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nsk96 · 4 months

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Personal rant

This morning the conversation came up how I’m unhappy about pharmacy school and I said “it’s too late to drop out of pharmacy school but that’s okay because I can use my pharmacist money for therapy”. And my mom was like “you don’t need therapy, all you need is god.”

I said, “I have god and I’m still going insane.” And said “I might as well keep going even if I lose my mind.”

My mom was like “well, at year one of pharmacy school I told you that you can do something else”…..so after manipulating me into going into pharmacy since 2011 back when I got to high school, you think after spending my whole time in high school (+pharmacy tech vocational program) and college working up to getting into pharmacy school, that I’ll suddenly change my mind in 2021? And she wants to say that I’m trying to blame it all on her, as if she didn’t play any part in it (after admitting not too long ago, that she chose this career path for me)

Years of blood sweat and emotional breakdowns, working towards a goal that she made me believe was the only career choice for me, that I would just suddenly change my mind? I had no other option at this point in time except to be a pharmacy tech all my life and spend my free time working a second job. Neck deep in student debt at this point, going back to college to try for a different career would have buried me. I have a bachelor’s in biology but not a useful degree for high earning unless you go to grad school.

She was like “what else did you want to do then?” I’ve told her so many times what I wanted to do. She just didn’t listen because she wanted me to do what she wanted. She didn’t listen then so I don’t know why she thinks she’ll listen now.

Sure she’ll let me talk, but then say I’m wrong and say that she knows better, but also admitted today that she knows nothing about how college works. I told her that I didn’t deserve to pass my classes in undergrad because of grade curves and homework/attendance grades literally saving me in some classes.

And she was like “you haven’t been telling me anything, all you told me is that you passed these classes.” 💀 I always told her every excruciating detail from the exams I failed, classes I had to retake, lecturers I didn’t understand, classes I was about to fail and literally told her back then whenever a homework grade or grade curve saved my overall grade. I even told her how I had difficulty focusing on studying, difficulty getting assignments done, having to pull all nighters three days straight (never went to bed), the emotional breakdowns I’ve had because the goal she had me working towards seemed so far away when ever I came close to failing a class. I told her all of this back then and continue communicating these things to her about my current experience in pharmacy school.

It’s clear that all she hears is “I passed” and everything else just goes out the window. Then she’s surprised when I talk about wanting to drop out or how my mental health has deteriorated so much because of this program and everything around me.

All she sees is that I’m getting through it but refuses to see the damage. Of course, because she doesn’t have to live through it. Doesn’t matter how much I talk about it, but yet she has the audacity to say I don’t communicate.

She has a problem when I walk away from our current conversations about these things. I only walk away now because I realize that talking no longer works.

I’m 27 now and it took the hell of pharmacy school (or at least this specific pharmacy school) for me to break free of her conditioning. Or at least some of it. I still can’t be myself around her and can’t be open about the things I know because she’s so willfully ignorant.

My mom is so bad at listening that I bet if I was to take my own life tomorrow (which I don’t want to) she would be surprised and be one of those people to say they never saw it coming and then advocate for mental health…despite the fact that I’ve been telling her for the past two years, that I wanted to see a therapist and her convincing me that I didn’t need to or that I shouldn’t see one until I get a pharmacist job. But alas, her sense of time is really bad and she’ll think it was only a few months ago. I’ve been bringing this up to her since the beginning of P2 year.

#personal #tw mom mention #pharmacy school adventures #tw suicide mention #not suicidal #tw sui talk #personal rant

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91vaults · 11 months

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I’m wondering what are peoples experience with education? specifically in regards to streaming or segregation (especially if you went to school in Australia)

I think a lot about this topic. I’ve always think the problem is the thing that isn’t talked about is the dissonance between what something should do in theory and how it plays out in real life

in systems that stream kids early the idea is that they can learn at their own pace which is good, but is the reality that your basically stuck there for the rest of you’re schooling? and so your opportunitys later in life are affected at such an early age. And who does that affect most? disadvantaged kids

not to mention the feedback loop of self perception. If kids get the message they can’t do something then they are going to check out.

My own experience wasn’t that dramatic. We didn’t have streaming early on BUT it wasn’t until i went to a fancy private school for high school that things took a turn. (this is just gonna be self indulgent trauma dumping from this point lol)

it might be different now but at the time you had your first 3 years of highscool then your last two years were spent getting what they call an ATAR which is a score out of 100 that determines your university entrance

Now i would be curious if this is more common in private schools than public schools but ATAR results are public and often used as a measure of a schools “quality” not to mention a selling point of schools…especially private schools

So that leads us to this situation. My school did exams in year 10 and probably before that, these exams determined which subjects we were “recommended” i don’t know how this compares other schools

I did poorly in those exams for reason both my fault and out of my control. So I was “not recommend” to sit the exams for uni entrance. What devastated me so much was it was the exact kick up the ass i needed yet I would never have the chance to turn things around. It really was a gut punch

The same thing happened to the daughter of a lady from work shortly after i left school, so she pulled her out of the (fancy private) school and enrolled her in a public one.

I did their vocational track, I am very fuzzy on the details so if i had a plan in mind I might have gotten more out of it but i had no plan because my self perception was shattered and i didn’t know what i wanted to do. The track was just work experince, and work experince sucks, and it sucks for somone who has very bad anxiety and poor social skills. I longed to be back in the classroom.

I don’t want to trash vocational routes or vocational education/training. The best people at my work who can run circles around me do not have degrees. There are many great careers out there and university degrees are probably overrated

that said I don’t think the vocational track really worked for me. I left school depressed and with nothing to show for it. I was totally checked out for the last two years and didn’t care, and still feel bad about the money my parents wasted in school fees, i really wish i had just gotten the fuck out of there and done proper cert, it was even suggested to me but the prospect of not even finishing school was too much to bear.

I know it’s kind of a moot point cause in Aus we have a lot of alerterante pathways to university and i even took one out of school and failed out of a semester of uni (for personal reasons not related to acedemics) but on some level it really affected me, especially after dropping out

I now have a bachelors and work in a well respected feild. I work with people from all kinds of backgrounds so i think i’ve pretty much out all that insecurities to rest

I just think schools should listen to what the students goals are and not shove people aside in the name of test scores. It’s not that Vocational tracks are bad, i think they are good and have a lot of undeserved stigma. But I think people have choices and not have those choices yanked away so early in life.

#school #education #neurodivergent #neurodivergent education #higher education #university #college #high school #vocational #Australian education #australian education system #australia #private schools #public schools #private school #catholic school

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ukbeautys-blog · 3 months

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Uk International is the best beauty academy in Noida. Can you provide the best barber course near me. We are the best barber course providers, and we provide you with all the different types of courses, such as cosmetology courses, haircuts, chemical makeup courses, and many more. We provide you with 100% job assistance, and we are the one where the skill meets the expertise. We provide you with the best knowledge and make you the best artist in this field. We run on the latest modules to provide you with the best quality education. We are the best British school in Noida, Ghaziabad, and Delhi, and we have the best faculty on campus across India. Join us fast for your makeup, hairstyling, cosmetology, nail art, and booster skills and become a certified beautician and makeup artist. We are best at creating experts.

#beauty #hairstyle #cosmetology #professionalgrowth #best beauty academy #best beauty school in noida #makeup

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this-barbie-is-a-blogger · 11 months

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Memory Log #8:

A Barbie's Guide to Career Planning

“Fight For My Way"

In Barbie's world where women can be anything, one's job is assumed to be what she also enjoyed doing. It's what she has been preparing for years after all. Her daily problem revolves around solving certain issues that arise in her job. However, this doesn't apply in the real world. There exists a difference between doing what you are passionate about and having a job that provides your necessities. What you've been studying for years in an institution, might not be used at all once you get a job that doesn't align with it. The reality of this country is that job mismatch and unemployment are two things that happen so often that it's making this Barbie anxious about her future (Melchor, 2022).

The next chapter for students after schooling is to be reintegrated back to the society. They are expected to work to contribute to the economy. All the knowledge and skills honed through the years are expected to be utilized in their chosen career paths. Thus, it is important for an individual to have career planning early on in his/her life. Well, what are the steps in career planning?

Self-awareness. One must start with identifying his/her strengths and weaknesses. This can help him/her visualize what career track is appropriate for his/her skill set. I know I'm good at understanding and memorizing scientific theories, and I really enjoy artistic expression through theater, writing and drawing. I'm also aware that I’m bad at solving math problems. Thus, it should be logical for me to pursue a degree program that doesn't involve a lot of Math courses.

Opportunity Awareness. Once you have identified where you are inclined to, the next step is to fit in your interests to a career path available. This may involve a lot of research since some career choices might not be available in your locality. Some degree programs are also quite expensive so in this part, one might consider looking into the possible scholarships for the desired degree program. I have always known I enjoy performing in front of a big crowd and I would probably pursue a degree program in theater arts given the opportunity. But there was no such degree program existing in my province thus I settled with a degree program leaning to sciences, a course that focuses on improving the quality and safety of our food.

Decision Making. Now that you know your choices, it’s time to set your goals. Decide on the career path that best fits your skills and interests. One must weigh the pros and cons of all the jobs he/she has listed. The financial factor may also be considered but it is advisable that this is the leading motivation as one might be led to picking a job that will bring unhappiness and discontentment in the long run. Sadly at this stage, this is where vocation and career becomes so defined and may start to diverge. Oftentimes, vocational courses are costly yet due to low demand, they are low-paying as well.

Taking Action. It’s time to make a plan that consists of writing your goal, that is, to get your desired career followed by the actions you will need towards the goal. It is important to lay down here the important institutions or people to tap that will aid in your journey to achieving your career.

The off stage of being a student is near for this graduating Barbie and I sometimes wonder, what would it be like in the real world? All I know is that it’s a lot harsher, and less forgiving than the institution I’ve been for almost 16 years of my life. I’m still not confident enough to be reintegrated into the society nor in finding a job that will sustain me and my family. I’m fully aware that the system won’t adjust to my principles at all. I’m afraid that I just blend in and obey rather than stand firm on what I believe in. Change is truly inevitable and the uncertainty it brings worries me a lot but this Barbie has no other choice but to face it all head on. All I’m equipped with is my resilience and confidence that I hope will not be drowned by the cruelty of society.

I hope you’ll cheer me on for the next chapter of my Barbie life.

See yah!

Get motivated with these:

References:

Melchor, M. (2022). Surveying the Extent and Wage Consequences of Education-Job Mismatches in the Philippine Labor Market. Philippine Journal of Development, 46(1).

#spotify #Module_8 #career #life goals #legally blonde

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careerprogram · 1 year

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Want to Help People in Distress? Consider a Career in Counselling!

If you’re thinking of becoming a counsellor, but just don’t have a clue on how to go about it, then fear not! You are at the right place.

Being a practising counsellor myself, I have been through the same stage where I was interested in the thought of a career in counselling, but wasn’t sure if it was meant for me or not.

I was very passionate about helping people and encouraging them to find paths to make positive changes in their lives. With time I realised that this is something that aligns with my expectations from life. I then took a decision of pursuing it further as my career, and I am happy to say that I am continuously growing in this field.

That’s why today I want to help you find a similar clarity too.

To start off, here are a few questions that may help you understand if you are heading in the right direction or not:

Do you enjoy helping people?

Do you want to have a positive impact on people’s lives?

Do you enjoy spending time with people and helping them talk about their feelings?

If you answered ‘yes’ to all three questions, then counselling may just be your true calling. However, there is a lot to consider before you take that plunge.

Who is a Counsellor?

A counsellor is someone who helps people in need by providing them with support when they experience emotional difficulties and guides people on personal, career, lifestyle, and relationship issues.

A counsellor:

Works with individuals and groups to improve their mental health and well-being.

Helps clients define goals, plan actions and gain insights.

Develops pathways to the goal with different alternatives.

Acts as a facilitator to reach goals.

Takes care of holistic (mind and body) health.

Different Types of Counsellors

A counsellor supports and guides clients with issues, which can arise in any sphere of their lives. As a result, a counsellor can don many hats and work in many different domains. Here are the 4 most common types of counsellors.

1. School Counsellor

School counsellors work at the school level (usually as an in-house counsellor) and help students to deal with social, behavioural, personal and academic problems that arise at this crucial stage of their lives.

2. Rehabilitation Counsellor

Rehabilitation counsellors help people deal with the personal, social, and vocational effects of disabilities. They help people with both physical and emotional disabilities caused by birth defects, illness or disease, accidents, and other causes.

3. Mental Health Counsellor

Mental health counsellors address and treat mental and emotional disorders. They use therapeutic techniques to deal with issues such as depression, anxiety, addiction, suicidal impulses, stress, trauma, low self-esteem, grief, etc.

4. Career Counsellor

Career counsellors (like me) help high school students, college students and working professionals to find direction in their career and resolve career-related issues. They help people to know and understand themselves to make career, educational, and life decisions.

How to Become a Counsellor in India

Now that you are clearer on what counselling actually is, let’s get to the main point: how do you become one?

Step 1: Opt for any Stream with Psychology in Class 12th

You can hail from any stream in class 12th, however, you should keep Psychology in your list of subjects (not mandatory). ThePCB streammay also give you some advantage when dealing with the physiological and neurological aspects of Psychology.

Step 2: Pursue B.A/B.Sc in Psychology or Applied Psychology for 3 years

The next step in your journey is to take up Psychology for your undergraduation.

Knowledge of areas like general psychology, abnormal psychology, counselling psychology, personality psychology and statistics is useful for a career in counselling. You should also aim to do as many internships in the domain of counselling to get hands-on experience while witnessing the daily job roles of a counsellor.

It will additionally demonstrate dedication to the profession and potentially put you in contact with professionals who can help you in gaining skills.

Some leading colleges to pursue B.A /B.Sc. in Psychology/Applied psychology in India:

Delhi University, New Delhi

Jamia Milia Islamia, New Delhi

Ambedkar University, New Delhi

Panjab University, Chandigarh

Banaras Hindu University, Varanasi

Aligarh Muslim University, Aligarh

Fergusson College, Pune

Christ University, Bangalore

Step 3: Pursue M.A/M.Sc in Counselling Psychology/Psychology/Applied Psychology for 2 years

To gain the practical knowledge of your field, and to specialise in counselling, you’ll need a master’s degree. You will study about counselling theories, social and cultural diversity issues in counselling, career development and counselling, research methods and much more. You’ll also complete internships and dissertation work to meet the criteria to receive the degree.

Admission to the various colleges will be through entrance exams or your marks in graduation along with the interview. Many institutes let you take up psychology for your master’s even if you have not studied it at the undergraduate level.

Some leading colleges to pursue M.A / M.Sc. in Psychology/Counselling Psychology in India:

Delhi University, New Delhi

Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Mumbai

Ambedkar University, New Delhi

Jamia Milia Islamia, New Delhi

Christ University, Bengaluru

Ashoka University, Sonepat

Panjab University, Chandigarh

Banaras Hindu University, Varanasi

Aligarh Muslim University, Aligarh

Fergusson College, Pune

4. Pursue a PG Diploma in Guidance and Counselling for 1 year (Optional Step)

An additional step you can take to actually double down on your counselling skills is to do a 1-year diploma in guidance and counselling. Numerous institutes offer this course, to help you hone your counselling skills and gain practical knowledge and certification in counselling.

Such diploma courses are particularly relevant for people who do not hold a master’s in psychology, yet want to build their career in counselling. Try to ensure that the course you pursue is recognised by the Rehabilitation Council of India (RCI).

A few institutes offering PG Diploma in Guidance and Counselling include:

Delhi University, Delhi

Jamia Milia Islamia, New Delhi

National Council of Educational Research and Training (NCERT), New Delhi

National Institute of Public Cooperation and Child Development, New Delhi

CVM Institute of Human Resource Development, Gujarat

Maharshi Dayanand University, Rohtak

SGT University, Gurgaon

Note –We are discussing the most recommended path to become a counsellor. You may choose not to go this way. For example, many people alternatively pursue a Master’s in Social Work to enter the field of counselling (esp. by following it up with a PG diploma in counselling).

However, at least one degree in Psychology is highly recommended, since it helps you understand the intricacies of the human mind, and enables you to better face the challenges of the field.

How to Become a Career Counsellor in India

Career counselling is something other than simply settling on a major and what work you need to get after one graduates. Since career keeps developing over one’s lifetime, career counselling too is a multi-step, deep-rooted process, helping people make career and life choices.

The objective of career counselling is not just to enable one to settle on the choices they have to make presently, but to give them the information and abilities to settle on future career and life choices as well.

To start practising as a career counsellor, you’ll need to follow the same pathway as I mentioned above, and get as much practical exposure to career counselling as possible, through relevant internships. Additionally, you can get certification courses in career counselling to enhance your skills, such as the International Certified Career Coach (ICCC) programby Mindler and Career Development Alliance (CDA).

Scope of Counselling in India

Gone are those days when people used to approach their elders for guidance in each and every phase of life. Due to changes in our lifestyle, society and families, individuals are increasingly facing the need to get guidance and support at different phases in their lives. As a result, the scope of counselling in India is also increasing exponentially.

After completing your post-graduation, a few of the areas you can work in include:

Schools, colleges, and other educational institutes

Psychological counselling centres

Marriage and relationship counselling agencies

Organisations and workplaces

Summing Up

In addition to the basic degree requirements, you’ll also need to possess certain personal qualities such as empathy, interpersonal skills, patience, resilience, good listening and communication skills, and above all, immense passion to do good for others.

So if you have decided that you want to build your career in this field, step forward and be the person people can turn to in times of trouble. All the best!

Need career counselling after 10th then connect with Mindler.

#career counselling after 10th #career in counselling

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sir-camelot · 3 years

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Was reminiscing recently on my time as an artist on Tumblr and in the WoW and FFXIV communities. I started out on Tumblr in May of 2015, that’s when my first posts dropped and it was as an RP account. It was only a few months later I got tendonitis from my work and was terrified of losing all hand usage. That’s when I changed my account to Celestial-Petal and I quit my job and pursued my dream.

Those first few months were rough, but I did my best to keep my chin up. I built a base of followers through Throwback Thursdays (where I redrew an old piece from my Deviantart) and Fan Art Fridays (where people could submit their characters and I would sketch them). I hosted frequent streams and also hung out in many other artists’ streams and asked them questions or watched their technique. My skill skyrocketed in that first year and if you really page way back in my art tag you can see it.

It was exciting and I was really happy and I absolutely adored how thrilled people were to get a piece from me, gifted or commissioned. Every time I saw someone change their icon or avatar to one of my pieces I felt several weeks added to my life. Even today when I see my friends or partners still using my art it makes me smile.

I consider myself incredibly lucky to have received such a positive and friendly fan base, not every artist is so blessed. And I think reaching 1,000 followers on Tumblr in its heyday was a great accomplishment not only for my skill level but for the fact I very rarely did fan art of popular game or movie characters.

Oh man and the Christmas Streams. I love doing those and will hopefully continue doing those ad infinitum. I remember the first one being a sketch stream, but I really enjoy doing the little emojis I’ve done the past few years.

When I came out as trans I received nothing but love and support. The messages I got about my fursona when I created him were incredibly sweet and made me feel all the better for finally having settled on a design. I can’t even begin to tell you all how much it meant to me. And the Christmas Stream that year had so many trans folk in it and so much support for me, for each other, just for everyone and it was overwhelming in the best of ways.

I will likely never do art professionally again... and I know that in a way that’s a bit sad. I pursued my dream and I burned bright before burning out, and that’s okay. I found my limits and I learned that turning the thing I loved most into something I try to profit from wasn’t for me. I tried and really that’s what matters. If I hadn’t tried I wouldn’t have progressed like I did, I wouldn’t have learned so much about art or myself. There would be great big gaps in my life where lessons learned and commissioners turned friends are now.

Consider this my open love letter to you all and all the joy you’ve brought me in the years that I worked and learned and thrived in communities full of so many wonderful people. These are memories I will hold onto for the rest of my life and look on with fondness.

#camelot chatters #not art #and this isn't to say I'm quitting art as a whole #I'll still do personal art #but my goal now is to get into vocational school and get into a career #and do art just as a hobby

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yuraimi-lee-bunny · 3 years

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Gray’s Character Analysis Part II. Empathy vs Ambition

Hello! Sorry if it took me a while to show the next part of my Gray’s analysis, but this part was a bit difficult for me especially in what order I should give it. You'll see what I mean as soon as you read. This part is going to be a little longer than the previous one and will explain some issues not only about Gray, but also about Carmen and VILE in general.

Thank you very much for the support of the previous analysis and I hope you like this too! Here we go!

As we already know, Gray is an orphan. And yes, it’s important to understand certain behaviors and ways of thinking about him. First, I want to explain a small detail of Black Sheep/Carmen so that Gray's decisions are understood in greater depth once he’s in VILE and his ease of trying to go far (and even the position of almost all VILE agents would also be understood usually)

Why does Carmen think and feel different compared to all VILE and especially Gray?

Simple: Empathy.

Now, it doesn't mean that Carmen is the only one who has empathy and others don't. Rather, Carmen's level of empathy is greater, deeper and broader. What caused it? Living in VILE was the first.

Yes, surprisingly it was that, VILE created her own "enemy" since they decided to give her a home on the former Island of VILE when she was a pretty baby. From the first episode, Carmen relates how stealing was a game for her and VILE Faculty was like her family in some way, especially Coach Brunt because her relationship was "mother/daughter." The other members of the faculty treated her well, they taught her the culture of thier countries and around the world, they gave her food and clothing, a large home, basic education and also living with many VILE students. But Black Sheep only knew the "basics" about VILE, because she lived with the belief that they only taught to steal all over the world, just a "the game of cat and mouse" but it didn't harm anyone, or so she believed.

Another very important factor helped Black Sheep's empathy to expand: Player. That's right, our little favorite hacker was very influential on her. First, because he was the first person she met, empathized and talked about her life outside of VILE. Black Sheep always wanted to know the world outside the island, and Player was his first contact outside the world, and a white hat hacker, his abilities used for good. Black Sheep never saw that as something bad or like a "enemy". On the contrary, he was her friend and appreciated him very much.

Last important factor: The archaeologist's words:

Black Sheep, the one who didn’t know anything about her roots, about her family, thought about how she wouldn’t like someone or an entire country and it’s people to live the same as her: not to know a part of her life. These factors caused that Black Sheep's empathy was different from that of VILE and her agents.

The other agents, although we don’t know their lives completely, the fact that we know that they’re orphans is enough to give us a glimpse that their lives haven’t been easy. The reasons why one can be orphaned are many, which can lead to sad experiences, hard, full of pain, others not of course, but being an orphan is to carry a great mark on your life. And in the end one must survive and get what he needs by his own hands if you are alone. But maybe have a brother, have a life partner, in these cases a brother/sister, can change everything, because you no longer feel alone in life, and you can create a bond of empathy, like Zach and Ivy. Or maybe not, like Shadowsan and his brother.

Sorry if it seems that I'm moving away from Gray, but I need you to understand how the VILE agents don't have a great connection and their empathy is lower because they don't know (or perhaps they do and not having good consequences) about their roots. To experience rejection more than once and for years. Of not having had a "family" or person to help them connect with the world and thereby seek and understand other people. Perhaps most of them had to survive alone. Or they got together with people of bad influences as seen with Shadowsan. They didn't have or lived the points that I mentioned about Carmen, or maybe they did, and even so they wanted to steal for mere enjoyment and get money easily. Everything is possible.

The fact that the faculty recruits students over 16 (it seems that it's from the age of 20 or is an approximate) is a great plan because it's 20 years of a habit of only trusting you, seeing for you and stealing for you, there comes a point where you live it with more enjoyment/play than just "surviving". A "vocational school" will provide you with a home, food, appreciate you for your stealing skills, without being without any communication, living for a year on an island, with people who have in common being an orphan and stealing, feeding your enjoyment of theft , that the faculty helps you find and develop skills to achieve a successful robbery, continuing to see it as a game and now see it in a professional way, which will make you survive forever, generates the idea that “it's okay to do it ”And you do it together like a family.

Graham and Black Sheep understood each other very easily and enjoyed spending time together most of the time. Antonio, Jean Paul and Sheena also considered them his friends, but not as close as Black Sheep. They communicated just by looking at each other, they understood each other easily, and they covered their backs. How to forget when as long as they didn't expel Black Sheep, Graham lied to the Faculty. He reassured her as long as he trusted that he would pass the exam and graduate from her. He felt very bad to realized that they wouldn’t graduate together. Gray somehow began to develop an empathy for Black Sheep. In the book he mentions to Black Sheep in detention:

“I know they say there is no loyalty between thieves, but we’re in this together right? I have always taken care of you”

Which shows that he appreciated her a lot, but being on the island and under their ideals, made him think that everything was to be in a “family”, everything was loyalty, he didn't realize it could be more than loyalty, but appreciation, the beginning of great empathy. He really knew her very well, her goals, her desire to be the best thief and always improve herself. He knew Black Sheep, but not the factors that would make her Carmen Sandiego.

The next thing I will say is more of a theory/assumption, not a fact: As I mentioned in the previous analysis, Gray is someone who wants to be successful, he's always going to prove it to himself and will give everything to achieve it. Being an orphan, perhaps he has affected him in some way, that at some point in his life he decided to just see for himself and show that he can be successful and that nothing would stop him. He's ambitious. But when he met Black Sheep, his empathy grew more, however, a “struggle” began within him between his ambition and his love for Black Sheep, a person outside his life, but who has lived with her so much that your appreciation is big. A fight, of which, throughout the whole series, Gray will never be aware, but with acts it is always demonstrated.

There is a sentence from him in the second episode that I always found very curious:

This is cute and talks about how much he appreciates Black Sheep to mention her well-being first.

"Criminal Career" Do you realize how much Crackle has thought about it? He doesn't see being in VILE as a game or something. He sees it as a "Career". Something tells me that if it were up to him, he would have set his sights on a position at the faculty. That he would be willing to do anything to achieve it.

At least as far as I'm concerned, Crackle wasn't going to kill the archaeologist because he's evil, or because he doesn't have absolute empathy, it's because he always tests himself to achieve his goals, for him, to start with his criminal career, was to abide by ALL the rules of VILE. He somehow affirms it:

Did he want to be successful? Did he want to have a great criminal career? He had to do EVERYTHING.

BUT!

His empathy reminder was there

and was still there

This, this expression says it all (This expression was the one that convinced me that Crackle wasn’t bad at all and from then on no one moved me from that belief). Deep down, Crackle wasn't so convinced of going that far either. Something in him, the empathy in him spoke and made him feel that such acts were too much for him. Carmen's words reached him. Deep down, he felt she was right. But what could he do? Although he listened to all of Carmen's story, even his ambition and all that year in VILE resonated more with him. Because he hasn’t lived experiences of strong empathy as Carmen already lived.

His goals are very big, he commits himself to them at any cost. But there is also still a place for her in his heart. Unfortunately, we don’t know in detail (or rather nothing) of how he reacted when Black Sheep managed to escape from VILE. But when he and Carmen Sandiego meet on the train, he asks so many questions because he doesn't understand what led her to do all this. As I said before: he didn’t know the factors that I mentioned at the beginning, and there was no time for them to talk about it. He no longer recognizes her, he only has his memories of Black Sheep and of course he misses her, but he doesn't understand that she is no longer Black Sheep, she is Carmen Sandiego:

He told her that because he believed that she was still thinking like Black Sheep, but no more.

I always liked this scene because it shows how Carmen is in the light and Gray is in the dark.

I can only say that he didn’t want to do it, he only did on VILE's orders, because of his ambition that he was almost going too far. But deep down he didn't want to, if only there was a proof… oh, yes there is, but this is not the time to move on to it ;D

In the end and as we know, Carmen defeats Crackle and she uses him to distract Devineaux. This is caught by the police, VILE saves him, and he "regrets" not having caught Carmen (he’s relieved that he had not killed her rather. Crackle NEVER wanted to.)

BUT

VILE can accept failures, but not be trapped by the Law.

So Crackle, since you've lived so many years for your goals and ambitions, let's see what happens to live as little as 18 months with just pure empathy.

It would be all with this part! Geez, I feel that I wrote a lot but it was necessary to tell all this! Believe me that doing this is making me better connect my ideas and understand better to Gray. I hope it’s also helping you, you like it and it makes you reflect. I want to know what they think and if they have any other points of view. I love talking about analysis with more people. The next part for sure will be shorter, but still very important, it’s the safest that if they have it in two days. Greetings!

Part. I Introdution

Part. II Empathy vs Ambition (HERE)

Part. III Amnesia and it’s Future Consequences

Part. III.5 Graham Calloway: The Walking Enigma

Part. IV Integrity At a high (and unfair) price

Part. V The final decision and a new beginning

Plus 1. Gray and his strange habit of explaining things

Plus 2. Crossover: Sabrina And Gray: New Beginning

Plus 3. Crossover: Hawk/Eli and Crackle/Gray: Redemption

#carmen sandiego #graham calloway #carmen sandiego netflix #graham crackle #carmen sandiego 2019 #VILE #crackle #gray #graham #eve's analysis

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uncloseted · 3 years

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Hey! I’m the anon (and also Gay!Bama anon) who sent the asks about BPD and being rejected by that closeted guy. I guess the reason I think I have BPD is because I’m in my 20’s now, and I just have issues with perceived rejection for whatever reason. Anytime someone rejects me or something, I get really depressed and question myself a lot, or I question my worth, and it’s over things that should not be a big deal, but to me they feel like the end of the world. It’s like I have no emotional skin, if that makes sense, so everything hurts more than it would someone who is normal. It’s just so hard sometimes. I get so emotional or upset over things that there’s no need in being that upset over. I just wish I could change it, but I can’t. I feel like I’ve destroyed a lot of potential relationships and also friendships by overreacting and it makes me feel so crazy. (1/2)

(2/3) (Gay!Bama anon) I think it might be because my Dad and me always had a difficult relationship, and now that he’s gone things are really more difficult than before. I started going back to therapy and I’m about to go back to school to finish up my degree, but I just wish I could manage these feelings better. The only way I have been able to deal with them is by either numbing them with alcohol, drugs, or fulfilling them with anonymous encounters, or just cutting myself off from other people, so that way I have nothing to react to. It just really sucks because I’m so lonely all the time, but I don’t know what else to do about it other than that. I used to self harm to help me cope with my feelings, because then I could hurt myself and not hurt the people in my life by lashing out over trivial things, like irrelevant rejection or changing plans. It feels like every small thing is a seed, from which sprouts a tree of paranoia and depression.

(3/3) (Gay!Bama anon) I also have had such a hard time trying to figure out my plans for a career and goals because I’m always switching them up, because one personality trait might take the forefront, but then that could change and that influences how I feel about something or what I want to do. I just wish I could turn all of these feelings off for a while, or something, and just be like calm or something.

Hi Gay!Bama anon! Always happy to see you in my inbox, although I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling. The fact that I know it’s you and I know you’re in your 20s changes my answer slightly.

There are a number of symptoms that need to be present to be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder; rejection sensitivity is definitely one of them, but not the only one. The DSM-5 requires five or more of the following symptoms for a BPD diagnosis:

Chronic feelings of emptiness

Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days. Generally, these are out of proportion to the event that triggered them)

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment (e.g., calling a friend/partner/family member several times a day during working hours and getting upset when they don’t answer)

Identity disturbance with markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self (e.g., frequently and suddenly changing goals, beliefs, vocational aspirations, and sexual identity, or assuming the identity of people they’re close to)

Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, gambling, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating, committing crimes)

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

Pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation (also known as "splitting"- basically, thinking a person is the best person ever, the love of your life, your best friend, someone with no faults, and then switching to thinking the person is the worst person ever, who has never cared about you, who has no redeeming qualities. This typically results in alternating between over-involvement with the person and withdrawal from the person)

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behavior

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms (typically only lasting hours or days, and triggered by an external stressor. Dissociative symptoms may include feeling like your body is unreal or altered in a strange way, feeling that the outside world is unreal, and illusions).

People with BPD will also typically have a compromised ability to recognize the feelings and needs of other people, and have intense, unstable, and conflicted relationships that are marked by mistrust and neediness. It’s also important that these symptoms have persisted over time and across different situations.

If that doesn’t resonate with you, there are a number of other different conditions that result in being particularly sensitive to rejection, including social anxiety, depression, generalized anxiety, ADD/ADHD, eating disorders, and childhood trauma are just a few things that could cause a fear of rejection. I would talk to your therapist about this symptom and ask for help coming up with some coping mechanisms.

If all of that does sound like you, I would talk to your therapist about a possible BPD diagnosis and potentially a referral to a therapist who specializes in dialectical behavioral therapy. DBT is the most studied and effective treatment for BPD, so it’s a good place to start if that is what you’re struggling with. In the meantime, you can learn the principles of DBT on your own and try to begin applying them to your life.

DBT combines mindfulness with techniques for distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. Having a therapist and attend group therapy sessions are an important part of a full course DBT. However, there are several exercises you can try at home:

Keeping a Diary

One of the easiest things you can do at home is to start tracking your behaviors. Note any self-injurious or life threatening behaviors, behaviors which indirectly cause harm to yourself or others, and quality of life issues. Write down any triggers you’ve noticed.

Mindfulness

There are a few different types of mindfulness exercises you can try. Since you mentioned that you want to be able to turn your feelings off, trying meditation might be a good place to start. There are some good apps, like Headspace and Calm, that can help you learn how to meditate and encourage you to practice meditation, and there are also a ton of videos on YouTube that do the same.

DBT encourages the concept of “radical acceptance”- the idea that one should face situations, both positive and negative, without any judgement. Try to let go of fighting reality and accept a situation for what it is. When you’ve accepted a situation, then you can figure out how to change it.

You can also try using “what” skills when practicing mindfulness; these are observe, describe, and participate. They’re “what” you do when you’re practicing mindfulness. Nonjudgementally paying attention to the present moment is an important component of DBT, so the first thing you can do is observe. Try to nonjudgementally observe your environment within and outside of yourself. Notice the feelings you’re experiencing, and then try to let slide off of your mind. Next, describe: express what you observed, either to someone around you or to yourself. Try to use your five senses to put words to what you’re observing. What can you see? Hear? Smell? Taste? Feel? Finally, participate: try your best to be fully focused on and involved in any activity that you’re doing. When your mind wanders, gently pull it back to the task you’re currently doing.

Distress Tolerance

One of the goals of DBT is to help people develop the ability to calmly recognize negative situations and decide if and how to address them. It’s important to learn how to be distressed without becoming overwhelmed or hiding from that feeling.

TIPP is one of the fastest and most popular distress tolerance skills, since it alleviates distress quickly. Tip the temperature of your face by splashing it with very cold water, intensely exercise for 20 minutes, do paced breathing- breathe in for four seconds and our for six to eight seconds, and then do progressive muscle relaxation- starting from the top of your body, tense and relax each muscle group until you get to your toes.

You can also distract yourself from unpleasant emotions using ACCEPTS. Engage in activities that you enjoy, contribute by helping others, compare yourself to people who are less fortunate or how you used to be when you were in a worse state, evoke a different emotion by putting on a happy song or watching a comedy special, push away your situation in your mind, and put something else first by thinking about something else, and finally, create sensations that are intense, such as holding an ice cube or eating spicy food.

Another thing you can try when you’re in distress is to IMPROVE the moment. Imagine relaxing scenes, things going well, or other pleasing scenarios, find meaning in what you’re feeling, pray, if you’re religious, relax your muscles using the progressive muscle relaxation we talked about above, do one thing at a time, and focus all your attention on it, vacation if you can (by taking a break from the situation), and encourage yourself. Tell yourself it’s possible to make it through your current situation and cope with it. You can be your own best cheerleader.

Emotional Regulation

Since people who have BPD frequently have intense emotions, it can be helpful to learn how to regulate those emotions.

First, try identifying and labeling your emotions. Tune in with yourself and ask yourself what you’re feeling. Is it anger? Fear? Sadness? Then, you can try to change unwanted emotions using opposite-reactions. With opposite-reactions, you do the opposite of the urge you’re feeling in the moment. For example, if you want to isolate yourself, instead, reach out to a friend.

Fact-checking is also an important technique- ask yourself, “do the facts warrant the intensity of the response I’m feeling?” Then ask yourself, “what is the event prompting my emotion,” “what are my interpretations and assumptions about the event, and are those true?”, “am I assuming a threat? How likely is it to actually occur?”, “what’s the disaster? How can I cope well with it?”, and “does my emotion or intensity fit the facts?” There’s a sample fact-checking worksheet that you can find here: http://edencounseling.com/resources/dbt-emotional-regulation-group-4-handouts.pdf

If your facts are correct and the situation is the problem, then you can problem solve. First, identify your goal in solving the problem- what needs to happen for you to be okay, and what’s reasonable? Then, brainstorm as many solutions as you can come up with, without being critical of your ideas. Choose a solution that fits your goal and is likely to work, using a pro/con list to decide if necessary. Act on your decision, and then evaluate if it worked. If it didn’t work, go back to the “choose” stage and pick a different solution to try.

Interpersonal Effectiveness

Interpersonal relationships can be difficult for people with DBT, so it’s important to learn how to ask for what you need, how to say no, and how to cope with interpersonal conflicts. There are three techniques in this module: DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST.

The DEAR MAN technique focuses on conveying your needs to someone else. Start by describing your situation using specific, fact-based statements about a recent situation. Then express the emotions experienced when the situation occurred, why the situation was a problem, and how you feel about it. Assert yourself by clearly and specifically requesting the behavior change you would like. Reinforce your position by explaining to the person what the positive impacts of changing their behavior might be for them. Mindfully focus on the situation, without seeking validation, and redirect the conversation back to your main point when it seems to be diverting. Appear confident and assertive, even if you’re not feeling confident or assertive. Finally, negotiate with the person to come to a compromise that both parties are happy with.

The GIVE tool focuses on relationship maintenance, whether that’s with friends, family, co-workers, or romantic partners. It is used in conversations. Use gentle language, free of put-downs, sarcasm, or judgement, even as a joke. Be as interested as you can in what the other person is saying. Give them your undivided attention by making eye contact and asking questions. Really listen to them, don’t just wait your turn to talk. Validate their situation, either through words, body language, or facial expressions. Often, people just want to be heard and for someone to understand what they’re going through. Finally, try to adopt an easy manner: do your best to appear calm and comfortable during the conversation. Use friendly humor and smile.

The FAST skill focuses on maintaining your self-respect. Be fair to yourself and to the person you’re talking to. Don’t apologize more than once, and only apologize for things that are your fault. Stick to your values- determine what you believe and stand by it, without letting other people sway your decisions. Lastly, be truthful. Lying can only damage relationships and reduce the respect you have for yourself.

I know that’s a ton of stuff I’ve just thrown at you, so if you’re still with me, thank you! You don’t have to adopt all of these skills at once or even at all. Getting good at just one or two of them will improve your life. A therapist will be able to help you practice these different skills so that when you need them, they’re already in your mind. Good luck! I hope you get the support you need and that things start looking up for you soon.

#DBT #borderline personality disorder #BPD #dialectical behavioral therapy #Anonymous #effys-closet #effys closet

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kerice · 3 years

Text

Painful Memories...

I came across some old photos. Some of my wedding. I can look at these pictures now with less emotion. There is sadness but I really can’t identify with that person in the photo anymore. Does this mean I have detached myself? I remember being there. Have I healed from the wounds that are still painful to mention? This day, more than 17 years ago, was a start of a major trial in my life. Having the courage to work through the pain of recovery has helped give me the drive and tenacity to overcome financial debt and to succeed in school.

My academic journey started back in 1996, academic achievement did not come easy to me in high school, but I wanted to get a good job, so a few years after high school I started classes at Seattle Central College, in Seattle Washington. I then had a child at age 25 and I became a single mom. I am always inspired by women who say that without hesitation, trepidation or feeling less than women who have a partner. When my son was about three years old, I transferred to Bellevue College. They had a work study program where I could work at the school daycare (where my son was) and also work on my career goals, while having my son close. Due to the early birth of my second son on Nov. 27th, I was unable to finish my last two weeks of course work in the fall of 2003. As a result, I received a failed grade in my personal enrichment courses of French 201 and Algebra II. However my GPA for my science classes were within the range they needed to be. But, even so, I had to quit my job and dropped out of college since my son was born two weeks before the final exams.

On the day of the wedding, It was a beautiful, warm day in September 2004, I remember, the kids were dancing and laughing, the lakeside property was gorgeous. I remember my family and friends being around me, it felt like a different life. I don’t like going back in my thoughts. The pain of those memories has become less as time’s gone on. To go from such a happy day celebrating with the person I wanted to live my life with to days later, almost losing my life to this person. This is a story, no one wants to tell. Four days after my wedding, I was a victim of a road rage incident, where I was physically assaulted and (along with my infant son) nearly killed. My husband of four days was charged with reckless endangerment and assault and then arrested. A passerby had seen the incident and called 911. I still can’t believe this happened to me. He never apologized for what he had put us through, we never saw him again except at a distance. I then started therapy for the physical pain that was inflicted on me, the emotional pain would be a much longer process of healing.

When you go through the family court system and testify in front of everyone, what you go through, it is very difficult. After the shock wears off, the shame sets in, it’s hard to talk about. They (the court advocates) encourage you to talk, saying that it saves lives. I felt lost and defeated. I was forced to go through court ordered therapy, which I knew, any invasive findings would be broadcast in court. I had to acknowledge other incidences of abuse that led up to the escalation to the road rage. I was faced with the reality of my own denial of what was happening to me. The excuses I would make to myself. He was just stressed out. Maybe it was a psychotic break? I couldn’t be objective or logical enough to begin to imagine why someone would do such things to a person they profess to love. I didn’t want a stomach ulcer on top of everything else. I was able to get a pro bono attorney for the first trial. But after my ex-husband went to domestic violence treatment, there was a new trial. This was because, where there is “abusive use of conflict,” the courts don’t allow mediation to settle parenting plans. This put me in financial peril, and I have struggled financially ever since.

It’s been many years since the assault and arrest. I was vilified and blamed for what caused our separation to our community and friends. According to his account, it was all an exaggeration, a misunderstanding. I heard him say in court that I was crazy, emotionally unbalanced. Especially during the child custody proceedings. I was so afraid of him and what he would do to me. I couldn’t even comprehend fully what he was doing, who he even was. Was he my enemy now? He blamed me for getting him arrested, even though I had not been the one who called the police, but an anonymous stranger did! I felt alone, scared, traumatized. I hated having to go through the court hearings and hear the venomous words coming from him and his attorney. It made me feel crazy, out of my mind. I had to get away, I saw him everywhere, I was always looking over my shoulder. Sudden movements would make me jump. Flashes of the trauma would enter my mind. While driving my car, when I would see brake lights I would tense up and my heart would skip a beat. How could I even co-parent with this person? My Post Traumatic Stress was keeping me from moving beyond what happened to me, keeping me from moving forward. But I knew I had to somehow keep it together and be strong for my children.

After the divorce, I was given permission to move out of state. In 2007, my brother, who lived in Northern Kentucky, offered me a job. Because of this, I was able to move out of state with my children. I am so grateful to my brother for his help in this transition. During this time, my father had entered retirement from the military out on the west coast. He and my mother were planning on moving to Cincinnati to help my brother with his business. The timing of the move was good since we would be able to have the support of my family, during this time of healing and transition. Upon my move, my ex was continuing to file motions at the Seattle court house. I had to hire an attorney, from out of state, to represent me and to respond to every motion filed. Within 5 years, he filed 12 motions that were all dismissed for lack of credibility. Even though he was ordered to pay my attorney’s fees, these orders were not enforced, therefore leading me to incur much debt over the years. With the two divorce trials costing $40,000 and the additional $10,000, my finances were in trouble. I had to ask my parents for help with these huge costs. Two years after the divorce, he stopped paying child support and my daycare costs exceeded $6,000. I had to ask my parents for help with the kids, which allowed me to work more hours to pay my debts. I have been used to working two or sometimes three jobs to get a handle on my finances. In 2015 I was able to receive vocational training so I could earn more per hour.

I am a single parent living in the Cincinnati area for almost 14 years now. After much healing and hard work, I am anxious to continue my academic career goals. I am the proud parent of two well-adjusted young adults and I’ve had much experience juggling work, school and parenting. I also became the caretaker of my grandmother the last year of her life. In which I moved her into my home with my two children. During this time, as I partnered with the hospice care staff, I assisted in many nursing responsibilities. Reflecting back on this now, I feel that nursing is the field I belong in. During my time in Cosmetology school, I took on another caretaking job. I did this while managing my other full-time job. Then in 2018, I enrolled in an accelerated program at the Cincinnati School of Medical Massage. Where we had rigorous course work in A&P and Pathology. I also became a personal care assistant in 2018. I also currently work as a licensed Cosmetologist and LMT, as well as an STNA.

I am happy to say that my domestic partner and fiancé is supportive of my desire to finish my nursing education. Over time I had developed a tougher exterior, not able to readily identify with my feelings. I was so guarded, out of necessity. An armor of survival. I find it more difficult to make friends, especially deep friendships that take invested time and effort. Letting people in feels too high of a risk at times, as the emotional scars surface. Where I attended massage school, they taught us what it means to be “semi-permeable.” The idea of boundary lines that define your personal space and the space for the client. If you are too closed off, then you won’t be able to tune into anyone else’s needs. This was a wonderful exercise for me in many ways. It’s helped me in my relationship with my children as well. In the past, I’ve heard awful comments directed towards me, anywhere from saying that I am a bad mother, to questions like, why didn’t I just get an abortion. Being on the other end of the parenthood journey, with my kids entering the adult world, I would say it was worth the pain, the struggle. We persevered, we are all tough as nails, I can see it from the work ethic my kids have. Even in the most ideal circumstances, children can still have issues. But seeing the love for me in their eyes is very moving. Watching them run around, playing and laughing is like watching my heart dancing outside of me. I wish that some things had been different for them. But through the struggle, we established a strong bond, which I believe will last for years to come. I don’t know who made this quote but it sums up so much. “A son makes love stronger, days shorter, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten and the future worth living for.”

This trial has taught me to not be too quick to dismiss the notion that real love does heal our wounds. In my younger years I would have thought of that notion too trite. Having my children with me in my life has given me profound purpose and meaning. As small children, they looked to me as their constant, their calming force. They were my purpose for staying strong, stoic, steady. When they were little and even now, I give them my continued support. Also, it took me years of being single to allow myself to fall in love again. I feel thankful to my family and to my God that I have another chance at a lifetime partnership. So much healing has taken place but the memories in the emotions are still there. The muscle memories within the physical scars, are still there.

I see what those court advocate where talking about, all those years ago. I have come through the pain of a trial that allows me to empathize with the profound pain of others. Sharing my pain can save lives, or at least meeting others at their depths, so they feel less alone. Not that I have the answers, only the experience in the struggle to survive. I believe now, as a nurse (or soon to be) I can come along side someone and show them I understand what it’s like to be in pain. I can better understand where they’re at because of what I’ve been through. Not everyone is ready to hear a story like mine. A lot of times i get the, “ wide eyed, gaping mouth” reaction. But sometimes I meet someone who says, that it was what they needed to hear. It gives them the courage to set out on their own journey of survival. To start fresh, to start over if that’s what is necessary to start the healing process. As a massage therapist I deal with people and their physical pain all the time. I build care plans around strategies to begin the healing process. Many times, the physical pain is locked up with emotional pain underneath. I understand this, as I am there with them, letting them cry through their trauma. It’s a process that I feel privileged using my skills and abilities to aid in the healing.

#dv survivor #studyblr #nursingschool #healing from trauma #health and wellbeing #self care #battlescars #essay writing #kindness #be gentle with yourself

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ms-demeanor · 5 years

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Also I love community colleges with all of my cold and bitter little heart, if you’re a student and you’re coming close to graduation and you’re freaked out about debt or don’t know what you want to major in or anything like that please go to a local community college for a while. Knock out some of your GEs, figure out how well you do with self-discipline (I did EXTREMELY BADLY. I failed out of two schools! I had a mental breakdown! I’m SO glad I did that at $600 a year instead of $18K a year) find out what you like and what you hate, take a vocational course and see if you like metalworking.

My partner never graduated college but he spent a couple years in the machining classes at the local CC, he’s now a skilled machinist.

I took seven years to graduate from college and I managed to do so while working and figuring myself out and I was lucky enough not to have to take out loans and I got to figure out what I liked (journalism and literature) and what I hated (math and ballet) without losing a shitload of money or stressing out that I was going to destroy my future if I didn’t have my life goals all planned out by 18. It meant that I was able to take the watercolor and graphic design and print production courses that helped me get jobs and gave me actual experience.

I was able to take a CARTOONING CLASS. Cartooning! Fantastic! In case you don’t know me very well: I used to make cartoons professionally and I run a webcomic on tumblr ( @punkpuns ).

I worked on the community college newspaper and magazine, which got me a job doing page layout for a local newspaper for nearly three years. I was able to take a basic HTML class and a history of computing class, neither of which were at all important in my major but both of which have been a huge deal for me since I got a job in the tech sector.

Community colleges are GREAT. Taking “too long” to graduate is GREAT. Not graduating at all is FANTASTIC.

I’m considering a career change because I’m not super happy with my field right now. You know what I’m thinking of doing? Going through the welding or auto mechanic or cabinetry program at a local community college.

School application season is coming up and I know there’s going to be a lot of pressure to get into a four-year university and get out as soon as possible and mold yourself into whatever the hell the job market looks like when you’re done, but if that doesn’t sound like your cup of tea boy howdy do I ever recommend going to a community college and working in the service industry for a while because it’ll net you some solid life skills super fast while not totally killing you with stress in the process.

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candaceparkers · 5 years

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Nahikari García: “With Vero I saw that it was possible to reach the top.”

The forward born in Urnieta, top scorer of Real Sociedad in recent years, has also found in medicine a great calling.

"Did you come to Donosti just for the interview?" Asks Nahikari García, forward and one of Real Sociedad’s captains, when the over than 40 minutes of talk conclude. That humility surprises. That tone of surprise. On the other side of the window of the Harrobi de Zubieta cafeteria, it doesn’t stop raining heavily. It is inevitable to comment on the typical - and topical - weather of the Basque Country. “Last week we played against Atlético de Madrid and the National Team teammates always ask me that if it is very bad, that if it is this, that if it is the other ... And they came and it was very sunny! A great weekend!” She says smiling.

While I collect the pages full of questions, Núria - who has been taking photos the entire time - is interested in the forward’s musical taste and readings. “I really like reading. I read Dime quién soy and I really liked it. About music, I like Leiva, ” says Nahikari. From there, a small tour around the facilities of the Ciudad Deportiva begins, with the aim of concluding the photoshoot. We talked about her injury, how could it be otherwise, and one of the physiotherapists makes an appearance. "I doubt you take it well," she says jokingly while Nahikari remains facing the camera.

But the fact that we are there, not only responds to Nahikari being the top scorer of Real in recent years. Nor to have debuted with the absolute selection. The young attacker born in Urnieta, beyond a rival’s goal, has a medicine career in her eyes. Forging in this profession with the aim of exercising when she stops scoring goals. And that is why, 45 minutes before, I decided to start the talk with that topic.

Is it hard to combine football and studies considering that you’re studying Medicine?Well, I don’t know if it’s because I study Medicine but it’s true that lately it has been. When I started the career I was already at Real, but the demand has been bigger in the past few years. Also because women’s football has changed so much this past few seasons and it demands more hours to train, more requirements. Being with the National Team, it also takes away your free time. It gets harder to combine but I’m not in a hurry either.

And it’s 6 or 7 years... And then the MIR... All that if you’re up to date... You see...

And then, when you finish your career, what do you have in mind? Well, I’m not thinking about that yet because I know that it’s something that’s gonna take some time. Besides, I still see myself playing football for years. If everything goes well, I have more seasons to play. Now my goal is to finish my career and then when it’s time for the MIR, I’ll prepare for that. It’s true that life goes around but I would like to carry out my specialty and do that in the future.

So, that specialty is sports medicine? Yes. I like that because it’s what I know and what I see here. I think that we’ll see later on. Once you get into that world, you see and work in different specialties... However, in my head there are a lot of projects that I would like to try. Of course I would like to be connected to the sport because I love it, but I don’t know. Maybe I could be in a club, in a hospital or also at an ONG around the world.

Man, that last one... That would be really good!

With the growth there is in women’s football, have you thought about putting your studies in hold? Putting it on hold, no. Taking it more slowly, yes. For example, I don’t take every class every year. But I wouldn’t like to put it on hold. Although sometimes I can only take one class, I don’t want to leave it because once you do that, you disengage and it’s like you ignore it. So even if it’s little by little, I would like to always do something.

In most interviews, you talk about helping and learing. Are those the main reasons why you chose Medicine? Yes! To learn, no doubt. I like knowing new things and learning. And they say doctors don’t have much relationship with the patient, but I do like that part more human. Being close, lending a hand... At the end, it comes from home. My mom is a nurse and I’ve seen it since I was a kid. It’s something that always caught my attention. It’s a calling. No doubt.

The growth in women’s football and your studies have led you to make a lot of sacrifices, according to what you’ve said in other interviews. I’m not asking about what’s been the boggest sacrifice, but which one has hurt you the most? I don’t think they’re sacrifices as such. At the end, I do this because I like it. I see more as a bet. My luck is to be at home. I’ve played at Real my entire life but evidently, you miss out on important moments like family meetings or with friends... In my case, I couldn’t be at my grandfather’s funeral because I was at the World Cup in Costa Rica. Evidently, you think: “fuck”. Football gives me a lot, but it also takes a lot. I’m very happy to be where I am and to choose what I’ve chosen. And I don’t see neither my friends nor my family as often as I would like. Or my little cousins. - She laughs - My cousin always says: “Fuck, everyone tells me how cool it is that Nahikari is my cousin but I don’t like it because she’s training every day and I can’t see her.”

To dedicate to Medicine, you have to be cold blooded, precision on the diagnosis and treatment, not making mistakes... Is that very similar to playing as a forward? I was just about to say that! The comparison is good. Maybe, yeah. If you miss, the focus is on you, and on the other hand, if you got it right, you’re the best. And in that, with medicine there’s a lot of similarities. In both cases you have to know how to deal with the pressure and with those critical moments. One thing will help me with the other! I’ll nbecome an expert on this.

With a lot of people, and independently if you're successful or not, you start playing at parks and at school. But where does your passion for footbal begin? Well, it comes from home. My dad is a very big football fan. And so is my brother, even if he denies it! So that passion began at home. We had a park near and we met up with my brother’s friends there. We spent the entire day kicking the ball. Plus I would tell my dad: “Aita, I wanna go train. Let’s go train”. And he was there. Football is very vocational, You either like it or not. You live it or you don’t live it and me, for one thing or another, well it’s been my calling since I was a kid.

You started playing at Añorga when you were 9. Always as a forward? Yes, always. I was the smallest... Small and fast! So I think they put me as a forward to run.

In Añorga’s first team you’re from 14 to 16. In fact, you made your debut when you were 14... How was the debut? Well, we were in the Second Division and that was a great year where we won the league and we played the play-off for the promotion to First Division... It was very progressive because they really wanted to take care of me. Besides, I was also starting with the National Team. Euskadi’s as well as Spain’s. It was a lot of jogging and the coach I had back then, Juanjo, handled it very well. I was playing only halves at the beginning until there was a point where I said “fuck”. I was training, I was doing it very well... In the second round I started playing more and in the play-off I was in the starting lineup.

You talked in an interview that you never have to lose focus so you can stay on track. Where is Nahikari’s focus now? On continuing to grow and, above all, not losing that ambition to want to achieve important challenges. I don’t know how, when or where. But I do want to keep feeling that I’m moving forward and growing. I have goals and dreams to fight for. I think it’s always important having something worth fighting for, not getting comfortable and get carried away. I have that in mind and I know I have a long way to go, a lot to grow and a lot to still do in football. I work for that.

You also mention that you have to choose your role models very well, in case you lose focus. Who are yours? Well, beyond the people around you in the locker room, I’m very lucky to coincide in the National Team with people who have a lot of experience. For example, Vero (Boquete). I think they’re people who are doing very well in women’s football and so I look at that. That they’re very humble and hard-working people who have paved their path and, from there, they’re growing.

There’s a story in another interview that I really liked. Your mom came home with a newspaper with Vero in double page and that gave you strength to keep going... Yeah. It’s true. It made me realize that it was possible to reach the top. Nowadays we’re much more accesible and it’s easier to see that you can make it. But back then, I didn’t have many role models that were women players and professionals that were living from this. Seeing it there made me see that there were people who had made it and they pulled forward. It gave me hope. To say: “Nahikari... Go ahead with your drea, because it’s possible”.

You’re a Real fan... A Real fan...

A very big Real fan... Yes, yes!

That, in a game, does it help or is it worse? I mean, beyond the concentration itself, there’s an emotional component. Yes! Definitely. I have very strong feelings towards the club but also a very important one towards the team. We’ve managed to create a feeling of union and companionship that makes you fight for it. You’re not only fighting for the badge but also for a common goal that we set up. You say “Fuck... I run for me, but also for the one next to me. This is for all of us.” But obviously, that feeling is worse because you suffer so much more. When you win, everything is great; but when you lose, it hurts you so much more. And it’s, precisely, for that feeling of commitment and for everything that surrounds you. It’s important to manage it and revitalize it on several occasions.

The great knock that it is to win the Copa de la Reina. After doing that, did you feel like from that moment onwards people were going to expect so much more from you all? Yes. Definitely. Especially people from the outside. At the end, a lot of people have known us for years but others know us because they saw us winning the Copa. So, it seems like the demand is to win the league or to be in the Champions League, That’s why I think it’s important that we keep our feet on the ground and be aware of where we come from, what we’ve achieved and the path that we want to continue. All of this, of course we’re talked about and worked with our coach. I think we have to grow from having our feet on the ground and having clear goals. We want to be at the top but without driving ourselves crazy. Obviously, we’re the first ones that want to win every weekend and continue to grow. And we’re the first ones that would love to win the league but we have to be aware of where we are and where we come from. But, definitely, the ambition is intact.

Let’s go to that final then. The end of the game, that’s clear. Everything is euphoric. But at half time, with the game tied 1-1, how was it? Courage, silence... Well... we were silent because we were so tired! I remember half time, sitting in the ground and saying: “My God, we’re suffering so much”. In the first half we suffered a lot and in the second half we were better. The message was that we could win. With 1-1- at the half we had the game where we wanted it. We knew we were gonna get our chance and we had to keep holding on. And we did!

Finals hadn’t treated you very well... No...

Until this one. When you get the ball and you see yourself in that position, do the ghosts from the past come back? I say it because of that fatal mistake in the 2016 Euros... No. No way. I didn’t think in that moment. But it’s that, I had it clear that that ball was going in. I didn’t have any doubts about how I was gonna hit it or that kind of stuff. It was all very natural and super normal. I saw it clear. I knew where the ball was gonna go.

After the goal... were you aware of what you’d done? No! Not at all!

In that moment with all the players during the celebration, what do you say? You just made a comeback! Well, we told each other that we had to hold on! Cold head and keep doing the same. Because we knew we were doing very well and we didn’t have to change anything. Not to park the bus but not going forward too much either. Put pressure when we had to put pressure and hold on when we had to hold on.

From the front, how did you see Sun’s saves? Pf... suffering a lot. But we knew Sun was gonna hold us. She had been doing it all season and you saw her. I told her. That day she was super hyper motivated. She was with a lot of energy and when Sun is like that, you know she’s gonna have a great game.

Is it the best moment in your sports career? I’ve had really good and happy moments but I’d never felt such a feeling. Making my debut with the National Team was amazing. Playing the World Cup was amazing. But being able to culminate that moment with a goal... that was very powerful.

Last year and this year there’s been interest from other teams. First PSG. How real was that interest, considering the classic rumors during the transfers window? Fuck it was real... It’s because we played a tournament here. At the beginning everything looked like a movie. First, who was gonna tell me that PSG was gonna come to play a tournament here at Zubieta. Then, who was gonna tell me that they were gonna notice me and have the interest to sign me. In fact, we joked about it at home: “Can you imagine if a team like this comes here someday?” And when they did, well it was weird. Me, at first, I didn’t believe it, but there were talks between the clubs. At the end, it didn’t work out and I ended up winning the Copa at the end of the season.

And then it was Atlético. Were you close to leaving? You wanted the whole thing to end before the World Cup. Yeah, yeah. Defnitely. When we talked about the goal to grow, I’ve never lied to people from the outside nor to the people from the club. I would like to grow and live other experiences. If Real offers me that, then let’s do it. We’ll stay together and very happy. And as long as I’m here, I’ll give everything for this club. At that point, everything that had happened in the Copa and everything that that generated made me decide to stay. Everything was talked with the club. They’ve told me that when I feel the need to leave, they’ll open the doors. That reassures me. But I don’t know when that will be and if it’ll happen or not, because life changes a lot.

We’re moving to the National Team and it’s inevitable to think about the miss in that final vs France in the 2016 Euros. That has been talked about a lot. I’m interested the next game or games, when you have another clear chance. Did that miss become too much? Well, after that we had vacations and then I went back to Real. I tried to not give it too much importance and keep playing. I didn’t want to think about it again. But at the end, even if you don’t want to, you realize that your confidence isn’t the same. But I worked on it because I was aware of that. And I managed to change the situation! I think that a moment like the one I went through hurts you, yes, but it also helps you grow.

I read that you went to a sports psychologist... Yes, I was working with him.

At what point do you realize that you needed that kind of help? Well, I realized during the season. I was getting sick, injured... Things that I thought: “Fuck. What’s going on, Nahi?” Well, it was the lack of confidence. I knew that my character had taken me, in big part, to everything that I’d achieved and when I saw it diminished I said: “Nahikari. Something is going on with you and we have to fix this”. After that I started working. To be honest, it helped me a lot. Especially to relativize important situations. I grew and learned a lot from those moments.

Then, after that, you go two years without going to the National Team and you had coincided with Jorge Vilda. Did you talk to him about that absence? When the mistake in Slovakia happened, he was there with me and everyone protected me and they gave me their total confidence, a lot of love and we talked. But in those two years that I didn’t get called up, there wasn’t any explanation... He didn’t have to give me one either! Because I knew it was about my performance. When he called me up, it was because he believed I was in a good moment. With Jorge, we’ve always had a close relationship and we’ve talked about many things. I think he trusts me too, but I don’t think he has to explain to me why I wasn’t called up during that time

Either way, you came back in a big way at the Wolrd Cup in France. In fact, you and Lucía (García) coming in against South Africa, changed the course of the game. What does it feel to get to the locker room knowing that you were a big reason for the first win Spain had in a World Cup? Well, it was a rush. Being able to win the first game in a World Cup is very important. It seemed like everyone was counting that we were gonna do it, but the games have to be played. Spain was coming off from not winning any games in the last World Cup. We knew it was a clear goal and I lived it with the same happiness as the rest of my teammates. With the plus that I made my debut in a World Cup.

Against China, you qualified for the knockout stage. Was it bittersweet, that qualification, knowing you had to play the US? Yes... But mostly because of the feeling we had. We had a great feeling against Germany... Of playing football so well...Of competing so well... But China parked the bus, you have chances but you can’t score. Our goal at the World Cup was to make it past the group stage. We were very happy for reaching that goal but then you know that you have to play the US and it’s a hard.

Against the US we lose in a very unfair way. Did it hurt more losing that game than a final that you’ve played? Yes and no. Because at the end, it makes you very angry losing and leaving the World Cup like that. It was a general rage because we have a very competitive locker room. We went to win that game and it didn’t matter who was in front. At the end, we had a feeling of knowing we were getting close because we competed against them. It makes you see that you’re doing things well... But it makes you very angry. Especially after they scored two very unfair penalties. But I don’t know if it’s worse than losing a final!

And frankly, after a few hours or days have gone by, what positive conclusions do you draw for the next Euro? Because I imagine you drew some... Of course... Besides those games give you a lot of growth. We’re a very young National Team that was playing in their second World Cup. Doing it like that is very good and we have to be aware of where we come from and have our feet on the ground. From there, keep going and a lot of ambition. We’re a very ambitious group and we have to do it as best as possible. The World Cup, we take it as experience and now the focus is on qualifying for the Euros.

Well, we leave football, Nahikari. Let’s go with other type of questions. First about your personality... You say you have very bad temper. Yeah... - She laughs -

But that has given you a lot of success. Yes! That too!

And any bad moments? Well, yeah... But because I’m very competitive and I have a lot of character. But you learn from that too, For example, you have to manage how you say things. Sometimes, how I’ve said things hasn’t been in a good way and that has given me more than one conflict that you work out and just leave it at that. But since I got here at 16 years old until now that I’m 22, I’ve always had bad temper. But I think I’ve leanrt to manage it and reduce it!

Beyond fighting, you’ve reiterated a lot that you’re here to learn. What lesson has Nahikari learnt on and off the pitch? Well, I’ve learnt so many things in that way... For example, to believe. My team, last year, taught me to believe. Without a doubt. If you believe in something firmly, you can achieve it. That’s how the Copa de la Reina came. And also, that you always get another chance. And especially as a forward. I stay with that too. There will always be another chance, another game, another moment. You learn many things in football! But this sport has also taught me that it’s the least important thing out of everything that I care about in life. That there’s life after football. You come back home and your family and friends are waiting. You have to give value to all these aspects. I’ve always thought about things too much and I give football a lot of importance... So you have to know to differentiate well and know that you have a life when training or a game ends.

And when you finish training or playing and you leave Zubieta, how is Nahikar’s day when she doesn’t have to go to college either? Well I’m a very calm person. I like being with my family and friends. Go to Donosti and walked around the beach. I also like reading and listening o music. Especially laughing. I like being with people that I love and I love talking! Have interesting conversations and laugh a lot.

I’ve gone through all the questions that I prepared and we’ve talked a little about the injury... Núria. Do you want to ask something? Because it’s raining a lot... We’re not gonna see Donosti much... Did you come to Donosti just for the interview?

#i was gonna translate the whole interview but i can't rn sorry #her interviews are always so interesting #nahikari garcia #football

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changeisgradual · 4 years

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Some time last year I realised that my whole life (from teens to 20’s) had really been about career, finding that career. Mind you I wasn’t all in, spending every minute of my day trying to identify what I’d like to do etc. But I had the view that until I knew what kind of career I wanted, life had not really begun. Purpose and seeking God to understand my why, was really me trying to find out what career I was created for. I don’t think I had malicious intent but it just shows you how myopic my world view was.

Everything was geared towards this career, since a very young age, from 13 or so. Auntys and uncles in church asking you what you want to be when you are older. And grades being synonymous with where you can get to in life.

In short my perception of life was very much success was the success of my career... what ever that would be. So grades from 13 to 21 was synonymous with future success of this mysterious career that would provide me so much happiness and fulfilment. And think about it school occupies so much time, every other part of life is scheduled around school.

When that bubble was shattered and I realised that this whole notion of your life’s worth being measured by your career was honestly a notion that was created. Life was not always about your career and interests were not always viewed through that lense and identity was not always limited to your vocation. People claiming to be their trade, ‘ I AM a fashion designer, a footballer, investment banker’ ‘ I want to BE a writer, a musician, a social worker...’ Now I think it’s quite bizarre. But I used to be there, I used to ask myself: ‘what do I want to be?!?’ ... Crazy

Anyway so that bubble shattered, I felt free, this eternal search was finally over. It was a relief, especially because for me, I don’t actually like having to choose, it’s a decision that means all other choices are cancelled. So all of the choose I made in school when we’re meant to be specialising was really choices that I thought would allow me to have a wide scope of careers to choose from.

(And now to the actual meat and potatoes of my current issue...)

But now...I don’t know what life is about. I know I have certain interests and there are things I would like to learn more and more about. And I will. But it’s just, what really is this life about, what am I supposed to look forward to?

I think before I looked forward to maybe one day falling in love, being married to someone who I really connected with. Who loves God and himself ... and me ... and I’d almost be able to show that off to people. Kind of sad, but I think that was/is maybe sometimes still the case

I looked forward to being slim and looking beautiful and being desired/envied. Or being attractive.

Being smart and people respecting that.

The list goes on...

But it’s all so empty... will all this things actually make me happy? Do I need for other people to recognise or witness these different achievements for me to feel good about them?

Even to this day it’s like: why am I doing these things? These goals I have

And it always end up in me deciding instead to learn more about life itself.

So life then becomes about learning about life. As opposed to think you know the meaning of life and trying to build this great life and ‘getting ahead’. Life becomes a discovery.

There is so much to unravel, like is there a tangible end I am seeking even with this search? Do I expect answers that I can use to execute and build upon in a tangible way?

I feel so frazzled, the thing is I go through cycles, I shave asked myself these kind of questions before... asking a lot of ‘why questions. other times I am more goal oriented and focus on achieving. Other times I am generally just looking around for understanding of what life or things (a relationship, successful life etc) should be so I can better align myself to it. Other times I am just bored and kind of endlessly distracted by possibilitities of what I could learn, discover , etc. I am Not in one state so it’s hard to commit to any, always jumping around and then these states are always felt through my emotions not thought through

I do need to resolve this tbh and learn more about perosnality and also more about life and come to terms with my psychological needs, like my need for stability, stability of my view of the world maybe ... maybe if I was aware of this, life and it’s meaning changing based on my growing or changing understanding wouldn’t be a frustrating experience. I would ask ‘why did I know that before?!😡’ I would just realise that My views will keep changing and I would adjust.

What is actualisation? Is it individuation?

It’s so hard to explain because even with individuation, i perceive it as becoming a more balanced human.. so getting to a state where my ideals are paired with action and interest paired with constistencey. (Very simple) just that I’m balanced and I then live as balanced human... so it’s still perceived through the frame of development learning then execution... soooo am I just I’m search of what or how to execute?

I’m leaving this confused.

Still asking, what is life and why just why did God make this planet and humans.

Yo, question. If there were no problems would humans have abit bring to occupy themselves with?

- not asking that to validate problems

- asking more so to question ppl and the view of meaning of life. If there were no problems would you have anything to occupy your time with

- think I asked that question more so to the people who really claim they are here to help and impact change. Does the problem need you to solve it or do you need to have the problem to have something to solve.

Sigh

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maxerikson · 4 years

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My Career Troubles

Throughout my life I have had trouble with my career choices. During my early elementary school years, I obviously had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up. It was only around the fourth grade that I began taking my own aspirations somewhat seriously. Throughout the rest of my time in elementary school and middle school, I had a lot of different career aspirations: Detective, archaeologist, music producer, photographer, cook, restaurant manager, and seaman. Those last two were the results of taking a career aptitude test. However, it was not until late into my second semester of the eighth grade that I thought I realized what I should be: a video game writer.

Well, not exactly. I wanted to be the person who came up with the ideas for video games, but I had no idea what title that person went by. I eventually learned that they were called a “game designer,” but then I found out that “designer” is what every member of the development team is called, and then I found out that the person in charge of a game’s development is called the “director”. However, the idea for a game doesn’t always come from the director—it can come from any member of the development. Besides, “video game director” is a position you have to be promoted to, so I would have to start as something else.

Unfortunately, I did not learn most of this until the twelfth grade. I think I was late into the school year too by this time. I tried finding as much information as I could throughout high school, but it was not until I was about to graduate that I found anything that was actually helpful. Also, there are barely any video game companies in the state I grew up in. The number one problem is that this type of career goal requires a good fallback or backup career; although I feel like everyone should have some sort of backup for their primary career goals, regardless of what those goals are. This lack of a secondary career path led to one of the biggest mistakes in my life: rushing into college.

I graduated from an online high school in August 2010, and then enrolled in college the very next month. I chose retail management as my major, thinking that I could pursue a career in selling video games as my backup for a career in creating video games. However, I badly needed a job to pay for tuition, and I eventually stopped doing my assignments to focus more on the job hunt. I really should have thought it over more. By the way, I promised myself that I would never, ever take out a loan in my entire life, so student loans were not an option for me. I loathe the idea of having to spend the rest my life paying back money.

Over a year after I first enrolled in college, I enrolled in a career school, choosing hotel/restaurant management as my major. This time, I did put a good amount of thought into this decision before going through with it, and I had help from family to pay for tuition. Then I had my first lesson. Right there, in the very first text that I was assigned to read, I was told that a diploma in hotel/restaurant management did not mean anything without some work experience. I should have switched majors right then and there, because it was basically telling me that this entire course was pointless, but no, I didn’t; I stuck with the course, earned my diploma, and then failed miserable at finding any sort of job at any hotel or restaurant. I think the biggest problems were that I had written that I would not cook meat in my resume, and that I lived in a town full of close-minded people who did not believe in online education.

At some point while reading this, you were probably thinking, “Why not aim for a degree in computer science? That way you could get a job as a video game programmer, and you would have computer skills that could get you jobs in several other industries as well.” That is because I hated computers, and did not want any job that revolved around them. However, in late 2012, I realized that computers are just going to become more and more important in every job out there, so I had to get more used to them. I decided to go all-in with this and re-enrolled in college for an associate of science in graphic design.

On December 3, 2015, after almost three years of College Take Two, I earned my degree; but there were two problems. Halfway through my course, I realized that I care way more about the stories and characters from my video game ideas than I did actual gameplay, and that I should be trying to turn my ideas into TV shows instead of video games. That’s actually how they started out, by the way. During the second half of elementary school, I began coming up with ideas for TV shows. Late into middle school, I imagined those shows getting video game adaptations. I then exclusively imaged them as video games. As a result, when thinking about what I should do for a career, I decided I should turn these imaginary games into reality. The second problem was that there was way less demand for graphic designers than I thought, at least where I lived. I pretty much had to apply to jobs out of state, but no-one was willing to do interviews over the phone or webcam. I couldn’t even get jobs in cities I could drive to, because I never got my driver’s license! I couldn’t, there was no-one to teach me and I hate driving!

It took so long to get hired for a job that was related to my field. I eventually got a work-from-home contract job as a photo editor, adding new backgrounds to pictures of cars and trucks so they could be used for advertisements. I hated this job. At first, it was OK. I was fine with it. Over time, I got better at it; but at some point, I peaked, and there were just not enough tasks for me to take. Not only was I never able to make enough money to move out and live on my own, but I eventually got worse at the job, which got more and more stressful as the solitude and monotony got to me.

After a year of working at this job, I decided that I needed a change in career. After three months of carefully thinking about it, I enrolled at my local community college to get a degree in therapeutic massage. Unfortunately, I was unwilling to ask my relatives to help me cover tuition again, and my photo editing job wasn’t paying enough to help, so I had to take out a student loan. I promised myself I would never take out a loan, and I broke that promise. To this day, I hate myself for doing that.

Towards the end of my first semester, I quit my job as a photo editor, which was negatively affecting my health. I got one A and three B’s for my first semester, but I dropped two of my second semester classes before it ended. I could no longer get a degree in massage therapy, but I could still get a vocational certificate. However, I had to transfer to another school in another state. I was homeless during my time at this college, and the massage therapy class was in danger of shutting down due to a lack of students. I liked massage therapy, but I had to drop out.

Now I’m living in Canada with my birth family, working another job I hate while waiting out a pandemic so I can find a job in retail or entertainment. There is a lesson here that I want everyone reading this to take away from my story: do your researching and think very carefully about what you want to do for a career. Do not rush into college before knowing what you want to study or what you want to do once you graduate. If you don’t know what to do by the time you finish high school, then take a year off; take two if you have to! Just don’t rush into your post-high school life, or you may just regret it.

#max #erikson #maxerikson #career #troubles #life #school #education #aspiration #jobs #stress #goals

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