauma at hand not just limited to him breaking his limits. But it seems very likely.

Emotional detachment and/or emotional blunting have multiple causes, as the cause can vary from person to person. Emotional detachment or emotional blunting often arises due to adverse childhood experiences, for example physical, sexual or emotional abuse. Emotional detachment is a maladaptive coping mechanism for trauma, especially in young children who have not developed coping mechanisms. Emotional detachments can also be due to psychological trauma in adulthood, like abuse, or traumatic experiences like war, automobile accidents etc.

Emotional blunting is often caused by antidepressants in particular selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) used in major depressive disorder (MDD), and often as an add-on treatment in other psychiatric disorders. Individuals with MDD usually experience emotional blunting as well. Emotional blunting is a symptom of MDD, as depression is negatively correlated with emotional (both positive and negative) experiences.

This detachment does not necessarily mean avoiding empathy; rather, it allows the person to rationally choose whether or not to be overwhelmed or manipulated by such feelings. Examples where this is used in a positive sense might include emotional boundary management, where a person avoids emotional levels of engagement related to people who are in some way emotionally overly demanding, such as difficult co-workers or relatives, or is adopted to aid the person in helping others.

Emotional detachment can also be "emotional numbing","emotional blunting", i.e., dissociation, depersonalization or in its chronic form depersonalization disorder. This type of emotional numbing or blunting is a disconnection from emotion, it is frequently used as a coping survival skill during traumatic childhood events such as abuse or severe neglect. After continually using this coping mechanism, it can become a response to daily stresses.

Emotional detachment may allow acts of extreme cruelty and abuse, supported by the decision to not connect empathically with the person concerned. Social ostracism, such as shunning and parental alienation, are other examples where decisions to shut out a person creates a psychological trauma for the shunned party.

He uses emotional blunting every single time normal person would start to feel pissed at their unfair treatment, for instance. Or overtly emotional about anything, he blunts his own emotions down. Because he can feel very strongly, he forces himself to not feel strongly so he doesn't break everything in sight. When people judge him to be a rotten person at a glance and otherwise. Judge his ideals. His appearance. His heroism. You name it.

Don't be fooled by the dopey, unexpressive face. It's not healthy for him.

Being detatched from his emotions means detatchment from humanity. He is not yet cruel, but it's not a far leap to make if he went down the future route where Genos died, because even at the beginning of the series, he was blase to other people's concerns and their lives. Yet if he does not emotionally detatch, he ends up breaking things.

Important things to him.

His divine power being rooted in his emotions, feeling stronger emotions means he punches harder. But so do the effects get bigger. His strenght is just not limited to just punching things, every emotional action gets magnified.

He is afraid of not only the consequences of accidentally hurting people if he was to let loose and stop inhibiting himself, but also the abandonment that follows once people realise that he breaks their stuff accidentally. Or he could break THEM accidentally. The very few friends that he has made leaving him because he is far too strong for this world. Social ostracization and the fear of being isolated that he keeps facing daily.

His powers are a really cruel mistress.

And yet...

His emotions will also protect things that he cares about if he simply wills it.

Something he hasn't realized yet and did not consciously realize because his memory got conveniently erased.

King was completely in the blast zone of Serious punch that utterly vaporized Elder Centipede and his communicator that he had in his pocket broke, so he was caught in it. Yet he remains unharmed. He pissed himself in utter fear at the effects but unharmed aside from his pride, yes.

Genos core was held by Saitama and withstood everything thrown at him, because he willed and didn't want it to break.

If he understood this, he would not have to be afraid of accidentally destroying things or hurting things that he loves and inhibit his emotions and he could learn how to express his emotions again in their entire range and wholly. Deal with possible past trauma. And become more like his old self again.

Punch the rock-face of his emotional stoicness out of the way.

If I remember that our hearts turn kindness into strength I feel like I can protect someone more When I look up, I see the sky that is connected with you

(Yes the opening has metaphors of Saitama punching his inner demons out of the way. One by one. So he can become a true hero. There's a reference to rock-face in ONE's season 3 celebration tweet as well)

(ONE does not give him the easy way out lol, he has to learn his emotions and the connections with his power the slow, painful way)

(My man King is a beast and a true friend, he ate Serious punch, witnessed and FELT Saitama's powers, fears them and yet he still stands by his side and believes and trusts in Saitama that he can protect him)

#opm #one punch man #opm meta #saitama #king #emotional blunting #emotional detachment #inhibition #opm anime screencaps #opm manga panels #character analysis

[system-of-a-feather]

Whatever I'll go by Chuun - and yeah literally based on "Chew toy" cause why not. It's kinda funny though our fiance is so used to new faces poping around I'm just like "anyways *waves off* let me listen to my music and do my own thing"

Asshole replies with "YOU DONT HAVE YOUR OWN MUSIC OR YOUR THING" which like fair bitch but fuck off. "My own thing" and "my music" is usually a very specific thing in our system but like, whatever man.

Tbh I'll probably not show up again or be absorbed into XIV or some shit at some point so its more of a formality than anything but *shrugs* (probably) polyfragmentation be like

I do have to say for as much of a hot mess of a system that we are, we are all so fucking egotistical and apathetic so its really just like, we split new parts and rather than freaking out like a lot of parts probably should most of us are just like ".... eh Im here and thats whatever. I'm too good to give a shit anyways"

Also on that note can I say Riku is literally one of the most annoying baseline hosts our system could have? Cause like, most of us in this system are extremely apathetic and detatched from crap - like low AF empathy low AF shits given low AF remorse and huge fucking egos all around - and then there is Riku who is basically an animated sentient definition of a mask and they are CONSTANTLY super energetic, engaged, enthused, and bouncing off the walls and theyre good at looking friendly and personable and so like

When a newbie(?) like me comes floating around its SUCH a high standard to try to live up to if you don't want to deal with having to make a fuss about it. Like I was gonna try to mask around our fiance cause I don't really care for people and shit, but I know I'd last like 2 seconds before he sniffed me out so I was just like "Sup Im not Riku and probably not anyone else noted, now imma go do my own shit until someone whose actually engaged gets out here to do something"

#alter: chuun #alter: chew toy #vent #bitching #chuun bitching #vent tw

[aotopmha]

Chainsaw Man episode 2:

I think the element with the most potential is actually the wierd relationship between Makima and Denji.

Episode 2 introduced what seems to be our core cast, but I think the roller coaster of feelings Denji went through at the start of the episode was the highlight.

Denji has a sense of what good and bad relationships look like, but because he has had a pretty horrible life and few (to no) relationships, the moment he recieves any kind of kindness, any kind of critical thinking in a relationship goes out of the window. He doesn't have much of a sense of nuance for feelings.

Power and Aki are jerks/crazy to him, so they're crazy (and to be fair Power absolutely seems exactly inside as she is on the surface) and he seems to at least understand Aki better after the confrontation with him, but Makima is nice to him once (also because she has boobs), so she's nice, when in truth she is kind of treating him like a dog.

Positive reinforcement via reward: warm clothes, food, nice words.

The most emotionally genuine she seemed was when she hugged him, but even in that scene I got the sense there is a clear cold wall in there and no real genuine warmth behind her actions and Denji isn't seeing any of that.

I read her as super emotionally detatched and that makes sense considering what her job is (and if that's the correct reading I'm curious what made her that way however simple of complex that might might be), but this is also leaning into a stereotype that can be taken into some really annoying directions: women are just cold, manipulative assholes/crazies leading men on.

But it could also go in a way where Makima is treated like a human being by the narrative even if she is manipulative while Denji also learns that chasing boobs is the shallow thing, but also that Makima is actually kinda using him.

There's a scene in episode 2 where Denji feels like even if his dream seems to have come true, there is something missing in his life.

That something is probably not boobs, but a genuine emotional connection with someone and with the info I have 2 episodes in, right now Makima either has a massive wall or nothing in terms of a genuine ability/wish to connect to people emotionally.

Denji is essentially one of the horrible monsters humanity is fighting, but something also tells me Makima's lack of empathy might be separate.

And as said that can be spun in wierd directions (women are cold monsters for not taking care of men's feelings, wierd mysterious creatures whose only purpose is to be manipulative/cruel etc).

But I'm hoping for both complex Denji and complex Makima.

Complex messed up/wierd relationships are one way to get me invested in a story.

And as also said this one has potential and I hope the story does something interesting with it.

#Chainsaw Man #CSM

[justrandomfandomstm]

autism is such a mindfuck sometimes

because i as an autistic, dont feel empathy or sympathy or whatever its called

I cant put myself in other peoples shoes because I dont understand what that means

For me to understand a person I need to know everything about them. How they think, how their brain works, what makes them tic. How do their parents affect them? How did where they grew up and where they are now affect them? Why the act the way they do?

I need all of this information, and even then I dont know what to do to help.

Because I now know all of that about them, but I dont know what they need to help.

Or not help, but... i dont know.

When people say "put youself in their shoes" I do, but that does not mean what works for me will work for them.

I have always been detatched to my feelings, I dont feel anything to extremes, i dont grieve like a normal person, I dont work as you do.

Book characters have helped me so much this way, but also ruined me.

Before, I could not understand there were people who thought different than me, who worked differently. So by reading books like PJO I started to understand that.

But now, I need to know everything about them or I wont understant. I need to know their thought process, I need to see how the gears turn in their head.

This makes me see others as characters in a story and not as real people.

The problem is... that I dont see a difference between the two.

People and characters always interest me. I want to know everything there is to know about them if thwy intrigue me. Maybe because I dont feel like they do. Like what they do matters or affects others.

I have always felt like an outsider in life, like a narrator in someone elses body. I never feel completly here, so I try to see people the only way I can, by treating them as a book.

Problem is, I cant understand things like they do. I dont view the world like they do, I dont know what they expect or need form me.

And it also means that I have a body, I have what people view as a soul. But for me, a soul is what I lack. I am not here, I am simply a viewer. I have to make choices as characters do and live with their consequences, but I dont feel them as deep as I should.

I dont get driving with no destination, I don't get movies with no story, I dont get doing things with no goal and I dont get doing things without reason.

This all makes me who I am, which is a shell of who others think I am.

Which is why its so easy changing who I am depending on who Im with. I am clay, I am who you wnt me to be. I am the wise, I am the jester. I am the rock, I am the broken. I am everything you need, yet I always end up lacking.

I dont know if that is because since I am no one, they dont understand me, or if they know I am nothing but an echo of who they hope is there.

I dont remember what I was trying to say, my head is hurting so bad that thought hurt so I will not check. That is all for today I think, imma read more of the characters I have imprinted on to try and feel human. Byeeee

#idk what this is #i have a migrane rn so this is what you get #i am autistic #i am so tired #i am having a crisis #not truly a crisis #i just need to write out my thought to try and understand them #i hope someone out there gets what im trying to say

[dumbledore-and-grindelwald]

Does Gellert respect anyone other than Albus? He wants to exalt the wizarding race, and he seems to despise everyone.

We won't know that until the story establishes it.

Overall, Gellert seems to have a bad combination of a superiority complex because of his exceptional abilities and mind and of a hard time with mastering empathy.

Consequently, he does not see others as his equal in sense of power, and caring about them because he likes them, feels for them or appreciates their humanity is not something that comes natural to them.

I wouldn't say he despises everyone. For example I don't thing that he despises Rosier, or Vogel etc. But he clearly does not 'like' them either. He sees their function. To Gellert it seems that most people are the combination of their power, their loyalty and their competence. Those are the things he respects, because those are what serve him. But they are still not enough for him to 'feel' for these people or to love.

Ultimately that's not REAL respect, because it focuses on effective subservience.

I think that it is important for the story to show us Gellert's relationship with his family. There may have been respect to someone there. No matter if it was, it's ultimately important to know what drives him. Was he from a family of supremacists? Did he lose loved ones during WWI and ended up dehumanizing the muggles in his head and getting detatched from people to seek emotional invulnerability after a traumatic experience of loss? We'll never be able to properly understand how Gellert sees people until his past before the summer with the Dumbledores is addressed.

#gellert grindelwald #asks #fantastic beasts #harry potter

[amysmusings-archive]

Something I'm geninuely curious about for those that either have low to no empathy.

How does that work exactly?

Like if there's a tragic event, like a shooting or less extreme, someone died and everyone else around you is sad, do you acknowledge its sad but are detatched from feeling what everyone else is feeling? Is it not active and/or applied empathy but you still sympathize with the person, just can't imagine what they're feeling until you feel it yourself?

I hope I'm not offending anyone, I'm just trying to understand what having little to no empathy means.

#low empathy #no empathy #not sure what else to tag this as #mental health

[vivalabunbun]

*sees new posted fic* welp, guess I'll sleep later :D

Amazing story as always!!! Haha brainrot strikes again but honestly same. Even though Haitham's story quest was crafted imo I'm always craving more for this man. Lowkey hoping we get a second quest with us exploring around the Akademiya like normal students buuuuut thats just me being greedy. Also, loooooved haitham's POV. I'm always interested in the way this man thinks. Definitely agree with the whole detatched, bored and observant vibe <3

-🌸

Hoyo give us Akademiya date please 🙏

And thank you 🥹 I was worried about posting a short fluff

He’s such an interesting character and in a lot of ways I see traits I really admire. The balance of rationality and empathy that he doesn’t outright show.

But even if he sees himself as different than the rest, he never looks down on the rest as witnessed from his story quest.

But remember sleep! Sleep is important!

#vivaramblings

[opens-up-4-nobody]

Idk if anyone needs to hear this, but... having low empathy doesn't make you an inherently bad person. You can have a strong moral code that is detached from emotionality and get by just fine as a "good person".

#i just trying to assure myself bc feel like a fucking psychopath when ppl around me are emotional #yesterday my friend was opening sobbing in front of me bc the universe has been terribly unkind to her #and i had no empathetic response to that #but i do have a strong moral code #so my brain goes: ur friend is crying. crying and feeling sad is bad. therfore this is bad and u dont like it. how do u fix this #and thats fine. but id does make me feel like an alien bc i dont feel anything about it #either i just have very low empathy or being emotionally detatched is a defense mechanism #either way i have no reaction #sigh... i wish the universe woukd ve nice to her... #unrelated #idk when ppl r upset my response is to listen ans validate what they say so they feel heard and as if there's anything i can do to help #bc I've cried in public too many times and i kno how awkward thst is for other ppl. and i dont like hugs but it helps them feel better so i #hug them and i makes me feel worse #so idk. ask what ppl need when they cry. dont do what would make u feel better

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

What do you think Zib would have been like if he had been introduced in the show? Do you think he would have been different or pretty much the same?

Idk just something I’ve been thinking about lately :/

Pretty much the same I think.

This might be weird to say coming from me..

Especially since I'm friends/aquantiences with a lot of the Zib squad.

While Zib's fandom interpretations and aus are a whole hell of a lot of fun...and I do enjoy them a lot and I enjoy bastard Tumblr sexy man disaster Zib....

I kinda always prefer the canon Zib the most.

Well, at least his canon age.

HE IS TWELVE

At least, he's exactly the same age as Dib.

I think there are really more interesting character possibilities to explore through the lens of child psychology and a child character.

Like extremely low empathy, lots of unanswered questions about his family, the confidence in which he tells blatant lies towards Dib to just gain his trust.

I feel like everyone is real quick to age up a character to a teenager or their own age just because they relate to that plight more and it's easier to self project to a 20-something rather then an actual twelve year old boy.

But for me personally, the fact that Zib created a system that completely only benefits him and was planning to wipe out all Zims from multiple realities posing as a number one Zim and did all this when he was just a child and lost his family, and apparently seems to not care about humanity and is completely dissallsioned with humans at such a young age is what is the most facinating to me.

And it's pretty common behavior for kids who grew up in neglectful or abusive households to view humanity like this.

Like we don't know entirely what happened to Zib's family. All we know is that Zib defeated Zim and they didn't care. And that's all we got. It's all up to personal interpretation on the events that actually transpired.

My personal headcanon is that Zib's family was worried about his declining mental health rather then whatever alien corpse he was shoving in their face. Cause Dib is thickheaded and can't see past his own truth.

Also, Zib was really overjoyed to see a Dib in the Zimvoid. I don't think that was an act. Zib felt alone and surrounded by Zims he hates, he probably really thought that a Dib would be the only one who understands and gets him, and that crushing betrayal when he finds that Dib is just like "other humans" aka: his family.

Yeah, I don't think I'll ever personally write a story about Zib.

But if I ever get around to making like the two (technically three) animatics I have in my head, you can guarantee he's just going to be a dumb kid who got in way over his head with a fiercely independent streak and a warped sense of justice.

So basically, the Zimvoid arc will probably be adapted like how the Florpus started out as an adaptation of the first comic issue, before detatching from the rails and doing it's own thing

#invader zim #zib #danachan's asks #danachan's replies #danachan's rants #those who make any zib content at all: ur valid as all hell and ilu

[frankenbolt]

Tell me about carnage and shriek - what're their life goals, what's their whole deal.

Thank you for indulging me.

Ahem.

Cletus Kasady is a fictional serial killer who was cellmates with Eddie Brock, the first host of the Venom symbiote in the Spider-man comics. When they were in the process of breaking out of prison, the symbiote gave birth to a red symbiote, which latched onto Cletus, bonded and thus Carnage was born.

Carnage is...well. He's obviously homicidal. The reason why varies from comic to comic but roughly he has your standard 90s serial killer mo. He witnessed his father brutally murdering his mother, he pushed his grandmother down the stairs, he killed small animals. Eventually he was dumped into an orphanage after he testified against his father.

He's also a massive dork. He's not booksmart, in some iterations he has barely any reading or writing skills. He's also not streetsmart. He's socially awkward and he's really only ever had one friend in his entire life and he tried to kill him to "save" him.

Cletus is into heavy metal, horror movies and is easily influenced by pop culture in general. (See: "Carnage- It's a Wonderful Life", and "Carnage- Mind Bomb", 1996). When I say he's a massive dork I mean he's HUGELY over the top and hammy. When he lost the symbiote for a time, he broke out of jail, painted himself red and ran amok through New York in his tighty whities. That's how detatched from reality he is.

That being said.

Shriek, aka Frances Barrison is a fictional serial killer who, when shot in the head by a police officer, was taken into the superhero Cloak's darkforce dimension, which awakened her latent Mutant ablities.

Her mutant ablities are the ablity to shoot sonic blasts from her hands, and dark empathy- basically she can grow dissent, violence and the urge to inflict pain in others....and sometimes she can fly.

Frances was terrorised by her mother as a child for being overweight, which drove Frances to drugs. She was a heavy metal groupie and she frequently hung around bands and their hangers on, eventually dealing herself. It's not really any wonder why her mutant powers took so long to manifest.

She has a strong Mother complex. She adopts super-villians and babies them, "feeding" them with her dark empathy to prolong their bloodlust.

Marvel doesn't think she's interesting enough to spend a lot of time worrying over her backstory but I strongly disagree because GOSH that's a lot to work with.

Anyway anyway-

Here you have Cletus Kasady, who's broke loose of his confines in the Ravencroft Institute for the Criminally Insane, which was where all the Spider-man villians who were deemed mentally ill, and is about to make his big escape--when a woman's voice calls out from behind a heavily reinforced door.

He rips it away and finds...well. A woman practically made for him. Metal Chick? Check. Hugely Hammy? Check. Serial Killer? Check.

POWERS THAT LITERALLY AMPLIFY HIS OWN? CHECK CHECK CHECK.

Because she can feel the violence and panic that he spreads. She can feed on it and it brings her more power of her own. Frances is literally the perfect woman for Cletus Kasady and they're a match made in hell.

A parasite for the parasite.

By and large, as is the way for most lady villians in comics, esp Marvel, Shriek usually only gets used when Carnage is about, and then not all the time. When they do appear together it's usually as partners, but the undertone is always that they're fucking on the reg. In Maximum Carnage, they have this whole Manson Family vibe, down to calling each other husband and wife. In Deadpool vs Carnage they're on a roadtrip? Well. A murder roadtrip.

In the 2010/2011 Carnage miniseries, after Cletus is returned to earth from being cut in half (it doesn't matter why, but he now has robot legs which is fun), We get to see the symbiote's imprinted impressions that Cletus has of Frances.

Do they actually love each other? Well. As much as they're capable of feeling anything for anyone. Cletus lacks empathy for pretty much everyone. He cares about the "great truth" - pure unmitigated chaos. His goal, if you can call it that, is to spread chaos via random acts of violence and murder. The random part is key. If it has any sort of planning to it, he's just not interested. If she's not in the comic he's currently in, he usually won't mention her, because his focus is on chaos.

But...he's also weirdly upset when things DO happen to his gothy wifu.

I know I've focused a lot on Carnage's comics here, where he's the big bad but unfortunately, when Shriek appears in comics outside of their relationship, it's usually as a henchwoman or as a stock bad guy for a hero to take down. She and other characters will make reference to the fact that she's Kasady's main squeeze but it's there's rarely any indepth character building there.

The other thing I haven't mentioned is that I fell off the Carnage train for a very long time. I'm not exactly up to date with all the comics because the last time I checked, Carnage cut Shriek's fucking head off. I don't have any context for that, other than Knull stuff. But it was so...weirdly ooc for the sake of a big dramatic set piece that I was like "nope! I'm out, seeya when the movie drops". I may end up reading it at some point because I'm starving for content. I won't be happy, but--

...In conclusion (Was I trying to make a point? Or did I just want to gush on and on...) Shriek is an underrated character, Carnage loves (as much as he can as this is him we're talking about) his gothy wifu and I'm excited about Venom 2.

Thank you.

#venom 2 #carnage x shriek #venom 2 let there be carnage #carnage #shriek #carnage marvel #shut up frank #shriek marvel

[fallencomrade]

                                                 ━━  𝟑s

                                                     please repost, don’t reblog.

𝟑 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐓𝐇𝐒

   ▘  LOYALTY   ➺   a  shining  trait  of  james  barnes  that  ( somehow )  survived  the  passing  of  time  and  tribulation.  since  his  early  brooklyn  days,  bucky  barnes  displayed  a  steadfast  loyalty  and  dedication  towards  those  he  loved  and  cherished.  growing  up  during  a  time  when  there  was  a  heavy  emphasis  on  duty  and  responsibility,  james  understood  his  role  as  the  eldest  and  only  male  child  of  george  and  winifred  barnes  -  and  assumed  that  role  with  ease  and  enthusiasm.  this  loyalty  extended  beyond  blood  though,  as  was  proven  by  james’  devotion  to  close  friends,  the  most  notorious  being  his  everlasting  friendship  with  steven  rogers.  hydra  had  tried  to  weaponize  this  gleaming  trait,  hoping  to  mold  it  to  their  liking  and  use  it  to  instill  a  unquestionable  loyalty  to  their  cause.  they  were  pathetically  unsuccessful  -  and  the  chair  and  cryochamber  were  fashioned  as  a  result.  after  his  time  spent  with  hydra,  TRUST  is  something  barnes  deeply  struggles  with.  his  trusted  inner  circle  has  certainly  grown  smaller  and  much  more  exclusive,  but  james  still  harbors  this  same  dedication  to  those  selected  few.  given  his  past  and  his  current  afflictions,  those  bonds  he  does  manage  to  forge  prove  all  the  more  stronger  and  resilient.

  ▘  TENACITY   ➺   the  serum  only  enhanced  that  which  already  existed  within  him.  childhood  was  spent  surviving  the  rough  and  tumble  of  brooklyn  city  streets,  made  all  the  more  grueling  with  steve  rogers  as  a  best  friend.  as  such,  barnes  learned  at  a  very  young  age  how  to  assess  a  situation,  adapt  to  his  surroundings  and  ( most  importantly )  how  to  survive.  dance  hall  skirmishes  and  back  alley  brawls  were  nothing  though  compared  to  the  brutalities  of  war.  still,  it  was  this  grit  that  helped  the  young  man  not  only  survive  but  excel  as  a  sergeant.  the  army  soon  discovered  that  this  notorious  flirt  from  brooklyn  exhibited  a  certain  aptitude  for  sharpshooting.  this  impressive  talent  along  with  james’  natural  charisma  helped  to  build  him  a  trusted  reputation  within  the  ranks  and  respect  among  his  comrades.  these  talents  were  also  what  made  the  man  such  a  formidable  soldier.  the  bastard - serum  amplified  these  strengths  and  hydra  WEAPONIZED  them.  years  blurred  into  decades  and  his  skills  were  hellishly  refined  thanks  to  rigorous  and  ruthless  training.  the  winter  soldier  program  reconstructed  the  man  into  a  living,  breathing  weapon  capable  of  handling  any  firearm,  blade,  explosive,  advanced  weaponry,  artillery  or  blunt  object.  &&  if  he  truly  found  himself  limited  and  weaponless,  the  cybernetic  arm  soldered  to  his  body  proved  a  more  than  capable  alternative.  in  combat,  the  soldier  proved  a  devastating  force  and  hydra  was  quick  to  take  the  credit  and  reap  the  benefits,  but  this  staggering  ability  to  adapt  without  pause  and  utilize  his  surroundings  for  his  advantage  stemmed  not  in  the  dirty  lab  of  one  arnim  zola  but  began  on  the  street  corners  of  the  city  james  barnes’  called  home.    

 ▘  VIRTUE  /  ETHICS   ➺   growing  up  during  the  depression  was  not  easy  for  anyone  and  neither  was  spending  the  beginning  of  young  adulthood  surviving  the  second  world  war.  his  childhood  was  marked  by  some  of  the  worst  and  most  difficult  times  in  history  -  and  yet  james  never  allowed  hardship  or  misfortune  deter  his  regard  for  hard  work,  nor  did  he  allow  it  to  pollute  his  idealistic  outlook  on  life.  both  his  parents  worked  hard  to  support  the  family  and  that  same  work - ethic  was  imparted  onto  james,  who  assumed  the  role  eagerly  and  naturally.  luckily,  during  this  time  of  strife,  his  family  always  had  enough  to  provide  both  him  and  his  two  sisters  a  comfortable  lifestyle,  with  various  opportunities  to  explore  and  take  advantage  of  -  which  was  more  than  some  families  could  boast  at  that  time.  after  the  death  of  sarah  rogers,  james  made  the  decision  to  move  into  an  apartment  with  his  best  friend.  as  young  bacherlors,  they  did  not  have  much  but  together  they  managed  to  scrape  by  and  make  an  honest  living.  despite  steve’s  skepticism,  james’  choices  were  never  made  out  of  pity  or  some  disgruntled  sense  of  obligation.  he  worked  tirelessly  and  did  what  he  had  to  because  that  was  what  he  grew  up  believing.  a  man  takes  care  of  the  people  he  loves,  no  matter  what.  whatever  the  cost  -  working  two  jobs,  skipping  a  meal  here  and  there,  some  months  spent  without  heat,  selling  unnecessary  belongings  -  bucky  would  do  whatever  was  necessary  -  and  did  so  without  complaint.  in  fact,  he  woke  up  each  morning  with  a  smile  on  his  face  and  a  quip  on  his  tongue.  for  him,  there  was  no  better  reward  or  greater  comfort  than  knowing  the  ones  he  loved  were  taken  care  of.  he  believes  himself  unrecognizable  when  compared  to  that  willful  man  now,  but  certain  traits  of  the  old  james  barnes  can  still  be  found  within  him.  there  is  a  payout  for  hard  work  and  the  man  that  he  is  today  is  slowly  remembering  those  feelings  of  satisfaction  and  fulfillment  in  honest  labor.  

𝟑 𝐖𝐄𝐀𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐒

▘  RUTHLESSNESS  ➺   𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑠𝑒𝑟𝑢𝑚 𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑠 𝑡𝘩𝑎𝑡 𝑤𝘩𝑖𝑐𝘩 𝑎𝑙𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑥𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑠.  𝑔𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑏𝑒𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑠 𝑔𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡.  𝑏𝑎𝑑 𝑏𝑒𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑠 ...    before  the  horrible  truth  was  unmasked,  the  history  books  painted  james  barnes  in  a  favorable  glow.  he  was  known  for  being  the  young  jovial,  dashing  side - kick  of  captain  america.  A  PATRIOT  -  dedicated,  noble,  brave,  honorable  ;;  an  honest,  hardworking  man  who  cared  about  family,  duty,  honor  and  sacrifice.  &&  he  was  many  of  these  things.  no  one  could  deny  james  barnes  of  his  genuine  heart  of  gold.  the  man  was  willing  to  do  anything  for  those  he  loved.  anything.  such  love  was  a  truly  powerful  thing,  capable  of  cultivating  great  beauty.  it  could  also  prove  to  be  equally  as  DISASTROUS.  at  its  purest  form,  it  inspired  strength,  selflessness,  kindness.  twisted,  it  became  a  deadly  incentive.  the  BRUTALITY  of  the  winter  soldier  was  not  born  solely  from  the  torture  inflicted  upon  him  or  the  serum  he  was  infected  with.  beneath  his  buoyant,  sprightly  exterior  existed  a  side  of  james  barnes  that  was  seldom  exposed,  unless  provoked.  there  was  a  violence  that  lived  within  the  darker  parts  of  his  heart,  a  ruthless  determination  to  protect  the  things  which  were  important  to  him.  &&  if  anyone  dared  to  threaten  those  things ?  well ...  those  details  are  far  less  known.  if  needed,  james  had  no  qualms  about  getting  his  hands  dirty  or  splitting  open  his  knuckles  to  send  a  very  clear  message.  he  had  an  ability  to  separate  himself  from  his  own  subconscious  and  used  this  talent  to  become  someone  almost  unrecognizable  from  his  more  charming  counterpart.  this  austerity  deepened  into  something  even  more  callous  during  the  war  -  when  the  enemy  became  much  more  larger  and  far  more  deadly.  to  switch  back  and  forth  between  these  personas  became  even  more  fluid  and  then  -  it  became  frighteningly  easy.  it  was  a  duality  that  many  were  forced  to  adopt  in  order  to  survive  the  TRAUMAS  of  war.  it  was  only  a  glimpse  of  what  he  was  truly  capable  of  though.  the  extent  of  his  CRUELTY  reached  its  full  potential  once  he  was  injected  with  zola’s  serum.  bucky  barnes  was  capable  of  great  horror,  even  before  he  became  the  winter  soldier  -  but  with  the  serum,  the  torture  &&  captivity  -  this  capacity  was  exposed  and  steadily  becoming  the  CRUX  of  his  entire  character.  despite  the  size  of  his  heart  of  the  pureness  of  his  intentions,  there  still  exists  a  violence  inside  of  him.  ruthless  and  efficient,  it  has  grown,  survived,  thrived  and  matured  over  the  years,  and  still  sits  within  his  core  today  -  its  potential  just  as  deadly  and  just  as  horrifying.

▘  DISSOCIATION / DETATCHMENT  ➺   an  extension  of  the  adverse  trait  described  above,  james  started  to  display  this  ability  to  separate  himself  from  his  more  repugnant  qualities  early  on.  he  was  never  known  for  being  VIOLENT.  that  brutality  was  extracted  and  molded  once  hydra  got  their  hands  on  him,  it  was  assumed.  the  historians  will  tell  you  the  winter  soldier  was  a  product  of  inhumane  warfare,  experimentation,  abuse  and  indoctrination,  but  james  knows  the  truth ...  in  the  beginning,  james  did  what  he  had  to  to  protect  the  ones  he  loved.  during  his  captivity,  he  did  what  he  had  to  to  survive.  &&  now  -  he  does  what  he  needs  to  to  live  with  himself.  &&  what  was  necessary  in  all  these  occasions  required  the  man  to  separate  himself  from  his  empathy  -  and  later  on,  his  HUMANITY.  he  relied  so  heavily  on  this  mechanism  during  his  time  as  the  soldier  that  the  disconnection  became  more  common  than  not  and  breaking  free  from  that  impulse  is  something  he  continues  to  struggle  with  today  -  and  something  he  is  hesitant  to  even  relinquish.  dissociation  makes  it  easier  to  exist  ;;  to  move  forward  -  as  is  expected  of  him.  one  day  bleeds  into  another,  into  another,  into  another ...  and  he  moves  with  it,  no  longer  a  phantom  existing  outside  of  time.  instead,  an  active  presence.   —  but  his  continued  reliance  on  this  crutch ?    he  exists.    but  is  james  barnes  living ?    IS  HE  REALLY  ALIVE ? 

▘  INDECISION  ( current day )  ➺   a  weakness  that  only  manifested  after  his  captivity,  barnes  deeply  struggles  with  the  burden  of  choice.  freedom.  autonomy.  ambition.  purpose.  all  the  small  ( yet  crucial )  decisions  and  preferences  that  define  a  person’s  character  oftentimes  feels  absent  from  his  makeup.  james  buchanan  barnes  used  to  have  strong  opinions,  about  anything  and  everything.  his  favorite  flavor  of  pie,  best  subject  in  school,  favored  season,  blondes  -  brunettes ?  hell,  he  even  had  a  favorite  color.  if  someone  were  to  ask  this  james  barnes  about  those  same  sentiments,  if  they  lasted  and  endured  the  years  along  with  him  or  if  they  had  changed  with  the  time,  james  would  falter  and  stare  back  with  vacant  eyes.  individuality  feels  like  a  withered  gravesite  inside  of  him,  a  bottomless  pit  of  nothing.  every  so  often  he  may  hear  the  flickering  echoes  of  what  once  was,  but  the  enthusiasm  -  the  passion  -  feels  distant,  far - away.  for  decades,  he  had  been  deprived  of  free will.  he  was  a  WEAPON  and  weapons  did  not  feel  or  think.  weapons  did  not  make  noise  unless  fired  by  the  hands  authorized  to  use  them.  unbounded,  given  a  NAME  once  again,  a  voice  -  and  he  knows  he  should  feel  grateful.  &&  yet,  the  only  thing  he  feels  is  overwhelmed.  his  mind  does  not  hesitant  when  it  comes  to  battle  ;;  TO KILLING.  his  hands  know  exactly  which  gun  to  reach  for  given  a  situation,  how  much  pressure  to  apply  to  snap  a  bone.  he  no  longer  needs  to  run  the  numbers  in  his  head  to  calculate  a  bullets’  trajectory  given  distance  and  wind  speed.  he  fires  without  thought  and  never  misses.  he  is  an  expert  of  wartime  tactics.  violence  is  second  nature  to  him,  right  behind  DEATH.  now,  alive  -  a  free  man ...  they  ask  him  what  he  wants  and  barnes ...  does  not  know  -  and  he  inadvertently  still  finds  himself  looking  to  others  to  supply  those  answers  (  that  instruction. )

𝟑 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐒

▘  SHAMEFUL INCLINATIONS  ➺   to  admit  such  whims  out  loud  would  flood  him  with  repugnant  shame.  he  knows  it  is  wrong  to  reminisce  and  crave  the  inertia  of  subjection,  but  he  cannot  deny  the  nostalgic  longing  that  twists  inside  of  him  on  his  darkest  days.  to  think  such  things  ;;  to  feel  such  things  disgraces  the  efforts  and  sacrifices  that  were  made  in  order  to  free  him  from  those  chains.   —  but  james  barnes  has  always  been  selfish  like  that.  it  is  easy  to  brush  off  accountability  and  blame  hydra  for  everything.  𝗂𝗍  𝗐𝖺𝗌𝗇'𝗍  𝗁𝗂𝗆,  𝗍𝗈𝗇𝗒 !  𝗁𝗒𝖽𝗋𝖺  𝗁𝖺𝖽  𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗍𝗋𝗈𝗅  𝗈𝖿  𝗁𝗂𝗌  𝗆𝗂𝗇𝖽.   ▪    𝚑𝚢𝚍𝚛𝚊 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝚞𝚗𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞.    ▪   🇾​🇴​🇺​  🇦​🇷​🇪​  🇹​🇭​🇪​  🇱​🇴​🇳​🇬​🇪​🇸​🇹​  🇸​🇪​🇷​🇻​🇮​🇳​🇬​  🇵​🇴​🇼​.    ▪    𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚞𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗𝚑𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚌𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗.    ▪   𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖽𝗂𝖽 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗌𝖾 𝗒𝖾𝖺𝗋𝗌,  𝗂𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗌𝗇'𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎.    𝗒𝗈𝗎  𝖽𝗂𝖽𝗇'𝗍  𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾  𝖺  𝖼𝗁𝗈𝗂𝖼𝖾.  NO CHOICE.   they  had  absolute  control  over  his  body,  his  mind. (did they?)  he  could  not  refuse. (couldn’t he?)   the  grim  reality  is  that,  as  years  bled  into  decades,  the  leash  hydra  had  chained  around  his  neck  started  to  loosen  considerably,  until  the  pull  barely  existed  at  all.  rarely  did  his  handlers  need  to  rely  on  the  early  tactics  to  keep  him  in  line.  he  COMPLIED  without  resistance.  both  masters  and  soldier  fell  into  an  agreeable  rhythm,  following  a  trusted  routine.  it  made  activation  less  agonizing,  muffled  the  scratching  of  chaotic  thoughts  into  soothing  white  noise.  it  made  his  orders  simpler  ;;  made  killing  easier  ;;  made  existing  with  himself ...  easier.  it  was  a  gift  ( they told him )  to  be  relieved  of  the  burden  of  choice  and  there  are  times  when  he  still  ( shamefully ) agrees  with  this.  to  feel  nothing  at  all,  after  having  felt  so  much ... ?  it  is  a  very  dangerous  thing.  the  numbing  high  of  indifference,  apathy,  inertia  -  can  feel  like  FREEDOM. 

▘  LIKELIHOOD OF RECOVERY  ➺   the  harrowing  truth ...  he  has  lived  more  of  his  life  as  a  WEAPON  than  he  has  a  person.  after  everything  he  has  gone  through,  james  feels  more  machine  than  he  does  human.  he  feels  the  corrosion  of  rust  spreading  through  him.  his  body  does  not  feel  like  flesh  and  bone,  but  more  akin  to  gears  and  wires  and  metal.  thoughts  are  mere  embedded  programming ...  implanted,  artificial.  his  heart  feels  like  a  gnarled  knot  inside  his  chest.  his  soul  feels  absent.  morality  is  faint,  compassion  -  oftentimes  hard  to  find.  to  choose  requires  great  effort  ;;  to  think  requires  effort  ;;  to  care  requires  effort  -  and  james  is  exhausted.  those  on  his  side  tell  him  he  deserves  a  chance  to  recover,  to  heal  -  but  he  sometimes  thinks  that  the  best  thing  they  could  do  given  the  situation  is  to  take  this  body  that  feels  more  like  a  weapon,  decommission  it,  place  it  in  storage  under  lock  and  key  and  allow  it  to  gather  dust.  can  he  heal ?  can  he  recover ?  can  he  exist  as  anything  other  than  a  weapon ?  after  all  this  time  and  after  everything  he  has  gone  through ?  he  isn’t  sure.  optimism  hasn’t  been  his  forte  since  1942.  he  considers  himself  a  realist.  &&  if  his  chances  follow  his  rotten  history  of  luck,  the  odds  do  not  appear  to  be  on  his  side.

▘  DRAFTED SOLDIER  ➺   he  will  never  admit  it.  ever.  &&  how  befitting  -  this  dark  secret.  how  it  reveals  the  nature  of  his  character ...   all  the  blood  on  his  hands,  all  the  lives  he  has  stolen,  the  atrocities  he  has  committed  -  and  this  is  the  one  thing  he  is  most  ashamed  of.  his  head  is  filled  with  dark  secrets  -  hydra’s,  his  own.  all  of  them  are  shameful,  ugly,  brutal  and  yet  this  one  secret  stands  out  the  most  in  his  mind.  this  is  the  one  that  GUTS  him  the  most,  because  it  was  before ...  everything.  before  the  war,  before  hydra,  before  the  soldier.  this  reveals  james  barnes  at  his  core.  this  is  his  blemish  ;;  his  most  reproachable  trait.  this  destroys  his  character  more  than  hydra  or  the  soldier  ever  did.  it  is  a  truth  he  will  never  admit  to,  to  anyone.  he  will  even  go  as  far  as  denying  it,  lying  to  his  dying  breath.   —  but  how  could  he  admit  such  a  thing ?  after  witnessing  the  bravery  and  determination  he  saw  in  others,  in  his  best  friend  -  to  serve,  to  protect  -  without  the  slightest  pause  or  hesitation.  all  the  while  he  tried  to  hide  from  the  call  of  duty,  hoping.  praying.  james  barnes  never  signed  up  to  serve  the  second  world  war.  it  is  a  secret  he  has  never  admitted  to  anyone.  not  to  his  friends,  his  father  or  sisters.  not  to  the  other  commandoes.  not  even  ( especially  not )  steve.  &&  it  is  a  secret  he  will  take  to  the  grave.   

𝟑 𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒

▘  LOSING AUTONOMY  ➺   while  freedom  has  proven  tumultuous,  he  still  prefers  the  struggle  when  compared  to  the  alternative.  while  under  hydra’s  control,  james  barely  surfaced,  but  the  rare  times  he  did  he  saw  the  world  though  a  murky  sheet  of  ice,  drifting  in  the  inertia  of  the  soldier’s  compliance.  existence  felt  more  like  an  out  of  body  experience  -  a  resultant  of  trauma,  he  was  later  told.  he  witnessed  his  torture,  his  brutal  crimes,  the  creeping  advancement  of  hydra’s  power,  more  as  an  onlooker  than  an  active  participant.  it  made  certain  things ... easier  to  stomach.  the  torture,  the  experiments  ;;  stasis,  the  chair.  it  made  following  orders ...  simpler.  he  hardly  blinked  when  exposed  to  his  own  potential  for  DEVASTATION.  the  violence.  the  breaking,  rebuilding  and  training  of  more  soldiers,  the  little  spiders.  torture.  murder.  during  his  less  lucid  states,  he ( selfishly ) welcomed  the  disconnect,  but  every  so  often  -  his  old  sense  of  morality  would  give  a  kick  and  he  would  stare,  wide - eyed  and  horrified.  he  would  honestly  try  with  every  bit  of  strength  he  had  left  inside  of  him  to  stop  himself,  to  control  himself,  but  even  his  hardest  endeavors  failed  miserably  against  the  soldier’s  rigid  conditioning.  nothing  more  than  the  occasional  hiccup  in  his  code,  a  sudden  half - second  hesitation  -  quickly  roped  back  into  submission  by  screaming  static.  to  exist  in  such  a  way  -  condemned  to  watch  as  your  shadow  destroys  every  bit  of  light  within,  fated  to  feel  the  rot  putrefy  your  soul,  slowly  -  slowly ... it  is  a  terrible  thing.  &&  it  will  continue  to  haunt  james  for  the  rest  of  his  life.  he  may  struggle  to  find  purpose  after  his  liberation,  the  motivation  and  energy  to  pursue  a  meaningful  life,  but  the  last  thing  he  ever  wants  ( what he fears )  is  to  be  used  as  a  PUPPET  again.

▘  LIVING  ➺   he  existed  in  a  definite  state  for  a  very  long  time,  long  enough  for  him  to  find  comfort  in  routine,  monotony  -  THE EXPECTED.  there  was  an  equation  to  surviving  hydra  ( surviving himself )  -  and  hydra  proved  they  would  be  true  to  their  word  if  only  he  obeyed.   COMPLIANCE WILL BE REWARDED.   orders  were  clear  and  exact  and  non - negotiable.  missions  were  organized  and  coordinated,  objectives  defined  well  before  he  was  even  pulled  from  stasis.  he  knew  what  to  expect  -  how  much  pain  he  would  need  to  endure,  what  followed  activation,  what  proceeded  mission  completion  -  and  he  knew  what  he  needed  to  do  in  order  to  make  the  process  bearable.  ( ready to comply )  the  soldier  did  not  like  it  when  things  did  not  go  according  to  plan.  like  hydra,  he  did  not  like  surprises.  lose  ends.  it  required  him  to  make  decisions, to  think ...   orders  were  simple.  all  he  needed  to  do  was  complete  them  as  quickly,  as  cleanly  and  as  efficiently  as  possible,  AS INSTRUCTED.  any  deviation  from  the  expected  leads  quickly  into  CHAOS  and  chaos  can  be  as  dangerous  and  as  deadly  as  an  explosion.  after  the  failure  of  project  insight,  the  soldier  was  forced  to  adapt  to  his  situation  in  order  to  survive.  the  upheaval  of  sudden  liberation  almost  destroyed  him.  he  spent  those  first  few  months  in  a  mad  attempt  to  regain  some  semblance  of  order.  he  hid  out  of  sight,  living  as  a ghost  while  struggling  with  whiplashing  whims:  the  rigid  impulse  to  return  to  his  surviving  handlers  ( for  orders )  or  the  luring  urge  to  continue  to  run  and  observe  this  new  form  of  reality  he  had  abruptly  been  exposed  to.  it  was  a  constant  strife  between  soldier  and  man  ;;  compliance  and  curiosity.  the  longer  he  was  exposed  to  clean  air  though,  the  more  james  barnes  settled  to  the  surface,  the  stronger  his  voice  became.  the  soldier  slowly  started  to  come  to  terms  with  some  truths.  he  did  not  miss  the  chair  -  or  hydra’s  drugs.  he  did  not  miss  the  violence.  it  was  enough  to  justify  his  decision  to  run  -  and  slowly,  the  man  started  to  live.  to  be  alive  ( human )  opened  the  door  to  many  things  he  did  not  mind.  music,  knowledge,  the  warmth  of  a  blanket,  pizza ...  but  there  was  a  price.  james  learned  in  bucharest  that  he  could  not  continue  to  live  as  a  ghost.  he  could  not  continue  to  reap  the  benefits  of  living  without  also  bearing  its  obligations.  the  more  he  is  dragged  back  into  the  land  of  the  living,  the  more  responsibility  is  placed  on  his  shoulders.  he  is  forced  now  to  make  decisions  that  not  only  impact  his  life  but  others  as  well.  it  also  brings  into  focus  his  past,  forcing  him  to  start  coming  to  terms  with  his  crimes  -  and  his  guilt.  to  live  a  life  involves  many  things  james  is  not  yet  comfortable  with.  he  is  forced  to  move  forward,  to  make  choices,  to  collaborate  and  trust  others,  to  heal ...  all  new  waters  the  man  is  deathly  afraid  to  wade  into,  because  it  leads  to  uncertainty,  leads  to  the  unexpected.  cause  and  effect.  there  is  no  equation  to  guarantee  success  ;;  no  trusted,  proven  procedure  to  follow.  to  live  a  full  life  means  making  decisions  and  then  being  brave  enough  to  live  with  those  decisions.  barnes  still  deeply  struggles  with  the  fear  of  the  UNKNOWN,  and  when  overwhelmed  by  crippling  indecision,  finds  himself  clinging  to  old  comforts.  that  same  sickening  desire  to  exist  once  more  beyond  the  bounds  of  time,  a  chimera  relieved  of  the  burden  of  choice  all  together.    

▘  HIMSELF  ➺   his  potential.   his  mind,  body  -  everything  contained  within  this  cage  of  blood  and  bone  terrifies  him.  for  him  ( &&  those  made  like  him )  freedom  is  nothing  more  than  a  far - fetched  pipedream.  zemo  shattered  all  illusions  of  freedom,  and  all  it  took  was  the  whisper  of  ten  choice  words.  regardless  of  the  small  progress  he  made  in  the  years  following  his  defection,  all  of  it  was  reduced  to  rubble  the  moment  he  was  dragged  back  into  the  plane  of  the  living.  he  was  careless,  ignorant,  sloppy  -  allowing  himself  to  be  curious,  hopeful  -  and  six  agents  paid  the  price  for  it  in  germany  when  the  soldier  was  reactivated.  the  great  fist  of  hydra  is  indeed  a  terrifying  sight  to  behold,  but  james  understands  the  soldier  is  simply  a  byproduct  of  himself  -  and  that  is  what  truly  horrifies  him.  even  before  the  serum  was  introduced  into  his  body,  his  potential  was ...  concerning.  the  things  he  was  willing  to  do  back  home  ;;  the  things  he  was  willing  to  do  during  the  war ...  the  disconcerting  ways  he  was  able  to  manipulate  his  own  morality.  his  malleable  ethical  code.  the  serum  only  heightened  that  which  already  existed  inside  of  him,  but  it  did  pave  a  space  for  corruption  to  thrive.  it  made  him  even  more  dangerous,  even  more  LETHAL.  his  potential  for  destruction  was  exemplified.  his  ability  to  survive,  his  tolerance  for  pain  -  expanded.  the  serum  allowed  hydra  the  opportunity  to  find  that  seed  of  ugliness  which  existed  inside  of  him  and  feed  it,  cultivate  it.  they  helped  it  grow  and  thrive,  and  then  sowed  the  deadly  fruits.  the  things  he  found  himself  capable  of  -  the  violence,  the  brutality.  the  things  he  learned  to  stomach  ;;  the  horrors  he  found  himself  able  to  commit ...  revolutionists.  bright  minds.  visionaries.  humanitarians.  entire  families.  innocent  bystanders.  good  people.  children.  he  killed  without  blinking  ;;  without  flinching  -  and  then  returned  to  the  people  who  issued  those  orders  and  waited  for  more.  there  were  a  handful  of  times  when  he  hesitated,  questioned  -  but  for  the  most  part,  he  completed  his  orders  without  question  and  did  so  without  feeling  a  flutter  of  disturbance.   i had no choice.  hydra had control of his mind.  you couldn’t refuse them.  it wasn’t your fault.   he  can  hide  behind  those  excuses  all  he  wants,  but  barnes  knows  what  lives  inside  of  him.  he  knows  what  hydra  put  inside  him  and  what  was  already  there.  the  winter  soldier  might  be  an  exaggeration  of  the  worst  parts  of  a  person  -  as  captain  america  exemplified  the  best  -  but  the  soldier  is  only  a  reflection  of  the  darkness  that  already  lived  within  him.     &&  THAT IS TERRIFYING. 

𝟑 𝐆𝐎𝐀𝐋𝐒

▘  PURPOSE  ➺   ever  since  his  reemergence  back  into  the  land  of  the  living,  james  has  struggled  to  understanding  what  to  do  with  newfound  existence.  a  name,  a  face,  a  place  in  this  world,  an  identity  and  yet  -  on  most  days  he  still  feels  like  a  weapon.  recovery  feels  similar  to  deactivation,  and  the  soldier  finds  himself  waiting,  constantly  preparing  for  the  day  when  they  will  take  him  out  of  storage,  brush  off  the  rust  and  use  him  once  more.  the  expectation  looms  over  him  like  a  dark  cloud  and  hinders  his  progress.   —  but  what  else  does  he  have  to  offer ?  what  else  can  he  do ?  if  not  for  some  useful  purpose,  why  does  he  exist ?  if  the  only  thing  he  knows  how  to  do  is  fight,  kill,  DESTROY  -  what  other  direction  is  there ?  he  is  good  at  what  he  does.  he  is  good  at  what  hydra  bred  him  to  be ...  but  he  does  not  want  to  exist  for  that  purpose.  he  is  tired  of  war,  of  violence  -  but  without  the  constant  stimulation  of  battle,  time  is  a  slow  and  dragging  endeavor.  he  does  want  to  prove  ( to  the  world,  hydra,  steve,  to  himself )  that  he  is  more  than  just  a  weapon  made  for  war,  but  he  finds  himself  more  often  than  not  questioning  the  validity  to  that  statement,  especially  when  it  is  the  only  thing  that  feels  natural  to  him.  the  serum  defines  him.  his  skillset  defines  him.  his  past  defines  him  -  and  if  he  has  proven  one  thing,  it  is  that  he  is  a  good  fighter.  A GOOD KILLER.  he  excels  when  it  comes  to  battle.  he  is  hard  to  stop  ;;  hard  to  kill  -  and  these  types  of  strengths  point  to  one  obvious  path.  one  does  not  use  a  blade  to  paint  a  magnificent  masterpiece.  he  was  weaponized  long  ago  and  to  try  to  be  anything  but  what  he  has  been  for  so  long  seems ...  counterproductive.   still,  he  does  not  want  to  keep  fighting  -  and  his  doctors  tell  him  that  is  important  ( essential ).  if  he  isn’t  serving  though,  what  should  he  do ?  time  is  so  painstakingly  slow  and  without  stasis,  he  does  not  know  how  to  fill  in  the  stagnant  space  in  between.  he  might  lose  whatever  shreds  of  sanity  he  has  left  -  and  there  isn’t  much  left  to  spare.  he  needs  guidance,  instruction.  he  needs  someone  to  tell  him  what  to  do ...  they  tell  him  it  is  up  to  him  to  decide,  but  he  doesn’t  know.  he  does  not  want  to  go  back  to  hydra  ;;  he  does  not  want  to  be  controlled  or  manipulated.   —  but  when  time  starts  to  pull  and  drag  and  his  mind  is  left  free  to  wander ...  there  are  times  when  he  feels  desperate  enough  to  long  for  orders.  he  hopes  to  find  some  kind  of  meaning  once  again  to  his  existence  and  hopes  this  time  around,  it  is  fashioned  for  something  good.  

▘  A SENSE OF IDENTITY  ➺   he  is  not  sure  he  will  ever  truly  feel  natural  within  his  own  skin  or  inside  his  own  mind.  the  face  he  wears  now  feels  more  like  a  mask,  stretched  to  the  seams  to  hide  the  husk  beneath.  for  so  long  he  existed  as  a  puppet,  body  moving  on  command.  his  actions  never  felt  like  his  own  and  neither  did  his  thoughts.  for  far  too  long,  he  was  a  stranger  inside  his  own  mind  and  body.  the  strings  have  been  cut,  a  name  placed  back  on  his  tongue  -  but  he  still  feels ...  empty.   who  is  he ?   what  does  he  like  to  do ?  what  are  his  hobbies ?  his  interests ?  what  does  he  dislike ?  what  makes  him  happy ?  what  makes  him  sad ?  they  ask  him  these  questions  and  all  he  can  hear  are  the  voices  of  old  hydra  handlers  inside  his  head.  A  WEAPON  NEED  NOT  BOTHER  ITSELF  WITH  SUCH  MEANINGLESS  FRIVOLITIES.    —   it  is  not  a  part  of  your  code.   he  often  needs  to  be  reminded  ( reassured )  -  he  is  not  a  weapon.  he  is  not  a  machine.  beneath  skin  and  bone,  he  has  a  heart.  he  has  a  mind  and  both  these  things  belong  to  him.  he  is  allowed  to  want,  to  feel,  to  explore,  to  refuse,  to  challenge ...  freely.  it  is  a  hard  concept  for  him  to  remember  and  to  accept,  but  he  has  made  some  strides.  he  has  discovered  ( rediscovered ? )  some  things  he  likes:  the  feel  of  sunlight  against  his  face,  the  smell  of  coffee,  the  soft  scratch  of  a  record  player  and  the  fuzzy  music  which  follows,  a  trusted  knife,  pizza,  warm  blankets ...  he  has  also  recognized  some  things  he  does  not  like.  the  building  crackle  of  electricity,  paralysis,  the  stench  of  death,  silence  so  loud  it  hurts,  eyes  watching  him,  the  sudden,  sharp  hiss  of  ice  melting,  prolonged  pain ...   meager  progress  maybe,  but  it  is  a  start  -  and  james  hopes  to  some  day  feel  the  same  comfort  within  his  own  body  and  mind  that  his  past - self  seemed  to  epitomize  so  effortlessly.  TO  BE  HIS  OWN  PERSON  -  defined  by  passions,  opinions  ;;  propelled  by  confident  choices  made  with  conviction ...  the  idea  seems  so  unattainable  given  how  DAMAGED  he  is,  but  it  is  still  something  he  would  like  to  attain.  if  only  to  prove  to  hydra  ( &&  to  himself )  that  he  is  in  fact  his  own  person  and  that  he  does  not  belong  to  anyone  -  but  himself. 

▘  TO PROMOTE POSITIVE CHANGE  ➺   after  all  the  destruction  he  has  blasted  into  the  course  of  history,  the  idea  seems  almost ...  laughable.  dismissible  certainly,  for  what  other  purpose  could  hands  sharpened  into  blades  be  used  for ?  &&  perhaps  even  insulting,  to  those  whose  lives  he  ruined.  like  his  other  emotions,  after  his  desertion  his  guilt  was  initially  muted,  but  the  longer  he  remains in  this  plane  of  existence  -  the  more  time  allowed  to  heal  -  the  more  james  comes  face  to  face  with  those  directly  impacted  by  his  crimes,  and  each  time  the  discomfort  inside  him  grows  stronger.  the  memories  are  returning  and  most  of  them  are  HORRIFIC.  the  lives  he  cut  short,  the  families  he  ripped  apart.  the  orphans  he  abandoned,  the  parents  he  made  bury  their  children ...  the  peace  he  broke  in  order  to  secure  continued  chaos.  hydra  was  a  parasite,  feasting  on  the  corpses  of  war  and  conflict  -  gorging  and  growing  -  and  he  was  one  of  the  reasons  how  they  survived  and  thrived  throughout  history.  the  fist  of  hydra,  zimniy  soldat,  the  soldier,  hydra’s  bloodhound.  he  was  unseen  from  the  eyes  of  the  world,  faceless  -  but  his  actions  resonated  ;;  his  reputation  notorious,  even  if  only  as  a  ghost  story.  many  of  his  crimes  have  been  made  public  thanks  to  the  widow’s  data  dump,  but  there  are  many  ( too  many )  that  are  still  undisclosed  -  known  only  to  him,  his  victims  and  the  hydra  higher - ups  who  issued  the  orders.  he  knows  it  sounds  silly,  far - fetched,  childish  -  but  it  would  be  nice  to  have  some  kind  of  impact  on  this  world  that  isn’t  so  violent  or  destructive.  he  knows  he  cannot  make  amends  for  all  the  bad  he  has  done.  there  is  too  much  blood  ( far  too  much  blood )  but  if  he  could  do  something ...  to  prove  he  can  be  something  more  than  that  which  hydra  made  of  him,  he  would  like  to  try.  there  is  no  fixing  the  damage  the  winter  soldier  has  caused.  there  is  no  way  to  restore  james  barnes’  promising  reputation,  but  to  leave  this  world  knowing  he  could  do  something  good  -  after  doing  so  much  bad  -  would  feel ...  freeing.

tagged by :  stolen ! tagging :  @cxpt​,  @justicetempered​, @gcroinya​, @fatedfuturist​, @agntross​, @mxndwitch, @toscrve​​​

#⸢ ✪ ⸥ CHARACTER STUDY. | ‘ 𝑗𝑎𝑚𝑒𝑠 𝑏𝑢𝑐𝘩𝑎𝑛𝑎𝑛 𝑏𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑒𝑠. #long post for ts #⸢ ✪ ⸥ OOC. | ‘ i spent waaay too much time on this. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[mallowstep]

The timeline gets switched around and "The Three" from Misty au (Moth/Hawk/Frog) are the prophesied Three. What would their powers be and how would they / their family react?

ksh to be clear the three in the misty au are not the three from po3. i'm still deciding if hjl are mothpool's, or if they're part of the five f family panclan polycule (altho technically at the time it's the four f family panclan polycule), but.

hawk would have lion's power straight up. he's terrified of being like his father/scaring feathertail, so being unbeatable in a fight would terrify him. at the same time, one of his major flaws being arrogant, so it's character fitting.

frog...i'm not sure. hm. you may know that i like giving cats powers that don't have to be magical, like, that cats could think were just being really good at things. anyway, frog's deeply empathetic, and also very volatile. so i think enhanced empathy for him, similar to jaystorm in ashes.

moth's power should be the most subtle, because of her atheism. (i haven't decided how it works in the misty au, but moth's atheism Always informs my decisions about her, even if she's not an atheist.) i think...i want her to be unnaturally good at finding things. like, she finds the moonpool, she finds (magic plot device herb), etc.

tigerstar would 100% try to convince them that these powers are because of him/connected to him. because of the nature of moth's power, he wouldn't be able to hook into her as well, and frog would pick up on tigerstar's motives fairly early on, but hawk would kind of be seduced by this idea of being able to control his strength, sort of like using tigerstar against tigerstar.

yes, it's terrible logic, teens aren't very logical.

moth and frog do eventually get hawk out, but they have to work for it.

if the reveal is before the events of tnp...

feathertail is proud of them. that's p much it. same for stormheart and stonefur. mistyfoot's even more detatched, because it's like, great! the kits i didn't want to have are blessed by starclan. how fantastic. i'm sure the cats who are probably already judging me for giving up my kits are judging me even more.

(they aren't. judging her, that is. it's just that tiger spent a Lot of time mocking her abilities as a mother.)

they probably wouldn't tell leopardstar. maybe mudfur. he'd probably find out anyway. so uhh...there's no po3 drama to be had, so ig that's it for this.

if it's after the events of tnp...

feathertail gets very fuck you, starclan, because of the quest. so now she's kind of like. cool. cool cool cool. you couldn't save me as a kit, you sent me on a quest that should have killed me, and now you force this onto my kits.

by the end of tnp, mistyfoot has been able to somewhat connect to the three, so she doesn't really take it negatively.

stormheart and stonefur are still supportive and still have no idea what they should do.

uh, yeah! that's basically it.

here's some more tiger and the three dialogue.

They find Tigerstar before they find Feathertail.

"Where is she?" Frogpaw asks.

"Is it so impossible I want to talk to my children alone?"

Hawkfrost sits. "Why do you even want to talk to us?"

Tigerstar sighs, his eyes half-closed. "I died before you were born," he says. "I never got to know you."

"Why now?" Frogpaw asks, half-hissing.

"I thought...I thought RiverClan would tell you stories about me. And I guess I wanted to give you a chance to come to your own conclusions. But you can't do that unless you hear my side of the story."

"Feathertail is scared of you," Mothwing says. Her shoulder still aches.

"I suspect Feathertail is afraid of a lot of things," he says.

She hates that it's true.

#again the powers thing is not canon to the misty au #but since there's an excerpt #misty au #ask #anon #au talk