#dapper and badass

[childoftheriver]

The boys being…

#hot as hell #keith emerson #greg lake #carl palmer #our boys #Carl doing the talking in some of these! #keith hot and handsome as usual #and of course #Gregory #that little tuck in the corner of his mouth in the Geiger pic makes me crazy #look how badass they are in the Black Moon pic!! #keith strutting his stuff and Carl showing off his “guns #Greg SO dapper in his black suit! #whew 🥵 #if only i had a time machine #black moon #elp #emerson lake and palmer #emerson lake & palmer #emerson lake palmer #a greg a day (or two or more)

[social-mockingbird]

The ultimate multitask: studying C.S. Lewis, while dyeing your hair raspberry pink for a dance, while listening to kpop, and only pausing to deliver the last of your lemon cupcakes to a very pretty boy and you still have dye in your hair and on your forehead

#boy upon my appearance *slightly delighted and amused voice* ‘she’s so unhinged!!’ #this boy has now seen basically every side of me from sobbing to deranged to pajamas to dapper to most things in between #and I’m kinda miffed at him at the moment but that doesn’t stop the situation from being hilarious and a bit of a Y/N situation #but my hair is all spiked up and stiff and I sound all raspy from allergies and a leftover cold #yet whatever!! life is more fun if you do weird things!! and put yourself out there!! #besides this awkward dyeing phase is part of the process of looking badass later #and the cupcakes were an important delivery for a friend and she’s worth the shenanigans #anyway back to the space trilogy #vera rants

[odusseus-xvi]

Pomme, the french egg

So I did a post about the french streamers (and their characters) and their mischaracterization I could see from time to time (https://www.tumblr.com/odusseus-xvi/724443078442778624/hello-helloooo-friend-hi-i-just-wanted-to-say) But I realised I didn't talk about Pomme, who has arguably the MOST mischaracterization I can find :

Most of the fandom see her only through English or other languages streams (BBH, Philza and Maximus mostly recently) limiting their views of her in general, but because of that a lot of people don't seem to know what her personnality is like, and most of the time in fanarts or fanfics she just feels like Talullah (which people also mischaracterize) but french, a little sweet girl in a little dress, so I decided to do a little summary of what she is like and some of her traits that you may have missed :

What people do get right is that she is most of the time polite and empathetic, that people get, though they tend to simplify her to only that.

She is very intelligent (learned a bit of create with Aypierre) and likes to both theorize and gossip with Baghera.

One of her parents is ETOILES !! She is a good and competent fighter ; just a few days ago she went and did a Nether Dungeon with Phil and Etoiles while Talullah worked on her garden. Her main weapon is a Moonlight GREATsword, a GREATsword, a BIGASS SWORD. She participated in infiltration missions in Federation Buildings alongside BBH, and Aypierre, in which she saved her father (Aypierre) from being caught and interrogated by Cucurucho

She has developped a deep paranoïa when it comes to the eggs' and her own safety ; between the combination of the attack of the code on her a while back, where she lost ten totems in mere seconds, an attack so strong that the admins went "ok my bad, we went a little far" (Draw her with golden scars !!! The tens of totems that saved her !!!), and the explosion at the Wilbur Party where she lagged just enough that she wasn't tped as fast as the other eggs and saw parts of the explosion. She is now scared of explosions, and always on the lookout (She also shows from time to time that her inventory and hotbar is constantly filled with gold apples and splash regeneration potions.) : During Etoiles' solo fight with the codes, when she saw the first "Dapper is down" message, and that she knew Phil was AFK, she went and pressed the OVO button HERSELF immediatly, and she got there faster than Forever !!

She is a really good writer, her diaries are praised by her parents everytime they read it, and she decided it would what would represent her in BBH's Egg Museum : She built a library where she will put her books for everyone to read. She is also a good and patient builder, with particular attention to interior design : While doing that she has shown a bit of maniacal side : She LOVES symmetry, and is irritated very easily when it doesn't go that route : One time Etoiles was teasing her by putting random blocks in her build and she went "PUT THAT GRASS BLOCK DOWN !!!" and when he continued she just left without saying goodbye.

She doesn't like to lie or steal things, she is honest in that way, BUT she often dodges questions either by saying things like "Don't worry about it :)" or by trying to guilt trip the asker by looking sad or drowning herself. She aslo picked up from Baghera the way she buries herself when mocked or shamed.

She can have a very dry and aware humor coming from Antoine's irony and cynicism and Aypierre's teachings.

Also fun fact, because of timezones, her default state on the server is sleep deprived. She is a sleepy egg.

TL;DR : She is a sweet Badass, and I'll stand by that. I need more fanarts of her with scars, her sword, dark circles under her eyes, and LOOKING LIKE THE GENTLE BADASS SHE IS !

#qsmp #qsmp pomme #qsmp etoiles #qsmp antoine daniel #qsmp antoine #qsmp baghera jones #qsmp baghera #qsmp aypierre #qsmp badboyhalo #qsmp bbh

[bigboobyhalo]

most badass dapper sign ever

[sinner-sunflower]

A HH Lucifer-centric AU 22/22

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13, PART 14, PART 15, PART 16, PART 17, PART 18, PART 19, PART 20, PART 21

STORY 2 - Sequel

I can't believe it?? I made it, Ma!

Luci's General Suit inspired by this FANART on twt by @kajina_97

This is the COMIC that inspired me to write the whole thing because I wanted this ending so bad klajdklsa it's by @Sandranetta_13 on twt

Dk what tomorrow might entai. Might be the first chapter for the sequel?

Let me know what you guys think! Please, I'm very desperate.

I'm willing to do a Q&A regarding your thoughts. DMs and Asks are OPEN! <3

Will link the sequel here once posted

---------------------------------------------------

Everything was relatively normal the following week. His and Charlie's long overdue moment with no more miscommunication made Lucifer feel a whole lot better. He couldn't ask for a better daughter.

Dressing himself in one of his battle suits, he felt like he could take on the world. Nothing says King of Hell like your best warrior outfit and a badass sword in full display.

Lucifer: Looking pretty dapper there, me.

Lucifer doesn't even bother to style his hair- it now flows animatedly like that of Lilith's.

Flowers were still being sent to him especially when he was first spotted roaming around the hotel after a week-ish long recovery. Charlie had the amazing idea of making a greenhouse or some sort of garden to put all the flowers and keep them alive as long as possible.

They got rid of any red ones after someone sent a buttload of them which then caused him to have a mini panic attack. Alastor is subtly trying to take that moment off his mind by leaving Marigolds everywhere. It's sweet but soon they're going to need a separate greenhouse for just the Marigolds. Where'd he even get these??

Finding his first Marigold of the day, in the bathroom of all places really Alastor??, he makes his way to the lobby. Everyone was there doing their own thing.

Husk and Angel are at the bar as usual, with the latter talking animatedly about something that puts an endearing expression on Husk's face. Nifty is putting on roach puppet shows for Alastor. The radio demon notices him and conveys his most 'help me' face but he just chuckled and gives him a thumbs up. The cyclops named Cherri is today's gift screener, grumbling about the pollen and the shitty taste some demons have.

Charlie and Vaggie were talking to a small group of demons by the entrance. As soon as his daughter sees him, she said something to the group then walked over to him.

Charlie: Good morning, dad!

Lucifer: You look busy.

Charlie: They're sinners who are asking about the hotel! I'm so happy that people are at least coming here to check it out. Did you have a good sleep?

Lucifer: Well, I don't feel like passing out today. So pretty good!

Charlie: That's great, dad!

Angel: Short king! Looking good in that fit!

Cherri: Yeah! Do a spin, hot stuff!

He blushes at the sudden attention. Everyone is looking at him in awe- maybe it was too much?

Alastor: Nonsense, dear.

Alastor appeared beside him in a flurry of shadows, seemingly reading his mind. He bends down at Lucifer's level to whisper in his ear. He plucked the Marigold Lucifer was holding, putting it behind the King's hair.

Alastor: I, for one, think you never looked so.. raveshing~

Damn him.

Lucifer: Shut up.

Lucifer hisses in response. Like, seriously? In front of his daughter? Thank Father, Charlie didn't hear that.

Charlie: Yeah! You look so cool. I don't think I've seen you wear that except for when there's a banquet.

Lucifer: Yeah, well, I wanted to look put together after everything.

Charlie softens at his words.

Alastor: No need for that, sire. I'm sure no one is foolish enough to comment negatively on what the King of Hell chooses to look like.

Lucifer: What does that make you then?

Alastor: Privileged, my King~

Lucifer rolls his eyes at the audacity but he can't help but smile. Man, he never thought he'd miss their constant banter.

Charlie: You look awesome, dad, okay? Al, please slow down with the Marigolds, Nifty's going crazy. Oh! Dad, right, Aunt Bel called said that the Sloth Ring is making incredible progress and that she'll visit again soon. I think Aunt Bee is planning a party with the other Sins and would like it to be held here in Pride! At the hotel! It would be so cool and of course if you're not ready I can tell them and maybe a little get together would be better. I'll even invite Sev! He gave flowers for you too and Vaggie was so jealous when I said he was my ex and thought the flowers were for me, she was so cute-

Lucifer tried, but he stopped listening halfway through his daughter's talk. It was a bit of an information overload but he kept a small, genuine smile on his face for her.

Then something caught his eye that made him stopped smiling altogether.

Charlie notices this causing her to stop talking.

Charlie: Dad?

He should answer but his eyes were locked on the wall behind Charlie. Plastered on the higher part of the lobby's wall was a glowing mark- gold wings with a dot on the center.

Lucifer turns around so fast to look outside the hotel's window. Heaven looks so out of place up there, sticking out like a sore thumb upon Hell's red skies.

A glint in the distance made him act. Without warning, he took off with such force that those inside the hotel were knocked down by the gust of his wings.

He breaks the window on his way out and pulls out Lightbringer. Lucifer brings the sword up and-

A powerful explosion lit up the sky. The sky split in two and fire appeared high and wide over Pride. At that moment, everyone became so hot that they couldn't bear it, as if their whole body was on fire. They wanted to rip their skin off just to get a sense of relief but then the sky shut closed. A strong thump was heard by every demon in the vicinity and then they were all thrown a few meters.

It felt like an eternity before Charlie and the others could get their bearings. Those that didn't get knocked out went outside, once there, they see Lucifer far up in the sky, holding up a flaming sword. The signature pentagram of the city has been fractured by whatever happened and demons all around were either hurt or unconscious.

Charlie: Dad!

Charlie calls out to her dad but he doesn't acknowledge her. His gaze never leaving Heaven, as if he's seeing something that no one else can.

--------------------------------------

A screen locked on Hell zooms out as the machine's voice rang out 'target disengaged'.

An angel looking similarly to Lucifer, except there's blue tints on the spots where Lucifer had reds, was looking down at Hell pulling back a large, golden gun. They blew the smoke residue and sighed.

Michael: Hello, Lucifer... Still causing trouble, I see.

---------------------------------------

it's done??

cliffhanger but don't worry, there's a sequel!

I spent 30 minutes looking for that comic that inspired this ending.

Did y'all catch that Lemmino reference? I'd have that description in my head rent free ever since I watched Grazed by the Apocalypse

Again, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this! This was my first published baby and I'm so proud !

#hazbin lucifer #hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #hazbin charlie #hazbin angel dust #hazbin husk #hazbin lilith #hazbin cherri bomb #hazbin vaggie #hazbin sir pentious #hazbin nifty #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel charlie #hazbin hotel vaggie #hazbin hotel angel dust #hazbin hotel husk #hazbin hotel sir pentious #hazbin hotel cherri bomb #hazbin hotel niffty #radioapple #duckiedeer #appleradio #alastor and lucifer #lucifer x alastor #lucifer morningstar #lucifer magne #lucifer centric #lucifer harem #archangel michael

[oddlyzephyrous]

on another note, so THAT'S what he needed the Necrotic Dust for! Is that the tome that Dapper's been using? The one that has that soul explosion effect? If so I CANT WAIT until he starts using it because that is SO COOL for his character lore. The ghosties literally protecting him. Grim reaper magic spectral soul shield. Badass as fuck

#qsmp #q!badboyhalo #qsmp liveblog

[isa-ghost]

qPhil & Other Egg Headcanons

Happy birthday original eggos 😭💚🎉

Note: Although I made these bc the og eggs are birth today, I've done at least one hc for each egg! They're a bit limited bc they're based off what I've seen through 3 POVs + osmosis through liveblog, but I included them all nonetheless. :D

qPhil headcanons masterlist

He thinks Leo has so much fucking swag. How does a literal egg look so fucking cool like at all times. How does she do it.

Secretly admires the shit out of Dapper. He's fucking brilliant. Hilariously unhinged. Insanely devoted to his collection habits. Adorably takes after Bad in looks and silliness. He's just such a badass little guy.

Pomme his fucking beloved. Brilliant just like her siblings, insanely perceptive, tough as nails yet still soft as flower pedals. He sees huge survivalist potential in her. He wishes she could shed some of the stress she's always seems to be under. He relates to her a bit too much sometimes. He hopes that poor girl gets a break.

He's absolutely gutted he didn't get to know Trump like at all. He saw little to nothing of him. He hopes he's at peace with Maxo.

GOD he wish he got more time with Flippa. She took him out like it was nothing. He would've loved training her alongside her parents. He bets she would've been an awesome pvper one day.

He wishes he could've seen more of Tilin. He more familiar with her than he was Trump but still not enough.

Richarlyson makes it so hard not to pick "favorite eggs" besides his own. Richas is always on some wild ass shit, Phil fucking loves it. That kid's just high on life at like all times. Unreasonably funny on top of it all. God does Phil worry about him though, he's gotten way too into risking his life for the lulz.

Ramon practically feels like a third child to him (sometimes). Much like Dapper, he loves how brilliant he is and how cracked at his craft he is.

Bobby's death absolutely devastated him. He loved that little shit. And he loved how happy he made Roier and Jaiden. Seeing how severely his death broke them made his heart ache. He had nightmares about going through the same thing.

He's DETERMINED to get to know Chunsik further. Timezones are a bitch though. :( But he will be damned if something happens before he can get more familiar.

Empanada is unreasonably cute to him, and he loves seeing her take more and more after Bagi every time he sees her once more. He absolutely loves how close she and all her moms are. He genuinely fears the Pancake Mafia tbh, and he's convinced Empanada is the head.

He adores Sunny. She knows what she wants. They're not afraid to speak their mind as long as they're comfortable. She's silly and playful and sweet. Yet they still have this small, but palpable cool edge to them. Truly one spunky little girl. 😎

Phil is like 90% sure Pepito is just always going thru it, but has a sneaking suspicion that's just how Pepito seems at first glance, and maybe thats just what Pepito WANTS people to think. Either way, Pepito is just such a Creacher and Phil loves it. An absolutely loveable little guy.

He on/off considers commissioning Ramon or Dapper to make bombs to go fuck up a Fed building. He'd let them join him tbh.

He's so insanely afraid of accidentally hurting the eggs, but he'd love to spar with them and teach them more pvp skills so they'd be even better at defending themselves. He's only comfortable doing so with his own eggs.

God, he wants more times where ALL the eggs are together. He loves watching them interact, he loves their dynamics with each other and the chaos that unfolds when they're all in one place.

Phil: I don't want to build things bc technically that's doing the Feds a favor by making the island cooler. So fuck them. // Also Phil: *would build an entire city for these goddamn eggs if it meant they were safe and happy*

#qsmp #qsmp philza #philza #q!philza #qphil headcanons #qsmp leonarda #qsmp dapper #qsmp pomme #qsmp richarlyson #qsmp chunsik #qsmp sunny #qsmp empanada #qsmp pepito #qsmp ramon #qsmp bobby #qsmp tilin #qsmp juanaflippa #qsmp trump

[sharks-sharkie-blog]

The Megalodon Shark <3

The Megalodon shark is probably one of the most popular sharks out there today! Most people believe that it's a humongous shark that's bigger than ships. Alot of people believe they still exist. Unfortunately, most of these things are incorrect. Megalodons were big! They are estimated to have grown around 60 ft long, which is only around 3 times the size of a great white! They were about slightly larger than a school bus, which most are only 45 ft.

We don't actually know what the megalodon looked like! We believe it could've looked similar to the Great White, but we aren't sure. We also used to believe that the Great White was a descendent of the megalodon, but that isn't true either. It is a heavily debated topic among scientists on what the Megalodon looked like and if it really is related to the Great White.

Megalodon also means "large tooth" given that the teeth of this shark grew to 7 whole inches long! Which makes complete sense given the size of prey/predator back in those times.

Since the megalodon no longer exists, and we aren't quite sure what it looks like, I've provided you with this pretty badass and, dare I say, dapper image of a young Great White.

(also, feel free to let me know ur thoughts on the megalodon!! PLS id love to hear/read them !!)

#save the sharks #animals #sea life #shark talks #shark #ocean life #megalodon #great white #info #hyperfixation #autism #ilovesharks #I LOVE SHARKS

[cubitodragon-moved]

Wakes up.

Blearily looks at Tumblr backscroll.

SPITS OUT TEA

Are YOU TELLING ME

That BadBoyHalo, the person Etoiles has previously declared is as badass as they are, staunch ally and egg defender

And Pomme, the French sniper, the French Egg, light of Etoiles’ eye, beloved Dapper sibling

MIGHT BE KIDNAPPED, because they discovered DAPPER IS WORKING FOR [citation needed]

And LUZU LOGS IN SOME TIME AFTER to spit more binary code truth?? About Someone Watching and a Sacrifice may be necessary???

Days before the SOON encounter the Code promised Etoiles????

SIPS TEA FURIOUSLY IM NOT AWAKE ENOUGH FOR THIS

Qsmp admins I love you but I already said don’t you dare

#qsmp #qsmp dapper #Qsmp lore #Qsmp Pomme #qsmp badboyhalo #qsmp etoiles #how am I supposed to do RL work today under these conditions

[dinoburger]

"gender affirming clown costume" sounds like a joke but it's so real. I have tumblr's queer community to thank for encouraging me to experiment with clothes.

there's a difference between "the dress" and the dress, "the dress" is such a huge turning point for a lot of trans people because dresses are so polarizing by virtue of being the item that society uses to define women - you can tell by looking at any bathroom sign

you embrace the dress and embrace femininity, or reject it and unbecome a woman

but then, you enter queer communities, and the dichotomy ceases to be "masculine and feminine", it becomes cowboys, punks, punk-cowboys, drag kings and queens, leather lovers, butches, floral shirts and mullets... the dress is defined by genre, crossing genre and experimentation, a form of play

I'm like many trans people, "the dress" was a turning point for me, when I decided I wanted to be out as nonbinary I threw all my old dresses into a box and stuffed that box into the back of my wardrobe. I couldn't stomach "embracing femininity" the way it felt everyone wanted me to. But, I was also done just wearing baggy old hand-me-downs because the thought of "dressing up" was too restrictive.

This is where my classic button up shirt and vest look came in, because dapperness didn't have that strict dichotomy. Over the years I find myself asking less "do I want to dress masculine or feminine?" and more, "do I want to dress like someone's gay dad today, or like a punk, or like something in-between?" as I broaden my style and play with it more.

you think less "someone might mistake me for a woman :(" and more "I look like a badass butch B)" - it takes a lot of the sting out of it

so for the costumes I've been putting together, I didn't want to just order a costume, I wanted to assemble it myself, give myself room to mix and match too. In doing so... I took the box out of the wardrobe. I used the frill of an old dress for the frill of my jester.

Suddenly, it's not "the dress", it's not womens' clothing, it's part of the dress. It's funny clown clothes!

it's really true what they say about your exploration of gender deepening the more comfortable you are with yourself, that you don't have to force yourself through a static lens of gender... you can be a clown instead :)

[hepbaestus]

The books from the qsmp members pt.2 (with descriptions)

Bagi: (Do tell me if I have an incorrect translation in the description below)

Etoiles:

BadboyHalo: (Gift was a skater hat)

Tallulah:

Empanada: (Gift was a clover)

Pomme: (Gift was a blue backpack full of flowers and TNT)

Chayanne: (Gift was some cake, sweet berry cupcakes, apple pies)

Dapper: (No letter, only a gift of a Copper Golem)

[Start ID: Eleven screenshots of Minecraft books all addressed to Fit from different members and eggs on the QSMP:

Bagi; Hello Fit! First of all, Happy Birthday!! I'm very happy to be able to celebrate with you :D. In my first days on the island you were very kind to me and helped me with many things, and I am so grateful for that! I'm so glad to see you and Pac working out! He's my family and it's great to see you both happy! I wish you all the best in this very special day <3 -Bagi

Etoiles; Hello fit, I hope everything works well in your life it's been a pleasure hanging out with you and I hope it's not too difficult for you to carry this gigantic cock. Take care and continue to love people you love!

BadboyHalo; Happy Birthday Fit! You're another year older, hopefully another year wiser. And another year balder, I mean stronger. I hope you have a great birthday and a great 2024! -BBH

Tallulah; February 1, 2024. Tio Fit! Feliz cumpleaños (Happy birthday) <3. I hope you had the greatest time with the people that loves you. You've been there since day one (literally) and you always looked after me when my parents are not around and I must admit I love spending time with you. Hopefully we can go in adventures more frequently and keep learning from you and learn from your brave and courageous personality. Thank you for taking good care of Ramon. I am pretty sure he loves your company, you're just fucking badass :D. I hope you ate lots and lots of cake and had a blast! Te quiero mucho <3 - tu sobrina (your niece) Tallulah

Empanada; Happy birthday tio Fit!! I hope you have a good day and that you feel as loved as you are. You are really cool and strong and always protect me, but sometimes you should let yourself be protected!! We love you :D - Em

Pomme; Hello Fit! We don't get to see each other very often, but it is always a pleasure to come across your way! You're a very nice and kind person, I hope you had a great birthday and a great time in general! <3 Happy birthday!! :D <3

Chayanne; Dear Tio (Uncle in Portuguese) Fit, I wish you a very great birthday! You are part of this family, you have taken care of us so often and I appreciate it a ton. I hope that you are able to just relay and celebrate today. Thank you for everything! I hope this next year will bring you lots of good memories and a lot of success. You deserve it! Yours, Chayanne (I made you some cake, because I don't have much cool stuff yet. Hope that's okay)

/EndID]

#qsmp #qsmp liveblogging #fitmc liveblogging #qetoiles #qbagi #qpomme #qchayanne #q empanada #q tallulah #thanks etoiles for making me write that :) #fitmc birthday bash

[save-the-sky]

sometimes a family is a guy who loves expensive wine and beating people left and right, a sarcastic badass who can hack anything in her sleep, a quiet boy who looks dapper in a suit but uses a rifle like a pro, a bitter but stylish uncle, their adopted movie star and an eccentric arms dealer in heat

#operation fortune #operation fortune ruse de guerre #operation fortune: ruse de guerre #save talks

[stuffthatsrandomish]

Dude Leos, Ramons, and Dappers last words are badass as f*ck

#my post #qsmp #qsmp purgatory #qsmp eggs #richarlyson #leonarda #chayanne #tallulah #ramon #dapper #pomme #qsmp richarlyson #qsmp leonarda #qsmp chayanne #qsmp tallulah #qsmp ramon #qsmp dapper #qsmp pomme #ironmouse #roier #tubbo #philza #elquackity #quackity #foolish #cellbit

[i-want-to-see-mountains-again]

Dapper gentlemen and the badasses they love.❤️ More Our Flag Means Death/Hobbit parallels

#the hobbit #bilbo baggins #martin freeman #thorin oakenshield #richard armitage #bagginshield #thilbo #ofmd #our flag means death #stede bonnet #rhys darby #blackbeard #ed teach #taika waititi #blackbonnet #gentlebeard #parallels #i will go down with this ship

[bigboobyhalo]

I looove that q!BBH has experience as a grim reaper and understands that respecting the rules of life and death is an important part of the job, meanwhile dapper is just a little kid and so he doesn’t quite get the full picture … he sees the role of a grim reaper as just that of a badass, scythe-wielding specter who gets to be above the rules and mess with life and death however they please …

#qsmp #badboyhalo #dapper

[anamelessfool]

Papa Knows Best (AO3)

From my "Domestics" Ficlet Series

GEN Young Primo (1962)

Tags: Mother and Son, Vintage Suburban Childhood, TV Rots Your Brain, Single Mom, Latchkey Kid, Fluff and Humor, Maybe I should send this to my Therapist, Sorta Sad Fluff Because That's My Brand

First and foremost dedicated to @fishwithtitz the most badass mom I know (besides my own), @ghuleh-recs because they like my Young Papa HCs. Also special shout out to @thew0man and @can-of-pringles for their unbelievable support.

Ficlet below the cut!

1962

Primo [Irving Robert Olson] was born at the New York City Chapel of the Satanic Church of the Void in 1953 to Sister Nance and Brother Nihil. He and his mother left the Church in 1960. Looking back, the fact that his half-brother Secondo was born the following year was probably a strong factor in Nance's decision.

The world wasn’t designed at all for a single parent household. His mother Nance did what she could to be there, but it was hard making ends meet as a poet and freelance writer so she was often out late, teaching at the nearby college or researching for the occasional newspaper gig. Nance would date other men but none stuck around, especially when they had strong opinions about her son. She preferred being alone anyway.

Primo early on learned to take care of himself, and to understand that she couldn't really attend all the bake sales, meetings and neighborhood events like the rest of his classmates.

He would ride his bike home easily enough, over the train tracks, quickly past the kids shooting bottles off of the rails with bb guns. Primo was the heaviest kid of his age group, and the other boys delighted to remind him of that. (He also was the strongest kid so they kept a healthy distance from him when they started crowing about his weight as he rode past.) He would arrive at the house soon after the train track gauntlet, parking his bike by the front yard vegetable garden. The key would always be under the mat and a sandwich in the fridge just for him. If Nance would be home past five o’ clock there would be a note for him with a silly doodle by the phone.

Primo had a big imagination, but he was never interested in books. The two things he really enjoyed was his portable turntable and the television. He had the entire week’s programming memorized and luckily Nance wasn't around right after school to chide him about too much of it rotting his brain.

One of his favorite programs (besides the Lone Ranger) was a sitcom entitled Father Knows Best. On the afternoons it was on, Primo would scoot up too close to the television, twisting the volume knob until it would not crank any further. He even dared to eat his sandwich right in the living room, the plate balanced on his lap. No one but the bronze Baphomet sculpture on the side table ever witnessed his small acts of defiance. But it was a little ritual that he enjoyed as the music swelled and that familiar house with the white picket fence appeared on the screen.

He felt odd watching it, like he was spying through the window of a classmate’s house. Trying to understand the ins and outs of this perfect family and their small dramas. Often he imagined the television screen was a window to an aquarium, a zoo exhibit featuring a rare organism. Sometimes he felt it was the smiling figures on the screen that were the real people, and he himself was the creature in the enclosure. Those were not very good days.

At the end of each episode Father would strike a dapper figure, poised against the stiff gray couch, wearing an equally stiff but smart suit even in his own home. He'd thoughtfully put his pipe to his lips, nodding at his son standing sheepishly in the middle of the living room. “Now I suppose, Bud, that today you’ve learned the importance of telling the truth,” he would chide smoothly. His voice would keep a manly tenderness despite his scolding. “And because you didn't tell the truth today, you lost the money that you were planning on buying Barbara’s birthday present with.”

“That's the pits, isn't it,” Primo said out loud, half to himself and half to the bronze Baphomet nearby.

But like the namesake, Father always knew best, and the son would get a few new dollar bills, a playful rifling of his hair and an order to go out and play. THE END, announced the title card, and the music would wash across Primo sitting in the living room alone.

“Is Mister Walter coming back this weekend?” Primo expertly captured another one of Nance’s Sorry pawns. It was evening and the two of them were doing their usual after dinner bonding time. It was fun to chat and play board games with his mother, but Primo secretly enjoyed them better when there were three people playing.

“Mr. Walter…hated cats,” Nance muttered through her cigarette. Apparently a lot of them hated cats. Primo thought it odd this was a hard limit for Nance since they had never owned a pet bigger than a goldfish.

“He was alright,” said Primo. “He liked watching TV with me.”

“TV rots your brain,” Nance replied. “Have you been enjoying Robinson Crusoe?” She had gifted the book to him for his birthday and had subsequently planted it in strategic locations to encourage him to read it. He kept reading the first page, getting confused, and then putting it down.

“TV makes sense.”

“Yeah, of course it does. Take a plot, throw it in the mixer and then drink it up. I once got offered a job writing one of those family bilgefests and turned it right down.” Nance had forgotten they were playing the game. She tapped her nail on the table. “You're smarter than that, Irving.”

“Mom, it's your turn,” reminded Primo. He stared hard at the game in front of them. “There was a good Father Knows Best episode today. Bud lost the money for Barbara’s birthday gift.”

“Father Knows Best?” Nance’s neat ponytail twitched. “Irving, you know best.” She moved her piece and collected one of her son’s pawns off the board. “Sorry.”

Primo started to feel her seething agitation, although he knew it was never about him. “Are you…thirsty?”

“Are you offering?” Her small elfin smile started to emerge. “Shall we split a Coke?”

Primo nodded and obediently went to the icebox, grabbing one from the door. He pulled out two glasses and carefully emptied the bottle into them, stooping and staring with intensity as he ensured the Coke was perfectly divided between them. He returned from the kitchen, fully smiling now, and handed one to her. Nance did a silly toast and then they clinked glasses.

Nance sighed and ruffled her son’s hair. “I'm sorry this is hard. But it's necessary. You'll understand soon. This world is full of idiots who wait for things to happen, and it never comes. Who expect things to go a certain way. Who think someone else knows what's best.”

Primo suspected she must have had a rough day. She was usually cheerful, quippy and energetic but today she gloomily tapped the ashes from her cigarette into the crystal ashtray and stared at the Baphomet across the room. At last she sipped her glass and waved her hand around.

“But all of this? All mine. I made this happen. I did it. And I'm not holding my hands out at the sky either. I'm grabbing what I want with my fist.” Nance's face softened. “And I love sharing it with you, son. I choose to share it with you.”

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#ghost scenes from the void #young primo #papa emeritus i