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agerefandom · 3 years

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Little Brother, Big Brother

Fandom: Homestuck

Characters: Regressor!Dave Strider & his mom Roxy Lalonde, regressor!Dirk Strider & daddy!John Egbert

Words: 5,400

Summary: Dirk and Dave are both age regressors, but they have never regressed in the same space. After almost a year of consideration, they’re finally getting together for a playdate with their two caregivers. Everyone’s a little nervous and a little excited.

Content Warnings: Brief mention of diapers. Parental caregiver names. One brief tantrum/bout of separation anxiety. (Important Note: Dirk and John’s caregiver/regressor relationship is a little blurry between non-sexual kink and regression. For example, they have rules and safewords, which I don’t typically write as part of age regression. This is only briefly mentioned in the fanfiction, and both of them still characterize their relationship as sfw agere, separate from their romantic relationship as adults. Nevertheless, I wanted to mention it in the content warnings!)

There was a knock at the door and Roxy perked up, tossing aside the phone she had been anxiously fiddling with. She made her way around the scattered toys on the floor to the front door, opening it to reveal a familiar smiling face.

“John!” Roxy exclaimed, pulling him in for a hug. He happily returned it, wrapping his arms around Roxy’s shoulders and laughing into her hair. John had been a gangly teen, but he had grown into it now, with broad shoulders and a soft stomach that Roxy loved to lean against while they played video games. “It’s been forever!”

“Too long,” John agreed, then stepped back to reveal the other visitor who had been half-hiding behind him. Dirk had his hands shoved deep in his pockets, and he moved with John as if he was tempted to dive right back behind him.

Roxy fixed Dirk with a Look and opened her arms for a hug. He stepped forwards to oblige, ducking his head so the edges of his shades weren’t a threat to Roxy’s perfect face. His hugs had become familiar over the years, brittle but genuine, all long limbs and restless fingers. Roxy squeezed him once, pressing her cheek against his hair, before she let him step back. He didn’t look like he was inclined to talk, which was fair enough. Roxy could guess that they were all nervous about their evening plans.

“Come on in, you guys. Don’t mind the mess, it’s been a busy day.” Roxy showed them in, ushering them to the couch.

“Oh, I understand,” John laughed. He had a backpack over one shoulder, patterned with little red robots. Roxy guessed that it was the supplies for Dirk, who was currently dressed in his usual outfits: unassuming, plain clothes from the newest brand that cost an arm and a leg. Roxy didn’t keep up with that sort of thing, but she could admit that Dirk always looked nice. “It’s hard to keep track of everything when someone’s over-excited.”

“You can say that again,” Roxy sighed. She and John had been good friends over the years since the game had ended, and one regular part of their relationship was chatting about their forays into caregiving. It was different, of course, because Dave and Roxy weren’t dating, but John and Roxy were still two members of the friend-group who dealt with regressors in some form or another. They had found each other a valuable resource to share ideas, tips, questions, and just to vent about their exhaustion occasionally.

“Alright, so we’re getting set up in here?” John asked, looking around the room. “Is that still the plan?”

“Yep, I think it’s the best way to do things,” Roxy said. “Help yourself to snacks, toys, anything apart from the stuffed dinosaurs. Dave’s a little protective of those guys, but everything else is fair game. Do you need anything before I head out?”

“Nope! I think I can work with this,” John said, rubbing one hand across Dirk’s shoulders. Dirk hadn’t taken a single step away from John since they entered, almost pressed against his side. “Give us about fifteen?”

“No rush,” Roxy told them. “We’re happy to watch some TV in the bedroom.”

“I’ll let you know.” John seemed pretty confident, something that Roxy had always envied. She was never sure if she was doing things right with Dave: his younger self was so different from his older self, and he was resistant to talking about it openly when he wasn’t regressed. John and Dirk had much more communication set up, and many stricter rules. Maybe it was part of their relationship, but maybe it was just what Dirk needed. Roxy knew that Dirk’s headspace was more consciously constructed that Dave’s, and he preferred to structure it with safewords and rules, while Dave wouldn’t be able to set good boundaries when he regressed.

“Cool, we’ll be around!” Roxy brushed a hand against Dirk’s arm on her way out, smiling at him over her shoulder. She was excited to see him smaller, excited to see John taking care of him first-hand. It wasn’t that she couldn’t picture it, she just couldn’t picture herself in the situation with them. She fiercely hoped that it would all go well, but of course her priority was…

“Dave!” she called as a soft warning before opening the door.

Her son/not-son was sitting on the floor of her bedroom, working on a puzzle she had bought for him. It was a little more complicated than a normal four-year-old could handle, but Dave’s hand-eye coordination wasn’t quite as bad as a bio-toddler, and Roxy tried to err on the side of something too hard instead of something that would take him five seconds.

Dave looked up at Roxy with wide eyes, his lips pressed together in an expression dangerously close to a pout.

“Oh, baby, are you nervous?” Roxy closed the door and swept down to kneel beside Dave, pushing a hand through his hair.

“Don’t wanna do this,” Dave muttered, hands clenched into fists. Roxy put her hands over his, easing them apart and revealing the puzzle pieces he had been crushing in his palms.

“If you don’t want to, we don’t have to.” Roxy watched Dave carefully. She was excited about their plans, but Dave’s comfort came first. She knew that this was a risky situation for everyone involved, something that she’d been thinking about for over a year, but pushing it wasn’t going to help. “Little brothers are a lot of work.”

Dave visibly perked up at the reminder that he would be the big brother in this situation. The difference in age was one reason why John and Roxy found it so interesting to compare their experiences: Dave was a fairly active toddler, with a lot of curiosity and energy, while Dirk’s headspace was closer to an infant, and he was a largely reactive child, easily entertained by simple toys or a TV show.

“Do we have to play?” Dave’s question took Roxy a moment to put together.

“You mean, play with each other?” Dave nodded. “I don’t think you need to play together if you don’t want to! Dirk is pretty tiny, I don’t know if he does much playing. It’s mostly going to be you and me just like normal.”

“But John?” Dave covered his face, nerves and embarrassment making their way through his regression. His voice came back to his adult voice as he curled inward. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

Roxy hummed sympathetically, giving Dave his space. “Like I said, we can back out at any time. But I know that John is really excited about this, just like I am. He wants to meet you, little one. He already knows he’s going to love you.”

Dave made an incoherent sound of protest, flapping his hands in front of his curled-in knees.

“Anyone would be lucky to spend time with you, honey.” Roxy curled up beside Dave, mirroring his position with a bit of space between them. “I’m so lucky to be your mom. And John loves you a whole lot, he won’t stop talking about it! He’s going to be over the moon that you trust him with this. Even if it only lasts a little while, he’s going to be excited for months. You know him.”

Dave laughed, clearly still out of regression. “John’s a nerd.”

“Oh, that’s not up for debate,” Roxy smiled. “But he’s also a very good daddy when he needs to be.”

“Weird.” Dave shook his head. “Can’t picture him as a dad.”

“I don’t think I knew what I’d be like as a mom,” Roxy mused. “I’m sure that Dirk is just as nervous about it all. I don’t think anyone knows what’s going to happen with the four of us, really. I can’t imagine how much Dirk is struggling with the lack of structure.” Dave chuckled at that. He and Dirk had a mixed but friendly relationship as adults, so he knew exactly what Roxy was talking about. Whenever things didn’t go exactly to plan, Dirk tended to fly off without a single word. Roxy knew that it was his way of trying to stop himself from making everyone stick to the original plan, but it didn’t stop it from being a kind of disorienting response.

“Okay.” Roxy watched Dave as he uncurled from his little ball and took a deep breath. “I do want to do this.”

“Yeah?” Roxy stretched out her arm in an invitation, and Dave scooted over to press against her side. His breaths were long and slow, trying to calm himself down. “It’s up to you.”

“No, I really do. I was excited about it.”

“Alright, then we’ll do it.” Roxy set her hands on Dave’s waist, pulling him gently up to sit on her lap. He was a little bigger than her, but very light. He was the perfect weight when she held him in her lap like this, her arms wrapped around his waist and her cheek pressed against his shoulder blade. “I’m excited too.”

Getting Dave back into regression was a process, but some cuddles, a bit of calculated tickling, and an episode of Loony Toons did the trick, and soon they were both laughing on the bed, Dave’s laughter that free and louder sound that Roxy only got to hear when he was regressed.

Both of them were startled by the knock on the door, but Roxy reacted first, pausing the show and rubbing Dave’s back to calm him down.

“What’s up?” Roxy called towards the door.

“We’re all ready in the living room whenever you want to come out!” John informed them.

“Alright!” Roxy said loudly, then turned to Dave as John’s footsteps retreated down the hallway. “Do you want to finish our episode before we go play in the living room? I brought out your lego.” Dave’s duplo lego collection was a bit ridiculous, but it meant that he could build a house big enough for him to fit into. Roxy stored them in a little void-pocket in one of her drawers, and pulled out the huge rubberneck containers whenever there was a special occasion. This definitely qualified.

“Lego,” Dave nodded, already moving off the bed.

“Okay,” Roxy said. “Now, remember not to shout around Dirk, okay? He’s very small.”

“No shouting for the baby!” Dave repeated at a very high volume. Roxy shrugged internally. There was only so much she could do, and Dave would probably be alright once he was actually in the same room as his older-younger-not-brother.

“That’s right, no shouting around the baby,” Roxy said encouragingly. She opened the door to the hallway, leading the way out. “Do you think you could build a house for him?”

“For both of us!” Dave said.

“Well, I don’t know if we have enough for something that big,” Roxy laughed.

“Gonna make a big house!” Dave wasn’t willing to be discouraged.

“Okay, you can see how big you can make it,” Roxy allowed. Dave was bouncing on each step, clearly mixing nerves and excitement into a desire to run into the room as quickly as possible. Roxy kept their pace slow and her footsteps audible, letting both John and Dirk adjust to the idea that they were entering the room.

As they stepped into the living room, John looked up with a smile. Dirk was huddled against his side, eyes closed and a plain white pacifier hiding his mouth.

“Dirk is sleepy, but he can doze through anything,” John told them softly. “I thought it might be nice for him to wake up to you, when he wakes up properly.” Roxy could tell that Dirk wasn’t really asleep, but it made sense that he would want to lay quietly for a while, adjusting to their presence and the way that they interacted.

“I hope he sleeps well,” Roxy said, and gave Dave a gentle nudge towards the boxes of lego that were stacked in the corner. “Do you think you can play quietly, sweetheart?”

Dave nodded and soundlessly glided over to the lego boxes. That wasn’t exactly what Roxy had meant, but he didn’t seem to have been jostled out of regression by the request, so it was probably alright. Triggering requests usually made Dave age up faster than anything, so his calm unpacking of the lego was a sign that he was still regressed, despite the absolutely silent movements that usually showed his discomfort as an adult.

“Dave is determined to make a big house for him and the baby,” Roxy told John. “He’s very good at lego.”

“Oh, that sounds like a lot of fun!” John swivelled his head to watch Dave start sorting the pieces from the box, quiet and methodical, glancing over to Roxy every few moments. Roxy kept her eye on him and offered a proud smile every time he checked in with her. “Dave, do you think I could help with that? I’m a big fan of lego myself.”

“If you’re quiet,” Dave said in a hushed voice.

“We don’t need to be too quiet,” John laughed. “Dirk really can sleep through anything.” He placed a fond kiss on the top of Dirk’s hair, and then carefully extracted himself, guiding Dirk’s head to rest on one of the couch cushions. John murmured something against his cheek and then moved away, letting Dirk curl up into himself a bit more, the pacifier shifting in his mouth. “I think you’re doing a good job so far, though.” He squeezed Roxy’s shoulder on his way by, kneeling down beside Dave’s boxes of lego when he reached them. “You give the orders! What can I do to help?”

Dave scanned John up and down, the only sign of his discomfort the pattern of his fingers tapping against each other over and over again. “You can get all the big blue pieces and make them into a wall,” he said eventually, pushing the box between them. “No holes.”

“Can do!” John said enthusiastically, diving into the box with gusto. Roxy chuckled, moving over to sit in one of the chairs and watch. Some things never changed, and one of them was John’s adoration for Dave, clearly. She watched them build together, Dave eventually falling into John’s rhythms and becoming louder, laughing and even knocking over one of the walls on purpose to make John fake a pout at having to start again.

“Play nice, Dave!” she called over, when it was clear that he was considering doing it again. Dave aimed a little frown at her, but settled down and continued his own building.

Roxy settled back in her chair, considering picking up some water from the kitchen. Dave always forgot to keep hydrated as an adult, so Roxy tried to keep a sippy cup always in his reach when he was regressing at her house, but she had left it in the bedroom. She shifted, ready to offer John a drink while she was going to the kitchen, when she noticed that Dirk’s eyes were open and fixed on her.

Roxy froze. She could see the swirling orange of his eyes, the way his long lashes framed them, the angles of his face somehow softer without the sunglasses he wore every day. She felt afraid of the intimacy in meeting those eyes, overwhelmed by a surge of panic that she couldn’t trace to a concrete thought.

“John,” she called, trying to hide her panic. “Dirk is awake.” John immediately extracted himself from the lego with Dave, leaving the regressor with an affectionate hair-tousle that made Dave scowl. He trotted over to the couch and knelt down beside Dirk to give him an over-dramatic set of kisses on his cheek.

“Did you enjoy your nap?” John asked, nuzzling his nose against Dirk’s. Dirk’s eyes fell closed as he laughed, the pacifier garbling the sound. He wrapped his arms around John’s neck, pulling him closer, and John obediently scooped Dirk into his arms.

Roxy found she couldn’t watch the display, feeling too much like an intruder. She bounced to her feet as quietly as she could, trying not to interrupt, and made her way over to Dave, who was entirely focused on the lego house he was making. It was coming along quickly, the bigger lego blocks fitting together into simple blocky structures. Two walls of the house were almost finished, with one featuring a gap for a window. It looked like each wall was going to be a different colour, and the one that Dave was finishing was a bright green.

“I’m fetching your sippy from my room,” Roxy told Dave. “Do you want me to get Rexatorius while I’m in there?” Rexatorius was not in fact a t-rex, but a brontosaur: both of them enjoyed the name anyways.

“Yes, please.” Dave was very polite as a child, his southern accent stretching the words out. “Can I have more juice?”

“You can! Coming right up,” Roxy told him, and headed off to the bedroom without another look at the two on the couch. She collected the dinosaur plushie and the sippy cup, tucking Rexatorius under her arm as she navigated through the living room on her way to the kitchen.

“John, do you want some water or some apple juice?” she called back into the other room.

“I’m good, thank you.”

It still shocked Roxy sometimes, how much they had all grown up. Collecting water for herself in her own kitchen, with glasses she had chosen, offering drinks to guests, having people over for a dinner party… it still felt so foreign. Being twenty-three hadn’t been something that Roxy had ever considered, always focused on making it to sixteen, always focused on making it to the game that would change everything, would save the world, would save her from the empty echoing rooms of the mansion she’d spent her childhood inside.

And here she was, a part-time mother, a part-time host, a full-time adult who was involved in politics, of all things, as well as going into her Masters in ecto-biology with multiple offers for a full-time job afterwards (thanks to their fame, all of the planet-founders were highly desired as a source of publicity and funding for whatever career they wanted to pursue). Roxy, in short, had somehow become an adult.

Roxy shook the reverie away as she rinsed the sippy cup between servings of apple juice, filled a cup of water for herself, and grabbed a bag of chips just in case anyone wanted a snack. Back in the living room, John was settled on the couch and Dirk was on the floor, playing with a wooden puzzle that was made to look like a circuit board.

“One serving of juice!” Roxy dropped it off next to Dave with a kiss and Rexatorius, patting the dino on the back before retreating. Dave could handle his own lego building, and it had never been one of Roxy’s interests. She would happily come to ooh and ahh when the building was all done.

Roxy approached John and Dirk cautiously, and John looked up to give her a smile and a wave to come join them.

“Roxy! Do you want to meet the baby?”

“I would love to.” Roxy pushed away the anticipation she had been feeling and focused on Dirk on the floor, trying to push away all the past experiences they’d had, the fights and the two am vent sessions and the ill-conceived projects they’d come up with together. She knew what regression meant to Dave, but she didn’t know what it meant to Dirk, and she needed to keep an open mind.

“Hey Dirk,” John said, getting down on his level on his hands and knees. “I want you to meet Daddy’s friend, Roxy. She’s Dave’s mom, remember? We came to visit her and Dave.” Dirk glanced up from his puzzle at Roxy, and Roxy was taken aback again by the sharpness of his eyes. There was none of the hazy contentedness of Dave’s regression. Dirk stared directly and piercingly towards Roxy’s face.

“Hi,” Roxy managed. “It’s good to meet you.” She almost held out her hand, and jerked it back. Dirk’s eyes followed the movement.

“Can you say hi to Roxy?” John prompted Dirk. Dirk shook his head, and dropped his eyes back to his puzzle. Roxy tried not to feel rejected, but her heart spasmed. “That’s okay,” John said softly, and smiled up at Roxy from the floor. “Dirk’s not so good at words,” he explained. “What about sharing your puzzle?” John asked, pointing to the piece that Dirk was holding in his hand. “Can Roxy help you?”

Dirk hesitated, nodded, and then held the piece out in Roxy’s direction without looking at her.

Somehow this motion reassured Roxy, something more akin to a shy child than Dirk’s own mannerisms when he was on edge.

“Thank you,” she said gently, accepting the piece and kneeling down. “Did your daddy get you this puzzle?” It was easy enough to find where the piece went, but she took her time looking. Dirk nodded, sucking on his pacifier with a soft sound. “He’s a pretty good daddy, huh?” Roxy smiled at John as Dirk nodded more enthusiastically.

Dirk picked up another piece and held it close as he surveyed the puzzle. Roxy gave him the time to figure it out, and he eventually pushed it into the right place. He picked up another piece and pushed it into Roxy’s hands again.

“Thank you!” She took the piece from him and hummed thoughtfully as she pretended to search for the right place. “Does it go here?” She put it in the wrong place, and nodded with satisfaction. Dirk laughed and shook his head. “No? Are you sure?” Dirk picked up the puzzle piece and slotted it into the right place, still laughing.

“Oh!” Roxy hit her forehead. “Why didn’t I see that?”

Dirk rolled his eyes at her, but he was still laughing.

“I know,” Roxy nodded. “I’m a silly mom, I can’t help it.”

“G’d mmm,” Dirk muttered, his voice quiet and slurred by the pacifier.

“Sorry, sweetheart, what?” Roxy leaned closer, trying to hear him, but Dirk only shook his head emphatically and picked up a new piece of the puzzle, fitting it into place with none of his earlier hesitation.

“He said you’re a good mom,” John interpreted, rubbing Dirk’s back with a calming motion that Roxy recognized from using it with Dave herself.

“Aww!” Roxy pressed her palms to her cheeks, grinning. “I hope that Dave agrees with you.”

Dave’s voice came as if on cue, from over the couch. “Moooom!”

“On my way!” Roxy called back, more softly. She didn’t want to scare Dirk, who was leaning into John’s touch and closing his eyes. She rose to her feet, automatically helping herself with her god-tier weightlessness as she pushed herself upwards. Dave was standing by his house, which had three walls finished. “What’s wrong, baby?” Roxy drew closer, and Dave threw himself into her arms, wrapping his arms around her.

“Don’t go,” he whispered into her shoulder, and Roxy could feel him shaking slightly.

“Oh, no, honey.” Roxy wrapped her arms back around Dave, squeezing him against her. “I’m not going anywhere, I’m your mom. I wouldn’t leave you for the world.”

“I could hear you and you were gone,” Dave protested, curling tighter into her arms.

“I was just visiting the others, over by the couch,” Roxy told him, rocking slightly to comfort him. “Not gone, never gone.”

“I thought…” Dave trailed off, derailing into a mumble that Roxy couldn’t make out, despite her experience with Dave’s rambles.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Roxy soothed. “I love you so much, and I always will. I’ll always be your mom.”

“My mom?” Dave echoed.

“Yes, honey, your mom.” She cupped Dave’s cheek to tilt his face up for a forehead kiss. “No one else’s.”

“Okay.” Dave seemed to have calmed down quite a bit, but he was still holding tight to Roxy.

“Do you want to work more on your house?” Roxy cast an eye over the work Dave had done so far. “Or do you want to meet Dirk?”

“Dunno.” Dave rocked back and forth slightly in Roxy’s lap.

“Well, why don’t you come say hi? You can go straight back to your lego after that, if you’d like.” Dave nodded.

“Okay.”

Roxy helped Dave to his feet, keeping her hands on his and helping him stay upright when he was standing. He wasn’t always clumsy when he regressed, but it was usually a surprise to both of them when he had trouble walking, so she tried to be careful.

“Follow me, sweetheart.” She led Dave over to the carpet, glancing over to see that Dirk was twirling his fingers into the mane of a horse plushie, John singing a soft lullaby. John looked up when they walked in, but Dirk kept his eyes on his twirling fingers.

“Dirk?” Dave said quietly.

Dirk’s back stiffened and then he let out a breath and turned, blinking up at Dave.

Dave’s eyes widened and Roxy could practically see his excitement take over from nerves. Dirk looked quieter and unthreatening without his glasses, his plain white onesie and his long lanky pale limbs curled up against John’s chest.

“Hi!” Dave gushed, dropping to sit beside John and Dirk before glancing up at John and Roxy for approval. Roxy smiled warmly at him, and John nodded and shifted his grip on Dirk so that he was facing out towards Dave more. “I’m Dave!”

“…” Dirk looked at him for a long second, then hid his face behind the horse plushie he was holding.

“You’re a baby, but I’m really old,” Dave told Dirk seriously. “I’m gonna build us a lego house to live in.” Dirk raised his head again, smiling around the pacifier, and Dave smiled back. It was strange for Roxy, to see the instinct-driven space that Dave lived in, that she understood so well, and the difference between him and Dirk. Dirk was so clearly not as regressed, still cautious and deliberate. Maybe this was just him getting used to a new space? Or maybe this really was how he regressed. Or maybe this was how he’d been when he was a baby, making his way around his home in the middle of the ocean.

“Good job, Dave,” Roxy praised, resting a hand on his head. “Be gentle with your little brother.” She knew from talking with John that Dirk reacted well to being reminded that he was supposed to be small, regressed, a baby without responsibilities. Dave was very passionate about being a ‘big boy’ and pushed his limits further than Roxy would like. Another difference between them.

“Do you want to hold him?” John offered, cradling Dirk’s head against his shoulder gently.

Dave glanced back at Roxy, eyes wide. She could tell that he was intrigued but uncertain.

“I would love to,” Roxy said, knowing the question had been directed at both of them. “Why don’t I carry him to the couch, and you can sit with us, Dave? I can read you both a story, how about that?”

“Yeah.” Dave bobbed his head, subdued.

Roxy knelt in front of her two friends, smiling fondly at John and the tender way he handled Dirk. “May I?”

“Of course.” John guided her hands, one under Dirk’s knees and the other cradling his neck. Roxy had carried Dirk before, mostly out of his workshop before John had started taking over the task of disrupting Dirk’s manic work episodes. He had never been so unclothed, her skin touching his as she lifted him into her arms and settled him against her chest.

Dirk wasn’t light, thin but muscled. The only reason Roxy could lift him with ease was because she was taller than him, much to his ill-hidden annoyance when he’d first met her in person. He was the shortest of the eight of them, with Rose a close second.

Roxy looked down at Dirk as she carried him carefully towards the couch, and was surprised again to find him watching her. She smiled gently, even though his eyes were piercing.

“Hello,” she cooed. “Did you like meeting Dave?” The boy in question was following behind them, craning his neck to look at Dirk over Roxy’s shoulder. “He was so excited to have a baby brother.” Roxy shifted her weight back and forth, bouncing Dirk slightly in her arms as she reached the couch. “You are very sweet, I see why your daddy talks about you so much.”

That got a reaction: Dirk’s eyes crinkled, and an unfamiliar burbling laugh came from behind his pacifier.

Roxy gasped. “And adorable too! I should have known your daddy wouldn’t lie about that.” She turned around and settled on the couch, making sure Dirk wasn’t jostled by the movement as she settled him in her lap. Dave climbed up beside her and clung to her arm, wrapping both hands around her left hand and trying to pull it off Dirk’s back.

“Careful, Dave,” Roxy said. “Dirk needs a lot of support when I’m holding him, he’s only a baby.” Dave frowned, but let go of her hand and let Roxy arrange Dirk more properly, his head leaning against her chest and leaving her left hand free to hold Dave’s hand.

“John,” Roxy called. John had been sitting on the floor with Dirk’s toys, beaming quietly as he watched them move to the couch.

“Yes, Roxy?” he called back.

“I think these boys have my hands occupied, would you mind reading us a story?”

“But of course!” John got to his feet and came over, standing in front of them with his hands on his hips. He really did have some proper dad energy, especially with the light stubble that he’d allowed to grow on his cheeks and chin. “What kind of book should we read?”

“Pigeon!” Dave shouted.

Roxy could feel Dirk flinch in her arms.

“Indoor voice, sweetheart,” Roxy told Dave quietly, stroking Dave’s arm and rocking Dirk back and forth to sooth them both. Two kids was a lot of work: she was very glad that she wasn’t a mother to both of them. Even if Dirk was very sweet, and she wouldn’t mind babysitting once in a while. She was sure that John felt the same about Dave: the two of them seemed to have had a lot of fun building the lego together. “Don’t scare the baby.”

Dirk relaxed again at those words, and Roxy held him a little closer. It was unexpectedly intimate, this age. John had talked about diapers and how they both felt like it brought them closer together, but even the experience of holding Dirk while he was this vulnerable felt dangerous, like touching a live wire, yet insanely comfortable at the same time. Where the two feelings met was what Roxy thought of as intimacy.

John was still standing in front of them, and Roxy realized that she would have to tell him what Dave meant.

“It’s on the second shelf under the TV, far right,” she said. “Don’t let the pigeon drive the bus. Have you read it?”

“We don’t read very much,” John shrugged as he went for the shelf and started flipping through kid’s books. “We have a couple board books and Dr. Seuss but Dirk prefers TV before bed instead of a story.”

“I’m not allowed TV before bed,” Dave said accusatorily, and John glanced at Roxy with clear panic.

“That’s because Dirk’s daddy doesn’t take care of you,” Roxy said. “I wouldn’t allow Dirk any TV before bed either, but his daddy gets to decide that.”

Dave thought that over for a bit.

“Can John be my babysitter maybe?” he suggested. “And then I could watch TV before bed?”

“We’ll talk about it sometime,” Roxy laughed. “He’s got his own little one to look after, just like I have you. But if you’re having a good time, we’ll try to get together more.”

“Yeah!” Dave settled onto the couch properly as John came back with the requested book held in both hands. “More time with Dirk and John is good.”

“I agree,” said Roxy, resting her cheek against Dirk’s soft hair as John flipped to the first page and prepared to start reading. “It’s nice to have a bit of company.”

#agere fanfiction #homestuck agere #fandom agere #agere writing #this is one i've had on file for a while! i've read it often when i need an energy boost #regressor!striders is still my favourite agere content ^-^#anyways it took me a while to edit it!#cglre terminology #my fics #my writing #homestuck #tw kink mention #kink mention

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theorynexus · 4 years

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Maybe We Should Actually Finish This Page: 57, and Meat 31.

Yeeeaaahhh... that would have probably really screwed everyone over. I trust Roxy with the task, somewhat, but she was grieving at the time, and John Egbert was also something of a flailing doof who had no control of his powers.

Way to be a downer, friend. Also: Heh. Circling the drain pun. But yeeeaaahhh... he really should be a bit more pushy about that. Love can make you stupid, sometimes. Also, poison, and bloodloss.

For one, John is the Heir of Breath. He is essentially the one around whom freedom always flows, and is destined to flow. He gets antsy being cramped in one place too long, contrary to his stupidity trapping himself in his house as if he were purposefully lampshading the title of the comic for years. (He’s sortof an idiot and wasn’t really thinking, then, in the same way that he hasn’t really been thinking all that much as he’s been staying with you.) More importantly: No, it’s not perfect. It could never be perfect without you (among many other reasons for it not to be so-- but that is the romantic notion to express, so I’m putting it into words).

Complicated results of the fact that he was essentially engineered by himself and P-Space for the sake of ensuring that his battles with Lord English (and the game[s] proceeding them) went into effect and preserved everything. More importantly, though, as the Breath player, he is also the one most in-tune with spiritual matters, and likely feels subconsciously that their Ultimate Reward was just not quite right, all things considered. This isn’t the final destiny awaiting all of them, and it wasn’t to begin with, despite being the logical conclusion to their twisted 3 session, fated daisy chain.

Seer of Mind most likely sees the results of the other Choice: Check. (Reminder: It continues to feel somewhat awkward that there was not a third option beyond Meat and Candy. I guess that third option was actually Both. Which might be why both are actually [probably] relevant to the eventual flow of things, based on the impression I have of things. ***shrugs*** )

HAH!

It is somewhat ironic that the Seer of Mind is having such difficulties making a decision. My guess is that it is a result of the proximity to the Void object which has bored a hole in space-time and eaten nearly everything.

***continues to freak the bleep out like a king of weasels in the throws of an emotional overload***

Yes. Yes, he is. That is a very dumb train of thought. Dirk’s intercession into the narrative here is wonderful. That is really all there is to say on the matter.

(Quite possibly, yes.)

Obviously, she was supposed to cut through the tooth like a magical earth samurai, or something. Silly troll. :P Also: DARKNESS! Hooray!~ ~~~ Terezi continues to be wonderfully beautiful and cute.

And this is incredibly cute. But probably not good for surgery.

Yeeeaaaahhhh... neither is that, as he suggests. @w@ I do so enjoy this description, though~ It is very interesting to see both of their reactions. Terezi is very good, jumping back into things almost immediately~

Yeah, he’d probably have struggled more to remove it if he’d known. This is surprisingly romantic, though! I didn’t know Hussie had this sort of writing in him, honestly~ (Makes me have a bad feeling.)

Maybe he wants to get her consent first? Probably not. ***shrugs*** That said: I actually disagree with Alt!Calliope on this. That kind of contradiction and war between different parts of the self is inherent and necessary in beings with free will. It helps to make one’s decisions weightier, and to potentially make sure a decision is actually thought through properly, and thus properly willed, and not just done in reaction to the world and what is going on in it (at least in a direct sense). Oh, and their questioning him like that is probably influencing him. May or may not be intentional. Regardless, it makes them seem much more like the Calliope we first met, and I quite like to be able to see more similarities between them. <3

***raises an eyebrow at Calliope’s statement, there*** So they think that the Trickster Lollipop grants temporary True Divinity to the user? An interesting thought. What is also quite interesting is this: the association of Breath and Freedom, freedom from inhibitions here, and Breath with Spirit are all quite linked in interesting ways, in her expressed belief. I find this both very interesting and somewhat perturbing, due to the clashing themes of carnal desire having free reign and spiritual freedom being a thing, generally.

Now slit his throat and listen to him bleed as you smell him die! Oh, wait, that wouldn’t be romantic at all.

Realistically, this might lead to John bleeding to death, but honestly, “realistically” is something that’s impossible to be certain about, considering his godhood. I am both glad that Alt!Calliope has the grace not to actually talk about the implied sex scene and somewhat disappointed that Andrew Hussie decided not to include it. My heart is quite conflicted on the matter. On a semi-related and somewhat awkward note, I suppose I must say something that I had intended to earlier, but forgot to write out for some reason or another: her statement of his blood smelling tasty reminds me of Karkat and Terezi’s supposed “moment,” during their session, and I’m somewhat surprised that, given she exclaimed it here, she did not actually do so when she was younger and probably more immature. That is almost impressive. I am not really certain how to feel about these matters. Sassacre would be able to properly categorize everything by the levels of hilarity involved, I’m sure.

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journeysintowebcomics · 5 years

Text

Homestuck Liveblog #186

UPDATE 186: Political Assassination

Last time John finally got that tooth off his chest, and Jake agreed to give his endorsement to Karkaroni. Now what will happen? Let’s see.

Has it been days since Jade has been sitting on that couch, levitating and with her eyes completely black? Given everything that has happened in the meantime it sure feels like it has. Roxy’s getting worried, she tried to call Rose but she didn’t respond, so instead he goes for the next option she has: Dave. Who immediately brags about working to stop Jane from screwing up everything. The words ‘neoliberal austerity measures’ are unsaid but they’re like an echo when Dave talks about the presidential campaign, I bet. He’s busy handling Jake’s endorsement speech.

ROXY: i guess in the grand scheme of things

ROXY: shes just takin a sort of nap

ROXY: but its one HELL of a nap bro

‘one hell of a nap, davey, shes been blacked out for, like, a week’

It seems the troll candidate is more popular with the trolls and the carapacians than with the humans and consorts. How don’t they have more consort supporters? Hopefully Jake’s endorsement will change that.

ROXY: lmao dirk just texted me about this

ROXY: somehow he found out about jade did u tell him

DAVE: uh no

ROXY: he just said make sure she gets lotsa daylight

ROXY: that itll help with the “exorcism she needs”.....

ROXY: and also to say hi to calliope for some fuckin reason??

DAVE: thats weird

Well that makes clear what the best course of action is: don’t open the windows nor place her anywhere in the daylight. If Dirk’s advice will help with the exorcism she needs – to get Dead Calliope out – then it’s a bad idea. I’m enjoying this epilogue much more with Dead Calliope controlling the narrative, thanks.

It’s alarming Kanaya isn’t picking up either. Could Dirk have gotten rid of her? I sure hope not! Kanaya has done nothing wrong and deserves to stay alive, what with being the professional when it’s about troll reproduction. She better still be fine and kicking!

DAVE: i gotta give karkat some emotional support

DAVE: since gettin jake on our side was a pretty huge fucking bonanza for us

DAVE: which has almost equal probability of winning us the election as it does blowing up in our faces depending on this speech he gives

DAVE: so we gotta like

DAVE: concentrate here?????

DAVE: instead of jerking each other off all god damned day for the rest of our lives

DAVE: (im just joking we dont actually do that)

ROXY: oh

They don’t do that, much to Jade’s disappointment, I bet. Either way, it’s speech time!

The struggle to take control of the narrative is a petty squabble, says Dirk, taking the high ground by offering Dead Calliope a way out. Buddy, pal, friend, you can’t take the high ground and then insinuate Calliope is ugly as sin. That is petty.

Apparently everybody thinks Dave loves Karkaroni, and although I believe that too, it’s fine if Dave never comes to terms to that. The guy marches at the beat of his own drum, he’ll be fine. This kind of thing can’t be forced on him. Speaking of things that can’t be forced, Roxy wants to know how Dave came out to everyone else as not straight. Oh dear, Roxy, I don’t think Dave ever did that. You’re asking the wrong person – unless you want the answer to be ‘deny it for like eight years now’.

He’s not really denying it right now, though. Maybe he did come out to the others and I didn’t find out until now. He’s not comfortable enough with rapping about ‘boning dudes’ in middle of a stadium where so many people can see him, but he’s not running away from the question. Way to go, Dave! I approve character growth!

Somehow Dave has this entire spiel about all the steps of admitting not being straight. On what phase are you, Dave? Inquiring minds want to know. I’d paste the entire thing here, because it’s pretty good stuff, but it’d feel like I’m applying filler for the sake of applying filler, so I won’t.

Dirk really doesn’t want a conversation about gender. Personally I have to agree because, even though this is great for development and I appreciate all of Dave’s steps, this is kind of a random place to shove this in. Pretty bad place, really. It’d have been great at a different moment.

Horrendously invasive of Roxy’s deepest personal thoughts.

...uh, Dirk, you know what else is horrendously invasive? Taking over the narration and manipulating people around. Also the assimilation plan, that’s more than horrendously invasive.

Okay, this is going for long enough.

DIRK: Do you even know where I am right now?

DIRK: Do you have the slightest idea what I’m up to?

the prince is laboring under the delusion that he has been the least bit subtle in his intentions. he currently stands beneath the carapacian bell tower, poised to climb to the top. he holds the long, red sniper rifle that once belonged to roxy, brandishing it openly and boldly. he seems mysteriously oblivious to the fact that holding a long rifle in broad daylight somewhat tips one to the fact that he soon intends to shoot someone from a great distance. he also seems unaware of the fact that i know perfectly well that the top of this tower has a clear, long-range view of the stadium, allowing any competent sniper a clear shot of whoever happens to be standing at the podium as they give a speech. as jake english is about to do.

he also doesn’t seem to realize i have anticipated his attempt to assassinate his own friend in order to advance his political goals, and that i am prepared to take measures which make this impossible.

It really sounds like Dirk’s getting ready to shoot, he’s up at the right place and has a view of the stadium where Jake will be, but...I don’t know, ever since Roxy said Dirk messaged her about keeping Jade in the sunlight for ‘an exorcism’ I have been feeling uneasy, and now that this all was said just now, well, I kind of suspect Dirk may try to shoot and kill Jade. It sure would free her of Dead Calliope’s control and possibly give him back the control of the narrative. It’s a possibility, no?

Somehow the next few paragraphs resembles a schoolyard roleplaying fight. ‘You can’t reach the top of the stairs because...your feet feel really heavy’ ‘really? Then I can fly’ ‘and then the bell came crashing down on you!’ ‘I cut that stupid bell with my sword!’ ‘not fair!’ ‘yes fair!’. It’s endearing in its own way.

DIRK: He wonders out loud, “what is this, amateur hour”?

DIRK: The Dead Cherub then humorlessly narrates, “why, yes. yes mr. strider, it IS amateur hour. and i’m the amateur here, for throwing a huge bell at you. i would like to humbly apologize for my amateurism.”

no i don’t.

DIRK: Sure you do.

I’m having fun with this part, guys, I really am! This is great.

This is over when Dead Calliope, trying to stop the focus on Dirk and his increasingly petty narration, turns the attention back to Dave who must still be explaining to Roxy the intricacies of coming out to their friends. I see keeping a show in a standstill is a Strider family trait.

DAVE: well lets just say internalized whatevers are kind of like an onion

DAVE: theres lots of layers

DAVE: they suck on pizza

DAVE: and trolls have to get their stomach pumped if they eat them

That has got to be the most contrived simile Dave has said in recent history.

Dirk continues saying very clearly he’s about to shoot Jake, and the more he states that so bluntly the more I suspect there’s something else going on.

‘Xenophobe’ and related words are starting to stop looking like a real word. It just has been said so many times.

Everything is making Dave feel like something’s wrong – undoubtedly Dead Calliope’s influence – so he gets in the path of any potential bullets, protecting Jake with his own body.

and despite dave’s quick and well-justified action, what is also unbeknownst to him is that the sniper no longer poses a threat of pulling that trigger. because everyone knows that for all of the prince’s shortcomings, he would never expose his beloved brother and son to the risk of a heroic death.

DIRK: You’re absolutely right.

DIRK: I would never do that.

DIRK: I’d never kill Dave, no matter what I felt the stakes were. I’d never hurt him either.

I’m pretty willing to bet taking over Dave’s self doesn’t count as killing or hurting him, therefore it’s fair game. Dave would be pretty unhappy to know what Dirk’s doing, anyway. The narrative reveals what’s in the sniper rifle are not bullets, they’re tranquilizers. It’d be a non-fatal way of keeping someone out of the way for a while. The second thing Dead Calliope got wrong, though...

DIRK: Yes. You’re right about the tranquilizer.

DIRK: But there’s one more fact you’re not aware of.

DIRK: Which is that I never intended to aim for Jake at all.

Well then! Turns out I may have been right about that he intends to shoot Jade. He must feel really confident about it if he can announce it aloud after aaaall the charades he did to fool Dead Calliope. Is it Jade, Dirk? Will you tranquilize Jade and pretty much put her to sleep – non-fatally?

Dirk spins in what must be the tiniest bell tower ever, given he only has to spin to change direction and be able to aim somewhere else, and gets ready to shoot. All Dead Calliope can do is freeze Dirk’s finger on the trigger, but he thought ahead and made the rifle to be voice-operated. All he has to do is say ‘fire’. Which he does! Game over for Dead Calliope?

Pretty good aim, hitting a vein from all this distance. Jade indeed has gotten tranquilized, and I’m pretty sure given this isn’t the first time Dirk uses tranquilizers – he uses them in TV – it shouldn’t be too hard for anyone to realize this is Dirk’s orangey shady hand making the moves.

The insult against Jade is uncalled for, Dirk. But yeah, the result of all this is that Dirk is once again back in control of the narrative, which makes me sigh with exasperation. I really liked Dead Calliope’s narration more than Dirk’s, so I’m not looking forward to this change.

Roxy drops to her knees by the couch, pulls the dart out of Jade’s neck, and tries to shake her awake. But it’s no use. That’s a heavy dose I gave her. Could be out for weeks. Maybe months? Can’t have any cherubs messing with my business on this planet. At least not until I’ve taken my leave. But Jade’s gonna be fine. Don’t worry about that.

So...she’s pretty much in a coma. Could be worse, could be worse. She could be dead. This is barely better.

Cherubs are fuckin’ weird, I’ll totally concede. Still not sure what makes them tick. What they idealize, what they really want. It all comes across to me as a little cloying. Perfection to them is a sweetness beyond comprehension. Sugar so potent it’s poison to us. To our bodies, to our souls. Like the place she was operating from was a realm of self-construction. A bubble of pure, phantasmal confection.

Well, I for one have had enough of that goddamn toothache. I’m back in the protein saddle, motherfuckers. I’m clacking my tongs, and the charcoal is hot.

Now who’s hungry for meat?

Does that mean the candy epilogue is all Dead Calliope’s influence seeping through instead of Dirk’s? It could be interesting to see what kind of thing she does to the world. Although...given the effects of the trickster lollipop and how ‘sweetness beyond comprehension’ is perfection to them, it’s bound to be nightmarish. I’m actually looking forward to that!

Speaking of meat, holy shit. You just look more fucked up every time we come back to you, don’t you, John?

You’re a disgraceful mess right now. Covered in blood, mysteriously sticky, bruised all over your arms, legs, and neck. Terezi practically raked rows into your back. You catch sight of yourself in the rearview mirror. You’re kind of embarrassed by what a postcoital train wreck you look like when all she’s got is mussed hair. And you should be embarrassed. Seriously, it’s like you were mauled by a wild animal. Jesus, don’t either of you have any shame?

Ah. Okay then, good for them, although I’m pretty concerned. Such a physically intensive activity can’t be good for the guy with a gaping hole in the chest and the troll who still must be half-starved. I won’t be surprised if these two just pass out and die anytime soon. I’m not entirely sure, but it seems things are awkward now between these two. Maybe it was all a spur-of-the-moment move.

You sit together on the hatch, like when you first met up days ago. Terezi crawls into your arms, and nuzzles right up against your chest so you have no choice but to hold on to her. You would have done it anyway if she asked, because you’re a total sap. The kind of guy who no doubt thinks banging a girl in a car is some deep, soul-shattering experience that bonds you for life. Yeah, John, you do think that. You think that you and Terezi are basically married now.

I can’t tell if he really thinks that or if Dirk’s funneling those thoughts into him. The line between what the character feels and what Dirk wants them to feel is pretty blurry by now.

After all this, Terezi gives up on looking for Vriska, so this is a prime moment for her to fly by and find them. She doesn’t, though, and John proposes Terezi to go home with him. Can they even go home? John is so tired it’s possible they can’t – which he really should have thought about before doing said physically intensive activity. Nobody to blame but yourself, John. Seriously, you have an open wound and bled like four liters of blood. You’re as good as dead.

He feels the urge to lie down and sleep, which is a pretty bad idea given the situation. Terezi rouses him up, so instead he decides to give this a try and zap back home. Hmmmm...if he’s so tired right now, it’s possible the act of zapping home will drain whatever energy he has left, so I’m not...very optimistic about John’s chances of survival. Would this count as a heroic death? Can you die from a heroic death if you die like two weeks after the offending injury is made? If he dies from exertion after having sex with Terezi that doesn’t count as a death because having sex with Terezi is neither heroic nor just, no? Oh well.

Back in the stadium, the inexistent assassination attempt may have given Karkaroni a push in the polls, and Dirk spends quite a while brandishing Jake like a piece of meat. Really, can he be treated as more than a flat character whose only non-flat trait is his posterior? Jake’s nervous and fidgets around, so much Dave and Karkaroni show concern and offer to cancel the speech and/or the campaign. It seems our favorite presidential troll still doesn’t like the idea of having leadership, he’s ready to throw the towel anytime. Jake insists he can do it, so he starts!

I don’t remember Dirk being so outright antagonistic in Homestuck. It’s making me pretty uncomfortable, I have to admit. It feels kind of out of nowhere, just like Jane’s sudden xenophobic inclinations are. What was Hussie thinking when he wrote all this? What was his intention?

Jake’s getting pretty nervous and I can’t tell if he’s getting stage fright or if Dirk’s influencing him to be nervous. The latter is a possibility, no? Wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what’s going on.

Why don’t you have a good, long think about that, Jake.

Is this really the time for a good, long think? Jake muses to himself, actually putting a finger to his chin like some public domain clip art picture of a befuddled guy. If the crowd is confused by his rapid-cycle mood changes, they don’t show it. Jake’s got a bit of a day-drinking problem, which has been slavishly documented in the global tabloids. That’s how you avoid responsibility, isn’t it, Jake? You can fool your fans, but not yourself. The truth is that there’s a canniness to the act. It’s partially cultivated. You’re stupid, but you’re not nearly as stupid as you pretend to be.

JAKE: What in the devil was i thinking coming here?

JAKE: Why did I...?

JAKE: I came here to...

... slide the biggest knife any motherfucker ever wielded directly into your friend Jane Crocker’s back?

She loves you, Jake, more than anything, and you toyed with her heart. And you would have guiltlessly toyed with her “kettle drums” too had it not been for a bit of divine intervention, let’s decide to call it.

Sigh. That’s...that’s all I can do with all this. Sigh and keep reading. Third time I’m scrolling through the epilogue a tad faster than I should. It’s pretty much an entire page of gaslighting. Nothing really worth delving into, mainly because it’s pretty uncomfortable to read such a thing. Dirk’s being the abusive ex, pretty much. Nothing really worthwhile.

JAKE: I love dirk!

JAKE: IM IN *LOVE* WITH DIRK!!!

And to love Dirk is to obey him.

You know, there are a few reasons why I’m thinking of liveblogging these epilogues. I’ll explain them later, but right now I may as well say a word of two: the epilogue is competently written. The events in it are interesting, and the interactions are raw and full of emotion. It’s all pretty unpleasant to read, which makes it a bit novel, like swallowing bitter medicine. It’s pretty good, in a technical way.

But it simply doesn’t work with Homestuck characters. It just doesn’t.

Anyway, let’s continue scrolling down to the end of the page and go to the next.

I was right in that zapping back to Earth C would take what was left of John’s energy. He barely can give three steps before he falls down, so it’s all up to Terezi now. She wants to bring John to Jane, so she can revive him. I don’t think she has revived him before, so it should be a good idea. It’d be better to bring Jane to John, though.

It doesn’t matter. This isn’t a wound you can recover from. It’s Game Over this time: no healing, no afterlife, no cosmic clock proclaiming your sacrifice as Heroic. The poison needling through you is antithetical to narrative relevance. You’re not dying, John. You’re being erased. Cherubs don’t fuck around. We’ve both been learning that the hard way.

Oh, nevermind, it’s something not even Jane with her life powers can fix. I wonder if, once John is erased, nobody will remember him. That’s what happens when there’s no place for you in a narrative, no? Hmmm...

John already know he’s irreversibly going to die, and tells Terezi not to waste her time, that he was dead the moment Lord English bit him. Which is true, given this poison. Then he says he was dead the moment he woke up that morning, which...I suppose is the depression talking.

You died the moment you made the decision to go meet your destiny. You would have lived if you made the other decision, under a certain definition of the word “living.” You might have even lived until the end of your immortal life span, as shitty as that sounds.

So he’d have lived for the rest of his life if he had decided to do nothing. Makes sense. This may have been for the better, given Lord English needed to be defeated, so it’s time well-spent. It’s rather unfortunate it involves John’s death, but...in a way I saw this coming. Pretty tragic outcome, and given this epilogue has been chock-filled with a lot of tragedy and pessimistic scenarios, it only made sense this would happen.

It’s dying words time! Terezi is really affected because she really cares for John, and also they had a ‘emotionally significant sexual encounter’, so she’s even willing to listen to all the sappy stuff John will say in his deathbed. This is bound to be rather emotional! And the fact he can’t even think of something appropriate to say in his final moments is what makes it emotional because this isn’t how he imagined this would go. He can’t even think of quotes from his movies. Terezi offers to tell everyone John Egbert said some cool stuff in his final moments and make everybody believe it somehow, so instead John goes straight towards the sappy and tragic. There he goes!

JOHN: i think... i really lo—

TEREZI: DONT YOU D4R3

JOHN: i... r-really lov—

TEREZI: DONT YOU D4R3 FUCK1NG D13 ON M3 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF 4 LOV3 CONF3SS1ON!

TEREZI: 1 FORB1D 1T!!!

JOHN: but... i...

JOHN: i...

Then John dies in the middle of a love confession.

Love confession on the deathbed! It’s like this truly came from a movie, haha. Terezi is devastated, so much she can’t even bring herself to cry properly. Once she confirms he’s dead, she ponders what she should do now, alone in the world John wanted to bring her to. She doesn’t have anything else to do, so after a moment – and at Dirk’s behest – she takes John’s corpse in Dad Egbert’s wallet and starts walking.

It has been a month already. Jane won the election after what I figure was Jake’s endorsement speech for her, so that’s that. Terezi has been rather lost this whole month, and nobody has seen John Egbert – instead of saying he’s dead -- so I suppose she hasn’t told anyone he’s dead. Rose has been missing the entire time and Kanaya has been pushed around by Dirk’s machinations to keep him distracted while he keeps Rose locked away somewhere, both mentally and physically, I figure. All in all, it’s a pretty grim outlook for everybody in Homestuck. Also, Jade is still in coma. Terezi goes to visit her, perhaps to tell her what happened to John?

Dirk continues being so salty Roxy’s experimenting with her gender, apparently. Aren’t there a million other things to deal with, pal?

Roxy is very glad to see Terezi, and she takes Terezi thinking she’s Dave as a compliment. She also compliments Terezi, giving her some heartache because it makes her remember the time she spent with John. It may have been a few hours, apparently. Time works in mysterious ways up there in paradox space!

The reason Terezi is here is because she feels John would come here, and she’s right, I bet. John would want to check on Jade as much as he can, so now that she’s carrying John’s cadaver around, she feels she should handle this all herself. It’s also confirmed she hasn’t told anyone John is dead.

ROXY: back when jade first got all effed up callie saw somethin and it made them freak out

ROXY: it took me weeks to convince them that it was safe to come home

ROXY: but now we got the opposite problem and they arent leavin the house at all

ROXY: they stay home all day with the blinds drawn paintin some weird ass shit on the walls

TEREZI: WH4T?

ROXY: its not as bad as it sounds i promise

ROXY: some of it is like

ROXY: weird and violent??

ROXY: like lotsa nasty purple blood and um

ROXY: nudity????

TEREZI: >:?

ROXY: yeah yikes

ROXY: but MOST of it is cute stuff like... various combos of all of us being happy and gettin married and shit

ROXY: anyway thats kept callie kinda busy

ROXY: so it was hard as hell to convince them to let me come see jade at all

ROXY: its like theyre traumatized

ROXY: and they think ill drag whatever possessed jade back into our home with me

So the end result for Calliope is that she’s traumatized. Seeing a dead version of herself possessing Jade must have really rattled her. As I said, this is all pretty grim for everyone in Homestuck, goodness. Although...part of me wonders if her current state is partly because of Dirk’s influence. He’s petty enough to mess with the living Calliope’s head as a ‘take that’ for Dead Calliope.

Someone tries to contact Terezi through her phone, she’s not sure who it’d be. Perhaps Dirk? He did show a preference to sending messages to his former friends and acquaintances. As if things weren’t awkward enough for Terezi, she’s asked if she knows what happened to John. Terezi, you can’t keep this under wraps forever. Sooner or later you have to tell everyone John died because of injuries in Lord English’s fight.

It seems Terezi can hear Dirk perfectly even when he’s talking in the narration, I suppose it’s because of her aspect. Oh, be careful with the stuff you say, Dirk! She’s also willing to whisper stuff to address Dirk, even if it gets odd looks from other people. On the other hand, this kind of leaves her more vulnerable to Dirk’s machinations, no? Part of manipulating people is responding to what they say, so with some luck this won’t go belly-up.

Once the conversation is over Roxy leaves and Dirk exposits Terezi still feels guilty about hiding John’s death from everyone, and she can’t even confide in Dave because of mistakes she did as a teenager in another timeline. It’s the curse of having the Mind aspect, isn’t it? Knowing what the choices cause. All of Dirk’s exposition bothers Terezi enough for her to tell him to scram, and he refuses to do so.

Come on, Terezi. You don’t belong here. You know you don’t belong here.

Do you feel threatened by Terezi, Dirk? Is that why you’re trying to push her away? I don’t think Terezi has anything that could be particularly useful against Dirk’s plans, so I’m not sure why he’s bothering to mess with her like this. She even points out they barely have crossed words.

Okay, I believe he feels threatened by her in some manner because he tries to convince her to join him in...some place. More like he wants her out of Earth C. He even offers to let her take John with her, which is why I’m sure he made her pick up the corpse, so he could manipulate her by using John. He finally leaves her alone with her thoughts, sure he managed to convince her enough. We’ll see.

Stopping for now!

Next time: next update

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #webcomics #liveblog #webcomic liveblog

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gale-is-something · 5 years

Text

I’m going to date parts of these as I go along because as of when i start this. I haven’t finished the meat epilogue, let alone start the candy one. Dates will be set up the american way.

This isn’t to invalidate anyone’s opinions on the epilogues. You can like it, you can not, this is just what I think.

4/22 - 3:05 pm

I’m about to start chapter 33 of the meat epilogue. I also want to make it clear that Dirk is a character I heavily relate to. I have isolated myself heavily in the past, constantly attempted to solidify my plane in the world, and am known to be “bossy” and a bit of a control freak. I hate failure, as most people do, and often give up or try relentlessly with no in between until i get the results I want.

This is how I read Dirk. I read him as a perfectionist who means well but is also willing to do whatever he fucking can to get the ending he wants. Yes, he shows remorse for the alt version of himself abusing Dave and I don’t believe he’s a heartless (hah) piece of shit. However, I believe this is in character for him.

Another little thing I wanna set up before diving into everything is the blur of canon in the narrative and the largely accepted fanon things.

Most fans had held the idea that Dirk would recognize his mistakes and step back from his usual ways. This is how I thought it was going to go, too! But, maybe I’m associating too much of myself in this, Dirk is also the kind to double down and double down hard. Which is exactly what he’s doing.

We see a bit of his puppet-master esc skills when he orchestrates everything to get everyone into the medium. People mostly attribute it to Hal, which is valid because Hal is fantastic, but Hal used to be Dirk. Dirk as a kid. Now I’m one that argues that no child is incapable of doing big things, but if “Dirk” was capable of doing all that as a child? It’s kinda dumb to assume he wouldn’t continue just because he got a bad outcome once. (The bad outcome being Jake distancing them) His doubling down can also be seen as trying to “fix” or “make up” for what Beta Bro did to Dave.

Dirk does and had done so many things in the way of getting the outcome he deems ideal. He wants his friends to be happy and to make Earth C a decent place. This doesn’t mean that what he’s striving for is the best outcome for everyone. Hell, Dirk killed himself in getting everyone to the medium. He doesn’t give a flying fuck about sacrifices.

Also as Alt-Callie says, he doesn’t make a plan B. He allows for some fuck ups but no alt plan because he believes that his plan will work. He’ll keep going at it until it works. (might be projecting some here, but i think it holds up).

I’ve read some spoilers about his other fates so I’ll leave that part until later.

Now, there’s also the matter of his classpect. Prince of Heart. Heart is the aspect of self, and a lot of the epilogue as far as I have gotten focuses on the self. Roxy struggles with their identity, Jake becomes a semi-different self outside of Dirk’s influence, hell Rose and Dirk literally talk about it in depth. There’s quite a bit of talk about the “ultimate self” which Dirk mentions reaching, and him narrating proves it because Princes destroy.

Dirk destroys the selves of everyone in attempting to reach his desired ending.

4/22 - 7:26 pm

I’ve now finished meat and my opinions haven’t changed. Is what Dirk did horrible? Hell yeah. Do I forgive him? Fuck no. Do I think it’s worth whatever the fuck he’s striving for? Not in the slightest.

I’ve said that I relate to him a lot in this ramble and honestly? I could see myself doing this if I didn’t have as much anxieties and such a strong moral compass.

Dirk knows that he’s doing something that everyone will think of as shitty. He calls himself the villain, willingly accepts it. He knows people aren’t going to like it and doesn't care. As for his treatment of Jake especially, it’s horrible. There’s no undoing that. But I could see how he justifies it (note that this absolutely doesn’t fucking mean i agree with it). To him, it was all Jake’s fault because his plans always work. To him, Jake was the reason he got his heartbroken and some of his treatment of Jake is pure unbridled revenge.

Also, an additional thought is that there’s something to be said for the fanfic formatting and Dirk’s POV. The line of canon/non canon is blurred as everyone’s realized and the ending of meat hits it home. But in my eyes this was Dirk’s version of events. His fanfic, so to speak. Starting with minor things before being blatant about it. Just something I found interesting.

I’m so excited to see where the epilogue goes from here. I see why people dislike it, definitely. There’s definitely something different in the tone of it, more grounded and adult? Not sure. But it’s interesting.

PS Roxy’s identity changes/shifts were an odd choice but I like the way it’s handled. I’m not sure of the exact title that would fit, but I’ve seen genderfluid around so I’ll go forward with them as that.

#upd8 #epilogue spoilers #homestuck epilogue #homestuck spoilers #dirk strider #shut up gale #long post #homestuck

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shiroe-is-my-baby · 7 years

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All Eternity - Chapter 1

Summary: Ashley never believed in soulmates, at least in this life she didn’t. Shiroe remembers everything from their past lives together. The thing they went thorugh, the love tha they shared beyond all else. And every day he fights to gain her love again, reminding her of the soulmates that they were and still continue to be. He just has to make her fall in love with him all over again... and again.

W: self-insert, au, angst, eventual fluff

Next Part

Ashley

The rain was a gentle patting on the windowsill, covering the sky in a grayness that was almost relaxing. I curled onto the bench, leaning back against the pillows and clicked my pen in thought. My laptop sat in front of me, papers scattered everywhere as I struggled to write this report. I had two more days to get it into my professor, but I couldn't think of anything. I'd been drawing a blank for several days, and no matter how many times I researched I couldn't put any of it down.

It was probably because of my stress and anxiety. It wasn't allowing me to actually sit down and properly work on this assignment. There were only a few more months left of classes, and this report was half my grade. If I failed this, I’d have to repeat the class. Which means my diploma would be just out of my reach. I needed to finish this soon if I hope to get anywhere in the future. A heavy sigh escaped my lips as I reached for my cup of hot chocolate. Since working at the bakery, I learned a thing or two about making a really good cup of hot chocolate. And some damn good pastries.

I moaned happily, licking my lips.

Such great weather for such a great pastime. Sitting on this bench near the window, the bustle of the big city ringing in my ears. Most people would find this sound to be heinous, but I found it soothing. It usually helped me thing when I wasn’t already losing my head. My eyes flittered across the cloudy window, seeing the movement of people down below. It was the perfect day to sit in, but maybe not the day to get some work done. It may have been my day off, but it seemed like I needed a breather.

Setting my papers to the side, I moved my laptop and threw on my shoes. It was only a light drizzle. If I brought my umbrella and a jacket I could go for a small walk. Maybe stop by the bakery and get a free pastry or something like that. They’ll wonder what I’m doing there on my day off, but who could resist a good snack on a day like this. I threw on my jacket, taking my keys and my phone that were on the side table. The bakery was a little walk down a few blocks, it would give me a while to stretch my legs.

Pushing open the door, I walked down the stairs and into the breezy afternoon air. The rain was practically nonexistent by the time I started walking, leaving only the smell of the rain on the sidewalk. I popped open my umbrella, smiling at a few faces that passed and had the politeness to smile back.

It’s always true what they say about the big city. It’s full of busy people sometimes too busy for human interaction Not everyone is rude by nature it just how they seem. Even I know my face in the morning isn’t pleasant. And having to walk everywhere sure does help with exercise but I know it doesn’t help with my crankiness. I’m not a morning person, and I know more than half the people here are in the same boat. The loud noises of the city are not the best wake up call. But once the morning ends and there’s caffeine in my system, I can enjoy what it has to offer.

Kicking my shoes against the payment, I breathed in the scent of the water and the fresh flowers when I passed by a stand. Making a mental note to pass by later for some fresh flowers for my windowsill, I found myself thinking of the first time I moved here. It was such an emotional time for me. The first time I was leaving him, away from my family that lived states away. I only get to see them every couple of months or for holidays, but I was happy to be on my own. I still call my mom just about every day to check in. Ever since Dad passed away, she’s been this changed woman. Wanting to see the world before her own time is up. I admire her too much for words to express.

She makes me want to be a better person myself. It’s why I work so hard to make her and my father proud of me. I want to make an impact, even if it’s small. My own little world is nothing compared to all that is around me. I’m ready to explore all that it has to offer in different ways. Even if it’s just the smell of the rain or the flowers, or the smiles of the people on the street.

My feet slowed once I saw the bakery’s sign, and I quickly closed my umbrella now that the rain was practically gone. I pushed open the door, hearing the familiar ding that alerted another customer coming in. Immediately, the smell of pastries was warm to my senses, and caused my mouth to water. I pressed my lips together, humming softly as I heard my name being called from across the room.

“Ashley! What the heck are you doing here? It’s your day off, isn’t it?”

I smiled broadly, waving to the brunette behind the counter.

Roxy smacked her bright pink lips, shaking her head at me as I approached her. She and I have worked here together since I first started. She was a trainee alongside me, and we instantly hit it off from the start. She was the first real friend I made, making it really easy to transition and make this place feel like home. We don’t get to work together as much anymore, but she still comes to my house every chance she gets. Our buildings aren’t that far of a walk from each other’s, which makes seeing each other really easy. I’m lucky to have such a bright and kind soul for a friend.

Waving me over, she leaned over the counter top on her elbows and rested her chin on her hand. Her brown hair, tight in curls tousled on her shoulders, emanating her bright and bouncy nature. “Only you would be here on your off day,” She said with a laugh, “I wouldn’t be caught dead in this place when I don’t need to be.” I shook my head, watching her exaggerated facial movements as she spoke. Roxy was always a character. She never did leave me unhappy when we spoke.

“I like this place. Besides, I needed a break. I’ve been working all morning.”

“On that paper?”

“Yep.”

Roxy let out a puff of breath.

“You’re still working on that? I thought you said that you were almost done!”

“I was,” I said, my mouth formed in a tight lipped expression, “Until I deleted everything because I didn’t like it anymore.”

Roxy slapped her palm to her face, shaking her head.

Mumbling under her breath about me being a perfectionist, she began reaching through the pastries in the bright case beside her. Lots of warm muffins and cakes and various other delicious things lined the counter tops. My mouth was watering even more at the sight. I didn’t realize how hungry I was until I was looking at the delicious food. Roxy grabbed a box, setting a small vanilla cupcake inside it. My favorite.

I licked my lips, watching her close the box and push it towards me.

“Take this, I’ll make you some coffee. You need a break and I’ll gladly help you do that,” She said with a wink.

My hands clasped around the box, giving her another wink in return.

“You’re the best. What would I do without you?”

“Remember that when I’m asking you for a favor.”

She spun on her heels, cackling softly at my expression. Yeah, right. Roxy’s favors are almost always just to get her out of trouble. And she knew that.

She poured me a cup of coffee, adding the right amount of sugar and creamer to make it the way that I liked. Handing me the cup, she pointed to a seat right beside the window. It was my favorite seat in the whole place, one that I’d take on my breaks when no one else was sitting in it. And since the bakery was still fairly slow from the post morning rush, I had the perfect spot to sit and relax.

I smiled, quietly thanking her. Which Roxy, of course, took to her big inflated ego. She returned to her work, while I trotted over to the spot and sat down my things. I was excited to get to relax and enjoy the quiet. No more work for me right now. Just a relaxing day off, until I have to return to my work.

It felt great to sit down, the coffee warm on my tongue as I took small sips. Once I was settled in my seat, I had begun to regret that I hadn’t brought a book with me. It would have been great to read something for a change that wasn’t for school. It seemed that lately that was all my life was. School and work and then repeat. Not that I was complaining too much. My classes weren’t all that bad, and I enjoyed school and my job. But sometimes I find myself wishing I had more of a social life. Lots of friends to spend time with… maybe a boyfriend or so.

I felt my chest growing heavy when I thought about the idea of having a boyfriend. A relationship. All my life I never had a real relationship, but for some reason the thought of dating people just feels strange. Like none of them are good enough. That isn’t me being egotistical either. IT’s just that my heart hasn’t found the right person. Someone who clicks with me perfectly. Someone I can share my days with and doesn’t ever leave me bored. Someone I can enjoy the quiet with and be myself with.

Swallowing hard, I felt a lump forming in my throat. I’m not sure why relationships make me this emotional. I’ve never been in a decent one all my life. Every guy I’ve ever liked has either disappointed me in some way or I always felt… distant. Like they were just a placeholder for someone else. That’s sounds strange to say, especially given that I don’t believe in soulmates. I’d like to believe in them, but I just had never saw the reason to given that I can’t seem to feel anything when it comes to love and relationships. I know that I want, but it seems to be unreachable. That’s probably why I don’t believe in soulmates.

It just seems like a goal that unreachable. A promise that will never be found.

I breathed a heavy sigh, trying to ignore the nagging feeling in my chest.

Now was not the time to be getting emotional. I should be relax. It’s my day off after all! I shouldn’t be wasting it worrying about these things.

Taking another sip of my coffee, I glanced out the window and saw the sun peeking out from the clouds. A smile formed on my lips, happy to see the day becoming brighter. Hopefully this was a sign that I should start cheering up, and let this day get back on track.

I reached for the box with my cupcake, opening it up and licking my lips in anticipation. Roxy picked out the perfect one too. I unwrapped the cake, letting my eyes wander the small little bakery. There were only a few people in right now, most of them finishing up their pastries or coffee or conversation. It was fairly quiet, considering that there was a couple and two other people near the entrance that seemed to be talking a lot. I took a bite out of my cupcake, listening to the sound of the door opening and signaling another customer coming in.

I heard Roxy’s cheery voice speaking up, which made me immediately smile.

“Welcome to B’s Bakery, how can I help you?”

She always had a rather shrill customer service voice, but Roxy was already shrill by nature. I chuckled softly, listening to the small exchange between the customer. It was hard not to be in work mode the moment she spoke up, considering I work here so often. I almost always want to chime in even though I’m not on the clock. Give them advice on what the best pastries are or what’s new to the menu. Roxy is doing all that on her own though, practically flirting up a storm.

No, that is what she’s doing.

I know Roxy like the back of my hand. Her voice changes when she’s flirting. There’s a hint of sultriness to her voice, and I could practically see the little grin without even looking up. Rolling my eyes, I licked some of the icing off of the top of the cake, as I usually do with cupcakes and take a quick glance up at the register. My curiosity got the best of me. I wanted to see this guy that Roxy was flirting super hard with. Her taste is normally way different from mine, and this time around was no different.

I let my eyes wander her face, seeing the flutter of her eyelashes. Roxy was definitely flirting. I could only see the side of the man’s face, but he looked decently cute. Nothing that particularly stood out almost immediately, except for save the hair. He seemed unaware about how hard she was flirting, and if he did know then he wasn’t showing it. Roxy didn’t care, she continued anyway, offering him different things just to keep him talking. I didn’t think Roxy was into the glasses type, but she’s always surprising me.

Continuing with my cake, I let them finish their conversation knowing that Roxy most likely wouldn’t win this one. She’s a beautiful girl, there’s no doubt about that, but this guy wasn’t into it. He’s probably the type that doesn’t see those kind of advances. But I admired her willingness to try even though the odds were against her. That’s one of the things I admired about Roxy. I wouldn’t even be able to flirt the way she does. Not that I would even want to put myself out there like that. I’m such a klutz it wouldn’t even work.

The rest of the time I watched the world fly by out the window, occasionally talking to Roxy when she had a second. It was the best decision I could have made today. The perfect inspiration I needed for my assignment. Before I knew it, I was itching to get back to work, knowing exactly where I was going to go with it. The coffee was cold by the time I tossed it out, walking towards the exit with a newly found smile on my face. Today was definitely a good day.

“Bye Roxy! Thanks for the coffee. I’ll see you tomorrow!” I called, smiling warmly.

“Bye Ash! Have fun writing that paper.”

She winked, her eyes flittering back to the guy from earlier who was sitting a distance away. I rolled my eyes, pushing open the door and letting the bell ring behind me as I left. With a heavy sigh, I trotted down the street back down to my apartment. The air was warmer now, the smell of rain long sense passed now that everything was drying up from the sun. The flowers were blooming even bright then before as I passed by the shop, picking out the prettiest bundle of sunflowers.

They smelled lovely, and I knew they’d fit perfectly in a small spot near my window. With a new found heart and mind, I made my way back up my apartment stairs and forced myself to get back to work. There was so much things to be done, and now that I had new inspiration I hoped that it wouldn’t take me very long. This new idea would definitely get me the grade that I needed to pass and finally get my degree. It felt so close that I could practically feel it. Things were definitely looking up for me.

And I couldn’t wait for more to come.

#self insert #self ship #self insert writing #my writing #otp: shirey #reincarnation au #au #fluff eventual #angst #part 1 #fic #fanfic #fanfiction

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theatrembti · 7 years

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Amos Hart from Chicago ISFJ by Rebecca requested by anonymous

Introverted Sensing (Si) "Suppose you was a woman wed and sleepin' in a double bed beside one man for seven years. You'd notice him." Amos shows himself to be a loyal to a fault, as he takes ages to break away from Roxie and then ends up nearly taking her back. He seems content with his life with hard work, a decidedly aloof wife, and nothing ever changing. Once Roxie gets herself wrapped up in the world of criminals, Amos flounders amongst all of the changes and people that take advantage of him. He is in need of guidance when it comes to navigating the world outside of what he already knows, which causes him to follow Billy Flynn almost blindly. He can get caught on details and miss the bigger picture, such as when he latches onto the idea of being a father without realizing it's impossible.

Extroverted Feeling (Fe) "Hope I didn't take up too much of your time." Amos is easy to manipulate due to his natural kindness and loyalty, and many people take advantage of this during the show. This is first shown during "Funny Honey," as he initially covers up for Roxie and takes the blame for the murder. He turns against Roxie after realizing some of her lies, but once she appears to want him back he easily falls under her spell. While he is not looking for fame, he does crave attention in a different way - he simply wants to be noticed, as seen in "Mr. Cellophane." His care and emotional honesty simply is not fit for the world of Chicago.

Introverted Thinking (Ti) "She would know. Yeah, I guess we’ve done no copulating since…wait a minute. That doesn’t figure out right. I couldn’t be the father." Amos is certainly not known for his intelligence, as he seems to have issues with logical reasoning. He is always several steps behind the other characters in the show, generally unable to understand the way they are thinking. His decisions are often guided and made by the outside world and the people in it, rather than by Amos's own thoughts and opinions. People such as Billy Flynn are easily able to see this and guide Amos to thinking he's making his own decisions when he is really just following someone else's choices. When he does think for himself, he is generally unable to make action out of these thoughts as he passes by unnoticed.

Extroverted Intuition (Ne) "I'm down at the garage working 14 hours a day, and she's up here munching on bonbons and tramping around like some goddamn floozy!" Amos does not deal well with change, which becomes a major issue after Roxie becomes a murderess. When he tries to change the way he acts, he is either ignored or ends up faltering. His goal for much of the show is to get things back to the way they used to be, meaning that change is only a means to getting back to the past. He struggles to understand the fast-paced and chaotic life that so many others - including Roxie - are living. In addition, he comes off of as timid and rather worried about the future, making it difficult for him to improvise.

#amos hart #isfj #chicago #request #anonymous #by rebecca

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monty-glasses-roxy · 7 months

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Related to this AU OK, I can kind of extrapolate for sun, moon, Monty, Roxy, and chica being there. And with a bit of a stretch, Bonnie. But why is it that the DJ, Freddy and foxy are there?

Well it's been nearly a year since that post so I don't really remember what exactly I had in mind for that other than the conflicts in their animal and character programming but uhhh

I remember Roxy was there before she'd ever actually debuted because of the sheer amount of issues she had in development and testing. Like... She was fine, it's not like she was unsafe or anything she was just the most uncooperative, slow, unresponsive animatronic they'd ever had (and that's REALLY saying something). As a result, they sent her to Vanessa with the task of getting her up to speed while they work on everything else they need to work on before the deadline. Which pissed everyone off because hey look an annoying asshole is here and is almost guaranteed to get out of here wow fuck that :/

Monty I believe was in there for destructive tendencies and he didn't think they'd actually do anything about it... Until they did something about it. Well shit. When is he getting ungrounded again?? He wants to go home :(

I don't remember what Sunny and Moon did. Maybe they were too overwhelming on both staff, parents and the kids? On Sunny's side anyway? Moon could have just... Kept poking at a rich kid with influence until the influence meant haha bye guys it's off to Vanessa you go!!

Chica? Don't remember but now I'd say probably aggression. Chicken pecking orders are brutal. She was causing so many fucking problems with that, that when her eating thing got worse because they forced limits on her and she got compacted... Oh noooo she has to gooooo oh how terrible... What a shaaammeee... Anyway-

No idea what Bonnie did. I wanna say he broke the swear filters because it's funny. Tampering with things he shouldn't be tampering with is a big contender I'd say. Or perhaps, not understanding children's safety when it comes to bowling ball weights and the lanes being slippy as hell... The swearing would be funny though.

I remember that I had DJ not actually cause problems ever. He's just really big and they bought him from a different company at a steal before they had somewhere for him. So he's probably getting out when they do. He could also have had issues with the experimental bouncer programming he has in programming.

The Minis are there because... Yeah they won't stay powered off and they're a fucking nightmare to round up and catch. This is the only way they can be contained.

I don't remember why Foxy was there either but perhaps a few accidents regarding his hook? He could struggle with learning proper coordination due to programming conflicts that could lead to that perhaps, or perhaps he also started swearing because that's what pirates do. Could also be unaware of his own strength and have a tendency to play too rough with the kids.

I don't think I came up with anything for Freddy. Maybe they made too many and had nowhere for him to go? His conflicting programming could lead him to be very flat and uninterested in entertaining large groups of people. He could have spent a winter trying to avoid any and all work to hibernate like bears do? Or perhaps there were some stomach hatch incidents, or he just kept nodding along to the kids and doing as he's told like he does in canon pretty much with no real initiative on his own. There's options.

I'd say the Cupcake should be there too honestly along with Foxy's bird Barney so... Cupcake is there because it keeps lashing out over Chica's overbearing nature by biting people. Barney is there because she's a fucking thief and cannot be stopped. Actually, Foxy could have the same reason. These two could be notorious for it.

Where applicable though? The majority of issues stem from their animal and character programming conflicts. Or at least, that's what I believe was my intention when I wrote that post.

Hope this answers your question buddy

#not gonna lie... completely forgot about this au #whoops...?#pop rox answers

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utopianparadoxist · 7 years

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Jake English fucking loves booty shorts, guys. Also: Dirk Strider.

I really could not believe it when I heard some people say Jake wears booty shorts because Dirk is a Predatory Gay and made him do so, but here we are. In any case, it took me forever to realize this, so it’s worth pointing out. Jake uses his clothes to express his inclinations more than maybe any other one of the kids. Jake himself foreshadows his future inclination towards gear that shows off his ass...ets:

Frankly, I don’t think much else needs to be said there? There’s a canonical reason Jake dresses the way he dresses, and that reason is that Jake likes tomb raiders and sexy-looking action heroines, and he wants to be a sexy action hero and look sexy doing it. That’s really all there is to it. ...Or it would be, except that unlike Jake’s relationship with fighting, Jake actually experiences struggles and complications relating to looking sexy, and becomes insecure and vulnerable due to the way people treat him as a sex object. It’s no surprise this happens. Jake has a list of sexual/romantic voyeurs and aggressors, and his discomfort and trauma in this area is an integral part of his character.

Early on, Obviously, there’s the AR, who’s lasciviousness is so well-documented I don’t think it’s worth repeating here.

But Dirk breaks it down nicely for us. Dirk himself makes no appearance on this list, seeing as he had no control over the AR and never even remotely speaks to Jake that way when they talk to each other. Brobot is often accused of being a sexual aggressor as well. This belief is based on two quotes from the story:

This one, from AR. The thing is, AR is known for being pretty hyperbolic and overly sexual about pretty much all situations--kind of like a 13 year kid would be, you know?

What Jake himself says about the Brobot’s actions is much more indicative of the nature of the Brobot’s actions. Specifically:

Jake describes the Brobot as tender. And Tender is a specific word with specific, almost memetic meaning in Homestuck:

A meaning that only a juvenile teenager LIKE the Auto-Responder would consider sexual. Or at least, someone similarly trapped in immaturity.

Yeah. I know fanon is really pervasive about this idea that the Brobot was on the list of sexual aggressors, but the only real implication the canon itself makes is that it was doing tame proposals and handholds like this. That’s what Jake is referring to. It becomes problematic for him, but only because of the AR’s taunting and the fact that he and Dirk can’t figure out how to talk about it. Brain Ghost Dirk makes some comments to this effect, however--likely reflecting the way the AR has messed with Jake’s head and successfully made him conflate the way the AR sees him and the way Dirk sees him. Even after the AR stops being an active presence in Jake’s life, it still makes its impact known through BGD’s characterization.

We also have no reason to believe Dirk even knows Brain Ghost Dirk exists, let alone has any active say in what he says or how he acts, either. BGD is, after all, predominantly Jake’s brain--and thus a reflection of, at best, how he THINKS Dirk sees him.

Note how even though Jake fully expects Brain Ghost Dirk to make lascivious and leery comments to him, he never expects Brain Ghost Dirk to try to touch him in a way he doesn’t want to be touched. On top of that, In fact, Jake makes a point of noting that Dirk is more conscientious towards him than either the AR or Brain Ghost Dirk:

And then, of course Jane literally threatens Jake with sexual slavery (while corrupted by an evil supercomputer):

So yeah, Jake is pretty uncomfortable with being seen as sexy by the time Aranea gets to him. It wouldn’t be unreasonable if the idea of being seen as sexy--or even just wearing short shorts--was ruined for him completely.

It wouldn’t even be unreasonable if his image of Dirk was tarnished, even though Dirk wasn’t really responsible for what was happening any more than he was. But different people respond to trauma differently. And once Aranea objectifies him completely and renders him a tool--literally lightning him up and making it so ALL EYES are on him right when Jake feels most exposed and vulnerable, Jake responds in a pretty peculiar way.

With his Hope powers unlocked, Jake could theoretically do anything. Send hordes of angels to attack, make himself invisible, bring Grandma back from the dead...given what Jake actually ends up doing, it doesn’t make much sense to imagine arbitrary limits on his power. Because what Jake does when he needs to feel safe is make his imaginary friend real.

Again: Making something fake real is, by definition, pretty much the hardest thing to do--both in real life, and to convey compellingly narratively.

Even Jake teleporting his grandma from the past and reviving her to come protect him would be more reasonable a storytelling move than Jake being able to create matter and a personality out of thin air. You would only need Time and Space powers to theoretically pull of that absurd feat, so it would technically be possible to accomplish.

Making your imaginary friend real, though? That’s completely impossible for everyone, everywhere. Except for Jake English.

But Jake English can do anything, which means what we actually does reflects not only what he wants, but what he wants MORE than anything else possible to him. And what he wants is Dirk Strider, coming to his rescue and keeping him safe from his latest aggressor. Kinda like Brobot always protected Jake from feeling unsafe when he was threatened:

Brain Ghost Dirk even calls himself Jake’s boyfriend, and this is after Dirk broke up with him and he worried about not being able to love anyone:

And right before Dirk breaks them off, while Jake is in trickster form and completely uninhibited, he confesses feelings to Dirk and makes a point to note he was willing to be romantically involved with him:

And luckily, as for his relationship with his shorts, Jake had a good pal give him some advice and boost his self-confidence:

And over the course of [S] Credits, Jake apparently patches things up enough with Dirk that they’re living together and can comfortably fight for fun like he always wanted. On top of that, he’s recovered his confidence in his image enough that he can act out the sexy superhero fantasy he loved so much:

Both his relationship with Dirk and his relationship with his body are sorted out, and Jake’s now happy and comfortable with himself. How it happened, exactly? Who knows--there’s as many different ways it could’ve gone down as you can imagine. But the fact is, it did. And it was laid out this way from the beginning. What’s the exact nature of Dirk and Jake’s arrangement? Not really relevant. What we know is that they’re living together, that Jake was always willing to have a relationship with him and that never stopped being a thing, and that Jake trusts Dirk with his safety over literally anything else. What we know is that they’re best friends and mutually romantically interested in each other, whether or not they decide to pursue that. We also know Jake always liked dressing sexy so long as he was safe and didn’t have to worry about people dehumanizing him. And in this new world, he can do that as much as he wants, too:

Anyway Jake English is the best character in Homestuck and he’s happy with his boyfriend Dirk canonically, and he’s also happy and comfortable with his body while doing it because that was never the issue when he was with Dirk. Tomorrow I should be following this up with one last Jake post--this one talking about how Jake is way way smarter than everyone thinks he is. You know. Except for Dirk, who explicitly knows Jake is smart. After that, we can move on to Roxy. If you’re interested in my writing, I’m also working on a youtube series aiming to make Homestuck understandable to a broad audience you can find here. Next episode should be dropping before the end of the weekend.

See you again soon. Keep Rising.

#Homestuck #Jake English #Page of Hope #Dirk Strider #My MSPA Analysis #long post #Dirkjake

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randrvstheworld · 6 years

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36 hours in Puno, the longest day & life aboard the emotional rollercoaster

Since my last post, I have spent a glorious day & a half in Puno, home of the Peruvian side of Lake Titicaca; survived 24 straight hours of travelling to Brazil, encompassing the world’s most long & boring layover in Lima airport, & now find myself, suffering acute loneliness & sadness in Rio, of all places.

Let’s start with Puno. The town itself is a bit of a shithole, riddled as it is with trash & mangy stray dogs & half finished buildings & piles of rubble in the street. It is, however, lively, truly a town that never sleeps. We arrived after a long bus journey, late afternoon 3 (? 4? I don’t know anymore) days ago, shattered, & managed a plate of noodles before promptly conking out. The next day was one of my favourites so far. We took an outrigger canoe - a kind of frankenboat hybrid of a catamaran, viking long boat & gondola - out across Lake Titicaca to the floating islands of Uros. It was a beautiful day, & the fantastic views & sunlight glittering off the water more than made up for the somewhat stagnant smell of the lake at the point of embarkation (it improved the further into the lake we rowed). The lake is surrounded on all sides by undulating mountains, & is smattered with thickets of reeds & other small islands, populated by llamas. The sky was a perfect blue & peppered with fluffy looking clouds. The lake itself is home to many different types of birds, including some blue-beaked breed of duck that constantly dives underwater for fish - if only I had David Attenborough on constant hand to help me identify all these exotic kinds of wildlife. They were not mallards. And that is officially as far as my knowledge of different types of duck extends.

So we rowed, across the vast lake, as I half hoped, half dreaded seeing a human hand bobbing about below the surface. A fascination with mafia movies has left me with the assumption that all lakes are secretly riddled with dead bodies rolled up in Persian rugs. But alas - or perhaps, gratefully - my day was free of macabre underwater discoveries. We rowed for about 45 minutes out into the lake to the floating community of Islas de los Uros - a collection of man-made islands that host many indigenous people, who have lived in communities such as these, completely self-sufficiently, for hundreds of years. We visited one small island where we met a delightful native woman named Melina who explained, with the help of a translator as on the islands the people still speak indigenous languages & not Spanish, how the islands are made. Basically they harvest the big blocks of roots from the water reeds, poke sticks through the middle of each one & then lash them together. Then begins the constant process of laying dry reeds over the top & tamping them down. People are invited for sports days when new islands are built as the constant running around of people playing football - what else - helps flatten & compress the reeds. All the houses on the islands are built of reeds also. If you argue with your neighbours you simply saw their bit of the island off & watch them float away. We thought she was joking til she whopped out her island-cutting saw, a ginormous serrated sword specifically for the purpose of separating unsavoury characters from your island. LOL. That’ll teach you to steal my tupperware, Barbara! If only such tactics could be employed back home. I’ve definitely lived with a few people who could do with having their rooms sawn away from the rest of the flat.

People get around from island to island on these amazing boats, shaped like giant bananas, also made out of reeds. Reeds are top currency in Uros basically. The whole island network is run on solar power as obviously you can’t start fires when your house & garden is made of dry grass. They rely solely on tourism for income & make fabulous textiles by hand, from which I bought a cute piece of home decor as Melina was very hospitable, inviting us into her home & letting us try on her traditional clothes, & I felt it my duty as a traveller to give something back to her community by purchasing some handicrafts. Trying on her clothes was one of my favourite bits - I got a beautifully embroidered felt jacket with puffy sleeves, an incredibly heavy layered felt skirt, a straw hat, & a string of pom-poms that were strewn around my neck but would traditionally worn at the end of long braids. I got decked out in extremely bright colours because I am single - when a woman gets married she is relegated to dark, sombre shades of brown & black & grey which I found quite sad but also interesting as it clearly a reflection of the natural world where animals display colourful patterns etc in order to attract a mate.

In the evening, happily, we were able to reunite with Nick & Merc again who were also in Lake Titicaca as part of their ongoing quest to seemingly stalk me around South America - not that I’m complaining. I know I have waxed lyrical about this before but I enjoy their company so much; every time we meet we have a fantastic time, sharing stories & playing cards & laughing our asses off & I always leave in a great mood, nattering on to Roxy and/or Lucy about how cool they are & how happy I am that we have met. We traded some movies off our respective hard-drives & made plans for film nights back in London when we are all eventually back there. I honestly can’t wait to see them again.

The next day it was up at the frankly gruesome hour of 4am for the first of our two flights of the day, from Juliaca (the closest airport to Puno) to Lima, whereby we suffered through a soul-destroying 12 hour layover before boarding our night flight to Rio. At first it was quite fun because I like airports & enjoy the challenge of seeing how long I can eke out the consumption of a single overpriced muffin at an airport cafe in order to exploit their free wifi. I have also never been in an airport so close to Christmas & it was utterly teeming with people, going to & from their homes for the holidays. The novelty of the airport having worn off quite quickly I decided to kill some time watching a movie, & to make the most of a new film obtained from Nick & Merc, & in an attempt to imbue myself with some festive spirit I decided to watch Love Actually, & that’s when my mood took a sudden & unexpected nosedive & I fell head-first into a deep well of sadness that I am struggling to extricate myself from. It was all the footage of people greeting their loved ones at the airport, followed by live-action viewing of actual real life people greeting their loved ones at the actual real life airport with balloons & banners & bouquets that set me off. I felt so lonely I cried for about half an hour. I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that all of my family are having a lovely time in Devon, with a beautifully decorated tree & an excitable dog & I suddenly needed a mum-hug so badly that I couldn’t stand it. We boarded our flight that thanks to time-difference saw us land at what was the equivalent of 3am & I was jet-lagged & sweaty & depressed. We eventually arrived at our hostel this morning & I have spent the day intermittently napping, fretting about money, crying & feeling generally miserable.

Here’s the thing about travelling - everyone you talk to constantly bangs on about how awesome it is that if you feel sad whilst travelling it is almost like you can’t admit t to anyone. It has been my dream for so long to see the world & I planned & I saved & I quit my job but the truth of the matter is it is exhausting, physically & emotionally, & lonely as fuck. The upsides are epic & the things I have seen & experienced fantastic but, it is also the most depressed I have felt in many years; my mental well-being does not do well with a lack of stability & although not especially exciting, my life in London was pretty fulfilling - my job wasn’t the best but I have a wonderful, supportive network of friends there & had finally achieved a balance of finding plenty of time in-between work for all the things that make me happy, like dancing & art. This trip has really made me question myself & things that I thought I knew & perhaps it was naive of me to think that travelling would automatically make me a happy person. It’s crushing to realise that even when I am seeing & experiencing wonderful things that it’s a constant effort to keep the negative thoughts at bay. And I feel guilty for even thinking these things because I don’t want to waste the opportunity that so many people would kill for, or that I have dreamed of for so long, & I certainly don’t want to look back on it & think, ‘oh yeah that was that mountain I went up when I felt fucking miserable’. But no one talks about it, which along with the separation from your friends & family, only contributes to your feelings of intense loneliness. Lucy has been a source of great comfort during these periods of sadness; I have been talking to her a lot as I really feel she truly understands what I’m going through, she said she experienced similar feelings when she was in Asia. I don’t regret coming & would still describe it as the time of my life but the truth is that travelling is an emotional rollercoaster & I am really not finding it easy. I feel like maybe to travel for this long on my first trip was perhaps a slightly overly-ambitious plan. I may have found it easier starting off with a small chunk of say, 3 months & working up from there. For this reason, I am not sad about the prospect of coming home sooner than anticipated. I can always plan & go on more trips but I want these feelings to go away, I need a break from them more than I need to continue travelling for as long as possible in this moment. I have achieved so much of what I set out to do & this makes me happy, but I truly feel like I need a break in which to restore myself. I need love & nurturing & familiarity, at least for a while before I can set off again.

As always during trying times, my mum is truly there for me & I am more grateful for her constant support than I will ever be able to truly express. Hannah also arrives tomorrow & I know it will be so great for my soul to see my best friend. Ultimately, this too shall pass & I do know that; but whenever things aren’t great it always makes being away from home so much harder. It is a real test of my mettle to get through these periods & I know in the long run it will make me a stronger & more capable person so that’s what I’m trying to focus on.

#travelling #travel diary #peru #brazil

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