#but the timing of this albums release couldnt be more perfect

[fob4ever]

pete on the tuna for toast podcast 3.2.23

link

he tries to play golf once a week.

pete and the host talk about golf for a bit (they lost me here)

talks about the album title: "the parentheses being around the "for"- there is a little bit of "so much stardust"- i think about it in the way like- and it's like the dumbest thing, but everybody is stardust- everyone's these different molecules and carbon, former stars, and i think about that when i think about how different everybody on the planet is. we're all kind of the same still. and there's some relief in that."

pete: "love from the other side going number one after 17 years of our first appearance on the chart is like, the most fall out boy way to do it of all time. couldn't have done it way more than the way we did do it."

pete mostly writes lyrics on paper and on the notes app. sometimes if he's driving he'll have whoever's the passenger write it down for him. he doesn't do voice notes because he doesn't "think in those terms".

when they were writing smfsd, they had friends telling them that they should just release swgd 2.0, that it was the perfect time for it, but pete thought that was wrong and that it was "exactly not the time for it". he didn't want to do a retread, and he feels that when artists try to recapture the early magic it's just not possible. he thinks about when fob/mcr/patd first got big, green day felt like the position fob is in now, how GD had been a band for 20 years and they made a record that pete felt was adjacent to what they were doing & reminded people why green day was so big & why they loved them, and thats what they were channelling during the writing of lftos/smfsd- how it can be adjacent to all the stuff that's happening, but it shouldnt be a retread and it shouldnt be chasing what is happening right now

pete's been watching the last of us :)

"with srar and mania, we were just surviving! there was a pop culture landscape not super friendly to bands [...] and now this is a chance where everything's cyclical, and we have a chance to lean in to being the band we were in a futuristic way."

talks about the early days of fob and how their dreams were always "one size too big" and how pete always has that and it "drives patrick a little crazy" but they "fuel each other in that regard"

interviewer: "is it healthy to still have that state of mind [despite fob's achievements and success]?" pete: "hmmm... what would my therapist say..........." girl..

pete's been trying to enjoy the journey more: "[the band] has been hanging out way more than we [used to], we've been going out to dinner, exploring cities together and i think it helped this record."

patrick doesnt live in LA anymore!

"this is the first record in a while that we were in the same room together, we hashed things out, we passed notebooks back and forth. [...] we're a band where we get into it with each other but we're also siloed off from each other, this was the first time in a while where there was no silos"

"any feelings of doing a throwback is a little stomach-churning for me" so true pete

pete retells the panic origin story of ryan making fun of fob lol

talks about taking panic under their wing and how there were only a couple of bands that took fob under their wing when they first started like less than jake and punchline, and how he always liked the spirit of that.. talks about the communal spirit & culture surrounding hiphop music: "why couldnt we do that?"

"to me, [decaydance] was like seinfeld, like, you never knew who was going to show up at the apartment on seinfeld- they all lived in the same building... and i always thought 'why couldn't there be a record label like that?'" that tweet thats like. why gabe saporta da bus driver 😭

#post the hangout pics.. NOW #sorry my recaps are so long! as much as possible i try not to paraphrase what they say/try to keep it as true to their og words as possible #recap

[hanggarae]

big deep breath OK SO . ive been so excited for this comeback like idk with every new cb i feel like i get even more excited than with the precious one yk so i was really waiting for it to come out!! they released the mv while i was in class (they hate me) but during a little break not long after i managed to watch it and i was bobbing my head and swinging my feet at the sound LJKE U DONT GET IT I WAS GENUINELY SO HAPPY

honestly this is one of my fav svt albums and idk it just makes me so happy all the songs are so perfect and good there's not a single one i don't enjoy and the aesthetic is so cute and im so excited and impatient to FINALLY HAVE MY ALBUM IN MY HANDS ARGHHHH but yes this was such a success im so happy they broke so many records and they just continue to prove how talented they are wooooo

for the songs there isn't one i dislike at all but i really like SOS idk the beat js so nice and the lyrics are really good and this may be also due to me loving marshmello when i was younger but STILL !!! Diamond days makes me SOOOOO NOSTALGIC i love it so much im so glad they used kind off the same sound/sample as Shining Diamond im in love 💔💔 i think back 2 back is my fav song of the album!! i love minghaos highnote and the beat and just the overal vibe idk it stood out to me sm their voices fit the song so well im obsessed with the part around 1.30 where dino and hao sing in like a low voice? YGM BUT ITS SOOOOO GOOD just the entire song is so good i think tbh i have a soft spot for pu songs 😭😭😭😭 i haven't had much the time to really analyze yawn but the soft voices and vocals are heavenly i genuinely passed away BECAUSE YOU ARE MY BREATH 💔💔💔💔 LIKE WDYM UR MY BREATH WHY IS THIS SONG MAKING ME TEAR UP DONT EVEN LIE RNNN monster is such a fun song i just know I'll play it on repeat like fire while im walking to uni to wake me up and get me in study mode 💥💥💥 it's giving Halloween vibes and im here for it!!!! it's also just fun to me because my roommate/bsf and i bet on who sang the first line and she swore it was gyu and i swore it was vernon and today we didn't see each other much so like 1h ago she told me she saw in a lyric vid that gyu sang that line and i was like ??? girl i have weverse and i follow it religiously so ik it's both of them AND WE COULDNT AGREE BECAUSE WE DIDNT HAVE ANY PROOF so i ended up showing her weverse and it was so fun we were both right in the end and we did a silly dance LMAOOAOOOO IT WAS SO FUNNY 😻😻😻😻 but lemme tell u about headliner. FUCK THAT SONG BRO WHY AM I CRYING ??????? no it's actually my fav song along back 2 back like are u actually kidding me ???? this song makes me wanna study even more for my Korean classes like FUCK HEADLINER SO BAD 💔😭😭😭😭😭 I CRY AND LAUGH WITH YOU THIS NIGHT💔💔💔💔💔 WHERE WE OFFER ALL OUR LOVE💔💔💔💔 HOW BEAUTIFUL💔💔💔💔💔 BEVAHSE YOURE MY HEADLINER 💔💔💔💔💔 this moment when we shine together don't lie rn I'll actually kms and take a bath with my toaster like wow jumping of the 9th floor of the apartment building next door seems like such a fun activity today 😻😻😻😻😻😻

RIGHT OMG I WAS LITERALLY TUNING IN EVERYDAY AT 12 AM KST TO SEE IF THEY DROPPED FHE ANNOUNCEMENT AND WHEN THEY DID I WAS SOOOOO HYPED ‼️ like fml was SO huge i couldn’t wait for this one ALSO THE MV LITERALLY RELEASED DURING A PRACTICE FIRE DRILL FOR ME 😭😭

it genuinely is one of my faves too, like although the songs aren’t necessarily my fave of each unit (i still LOVE each one) the album was just so well put together ?? everything flowed perfectly and like usually it’ll take me like two or three listens to like some songs but i listened to the album start to finish ONCE and fell in love w EVERYTHING i’m not even kidding ❤️‍🔥 I CANR WAIT FOR MY ALBUMD TO GET HERE AYSHSHAHDJHS

right like there wasn’t a bad song at all !!! my fave has to be headliner bc it’s just so fucking emotional like woozi why u got me crying on the train home 😐😐😐 it gives me MAJOR our dawn is hotter than day vibes which i love sm !! the whole album vibes reminded me a little of you make my day a little i think it’s just me but yeah ‼️ i LOVED back 2 back too omg perf unit ALWAYS hits and YAWN OMG 😓 every track was amazing 😓😓😓 STOP THE DEBATES ON THE MONSTER FIRST LINE LMFAAOAOAO 😭😭 speaking of monster, cheol’s part.. changed me . i loved SOS too omg it gave such like band vibes ??

ALSO HELPPPPP HEADLINER’S LYRICS OMG 😓😓 my mom heard me listen to it and said “girl why are u listening to such sad lyrics..”

#dori .. 🪼 #seventeenth heaven we luv you

[thehighestmountains]

midnights by taylor swift review im back for another first listen release review. the majority of songs i love (bolded i will stand and die by) and enjoy but there are some skips. i think this album has a lot more variety than her last two albums that will pertain to a lot more people, but is less focused on one sound like folklore. off the bat, i doesnt eclipse any of my favs (folklore and reputation), but hm it might fight reputation, it reminds me of a more mature reputation and is more experimental with vocals and instrumentals. lets dive in:

lavender haze - the electronic start of this song with "meet me at midnight" is so danceable. i love the "yeah oh yeah"s, they are so goood. this song just makes me want to move, im obsessed.

maroon - the verses dont do a whole lot for me, a little boring and 2 drum beats, but i love the whole chorus "the burgundy on my t-shirt when you splashed your wine into me" and the "maroon"s coming in louder and louder throughout the song. anti-hero - this song is kind of funny and cheeky, despite the words being super dark (my fav "when my depression works the graveyard shift, all of the people ive ghosted stand there in the room"). i thought the "its me, hi, im the problem, its me" was a little lame, but its growing a lot of me after 2 listens.

snow on the beach - theres like two speeds in this album, one electronic and other side super soft and slow, this one being the later side. in contrast to some of my other favorite songs, it doesnt quite hit as dramatically but i do enjoy its dreamy, light verses and "weird but fucking beautiful". youre on your kid - this little indie beat is so sweet and her spoken "youre on your own kid, you always have been" is perfect, uplifting, brings me peace. i also love the verse, prechorus, verse, chorus pattern. it tells a story from beginning to end, and i love a story. midnight rain - the beginning!!! the contrast of her electronically-deepened voice is so fun against the first line "my town was a wasteland". the soft claps, the drum beat, "picture perfect shiny family holiday peppermint candy" wrap everything together. question..? - i dont love the chorus lyrics, its far too specific. the tone of the song also stays very flat and i dont really love the bridge either especially that autotuned "tonightttt". lmao the clapping and cheering. but the song isnt like annoying or anything so ill listen to it more. vigilante shit - super reputation-like "are you ready for it" sound. i only like this song when she sings "don't get sad, get even". i live for the spice on the "even", its maybe one of my favorite lines in the whole album, but the song itself is bottom tier. bejeweled - i cant with this song. the way she sings *shimmer*, i cant do it. the rhymes at the end of the songs "man / remember", the childish "nice!", "i miss sparkling". cant relate. labyrinth - for a song that is about falling in love, its far too chill and i dont like the weird floob-floob sounds scattered throughout. the vocals are so soft and the instrumentals are random.

karma - this song is an easy fan favorite that blew up on tiktok immediately and im clapping riding that train. its catchy, its funny, its "sweet like honey". this makes me love taylor.

sweet nothing - this funky lullaby is a sweet love song and reminds me of delicate "you must like me for me". the choruses are much better than the verses though, like lol wut "i wrote a poem, you say what a mind, this happens all the time".

mastermind - obsessed with the intro beats and "checkmate i couldnt lose", but the "im a mastermind" and the whole song makes me think really, did you plan your current relationship, kind of weird and creepy sorry (3am track time!) the great war - the chorus is so strong and catchy "my hand was the one you reached for all throughout the great war". i also just like the messaging that her current relationship carried her through this huge drama. bigger than the whole sky - i do like the sound of the background instruments, some of the lyrics im not a huge fan of like "did some bird flap its wing over asia" and etc, and "shouldve been couldve been" feels like it shouldve been in another song. the song just flows past you and its over. paris - uh excuse me? rhyming paris with (some)where else?? genius. the verses are witty and i cant wait to learn them: "drew a map on your bedroom ceiling". also anyone else notice in the bridge "at midnight in my mind" sounds just like daylight. this feels very much meant for lover but it still fits.

high infidelity - the piano and vocals are straight out of evermore but all the beeping and button sounds brings it into the midnights era. im also getting strong renegade energy ("are you really gonna talk about timing in times like these?") from "do i really have to ...". i love "put on your records and regret meeting me, put on your headphones and burn my city". there are some things i would change about the song but overall its good. glitch - the background static and "oh oh ooh"s add velvet and warmth to the song, despite the kind of boring lyrics "i think theres been a glitch im fastening myself to you with a stitch". she writes this glitch/system/static/counterfeit/malfunction metaphor but it never really sticks 100% for me. its just missing something to tie it all together. would've, could've, should've - this song is impressively balanced, with such strong verses, choruses, and bridges. "if youd never looked my way i wouldve stayed on my knees". dear reader - heavenly vocals with a melody that actually surprised me, and a bridge that feels liberating like taylor is finally telling you her truth. the way she manipulates her voice electronically adds so much interest and intrigue to the song. overall, taylor does not disappoint yet again with a funky fun album with a song for everyone.

#midnights #taylor swift #taylor swift midnights review

[taehyungfirst]

I FREAKED OUT BBY ISTG IT WAS SO GOOD LIKE THE MV TOO IT WAS VISUAL PERFECTION LIKE THE COLORS AND THE SHIRT AND HIS VOICE IT'S LIKE IDK LIKE GOLDEN HONEY AMBROSIA SHIT CAN YOU TELL I'M ADDICTED. BUT LIKE AT THE SAME TIME THE WHOLE RELEASE TIMES ALWAYS GET ME CONFUSED LIKE I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO TRANSLATE KST TO MY TIMEZONE WHY AM I THIS STUPID SJSHJSHJS I CAN'T WAIT FOR RAINY DAYS RELEASE BRUH AND LIKE SLOW DANCING?!?! OMG YOU HAVE NO IDEAAAA I'M SO HYPED FOR IT LIKE THE WHOLE CONCEPT AND THE VINTAGE VIBE HE'S BRINGING OH SLAY I CAN'T REMEMBER THE NAME OF THE OTHER TRACKS VERY WELL CAUSE I FOUND OUT YDAY FORGIVE ME BUT I'M SO FUCKING EXCITED I REALLY WANNA BUY THE ALBUM MAN I'VE NEVER HAD THE IMPULSE BEFORE CAUSE LIKE THEY'RE EXPENSIVE OK AND I ALWAYS FELT LIKE EHH THE STUFF THAT'S INSIDE ISN'T REALLY ENOUGH FOR THAT PRICE BECAUSE I'M BROKE AND BUYING AN ALBUM WILL HAVE A SIGNIFICANT IMPACT ON MY CURRENT SAVINGS BUT. I REALLY WANT THIS ALBUM I WANT IT SJADJSDSJDDJAS LIKE EXCUUUUUUSE ME HON HOW DARE HE. HOW DARE HE COME HERE WITH HIS STUPID ALBUM DESIGN AND STUPID CUTE-ASS PICTURES W/ YEONTAN AND STUPID MVs FOR EVERY SONG AND R&B TRACKS AND DEEP VOICE BARITONE SILKY SENSOUS SMOOTH ASS FUCKER I SWEAR TO GOD THIS ALBUM WAS EVERYTHING I WANTED AND EXPECTED IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY I'M GONNA DIE but like aside from that, i'm fine :) -"IT'S OUT GIRLIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" anon (also can i just say how much i love your blog. i love it. wtf. there's nothing else like it on tumblr and i've searched. i regularly search up your blog to see whether you've updated. ok. now that that's out of the way.)

YOUR REACTION WAS LITERALLY MY REACTION WORD FOR WORD BAR FOR BAR. i, too, wanna buy layover so bad i’m gonna save some money and order it because he went live yesterday and he did the cutest smile while showing it so i’m sold. im buying anything for him. i’m gonna start another job for him if he asks me to.

ALSO!!! HAVE U HEARD RAINY DAYS? the mv was cinema, he was perfect and i couldn’t believe it but rainy days made me speechless it was so so good, the lyrics and the video and the way he put in there some vante too… like i couldnt ask for more he rlly did it for the arts (i wish i could speak about the charts but i’m too much of a hater today to speak about them)

(thank you i’m happy you like this silly corner where i mostly complain about stuff… you’re sweet hope you have the best day 🩵🩵)

#ask

[laesas]

M?

Me and You Together Song // The 1975 - Adding this song and Jesse's girl to a playlist of bops where the male author was very clearly posessed by a lesbian

MONTERO // Lil Nas X - The most iconic MV perhaps of all time. Lil Nas X is everything to me. The entire album is 🔥 tbh.

Moon Song // Phoebe Bridgers - This song fits so many blorbos but the one that makes me cry is Big (KinnBig) "You couldnt have stuck your tongue down the throat of somebody who loves you more, So I will wait for the next time you want me, like a dog with a bird at your door" UM Ms. Bridgers how the fuck am I supposed to emotionally recover from this???

Milk // The 1975 (again) - A secret bonus track on their first album for SO MANY YEARS! They released it as a single so *finally* I dont have to go "wait let me just go to the 7th minute of this 9 minute track exclusive to their deluxe edition, bear with I promise it's worth it" anymore lol

Monsoon // Hippo Campus - The perfect ''curled up watching raindrops slide down the glass in a stormy window nook'' song; utterly lovely and utterly heartbreaking in a very comforting way

Thanks for asking!! I love sharing music hehe 🎶✨

Send me a letter and I'll reccomend 5 songs beginning with that letter!

#ask #anon #ask meme #music #anon is on!

[linasrant]

Sounds Good Feels Good: the way 5sos embodied the struggle of being a teenager

Okay so first im starting saying, hello 5sosfam im here today to show my appreciation and love for 5sos a.k.a my comfort band. Its actually funny to me how i feel so comfortable and safe when i hear their songs, bc when i was idk 10y/o and Amnesia never stopped playing on MTV i couldnt stand them, if was not Amnesia playing would be She Looks So Perfect and omg sooo annoying. I liked their music like A LOT but i was living with a leash aroud my neck (here comes the family issues) so i've never had the chance to dig deeper on their work, fortunaly the quarantine gave me that chance so behold and watch this is my opinion abt my fav album, Sounds Good Feels Good by 5 Seconds of Summer.

Justo for a introduction my fav songs of the album are:

Castaways

Catch Fire

Safety Pin

Jet Black Heart

Invisible

We clearly can see that i have a lot of issues here, but my point is THATS EXACLTY WHAT MAKES SOOO GOOD!!! The boys really went ou there making an album about everything that a teenager can feel, all the stress, heartbreak, abandonment issues, family issues and they even say fuck the capitalism with this masterpiece. The whole thing makes me feel that i still have a chance in life to find what i really want for myself (Hey Everyboy!), the lyrics of Broken Home makes me sob everytime of how much i relate to it.

Talking about a much more happy topic, the solos in this album are divine, like Michaels voice in Jet Black Heart we can really feel the pain in his voice and everything, the instrumental of the songs too Ash really got me hyped with his drums in Safety Pin, also Calum my beloved i love his voice in Waste the Night, and last but no least Luke crushing my soul while singing The Girl Who Cried Wolf.

obs: just a big thank u for the person who decided to put violins on the instrumental background of Vapor and Invisible bc it made hurt ten times more.

EVERTHING in this album is perfect and i will never shut up about it, so please go listen to it, i think everyone needs to hear and see that you're not the only one facing problems out there, that you're not alone and everything will be fine at some point. Here's my favorite line from Airplanes so u can see what im saying, u still have a chance to be whatever u want whenever u want, go live your life without fear bc mistakes are part of it, but it only makes us stronger and wiser :)

I don't ever wanna wait for this, I know that I was made for this I won't fade into dark I'm not gonna say that I'm sorry, gonna see the end of this story I won't fade into darkness

thank u for everything 5sos, see yall again when u guys release 5sos5 <3

#michael clifford #luke hemmings #ashton irwin #calum hood #sounds good feels good #5 seconds of summer #five seconds of summer #album review #pop punk #teenage angst #rant #5sos #luke 5sos #calum 5sos #ashton 5sos #michael 5sos #5sauce #5sosfam

[markets]

HIII what are ur favorite mitski songs? in no particular order and it doesnt matter hwo many u list i just really wanna get into her music and i need a good batch of songs to start <3 <3

ohhhh my god YESSSSS OKOKOK so. top two are francis forever and townie in that order though i may be biased about francis forever. after that the order kind of devolves i like i want you, nobody, stay soft, OK OK WAIT POAUSE I WENT TO HER SPOTIFY PAGE TO FIND MORE SONGS AND I FOUND OOUT SHE RELEASED A COVER OF A SONGGGG THANK YOU ANON HOLY CRAP I WOUDL NOT HAVE SEEN OTHERWISE. ummm anyways im normal about this I SWEAR so other songs of hers i like are pink in the night, a pearl, liquid smooth, real men, goodbye my danish sweetheart, anything off of bury me at makeout creek (FAVORITE ALBUM OF ALL TIME), a burning hill, two slow dancers, come into the water, umm yeah ok i know you said to give oyu as many as i wanted BUT at this rate i will list her whole discography so. HOPE YOU LIKE THEM ANONNNN honorable mention to a loving feeling which is super underrated in my opinion but that might be because for a time period of about two weeks it described my entire life in near perfect detail and i couldnt stop listening to it so. ENJOY!!!!!! :D

#angieanswers.txt #LOVE U ANON

[saint-of-los-angeles]

Don’t Go Away Mad

WOW HERE IT IS, THE LONGEST FIC I HAVE DONE. This fic was done with a coauthor, the beautiful, wonderful, talented @merryy-go-round. I’m seriously like proud of this fic and I know she is too. THANK YOU GIRL, I LOVE YOU!!!

Summery: “Tommy was dying, this had to be what death felt like. There was no other way to describe the feeling of impending doom that he was being crushed under at hearing those words. Those horrible words, uttered from a total fucking stranger’s mouth. Nikki was dead, he was gone forever, he would never look into his green eyes again.”

Another take on Nikki’s overdose and the impact it has on Tommy.

Warnings: Drug use, Overdose, general sadness. But y’all know I dont do sad endings.

Pairing: Nikki Sixx/ Tommy Lee

TAGGING A FEW PEOPLE I THINK MAY LIKE. (If you dont want tagged, feel free to message and tell me, I wont be offended I swear) @malibubarbievince @tommyysixx @the--blackdahlia @stellalux-universe @devil-shouted @sixx-tommy-roger-john @motherfucker-oftheyear @jenerallymarvelous @fan-with-issues

After a grueling press release for their upcoming album, Tommy was fucking drained, and all he wanted to do was go home, to Nikki’s, and soak up the last bits of peace before their upcoming tour began. Tommy lived for the moments where he could have the older man all to himself, when he could take the time to just study the bassist’s face and bask in the fact that he was his. Although the deeper Nikki sunk into his love affair with his liquid mistress, the farther in between these moments became.

Tommy tried so, so hard not to dwell on it, to just be happy with the time he did get with Nikki. Something was better than nothing right? They would be out of there in just a matter of minutes, if Vince would just stop fucking talking for once, and Tommy would be able to spend his night catching up on some much needed alone time with Nikki.

They didn’t have anywhere that they had to be until after Christmas day. This means Tommy gets to spend three whole days with his boyfriend, uninterrupted, which was a rare fucking feat in the crazy lives they lived. Tommy wondered if he should have the driver make a detour to stop by Nikki’s favorite restaurant to brighten his mood. He was getting way too fucking skinny, these days. Or maybe they could go to that new music store that the older man had mentioned a few weeks ago, anything, really to put a smile on Nikki’s face was fucking worth it to Tommy, a smile that he had put there, as compared to the one he gets when he’s melting down his liquid gold in a dirty spoon.

As he was mentally constructing up the perfect evening in his head, he was snapped out of his daydreaming by a rather loud sigh that rolled out from between the bassist’s lips. Nikki looked beyond impatient, and beyond ready for this press conference to just fucking end already, and to everyone else, it may look like Nikki was just ready to finally relax and get some fucking rest.  But Tommy wasn’t everyone else, and he felt the hope that he had in place for the ‘perfect night’ ahead of them extinguish like a match on a windy day.

Nikki could care less about getting out of here to spend time with Tommy, Nikki just wanted to get high.

Both men could feel the tension developing in their relationship around the time that the older man met his love affair in the form of heroin, and it was taking a toll on both of them. Before heroin, Tommy never really thought to worry about Nikki’s intake of illegal substances, because duh. Rockstars, remember?

Tommy had always previously seen the bassist as indestructible when it came to drugs. Nikki knew how to handle himself and had everything under perfect control, he had promised Tommy that he knew what he was doing and would never do anything to leave Tommy all alone. When Tommy thinks back to how fucking naive he was to think that anyone is above addiction, he has to laugh at himself. The drummer was always a little too optimistic, and maybe he still is.

Too optimistic about his relationship being perfectly normal, and healthy, and thinking things will work out on their own. Too optimistic, too stupid to realize that he has lost the Nikki that he fell so hard for, the Nikki that could look into his eyes and tell him he loved him more than anything and mean it. As much as Tommy knew he was living in a world of denial, he hoped that tonight, for just one night he could just close his eyes and pretend that he was still the most important thing in Nikki’s life.  

Nikki had been visibly irritated throughout the entire conference and Tommy barely refrained from rolling his eyes at the sight of Nikki’s clenched jaw and bouncing leg. He knew that look, he had seen it too many times over the past few months. Nikki just wanted to get the fuck out of there, so he could shoot up, and what else was new?

What had started out as yet another recreational drug to add to the long fucking list of drugs that Crue did on a daily basis, had turned into something much more sinister for the bassist, and Tommy couldnt even put a pinpoint to the moment that the drug had stolen his boyfriend, the love of his life, away from him. Maybe it was easier to ignore the alarming amount of track marks, and the always present slur in the man’s voice than to face the fact that the man he loved more than anything was a fucking junkie, and on his way to an early grave.

Before heroin, Nikki could sit and listen to Tommy ramble for hours about drum fills, how annoying his hair was being that day, how much he missed his parents, anything really. He’d sit there and listen to Tommy with a smile on his face and this look in his eyes like there was absolutely nowhere else he’d rather be.

These days, however, Tommy found himself fighting to be the center of attention for more than just a few minutes. Nikki had found a new subject of affection, and from the looks of it, the bassist probably hasn’t shot up since before they got to the conference building, which was over 4 hours ago.

As the press conference finally came to a close, thanks for finally shutting up Vince, Tommy frowned as he studied his boyfriend a little more closely. He could see the sheen of sweat that coated Nikki’s face as the bassist stood and then turned to shoot him a quick, almost nervous glance. It was the look that Tommy had seen 100 times, it was nerves mixed with guilt and it always meant that Tommy wasn't going to like what Nikki had to say.

“Hey babe, I’m gonna head out. Slash invited me out to this thing and you said you wanted to go home and crash so...” He trailed off, shrugging his shoulders and avoiding eye contact at all cost. Tommy scoffed loudly causing Nikki to shoot him a surprised glance.

Tommy rarely objected to these things, knowing it was a losing battle anyway, and being too afraid to send the older man scattering away to a hiding spot that he would eventually die in, but something about Nikki’s tone, as if he expected Tommy to just be totally fine with being ditched had Tommy unable to bite his tongue this time.

“Yeah, as in go home and crash with you,” Tommy began as he stood, stepping in front of the exit to prevent the other man from leaving. “My boyfriend who hasn’t spoken more than ten sentences to me today. Seriously you can’t go one fucking night with choosing me over shooting that fucking poison into your neck, Nik?” Tommy’s sharp tone surprised even himself, as stared down into the slightly shorter man’s eyes.

All of the feelings of fear, frustration and anger that Tommy had been suppressing for months seemed to come to the surface and it surprised him as much as it surprised Nikki. The older man’s eyes reflected the hurt and confusion at his words, who then was shushing him when he noticed the stares from various bystanders who were still lingering around the large room.

Tommy continued speaking without bothering to lower his voice. “What Nikki? Don’t want everyone to think you’re some sort of junkie?” The words felt cruel coming out of his mouth and he almost instantly felt sick to his stomach saying the word “junkie” to Nikki, but he couldn’t back down now. He watched the other man still at his words and watched as his expression shifted from confused to pissed.

“You know what Tommy, fuck you. I don’t need your fucking permission. Just fuck off.” The bassist was sneering at Tommy as he twirled around to leave.

“Hey, we aren’t done with this!” Tommy started as he reached to grab Nikki’s shoulder to spin him around to face the drummer’s fiery eyes once again. Tommy was a little shocked over his own actions, where did this wave of anger come from? They had small arguments all the time, they were both passionate, headstrong people, but things never escalated to the point where things were unmendable. If Tommy stopped now things would go back to how they were, and they would just ignore that this ever happened. But no, fuck that, Tommy was upset, he had been for fucking months and he had held it in for as long as he could, and now that he had let a little out, he couldnt seem to reel in his emotions.

Nikki looked just as shocked as Tommy did, but underneath his bewildered expression at the treatment he was receiving from his usually happy and carefree boyfriend, was the desperation of an addict that just wanted to fucking shoot up already, and Tommy was preventing that.

“Yes we fucking are Tommy, I’m done with this conversation, Slash is waiting for me, I’ll see you later.” Tommy could hear the barely restrained anger bubbling under Nikki’s words and something about that irked him to no end. How dare Nikki be upset, when he’s the one leaving Tommy to go home alone for the thousandth fucking time, so that he can go inject some poison into his veins?

“Nikki, if you fucking leave, don’t expect me to be there when you get home.” The words felt foreign and WRONG on Tommy’s lips. Part of him wanted to immediately retract the statement and hug Nikki, because back when Nikki and him had first admitted their feelings, Nikki had admitted in a moment of pure trust and love that Tommy leaving him was always his worst fear. Tommy always promised him that nothing he could do would ever push him away. But Tommy was so angry, and above anything else, he was hurt that Nikki would put some amber liquid in a needle above him,  who had always been there for him, even when the bassist was terrified of love and tried pushing him away.

"I swear if you leave then I am done with this shit. I can’t watch you do this anymore. You are killing yourself, you do realize that right? I mean, fuck Nikki, I don’t know if I would have fallen in love with you if you were this person when we met.”

Tommy watched as Nikki’s shocked expression turned into pure hurt for a split second, before morphing into the most venomous sneer Tommy had ever seen from Nikki. He knew before the words were out of his mouth that he had gone too far. Nikki had barely been controlling his anger before, but at the harsh words it was as if a switch was flipped.

His loving boyfriend was nowhere to be found. Tommy had never felt afraid of Nikki before, but the look of pure disbelief and fear mixed with anger and confusion was enough to scare him. Tommy could tell that Nikki had completely shut down at this point, and could see the tremors the man was succumbing to, whether it was from the need for drugs, or from holding back his anger, he didn’t know.

Tommy would prefer a punch straight to the face rather than see the pain that he caused on the elder’s features, it would be substantially less painful.

Even Mick, who had been sitting awkwardly on one of the plush couches that the pair had just been occupying even looked shocked at the explosion that seemed to come from nowhere.

Tommy was about to speak again, the overwhelming feelings of guilt and regret immediately replacing the feelings of anger. He was just hurt, and he wanted to just tell Nikki that, how he felt like sometimes he couldn’t fucking breathe when he thought about Nikki out there shooting up a substance that could end his life one day, but Nikki beat him to it.

“You know what, you’re right, Tom. I have changed, and maybe I’m tired of having a boyfriend who just bitches about everything I do instead of having any fucking fun. Thanks for the fucking reality check, babe.” Nikki all but ground out with eyes hardening more and more, the more he spoke. “If you’ll excuse me, I have important business to tend to. You know how us junkies are.” Tommy could barely hear the crack in the older man’s voice that caused his heart to ache, and all he wanted to do was just take it back.

Before Tommy could get his mouth to connect with his brain Nikki was already storming off in the direction of the exit. Using his shoulder to push past the stunned drummer, roughly jolting him to the side.

Mick stared in silence at the youngest member of the band, when Vince decided that he finally wanted to grace the rest of them with his presence, all smiles as he bounded over to Tommy, throwing a casual arm around his shoulder. “Guess we can ditch this place, yeah? Dude, where’s Nikki?”

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After a quiet explanation of the bassist’s whereabouts, Tommy allowed himself to be drug along to Vince’s favorite strip club, and honestly he was grateful for the distraction. He had never been so appreciative of Mick’s non-prying nature and Vince’s absolute inability to worry about anything that doesn’t directly affect his life. If he had gone to his empty apartment he was sure he would be driven mad by the constant replay of the look of betrayal and hurt on Nikki’s face in his mind. So here he sits with his fifth- no sixth?- whiskey sour and he wants more than anything to press rewind and take everything back.

Now that he had calmed down and had time to process what the fuck had happened, and the words exchanged, he was left with such intense feelings of self loathing that he was sure that he would collapse under the pressure if not for the barstool he was currently sat on. Why did he snap at Nikki like that?

Despite Nikki’s shitty attitude and distant nature lately, he knew deep down that Nikki was really sick, and he had always been bad at expressing love in relationships, why should this relationship be any different? Tommy wanted to help Nikki through his issues, not make them worse.

Tommy had already started making plans to apologize to Nikki as soon as possible when his world suddenly changed forever. He didn’t process the words when he heard them, he just blankly looked up to stare at these three dudes talking amongst themselves, arms waving dramatically in what appeared to be disbelief.

“Dude, did you hear?”

“Nikki Sixx overdosed on smack dude, he was hanging out with Slash from Guns and Roses, he’s the one who found him.”

“Shut up”

“I swear, dude, so long Motley Crue, huh? Fucking sucks, I loved them.”

No.

Nikki didn’t overdose, not even in Tommy’s worst fucking nightmares did Nikki overdose. Nikki swore he’d never leave him, swore he had it under control. How the fuck did these guys know Nikki was with Slash tonight? This wasn’t true, this couldn’t be fucking true, but everything in Tommy’s gut was telling him it was.

What the fuck, what the fuck, what the FUCK?

Tommy was dying, this had to be what death felt like. There was no other way to describe the feeling of impending doom that he was being crushed under at hearing those words. Those horrible words, uttered from a total fucking stranger’s mouth. Nikki was dead, he was gone forever, he would never look into his green eyes again, and what was the last thing that Tommy had even said to Nikki? It sure as hell wasn’t ‘I love you’ or anything that would have told the bassist that he was Tommy’s entire universe, because he was goddamnit.

No, his last words were spoken in rage and Tommy didn’t think he could handle this much, he was choking, he was dying, but death would be preferable at this point, because his options were either die, or live a life without Nikki.

Not even feeling or acknowledging the tears on his cheeks that fell from his puffy eyes, Tommy brought a hand up and put it over his chest, feeling his heart pump pump pumping under his fingertips and let out what could only be described as a primal wail.

He willed his heart to fall still under his fingers because nothing could be worse than this, nothing could be worse than this raw, gnawing pain that seemed to start in his chest and overtake his whole being. He could feel Vince’s hand on his shoulder, but the touch of comfort only burned him. He didn’t want the comfort, he didn’t want to feel comfort in a world where Nikki no longer existed.

Vince was definitely yelling his name now, lightly smacking his cheek in a sorry attempt to get him to snap out of the trance he had fallen in, but Tommy felt like he was underwater. Everything was coming out muffled, his ears felt stuffed full and most of all he felt like he was drowning, suffocating under the weight of the information he had just learned from these total fucking strangers.

Tommy forced himself to make eye contact with his lead singer, taking in the unshed tears in the blonde’s eyes that were overflowing with a mixture of grief for his late bandmate, and overwhelming concern for the one he left behind.

He wanted to talk to Vince, to lie and tell him that he was okay but he needed to go process this information alone, but he just couldn't bring his brain to form a coherent lie. He opened his mouth to speak, and all that came out were strangled sobs as he reached up to grab fistfuls of his own hair, tugging on the dark locks out of pure desperation. He felt Vince’s hands under his armpits, and he realized he must have been falling at some point, struggling to keep his own feet underneath him, but it was like all his body even knew how to do in this moment was cry.

“Tommy- Jesus Christ man- I don’t- I’m so fucking sorry- I…” Vince looked absolutely lost, completely unsure what to say, and wrecked if Tommy was being honest, and despite really wanting to comfort his friend of so many years, because Vince had lost Nikki too, Tommy did the only thing he physically could at the moment- he told Vince the truth.

“I- I wish I was fucking dead too, Vin- I can’t…”

Tommy regretted allowing that feeling to slip past his lips immediately as he looked into the widening eyes of his frontman, and as Vince opened his lips to respond, Tommy was turning and sprinting out of the club, shoving past anyone in his way. He could vaguely hear Vince yelling his name behind him and the fading sound of Vince’s boots pounding behind him.

Tommy was gratefu thatl the adrenaline and his longer legs could get him the fuck out of there, away from Vince’s worried eyes, away from those strangers who knew that his boyfriend was dead before he even did, and away from that nightmare of a club.

He knew he’d never be able to step foot in that place ever again.

—-

Tommy wasn’t sure how he even made it to Nikki’s house, honestly. Everything leading up to this moment was a blur in time, making Tommy question how long it had even been since he heard the devastating news.

Not that it mattered, time had no meaning to the drummer anymore.

Raising his hand to knock on the door, the younger man stopped himself and let out a sob at the realization that there was no fucking point in knocking. No one lived here anymore.

So Tommy took out his spare key instead, the metal seemingly burning in his hands as he opened the door to the house he had entered so many times, but now that would never be the same.

There would be no more late night conversations in this house, no more early morning make out sessions- morning breath and all. No more hiding out in Nikki’s music room, writing lyrics and banging out drum fills until the sun rose through the tall windows of Nikki’s second story. No more pathetic attempts at surprising Nikki with brunch- only to set off every single fire alarm the bassist had in the house. No more smiling, no more laughter, no more making love.

Not in this house and not anywhere in the drummer’s life, ever again.

Tears were giving way to anger at this point. Anger at himself for not just flushing all of Nikki’s shit, anger at Nikki for not just coming home with him tonight, and anger at the universe for taking the best thing in Tommy’s life and keeping it somewhere where he would never be able to reach.

That anger needed an outlet, and that outlet came in the form of absolutely destroying anything that the drummer could get his hands on. Everything pissed him off to look at. Everything in this house was just a horrible reminder of what he had lost and in that moment, Tommy wanted everything to feel just as wrecked as he did.

Ignoring the sting in his hands as he threw various vases, records, and other breakable objects against the walls, Tommy was oblivious to the tears that flowed from his eyes as his fist made contact with the TV screen and his foot kicked a sizable hole in his late boyfriend’s drywall.

Tommy’s chest was heaving with the struggle to take in air as he knelt on the floor in the wreckage he had created. Nikki’s place was unrecognizable, and he could feel his knees stinging from the sharp prick of the broken glass he was kneeling in- and where the fuck did that come from, anyway?

Tommy could finally see the scene around him, as his body had run out of tears. The tears had dried up, his body had no more to give, but the sobs remained, choking him in a vice like grip around his throat, and all Tommy could think was he wished that these sobs could actually choke him to death, so he could see Nikki and tell him that he loved him, and that he didn’t mean a goddamn word he said when they had all those stupid fucking fights.

As Tommy continued to survey the scene around him, he noticed a baggie poking out from underneath Nikki’s couch, and he knew instantly what that baggie contained.

Heroin was never his drug of choice, he preferred the euphoric burst of energy and unbridled emotions that cocaine gave him. Tommy loved feeling emotions, everything he felt, he felt in excess, it had always been that way, so the synthetic effects of cocaine on his emotions were always a good time to the drummer.

At first, Tommy could feel nothing but all encompassing anger surging through his veins the longer he looked at the corner of that baggie, because that evil shit took his Nikki away, but the more Tommy thought about it, the more he realized that Nikki took those drugs because they numbed him, and there was nothing on this Earth that Tommy wanted more than for this pain to go away.

It was as if his body was on autopilot, and he was now standing with the small bag clenched in his fist, relishing in the sting of his fingernails digging into his palm. He shuddered as his choking sobs dwindled down to hiccups. What was the point of life without Nikki anyways? How the fuck would he ever feel joy again after this night? Tommy just wanted for everything to just stop.

Tommy had only done this devil drug once before, the curiosity surrounding the drug turned into an impulse decision one late night a few months prior, in this very house, with the very man he was mourning.

Tommy was laying on Nikki’s bed, watching as the bassist started to nod off from the drugs injected only moments ago. Tommy frowned at the sight of the bloody needle now laying loosely in the man’s open fist, the object mesmerized the drummer. That tiny object brought his boyfriend so much pleasure, he was almost jealous.

“What does it feel like?” The younger man asked, not for the first time. He was always curious, the euphoric look on Nikki’s face after shooting up had always seemed to outdo any other drug that he subjected himself to, and Tommy just wanted to know what the hype was about.

“You wanna find out?” Nikki had murmured back, his response slightly delayed as his cloudy mind processed the other man’s words. Even in his hazy state, it took the bassist by surprise when Tommy stated that he did, in fact, want to shoot up.

Tommy didn’t remember much from that night aside from Nikki’s still hands calming his shaking arm, nerve’s wracking his lanky frame as the older man plunged the liquid poison into his veins.

He also remembered Nikki’s hands rubbing up and down his back, holding his hair back, and Nikki’s voice soothing him as he emptied his stomach into the toilet for what must have been the 5th time that night.

After that night Tommy had sworn to never use heroin again. He didn’t like the nausea or the feeling of being numb. He didn’t understand why Nikki would ever want to feel so empty all of the time, but right now, it seemed like Tommy’s only way out of this nightmare.

With shaking hands Tommy moved to the closet where he knew Nikkis kept his rigs and clean needles. With a pang in his chest he wondered if he should have fought harder to stop his boyfriend from destroying himself, if as angry as he had been with Nikki this whole time, if this was actually his fault all along. If he could have saved the bassist from himself after all, if he had just flushed his shit and forced him into rehab.

The thought of that was too painful to bear.

Having watched Nikki do this so many times Tommy felt almost proud of himself in a sick way for knowing exactly how to do this. Taking the now prepared syringe over to Nikki’s well worn in couch he sat on the floor with his back resting against the couch, and took a deep breath. A quick, borderline hysterical laugh escaped his lips as he realized he was really going to do this.

He was such a fucking hypocrite.

For the first time in his life, Tommy relished in the pain that came from prick of the needle instead of cringing away from it, because it was the first time since hearing the news that Tommy felt anything besides the pain of losing Nikki.

As he pushed the plunger down Tommy relished in the warm escape, taking note of the lack of nausea he felt this time.

‘Hey maybe Nikki was right, it does go away.’ Tommy’s hand fell away loosely and his head lolled forward as the drugs coursed through his veins, and he felt his overwhelming emotional pain ebb away into an undeniable bliss.

The last coherent thought that Tommy had before succumbing to the warm darkness around him was of piercing green eyes and long black hair.

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Nikki’s first thoughts upon waking up in the hospital were of Tommy. Of course they were, he loved that boy, and he had said horrible fucking things to him, he missed him, he needed him.

He felt alone for the first time since Tommy and he had made themselves official.

He didn’t focus on anything the doctors were saying, didn’t listen to their cries of protest as he ripped  out his IV, feeling the blood dripping down to his wrist for the second time that day, to shove his way out of the hospital doors before anyone could keep him longer, preventing him from seeing the only thing that could really heal him at the moment. He wanted, no needed, to see Tommy to explain for himself what had happened, that it had been an accident, he never meant to leave him. He couldn’t imagine if the roles were reversed, and he was under the impression that the love of his life had died without him and with a needle in his arm.

The thought made him sick.

His first thought was to go straight to Tommy’s place, but when he arrived, his heart dropped when he saw that the other man’s car was nowhere to be found. Shaking his head in defeat, he used his key to enter anyway, disappointed but not surprised when he found the apartment empty and dark. Rushing into the kitchen, he picked up Tommy’s phone and dialed his own phone number, slamming the phone down in frustration when he hit his own voicemail.

Nikki took a deep breath and dialed Vince’s number, hoping that the singer might know the whereabouts of his missing boyfriend.

Tommy didn’t know it, but Nikki had asked Vince several times in rare moments of drunken vulnerability to always watch after Tommy if he couldn't, and he prayed that the singer had held up his promise that he would.

“Tommy! Jesus fuck, man, thank god you’re okay.” That was not what Nikki had hoped to hear, and the crack in Vince’s intensely relieved voice did nothing to sooth the burning pit in his stomach when he learned that no- Tommy wasn’t with Vince, and he seemed pretty fucking worried about the drummer.

“Listen, Tommy, it was a big fucking misunderstanding. Just stay there and I’m gonna come over there right now and we can go to the hospital-” Nikki couldn't listen to anymore of this, and cut the other man off before he could continue.

“Wait up, Vince, it’s me.” Shocked silence met Nikki’s ear in reply, and god dammit Vince, you choose now to shut up?

“It’s Nikki, Vin. I’m trying to find Tommy, where the fuck is he? Why wouldn’t he be okay?” The bassist could hear the desperation in his own voice as he spoke, and willed Vince to open his fucking mouth because one more minute of not knowing where his scared, hurting boyfriend was was probably going to kill him and-

“Nikki? Oh god, you fucking idiot, it’s so good to hear your voice. I don't know what to do, Nik, Tommy lost his shit on me when he heard you were dead, and has been missing ever since. I’ve never seen him like that, he kept talking all this nonsense about wanting to die too, he ran and he was too fucking fast that long legged motherfucker-” Nikki slammed the phone down back onto it’s base not even bothering to respond as sprinted out the front door and hailed the first taxi that came by, spewing out the address to his home in Van Nuys. He hoped that he would find Tommy at the place that held the majority of their memories.

He also hoped he didn’t fucking puke on the way there, because the thought of Tommy running away after finding out his boyfriend was dead and talking about wanting to join him made Nikki’s stomach lurch more than his own overdose ever could.

Upon arriving at his house, he knew that something was off when he noticed that his front door was unlocked. Now on high alert he walked slowly through the threshold and paused, shocked at the sight in front of him.

The house was absolutely trashed. Not in a ‘party that got too out of hand’ way though, no this was done with intent. Before he could dwell too much on the state of his place he noticed a figure on his couch and the image before him would haunt him for the rest of his life.

Nikki swore his heart stopped for the second time that day upon seeing his boyfriend slumped against the couch, needle sticking out of his arm with blood dried all the way down to his wrist, looking all but dead with his skin a shade paler than normal, and his dark hair falling in front of his face.

Nikki wanted to move, wanted to go shake shake shake Tommy until he woke up, until he saw those beautiful brown eyes that he never failed to get lost in, but his feet were glued to the floor.

This was his fucking fault.

He chose to blow the love of his fucking life off for fucking heroin, continued to do so for fucking months, got himself killed, and wouldn’t it be so fucking ironic if Nikki was given a second chance at life, only to find Tommy dead from a drug overdose?

It was like the universe knew that the only thing worse to Nikki than being dead, is not having Tommy, and it wasn’t hesitating to throw that terrifying piece of information right into Nikki’s face.

Begging his feet to move, his body finally listened to his brain as he stumbled towards Tommy, falling forward onto his hands and knees to crawl himself towards the drummer, fear still knotting up his gut.

His fingers itched to touch Tommy, to move the hair out of his face, feel his neck for a pulse, do something, ANYTHING. It took his mind a few seconds to convince his body to move, and Nikki sobbed in relief when his fingertips came into contact with a warm, very much alive cheek.

Suddenly feeling as if he had control of his body again, Nikki was pulling the needle out of his boyfriend's arm gently, as if moving too quickly could harm the drummer despite his unconscious state. Looking at the drummer's slack face had hot, fat tears running down the older man's face for what felt like the hundredth time that night. Pulling Tommy into his arms, feeling the familiar weight that he had held in his embrace for so many nights was almost too much for Nikki. His own trauma that he had endured that night, as well as looking at the pain that he had caused the love of his life made holding tears in impossible. He made no effort to hold back his sobs as he sniffled, and felt concern bubble up when Tommy let out no acknowledgment of his presence other than a soft grunt that could have easily been missed if the bassist hadn't been so hyper aware of everything involving his boyfriend at the moment.

Tommy hated smack, Nikki knew that. He didn't like the way smack made him feel and he didn't like that it took Nikki away from him, and the needle laying a few feet away where Nikki had tossed it and the blood staining Tommy's arm was a horrible reminder that he did this to Tommy.

Nikki knew he should move Tommy off of the filthy ground, get him out of this mess of debris and broken glass, but for the moment he was just going to hold him, and bury his face in his hair to dry the tears off of his cheeks. Inhaling with a small smile at the pleasant smell that wafted from the drummer’s hair, Nikki pushed his face a little deeper into it to try to get more, as if the smell could take away the absolute shitshow that was going on around him.

Tommy had just gotten a new shampoo recently, and Nikki remembered how much Tommy's eyes had lit up when Nikki commented on it, as if he couldn't believe that the bassist had noticed. Which was fair, considering he barely noticed anything other than when his smack supply was getting low these days.

So Nikki sat there, holding his boyfriend and praying- yes praying- that wherever Tommy was in his heroin induced haze he knew that he wasn't alone.

That Nikki was here, he didn't leave him all alone.

That despite Nikki's harsh words and distant attitude lately, he fucking loved him, and he was so, so sorry. As he sat there holding the younger boy, he finally had the chance to survey the destruction around them. He couldn’t picture his loving and kind Tommy possessing enough anger to cause this big of a mess. His eyes widened as he noticed that among the shattered whiskey bottles and- jesus, was that his record collection?- sat the collection of, now broken, awards that Motley had won over the years.

Could Tommy really love Nikki so much that the news of his ‘death’ could cause this much of a reaction?

Reaching down to cup the drummers lax face in his hand Nikki felt his tears return as he realized that his death would have an effect on his sweet boy. This had to end, because while Nikki could live with killing himself, at least this version of himself, he knew there was no part of him in this life or the afterlife that could live with killing Tommy.

As badly as Nikki’s fingers itched to go find whatever smack he had left in the house and shoot it to bury this overwhelming guilt at seeing his boyfriend passed out from a drug he despised in the middle of all this wreckage, instead Nikki was standing, picking up his lover’s lank form in his arms to make his way up the stairs to his bedroom.

Carrying Tommy proved to be harder than anticipated because despite the drummer’s naturally skinny form, Nikki’s own body had gotten dangerously thin these days due to his diet which consisted entirely of drugs.

Nevertheless, Nikki made it up the stairs on sheer willpower alone- he was NOT letting Tommy sleep in that fucking wreckage. Laying Tommy on top of the covers as gently as he could, supporting his boyfriend’s lulling head, Nikki wanted to cry at just how much Tommy looked like he was just sleeping.

So peaceful. But of course he was peaceful. Tommy was in a world where his boyfriend was alive, hadn’t overdosed on heroin, hadn’t selfishly chose drugs over someone he claimed to love every single fucking day.

Nikki lay down beside Tommy, gently rolling Tommy over so he could spoon him from behind, holding him tightly to his chest just like he did every night when he slept.

Nikki let his tears fall, hoping and praying that when Tommy woke up, he would recognize the familiarity of their position, and recognize the arms that held him like this.

Nikki pressed a kiss into Tommy’s hair on the back of his head, trying desperatly to keep his tired eyelids open as he listened to his boyfriend’s breathing, wondering how the fuck he was going to fix this, how he was going to remedy this situation when he didn’t even deserve Tommy in the first place.

——-

When Tommy’s eyes blearily opened hours later, the first thing that registered was- fuck his head hurt. The second thing that registered was the flood of overwhelming emotions and the sting of hot tears when he remembered the events of the previous night. The third thing that registered that he was in Nikki’s bed and someone was behind him, holding on for dear life- but wait- he knew those arms and it couldn't be true-

Turning over in the tight hold the older man had on him, Tommy felt lightheaded as his eyes met the shimmering green ones that he had been chasing in his split second decision to shoot up Nikki’s remaining stash.

Nikki looked horrible, he was covered in a sheen of sweat that Tommy very clearly recognized as the withdrawal sweats, and his eyes were bloodshot from what looked like a combination of exhaustion and tears.

“I’m dead”. Tommy croaked out, because that was the only reasonable explanation. This had to be heaven, but fuck, who let heaven give him such a bad fucking migraine? Or maybe it was hell, and they let him wake up in Nikki’s arms, only to drag him away later. Tommy didn’t think he could survive that though, even in hell.

An appropriate punishment though, for allowing his boyfriend to die thinking Tommy didn’t want him around anymore.

Tommy watched Nikki’s face contort with the most pained expression he had ever seen from the bassist, and his breath caught when Nikki shook his head.

“You’re not dead, baby boy, and neither am I.”

Tommy couldn't speak, so he settled for just staring into Nikki’s eyes. His beautiful green eyes, that were always Tommy’s favorite part of Nikki. They looked so real and so alive, but Tommy was afraid to believe.

“They brought me back baby, the EMT’s brought me back. I’m… I’m so fucking sorry.”

From there it was all fists clenched into T-shirt’s, tears soaking into hair, sobs getting lost into shoulders and hurried kisses pressed against heated skin.

“This won’t happen again baby.. You.. you mean so much more to me than anything, Tommy, anything, and I swear I’m getting off of this shit for you.”

“I didn’t mean it Nik, not a goddamn fucking word-“

“Stop baby, you don't have to explain, I know. It was all me, I was an asshole, I put the thing that was gonna fucking kill me above the thing trying to save me, and I’m so sorry, I swear to fucking god Tommy, never again.”

Tommy pulled his head out of its hiding spot in Nikki’s shoulder, and one look at the bassist’s teary, but determined face let Tommy know that yeah, Nikki meant it. He was so used to Nikki’s lying face by now, the face he gets when he just tells Tommy what he wants to hear, and this isn’t it.

So Tommy thumbed away his boyfriend’s tears, feeling his own slip down his face as he pressed a desperate, longing kiss to Nikki’s lips, smiling as he felt them tremble as they pushed back with just as much desperation.

And just like that, Tommy could breathe again.

#nikki sixx x tommy lee #tommy lee x nikki sixx #tommy/nikki #Terrorcest

[royalrhaposdy]

Of Course I Care [ Brian May ]

Word count: 1.2k+

Request: Heyy, i only wanted to tell you that i love te way you write, it’s so cooooool. I was just wondering, could you do a Brian x Reader roommate au? iluuuu

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

_________________________________________

Your morning was already off to a rough start, you had woken up late, with no time for breakfast and now you couldn’t find your bag that had paperwork that had to be submitted today. You were running around the flat desperately trying to locate your missing bag. In the meantime, your roommate, Brian, was just watching you with a big smirk plastered on his face.

Realization hit you, you must have left your bag lying around. One thing you have learned after living with Brian was he really hated it when you left your belongings just lying around, “Brian, where did you put my bag?”

“Y/N, if you would put stuff away, you’d know where it is.”, you groaned, you knew he was just trying to teach you a lesson normally you would’ve just apologized but you were getting later by the second.

“Please Bri, I’m already late,” you were getting ready to beg when Brian just let out a big sigh and said, “It’s in the closet where it belongs.” You rushed to the closet, pulled your bag out, and rushed out the door.

You and Brian had met in college and had almost instantaneously felt comfortable with him. It didn’t take long for you two to become best friends. He would invite you to come to Smile’s gigs and you would invite him to your art exhibitions; you were each other's biggest fans. Once the both of you graduated you decided to find an apartment together. It’s been about three years since you moved in with Brian and it was still one of the best decisions you’ve ever made; he was the perfect roommate and the perfect best friend.

Eight long hours later you finally returned home from work. You opened the door to find Brian sitting on the couch strumming his guitar, he looked up at you when you entered the room. “How was work?”,he asked.

“It was fine, my boss didn’t even seem to notice that I was late, thank god.” You sat in the chair across from him and put your feet up, it was good to be home.

He nodded and began strumming his guitar again. A comfortable silence fell between the two of you, you closed your eyes and listened to the first few chords of Keep Yourself Alive, when all of a sudden he spoke up and asked, “Hey Y/N, are you doing anything tonight?”

“No, I’m not, why?”every time Brian invited you to anything it was always fun.

“Queen was invited to play at the club downtown, do you wanna come?”

“I’d love to! What time?” you were hoping you’d have a few more minutes to relax before you had to start getting ready.

“Umm, I think it starts at 10, but I have to leave at 9.” you glanced over at the clock on the wall, it was somehow already 8:00, you’d definitely have to start getting ready now.

You quickly pushed yourself up off the chair and gave Brian a pat on the shoulder as you made your way towards your room. “Good luck tonight, I know you guys will kill it like always.”

He smiled up at you, “If you get there before the show come backstage, I’ll give security your name.”

“Okay thanks, Bri, I’ll see you there.”

After taking a shower, drying and styling your air, applying makeup and choosing an outfit you were finally ready to go.

You grabbed your car keys and checked the time, it was only 9:15, you were delighted that you still had time to wish the guys good luck before their set.

Fifteen minutes later you pulled up to the club and made your way in, you noticed that the crowds seem to be tripling in size every time you go to see Queen perform. You made your way past security and to the boys’ dressing room. You knocked on the door it was quickly opened up by a very hyper looking Roger. “Hey Rog, how are you?” you quickly found yourself wrapped in a hug.

“I’m great love,” he said as he gestured for you to come in. You gave the same greeting to all of the boys before settling into the seat beside Brian. “The crowd out there is huge, congrats guys!”

Freddie was beaming at your comment, “It’s all thanks to the release of our album, darling.” You sat around chatting to the band until a man came into the dressing room to give the guys a 5-minute warning.

“Well guys, I guess that’s my cue to go find a place to watch from. Go kill it.”

As you left the room and made your way to the stage you noticed that the room was even more packed than before. Luckily you were able to find a good spot to watch the boys from.

As always you enjoyed every minute of their set, it never ceases to amaze you how easily they connected with the crowd. Once the set was over you made your way backstage to congratulate the boys on a great set. As you made your way into the dressing room you couldn’t help but blurt out, “You guys absolutely killed it, they loved you!” The smiles on the boys' faces told you that they already knew how well they did.

“Thanks, Y/N, hey the boys and I were offered free drinks you wanna stay?” as much as Brian’s offer was tempting, you were absolutely exhausted and had a ton of paperwork to finish.

“Thanks for the offer guys but I think I’m going to go home, don’t get too drunk now.” The boys couldn’t help but laugh at your comment. You said your goodbyes and headed home.

You were used to Brian staying out late partying with the boys since Queen really got popular every Friday night Brian would be out until 3 in the morning partying with the boys.

You had even developed a routine, Brian was a creature of habit he would always be home by 3am like clockwork. He would never come home super drunk but you always like to be there to help him just in case.  

When you arrived home, you got ready for bed and set your alarm on your phone for 2:30am and then went to bed.

2:30 came way quicker then you had hoped it would, you got up and sat on the couch to wait for Brian. However, 3 am came and went but Brian hadn’t come home yet, you began to panic this wasn’t like him at all.

You were all of a sudden woken up to the sound of a kettle boiling, you must have somehow fallen asleep on the couch last night.

You drowsily walked into your kitchen to find a tried looking Brian making tea, you so relieved to see he was okay but your temper began to boil at the sight of him.  “Why the hell didn’t you come home! I was so worried about you!” your sudden outburst caused Brian to jump.

“Jeez Y/N, it's fine I got too drunk so I decided to sleep in my car, calm down.”

“Calm down?! I was worried sick. God your such a twat sometimes.”

Brian began to laugh and walked closer to you, “Aweeee, does someone care about me?” you couldn’t help but let out a little laugh the goofy smile of his always got you.

“Of course I care about you. You’re my best friend.” he pulled you into a tight hug before whispering in your ear, “Are you still mad at me?”

You shook your head and smiled up at him, “No but you better not do that ever again.”

#Brian May #brian may one shot #brian may x reader #gwilym!brian #Queen #queen fanfiction #brian may imagine #bohemian rhapsody #bohemian rhapsody fanfiction #bohemian rhapsody story #royalraphsodywrites #gwilym lee one shot #roommate au

[livingasaghost]

lover album review.

i forgot that you existed / such a CUTE bop!!! like it’s not my favorite opener obviously but i like how sweet it is like - Yeah! i’m indifferent! i don’t give a shit about you! also it’s catchy as hell and i love the production and how she’s kinda speak singing. and when she mentions rep! oof! a solid beginning but nothing super overwhelming. just a BOP! 7/10

cruel summer / definitely getaway car meets out of the woods thus it is a JAM i LOVE IT the more i listen to it - especially the bridge oof!! i have a feeling it’s gonna be so good on tour but right now i don’t think it’s in my top 5? i like that it sounds super 80s though - and her lil scream at the end in the bridge!!! oof!! “i love you aint that the worst thing you ever heard!!!” 8.5/10

lover / first listen was VERY subpar but the longer i listen to the cute lil chorus and the bridge i’m SOLD! it reminds me of kesha meets kacey musgraves and i really love love LOVE how the chorus goes “MY MY MY MY...lover.” it’s just very cute and sweet and LOVERLY and i hope i can relate to it one day! not the best title track but definitely gets better on every listen. 7/10

the man / i thought this would be more of a fave (and i think it will be down the line) but right now i’m just hung up on the IDEA it’s such a good CONCEPT and obviously the lyrics are INCREDIBLE!! i think it’s a little underwhelming in some ways but i really love the bridge and the implications and the BITCHES OOF GO OFF SIS! also sounds VERY 80s 8/10

the archer / this remains my favorite pre-release single and i think it’s still in my top 5 of the album. like the lyrics, the production, the message...all of it makes it a god tier track five. i think it’ll shift around a little but i still think it’s just...FLAWLESS. i love the bridge and the end bits so much!!! 9.5/10

i think he knows / AN UNEXPECTED BOP!!!! I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!! great production, catchy af, i don’t even care if the lyrics are almost meaningless it’s so FUN!!! i really want to hear it on tour honestly! and the chorus kinda reminds me of beyonce in a way??? AND THE DRUM PART INTO THE FINAL CHORUS!!! AFTER THE BRIDGE!!! POETIC CINEMA!!!! FSDGJLDFSFHJ 8.5/10

miss americana & the heartbreak prince / OKAY so i think this is one that will change a LOT in the next few months bc first listen i was like “....ew” but it’s very much a lana del rey/king of my heart kinda song? nothing really WRONG with it just...not my fave? so it’s at the bottom bc i’m kinda indifferent to it? i like the thoughts behind it though so who knows. i feel like the more i listen the more i’ll love it! but rn i don’t the hype lol 7/10

paper rings / A FUCKING BOP OH MY GOD!!! THE FIRST TIME I HEARD THE BEGINNING I COULDNT STOP SMILING!!!! it reminds me of blitzkrieg bop in the best way!!! 1 2 3 4 !!!!! like i didn’t think this song would sound like this but in a GOOD WAy i feel like all the songs i didnt think id like are the ones that are just HUGE BOPS! 9.5/10

cornelia street / so the first time i heard it i don’t think i was that attached to it but the SECOND TIME OOF!!! a lot of people said this would be my fave and honestly.......it might be. it’s so sad but also hopeful and happy and sweet and i really like the sentiment of it! and the production is SO GOOOD and it’s catchy too? 9.5/10

death by a thousand cuts / this song is like...kinda weird but also it’s amazing?? i love the guitar part and the piano background like OOF it’s so catchy and beachy and cute? but it also sounds like bleachers? idk like it’s a break up song but it’s also a bop! ALSO THE BRIDGE!!! SO GOOD!!!! 8/10

london boy / THE DARK HORSE I NEVER SAW COMING! this is very TIWWCHNT and it reminds me of early pure heroine lorde but it’s just SO CATCHY AND GOOD!!! and also obviously it’s red white and royal blue GARBAGE i just LOVE IT!! and it’s so fun bc like now i’ve been to london so i can like ~relate~ you know?? BUT GOD I LOVE THE ENGLISH!!!!! so anyway tour is gonna pop OFF this is def in the my top five i think 9.5/10

soon you’ll get better / ...what the fuck taylor

but for real the guitar on this is so soft and genius and the lyrics are perfect and i was having VIVID flashbacks to when my grandma had cancer and it’s truly...so much to handle. she sounds so young on this song like never grow up vibes except...it’s cancer. 10/10

false god / so first listen i was like WHOMST IS THIS and it was very forgettable but the more i listen the more i think it’s growing on me? the production is so fresh and unlike taylor but the lyrics are really cool and it kinda reminds me of dress in some ways? i think i’ll like this more in the cold when it’s really dark out at night like the sax reminds me a lot of bon iver in a good way OOF OKAY I LIKE THIS MORE EVERY TIME I LISTEN THIS IS FINE but first time i was very much like......confused lol 7/10

you need to calm down / OKAY LISTEN THIS SONG IS A BOP AND IT REMAINS SO! if the archer hadn’t popped up this would be my fave pre-release single it’s just a KNOCK OUT!!! and it’s gonna go OFF ON TOUR!!!! i love the lyrics and the concept and the beat and it will always be a FAVE honestly 8/10

afterglow / another song i didn’t like the first time and now when i listen more i’m like “...okay she has rights” like it’s cute and it reminds me of miley cyrus in some ways?? but it’s also kinda forgettable sometimes and i have no serious attachment to it? who knows pretty average and yet sometimes it’s great idk v confusing 7/10

me! / I WILL ALWAYS BE BITTER THAT THEY GOT RID OF SPELLING IS FUN!!!!  but anyway this song gets too much hate for such a BOP like i know i didn’t love it the first time but she’s CUTE and she’s FUN (like spelling) and honestly even if she isn’t the best on the album i still go hard whenever i listen so FUCK ALL OF YALL 8/10

it’s nice to have a friend / i still don’t know what the fuck this song is. genuinely. like it isn’t...bad per say...she sounds good and the lyrics aren’t bad and the production isn’t...awful it’s just...weird? idk what it’s trying to be? and it’s short? i just don’t get it lol like it’s one of my least favorite songs of hers. who knows. maybe we’ll evolve idk. ?/10

daylight / i think it was a little underwhelming at first, but also it’s like........beautiful. i thought this would be my favorite and i can’t tell if i’m just projecting and saying it’s my fave when it isn’t but like.......the aesthetic, the lyrics, the production, the spoken words at the end, the concept.......it’s what i WANT. it’s my VIBE. it’s my 2019 BRAND. so anyway i’m curious to see if it stays at the top but like........i want this for the rest of forever. anyway. 10/10

extra comments //

(me giving these songs number rankings: what the fuck am i doing)

so like as per usual GENIUS but i will say i was v underwhelmed on the first listen. which happens. to be expected. but it’s all growing on me just like it always does!!! i am so excited for tour, so happy she’s happy...all of these songs are just so pure and sweet and catchy and i LOVE HER!! hehe lover but um yeah it’s definitely not in my top ranking - like i think the rankings as of now are speak now = 1989 > rep > lover = red > fearless > debut (but who the fuck knows) the longer it goes the more i think red is going to move down past fearless someday. anyway YAY LOVER!!!

— aug 23, 2019 @ 8:08pm

#lover #lover album #lover review #review #album review #music review #taylor swift album review

[heilewelt]

In words: Americana Showcase Festival UK, Januar 2019

My favorite festivals are the small and relaxed ones where every venue is just a small club within walking distance and it’s comfortable to get in every venue because there are no massive lines, the people are relaxed, no pushing and everyone is playing on time. Those are a few reasons why I fell in love with the Americana UK Showcase Festival in London the other week. A small, wonderfully curated festival in the heart of Hackney. It’s made by the Americana Music Association UK and part of the conference which took place during daytime. This year I left the conference part out but I’m pretty sure I won’t next year.

I initially went to London to (finally) see Arkansas Dave live. We met in Nashville during Americana Fest 2018 and drove around downtown to do our interview – I just arrived to late to catch him live. So, London it was. I’m so glad I went. They were amazing. The stage was shaking. Literally. Dave is not holding back on stage and when he jumped the stage would shake. The drums were shaking. Mikey was smiling behind his drums. He had a different drummer than usual but he got one of my most favorite: Mikey Sorbello of The Graveltones. I love his style. He knows Rock. Their set was a little less Americana and more stomping Rock’n’Roll. Heating up the freezing cold room or just me because I couldn’t stand still. Of course their set was a little too short – round about 30 minutes. Maybe the only downside of a showcase festival.

Once again I was lucky. The line up of the whole festival was very, very good. Arkansas Dave’s performance had been the cherry on top of two beautiful days. I also want to tell you about my ice cream performances. I was very fortunate to see Kaia Kater again. She is a Folk musician from Canada. There’s always something very earnest about her performing her songs and the way she combines traditional with modern and - as you can hear especially on her latest album “Grenades” – her own and her families stories. The Empire Bar was full. And even some other bands were seen – like Birds of Chicago. Later that same night I’d see them on stage of the Night Tales. Another highlight.

The duo, JT Nero and Allison Russell, were joined by Steve Dawson on guitar. One of the things I like about these guys is that Allison Russell actually plays a clarinet, an instrument I don’t see to often on stage. And I love how the voices work together – the roughness and the smoothness. Beautiful. My favourite moment of their set was the performance of “American Flowers” at the end and how all the music industry people joined in to song along the chorus – according to JT Nero something you shall never attempt. Haha. Well, it worked fine and was such a beautiful moment.

Ida Mae is a duo who moved from London to Nashville, musically being more at home in Nashville than in London. I’ve seen them last year in Nashville and now again in London and they’re wonderful. Growing love with every time I see them live. There’s something very comforting in their music and Chris Turpins voice and the harmony with his wife’s Stephanie Jean’s voice. I absolutely love their newest single “If You Don’t Love Me” – live it becomes even more emotional. These two are one of the bands who I believe have a big and bright future ahead of them. They’re endlessly on tour.

Here is my universal tip for you: never leave the venue when a white haired man with beard and cowboy hat enters the stage. That’s why I caught Asleep At The Wheel as a duo at a packed Moth Club. Well, a quarter of Asleep At The Wheel: Ray Benson and Katie Shore. Of course I’ve heard of them before but never saw them live. What a shame! Country right from the heart of Texas, plenty of stories and laughter. Some great cover versions, Asleep At The Wheel Songs and a song written by Benson and Shore over skype – modern times are not all bad. I’m not sure what venues they usually play but seeing Ray Benson on such a small stage felt pretty special.

I’ve only recently heard about Ethan Johns for the first time – he produced two albums which will be released soon: William the Conqueror’s “Bleeding On The Soundtrack” (release date: 15th of February 2019) and Ida Mae’s soon to be released debut album. Both on my watchlist. Johns didn’t play alone. He had The Black Eyed Dogs with him, his everchanging backing band, more a collective of musician/friends who meet on stage to play together or a public rehearse. It was fascinating to watch him as he has this way of directing the music even while they play.  Keeping it all together and then again let lose for a little jam at the end of a song.

I guess every festival must end with a bang. That’s why Whiskey Shivers were the perfect last band. Barefooted, moustache wearing perfect last band. Barefoot in a venue that was basically an open garage at temperatures around 0°C. They sure kept warm as there is no way that they or us could stand still. Trashgrass at its best, although I don’t know what it would sound like at its worst. Joyous last gig, especially when they played a song amongst the audience. Would have been even better without cell phones and cell phones’ flash lights but you can still close your eyes and listen and dance.

The Americana Music Association UK also held an award show at the Hackney Empire on the third day of the conference. There were winners, wonderful speeches, Bob Harris and performances from artists like Mary Gauthier, Graham Nash, Ethan Johns, Israel Nash and more but for me the most outstanding, remarkable performance was from Rhiannon Giddens! She left her banjo behind and sang without any amplification. How it used to be in this impressive, old British theater and even in last row on the balcony I’d get goosebumps. So amazing. I’m so glad I finally got the chance to see her live after so many years of listening to her music.

I can’t wait for the next edition of this wonderfully curated little Americana festival. You can feel the passion in every moment and the love for the genre when you talk to the visitors. I just loved it. 

Thank you for reading,

Dörte

P.S. all photos (c) Dörte Heilewelt, a few more photos on my flickr.

#americanafestuk2019 #americana #country #music #music festival #music photography #arkansas dave #kaia kater #birds of chicago #whiskey shivers #ida mae #ethan johns

[dr-fumbles-mcstupid]

I was estatic when @amandapalmer announced she was doing an eving with amanda palmer and Neil gaimen in my home town. She has been a big influence in my life. A friend of mine introduced me to The dresden dolls in my second year of high school. This was a year or so before yes virginia was released (so around 2005ish). I listened to both A is for accident and their self titled album on repeat for pretty much the whole year.

I didnt fit in in high school at all. Even withthe outcasts and nerdy kids I still felt a disconnect. I had already changed high schools once due to bullying and the next year I would do it again. A lot of this dissconect would become clear to me years later as I was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum as an adult, but at the time it was devastating.

Not only was I having trouble connecting to people due to being on the autism spectrum, but I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder in late elementary school. It was worse in high school with changing hormones and teenagers (most of whom were shit heads). I self harmed as a release when i didnt have any other way to do it. Her albums were so full of emotion sadness and anger, that they were cathartic to listen to and a different way to get a release. (Not to mention the joy I found from her more fun songs and my delight in her lyricism and the way she played with music)

I continued to follow her music after she left the dresden dolls and her solo career started. I loved who killed Amanda Palmer and I felt that I grew with her music. It adressed political issues that I was invested in, or alerted me to new ones.

In october of 2011 I drove out to LA with a friend to see amanda palmer in concert for a show on Halloween. I was so excited. The trip turned out to be something of a disaster, but the concert was amazing. I cried throughout half of it and I got to meet amanda at the end of it. I bought a we are the media shirt and she signed it for me. I tried to articulate what her songs meant to me, but couldnt find the words and I didn't want to hold up the line trying because even though she was happy to be there, she was clearly exhausted.

The next time I got to see her was when she came through phoenix for the theatre is evil tour and it was just as emotional of a show. On this album I found new songs to connect to (and in 2016 lost would take on a new personal meaning to me when my sister died, I still cry every time I hear that song). I didnt get a chance to stay after to see if there was a meet and greet as I had to drive back to tucson and it was late.

Fast forward to this concert. I was excited for the prospect of seeing her again and seeing Neil. the concert started out amazingly when one of the first songs she played was in my mind. If there was a perfect song for me, I think in my mind would be it. As I said, in high school I was awkward and depressed and I hated myself. Since I have been diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum I have made leaps and bounds forwards. I can interact with people better, and I am not ashamed to tell people right when I meet them that I am on the autism spectrum and to tell me if I get too loud ect. I now have amazing friends who accept me for who I am, depression, autism and all and, I am proud to be the person I am. I still have room to improve and a long way to go, but I am Exactly the person that I want to be.

Then my experiemce came full circle when one of the last songs amanda played was sing. That song has always been one that I identified with. I wanted to be loud and different and I wanted others to do it with me and blnot be afraid to be themselves, but in high school everyone just wanted to fit in. "There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked. It is called fear and its seeing a great rennisance." Was the part that most stood out to me. It was my anthem in high school. My concert experience started with in my mind a song about being happy with yourself and a representation of where I am now, and ended with sing, a song i associate with high schooland wanting people to accept me

After the concert I headed to hotel congress nervous because amanda was doing a quick patreon meet up. When she got there I felt my heart beat faster. I was nervous. Once again I wanted to tell her how much her art meant to me, but I wasnt sure it I could articulate it. I had planned on asking her to write down some of the lyrics from in my mind for a tattoo I wanted to get (I have wanted a tattoo related to amanda palmer for years, but could never decide on what to get). She announced she wanted to hang out and talk to people instead of sign things, but if you desperately wanted something signed she would. I felt a sinking feeling in my heart. I knew she was exhauseted and I didnt want to bother her, but my friend encouraged me to do it anyways.

I approached amanda knowing I was going to cry, ramblingly telling bits and pieces of the story above, and lo and behold I did start to cry. Amanda hugged me twice and she did indeed write down the lyrics for me. I ended the night in a group of other AFP fans singing creep with her on stage and it was one pf the best nights of my life.

Amanda I dont know if you are reading this, I know you are a very busy woman, but I want to thank you for everything you habe done for me. I have felt like you were there with me growing up and you helped shape me i to the person I am today.

#amanda fucking palmer #amanda palmer

[asmodevsa]

What is your favourite bts song from each of their albums?

Hi dear, thanks for this question, i was having a really boring day at work at it was nice!

This was really hard, but here it goes:

long post ahead 

2 COOL 4 SKOOL: NO MORE DREAM

Thats kinda cliche, but it was their debut song, and the first song I listened from them.

What is the you that you’ve dreamed of?Who do you see in the mirror? I gotta sayGo on your pathEven if you live for a dayDo somethingPut away your weakness

O!RUL8,2?: COFFEE

I love this lyrics so much! The song itself is calm and soft but also kinda bittersweet.

Our first date was sweet like a caramel macchiatoWherever we went, we wanted to go togetherBut as time went by,those feelings went down like dripping down espressoMy insides ache for no reason, we used to be so goodBreaking up was like a bitter americano

SKOOL LUV AFFAIR: TOMORROW

Last year I had a lot in my mind, I couldn’t find a job and everything was a mess, and then i listened to this song, as in, i really LISTENED, and it was like everything I was feeling and couldn’t say they expressed perfectly. It’s a really important song for me.

I have a long way to go butwhy am I running in place?I scream out of frustrationbut the empty air echoesI hope tomorrow willbe different from todayI’m just wishing

WAKE UP: THE STARS

This is the kind of song I need to listen once in a while, but tbh I haven’t listened to this in a while haha (idk if this is good or not tho)

Even if there are times when you feel discouraged, it’s not meaninglessEven if you’re in the last place now, if you have a dream you’re not

DARK&WILD: RAIN

I usually like walking around in rainy days because their great days to organize my thoughts, and this song express this really well. I love putting my earphones and listening this song when I feel blue.

The rain stops and the reflection in the puddleI see myself looking more miserable today

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MOMENT IN LIFE, PART 1: I NEED U  

I’ve never been in love like this, so I could never really relate my own feelings to the lyrics, which makes it even more crazy because it’s like I’m in pain, I’m feeling that dispair of being in a relationship that its not worth it. I also love the beat SO MUCH, and of course, this is where all the theories started!

Girl, just tell me you wanna break upGirl, just tell me it wasn’t loveI have no courage to say thatGive me my last giftSo I can’t ever go back to you

+ MOVING ON (이사)

I can’t not talk about this song, because it makes me so emotional. The lyrics are insanally personal, and it as the first time I felt closer to the boys.

While taking the last box out of the empty roomI looked back for a momentTimes we cried and laughedGoodbye now

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MOMENT IN LIFE, PART 2: RUN

I could be one of those cool kids who only like the songs that aren’t really “appreciated” but honestly I just love this song, and part of this was because of the MV too. Of course we have no idea of what’s going on in this history they’re trying to tell us and the theories are insane at this point but this song is just amazing, i also love the japanese version!

You are my only sun, one and only in the worldI bloomed for you, but I’m still getting thirsty

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MOMENT IN LIFE YOUNG FOREVER: EPILOGUE: YOUNG FOREVER

OT but I remember it came out in my mom’s birthday in that year lol

This song is amazing, I’m sad that it’s so short, I could (puns aside) listen to this forever. Its beautiful, and I especially like the unplugged version!

Trying to comfort myselfI tell myself the world can’t be perfectI start to let myself goThe thundering applause, I can’t own it forever

YOUTH: WISHING ON A STAR

I don’t have much to say about this song, I just love it because it makes me so soft haha it’s really sweet.

As long as you have a dream, you don’t have to worryIf you believe, it’ll shineThe pearl of the future, right right alrightIf you’re tired, you can rest while continuing to move forward

WINGS: 2!3!

This is really hard because here we have solo songs and each of them has it’s own meaning, I especially love Lie and Awake (I cried a lot listening Awake too) but this song is special because I still remember how I felt when I first listened to this. It was the day they released WINGS, and I was listening all the songs for the first time and reading the lyrics, this whole album itself is a roller coaster in the best way, and then when it came to this song I was reading the lyrics when I suddenly couldnt read anymore because my eyes were full of tears. I didn’t know why I was in pain, but I was and it was like this seven boys who I never met knew about my pain and wanted to help.

Still, I hope there will be good daysIf you believe me, 1, 2, 3

YOU NEVER WALK ALONE: SPRING DAY 

I don’t think this is surprising, this song is so delicate and honestly sad. They showed their emotions really well in this, all those bittersweet feelings when the song ends. i love thiis song a lot.

How much more do I have to wait?How many more nights do I have to stay up?Until I can see you?

LOVE YOURSELF: HER: 고민보다 GO 

Although I love Serendipity and Jimin’s voice (wich made everything more soft and pure) I relate to Go the most. My previous favorite songs were always sad somehow and this song and dance is just fun, but at the same time it talks about soemething serious. 

Just break it apartWe’re too young to just worryFor today, just go instead of worryingIf you get scared and say you’re saving, it becomes poopSo rub it all around

+ BONUS TRACK: SEA

Oh, how I cried my eyes out listening to this. I cry a lot and this is not a surprise but holy fuck, this song is good! I listened to this a lot in my last summer vacation while walking in the beach, it helped a lot!

In the end, we reached the mirageAnd it became our realityThe scary desertBecame the ocean with our blood, sweat and tearsBut why is there this fearIn between the happiness?Because we know too well that this place is really a desert

FACE YOURSELF: DONT LEAVE ME

I don’t really relate to the lyrics but oh my god, the vocals are insane. It’s the kind of music I would use for a soundtrack of something really emotinal and strong.

If only I could rewind time and start over                                                                 You cry between the shadow and light

LOVE YOURSELF TEAR: SO WHAT 

This was harder because I’m still listening to this album a lot and discovering about how each song makes me feel. I have a soft spot for Paradise and Magic Shop too, but so what is the song that I can relate myself in this moment of my life, just as 2!3! in 2016

Even if it’s dangerous on the borderLet’s just laugh and chat and split through the windSometimes, we can be foolish and just runEven with mistakes and tears, we just go

#answered #97boi

[liltouch-moved]

hai io ! hope you've been well <3 i just got home from my trip yesterday, for whatever reason i couldnt log in to tumblr while i was in moscow so i couldnt get back to u until now, im so sorry :-(

ah i love to travel too, though i have to admit im not a super touristy person ^^" i dont really like sightseeing that much, but i love to wander around and learn what the locals' day to day lives are like if that makes sense? like, if you took me to paris i'd prefer to just wander around and explore the city on my own, visit local shops, markets, parks,,, rather than go see the eiffel tower or something, that kind of thing ! what are some of your favorite places you've been to? and are there any places you would like to visit, something you'd like to go do or see someday,..? i love love love hiking in the mountains too so i really hope you get to go this summer <3

omg yea,,,,,, 17yo in the middle of my edgy rebel phase, suddenly developing an interest in these cotton candy sweet boys singing about puppy love ? VERY CONFUSING i guess that dissonance is why i was so hesitant to get into them the first time around. at the time i was like.. how ???? can i like cute stuff ???? im a cool punk kid ??????? wouldnt that make me a poser ????? 😳😳 when you're a teenager everything seems so much more complicated than it really is lol and then you grow up and realize, who cares !! i can like whatever i want even if its two polar opposite things !! character development 🌱

ahh clap era was so good i agree ! clap mv is still one of my faves and the album is SOLID ! my favorite era is hands down oh my though; ymmday was the perfect soundtrack for summer '18, idk what it was but there was something in the air that summer and it was magical <33 its not necessarily my favorite album (it was at the time but svt's released even better albums since hehe) but oh my remains one of my favorite title tracks, along w very nice and adore u ! what about you? ^^ oh and speaking of songs ! the assignment for this week is to create a playlist based on one of the provided themes right? i would love to listen to yours, if you want to make one of course <3 personally i really struggle w making playlists so in case you're like me, i'll let you choose the theme ^^ no pressure though, if you dont want to do it or it takes some time, thats totally fine ! 🌼

ohhh sure,, guessing my bias sounds really fun !~ <33 maybe i shouldnt have given u the vocal unit hint so soon tho fhfjfj ah well ^^" performance unit was originally my favorite unit too hehe theyre team dynamic is so cute and brotherly <33

by the way !! u mentioned going to uni?~what are you majoring in/did you major in, if u dont mind me asking? ^^

hope u had a nice, relaxing weekend and have a great week ahead <3

from: your carat anon 🦋

hello <3 don't worry about it, i'm also SO sorry for taking so long to get to your message!! i was traveling and only had my phone w me and in the past tumblr has messed up (or straight up deleted) asks i tried to answer on my phone so i didn’t wanna risk it ;-;

glad to know you arrived back safe and sound <3 i hope u had a good time in moscow and got to do all the things you wanted to do ✨ “i dont really like sightseeing that much, but i love to wander around and learn what the locals' day to day lives are like” oh i really love that! i’m exactly the same way <3 touristy areas are all so... fake. anyways. my favorite place i've been to is the italian countryside 🌼💖 and as for cities, vienna is my favorite so far. as for my dream destinations: singapore, sydney/melbourne, lisboa, yerevan and buenos aires! wbu, what are some of your favorite places you’ve been?

lmao it must have been such an identity crisis for your younger self to suddenly be interested in some kpop boyos doing fluffy concepts 😹 and so true!! it’s really not that deep, you can like whatever ~ i’m so glad you decided to give svt a chance... twice 💞 and not to sound like an annoying carat but honestly i feel bad for ppl who are into kpop but not into svt... like what are you doinggg you’re really missing out!!!

you're so right, something about oh my is really special ✨ i absolutely adore it too and totally believe that it’s one of their best eras <3 oooh what’s your favorite album nowadays, then?

my favorite titles are oh my, clap and fear! and my fav era would probably be debut era bc i have such fond memories of it... basically everyone on my dash/tl was really excited about svt finally debuting and bc i was still a kpop newbie, it was one of the first big things i've experienced <3 not to mention how fun adore u was ~~ (and how good 2015 was for kpop in general aaaaa take me back 😿)

ooh i must be completely out of the loop bc i didn’t even see anything about a playlist rip </3 i’m not good with playlists either, can i maybe recommend u some songs instead? please tell me what kind of genres, moods, languages u like (and what u don't like at all) and i'll make a small list of recs for you if you want to :> i want to know what music u like first so i don’t rec u something that u end up hating...

and don't worry about the bias thing, i really have no clue who it might be so far 🥺 give me another hint please 👉👈 tell me what you like about him most or what era you think was ‘his’, whatever u want ~

yesss i’m in uni ~ i'm majoring in translation studies. work is my main priority tho (girl’s gotta eat and pay for the roof over her head) so i'm taking it slow with uni. what are you majoring/did you major in? 🌼

hope u have a good day dear anon and once again my apologies for making you wait!! 💖

#ask #🦋 anon #i'm home now so it won't take me this long to reply anymore <3

[latetaektalk]

hiiiiii !!! tell me about it, I love winter fashion - layers, I love wearing my coat and my favourite scarf. though I’m also always cold, so I don’t like terribly cold days - I’m more into autumn and spring, it’s like winter/summer lite lol.

oh gosh, well, I haven’t actually made any progress reading sigh. same, I have a stack of books, I bought some rom-com style books, one is called act your age by eve brown, but haven’t got around to reading it 🙄 though I saw you reblogged a quote from never let me go, and that’s one of my favourite books ever, so sad but so so good !!

ooo, exciting - I hope driving lessons go well, I know there’s an olivia rodrigo joke there somewhere hehe, I’ll have to think of it for next time.

eeek, you should do it!! I’m currently watching howl’s moving castle and I bloody love it!! and so far I’ve watched ponyo (5/5) and spirited away (4/5). and then next on the list is kiki’s delivery service. my friend and I do rankings when we watch a set of films, so that’s why I’m ranking as I go lol

ah yes lego- I have a mandalorian set to do, that I got as a bday gift and I have a cute london bus that I recently bought! I flipping love lego, got obsessed during lockdown so I already have a London and New York one, and a Captain America one as I love marvel hehe

ah nice !! do you like Lorde’s new songs, I’m not sure about them, but I feel like they’ll grow on me. I loved her last album, liability, perfect places, green light chef’s kiss

yeah, it definitely grew on me too!! I hope she does more orchestra type versions of her songs, because they would sound amazing! I was just listening to 1989, currently obsessed with you are in love, and think that an orchestral version would sound so good, also wildest dreams !! I keep re-listening to the snippet from that horse movie haha

ok end of essay, 🦋.

p.s ok maybe not the end, but had to say, the new chapter of LTHY was well worth the wait, was so sweet and funny and just this emoji 🥰🥰🥰 but also a bit of this emoji 👀 as I’m still a bit wary of JK. but I’m banking on a happy ending so I’m sure my heart can take it lol

hi bub 💕 i litearlly couldnt agree more !! layers are honestly superior, and just allow for more creative freedom! and oh my god, yeah i already miss my coat and all of my turtlenecks :(( cant wait for it to get colder again!!

ohh ive actually heard a bunch about act your age by eve brown !! please let me know what you think, bub, when you do get around to reading it!! and actually, ive never read never let me go but its been on my to read list forever at this point! ill be sure to get it next time because now i just wanna read it after hearing its your favourite book! and honestly, im drawn to sad books so you saying is sad just makes me wanna read it even more lmao

safdasd i literally thought the same thing,,, like theres definitely some kind of joke i could make but head empty LMAO and thank you!! praying i wont fail asfdwe

ahhh im so happy to see that youre ranking sprited away 4/5 because i love that film with my entire fucking heart 💕again and again you prove to me, bub, that youve got immaculate taste ✨ please tell me your rankings of other ghibli films you watch!! id love to hear all of your little thoughts !!

i see!! thats so cool and cute that you got so many different sets! also,, have i mentioned that i love marvel as well? so yes i freaked out a bit when you said you have a captain america one !! what is your favourite lego set? also your favourite marvel film? 👀

yes i do!! im so in love with stoned at the nail salon,, like i screamed when i first listened to it asdfs i literally cant wait for the album, and im sure it will grow on you!! also again!! bub how many more times do you gotta show me that your taste is just out of this world? god, i fucking love liability, perfect places, and green light 💓💓 btw have you seen the interview lorde did with hot ones? she fucking killed that! heres the link if you havent (x)

right !! i would love it if she released more orchestra versions!! i used to play piano as a kid and therefore a lot of classical music, so i would just be all asdfasd if she ever put out more orchestra versions !! and oh my god, i remember the time when i was obsessed with you are in love!! that song honestly is just ✨ also literally same,,, still waiting for taylor's version of wildest dream because the snippet we go? just ✋👌

ahhhhhh thank you so much for saying that bub 🥺🥺 it really does mean a lot to hear that !! im really glad you enjoyed the chapter!! and yes! the newest chapter was definitely very fluffy!!! i like how wary you are of jungkook sadfsd and rest assured i wont be breaking hearts this time

anyway i hope you have a great day/night bub!! ily 💘

#🦋 anon #linh.anon #linh.ask