#but they don't bother to think about the shit they've already added onto it so everything all together just makes no sense at all

[kai-atlantis]

I'm late 😬 but I broke my ankle again so JUST PLEASE ACCEPT MY LATE ENTRIES OKI.

CW: grief, language

Artwork by @irunaki who graciously allowed me to borrow her work

FowlFest Day 2 - Diary Day

A Glimpse in Time

Holly ShOrt!!!

1953 

  HI DIARY!!! Today is MaY 3! It's my bIRTHDAY! I'M 32 today and at skool my class sang to me and gave me kandy! Escept for Riles Ross, cause he stole my space bar and ate iT in fronT of ME! >:( so i hit him in his face and all the kids laughed and Miss Persimmon sent me home. :( bUT I CAME HOME WITH CAKE! and its carrot. Mommy says it looks like our hair! :D cause we have orange hair! Daddy gave me a bow n arrow after cake and said I was a natural! Daddy is so strong he could hold me AND MY CAKE TOGETHER! :D then i got in trouble for hitting Riles Ross, but daddy told me later in secret that he was proud of me. :) 

  Anyway Diary, did you have a good day today? I sure hope so cause I did! I would share my cake with you but i dont wanna get cake on your pages :( sorry. BUT YOU CAN SLEEP WITH ME AND FOXY TONITE! we are having a secret sleep over under the bed. Foxy is so CUTEEE. sHH! Dont tell mommy or daddy. It's only for us :) 

  See ya there! 

Holly Short

1983

Today was fucking bullshit. It was so fucking stupid, I almost don't want to make an entry about it, but my therapist claims it's good for my grief to vent my feelings, so, here I am. Venting my fucking feelings. And no. I don't feel better.

So, you want to know why today sucked. Today was my second day at the Academy. The LEP Academy.

I've always known I was going to be an officer, but lately, I've been compelled to do something more than LEPtraffic, or Immigration. Yesterday was already weird enough because I got tons of looks from all the beefheads, but then today, in my Criminal Investigations class, the professor asked us what our goals in the LEP were. Anyone that knows anything knows girls who join the LEP are destined for traffic, or some bullshit area of "policing". We never go further than that… Unless you're Wing Commander Vinyáya. And nobody is as cool as Wing Commander Vinyáya. She's a total babe. Definitely not me.

But anyway, I have other aspirations. Dad was Internal Affairs. Mom's LEPmarine. It's my destiny to be in the force, and if I'm gonna go in, it's go big or go home. So, I answer that I want to be in Recon. And I shit you not - everyone laughed, even the professor. The FUCKING professor.

Fuck.

Why can't a girl be Recon? We're not all airheads. Some of us are actually capable of handling ourselves. Mom always says my aim is deadlier than a stink worm too, so those townies don't know what they've got coming.

Shit. Said, not says. Mom is dead. Stupid mistake.

Whatever.

The only plus side to today was that I ran into Trouble Kelp. He's the hot Kelp brother. An idiot, but he has a good heart. He's a junior, and super famous for his scores. Everyone knows who he is, so you'd expect him to be a total glow slug, right? But he's actually really kind. Some guy tried to trip me in the hall, and before I could punch the daylights outta him, Kelp shoved him into the trash can and swore him off. It was totally cool. He'd make a good partner someday, I think.

OH! Back to Recon. Adding onto today's bullshit, I overheard some rookies going on and on about Commander Root. Apparently he's a tough nut to crack and hasn't ever had a girl in his unit, and he intends for it to stay that way. Well, too bad for him, because I've got my sights on Recon. I work alone, and fly alone. Nobody to bother me, no stinky males and their gross ear cheese. Just me, the wind, and the surface sky.

It's what mom and dad would want.

I hope they're proud.

Oh yeah, one last thing: it's my birthday today. I'm 62 today. Is it super lame that I put up pictures of mom and dad on the table with me? Just so, you know… I'm not alone?

Fuck. Duh. That's super lame.

Hey. I'm back. Don't mind the weird gap between pages. Didn't feel like writing for a bit so I took a nap. But I'm back.

Honestly? I'm a bit mad. And before you ask me in the session: about everything?

Being a girl is hard enough, right? 'cause I'm stuck in this gnarly place of not being pretty enough yet also not being "tough" enough to be accepted by the guys. And I just started. Why should my appearance fucking matter? I'm a fucking hotshot. I'm resilient. I already know how to pilot a shuttle. That's more than these maggots can do.

My dad would've known what to say. I didn't know him that long, really. But still, when I'd spaz out and tussle with other kids, he'd always have my back, and he always knew the right things to say. I wish I had that now, you know? I miss him.

I miss mom. But I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about her death and I won't be forced into it either, k?

Oh yeah, duh. My original point. It's my 62nd birthday, and I'm all alone. There's supposed to be some junior thing at a pub in the city. Juniors. Not rookies like these dorks. Mom would kill me if I went.

Hah. Guess I should rebel and go make some friends then? Maybe Trouble will be there? Not that I'm into him or anything. Just a friend or two would be nice.

Anyway. I've got basics in the morning.

Night, journal. See ya.

#fowlfest2023 #holly short #artemis fowl #oops im late but hey it's VIRGO SEASON #grief journal

[informaticn]

the additions to the red room get more nonsensical as you go down the list when you think about it bc 

first we have the bl/ack widows,   the original   &   only was natalia   &   later yelena joined her rank.

then they added various miscellaneous bl/ack wi/dows that they very often don’t even bother to name much less give any kind of backstory or information on beyond   “ orphan, “   for some reason.   i can think of one that had a name but i can’t actually remember her name rip.

after them,   there’s the red widows,   of which there are i believe only two,   ava   &   a currently unnamed woman who’s part of the winter guard.   ava isn’t actually a confirmed member of the red room   &   it’s implied that her name came from the combination of her admiration of natalia’s strength   &   wanting to be more   “ reliable “   than her,   but the unnamed woman apparently was affiliated with the red room in some way.

we also have the wolf spiders which is the male equivalent of the bl/ack wi/dows that never gained traction bc nico,   the original trainee,   was too uncontrollable   &   they shut it down before producing any wolf spiders.

then we also have recluse who is more or less detached from the red room bc she wasn’t technically trained in or by it,   but who is still affiliated with it bc her mother was a trainer or something in it???

i don’t know what’s happening please marble stop this

#does marble know that it can stop at literally any time #we don't... they don't need to keep adding onto the red room they really don't #i don't fucking know how the red widow slots in bc that's not explained as far as i'm aware #& i'm 99% sure they completely forgot they even had ava when they came up with the unnamed lady #bc she's just nowhere to be seen & red widows were not a thing in the red room before #wolf spiders are fine i guess or they were until everyone started saying that nico had a bad reaction to the biochemical enhancements #which is literally not written in canon anywhere & only serves to remind me that cornell's writing exists still #( as a note on that sentence apparently people believe this to be what happened to nico #bc cornell wrote ivan losing his fucking mind & people attached him & nico together with their enhancements #that is also not written in canon tho but whatever i don't wanna talk about cornell's writing ) #i don't understand the concept of making a bunch of widows & then not using but like one or two in any significant way #like they might as well have left the story alone as nat being the original & only widow if they were still only gonna use her #recluse is just a mess top to bottom from her timeline to her skillset #( which is not a comment to my often stated belief that it makes no sense she could take nat & bucky without breaking a sweat #& more a comment to the fact that she appears to only have a handful of years in training #bc it's implied she didn't begin training until adulthood & she appears to have no espionage skill whatsoever #so i'm not sure what the fuck her skillset is supposed to be for outside of her needing to be a better fighter than nat ) #honestly it kind of feels like marble knows that the red room & the history of it is entirely irrelevant to stories at large #but they want to keep referencing it so people don't forget it so they just keep adding new shit onto it #but they don't bother to think about the shit they've already added onto it so everything all together just makes no sense at all #when will i finish this doc & be free of this nightmare #i haven't even started on the win/ter sol/dier bit bc i have to figure out how to make that vague but slightly informative #( well informative as far as his involvement in the bl/ack wi/dow & wolf spider ops goes anyway ) #for the sake of it making sense but not risking overwriting any specific canon for bucky #ooc / shit posting from marble's basement. #delete.

[xpeachesncream]

bands | thirteen

[ series masterlist ]

summary: jeon jungkook has it all: the looks, the fame, the money, the women. being considered the sexiest man in the industry, he finds no complaints about the way his life is going nor does he find any reason to apologize for the way he approaches it. he is a force to be reckoned with - until he meets you.

pairing: stripper!reader x idol!jjk

genre: (18+) strip club/nightlife au, post grad au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 3.9k

warnings: cussing, mature language/implied sexual content, slight degradation, trouble stirring behind the scenes if you squint, yeonjun and soobin (txt) make an appearance but also as reg 18 yr olds lol

tags: @brightcolorsoffendme​ @min-nicoleee​ @eggbutnotyolk​ @ra-mun-e @miinoongi​ @jimidol​ @ppeachyttae​ @thebeebi​ @bluesharksandfish​ @kooafraid​ @liriaus​ @thisartemisnevermisses​ @ggukkieland​ @preciouschimine​ @sunniejinnie​ @cypheruby​ @cyb3rbab3​ @masterlists101​ @awhnamjoon​ @redhedhoseok​ @wooya1224​ @taeismydeath @jikookiekosmos​ @un2-verse​ @aynsx​ @wearenot7withu​ (please message me if you would like to be added to the taglist!)

"BTS' Jeon Jungkook rumored to be dating stripper from nightclub!"

"Jungkook is no longer single, ladies!"

"Jeon Jungkook is dating a stripper? Why the hell is he doing that?"

"Who the hell does she think she is? I bet she's not even pretty."

"Jungkook fell for a stripper? Out of all people? Damn, and I thought he was better than that."

Jungkook has been tired, the rumors constantly being spread day in and day out. But, it still didn't mean he was gonna say shit to prove himself to people out there. He didn't need to give anybody answers. Hell, this was strictly between you and him and that's how he wants to keep it.

Fuck every single one of you who didn't wanna be behind him and support him. Don't even think about calling yourself a fan of his if that's your mindset.

He could truly care less. He was happy and he felt ten times better than he has in a really long time. It's unfortunate how people love to stay narrow minded. The only thing that bothered him was the fact that it was so unfair for you - how they stuck to that stripper image, rather than really getting to know you beneath the surface.

But it's not like anyone else deserved to know the real you, not after all this shit. And he was gonna keep it that way, and protect you.

"Hey, don't listen to any of that shit, okay?" Jungkook says as he meets you in your car in the BigHit building garage. "None of that matters to me."

"I know, but Kook." You look at him. "Your career, BigHit literally might not even want me here and-and—"

"Then I'll make sure they understand it's not an issue, because it's really fucking not." He says, getting irritated only at the thought of the company giving him issues over you. He watches as you slightly frown, causing him to sigh and soften his own facial expression. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get worked up like that. It's just annoying how people are narrow-minded. This has absolutely nothing to do with you." You give him a small smile. "Come on, I'll walk you." You silently nod and hop out of your car. You follow beside him, your stomach in knots having to meet with their performance director. This meant you'd also most likely run into the rest of Bangtan.

In which happens to turn true pretty quickly.

"Jungkookie!" Hoseok says loudly down the hallway as he approaches the both of you. He does nothing besides smile, curiosity definitely filling his eyes.

"This is Y/N. Y/N, Hoseok hyung." He holds out his hand for you to shake, his head tilting ever so slightly because you know he's familiar with your face. He's just trying to remember from where. Or, he has recognized you, but he's trying his hardest not to say anything.

Cause they have seen all of you, especially in that fishnet bodysuit.

"Hi! Nice to meet you! You can call me Hobi for short. Are you meeting with someone?" You nod.

"Yeah." Is all you can reply with as you shyly tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

"Nice, goodluck!"

"Is everyone else here?" Jungkook asks, making Hobi nod.

"Yeah, but they're still running through some stuff in the dance studio. I just ran off to take a break."

"Okay." Jungkook looks at you. "Follow me, he's in one of the private studio rooms." You both part ways from Hoseok, the need to clutch onto Jungkook's arm immensely strong right now. You hold yourself off though, because even with passing a few female staff members, you catch them looking at you oddly with the way you're walking side by side with Jungkook.

Nope. Don't even think about it, Y/N. It doesn't matter.

Jungkook knocks softly on a door, the middle of it being made up of entirely frosted glass so it's difficult to see inside. Their performance director opens the door swiftly and welcomes you in with a warm smile, stepping aside to let you in.

"I've got it from here, Jungkookie. Thank you." Jungkook nods but tries to peek through the door to get one last glimpse of your face before he shuts it fully. "How are you doing, Y/N?" He sits in front of you, leaning onto his knees with his hands fully clasped together.

"I'm good. How are you?"

"Good, tired." He chuckles. "Thanks for taking my call earlier and for meeting at such short notice on a weekend. I had a couple of things come up and didn't want to push things off until later." You smile.

"It's no problem."

"Jungkook tells me a lot about you."

"Does he now?" You chuckle and tilt your head to the side.

"Says you're a really good person. Super hardworking. Told me a little bit about your situation with your brother."

"Mmyeah, it's a little complicated."

"It's alright, no need to get into the details." He smiles before letting out a small sigh. "It's incredibly rare for me to hear Jungkook speak like that. In general. He's usually very closed off, doesn't like to let people in much. He really respects you, you know? Cares about you a whole lot." You slightly blush.

"I'm still getting used to it." He chuckled.

"Look, I know you've been worrying because of where you've been and all that, but I want to reassure you that none of it matters. I don't like to focus on all that. You're here as you, not her." He says, putting another pronoun to your stripper persona.

"Thank you, I appreciate it." He nods. There's a small pause before he begins to speak again.

"I could really use some help around here if you're still interested? The boys are becoming a lot for me to handle."

"Ah-uh, yeah! Of course I am." You found yourself stuttering at the sudden offer. Was this fucking real?! "But, you are aware of where me and Jungkook are at, right?" You ask, trying to be completely transparent and honest about their relationship. He nods and waves his hand out.

"As long as you keep it professional here, right?" You nod.

"Right."

"Come, let me show you around really quickly and have you formally meet the boys." You swallowed the lump in your throat. Fucking great. He definitely didn't know they've all seen your titties and pussy out during Yoongi's birthday, and now here you were - about to meet them again in this environment. Hobi was awkward enough even though he tried not to be.

Surprisingly, Jungkook wasn't waiting outside in the hallway like you thought he would be, but the tour commences and the PD is taking you around pretty quickly. You feel even more awkward and somewhat alone [even though you weren't] without Jungkook nearby, but you chug along and say your hello's to the people you're introduced to. He finally brings you into the dance studio, where there's loud ass music blasting, Jungkook, the boys and some backup dancers in front of the mirrors fooling around.

"Aye boys, come here real quick." You and Jimin lock eyes and your body suddenly gets tense. The room feels 10x hotter than it already is, especially when he slowly walks over and clenches his jaw. He is literally seeping with hate right now, maybe actually disgust, and he doesn't even try to hide it. Most of them for sure recognize you, but they seem to brush it off and give you a big wave/smile anyway.

"Last, that's Jimin - Jimin, Y/N." You give Jimin a fake smile, and the only thing his ass can reciprocate is the smallest, tight-lipped smile you have ever seen. You've never even seen your mom do that when she got mad or upset with you.

"Hi." Is all you can say.

"Sup." He looks at you before turning on his heel and walking away.

"Ooookay?" Namjoon furrows his brows as he watches Jimin walk away so rudely. "The hell was that about?"

"I knew that was Kookie's girlfriend! Maybe Jiminie remembers seeing her titties and shit too, needs to walk away before he gets his ass beat by him." Yoongi says lowly behind Namjoon.

"Yeah, like you're any better." Namjoon says, looking at Yoongi weirdly.

"I mean, we did see her practically naked." Jin says, chiming into the discussion.

"I touched her." Yoongi's mouth slightly hangs down. "I touched her."

"Go ahead, say it louder so Kookie can hear you." Jin nods sarcastically. "Go, say it!"

"No, stop." Yoongi's cheeks turn red while shaking his head and laughing. "He'll literally launch me out the window with one hand."

"Good."

"You asked for her to sit on your lap too, bro!"

"I was joking, and it's not like she did it anyway!"

"Whatever, I'm keeping my birthday deep in my memory storage."

"Clean slate for her so it should be for you too, my guy." Namjoon says as he has enough of their conversation.

You look at Jungkook who is silently standing there, looking like a big dork with a huge smile on his face and his thumbs up. You give him the tiniest nod before proceeding to follow the PD out.

"So?!" Jungkook dashes to meet you in their waiting room area, where an abnormally large picture of Jimin posing oddly hung up.

"He said he'll send me all the info and papers and stuff!" You respond excitedly as Kook hugs you and quickly swings you around.

"See, I knew it would work out!" He puts you down. "Are you gonna tell Kai?" You shook your head.

"Not today at least, it's his birthday and I don't wanna take away from that. It's his day." Jungkook smiles at you.

"Text me when you've picked him up? I should be home by then."

"Okay." You blush and back away, making Jungkook look at you with confusion. "I have to keep it professional here, duh."

"Ah I see." He chuckles. "That won't last very long."

"Jungkook." You whine.

"There's a lot of private rooms here and—"

"I'm not listening, sorry. I think Kai is suddenly calling me." You cover your ears as you begin to walk away, giving him one last smile before leaving him to the rest of rehearsals and whatever else they're doing. He laughs to himself as he waves you off, excited to get through the day so he can just spend time with you and Kai.

As the hours go on and it's about time for you to pick Kai up, you quickly stop by the store because you're a procrastinator and didn't buy Kai's birthday gift any earlier. You felt bad you weren't able to find the shoes he wanted, but you at least snagged the video game he had been talking about for a couple of days now. Before walking into the arcade, you made sure to write your birthday card and slip some more money into it before shoving it in your bag to give to him later.

"Your pretty sister is here." Yeonjun grabs Kai by the shoulder as he finishes up a game.

"Yeah, and you're too young for her."

"Age is nothing but a number. It's only like.. 6 years apart."

"Besides, she's taken, dude. Sorry." Kai snorts as he watches Yeonjun's smile fade. "You would have never had the chance."

"You're mean."

"I'm mean, or you just have really high, unrealistic expectations?" The rest of their friends laugh as they follow Kai over to you.

"Hey!" You smile at all his friends.

"Hiiiiii Y/N." They all say in unison, some waving in awe, while the others shyly dug their hands into their pockets. "Birthday boy, you all good to go? Got some good Loco Moco waiting for you."

"Yeah, I'm good."

"Happy birthday again, Kai! Get online later!" Soobin yells out.

"Yeah, yeah." He says, waving them off as he follows you out to your car.

"You guys run through the entire arcade?" Kai laughs.

"Pretty much." He sinks into his seat, legs damn near touching the glove compartment with how long he is. "I'm honestly so excited for Loco Moco. It's been years!"

"It has not been that long." You laughed.

"You're right, it's been months." Kai looks out the window. "Wait, you're passing the road to get to our go-to shop though?"

"Cause I found a better place."

"How is there a better place when that one was already supreme?!"

"Hey, trust me on this okay?" You laugh. Kai starts telling you about his day and how so many people he knew from school had been messaging him happy birthday. He truly looked his happiest today and it was all you could ask for. Though at the same time, your heart slightly sank at the fact that he'd be going off to uni soon and staying at the dorms. He was just growing up way too fast, and you wanted to spend as much time as you could with him now before he was too occupied being a college boy.

You slipped yourself past Jungkook's security, parking in the one guest spot they have in the garage that's closest to the elevator. Kai doesn't really question it and hops out anyway, his hands in his pockets as he follows you into the elevator and onto Jungkook's floor.

"You ready, kid?"

"Is this some like, Michelin Star Loco Moco restaurant?"

"Ah, I guess you could say that." You knocked on the door, hearing music playing in the background. Jungkook opens the door and Kai's eyes widen.

"Oh shit, that's Jungkook?" Kook laughs and steps aside to let you both in. "Sis why—what—how come you didn't tell me we were seeing your boyfriend? I look like a mess!" He says lowly.

"You don't!"

"Hey Kai! Happy Birthday!" Jungkook says smiling, making Kai actually blush. He's cheeks are tinted with a rosy color and he suddenly gets all shy.

"Thanks."

"Your brother's tall." Jungkook looks at him up and down.

"Looking at an 18 year old 6 footer."

"Must be nice."

"Go sit." Kai silently nods as he sits awkwardly on Kook's couch, while you go and check in on him in the kitchen.

"Is he always that shy?"

"No. Just with you, apparently. He's not even that shy around girls." You chuckle as he places a quick kiss on your head. "Need my help?" You still ask even though the plates are neatly prepared already.

"Not really." He smiles down at you. "You hungry though?"

"Starving, actually." Your eyes light up at the plates. "Ouuuuuu, yum."

"Honestly, I think this batch might be better than my first."

"Still honored to be your guinea pig." You carry a plate over to Jungkook's coffee table in the living room.

"Oh shit, that looks amazing." Kai says, slipping himself down from the couch to the floor so he could get a good whiff of the plate. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Jungkook hands you the remote before walking into his room. "Pick something."

"Here, birthday boy. Help me choose."

"Let's watch Soul on Disney+." At this point, Jungkook comes out of his room with a wrapped present, his eyes locked on the TV.

"Ooh, I keep seeing this everywhere! Niceeeee." Jungkook says, smiling with Kai nodding and already digging into his plate. "By the way, this is for you." You shoot him a look as he sits on the floor by you, watching as Kai unwraps the present. Kai's eyes light up as he sees a shoebox underneath the wrapping, quickly flipping the lid open to reveal those blue Air Jordans he wanted.

"Kook?!" You say lowly, making him smile at you and gently pinch your side.

"Holy shit!" He holds out a shoe, only for him to immediately shake his head and close the box again. "Jungkook, I can't take this." Kai says.

"No, it's your birthday."

"Yeah, but isn't this expensive? You've already done so much for me and my sister, I-I don't want to—"

"Kai, it's cool. If it's one thing you can do to repay me, it's to take my present." You literally want to cry at how sweet Jungkook is being with your brother. He had been good to you, no doubt, but this was one thing you didn't expect from him at all. Quite frankly, you had forgotten you mentioned the shoes to him. The fact that he actually remembered and kept his word.

"Okay." Kai says, gently setting the box down aside before looking at Jungkook with a small smile on his face. "Thank you. I really appreciate it. Like, even with the food and everything. It means a lot to me."

"You're welcome." You give him a soft smile before digging into your food while Soul was already off to a start. Kai and Jungkook devour their food together, with you following shortly behind as Jungkook brings over a small ice cream cake from his fridge for Kai to blow his candles on. After the boys had helped themselves to a good serving of the cake, they started getting hyper and pulled up Smash Bros on Kook's Nintendo Switch [as if Kai hadn't played enough games today]. It started to get intense; the boys jumping and yelling everywhere, bouncing off of the walls, with you getting pulled into the competition every now and then. Even though you knew you'd lost over and over again, you happily joined in anyway, seeing how excited your brother was - plus, it was always a bonus to hear Jungkook's loudly obnoxious, nerdy laugh.

"I WIN!"

"Hey, hey, hey. I let you win because it's your birthday." Jungkook said, making Kai laugh as he crashed to the floor.

"Sure." Kai huffed and puffed. "Crap, I'm tired. What time is it?"

"Almost midnight. We should start heading out, bubba." You patted Kai's chest gently.

"What? No, it's late. Why don't you two just stay here?" You suddenly remembered you've had Kai's shit in your trunk since you dropped him off at Yeonjun's this morning. You didn't have any change of clothes, but that could easily be fixed with Jungkook's closet.

"Only if the queen wants, she's driving."

"It's late, baby." Jungkook says to you softly. "No way I'm letting you two head out there."

"Okay." You give him a small smile before handing your keys. "Can you do me a favor?" He chuckles.

"What is it?"

"Kai's duffle bag is in my trunk." He nods and takes your keys.

"I got it. Kai, you can take the guest room or my office room." Jungkook says with his 3-bedroom apartment having ass. "I have my computer in my office room though, and a pull out bed. I don't know how comfy you'll be."

"It's cool, I'll just take your guest room. I always bring my laptop and switch whenever I sleep at my sister's." Kai says getting up. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Jungkook says, toothlessly smiling at the both of you, completely endeared at how alike you two were - even down to the fact that you both said thank you for every little thing. If this was a result of Kai being close to you and having you as pretty much his mother figure, then Jungkook wouldn't know what to do with his feelings. He felt butterflies every time he thought about how cute and sweet you were, and he was always excited to be around you.

Jungkook does a quick jog to your car, grabbing Kai's Nike duffle from your trunk before jogging back to the elevator and back to his apartment. He walks in to see Kai helping you clean up the remaining dishes in the sink, tidying the rest of the things in his kitchen.

"Thank you." Jungkook says himself, a little unfamiliar with saying such a thing to be completely honest.

"You're welcome." You say softly, wiping your hands on his hand towel. "Off to bed, or are you gonna go online with your friends?"

"I'll see what they're up to, but I'm pretty beat. Today was fun." Kai smiles at the both of you. "I really appreciate it." You ruffle his hair a bit before gently pushing him towards his bedroom for the night.

"Bathroom's right over there, help yourself to anything you need."

"Don't stay up too late."

"Only if you aren't too loud." You gasp while Jungkook laughs out loud.

"Kai!"

"Hey, I'm just being honest. Please remember that I'm right in this room."

"Oh my god, go to bed." You shove him inside the room and shut his door. "Don't even say a word." You look at Jungkook shyly as you hurriedly brush past him to get into his room - even though Jungkook is literally right behind you with those long ass legs of his, making every stride so much easier for him to catch up to you.

"What's your outfit of choice tonight, pretty lady?" He shuts his door behind him as you start to make your way into his closet.

"Hm, I'll just wear this plain black--" You unfold it. "Balenciaga? Okay, I definitely can't just wear this to sleep."

"Why not?"

"Because this is like, name brand and everything."

"So?" He shrugs. "Just wear it, babygirl. It's not gonna make much of a difference, you're wearing it either way." You do a slight pout before you start to slip out of your clothes to get into his shirt. You make his way to his bathroom to take a little tinkle when you notice another toothbrush sitting next to his. A pink toothbrush, next to his blue one.

"Why do you have two toothbrushes?" You wash your hands as he comes in to the bathroom to start getting ready for bed.

"That's yours." Your eyes light up at his statement.

"Mine?"

"I figured since you'd be over more, it'd be easier for you." He furrows his brows lightly. "Unless.. you didn't want--" You press a kiss against his lips, his hands resting on your arms to keep you close.

"No, I did want that. Thank you."

"Of course, baby." He pecks your forehead.

"By the way, way to make me look like such a bad sister!" You say as you start getting your toothbrush ready.

"Why? The shoes?"

"The shoes, the Loco Moco, the games, the ice cream cake." You laughed. "I literally got him a video game and some money."

"I mean, he is turning 18. I wanted to help make it as memorable as possible."

"I appreciate you a lot. Really."

"I appreciate you too." Your eyes widen as you brush your teeth.

"Waaaaow, say thaht wun mohr tiyme." You say, pulling a Jungkook while brushing your teeth.

"Eye apprushiate yoh toh." You giggle. The both of you finish getting ready for bed before slipping into his warm sheets. Jungkook never goes to sleep early, however, he makes sure all the lights are off and that the show he's watching isn't too loud. You have no idea what's going on in his show, but you lay on his chest to watch for a little bit until you feel yourself getting a little more sleepy. He's holding you close, his hand brushing through your hair softly, causing tingles to ripple through your body.

"Kook."

"Yes, baby?"

"You make me happy." You say sleepily as you hung him tighter. He smiles down at you, your eyes now shut close as you slowly start to drift into a deep sleep. He presses a light kiss against your head, fingers still in your hair.

"You make me happy too, sweetheart."

#bts #bts fanfiction #jeon jungkook #jungkook #kook #jeongguk #bts jeon jungkook #bts jeon jungkook fanfic #bts jungkook #bts au #bts au fic #bts imagines #jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x reader #jjk x reader #bts jungkook x reader #bts fluff #bts angst #bts smut #jeon jungkook fluff #jeon jungkook angst #jeon jungkook smut #jjk angst #jjk fluff #jjk smut #jungkook angst #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jeon jungkook series #writing

[sienna-writes]

Butterfly Blood // update 1

woo! first writing update on this WIP so far! (Finally!!). Since I don't want to include huge spoilers on this book, as I might one day end up publishing (who knows), I will be splitting these posts into chatting about my process, character development, edits etc. and then include extracts that aren't too spoilery! I think it'll be okay for the first sections of the book, especially as alot of the first few chapters is character building and imagery to set the scene, tone and atmosphere.

Also, the working title of "Bleeding Out" that I HATED with a PASSION is finally gone! My novel is now called Butterfly Blood based on a excerpt way in the future of the story. (Which I'm very excited to share c: )

I wrote the prologue after I’d finished the first chapter, to introduce the book and it’s mystery in a more captivating way than it had initially been introduced.

Frog finds himself underground in the middle of a forest with no knowledge of his surrounds, his past, or his identity. He clings to one certainty, that he is and was raised by frogs. (This book is a bit wack, just roll with it.)

As he crawls into the middle of the road, a truck starts hurtling toward him and careens off the road last minute. The driver drops down and searches for for Frog, but cannot find anyone.

There is no blood, no screaming, no mangled man wailing on the ground. Reluctantly, the driver withdraws from the dark and locks himself in the enclosed cabin of his truck, steadying his breathing.

As the exhaust sputters to life again, and tires tug against the initial friction of the gravel, the disappearance twists the driver’s thoughts.

His passenger clings with sticky tree frog palms to the trucks stomach; well-oiled organs huffing heat and fumes onto his face.

So this book actually began with a very horribly written chapter. The structure was a mess and for some reason I kept bombarding the reader with information about my main character Rowan and really pushing forward the idea that she’s an energetic person... Which was stiff and just poor writing, honestly. (Also, I've changed my ideas since about how I want to characterise her.) But out of the 3000 word (approx) start, there were salvageable aspects, and those went into the first chapter along with a lot more fleshing out of the scenes, setting and character. I also finally decided on a tense and perspective after being super inconsistent with it and unable to make my mind up.

But! We got there in the end, I just thought I’d share my struggle since writing is not a perfect process and there is a lot of rearranging, and sometimes it feels like pulling teeth.

The premise of this chapter is to set the scene of Blackerwick (a fictional, dreary british seaside town), introduce Rowan (our main character), and the complex relationship with her father, who has become insular over the past month before the story starts.

—excerpts;

A little world building and set up!

Everything about the sleepy town Rowan’s family had moved to is soaked in a distinct achromatic despondency. Inland residents slumped and slogged in their routines, never caring to change them, almost afraid of living. It had confused Rowan at first when she’d come here from Ireland at fourteen, how much the dull town contrasted its landscape. It seemed undeserving of such beauty; a tall mountain range to the left of Blackerwick, and beyond it a city; wide stretches of moors headed toward the forests, and beyond the forests—the ocean. It was as if all the world’s natural beauties had congregated here millions of years ago as the earth slid into place, waiting for settlers to enjoy it. They didn’t even seem to notice.

    Fading out of view behind her, a mangle of dark rooftops mesh amongst each other, a severe contrast to the pallidly painted house fronts, and chimneys slice into the sky, puffing endlessly on their pipes.

Hot air is exhaled from the horizon, tugging striking, unruly orange hair from her heavy ponytail as it whistles past her face. She closes her eyes peacefully against the feverish winds, her clothes buffeting and pounding as if fighting it off. Grinning, she leans toward the sea, trusting its breath to hold her weight.

In the course of this chapter Rowan has had an altercation with her teacher and gotten a detention, pushed through the forests toward the beach, and now is returning home. She rouses her dad’s attention by feigning a headache, because he doesn’t bother with her unless he sees she is in pain etc. Now for some quality mild gore!

    Turning, she leans in to hug him when she realises there’s blood gushing from her nose.

    “Oh shit! Shit, shit, shit! Not again!” Rowan scoops shaking hands to her nose, tacky blood spilling over her fingertips. “Dad, Dad!”

    He is already on it, tipping her head back into his cupped palm, holding tissues tightly to her nose. She wheezes and sputters, the world spinning as she lurches toward the sink, clinging to the draining board to keep her balance. Everything red, the four walls of the kitchen, red. Her blurring vision, red. Everything bleeding like her gums beneath grinding teeth as she bites down on the impulse to say something. She wants to scream, or throw up, head swimming as her world tilts upside down. Her skull rests in her father’s strong palm, a fleshy safety net.

Wash your mouth out with soap, ma’am. 

I was considering having Rowan not swear around her father, but her mother is pretty aggressive and her dad (Karmen) swears regularly, so it doesn’t seem too outrageous anymore. (I could never, my mum would flip).

When the bleeding slows finally, and her chin closes in on her neck again she notices her father’s shirt is covered with dried, grubby gore. It looks like he is bleeding out from a deep gash notched into his chest. His heart clawed savagely from its dwelling. 

Karmen being a worried dad is best dad;

     “You said not again.” He says finally, as she gathers herself, filling glass after glass with water and gulping hungrily, throat tilted toward the sky.

    “I’ve been getting more than usual recently.” She replies nonchalantly.

    “That’s shouldn’t be normal.” He says.

     Rowan shrugs, “I’ve always been prone to bleeding and bruising.” As if to defend herself or prove her case, she pulls down her jeans slightly, revealing a black contusion on her hip. It fades into swarthy purple and blue; a gradient discolouring her pale freckled skin; a deep ink blot, as if the flesh had been punctured with a fountain pen.

    Her dad hisses sharply. “How did you do that? I told you not to go into those woods anymore!”

Ok! Enough blood! I really made nosebleeds overly dramatic lol.

Anywho!

the first 2000 ish words of this chapter follow Frog (he's later named Mint), and let me tell you, his perspective came so naturally, and was such an interesting world view to write in. I'm not saying i like him, but I enjoy writing him for sure.

This chapter was initially 2100 words and I intended it to be a brief introduction of mint, but I merged it with the next one because I thought they joined together nicely. The other aspects of this chapter introduce more of the friend group (honestly the only relevent characters within this group are Damian and Jamie, the rest are low-key assholes) and set up later events.

—excerpts;

Mint is wandering in the forest, and hunting.

He slinks into step with the deer as it rises, shaking his head as it shakes its placid mane. Serenity slices the air in two.

     Frog strikes.

    The blade almost glitters in the air as it shoots toward the limpid animal’s vulnerable throat, veins pulsing beneath frosty, translucent fur. Incorporeal beast. A surreptitious streak in the night, headfirst, embedding with a gurgle and a coarse, barbaric scream. Deer’s aren't meant to sound like this. Like a human, like something capable of feeling and hurting. Frog wriggles the blade out of its fleshy sheath and exhales into a whistle. He looks gleefully at the drowned grass damp with blood. Gushing over his squirming toes.

      Its crown tumbles to the soil, antlers embedding deep into the foliage at Frogs feet. He sits beside Stag on the floor laden with pine needles--wreathing its glazed face like christ’s crown-- and strokes the un-bloodied fur of its forehead, holding its unblinking, waxy glare. Frog is the victor.

Frog/Mint is hunting! He kills a stag! Then he brutally dissects it;

      Peeling away at the thick membrane enshrouding Stag's skull, with tender interest, Frog carves muscle and fat from its head, pellucid and opaline, dropping the pale crumbs of carcass onto the ground. The deer’s dense ghost is not yet cold in his crimson tinted hands. 

Rowan feeling numb, because oh boy us writers like to see our characters in pain;

The water is scalding. Rowan breaks out in goose bumps. Catching her reflection in the rippling bathwater she almost doesn’t recognise herself. Flushed, pale cheeks. All sharp edges, cheekbones slicing beneath the eyes, graceful slanting nose scooping down into a slight point. Her lips protrude from her face, full and large, accommodating an easy smile. Rowan pulls her downturned lips into a small grin. The constructed happiness blurs in the water. Holding her breath, she leans into the baths hot grip, filling with her fiery hair.

    The silence smudges in her ears.

I also wrote some banter-y dialogues but I think I'll share them another time... After they've been edited.... a heck ton... There's an over exaggerated smoking description in this chap too but I've shared that before heh :)

I hope you enjoyed this LONG overdue chapter update! So far there are 7 chapters, so I have a lot of updating to catch up on! :)

I don’t have a tag list at the moment, but if you’re interested in this wip and want to be on it, then please send me an ask or a comment and I’ll add you :)

Tag list, ask to be added or removed;

@alicewestwater @elaz-ivero @coffeeandcalligraphy @hanwatchingmovies @sirfitzroys @chloeswords @nev-953

#writing #writeblr #chapter update #writing update #novel update #chapter excerpt #excerpts from my writing #writing excerpt #novel excerpt #wip excerpt #wip #novel wip #novel drafting #butterfly blood

[cinaminho]

Stray Mafia: They Punish their S/O [More Violent Version]

╰ Group: Straykids

╰ Genre: Angst / action

╰ Warnings: Slight Violence,, swearing,, short ,, only the Hyung line

Requested: Yes

Sidenote - Guys I want you to know that I try to go easy on violence in these things because I don't want to upset any of you, so if this is uncomfortable in any way for any of you to read, I apologize and I'll take it down

Plot - you've been very disobedient in your Underworld leader turned lover's eyes, for the sake of this scenario it'll take place before they and their S/O grew closer they've put up with a lot from you but this is the last straw , you now are put in the position to see what they're really like when tested, but how sad is it that it took an act of violence to show it.

---

Bang Chan: He really didn't understand what was so hard about listening to his wishes , he simply wanted you to keep your mouth shut about his dealings with 'the underworld', but you couldn't even give him that, of course no one believed you when you'd tell people about him and his underground business either that or Chan had scared them into pretending they didn't, either way it'd get back to him everytime and he was sick of it.

You had come back from your daily blabbering to the town unaware that he'd always known you did so, so you didn't expect any consequences, especially not these kind. He appeared quietly behind you as you layed your Coat on the couch, "Enjoy your day in town, babygirl?" His voice seemed more monotone and empty than usual it made an involuntary Chill run through your body as you suddenly felt the need to face him, you were basically chest to chest when you turned around, your eyes met his seeing pitch black orbs instead of his usual soft dark brown ones. His eyes board into yours making you break the contact and look past him, your heart stuttered and your fingers twitched at your sides nervously , you were scared to speak really and confused by the tension "I think I'm gonna go wash up."

You stated, your voice was shakey and barely heard when you slipped passed him, your escape was quick but not successful "I Think I asked you a question." Chan said as he extended his arm and grabbed you forcefully by the back of your neck, your breathing pace quickened as you yelped feeling the burning sensation from his finger nails digging into the back of your neck as he jerked you backwards, the impact was so strong that you tripped backwards, your back crashed against the wooden Table that sat infront of the couch, you felt like a crash test dumb as you toppled off of the tables top and head first onto the wooden floor, surely you were unconscious afterwards but that didn't stop Chan from speaking, he was motionless the whole ordeal, he just watched as your body rolled off of the wooden surface, he calmed down a little once he saw no movement from you.

He sighed annoyed before walking over and squatting down so that his body was next to yours, "My My Dear, you really are a clutz be more careful, but I will say you really should learn to keep your mouth shut, dangerous people out in this world will do anything to make sure you don't jeopardize anything too significant. Now how should we get you back conscious?" He spoke as he ran the back of his finger down your jawline, but of course you couldn't hear him, you were unconscious.

Kim Woojin: You clearly should've just minded your business as you had no say in Woojin's business affairs between him, his father, and a few of the gangs most respected members, but you opened your mouth anyways voicing concern about A stupid decision to move Stray's base into the middle of the city, His father understood your concern but Woojin didn't so he decided to close the meeting up and reschedule so he could have a talk with you, he told you to meet him in the billards room. You already knew Woojin was going to be a nag, throw a few threats, maybe yell, but you didn't know the severity of how angry he was, the thing with Woojin was the fact that he seemed calm even when pissed off. You opened the door before loudly shutting it signaling that you had arrived, Woojin didn't flinch in the slightest even when the door slammed though you did but played it off crossing your arms and tapping your foot impatiently, Woojin concentrated on shooting the ball across the table and into the hole of the pool table before standing straight up and facing you with his hands rested on top of the stick.

"Please allow me the pleasure of knowing just how significant you think you are in this 'marriage'?" Although that comment slightly offended you, you had learned to show little to no emotion to Woojin, you rubbed the center of your forehead easing the throbbing that crept into it, "Woojin it was a stupid call, so I voiced my op-" Woojin practically seeped venom from his lips as he spoke urgently as he came and stood in front of you , "You don't get to have an opinion about it!" How quickly he became angry had you taken aback but you weren't about to stand their and be disrespected so you turned on your heels to leave but the swishing sound of something going through the air plus the harsh and quick stinging to the back of your thigh made your knees buckle colliding with the ground.

A shrill cry left your lips as you rubbed the back of your surely scarred thigh. You slumped over your voice was caught in your throat you felt the tears running down your face furiously but you couldn't utter a sound. Woojin got down on one knee placing what was supposed to be a comforting hand on your shoulder as your body Shook.

"Keep up with this behavior and it won't be unlikely that I completely lose my shit." He stood up pressing the bottom of the stick into the back of your shoulder, you tried to speak but your voice was too brittle, "I hope we won't have to have this conversation again." His voice was penetrating digging the stick farther into your shoulder before adding pressure before releasing you, your entire body met the floor, you rolled back and forth gripping your shoulder and thigh. He just went back to playing pool

Lee Minho: Minho had always known that'd you'd be more than a handful, he liked that, it'd be a challenge which was nothing to him he enjoyed your many bickering stand offs but it was when he actually told you specifically not to do something and you went ahead and did it anyway that'd get him a bit more riled up than usual , up until now he was able to warn you without having to go further but he guessed that his actions had to speak louder than his words this time . You were in the kitchen stirring a sauce to a Korean Dish that'd you'd been practicing learning how to make it unaware of Minho appearing around the corner leaning against the base of the kitchen wall, you could hear shoes squeak on the tiles, you didn't bother to look knowing exactly who it was. You expected to bicker with him as usual, he came and stood behind you

Bringing his arms around so both were on either side of you trapping you between him and the stove but at a comfortable distance. Even though he wasn't majorly close you still knew he was peering over your shoulder which made you nervous and uneasy so you finally stopped stirring slamming the giant spoon down, "Minho, I believe we have a nice sitting area in the dining room, there is also the living room and any other damn room you could be in instead of watching me cook." You said through clenched teeth. He simply hummed bringing his hand to rest on top of yours which rested around the spoon , you quickly snatched it away bringing it up to your chest out of his reach, He rolled his eyes at your sudden snapping attitude , he retrieved your hand once again though you still fought it, he placed it back on the stove platform near the burning, "Tell me Y/n, do you get a kick out of screwing with me? Because if you did I feel that's a bit unlike you." He said resting his other hand on the back of your neck playing with the chain of your necklace, you Craned your neck, his hand clasped around tightly around your hand that was now a fist, you just looked ahead. "I don't know what you're talking about but what-", "Wrong tone approach, my sweet." He said grasping your hand tighter your knees went weak as the pain enhanced , Minho quickly put a hand on your lower back bringing you back up.

"Minho let my hand go what the hell are you trying to do break it?!" You yelled mildly. "What did I tell you about meddling in my business , hm?" His voice was flat as you fought to get your hand free no matter how much you jerked around he barely moved. "You bastard let the fuck go!" You exclaimed. Minho chuckled darkly, "See you obviously don't get it. Declining important calls because you want 'quality time' is a no. , "I didn't know they were important!" Your voice came out wobbly. "IT WASN'T FOR YOU TO KNOW!" Minho suddenly snapped making your head Jerk away to prevent ear damage, Minho basically was like a bull with steam coming from his nostrils "here's the thing Y/n, if shit gets messed up on my part because of you, I'm going to be the one to get the heat for it, so with that being said" Your breathing was beyond rapid and Minho could see your panic as you looked into his eyes seeing no sign of the regularly Mischievous and flirtatious Boy, you searched for what he was going to say next but instead you felt it.

Minho Slapped away the pot of sauce and replaced it with your hand placing it on the burner , you let out a shrill and rough cry launching yourself backwards as All you could do was Let out blood churning cries, Minho took his hand away from supporting your back watching you fly backwards and smashing unto the floor. You were panting in pain Tears blurring your eyes completely as you felt your skin boiling on the palm of your hand. You balled up cradling your hand crying out as loud as you could, Minho stepped towards your fragile frame as your eyes squeezed shut tightly , "if I get burned then so do you." Minho said finishing his statement from earlier before stepping over you and out of the kitchen.

Seo Changbin: You felt beyond guilty for what you were doing, you knew that not only Changbin but the entire Stray Mafia would have your head if they knew what you were doing, you had told Changbin that you were just going to spend a few days with your family before the wedding which he finally allowed after much begging, but what he didn't know was that you'd be out all day scavenger haunting for information on matter regarding your fiance and his gang, you'd be out all day finding info and trading it, to anyone else it was the ultimate betrayal which you knew so although you didn't want to lose your life it'd be worth it if someone's much greater hung in the balance as well, your own family member.

You were being used as a puppet, a decoy, You'd be dead for sure once Changbin found out, you actually went to sleep in your pool house near your shared home since you were 'with family' and you'd just take pretend to come back each morning, but as winter was finally hitting you didn't see the pool house as a good environment it was beyond drafty.

You snuck back into your shared home around midnight and would just make up an excuse tomorrow. "The pool house isn't comfortable anymore I taketh?" Your feet automatically ceased movements once you heard the voice that you could mistake for none other Than Changbin. You cursed under your breath trying to keep your voice steady "Uhh yeah, I crashed there for a bit. We haven't used it in a while so I thought I'd relax there for a bit." Your voice felt it was shrinking more with every word. Changbin sighed inwardly trying to keep himself in control but he really didn't like being lied to. "I know you've been staying there. What were you really doing it for, For days may I add?" He said approaching you from his seat on the stair, you stiffened feeling the need to disappear but were stuck in fear.

"I just wanted space and I knew you wouldn't settle for my real place of relaxation." Your supposed explanation came out as more of a question you mentally screamed as Changbin now stood in front of you but you did your best to show guilt as you gazed at him . "I'd like to think that'd you be smart enough to know not to lie to me." , he was right but that didn't stop you. "Changbin that's the truth now I just want to go to bed." Once again your voice was not trustworthy as you could hear your rugged breathing as You hastily passed him jogging to the staircase you knew he was hot on your trail and for some reason the stairs seemed farther than normal .

You quickly began running making yourself look further more guilty you were now racing up the many stairs hearing Changbin not far behind, your lungs not really allowing much air to transfer through them. You soon felt a grasp on your right leg causing your legs to give out from under you next thing you felt your head collide with the stairs as he dragged you down , much after that was blurry no matter how many times you blinked your sight wouldn't focus as your face layed against the steps, All you knew was that you couldn't lift your head noticing something red in your vision that was surely blood, you couldn't possibly have not bled from that.

Every sense was fading in and out as you felt yourself slipping into an unconscious state, the last thing you heard was Changbin's voice, his features were all but clear his voice seemed to be drowned out almost but you were sure you heard some of what he said. "Now look at the mess you've made." He sighed as he rolled you over on your back seeing the massive gash leaking on your forehead, he rolled his eyes, "Great now we have to take you to the hospital and tell them what a clutz you are. I really hope for your sake you tell me the truth because a few stitches won't help the damage I'll cause if you don't."

-

-

Yeah I just couldn't see my widdle Han , Hyunjin and Felix in this predicament I struggled with even the Hyung line, they just are so

delicate and probably would feel bad about harming a fly 🤧 cute. I just hope you guys liked it, I still held back on violence so it wouldn't be too uncomfortable for you , these were supposed to be short but I got carried away . ❤

#stray mafia #stray kids #kpop #stray kids scenerios #kpop scenerios #bang chan #kim woojin #lee minho #seo changbin #stray kids reactions #stray kids requests #hwang hyunjin #han jisung #lee felix #kim seungmin #yang jeongin #kpop fanfiction #fanfiction #stray kids fluff #stray kids soft hours #kpop multifandom #stray kids chris #stray kids minho #stray kids seo changbin #stray kids woojin #stray kids writing #stray kids mafia au #kpop meme

[estrxlar]

The Ghost Of You

04 - Learning To Receive

These chapters songs:

Moonlight On The River; Mac Demarco

Nostalgic Feel; Bedroom

New Flesh; Current Joys

——

TW: Self-harm, death.

(Not done by you, don't worry)

——

- K.S. Perspective

      Only two or three days had passed since high school had started, which meant only a couple more walks home with Y/n. They were shorter and quiet, and of course, there weren't any swerving cars.

But so far, what I had suspected was correct. She and I made amends and became buddies, thankfully.

      The only times she was left alone were when I had morning practice, and she had to have one of her friends drive her home. Either that or she would have to walk home alone. I would've loved to accompany her, but volleyball was something I didn't take lightly, and my priorities were important to me.

      Both I and my younger brother participated in volleyball and gave it our all ever since we were able to balance on our feet. Sadly, our parents were far too busy to go to any games, or even help us practice at home. But their goal was for their kids to grow up strong and steady with good grades and good stats, so that's why they made sure my younger brother and I were on top of our shit.

      Once my first year ended, I didn't expect that I would have to carry so many burdens all in one year. That's around the time mother had died from sickness, which left me with doubts, wishes, and an unaccomplished relationship with her.

      After the sudden death, our family didn't move on very well. My brother developed anxiety and depression, and he eventually had to take a break from school and volleyball. Then, my father became dull and increased his hours at work to avoid coming home to such a depressing home, leaving my brother and me to continue caring for ourselves, by ourselves.

      I, on the other hand, had barely anything to say about it. All I could do was pose as if I were handling it better than I had. Truth is, my mother's death changed my entire persona. I grew grim and gummy, deprived myself of rest, and repressed the trauma I've received. Not only did I overwork myself because of volleyball and stress, but I also grieved in harmful ways. It'd either be a blade to the wrist, or a night with a girl; anything that could help distract me from my state of deep dejection.

      It's been that way ever since. Only recently have I realized that I'm ruining whatever recovery I built up. That was all because of my best friend— Daichi— who had helped me come out about my feelings towards my mom's passing. Ever since, I've been able to learn from my mistakes, and slowly pick my life back up. I was beginning to become a better player for my team, better support for my family, and a better person for myself.

      That only happened recently. So now, I'm left with lots of things to mend, and relationships to make. I'm determined that I'll mourn more healthily than before.

——

      "Y/n!" A hopeful call leaves my lips, turning her head. As assumed, it was Y/n. Today she looked even brighter than before; she just has gotten more sleep. Not to mention she wore long socks instead of leggings, which must have been pretty hard in this weather.

      I didn't get to see her this morning due to morning practice, but I did catch her before lunch. Just enough time to tell her I won't be riding the bus tonight either.

      I look both ways of the cross hallway, before grabbing my book bag strap with both hands and jogging towards Y/n. I wasn't sure why I was so eager to see her, but all I knew was I needed a refreshing moment, and she could give me exactly that.

      "Why hello, Mrs. Refreshing!" I joke, bowing my head towards her while she giggled. Looking up, she stands there, shining by the sunlight that reflected on the windows.

      'If I could, I'd take a photo of you right here, just to show you how gorgeous you are.' I quickly put a halter on my thoughts, snapping back to a respectful filter. 'No, I can't do that. Not to myself, most definitely not to Y/n.'

      "You look nice today!" I exclaim, awkwardly patting the side of my hips while smiling at her. Hopefully, I hadn't made her uncomfortable in the first ten seconds of talking to her. The last thing I wanted was to ruin yet another relationship with a girl.

      Thankfully, Y/n responded with kind appreciation to my comment. "Why thank you, sir. And what brings you in my presence?" Her words curl in a formal British accent, adding onto our joke.

      Standing normally, I explain, "Oh, nothing. I just wanted to say hi, and to tell you I might not be walking home with you today. I'm really sorry,  practice has been very necessary for our team. I-I hope you understand." I stutter on the last part, with a gentle tone to add on. Ditching Y/n for most of the week wasn't what I had planned at first, but what I had told her was 100% true. The first years, as well as the rest of us, we're in bad shape. With our spring tournament coming up, we had no time to waste.

      "Oh, that's alright. I understand. I was in volleyball too, after all. Although, I do wish you could still accompany me. It gets a little lonely.." She looks down for a minute while I contemplate my existence entirely. 'So it does bother her.' But she quickly caught onto my thoughts by my expression and came up with a solution. "If— if you'd like, I can simply stay near the gym until practice is over! That way I can see you and your boys in action, yeah?"

      Her fists pop up into the air, as a bright smile appeared on her face. If you didn't know Y/n personally, you would expect them to be cold stone and dull. But in reality, I find they're like everybody else, and have a bright side to them, just like the one that was being portrayed right now.

      Nodding with her statement, I reply hesitantly. "Hm, I'd have to ask the captain, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind—"

      "Oh, Daichi? We're buddies, he'll be alright." I'm dazed by what she'd said, pausing the motion of rubbing my neck. She and Daichi hang in completely different groups, though! 'How is it they know each other? They hang around two very different friend groups.. that is unless they have some type of history I'm unaware about.' I think to myself, trying my best to find a reason they would be friends, but I couldn't. And so, I begin my questioning. "You two know each other?"

      Suddenly, Y/ns gaze twists. "Suga, you introduced me to them during our first year, silly. Remember? I went with you from practice once. And besides that, my good friend Miya is close to him."

      "Oh, yeah! I remember that. That means you only know Asahi, Daichi, and Kiyoko, right? I've gotta introduce you to the rest of the team! I'm sure they've missed you!" I chuckle, throwing an arm around her shoulders cautiously, expecting her to reject it. But she goes on casually with our discussion.

      "That's right.. well... I'm also— sort of— friends with them. Well, except Asahi. But Kiyoko and I are pretty close."

      '?' I tilt my head at the uncertain tone she spoke with. "Pretty close?" I ask, turning into the cafeteria with my arm still around her. The room is, of course, crowded as hell.

      Still, I manage to draw out what Y/n was saying to me, leaning my ear close to her mouth for better audio. "Yes! She's one of my best friends.. we used to date and it didn't work out, but we're pretty tight!"

      'DID I HEAR THAT RIGHT?!' My eyes widen, and I immediately let go of her, tightening my hands around the strap of my school bag. A gulp falls down my throat before I ask, "Did you say.. date?! You mean you two went out?!"

      To my surprise, Y/n nods proudly. "Yes! Why, did you not think she'd go out with a girl? Or is it so astonishing that I could ever get a girl like her?" She teases, while I'm still puzzled. So many questions ran through my head at the sudden fact: was Kiyoko gay? Was Y/n gay?! Does that mean she's gotten closer to Kiyoko than anyone before??

      "Suga, calm down. It's not like we're still together. As I said, it didn't work out!" She smirks towards me, putting a finger up towards her cheek. "Why? You got a little crush on her..? I wouldn't blame you."

      "N-no! It's not like that! It's just— she never told any of us. I guess she just keeps to herself more than predicted." My sentence comes out to sound like a question, rather than a response. It wasn't that I didn't support it, or that I was surprised Kiyoko would be her girlfriend. Honestly, I was just a little jealous of both of them.

      Either way, it seemed it didn't work out. So it didn't matter now. "Anyway, we're about best friends now, so I'm pretty familiar with your team. I don't think they would mind if I came, but just in case, I'll ask Daichi and Kiyoko." She explains, before looking back towards the slowly dying crowd of students in front of the cafeteria. "I better go soon, Suga. I'll let your captain know I'll be heading over there later—"

      "Wait!" I shut my eyes out of nervousness, as my brain wires work to come up with an excuse for why I yelled that. "You used to play volleyball, right?"

      An awkward nod from Y/n is given to me, followed by, "Yes, but I was sort of just a bench warmer. Nothing big." The hands that held her lunch box gripped tighter, as she suspected I would ask her a favor much larger than a lunch.

      "Mind helping me teach one of our new members how to receive?" I say. "His name is Hinata, and he's a first year. He has great talent and has great potential, but he kind of... sucks at volleyball. I mean, from what I've heard, he practices a lot. But I just think he needs some guidance. So, want to?"

      "Uhm... I'm pretty rusty.. but sure! It wouldn't hurt, right? Besides, I think I need a break from my friends wouldn't do any harm."

      'Yes, I did it.' I thought to myself, before leading her towards the doors that led to the gym. "Alright then, right this way!"

      "Suga! Don't you need your bag?" She immediately asks, tugging on my collared shirt. But I shake my head, responding with a light smile.

      "It's already outside, I just came to check on you, is all."

——

      Up, down, and up again went the ball. Each receive that Hinata had tried had failed every time. At this point, I wouldn't blame Y/n if she wanted to leave. But there she sits against the concrete wall of the outside of the gym, licking white rice off a spoon.

      "Hinata, drop your hips down more," I say to him, demonstrating the position I had stated. "Hit the ball like you're trying to return it where it came from. Got it?"

      Hinata's light expression appears on his face once again. "Yeah, got it!" He exclaims, before getting right into position. I signal the ball is going in the air before my palm hits it in the right spot, sending it towards him.

      And it shoots right back, along with a slap against Hinata's wrists. "Nice!" He praises himself, leaving a feeling of proudness deep within me.

      I'd never been able to teach somebody one of my special skills and having them accomplish it, not the way I did with Hinata. But that was mostly because he was driven by his entire body and soul to memorize every movement in his muscles to create a perfect receive. And who had taught him that? Your one and only.

      "Would you like me to start setting for you tomorrow morning?" I ask the ginger with confidence he'd reply with a yes. Thankfully, that's exactly what happened. His eyes light up in the sun, and his hands take full hold of the ball. "Y-you mean it, sir?!"

      The cold wind hits me, as well as another dosage of serotonin from the first year."Well, I am Karasuno's official setter after all! And you wanna practice spikes, right?" I ask, placing my red hands onto my hips.

      "Exactly! I love to spike! It feels so good when you get it right, and it's cooler than anything!" He shouts. I couldn't help but laugh at his excitement, even if it wasn't the first time he'd portrayed it. Hinata sure reminded me of my past self, and I'd do anything to help first-year Sugawara.

      Y/n suddenly joins our conversation, digging into a reason why Hinata is the way he is when it comes to spikes. "You must have a thing for spiking, don't you?"

      Hinata nods, putting a fist towards his face. "Yes. I didn't have a setter throughout middle school, and I was actually the only club member until my third year of junior high. I used to get my friend in the Basketball Club to toss for me, but after I had dropped out of the club, I went to anybody that could help me practice. Take the first years, and the ladies and setters from the girls' team, too. I've made a lot of friends along the way, but none of those people could ever become my real teammates. That's why I was dying to find out what kind of setters were in high school— but now.. you know."

      Hinatas pure passion dies down once he reaches the word 'setter', and I wouldn't blame him. The person he's supposed to be paired with is his complete opposite, and frankly, a dick-head. "Well, as I said, I'm a setter too. I'll toss you a few, Hinata! Don't get all down."

      I was expecting further satisfaction, but instead, his expression twists into envy. "But it's just that if I have you throw to me now, it kind of feels like... I'm losing." He frowns, looking away from my figure in anger.

      "You're just like someone I know, Hinata!   Always competitive." Y/n says, placing her small bento to the side, and lifting herself from the shaded spot she sat in. Her hands dust off her navy blue skirt, and her blazer comes off. "Why're you so competitive when it comes to Kageyama?"

      "If you ask me, it's better to avoid making enemies with those kinds of people." I join in.

      She wraps her hands around Hinatas shoulders, leaning over his shoulder. "You know, Hinata, you're not as bad as you make yourself out to be. Wanna know a secret about Kageyama?"Without hesitation, Hinata is fully interested in what Y/n had to say. Frankly, so was I.

      "Whatever you see from Kageyama is something he's learned from other players. He wasn't always so snobby; he used to be calmer and kinder. But once he was shown what he could do with his talent, it went to his head. Don't let that become you, Hinata! You have so much potential it's insane! I've never met anybody with as much love for volleyball as you." She pulls up her sleeves, getting into position for a receive, signifying I could rest now. "

      "How do you know what he used to be like, Y/n?" Hinata asks her, sending the ball into the air. My eyes follow it, but my ears listen intently to their conversation.

     "Well, I went to the same middle school as him. When he was a first-year, I was a third. Me and my friend we're on the girls' team, while my other three friends were on the boys' team. The four of us practiced every second of the day, which meant the two teams spent a lot of time together. Everything Kageyama knows is from another player; don't think he's just magically good at volleyball. Anyway, I don't know much about Kageyama, but I do know that he's changed dramatically." She explained. Just then, the bell for our sixth period had rung, and doors were heard opening and closing, as well as students fluttering around hallways.

       The three of us pause our mini practice and gather out things where they were settled. Thoughts ran through my head as I put my school blazer back onto my torso. If Y/n went to the same middle school as Kageyama, that must mean she knows a lot about Aoba Johsai: one of our greatest enemies in volleyball. And if she knows him, could she be familiar with his playstyle? In that case, having her around would not harm the team.

      "Sugawara, I'm off." She's heard saying from behind me, while she put her school bag over her shoulders. "Thank you for having me here with you and Hinata, I'm glad I could be of help."

      I nod in response, nervously breathing through the teeth."Yes, of course. Uhm— would you like me to pick you up from your classroom later on? Either that, or you could walk to the gym after band practice." I ask the young girl, longing for more time to hang about her.

      Then, she began walking backward, meanwhile talking. "I think I'll be just fine, Sugawara. No need to worry about me all the time. I've managed without you the past couple of days haven't I?" Her h/c danced with the wind as she did so, and the corners of her lips rose as she said so.

      "That's right.. I'll catch you later then!" I manage to shout out, raising a hand for a gentle wave, but it was too late. Y/n was already turning into the doors of the school, returning the gesture.

      Somehow, she always found a way to make the chains around my heart tighten a bit more. What was it that drew me towards Y/n? Hell, if I knew. "Wow, Sugawara. You've got yourself a pretty friend! She seems nice, too." Hinata expresses, looking agar with me. "Is she your girlfriend, or something?"

      "No, Hinata. Just an old friend. Someone who may know me better than anybody, you know." Y/n; The girl who knew her way around my heart.

—

Hey everybody, sorry I've been M.I.A for a while. Don't worry, I'm not giving up on my ff!!! I would never do that. This fan fiction is super duper important.

Please note my chapters!! It lets me know you guys enjoy them.

Make sure to be taking care of yourself: drink water, go outside, eat something, and heal yourself after hard work:) It's currently mental awareness month, and it's very important to be taking time for yourself.

love you guys

- Sugawara's beauty mark

[graequeen]

La Mia Ragazza Rockey

Chapter 3

I never knew how hard it was to find another job. I mean, it's easy to fill out the applications, and send out resumes, but it was another to find one that worked with my schedule. I worked one job Monday through Friday, 8am to 5pm, and I worked my other job 12pm to 6pm on Saturday and Sunday. Even with just two jobs, I barely have enough time to sleep, let alone relax. The only thing that I found so far was more waitressing jobs, and I won't lie, I am done with waitressing. 

          It's been two weeks since I last spoke with Danny, and he hasn't stopped trying to reach me. I had to change my phone, and number, and put all of my social media accounts on private. It was quite annoying to be honest, not to mention, expensive. 

          Danny even began bothering Caden at work, though he made sure to keep his distance from him at times. Veronica had been clinging onto Danny, and has been posting shady shit on her Facebook account. Everyone noticed a change in her personality. Since they've been caught, Danny tries his hardest to stay away from her. Because of this, she has been coming into work with questionable attire.

          I haven't been ok since the fight; I've been just going with the everyday flow. I've been distracting myself as best as I could, trying my hardest to shake this depressing feeling away. I still managed to work my other jobs, though it proved to be difficult. I've either slept on my desk at the office, or shown up a half hour late to my cleaning job. It's been bugging me, because I have strong work ethics; I don't work like this. 

          At the moment, I was using Caden's laptop, searching through Craigslist. I've been staying over Caden's place, sleeping on the couch. I've been trying to find a place of my own, but I can only focus on one hard task at a time. 

          Caden was out working at the moment, and I was with his roommate Tony. Tony usually kept to himself when there was company over; he was the complete opposite of Caden in regards to personality. But he was being helpful, and decided to assist me. We both spent this Friday evening diligently searching over whatever job posting we can get our hands on online. 

          "Rockey, what about substitute teaching?" Tony asked as he poured himself another cup of coffee. He just came back from working overnight, and didn't get a chance to sleep. "If memory serves me correctly, didn't you complete your Associate's Degree?" 

          I began to think. 'I did complete my Associate's  Degree...but for Psychology. What the fuck am I going to do with an Associate's Degree in Psychology!?' I began to bang my head softly against the narrow kitchen counter. "I swear I am going to become a PIMP AND MAKE SOME REAL MONEY!" I exclaimed. 

          Tony began to laugh at my resolve, but there was a large part of me was not lying. I wonder how much they really make…?

          "But seriously Jaz, you can become a substitute teacher. Or a private tutor or something?" Tony added. He walked by me and showed me a listing for a private tutor on his phone. There were a few listings for nearby schools and wealthy families that needed help. My doubts began to bubble forward.

          I picked one randomly, and read the description. "Tutor Needed: Family in search of a private tutor to help three young kids. Would need total understanding of elementary school subjects, have college credits, and be available after school at 3:30pm Monday thru Friday. Wage would be determined based off of education and experience. Only serious applicants apply!" 

          "Hmmm…" I said. It was interesting, but my doubts began to weigh heavy. The hours did coincide with my current availability, but there was a great chance that this would take up most of my time. Becoming a private tutor for one child would be time consuming, imagine three?! I mean, if the pay was great, I would be able to switch things around, but there was no guarantee that I would get paid a lot…

          "You are over thinking it, aren't you?" Tony asked. I couldnt help but look at him with astonishment. 

          "Tony, how do you know what I am thinking?! If you weren't batting for the other team, I would have proposed to you already! I swear you know me!" I said, only half jokingly. 

          Tony handed me another cup of coffee, and sat next to me. "Jaz, it wouldn't hurt to check it out. And what is the worst they can say to you? No? And what if you end up getting the job? Imagine if you like it?!" He said, purring his last words. That last part made me laugh so hard, that I cried. It's been a awhile since I laughed that hard; it felt good. 

          "Fine!" I said after a few minutes of laughing. "I'll send over my resume over. But when I don't get an interview, I'm going to cry!" I said in a dramatic fashion. I began to pretend crying, adding obnoxious sounds like a two year old. Tony was quick to shut me up.

          "Now with that out of the way, you NEED to do something about your hair and wardrobe! Girl, I cannot let you leave this apartment looking the way you do." He said as he grabbed my arm and rushed me to the bathroom. 

          Before I had a chance to protest, my hair was out of its messy bun, and let loose. He began to dig through the cabinets; taking out boxes of hair dye. After removing three boxes of an ash brown hair color, he grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my head. "My love, get ready for an entirety new you!"

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