#but not always by choice!

[autumnhobbit]

get steamed whenever i see someone complimenting my parents’ parenting just cause of how we turned out

#like yes my brothers do a lot of volunteer work #but not always by choice! #they don't get to say no if dad promises someone at church they'll do a thing #and yeah sometimes maybe it doesnt bother them #but it would be better if they could choose to do things themselves instead of being forced into it #and i love my parents but they are Not Good parents #like not at all #you think their practices must be good to have such good results but no #we raised ourselves thank u very much #ESPECIALLY emotionally. #like my dad did not teach ANYBODY stewardship. or patience. or temperance. or charity. or compassion #like he'd have to HAVE any himself to instill it in anyone #deadass we learned how to act by observing him and doing the exact opposite.

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[shadowbends]

Looking through your Ao3 bookmarks and seeing that little “This has been deleted, sorry!” is like finding a gravestone, but the writing’s too worn down to read what it was standing for anymore.

What were you, Bookmark #336... What stories did you tell? Which words were it that once left a mark on my soul?  *touches my laptop screen like it’s text from an ancient ruin*

Cowabummer. 

#/wails dramatically #I joke to cope #BUT MAN #I hate when this happens #:c #I respect an author's choice to delete #but it's always a bummer coming across evidence of a deleted fic #and not knowing what it was #I gotta start making use of the notes section on ao3 more #fanfiction #pi says things

[uncanny-tranny]

"What if I'm not trans, what if I'm choosing to be trans for [list of reasons]"

I am grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking you like a can of soda. If, for whatever reason, you looked within yourself and decided to be trans - you're still trans. We (as trans people) don't need to have an "I always knew" story. We don't need to have the ~magical transsexual gene~. It's incredibly hard for so many of us to figure out why we're trans, and if being trans was always a choice, the reasons for choosing to be trans would be complex. If being trans is always a choice, that doesn't negate that we deserve human dignity and respect for who we are.

It shouldn't matter if you chose your trans identity or not, becayse you still are a person. You breath the same air I do, and you deserve to live how you want, on your terms. You watch the same sunrises and sunsets I do, you are here. I, for one, welcome you no matter what your inner reflections are about your transness. You have a place in this world, you have inherent worth.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #i have many 'i always knew' stories but like... #...if you met one trans person you met ONE trans person #cisness isn't the default and we don't need to justify why we're trans #if a cis person doesn't need to have all the answers as to why they're cis the same principle applies to trans people #if transness is a choice for some people then i for one welcome them in my spaces #i WANT to break bread with transsexuals-by-choice. i WANT to fight for all of our rights. i WANT them in my community

[ew-selfish-art]

DpxDc AU - If his parents are going to treat him like a punk, he might as well lean into it. 

Danny is getting seriously worn down by his parents constantly asking him to explain why he’s gone all the time and why his grades have slipped so far. I mean, sure, it took them months to notice, but now that they have, they’re alluding to the fact that he’s turned into some kind of punk and that he’s not taking life as seriously as he should be. This is what makes Danny kind of snap. 

He cuts his hair, gets Sam to pierce his ears in a few places (which sucked but was nice to catch up with her since Team Phantom didn’t get out much anymore), learns how to skateboard and gets Tuck to help him mask his identity on the internet as he begins online protesting the unethical treatment of ghosts. He makes picket signs that he leaves outside of Fentonworks and it takes days before his parents see them because they’re down in the lab. They go back up immediately after his parents take them down, and he begins tagging buildings with protest sayings and art all over amity park.

No matter how they ground him, the Drs Fenton are at a loss as to what to do to control Danny. Jazz says it’s not her place to interfere and is cheering her little brother on for being passionate about a new hobby. 

Danny’s honestly really vibing with the changes. He always understood why Sam wanted control over her own look, but he’s really leaning into the whole shebang. Ember and Johnny13 have never bonded over anything more than they have the punk transformation of their King. He’s really representing them fr fr- she taught him how to play the bass. 

With enough protests about the Anti-Ecto acts, the JL step in and begin their efforts to lobby change within the US government. Constantine is up to date on the new King being from Earth and thinks they might be able to weasel out a non-apocalyptic scenario if they reach out sooner than later. A letter gets sent through the infinite realms (No way in fuck was John going to try and summon a fucking King excuse you Bats)- Danny gets the letter and decides to let them sweat a bit, sending back his own letter that just says “K.” cause he’s learned that adults/authority figures all suck ass until proven otherwise. After a few days, a portal opens up in the middle of their meeting. 

Ghost King Phantom is rolling in on a skateboard, with the Ring of rage dangling from one of his ear piercings and ice crown floating above his head. He’s drinking an off brand smoothie, wearing a leather jacket that has medieval chainmail on it over his now distressed hazmat suit and his boots steel toed.

“...Sup. Y’all want to do something about this whole situation? I’m an all or nothing kind of guy.” Danny greets them. He means that he’s willing to be diligent in his efforts to disbar the Acts. It gets interpreted as him threatening to end the world, ofc, but that’s an issue he has to deal with later. 

“King Phantom we have been working daily to-” 

“Uh huh. Look, didn’t you guys have like a teenage group? I want to work with them, they’ll probably actually help me get shit done while you fuck around with paper work.” 

#the most punk thing you can do is protest #dcxdp #dpxdc #dp x dc #dc x dp #dc crossover #dp crossover #danny phantom #dc universe #young justice crossover #danny doesnt want to work with the authorities but is willing to work with YJ #Tim drake gets a new skateboarding buddy #danny's skateboard is kind of cheating tho cause he and it can float #kon is always down to take down a government sponsored org that does unethical research #cassie just wants to fight for him and fix his fashion choices #bart recognizes him from the speedforce and they bond over time being a fake ass bitch #i just wanted the funny visual of danny skateboarding into a meeting on the watchtower

[sophsun1]

FARSCAPE

3.18 Fractures

#farscape #farscapeedit #cinematv #filmtvcentral #userthing #smallscreensource #userelysia #chewieblog #syfysource #userstream #tvedit #you can always rely on your bestie to give you the truth on your outfit choices #kwistowee #2k

[jvlianbashir]

"the creator said in a reddit thread -" "the official twitter account posted that -" "the actors confirmed in a livestream that -"

i don't care and that's not real to me. put it in the text.

#for fun stuff like 'this character's favorite food is meatballs' im like cool but for worldbuilding and stuff? nah #i do understand some nuance with writers or w/e who were held back by corporate teams on confirming a character is gay or something #and wanting to talk about their hopes and intentions #but this is rly about the opposite with creative teams wanting the points for diversity or plot choices #or world building without putting it in the actual story #esp if its bc they just didn't want to piss off bigots or can't write well #sw giving backstory on the sith fleet situation in a TWEET will always be infamous to me #not st #doctor's log

[yuurionviktor]

Gonna finish Gideon one soon, but for now you can have this Harrow

#the locked tomb #harrowhark nonagesimus #harrow the ninth #harrow the 9th #gideon the ninth #things ive made #idk man the 1page1day not going great and it’s only been 1 week #one week where I only worked 3 days mind you #(local holidays) #maybe I really wasn’t made for creating art jdhsjdjcbcj I see so many cool people online #where they’ve been better than me 10 years ago so where does that math leave me hm #for a person who’s really into bones herself (preceding my love for harrow ironically) I REALLY don’t know them #I mean you can always say that’s A Stylistic Choice but I’m also so lazy #like… just trace them girl

[linktoo-doodles]

I'm sorry scar

#grian #goodtimeswithscar #gtws #desertduo #limited life #life series #my art #Linktoo art #YAYYYY my first little full drawing with my new huion kamvas 13 display tablet <3 #anyway desertduo really came for my throat huh #''I'm sorry scar'' & he genuinely means it both times #but 3rd life he doesn't want to lose him & limited life he's ready to survive by all means necessary. He always feels like he has no choice

[shorelinnes]

favorite lee know looks (2/?) ↳ superbowl (japanese version)

#createskz #bystay #staydaily #usersemily #melontrack #meltracks #usersa #thestephtag #analook #linosource #stray kids #skz #lee know #*intro:gifs #*linofavs #I feel like this is a weird choice for fav looks 🧍‍♀️ lol #listen there was just SOMETHING about him in this mv #also now I remember why I never made a set when this mv dropped jskfhdsjfh #why are their mvs so hard to gif...... #anyways football captain lino you will always be famous 🫶 #also can we just talk about how good he looked tormenting that mouse? #he was in his element what can I say

[nolongerapileofashprobably]

Sometimes I just think of how Link disobeyed his ‘duty’ as Zelda’s knight twice and then he turned his back on his prophesied duty as the Hero.

He first stopped “watch duty” at the Spring of Power, after listening to Zelda berate herself and question what is wrong with her.

And then as the Calamity struck, he assessed the situation at the castle and decided to flee with Zelda instead of facing Ganon. It is likely that Castle Town was overridden at that point, so Link had the choice of bringing Zelda through that and getting to the castle, or turning right back around and fleeing into the woods.

As we know, they fled right into the woods, where Link ‘fails’ as Zelda’s knight. She trips and falls. Rather than getting her back up, Link slows, puts away his sword, listens to her, and then comforts her.

Before the Calamity, Link was a dedicated knight of Hyrule, but ultimately… he was devoted to Zelda. And from the Japanese logs, we know his main motivation after remembering their time together is to help bear the burden and see her smile once again.

Link is a Hero through and through, that much is true— but he will always prioritize Zelda.

In Totk, Link TOSSES the Master Sword away in the beginning. Why? To reach for Zelda.

“Oh, but it was destroyed of course he wouldn’t care.” A sword that MAGICALLY heals itself and is the only thing to seal the darkness away… cmon now

And then… Finding Princess Zelda. The quest that Totk is centered around. Because ultimately, defeating Ganondorf and saving Hyrule is just another thing on a to-do list. But finding Zelda and bringing her HOME… that’s his true motivation.

#links choice is always Zelda and I just think they’re neat #they’re in love ur honor #zelink #botw zelink #loz botw #botw #the legend of zelda #botw link #link botw #zelda botw #loz tears of the kingdom spoilers #the legend of zelda breath of the wild #loz totk #totk link #totk zelink #totk zelda

[andromedism]

the gang’s spotify wrapped

#i’ve been at work all day itching to make this #iasip #iasip shitpost #it’s always sunny #it’s always sunny in philadelphia #mac macdonald #charlie kelly #dennis reynolds #dee reynolds #frank reynolds #the song choices are a combo of: #the gang’s canon faves #things that made me laugh while i was making this #ok love u bye #spotify wrapped #spotify

[elvyn]

Anyway, I finished Baldur's Gate 3

#Astarion #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #my art #and I'll probably play it again #a fantasy game with choices is always a fun fantasy game #And it has elves #that's the most important thing haha #I really enjoyed the story of Astarion and Shadowheart. My two fav characters from this game #And the game has a lot of great npcs too

[stagefoureddiediaz]

The fact that the Eddie we saw this episode was seen almost entirely from bucks perspective and he had this heightened full of life joy about him - that that is how Buck sees Eddie. As this light in his life - full of joy energy and life - even when viewed through his jealous not fully understanding eyes.

#it’s why we couldnt see Eddie in bucks coma world- it would’ve revealed too much #I’m truly obessed with it #Eddie was always brightly lit with the light directed at him #Eddie is impeccably dressed an quoifed throughly the episode -even when sweaty #it’s what makes giving him season 2 Eddie hair such a loud and interesting choice as well - buck has never actually moved on from #when he first laid eyes on him #911 spoilers #eddie diaz #evan buckley

[tagerrkix]

#great choice beelzebub! #aw man I always liked this meme #glad I finally got to draw my own version uwu #would you believe me if I told you it was gleafer's recent comic that inspired me to do this 👉👈 #well it was #if you know you know #if you don't then ignore this 👁️👁️ #azirah the terrah *wheeze* #yea I don't really have anything more to say #I just had this irresistable urge to write azirah the terrah at least once in my life #now it's twice #bahahaha #*yeets myself out the window and flies to alpha centauri* #ineffable bureaucracy #good omens beelzebub #good omens gabriel #good omens #good omens fanart #good omens memes

[vapolis]

You smile. It's a brittle one. Cracked around the edges. Plaster peeling and your skin with it. You don't touch it this time around, like you did in the club. Afraid to find it slick again. To find blood coating it and your teeth. The top of your hand.  When you glance down there's nothing. 

chapter three.

expect looots of dante/delilah & royal

more drama and fights

some revelations that could shock you happen

meet the vipers! and immediatly antagonize them!

the warnings at the beginning of the game have been updated so please pay attention to them! sensitive subject matter is alluded to later on in this chapter

general info.

as of this week, echo is a RO and romance options have been added to the previous chapters they have appeared in

that means that you'll most likely be reset to the beginning because I made some bigger changes to the code and added a couple new scenes in chapter 001. & 002.

progress.

74k -> 126k (+ 52k)

play demo. intro post.

#remember you will die #rywd #**mine #choice of games #**update #man this was a headache to code lmaoooo #lmk abt issues pls!! i'm sure there are some i missed #a lot of flavour text towards the end so don't be surprised abt lack of choice pls #i always want to add scenes that flow due to previous choices