#can you tell i like grace chasity?? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-spaced-out-ace · 3 months

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okay okay hear me out. hatchetfield/ever after high au

i maaaaaayyy have been thinking about this since. the day i saw abstinence camp. in my defense dexven and lautski are the same ship and nobody likes either of these things more than me (/j) so like. rundown of ideas i had (and one piece of inspo from a gc i'm in)

Stephanie Lauter, daughter of the Evil King: Yeah, I'm just fully reusing Raven's backstory here. Steph's born into wickedness and expected to one day inherit her father's throne and oppress her people and possibly curse the future Snow White. Which earns her respectful fear from her fellow "evil" peers, fearful respect from most of her classmates, and dread from herself, because she doesn't want to be anything like her dad, for better or for worse, even if it means risking going poof. Doesn't really help she's just not a good student in the classes assigned to her and her father keeps telling her she'll be a terrible Evil Queen anyway. Would absolutely prefer to write her own destiny. Her current plans involve doing fuck-all as an adult.

Peter Spankoffski, son of one of the Generic Charming Families: More specifically, the ones from Beauty and the Beast. One problem. He wasn't exactly planned. His big brother has already lived out being the beast and a noble lady named Jenny broke Ted's curse yeeeeaaarrrs ago, so Pete's already seen what should be his story play out in real time. And given the assumption that Ted and Jenny's kid would take on one of their roles, Pete's not sure he even has a destiny. Pretty much ostracized by most of his peers for so obviously not having a destiny. He's the only non-villian not inherently scared of Steph, and when they talk it's all like "god, you're so lucky your story isn't a shitshow" "at least you have a story" and eventually they kinda further break destiny by dating because they are literally just Raven and Dexter in another font.

Ruth Fleming, daughter of The Mad Hatter: @mythuzalasheir3 suggested this one to me and I was so inclined to agree. Ruth is so Wonderlandian to me. She's theatrical, she's eccentric and not willing to turn it down, will just say what's on her mind as she sees it. Taking a bit from the books canon, she does sorta resent Steph at first for her father going off-book and poisoning Wonderlandian magic, but after Pete urges her to actually talk to her as they start hanging out more, she sees Steph isn't as scary as she thought and very quickly gets comfortable turning up her madness and speaking Riddlish around her like she does with her other friends. Speaking of which.

Richie Lipschitz, son of the Wizard of Oz: Yes. I really am making Pete the odd one out. Ruth is Wonderlandian, Richie is an (honorary) Ozian. Sue me. This basically stems from how Richie was in charge of taping the prank in the Waylons/putting on the music, so knowing he has special effects know-how, he is going to have a blast doing the hologram head thing in the Emerald City for a few decades. He also plans on introducing pop culture stuff to Oz, too, not just more science. Nerd. I think he's iconic for it.

(Side note: neither Ruth nor Richie can believe that they're just casually best friends with a prince, even though Pete really doesn't want it to be a big deal).

Grace Chasity, daughter of the Temple Woman from The Little Mermaid: Right. History time. If you're not familiar with the original version of TLM, after the mermaid brings the prince back to shore, a girl from a Christian monastery finds the prince, and he believes she saved him instead of the mermaid. And also she and the prince are married by the end. I chose this fully because she's very proud of the fact she already has an immortal soul, and doesn't have to do anything for a happily ever after other than be in the right place at the right time. She does not give a damn about who her prince is as long as they stick to the script. Basically, she's a Royal out of necessity more than anything.

Max Jagerman, son of another Charming Clan: More specifically, he's destined to be the Rapunzel's prince. He's in with Steph because he thinks it's a good idea to be on the good side of all royals in his class. But not Storiless Spankoffski. He does NOT fraternize with people whose existence could poof away a whole story. For as much as he tries to fit the example of Perfect Royals Accepting Their Destiny, he does still have a target of affection not in his story: Grace. Being much more stereotypically Royal than him, she keeps rejecting him due to not being interested and not even part of his story. Doesn't stop him from trying.

The Lords in Black, the heads of Ever After High: Everyone has a destiny. They're here to run the school and enforce them, and also dictate the destinies of the more ambiguous cases like Charming Number Twenty-Seven or "how do we find a replacement for a character who is dead." They say there's a spider in the basement but don't even worry about it, they'll take care of it eventually.

Webby, the Weaver in the Basement: Basically taking the place of Giles Grimm, her brothers have let her have less and less involvement with destinies over the years, so she's spinning up happier endings that hopefully won't go poof in solitude. Would definitely encourage Steph to follow her heart instead of her destiny.

Henery Hidgens as the Magic Botany teacher, and also former Jack of Jack the Giant Slayer fame: man I just think this would be funny

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jben073 · 5 months

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Grace Chasity and Bliklotep Headcanons!

Here are the Grace and Blinky headcanons that I made bc I misunderstood the last ask! Hope you all like these bc they were really fun to make!

- Grace has always had poor vision. She’s supposed to wear glasses but she has always hated how they felt on her face and hated the sensation of contact lenses even more so she just kind of suffered through not being able to see super great and accommodated herself whenever possible for most of her life. After coming into contact with Blinky/being under his influence, however, her vision becomes exceptionally sharp and developed.

She becomes abnormally aware of even the smallest movements or visual changes in her surroundings. One day she has the sudden realization that she can now see in the dark because Blinky needs his vessel to be able to see at all times so that he can watch at all times.

- Blinky likes to ‘passively’ possess Grace and essentially just (figuratively) sit in the back of her mind while Grace remains conscious and keeps (majority) control of her body. This is because he likes to watch things through her eyes/point of view.

When he’s doing this, she tends to become a lot more still and quiet, and her irises are tinted purple like the people in WatcherWorld. Most often, he does this when Grace is witnessing something that he would find entertaining (usually arguments or violence). She’s like a front-row seat to the action for him!

- While Grace carries on with her day (at school in this case) during Blinky’s ‘passive’ influence, she will occasionally realize that she has been unconsciously doodling eyes all over her paper alongside the occasional Blinky ramble exposing her classmates’ secrets (which she promptly rips up and wishes she never saw in the first place.)

He will also sometimes push forward enough to very minorly take control and use Grace’s voice to speak for a moment. Typically it’s more of the same with him saying something ominous about knowing/seeing what someone has done and possibly taunting them about eventually being punished.

Her classmates are unphased because honestly, Grace is just kind of like that all of the time anyway.

- Blinky likes to mess with Grace by making her unintentionally cheat on tests. He knows that oddly, the things that get to her the most are the little things that challenge her specific morals rather than the blatant violence he might enact to mess with others. While writing tests, Blinky will flash images of the answer sheet in her mind before Grace is able to think of the answer on her own so that now it’s impossible for her to get the answers wrong and thus she is wracked with guilt for having an unfair advantage over her classmates.

- Blinky will constantly try to influence Grace into snooping through her friends' things or just generally invade others’ privacy. Often he does this by filling her head with all kinds of distrustful thoughts: telling her that they’re hiding things from her, that they're talking behind her back, that they stole something from her, that they’re going down the wrong path, etc. Anything to make her stick her nose where it doesn’t belong. If she’s kind of zoned out, he’ll sometimes subtly influence her into walking within earshot of private conversations so that she overhears things that she shouldn’t know.

Grace has now taken to holding her hands very tightly clasped behind her back while in others’ homes because it makes it easier to avoid the temptation to rifle through things that are none of her business.

- Blinky is a huge gossip (a bit of a lighthearted word for an eldritch god but it suits him!) and he specifically is the one who (very gleefully) directs Grace toward her victims. He’s always in her ear telling her about the sins of her peers and giving suggestions as to which “dirty dude” she should go after next.

- Oddly, I feel like Blinky has a little bit of a soft spot for Grace compared to the other humans that he’s encountered but that doesn’t mean he won’t mess with her. Because of this, Blinky tells Grace what people say about her behind her back. Part of this is because he wants to hurt her, but part of him also wants her to know so that she can stick up for herself and get revenge (plus there’s the added bonus of it being free entertainment for him!).

When he’s having a rare moment of empathy, he will simply inform her of the sins of the person who was saying nasty things about her and encourage her to use the Black Book on them without ever disclosing that they were saying anything about her.

- Grace is the most paranoid about Blinky out of all of the LIB. She’s not necessarily afraid of him, but she is constantly aware that he could be watching her, especially when she’s doing something that she thinks is wrong or sinful (even if it wouldn’t actually phase him at all) and she is afraid that he will use this information against her or tell others.

He lets her continue to think this way because it gives him greater power over her but realistically, he would not want to betray her trust in this way and risk his most powerful asset becoming disobedient/disloyal to him.

One more silly one to end on!

- Blinky constantly wants to antagonize Bill when Grace sees him at church but she has set that as a hard ‘no’ boundary because she refuses to be disrespectful to ‘a good churchgoing Christian’ like Bill.

She’s nice to him at church!! She can’t lose that!

That's all I've got rn but this was very fun!

Anyone can feel free to send me asks about hcs :D I definitely have a bias toward Grace-related hcs (including stuff like this where it’s her dynamic with another character) bc my brain is rotted for her, but I’m willing to try others if someone wanted that :)

#grace chasity #blinky #bliklotep #starkid hcs #lords in black #nerdy prudes must die #npmd #starkid #hatchetfield #nightmare time

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moonmoonthecrabking · 8 months

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hi here's my thinkpiece on the religiosity of grace chasity (also op is a christian no clowning in the notes) :)

so she's pretty clearly a critique on christianity, specifically american evangelical christianity. that's because that one's got a lot of purity culture fuckery. she lives in a no-moan household. she wears swimmers to the bathtub. i say evangelicalism not catholicism because of the exchange with detective shapiro.

and her purity is what she finds most valuable about herself. and, i would argue that that and swearing are the most christian* things she adheres to. when she finds herself accidentally masturbating (good on her for finding her spot immediately tbh), she wants to do anything to get rid of it. she thinks kissing and carrying books is sinful (there is nothing in the Bible about this). but she's fine when she commits manslaughter (which the Bible doesn't like super vibe with). and that is the biggest problem with american evangelicalism. that sexual immorality** and doing secular things (swearing, non-christian music) are the worst sins you could ever commit. she loves power, and i've found that evangelicals in my country (australia) have a similarly hell-focused theology to grace (her disregarding catholicism, "she's bisexual and dead where else would she be").

so let's talk about the climax (pun intended) of the musical, which simultaneously shows grace in the best light of the whole show and how the church didn’t help her in her faith. let’s start with the positive: grace giving up what means the most to her so neither of her friends have to die. it’s the most wwjd moment she has in the whole show, sacrificing herself for, if you’ll excuse the ocean-ism, the Betterment of Humanity. however, she gives up her chastity. not her faith, or her relationship with God, or church attendance, or her love for humanity. that last one isn’t really in line with grace’s character, and that’s exactly my point. all these things should be valued over her virginity. but they aren’t, because the us evangelical church is really obsessed with (their definition of) sexual morality. i say this as someone who is allosexual (not het but) and intends to wait until marriage to have sex because of my christian faith.

the finale is also telling. she revels in her power, because i think you’ve seen church leaders who manipulate and hurt. there continues to be an emphasis on her prudence.

now, not to hijack my religious analysis post with my religious agenda but, i feel bad for her. i’m not going to say everything about us evangelicalism is wrong, i like nuance, and for the same reason i’m not even going to say that about their sexual ethics. i do disagree with some interpretations (mainly the queer stuff), but i do believe any christian has the right to interpret the Bible to the best of their abilities and act accordingly. i’ll never say “you’re going to hell for your interpretation of the Bible” (with one major and irrelevant exception). i am fine with christians following the sexual ethics they feel are right/called to.

the issue is, grace, in her environment, hasn’t had the opportunity to do that work for herself. she hasn’t been able to flourish in her faith in any regard because she’s been encouraged (considering what i’ve gleaned, birth) to focus on virginity and not even think sexually about someone else. that hatred is fine but sex will send you straight to hell. and like. the Bible says sexual sin is a big bad (i personally interpret that to be things like rape, incest, and paedophilia), but it also says the greatest commands are to love God and love your neighbour. those can be difficult when you’ve been taught to look elsewhere from your faith community

basically i want to give grace a deconstruction arc so she can be a happy healthy murdering christian :)

#npmd #npmd spoilers #nerdy prudes must die #grace chasity

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oo-delallymrcrow · 3 months

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In Your Dreams, Jägerman

Alright, I’m on a new kick after watching Nerdy Prudes Must Die. And I am saddened that I couldn’t find any fanfics so again, if I want it I got to write it myself.

This is spicy so those under 18 DO NOT READ! I have warned you.

This has religious stuff, but mostly sex in a church.

“And I was thinking since you’re new in town and you come to my church now. You can help me stop the school dance.”

(Y/N) stopped at her locker giving Grace a look, “why do you want to stop homecoming?”

“Because (Y/N),” she huffed, "I run laps in that gym and I don't want to step on any wayward spunk when they dry hump in there.”

She makes a face at her choice of words and roll her eyes. “Only you Grace would stop a whole dance for that.”

Grace glared at (Y/N) as she closed her locker, “you don’t seem so on board with this (Y/N). Why is that?”

(Y/N) shrugged, “I just wouldn’t go and tell the coach to allow you to run laps around the school.”

Grace blinked at her like her words didn’t make sense.

“I’m still going to stop it.”

She just sighed and watched Grace walk away. She was grateful she at least had one person she new from Hatchetfield. Ever since her parents made her move here for their careers, she wanted to just try and fit in somewhere her senior year. She knew Grace from a church summer camp her parents made her attend.

Her parents and the Chasity’s had the same views with religion, while (Y/N) just went along with whatever her parents said. It was better to just nod along and say nothing then to start her “drama”, as her parents put it.

So she was proclaimed as the “good christian girl” by the students of Hatchetfield High. This new nickname has brought a different kind of attention that she didn’t think was going to happen. But come on what did she expect, there is porn.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t little miss good girl herself.”

Max Jägerman. The jock and self proclaimed “god” of Hatchetfield High.

She groaned as she tuned around to see Max lean up against the lockers behind her. He grinned at her as she crossed her arms.

“What do you want Max?”

“I just want to know what my good girl is up to. Heading to class?”

“I am not your good girl Max.”

He pushed away from the lockers to step closer to her.

“Oh but you are. You’re saving yourself for special old me.”

She rolled eyes, “in your dreams Jägerman. And as everyone here knows I’m saving myself for god.”

If she was going to be called the “good christian girl”, she might as well act like it.

He grinned as she felt her back hit the lockers and he placed his hands on either side of her to keep her trapped there.

“Yeah, you’re saving yourself for me.” He leaned in close and whispered into her ear, “I’m gonna be your new god baby.”

She pressed her legs together and bite her lip as he placed a small kiss on her neck, under her ear.

“Fuck you Jägerman.”

“Wow, that’s not a very good girl thing to say.” He grinned at her as she stared back at him.

“Just go away and leave me alone,” (Y/N) pushed him off of her and went to walk away before turning back to him.

“And you’re never gonna be a god, Jägerman.”

She started back down the wallway when she heard him shout, “but I already am good girl!��

—————————————————————————————————————

(Y/N) sighed as she laid in bed, staring at the ceiling in thought. Still thinking about the conversation Max and her had.

‘God he’s so stupid, and hot. That wasn’t fair.’

She rolled over with a huff.

“Why is the hot jock the worst guy ever.”

(Y/N) glanced at the clock, 10:00. Ugh, she should sleep before she keeps thinking. She rolled over to the other side and let her body relax, closing her eyes.

——-———————————————————————————————————

Opening her eyes, she looked at her hands folded in front of her, kneeling in prayer.

She snorted with as she looked up and around, her face scrunched in confusion. The church she was in wasn't the one Grace's or her family went to.

It was a big cathedral, an alter in front of her with the Bible open. There were candles everywhere, making the lighting feel intimate.

“Hey there, my good girl.”

(Y/N) gasped and whipped her head toward the husky voice. The voice that she knew all too well.

“Max?” She whispered in shock as he walked toward her in a… priest uniform?

She swallowed harshly as he just smirked at her.

“Have you come here to confess your sins?”

She just stayed silent as he stopped right in front of her, looking down upon her like she belonged there. (Y/N) felt herself get warm at she tried to avoid looking at his groin right in front of her face.

“M-Max, what are you doing?”

He shushed her and placed his hand under her chin to make her look up at him. He grinned as she made eye contact, making her bite at her bottom lip. He groaned and knelt down on the floor so they were face to face.

She couldn’t help but admire him this close. His blue eyes looked dark with the way he was looking at her.

“Do you know how wild you drive me (Y/N)?”He whispered as he leaned into her. She let her eyes start to close as he got near, feeling his breath on her lips. She shook her head.

“I want you to say ‘no sir’.”

She gulped and opened her mouth to let out a shaky breathe.

“No sir.”

He smiled and chuckled, “thats a good girl.”

She let out a whimper as he pressed his lips against hers. His lips were soft and surprisingly gentle as she placed a hand on his shoulder to steady herself.

‘Oh God. this can not be happening right now.’

She pulled away and placed her hand against her lips, closing her eyes. This was making her feel things for him.

Max grabbed her arm to pull her hand away, “whats wrong baby? I thought we were enjoying ourselves?”

(Y/N) looked back at Max. He was smirking again and she quickly stood up.

“Enjoying ourselves? Max we are in a church, we shouldnt be doing,” she threw her hand out to him, “this.”

He smiled and cocked an eyebrow, “I didnt see you complaining. I say that you were even enjoying it.”

He growled at the end of his sentence and (Y/N) couldn’t help the shutter that ran through her body. She quickly moved away from him toward the alter, trying to clear her head.

“Oh god, what am I doing?”

“Well if you’re asking? Then you should be doing me.”

She turned as he snuck up behind her to speak. She yelped as he lifted her up and pushed everything on the alter off of it. She gaped at the bible being thrown on the floor before looking back at Max. He placed her ontop and placed his hand on her thighs. She watched as he pushed her skirt up.

She felt like she couldnt breathe as Max slowly knelt down in front of her.

“I know that you should be on your knees worshipping me, but why not let your god reward you for such devotion.”

She tensed as he said those words to her.

“You’re not my god Max.”

He smirked up at her as he pulled her closer toward him, having her body lean back against the table.

“Oh but I will be baby.”

Before she could say another word she yelled out as he rushed forward and licked up her pussy.

‘Am I not wearing underwear?’

She couldn’t think after that thought because Max Jägerman was licking up her pussy right now. He groaned as he tasted her and sat back a little to run a hand up her thigh. He looked up at her and smiled as she watched him push a finger inside of her.

“You taste heavenly (Y/N).”

She groaned at his words and actions and let her head fall back. She let her body just feel everything that was going on. Moaning loudly as she felt him lick her clit and suck it into his mouth as he added another finger.

“Fuck yes Max. You’re making me feel so good.”

She couldn’t help but to run her hand through his dirty blond hair and give it a tug. He groaned against her and pulled away again.

“Yeah? Is your god making you feel good my dirty girl. Having me eat you out on this alter in god’s house.”

She gasped and snapped her head upt to look at him. He had an evil smile as she tried to breathe and shake her head.

“N-no. you’re not-”

“Yes I am,” Max’s face got serious as he slowed his fingers from moving.

(Y/N) whined and moved her hips to try and make him move again.

“Tell me I’m your god (Y/N).”

“No,” she exhaled.

He grabbed her thigh and pulled it close as he bite down. She screamed as the pain hit her at the same time Max started moving his fingers again, harder into her. He released her skin and smirked at the dark red amrk on her thigh.

“Tell me,” he growled.

He looked back into her eyes as she watched him. She could feel herself start to tense and the burning inside of her get hotter.

“Say ‘you’re my god Max’,” he said in a condescending tone, “and I’ll let you cum.”

She felt her mouth fall open as he leaned down to suck her clit back into his mouth. As she started to get right to where she wanted he started to pull away again. She quickly wrapped her legs around his back and gripped his hair into her hand.

“You’re my God! You’re so amazing please god let me cum! Please Max!”

He smirked against her and nodded his head as she looked down to see his eyes open up to look at her.

“Cum in my mouth my good girl.”

—————————————————————————————————————

(Y/N) shot up in bed as she cried out and grabbed at her blanket. She blinked her eyes rapidly as she looked around her bedroom.

She let out a whine as she fell back into bed and threw her hands to her face. She moved a leg and felt something on her thighs. She pulled up her blanket to see a pillow shoved in between her thighs and whined again as she grabbed it and found a wet spot on it.

“Great I had a wet dream and ruined my pillow.”

She threw it across the room when a knock came from her door.

“Dear? Are you alright? I thought I heard something strange.”

(Y/N) grimaced as she looked at the clock on her night stand.

“No mom sorry. It was just a bad dream.”

“Oh alright. Well better get up for school then dear. Don’t want to be late.”

“Alright mom,” (Y/N) sat up before her mom spoke up again.

“Oh and honey? Don’t forget your father and I are leaving for the Bible study weekend trip today so we won’t be home when you’re done with school.”

(Y/N) said a quick ok as she moved to get out of bed when it hit her. She gasped and threw her hands to her mouth as she looked toward the pillow.

“Oh fuck, I had a wet dream about Max Jägerman.”

#starkid npmd #npmd #max jagerman #fanfic #x reader #max x reader #a specific story I need #will probably write a second part #grace chasity #x (y/n)

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journal-number-3 · 6 months

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My personal theory is that while maybe not planned- the lords in black definitely wanted two things from the summoning:

1. For Steph or/and Pete to die and....

2. Grace to end up with the black book

Let me explain

So for one, the dialogue when the LIB address the nerds during the summoning:

"We've been watching you Gracy, someone's been a little.... naughty"

"Oh boy a Spankoffski! I'm going to have the whole set in my toy box!"

"Stephanie, yum yum"

Tinky's line is an obvious reference to Time Bastard and Blinky's line has been theorized to mean that the LIBs were purposely fucking with Grace. Which I fully believe. I mean sure the original fantasy could have been repressed horniness coming out- but after Richie's death scene it's implied she had a vision of that event. Which makes no sense cause Grace isn't shown to be psychic at all. And if my theory's true and they wanted someone to get the book- who better than the girl who's already so devoted?

Anyway, I've seen no one talk about Nibblys line to Steph. It's possible they just wanted to have all of the kids fucked with by an individual lord but I like reading into things. It's heavily theorized that Steph's mom was sacrificed to Nibbly- as the honey queen, by Solomon, etc. So maybe he wants another Lauter the same way Tinky wants another Spankoffski.

So Wiggly tells them hey- sacrifice one another to end it. Pete kills Steph or Steph kills Pete-either way, one of the Lords in Black gets one of their favorite guys. Hell the best case scenario for them is that whichever ones still alive would end up killing themselves out of guilt. And then both Tinky and Nibbly would be happy. Either way, Grace still gets the book and can spread their influence and probably end the world.

What they didn't account for was Grace Chasity being a little freak and deciding to literally fuck their problems away.

#nerdy prudes must die #starkid #hatchetverse #npmd

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doublestandardlove · 7 months

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F is for:

"Fine, can you just put me down? It's just a sprained ankle, I can walk by myself."

Steph and Grace held Pete up, pressed up against each other as they carried him bridal-style. They trudged through the woods in determined silence, sweat dripping down their grim faces.

"It's all good, Pete," Steph said through gritted teeth, clearly struggling to carry his lower half. "But if Grace wants to take a break, that's fine too."

Grace was hardly breaking a sweat, even with the axe in her hand. "I'm good-" Steph cut her off with a glare and a harsh kick to her ankle. Grace huffed, "Fine, I guess we can take a break."

"We'll just sit you against that tree over there." Steph gently sets him down against a tall tree, giving him a reassuring smile. "I'm sure we're not too far from camp," she says, sitting down next to him.

Grace plops down unceremoniously between them. "It's just like I told you, all those hiking trips were going to come in handy for later." She sticks her axe in the ground, handle first.

"Chasity, why the hell are you still carrying that thing?"

Grace sighed as if she'd had to explain it a million times. "We might need it, you never know!"

"You know what we need more? A damn phone," Steph deadpanned, crossing her arms. "If it wasn't for this stupid camp-"

"Camp Idonwannabang isn't stupid, Steph! If it wasn't for this camp, we wouldn't be best friends now, would we?"

Steph glowered at her, crossing her arms. "As if I could forget," she muttered darkly, eyeing the axe next to her feet. "The second we get back, I'm getting the hell out of here."

Grace's eyes widened, taken aback. "But you can't leave, summer isn't even over yet!"

Pete scoffs, mirroring Steph's body language. "Yeah, Grace, I think it's over. Especially since there are five dead bodies all over camp!"

Grace rolled her eyes. "We were doing just fine when Noah and Mary were killed, and if you couldn't tell, I'm the one holding the axe. We're going back to camp."

#grace chasity #stephanie lauter #peter spankoffski #abstinence camp #nerdy prudes must die #hatchetfield #starkid

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infectedpaul · 8 months

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so like, as far as i can tell black friday is the One timeline that gets Ended and rebooted, tgwdlm is a Forever looping timeline, even if its stuck in 2018 its the same show being performed over and over and over , and npmd Doesnt GET to end you just GET to go back to school and Grace chasity killed your brother this weekend for talking to her mom at walmart

#dex says things

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amethystunarmed · 6 months

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It Can't Be Undone Chapter 2

Word Count: 4,795 Chapter 1 Ao3 Link Detailed CW on AO3

When he realized what the Lords were asking Steph to do, Peter hadn't thought it was much of a choice. If it was him or Steph, it wasn't going to be Steph. And part of it made sense, didn't it? He and Richie and Ruth were a unit. Ted called them pack animals, and stopped bothering to ask if they were coming over when he picked up Peter from school. They were inseparable.

So doesn't it make sense he would follow them here, too?

As he waits there, on his knees, breath illuminated by the stadium lights, he wonders if one of the Lords in Black will wear him, the next time they're summoned.

Probably the yellow bastard.

“I’m ready,” he tells Steph, even though he isn’t.

The gun goes off and Peter doesn't die and for a moment, Peter feels disappointed. Then Max Jägerman is breaking his fucking arm and he doesn't have time to feel anything.

~~~

All in all, Max was having a pretty good day. He was pounding nerds to his heart's content, had Steph and her pet dweeb cowering at his mercy, and Grace Chasity finally realized just what she was missing out on. Which is why he is more than a little peeved when another fucking ghost shows up.

“Shitlips?” Max snarls, “ How you fuck did you get here? And what the fuck are you wearing?” Max woke up in the clothes he died in, but clearly Richie isn't bound by the same restriction. He's got green hair instead of blue and is wearing the $5 crown from last year's prom, but Max is 90% sure it's him.

“What did you just-” Shitlips hisses, then he stops and looks down at himself. “Oh. Will you look at that? I forgot what I was wearing.” He giggles, a wheezy, hitching laugh that Max has never heard from him before. A chill goes down Max's spine, and he feels uneasy in a way he hasn't since he woke up beside his dismembered corpse.

He thought originally that Shitlips was wearing one of his dorky cartoon outfits, the ones Max has pummeled him for wearing every Halloween since the 3rd grade, but looking at him, that seems less and less likely. He's pretty sure even Shitlips wouldn't shell out for contacts that made his eyes glow. That even with all those lame dances he's practiced in the cafeteria, he can't make his fingers bend like that .

“Shitlips?” He asks again, this time much more confused. What the fuck is happening?

“Actually, this is perfect,” the Lipschitz copy says with a grin, like Max hadn't spoken. “I can't imagine a better way to illustrate my point, Maxiepoo. You've been running around making quite the claims, haven't you? You said you were a god...” He pouts, and pats Max's head. “You don't know the meaning of the word.”

Max wrenches away from the touch. “I don't know what's gotten into you, but I beat your ass once, and I'll do it again!”

Max goes to punch him, but something grabs his hand. Fucking Flemwad , with gaudy glasses and long, highlighted hair, is holding him back. She has one hand clamped around his wrist, so tight his bones grind together. Max can feel bruises blooming under her hold. She giggles as he yanks against her hold. He had been able to easily throw her around the theater, like a toddler with a ragdoll. Now it feels like he's in the grip of a marble statue.

“What the fuck?” He moves to grab her with his other hand, but another hand clamps tight around him. Mayor Lauter isn't even looking at him, instead he is examining his fingernails.

Two more hands clamp around his ankles, and Max looks down to see the woman from the limo and the nerdy prude from the Waylon place, in blinding pink and neon yellow. They smile up at him with raucous, toothy grins. Their fingers burn where they touch him, so cold his skin cracks with neurotic black burns. Max thrashes, but he can feel their touch burrowing deep inside him, digging into the core of what he is now.

He knows, instinctively, in a way that took the place of breathing, that there is a well of power in him. It keeps him moving, grows with every nerd he guts, propels him like a shark. It is everything he is.

And he can feel these... Monsters draining it.

“W-what are you?”

Richie Lipschitz grins with bright, manic eyes. He takes Max's chin between his fingers and forces Max to look at him. “Look at what you did to us, Maxie!”

Blood soaks Richie's front, turning the green sweater a dark red. Richie reaches down and tries to rub it away, but green fur sprouts on his skin from wherever the blood touches. Richie opens his mouth, screaming like he had when Max had first descended upon him, only water floods from his mouth. It keeps opening, wider and wider, until there is a crack and tentacles pour forth, thousands of them, squirming and writhing and lapping at Max's face and arms.

He tries to lean away, but the tentacles push him to face Ruth Fleming. A spotlight illuminates her as the bottom half of her torso separates, where Max tore her in half. He remembers how her intestines fell out and he had laughed as they painted the stage. Now, eyes gush from the cavern in her abdomen, purple irises all locked on Max. They blink at him, blood and viscera eyelids his only reprieve from their stares.

There is a metal thunk, and Max turns to see a shovel embedded in Mayor Lauter's skull. With his free hand, he reaches up and tugs the tool loose. With a musical tinkling, shimmering blue shards fall from the wound and Max can see an endless black abyss inside of his head. Max can tell, intrinsically, that he is looking into the vastness of space, and that there are no stars, there are no planets, that he is entirely, singularly, alone. The two halves of Mayor Lauter’s face smile at him. Blue ooze swells up from the wound like crude oil from a well, and it dribbles down his front.

There is a wet splat, and warm, thick liquid splashes up Max's shin. A heavy weight rests against his shoe, and even before he looks down, Max knows the red headed woman's head is going to be staring blankly up at him. What he doesn't expect is the endless rows of serrated teeth lining the esophagus of her headless body. It leans forward and gnaws at his leg. Thick, viscous drool drips down his leg and even at a distance, Max can smell its breath reeking of rotten meat.

There is a sharp pain in his left foot. The man from the Waylon Place slams his head against Max's foot over and over, the same way Max had slammed his head into the rotting floorboards. His skull shattered the same way then, too. Only, instead of lying there, limp and gelatinous, the wet mess of flesh and brain sits up. It reaches a hand up to peel bits of skull away, like it is peeling a hard boiled egg, to reveal the bloody yellow head of a goat. It bleats at Max.

“W-what the actual fuck,” Max gasps.

The creatures laugh at him, wet and braying and metallic.

“Surely a god would understand,” the mass of tentacles coos. Bright, spotlight eyes illuminate Max, coating him in slimy green light.

The thing that never was Richie just smiles.

“You're in my world now, bitch!”

~~~

Peter takes a moment to gaze in amazement at where Max had been torn through a hole in reality. He turns to her, unable to keep the awe off his face.

“Holy shit, Grace! That was amazing!" She had saved his life. Was he indebted to Grace Chasity? Fuck, was he going to have to go to church with her now? He has no idea how he is going to explain that to Ted.

Grace looks up at him with a brilliant smile. Her shirt is still half untucked and there's grass in her mussed hair. Her lips are red and swollen and she looks the most relaxed Peter has ever seen her.

“My dad's dead,” she says brightly, and promptly bursts into tears.

“Oh shit,” Peter says frantically looking between her and Steph. Steph mouths “Do something!” at him while aggressively gesturing to Grace. Slowly, Peter reaches out and pats Grace's shoulder. “There, there...?” He trails off looking to Steph for approval. She facepalms.

She walks over to Grace, and sighs. “I still think you're fucking weird,” she says, but holds her arms open, “So this is a one time offer.”

Grace looks up from where she has her face pressed into hands. She blinks blearily at Steph, tears still cascading down her face. Then she staggers forward, falling into Steph's arms. Steph shakes with the force of Grace's sobs, tightening her hold on Grace as she screams into her chest. And then, almost impossibly, tears begin to trail down the lines of Steph's face. Slowly, first, then full hiccuping sobs. The two of them sink to the ground, fully weeping into each other's arms.

Peter doesn't know what to do, even more at a loss with two girls crying rather than just one. He swallows. Tears feel so far away. Everything feels so far away. He doesn't know how to comfort them or get them to stop or if he even should.

He kneels down, and places a hand on both their shoulders. He doesn't know what else to do.

He doesn’t know how long they sit there. Eventually, Grace and Steph catch their breath, panting and heaving under Peter’s arms, but they at least aren’t crying any longer. Peter waits for them to say something. They have planned every step of this excursion so far, and he is perfectly fine with being dragged along. But Steph and Grace don’t say anything. They just lean against each other.

It’s cold. None of them had time to grab coats and the temperature has plummeted with the setting of the sun. Peter can feel the girls shivering. So he says it.

“What do we do now?”

“I... I don't know. I don't even have anyone to call.” Steph says. “Miss Tessburger was my emergency contact if something ever happened to my dad, and...” Peter remembers the flare of red hair and the arc of blood that flew across the air. He swallows, fighting nausea at the memory of her severed throat.

Grace shakes her head as well. “I...” She stares blankly at her lap. She seems aimless, drifting aimlessly through the conversation. “I can't see my mom right now.”

So Peter ends up texting Ted. Peter doesn’t necessarily think this is the correct choice. His brother has been blowing up his phone all evening, with both texts and actual, honest to god voicemails. He is sure his message of “At the high school football field, please come get me” is not necessarily well received, given the way his phone immediately lights up with Ted’s face. Peter silences the call, and sends a thumbs up emoji when Ted texts “ill be ther in ten dont fuckin move”, and doesn’t really consider the implications of Ted showing up until his baby blue Stuedbaker pulls into the parking lot.

“PETER LORENZO SPANKOFFSKI!” Peter can hear Ted's screaming through the closed car windows. His brother steps out of the car, hands on his hips, keys jingling where they dangle in his hands. “Of all the times you decide to break curfew, it's when there's a fucking serial killer on the loose? And you couldn't even text me? I had to hear from Paul of all people that you nearly got arrested, at Beanie's of all places. You absolute noodle, I am going to-”

“Ted, it wasn't like that. We were just-”

“We?”

Peter can see the moment Ted realizes who is standing next to him. The anger drains from his face, and is replaced with a wide, smug grin. Oh no.

“Holy shit, are you out here with two girls ?” Jesus Christ. Peter is going to commit fratricide.

“We weren't-”

“If you were otherwise occupied, you could have just said-”

“Ted, cut it out!”

“You were letting me fucking pace at home while you were out here getting it on with-”

“Ted, shut up !” Peter shouts, ignoring the way his voice cracks, shoving his arms down stiff at his sides with balled fists. His injured wrist screams at the movement, and he whimpers, clutching it back close to his chest.

The others shout his name. Grace and Steph both come to his shoulders, looking over him. Ted about sprints to his side.

“What the hell happened, are you hurt?”

Ted looks at them, really looks at them. Peter knows they're a mess. Their clothes are torn from the shattered car windshield. Grace is still disheveled, with grass stains on her back and hickeys across her neck. Stephanie has eyeliner running down her cheeks and cuts on her face and arms from where they were running through the woods. Peter is drenched in sweat with dirt up and down his arms from digging up the black book. His wrist is swelling where Max grabbed it and Peter can already see the yellowing lines where his fingers dug into his skin.

“What the fuck happened to you, Pete?”

“Please can we just go home?” Ted still looks hesitant and it almost breaks something in Peter. He just wants tonight to be over. “Please Teddy,” he begs. His voice cracks again and it's fucking embarrassing but he just wants to go home.

Ted runs a hand through his hair but doesn't argue. “Yeah buddy, of course.” He wraps an arm around Peter’s shoulder, patting it once. “Let's go home.” Ted looks over Steph and Grace with awkward concern. “Do you, uh, need me to call your parents?”

“My dad's dead.”

“Mine too.”

Ted's eyes widen. “Oh. Um, I'm sorry. Are you sisters?”

“No.”

Ted's eyes get impossibly wider. “Okay then.”

~~~

The car ride home is awkward. No one speaks. Ted tries to turn on the radio, but Dan and Donna start reading out an APB for Grace and Peter slams his hand on the knob so hard he thinks he cracks it. Ted shoots Peter a flabbergasted look, but Peter just closes his eyes and leans his head back. If Ted ends up taking them to the police station, Peter at least wants a nap first.

But when the car rolls to a stop, they’re in front of Ted’s dated ranch house. The sight of it almost brings Peter to tears.

“Well, we’re here,” Ted says, as he puts the car into park. “Not exactly how I imagined Peter bringing a girl home.” The joke lands a pancake flipped onto the floor. “Okay, tough crowd. Come on, let’s get you all inside.”

They walk inside the front door, and Peter is immediately struck by the fact he and Ted haven’t cleaned in awhile. The sink is full of dishes, and an array of ties hang over the back of the couch from Ted yanking them off the moment he gets home. Crumbs cover the counters and Peter can’t remember the last time one of them vacuumed. Ruth and Richie were used to mess, so Peter hadn’t even thought...

He swallows the lump in his throat.

“Steph, Grace, do you want to shower?” He suggests, desperate to have a moment to at least shove shit in a closet, “You can borrow some clothes.”

“That sounds really nice, actually,” Steph says, with a gratitude Peter isn’t sure he’s actually earned. Grace nods as well.

“Sure, do you have a swimsuit I can borrow?”

Peter balks at the question. “Um, I have trunks?”

She sighs, looking so despondent, Peter actually feels bad he can’t summon a bikini out of thin air. “I guess it doesn’t matter much now. That’ll work.”

Peter grabs a pair of swim trunks that are a little small on him, and sleep clothes for the two of them. He walks Grace to his shower, and shows Steph to Ted’s master. Once the door closes behind him, he collapses against the wall. The striped wallpaper is cool against his cheek, and he trails his fingers against the slick surface as he catches his breath.

This is fine. This is all fine. He is just having a sleepover. That is a normal high school thing to do. Nevermind the fact it is with Stephanie Lauter and Grace fucking Chasity, never mind that he’s never had a sleepover with anyone who wasn’t Ruth or Richie-

Peter slams the brakes on that thought. If he starts to think about them, or worse, their doppelgängers, he thinks he may completely lose it.

He walks back to the kitchen and finds Ted pulling a mug out of the microwave. “Oh, perfect timing!” He offers the mug to Peter. “I, uh, I made you a hot chocolate? I figured... your blood sugar.”

It's a good point. Peter hasn't thought about it all night, but he's pretty sure adrenaline is the only reason he hasn't fainted yet. But he hadn't mentioned that to Ted. His brother just... did it.

“Thanks,” Peter squeaks out. That damn lump is back in his throat.

The mug is warm. It feels nice in his hands. His fingers shake as he brings it to his lips.

It’s fucking terrible. It's lukewarm, and not mixed properly so clumps of the mix coat Peter's tongue. But Ted made it for him. Tears well up in Peter's eyes and Ted begins panicking.

“Oh Jesus, is it really that bad? Sorry, sorry, I swear I followed the instructions. We could go to- fuck, they're closed. Everything’s closed, shit. Oh!” He pulls his phone out of his pocket. “I'll call Paul, he's been smiling lately so I'm pretty sure that barista is staying over, we can get her to-

Despite himself, Peter giggles. “You cannot just call Paul at 3 AM to use his girlfriend.”

“She already hates me, there's no harm, really.” And the thing is, Peter really thinks he means it. That he would call his coworker at ass o'clock at night just to figure out how to make hot chocolate.

A sob bubbles up his throat. He sets the mug down and he throws himself at Ted. He nearly knocks him over. He's taller than Ted now, even if he's lankier. It feels wrong still, uncanny; a reflection in the mirror he doesn't recognize yet. But Ted's arms are still tight around him, still hold him as he shakes. He rubs circles across Peter's back.

“What the fuck happened, Pete?” he whispers. For a moment, Peter almost tells him everything. The Waylon Place, cutting up Max's body, the blood he can still feel under his fingernails. The Black Book, the blinding power that welled inside him, the gods wearing the faces of the dead.

But then he remembers the god in yellow, the way Mr. Chasity's face had licked his lips as he said Peter's last name.

He can see it, suddenly, with perfect clarity, like the image was beamed into his brain. Ted, with vibrant yellow hair and square pupils, holding that glowing yellow box. He can hear his brother's voice making that terrible bleating laugh. He can practically hear Tinky's voice. Isn't this a good look for Teddy Bear? Don't be jealous, I'll be sure you match!

Vomit wells in Peter's throat. No. He won't tell Ted. He'll keep his brother as far away from that bastard as possible.

Instead, he tells a half truth. “We fought the murderer. The person who killed Ruth and Richie.”

Ted sucks in a sharp breath. Despair, terror, and fury wage on his face. He takes a few deep breaths, and Peter can tell he is trying not to yell. Peter curls in on himself.

“He... He tried to kill you?” Ted asks, and Peter nods. Ted hisses another pained breath. “Okay. Alright.” His voice breaks.

Peter... Peter can't remember the last time he saw his brother cry. There's a fuzzy memory in his head, of his fat toddler fingers patting Ted's wet cheeks, but it feels more like a dream than a memory.

But for as long as Peter can really remember, Ted never really cried when he got upset. He got mad, he yelled, but he didn't cry.

So Peter doesn't know how to react when tears well in his eyes

“Why didn't you call me?”

“I... I didn't want to get you involved.”

Ted glares at him, and jams his finger into Peter’s chest. “Fuck that. If it affects you, I'm involved, okay? So enough of these disappearing acts, of you just going completely radio silent. You want me to, what? Just stay awake all hours of the night wondering if you’re dead? Wait to get a call from the fucking coroner?”

Peter feels his eyes beginning to well with tears as well. “Of course not.”

“Then fucking call me, okay?” Ted shoves his shoulder, then ruffles Peter’s hair. “If shit is happening to you, I want to know about it. Okay?”

Not trusting his voice, Peter nods.

“Good.” Ted takes a drink of his hot chocolate. He promptly spits it back out. “Fuck that's terrible, what the fuck?”

Peter is still laughing when Grace and Steph get back from their showers.

~~~

Peter may not have thought the sleeping arrangements through. The three of them stand in a half circle around Peter's bed. Grace swims in a borrowed Hatchetfield high spirit week shirt and Steph has rolled up the ankles on sweatpants Peter stole from Ted.

“I... I can sleep on the floor?” Peter offers. His full bed should have more than enough room for Steph and Grace with him out of the equation.

“Peter, you are hiding us from the police, we are not going to kick you out of your bed,” Steph tells him. She grabs a pillow, and Peter realizes his sheets are nearly ten years old and have constellations on them. He is incredibly aware of the fact they are going to start glowing the second he hits the lights. He can feel himself blushing.

“I can go and sleep on the couch-”

Peter's stomach twists at the thought of her being out of his sight. Before he can even say anything, Grace speaks up.

“I think we can all fit.”

Peter feels his jaw drop, but he can’t help it. “Um...” He stammers, “You know that this is gonna be really uh, tight, right?” Peter knows his bed can fit three people, he, Ruth, and Richie have absolutely fallen asleep watching movies in it. But usually they have to pile on top of each other like puppies, curled up in a tangle of limbs. He can’t imagine Grace Chasity of all people being comfortable with the thought.

But to his immense surprise, she just nods, and then crawls into the bed. Peter turns to Stephanie, because clearly Grace has been replaced with a body double. Steph just shrugs and crawls in after her. And well, Peter really doesn’t want to sleep on the floor. He hits the lights, ignores Steph’s delighted laugh at his childhood bed linens, and joins them.

He was right, it’s a tight fit. He is pressed tightly against Steph’s side, and still feels like he is going to fall off the bed. Steph opens her arm, and Peter gladly takes the invitation. He rests his head on her chest. She is warm and soft and smells like Ted’s vanilla body wash, and for the first time since they were called into the principal’s office, something in Peter unknots. He lets himself sink into her, curling closer when she wraps her arm around him. He involuntarily sighs, content and comfortable, and Steph rewards him by running her fingers through his hair. It promptly turns off all the thoughts in his head. “Holy shit,” he whispers, without really thinking.

“Like that?” Steph asks, and he can hear the smug smile in her voice, but he still nods all the same.

“Fuck yeah...”

Part of him still expects Grace to kick up a fuss and tell them to leave room for Jesus or whatever the fuck she usually goes on about. But she is suspiciously silent. Peter is pretty sure he would be worried about it if Steph’s fingers weren't sapping up all of his brain power.

“Um, Grace, are you good?” Steph asks, and her fingers slow. Peter barely holds back a whine at the loss. “You are... pretty stiff.”

“Perfectly fine,” Grace says, sounding like she is having her fingernails ripped out. Steph sighs, sounding exasperated.

“If you are uncomfortable, we can make a pillow wall or something-”

“I’m not uncomfortable.” She doesn’t elaborate at first, staying quiet long enough that Steph begins playing with Peter’s hair again. He is nearly asleep when Grace says, “That just looks... really nice. That’s all.”

“Grace...” Steph says slowly, “Do you want to... cuddle?”

“Of course not! The wall is just digging into my back is all, and I figured, it would be an easier fit, if we were to get closer. Nothing untoward or anything.”

“Uh huh,” Steph says, breathing slowly, measured in a way that Peter has realized means she is holding back laughter. “That makes sense to me.”

“Right. So. Maybe, I could...” Grace doesn’t finish. Maybe she can’t. Peter feels Steph shift, offering her other side to Grace.

“Well? Get the fuck over here.”

Grace moves so quickly she almost headbutts Peter. “This is just for convenience, I hope that you know that.”

“Obviously,” Peter slurs, already slipping back toward sleep.

“Of course, Grace,” Steph agrees, “Now get some sleep.”

Peter doesn’t need much more encouragement after the night they’ve had. Steph and Grace’s breathing is a soothing lullaby, only a shade different from the sounds of his usual sleepovers, and he easily slips into a doze. It takes a while, longer than it normally would, for the shaking to rouse him. He blinks blearily, trying to figure out just want the fuck is happening, when he registers the sniffling. It is muffled, like someone has clamped a hand over their mouth, but it is clearly crying.

Peter initially assumes it’s Steph with the way she is shaking, but her voice is clear when she asks “Grace, what’s wrong?”

Grace doesn’t answer at first, can’t get past the tears. Peter and Steph don’t interrupt, they just wait until she says, “I had sex with Max,” and cries harder.

Steph doesn't seem to know what to say. After a moment, she asks, “And how do you feel about that?”

“It was... Good. It was really, really good. I liked it.” Grace sounds absolutely disgusted with herself. “This whole time, I have been trying to avoid these feelings and... I had sex. And it was great.” She clutches the pillow closer to her chest and sobs.

“Grace, I'm not following.”

“Don't you get it? I came up with the plan to get back at Max. I got us into the Waylon place. I killed Max. And he killed Richie and Ruth and...” She sniffles. Snot drips from her nose, and Peter grabs her a tissue from his nightstand. “And I could have... Just had sex with him and enjoyed it and maybe dated him and we could have protested homecoming together and now he's gone and none of it even matters because I gave up my virginity and we met five gods tonight and I don’t think any of them were Jesus.” She pauses for a moment, breaths heaving from the word vomit she just spewed. Then she lies back and stares at the ceiling. “My whole life has been pointless.”

“I can't say I get it,” Steph says, slowly. “Not in the same way. But like... My whole life has been dictated by my dad. Even when I went out and did what I wanted, it was stick it to him, you know? Prove he didn’t own me. And he was always calling me or having Miss Tessburger come and pick me up or... And now he's...” She swallows. “So what I'm trying to say is, I get what it is like to feel directionless.”

Peter thinks about his own life. About the absences in the room, about how his group thermodynamics project is now his sole responsibility, about the seats next to him that will be empty in every class.

“Maybe,” he says slowly, “we can find the point together.”

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pastriibunz · 1 month

Text

A GIRL, A GHOST, AND A GENERAL - EPISODE TWO: MY BEST FRIEND IS DEAD

Another playmate enters the scene, one that Kai strongly attaches to.

Max Jägerman was a Literal Monster.

And this time, they weren’t talking about his behavior.

A group of “Nerdy Prudes”, as he called them, had “accidentally” killed him with a prank gone wrong in The Waylon Place.

It ended with Max skewered on a loose piece of wood, vowing his revenge in a simple statement: “Nerdy Prudes Must Die.”

When he woke, he was dead.

A ghost.

Terrifying.

Yet amazing.

This meant he could hunt down, exterminate, every nerdy prude in Hatchetfield High.

It was fun, killing off the little nerds one by one.

However, his killing spree was short-lived.

He had gotten Ruth Fleming and Richie Lipschitz.

They were part of the reason he died, he felt it was justified.

He was ready to get two more, Peter Spankoffski and Stephanie Lauter.

But then Grace Chasity, her girlish charm, and her rockin’ bod got involved.

He did some less than holy things with her behind the bleachers, and that was his downfall.

Thanks to some deal those nerds made, Max was taken, now being studied by five eldritch beings beyond his comprehension.

These horrors made the Literal Monster look like a kitten in comparison.

For what felt like the first time in his life, Max Jägerman was terrified.

And he couldn’t do anything other than sit there, paralyzed, as these beings giggled and chittered over what to do with him.

“I wanna eat him!” One called.

“Bo-ring! Let me put him in the box with Teddy-Bear! That’ll be fun to watch!” Another spoke up.

“For you, maybe. Can I just shut him up? His voice is annoying, I’d much rather have him be a part of my ensemble.” Another whined.

“Maybe we should just put him back. I liked watching him cause chaos.” One said.

The four beings argued until the fifth spoke. “No, no. Those won’t be any fun.”

The others quieted. Max could tell this one was the top dog. That kind of presence came with power.

He used to have that power.

“No, boys, I have the perfect thing for our new fwendy-wend.”

Max was scared for what came next as he was dragged off.

Max JÃ¤german was 18 years old. And he was terrified.

Kai Drew was 17 years old. And she was bored.

17 years in what was practically an empty void, and you’ll see whatever there was to see, ten times over.

The sniggles weren’t any fun to play with. They were far too good at following directions. There was no struggle, no challenge. It was boring.

Watcher World wasn’t as much fun, unlike when she was younger. At least then, she was a bit too small for some of the rides, so she had something to look forward to. Now, she was big enough for all of it, and she had ridden all there was to ride. Papa Blinky would try to add in new rides every so often for her, but each ride felt more sub-par than the last.

The Black, along with Drowsy Town, weren’t any fun to look through. She’s seen all there was to see: black void to your left, black void to your right.

She had once asked to go to The White, just for a chance to explore something new. Plus, she had whispers that her papas’ sister, Webby, lived there. She thought they’d like that. She’d get a new place to explore, plus maybe a mama. Or an auntie. She didn’t mind either way.

Her papas did not like that.

They got all weird and angry, and The White and Webby entered on their ‘banned conversation topics’ list.

Other than that, her papas were fun, as they always were. But she knew her constant presence could be annoying. She didn’t want to annoy her papas. She loved them.

The only semi interesting thing was Uncle Mac.

She didn’t mind annoying him. He was her best friend, you’re supposed to annoy them!

He told her about the world beyond the veil. But she had to tell him about things from her life in The Black first.

That was their dynamic. Give some to get some. Kai tells him a story, he’ll tell her one. Kai gets him his old outfit back, he’ll play dress up with her, and so on and so forth.

It was strange, at first. He’d ask weird questions about her papas’ weaknesses, how she got to The Black and White, things that she didn’t know how to answer.

Once he realized that she didn’t know, it was nice. He asked about stories from her childhood, what her papas’ were like to her, what she did in her free time, and things like that.

In turn, she asked what he did before The Black, what life was like out there, who he was, and more. He wasn’t always willing to answer her questions, but he made sure she got a good story when she did get an answer.

She spent a lot of time with her Uncle Mac. He was a lot nicer to her than Uncle Wiley. Her papas weren’t very keen on this at first, but with a charming smile (plus some puppy dog eyes and a little begging), she managed to convince them it was fine.

So, here she was. Curled up, fiddling with her fingers, head lying in her Uncle Mac’s lap as he quietly read a book, listening to his breathing, and occasionally receiving a head scratch or two.

“Uncle Mac?” She spoke up eventually. He hummed in acknowledgment, a sign for her to go on.

She continued. “Can you tell me more stuff about your world?”

He nodded, looking down at her expectantly. She knew what that meant. Time for her to share.

She nodded back. “Papa Pokey likes something called a ‘Paul Matthews’, Papa Tinky likes something called a ‘Ted Spankoffski’, he calls it his ‘Teddy-Bear’, and Papa Blinky likes something called a ‘Bill Woodward’. Papa Nibbly likes whatever is winning his Honey Festival, and last I remember it was something called a ‘Linda Monroe’. Papa Wiggly also liked the Linda, but he also likes Uncle Wiley.”

McNamara nodded. “Those are names of people, Kai.”

“Like how I’m Kai Drew and you’re Uncle Mac?” She asked.

McNamara hesitated for a bit before nodding. “â€¦Yes. Like how you’re Kai and I’m Uncle Mac.”

Kai hummed. “So, wait, if Papas’ apparently like these humans, which still don’t exist, by the way. My papas told me I came from the Black like they did.”

“What am I, then?” McNamara asked, trying to help the girl realize.

“Dunno, but that’s not the point.” Kai said, quickly shutting him down. “If my papas like these humans, then why’d they tell me humans don’t exist?”

McNamara paused. He still didn’t know. What was the goal there? “…I don’t know, Kai.”

Kai sighed. Apparently, Uncle Mac didn’t have all the answers.

He patted her head. “What did you want to know?”

Kai shifted excitedly. “What does PEIP do?”

“Kai, you know I can’t tell you that. It’s classified.”

“Boo.”

“I know, I know.”

“Then…tell me stories from the Great War or whatever!”

“I wasn’t alive then, Kai.”

“And I thought you were a general!”

“I…am. I just wasn’t alive then.”

“Could you’ve been alive then? Then you’d have stories to tell other than, ‘it’s classified’.”

“A lot of things we do in the military are classified, Kai.”

“Where’s the drama? The action?! Tell me something about yourself.”

“…I have a husband.”

“Ooh! Gimme the deets! Is there any marriage drama?! Did something happen with you two?!”

“No, it’s nice. We’re happy.”

Kai huffed and rolled over, cheeks puffed up in anger. “Do us all a favor and be less happy.”

McNamara simply chuckles quietly, a sound that goes unheard by Kai, and scratches her head. “Sorry I can’t be more entertaining, Kai.”

“It’s fine, I guess.” She mumbles, burrowing deeper into his lap.

A noise comes from the hall, and Kai perks up. She sits up, staring towards the door. Her behavior causes McNamara to look over as well. It opens soon after, revealing Kai’s five papas. She grins. McNamara hardens.

“Hi, princess!” Wiggly starts, before noticing McNamara. He stiffens.

“Oh. Your…friend is here.” Wiggly mutters.

Pokey pushes past. “No matter, the show must go on. Songbird, we have a little surprise for you!”

Kai tilts her head. “What is it?”

“Well-” Pokey is quickly cut off by Tinky, who’s grinning wildly. “We got you a brand new playmate!”

Pokey glares and wacks his brother in the head. Tinky winces and rubs the spot, as Nibbly and Blinky usher Max out, dressed similarly to McNamara when he first arrived, except with a longer blouse, shorter slacks, and knee high socks.

Max gags. “Gross, I look like Spankoffski!”

His interjection goes ignored.

“This is Maxwell Jägerman, you can call him Max. He’s gonna be a lot of fun to play with.” Blinky said, ruffling her hair. He then leaned down, whispering in her ear. “If you want, you can take him and Mac to Watcher World.”

Kai brightens at the prospect. Blinky smiles and plants a kiss on her forehead, going back with his brothers.

“Are you guys sure I can’t just taste him? Just a little bit?” Nibbly whines.

Wiggly glares. “No.” He shifts his gaze to Kai, immediately softening. “Have fun with your new friend, darling.”

Kai smiles. “I will, Papa Wiggly! Bye-bye!”

He waves before walking out, taking his brothers with him, leaving Max alone with Kai and McNamara. The ghost pounds on the door.

“Hey! HEY! Let me outta here! No way in hell am I going to be subjected to dress like fucking Spankoffski of all people!” Max shouts, pounding angrily.

After nobody responds, Max huffs and whips around. He’s met with the sight of a mostly teal haired girl with pale skin and a scar on her cheek nose to nose with him.

He yelps. “What the fu-?!” He’s cut off by the girl poking his nose.

“Hi!” She says, excited. Max stares down at her, confused. She continues poking him. “Why’s your skin so gray? Why are your eyes so dark? Why-”

“Kai.” McNamara speaks up. Kai freezes and retreats back to his side. Max blinks.

“Sorry about her, son. She’s excitable.” McNamara says.

“Who are you?! And who is she?! And who and what the hell were those things?!” Max shouts, pointing to the door.”

“My name is General John McNamara of the United States Military, special unit PEIP. We call it Peep.” McNamara says.

Kai then throws herself around him, hugging him tight. “And he’s my uncle! And my best friend!”

McNamara pats her head. Kai lets go and holds out her hand towards Max. “I’m Kai Drew! And those things were my papas.”

Max doesn’t take her hand, instead he just stares at her, mouth agape. “Those…freaks are your dads?!”

Kai scowls. “Hey, don’t call my papas freaks!”

“Easy, son. She doesn’t know what they do.” McNamara speaks up.

Max glares. “Whatever. What’s her deal? Why’s she soâ€¦” He said, pointing to Kai.

“I’m right here, y’know!” Kai interjected, pouting. She went ignored.

“The girl’s been raised here, she doesn’t know how to interact with people.” McNamara says.

Kai scoffs, laughing nervously. “I’m sure that’s not what he was talking about-”

“No, actually, that’s exactly what I was talking about. That explains everything.” Max says, cutting Kai off.

“Well- well- urgh!” Kai growls, defeated.

Max cackles. “That’s all you got?!”

“I am very bad at insults.” Kai mutters.

Max nods. “Clearly. You could’ve at least called me a dickhead.”

Kai tilts her head “What’s a dickhe-”

“Okay! That’s enough of that!” McNamara cuts her off.

Max snickers. “You’re a dork.”

Kai shrugs. “Can’t argue with that.”

Max smiles at her, before patting her head. Kai squeaks like a squeaky toy. He cackles and keeps it going, making Kai squeak more. Max laughs.

McNamara, meanwhile, speeches. “Welcome to the Black and White, son. It’s a tough place for people like us. It takes a strong will and lots of persistence to even manage surviving in an environment such as this. But, I’m sure with time, you’ll make do with your situation.”

He looks over at Max and stops, stunned and confused at the sight before him: Kai, atop Max’s shoulders, giggling, as he holds her in place, smiling up at her.

“We’re best friends now!” Kai squeals, hugging him.

Max laughs. “Damn right we are!”

He looks at the stunned McNamara with a smile. “I think I’ll be fine.”

#kai drew #oc #tkwdlm #tgwdlm #the guy who didn't like musicals #the kai who didn’t like musicals #hatchetfield #kai in hatchetfield #oc art #max jagerman #general mcnamara #lords in black #(i am NOT individually tagging them)#a girl a ghost and a general #sotbaw

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thesixthimmortal · 6 months

Note

HELLO PLS TELL ME WHO UR BLORBO IS ‼️‼️‼️‼️🫂🫂🫂🫂 (all are welcome) (also hi i’m loui HSHDHDHDH)

OHMYGOD HIII! damn I have MANY blorbo’s

The most obvious one is Angela Giarratana (the one who plays Grace Chasity)

I’m not good at explaining but you will see a lot of posts about her on my blog! She seems pretty serious and insane in the musical but believe me when I tell you that she is not that serious in real life! She is so goofy, She is like if the ‘:O’ was a person I’m not joking

And just if you want to know, You can see more of her in Smosh pit, Smosh games, Smosh. Artist on artist on artist on artist, and the musical Black Friday!

Does OC’s count? I have ALOT of them and the one I’m now focusing on is Dina Kettunen who is a hatchetfield Oc! If you want to know more then follow me and you will see hundreds of posts about them

#angela giarratana #I need to get used to what a blorbo is #blorbo #shitpost #Ocs #ask me anything

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carpenoctemnyx · 7 months

Text

Every single little moment in NPMD in order that just scratches my brain in the best way. I mean tbh the whole show does, but these moments are what the tism is grasping onto.

(WARNING: Its a LOT of moments, so theyre all under the cut since the post is so fuckin long)

"And I can survive it for only so long"(all of them)

The "im so fucking dead" from the ensemble during steph and pete's convo

"'CHEATER!!' 'OH GOD BUTT OUT CHASITY!!'"

"My melody! My melody! My melody"

"AWOOO! AWOOO! RAWR!"

"Grace just be cool! NEVER!"

"Im so fucking dead! YEAH!!"

"No! I wanna be invisible! Then why do you come to a public school dressed in suspenders and a fuckin bow tie?"

"Sycamore? I'd rather starve to death."

"Oh my god!! YOU'RE Micro-Peter! Oh, god."

"This outfit it the tapestry of my trauma!"

"Anyone every do this? *snap* Every damn day. My titties are tenderized!"

"It's polish."

"Spankoffski! Who are you running from? Ehh."

"He's straight ahead!"

"You wont defeat his kind. Never look in the eye. He's a literal monster!"

"Everyone knows how he BANGS!"

"He roars, and we cry, hes the reason with no why. He's a literal monster! A damn literal monster!"

"It's 3rd period, Shit-lips. I gotta get to remedial algebra."

"I never intended to walk through your hallway. Ohhh well theres a difference between intent and impact."

"FUCKNUGGET!!"

"Haha YEAH! NO dumbass!"

"Ohhh sorry! Fresh out of your favorite food! I guess im just gonna have to flick it!"

"Ohhhh a two bagger? Hahahaha! Whats a two bagger?"

"Oh!! That's so sick bro! Thats so fuckin funny! PYAHHH *punch sound*"

"Get him up!! Get this fucker up!!"

"Now deposit this trash in the nearest receptacle."

"Haha haha hahaha! Spunk! You're funny."

"*appalled* carry my books!?"

"Chasity, come on! You're breakin my balls."

"You dont know me very well, do you??"

"Watch some p0rn! You'll see! Tell me im wrong dirty girl. Dont call me that!"

"My little dirty girl *that one audience member OHHH*"

"And his name is Jesus Christ!"

"Forbidden fruit, dick hole!"

"You can leave, but you wont, stay in your seat!"

max's lil dance when hes singing "better leave your hopes behind no ones gonna stop me" that leads into that lil airplane arms move

also including the dance move with kyle "you wont defeat his kind, never look in the eye"

"You can watch as i rise! I will claim what is mine!"

"Learn to multi-task!"

"Well, well. If its not my october surprise."

"Stephanie, please, I'd like to have an intelligent conversation with you. In other words, shut up."

"Hooow ominous"

"Hey that looks like my... phone. It is."

"Please daddy?"

"NOO!! *dives forward and shoves hand in the way* Did you just put your hand BETWEEN the hammer and the phone??? ...yeah..."

How... am i supposed to study withOUT LISTENING TO SPOTIFY!?!? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING?? YOU'RE KILLING ME WITH WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!! If only, Stephanie. If only."

"This project's on thermo-dynamics. What the fuck are you talking about?"

"God! I just want someone to touch me! Anyone, PLEASE! Jesus! Calm down Ruth."

"Somebody walks to the office with Stephanie LauTer and suddenly he's Stefan Urquelle."

The way Richie Says peTe and uuusing you

"What was it like when she touched your arm? DID YOU CUM??? Ruth! Quit it!"

The way Richie says peTeR

"I'll never hold the real Rei and Asuka in my arms"

The way Pete says "Sorry!" To Ruth when his phone is ringing

The way Richie says TelemArkeTer

"NANI!?!?" *Ruth and Richie creeping towards Pete*

"What is she saying? What the FUCK is she saying!?"

"Oh my god!! Oh my god!! What's the matter with you guys!?"

"WEEOO WEEOO!!"

"I'm actually the smart one in the group, if you can believe that."

"Really Ruth? A star wars analogy? Need i go into why Attack On Titan is superior in EVERY possible way!?"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!! Excuse me? Uh, not you. Just these two FUCKING nerds that wont leave me alone."

"They dont call it a cram session for nothing! Watch some p0rn! You'll see!"

"You're telling me I gotta be funny, AGAIN? I didnt do it on purpose the FIRST time!"

The way Richie says opportunity. It sounds like opportudidy

"Thats your perspective"

"Oh whoa whoa oh"

Then again im deranged"

"What if people see me as someone other than who I am"

"If i can finally be cool i will know that im not a loser!"

"I'm the ruler!"

"OHHHH! *crowd cheers* SHUT UP!"

"EUGH!! So you're a POOR piece of shit then?"

"Well im sick of your sh-sh-shit"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP JASON!!"

"I dont give a fuck what she said! I did not consent to this rendez-voos!"

"I decide if Kyle can date Brenda. *turns to Jason* The answer's still no... by the way!"

"I willed it into existence"

"Im your God. Now on your knees, bitch. It's time to say your fuckin prayers! *cuts to the Chasitys* Amen!"

"Mmm, that house. What's wrong with it? Its haunted. Everyone says so."

"DAD GROSS!!"

"Mom will you pass the butt stuff? The butter. Butter. Will you pass the butter? Eheh I just want some head and butter. BREAD! BREAD! Bread and butt sex to go with this big shaft of meat im gonna choke down. Ohhhh boy. Oh criminy!"

"And theyre flyin reaaal low today"

"Some big, dumb, sexy, sweaty, hooot, football star"

The way Grace says "Hello??" When fantasy Max is calling her name

"Im hungry, and here you are brewing up a big ol' pot of dirty girl soup *siffs aggressively* ahhhh! My favorite!"

"You call my bath water dirty girl soup? This is wrong! This is sooo wrong"

"I know!" *max rips off his jacket and the crowd screams*

"I love... to FUCK!"

The entirety of Dirty Girl Soup song but extra extra emphasis on certain parts

"Hey boo, daddy needs a little of that dirty soup"

"You're lookin all filthy like, you know its wrong i know its right"

"I'll never ever tell ya to behave i am expecting you to be-betray me"

"Ima love you all night long" including Max's lil hip thing

"Oh! Dirty dirty girl wont you sing for me wont you love me like you dont care. (all of these esp the ones with Grace)

"Hey brute"

"Its clear you never stepped in a classroom" including Grace's lil dance move here

The way Grace says School

"For shame. I am expecting you to be-behave" including Grace's lil dance move here too

"On your knees pray along, if you wanna last until dawn"

And then the dirty dirty girl section including the dance

"RAH-AHH" *hand wave thing* and the second one of this too

"Got me hungry for more. Hungry for more."

"Im a im a im a good girl x4 WHO ON OCCASSION GETS DIRTY!!"

Again cue the dirty dirty girl bit + dance

Grace's lil shaky moan thing after "poisons the air"

"Damn these wandering hands! Damn these sinful loins!"

"This is a no-moan household!"

".....I'll get the plunger...."

"Girl! That must be so embarrassing for you."

"Standing up the mayor's daughter like he's got no fucks to give? Not gonna lie. Thats really sexy."

"Oh my god! The fucking bowtie kid??"

"Hey uh... dweeb! *both Richie and Ruth respond* yeah?"

"Oh shes touching meee! Luckyyyy!"

"Its better than i even imagined" *cute lil twirl*

"And what, pray tell, may that be, Stephanie?"

"God, you suck, Grace."

"Isn't this like breaking and entering? Im not breaking anything. My dad's the realtor!" *jingles keys*

"Hacked em to bloody bits!"

"PottyPants? How about PissyPants? Im not comfortable with the plan if it involves that kind of language."

"Im not comfortable with this place. Its not structurally sound."

"Don't bully me!"

The whole Bully the Bully song but extra extra emphasis on specific parts

Grace's lil snap and spin moment

"Petey gonna jump on out" *Pete's lil move here*

Ruth saying "we're gonna cut off his nips!" And then Richie's lil shimmy move

"Ahhhhahhhh"

"Richie the whole point is that its in the dark! Well then im gonna have to shoot the whole thing in a wide, and its gonna look like shit!"

"No! We're gonna be cool beans. We're gonna keep the beans cool. We're gonna gonna keep the beans, beans the cool, keep the beans, the cool, keep the beans, bean school. Beans school? Excellent!"

"I still wanna talk.... Hello...? Hello....? Hello? Who was that? My boyfriend! Sounded like a telemarketer. Okay, my EX boyfriend."

"You're the best friend ive ever had. Oh thats sad. I think im in love with you. Okay..." *walks away*

"Am i reading as ghost, or Lin Manuel Miranda?"

"You kinda look like that homeless guy from downtown. Ohhh. But that could still work, he gets pretty scary sometimes."

Ruth's lil butt wiggle

"I mean you could just hit it and quit it, bro! Yeah... I dont want to though... You're fuckin useless pete!"

When Max walks up and burps and says "i gott piss" and this does a cute lil bouncy move

"Oh shiiiit. Wheres that creepy music comin from?"

"do it alfuckinready"

"Who's there? Maaaaax Jagermannn. WHAT!?"

"Oh shit! Oh fuck! Its a fuckin ghost!"

"Its time to stop running!" *chugs bear and smashes the can on his head and yeets it, then puts up his fists* "float over here ghost,* starts punching the air* im gonna kick your fucking ass!"

"Uhhh you cant fight me im an etheral being soooo... we'll see about that. Ima make you say boo-hoo, bitch! *charges at pete and pete runs away screaming* YESSSS I MAKE THE DEAD RUN IN FEAR!!! I AM JAGERMAAAAAN!!! I AM GOOOOD!!!! GOOO NIGHTHAWKS!!!"

*skele-ruth runs ins and does her lil scream thingy* "oh shit! Oh fuck! I didnt think there'd be a skele'en here! Im so fucking scared of skele'ens! Maybe i should just run! Where, Max?? Back home so Dad can call you a little cuck?? Can't even fight off one lousy skele'en?? No! I got not choice! Hey, Skele'en! I got a bone to pick with you, bitch!"

"It's working for me! He's sooo violent!"

Ruth's lil yelp after steph tells max to stop

"Steph we cant have a party here! This place is hella haunted!"

"It's all a prank. A trick to scare the shit out of you cuz you deserve it. What??? You're telling me you nerds put this whole thing together just for me? Wow. I though you guys hated me. But thanks. This was really great. You're not pissed? Oh! Are you kidding?? Nonono this is like THE nicest thing anyone's ever done for me."

"Ohhhh! And the skele'en. Oh. That was really special" *Max bows to Ruth*

"Look what you fuckin nerds made me do! I pissed my fucking pants! ....mission accomplished???" *Pete signaling to cut it out and Ruth and Grace behind him like wtf Richie*

"This wasnt murder! And it wasnt an accident! It was an act of God!"

"Oh yeah! Like thats gonna hold up in court! He was smote!"

Grace's snap and spin again and Richie groaning "oh nooo shes snapping again!!"

"We're gonna hack all his limbs off! Did you say hack all his limbs off?? Yeah! We're gonna hack all his limbs off!"

"You want me to films this!?!?!?!"

"Aaahhhahhhh"

"Thank god Max is gone. Wasnt he your friends?? YEAAAAHHHH but he forbade me from dating, AND he wrecked my dad's Ski-Doo. FUCK that guy."

"Good news! You passed the test?? With flying colors! Oh-ho! Aaaaaa C+"

"Ya know, this is really your C+. Oh... Steph... you can keep it. It'd really bring down my GPA."

"No, Jagerman doesnt let nerds go to footba-... huh... you know maybe i will."

"Go, go Nighthawks! We'll take the fight unto the victors go the spoils! Go, go Nighthawks! We're taking flight we are the leaders and the royals! AHH-AHH!" Including the lil bird wing flappy thing

"N! I-G! H-T! AHH-AHH! KS!"

And the dudes in the background goin "Night! Hawks! Night! Hawks! Fly!"

"Fuuuck you Clivesdale go get fucked! You're fuckin losers, and we'll kill you! Kill your ass!"

They're my bros for life!"

Richie struggling to take off the mascot costume

"Ohhh. I remember what /I/ said. Do you? You FUCKIN NERD?"

"That aint good news for you, ya bitch"

"You shouldve joined the smoke club, you nerdy prude! NERDY PRUDES MUST DIE! *cue Jon bein fuckin goated at imitating a levitation* Nerdy prudes must diiiie!"

"I want you to repeat after me. Okay... Who will pray for me? Who will pray for me? When im gone? When im gone? Until another Richie, comes along. Can you repeat that one? WHO WILL PRAY FOR MEEE WHEN IM GONNNE OR IS THIIIIS THE ETERNAL DARK WITHOUT A DAWN! Who will pray for you? Who will pray for me? When your body's gone? When my body's gone? This is the consequence for what you've done! I'M NOT A LOSER! WHAT DID YOU SAY!?! ᵈᵒⁿᵗ ᵏᶦˡˡ ᵐᵉ. Im not a nerdy prude. Im not a loser! Of course nooot, Richiiie."

“He wasn’t sexy at all… MAMA IM CURED!!!”

“Shoot n shinola!”

“Mornin Daaaaadddy!”

“You don’t say? You don’t say! Welllll I’ll be down there in a jiffy! What did they find dad? They didn’t say!”

“Gosh! I hope it’s not termites! Haha”

“Ohhhh heck. I’m so heckin fudged!”

When the gang is getting called to the principals office and Pete just says “oh no” in like a monotone-y way

“Dont look at me! Get your hands out of your pockets! ….sorry sir….”

The reluctant “go nighthawks”

“Shut the fuck up Ruth!”

“We lost to CLIVESDALE!! FUCKIN *kicks chair* CLIVESDALE!!!”

“Yeahhh… thanks for NOTHIN!!!”

“Yes Ruth! We are fucked!”

“People tell me to die everyday!”

“Someone spilled the beans! All our cool beans!”

Again Ruth’s “Don’t bully me!!”

Pete’s lil “no” when Grace accuses him

“I’m gonna get those pigs off our backs!”

“Shock! Despair! Tragedy!"

“I’ve never known darker times, and I covered the protest live at the Hatchetfield Kennel! I am Dan Reynolds! With action news, week days at 10pm.”

And down down down down, who’s swinging the hatchet now in hatchet town! Someone’s got their hands on the hatchet handle. Swingin on the youth it’s a hatchet scandal. Careful or your folks will end up a cannibals plate. It ain’t great! You’re better on the run than you are hiding, suddenly this quiet town’s exciting.”

“I heard that their brains were soup, their intestines cut in two. So it’s gotta be Donna! What??? Yeah it’s gotta be Donna! DAAAAN!?!?!”

“I certainly don’t LOVE killing”

“Barry’s on the loose and he’s got a gun, and he’s got a motive to kill. IM IN A HURRY!!!”

“Get your hands off me!!!”

“Careful or your kids will end up on Charlie’s plate. Excuse me?? He just ate! How dare you!”

“Singing all these songs gives him greater windows to kill, but we’re singing still!!”

And now THIS PART. The ENTIRETY OF BRYCE CHARLES’ SOLO. It’s fucking transcendent!!!

“Until GERALD! went on his murder spreeeee! I KNEW IT WAS GERALD!! Linda, call my lawyer. Let’s kill him!!”

“Can I shit or will I drown??”

“Ohhhh barbecue monologues, eh? I saw that in New York. Really? How was it? Fuckin ✨transcendent✨”

Joey's whole monologue thing here but extra emphasis on “Every Kah-bob”

“I wanna remember who I am….”

Trevor’s “My barbecue!”

*ruth throws hands up* “I guess!”

“Betcha I could do it! Betcha I could!”

“in my dream, it’s MY barbecue!” *ruth’s little arm wave thing*

“How can something be medium AND well?”

“All of the trappings of the well to-do!”

“And life is fine, if only it were mine.”

“Judge me!”

“And the world’s a stage, when you’re middle of age.”

“It’s well done on the outside, not within! OOOH!”

“Oh ohhh just for once! Just for once! Just for oooooonce!”

Ruth’s cute lil tap dance move

“I used to dance. I used to dance”

“Oh nooo my anxiety *gags* I’m gonna hurl!”

“I believe your next line is AAAAHHHH”

“Project Ruth! They can’t hear you in the back row! Ow, my butt! You’re splitting me in two!”

Max slowly putting the “underwear” over Ruth’s head and then petting her

“Take a bow, bitch!”

The theater director’s dramatic screaming

“No nonono! You can’t do this to me okay?? This isn’t my fault! This isn’t my plan! Woah woah woah who’s place was it Grace? IT WAS GODS PLAN!! And now he’s leaving me out to dry! DO SOMETHING YOU SON OF A BITCH!!”

“Don’t! FOLLOW ME!”

“And he gives me his numberrrr! Very smooth!”

“EXCUSE ME! *audience screaming* I have been waiting for what feels like five fucking years and I STILL have not received my goddamn hot chocolate! Sorryy sir *deadpans fake spitting* here you go. …thank you….”

“MY dad sells women’s shoes!”

“Don’t spin this back on meee”

“Because you’re crazy about me. …..WHAT!?”

“On the first date, Steph? Have some respect for yourself!”

“If I loved you, you would know it. If I loved you, I would show it. If I love you like you should be loved. If I loved you like I’m capable of. If you were the one I’m thinking of, woah ohhh, oh babe I’d let you know”

“Wake me up when you turn eighteeeeen”

“LEAVE ROOM FOR JESUS!” *shove*

“Did they buy it? Ha!”

“Gimme a cup of hot water, and make it strong!”

“Does your phone plan cover calls to hell?”

“She’s bisexual and dead! Where else would she be??”

*whips out gun* “JUST COOL YOUR BEANS, STEPH! Just cool em right the heck down!”

“Shut the front door, spankoffski!”

“SIR! DOOOO NOT APPROACH ME! GET YOU HANDS OUTTA YOUR POCKETS! PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN! HE’S GOING FOR A GUN!! *runs at paul*”

Pete’s “HOLY SHIT!!” When officer bailey rushes at Paul

“STOP RESISTING! STOP RESISTING!” *cue Emma screaming*

“You ruined our lives Grace!! I knowwww *sobbing* I just haven’t been thinking clearly lately. All I wanted was to be a regular girl, with no sexual desire, until she was safely married. I never asked for this tickle in my mommy spot. I’ve done so many terrible things, like touching myself and lying to the police. …..and dismembering a body….. well… we all did that, so…. But I called god a son of a b-word. Who am I!?!? *more sobbing* ohh.. it’s alright Grace. Don’t comfort her. She’s fuckin weird.”

“Stephanie, please. I’ve been bugging your phone since you were 12.”

“I don’t give a shit who you kill, but you just HAD to go and do it in that house, didn’t you?”

“A book??”

“You mean… satan? Oh no… they’re much worse.”

“K-yuck, k-yuck, k-fuck!”

*head gets thrown on stage* *collective screams* “Damn you miss tessburger! You were worthless!”

“Nerdy Prudes must die. That’s not me! I’m an elected official!”

“I can buy you beer!”

“I hate politics! It’s for NERDS!”

“Pete get behind me! I’ve got a gun! Steph, it’s a ghost… I don’t think that’s gonna do any good…. On the ground, bitch! I’m a cop!”

“Heck! Heck no!”

“Are you a woman of faith? Catholic. I’ll take that as a no.”

“He’s right there! WHAT THE FUCK!?”

“Pete, is she okay? Can you feel a pulse? I have no idea what I’m doing.”

The entirety of the summoning scene. It’s my favoritest part of the whole show.

Extra extra emphasis on “we don’t give a shit about your phone!”

Max’s slow mo run beat boxing to stop the bullet

“So you do know the Bible”

Grace taking her hair down and shaking it out

“Grace what are you doing?? SHUT YOUR FUCKING FART HOLE SPANKOFFSKI!! I wanna hear this! As you were saying Grace….”

“Brewin a pot of dirty girl soup, just for you! What?? Uhh, It’s what you call my bath water in my sexual fantasies. *GASP* that’s nastyyy….. I like it.”

“What… the fuck… is happening right now!?!?”

“GRRRR! I’ll be right back!”

The background dialogue of Grace and Max and then Peter saying “holy cow they’re doin it! Grace is having sex with a fucking ghost!”

Grace sauntering out and smoking a cigarette and saying “wooow I needed that” and then max being baby girl and swinging his legs in the air and saying “where you goin? Don’t you wanna cuddle a little bit?”

“I paid the price, now fuck off” *Grace twirl*

“Nonooooooowwwhatever! It was fuckin worth it!”

“What the fuck you just say to me!?!?”

“Mom said it would help me make friends. Boy was she wrong.”

“Liek eye dew”

“That was… absolutely disgusting!!”

Graces evil laugh “the souls of the pervs make me strong” more evil laughter

“DIRTY DUDES MUST DIE! DIRTY DUDES MUST DIIIIEEE!!”

“RUN YOU LITTLE BITCH”

“Darkness will spare my soul”

“Run dudes. RUN”

#some of these have become new echolalia/echologia phrases in my arsenal of random shit i say/think all the damn time #yes I did sit here and watch the whole show adding stuff as I went #starkid #npmd #nerdy prudes must die #hatchetfield #hatchetverse

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