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honkshoo-zzz · 11 months

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depressed again

I'm depressed again.

It’s nothing new, surprising, nor earth shattering.

Nothing crazy to write home about.

Nothing worth mentioning

To outside forces, it’s the same old story:

I don’t feel good.

I'm covered in hives.

Nothing you can do for me,

I'm just sad.

I say this like I'm feeling “blue.”

It’s really not that simple.

It’s this hollowness that surrounds me.

I feel nothing,

Absolutely nothing,

And that’s what scares me.

I want to cry, I want to get angry;

And of course, more than anything,

I want to feel happy—

Feel the love I have for romance between boys,

Or even the swooning for my own partner—

And yet everything seems to be just

Gone.

I wish I knew how to get it back,

But I don’t.

Wish I knew how to explain it,

But it’s nothing I can control.

It’s all in my head

In a way I can't get rid of.

It’s not delusions, but hormones,

Refusing absorption,

Refusing to conform—

To play the role which their society guides them.

Who am I to tell them what to be?

Who am I to wish they solve all of my problems,

Like the itching up my arms,

The dead dog in my yard,

And the parents that never quite got it right?

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i-lavabean · 4 months

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Beauty and the Bees

#my art #lavabean art #candela obscura #candela spoilers #Candela fanart #circle of tide and bone #circle of Tide and Bone spoilers #elsie roberts #rajan savarimuthu #rajan/elsie #critical role #inspired by Mr and Mrs X comic cover #beauty and the bees #the hive and the queen

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thebibliosphere · 5 months

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My mast cells survived a tetanus shot, dental surgery and a boatload of stress this week but it was a liiittle too much candied lemon peel on my slice of cake that got me 😭

I guess citrus is still off the table.

#chronic health tag #food mention #covered in hives aaah

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kenobihater · 3 months

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of all the star wars movies, which of them do y'all 1) enjoy the most 2) consider the best quality and 3) think you've rewatched the most. add your answers in the reblogs or replies, i'm genuinely curious how much of an overlap there is within everyone's three answers. mine don't overlap at all! they're revenge of the sith, empire strikes back, and the force awakens :^)

#len speaks #star wars #revenge of the sith #empire strikes back #the force awakens #not tagging more films than that bc i cant b bothered. incoming tag ramble ahead bc i have sw brainrot rn and im making it everyones prob❤️#i rlly struggled 2 remember if id watched tfa or aotc more. i went w/ tfa bc it was formative to me as a teen and ive seen it probably 6ish #times? whereas aotc was the first sw movie i remember (specifically the scene of obiwan serving c*nt in the bar lmao) but i've only seen it #for sure 4.5 and maybe 5.5 times. the .5 is from when i got bored after obi-wan's scene ended and ran off to go play in the mud or smthn 😭#i'm sure tfa will eventually get surpassed in number of rewatches by aotc and rots bc i don't fw the direction of the ST but that's my #current ballpark estimate of my total number of rewatches #as an adult tho if i just wanna watch a star war i'll go with aotc bc it's fun and ends semihappily and i can turn my brain off for the #spinny lightsabers. it's great background noise or for if you're sick or whatever. rots on the other hand? i won't talk through that unless #i'm quoting it with my brother and i am LOCKED IN 100% entirely entranced by it all #i almost picked rogue one for the best quality answer but i think the character writing is weaker and the facial cgi is creepy. esb beats #it by a hair imho bc of that. the vader hallway scene goes hard tho!!!#also i'm not covering shows or games or books or anything else in this post - simply the films. might ask abt shows later but that might #also give me hives bc so many of the shows suck ass and i don't rlly want ppl extolling the virtues of t.bb in my notes 💀#and yes i do think one's enjoyment and one's opinion of quality are two things that often overlap. but sometimes you just like something #bad and that's awesome. like rots is the best of the prequels by a large margin and i adore the opening and characters and many of the #scenes but that doesn't mean it's the best star wars has to offer ykwim? it's my specialest most favoritest sw movie but that doesn't blind #me to the dialogue lmfaooo

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tricorderreading · 5 months

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#9: Triangle

An exhausted and injured Kirk makes a dangerous deal with a hive mind entity (to be protected from a different collective consciousness that's closing in) - spock senses the danger to his t'hyla and comes running

#ngl i was shocked to see thyla in the book where kirk and spock fall in love with the same woman #as i understand it this takes place during the missing second five year mission (based on publication date and the era of uniform #they wear on the cover)#star trek #tos #books #the original series #spock #kirk #exerpt #star trek tos #spirk #triangle #this book is not what i expected (so far in a good way) tho still only half eay through #its basically two hive minds vying for power and trying to consume kirk/the enterprise and spock is trying so hard to protect kirk #absolutely fascinating

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tj-crochets · 1 month

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Hey y'all! It's weird question time again! So that doctor I mentioned before that I wanted to make a dog plushie for because he has improved my quality of life so much* (and also inexplicably reminds me of like a greyhound or a borzoi) is my endocrinologist And, as my endocrinologist, he recommended back in December that I go see a rheumatologist, because he thinks I might have rheumatoid arthritis**. The staff at his office have been trying to get a rheumatologist for four months now. I know that, because yesterday I got a call from the rheumatologist's office and the nurse I spoke to said "Your doctor's office has been very...persistent about getting you this appointment" So now I kinda want to get something for the whole office? But idk what I could get them or make them. Like, in non-medical contexts I'd make cookies or brownies for a group, but I can't bring cookies to a doctor's office. I mean, I guess I could, but if I were them I would definitely not eat them, and I run the risk of allergy-ing a fellow patient. Is there like a gift basket or gift card or thank you card or something you can recommend?

*I mean he maybe should have found a diagnosis before offering me steroids about it but the low dose steroids have made such a HUGE difference in my quality of life I am thrilled with Tennessee's weird (to me, with my experience in California) medical practices **I don't think I have enough joint pain for it to be rheumatoid arthritis, but he's like the fourth doctor to tell me it's weird that when I got hives they usually started on joints, so maybe I'm wrong? I have the weird version of enough medical things that at this point I would not be surprised if I had Weird Rheumatoid Arthritis.