#caboose fam

[carrickbender]

Just an update:

As of Saturday, at 6.10pm, I am done with my BS in Supply Chain Management. I was super worried about my final in my SQL class , so I was a stress cadet until late tgat night when my prof posted final grades and I had a solid B. Yeah, so that's done.

- Then on Friday, I had a great 2nd interview with a company out in Westport for a pretty substantial management position. The GM was really thorough, and I was pretty upbeat about the interview. Went and checked in on 2 'bridge' jobs that fell through, and I was just dejected. Stopped and got a Slurpee(like ya do!), then just as I was making the turn down the road to my house, the HR manager from the interview called me and offered me the Production Management position. It's a raise in the base pay of my old position at the mill, plus a 10% performance bonus, and a week more vacation. Mind you, it's going to be a challenge, but it's one I've been wanting for a long time. My theory?

We went and saw some cool trains. The caboose was one of the last commercially produced ever, and the long train car was owned by the Great Northern railroad and used exclusively for the route my mom used to take to see our fam in Wisconsin. Btw- the lady in the hat holding Bug? That's my mom.

(Fwiw: $3.99 for a box of glass ornaments, made in the USA? Thank you garage sales!!!)

Thank you to all of you for the good energy and faith across the miles. I'm not gonna lie, I shed a few tears of joy when I got the email with the offer. It's been so demoralizing having so many companies pass on me, telling me no when I knew I was a great choice. Now is my time to shine... And if you are in the same place, I am here for you and have lots of that same energy to give. In this house, we lift up, not punch down!

Much love yall- I couldn't have succeeded without you, and don't forget it. My gratitude will always be eternal!

#me #this is my life #dadlife #washington state #new job #supply chain management #stick and stay make it pay #in repair

[rocksinmuffin]

answering a bunch of things under the read more.

No, sorry, I know of the game itself but am unfamiliar with the lore and the fandom.

Sorry. I’ve seen a playthrough of one of the games forever ago but it’s not really my jam.

Yeah! Back in the day, Red vs Blue was my jam. I can’t say I’m familiar with any of the newer stuff once they actually started doing their own animation, but if you want something from the original old silly universe then I would be comfortable with that. Sheila is a queen and I would fight Caboose for her.

My first experience with a Kevin Smith movie was seeing Clerks 2 in movie theaters and I did not get the hype then. I think the Jay and Silent Bob characters are fun but otherwise I am not really a fan of his work.

SAD!!!! Honestly, though, I spent so much time on Luna so sad to see what happened to it. A lot of great works were lost. I will forever miss you strangely sexually-charged Valtiel fic. F

I’m genuinely not sure if this was meant to be a request or if you were just telling me in general about the tall dark and handsome dudes in the Gargoyles cartoon but you’re right. Lowkey had a crush on Goliath.

Hey anon! Glad you’re enjoying the blog and sorry for any issues you might have experienced. Honestly, it is impossible for me to say whether the request sent or not because, whether you meant two days or two weeks, I get multiple requests so without any further details there’s no real way of me knowing which one is yours. Still, if you’re nervous it didn’t get through for any reason, you are more than welcome to resend it. If I got the original then there is no problem and I can just delete one of the duplicates.

I haven’t watched or seen it, so as of now I would not write for it. However, it looks interesting enough so I might try watching it sometime in the future. If I like it then I could potentially write for it in the future.

Not really anymore. Trippin’ Balls was in its peak back when I was still writing on Lunaescence and I hadn’t even heard of Tumblr. I’d take requests from people in the reviews and so on. But now that I have a Tumblr and requests are open in general it feels kind of silly to continue taking requests for that specific old series when you can just ask me to write for anyone right here. Though this did remind me that I had a piece on the Ginyu Force that I never uploaded to AO3 (I think I posted it somewhere on this blog but for whatever reason never uploaded it to the actual story on AO3) so I will do that and make it the final update.

You are so motherfuckin real for this 😎✊ Theo fuckers unite!!!!

I am so fuckin sorry fam because I know the pain of being in a small fandom that is desperate for content but I have literally never heard of this in my life. I hope one day an artist you really admire starts posting stuff for you to enjoy 🙏

I’m gonna be real with you, I have never watched a Nintendo Direct in my life. I did hear about them finally announcing the sequel to Breath of the Wild though and if Sidon is in it I will never shut up about it.

Doctor Who is already on my list of series I don’t write for. I have a feeling if I had a normal exposure to Buffy the Vampire Slayer that I would enjoy it, however, the only times I ever caught it on TV the absolute worst/darkest episodes were on. One was an episode where Buffy was in a psych ward because they were doing a whole thing where her life as a vampire slayer was all in her head or some shit. And the other episode I saw had a vampire that ate skin and he would skin his victims alive and I remember him using his sharp nail to cut a slice of skin off his victim and it fucked me up. So, yeah, I never wanted to watch Buffy atter that lol. So no Buffy either.

Eh, probably not. I mean, I watched the first season on Netflix and I enjoyed it but it also didn’t stick with me enough for me to remember anyone’s names. So unless another season releases where it is easily accessible for me to watch it and I am SUPER into it then probably not anytime soon.

You are so real for this. Like, Borderlands is a very dated series but I genuinely enjoyed playing 1 and 2 a couple years ago and I love Claptrap. I felt so bad when no one else came to his party. I will always go to Claptrap’s parties. he is my homie.

I never heard of this and when I went to look it up I was expecting some kind of animated movie or something but it was literally a movie starring Tom Hanks?????? Like, I’m not shocked that you are recommending it as a good movie I was just genuinely so shocked to have a movie with a big star like him completely slip under my radar.

Nah, sorry. I vaguely remember this show running on adult swim for a small amount of time but I never watched it.

Yeah, I mean, I still write stuff for Dragon Ball and Piccolo. I never stopped. It’s just what people are requesting. You are more than welcome to send a Piccolo request my way. But also you guys must understand I have been so explicitly clear in the past about how I headcannon that Namekians don’t have junk so if every request I get is about Piccolo banging the reader with his big meaty cock then I am probably going to feel less inspired to write that since it is just not how I picture him.

I haven’t watched it but he seems hot as far as furries go. But I would probably have to see the movie to get the full context to understand WHY he is so hot because apparently, against all odds, this movie is really good? Or so I’ve heard.

Hard to keep track since I get new requests every day and not everything in my inbox is strictly a request but as of right now my inbox is showing about 177 messages. So, nothing too wild. But I’m also not forcing myself to answer every request if I don’t want to either so right now the numbers are constantly fluctuating and mean nothing.

To be honest, while I have fondness for the old game, I haven’t really paid attention to Overwatch since they dropped the hamster as a character and I stopped actually playing it even earlier. As far as I’m concerned, it stopped being a fun game when you could no longer have a team of all Winstons.

I used to watch it but not religiously or anything. And, honestly, I have no plans of watching it or giving it any support in the future in light of the recent news about Justin Roiland’s domestic abuse charges.

I haven’t but maybe now I will because I am digging butch dino lady.

Sorry, but no. I have browsed past it before in an fye but have never actually watched it.

Okay, so!!!! I think I have watched the first 2 seasons of the show and I would be willing to write my little pony friendship is magic. HOWEVER! No NSFW. And honestly if I write it then it would probably be a shitpost.

I did try it out a long time ago and as a whole I have a lot of mixed feelings because some of the writing is genuinely very good but frankly none of that excuses the overly sexual depictions and drawings of characters who are meant to be children and it is such a shame that this LGBT+ friendly game with some very hot buff furry characters also feels comfortable enough drawing kids with bulges in their pants.

#ask #anon #rantsinmuffin #long post #will i won’t i

[tabbran]

What up fam! We've got a bonus stream this week from me tonight at 9:30pm pst. I'm the caboose on a very fun raid train with my friends. Come hang out!

#ootd

[clocks-are-round]

Meeting the Parents PSA

Donut: I’m Franklin Donut from popular webseries Red vs Blue!

Locus: And I don’t want to be here.

Donut: Today we’re talking about introducing your partner to your family!

Locus: Your moms are here?

Donut: No, silly! This is a practice run! So, Sarge—

Sarge: *grumbly sarge noises*

Donut: You remember Locus?

Sarge: Of course!

Donut: He’s my partner now!

Sarge: By partner do you mean like… work partners? Partners in crime? Lab partners? …Boyfriend..?

Locus: Boyfriend sounds juvenile. We’ve traveled to dozens of planets and faced danger… and disco together. I would like your blessing to continue to stay by each other’s side.

Donut: *quietly* Oh my gosh Sam, that was so beautiful!

Sarge: What? Travel? Disco? When did that happen?

Donut: I— I was gone for months.

Sarge: Hmm…

Donut: After all the gods and time travel stuff? I said goodbye to you and everyone else at the hospital.

*cut to Lopez in a different location*

Lopez: [editor’s note: Sarge was crying about how much he missed Donut for weeks. Then he started pretending Donut was still around. It looks like he’s still in denial. What a sad, strange little man]

*back to previous scene*

Sarge: No, I’m pretty sure you were with us. You were at the wedding.

Donut: Yeah, we came back for the wedding… after traveling for months.

Sarge: Locus just got here today though.

Donut: Wh— *turns to Locus* Have you been invisible this whole time?

Locus: Not the whole time. *mumbles* Most of the time.

Sarge: You mean to say he’s been living with us here since the wedding?

Donut: Yes indeedy.

Sarge: Well that explains why Grif kept saying the base was haunted.

Donut: Ohhhh. Yeah, that makes sense now.

Locus: That isn’t what we’re here to talk about. *to Sarge* Do I have your blessing?

Sarge: Uhhh… Granted, soldier.

*cut to Donut close to the camera with Locus and Sarge facing each other in the background*

Donut: *to the camera* With any luck, your family will like them; hopefully not more than they like you, but also not so much that they want your partner for themselves!

Sarge: Well, Locus, if things don’t work out between you two, don’t feel like you need to stay away. Or if you need a new partner, I think I’ve got a couple more adventures left in me.

Donut: If something uncomfortable like that does happen, it’s important to communicate boundaries to those involved. Preferably by taking them aside later rather than calling them out publicly.

Sarge: I am okay with being a backup plan!

Locus: *backs away slowly then goes invisible*

*cut to next scene, Donut and Locus are with Grif and Simmons*

Donut: I’m an only child, but some people also have siblings to introduce. Like, Grif who has a sister! Grif! Simmons! How did meeting the in-laws go for you?

Grif: The fuck are you talking about? He already knew Sister. You know that.

Donut: Well yeah, but what about the parents?

*couple beats of silence*

Simmons: shiiiittttt I knew we forgot something!

Grif: Fuck, I haven’t even seen Mom since before— Fuck! She’s living in a trailer park now! I gotta go see her.

Simmons: Surprise visit?

Grif: Yeah. Man, I hope she’s doing alright.

Donut: What about your parents, Simmons?

Simmons: Oh, I’m dead to them, so no worries there.

Locus: That’s… unfortunate.

*sound of a ship landing and a person’s footsteps clunking down the ramp*

Caboose: *runs on screen* Guys, I’m back from visiting home and guess what I brought??

*sound of many footsteps*

Woman: *offscreen* Michael, mi ángel, are these your friends? It’s so nice to meet you all, I’ve heard so much about you all.

Caboose: Only nine of my sisters could come, but that is ok because otherwise we would not have enough couches.

*all sisters and Caboose’s mom will be offscreen*

Sister 1: Couches? We’re sleeping comfy tonight!

Simmons: We don’t have nine couches.

Grif: I wish we did.

Sister 2: That’s ok. Most places don’t have enough furniture so we’re used to sleeping on the floor when we travel. *quickly* Nose goes!

*chorus of several “not it”s including from Caboose*

Grif: Caboose, you live here. You have a bed.

Caboose: Still not it.

Sister 3: Fuck! Why do I always get last?

Sister 4: Probably because you’re slower than Michael.

Sister 3: Hey! *beat* That’s not true!

Sister 5: Prove it and catch me, weebasaurus!

Sister 3: Mom, Ronnie’s being a fucking bitch!

Sister 5: You kiss your kids with that mouth?

Caboose’s mom: ¡Cállate! No tattling. Act your age, all of you, or your character will be killed off first in our next campaign.

Sister 3: Puta.

Sister 5: Loser.

Caboose: Our family has fun.

Sister 6: Yeah, well we’ll go ahead and make ourselves at home. C’mon mama, I’ve got your chair.

Caboose’s mom: I can wheel myself, Maria.

Sister 7: Oh she just figured you were tired—

6&7: —from carrying this whole fucking family!

Sister 8: HEYOH

Sister 1: It’s funny ‘cause she gave birth to all of us.

Sister 3: Yeah, I got that. I’m not stupid, Stupid.

Sister 1: …I don’t like you.

Sister 9: Is it too late to leave?

Simmons: So this is what having siblings is like.

Grif: I mean this is just like me and Kai. Except times twenty.

Caboose’s mom: Last one to the blue base is a… ehh… Christina, help me out.

Sister 8: Toilet plunger!

Caboose’s mom: 3 2 1 go!

Sister 2: No fair, Mom, you got a head start!

Sister 9: So much for act your age.

*stampede noises*

Grif: Wash and Tucker are in for a surprise.

Caboose: I wish they could’ve met Church. I think he would’ve liked my family. But not as much as he liked me.

Simmons: Oh yeah. I’m sure Church would’ve LOVED a stampede of Cabooses.

Caboose: Yeah, I think so too.

Donut: Welllll Locus and I are heading to Earth tonight so that’s some extra sleeping space for your family!

Locus: Don’t you think tonight is a little too soon?

Donut: Aw, don’t worry! They’ll love you! They might put you to work, though. I hope you don’t mind helping with chores?

Locus: As long as I don’t have to deal with geese.

Donut: Alright! You are going to have to deal with a cock though so I hope you’re prepared for that!

Simmons: *mutters* Jesus. Get a room.

Grif: Hm. What do you think Simmons? You ready to meet my mom?

Simmons: Ready as I’ll ever be. I hope she likes me.

Grif: She’s not that hard to impress. Just talk about some nerd stuff and she’ll think I married a genius.

Simmons: Well I don’t want to misrepresent myself either—

Grif: Don’t overthink it, man. Just be you. But yeah, that’s four more sleeping places. Five if Kai wants to tag along.

Caboose: Oh, I hope she stays. She is the best at sleepovers.

Donut: Well, I think this morning has been very educational. What do you think Locus?

*shouting from a distance*

Wash: Who the hell are these people??

Tucker: Did I die? Am I in heaven?

Locus: I think I’m glad you’re an only child.

*end*

——

not sure if this will rub people the wrong way or not so here’s a note: the decision to make Caboose’s fam latino was not because he canonically has a lot of siblings. I know that’s a major stereotype (which is weird because all the huge families I’ve seen on tv were white— though that’s probably due to a different issue regarding media) and I considered not going thru with it because of it.

The reasons for headcanoning this were:

1) Caboose understands Spanish; although he’s never seen to speak it, he perfectly responded to Lopez in English in season 16.

2)In the universe of my fics, Caboose is mixed. His dad was white and his mom is black. There’s weirdly very little depiction of black latinos in media and since I didn’t incorporate that into a character in my Queer Canyon series, when I saw the opportunity to tie it to Caboose’s family I went for it.

Also, the mostly christian-based names are because Caboose’s name is Michael. It’s always fun to have a theme with names so I mostly went for bible names. I promise you’ll get to know his family more in future fics of mine.

——

deleted scene:

(in response to Sarge not believing Locus had been there the whole time)

Donut: We made a PSA about competition and why it’s more important to have fun with each other than to come out on top. And Carolina kept countering our arguments and in the end there was an all out war and I was not responsible for those fires.

Lopez: [I did not want to relive the tortuous experience of hearing so many innuendos. So I deleted the file. And then burned the video camera.]

——

Want to toss a couple bucks my way? Here’s my ko-fi

#red vs blue #rvb #rvb fic #//*the tinkling of champagne glasses* #//x gon give a whole lot of community service #//*cocks shotgun* #//mr steal yo snacks #//*windows error sound* #//hello hello hello hello hello #//'CAR?!' #//dr fuck #caboose fam #my fics #rvb fake psa

[rysingsun-art]

ffghhsdf i finally do some art of caboose’s siblings and only one has been introduced in my fics. i’ll get back to my wips eventually i swear 🥲 (i keep telling myself)

so yeah entirely self indulgent bc ocs

#rvb #rvb caboose #rvb tucker #caboose fam #drawn 2021 #fic art

[sicknasty-juggalo]

@soft-serve-strider @turnfuckshithead

#softservestrider #turnfuckshithead #GOOSE CABOOSE #MY FAVORITE TIK TOK #Goose #video #tik tok #clown fam

[nevada-got-screwed-over]

Not so fun fact time: Due to *that* temple being activated while the reds and blues were on Chorus. Caboose probably is a dad.

I choose to believe that the activation of that temple never occurred and the entire subplot/mentions of it is a complex prank the entirety of Chorus is in on purely to dunk on Earthers like Jax and Dylan.

#rvb #red versus blue #the temple of procreation #michael j caboose #dylan andrews #jax jones #the logs #answered asks #anon #anonymous #and if the temple WAS activated yall know Caboose would literally be the best dad in the entire galaxy #sexy times arent my thing fam #for Personal Reasons™

[grifalinas]

Well I know which Gummi would be Hayley’s favorite

#he reminds me of caboose except the rest of the fam actually appreciate him #pirate watches gummi bears #by the way y'all will find out my favorite gummi in a little while

[vashstash]

*shuffles in* S-Spare soft Caboose and Church? *jingles can*

I’ve got you fam ✌️It’s also on twitter 

#vashplies #rvb #red vs blue #churboose #rvb church #rvb caboose #michael j caboose #leonard church #listen dude don't know if you realize but i couldn't calm my fuckin ass for 15 minutes straight #was this an assassination attempt? #because I sure as hell couldn't breathe the visuals were just too strong #thank you for giving me an excuse to draw them #and the squishy cheeks #dunno if twitter helps with getting it in higher res but hey #hope you'll like it dear anon!! #Anonymous

[suppenzeit]

you know I gotta ask you about BV Toby

beev :)

First impression: bastard (derogatory)

Impression now: bastard (affectionate <3)

Favorite moment: that moment where he stays on the stage to look at rusty after he crashes (also; any time hes gaying it up in the megamix)

Idea for a story: caboose fam shenanigans, mostly

Unpopular opinion: UHHHHHH while his gangster thing is mostly an act, he also really is just like a instagram/tiktok celebrity eboy <3

Favorite relationship: steam press its not even a competition !

Favorite headcanon: pretends that he likes sparkling water to look cool 😔

#askbox #marastriker #stex #beevyveevy

[scribbleboxfox]

Since I’m not putting this chapter out tonight like I wanted to, here’s a wip of Those Boys after they just blew some shit up. 

God Mark wHATEVER helmets are hard.

Fuck roman numerals.

#rvb #tlrh #wip #fox art #tlrh spoilers #kinda #i got to draw CABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE #my boy #my wonderful blue sunflower #i love him so much #grif is just like 'shit fam what the FUCK just happened?' #simmons is all 'welp' #caboose is like 'that was louuuud' #yes it was caboose but the good news is the scary part is over #for now #lol

[epsilon-church]

hey guys, rvb deh au. thanks i'll be here all night

#text #if this shows up in dear evan hansen tags i #but yeah i have a lot of thought put into this #evan is simmons (could be caboose but it's important that they Weren't friends so) #connor is church bc yknow. dead. and requiem is just grif in reacts #jared is donut and alana is doc #evans mom is sarge i think. #and connors fam is zoe=grif carolina=the mom wash=the dad #not. in a washlina sense just in a. based on their roles (and requiem again) #ANYEAY SJKSD #au #mine #church as connor is the worst thing i've done to hi #m and im sorry #for people who haven't seen deh: simmons fakes a friendship w church after church dies for a lot of reasons and it's a lot

[clocks-are-round]

Cabooses Sleepover

Takes place after Meeting the Parents PSA and makes reference to Communication PSA

Very long, so I recommend reading it on ao3 where it’s split into 3 chapters.

———

“Who are these people?” Wash’s hand instinctively hovered near his gun, but he looked more baffled than really threatened. He wouldn’t grab it. The people swarming around them were unarmed.

Tucker had something else cocked. Bow chicka bow wow. Holy shit, he needed to get out more. “Am I in heaven?” Tucker stared at the dozen— pretty similar looking girls. Seriously; dark curly hair, tall, light brown skin, most of them pretty fit. Were they all related? Wait, why did they look vaguely familiar—

“Hey, that guy’s black, is that Tucker?”

“What the fuck, Ronnie, you don’t just say something like that!”

“His shirt’s teal and this is blue base, so like I can use context clues,” Ronnie shot back.

“That’s not teal. It’s aqua.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Yooo it’s the fabled womanizer!”

“Everybody get your pepper spray,” another joked.

“Yeah, what the fuck is happening?” Tucker asked. All the unfamiliar voices overlapping, all the boobs-- hey, he was a simple guy. He focused on all the new faces instead. They looked familiar; it was like an itch on the edge of his mind. Had he seen them before somewhere? More importantly, who--

“Who are you people?” Wash repeated.

“Ohh, he’s cute too. He’s not one of the gay ones right?”

“You’d bone every guy if you could.”

“Shut up!”

“Straight people are so horny, what’s up with that?”

“Again, what the fuck is happening?” Tucker asked.

“Someone explain who you all are PLEASE.”

———

“Surprise!” Caboose pulled the trigger on his gun, the bullet narrowly missing a very unenthused Wash.

“That’s not confetti…” Caboose set his gun down sheepishly. “Sorry, sorry. I forgot Freckles was at the veterinarian’s.”

Wash sighed. “It’s not that you all aren’t welcome, I just wish this many people weren’t sprung on us as a surprise.”

Caboose pouted. “I’ll ask next time.”

“Please.”

Some hectic introductions had been done while one of the girls went and got Caboose. Tucker could only remember a few. He looked around.

Ms. Caboose was an obvious one. In one word, she looked very huggable, and he had no doubts her kids got those hugs regularly. Ms. Caboose was darker than Tucker, so her kids' light skin was definitely courtesy of their late dad. Caboose had her warm dark eyes. On him, they were full of spacey, childlike wonderment. On her, they were eager and flitted around often, jumping from conversation to conversation. Her large frame was seated in a wheelchair, but her legs didn’t have casts or anything, so probably a permanent situation? He wasn’t sure what etiquette was with that sort of thing, so he figured if she wanted to talk about it she could bring it up.

She had a slight accent and occasionally spoke to her kids in Spanish. Most of the time they responded in English, but not always. Tucker had never heard Caboose speak Spanish. Unless you count the word “taco”. Had he understood Lopez this whole time? Psh, Caboose could barely understand English. He doubted his Spanish was much better. Then again, it was Caboose. He was full of surprises.

Shaved-head was Lydia. She was wearing a baggy hoodie and leggings. She was the only sister who wasn’t taller than him. She responded to hi with, “Easy, Tiger. I’m married and my kids aren’t easy to impress. They get that from me.” He hadn’t heard her say a single thing that wasn’t drenched in snark.

The twins were Maria and… Sophie? No, Sephi. That was it. He couldn’t tell if they were identical or just similar looking fraternal, but they’d said they were twins. They said it in unison, and he’d seen enough movies to guess identical. Maria had a natural makeup look and her curly hair was up in a loose bun. Sephi had a colorful canvas on her eyelids, an undercut, and multiple piercings. Telling them apart wouldn’t be a problem.

The rest of the sisters, though… He wasn’t sure he’d get them all down.

“Where’s Carolina?”

“And Sarge?”

“What about Doc and O’Malley?”

Wash held up a hand and counted off the answers. “Forced to take a vacation, chose to take a vacation, I have no idea.”

“Dammit. We never get any stories about Doc. He’s like a mystery.”

“What about Lopez?”

“Hola.”

Tucker turned. Lopez was surveying the scene from the doorway.

One of the sisters— straightened hair pulled behind her ears by silver flower pins— started rapidly patting the floor next to her. “Lopez! Come over here! Sit here!”

(For the benefit of the audience, and my own sanity, I will write the English translation of what Lopez intends to say rather than running it through a translator app as his dialogue is intended to be. Tucker still doesn’t understand Spanish, we’re just omniscient badasses, y’all)

“[What the fuck? I’m not a dog. Bitch.]”

“I know that, just join the circle! Stay awhile! It’ll be fun.”

“[Did you just understand what I said?]”

A chorus of affirmation spread around the circle.

“Nope, totally didn’t, doggie boy.” Lydia smirked.

“Why do you sound like early 2000s google translate?” Mascara, low shirt, leggings. “Michael was right, your Spanish is weird af.”

Lopez froze, his head surveying the room, “Adiós.” He left.

“I say we go robot hunting later.” Maria grinned, “All in favor?”

“I.” Sephi, of course.

“I!” Pigtails and sweatpants— Christina, he remembered.

“I wanna tear his arms off.” Triple braids and glasses.

“You don’t get to join.” Sephi and Maria said.

“Yeah, what the fuck, Tori?” Short flamingo-pink hair. Loose band t-shirt over black sports bra. Ripped jeans.

Tori shrugged. “I wanna start a robot arms collection like my waifu.”

“He canonically has no interest in a new relationship after his wife died,” Pink Hair said. “He can’t be your waifu. Dios.”

“Dio!”

“Jotaro?”

“Shut upppp.”

Tori fingered one of her braids. “He can still be my waifu. I simp respectfully.”

——end of chapter one——

Tucker and Wash got Blue Base ready for the slumber party while the others hung out with the Cabooses over at Red Base.

They didn’t talk much with each other. There was still a weird friction from recent events. Tucker was so bad at romance that Wash had thought they were dating (because of a little white lie that shouldn’tve even reached him) and then got mad at him for being a bad communicator when he found out they weren’t. Wash also got Donut to orchestrate a whole-ass theatre reenactment. Though, knowing Donut, it was probably his idea and Wash went with it to be petty. Which, he had every right to be, Tucker admitted. They talked it out, sort of. But things didn’t feel “normal” between them anymore. Would they still be able to hang out? To hug? Sit next to each other? Fall asleep next to each other (he knew how it sounded, but like, movie nights and shit)? Or would that make Wash uncomfortable, knowing that Tucker would only view him platonically? Would that make Tucker uncomfortable? Fearing Wash expected or wanted more from him? Something he couldn’t give?

When did his life turn into a god damn soap opera? What happened to the days where the only romance he dealt with was by broken hearts of women he cheated on, girls who felt betrayed that he wasn’t their dream guy, and his own heart, never getting attached because these things never lasted.

It sucked but it sounded fucking great compared to this.

The meet-the-parents brigade rolled out. And then there were, dunno, twenty? Fifteen? A lot of people still. Tucker, Wash, Kai, Lopez-- wherever he was hiding, and the Cabooses. Besides Lopez, everyone was circled up again. This time the room had the furniture all pushed to the side, so it felt less crowded.

“Okay, so I don’t have everyone’s names down.” Kai pushed a wave of hair out of her face. “Go around the circle? I’m Kai, but you all know that by now.”

“Ronnie,” Pink Hair said.

“Lydia.” The Snark Master.

“Christina!” Pigtail Girl.

“Tori.” Ah right. Robot Arms Girl.

“Uh, I’m Washington. You can call me Wash.”

“Lisa.” Straight Hair.

“Michael. Wait, no, Caboose. Actually, yeah, all of the above, actually.”

“Sephi.” Artsy Twin.

“Maria.” Natural Twin.

“Huliana.”

Tucker blinked. That was a new one. “Wait, Hooly-what?”

“Juliana.” She hadn’t spoken to him earlier. She had on a cardigan, not knit, but one of those thin, semi-transparent fabrics. Her t-shirt said “Not a morning person” with “morning” crossed out and the words “any time of day” below it. Her eyes slid away from him. “You can call me Lia if that’s easier to remember. I’m fine with either.” She was the least thrilled to be here, for sure. She looked like she was just waiting for an excuse to leave, tapping her blue nails against her jeans.

“I’m Hannah and you can call me whatever you want, cutie,” said Mascara Girl. Hannah leaned toward Tucker with a bright smile.

“Really? How about—“ Tucker hesitated. One wrong word and he’d turn all these girls against him, “Uh, I’ll keep that in mind. You’re pretty cute yourself. And you all know me, Lavernius Tucker, resident bachelor, looking forward to getting to know you ladies.” Was that too much? Shit, that was too much, wasn’t it?

“Hannah, was it?” Kai chimed in, “You wanna leave the party in a bit? Have some fun together?” She winked.

Tucker shot a glare at Kai. What gives?

She just stared back with that goofy smug cute grin of hers. Goddammit.

“Sorry, not into women,” Hannah said.

“Yeah, that’s chill,” Kai looked unfazed, something Tucker still admired about her. She turned to the rest of the group. “I just want to make it clear I am open to sex with any of you beautiful gals if you’re interested— aaand I just realized I said that in front of your mom.” Rather than mortified, she looked amused at herself. Kai winked at her. “Offer extends to you too, Mama Caboose.”

“Oh, you’re smooth. Call me Elena.”

“I like this sleepover less now.” Caboose made a face and retreated into his sleeping bag as far as his large frame would allow.

Sephi patted his head sympathetically.

“The rest of you can call me Mama Caboose.” She considered it with a smile. “It has a fun sound to it.”

They played some party games to move the night along-- Just Dance, Mario Kart, Jenga-- before breaking into conversation again.

“Poor Caboose here is one of the only non-girls.”

“I thought you just had sisters,” Tucker said to Caboose, who was stuffed awkwardly in his sleeping bag, on his back for some reason.

“Ah, no. I thought so but that’s not actually… right.”

“So…” Lisa began, “Oldest is Esther, she couldn’t make it. Gail couldn’t either. You’ve met Juliana, she’s right there. Then Christina--”

“Yea-ah!”

“Me, Maria and Josephine, Ronnie, Tori. Then there’s the triplets; Michael, Ella, and Gabbi--”

“Caboose,” Tucker interrupted, “you’re a triplet?”

“Yes.”

“How come you never said anything?”

“Ah, well, maybe you should’ve asked me if you wanted to know so bad.”

“How the fuck— Yeah, okay, my bad. So, Michael, Ella, and who?”

“Gabriella. I named them after the archangels.”

“I don’t really know religions.” Kai tilted her head. “What’s Ella short for? Is it short for something?”

“Raphael.”

“Raphaela, Mama,” said Lisa.

“Oh, did I drop the a? Yes, Raphaela. Let me know if you become a Michaela, Michael.” She laughed.

“I will. But I won’t. I’m going to stick with Michael.”

“Yeah he’s not kidding with that,” Christina said, “He doesn’t even like going by Mike or Mikey.”

“My name is Michael. Or Caboose. Or J, sometimes. That’s the middle one.”

“Do you even remember what it stands for?” Tori questioned.

“That depends… on how much time I get on the test.”

“Alright, so then there’s Hannah--”

Hannah batted her eyes at Tucker when he looked over. He responded with finger guns and she giggled.

“Lydia, Eve and Eden-- not here, and then Bruh and David-- also not here.”

“Bruh?”

“Yeah, Mom wouldn’t let them or David come because it’s a school night.”

“They’re so close to graduating high school.” Ronnie shook her head. “The little twerps are almost adults. How weird is that?”

“Hey, Tucker,” Juliana motioned for Tucker to follow her out of the room.

“Uh, yeah, ok.”

“Lia! Why are you stealing my man?” Hannah pouted.

“Oh, grow up, Hannah. Besides, you’re married.”

“Don’t tell him that!”

Well that’s not a comforting reaction. Not an open relationship then. Tucker wasn’t gonna fuck around with that.

“Try your best… it up… chicken out.” Kai said something from across the room, but he couldn’t make out what over the chatter of everyone else. Judging by her tone and expression, it was condescending and deserved a rebuttal.

Tucker flipped Kai off and followed Juliana.

——end of chapter two——

Juliana stopped in the kitchen and waited for him with her arms crossed and head tilted impatiently.

“Alright, so what’s up?” Was it about Hannah?

Juliana walked up to him— maybe he was wrong and things were going to get steamy— and slapped him across the face, hard.

“What the hell was that for?!” Tucker held his stinging cheek. He was used to that reaction from women, especially when he was younger, but he didn’t DO anything.

“That’s for turning the oxygen off in my brother’s suit.” Her dark eyes froze his skin like frostbite.

It took him a few seconds. Right. He and Church rebooted Caboose’s armor and Caboose was without oxygen for a while. Back in Blood Gulch. It felt like a lifetime ago.

He wanted to deflect this. ‘It was Church’s idea’. ‘That was so long ago, get over it’. But Wash was right. Even after all these years his first instinct was emotional self-defense. And, outside of life or death situations, he wasn’t paying as much attention to those around him as he probably should. He hurt Wash because of his lack of awareness. And then he tried to shrug it off like it was a joke because he didn’t want to face it and that hurt Wash more. He needed to start listening. Even when it was hard.

It felt like he kept learning this over and over. Grow up, grow up, grow up. Why couldn’t it stick? It made him wonder if there was something wrong with him. Even Donut’s grown as a person, but it felt like he was running in place. Was he really any better than that whiny, twenty-year-old asshole? Yes, he had to be. ...But was he? ‘Cause he still felt like an insecure fuck-up. No, stop. You’re thinking about yourself again. Stop that. This isn’t about you.

“We didn’t mean to cut off his air supply. We were rebooting the suit to see what would happen— That still sounds bad, doesn’t it.”

“Yeah. It does.”

Back then they didn’t think much of it. Caboose was alive when the oxygen started working again, so no harm done. Now he knew different. Caboose was always a little— a lot odd, but the cerebral hypoxia didn’t do him any favors.

Juliana walked back to the kitchen island and leaned her weight through her hand. “But nothing can be done about it now. Maybe right after, but you didn’t even try to get him medical attention.” She looked at the bar stool, but remained standing. “Do you feel bad at all? That you hurt him?” Her voice was tinged with pain, but her words almost sounded rehearsed. That made sense. It happened a decade ago. She’d probably had these words inside this whole time.

Do you feel bad at all? Of course he did. He felt fucking awful about it. But like she said, nothing could be done about it now. He walked over and grabbed a stool to sit on. Lopez must’ve greased it, because it wasn’t squeaky when he swiveled.

“I mean, yeah. Back then I didn’t realize we did any harm. I was so focused on myself. But someone close to us had the same thing happen recently. Not the same same thing, but… you know. Cerebral hypoxia.”

“Washington.”

“Yeah. We— I didn’t know that happened to Caboose until he mentioned it to Dr. Grey and she said, ‘Yeah, that’s probably what happened.’”

“And there’s nothing I can do about it,” Juliana squeezed her arms, staring intently at her sneakers.

“If you hate me for that, I get it. I know it was partially my fault. But, Caboose doesn’t seem to mind. He’s… I dunno, he’s Caboose. He’s one of the most resilient guys I know.”

“Yeah, he’s lived through a lot.” Her mouth twitched and she chuckled. “Mom had to call poison control for him fourteen times. And one of those times was in high school.”

“High school? What happened?”

“He said he wanted to know if the window cleaner tasted like gatorade or blueberries.”

“Sounds like Caboose.”

“Yep. He’s always been,” her eyes roamed, like she’d find the words on the wall, “prone to poor decisions. We didn’t know he was going to join the space marines. Apparently, he didn’t know either. He thought he was applying for college.”

They both laughed.

Juliana had a soft, sad look in her eyes and a faint smile to match. “He’s a little different now. More forgetful, spacey... well, you know. It was really hard at first, but we all realized pretty quickly that being upset about it was only stressing Michael out. He apologized to us. A few times. He was so anxious. And then Mama told him,” She paused, her lips silently moving, then nodded to herself, “‘Never apologize for being yourself. Everyone changes. Change is natural. We love you always.’ But, you know, in Spanish.”

“It’s great that you were all there for him.”

“I mean, that’s what family does. And the ones that wouldn’t— they’re lying when they call themselves a family.”

Tucker nodded. He didn’t have any blood family left aside from Junior, but he had the guys now. They were all his family, and they’d be there for each other in a heartbeat.

“What’s your family like?” Juliana asked, as if reading his mind.

“I mean, they’re all pretty great. Annoying sometimes, but I’ve heard that comes with the territory. There’s the people living here on Iris, and then my kid who’s living on his own already. He works in the Sengheli embassy. Treasure the moments if you ever have kids. Especially if they’re Sengheli.” It didn’t feel long ago that he could hold Junior in his arms. It only took a day with his kid to decide he wanted to do better than his mom did. And considering Junior didn’t get into the shit he did at his age, he did an alright job. “They grow up so fast.” His other kids-- he tried not to think about them.

Raising one kid, he succeeded where his mama pretty much failed. Raising two dozen? He could never. He’d fail them, and then he’d be just like his mom. Taking on more than he could handle. He’d just keep sending the child support. Aside from visiting Wash at the hospital, he avoided Chorus. If he saw a little tot, it would probably be his. He couldn’t face that.

“What about your real—“ Juliana stopped herself, “Sorry, your childhood family. Or is that a rough subject?”

“I mean, it’s not great. I didn’t have the big, perfect, loving family you guys have, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Lia rubbed her arms. “Oh, I wouldn’t say our childhood was perfect.”

“I kinda enlisted to distract myself from what happened.” She wasn’t a great parent, but she was all he’d had. He missed her.

“Caboose said you enlisted to— and I quote— ‘find pretty ladies’.”

“Yeah. I was pretty alone and made some stupid decisions trying to lose that feeling. Doesn’t excuse some of the shit I did. What a creep I was. But, you know, it got better. Life threw some shit my way and I got stronger. Became a better person, I think. Still got some stuff to work through but I’m not in that dark place anymore.”

Lia nodded. “So,” she gestured around them, “what’s with the red and blue bases? Why would you make a reminder like that? Wasn’t the Simulation Project awful?”

“Caboose and Sarge were feeling nostalgic. And we had plenty of space, so why the fuck not. The inside layout is pretty different than the old bases, but the outside looks similar.”

“We would’ve come by way back when, but, you know, the places you guys were stationed at didn’t have breathable air. And didn’t allow visitors. Then after the Chorus thing you all dropped off the radar.”

“Yeah.”

“It is nice to meet Michael’s other family. The stories didn’t do you all justice. You’re--” She looked down at her pocket and pulled out her phone. The case was a simple black one; no design. It seemed fitting, somehow. The little kiddie stickers peppering the back caught him off guard though.

She noticed him staring.

“Oh, uh, so you like unicorns?” He pointed to the phone when she gave a quizzical look.

She grinned, “Those are the work of my niblings.”

“Niblings?”

“Nieces, nephews. My sibs’ kids. I let them each pick out a sticker to decorate.” She slid her phone back into her pocket. “They’re about to start another round of Just Dance. I haven’t had a turn yet, so I’m gonna get in on that.”

“Hey, would you want to—“ Tucker bit his lip. Would asking her out be just like what Kai said about trying to use women to feel better? He couldn’t keep backtracking. But he liked talking to her. He could start with that.

Her foot was turned toward the door, wondering whether to leave. “Would I want to what?”

“Could we talk again sometime? Like, even after you leave?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure something called ‘phones’ exist, so I guess it might be possible,” She smiled, amused at her own sarcasm.

“Great! Could I get your number?”

“How about you give me yours?” She countered.

“What difference does it make?”

“Well, whoever has the number has the power to decide to never call and never be contacted if they change their mind.”

“That’s cold.”

“Welcome to life, hombre.”

Tucker wrote down his number. “Do I need to worry about you standing me up?” He handed the paper over.

“Are you asking me out?” She squinted at him, “We just met, I hit you because I blamed you for my brother’s handicap, and you’re asking me out?”

“It doesn’t have to be a date. I’d just like to see you again. But, like, I’m not friendzoning us either.” Honesty honesty. No peacocking either, just be a normal person about it. “I think you’re really pretty, and I had fun hanging out. You know, once we got past the heavy stuff. I liked talking with you.”

“You know I’m like a decade older than you, right?”

“I don’t mind if you don’t.”

Lia considered. “It could be a date. I’ll have to think about it. We’ll see what kind of mood I’m in when I call you. Don’t wait for me, though. It might be a no.”

“When you say not to wait, does that mean your sisters are fair game, or is that a deal breaker?” He was half joking.

“You wanna deal with Hannah’s husband who boxes on the weekends? Knock yourself out.” Lia laughed at his fearful expression.

———

Tucker returned to the party with Lia.

“Yeah, he did not like condoms and was against any kind of contraceptive—“

Caboose had his head in his sleeping bag and was inching and writhing around like a worm. “Mama, stop talking about those thingsss!”

“—so anytime he complained about the kids I just said, ‘you could start covering your penis or we could never have sex again’, and he changed his tune so fast!” Mama Caboose laughed.

Kai was hanging on her every word. And her. She had her arm on her like she was ready to embrace her at a moment’s notice.

Wash was by Sephi and Maria. Each was painting the nails of a hand. Wash was looking at him and Lia. Tucker broke eye contact. Even looking at each other felt awkward.

“I’m just glad most of the kids were grown by the time he kicked it. I had to be a stay at home mom to raise everyone and he was the breadwinner. The kids all helped after he passed. Michael had been a space marine for… a year or two by then.”

“You two have been gone for a while,” Hannah remarked bitterly.

“Any bite marks?” Lydia asked innocently.

“No, but you might wake up with some. I hear they have a bat problem here.” Damn, Lia. He chuckled. Good thing Grif wasn’t here. Would’ve worked on him easy.

“Nice try. We’re in space. I’m not stupid.”

“Space bats.”

“That’s not a thing.”

“It sounds like a thing,” Tori piped up worriedly.

Hannah was glaring at Lia, who rolled her eyes in response, sitting down next to her.

“Cockblocker.”

“Cheater.” Lia flipped her off.

Yeah, he liked her. Even if things did stay platonic, he felt they really could have a great friendship.

———

Want to toss a couple bucks my way? Here’s my ko-fi

#red vs blue #rvb #//dr fuck #//hello hello hello hello hello #//resident loud n proud bi gal #caboose fam #//excuse to make tucker and caboose brothers-in-law and give tucker a romance #//mama caboose #my fics

[kristen76]

We went out for a drank. This is the Blue Caboose. #yum #fun #safe #fam https://www.instagram.com/p/CNJDaKuHmA8/?igshid=lb2ymev4kshp

#yum #fun #safe #fam

[taiyang-isms]

Yang: *Get’s Tai’s chin with an uppercut that sends him flying*

Taiyang: *hits head* God DAMN it, Caboose!

Caboose’s voice in Tai’s head: Tucker did it.

Yang: What?

Taiyang: What?

#rwby #rvb #taiyang xiao long #yang xiao long #caboose #-isms fam

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

There’s a lot of rojascorp fam

I wonder if it’s all one person or if we have a whole caboose of people jumping on the rojascorp train.

Also, how did it become rojascorp when it should clearly be obsidiancorp? all of the other corp ships are all about what they do, not their names (SUPERcorp, GUARDIANcorp, AGENTcorp, REIGNcorp). It makes no sense! Who is responsible for this!!