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lucysuniverse · 3 years

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Camellia

Isn’t Adachi Yuto just the purest and cutest boy alive? Just like a Camellia. This story was inspired by the song Camellia on Pentagon’s first full album The Black Hall. Since Yuto wrote the lyrics I immediately thought that this is a story which belongs to him.

Hope you’ll like it :)

Pairing: Yuto x OC/reader

Genre: cute, fluff, romance, angst

Word count: 5,046 _________________________________

‘I noticed that you are always drawing this flower.’

‘Huh?’

And he stopped for a second when I said this. Like a child, like he didn’t even know what he was doing until this point, he started to analyze his own drawing like he has never seen something like this before.

‘Sorry, I didn’t want to disturb you. Just go on. I’ll be going then.’

And I wanted to leave the class. It was always like this. I wanted to approach him, but he was shy or maybe he didn’t want to talk to me, I don’t know what the reason was, but it never worked out. It was impossible to get close to him. I gave up.

‘It’s a camellia. Queen of winter flowers.’

‘I see. It’s beautiful.’

And I didn’t want more. I was already satisfied with this short answer. It meant literally everything. Ever since he joined our class I was hoping for a little interaction. I was hoping for a secret glance, for a little sign of interest. Not only towards me. He was always alone, he was always wearing black, he was always listening to music. And he always seemed sad. I just wanted to hug him. To see him smile. Once, only once. That was all I wanted. But now as he was talking about his drawing, for the first time he seemed comfortable and relaxed. He was totally different. I just hoped other people could see this side of him too.

‘If you are interested, I can tell you the legend of camellia.’

He was again shy, but he made the first step. And I wanted to get to know this Yuto more than everything.

‘I am all ears.’

***

‘Class! Can I have your attention please? I would like to introduce you your new classmate, Adachi Yuto. He and his family has just recently moved to Korea, please make sure to help him, and involve him in our everyday life so that he can adapt fast and comfortably to this new situation. Yuto-ya do you want to tell something about yourself? Why don’t you introduce yourself?’

‘Hi my name is Yuto. Nice to meet you.’

That was the very first time I heard him talking. He was insecure and quiet, but something about his looks and voice made me go insane. These two short sentences made me so awake like I was never before. Usually I was bored during classes. Either sleeping or talking with others, these were my top activities. Classes were usually boring, or at least I already knew what was about to happen. American Civil War? Boring. Colonization? Been discussed hundred times before. Maths? Will we draw triangles in real life just to prove that Pythagoras was right? Duh, no. BORING.

But he was something else. He was mysterious, and I wanted to know everything about him. Where has he lived in Japan, what are his parents like? Does he have siblings? Are they also gifted by these genes? Suddenly school became the most interesting thing in my life.

In the class I was the tallest girl. I didn’t really hate my height but I was used to sit in the last row, have only shorter friends than me, and of course I was always the one asked to turn on the projector, or lift down the boxes from the shelves. It wasn’t bad but sometimes it gave me hard times. The prom was nearing as we were in our last year of school and there was literally no one who would want to dance with me. And this was only based on height. Most of the boys didn’t like tall girls. If a girl is same height as them then how can they show their manly side? Bullshit.

But for the first time on that lovely October Monday I was proud to be tall. It was good to sit in the last row, and I didn’t mind that I haven’t had a partner for the prom. Once he stepped in our class, everything has changed. He was my hope. He was handsome, tall and seemingly a good person. What gave me this feeling? I can’t really describe I just looked at him and couldn’t imagine him being anything else.

‘Are you really two years older than us?’

One of the cool guys asked. There was a complete squad of them. They would bully you for everything possible and I already felt like this question is not leading us in the right way.

‘Yes, I was born in the Year of Ox*.’

‘What? Is that 3 years then? HAHA. What a loser. Did you fail 3 times?’

‘No it’s just…’

‘Why do you think you’ll pass in Korea if you failed already 3 times. Are you looking down on our country? Just because you are a foreigner it won’t be easier for you.’

*Year of Ox: February 7, 1997 - January 27 (yes Kino too), 1998

’Kim Jae Hyun that will be enough. Yuto please sit down, there is an empty place for you in the last row. Huh, okay we are done with the introduction and now let’s move on with our topic…’

And Ms. Choi stopped for a second before she said it out loud.

‘Japanese invasion of Korea.’

‘Teacher I thought this is history class, why are we talking about our present.’

And they were looking all at Yuto. Challengingly like they have to fight for privileges, like they were afraid the new kid will take their position. How could he? It could be seen that Yuto wasn’t the type of guy who was eager to be the cool guy in class. He would never show off or throw a fit just to be popular. I was getting angry.

‘Kim Jae Hyun. Shut your mouth finally, will you?’ I said tempered.

‘Oh Lady Protector. Why don’t you mind your own business? Do you have to interfere all the time? Did you fall for Mr. Japan so easily? What a basic-‘

‘ENOUGH. Kim Jae Hyun you go to the director’s office. NOW.’

‘Conversation. Teacher this is what I wanted to say. Basic conversation. Nothing else why should I ?’

‘I said NOW. Don’t make me tell you once again.’

And seemingly Ms. Choi hoped that introducing a new classmate won’t be so hard, but her predictions might have fooled her. Now she turned to me.

‘You. I’ll let it slip for now. But I don’t want you to raise your voice in my class anymore, understood?’

‘Yes, Ms. Choi. I am sorry.’ ‘I’ll go with Jaehyun will be back in 5 mins. I don’t wanna hear any noise.’

Oh, I think I missed out something important. I am the president of class. So most of the times I was in charge of keeping the class organized or even making sure they won’t cause a complete disaster when there is no teacher around. Anyone can tell my life is full of happiness and unexpected surprises. Thankfully after they’ve left nobody dared to talk. Jaehyun’s bad guy squad was powerless without him. If the leader was not around, they were just shy bunnies.

Yuto’s table was on my right side but I was afraid to look in his direction. What could he feel, what could he think about our class? I was so ashamed. Those stupid idiots ruined everything.

***

Thanks to that idiot flower boy Kim Jae Hyun, Yuto became a ghost in our class. He was always present, but always somewhere far away. He always arrived in the last second and left as soon as the classes were over. After that terrible introduction day nobody was nagging him, and even if they tried, he would just ignore them. He was always alone, he had always his headphones on and he seemed lonely.

As we were sitting next to each other I was always cautiously glancing over his table during the classes wondering what he is up to. And most of the times he was drawing. It was always the same. A flower. I was not really familiar with the types, but it was always the same flower. Seemingly it could have a special meaning to him.

After the class ended, he was about to go but I gathered all my courage to ask him about the drawing. Previously I tried to talk to him, but seemingly he wasn’t the type to like small talks. He always replied but would never ask back. He kept it short and simply. I couldn’t build up a conversation. But that afternoon everything has changed.

‘I noticed that you are always drawing this flower.’

‘Huh?’

‘Sorry, I didn’t want to disturb you. Just go on. I’ll be going then.’

But after a little hesitation he continued.

‘It’s a camellia. Queen of winter flowers.’

‘I see. It’s beautiful.’

‘If you are interested, I can tell you the legend of camellia.’

‘I am all ears.’

And after 23 days of silence and no contact we were talking like we’ve always known each other. Actually, we were so immersed in our conversation that we even forgot about the drawing. Yuto was actually a cool guy. If you got to know him, he was so much different from the first predictions. He still wasn’t egoistic or rude, but he had great goals and plans in life, he was honest and on top of that talented. When I got to know he raps, sings, and dances I was taken a back.

‘Why didn’t you tell anyone in the class? They would love it I am sure.’

‘Well, I don’t think it is a good idea.’ He said shyly.

And then I realized. He didn’t want to show his true colors because others would criticize him, they would nag and bully. And what he had was already more than enough.

‘Anyways thank you for sharing. Even if the others seem to be distant, they are, I mean most of them, are good people. They just need time to welcome you in the class. But you’ll become the part of this class. I’ll make sure. Until then you can count on me. The class president is always here for you. ‘

And I couldn’t believe my eyes, but he was smiling. SMILING. And it was the most beautiful and purest smile I’ve ever seen. I wish I could tell him how beautiful it was, how that smile made my heart skip a beat. How much I needed it in my life. Definitely he should have smiled more.

Starting from that afternoon our relationship was slowly but surely becoming a friendship. We got closer and closer. And I fell in love with him. I always adored his looks but this time it was different. First, he was just a good-looking guy. Objectively looking at him nobody could tell otherwise. He was indeed handsome. But as soon as we started sharing stories, spending more and more time together I saw him more and more beautiful. For others he might not be the most amazing guy, but for me, he was. He is.

Others have also noticed this because my friends started nagging me. ‘When will you finally ask him to dance with you?’ ‘Is he such a coward that he will not ask you out?’ And I was always politely telling everyone that there is no such thing that we are becoming a couple. But inside it did hurt. Because I wanted to be together with him. I wanted it more than anything.

***

As the prom was just around the corner a lot of things happened to our class. We were preparing a lot of things. Decorations, a little campaign, a dance performance even. Yuto tried to hide the fact that he could dance but once he was chosen to be the center he couldn’t run away. Slowly but after passed he got accepted in our class. My friends really loved him (of course they might have seen how I was head over heels for him), other girls had a crush on him, and the guys respected him. Most of them. But not the cool gang. Kim Jae Hyun and his squad has been turned down. They no longer had power. They’ve been dethroned. I was so happy about Yuto finally becoming the part of our class. He fought his war, but he did succeed. And others had to accept it. Seemingly they did. But it was not yet over.

The representative election was one of the most important events before the prom. Every class should vote for two class representatives, usually for a boy and a girl. The chosen ones would have the honor to give a speech at the prom and at the graduation ceremony. There was literally no one who wouldn’t want to do it. Not because they were so grateful towards each other. But it looked nice in university applications.

Even though everyone was interested there were requirements which you should meet for the applications. You should have had good marks, a recommendation letter from one of our teachers and of course the votes from the class. And that was the hardest to get.

I knew I had higher chances since I had good grades and I was the class president but still I didn’t want to take it for granted. I wanted to work hard, and honestly wanted to have a fair election. My friends were so cute they kept on telling me that I will be chosen but I ignored all these comments. I didn’t want to have high hopes.

Out of the boys I didn’t know who the candidates could be. Yuto was becoming more and more popular but still he didn’t have these kinds of ambitions. Jae Hyun had these ambitions though, but he was losing his popularity recently. Therefore, on the day when they announced the results, I was extremely nervous. I couldn’t stand the idea of working together with Jae Hyun. And I was already way to excited to give a graduation speech alongside Yuto. But then something unexpected happen like it never did before.

‘Congratulations you are the class representative of Year 2019/2020.’

I was so shocked. I mean deep inside I was hoping for this, but I never knew that my whole class would choose me. I had friends and nobody hated me, still it was surprising I was moved by this. But still there was a question without an answer.

‘Ohm sorry but, who is the other representative?’ I asked with a slight hesitation.

‘This year you are the only one chosen. Congrats you are the classes favorite, still you can choose someone to give the speech with, if you want to.’

Of course, I wanted to. There was no doubt. I thought it is happening finally. Yuto might be shy but maybe I can convince him. It worked out great previously and he became loved and popular in our class. I wanted to help him. The other day when we were talking, he told me why he could not graduate earlier. And once I realized and knew the background, I just wanted to help him more to achieve his dreams.

After the class I wanted to ask him to be the other representative with me but seemingly he had to go. I was running out of the school when I found him standing next to two other guys. Both of them were smaller than him. But they looked around his age. When I saw them, I stopped running; I didn’t want to disturb them. It was so easy to see that they were his teammates.

‘Yutoooo.’ The smaller guy said with a childlike excitement. He seemed super hyper. But had such a positive vibe. It seemed he truly liked Yuto. Looking at him once again he might have been older than Yuto and the third guy.

‘How was it?’ The third guy asked. He was such a fashionista. Cool clothes with accessories and even his presence was shouting for attention. But when I looked at his face, I realized how sensitive he could be.

‘It was okay. Huh?’ And in that moment, he noticed me. I didn’t want to be uncovered, but it was so satisfying to meet idols I couldn’t help but stay there watching them. I guess I even blushed.

‘Oh, hi!’ I said quietly. And even though I was loud person in that situation I felt so small for some reason.

‘What are you doing here? Is something wrong?’ Yuto asked worriedly.

‘Oh… oh no… nothing specific I just…’ and then I stopped.

I looked at the two other guys and the timing didn’t seem perfect. Should I really ask him in front of his teammates?

‘Are you sure you are okay?’ He asked again.

‘Oh yeah, uhm there is something I want to ask from you. Can we talk tomorrow afternoon? I’ll be waiting next to the library.’

‘Okay. Ohm sorry but we gotta go now.’

‘Sure, sure. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

‘See ya.’

And I turned around and realized how my pulse was in the heights. I was literally dying. And it was getting worse when I heard them leaving.

‘Is she your girlfriend? She is cute.’ The older guy said. And then added with his playful voice a bit like nagging. ‘Yuto has a girlfriend, Yuto has a girlfriend.’ And then returned to his original self. ‘Next time you should introduce us.’

‘Okay hyung.’

‘Does she know where you are going now?’ The other guy asked now.

‘Uhm, yeah I think she does.’

‘So, you talked about becoming an idol but you didn’t introduce us?’

‘No need for nagging. Yuto had a though day.’ The smallest guy said.

‘Thank you hyung.’ Yuto said appreciatively.

But he hasn’t finished.

‘But even on though days you should have introduced the leader of your group.’

‘What and what about the dancing machine then? Hyung aren’t you a bit too much?’

‘Okay, okay. I am just joking.’

And that was the last I could hear. They’ve left. It was so good to see that there were people like them around Yuto. It seemed like they were a good team.

I was slowly going home, and I was still thinking about him. How he could practice at 8. How he is joking with those two. How he is immersed in their music. It was a lovely thought. But someone had to ruin it again. It was Kim Jae Hyun. When I opened the text message, I couldn’t really understand what was going on.

‘Hey, can we meet tomorrow after class? I have something to tell you.’

And I was hesitating to answer him, but usually even to those Kim Jae Hyun types I couldn’t say so I answered:

‘Please keep it short I have already had plans, for the afternoon.’

‘Okay, I’ll be straightforward.’

Straightforward? What is wrong with this guy? Anyhow I didn’t bother to analyse this conversation I could finally return to my original thoughts. I was daydreaming and had all the possible scenarios and answers in my head, what Yuto could answer on the next day. While playing with the thoughts I didn’t even realise that it was already 7.20 and I was late for school.

In the end I was just on time and managed to arrive before the class started. Yuto was also arriving in the same time. We were always nice with each other but today he seemed nicer and more polite than usual.

The whole day I was freaking nervous I couldn’t concentrate. I wanted to finally just tell him that freaking question. Let out of my chest and just move on. I was so nervous I was kind of reconsidering the whole thing and deciding to give the speech alone.

After the last class ended, I was heading to the library directly. I didn’t see Yuto that much on this day, and even our last class was separated so I was so much waiting to finally see him. When a tall guy in our uniform has finally appeared on the corner, I was already so happy. But it wasn’t him unfortunately.

‘Where were you?’ Kim Jae Hyun asked.

Shit. I completely forgot about it.

‘Oh sorry. What did you wanted to share?’

‘I like you.’

‘Pffff. HAHAHAHA. Come on Jae Hyun I have better things to do.’

‘No, I am serious. I like you. I was rude and distant because I liked you. But I realized it is not working on you. So now I am confessing my feelings. Also, can you please be my partner for the prom?’

What the actual heck? I was so shocked I couldn’t give him an answer or even react. And as I didn’t do anything, I saw him reaching out to my hands. And in that second, I heard a small noise from the right side. It was Yuto. He was staring at us, while holding a paper in his hands. His eyes were the saddest things I saw in my life. Betrayal. Disappointment. Sorrow. It was all over written in his eyes. In the end he just turned around and the paper just slowly falling out of his hands reaching the floor.

‘Yuto, wait.’ And I wanted to go after him but Jae Hyun was grabbing my wrist tighter than before.

‘Mr. Japan will not comeback.’

‘What?’

‘I made sure that he will see us like this today.’

‘How could you?’

‘It is so obvious that you fell for him and I even heard yesterday when you told him to meet you here. But I must be the other representative.’

‘You are so disgusting. I’ll never choose you as a partner.’

‘Oh, you will, otherwise I’ll make sure your precious Mr. Japan will not be able to graduate this year.’

And suddenly I was getting scared of him. He was grabbing my stronger, it hurt. He pushed me to the wall and was leaning closer. I didn’t know what he wanted to do but my tears were already flowing on my cheeks.

‘Oh a little crying won’t work on me, I’ll not let you go until you promise me to nominate as the other representative.’

And I was just about to agree and promise him, but in that second finally my wrist was free and I was no longer captured by his suffocating presence.

‘Don’t you dare put your hands on her.’ Yuto said.

‘Oh lovely Mr. Japan came back as a savior.’

But he couldn’t finish his sentence cause in that second Yuto punched him in his face. I was so shocked. It was too much going on in that past 10 minutes.

‘How dare you frighten her? Don’t you ever come near her. Understood?’

And this was the very first time I saw this part of Yuto. I couldn’t find words. Does he also have a side like this? A protective bit aggressive side?

Jae Hyun must have understood but unfortunately Ms. Choi has just appeared on the scene and I knew this is not going to bring anything good.

‘What is going on?’ She asked angrily.

‘Teacher, I just…’ Yuto started. He was again back to his usual calm and shy self.

‘This jerk hit me. He needs to be punished.’ Jae Hyun added.

I was so pissed. How can he even now pretend that he is the victim?

‘Yuto is it true?’

‘Yes, teacher.’ He answered calmly.

‘Oh, and what are you doing here?’ She asked me.

‘I-I’ And I couldn’t find the words. It was just too much.

‘Jae Hyun was threatening her, teacher.’ Yuto answered.

‘Really?’

And instead of answering I just nodded. Ms. Choi just sighed.

‘Are you okay?’

‘Yes, Ms. Choi.’ I answered still a bit dizzy from nervousness.

‘Alright. You two are coming with me.’ And the boys and the teacher were leaving.

I was still unconscious due to the sudden happenings. I was hoping that Yuto will not get in big trouble because of me, but I just couldn’t wait for him I wanted to leave school as soon as possible. As I was leaving, I saw that paper on the floor which Yuto was holding earlier. I slowly picked it up and actually didn’t want to read it but once I saw my name on it I couldn’t stop myself.

Do you still remember how it started? You asked about the camellia. And I promised to tell you the story. But as time passed, we had so many things to share with each other the flower and its story faded away. I finally gathered some courage to write this letter. I am sorry to make you wait. You must have had a hard time. We both knew what was going on, but I wasn’t ready to tell you. I am so sorry about that.

Why always camellia? It reminds me of a lot of special memories. It is one of the most common flowers in our country. It made me feel like I was home. The legend says the camellia blossoms only in special circumstances in given times but once it blooms it is the most beautiful one of them all. In the past months you were the one ensuring the special circumstances for me. Without you I couldn’t become popular and loved. You made me feel like a camellia. You made me feel at home. You don’t know how much grateful I am for that.

We are working on our album now, and I was thinking about how I could tell you all the feelings I feel right now. I am usually not a very talkative type, so I chose my own way. I hope you’ll like it.

‘The times spent with you, became beautiful memories’ ‘Collecting our beautiful stories, When the camellia blossoms, I want to call you’

What do you think? How about spending more beautiful times together creating many more beautiful memories?

Yuto

I couldn’t stop myself anymore. This whole day was just too much to process. My tears started to flow. I couldn’t really describe why I was crying. Happiness? Relief? Being moved? Maybe all of these and more. It was such an overwhelming feeling. And finally, I had my answers. Why he was not making any steps. He still needed time. But in his own way he was continuously telling me how he cherished our relationship.

Without even realizing a half hour passed and I heard steps from the end of the corner. I hoped nobody would notice me, but it didn’t work out unfortunately. With my still teary eyes I tried to recognize the silhouette of the nearing person. But once I heard his voice, I felt an oddly calm feeling getting over my body.

‘Are you okay?’ He asked.

‘Yuto. I am … He is…’

‘I know. I heard it. I am sorry I left I should have protected you and avoid this to happen.’

‘No. You did all you could.’

And suddenly there was a silence between us. I was scared to bring it up, but I need it to hear it with my own ears.

‘Is this really have you feel?’

And I was still holding on to that sheet of paper like it was the most precious thing in my life. (Most likely it was).

And instead of answering he just looked at me shyly and nodded. And at that point I couldn’t hold it back I hugged him as tight as possible. He wrapped his arms around me, and I was drowning in that feeling. It felt like homecoming. I was leaning my head on his and once I felt his hands stroking my hair, I knew he was my safe place, my secret hideaway.

It was dreamlike, we were just standing in the empty school, but we were in our own universe. Like he wanted to calm me down he placed a soft kiss on my forehead, and I was already blushing. But just as I said Yuto was a mystery. After so many times passed, I would never think, he would show me his passionate side. The romantic side of him which was longing for an honest talk, for a hug, for a kiss.

It was so insane. How could he be so powerful and strong when it comes to protecting me, and how can he be so gentle when I am in his arms? Why do I forget everything when I am with him? Why do I want to give up on everything for him? His every touch was like a spell. My lips were tingling, and my body was trembling from amazement. I had a lot of plans and goals, but in that moment when I was with him, when I felt him, suddenly I could forget about the university applications and everything. Only we existed.

‘I’ll protect you from now on.’ He whispered in my ears. ‘Shall we go now?’

And he was reaching out for my hands. So, we were walking out hand in hand.

‘There is something I should tell you. And you won’t be happy most likely.’ He said suddenly.

‘Why are you starting like this?’

‘Those two boys from yesterday. They are waiting for me, so I will have to leave. I am sorry.’

I was disappointed but it couldn’t be helped. I knew how talented he was and I wanted to support him no matter what.

‘I’ll make it up somehow.’ He promised.

Once we left school the two boys just as previously. They were standing outside waiting for Yuto.

‘Yuto-ya. Can we go now?’ The smaller guy asked.

‘Yeah, just a sec. So, let me introduce you my bandmates. This is Lee Hoetaek our Leader. He nags me all the times, but he does it out of love. Right? And this is Kang Hyunggu our dancing machine.’

‘Nice to meet you.’ I said quietly.

‘Oh, and most importantly. She is my girlfriend.’ And he was holding my hand tighter than before. He gave me a small kiss on my cheek.

‘Okay so everyone knows everyone now. We can go now.’ He said with satisfaction.

He waved goodbye and winked. Well Adachi Yuto seemingly you exactly now how to make it up.

#yuto #ptg yuto #pentagon yuto #adachi yuto #pentagon fanfic #pentagon fanfiction #universe the black hall #pentagon camellia

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

Text

Buster & Rio

Buster: Where's Nance? Buster: You had her last Rio: No idea Rio: Junior's room maybe? Buster: Cheers Rio: 👍 Rio: Any time Buster: Yeah Rio: Good talk, McKenna Buster: You wish, babe Rio: No doubt Rio: highlight of my night Buster: I know Rio: You don't need to say it Buster: You don't need to still be saying anything but you are Rio: Off you go then Buster: Make me then Rio: The reek of desperation is overpowered by your dad's cologne you clearly knicked Buster: Shame you didn't nick any lines from him 'cause yours are weak whereas he hardly ever loses an argument Rio: Come at him with the hero worship Rio: you turn my stomach without it, like Buster: He wishes Buster: And I'd have to find him first Buster: Probably hiding in the bathroom, unlucky for you Rio: Awh Rio: like father like son Buster: Fuck off Rio: No, you Rio: that's what we're doing here Buster: I'm nothing like that cunt Buster: And if that's the best you can do, give up Rio: If it didn't touch a nerve, why are you being such a pussy about it Rio: again, go convince yourself of that lie and all Rio: not what I'm here for Buster: If you were capable of touching a nerve, being convincing or telling a decent lie it'd almost be worth having you here Rio: 💔 Rio: If only I could say the same for you Buster: You can't say anything for me 'cause that'd involve speaking to me as well as about me, which you're also incapable of Rio: Why would I need to do either Rio: or wanna Buster: You tell me Buster: You're heartbroken by your own admission Rio: For you, babe, not about you Buster: You done now that's off your chest or is there more bullshit to come? Rio: You're out here begging for a reason to go Rio: not me begging you to stay Buster: I don't beg so you're gonna need a new fantasy Rio: Ha Rio: The one where you're not in my face has been a dream, honestly 💋 Buster: Yeah, I bet Buster: And if I was allowed to leave, I would Rio: Get over it Rio: Its a wedding, no one wants to be here Buster: Get over me Buster: Fucked if your parents don't but whatever Rio: They've done this many years and dramas, I doubt a real wedding will be what tips them over the edge, honey Buster: Do they need a new toaster? That could've been what swung it Rio: I hope so Rio: need one that does at least 10 slices at a time Buster: Fingers crossed someone's got 'em one that does 6 and another cunt's bought one that does 4 then Rio: Careful, that was almost like exchanging pleasantries Rio: you can admit you got them a toaster and still be a dick about it, amateur Buster: Calm down, just 'cause my name's on the card don't mean I have any fucking idea what was wrapped Rio: See Rio: such a #lad Buster: If you get excited about being in the kitchen making breakfast more fool you Rio: We all have to do it Rio: may as well do it with an all singing all dancing toaster Buster: That's your birthday present done and delivered then, babe Buster: You're welcome in advance Rio: I'll expect it and the 'Sorry I can't make it' first class Buster: 'Course Buster: I'll get your name put on it, how many slices do you personally want? Rio: 😏 Rio: Go six or go home, obviously Buster: Size matters Buster: Alright, I'll remember Rio: Girls gotta eat Buster: Especially on your birthday Buster: Still a princess then Rio: Duh Rio: Thought I'd give the tiara a miss though Buster: Shame Rio: Of course you'd think so Buster: What's that meant to mean? Rio: Sure its all foreign princesses and socialites Buster: Are you? Rio: Don't you wanna tell me it is Buster: Not really Rio: Alright Rio: I'll be sure then Buster: Good to know, like Buster: I'll see you around then Rio: at the next wedding perhaps Buster: Not if I'm old enough to not be forced to attend Rio: Unlikely Rio: someone always shacking up Buster: Yeah but in this fam they have their kids first so I've got loads of time Rio: Well Rocky just had his first so Rio: no you don't Buster: There's no way he'll stop at that one Rio: You don't have to birth your own bridal party Rio: they could do it and then have more, not a death sentence Buster: They won't though Rio: You're so clueless Buster: Fuck off Buster: I am not Rio: You are Buster: Why? Rio: Rocky isn't like the rest of this fam Rio: he's already garda Rio: why wouldn't he buck the trend there too Buster: Kids are expensive as fuck Buster: So are weddings Rio: If you're you Rio: I'm sure they'll go down the office and get it done nice and simple Buster: That ain't a wedding that's paperwork Rio: 🙄 I'm sure they'll be devastated to not meet your high standards too, McKenna Buster: You mean you'll be devastated to not see me there Buster: 'Cause there won't be the fam gathering you've got your fingers crossed that we cross paths at if they keep it cheap and simple Rio: He's enough like this family that there will still be a party at the pub Rio: don't be stupid Buster: Make your mind up, Cavante Buster: He's either one of 'em or he ain't Rio: You wish it was that simple Buster: I don't need wishes for that Buster: It is Rio: Nah Buster: Like I said, you ain't convincing Rio: Why do you want convincing so badly? Rio: Get a grip Buster: Why are you so bad at everything? Buster: You didn't used to be Rio: And my lines are weak Rio: You know nothing about me Buster: Yeah they are Buster: Hence I don't wanna know you Rio: Thank God Rio: be awkward if it wasn't mutual Buster: And this convo is awkward enough so Rio: You started it Rio: and refuse to leave it Rio: being this bad at taking hints ends up in prison sentences, like Buster: You can leave Buster: There isn't a literal door that you need me to hold open or shut in your face Buster: Take the hints yourself Rio: This is my inbox Rio: so why should I Rio: literally fuck off Buster: 'Cause you want it so badly apparently Buster: Why haven't you blocked me years back? Rio: In case I need a kidney? Buster: You ain't having mine even if there's nobody else to ask Buster: So you can go ahead and do it now Rio: Why Rio: You're so crap at this Buster: You won't miss me when we can no longer chat then Rio: I'm not petty, I don't block Buster: You're a glutton for punishment Buster: I'll bear that in mind Rio: You wish you had any kind of effect on me Buster: I don't need to wish for that either Rio: Still do though Buster: You wish Rio: Obviously Buster: Yeah obviously Rio: What do you want Buster: From you or from tonight or from life in a more general sense, like? Buster: What do you mean? Rio: Oh my God Rio: are you a philosophical drunk now Buster: Get me a drink, we'll find out Rio: Are you going to get me one Buster: It's your house and I'm the guest Buster: Don't be rude Rio: For what Rio: I don't need to hear what you pass off as wisdom Buster: Fine, don't Rio: They're free, don't act offended Buster: I'm offended by the gesture, or lack of, not the prize tag Rio: Yeah well back at you then? Buster: Fuck it I need to find Nance anyway Buster: You've done me a favour with your lack of manners Rio: Awh, you gonna tell her you love her Buster: Why would I lie to her face? Buster: Not very nice Rio: You aren't Rio: but you are pissed Buster: Me and the majority of the people here Buster: Probably wanna start now if you wanna tell 'em all too Rio: Exactly Rio: can't you just feel the love Buster: Nah Rio: Are you surprised Buster: Ain't the word for it Rio: Shouldn't be Rio: reap what you sow Buster: Cheers Rio: What, you really thought I'd be nice to you Buster: I didn't think about you, babe Buster: Other than that you could potentially know where my sister is Rio: Yeah right Buster: Yeah right Rio: Leave her alone Buster: Shut up Buster: I do what I want Rio: She's had enough of you Rio: and you're at my house so have some manners Buster: She's more than capable of telling me that herself along with anything else Buster: It's nothing to do with you Rio: Well she doesn't need to because you already know Buster: Like I said, stay out of it Buster: You're not fighting her battles for her Rio: No, I won't Buster: Hilarious Buster: What do you reckon you're gonna do? Rio: What have you done? Rio: Fuck all Buster: Don't sit there and fucking preach to me Buster: I'm there every day Rio: I don't give a fuck about you, don't get it twisted Buster: I never said you did Buster: I said you don't know fuck all about what's going on with her Rio: She's told me Buster: She'll have told you what she wants you to know Buster: So like I said Rio: Yeah she really wants me to know all the nasty shit being said and done to her Rio: such a juicy story Buster: Whatever she's said, everything she ain't told you is worse Rio: And what are you doing about it Rio: go on Buster: Maybe I would if I had anything to prove to you Buster: But I don't Rio: Prove it to her 'cos she's said how you've taken their side Buster: I bet she has Rio: Fuck sake, Buster Buster: Don't start with me on this Rio: You were always at least a decent brother Buster: I said, don't Rio: Do something about it Buster: Don't tell me what to do Buster: You don't even know what you're asking for or what it means Rio: She's your sister Rio: end of Buster: Yeah, mine not yours Buster: It's our lives not yours Rio: Yeah and hers is miserable and you aren't trying to help her Buster: I'm fucking trying to get her to help herself Rio: Jesus Christ Rio: that's not how this works Buster: I'm not a girl, I can't get involved in that shit Buster: That's how it works Buster: I've already sorted loads of lads out Rio: Yeah, no shit you can't smack then and pretend that's a fix Rio: she could still know that you don't endorse their bullshit, which she don't Buster: Fuck you Buster: And fuck her if she's gonna be that stupid Rio: Its not about being stupid Rio: all you have to do is tell her Buster: It's about everyone wanting to see the worst in me, her especially Buster: End of Rio: I already said, are you surprised though Buster: About her being such a man hating lesbian stereotype? Sometimes Rio: That is not what I meant Buster: I know exactly what you mean Buster: And I already answered you, surprised ain't the word Rio: What is then Rio: Don't be mysterious Buster: I ain't, I'm being polite 'cause I know you don't care Rio: Pick your moments Buster: Yeah Rio: If its not what you want with her, then you should do something Rio: 'cos its what you want with the rest of us Buster: I can't do what she wants me to and it's unfair of her to expect it from me Rio: But how is it not unfair for you to expect her to be a different person suddenly Rio: its on the bullies, not her Buster: I don't expect her to be a different person Buster: Just own the person that she fucking is Rio: You don't get it Rio: That's alright for you 'cos you get clapped on the back and prizes for the person you are all the time Rio: the person she is is awkward and shy and non-confrontational and her turning 'round and acting like she's the shit with it would not make them think its any better than it is Rio: they're clearly shitty people, end of Buster: Well she can be really confrontational when it suits her Buster: And there's plenty she's capable of being recognised for that isn't who she wants to fuck Rio: It's not about her being gay Rio: girls are vicious Rio: its all the other ways she doesn't fit in with them Rio: in what world is she gonna turn around and be so bad ass that they're stunned into what, liking her? Rio: why would she want that? Buster: She ain't tried to fit in at all Buster: In what world is it my problem that she didn't get to stay in Cambs? Buster: She wants to villianize me all of a sudden but that ain't vicious Rio: Because your genius solution is she just needs to befriend the people who are vile to her Rio: literally why Buster: That ain't any solution, least of all mine Buster: Nance made up her mind she was gonna hate it there before she got here and so she does Buster: Yeah there are cunts in Chelsea, there's cunts everywhere Rio: You keep missing the entire fucking point, Jesus Rio: They made up their mind that they hate her, they make her life hell, end of Rio: however fucking marvelous you think she can make her life to spite them, that's remaining a fact and you aren't even acknowledging it Rio: she would rather live here than with her own family, let that sink in, that is the situation Rio: she isn't moping about leaving a place behind 3 years ago, my God Buster: You're welcome to her then Buster: See how she manages to fuck Dublin up for herself Rio: Like I said, leave her alone tonight Buster: Like I said, make me or mind your own business Rio: Fuck off Rio: You're no help to her Rio: and you're happy not to be, clearly, so do her that one favour Buster: I don't do people favours Buster: Not a charity Rio: Just a sad excuse for a brother Rio: understood Buster: You don't understand fuck all about me but keep telling yourself you do Rio: I don't care Rio: and neither do you so you don't get to dictate how we see you Rio: your lack of action speaks loud enough Buster: Good Buster: Saves me making a speech, like Rio: That we can agree on Rio: 🙌 Maybe there is a God after-all Buster: As long as we don't make a habit of it Buster: And you don't take his name in vain or whatever Rio: That's the one message you're taking away from the bible then Rio: bit of a weird one but okay Buster: I remember loads of that shit Buster: Obviously the lions were the best but Buster: There's some good fights Rio: Jesus was lucky they didn't put him in the coliseum really Rio: might've scared Mary and co away when he came back, all mangled, like Buster: She might've been into all the scars and everything Buster: You don't know Rio: Well she was obviously into feet so Rio: I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt, her tastes were well freakier than that cliche Buster: 'Course Rio: Have a good night then Rio: get some more blood of christ Buster: Shame his blood don't taste better, that way the two things you just said would be more likely to be mutually exclusive Rio: Your taste buds are as immature as you? Rio: figures Buster: That's the biggest load of bullshit you've written down all night Rio: It is not Rio: I drink red wine sometimes Buster: Me too just not the shit bottles your parents do Buster: They'd be better off letting your dad cook with it all Rio: Pah Buster: Either defend 'em or don't Buster: What the fuck is that noncommittal bullshit? Rio: I'm sorry but how have you convinced any of them that you're money Rio: that's what that sound was Rio: not dignifying that pitiful attempt with anything more Buster: You should be sorry Buster: Pathetic, like Rio: You said it Buster: You're judging my parents finances Buster: How undignified of you Rio: I'm judging you Buster: Yeah, trying to call me poor Buster: I've got what I've got, I don't need to convince anyone I belong anywhere Rio: And you can't buy class Rio: You're from trash Buster: I ain't trying to Buster: There's nothing wrong with my class or where I'm from Rio: Oh so you're claiming self-made Rio: that's your da Rio: you'll have to get your own act and you ain't found it, babe Buster: Like you said, I'll reap what I sow Buster: And I intend to sow plenty of epic shit Rio: Daddy's field Rio: Oh, McKenna Rio: I feel so bad for you Buster: My blood, sweat and tears, babe Buster: What do you reckon I'm doing at school all day, it's not just making the uniform look good Rio: How impressive Buster: It's necessary, if you wanna be impressed, you can have that Rio: I'm not Buster: Whatever you say Rio: You can leave the copy of your latest marks out of my birthday package, thanks Buster: You've just ensured I won't Buster: Enjoy the skim read Rio: 🙄 Buster: Been fun catching up, Cavante Buster: Let's leave it another few years next time though Rio: Take your own advice Buster: Easy when you're this boring Buster: Not gonna take yours Rio: Then why the hell are you still here? Buster: You don't want me to be Buster: And it's as simple to wind you up as it's ever been Rio: No, you're just even shittier Buster: That too Rio: What happened to you Buster: Like I said, Chelsea's full of cunts Rio: Yeah Buster: What happened to you? Rio: You said they're everywhere too, right? Buster: Yeah Rio: That's life, I guess Buster: How long did it take for Dublin to be as shit as anywhere else? Rio: I didn't ever think it would be any better Rio: beyond having family nearby Buster: Alright Rio: I didn't Rio: was never that stupid Buster: Calm down, I already said I believe you Rio: Alright Buster: You want a drink? Rio: Of course Buster: Of what? Rio: Not wine as you're such a snob about it Rio: I don't care, I've had all sorts today Buster: You had any brandy? Rio: I wasn't aiming to end my night with my head in the toilet, like Rio: so obviously not Buster: You do care then Rio: I didn't say no Rio: I said it wasn't in my plan Buster: I'll sort you out a decent drink Buster: Not that cunt, whoever you think I am Rio: I don't think anything Buster: Yeah you do Buster: You've made it well obvious Rio: That's about how you're behaving Buster: [brings her that decent drink as promised] Rio: [so awkward but having to maintain eye contact to be like cheers 'cos can't not] Buster: [walking away so casually like my job here is done] Rio: [🙄] Buster: [😏 I wish there was an even more smug dickhead version of this tbh] Rio: [Not too proud to drink it though but am gonna absolutely down it whatever it is] Buster: [he obvs has to as well but faster cos everything's competitive] Rio: [I hope you get the hiccups boy] Buster: [haha if only but he's too lucky for that kind of comeuppance to strike him down] Rio: IOU Buster: Easily fixed Buster: Off you go Rio: What do you want Buster: Don't spit in it and I'll take it Rio: 👍 Rio: have that for free Buster: Lucky me Rio: Don't push it Buster: What'll happen if I do? Rio: You're lucky, you won't find out Buster: Well now I'm obviously gutted Rio: [at him with some drink like drown your sorrows, boy] Buster: [knocks his glass against hers like oh thanks] Rio: [moving back like don't spill it on me, you messy bitch] Buster: [shakes his head and looks hot doing it probably] Rio: [shrugs like 'what?'] Buster: [gives her a look like you're the one still interacting with me] Rio: [walks off like you're weird] Buster: [watching her walk away and enjoying that view, once again where is everybody clocking this] Rio: [all partayingggg] Buster: [clearly] Rio: Why did you want to find Nancy? Buster: Last night I said some shit I shouldn't have Buster: But whatever she shouldn't of still been up Rio: They're in the music room Rio: if you still want to find her Buster: Forget it Rio: Go on Buster: Nah, we've had this argument already Rio: Yeah, last night, right Rio: so you should go Rio: you've got nothing else to do Buster: Don't tell me what to do Buster: She was the only person online then, she ain't now Rio: I'm not, it was your idea Buster: That you've spent most of tonight trying to talk me out of Rio: So you're gonna listen to me now Buster: Said like I've never given you exactly what you want Rio: Not that I remember Buster: Not that you're choosing to remember Rio: You feel up to reminiscing? Buster: According to you I've got fuck all else to do Rio: Except go talk to your sister Rio: which you're choosing to forget too, I guess Buster: I was doing line after line, I didn't know what it was gonna make me feel like Buster: It don't mean I'm gonna choose to dig a deeper hole now when I ain't Rio: What? Buster: It was my first time trying it so Rio: Did you like it Buster: I kept doing it, obviously didn't hate it, did I? Rio: Not that obvious, not necessarily Buster: Yeah well Rio: Where'd you even get it Buster: I was at a party I didn't have to get it Buster: It was just there Rio: yeah but who's party Rio: one of your friends Buster: Some girl from school Buster: I didn't ask Rio: Right Buster: Like I said, forget it Rio: Why, I'm not gonna tell on you Buster: 'Cause I didn't bring any with me so what does it matter Rio: Obviously Rio: you're not a complete moron Buster: Careful, you were almost talking sense Rio: If you reckon me giving you that you wouldn't try to take drugs through customs is a compliment, have it Buster: If I was taking it as a compliment I'd have told you that you were being complimentary Rio: If you were aiming for clarity, you would have made a statement in the affirmative of your apparent intellect, saying I'm ALMOST talking sense by implying you're not a COMPLETE moron, could as easily mean it'd be full sense to say you are in fact, a TOTAL moron Buster: You were almost talking sense 'cause you didn't admit that I'm not an idiot and felt the need to say that I still am Buster: There you go Rio: I said moron but I'll allow it Buster: I can read Buster: In case you've forgotten which twin you're talking to, like Rio: Hardly likely Buster: I know but a princess can dream, yeah? Rio: I'm sure they can Rio: but no need Buster: Whatever Rio: Exactly Rio: when I wanna talk to Nance, I will Rio: and should I ever feel the need to replicate a conversation with you, I'll go bash my head into the nearest brick wall Buster: So dramatic Rio: You really are Buster: You and me both, babe Rio: Careful, don't admit we're anything alike Buster: Why not? Buster: I ain't scared of making a favourable comparison, that's you Rio: Scared ain't the word Rio: and because last time we bothered to check-in, you think you're amazing and we're all beneath you Buster: You wish you were underneath me any time we've ever checked in Rio: I'm too sober to listen to your disturbing fantasies Buster: Stop chatting shit to me and get yourself more drinks then Buster: It shouldn't be that difficult Rio: Let's not conflate our mutual need for another drink with me wanting to hear what sick shit you're thinking about, McKenna Rio: Must you ruin everything, like Buster: 'Course I must Buster: That's the least you've heard about me Rio: You wish Nance would frame it like that Rio: You think infamy would suit, undoubtedly Buster: Never assumed or stated she was your only source of info anymore than I would her being reliable at it Rio: [Oh, before I forget, my idea was her lil boyfriend at this time is the neighbour boy 'cos realize that goal honey lol 'cos in my head its 6 boys and he's the oldest- (3 years older than her 'cos the vibe is when you're young that doesn't matter but he's like coming up 16 to her 13 now which makes you have to act so mature even when you ain't ready anyway)- like Rio and then some of the others are ones we've referenced Janis hanging with in the future when Grace was like you simply must not! and they could all be at this wedding anyway 'cos neighbour friends] Rio: Admit that you stalk much Buster: It's hardly considered stalking when you love yourself so much you post constantly, but alright, babe Rio: 🤔 hurr why didn't you block me years ago durr Rio: and if I'm after a drink, it ain't tea, so put the pot and kettle away Buster: Why would I block you? I'm having a lovely time Rio: Keep that to yourself Buster: Again why would I? Rio: Because I told you, I don't wanna hear what you think about me Buster: I'm not telling you Rio: You're implying it Rio: and being gross with it Buster: No I ain't Rio: Whatever Buster: If anything the implication is what you think about me and I could be much 'grosser' about it, like Rio: No Rio: I've told you what I think about you, one Rio: and you saying you're having a lovely time looking at my socials is an implication, one you can't pin on because I don't look at yours, I keep you on messenger apps only in case of emergencies re. kidneys and the like Buster: I'm only having a lovely time killing mine at this bullshit fam function conversing with you, anything else is you overthinking Rio: Get better at conversation because that's not what you said that in reference to Buster: 'Cause I knew it would get to you which it clearly has Rio: And why would you want to do that Buster: It's the most fun I can have until I'm allowed to leave Rio: How sad Rio: you said your sister isn't the only one online, why don't you make use of it Buster: I don't drunk dial, I'm not a fucking amateur Rio: Wow Rio: how many more lame excuses do you have Rio: seems neverending Buster: I already told you, I'm surrounded by cunts, I'm not gonna give 'em ammunition Buster: I'm not my sister Rio: I told you, I'm not confused Buster: Then don't act like it's an excuse Rio: Just leave me alone Rio: I'm not your stand-in entertainment just 'cos your friends aren't here Buster: What else are you? Rio: Fuck off Rio: I'm serious Buster: You've been very serious this entire time Rio: Today is shit enough without you Rio: I did not need this Buster: Likewise Rio: And? Rio: You're irrelevant Buster: And I don't feel sorry for you Buster: I'm talking to you 'cause I have fuck all to lose by doing it Rio: Enjoy talking to my inbox then Rio: I started over this, this is beyond Rio: I was only replying for your sister Buster: Stop crying about it Buster: Jesus Rio: 😥 Buster: [brings her a drink she did not ask for like drown your sorrows girl] Rio: [won't take it from him like put it down and go] Buster: [does but loling like okay] Rio: [closes her eyes and takes a deep breath] Buster: Why's it shit? Rio: you mean besides the cheap wine Buster: Yeah Rio: why ask Rio: you don't care or feel sorry Buster: Come on Rio: even if you did, you aren't ready for the rant Rio: get another full glass, like Buster: [Does] Buster: Tell me Rio: Its shit because it always has been and always is Rio: Last night, when mum and dad were doing whatever the fuck to get all this bullshit ready, Edie ran away. It started when they started planning this nonsense because even mum can have the same last name as us now and Edie really is the only one who won't but when one of the kids we asked if she wanted dad to adopt her she freaked the fuck out and I had to pull her away or she was gonna really hurt them but she's really fast and scrappy and I got covered in loads of scratches and bite marks Rio: and I didn't want to tell them because they were so busy so I had to look on my own Rio: luckily, she went to the pub to see granddad but then she was saying they should adopt her and she wouldn't come back for ages and Rio: then this morning she wouldn't put on anything nice, and then Janis always copies her and Edie encourages her 'cos she thinks its funny even though I was the one who had to make sure they were all ready because all the adults had fucked off to do more important shit and then Grace starts crying because she wants Janis to wear the same as her even though that was never happening and Diego and Gus are just so annoying about having to wear any clothes at all Rio: so by the time I'd given up on them all, I had no time to get ready and I already feel stupid because 13 is too old to be a pissing bridesmaid but no one cares about that, so I asked Harry to give me a ride on his moped to town but that didn't happen 'cos, well, reasons, so I'm just wearing something I already had Buster: [downs his drink and pulls her away into a quiet corner so that he can look at the damage Edie did because we all know he cares so much bye and is just looking at her like show me then cos needs to know that she's alright always before anything else can be said or done] Rio: [probably most of those scratchmarks are on her face so having to wear skin makeup which she wouldn't usually 'cos frecks and good skin so tah for that, just like have a closer look 'cos clearly not been that close today/forever, then I'll be nice and say the bites are coverable, on her stomach/back area but with what she's wearing can't really pull up or down so she's like it's fine but probably having a little drunk cry 'cos that frustrated and has opened the floodgates now] Buster: [thanks Edie for letting me do the softest face touches of all time and also brushing her tears away really carefully so the make up won't be totally ruined cos actually considerate af] Rio: [when that makes you cry harder but that's only partially your fault boy] Buster: [just hugging her and making me die cos he's so toll and she's so smol] Rio: [probably had such a growth spurt since, even though he's always been taller] Buster: [literally though she'd be shook] Rio: [just blurt out 'you're tall' you are drunk after-all Buster: [a little lol but actually genuine for once, pulling away enough so you can look at her and also genuinely being like 'it's a decent outfit'] Rio: [lols back 'cos obviously the least of her concerns but still 'thanks'] Buster: [just shrugging like it's so casual] Rio: [suddenly breaks the hug, looking around like !!!] Buster: [walking away cos can actually take hints] Rio: [but pulling on his arm like no and pulling him down so she can talk without shouting 'have you seen Edie?' obvs Mcvickers would also be keeping an eye on her too after her showing up but Rio lowkey been watching her all day but has slipped 'cos carried away in their arguing etc] Buster: [shaking his head since he likewise has been paying no attention to anyone else and why would he but has a little scout around now like let's go look for her without saying it cos can't care too much ever and be seen to but obvs does] Rio: [go from wherever you are and hopefully find McVickers and Edie and not Harry 'cos likewise being ignored rn] Buster: [Yeah she can be with them living her best life cos deserves it tbh] Buster: [ooh throwback one of mcvickers should say jokingly something about them being together cos never are] Rio: [just like NOT NOW GRANDPARENTS lmao] Buster: [walking away like fuck all y'all cos of course he is] Rio: [oh so moody, god bless you teens] Buster: [literally bumping into his sister on the way so he can be like fuck you as well and burn every bridge fully] Rio: [oh boy] Buster: [so angry and so sad always boy]

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faveficarchive · 5 years

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I’ve Been to Pocatello, but I’ve Never Been to Me

Another White Trash Tale of Depravity, Soul-Searching, and Potato Chips

By Vivian Darkbloom

Pairing: Xena/Gabrielle

Rating: Mature

Synopsis: This is the fourth installment in the White Trash Series. Gabrielle learns all about Zina’s dark past when a few unwanteds wander back into her girlfriend’s life.

1. An Interlude in the Manner of Pinky and the Brain

"Gabrielle, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I think so, baby. I'll go get your fire helmet and the nacho cheese dip."

"No, I'm not thinking about that."

"Okay. Let me try again." A hopeful pause. A batting of fair eyelashes. A comely pout. "Your fire helmet and the vibrator?"

Zina sighed. Her fire helmet—the penultimate symbol of her profession, a badge of pride, a lifesaving device—had been reduced, by Gabrielle, to both a fetish object and a receptacle for foodstuffs. She was just grateful that Gabrielle had decided the helmet was ill-suited for use as a pitcher for margaritas (her hair had smelled like tequila for weeks). "I'm thinking…"

"Always a bad sign, baby."

"…like maybe we should go to the movies."

Gabrielle regarded her skeptically. "Really?" She loved to go to movie theaters, but since Zina found the entire experience stressful—dealing with large, inane groups of people was not the firefighter's forte—they did not go very often.

Zina cleared her throat. This "being sensitive" shit is really hard. "Listen, Gabrielle, I thought, you know, you deserve a night out, a night where we do something different…'cause, uh, I know your finals were hard."

"I agree, absolutely. So like I said, let me go get your helmet and the vibrator…"

"Now, how is that special? We've done that plenty of times."

"Well, this time I'll let you wear the helmet, stud." With a wiggle of her eyebrows, Gabrielle ran upstairs. Grinning, Zina followed. She was more than willing to do whatever it would take to make the little poet happy…especially when it involves sex, thought the firefighter, as she took the steps two at a time.

*****

Cyrene stepped out of her Volkswagen, humming the crazy violin part of "Baba O'Riley," her head bobbing up and down, and approached the front door of the farmhouse. She lingered on the porch as she peered into the daunting recesses of her macramé purse, looking for the house keys, something that was hard to do in the evening light. A full fifteen minutes passed, during which she found some Chiclets from 1977 and the results of an VD test from 1990 (Hey, I'm negative! Cool!), before she finally found the keys. Still humming, she entered the darkened home that her daughter shared with Gabrielle. She wound her way through the black hallway to the kitchen, where she snapped on the light. She clapped her hands together and rubbed them briskly. Okay, I've got a half an hour before the meeting, just enough time to make hummus…

"Ayiyyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi!" The strange cry ripped through the room and, not wasting any time, Cyrene grabbed the nearest butcher knife and, with a less exotic shriek of her own, jumped on the kitchen counter. Her daughter was crouched in the doorway, nude, ready to pounce, wielding a baseball bat…and with a fire helmet ever so slightly askance on her head.

"Jesus, Zina!" Cyrene cried, as her adrenaline rush subsided. "What the fuck was that?"

Zina grinned. "Just a little something I picked up from the Discovery Channel," she said proudly. "Didn't know you could still jump that fast, Mom." She rose to her full height and leaned the bat in a corner. "Sorry. I thought you were a burglar or somethin'."

"I didn't think you were home, honey. Gabrielle said I could use the house tonight for an LPN group meeting."

"LPN?" Zina echoed. Her mother wanted to become a nurse?

Cyrene sighed. Another disbeliever. "Legalize Pot Now."

The firefighter snorted. "Oh, for Christ's sake."

Cyrene jabbed a finger of maternal authority at Zina. "Yeah, man, scoff all you want. All I can say if it weren't for pot, you wouldn't be here right now!" Somehow a Chevy van, a bottle of Boone's Hill strawberry wine, an 8-track tape of Badfinger, and a draft dodger with a droopy mustache had appeared all the more erotic and alluring under the influence of a fat joint.

Footsteps on the stairs announced Gabrielle's arrival. The lithe poet had taken a minute to make herself presentable for dangerous felons, and had thrown on a t-shirt and shorts. But her mussed hair, reddened lips, and flushed face announced, louder than a Siegfried and Roy show at Vegas, what she and her hunky firefighter had been up to. "Cyrene? What the hell—"

"You forgot, didn't you?" Cyrene accused gently.

"Oh…shit! I did! I'm sorry." She apologized to two generations of bad-ass chicks at once. Both scowled at her. "Uh, Zina, didn't you say you wanted to go to the movies?"

2. Mrs. Peel, We're Needed

The trip to the movies also involved babysitting Purdy, who was having a fight with Lila. He had called up Gabrielle a few minutes before they were about to leave for the theater, to see if she wanted to get drunk at the Saddle. Soft-hearted little poet that she was, she invited him along. "Is that okay?" she sheepishly asked Zina after the fact.

Zina shrugged. "Sure."

"Zina, you're so nice to Purdy. It's sweet."

"I figure anyone who dumped you for your sister needs some special treatment, if you know what I mean." She waggled a finger in a circle alongside her head.

They met Purdy at the theater. He stood, sulky, in the parking lot, leaning against his Ford pickup, John Deere cap pulled low in an attempt to make his babyfat face more menacing. "Hiya, Gab, Hiya Zina," he greeted. "So, what movie are we seeing?"

Gabrielle smirked with pride. "The Avengers."

Purdy made a face. "Gab, you always pick these artsy-fartsy foreign films!"

Zina nodded in agreement. "Yeah! With these snooty British people or something," she piped up.

"Knock it off, both o' you. I'll have you know that things blow up in this movie, and that Uma Thurman chick runs around wearing leather. It can't be bad."

A skeptical grunt issued forth from the firefighter as they headed into the multiplex. After they bought tickets, Gabrielle immediately took off in the direction of the concession stand. But she didn’t get very far before Zina snagged her arm. "Don't do it," her companion purred in her ear.

Such a suggestive, seductive tone made the blonde poet want to do it even more. "I don't know what you're talking about," she protested, lying, trying to squirm out of Zina's grip.

"You know what I mean, Gabrielle. Don't do it. Don't give in."

Gabrielle stopped thrashing and met Zina's eyes. "Okay, okay. I won't. I swear."

The blue eyes held her gaze for a moment. "All right, then." The firefighter released her. "Get me a Coke, okay? See you down front." She headed for the theater.

As Gabrielle waited patiently in line, she drank in the smell of rancid popcorn and butter. Popcorn. I'll just get some popcorn. With feigned casualness she surveyed the boxes of candy in the display case; the green eyes flickered and hesitated for a nanosecond at the Raisinet boxes, but then continued their thorough scan of the candy. Okay, that was fine. I didn't feel a thing.

Nonetheless she turned away abruptly and studied the faded wallpaper. Oh my…that's a nice pattern. I never thought green and brown could work together like that...Then she turned her attention to a new movie poster: Weekend at Bernie's 3: "This Time It's Personal…Hygiene."

Then the voices began.

Gabrielle.

No! She clutched her forehead. "I'm not listening," she muttered aloud, causing a glance from the burly gentleman in front of her wearing a cowboy hat and a Charlie Daniels Band t-shirt.

Gabrielle! It's us. Please listen!!!

"Stop it!" Gabrielle growled. The large cowboy shifted away from her slightly.

You must listen. Only you can set us free. Gabrielllllllllllle…

"No!"

Look at us.

She shook her head savagely.

Come. Look. Or do you fear us?

Timidly the poet turned, slowly, and looked.

The box of Raisinets glowed with a preternatural beauty, even more striking than Zina in full firefighter regalia (or buck naked for that matter), and the voices of the Raisinets, blending together with mellow effervescence and sounding precisely like the two midget women in that little box from the Mothra movies, sang their siren song of freedom to their golden-haired liberator: Gabriellllllle…buy us, eat us!

"Ohhhhh…all right!" screamed the poet, scaring away not only the Charlie Daniels guy but also the couple in front of him, and thus effectively shortening the line.

Arms cradling the Coke, the popcorn, a bunch of candy bars, and the evil Raisinets, Gabrielle waddled down the aisle to where her companions sat. She tossed a giant Kit Kat bar at Purdy and thrust a Coke at Zina; both firefighter and mechanic noted the Raisinets lying in her lap.

"Don't say anything," Gabrielle snarled at them.

A long silence ensued. It was finally broken by Purdy's guffaw. "You'll be on the can all night long, then havin' bad dreams," he chastised her. "Man, I am so glad I don't live with you anymore!"

She gave a lunge toward him, sending popcorn flying, but was restrained by Zina's powerful arm. "Down, girl," said the firefighter.

"They…they…" stammered Gabrielle.

"Yeah, I know, honey bunny, they were talking to you…" Zina replied, as if Gabrielle were a reject from the Special Olympics.

"They were!" wailed the poet, as the previews began.

Twenty minutes later, as Zina snored through a trailer for a Brad Pitt film, Purdy, arms folded, threatened once again: "This better be good."

"It can't be bad," assured Gabrielle, whose childlike faith in Hollywood, while tremendously touching, was sorely misplaced, misguided, and plainly retarded.

*****

It was bad.

"How stupid could I be!" cried Gabrielle, as they left the theater for the lobby. "To think that anyone else could be Mrs. Peel!"

"Well, duh," Zina agreed.

"But things sure blowed up pretty good," Purdy said. Zina nodded in assent.

It was all that mattered, really.

"Hey, isn't that Callie over there?" Gabrielle asked apprehensively, grasping her beloved's arm and nodding to a small, poorly dressed group that circled the front of the multiplex and carried strange signs: "THE AVENGERS" PROMOTES UNNATURAL CLOTHES, one said. LEATHER IS FOR BOOTS ONLY, proclaimed another.

Sure enough, the crazed blonde was in the eye of the protesting storm. However, upon spotting the movie-going trio of Zina, Gabrielle, and Purdy, she bore down on them like a bulimic toward a toilet bowl.

"Well!" sniped Callie by way of greeting, "I can guess what sick film you three have been seeing."

Zina rolled her eyes. "Callie, you are pathetic. There was nothing weird in that film. Hell, it was so boring I fell asleep who knows how many times."

"Five," supplied Gabrielle, with some measure of irritation.

"It figures you wouldn't notice the fine details, Zina," Callie sneered haughtily. "The clothing was scandalous and suggestive. It was perverted." Even speaking of the dreaded film caused Callie to grip her jumbo-sized Sprite a little tighter, even though her hand could barely get around it as it was.

"So I take it you actually saw the film?" Gabrielle asked coolly.

"No, of course not! I'm not spending money to see such filth!"

"Lady, you are bonkers," Purdy mumbled.

"What?" hissed Callie.

"You heard me!" he retorted defiantly.

She threw her drink at him, drenching him with sticky carbonated coolness. "You crazy bitch! This is my best flannel shirt!" he cried as she stalked away from them.

"Yeah! You get back here, you bitch!" Gabrielle shouted. She tried to take off after Callie, but found Zina's restraining arm around her midriff.

"What the hell's gotten into you?" Zina asked, perturbed that Gabrielle would get so upset over such a matter—of course, it would have been different had Callie thrown the drink on her, then it would be acceptable for Gabrielle to flip out. But over Purdy? She makes absolutely no sense when she's PMSing, thought Zina, who nonetheless enjoyed the sensation of the wiggling Gabrielle pressed against her.

"She's pushed me too far, Zina! I can't have her throwing drinks at my ex-boyfriend! I got my pride!"

"Yeah, and it's pretty warped, I'd say."

"Lemme go!" demanded the angry poet.

"Gabrielle, don't you remember once…you told me the cycle of violence and hatred must be broken…."

Finally Gabrielle slipped out of the firefighter's loose grasp. "For Christ's sake, Zina, I had four shots of tequila when I said that! Now lemme go kick that twat's ass!" She stomped over to Callie for a Meeting of the Blondes. A brief interaction ensued: Callie, motionless, with eyebrows raised, watched Gabrielle gesticulate all over the place.

It ended with one punch.

Zina was amazed at how quickly Callie could run in heels. The minister was in her Camaro and tearing out of the parking lot before she and Purdy reached the prostrate poet.

"Gabrielle?" The firefighter gently shook the unconscious form. Her frightened blue eyes locked onto the anxious Purdy. "Quick, get some chocolate!"

*****

"Mrs. Peel?" The voice, with its clipped British accent, was vaguely familiar to Gabrielle. Nonetheless her eyelids refused to open until she felt something soft tapping her cheeks.

Willpower pried open her eyes, which could not believe what they were seeing.

It was Zina, kneeling in front of her, grinning, wearing a dark blue pinstripe suit and a bowler hat, a white carnation gracing her lapel. "Mrs. Peel, are you all right?" Zina asked again, in impeccable, more-upper-class -than-thou English tones.

Those goddamn Raisinets!!!! She tried blinking several times in hopes of dispelling the hallucination. No go. "Is it Halloween again?" she whispered timidly.

Zina frowned. "I say, my dear, you simply are not yourself. You even sound different, Mrs. Peel."

Why does she keep…Gabrielle tried to move and her body, which felt taut, tense, and immobile, made a strange, flatulent noise. She looked down the length of her form. She was clad in a tight black leather bodysuit and boots.

…calling me that? She was attired just like Mrs. Peel. "Oh, God," she moaned. She looked at Zina, who was still looking ever so concerned in a restrained, British kinda way.

"So. You must be Steed." Gabrielle ventured the guess nervously.

The tall, dark-haired woman smiled at that. "Verrrry good," she replied with imperial condescension. "Now, do you remember anything else?"

Gabrielle gritted her teeth as she attempted to sit up again, which elicited a protracted farting noise from her leather outfit. This time she was successful. "Like what?"

"Ohhh, let's see," Zina sighed in thought, "The Cybernauts? The Hellfire Club? Castle De'Ath?"

"Uh…yeah. I do." Except I wasn't Mrs. Peel, I was only sitting on the floor in the living room eating Screaming Yellow Zonkers and wishing I were her.

"Encouraging!" replied Zina/Steed.

And they were off, driving through the countryside, drinking champagne, listening to Petula Clark…. Downtown!

She held out her glass for more champagne (and how did Steed manage to pour and drive at the same time?) but when she brought it to her lips there was a telegram inside the glass. "What's this?" she asked.

"Good news, Mrs. Peel. Your husband, Purdy Peel, has been found in the Amazon…"

In an Amazon? Surely not Effie! "My husband? But I—I was never married!" wailed Gabrielle.

"So I'm afraid it's time for all our glamorous adventures to come to an end…"

"They can't!"

"But you must do your duty…"

"No!"

The Bentley entered a tunnel. All was darkness….

….and Gabrielle opened her eyes. She was back home, in the bedroom she shared with Zina, and the tall firefighter was sitting on the bed, watching her with concern. Fortunately, sans the bowler hat.

"Sugar booger!" she cried, sitting up. She flung her arms around Zina.

"Gabrielle! How are you feeling, honey?" Zina gave her girlfriend a squeeze, a kiss on the cheek, and rubbed her back.

"Better. Baby, I had this crazy dream—"

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the Raisinets?"

"I know. But this was different somehow...."

"You mean you have diarrhea this time?"

"No! Zina, listen. I was going through a tunnel, and you know that usually means—"

"Sex!" Zina's sapphire eyes lit up like a gas grill.

"Yeah, but it scared me a little. Like I feel the tunnel represents something else. 'Cause I was afraid to go through it. You know how I hate change…like I was ready to kill you when you got a different kind of toilet paper. But I think this is something serious, something I gotta think about. Like what I'm gonna do with my life. And what everything means. I feel like this dream was trying to impart some important message to me about my life, my writing…but what the bowler hat represented, I have no idea…" Gabrielle trailed off, and so had Zina's infant-like attention span—the baby blues were focused on the switchblade she pulled out of her pocket. With a flick of the wrist, Zina began to pare her nails. Gabrielle cleared her throat loudly. "Honey, do me a favor. Would you get that big book out of the bathroom for me?"

Zina nodded. Still fiddling with the switchblade, she shuffled into the bathroom. Five minutes passed. The toilet flushed. "I don't see anything!" she finally cried.

You damn—"It's under your copy of Guns and Ammo!" Gabrielle yelled.

A pause. "Oh." Zina returned, with a large hardcover tome. It was titled The Woman's Dictionary of Symbols, Signs, and Secret Meanings: Dream Interpretation for Quasi-Feminists. The book had been a Christmas gift from Cyrene. With the book splayed in her lap, Gabrielle flipped pages until she reached this entry, nestled between "Bowl of Oatmeal" and "Butane Lighters":

BOWLER HATS: Traditionally seen as a symbol of male bourgeoisie, the bowler hat takes on subversive meaning in dreams when it is worn by a woman. Its black color represents power, and the round, curvaceous shape calls to mind the feminine form. Nominally the dream figure wearing the hat is seen as powerful, a person whose acceptance of self is something that you strive for.

Gabrielle looked at her companion skeptically. Zina was flipping the switchblade in her hand, then, with a sudden growl and a cry of "Hee-yah!" flung the blade across the room until it landed, bull's eye, in a decrepit dart board. She smirked with pride.

"Zina, I'm having a spiritual crisis kinda thing going on. Least you could do is leave the switchblade alone."

The firefighter blinked and looked at her girlfriend. "Oh. Yeah, sorry, Gabrielle." Like a scolded puppy she returned to the bed.

"Maybe this is why I'm having a writer’s block, too," mused the blonde.

"Don't worry, honey, you'll get your groove back." Zina admired her neatly trimmed nails, then shot Gabrielle a sly, lusty look. "We could have sex—that usually helps you write."

"Yeah, but I usually end up writing epic poems about your thighs. Not that that isn't a worthy subject, but…no. I gotta work this out. It's like a…quest. A spiritual quest, you know?"

"No." No, of course not. For Zina, a spiritual quest would be finding the perfect hunting knife.

"Well, it is. I have to discover who I am, and what my life means, and find inner peace."

They were quiet for a long minute. "I still think sex would help," Zina finally said.

Gabrielle pondered this. "Better safe than sorry." She peeled off her shirt.

3. Anything that Moves

The following day found Gabrielle answering a fateful knock at the door.

She blinked at the tall, dark stranger on the doorstep. "I am looking for Zina." He spoke heavily accented English.

Mentally, Gabrielle pulled out the Zina Ex-Lover Checklist (Male Version):

1. Does he have overstyled facial hair? Yes! Not as weird as Artie's, though.

2. Long and/or dark hair? Uh-huh.

3. Muscular and/or dangerous looking, like he just got out of prison? Absolutely.

4. An obvious death wish? We'll soon find out.

The Male Version of the Checklist did certainly help narrow the field a bit, unlike the Female Version, which was:1. Blonde?She leaned in the doorway. "Okay, man, I got your number. Welcome to Zinaholics Anonymous. I'm Gabrielle, and I can't sponsor you, because I'm a happy addict."

The man scowled at her. "A simple 'hello' would work just as well."

"Who are you?"

This did not erase his look of displeasure. "My name is Boris. I have come to see Zina about…" He paused melodramatically. "…our puppy."

"Puppy?"

"Da. We had puppy together…many years ago."

"A puppy?" Gabrielle gasped. Talk about commitment! Zina never wants us to have a pet! Every time I bring it up…"Too much responsibility, Gabrielle." She stomped over to the foot of the stairs. "Zina!" she roared up into the air. "Get your ass down here now!"

Various curses filtered down from the second floor of the house. "All right, all right, goddammit." A clunk emanating from above indicated that a barbell was threatening to come crashing through the ceiling. Sleek, sweaty, and pumped, Zina trooped down the stairs. And stopped just before hitting the last step. "Boris," she snarled. "I thought you were dead!" Great, another ex for Gabrielle to deal with. I'll never hear the end of it.

He looked blank for a moment, then threw up his arms. "Can't you read? The telegram said Dagnine killed me in the chess tournament. Not in real life, you eeediot!" He shook his head, dismayed, then gave her a less severe scrutiny. "But…Stolichnaya!" he murmured. "You still look fabulous!"

The firefighter ignored this. "What the hell do you want?"

A hurt look crossed his face. "What a greeting! Zeeeeena, I have not seen you for…what? Ten years?"

"Seven."

"I thought that was when you met Julie Caesar," Gabrielle interjected.

"Ummm, maybe five."

"Who is Julie Caesar?" Boris said.

"Maybe it's closer to eight…" Zina mused.

"Or nine," added Gabrielle.

"Maybe I should ask Mom…"

"Zina, every other week your mother thinks it's 1972. I don't think so." Only a few days prior Cyrene had traipsed up to Gabrielle and said, "Hey, man, they're starting this cool thing called Earth Day! Wanna go?"

"Who is this Julie Caesar?" Boris demanded again.

"Look, dickhead, I'm the main squeeze here, not you, so stop acting jealous. Okay, Zina," Gabrielle pointed at Boris, "let's hear all about this one. I'm ready for another long, crude story about your past. I just bought a jumbo-sized tub of potato chips, so I'm set. Spill it."

"Gabrielle, I can't—it's just too damn ugly." There were few things Zina was truly ashamed of doing…but this part of her life, with Boris, was simply too painful and hideous to contemplate. And if she couldn't deal with it…what made Gabrielle think that she could?

"Come on, I know everything else, baby. The drug deals, the stolen cars, setting Callie's house on fire—"

"You set somebody's house on fire?" cried Boris, aghast. The Russian's eyes widened in horror.

"—the shoplifting, picking up a Girl Scout—"

"She told me she was a troop leader!" the firefighter blurted in feeble defense.

"—beating up your parole officer, all the ABBA albums you had—"

"Why won't you admit 'SOS' is a great song?"

"—so the point is, Zina, I know all the bad stuff, so…trust me. I love you. I married you. I wash your t-shirts. Tell me."

"You want the truth? You can handle the truth!" Zina roared.

A stunned silence followed.

The firefighter shrugged sheepishly. "Sorry. I always wanted to say that."

"Tell me," demanded the poet quietly, folding her arms.

The firefighter sighed in defeat, and her beautiful countenance hardened into a spiteful sneer. "You wanna hear about it? All right, Gabrielle, you asked for it…" Her jaw shifted defiantly. "Boris and I were semi-professional ice skaters. We spent years—well, I guess maybe only one—trying to make it big at the Pocatello Ice Follies."

"Pocatello…?" echoed the poet.

"Da," Boris affirmed. "It's a town in that—ahhhh, what do you Americans call your potato state?"

"Idaho," Zina supplied curtly. "Anyway, the Ice Follies….It's like a dry run for the Ice Capades."

Gabrielle backed up away from her beloved, and gripped the arm of the decrepit couch. No. Totally uncool! My big, tough macho dyke girlfriend…a figure skater?

"And we made Tonya Harding look good," Boris added glumly.

"Yeah, Boris is right. We were the worst of the worst. The lowest of the low. I wore a pink chiffon bodysuit. And Boris made Rudy Galindo look butch." The Russian scowled at this. "We performed to 'You Light Up My Life'…"

"And that cute song from Cats. What's it called, Zina?" Boris started to hum "Memory." Without thinking, Zina picked up the melody and did the same.

"STOP!" shrieked Gabrielle. Pink? Ice skating? Debby Boone? Eyes staring blankly, she sank numbly into the depths of the couch.

"Zeeeeena, I think she's in shock," Boris said, waving a hand in front of Gabrielle's glassy, fixed stare.

4. Another Obligatory Flashback

Practice ended badly; a poorly executed triple axle landed Zina on her ass and ripped her costume. Boris was supposed to catch her, but he was not on his mark, where he should have been, but was at the edge of the rink with Alti, their coach, indulging in a prolonged smoke and discussion about various brands of vodka. Furious, she stomped over to her oblivious lover, cold-cocked him (eliciting an evil cackle from Alti in the process), and stalked back to their trailer, which was parked outside the rink

She didn't hit him too hard—he was only unconscious for half an hour—and, as she anticipated, he skulked back to the trailer, apologetic, and they proceeded to make up by screwing frantically under the canopy of the fuzzy, musty panda bear blanket they had bought from Woolworth's a few months ago.

Afterwards, while she snored he threw on a pair of jeans and hunted for another bottle of vodka. Bah! She hid it again! Greedy bitch! He returned to the bedroom, determined to wake her up and find out where the vodka was. However, sitting down beside her, he was overtaken by a moment of tenderness as he watched her sleep. Softly, he called her name. "Zina."

She sputtered, drooled, and grunted. He smiled. How he loved her! Gently, he shook her naked shoulder. "Zina, my beloved. Light of my life, fire of my loins, my sin, my soul, Zeeeena—"

A bleary blue eye cracked open and glared at him. "We're outta condoms, so don't even think about it."

He laughed merrily. "My darling, your crudeness is so charming. No, I just wanted to tell you…" His dark eyes were solemn. "I think I love you."

Like a cultural Pavlov's dog, all Zina could think about was the Partridge Family. The big yellow bus! Danny Bonaduce! Susan Dey in all her bitchy glory! "I think I'm gonna puke." She rolled over.

"This was not the reaction I had hoped for."

"Too fucking bad."

"It's all this…stress, all this nonsense that's making you act like this." He disregarded the fact that she had always been like this, even when they were trying to open up the Chinese/Tex-Mex restaurant with Lao Ma. He still shuddered involuntarily at the thought of it; he loved her, without a doubt, but he was damned if she didn't have the weirdest ideas when it came to food. And why Lao Ma indulged her…Well, I know why Lao Ma indulged her, he thought darkly, reflecting upon that miserable day when he caught them together. She was just washing my hair, Zina had said, and then we both got all wet, so we took off all our clothes to dry, but there weren't any towels, so we were just rubbing our bodies together—just to get dry!

But oh, Zina, if that's true, then why were you still…so wet? He wanted to cry, the pain of the betrayal was still so fresh. But he forced back the thoughts. "Zina, please," he continued. "I mean it. We could be so happy if we only stopped doing this…crap. Let's face it, neither one of us can skate to save our own lives."

Her body rippled with a sigh.

"You know I'm right," he pushed.

"Yeah, I guess you are," she conceded. "We should talk to Alti later and tell her it's not workin' out. Right now, I wanna sleep."

Unfortunately, a banging commenced upon the semi-sturdy door of the trailer. "Go the fuck away!" Zina shouted, pulling the blanket over her head.

He sighed. Apparently the Big Love Discussion would have to wait as well. He padded over to the door and opened it. It was Alti, a Pall Mall dangling (as always) from her lips, her mascara heavy and smeared, making her look like a cross between an aging Cure fan and an insomniac raccoon. "Boris, is she all right?" She nodded toward the bedroom.

"Is she all right?" he spat, incredulous. "She's the one who hit me!" Furious, he pointed at his swollen nose.

"Whatever," Alti grunted. "Can we come in for a moment?" It was at the mention of "we" that Boris noted a lithe blonde woman, wearing a short coat and a skirt, hovering inconspicuously behind Alti.

He frowned with suspicion. "I guess." He stepped aside to let them in, and

shouted in the direction of the bedroom, "Zina! We got company! Get dressed!"

A minute passed and the sullen Zina sauntered into the main room, wearing black underwear and a tank top.

"Now that's what I call dressed," Alti rasped with approval in her Brenda Vaccaro voice.

Boris, who had pulled on a sweatshirt, folded his arms and scowled. Ignoring them all, Zina headed for the kitchen and returned with a Heineken.

"What, you don't offer our guests anything?" Boris snapped at her.

"Fuck you. What am I, a maid?"

"Why, I ought to—" he raised a hand. She hissed at him.

Alti groaned. "As fascinating as I find this, we need to talk."

"About what?" Zina asked.

"Schedule change. The first performance of the Follies this season is next week at the Shriners' Arena, so we gotta pick up our pace."

"A week?" Boris gasped. "I thought it was in three weeks."

"It was. But the Militia Job Fair is all that week, in downtown Pocatello, so they moved it up to this week."

"Bastards!" snarled Boris.

"Look, Boris, what does it matter?" Zina said impatiently. "We might as well tell her now." She turned to Alti. "We were just talking about this whole thing a few minutes ago. Alti, we're sick of the skating. We're no good at it. So we're quitting."

Rage contorted the visage of the Mascara'ed One. "What? You can't quit! We have an agreement!"

"Screw the agreement," Zina retorted. "I'm not doing it anymore. I'm sick of wearing pink chiffon and skating to Whitney Houston."

"Should I let you pick the music?" Alti growled. "If I did, you would be banging your head on the ice to AC/DC."

Zina groaned. "Look, I just want out."

Alti looked to Boris, who was quiet, his face expressionless. "What do you think, Boris?"

"She speaks for us both," the Russian proclaimed.

"I see," Alti rumbled. She turned her head slightly, catching the attention of the blonde woman, who stepped out from behind the skating coach. "Well, I guess if that's your decision, Zina, then it's done. Oh, by the way, have I introduced you to my…new assistant?"

With a sensual shrug, the Blonde's short jacket fell away, revealing creamy bare shoulders above a halter top, followed by a firm, flat tummy and a short skirt. She pursed her full lips, winked at Zina, and purred a hello.

With delight Alti noted that her star skater's blue eyes were glazed with lust and her jaw shifting with the barely suppressed urge to devour the woman on the spot. So predictable, Zina, the coach thought. She smirked and watched as Boris fumed silently, figurative steam shooting out of his ears like a busy laundromat.

Eyes not moving from the Blonde, Zina groped blindly for her wallet, which was sunk into the pocket of her Levi's, draped on the couch. "Hey, Boris baby, why don't you an' Alti go down to the tavern for a while, have a couple rounds…" Absentmindedly she pulled a twenty from the pocket and tossed it in the general direction of her Russian companion.

Alti intercepted the flying money, and gently grasped Boris's arm, relieved to see that he was not protesting as she steered him toward the door. "We'll talk later about next week. All right, Zina?"

Like a bird of prey in a cocktail lounge, Zina took a few steps toward the Blonde, who tittered. "Sure, Alti, sure."

"See you at practice tomorrow?"

"Yeah, yeah, go on." Impatiently, she waved her coach away.

With a final shove Alti scooted Boris out the door and closed it behind her. Immediately, in rapid succession, she heard a low growl, a playful shriek, a giddy giggle, and a tortuous moan.

Boris heard it too. Oh great, now I really have to cheer him up, or else he'll spend all evening talking about Dostoevsky. She threw an arm around him. "Come on, Boris. Nothing but Stoli for you," she said. If we can find some in this Godforsaken town.

"Really?" he asked with timid hopefulness and puppy dog eyes.

"Really." Ah, as long as there's no shortage of blondes and vodka….

*****

Gabrielle glanced at the empty bottle of peach schnapps on the kitchen table. After Zina had begun the sad tale of her skating days, Boris had taken over the narrative, trying to explain the hold that Alti, their evil coach, had on them. In the interim Zina had wandered into the living room to watch a football game. It had taken him two hours and the empty bottle of liquor to complete his tale…which, unfortunately, had led into further discourse on the larger theme of the evening: Zina was an Evil Bitch Who Could Not Be Trusted.

He drained his glass of schnapps and slammed it on the table. "I put up with a lot of crap from her. First she dumps me for Lao Ma, then we're back together again and I thought everything was okay, then all of a sudden she's doing this blonde bitch…" A sob escaped him, and Gabrielle, cursing her good nature, found herself patting his arm.

"There there," soothed Gabrielle. "It's all over now, baby blue." Damn Cyrene, making me listen to Dylan over and over and over….

He sniffled into his shirt sleeve. "She'll do the same to you! You're better off without her," he said sullenly.

She stood up to stretch. "Boris, trust me. Zina's not like that anymore. She's a good person now. She's changed. She really has."

"WOO-HOO!!!! BUCKEYES!!!!!" came a scream from the living room. A few seconds later Zina strutted out, cocky and proud. "Goddamn forty-five yard TD! Sonofabitch!" She playfully slapped Gabrielle on the ass, grabbed a Rolling Rock from the fridge, then ambled back to the TV.

"Changed, huh?" Boris grunted.

Gabrielle rubbed her tingly butt and smiled. She hoped the strangely named football team would win, because it would put Zina in a really good mood afterward.

*****

Indeed, the fortunes of Zina's favorite college team held, and Gabrielle awoke the next morning with a sigh that signified blissful satisfaction. She wandered downstairs to find Zina in the kitchen, making one of her "power shakes": raw eggs with Tabasco sauce and seaweed.

"No good morning kiss for you," mumbled the sleepy poet as she padded into the kitchen.

The firefighter unleashed her evil laugh. "That's what you think," she growled happily, and swung Gabrielle up onto the counter, so that she was sitting among cracked eggs and dried bits of ocean gunk. Then Zina's lips fused with her own. And that burning sensation…was that the raven-haired woman's intense passion sizzling against her with tactile abandon, or was it the Tabasco?

Several minutes passed as they engaged in swapping heated spit, but as Gabrielle opened a lazy, lustful eye, movement from the living room, quite visible from her perch on the counter, caught her attention. Intrigued, she pulled away slightly from her partner, only to have the firefighter attach her lips to Gabrielle's neck. "Zina?"

"Mmmmm?"

"Why is Boris still here?"

The dark head flew back. "What?"

Gabrielle nodded toward the living room. "He's in there…" She and Zina peered intently in that direction. "…and he's eating my Cocoa Puffs!" shouted the poet.

"And he's wearing my pajamas!" Zina added with outrage. Disengaging herself from Gabrielle, she stomped into the living room and sat down on the couch beside Boris, who was watching "Donny and Marie" on TV.

"Good morning!" he said.

Fucking bastard. Always a morning person. "Boris, what the hell are you still doing here?"

"Zina, I told you last night…I am not going anywhere until you turn over our puppy." Boris did concede to himself that he could have picked his moment better. It was right after the Buckeyes won and the postgame makeout session was in full swing. ("Yay, Butt-Thighs!" Gabrielle had cried triumphantly as she was chased up the stairs.)

"I don't have our goddamn puppy! And another thing, he's probably a dog by now!"

"He will always be a 'puppy' to me, Natasha," Boris replied, letting slip the pet name he had sometimes called Zina when they were still together. They were Boris and Natasha, out to destroy Moose and Squirrel, and take over the world…."Well," he continued, with an exasperated sigh, "where is he?"

The firefighter stared guiltily into the distance.

"I, uh, gave him to Lao Ma."

He did an abortive Danny Thomas: instead of spewing milk and cereal all over the place, it only dribbled all over his beard. "You gave OUR PUPPY to Lao Ma??? Are you mad?"

She moaned. "Look, I'm sorry. We had broken up, and you left to play chess in Geneva, so…I didn't think I was fit to take care of a dog, Boris…"

"But…Lao Ma??? She probably turned him into a lunch special with an egg roll and choice of soup!"

"Cut that out. That's just some…whaddya call it…urbane legend," she replied nervously, chewing her lower lip. At least it better be, Lao!

"How could you?"

"Believe me, I didn't want to, Boris. I feel bad that I had to."

"Ha!" he shouted. "You felt bad about something. That's only slightly more amazing than the fact that some TV executive thinks that these eeeediots"—he pointed at the mugging Osmonds—"still have careers!"

In the interim Gabrielle had entered the living room; she too was munching

on the ambrosia of the lower classes, Cocoa Puffs. "Hey, who's that dopey guy who looks like Purdy?" she asked, gesturing toward the TV with her dripping, milky spoon.

5. Enter the Dragon

"This is stupid," grumbled Gabrielle, as she followed Zina into the Green Dragon. "Why can't he track down his own damn puppy?"

"Look, it's like a debt I have to repay," Zina muttered as they were underwhelmed by the dim lighting and the Orientalia of the restaurant: blood red and gold tones saturated the murals of Chinese characters and temples, and little figures dancing with giant peaches….

"Debt my ass," retorted the poet.

Just inside they were greeted by the surly visage of Ming Tien, Lao Ma's son, who, as usual, was manning the cash register. His skinny arms were folded over his Sailor Moon t-shirt. He sneered at them, adam's apple bobbing furiously. "Ah, my mother's erstwhile seductress dares to bring shame to our dwelling once again."

Zina snatched up a pair of complimentary chopsticks from a large bowl in front of the register. "I'm telling ya, kid, one of these days…" She mimed jamming the sticks into his head.

"Like I'm sooo afraid of you!" he taunted. She lunged at him and he skittered off his chair, seeking refuge behind Gabrielle.

"Stop it, both of you," Gabrielle chastised them. "Look, Zina, let's get this over with, okay?"

"Is she in the kitchen?" Zina barked at Ming Tien.

"Yeah," he replied, sulking.

The two women walked through the nearly empty restaurant to the kitchen. They found Lao idly stirring a huge cauldron of egg drop soup, which sat next to a metal table covered with a mini-army of little wax paper bags filled with dried noodles. "Ah, Zina. I knew you would come," she murmured with serene confidence.

Lao Ma's mystical side always fascinated the ex-con. "Yeah? How'd you know this time? A vision? Reading tea leaves? A talking eggroll?"

"No. Boris called me."

"Lazy bastard," muttered Gabrielle.

"Your jealous heart reveals itself, Gabrielle. Like a dumpling hiding spinach…soon, the truth is wedged bitterly between one's teeth."

Gabrielle rolled her eyes.

"Lao, baby," Zina began, folding her arms so that her supple biceps were highlighted, then tossing her black hair and grinning seductively, "you'll remember a few years back I gave you a puppy…"

"Ah, yes. A most unexpected gesture. Touching and beautiful."

"Thanks, Lao."

"Until you demanded money for the wretched creature."

"I just thought of that as a loan. Anyway, Lao, honey..." Zina stretched to emphasize her broad shoulders and perfectly rounded breasts. Lao's stirring of the egg drop soup grew agitated. And Gabrielle's blood simmered hotter than the most potent of Tabasco sauces.

"...I need the dog back. I'll buy him from you, even."

"Yes, I know. That's what Boris was calling about. He said he was sending you over, and that you would either seduce me or kill me for the dog."

"You know Boris. Loves to exaggerate. 'Cause if I kill anyone, it would be that bratty kid of yours."

Lao Ma sighed. "Ming Tien is so misunderstood....you see, I had to get rid of the dog for him."

"Whaaaaat?" Zina asked, with a growl building in her throat.

"Ming was the allergic to the animal. And it kept attacking him. So I took it to the local animal shelter."

"Attacking?" echoed Zina. "Lao, it's a dachshund, for Christ's sake."

"They have many sharp little teeth..."

"Yeah," drawled Gabrielle facetiously, "who can resist the raging dachshund?"

Lao Ma's cool eyes flickered to the angry poet. "A sarcastic bitch is like a Barbra Streisand CD: It yields unpleasantness for all within hearing range."

"Oh, yeah? Well, a bitch who drowns in a pot of egg drop soup is like…"

Zina and Lao watched, with anticipation, as Gabrielle struggled to find a metaphor. Both women raised eyebrows.

"…like….like…a bitch who drowns in a pot of egg drop soup!" In sheer frustration, Gabrielle kicked at the stove. Poor baby, Zina thought, she really is blocked.

A flicker of alarm crossed Lao Ma's face. "Gabrielle, do not kick my stove. Unless you want to find extra MSG in your next Szechuan Chicken." She turned to Zina. "Please, remove your dangerous girlfriend from the premises."

"C'mon, baby, let's go," Zina tugged gently on her companion's arm.

"Don't you threaten me with acronyms, you!" roared Gabrielle.

With a sigh, Zina flung the poet over a broad shoulder and exited the Green Dragon.

6. Of Pussies and Puppies

When Boris was not contentedly watching Sally Jessy Raphael, he pondered his ex-lover, Zina. It amazed him to see her so utterly under the thumb of this little blonde person, Gabrielle. The dark, dangerous woman who excited him so, who defied the law and good taste, well, she was now…what do they call it? Ah…pussy-whipped!

Now she knows what it's like, he thought spitefully.

The door of the farmhouse burst open, interrupting any further Russian ruminations. Zina stomped in, with Gabrielle on her heels.

"Did you have to hit the guy at the pound?" the strawberry blonde was complaining.

"Don't you give me any lectures, missy! You were about ready to cold cock Lao Ma at the restaurant!" the firefighter retorted angrily.

"Well, the difference here is that I didn't hit anyone, Zina. Besides, Lao Ma is a bitch."

"You're jealous."

"And you're practically homicidal!"

"I know I am! I've admitted it, Gabrielle! Whaddya want me to do, tell the world I'm gay? I'M GAY! I'M GAY!" Zina shouted to the heavens.

Gabrielle rolled her eyes in defeat. It's not even worth telling her.

"And you…you're a fine one to talk about us being homo-cidal. You haven't even told your parents yet!"

The poet flushed. "They're not ready to know!"

Boris decided that the ridiculous bickering had gone far enough, and it was time for a man—a force of reason—to intervene. "Did anyone bring 7-Up?" he asked calmly. "We're all out."

The two women stared at him. "What the hell are you still doing here?" Zina snarled.

"Zina, I told you…"

"Yeah, yeah, the dog. Well, I got news for you, Boris. The dog is in the pound and they won't let me have 'em unless I pay $1000."

The Russian's dark eyes swelled with emotion. "A thousand—but, they can't do that! Why is it so much money?"

"It's some stupid county law," Gabrielle said. "Zina was registered as the dog's owner, and since she 'abandoned' him and he ended up in the pound…well, they're fining her. It's a misdemeanor."

"Miss Demeanor? I once knew a drag gentleman by that name."

"Drag queen," Gabrielle corrected.

"Da." Boris looked over at Zina, who was slumped in the recliner, looking defeated. He squirmed—instinct told him something else was wrong. "What?" he prompted.

Gabrielle bit her lip nervously. "It's also a violation of Zina's parole, and if we don't pay the fine she'll go to jail."

Zina tried to convey indifference with a shrug. "I don't have that kinda money," the firefighter muttered. Damn. And I swore I would never go back….All the money they recovered from the sales of Barbecue Salsa Mayonnaise was gone, spent on their vacation and on fixing a dent in the Impala—Gabrielle's lone attempt at driving the fabled car having gone seriously awry when she accidentally ran over Crassus, one of Julie Caesar's dogs. The contrite poet had cried a river of tears on Zina's Black Sabbath t-shirt, but had eagerly agreed to the firefighter's plan to bury the dog in Farmer Draco's backyard and not tell Julie.

"I don't either, Zina," Boris implored, "but if we don't pay the money…they kill him."

"And you'll go to jail," Gabrielle added softly.

"Maybe they should just kill me and send the dog to prison," Zina grumbled darkly.

"Can they do that here?" asked the Russian, a mite too eagerly.

7. You Don't Need Pants for the Victory Dance

Gabrielle found the prospect of connubial visits at Shark Island Correctional Facility quite unappealing, and quickly decided upon the best approach to earning quick cash to keep her beloved out of the pen: She applied for employment at the Shimmy Shack.

Sid Moskowitz, the chubby, engaging proprietor of said establishment, was quite pleased when Gabrielle called him to inquire of job opportunities. Sid had an eye for natural talent, and ever since he had spotted Gabrielle in the supermarket, wearing Daisy Dukes and bending over to pick up a rather large box of detergent, he knew her assets would do well on his stage.

Nervously, Gabrielle walked into the dark, empty club. In the light of day, such an institution is rather like a gutted animal—hollow, smelly, dark, and dead. Nonetheless, Sid's cheery disposition did its best to dispel this impression. "Hiya, sweet pea!" Sid greeted her happily. "Glad you came!"

"Hi, Sid."

"How's that old psycho girlfriend of yours, baby?"

"She's fine."

"Yeah," he sighed wistfully. "I still remember the first time I met her. She was dealing dope in my club and I had her kicked out…later that same night, when I was closing up, she beat the crap out of me." He smiled nostalgically. "The very next day, I hired her as a bouncer. She was the best ever. I've never seen anyone inflict pain and humiliation the way she did!" Tears welled up in his eyes.

"That's a beautiful story, Sid. It gets more beautiful every time you tell it."

"Yeah." He moaned. "Ach, such memories! Now, honeycakes, before we get in too deep here….Zina does know about this, doesn't she?"

The blonde twitched. "Well, not yet. But I swear, Sid, she'll be cool with it. I mean, I'm doing it for her. We need the money to pay off all these fines and stuff about the dog."

"Yeah. Poor Killer."

"Killer?"

"That's the dachshund, sweet cheeks."

Gabrielle shook her head sadly. No wonder they never call him by his name. "It figures," she muttered.

"Okay, angel muffin, shall we get on with the interview?"

"Sure." Gabrielle slipped out of the long raincoat she was wearing, revealing a body clad in a lovely two-piece bikini.

Sid sucked in as much air as he could, as several blood vessels in his head threatened to burst. Having done so, he found himself unable to exhale—he was afraid that if he did so, this woman of sheer perfection might vanish. Or simply run away at the smell of his breath.

"Well?" demanded the poet impatiently, hands on hips.

"Are you kidding, honey?" he wheezed. "Just looking at you takes five years off my life span."

8. Benefits of the Missionary Position

The ritual began.

The lights were dimmed, candles were lit, and empty cans of Rolling Rock were lined up on the floor. Mentally, Zina counted them again. Twenty-four. Yes, that should do nicely. As usual, Gabrielle had requested that Zina play the softest music she had, which, unfortunately, was a tape of Joni Mitchell's Blue that Cyrene had left behind one evening. As the guitars tinkled gently and Joni mumbled something about the wind from Africa, Gabrielle entered. She sat on the bare floor near the cans and assumed the lotus position, while Zina wished that she were watching women's volleyball on ESPN. It wasn't that she really minded helping her girlfriend, once everything got started, but getting there just took so long. The firefighter suppressed a sigh….

…But apparently not well enough. A green eye opened and peered at her in annoyance.

"Sorry," she mumbled. She stretched out along the floor, waiting.

A few minutes passed while Gabrielle continued to meditate. The firefighter was about ready to fall asleep when the poet announced quietly, "I'm ready." The blonde unfurled her body from the yoga position and laid down on her back.

Zina, on her knees, loomed over her beloved. She reached for the first beer can. "Okay." Gently, she placed the can on its side against Gabrielle's bare midriff. It sat there precipitously, its green sheen merely the reflected glory of the poet’s eyes, until the young woman's body jackknifed with amazing speed and power….Zina had seen it happen many times, but it never failed to amaze her: The can was now flatter than the topography of Kansas.

"The Amazing Abs," Zina whispered in reverence. She removed the flattened can.

Gabrielle smiled proudly. "Plus the recycling people love me!" she crowed. "Next!"

Zina placed the second can on the poet's tummy. "Can't wait to see you at the club tomorrow night."

Crunch! "I'm really nervous, baby. I'm so glad you'll be there." Another innocent Rolling Rock can was placed in the abs of death. "I still can't believe"—Crunch! —"you're cool with this. I thought you'd be all pissed and everything."

"Are you crazy? It's like the dream of every red-blooded American dyke. To have a girlfriend who is an exotic dancer! I can go up to any slob in the crowd while they watch you dance, point at you, and say, 'That's my chick, man.' Ha!" she cackled in triumph.

"You're so fucked up," concluded Gabrielle with a sigh. Crunch!

"But you love me anyway," retorted Zina smugly.

"Like the way I love pork rinds: I know they’re bad, but I just can’t resist." The poet affirmed this with another crunch.

Zina pondered this. "That’ll do," she observed, as she selected another can. 9. Thanks for the Mammaries

Sid leaned against a wall in the club. He plucked at his black polyester shirt, which shimmered in the low light, and sighed. She simply isn't getting it, he thought. Such potential—I mean, oy! That body! But…. He had spent the last half an hour watching Gabrielle dance, or do something resembling dancing, and it was about as erotic as watching a spastic have a fit. He stopped the tape deck, and ZZ Top's "Gimme All Your Lovin'" once again died in an abrupt fashion, which mirrored the disjointed style of his private dancer. As silence filled the room, the young woman stumbled in her heels and fell onto her ass. She looked up at Sid helplessly.

"Sweet cheeks," he began warily, "hasn't Zina ever asked you to shake your titties, eh?"

Gabrielle blinked. "What the hell kind of question is that?" she asked, irritated. "It's none of your damn business." Carefully she stood up, hoping that no part of her skimpy bikini was askance; I'm not showing flesh until the meter starts running, she thought.

"Honey thighs, the name of this joint is the Shimmy Shack. You don't have to be goddamn Ginger Rogers to dance here, but…you need to shimmy. You need to shake it up. C'mon, stick 'em out, and vibrate. And later….when you latch onto that pole, you gotta hump it like hell. Okay?"

She stared at the dismal aluminum pole stuck in the middle of the stage. "But…it's a pole."

Sid sighed again, in utter exasperation. "Babycakes, aren't you a writer or somethin'?"

Gabrielle nodded furiously. "Do you need me to write—"

"No, I don't need you to write anything. All I'm saying is—use your imagination. Pretend that pole is Zina's thigh. Pretend all the guys you're dancing for are, like, a big lesbian soccer team or something."

The poet frowned skeptically.

"All right, a big, smelly, drunk lesbian soccer team."

Gabrielle's frown deepened. "All right, Sid. I'll do my best."

Sid smiled; he wasn't buying it. "Shit, sweetheart, I'm sorry you're having a rough time with this. Maybe Natalie can help you."

"Who's Natalie?"

"My best dancer, baby. Look, take a load off, go back in the dressing room. She'll be here soon."

*****

So Gabrielle went back into the bowels of the club, into the tiny dressing room she was to share with about three or four other women. She pulled on her t-shirt—the chilly air had made her nipples so erect and prominent that they could hail a taxi of their own accord. She sat down in front of a mirror. Scattered on the table in front of her were various accouterments of femininity: lipstick, rouge, baby powder, eyeliner, tampons …and a book. She picked it up, curiously—it was entitled A Separate Reality: Further Conversations with Don Juan.

As she started to page through the book, someone quietly entered the room.

"It's a great book," said a woman's voice.

Surprised, Gabrielle gave a little jump, then turned around. A woman with short blonde hair stood in the doorway, wearing jeans and a flannel shirt. Red alert! Red alert! Lesbian in the vicinity! Gabrielle's gaydar screamed. Nervously, the poet placed the book back where she found it. "Was this your book?" she asked the woman. "Sorry, just curious."

"No, no, it's all right," replied the woman. "It's nice to have someone around who's interested in the same thing." She walked over to Gabrielle and offered a hand. "Hi, I'm Natalie. Sid said I'd find you back here." Natalie's grasp was warm and tingly; Gabrielle felt a thumb brush lazily over the veins in the back of her hand. She squirmed slightly, partly uncomfortable and partly…aroused. "Gabrielle, is it?"

"Yeah, that's me." Natalie wouldn't let go of her hand. With a little tug, she finally reclaimed it.

"Cool. Sid said you're a student at the community college."

"I'm majoring in English."

"Wonderful! I used to teach there, you know."

Gabrielle brightened. "Really?"

"Yeah. I taught ethics. But then they got rid of the philosophy department. Cheap bastards. So I'm reduced to doing…this." Natalie waved her hand around the dismal dressing room.

"Sorry."

Natalie unleashed a dazzling smile. "Well, it's certainly not your fault." She began to strip rapidly, tossing her clothes over a lonely chair and revealing a thin, bikini clad form. "Okay, I guess I should show you some moves, like Sid said."

"Uh, sure, that'd be great. And, um, maybe afterward you can tell me all about this book," Gabrielle replied, picking up the Carlos Castaneda tome again.

"Oh, I'd love to!" responded the blonde stripper enthusiastically. She knelt down in front of Gabrielle, between the young poet's legs, and gazed at her with shining eyes. What the hell is she on? Gabrielle wondered, all the while fighting the delicious chills that turned her thighs all goose-pimply. "It's such a wonderful book. One of my favorites. It helps you see the world in a totally different way…"

*****

The blue Volkwagen sputtered to a halt in front of the Shimmy Shack. Cyrene took the keys out of the ignition, and looked over at her daughter, whose knees were pressed uncomfortably against the dash; she had forgotten that cramming Zina in her tiny VW bug was like putting Michael Jordan on a tricycle: It was not a good fit.

"Y'know, this is the kind of place I used to picket in the 70s, Zina," Cyrene grumbled.

"Look, Mom, don't start. She's just doing it for the money." Zina's muscular forearms were folded. While the firefighter was quite happy to show off her lover's body to the world, she was rather concerned that the look, don't touch policy firmly entrenched in her mind—and echoed by Sid's frequent admonitions to the crowd—would fall apart within the reality of the Shimmy Shack. She had been a bouncer too long at the dump to think otherwise. It made her tense. And a tense Zina was a hairsbreadth away from punching out anyone who dared annoy her.

Cyrene sighed. "You owe me for this, honey."

"The White Russians are on me, Mom."

*****

"I-I think I'm getting stage fright," Gabrielle stammered.

"I think you're just nauseous from eating three Snickers bars," Sid rumbled at her.

They were standing backstage. Natalie was on, dancing to "You Spin Me Right Round (Like a Record)."

"Oh shit, Sid…what if I bomb?"

"Honey, you're not gonna bomb. Just remember, you got the bod. You're halfway there. Shimmy the T, wiggle the A, hump the pole, and you'll be fine."

Wild applause and wolf whistles followed the sweaty Natalie as she left the stage. The number of $20 bills stuffed down the enticing pouch of her g-string made her look like she was packing in an odd kind of way. "Whew!" she said to Sid and Gabrielle, pushing damp strands of her blonde hair away from her face. "Those boys are primed now. They'd go nuts even if Shelley Winters went out there and danced."

Gabrielle gave a look of despair.

"Aw, Gabrielle! I'm just kidding!" Natalie hugged her impulsively. In her nervous state, having an attractive sweaty female body rubbing up against her own was almost too much. Almost. Natalie pulled away and all parties present noticed that the poet's nipples were harder than bullets.

"Well, somebody's ready to perform," Sid noted wryly. He patted her behind—Gabrielle resisted the urge to deck him—and headed onto the stage, in order to announce her.

"Just remember your mantra, Gabrielle," Natalie reminded her.

The young blonde nodded. "Yeah…shimmy the T, wiggle the A, hump the pole…" she mumbled.

"Actually I meant the other one we came up with. You know, your personal one: 'love, pop-tarts, and peace.' "

"Oh. Right. But hey, Natalie, like, aren't you supposed to not say it out loud?"

"Aw, shit!" the former professor winced.

"Gentlemen, we have a new performer tonight…I'd like you to give a warm welcome to…GABRIELLE!"

The poet stumbled toward the stage, and hesitated; her nerves felt so exposed that she imagined them—and not her body—bathed in lurid swaths of multicolored stage lights.

"Go toward the light!" Natalie shouted.

And which fucking light was that?

*****

"Wow, man, that was awesome," Cyrene babbled as she and Zina wound their way through dark hallways to the dressing room. "I mean, I never knew that she was so—" Cyrene's hands cupped imaginary breasts.

"Mom, shut the fuck up. You are seriously freaking me out," Zina retorted, while pondering the closed door in front of her. Her blood seethed with lust…who knew Gabrielle could dance so seductively? Zina had only ever witnessed the pogo-like maneuvers of the poet as she did the "Blitzkrieg Bop" to her favorite Ramones song. But now, she wanted nothing more than do ravish her companion…after that.

She kicked open the door. Cyrene rolled her eyes. Drama queen.

Zina's baby blues were greeted by the sight of Natalie painting Gabrielle's toenails while the poet pored over the Castaneda book. She did not miss the adoring look that the strange blonde woman was giving to her scantily-clad girlfriend, even though Gabrielle was clearly clueless to the attentions of the ex-professor. Indeed, if Oblivion were a town, Gabrielle would be mayor.

Nonetheless, at the startling sound of the door bursting open, both women turned their attention to the dark-haired firefighter.

"Baby!" Gabrielle squealed. "What did ya think?" She jumped up and ran over to Zina. The furious exchange of saliva prompted Natalie to read the label on the bottle of Dangerous Pomegranate nail polish and Cyrene to examine a selection of tassels hanging from the wall.

Zina broke off the kiss. "You were fantastic, baby. The best ever."

"Thanks…hey, I made almost $25 in tips!" she pointed to the bureau, littered with crumpled currency.

"That's great!"

"Yeah, I mean, I can't believe it…couple more weeks, we should have your fine paid off."

"Er, Gabrielle, why don't you introduce me to your—partner?" Natalie piped up unctuously.

" 'Partner?' " echoed Zina. "We don't work together. We sleep together."

She glowered at Natalie.

"Oh, uh, Zina, this is Natalie…she, uh, used to teach at Olympus." Nervously, Gabrielle looked from one woman to the other. Her new "mentor" and her beloved were not getting on well at all. "Honey, Natalie taught me how to dance. Ain't it great?"

Zina arched an eyebrow. Natalie smirked. "Yeah, great," muttered the firefighter.

"Well, I'm off…" said the blonde stripper breezily. She sailed past the three women, giving Gabrielle a wink. "See you tomorrow, Gabrielle." And she was gone.

Gabrielle disentangled herself from Zina. "You coulda been nicer, you know," she chastised sullenly, as she slipped on a t-shirt.

"I never said I was a nice person," Zina shot back.

In the interim, Cyrene had noticed the book lying on the bureau. She picked it up. "Oh man!" she cackled. "I haven't seen this used as a seduction technique since 1972!"

"Whaddya mean, seduction?" snarled Zina. Her blue eyes snapped to Gabrielle. Who looked away.

"Don't be silly, Cyrene," scoffed Gabrielle. "Excuse me, I have to go see Sid about my schedule for next week." With a cultivated, haughty air borne of careful examination of Joan Collins in Dynasty, the exotic dancer left the room.

Zina half-leaned, half-sat against the makeup table, looking defeated. "Shit, Mom."

Ah, my articulate child. "Look, honey, who knows what this chick is all about. But I'm sure Gabrielle is happy with you…and doesn't want to look elsewhere."

"I'm not so sure," mumbled the firefighter. "Maybe she needs to be with someone…like that. You know, who reads and stuff. Who understands poetry."

"…And who doesn't sit in an open pot of rouge." Cyrene concluded, nodding at Zina's behind. Zina jumped up, cursing. Her mother patted her arm affectionately. "I'll wait outside, in the car." The older woman ambled out the door.

*****

After confirming her schedule with Sid for the following week, Gabrielle was about to return to her dressing room when she was intercepted at the bar.

"Sweetie!" shrieked Chad, her fellow homo student at OCCC. He hugged Gabrielle. "You were fabulous!" Gabrielle was relieved to note that Chad wore no incendiary t-shirts, like I'M NOT GAY BUT MY ACADEMIC ADVISOR IS (an advertisement actually true). Although sporting a lilac-colored Ralph Lauren Polo shirt among the Shimmy Shack crowd was asking to be noticed.

"Aw, Chad, you came! I'm really glad."

"Oh, mary…" He took her face in his hands. "You have no idea how many screwdrivers I had to get through this…"

Vodka-influenced breath wafted over her. She blanched. "Yes, Chad. Yes I do."

"But Good God, Gab. I didn't know Natalie Hood was strutting her stuff here too."

"Hey, so you know her?"

Chad's eyes widened. "Oh yeah…man, I'm so glad they fired her."

"Fired? She told me they closed the philosophy department."

"Oh. that little liar!" Chad exclaimed petulantly. "No, she was canned for sexual harassment. She would pick a student she liked, and try to seduce them. You know, say she'd give them a higher grade." His thin lips trembled. "She even tried it with me once!"

"Duh, can't she tell you're gay?"

"That's what I said!" Chad wailed.

Gabrielle frowned in thought. Maybe Zina was right not to be suspicious of her. I mean, the big dope is right about some things…I should give her more credit. "Chad, I gotta go…I have to finish dressing" –the collective eyes of the bar were devouring her bikini'ed bottom, making her nervous—"and Zina's waiting for me."

" 'Kay, sweetie…Tell Zina I said hi, and that I want a date with a firefighter real soon."

When Gabrielle returned to the dressing room, Zina was swatting her Levi-clad butt with a towel.

"Baby, what the hell are you doing?"

"I got…stuff on my ass." Upon closer examination, the poet saw that some reddish powder clung to the denim. She chuckled. Zina scowled.

"I swear, you're like a big kid sometimes…" Gabrielle took the towel from her companion's hands. She dampened a corner with some bottled water left behind by Natalie, then successfully removed the powder. "Maybe this'll teach you not to sit on things a body shouldn't be sitting on."

"Yeah, right," grumbled Zina.

They were quiet for almost a minute.

"Do you…like her?" prompted the firefighter quietly. To mask her nervousness—which only emphasized it even more—she toyed with a stray cosmetic applicator…what it was exactly, she had no frigging idea.

"Who? Natalie?"

"Well, yeah."

Gabrielle shrugged. "I guess I did at first. I thought she was kinda cool…"

"And you thought she was cute."

" Yeah, she's cute…but so what? I just saw Chad outside, and he told me she's really an asshole."

"Really?" Zina frowned. "I had a bad feeling about her."

"You were right, honey. I'm sorry." The poet wrapped her arms around Zina's waist and propped her chin on the firefighter's broad shoulder. "So, um, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you jealous or anything. I love you, you big jerk."

Zina grinned. "And I love you too, you little bitch." She exhaled with relief. "Wow…so I was right about her, huh?" Gabrielle nodded. "I'm glad I'm right about something."

"You have good instincts, Zina. Except about your own strength."

"Huh?"

Gabrielle nodded at Zina's hand. Which was covered in inky black stuff. "You just crushed my eyeliner."

*****

Three weeks passed and the appropriate funds were procured, upon which Killer was sprung from the pound. Now, Boris was sprawled happily in the backyard with his dog. "There's my boy," he cooed, as Killer charged at him, the dachshund's ears flopping merrily.

"Your move," Zina grunted. The firefighter sat at the picnic table, where a chessboard lay before her. She had spent 20 minutes pondering how to put Boris into check. Having failed this particular objective, she opted for rearranging some of his pieces.

With a sigh, Boris stood up and returned to their chess match. Tomorrow he was off to Brussels for another tournament, with Killer in tow, and had decided to get in some practice with Zina before leaving. She was a good player, he admitted to himself, but her endgame was a weakness: She would grow impatient and then, ultimately, lose.

He sat down in front of the board and frowned, glaring at her. She simpered. He restored his knight and queen to their original positions.

Meanwhile, inside the farmhouse, Gabrielle was fending off Sid's advances, such as they were: "But, honey tits, are you sure you wanna hang up your G-string? You're my most popular dancer now!" the club owner protested as he stood in the kitchen and watched the lovely blonde make chocolate chip cookies.

"It's tempting, Sid…"

"I'll say."

Gabrielle stopped mixing cookie dough. "What do you mean by that?" she demanded.

"I got a good look at that car of yours. Oy, baby. An Escort? And it's gotta be rustier than Jesse Helms's dick."

A new car would be nice…Her lips twitched, but she said nothing.

Sid stroked his beard thoughtfully. He knew she was tempted. He decided to try another offer. "Look, sweetie, you know…I make movies too." He sidled up next to her. "And the money for that is even bigger than the dancing!" he whispered gleefully.

Gabrielle dropped her wooden spoon, covered in yummy cookie dough gunk. "You want me to be in porno?" she sputtered.

"Baby lamb, just one film will net you close to ten thou. You could buy yourself a Saturn, for God's sake!"

Her expression remained doubtful.

Damn. I almost had her. "Look, Gab, it's not really porno. It's erotica. There's a difference, y'know. Smart girl like you should know that." Still, she looked less than convinced as she rinsed off the wooden spoon. "This film that I want you to be in…it's ground-breaking, sugar cake. It really is. I can honestly say that there is no other film like it in existence. It touches me on a deep, religious level—in fact, I consider it a service to my people, because it's the first of its kind." Her green eyes fluttered with intrigue. He grinned. "You wanna know what it is?" he said eagerly.

"Yeah!" she exclaimed, caught up in his enthusiasm.

"The first ever Orthodox Jewish erotic film: Rabbi or Not, Here I Come."

Gabrielle groaned. "Jesus, Sid."

"Now that's one personage who will not be in this film." She shook her head and wiped her hands on a kitchen towel. "Come on, Hasidim deserve to have lively sex lives too, you know."

Through the back door Gabrielle saw a flash of movement: It was Zina, pinning Boris to the ground and trying to jam a rook into his ear. "Poor baby, she lost again," the poet murmured.

Sid noticed this too. "Ah, good old Zina. Making the world a little more dangerous," he sighed appreciatively.

"Yep, good old Zina," Gabrielle agreed happily.

"Who's that fine-looking fellow, babycakes? I think he would make a good rabbi."

Gabrielle flung open the back door. "Zina! Boris! Both of you knock it off, or no cookies!"

"She started it!" shouted Boris.

Zina sulked from her position, sitting on Boris's chest. Angrily he slapped her muscular thigh. "Get off me, you eeediot! I want cookies!"

She raised an eyebrow in disdain, and stood up.

Sid bustled past Gabrielle. "Zina, baby, what do you think of your girlfriend starring in a porn movie of her own? Eh?"

The blue eyes froze. Sid raised his hands in hapless self-defense. "But sugar lump, I got this great idea...maybe you could play the rabbi who seduces Gabrielle..." Sid brightened at his own idea. "This is great," he murmured to himself. "It increases the kink factor!"

"Rabbi?" Both dark eyebrows lifted, and a strange expression came over Zina's lovely face. With a shock, Gabrielle realized her lover was...thinking.

"Zina!" she cried. "You can't be serious!"

"Well, why not? You were real good in that home video we made—"

From his position on the ground, Boris nodded vigorously. "I agree! It was a wonderful performance!"

The blonde poet went pale. "You showed him...the tape?" Many months ago, a rainy Sunday and a borrowed video camera had yielded a long-playing tape filled with about five hours of frenetic sex, fifteen minutes of arguing, twenty minutes of eating pizza, and twenty-five minutes of Gabrielle napping and snoring between orgasms.

"Well, when Hank and Effie saw it they both thought that you were faking it in that one scene, you know, the one with the"—the firefighter made a vague hand gesture which could have represented anything from a kumquat to a plastic water gun—"and Ed wasn't sure, so I wanted another opinion..."

"For myself, I must say I was very convinced!" Boris declared solemnly. "A scream like that, it comes from the heart. Or someplace, um, similar."

"That’s what Mom said too." Zina replied, feeling affirmed.

Sid, hands on hips, whined, "Now why haven't I seen this?"

Zina recognized the fury in her companion's green eyes and, throwing down the gauntlet of a shit-eating grin, took off running.

"Oh, you better run!" Gabrielle shouted after her. "'Cause someone's gonna be on the receiving end of the strap-on tonight, and it ain't me, missy!" Which is probably exactly what she wants anyway. As she dashed into the twilight, leaving the menfolk alone with the cookie dough, Gabrielle felt her anger dissipate as she followed the unmistakable laughter of the firefighter.

THE END

#xena #xena warrior princess #xena/gabrielle #xena/gabrielle fanfiction #author: vivian darkbloom #mature #femslash #fanfiction

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mintiemarmalade · 5 years

Photo

GET TO KNOW ME TAG

Rules: Post a picture of your simself with your traits and answer the questions so your followers can get to know you better!

I was tagged by the lovely @surreysimmer, @racingllama + @storylegacysims! Thank you so much bbs. ♡

I tag @pixeloasis, @simsiecakes + @gottacatchemallsims.

This has literally been sitting in my drafts halfway finished for the past week. Tbh I completely forgot about it until @storylegacysims tagged me this morning. 🙈

Anywhooo, this is my simself. I’ve given her the geek, goofball + foodie traits. (Truthfully, glutton would probably be more accurate but your simself is supposed to be a better, more ideal version of yourself, right?)

Questions below the cut ↴

1. What is your name?

Kayla

2. What is your nickname?

My family calls me Katy / Katy bug, for some reason.

3. Birthday?

June 17, 1994

4. What is your favorite book series?

Harry Potter, duh.

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

Yes

6. Who is your favorite author?

J.K. Rowling, duh.

7. What is your favorite radio station?

Octane, Pop2K, and PopRocks on Sirius XM.

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything?

Chocolate, banana, or pumpkin.

9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful?

Lovely, wonderful, superb, idk all are viable options.

10. What is your current favorite song?

I honestly don’t even know.

11. What is your favorite word?

TUFT

12. What was the last song you listened to?

Misery Business by Paramore (I have my beloved throwback playlist playing.)

13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch?

Boy Meets World - I firmly believe that the world would be a much better place if everyone had Mr. Feeny as a teacher.

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down?

Harry Potter or pretty much any Disney / Pixar movie.

15. Do you play video games?

Way too much, if I’m being honest.

16. What is your biggest fear?

Being alone, rejection, socializing, tight / crowded spaces, etc. I’m a big scaredy cat, okay. Leave me alone.

17. What is your best quality, in your opinion?

I’m hilarious. I’m incredibly caring and loyal.

18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion?

My crippling anxiety.

9. Do you like cats or dogs better?

DOGS but cats are nice too.

20. What is your favorite season?

Fall - I sweat less and all the bugs die.

21. Are you in a relationship?

N O P E

22. What is something you miss from your childhood?

Innocence, being naive to how terrible the world actually is.

23. Who is your best friend?

Hannah ♡

24. What is your eye color?

Green

25. What is your hair color?

Auburn

26. Who is someone you love?

My dog

27. Who is someone you trust?

Hannah

28. Who is someone you think about often?

My sims

29. Are you currently excited about/for something?

CHRISTMAS

30. What is your biggest obsession?

The Sims, probably.

31. What was your favorite TV show as a child?

Boy Meets World

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone?

Aaron and Joe, I suppose.

33. Are you superstitious?

Nope

34. Do you have any unusual phobias?

Fun fact, butterflies cause me a lot of anxiety for some reason. Conveniently, I found this out while in a one of those butterfly sanctuaries at the zoo.

35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

Behind. I’m quite literally the least photogenic person ever.

36. What is your favorite hobby?

Playing video games, eating, sleeping. Do those count?

37. What was the last book you read?

I... actually don’t know?

38. What was the last movie you watched?

Crimes of Grindelwald.....

39. What musical instruments do you play, if any?

I mean, not to brag or anything but I played the recorder in fourth grade~

40. What is your favorite animal?

SLOTHS

41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow?

You can’t make me choose.

42. What superpower do you wish you had?

Teleportation

43. When and where do you feel most at peace?

When I’m with Hannah tbh.

44. What makes you smile?

Making other people smile / laugh.

45. What sports do you play, if any?

Sports hurt.

46. What is your favorite drink?

Sweet tea

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody?

I have no idea.

48. Are you afraid of heights?

My fear of heights is directly correlated with my probability of falling.

49. What is your biggest pet peeve?

People who are rude to food service / retail employees.

50. Have you ever been to a concert?

Yes

51. Are you vegan/vegetarian?

I could never.

52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Teacher

53. What fictional world would you like to live in?

Stars Hollow

54. What is something you worry about?

Literally everything.

55. Are you scared of the dark?

Sometimes, it depends.

56. Do you like to sing?

Like to, yes. Am I any good? Not at all.

57. Have you ever skipped school?

Yes

58. What is your favorite place on the planet?

Wherever my friends are.

59. Where would you like to live?

I care less about where exactly and more about having the people I love near me.

60. Do you have any pets?

Yes, one doggo named Neville.

61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl?

NIGHT OWL

62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better?

Sunsets

63. Do you know how to drive?

Yes

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones?

Earbuds - headphones make my ears feel claustrophobic.

65. Have you ever had braces?

Nope

66. What is your favorite genre of music?

Early to mid 2000′s punk~ I never outgrew my emo phase, sorry mom.

67. Who is your hero?

My mom

68. Do you read comic books?

69. What makes you the most angry?

Seeing those I love get hurt / taken advantage of.

70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book?

I prefer the experience of a real book but I do appreciate the convenience of an electronic device.

71. What is your favorite subject in school?

Psychology

72. Do you have any siblings?

One brother + one sister

73. What was the last thing you bought?

Christmas presents!

74. How tall are you?

5′4

75. Can you cook?

I mean, I can follow a recipe sometimes.

76. What are three things that you love?

My mom, my friends, and my dog.

77. What are three things that you hate?

Tomatoes, socks, and loud noises.

78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends?

Well, I guess more male friends, with a ratio of 2:1. (I only have three friends lol.) Unless we’re also counting internet friends, then the females far outnumber the males.

79. What is your sexual orientation?

Straight

80. Where do you currently live?

Southern Illinois

81. Who was the last person you texted?

Hannah

82. When was the last time you cried?

Probably yesterday over something stupid. I cry a lot lol.

83. Who is your favorite YouTuber?

Jenna Marbles

84. Do you like to take selfies?

Not really, no.

85. What is your favorite app?

DISCORD

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like?

Mom - decent. Dad - non-existent.

87. What is your favorite foreign accent?

All of them. Accents are so cute OMG.

88. What is a place that you've never been to, but you want to visit?

Japan

89. What is your favorite number?

90. Can you juggle?

Lol no.

91. Are you religious?

Yes

92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting?

SPACE

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil?

Not at all

94. Are you allergic to anything?

Deathly allergic to sulfa - the doctors almost killed me when I was a baby.

95. Can you curl your tongue?

Yes

96. Can you wiggle your ears?

Nope

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something?

This is complicated because I doubt myself a LOT but I’m also incredibly stubborn.

98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach?

Beach

99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?

On the last day of my senior year, my history teacher left us with two words of advice before we departed: 1) never tattoo your face, and 2) don’t give your kids a stupid name. It still makes me laugh whenever I think about it.

100. Are you a good liar?

101. What is your Hogwarts House?

HUFFLEPUFF ♡

102. Do you talk to yourself?

Pfft she and I have full-blown conversations sometimes~

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

More accurately, I would consider myself an ambivert.

104. Do you keep a journal/diary?

I’ve never been able to keep up with one.

105. Do you believe in second chances?

I do, and it kicks me in the ass more often than not.

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?

Try to return it.

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change?

Yes, but the person must be willing to change.

108. Are you ticklish?

Yes

109. Have you ever been on a plane?

Once, when I was five.

110. Do you have any piercings?

Nope

111. What fictional character do you wish was real?

CatDog, I have so many questions~

112. Do you have any tattoos?

113. What is the best decision that you've made in your life so far?

To love myself

114. Do you believe in karma?

I don’t know, maybe.

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts?

Glasses - I’ve never worn contacts.

116. Do you want children?

Eventually, yes...

117. Who is the smartest person you know?

Aaron’s a pretty smart dude, I suppose.

118. What is your most embarrassing memory?

My existence in and of itself is embarrassing tbh.

119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter?

Many, many times. I stay up for 48+ hours sometimes~

120. What color are most of you clothes?

I own a lot of blue apparently.

121. Do you like adventures?

Yes, as long as they don’t involve any strenuous activity.

122. Have you ever been on TV?

Not that I know of.

123. How old are you?

124. What is your favorite movie quote?

I honestly don’t know.

125. Sweet or savory?

SAVORY

#this was so long omg #but FUN #personal #non sims

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ahgasescenarios · 6 years

Text

NCT 127 Reaction: their foreign girlfriend introduces them to their country's food |Requested|

A/N: I'm still just a beginner with reactions so bear with me, but I hope you guys enjoy this reaction! Let me know if you want me to do more of these, I've been thinking about my content a lot lately and would love to get some feedback from you guys.

Taeil

I feel like Taeil would be the most reluctant to try. You'd be at a traditional restaurant in your hometown with Taeil and when the food came out, his facial expression would automatically change into one of surprise. He would try your homeland's food, but I don't think he'd like it very much. (although this cutie would apologize non-stop so you don't hate him plz protect)

Johnny

The two of you would be strolling down the streets of your country, hand in hand. The smell of street food would make both of you hungry so you'd try and find a booth with good food. You settled for one that served traditional food and Johnny would be so excited to try that he'd almost forget to pay. Once he tasted it, he would exaggerate so much (a bit like Lucas would lol), expressing his content with silly faces and dramatic poses. You'd be embarrassed for a sec before realizing he's doing this all because he loves you. (I'm soft)

Yuta

Yuta would be the kind of person to keep a cold exterior but be all giddy inside. You'd ask him if he wanted to go for your country's kind of food and he'd be like "yeah sure" but on the inside, he'd be all like "omg she wants me to eat her country's food how cute is she". So when you'd actually be there, you'd be gauging his every move and he'd just let out a satisfied "it's delicious" when he'd be thinking about how cute you were all excited for him to taste. He'd probably make you cook him the same food like the next day though 'cause that's just Yuta and he loves you plz take care of him.

Winwin

I don't know why, but I feel like Winwin would be so confused poor child. You'd be walking around when you found a traditional restaurant and would practically drag him inside. He'd be so busy studying the interior that he wouldn't notice when the waiter came over and you had to order. He'd pick the first thing he saw on the menu (literally me) and when his meal came, it'd be a mixture of liking it and not. He'd be confused at the mix of flavors since it wasn't something he was used to, but he'd definitely be open to giving it another try.

Jaehyun

You'd be cuddling on the couch when you'd randomly ask: "have you ever had (your country) food?"

"Hum, no, why?"

You'd stand up abruptly, shocked at his answer. You'd start planning out the entire evening so he'd be able to enjoy all the best your country's food had to offer. He'd just look at you in awe, his chin resting on his hand. He would be so busy watching you that he would totally forget that there was food involved in the equation.

When you got there though, he would be surprised at how good it tasted and he would compliment the chef and have a newfound respect for your country's food. Would probably ask you when you'd come back and you'd just blush aw he's so cute.

Taeyong

I feel like you would be at your parents' house with him when he'd taste your country's traditional food for the first time. You'd be seated at dinner (Taeyong would be nervous af) and the second he'd taste the food, his entire face would light up, especially his eyes. He'd tell your parents how good the food was and he would literally only talk about food for the entire ride home (and would force you to cook him some when the two of you got back). He'd be so cute about it, being all passionate about learning new things about you aw what a sweetheart.

Doyoung

The two of you would be visiting your hometown for the weekend and you'd decided to stay in that day. You started cooking because you were bored and you ended up making him your country's favorite. You'd be all excited when you laid it in front of him.

"(Y/N), did you make this?" He'd raise a brow suspiciously.

"Yes, why?"

"Well, darling, are you sure this is food? I'm sure cat food tastes better than this."

He wouldn't stop teasing you about it, because he really didn't like it lol oops maybe you're not the best cook after all.

Haechan

Oh god, this boy. I feel like he'd make such a big deal out of it (overdramatic much). You'd offer him some food you brought back from your homeland and he'd be like:

"Food? For me?"

"Well yeah, Haechan that's why I'm giving it to you." duh

"So you're giving me this gift because I'm the most handsome, perfect boyfriend you've ever had?"

"Yeah, sure"

You'd shrug it off as you always did and he'd run away from you to eat his food without worrying about you eating any of it.

Mark

(lol Mark is like 2 in this gif can we take a moment)

You would be grocery shopping for the both of you when you caught sight of your favorite childhood snack on a shelf. You picked up a few when you realized they had never been there before and practically ran back to the dorm in excitement. When you showed up, Mark would be all worried that something was wrong, but he'd turn all soft when he saw your childish grin.

"Mark! They had my favorite snack at the grocery store, I haven't had these since the last time I went back home!"

You were so excited about it, but you offered him a bag right away.

"Are you sure?"

He'd be all concerned because he knew how much the snack meant to you, but he'd give in eventually. When he tasted it though, boy did he want to take a trip to your homeland (cue Mark's extra ass reaction to food).

Masterlist

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defenestrata · 5 years

Note

slowly slides in and places fred + all on ur desk :) time for Perishing !

sdjfsdhjfsdhi’m love you. okay so ladies and gents we are taking a trip away from london and korea and heading to the united states which is where this is set, massachusetts most specifically. onto freddie —

QUESTIONS FOR YOUR OCs

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

a solid five minutes. he’s not hyperactive or anything, but just, the feeling of doing nothing is so awful to him. he has no chill. meditation isn’t real. also like, he sometimes gets little intrusive thoughts if he’s tired.

How easy is it for your character to laugh?

surprisingly easy ! fred laughs at a lot of things, despite how preppy and harsh he may seem at first. of course, half of it is either fake or a bit overenthusiastic but he’ll laugh. he’ll laugh at a lot of things.

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

usually studying for a bit — he does that before bed anyway. otherwise, it’s usually not that hard for him to fall asleep. he works hard and sleeps harder.

How easy is it to earn their trust?

no one has ever earned frederick michael estelle’s full trust. not his father, not his mother, not his two step-mothers, not his brother, not any of his friends. it’s for the better that way, in his opinion. superficial trust for small things though, is easy to earn, so long as you’re a decent human being.

How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

well, whatever someone has done really has to bother him on a very moral level in order for him to genuinely refuse to trust someone even superficially. otherwise, because he rarely shares his secrets or deep considerations, trust isn’t even a big deal to him.

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

at the beginning of his character development, he has an enormous respect for law, and considers them completely immovable. over time, he comes to understand the flaws of modern america and adopts a less extremist point of view.

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

drives with packed cars. diners. marble floors. loads of things. fred’s childhood was peak americana, with an upper class vibe to boot. he spent a lot of time at dinner parties and in tuxedos, in debates, getting a convertible for his sixteenth birthday and so forth. what in generally triggers the most nostalgia for him is his home city ; boston. god, he loves that place, despite all its flaws. and he loves that feeling, especially because he can always relive many of his memories that are related to the city.

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?

fred was a good kid, to be quite honest. he was always determined to impress everyone around him, so he’d bend to their will if they wanted him to act a certain way. refinement? you got it. charisma? work up the charm. intelligence? bring it on. if anything, he had some frustration and anger issues in his teens, especially in between his father’s marriages, and he was told to shut up and deal with it. and that’s what he did.

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

like a motherfucking sailor. he may be WASP-y but he’s seen how much high society curses, so go ahead. swearing is a more effective way of getting rid of anger than — breaking things, or whatever other people might do. and fred is bad at bottling things up. first swear word was probably ‘fuck’. a classic. and he has immense respect for classics.

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

fred doesn’t lie too often, but he does make a lot of false promises, mostly related to visiting his family. he hates going back home, which is unfortunate considering he studies less than an hour away from his hometown. he’s tried everything from the ‘i’m sick’ excuse to ‘declamation club’ to ‘broken ankle’ to avoid visits.

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

perish. he’s a stubborn fool who will try to understand everything on his own terms, and if he gets an incomplete picture, too bad, he’ll live with it. although he knows he probably won’t get an incorrect picture in the first place, he’s just way too thorough for that.

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

get a friend to scratch it for him. duh.

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

fred looks pretty good in sober colours, and its what he usually wears too. but, just as a wild card, he does look really, really, good in more adventurous choices, especially stark whites, blacks and even reds. but he’ll never wear them, he hates looking loud and attention-seeking.

What animal do they fear most?

no animal. why the hell would you be scared of animals in new england —

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

extremely confident, and he’s well-capable of thinking as he talks without much hesitation. it’s really one of his best talents, making sense while giving great presentations with fantastic oration. he doesn’t need to rehearse jack.

What makes their stomach turn?

people crying or screaming, it just has him totally taken aback, which he’s not as used to as you’d think. he is utterly incapable of handling debates in a rational manner if he’s being goddamn screamed at.

Are they easily embarrassed?

surprisingly, yes. underneath that façade of utter and sheer confidence, he’s really concerned with maintaining that impression with others. he doesn’t take kindly to being humiliated or having his pride attacked. he won’t respond with embarassment as much as he’ll respond with unbridled rage. and angry fred is terrifying.

What embarrasses them?

levity in situations which do not need it. so pranks, mocking jokes, being teased or belittled in public. compliments don’t embarass him one bit until they become on the subject of his looks. then he gets a little flushed, but flattered nonetheless.

What is their favourite number?

why does that even matter ?? ( it’s 9. )

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

he’d bark at being asked to define familial love, he’d say it doesn’t exist. and then if you asked about platonic and romantic love he’d tell you to buzz off. it’s one of the questions he just doesn’t know how to answer. in his conception, if he’d want to kiss them and marry them, it’s romantic.

Why do they get up in the morning?

because you don’t get rich and hit it big without fucking working. he’s actually really driven, half out of demonic pressures to do well, and half out of spite for his brother, who he has to out-do in every respect.

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?

jealous fred is the worst. he will get so aggressive and possessive and rude, with seemingly little control. however, it takes a lot to push him to that limit, and he’s usually good at warding off encroachers on what’s his before they even try to make a move.

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)?

there’s really only one thing that he’s envious about — the love and attention his parents give his elder brother nicholas who’s just as much of a prick as he is, except just a little less concerned with doing the right thing. and he’s pretty much made it his life’s goal to get to the world of finance quicker than nick and do better.

Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom?

kind of ? he’s a hot-blooded teenager so it’s not like sex is something sinful or foreign to him, but he doesn’t really discuss it with people anyway because there’s no one he’s close enough to talk to about it. also, why would you talk about it anyway — it’s not even something worth discussing.

What are their thoughts on marriage?

to summarise: marriage is great, but only if you’ve found the one. since finding your version of the ‘one’ is impossible, and will likely lead to at least two divorces that permanently fucksup your kid’s perceptions of family and marriage — don’t ever get married. @ his dad.

What is their preferred mode of transportation?

his own car. that kind of freedom can’t be beat.

What causes them to feel dread?

situations that he’s unprepared for, essentially. if some kind of curveball comes at him (and he didn’t know that there would be curveballs involved), he’ll panic. it’s why he needs his more inventive friends around to be at his best.

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth?

nah. rip the band-aid off. end the suffering quick. besides, it’s not like he’s had the privilege of knowing a lot of sweet lies over the course of his life.

Do they usually live up to their own ideals?

every now and then he gets something done that he’s really proud of, and that’s when he considers himself to have ‘lived up to his ideals’, but it’s usually only for the short term, and the gratification is there and gone in an instant.

Who do they most regret meeting?

all his friends at uni.

Who are they the gladdest to have met?

all his friends at uni. now figure that one out.

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke?

most of his stories are kind of posh experiences like country clubs and stuff, but he’s seen a lot of businessmen’s embarassing moments. he’s really good at anecdotal humour.

Could they be considered lazy?

nah, def not. if he needs to get something done, he’ll get it done, with the maximum delay of a day or so. of course, that’s only when he’s feeling healthy and normal. if he’s reached a threshold of despair or whatever, then he’s way less productive.

How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt?

easy tbh? if something was his fault then he makes sure to try and make up for it before the guilt starts weighing in on him. of course, if these matters are emotional then he takes a longer while to make up for it, so he starts Perishing sooner.

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive?

he … tries to be. it’s fine when someone comes up to him to chatter about their new favourite video game, but not when someone shows up excited about their new boyfriend or girlfriend or significant other. he’ll listen, sure — but he won’t really listen, y’know.

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?

he was highkey hoping that college would be the time when he finally experiences the mystery of love. but it’s not really looking that way — he has way too much coursework.

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)?

fred’s memory is impeccable. he laughs in the face of your puny lists and phone notes. names and numbers are doable, but if things need to go a particular order, usually he can just brute force the memory in. just parrot it.

What memory do they revisit the most often?

times with his first stepmom. she was the only one that actually tried to be more than just a wife to his dad, tried to be a mom. took him places he wanted to go, bought him stuff, baked cookies for his bake sales and accompanied him on school trips as a chaperone. she was the closest to a mom that fred will ever get.

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?

he can’t ignore them, really. it’ll always be there at the back of his mind that you’re loud or you’re irresponsible or that you’re arrogant. but that’s not all there is to you. so he’s pretty level headed in that respect.

How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

not.. at all. he says he accepts constructive criticism but he doesn’t consider a lot of criticism constructive. he’s surprisingly bad at handling criticism. he just thinks he knows better than most people.

How do they feel about children?

they’re okay. not great. he could do without them.

How badly do they want to reach their end goal?

so. so. SO. badly. his end goal is to eventually surpass his elder brother in terms of material success without resorting to foul means. and by GOD he will do it.

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so?

[ bo burnham voice ] straight…. white…. man

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?

he’s a fool. but he’s my fool. also he’s like…. a really old oc lmao i made him in like … 2014? and he was in middle school back then so it really feels like he’s grown with me as i shifted him to a college story.

B) What inspired you to create them?

i wanted to make a vaguely contradictory kinda character where he’s a total mess and extremely capable at the same time. so he’s very productive, smart, efficient, but also has a short temper, panics in every situation that he’s not ready for, and so forth.

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

he was the sidekick to kazu, my mc. but by now each one of them stand on their own.

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

i think he was a ginger in the first draft. he’s got dirty blonde hair now. he’s also a bit more… muscular, shall we say.

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

maybe? i’d think he was a prick to be honest. i feel like we’d get along only if we were forced to get to know each other. but otherwise we wouldn’t even want to meet.

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

he’s my idiot son. a combination of pride and frustration and amusement.

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

he truly needs to fucking RELAX like fred please not everything is a matter of personal pride and performance.

H) What trait do you admire most?

he’s very sincere. surprisingly moral, wants to do things honestly and with integrity. the way he takes everything so seriously is honestly kind of cute sometimes.

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

three cheers for unoriginality!

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

ok i still don’t know what this question means but to be safe i’m gonna say no.

#realmzenith #i abandoned my BOY #oc talk.

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imagicalrainbowunicornpuke · 6 years

Text

I'm sorry if I got some information wrong. The whole deaf thing was mostly guesswork for me. I'm blind, not deaf XD. But no, let me know what is unrealistic or whatever so I can fix it :) Enjoy!

This honestly isn't my fault. I know, those words are something someone who was guilty would say. But this really isn't my fault.

Okay, maybe a little.

I probably (definitely) should've told my team, as you know any person with an ounce of common sense would.

However, in the past... people haven't reacted well.

Which, to me, is completely absurd because I can still hear.

Just not very well.

Thankfully, we live in a great time with loads of technology. So hearing aids were a simple matter. In fact, my deafness hardly impacted my life at all.

Well, if you exclude the several times my hearing aids broke or when we didn't have enough money to buy them.

Which is why ASL and reading lips have come in handy on my part.

Really the only problem is people's views. If I had a quarter for every time someone spoke obnoxiously loud to me I'd be able to afford a bodyguard to keep them the hell away from me.

Then there was the whole having to lie to the garrison about my hearing so I could actually get in. They had a strict policy on any sort of disability, even ones that did not interfere with their jobs.

Since, technically, I was supposed to have tip-top hearing I didn't inform my team of my condition.

It was no big deal, I could hear perfectly fine with my hearing aids.

Until those little fuckers broke.

I seriously had to work the graveyard shift the entire summer at a local 24-hour mart back home in Cuba. Not to mention, the dozens of odd jobs where I worked my ass off for hours on end.

I guess I should have anticipated that the heat of battle wasn't all that kind to the sensitive wiring in the aids.

So, that's how I ended up where I am now, staring down at the charred and blackened little buds.

Fucking delightful.

I groaned into my hands, massaging the bridge of my nose before pushing myself up and onto my feet as I headed out of Azul.

The sentient lion sent small and soothing comments to the back of my head.

Everything will be alright

Just tell your fellow paladins

They'll understand

I shook my head at her suggestion as I left the hanger and steeled myself to face the rest of Voltron.

"The hell was that Lance?" Keith's voice broke out first.

"You were completely unresponsive!" Pidge shrieked.

"You okay buddy?" Hunks comforting tone asked.

It took me a moment to understand what they said between reading lips and what little I could hear.

"Nothings wrong just got a little distracted," I answered.

In unison, all four face's winced.

"Inside voice," Shiro reprimanded.

I sent him an apologetic look before jetting it out of there. I skittered my way to my living quarters and hid there until dinner.

The castle must have tuned into my needs, as when the normal announcement of dinner through the intercoms (courtesy of Hunk), a small holographic screen popped up in front of me.

I shook my hands out as if I was trying to physically rid myself of the anxiety plaguing my mind.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped out into the hallway and headed down to the dining room.

Avoiding the imploring eyes, I headed over to sit down next to Hunk.

Hunk already knows of my hearing. He is, after all, my best friend.

Discreetly, I dropped the burnt hearing aids into his hands.

'Can you fix them?' I signed under the table. Or... not exactly those words- sign language didn't work that way- but that was the general gist.

Hunk shook his head sadly before mouthing, 'Ask Pidge, she could.'

I shook my head while sighing.

I signed, 'I'll live, I guess.' before turning around to the food.

By food I mean goo.

I was eating away at my oh-so-amazing plate of space goo when Hunk elbowed me and pointed to where Shiro had been trying to talk to me.

"I was trying to ask if you were okay, Lance," Shiro repeated.

"Oh um, I'm fine," I could already tell by Hunk- who flinched- that I once again spoke too loudly.

I stood up from the table and headed back to my room before anyone could ask questions. A reoccurring theme, I suppose.

Hunk showed up a few minutes later and hung out with me on my bed. I always felt safe with him, he always knew what to say.

The rest of the week passed by in the same fashion, me trying and failing to act normal and then running away.

It was tiring and the other Paladins were started to get pissed. Namely a certain paladin with a short temper.

"Lance, just stop fucking yelling!" Pidge snapped.

Bet you thought I was talking about Keith. Nah, the cute- I mean annoying mullet-head dealt with his anger by storming out.

Pidge was the one who was getting frustrated with me nearly every day.

"Lance, you need to listen more," Shiro berated me for about the twentieth time that week.

The situation was wearing on everyone, and I felt incredibly guilty.

Okay, so maybe it was my fault.

I just never thought that my hearing would actually interfere with my job. But...

"Paladins! There is a distress signal from a nearby planet!" the text popped up as I was fiddling with my phone.

I jumped off my bed before sprinting to the hangar.

When I landed in Azul, I called out 'Hey baby girl,' in my mind.

'Well look who finally decided to visit me.... when you need me,' retorted the fiery lion.

'I'm sorry babes, how about I give you a good washing after we return from this mission.'

Azul replied with a satisfied hum as we shot into space and met up with the other lions.

I heard a low murmur in my ears- presumably from the other paladins as they discussed the mission.

Luckily, a line of small text popped up near the bottom of my visor. Almost like subtitles on a foreign film.

Shiro was speaking- with a purple text- about the situation.

"A small planet enslaved by a Galra fleet," Shiro informed, "We need to defeat the Galra stationed there."

I nodded once before the paladins and I headed down to the planet.

Azul and I landed near a Galra base camp, hidden by the brightly colored trees and bushes.

Noting the peculiar lack of armed guards, Azul and I decided on quietly picking them off one by one.

Not actual murder, 'cause that was fucked up. The Alteans had long ago developed a weapon that simply knocked the victim unconscious.

The numbers slowly dwindled, involving lots of me stopping and dragging their sleeping bodies behind some bushes.

I pushed my luck as far as I was willing to before climbing back into Azul.

As I was trying to figure out how I should signal the other Paladins into joining me at the base to launch a full-scale attack.

Before I could, my comms were suddenly filled with unintelligible chatter and my visor was filly up with text so fast I couldn't keep up.

Random words I managed to read before they disappeared stuck to my mind lick lead.

Help

Trap

Galra

Abort

I was trying not to freak out, and figure out where the fight was breaking out. But at this point, the text was just filled with "ahhhhs" and various curses.

'Shit shit shit' I thought to Azul.

From the front window, I could dimly see various explosions and stray shots.

I rushed Azul into the sky, momentarily forgetting the base camp under me.

Just as I was towards the edge of the battle, the several fleets left at the camp made themselves known.

I was between two deadly forces, the fleets behind me and the huge Galran forces who were fighting the other paladins.

How amazing.

I managed (barely) to avoid the majority of the shots while sending my own back in return.

Suddenly, a screeching sound of metal against metal that even I could hear rang throughout the battlefield.

I winced at the sound and couldn't even imagine what it sounded like to the others.

Pidge, using her vines, had managed to salvage a huge slice of discarded metal and use it against a battleship.

The hunk of metal scraped across the sides of the ship, knocking off rows and rows of satellite looking objects.

Then, the Galran ships that were floating in the sky started to crash down to the planet, like a hailstorm of asshole Galra ships.

Maybe it was prudent to celebrate, but I couldn't help the joyful laugh that I let out. Pidge had just defeated the entire opposing force in one shot.

Out of nowhere, my visor filled up again.

And the main focus was me.

I sighed heavily, anticipating the lecture I'd get when we landed.

But then a few words caught my eye.

Watch out!

Move!

Lance!

Before I could figure out what the hell they were talking about, something crashed into Azul from behind.

Of course, I fucking forgot about the fleet behind me. Because duh. It's me. Lance fucking McClain who can't keep his shit together.

Azul and I were sent hurtling towards the ground.

The seat belt which had always been faulty, unclipped, sending me to go banging around in the cockpit.

Every hard surface and pointed object in the small room slammed hard against my flailing body.

Azul crashed landed belly up, leaving me sprawled on the ceiling, groaning.

Not having the strength to even move, I instead chose to stay down.

You okay, Az?

I'm fine, paladin. I just need to... rest...

The familiar feeling of Azul in the back of my head was gone, which left me feeling hollow.

Black was starting to fill my vision, distracting me from the aching pain that swallowed my body.

I didn't come to for a while.

Not when the other lions carried Azul and me off the planet and back into the palace.

Not when Hunk dragged me out of the cockpit.

Not when I was stuffed into the cryo pod.

I did, however, wake up when I was falling out of the pod and onto my knees.

Hunk came forward and helped me up to my feet.

The faces of the other Paladins weren't all that welcoming.

"Lance, the fuck?!" Keith exclaims when I exit.

The familiar furrow of Keith's brows and pout of his lips as he snapped at me made him look like an adorable puppy who was trying too hard to be a full grown dog.

Shiro held his hand up, stopping Keith.

"Give him some time, Keith," Shiro began, "He just got out."

"Lance, stop staring at Shiro's and Keith's lips, it's too gay for me," Pidge joked.

I looked down, feeling pretty shitty, to be honest.

Hunk bristled before looking down at me.

"That's what that was wasn't it?" Hunk looked down at me, saddened. "You need to tell them, Lance. You put yourself and us in danger."

Maybe it was Hunk's disappointed gaze or maybe it was the fact that I had put them in danger, but I nodded my head before asking Hunk a question.

"You'll help me right?"

Even though I knew that my voice was much too loud, the fact that Hunk nodded in an "Of course, dumbass" kind of way made me smile.

I turned to face the other Paladins, plus Allura and Coran who had walked over to us.

"So, uh," I began- graceful I know, "I owe you guys an explanation. And an explanation as to why I didn't tell you guys. Basically, I just have a lot of explaining to do."

Shiro nodded in an encouraging way, "That's great, Lance. I'm happy you're opening up to us. But could you maybe lower your voice? You don't have to shout, we can hear you, ya know."

The smile made it clear that the last part of his comment was a joke, but it only made me take a deep breath.

"That's the thing, Shiro. You can hear me, but I can't."

The other Paladin's faces were confused, as they tried to understand what I said.

I sighed before saying, "When I was around five, I was in a car accident. I suffered a traumatic brain injury. To this day I have to deal with incredibly painful migraines. Which sucks, I guess. But the worst- well I don't wanna say worst because it really doesn't bother me. It's just a part of me now. What I'm trying to say is that I'm deaf."

Seeing the shocked expressions on my teammates made me hastily amend myself.

"Well, not deaf, but hard of hearing. Nearly deaf. I have hearing aids, so my condition doesn't even affect me. Or had hearing aids, I suppose," I said, discontented, "They were completely destroyed last week. In that one mission with the fire planet."

"So um, yeah," I tried to end the awkward ass monologue I was delivering, "That's why I've been off the past week. I can't hear shit."

My lame attempt at a joke fell to deaf ears (pun intended) was met with silence.

The fact that none of my teammates were speaking, and instead staring at me was just fucking dandy. Great for the anxiety.

I mean I was just hard of hearing, no reason to have a brain hemorrhage.

"If you guys wouldn't mind saying something, that'd be great." I fiddled with my sleeves.

Keith shook his head before saying, "Um, okay. That's a lot to process. But uh, why didn't you tell us?"

I chuckled nervously before saying, "The Garrison isn't all too keen on any kind of disabilities. So, if they found out about me they'd throw me out. Which means I can't become a pilot."

Shiro's arm clamped down on my shoulder.

"You can trust us. Believe me, I know how the Garrison is probably more than anyone else."

I nodded, feeling lighter than I had in a long while.

"You absolute fucking dumbass!" Pidge spit out, "If you would have told me I could have made you hearing aids within an hour, and you wouldn't off been hurt."

Well actually, Pidge threw words at me so fast that all I could gather was "fucking dumbass... told... hearing... hour... been..."

"Uhh...." I started, "I can read lips but that was too fast."

Hunk tapped my wrist to grab my attention before signing to me what they said.

I dropped my gaze before apologizing, "I'm really sorry, okay? I was an idiot who made a dumb decision."

"As long you know that you're an idiot, we're cool," Keith smiled.

I couldn't help the grin that took over my face from his words.

The gremlin shook their head before saying, "Whatever, I can use the information from the cryo pod to make a pair of hearing aids."

With that, Pidge left the room, presumably going to the huge room they had claimed as their workstation.

I was hella tired so Hunk and I decided to chill in the common room for a few hours.

Hunk was signing to me about what new ingredients he'd invented and how he thought he could make a cake out of them when Keith entered the room and waved me over.

I excuse myself from Hunk before meeting Keith in the hallway.

"I'd like to apologize for being an ass this past week," Keith spoke and to my absolute shock, signed along as well.

"How did you?" I sputtered.

Keith smiled sheepishly, "One of my foster families had a deaf son, and they taught me how. I actually was in my room these past two hours trying to brush up on it."

His hangs smoothly formed the words with a precision that only a person who had signed for a long time were able to manage.

I smiled so wide I thought my cheeks were going to rip, tears began to form in the corners of my eyes.

"That's one of the sweetest things someones ever done for me, thank you so much," I cried while trying to wipe away any stray tears with my sleeves.

"And you're forgiven by the way," I offhandedly commented.

I was about to try and start some sort of conversation with a (probably) awkward starter when I caught Keith's gaze.

He was intensely staring into my eyes, lost in thought, and I couldn't help but lose myself as well.

His dark grey eyes swam with flecks of purples. They shone with hidden emotions, passionate emotions.

Slowly, without even realizing, our bodies gravitated slowly to one another.

His eyes flicked down to my lips just as my own gaze was distracted by the luscious red of his lips.

Gradually, I began to lean down, edging closer until our noses were a hair's breadth apart. My eyes fluttered close as I was about to meet his lips.

"Lance, guess what?!" came Pidge's boisterous voice from down the hallway.

Keith and I scrambled apart. I launched myself so hard that I actually fell on my ass with a painful thump.

"Why are you on the floor, weirdo?" Pidge questioned with a chuckle.

"I, uh tripped..." I lamely explained as I stood up.

Pidge rolled their eyes before handing out to small white buds and dropping them into my hands.

My eyes widened as I placed them in my ears, and sound completely returned to my ears.

"I tricked them out," Pidge gloated with a grin, "They're practically indestructible."

I smiled, looking down at the ground, "Thanks, Pidge."

"No problem," Pidge responded before heading to the common room to talk with Hunk.

I turned back towards to Keith, whose cheeks were dusted in an adorable scarlet.

"Wanna walk with me to my room?" I asked shyly.

Keith nodded sheepishly before tentatively holding his hand out.

Swallowing down my anxiety, I grasped his smaller hand and reveled in the feeling all the way back to my quarters.

And maybe a little longer too.

#voltron #lance mcclain #deaf character #hard of hearing #deaf!lance #klance #funny

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mar--26 · 4 years

Text

March 7-8, 2020

Glamping day.

Since we have agreed that I will go to his house at 1pm, I decided to stay in bed a bit longer. I got a call from him at around 10am, and he said he wanted me to come earlier, like 11:30~12:00... I was like, oh my God, I haven't done packing yet, I still need to clean the room, eat my once-in-a-week-breakfast, and so on, and so forth... Anyway, I arrived late. I arrived at 12:40... and they were still preparing. I played with

Saechan while they were still preparing. I was actually confused if I should leave Saechan and help them make onigiri, or should I just watch her. In my house, we are so protective towards children. We don’t leave them anywhere without anyone watching as they might swallow something, and or hit themselves. We also don’t allow them to swallow just anything. In Japan, it is normal to leave their kids on the floor, crawling, reaching for potentially harmful stuff (like small toys), they also don’t sterilize anything at all... I am actually a bit worried about the bacteria on the things she swallow, but yeah, she's not my kid. It is none of my business.

Then Oyuri visited the house. She took care of Saechan while I decided to help Bottan to prepare chahan. She wanted to be the one to make it, but I insisted that me and my boyfriend will be fine. After eating, Bottan decided to do his work assignment, when she sat beside him, still bugging him about her unretrievable Gmail account. We had a fight about it last week, so he made an eye contact with me, and I made sure my facial expression would answer that eye contact, so he just said, "ちょっと待ってね" while he was looking for Saechan's favorite song. And then she brought up their high school photos, without inviting me to look on it... I don’t really know if I was just being too sensitive, or she really mean to do that in front of my face... but to be honest, I didn’t feel good about it. I mean, first, why do you have to always ask Bottan to have him fix your Gmail for you... Can't you google it by yourself... I could have understand it if Bottan works at Google, or he really has a high computer literacy, but sorry to say this, no... So I would appreciate it if he would leave him alone. And the problem was Bottan knows he doesn’t really know how to do it... So why do it? Specially you already know that I am not in good terms with her. About the old photos, I would really appreciate if she would also invite me to see it, cause duh, it involves the people I know as well. And there's only 3 of us in the room... so why make the other person out of place? Why do they do that? Is it a Japanese thing? Why? Are they fucking scared to talk or involve a foreigner. Because you know, you won't like it if you would be in my shoes. It makes me really sad. I didn’t want to say "え～見せて～”, because I feel like why would I say that if I was not being invited... (This is probably my problem... I have my walls.)

Then we were on our way, when I saw that the wallpaper on her phone is the exactly the same as Bottan's wallpaper, Saechan's photo. I mean, ok, I am completely fine about putting Saechan as their wallpaper, but couldn't they choose different photos? When I saw that I could really feel my blood rushing through the top of my head. I know I was about to explode. I chatted Bottan, who was seating in front seat to fucking change his wallpaper because it was really too much for me... I really couldn't handle it anymore. I think it was impossible for him not to know anything about it because he tried helping her on her Gmail account. I saw him unlocking her phone last week as Oyuri dictated her password... fuck... Ok, I do get that they are childhood friends, but they are not connected thru blood to cling too much around him especially when I am around... the girlfriend might misunderstand it... so be considerate. Because if I would be her, I would try to check the atmosphere with the girlfriend first before doing anything that might seem as overstepping any boundaries.

So we continued on with the trip with my heavy heart. It was really difficult because I needed to act like everything was ok in front of them, but I was really angry inside.

When we arrived to the place, and we have decided to take a bath in onsen first. It was my first time being in onsen with them. I was so shy, so I have decided to wash myself a bit far from them... then I went in the onsen with Saechan, his sister, and Oyuri. Oyuri and I decided to try the onsen outdoor. There were only 2 of us. She asked me about my relationship with Bottan. I tried to act as normal as possible but I think there was a bit tension in the atmosphere (or my sensitivity is switched on again), so we decided to go back in after few minutes... I think she was aware that I had an issue about her... His sister most likely talked about that to her. Well, if she really was aware about it, while she kept on doing it in front of me... then that means she is being rude.

I took charge. I cling when I see her clinging to him, I was just always around when she tries to approach him. So the whole bbq night, I guarded my territory. Bottan slept immediately, and we talked in the living area.

Talked about how we do Christmas presents... They mentioned to me that Oyuri and Bottan were quite the same when it comes to being rude to their moms...

I felt that Oyuri was not so comfortable talking about those stuff in front of me, so she decided to go to bed (probably she was just really tired). I shared the bed with Bottan.

Anyway, I realized, why do I have to be on guard when Bottan should be the one doing something about it... I heard him saying be careful around the mud. Well, he also said the same thing to me, but doesn’t every girlfriend want to feel special?

Then we ate at Ohsho... We ordered my favorite yakisoba. I was disappointed that he gave the first serving to Oyuri... Her sister was also surprised...

she was like give the serving first to Mari! And Oyuri just apologized... I mean, Bottan was also the one triggering things.

No matter how much we talk about it, he can always come up with a reason...

He will say 'I also do it to you'... that's not the point... I didn’t need the word 'also' I needed the word 'only'... No matter how many times we talk, he still doesn’t get any of it...

Anyway, next is we went to Sanda to see the furniture in his sister's house... they were quite big... I don’t think it will fit our small apartment...

We arrived home, his mom persuaded me to take a bath in their house so that I could try their 50k blower... lol... It really made my hair soft... but I don’t think I would spend 50k for a blower... Anyway, while I was changing, I could hear Oyuri's voice and my boyfriend's voice laughing... She's here again... After I got out of the bath I talked with Bottan as calmly as I could, and he said "what can I do, she asked what I was doing, and my mom was also there..." I snapped off... I did his work assignment, so I just wanted to delete everything as a form of revenge... but he got angry... I said let's just break up... It was really hard to talk about it in front of his family... even though we were talking in English... so I tried to keep my composure. He was about to go to bath when he said "Should I confess what we are having right now to them?" Then my sister asked me what was he talking about... I just made up a story. While he was in bath I kept myself preoccupied while talking about fx to his family. When he got out of the bath, he told his sister to call his mom because he needed to say something. I stopped him desperately... How dare him to do that...

I am so disappointed... really...

We talked about it on our way home... but I don’t think he understood my feelings...

We were already talking about it for years... this is too much that I am about to give up... I actually wanna cry as I write this... I don’t want to feel this anymore... I think I should start thinking about living by myself in my whole life... and just nurture my career... and hope that I would get money to get artificially-created child to accompany me...

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lemonnyx · 7 years

Text

Your Love Is King

Nyx x Reader

PART II

Angst/Fluff/NSFW

Word Count: 1796

The sight of the feminine figure in the light caused your mouth to fall agape. A flame began to burn in your heart, your breathing started to become shallow and sharp as you stare in disbelief at Nyx and this woman lying in the bed you once shared together. With every step closer to Nyx tears attempt to force their way from your eyes. With what little strength you had left in you, you held them back wanting to release all your energy and rage out on Nyx for his betrayal. Now hovering over the two of them you could get a closer look at the woman. Her built was small with a pale complexion, her brunette hair tied in a loose bun on top of her head held together by a large pearl pendant. Though she wasn’t laying on top of Nyx she was awfully close to him, their skin almost touching. Nyx’s back was facing her, his body laying adjacent to the wall, as if he was giving her more room on the bed.

He looks exhausted, was it because he fucked her?

“Nyx get up”, you commanded faintly. You still couldn’t believe what was happening, that you were literally about to speak these words to him. Your grabbed the blanket that was covering Nyx legs tossing it violently across the room.

“NYX get the fuck up!” your pupils began to dilate at the sight of his face now staring at you in confusion.

“Y/n, what…what’s happening, what are you doing here? Why… why are you in my bed?” Nyx questioned while almost leaping from the bed at the sight of this woman lying next to him.

Nyx moves his focus back on to you, removing himself from the bed he starts to make his way towards you, attempting to grab your arm. However, you quickly swat it away backing up closer towards the door.

“Who is she, why is she here?” Steeling your heart, you force your gaze to the floor, knowing that if you were to look Nyx in the face as he gave you his answer that you would come undone with emotions.

Nyx attempts once more to move closer to you, his body almost begging to be near you.

“Y/n, it’s not what it looks like, I swear to you” Grabbing your arm Nyx stops you from moving closer to the door.

“I knew this would happen, that all of this was too good to be true.” You couldn’t hold back anymore, you forced you gaze into his soft blue eyes. Nostalgia of the years that you had spent together, of all the years you had hoped to spend together were now beginning to vanish. Tears now flowing from your eyes. Gripping his arm, you force his hand from you as you made your way to the door to leave.

“WAIT!” Nyx demands as a crushing force grabs your wrist. “Seriously, y/n it’s not what it looks like. That… that is the granddaughter of Camelia Claustra, the Princess of Accordo. I was put on a NTK mission of watching her until she can meet with the King to talk about a possible alliance.”

You stop in your tracks as a wave of skepticism and embarrassment fills your mind at the thought of this truly being a misunderstanding. Nyx’s grip still holding tightly on to you.

“Need to know mission? I…I would have known about the Princess of ‘wherever’ coming here Nyx. Do you forget who my father is? He tells me everything, especially when it comes to something like this.”

Your father had been great friends of Regis since you had been born. Eventually earning him a spot as one of his councilmen and head chiefs of foreign affairs, and although you were not a council member your father trusted your judgement and often called for your opinion in meetings when other territories were involved.

Nyx releases his hold on you, hoping that perhaps now that you understand the situation.

“Call him then. Call you dad and ask him”, his voice full of confidence.

Pulling out your cell you give a haunting stare to the so-called Princess now standing in the corner of the room attempting to make her presence hidden.

A bitter sigh departs you as you see your phone is dead. “Can…can I use your phone?” you ask slightly ashamed. “Mines dead from all the times I tried to call you on my way over here.”

Turning from you Nyx makes his way into the kitchen to unplug his phone that was sitting on the counter. Scrolling through the call log his eyes widen as he remembers what tonight was meant to be.

“Y/n, I’m so sorry. I… honestly with everything that came up last minute I forg—“.

“You still forgot though Nyx”, you said swiping the phone from him as you turned to face the door.

You bit down on your lip as you typed in your father’s number. With every ring came ache, embarrassment and resentment that was almost too much for your heart.

What if this is just a joke to him? Does he think my father would have forgotten to tell me something as important as this? And besides he still forgot about tonight, about OUR night.

A deep grumble of a voice finally answered the call. “Ulric…why are you calling me this late? Is something wrong, is y/n okay?”

You let out a slight giggle at the sound of your father’s drowsy voice and his concern about you. “Dad, it’s me I’m okay. I’m with Nyx.”

Edging your way closer to the door, your prepared for your escaped, expecting your father to have no idea of this so called disclosed mission.

“So dad, about Nyx I need to know about this mission—“

“Ahh, yes y/n dear, that reminds me—“, your father then begins to go on for some time. Explaining in explicit detail of how Ulric is to escort the Princess of Accordo to the safe house, a.k.a. Nyx’s old apartment; until the meeting the following day.

Your brows begin to furrow as you scratch your forehead after hearing your father’s words. Realizing the seriousness of this mission, while still being slightly pissed that Nyx forgot about what was planned for tonight.

After saying your goodbyes to your father, you turn on your heel to face Nyx pushing the phone slightly into his chest to return it to him.

“So? What did he say?” Nyx asked, a charming smile beginning to form on his face.

“He said that you’re an asshole, and… and that your right” You start to move further into the apartment, your gaze now wandering back towards the Princess.

“Then what was she doing in your bed?” Now glaring intensely at Nyx, waiting to see what his excuse for this would be.

“I…I don’t know” he said now looking towards the princess almost as if for an answer.

“Don’t look at her Nyx, look at me and answer the question. What was she doing in YOUR bed with YOU? Did you sleep with her?”

“NO! y/n, I don’t know why she—“

“Because that chair is disgusting, covered in filth” a haughty voice answered from the corner of the room.

“What, what did you say” you question her, you full attention now back on the Princess.

“What kind of host doesn’t even offer proper sleeping arrangements for a Princess?” she stated, now walking towards the two of you her arms crossed in a displeasing manner.

“I offered her the bed earlier, but she said no, so I took a nap. She said it was okay.” Nyx said now looking at the princess for reassurance.

Crossing your arms, you swayed back slightly in disbelief at the two’s story. “Still doesn’t explain why you were in his bed though”

“Uhhh, because I got tired, duh, Ive been cooped up in this dingy apartment for 6 hours now! Seriously what kind of arrangement is this where your safe house isn’t even safe!” The once quiet Princess now is eager and intense with her words.

“What kind of guest doesn’t even have a spare bedroom? How is it safe that a Princess has to sleep in a filthy bed next to a stranger?”

For all of her elegant appearance her personality was full of arrogance and entitlement.

“I suggest you two work together to go and find me a proper bed so I can be well rested for tomorrow’s meeting with the King” the Princess commands now sitting crossed legs on the so called ‘filthy bed’.

You hear a relieved chuckled escape from Nyx standing behind you.

“I really am sorry about tonight—“

Cutting him off you take Nyx’s hand in your own, forcing him into the hallway. Pushing him against the cold concrete wall you then turn to make sure the door is closed behind you. Turning back to Nyx his signature devilish smile has returned to his face. A smile that you know all too well, and what is soon to follower after.

Lustful eyes are now piercing at you as Nyx attempts to move closer to you. Unexpecting to him however you aggressively push him back up against the chill of the wall. A sharp tingle fills his body at the sight of you being so domineering towards him. Advancing your body closer to him your lips ruthlessly clash against his. Your hands linger on his warm chest as your tongue connects deliciously with his.

“Y/n” Nyx moans silently into your mouth, as his hand begin to move lower towards your waist.

“Shut up” you respond while slapping his hand away. You pulled back from him, now staring deeply into his sea blue eyes.

Placing both of your hands on his chest you begin you dig you nails teasingly into him. You start to seductively snake your hands lower and lower until they hover just slightly above his erection. Placing your left hand under Nyx’s chin you bring his gaze back onto you rather than the sight of you about to take him in your hands.

“You, Nyx Ulric", you state while planting a passionate kiss upon his lips. “Belong to me.”

“I know y/n, I kno–” a low moan stops Nyx’s words as he feel’s your other hand grip slightly around his throbbing member.

“And this”, placing another kiss upon him, “this belongs to me too right?” You ask, replicating that same signature grin of Nyx.

Passion fills him as he grabs your waist, thrusting himself into you. His soft lips attack your own as his cock twitches pleasurably against you.

Kisses begin to trail up from your collarbone, towards your neck eventually making their way to your ear. A husky tone fills your ears with a soothing confidence as Nyx whispers.

“Always”

Part III

This chapter was a little shorter than I wanted it to be. I wasn’t sure if I wanted it to be super smutty or nah. But Part III will be 90% smut. Stay tuned :D

Thank you again to all my new followers I love you all. <3

Tagging everyone who commented on Part I :D

@lady-asuka @swabin10 @sweetstrawberrycandy @schmelscorner @dlb113

#nyx ulric #nyx ulric x reader #nyx ulric fanfiction #ffxv #nyx ulric ffxv #ffxv fanfic #ffxv fanfiction

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surveys-at-your-service · 7 years

Text

Survey #57

“is there any possibility you'll quit gossiping about me to hide your insecurities?”

when do you prefer to take a shower, in the morning or night? night, 100% how do you like your eggs? scrambled, cheesy hollister or abercrombie? i shop at neither are your nails painted? my toenails are; chelsea felt like doing them. when was the last time you or someone else in your family bought a vehicle? nicole got a car not even a year back. honestly, do you see yourself as a slut? the biggest part of me says "hell no," but that sliver of me that says i'd do things with jason no matter who he was dating makes me feel like it sometimes. other than that, i have no traits of what we know as "sluts." is there a secret you’ve never told your parents? yep. my biggest regret is that i've sexted a guy that was my friend's boyfriend when i was like 12/13 and i think he really started to like me, but i finally cut it off. i've never and will never tell them that. have you got a hairdresser that you can trust? yes, her name's kenesa. do you like the smell of bbqs? no, honestly. do wasps scare you? omg yes. what is the last thing a boy gave you? *shrugs* do you often use the term “slut”? only really to playfully refer to my friends or myself. otherwise, i will if i feel very strongly about it. do you feel comfortable telling people how much you weigh? NO do you have any talents that your friends don’t know about? video editing, i guess. have you looked at any old photos of you yourself lately? sigh. on the 20th, facebook reminded me (i already knew, though) that i'd posted a picture of jason and i kissing for his birthday. i just kinda... stared at myself. i was self-conscious then, yet looking back now, i looked great. i was slim, kinda curvy, and just... looked nice and healthy. not anymore. do you get nervous when you go to the doctor? about what? yes, because i don't wanna hear about my weight. how old is the last person you kissed on the lips? he just turned 23 did you yell at anyone yesterday? tbh i was so worked up yesterday that i was yelling about colleen to my mom while crying. do you think religion should be taught in schools? why or why not? fucking yes. all religions should be electives, atheism included, because don't you dare tell me it hasn't practically become a religion. i believe they should be taught as electives because all involve where you believe you'll end up and also reflect your core values, but i don't believe they should be common core because you shouldn't be taught an opinion coughevolutioncough. is the idea of marriage too outdated for the 21st century? ... no??? you’re pregnant, who’s the other parent? well, it'd be impossible. i've never had sex. the only person i've done sexual things with is jason, but seeing as dry-humping ain't gonna get me pregnant, and not to mention i haven't even seen his face in over a year, he couldn't be the dad, either. what’s your favorite number? 13, because it actually has a story behind it and it looks like a capital b how would you tell the person you like that you like them? i've already told him more than a million and two times. who last made you feel shy? colleen, because she was pissed at me. i get very timid when i'm being yelled at like her fucking dog. do you think making out is slutty? no??? if you're doing it with someone you love, why would it be??? is there a difference between love and in love? FUCKING YES. i told jason this in the second letter i wrote him, paraphrased: "the difference between loving someone and being in love is whether or not you'd accept the person as life changed them," and i honestly believe that to be pretty accurate. i mean yeah, a person is going to change by mild degrees throughout life, but when you oath to tolerate and adapt with them, that's when you're in love. if the person who has hurt you the most, said they were in love with you, would you believe them? i don't know, honestly. i kinda feel like he wouldn't have left if he was. do you know anyone by the name of lee? we all know lee from twd rip rip rip i cri do you have any friends from other states? yep, even in other countries. glory of the online world. would you ever dye your hair blonde? i want to dye it platinum blonde at one point, but mom doesn't want me to, so. ever had an internet boyfriend or girlfriend? no. are any of your siblings married? my immediate sister, yes. what’s your favorite type of donut? i really like cake donuts, but i also enjoy glazed and chocolate frosted have you ever had an exotic or unusual pet? i wouldn't consider a ball python or chinese water dragon exotic, really. are you more logical or creative? BY FAR more creative what was the last job interview you went to? pizza hut, i think. said i probably got the job, never got called back, but i guess it's a good thing after what happened at my last job. what are you currently listening to? pewdiepie play "resident evil 7". it looks SO GOOD. i really wish my consoles weren't broken... has anyone bought you a piece of jewelry? my mom, my grandparents, jason... do you think it’s attractive for a man to wear eyeliner? some men, particularly when they have dark hair, fuck yeah. do you tend to slam things around when your mad? sometimes, yes. do you know anyone who hates/dislikes chocolate? my grandma, yeah. do you know anyone who is racist? yes. it's the thing i dislike most about this person. did your parents ever ground you? pleeeenty of times. opinion: on medication prescriptions being handed out to ‘fix’ people: for some people, medication is necessary. for example, my mother has asthma. she can't just "wish" it away when it acts up, she has to take medication, or else she could die. for me, if i don't take one of my medications, my mental illnesses may act up. what i don't agree with is handing out medication before you truly know a patient's story. were you/are you popular in high school? not at all. pretty sure everyone thought i was weird. are you the competitive type? not in the slightest. righty or lefty? i'm a righty have you had the chicken pox? i have not. when’s the last time you chose a bath over a shower? when i had a cyst, but it wasn't to get clean, but rather to shave. i haven't chosen a bath over a shower to get clean since i was a child. do you and your best friend look anything alike? not really. do you prefer drinking water from a bottle or from the sink? i can't drink water from the sink, it tastes nasty. have you ever done something outrageously dumb? sure have. what if you had a baby with the last person you texted? last person i texted was female, and i'm female, soooo...? do you think you will ever get married? realistically... no. i'm too difficult a person. i don't go out to meet people. so. who do you care about the most? jason. it shouldn't be him, but it is. has there ever been a murder in your town? i'm sure. have you ever witnessed someone else engaging in a sexual act (not necessarily sex)? does making out count? if so, i've witnessed ashley's former best friend and her then-boyfriend make out all to hell on the couch. do you get shy when you’re around the boy you like? not really, no... because he's the only person with whom i feel safe being myself. what's the last thing that scared the hell out of you? probably when mom handed me the letter from jason. do you think people over thirty should be able to have sex? ... what the fuck? duh? i usually delete questions from surveys that just seem entirely pointless, but this just... really irked me? how do you feel about girls smoking? the same way i feel about guys smoking, it's gross. do you still have pictures of you and your ex best friend? i'm sure i do. who is your favorite 90’s musical artist? omg don't do this to me. do you think that music was better when your parents were young, or now? definitely when my parents were young. how did you develop your specific taste in music? well, i was raised on rock and metal and the obvious children songs, but it wasn't until middle school when i developed my taste for metal. late elementary school, i was getting into rock, and then in middle school i started listening to my mom's cds. do you like any bands from other countries? rammstein, notably. have you ever sung karaoke? what songs? was it fun? no, too shy. do you have acne? thank god, not anymore. do you play any online computer games? if so, what? i did play world of warcraft, but i may ditch it when i get my laptop back up and running, i don't know for sure. have you ever felt out of touch with reality? that's almost a daily thing, honestly. have you ever been sick to the point of possibly dying? physically, no. have you ever had a tooth pulled? no, but i'll have to soon. my wisdom tooth is coming in and it's causing issues; i keep biting my cheek with it. did you chew gum in school, even if it was against the rules? if it was against the rules, no. did you take a foreign language in school? one semester of latin, four of german. are mondays a drag for you? it's the same as any other day for me. do you think graffiti is a valid form of artistic expression? it can be. have you spent much time contemplating your death? yep. can mere images turn you on? how about words? sure. do you think that feet are disgusting? yeah, tbh. who have you hurt the most so far in your life? what did you do to them? probably my dad, really. i kicked him out of my life and wrote him a... pretty strongly-worded letter about why. thank god he's back in it, though. have you ever been physically or mentally abused? how did it affect you? physically, no. mentally, i used to feel that way, but i don't think i was. have you ever been in a physical fight? what started it? no. what’s the stupidest thing you’ve done whilst drunk? so far, indirectly asking colleen if she had jason's number because i "wanted to be a friend," i said. thank god she's a good friend, because all she said was, "now THAT is a terrible idea," even though she herself was a bit drunk. have you ever been hospitalized? what for? yes, four-five times, all for suicidal thoughts and tendencies. have you ever bitch-slapped someone? no. where did you last go on vacation? north carolinian beach! do you get horny a lot? eh, occasionally, i guess. are you a good driver? not really. i have severe anxiety when i drive. what’s one health problem you wish you didn’t have? if i had to pick one and one alone, my depression. have you ever had a pet turtle before? only ones from the wild, which i acknowledge was wrong, but i was just a kid. it was always box turtles, and we always ended up releasing them into the small lake near our old house. do you think pug dogs are adorable or just plain ugly? they're precious! have you ever made out with more than one person in one night? nope. if you have any piercings, who did them? claire's, and a parlor in rocky mount whose name i forgot... who last gave you their number? ummm girt i think. where was your default pic taken? in my bathroom. i like the lighting in there the most. have a crazy side? it's more than just a "side," hunny. what’s stopping you from going for the person you like? i'm indirectly going for him, but i can't do too much more, unless i want a restraining order. will you fall in love in the next few months? i highly doubt you can truly fall in love in a few months... have you ever gone to a nude beach? no, nor would i ever. how many people of the opposite sex have made you cry? two: my dad and jason have you ever cried and didn’t know why? sure have. what bugged you about the last person you dated? a number of things. i mean, we dated for three and a half years, i'd like to think i knew like... everything about him. one, this was more of a disappointment than a bugging, but he wasn't christian. i have been over a thousand times why i want to date a christian over an agnostic, so if you're pissed at me for saying it, go find the explanation in an old survey. i always had to remind him very frequently to do things like brush his teeth and hair, because he's a dude. he also tried to entirely bury his emotions underneath logic. that's just about it, i think. have you ever kissed a brown eyed person? the only person i've ever kissed had dark brown eyes i could fucking drown in. have you ever had sex with someone the same night you met them? what do i want, an std? no. is someone of the opposite sex on your mind? he always is. do you find space fascinating? yes, but i also find it terrifying. do you think boys look good in skinny jeans? some can, sure. do you enjoy being single? fuck dat. what kind of music annoys you most? rap, i guess. is there someone you wouldn’t mind kissing right now? oh, i'd do more than kiss him. why did you go to the doctor the last time you went? does the dentist count? if so, just a regular cleaning. actual doctor, monthly check-up. do you like potato salad? NO do you enjoy being a tease? ;v; does it flood easily where you live? kinda. is it okay if you kiss people when you’re single? personally, i don't believe you should. i mean if you're not dating and already kissing... you're going too fast. besides, you could really lead someone on like that. establish your relationship first. have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced? it was pierced for years slightly to the left, and i'm getting it re-pierced in the center hopefully on my birthday. so, like being spanked? i'm guessing you mean sexually? sure, if you're not too hard. what are your thoughts on the name barbie? eh, i don't like it, even though that's my aunt's name. what is one thing you find attractive about the same sex? butts, i guess. butts are okay. are you a hacker? if so, what do you usually hack? no. i've seen "welcome to the game," motherfucker. my doors and windows are locked lmao. do you think you could ever decide a tattoo design if you chose to get one? i have three and have approximately one hundred logged that i'm seriously considering, soooo... have you ever had a crush on someone “too young” for you? nope. do you shave your legs more than once a week? hell no, that's too much maintenance for me fam. how far would you go with the hottest guy you know? depends on if i'm emotionally engaged with him? the last person you had a thing with comes up to you and says “i’m sorry”? i'd break down sobbing. where was the last place you had a romantic dinner? not sure the last place jason and i ate out together at... what pisses you off the most about the opposite sex? perfectly aware this doesn't apply to all men, but they generally seem to be so out of touch with their emotions. if your boyfriend ever hit you, would you dump him? i'd break his fucking arm, then dump him. i don't tolerate that shit. everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you? she can't flawlessly cheer me up, but i guess colleen. what’s something you used to collect when you were younger? webkinz, notably. i had the most of all my friends and everything, i was a total admit, lmao. do you wax or shave down there? honestly, i just trim. i just don't see the point of keeping it bare; it seems like very unnecessary maintenance and it's all natural. i'm not fond of getting those annoying bumps everywhere when you shave, either. i get enough from just trimming. the hair grows back so quickly too, like... sorry, i'm not shaving that often, and if you don't like it, don't go down on me??? lmao dude chelsea decided to wax the other day just to see if it hurt and she nearly fucking cried and couldn't walk properly a few minutes after. BUT ANYWAY if you don't mind doing the heavy maintenance, that's cool, good for you, do it. what’s something in nature you find beautiful? can i just like... say everything?? nature itself is just immaculate. i'm particularly fond of HUGE, old trees, though. what’s your favorite store at your mall? rue 21, i guess. we don't have a hottopic. :( does your house have a garage? no ma'am. do you have any “nerdy” interests? don't get me started bo, lmao. did you pack a lunch in high school? if i didn't like what was on the menu, sure. have you ever dated someone who was emotionally or mentally unstable? not really, no. he had massive self esteem issues, but he wasn't legitimately ill. would it be hard for someone to steal your heart? HA, if you're not jason? nearly impossible, sweetheart. do you sometimes speak in funny accents for fun? british notably, yes. have you ever gone out in public in your pajamas? yeah. in most places i won't, though. it's very rare. have you ever had bronchitis? no, but that brings back such warm memories. when jason and i were dating, he got bronchitis baaad once, and i was so so so SOOO worried. i mothered the fuck out of that poor man; i wouldn't let him get up for anything but to piss. and made him kiss me once he was feeling slightly better, because i couldn't stand to not kiss him and i kept telling him if he was sick, i'd be sick with him. turns out you can't get bronchitis, but you can contract the cold that causes it. never got it. do you like shopping from sales racks and clearance racks? of course, everyone loves bargains. do you have a high tolerance for people? i honestly think i do, because boy can i tolerate opinions. pretty sure i could befriend a reasonable satanist. it's just not my place to bash other people for having beliefs astray from mine; that's what makes the population so beautiful, how unique we all are. are you bipolar? i'm medicated as such and have been told by professionals i seem to be, so. how many times have you been to the er? oh jeez... seven? eight? have you ever been to nyc? i have not. i'd love to photograph there.

#survey #quiz #questions #asks #answered

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