#but no it's not literally a bad thing

[meowydoe]

FORTY THOUSAND NOTES OLIVE OSTROVSKY????

[keets-writing-corner]

Thinking a LOT about Lucifer in the latest Hazbin episode. Idk what I was expecting but not this??

As I was watching my immediate thought was just "huh... Lucifer is kinda of weird..." but as the episode went on I realized the issue

the dude is off the chain depressed, like he says it as a joke but holy cow it is SO BAD

He's manically just creating rubber ducks cuz his daughter really like it that one time but it's empty, it's never good enough but he keeps doing it, maybe cuz he doesn't know how to pass the time otherwise.

like I get the feeling he HAS better things he SHOULD be doing than making rubber duck after rubber duck. At first I was like, "Bruh why isn't the king of hell doing anything?" aaaaand then it became clear...

The dude is disassociating so bad he can barely hold a conversation let alone remember information. He clearly WANTS to, he wants to be involved with his daughter so bad, he wants to care about the things she's doing so bad, but his depression keeps interfering. It's like he can only hear every other word and he grasps onto the ones he does hear semi-out of context. Like you can see every time he catches something that he hadn't before and he just "well shit I didn't catch that part"

and that's why he reacts so weird when people talk to him. He is struggling so bad to engage with the conversation he's only getting 50% of it

does that look like the face of a man who knows what the hell the conversation is even about??? he is STRUGGLING

like Charlie spent so long telling him about the hotel, and he STILL didn't understand what she wanted. Yeah it comes off as ditzy but literally I've been in that position where your brain just "nope, not doing this right now" and nerfs your conversation comprehension. So as someone who's BEEN in that position, to me it feels exactly like what he's dealing with. He's sorta engaged with the conversation, but only as much as his brain will allow

For example, when I'm dealing with this, this is what someone talking to me feels like this where the crossed out parts are what I missed and bold is what I catch, "Hey! You know I was thinking for dinner we could either make some chicken with rice? But if you don't feel like cooking, pasta is super easy and you love that right? What do you want to do?" you can kinda get that someone is trying to talk to you about dinner, and towards the end you get the impression that they asked something that needs your input so you can decently put 2 and 2 together and try and pass off, but crucial bits were left out, I would have no idea that either chicken or pasta is in the conversation only having heard "rice". When someone is just talking at me, I can decently pass off as being engaged but the second I'm required to participate in the conversation I'm screwed. Seem familiar? At which point I have 2 options, try to give a bullshit answer, or admit that I missed what they were saying and ask them to repeat

Lucifer, unfortunately, is trying so damn hard to hide that he's dealing with like 24/7 dissociation, so he can't admit that he's missing entire chunks of the conversation, hence his really weird replies. He does eventually get the full picture and then he and Charlie start having the real conversation

Also, the Alastor/Lucifer rivalry was hilarious but also really indicative of more of what Lucifer is dealing with

Alastor is, unfortunately, really good at picking up people's insecurities, and thanks to Charlie's description earlier and watching Lucifer clearly trying to overcompensate, he immediately picks up on the fact that Lucifer KNOWS he struggles to be a good dad (we know cuz it's cuz of the depression, hard to be engaged when your brain keeps turning off) and decides to rub salt in the wound by pretending he's been acting as a surrogate father to Charlie. Now why Alastor decided to pick a fight with the king of hell is beyond me, I do not understand Alastor (and I LIKE IT) (maybe it's cuz Alastor thinks he's hot shit and was expecting Lucifer to at least have heard of him but Lucifer just treats him like a nobody? who knows)(why would Lucifer listen to radio anyways when he can't even pay attention to a conversation it'd just be white noise)

But yeah I just was expecting someone who oozed either charisma or presence and instead I got a depressed dad who's dissociating so bad he can barely function and be present in his life. The only thing it seems he CAN do is make rubber ducks cuz his daughter really liked it that one time

Idk Lucifer is tragic to me. Whatever the full details of what heavan did to him absolutely broke him and he can't deal with it. He's aware of it, and he doesn't know how to fix it, so he tries to over compensate and sorta makes an ass out of himself but no one says or does anything cuz this guy is supposed to be THE king of hell

Suddenly it's making a lot more sense why he just rolls over and lets heaven do what it wants and even told Charlie to go in his place the start of the show. He's not in any headspace to hold a basic conversation let alone negotiate! He didn't even know who Alastor was, he's been so out of touch

idk I like him, he seems sweet, I hope Charlie brings some light back into his life. He really needs to get out of that rubber duck room

#hazbin spoilers #hazbin hotel #lucifer #lucifer morningstar #analysis #dissociation #look idk what to tell you all #I watched the episode and everything makes so much more sense #when you realize he's only intaking like 50-60% of the conversations #he's not bad at listening his brain is literally preventing him from getting everything #literally I've been there #the difference between him and me tho #is that he can't show it #he's the king of hell #he has to bluff his way through conversations #but yeah literally rewatch the episode with this in mind #and watch him reply to the things he DID catch #anyways #NEW BLORBO???? #who'd've thought I would go into Hazbin Hotel #and come out with freaking LUCIFER as my favorite character #I love him #he's so sad

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[v0idwraith]

David Szymanski: in my game i have invented the Iron Lung as a cautionary tale

Billionaires: at long last, we have created the Iron Lung from classic horror game Don’t Create The Iron Lung

#titanic #oceangate #james cameron #ffs this fucking thing literally has WORSE navigational abilities than the iron lung #relying on elon musk’s network for wifi not even having a beacon #again i feel bad for any researchers on there but #what kind of fucking dumbass pays $250k to be sealed in a metal death tube #like they can’t even open it from the inside it has to be opened by crew on the outside #iron lung

[duinoelegies]

something so crazy-making about unhealthy mentor-protegé relationships. we're foils, we're mirrors, we're the same person, we're a parent and a child, we're lovers, we're enemies, we'd be better off without each other, we'd kill and die for each other

#its literally all walter and jesse: you're the only one i can teach and i'm the only one you can learn from #don and peggy: we're building the desert of the real and you're the only real thing there #house and chase: please free us from our bad show so we're more than just the potential for being interesting

[barissoffee]

same energy

#mine #tbb spoilers #the bad batch #tbb #literally the first thing I thought of lmao

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

weird hearing "were you a Theatre Kid" "were you a Sports Kid" "were you a Choir Kid" "were you a Dance Kid" bc no? i mean i did all of that and more but resented ever minute of it? actively avoided sticking with anything? i was a "In This Family After School Activities Are Mandatory Kid"

#oh and i was really really bad at all of it btw #which was a good thing actually otherwise i would have gotten bored even *more* quickly #christ if i was good at a Activity i probably would have had to stick with it #that would have been EXHAUSTING #i survived soooo many Activities by standing in the background doing the bare minimum so I could focus on the Hyperrealistic Daydreams #baseball was my favorite. if u wear a glove u can literally just stand in the back of a field & stare at grass & no one bothers you #i mean usually no one bothers you but there is one specific situation where everyone starts yelling your name real loud and pointing

[inkskinned]

you get used to it, but it's tiring, because they need you to understand your own life as a series of goalposts. what college are you going to, what's your major going to be, whatcha gonna do with that, oh where will you settle down, when can i expect grandkids.

for the longest time my goals have been so blurry that they track into each other, their undefined edges slipping quietly back into the soft night. today i want to be a writer; tomorrow i will want to be a doctor, later i will wish i took that law school free ride. how the fuck do people just know what they want to do with their life?

where do you want to be in five years? i want to be alive; which is a huge step for me. ten years ago i would have said i want to be asleep and meant i hope that i'm dead by then.

but i want a yellow kitchen and a stand mixer. i want a garden and a fruit tree (cherry, if i can make that happen) and a big yard for my dogs to play in. i want to come home and read poetry out loud to someone and have them close their eyes to listen. i want a summer watergun fight. i want to make snowmen. i want to be the house to go to for halloween. i want my life to settle around me in a softness, for it to lay down gently. if i am very, very, very lucky, i want to travel; finally go someplace overseas.

of course i don't know what i want to be doing professionally. what i actually want to be doing is curling up beside my dog, settling in to read. i want to be making myself a cup of good coffee.

i can't answer the other questions. whenever people asked me what do you want to be when you grow up, i used to say i hope i'm happy.

i hope i'm still kind, five years from now. i hope i never get jaded and mean. i hope i have stayed in therapy. what do you picture yourself doing? when will you actually be an adult about this? why are you so afraid of being ambitious?

am i not ambitious? the other day i rearranged my furniture which doesn't quite fit into my apartment. i watered my plants. i'm going to try to propagate a cherry seed. my five year goal is to spend more time laughing. to lie down in a patch of sunwarm moss. to relax for a minute. to close my eyes and think oh thank god. this is why i stayed. this is finally it.

#writeblr #warm up #something something something took a lot of words to say #um my goals are really specific quiet things #and they're still valuable #bc i used to literally only have the goal of <3 bad things <3 #i was like ''who needs to picture the future? imma head out before then" #good news!!!!!!!!!!! ur in the future!!!! and u stayed!!! and thank god u did bc u actually fucking made it kid!!

[egophiliac]

just thinking about hair and faces

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #i don't THINK this counts as face horror but just in case #face horror #for your daily dose of me losing my mind over anime characters #i don't know why the hair thing surprised me so much. i think because i thought it was funny that lilia named silver after his hair color. #like ha ha lilia is hilariously bad at names how cute and silly! #oh. oh it's kind of a Thing. #anyway i am excited to see where the heck all of this stuff with silver's various dads ends up! #we still don't actually know who killed meleanor! #we still don't know literally anything about dad draconia! (dadconia? dradconia?) #we don't know what happened to the macguffin gem with its magical dad-saving powers! #(surely this will not come back to save a certain dad at a later point. of course not.) #man i was not expecting episode 7 to be all dads all the time #i mean i'm here for it but #hey remember when the highest stakes were who was gonna win the big talent show #then robots started kidnapping people and now we've just escalated from there #episode 8 our cat is going to turn into a drippy ink kaiju and we're going to have to mecha battle him to save the world or something #each member of diasomnia pilots a limb and we gattai into a giant robot dragon and hold on i gotta submit this spec script to aniplex brb

[transgendz]

My roommate and I are financially unstable while he does through a long, complicated diagnosis process that started as we stopped being homeless. I just got a job, and it's going to pay well and allow us to get caught up and stable, but I don't get my check for a week and a half. We have rent due on the 1st, our storage bill due at the end of the month, and we are out of food.

Dm me for proof or details

I will do art for anyone who gives, just message me @theartistrans I also take commissions there.

Dm me for zelle

$creepiecrippl

V

PP

$0/$900

#for anyone curious we are growing our own food to reduce food costs and thats going well but takes literal months and we were only able to #start as it got warmer so things are a little slow on that but we also have enough planted to feed us already so theres that #and i am actually still applying to more jobs in hopes of getting a 2nd because its expensive to have medical issues turns out #we are just now recovering from bad malnutrition issues thats kept us both on and off sick for months and my roommate is still severely #underweight but hes gained a little🎉

[hopefulsapphic]

i'm an early seasons steve harrington apologist. sorry. he was not a bad person he was not a bad boyfriend he was literally just 17

#he wasn't even that bad. and he apologized when he was #also he literally thought his gf was cheating on him. with a guy who took sneaky pics of her like. valid actually sorry #and season 2??? why does he call himself a shitty boyfriend he was actually so sweet??? #a little emotionally stunted maybe sure but he was a teenage boy trying his best #every time i rewatch i'm like what was everyone on about he's literally fine. i think ppl blow his king steve phase way out of proportion #steve harrington #stranger things #thoughts from my brain #1k

[beets]

baby, bi bi bi

#911 #911edit #evan buckley #buddie #this has been in my drafts for months bc i'm the slowest gif maker in the world and bad at finishing things (wanted to get it done before #s7 oops) but it's even more apt now ig even though i've seen like 6 other versions of it out there already. oh well here's mine #(and bonus i got to include those last two gifs so it worked out) #sorry again that the lone star one is such shit quality i literally can't find a hq version of that episode idk what to tell you #there are things missing from this but i just wanna post it before next episode and i need to go to bed i have to work tomorrow bye (bi bi) #beets.gif

[petrajuliet]

this top might be a little too big for me lmao it keeps slipping off my shoulders

#🕊️ #i want taco bell crispanada so fuckijf bad i’m literally addicted #it’s been the only thing on my mind since i woke up im so serious

[itsnotpickle]

prank gone wrong (horrifying) (police called) anyway, no plot only them being silly goofy pretend Vash just wanted to be annoying for two seconds and distract ww from his melancholy smoking time 

alternatively:

#Trigun #trigun maximum #Vash the Stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #vashwood #I actually colored the whole thing first but it looked bad so I offer this instead #literally my first time downloading any custom brushes and it was just to do screentones lmao #hopefully it looks alright #my art

[gaysforbyler]

I still don’t understand how the fandom decided that MIKE was the more emotionally closed off one out of the two of them.

Mike, who spills his guts every time Will so much as looks at him in S4, who calmly explained to El how she hurt him after Will’s body was found in S1, who is famous for giving heartfelt monologues, and is literally seen as the HEART of the Party.

And Will, who lied to his mom about the mind flayer in S2, AND to Mike about the painting, just so he wouldn’t be a bother. Who pretended to like baseball just because it would make Lonnie happy. Who hasn’t told a single soul about being in love for YEARS, and would happily take that secret to his grave.

Yeah, Mike cries less. That doesn’t mean that he isn’t extremely emotionally intelligent, or that Will isn’t constantly suffering in silence. Mike works through his emotions logically, Will bottles them up until he breaks down. The only times Mike actually hides his emotions is when he’s scared. The only times Will DOESNT hide his emotions is when he’s with Mike or Jonathan.

#Mike’s parents literally get mad because he’s too expressive of his emotions #‘im the only one who cares about Will’ is seen as ‘talking back’ #but he’s very reasonably explaining how he feels #‘haha mike is so dumb. he’s so bad at emotions’ literally stfu #getting a bit heated. my bad #But i could talk about Mike’s mental process for hours #mike wheeler #will byers #byler #stranger things

[each-uisge-enthusiast]

the modern villainisation of demeter will never cease to enrage me bc it wasn’t ENOUGH to just take a story of a girl being torn from her home from everyone who loved her and dragged away to be forced into marriage and twist and corrupt it until it was a romance story about female empowerment that wasn’t ENOUGH they HAD to take the original hero of the story the mother who went to every length to find her daughter again to bring her home and demonise her character until she was this horrific overbearing unloving mother. overprotective controlling without love. they turn the story of her grief at her YOUNG daughter being torn from her without her knowledge into the story of a misunderstood bad boy and a horrible cruel mother who won’t give him a chance and i really find it sickening. it’s ironic, that the ever misogynist age of hellenistic greece, has a better grasp of how disgusting and horrifying this situation was that a modern, self proclaimed ‘feminist’ era.

#ovids version made me cry #imagine you’re just a nymph watching your friend torn away from you by the literal king of the dead #and despite knowing how powerless you are against him you still choose to stand up to him #to stand up for your friend #imagine being so torn apart by the grief of losing her you weep yourself to death #imagine turning that story into a good girl/bad boy romance #weird #anyway #the story of persephone is personal to me #bc i wish my mother loved me like that #demeter was a good mother #you all suck for portraying her as anything less #idc if you disagree #‘oh myth is open to interpretation and reinterpretation’ #okay. well i don’t care. #there’s such thing as bad interpretations #making demeter the villain is a bad one #making hades a misunderstood protagonist is also a bad one