#but my teacher is convinced theyre the future or something | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bpbpskpskp · 1 year

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the credibility of hogwarts house sortings comes down to 1. if the sorting hat has prophetic powers and 2. nature vs nurture

at 11, theyre just about hitting puberty and shit gets fucked with hornones and stuff. they could act in ooc ways, different to how they would normally. theyre also children, so they have no time to actually develop a personality. i havent been in the hp fandom for a bit, so my memories are a bit muddled, but i dont think childhood memories are very accurate in choosing where they should go.

some may be definite, like someone being exceedingly manipulative and sly as a kid becoming slytherin, or someone unafraid to speak up and defend others consistently bei by gryffindor. what about the general ones?

average smarts, not very ambitious, wont speak up for someone bring bullied or something. they dont fit in anywhere. where do they go?

it would be entirely based on their thoughts that very moment. that wouldnt be reliable in any way.

its true that theyd probably change to fit the stereotypes of their assigned house, but theres no way to know of its good or bad change unless the hat has prophetic powers and could see the persons future.

if the multiverse theory is true, that means the hat would have to review infinite different futures for that one person. they would practically never end, as the universes are affected by other people too. its impossible for the hat to choose based on that. thats too much.

and did i just forget that harry convinced the hat to put him in gryffindor? to be fair, trying to do that in itself is a gryffindor move, trying to reason with a weird mind reading hat. that would feel like an invasion of privacy, and very uncomfortable. harry was very ballsy.

the initial sorting process is reliable, but not very accurate in some cases, if it can be convinced so easily.

then, we don’t even know if they stay accurate. we’ve established that the hat probably can’t see the future and that eleven year old children arent fully developed.

the first thing that comes to mind are burnt out gifted kids in ravenclaw.

ravenclaws are there because they’re smart. that is the simple truth. but what if they experience burnout? their grades drop, they stop turning in homework, they skip. suddenly, the supposed ‘ravenclaw’ doesn’t exhibit any stereotypical ravenclaw traits. why are they still there? they could get resorted, but that’s never been mentioned in the books.

wouldnt it be embarrassing to go up to the hat like all the little firsties? watching the shoddily concealed disappointment in everyone’s eyes as they see a disgraced ravenclaw, unable to take the pressure that everyone else in their house could. there would always be something different about them, never fitting in with anybody else in their new house.

the house rivalries splitting friends apart, people who they’ve been with since the very start. there would be shame in their eyes, pitying gazes trailing then as they walk down the hall, not making eye contact with anybody.

its obvious that the teachers are not used to them being in that house. they stumble on roll call, almost asking where the formerly bright student would be, then they catch themselves. they do a double take when observing the class, wondering why they would be in the room.

omg wait i got so sidetracked. jkjk its 3am and im dying to write a fanfic but i know i don’t have the dedication so i guess it spilled here?

anyways it’s very likely that students would change to fit a different house over time. still, not as many would become the best version of themself if they weren’t confined to their house.

u know that one line in zootopia? ‘if the world is only going to see a fox as shifty and untrustworthy, there’s no point in being anything else.’ it was something along those lines.

the students would probably subconsciously try to fit in with the stereotypes for their house, therefore developing a personality that vaguely fits with what they’re ‘supposed to be like’.

sorting just stunts the students’ growth as people. it is unnecessary. they should be like middle schools where they give a house but it’s just a colour and they aren’t actually seperated like that unless it’s sports events. even so, nobody really cares about that.

dictating how people are going to live their entire lives by a few minutes wearing a hat is literally the worst way to have a future.

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kisasiblings · 2 years

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fuck it, fma au with the siblings

i literally thought about this because alchemy is like the perfect combination of science and supernatural for mikako and yamato to enjoy so lets fucking go gamers, everythings under the cut

(while some characters are put in similar situations as fma characters theyre not 100% the same as 1) dra doesnt have many adult characters 2) some things have to be adjusted to, you know, fit the dra cast)

the premise is rather basic - tiny yamato and mikako are vibing with their dad whos an alchemist known for his innovative ideas although people wondered why he never applied to the state alchemist program (and were glad for that)

it was natural for both kids to follow in his footsteps although for quite different reasons

unfortunately in this au hanzo dies much earlier than in dra, it was bound to happen rip

so freshly orphaned yamato comes up with a brilliant (actually horrible) idea

yamato: hey this is my idea but what if we can bring father back to life, i miss him and you always wondered about more mysterious aspects of alchemy

mikako: yamato-nii i never said i wanted to commit alchemys biggest taboo. but i really want to see dad again so sure

uh oh we know where this is going

so these two begin coming up with a formula to make it work after finding a teacher to hone their alchemy skills

it is none other than rei mekaru who despite being the same age as them is an expert in a wide variety of subjects, alchemy included. of course it takes a while to convince her to teach them what she knows, and also shed 100% leave them on an unhabited island like izumi did

rei: i hope you two incompetents arent planning to use my knowledge to perform human transmutation

yamato: haha no why would we do something like that?

yeah shes going to be so fucking pissed in the future, try not to die my friends

while preparing for the transmutation itself mikako is hesitant to use her blood as shes not blood related to hanzo but yamato is like "you were his daughter too! its my opinion but its the soul information that matters, not genetics"

yeah obviously they fail miserably and yamato and mikako lose a leg/entire body respectively just like ed and al

instead of binding her soul to a suit of armor i feel like mikakos soul is bound to a steampunky robot prototype that hanzo was working on before his death but couldnt find a reliable energy source to power it

huh i guess it can be perpetually powered by a human soul so of youre willing to sacrifice your body parts for it then sure why not

so mikako rushes to the house of their friend kanata, whose adoptive father is a surgeon so yamato doesnt. bleed out from his injuries

also i feel like after finding his resolve, yamato himself comes up with a few ideas for his automail however he cant write them down unfortunately but hikaru ando does take what hes talking about into consideration since while he may be a surgeon able to perform automail surgery, he still has to commission somebody else to actually build the prosthetics

rip to a whole bunch of inches of yamatos height due to his growth being stunted

also unlike ed and al i think mikakos circumstances as being bound to a robot would make it harder not to stand out much and alert the military so yamato ends up not becoming a state alchemist so there would be less (although not nonexistent) risk of mikako being taken away for research

the house still gets arsond

instead these two just wander from place to place and accept small commissions while looking for a way to restore mikakos their bodies

while also staying as low profile as possible

however the military ends up hearing about a young alchemist and his mysterious robot companion and wonder about the method used to power it

especially since im sure these two would illegally sneak out into restricted areas to search for information

scar is still scar as no dra character would do him justice but yamato and mikako arent state alchemists so they dont have to worry about him as much, they might even become allies? probably? theres still a huge rift because of yknow, human transmutation

so yamatos presence may give state alchemists a run for their money which leads to the military trying to hunt him down

the one whos engaged in the hunt the most is the youngest state alchemist in history, tsurugi kinjo, who also tries to kill the siblings due to his black and white views on crime. he notices that human transmutation might be involved so he shows no remorse

mikako and yamato are living contradictions to his morals as theyre both just kids who made a mistake because they wanted to see their dad again and who also love to lend a hand to people in need even if their ways arent 100% legal

cue kinjo blue screening throughout the plot

anyways kokoro is the person whos the living philosophers stone and shes not a bad person because fuck linujs ableist writing

her interest in psychology along with alchemy when being taught by the homunculus really comes in handy as she talks with the twitch chat all hundreds of thousands of souls inside of her body

so even if she considered having a child purely for basic emotion research the souls would riot

she was rather present in mikakos life but after sojiros mysterious death she assumed that the homunculus might had been involved in this, and as she didnt want to risk her daughters safety, she decided to take her to a fellow alchemist and acquaintance who lived nearby, hanzo kisaragi, so he would keep her safe

since young mikako didnt understand the circumstances of her mothers plans to stop the country-wide alchemy circle, after being adopted into the kisaragi household she assumed her mother had abandoned her

yeah sadly kokoro is in the hohenheim type of situation where shes unable to be a good mom to mikako because of the possibility of the homunculus harming her

as for the 7 homunculi i think the voids + utsuro and akane would fit the roles (except lust isnt sexualized as in canon we see them mostly as teenagers so. big no no to that)

not exactly sure who would be who but im 100% certain on utsuro being pride pretending to be a boy named yuki maeda

and thats it for now i might add more info in reblogs

#dra #danganronpa another #mikako kurokawa #yamato kisaragi #au tag #fma au #not tagging other characters as info about them isnt as broad #sorry if formatting is kind of fucked up i had to copypaste everything again because i accidentally published the post prematurely #tw abandonment

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reineyday · 3 years

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bnha characters as volleyball players (au headcanons)

i have never in my life played volleyball outside of gym class and the occasional beach jaunt, so this is all based off of what i learned from haikyuu LOL

anyways, this started as tags from this fanart by @syblatortue of deku, kacchan, kiri, sero, iida and shouto as vball players, and then it got away from me so if you wanna read 2.9k worth of headcanons about powerhouse athletics high school UA then go ahead and press “read more” :)

deku's the calculating setter like kenma and he fanboys over stats from the international to the national to the high school

kacchan used to make fun of him and look down on him bc he used to think too much on court to move properly, and as a kid kacchan used to think that it was spiking or bust so he always gave deku grief and bullied him over being slow and weak

in middle school kacchan was a starter since first year and eventually became the ace but deku was always second string setter

his athleticism was nothing to write home about but he was just good enough to make the bench

in their middle school tournament their starting setter got injured and deku had to step in to set for a match for the first time ever

powerhouse volleyball high school coach yagi toshinori is watching and he sees all the aborted plans in deku's setting choices

he sees the gutsy sets that miss and the one successful dump he did that threw everyone off-guard (even deku himself), and yagi remembers what it was like to be hungry for volleyball seeing the look in this kid's eyes and he recognizes the brain on him

their team loses there though bc the fact is that deku wasnt athletic enough to do it and kacchan is yelling and deku's crying

but yagi approaches deku (who freaks out bc all might is THE legendary vball player of their country, and the nation was SHOOK when after getting severely injured by a malicious spike in the wrong place he chose to coach high school vball, even if the school was a powerhouse school and also his alma mater lol)

but anyways deku babbles and fanboys even through his tears and says he got into UA but he's not sure he can make the vball team, and yagi says he sees the potential in deku's plays and if he trains hard every. single. day. from now until the tryouts at UA, he might make at least the bench

(cue montage)

kacchan is angry to see deku at tryouts and fuckn RAGING when deku more or less keeps up bc deku got buff since their last high school match

unfortunately for kacchan he is actually the one most familiar with deku's playing since they trained together in middle school too, and he almost pops a blood vessel just thinking it but ever since deku started actually being able to get to the ball in time, vball has been more fun ‘cuz the things deku ends up doing are fucking batshit crazy and his sets are begrudgingly his favourite to hit

deku sets right where kacchan can just hit the ball as violently as he can, and it sounds like a bomb goes off when the spike hits the ground

(kacchan also obviously has the best serves and he mixes it up with the power ones like his ap shots, or floaters when he's strategic; he knows how to read the opposing team and either wait or serve really fast and serves up high to blind them like his flashbomb explosions, and he’s really arrogant about his serves but at least he can back it up as per classic kacchan)

anyways they become a really intimidating duo, apart but especially together, because despite the way deku still occasionally cowers from kacchan’s rage and kacchan is often yelling and antagonizing deku, they can read each other really smoothly on court and they match each other really easily, and they both go for the really gutsy shit no one else would think to try (like samu and tsumu going for the freak quick with samu setting kind of gutsy)

kacchan is also antagonizing af and calls the other team extras lol

but yeah, those two along with renown olympic vball player todoroki enji's son shouto are the three most intimidating first years at UA

enji has a very aggressive playing style and where he targets people on the opposing team specifically to make them sweat, makes them feel like he’s hot on their heels even from the other side of the net, always glaring, always strong

shouto hates it and hates the way his dad made him train day in and day out just because he had a good reaction time and instincts for the ball when he was young

fuyumi and natsuo were slow as kids and got immediately dismissed bc of it bc to enji if they werent athletic enough for the ideal vball playing style as children then theyd never be athletic enough to beat all might’s vball career and metrics in the future

touya was fast enough but he overtrained and strained his knees and then continued straining them to play anyways till they were permanently damaged, and by the time he graduated middle school, his doctor put him on orders to never ever ever do anything that might be overly strenuous for his knees ever again

anyways, shouto plays very cool and detached, like even when he spikes the ball right into your face you’ll feel like he wasn’t looking; he’s a middle blocker like suna, stays calm but uses his whole body

deku eventually convinces him that playing with fire every once in a while, especially when he spikes, can be a good thing because at the end of the day, his dad may have taught him the tricks but it’s shouto himself who’s playing, and so it’s not his dad’s style, it’s his own

also the spikes just aren’t as good or as psychologically effective if shouto’s not 100p IN it when he goes to spike one of deku’s demanding sets

and im gonna say shouto is ambidextrous but more comfortable with his left hand in this volleyball au because shouto’s left side is his fire side, and it’s more parallel to the character to make his more aggressive spiking hand his left one but still have him be able to use his left hand for spikes too (it’s also SO stressful for opponents bc angles)

also yes he does indeed only play with his right hand (his ice side) when he gets into UA, and is initially very hellbent on proving to his father that he can become a pro vball player without being as aggressive as enji on court and without using his more dominant hand, the hand that his dad’s been focusing on whenever they trained at home, the hand he’s spent hours and hours spiking and serving with since he was like five years old

one day deku notices shouto’s writing with his left hand and then connects the dots and sort of badgers him into spiking one of his sets with his left hand too and then yeah shouto tells him his life story and deku manages to emotionally coerce him into being okay with his left-handed spikes

(shouto also feels better about it when deku points out the left-handed angles thing)

so yeah that’s the big three scary first year starters: calculating and gutsy deku, who occasionally makes plays so gutsy he’s at risk of twisting one of his limbs in a very scary way (he’s always bruised in weird ass places from volleyball); raging, aggressive but also cunning kacchan, who is undoubtedly the loudest on any court he’s on, and ambidextrous hot and cold shouto, who does a pretty solid general defense with little holes but has scary aggressive spikes

btw shouto’s got a fanclub and they call him the volleyball prince

also at one point they totally play a practice match against shiketsu and UA loses bc inasa starts antagonizing shouto for being exactly like his father (inasa asked for enji’s autograph after a match once when he was a kid and got rudely blown off) and shouto gets offended and starts targeting inasa and then they get outplayed (it was a close match though ‘cuz both of them couldnt get their heads out of their asses and both their teams were suffering as a result)

alrighty, the other players in that fanart lmao!

kirishimaaaaa my dude my bro, super solid libero, always pumps up the team, and his defense is unbreakable! will receive even the scariest, most powerful spikes and smile cheerfully through it; will always insist that you’re manly for playing with everything you have and never letting fear get in the way of going for it

his middle school had a huge and scary substitute gym teacher who didn’t have mercy and spiked hard right to the faces of the students, and kiri really wanted to run forward to receive the spike and yell about how unfair this teacher was but he froze because the spike seemed unforgiving and if he received it wrong, what if his nose broke? what if he fell and broke something from the impact? mina didnt pause though and she received the spike and told off their substitute teacher and then reported it to their homeroom teacher and it was so manly of her, he promised himself he would never hesitate just bc of a scary spike again

btw mina’s all-around athletic and could probably make it onto the girls vball team but she’s probably on the UA dance team (UA is a powerhouse school for many sports, and theyre famous for their athletics department bc they often hire (former) pro-athletes to teach and coach)

iida comes from a family of sprint runners and he’s the one they trust for the most running; he’s their first year decoy and he’s fast af for such a big guy, and he often also provides extra block support from zooming left and right

also enjoys helping out the managers and corralling his team into being good students; he’d offer to tutor kirishima but kiri seems to have fun trying to be friends with bakugou lol; he makes it known that he’s there if kiri wants some extra patience to go along with his studies though

sero guess blocks so accurately people like to say that he’s got tape coming from his elbows, bringing the ball straight to his arms so that he can block; actually he’s pretty known for having weirdly accurate control bumping the ball back from places other than his hands (esp his elbows though), like he’s just so aware of his body, and he uses everything he can to keep the ball off the ground so he’s good at general defense

some other people i wanna mention:

aizawa’s their supervising teacher and the first year homeroom teacher (he gets to hear bakugou explode both first thing in the morning AND right at the end of the day, oh joy); all might just coaches ‘cuz he does other former pro stuff during class time, so he somehow ended up in charge of the volleyball club after the previous teacher stopped being able to

he never went pro but he’s a black belt mixed martial artist, and he still does those parent-child karate classes with hitoshi (who is now close to black belt and on the demo team, since they’ve been doing this since hitoshi was like five) and eri (who just got her yellow belt! aizawa is soft)

only hizashi, nemuri, oboro and his kids know this but he’s also REALLY good at doing aerial silk and he looks graceful af when he does it

hitoshi started kinda learning aerial silk when hizashi took him to a rock climbing place that had the silks on the ceiling (dont at me, there’s a place EXACTLY like this where i used to live lmao) and found out they offer classes there, and hizashi laughed and said “yknow your dad is pro at those right”

ochako is their first year manager, and when everyone is confused about kacchan continuing to call deku something so mean, she talks about how the nickname is cute and gives off the impression that he’s trying his best and when deku grins and blushes and seems to be happy with it, the whole team starts calling him deku with the same intentions and fondness behind it

every time other people hear UA calling their starting setter “deku” theyre so confused

nejire is the third year manager leaving and she does gymnastics and dance outside of school

mirio is the ace and his thing is that he is very strong and very precise, and he moves like he phases through the other players

tamaki is a middle blocker that can adapt all kinds of playing strategies pretty fast as long as he’s got time to digest them and decent food in his stomach—he’s a great decoy ‘cuz his spikes are hard and he’s pretty fast too, and while he prefers read blocking, there are a few times he guess blocks and it’s accurate af and kinda scary honestly

tamaki and mirio are also pretty fearsome ‘cuz people start off scared of mirio’s power spikes and serves (btw his goal is to spike a million service aces LOL), and then tamaki kind of surprises them ‘cuz he seems to be able to just? do everything??? (and theyre extra surprised bc no doubt he’ll be talking himself down and doubting himself before the match and the opponents will think like “oh good he’s mentally weak” and he kind of is but also holy shit??? we got blocked AGAIN???) and so they sort of only keep a peripheral eye on mirio while they start focusing on tamaki, and then all of a sudden mirio’s not where you thought he was and how’d he get there so fast and there other players in the way??? and then mirio spikes one in

this isn’t really related to anything else but you BET mirio can bend low and do insanely accurate bump receives from pretty close to the ground like! his thighs and knees are legend

we don’t really know any second year bnha students, but i’d like to think their starting team isn’t just first years, so i’d say like… hm or mb tamaki is starting setter (all the stuff about adapting and easily digesting strategies still applies, as well as his flexible skillset, it just now includes setting) and mirio is his ace, but all might puts deku in a lot more than you’d expect a bench player to be subbed in not only ‘cuz it shakes up the other team to see such a meek-looking kid do these gutsy-ass sets, but also bc it’s good for tamaki’s mental health that he feels like he’s got a really great setter right there supporting him as well, even though he knows (objectively) that he can hold the fort on his own

so yeah, id say tamaki and mirio for sure starters (mirio is captain), kirishima’s a starter (he’s always been really good, he just used to get a little scared off in matches sometimes, but since the thing with mina, he’s been really gunning for it, and also conveniently their last really good libero graduated the year before and they didn’t really have a good backup), shouto’s a starter (he’s lowkey mad about it bc it feels like he’s fulfilling his dad’s legacy and he doesnt want to be), and probably two second years, that feels fair

bakugou’s benched bc his temper’s still a little too unwieldy for the court (much to his dismay), sero’s still patching up holes in his defense, and deku could stand to watch other people’s playing styles, but u bet theyre all fearsome af when theyre on court: deku seems to be the only one that seems to be able to bring out shouto’s terrifying spikes for now; after their first qualifiers, rumours fly around the vball circuit about his angry pinch server that’s so mad he’s not a regular, he takes it all out on his serves and rip the team that has to try and receive them

well okay, so bakugou is the only that i can qualify as actually fearsome bc even when he’s being intimidating sero is a pretty chill dude, and deku looks too nice to really be scary so the opponents usually arent scared until he starts playing and then for them it’s just this internal monologue of “what the fuck? what the FUCK???”

and sero, while chill, is the type to be aggressively cheerful and grin really wide after he blocks and gives you, the opponent, really supportive feedback that sort of still offends you but in a way you cant refute because every word he said was nice and his demeanour was nice too and yet? you kinda wanna strangle him??? and then he laughs winsomely and blocks your next spike too (like, “awh i noticed you have a tendency to follow here when xyz happens, but better luck next time right? that’s usually a pretty good play”)

and of COURSE their school banner says “plus ultra”

ANYWAYS i went OFF lmao i can’t believe i really wrote 2.9k of headcanons for this

i have waaaay more ideas about what the rest of the class and other characters are up to in this au that is powerhouse athletics high school UA so if for some reason you got all the way to the end then thank you and please interact if you wanna talk more about it!!!

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha headcanons #mha #my hero academia #mha headcanons #haikyuu fusion #sort of #rei rambles #rei writes #(sort of)#it was fun trying to parallel their quirks to their vball playing style haha

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twoforts · 3 years

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notes for a longform mother daughter blu spy and blu scout angst fic that i wanted to write below the cut

its probably never going to get written lol

also sorry if theres anything cringe in there i havent looked at this in a long while

enemies to friends/found family snowed in BLU Scout + BLU Spy fanned fiction

OCT252020 at 245AM

BLU scout

inspiration:

- Allison Bechdel (in her novel Fun home)

- Carolina (from rvb)

ambitious, loud, secretive*, competitive

*scout knows how to distract from questions by answering questions that werent asked. she also is able to avoid seeming secretive by being open about too many other things. the queen of TMI, she talks too much, so it makes others eager to shut her up, and not pry.

BLU spy

inspiration:

- Allison Bechdel's Father (Fun Home novel)

- [ a teacher from my hs ]

- the Director (from RvB)

- Vespa (The Penumbra Podcast)

depressed, followed by dread, tragedy and death; know-it-all, unlucky (spy is the black cat), spy has issues with remembering faces due to brain damage, she has also convinced everyone that she is swedish

> followed by death, spy eventually realizes she doesnt want to kill anymore, even though death isnt permanent here, its stench follows her. she no longer wants any part in the violence.. she wants to heal, and for a while, she does. but she could only keep it up for so long.. recovery affected her performance for the worst, and the killings of her teammates and their pitiful stares snapped her into relapse. as her mental state continued to deteriorate, she only became more lethal, furthering her decline. the blood on her hands. the cold snow.

Chapter Title / Major event outline

Chapter 1

the meeting / the reunion

scout arrives to meet her mercenary team for the first time.

maybe looking over the dossiers again on the train just before arrival

put emphasis on meeting the spy?

maybe after each character is introduced, scout thinks something non-specific but referring, maybe at the end of the day when she finally gets to her room

Chapter 2-4?

working title

scout getting to know the team members. she tries to act natural, and succeeds. the mercenary shes most interested in is the spy, but no one knows. as scout gets to know the spy, the scout, who admires ambition, begins to hate what she sees. the spy, who is a depressed and broken shell of a woman (to the scout). Knowing what the scout knows, she hates this about the spy, and almost says things she shouldnt(things about spy being her mom), and actually says other things(harsh things about spy and her personality, as well as things she cant really control) and when scout returns to her room that night, she cries, both for herself and the spy.

Chapter 5-(X-1)

- events that happen between here:

the team doing very well with scout's arrival

- scout getting to know team members

spy making progress toward recovering from deep deep depression, but seeing less results from her work

- side stories involving other team members

- scout growing to hate the spy

- spy learning to hate scout as well

- spy growing more depressed and doing better at her job as a spy compared to when she was recovering, and the turmoil this brings

- the team doing very poorly due to multiple internal conflicts

- the team continuing to do poorly

- various chapters regarding the scout's past, each with holes to be filled both by the future scout, and finally the future spy

- ^ including scouts search for spy, and what scout knows about her

Chapter X-(X+2)THREE PARTS

THIS IS THE MIDPOINT OF THE FIC

the turning point / reconciliation

the chapters where scout and spy stop being so awful to each other for the sake of helping their team win a match for once.

PART ONE (X)

a major event or wake-up call happens and they decide they need to bury the hatchet

PART TWO (X+1)

they have trouble getting along still. they have bad synergy and while both are trying to make amends, they dont see eye to eye, which builds frustration in both of them.

PART THREE (X+2)

an epiphany, something clicks, and theyre both trying and succeeding at being decent to each other. baby steps... there are still incidents, but they begin working through it constructively

Y=X+3

Chapter Y-(End-1)

from here, scout and spy have their ups and downs. this is the friends part of the fic. where any remaining malice is squashed. where trust is built, broken down, and built again, until scout and spy become the two people who fundamentally understand and respect each other the most in this world. genuine care is built. by now we know that both spy and scout are lesbians, which they bond over. they go on a one-on-one mission together, that for once, works out really well. and spy. The Spy. First name "The" Last name "Spy", The "i am unknowable" spy, decides to confide in scout, which brings us to the last chapter(s).

Chapter (End) (potentially multiple chapters)

The end / the spy with nine lives

as an ultimate mark of trust, spy tells the loudmouthed scout about what happened to her, something she isnt proud of, but isnt sure she regrets. a large step in healing for the spy, and pretty utterly unheard of. (flashback chapter in the life of the once young spy)

**** ABUSE, FAMILY DEATH, PERIOD BIGOTRY ETC. CW FOR THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH

the spy was abused at a young age, her elder brother was murdered when she was young as well. spy lived in russia as a lesbian. she knew at a young age, she would kiss women, offer propositions and the like. she got caught one day. to avoid being institutionalized, she married the first man she met, who then abused her, and tried to trap her in the marriage by getting her pregnant. Spy kills her husband shortly after recovering from childbirth, fakes her death, and leaves the child, and her old life behind. she flees to sweden, where she meets, and loses the love of her life. she leaves sweden. spy does a lot of misguided living... at first she does her best to check up on her daughter, but only 3 years in, spy loses track and feels like a failure. the first of many failures in her career in espionage. at one point she tried to get lobotomized herself, she gave herself brain damage and amnesia. she is the kind of person who, despite any kind of perseverance or optimism, dread and death and despair follows her... no matter how hard she tries. spy eventually finds herself where she is now, and no matter how many times she wants to forget all the lives before her, she never stops wondering what became of her offspring.

******** END CW

epilogue

upon hearing this, scout receives the definitive answers she was looking for. and for old competitions sake, relishes in knowing something the spy doesnt. then they cry on each other again or something (scout knows spy is her mother, but spy does not know scout is her daughter and thats the end of the fic or something)

#do not tag as ship #80rambles

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probably-writing-x · 4 years

Text

Out of love (Part 2)

(I’ve had to change certain aspects of the actual series to suit but... we move)

Not my Gif

Part 3 coming soon (If anybody actually wants a part three)

Summary - Guzmán has faced a lot over the past year, and you’d always been by his side through it all. It was a given. But there’s only so far that will stretch when he doesn’t reciprocate. How far will you go before you drain yourself of energy and give up on the one boy you’ve ever truly loved?

“(Y/n)?” The teacher calls out registration as every morning goes but it instantly switches from normality when your name isn’t met with a response.

If your name hadn’t already made Guzman’s heart sink, your absence certainly did. You never missed school, especially on important days like this. It was the open day for universities and he knew you’d always had high aspirations for your future. You wouldn’t want to miss the chance to network at something like that.

“She’s not here?” Guzmán mumbles to Ander, hoping for any sort of explanation from your brother.

“Of course not,” Ander rolls his eyes, turning away from Guzmán and facing the front of class.

Guzmán couldn’t even be mad at him for siding with you. He would do the same. He did do the same. He knew he was in the wrong. But his greatest fear was that he wouldn’t be given the chance to fix it. Tears pool in his eyes and he fights a losing battle to stop them from spilling.

- - - - - -

“You still haven’t spoken to him?” Omar frowns, leaning back against the kitchen counter as you sit on the countertop across from him.

“I don’t know what I’d say,” You brush your finger around the circle of the top of your coffee mug.

“Hasn’t he tried to call?” Omar persists, flinching when the toaster pings to say it is complete.

You scoff, “I turned my phone off.”

“(Y/n)!” Omar laughs, “You’re really done with him?”

The statement alone makes so much emotion build in your heart that you’re sure it’s above anything you can handle. The thought of being done with the boy you loved. How could that be? So soon? So abrupt? It didn’t feel right. But, if he didn’t feel the same about you, how could you ever not be done with him?

“Looks like we’re both having a shit time with relationships then,” Omar comments as he hands your breakfast over, “But, unlike me, you still have your education - so get ready for school and show those universities why they should have you.”

He’s right. Ending things with Guzmán, if that’s really what happened, should never be a reason for you to jeopardise your future. So, with a heavy heart and a swirling mind, you choose to take Omar’s suggestion.

- - - - - -

School doesn’t feel the same when you’re not walking through the corridors with Guzmán. When he’s not waiting for you by your locker or his gym bag isn’t crammed into yours because there was no room left in his locker. It feels physically and emotionally empty.

“Hey beautiful!” It’s Valerio that comes up and throws an arm around your shoulder, “No boyfriend today?”

“Go away, Valerio,” You roll your eyes, trying to pull his arm away.

Instead, he doesn’t budge, “Did you finally pluck up the courage to end things?”

You’re silent.

“Probably for the best, huh?” He scoffs, “You’ve deserved better than him for a long time.”

With that, you push him away with enough force that you even surprise yourself. You glare at him with a burning stare, “It’s none of your fucking business!”

He smirks and it makes you want to rip the look right off his face. There’s a crowd of people scattered around the corridor - eyes now on the sweetheart of the school in her evident demise.

“Can you just leave me alone?” When he doesn’t respond, you let out a sharper tone, “Please!”

“Hey, hey, hey...” Valerio begins but it doesn’t take long for him to be quickly cut off.

“She told you to go.”

The cold, harsh tone is only distinctive to Guzmán- there was nobody else that would say it like that. And, just as you’d guessed, he’s there. He steps in between the two of you and holds a hand towards Valerio’s chest until the boy finally gives up. Guzmán turns to you.

“You didn’t need to do that,” You say it quietly because it seems like both of you are broken enough already.

“I know, I just figured if I-“

“Thank you,” You smile lightly, “I should go.”

That was worse than if you’d have yelled in his face and told him to leave you alone just as you had done with Valerio. Instead, you’d just given him ten more reasons to love you even more. Ten more reasons that he seemed incapable of showing properly. His heart sinks as you’re walking away but it doesn’t look like you. Your shoulders have fallen and your steps seem like theyre taking all of your energy from you. No, he’d been the one to take that. Now you were just using up what was left.

You find yourself strolling around the different stalls set up around school, with no real focus on any of them in particular.

“(Y/n)!” It’s Lu that calls you over and you glance up.

She’d always wanted to be with Guzmán, since before the two of you were together and generally for a lot of the time that you were. It’s not that the two of you hated one another but how could you not carry a slight loathing towards her?

“So it seems like things with you and Guzmán aren’t great?” She pouts, treating this like another one of the times where the two of you were fed up of one another. It happened occasionally. Usually because he forgot to come over the night before, or you’d cancelled plans you’d made. It always lasted a day and then brushed away after the two of you couldn’t keep at it any longer.

“Yeah, I guess not,” You comment, your voice quieter and weaker than you’d hoped it would be.

“Hey, you okay?” That’s the thing about Lu - beyond that exterior, she had a heart of gold.

“Sorry, yeah,” You shake your head, “Just, um, a lot going on I guess.”

“Oh come on, its you and Guzmán,” She scoffs, “Somehow, and I don’t know how, that boy is obsessed with you.”

You find yourself looking over to where he stood, leaning against a wall away from everyone else. Obsession. Was that what it was? Did that ever really mean the same as love? Before you can say anything more, Lu is hurrying off to speak to Nadia - likely sending some smart remarks her way in response to their competition for the Columbia scholarship. A big part of you was trying to convince yourself that you should be doing the same, networking with different universities to grab at their best opportunities. But a small part of you didn’t really feel ready to leave Las Encinas, not like this. When you glance up to see Guzmán again, he’s already gone.

- - - - - -

“Hey, I’m not late am I?” You drop your bag as you finally find your Mum Ander and Omar in the hospital.

“No, we should be next,” Ander nods, evidently weaker in his form now as he sits in the same seat as he had done before every appointment.

“Okay,” You let out a breath, hugging your Mum before sitting on the other side of Omar, “You okay?”

Omar looks at you and forces a smile, “No.”

You smile back gently, “Yeah, that makes four of us.”

When you’re called in for the appointment, part of you feels so strongly sure that it would all be okay. That Ander would have already found the light at the end of this falling tunnel. He’d have a way of getting out of all of this and it could be thought of as history.

When the doctor says otherwise, it’s like your whole fake world comes crashing down around you.

“I’m sorry Ander,” The doctor sighs, “But please, rest assured that we will do everything we can to get you through this. And I have strong faith that you have the strength to do so.”

You can tell Anders not listening to a word of it anymore, and none of you are picking up on much. It makes you feel weak to the middle of your bones, like you’re wishing with every ounce of you that you could take his place. It should be me. It should be me. It should be-

“(Y/n)?” It’s Omar that breaks you from your thoughts and, somehow, all of you are out of that room now. You’d not even noticed that you’d moved.

The two of you look at each other and your gazes say enough words that no sound could muster as his arms wrap around you and you do the same for him. Like both of you are holding each other up. You stay like that until Ander joins you, and the three of you aren’t really sure who’s comforting whom anymore.

- - - - - -

It’s the next day when you hear Guzman’s voice downstairs. You hear him talk to Ander about everything and tell him he’ll always be there for him. In the end, you tune out of their conversation and put your earphones in - he’d be gone soon. But an undeniable lump forms in your throat when you hear him coming upstairs.

A text pings through from Ander on your phone - I tried to stop him :/ Sorry

Guzmán knocks softly on your open door and you have to fight with every morsel of you that’s telling you to not look up. He’s still in his school uniform and he has his bag still slung over his shoulder, gym bag held in the other hand.

“Hi,” He begins, waiting as you take out your earphones and sit up straight in bed.

“Hey,” You respond, pushing your laptop from your lap and folding down the screen slightly.

“I won’t stay if you don’t want me to. I just figured I’d come and see if you were okay.” He explains, looking more awkward than ever in a place he’d treated as a second home.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” You nod, running a hand through your messy hair, “Um, did I miss much at school?”

A smile dances on his lips, “Classic,” He chuckles, pulling down his bag and grabbing out some stuff, “I got all of the work you need, and you can copy my notes.”

“Thank you,” You force a smile, taking the books from him and brushing your thumb over the cover where you’d written his name.

He drops his bags down by the door and makes his way over, “Miss mentioned that you hadn’t got your name down for any universities, they could’ve just missed you but-“

“I didn’t write down for any.”

Guzmán frowns and takes a seat on the side of the bed, turning to face you, “What? Why? What happened to Oxford?”

You swallow the lump in your throat, “Things have changed since then.”

It’s like the realisation hits him ten seconds too late, “You were always going to go to Oxford with Marina.”

You cross your legs and look down at their fold to avoid his stare, “I know it seems silly, she’d hate me for even considering not going. But I’m not sure I see myself at any university anymore.”

“Seriously?” He chokes a little - was it because of him?

“I don’t know, I can’t even think about leaving with everything that’s going on,” You shake your head.

“Hey,” Guzmán shifts and his hand falls onto your leg as he squeezes gently, “I’m so sorry about Ander, but the doctor has said they-“

“I know what the doctor said, Guzmán,” It’s too harsh and you wish you could retract it instantly, “But they weren’t right when they said it would work originally.”

“They’re doing all they can,” He encourages, not phased by your irritation, “Ander doesn’t give up easily.”

“That was when he was chasing after Omar, not something like this,” Your bottom lip quivers but you still don’t release any tears. Part of you wishes that you would if it would stop all of the pressure that builds up.

“Here,” He sighs, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you into his chest. The positioning is awkward and everything feels so oddly uncomfortable but you find yourself melting into him like he’s there for all the right reasons. No. You couldn’t cave this quickly.

“You should go Guz,” You sniff, pulling away, “I’ll bring back your notes tomorrow.”

“(Y/n)...” The crease between his brows shows him trying to find all of the right words to say. Instead, he says none.

He picks up his bags and heads back out like he’d never been there.

- - - - - -

It takes a whole other 10 days of the same with you and Guzmán. You’d see him at appointments with Ander but never for too long and never with much conversation. You’d see him at school but always avoid him when you could. He’d bump into you in the corridor, give a light smile and continue about his day. And every piece of every day consisted of the two of you proving that you could live without each other. Or maybe just that you could live without him. Maybe he was handling it just fine. You still saw him with Samu, or saw him yelling about Polo, he still laughed with Ander or dismissed Lu’s advances - in every way, it felt like he was normal but just without you. And maybe that oddly confirmed everything you’d been feeling before. You’d truly managed to make this boy fall out of love with you.

“(Y/n), you look great but if you take any longer, you’ll be going alone,” Omar groans from the doorway as you’re still getting ready, “What else is there for you to do?”

“Find a way of avoiding Guzmán, perhaps,” You sigh, slipping on your shoes and adjusting to the new height, “Maybe I shouldn’t go.”

“Seriously?” Omar rolls his eyes, “We’re not doing this again. It’s a party, I wouldn’t even be surprised if Guzmán doesn’t show.”

As per usual, the party was at the club and you knew Guzmán well enough to know he wouldn’t resist going to something like that. No matter how much he tried.

“Okay, how do I look?”

“Oh my god I’m not saying it again, let’s go! I’m going to be late for my shift!” Omar drags your hand, pulling you out of the room so you couldn’t stress yourself anymore.

There was no reason for any of this partying tonight, no specific reason for you to all get together. Other than the fact that you all just wanted a night to escape.

And that’s exactly what you would do.

The club is already bustling as you say goodbye to Omar and head towards where the rest of the crowd were.Lu greets you quickly before hurrying off and Cayetana gives you a wave as you pass her. It felt like everybody was acting tonight. But when weren’t they at Las Encinas?

“(Y/n)!” Carla calls when she sees you, “How are you? How’s Ander?”

“He’s okay, treatment is underway again so we’ll see what the results are,” You nod, not replying to the first question.

“I’m sorry to hear about you and Guzmán. I always thought you two were meant to be,” She shrugs a little, “But you’ve deserved better than him for a long time.”

It shouldn’t annoy you in the way that it does. You’d ended things with him for that exact reason - he wasn’t good to you. But hearing someone else say it? It was like she’d offended you more than you’d like to admit. Because that wasn’t the case, right? You’d never deserved more than Guzmán. He’d been kind, caring, honest, funny, loyal, protective... all good traits packaged into one boy. Sure, that had changed towards the end of your relationship. But that was because circumstances changed. Everything in both of your worlds was pulling you in a hundred different directions and it meant that you fell out of touch.

“(Y/n)?” Carla waves a hand in front of you, “We should get you a drink!”

You agree to her encouragement and head to the bar with her, eyes trailing over everyone in hopes that you’d see the one boy that stood above the crowd.

And, just as you knew, he was there. You avoid his gaze and keep your eyes focused on Carla ahead of you. If you looked at him, you’d be too weak to look away.

Guzman’s eyes are fixated on you and only you. He watches every move like he’s trying to find out where in the world he went wrong. He had it all and his own arrogance and ignorance made him lose exactly that. It pains him, makes him feel sick to his stomach as he considers the thought of truly living without you. Up until now, he’d just been passing by in the weird grey zone where he knew you were still somewhat there. And he still hadn’t answered your question. When did he fall out of love with you? Fall out of love with everything? Did he ever?

He stays trailing his eyes on you for as long as he can from where he’s stood until it takes all of his strength to look away. His heart breaks just a little more.

- - - - - -

It’s only later into the night, maybe once the alcohol runs through you, that you decide to walk over. There was something that needed to be said.

“Guzmán,” You say it from behind him and half expect the music to drown you out.

But he turns around practically with fear in his eyes, “(Y/n).”

“I just wanted to say...” You stop yourself, taking in every bit of the appearance you adored, “Thank you for the other day at mine. You’ve been a good friend to Ander, and to me.”

“A friend?” He raises his brows, “Anders like my brother. And you know I’d never call you a friend.”

You take a deep breath, “I know that. I just wanted to say-“

“I get it,” His hand reaches up and rubs your arm gently, “It’s fine, I’m always here.”

You swallow the lump in your throat, “I’m going to go.”

You pull yourself together and go to turn away from him. You’d managed for two whole weeks to not kiss those lips, not plead with him to love you again, not break down and tell him you’d do everything to have him back - tonight wouldn’t be the night that it changes.

“(Y/n),” He stops you, standing close behind you as he speaks.

You don’t turn around. The sound of that word falling from his lips is enough to melt any barrier you’d built up hastily.

“I never stopped loving you. Not one part of me, my heart, my soul, ever stopped belonging to you. I just strayed too far from home and made it seem that way. And I know I went wrong,” He confesses it all but it feels so raw, “And you have every right to hate me for the way I treated you.”

You take in a shaky breath and your head starts to pound. This boy was about to make you cry.

“I never fell out of love with you,” He reiterates, “But I will spend every day from now until forever trying to prove to you why you shouldn’t fall out of love with me.”

Your shoulders drop and you feel like you could fall to the ground there and then. And tell him that was practically impossible. But you knew you couldn’t do that - to yourself or to him. He’d hurt you. And you needed to be one hundred percent sure that things would change before you went running back into those open arms.

Deep breath, shoulders back, let that one single tear fall - and walk away.

——————

Tags: @bi-mama @fanficparker

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sacks-of-kittans · 4 years

Note

So you wanted a route where everyone lives?? You might have explained it but how would that really work?

I probably HAVE but I won’t make you dig deep in my blog for it. And I’m not gonna dig for it so lists call it a 2.0 version. This is gonna be a loose idea so they’re definately some holes

The 3 lords do have supports

It would be Byleth’s route! Right before the time skip Byleth is pretty upset about their father and it’s like a murder mystery is about to be solved but it never is. I would love make a way where Sothis stays in the 5 years later but I don’t think o could make a logical way. Edelgard still has her war, that is always a major plot point in the game which I don’t ever see being erased.

Byleth wakes up and decides instead of going to the monastery they go to their house from the prologue and finds Alois there. Alois is searching for Rhea, but comes the cabin house often because he still can’t believe he met up with Jeralt, Byleth and the three leaders (I know he was watching over them but it was a nice memory before everything went to shit) they then go to monastery as Alois basically catches Byleth up on everything that has happened. The bandit scene! The people to catch up are Seteth and Flayn I guess. Lowkey thought maybe the abyss people but I haven’t recruited yet to know them truly.

After getting some characters, whose the most stable to go to after hearing 5 years worth of rumors? Claude, even if you weren’t his teacher, Claude didn’t start a war nor did he lose his sanity. On the way there you pick up a majority of the golden deer commoners and Lysthesia and Lorenz. That’s where another slip of information or battle with those with slither in the dark. Lythesia talks about the dark mages and Lorenz is like “I’m sorry your house went through that, it’s terrible your house was vulnerable at such a dark time.” Or something. Lorenz sends out a message to the main lords of the round table they need a meeting. The professor is back. They have some big ass meeting and Claude is like “wow you’re alive” since Marianne and Hilda’s families are included they’re there too. Byleth is basically pissed but know those who slither in the dark is a group that is responsible for the death of their dad and lyethesia hair. So yeah Byleth big mad and wants to take them down. Claude thinks he can convince Dimitri (if he’s still alive and shocked he is) to join their cause because he may be a little crazy, Claude thinks they can work together.

On the way to the kingdom spies have already caught wind Byleth is mad and wants revenge. A suborniate (a new character) tries to stop them from reaching the kingdom. They die. But wait?? Dimtri is trying to go to Gronder field t kill Edelgard. Loose idea, Dedue comes in on that map saying he took Dimitri’s place for execution and then stayed away (I forgot why he stayed gone for so long but people from Duscur helped him) but he’s also trying to catch up to Dimitri. You recruit Dedue. There would probaly be 2 more maps recruiting the other blue lions students.

Gronder field. Basically the mission is you gotta get Dedue or Claude to capture Dimitri before Dimitri gets to Edlegard. Byleth fighting Edlegard helps Byleth understand that “this is the only way” and other words Edelgard is being controlled (not by magic just like her will) yeah Edelgard wants a world where she can create but why then?? Thales or something.

Dimitri is capture. Edelgard retreats. You can recruit Bernadetta at Gronder field because she doesn’t want to fight, but do it before she gets set on fire. After the fighting Byleth explains that there’s something suspicious. While theyre regrouping at the monastery, Cornelia sets out an attack to get rid of Dimitri once and for all. Maybe she turns Rodrigue into a puppet just a thought. Dimitri pieces more of the Duscur tradegy together and has his in the rain moment. Claude and Dimitri can unlock their A support after that. They have to go to Enbarr.

Like two maps to recruit the black eagles houses. Edelgard is a boss. Once you defeat her she considers going into a giant moth monster BUt Byleth stops her. Byleth asks about Edelgard’s hair. Yes Edelgard is stubborn and can’t ask for help but having a faint understanding without having to explain her tradegy before hand makes her consider Byleth something else. She wants to be killed. Uncle Ardunel (?) shows up and tried to kill Byleth while they’re talking. Hubert thinkng fast teleports the three away. Edelgard says what now? Join my cause basically you’re being controlled by your abusers, it’s scary to leave, but you don’t have to be alone or with just Hubert. She doesn’t know if she can, Byleth puts a sword of her neck but doesn’t slice it. Hubert is also trying to threaten Byleth in this moment. Claude and Dimitri find the three. Byleth tells Edelgard dying isn’t gonna do your dream any good, stay alive, help out and you can rid of this crest system. Edlegard silently accepts.

Freeing Rhea. Before Edelgard frees Rhea, they basically fight each other with words. They don’t trust each other, and Edlegard explains why she didn’t kill Rhea after 5 long years. They debate, and Rhea basically says Edelgard isn’t control of her own fate if she follows those who slither in the dark, just like her not having a choice to have 2 crests. Byleth breaks it up and has Edelgard free Rhea. They return to the montarsy and the news in Enbarr is that the emperor dissapeard. Rhea explains Fodlan’s history to the 3 leaders and Blyeth. She is too weak to fight but wants everyone to work together and defeat the real enemy. Edelgard and Dimitri resolve some of their issues, and Edelgard calls Claude a compentent leader. There’s not enough time to do too much.

There’s like 3 more maps of killing generals of those who slither in the dark. They either attack the montasry or Theh go out and find them. There are more white haired people on their ranks. If Edelgard fights someone with white hair she pities them cause they were once like her and they’re like “I won’t be alive long anyway”. Lythesia fighting them also has a pity and questions why they fight and you just get an angry answer like “shut up!” Kinda deal. I doubt Lythesia was the only white haired kid to live (out of the ground total of people the dark mages tested on. They got once crest formula right and said alright there we go! Nah they gotta standardize it. Yeah the royal empire kids died or went made, but I bet more people were affected. Like people who have major crest siblings and they were minor crest)

You get your final battle with Thales who talks about Sothis and Jeralt and everything else of their experiments and who had to be eliminated. He also jabs at Edelgard for betraying herself, but she says he doesn’t have the best interest for her but the professor does (cause the professor was like you can keep your dream but don’t die we need you for info) big monster battle with puppets too. Yay! Victory

Though the boarders weren’t unified the three leaders were unified by that war that made them work together with their beloved professor. Rhea steps down and let’s Blyeth take over, she does give advice and seteth still there to help advise. Manuela and Hammenmen still teach. Alois finally goes home to see his wife and kids. Edelgard does end up stepping down as emperor once she finds an unnamed replacement. She accepts she’s not the best for job as emperor and depending on endings her life changes. She’s an advisor for the empire or goes to Byleth side something like that. Maybe she travels around the country to understand the people better. Claude ends up opening Fodlan’s throat and devotes his efforts to bridging Alymra and Fodlan. Dimitri Gets therapy, and does become king. They do all stay in contact with Byleth often through letters and visits. Yeah the religion may have changed, but the church still turns people into knights, they offer negotiations between countries and noble houses. Regardless of Lythesia’s ending she does end up living longer because characters like Linhart and Hamnenen are allies no matter what.

Ending scene is like a year later where they thank Byleth for protecting all their students so everyone could cut futures without racism, overbearing crest systems, and figuring out that slithers in the dark did a lot of evil things and being free form their control. The end

#ask #fire emblem #anon

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chrobinrickhen · 5 years

Text

shit that happened

tw for child abuse, beating, physical assault, minor transphobia etc ///

my parents have been abusive to me my whole life. from things starting small with my mom treating me as her spouse and talking to be about things a parent shouldnt talk about with their as young as 3 year old child during times she was in fights with my dad, to while i was younger primarily beating me for simply crying at things (mainly in public places), the total and complete gaslighting of my abusive 5th grade teacher (which was somehow far worse than them lol) etc. however, they never seriously beat me before, as in, all out beating me up with continuous punches kicks and thrashing.

my mom would frequently slap me in the face or punch me once in the back at times as of recent during my years in high school where i struggled to my near (literal) hospitalization and death from mere over exhaustion and stress (i averaged less than 4-5 hours of sleep for all 4 years and my senior year i nearly didnt sleep At All) during my senior year my dad even threatened to kill me during one of my parents outbursts against me simply trying to reason (more like beg! lol!) for them to help me drop out of school because it was destroying me and was more and more traumatizing literally every day and they thought they were justified because “i was so close!” “youve already suffered for so long may as well stick it through!” despite my therapist and psychologist doing the best they can to tyr and get me out. my parents have punched a whole in the wall, thrown and broke things, (thankfully not at me) and simply just been physically threatening with destroying things important to me and my belongings.

however, after i graduated. and after i was diagnosed with ptsd. and after they seemed to become more understanding and learning from their mistakes i thought they were genuinely open to becoming better people and challenging themselves to listen to me and others.

this incidence proved that wrong.

itd been 2 years give or take i genuinely dont even remember what year i graduated lol since he threatened to kill me. i thought they changed and genuinely had formed trust with them that was slowly growing. and then somehow or another the topic of asylum seekers, ice, and the current concentration camps came up, to which my parents responded with some of the genuinely most vile words ive ever heard people say to my face. i dont even want to try and repeat it here bc im pretty sure you can get the idea. i calmly tried to talk to them, they started to scream, i went up stairs. they continued to shout horrible things to me, that again, im skipping over for my own wellbeing bc it isnt exactly fun to recount. something something “you havent sufferred through shit” she said to me at one point. yes, your child who has been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder, depression, panic disorder, ptsd, ocd, eating disorder general symptoms, a survivor of school abuse spanning my whole life for not being neurotypical and cishet, and a pending diagnosis for adhd, TOTALLY has not suffered.

anyway, i wanted to die. what they said to me, was so horrific i really just, wanted to die, i kind of lied about it on twitter saying im not actually suicidal dont worry but i highkey was and i dont wanna try and cover that up again. i just didnt want anyone to worry (IM OKAY NOW AND NOT SUICIDAL DONT WORRY this if anything was a good lesson for me to learn) anyway, i told them this. i knew it was kind of shitty and guilty but all i asked of them. is that even if they cannot agree with me, if they would at least care to listen to why this is wrong and accept that they dont know everything like they are convinced they do and yet accuse me of claiming i myself am.

i texted them, that long thing, telling them how i would stay in bed and not eat or drink (for context my sleep schedule was fucked the two days prior and i barely had eaten or drinken) my memory is fucked and i would have to check with my therapist if im confusing this with another instance bc im pretty sure the beating happened the day the argument did but i also remember staying in bed for mulitple days? but anyway thats not important fhdiujng so. they came to me and started screaming shit at me. again. horrible shit. their response to their child saying “im suicidal and would rather die than you be my parents any longer if you refuse to listen to why these people deserve to not be put in cages and die” and their reaction was not concern but screaming, insults, calling me a monster, a puppetmaster (the irony) and I DID NOT. SAY. A WORD. TO THEM. I DID NOT MOVE> i was. completely. still. the entire time. i was weak. i was sick. Literally from dehydration and starvation. and because i did not answer them back they jumped ontop of me and my mom beat the shit out of me and chokeheld me, my dad then also did the same even though he did not hit me, he came close to strangling me before leaving the room. i was swollen and bruised all over including my face it was super visible for whatever reason but my body hurt like a motherfucker for over a week since that happened. i just cried when they left

then an hour later after htey beat me they came up and starting their baby uwu act of “i dont want to fight just go shower and come down and eat your dinner blablabla you know we love you rihgt?” and forcing me to apologize to them whenmy mom literally beat me, my dad screamed in my face with his nose to mine to and they helf my neck in their hands with the intent to cause physical harm to me.

proceeding this the aftershock of trying to process what hat happened was just. a lot as you can imagine. i was so paranoid and uncomfortable the week preceeding this just being aorund them hearing their voices literally everything about my house and them living in it was horrifying to me. my therapist helped me a lot and im ok now but like. they proved to me that they really just cannot be helped. theyre a lost cause. at this point to me, the only thing they are are a financial source to cover my transition and im left with no choice but to force myself to play the puppet. i tried to do a mix of both working with and against them before and it blew up in my face. it sucks but thats what it is and as long as obey their shitty asses ill be fine. i dont know where my future will go but i know and pray that it cannot and will not be with them. the moment i am away from them and my belongings are not in their possession they no longer exist to me unless they genuinely will accept the fact theyre the 2nd reason my ptsd exists.

tl;dr my parents suck and im forced to play their child puppet in order to literally survive their love of me is toxic and based on a false perception of what a child is supposed to be and i regret not calling child protective services on them whe n i had the chance

#child abuse #abuse #tw child abuse #tw abuse #tw violence

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tryaddump · 4 years

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TheKojiIsHere

1- KoR/TFO weapon Elias Alderaan isn't enough to wake him up When the Empire crumbles he's sorta just abandoned, maybe a shuffled around asset among surviving moffs and generals and the like before ending up in one of the groups' hands Feral but still trainable 2- Fully dark Elias At some point comes out of his stupor on his own, but is no less angry and vicious Ends up turning on his masters and takes over a cell or the empire for himself when the top two fall. Now hes the one cracking the whip, and he's even crueler to his subordinates as those who made him And he is always angry, like the kind of angry that shoots past flailing tantrums into eeerie seeming stillness, but you can't mistake it for calm when he casually snaps a neck or cuts someone in half for any minor inconvenience or failure

hackett. chinhands

TheKojiIsHere https://youtu.be/hL5zv4mN1xA Batman-Under the Red Hood Black Mask Montage

From beginning to 2:06

Except the punch would have been a saber thrust through the face

darth porgeius ooookay that’s some unhinged darkness right there

hackett. kor elias would be a fucked version of his tryad dynamic with ben. the kor were brothers / dark side teachers for kylo. it was a frat cult fully dark elias is giving vader a run for it

TheKojiIsHere But also imagine like Full dark Elias scoops Ben before snoke can

hackett. ..... The Resistance is now The Attempt because fucking hell

TheKojiIsHere Couple immediate differences: Ben never becomes a KoR bc Elias wouldn't even send him therr He also doesn't become a Jedi Killer bc even dark Elias has certain boundaries snoke does not, and no more Jedi need to die pointlessly Ben, and I cannot stress this enough is so much more of a powerhouse/threat holy shit Bc he's been kinda raised by Elias, taught proper forms, and how to utilize his raw power more effectively He's a better dueliest, more disciplined, and more knowledgeable Also Elias isn't borderline torturing the kid I wouldn't say he's kind But he's a very different kind of cruel

hackett. Duuuude, now im picturing this kylo concept art https://images.app.goo.gl/2BE5WHechxB78f7L8

darth porgeius super spook

hackett. Im curious to explore the differences because the kor are such a huge influence. Kylo ren's face is based on their style. That mask is so tied to his identity.

TheKojiIsHere Elias also wouldn't have tolerated such adoration of Vader Fuck I imagined him finding the helmet in Ben's quarters And making Ben watch as he crushed it with The Force Brought it in on itself until it was just a small metal sphere

hackett. ...... I think i just felt ben die inside

TheKojiIsHere Elias: You do not celebrate his works. He cast aside himself for the sake of an old fool with delusions of grandeur, and stole the selves of his brothers. He is not worth your worship, and you have already surpassed him in so many ways. Do not let the the short sightedness of the past blind and rob you of the future's promise, Ben.

hackett. ......i

TheKojiIsHere

I'm sending this here bc I don't wanna interrupt what you're typing in tryad chat BUT PALPATINE NEVER GETS INTO HIS HEAD ELIAS HAS MADE SURE NOBODY EVER GETS INTO HIS MIND AGAIN AND MAKES HIM SOMETHING HE ISNT SO HE MAKES SURE BEN CAN DO THE SAME Dark Elias doesn't get Ben by twisting his mind into servitude He makes Ben a better offer than anyone else is

hackett. In other words, his crimes are truly his own

TheKojiIsHere Yeeeeeup

hackett. There's no headworm that has convinced of his path Whats elias like as a master in this au

TheKojiIsHere Harsh but fair. He beats the shit out of Ben regularly, but never pointlessly. He's ruthless because those Ben will face are so, but there is always a lesson to be learned Example: Ben learned mental defense bc Elias would day take time each day forcing his way into Ben's mind whole instructing how to stop him He kept doing it until Ben got it Until his mental defenses were like walls of beskar Dueling, they used shock batons so it wouldn't be lethal but it would hurt Every slip in his form would come with pain But Elias always made sure he knew that with the pain came knowledge, with knowledge, strength I got to stress this allies is not insane just angry Which means he is capable of moments that are not the black mask video I showed you To be honest and this au with Ben is probably as soft as this Elias gets And he definitely gives been praise when it's due. It's hard fault but when Ben gets a form right, or makes progress, he makes sure Ben know that it is not unnoticed Above all Else, he may be harsh but he will never be Vader He will never push been to a breaking point. He will never Rob Ben know who he is. He will only test him and have high standards for Passing

hackett. Ben would develop so differently. Less reckless, still calculative but more discerning before he strikes and when he strikes he's already plotted out his next moves

TheKojiIsHere Seriously, such a difference this'd make Hell, the galaxy would be wildly different There'd be a third power at play Though Elias isn't much interested in huge expansion or conquest. He basically takes a world with the force he has and refuses to let it go. This ofc makes him an enemy of the New Republic So his group (idk the name yet) is essentially dealing with defense more than offense, but people are sent out to destabilize TNR on a major level And when TFO pops up, they're competition Plus, Elias will sense Palpatines hand in things So where TNR is met with cold, apathetic disruption TFO is targeted with extreme prejudice OH MAN IMAGINE THAT'S HOW REY FITS IN! SHES SCOOPED BY TFO She's the Ren But yes Elias would have been a harsh but fair teacher/father. He also, as an interesting contrast to smoke, doesnt leave all the work to underlings Ben would see Elias fighting alongside him And his Vaapad variant works even better There's a lot more internal darkness to tap into and start the loop OH MAN I JUST THOUGHT OF A DUO MOVE THEY COULD HAVE USE EACH OTHER Rather than rely on the potentially waxing and waning emotions of another

hackett. Dark side circuit

TheKojiIsHere They link up an essentially become both generator and amplifier for each other And since both sides are aware of the transfer and letting it flow freely It's way more potent They'd be fucking unstoppable and terrifying sweet christmas TFO: sends a fleet with star destroyers and fighters aplenty towards Elias' planet Elias and Ben: link up and destroy them from the surface while the ships are still in orbit

hackett. That's messed, i dig it. They basically sound like an event horizon of power, once they link they just devour enemies with the force

TheKojiIsHere ^^^^

hackett. Like kylo ren in that resistance clip i sent is far as fuck away from his two underlings And he uses the force to make them aim at each other So thats him on his own Imagine with elias linked

TheKojiIsHere They could control the entire crew, on multiple ships Okay, so question Bc I feel like there is room for debate on this and I wonder where you stand Do you think each person like Has a set level of power in The Force that they are capable of from birth They may not be able to utilize all of it right away But there is a definitive, insurmountable cap Or do you think it's more of a soft cap that can be expanded with time and practice? Bc dif people def start off with varying levels of potency Re: the Skywalkers all being natural powerhouses But do you think that's it, or people can improve if they deign to try?

hackett. So i think its a little bit like that line from ratatouille. Anyone can use the force. Powerful force users can come from anywhere, be anyone. Even if its genetic for ben solo, doesnt mean thats how it happens for everyone. Like disney changed the canon that everyone is sensitive to the force but not everyone is force sensitive. It probably manifests in different ways. I think everyone can improve, heighten their awareness and control, but everyone has a cap. Not because theyre weak or pathetic or meagor, their strength is just elsewhere like all talents and abilities Which is why elias in any verse being able to compete with ren makes sense without it feeling like a "god mode"

TheKojiIsHere Another terrifying idea for dark verse They find the gauntlet Figure out how it's made then make their own With Empire assets Elias could have beaten TFO to Illum by decades

hackett. conduit dark siders with a pair of those gauntlets [8:14 PM]

TheKojiIsHere They turn the whole thing into a conduit over time The space weapon is them OH SHIT WHAT IF ILLUM IS THE PLANET ELIAS TOOK OVER Spent years turning it into a base/civilization

hackett. I WAS THINKING THAT like imagine just that planet becomes amp and battery pack

TheKojiIsHere And battle station/civilization And you know what? The people who live there live live well

hackett. i imagine, i don't see elias being the type to set himself to be hated by those under his indirect control but live under his influence

TheKojiIsHere Oh wow I must have pocket called you my b But yea he wouldn't be needlessly cruel

hackett. also not a fool, you don't make the people who surround you and know your home turf your enemy

TheKojiIsHere ^^^^^

hackett. leave them alone, ingratiate them at least a little bit. make their lives comfortable and protect them and they won't want a regime change

TheKojiIsHere His direct subordinates, however, he definitely rules through fear. He doesn't tolerate failure, and it's gratifying to be the punisher rather than the punished He offsets this by giving due praise to those who perform satisfactorily, and even more so exemplary

So there's a big dichotomy in treatment Ben, ofc, is judged most harshly but also performs most exceptionally In Elias' eyes

hackett. it's gonna interesting cause with snoke he gave benlo a direction and told him to find his own way there it's not the same with a dark elias, there's more expectations. more guidance. more discipline.

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scarletrebel · 6 years

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of madness and truth: the dark future details

i was going to do this in two sections cause i do wanna go through the present parts of the fic as well. mainly exactly why avia is torturing herself by wanting to see the simulation, why she decides to tell grier, and why osiris helps her. also, why osiris saw the simulation and what my perception of his opinions on toland are.

but im too excited to share all the dark future ideas i have so uhh here you go @mrpinstripesuit if you have anything to add please please go for it!!

man why do we like torturing our kids aha

(also i broke it down like, a lot a lot not to be patronising but because i didnt wanna overwhelm people with bullet points aha)

“I guess I’ll have to explain it to you, like usual,” Grier says. “Since we killed Oryx? Three years. Since you snuck into my throne world and tried to kill me? Two and a half years. Since you killed Toland and trapped yourself in the Hive Overworld? Two years.”

three years: back in ttk days, grier chose to become the taken king after they killed oryx, so the rest of the clan had to get out of dodge and leave him.

two and a half years: avia was very, very lost after that happened, and sought grier out by herself (and against the advice of literally everyone) just to talk to him. but, toland being the piece of shit he is, intercepted her and wouldn’t let them meet. then he convinced grier that she’d come to kill him and toland stopped her. avia then convinces herself that if she figures out how to kill toland, grier will be okay.

two years: in the split second after avia killed toland, in a complete panic grier trapped her in the overworld. he was the one who scratched the runes into the wall, theyre basically a strong but hurried version of the hive traps.

the scene itself, the timeline that present avia sees is set just after the events of d2, around the time the savathuns song strike would have been undertaken. it’s the first time they’ve spoken since avia killed toland, but avia knows grier was responsible for trapping her. him telling her that shes there because she killed toland is the first notion that he’s there to lie to her to get her on his side, because he’s in denial and needs to know if savathun is actually coming to the system. hes not sure he’s strong enough to take her on, so he needs avia to take on the role of toland (or something advantageous to him at least) to give him an advantage. so he lies through his teeth.

“Yes – no,” Avia retches. “The singing,” she spits. “All she does is sing and sing and I can’t take it anymore!”

“Who?” Grier asks, sharp. “Who sings, Avia?”

Avia’s mouth opens around a name, but then she stops, and lets out a dry laugh. She drops her hands and pulls her head up to look at Grier. “Oh. Oh, are you telling me you don’t know?”

“It’s nor Ir Yut,” Grier ruffles, but shakes himself and addresses her with all the manner of a teacher dealing with an uncooperative student. “She’s gone. It’s not his daughters either, and no ordinary Deathsinger on account of how far it stretches across the system. I have my suspicions but you, are the only one who knows.”

Avia pierces him with her eyes, unrelenting and patronising.

“You know,” she says. “You know who it is.”

grier is…….. fucked up. he had toland whispering in his ear that he was doing everything right and he was getting oh so powerful, whilst withholding information about whether either of the sisters would come and kill him bc its toland, all he cares about is the sword logic. if he was actually alive when they came he’d probably just watch grier die with a smile on his face.

then avia kills toland, and grier is so, so alone. all he has are the tablets of ruin, which explain the sword logic with such clarity, all the info that toland withheld from him, and he starts to get Worried. and then he hears savathuns song.

avia hears savathuns song, too. she actually started to gain control of herself in the hive overworld after she heard it. until then she was having all this information shoved into her head against her will. she knows a lot about the hive similarly to toland, because shes heard all these other songs and all this knowledge. she doesnt want to know, its far too much for her to handle, but she doesnt really have a choice.

but then savathuns song made her realise the best way to get griers attention, so she just started screaming. every now and then, the screams would affect griers throne world. and that’s when he decided to go to her, to try and manipulate her with all the tools toland had given him. he had a feeling she was transforming into something, but went into the conversation just trying to convince her that she needed to help him.

“If you’re right, if I’m a liar just like Toland was, then even if I told you how they all died on my doorstep, you wouldn’t even think I was telling the truth.” A tilt of his head, the white matted fringe dangles slightly, helplessly. “Would you?”

none of the clan are dead. the eos’s did try and get avia out after rook was patrolling the dreadnaught and heard her voice, screaming. he couldn’t convince the vanguard to deploy a mission cause there was just no proof that avia was alive after sneaking to the dreadnaught to kill toland.

carver used his Hidden talents to track her down, got as far as the room where she was but the hive were about to overrun them. carver knew that avia wouldn’t want them to die in a rescue attempt, so he gets himself and his wife and child out of there and regroups with the others. carina is mad about it, but her mum and dad aren’t giving up.

the only other member of the clan who’s seen grier is rook. after the eos’s got back, he figured fuck it and went to get avia, his heart too broken to have the same clarity that they did regarding if he died.

that part grier wasnt 100% lying about -- rook actually finds the room, and grier is waiting for him. it’s a close fight, grier gets the chance to kill rook in the end, take his ghost and crush it under his heel but. he cant. so he tells rook to run, and if he ever comes back he wont just kill him, but he’ll make avia do it. (more lies about avia not remembering who he is probably idk)

grier lying to avia about their clan mates dying isn’t something he went into the conversation knowing he’d do. he was getting pissed at her holding back info out of spite, and thanks to this little comic by pin I wanted to play with him bitterly making her more and more upset by lashing out in such a vile way. grier is a hard character to find faults for aha but his quick anger and bitterness were interesting to play with when I dialed them up to eleven.

avia’s biggest fear is getting the people she loves and cares about killed, and grier still retains enough of himself to know that. so he just kinda, finds that vein and twists and pulls at it until avia breaks down and believes that she’s all alone -- that it really is just them two now.

“I, I wouldn’t – no!” Avia yells, and the room shakes once more. Grier takes stock of it this time, his face twisting in amused curiosity as she rages on.

avia is turning into a deathsinger.

in my head her ahamkara claws loose their silver plates over time and eventually, some time after her and grier talk she hears the ahamkara/worm gods/whatever with a scary amount of clarity, amplified by the fact that shes trapped in the overworld. they just convince her that shes not a guardian anymore, that shes something better, something more powerful. she spent so long being a soldier, a fighter for a dying cause, wouldnt this be better? to forge her own path, to listen to the songs and become something greater?

eventually she’ll decide (or think that she decided) that grier’s the only person she can protect anymore, and begins to accept the transformation. she adopts the same powers, I guess, as oryxs daughters. being able to weave reality and bend it to her/griers will. she’s basically ‘griers deathsinger’. her grief and anger fuel how powerful she is.

(i love...... corruption tropes so yeah this is basically whats happening to her aha.)

its an ironic parallel also because as i said before, grier is alone with the tablets, and avia is alone with the ahamkara. but grier said it was just them. theyre both transforming and changing at the same time into things they dont necesarily want to be because they couldnt see the consequences of their actions after one decision was made. but, they do eventually come together, just them, as grier makes avia believe -- as its meant to be.

Afterwards

i like to think eventually the clan decides to take grier on together to try and save avia, but they just get taken one by one instead, basically becoming different members of griers court and only making him stronger. they’re all far, far too attached and know that theres most likely no coming back if they do this. but after the city falls, theres no better time. no vanguard to stop them, no mission protocol. they regather after ghaul attacks and all decide to strike out by themselves. but it goes horribly wrong.

avia’s full deathsinger transformation makes all of her armour look like the silver plated ahamkaras (because thats just her, in d1 they were my fave exotic and they’re very much a part of her character in that era for me) minus a helmet, and the silver is definitely more rusted. her eyes blacken over entirely and her cloak is massive and swishy and the hood almost covers her eyes, and thats in place of the skirt a deathsinger would normally have (a skirt just doesnt seem right for her aha)

avia becomes a very loyal, very cutthroat deathsinger. she’s literally at griers beck and call. like omnigul for crota, or as it said in the fic ir yut.

#jadeisadork.txt #dark future au #my ocs: avia #other ocs: grier #also ft #other ocs: carver #other ocs: rook #other ocs: cornelia #other ocs: carina #ALSO PIN I WAS LISTENING TO YOUR PLAYLIST WHILST FINISHING THIS UP #AND ITS PERFECT #THE DEATHSINGER DIRGE AT THE END MADE ME YELL IN JOY

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raahims · 7 years

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hi im mo (she/her) and the only thing on my mind right now is angel.mp3 so i dont have anything else 2 say im sorry except pre-order fifth harmony by fifth harmony o im est and 20

❝ ——･✧ ( ZAYN MALIK ) may the ark provide you a good life ( AMIR RAHIM ) ! you are now at the age of ( TWENTY-FOUR ), and identify as ( CISMALE ). around the ark you are known as the ( OVER-THINKER ), you’re a ( DETERMINED ) citizen even if you’re sometimes ( DIFFIDENT ) ! with your contribution to the ( ARROW ) station as ( A TEACHER ) we’re going to make this place a better home for us, and our future generations.

i tried for a prettier label because we love pretty words! but he’s not a ponderer or daydreamer, he’s an over-thinker

it started as him just being v curious because when you’ve got an older brother who can vividly remember leaving earth to live on a spaceship?? you’d probably hear them speaking of it and then ask questions

that stemmed into him being a very cautious person + someone who runs over a single thought until it’s flattened and can hardly even be considered a thought anymore because it takes no effort it’s more like an unconscious brain process

because of that he can convince himself of anything (works in his favor and against him)

but even when he’s not really thinking of anyThing he’s just sort of stuck in this state where he’s separated from everyone else (probably because he’s made everything become so monotonous — sort of like when youre walking somewhere you always go and then youre like wait um where am i going but turns out youre going the right way because we love muscle memory) so ! may have 2 call his name a few times

ask him why he’s a teacher and the answer can vary ?? is it because he has the patience (because that’s necessary if you’re gonna be finding the beginnings and ends of everything) or because he’s paranoid of Major Things like everyone’s home being destroyed once again but if it’s anyone who can prevent that it’s educated people and obviously that has 2 start at the root and it’s the most he can help w because he’s not Crazy Bright or he’s just good with kids !

but even though he’s in his head a lot he’s not a Reserved person in the way that he talks to no one like actually ?? he speaks because he learned how to so he knows how to talk how many of yall know how to talk! you bitches cant even spell talk

so ya if he’s comfortable he may speak too much but it’s not like “hey how are you so i was thinking about how this could all collapse right” he’s not that socially inept :/ he knows boundaries because he spends his days telling kids that there’s no relation between anything theyre learning and their mother’s affair !

he has parents who had a life on earth obvi but idk anything about that we’ll figure it out as it goes but he loves them <3 maybe

i’ll post something with a list of wc in a little bit (but if you like now im gonna assume you like something i said here and want 2 plot !)

#✩ … video mofessional ⊿#cerointro

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topsolarpanels · 7 years

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Why your adolescent thinks you’re an idiot

Emma Beddington cherishes the days when her sons watched her as a goddess. But they have entered a new phase of life in which their parents are buffoons

Do you think Im stupid? Sooner or afterwards as a parent, you will hear yourself say this. You cant used to help. The topic merely falls out of your mouth, without being consciously formulated in your brain. Its an impotent rhetorical flourish inherited from your forefathers, a piece of indignant punctuation when your child has just told you, for example, with a straight face, that they dont know where their phone is.

But of course its not rhetorical for your children and their answer is yes, they think you are stupid. Very stupid. You have reached the phase in your parenting life when your status has changed, irrevocably, from hero to tedious buffoon. Congratulations!

It has happened to me twice now. My elder son is 14; two brothers is only 12, but with the habitual precocity of second infants, he has already mastered the art of procuring me entirely idiotic. They are both in the middle of exams. I may be an inadequate human being of underwhelming professional achievements( my sons certainly think so ), but I have never met an exam I couldnt hotshot. I love exams, but my revision skills have been proclaimed redundant: I am too stupid to be trusted. I am banned from any participation in maths or science and my proffered index cards and highlighters are greeted with an enthusiasm normally reserved for my( now long retired) suggestions that we go on nice country strolls together. The elder is dodging my attempts to engage him in stimulating debate on feudalism; the younger has taken to correcting my pronunciation when I try to test him on his Chinese vocabulary, a superior smile playing around the corners of his lips.

Thwarted, I cornered the elder on the stairs this morning to give him some last minute advice. As I started to expound on my carefully sharpened technique for answering questions you havent rewritten for, my son placed his hands on my shoulders and looked at me with a remote, benign, oddly familiar expres. It was, I realised, the expres I adopt when watching videos of bumbling pandas falling out of trees on YouTube. Theyre funny for a few seconds, but basically ridiculous.

Im going now, he said, gently but securely, cutting me off in full flow. Then he patted me on both cheeks. This is my life now. I have become that bumbling panda falling out of a tree, subjected by turns to waves of sarcasm, teensplaining and condescension.

Life used to be so easy. I was an oracle. A goddess, I could conjure wonders. My infants trusted me implicitly. I only had to show them a fuzzy video clip of an owl on a skateboard, cook a lopsided Pikachu cake, or expound, sketchily, on gravity or the Vikings to be lauded a hero. Now they giggle hysterically when I try to lend some rudimentary sex education advice, deal with Scart cables or express an opinion on Syria.

I confess that a certain degree of midlife befuddlement has crept up on me of late, coinciding unhappily with the sharpening of my childrens critical faculties. Do I know what they entail when they say they need to buy more Ram or enable SLI? No. Have I really asked my younger son five times whether he has swimming tomorrow? Perhaps I cant rule it out. Recently they have derived great pleasure from repeatedly proving me a video in which you have to calculate the probability of there being a goat or a auto behind a set of three doors, which leaves me tearful with embarrassment. When their parent and I feed and drink too much, then fall asleep on the sofa in front of Britains Got Talent, waking hours later in dishevelled, drooling bafflement, it only serves to confirm their notion that we are basically Roald Dahls Twits.

As parents of bilingual infants, we are at an additional disadvantage. I sound like a simpleton speaking French, erroneously referring to Mrs Pencil Sharpener, Mr Interview and Mrs Tentacle, whereas both boys like to persuade their parent to say things like Thirsk and wide-mouthed frog, merely to mock his French accent.

Of course, we are far from alone and that is some comfort. All teens guess their parents are stupid. Its an evolutionary imperative: a cruel, but near universal one, motivating them to leave the nest and us to expel them. When my son teensplains the causes of the first world war to me( a modern history alumnu ), I recollect the conservation biologist whose son teensplained the need for renewable energy to her and her( alternative energy consultant) spouse, and another acquaintance who was treated to a lecture on menstruation from her 11 -year-old son. We are all in it together( it being the moronic soup of adulthood ), mystified and incompetent, scarcely able to operate our remote controls without assistance.

Following in the wake of generations of stupid mothers who dont get it, we embattled straws of people have gleaned a few survival strategies from our forebears. First, it is feasible to comforting to think that there may be a degree of karmic comeuppance involved: you did it to your parents and some years hence, your children will suffer in turn.

As a adolescent, I was surely convinced of my vast intellectual superiority over my mothers, Professor Beddington and Professor Baldwin, in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. My parent has a mathematical model named after him, but I expended six years believing him to be the stupidest individual ever to stroll the face of the earth. So outlandishly stupid did I believe him to be that I walked 10 paces behind him in the street, a penalty now regularly meted out to me by my own progeny. As ye sow, so shall ye reap. I look forward to watching any future grandchildren I may have trail my sons at a surly, disgusted distance.

But what, if anything, can we do about it? There are two schools of thought. The first says dont try too hard. You know how cats are attracted to the people who give them the least attention? Adolescents are basically cats( infants aged four to 10 are labradors, patently, and the under-fours are the product of some unholy union of howler monkey and honey badger ).

Do not, what it is you do, attempt to ingratiate yourself by being cool in any way. We all recollect how awful the teachers who tried to be down with the children were: dont do it. Stories of your partying or your festival-going are revolting: they do not care that you watched Radiohead in 1992 before they were famous or once shared a urinal with Bobby Gillespie. Do not say sick or fleek or similar. Plough your own austere, consistently adult furrow. My stepfather spent much of my and my sisters teenage years reading Turgenev and smoking roll-ups in the back yard: this earned him a sort of gradual, grudging respect from us. If you follow this approach religiously, you may occasionally be rewarded by a languid advance: a head laid down in your shoulder as you watch television or an off-hand request to be shown how to stimulate chocolate chip cookies or solve a quadratic equation. You may not. The key thing is not to care too much one way or the other.

Alternatively, you can prove them right. Ham it up: wear a cagoule in public, say you really love that new tune from Asos then start singing it aloud and ask them if they still like that nice Floella. Be the buffoon they think you are: theres something very restful about being viewed as little more than a ludicrous, cash-dispensing flesh marionette. After all, you cant disappoint a adolescent because they already expect the worst of you.

The thing is, I love teens mine and others. For all the contempt and the ridicule and the galling refusal to listen to my excellent advice, they are wonderful company: funny, intensely alive and explosion with ideas, the most vivid distillation of what it is to be human. I truly feel lucky merely to be around them( except when I want to kill them. Id say its 50:50 right now ).

The more I think about it, the more Im seduced to conclude that perhaps we just need to accept their verdict: we are stupid. Its their world now and we, with our climate change extinctions, homophobia and Brexit flotillas, are merely messing it up for them. My friend Barbara recently asked her teenage daughter if there was anything she could do to stem the flow of adolescent contempt coming her way. Dont be a twat, said her daughter.

Words to live by, fellow idiots.