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ialwaysknewyouwerepunk · 3 years

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fearless - a close reading

this is louis speaking from the heart, getting so honest it hurts. good thing these lyrics are not directed at me bc wow i would be brittle. it’s louis the strong leader shining through, the wise older brother who gently offers advice when someone he cares about is going in the wrong direction. yea ig i did that sorry

i care about this one a lot, and genuinely it’s just another fucking banger, so here we go.

walls, track 8

*playground noises*

Cash in your weekend treasures For a suit and tie, a second wife

(another inconsistency with louis’s album booklet: there it says “cashing” - imp “cash in” makes the most sense, since otherwise there wouldn’t be a sentence)

“weekend treasures” - earns money over the weekend? has fun? good experiences? or is it sarcastic and is “you” just escaping for the sake of it

“cash in”: exchange your fun life for the one in a suit with a wife - living a double life

“suit and tie”: trope of the businessman with the family living a lie (- she)

superficial - looks, image of someone who has their shit together

Now I’m not saying that you could’ve done better Just remember that I, I’ve seen that fire alight

i’m saying you can be better though. i’m an old friend, i know you, and i can see now that your fire has been extinguished

Tell me, do you, tell me, do you still remember feeling young? Tell me the truth, tell me, do you still remember feeling young

conversation; louis is pressing the matter gently, repeating his question with added “tell me the truth” bc “you” is lying, to louis and to themselves

“you” can live a lie all they want but louis sees through it and won’t take them lying to him too. louis wants to get the truth out of them in order to help them

always “young” - old friends, lifelong experiences

And strong enough to get it wrong in front of all these people?

“you” is not being strong atm, though they used to be

“enough” - implies that the challenges and expectations are high and it takes a lot of strength to handle them

“you” is afraid to fail, and though they used to be resilient enough to get back up when it did happen, they lost that will to fight

“all these people” - who are they? an audience, watching? people judging them? “these” also implies they’re still there, and also that they’re close to/ (perhaps) watching louis - otherwise he would’ve used “those”

general “they” on walls, always with the eerie connotation of people judging, exercising influence

“wonder what they’d say if they could see us now” - wmi

“don’t know why they put all of this on us when we’re so young” - wmi

“when they said a love like this would never last” - too young

“and they’ll say, ‘i told you so’” - only the brave

Just for tonight, look inside and spark that memory of you Strong enough to get it wrong in front of all these people

stop ignoring yourself, for once

this person has thoroughly lost themselves: they need to spark the memory first, since that “you” is buried so deep down

“spark” - “fire alight”: keeping up the metaphor of this person’s personality and life force as fire, burning bright

Fearless, fearless Fearless, fearless

remember when you were fearless?

come on, babe, let’s be strong, proud, happy

Now if happiness is always measured By the life you design, that car on the drive

a life by design: fake

material possessions won’t bring you happiness, although “you” seems to be chasing happiness in that direction - got priorities wrong

louis’s own mentality about happiness shining through: it’s all about staying true to yourself, that’s when you’re truly happy

Then you should feel better than ever But you know as well as I, it’s all lies

“we’re in the same boat” - louis knows about this side of life: trying to chase happiness through wealth + living a lie

the life you have as a celebrity is not real: the riches, the attention, the stories; but “you” has lost sight of that, lost themselves in it - started living the lie without staying grounded in their real self, like they used to

implication that a celebrity always leads a double life, no matter what, and the way to stay sane is to keep that split in check, keep those lives separate

Tell me, do you, tell me, do you still remember feeling young?

SYNTHESIS

In Louis’s own track by track, he stays very close to the lyrics (for once) when explaining what the song is about. Additionally, our Peter Pan says that it’s about “encouraging youth and a little bit of recklessness.” *act my age starts playing*

This definitely reminds me of Louis’s relationship with a certain someone, but I’ll leave that in the middle. (There’s so many interpretations that I won’t interfere with your own findings, or my own future findings for that matter. I’d honestly love to hear whatever you think about this song!!)

In any case, Fearless is interesting in how it tells a story about someone else, someone Louis is speaking to and knows well, while it reveals a lot about Louis too. This “you” that has lost their way, lost their spark, has gone down a path that Louis could have gone down too, and maybe he almost did, or even tried out for a bit. Louis is full of patience and understanding, because he knows how hard it can be. He also knows, and says, that it’s necessary to keep re-evaluating yourself and what you’re doing in order to not get lost. He knows how easy it is to lose yourself and lose sight of what really makes you happy. It’s what he’s been singing about throughout the entire album.

Here, his friend, who he’s talking to as if he’s an older brother, almost, seems to have given up the fight without meaning to. What that fight is, in specifics, is something we’ll never know, of course, but Louis is still very revealing. Money, a second wife? If there’s one thing celebrities have said is how easy it is to lose yourself once you’re in the limelight. The attention, the money, the whirlwind of press surrounding you, a manufactured image to keep fans and labels/... as happy as possible... it sounds like hell to try to stay sane. If you have a network of people around you who genuinely care about your wellbeing, you might succeed in keeping your feet on the ground, but not everyone is that lucky. “They” might not have your best interests at heart, which is something Louis seems to have a lot of experience with.

Being a celebrity and staying sane as a someone in the public eye involves this image that’s all lies, but Louis seems to be saying that there’s no way around it. He’s definitely been vocal about how the industry is full of shitty experiences, Copy of a Copy of a Copy as a loud example of that, but he might be saying that the public image, the front that the fans and outsiders believe in, is necessary to be able to maintain some sanity, privacy, happiness.

What “you” has been doing, though, is leaning into that life, that image, that focuses only on material wealth, looks, having the picture-perfect job and relationship, and has lost of who they are along the way. And Louis, their friend since a long time, is asking them to calm the fuck down and use their brain for just one second to see if they can even remember who they used to be. (Honestly, if someone would ask me that? If I could spark the memory of me? I would burst into tears and sob until I was dehydrated. Seriously wtf.)

So, I definitely think there is truth in what Louis said in his track by track, but it digs a little deeper than just asking his friend to take life less seriously. As usual.

I hope the person who this song was directed to got the message and perhaps also made the decision to spend some more time with his old friend Tommo, bc he’s on the right side of things here. (As I think he usually is.) And he’s got their back.

#fearless #lyric analysis #walls analysis #i enjoyed this one very much <3 #such a good song with such great lyrics #also keep in mind that i'm purposefully only hinting at who this might be about bc really i have no idea #it's just a feeling #and it fits for me and that's how i like to roll yk #my brain my reality #anyways let me know what you think!!!

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evermoreparker · 3 years

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Last Words

A/n: Hey :) so this fic has been in my head for way too long, I plan on turning this into a series, so this is the first part of my next work. Reblogs are extremely appreciated!! 💖💖 Hope you enjoy reading this!!

Warnings: major character death, grief and I think that's it?

Word count: 1.4 k

Last words are overrated, it doesn't matter what someone said to you before they passed away, what really matters is their actions when they were alive. That's something you could never forget.

For Peter they were perfect, not the usual kind of last words people wanted to hear from their loved ones, but it was the last he heard your voice.

It's funny how we never know when our life is about to turn upside down, it's funny how it's so easy to believe in love when you are just a kid, but then you grow up, and it's like they've been feeding you up with lies the whole time. And it's funny how you two hadn't the slightest idea about how your lives were about to change the moment you sat next to a cute guy at the movies.

Having just broken up with your boyfriend, you find yourself wandering the streets of Manhattan in hope of anything that doesn't remind you of love, or your ex.

The universe has a way of putting two people in the right place at the right time, and that was what happened when you chose to watch a movie with zero love, a horror one, with gruesome details, that shit it's not for everyone, at least that was what you thought.

It was a boring monday afternoon, so it was normal that there were just four people watching the movie with you, but one of them caught your attention at first sight. The butterflies in your stomach were begging you to talk to him, but you convinced yourself that love wasn't for you, not for now, at least. That's one of those stupid things you say before meeting "the one", it's like the universe telling you: "ok, now that I know you can't handle more shitty relationships, here's this person that you've been looking for your whole life."

And honestly, it was worth it. You didn't have to talk to the cute guy looking as miserable as you were because he did that for you.

"Hey" he smiled. "Having a bad day?" And if he didn't have the sweetest eyes you've ever seen, (yea I'm quoting Your Song and what about it?) you would've punched him in the face, considering that every guy in NY has a lame pick up line that they read on facebook when they were thirteen. But the cute guy seemed genuinely concerned.

"Yea, just thinking that the world hates me" you shrugged while drinking the rest of your soda.

"I get that. Sorry though, mondays fucking suck" he giggled and you could've sworn it was the sweetest sound in the world. You'd give everything to hear that noise again.

After that Peter invited you for a drink, at 4 p.m, because, well, mondays did suck and getting drunk with a hot guy couldn't go wrong. Actually, it can. But that was not the case here, since we are talking about the best listener in the world and the most talkative person on a date, just like you.

Time goes on, and it's crazy how you never know when what's about to happen next in your life. And for you, it was his proposal, first time you found out you were pregnant, the second time you found out you were pregnant... But for Peter it was all that and having to deal with the pain of losing the love of his life.

When he got your voice-mail asking to pick up your daughter from school, he would've never guessed that that was the last time he would ever hear your voice.

"Hey babe, please pick up Anna from school today. Also, Ben needs to do the dishes like he promised me he would. Oh, and before I forget, I love you so much." He could see your smile saying those three words he loved so much. "And get your socks out of our bedroom floor, seriously Peter, you are lucky you are cute."

That was the sound he replayed more than his favorite song.

The day you died he was so angry at the universe for bringing him this amazing girl and taking her away from him way too fast. But he wasn't on his own anymore, he had the two best things you had given him, and they gave him the strength to carry on. No matter how many months went by, he would always go to a quiet place and talk to you, like he knew you were there, it’s like you were everywhere he knew you loved.

"Funny how you are usually the one doing all the talking, but now it's me" He tried to laugh through his tears while sitting on your favorite bench,(well, now his too), at entral park.

"Shit, I wish we could've done so much more together. Wish you could've changed the world, like you always wanted you. Wish that we could go on road-trips with Anna and Ben." Peter says as he looks up at the sky, just wishing he had just a little more time with you. Just one more smile, one more kiss and he would feel better. At least he thought so.

"I have no idea if I sound crazy talking to the wind, but for me it's like you are always here. I don't think I've told you about why I was at the movies when we met. And you didn’t ask, not even when we started dating, because you always respected my boundaries." Peter says while trying to dry his tears that keeps blurring his vision. "It was my uncle Ben's death anniversary and it was the worst date of every year for me. I hated myself for what happened. Yeah, yeah I know it wasn't my fault’’ He says like he knew what you were gonna say if you were there. You always showed and told Peter how amazing he is, and that’s ok not to carry the world on his shoulders. ‘’But anyway, I had to stop thinking about that, horror movies did the trick for me. And there you were" he smiled while looking at the horizon imagining you were there with him. "I saw your puffy eyes and I knew I wasn't the only one having a bad day, and as you said, 'It's not a bad life, it's just a bad day', pretty sure you stole that from Louis Tomlinson but that's okay. And I had that feeling when you are on a roller coaster and the drop is about to come, but I had no fear of falling. That's what you made me feel, that’s what you still make me feel, whenever the world was cruel to me, I had you. Yes, I stole that from Queen.’’

Peter laughs knowing that you’d have loved how he quoted your favorite song, but now it was his. Basically every single thing Peter had before being with you was now yours, including his heart. And you were his. Fuck ‘Til death do us part’. You both were sure that what you had, what you still have, wouldn’t be gone so easily. It was like you two were destined to be together, maybe you still are in another life.

‘’And I miss the way you would wake me up with kisses all over my face, unless we had a fight the night before." He laughs. "You looked so cute when you were angry, I just wanted to hug you and kiss you because, fuck, how did I get so fucking lucky? And eventually I did, it was impossible to get mad at you, I blame your puppy eyes for that. That was my thing, you know? But I would let you steal anything you want from me, because we were even, you had my heart and I had yours. That was all I could possibly need." Peter says while crying even harder. "I miss you so much. We all do. And you'll always be in my heart, you know that."

Peter picked the kids from school, and it was like you never left. There were little pieces of you in Ben and Anna. For example, the way Anna always fought for what she believed was right, or your beautiful eyes in Ben and the way he had your smile. He was not alone, and he knew he could always be with you in his dreams.

#peter parker × reader #peter parker angst #peter parker × you #peter parker fluff #tom holland angst

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all-the-kpop-imagines · 4 years

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WayV Reaction: Their Significant Other Is Older Than Them and Is Insecure About It

GOOD MORNING/AFTERNOON/EVENING! It’s Admin Jihyeon here! This is not a request from one of you but rather a request from Admin Jia. Considering both of us are older than five of the members........hope you enjoy!

A fan made comments on a recent Instagram post about y/n’s age and you are now feeling insecure and anxious for being older than your boyfriend. (you are only like 3 years older than them.) Your boyfriend and you are hanging out and he sees you upset and asks you why.

Kun

As Kun walked into your apartment he immediately noticed the quiet. Normally there was some sort of sound playing. He narrowed his eyes and set the take out on the counter before he decided to go find you. “y/n? You here? I brought your favorite take out, extra sauce this time. I didn’t forget.” He waited a moment as he walked to the living room. When you didn’t answer he sighed and made his way up the stairs to your loft. “I know you’re here y/n, you texted me 20 minutes ago that you were here.” He said as he climbed. When he reached the loft he frowned upon seeing your curled up figure laying on your bed, the occasional sniffle sounding. “y/n, is everything okay? Why are you crying?” He asked as he climbed onto your bed behind you. You refused to turn around, feeling anxious. You had been scrolling on Instagram and saw the comments on the photo Kun had posted to his profile of the two of you. “It’s nothing.” You mumbled and wiped your eye. “I don’t believe you.” He commented and you sighed before turning around on your back. “The fans are just at it again.” You told him and he frowned again. “Really? I’ve told them to be nicer about us being together and that you make me happy.” He told you and you looked at your hands. “Does it bother you that I’m 3 years older than you?” You asked him after a few moments, not looking up from your hands. “Why would it?” He asked you as he reached out to grab your hands. “I don’t know. You’re 24, I’m 27.” You muttered. “And? It doesn’t matter to me that you’re older than me, I still love you. You make me laugh and are there when I vent about things that stress me out. Age is just a number y/n.” He smiled at you. “The fans seem to have an issue with it.” “Well the fans are not the ones in our relationship.” He told you with a smile. “You’re right.” You smiled back. “Okay, let’s go eat before the food gets cold.” He said as he stood up and held a hand out to you.

Ten

Music played over the speakers as you sat on the floor against the wall. Ten was practicing a routine and you sitting in the practice room with him was the only time you had to be together because of your schedules. A sigh left your chest as you shifted in your seat, pulling your phone out and going to Instagram. You smiled when you saw the notification that Ten had posted a picture of the two of you and Louis. But the smile soon fell as you glanced at the comments. More than one of them were about how much older than Ten you looked and how he should be with someone closer to his age. It got worse the further you scrolled and soon enough you felt a tear fall down your cheek. You were so caught up in the comments that you hadn’t heard the music stop nor had you heard your boyfriend calling your name. It was only when he was knelt in front of you with his hand on your arm did you look up. “Why are you crying?” He asked and you sighed. “Remind me to never go to the comment section of anything ever.” You handed your phone to him. He looked at the screen and sighed before sitting down. “In your defense, I took the picture at like 11pm after we both had long days at work. You also had taken off your makeup AND were in pajamas.” He chuckled and looked up at you. “Does it bother you? That I’m older?” You asked and he scoffed with a chuckle. “No. I like it. We can have more intellectual conversations that I would if I were with someone younger than me.” He smiled and reached forward to pull you into his lap. “To be honest, I forget you’re older than me most of the time.” He chuckled again and rubbed your arms.

WinWin

You walked into your apartment, laughing with WinWin as the two of you took off your shoes and made your way further into the apartment. “I’ll be right back.” He told you before he disappeared down the hallway. You smiled and leaned against the counter. It had been a long day at work for the two of you and all you wanted was to watch a movie and relax with your boyfriend. You made your way over to your couch and sat down, pulling your phone out and going to Instagram like you do every day. As you scrolled, you saw a recent post that WinWin had posted. A smile formed on your face at the candid picture he had taken without your knowledge. You went to scroll away but your attention was caught by the top comment, one attacking you and how you are older than him. A sigh left your chest as you clicked on the comments and continued to read, each comment agreeing with the first and some getting worse.After a few minutes you wiped your eye and set your phone down, pulling your knees to your chest. Winwin walked back out into the living area and smiled at you. “What movie do we wanna watch tonight?” He asked as he sat down beside you and wrapped his arm around you. “Am I too old for you?” You asked and he raised an eyebrow at you. “No...why?” He asked and you sighed. “Because your fans seem to think I am.” Another sigh left you and you looked at your hands. “Where did you see this? Wayzenni’s don’t know how old you are.” He said and you shrugged. “Check your insta.” You said and he immediately pulled out his phone. As he looked through the comments his face fell. “Look, I know you’re older than me but I don’t care. You make me happy and that’s all that matters okay?” He asked as he pulled you into his side. “Now, pick a movie y/n. Comedy perhaps?”

Lucas

You sat on Lucas’ bed at the WayV dorm, blanket pulled up to your nose with one hand as your other held your phone, scrolling through the comment section of Lucas’ newest Instagram post. A lot of the comments were about how you were older than Lucas. When you two first started dating, that was something that you were nervous about. Now, months into your relationship you had come to love it. But seeing the comments brought back all the fears you once had, leading to tears falling down your cheeks. The door to the room opened and you jumped slightly, tossing your phone down and curling up in the bed. “I tried my best, but all I could get my hands on was toast and jelly. I hope that-” Lucas paused as he set the plate down and looked at you. “You okay?” He asked and when you didn’t answer, he glanced at your phone next to you, screen still on and showing the comments. He carefully picked up the phone and sat down as he read the comments. He sighed before glancing at you. “Hey, what internet trolls say doesn’t matter okay? I don’t care about the age difference.” He told you as he rubbed your arm. “But your fans do.” You spoke quietly. “And your fans are important.” “They are, yes, but to me the only ones that i consider real fans are the ones who support all of us in whatever we do.” He told you and smiled. “How did they even find out my age? I’m not a celebrity and my social media is all private.” You mumbled and rolled onto your side. “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” He said as he laid beside you.

Xiaojun

Worry was etched onto Xiaojun’s face as he walked up the stairs to your apartment. He hadn’t heard from you over the last few days. He would have come sooner but his schedule didn’t allow him. But now he has time and he was going to see what was going on. As he entered your apartment, he raised an eyebrow. It was dark and there was a movie playing on the TV but he didn’t see you. He slipped off his shoes and closed the door quietly as he looked around. Then he heard footsteps coming down the stairs and he walked over to you. “Hey.” He started and you blinked at him before looking at the floor. “Why are you here Xiao?” You asked as you pushed past him to sit on the couch. “You haven’t been answering my texts or phone calls. I was worried. Is everything okay?” He asked and you swallowed. “Everything is fine.” You mumbled. “I don’t believe you.” He told you as he sat down and grabbed your hand. “It doesn’t matter.” You said and he scoffed. “Whatever it is, it’s upsetting you. Did I do something?” He asked and you sighed. “Yeah, you posted that picture of us on your Instagram.” You blurted and he furrowed his eyebrows. “I posted a picture? That’s why you’re upset? I can take it down if you want.” He said, trying to make you feel better. “Deleting the post isn’t going to erase the comments I’ve read from my mind.” You finally admitted and he blinked. “What are the comments saying?” “That I am too old for you. Do you think I’m too old for you?” You asked and he chuckled. “You’re like 3 years older than me. I like to forget that fact because I know you struggle with it so I just want to make it seem like we don’t care about age.” He shrugged and you stared at him before a smile cracked on your face. “I guess 24 isn’t a bad age.” You shrugged.

Hendery

Walking hand in hand, Hendery smiled behind his mask. Finally the two of you were going on a date and he was more than excited for it. You’d only been dating for a few months now but he was sure you were the one. As you walked into a cafe, he led you to a table before going to get the coffee. When he reached the table, he took one glance at you and he furrowed his eyebrows. “What’s going on?” He asked before sitting down and staring at your now tear stained face. “Does me being older than you bother you at all?” You asked him quietly and he stared at you. “Why would it?” He asked. “I don’t know. It kind of makes sense that it would. You’re only 21, I’m 24. You are young and have your whole career ahead of you.” You pouted and set your phone down. “And you do too? 3 years is basically nothing y/n. Where is this coming from?” He asked you and you sighed. “Just comments on a post on Instagram.” You shrugged and he pushed your coffee over by you. “Well, the way I see it is that I am happy, you are happy, we enjoy one another’s company, and we support each other. Age shouldn’t be a factor, unless you were underage, then we’d have a problem.” He smiled at you and you let your face relax. He always knew what to say to make you feel better.

YangYang

You sat on his bed, quietly scrolling through Instagram as he and Xiaojun played yet another video game. The two had been at it for hours now. Not that you minded all that much, just being able to be near YangYang was enough for you. With your schedules being so demanding, any second you could be with him was plenty. But that content feeling quickly dissipated as you glanced at the comments on a recent post of his. A lot of the comments were targeted toward you and how you are so much older than him, some even trying to guess your age and being incredibly wrong. After a few minutes of scrolling, you set your phone down and pulled your knees to your chest to hide your face. But it didn’t work because YangYang turned around to ask you a question and the second he saw your position, he set the controller down and walked over by you, Xiaojun taking a glance before leaving to get a snack. “y/n? What’s wrong?” He asked and you sighed. “Do I really look that much older than you?” You asked and he sat down in front of you. “What do you mean? You look like y/n.” He smiled and you rolled your eyes. “Your fans seem to think I’m in my 30s.” You sighed and he let out a laugh. “You’re not though. You’re 23. Barely older than me.” He shrugged. “Does it bother you though?” You asked and he shook his head. “Nope. Does it bother you?” He asked back and you smiled. “No, I can use the elder card on you.” You said and he nodded. “Exactly. Now come on old lady, let’s go get a snack.” He held his hand out to you.

#WayV #NCT #kun #ten #chittaphon leechaiyapornkul #winwin #lucas #xiaojun #hendery #yang #sm entertainment #sm ent #kpop #wayv reactions #wayv scenarios #all-the-kpop-imagines

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veliusthewanderer · 3 years

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Louis and Roger on Afghanistan

In my last post, I introduced two fictional characters, Louis and Roger, who are on opposite sides of the political spectrum. Louis is a progressive, liberal Democrat and Roger is a by-the-book diehard MAGA conservative. I had thought that it would be some time before I put these two into a debate, but the situation in Afghanistan has changed dramatically-- Roger: Damn Biden. We should be crushing the Taliban once and for all! Already ISIS is establishing a base in that godforsaken country. VTW: Roger, you're not allowed to just interrupt me when I'm trying to set up the debate. Roger: Why you're even bothering is unknown. You've been nothing but a Commie toadstool since 2012 and likely longer. Louis: Mr Robertson, its still rude to interrupt. Please allow our host to finish and open the floor for debate. *Watches as Roger folds his arms across his chest and huffs* VTW: As I was saying, the situation there has changed dramatically. The Taliban have begun celebrating the withdrawal of US troops-they would likely call it a retreat-and Biden will soon give an address explaining the situation. While this address has yet to happen, I would like to open the floor to discuss the ramifications for Afghanistan, America, and the overall war on terrorism. Now, since Roger interrupted my opening, the first exchange will begin with Louis. Louis: I feel as though no matter how its explained, no matter how logical it is, the Right will simply go on their propaganda networks and Twitter and Facebook and decry the decision as being Biden's fault. As my colleague has just demonstrated, the Too-Far-Right will immediately start calling for Biden's impeachment. Roger: That;s because he NEEDS to be impeached! How many Afghan translators and their families, not to mention the Americans still in that country have been left behind! Biden has committed a grave injustice and he should be made to pay for it! Louis: You'd impeach Biden for your buck teeth Roger: HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT MY TEETH! VTW: Gentlemen, settle down and get back to topic Louis: I'm sorry. VTW: Roger, do you think the Right will call for impeachment of Biden? Roger: If they dont, they're RINOs! Marjorie-Taylor-Greene and Lauren Boebert should lead the charge to get Biden out of office. Louis: And you propose Trump return? Roger: HELL YEA! He's the only one could can clean up the mess Biden's causing. Louis: Never mind that Trump made the devil's deal with the Taliban without consulting the Afghan provisional government...a government we supported for 20 years. Roger: Ahh, you accuse us of trying to distort the facts, yet here you are trying to do the same thing. Trump did NOT do a deal with the Taliban! VTW: To be fair, he did invite them to Camp David, and I highly doubt it was for a summer vacation. Nearly all the Republicans supported that move. Louis: And those same Repubs are now attacking Biden for following up on what Trump had started at Camp David, along with Pompeo. There's photographic proof. Roger: Bull! That's doctored up. That wasnt Pompeo it was the guy who was Secretary of State during Obama's presidency. VTW: Moving on, what do you think is the future of Afghanistan now that the Taliban are back and the US is out? Louis: It remains to be seen. They say they wish to be more respectable in terms of the treatment of women, but past experience has shown that the hardliners among the Taliban will push to enforce Islamic Law again. Its why many Afghans are trying to leave the country. I suspect in some point in the future, we will likely return in force becaise of ISIS-K and the likelihood of an alliance with the Taliban. Roger: Mark my words, we WILL be back. And I say this time we need to get the job DONE. Turn that country into a colony of America, take their oil, crush their drug trade, liberate their women and Christianize the whole lot of them! Louis: If Buddhism couldnt survive in Afghanistan, what makes you think Christianity would fare better? Roger: We do what the Spanish used to do with the Natives....convert or die. There will be NO

other options. VTW: That's getting into a whole different topic and this is also veering into an area I never went to even when I raged on the GOP. Roger: You have no balls, that's why. VTW: You and I will have to have a talk after this, about proper behavior. Okay, my last question for whoever is brave enough to take it is, does this situation bring about a setback in the overall war on terrorism, and if so, how bad a setback? Roger: Hello?? Can you say 9/11?? How do you think Al-Qaida launched those attacks on us that day? The Taliban gave them aid and comfort! ISIS-K is wanting to do the same thing, and the Taliban have yet to show us they're dedicated to keeping terrorists out. Biden's folly will bring about another, more lethal terror attack on US soil, maybe this time using bioweapons or nukes. Louis: I do agree this is a setback, but we still have allied nations close to the country with airbases. We're still engaged against Al-Qaida and ISIS. While it is possible that ISIS-K will get a foothold in Afghanistan now that we're gone, if the Taliban remember nothing else, they'll remember what happened the last time they sheltered a terrorist group within their borders. Even the hardliners in the Taliban would not wish to invoke the wrath of America yet again when they've seen our troops off just moments ago. VTW: Thank you both for a spirited discussion. And a reminder that just because I host these two gentlemen does not mean I have left blogging behind. I will continue my own rants as things happen. So until they do, I wish you all a good day.

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talkfastcal · 4 years

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you can tell a lot about someone by the type of music they listen to 🎵🎶

rules: hit shuffle on your media player and write down the first 20 songs, then tag 10 people. no skipping!

Thank you for tagging me! @i-like-5sos

1. Long Way Home - 5SOS: Oh! I haven’t heard this song in awhile. This is one of my favorites from self titled (although I will always prefer the acoustic version) I still remember when they changed the lyrics to “white snake on the radio” during my ROWYSO show. My favorite lyric is “so we’re taking the long way home cause I don’t wanna be wasting my time alone”

2. Bloody Mary - Lady Gaga: I remember the first time I heard this being 11 years old and shocked LMAO if I’m being real honest I love the beat (AND THE BASS) of this song. ALSO the chorus “I WONT CRY FOR YOU” is so GOOD

3. Not Warriors - Waterparks: y’all are in for a TREAT THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE WATERPARKS SONGS. I cannot just listen to this song just once. It’s always at least 3 times and it’s ALWAYS blasting (and yes I did replay it 3 times and blast it through my headphones while typing this) When the beat drops and “THERES NOTHING IN MY SYSTEM SO IM FEELING WHAT I FEEL FOR YOU” so POWERFUL!!!! My favorite lyric is “but hey for what it’s worth I think you saved my life”

4. Best Song Ever - One Direction: I still refuse to believe this song is about sex LMAO this is such a fun song to dance to though I love it. My favorite part is Niall’s solo “I said can I take you home with me, she said never in your wildest dreams”

5. Strong - One Direction: OH! FUCK! MY FAVORITE ONE DIRECTION SONG DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH THE CHORUS “IM SORRY IF I SAY I NEED YOU” I CANT I CANT. If you have not heard them acapella sing this do me a favor and go listen ITS SO GOOD ALSO! Zayn’s high note. My favorite lyric is ofc Louis’ solo “think of how much love that’s been wasted people always trying to escape it move on to stop their heart breaking but there’s nothing I’m running from, you make me strong”

6. Kids In The Dark - All Time Low: YES I LOVE THIS SONG I LOVE THIS ALBUM I LOVE THE MEANING OF THE SONG I’m not joking when I say that I found this song and this band during the hardest time in my life and this song just really hit me hard. My favorite lyric is “beautiful scars on critical veins” AND the firework pop towards the end!!!!

7. Olivia - One Direction: I will admit this song has grown on me big time post hiatus (also the fact that now I’m not hiding my sexuality from myself I can freely listen to this song without feeling ashamed) I! Love! This! Song! It’s such a cute love song!! My favorite lyric is “the summertime butterflies all belong to your creation”

8. I Love You 5 - Never Shout Never: another band I was obsessed with back in 2015 I haven’t listened to this song in awhile!! I remember loving this song though and using it everywhere. I also like in the beginning he says “I love you one a two a three shoobe-doo I love you four that’s more than I can afford”

9. Only Angel - Harry Styles: idk not much to say about this Harry song it’s not in my top 5 but it’s a good song! I like listening to it but it’s just not my favorite. My favorite lyric is “open up your eyes shut your mouth and see that I’m still the only one who’s been in love with me”

10. Viva La Vida - Coldplay: no one: - me: AHHHHHHHHH literally this song will never be the same ever since 1d performed it on xfactor. Idk what to say about this song other than the fact that I like it??? I also like 1D’s cover of it??? Yea cool. My favorite lyric is “Never an honest word but that was when I ruled the world”

11. Glitter & Crimson - All Time Low: this song has definitely grown on me since the release of wake up sunshine. ALSO THE BRIDGE! My favorite lyric is “lets start lets start a riot hard to sit still when your head’s on fire”

12. (Love Will) Turn Back The Hands Of Time - Grease 2: don’t clown me y’all but this movie and soundtrack are a guilty pleasure. I love the original grease BUT grease 2!! It’s such a stupid movie but the soundtrack is fantastic. Anyways this song is another guilty pleasure LMAO I love the whole song so I’m not picking a “favorite lyric”

13. Savior - Rise Against: OH!!!! OH!!! THIS SONG RIGHT HERE!!!! fun fact: the first time I actually heard this song was when I watched a video of someone on YouTube burning her littlest pet shops because a trade went wrong and she got scammed so she took her anger out on that. I literally forgot about this song until one day I heard it in my junior year literature class and had major deja vu. Okay anyways I love this song LMAO my favorite part is the chorus “that’s when she said I don’t hate you boy I just want to save you while there’s still something left to save. That’s when I told her I love you girl but I’m not the answer for the questions that you still have WOAH OH OH WOAH OH OHHH”

14. National Anthem - DE’WAYNE: okay THIS SONG it’s so good and it describes what it’s like growing up in America as a POC. I don’t wanna say too much about it since I’m not a POC so I know I will never fully understand the song because of my privilege but I appreciate the fuck out of this. I love the entire song I don’t have a favorite lyric

15. Your Love - Nicki Minaj: I miss this Nicki Minaj. UM not much to say about this song either??? It’s a good song and I like it?! My favorite part is the chorus OH and the outro I love it

16. Just Dance - Lady Gaga: another pop classic from my childhood alright I MEAN ITS JUST DANCE?! HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THIS SONG??? ALSO THIS LADY GAGA?! Don’t get me wrong I love the lady Gaga we have now BUT THIS ONE WILL ALWAYS BE ASSOCIATED WITH MY CHILDHOOD AND PRETEEN YEARS. I remember feeling like a badass singing this song when I was 10 years old LMAO I don’t have a favorite lyric I love the whole thing it’s a bop

17. Dear Patience - Niall Horan: Oh!! One of my favorites from Heartbreak Weather. His voice in this song is just so beautiful ugh yes. I absolutely love the chorus of this. My favorite lyric is “feels like you don’t even know me just me and the stars can get lonely”

18. San Francisco - 5sos: OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SONG ITS IN MY TOP 3 FROM SOUNDS GOOD FEELS GOOD. I hardly see anyone appreciate this song so I’m here to tell y’all: ITS A GOOD SONG?!?! have y’all listened to the live version AS WELL!!!! masterpiece. This song makes me happy especially the guitar at the beginning. My favorite lyric is “reminds me of when we were free I swear that it’s still haunting me” BUT! I do love that pre-chorus

19. They All Float - Waterparks: NICE a song from their first EP okay but I love this song it’s much heavier compared to what they sing now and that’s what I like about it. My favorite part is THE BRIDGE!!! “this is the part where you cut your losses this is the part where you get a job this is the part where you settle for less just like you never wanted to”

20. We made it finally Adrenaline - Simple Creatures: OH MY GOD THIS SONG LISTEN this is the first song I listened to from this band (which btw if y’all didn’t know is made up of Alex Gaskarth from ATL and Mark Hoppus from Blink-182) I mean while it’s more pop (which is what their intention is) ITS STILL A GOOD BAND!!! ESPECIALLY THIS SONG!! ITS SO GOOD DAMN I love the music video omfg. I’m just a sucker for dance choreography since I grew up surrounded by dance (I did competitive dance for a couple of years and my sister was a competitive dancer until she graduated) okay enough about me this song is so damn good I can’t stop saying that alright! My favorite lyric “I think we’re failin to connect you don’t what you do to me do to me do to me” and I LOVE THE CHORUS

This was fun!!! And it took me forever LMAO I’m not tagging 10 people but I’ll tag some

@louhazzabeingloudandloud @28-oops-hi @devilatmydoor @glitter-cal and anyone else who wants to do this!! 💜

#tag games #mutuals 💜#long post

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theprodigypenguin · 5 years

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Just a Bad Dream

Ao3 Link

Pairings: none

Summary: When they were younger, Albus always went to James when he had a particularly bad dream. He grew out of it, but in light of recent events, the murders of Craig and his grandparents and his involvement with Delphini, the bad dreams had just gotten worse, and only one person was ever able to help him through those nightmares.

Words: 5010

Warnings: fluff and talk of death and scary dreams

Notes: Woke up at 3am last night because of a nightmare where my family fuckin ditched me to a natural disaster (I think it was a hurricane), so to get the taste out of my mouth I wrote this fluffy family one shot with James and Albus. Might add more, because at the end there I got a small idea to involve Bill, but we'll see. It still hurts pretty badly to write with my finger, even when I'm on my phone, so it takes me a while. I feel like I could've done more with this, but oh well.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~

When James was ten, his Uncle Ron told him a scary story. He remembered sitting on the floor in the living room at the Potter house with a few of his cousins, his six year old sister, Lily, curled up on his lap and watching their uncle enraptured. Fred, sitting next to James, looked unimpressed for the most part as their uncle leaned forward on the seat he'd taken, close to the kids so they could hear him.

"The lake was so clear it was like a sheet of glass, but the moment our hero touched the surface, intending to scoop out water, the small ripple attracted what was below, and a hand shot up without warning to grab his wrist! It was thin, bony, sunken, skin white and translucent to show the bones beneath, and as the Hero struggled to back away, the dark creature followed, rising from the water a corpse, sallow skin hanging from its cheeks and eye sockets empty. Its joints cracked and bent unnaturally as it crawled onto the little island, its brothers and sisters rising and clawing their way towards our Hero-."

Lucy was the first one to scream and started crying, and Ron was left looking startled.

"It's just a story, LuLu, it's not real," he insisted, scooping her into his arms and bouncing her on his knee to calm her down.

"Ron Weasley what are you doing?!" James' mother was in the room now, looking furious, and Ron gave her a sheepish look.

"Nothin, just telling them a story that's all."

"Skeletons, auntie!" Louis yelled from where he was crouched on his knees between Rose and Albus, "They were moving!"

"Skeletons don't move, Louis," Ginny said, and Lily scrambled away from James to run and cling to her.

"I'm not scared!" she squeaked a little, and Ron winced at the glare his sister gave him.

"Aw c'mon, Gin, it's just a spooky story."

"Inferi aren't stories to tell children, Ronald."

"What's a little reanimated corpse gonna do?"

"Up, let's go," Ginny chided him, "You're supposed to be helping with supper."

Ron groaned as he lifted to his feet, making a joke about his body needing to be oiled because he was getting so old, following Ginny out of the living room. Rose leaned over Louis once they were gone, whispering to the rest of them.

"I know what Inferi are. I read about them."

"Of course you did," Fred drawled as James nodded Rose to continue.

"They're reanimated corpses brought to life by dark wizards," she said lowly, "Murdered muggles or wizards. I read that during the war, Voldemort had amassed an army of Inferi, of people he'd murdered and cursed into Inferi. Someone who becomes an Inferi can't ever pass on into the next life, you know? They'll come back with dark magic and be something so evil, so disfigured and disgusting, that even hell rejects them-."

"MUUUUUM!" Louis yelled as he darted from the room, running from Rose's story, and Fred laughed at her as James grinned.

Rose just huffed and tried to further explain what she knew of Inferi, but Fred just got up and left, Hugo was distracted by a book of his own that had pop-up pictures, James thought he was too old for scary stories anyway, and Albus... well, James didn't know what he thought of it.

He appeared disinterested at first glance, leaning against the couch and watching Rose as she focused on him entirely and continued her long rant. James had to commend his brother for managing to deal with her monologues. Even at ten years old, James was bored with them. He loved his cousin, but she could be so terribly annoying.

No one really seemed worried about the scary story. Lucy cried for a little until her father showed up for supper and let her cling to him the rest of the night, even sitting on his lap while eating. Rose continued to pipe out random facts about reanimated corpses, James decided she knew way too much about these things, and Fred scared the daylights out of Louis by draping a napkin over his head and face and hiding behind the doorway into the kitchen, hopping out with a "boo" that had Louis shrieking and running into the table before falling back onto the ground in a panic.

Fred was scolded for fifteen minutes straight after that, followed by Ron's lecture where he sat pouting and trying to justify his spooky story.

"They're kids, there's no harm."

Ginny disagreed, and James was smart enough to notice his father's face growing pale when Ron told him what the story was about. Later that night before bed, James hugged his father a little tighter and a little longer than usual, patting his back the best he could.

"It's okay, da', skeletons don't really move. It's just a scary story."

Harry looked a millions shades of white and red as he buried a hand in James' hair, "That's right, bud. Go off to bed now."

Lily slept between Harry and Ginny that night, saying she wasn't scared she just thought they might be. No one patronized her for it and Harry thanked her for being such a good little protector.

James had no trouble getting to sleep, face half in his pillow and mouth open in a soft, slow snore as he clung to a giant stuffed dog about as big as he was. It couldn't have been morning yet when he woke up, opening bleary eyes and squinting through the dark, lit dimly by the soft glow of tiny golden orbs that Ginny had charmed into each of their rooms (they would disappear during the day and blink to life like stars at night).

"Wha?" James grunted, lifting his face off the pillow and squinting at the edge of the bed.

It took a minute of adjustment for James to make out the form of his eight year old brother standing there, watching James intently.

"Whatdya want? What time is it?"

"I wanna sleep here," Albus said instead of answering, and James felt momentarily annoyed, until Albus whispered, "I had a bad dream..."

James immediately understood, because he got bad dreams too sometimes. He figured Albus could have just gone to their parents, then remembered Lily was with them already, so he scooted to the side, pushing his stuffed toy off the bed and patting the mattress.

"C'mon, then, Al."

He looked grateful and exhausted, climbing onto the bed and slithering beneath the covers, sheets, blankets, and comforter until only his eyes and the top of his head were sticking up, peering around at the glowing lights.

"What was your dream about?"

Albus didn't answer at first, fidgeting and holding the blankets over his nose, staring down.

"Inferno."

"You mean Inferi?" Albus nodded furiously, and James felt the need to laugh, but thought that would be rude.

He would have been upset had someone laughed at his own discomfort, he had no right to laugh at Al's. Instead he did what his mother and father would do when he had a bad dream. Pulled all the covers on the bed up and scooted closed to Albus so they were sharing a pillow.

"You know they're not real, don't you?"

"Yea they are, Rose said so," Albus croaked, hiding his face in the blankets, "I looked it up in da's book, the one he keeps in his study, and they do exist. They look so scary... they're living Halloween decorations."

James couldn't control the laugh that time, but felt bad about it after from the way his brother trembled. He snuck closer and fumbled his arms around Albus, who protested with a single whine but nothing else. He seemed to be shaking more than James realized before, his body jerking and shivering against his chest, and James frowned, for a moment unsure of how to fix it.

He had to try, though. It was his job to always look after his younger siblings, to make them laugh and protect them. His Uncle Bill told him that, a proud look in his eyes as he said it; so proud to be the older brother, so proud to have younger siblings.

"It's exhausting being the oldest, sometimes you grow up too fast and not even realize it, sometimes you'll find yourself angry at them, but they're more precious than anything else in the world, worth more than a hundred thousand galleons. Which is a lot of galleons, James."

"What else did da's book say?"

"The infertile don't like light or fire...?"

"Inferi," James corrected again, "That's easy then! Look, see? Mum put all these fire bugs in our rooms! Inferi won't dare try and hurt you while the fire bugs are here!"

"They're not real though," Albus argued, "It's just a spell."

"But the Inferi don't know that," James reminded, and Albus was quiet for a moment before gaping at James, who grinned and ruffled his brother's black hair, "Don't be scared, Aly. You don't ever gotta be when I'm around, cuz I'm your big brother and I'll protect you from everything!"

"Even Inferi?" Albus asked on a whisper, and James gave a sharp nod.

"I'll fight off all the Inferi with a sword made of fire, and I'll fight off Dementors for you, and mum's cooking, and all the mean people from Slytherin!"

"Really?" Albus looked hopeful at that, "Even mum's cooking?"

"You bet!"

"There are a lot of people in Slytherin."

"I don't care if there are millions, I'll beat 'em all up!"

"But uncle says I might be in Slytherin," Albus whispered, and James patted his head.

"Well Aly I guess that means I'll have to beat you up for you too, if you ever bully my brother, you got that?"

Albus giggled, finally, his shaking lessening until he'd snuggled closer and fallen asleep. He didn't have any more Inferi nightmares after that, but he did have others, James recalled. They were sometimes very strange, like the nightmare where a giant orange Puffskein swallowed up London (Albus refused to get near them after that), while some were more serious.

James spent at least an hour when Albus was ten, trying to calm him down after a nightmare where their parents had yelled at him, told him they didn't actually love him, that they wished he wasn't their kid, and kicked him out of the house, locking the door so he couldn't get back inside. He cried so hard he almost woke the rest of the house up, but James somehow managed to calm him down by promising he would never let something like that happen.

"Mum and dad love us so much, they would absolutely never do that! Even if they did, you know what I'll do? I'll go with you! That's right! I'll go with you and I'll still protect you! Even if they don't want me to! Cuz that's what I'm supposed to do!"

Honestly though, who could have predicted some of Albus' worst nightmares would come true? Sorted into Slytherin, and suddenly James was laughing at the Slytherin Squib behind Albus' back with the other Gryffindor's in his dorm. The older ones especially seemed to take joy out of gossiping about that false Potter and Voldemort's son.

Then the argument that made Albus wake up sobbing so hard he couldn't breathe, the argument he was so afraid of that James almost couldn't calm him down. James heard it when they yelled at each other, at first he just rolled his eyes because Albus was just a moody teenager after all. Then their father said it, wished Albus wasn't his son.

James had a flash back of that night and what he promised Albus, remembered all those times he swore to be on his brother's side and look out for him, but when he stormed down the hall, left the house, James didn't go with him.

He always swore that he would.

When it came right down to it... he didn't.

The rest of the year was utterly miserable. The first few months from the start of term to Halloween had James in a state of near constant panic, because Albus wasn't there, then he was, then he wasn't, disappearing three times. He wouldn't have been as worried if it hadn't been for the professors worrying, if it hadn't been for their father and the Minister of Magic of all people showing up at the school.

Maybe James wouldn't have worried so much if he hadn't found Craig Bowker Jr dead on the Quidditch pitch.

The summer after that year, he had to note how attentive Harry was being to Albus, even though they still got in a number of smaller arguments now and then. He let Albus visit Scorpius, and even invited Scorpius over a few times. It was nice, because it seemed after so long that Harry and Draco had finally made peace with each other, if only for the sake of their sons.

James and Albus didn't talk much after Christmas. Albus seemed to be busy with Scorpius, and James, well, was busy trying to make up for the past four years of not doing what he always promised in protecting Albus. He lost a handful of friends in his quest to get people to stop picking on Albus, the seventh year Gryffindors he looked up to even turned on him a few times, but less people were targeting Albus now, so James didn't mind.

He kept it a secret of course. The last thing he needed was Albus thinking he was trying to get something out of helping, and frankly he didn't want to hear Albus snap, "I don't need your help," at him.

The fact of the matter stayed the same. Albus almost died, and James hadn't been the best brother in the world like he always swore he would be. Now he had to make up for lost time, and damn it if James Sirius Potter didn't absolutely dominate in that. He even managed to enlist Louis and Fred's help, Lily didn't take much convincing.

"Lils do you wanna help-."

"Are we messing something up? Let's do it!"

"- with... Albus?"

"Oh. Oh okay."

James couldn't keep everyone from harassing Albus and Scorpius, but he and his cousins did their best, even reaching out to other houses to insist they leave them be. Most of the time they got dirty looks and scowls, some Gryffindor's called them snake lovers, but most of the Hufflepuffs agreed, looking sheepish, and at least three Ravenclaws actually apologized for any distress they may have caused.

"Don't apologize to me," James had said, "Apologize to my brother."

It wasn't until that summer that Albus finally spoke to James. It was the middle of the night, everyone had gone to bed hours ago, but James had a lot on his mind. He was lying in bed of course, but held open above him was a book he'd never really cared for before. He didn't quite care about his History of Magic classes, though he did fine grade-wise. He'd never really bothered to look into it before.

Ever since Albus disappeared, however, and James found out about Delphini through eavesdropping and sneaking around, he found a new interest in the history of the Wizarding Wars. It was terrifying how so much horror could come from just one dark wizard. If Voldemort could make such a mess that lasted for so long and destroyed so many lives, then what was his daughter capable of?

The little orbs of light had converged around him and his book to make it easier to see and read, cringing when he turned a page to see a picture of Bellatrix Lestrange (she looked disturbingly like a younger Andromeda). This woman who had singlehandedly killed and tortured so many. Professor Longbottom's parents, Sirius Black, Remus and Nymphadora Lupin; killed by Molly Weasley (fuck yea, James thought).

There was no knock, James only just heard the door creak open, turning his head but barely catching sight of Albus before he'd dropped the book onto his face, groaning and cupping his hands over his nose as he rolled over and knocked the book to the ground.

"Oh bloody hell, owe."

"I... I thought you'd be asleep."

"What?" James sat up, pulling away his hands before putting them back under his nose to make sure there was no blood, then gaped over at Albus, who was standing awkwardly in the doorway, head down.

This was the first time he'd said anything to James in months, but why did he have to choose midnight to do so? What, he expected James to be sleeping? What was he planning to do then?

"What're you doing in here?" James asked, and it sort of came out harsher than he'd wanted.

Albus tensed and started to back up, "Sorry to interrupt."

"Whoa, hang on, come back," James pushed his blankets back and turned, ready to jump from the bed to stop him physically if he had to, "Come back, what's going on?"

Albus had paused, tapping the door a few times and glancing down the hall both way before stepping back into the bedroom, shutting the door with a click.

"I'm staying in here tonight."

"You are?" James gaped at him, very confused, watching him grab the Puddlemere United quilt that was folded on the foot of his bed.

He then stole the pillow James had been using and dropped it on the floor next to the bed, lying down there and throwing the quilt over himself, curled onto his side facing the door. It was quiet for a moment, and James slowly leaned over the bed to look down at Albus.

"I... guess you are. That's fine, but can I have my book back? I dropped it."

Albus shifted around and pulled out the book, he must have laid down on top of it, but instead of immediately giving it back, he flipped it open, "What are you doing reading a history book at midnight?"

"What? I'm not allowed to learn?"

Albus had stopped on a page towards the middle, where a photograph of a rather handsome brown haired boy wearing Hufflepuff robes was smiling. James could see his name printed in the ribbon along the bottom of his portrait: Cedric Diggory, 1977 - 1995 (June 24).

"Al-."

"He was seventeen, you know," Albus said before James could get out a full word, "Not much older than you."

"Yea..."

Albus turned the pages back to the same place James had been at, where the photograph of Bellatrix stood there sneering. Albus shut the book with a snap and shoved it up to James without looking at him. James took the book and sat up, feeling even more confused than before as he slowly reopened the book to Bellatrix, and suddenly it hit him, his nose still stinging from when he'd dropped his book.

"Did you have a bad dream?"

"Leave me alone, James."

"Hey, you came into my room, remember. What, were you planning on just taking the quilt and lying down without waking me up or something?" he didn't get an answer, and his heart seized painfully in his chest as he realized yea, that was his plan, "How... how many times have you done that?"

"I said leave me alone."

"You know you could've just woken me up? If you're having nightmares, I don't mind."

"I don't get nightmares, James, just leave me be."

"Again, this is my bedroom," James said simply, but again he got no reply, so he just sighed, scooting to the other side of the bed, "Al, come up here. There's enough room for you."

"I'm fourteen, I'm not sharing a bed with my sixteen year old brother."

"Why? Afraid I'll hog the blankets? Just get up here before I yell and wake mum and dad up. You know I will."

Albus grumbled after a moment and shifted, standing up with the blanket and pillow and flopping none too elegantly onto the bed, burying his face in the pillow like he intended to suffocate himself.

James pulled all the covers back up, taking a moment to ensure Albus was comfortably tucked in before lying down himself and opening his book. For a long time it was silent, James was able to read a few more pages, the little lights dancing around the words, until Albus spoke, his voice muffled in the pillow.

"Did you say something?" James asked, not taking his eyes away from the page talking about the Centaurs and their outrage at shrinking territory.

Albus shifted a bit, head turning so his mouth wasn't shoved against the pillow, staring at the door and the Quidditch poster James had pinned up, "I saw the Thestrals," he muttered, and James didn't seem to comprehend the words at first, giving a hum before pausing, his page half turned.

"Wait..."

"When we were taken back to the train," Albus clarified, "In the carriages. I saw 'em."

"That's not possible you know," James snorted, "Look I know they spook you out, that's kind of my fault, but bad dreams aren't reality-."

"I saw Craig die," Albus interrupted, and James felt something sour settle in his mouth, remembering Craig lying cold and stiff on the Quidditch pitch, "and later I saw... other people die."

"You saw it?" James asked, "Craig?"

Albus nodded, "Scorpius and I saw it. He... got in the way... just like... like Cedric Diggory."

James didn't know what to say, frozen where he was sitting and staring at his brother in a state of confused horror.

"Thestrals can only be seen by people who have witnessed death. I didn't think I'd ever have to worry about it, but you know... I'm not exactly lucky. They're not as scary as I always thought. No, I think... I think I've seen plenty that's way scarier."

"Delphini," James said, and Albus flinched, "That's her name, right? I overheard dad-."

"She killed him."

"Albus, I'm-."

"I did have a kind of bad dream," Albus muttered, not giving James a chance to finish even a single sentence, "Green light. Y'know... I like that color, really, but... suddenly looking at it makes me feel sick. Which is bad, because I'm a Slytherin, and my entire dorm is green."

James had a million questions he wanted to ask, clinging to his book as he took a moment to calm himself down, finally looking back at Albus once he was sure he wouldn't say something stupid.

"What was your nightmare about?"

Stupid, that was stupid, that was one of the stupid things he shouldn't have said-.

"Craig dying," Albus answered, and James held his breath, "I really... get how dad felt now. After watching Diggory die I mean. Dad probably had nightmares too... his life really sucked."

James couldn't hold the nervous laugh, shaking his head, "He's happy now."

"I know," Albus said, "I just... didn't want to be alone right now. Sorry."

"Don't worry about that, I was already awake anyway," James closed his book and set it down, lying back and watching the little lights spread around the room, "Dad probably would understand what you're feeling better than I could," James admitted, "because I honestly don't understand at all. I wish I did."

"I hope you never do," Albus said softly, and James felt his heart jump again, "I know I can talk to dad, but he's not... he's different. He'll try to fix everything, that's just how he is, and there's nothing he can fix with me. It's just a dream..."

It sounded like he wanted to say more, but was quiet or holding back, so James rolled onto his side, reaching out to poke him in the back, "And?"

Albus hesitated and grumbled, "And... you've always been better than me at fighting off the things that don't exist. Like... nightmares."

James felt himself swell in pride at that, at the fact despite everything, Albus still knew he could rely on James, especially about something like this. The situation with Delphini and Craig was so beyond James, but maybe that was why Albus came to him and not their father, because he didn't want to be near what happened right now, he didn't want to be reminded of it. He needed a distraction, needed to feel safe.

"You got that right," he said, grabbing onto the covers and jerking them higher, throwing an arm around Albus, who grunted in irritation as James threw his weight into his brother, "I'm the absolute best at kicking ass that doesn't exist. Remember! I'm your big brother and I'll protect you from everything! I'll fight off every Thestral and dark witch with a sword made of fire."

He squeezed Albus, and this horrible feeling settled in his gut, because Albus watched someone die, watched someone get murdered, and honestly... honestly James didn't know how to help. Albus could have died to. James swore he'd always follow him and look after him if he was chased away, but he didn't, and Albus almost died; because he hesitated.

"I'll fight off Dementors for you... and mum's cooking... and the Gryffindors who keep picking on you and Scorpius... and all the mean people from Slytherin."

"I'm one of those mean people from Slytherin, James."

"Then I'll kick your ass too. Haven't I told you that before?"

"You talk about kicking ass a lot for someone who's only five foot seven inches and gets excited over red plaid."

"Shut up. I am not that short."

"Are you gonna stop hugging me anytime soon, Not That Short?"

"For that quip? Die this way."

Albus snorted hard, hiding his face in the pillow as he chuckled, and James pressed his forehead against Albus' back.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"I'm not," Albus muttered.

"I could've helped."

"You could've died."

"So could you."

Albus didn't answer, but James figured he knew his brother well enough to know what he wanted to say. So he tightened his grip impossibly.

"Mum and dad never would have recovered if you had died, Al. Lily wouldn't have either. Or me. We'd be broken if we lost you."

He could practically feel how much Albus wanted to protest and argue that they would have been fine, James could already hear him.

"A family of Gryffindor's don't need a Slytherin to tarnish their reputation anyway," and, "People don't believe I'm a Potter anyway, just getting rid of an extra," or, "Dad wanted me gone a few months ago anyway, what makes now different?"

"We'd be broken and you can't tell me otherwise."

"I figured I'd broken the family already, back when I got sorted."

"Nope, you didn't."

"Certainly feels like I got broken."

"Yet you still fit perfectly."

"Do I?"

"Yup. The only way you could break this family is by dying on us, so don't ever run off and do something stupid like that again."

"Considering my track record..."

"Fine, then just tell someone when you're about to do something stupid."

"I tell Scorpius."

"And he tags along, that's not what I meant at all. Tell me, okay?"

"You're saying you wouldn't tag along too if given the chance?"

"Well if I don't have Quidditch practice-."

"Never mind I don't care."

James snickered, and after a moment let go of Albus, rolling onto the other side of the bed and watching as the dimly lit orbs bounced along in the room. He was happy to have managed to make Albus laugh, but there was still a horrible pit in his stomach, a voice in his head telling him he could've done so much more, and his uncle Bill's voice adding his input.

"It's exhausting being the oldest..."

It really was.

"Not everything is your job, James, remember that. As the oldest you have every right to look after and protect them, but if something goes wrong, you can't hate yourself for it. You can't predict the future."

Bill always gave good advice, and considering how miserable James was feeling about Delphini and Albus, he decided maybe it was about time to reach out to him for some oldest sibling words of wisdom. With plans made to send an owl the next day, James rolled over and peered over at Albus, who was lying on his back, eyes closed.

James poked him once to see if he was asleep, and after deciding he was, he just laid there and watched him for a moment, ensuring he wasn't having anymore bad dreams.

This used to happen a lot when they were much younger, five year old Albus would toddle into James' room and cling to him because he saw something in his closet, a shadow, or a scary dream. James used to be a super hero who was always there to make Albus smile, and thought himself the greatest big brother in the world, because Albus always said so.

As they got older, though, Albus stopped coming to him for help, and James knew it was normal of course, but he missed it, being able to help his brother through the tough times. Albus was getting stronger, he could deal with a lot on his own, but it didn't matter if he could or not.

What mattered was if he knew he didn't have to, because no matter how isolated Albus made himself or how hard he tried to block out his family due to self internalized hate, he wasn't alone. Unfortunately, he was a teenager, and James had a feeling it would take Albus a long time to accept that no matter what he did, or how many times he may mess up, every time he looked behind him expecting to be alone, he was going to see his family. Hell, even if they did leave, he was still going to see James there, because James loved his family too much to give up on them. Even if they did almost destroy the world.

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softestziam · 7 years

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So here it is the long awaited, probably not, follow up to my fetus ziam drabble. I’ve already started part 3 because I hate myself and think people actually like my stuff.

“Out of my way lads, I’ve got my own room this time,” Niall announced once everyone was off the buses in Vancouver. He turned and looked directly at Harry and Louis. “Luckily it’s away from some people.”

“You’re the perv that was listening in,” Louis replied defensively. “Not mine and Harold’s fault.”

“How about we get a move on and get to the lift instead of arguing?” Paul suggested, raising his eyebrows at the boys. “Meet me by the lifts while I get the keys.”

The five boys dragged their feet behind Paul, all exhausted. The three hour bus ride ended up taking close to four and a half due to getting tied up at the border. A stop for gas once they entered Canada ended up being a production that got a few people to laugh, even if it was out of sheer exhaustion and not something actually funny. Bags were thrown over shoulders and luggage was being dragged behind them. They only upside to everything was that they had the day off, the only thing on their schedule was a radio interview in the midafternoon. Eight more shows, two more weeks and they could see their month long break in front of them. It was just something they needed to keep reminding themselves.

“You sleep on the bus?” Zayn asked Liam as they were huddled in the corner, away from everyone.

“A little,” Liam answered with a shrug. “I was too knackered to sleep, if that makes sense.”

“Perfect,” he assured him, especially after he saw the worry lines appear above Liam’s brows. All he wanted to do really was move his thumb across the creases, feel his skin on his skin, maybe even kiss the worry feeling that was probably in the pit of his stomach. Fuck. Stupid Louis and his stupid checklist. “I was knackered too but you know how Lou is, always bouncing off the wall.”

“You’ll sleep well tonight,” Liam promised, his worry lines now flattened and a wide smile on his face. “Get to sleep on a bed this time instead of a crammed bus.”

“We cuddling?” Zayn asked with a smirk. Despite his new found realization Zayn didn’t want to make things awkward between them, they needed to stick to their routine, and cuddling was part of that routine. “I need my teddy bear to help me sleep.”

“Of course, Zed, always,” he told him, hiking his bag further up his shoulder.

Liam’s cheeks were faintly turning pink, a bashful smile on his face, this was when he was most beautiful. Zayn got to see Liam in varying degrees, Liam the popstar, Liam the businessman, and just good ole plan Liam James Payne from Wolverhampton. Liam the popstar was someone to be dazzled by, the way he commands a stage, the presence he has in front of thousands of fans was outstanding, surely something to be admired. Liam the businessman was a take no prisoner type of man, very attentive and aware of his surroundings. He made sure everyone was taken care of, he was the voice of reason within the band.

Liam James Payne from Wolverhampton was who Zayn fell in love with though. That was the authentic Liam, the one many people rarely got to see. He had to be the other two Liam’s a large majority of the day. The regular Liam, the boy behind the man, the one who giggles at everything he finds funny, the one who blushes whenever he get complimented. He was so selfless and caring and understanding, always patient. Honestly, what took Zayn so long to realize he was in love with Liam? Anyone who ever met the true, authentic Liam would fall in love with him instantly. Karen and Geoff raised a good man.

“Come collect your keys and get on the lift, gents,” Paul called to them, knocking Zayn out of his daydream.

Liam gave Zayn a little shove towards the lift while he volunteered to get their keys. While the keys were being distributed the noise level started to rise a little. People were way past exhaustion but a minimal change in the atmosphere always riled people up, especially Louis. Harry, like always, was trying to quiet him, drag him onto the lift and away from the death glares of a few of the crew members. Caroline just rolled her eyes as she collected her key from Paul, patting an exhausted looking Zayn as she past, kissing his forehead and wishing him a goodnight. Liam returned, placing his free arm around Zayn’s shoulders, almost lifting him up as helping him onto the lift and eventually their shared room. They were both exhausted, the faces looking worn out from the long day and even longer tour schedule. A quick goodnight was said to those who remained on the lift as they exited on their floor.

“I’m gonna change in the loo,” Liam announced once they got into their room and dropped their things on the soon to be vacant bed. “So you can do what you gotta do out here.”

“Thanks,” Zayn replied softly, followed by a yawn he didn’t even try to cover up.

Liam grabbed his bag that contained a change of clothes and his toiletries, it was a luxury when they stayed at a hotel. Trying to shower, shave, or even change on a constantly moving bus was a hassle. Something all five of them learned to conquer rather quickly. He hummed around his toothbrush as he brushed his teeth, some song that was playing at the arena earlier that day from whatever playlist they used to hype the crowd before the show. It felt good to be in a hotel, even better that he got to share that room with Zayn, his best mate. He loved all four boys equally but things just felt different with Zayn. They bonded over more than just being in the same group. Movies, music, comics, everything about them was alike. It was great to have someone who was so compatible with. He had the best mates in the world, a dream job, and a dream girlfriend, someone who understood his lifestyle so perfectly and never once complained. Liam was just so excited that in a few days’ time Danielle was set to arrive in Las Vegas and spend a few days with him before flying back home. He couldn’t ask for anything more.

“You decent?” Liam asked, opening the bathroom door ajar.

Zayn snorted at the questions. “What a loaded question Payno, but yea, I am.”

Liam laughed at Zayn’s reply and opened the door. Zayn was already sitting on the bed, laptop resting on his legs. “What are we watching tonight?”

“Thor,” he informed him, shuffling up on the bed to rest against the headboard, patting the spot next to him to indicate he wanted Liam to sit down. This could all be looked at as pseudo romantic but Zayn knew he needed to keep this as friendly as possible. Which was probably going to be hard, in more way than one.

“The new one?” Liam asked in excitement as he reached the bed and sat next to Zayn. He lifted the laptop and placed it on the spot where their legs met. A perfect place for both of them to see it properly. “You know being famous does have it perks sometimes.”

Zayn nodded swallowing the lump forming in his throat. He’d touched Liam numerous times within the last few years, hand holding, gently placing a hand on the small of each other backs, even while wrestling backstage at arenas. Even tonight they touched, always did during I Want, it was a routine of theirs. Now it felt different, their outer thighs pressed up against each other, skin on skin. He could feel the hair on Liam’s legs rubbing up against his. Zayn really did hate Louis, making him realize he was in love with Liam. Now everything happening around them made Zayn hyperaware, noticed every little detail now. Some mate Louis was. Thanks bro.

“You okay?” Liam’s gentle voice brought Zayn back to reality. He was rubbing at Zayn’s knee, trying to coax him out of whatever trance he was stuck in. “You spaced out on me for a minute.”

“I-I’m okay,” he assured him, his eyes glued to where Liam’s hand was. “Let-let’s just watch the movie, yeah?”

“I heard it was better than the first once,” Liam told him as he pressed a few buttons on the laptop to start up the movie. “Let me know if you want anything to eat or drink and I’ll pause the movie, okay?”

Zayn just nodded in response as the movie began, the Marvel credits flashing on the screen. He was so excited to watch the movie but couldn’t get his mind to focus. Everything around him was too much. He slowly regretted sharing a room with Liam. He didn’t want things to be awkward between them, to draw any attention to the situation, but it was going to be difficult. Now that he had a name to the gnawing feeling he’d been feeling for so long, it was hard to shove it away. This wasn’t Liam’s fault at all, never would be. Just sitting close to Liam in a bed where they’d eventually lay down and cuddle, a staple of theirs when they share a room. It was going to be an obstacle, he was definitely going to think about all the romantic undertones of cuddling with his best mate who he happened to be in love with.

Never mind the fact that Liam was dating Danielle. Zayn liked Danielle, mostly. She was never around so it was an out of sight out of mind type of relationship. He would never get the way of Liam’s relationship, would never jeopardize it at all. He loved Liam and a part of loving him was respecting those he chose to have in his life, and Danielle was in his life. Zayn tried to focus back on the movie but just watched Liam as he watched the movie. Seeing how animated his face got at certain scenes that were probably highly entertaining and pivotal. He loved seeing Liam’s face light up every time Loki was mentioned or on the screen. He loved the character so much he ended up naming his dog after him. It was the little things that just made him so endearing.

“You stopped watching,” Liam observed, pausing the movie, looking at Zayn. “You want to stop? We can stop if you want to sleep or whatever.”

Zayn faked a yawn and nodded his head. “I’m knackered, maybe we can pick this up tomorrow seeing we have downtime, yeah?”

“Of course,” he agreed, turning off the movie and shutting off the computer, reaching over and placing it on the nightstand. He turned back around and saw that Zayn was already under the covers, getting himself as comfortable as possible. Liam turned off the light and turned in himself, shuffling down the bed to get properly under the covers. “Nothing beats a night in a swanky hotel with me best mate.”

“Yeah,” he tentatively agreed, slowly nodding his head, turning his back to Liam. He sucked in his breath as Liam’s arm snaked around his waist, his insides immediately felt like lava. It was strictly platonic but everything had changed, had shifted, now his body was betraying him.

“Goodnight Zed,” Liam whispered in his ear, scooting closer to tangle their legs together.

“Night Liam,” he replied, his mouth dry and he closed his eyes and wished himself to fall asleep and fall asleep fast.

#ziam drabble #my writing

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blueiight · 1 year

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and I think with or without redemption its still cathartic to see a villain get dealt a lot of pain like even if the person dealing the blows has no real grievance with him. Its like narrative karma kinda like how Matt Damon gets his head blown off by Mark Wahlberg in the The Departed, not necessarily someone he personally wronged but just very fun to witness as an audience member.

all of them r fucked up but ig les is the best [or is the most entertaining] at being fucked up? but if u want that suffering ur gonna see a lot of that including some from louis. rj&co have suggested theyre saving louis’s Burn Lestat™️ card for s2, and armand is definitely gonna put lestat thru the torture rack. i think louis being more agentic in lestat’s s1 attempted murder plot has a lot of implications, and i want to ask my unanswered anons who keep asking me to repeat myself about lestat: what kind of catharsis r u looking for? and what show do u think ur watching? it reminds me of how @likethemodel said, with shows like hannibal people are perfectly fine with an amoral, unchanging, evil to be evil for fun’s sake character, but with iwtv, theyre so discomfitted by it. why? is it bc u cant look away & lie to urselves the same way u can with other types of charas like this? idk. i havent watched hannibal, they did so . yea. but if u wanna see les go thru hell, its coming lol. but if u want like some adolescence of utena type shit where claudia and louis run over lestat w his car & leave to the outside world type shit its probably not going to happen. part of claudia & louis’s relationship decaying has to fundamentally incorporate the fact thatlouis wants to wants to be desired& the focal point of someone else’s caring control at the expense of claudia, who especially showverse cannot provide louis such things as a immortal girlchild. his daughter, his redemption, can only go so far. u ‘liberated’ urself from lestat, whats next? like. claudia isnt going to die in s2ep1. shes going to be in majority of that season. claudia warns louis about armand’s intentions toward harming her, but louis is so in love he ignores it n thats a big part in how their relationship degrades. so its just all around fun fucked up shit coming that some ppl will be rly angry at n treat it as if its a fault of the writing. when its rly themselves who put expectations if not completely made up things that have very weak /nonexistent canon basis so far much less later on. these immortal characters are endlessly forgiving of brutality. they love + rationalize the acts of their abusers. while they go thru character development, they somewhat remain stagnant in their flaws. bc what is immortality if not living the same life over n over n over n over aga

#Now no more ‘is lestat going to be redeemed’ asks im tied idgaf!!!! leave me alone #yn.#yn answers #iwtv #louis de pointe du lac #lestat de lioncourt #claudia #armand

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crazililwabbit · 7 years

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Burn - A Supernatural/Black Butler Crossover Fic

Master list here.

Ch 2 - You Know You’ll Always Lose

Elizabeth towel dried her hair and glanced in the mirror. "I look so tired…" She mumbled to herself and slapped her cheeks lightly. "Come on!" She tried to pump herself up.

She pulled on a black t-shirt, her favorite shorts and black boots. She was pulling her hair into a ponytail as she walked into the library. She froze. There was someone sitting in one of the chairs with his back to her.

"Are you ready?" A familiar voice called to her.

"Sebastian?" She gasped. Even from behind she could tell he looked different.

"Ah," He looked at her over his shoulder. "Forgive me, I forgot I had changed my appearance. Is this more to your liking?" He stood from the chair and raised his eyebrows at her.

"You…" She wasn't sure what to say. "You look younger."

"Yes. I tried to ascertain your age, I guessed twenty-five, and matched my looks accordingly." He smiled at her.

"I am twenty-six." She mumbled. She continued to stare at him. His hair was shorter and messy, but still the same jet black as before. He had changed from his suit with tails into a more relaxed black dress shirt and tie. "I like your shoes." She mumbled again and headed across the room to where her dad stashed all the smaller weapons.

Sebastian looked down at his feet. "Do you?" He smiled. "I saw them in one of your magazines."

"There is one place I can think of to begin." She changed the subject as she pulled several bottles of various ingredients from the chest. "It's only about seven hours away, so we can get there by morning." She checked her handgun to make sure it was loaded and then her pockets for ammunition.

"What might we be looking for?" He leaned against the table and cupped his chin in his hand.

"It's the only other place Castiel might be." She checked her backpack for water and a granola bar. "He has a, um, friend that lives there." She glanced up at him awkwardly.

"Friend?" Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "Normally friends don't make people feel as uneasy as you seem."

"It's not that he makes me uneasy. I actually love him. It's just that his relationship with Castiel is…" She paused again. "Complicated."

"Most relationships are." He mused.

"Well, it's just that Castiel spends more time there than he does here, where he supposedly lives. He insists they aren't a couple, but I don't know…" She shook her head. "You'll understand when you meet him."

"I see." Sebastian chuckled. "I noticed you are packing several weapons."

"Yea. You never know what you'll need." She closed her bag. "My dad always insisted that I carry a knife and gun, it's become habit." She looked down at her preparations. "What do you want? You can pick whatever you'd like."

"Oh, I am set." He patted the black pouch that was hanging from his belt.

"Oh, okay." She glanced at the pouch. "What are they?"

"Throwing knives." He grinned wickedly. "If I need to use a weapon, they are my preferred choice."

"Alright, I think we are set then." She looked away. The smile on his face was making her uneasy.

"Very well." She heard the table shift as he lifted his weight off it. "I will carry your bags."

"Oh, um…" She glanced up, blushing. "You don't have to."

"What kind of partner would I be if I allowed you to carry them?" He flashed her a quick smile that made her stomach tie itself into a knot.

"Th… thanks." She stammered and turned back to grab her dad's keys. She paused for a moment, running her thumb over the smooth metal keychain her dad kept. "I will find you Dad. Hang in there." She whispered to the keys.

She hurried after Sebastian, who was already halfway up the stairs. "Normally I would take my bike, but since we are going pretty far and I don't think we can both fit on it with all our stuff we are going to take Baby."

"Baby?" He turned and looked at her one eyebrow raised.

She held up the keys. "My dad's Impala."

The ride was quiet. She let the music pour from the speakers and he was content to stare out the window. Rides in the Impala very rarely had conversation anyway, so the silence wasn't new to her.

"We're here." She said as she parked in front of a large apartment building in downtown St Louis.

Sebastian strained his neck to look out the window. "This doesn't seem like a very safe area." He mused.

"It isn't…" She smiled and unlocked the car. "But that's why he lives here, plenty of work to keep him busy."

Sebastian only pursed his lips.

He followed her silently through the stairwell that led to the sixth floor apartment. She hesitated before knocking on the door. "Now, I am warning you. This guy is a little… weird." She turned to face him. "Don't take anything he says too seriously."

Sebastian nodded. "I promise, I will be nothing but courteous."

She laughed. "Sure. Just wait." She turned back to the door and knocked.

The door creaked open, but Sebastian wasn't able to see who was on the other side.

"Oh, it's only you Miss Lizzie!" A sing-song voice cooed.

Sebastian stiffened, even after a hundred years of being apart, he would recognize that voice until the day he died.

"What can I help you with?" The man pushed his red glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

"Have you heard from Castiel recently?" She expressed her concern. "The bunker was all messed up and my whole family is missing."

"Oh, dear." The man rested his chin in his hand. "I am afraid I haven't seen him in days. You don't think something happened to them, do you?" His eyes widened slightly.

"Well, I am sure my father and uncle were taken. Castiel hasn't replied to any of my calls or prayers, and I know he was home the night it all happened." She glanced over at Sebastian. "Oh! I am so sorry, I didn't introduce you two."

The man's green eyes turned to look at her partner. "Oh, my." He smiled. "You brought quite a handsome young thing, didn't you?" His cheeks flushed and he batted a hand at Sebastian.

Sebastian frowned. "Do keep that dribble to yourself, Grell." He looked away.

"Wait." Elizabeth looked back at the reaper. "You two know each other?"

Grell's eyes grew wide with excitement. "I knew I would see you again someday!" He was almost dancing with giddiness. "Oh, Bassy! It's been too long!" He threw his arms out as if to wrap them around the irritated demon.

Sebastian's frown deepend.

"Oh, but I must remember… I am a claimed girl now! I can't go letting myself get carried away by old sentiments." Grell clasped his over his cheeks. "Besides, I wouldn't trade my Cassy for all the handsome men in the world." He sighed and straightened his red button down shirt.

Elizabeth's eyes lit up. "I knew it! You and Castiel are dating!"

"Well," Grell looked away, blushing. "I like to think so, yes."

"Castiel never talks about your relationship, it's like pulling teeth to get him to say anything!" She took his hands in hers. "You will have to tell me everything!"

Sebastian glanced down at the girl who was excitedly smiling at the reaper. There was something in her expression he couldn't place, but he enjoyed, it reminded him of his promise to her, that he would remain polite. He sighed quietly and rolled his eyes. "Forgive my rudeness Mr. Sutcliff. I had forgotten a promise I had made." He bowed slightly towards the pair.

"Oh, Bassy." The reaper blushed and squeezed the girl's hands. "You are all formality and courtesy aren't you?" He looked back at Elizabeth. "You two should come in. Tell me all about what is going on and I will get you some tea."

"Thank you." She smiled at him. "I appreciate it."

"I am sorry I don't have anything to tell you…" Grell pouted as he held his tea cup near his mouth. "I honestly haven't spoken to Castiel in several days now." He took a sip of the warm liquid. "I hadn't really even noticed, I've been busy with work." He jumped to his feet suddenly. "Speaking of!" He set his cup down. "I had a soul that required my attention this evening!" He frantically grabbed his long black coat and bag. "I am so sorry dear!" He patted Elizabeth's shoulder. "Feel free to stay until I get back, and under no circumstances are you allowed to leave without me! I am coming with you. I would be completely distraught if something happened to my poor Cassy and I didn't do anything to help." He was closing the door behind himself. "Help yourself to anything! Toodles!" He gave a little wave as he closed the door behind him.

"Finally…" Sebastian sighed and rubbed his temples. "I detest that reaper."

"Awe," Elizabeth smiled up at the frustrated demon. "He's not so bad. I think he's fun."

"You have a tolerance for stupidity that I admire." He returned her smile.

"Oh, I don't know about that." She yawned and slumped back in the couch. "I do know that I am tired though." She glanced at the clock. "I can't believe we have been here for eight hours already."

"I can." Sebastian stood from where he had been leaning against the wall. "You should get some rest. When he returns I think it would be good for us to return to your home so I can take a proper look around."

"Right." Her eyelids were already growing heavy. "What about you?" She looked back up to him.

"I don't need to sleep." He smiled softly down at her. "I will stay here and watch over you."

"That's, um…" She pressed her eyebrows together. "creepy."

Sebastian's smile faded into mild shock and then returned with laughter. "I think that is the first time I have been told that."

"Really?" She chuckled. "Well, it is." Her eyes were getting to be too heavy to open. "Don't let me sleep too long, three hours tops."

"Yes." She could hear Sebastian's voice as she slowly faded into unconsciousness. "My lady."

"No!" The woman's voice cried. "I can't!" She was crying.

"Please." The man was begging. "You will be the only thing I will regret leaving."

Elizabeth couldn't see their faces, but she could hear the sorrow in their voices. It was almost palpable in the air around them.

"This…" The woman was stammering, overcome with grief. "All of this. You have gone too far this time, Azrael. You have gone somewhere I cannot follow."

"Leora…" The man began.

"No!" She yelled as she sobbed. "I can't believe you would choose this over staying here with me!"

The woman's sobs began to fade from Elizabeth's mind as she began to return to consciousness. The first thing she saw when her eyes opened was the sunlight pouring through the living room curtains. "What time is it?" She groaned.

"Ah. You're awake." Sebastian lowered the book he had been reading and smiled at her. "It is a quarter past nine."

"In the morning!?" She sat up quickly, feeling the blood rush to her head. She placed her hands on either side of her head to try and steady herself. "Why did you let me sleep so long?"

"You needed it." He continued to smile. "Besides, I did try and wake you. But you would only wave your arms in the air and mumble 'Not now Dad, I am about to meet Paul Bettany…' before rolling over and returning to sleep."

Elizabeth's cheeks burned with blush. "Sorry." She narrowed her eyes and looked to the side. "I am a heavy sleeper. It's from growing up learning to sleep in cars."

"Like I said, you needed it." He returned to reading his book.

"Is Grell back?" She stood and stretched.

"Yes." Sebastian's eyes didn't leave the page he was on. "He is back in one of those rooms." He jerked his thumb towards the back of the apartment. "Has been for about two hours."

"Thanks." She patted his shoulder as she walked by.

She tried to quietly make her way down the hall to the bathroom, but as she got closer to passing by the open bedroom door she could hear the reaper humming to himself. She peeked around the edge of the doorway to see him ironing some tan colored dress pants that were most likely Castiels. He would iron them and then fold them neatly before placing them on top of the pile of similar pants. Beside the pants were some light blue shirts hung on hangers and laid out flat on the bed.

"It helps me to act as if he could show up any minute." Grell mused without looking towards her. "Like he'll just waltz in with some greasy hamburgers he picked up from some rundown mom and pop restaurant and show them to me with a grin on his face. Like a child who has found a butterfly and caught it in a jar." His voice hitched slightly.

"We will find him." She crossed the room and placed her hand on the tall man's shoulder. "I promise."

He looked at her, tears in his eyes. "I know." He smiled sadly. "I know."

#crazililwabbit #supernatural #blackbutler #kuroshitsuji #crossoverfic #burnaSPNcrossover #chaptertwo #youknowyou'llalwayslose #ElizabethWinchester

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horansqueen · 3 years

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New Angel - Chapter 39

story masterlist [x]

chapter 1 ☆ chapter 2 ☆ chapter 3 ☆ chapter 4 ☆ chapter 5 ☆ chapter 6 ☆ chapter 7 ☆ chapter 8 ☆ chapter 9 ☆ chapter 10 ☆ chapter 11 ☆ chapter 12 ☆ chapter 13 ☆ chapter 14 ☆ chapter 15 ☆ chapter 16 ☆ chapter 17 ☆ chapter 18 ☆ chapter 19 ☆ chapter 20 ☆ chapter 21 ☆ chapter 22 ☆ chapter 23 ☆ chapter 24 ☆ chapter 25 ☆ chapter 26 ☆ chapter 27 ☆ chapter 28 ☆ chapter 29 ☆ chapter 30 ☆ chapter 31 ☆ chapter 32 ☆ chapter 33 ☆ chapter 34 ☆ chapter 35 ☆ chapter 36 ☆ chapter 37 ☆ chapter 38

NOTES

☆ written from Niall’s pov ☆ i don’t proofread, I never do, I hate it. ☆ AU comedy/fluff/smut/romance ☆ 2.5k ☆ i accept requests and ideas for this story, so message me in my inbox! Pretty sure no one will by now but its alright :) ☆ if you want to be notified when this story is updated (or be taken off the update list) CLICK HERE

NIALL

When I woke up the next day, it was already late in the afternoon. I let out a groan and it took a few seconds before my eyes fluttered open. They met Millie's who was laying on her side, holding her head with her hand and her upper arm on the mattress as she stared at me. My lips curled when I saw her and I moved closer, pressing my lips against hers gently.

"How long have you been watching me?"

She shrugged and sent me a smile before licking her lips. "A while." she admitted in a low tone. "Your lips part a bit sometimes and you breathe loudly."

"Oh yea?"

"Mmhm."

We stared at each other some more and i felt something twist in my stomach. I was about to bring my hand to her cheek but she started talking again and I remained motionless instead.

"I called sick," she admitted, pressing her lips together. "It's a lie, I'm not sick at all."

I chuckled at how cute she was. The way her eyes stared at me as if she felt half-guilty, half-happy made me move my head closer to her on my pillow. Her eyes followed me and I moved my chin up to see her better. Her eyebrows caressed gently her cheek bones as she stared at me and I swallowed hard.

"So you want us to spend the day at home?" I asked before she nodded slowly, almost childishly.

"Okay, but we need a shower."

Her lips curled and she chuckled, trying to hide a bigger smile by pressing her lips together again. I laughed and moved closer to kiss her nose before quickly pushing the covers off of me and getting up. She followed me and my heart skipped a beat when I realized she was wearing one of my shirts and a pair of panties. I didn't mention anything until we were in the bathroom but after starting the shower, I glanced at her and smirked, taking my shirt off.

"You know this is my fave outfit on you, don't you?"

"Your shirt and my knickers?" she asked, raising her eyebrows with an amused smile.

"Yea. Or just my shirt, really." I admitted, taking a step closer to her. "It just turns me on to see you in my clothes.. like we were connected, or that i was a part of you, and you were a part of me."

Her smile fell and her lips parted very lightly. "You mean that?"

"Mmhm." I just said, nodding. "I also enjoy thinking you could be mine. And i love when you don’t wear many clothes so that's perfect."

Her lips curled again and she rolled her eyes. "Romantic little fucker."

I smirked and wrapped my arms around her waist, bringing her closer and bending down slightly to lean my forehead against hers. I had never seen her wear Louis' clothes, or anyone else's, actually, and somehow, it made me feel something inside. Something that reminded me of pride and possessiveness invaded me but I just breathed in deeply,

"You have no idea." I whispered, making her giggle.

I kissed her lips and moved back only to take my boxers off, leaving them on the cold tiles before getting in the shower. I was tempted to look back and watch her get undressed but I waited impatiently for her to join me and groaned slightly when I watched water fall on her hair, her hair sticking to her cheeks, neck and shoulders.

"Are we here to get clean or fuck, exactly?" she asked, chuckling low and raising her eyebrows.

"You're making me wonder."

We got cleaned quickly but from time to time, I'd feel her hands sliding down my chest or brushing against my butt. It made me smile every time but I didn't comment. I liked that she always had to be close to me, to touch me, I didn't even know she realized that she was doing it.

We ended up in bed again, both laying on our backs and looking at the ceiling. Leo was laying at the end of the bed with us in silence. I had closed the curtains and the room was quite dark but we could see each other and it's all that mattered. I grabbed her hand with mine and brought it up, our arms straight up in the air, and intertwined our fingers.

"This is perfect, I hope you know that." she admitted after a while, squeezing our fingers more.

"It is. You and I, alone in an empty apartment, free to do anything we want." I pointed out with a soft smile. "I can't think of anything better."

Silence took place between us and Millie cleared her throat, making me frown slightly. I felt her nervous next to me but waited until she was ready to talk.

"Do you think Louis will ever forgive me?"

Something twisted in my stomach and slowly, I brought her hand closer and kissed the back of it gently. I felt bad knowing I couldn't reassure her without a doubt and I turned around to face her, waiting until she would turn her head my way. She finally did and I could have sworn she was crying.

"Louis and you have been friends and even more than that for so long, I don't think he'll allow this relationship to die completely. I can't imagine him never talking to us again. I can't talk for him or promise you anything but, knowing Louis, he'll come back eventually. Who knows how long it takes to get over this?"

I kept my voice low and soft and heard her sniff. I wanted to comfort her the best I could but I felt like I had failed and it made me swallow hard, trying to get rid of the lump in my throat.

"I got over this because of you, Niall. It's you I needed with me, not him. I know it's horrible to say but I don't think I could have done it without you. I know I should have gone through all that with him but it didn't feel right." she paused and I realized I was holding my breath. "I don't think you understand how important it was for me that you were there. I don't think you understand how important you are, for me, Niall."

My eyes roamed on her and I blinked a few times. The thoughts and the feelings kept invading me, bouncing in my head and stomach like a tennis ball, hitting me in the guts and shaking my brain in a way I couldn't explain. I felt lost, speechless, and extremely touched.

"Can you... get us a snack?"

"A.. a snack? Why?"

I sat up and turned my upper body her way, bending closer a bit. "Please. Don't ask any question, okay? It's important."

It took her a few seconds where she was staring at me and she finally nodded, getting out of bed and leaving the room. I put sweatpants on and opened the first drawer of my bedside table, grabbing a few sheets and closing it. I let my eyes roam quickly on the words written and then grabbed a pen before scribbling a few things on one of the sheets. I don't know how long I did that but after a while, I felt her presence near me. She was in the room and my back was facing her, but I knew she was looking at me.

"Niall? I made us sandwiches. And tea."

I didn't answer but just got up and turned around, noticing she had also put clothes on. A pair of sweatpants similar to mine and a t-shirt with a cat on it. She looked cute and I walked up to her, grabbing a shirt and following her to the kitchen. She sat at the table but I just shook my head slowly.

"No, we're going on the roof."

She frowned but didn't ask anything. We both brought the food and got on the roof in silence. I put the mattress we had used before on the ground and sat on it, patting next to me to incite her to sit down with me. I closed on eyes as the sun setting was making it hard to see and when she finally sat next to me, I smiled when I realized the sun behind her head made her face darker. The sun was like a shining halo around her head and I licked my eyes.

"My angel."

She chuckled and tilted her head, letting the sun get back in my eyes and I blinked quickly.

"Why are we here, Niall?"

"To watch the sun set."

She remained silent and nodded, licking her lips, her eyes roaming on the sky and the high buildings near. I was trying to find the right words but it wasn't easy. I knew how I felt and what I wanted to say, but somehow, the words were confused in my head and making a coherent speech seemed almost impossible. I breathed in and out loudly and my eyes fell again on the sheets in my hand. I was holding them so hard I could barely feel my fingers anymore.

"You remember this?" I asked, handing her two of the sheets in my hands.

She frowned but grabbed them, her expression changing quickly before she looked back up at me.

"Yes of course. We never finished those lists. One with the reasons why I was better off without Louis, and one with pros and cons of Summer and Grace, to find out which one you should date."

"Mmhm." I just replied, looking down at the single sheet in my hands, feeling my heartbeats accelerate. "After the lists were forgotten, I started a new one. I never stopped writing this one, though. I feel as though it will never be complete. But I also think it's time to give it to you."

Silence took place between us again but she turned her whole body around to face me. "Okay."

"Remember when you said you didn't want to ruin our friendship? That it was crazy to risk our friendship for a love story that may never last? You said it was not worth it."

"That's not what I meant, Niall..."

I looked up in her eyes and sighed. "You said you didn't want to risk ruining our friendship, but the truth it, I want to. I want to risk it all, I'm ready to risk everything for you, Millie. I'm ready to risk being sad and heartbroken like I'd never be in my life because of the strength of my feelings. If I get to be with you, to be loved by you, if I get to be yours, I'm ready to risk my own sanity." I paused and breathed in. "For you. For me. For us and what we have. For our feelings and how happy I know we could be."

My hand shaking a bit, I handed her the paper and noticed a tear running down her right cheek. I wanted to wipe it and kiss her but I just waited until she grabbed the paper.

"Reasons why Niall and Millie are meant to be." she read out loud but softly before swallowing hard. Her eyes moved to the second column and she read it too. "Cons."

That column was empty while the other was filled and her eyes roamed on the paper quickly, trying to read everything at the same time.

"H-How long have you been working on this, Niall."

"A few weeks. But I added the last few points today."

Her eyes didn't leave the sheet for so long I felt like time had stopped but soon, the sky was set and the night was up. It was starting to be dark outside and I noticed Millie shivering.

"Can I keep it?" she asked low. I could hear her voice break anyway and it made my heart twist in my chest.

"Yes. It's yours."

She folded it and pushed it in the pockets of her sweatpants before laying down on the mattress, her head on my lap. I hadn't expected it but she buried her face in my stomach and quickly, my hand reached for her hair, gripping it maybe a bit too tight as the emotions were still sending rush after rush from my brain to every extremities of my body. My vision became blurry but I tried to keep my tears in. Millie, on the other hand, was crying. I could feel her shake slightly on me but I didn't say anything. I just waited. I waited until the sky was strewn with stars and that the city illuminated. I waited until Millie finally sat up, her eyes puffy and red. They met mine and I held my breath as she licked her lips that were, weirdly, slightly swollen too.

"You're right, Niall." she admitted, swallowing hard. "The truth is, when I told you all that, I desperately wanted you to disagree, to insist. I didn't think that's what I wanted but when you agreed with me, I realized I had been lying to myself. That time we watched the stars together, the day after we kissed, when you picked me up at the library.. I already loved you. It made no sense in my head, because I was still mourning my relationship with Louis... but when you were near, when you kissed me, when you touched me.. He didn't exist at all. It was only you, Niall. It scared me but I wanted it. I needed it."

She moved closer and I let her, closing my eyes as she grabbed the back of my head and pulled me gently closer. Her lips pressed against mine and when she deepened the kiss, I could taste the saltiness of her tears.

"You will always be my best friend, Niall." she whispered against my mouth. "But I'd be fucking stupid If I didn't admit I wanted to be your girlfriend, too."

I smiled against her lips, a sensation I could never get enough of invading me. It was a mix of too much love, excitement and happiness invading me at the same time. It was fucking incredible and I felt overwhelmed in the best fucking way ever.

"It's about time, petal."

"Better late than never."

We kissed some more and when she pulled away, she was crying again but this time, there was a smile spread on her lips.

"Did you ever wish on a shooting star?" she finally asked, looking back up at the sky.

"I don't need to. I would have wished for you. But you're here."

She turned back to me and her eyelids fluttered. She moved closer again, her lips brushing on my cheek as I closed my eyes.

"Promise me you'll always tell me things like that." she asked in a murmur. "Promise me you'll always care."

I grabbed both her cheeks, spreading my fingers on them and tilting her chin up to look in her eyes. I could see the lights reflecting in them and my heart skipped a beat. It was impossible for me to stop being in love with this woman. I knew it, and she had to know it, too.

"I promise."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan love story #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #niall horan au #my fanfics #newangel

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jacewilliams1 · 5 years

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Flying Air Force officers around in Sabreliners

It is hard to imagine the Air Force once had more pilots than it knew how to handle and lots of cockpits to use. You’ve probably heard of the North American Sabreliner, known in Air Force livery as the CT-39. The CT-39 designation is sort of a fooler, since it was neither a cargo aircraft or really trainer. Actually, maybe it was the foreshadowing of FedEx and NetJets.

In Vietnam it had the call sign SCATBACK, moving between bases in Vietnam, the Philippines and Thailand carrying photos from RF-101 and RF-4C missions to Saigon; hauling (small) high priority spare parts, keeping aircraft operational while awaiting parts from PACAF and CONUS; and moving general officers and their emissaries with “words” from headquarters to the guys flying combat missions or, in some cases feedback on what was really going on “up country.”

In my time, the Sabreliner was generally used for moving general officers about the Air Force on official business. In the seventies and eighties anywhere there was a lieutenant general (three star) or above you’d find at least one CT-39 on the airfield. At major headquarters, you’d find a small fleet. At Langley we had a Military Airlift Command (MAC) Detachment (the Det) led by a career MAC pilot and staffed with several field grade officers for planning and supervision.

The Det also had several very junior officers, a few first lieutenants and several junior captains. MAC sent their junior guys to Dets like Langley, Andrews, Offutt, and Peterson Field to build flying time, seasoning them for their next assignments in BIG MAC, the hard-core airlift forces of C-5 Galaxies, C-141 Starlifters, and C-130 Hercules.

Filling out the Det’s aircrew complement at Langley were field grade officers out of the TAC staff. Mostly guys with over a thousand hours of fighter time. I’m not really sure how this was justified. We had all met our gates in terms of flying time and had full time jobs on a staff working ten plus-hour days during the week and healthy half days on Saturday. No matter what the reason we were, to use the British term, seconded over to MAC for their CT-39 crew force.

The T-39 was better known as a Sabreliner in the civilian world.

The move into Little MAC was straightforward. You were booked into a training program: two weeks in St. Louis, Missouri, with FlightSafety for ground school and simulator work. The third week you moved over to Scott Air Force Base for five rides in the CT-39 with MAC including a checkride in the Sabreliner.

You also got a tour of DOOF, the MAC Headquarters office responsible for scheduling CT-39 sorties across the United States. You learned they were a hard-working and generally competent group, but like weathermen, on occasion didn’t look outside their office to see what was really going on in “the world.” They knew what needed to be done, but didn’t always know what was in the way of really executing the specific mission.

Back at Langley, TAC CT-39 pilots became taffy between the Det and their bosses on the staff. The Det nominally scheduled their TAC help for two-four flying days a month. About once a quarter, you had a “local proficiency sortie.” This typically consisted of an Instructor Pilot from the Det and two TAC guys. The objective was to work on the proficiency requirements you didn’t get with passengers aboard, all the funny approaches (single engine, no flap, back course ILS and localizer-only approaches), and touch and go landings. All were performed from both the left and right seats. This sortie consumed about two hours’ flying time.

Sidebar: On more than one occasion, these locals included taking on an FAA check pilot and getting single-engine pilots multiengine qualified and, in some cases, fill ATP squares. A perk to those who wanted to have that option for sure.

Mission days were full twelve-hour crew duty days. We usually stayed east of the Mississippi.

A day’s mission usually included three flights. Lots of time in and out of Andrews, Hanscom Field and Wright Patt. We’d typically start our day around 0630 and end twelve hours later. On occasion there was a Remain Over Night (RON) when mission extension and crew duty day considerations were factors. That usually meant another day in the airlift system and away from the desk.

Important to note: all of our scheduled flights were laid on to support specific personnel movements. Usually senior officers and some of the staff they wanted for support. If we had seats open, we always checked Base Operations for any stand-by going where we were headed. I can never recall a senior officer not releasing any seats he wasn’t using for a stand-by pax.

Often no one wanted to go to places like Scott AFB near St. Louis, Missouri, or Shaw AFB in the middle of South Carolina, but in many cases they did. I recall two female Marine captains jumping at the chance to go to Dover AFB, Delaware – their response to the offer was, “Yea, Rehoboth Beach – we are on the way.” Fasten your seatbelts, and don’t bother the general.

Having two bosses – the Det, and your one on the staff – was a source of tension. Det planned on your availability about 90 days in advance and understandably didn’t take to changes to their crew schedule. Your boss didn’t have much sympathy when staff deadlines arose or the questions on your action were coming across his desk while you were on the road. One thing for sure: your future depended on keeping your boss at TAC happy.

Early T-39s had very basic cockpits – no autopilots here.

Now my impressions of the Sabreliner. A good-looking biz jet – it had a look of the MiG killing F-86 namesake that appealed. Our CT-39s were basic. No autopilot, no anti-skid, no weather radar, usually four passenger seats, a bench in the back that covered the commode – don’t think anyone I ever had on board had the courage or need to use it. We had a carry-on coffee urn we filled at the start of the mission. Usually base ops joe in a paper cup or a can of Coke was the bring-your-own refreshments.

The cockpit was relatively modern and comfortable. Left seat felt pretty much like a T-38 with a flight director. Right seat felt and looked like you were in a T-37 – crosscheck was like typing, opposed to the classic T on the left side. Wheels were different for me. One MAC procedure that I never got comfortable with was that the pilot flying didn’t talk on the radio. The non-flyer was the talker. If I concentrated I could put the gear and flaps down and have the other guy call it, but it never felt right.

Flying qualities were enjoyable. One negative for me was the narrow main gear and the tendency to be a touch light on its feet and weathervane in a crosswind. Of course, most things do feel light when you’ve flown the F-4 for very long. Wet runways and crosswinds reminded you to fly it all the way to turn off and be conscious of hydroplaning where there was much rubber on the runway. In the air, it was easy trim and synch the two engines for a pleasant and low workload ride.

With the Sabre-like wing it was a very comfortable cruise in the high 30s, and even in the low 40s, although up high the cruise speed could be close to where the engines were worth minding. I want to say it was fun to fly, but with passengers you really weren’t looking for fun, just smooth work and on-time arrivals.

I accrued a little over 200 hours in the Sabreliner, and fortunately had few notable events where I had that pucker factor that comes with the business. Some things I do remember:

Taking a senior officer to the Air Force facility at O’Hare International, and being stepped to four different runways inside ten miles. Rolling out and turning off the active and getting a call from ground, something like, “Little fellow, just listen up and I’ll get you to the Guard ramp without a stop in the penalty box.” Progressive taxi in other words – good by me.

Picking up two plain clothes fellows with “permits to carry” and dropping them off at the end of an airfield near Buffalo, New York, to watch them depart in a dark Suburban. Also OK by me.

Making an early takeoff out of Offutt one February where 8000 feet of the middle of the runway had to be scraped and de-iced so a senator could get home for a luncheon. His only comment on deplaning at Andrews was the coffee was cold and he wished we could have landed at Washington National.

One day when our third leg would have us make a night approach into Dayton International per the direction of DOOF. Weather near our minimums, ice on the runway, strong crosswinds, and Wright Patterson closed due to visibility and ice. Our ILS was unreliable but my young MAC colleague was convinced it was imperative for us to go because “DOOF said so.” Nope, we didn’t even have a passenger, and the morning weather looked much better. A teaching moment. We had dinner at the Andrews Club and made our pick up in the AM – per the pax schedule.

Night flight topping a thunderstorm at FL410 and having hard rain (aka hail) hitting the top of the cockpit so loud that we could barely communicate. Never heard a sound like that with a canopy! All the while watching the TAS, IAS and EGT. Weather radar would have been nice.

I mentioned earlier the CT-39 was used mainly for the transportation of generals. It was a business jet in the true sense of that term. In my experience, the ranking passengers either worked on papers they were obliged to review, discussed matters with their staff, or actually got in the cockpit to do what they joined the Air Force to do – fly. (For the record, I never saw or loaded any golf gear on the jet. No doubt some golf was played while they were on extended trips – most courses had quality clubs to rent, and as long as you had suitable shoes you were good to go.)

The CT-39 was based on the famous F-86 “MiG killer.”

The criterion for getting a CT-39 scheduled was rank based. Generally (ha!) speaking two stars and above, as well as their civilian Senior Executive Service (SES) colleagues, were able to get a Sabreliner in the time slot requested. Lower ranks not so much. But, Americans are wont to game the system. Here’s one scheme I am familiar with. There was a System Program Director (SPD) with responsibility for a program very important to TAC. He was drawn to Langley routinely for discussions on the program and status updates. The SPD was a brigadier general select – low on the CT-39 totem pole. Howsomever, he had acquaintance with a SES on the staff at Wright Patterson.

This individual (informally known as “The Ticket”) had almost an emeritus status – not much responsibility on any given day and a very flexible schedule. So, the SPD would let him know he was going to Langley and ask him along. The answer was always OK. So, the trip was booked in the rank of the SES. The SPD had a ride to Langley and back, and the SES enjoyed a nice lunch and discussions with folks on the staff or at NASA.

I mentioned golf clubs. OK, here’s a flying fish story relating to what can happen when outside circumstances enter into VIP transportation situations. During the Nixon era, there was a Wing Commander at Homestead AFB with a son in the early teens who caught a nice but not trophy-sized fish. He was so excited he convinced his dad, a colonel at the time, to have the creature mounted – at no small cost. Time passed and the Wing Commander was promoted and reassigned to Germany.

The guy ordering the fish was gone when the trophy was delivered. It was prepaid, so it was dropped off for further action. Remember the Nixon administration? Here’s the connection. Key Biscayne. While Nixon was at his Florida White House, he didn’t encourage business visits. However, there were high-powered visitors, often landing at Homestead AFB. One was Henry Kissinger, making a visit before going to Paris for a Vietnam peace talk session.

The staff at the former wing commander’s office got the fish included on Kissinger’s military jet, and for forwarding on to its owner in Germany. No one knew the journey would include franking of the package with markings such as, Secretary of State’s aircraft enroute to the Paris Peace talks, then passed by the State Department to an official courier and again marked Diplomatic Material – Special Handling Required and expedited to Germany via official car.

The fish was delivered to the now Brigadier General’s office with fanfare. He had no idea what it was. Opened with his secretary in presence, he was dumbfounded to find “the fish.” Thoughts of fraud, waste and abuse quickly entered his mind. He made a few phone calls to Homestead and they pieced together the circumstances leading to the priority package. The brigadier advised his seniors of the situation. Fortunately, they were understanding and the record was set straight. Today that fish has a place of distinction in an “I love me room” and an unusual provenance. Why is this tale included? Just because it demonstrates how sometimes innocent intentions lead to misuse of government resources and actions. Sort of like buying a $30,000 desk for a government office.

The CT-39 played a useful role for years in the Air Force; it provided a good capability to transport senior officers quickly and cheaply and a platform to season young pilots, preparing them for bigger and better future assignments. Not mentioned in this discussion, it also served as a flying testbed for many avionics systems, particularly the generation of advanced radars and electronic warfare systems successfully deployed in Desert Storm. Today many of those trips by CT-39 are accomplished by video conference, documents go by internet, and priority parts go by FedEx, UPS and the like. For guys like me, it afforded a look at another part of the Air Force and an appreciation of how lucky we were to return to the flying we loved. And in spite of the conflict of being out of the office flying – it was still flying.

The post Flying Air Force officers around in Sabreliners appeared first on Air Facts Journal.

from Engineering Blog https://airfactsjournal.com/2019/01/flying-air-force-officers-around-in-sabreliners/

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andrewuttaro · 6 years

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New Look Sabres: Training Camp Closes

As we look back on this Training Camp we’ll look back and see that all the drama we expected was sucked up by two guys with chips on their shoulders. Tage Thompson: the towering reject of a St. Louis Blues organization rebuilding on the fly; and Alex Nylander: the rivalry pick of the 2016 Draft that suffered perhaps only from being a first round pick in the Buffalo Sabres organization in the age of the rebuild and being William Nylander’s brother. These two guys made the most of this Training Camp and it will be viewed as their camp for years to come. Unfortunately it became and either or situation with our two hungriest boys and Tage came out on the roster. The final group of Sabres players is being ironed out as I write. October is here and as the NHL Board of Governors meets today the League also requires Opening Day rosters by 5pm. That doesn’t mean we’ll know exactly who plays Thursday night because Jason Botterill rarely reveals his hand. Projecting what the final roster will look like going into the season is fairly easy at this point but I’ll leave it to the smart guys. If you’ve been reading New Look Sabres through the Preseason you know what my preferences were for Thursday night. Also, you might know I have some crow to eat.

Ok Alex, the time has come. A month ago I called you “the lesser Nylander brother” and I implied you were a far less than satisfactory solution on the wing. You have proven me wrong. At some point you just came alive and became a contributor. Perhaps the bias against you of mine and many others was founded in your injury time last year. Perhaps you were rushed into the AHL under Tim Murray. Perhaps all that adds up to the reality that you were never as bad as some of us thought. I’m sorry, Alexander. I am sorry for selling you so short. I apologize for any offense this may have caused you. You did so good this preseason I wish you had made the roster. And, since my mocking words came before the Prospect Tournament, I can always say you’re welcome for the motivation. Did I help light a fire under Alexander Nylander? Does Alex read this blog? We don’t know… therefore he does! I’m taking credit. You’re welcome, Buffalo.

All bygones and jokes aside, Training Camp has been fun but some guys you may have wanted to make the team will start in Rochester or elsewhere for a multitude of reasons. The defense has been reinforced by the Dahlin effect. If you’re looking for me to explain the Tennyson situation you came to the wrong place. It looks like he may be carried as an extra which doesn’t make it acceptable just less offensive. It looked like Lawrence Pilut could make it and I understand the disappointment there. He will probably be the first defenseman call up if Brendan Guhle doesn’t light the AHL on fire. Amongst the forwards I already mentioned Nylander and Thompson. CJ Smith looked so good in Rochester last season and he fits the profile of your traditional grit guy. He’ll be back to Buffalo soon. Rasmus Asplund looked great but I am totally okay with him fermenting a little bit more in the AHL with how new he is in the organization. Sean Malone got a good look but that turned out to be a lot of hometown bias. Andrew Oglevie similarly got a good look but I am so ok with him carving out his role in Rochester and I think JB feels the same way. Zemgus Girgensons I now think will remain on the team even if he’s scratched a lot of nights, he’s earned it and this drive to jettison anyone who isn’t young and exciting has to relax occasionally. The Jason Botterill regime is not afraid to terminate the non-performers, just ask Nick Baptise. It’s over for more than a few of guys in this organization. I don’t think we need to ostracize the ones who hold on. Enough of these lukewarm roster takes. It’s time for some team-wide last minute HOT TAKES!

The Buffalo Sabres are known for bad starts. Every season in the Eichel Era and several before he got here have seen tepid first steps out of the gates. If we want to feel the way we did about the Sabres in the late 2000s, those feelings of possibility, like shit could actually happen, we’re going to need this team to win more games than it loses before Thanksgiving (American). If you look at the schedule for October there are few games that you can point to and say there’s no way Buffalo wins that game. The first four games are at home. San Jose and Anaheim will be a challenge as always and Columbus won’t be a pushover but I refuse to believe teams like Montreal and Colorado will be tough games. The Sabres did finish dead last in 2017-2018 but that won’t happen again and there is simply too much talent to not be competitive this season. I am not an expert; I expect to be wrong so I am going to be real specific with how I think October goes. The Buffalo Sabres are going to start much hotter than recent years at 7-3-2 in the month of October. Oh, I’m just getting started: Rasmus Dahlin scores a goal on or before Columbus Day. That’s three games, all at home, within a week from yesterday. The Sabres defense will look night and day different compared to last season scoring in September even while Rasmus Dahlin makes his fair share of rookie mistakes. Jack Eichel is going to drive a forward core that can handle rookie mistakes from up and down the lineup. He’ll get real fiery at times, reminding Botterill and the Front Office why they made him Captain (wink wink). Jack Eichel will score seven goals before Halloween (American). Hmm, I feel one more hot take rising from within… the Rochester Americans will dominate the AHL North Division this season! AAAGGGGHHH! I am so ready for hockey I could drive my head through a wall!!

Alright, I’m calming down. Let’s bring this baby home. If you’re going to watch some non-Sabres games on NHL opening night tomorrow you ought to start with the Washington Capitals game. I am a sucker for a good banner raising and I’ve been open about how I can appreciate the Caps’ first Cup. Also, let’s hope that game gets Boston tired for us the night after. Then you don’t even need to change the channel to see Erik Karlsson’s debut in San Jose. We American viewers basically have to watch these two games but nights like this it isn’t a terrible fate. We’re entering the real deal now. Apart from monthly Amerks Updates, every post from here on out is about a game, a Sabres Fan Reaction if you will. One way or another it’s going to be fun. Imagine me as the guy who writes all the feels you have after a game into a single blog post. Yea, don’t expect a breakdown of time-on-ice versus corsi from me. I just write feels, really. I hope that’s worth a follow and a share. This Sabres season has a feeling of high hope and no matter what happens to those hopes, come and read New Look Sabres this hockey season!

Thanks for reading.

P.S. Nick Baptise getting shipped out of town while Evan Rodrigues makes the roster must have Justin Bailey looking around like the lone survivor of his unit on D-Day. The what-the-hell-are-you troop got thinned out real quick.

#buffalo sabres #hockey #nhl #blog

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horansqueen · 3 years

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New Angel - Chapter 19

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☆ written from Niall’s pov ☆ i don’t proofread, I never do, I hate it. ☆ AU comedy/fluff/smut/romance ☆ 2.5k ☆ i accept requests and ideas for this story, so message me in my inbox! ☆ if you want to be notified when this story is updated (or be taken off the update list) CLICK HERE

NIALL

When I woke up, Millie was still asleep, her lips parted as she snored softly. I stared at her a few seconds but decided to get up slowly and walked to the kitchen after closing the door gently behind myself. I started making coffee and grabbed my phone to check my notifications. I clicked on Louis' name and licked my lips trying to find a way to make this whole fight stop. Now that I was finally close with Millie, I didn't want to lose Louis, and even if I knew Millie was not ready to be friends with Louis again, the thought of the three of us being best friends together sounded amazing. I wanted it to be possible at some point and for that, I had to solve my problems with Louis.

'Hey mate, how about Millie, you and I spend sunday evening together?'

I didn't want to explain that it was to solve things and I didn't want to have to point out that it was only the three of us, meaning that he couldn't bring his girlfriend. I liked to believe that he was smart enough to understand that but the last few times he could spare Millie some pain, he didn't, and I felt the need to add something.

'Just the three of us, you know? Maybe we could save this friendship.'

I watched the coffee fall for a few minutes and finally poured some in my favorite mug before I heard my phone beep. I raised my eyebrows when I realized it was Louis, surprised that he was up this early, and sighed low of relief when I read his answer.

'worth a shot. i'll be there.'

Now, I just had Millie to convince. And I knew it was not going to be an easy task.

---

It was not what I had expected. There were so many people in the apartment that I was starting to be scared someone would call the police on us. I kept going from the kitchen to the living room and even sometimes checked the bedrooms to make sure no one was breaking anything until Millie grabbed my arm to stop me and handed me a glass. I looked in her eyes and she raised her eyebrows, moving the glass closer to me. I stared down at it for a few seconds and finally grabbed it before swallowing everything in it. It burned down my throat and I grimaced, making Millie chuckle as she grabbed the glass from my hands.

"I wanted you to relax but if you empty that fast all the glasses of vodka I'll bring you, you'll be drunk in half an hour." she pointed, out, pulling on my arm.

I followed her and blinked a few times before she turned around to smile at me for half a second and finally looked back in front of her. It made my lips curl slightly too and when we reached the kitchen, she grabbed the bottle of vodka and filled my glass again.

"You're not drinking?" I asked, taking a sip from the drink she was handing me.

"No, I told you last night." she reminded me, shrugging a shoulder and leaning against the counter. "There's too many people and I want to make sure everything and everyone is alright."

"I thought we did that to celebrate our week together!" I argued, drinking what was left in my glass and making her chuckle.

"Yea well, I can do that without alcohol now can't I?" she shrugged, handing me what was left of the vodka bottle.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" I asked with half a smirk, taking the bottle and grabbing her fingers at the same time. "Trying to get in me pants, yeah?"

"Exactly." she replied with sarcasm, sending me a cheeky smile. "I love riding drunk idiots who can't make me get an orgasm."

She walked past me and I frowned, turning around and moving my fingers up, following her quickly.

"Okay first off I'm not drunk, and also I give intense and amazing orgasms, even when I'm drunk. Which I'm not, by the way." I stopped in the hall and frowned a bit. "Did you put drugs in that vodka or something?"

"No!" she replied, turning around swiftly to face me. I watched as her hair danced around her head and swallowed hard. "What did you eat today, Niall?"

"Uhm, oatmeal? And eggs."

"Like, ten hours ago?" she argued, shaking her head with her eyebrows raised. "I'll get you some candies okay?"

I chuckled, not really understanding how candies could sustain me but I followed her to her room anyway. I leaned against the door frame, watching as she opened a few drawers and came back with a big pack of sour patch kids, pushing it on my chest and making my lips curl more.

"I prescribe two candies for every sip."

"Yes, doctor." I joked, making her roll her eyes with a smile.

We walked out of her room and I heard her close the door but immediately, I lost my smile as I came face to face with someone I didn't remember inviting. I looked at her, her perfect lips parting and her big brown eyes staring into mine. Grace was gorgeous and I thought my heart would jump in my chest at her sight but it didn't.

"Niall, hey." she let out, pressing her lips together and placing a lock of her hair behind her ear. "Uhm, Cole invited me."

"Who?"

"Oh he's a guy I work with." Millie pointed out, sending my ex girlfriend a smile. "Hey Grace. I'll leave you too."

She grabbed my upper arm and squeezed it gently, sending me a fond smile, and disappeared in the mob of people.

I finally put my attention back on Grace and she licked her lips nervously, glancing at the hall. "Can we talk in private?"

I glanced at her hands, noticing she was playing with her fingers, and it made me think about my list. The only positive point I had time to write down was that I loved her, but now that she was here in front of me, I was not sure it was the kind of love that deserved to me saved. Grace was gorgeous, and I had hoped for a future together, but not anymore.

"Yea, alright.

We ended up in my room and I just sat on the bed, watching her close the door behind herself. My eyes followed her as she walked up to me and sat very close to me, her thigh brushing against mine slightly. I looked down at her pants rubbing against mine and was surprised when I realized it didn't do anything to me anymore.

"I miss you so much." I looked up at her and held my breath when I realized she was tearing up. "I get it, you know. You don't want to be with me anymore because I've hurt you, and I can't blame you. But I'd give anything for a second chance."

She grabbed my hand and squeezed my fingers but I couldn't get enough strength inside of me to do it back. She moved closer, sliding her other hand on my thigh and I looked down at it as my heartbeats accelerated. I felt paralyzed, torn between accepting her gesture and giving in one last time, or stopping her before it went too far. I closed my eyes, trying to make a decision but it's only when I felt her play with my zipper that my eyes opened quickly and I noticed she was on her knees.

"Grace, wait..."

"I just want to make you feel good." she whispered as I held my breath, my eyes roaming on her.

"I know, and I appreciate it, but Grace I can't." I got up and bent down to help her get up too but when my eyes met hers, I noticed she was tearing up.

"So, it's really over?"

That thought made my heart jump in my chest and I swallowed hard. I felt a bit dizzy and tipsy and I kept wondering if I would regret this in the morning. Would I regret not letting her put my dick in her mouth? But most of all, would I regret the words I was about to let out?

"Yes. It's really over."

Once again, she pressed her lips together but this time, I knew it was to stop the tears from getting out and as she turned around, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I grabbed it and answered without thinking of checking who was calling and my heart stopped for half a second when I heard Summer on the line.

"Niall?"

"Oh, hey, darling." I let out, glancing at Grace who had quickly turned around with a frown. "How are you?"

"Do you have a new girlfriend?" Grace asked, getting closer to me again.

She didn't seem mad at all but I could read pain in her eyes and it made my heart twist in my chest. Yes, Grace had hurt me, and perhaps I had wished that she would hurt just as bad a few weeks ago, but not anymore. If I could spare her the pain, I would do it.

"Niall? Are you with an other girl?" I heard Summer's voice again.

I closed my eyes, trying not to sigh, and shook my head slightly. "Yea, my ex girlfriend is here." I explained. "There's a party at my place."

"Oh, uhm, great!" she let out, making me frown slightly, my eyes still shut. "We needed a break! I'll see you!"

I opened my lips to answer something but she just hung up and I let my head fall back on my shoulders. I thought I'd spend a nice evening getting drunk and laughing with my friends but instead, my girl problems were all going to be there to ruin the mood.

When I opened my eyes, Grace was gone and even if I wouldn't admit it, it was a relief. I walked out of my room to join everyone and noticed Louis sitting on the couch, his girlfriend on his lap as they were both laughing with two guys I didn't know. I decided to go grab a beer in the fridge and started looking for Millie without much success. After twenty minutes or so, Louis noticed me and nodded as a greeting. I did the same and sent him a small smile that he sent back and just when I thought my heart was back to a normal beating, Grace appeared again in front of me. This time, she was clearly drunk and she moved so close to me that I took a small step back.

"I can't believe you replaced me so fast, Niall." she whispered, tilting her head and looking at me with tired eyes. "Is she prettier than me? Does she give better blow jobs than me?"

I frowned and shook my head slightly. I couldn't tell my ex girlfriend that Summer was clearly not ready to go that far. Not only was it none of her business but she was also too tipsy to really understand anything I would say.

"Grace, come on, I didn't replace you." I argued in a soft tone.

"No?"

"Of course not, you know it." I repeated, moving my chin down and opening my eyes more to look into hers. "I really loved you."

I thought it would ease the pain a bit even if I had used the past tense but I didn't think she'd actually just move closer and crush her lips against mine. I held my breath in surprise but it took me a few seconds to move away and when I looked up, I noticed Summer staring at me with sad eyes, her lips open.

"Holy shit." I murmured, knowing that even if I was theoretically single, there was a storm coming at me very soon.

"Wow, great way to get an answer to my confession." Summer let out, tearing up and shaking her head. "Fuck off."

She turned around, her long blond hair moving quickly in a ponytail, and I closed my eyes with a sigh. I knew I had to run to her and even if I really didn't want to have this discussion, I did it anyway.

"Summer, wait." I said calmly, grabbing her wrist gently and making her turn around. "Grace kissed me without telling me. I'm sorry, okay? You were not supposed to see that because it wasn't supposed to happen."

"That's such a relief." she added sarcastically again, taking her arm back and crossing them on her chest. "Did you miss me?"

I felt my heart twist in my chest and my lips parted. She noticed my hesitation and sniffed, wiping a single tear that was sliding down her cheek, making me feel extremely guilty.

"Did you take the time to think about what I told you, at least?"

"All I know is that I don't want a relationship for now."

Summer nodded slowly, looking away, and I knew she was making extra effort not to cry. I wanted to move closer and take her in my arms but something made me think it was not a good idea at all.

"Alright, well I need some time."

Quickly, she turned around and disappeared but this time, I didn't follow her. I just turned on my heels too and walked to the kitchen, opening the freezer to grab a bottle of jack. I didn't even take the time to take a glass and swallowed a long sip directly from the bottle. The glass was cold in my hand and I felt my fingers warm it but I took an other long sip, feeling my eyes water before to go back in the living room.

I realized I was not walking straight and that the room was moving only when I was close to the couch and I grabbed it to get my balance back before drinking again from the bottle even if I knew it was a bad idea. I took an other step, letting go of the couch and tripped on my own feet, falling on the hard wood floor. I was laying there, on my back, with a bunch of people looking at me, and I started laughing. The more I thought about everything that had happened on that night, the louder and harder I was laughing.

I kept laughing when Millie appeared, pushing people away and telling them to 'get the fuck away' from me, and also when she helped me up. I leaned against her, sending her an amused smile as I tried to contain my laughter but when she sent me mad eyes, I couldn't help but burst out again.

"Okay, you definitely need some fresh air." she pointed out, helping me out of the apartment, not even bothering to close the door behind us. "Then you can tell me everything that happened that made you want to intoxicate yourself until you can't even walk."

"Fuck love." I just replied, ignoring her comment. "I don't think I can ever love again. I won't fall in love ever again, until I die."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan story #niall horan love story #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #niall horan au #my fanfics #newangel

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horansqueen · 3 years

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New Angel - Chapter 17

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NIALL

As soon as I entered the bar, the smell of cigarettes invaded my nose. I raised it up slightly and tried to follow Millie through the mob of people already gathered near the scene. A few more were sitting at tables with a drink and I let my eyes roam around quickly until I felt a hand reach for mine. Millie squeezed my fingers and pulled on my hand gently. I was not really sure if it was so I would walk quicker or if she was just scared we'd lose each other but I squeezed her fingers back, apologizing as I pushed people on my way.

We ended up in front of the scene and I glanced back to see if anyone was pissed at us for stealing their spot until the lights turned down and everyone started screaming. Three guys appeared on stage and immediately started playing. One of them sent a smile to my best friend, greeting her with a small chin movement and a wink, and she smiled back, waving slightly.

When Millie proposed that we'd go see one of her friends' band play tonight, I didn't expect it to be in some unknown bar with a bunch of drunk losers but the atmosphere was nice and after the third song, I realized that I actually enjoyed the music even if it was not the type I normally listen to.

Millie was jumping around, dancing pretty much in the same way she did in the living room of our apartment, and it made me smile. I watched her for a few minutes until she turned around and bent down slightly to grab one of my hands. Without thinking, I pulled on it and made her twirl around. I couldn't hear her laughter but I saw her laugh when she faced me again and she pulled on my arm, inciting me to join her. We danced for a few minutes before I actually started feeling at ease but I couldn't help it and from time to time, I made her twirl around just to see her smile grown every single time.

I don't know how many songs they played or for how long but when they finally left to stage, I was panting and exhausting but the smile plastering my face wouldn't leave. We walked to the bar and its only when Millie let go of my hand to lean her elbows on the counter that I realized we had been hand in hand the whole time, even as we walked up to order drinks. It didn't bother me. In fact, it felt quite nice to get some human contact, and I stared at my friend as she ordered some fancy drink.

"So, how did you like it?" Millie asked, raising her eyebrows.

I blinked a few times, getting out of my thoughts slowly and my lips curled again. "They're amazing! How do you know them?"

Her nose raised up in a grimace and she shrugged a shoulder. "I dated the guitarist."

"Oh." I just said, a bit surprised.

He didn't seem to be her type but I didn't comment anything and just ordered a beer.

"Yea, I know. But I really liked him." she explained with a shrug, looking away.

"You don't have tio justify yourself, Mill." I pointed out, reaching for her arm and squeezing it gently.

She turned to me and sent me a smile but I jumped slightly when someone actually touched me. I turned around meeting the brown eyes of a gorgeous brunette who was sending me a smile, her head slightly tilted.

"Hey, uhm, I was wondering if you wanted to buy me a drink?"

I felt Millie's arm slip away from my hand but I remained motionless as I stared at the girl smiling at me. I was already having problems deciding between two girls, adding a third one to the story, even if only for one night, was way too much to handle at the moment. Besides, I knew she was gorgeous but for some reason, I was not attracted much. Perhaps the fact that I was not over Grace yet and that I was sort of seeing Summer didn't help but it didn't matter.

"I'm sorry, maybe an other day."

The girl's smile faltered for half a second and she finally just shrugged. "You don't know what you're missing."

She turned around and left, pushing her hair off her shoulder and it made me chuckle and shake my head. Somehow, she reminded me of Grace and it annoyed me. Was she really like Grace or was I just too obsessed with my ex girlfriend, resulting in me seeing her literally everywhere?

"Wow, that was awkward." I pointed out with an amused smile, turning to Millie who just raised her eyebrows.

"Imagine for me."

I frowned and moved my head but just as I was about to ask her what she meant, that guy from the band (and her ex boyfriend) appeared. She turned to him, sending him a big smile, and threw herself in his arms. He held her tight, lifting her of a few inches for two or three seconds and finally put her back down. I had no idea why but he was annoying me but I was not going to mention it.

I followed them to a table and somehow, as I watched them interact, I realized that I barely knew anything about the old relationships Millie had had before Louis. I couldn't understand how I had not been interested in befriending this girl before and it was crazy to think we could have had this friendship years before if we had taken the time to talk.

Millie and Peter talked for half an hour and every time he made her laugh, I frowned and I was not sure why. It was a bit scary to think she could want to go back to this guy because of how badly Louis had hurt her and at the same time, I would understand if she wanted to throw herself into something new if only to forgot or try to move on. After all, I had started some sort of relationship with Summer even if I was clearly not ready to move on from Grace.

I got out of my thoughts and held my breath when I noticed Millie leaning her head against his shoulder and just quickly got up to get an other drink. I knew it was better if I gave them some space but when I walked back to the table, Millie was getting up. I frowned as she turned to me and sent me a smile and I couldn't help but smile back at her.

"Do you want to leave?"

"If it's okay with you."

I nodded and took a long sip of my beer before handing it to her. She smiled a bit and took it from my hand, swallowing what was left and leaving it on the table.

"Thank you."

"Of course, pet."

I was expecting her to complain about the nickname but she just walked past me and I followed her until we were out of the bar. We remained silent for a while as we walked to my car and after a while, I just licked my lips and glanced at her.

"Did something happen with Peter?" I asked softly, making her turn around and frown at me. "You seem... I don't know... sad."

Millie avoided my gaze and brought her shoulder up as she wrapped her arms around her waist. Without thinking, I took my hoodie off and handed it to her. She stopped walking and looked at the navy sweater in my hands before shaking her head slightly.

I didn't insist but let my arm fall down next to me with a sigh. "What's wrong, Mill?"

She sighed too but turned around to keep walking. It's only when we reached my car that she leaned her butt against it and closed her eyes. I took a step closer in an attempt to hide her from the cool wind and waited.

"That girl earlier, the one who flirted with you." she paused and licked her lips, keeping her eyes closed. "She knew someone like you would never date someone like me. It didn't even cross her mind that we could be together, even if we had danced together, even if we held hands and even if you were holding my arm when she arrived. She knew. And I know I normally don't give much attention to these things but... it hurt. This time, it really hurt."

"That girl was entitled and a bit stupid." I explained, moving closer and putting my hands on her shoulders. "That's probably why she flirted. I also know a few girls who really dont care if the guy is taken or not. To be quite honest, she most likely didn't even notice you! She was probably obsessed with how handsome I am."

"Oh shut up!" Millie laughed, rolling her eyes and shaking her head.

"Mill, anyone would be lucky to date you."

"Oh yea? So you'd date an average fat girl?"

My traits softened and in the way she had talked, I could hear all the pain she was feeling at the moment. It was crazy how I seemed to connect to Millie, probably because both our hearts were broken and we could understand each other.

"You know who I'd date? I'd date someone I love, someone I trust. I'd date someone who cares about me, and that I care about. Someone who listens to me, makes me laugh, someone empathic, kind... someone who helps me become a better person, a better version of myself. Someone I'm at ease with and feel safe around. Someone I connect with. It doesn't matter if that person is fat or skinny, tall or short, Blonde or brunette. It's not what matters."

Millie stared in my eyes for about a minute, nibbling on her bottom lip and finally licked it.

"Wow, I always thought you were shallow." she admitted in a very low tone, making me raise my eyebrows.

"What? Why?"

She raised her nose up, a bit embarrassed by her word and finally shrugged a shoulder. "Because of the type of girls you date."

"God I hate when you day that." I confessed, letting my hands slip on her arms and fall on each side of me. "I hate that you think I'm like that. When you mentioned it at the bar, it really hurt me, or annoyed me. Or both. That's why I picked Summer, because she was the complete opposite of the description you gave of my 'type'." I added, doing quotation marks with my fingers as I said the last word. "I don't want you to see me as a shallow man who cares only about the body or whatever."

"I don't see you like that." she whispered. My eyes met hers and my heart skipped a beat. "I mean, I used to, it's true. But in the past few weeks, I got to know you and... I love what I see, Niall. You're a good guy with a heart of gold. You're funny, smart, open-minded... And that thing you said about the person you'd date? That was deep, I love it."

Slowly, my lips curled on the right and I nodded. I suddenly felt lighter, knowing that Millie didn't see me as a horrible and shallow person anymore.

"I was wrong about you, Niall."

"Yea, I was wrong about you too."

Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around her neck and pulled her closer. I felt her hands on my back and leaned my cheek against her head for a while before finally pulling away and bending down slightly to look in her eyes.

"Ready to go home?"

"Fuck yes." she chuckled, nodding frenetically. "I need my sweatpants and a warm tea!"

"You can still put my hoodie on, you know." I proposed with a smile as I walked around the car.

"I told you, Niall, your clothes don't fit me."

I lost my smile, not knowing what to answer, and finally just opened the door to sit behind the wheel. When we walked back home, Millie walked to her room and I walked to mine, putting sweatpants and a t-shirt on before searching through my drawers. I walked back to the living room, seeing my friend already sitting on the couch wearing pretty much the same outfit as me. I sat next to her and handed her an other hoodie, making her frown.

"Please, try it on."

Her gaze moved from the hoodie to my eyes, then back at the hoodie. She licked her lips nervously and finally grabbed it and put it on very quickly. A big smile drew itself on my lips when she raised her eyebrows, staring at the front of the shirt she was now wearing.

"Perfect." I pointed out in a low tone. Her head moved up quickly and her eyes met mine before I leaned against the couch, still looking at her. "It's yours, now."

I watched her traits soften and her expression change into a loving one. She tilted her head again and brought her shoulders closer to her cheeks as she nibbled on her bottom lip some more. "Thanks, Niall."

"You're totally welcome."

I placed my arm on my thigh, palm up and fingers spread. A bigger smile appeared on her lips and she placed her hand in mine before we intertwined our fingers together. I started the next episode of a new tv show we were watching together and smiled more when I felt her head on my shoulder.

I thought about Grace suddenly, and then about Summer. It made me realize we hadn't talked about them or about Louis at all on that evening, and that the lists we were supposed to fill were totally forgotten but somehow, it made me feel good. I didn't want to think about it, I didn't want to feel nervous about the fact that I was supposed to pick the girl I wanted to be with in less than three days.

I also felt like Millie was happier when we didn't mention Louis and I just hoped he wouldn't show up while we were watching tv together, knowing it would literally ruin Millie's night.

We would probably fill the lists on the next day and I found comfort in the thought of sharing that with Millie. I don't know what I'd do if I'd have to go through all of this by myself.

After a while, I felt Millie's head heavier on my shoulder and noticed that her breathing had slowed down. I looked at her, trying not to move too much to make sure I wouldn't wake her up, and noticed she was asleep, her lips slightly parted. I don't know how long I stayed motionless with Millie sleeping against me but eventually I fell asleep too, realizing I hadn't felt that light and happy in a very long time.

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