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jessicaloons · 2 months

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Chapter 35:

I’m standing on a tightrope, alone…

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TW: panic attack

"Lizzie?" JK snapped his fingers in front of my face and I blinked, looking around.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Where are you?" he tilted his head a little.

"Where am I? Here? Right in front of you?"

"No, silly. Where are you in here?" he poked my forehead with his index finger and I sighed "That bad?"

"Where do you want me to start?" I chuckled sarcastically.

"How about what’s with you and Charles?" he said and I grimaced "Ouhhh, hit the nail on the head at the first go. So, what’s with you and lover boy?"

"We had a fight. No… it wasn’t really a fight, more a disagreement? I don’t know…" I mumbled, plopping down on the bench.

"About?"

"Umm-… I got a call from a psychiatric hospital…" I began but stopped.

"Diaz wants to talk to you, right?" JK said and I looked up.

"How did you know?"

"Makes sense. He’s facing a serious sentence, making amends and showing remorse looks good and might make the judge more lenient when it comes to a trial…" he sat down next to me and handed me my water.

"You think he’s only doing it for show? He’s not being honest?"

"He assaulted you 3 times. He harassed and blackmailed you. I don’t know… how much could he change already in not even 3.5 weeks?"

"Charles thinks the same…" I sighed and JK chuckled "What?"

"So you said you want to go and talk to him and Charles doesn’t want you to go, that’s why you fought? Or disagreed over?" he asked and I nodded "Does that surprise you? I only heard what happened and want to kill this dude… Charles had to witness how he almost killed you… yeah harsh words, but it’s the ugly truth. Charles walked in on Diaz almost choking you to death… I think that he doesn’t want you anywhere near him ever again is just a normal reaction."

"I know, okay? It’s just… doesn’t everyone deserve a second chance? He might be sick? Have a mental disease? Maybe he needs this to heal?" I said when the door slammed shut and I flinched, turning around. I didn’t expect to see him here. The Ferrari team debrief always took way longer than the Audi ones.

"Unbelievable." Charles looked at me, a scowl on his face "You know I actually thought about it… thought about you might need this to find closure, that that’s the reason you consider it. But no, of course not… you want to go because he might need it to heal…"

"I don’t need to talk to him to find closure. I’m fine." I stood up and grabbed the dumbbells.

"Yeah? You’re fine? And what about at night? When you have nightmares? When you wake up, tear soaked face, whimpering, shaking? Totally fine." Charles scoffed "You don’t even want to talk to Dr. Lindner, cancelling all your appointments… you’re totally fine."

"I don’t need to talk about every little thing that has happened to me…"

"Every little thing?" Charles interrupted me "Every little thing? Lizzie, after everything he’s done to you, you owe him nothing! He forced himself onto you, groping you, kissing you, all without your consent, that is sexual assault! He began harassing you, asking you disgusting questions and when you didn’t answer he assaulted you again, blackmailing you. Threatening our family? He wanted you to manipulate races, he wanted you to commit a freaking crime! And when you didn’t do what he wanted, he tried to kill you in your own fucking home! Nothing of all of that is a little thing… and all of it combined?"

I sat down on the bench again and began my first set of shoulder presses with the dumbbells.

"And now you’re ignoring me? Very mature…" Charles shook his head and walked away, Andrea followed him.

I kept on doing my set and when I was done sat down the dumbbells. JK kept staring at me for the next sets and after a while I had enough.

"Say it. Come on…" I groaned but he only shook his head.

"I’m not going to tell you what to do. But just so you know, Charles is right… you owe Diaz nothing." he said and packed away the elastic bands and ropes "Finish this set and we’re done for today."

I nodded and finished the set, watching Charles in the mirror in the back doing his sets more aggressive than ever before. I packed up my things and left, straight into our hotel room where I took a long shower, thinking about what Charles had said yesterday, but also today.

He was right, I had nightmares, Diaz face appearing night after night in front of my eyes. His hands clutching tightly around my throat. When I woke up I still felt their touch on my skin. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to talk to him? See him ever again. It was more the fact that everyone told me to talk about what happened. How everyone was patronising me like I was a little girl. They all looked at me like I was a fragile, little bird. Made out of glass. Needed them to handle me with kid gloves. It was frustrating. I wanted this to be over. Once and for all. Over. Done. I wanted to know why he did all of that. Why he hated me so much? Because I rejected him in 2019? He was still holding a grudge on me after 4 years? That couldn’t be it. That just couldn’t be all. And that’s what I needed to know. The whole story. But I didn’t like how everyone tried to tell me how to feel. How to behave. Talking to him to find closure would only proof them right. And I hated it. So damn much.

Charles POV:

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Andrea asked when I saw Lizzie packing up her things and leaving without saying a word.

"There’s nothing to talk about… she doesn’t listen to me anyway. She’s doing whatever she wants to do and I have to accept it. It’s like this." I replied and continued my work out.

After a while Andrea stopped me.

"We’re done for today. It’s not working like this Charles, you’re too aggressive. You’ll hurt yourself if we continue." he said and I sighed "You should talk to Lizzie…"

"Yeah… I will, for now I’ll go on the treadmill doing a little run…"

"But just that! Then you go back to Lizzie and talk!" Andrea cocked an eyebrow and I nodded "Good! I’ll leave you alone. I don’t need to watch you running, but don’t go crazy!"

"I won’t, promise!" I said and waved him goodbye.

Not even two minutes of running and my thoughts were already spinning around Lizzie. I had to talk to someone and I had an idea to who.

Stepping out of the gym shower, I dressed up and then took a deep breath dialling the number, hoping he would pick up as I was in dire need of his advice.

"Charles, how are you kiddo?"

"Hey Seb! I’m sorry for calling this late… I’m- I’m okay. How are you? How’s Hanna? The kids?"

"You know me, I’m always just fine… as for the family… well I guess they’re annoyed by my presence every now and then and it’s not even that late, just because I have kids, my day doesn’t end at 8, you know.." he laughed and I joined in "So, Charles… what’s going on? Don’t get me wrong, I’m always happy to hear from you, but I know you good enough to know that something’s going on?"

"Yeah… you’re right…" I sighed "I just need to talk to someone…"

"Alright… I wasn’t planning on showing up before Sunday somewhere near the track, but I’m in Silverstone… there is this little pub, meet me there in half an hour?" he said and I felt relieved.

"Thank you Seb, really!" I smiled, slipping into my shoes.

"It’s okay, I meant what I said when I left the team, whenever you need me, you can always call. I’ll send you the address."

25 minutes later I parked the car and got out, looking for the bistro.

"Charles!" Seb waved me over and got up when I walked up to him "Good to see you." he hugged me and I had to smile. A bear hug from Seb always felt great.

"Hey Seb! Thanks for meeting up with me." I said when we sat down.

"No worries. You can always call." he smiled as a waiter came over to take our order "I’ll have a beer, Lager, from the tap."

"I’ll have a coke." I ordered and the waiter left again.

"So, how’s Lizzie? I texted and called after I heard what happened but she wasn’t really talking about it…" Seb looked at me.

"She says she’s fine… but she’s not… she doesn’t want to talk about it though. With no one, not even her therapist." I sighed when the waiter returned with our drinks. We thanked him and I took a sip of the cold coke before I groaned "I was so fucking blind! Everything he did to her happened right under my nose and I didn’t realise it."

"We all didn’t! Lizzie has many talents, but one of her biggest ones is for sure masking her own feelings and acting like everything is fine. She talked to me last year about Diaz. But it was only about how he asks all of this inappropriate questions, harassing her! Would I’ve known what he was doing to her?" he stopped and shook his head.

"She has nightmares. She wakes up screaming, shaking, scared and confused… I hate it. I feel like I can’t do anything to help her…" I began but Seb shook his head.

"You’re there for her. That’s all you can do at the moment! Don’t think like what you’re doing isn’t enough!"

"I don’t know… his doctor called… he wants to talk to Lizzie… and I think she considers going. But not for herself, no, she would do it for him! Because apparently everyone deserves a second chance…" I scoffed.

"Hmm…" Seb only hummed and I looked at him "Lizzie often says things to hide her true feelings? Maybe this time she’s doing it as well? Maybe she needs this. Needs to talk to him to find closure herself? But she just doesn’t know it yet? Or not fully?"

"If she wants to talk to him for herself then I’m there for her 100%. I’ll fully support her! But if she really wants to talk to him for his sake? To help him? How could I support that? I want to-…" I began but stopped, playing with my bracelet.

"You want to see him suffer? Rot in hell?"

"I want to see him dead." I swallowed hard, not able to meet Seb’s eyes on me.

"Charles? Hey?" he said and I slowly looked up, feeling bad for saying such a thing "It’s okay to feel like this… it really is. What he did to Lizzie? What he did to you? It’s just understandable. Don’t be too hard on yourself!"

"I never felt this much hate in my entire life." I admitted after a while and Seb only nodded "He didn’t just hurt Lizzie. He also dragged Sissy and Liam, Liam out of all people, into this whole mess…"

"He also hurt you! Don’t forget yourself, Charles."

"I don’t care about myself. I care about Lizzie, I care about Sissy, I care about Liam!"

"One of the many reasons why you and Lizzie are perfect for each other is that you both always put everyone else above you… but this all isn’t just about Lizzie. He dragged you into it. He hurt you as well. It’s okay to feel like this. And it’s also okay to not want him anywhere near Lizzie ever again."

"So what do I do? Just tell her it’s okay if she wants to see him? Tell her to go ahead and sit in a room with the guy he almost killed her?" I scoffed a little.

"No. You tell her exactly how you feel. Why you don’t want her near him. But that you will fully support her decision if she really wants to talk to him… I know you don’t like it. But sometimes we have to swallow down our feelings in order to help the people that we love the most." Seb smiled a little and after a while I nodded.

"Thank you. Really. I just needed to talk to someone. I just… thank you, Seb!" I said and he just shrugged his shoulders.

"Whenever you need me, you can call me. Whenever you need a little timeout from everything, you can always come visit me. Just because I’m not racing anymore doesn’t mean that I’m out of the world, you know?" he chuckled a little.

"I don’t like racing without you… it’s just not the same anymore." I admitted but he shook his head.

"My time had come. There will be a time when you will feel the same. When always being away from your family is becoming more and more draining. When racing alone doesn’t make you happy anymore. I had reached this point actually in my last year with Ferrari. But I continued… and I dreaded it. One day when you feel the same, you know what I’m talking about." he waved the waiter over and paid for our drinks "And now go back to Lizzie. Talk to her. When I learned one thing in life it’s that talking solves most of our problems…"

"Thank you Seb! For everything!" we got up and I hugged him "I see you on Sunday?"

"You can bet on it!" he smiled and waved when he walked off, getting on his bike and I had to chuckle a little.

"Lizzie?" I asked into the room when I opened the door to our hotel room. No reply. The room was empty. I looked for a note or anything. Nothing. No text. No missed call. Nothing. I called her just to land straight on her mailbox. It was already half past ten.

"Hey Charles, everything’s good?" JK asked when he picked up.

"Yeah. Do you know where Lizzie is? She’s not in our hotel? She left the gym way earlier than I did?"

"Not since the gym?" he replied and I sighed.

"Alright. If she texts you or calls you, can you let me know?"

"Sure thing. And Charles? I’m 100 % on your side on this… the only reason for her to see him should be for her closure. Her peace of mind. Not for his sake. He doesn’t deserve it…" JK said and I smiled a little.

"Thanks JK. I just wish Lizzie would see it that way…"

"Deep down I think she does… but you know her, never show any kind of weakness. Which is weird, because she’s the toughest person I know…" he said.

"She really is. She just needs to see it…"

"Yeah. I’m sure she will one day… but for now, I’ll give her a call and check in on her, then I let you know where she is, okay?"

"Thanks JK." I said and we hung up.

I changed into sweatpants and a shirt and grabbed the room service menu, ordering two salads, two sandwiches, that way Lizzie could eat something when she came back.

After 20 minutes JK texted me that Lizzie was back in the gym, running. I considered joining her, but maybe she needed some time to think. Alone. So I waited. And waited. I went to bed and turned on the tv, watching a survival show, still waiting for Lizzie. After a while I drifted off to sleep.

I stared at the sandwich and the salad on the table, looking over at Charles, asleep. Even though he was mad at me, he still looked out for me. I hated it. I hated how perfect he was. It made me feel even worse. I grabbed the food and sat down on the sofa, eating in silence, before I took a shower and climbed into bed, careful not to wake Charles up.

I ran at least 20 kilometres tonight but I still felt restless. I watched the time ticking away and before any of our alarms went off I got up and dressed. I just slipped into my shoes when I saw Charles stirring in the bed, I grabbed my bag and phone and quietly opened the door, right when I was through the door I heard Charles calling after me. But I stepped outside and closed the door, almost sprinting to the elevator.

"So I guess you haven’t talked to Charles?" I flinched when I stepped out of the elevator and bumped into JK.

"What?" I looked at him, heart racing.

"I wasn’t expecting you for another hour. That you’re here now, means that you left before Charles woke up, to not talk to him…"

"JK…" I began but he groaned.

"This is stupid, Liz. And you know it! Charles didn’t do anything wrong. The only thing he did was tell you that he didn’t like the thought of you going to see the guy who not just harassed you for years, but also assaulted you. Can you blame him that he wants to protect you?" JK gave me a stern look "Yeah that’s what I thought. The only reason you don’t want to talk to him is that you don’t want to admit that you’re wrong! Because you’re too freaking stubborn!"

"I’ll talk to him, okay? Tonight! I just need a clear head today." I sighed and he nodded.

"I’ll just grab my stuff and we can leave…" he said and stepped into the elevator.

"I’m waiting here…"

I got out of the car, shaking my head.

"What was that?" I asked Pete and he sighed.

"Sorry Lizzie, he should’ve been warned..."

"I guess this year won’t be as good as last year here." I mumbled going into the back of the garage.

"The race is tomorrow, come on!" JK said and I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah? Starting from P6? I can do shit tomorrow…" I groaned. Sitting down. I fucked up the quali. I couldn’t manage to get the car and the tyres in the right window. I would start right behind Sainz and Charles.

"Sainz probably will attack Charles right at the start since there are no real team orders as it seems, maybe you can slip past them while they battle each other?" JK said and I nodded. Maybe.

I went to the media pen with Julie, bumping straight into Charles.

"Sorry." I mumbled and he nodded.

"It’s fine. Sorry for your quali. I think you had the pace to be better…" he said looking at me and I nodded.

"Yeah… I don’t know. Maybe." I replied and he nodded now as well "I have to…"

"Yeah. Me too. See you later?" he asked.

"Yup." I hummed and walked past him.

"Okay? What’s going on? That was painful to watch? You two weren’t your usual self for the whole weekend?" Julie asked and I cocked an eyebrow.

"Our usual self? What does that even mean?"

"Oh you know what I mean! Not all cute. Stolen kisses here, loving gazes there. No jokes. No banter. What’s going on?" she looked at me pointedly.

"We had a disagreement and now we’re both petty and stubborn…" I answered and she sighed.

"Kids…" she mumbled and I laughed.

"You’re not that much older than me!"

"I’m turning 31 this year! To me, you are a kid! A kid that should talk to her adorable boyfriend…" she gently nudged my shoulder and I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah maybe…" I said, putting on a fake smile for the interviews.

I sat in our hotel room, waiting for Charles to return and when I heard the door opening I laid back, pretending to read in my book.

"Hey…" he whispered and I put my book down.

"Hey." I replied, watching him shrugging out of his jacket, hanging it up.

"Have you eaten?" he asked and I looked at the clock to his right, half past 11 "Stupid question. Sorry."

"It’s okay…" I sat up, putting my bookmark into my book, closing it.

"I’ll take a shower." he grabbed his sweatpants and a shirt, then disappeared in the bathroom.

I groaned, falling back into my pillows. Why was it so hard to just say that I was sorry. Or that he was right. I waited for him to come back out and he when he did I looked at him.

"What? Do I have something in my face?" he asked and I shook my head.

"No- I just… I wanted to… umm-…" I stammered and he sighed, laying down next to me "I appreciate your concern… I really do. I just- I don’t know. I need time to think about this whole thing, you know?"

"About what exactly?" he looked at me.

"The whole Diaz thing…"

"Okay."

"Okay?" I repeated.

"Okay." he said again and I groaned.

"That’s it?" I asked and turned a little.

"It’s your decision and whatever you decide, I support you." he said.

"Okay."

Talk to him Lizzie. That’s what JK said and that’s what I did. Almost. But did I feel better? No. Not at all

"Good night, Lizzie."

"Good night, Charles."

"FUCK!" I screamed. I was furious. What was I thinking. Not even 10 laps and the race was already over.

"Are you okay? Lizzie?" Pete asked and I huffed.

No. I wasn’t okay. I just crashed out of the race. Because of my own mistake.

"Yeah, I’m alright. I am so fucking stupid! I’m sorry! I’m so fucking sorry!" I said and shook my head. The marshals already running on track to get us out of our cars.

"He’s okay, too." Pete said and I just sighed.

"Thanks… I switch everything off. I’m sorry for the whole team!" I pulled out the steering wheel, feeling a stinging pain in my wrist. When I unbuckled my seatbelt, the pain got worse. I stood up, groaning a little in pain when I held onto the halo trying to climb out. One of the marshals looked up and then helped me out.

"Are you okay?" he asked and I nodded "You wanna wait for the med car? Or wait for a scooter?”

"I’ll walk. I’m fine." I said and looked across the track, at the entrance of the corner, spun around with it’s rear stuck in the tech pro barrier was Charles’ Ferrari, he stood next to it, talking to the marshal, as if he sensed that I was looking at him he turned into my direction. It looked like he wanted to walk over to me but stopped himself from doing it. I turned around and followed the marshal, he helped me climbing over the fence, when a searing pain shot through my back and I gasped loudly. The marshal turned around and I only shook my head. The pain subsiding already, although I still felt a little tension, that got better and better with every step I took. I silently followed the marshal and watched on a screen how my car got lifted up in the air. I groaned, bad enough that I screwed up my race, no the one I had to take out was Charles. I walked as fast as possible to the pits, wanting to arrive at my garage before Charles was brought back, that was a confrontation I didn’t want to play out in front of the media. As I walked up the pit lane the camera man was following me and I tried my best to not acknowledge him, good choice still wearing my helmet, no one could see the tears I was crying. Out of anger and frustration. JK waited for me and side hugged me to shield me off a little from the camera. We walked into the garage and I just shook my head and opened my visor a little.

"I’m sorry Felix. I really thought I could make it!" I said and Felix just rubbed my back.

"It’s alright, you wanted to go for it… next time try to go for a bigger gap and if possible at a wider part of the track… and for your own sake not against your boyfriend." he said and smiled encouraging at me. I just groaned and nodded and he pushed me away laughing "Sit down for a moment and have something to drink! It’s alright, Lizzie."

I walked through the garage and apologised to my mechanics and the whole crew, then I sat down and JK brought me a towel and something to drink.

"You wanna keep that helmet on forever?" he chuckled and I shook my head, before slowly taking it off.

"I just didn’t want the cameras to catch me crying out of anger! They will twist it into me being an emotional woman crying after crashing into her boyfriend…" I sighed and JK laughed.

"But that’s what you’re doing!" he said and I rolled my eyes "Just kidding! I know, it’s all good like this. You sure you’re alright? No pain? Tension?"

"Yeah, there will be tension as soon as Charles will come for me!" I whispered and JK only shrugged.

"It won’t be that bad, don’t worry!" he said and I rolled my eyes.

"He could be on the podium! Maybe even win! And I am the reason why he didn’t even get a single point out of today!" I said and JK squeezed my left shoulder.

"Just give him your puppy eyes and you’re good!" he laughed and I smacked his shoulder, hissing in pain "Okay, you’re in pain!” JK gently took my hand and started stretching my fingers, carefully twisting my wrist and I groaned "Liz! You can’t hide something like that! Race suit off, now!"

I got up from the chair and pulled the zipper of my race suit down, then JK helped pull off the sleeves carefully. He examined the movements I could make without pain, then walked off and watched a replay of my crash on of the screens He watched it again and then came back.

"Why did you grip the steering wheel even tighter? You know to take your hands off the moment you know you’ll crash! I need to see your whole arm, come on." he said and I followed him in the back room where I pulled my fireproofs off, seeing my wrist being already swollen, then he stretched my arm, bent it, pressed my shoulder "Oh Liz, you would’ve left now like this without saying something?" he murmured and I just shrugged "So, nothing’s broken, but it’s definitely heavily bruised. I’d say we let a doc check it, make sure it’s not strained. You want to go to the meds now, they’d give you painkillers?"

"No it’s fine, I just keep it still and that’s okay." I said and he helped me back in my fireproofs "I just want to find Julie, go straight to the media pen and be done with it."

"Good thing I’m already here." Julie chimed in and I nodded.

"Let me just have a look in the mirror." I said and walked into the bathroom, wiped off my face and smoothed down my hair, before I hissed in pain again.

"Stay here." JK gave me a stern look before he walked away again and came back at moment later with some bandages and gauze "I’ll make a temporary splint and sling."

"Thanks, JK." I mumbled and Julie and I walked off "Is it only Logan, Charles and me who are out?"

"No, Esteban and George crashed just one lap after the restart." Julie said and I nodded "I’m sorry, Lizzie, but I have Sky Italy, Germany and UK. Also Canal+."

"Sky Italy? They’ll kill me!" I sighed and Julie nudged me gently.

"It will be fine." she said encouragingly and I simply nodded.

"Hmm. If you say so." I held my head low. Sky Italy will kill me. The Tifosi will kill me. Charles. I just hoped he was having a long talk with his team before he would come into the media pen. Long enough for me to be back in the garage again when he arrived. I took a deep breath and walked up to Mara Sangiorgio.

"Lizzie. Hi. Unfortunate ending to a promising race? What happened?" she asked.

"I underestimated how narrow that corner really was. It was my mistake. I wanted too much. I felt like with the DRS I could overtake Charles, maybe stay ahead of him long enough for him to ruin his tyres as we know the Ferraris’ weak spot are the tyres! But I made a mistake, we touched and unfortunately both spun out."

"Last season you won here…"

"Yeah, last season our car was a little easier to drive, not as stiff as it is now. But it’s getting better and better with each weekend… but today it wasn’t the car, it was me. I made a mistake and that cost me not just my race…" I began before I took a deep breath and continued in Italian, looking straight into the camera "I’m so sorry for Charles, Ferrari and all Tifosi. I misjudged the situation and ended both of our races. I’m really, really sorry to all Tifosi."

"Thank you Lizzie." she smiled at me and I nodded, following Julie to the next interview, right when Charles entered the media pen. I swallowed hard, turning away, trying to focus on my interview. I felt his look on me, but tried to ignore him.

"Sorry? What was the question?" I asked Nathalie who smiled empathically at me.

"I asked if you’re okay? Your arm?" she nodded at my arm in the sling.

"Yeah I kinda held onto the steering wheel a little too tight when I crashed into the wall. It’s a little bruised, my coach just wants to be extra careful." I replied and she nodded.

"Thank you Lizzie, take care."

"Thank you." I smiled a little and looked at Julie.

"Canal+ now and then we’re done."

"Great…" I just knew that Candice Boucher won’t have a single nice word for me.

"Lizzie, hi. What a race." she said, a sneer like smile on her lips "How do you rate your weekend?"

"Weekend? Not too bad. We had a good pace. Quali went okay. The only thing that wasn’t working out as planned was the race-…" I began, just to be interrupted by her.

"The race where you made a crucial mistake, crashing into Charles, ending his race."

"Yes, unfortunately, I steered into Charles and-…"

"Was it just you misjudging the situation or was it a simple lack of… awareness, maybe even something else?" the sweet smile on her lips, didn’t match the icy tone in her voice, or the hard glare of her eyes.

"It was a lack of talent probably." I pressed out and she grinned.

"After races like today, do you understand why there are still some people saying you don’t deserve your seat?" she asked next and I swallowed hard.

"People think what they want. I don’t care." I turned to Julie and she nodded.

"We’re done, thank you." she said and took my arm, leading me away "She’s a bitch."

"But she’s also right…" I sighed right as Charles stepped in front of me.

"What’s with your arm?" he asked gently and I looked down.

"I held onto the steering wheel when I crashed into the wall…" I mumbled, not meeting his eyes "I’m sorry…"

"Were you at the medical centre?"

"I’m going later. But did you hear me? I’m sorry for crashing into you." I repeated.

"I know." he replied and I looked up, right when Mia nudged his shoulder, nodding towards the Canal+ crew "I have to…"

"Yeah. Sure." I nodded and walked off, without another word.

Charles POV:

The after race debrief went by in a blur. I barely listened when Mattia said my name repeatedly and Xavi nudged my arm.

"Charles!" I looked at Mattia and he sighed "Nice that you decided to join the conversation."

"Sorry." I mumbled.

"Races like today can’t happen again. We need every point we can get…"

"It’s not like I asked Lizzie to crash into me?" I said and he nodded.

"I know, but she shouldn’t be able to catch up to you like that? We have way more race pace than the Audis this season…" Mattia sighed and I looked at him.

Was he for real? Lizzie overtook Carlos right before she attempted to overtake me. Yet I didn’t hear him say a word to Carlos being overtaken by her? I looked at Carlos and his father next to him. Like always when we had meetings he was with us. Why? I didn’t understand. But right now I also didn’t care.

"We all need to work on our performance. Our pit stops need to be faster. Our race pace must improve. We have to deliver now. The second half of the season must be ours!" Mattia said and all around the table everyone was mumbling in agreement "Meetings dismissed. Carlos. Charles. I need you two in Maranello. We have new upgrades we want to test before they get finalised." Mattia looked at us and I nodded, then I got up and left. Not speaking to anyone. I hated this season. Nothing was working the way I wanted it to. I was pushing the car every other weekend over its limits and ruined my races. Austria was just luck. Luck, I didn’t know how I managed to get. I also didn’t feel the same kind of support within the team anymore. The fact that I had to sit through strategy meetings alone, while Carlos had his father and cousin by his side, always giving their input, didn’t sit right with me, but I couldn’t change it. Mattia had nothing against it. He was the team principal. It was just another weekend to forget, that ended in a race debrief that left me more than insecure.

When I walked into our hotel room it was silent. A tiny ball underneath the sheets was the only indicator that Lizzie was here. I checked the time and thought that Lizzie maybe went to bed already. Rolled up into a ball, never a good sign. She slept like that when she was feeling unwell, anxious. I grabbed my sweatpants and a shirt then went into the bathroom to get bed ready. I climbed into bed next to her, pulling the blanket up.

"I’m so sorry that I crashed into you…" she said after a while and I turned my head slightly to look at her.

"It’s okay. You made a mistake, we all did at some point." I said quietly "How’s your wrist?"

"It’s okay. A little bruised, but that’s it…"

"Were you at the medical centre?"

"Yeah."

"That’s good."

We laid there in silence when Lizzie turned around, pulling her blanket down a little, her big blue-grey orbs looking at me.

"Are you mad at me?" she whispered and I shook my head.

"I’m not mad, Lizzie. It’s just… I’m scared… the last time you were in a room with him, he almost killed you… just a minute later and… I can’t lose you." I whispered back, tucking some loose strands of hair out of her face.

"You won’t lose me! And I actually meant the race…" she grabbed my hand, kissing my knuckles.

"No. I’m not, I’m not happy, sure, it was stupid going for that gap, it was too narrow, no space, you know that. But I also know that I would’ve done the same probably… so yeah, I’m not mad." I chuckled a little.

"After races like today, I kinda understand why everyone thinks that I don’t deserve my seat…" she mumbled and I gently grabbed her chin, tilting her head up, making her look at me.

"Don’t go there, Lizzie. We all had moments like this! Just look at Miami this year! Or France last year! Max and Lewis 2 years ago? We all make mistakes! That doesn’t mean that we don’t deserve our seats!" I said determined and she sighed.

"Maybe you’re right…"

"Not maybe, definitely!" I pulled her into me and she snuggled into my side "I missed you this weekend… I hated that we weren’t talking or rather barely talking…"

"I’m sorry… I just thought that- that you didn’t want to talk to me after I said that I’m considering talking to him…" she whispered and I sighed.

"I didn’t like the thought, but yeah it was a little childish to ignore you…"

"I started it…"

"We need to work on that." I said and she looked at me "Communication. Sometimes we lack of it…"

"I think it’s more me than you."

"No. It’s us equally. When you start to ignore me I have to make you talk to me and vice versa. This is how it should be. More talking."

"Yeah. More talking…" she whispered and started to play with my bracelets as a comfortable silence fell upon us.

"I really can’t lose you…" I mumbled after a while and Lizzie looked up at me.

"You won’t lose me!" she replied but I shook my head.

"I’m just thinking… the amount of times I thought I lost you in the past? What if the next time, luck isn’t on our side?"

"It wasn’t luck! It was always you who saved me!" she scooted closer, cupping my cheeks, making me look at her "It was always you!"

"Yeah but what if I’m not there the next time? What if I’m not fast enough?" my voice barely above a whisper.

"I know that you’ll always be on time!" she kissed the tip of my nose.

"Can I come with you?" I asked and her eyes widened "When you decide that you want to see him? Can I come with you then?"

"I haven’t even decided yet…"

"But when you want to go and see him?" I almost pleaded.

"I wouldn’t want to go without you…" she admitted and I smiled, kissing her gently.

"I honestly don’t want to go to Maranello…" I said while packing my bag.

"It’s just for three days! Come on… suck it up!" Lizzie chuckled and I sighed dramatically.

"I don’t think that any upgrades can fix this car. It’s fucked. I know it. They know it. Everyone knows it. Look at our last results?"

"You mean your win in Austria?" she asked, tilting her head to the side.

"No I mean Canada! Barcelona! Monaco! Baku!-" I began.

"Baku where you were also on the podium? Sprint race and normal race?"

"12 races and 2 podiums… wow…" I stuffed a few socks into the bag.

"Technically 9 races… so yeah, one sprint race podium, one podium and one win in a car that is completely designed for your teammate… who’s also not really performing any better!" she sat up from the bed, looking at me.

"According to the media, he does…" I mumbled.

"Yeah according to the media I don’t deserve my seat… are we believing them? No! Especially not since 90 % of this bullshit is coming from Spain. Of course they have to bash you in order to highlight Carlos… but we know the truth!" she said and I sighed.

"I don’t know. I want to ignore it all, but it’s so damn hard… especially since I kinda have the feeling that some people within Ferrari think so too, you know?" I sat down next to her and she looked at me "I don’t feel like they all believe in me anymore… it changed. It’s like more and more of them are leaning towards Carlos… wanting Mattia to make a decision that Carlos is our number 1 driver." I looked at my hands.

"I feel like the Sainz family has a little too much influence on the team… or rather at the team principal… especially since Santander became the main sponsor…" Lizzie said, grabbing my hand "But you know what they can’t to? No matter how much influence they have? They can’t make Carlos a better driver. You are the better driver. And with a little more luck, a better car and a more reliable team, I’m sure as hell that you can show them all who you are, il predestinato."

"How are you doing that?" I said and pulled her into a tight hug "How do you always find the right words to say?"

"I learned from the best…" she chuckled a little, kissing my cheek "And now go. Drive to Maranello with your head held high and show them who you are. Tell them that the car like this is not drivable and if they want you to compete at the top they need to make some changes!"

"Let’s hope they listen to me…" I said and threw a last shirt into my bag, zipping it close "I’ll call you as soon as I’ve arrived!"

"I’m waiting for your call."

I leaned down and kissed her, her cheeks turning a little red when I pulled away, looking at her.

"Thank you Lizzie…"

I got out of the simulator, Fred waiting for me.

"And? What do you say?" he asked and I smiled a little.

"I mean, if you manage to get the upgrades done like that? The second half of the season might be working out better for us!" I answered slightly optimistic.

"We’re trying our best. But I guess we won’t be able to have the upgrades earlier than Suzuka."

"Better than nothing." I shrugged my shoulders and we walked outside together.

"How are you boy? The last weeks were tough…" Fred asked and I sighed a little, following him into his office when he waved me through the door.

"I’m okay, I think. Yeah sure. It was all a little much from time to time. But I’m focused on the last two races before the break."

"How’s Lizzie? It’s horrible what she has been through. It was sad enough to see her being treated the way she was last season…" Fred poured himself a coffee, offering me one as well but I shook my head.

"The way the media, the fans, even some of the other drivers were making jokes about her wasn’t okay. They went too far. Way too far. You know Lizzie, she doesn’t show you when she’s hurt, but I saw it. I saw how hurt she was and how much what was being written and said affected her…" I said and he nodded. She did an amazing job. P4 in the championship as a rookie? That’s a pretty good result. She showed all her doubters how great she is." Fred said, looking proudly at a picture on his desk. I followed his look and had to smile. A picture of Fred, Lizzie, René and me. The day Fred asked me if I wanted to join the Sauber F1 team for the 2018 season.

"She really did, but there are still enough out there who doubt her… not just her." I added quietly and he looked up from the picture.

"I’ve seen what they write about you Charles. Don’t listen to them. We know what we have in you. Don’t worry about that…" Fred said reassuringly and I nodded slowly "It’s a tough season for us. But we have a win. You brought it to us. Don’t forgot that!"

"I know. It’s just… it’s been tough lately. A lot of noise. Off track as well as on track. I know I’m not performing as well as last season…" I said.

"The car this season isn’t as good as last years. Or at least like last year in the first half of the season… we already are in the middle of the concept of next years car, finalising it." Fred said and I looked at him.

"We have some ideas how to make it faster, how to maximise the performance. I have a good feeling about it."

"Sounds good to me… although I want this season to be over first, before I think about the new season." I said and he nodded.

"We will get there, Charles. Don’t worry." Fred said and I got up "You focus on this year and I focus on next year."

"I will." I smiled and left his office, with a better feeling than before I’ve entered it.

I parked the car and got into the elevator.

"Lizzie?" I called out as soon as I walked inside the flat "Cara mia? Are you here?"

No answer. I dropped my keys off on the drawer and put my bag down on the bed room, pulling out my phone.

"Hey Charlie. Are you back?" Lizzie answered immediately.

"Just got in." I grabbed something to drink and walked into the living room.

"I’m at your mum’s. She’s cutting my hair a little." Lizzie said and I chuckled.

"Ouuuhhh I can’t wait for your new look." I smiled and sat down on the sofa.

"Not a new look, silly. She’s just cutting off my tips. They look a little unhealthy." she said and I heard Maman saying that Lizzie should sit still "Sorry Pascale."

"Then I don’t want to be the cause of you twitching around… see you later." I said.

"Alright. See you. Love you."

"Love you too." I said and hung up.

I switched on the tv and leaned back, scrolling through my phone. Seeing some tribute posts for Jules and I swallowed hard. I almost forgot what day today was. The tributes were beautiful, as always, a lot of them with pictures of Jules and I. I kept scrolling, until I came across a post about me. My season so far. I clicked on the link in the bio, opening an article about me. An article that was published by Marca.

Charles Leclerc - Ferrari’s biggest hope only a shadow of his past self

I read it. With every word the sickening feeling inside me got worse and worse. The things I’ve read over the past weeks all summed up. All the things I’ve criticised myself and everything beyond all laid out in front of me. The last sentences were the final blow.

He was believed to continue his late godfather Jules Bianchi’s, whose death marks the 8th anniversary today, legacy, they called him Il Predestinato, the predestined, but as of lately he doesn’t live up to his name.

I put my phone down. Wiping stray tears off of my cheeks. They were right. They were all right. I just didn’t want to see it.

"Thanks Pascale, it looks amazing!" I kissed her cheek and she laughed.

"I cut off your tips! Nothing more!" she shook her head and I grabbed my phone "Give Charles a kiss from me, oui? Today is a tough day for him…"

"I will, don’t worry. I’ll grab us something to eat and we’ll have a quiet night before we leave tomorrow." we kissed cheeks and I left, pre ordering some food for pick up. Right as I got inside my car I got a text from Joris, with a link to a news article. I opened it and immediately revved the engine, driving straight home to Charles.

I unlocked the door and entered the dark flat. Not a single light was switched on, silence. Charles keys on the drawer, he was at home. I took my shoes off and walked through the hallway, as I came into the living room he sat at his piano, dark room, hands in his lap, head hung low, hair dishevelled, eyes on the keys.

"Charles?" I said quietly, he didn’t even flinch. He just sat up, wiped his face with his hands, turned around and put on a smile, more fake than anything I’ve ever seen before. His eyes betrayed him, they looked lost, almost dead "Hey, my pretty boy." I walked up to him and he got up.

"Hi, cara mia." he said it with a weak voice then he cleared his throat "Are you hungry? I think there’s some leftover pasta?" he wanted to walk away but I grabbed his hand.

"Charles, talk to me, please." I pleaded but he just shook his head.

"Lizzie, it’s nothing! I’m fine! It was just an article, I’m used to it!" he said and pulled his hand out of my grasp, I could see the tears gathering at his waterline, as he walked away.

"Charles, we promised we’d always be honest!" I whispered and he stopped abruptly "We said we never lie to each other." my voice falters and he turned around.

He looked at me for a second before his resolve started to crumble and I could see all the pain, exhaustion, anxiety, disappointment, hurt, pressure and fear of the last weeks in his face. I could see how everything seemed to came crushing down on him at this very moment and he began to tremble, I made a step towards him but he took one step back, I stopped dead in my tracks and he looked at me shocked.

"I’m sorry!" his voice was hoarse and raspy I only nodded and took another cautious step towards him but this time he didn’t move, so I stepped in front of him and he looked down to the ground. His breathing was shallow.

"I’ve read it… what they’re saying… what if they’re really thinking like that? What if everyone agrees? What if it’s the truth and we just don’t want to see it?" he whispered and I took his hand in mine "I’m not good enough, not anymore, I thought after last year we’re on a good way, but we’re not and I’m clearly part of the problem! I’m underperforming, I make mistake after mistake, fuck, Miami! Twice in the same fucking wall! Baku? Also in the wall! Then 2 DNFs! Carlos is outperforming me this season! What if they’re all right and I don’t have what it takes to become a World Champion. What if I never be able to make Jules and Papa proud like that?" tears running down his cheeks.

"Hey! Look at me, Charles! Enough, okay? That’s enough! I said it in Austria before! It’s enough! This whole stupid narrative that he is the better driver, that he’s the one who brings home the big points? He carries this season on his shoulders? Fuck this shit? The people saying that! Charles you had two DNFs, both not your fault! And he is only a handful of points ahead! So what?! That’s not a driver who carries a team! You won a race and had another podium! And another sprint race podium! You had a pole already! And that all with a car that is clearly designed for him? And a shit box in general! Oh please! And that he is so fucking obsessed with you lately and has to rant in every fucking interview? And then Ferrari wants to shut me up? They should keep their side of the street clean before they come for mine! You are the number one! Everyone can see it! They should start to value you, before someone else will! It’s bullshit that all the interests in you died down apparently! I know that Felix would love to have you in our team! And Christian is a weird ass at times but he would hire you in no time at all! Fuck I think even Mercedes would give you rather than Mick the seat if Lewis would retire! Every other team on the grid would take you in, no doubt!" I said, recounting everything that has been mentioned in the article, but he only shook his head.

"You’re my girlfriend! Of course you think like that…" he mumbled and I scoffed.

"Listen to me, Leclerc. I never lied to you about your abilities! I never lied to you when it came to your skills, your talent! And I’m not starting now with it! So when I say that you are World Champion material and he is not, I’m saying that because I raced you my entire life and I know it! You hear me? I know it!" I said it with a stern voice.

"I don’t know, Lizzie. Lately I’m just tired of it all, I don’t know if it’s all worth it anymore…" he looked at the ground again.

"What are you saying?" I looke at him confused.

"There is no other team for me… it was always like this. Ferrari or nothing… but I have failed the team, the Tifosi, you! And the team clearly doesn’t have faith in me anymore. There is so much going on in the team, Lizzie, things I can’t tell you. The politics have changed. Fred tries his best to keep me going, to reassure me, but he’s not my team principal, he’s not the one who makes the decisions. He’s involved in the car development for next year, he’s more doing internal stuff. But the rest of the team? I feel like a lot of them lost their faith in me! And I can’t even blame them! It’s just… fuck! There is no one fighting for me, there is just no one in my fucking corner. And I can’t do it alone. I can’t continue like this. Not when I don’t know who still has my back. Not when I don’t know who to trust anymore." his voice broke and he buried his face in his hands. My heart broke, I pulled him into my arms and hugged him tight. His body began to tremble and he started sobbing.

"I can’t do it anymore, Lizzie. I just… I can’t… it’s just too much. I-I’m a failure and I’m… I’m never… I can’t… It’s just so hard… I just…" his breathing was staggering and he began to shake violently "I can’t… Lizzie I can’t… breathe…" he was almost unable to say the words.

I guided him to the sofa and pushed him down, then kneeled in between his legs and cradled his face between my hands. His breathing was shallow, his hands were shaking, lips trembling, silent tears running down his cheeks, as he desperately gasped for air.

"Charles, listen to me, ok? Can you do that for me?" he tried to take a deep breath but his breathing stopped abruptly "Charles! You’re having a panic attack! Listen to me, focus on my voice! Please! You need to focus on my voice, can you do that for me?" he looked me in the eyes, nodding slightly "Ok, good! You need to breathe with me! Inhale and hold it in okay? Inhale, 1,2,3,4,5… exhale, 1,2,3,4,5. Inhale, 1,2,3,4,5… exhale, 1,2,3,4,5. Inhale, 1,2,3,4,5… exhale, 1,2,3,4,5. Good job, you’re doing amazing! And again…" His breathing was still ragged but at least a little steadier than before.

"It hurts… it hurts to breathe…" he whispered and closed his eyes.

"I know, Charlie, I know… but we have to keep going, okay? Just for a bit until your breathing steadies okay?" I whispered and he nodded leaning his head down, resting his forehead against mine "Breathe with me…"

I pulled the blanket over his shoulders, shut off the bedside lamp, kissed his cheek and quietly left the room. Shutting the door. I sat down on the sofa pulling out my phone.

"Lizzie, is everything okay?" Dad asked as he picked up "Did something happen?"

"What? Why?" I was confused.

"It’s almost 11, you never call that late?" he answered and I shook my head, of course.

"Shit, I’m sorry Pops, I forgot about the time when…" I began but stopped, how do I explain what was going on for the past 2.5 hours?

"Is Charles okay? After that article? And then published today out of all days? He doesn’t believe a word of it, does he?" Dad asked and I half sighed, half sobbed "Hey! What’s going on, Lizzie?"

"Dad, we have to do something! They’re destroying him… he can’t be there anymore, not alone!"

"At Ferrari? What’s going on?" he asked and I didn’t even know where to start.

"I don’t know what’s going on at Ferrari… but he said that he feels like his team lost their faith in him? Like he has no one in his corner standing up for him? Fighting for him?" my voice was trembling "I could see over the past few weeks that something was going on. He dreaded going to Maranello, when did that ever happen? He didn’t highlight at every given opportunity how much he loves his team, believes in his team. And then I heard some mechanics talking about how they find it weird that Carlos, his father and cousin are at the strategy meetings sometimes? Race debriefs? That they sometimes have the feeling that they talk Mattia and Co. into giving him the better strategy. Fighting for him, while Charles is all alone! Nicholas can’t be there all the time, he has other clients. And he’s also just his manager! But Charles needs someone who fights for him! He needs a father figure standing up for him! Someone who has his back, the way Carlos dad has his!" I cried at this point while Dad was awfully quiet "Dad, I’m scared for him! First Miami? Then Baku? God Austria! The last weeks the light disappeared again out of his eyes! And then all of this shit with Diaz and me? That’s just making it all worse! I don’t know what to do anymore! I always try to talk him out of this thoughts, always try to make him see how good he really is. But today? I couldn’t get through to him. He believes every single word written in this damn article! And I just know that Diaz has something to do with it! I don’t know what to do… the last time when he was like this was after Hervé’s death, but he had racing as distraction and he loved it! But now… he spoke about quitting, he didn’t said it like that, but that was what he meant!"

"Lizzie, calm down, okay? Is he okay? Where is Charles now?" Dad asked calmly.

"He’s sleeping now. He had a panic attack, he couldn’t breathe anymore! Dad he broke down in my arms… I can’t see him like this anymore!" I almost whispered it.

"You won’t. It’s enough now. Don’t worry, Lizzie. I’ll take care of it." Dad reassured me.

"But how?" I asked exhausted.

"I’ll go and have a talk with Nicholas, we will find a solution how we put someone in his corner, someone who’s fighting for him!" he said it with determination and I nodded to myself, feeling the exhaustion taking over "I promised his dad something, and I will hold onto that promise! And now, my Lizzie. Go to sleep. You sound exhausted and tired. It’s all going to be okay, I promise you." Dad said quietly.

"Thanks Dad! Good night, love you!" I said.

"Good night, my little owl. I love you too, both of you!"

Chapter 35 - a "shorter" one (the first under 10k words after a long while)… poor Charles. Just when we thought our lovebirds might get their well deserved break 👀😬

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reidiot · 14 days

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no one laughs at my man but me 💋💋

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fastcarsfasthearts · 1 year

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If today's quali was a picture:

#miami gp 2023 #Lestappen bottling quali together #They're so damn chaotic #Charles goddammit! WHYYYYY #Maxie holy shit why haven't you leaned that if you don't do the quali lap at the first try then a freaking red flag happens #and 4/5 times it's caused by a Ferrari #also Charles get your shit together and stop playing the victim! you're 8000 times better than this. You should be front row with Max!#max verstappen #mv 33 #charles leclerc #Maxie #Carletto #cl 16

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kariliah · 26 days

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Happy Almighty Pumpkin race week!

#cl16 #kariliah draws #charles leclerc #f1 stuff #cl 16 #japanese grand prix

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bizzlechaos · 1 year

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charles leclerc icons

like or rebelog if u used.

twitter @ swifhrry

#charles leclerc icons #charles leclerc #leclerc icons #f1 twitter #twitter icons #random icons #formula one #ferrari icons #f1 drivers icons #f1 icons #men icons #icons booktwitter #charles icons #charles leclerc 16 #cl 16 #leclerc #leclerc 16

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cleclercz · 1 year

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it’s only the second race and charles has a penalty already 🫠 . . . i’m a fool for thinking this season was gonna go well

#f1 #formula 1 #formula one #f1 2023 #saudi arabia gp #charles leclerc #cl 16 #charles leclerc 16 #fuck ferrari #i hate it here #scuderia ferrari #ferrari f1

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bawsixteen · 7 months

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You can't buy a class, Carlos

#charles lecrelc #charles leclerc #scuderia ferrari #ferrari #charles marc hervè perceval leclerc #formula one #lord perceval #monaco #prince of monaco #f1 #cl 16 #cl16 #16 #charles lechair #sharl leclerc #charles monaco #charles marc hervé perceval leclerc #carlos sainz #read this

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bwcsainz · 8 months

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Charles Leclerc | Thursday TV Pen, Singapore, 2023

#charles lecrelc #charles leclerc 16 #charles16 #cl 16 #ferrarri #b and w aesthetic #f1 #formula 1 #f1 x reader #singapore gp 2023 #bwcharlos

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ricciardosheart · 5 months

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What the actual fuckkk

Charlesssss baby the things you do to me - 😳😳😳😳😳

guys this is my edit

#this man and his genes >>>>>#formula 1 #f1 #formula one #charles leclerc #chalres #Leclerc #cl #cl16 #16 #cha #charles leclerc angst #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc smut #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc fanfic #leclerc

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pia-nor481 · 6 months

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Wine and Whiskey (part two)

Charles leclerc x reader smut 18+

3.3k words

“Where are you going?” Her voice slurs in whining, shimmying closer to the edge of the bed and shooting up to stand, stumbling far more than Charles did.

He was quick to catch her despite the surprised look on his face, his arm coming around her bare waist to press her closer to his body. Even with the way his fire proofs rubbed against her skin, she only leaned in closer to prop her chin on his chest. “I was just going to get a towel to clean you up,” Charles chuckled softly, bringing another hand up to run his fingers through her hair. While the touch was relaxing, and as much as she wanted to settle into him, the obvious tent pressing against her abdomen kept her alert enough to huff and attempt to stand straighter in his grasp.

“And not let me take care of you?” She muttered softly, sulking as Charles’ hand slipped down to cup her cheek. Another chuckle leaves him, except there was a slight mock in his tone as his fingers slid further down to hold her chin up once again. “You can’t even stand up straight,Cherie.” He smirked down at her, although he was certainly intrigued at just how determined she seemed to be to please him. Even after his win today.

She flashed him a smile, his teasing only urging her on as she slipped her hands under his shirt to squeeze his hips and lean up closer into his hand, “I don’t need to stand.” There was a gleam in Charles’ eyes, clearly having piqued his interest as he gazed down at her with that same desire from moments ago. That alone was enough encouragement for her to catch his lips in a slow kiss. Her hands began traveling higher under the black shirt, where her fingers slid along his sides and pressed into his back to feel that much closer to him. A shift in her step caused slight stumbles and breathy chuckles shared between the kiss, and soon enough his shirt was finally off. Not to strain her feet any longer, her lips traveled lower down his body, leaving teeth marks and circles of reds over his skin. The heavy breaths and soft groans above only spurred her on, nipping softly at his navel as her hands found the waistband of his trousers, only to be stopped by a firm hand against the back of her head.

Gazing up at Charles with wide and curious eyes, she notice him holding his glass of whiskey while he looks down with a slight tilt to his head, as if he was was curious himself. Swallowing in anticipation, she watched completely enthralled as Charles tipped his head back with his glass, assuming he was taking his last sip. With a look in his blues that had her body yearning towards him, she pushed herself up on her knees as her heart thrummed under the buzzing excitement. Charles’ hand pressed her head closer, holding it in place as he leaned back just enough to let the whiskey pour past his lips and stream down from his chest to his sternum, dribbling past his navel in a straight path to her lips. Without even asking, she tilted your head back with an opened mouth, chin digging into his abdomen to drink up as much of the whiskey as possible. Even despite the disdain for the hard liquor; the act of it, the heat of the exchange causing an ache between her legs all over again. As much as she hated the taste, the mere fact that it sat in Charles mouth and rolled down his body to meet her tongue, had her moaning where she kneeled in front of him with her head in his hand.

There was an almost mean laugh in the air as his fingers dig into the back of her head, tangling in your hair. “Vous avez enfin changé d'avis pour le whisky, hein ? Et tout ce qu'il a fallu, c'est un tourbillon dans ma bouche pour que tu gémisses autant… Honnêtement.” There was a tantalizing edge to his voice, how he smiled too sickeningly sweet down at her. But she just couldn’t help the feeling of pleasure. As her eyes averted from his, a sharp tug to her hair lead to gasps. Immediately meeting Charles’ darkened gaze paired with that teasing smile of his. “What happened to “doing what you had to do”?” He chuckled softly, taking one step back towards the edge of the bed, all the while she followed him in earnest on her knees with hands grasping at the sides of thighs. His hand was still in her hair even as he sat at the edge of the bed, even more intimate in his proximity to her. With her hands on his knees, all she could do was look up at him as he leaned down. Close enough to smell the woody vanilla aroma of whiskey in his rougher yet controlled breaths.

“You really are such a sweetheart.. Wanting to take care of me, even after such an overwhelming orgasm…” Charles spoke low enough to caress her throat, coaxing her into a trance that had her leaning into him subconsciously as a sly smile spread across his face. “So go ahead,” he started in a deep purr, nuzzling around her cheeks and sending a shiver down her spine, “Do what you have to do.”

Charles kissed her in the same vein, slow and gentle in the drag of his tongue and the tug of his teeth over her bottom lip. As he pulled away, his hand slipped from her hair to rest on the edge of the bed, and the slight nod of approval had her leaning in to press kisses down his navel slowly. The lingering taste of whiskey on his skin had her humming and licking her lips, her fingers tucked under the waistband of his fireproofs and boxers as she kissed lower.

Once he slipped free of his garments, her eyes trailed up slowly and her mouth watered embarrassingly so, having to swallow heavily just from looking at him from between his legs. Pressing her hands against his inner thighs, she lined up kisses along the underside of his cock, letting her lips drag lazily as she leaned in closer to kiss at the head. With a blissful sigh just above her, she could feel Charles’ hand slip under her chin, caressing at the jaw like he was appreciating her before taking him in. She leans into his affection, Charles’ thumb sliding along the bottom of her chin and tugging it down to part her lips. In the cloudy haze, their eyes met as his thumb pressed against her lips in tandem. “Show me.”

There was confusion for a split second, until Charles pushed his thumb past the part of her lips to press against the middle of her tongue. Almost immediately, she wrapped her lips around his thumb to swirl her tongue around it, hollowing out her cheeks and bobbing her head slowly, all the while he held her eyes. He looked more than pleased with her display, tilting his head slowly to get a better look of her, and if his eyes didn’t show it, the slight twitch of his hips definitely did.

“That’s it..” he sighs slowly in his pleasure, only for his grip to tighten under her chin for a second, his thumb firmly hooked under her tongue as he tugged her impossibly closer. “surveille juste tes dents, chérie.” He spoke in a soft warning, but something about the glint in his eyes held a curiosity to see if she would actually try. As she nods in his grasp, Charles slowly slips his thumb out, gently rolling her bottom lip down before finally letting her go, to lean back against his hands. Finally deep in that fuzzy headspace, she wraps her hand just around the base to stroke him down, ease out the tension and tightness in his abdomen with her tongue swirling around the tip. She wad spurred on further by the quiet grunts and heavier sighs that bloom from his chest, her lips finally wrapping around him fully with a delighted hum buzzing against him.

Charles groaned shakily and curled his fingers around the sheets, watching through half-opened eyes as she bobbed her head slowly, similar in motion to the way she sucked his thumb; taking her time all in earnest to make him feel good. She lost herself in the feeling, just as he did. The heat and the weight of him, the pulse of his veins and the heady taste, it was full and warm and scratched the right itch of her needs that she not-so-subtly hid away in the crevice of her mind. Both of her hands pressed against his inner thighs once more, forcing him to accommodate as she lowered her head and widened her mouth to take in more, to feel him slip into her throat where she swallowed hard around his girth. “There.. There you go…” Charles praised in the rumble of his chest, his head lolled to the side where it rested on his shoulder. He got the perfect view from that angle, watching the way the light caught in teary eyes, the growing flush in her cheeks that hollowed the deeper she went– it was certainly a sight to behold all in the part of his knees.

It looked as if she wanted to consume him completely, having started this to take care of him, only for it to slowly shift into a filthy and selfish desire to feel more of him, to hear him sing for in a way that only she could pull out. how her tongue plucked the strings of his pleasure, how her throat swallowed him in to project those deep grunts. The occasional shift of his hips is what had her squirming on your knees, so eager to please and yet so eager to be used, to use him. The drunk feeling was so much in her mind– spinning in the foggy haze, wanting so many things all at once knowing the pleasure would be just as rewarding all the same. Charles let out a breathless laugh as he observed– how she looked so torn in gaining her own pleasure all while she wanted so badly to pleasure him too, to have him feel the same way as she did, with her mouth so full of his cock. He found it cute, almost, how her sense of direction had become so muddled in the chase for Pleasure.

“tu es jolie, petite chose.” Charles murmured in that same rumble, cooing almost as he brought a hand over to brush his fingers along her cheek, brushing away the few strands that stuck to her face in the slobbering haste. “.. Si doux et impatient, hein ? Doux dans la façon dont tu m'accueilles... Me laissant glisser tellement plus profondément, là où j'appartiens,” he whispered his way of praise, his hand sliding down as he spoke to stroke the length of her throat. The way he leaned over pushed him so much deeper than she could him, breathing in deep and shaky through her nose; choking at the intrusion, and yet welcoming him with a whine from the lighter parts of her flushed chest. He reveled in the cushiony heat, gasping quietly in heavy breaths as her throat closed in around him, as if trying to accommodate for his size, or perhaps take more of him.

As Will leaned back to admire her and her desperation, his fingers tangled back into her hair as she continued in her languid motions with an occasional hum and moan of her delights. Charles looked down at her expectantly with that sly smile of his and hummed grunts sounding from his glistening chest, his hand so close to just pushing her down for him to use, she was more than pleased to be on her knees and giving into all of his desires. She dipped down lower, taking him deeper, slowly reeling back, Will’s hips suddenly bucking into her mouth with his fingers tightening in her hair. She choked and gagged at the sudden motion, nails digging into Charles’ skin as the tears blur her vision. “désolé-” he panted, but looking up at him through the tears, he didn’t seem too sorry by the act, nor did his grip loosen in her hair.

There wasn’t a single spark of disdain in her glassy eyes, pupils wide and dilated like something had awoken in you. The ache in her jaw, burning at the corners, and the sharp pain of her scalp, she was beyond saving at this point. Breathing deep and heavy through her nose, shaky in between as she took him deeper again, slowly pulled away to bask in the warm weight– and he thrusted again. This time she moaned at the sensation, the burn and ecstatic heat in her throat coursing down to her core. Charles murmured his apologies, but it was no use with the way he did it over and over and over again, and she took him in well just as he praised. As she could only squirm and whine around him, her entire face flushed and glistening with her fallen tears and sweat, lips swollen so prettily that he had to pause for a moment just to look at her.

Charles’ hips stammered in her mouth, jumping in her throat as her nose nestled into the trimmed hairs of his pelvis, with eyes rolled behind her lids, a drawled moan reverberating from the depths of her chest went straight into his groin. “Oh– You’re insatiable–” Charles’ words strained in his throat, choking with the bob of his Adam’s apple as her tongue caressed the sensitive underside of his cock, the pulse of his veins thick and urging her closer, to drag him closer to the edge. Her neediness seeped into his fingertips, warming at his chest and swirling in his core. His jaw falling slack, fucking your throat with abandon as his fingers twisted into your hair. Charles was barely sitting at the edge of the bed, his hips driving into her, she created choked off moans like a beautifully curated orchestra for him. He tuned those strings just right, plucked and loosened inside of her, keeping her pliant enough to play that he was practically hers to tease and toy and break and build up all over again.

This was the only place she’d allow her to get lost in, gazing up at Charles with pleading eyes, glazed over with something obscene, almost depraved, far from wanting anything gentle and warm. It was hot and indelicate the way he held her head in place and found that pace that had his chest heaving, glistening with a sheen of sweat with a curl of whispered praises and curses leaving him at once. He caught her gaze in his haste, swollen lips growing into a knowing smirk as he rolled the heat– that weight right on her salivating tongue with the anticipation of what’s to come. The tighter twist of his fingers in her hair had her whimpering in the sharp pain, a particular thrust down her throat caused her to choke and scramble to grasp at his thighs, his voice coming in rough and guttural and dripping with sex, “Don’t waste it. Not– Not a single drop, you hear me?” He asked as if she could answer, continually shoving himself down her throat in a way that stirred her insides without actually fucking her guts.

“ Nous ne gaspillons pas notre… Notre nourriture ici, chérie. En particulier.” He panted, coming out heavier and quicker in tandem with the sloppy thrusts of his hips. “–Especially.. When it’s made just.. For you.. So, don’t. Waste it.” He growled out the last phrases, emphasizing his words with a thrust, and one more for good measure– before forcing himself down her throat and giving her everything he had, spilling into her with a drawled moan and twitching hips. “oh putain, oui, c'est ça, oui, oui, putain.”

With her nails clawed into his thighs, she swallowed down every last drop just as she was told to, even as her lungs burned, even as her body felt like it was on fire, wanting to curl away from the strain– but the pain blurred the line of pleasure that it had her floating all at the same time. The heft of W

Charles’ hand still on her head, tangled in her hair and trembling as he held her for a moment longer to relish in the heat, to get drunk off of it, a feeling he could never get just drinking whiskey on his own.

Ever so slowly, he reeled back trying to catch his breath, pulling her head up with him once he was satisfied, as he was teetering on the edge of overstimulation. There, he loosened his grip on her hair, hissing with the resounding pop of her lips released from the head of his cock, and soon his hand found its place back under her jaw, but she looked satisfied, well satiated. Pressing his thumb to her well-loved lips, she reacted almost instantly with a gentle kiss to the pad of his thumb, leaning further into the security of his hand with a blissful sigh.

“Come here..” Charles sighed softly, having come down from his overwhelming high and ready to have her so much closer. She obliged the best that she could, legs feeling like jelly as she pushed herself up with her arms on Charles’ knees, but he was right there to pull her onto his lap in his stronger arms. Gentler kisses stamped her chest, lighter nips to her collarbones just to wake her up while she got comfortable on his lap, arms falling loosely over his shoulders. Charles kissed and dragged his lips higher, taking the extra time to kiss her throat slowly, lingering on her skin where it grew warmer as she hummed in appreciation. She offered her own sense of affection with fingers running through his now damp hair, Charles’ hands rubbing over her sides, along her back where he pulled her down by her shoulder for a proper kiss. She was thoroughly melted into charles’ body, his tongue like honey against hers and his hands acting as that gentle reminder that he has her, that he’s not going anywhere.

Pulling away from the kiss, he settled them both down on the bed, under the now red linen covers where he pulled her into his chest. It’s like he was reading her mind, the way she yearned with her arms outstretched towards him, not wanting to be away from him for longer than necessary, even tangling her legs with his. She whispered thanks into his neck, pressing a few kisses under his jaw to further solidify the end of her pleasures with him.

As they settled into each other, her fingers tracing shapes along his hip, and his fingers stroking along the line of her spine, there was a rumble under her ear. “Hm?” She tilted your head up towards Charles , blinking slowly as she looked at him with a softer gaze in your questioning.

“Thank you so much Cherie, I really appreciate you, I do. You don’t know how much you mean to me.” He said, squeezing her closer. She responded with a quick “I love you, it’s what you deserve.” As she began to close her eyes. Charles spoke up again, “so I think it’s safe to say you like whiskey now, no?” He basically giggled out, receiving a weak and small shove as a response.

#charles leclerc x reader #charles lechair #charles leclerc x reader smut #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc smut #charles lecrelc #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc #f1 smut #f1 x reader smut #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic #CL:16

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jessicaloons · 12 days

Text

Chapter 40:

And some things you just can’t speak about…

Masterlist - Previous - Next

TW: Miscarriage

Charles POV:

I felt my phone vibrate for the third time, while trying to focus on the questions, wondering what was going on. As soon as Tom Clarkson ended the press conference I stormed outside, taking my phone out. Multiple missed calls from JK. I called him back immediately, a sickening feeling in my stomach.

"What’s going on, JK?" I asked when he picked up.

"Lizzie ran away." JK answered and I was confused.

"What do you mean, Lizzie ran away? Where are you?" I asked, panic starting to overcome me.

"I don’t know what happened. She ran off in the middle of her interview. She’s gone. All of her stuff is still here. But she’s gone. And she’s not picking up her phone either!"

"I’m coming to you…"

"I’m already here…" JK stood in front of me all of a sudden.

"But… she wouldn’t just leave?"

"Julie said that she said 'Fuck this shit. I’m done.' and then left. She’s not at her garage or hospitality. All her stuff was still there, but she’s gone."

"Why did she run away? She wouldn’t just say fuck it and leave for no reason?"

"She was in the middle of an interview and then she left…"

"I bet my ass it was a Spanish outlet." I said and JK nodded "I should’ve said something. Set the record straight. Fuck."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"She didn’t just punch Sainz for no reason, who does that anyways? He said that I should learn how to tame my bitch." I grit out and he looked at me with big eyes and a look of pure disgust on his face.

"Asshole."

"I know… but now I need to find her!"

"Try your hotel. I think that’s the best option then." he suggested.

"Yeah… but what if…" I began.

"Don’t think like that. Go. Look for her. Call me when you’re there. If Lizzie is there, good. If not, we’ll go and find her!" JK patted my back and handed me Lizzie’s bag.

"I go and grab my stuff now, then I go to our hotel. Thanks JK, really!" I sprinted back to the Ferrari hospitality, Mia already awaiting me "Whatever it is, it has to wait, there’s an emergency."

"What happened?" Mia asked alarmed.

"Lizzie ran away… she’s gone. No one knows where she is… I need to find her." I already walked up the stairs, just grabbing my things and ready to leave when Silvia’s voice called out for Mia.

"Mia? Is Charles back from the press conference? He and Carlos need to film a video."

"Charles just left…" Mia began but got interrupted immediately.

"He left? He can’t just leave? Call him! He has to come back!" I rolled my eyes at her shrill voice.

"You don’t want him to come back, Silvia. He threw up. Twice. I’m just glad that he was thinking fast enough to hide behind a container. Just imagine if someone would’ve filmed that!" Mia lied.

"True. That would be something we don’t need right now, one of our drivers vomiting in the paddock." Silvia sighed "Alright, then I go and look for Carlos. You check in on Charles."

"I will." Mia said and walked up the stairs "Alright. Go out through the back door, no one will see you there! And text me when you’ve found Lizzie. Or if you need help finding her!"

"Thank you Mia!" I hugged her and then left through the back door like she said. I made it out of the paddock and back to the hotel without being seen by anyone. I almost sprinted out of the elevator, through the door of our hotel room.

There she sat. On the sofa. Knees hugged tight to her chest. Eyes closed. Quietly humming. Relieve flooding me, although the way she sat there, looking so small, almost made my heart break. I carefully approached her, gently touched her knee and she flinched a little, looking up.

"Hey." she whispered as I sat down next to her.

"Hey." I replied cupping her tear stained cheek "What happened?"

"It’s ridiculous. I overreacted." she mumbled but I shook my head.

"I don’t think so… it was the Spanish media. They are coming after you because you dared to touch their hero Sainz senior." I said and she chuckled bitterly.

"Yeah. But you know, without proof what he said? No one will believe me. And they won’t believe your words, because of course you would lie for me…"

"I’ll find a solution. I promise you…"

"No! You can’t do anything Charles! I don’t want you to lose your seat because of this!" she almost cried and I pulled her into my lap, leaning back.

"I won’t, trust me! I already have an idea and if it works they all see what a disgusting man he is…" I whispered and she nodded slowly.

"I want this season to be over." Lizzie sighed after a while and I kissed the crown of her head.

"Yeah… me too. It’s one to forget, to be honest. But we have to put on a brave face and show everyone who doubts us that we’re better than them, okay? Better than all of them!" I smiled encouraging at her and she nodded slowly.

"Yeah… and we’re starting out with you on pole and me right behind!"

"Hell yes."

"Charles? A word?" Mattia said right as I wanted to grab my helmet.

"What’s up?" I asked, taking a sip out of my bottle.

"I need you to stick to our plan today. You can’t get your feelings for Lizzie get the better of you. You have to defend Carlos. He made it on pole! Keep Lizzie out of his range…" he said and I rolled my eyes "I’m serious Charles!"

"Whose idea was it to start on the softs? To be able to fully attack? Right. Mine. Who said that getting in front of Lizzie at the start is the most important thing to do to help Carlos? Right. Me. I know what I have to do. No need to remind me…" I said grabbing my helmet, wanting to leave.

"I just wanted to make sure that we’re still on the same page."

"Yeah. We are. Can I go now? Thanks." I brushed past him.

"What was that about?" Andrea asked when he took my helmet from me.

"He wanted to remind me to stick to MY plan…" I sighed and Andrea rolled his eyes.

"Your plan to help Carlos win… because he can’t do it alone…" he said under his breath and I chuckled a little.

"Andrea." I chided.

"I didn’t say anything…" he grinned, following me out to my car "But if I did… it would be the truth."

"Lizzie rubs off on you." I chuckled.

"Maybe. But it’s just for the best I think." he shrugged his shoulders and I nodded.

"Yeah, it really is. Let’s go now, let’s help Carlos win this race." I sighed while Andrea rolled his eyes.

"Yay. Sounds fun… not."

"It’s scary how similar you and Lizzie are getting."

"As long as you won’t kiss me, it’s good."

"We'll see about that."

The race was long. Exhausting. After half the distance my fingers began to hurt, but I powered through. After fighting with Charles for multiple laps I finally was able to leave him behind, knowing that he sacrificed his race for Sainz. Now I had to fully focus on him in front. I wouldn’t let him take home this win. He would stay winless after today. I pushed as hard as I could and managed to finally overtake him and create a little gap between us. But he was quick to recover and the next few laps were a tight battle, with me staying in front but not with much.

"Do I have anything left?"

"Negative."

"Fuck. My tires are gone as well."

"Just keep pushing. 5 more laps to go."

I tried. I gave my all. My car was going around the corners with barely an inch between the walls at some parts of the track. My tires were more than gone. And when Pete finally said that it was the final lap I felt relieve flood me. One last lap. But Sainz came closer and closer with each turn. Right as I drove into turn 16 I saw him, closer as ever and I pushed hard. Through turn 17. Straight down into turn 18 and I was still slightly ahead when all of a sudden I lost all control, felt the strong pulling of the g forces in my bones, spun around and crashed right into the wall before the final corner. The impact raged like a tidal wave through my body. My mind buzzing. I was out of the race.

"Are you okay? Lizzie?"

I couldn’t answer. Hands trembling. Arms felt heavy. Neck and shoulders tense. A dull pain in the pit of my stomach, a weird pulling.

"Lizzie?"

I saw marshals approaching. A searing pain shot through my hand. When I tried to unbuckle myself. Of course. My already injured hand had to bitch now even more.

"Lizzie? Are you okay?"

"Did that really happen? Did he really…?"

Radio silence. I knew what that meant. Sainz did in fact drive straight into me. Sent me off track. Won the race.

"You have to wait for the medical car." one of the marshals said but I shook my head and climbed over the wall.

"No, I don’t." I replied, out of breath. The heat. The exhaustion. The impact still in my bones. The pain in my fingers. The abdominal pain, getting worse with every step. It all was too much and I felt myself swaying. I grabbed onto the wall to steady myself and took a deep breath. Then I almost jogged towards the pit lane. Saw how the cars passed me after their out lap, returning to the pit lane as well. I had to be there before Charles got out of his car. I knew that he saw what happened. It was still on replay on all the screens. He would be seething. He would be going straight for Sainz, cameras or not. Another Marshall saw me struggling and held me upright.

"You should go to the medical centre." he suggested but I shook my head.

"I can’t. I have to go to the pits." I breathed heavily and continued "I’m fine. Really!" he let go of me reluctantly and I felt his look on me for a while. I saw how Charles parked his car and knew I had to be faster. I clenched my teeth and kept going. Right as I felt like I would faint I dropped my helmet and someone was catching me from falling.

Charles POV:

The car wasn’t even properly parked, the engine not even switched off when I unbuckled my seatbelt and threw the headrest away. Climbed out. Threw the steering wheel back in. My helmet followed. Then I looked around. Saw how Carlos jumped into the open arms of our mechanics. Saw them cheering. Celebrating. Singing. My blood began to boil. Pure rage surging through my veins. I wanted to break his bones. Every. Single. One. I stalked towards the scene when someone stopped me.

"Wrong way." Pierre held me back.

"Get out of my way."

"Charles, not here. Not for everyone to see."

"Look at him! Look at them! Look how they celebrate!" I screamed and some heads were turning our way.

"I know but…"

"You know nothing! It’s my girlfriend he sent straight into a wall! On purpose! He probably didn’t even ask if she’s okay!" more and more people where looking at us. Some guys from my team as well, all looking conflicted. Pierre still held me back "Let go of me."

"No." he pushed me away from my destination "I won’t let you do…"

"I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU…" I began to scream when I heard a weak voice calling out for me.

"Charles…" Lizzie.

I turned around. My heart dropped. She clung to Alex, who held her upright. She was pale and sweaty. Body shaking. Her helmet on the ground, visor cracked. I ran up to her. Pulled her into me.

"Are you okay, cara mia?" I whispered and she nodded slowly.

"I’m okay. A little exhausted… I honestly didn’t think that the way would be that far. My cardio sucks." she chuckled breathlessly but I pulled away, cupping her cheeks.

"Why didn’t you wait for the medical car? Why aren’t you on the way to the medical centre?" I looked at her.

"Take a good guess…"

"Cara mia…" I began but she shook her head.

"No! You say nothing! You stay calm!" her voice was firm although I could see how hard it was for her to just stand "Please Charles, don’t do anything stupid!" she almost pleaded.

"Okay, I won’t. I promise! But can I please take you to the medical centre?" now I was the one pleading.

"I think you should first go and congratulate your team and team ma-…" she began but I scoffed.

"Congratulate them? For what? He sent you straight into a wall! He needs to be penalised…" I seethed and took her helmet that Alex handed me "Thanks mate, for helping Lizzie…"

"No worries, just get her to see a doc, she almost fainted twice on her way here." Alex said and gently patted Lizzie’s arm.

"Thanks Albono!" Lizzie smiled at him, but I could clearly see her exhaustion.

"Come on, pretty girl, let’s get you to the medical centre." I whispered following Pierre, who took my helmet out of my car, to our weighing.

I waited outside the hospital room, mind reeling. When the doctor at the track said they had to take Lizzie to the hospital I expected the worst. My heart was racing. The minutes I had to wait felt like hours when finally a nurse opened the door and let me in. Lizzie was pale but she didn’t look like she was seriously injured, but the look on the doctor’s face as he told me to wait until she would wake up made me feel uneasy. I looked around, there was a big plastic bag with her racing suit and fireproof on the chair in the corner and when I looked closer I saw something red staining the bag. I didn’t need to look again. I swallowed hard. Blood. But where did it come from? Was there something I didn’t see? Was this the reason the doctor rushed her to the hospital? Breathing got harder and I tried to calm myself down, right when Lizzie opened her eyes, frantically searching the room until they found mine and she visible relaxed.

"Hey cara mia. How are you feeling?" I asked, voice trembling a little, drawing circles on the back of her hand with my thumb. She sat up a little and smiled lightly.

"I’m okay, Charles!" she said and smoothed down my ruffled hair a little, the result of my anxiety over the past hour "What happened? We were at weighing and then all is kinda blurry?"

"You fainted-…" I began when the door opened and a doctor came in.

"Hi Lizzie, how are we feeling?" he asked and Lizzie shrugged a little.

"I’m okay. A little tired. Nothing bad going on." she answered and yawned quietly.

"Were you feeling unwell before today?" the doctor asked and Lizzie shook her head.

"You felt sick for weeks, Lizzie!" I said sternly and Lizzie just sighed.

"It was a stomach bug. That’s it." she said and the doctor shook his head slightly.

"For weeks? And sometimes it was more, sometimes less?" Charles looked at the doctor.

"I see… Lizzie there is something that we need to talk about…" he began and looked at me for a moment.

"Whatever it is, you can say it in front of him, it’s fine." she said and he nodded.

"I’m sorry to inform you, but due to the high forces in the car when crashing into the wall, you had a miscarriage…" the doctor said and I could hear Lizzie inhaling sharply "We’d say you weren’t that far along maybe 8th to 9th week if we’re correct?"

I looked at Lizzie, shocked expression on her face. She was pregnant? We were having a baby?

"Miscarriage? I was… I was pregnant?" she whispered, her voice hoarse.

"You didn’t know?” the doctor asked and she shook her head slightly, then closed her eyes and pulled her hand out of my grasp and put it in her lap, fiddling with her cuticles as always when she was nervous or anxiety ridden "I’m sorry to be the bearer of this sad news. We’d like to have you over for the night to make sure you’re all good and then you can leave tomorrow."

With that he left and Lizzie sobbed quietly, tears streaming down her face, she pulled her knees up to her chest, hissing in pain but hugged them close, her head turned away from me.

"Mon amour? Lizzie? Hey! Look at me!" I whispered and sat next to her in the bed and tried to make her look at me.

"I’m sorry Charles! I’m so sorry! I didn’t know! I would never get in the car if I knew that I was pregnant! I would never… I’m so sorry!" she cried and I pulled her in my lap, hugging her tight "I lost our baby, Charles! I’m so sorry!"

"Stop apologising! It’s not your fault! You don’t have to be sorry for anything! Do you hear me?" I said but she was shaking and whispering how sorry she was over and over.

"Please don’t hate me for losing our baby!" she whispered after a while and my heart broke.

"Enough! You hear me, cara mia? It’s enough! Stop apologising for something that wasn’t your fault! Stop feeling guilty for something you didn’t know! Stop blaming yourself! It wasn’t your fault. And please stop thinking that I could ever hate you! I love you, Lizzie! You hear me? I. LOVE. YOU!" I said and held her close, kissed her temple, forehead, cheeks again and again "It’s okay! We’re going to be ok? Alright? Stop apologising, Lizzie! Please!"

She nodded slightly but I could hear her soft sobs for quite some time, before she finally fell asleep and just then I allowed myself to feel the same devastation. We were having a baby. I would’ve become a dad. And my beautiful Lizzie would’ve become a mum. But not anymore. And she blamed herself for it. Thought I could hate her. Her out of all people. I kissed her on the crown of her head.

"I love you, Lizzie and there’s nothing you could ever do to change that. One day you and I will have a baby and it’s going to be one of the most beautiful days of our life’s!" I whispered and after some time I fell asleep myself.

I woke up when I heard someone talk loudly in Italian in the hallway and sat up, careful not to wake up Lizzie. I got out of the bed and stretched a little before I opened the door.

"…he can’t just disappear like that!" Mattia said to Andrea who scoffed.

"What did you expect? That he would celebrate while his girlfriend fainted multiple times and has to stay at the medical centre? After crashing out? Because someone sent her straight into the wall?" he replied and Mattia rolled his eyes.

"It was a racing incident. She didn’t leave enough spa-…" Mattia began.

"Bullshit. Lizzie had the corner and he didn’t leave her enough space! And instead of backing down he drove straight into her!" I said loudly and they both turned around.

"Charles, that is not what was happening!" Mattia said "They were close the whole last lap and at this corner she should’ve left him more space."

"Why? That he can overtake her? Who does that? Who? She was in front. She had the corner. So he did the only thing he could do, he touched her, made her crash out. In the last corner." I had to suppress my anger.

"Yes, they made contact. And Carlos got a penalty. For causing a collision. The FIA dealed with it. It’s all good now…"

"It’s all good now? IT’S ALL GOOD NOW? Lizzie! She had a mi-… no. Nothing is all good now!" I almost screamed, Andrea putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Look, I’m sorry Lizzie has to be here. But as Carlos teammate I expected you to congratulate him. I expected you to celebrate with the team. It was important. It was his first win after all! He ended the domination of Red Bull. But you left without a word. You weren’t at any interview. You’ll be fined and we won’t pay for it. That is on you. But you’re going to be at the race debrief. I won’t tolerate your absence." Mattia turned around and left, without giving me the chance to say a word.

"How is she?" Andrea asked me and I felt my throat closing in. I shook my head, trying to get a word out but couldn’t. The weight of the news still heavy in my stomach.

"She’s umm- she’s okay. Under the circumstances… I mean… yeah- she… she’ll be okay." I stammered and Andrea nodded, sensing how bad I felt.

"What happened? Come on. You can tell me. It’s okay." Andrea lead me to a seating area and sat down, I did the same and leaned back, closing my eyes.

"Andrea… Lizzie- she was… we would’ve become- she lost our baby…" I whispered the last part and Andreas eyes widened in horror "She didn’t knew that she was pregnant. But the high g-forces when she crashed into that wall? It was too much. The baby… it couldn’t survive it… Lizzie had a miscarriage."

"I’m going to kill him. He stood there, celebrated like he was a king. Celebrated like he won this race through his own brilliance when it was you who defended him for such a long time to create a big, fat gap. Ferrari wanted you to sacrifice your entire race to help him win. And you did and he… he only won by pushing Lizzie off… and then he didn’t even mention you once. He didn’t acknowledge your involvement. He didn’t thank you. Nothing! Mattia didn’t as well! They didn’t mention Lizzie at all! Not saying that they were hoping she’d be fine! Nothing!" Andrea was furious and I hid my face in my hands, arms on my knees.

"I’m not leaving her alone. I don’t care about the race debrief or what Mattia will do. I don’t care about it all anymore." I whispered.

"You’re going to that race debrief and you show them all that no matter what they throw your way, you overcome it all!" Lizzie’s weak voice behind me made me flinch and I turned around.

There she stood, pale, swollen eyes, tired, in her hospital gown. Looking nothing but determined.

"Lizzie! You should stay in bed!" I got up but she took a step back, holding up her hand to stop me "Cara mia…"

"No. You go. Both of you. Carlos won today. We can’t change that. He got a penalty but still won. It’s like this. But you don’t give him, his family, Mattia or anyone else the satisfaction that you can’t handle it or something. No. You go to that debrief. You put on a smile. You congratulate him. You be the bigger person. You show your honour. And from then on you show them who you are. You do the talking on track. You destroy him. In every single race to come. You finish ahead of him at the end of the season." Lizzie sounded determined and I looked at her. She was the strongest person I’ve ever known. I nodded slowly and took a cautious step towards her and she took one towards me as well. Two more steps and I engulfed her in a tight embrace.

"I love you, cara mia. So so much!" I whispered in her ear, kissing her cheek.

"I love you too, Il predestinato! Go and show them who’s the best driver!" she replied and I looked her in the eyes for a moment before I leaned in for a kiss. Her warm lips brushed against mine and for a moment I forgot everything around us "Go now. I’m fine. JK and Julie will stop by later with some fresh clothes. I won’t be alone."

"Are you sure?" I asked her and she nodded "Okay. I’ll be back as soon as I can!" I kissed her once again. I stepped aside and Andrea hugged Lizzie.

"Mia ragazza… I’m so sorry." he whispered and Lizzie nodded a little "I make sure that Charles won’t do anything stupid… don’t worry!"

"Thank you, Andrea." Lizzie breathed out.

"You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met." Andrea said when he pulled away, kissing her cheek "Let’s go." he looked at me and I nodded, watching Lizzie returning back to her room, climbing into the bed.

"Let’s make this quick."

I walked inside. The trophy sitting int the middle of the table. Mattia and Carlos talking with his father and cousin, Riccardo, his race engineer right next to them. A whole bunch of our team still with a big smile on their face, talking animatedly about the race. I sat wordlessly down, at the end of the table, not making a sound and waited for the debrief to start. Alessandro, Callo and Mario came up to me, patting my shoulder and I looked up.

"Hey, how’s Lizzie?" Alessandro asked and I forced myself to smile a little.

"She’s okay. Not great, sure, but she’ll be fine." I replied and they both nodded, smiling.

"That’s good. Really good." Mario said, right as Andrea walked in and sat down next to me, handing me a bottle of water.

"Charles? Hey… how’s Lizzie? I heard she’s in the hospital?" Fabrizio asked, sitting down next to me.

"Yeah, they had to make some more tests, it wasn’t just a little bump after all. But she’s okay." I said again, feeling the bile rise up my throat.

"Yeah? That’s good. I’m glad to hear that." he gently patted my arm and I nodded.

"Yeah, it is." I pressed out, gulping down some water, while Andrea nudged my thigh a little, smiling at me.

"Alright everyone. There’s not much to debrief tonight. We had a fantastic weekend with the best possible result. Tyre degradation was working in our favour this weekend, but it’s still one of our main problems. Also the reliability of some components. But we know now that Red Bull is beatable. It was a tough battle, but in the end we can all celebrate Carlos’ first win now!" Mattia said and I looked first at him, then at Carlos. Big smile on his face. His father and cousin smiling at him looking all proud, his mechanics cheering, beer bottles getting passed along. Everyone started to chat. And I sat there. Looking at Mattia. Laughing and joking with Sainz senior. I felt anger rising up. This was the important debrief I had to attend. The debrief that made me leave Lizzie behind. Alone. No.

"That’s it?" I asked loudly and the room fell silent "That’s the race debrief? That’s all you have to say?"

"What else is there to say?" Mattia looked at me as I got up.

"This is why I left my girlfriend alone in the hospital after someone sent her straight into a wall?" my voice was trembling with anger but he didn’t say anything.

"Charles…" Andrea began but I shook my head, walking towards the door where Mattia stood with Carlos, his father and cousin.

"Congratulations Carlos. Congratulations Matti, it looks like you finally got your long awaited Santander win." I said, then I walked out, Andrea following me.

"Hey my pretty girl, how are you?" Charles asked when he walked inside and I shrugged my shoulders a little.

"I don’t know. It’s weird… I didn’t know that I was pregnant… I just-…" I stopped. Looking at my hands. Not sure what to say and what to feel.

"Lizzie? Hey… it’s okay. Whatever you feel is okay. You can talk to me. Or not. Whatever you need now… just don’t push me away entirely, okay?" Charles took my hand in his and kissed my knuckles, smiling at me "We’re in this together. You and me. Okay?"

"When we talked about us having kids… I didn’t thought about the when… one day sure… but now? I don’t think I would’ve been ready… it would’ve meant giving up my career? Everything I fought so hard for? It’s selfish to think like that… I know… but- but I think I’m relieved that I lost it? I’m a horrible person for thinking that way, I know! But it’s just… I don’t know… I’m sorry." I whispered, not able to look at him, knowing that he would be shocked and hurt by my words.

"Can you please look at me?" he asked me gently and I looked up "It’s not selfish to want this chance, this opportunity not to end. I know how hard it was for you to make it into Formula 1. I know the blood, sweat and tears you invested. And it doesn’t make you a horrible person… because last night? I saw how sorry you were. And how much it hurt you… you don’t have to feel sorry, okay?"

"It’s just so weird. Because although I’m relieved… I’m also sad? This little bean? That was us. You and I. And it was in me. It was a part of me, unknowingly, but still. And now it’s gone. And I’m not sure if I’m even allowed to feel sad? Because I didn’t want it in the first place?" Charles wiped away my tears and leaned his forehead against mine.

"You can feel every way you want to… you can be sad. Mad. Frustrated. Confused. Relieved. It’s okay. It’s a lot to process. But at the end of the day, it’s only important that you know that it’s all going to be okay. I’m with you. Always. And the next time a little bean is growing in your belly? Maybe then is the time for us to be happy. To be excited. But we have time. As much time as you need." he whispered and I nodded slowly.

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Always find the right words? Always know what to say? Always know what to do? How are you so perfect?" I smiled and he chuckled.

"It’s easy. I do it for you. And you’re perfect. You deserve only the best. That means that I have to be the best. So I’m trying my best…"

"You’re succeeding."

Charles POV:

I left Lizzie’s room when her doctor and a nurse came to do some final tests. I took the elevator downstairs. The silence in the confined room was deafening. Lizzie’s words still echoing in my mind. She felt relieved. Relieved that she lost our baby. Our baby. I took a deep breath. The bell signalling the doors opening. I looked up when a nurse wheeled in a young woman, baby in her arms. I swallowed hard, stepping aside. I watched the young mother gently stroking the cheek of her newborn. Kissing the baby’s forehead. A void inside of me opening. A cold numbness overcoming me. I didn’t know how to feel. Sad? Mad? Relieved? Confused? Frustrated? Overwhelmed? From everything a little? I flinched when the baby started to cry. I watched how the young mother cradled her little bundle of joy closer to her chest, softly cooing, trying to calm down her most prized possession. I stepped out of the elevator as soon as the doors opened and just started walking, no idea where I would go.

I found a quiet seating area and sat down. My mind reeling. I had no right to be mad at Lizzie. It was her body. Her choice. She would have to end her career. Not me. She would be the one carrying the baby for the next nine months. Not me. I understood her. Of course I did. But still. The thought of this tiny little bean. This tiny little something. A mix of us. Something we created through our love. To hear that she felt relieved that it was gone hurt for some reason. Like hell. After a while I checked the time, realising that I was sitting there for almost 20 minutes and got up, went back to Lizzie’s room. Putting on a brave smile. A reassuring one. I had to be strong now. And supportive. What happened didn’t happen to me, but to Lizzie. And I had to be strong now. For her.

"The cramping usually stops within a day, maybe two. You can take painkillers. It’s normal that there might be some light bleeding or spotting for the next 4 to 6 weeks. You should see your ob-gyn in around two weeks and they may do an ultrasound exam or other tests to make sure all the tissue has passed. Also no heavy lifting. And no sexual intercourse for the next one, better two weeks…" the nurse said and Lizzie nodded.

"Oh don’t worry, we don’t want another accident happen so soon." she joked half heartedly and I groaned. Accident.

"Can you maybe not make these kind of jokes just now…" I let out, harsher than intended, and she looked up from her bag, eyes wide.

"I’m sorry." she whispered, looking back down, her shoulders visible tensing.

"No… I’m sorry." I gently took her hand in mine but she pulled away.

"I’m ready, we can go… thank you for everything." Lizzie grabbed her bag and smiled at the nurse. I wanted to take her bag but she already started walking out the room.

"Fuck…" I muttered under my breath "Thank you!" I nodded at the nurse, following Lizzie, who was almost at the elevator "Lizzie wait…" I called after her "Hey! Cara mia, give me your bag."

"I’m fine..." she whispered, turning away.

"Lizzie, please. Give me your bag." I repeated, but she shook her head, still not looking at me.

"I’ll be in the car on the weekend. I can carry my bag." she said right as the elevator doors opened.

"I know that you can, but you don’t have to. So please, cara mia." I almost pleaded but Lizzie was stubborn and carried her bag all the way to the car and from the car back to our hotel room as well.

"I already packed your suitcase last night, I just left some clothes for the flight out… I hope what I picked was okay?" I said to her and she only nodded, grabbing the clothes and then disappeared in the bathroom. I heard the shower going and could’ve sworn that I heard Lizzie sob "Cara mia? Are you okay?" I knocked on the door.

"Yeah. I’ll hurry, don’t worry." her voice confirmed my suspicion, she was crying.

"Lizzie, can I come in?" I said gently.

"I’m okay, Charles. Just give me a minute."

I sighed and sat down on the bed, thinking about what I did.

"You can go now if you want…" Lizzie said and I flinched, she stood in front of me, fully dressed, her hair wrapped in a towel.

"Can we talk about what happened?" I tried it again but Lizzie walked away.

"There is nothing to talk and if you want to take a shower you need to hurry up, the car is here in 20 minutes." she sat down at the table and began to blow dry her hair and I sighed, knowing that I wouldn’t get her to talk. At least not now. Defeated I grabbed my stuff and want to the bathroom, not without looking at Lizzie once more. Her shoulders slumped, eyes trained down to the floor. Great fucking job, Charles.

I called Julie, silently begging that she would answer the call immediately.

"Lizzie, hey! How are you?" Julie sounded worried.

"I’m fine. Really." I said although I didn’t felt like it.

"Okay… if I can do anything, just let me know, okay?"

"Actually, there is something you can do…" I said, taking a deep breath.

"Yeah, sure, everything."

"Can you book a room for me in Japan?" I asked.

"It’s already booked… Mia sent me the details…" she sounded confused.

"No… umm- a room… for me. Just me."

Silence.

"Okay… whatever you want…" Julie said after a while.

"Thank you… see you in Suzuka…" I hung up and finished my hair, pulling it up into a messy bun right when Charles came out of the bathroom, packing away his things "Ready? Joris texted me that the driver is here."

"Umm yeah. Sure. Let’s go…" Charles replied and grabbed his bag, as well as mine. I cocked an eyebrow but he shook his head "Just let me carry it, okay?"

"Okay…" I mumbled and we left the room, meeting up with Joris. I didn’t listen to anything they were saying and just wanted to get into the plane, put my head down and sleep. Or at least try to. I was never really a fan of sleeping on the plane but maybe after last night sleep would find me easily.

"Cara mia?" I heard Charles whisper and opened my eyes "We landed."

"Already?" I yawned and he nodded.

"You were gone the moment you sat down." Charles smiled and I stretched a little.

"Okay…" I got up and grabbed my bag, following Charles out of the plane and all the way through to the arrival hall, where already a bunch of fans were waiting for us, mostly Charles, but still. I smiled for as many selfies as possible, signed stuff and thanked the fans for coming although I was more than exhausted. Light cramps made me flinch a little and I felt how I had to force my smile more and more with every new selfie.

"Guys, leave Lizzie a little space to breathe. The crash is still in her bones!" Charles stepped next to me and some fans immediately took some steps back, but not all of them and with Charles now next to me, even more people swarmed us and he pulled me to his side. With Joris on my other side and some securities coming to our help, we made it outside and into our car.

"I think we really should consider hiring bodyguards for yo- for us." Charles said hastily when I glared at him.

"I was fine before you and your whole mob of fangirls came along." I said bluntly and he looked at me for a moment, as if he wanted to say something, but then he shook his head and turned to Joris.

"You have a dinner later. You have to attend. Sorry…" he said and Charles groaned.

"How much time do I have?"

"Let’s say, check in, change, go? And we still might be a little late."

"Great. Just great." Charles looked at me and I shrugged my shoulders "I don’t want to leave you alone…"

"I’m fine. In fact, I’m meeting up with Julie anyways, she wants to show me some stuff for Netflix." I lied and he nodded "I’ll go straight to her room when we arrive."

"Okay… but Lizzie? Don’t overwork yourself… the doctor said to take it a little slow. Please."

"Don’t worry, I will." I replied when our car stopped and another mass of fans was waiting "Round 2 I guess."

"How did Charles react?" Julie asked when I dropped my bag on the sofa.

"Umm… he doesn’t know." I replied and she made big eyes "It’s better like this."

"Yeah maybe, but you still should tell him that! And not just let him walk into an empty hotel room…"

"I’m going to send him a text. We need a little space. He’s hurt and mad… and it’s not because I had a miscarriage… it’s because I said that I’m relieved." I almost whispered.

"But you explained him why, right? I can’t imagine Charles being mad if he knows the reasons? It’s Charles after all?" she cocked an eyebrow as I sat down on the sofa.

"Yeah but his reaction? I- I think he’s more hurt than he wants to admit. He needs time to think about it. To process it. And he can’t do that when I’m next to him all the time." I grabbed my phone and opened a text for Charles "He will understand."

"I hope you’re right…"

I groaned, turning to switch on the nightstand lamp.

"What the actual fuck…" I muttered, the hammering at my door got even more frantic "What…" I checked the time 1:17 am. I scrambled out of the bed and walked to the door, looking through the peephole. Charles. My heart hammering in my chest.

"Open the door please, cara mia!" his voice hoarse.

"Charles? What are you doing here? At this time?" I whispered when I opened the door to let him in and he pulled me into a tight embrace.

"I hate it like this. When we’re separated! I don’t sleep well when you’re not next to me… I’m sorry that I woke you up but I just couldn’t stand being away from you for just one more minute…" Charles mumbled, his hot breath tickling my ear.

He looked tired, exhausted, something I noticed this morning as well.

"I just thought that after Singapore… you were clearly mad at me when I made that stupid joke…" I began and he cupped my cheeks.

"I know and I’m sorry. It was more that I had to wrap my head around this all for a moment and you were already joking about it… and I know that it’s just a coping mechanism… but in that moment? I thought about this little bean, our little bean, and it made me sad and hurt that you were happy that it’s gone, although I completely understood why you were relieved! And I fully support you! It’s just… I don’t know? I just needed a moment to get it all sorted out. I shouldn’t have snapped at you! I know that! And I’m so, so sorry that I did! But please understand me as well. And please don’t send me away. I don’t want to sleep without you ever again. It was horrible. I felt horrible. I need you by my side… especially here…" Charles almost whispered the last words and I realised how stupid and selfish I was.

"I’m so sorry Charles! I- I honestly didn’t even think about where we are… I just wanted to give you space and-…" I began but he silenced me with a kiss.

"I don’t ever want space from you, okay? Never. We talk. We find a solution. No one leaves." he leaned his forehead against mine "And can we please go to bed now? I’m so freaking tired…"

"Okay…" I whispered pulling him with me back into bed.

"I love you, Lizzie." Charles said after a while, holding me close to his body, his hand gently tracing my spine up and down.

"I love you too…" I tilted my head up and kissed his cheek "And I’m sorry for leaving you alone here-…"

"You don’t have to apologise, cara mia. I’m just happy to have you next to me again… it’s weird, but when you’re not next to me…"

"You can’t sleep well? It’s the same for me… I’m tossing and turning, but I don’t really sleep…" I whispered and he nodded.

"Yeah… I mean when I’m in Maranello alone, I can sleep because we talk before I go to bed? But this? When we don’t talk? I hate it…" he kissed the crown of my head "But you have to believe me, Lizzie, I wasn’t mad at you, never, okay? I just… I don’t know. The doctor said that there was a baby. Our baby. And suddenly all I ever dreamed of having was just right there in front of me… and in my mind, hearing you say that you were relieved was like saying you don’t want this. Us. I know it’s not the truth! But sometimes my mind plays these kinda tricks on me and I need a moment to sort it all out in my head. But there was not one second where I was mad at you. If I was mad, then at the situation. But nothing else, okay?"

I nodded. Wiping away a stray tear.

"We’re going to be fine. It’s all going to be okay, cara mia. You and me against the world." another kiss on my head "And now we really should sleep. We have quali today. And I don’t know about you, but I really want to wipe away that grin of some certain people’s faces…"

"Yeah… me too."

"Ryan Andrew’s, CBS. Lizzie after your crash in Singapore you seemed to be a little off the whole weekend in Japan, was the crash worse than it looked like? Was it potentially not a good idea to race?"

"Of course I still felt the crash in my bones. It was a high speed corner where I crashed out. But I was and am alright. The result in Japan had nothing to do with the crash." I lied, feeling Charles eyes on me.

"Kelly Johnson, BBC Sports. Charles, in Japan the Ferrari’s looked quite strong, after Singapore another good race for your team. Do you think you can repeat that performance this weekend?" the blonde reporter in the first row asked him.

"Yeah we did quite good, we seem to understand the car better now, so I’m hoping to see some better results in the next races."

"Michael Breitner. Auto, Motor, Sport. Question for Charles. Many people expected your contract renewal to be announced in Monza… that was now two races ago. Are the contract negotiations still going on?"

"To be honest I can’t tell you much about that. Because there is not much to say at the moment. I’m focusing on this season. Then the next season. My contractual situation is not really on my mind." Charles answered with a smile and I knew how hard it must’ve been for him to sit there and look like he was believing his own words, when inside it was killing him to not know what was going on.

"Is it possible that we might see you in a different team after next year?"

"I don’t know. In Formula 1 everything is possible as we know. Everyone knows how much I love my team and that I want to win the championship with them. But at the end of the day I just want to drive and if not at Ferrari then at any other team that believes in me. But for now I can’t talk about things this far in the future when I don’t know about them myself…"

A murmur went through the room, the heads of Max, Lewis and Nico snapping to look at Charles. To say that no one expected this answer was the understatement of the year.

"To make this clear, you do think of the possibility of leaving Ferrari for another team?"

"No. I’m not thinking of leaving Ferrari. I’m saying that if Ferrari doesn’t renew my contract, then I will look for another option." the smile he forced out looked almost painful and when the press conference was over and we left, I pulled Charles with me.

"They’re persistent, no?" he chuckled bitterly and I hugged him, massaged his scalp.

"Don’t listen to their questions. They just want to get a reaction out of you." I whispered "You will get your seat. Preferably at Ferrari, I know, but at the end of the day, seat is seat, okay?"

"Yeah… you’re right."

"Now come on. Let’s finish up and then cool down in our huge bathtub…" I kissed his cheek and pulled away, before he pulled me back in and kissed me tenderly.

"Better?" I laughed when he let go of me.

"Better."

I stopped the car and switched everything off, leaning my head back. Worst race ever. I opened up the visor, hoping for some cold and fresh air to stream in just to be greeted with the searing hot air of Qatar. I was never this happy that a race weekend was over. After taking a few shallow breaths, I tried to get out of the car. The struggle was real. My knees were wobbly. I clipped out the steering wheel and put it on the hood of my car, trying to pull myself up but failed miserably.

"Come here, cara mia." I heard Charles faint voice and looked up. He gently grabbed me by the waist, pulling me out of the cockpit, then sat me down on the halo, clipping my steering wheel back in place.

"Thank you, Charlie." I whispered, fighting with the straps of my helmet.

"Let me…" he said, unbuckling the clasp, pulling my helmet off "Hey pretty girl." he pulled my balaclava off next, wiping my sweaty hair out of my face.

"Hot. So freaking hot." I pressed out, pushing off of the halo, trying to cautiously slip off and take a first step, just to be caught by Charles "Fuck." I breathed out.

"You’re done…" he said, picking me up, holding me tight. He carried me bridal style into the cold hospitality, sitting me down on the floor "You’re totally overheated, Lizzie."

"My water was gone after the first couple of minutes already." I whispered, leaning my head against the cold wall.

"Here." Andrea appeared next to us, handing me a water bottle.

"I can’t. Need to go to weighing first." my voice barely above a whisper.

"It’s okay…" I heard an F1 official say and Charles unscrewed the cap of the bottle, holding it to my mouth, the moment the cold water streamed down my throat I let out a quiet moan.

"Stop making these noises for everyone to hear… only I’m allowed to hear that…" he chuckled underneath his breath and I managed a little smirk.

"Sorry…" I whispered "Is everyone okay? I’m not the only one who’s this done, or am I?"

"You’re definitely not." Pierre sank down next to leaning his head against the cold wall "Almost everyone is done for."

"Can we please never race here again." I sighed a little.

"Yeah… I would vote against it as well." Pierre whispered, his head on my shoulder.

"Me too." George plopped down on the floor in front of us, shuffling down his race suit "That’s just too much heat."

"Well… as director of the GPDA, take matters into your hands." I chuckled and he laughed.

"Later. For now I just need a moment to cool down."

"Same, same."

The room felt warm and welcoming, the yellow walls washing a sense of calm over me, only the smell of the disinfection spray didn’t fit in. When the door opened Charles squeezed my hand and smiled at me.

"Miss Doetterer. I only have good news for you. The tissue passed completely. Your blood values look good, same for everything else. Light bleeding or spotting in the next 2-3 weeks are normal, nothing to worry about." Dr. Bernard said.

"So it’s all good?" I asked and he nodded.

"Yes. It’s all good." he repeated and I took a deep breath in.

"Thanks, Dr. Bernard." Charles shook his hand and I did the same.

"I think that’s it for today. There’s only one thing left to say for me. Good luck in Mexico." Dr. Bernard smiled and we nodded, leaving his office.

"I’d say let’s grab something to eat and then head home, the car will pick us up pretty damn early." Charles opened the door for me and I slipped in "What do you want to eat?"

"I would love a pizza…" I mumbled and he chuckled.

"Pizza it is. I’m not telling JK if you’re not telling Andrea."

"That sounds like a deal!" I leaned back and watched the busy streets of Monaco, all the young families with their babies in the most beautiful and stylish strollers "I never noticed how many babies there are in Monaco." I almost whispered and Charles took my hand in his.

"One day, cara mia. Don’t worry… the time for our little family starting to grow will come." he kissed the back of my hand and I turned a little, looking at him "There’s still enough time. Maybe enough for the both of us to win a title."

"You will win a title sooner than later… me on the other hand? Not so sure, but I sure as hell keep trying."

"No no, our baby will have world champion parents." Charles sounded determined and I laughed.

"Our baby will have one definite world champion parent and one maybe world champion parent… let’s be realistic."

"I am!"

"Okay… whatever you say."

"But until then it’s quite a long way."

"The only way I’m caring about right now is the one to Antonio’s!" I pouted a little when my stomach grumbled.

"Got you. Less talking. More driving."

"Exactly." I laughed again.

"I’m just wondering… you get already really grumpy when you’re hungry just now… but when a tiny human is growing inside you?" Charles raised his eyebrows.

"Good that you’re a fast driver then…"

Chapter 40 - some of you have guessed it 😔 I really hope I could describe the feelings and it all as natural and real as possible… the chapter feels a little rushed towards the end, but I didn’t want to put too much in it… especially now that the triple header is right around the corner and A LOT is about to happen 👀

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