#something is wrong with my body

[balkanradfem]

Neck pain update!

Okay so last time I wrote about this, was when I got the MRI results for my neck, which was blank, zero issues found. However the pain in my neck was still so bad I can't walk without pain, can't jump or run at all, and can't carry anything over 2kg. I was too scared to try and fix it on my own, because messing with an injured neck without training is dangerous, and can do damage, so I didn't want to risk making it worse. However, if the scans say the neck is fine, then I can't really ruin it, right, so I've started looking for exercises that don't hurt.

As I was looking for neck-related exercises on youtube (they all hurt too much), youtube was starting to recommend me back exercises as well, some of them specifically for Rhomboid pain. Now, I didn't know what this rhomboid was, but it so happened that I had pain in that exact spot, between shoulder blades, but that pain came and went, so I thought it must be psychosomatic (when you have chronic pain you assume most of what hurts is psychosomatic).

Anyway, I decided to do those exercises because it's much less scary to work on back pain, and they didn't hurt as much. Then I found, in the same source, some neck exercises that seemed a bit dangerous; they instructed me to lay down with my neck hanging over the bed, then hold my own head with my arms, and move it, like I'm fixing it in place. I was shocked to find out that this didn't hurt me, so I did that exercise twice. And then the shocking thing happened.

That exercise immediately changed how the pain felt while I was walking. Before, I used to feel every step as a punch to the back of my neck; now it was to the back of my head. This made me dizzy, nauseous and want to vomit, the first time it happened, and I was very scared that I made it worse. Pressure and pain where my brain is, felt even more serious than neck pain, and I didn't repeat that exercise ever again, in hope the pressure and pain in my head would go away. It didn't, however, go away, but I learned to deal with it, and it became somewhat bearable. I am due in few months for a brain MRI so if there's something actually wrong with my brain, I will find out then. I am suspicious though that maybe there's some muscle in my back that is extending up to the head causing issues. But I don't know if there is such a thing.

I kept doing the exercise for the back pain, but the back pain did not go away from it, the exercise just keeps getting more painful as I keep doing it, unsure whether I should just stop.

After that I fell depressed for a while, and just played stardew valley laying down using my touchpad, and this is where the pain got worse in my left arm. Before that, my arm hurt a little, if I was bending it backwards or extending it too far or carrying anything, but now, it hurt a lot, at all times, whenever I was trying to do anything at all. I thought I made it worse with my irresponsible video gaming, my wrist was now hurting badly too, and I couldn't bend my arm to use the laptop anymore. I tried with my right hand and then my right hand started hurting too.

I was trying various wrist exercises thinking it was the video game problem, that made no difference whatsoever, so today I finally looked up all possible causes of pain in the arm, and found something that was close to the pain I felt - coracobrachialis muscle pain. I've never heard of that muscle, but it's under the arm and connects the back and arm, and can get damaged from overuse. I found instructions on how to locate it, and upon pressing on it, I felt such intense pain I was crying and curled into a ball for a while, it's clear to me that this muscle is in bad condition.

Now, all the pain relief instructions for this were to give this muscle a massage, but I absolutely cannot do that, I can't touch that muscle, I can't press on it, the pain of just the smallest pressure is insane, while I'm happy to have found the source of my arm pain, I am absolutely lost as to what to do with this. Does anyone have any knowledge or experience with this specific muscle? I can't force myself to massage it until I find a way to somehow relax it, or relax the area around it, so that it would be this painful to touch.

Also, the neck itself has shown some tiny improvements. It feels like it got a little stronger, because now I can lift my head while lying down, which I couldn't do before. I can sometimes sit for a bit more than I could do before, I was limited to 20min of sitting before I had to lie down, now I can sit for an hour (with discomfort, but not pain). It still hurts while I walk but now it's more like pressure than being hit with pain, my head instead takes the hit. If I try to run, I get intense pain and pressure in my head, and it extends to my neck as well.

I think I did something okay along the way, maybe few mistakes. There's probably more than one problem with my muscles, I suspect, and I hope I will find ways to resolve them one by one. I even thought for a second that I maybe lack collagen because I'm vegan but then when I looked it up, it's something body produces by itself and doesn't need a supplement. So it's just a big mystery at this point. I still blame that tree-falling accident because this wasn't going on beforehand.

#neck pain #back pain #the pain is spreading #body is cursed #rhomboid pain #coracobrachialis #muscle pain #something is wrong with my body #and i don't think its psychosomatic #but also wtf #can i not have a break

[inkskinned]

it takes a really long time to unlearn but there's no such thing as "cheating" or "half-assing" being a person. if you need to leave the cabinet doors open, leave them open. microwave your tea. sit down in the shower. buy the eggmaker. use your phone to calculate tip.

it's mostly fake posterity rules. who cares if you microwave your dinners. who cares if you use instant coffee. who cares if you stop watching the show that got boring. we all have a different set of skills and a different life and taking care of yourself is fucking hard.

at the end of your life there will be no final scoreboard. nobody is going to judge you because you brushed your teeth in the shower. there will be no final count of the number of times you had the same meal five nights in a row. there will be no fanfare or party because you won at being a person - and no one will be disappointed that you never understood the point of using paper towels to dry your hands off after washing them.

yeah, in this world, people will put up a fuss. i've noticed some of the biggest fusses are over what you'll put in/on your body. the fact that i will regularly eat deli meat straight out of the bag makes a lot of people genuinely concerned for me. but here's the thing: sometimes that's the only way i'm getting any protein. my doctor says i am doing fine. i'm sticking to my weird snacks and calling it deconstructed charcuterie.

they'll say they're horrified because you take a shortcut. that's fine. it's just that it looks like a shortcut to them because they're on a different life path. these kinds of things stand out to them as important. that's fine too. but for you? you've got other things that already make you pretty hard working. and these tiny things - well, they're just clutter on your journey.

#before any motherfucker is like <3 #''i know more about this and it IS WRONG to do this THING'' #shhhhh #unless ur a doctor and a patient has specifically asked... shut the FUCK up dude #one of the ways my life has changed in the last few years is like #taking coffee for granted #isn't something i can do #can you stand up for the entirety of making a meal? i can't always #and having some pompousass person be like #MICROWAVE THE WATER? FOR TEA? like . yeah actually i've been in prison for it ever since #''it tastes different!!!'' cool. it's not going into yOUR body. #i personally don't ever make hot chocolate with water. only ever oat/soy milk #but i wouldn't be like ... SIR. I WILL NOW JUDGE THEE #it's just like ableism all the way down innit #ableism and classism and #the expectation of the mental load as a form of being ''good'' #also. besides the like. pots and [redacted medical information] #im doing GREAT actually #>:) i have visible abs even when not flexing #it's bc god prefers me as a lesbian n has rewarded me lately for presenting more openly

[dagwmeno]

I love drawing bitches in silly little outfits that make no sense

#bittensketches #retroglitch #utmv #fresh sans #error sans #errorfresh #they're so 80s core aesthetic or something #fresh definitely is #idk what the fuck is wrong with error's outfit #i need to draw retroglitch more #my body physically craves it

[uncanny-tranny]

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #trans meme #described images #image description in alt #this goes for ANY reason a trans person is on the 'wrong' hormones for their gender... #...whether it is by chance or choice it need not be excluded. there are no 'right' hormones for your gender or experience... #...if you're a trans person who is fine with your body's natural hormone levels that's FINE... #...or if you're a trans person who chose to take the 'wrong' hormones (again there's no wrong hormone)... #...or if you're just fucking EXISTING... #...you belong here. even if there are commonalities between trans people amd what hormones they do or don't take that's just a commonality. #...that by NO MEANS indicates that you must adhere one way or the other if you so choose... #...two things can exist at once: 1) hormones are a necessity and 2) people are allowed to go on whatever hormone they want #my testosterone is a NECESSITY it isn't something i can choose to take. but that doesn't mean that i am threatened by trans people... #...who exist how they do

[theshinysnivy1]

#animator vs animation #ava the chosen one #the chosen one #ava tco #my art #ava victim #the quote appears around 5:22 #whatever you expect this video to be like you will be wrong #I'm gonna go into the thought that I put into this because I feel like it #I used The Box for “cursed” because putting Chosen in that situation given their past felt like a very cruel twist of fate #the popup blocker era for “wrong” as in did something incorrectly or disobedient #chosen did something wrong in the eyes of the animator and is fearful of the consequences #and then there's “uncomfortable shape” #with everything chosen has been through #I wonder how they feel about their own existence #do they wish they hadn't been made? do they hate what they were created to be? #uncomfortable with the body and the name that doomed them

[leavingautumn13]

people who don't know them sometimes jump to conclusions about diamond city's detective duo.

closeups under the cut

#fallout 4 #fallout #fo4 #sole survivor #nick valentine #autumn.art #autumn.fandom #autumn.oc #oc: nora navarre #GOD drawing nick in that first panel was so hard i was laughing the whole time #man's not intimidating in the slightest it's such ooc body language for him #nora IS happy to help she just has resting bitch face real bad #and might be dissociating #so do you guys want to know a fun fact? this is the first time i've used a reference for nick's outfit in a while #bc i felt like i was getting something about his coat collar wrong #and lo and behold: i was drawing his coat like my coat. which to be fair #is the exact same style EXCEPT for the collar. whoops!

[carfuckerlynch]

he lets me hit bc i’m a medical anomaly

#odhran.txt #every time my baby comes over he discovers something new that’s wrong with my body #ok to rb

[maulfucker]

So fucked up that obimaul is a rarepair. What do you mean not everyone is obsessed with enemies to lovers with a Force connection, where one side is completely obsessed with the other who barely acknowledges him (but is just as affected)

#hm i should make an original post tag #obimaul #like. say what you want but obi-wan saw a random dathomirian zabrak and immediately went 'maul?? alive??' #he DOES care about maul he just doesn't actively seek him out like maul does #post prompted by this song that makes me think about Maul in his crime lord era‚ all the luxury of the world within his reach‚ #but none of it satisfies him because what he really wants is to find (and kill) kenobi #'another night up in the best suite; everything's gone wrong already‚ my body admits; dreaming so high the floor is the limit; #once again i got lost.. [...] another night i give myself‚ top of a skyscraper; i'm the king of the world‚ dreams for rent; #and when i look at myself i sigh with a low voice‚ 'i don't feel bad i just feel nothing'' #(<- song is são paulo‚ 2015 by jão) #it's a song about feeling dissatisfied with the life of fame because there's an emptiness he can't fill with sex drugs or luxuries #and from the context of the album it's likely he's thinking about a past lover he's still not over #so. imagine with me. #i might make something out of this. maybe. #but like. posting about songs that make me think obimaul thoughts. not very productive. almost no audience. #... and while making this post i've been attacked by yet another song with a very obimaul words #'lie to me‚ run from me‚ we swear it doesn't count‚ in this way of ours‚ but it's not because i hate you that i can't kiss you anymore' #<- pilantra by jão and anitta

[mrpsychokiller]

by god i dont want to be a real person with a real life flesh body. i want to be a cartoon character. i want to have a cool well thought character design and be drawn with fun stylized colors and shapes and dynamic poses and wearing fun outfits i want to have a nonsense anime hairstyle and look a million cool different ways depending on who draws me. i want to be as beautiful as art is and as loved as art is and as free for infinite possibilities of looking like absolutely anything like art is. can someone draw me with cat ears

#guess all my body dysmorphia and dysphoria has come to this #feeling a deeply sad and envy feeling seeing characters be drawn in fanart and wishing i could look like a cool drawing person #not a real person #is this normal or is there something deeply wrong with me

[organized-chaotic-disaster]

Being fat is sexy, actually. And this includes people with body types that don't fit societal beauty standards (i.e., big bellies, double chins, fat arms)

Fat people are hot and we need to stop pretending they aren't xo

#this isn't meant to be fetishizing btw and if it is please lmk and I can delete this!! #imo fetishizing would be taking away one's humanity. That isn't the point of this post this post is just saying fat people can be & are hot #fatposi #fat positivity #bodyposi #body positivity #sometimes I need to reassure this for myself so I think others probably feel the same way so here you go ;v; #me when I'm going through my clothes and something's too tight: oh :( I'm so fat (negative) (bad and also wrong that it's seen as negative) #also me when seeing pics and/or art of fat women: oh. oh my. is uh. is it getting hot in here or is it just me? I'm uh. wow. I'm gay 😳

[dezimaton]

💧 marked by the abyss

#genshin impact #genshin fanart #dainsleif #body horror #showing off his better side #guess who finally finished chewing on traveler quests #im so weak for chars that have a lil something wrong with them #admittedly this made me so hungry i crawled across ao3 #but did not find the body horror i wanted #so here we are #i have to make my own food hfhfhdfhff #dezart

[okultraoldmanyaoi]

#my art #my ocs #apollo morris (OC) #john ward #father garcia #faith the unholy trinity #faith the unholy trinity oc #faith game #heyyy i drew her properly this time around!! #something deeply wrong with her #you guys have to guess what though :-P ! #gore tw #blood tw #body horror tw

[nyormilt]

(“i’m such a hard worker” *posts a sketch*)

anyway, Happy Halloween!!! have a treat!

#off game #off fanart #off (game) #the batter #off batter #off mortis ghost #my anatomy is degrading #physically and artistically… bodies are so much work… #i’ve aged a numerical year and am doing so great. #happy birthday me (it was yesterday) #(yk that feeling where you’re sure somethings wrong with the art but it would take a complete overhaul to fix and you’re just not up for it #yea that’s this) #good night anyway…

[goldfyshie927]

We need more rep for trans characters who don’t have top or bottom dysphoria so trans people can stop feeling like there’s something wrong with themselves or invalidating themselves when they don’t struggle with those feelings!!! Please let’s stop pretending that everyone must be dysphoric to be trans!!! Let everyone see themselves in art and fiction!

#I’m here for all the rep but spending so much time in spaces where people mainly experience dysphoria #and then gatekeeper those feelings as The True Trans Experience #makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me #it’s exhausting #also I know this is a very simplified take and lacks a lot of nuance #so sue me! #I’m not going to write a dissertation on this at 8 am #I’m talking about My Experience #every trans experience is real and valid and important #including the ones where they’re perfectly fine with their bodies as they are! #you can fuck right off if you disagree

[semeukedotcom]

uh oh! rivet seems to have lost his arm in a horrible accident! luckily his wife screw was nice enough to offer one of its arms! 😊 his body is violently rejecting it.

#my art #my ocs #cw body horror #i woke up in a cold sweat with an urge to draw #going back to bed #rivet is a necromancer only because there is something wrong with his wife #they love each other!

[tennessoui]

Obikin body swap idea: getting to see how the other half lives. Anakin just being super flustered by the idea that when he touches himself he's touching his master even for innocent things like running his fingers through his hair or getting to touch his beard.

Meanwhile Obi-Wan is trying to cope with how overstimulating Anakin's connection to the force is and even the best shields only dampen it slightly. Inner peace? He doesn't know her.

ooo i feel like when we talk about obikin body swap, this is always what we go with (overwhelmed by his master's body! anakin and overwhelmed by how anakin experiences the force! obi-wan), and it's good it's great i think these are great interpretations of the characters and i can see why it's such a popular take on obikin body swap

so what if that but also:

anakin overwhelmed by how little time obi-wan actually has to himself and how busy he is and him realizing that it's not that obi-wan purposefully doesn't spend as much time with him as he wants it's that obi-wan's body walks down a corridor and two younglings want him to give them a sparring demonstration, four Council meetings are scheduled, and one archives padawan is coming incessantly wanting to ask if he's ready for book club this week because she has thoughts on the last chapter

+

obi-wan unused to how strong he feels, how easy the Force suddenly is to manipulate; sure it's loud and i have a soft spot for that sort of headcanon about how anakin experiences the force, but i think we can't forget it wouldn't just just be overstimulating for anakin: it makes him powerful as fuck. obi-wan feels tired and the mechno arm hurts and it's straining his shoulder so he decides to use the force to call his datapaad over from its charging spot, but it zooms over so fast it shatters on impact with the wall

+

anakin overwhelmed by the new and unfamiliar aches and pains of obi-wan's body, the way he hurts when he wakes up, the way long space travel makes him feel sick and stiff

+

obi-wan realizing how persistent the chancellor is when it comes to comming and meeting anakin for lunch--oh lunch won't work what about tea oh tea won't work what about opera----

+

anakin trying spicy food for the first time in obi-wan's body and he's.... actually fine???? cue realizing that obi-wan was just pretending when he was younger to not like spicy food the bastard. (upon confrontation, obi-wan says, 'well it just seemed to mean so much to you on a personal level that i wouldn't be able to handle the heat of tatooinian food, i didn't want to disappoint you but you should really try stewjoni cuisine')

+

obi-wan realizing quite quickly that uh. anakin was not ever faking his very low alcohol tolerance

#asks #obikin #do not get me wrong i like a) the switched body trope #and b) the 'anakin is confronted with having everything he has always coveted and yet must resist' trope #paired with c) the 'anakin's connection with the force is deafening and loud and no one else could handle it' #trope well enough #especially when im in the particular mood for b or c (c is rarer for me but i have a soft spot for it) #but i feel like there are so many tropes to pull in for body swap #so many things that would overwhelm each other just about their daily lives #and before someone says something about obi-wan not being able to handle spice or scottish food isnt spicy #those are headcanons that i switch around whenever i want based on my mood i am a river i am a stream etc stewjon can be whatever i want #idk maybe ive just seen asks answered by other blogs with these specific tropes or im combining them in my head or smthng #cant really trust my brain most of the time