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kalira · 9 months

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Deepest Self

Chapter Two: Wild

M; 1.9k (this chapter; whole story now 3.8k) Kei/Sho

Story summary:

Though he adores Sho with every fibre of his being, Kei can’t help but worry - especially now they have shared so much more, when Kei knows what it’s like to have Sho - what will happen if the deepest, most monstrous part of himself, sometimes both awakened and left wanting by feeding, returns home in his skin.

Chapter two brings us Sho's POV, and it's time for the feral trope that is this fic's raison d'etre to make an appearance!

#Moon Child #Kei x Sho #Kei #Sho #feral #Feral - Wild #Kalira writes #Kalira writes; Moon Child #Kalira writes; Kei x Sho #Deepest Self

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hsmagazine254 · 4 months

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What Would You Like Your 2024 To Look Like? (Part 4) - Positive Reflection Of The Week

Navigating The Journey – Embracing The Unseen Forces Understand that the path to manifesting 2024 is not always linear, and the forces at work extend beyond the visible spectrum. It necessitates active participation as well as a nurturing mindset. Energy healing, chakra alignment, quantum manifesting, and soul setting all encourage you to accept the unseen forces that shape your…

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cattnipt · 3 months

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Fucked up looking dog you got there

#hello I was supposed to read svsss with a friend as a lighthearted peek into danmei #and now my entire life is ruined by these guys #I haven't finished the whole thing and I'm only on vol 3 #so if I got these two wrong my deepest apologies #I don't know what I'm doing #I'm having a lot of fun though :)#this scene was cool even though literally none of how I drew it happened #svsss #scum villain's self saving system #bingqiu #shen qingqiu #luo binghe #catt art

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chimkin-samich · 6 months

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"their worst nightmare"

Under the cut:

⚠️trigger warning⚠️

eye strain and robot gore

" 01010011 01101111 01110010 01110010 01111001 "

Or alternatively

"regret"

And

" 01001000 01100101 01100001 01110010 01110100 01100010 01110010 01100101 01100001 01101011 "

Or alternatively:

"ill"

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mewtwo24 · 3 months

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I can't stop thinking about the revelation of Luo Binghe's heavenly demonic heritage and how striking the differences are in SVSSS vs PIDW.

In terms of the original, how Shen Jiu's violence was unexpected but numbing after a point. How Luo Bingge's awakening would be a means to freedom; that while he might be reviled by human immortals, at least he no longer had any reason to give a damn what they thought. Demonic cultivation would exact the wrongs that had been acted on him tenfold in cold blood, to repay youthful admiration and blind trust with all the cruelty unleashed on him indiscriminately. How easy it was for Luo Bingge to choose power and performance because he had little if nothing else of substance to turn to.

For Luo Bingge, otherness is an easy second skin because he's never once belonged in the first place. Sneering is natural when the entire world has done nothing but badmouth, ridicule, hit, and condemn you for things that were never within your control. “What does it matter that you're a monster now?” Luo Bingge seems to think, “You were and will be a monster always.” Every facade, every ill-intended act of deception and violence is merely injustice reaping its due.

Luo Binghe (Bingmei) has no such liberties.

For Luo Binghe, the trappings of comfort and belonging end up yielding an entirely new problem, a reversal of Luo Bingge’s non-conundrum. His fear is that Shen Qingqiu’s love might be conditional rather than a despair that it is non-existent, because in many respects it is for the surrounding immortals; they go from calling Binghe a promising and shining youth to a demonic scourge born to invite ruin in the span of a handful of years. Shen Qingqiu, caught between what he wants to do versus what he believes he must do and his own fears, sours Luo Binghe’s trust to quivering doubt. What Bingge desperately craved was precisely what put Binghe through such unrelenting turmoil. Where difference and change is freedom for Luo Bingge, it is a chilling and unwelcome prospect for Luo Binghe.

For Luo Binghe, the thought that he could be something monstrous to the person he loves is a form of self-annihilation; so much of his desperation to appear non-threatening to Shen Qingqiu is rooted in this self-same anxiety. In the wake of Meng Mo’s intervention, Luo Binghe cannot even bring himself to ask “What does it matter that you’re a monster now?” He can only cling to the desperate belief that if he can just conceal what he is for long enough, the future he always dreamed of might still be within his reach: an eternal life of peace by Shen Qingqiu’s side.

For Luo Binghe, the rejection of his humanity means rejecting the people who nurtured him wholeheartedly (the washerwoman, transmigrated Shen Qingqiu) with love and kindness. Even despite the confusion behind Shen Qingqiu’s change, even despite how enigmatic and reticent he can often still be, Binghe recognizes powerful instances of tenderness and care in his actions. Someone who stubbornly healed his wounds, who was unable to watch him be brutally bullied without due recourse, someone who trusted in him and his potential with his whole heart.

For Luo Binghe, power and demonic strength mean absolutely nothing because he has love. He doesn’t want them, and even when he does have them they are used in service of protecting Shen Qingqiu. Xin Mo isn’t able to take over because Luo Binghe isn’t strong enough to resist its temptations to subjugate the world, it happens because he exhausts so much energy trying to preserve Shen Qingqiu’s life that his resistance fractures. And even when Xin Mo succeeds in warping Binghe’s mind, the end result is still in service to a desire to be close to Shen Qingqiu’s heart. In the end, he continues to seek love.

Where the inexorable tides of change become opportunity (arguably even a boon) for Luo Bingge, for Luo Binghe this change is the focal point of his calamitous loss. How Luo Bingge's ascension is a ruthless and seamless transformation--all of his experiences hardening him into something harsh and brutal and unyielding to survive. How Luo Binghe's is instead a fall from grace; the corruption of innocence and stolen youth--of dreams razed to ash and safety obliterated.

And after all, doesn't it hurt so much more to have known peace and thrash that it will forever be out of your grasp? ...Than to live in such tumultuous waters that gentleness is an alien, loathsome, and unfathomable thing. For the former, a feeling of safety may never be restored--always looking back before looking forward. For the latter, there is nothing but the grim and solitary march on, eyes shuttered to all else.

I feel like that's why I love the ending of the third novel, as disturbing as it may appear to a lot of readers. Shen Qinqiu expresses his disbelief and hurt that Luo Binghe would lie to him and choose so much destruction, but for Luo Binghe it all has a singular source. Without love, he has nothing. He cannot choose a life devoid of the person he loves.

(I once read a fic where Luo Binghe says ‘I never wanted to be a demon’ to Shen Qingqiu and I think it metaphysically changed me as a person. Every single day I think about it and try not to bawl my eyes out. Anyways.)

#svsss #scum villain's self saving system #luo binghe #shen qingqiu #bingqiu #luo bingge #there's a much longer analysis post i'm plotting regarding bingqiu and sqq specifically but god #this shit? this guts me every single time i read fanfic or reread the original text #pretty much this and tianxi is a direct hit to the gut for me #i will never be over how relentless mxtx is about the importance of kindness/compassion #how even a single person's acknowledgement of our deepest vulnerability is enough to change us irrevocably #how that is a foundational aspect of what it means to be a person in the world. the most animating force #mxtx is such a real one i'm sorry i just adore her work

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llamagoddessofficial · 9 months

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A completely sad/sappy (sadpy?) self indulgent piece I wrote last night while feeling several Feelings. consider this an author insert & death sans thing

---

“... tell me about you.”

She blinked, sitting up, no longer leaning against his soft black cloak, waking out of the stillness the tree's shade and the gentle rain had cast over both of them. His words had come completely out of nowhere.

“Pardon?”

Reaper looked down at her, his expression unreadable. “i can’t say i’ve met many other mortals who seek out the company of death.”

She gave him a look. “Don't be ridiculous. I know plenty who would seek your company.”

“they would seek my touch.” His gaze was low. Those eyelights saw more than normal eyes ever could. “they would seek... earthly desires. nothing wrong with that, i also seek those. but i’ve never had someone seek me out merely for my company.”

“I’m not that interesting.” She mused, softly, notably leaning back against the tree, and not him. “Besides. You’re great company.”

“tell me regardless.” He pressed. “consider it my just payment. for my great company.”

... She hummed. Despite her easygoing exterior, he could sense her resistance, her immediate discomfort. He had sensed it, from the beginning; her unwillingness to share about herself. Her quick deflections, her paradoxical fear of letting others know her, despite her clear desperation to be known.

He was patient. He would wait as long as it took for her to collect her words.

...

“... You’re the only one who gets it.” She said, eventually. Her voice lacked its usual quickness, its usual exact choice of word, the wittiness he liked so much.

That gave Sans pause. “... go on.”

“I don’t... love anyone. I don’t feel romance. I can’t help it.” She stared into the middle distance. “I’ve never been in love with anybody. Even when I really wanted to be.”

He watched her, quietly.

“... I let my guard down, y’know. Every now and then. I let myself get close to people. Then... sometimes they start to feel things that I can’t reciprocate. They want me to love, but I can’t. They see it as a fault with me, or worse themselves, and what we had in the first place falls apart.” She looked down at her hands. “I gave up getting close, because I’m tired of hurting people I care about with the way I am.”

“... hm.”

“... You’re the only one who... gets it, I think.” She couldn’t look at him. “Feeling like you’re separated from everyone else, through no fault of your own. But at the end of the day, that separation is the reality you’re in, and you have to live with it.”

“feeling as if everyone is part of something that you can’t even begin to be part of. and even if you suddenly joined one day, everyone else is so far ahead of you, you could never hope to catch up in time.”

She nodded. She did eventually look at him, a small smile forming on her face. “Yes.”

“you enjoy my company most, because you know i won’t grow to expect anything from you?”

“You’re mature. You’re... well. Death. I’m a human. I can trust you not to love me. And theoretically, even if you did, I think you’d have very different expectations about it. Expectations we could manage.”

“... is that why... your relationship with error is so fraught?”

She let out a short laugh. “Error and I are ‘on break’. Would you believe me if I told you I used to like him the most, because I thought he hated my guts too much to catch feelings?”

Sans grinned. “error is full of surprises. yet i think the fact that you grew to somehow like him surprises me the most.”

“He’s a giant manbaby. But he’s funny. And I liked having someone I could shamelessly argue with.” She tucked her knees up to her chin. “We’re not on speaking terms at the moment. He got upset I spend so much time with you, then tried to kiss me.”

“... ah. that’s why he’s been watching romantic aus.”

“... I write about worlds full of love. Worlds where, regardless of looks or faults, romantic love always prevails and conquers all. Worlds where a self-insert can feel all those feelings I hear about on the radio.” Her breathing was very controlled, very quiet. “But it’s wish fulfilment, isn’t it? Giving a version of me the things I’ll never have. Giving everyone else the stories I’ll never be part of. Even if one of my most perfect characters stepped right out of my pages, I’d never have that 'happy ending'. I couldn’t give them what they wanted from me. I couldn’t give them what I want to give.”

A pause. She didn’t seem to like how obviously upset she had become. She emotionally retreated, quickly fixing on a smile, lowering her legs back into their previous crossed position.

“... I sound full of myself, I know." She chuckled artificially. "Oh, woe is me, I can’t get close to anyone because everyone just falls in love with me all the time.”

“no, not at all.” Sans reached out, and laid his hand over hers. “it’s happened more than once. you can’t blame yourself for recognising a pattern.”

... She squeezed his hand.

“i can’t promise i won’t love you. that’s a dangerous promise to make.” He murmured. “but i can promise i won’t ever expect romance from you, nor let romantic feelings define our relationship. closeness and love does not require romance. i’ve had thousands of years to come to grips with much more upsetting subjects than a woman potentially not returning affection i develop.”

...

She shuffled up to him, and tucked herself back against his cloak, her cheek pressed to the soft fabric. He reciprocated, wrapping an arm around her.

“Thank you.” She said, quietly.

"of course."

... They stayed like that, for a long time.

#self insert???? nono this is a Blelf Blinsert #jk this is 100% me #im taking self insert to a new level and literally just writing me #cringe culture dead lmao #anyway hope you enjoyed llama's deepest fears about being aromantic/demiromantic mixed with a lil shipping

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reddoesntlikeart · 10 months

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There’s trouble goin on down in the demon realm

also I am so proud of the shl that I drew

#shang qinghua #svsss #svsss fanart #scum villian self saving system #mxtx #mxtx svsss #svsss sqh #sha hualing #mobei jun #lbh fanart #luo binghe #svsss luo binghe #i live in Arizona and currently my air conditioning is broken #I feel like I am in the deepest circle of hell what did I do to deserve this #also I started this months ago and just now finished it #and I didn’t even plan on adding sha hauling in here #one of these days I’ll make an original fan comic with them and it won’t be an incorrect quote

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jade-len · 4 months

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aka: what would be a red flag!

(also, when i say heavily kin, i mean heavily. to the point where it's not just relating to the character, but having at least a little more than some of the same personality traits and behavior)

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freensrcha · 1 year

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Are you seeing what I'm seeing ? It's like... they're forced to show their deepest instinctive emotions.

MIDNIGHT MUSEUM | EPISODE 7

#midnight museum #midnight museum the series #tor thanapob #thai drama #userkit #tagnads #usernuria #uservid #khatha's deepest self being a pathetic human ball on the floor can be something so personal to me #111gif

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caughtonwebcam · 13 days

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platonic radiorose dynamic where alastor seeks comfort in rosie because she reminds him of his mom, which brings out alastor’s humanity and vulnerability, which in turn disturbs him deeply

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raina-at · 5 months

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My Christmas fic

In the spirit of shameless self-promotion: If you're in the mood for holiday fics, I have a few:

The Deepest Secret Nobody Knows, a Reichenbach reunion I wrote after S1, so it's super AU from S1. (also known as the fic where Sherlock and John get stuck in a lift)

All I Want for Christmas (is Proof) Sherlock and John go to a gay bar in slutty Christmas outfits. Yes, of course there's mistletoe. I'm not sorry.

And if you want to get in the mood for new year's, my post S4 parentlock fic Don't Read the Last Page takes place on New Year's Day.

#johnlock #my fic #christmas fics #that I wrote #shameless self plug #don't read the last page #all I want for christmas is proof #the deepest secret nobody knows #bbc sherlock #johnlock fic

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kalira · 9 months

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Deepest Self

Chapter One: Warning

M; 1.9k (this chapter) Kei/Sho

Though he adores Sho with every fibre of his being, Kei can’t help but worry - especially now they have shared so much more, when Kei knows what it’s like to have Sho - what will happen if the deepest, most monstrous part of himself, sometimes both awakened and left wanting by feeding, returns home in his skin.

This would be (chapter one of) the project that was working titled "Feral" (Warning, Wild, Waking. . .), of which all chapters are finished! (Significant thanks to WIP Wednesdays. >.>) I'll be editing and posting the other two soon as well.

We're starting out with introspective Kei angst, but it really is a very fluffy and sweet feels story . . . eventually. XP

#Moon Child #Kei x Sho #Kei #Sho #Feral #Feral - Wild #Feral - Waking #Kalira writes #Kalira writes; Moon Child #Kalira writes; Kei x Sho #Deepest Self

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hsmagazine254 · 4 months

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What Would You Like Your 2024 To Look Like? (Part 2) - Positive Reflection Of The Week

Quantum Manifesting – Tapping Into The Infinite Possibilities According to quantum physics, the universe is a vast field of possibilities, with energy as the currency of creation. In 2024, break free from traditional goal-setting and enter the realm of quantum manifesting. This method involves tapping into the quantum field, which is a space where intention and energy come together to shape…

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snekdood · 2 years

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yall are willing to die for trans women and not trans men and we should talk about it actually

#transandrophobia #you'll do anything to protect trans women but dont have that same energy for trans men. interesting.#anyways i think the reason this is is bc ppl like this think bc we're men we dont need to be helped or protected #that somehow we should have figured out how to do this on our own. that we dont need community bc we're already solid and tough enough #which is weird like. how are you trans friendly but then you dont do any other basic progressive shit like #getting rid of gender roles entirely instead of now instead applying them to trans people also? ??#like you dont get to be all 'men should express their emotions and be vulnerable' and then reinforce the traditional gender roles on-#trans men still. like have you or havent you decondtructed that shit in your head or did you iust see someone reblog something that seema #correct w/o even doing any critical thinking or self reflecting or anything on your end at all #i didnt suddenly become made of rock and become invulnerable when i transitioned. bc that narrative for men in general is inaccurate-#and harmful. and even if i did become super buff and capable of mowing down my enemies that wouldnt mean i dont suddenly need community #that doesnt mean i become immune to bullets or that i dont need a space to express my emotions regarding being trans n shit #like yall really just want to leave us out here to die it seems like. we have nowhere to go. no real community bc yall wont give us the #time of day or compassion or anything. you think 'men bad' and thats the deepest your political analysis goes as far as im concerned.#and if thats the case how much better are you than a terf who just decided they were 'okay' with trans women?#p sure this post was inspired from a trans guy literally being a meat shield for other trans ppl and no one gave a fuck.

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ferretastical-spectacle · 2 months

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This is my Sofia the first self-insert *jazz hands*

She’s the court painter of Enchancia. She also studies magic on the side bc given the choice who wouldn’t want to be a magic user in a magical world

#fulfilling my deepest desire to dress in historical men’s wear by drawing her #ugh I’m learning to sew just so I can dress like this #traditional art #artist of tumblr #sofia the first #marker art #original character #self insert #stf self insert

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snippetsnitch · 3 months

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(lmao, I'm back again and I won't even try to make promises I can't keep 😂 Many thanks to @kaiwewi who added me in the masterlist of @the-modern-typewriter for hero/villain blogs! 🥰 I think I can speak for all the inactive and partially active people when I say: We are very touched that people see our small contributions and think of us... It really means a lot. 🥰🙏🏻 So, please enjoy this snippet and have a good time. 😄)

#13 – Shame

Can I ask you something, [Villain]?

– Um.. Sure, what is it?

How did you end up working for [Supervillain]? You must've known that they were evil, haven't you? So what in the world brought you there?

– ...

Jesus, who cares about that, [Sidekick]? They've done more than enough to show us that we can trust them. Hey, [Villain], you don't have to share things you don't wanna talk about, okay?

– I..- Um, thank you, [Hero]...

"You know, [Sidekick] was right", [Villain] said, their eyes fixated on the ground. They had sat down next to [Hero] a few minutes ago, feeling the cool summer breeze that grazed their own skin and the one of their new teammate. "I've known all along."

[Hero] looked at their former foe in confusion. "What do you mean?", they asked, turning towards them.

"I knew who [Supervillain] was", [Villain] said with a hollow voice, "...What they did."

[Hero] frowned. "[Villain] you don't have to talk about this, if you don't want to. [Sidekick] shouldn't have said that an-"

"But they were right", [Villain] interrupted, "I must've known who they were and I did. I knew who they were. I knew everything and I joined them regardless."

[Villain] pulled their knees closer, resting their chin on them. Their expression became distant as they started talking: "You know, before I joined [Supervillain], my life was a mess. I grew up in a world that didn't have any mercy for weaklings or outsiders like me. I was hurt, angry and alone and I wanted nothing more than to be with someone who actually liked me. I wanted to belong somewhere... I wanted that feeling you and your friends experienced every day and seemingly took as a given."

[Hero] suppressed the urge to say something. They had not at all expected this kind of talk from their former enemy – especially not with them. Still, they nodded seriously to encourage [Villain] to keep talking. It seemed to work:

"I... I didn't even know that I was searching for something. I didn't know how desperately I wanted to feel needed... Useful, you know?", [Villain] let out a trembling sigh. They closed their eyes before they continued: "I didn't know that, but [Supervillain] did. It was easy for them to bait me with the interest they showed in me and my abilities. I knew that what they did was wrong, but I-.. I just thought if I worked hard enough for them, then at least someone would see something in me... That I could-", [Villain] pressed their eyes together as tears started to spill,

"Oh, Villain...", [Hero] murmured softly. They reached out to gently touch the other one's shoulder, but [Villain] pulled away.

"Don't." [Villain] whispered and wiped their tears away. They took a deep breath. Their face had hardened into a blank mask when they continued:

"[Hero], I don't deserve the place you offer me. I don't deserve to be in your and the team's presence. I don't deserve the kindness you gave me since I came here. I'm not worth-"

"[Villain], stop." [Hero] had put a warm hand on [Villains] wet cheek. The softness of the gesture startled [Heros] new partner who looked at them with wide eyes. [Hero] managed a small smile before pulling [Villain] into a warm embrace.

"Don't say things like that. You're here, because you did what was right. You came to us and helped us out, because you knew what [Supervillain] does is wrong. Because you couldn't bear it. That says a lot about you as a person.", [Hero] gave [Villain] a small squeeze before letting go. They put their hands on [Villains] face again and smiled as they locked eyes with their former enemy.

"You did some bad things and you need to take on responsibility for that, but you won't have to do that alone. You are with us now and we will support you, okay?"

[Villain] shook their head in confusion. "H-How can you take me in... Just like that?", they whispered while new tears stained their face and [Heros] fingers, "How could anyone possibly want me after I what I've done?"

To that, [Hero] knew the answer.

"I can, because I like you. Because we like you, [Villain]. Because you're worth staying and because you have good inside of you... Because you chose the light, even though your life was set up for darkness." [Hero] said warmly. They smiled at [Villains] unbelieving expression, before embracing them once again.

"...One day, you will see that, too."

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