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skyloftian-nutcase · 9 months

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Zelda's Personality

I did a post about how Link, despite being a player insert, has different personalities through the games that appear subtly and can be inferred based on his behaviors and responses. So now it's time for the Zeldas! More recent games have given more of a shining role to the character for whom the franchise is named, and I love the variety between them all, so let's explore it a bit! (At least for the games that I've played)

Ocarina of Time Zelda - My gosh. I love her so much. This woman ain't a princess, she is a Queen. She is so determined to protect her people that even as a child she's willing to order people around and go against the adults' wishes, despite being ignored. This girl is determined. Like, BotW Zelda gets put down over and over despite her efforts and she is understandably dejected and goes along with what her father wants. This Zelda is straight up like I'M RIGHT YOU'RE WRONG and just moves on LOL. Not only is she determined, she has a plan. A very foolish childish plan because she is a child and no one is going to stop her.

And, naturally, since it's a child's plan against an adult who has all the other adults wrapped around his fingers, it doesn't work. Zelda is left with a kingdom in flames, the evil man she was trying to stop obtained the Triforce, and her father is dead. She's fleeing her home and spends the rest of her childhood in exile. Something like this could destroy a person. And maybe it did. But she picked herself back up. And not only did she pick herself back up, she trained herself to fight. She learned everything she needed to about the Hero's journey so she could guide him when he returned. She stayed in hiding to avoid Ganondorf's watch. She protected the Triforce of Wisdom. This girl is a certified badass.

This Zelda is a fighter in every sense of the word. Nothing will stop her, not even her own mistakes. But she is sensitive too, she's aware of the damage this has done to Link and is apologetic and so incredibly sad. She carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. (Granted, this is Adult Timeline Zelda, but she is just Child Timeline Zelda put through a different scenario, so... same personality for both of them, just different circumstances).

So overall, this Zelda is decisive, resolute, never gives up, empathetic, and probably a little reclusive based on how she's always left to her own devices.

Skyward Sword Zelda - This girl is chaotic and it's wonderful. She pushes her best friend off cliffs and sky islands. She bullies the bullies. She's training in a knight's academy, which more people need to remember dang it. She's protective, she's anxious, she's bossy, she's curious.

This girl is also pretty darn adaptable. Like. She gets thrown out of the sky, out of everything she's ever known, tossed into a world of danger with no one to guide her but a stranger, and has to recover memories of being a freaking goddess and endure a journey of discovering herself while also being chased by Ghirahim. And she does it. Like... Link isn't far behind her, he goes after her literally the next day, and she's already doing her part of her adventure. She was told the fate of the world depends on you and she said okay, then, better get going. Like wow.

She has to have a strong sense of self. This girl found out she was a goddess and told Link after everything, "I'm still my father's daughter. I'm still your Zelda." She was called Your Grace, she was a spirit maiden for a deity her people worshipped, and she still said, "yes. Yes, all of this is true. But I'm still me." Like... I know we see her during her journey when she's still processing and not the aftermath, but this girl has a will of iron and will not let go of who she is.

In summary, this Zelda is courageous, has a strong sense of duty, is a gremlin, excitable, assertive, and stubborn.

Breath of the Wild Zelda - Oh, this poor princess. This Zelda is so sincere and wants to help so much, but she struggles with discovering herself and her powers. She is endlessly inquisitive and absolutely crushed under the pressure her father and her kingdom places on her. She lets it out through understandable frustration, pitting it against someone who, to her, represents everything she is not, which is so interesting.

This Zelda wants for the pieces to just fit but she can't figure it out, and instead of doing some introspection she just continues to look for alternatives. When she does do introspection, it's just to ask why she's defective. Things just need to make sense. I feel like an attitude like this implies that 1, Zelda has no instructor and therefore never learned how to learn, and 2, that implies that everything else she's good at has come naturally to her, such as technology. This girl is a scientist! Who has not learned the scientific method! Though she does try experiments, as poor Link can attest.

When Zelda is allowed to just be herself she seems very sweet and bubbly and excitable. She's so happy when she wants Link to try that frog! She's also incredibly chatty, bless her, having to put up with that silent knight all the time haha (yes, Link does eventually talk to her. Eventually.)

I would also like to note that the instant this girl gets her powers, she goes straight to the castle and holds Ganon at bay for a hundred years. The instant she's free of that burden and bondage, she wants to rebuild her kingdom. Like holy cow. This girl went from doubting herself so much to having so much hope. She is a symbol of hope for her Hyrule.

BotW Zelda is uncertain initially, but learns to have faith in herself and more importantly has all the faith in the world in her people. She is inquisitive, extremely intelligent, energetic, bubbly, and very sensitive.

Twilight Princess Zelda - One of the more mysterious and less prominent Zeldas in her series, this woman radiates quiet strength and regalness. Also, her very first scene (or maybe it's a cut scene flashback in her first interaction in the game) shows her brandishing a sword to fight alongside her soldiers. Hell yes, Queen. But she also has the wherewithal to recognize when she's outplayed. She is wise and knows when to fold to avoid needless casualties. She is willing to put herself in such a vulnerable state in order to protect others. She knew that fighting would still result in the kingdom being overcome by Twilight magic with bonus dead soldiers, so she opted for doing it without the dead soldiers. Knowing when you're beaten and taking it with grace to figure things out takes not only wisdom but humility.

This Zelda is also just... so incredibly understated. Her sadness over her kingdom's fall into disarray is poignant but subtle. Her compassion for Midna when she's dying is muted, but so clearly evident in that she gives her remaining life energy to her. Her acceptance of Link as the Hero, and her sign of respect to him and petition for his aid is just oh my goodness, the regal bow, the willingness to fight alongside him, I love her.

With as little as she features in the game and with as quiet as she can be, she honestly is hard to peg down, but overall this Zelda strikes me as someone who feels deeply and expresses little of it. She's quiet, she's reserved, but she is humble and dignified and incredibly kind.

So there you have it. Some of the ladies for you. I love them all dearly and love to compare and contrast them. <3

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kurisus · 4 months

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Noragami: Final Chapter thoughts

For the last time :') I've been making these for roughly half the manga's runtime, both in chapter count and years. Which is wild to think, but anyway, spoilers under the cut. One final time.

I really spent the first half of this chapter with bated breath alternating between being relieved that Hiyori is okay and grew up to be a doctor and everything, and stressed about where Yato was and where her memories were. Then Yato showed up, and I think I burst into tears out of hysterics. They really got me, I thought he was gone.

That aside, it was an excellent chapter. I was right when I said that this would just be an epilogue and the true suffering was over, but god. god. I'm relieved they gave me that open ending and the chapter was mostly good old-fashioned Noragami silliness. With the expected gut punches.

It's probably a good thing that Yuka never got to reunite with her brother, but at least knows that he's resting in peace. That he was given a proper burial by someone who, at the time, barely knew him but wanted to make things right anyway. Great now I'm crying again.

Hiyori's pocket with the little capyper keychain she bought forever ago. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Yato's CPR being so intense it cracked Hiyori's ribs. god he was so desperate to save her. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

HER TOUCHING HER LIPS WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Fujisaki getting nostalgic seeing tall grass (as we know from the omake is called kaya) was weirdly touching. Though Father has faded, Kaya is the one that is still remembered. We never got to learn his real name, and while I am still curious about it, I can see the purpose--by not knowing his name, we the readers don't give him a lifeline.

That's not the only fourth wall lean in the final chapter. There was also Yato being able to save himself by becoming a meme, much like how the fandom and Adachitoka have memed on him for years as well.

Back to the chapter, it looks like Father's consciousness had always been lurking alongside Fujisaki's, maybe making him do things from time to time, which is really weird and creepy. Maybe he was dormant until the Yomi arc, but either way he's been doing this to a dozen other guys over the centuries. I'm glad the cycle was broken.

It's hilarious that Fujisaki tries to ask Hiyori out and she's just like haha not interested coo phone be upon ye.

I'm so glad the cherry blossom party has become an annual tradition with even more gods invited to the party. I'm also so glad that Yato refuses to release Kazuma and Bishamon apparently makes it a point to bully him about this whenever she sees him. But also, Kazuma doesn't seem to want to be released. He's just like yeah whatever man I'm glad you saved us. Cheers.

Side note, Kazuma's new glasses look a lot like the ones he was wearing in that 100 years ago flashback of him and Bishamon, around chapter 68 or 69 I think?

So we also get to see the aftermath of what happened to Yukine--he still transforms into a wolf every now and then, because much like how Nora transforms into a snakelike creature whenever she loses control of her emotions, his form is a wolf, and unlike Nora he's always been very emotional. So the nightmares come out and Yato's left with a giant wolf thrashing around in their shared living space lol, but at least his dad is there to hug him :')

WAIT STOP PAUSE EVERYTHING IT LOOKS LIKE THEY SHARE A BED NOW. I JUST COLLAPSED INTO A BALL.

AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH

The panel of Yato hugging him made me lose it again. THEY'RE SOOOOOOOO.

So we never did get to find out what happened to Yukine's father--but as I pointed out in the reread I did during December, I don't think it matters. Yukine wasn't going to exact revenge on him anyway because he's not the kind of person to do so.

The page of Nora reading Hiyori's diary also made me so sad. Hiyori's right--she probably did have parents who loved her, but she never got to meet them. One thing I noticed throughout this manga is shinki habitually chasing something relating to their pasts. Yukine craves a good relationship with a father figure, Kazuma is obsessed with Bishamon because he missed out on marrying a girl he loved, Daikoku acts like a dad to every child he meets because he died before having his own kids, and like Yukine, Hiiro craves the parental love she never had. And as Hiyori pointed out, being given a name by Father was like being given life.

Since we didn't get to see what became of her name situation, but Yukine still bears the Hagusa name, she must still have Mizuchi. If her master is gone, can she still draw borderlines? Does she hang around with Yato and Yukine still? Adachitoka didn't say Kofuku DIDN'T name her, so...

The way Hiyori remembered Yato because of his scent had me SOBBING, yall. She didn't forget, but she did solve her problem and it was solved by people, just like they've been saying throughout the manga. But now, they can be together again. Yato was away from her for some years, and maybe he'll leave for several more (it's been a repeated thing in the manga that he'll insist he has to stay away for her own good), but the point is that even if it's been years and years, she'll always remember him. It's open-ended, but that just means it can be my preferred ending of Hiyori not forgetting but choosing to distance herself. She'll meet up with Yato and Yukine every once in a while living her own, separate, fulfilling life. They've been watching over her all these years anyway.

And so, that brings us to the close. It's as happy an ending as we could have possibly gotten, and above all else, I'm relieved. I've been saying for...years, probably, that I want an open ending, but I really thought it was off the table with recent events.

Final hangups are the same as they were in my final reread (tagged under #Noragami reread on my blog), so I won't repeat them, but the bottom line is that I got everything I wanted out of this ending--except maybe a trio hug? But that interior illustration of the four of them, all smiling and happy, Yato's arm around his sister, made up for that. I kind of wish there was a Yatori kiss for real, but the panel of her touching her lips also assuaged that.

Anyway, I'm not sure what other manga would/will make me unhinged enough to type up monthly thoughts posts for years, but I'll be tuned in to whatever new Adachitoka has coming up. Whether it's a full series, a short series, or just a oneshot, I'll be reading every word. I'm also looking forward to getting the final volume once it releases here, and praying for an artbook announcement.

Thank you for reading! I have some posts to make, some projects to plan, and I'll be diving into the tag once more for old times' sake. This won't be the last of me!

#Noragami #Noragami spoilers #Noragami manga #:')#live update

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cyphyree · 3 months

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Giorno 2, 3, 9,and 15

Hell yeah, the lil guy himself!

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

I love how the narrator states that Giorno's heart became a righteous one, but whatever that means is incredibly subjective. Sure, I like to think that he tries his best to do good, but we hardly get to really see what his goals really are. Can we trust that he actually wants to ban the drug trade aimed at vulnerable people, or did he say so because he's deduced that he could manipulate Bucciaratti that way? That's something I've seen being debated a lot, especially since the manga didn't have that anime scene where The Gangster is specifically against drug trading with children (therefore implying that Giorno adopted the same belief). He also just has no qualms about killing an enemy before he's met them properly (like Sale), because hey this is the mafia, they're going to kill you if you don't kill them first. Even in the enemy rush that's Stardust Crusaders, most enemies just have to get bonked hard enough to take a nap.

But listen, maybe it's because I'm biased or whatever, but even from a more objective lens, Giorno seems to care deeply even if he can't show it. I keep thinking specifically about the part where he talks to Bucciaratti in the car to Rome, and how distraught he seems. You can argue that his pride was hurt because GE failed and he was about to lose a strong ally, and I mean maybe that's part of it. But it's during the solitary and quiet moments that we see Giorno as himself a little bit more, and coincidentally those are my favourite canon moments of him.

He also just let cats walk all over him at the docks and doesn't bother to do anything about it. So there's that.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

We could've gotten a cool 1 v 1 battle between pre-GER Giorno and Daivolo, BUT WE DIDN'T and I'm so sad about it. His dad got to destroy half of Cairo with Jotaro, this just isn't fair. I want to see what a life-bringer vs time-skip fight looks like. Maybe Giorno's doing that to distract Diavolo while everyone else was chasing after Chariot Requiem, you know?

What if Diavolo thinks he can stand-rush Giorno's vine shield during the time skip, but when time resumed he gets pummeled via attack reflection.

What if Giorno distracted Diavolo with a giant tree growing, which Diavolo dodges via time skip, only to get skunk-sprayed in the face.

What if he slips on a banana that turns into a gun.

We were robbed of self-proclaimed time lord mafia boss getting decked by a 15-year-old flower boy in the most looney tune ways possible.

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

Eh......... I feel like that's more up to him. I'd probably be nervous because I don't like to bother people in general, but I think we'd mostly likely keep to ourselves most of the time anyway. Maybe share infodumps sometimes, I don't know.

It might just be a security concern if I keep bumping into enemy stand users and gang members though.

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

I don't have one, to be honest. I like the symbolic duality that he and Fugo has, but I've never felt super strongly about Giorno being attracted to anyone romantically.

I do think he has very deep bonds with his friends though. I just like the idea of him trying to maintain relationships with what's left of the team. It would be hard because of power imbalances, the journey's aftermath, and the consequences of Giorno's actions. Maybe he grows up never being close to anyone, platonically or otherwise. But there's still the possibility that, after years of ostracization and neglect, maybe he'll finally have a family.

#ask box #giorno giovanna #golden wind #vento aureo #jjba #jojo's bizarre adventure #jojo thoughts

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pinkandpurple360 · 4 months

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[leaked storyboard spoilers from last year]

bro i havent seen any leaks other than the ghostf*ckers millie and the sinsmas octavia tantrum one. iirc nothing has been leaked for blitzfizz although fizz and robo fizz are both confirmed to return for season three. we know alex brightman recording at least twice for season 3 (one of them being a session with james iglehart so we’re prob getting more fizzarozzie) and the only audio released was in his solo session using his fizz voice to loud yell “fuck.”

honestly based on the way brandon and viv talk it sounds like the remainder of fizz’s story (at least in helluva) is going to be him and ozzie facing the aftermath of mammon (but it’s unclear what that entails), and something involving the robo fizzes that may or may not be tied into that (evil robo fizzes fnaf style? or some clone wars individuality arc?). there hasnt been anything said on how/if blitz fits into this, but my guess is he’d be less directly interacting with fizz and more watching him (the problem that comes with blitz being the stephen universe protag who needs to be the main in every episode even if he dors nothing for its plot)

this sounds bleak but considering how brandon said blitz is done reconciling with fizz and they’re amicably parting ways while still supporting each other, i honestly dont think there’s much left for blitzfizz. other than those eps where fizz is a guest star i think the remainder of helluva will be the Stolas Show with fizz being segregated to the Fozzie show.

Are you sure Octavias sing isn’t mastermind? That’s make more sense. And anon it’s hardly a tantrum but a mental breakdown….

That is all really sad and tragic news. I’ll never recover. Lol. Honestly…ships aside, I haven’t seen anything that’s making me want to keep watching. IMP aren’t a thing anymore. My favourite characters get hurt (Via, Blitz, Millie) over and over for angst bait, there’s zero over arching plot left. Any development is just angst and very bad depictions of mental health. Or some amatonormative nonsense…IMP has abandoned their premise for good. Honestly? If something isn’t changing soon.

Shows dead.

Is that what Brandon said? Because that doesn’t seem to be the case with all the plot setup in Oops. Who separated them, was Fizz setup to be with Mammon and even Ozzie? Does fizz have parents? They haven’t unpacked really…anything? And fizz doesn’t forgive him, yet, he just said he’ll tolerate him. Blitz played an important part to the continuity of the episode but he wasn’t allowed to do anything but parrot Asmodeus, and I feel like Oz was just kindve shoved in at the end as a romantic saviour.

Viv threw away such a great character, with so much in depth story, who could have connections and dynamics with pretty much all the main cast…just for stolas to cry some more. And we all know he’ll get what he wants. At the cost of the premise, and a good story.

I don’t know how blitz and fizz could possibly be finished. It seems cruel to pull him away from Fizz and force him with stolas instead because of someone else’s machinations. Idk where Barbie is. I’m almost more interested in Barb talking to Fizz than I am Blitz. I also have no idea what’s left for the stolas show, his contributions are mute, and his dynamics with the characters are mute.

Fizz just angrily screams a curse word. ok.

What do we think the robot fizz is about?

Also anon I disagree really hard, about the Steven thing. With Steven, he hogged screen time away from stories about Pearl garnet, amethyst etc, and they are also main character. Sad as it feels to admit, and all of his potential to the themes of helluva boss. Fizz isn’t a main character, without Blitz or at least one of the main characters there, Fizz has absolutely nothing to do with the main story. At all. His ship even less so.

Idgaf about fizzozzie (in canon) anymore either they’re just… so emptily written. The only interesting thing left is a breakup. Not a wedding. It feels like Fizz ditched imps to upgrade himself to royals and hellborn and now he’s a “royal imp” implicitly treated as superior to other imps, because of talent. They don’t have enough going on for a separate show, Fizz is fine where he is. When he’s away from Asmodeus he shines as a character. With him…he’s just empty.

I cant keep lying to myself. Within this overarching story—They bore me, they add nothing to it, unless the worst thing possible is true and they’re just stolitz fuel…which makes no sense…the two relationships have zero in opposite nor the same.

I think that’s why people preferred Oops to Mammons special…the latter is filler and nothing more. The protagonist wasn’t in it enough, and in Oops they introduced a brand new and interesting relationship, and potential to start a love triangle plot, hell even a love square or polyamory, but….it just doesn’t. They stick to the status quo. Very disappointing.

Lastly no offence but I hope the speculations don’t turn out to be true….I hate them ^^;

#helluva boss spoilers

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greypetrel · 10 months

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Hello! 🌙✨ Chiedo anch'io un po' un mix: Eowyn e Cassandra 👀

OMG you asked the two crushes!

Thank you *evil laugh*

Eowyn:

First impression: I was blown out as a child. Beside the look and the sleeves... Oh my god I remember the day I saw her, I wanted to be her so bad and dress like her and the JOY when she and Faramir, the other besties kissed! They were my first OTP and I remember I was so happy and started drawing stuff.

Impression now: Freaking epic. I reconsidered a little her crush over Aragorn as No lady YOU'RE A BABY LEAVE THE DILF ALONE. Still, she's one of the characters I like the most ever and the one I'll slam upon everyone uncautious enough to tell me to my face that Tolkien didn't know how to write women or was a maschilist. He was a man of his time, sure. Maschilist? No I don't think so. She's a complex character struggling with her place in the world and in a world that tries to define her. She is good and honourable... But still will carve her path with her bare hands if she must. And she did, and in the end did a lot, she fought to find the place she wanted and it paid off. Had Tolkien really been a maschilist, she wouldn't have slain the Witch King. In the end she chooses to settle down, yes, but on her own terms. At least, I read it like this. It's not staying because she's a woman and that's her place, it's staying because she tasted heroism, she did her part, the war is over and it still wasn't enough. But maybe finding people that understand her and don't try to tie her up... Maybe that's enough. "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose".

Favorite moment: "I am no man." Hands down the most epic moment in the saga can't beat that. Slay, girl.

Idea for a story: Seriously, ANYTHING with her. More of her relationship with Eomer and Theodred maybe? More Edoras pre-war and how Wormtongue crept his way in? I love Rohan as a concept so really anything with that I'll be down for.

Unpopular opinion: Is there an unpopular opinion of. I don't think there is, we're all Eowyn stans here are we. I'll maybe say that Eomer had an equal crush over Aragorn and BOTH of them were pining hard. ("Aragorn senpai look at me ridigin into battle! :D" cit. book!Eomer)(quoted as unpopular because I never saw it around that much)

Favorite relationship: *looks above* She and Faramir dealing with coping with failed expectations (their own or others') and finding softness together. Also every interactions she has with Theoden is gold, and her relationship with Merry is as well! Besties.

Favorite headcanon: This fic I read from @scyllas-revenge lives in my head rent free and it's just... The ultimate fluff.

Cassandra:

First impression: "Oh damn this dude got himself into serious troubles, I wouldn't go against that woman. Pretty tho.". I tried to romance her at first in Inquisition and was very sad when she turned Aisling down. (you can all mock her and her Templar kink, yes.)

Impression now: I love Cassandra and her flaws and contradictions. I love that she's basically made of granite, you won't move her with cannons... and yet, she's there, ready to think twice and change her mind accordingly. She's multi-faceted and honestly one of the funniest characters in Inquisition. I love strong women that have a soft side and she has definitely one.

Favorite moment: The cutscene in Trespasser. Years pass and yet she'll still be gullible to a good romance story told by her very favourite author.

Idea for a story: A modern AU where she is the one and only author writing in the Swords & Shields fandom. Varric reads every single one of her stories, at first it was to mock her and her inability to recognise a trash book, then he felt affectionate to this utter devotion. A Misery AU with her an Varric. (...thinking about it better, DA2 is really a Misery fantasy AU...) Beside that, something exploring the aftermath of her nasty comments over Elven religion if you bring her along in one specific mission. An elf inquisitor facing her on that and discussing it. I wrote part of this months ago oops.

Unpopular opinion: She'd make the worst Divine of the three and would suffer greatly in the role.

Favorite relationship: She and Varric. In any sauce and way and in tutti i luoghi e tutti i laghi.

Favorite headcanon: She's Varric and Hawke number 1 fangirl, she read the Tale of the Champion and begged to be sent to interrogate them. When she meets Hawke, she's internally screaming and won't wash the hand Hawke shook for the whole day.

#characters headcanons #dragon age #lotr #eowyn #cassandra pentaghast #*hawke appears* *Cassandra hears YOU SEE ME IN HINDSIGHT TANGLED UP WITH YOU ALL NIGHT 🎶*

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bronzewool · 8 months

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The marketing surrounding Ever Crisis is starting to concern me.

"We still don't know Sephiroth"

Good. Despite what remake thinks, I don't need to know every tiny detail about these characters.

That was my main complaint with Traces of Two Pasts. It was just a cheap cash grab to sell a book about Tifa and Aerith's backstories, where there was nothing in the pages that changed our perspective of the two as characters or altered our experience playing the game on a second playthrough.

The fact that game begins after the Wutai War was a deliberate move by the creators. As a kid Cloud fantasies about becoming a hero just like Sephiroth but by the time he's old enough to join Shinra, the war is already over and the world doesn't need heroes right now. We never see the war through flashbacks but we hear enough from second-hand accounts and how history is already being written by the winners.

Shinra now controls all corners of Gaia and is presented as a force of good towards the stubborn Wutai who couldn't see reason by just giving up their land so they could make more mako reactors and free clean energy for everyone :D

The planet is dying and Wutai was the final sprint to ensure Shinra's monopoly on a now desolate planet where flowers can't grow.

Wutai is so scarred by this loss it becomes a tourist attraction and gets it's own sideplot in the form of Yuffie who joins Cloud's party in hopes of returning her homeland to it's former glory.

There is so much left unsaid about the Wutai War but the aftermath is felt throughout the game, which is why I'm not interested in a prequel where Sephirith feels sad for conquering said territory and murdering its people, or possibly changing the circumstances in order to rid him of any responsibility.

Because the original game did an amazing job highlighting Sephirith's best and worst qualities. He is a powerful warrior and skilled tactician who can lead his troops to victory but does not question the destruction he brings in his wake. He was even given the name "The Demon of Wutai" for his role in single handling conquering it and had his face plastered on every poster to sell this false image of him to further Shinra's own agenda (which worked because Cloud, Zack, Genesis and Angeal all recruited to become just like Sephiroth).

We know very little about Sephiroth but he is complex enough to get the point across. He cares for his men and puts the wellbeing of others first, but he is still a tool of Shinra and if ordered to do something then he will do it most efficiently with the least amount of bloodshed.

I don't want this to be a Crisis Core situation, where we take all these well-established scenes and ruin them by shoving more characters who don't need to be there, or pull an Anakin Skywalker where we muddy Sephiroth's character by over-explaining everything to the point it destroys the reputation of the original source material.

#Rant #I like the design #Baby sephiroth is cute and i want to protect him #But how can you tell a wutai story #But also make Sepiroth the hero?#Unless you relieve him of any responsibility in his role in the war #Which is kinda hard with his body count...#fandom: ff7

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atopearth · 6 months

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Final Fantasy XVI Part 3 - To Live is to Hope

I'm glad they addressed the anklet on Torgal's leg, I've been curious about it. Nice to know it was from Cid. I'm glad the kids helped stand up for L'ubor because I was just about ready to leave this town to die. But of course it's better for everyone to be alive because then that can truly change the situation of the people and the Bearers. I liked the quest following in the will of Archduke Elwin. I'm sure he must be really proud to see both his sons living as he would have wanted them to, unwavering in their beliefs for a world where Bearers and everyone can live as they will. I like Isabelle, she's very strong, mature and cool. Her story was very bittersweet too, it's a common story but you could really feel how grateful she was towards Northreach and the Veil for taking her and her lover who was a Bearer in when no one else would, and how much they treated her like family and kin that she's willing to give everything to protect this town and it's people. Her strength and resolve throughout the game in caring for this town goes to show how beautiful Northreach is and also why I have a soft spot for this town too.

It was really sweet to know that Clive tried to take Jill to see snow daisies when they were young because she was sad. He didn't get to show it to her back then but at least now he's been able to fulfil that promise. It's not as romantic as the flower scene in FFVIII before the end but not many things can top the feelings I had back in the day. Anyway, I'm really glad we got this scene because I was like, what about Jill the whole time I was doing all these side quests haha. Glad she got a bit more screentime and it really warmed my heart seeing them hug each other so comfortably and happily. I'm happy that we got the Dion side quest, I think he and I really needed it. Harpocrates also needed it I guess since he never got to watch over Dion any more than the brief time he did when Dion was young, but the fact that Dion remembers and respects him goes to show his importance in his heart. It was cute how Mid also hugged Dion before they left for Origin and he was so surprised haha. But what about Terence? Did he die? I really wanted Dion to get a proper farewell too. I really like Gav's relationship with Clive, so when he started crying, I wanted to tear up too😭 What?! No Torgal for the final battle? That's ridiculous, we've never separated from him, how could we go without him? What is life without Torgal? I mean I should say the same for Jill but I have to admit that I feel more incomplete without Torgal than Jill lmao.0

I knew it was basically impossible for Joshua to live until the end but having to watch him die and Clive absorbing the Phoenix just makes me sad. Little Joshua knighting Clive was the cutest thing ever. As for Ultima, honestly have no feelings for him because he's a pretty typical JRPG villain lol. What, I couldn't believe that was the ending because it was so anticlimactic, I wasn't sure what to feel even when I got back to the title screen. And honestly, what I hate most aren't endings I dislike but inconclusive endings and this is one. It reminds me of Gantz and I'm still salty to this day. I honestly don't care if our main characters really died or not, I don't care if the ending is sad or happy, but I hate that they showed nothing that was an "ending". Everything was just the aftermath of the final battle and then the end. Even that book is just a cop out to make you feel better or something, is it written by the real Joshua resurrected? Clive in his name? Jote in his memory? It could be anything but because they refuse to show it, I don't think I really care either. Just seeing Jill and Gav cry as they welcome in a new life is very unsatisfying. I felt bad for Torgal. How many people he cared about died before him? Anyway yeah, I have no doubt that a world with L'ubor, Martha, Byron and Isabelle and them will be perfectly fine but that doesn't mean I spent 60-70 hours on a journey with Clive just to not see a proper ending for him and I'm just disappointed in this decision. Maybe they're trying for DLCs again or a sequel (EDIT: DLCs coming as expected I guess) but seriously, it leaves a bad aftertaste considering everything that's happened. Dion's implied death was the worst. And the battle where we couldn't play with Bahamut or Phoenix was lacklustre considering how great the battles with Titan and Bahamut were. Anyway, it's crazy how the Bahamut fight was so long, but the ending to an entire game was so short and meaningless.

Overall, I still enjoyed FFXVI. The highlights of the game are definitely the Eikon fights and the side characters. I'm not one to fall for the sway of graphics considering I grew up with the blocks in FFVII but I can very assuredly tell you that the fight against Titan was great, and the fight against Bahamut was pretty freaking cool despite how terrible of a situation it was. In terms of Eikon fights though, I was quite disappointed that Shiva never really got to shine considering how beautiful she was and how cool Shiva always is. Even Garuda had better screentime. Odin had his splitting the sea moment too. As for the side characters, honestly the side quests were tedious at times because running around was annoying and there's only so many times we can kill bandits and fetch materials that are super far away.

I'd say the side quests were worth doing because they really helped towards world building and giving me a better view of how towns and people were. I won't say I liked all of them but Martha and Wade, Isabelle, Eloise and Theodore were great. In terms of main story characters though, my favourites were definitely Joshua, Dion, Gav and Cid. It's funny but this is one of the rare times where I actually loved the younger brother more than the older brother hahaha, I guess I just loved how even though Clive was Joshua's shield, Joshua turned out to be the one to protect him more than he did once they got older. I loved the sibling love and care for each other. I loved Dion's story the most because it was very straightforward and understandable. He was a good guy who cared about his people and his father but wasn't able to stop the destruction caused by Ultima because of these feelings he had for them. Gav and Clive is my favourite relationship because their trust and heart to heart to each other just makes me happy to watch all the time. Cid was cool and a great role model, charismatic and strong in his beliefs, a good way to show what Clive was to become as he continued his journey.

However, I do have to say I probably have more negatives than positives for this game. Personal preference but I wasn't a fan of the combat system. I can understand why there's no "magic system" but the utter lack of debuffs and status changes etc really makes battles quite one dimensional in that your focus is really to combo and dodge/block. Attacks from enemies are basically meaningless because the only difference is how much damage they do and not what they do. Weapons and accessories aren't any better because weapons can only have better damage and stagger but nothing else, and accessories don't really add much change to make me really care what I was using. I mean as I've said, I was using the accessory that does attacks for me so you can take my words with a grain of salt lol but I was just so disinterested in the combat, I couldn't bring myself to bother. Oh and the non-existent party system was disappointing because it never really mattered if you had a party or not, it was just more characters on screen but really, I always felt alone in battle and completely forgot their existence. Anyway, as I was disappointed with Shiva's lack of screentime, I was also disappointed with Jill's presence in the story because her character fell flat for me. She and Clive were cute at times but I kinda wish she had more of a character if that makes sense. Barnabas was also disappointing considering he was closest to Ultima and that he was Odin, so he could have brought more insight and development to those things but nope. I have to say though, the story was very average. I thought the story was going to be more "mature" and go for the exploration of politics, Clive's revenge and fight for forgiveness etc but instead it went down the JRPG killing god route which was very disappointing to me especially considering how boring Ultima was. Oh well I guess. Despite my grievances, I'd still give it a 7.5, it was a nice ride but nothing really hit me, it basically met my expectations which was that even if I don't like the game, the Eikon fights should be cool, and I'd say the game definitely delivered in that aspect with Bahamut, which is kinda ironic because when I first saw Bahamut, I thought he was the ugliest out of all the Eikons hahaha! Who would have thought I'd like his Dominant Dion, and the Eikon fight the most in the end? Odin was the most beautiful but also the most disappointing. Anyway, I'd say the game is worth playing just to see the Eikon fights haha, they are just that visually stunning!

#final fantasy xvi #final fantasy 16 #ffxvi

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cladestruction · 8 months

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PART III of my super long aotd thoughts (and prayers) commentary/analysis extravanganza🤪

warning: spoilers. repetition of words/expressions hehe. badly written (english is not my first language lol). looong text. curse words. biased opinions because this is my blog and i get to do with it as i please.

previously: part I | part II

so long, gay Dick: ok i’m sorry. yes, this was so painful i couldn’t process it properly until the fifth time i watched the scene. it’s so sudden and so… mystical? but like, in a vague way? i like that it’s established how compromised Dick is with this whole prophecy and church thing. it’s surprising (to me, at least) to see him react so quickly to protect the band. makes me wonder if he knew, since the very beginning of this spiritual-guidance-thing that he would have to protect the band with his own life at some point. the thought makes me very sad. and it doesn’t help that as soon as the shield is up, the scene goes kinda quiet. we see the boys getting confused about just everything that happened in the span of seconds, and Nathan running to punch at the shield, desperately trying to reach Knubbler. they were close, all of them, after all. and when they see he has no shield yet still walks calmly in front of them, covering them, as he waits for the unstoppable to happen, it’s sad. i have to say too that it broke my heart that he wasn’t smiling at them either. a lot of death scenes like this make the character accept their death in peace, smiling at the protagonist(s) in a reassuring way. it’s the typical don’t worry, it’s not your fault. goodbye kinda scene. but Dick doesn’t do that. and it makes sense and i like that it’s made that way but ugh, it’s still painful. he looks at them one last time. i’m not sure if he is aware this is what was bound to happen and the boys still have a chance at defeating Salacia, or if in his mind the last thing he sees is just: the guys who failed at saving the world. so he’s just there. standing, helpless, yet serious. i wonder if he was pissed off at them or something lmao. maybe he wanted to be by their side a little longer but couldn’t because they failed to follow orders. maybe he wished to be their producer for one album more, but knew this was his place in the prophecy and saying goodbye was proving to be a bit harder than he expected. who knows. i found it very curious how they didn’t actually show him die either. it’s implied, of course, but for a show that’s never afraid to show blood and organs and melting skin it’s weird that he just: vanishes. i’m not sure if they were trying to make his death something special and different, something that wouldn’t fall in the category of other gore deaths, but i also feel like that left it too vague. i mean, to all Knubbler fans out there, my heart goes out to you but psst, maybe we can collectively agree that he can be alive somehow, somewhere. anything is possible, stay strong.

running away and aftermath: you know by now i am a big fan of Nathan and Pickles, so i’m having a blast. that scene of Nathan with his fists up against the shield and the fire covering the room on the other side is very cool. he looks weak, even being a big muscular man as he is. makes me think how many times he’s felt helpless in his life, as he most certainly could always punch his problems away and deal with stuff using his fame and power. it’s cool to see him fail, i like that he is being pushed to a place where he’s just: a guy. a lost and confused guy. and of course Pickles is the one to go to him and get everyone on the run. i like that he goes for the notebook too. it’s very convenient because we can tell it’ll be a plot device in some future scene, but it’s still on character for Pickles to pick it up. he is still on his “gotta be a good friend” mindset and that involves looking out for Nathan and the stuff he forgets/doesn’t see. he is shown even in the show to be very good at looking out for everyone and is very resourceful even in extreme situations. i think back to rehabklok, when he is trapped in a room and panicking because the guys are in trouble. despite all that, he still manages to get out and go save them. it’s cool, i love him, let’s move on. i like the little scene of the mushrooms growing, idk. they are even on the album cover too, i like it very much. i like that we get to see survivors too, props to them for being stronger and braver than the marines because holy shit everything is destroyed. Toki is carrying Skwisgaar and i’m a fan. they are walking, i don’t know where or why but hell yeah i’d follow them anywhere.

cave sceneee: OK YES i’ll say this immediately i LOVE the thing they did with Skwisgaar: the trance, his guitar and the repeating DEADFACE notes. i love how the tuner is brought back and this time it goes from Toki to Skwisgaar. it’s a very simple payback but you know i was kicking my feet at it. also, the guitar is important to Skwis for obvious reasons but it’s established to be for emotional support too, as shown to be practically his coping mechanism. i could make an essay about Skwisgaar, his guitar, his trauma and his skill and how all those things coexist and codepend, but that’d be for another occasion. the PICKLES ASTHMA ATTACK and Nathan telling him to pull it together? yeah i like that shit too, what can i say. i have asthma too so REPRESENTATION !!! and idk, i guess i love to see Pickles freak out because it always feels very real. he is a chill guy and all but my man has a lot of triggers, and of course he does, his childhood was fucked up and he supposedly has many trust and abandonment issues yet to solve. that and the world-ending atmosphere HAD to trigger a crisis in him, so i’m glad they showed it, even if it’s such a short little scene of him in the background trying to catch his breath. it’s a bit sad for me to realize that just now they are wondering about Murderface. Pickles apparently had him in his radar too when it all went to shit, but he didn’t run after him. it makes sense, of course, it was too dangerous, but it’s still sad they just: left him go on his own. now Crozier !!! it’s kinda embarrassing to say but i immediately trusted him the first time i saw this scene. he could’ve easily betrayed them and just: lie. but i trusted him and so did the boys and i’m glad they did. (tmi: that shot of Nathan’s sideprofile, and his arm when he grabs Crozier’s neck made me GASP. anyway) it’s cool when he inspected Skwisgaar, idk why i liked that. it was a second-long scene but it made sense lmao. the man’s a military guy, he is the only one prepared enough to say “yup, this is just shock from the explosion. we just have to wait” and even tho it’s kind of unnecessary, it was what made the others trust him a bit more and that’s great foundation for the future scene. i love to see Nathan connect the dots. when he says “Salacia!” as Crozier explains everything, i smiled so proudly. Nathan IS very smart, everyone else needs to just SHUT UP and let my boy use his braincells. it was sad when Crozier pretty much admitted that he was so sick of Salacia preying on him that the very small hint of freedom he got he jumped to what he thought would be his death. as if he were so desperate that death would be the only way out. that’s always a sad thought for me. i’m glad he didn’t die tho, and i’m glad here they planted the basis of the importance of the water to both exorcise AND defeat Salacia (again, because it was hinted already, more than once during the show. but it’s nice they repeated it here to refresh everyone’s memories).

DEADFACE: UGH THIS SCENE OMG THIS SCENE !!! i am shaking now just by writing about it lmao. when they discover he is the traitor is GREAT. they are always quick to shit-talk him but here they are just: surprised AND hurt. and then Skwisgaar opens his eyes ??? and deasface starts playing ??? i SCREAMED, i CRIED, i THREW UP. when i watched this the first time i was so scared it would be another Nathan Explosion solo adventure or something, so i was beaming with joy when the rest of the boy showed up to corner Murderface. great visuals, and it’s such a good addition to have Crozier’s voiceover on the background. when he says “your friend is innocent” i choked up, i’m not kidding. i like how the explosions don’t stop Nathan from searching for Murderface, it’s cute. and when he found him, and Murderface looks like this little feral creature UGH, good shit. the fact that Nathan says nothing, and just holds out his hand is so so cute i could’ve puked my heart out. they both look so confused. Nathan doesn’t know how to get to him, how to help him, maybe he doesn’t even expect Murderface to take his hand, but he still hold it out. and Murderface, he looks so lost and scared. Crozier says Salacia is still inside him but this looks more like: just Murderface. a very sad and sorry Murderface, terrified of what he just did.

Exorcism: i like how the guys are struggling just a bit to hold Murderface, but seemingly more because of how fucked up it is what they are about to do than because Murderface is capable of overpowering his 4 bandmates. i LOVE how they are all holding a different limb and how ready they are to cooperate and do this correctly. Nathan, of course, directs them but they are all participating and they are perfectly coordinated. this might be the most important thing they have to do as a group so i absolutely love how they were shown to be both determined and horrified to drown their friend in order to save him, of course. everyone looks so scared, Pickles and Skwisgaar are even holding their eyes shut. it’s such an important scene and those shots of Murderface’s hand reaching out for Nathan, his friend, is HEARTBREAKING. when everything stops, i like that Nathan looks at the others, as if he was making sure they were still okay, because he knows this was difficult for all of them. the visuals of Salacia getting out of Murderface are very cool. as soon as the phantom goes away, Nathan is quick to go directly to Murderface and is determined to bring him back. he is shown serious and strong but also desperate, as everyone else watches in anticipation. there’s absolutely no dialogue, and oh god the soundtrack in this particular scenes is too good. Nathan dismisses Pickles when he reaches out but it’s not rude as other times the frontman has done that. it’s understandable even. Nathan just lost Knubbler some time ago, maybe he feels like if he could’ve reached him he would be still alive or something, maybe he blames himself for not doing more, so of course he is deadset on doing all he can to reanimate Murderface. we can even think back to religionklok and how horrible Nathan felt when he almost got Murderface killed, or how in doomstar requiem he made a promise to Murderface to save him too if he ever got in trouble. and yipee, saving Murderface he does.

“come back and suck” he says: it’s jarring to see the bassist immediately want to run away as soon as he wakes up, because it shows his mind must’ve been hell this entire time. when he brings back Magnus i almost cried. i’ll go ahead and say it: i’m not a Magnus fan. i do appreciate him as a character and the drama/conflict he brought to the show, i also respect him because of all the history he must have had with dethklok. but i never thought of him with much love or care (what he did to Toki was terrible and i actually hate him for that lmao) so i was surprised to see how important it was for me that the band remembered him in this scene. a band is a family, and Magnus was a part of it, so everything that happened is just sad. when Nathan says “Magnus never gave us a chance to forgive him” i got choked up thinking they could’ve all reconciled and gotten along and maybe even become a 6-member band (?) IF Magnus didn’t get fixed on playing victim and not asking for forgiveness. it’s made clear none of the boys wanted him to die, and the fact that Magnus is one of the faces that haunts Nathan since dsr makes it even more meaningful for them to let Murderface know how important forgiveness is, and how important it is that Murderface stays with them. not for the music, not for the prophecy, but for the friendship. i don’t agree with the reasoning of “sucking is important”, it’s weird. in the show it’s said that Murderface brings hate and brutality to the songs, they also say he is very good to point out things that suck so he helps the band stay centered if something does indeed suck. but idk, in my head i’ll take it more as a code word for friendship or staying, as when Toki says “suck the life of every waking moment with us” is just another way of saying please man, stay and let’s be friends forever. the exchange of “you can never hear the bass, but you can always feel it” made me cry. THAT was my breaking point. we were robbed of a band hug but guess i’ll have to draw it myself or whatever.

#long text sorry!#clade's aotd thoughts and prayers #clade talks #army of the doomstar #metalocalypse #aotd spoilers #army of the doomstar spoilers

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i-can-even-burn-salad · 2 years

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Chapter 7

Glass Shards

Warnings: Aftermath of torture/amputation, nudity

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A few times Damien woke up that day, and each time he found that Merridy had not yet returned. He listened and looked around as best he could from where he was resting. Once he even dared to call her name, very softly, but everything remained silent. At least the warmth was still trapped under the blankets she had bundled him up in, even after the hot water bottle had cooled down. He always tried to fall back asleep before his mind could conjure up all sorts of nightmares. She could have been captured, or betrayed him after all, or simply left him behind to save herself.

The next time he opened his eyes, she was sitting on a chair next to him, engrossed in a book as if she had never been away. This time she had her hair down, obscuring most of her face. He tried to speak, but her name only left his lips tonelessly and hoarsely. She immediately put the book aside.

“I didn’t mean to wake you up. You looked so peaceful. Are you in pain when you sleep?”

He shook his head and watched as she reached for the refilled water cup and put it to his lips. This time it worked better and she also allowed him to drink more quickly. Then her eyes wandered to some things she had placed on the table: wipes, water and a jar with some salve.

“I need to change your bandages and check the wounds,” she explained.

She looked as if she wanted to add something, but remained silent. Damien nodded, and while he couldn’t do much to help her, he didn’t resist as she moved him into a better position, placing a pillow under his right shoulder. The movement hurt, but he did not complain. Merridy flipped back the blanket and began to peel off the bandage.

“You don’t have to look,” she addressed him after following his gaze, which he had fixed rigidly on the strips of cloth. Under the blanket he had been able to suppress the truth halfway successfully, but now there was no doubt that there was no arm there. The first layers of the bandage had already been unwound and a dark, reddish brown shimmered out from under the rest.

“I want to see it,” he then replied with some delay, as if her words had taken a detour on the way into his mind. She nodded and continued with her work. Then, as she unwound the last bandage, stained with dried blood, they both held their breath.

What they got to see, however, was far less bad than Damien had feared. Where the arm should have been, there were flaps of skin sewn together with rough stitches, nothing else. Very carefully, Merridy began to wipe away the dried remains of the salve, and Damien drew in a sharp breath. That hadn’t been water on the table, but some other liquid that was now burning like fire. After she finished cleaning the stitches, she carefully and thoroughly applied a new layer of salve; then she began to cover the wound again and wrap the bandages, as before, around his torso and neck for extra support.

“It looks good,” she then finally broke the silence that had fallen between them. “I think it will heal well, although I’m sure it will take some time.”

“And what if it doesn’t? What if it comes back?” Damien’s voice trembled. He could feel each heartbeat pulsing in the wound. “When it got infected, they cut my hand off. It didn’t do any good. It just came back. I can’t... there’s nothing left.”

Merridy shook her head vigorously, but he could guess from the tears in her eyes that she had been thinking something similar.

“It won’t. It can’t. This time we’ll keep it clean and you can rest.” She was silent for a moment and now it was him who felt her hands shaking, as she obviously struggled to keep her composure. “You won’t die,” she whispered.

Damien swallowed, staring anywhere but at her. It would be a shame, he thought, to die now, when it would make her sad. She didn’t deserve it, to be sad because of him.

“Don’t think about it.” Her voice snapped him out of his thoughts. She finished her efforts with the bandage as she continued to speak. “I’ve got everything ready for tomorrow. You won’t have to do anything but lie down. You seem to be able to manage that.” She grinned broadly at these words, but didn’t look quite right to him. Grateful for the distraction, however, he focused on the new topic.

Merridy reached for his hand, to unwrap the bandage around his wrist. The shackle had left his skin raw and inflamed. “I will hide you on a cart and we will take the portal to Dragon's Reach. Another city might have been better, but the portal is tuned to Dragon's Reach every morning, and then tomorrow afternoon to—” She hesitated briefly before continuing. “Coroscol. I can’t take you there. If they’re looking for you anywhere, it’s there. And we can’t wait another day for another attunement either.”

The portals, probably one of the greatest achievements of the Order of Fire, connected the largest cities on the continent of Tere. For a few coins, one could save weeks of travel across the country. If Merridy knew he couldn’t go to Coroscol, she knew who he was. She knew what he had done. Why did she care for him anyway? Why was she still here and hadn’t turned him in already so that he would get his just punishment?

“Dragon's Reach may not be the pirates’ nest it used to be, but still, many don’t seem to take the law too seriously there. Just right for two fugitives, isn’t it?” She carefully cleaned and bandaged his wrist, all while she kept talking about Dragon’s Reach. When she was done, she carefully placed his hand next to him.

“Now we’ll get you dressed again, if you can at least help a little. I can’t do it alone. Let me pick out some clothes.” With these words, she stood up and went to a chest, opening it and rummaging around in its contents. Damien forgot all the thoughts that had flashed through his mind before. Her words had made him realize for the first time that he could no longer feel any fabric on his body, except for the blanket. It was ridiculous, he knew that himself, but when she returned, carrying a bundle of plain beige clothes, he was frozen.

“Pants or shirt first?” she then asked him and he managed a croaky “pants”. She nodded and, to his horror, pulled the blanket away from him. A terror, as unwanted as it was inappropriate, overtook him and made him break out in a sweat. If she noticed, she didn’t let it show, instead tucking first his one foot, then his other, through the legs of his pants and pulling the garment up inch by inch. Reaching his butt, she mused briefly, and he wished she would look elsewhere while she did so. She did him the favor and stared at his shoulder instead.

“If you try to lift yourself up, you will put weight on your shoulder. That’s not good. I’ll turn you sideways, put a pillow under your back, and then we’ll pull your pants up, okay?”

He nodded and let it happen without resistance, his stiffness slowly fading. Nothing happened. She only pulled up his pants, just as she had announced, and then supported him briefly to remove the pillow again. After spreading the blanket over his legs, she helped him to sit up, and to turn on the sofa so that he could put his legs on the floor and sit up properly. It made his head spin. He didn’t think he’d be able to sit up for long, but for the moment, it was a welcome change.

Careful to not touch his wounds more than necessary, Merridy pulled the shirt over his head, holding the sleeve until he slid his arm through it. Once he was dressed, she sat down on the table in front of him. Damien noticed a dark stain next to her that had discolored the wood. Blood. His blood. He couldn’t take his eyes off it, while memories of the previous night came back to him.

“Damien. Damien!”

Merridy’s voice made him flinch, so loudly had she called his name. He looked at her questioningly. If she had said anything else, he hadn’t heard it.

“When was the last time you ate something?” she asked a question that, judging by the tone of voice, she had already asked multiple times before.

“I don’t know,” he replied tonelessly. He didn’t even know how many days had passed since he had been brought to the dungeons — or how many days he had spent being transported there for that matter.

“I’ll get you something.” Merridy got up and disappeared into the room where the kitchen must be. He heard her fiddling with something, then she came back with a cup in her hand.

“It’s just milk with a little honey. After such a long time, you should take it slow, just to be safe,” she explained, settling down next to him on the sofa with an encouraging smile.

“I guess so,” he agreed with her, even though he admittedly didn’t feel hungry at all. He tried to raise his hand, but could barely even lift it from the cushions. Every single movement cost him as much strength as if he was stuck in mud.

Merridy had watched him and now put the cup to his lips herself, tipping it very slowly and carefully until he could take the first sip. To finally taste something other than water or his own blood was a blessing. He took another sip and just as the cup lowered another time, his stomach began to protest and tighten painfully. Damien jerkily raised his head and tried to focus on suppressing the nausea. He didn’t succeed. The pressure in his throat increased and he began to gag.

Merridy reacted immediately, put the cup aside and bent him forward so that he would not throw up on his fresh clothes or the blanket on his knees. While she stroked his back with one hand, she reached with the other for a cloth that still lay nearby. When the convulsions subsided, she wiped his mouth with it. She said something, but he couldn’t understand her. Tears came to his eyes. He felt so helpless and so completely useless. Only when she very slowly leaned him back against the cushion did he understand what she was saying.

“Drink a little water. Against the taste.”

Again she offered him a cup and this time he drank even more carefully than before. He half expected his stomach to protest again, but it remained calm. After a while the disgusting taste in his mouth subsided. He closed his eyes and let his head sink against the cushion.

“Damien?”

It took a willful effort to open his eyes again. Merridy was holding something small he couldn’t make out.

“I got this,” she said, turning the thing in her fingers. “It’s supposed to help against the pain and make sleeping easier. I can’t promise that it works but… Do you want to try?”

Damien could only stare at her, trying to comprehend — to believe — her words. “Please,” he eventually said, a strange lump in his throat. Perhaps it would work, perhaps it wouldn’t. The mere thought that she was trying to ease his pain was enough to bring new tears to his eyes.

Everything was blurry. Merridy nodding. How she picked up the cup, to mix some of the contents of whatever she had been holding into the rest of the water. As she put it to his lips, it tasted bitter. It didn’t stop him from drinking it all. When the cup was empty, Merridy put it away and coaxed him to lie down again. Then she pulled the blanket over him and stroked his forehead, to which a few sweaty hairs stuck.

“Sleep. Sleep, I’ll stay here. You can wake me up if you need anything, all right?”

He quickly realized she literally meant here. All she did was grab a blanket for herself, then she settled down in front of the sofa, leaning against it. That couldn’t be comfortable. Damien wanted to tell her how sorry he was for everything. How he wished he wasn’t causing her such trouble. He didn’t manage to, his tongue as heavy as his eyelids. He barely felt the relief of the pain of his wounds slowly fading before the exhaustion made his mind slip away.

Tagging: @teamwhump @villainsvictim @dont-touch-my-soup @whump-in-the-moonlight

#Glass Shards #whump #my writing

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firesofdainix · 2 years

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October 21: Day of the Departed

10 days left. I will prevail! I need to finish most prompts on Sunday because the next few weeks will make me super busy so, once again, I’ll be in an almost offline stage.

@morrotober

AO3 Version

If Morro tells his comrades back in the Departed Realm (that’s a lie; he didn’t have comrades, he only had some blank shades he talks to whenever he gets bored… or lonely) that he ruined a perfectly good revenge plan so he can help his former master, those little spiteful spunks would be clapping him on the back. Those shades he's now associated himself with (which was initially a harmless idea that lacked foresight) were not as vicious as the Cursed Realm ghosts, but they sure lack the brains he's had the entertainment of having conversations with. In addition, the ghosts in the Well of Regrets were afflicted by this annoying condition to have sessions in which they dabble in useless dreams and visions, of different timelines and choices they made. Whenever they come out of that state they're all so… melancholy and depressive. He didn't want to connect with them in that position.

And he didn't want to be like them either, coalescing with his own desires and the happy ending designated for him.

If he was being honest, he really wishes that his access in the Departed Realm wouldn't be so limited; The Wells of Regret and the Fields of the Elements can only keep him entertained and distracted for so long. He knows that everything was punishment for his own sins, but he's thoroughly sure he would never hear the end of it.

Morro, at the end of all things, is so tired of everything.

He feels as if his own energy was taken from him after his loss during the Preeminent, his form permanently burning. The Departed Realm may not be as wicked as the Cursed Realm, but it never does tolerate his delusions and ambition.

Can ghosts die? Because Morro wants to, at the very least, sleep permanently. No trace of an afterlife in the aftermath.

But, a Cursed ghost can dream.

And dream he did.

The Bounty was as mundane as ever for a ride; its speed was average and a little on the slower side, which did not help Morro's impatience and nerves. The wind may be slow and still, yes, but it has to move. It has always been fast and brief to his liking. No matter what, it has to be moving.

But the Bounty feels as if it has barely moved, and that is grating on his nerves.

He groans, staring at the eclipse that had brought him back here. Whatever dark magic Yang created to summon the villains back into Ninjago, he was powerful. And that makes Morro quite wary. He turns to Wu, who was steering the wheel at a slow, quiet pace. If he was the angry, resentful, and rejected young boy, he wouldn't notice the grim expression and the shaky grip which his master possessed. Former master, he supposes.

"For a worried master, you seem to be going at a snail's pace," Morro says for the first time since the two of them have boarded the ship. The two had not spoken since Morro relayed that his motivations were not as sinister as Wu had assumed. (Morro tries not to feel the squelching of sadness as he thinks about that. His own master did not trust him to have good thoughts.) Maybe it was because this reunion was not as cheerful as Wu had expected, maybe the two of them were waiting for the other one to talk.

Wu, in response, pulls a lever. The blasters and thrusters behind Morro begin to boost, prompting Morro to steer clear of it. Technology these days was hard to fathom, and he didn't want to be caught up in this burning. Much to his surprise, the Bounty goes faster, almost stumbling as gravity and the wind returns to him full force. He scowls at his master, whose eyes were on the skies. He feels as if he is being petty.

Morro continues to roll his eyes. "You're ignoring me."

"Wind is invisible," Wu says cryptically, and he bites back a sigh. "It cannot be ignored."

"You do a great deal ignoring me until now."

Wu turns to him for the first time in a while. "I did not mean it like that."

Morro sighs. "I understand. I am your first pupil, but also your wayward student."

Wu did not say anything.

Morro looks away. This entire session was a bust. Maybe he should have left Cole to his fate.

He was not a hero.

He was a Departed soul searching for penance.

Then, after a while, Wu speaks. "You look… different."

It takes a while for Morro to understand what Wu meant. Cursed ghosts have been cursed to appear inhuman as they stay within that wretched Realm. Morro, Soul Archer, Bansha, and Ghoul Tar were one of the youngest cursed ghosts, but their abilities and appearances have already lost all human coherency. Perhaps they'd look human if their hue was not a sick green, but they are deciphering differently. Dark scleras, cat-like irises with their eye color, tattered shapes underneath their eyes, marking their allegiance to the Preeminent, sharp teeth that elongated to fangs, and claws that resemble animal claws. That was just the first stages of their transformation; once they lasted a century or more in that realm, they can notice worse changes to their body… if they stayed in that Realm long enough, they'd turn out as ugly as the Preeminent.

Morro sighs, thinking of Hideaki. Still beautiful. Or maybe that was his subtle affection for him still being important.

In the Departed Realm, he'd still have that green hue; all ghosts are cursed to have it, after all. But he can already see changes in his appearance as if he's already been living in the Departed Realm for decades. His fangs and claws and marks are reduced, but the black scleras remain the same. It was as if the Departed Realm is currently stripping him of the things that made him inhuman… forgetting why he was not one of them in the first place.

It didn't matter.

Nothing matters to him anymore.

That's why he was helping Wu.

Right?

Morro shakes his head. That is the perfect reason why he is helping his former master reunite with his student. He did not want them to be lost as Morro and Wu have.

Never again.

"Why?" Wu asks, the silence so palpable it can be cut.

Morro frowns. "Why… what?"

"Why do you decide to help us?"

Morro laughs, albeit bitterly. "Have you lost the will to look at me without me being evil, master?"

The older man falters, and Morro bites his sadness with a scoff of resentment.

"I should have expected this." Morro's voice was angry, yes, but there is the slightest hint of disappointment and sadness that is left stagnating in the air. He didn't want to believe it; the fact his master decided he wasn't meant to be good is affecting him more than it should. "Perhaps we are too different now, master."

Wu did not respond initially, but then he spoke. And, as if the balance that threatens to rip the world apart again has been restored, his voice was like concord personified. "I have never lost hope for you, Morro. But…" He hesitates, turning to look at Morro for the first time since they went aboard the Bounty. There was a sad sigh. "I have a new family now."

That hits Morro harder than it should have.

It shouldn't have surprised him. He already knew Wu had made his choice when he was their adversary.

He just assumed that he would have handled it better, after all that time in the Departed Realm.

The wind is a wild force that cannot be contained.

And so are his emotions.

Morro shakes his head. He is not going to freak out about that. Not here, not now.

He is supposed to be better than that now.

All the lessons the Departed Realm is teaching him will be for nothing if he loses control over his wind now.

He heard Wu suck in a breath. He doesn't want to look at him. "I am glad."

"Glad you finally got me off your subconscious streak?" Morro inquires bitingly. His wind feels acrimonious as well, biting at his own corporeal form.

Wu shakes his head. "That we can finally be on the same side again."

Morro's expression becomes that of surprise. He should have foreseen this likely outcome— Wu is, admittedly, quite inept when speaking the right words, especially when he is currently emotional. But, when he is highly emotional, he can express these certain feelings in small, lengthy emotional speeches. It was always why Wu was so good with his words, to the point it made Morro, for a little, falter. Wu’s expertise in being able to make heads turn was, unsurprisingly, one of his more notable assets. Morro is wary of it.

The ghost’s eyes grow wide with disbelief.

He feels warmth pooling in his chest, the knots that have been tangled since arriving in the Cursed Realm slowly, but surely, untangling themselves.

He lets out a deep breath; ghosts cannot breathe, but souls can.

And he could feel all of his insecurities and anger fading away. Even if it was just for a little while.

Even when the two of them know that he will have to leave.

“Come live with us,” Wu says once again, and Morro blinks.

“Live… where?” He knows what he’s enunciating, but he would like to have confirmation before he blows it out of proportion. See, Departed Realm? He is maturing. They can stop sending him mixed messages about a new threat brewing in the deepest depths of the Realm now. He is done with being given hopeless missions. He is hapless in them.

Wu bristles, as if it was obvious. “In the Bounty, with my Ninja.”

Morro stares at him, scoffing after a heartbeat. He looks away from Wu, knowing that the senile man can understand the emotions he is currently conveying in his face. He is not going to risk letting Wu see his true emotions, especially when it comes to a sensitive matter like this. Wu knows that most of his ninja have the right to dislike him, correct? Even Lloyd, who, last time Morro checked, is still caught up with nightmares about him possessing his body. At least, that is what the Departed Realm is showcasing him— they love showing him the truth, the consequence of his actions rather than blustering him with praises, polishing him as if he was some eye-catching gold trophy that will rust.

“You overestimate their tolerance, master,” Morro says, seething a little. Yes, he can see that, in particular, the ninjas are kind. But kindness can only be strained enough.

“I can get them to behave.”

“You must prioritize their comfort over me,” he replies with finality. “I will only be helping you with this one simple task. And… I will be gone.”

Wu looks over at him solemnly. “I do not wish for you to be gone.”

Morro frowns. “We can’t always have what we want; that’s what you told me, the day Destiny spat on my face.”

#manji wips #morrotober #morrotober 2022 #morro ninjago #morro wu #sensei wu #wu ninjago #day of the departed #ninjago #lego ninjago

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ramonadecember · 1 year

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Angst list:

“If you can’t do it for yourself, then do it for me. Do it because I need you.” For Sullen

i know i said my goal with these was to keep them short, but then it was your bday and i think my fellow cullen/samson enjoyer deserves some extra anyway. so here we are nearly 4k words later lmfao (which is why the full thing has been posted to ao3, this is just a 'preview').

happy belated birthday, bby!!

READ FULL ON AO3

Cullen never expected to see Raleigh Samson again.

Once Samson had been cast out of the Order, there was a period of time where Cullen held on to this foolish hope that maybe something could be done about it. Cullen was hurt by Samson’s actions, taking his getting kicked far more personally than he had any right to, because to Cullen, it’d seemed like in finding a way to leave the Order, Samson had killed two birds with one stone and found a way to leave him too. But once some of Cullen’s initial upset had simmered, he’d started to think that maybe there was a way to fix what had happened. Samson could atone and be a Templar once more. They could be together once more.

It didn’t work out like that, of course. Not in the slightest. Even if Meredith had been willing to welcome Samson back—and on that, she’d made her opinion clear that Samson was lucky to still have his head, so Cullen knew there was no hope for forgiveness—Samson would also need to want to return. The chance of that happening was just as unlikely. Samson bore no love for the Order any longer.

Cullen found that out the one time he tried talking to Samson after it happened. It’d taken some time for him to work up the nerve to seek Samson out, and when Cullen did finally find him, slumming it down at the docks, Samson already looked like he was in rough shape, the cut-off from the once-steady supply of lyrium he’d been taking for years really taking its toll. It broke Cullen’s heart all over again, as did the way Samson laughed in his face at the suggestion that he apologize for ‘what he’d done.’ Samson had shook his head, giving Cullen this sad look like he was the one to be pitied in that situation. “You really don’t get it, kid, do you?” Samson had asked, but he’d refused to elaborate, telling Cullen to instead go run along back to his master. It made Cullen snap his mouth shut on any further response, his cheeks burning with anger and something he’d later identify as shame.

He really didn’t get it, not at the time. Not until Meredith’s madness really set in, not until the explosion that rocked both the Gallows and Cullen’s once-unshakable faith. Cullen had looked for Samson after that, once the fighting had simmered and the dust had—literally—settled, but Samson was nowhere to be found. As more time passed, it seemed less and less likely that Samson was just lying low in the aftermath, until it got to the point where Cullen had to start accepting that Samson likely got swallowed up by the chaos like so many others—until Cullen had to start accepting that Samson was dead.

It was an… odd knowledge to get used to at first. There was always a part of Cullen, silly as it may have been, that thought Samson and him would work out in the end. Or at the very least, it was always a comfort knowing that Samson was still somewhere out there, that they still coexisted in the same space at the same time as one another. Now that shred of comfort Cullen had clung to was no more.

Cullen did his best to move past it after that, doing what he did best and shoving down any residual heartache and feelings in the name of best performing his duty. A new, worldwide crisis meant there were much bigger issues to focus on than those of the heart, but then of course, as was Cullen’s luck—or lack thereof—his professional world collided directly with the personal life he’d been trying to smother out in the form of one Raleigh Samson heading up the army Corypheus sent to attack Haven. It left Cullen doing something he prided himself on never doing, and that was freezing in the face of a crisis. It may have only been for a moment, but it still happened—not that he was sure how else he was supposed to react when confronted with the ghost of someone he once loved, the ghost of the only person to make him feel safe but was ripping that feeling away entirely.

The Inquisition ultimately captured Samson after a few misses and some hard-fought battles. In the process it came to light just how… familiar Cullen was with him. While he tried to play it cool, tried to maintain that what he knew of Samson came from, at the very most, a place of friendship, but more than anything, a place of ‘sharing very tight quarters for an extended amount of time’ or ‘frequently paired off for training drills together,’ he knew others had their hunches about what he wasn’t telling them. It was there in Cullen’s commitment to bringing Samson in—alive. It was there in the passion with which Cullen spoke of Samson, even if that passion seemed to currently come from a place of animosity. It was there in the way he insisted on taking over for Josephine’s normal role during judgements once it was Samson’s turn to be dragged before the Inquisitor. Why anyone let him, especially after he explicitly stated that he wanted to because of personal interest, was beyond Cullen, but he supposed he was hit with payback for his unprofessional behavior in the form of Samson becoming his charge, his to deal with.

It was hard from the start, not that Cullen expected any different. But the thing was, the difficulties arose from places other than where he thought they would. Cullen expected Samson himself to be difficult, to be purposefully unpleasant and contrary in all things asked or expected of him.

Cullen didn’t expect the difficulties to come from seeing Samson like… that. Ever since their spat in the throne room at Samson’s sentencing, Samson had completely shut down. No fighting, no bickering—as much as Cullen, admittedly, sometimes attempted to provoke him just to get a reaction—no real obstinance whatsoever, except when it came to leaving his cell. And even that Cullen would categorize less as defiance and more as Samson just… giving up. Samson had said it himself at his sentencing that he knew one way or another, he was a dead man, be it the Inquisition turning him over to other authorities or keeping Samson as their own prisoner, or even in some world where he managed a return to Corypheus. In his mind, all options ended with him dead—and with everyone saying ‘good riddance’ at that. So it seemed like Samson wasn’t waiting for the inevitable, he was opting to play dead even while his heart still beat. It was breaking Cullen’s.

Cullen tried to tell himself not to care, that if anything, he was glad Samson was suffering after all of the same that he had created for others, but as good as Cullen was at lying to himself—about all things emotional in particular—he still knew that wasn’t the truth of it. He couldn’t bear to see Samson reduced to this unrecognizable husk, lacking any trace of what had made Cullen fall in—

Lacking any trace of what had endeared Cullen to the otherwise crass and surly man in the first place. It was painful to witness, painful to have the phantom of who had once been his best friend haunting the dungeon, his office, his thoughts.

READ FULL ON AO3

#it gets a lil melodramatic but hey we love drama #cullen rutherford #raleigh samson #sullen #cullen rutherford/raleigh samson #dragon age #dragon age inquisition #prompt fills #my writing

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c4rr10n · 2 years

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tea time or w/e if you want some entertainment lol

so last night my roommate and “friend” (by proxy, i suppose) hijacked a conversation i was having with another roommate. i was going to go out of town tonight to see an old family friend i haven’t seen in years, and they were asking about that, to which i explained that due to unfortunate circumstances I wouldn’t be making it, and that I was really bummed about said circumstances (the 6k min surgery thing F) and not getting to see my friend. anyway, person b, my other roommate, walks in and hijacks the convo. they are going through a breakup (so am i, but to a more intense caliber as we had been living together and essentially married, sharing expenses, she helped mother my cat/child, etc, you get it) and tried to outright state that what he and i are going through are the same. They are NOT. person b is going through a typical break up, I am more or less going through an unofficial divorce with less paperwork and no hearings. My entire life has been destabilized, I lost my housing, my cat lost her mother and is evidently depressed, my financial situation and much of my future plans are in shambles. The only thing still truly completely in my control is my schoolwork right now - and thank god I at least have that and my cat. My now-ex was my end all be all, and she lied to me, withheld crucial information from me, and cheated on me. Because she was afraid of change, afraid of losing me so much she defaulted to illogically and detrimentally protecting herself to the extent of harming me and completely sabotaging our relationship. She and our life together were my everything. Additionally, I only have one friend in this town. My closest friends by distance are three hours away. Person B has many in the immediate vicinity, and also has other partners as they are polyamorous. So, no, our situations are not remotely the same. Their pain is real and I empathize, but their struggle lies in being sad over chinese food because that’s something he and his ex used to do together - my struggles stem from nearly every aspect of my life being evidence that everything I had established for my present and future has been not only uprooted, but all for naught. Not the same. I found it very disrespectful and dismissive among other things, but I am not the type to indulge others in my affairs so their ignorance is on me. So I let it slide. But they kept going on and on about it, forcing the room to be subject to their little petty tragedy. In an attempt to diffuse and redirect the conversation I shared a story of my own. I said, “If it makes you feel better,” and told the most absurd tale i’ve ever experienced in which i was drugged with delaudid while on xanax and overdosed, and the guy responsible attempted to kidnap me - the proof of which was in that i had to get him to return to where he left me (someone stopped him from taking me, thank fuck) because all my shit was in his truck. and a month later, still suffering the mental and physical aftermath of OD bc no one took me to the hospital and even dissuaded me from doing so the following day - my life came unraveled and it was too much, and especially due to the mental effects of the OD, and I was young and dumb, and well... I tried to end it all. my partner at the time responded by dumping me and fucking my neighbor two days later! i mean, by god LOL. I know there’s a lot to unpack here, but at surface level, it’s a hell of a story. It’s so ridiculous it’s funny. Like truly some deranged soap opera shit. I shared this story because it’s RIDICULOUS. It’s outlandish. Few experiences can hold a candle to just how fucking intense and kooky the story is. It’s like a fucking Shakespeare play lol. Also because I know that because person b had been expecting my friend to dump them, they staged a suicide by eating a bottle and a half of tylenol after my friend had gone back home. My friend had come over to support them because they were going to admit themself to the mental hospital - which I respect. It’s good to know when you need help, and do what you need to to get better and get it together. I respect trying. However, earlier in during that night while my friend was still present, they simply... walked out of the house! And the last time they’d done that was about a year prior - to pull a suicide stunt. They lured my friend out to a bridge, acting as if they intended to jump. It’s important to know at this point that there are numerous ways to ensure a successful suicide in this house, especially because almost everyone here is doing HRT - an embolism will easily take care of the light in your eyes with little to no mess, and sleeping pills to ensure you feel no pain. There are also multiple resources for a hanging, to bleed out in the tub if you want to go out with theatrics and REALLY traumatize your loved ones (since, yknow, inflicting trauma and urgency upon their peers seemed to be an important factor in person b’s suicide plan), to list a few. It was a stunt. Additionally, if you have been following me for long enough, you will know that I lost a very dear friend to suicide nearly two years ago and the toll it took was inexplicable - it literally changed my life forever. So, I do not take such actions lightly. But it’s not my place to put them in theirs, so I keep it to myself. Returning to the conversation which person b hijacked, they responded by saying that my friend (who is genuinely one of the most upstanding and genuinely kind and passionate and sentimental people I have ever met in my life, and also really has his shit together - lives independently and works for the city helping disadvantaged individuals in community and generally just being accessible to anyone who might need help of any caliber) had done to them what that particular ex had done. It was such a short statement, it happened so quickly, by the time they’d finished saying the words I wasn’t sure they had actually just said them. Why? Because as formerly mentioned, year ago they pulled a similar stunt - staged a suicide attempt - and my friend, against his better judgement - let this event slide, and has regretted it since. While I told him that he had been sitting on his uncertainty for too long, he continued to extend himself time and time again for person b, no matter the toll it took on him. They have continuously exhibited harmful behaviors - mostly to others, but some to themself (most of which include complacency), and in the past few months I have been the one that my friend confided in about how this person had been hurting them. And ofc, I understand and appreciate that my roommate (person b) and i have almost all of the same mental health diagnoses - but frankly I have about 4 years on them and exponentially more life skills. Not boasting here, just stating a fact. They are very irresponsible and immature. This is why my friend broke up with them. As one does - their places in life were just too different and incompatible to the point of dealing harm to my friend. Such situations are often simply a part of life - very normal, very common. Anyway, so my roommate tried to spin the whole situation differently than it happened, omitted multiple poor and extreme choices of their own, and intentionally implied that my friend (and also the friend of the entire household, and the one who introduced them to the household) had left them because of the suicide. Which... when stated so plainly, is not entirely untrue, but is not entirely true - it is a misleading technical truth. They intentionally obscured the truth to sell a version of the story that painted my friend as “the bad guy,” and themself as having moral high ground. It was never just the suicide attempt, it was never the reason why they felt suicide was an option - to which I can empathize and sympathize. But rather It was all the reasons why not to do such a thing where evident everywhere, and their neglect to all these reasons - including how deeply horrific and painful it was for those of us who care about them. It is also greatly because they never intended to succeed, they intended it as a cry for attention. To say this is inappropriate is a criminal understatement, lol. So when they made this statement, so easily, so quickly - I just... kind of stared at them. They clearly must think I know nothing. Either that or that I’m a fool. Either that or they are such a fool it hasn’t occurred to them that I would reasonably know the details of their relationship, being that I am their now-ex’s best friend and confidant. So I just said that “unfortunately,” I had business law assignments due at the end of the night I had to attend to. I finished loading up the dishwasher and returned to my room. I let the interaction marinate in my mind. Now, it’s crucial to know that person B knows next to nothing about me. Honestly, none of these people really know anything about me besides the fact that I am, in general, on the other end of a major break up and that I’m a mortuary sciences student. This is intentional, as I have extreme trust issues, and live by the saying “not my monkeys, not my circus,” and I apply this statement to and fro; you can’t have mine and I don’t want yours unless you are a part of my circus. And exceedingly few are truly a part of my circus. So person B doesn’t know anything I’ve been through, they don’t know how much I know - which is everything - and they don’t know just how far I’ve come. They don’t know that one of my favorite people was found nearly two weeks post mortem on the other end of a rope, that I was initially lied to about the event for social capital, or that the lie was preferable to the reality, or that the entire event sent me into legitimate psychosis and when I came out of it I was almost a completely different person. They don’t know that entirely isolated myself as a response or that I ended up in this town because I was running from that. They don’t know that I didn’t leave my house or speak to anyone - at all - for at least 6 months following discovering said lie. They don’t know that their ex is my best and only true friend and confidant here. They don’t know how nigh inextricably entwined my ex and I were and how devastating this entire process has been for me. I already had deeply affecting trust issues, and this has only impacted them, if not completely officiated a decision to entirely withdraw from other humans. I do not leave my room except to cook, clean the house or myself. They don’t know that I know the vast majority of the contents that make up the person who is their now-ex, and thus the vast a majority of their relationship. They don’t know that my mother used to beat me or that my father was never there to witness it until one day it boiled over and she had me pinned against a wall because she had figured out I was queer while she was in an ill-medicated induced state of psychosis. They don’t know that I struggle with violent intrusive thoughts to such an extent that I have to take medications for it. They don’t know I have a collection of medical equipment, medical textbooks, and a bowie knife in my room and that if they or anyone else were to overstep too much or I snap, I can make them disappear, and that have access to places that will ensure their disappearance is permanent - though such a thing is outlandish and unreasonable, the facts still stand all the same. They don’t know why I wish to engage with the dead, that I find the biological process fascinating and beautiful and the medical processes involved soothing and cathartic. They don’t know that I used to be just like them but worse. They don’t know that after being on both sides of the fence, I am forever painfully aware that surviving a loved one’s suicide is infinitely more painful than surviving your own. They don’t know that I know that if they knew that, they wouldn’t have pulled the suicide stunt, and if they are aware of this, that makes it exponentially worse. They don’t know that I’ve seen far too much I can never unsee, and that I now have no choice but to live with that. They don’t know that I’m ok with that, now, and I’m using the worst I’ve been through to create my best self and life. They can only see the visible aftermath all this left to forever mar my skin. So yes, it’s an intentional choice to withhold my information from everyone. And in doing so, person B never realizes that I catch them red handed at every opportunity, and how much respect I’ve lost for them in a matter of weeks. That every time they try to manipulate my opinions, they not only fail but are rendering themself vulnerable and more visible to me. They don’t realize how much of them I can see with so little telling - they don’t realize that I know they can’t bare their pain being unknown, and that they know they are pathetic only just enough to lie about their personal situations and events to obscure their nature. They truly have no idea of anything occurring between us. It’s almost funny.

The more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve realized that they truly have no idea that I was literally the worst person in existence to make such statements to lol. After sleeping on it, I’ve decided that while in turn I have closed myself off from them, and as much as I’d like to tell them off and force them to learn better that I cannot, but most of all it infuriates me to hear them talk about my friend - everyone’s friend - like that. I can’t change them, where they are in life, or their poor coping skills, but I can put enough fear into them to hopefully dissuade them from ever trying to spout such slanderous bullshit again. I will address it with them, I don’t entirely expect them to truly cognate what I tell them but I need to make it clear that if they ever fucking make such a statement in front of me, and lest there be others, I WILL embarrass them in front of everyone in the room. Fucking idiot

#the actions of some people really do spawn a plethora of shakesspearian bullshit lol #but god last night i was ready fucking take them out of this world lolllllll #like they have no idea they even said or did anything wrong #like woof bitch #also yes i know i'm extremely normal lol #whats new lol

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