#but that's the thing!!!! instead of hating myself for doing that i still feel like i can get shit done!

[blackpilljesus]

Not everything needs to be announced, do not put a target on your back.

With the rise in popularity of things like 6b4t, 4b, decenter men, etc I'm seeing a lot of women bragging to maIes about it which will not help us. At the end of the day maIes do not care about our happiness, look at how they get off on womens abuse, they constantly seek to break women down at every twist and turn, they dont actually give a fuck about whether single childfree women are the happiest demographic out there. Maturing as a single childfree woman is realising that it's not just about hating maIes but being indifferent to them, not caring about their opinions at all. Only recognise them for the threat & parasites they are. I dont care to prove maIes wrong. This doesn't mean I ignore or hold positive sentiments to them, I just focus on centering myself and womankind in my life instead. I often see women bring up points about single childfree women & our happiness to maIes when maIes already know that.

Let's assume that maIes dont know that women are happier when we're single, why does it matter that they know just how much happier women are when they're single? Given the way maIes have treated women, do you really think maIes give a fuck about women being happy? Do you really think that if maIes didnt know how single childfree women felt before & when they find out how happy single childfree women are they'd be pleased about it? Or that they'd care?

For every single childfree woman is a maIe without a rape maid, a maIe without someone to pummel their legacy through, etc yk how it goes. MaIes are already feeling the effects of our freedom & they're starting to retaliate. In south korea female only parking spaces were replaced with family spaces, in the USA there's project2025 & how they want to coerce women back into the nuclear family unit, in the UK many sexual offenders are being released from prisons due to "overcrowding".

Back to my point on indifference, part of that is realising that all of this shit goes beyond witty one liners on the internet. MaIes are fully aware of everything they do and how they benefit from it. To the women who brag to maIes about 4B et al, what is the end goal here? Is it truly decentering maIes as claimed or is it some type of strategy to spook maIes into being good boys? Because I've seen women try to be threatening with it like "maIes need to get their act together or we they wont be chosen/we'll 4B!" and this is still maIe centric in a way. Sounds harsh but many womens tiktoks, tweets, of this nature tend to have maIe partners or are still looking anyways so it only makes things harder for those actually serious about this. I feel like many women believe at some point maIes would grovel back to them & 'apologise' for their actions and start being better like no; maIes have intentionally done everything through force & violence including wanting a partner & children. MaIes arent going to change nor will ever change on their own. MaIes dont just want parters or children, they want this at the expense of womens lives; our goals, our dreams, and our humanity so they sure as shit dont care about our happiness.

There is thing as centering maIes even in a negative way, I saw it described as "chaotic misandrist" on the pinkpill site. Many women talk about how they want nothing to do with maIes but then make it their entire personality. Many women on tiktok are using 4B as some titillating leverage over maIes or as some divine femininity woo woo femme fatale shit. All of that still centers maIes. What needs to be realised is that it's not all about maIes. I dont solely do this as a "fuck you" to maIes, will it be? Yes. But that is not my primary reason for not dating or reproducing. Dont make this a thing where you solely want to get back at maIes. MaIes dont negotiate so attempting to barter is a waste of time and tiptoes on maIe apologism because even if maIes apologised for all the things they've done I would still not forgive them. I would still want the worst for them. Ik in that situation most women would forgive them without a second thought.

Women saying "act right or else 4B" are saying this because they still want to make it work with maIes. If there's negotiation it means a connection still wants to be formed which misses the entire fucking point. It aint about maIes it's about yourself and womankind. This is why it's hard for me to trust other women because it wont take much for them to cave as has been throughout history. I dont care what moids think about all this, as I said my primary concern regarding maIes is the threat they pose. I dont care whether they'd ever change. Anyone serious about this wouldn't be dangling the prospects of not partnering with them in maIes faces especially bc part of what leads to this is realising that maIes are dangerous & there's no reforming them. Dangling this in their face is poking the bear and maIes have no limits as to how low they'll stoop to get what they want. They'd kill themselves to prove a point.

So for the love of goddess, stop bragging to maIes about this. Doesnt matter if they say you'll be a miserable cat lady like bet. Deep down we all know they need us more than we need them. This isn't to say to hide & be ashamed of it, but it wont do women favours exposing our play to our predators.

#female separatism #6b4t #4b #female separatist

[reorientation]

zyn anon. sorry to spam your dms, i just have some updates i can't really share elsewhere lmao. only one of my irls know im fucking this boy but she doesn't know it was for nicotine pouches lmao

im not even "exchanging" my "services" for zyns anymore. i didn't like them at all, but id still occasionally ask for a tin or two here and there. to not let it get to his head ☺️. a month and a half later im just doing it for free 😒 he makes jokes now that im not even fucking him for product. and jokes that he got me addicted to him instead. so you were right about me becoming a budding addict for a straight mans cock.

we never had a convo about us being official, but he made it clear early on that he wants to be the only guy fucking me rn. i asked if he sleeps around with other girls, and he said he doesnt need to when im so eager for him. :/. he calls me his girlfriend in front of his roommate and gamer friends, too. but not to people we know mutually.

he's also a lot more affectionate now. we've been on an actual date, it was surprisingly romantic and really sweet, and not just me blowing him in his car. though I did after but that's not the point.

i pretty much dress exclusively femininely outside of our programs unisex uniform, i used run errands in boymode but im not even doing that anymore. i have a chosen name that can be shortened into something kinda feminine sounding so he just calls me that. even in front of classmates who dont know i have a pussy, and one that hes been inside of. and the "nickname" is catching on with our classmates too lol.

z anon. forgot to include the update. sorry, i ramble a lot.

i skipped my last two T shots ☺️ im still waiting on my iud appointment in a few weeks. unfortunately this also means i havent really been letting him inside me as often, since im still really scared of pregnancy especially this early on in this weird situation. i am blowing him a lot though lol. it's a win win for me since being on my knees for him with his cock down my throat is so damn hot, especially when he's kinda fucking my face and pulls my hair during it. but fuck its probably been at least a week since his cocks been in me and i miss it. a lot lol. hes so manly and strong, i miss how feminine i feel when im under him. his body would just inadvertently pin me in place, im painfully aware of how small and feminine i am in comparison to him. how truly heterosexual it all is.

but i cannot trust myself bro like i know even if i insist on him using a condom ill end up asking for him to take it off. if he doesnt outright refuse. and like it's so difficult because that turns me on more. i know ill end up having his dick in me sometime before I get my iud, i just gotta be responsible and power through the demons.

im still dysphoric through this situation, especially since stopping T and the fear of like. the few times hes cum in me before havimg a little more serious consequences. despite taking plan b after each time. but the horny part of my brain has never been happier. whenever i feel like backing out, i send him nudes or text him smth risky just for extra self encouragement. but he's on a camping vacation thing rn with his family, and the service is shit and i miss him 🥺 even outside of sex.

like I want to become his girlfriend, truly. and that would have me become a girl for him. which basically means becoming a girl fulltime. i guess that would actually just be going back to being a girl. all for a straight boy 🤦🏻

its hugely dysphoric but kinda nice, like a part of me hates how he's so much bigger and way more masculine than me without any effort, even outside of us having heterosexual sex. i get so dysphoric that he's taller, bigger, way stronger and just so clearly male. but apparently, i enjoy being a girl for him more than i hate it.

(Previously)

You know, Anon, this is awfully romantic.

I mean, listen to yourself. You got into this as a whore, offering to suck his dick for discounted nicotine pouches, but now you're pining over him, and wanting to be a proper girl so that you can be his girlfriend. You're definitely still a whore, but you're a whore with a heart of gold.

Not a smart whore, though. So scared of pregnancy, but you stopped your T before getting on real birth control, knowing that you can't stop yourself from begging for his bare cock. You're so desperate to be a good girl for him that you're consciously ramping up the risk of having his baby, just so that you can return to full femininity a little sooner.

You know, I got this anon after your last ask:

They're not quite right, in that this first update doesn't include a pregnancy announcement. But it's been a bit since you sent me this, and reading what you sent me, it's not hard to imagine you having already gotten started on the path to being a cute little baby mama to your straight boyfriend.

But even if you haven't... You're never going to be able to forget what this was like, will you? Losing your virginity to a straight man, and so easily losing your identity with it. Being pinned down by him with your legs spread and his bare cock in your pussy. The simple force of a man on top of you, and how simple it was to slip back into womanhood and welcome him in.

#reor: zyn anon #with long updates like this I usually can't address everything while still keeping it interesting #but I certainly enjoyed every bit of it <3 / #reor: anon life story #kink interactions #reorientation writing #reor: anon ask #ftm misgendering kink #ftm girl #ftm detransition kink #ftm breeding

[genericpuff]

vent post

#and before anyone who hates my shit says “yeah because you ARE a loser way to have self awareness for once” #i promise you this would be me with or without the LO fandom LMAO #anxiety is a hell of a thing #and as much as i internally guilt myself into thinking it would be better if i just shut up and hid away forever #i also know that's the trauma speaking because the adults around me always told me to shut up #and even as an adult i still encounter people who talk over me and make me feel like i'm not allowed to be outspoken #but the pen is mightier than the sword and all those years i've spent being spoken over i've been honing my penmanship #i have fun talking about the things i talk about and i don't have any less right than anyone else to do it #i am cringe and i am free #self post #vent post #altho on another note i do wanna make time this week to go find new series to read #too many of my favorites have turned to shit and it's taken its toll #i KNOW there are better comics out there that are genuinely well made #i already have a few that i'm reading that i love but i need to balance out the good with the bad more lol #i just need to take the time to go find good stuff instead of pouring so much of my attention into the bullshit that doesn't deserve my tim #i think both things can be true #i can have a lot of fun dissecting and writing about series i don't like #while also nourishing myself with good works that restore my faith in this medium #“perfectly balanced as all things should be”

[iraprince]

Hiii, i love your stuff and kinda from a distance really look up at you for, in my perception, being able to express yourself without giving a fuck. Thats sick dude, Im so so afraid, of absolutely everything, its nice to think like i might grow into someone less apologetic of my existence. Nice to see people just being yknow

hey, thank you, this is really really nice. the secret that is probably not a secret is that i am also deeply afraid a lot of the time lmao -- but less than i used to be, and in ways that feel less stifling and self-suffocating, if that makes sense.

like, it used to be "i'm scared that if i express myself the way i want to, everyone will find me obnoxious, so let's just sand those edges down to be safe" -- now my fears are more like "now that i'm expressing myself in a way that feels natural and real, i'm afraid that it's all stupid/vapid/not worthwhile or meaningful" (<- specifically abt my art) or "i'm happy that i talk and act the way i want to now, but what if it makes me impossible to befriend," etc etc etc. which still feels bad and puts me in a funk a lot of the time but at least it's a fear that comes After/in reaction to doing stuff, rather than a fear that STOPS me from doing stuff, you know? like, it's evolved into a kind of fear that's less in my way.

anyway. i believe you'll experience something like this, because wanting to grow is the first step of growing. the fact that u hope or wish for something different means you're already on your way. to fewer fucks!! or at least distributing the fucks u give in a way that serves u better

#stuff like accepting that i'm reserved and i'm not very accessible via messages. #or that my online tone isn't very bubbly and it's weird and uncomfortable to force it. #i stop letting fears about that shape my behavior ('i'll look mean or snotty so let's force markers of Friendliness to avoid that!!') - #- and instead act the way i want to and then trade it in for new fears that come After the action. #also a good reminder to give urself is that if ur fear is abt how other ppl perceive u (as 90% of mine is personally) #u really... can't actually control that. and being very very anxious abt it all the time is usually ur brain throwing a tantrum abt not-- #--having that control. bc it is understandably very scary that u don't have that control #as much as it sucks + is terrifying the truth is the only thing u can do is ask urself 'am i behaving in a way that i'm proud of' #'am i behaving in a way that's in alignment w my values + what i think is important' #bc if the answer to that is yes and somebody hates u or is deeply offended by ur existence anyway. well. literally not ur problem #but obv being at peace w that is way way easier said than done + requires tons of practice and will take. probably. years. which is fine #i am stuck with myself. i can either contort myself forever trying to be someone everyone will like and find totally nonthreatening and- #inoffensive and in the process exhaust myself totally and never feel safe or natural myself. OR #i can say okay. so i am a kind of prickly guy with stern and drab speech patterns and close to no social energy. and i think i can still be #-sexy and fun this way. and it is up to other ppl to figure out if they can agree w me on that #ANYWAY enough rambling for now. just another one of those things i think abt a lot so i have a lot of ready-made sentences abt it in mind

[anaalnathrakhs]

i feel it's so fucking stupid and ungrateful but it still hurts a little when someone gifts me something i just don't like. i don't know. i know it's dumb and inaccurate to astrain that much meaning to a simple gift, but it feels kinda like they don't know me. i guess it feels like people don't see me, like a reminder that the person i reflect and the person i feel like are incredibly different.

#two fairly recent examples jump to mind #last year my class did a secret santa #the guy who got my name barely knew me so instead he asked our litterature teacher for tips #i was doing an effort to participate a lot in her classes and discuss stuff and i felt like she was an adult i could really trust #and adult who Gets It #and she picked just. the wrong gift. a classical philosophy essay. #stuff i hate reading. stuff i hate thinking about. #i said thank you to both of them and tried to read it during christmas break still. but i was right. i hated it. #and this year's christmas #recently i tried patching things up with my parents and we are a lot more communicative now #so they've opened up that my demand not to receive any gifts was painful to them #so we had an agreement: we write open-hearted letters to each other on christmas. #and they can gift me something if they'd like but no pressure if they don't find anything they feel would be a good gift #bc i myself opened up about the whole ''inaccurate gift'' thing being one of the reasons i dislike receiving stuff #and guess what. christmas comes. they got me a printed card from an artist whose work we saw at a local art thing earlier that year. #that artist does mainly either plants or nice architecture. stuff i love. #they picked the ONE work of hers that doesn't look like that. some reinterpretation of the great wave of kanagawa #a piece which i dislike with a passion for aesthetic reasons #i had promised i'd be honest if their gift missed the mark but tbh i couldn't. it's just an aesthetic thing it's completely begnin. #it's not like they spent lots or tried to pick something that was USEFUL #so i smiled and the picture is hanging with other stuff in my room #and i thanked them and i can't express how genuinely glad i am we have a better relationship #but man i felt my heart break a little under the tree in that moment #idk #i know it's silly but it makes me feel weird. and cold. #broadcasting my misery #vent

[alsojnpie]

i lost this round....

#sometimes things get lost. like I've turned this place upside down 50 times and it hasn't turned up lost. #and when that happens my entire life becomes 'find that thing' even if there are no immediate consequences. it still feels like a huge deal #if it costs more than $20 to replace then my entire life implodes until i find it or completely wreck myself looking for it #BUT NOT TODAY!! today i didn't look for the thing AND i spent a lot of time drawing this instead of working #he. was right. DANGIT I HATE THIS BUT HE WAS RIGHT THIS IS THE SUPERIOR WAY #hopefully one day i will find that thing. and soon i will finish my chores but i won't go crazy and do a move out level clean #like i was planning to today

[anastacialy]

y'know, i keep making a habit of swinging my bat at hornets nests, but i have to say i'm getting so, so tired of people complaining about shows not making perfect sense when they aren't even close to done. we're four episodes into this season of doctor who. we're four episodes into this season of bridgerton. and yet in both fandoms i keep seeing people whine that such and such didn't make sense or it wasn't explained all the way and by god you guys i think maybe explanations might come later in the season. this is something most viewers will recognize as being called a 'plot.'

#like maybe a tiny bit of media literacy... might save you #and if you think i'm being mean like. its okay if you don't get it at first. it's okay if you don't understand the themes. but maybe #instead of stamping your feet and saying this makes no sense and i hate what they're doing and and and #maybe you could try listening to other people's interpretations of things and you'll find that what the show is trying to tell you becomes #more clear! would you look at that. wild how that happens #like im sorry you're entitled to your opinions but calling things bad writing just because you don't quite get it or it doesn't resonate #with you personally... i don't think you should just say this was shitty and worthless #the examples im using are because both resonate with me btw. 73 yards was existential horror it was hill house and bly manor #(im going to write about this in another post btw bc it compels me so) #it was about the way fear of abandonment can haunt you how mental illness can haunt you how you feel like you can drive people away #just by being yourself (the Woman was Herself what caused ruby to be abandoned was Her it's about her feeling as though she was the cause #of everyone who left her even as a baby even the people who loved her most could decide to not love her at the drop of a hat) #colin bridgerton is masking and faking a personality because it has been proven that time and time again #being Himself is Wrong that he annoys people he makes himself into what people expect of him because he's tired of being abandoned too #his family ignores and does not reply to his letters this season PEN stopped replying to his letters #his brother was cruel to him for being a romantic his friends LAUGHED AT HIM for saying sex is meaningful to him and don't they feel lonely #his Fake Rake persona makes viewers cringe because! its!! fake!!! he's faking it! HE GETS CALLED OUT ON IT TWICE IN EP ONE #if you don't understand he's faking it then that's on you at that point! i don't know! maybe take a minute to sit in the discomfort and ask #why did this show make me react this way and do you think maybe it was on purpose #''73 yards was confusing'' do you think confusion may be one of the ways ruby feels about her abandonment? #there is a theme in all of her episodes so far is it ''badly written'' unclear to you or do you just refuse to think critically about it #txtly #and im sorry for tagging this its just for my blog i kinda wish they still didnt show up in tags if i tag them all the way at the bottom #[old lady ruby voice] ''i used to be able to tag things just for myself once upon a time'' #bridgerton #bridgerton spoilers #doctor who #doctor who spoilers

[magentagalaxies]

vent incoming:

got my grades back for my courses last semester and most of it was to be expected, mostly A's, maybe an A-, etc. but i honestly can't get over the fact that my independent study (the buddy cole documentary) was for some reason given a B. like sure getting a B isn't bad per se, I usually get at least one B every semester and i honestly don't really care about what my exact gpa is as long as i can graduate, but come on. this school put me through months of psychological torment over this project and didn't even have the nerve to give me a B+??? i'm still coping with the self-doubt they forced on me and this bullshit is not helping!!

#honestly it's kind of hilarious ngl. especially bc i also got my documentary work counted as an independent study the previous semester #and the previous semester even tho i barely worked on the doc itself #(mostly just planning and putting together the crowdfunding which was still a lot of work but like compare it to the past few months) #they were willing to give me an A (my school doesn't do A+ so this is the highest mark possible) #vs this semester. like i'll admit my final assignment was late and could have been more polished #but i was literally on tour in documentary-mode 24/7 for several weeks. i filmed an entire comedy special! i put together a live interview! #not to mention having to fucking negotiate with my own college censoring the footage they'd promised me of an event i put together #and play nice with a professor who literally outed me on twitter in an attempt to cancel one of my best friends #at this point the ''B'' feels more like a petty grudge than anything else #like ok we can't get away with *actually* fucking over jessamine's grades bc clearly ze did do the work. but let's just give zir a B #like i will admit the audio quality in my final isn't great. and i could have used more polished footage in some sections #but counterpoint: 100+ students were arrested at a protest while i was editing and i was having a mental breakdown #the fact that i finished *anything* is goddamn impressive especially after they essentially conditioned me to hate myself any time i was #working on a project i loved!!! #due to the aforementioned student arrests my college did put out an option where we could change any letter grade this semester to pass/fai #so anything passing wouldn't impact our gpa if we didn't want it to. so i could just change the B to a ''pass'' #but really what's the point. ''B'' is still a good grade and my GPA is fine (3.65 on a 4.0 grading scale. 2.0 is required to graduate) #it just sucks that after what i went through last semester i feel like nobody takes it seriously #i was reminiscing earlier about how it's honestly kind of funny how after that professor outed me on twitter #i was at the hotel with scott like an hour later sobbing and having an existential crisis about my relationship to gender #and scott was so supportive but also awkwardly being like #''i know i should offer the crying child a tissue but where the fuck are the tissues in this room what do i do'' #and he just handed me a full-on towel instead like oh my god he was trying his best but also so clearly out of his depth #but of course i then had to remember how when i told that story to a different professor to be like ''this is how much scott cares about me #this guy called me fucking UNPROFESSIONAL for crying in front of the subject of my documentary????????? #like yeah maybe so but how DARE you call me unprofessional when a different professor tweeted my full name and gender without my consent #in an attempt to fucking cancel one of my friends for ''misgendering'' me for using pronouns i'm fine with him using!!! #i don't think i'm ever going to be able to forgive my college and i don't know how i'll be able to get through one more semester #that experience genuinely changed things about my psychology that i'm not proud of and i need to work through #so if i have to miss a goddamn kids in the hall event because i have class this november i am going to set something on fire

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#oh wow... #i just had an oh shit fuck moment #wow #i usually complain about the one therapist i had in my entire life and how she wouldn't just listen to what i was saying #if it didn't fit her textbook definition of whatever she was thinking at the time #and how i talked to her about my anxiety and how that made me feel and she would only focus on how i acted #so the example i gave her was the one time i went into a shop to buy something by myself #because my mom didn't want to go in for me and arguing with my mom in front of the shop in public and then inevitably have to #go in myself either way was way worse to me #because of the embarrassement of arguing in public. the fact that my mom was gonna spend the entire walk home telling me how i have to #''just suck it up and learn and just overcome my anxiety because i don't have a problem'' or whatever #and then having to go into the shop where the lady had been watching me from inside the entire time how i clearly didn't want to go in #and possibly be even more awkward with teary eyes because of the anxiety and awkwardness i already bring to the table any day... #all of those things that were going inside my head were trumped by the fact that i did go in and did buy what i needed #although my heart was coming out of my chest the entire time... all that didn't matter to my therapist because in her words: #''if you had anxiety. you simply wouldn't have gone in'' #which is ridiculous #but anyways... i just had an epiphany... that was masking wasn't it? #forcing myself to do something that brings me major discomfort to make my mother and the shop lady not judge me? #pretend i'm a normal human being just doing normal things instead of someone who's about to have a heart attack buying embroidery thread? #panicking the entire time because i wasn't prepeared and hadn't scripted the entire transaction in my head? #yet still going in and putting on my ''normal person'' mask to try to seem like i wasn't just dying seconds ago (and still was)? #isn't that literally what masking is?! #and the ''autism specialist'' ass therapist was like ''if you did it then you don't have a problem'' #when i'm literally telling her how much of a problem it actually WAS?! #you know what's the best part about all this #that when i told my mom after i left that therapist that she didn't listen to me because [insert everything above] #my mom's response was ''well sometimes therapist will say things that you don't want to hear but you have to accept them''.... #same woman who's always saying how much she hates therapists because they ''will say whatever and pretend they know shit'' #ok so it's only The Truth when I tell you it isn't...

[wild-at-mind]

I get why people like the whole queer existence is resistance thing. I don't personally, because I think it puts a tonne of intracommunity pressure to exist in the 'right' way, I.e. the way that is 'radical' to the person currently scrutinising you. As a person with OCD that manifests in self scrutiny that I have to constantly concentrate on to avoid it becoming self hatred, I'm never going to be a fan of that. I kind of feel this way about any kind of assimilation conversation with regards to queerness really. I think it's an important conversation within irl communities who already care for each other- who shows up for others outside of their own interests and who doesn't, etc. But the internet makes things so impersonal and cold. It encourages people to make very serious snap judgements about others who they don't even know, and to encourage others to believe that about them. None of these people are in community together in any meaningful sense, or they wouldn't treat each other so ungenerously.

Anyway I had a bit of a realisation earlier- I think we have to tell ourselves our existence is inherently radical all the time because we're always getting the subtle message from our community and the wider activism community that having a good time or enjoying yourself is somehow bad, or insulting to people in dire straits. But instead of challenging that idea we say no it's OK because I'm doing activism simply by being here. I think it's fine to feel that way and in many ways existing as a marginalised person really is radical. I just want to make sure we aren't internalising the idea that we can't ever be happy or having a fun frivolous time without justifying it, and passing that idea along to others without meaning to.

#as radio 1 used to say: you only get one life- love it #i try and tell myself that when i get bogged down in the 'my misery is activism somehow' thinking #that so many people on here reinforce #i feel the 'pride is a protest' conversation constantly turns into this #because while pride's origin is in protest on the anniversary of the stonewall riot #most prides now are parties with a march and some information stalls #and...that's fine! If people have fun at it! #not everyone finds pride fun obvs its usually boiling very overwhelming and loud #ive had some shit times at pride but had a blast at my last one #it was post coming out as trans and I'd just started drinking more regularly #after abstaining for my meds for so long #i went alone had some drinks and a dance and went home #loved it best day ever #anyway the idea that in order to do activism you have to constantly disrupt #bring your 'queer liberation not rainbow capitalism' sign #i dunno...i dont think anyone really likes rainbow capitalism but the sponsers keep entry free #thats the case at my main one anyway #i struggle because i only just started having fun a bit more and enjoying things #i hate being hit with the message of 'actually this fun time is wrong ' #even in the most subtle ways- but maybe im oversensitive #i will say that if misery is activism ive more than paid my dues #why do they think people wanted to get into stonewall inn anyway??? #eta- i know not all prides are free and the ones that aren't still have corporate sponsors #i just don't feel it ruins pride personally #it's mildly annoying and that's all #eta: i put activism instead of capitalism in the slogan in the tags for some reason

[toytulini]

would be cool this yr to do like first aid training maybe?

#toy txt post #hope i can. get an opportunity to do that. not sure when. the horrors and inability to commit to things u see #but i think i should do that #at some point. altho i feel like i will almost certainly have to do CPR training? and like. like it seems like useful knowledge. and like. #i should know it and maybe im the worst person in existence for this but im a bit of a germaphobe and scared of covid and im not taking my #mask off so like. feels like. that is pretty mutually exclusive with CPR unless thereve been advancements im not aware of? #like would i be able to carry around some sort of billows but for human lungs to do that instead of my mouth? idk. this has in fact been #a legitimate hurdle to me wanting to pursue first aid training. sorry. genuinely dont know how to reconcile that and maybe! in a crisis #situation id overcome it to save a person. genuinely do not know. sorry im like a selfish horrible bitch tho and i cant see myself #doing CPR and am icked by the idea of even learning it. i know now they make those things to put on someones mouth but its still like. #that doesnt do anything against respiratory shit...idk. like is it worse to not pursue any of this at all to avoid the ethical quandry of #not wanting to deal with CPR even as a concept bc im a stupid baby squicked out by lip touching? or is it worse to do first aid and learn #like everything except CPR so i could still theoretically help in some cases that arent necessarily CPR. idk. im sure im just a Bad Person #for this and hate to even admit it. i think i should at least try to find a stop the bleed course or smth ig

[unicornofgt]

alright, i have come to the decision i am keeping this blog up as an archive and leaving the gt tumblr community for the foreseeable future.

when i made my post about chamomile-g-tea’s damaging treatment of my story, gtms, my goal was to acknowledge the situation so i could hopefully move forward and restore gtms/my blog as mine again, without her influence. and while i anticipated backlash, some of the responses were just...downright disturbing. lots of comments echoed a victim-blaming sentiment that i am responsible for the emotional and creative damage done to me by another person because ‘why didn’t you just say no or tell her to stop?’ not only does this ignore the several attempts i did make to express discomfort and set boundaries—which were not respected—but even if i didn’t manage to express a ‘no’, that doesn’t make what happened ok; it doesn’t erase the year of crippling pressure and guilt i lived with and still struggle to shake daily. realizing that so many people in this community think otherwise is just...disturbing. it’s disturbing. that’s the only word i can think to use.

the response to all this does not make me feel safe being here—that’s what this situation has unfortunately showed me: that the audience i hoped to allow to view my reclaiming process would also contain the same crowd who make me feel so unsafe—and why the fuck would i let those people see something as personal as that? why would i let them see anything? it’s made me understand i can’t continue to heal myself and my writing if i am posting it for other people, especially harmful people. and even though it turned out this way, i’m glad i gave it a shot; that i made that post as an effort to see if it was even possible or worth it to restore this space—even if the answer was no! absolutely fucking not!—because it saved me from even more time spent sharing my work with people who do not respect me as a person or a creator. i’m glad i tried, however much it sucked, because it allowed me to understand: it is not just one person in this community i feel unsafe with, but a solid percentage of the community at large that i just cannot healthily engage with, and no amount of blocking will fix that.

but of course this is not the only situation that showed me this community’s true colors—the dismissive or outright aggressive response to the calling out of racism in our tropes has also been deeply disturbing. to clarify, there is no problem in identifying with and finding comfort or catharsis in problematic tropes such as the pet trope, but there is a problem with using that comfort to make others feel unsafe and speak over people of color. and the solution to this trope problem is very simple—generally apply critical thinking skills to the media you enjoy, and tag your shit properly (dead dove, particularly when the giant owner/abuser doesn’t face consequences and/or if the abused/abuser fall in ‘love’—dead dove is not actually currently used in this community, that’s the problem). but rather than taking this as an opportunity to listen and improve, it was instead used as a chance to lash out at and make clear that poc are not welcome in this community and come secondary to the feelings of white creators and readers.

over the last few years, this community has fostered and been exposed for bigotry such as terfs, ableists, racists, etc, and especially in the current political era, this is no longer a community i want to share my work with or even just lurk in. and i know on the surface this community seems progressive, but take a better look and you’ll find members of the community doing and saying…questionable things, or keeping quiet and enabling their friends who do and say questionable things because they would rather be passive and polite than be genuinely kind and compassionate through active accountability.

of course this is the risk you take interacting with any person ever—but it’s especially taxing to look around at such a small, close knit community you know is riddled with these problems and wonder if the people making innocent posts are actually harmful; if they prioritize their comfort over the safety of marginalized people, if they even see you as a full person, and for me, personally—if they are willing to overlook consent to blame you for your trauma and defend the person who inflicted it. it’s taxing to explain basic basic concepts to strangers over and over in a place that prides itself on being a safe space, where people just have fun and mentally escape from irl hardships. it’s taxing to ride out shitty, hateful treatment when you are just simply one person (voluntarily providing free services btw) with only so much energy and fucks to give. it is not worth the strain it puts on you as a person, nor is it your responsibility to sit there and accept it, and i am not the only creator in this community who feels this way. we are fucking tired.

quite simply, this is not a community i feel comfortable participating in or sharing anything with. and that’s a shame, because there are wonderful, creative and caring people here who i have enjoyed sharing this space with, and maybe someday i’ll give this community another chance, but currently it’s just not worth the time of day. and i want to make it clear: my leaving is not simply because of just one person or just one situation—that i could handle—it is the community itself that is the root problem; that continues to be harmful, in multiple contexts—that is the reason why i and several other creators are leaving for greener pastures and more enjoyable communities—or just simply for a fucking moment’s worth of peace, because lord knows you won’t find it here.

#i considered making this post just ‘yea i feel unsafe here i’m leaving’ #but i did want to post a clear explanation for mutuals still here n the ppl who come across my blog in the future #instead of leaving it to speculation and guess work #so i wrote a fucking essay lmao #but there are more personal details i didn’t go into bc they’re distressing and some of y’all are straight awful<3 #however i will say you are not inside anyone else’s head if they say they feel unsafe it is not for you to question that #anyways privileges to myself and my writing are officially revoked #when i’m ready to share writing it’ll be with close friends in private #and maybe eventually on another site like ao3 but if that happens it won’t be for a while #and if i do post gtms there it will prolly be v different from the version here bc it’ll be the restored and improved version #i hate the version on this site<3 #for now i just need to get back into the swing of things bc rn it is. so hard to Think at all #i’ll also be doing things on my fandom account i am just leaving this community bc good lord #if you told me a month ago i’d be leaving this community i’d have been devastated but now? #having seen sm of this community’s true colors one after another? #i don’t give a fuck now #the only thing i feel is relief #the community i thought i was apart of does not exist and it made me physically sick to realize and experience that reality #for all its problems i did not think so MUCH of the gt community was this vile #i’ve run this blog for years and closing this chapter just brings me closure and peace #and to those of y’all who are alright n still here: good fucken luck lmfao wish y’all the best dealing w this shitshow #gt community #giant/tiny #gt #g/t #sfw g/t #gtms #gt mech suits

[icewindandboringhorror]

I’m always paranoid of my tumblr being deleted or malfunctioning or something like that someday, so here’s other places to find me/follow me, just in case lol

~ instagram - https://www.instagram.com/lucalicatte/

~ main youtube - https://www.youtube.com/c/LucaLiCatte

~ games/sims youtube - https://www.youtube.com/@cloudycatte

~ facebook page (I rarely use this because I hate facebook but.. it at least allows text posts better than instagram does, so idk maybe I’d use it more if tumblr went away? lol) - https://www.facebook.com/cloudycatteart/

~ Other Links (stuff I don’t use often/isn’t Main enough to list here, like twitter, neopets, other tumblr sideblogs, youtube channels, etc.) are here - http://icewindandboringhorror.tumblr.com/otherlinks )

#An updated version of this since some of the links on the old one are no longer the same lol #I might make a website website one day (not with a custom domain since I'm not paying for that/dont have the money lol #but like a 'my name.weebly.com type thing lol) but I haven't had the time recently. If I ever get around to it I'll update the post and #reblog that version. ANYWAY.. I just like to have one of these written out to reblog every once in a while. During the once ever few months #when poeple are like 'tumblr is failing again! it wont survive!' which has happened like 80 times but I'm still always like :0c what if! #also love the ms paint art done with a mouse ghhj #ANYWAY.. also if you want to see the stinky game I made that's not actually related to my own worldbuilding really (why I have never #posted anything about it publilcy because it's like.. how do I talk about it lol) I have my itch.io linked in the 'other links' page #as well as my General Projects blog. which talks about all the ongoing and upcoming projects I want to do that are #actually set in my world and can give you previews of some of the things I'm working on. Currently resuming my Game after abandoning it #basically for the entire pandemic and a little before that - as mentioned before - so that's OUgh.. in terms of A Lot Of Work #Especially since while kind of 'revamping and updating' I want to add a few features which are mostly easy but every once in a while #I don't understand something and it's like....... hGGhh...... Ironically despite Blogging I just hate talking to people in public open foru #.. I love privacy and security lol.. and I always feel that ONE day I am going to have a question that has not already been asked on a foru #somewhere and I am going to have to post myself and.. no.. I shan't even imagine it.. It's not even really social anxiety it's just like.. #efficiency.. instead of wating like days to get an accurate response and resolve the problem with the general public I would rather just ha #e a one time 30min conversation with an expert and resolve it quickly. PLUS then I also only interact with One stranger instead of Many Of #Them lol.. any 6+ yrs of experience Ren'py experts hmu so I can pay you like $50 to have a single 45min conversation #with me over an insanely simple question and then never talk to you again until a year later when I have a second question. hhjb #ANYWAY.. I still really don't like instagram or it's layout and I never understood how it works like.. if I should be tagging photos or wha #or how you really use it and I just... euGH... stimky.. but it is one of the most popular so I feel obligated to link it. I wish facebook w #sn't such a nasty poo poo because I do actually like the variety of posts you can make and how Pages on facebook operate. In the scense of #it being similar to tumblr that you can make a VARIETy of styles of post. not just Only Post Photos or Only Short Text or Only Video which #is still like.. how the funk does sutff like that even get popular lol.. the Limited nature.. hewwo.. but alas.. and NO way I'm touching #fucking Threads please do not make an account on there and don't let your friends do it and don't let that shit catch on lol. #BUT YEahg... links...... just in case.. i hope tumblr stays aroundin it's current format forever though lol.. #I'm pretty sure even facebook doesn't have audio posts. or tags the way this does. or CHRONOLOGICAL FEED. custom html for pages.. aaaaa

[rivilu]

Hey hello can i be sad on main or will the heavens unleash 7 thousand ravenous hawks upon me

#river rambles #vent post #tw for basically everything bellow just saying it now #sorry the last 8 years of not a single reason to live are getting to me <3 #i hate being alive i hate being trans I hate being autistic and not able to work like a normal person #to provide my transition to myself instead of having to rely on parents that kiind of support me? (dad) or are straight up pulling - #the 'you're making MEEE SUICIDAL!' card (mom) #i hate not being able to talk to people like a normal person #it's not even just the autism anymore i feel like i've been the worst version of me for such a long time i dont even know where to start #dysphoria is so fucking bad and getting worse every single day and any semblance of trans positivity winds up feeling toxic #like even body neutrality feels like an insult. im at a point where i want to tear myself apart just when i'm sitting still #i hate being told to wait for things to happen #the dreaded 'it'll get better' #it hasnt #it's been EIGHT. FUCKING. YEARS #nothing helps. i've exhausted every option within reach. no words of encouragement help at all #literally the only OPTION is to wait. and i've had! ENOUGH OF IT! #I've dreaded pride every year because it feels more and more like i'm living a lie being there. im not PROUD of being trans. #All i feel about it is misery. All the time. I hate my body so fucking much i cant do a single thing i want to do #most of my early years after figuring out im trans i tried to just ignore it and focus on pride about my sexuality #since i couln't transition then anyway #but as time went on and i became an adult and there's still not a single glimpse of light on the horizon. I can't focus on it anymore #because you know. those things are interconnected. So now i just feel like an unlovable piece of shit! #Like i will never be what i was meant to be. what i want to look like. #and i dont even want to try for any manner of relationship before that . because even if anyone DID like the current version of me #that's not even me #birth is a curse and existence is a prison etcetera

[thedevotionaltour]

karen is MY special white woman. my problematic fave. because i understand why she sucks. i think in order to be allowed to be a karen fan you have to actually understand why she sucks. if you don't understand why she sucks then you're a bad karen fan i think.

#i think one of fhe reasons i dont like many of her fans and what made me feel :| about liking her at first is her many like. #unconditional supporters i think. and i get it. a lot of it comes from how misogynistic ppl are about her. but like. she also sucks mega bad #this is also mostly show fans. not many ppl are talking about her in a comic context. but it's like. #there is a difference from defending her from the very real misogyny against her VS defending her every move #the same way there is a big difference between critiquing her and analyzing her as a character vs straight up misogynist hate #but it's like. oughhhhh not enough of you get her. to be fair despite my jokes i know i cant claim to mega understand her either #but i think i give a lot more thought than some others do about her. #also all her wrongs are honest to god equivalent to many other male characters in this series in terms of ''''Bad Person''''. #but we get more of a focus on it bc she is the love interest. #but like. foggy is also deeply ableist to matt too. and rude as a friend to him for a long time. #and matt sucks so bad himself. and is /deeply/ misogynist for a long time in comics. #they all have their faults and when i think about that im like it really is no sin to like her. bc many other characters in terms of the #things people very validly crit about her. not many others of this cast are better! #and it's fine. bc it's who they are as people in their story. bc this is how real life often is and of course they will not hold the same #beliefs as you the real person who can often know better than them. due to also living in a very different time period from their creations #+ where most of these runs take place. #OKAY IM DONE TLDR I like karen! she sucks! but so does everyone else in this series! so i have let myself learn it is fine #but also. ohhhhh my beef with show karen. very different from my beef with comics karen. i have a lot of very specific beef with show karen #but also. a lot of that comes less from her as a character (MAJORITY OF THE TIME. DEFINITELY TIMES WHERE IT IS OF HER OWN AS A CHARACTER BUT #STILL IMPACTED BY) THE. HM. ATTITUDES OF THAT WRITING ROOM. THE VERY PISS POOR RACIST ATTITUDES OF THAT WRITING ROOM. #so trust me. trust me i doooooo understand the hate. but there is still a hefty majority of misogyny fueled hate about her instead of her #actual character flaws and the beliefs she has and holds and acts on. #but oh a karen lover who hates elektra in show well it makes me wish that blond woman would get laser shot. #but that is besides the point. point is i love comics karen and i think it's interesting to analyze and view her #my romance comic leading lady trapped in a cape comic<\3 #static.soundz

[bunnihearted]

🚬🧸🧃🎀

#anyway so yeah im so sick of hating myself. of missing out on things and being too scared to go after things i want when i have the chance #so sick of almost being 25 and having spent almost 6 years alone in my room missing out on life #and my mom and sister might be moving in the not too distant future #so i have to try to get my life together for real now!!! or homelessness will be awaiting me :D #what i will try to do.. is start going to the gym (w my mom so i dont have to deal w the anxiety of an unknown place by myself sksk) #i'll workout 3-5 times a week. every week. i like going to the gym so if i just get started i dont have a doubt i'll not be able to do it #i'll focus on finishing my english class. hopefully in december even if i have the possibility to get it extended a few months #then i'll start my other 4 classes in january #i'll be patient and wait for my ultrasound and get the gallstone situation fixed (latest in january if i need surgery) #(and i have to try to make sure i eat properly so i dont wind up with b12 deficiency... i cant eat anything without pain but i have to..) #also i have an appt at the psychiatric in mid october. and im still waiting on what my healthcare center says. hopefully i can get cbt #if possible i will really really try to apply for jobs as a personal assistant sometime between january-may #if i have a job instead of being on wellfare i will 1) have way more money 2) not feel constabtly anxious abt being rejected and homeless #i'll stop caring abt me being 'old' and a late bloomer. the planet is dying. who cares if im 28 and start university???? #i'll take my time to finish high school. and the thing is i really should get a job before starting higher vocational education #bc the program i want to start i HAVE to have a laptop. and theres no way i can afford that now. cant even save up to it #also need to find and put myself up on waiting lists for student housing/apartments so i can actually move #i hate this city and i need to get the fuck out of here!!!! #but the world is crazy rn and it's super hard to find places to live and find jobs but it's not impossible so i need to try #i cant live like this & i have no idea how tf i'll manage to be a normal person and have a life but i need to try bc what else am i gnna do?