#can i not have a break

[balkanradfem]

Neck pain update!

Okay so last time I wrote about this, was when I got the MRI results for my neck, which was blank, zero issues found. However the pain in my neck was still so bad I can't walk without pain, can't jump or run at all, and can't carry anything over 2kg. I was too scared to try and fix it on my own, because messing with an injured neck without training is dangerous, and can do damage, so I didn't want to risk making it worse. However, if the scans say the neck is fine, then I can't really ruin it, right, so I've started looking for exercises that don't hurt.

As I was looking for neck-related exercises on youtube (they all hurt too much), youtube was starting to recommend me back exercises as well, some of them specifically for Rhomboid pain. Now, I didn't know what this rhomboid was, but it so happened that I had pain in that exact spot, between shoulder blades, but that pain came and went, so I thought it must be psychosomatic (when you have chronic pain you assume most of what hurts is psychosomatic).

Anyway, I decided to do those exercises because it's much less scary to work on back pain, and they didn't hurt as much. Then I found, in the same source, some neck exercises that seemed a bit dangerous; they instructed me to lay down with my neck hanging over the bed, then hold my own head with my arms, and move it, like I'm fixing it in place. I was shocked to find out that this didn't hurt me, so I did that exercise twice. And then the shocking thing happened.

That exercise immediately changed how the pain felt while I was walking. Before, I used to feel every step as a punch to the back of my neck; now it was to the back of my head. This made me dizzy, nauseous and want to vomit, the first time it happened, and I was very scared that I made it worse. Pressure and pain where my brain is, felt even more serious than neck pain, and I didn't repeat that exercise ever again, in hope the pressure and pain in my head would go away. It didn't, however, go away, but I learned to deal with it, and it became somewhat bearable. I am due in few months for a brain MRI so if there's something actually wrong with my brain, I will find out then. I am suspicious though that maybe there's some muscle in my back that is extending up to the head causing issues. But I don't know if there is such a thing.

I kept doing the exercise for the back pain, but the back pain did not go away from it, the exercise just keeps getting more painful as I keep doing it, unsure whether I should just stop.

After that I fell depressed for a while, and just played stardew valley laying down using my touchpad, and this is where the pain got worse in my left arm. Before that, my arm hurt a little, if I was bending it backwards or extending it too far or carrying anything, but now, it hurt a lot, at all times, whenever I was trying to do anything at all. I thought I made it worse with my irresponsible video gaming, my wrist was now hurting badly too, and I couldn't bend my arm to use the laptop anymore. I tried with my right hand and then my right hand started hurting too.

I was trying various wrist exercises thinking it was the video game problem, that made no difference whatsoever, so today I finally looked up all possible causes of pain in the arm, and found something that was close to the pain I felt - coracobrachialis muscle pain. I've never heard of that muscle, but it's under the arm and connects the back and arm, and can get damaged from overuse. I found instructions on how to locate it, and upon pressing on it, I felt such intense pain I was crying and curled into a ball for a while, it's clear to me that this muscle is in bad condition.

Now, all the pain relief instructions for this were to give this muscle a massage, but I absolutely cannot do that, I can't touch that muscle, I can't press on it, the pain of just the smallest pressure is insane, while I'm happy to have found the source of my arm pain, I am absolutely lost as to what to do with this. Does anyone have any knowledge or experience with this specific muscle? I can't force myself to massage it until I find a way to somehow relax it, or relax the area around it, so that it would be this painful to touch.

Also, the neck itself has shown some tiny improvements. It feels like it got a little stronger, because now I can lift my head while lying down, which I couldn't do before. I can sometimes sit for a bit more than I could do before, I was limited to 20min of sitting before I had to lie down, now I can sit for an hour (with discomfort, but not pain). It still hurts while I walk but now it's more like pressure than being hit with pain, my head instead takes the hit. If I try to run, I get intense pain and pressure in my head, and it extends to my neck as well.

I think I did something okay along the way, maybe few mistakes. There's probably more than one problem with my muscles, I suspect, and I hope I will find ways to resolve them one by one. I even thought for a second that I maybe lack collagen because I'm vegan but then when I looked it up, it's something body produces by itself and doesn't need a supplement. So it's just a big mystery at this point. I still blame that tree-falling accident because this wasn't going on beforehand.

#neck pain #back pain #the pain is spreading #body is cursed #rhomboid pain #coracobrachialis #muscle pain #something is wrong with my body #and i don't think its psychosomatic #but also wtf #can i not have a break

[powdermelonkeg]

Fun fact: We know the size of the Pokémon world because Scarlet and Violet has framerate issues

I'm not answering any more questions

#i watched boundary break and have Feelings and Questions #pokemon sv #*sigh* very close to deleting this. sick of the outdated ver popping up in my notes #wait. i can turn off reblogs can't i

[kylejsugarman]

only thing i know for certain is that if "breaking bad" took place during modern times, jesse would've used his cash to buy a drone and there would've been a sick ass sequence filmed from drone perspective and one episode cold open would've been all scary and sinister and it would end with an ominous shot of the drone laying all crushed and fucked up on the floor to imply harm done to jesse. and it would be really sad

#syd squeaks #he'd still have a roomba i think bc thats just a good investment. its good technology. it vacuums for u #but i can so easily picture sad drone all fucked up #breaking bad #jesse pinkman

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[nerdpoe]

Danny needs a few...odd things. A few dietary and emotional requirements unique to his physiology. Meat is one of them.

But like, raw meat. He doesn't have to eat it often, maybe twice a month, but it does need to be completely raw.

He also needs to eat non-sentient blob ghosts, which are very different from sentient ones. Same amount, maybe twice a month.

He's weak to hot temperatures, where most humans require some sort of positive contact he needs to fight, if he gets too much sunlight his dopamine levels drop, and oddly enough as he got older milk or products with a lot of milk started to affect him like alcohol affects humans.

Now that he's made it to college, hiding most of these things is easy enough.

He chose Gotham, because of minimal sunny days and naturally cold weather. He regularly goes for walks at night, to fill his need for fighting. He says he has a milk allergy, and avoids milk products.

The blobs and the raw meat are a little uh. Those are a little hard.

He's taken to ducking into a bathroom stall to just swallow the blobs whole. But the meat...

He decides to sear the outside and leave the inside entirely raw. Does this detract from the nutrients by cooking them off? Yes. Does it mean he needs to eat raw meat four times a month instead of twice? Yes. Does it mostly hide that he's doing this in front of humans? Kind of.

Until he got a vegan roommate.

Said roommate is far too sharp-eyed for his own good, and now the guy is being weird.

Or: Damian's roommate is a meta who clearly has dietary restrictions outside the norm. It's fine; Damian understands that like animals in the wild, people have different diets. But the cuts of meat Fenton is eating are...subpar. Damian isn't sure how to be...civil, or appear polite, or not be a "snob" if he suggests Fenton allow him to procure farm fresh cuts of steak from cows raised in an open pasture and were well taken care of.

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dp x dc #dc x dp #phanfic #story prompt #affect vs effect #i still have problems telling the difference #damians breaking point is when danny uses a toaster to lightly toast the outside of the meat and can't understand what's wrong #goes and calls jon and just #“have your parents recently hosted a slaughter? have any of their neighbors? jon please” #cuz the meat is like offbrand gotham walmart meat #kinda grayish and def not healthy for fenton #he has taken care of many animals and he can force fenton to eat healthy #in the realms frostbite feels a surge of satisfaction #he has no idea where it came from

[gingersnapped]

"Sam is probably my only friend in this town..." emergency sleepover time in the mountains after local small town emo and skater boy played too much solarion chronicles and lost track of time

#stardew valley #stardew #sdv #stardew sebastian #stardew sam #sdv sebastian #sdv sam #stardew valley sam #stardew valley sebastian #sambastian #this tagging system is atrocious #give them last names man #bought this game during thanksgiving break and have not known peace since #the chokehold this pair has got on me rn #they're in a band and only hang out with each other and abigail #can i make it any more obvious #my art id #also i got lazy lazy with this lighting #i should be studying for an exam i have tomorrow lol

[ronanxing]

don't go

#shuake #persona #persona 5 #persona 5 royal #p5r #had to go back to the headspace i was in during 2/2 #its so bad guys #akira kurusu #ren amamiya #akechi goro #happy 2/2 #enkidoodles #they can have their melodramatics... as a treat #akeshu #tried a new brush yey #goro akechi #the simulation is breaking down bc they dont hug in canon ahahahhahahahhhhhhhhh

[anotherpapercut]

just had an absolutely sickening conversation with a 20 year old I work with wherein I had to impress upon her that her and her friends need to be extremely cautious going to the gay clubs right now with increasing attacks happening. make sure any very young, very newly adult queer people in your life know that we're a family and community and part of that is being willing to fight for your siblings lives if they're under attack. even if it's a person you despise, you stick up for your family and they will stick up for you. we are all we have. the cops refuse to help, and so do most people outside the community. we cannot survive without each other

#go in groups! leave before closing! bring something that can be thrown at someone! park close! #heart breaking #i dont wanna talk to the 18 year olds coming for the first time excited to have fun about how they have to be on guard at all times #i want kids who are just blossoming into the adults theyre going to be to have a safe place to feel loved and nurtured #im only 23 for christs sake #why am I having to talk to a 20 year old like im their 60 year old grandparent #i just want to feel safe with my community in what is essentially the family home

[someguyiguess]

you've been hit by

edit: im sick of this post read my rant if you care that much

[arunneronthird]

actually i think they should do stupid things together sometimes, i also fully embraced the fact that none of them have any fashion sense

#taking a break from drawing angst so i can get energy to draw more angst #robin #nightwing #red robin #red hood #damian wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #batman #dc comics #my art #this is obv a yotsuba ref but there were only 3 people in the original and i shit u not #i spent 10 minutes looking at it trying to figure out which guy to take out #turns out didnt work i love them all too much #this is the style i use when i just cannot deal with figuring faces out btw #ladies. gentlemen. you have eaten well.

[idiosyncraticrednebula]

The more "empowered" Disney tries to write their heroines as, the less interesting and charismatic they become, ironically.

#disney #disney heroines #txt #@ disney: can y'all pls go back to writing women like people again? #ironically though disney heroines have gradually become a punching back for their asses #specifically the princess characters. they have been more disrespected and disregarded than any other set of characters #i mean they will put all that ✊🏼 bullshit with them and have a phrase like “be strong and brave” #but then be completely missing the point of their original stories and characters #i mean the ralph breaks the internet scene highlights how low they think of them in the modern era #modern disney is waging a war on disney princesses. they are trying to distort what made them so special and shift focuses

[nocek]

Is it a stupid idea? Yes. Did I have to go overboard and animate it? No.

But I had to and I'm not sorry ;P

#peter b parker #spiderman #mayday parker #miguel o'hara #spiderman 2099 #miles morales #spiderverse #across the spiderverse #atsv #tbh i notice that i have this group of fave characters that really fall under category of #i need to wrap them in nice fuzzy blanket and give them a hot cocoa #and miguel kinda pings my blanket and cocoa senses #but more like in an impending doom sense? #like he is going to get his ass kicked so much in the next movie #beyond is so going to be like you like this broken man? #hold my beer we can break him some more #i can just feel it in my bones #because for right now he pings my need to spray him with a water like a naughty cat he is an then hold him in air jail till he calms down #which objectively is a bad idea #unless you are this sunshine idiot spiderman that i love #and here is long story long why this comic happened :B

[soepwashere]

I was rereading the rise comics recently and I feel the need to point out that Mikey is carrying Raph and Leo on his shoulders so casually in these panels

#rottmnt #save rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt 2018 #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt leo #rottmnt raph #rottmnt stuff #he does ask if raph can be on the bottom next time in the first panel #but aside from that he doesn’t seem to break much of a sweat lol #add this to the catalog of mikey being very strong #he is carrying his two older brothers just like that and we need to talk about it #i wonder if he’s ever tried to carry all of them skjsjfkskfd #kind of want to draw something with this now… #but i already have so many ideas that i haven’t even started help

[radioactive-mouse]

bloodweave is perfect because astarion can become a better person through being shown genuine compassion and understanding for the first time and gale can be convinced to do some truly crazy shit if you dangle something shiny in front of him the whole time

#he would love to convince you otherwise but don’t believe him #tav: we need to break into this establishment #gale: i mean…. surely these people can be reasoned with theres no reason we should have to— #tav: you’re right. the netherese tome inside can wait #gale: NEVERMIND. WE SHOULD GO NOW ACTUALLY. #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #astarion #astarion ancunin #bloodweave #mouse.txt

[choccy-milky]

seb meeting clora's parents (clive & margaret) for the first time🤭

they come to hogwarts due to clora being kidnapped by ranrok, so seb had to deal with them all on his own LMAO. sorry seb i just love to watch u squirm🙏😇 (from chap 28 of my fic!)

#I love the dynamic between seb & clive and need ppl who dont read my fic/who have asked about cloras parents to know about it LMAO #shoutout to kerimcberry's spring break series where her seb meets her MC's parents cuz that also inspired me to finally do it!!🙌 #hogwarts legacy #sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow x mc #sebastian sallow x oc #hogwarts legacy fanart #sebastian sallow fanart #sebastian sallow fanfiction #hphl #hogwarts legacy sebastian #hogwarts legacy fanfic #choccyart #why clive clemons kinda.........👀👀👀👀 clora can i talk to your dad for a sec

[chitinleg]

got him off-balance!

#my art #ds9 #star trek deep space nine #julian bashir #elim garak #garashir #watercolor #image desc in alt text #i normally post on mondays but. today im breaking my pattern! getting a little silly. getting a little wild. garashir jumpscare #“tumblr user chitinleg garak would neot easily let himself be swooped off his feet into a hug like that” yes i know BUT! #look at his expression. look at how his arms r pinned. he didnt let this happen LMAO julian just surprised him. grabby huggy human behavior #if you look really closely you can see the tiniest frown in the world on Garak's face. because he's like “EEP !” #cant see bashirs face at all in this only his body but i think we can all imagine that whatevers going thru his head. he needs this hug bad #ALSO. for anyone wondering what the fucked up shadow is that starts at the juncture of the teal sleeve-cap where its set into the armhole #the jumpsuits have a bit of a fold of extra fabric (called an Action Pleat) there which allows for a little more maneuverability of the bod #AND creates a really sleek and flat back panel #because you can see the fabric twists along the side arent grabbing the flat back fabric theyre grabbing the fabric folded beneath it #often times i think about drawing out a dissection of kiras first uniform and this voy era one for other artists to use. bc god knows #i struggled at first to find full body references #they like to shoot ds9 very close to peoples heads. and the camera is so blurry. they smeared butter on that thing. god bless