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tosikoarts · 4 years

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SFW Alphabet | Tsukishima Hajime

Here he comes, my favorite boy. You can check tosikowrites tag for more. Warning: there’s a lot under the cut.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Showing affection is something Tsukishima forgot how to do. It is almost foreign to him after what happened with Igogusa, after years of war and service under the leadership of Tsurumi. He knows exactly how easily happiness can be acquired and how easily it can be taken away, by unknown forces and by someone close to him.

An obvious sign of interest would be gratuitous help that Tsukishima offers to the person. When everything falls out of hand, he is right there to catch. Tsukishima does little errands in between taking care of Koito’s whims and bigger ones he saves for later to look at them closer. He genuinely enjoys helping them and seeing how grateful smile lights up their face.

Another one would be small gestures like walking them home after dark or bringing unpretentious little thingies that made Tsukishima think of them. If he goes to the market and notices their favorite candy, he will surely buy it. At times, it gets more serious. For example, if they wanted nice new shoes, Tsukishima will save money up from his sergeant's salary to afford the best pair in the shop.

Letters. So many letters. A soldier's life presents a gift in the form of partings, and in order to somehow compensate frequent goodbyes and innumerable kilometers between them, Tsukishima puts his heart and soul into letters. They may not be that frequent, and he keeps crossing out words that seem too sweet, but it is the very intimate way to maintain the precious bond.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Local mom-friend that takes care of you when you are suffering the worst hangover and saves your ass from last night’s consequences. Tsukishima puts all the effort to shield his best friend from problems, and if they are inevitable, he has a clear plan of actions how to fix unfixable and repair unrepairable.

Responsibility is another of his distinctive features. When it comes to school or work, he is second to none: Tsukishima is up to help with difficult tasks or take on the role of mentor. He is amazingly good teacher, albeit strict at times, that has the ability to explain the most confusing concepts better than that Indian guy on YouTube.

Is it worth mentioning that he is a devoted friend? It doesn’t matter what happened between him and his friend in the past, Tsukishima always comes back to them. No distance, no time, no other people are able to make him turn around and leave a friend to the mercy of fate.

Probably the friend you think you know well but suddenly it turns out he has more dark secrets than the most deranged madlad from your fried group. Also, you can’t judge him. Only accept. You know if Tsukishima had to do somthing, he had his reasons you are not allowed to question.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Yeah, of course, but he hasn’t cuddled anyone in years (young whining Koito that craves reassurance and family warmth doesn’t count) so it may be awkward. It is very likely that he will simply move over, apologize, and wait for the next time when he is more comfortable with all of love dumped on him. Tsukishima doesn’t care about positions and will adapt to the partner’s desires whether they want to spoon him or be kept on his lap. Cuddles are combined with back rubs, massages, head pats, even hair brushing and braiding if they are not afraid of tangles.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Both wants to and is afraid of settling down by himself, left alone with his loved one. Over the years spent in the army, he lost the sense of life’s fullness, and now Tsukishima drifts freely without a specific direction. Military is where he belongs to, it gives him purpose and reason to exist, and as time passed, he forgot how to live outside the barracks. Gentle persuasion would be the best option to assure Tsukishima in his ability of living normal life. Maybe, owning a small house overlooking rocky shore and sparkling ocean isn’t a bad idea, he just isn’t ready to accept it. Both great in cooking and cleaning, prefers to do the latter.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He is visibly uncomfortable when confronted about working late and postponing previously such long-awaited dates. Tsukishima is lost for words since he can find none that could describe how sorry he is. Inner guilt forced him to defer this moment until the last minute: breaking-up right before another trip (the further the better) will make it impossible to crawl back to them when loneliness overtakes him again. Overthinks a lot. Nevertheless, Tsukishima finally speaks out in an even calm voice, as if he is reporting to his superiors, apologizes, and bows low. So low that chances of meeting their surprised gaze drop to zero. He quickly retreats without giving them the opportunity to say anything in return. Drinks more than usual during the trip, makes Koito nervous with unfriendly passive-aggressive aura he carries for weeks.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

This is the part where Rick Astley’s Never Gonna Give You Up starts playing because this is the man who fits all of the chorus lines perfectly. Tsukishima grows attached to the loved one fast and after this he is physically unable to think romantically of anyone else. Igogusa’s memory is another proof of his deep, borderline painful commitment. One year or year and a half is enough time for Tsukishima to start looking at municipal government office with certain interest. He takes marriage very seriously though, he dates for it, not for entertainment.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He is what a soldier is trained to be (so not so gentle in physical plane) but you don’t have to dig deep to see Tsukishima’s hidden soft core. In everyday life, he's an absolute sweetheart. All he really wants in a relationship is to love and be loved, that’s all. Tsukishima doesn't even have a lurking desire, intrusive thoughts of messing with the feelings unlike some individuals. Soft, soft, soft, and he doesn’t deny it.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

It feels like a child’s hug: tight and unhesitant, with his hands wrapped around person’s waist and face buried in their neck. Light blush covers Tsukishima’s cheeks and he can’t stop smiling. If his partner is smaller than he is, Tsukishima will pick them up, and if they are taller he will try to hug them as if to almost hide in their arms. Picking him up will result in embarrassed exclamations but Tsukishima actually enjoys their attention.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

One year is the limit. Less time than 6 months feels a little bit rushed to him and more than one year seems like an unnecessary delay. Tsukishima is expectedly sincere in his confession; he doesn’t hold back and wriggle because of how confident he is in his feelings. It is not a long rehearsed monologue but a stream of consciousness, full of confessions how he likes their shining eyes, how their clumsiness makes his day a little brighter, how their whole character amazes him from day to day. The only thing that can possibly overwhelm Tsukishima is the overthinking of their possible negative reaction. One of his biggest fears is to appear too persistent with the confession and scare them away so he puts a lot of thought in choosing the right time and the right place.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Obviously expects his partner to reject any cheeky suitor since he understands that their natural beauty is hard to resist. If they choose to accept stranger’s attentions, Tsukishima feels insulted and betrayed. Trust is a key factor in the relationship so such irresponsible attitude towards the loyalty huts him deeply and rises suspicion of oncoming break-up. Also, being in limbo and asking himself whether they want to be with him or not takes a toll on Tsukishima’s psyche. He becomes more withdrawn and taciturn and spends more time busy at work with trying to distract himself from intrusive thoughts.

If his partner decides to go around and flirt, Tsukishima will be overtaken with anger. He is furious. The glass in his hand sonorously cracks under the pressure while he watches them ungodly teasing unsuspecting men. He doesn’t start a fight or scream at his loved one and keeps everything inside. It is enough for him to witness such behavior two times to leave them without long explanations and quarrels.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

A bit inept and greedy. Tsukishima tends to defer the kiss until his partner is ready to nicely ask him for one but after that he is completely in for a ride. The last time he kissed anyone is unknown-how-many-years-ago so it is natural for Tsukishima to be a little bit sloppy and eager. Lip kisses are golden classic and fits his character perfectly. It takes a good push to shift things in more intimate direction though. The most efficient way to do it is to play on Tsukishima's weaknesses: the back of his neck as well as earlobes and straight line down the spine. A few gentle touches and hardened composed soldier melts down like an ice on the sun.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

If you want to calm down a crying baby just give it to Tsukishima. It seems like kids feel sympathy when looking at his tired face and try to cause little trouble so as not to disappoint him even more. Smart children clearly amuse him, and Tsukishima strongly encourages their desire for knowledge, their curiosity and ambitions. Every now and then sudden thoughts about starting his own family pop up in his head but Tsukishima is kind of indecisive. Right now he is not ready to take on such responsibility, but in the future, dream of starting a big family could become a reality.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

It is impossible to catch Tsukishima in the morning during work week and it still isn’t that easy on the weekend. Insomnia keeps him up at nights so his day can start a long before his partner opens their eyes. On such nights, he goes for a lonely walk around the block and, on his return, prepares a light breakfast for two. There are also rare moments when Tsukishima falls asleep right before first sunbeam reaches earth. Those are the days when he sleeps in and refuses to get up from the bed, trapping his loved one in tight cuddle. Nuzzling into their neck, Tsukishima mutters that he needs five more minutes and he will definitely let go but five minutes turn into half of hour, then hour, and he never fulfills the promise.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

A great lover of a quiet pastime he is, Tsukishima likes to spend evenings playing intellectual games like shogi and reading whatever comes to hand. One of his favorite activities is resting his head on the partner’s knees and listening to them reading aloud haikus or other classic Japanese works. On warm summer nights, Tsukishima likes to go to the river or lake for skinny dipping since most onsens are separated by gender. Even if there is one that is not, he would still prefer more secluded place where there is no reason to worry about onlookers. If his partner wants to something more active and social, they will have to choose something not too overwhelming. Small friend gatherings are okay but huge parties drain the rest of the life from him.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Here is the thing: to pull personal information out of Tsukishima you have to know what to ask. You can’t say “Tell me how you got into army” and expect a little frank story, no. It would take a whole “It seems you and Lieutenant Tsurumi share some story” or something even more shifty to make him open up about this topic. It doesn’t mean that he is trying to hide something on purpose, but it definitely means he never had anyone to trust. Any claims that he is too secretive offend Tsukishima too.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Utter unshakable calmness in the middle of 7th Division craziness, either way because he has seen too much shit already or because he has no active neurons to react to it (insomnia, your know?). As a person who puts up with brain-juice leaking leader, spoiled naive brat in the dawn of youthful maximalism, mentally unstable fan boy, and mutilated lack-all on the verge of breakdown, he won’t even pay attention to small inconveniences. In quarrels, Tsukishima always appeals to rationality and perfectly avoids any escalation of the conflict. You have to ruin his life for him to snap, and when he does, someone’s neck will snap too.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Pays attention to them whenever around but forgets most of the stuff easily. Tsukishima only remembers one or two specific details that he can use practically in the future, like what their allergies are or what they want for the birthday. For the rest he has a small personal page in the notebook where he writes down little things that definitely will not stay in his memory for a long time. His writing comes in the code of abbreviations and numbers to make sure nobody pries into his personal life.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Used to be the one responsible in the group, he would probably remember moments where he was the one that had to be cared for. For once Tsukishima came down with a high fever and unbearable weakness, and it was a moment when his loved one jumped into merciless care-mode. He was put into bed with three pillows, teacup waiting for him on the nightstand, and even the most determined statements that he needed to finish some things have been met with indisputable refusal. They spun around him bringing medicine, food, and water whole day so Tsukishima couldn’t stop blaming himself for the helplessness. At the same time, his feelings of gratitude and love intensified with every thoughtful gesture so by the end of unfortunate leave Tsukishima almost regretted returning to his usual hectic life.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Previous experiences with both romantic relationship and role of sergeant-nanny taught Tsukishima one thing: danger is always there, even if it is not visible to the naked eye. A passerby can hide a loaded gun under his clothes, so there is not point to talk about hired killers, invisible diseases, natural disasters etc. Based on the above it is natural for Tsukishima be on the alert. He wants to know where his partner is going and with whom, warns them about his gut feeling if he has one, and, of course, intervenes at the sight of real danger without any second thought. Like this man would give up his life for a person who deserves it. Not at any point in time, Tsukishima expects his partner to protect him but if it happens, he will be extremely mad at them and himself too.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Tsukishima has a low social battery for the most of the time so he has to manage energy according to importance of the affairs. There is always a little bit more saved for his loved one, but you can’t really tell that he puts all of the effort into relationship. If work affairs did not suck the remnants of happiness from him, Tsukishima may stop and get a nice box of sweets or fruits. For special dates like their Birthday or anniversary, he saves money for a worthwhile present: for a female lover he would probably go for a beautiful silk tenga obi with celebratory motives or handmade jewelry box, and for male lover he would choose chopsticks with personalized engraving or exquisite lacquerware. Performs household chores well, although sometimes he has to be reminded about their existence.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Although Tsukishima is a stronghold of common sense, - he always keeps everything to himself, puts on a poker face, - once person gets on his nerves, they will see the worst side of him. Thanks to the famous reliability, Tsukishima learns where person’s weak spots are fast and he can easily hit them where it hurts with bold spiteful words.

Puts work over relationships. Setting to serve the homeland faithfully and unquestioningly rooted deep in his mind and now it is impossible to re-educate this shabby sergeant. Even in serious relationship, Tsukishima remembers about his duty as a soldier and as a son of Japan so he takes a lot of additional paperwork home.

As someone who used to be ordered around, Tsukishima still needs a guidance in the relationship. It takes a lot of thinking and weighing the pros and cons for him to make a decision but the partner’s opinion will be crucial nevertheless. In critical situations, he is perfectly oriented, but in a steady life? Not so much.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Cares enough to wash, dry, and iron his own uniform and brush up muddy toecaps of own boots. Tsukishima tries to blend in with surrounding, not to pop up, so he keeps his style in muted neutral colors (that applies to both clothes and shoes) and prefers strict uniform to anything else. In his view, moderation is the sister of style so the only thing that can make him pull off fancy apparel would be direct order from the First Lieutenant Tsurumi. Indifferent to how people perceive his physical appearance as well.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

If his partner decides it is a time to part the ways, he acts maturely, thanks them for the great moments that they shared and everything they achieved together. Even though Tsukishima is hurting, he keeps bitter reproaches to himself, knowing that lashing out won’t do anything good. It is not his style anyway. Few weeks need to pass by before the hurricane of emotions settles down and their image ceases to be associated with a romantic relationship. Instead, Tsukishima faces them again with a proposal to start everything from scratch. Leave everything behind and become friends. Just friends. No hard feelings. Honestly, being close to them is everything he asks for. If they decline, Tsukishima won’t bother them again, but if they agree, he won’t ever leave their side.

Their death is a punch to the gut. It is like Igogusa’s disappearing all over again, but more painful, more deliberate, more distinct. To say that he is heartbroken is to say nothing at all: division soldiers notice how gloomy their sergeant has become, they feel uneasy under his sharp look. It feels like one wrong word and he will snap. Now Tsukishima’s nihilism turns into total indifference to existence: he puts himself in danger just to see how long he can last.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Another one who has a great singing voice. He never ever sings in barracks or anywhere near his comrades but Tsukishima’s voice is charming: he has a sweet soothing bass-baritone that sounds the best in lullabies or ballads. Even though his partner may never hear a proper serenade, they may catch him quietly singing to their child instead of reading old fairytales.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Tsukishima can tolerate A LOT and turns blind eye to person’s bad habits for the sake of avoiding unnecessary stress. Therefore, there isn’t much that irritates him and even less that can drive him on the walls.

Grubbiness is one of the habits that Tsukishima cannot ignore. Clothes scattered around the room, unwashed dishes, and heaps of unnecessary junk get on his nerves but he keeps composure and never complains.

Loud noises, including chewing, smacking, munching, are annoying too but Koito’s constant monkey screeching desensitized him to the degree when Tsukishima takes a deep breath, prays to gods not to go apeshit, and goes on with his day.

Oh, he also hates summer. Hot temperatures force Tsukishima to soak in the bath three times more often than in winter or any other season.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Those bags under his eyes are Gucci Yoshida. Well, okay, Yoshida was established a little bit later but this is not so important. Tsukishima suffers from insomnia for who knows how long, and no doctor can help him. On sleepless nights, he just sits by the window and reads in the faint candlelight, still cherishing the hope of falling asleep in the morning. After moving in with his loved one, nothing really changed beside Tsukishima changing his habitual reading spot from armchair by the window to a more secluded place in another room. He doesn’t want to wake them up by accident.

In general, Tsukishima sleeps around 3-5 hours per day with occasional awakenings during the night. His sleep is shallow and filled with disturbing dreams in which shapeless shadows haunt him, driving him south of Mukden, where many of the Japanese brethren found eternal peace.

#golden kamuy #golden kamuy headcanon #golden kamuy imagine #hajime tsukishima #tsukishima hajime #tosikowrites

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yurimother · 4 years

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LGBTQ Manga Review - April Fools' Suicide

As much as I LOVE covering and reviewing the latest and greatest releases from the “big” names in Yuri, such as they are in what is still a niche genre, it is nice every once in a while to take a look at an up-and-comer. Unfortunately, the vast majority of English releases are from works that have already obtained some modicum of success in Japan and are well known. However, thanks to the power of the internet, I occasionally get the privilege of reviewing something a bit more obscure, such as Sumire’s April Fools’ Suicide. This original doujinshi began as a short comic on Twitter, then morphed into the author’s graduation project, and finally was completed as the volume I am reviewing today.

April Fools’ Suicide begins as the protagonist Miyata stands on a rooftop, prepared to jump to her death. Immediately, this sets off a barrage of red flags. While topics such as suicide and mental illness should not by any means be avoided in manga, far from it, they are essential to discuss in media, I am always wary of their presence. There is a right way and a very wrong way to depict suicide or suicidal thoughts. April Fools’ Suicide falls somewhere in between these two categories. April Fools’ Suicide does not work to link the suicide with any mental illness or demonstrate how help is available to those suffering. I will admit, I am probably more aware of these pitfalls than most, given that I work with a crisis line and train people in suicide prevention.

However, credit where credit is due, there are some aspects of the manga and its depiction of suicide I really like and appreciate. For one, Miyata does not die by suicide. Another girl, Tanaka, appears on the roof and declares that she has fallen in love with Miyata. This savior or lifeline character arc is incredible, although it is, of course, compounded with the sudden ridiculous declaration of love from a complete stranger, but such is Yuri. Additionally, as the manga progresses, Miyata’s life improves. The harassment and bullying she was experiencing stops, thanks to Tanaka, and she eventually makes friends and is able to stand on her own two feet. Major props to Sumire for showing how life can go on and be better.

Okay, enough about suicide, although if that topic makes you exceptionally uncomfortable, you probably want to avoid this manga regardless of the contents of this review. The plot continues as Miyata is shocked to discover that Tanaka is a new transfer student to her school. The two become friends, but Miyata eventually pushes Tanaka away. There are some shocking revelations, which I may add are appropriately foreshadowed and fit with the work’s overall tone, a bunch of wholly unrealistic decisions, and voila the girls are together. Yes, it is a standard girl-meets-girl, Yuri storyline. Although the drama, in this case, is not blown out of proportion as it usually is in this genre, although the heavy contents are not necessarily a plus.

April Fools’ Suicide’s plot is nothing too special, although the presentation is tight and focused. The pacing also feels hugely rushed, with no real-time for a relationship or bond to develop, which is more of a byproduct of being a one-shot doujin than anything else. It is not impossible in this medium, but it is extraordinarily difficult to do right. The characters are not as rushed nor as tepid, however. As previously mentioned, Miyata grows significantly in confidence and contentedness over the course of the volume, although her initial personality is not very defined at all beyond suicidal and lonely. Tanaka is a much more interesting character. She presents a playful and brave face but has a reputation for getting into fights, a status which she uses to her advantage. However, her vulnerabilities and struggles are highlighted in a beautiful, if disturbing, way.

Much like the core plot, the art of April Fools’ Suicide, is competent but unimpressive. It is nothing astounding in it, but neither is there any content that truly offends my eyes, aside from one misaligned double-page spread. Sumire has a few good pieces of art, a landscape shot of the city, a dramatic closeup during an emotional moment. She also uses the standard artwork effectively, with dynamic direction and smart choices compensating for the mediocre aspects. However, the cute moe character designs greatly detract and distract from the intense material the manga attempts to portray. Perhaps the great Moto Momono could pull off this combination, but here is unfortunately awkward. Additionally, on the note of presentation, while Macaron Press did an excellent job translating this manga, the typography is a severe flaw. The mixed-case font used throughout most of the manga makes it hard to read, as character heights are all over the place.

While I have pointed out some of April Fools’ Suicide shortcomings, it should be noted that this is not a bad manga. In fact, I was perhaps harder on this manga than I would typically be with a doujinshi because its presentation is so slick, aside from the glaring lettering problems. The story handles a complicated and risky story competently, though not gracefully, and the quality is consistent. Ultimately, April Fools’ Suicide is a true Yuri manga through and through, taking in all the drama, lack of realism, and metanarratives the genre has to offer. I had a pleasant time and with it and found it heartfelt and think you might too. The first part of the manga is available to read for free on Pixiv, so you have nothing to lose by checking it out.

Oh, one last thing, the bonus chapter/epilogue is so sweet, pure, and adorable. I am not saying buy it just for that, but I am not dissuading it.

Ratings: Story – 5 Characters – 5 Art – 6 LGBTQ – 4 Sexual Content – 1 Final – 5

Purchase April Fools' Suicide digitally in English and Japanese on booth and read part one on Pixiv

Review copy provided by Macaron Press

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snkpolls · 4 years

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Snk Chapter 129 Poll Results

The chapter poll closed with 1387 responses. This month’s poll results were brought to you by /u/staraves, Crunchwrap, @momtaku, _Puppet_, @shifter-lines and Luna

Thank you to everyone for your support!

RATE THE CHAPTER

Satisfaction was up this month with 41% rating this chapter a 5. That’s a 10% increase over last month! Overall 84% rated chapter 129 as good (4) or great (5).

A really great chapter. The jeagerist are getting sliced because they are scared for their family while the alliance know that they need to prevent mass genocide. There are no villain in this (apart from Floch) just victims.

After the sluggish post-rumbling chapters, I'm glad we're picking up the pace and getting things done now!

Loved the character interactions, had good plot advancement and some beautiful panels! Best chapter this year 😁😁

So fucking good. Highlighted that violence isn’t unique to the warriors, and that the 104th squad have a capability for violence within them as well.

The chapter was definitely not worth the long ass wait

A really good action chapter! Lots of intense moments that were also complimented quite well with poetic moments that felt great payoffs for many of the characters

The chapters have been so forgettable lately and this was no different. I wanted better for Shadis and this suicide pact was not it.

So many critical character bonding moments! I love it!

The best chapter since 123, I expect something big will happen in Chapter 130 because it is the last of the volume.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT?

It was no surprise to us that more than 40% of the fandom selected one of the Keith Shadis options as their favorite moment with “The Rise and Fall of the S.S Shadath” (22.6%) and “SHADIS THE CHADIS” (20.5%) nabbing the top two spots. The kiddos managed 3rd and 4th place with “Falco’s transformation” (12.2%) and “Gabi sniping Floch” (10.5%).

Seeing Shadis and Magath sacrificing for a greater good was the best part of this chapter.

Loved the floch speeches

It was nice to see the Yeagerists finally get decimated.

I always wanted to see interaction between Shadis and Magath. Late is better than never.

Action packed !

WHO WAS THIS CHAPTER’S MVP?

Give it up for Shadis the Motherfucking Chadis! Keith Shadis was our overwhelming choice for chapter MVP with an even 50% the fandom selecting him. Magath (20.5%), Floch (7.2%) Falco (6.7%) and Gabi (6%) followed at a huge distance.

SHADIS THE MOTHERFUCKING CHADIS

MAGATH THE MOTHERFUCKING CHADATH

Why can't I vote for Magath *AND* Shadis for MPVs of the chapter??? It is cruel that you make me choose.

Shadis and Magath, the true MVPs of this chapter. (Gabi still sucks)

Gabi MVP for giving Flock another win to the prize: "Big Oof of the month"

Floch was the true MVP this chapter and I'm sure he's still alive.

Magath and Shadis MVP

PRESS F FOR KEITH SHADIS. WHICH OF HIS FINAL MOMENTS WAS YOUR FAVORITE?

To the write-in below, I hear you. The pollsters (*glares of staraves*) were cruel this month in forcing this choice and deleting the “All of the Above” option. But when forced to choose, it was the mutual appreciation between the two men in their final moments that was our very favorite.

WHY THE FUCK CAN I ONLY PICK ONE ANSWER+???

holy shit what a chad

his suicide is overrated.

I was so touched that he watched his students and knew what he needed to do to help them.

A TRUE CHAD TO THE END, BUT WHY DID HE SACRIFICE HIMSELF?? WHY DID THEY HAVE BOMB THE SHIP W THEMSELVES IN IT???

ANY ADDITIONAL COMMENTS ON SHADIS’ OVERALL LEGACY IN THE STORY? POSITIVE, NEGATIVE, ANYTHING YOU CAN THINK OF!

Shadis' end is amazing. He came from "i'm not special" to "one of the heroes who saved the world". It's great development, confirming the rhetoric "everyone is special".

CHADIS!!! RIP

Definitely one of the most underrated character, though I'm happy seeing him getting a lot recognition on the sub. His dialogue with Carla about Eren needing to be special or not has to be one of my favorite part of SNK.

Dislike him. He sees how his recruits were forced to become Jaegerists yet slices and blows them up as if it was nothing.

He always thought of himself as a bystander but in reality he shaped and trained all the 104th kids. If they manage to save the world, it will be hugely thanks to his training.

Keith Shadis is a prime example of Isayama's dedicated effort to give meaningful characterisation to every character and tie it into the story's core themes.

He was a bittersweet hero. Definitely not just a bystander.

He was a fucking legend

I loved it. Every part of it. The fact that he always considered himself to be a bystander only to die a hero in the end was such a good arc, and believable. I'm gonna miss the Chadis. F.

I relate (not to the heroic suicide part, just the bystander stuff)

I respect him

I still can't really get why he did this tbh

He was far from perfect, which made him one of the most relatable characters in the series - so sad to see him go 😓😓

He was my favorite minor character

He was truly worthy of being called a hero at the end along with Magath. They died so their kids could live and save the world!

Him wearing his scout uniform once more going on a death mission was a touching detail

his death was absolutely beautiful, he was sure enough of himself to not need "being a hero" as his motivation and his final act of sacrifice made such a difference after all. Beautiful character arc here, I wasn't very bummed out when I first read the chapter but the more I think about it the more I grieve for him.

Honestly the train thing felt like a bit of an ass pull. I know a lot of people like having old characters back but he mostly just felt like a plot device.

I didn't like his latest development.

A bystander who became a traitor

I just didn't like the fact that he was paralleled with Magath. The only thing those two have in common is the fact that they are instructors, and Isayama milked that. Sure Shadis wasn't an angel, but at the very least he wasn't a fascist that was responsible for the Genocide that kick started this story.

I feel bad to Hange and the others didn't know that he was the one who blowing up the train to help them and the fact that he was with Magath.

I grew to like and appreciate Shadis, so this weird train explosion story and immediate suicide pact with Magath felt incredibly underwhelming, to say the least. So, he lived as a bystander and died as one thanks to no one else besides Magath knowing he was there? Cool stuff.

i guess i didnt expect such a death after he let himself get beat up for the sake of others, gonna miss him and maggath, i guess this simbolizes that the warriors and "stop" eren group is officially in charge

I hate how Shadis told the kids to join the Jaegerists for their own sake but then he turns on them.

I was ready for a long time to lose him, but it hurts nonetheless. Keith has always been the one who had a clear mind about his dream, his cause... Much more than Grisha or Eren, even when thinking that he had lost. He was a great icon in the series and he deserved his students' appreciation.

I hate that Isayama is just killing off the old guard like this 😞. Shadis genuinely cared about his students and he will be missed.

I hope he and Sasha share a potato in Heaven.

NOW IT’S THEO MAGATH’S TURN. WHICH MOMENT GAVE YOU THE MOST DOKIS?

Awwwww… Magath’s wish for the warrior kids to have a happy life was the moment that most touched our hearts with just over 50% of the fandom selecting it. His decision to stay behind (18.4%) and the mutual appreciation between him and Shadis (16.4%) round out the top three selections.

I didn’t think he was going to die... it made me sad.

I thought his character would have more to do given his role as the military commander and political "moderate". Also, should have got shot so Shadis had a pressing reason to stay back and defend him while Magath set off the explosion.

RIP Shadis. Magath, you deserved what you got, you nazi bastard

GOVE ,E MMILTIBLR OPYIONS!21!!!!!

ОТЕЦ РОДНОЙ, НА КОГО ТЫ НАС ОСТАВИЛ?!!

ANY ADDITIONAL COMMENTS ON MAGATH’S OVERALL LEGACY IN THE STORY? POSITIVE, NEGATIVE, ANYTHING YOU CAN THINK OF!

I found his character to be very compelling. He has already shown many instances of caring for the Warriors and the cadets during the Liberio Attack, but to see him gradually becoming conscious of that and completely changing his mindset was incredibly satisfying. A character I greatly enjoyed to see overall!

First I didn't like him that much. But this chapter make me like him more and more and then, he died. Thanks for making me suffer isym.

Followed the orders of his country, but couldn't bear the shame of his actions. Committed sudoku as a result. Deserves some respect as a true warrior and a patriot.

He really grew on me despite being such an unlikable character not too long ago, and it's sad to see him go. I'm glad to see the development he got recently.

He really grew on me without ever noticing it. I was actually sad about his death, and left with many questions.

He says he never wanted to do what he did but he had to follow the orders. This doesn't take away his responsibility at all, and it's not even completely true: he actively planned with Willy the latest invasion of Paradis.

He was a good man glad he went out with the Chad

He was a good man in the end: he realised he was in the wrong, swallowed his Marleyan pride and showed a sincere and humble side of him to the alliance. Then he tried to compensate for his previous wrong deeds by sacrificing his life and making himself useful to his allies one last time. I can really appreciate and respect that. And if you look at that panel of Gabi and Pieck looking like the most hurt at that exploded ship, then I think that means they too must've known that he was one of the better Marleyans.

He was a good man placed in a pretty awful situation. He and the kids would have been very happy in another world.

Him and hange are a great ship

He was alright

Dood's journey from literal Nazi racist to self-sacrifcing father of two was actually pretty heartwarming?

He was an imperfect commander in an imperfect world, but he still showed that he was just as human as his warriors.

he was annoying and cool.

I didn't care for him initially, and in ONE FUCKING CHAPTER, becomes a hero. Goddamn, fam.

It was awesome to see how far he came in such a short time and made it, at least for me, from a despicable character to a decent one with a human heart. Loved it how he protected his Warrior kids, how he went and helped Falco and his final wish kind of felt for me as if he was finally, in the last moments of his life, honest with himself and what he actually wanted and wishes for.

I just really wish he had the time to say something of his wishes to the warriors.

I agree with the point that his mutual appreciation with Shadis is very important and beautiful sign of new era in eldian and marlian common history

I always wanted to see interaction between Shadis and Magath. Late is better than never.

I came to love and appreciate his character more than I ever thought.

I can't bring myself to hate him anymore. F for our MAGOAT

I did not like Magath and now I feel guilty about it because of the immediate rapport he had with Shadis.

Imagine thinking Magath is suddenly a good person because he sacrificed himself.

Isayama always tries to humanize his characters. I don't like Magath. He's a guy who stayed in the same path of sacrificing children while insulting them for their filthy blood for years despite questioning it (also the path of genocide). That's his legacy. It took him the apocalypse to actually reconsider. But I like how he died for the kids he cared for, I was hoping for exactly that. It makes "caring" substantial, at least/last.

killed hundreds of thousands of people

Looks like my old step-father, so I wasn't sad to see him go boom boom. lol

Madlad Magath

Magath has been an underrated character and gets too much hate

Magath hugging Gabi is peak Magath.

Great to see how the one person arguably most responsible for early problems in the series such as the wall breaches, was even able to admit his wrongs, atone, and do the right thing along with those he once attacked.

Him realising his errors and apologising was an outstanding character development moment. In the end, he did what he had to. Respects.

His acquired understanding of the Eldian's dilemma felt a little rushed, but nothing too bothersome. I wasn't a fan of him at first and he's still not my favorite, but his meeting with Shadis was still pretty cool to see.

Would have liked to know his backstory.

What are you doing Yeager???

THE ALLIANCE’S JOURNEY IS NOW TAKING A DETOUR AS THEY DECIDE TO TRAVEL BY BOAT TO ODIHA WHERE THEY CAN PREPARE THE PLANE, WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THIS?

Close to 70% of the fandom trusts that this detour to Odiha will be something worthwhile with 33.9% excited to see more of the SnK world and 34.3% thinking there is going to be plot significance. Only 12.5% of us were unhappy with this development.

The boat trip was unexpected. Maybe they'll talk about who they've lost and risk losing (in Liberio), as well as what they're fighting for (is it the world or their families?).

I’m having trouble figuring how fast this Rumbling will be. Will they really have enough time to sail to another country/continent, then fly all the way to another country/continent and still be able to save most of the world?

I don’t like the idea of going to Odihu. I want to hit the main points (Eren’s POV, scars wrapping, Historia’s POV) & be done.

Only few chapters left but the Alliance faces more and more delays?

I want Gabi to headshot DinoEren from Odiha

WHAT WILL BE THE STATE OF LIBERIO BY THE TIME THE ALLIANCE GETS TO IT?

We were reminded again this chapter of the speed at which the titans are travelling and how quickly they could decimate the continent of Marley. When and if the Alliance reach the mainland, more than half of respondents (56.7%) believe Liberio will be in the midst of being destroyed, nearly a third of the fandom (31%) think Liberio will be completely destroyed by the time the Alliance arrives. A tiny (tiny!) group of fandom optimists (7.8%) believe Liberio will be fine.

PANCAKED!

It depends on what Erens plan actually is... I'm holding out hope he's not actually trying to annihilate the world 🤞

It LOOKS like it's completely destroyed, but there are still survivors!

It will be mostly destroyed, but some Eldians will have risen up and escaped

The colossal titans will have trampled everything BUT Liberio. Eren wants to get the mainland Eldians on his side.

We'll see the people from Liberio arriving to Odiha. We saw the rebellion starting there, and I have the feeling they'll be fleeing south.

Eren will do some cool shit but hopefully no genocide I would hate that ending

i dont think rumbling will happen. from a story telling pov it just doesnt make sense

They'll be fine for the sole reason I just can't see Annie's Dad dying before their reunion.

About to be trampled

I find it curious how we don't even get to see a glimpse of the Rumbling happening. Isayama is usually so good at "show, don't tell", yet the last 2 chapters have just been Hange estimating the progress of the Rumbling. I wonder if Isayama has a plan for that?

The alliance won’t arrive Liberio because by the time they arrived Odiha, the Colossal Titans will have already destroyed northern part of Marley and approaching Odiha, the place where the Alliance and Eren will fight.

I'm really not sure. On one hand I can trust Hanji's geographical expertise, on the other hand, where can the final battle take place, other from a symbolic place?

ANNIE WORRIES THE CURRENT PLAN WON’T ALLOW HER TO REACH HER FATHER IN TIME. HOW WILL SHE REACT WHEN SHE LEARNS LIBERIO IS LIKELY DOOMED?

If Annie has to choose between the alliance and her father, the majority believe she’ll choose her dad. When asked how she’ll react if she learns Liberio is doomed, 51.4% believe at some point Annie will abandon the alliance to search for her father, 20.7% believe she will continue to help the alliance and 9.2% feel that her frustrations will boil over and she’ll take out her frustrations on the people she is travelling with.

god at least let Annie reunite with her dad

I’m hoping that Papa Leonhart lasts long enough to see Annie, and that’s all.

ON A SCALE OF ONE TO FIVE, HOW MUCH DID YOU ENJOY SEEING ANNIE TEAM UP WITH REINER, INSTEAD OF BEATING THE GOBSHITE OUT OF HIM?

After years of Reiner suffering abuse at Annie’s hand, she’s finally willing to let the Paradisians take care of the daily whack-a-Reiner session. And the overwhelming majority of you seem to appreciate this character development.

WHAT WAS THE BEST ANNIE AND REINER BATTLE MOMENT?

The teamup of the Armored Titan and the Female Titan was a highlight of this chapter, leading to many great moments, with Reiner protecting Annie as the voted favorite (44.1%). Coming in second was both of them being saved by Connie (26.1%), and the two Titans protecting the Azumabito snagged third place (11.1%).

Loved how Reiner protected Annie.

love how connie looks cool

i legit was afraid that the asian lady was gonna die while reiner and annie protected them, that was well drawn/written

IF PARALLELS BETWEEN FLOCH AND ERWIN EXIST, WHAT IS THE MESSAGE THEY ARE TRYING TO CONVEY?

Many in the fandom have pointed out potential similarities between the characters of Floch and Erwin, but whether they are valid similarities and what exactly is the textual purpose of them is hotly debated. The majority of respondents believe that one way or another, the parallels cast doubt on any similarities between the two, with almost half (44.6%) pointing to Floch’s bastardisation of Erwin and 23.7% believing that he is trying to imitate the former commander, but that there is no message behind it. A quarter of respondents (25%) believe that the parallels are indeed drawing similarities between the two characters, and 6.7% of you aren’t too convinced the parallels even exist.

Erwin seriously impacted floch but thats about it I dont think he is conciously stealing he is just using the words that made him march to hell and back.

Erwin was way more than "sasageyo" line and his lost army the comparison between him and Flock is lame.

Floch and Erwin are complete opposites are we even reading the same manga??

Erwin was fighting for HUMANITY. Floch has information that Erwin never knew and is fighting for the renewal of the Eldian Empire. I don't think it is reasonable to compare them in parallel based on this logic.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT FALCO’S JAW TITAN?

Falco’s Titan makes its debut! It sure is something to behold – I guess Falco’s always wanted to fly. Wonder if he can now? The popular opinion at 46.6% is that he’s a weird looking guy but that we’ll probably grow to love his design. 33.6% already love it! 16.2% of you don’t know what the hell this thing is supposed to be right now, and a few of you were just scared. That must mean it’s doing its job! Little Falco may have lost control but his transformation helped turn the tide of battle, now that’s a real feather in his cap.

Love Falco’s Titan

We finally have Xenomorphs in AOT

Falco's titan is weird but unique.

Titan Falco’s mouth has a mouth. Wtf

his titans face made me annoyed. and the fur too.

Wait, did Falco just shift into a rooster? Just kidding, I love it. It's the only saving grace in this chapter. I hope it has a deeper meaning, too, other than just looking cool and being an element of surprise.

Unpopular opinion but Falcos jaws is overdesigned

Falco’s Jaw Titan, can’t wait for it to be animated

XENOMORPH TITAN

FALCO'S TITAN IS BEASTLY, HAS TALONS, FUR, A BEAK, AND JUST OVERALL LOOKS DRAMATICALLY DIFFERENT AND PERHAPS EVEN LARGER THAN THE OTHER 4 JAW TITANS WE HAVE SEEN. WHY DO YOU THINK THIS IS?

This titan has more forms than a Dragon Ball character. The Galliard brothers' forms were incredibly similar and the others weren’t far off base. But Falco’s looks to be on a whole new level, why could this be? The most popular view is that Isayama’s just flexing his creative muscles, and about a third of respondents think it’s Falco’s animal characteristics coming out.

He likes birds

A bit of Zeke’s spinal fluid and Yams being punny.

All of the above, and also because we've been hinted about a flying titan, which is obviously going to be this bird.

Falco always wanted to fly away like a bird

I think it’s because of Zeke but I’m also wondering if Jaw titans are more beastial than other titans in general

He say bird be free and now he bird uwu

does Zeke even know that Falco is the Jaw Titan?

Falco name, but also a Berserk reference

It matches Falcos true bird-like character and fighting for freedom

Funny how it was speculated Falco getting the Beast Titan and turning into an eagle titan, and now his Jaw Titan looks like a Birdman.

PATHS has subconsciously made falco's fursona a reality.

THE JAW TITAN NOW HAS 5 TOTAL DESIGNS, MORE THAN ANY OTHER TITAN. WHICH ONE IS YOUR FAVORITE?

Hopping across the battlefield and from Shifter to Shifter, the Jaw Titan has come in the most forms out of all of the Nine Titans, but which one is the most popular? To probably no one’s surprise, Porco’s glorious lion-like form which made its debut in one of the most majestic Titan panels known to man took the top spot (69.5%). The hype of the recent chapter was enough to propel Falco’s bird-like form into second place (15.2%), with the presumably original Jaw Titan revealed in Ymir’s backstory coming in third (7.6%), narrowly followed by the OG (but technically not the actual OG) Ymir’s Jaw, and finally with the winner’s older brother coming in last (1.2%). Cheer up Marcel, you’ll probably get another flashback for your death soon.

The Jaw titan was one of my favourite designs but it's only now I'm realising it's definitely Porco's Jaw that was what I liked. Falco's might grow on me yet.

Why do Jaw titans have inner teeth the way they are? Shouldn't their purpose be the outer jaw/jaw muscles to crush?

I thought Falco's jaw titan was really badass and cool

All the Jaw Titans are actually great but I *had* to choose my girl Ymir's titan. Terrifying yet cuddly, and a lesbian disaster to boot. We stan <3

WHO DO WE NEED TO START TAKING GUNS AWAY FROM?

This year’s chapters have caused many to realise that Gabi and Floch are two characters who just won’t stop shooting people, whether they be titans, prisoners, engineers or flying bird nests, so we decided to put the two head to head, once and for all deciding whose gun is getting confiscated. While it was close, the majority have decided that Floch is the one who needs his favorite toy taken away (58.6%) and not Gabi (41.4%).

Floch, I hate you >:( you are a bad person

Fuck Gabi, Floch is amazing.

Floch's failures make me laugh.

ARE YOU HAPPY IT WAS GABI WHO GOT THE SHOT AT FLOCH?

This was one of our closer results this month but since it was a Gabi-centric question that is unsurprising. While previous polls have indicated hopes that Jean would be the one to take down Floch, it was Gabi this chapter who landed the first shot and the majority of respondents (30.8%) were delighted with that. The next largest percentage (27.7%) didn’t care who the shooter was, they just want Floch dead. The third most popular choice (23.1%) expressed disappointment that it wasn’t Jean. On the other end of the spectrum, 10.8% wish for Floch to live forever and 7.5% wanted it to be anyone besides Gabi.

Can't believe Gabi did it again. Shot a Yeager and now the main Yeagerist, lol.

I wanted Jean to kill off Floch forreal, but I am happy with what we've got.

Gabi baby i'm so proud i never hated u lmao.

I'm sad for a bit because I expected huge hairbowl chapter. Hope it will be in the next chapter, Jean vs Floch dialogues are always interesting.

Floch deserved something worse than having the hope of saving the day stripped from him before getting shot by Gabi. I'm not mad that Gabi got the honour to shoot Floch, but I wanted it to be someone more satisfying.

Too many MVPs this chapter, but ultimately Gabs got my vote caused I cheered when I saw it was her who shot fucking Floch. Go Gabi!

AFTER GETTING SHOT BY GABI, WHAT’S NEXT FOR FLOCH?

It’s been a popular view for a while now that Floch will die soon, and in this chapter he gave his final stand at the harbor. Only 8.2% think it actually resulted in his death, with the most popular view being that he swam to the boat and clung on to cause even more mischief. A final final stand, if you will.

Floch is on/in the plane right now. He will ambush them soon.

I wish floch is confirmed dead

Floch should live

Floch will have a role in the coming chapters

Floch seemed really pathetic this chapter, but next chapter I feel he's going to kill at least one person, maybe a few, so that's scary.

It’s kind of dumb that we are conditioned to expect that Floch is still alive

I don't see the point of Floch killing someone next chapter when it could've been done in this one (with more weight to the battle) so I have no idea what's his role now.

I expect Floch to stay on the island and die there, with the Yeagerist movement coming to an end. Shadis left some of his students these wise words of when to fight back, and the time is nigh.

If Floch is still alive and he's on the alliance ship, then someone (who isn't a Titan shifter or an Ackerman) is going to die in the next chapter.

THIS CHAPTER GAVE US ANOTHER ICONIC PANEL, THIS TIME HIGHLIGHTING THE NECESSITY TO HELP EACH OTHER OUT. WHICH DYNAMIC FROM THIS PANEL IS YOUR FAVORITE?

Former friends as well as foes helping each other stumble off the battlefield makes for a great and emotional panel. Just over half of you were most happy with Mikasa and Annie front and center (52.2%) after being famous rivals. Reiner’s bros helping him was also very popular (31.2%).

MIKAANI RIGHTS!!1!11!1! - hajime isayama, 2020

mikasa helping annie was cool because they have like the biggest rivalry against each other so it's cool to see them help each other

I loved seeing all the characters backing each other up.

I'm not sure why the poll makers are pointing the group panel as something positive. Don't you know these people tried to kill each other just last week in their world?

WHAT DID YOU THINK OF MAGATH AND SHADIS’ SACRIFICIAL SUICIDE PACT?

Let’s pour one out for CHADIS and MAGOAT, may they rest in PATHS. The duo’s sacrifice came out of nowhere but didn’t hurt any less, and 53.9% of you thought it was a fitting conclusion for both. 14.6% were just happy that they got to meet at all, fleeting as it was. 9.6% thought it was a great ending for Magath but were despondent over Shadis’ fate, and 9.2% vice versa. 8.6% thought the sudden loss of both was completely unnecessary. In any case, the star-crossed bromance was too explosive to last – may they continue to yell at Jaegers from the great beyond.

*ugly cries for Shadis and Magath*

I’m happy they were able to meet and I like the dynamic and parallels between them. They met a sad end but just like Porco they got to go out on their own terms. They’ll be greatly missed and appreciated.

Loved how both he and Shadis went out in a blaze of glory while reflecting on how proud they were of their students. Especially Magath realizing he wished for them to live normal lives.

That was a curveball I didn't expect at all and I was in denial when I read it and a few minutes afterwards. I was so hoping both of them would get to continue helping their protegees out with experience and all that. But I'm glad they got to meet. It felt like both of them needed that.

I would have preferred them to blow up the ship without them in it and then deciding to have a Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid kind of ending, but utlimately, it works. They were dead either way, sinking that ship was gonna take more than a few thunder spears, they needed to ensure the Yeagerists couldn't catch up, and so, it works.

if either of them were injured and needed help to set up the explosion/defend the one setting it up, this would make a better sacrifice for both.

Shagath would've brought world peace. That's why they had to go

I understand the sacrifice and that maybe no one else had the guts to do the same, but Magath is such a capable leader and it feels like he perhaps wasted himself at the end there a little?

Both characters went out in a blaze of glory, Shadis helped derail the reinforcements and Magath was able to get Falco to safety before he did too much damage. Shadis saw this as a way to repay the debt of all those he lost while he was commander of the survey corp and Magath saw this as his way of sacrifice for what he has done to every Warrior.

It was satisfying to see Shadis do this, but I think Magath's change of heart happened too quickly for it to be satisfying for him

It wasn't a great ending and Chadis didn't have to die there

It wasn't necessary but not a bad ending for them.

It's Beyond the Wall from Game of Thrones again. Let's have a character absent for some time jump in, save the alliance by blowing up a train and die immediately. I hated that episode and I have mixed feelings about noone getting shot and having Shadis sacrificing himself.

It's certainly a meaningful way to die, but I regret all old characters are dying. If none of them will remain then who will lend their experience to new generations? IDK what is the message here, but surely resolutions for old characters are way more satisfying than for 104th and some other newer members of the cast (with exception of the children, they're handled the best).

It’s a good and sad conclusion for both, but I feel like we still need Magath cause he is the only Marlayan that is working with Eldians

It’s an ending on par with Erwin’s. They sacrificed themselves so the next generation can live to give their lives meaning, and to repay for the mountain of bodies they left behind. I hope the Kings shall meet in the afterlife

Kinda cheesy imo and also kind of rushing the end for shadis I feel

Like I said above, the sacrifice was rushed. It's a potentially great sendoff for both characters which is lessened by the breakneck pace the series is going.

sorry but it was really cheese, i hated the fact that shadis told the reclutes to join the jaegaergist but then he killed them on train

Not that fitting for Shadis but Isayama is definitely aiming for all the leaders alive here

Magath is probably one of the only people who could have been able to bring some sort of cooperation between Eldia and Marley, but I was satisfied with his sacrifice and how they met, its like they both gave closure to each others arcane

I like Shadis and didn’t care for Magarth yet I was still wondering why. I get it’s a shounen-esque story but even in Naruto the older generations played a role. Here they’re only good for sacrificing themselves (Pieck could have done it and survived the explosion)

I haven't finished a chapter in SnK in a long while that made me FEEL as much as this one did. And it's all thanks to the duo of Magath and Shadis. Honestly even though I can say I was never the biggest Magath fan, he really started to grow on me in the past 3 chapters. I never thought I would actually feel the burden of his sacrifice in my chest. He has my respect. I'll really miss him.

Keith and Magath are feasting together in Valhalla now.

NOW THAT MAGATH IS GONE, MANY HAVE POINTED OUT THIS MAY LIMIT THE HOPE OF PARADIS HAVING DIPLOMATIC RELATIONS WITH THE WORLD. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THIS?

Magath’s death wasn’t just emotional, but could have a big impact on the ending. Respondents were pretty split on this question, but the most popular view was that Paradis will still pull through and find a path to peace. The next most popular view at about 30% is that Paradis never had a chance even with Magath. 18.5% think Paradis’ hopes for peace did indeed blow up along with Magath.

Fuck who is gonna vouch for the PARÁDISIans now?1

Would’ve liked to see him survive to become a Paradis advocate

Magath was the most important person in Marley and the only person who could help to make some kind of peace between Paradis and the world. And now he just... decided to commit sacrifical suicide? C'mon!!! He was too important. Now I don't keep big hopes for peaceful ending anymore.

Who tf is going to reason with Marley nowthat Magath is gone. Paradis is even more fucked, not that they had any chance of having diplomatic relations with the world before....

I say that without Magath diplomacy is doomed, but they will probably use the Kiyomi card and Onyonkopon card along with the "humans for the rights of eldians showed some ch ago" card

With him dead, it seems that Paradis doesn't have anyone with sufficient standing throughout the rest of the world to prevent them from wiping out Paradis for sufficient time

He screwed up, he needed to stay alive to spare Paradis if the Alliance won, the honorary marleyns can't do that.

MOST INSPIRING QUOTE?

It wouldn’t be shounen without inspiring quotes, and we don’t have a shortage of them this chapter! A strong majority of you, clocking in at 42.6%, thought General Magath’s line about wishing “those kids could’ve lived a normal life” was most inspiring. Almost exactly tied (though the percentages might be deceiving, red has one less vote than blue), are Floch’s line about the fate of Paradis if Eren is stopped, and the Jean/Mikasa duo-quote about hesitation. Trailing a few points behind is Shadis’ “I’m proud of you” moment, and in last place was Floch’s “Eldia will be saved by me!”.

DO YOU THINK CERTAIN CHARACTERS HAD TOO MUCH PLOT ARMOR THIS CHAPTER?

With a big battle going on, did the appropriate amount of characters survive? The vast majority (46%) don’t care about numbers alive as long as the battle is well written. 22% believe the alliance does have too much plot armor, and 15.3% retort with the idea that everyone has plot armor. About 10% think Floch should have died by now and has taken all the plot armor. 7% don’t think anyone has plot armor, it’s a cruel cruel world indeed.

Feel like most of the plot armour people are feeling about this chapter is simply because none of the soldiers are taught how to wield the gun 3DM gear.

Too much unnecessary plot armor for the alliance .

The plot armor was beyond stupid with the Yeagerists turning into Stormtroopers

the plot armor is to thicc in this chapter,at least some of Kiyomi's men should have died.

DESCRIBE THIS CHAPTER IN 1 WORD.

Here are the top 5 descriptions of the chapter chosen by you, the fandom. You can find the average score for the groups between brackets. The average score for the chapter this month was 4.21 for comparison.

Amazing [4.84]

Great [4.62]

Awesome [4.67]

Epic [4.81]

Intense (shared 4th place) [4.5]

Honorable mention: Chadis

Also shout-out to the folks who were compiling a recipe. Seems to be lacking some carbs though. What cookbook were you guys reading this month?

BEANS

Paprika

goat

Nutty

Yummy

ISAYAMA RECENTLY SAID IN AN INTERVIEW THAT THERE IS ONLY 5% OF THE STORY TO GO. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS?

We’ve known for a while that we’re in the final arc, but now we have confirmation we’re really reallyyyyyyy close to the end. About 42% of readers expected it to end right about then anyways, while 28.8% think it’ll end up going longer, as Isayama’s extended past his percentages in the past. 19.4% are worried how the story will be wrapped up in that time.

A little worried, but I trust in Isayama.

AAAAAAAAAAAAH

AOT has been in my life since 2013 and is pretty much the last bit of my childhood still going. Of course I'm sad it's ending, but I'd rather it end than go on forever like the walking dead and so on.

As long as the ending is written well it doesn’t matter to me

Since I'm extremely new to SnK, I can't say anything about Isayama's writing habits and all that, but speaking as a fellow writer, I could see that he might underestimate the story that's left, though not by much. I'm also kind of worried that it might be a bit too soon but then again, SnK always has long chapters, so it might work out just fine.

The truth is sad to know that it is over, since I took a lot of love, but I know that the end will be amazing

I just want him to stick the landing, the amount of chapters left is not important.

I need Isayama to make more chapters so we can keep getting Podcast episodes of You Hear Big Girls

I can't believe how close we are to the end. I just know it's gonna get crazier from here on.

I expected this, but the closer we get the more clear it is that he needs to take more time to properly resolve arcs than he seems to want to.

I feel like we're gonna get a rushed ending and loose ends either ignored or tied up as throwaways

I feel that the story is going to end in an abrupt yet succinct way.

I have faith in Isayama no matter what he plans to do with the story.

But WHERE does Historia fit into that 5%

honestly a little more than expected

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ONCE SNK ENDS HELP ME

WHAT ARE YOU MOST HOPING TO SEE NEXT CHAPTER?

Absolutely dominating this question is the desire to see Eren’s POV (as usual), with 40.9% of the vote. Trailing quite behind at just under 16% is Historia, then.. uh. death and destruction, apparently. After that it gets pretty close, with Floch’s last stand trailing less than half a percentage point behind Zeke (who trails behind death and destruction). After Floch’s last stand, we have the desire to see an epic, carefree adventure on the ocean, followed lastly by Hizuru’s base.

Somethings up. We still haven't seen Eren's point of view, and there's dedinately a reason for it.

Nice! Now give me family bonding on the ship plz Isayama

Next chapters gonna be pretty cool imo, but the community will call it another "aLlIaNcE fIlLeR cHaPtEr"

Eren Eren Eren Eren Eren Eren Eren Eren Eren Eren

Enjoyed seeing Floch finally getting hurt, his luck needed to end. I'm sure he's alive and in the ship, and I'm totally sure he'll take away someone's life in the next chapter. But please, Yams... Floch must die.

HISTORIA AND EREN POV

HISTORIA WHEN

I'm pretty sure the next chapter will take place on the ship, so I expect some good dialogue

I hope the boat setting will give enough time to address the untouched issues Isayama has been evading with those two groups interacting, mainly Levi and Annie. Or the Warriors acknowledging the massive sacrifices the Paradisean side is doing and stick up for them in a situation where they are successful.

when are we going to see História? She has been pregnant for too long.

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES?

Reddit once again T-poses on all the rest of the platforms, coming in at just over 40% of the responses. Twitter follows it with 16.5%, and is in turn followed by people who don’t discuss the series at all. Behind that is Discord with 10.3%, and Tumblr with 8.4%. It’s astonishing to me how much the demographics of this poll have changed. Tumblr used to compete with Reddit, and now it’s so low on the list that it’s the last one with a section big enough for Google Forms to include the percentage number on it. The responses with no visible percentages are, in this order: Real Life (90 votes), Instagram (28), Facebook (19), Youtube (16), 4chan (9), the Wiki (3), Snapchat (3), and Steam (2).

Snapchat had 3 people. That’s 0.2% of the vote. That’s one more than Steam and tied with the Wiki. I’m in perpetual disbelief that it gets any votes at all, and I remain convinced that it’s some sort of conspiracy of people who forgo discussing the series on any of the major platforms just to discuss it on snapchat with each other, specifically so they can screw with me when it comes time to write the poll blurbs. Or they’re just lying… much to think about……..

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE CHAPTER?

I just loved that the old 104th group despite what happened between them, how the people, the world, the history tore them apart is fighting together once again and protect each other like a big family

Calling it now, Zeke got vaporised in Eren's transformation.Still mad years later that freckle Ymir died the way she did and I choose to be mad because I was born into this world.

While it was an intense chapter that was exciting and sad I think it’ll move the story to the next stage in a really good way.

While the last few chapters were still really good, this one brought back the same unbridled hype I had when reading 116-123. We may debate cringevengers vs yeagerists, but I think we can all agree that this manga is still a fucking masterpiece.

Why does Isayama always crush all the good feelings you have during a chapter at the very end? The panel with all of them supporting each other was so powerful and heartwarming, not to mention seeing them all fighting together before and trying to reach the ship, and then Isayama just goes and kills Shadis and Magath. Freaking curveball at the end. RIP

I love gabi, BEST GIRL!!!

I love the alliance chapters and I'm not sorry at all!

Isayama as usual

Isayama, please, let Hange and Armin do something important before the ending, or their deaths

Isn’t 126 shit Tier writing but aren’t great either.Feels forced.

It felt a bit messy/clumsy at my first read, but at every reread it felt better, and I think the messy feel (compared to the smooth RtS arc) was deliberate.

Karl Fritz chapter soon

What a goddam pleasure to see yeagerists getting shot down, and what an extreme joy to see Floch's fans being overwhelmed by common sense from other fans

Where is Eren? We want Eren!

This was a good chapter. I really enjoyed it

Nearly all alliance members increased their kill count, except Levi, Yelena and Onyankopon. Gabi just shot Floch but we all know he isn't dead. They all sliced, decapitated, dismembered, crushed, shot people they once called comrades for some vague goal that might be completely meaningless, since, no one discussed any terms once Eren is stopped. And with Magath dead, they never will.

Kinda sad on how Armin's characters has been treated so far. Served as stair to Connie twice and now Isayama put him to sleep in the middle of the fight without any contribution at all... I'm a Armin stan and i'm bothered. Hope he gets some real shit soon.

After the Alliance noping out of Paradis, I wonder when they will return their homeland, and I think Floch is alive, but instead of sneaking onto the ship he will gather the Yeagerists to strengthen his control on Paradis, crowning himself as the King of New Eldian Empire. And more civil wars are on the way so stay tuned…

more mikasa pweeze

My old man once said "Alan Moore can't do endings," and I'm getting that vibe here, too--with everything that's come before, is there even a way to bring this story to a close that isn't too drawn out with answers to questions that didn't need asking, or a sudden cluttered mess wrapping as many subplots as it can in only two or three chapters at the expense of quality and feeling?

Need more shirtless Reiner

No matter what others may say, that was a great chapter. I loved the battle between the alliance and jeagerists. Few years ago, during the battle in Shiganshina they probably didn't even think about figting on one side with Reiner and Annie. I remember how they were trying to kill him and look where they are now. However, I get a feeling that after Magath's death there will be no hope for peace between Paradis and the rest of the world. I get a feeling that we may get full rumbling after all =/

no, its G O A T E D

Not a fan of the recent chapters. Feel like the story is telling me to root for the alliance, but I don't care about their goal and I'm with Eren 100%. I wish there were more characters in support of Eren and the rumbling. Floch and the yaegerists are great, but it's annoying that they are being painted as the evil bad-guys when their goals are noble. It's sad to see the main characters who've fought for their friends, families, and homes the entire series just completely disregard all of that and become willing to sacrifice it all for the rest of the world who hate them and want them dead.

Off topic: reiner is a snacc

One more month of no one having a solution to the actual problem other than agreeing that it’s a problem :/

The Survey Corps proved, once again, that they are not to be underestimated. They work seamlessly together and they respect one another.

The wait is torturous, but there's really no better way to be moving things along right now.

Theo Magath deserves a golden star for being amazing man till the end.

Why didn't the Yeagerists just Thunderspear the plane?

I’m sure I’m in the minority but the Titan fights are my least favorite parts of the story. So this chapter being largely comprised of them made it kind of meh to me. I feel like the plot is simultaneously going too fast and not fast enough. Chapters like this one make me very worried about how this will all end

floche: NNNOOO DON'T STEAL THE BOAT YOU'RE GONNA RUIN EVERYTHING HHHH

gabi: hehehe floche go boom

Hange's group are a bunch of hypocrites and traitors , hopefully they all die in the most grossume ways by Eren's hands .

I love Floch and the Yeagerists , they fought to the last breath for Eren , their home and people .

Keith is an idiot and died like an idiot .

I'm happy that Magath finally died hopefully the rest of the alliance are next .

i can't understand people defending Floch. You're siding with yeagerists ? Okay, but take Samuel, Daz or Louise as exemple, everyone except Floch. Floch was written to show the drift of patriotism. That is his goddam meaning. That what Isayama has been writing since Floch's reappearance. The same way Hanji embodies Survey Corps' values or Jean embodies the necessity to do the right thing. That are the writing purpose. Please, respect Isayama's work.

I love Attack on titan ❤️

I luv Floch

I MISS HISTORIA

I need Ackermans

Loved it, I'm enjoying all the time were getting with the alliance but I'm anxious to see what's going on with Zeke, Eren, & Historia.

overall pretty great! Gabi really needs to have her aimbot checked though :/

YAMS I’M STILL WAITING FOR PIECK TO ACKNOWLEDGE PORCO’S DEATH IN SOME WAY.

Where the fuck is Armin in that shot of everyone?

Floch is a great leader and the Jaegerists are not in the wrong.

I like koalas

you know my thoughts

Where's Eren

Where's Levi?

Wheres boriiiiis

i dont have any hope anymore i cant imagine them dead its too much for me damn u isayama

I genuinely loved it. I can't wait to see how it all ends.

I personally didn’t like it since it was the 6th alliance POV chapter in a row, and possibly the next two chapters will also be an alliance POV. I’m tired of the alliance and I don’t support their cause, so it’s kind of boring to read another alliance chapter after 6 months of alliance POVs.

I hate everything, why did Isayama had to take Magath away

I really liked that Isayama was still consistent with shifters not being able to control their titan the first couple times.

I really thought Armin was gonna help fight during the battle with his messed up zombie jaw, but instead he just kind of passed out and disappeared for most of the chapter. We're heading towards the end of the manga and I need to see more Armin scenes, I'm really rooting for him to be a key figure in talking to Eren/the general ending as a whole but as of now he's still just kind of useless.

I feel like that this chapter is foreshadowing the titan war. Remember in chapter 100 when the guy ( I can’t remember his name) said if Eren starts the rumbling, he will cause the titan war to start again. That might explain why Falco randomly attacked Pieck.

I remember Pixis telling Eren how he thinks about a story between mankind coming together against a powerful enemy, and Eren said it was rather optimist thinking that he doesn’t believe would truly work. He also mentions that they are hardly working together because difference in morals are to strong, they are not truly fighting together. But in the instance where Magath and Shadis were able to put aside their differences just so that their students may have a better future, shows that humanity can still exist, but unfortunately mainly when brought upon an unavoidable death which leads me to believe what will become of the alliance if they are forced into this position.

I hate the alliance so fuck it

I have no idea how this is gonna end.

I hope floch stays dead hes such a menace

I hope there’s a nice discussion next chapter

I hope this shit is over and we can have a better written material

Thought there was a bit too much plot armor ... especially with Gabi saving the day endlessly

I really hope we get back to focusing on multiple story lines in a single chapter, instead of following a single group. I wish we saw Shadis on his way to derail the train. I hope we get to see a group of Yeagerists in Shiganshina finding Zeke. Just give us a shot of the farm Historia is at. I'm really starting to miss the other story lines.

Ch130 Bert talk let's GOOOOOOOOO

Consistently good quality as expected from Isayama. I have faith he will continue releasing kino and stick the landing with the ending.

Cool, portrays the desperation of both the alliance and the Yeagerists

Could be better

Does the gang even KNOW that Shadis went boom along with Magath!?

I just hope Isayama gives Levi a death befitting a hero like he did with Shadis. I get AoT is not Levi’s story anymore but seeing him not being able to do anything really hurts. Even his own soldiers (besides the alliance) don’t respect him anymore, he doesn’t have anywhere to come back to. He probably won’t be able to kill Zeke (he never gets what he wants) but please let him die knowing he gave meaning to his comrades’ lives.

I wish Mikasa would be able to hate Eren at last. Still not happening 🤔

i wish we could have seen armin more— just my personal preference. i adore the man.

I wish we had the warriors' thoughts on Bertholdt but it wasn't the right moment at all. Maybe next chapter? I'd like them to mourn their comrade and friend. Hell annie and reiner spent lot of time with him reiner even had nightmares about him being removed from his titan. It feels so unsatisfying and frustrating. So great great chapter but please give a break to the warriors.

Great chapter. I was scared for our girl Pieck tho but glad to see her in action.

I wonder how Eren will react finding out how many have died in his name or against his cause. Shadis, Daz, so many Survey Corps peeps...

Good, but can we please get moving this plot along to eren/historia/zeke?

Goodbye, Shadis McChadis. You deserved a 200/10 exit, but you got a 7/10 instead. X'(

I don't care aobut anything else just show me eren

I don't care who you are just don't touch the Meme Queen! Goddamn Falco almost killed her.

I don't know

Levi being tied on Pieck and carried like a baby made me laugh so much

Glad that we're done with the port battle now

Levi is smol

Levi most likely left the alliance.

Levi so small

Levi still exists

Levi was cute

Leviiiiiiiiii

WELL SWEET MOTHER TERESA ON THE HOOD OF A MERCEDES-BENZ! YOU LOOK LIKE A BALD FUCKIN' EAGLE!

things make sense. The story is building as it goes, and Yams can’t go back an change it around. Eren POV is coming

Pieck didn't even try to stop Falco other than "noo don't go you're so young ahah" and that was pathetic. Having him die there would have been extremely effective and it would have been a great way to address the "random child inheritance" situation previously described

Please let the bastard really be dead.

PogChamp

Poor Annie. Dat powercreep.

Press F for Chadis

quite happy that floch seemingly survived, his speech kinda made me sympathetic towards him, shadis and magath were brilliant..rip

Really well drawn and very powerful ending.

So now everyone has left Paradis... do we have any other characters that can group up with Historia apart from Nicolo and the Brauses?

So sad the Bertalk has to be delayed but at least there's no option now. If the whole traitor parallel happens right after Jean finally gets to vent over Marco and they dont mention him once then... shit writing, everything is a coincidence and nothing is a parallel in this manga. Let Reiner be angry 2k20

Some good moments, sure, but PLEASE for the love of god can we cut to the chase now???

FLOCH GOAT. FUCK TRAITORS. SOMEONE BETTER GET FLOCH'S GLOCK.

Stop using our Eternal Commander Erwin for your fascist shit, Floch

Someone probably says that the chapter was rushed. However, I think Isayama has his plan, and he will put those flashbacks which you guys need soon, so don't worry about that :) I also want to know what happened to Historia and her baby while the league of SC and the Warriors was fighting in Marley. She plays an important role in the whole SnK plot, and before someone fortet her, we need our queen to come back.

Still cant take the alliance serious. They all acting out of character. Just hoping they will betray each other and the scouts will be on Erens side. Dont get why the alliance want to save people outside and for that Goal they slaughtering all their own people. That is also wrong like the genocid. It does not Matter, because killing is killing

Strong ending but I prefer dialogues over action. Also we saw nothing of Levi, he's being dragged around until he can meet up with Zeke, really convienient...

Surprisingly good

Every chapter that goes by without presenting a twist to this endgame makes me more and more anxious.

Annie looks very shocked to see people supporting her. Gabi can’t stop getting traumatised

ANY CHAPTER WHERE FLOCK GETS FUCKED IS A GOOD CHAPTER

armin suffered too much

I started to dislike AMJC. I understood why they opposed Eren (despite not thinking it through) but now they’re killing their own people to protect their “comrades” (who will cause trouble later because they want to kill Eren but Armin and Mikasa don’t). This for a small chance of maybe stopping Eren. If this had happened before he started his path of destruction I think I could understand, but now there’s no going back. Eren sealed the SoY’s fates in the eyes of the world. Hange and co had to realize the SoY would now be exterminated instead of enslaved because of the horror Eren unleashed, showing the world what just one SoY was capable of

I don't really have negative thoughts on the chapter other than Gabi shooting Floch, but if he survives then i'm fine. I just think the chapter was somewhat uninspired, the scenes between Magath and Shadis didn't hit the emotions they were supposed to with me.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THE VOLUME ON THIS BUS IS ASTRONOMICAL

The dynamic between the Yaegerists and Alliance forces was really interesting and depressing to see. Floch's speech humanized them and they proved to be really dangerous by decimating Reiner and Annie.

The chapter was great, a lot of action, a lot of close calls. I really thought a lot of the characters like Annie, Reiner and Pieck were in trouble. I at least thought Pieck was going to die since she was in the jaws of Falco but she's fine so that's good. I wish Shadis didn't die so soon, but I guess Isayama is trying hard to wrap up loose ends before the end so I understand.

i dont want a sad ending.

was a nice chapter, it feels even better because it came after the extra long waiting time

I still don't like that AMCJ betrayed Paradis. All of their fights before with the Warriors were in vain and meaningless like this. Is this why so many of the SC died? Erwin and Bertholdt too. I don't hate them, but can't understand. Also, RIP the Yeagerists, it was a brutal massacre. F Chadis and Chadgath.

I still don’t see how they stop the rumbling so it’s likely they don’t do it but eren chooses to, talking could be underwhelming but if it’s future eren knowing this could lead to something that we don’t know yet and is the horrible thing grisha mentioned the rumbling or worse?

I think in this chapter alliance crossed the line and now they full of determination to end their job

I think it lacked armin or he was too deficient at the time.

Teenage go brrr and alliance has plot armor but thats expected they have roles to play like getting killed by eren

Thanks for the shout-out for our 'cockroach' fill-in last chap, it made our week!

The Alliance feels increasingly supported by the script.

The alliance needs to be dealt a blow or have some internal conflict other cab playground insults around stew.

The battle between the alliance and Floch & the Yeagerists is totally unfair .

The alliance had 4 titan shifters , 1 Ackerman , 3 skilled soldier and 1 skilled warrior in the battlefield .

Floch & The Yeagerists are not skilled soldiers but they proved their bravery and fought for Eren , their people and home to the last second .

This chapater was just a set up for what's to come so judging it harshly would be unfair

this chapter was emotional on all levels and we had some information about the rumbling. The alliance worked very well and Keith was a hero. He was a hero in the shadows and I am happy that he was able to meet Magath because it allowed us as readers to see these two commanders from a different angle. Keith and Magath had a lot in common and could have been friends under other circumstances. Their sacrifice was an excellent end to this penultimate battle. Now is the time for the last final battle!

#snk polls #snk poll #snk poll results #snk 129 #snk chapter 129

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mimiplaysgames · 4 years

Text

A Powerful Enough Dream (Ch. 5)

Pairing: Terra/Aqua (eventually) Rating: T Word Count: 7,179

Summary: Aqua has to move. She has to find Ven, she has to leave friends behind, she has to rescue Terra... and most importantly, she needs answers when it comes to Xemnas. There’s a lot of disappointments to come.

Read on AO3

~*~*~*~*~*~

Game I

Even though she's slowly improving, Aqua can't help but feel that the hours are unkinder than usual.

She avoids being alone with Lea - not because of him, but because of anything else he knows. Minutes tick by before she realizes she's obsessing about the things he has said last night, only to obsess more.

Sometimes, she forgets where she is until she runs into something or gets smacked - quite literally this time, with a strong aroma and a flaky texture, like pollen.

"Look," Sora commands, his eyes hidden behind a pot of bright red daisies as he shoves them into Aqua's face. "Look how nice they are!"

He says that about every new delivery of red daisies, as though each time he's just as surprised and grateful.

The dining room in this great bright morning is absolutely filled with flowers. Sora can't even catch smell his gifts, his symptoms completely stuffing his nose to oblivion (his words, not Aqua's).

Tables near Riku are adorned with bushes of lilacs, and a pile of Thank You cards keep growing. Aqua has taken to reading them for him because the poison still gives him headaches.

Aqua receives gifts as well: blue star-shaped bellflowers that blanket the tabletops behind her like a textured ocean.

Only one table is free from floral invasion - the one the three of them are using, each with thick blankets wrapped around their shoulders, and personal mugs full of steaming tea.

Word is a parade is being organized for later that night, to celebrate the end of Kefka's reign. It's rushed, planned with marching bands and dancers and confetti but not much else. Rumor has it Noctis and Garnet are expected to walk the parade, but Aqua can't imagine that either of them would want that kind of attention.

Organizers have asked the Keyblade wielders to walk, but Donald apparently has denied the request on their behalf - they're still too sick.

A hotel employee, dressed very casually because no one is in the mood to take life seriously for the time being, brings yet another pot of flowers.

These are orange lilies, their shade growing darker at the tips. Sora takes the card dug into the pot and reads: "For Terra. From Noctis, Garnet, and Rydia."

He smiles, and drags the pot towards Aqua. "This will go with your stack." If there's a particular reason why Sora assumes they should go to Aqua, she pretends not to notice.

It's a beautiful gesture. Really, it is. A little piece of Terra, his intentions and his service earthed neatly into a pot that she can keep in memory. It makes her wonder for a slight second if he has a shirt around here that she can wear to sleep, but there's no one she would ever dare ask for it.

"Do you like them?" Sora asks, an impish grin on his face. He's teasing her. It's something Ven would do.

"Why are you asking?"

He sniggers. "They'd look much better with the blue flowers anyway. What's it called," Sora mutters, his chin in his hand. "Complementary colors?"

"Don't mind him," Riku says.

Sora backhands Riku's shoulder. "Yes, do mind me."

"He means well though."

"I mean well." Sora nods too quickly, and it makes him grab his head in pain.

"They're beautiful," Aqua says, bringing the pot closer instead of placing them by the rest of her flowers. It's not the same as hugging Terra, but it will have to do.

If Terra was here, he'd know what to say about Xemnas. He'd tell her that some people simply just don't get along no matter what, that it doesn't mean that either of them are bad.

Maybe Lea is really that choosy with who he hangs out with.

But something still doesn't sit right with her.

It's silent, and she forgets that she's losing herself to thoughts in the presence of other people. She figures she can't help it considering how long she's been alone. What do people say for small talk?

"It's weird." Riku breaks the silence, fingers in his hair like he's massaging the headache away. "Sitting here without anticipating Kefka's arrival."

"That's the way it should be," Sora says.

"Yeah…" Riku eyes Aqua nervously, and there's no way to tell what's on his mind. "You were... incredible. It's amazing what you can do with a Keyblade with proper focus."

That's right. They are self-trained.

"You both do so well on your own," Aqua says. And she means it, what with Riku's sharp tactics and Sora's gift of bringing his friends together to gather his power.

"Right…" Riku looks down at the table, and this time Sora's noticing. "It's interesting."

It almost sounds accusatory. "What is?" Aqua asks.

"The way you used Kefka's swords. Darkness to defeat darkness-"

"I don't use darkness," Aqua says shortly.

Her insistence, a sharp tongue meant to put a stop to anyone who questions her, keeps Riku tight-lipped. It even makes Sora do a double-take toward his best friend… and she wonders if he's suspicious too.

"You use darkness too," Sora gently says to Riku, as if to normalize the conversation.

"It's not the same," Riku says and immediately bites his lip. The rest he compensates: "I walk the road to dawn. Take the darkness and turn it into light to guide my way. But…"

It's enough to make Aqua's nostrils flare out. It's not true about her...

"She- You manipulated a part of Kefka and used it against itself. That's different from what I do." Riku switches course, giving her an encouraging smile. "It is inspiring though. I've never seen anything like it."

Aqua doesn't know what he's trying to imply. Or rather, she doesn't care to face it. "I…"

"Have been in the Realm of Darkness for a long time," Sora says with compassionate eyes. "And you're a Master. The way you sliced Kefka's head clean off with your Keyblade-" He finishes with a swoosh from his lips and a finger across his neck.

Riku chuckles. "I've always thought that anyone capable of making even a dent on Kefka should be called a Keyblade Master."

Sora contorts a smile like he's struggling to contain it. "Doesn't make you look good at all, does it, Riku?"

Aqua gasps. He's so young. "You're a Master?"

He nods once - to the side actually, like he's shy about it, when he normally presents himself with such confidence.

"Riku was meant for it," Sora cuts in, waving his hands like he's giving an entrance to the stars. "Destined to be Keyblade Master."

"Congratulations, Master Riku," Aqua says.

He hums, rubbing his forearm. "’Riku' is fine."

It's no wonder Sora loves teasing him. Riku makes it easy.

"That makes you the youngest Keyblade Master ever," Aqua says. It's funny watching Riku fight away his blushing. "You even beat me to it."

Sora is loving it, snorting into his hand.

"Age is really nothing." Riku dismisses her with a wave of her hand.

"I beg to differ. I've only studied it my entire life, but if you want to say you know more about this than I do-"

"That's not-" This time, Riku's cheeks really are red. "I didn't mean-"

Aqua clears her throat, and for a moment, Riku's silence is pregnant and anxious. She lets it build up much to his suffering, before saying, "I'm messing with you."

Sora holds a fist to his mouth to sustain his laughter, but it seeps out like the accidents of a trumpet.

Which is also a terrible idea, now that he can't control his coughing to the point where he almost plops onto the table out of exhaustion.

"Master to Master," Aqua says, seriously this time, and it catches Riku's attention. "I would appreciate if you respect the fact that I don't need a guardian."

He eyes her, most likely thinking back to last night when he conveniently left out crucial details just to keep her out of a dangerous fight. He clears his throat. "I thought that maybe Terra would have been worried if you were in that much danger."

"That would have been true." She goes back to the orange lilies, rubbing a petal with her thumb. "But he also would have trusted me to take care of myself."

"Right." He thinks hard, nodding, then nodding some more. "I won't do it again."

She wears an appreciative smile. "So your Keyblades…" she starts. There's so much ground to cover.

Traditionally, a wielder would be bequeathed. Their Keyblade would materialize when they're older, when they're on the brink of deciding who they want to be and what they want to strive for. In the case of Sora and Riku…

"Riku," she calls, her hand outstretched to him at the table. "I remember." Barely. "Terra chose you. I felt it. Your light burst into rays after he bequeathed you."

There's a small smile on Riku's lips and he doesn't have to say anything in order to tell her that he wears that memory with pride.

"But Sora," she continues. If he hasn't been bequeathed then… Well, if one Keyblade is the extension of the entirety of one's personal ambitions, dreams, bonds, heartaches, and identities, then... "How do you have two of them?"

It's so unfitting to watch his smile falter. To watch him fight with it. He's different than Lea in the sense that Lea acknowledges whatever flashes in his mind. Afterwards he puts on a mask, like he's two different people at once.

But Sora struggles to do the same. Sora buries it.

"I bet the other one belongs to Roxas," he says, hands behind his head. Riku agrees.

"I don't understand."

"My Nobody…" His eyes shiver. "I hate that word. Roxas is his own person, and calling him that-"

Riku places a hand on his shoulder, and it keeps Sora from digging deeper into such thoughts.

Whatever trials Sora went through in order to produce a Nobody must be an amazing story. He would have turned into a Heartless, succumbed to darkness for even a fraction of a second. Which is something Aqua would have never even considered for someone like Sora - he's so jovial, so loving, so willing to put others ahead of himself.

Maybe that's the reason. Everybody stretches themselves too much, and everybody hurts sometimes.

Sora leans forward, a hand to his chest. "I have Roxas' heart with me. That's why I have two Keyblades."

Again, Riku scuffles. "Did you know Terra can do the same?" he asks Aqua.

Terra with his Earthshaker and a nameless silver Keyblade. Considering how she saw Sora with two with her very own eyes, suddenly it's not hard to imagine.

If Terra is going through the same, then he's much stronger than she ever realized, having to carry a parasite inside.

Aqua chooses to think it's admirable, bearing on such a burden. She imagines somewhere where Sora can't touch, this Roxas person has to be incredibly sad not being able to taste life on his own. It makes her think of Ven, who also isn't able to share the flowers with her.

She's sure that Sora must have the same conviction she has to save them both.

"Sora," she starts. His name is starting to sound like sunshine. "I meant to bequeath you myself."

His eyes go wide, his lips small like a mouse's, like he's never considered he was meant for the honor. "... Seriously?"

"Yes." She chuckles. "You remember meeting me?"

"Vaguely."

"I remember it more," Riku says.

"I saw how bright your light was," Aqua says. "You were destined for it, too."

Sora is dumbstruck, eyes scanning the table for nothing to find. She's sure he's just forgotten to thank her since he's normally polite. Something tells her he's probably been told the complete opposite, judging by how much he's sinking into disbelief.

Riku is the one smiling more about that revelation.

"Thank you," Sora finally says, beaming like his self-esteem isn't in junk heaps.

"I really wanted to take you in," she says. "But… I was worried. By the time I met the both of you, I was sure I was going to have to fight Terra, even though I didn't want to. I was forced to put a stop to what was happening to us."

She tears up. It burns less than last night.

"I wanted to spare you both from the same," she whispers, seeing these grown-up boys with stronger jaws and shallower cheeks. "I didn't want the Keyblade to split the two of you like it did to us."

Sora cackles into laughter. It's contagious enough to affect Riku who quietly joins him in whatever inside joke she's not part of. "Too late."

"The good old days." Riku leans on his elbow and hides his face behind his hand. "You were a piece of work, Sora."

"You're one to talk," Sora scoffs, arms crossing at the surface of the table so he can lie his head down. "You were really obnoxious."

Riku melts into a grin then quickly composes himself, shrugging with one shoulder. "That's fair."

It could have been so different for them. Whatever their story is, it's null and void by now.

That's not honest, whatever happened has made Sora and Riku who they are today: strongly bonded, cracking jokes with a rhythm, powerful wielders who can rely on each other.

It could have been Terra and Aqua. It makes her feel silly, worrying so much because she thought there was a point where he couldn't be helped anymore.

She should have trusted more instead of assuming whatever path he was on was destructive to himself and everyone else.

But if it has worked out for Riku and Sora, who sit in front of her like they only have happy memories, then it may still work out for her and Terra.

She has to believe that.

The sound of squeaky wheels marches up to the table, and Rydia takes a cart with vials of elixir on the top shelf and stacks of colorful board games underneath. It's nice to see her walk around without dragging her feet or leaning on that old wizard's staff. Her slow recovery bodes well for all of them.

"You all look heavenly," she says, giving them each a personal vial which they are expected to drink in full.

"That's such a lie," Sora says, leaning over. "You're the one who looks almost normal."

She grimaces. "Not according to everyone in town… They say that once Kefka has gotten you, it will stay with you forever."

"Then buy him a clown nose," Riku points to Sora, which earns him a jab in the ribs.

"What exactly does that mean?" Aqua asks, more serious that she'd like to admit.

There's an invasive suspicion that refuses to vacate the back of her mind: that darkness has found a way into her heart, and that it may mean it will always linger there. What would the Master think?

Rydia bends over to caress her shoulder. "Nothing to worry about. It's something the townsfolk say to have a reason to stay scared. They want to deny anything and everything that would threaten them further."

Is that why Rydia's smile doesn't reach her eyes? Are they alienating her?

Rydia doesn't answer the questions in Aqua's mind, and instead pulls out the stack games, some in different languages, and lets them choose one.

"You want a rematch?" Riku asks.

"Absolutely not," Rydia says with a wink. "I still want to gloat about my win."

The stack is the typical clash of colors, a desperate way to claw at children's attention. Aqua is lucky. Having a Master that traveled through different universes meant she had the privilege to play with things that would otherwise never arrive at a child's door.

And there is one she does recognize.

"Command Board," she says, pulling it out from underneath the rest.

"Good choice," Sora says, even though he's likely never played it before.

"We used to grow up playing this." She chuckles to herself, remembering all the times she accused Terra of cheating. How Ven got a little too proud if he happened to win.

"It's a three-player game," Rydia says with a small nod. She's the odd fourth in the group, and maybe Aqua is a little sensitive to the idea of her not belonging, but Rydia waves like she's not bothered by it. "I hope you make new memories with it. It'll help with the poison."

"Huh?" Sora mutters.

Rydia may know better, but she probably should have been more blunt: to say that Aqua should keep her chin up and stay optimistic in spite of trying times. Aqua doesn't understand why the people around her are so concerned about her state of mind - does coming from the Realm of Darkness creep them out that much?

If what they say about Kefka's poison is just a jest, then Aqua truly doesn't have anything to worry about.

"How do you play?" Sora asks, and Aqua realizes she's been silent too long, once again.

Riku watches her with intent, and she challenges his gaze enough to get him to look somewhere else.

"Ah," she breathes. "The rules are complicated but you'll learn along the way."

She lifts the lid. This board isn't the same one she used to play with, but the rules are similar so she'll take it as a grand new adventure. There's some cards missing, but the dice are definitely all present.

Playing with Sora and Riku is like playing with friendly ghosts.

There's Sora with all his enthusiasm, already going too far in plotting strategies for events he can't predict are going to happen (so far he has a fifty-fifty success rate). He's so much like Ven, who's cunning enough to make all the right assumptions, and threw down more cards than he cared about moving his piece through the board. Ven loved to tag-team and then betray, pitting Terra and Aqua against each other so they wouldn't go after him.

Riku is a little more reserved and careful. He reads his cards like he's studying a textbook, and he catches the both of them by surprise when he considers card combinations she's never tried before. He's like Terra, slow and sneaky. Terra had terrible poker face, usually bringing his cards right against his nose to hide what he's thinking. And that's only if he wasn't throwing glances at Aqua with a smirk on his face. He used to say that it's to predict what she's going to do next. Nowadays, Aqua thinks it's so much more than that.

Yet Riku and Sora are different. They are a nice homage to childish days, a breath of fresh nostalgia. They are innocent in the game, but not yet to the point where they have to consider tricking Aqua, and this gives her an advantage.

It's as colorful in Traverse Town as the spots on the board. It may hide dreary secrets behind the night lights, mixed with its enviously gorgeous architecture, but there's a pleasant space here. A spot to hide away from sins.

It's not really a home, yet. But it's close enough.

~*~*~*~*~

The streets are louder than ever when night comes. It's the fourth parade in a row, which Aqua watches from her bedroom window. The horns are thunderous, drums banging to the pace of the march where dancers hand balloons to children and throw candy at everyone else.

It may be the fourth but Noctis is still uncomfortable, hands hiding in his pockets instead of waving to the crowds. He only calms when Garnet joins him on such an embarrassment, all the way through to the end. If she's not smiling at people, she's looking at the cobblestones under her feet.

Aqua is on the highest floor of the hotel but she can still hear Donald's scratchy whining down below whenever Sora bursts out of the hotel doors. They're all doing so much better by now, but he still treats them as delicate.

By now, Sora doesn't have a guttural cough anymore.

By now, the electric bell in the clock tower has been deactivated, under Noctis' orders.

By now, Lea knocks on Aqua's door with a mug already prepared with sleeping weed. For as much as Lea acts like he enjoys hanging out with people, he certainly spends a lot of time alone, avoiding the crowds. Like water, like fire.

"You forgot your tea," he says, and sets the mug on her bedside table. "Three cheers for health, dreams, and vanquishing Heartless. Now drink it."

Other nights, Aqua's usually more willing to drink. Tonight, she walks briskly to pick up Terra's Wayfinder, massaging it in her hand while Lea makes himself comfortable with a chair in between his legs.

She could avoid it, but she's terrible about this sort of thing. Eventually, Lea will read exactly how anxious she is.

"Does it smell funny?" He's already doing it.

There's a growing list of questions ever since Lea made it clear that he and Xemnas don't get along. There shouldn't be, and Aqua wants to be mature enough to cast them aside.

"I don't have friends from the darkness," she says.

Yet it still bothers her.

Lea looks around the room, from one corner to another, from the carpet to the ceiling. "That doesn't answer my question.

That she's made a friend in the darkness.

She holds the Wayfinder close to her heart. "What does Xemnas do?"

"Still on that, huh." Lea scoffs. She's expected him to maybe grunt in shock, or give her a grim response. "You really want to know?"

No.

"I don't know." She blinks several times, like she's just been awakened. "He… he was supposed to find me. He promised he'd get me out."

"Out of the Realm of Darkness?" Lea whistles, crossing his arms over the backrest and resting his chin on his fist. "There's nothing much to tell about Xemnas. It's not a good story, so just drink your tea, it'll make you feel better."

How can it be, she wonders. She remembers the very first time she's ever heard his voice.

Somewhere deep where mirrors talked back and had a mind of their own.

And she had asked:

"Is this… the last apparition before it takes me over?"

And he had said:

"No."

"...No?"

"You wanted an answer to your question. It is no."

Since then, whenever she struggled with painful loneliness, he gave her peaceful solitude.

Lea's voice reminds her that she's nowhere deep anymore. "If you want to know what happened to him, you should ask Riku and Sora." Then he laughs, shaking his head with disgust like he's embarrassed he's told a terrible joke. "Nevermind. Don't tell Sora, he'd be pretty upset if he heard."

"Why would-" She takes a sharp inhale. "Why-"

Something about it clicks. If those boys were involved, then Lea is right: it's a truth she'd never want to hear.

But Aqua is sometimes too brave for her own good, even in the face of regret.

Lea looks at her hard. "You should really count your blessings."

He takes too much time to find the right words, and she wants to slap him to get on with it since what is so difficult about this information?

After deliberation, he says, "He's Xehanort's Nobody."

It isn't what she expected. It isn't even her worst nightmare, yet Aqua cripples down to the floor, nearly hurling over the carpet, shutting her mouth with her hands. The parade outside sings and dances by itself, a different life altogether than what's living in her own room.

"Hey," Lea objects, his hands up in surrender. "It's not that shameful to be a Nobody."

"He isn't."

"Oh, he is." He stands up, coming over her shoulder to make sure she's not losing herself. "Devilishly handsome, stone-faced, cold-hearted, greedy, obnoxious - all the makings of a cockroach."

"How could I have fallen for it?" she snaps, even though she doesn't mean to take it out on Lea.

When she sobers after giving him a cold stare, she understands. It's not just her. Terra fell for it too, right after the most important failure of his life that left him utterly broken-hearted.

Aqua was broken-hearted, as well.

Lea's emerald green eyes spark. He smirks, bending down on his knees to join her. "I see that you're smart enough to know the answer to that question, so I don't have to waste my breath." He takes the mug and cups it. "This is the third damn time I'm telling you to drink your tea. Or else I'll hire you a mother."

She is absent-minded when she takes the mug, only aware enough that it doesn't tip over and spill. "Does that make me a terrible Master? That I let him in?"

"Nah." Lea waves his hand over like he's swatting a fly. "If I was alone that much, I wouldn't care either. And that's saying something."

"I really felt like I needed him." She sighs. She's supposed to be smarter than this, to notice when people take advantage of her. And it makes her angry. "When I see him again-"

"Stop right there." He clicks his tongue and waves a finger at her. "There's no need to look for him. You won't get any answers, and it won't make you happy."

Lea then pats her on the shoulder hard enough to knock her off her stupor.

She once told Xemnas how grateful she was for his companionship. Aqua doesn't know whether to grieve over something that never existed, or start a war. "What else is left?" she asks.

"With Xemnas?" He scratches his head, already on his way towards the door. "Nothing. He's Nobody. A blip in a tiny part of your past and not much more."

When he opens her door, Duchess and her kittens are already clawing to come in. "Well, excuse me." He lifts one leg let them in, then turns an about-face to bid her good night. "Aqua, for crying out loud, drink it." He shuts it.

Aqua sits on the carpet, Duchess climbing onto her lap. She purrs. It's enough to remind Aqua that she has some cat food stashed away, so she neglects her tea to prepare it for them.

"Terra," she says to his Wayfinder, the last of the cat bowl filled, "I swear I'm going to bring us all back together and keep us protected."

Vulnerable - that's the word she feels strongest, being exposed to Xehanort like that when she thought she was immune to him.

Terra once told her he was stupid many years ago, and now the joke's on her.

The melody from his music box melts away the embarrassment for now.

"I'm so sorry," she says, "for judging you the way I did."

The tea is now lukewarm, but along with the leftover elixir that waits on her bedside table, she expects - she demands of her body - to heal completely by tomorrow.

~*~*~*~*~

Aqua still doesn't feel so well, but she's fine enough. Minor headaches to and fro, some nausea left in the morning, and heaping of grumpiness. She asks Riku and Sora if they're well enough to join her, and they're bored enough to jump the bandwagon as quickly as possible. Good.

After four nights in a row partying, Traverse Town is ready to hunker down and begin rebuilding. The hotel is once again filled with the bustle of workers, and Noctis is always followed by a crowd of people waiting for their assignments, just an ordinary day for him.

Cid of course is always nagging him.

"We got the hospital to clean out in the west," Cid would bark.

"I know, I have it on my list," Noctis would snark back.

"What about the third district?"

"I'm getting on that."

"Sewers are a mess, the Heartless-"

"I know."

"The clock tower needs-"

"I know."

"Kid, I don't know what to do with ya!"

Goodbyes are quick. Rydia makes absolutely certain that Aqua promises she'll take care of herself. Originally, Rydia objected to their leave, but compensates by giving them extra elixirs just in case. She inspects their faces to make sure they have proper color, before demanding hugs.

Noctis thanks Sora and Riku specifically for their work in vanquishing Heartless and Nobodies. Maybe one day, he'll be reunited with his friends. That once they're back, he'll take them to see what else is out there, as soon as his work is finished.

Aqua doesn't know what to say to him. Tradition says that reckless travel in between worlds is forbidden. Upsets the balance of the multiverse, brings oblivion and destruction, etc etc.

And yet, Traverse Town is the exact opposite of everything she knows. Aqua wonders if the Master was ever aware of its existence.

Lea pulls her aside for his temporary farewell - he has business to take care of, and his own personal gummi ship sits only one, so there's no use tagging along. But he's still mulish about his belief that Aqua is in need of a loving, doting mother to take care of areas that she's neglecting, and somehow he must deem himself perfect for the role.

His advice: Mind your vegetables.

Second, Drink water.

He has trouble thinking of a third one, and he settles for Don't get a concussion. Aqua doesn't consider this to be something most mothers would say to their children.

Finally, he tells her, Don't get pregnant. And that's enough wisdom for the day.

Just like that, he's gone. He moves like he has someplace to go, just like everyone else around here, leaving messes and tripping over them, splitting up until lunch break, telling their wives and children that they'll be back later in the day.

There's just one person who is still.

The rabbit-woman from the other night, sitting on a lounge chair by the wall opposite, fine curtains and exquisite vases notwithstanding.

She watches Aqua diligently like a hunter, with an expression that's hard to describe. Aqua interprets it as condescension. Suspicion, distrust, and there's a sense that this rabbit-woman sees through Aqua, as if reading her insides, her mind, her heart.

The rabbit-woman is scantily dressed, showing more dark skin that anything else, with hair as white as clouds, and it makes Aqua blush.

"Our heroine of fine quality," she hears a voice say behind her. The well-dressed man strides with confidence, rebuttoning his cuffs. He smells like he has just bathed in soap and cologne. This close, the embroidery on his vest looks like it was sewn with gold thread. "That was quite a show you've given us that night."

Aqua is still flustered by the rabbit-woman, and she stammers. This isn't like her. "I- Excuse me, um, who is asking exactly?"

"Balthier," he says like she's supposed to know. "I see Fran has made her acquaintance as well."

Aqua clears her throat.

"Balthier," Garnet calls out, floating over on her dainty feet, with excitement in her voice and a grand smile on her face. It suits her better than despair. "I believe you are intimidating our guest."

"I trust it isn't my disposition." The way he's speaking - he's flirting with her.

Garnet takes a moment to study him. "I imagine pirates have their way."

"Well, I am no ruffian."

"Pirates?" Aqua asks. "You don't strike me as one."

"I'm a sky pirate," Balthier says as though he's offended. "I suppose I should have greeted you with an 'Ahoy, matey' and doubtless you'd be convinced."

"Sky pirates," Aqua whispers. It makes sense. Now she knows where she's seen Fran before - or rather people like Fran. Viera, that's the word to describe their race of people. All the way in the corner of the empty space that splits the worlds apart is a cluster of stars that form their very own galaxy. The Master has theorized it is because the threads that should have cut after the great Keyblade War are still strung together.

Montressor - that's the name of one of the stars there. They have been there before… maybe seventeen years ago by this point? The Master had supervised them on a mission there.

Aqua doesn't say anything about it - it's no good to trust pirates.

"Then where did you learn water magic?" she asks Balthier. "It's rare."

Balthier has a smug look on his face. "I have acquired some runes."

Or stolen them. Either way, it's definitely a lie. He turns over his shoulder to meet with his partner.

"What say you, Fran?" He takes a seat on one of the shorter dressers right by her side. "Where shall the stars take us next?"

Fran takes one more stare at Aqua before replying, "The sun will set." Her accent rolls and purrs, though it's subtle. "And we will meet it."

Balthier has no option but to take what he gets. "Lovely. Carry onward, then."

They move too, in opposite directions as everyone else.

There must be something on Aqua's face, because Garnet reads it and says, "Fran is a special member of our community." It's a wonder how she can trust pirates so easily.

"What does she do?"

"She senses the darkness in others, even in our worlds. That is exactly how they have saved me." Garnet holds a crystal hanging from her neck. "And she has been an asset to us every since."

It's unsettling for Aqua, but she's fine the way she is. Kefka's poison will not turn her into a Heartless.

Without warning, Garnet takes both her hands and holds them in between. "Have no fear. You are quite capable, and stronger than anyone I have ever met."

Aqua hasn't been feeling that way the last couple of days. "Thank you," she says with a smile.

Garnet returns it, a sparkle in her eyes. "He is a treasure, Aqua."

"Uh, who?"

"Terra, of course." Why does everyone have to put her on the spot? "He brought you to us."

There's so much heat in Aqua's cheeks, she's sure she's red in the face. "Ah, thank you." It sounds more like a question that anything else, a slip in the cracks of her otherwise serious demeanor.

"Before I forget." Garnet lets go of her, and searches a knapsack hanging from her shoulder. "Terra purchased this for Ventus."

A fancy silver whistle, adorned with red gemstones. "It is enchanted," Garnet says, "its calls meant only for the one who is needed. Be sure to give it to him?"

"Of course." That is so much like Terra, leaving them random things he feels they need.

At least that's his usual self. It's hard to imagine what he was thinking when he went off on his own and never came back to the Land of Departure. Aqua had suspected he stopped caring about them.

But he never did, and that's the point.

"And be sure to give Leon and Lightning our love," Garnet says. "We owe them our lives for all the help they've granted us."

Not like Aqua knows who they are.

~*~*~*~*~

Riku takes the helm of Sora's gummi ship since his own has been sliced in two by a lunatic clown. He says it's because it's safer if he drives, but Aqua suspects he trusts Sora wholeheartedly, more than he lets on.

He just won't admit he likes to be in control.

The gummi ship is comfortable and large, lights blinking in a language Aqua does not understand. She never imagined that engineers could create technology that allows people to travel between worlds without the guidance of a Keyblade. The Master would surely disapprove of this.

She takes the empty seat behind Sora, and finishes making herself comfortable when Donald walks in. Apparently she has taken his chair, counting on the way he's mumbling and gurgling to himself. With the scratchiness of his voice, it's impossible to tell what he's saying to her.

Sora understands him, giving Aqua a shake of his head as if saying not to worry. Maybe Donald is usually this grumpy. "He said no, again?" he asks Donald.

"He said no again." Donald takes the seat next to Aqua, Goofy trailing closely behind with a pep to his step.

"What's going on?" Riku is busy turning on the engine, but he listens closely.

"Balthier won't take our munny to find a Door to Darkness," Sora says. "Dangerous business, he says, if there's nothing to gain from it or no one to save from a world that's about to fall."

Riku scoffs. "I guess that makes sense? It's funny to see him that concerned."

"Why? He's pretty cool."

"You say that about every pirate."

"He's a pirate that flies. That's better than anything."

"How is he able to travel to other worlds?" Aqua asks. "He shouldn't be able to do that in the first place."

Riku grimaces, trapping a laugh. "Sora, you don't know this story."

Sora hops in his seat. "Tell me."

"Mickey and I," Riku starts, and it already catches Donald and Goofy's attention. "Traveled to Montressor… I don't remember why we were there, but Balthier caught us red-handed landing in that world. He chased us using his sky ship, all over the stars of that world. It's humongous."

"Are you serious?" Sora is near laughing, and Donald grunts.

"And he caught us."

"Ha."

"Tied us up, and demanded to know how we even got there.

"Well, obviously you're fine. He's cool, like I said."

"We gave him spare gummi parts, then he let us go. Simple as that."

Sora slaps his knee. "That's awesome."

"Hmph!" Donald nearly slaps his own waist in fury, like scolding them with his hands on his hips won't catch up to how angry he is. "That was dangerous for the King!"

Goofy laughs - it's a hearty one, like there's reason to be happy. "They got out just fine."

Suddenly Donald hangs his head. "We left the King in the Realm of Darkness."

Ooh, sadness on Goofy is enough to make Aqua tear up - he's so animated, so contorted with grief, and he takes his hat off like he's honoring a funeral. "If only his Majesty let us go with him."

Riku is quiet, and Sora sighs.

"It was Mickey's choice," Riku says calmly, "like I've said before. He wields powerful magic, and he has Terra with him."

Goofy keeps quiet.

Donald, however, fires up. "If anything happens to the King, Terra knows what I am capable of."

"Now, now," Goofy says, putting his hat back on and counting on his fingers. "Terra is kind, and generous, and helpful-"

"He's trouble." Donald crosses his arms.

Sora snorts. "Don't worry about them Aqua, they're always like that. Terra is awesome." He spins over his seat to give her a reassuring smile. "Where to first?"

Riku turns over his shoulder, too. "I hope to Master Yen Sid's?" He takes one look at Aqua and gets his answer. "You're going to be as difficult as Terra, aren't you? Fine."

Ven is far more important than anything. There's really nothing she has to say to Yen Sid, and for some reason… she doesn't want anything he has to offer. She's the only one that knows about Ven, so there isn't anything new he could tell her.

"I need to go to the Land of Departure."

Sora and Riku exchange looks. It's clear they've heard of it before. "Terra asked for the same."

Aqua hesitates. "And?"

Riku turns on a device which whirrs and spits and beeps like it's scanning. He gives another look over to Sora, this time more grim.

"The pathway is blocked," he says simply.

"I'm sorry, what are you saying?" Aqua leans over, holding Sora's chair to keep herself steady.

"We can only travel through highways in between worlds. Nothing like what you're able to with your armor and glider," Riku explains with melancholy to his voice. But he wouldn't know either - he'd never be able to comprehend how sick she's getting right now. "Why it's blocked can mean ten different things, but usually we find it in our scanner."

The Land of Departure has changed dramatically, that much is true. Darkness has ruled its skies for years, the castle has been disfigured, so maybe something is off. What if it got worse? What if it was attacked?

… What if it fell?

"Ven is there," she blurts out, shivering. She doesn't mean to say it. He's only safe if she's the only one who knows, but… "I have to get there. I can't leave him behind-"

Sora grabs her wrist. His smile is… angelic almost, like she doesn't have to explain herself.

"Ventus is fine," Sora says, even though he has no way of knowing. "I don't believe that you'd ever be reckless with him, so I know he's okay."

She stirs. There's a warmth in her chest that caresses her stomach. Sora is right. If she listens, her heart knows that Ven is fine. She doesn't know how Sora could feel the same way since they don't know each other, but he has a gift. She's always sensed it.

Riku takes turns glancing at each of them. "What's with you all of a sudden?" he asks Sora.

Sora lets her go and situates back in his seat. "What do you mean?"

Goofy chuckles that warm swelling of his. "Somethin's different about ya."

"What?"

"You're just different around Terra and Aqua," Riku says too quickly. "You're very needy for their attention."

Sora interlaces his fingers behind his head, leaning into his chair. "And you're just jealous."

"Yen Sid's, then?" Riku tries again. He throws another glance at Aqua to test the waters and she sighs.

If she had her own Keyblade, her own armor, she could find the Land of Departure by herself and do what she has to do.

Yet the Master would have respected her for visiting his old friend, and accept the wisdom given. After all, she's a Master too, and she has responsibilities.

Making Ven wait isn't worth any of them, though.

Does she have a choice? In order to get to Ven, she absolutely needs her armor, and can make do with the Master's Defender. Maybe Yen Sid could be useful in giving her direction.

… Aqua still isn't sure she wants to listen to someone who lazily sat with his outdated books while she waited for someone to save her. It's not very noble of him at all.

"Okay then," she says unenthusiastically.

"Finally!" Sora shoots a fist in the air while Riku revs the engine. "I'm ready to go. You know, once we get Terra back, he needs to teach us how to make armor like that. It's the coolest thing."

"Sounds like a great idea," Riku says.

"It is," Aqua says softly. She's wasting time traveling the opposite direction.

Leaving what she really wants behind for yet another day. Traverse Town shrinks as they fly up, and she hopes the next time she comes here, it's prettier.

A/N: This chapter makes references to Treasure Planet (2002).

#terraqua #aqua #riku #sora #lea #kh fanfic #kingdom hearts fanfiction #all the final fantasy characters #and my crippling lack of self-esteem #and deadly social anxiety #have fun #my fic

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komorebirei · 4 years

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Fantaisie (Music AU Drabble) - It’s Official

Quick note: So, I have a lot of inspiration for this music AU. A lot of it is cute or fun little scenes, or side-conversations. So, I’ve started another drabble series within my music AU, called Fantaisie. Unlike Solfège, these drabbles will be longer and more like self-contained scenes instead of little teasers.

These all happen within the Broken Fugue timeline, and reading them will probably give more spice to Broken Fugue, but since a lot of the scenes I think up don’t really contribute directly to the plot (or are backstories / sidestories that would make the pace way too slow to get to the main plot of Broken Fugue if I were to tell them in order), they’re being thrown into this non-chronological chapter dump for the benefit of anyone who likes the AU and wants to see more. I’ll make notes on when things happen, though, unlike with Solfège.

Also, while the main storyline of this AU is called Broken Fugue, the series containing all my writings within this AU (and as such, the AU itself) is called Rêveries, Passions, just to clear that up.

—

This drabble happens in September, close to the beginning of the school year when Adrien and Marinette first meet.

—

Fantaisie (Music AU Drabble) – It’s Official

Marinette picks up her pencil to scribble in a bowing notation when a sharp rap cuts the relative silence of the room. So she hadn’t imagined the knock when she heard it the first time, in the middle of playing.

“Just a moment,” She calls out, setting her violin on the piano bench, a little miffed.

Practice rooms are supposed to be sacred, like personal sanctuaries—no one interrupts practice sessions. It’s an unspoken rule. But at the same time, she’s at her wit’s end with the challenging passage she’s been working on, and thankful for an excuse to take a break.

She twists the doorknob.

“Sorry to interrupt, Macaron Girl,” the young man announces as soon as the door opens. It’s the pianist from chamber orchestra—Adrien. “Just wanted to say hi.”

Marinette quirks a brow. “You knew it was me?”

“I know your playing.” Adrien leans against the doorframe with a smirk, shaking a curtain of flaxen locks from his eyes.

Marinette’s cheeks heat uncomfortably. Today’s practice session has been rough so far. “Sorry for your ears,” she mumbles, feeling exposed and ashamed.

“Oh, please,” Adrien scoffs. “You sounded great, as always. But could I offer some advice?”

“Sure…”

“Maybe it would help you to think more like a pianist?”

Marinette blinks. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“You’re basically playing broken chords,” Adrien explains. “I mean, you know that already, from an intellectual standpoint, but you need to feel it too. You need to have the whole chord in your mind when you play. If you think in terms of chords, it’ll help with intonation.”

“Okay…” Marinette nods dubiously, trying to shrug off the slight irritation at having her intonation called out. She thinks her sense of intonation is just fine. It’s not like she can’t tell when she’s sharp or flat.

“Mind if I come in, Macaron Girl?” Adrien invites himself.

“Sure…” Marinette moves aside to let him fully into the room. She really has no right to be annoyed by this invasion of her privacy. This is a role-reversal, in fact—usually she’s the one infringing on his practice time, though not in a practice room. Noticing that Adrien is always half-an-hour early to chamber orchestra rehearsal, she’s taken to coming early herself to play through the pieces with him and work on syncing up the tricky passages. “I hope you didn’t forget my name already, by the way.”

“Don’t worry, Marinette, I could never forget your name.” Adrien grins at her with an attitude of carefree nonchalance. “I just like calling you Macaron Girl. Don’t you think it sounds like a superhero name?”

“Pretty lame name for a superhero, if you ask me. What kind of powers would she have?”

“The power to improve someone’s mood tenfold by giving them a macaron.” He gives her a sweet smile that sweeps away the last dregs of her irritation. “I can attest to the fact that it really works.”

Marinette fights a blush at his unexpectedly sincere words.

“I’m serious, by the way,” Adrien assures her with a straight face. It sounds like there’s a backstory he’s not telling her. Maybe she’s happened to pick good times to get into his bubble and distract him from something going on in his life.

They’re not close enough for her to ask, though.

“I’m… glad you don’t find me annoying?” she responds with sheepish modesty.

“As I keep telling you, I’m delighted to be able to help. Especially when you reward me so generously with macarons.”

“The macarons are small compensation,” Marinette smiles shyly. “Thanks again.”

“Anytime.” Adrien returns the smile and points at her iPad. “Mind if I take this?”

She shakes her head.

He moves her iPad, which has the music displayed, to the piano so he can see the notes. “Okay, play it again.”

Peering at the music over his shoulder, she starts, hesitantly at first to see what he’s going to do. As she runs through the arpeggiated sixteenth notes, he plays the underlying chords, drawing her attention to the way each melodic note locks in. Instead of focusing on her fingering and hitting each individual note clearly, she feels as though her understanding of the music has broadened—now, she hears how her notes are supposed to weave into the overall fabric of the music.

After a few lines, he stops and asks, “How was that?”

“That helped, actually,” Marinette replies. “I’ll admit, I wasn’t thinking about it in terms of chords.”

“I know,” Adrien laughs, “you were too busy trying to play the notes. Totally understandable. Ah, but I’m sorry for forcing this on you. It was probably really annoying of me.”

Even though he interrupted her, stepped into her practice room and corrected her, a combination that would usually annoy Marinette to no end, Adrien’s demeanor is so pleasant and unassuming that she realizes she doesn’t mind. “Nah, it’s okay. I appreciate it.”

Adrien grins. “Sometimes it can help to be friends with a pianist. We make good sidekicks.”

Marinette nudges him. ��Sidekick? Don’t put yourself down.”

“Hey, can I give you my number?”

Marinette blinks. The question came out of the blue. “Sure?” she answers, taking her phone from the music stand, not sure of his intentions.

As Adrien dictates his number, she types it in and hits the call button. A buzz sounds against fabric, and he extracts his phone from his pocket, lifting it to show her number on the screen. “It’s official!” He grins widely, showing his dimples. “We’re friends!”

His smile is infectious.

“If you ever need a pianist, I’m your guy,” he vows with a wink, “so any time you want to work on one of your solo pieces again, just give me a call.”

“Any time, huh? You know these practice rooms are open twenty-four-seven.”

“I do treasure my beauty sleep, but for you…” He heaves a long-suffering sigh. “I may be willing to sacrifice. Such is the cost of friendship.”

“I see you take the bond of friendship very seriously,” Marinette remarks wryly. What a silver tongue he has. She makes a mental note to be careful with this one.

“I do. And now… I’ll let you be. Pardon me for the interruption.” Giving a little dramatic flourish and bow, he slips out the door and shuts it with a click.

The room feels very quiet after his departure, and Marinette stands watching the door for a few moments, very aware of the tingling in her chest.

She already knew she liked him as a person, and of course he’s objectively cute, but it’s only now hitting her how much trouble she’s getting herself into.

She has his number… and they’re friends, whatever that might mean to him…

Marinette tries to move on with her life and not obsess about it.

#Broken Fugue #Reveries Passions #Music School AU #Miraculous Music AU #Adrienette #Adrien Agreste #Marinette Dupain-Cheng

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stevenuniversallyreviews · 5 years

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Episode 103: Bubbled

“If I could begin to be half of what you think of me, I could do about anything.”

In the middle of Act I of Steven Universe, Steven saves the Atlantic Ocean, and in the middle of Act II, he saves Earth. These are large-scale victories that show his growing capabilities as a Crystal Gem in the global sense: he’s a defender of the world and all its inhabitants, and has two major accomplishments to show for it.

The end of Act I is more of a personal fight. The only lives at stake are those of the Crystal Gems as they’re brought into space, and Steven takes a more passive role in the finale, helping here and there but ultimately having the day saved by Garnet (and, arguably, Lapis). And it turns out the pattern of a more extreme sequel in Act II continues: in Bubbled, the only life at stake is his own, and despite being far more competent than he was in Jailbreak, he needs to be saved by others once again, because he’s been shattered.

As with Jailbreak, Steven spends a good part of Bubbled with another ornery ruby who gripes “Great! This is just perfect!” and barely gives him the time of day at first. In both episodes he tries and fails to help this ruby: our Ruby runs off on her own in impatience, and Eyeball tries to shank him and must be ejected from his bubble. But something interesting happens when you compare these rubies further, because beyond their opposing loyalties, there’s one major difference between the two of them: Ruby has such a low opinion of herself that she doesn’t think it matters whether or not she gets hurt, while Eyeball has such a high opinion of herself that she dreams of being the hero who defeats Rose Quartz, complete with glory from the Diamonds (and her own pearl). And really, this is one of the things the show is all about.

The flaws of practically every character in Steven Universe come down to the dichotomy between insecurity and overconfidence. At a glance, we can read our heroes as insecure and our villains as overconfident (Pearl and Amethyst good, Jasper and Kevin bad), but the actual lesson is that everyone has insecurities, and overconfidence is more often than not a reaction to it. As we learn more about our smug villains, we see the shortcomings that drive that smugness, and only then can Steven bridge the gap towards friendship. Heck, Garnet is the only truly confident Crystal Gem, and while I wouldn’t quite call her smug, at her worst she evokes the ice cold certainty of Sapphire more than the exposed nerve of Ruby. Like our villains, she begins as a mysterious figure, and her arc in Act II involves letting her Ruby out to become more balanced: she better understands her insecure family by embracing the uncertainty within, and uses this growth to reach out and help an insecure enemy understand her in Log Date 7 15 2.

Garnet might seem to have her act together compared to the other Crystal Gems, but let’s not forget that the emotionally healthiest character in the series is Greg Universe. He’s overconfident in flashbacks, but in the present is at peace with his shortcomings and happy with what he has without needing to compensate. He mourns Rose, but converts this grief into a celebration of his son’s life. Greg isn’t as dynamic a character as the rest because he’s already figured the important things out; he has his missteps, but his core is consistent and largely unchanging, even when he stumbles upon life-changing wealth. Steven tries to be like Rose throughout the series, but it’s not for nothing that Change Your Mind ties self-acceptance to sitting on the beach with a guitar.

I know I’m talking big picture here in terms of the characters and the series, but there’s not much to discuss about Bubbled at the surface level: it’s the misadventure of two enemies that sours to a breaking point, followed by a rescue. It’s actually a pretty slow bottle episode, consisting of a few long conversations broken up by two action sequences, and ending with another conversation. It’s similar in structure to Open Book and Gem Hunt, but far starker than either.

So the big picture is what matters when discussing Bubbled, because it’s a story about how Steven’s inner demons manifest, and will continue to manifest for the rest of the series. After all, Steven himself began as an overconfident kid, rushing into situations he wasn’t ready for and annoyed with not being considered a peer. He becomes far more tolerable after Steven and the Stevens, when he takes this attitude down a few notches and starts trying in earnest to catch up instead of looking for shortcuts or assuming he’s already there whenever anything goes right. But his insecurity is also clear, and now we get to really dig into the unique way this affects his character after examining how other insecurities affect other characters.

Amethyst’s insecurity raises her defenses like a pufferfish. Pearl’s insecurity makes her insensitive to the needs of others. Ruby’s insecurity compels her to verbalize her own worthlessness (while Sapphire radiates confidence and is only insecure when her signature ability to be secure in the future is disrupted). Connie’s insecurity drives her to prove her worth to others. Peridot’s insecurity causes her to belittle others to make herself seem bigger. Lapis’s insecurity magnifies her suffering and minimizes the good. Bismuth’s insecurity inspires her to overcommit to a righteous cause. Sadie’s insecurity lets people walk all over her until she snaps. Lars’s insecurity makes him a huge jerk. And Steven’s insecurity fuels a martyr complex that’s cranked up to life-threatening heights in Act III.

The most important choice Steven makes in Bubbled is a mind-numbingly stupid one: to tell Eyeball that he’s Rose Quartz, and to then do everything in his power to convince her. Eyeball is the reason he learned Rose shattered Pink Diamond, and she has given every indication that she despises Rose for this, and she’s an especially aggressive member of an aggressive team made of Gems designed to be aggressive. Steven’s reveal comes after Eyeball has made it explicit that her lingering hatred of Rose is the reason she even came to Earth. He’s alone in space with someone who will try to hurt him if she thought he was Rose (and who already wants to hurt him), and he has proven throughout Act II that he’s neither dumb nor naive enough to not understand the likely outcome here. But he says he’s Rose anyway, because he’s so obsessed with helping people that he's willing to put his own safety at risk just to cheer up an enemy.

There are other reasons I think it makes sense for him to make such an obvious mistake. He’s definitely in shock, but he’s also grumpy and takes Eyeball’s disbelief as a challenge. This is an irrational decision made by someone who isn’t in a rational state of mind. But this only makes it more compelling that his gut instinct, the essence of Steven that emerges from this emotional turmoil, is to help someone else. We’ve already had a whole episode about balancing the needs of others with the needs of yourself in Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service, but remember, that episode ends with Steven falling asleep standing up, because he ignored his own health to help Kiki learn that lesson.

Steven’s greatest strength creates his greatest weakness. He’s empathetic and sensitive, and can do amazing things because of it, but he needs to value himself as much as he values everyone around him. Act III sees him stumble and scramble through more trying times than ever, and until Connie finally calls him out on it, he compounds his troubles with his self-sacrificial mindset. He’s not suicidal by any stretch, but he decides his own needs are irrelevant when others need help, which ironically makes him more selfish than ever as he determines that he and he alone can save the day and stop his friends from getting hurt. And even when the cosmic scale fades away, his obsession with helping others to distract from himself becomes the driving conflict of Steven Universe Future.

Eyeball works wonders as a foil: she opposes Steven, but isn’t savvy enough to manipulate him on purpose, so his error is both obvious and unforced. Telling her that he’s Rose Quartz needs to say more about him than about the person he’s telling, and Eyeball is just flat enough of a character that she doesn’t steal his spotlight.

Charlyne Yi once again kills it, and little moments do personalize Eyeball further, even if it’s nothing groundbreaking. The biggest, in my mind, is commanding Steven to “find cover, soldier!” as asteroids approach, despite their antagonistic relationship: her instinct to act as a team trumps her personal disdain for Steven, and while he assumes later that the two are bonding, this is as close as I think she actually gets to reciprocating. We see her get annoyed at being called Eyeball, which is a nice and reasonable gripe from a character whose gripes we tend to disagree with. And I love that her weapon is less of a knife and more of a shiv, with a squared edge that implies she’s got a really strong stabbing arm.

Like I said, she’s still flat—we may see her quirks here, but she doesn’t change at all over the course of the episode and we already knew she was a proud warrior Gem with a stubborn streak—but it works. It’s weird to use “flat” as a compliment, but I do mean it as such. She isn’t the real villain here, and “defeating” her feels more like failure than victory: Mindful Education hammers home that this is the third enemy Gem in a row that Steven couldn’t help, no matter how hard he tried.

While Bubbled feels pretty slow, it helps that the whole thing is beautiful to look at. The opening shot of Steven tumbling through space from his own point of view gets us right into the game, and the loneliness and sheer terror of his situation is highlighted with gorgeous, silent shots of space. Steven is processing a huge shift in perspective, and the setting reflects the magnitude of his new reality.

And then, to add an auditory counterpart to the visual story, his rescue is punctuated by Rebecca Sugar finally finishing Love Like You.

The song has played over the closing credits since the beginning of the series, using a variety of instruments before the lyrics trickled in. An acoustic version accompanies the end of Ocean Gem, as Steven celebrates with the humans and the Gems discuss what Lapis’s escape means for the future. A haunting reprise, unrecognizable at first while Steven struggles to find himself, joins the end credits for Act III. And wouldn’t you know, it’s a song about insecurity.

When I first heard Love Like You, and for years after, I was convinced that it was sung by Rose. Rebecca Sugar herself said that it wasn’t written with a particular character in mind, but nope, for me it was definitely about Rose. She’s singing to Greg about how she wants to capable of loving the way humans can, and Steven is the result of the conversation. And I still think that reading stands, and that it matters, but songs can be about more than one thing.

This is the third of four songs that encapsulate the two big lessons I take from Steven Universe. Strong in the Real Way reconstructs the notion of what true strength is, and alongside Stronger Than You, we’re told that what matters most is doing the right thing and being a good person, even when it’s hard, and that healthy relationships (romantic, familial, platonic, whatever) help make this possible.

Love Like You and our fourth big song, Change Your Mind, similarly work as a duo: where the Strong Songs are about the importance of relationships to emotional strength, Love Like You and Change Your Mind address how we as individuals can be strong in the real way. It’s important to have healthy relationships, but it’s also important to love yourself, and Love Like You is about that second part: the most loving network in the world can’t fix your insecurity if you’re unable to see yourself the way your loved ones do.

As Love Like You plays in the background, with the first non-diegetic lyrics we’ve heard in the series, Steven is finally told the truth. Garnet is right that Steven’s mother would have done anything for Earth, and while the details of her misdeeds are hazy at this point, the result is the same. Steven can no longer look to his mother as a paragon of virtue, and even though the Crystal Gems love him, they can’t fix this new problem, especially if their secrecy is part of the problem. They think the world of Steven, and now it’s up to him to see that he can do about anything. He could even learn how to love.

Future Vision!

Eyeball knows Rose Quartz not by her shield, but her sword. And we know Eyeball witnessed the “shattering” of Pink Diamond. And we know that Rose’s sword was built to not harm a Gem’s gem. Hints abound.

The chase around the bubble ends because Steven stops and wonders aloud what would happen if his gem was taken. It’s the first time the subject is broached on the show. It isn’t the last.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

Bubbled touches on major themes of the series, but in a bubble on its own, the glacial pace hinders the storytelling. This is a great finale, but it’s not that great of a solitary episode. I like it fine, there are a lot of great things about it (the art in particular), but I don’t rank this one very high by itself.

Top Twenty

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Earthlings

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Bismuth

When It Rains

Catch and Release

Chille Tid

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Monster Reunion

Alone at Sea

Crack the Whip

Beta

Back to the Moon

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Greg the Babysitter

Gem Hunt

Steven vs. Amethyst

Bubbled

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

No Thanks!

5. Horror Club 4. Fusion Cuisine 3. House Guest 2. Sadie’s Song 1. Island Adventure

#bubbled #steven universe #su #steven universally #review

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qm-vox · 5 years

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So You Want To Play A Wizened

(Artwork depicting the fuckmothering Rook provided by cantankerousAquarius, character provided by me. Meet him in New Avalon.)

Previous article: So You Want To Play A Beast.

Chaos reigns in the kingdoms of Man, and the kingdoms of Arcadia are no different. There is an inherent unfairness in trauma and abuse, and in the depredations of evil. They can happen to anyone at all, for any reason, for no reason. It’s not the victims’ fault, and not in the victims’ control, and sadly of the vast collection of Anyone At All it can happen to, Not Many can call themselves survivors.

The Lost know the Not Many, and call them the Wizened. They did nothing to deserve this, not even by the arcane laws of the Fae and the twisting treacheries of the Wyrd, but it happened to them, and they became one of the rare few to survive and see their Homecoming. It’s rarely the joyous moment they were looking for. The Wizened that comes back is not the Anyone At All who left.

This article draws primarily on Changeling: the Lost, as well as Winter Masques and Swords at Dawn. It discusses some content from Rites of Spring. It requires Content Warnings for depictions of torture, maiming, and abuse.

The Invisible People - Wizened Overview

Wizened is the very last Seeming presented in Changeling: the Lost, and joins Beast as one of the most commonly represented in the writing and worldbuilding, if not necessarily in terms of characters with statistics (but check out Auntie Ally and Jack o’ the Lantern in Night Horrors: Grim Fears). The Wizened were taken for spite, tormented for spite’s sake, and turned loose to rebuild something like a life when spite grew cold - and the legacy of that spite has made them twisted and small. More than many other Lost, to be Wizened is to know that you suffered a great loss, that you have been robbed and cheated of some piece of your humanity, and to try and live a life that can compensate for that loss. For almost all of them, the trades and skills that became their salvation first from torment, and then from Arcadia, become part of who they are and one of the bright and shining points in their lives. It cuts both ways: in identifying so strongly with their functions, all too many Wizened are reduced to those functions by their fellow Lost.

Jack and Jill Went Up The Hill - Homecoming As A Wizened

Far, far more people will experience the opening stages of their transformation into Wizened than will survive those transformations, and more will change than will make it home. The fact that Wizened tend to be intelligent, clever, good with their hands, and fast on the draw is less about what kind of people become Wizened - anyone could become Wizened, for no reason at all - and more about the qualities needed to survive and outwit the captivity to which Wizened are subjected. The grim truth of it is, those who are too slow, too incurious, or too afraid of pain and death die, and they never make it home.

The Durance of a Wizened can generally be divided into two stages: torture and apprenticeship. Those who will one day be Wizened are subject to the terrible, unfurled glory of Fae malice and Fae cruelty without limit or relief. The things done to them beggar belief: in one Domain, human captives are crucified to trees of moonsilver that leech out their living blood and replace it with boiling acid. In caverns beneath the tainted earth, kidnapped children flee screaming from spider-wolves that lay their eggs in the warm and living bodies of humans, humans that do not die when the filthy things erupt in a shower of gore and broken bone. Long-limbed Greys perform surgeries with advanced machines and not a drop of painkiller, sustaining their victims with magic as they are turned from something human into something like the Greys themselves; a sinister Whistling Witch maintains an elaborate diorama of her domain, using the poppets that represent her slaves to wrack their living bodies with a million kinds of agony. Fae magic sustains the would-be Wizened far past human limits when normally their bodies would give them the mercy of unconsciousness or the peace of death. Some never leave this stage - they are discarded into worse, permanent tortures meant to serve as decorations or warnings - and others are killed when they grow boring to their abusers. But some survive.

Those who, by chance or by the intervention of their fellow captives, escape the tortures they are condemned to are put to work in the Domain of their Keeper. This is only rarely in a trade the person knew before being kidnapped (and when that does happen it’s likely complete coincidence); the Fae decides they need someone to clean floors, cook food, crack the whip against their other slaves, build the bodies of Fetches, construct elaborate golems of stained glass, or whatever else their Keeper can think of. The Wizened are only rarely directly trained in this new skill by their Keepers, instead being left to the management of their fellow slaves and goblin taskmasters. After a living eternity of torture and trauma, even glass-tipped whips are almost mild by comparison, and the Wizened learn to do their jobs, keep their heads down, and excel without being noticed. Their trade becomes how they relate to Arcadia, encouraging the Wizened to pay attention to their environment, to learn more about their physical space and its properties, to see the beauty and wonder amidst the horror and fear. There are worse coping mechanisms; this focus on their work and the way their work can help them relate to the world around them isn’t just the key to a Wizened’s escape, it’s the instinct that helps them find beauty in hidden places and utility in disregarded things back in the Iron Lands.

Wizened generally don’t have a problem with wanting to escape. After enduring the unendurable and then being consigned to slave labor, rare is the formerly mortal person whose first and brightest desire is not to be Anywhere But Here. The escapes themselves can be elaborate and dramatic, and the tail end of a Wizened’s tattered recollections of Arcadia can be full of memories of crashing space ships, revolutions in cities of chrome towers, or riding roughshod over hobgoblin soldiers from the back of the wolf-spiders that once tormented her. Wizened are among those Lost most likely to collaborate with their fellow captives to escape, either because their clever plans require it or because someone else’s clever plan requires the Wizened. Memories of the friends and allies that helped them make it to their Homecoming fade along with everything else when the Wizened get back home, but for those who acquire such memories again as their Wyrd rises reconnecting with their former fellows can be a powerful event.

A lot of Wizened were in the wrong place at the wrong time when they were Taken. No one (least of all the Wizened themselves) likes to talk about it, but many of those who achieve their Homecoming were isolated before they were Taken, existing a half-step out of their own social circles with few friends. Memories of those friendships and those special places in the new Wizened’s life can be enough to call them home, but what happens after isn’t always a joyous reunion. Wizened are among those Lost with a high incidence of abandoning the traces of their former mortal life entirely, either because the idea of trying to fit in with mortals whose respect they crave is too terrifying, or because hindsight has made them realize that those connections were not what they once thought they were. Left to their own devices, some Wizened associate exclusively with other Lost, and they can be overlooked enough for others to just let that happen. In healthier Freeholds, though, their friends (or monarchs, if need be) drag the Wizened out and about to at least some public events, often those that match the Wizened’s hobbies and trades.

Every Man Jack - Wizened Kiths

The magical bonds which Wizened have in common show a curious contrast between being very subtle and very obvious. Wizened can’t ‘flare’ the way many other Seemings can; there are no skills or attributes which they can spend Glamour on, but all Wizened can enhance their Dexterity for great lengths of time for only a single point of Glamour - they offer up a token shard of power and become faster, more nimble, more agile, for anything such grace can buy them. When it comes to dipping out of a bad scene there’s few that can match the Wizened for sheer “fuck this shit I’m out”, and those same talents are also great in a kitchen, on the operating table, or when picking locks and solving puzzles. Their ability to enhance their Dodge is similar in nature, though not in execution thanks to the vicissitudes of how World of Darkness handles its combat.

On the flip side, the curse of the Wizened is quite obvious. Their lack of Presence and their penalty to untrained social skills manifests as a sort of diminishing. Some of it is magical, but much of it is a reaction to trauma. Too often, Wizened associate attention with pain, fear, and torture, so they do their best not to draw that attention - they keep their heads down, speak softly or not at all, wear neutral colors, lose themselves in their work. Physical touches, eye contact, and invasions of the Wizened’s personal space are often too emotionally ‘loud’ for them, sparking a fearful response that might turn violent if they can’t retreat or the person bothering them won’t back off. To put it bluntly, Wizened suffer from many of the classic outward symptoms of autism, PTSD, or both, symptoms that may not have been part of their life before their Durance. The fallout is far-reaching; society is not always or even often kind to the ways Wizened try to feel comfortable or manage their fears.

The end result is that at times Wizened look like they have much more of their shit together than they actually do because they structure their day (and their life, for that matter) to carefully husband their spoons. Those who catch a Wizened standing in a corner at a formal event like the Spring Revel didn’t get to see him working up the courage to go in the first place at home, carefully leaving at the optimal time to avoid traffic and crowds as best he could, stagger into the bathroom to change clothes (and steal a nip of whiskey to settle his nerves), pray for the peace of death in front of the mirror and then finally arrive. Even when Wizened deliberately seek attention - such as when they’re trying to intimidate someone, or make their voice heard - the fear and discomfort shine through, stealing the thunder from their words, cracking their voices, making their bodies shake like leaves. Quite a few Wizened end up joining Summer or Winter not because they can’t live without the structures those Courts provide, but because those structures and the strict rules involved let them be part of a society on their own terms, without having to constantly try to leave their comfort zones only to be derided as being stupid, callous, or unpleasant.

As already alluded to, Wizened Kiths and their function are the same. It can be easy to surmise that this means that a Wizened’s Kith is not part of their nature the way a Beast’s or Elemental’s is, but that line of thinking is wrong; for weal or for woe, a Wizened’s trade is bound to them not just by education or by joy, but by the Wyrd. It is forged into their fate. As a result, Wizened tend to be defined by their Kiths almost as much as by Seeming; Kithless Wizened are rare (and should be nonexistent since Drudge got printed in Winter Masques, y’all got no excuse).

Some expanded thoughts on individual Wizened Kiths follow.

Artist - The big swinging dick of Wizened Kiths and the one that several other Kiths are arguably “this, but worse”. It’s not just the fact that World of Darkness has a relationship to the Craft skill that is strange at best (strictly speaking dots in Crafts can be applied to all kinds of crafting at all times, something you’d think the writers might not have been aware of if they didn’t explicitly talk about this being why Freeholds are so fucking erect for Artists in Swords at Dawn), though that’s certainly a factor, it’s that Kiths like Smith and Brewer that are also supposed to be about the act of creation are so much better represented here. Artist’s Blessing can take some creativity to use as a PC, but with how broad it is and how many concept it’s applicable to you might as well consider it for any given Wizened character you’re intending to make. Dual Kith may be your friend here if you feel the need to focus down further.

Brewer - Speak of the devil. Have you ever thought to yourself, “Gee, I’d like to be a Venombite, but I’d also like to eat shit and die every time I try to use my Kith Blessing. How can I do that?” Then Brewer might be for you! For the rest of us this is honestly one of the game’s most frustrating Kiths, especially after Winter Masques gave it hints of alchemical themeing that it’s just not capable of following through on. It gets somewhat better at higher Wyrd, but Brewer never stops being incredibly niche and gated at multiple points of failure. Grit your teeth and make an Artist.

Chatelaine - The social Wizened Kith. No, really. No, really. Wizened represent servants and laborers to the Fae, and in that context, Chatelaines are the butlers and key-keepers, the creepy manservants, and the enforcers of social etiquette. This Kith is notably different from its closest peer (Riddleseeker Beasts) in that it’s genuinely potent in its social role in a broad variety of situations; Chatelaines can genuinely compete with Fairest and Beasts in matters of protocol, formality, and the gatherings that consider those important. Additionally, they can boost their Presence and Manipulation dice pools, making them capable of attempting firm social interaction even outside of that context. Wanna play a loyal second-in-command or an evil vizier? Enjoy super dramatic parties? Consider this Kith.

Chirurgeon - Voted Most Likely To Not Be Recognized By Your Spellcheck ten years running, Chirurgeons are a prized skill set that can, in themselves, shift Freehold politics by the bare fact of existing. Lost often have to turn to street doctors (where and when they exist, that is) to get lifesaving treatment or even normal medical care, but a sawbones with Hedge scars doesn’t just understand the supernatural injuries the Lost can bring home, they won’t feel obligated to report gunshots or stabbings to the police. Having the loyalty of such a doctor can make for a powerful tool for whichever Court she chooses to call home, and she’ll rarely lack for work. In terms of the aesthetic, while Chirurgeons trend towards the ‘alien abductions’ end of the Lost experience, there’s some strong arguments to be made for Igor-like figures, spindly goblin cutters with gimlet eyes, or even slasher-like figures who slipped through the shadows of murderous Fae, stealing the organs they needed to survive just one more day.

Oracle - Common Sense is a god-awful Merit, which is a shame because the concept of Oracles is both classically Wizened and a powerful archetype in itself. Oracles, as noted in Winter Masques, are rarely made on purpose: they steal, learn, or trade for the power of panomancy and utilize it to escape. Unfortunately I can’t really suggest this in good conscience. Invest in Hearth and Omen and play a Drudge.

Smith - Our second “this is Artist” Kith. Smith’s blessing is, well, it’s bad. It’s not Brewer bad, but it has a significant cost in time and Resources (since it can only be used three times ever on something you end up cycling through things) and eats up your Kith slot without really paying back what those things cost. The imagery of the Kith is cool, but ultimately “makes things with their hands” is what Artist is and Smith can’t compete in that niche.

Soldier - In some ways Soldier is the opposite of Smith and the brother to Chatelaine; made into the faceless ranks of Fae armies, soldiers embody the trauma of battle, the madness of war, and the long road home that does not end simply because one has arrived where home is. Unfortunately their Blessing, Blade Lore, is both lackluster and strangely counterinuitive; Blade Lore doesn’t stack with any other specialization, which means that Soldiers are penalized for investing in Weaponry in a way that others aren’t. Blade Lore lets them use unusual weapons without penalty, but unusual weapons also mean unusual attention. Talk to your Storyteller about the Soldier blessing and see if you can’t work it in another direction (personally, I feel like this Kith could have been Wizened’s Truefriend or Playmate).

Woodwalker - Compared to its closest peers (Woodblood and Farwalker), Woodwalker’s Blessing is niche and harder to make dramatically relevant, but when you need to roll Survival you’re probably going to succeed - and anyone who’s watched The Princess Bride has at least some ideas on how to make use of being immune to plant-based poisons. The broader issue is that while Woodwalkers sorta represent gardeners and wood-dwelling hermits in a way Artist struggles to, their niche is done a lot better by those same peers, and as a result Woodwalker concepts can feel awkward and overshadowed.

Author - Though on the weaker end of Kith blessings, Authors have the distinction of clarifying the skill used for writing endeavors and also for being surprisingly good at in-demand skills such as the creation or decoding of ciphers and translating mortal languages. An Author’s mere existence might get them the attention of the Winter Court and offers of work (and/or bribes and threats to stay out of Winter’s business), and in a roundabout way they can serve as an indirect translator and interpreter for the Freehold as well, presuming their clients know how to read and write.

Drudge - The reason Kithless Wizened no longer exist; Drudges are Wizened sentenced to menial labor who do not learn a fairy trade. In terms of folklore, they inherit the place of brownies, domovoi, and the like, and in the game they’re sorta “Wizened does Darkling”. Drudge is somewhat redundant, since the Brownie’s Boon merit exists, but the 9-again on Stealth (especially if you can combine it with the Wizened blessing to get down to 8-again) is real nice, and saving the dots on Brownie’s Boon might be worth it for another Merit that fits your concept better. Drudge is a Kith I have a lot of personal fondness for, and in a way its nature makes it the quintessential Wizened experience.

Gameplayer - My absolute favorite Wizened Kith, Gameplayers are people who, you know, play games. Its Blessing, the Grandmaster’s Strategem, is highly situational but incredibly potent in that context. The sheer aesthetics of being a game piece or a grandmaster player are amazing, and thematically they’re great in a lot of places; Wizened as odd loners, Wizened as schemers and manipulators, even Wizened as sorcerers (their Blessing ties directly into Contracts of the Board in a really useful way). Just keep in mind that you’re going to have to be pro-active about that Blessing if you wanna see it do its work.

Miner - Wizened does Whisperwisp. Miner is kinda in the same boat as Gameplayer in that their Blessing is situational but handy in that situation, and the sheer range on it is amazing. Still, though, you can probably represent this with Drudge and call it a day.

Cut-Price Magic And Bargain Bin Deals - Wizened Contracts

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Hey Vox, why didn’t Beast have a Contracts section?” I’ll tell you why: Wizened got fucked twice with no lube before White Wolf finally, three supplements in, gave them a real god damn Contract (Contracts of the Forge, in Rites of Spring, one of the coolest and most thematic Contracts ever printed for Lost) so now we have to talk about this.

The associated Contracts for Wizened are Artifice, Animation, and Forge. Forge is great and we’re not gonna talk about it because it’s not the problem here. Artifice can be taken down to about three dot (Blessing of Perfection) but two dots is going to be more common; it has high costs, high time requirements, and deeply niche applications. You could leave that as it stands and just only dip into it if you want to use it, or, you can remove Artifice as a Contract entirely and reassign the Contract of Hours to the Wizened as an affinity Contract in its place. Hours does the same things that Artifice’s early Clauses do (but better, since they’re appropriately costed) while having strong links to the thematics of Wizened both as craftspeople and in folklore.

Animation’s issues are more endemic and the Contract itself is essentially useless. Chuck this entirely and instead, share Contracts of Communion with Elementals (similar to how Wild is shared between Elementals and Beasts). Communion fills Animation’s niche entirely. To drive home the thematic difference, give your Wizened odd “elements” for Communion; instead of something like, say, Communion (Wood), try Communion (Portals) - your Wizened can talk to doors and windows. Evoke some of that “sorcerer’s apprentice” feeling.

Find Your Calling - Wizened in the Courts

Wizened define themselves by the professions they’ve become supernaturally skilled at, and those same skills make them resources to their Courts. Controlling access to the skills of an Artist or Chirurgeon can, at times, be the cause of a Hedgefire War (Swords at Dawn), to say nothing of more specific cases like Autumn’s desire to court prophets or Winter’s need to ensure that Authors are not used against them. The skills that a Wizened bring to the table are often essential, especially in the context of the damaged access that the Lost can have to medical care, financial aid, home repair, and proper tools. Who makes the adjustments the Spring Court needs to their bar? Probably a Wizened. Who sweeps and scrubs down the Freehold Commons and decorates it for every event? Probably Wizened. Who builds the flintlocks, repairs the crossbows, sharpens the swords, forges the armor? Wizened do. Every Wizened that can fill an internal role in this way is a service the Freehold doesn’t have to acquire illegally, and thus at risk to themselves or in competition with other, potentially violently criminal, elements.

Though Wizened are valued in these roles, they aren’t often appreciated. Their Seeming Curse can make them come off as rude and unlikable, making interactions with their clients tense and stressful at best for both sides. The nature of Wizened work is that it’s noticed most when it stops, and that can be a frustrating and uneven relationship to have in a Wizened’s life, especially given their great difficulty in asserting themselves and speaking up for themselves. Sometimes, a Wizened ends up in a Court with self-aware leadership, or with the friendship of someone in a position to mitigate these problems, but that’s not all Freeholds or all Wizened, and the resulting trend is notable enough to color how the Wizened are seen, and see their peers in turn.

The Wizened, like Beasts, tend to engage with their Courts on practical terms, though the relationship is not identical. It’s not that Wizened don’t or can’t have an appreciation for the high ideology of their Courts (and with time to calm down and start to come to grips with their new lives, many Wizened will begin to engage on that ideology), but rather that finding their own functions was one of the first positive transformative experiences in the Wizened’s life as one of the Lost. Finding their function was relief from unspeakable torment, and it shapes a function-first worldview that follows the Wizened into the political and religious society that are the Courts. When Summer says “we’re for protecting the Freehold” and Winter says “we’re for making the money” the Wizened take those Courts at their word.

For somewhat obvious reasons, Wizened leaders and officers tend to be rare, though they’re not unheard of, especially in Summer and Winter where the internal culture can de-emphasize sheer Presence in favor of protocol, set social standards, and a chain of command. More commonly, Wizened solve logistics or money problems for their Courts, with a strong side of work in breaking-and-entering, security, and the odd assassination depending on the Court and the Wizened in question. In the overall Freehold, Wizened are often among the first to volunteer as secondary combatants when they aren’t members of Summer and the first to leap to the common defense, as well as participate in rituals such as the Ashen Hunt. For too many, Arcadia was a place of unending pain, and the need to feel as if they will never go back is strong.

Spring - Wizened are not natural joiners of Spring, and almost never join it as their first Court. Spring’s anarchic nature, combined with its strong emphasis on social skills, dramatic expression, and bombastic personalities is a perfect storm of “things Wizened often do not fucking like”. For those that do join, generally after some time to calm their shit in another Court, it’s for Spring’s promise of renewal and growth; Wizened might never quite be movers and shakers in the Emerald Court, rare exceptions aside, but in Spring many can find the peace they’ve been seeking.

Summer - The Court of Wrath offers a lot to the Wizened, and for many it may be their first Court or their second (Wizened, like many freshly escaped Lost, are often early Winter joiners). Its clearly defined chain of command, stated culture of brotherhood, and clarity of purpose - a purpose that helps soothe the fears of recapture that haunt many Wizened - have a powerful appeal, and it isn’t like Summer’s lust for people to handle logistics, draw up tactics, build defensive fortifications, and practice sorcery isn’t equally powerful. Summer is also the Court most likely to initiate violence over access to a Wizened’s talents, which can lead to awkward situations all around, to say nothing of the potential body counts.

Autumn - Autumn is the strident exception to the general rule that Wizened join Courts for practical reasons and relate to them practically, and that can be put down entirely to the promise of Autumn: the power to make peace with your own fears. So much of what the Wizened are and what they do is defined by fears, not just of going back to the Fairest of Lands (but yes, oh yes, very much that), but the fears of the things they remember and so many more they don’t; rare is the Wizened without questions like “why do I break down crying when cats come close to me?” or “why can’t I listen to violin music any more?”. Autumn understands. Autumn has the power to help. And for Wizened with powerful, all-defining fears, the promise of relief from their own terror can be stronger than politics, friendship, or even healing.

Winter - Many Lost dally with Winter for a few months or even a year or two when they first have their Homecoming, and Wizened are hardly an exception. Scared and often not inclined to direct confrontation, Wizened find Winter’s MO and ideals appealing. Why court trouble? Why get involved in breaking shit and making a mess? Though many Lost will leave the Coldest Court, Wizened are among the most likely to stay, in part because their talents are useful in Winter but in main because Winter’s culture is very comfortable and comforting to them. Those among the Wizened who seek to move up in its halls of power do eventually need to learn to cope with social situations and interface with their fellow Courtiers, but even then that’s easier in Winter than it might be elsewhere. Chances are if you find a Wizened with a crown on her head, she belongs to the Silent Arrow.

Broken And Betrayed - Wizened And Changeling’s Themes

In some ways it could be said that Wizened are The Lost Experience, Just More. Ogres are shaped by violence; Wizened, too, are the victims of violence. The Wizened being forced into a trade mirrors how Fairest are made to feel complicit in their own captivity. Darklings lie, sneak, or manipulate as first instincts; so too do Wizened strive to avoid notice and maintain control over their own feelings. Elementals often can’t understand why the people around them do what they do and feel what they feel, and Wizened often can’t articulate their own comprehension of these topics. Even Beasts see themselves reflected in the invisible ranks, as these two Seemings share the quality of being Anyone At All. Everyone sees unsettling reminders of their own Durance in the Wizened, and this constant, uncomfortable presence informs some of the prejudice that Wizened can face when they return to the mortal world and try to build their new lives.

More than other Seemings, Wizened tend to embody shattering, violent traumas for which there can never truly be closure. They may not have known who their Keeper was or why they were taken (if indeed there was any reason at all). Their traumas may not even really have anything to do with their Keeper so much as the horrific systems perpetuated in whatever Domain twisted them and made them small. The hunched-over survivor of a factory the size of a world doesn’t know about its owner; she knows about machines oiled in blood, assembly lines that churn out cursed Tokens and twisted pledges, the horrible agony of dying, mangled, in a mechanism only to come back to life again and again until you are found. Why was she taken? Does it matter?

It doesn’t. Wizened are the victims of faceless, oppressive systems which serve the Fae, strongly mirroring those whose lives are destroyed by similar faceless, oppressive systems in society, with some of the metaphors being so thin that they’re essentially not metaphors at all. The only real difference between a Soldier who comes home with balefire burns and a quicksilver prosthetic and a young man in real life who goes to war to pay for college only to return too broken to cope is the fact that one of them is fictional and the other is probably someone you know. An Artist with needles thrust through her skin and sewn patches of cloth used to replace flesh that’s been flayed away doesn’t know how to sleep properly any more; her bursts of creativity and long bouts of depression and insomnia mirror workers driven to the edge by a need to take on longer hours and accept inconsistent schedules just to survive. The horrific burn scars that mar a Brewer’s flesh might be misunderstood by mortals as an accident with cooking oil, boiling water, or even welding equipment. Wizened stand in for the innocent people whose blood oils the mechanisms of oppressive systems and unjust economics.

Much of Wizened as a seeming is heavily autistic-coded and/or anxiety-coded; they have great difficulty in social situations, shy away from emotional contact, have trouble coping with overstimulation and physical proximity. This can make them very attractive for portraying an autistic character, but Wizened as a Seeming lacks a certain fundamental trait of the autistic experience: they, generally speaking, have an idea of Why People Do The Thing. Does this mean you can’t or shouldn’t use Wizened to represent an autistic character? Not necessarily, but given how well Elemental’s mechanics mirror the experience (more on them in their own article) that might be a better option for you. What Wizened go through in-setting emphasizes skills like Empathy that are used to survive their circumstances, and on awareness of the people around them.

Wizened are excellent for representing the consequences of extended abuse that makes someone anxious and inclined to retreat, back down, and question themselves. They tend to be among the most self-aware of the Lost; Wizened know what they’re afraid of and why, what their triggers are, and embody the unfortunate truth that self-awareness is not a cure. The flashbacks still come, the shakes and sweats, the dreams of mechanical trees, and knowing why won’t fix that. Wizened can very easily embody the conflict between a desire to be part of society, to have intimate friendships and a sense of belonging, versus the fears that can be triggered by those same desires.

I Owe, I Owe, It’s Off To Work I Go - Coping As A Wizened

The push-pull at the heart of life as a Wizened is finding a way to participate in society without having constant anxiety attacks and nervous breakdowns. Even the most sullen and withdrawn Wizened who genuinely dislikes all other people has a trade they enjoy practicing, after all, and such a trade requires customers - either those willing to come to you in your home, or those willing to come to you at a place of business - to say nothing of needing to semi-regularly travel to and from Freehold gatherings.

A Wizened, then works to structure his life in a way that helps service these needs. The first and most important consideration is the right place to live; Wizened join Fairest in being some of the Lost most likely to live with other people in the same space (such as with roommates, or in a group setting such as an apartment building), but a Wizened needs a safe place to retreat to. The sanctity of a Wizened’s workshop or especially bedroom is absolutely paramount, and they may react poorly, even violently, to those who do not respect that space. The location of the Wizened’s home is also important; is it in a crowded or loud neighborhood, or one with a high influx of strangers or tourists? What’s its distance from the non-home places the Wizened will go to regularly, and what are the travel options to do that? Is it defensible, easily escaped from, or both? Wizened are among those Lost most inclined to dig in and settle long-term, so quite a lot of thought will go into these decisions; it’s not necessarily uncommon to find Wizened living in Winter’s housing for some time, paying appropriate rents while they deliberate and plan.

Once one of the Wizened has established their own space, they tend to maintain control over it. Some of that is just daily ritual; activities keeping their room clean and neat, polishing and maintaining their tools, organizing their entertainments, pre-preparing meals or elements of meals, and decorating can be soothing, especially during times of stress, because they form concrete actions that establish control over one’s own space. Safety and fear factor into it as well - a controlled and organized environment is easier to keep track of, and if something is amiss it’s easier to get ready for whatever is coming. That same tight-ship operation generally extends to the workplace, where the Wizened does their job with exacting standards that they expect out of their peers as well.

Beyond control over their personal environment, Wizened tend to establish routines, again carefully crafted to help husband their spoons and lessen emotional stress. Though most know too well that habits can get a man killed, those same habits also enable them to live their lives at all. Disturbances in those routines can be highly stressful, or even misinterpreted as signs of a threat (or correctly interpreted as signs of a threat...) but in main it’s a positive reaction. Wizened know they can’t control a chaotic world, but they can control themselves, and taking those extra steps can help them as they integrate into their new society. They can’t make what happened to them unhappen, but they can come to terms.

Sample Wizened - Dancin’ Danny Daniels, Winter Miner

Page “Dancin’” Danny Daniels is a youngblood scion of Winter, barely a year into his new life but already promising to go places in the Coldest Court. The magic of his Tappingspeak sees a lot of messenger work pushed Danny’s way, but so do his skills in digging and construction; secret basements, cellar expansions, and clandestine passageways all serve Winter’s interests, and though he can’t always personally supervise the projects (Winter must keep its secrets), his Court pays him well for advice and consultation.

Danny got his nickname from the way he breaks into nervous dancing whenever he hears loud, snapping sounds - gunshots, firecrackers, backed-up cars, it goes off and there Danny goes, feet tapping, breaking out in sweat, terror in his eyes. He can be hard to get a hold of during holiday seasons known for their fireworks (and this public knowledge of his vulnerability is a soft mark on his record in the eyes of Winter), though that’s not the thing people gossip about. No, the talk of the Freehold when it comes to Dancin’ Danny Daniels is this: if he’s so afraid of guns, why does Winter’s up-and-comer carry around a vintage revolver with “D.D” carved into the grip?

As with all of my articles, I welcome questions, comments, discussion, feedback, and criticisms. Please, feel free to reblog if you’re feelin’ it!

Next up: Elementals

#Changeling: the Lost #Seemings #RPG #Wizened #abuse #trauma #torture #autism

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athyrabunlord · 6 years

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LLSHP 20 - Our Story

Arc1: [Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7]

Arc2: [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9] [Chapter 10] [Chapter 11] [Chapter 12] [Chapter 13] [Chapter 14]

Arc3: [Chapter 15] [Chapter 16] [Chapter 17] [Chapter 18] [Chapter 19] [Chapter 20] [Chapter 21 (TBD)]

Interludes: [Carbonado (1)] [Carbonado (2)] [Of Feathers and Wind] [Delphinus (teaser blip)]

[Brief note about School Term] [other LLSHP AU stuff] [YohaMaRuby concept arts] [ChikaYouRiko concept arts] [KanaDiaMari concept arts] [Hogwarts Staff]

[FFN link] (up until ch17!) [Pixiv Link] [Translated to Chinese by plin2290]

A/N: Honestly surprised myself that I finished this chapter so quickly, but I suppose I’m just as eager to get to the last climax of this story. As this is the second last chapter and based on everything that’s happened, I’m sure many things happening here are to be expected. Still though, it was difficult even for me as the writer to complete many of the scenes. Feedback as always is greatly appreciated, and I hope you’ll look forward to the last chapter/conclusion! Words: 7,480

“Ruby-chan! Ruby-chan!!”

Yoshiko remains rooted in her place, glancing helplessly between Yohane and the chaos beside her. Each and every one of Hanamaru’s cries stab deeply in her heart, making this appalling sight more and more real. Dia has borrowed Ruby’s wand and is repeatedly casting healing spells, while Hanamaru has upturned the Expandable Pouch for all the available vials of Dittany.

But those wounds just won’t close.

Blood continues to soak through Ruby’s vest, her body limp in Dia’s arms and her chest barely rising and falling. Chika and You’s eyes are wide with horror yet they are unable to even speak due to the Body-Bind Curse. Kanan is huffing ferally, struggling in futile under those shackles, the chains already digging into the wolf’s fur and ripping open the scabs. Mari is trying to get up, breathing laboriously, her face scrunched up in sorrow and fury as she shakily points her wand.

Yohane easily brushes aside those badly-aimed spells, the white wing’s feathers not at all ruffled from the disturbance.

“How far you have fallen… the two of you were once so difficult to subdue, but now?” Yohane smiles softly, a jarring expression that contrasts the powerful wave of magic she sent towards her struggling opponents.

Kanan and Mari are thrown back against the shelves, crashing into and shattering various bottles of potions. Mari slides down from the toppled shelf, her wand rolling away from her limp hand, while Kanan has reverted to her human form, eyes closed and breathing feebly.

Yoshiko is already running towards Yohane before she realizes it, yelling with all the rage churning in her heart. “Crucio!”

With an eyebrow raised elegantly, Yohane shifts her white wing to cover herself. The Unforgivable’s red magic dispurses upon contact, as if it were an elementary spell of no significance.

“Your emotions are delectable, O Lost One, but you do not have enough hatred to use the Cruciatus Curse,” she says calmly like she were discussing the weather. “Would you like me to show you? They were pretty good practice dummies back then.”

“No, stop-” Yoshiko hastily casts Protego at You and Chika’s direction but the sheer magic bursting from the sakura wand pierces right through her Shield Charm.

You and Chika, defenseless, could only clench their eyes shut and unable to even scream from the agony. Yohane is watching them calmly, as if everything is fine and peaceful, that no one is being tortured and bleeding to death because of her.

There’s so much anger in Yoshiko’s heart that it’s actually making her nauseous. She roars again, allowing this tremendous feeling to consume her and dig deep inside her mind. Black tendrils materialize from her arm and spear towards that despicable girl.

Yohane finally moves from her spot, frowning as she steps aside and lifts the Curse.

Yoshiko stands in front of You and Chika protectively, her body slightly hunched over as she lets out ragged gasps. With her arm still covered in black mist and stretched warningly towards Yohane, she dares to glance at the unmoving duo. Though their faces are pale and damp with sweat and their eyes are closed, they are at least breathing albeit weakly. Perhaps sheer exhaustion or those horrible past memories triggered by the shock had caused them to faint.

“Nngh...R-Ruby-chan…”

Hanamaru’s choked sobs echo in the now silent Apothecary. There are many empty vials cluttered around her and Dia is gingerly cradling Ruby while whispering comforting words. Yoshiko couldn’t tell if the wounds have been successfully closed or not, for her signature pink vest has turned into a sickening shade of maroon. Yoshiko could feel tears stinging her own eyes when she looks away from Ruby and meets Hanamaru’s gaze, which is filled with despair. Whimpering, the brunette bites her lower lip and shakes her head.

Ruby… she’s… no… no no no...

“W-Why her…I thought, it was me that you people wanted…” Dia says monotonously, her hands slick with her little sister’s blood.

“You were indeed, Kurosawa heiress. We thought you the most powerful Pureblood of your family, that you still have the potential to become even stronger. Yet, from what I saw in Lily’s mind-” Yohane pauses and smiles when Dia glares at her with bloodshot eyes. “Your Patronus and Animagus form don’t exactly match my image of a powerful Pureblood. Naturally, I got curious and concerned. All this effort, with the Fallen’s limited resources, what if we did get to you and you are the wrong one? And so I looked and pondered.”

Yohane gestures at Yoshiko, who recoils at the realization. “Ah yes, it is through you and our connection that I begin to understand the so-called failure more. That meek little Ruby Kurosawa, her Patronus is truly beautiful, that I concede. I want to make sure though, so I must get to the Kurosawa sisters, to get to all of you with one single swoop. How can I accomplish that?”

She tilts her head and says a matter-of-factly. “Well, here we are.”

Yoshiko clenches her fists, thinking back on all the events that led to this moment. The forcibly blocked-off connection back at the alleyway and the return of the vision, and her telling everyone about the assault on the Estate. It was an elaborate plan all along, with Yohane as the master puppetress stringing them onto the stage that she had designed. Luring them all here, setting up ambushes here and there to diminish the strength of their stronger members, and allowing Dia to run free so they would have to search around for her while Yohane most likely observed them.

Appraised them like livestock for slaughter.

“She has my respect. Truly unexpected, but I suppose her experiences molded her magic and soul. Her desire to protect her friends and save her dear sister makes her so much stronger,” Yohane taps the sakura wand thoughtfully, her smile dropping a little. “I know the Counter-Curse to sectumsempra of course. I could heal her… but I won’t. You’ve cost too many of my cohorts. I need compensation.”

Yoshiko laughs harshly, the rage burning and causing the black mist to condense around her arm again. “Compensation?! You dare to talk about compensation!? Why… why are you like this? Just what the fuck have you accomplished?” She gestures tearfully at her friends. “Are you happy now? Huh?! Causing all this misery, does that make you happy?!”

Yohane blinks in puzzlement, like she truly is incapable of understanding Yoshiko’s sentiment. “Of course I am happy. Do you not see, my sad other half? Can you not see the complete state of my magic, my soul?”

She spreads her wings wide, and Yoshiko could see the left wing slowly yet steadily turning from black to white as well. The atmosphere feels even heavier now that more magic has gathered and saturated in the air. Distressed, Lucifer curls up in Yoshiko’s hood, shivering.

“Truly, I am grateful to you all. See,” Yohane summons the wand from an unconscious member of Fallen nearby, casting a bright Lumos with no trouble. “I can now use any wand… perhaps, I can even obtain my own wand like the rest of you regular witches.”

“What-?” Yoshiko’s hand tightens on her own wand, reassured by the flow of magic between them.

“Because of you, silly girl. You caused so many irregularities in my core that I was unable to bond with any wand… until Lily’s.” Yohane taps the sakura wand against her palm, her thumb gently brushing over the wood. “Perhaps it’s due to Lily’s past interaction with the quill or her connection to you. Either way, this wand accepted my magic, and the rest is history.”

At Yoshiko’s silence, Yohane lowers her voice to a dangerous lilt. “I see the confusion in your eyes. It’s not something you can ever relate to, being able to use a wand like it is the most natural thing in the world. You and the rest of the wizards and witches.” Her condescending gaze then shifts over to Hanamaru, who flinches.

“I gave you a little taste of such… inconvenience. How did it feel, having magic so close without access to it? I was forced to learn to control the only thing I have at my disposal - my soul, my incomplete soul. But ah,” Yohane gives her a fanged grin. “It is much more powerful than I could’ve imagined. We Fallen, through countless research, learn more about my feathers - it can bypass Anti-Apparition Jinx, it can cause disruption in a witch or wizard’s flow of magic and thus rendering them vulnerable.”

She holds up the flask that contains the now black potion. “And now, I can grant magic to those who seek it - Squibs, Muggles, or even sentient creatures like the Acromantulas! Everyone will finally be equal, will they not?”

“You are mad…” Dia hugs Ruby close, sparks of magic cackling at the tip of the latter’s wand.

“Am I? Is it not unfair, that certain people enjoy the convenience and power of magic, while others suffer from the lack of it?”

“If you are strictly referring to that, then I have also thought of the same thing. But, never, ever, at the cost of innocent people’s lives,” Dia’s voice hitches and wavers. “R-Ruby, Riko, and all t-those people… what had they done to deserve this?!”

Yohane’s expression is the closest to remorse that Yoshiko has seen on her. “Unfortunate casualty to balance out everything. My people have suffered as well - those who had given their lives today shall be commemorated for the bright future that is to come.”

“Bright… future…?” Yoshiko glances at Ruby’s motionless body and snarls. “There’s no future! You think you can get away with all of this?! I won’t let you…”

“Just how do you plan to stop me, when I have already gotten what I wanted, hmm?” Yohane shifts her wings and tucks the potion in her pocket. “The rest of the world, the silly Ministry, they shall all see and understand the greatness of what I have accomplished. Even the so-called renowned Order of Merlin, 1st Class, is not enough to honor me. I am too worthy-”

“You are not.”

Hanamaru slowly stands up, her eyes downcast and still full of pain, yet there is something decidedly serene about her demeanor. “You don’t understand anything at all.”

“Oh? Care to elaborate?” Yohane narrows her eyes to slits, her tone lowered to a menacing octave.

“You think you’ve done an amazing thing, but you don’t understand even the simplest of emotions,” Hanamaru clutches her hand in front of her heart as tears trickle down her cheeks. “Can you even relate to our anguish? Can you even feel this loss? You call yourself complete, but how can you be complete when you don’t even understand the importance of such bonds?!”

Yohane’s cool expression shifts to one of anger. “You silly mortal. You’re the one who understands nothing. Your truly are unworthy to be by my side! Very well, I will show you…”

Grimacing, Yoshiko hastily moves to stand in front of Hanamaru and concentrates on the veil of black tendrils wrapped around her outstretched arm. Yohane scoffs at her action and merely holds up the sakura wand with a confident smile.

“Expecto Patronum!”

Yoshiko and Hanamaru cringe at that, staring with wide eyes at the beam of silver light summoned by Yohane’s spell. The Patronus begins to take a corporeal form, shaping into a pair of great wings that encompass the caster.

Yohane’s eyes flash with glee as she laughs joyously. “At last! I can cast the Patronus Charm! See, this is the proof of my worthiness, I am the great fallen angel Yohane-”

The silver light abruptly vanishes, leaving behind evanescent sparks like falling snowflakes. Yohane staggers a few steps, gasping and grasping frantically at her cloak when the whiteness in her left wing begins to recede.

“What’s-? Why… the potion-!” She desperately takes a few gulps, yet that does nothing to halt the darkening of her wings. The blackness has now spread even to her white right wing, like the unrelenting way that ink would spread across a piece of parchment.

“No… No!! W-What’s happening?!”

Perhaps it’s due to their proximity or Yohane’s inadvertently lowered defense, but Yoshiko could feel the former’s panic seeping into her cognizance. She hastily summons her own Patronus, sighing in relief when the silver coelacanth materializes easily at her call.

“Your dazzling Patronus. It comes from the caster’s heart and soul. It’s something that cannot be faked or created from nothingness. This alone proves your worthiness.”

She could almost hear the Selkie Chieftainess’ reassuring words and, judging from the spike of fury she felt, Yohane must have heard those words from her memory too.

“I am unworthy? But you’re the Horcrux! How is this possible?!” Yohane cradles the sakura wand against her chest, wheezing and panting. “This potion should have been perfect! This is supposed to be my crowning moment of glory!! No, it must be you, your existence, it’s making everything wrong, if I could just reclaim you-”

Due to their connection, Yoshiko understands that Yohane is trying to call upon the Dementor horde that probably still lingers around the area. Dia is in no state to cast a Patronus Charm, and Yoshiko herself could feel her control on the silver coelacanth slipping due to Yohane’s disbelief and anger cluttering with her own thoughts. Grimacing, Yoshiko musters her strength to send those black tendrils at Yohane to stop her.

Snarling in frustration, Yohane slaps aside the spears with her wings, though the impact causes both girls to recoil as if something has pierced through their hearts. Yoshiko sinks down on her knees, shuddering from that clash of their soul.

“Hana...maru… aim your Patronus at her wings… now!” She manages to squeeze out those words, her eyes trained on Yohane’s slouched-over form.

Though bewildered, Hanamaru’s expression is full of trust as she directs her Augurey Patronus towards the fallen girl. Yohane cringes with surprise, instinctively shielding herself with her wings, but the silver bird easily tears through the feathers as it soars past her.

Yohane cries out in pain, hugging herself tight and curling up on the ground. The shredded wings droop uselessly against her shoulders, those disintegrated feathers not reforming and the remaining ones losing the whiteness even faster.

Unlike the stabbing pain of the Cruciatus Curse, the agony in Yoshiko’s chest feels like molten lava that mercilessly spreads throughout her body. Her vision flickers out of focus and it takes a few moments for her to realize that she is slumped on the ground, coughing blood.

“Yoshiko-chan!” Hanamaru has dispelled her Patronus and is leaning over her, holding her hands and whimpering. Lucifer is also flapping its wings helplessly near her head, nudging and licking at her sweaty cheek.

Yoshiko couldn’t feel any of their warmth. That sensation of something vanishing is even worse now.

“Are you crazy!?” Yohane is trying to get up but her trembling arms are barely supporting her weight. “You want to... destroy yourself too!?”

Yoshiko knows there is blood trickling down her chin but she couldn’t even taste that coppery tang. She leans feebly against Hanamaru, finding her resolution growing at her loved one’s worried voice.

Almost there. She can end this.

Unable to wield her wand properly, Yoshiko tries to recall the feeling of summoning the Patronus all those years ago back in the background. The desire to protect Hanamaru, the desperation to prove her worth, the belief that she is truly someone special.

The silver coelacanth swims majestically through the air, bringing a small smile to Yoshiko’s face in spite of the severity of the situation. This symbol of hope, so beautiful and brilliant and free! At her slight nod, the sentient Charm then dives towards Yohane with the power of purpose.

Shaking, Yohane could only reform the wings into a condensed shield in a last ditch attempt to stop the Patronus. The black mist evaporates as soon as the coelacanth propels through it, but the silver fish also fades before it could reach her.

As soon as Yohane collapses, Yoshiko also drops her wand and retches blood again. Before her quivering hand could reclaim the wand, a pale hand firmly grips her wrist.

Dia’s cheeks are stained with dried tears but there’s a fierceness in her gaze that demands obedience. “Whatever you are doing, stop it. I want her to pay for everything she did but not through you, not at the cost of your life, Yoshiko-san.”

Hanamaru appears to have put two and two together as well and uses her sleeve to gently wipe away the blood staining Yoshiko’s chin. “It’s enough… it’s too much… no more… stop… don’t...”

Though feeling rather detached to her body in spite of the pain, Yoshiko is able to sit up with Hanamaru and Dia’s help. She glances at Lucifer, who is nestled against Ruby’s hand and crooning miserably, and then at the two girls supporting her upright.

Despite her blurring vision, she is able to meet Yohane’s furious eyes. “Just one more... hit, I’m sure... I can…”

I can end Yohane and atone for our sins.

Coughing weakly, Yohane claws at the wall behind her to try to get up. “If you want to die so badly, I’ll help you with that! The inferno of hell shall be the perfect mausoleum for the great fallen angel!”

A bitter and manic grin lights up on her dark expression as she holds up the sakura wand. “Let’s perish together then, my sad clone!”

Pouring forth from the tip of the wand is a terrible stream of fire, which roars like a sentient beast as it consumes everything around it. The shelves instantly crumble into soot and become part of this uncontrollable rampage.

Fiendfyre. The vague knowledge of the Curse trickles into Yoshiko’s mind as Dia shakily points Ruby’s wand and croaks out. “Partis Temporus!”

Even as Dia’s Charm causes it to part ways, the furious flame continues to spread around the Apothecary, hungry to incinerate and destroy, barely halting. The fire swerves around the spell, ready to converge and feast upon them and their vulnerable friends.

Yohane’s broken laughter reverberates within Yoshiko’s mind, the sheer despair almost making her just surrender and allow the hell fire to burn everything away. However, in spite of being unable to relish in Hanamaru’s warmth, she sees and vaguely feels her cold tears falling upon her skin.

Similar to how Yohane did it earlier, Yoshiko summons the black tendrils to form a condensed shield of blackness to block the fiendfyre just as it is about to reach them.

From her peripheral vision, she notices the sakura wand fracturing, followed by magic scalding her nerves, and everything whitens out.

==========================

Yoshiko blinks.

The atmosphere feels familiar and comforting, and she soon realizes that she is back at the Hogwarts Castle. This is the lavatory that masquerades as the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets, the place where so many things had happened. The beginning of an end.

Perplexed, she approaches one of the mirrors and sees her reflection staring back at her. She’s not covered in dirt and blood, and her school uniform is immaculate and complete with the Slytherin scarf wrapped cozily around her. She doesn’t hurt anywhere, and she feels better than she’s felt for a long time.

She hesitantly pinches herself, startled by the pain.

This isn’t a dream. But what happened? Wasn’t she at the Apothecary on the Kurosawa Estate?

“Yocchan.”

Her heart thuds rapidly in her chest, the pang growing as she turns around to find a familiar girl smiling softly at her.

“L-Lily…?”

She wobbles towards Riko, unable to believe the wonderful sight before her. She raises her hand, not daring to touch the Ravenclaw in case this is all just an illusion. The last time she saw Riko, she was so frail on the hospital bed, those amber eyes so lifeless, unaware of the events around her, still confined to the Janus Thickey Ward at St. Mungo’s-

“Is it… really you, Lily?”

Riko smiles sadly and gently holds her hand. It feels warm, yet there’s also something off about it. “Yes and no.”

“Eh-?”

“I am a construct of your conscience and the remnants of Riko Sakurauchi’s magic,” the burgundy-haired girl slowly lets go and allows Yoshiko’s hand to drop to her side. “Magic is full of possibilities and, while the Curse had destroyed Riko’s wand, its previous owner’s feelings remained strong and answered your call before the magic fades. I am here because of the lingering regret in your heart.”

“Regret…?” Yoshiko chuckles humorlessly, unable to tear her gaze away from the older girl before her. Real or not, it makes her so happy to see Riko healthy and well. It’s been so long since she heard her voice. Come to think of it, this lavatory was the last place where they had a heart to heart conversation, wasn’t it?

“Yes, regret,” the Riko replica says quietly, her expression just as kind as the original’s. “You wish to speak to Riko, don’t you?”

“Of course I do. Ever since that day. I want to say how sorry I am. I want to say how much I appreciate her being there for me. No, not only those. There are so, so damn much I want to talk about with Lily, and Dia-san too,” Yoshiko’s voice cracks and she has to swallow down her sobs. “H-Hanamaru, Ruby, everyone! I want to speak with them more. I want to keep spending time with them. I-I don’t want to leave…”

As always, a mere duplicate or not, this Riko patiently waits for her to gather her composure.

“I want all of us to be together even longer, all nine of us. But, that’s not possible, not anymore.” Yoshiko breathes deeply and clasps her hands together, smiling wryly at the realistic sensation she could feel even though she knows it will not last. “Because... I’m dying.”

There, it is out in the open. Saying it aloud doesn’t feel as terrible as she had expected. This sense of finality is calming even, and having this Riko as the witness somehow gives her more courage. She’s been vaguely aware of this fact since she intercepted that Killing Curse, and everything Yohane did with the potion as well as that clash of Patronus and the wings only sped up the progress.

“I can cry and whine about it, but that’s not gonna change the fact that I’m… disappearing. I’m just a Horcrux, yet I was able to experience a pretty awesome life as a human, finding people who cares about me, loves me,” Yoshiko places her hand against her heart, lowering her gaze at the reassuring sensation of heartbeats. “And I love them too.”

The burgundy-haired girl tilts her head morosely. “Riko cares about you. She is still in shock, still recovering from what she had suffered in the Chamber of Secrets, but deep down, she knows the truth. At least, the truth that you, Yoshiko Tsushima, are not the one who hurt her. Given time, she will accept the truth. Believe me, I’m a corporeal form of her magic after all.”

“That’s relieving to hear,” Yoshiko wipes at her eyes and grins. “Well then, I have no more unfinished business. Thank you for speaking with me. I needed that… I needed that one last push.”

She steps forward and embraces the taller girl, smiling when she feels familiar magic enveloping her even as the replica fades away. The scenery around her begins to dissolve as well, along with the wholesome sensation of being a regular student.

Closing her eyes, she pours her emotions along with the flow of magic.

“I hope you will recover soon. Thank you for everything, and goodbye... sister.”

===============================

“Hanamaru…”

Yoshiko blearily opens her eyes, not surprised to find herself back at the Apothecary. The pungent odor of smoke almost throws her into a coughing fit, but she feels too weak to even exhale properly. Hanamaru and Dia are still seated around her, and a quick glance tells her that the others are nearby as well. Though unconscious, Kanan and Mari, You and Chika, the four of them have been Levitated and placed close together and far from the licking flames of the fiendfyre.

Indeed, walls of the nightmarish fire trap them in this little space. Everything else appears to be ablaze and there is no way out as far as she could see. Perhaps the shield she had created earlier was the only reason why they have yet to be consumed by this magical inferno. At the time being, the flames have skirted around this area, similar to how a river current could be diverted by a formidable rock in its path.

Once certain of everyone’s whereabouts, she finally forces herself to gaze at Ruby, who is still lying behind Dia. Lucifer is curled up against the motionless girl’s hand, as if its tiny body could help preserve warmth.

“...Ruby, how is she-?”

“S-She’s not breathing…” Hanamaru chokes out, and Dia clenches her eyes shut. “S-She’s already...”

“Could you… bring me c-closer?”

Hanamaru and Dia share an uncertain glance but do as requested. Grunting, Yoshiko reaches for Ruby’s wrist, unable to feel any pulse but unable to feel the coldness either. She couldn’t feel anything, not anymore.

“... Ruby, no amount of apologies would be enough… but maybe, if I could only…” Yoshiko grits her teeth and concentrates. Black mist slowly forms around her arm though, with it, comes a dizzying sensation.

“Yoshiko-san-?”

“If these tendrils can maim… it might be able to heal too. It’s the magic of my soul, so if I could only make it…” She ignores Dia’s worried gaze and tries to guide the mist over to the vicious wounds all over Ruby’s body. However, unlike the gentle glow of healing magic, the black mist is fluctuating, as if struggling to break free of the veil form she is keeping it.

“L-Let me help…” Hanamaru reaches for Yoshiko’s hand before the latter could stop her. Instead of hurting her, the black mist recedes a little to give space so that her hand covers Yoshiko’s larger one. Though unable to feel another’s person’s warmth, she could faintly feel the trickle of magic mingling with hers.

Before their wide eyes, the black mist stabilizes and descends upon Ruby, shifting into a soft glow. The maroon of the drenched vest lightens a little and the wounds begin to mend.

“W-what?” Dia doesn’t dare to blink, carefully touching her sister’s cheek and gasping when Ruby lets out a weak breath.

“Maybe… it’s because Yohane knows how to heal her so I somehow know too… or maybe, it’s because Hanamaru’s been connected to us since so long ago…” Yoshiko wheezes, her vision flickering precariously again. What she just did has drained her what little of energy she has left. She would’ve fallen backwards if Hanamaru hadn’t been holding her.

“Ruby…” Dia hugs her sister close, her voice strangled with emotions. “She… she will fine?”

“At least she won’t bleed to death,” Yoshiko gives her a weak grin and struggles to reach for her pocket. “Now, Dia-san, please get everyone out of here.”

“Yoshiko-chan-?” Hanamaru blinks as Yoshiko pushes a black feather in her palm and then drops another in Dia’s hand.

“You heard what Yohane said earlier. These feathers, they should help you Apparate,” Yoshiko pauses and allows herself a moment to sweep her gaze over her friends one last time. She tries to etch their images into her mind, hoping that would help her remember them forever, though she finds such logic ridiculous since she’s the one who would not remain.

“Yoshiko-san, just what are you-?”

“Lily is waiting for you.” She caresses Lucifer’s head before depositing the protesting bat in the older girl’s lap. “I’m counting on you, my greatest little demon, be good to Dia-san okay? Watch over them.”

“I don’t like this… why are you saying all these things,” Hanamaru wraps her arms around Yoshiko’s, refusing to budge even as the latter weakly attempts to tug free. “Let’s all go back to Hogwarts… let’s all go home zura.”

“It’d upset me if I hear anything were to happen to you. I want you to take care of yourself too, Yoshiko-chan.” She could almost hear Grandma Kunikida’s kind words, so she guiltily apologizes to the elder in her mind.

She glances at Ruby, comforted by the feeble but steady rise and fall of her chest, and recalls her worried voice from their conversation by the Black Lake. “Yoshiko-chan, d-don’t leave us, okay?”

“That’s a promise I can no longer keep, my friend.” She sadly looks away and stares at the roaring flames. “Hanamaru, I’m… just returning to the sky for a bit…. I’ll be back…”

“Yoshiko-chan-?”

She cups Hanamaru’s cheek and kisses her deeply, pouring all the feelings she had in this one intimate gesture. Though stunned at first, the petite girl soon melts against her and returns the kiss just as tenderly.

Yoshiko smiles. She couldn’t feel anything, but she could sense the girl’s love and that is more than enough for her. Though reluctant, she pulls away and whispers against Hanamaru’s ear.

“Please don’t forget me…”

Mustering all the remaining strength she had, she shoves Hanamaru away and abruptly stands up. With one arm around Ruby and the other steadying the startled Hanamaru, Dia is unable to move from her spot and could only watch as Yoshiko gives her one last pleading look.

Before any of them could react, Yoshiko quickly summons the black mist to cover herself and walks into the fiendfyre. The magical flames is tickling at her skin, threatening to consume her, and she finds it utterly ironic how she was able to feel the heat from this Curse and nothing else. She glances back, noticing Hanamaru’s silhouette and flashes of magic. She must be trying to get through this destructive fire, to get to her.

“... promised!” The girl’s heartrending cry is nearly muffled by the cackling inferno. “You promised … when you return to the sky, you would take me with you! Yoshiko-chan!”

Yoshiko turns away and resumes walking. Even though she knows Hanamaru couldn’t hear her, she still finds herself murmuring at the fire.

“I’ll always love you.”

=================================

After what feels like an eternity, Yoshiko finally reaches a similar area within the fiendfyre where the flames have left untouched. Yohane is hugging her legs, in fetal position, the vestiges of her torn black wings draped over her shoulders and are steadily crumbling to dust.

She doesn’t move even as Yoshiko sits down beside her.

“What? Do you pity me?”

“I suppose.”

Yohane laughs shakily, tearfully. “... you knew we are dying.”

Yoshiko nods. “I wasn’t fully sure… but yes, I knew. I just didn’t want to believe it.”

“Then why are you here? Didn’t tell your friends, did you? Wouldn’t you rather die with them around you?” Yohane shifts and turns to face her. If it had been any other circumstances, Yoshiko would have felt sympathy at the sight of such raw helplessness on her mirror image’s expression.

Alas, as it is, she feels nothing. “I don’t want them to see me… go, not like this.” She looks down at her hands, unsurprised that her fingertips are becoming translucent. Her feet are already disintegrating into black mist, into an intangible form. This certainly doesn’t feel like her body anymore. “Besides, in the end… you’re me. I want you to know that you’re not alone.”

Yohane recoils. “Even after everything I have done?”

Scowling, Yoshiko grabs Yohane by the scruff of her cloak and yanks her close so that she’s glaring into those wide eyes. “I will never forgive you. If only I could make you pay, if only I could make you apologize… except, you couldn’t, could you?”

Yohane blinks, still startled and bewildered. Sighing, Yoshiko loosens her grip and shakes her head. “You’re incapable of remorse, just as you’re incapable of many other emotions.”

“... you’re right, I don’t.” Despite the bite of her words, Yohane’s visage flickers with what appears to be lament before the characteristic aloofness returns. “So what. Instead of staying with your beloved friends, you’ve come to me, so we can happily die together, is that it?”

“Yeah, that’s right. Like you said a while back, it’d be too sad if I remain ignorant before I go,” Yoshiko interlaces her fingers together, smiling wistfully. “I want to know. I want to understand why you are this way. Tell me… tell me your story.”

Yohane scoffs half-heartedly as she looks over at Yoshiko’s condition. “There’s not much to tell, but I suppose I could share it. It’s your story as much as it is mine and, well, we got nothing else to do to pass this time anyway, waiting for the inevitable death.”

After a moment’s deliberation, Yohane takes out a familiar quill and places it in Yoshiko’s palm. The object falls through the latter’s translucent hand, landing softly in her lap. The former flinches while the latter doesn’t react.

“Er… yeah, this was you. The quill. It’s made from an Augurey actually, quite unlike any other quills.”

“So I was right,” Yoshiko’s lips quirk with slight humor. “I sensed the connection. It’s a given though, since I … used to be this thing.”

“Right. Well then, where should I even start?” Yohane closes her eyes briefly before opening them again. Her husky voice now has a distant quality to it as she taps her fingers against her knee. “Ah, the playground. I assume you don’t know what happened after Mother saved us?”

Yoshiko could only remember being hugged by Father while Mother was speaking to the Ministry officials that arrived. As if sensing her thoughts, Yohane nods curtly. “They screwed up, y’know? The Dementors were chasing an escaped convict from Nurmengard - that’s a wizarding prison - because the transfer to Azkaban didn’t happen smoothly. During the chase, the Dementors took a detour because they sensed two delectable children with developing magic. Yup, Hanamaru and I.”

Yoshiko carefully watches Yohane’s expression, which appears to be forcibly stoic at the mention of the brunette.

“Father and Mother took me home while the Ministry dealt with the aftermath for Hanamaru. I don’t know. I never saw her again until that day at King’s Cross Station,” she trails off, frowning, and her voice becomes flat again as she touches her chest. “That incident caused my magic to become unstable. Something was desperately trying to break free, and it wasn’t my Patronus or anything.”

Yoshiko exhales tiredly. “... Me?”

“Probably. I know I call you a Horcrux because that’s the only terminology closest to describing you, but who knows what you really are?” Yohane shrugs. “Father was a Muggle descendant of a Squib from a notable Pureblood family, and he’s kept in contact with a distant relative ever since I was born. That relative, an old man who’s also a Squib, have always been helpful in terms of knowledge from the magical world. Mother was a Half-blood who grew up in the Muggle world, so she didn’t know what was happening to me either.”

Even though everything is in the past tense and despite knowing what was coming, Yoshiko is rather pleased at learning about her parents, no matter how trivial the information seems. Yohane snorts at that but she continues speaking.

“So, Father called for the old man to see if he knows what can be done… alas, he wasn’t able to make it to our place in time. Like I said back then, there was a burst of accidental magic and you killed Father. My soul split off, and you were able to latch onto the family quill as some sort of Horcrux.”

In spite of already hearing it once before, Yoshiko still winces and lowers her head. Unlike last time, Yohane’s tone isn’t accusing as she adds. “I believe our magic was very unstable then, and that’s why when Mother tried to help me, save me, she remained too close to the quill and her life force was drained so rapidly.”

Yohane’s composure crumbles a little, displaying a rare moment of pain and sadness.

“That old man discovered me in the ruins of the apartment and quickly took me away under his protection before the Muggle authorities arrived. We went far away, as he didn’t want the Ministry to discover me and possibly take me away for experimentation. We lost our faith in the Ministry since that botched transfer, see? And that’s why neither of us knew of your existence, that an orphan was found at the ruins and identified as Yoshiko Tsushima, an orphan who lived like a Muggle for ten years before receiving Hogwarts’ letter.”

Yoshiko furrows her brows. “I think you’ve seen it in my mind. I… did live like a Muggle, but it was definitely not normal. You have no idea how happy I was, when I found out I was a witch.”

Yohane laughs callously. “It is still better than mine. I grew up with only that old man to rely on. He taught me everything about magic, despite being unable to use it himself. He… was the leader of Fallen. The Fallen’s been around for centuries but it’s only due to my presence that they had such breakthroughs. His distant ancestor was a Squib from the Kurosawa family actually, hence my cohorts’ obsession with this particular Pureblood family.”

Yoshiko isn’t surprised to learn that she’s very, very distantly related to Dia and Ruby. All the Pureblood families are related in one way or another through intermarriage after all, and some Muggleborns do have Pureblood ancestry. Still, hearing such connection gives her a sense of peace.

Yohane chuckles dryly. “She’ll live, that Ruby Kurosawa. Kudos to you on that bastardized healing spell. I’ll have you know that I didn’t aim at any vital spots, otherwise she would have died for certain.”

“Why?”

“Why indeed. I could have killed Lily. I could have killed Ruby. But, like I said, maybe your silly mortal emotions did influence me to an extent,” Yohane sneers, though her voice is subdued and no longer has that vicious edge. “Anyway, within the Fallen, there are many other Squibs and magical relatives tormented by discrimination. Yes, even more Squibs distantly related to the Kurosawas, those who were burned off the family tree. That man who used a suicide bomb, he was actually the brother of that wizard who I had the Dementor Kissed.”

Yoshiko cringes at recalling those aforementioned men. “But all the members of Fallen we had encountered, they all used magic so well-?”

“They were temporarily granted the ability to use magic through the many versions of incomplete potions we have developed. Why do you think it was so difficult for us to capture a Pureblood? The old man passed away three years ago and so, under my leadership, I pushed forward our agenda by risking casualties and exposure. I’m not conservative like him, and I was fucking sick of being idle and hiding, like I’m some sort of abomination.” Yohane takes out the nearly empty flask of the potion that had briefly granted her a white wing. “I still believe this potion is truly complete. It should work on the Squibs, Muggles and other potential candidates, just not me. I suppose, nothing can ever fill the void of my missing soul.”

She raises the flask as if she is about to hurl it into the flames, but she lowers it tiredly a moment later. “There, satisfied now? That’s my pathetic little story, you silly girl.”

Yoshiko gazes contemplatively at the ground for a while, with only the cackling flame and Yohane’s ragged breathing as background noise. She morbidly tries to prickle her finger at a piece of sharp rock but her now transparent finger just goes right through the object.

“Your story doesn’t excuse you for what you’ve done.”

“Of course it doesn’t, and I don’t intend it to anyway, I only-”

“But I still can’t help but sympathize with you.”

“Ha?” Yohane’s visage is full of incredulity. “Did your brain disappear too?”

Yoshiko rolls her eyes. In so many aspects, it’s ludicrous how they’re bantering like this in the middle of this deadly inferno while steadily vanishing into oblivion. Yet, it also feels right, like some sort of closure that the two pieces of the same soul owe to themselves. Perhaps it is exactly because they’re dying that they’re able to reach such moment of truce.

“Had I gone down the wrong path, I might have ended up like you. There were some pretty dark moments while growing up. All those talk about conquering the world and acquiring little demons, there were times when I genuinely wished it, maliciously too. It was brief and quickly forgotten, but it was there,” Yoshiko pauses and watches as the quill falls through her lap onto the ground, the black mist now spreading up her legs and have reached her waist. She could barely see the shape of her feet anymore.

Yohane is watching her, her expression a mixture of fear and morbid fascination at her condition. In comparison, the only sign of her declining health is that bead of cold sweat trickling down her deathly pale cheek.

“I just want to say… you weren’t always evil, Yohane. We… you… you saved Hanamaru back then. You did it because you wanted to save her, right?”

Yohane sighs and rubs her temple. “... yeah. She was my first friend. I remember what happened, but I don’t remember my reasoning behind it… or my emotions back then.”

“I think, when our souls split, it just so happens that I’m the part that retained the feeling, deep in my subconscious,” Yoshiko finds herself smiling, though it isn’t a happy smile. “You hold the memories of that event, but not the emotions associated with it. You were only left with the negative feelings, while I was capable of learning more. I still had hope.”

“Hope, huh?” Yohane returns her smile, and it appears just as forlorn. “That’s certainly a foreign feeling… but it sounds pleasant, Yoshiko.”

“Yeah, hope, along with many other emotions, allowed me to summon the Patronus that you originally did to save Hanamaru.” With a strained grunt, she reaches for Yohane and drapes her arm around the latter’s shoulder in an awkward hug.

“What the hell?” Yohane freezes but doesn’t push away, especially when she notices how Yoshiko is barely hanging on with her semi-transparent arms. “You-”

“Just shut up and listen to me… no, rather, go ahead and look into my mind,” Yoshiko grits her teeth and tries to gather her thoughts. Everything seems to be slipping away, like it never existed in the first place.

Kanan’s playful grin as she chases her around the Room of Requirement

That twinkle in Mari’s eyes as she teases her about her feelings at the courtyard.

Chika’s sunny laughter as she persistently shoves mikans towards her mouth at the library.

The protective gleam in You’s blue eyes as she ruffles her hair in the Aviary.

Dia’s understanding smile as she attentively listens to her in the Slytherin Dorm.

The softness of Riko’s voice as she speaks to the Thestrals with her at the edge of the Forbidden Forest.

Ruby gently holding her hand and telling her that she is family.

The sheer love in Hanamaru’s kiss earlier before they parted ways.

“Everything I’ve experienced, the good and the bad, all the fun times at Hogwarts, all those precious moments of my life as Yoshiko Tsushima, I want you to feel those too. This is my story… I want to share it, at least, before I… before we…”

Yohane closes her eyes, allowing Yoshiko to lean against her as she stiffly returns the hug. “It’s warm.”

“It is.”

“It’s… nice…” Yohane whispers despondently, her breaths light and wispy. “Heh, you are a good girl, Yoshiko. Being a mortal isn’t all bad. This way, dying isn’t so bad.”

Yoshiko smiles at the acknowledgement, unable to think anymore. The fiendfyre continues to blaze around them while the black mist of her body leaks away into nothingness. She may be disappearing, but she’s surrounded by all these wonderful memories and feelings.

Indeed, this isn’t so bad.

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