#but katara has had to push through much worse and he needs to acknowledge that

[the-badger-mole]

Do you think Katara should have apologized to Sokka for accusing him of not loving their mother like she did?

Not really. I mean, it was a harsh thing to say, but I'd argue it was accurate. Sokka himself has admitted that his younger sister supplanted his mother in his memories. Also, for Sokka to take Aang's side for the reasons he did was also harsh. I think they deserved to have a deeper conversation about that whole situation. .

#atla #katara and sokka #this whole situation just highlighted how much katara was forced to take on at such a young age #she doesn't get enough empathy #not from her friends #not from the writers #not from the fans #i'm sure what she said stung sokka #but katara has had to push through much worse and he needs to acknowledge that #zuko is the only one who gave her grief and anger the attention it deserved #THE YEAR OF CONTENT!!!!

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Ten Into The Fog (Part 7)

He has pushed too far too soon in telling her that she is pregnant. She seems to hate him more than anyone. Anyone but Zuko. These days she only talks to Aang if anyone and ignores him entirely.

He is scared that if he pushes even harder, approaches her again too soon that she will write him off completely and he will break the promise that he made her approximately nine years ago; that he wouldn’t let her be alone again. That he would help her no matter how much she hated him. 

He hadn’t anticipated that she would ever thoroughly loath him.

“I miss her, Aang.” He shakes his head.

“She’s not gone, Sokka. She’s right there.” Aang nods his head towards a spot across the room. To the spot on the sofa where Azula lounges, laying on her back and reading a book that is propped up by her legs.

“Why does that make it worse?” He mumbles. 

“Are you trying to say that you wish that she had died?” Zuko furrows his brows.

“Of course not!” He replies much too loudly. Loud enough for Azula to look up from her book, acknowledge his existence for the first time in days, and shoot him a cross stare. “But I think that it would have been easier if she went missing or something. If she’d gone missing we could have found her, she could have escaped on her own. We can’t just fix this.”

“She just needs time.” Katara says softly.

Zuko cringes. “We’ve been at this for over a week now.” He spares a glance in her direction. “She’s got excuses for everything and most of them don’t even make sense. Especially when you try to connect all of the pieces.”

“I just really miss her. My Azula who lets me hold her…” 

He misses her touch on his cheek, the kisses she liked to trail on his neck, the purse of her lips and the scrunching of her brows when she strokes his beard and urges him to just ‘shave the damn thing already.’ 

In a sense he thinks that he did lose the woman he loved. She is right there, he can hear her talking–mostly complaining–and he can see her moving about her day. But it is like someone else inhibits her body and the worst part is that person is still her. Just not the right her. Not the Azula that should be there.

Not the Azula that he can hold and kiss and share a bath with. 

He can’t even talk to this Azula. 

He can’t remember how he had broken through to her before.

Why can’t he remember how he’d done that!? It was such a a monumental moment.

But then, if Azula can forget half of her life then he could easily lose one or two moments of his. 

.oOo.

She has to wonder, why Sokka? Why had they chosen him to do the lying?

In a sense it’s quiet brilliant actually; he is someone who she doesn’t feel and never really had felt  all that strongly about. He is someone more neutral, someone without a real motivation. And therefore he would be someone who she is more likely to let her guard down around.

It is very much brillant were she not more clever than they. Clever enough to see through their tactics.  

She waits for them to leave before entering the dining room for herself. She takes her meal in merciful silence and waits there at the table for a good while. Long enough for the servants to ask her if she is still hungry. 

She is not. She simply has to wait.

Has to make sure that everyone is asleep. 

And she does. She doesn’t pull a cloak over her head and slip out of the palace until the latest hours of the night. That window of time just before late at night becomes early in the morning. 

Her journey isn’t a comfortable one. Her feet had already been achy and her ankles agitatedly swollen. Reaching her destination has only made the ache so much worse. But it is worth it. 

Worth it to see the one person that she can trust.

She clears her throat. “Father.” 

In a rattling of chains, the man turns around. His face is gaunt, his hair scraggly. Azula swallows, what have they done to him? They took a perfectly proud man and stolen the gleam from his eyes. And yet his mouth curves into a smile.  A cruel smile. “It’s been a while, Azula.” He drawls.

Azula, at her limit with the cramps in her feet finds herself a spot on the ground in front of Ozai’s cell. “I’ve been injured, father. I would have come sooner…”

The man laughs. “Would you have?”

Azula nods. “I am going to get you out of here and we can take our nation back.”

His eyes grow momentarily wide, she wonders why he is so surprised that she would come back for him. 

“I can’t do it just yet, I need a more solid plan but I wanted to talk to you.” 

“And why is that all of a sudden?”  His fingers curl around one of several bars.

Azula tilts her head. “Well first of all I need you to be prepared when I come back for you. Secondly…” she swallows. “They’re driving me crazy, father. They keep telling me all of these things, all of these lies…” she tightens her fist.

“And which lies are those?”

“They tell me that it has been ten years and that I’m…” her palm brushes against her belly. “Nevermind. They tell me that it has been ten years, that I just don’t remember. That’s ridiculous. Right?”

He is quiet for a very long time. Long enough to leave her tummy fluttering. Finally he reaches out. The back of his hand touches her cheek. “Of course it’s absurd, Azula. Do I look older to you?” 

Azula clears her throat. “Prison can do that to a person.”

To her surprise, he chuckles. “I suppose that it can. You don’t look any different though.”

“That’s what I told them!” She declares almost too excitedly. She doesn’t need a mirror, father knows. “But the thing is…there are waterbenders and earthbenders here. There are flags and banners and…” She frowns. “They’ve certainly gone through a lot of trouble to keep up this charade. It feels pointless. Why would they?”

Ozai shakes his head. “Because they want to break you, Azula.” He confirms. “Zuko is spiteful and jealous. It isn’t good enough to just remove me from the throne. It isn’t satisfying to just lock you up next to me. He wants to hurt you, Azula. He wants to take your most important weapon…” he touches his finger to her head. “...Away from you.”

Azula swallows again. 

“You will return to the palace and you will come up with a plan to free me and  take our nation back. This is your most important mission yet; don’t let them sway you, the Fire Nation needs us. They’re counting on you.” 

“I won’t disappoint you, father.” Not again, she won’t.

#Avatar The Last Airbender #Azula #Sokka #Sokkla #Fanfiction

[thinkingisadangerouspastime]

warmth

Then her shoulders fell, the inky shadows deepening across her face as Katara sighed and pulled her knees into her chest. “I just—I have to know you’re okay, Aang. That’s all. It’s not a big deal.”

Aang blinked, her words sinking into his heart like a stone into quicksand. “Know I’m okay,” he repeated, “or know I’m alive?”

When Aang falls, Katara is always there to catch him. But maybe that’s part of the problem.

(Written for Day 5 of Kataang Week 2021: Healing, hosted by @kataang-week. Read here on AO3 or continue reading below.)

Aang loved Katara. Plain and simple. Under only the watchful eye of the moon—hope all is well with you, Princess Yue, Sokka is doing just fine—Aang might even be willing to admit he was in love with her. It wasn’t a secret, per se, but to love was to be vulnerable and despite the infinite lives he contained as the Avatar, Aang was still only human.

All the same, Aang had no shame in acknowledging that he liked having Katara’s attention on him, and moreover that he liked reciprocating her attention with his own on her. He liked how they were touchy-feely with each other in a way they were with no one else, liked how they would stay up together to count the stars and talk about anything and nothing, liked how they could make each other smile at even their lowest points.

But ever since Ba Sing Se…

Something had changed.

For better or for worse, Aang wasn’t quite sure. Because now, now it seemed more of Katara’s attention was on him than before. And at first, Aang thought he’d understood why. He’d died, he’d been in a coma for weeks, he’d flirted with death while Katara had been the one keeping constant vigil at his bedside. Though his outward wounds had long since healed into scars, there were lingering aches and pains below the surface that still could make him stumble.

Katara was always there to catch him when he fell.

But that was the—that was the problem, for lack of a better word on Aang’s part. Katara was healing him all but constantly, never letting him out of her sight for more than a few minutes at a time. The only exceptions had been his time at the Fire Nation school and her secret trips to Jang Hui as the Painted Lady. She’d almost burst into tears when he’d gotten the smallest of scratches across his thumb the other day, and that? That was not normal.

Whatever was going on, Aang knew he couldn’t let her face it alone any longer.

One night during their usual stargazing, lying down with their backs against the grass on the flattest ledge in their camp, Aang seized the moment.

“Is there a reason you’ve been so… protective of me lately?” he asked, trying to keep his tone as even as possible. It was like trying to approach a baby deer-cat—he didn’t want to spook her by storming into the subject.

Katara stiffened, and though she didn’t flee, Aang idly wondered if he’d underestimated how painful this conversation might be. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I don’t mean it in a bad way,” Aang tried to reassure her, turning in the grass onto his side so he could face her properly. “You’ve just seemed a little on edge the past few weeks. Talking about whatever’s on your mind might—might help.”

“Doubt that,” Katara muttered bitterly, keeping her eyes averted from Aang’s own as she picked at a blade of grass. The moonlight breaking through the tree branches to their right cast dark shadows across her face, like rivers of ink winding down her cheeks. “I prefer not thinking about it, much less talking.”

Well, at least she’d admitted something was bothering her. Aang counted that as a small victory. But her aggressive resistance did mean he would have to prod a little more to get her to open up.

“I know you’re worried about me,” Aang said after a pause. He sat up, bracing himself with his hands behind him. “I don’t know why, but I know you are.”

Katara sat up and opened her mouth, probably to argue, but Aang pushed forward, not giving her the chance to disagree. To lie, really.

“I can tell because you’ve… you’ve been healing every little scratch I get. Which is kind, but”—he pursed his lips, shaking his head—“I can’t be your priority, Katara. Not all the time. Not over healing Sokka or Toph or yourself, when someone else’s injuries are worse. Okay?”

Katara’s jaw was tight, a clear sign Aang had struck a nerve. Hopefully not one that stung too sharply, bit too deeply, because hurting Katara was the last thing he wanted to do. What he feared more than anything.

Then her shoulders fell, the inky shadows deepening across her face as she sighed and pulled her knees into her chest. “I just—I have to know you’re okay, Aang. That’s all. It’s not a big deal.”

Aang blinked, her words sinking into his heart like a stone into quicksand. “Know I’m okay,” he repeated, “or know I’m alive?”

Aang had only the faintest memories of Ba Sing Se, of waking up for but a few seconds in Katara’s arms as the most radiant, most relieved smile he’d ever seen had graced her lips. The relief hadn’t matched the exhaustion—the terror—in her eyes, though. After that, he’d… disappeared, vanished somewhere into the depths of his own mind for more days than he could count.

Katara chuckled, the sound tinged with a deep-seated weariness. “Maybe a bit of both?”

“Katara—”

She silenced him with an icy look. “Don’t. Don’t use that pitying tone with me, Aang. I know it’s an irrational fear, I don’t need you to tell me that.” Katara huffed, throwing her hands up and shaking her head. “See? This is why. This is why I don’t like thinking about it.”

Aang bit his lip. Tempted as he was to swear up and down that no, he hadn’t meant to strike such a tone, he hadn’t meant to invalidate her concerns, there was a far more important direction their conversation needed to be taken in.

“It’s clearly not irrational if you can’t shake it off,” Aang said after a pause. He hesitated, then placed a careful hand on top of hers, which had returned to resting on the grass. When she made no move to pull away, he continued. “But if you’re really worried… why don’t you explain it to me?”

That offer caught Katara’s attention, and she stared at him with a mixture of shock and confusion permeating her features. Furrowed brow, head tilted at a slight angle. “What?”

Aang shrugged. “Tell me what’s making you so anxious, and then I can confirm whether or not your fear is rational.” He suspected it would be somewhere on the perpetually sliding scale between rational and irrational, as most fears born of traumatic experiences were. He had a few of his own. No shame in admitting that.

Katara hesitated, her gaze flickering over his face from top to bottom, as if searching for any hint of doubt or suspicion or—spirits forbid—pity. But Aang knew she wouldn’t find any, and he was right.

“Okay,” she murmured, averting her eyes from his own to stare at the grass they still sat upon. “Maybe I do need to”—she shook her head—“maybe that would help. A little.”

Katara’s current discomfort was clear to Aang, and he hated seeing her like this. Shaken, weary, broken in more ways than one. But what he hated even more was to see Katara terrified, and terror was the only expression written in her eyes each time she watched him get hurt, no matter how minor the injury. So if she would talk, Aang would listen, and he would do whatever he could to reassure her.

“This war has been going on my entire life,” Katara said after a pause. “So I’m not—I’m not unfamiliar with death”—a low chuckle escaped her lips—“although not for a lack of trying on Sokka’s part.” She heaved a shuddering sigh, picking at a blade of grass with her hand that wasn’t beneath Aang’s. “But warriors died in battle. Babies didn’t always survive birth. I—I saw my own mother’s corpse when I was only eight years old, Aang, so burned up you could barely recognize her—”

Katara snapped her jaw shut as her voice neared a fatal crack, and she blinked back tears.

Before he could lose his nerve, Aang turned Katara’s hand over, the one still beneath his own, and carefully laced their fingers together. I’m here, he tried to say, not knowing how to say it. His touch seemed to do the trick, though, as Katara exhaled a shuddering breath and moved to rest against his side, their shoulders pressed firmly together.

“I was never… never close, though,” she murmured, her voice having regained stability. “Never touched the bodies. Not even my mom’s.”

The note of grief in Katara’s voice rang sharper than a wind chime, and Aang had to fight down the urge to pull her into his arms then and there. He couldn’t. Not yet. Not until she was finished, not until she was ready. So though Aang’s heart ached with an identical loss—You turned your back on the world!—he said nothing, and he let her continue.

“But I… I caught you, Aang.” Katara’s grip tightened around his hand, but Aang didn’t pull away, not even when her nails began digging into the skin just below his knuckles. “When you fell, in Ba Sing Se. After Azula. I caught you, I held you when you were—”

“Gone?” Aang supplied when her voice vanished, and Katara nodded, rubbing her eyes with the back of her free hand.

“Yeah.” She took another slow breath, clearing her throat. “And, you know, people always say that death is—that death is cold. It’s life, energy, stolen from the body. But Aang, you were”—Katara shook her head, eyes brimming with tears that glowed like droplets of liquid silver in the moonlight—“you were so warm, I could almost believe you were sleeping and would wake up in my arms any minute.”

Aang swallowed a lump rising in his own throat. “And I did wake up,” he said gently, once a beat had passed. “Because you saved me, Katara. You brought me back.”

Katara gave him a sorrowful smile. “Don’t you get it, Aang? That’s the problem.” Her free hand clenched into a fist, and she slammed it a single time against her chest—right over her heart. “I had the water from the Spirit Oasis. I had control, that was why I was able to heal you then, that was how I was able to make everything okay. But now?”

Katara’s hand uncurled, falling weakly to her side as she shook her head. Another silver tear traced the edge of a shadow that still haunted her cheek, the drop trickling downward. “Now, I don’t have miracles to rely on for help anymore. The only control I have is me, my own abilities, and Tui and La, Aang, I can’t—I can’t lose you again!”

Her voice broke, and Aang threw all forethought to the wind, releasing Katara’s hand to pull her into a hug fiercer than any they’d ever shared before. He didn’t care how her tears wet his shoulder, he didn’t care how desperately her arms locked around his body, no, all he needed was for Katara to know that he was there.

“I’m so sorry,” Aang finally whispered, pathetic and useless as the three words were.

Katara shook her head, face still buried into his shoulder. “Not your fault.”

For the first time since they’d met in the South Pole, Aang had no idea how to comfort her. It won’t happen again, I’ll always be there for you, you’ll always be there for me, we’ll both make it through this—they were empty promises, cheap vows he had no way to guarantee.

“We’re here now,” Aang murmured, pressing the lightest of kisses to the top of her hair. A new three words, a different but still simple action—something about the combination of gestures must have soothed Katara, as Aang could feel her exhale and her body relax against his own. “We’re here now.”

The present was all they could count on.

#kataang #kataangtag #kataang week #katara #aang #kataangst #atla #avatar the last airbender #atla fanfic #tw: discussion of death #amy writes

[loversamongus]

Controlled Emotions | Zuko x Reader

a/n: all these fics end up being the reader as an advisor, I have zero creativity. anyways this is inspired by the song “every single night” by computer games because I was listening to it one day and the first lyric just screamed zuko to me idk so here it is. also i didnt proofread this oops

word count: 1.5k

fic taglist:

Advisor meetings have been tense lately. While a mixture of advisors in age, gender, and political leanings was ideal for gaining multiple perspectives on an issue, it also led to frequent arguments about what was best for the Fire Nation and deadlines being pushed back until the majority of advisors have come to an agreement. Though rewarding at times, the job was certainly frustrating. But all that paled in comparison to the most recent audiences with the young Fire Lord. 

Frustrated by another deadline requested to be pushed back, the Fire Lord’s temper had surged throughout the throne room. You didn’t disagree with him either. People in a small fishing village were becoming seriously ill and many signs seemed to point to the mutations and disease in some of the fish from the river as a result of years of pollution from war efforts. 

“It is not your fault the regime before yours was so ignorant of the people’s needs and other environmental factors.”

“In all honesty, who in their right mind would eat a fish with two heads anyways?”

“The river had been supposedly cleaned by the Avatar and his friends shortly before the end of the war, shouldn’t the responsibility lie with them?”

One after another, an advisor countered the Fire Lord’s efforts to financially back abundant medical aid for the fishing village. One after another, flames grew higher and higher nearly scorching the ceiling as the Fire Lord sat quietly. You noticed his scrunched up expression and knew it was only a matter of time before--

“Am I not, as Fire Lord, responsible for everyone living in the Fire Nation? Am I not, having been Prince of the Fire Nation during the war, responsible for how the war had affected our people? How can we sit here and deny help to our own people who are suffering?!”

After an uncomfortable silence, only one advisor stood up to speak. “And what, Fire Lord Zuko, do you plan to do about those injured in the fights breaking out in the colonies? Or the troops returning home from war injured and jobless? Or the villages in the Earth Kingdom burned down by our nation’s doing? There are many responsibilities this nation bears but solving these problems must be done with appropriate organization and objectiveness, not youthful bullheadedness.”

And with that, the audience was dismissed. 

With no clear resolution in sight, you had made your way to the advisors’ chambers to work on new proposals despite the late night. Getting down the business is usually easy but the otherwise empty and quiet workspace was not as calming and focused as you had hoped. It may have been well past sundown, but bright bursts of light kept erupting and peeking through the windows of the chambers, distracting you every time you went to read or write a new sentence. Having been an advisor for some time now and becoming familiar with the layout of the palace, you knew exactly where the light was coming from.

Abandoning your work, you walked the grounds until you reached the gates of the training space. Sure enough, your suspicions had been correct as you eyed Zuko in the center of the pitch running through different firebending forms. It was a surprise however that only the fire blasting from his fists and feet was what distracted you from your work. You hadn’t heard the angry grunts and yells from the advisors’ chambers.

The sound of the gate closing behind you was enough to make Zuko stop and look up at you. But he simply acknowledged your presence with a nod before continuing into the next set of firebending forms. You took a seat to watch on the sidelines. The silence did not bother you. In fact, it gave you time to relax from your role as advisor to the Fire Lord into friend. Or something more. The details of your relationship with Zuko have not really been sorted out or discussed but either way, you knew your role right now was to be supportive yet honest.

“He was right, you know.”

Zuko let out a low grunt as his response before letting more fire blast from his fist.

“It’s not that the other advisors don’t want to help the village. It’s that we have to divide our resources and aid equally. If we send all our healers to the village, none will be left to take care of the returning troops or the colonies or the elderly in the capital city.”

There was no grunt this time but more flames spat from his fist as he punched it forward through the air.

“And it’s incredibly admirable to see you so compassionate about your people but it would be nice to get through one meeting this week without scorching the ceiling tiles.”

“So am I supposed to rule without a conscience?” he asked coldly without looking at you, the anger he was restraining palpable in his voice.

“No,” you replied levelly. “You heard what Ji said. Objectively does not necessarily mean without a conscience. Actually,” a bit of laughter bubbled up into your conversation. “He suggested you talk more with Katara. ‘Now that’s someone who can keep their emotions in check,’ he said.”

“Having been on the receiving end of her wrath, I beg to differ,” Zuko sighed and released his fists before joining you in the stands. “And I have talked to her. She just laughed at me. She said, ‘Now you know what it’s like not to be taken seriously because you’re too emotional.”

You shifted your body when he sat down beside you so that you could still face him. He did not face you, however, and continued to stare forward at the training grounds and into the night sky. “No one is telling you not to feel or have emotions, Zuko. Just that they shouldn’t control you so much, or cloud your judgment.”

“You sound like Uncle,” he groaned before flopping backwards onto his back. In moments like this, you really realized how young the Fire Lord was. He was still mature and doing his best with such a large responsibility, but despite being five years into his reign, that moody teenager still presented himself at times. 

Leaning onto one arm so that you were closer to Zuko, you laughed softly, “I’m wondering if I should find that flattering.”

Zuko ignored your lightheartedness and continued. “People are always telling me, ‘don’t let your emotions control you.’ But why? Without them, I never could know you.”

“What do you mean?” Your eyes remained fixed on him as you tried to sort out your confusion.

“Do you remember one of the first advisor meetings you were a part of?”

“The one where we were discussing having the Kyoshi Warriors acting as your bodyguards over well-trained firebenders much more familiar with the palace and the land? Absolutely. That was when we discovered your throne wasn’t fireproof.”

“Right. And I came here to blow off some steam and you followed me to say that you were on my side and would work on getting the other advisors to agree to letting the Kyoshi Warriors be my security.”

“I didn’t follow you...”

For the first time that evening, Zuko looked at you with a knowing and pointed grin. You rolled your eyes and urged him to continue making his point. “Anyways, go on.”

“If I hadn’t been feeling so angry, I wouldn’t have come here and you wouldn’t have followed me and we wouldn’t be... I don’t know... us.” He sat up and was so close now that your shoulders brushed against each other.

“It’s not just through anger that I’ve gotten to know you either,” he continued. “When I was anxious about a speech, you were the one who volunteered to work on it with me.”

“You made fun of the way I clapped and said people don’t clap that enthusiastically for common budget updates,” you drawled.

“When I was excited about Uncle coming back to visit, you helped to make sure everything was arranged to his liking.”

“You told me never to tell your uncle that my taste in tea may be superior to his,” you proudly added.

“And when I was sad that you had to leave on a trip to the Earth Kingdom, your letters made me smile because I thought at last someone who has worse handwriting than I do.”

“You take that back!” you gasped, pointing your finger menacingly at Zuko. 

“My point is,” he grabbed your hand in his. “If I was cold and stoic as some of these advisors seem to want me to be, I wouldn’t have gotten to know you. So I’m not going to change the way I feel.”

You smiled softly, happy to see this side of Zuko. The nature of your relationship still felt undefined and you were sure the two of you would figure it out. Eventually. It was a discussion to be had, but one for another day, as this day was nearly over.

“That’s nice,” you playfully patted his hand. “But the next time you decide to feel something, maybe you could do so without destroying the ceiling. Or distracting me with your firebending while I’m trying to do my job.”

You stood up and began to walk away from the stands and out of the training grounds, leaving a smiling Zuko behind you.

“You’re the one who followed me!” he called out.

#atla #avatar #avatar the last airbender #zuko x reader #zuko x you #prince zuko x you #prince zuko #zuko #fire lord zuko #fire lord zuko x reader #fire lord zuko x you #zuko fic

[cablesscutie]

34. “I just want to be there for you.” Zutara, For the fluff prompt list please ☺️

Hello!! You sent me this a very long time ago and then my brain was bad and ground to a screeching halt, but I have been thinking about it this whole time! And now my brain has finally allowed me to make words again these past few weeks, so here it is:

PART 1 \\ PART 2

Even after seeing pictures of Zuko convinces Katara to tentatively agree to Ty Lee’s hairbrained scheme, she still tells herself that she has time to bail. If she really decides that she doesn’t need a date after all, she can just cancel on him and tell Aang her date had food poisoning or something. If worst comes to worst, she can claim that she has food poisoning too and escape the entire mortifying ordeal altogether. Zuko is just an option.

This is the constant refrain in her mind week after week as the date of the wedding approaches, and Katara gets somehow less enthusiastic about it with each passing day. She thinks it as she lets Suki shove her into a fitting room, laden with figure-hugging dresses. She thinks it as she scrolls quickly past Instagram posts counting down the days, politely liking them faster than she can process the sight of fairy lights and mason jars. She thinks it as she impulsively adds a leg waxing to her bi-monthly spa day with Toph. Zuko is just an option.

Just an option with arms that look like they would feel strong and secure around her, and a shy smile, and who’s sweet and playful with kids. Katara lets out a long, frustrated groan and presses her forehead to her desk, rolling it back and forth in a futile attempt to rub out the impending headache of a Friday afternoon. A moment later, she hears the telltale rattle of Suki’s office chair, and then her friend is rolling to a stop beside her.

“You good?” she asks, brushing aside Katara’s hair so she can see her face.

“No,” she sighs, annoyed.

“Is it the rehearsal dinner? Because if you don’t want to go, I can just say you got held late at work.”

“No, no. That’ll be...fine, probably. It’s this whole wedding date thing.”

“Oh do not tell me you’re still being all wishy-washy about it.”

“It just feels like a weird thing to do! I’m just going to show up at my ex’s wedding with this random dude? How will that look?”

“Um, probably like you’ve moved on? Which you have. Objectively. You even had a whole other relationship.”

“Really? Because I think it’ll look like I’m jealous and trying not to be.”

Suki fixes her with disbelieving eyebrows and a laugh. “Trust me, babe. Nobody is going to think that you’re the one that left that relationship pining. You were basically his mom. If this was Jet’s wedding...eh, maybe? But you tend to settle.”

Katara isn’t quite sure if Suki is trying to insult her or compliment her with that statement, and she isn’t sure if her kneejerk, “Hey!” is out of a desire to defend her judgement, or her past partners’ character. Regardless, she doesn’t have much after that to refute the point. Aang seems like a functional enough adult now, a few years out of college, but when they had dated, the “teen” in his nineteen years definitely showed. As for Jet, her much more recent cut, he was...vibing.

“Hon, you’re gonna be fine. I’ve heard Ty Lee and Mai talk about Zuko before, and he sounds like a decent guy. At worst, you have a meh date and escape some social awkwardness, but-” the upward tilt of Suki’s voice had Katara on edge, knowing what was coming next.

“Please, no -”

“- it could be good.”

“No, it can’t be.”

“Ty Lee seems really confident about you two, and you know she’s got a creepy good love radar. After all, she’s the one who convinced me not to block your brother when he slid into my DM’s. Even you told me to block him.”

“She does not have love radar. I love her, but the girl is an unstoppable meddler; she was bound to have a hit once,” Katara dismisses. It’s true that Sokka and Suki are adorable now, and perhaps evidence of the existence of soulmates, but Katara maintains that Ty Lee is a hopeless romantic who believes anything could be the start of an epic love story.

“Fine, be a cynic then. But you’ve already acknowledged that he’s hot, so just go to the wedding with him, and maybe finally rebound from Jet.”

“Hmm,” Katara hums noncommittally.

She’s something of a serial monogamist. She’d left her first real relationship with Aang intending on a summer fling to cleanse her palate before going back for her senior year. After a whirlwind month with the mature and worldly Jiang, she’d been looking into online classes, all but ready to move onto her houseboat and sail away into the sunset. Until Suki pointed out that it was an insane plan, and the ultimately parted ways as planned when Jiang set out to sea again. From there, she had fallen in with Jet as a friend with benefits to blow off steam through her last year without leaving herself open to distraction.

He wasn’t the kind of stable presence she could see herself settling down with, but wasn’t looking to be babied either. No, Jet was more of a feral creature. He knew he was dysfunctional and was fine with it, because function was the system and the system was bogus. Then, she got to know him, and realized that he kept people at a distance for much the same reason she was always pulling them too close. Suddenly, she had grand dreams of showing him the healing power of love, and both of them breaking free of their pain, never needing to fear being alone ever again. He cheated on her, and even as she was shouting at him, she’d known deep down that they had both just repeated their same bad habits all over again.

Now, there is Zuko. Zuko, with tragedy in his scarred eye, and sadness in his smile, but gentle hands on little legs resting on his shoulders. Katara thinks she could make many bad habits out of Zuko, and she is not too proud to admit that it terrifies her. Her stomach turns, and she thinks it might not even be a lie by the time she tells Zuko she’s suddenly too sick to attend the wedding.

The nausea gets worse at the rehearsal dinner, when she walks in to find Jet there, grinning at a bridesmaid. Suki hauls her over to Aang to give him a dressing-down for inviting him, and Katara is somehow reminded in the span of five minutes why she is extremely glad to be rid of both of them.

“I didn’t think it would be a problem!” Aang says, his usual defense. “And he is my friend - we go rock climbing together.”

“Small world,” Suki snarls, and Aang goes wide-eyed, leaning around her to look beseechingly at Katara.

“I swear, I didn’t think you were avoiding each other! After all, we’re exes, and it’s my wedding, but that’s not weird. So I figured you wouldn’t have a problem being in the same room as your other ex.”

Katara grits her teeth behind glossy lips that she forces into a smile, and despite Suki’s murder eyes and the voice in her head telling her not to - to swallow her embarrassment and tell the truth - she finds herself falling back on those old bad habits. “It’s okay, Aang. You had good intentions. We can be adults for one day.”

“Thank you so much Katara,” Aang gushes, lunging forward to wrap her in a hug that pins her arms briefly to her sides. “You’re the best!”

Suki shakes her head in disappointment as he bounds away. “You made your bed,” she reminds Katara. “Guess now you have to decide who to lie in it with.” She glides away to join Sokka at the bar, leaving Katara standing dazed and confused.

“Katara, hey,” an all too familiar voice greets her almost immediately after, and Katara closes her eyes. Suki totally hung her out to dry, and she can’t even be that mad because she’s right.

“Jet,” she says evenly, turning to face him. This shouldn’t be hard for her. While she doesn’t forgive him, she’s also very over him and understands that she’s an idiot for not making Aang ask him to leave. “How are you?”

“Not bad, not bad,” he says, bobbing his head. His clothes are formal but rumpled by disdain for their formality, an effect which once had a liquifying effect on Katara’s insides, but now just feels rude. “I was actually coming over to ask you the same thing,” he says, as though it is a profound inquiry and not the root of all small talk. She opens her mouth to offer a brusque reply and make an excuse to join Sokka and Suki at their table, but he knocks the wind out of her sails with his next words. “Ex’s wedding and all. Brutal.” He gives her a look that she is all to familiar with: his I-see-your-pain look. It was another thing about him that used to push all the right buttons on her, but now she just feels insulted at the presumption that she needs or wants his pity.

“Aang is actually a very dear friend,” she says, trying to sound as impenetrably chipper as possible. “Like a little brother.”

Jet is not deterred, leaning closer to her, his hand just brushing her elbow. “I feel bad about how things ended between us,” he says softly. “I should’ve done better by you.” Katara is momentarily stunned. Is she actually getting a sincere apology? “Which is why I think we should go to the wedding together. I just want to be there for you.”

It’s like a bucket of cold water down her spine, dousing both the fire of her anger and the tiny kindling warmth in her stomach. Katara pulls her shoulders back, straightening her spine, and snaps, “I already have someone to be there for me.”

Jet blinks and rears back a little. “Alright. I’ll, uh. Be looking forward to meeting them then.”

As he slinks away, she feels a moment of deep satisfaction. Only to nearly aspirate her sip of wine as she realizes she has officially painted herself into a corner. Zuko is coming to this wedding.

Thank you! If anyone wants to send me a line or prompt (from this list or your brain) I'll keep it going!

#zutara #zutara fic #my writing #ask game

[headcanonthings]

Zukka + moonspirit!Sokka

So I love to write fics but I’m horrible at committing and finishing them out but here’s a rough outline/headcanon for prince zuko and moonspirit Sokka (this is gonna be long sorry)

To start Hakoda is chief of the Northern water tribe which obvs means that Sokka and Katara as well as Kya and Bato are all NWT (Kanna ran away from sexist Pakku and the southern tribe)

Aang is instead from the the Northern Air temple but still runs away and gets caught in a storm and freezes into an iceberg

The Northen Water Tribe gets attacked as the next expected place for the Avatar but thanks to the spirit oasis they’re a little more protected and are able to mostly withstand the numerous attacks; they still lose people but are not on the brink and still maintain a few waterbenders and Kya doesn’t die

Maybe a fire bender gets past their defenses and she gets burned idk but since there’s still water benders she’s healed up and lives (let the water tribe family be happy)

Sokka basically gets Yue’s backstory so that he can become moonspirit blessed

The war and fire nation all tracks with the show up (Sozin starts it, Iroh loses Lu Ten, Azulon order’s Zuko’s death and Ursa leaves, Ozai takes over) until Zuko’s Agni Kai

Iroh’s basically going through the motions after Lu Ten’s death, his depression made worse with the loss of his father and he pretty much doesn’t care that his birthright has been usurped by his little bro because he’d give it all up, live as the poorest person on earth, as long as it meant he had his son back

BUT THEN OZAI CHALLENGES HIS THIRTEEN YEAR OLD CHILD TO A SPIRITS DAMNED AGNI KAI

Iroh starts off with giving his brother the benefit of the doubt, like he knows the guys isn’t the greatest father but he’s not gonna HURT his kid right? Wrong. So the second Ozai cups his son’s face and Iroh sees the flames he snaps out of it and jumps into action

He literally jumps into the ring and pushes Ozai away, challenges him on the spot for the throne and Ozai might be the Fire Lord but Iroh is the MOTHER FUCKEN DRAGON OF THE WEST and kicks the guys ass

Ozai is thrown into the royal prison (and probably has some large burns because his brother can breathe fire??? And Iroh maybe vindictively made sure to burn the hand he hurt Zuko with so that everytime Ozai sees it he’ll remember why he’s there)

Zuko still has his scar but thanks to Iroh’s intervention it’s a little lighter, his sight and hearing on that sides a little fucked, and the outline of a handprint a little easier to discern but instead of the all encompassing shame and anger and pain when Zuko looks at his scar he’s reminded of how much his Uncle loves him and what he did to protect him (thinks of how much his mom loves him and probably Lu Ten because you can’t convince me that Iroh’s kid wasn’t like the best cousin ever)

He’s still a little self conscious of it because come on it’s a giant face scar from his father and he’s a teenager but it’s not as bad as in the show

Newly crowned Fire Lord Iroh declares the war over and since the 94 year or whatever war isn’t that catchy and Iroh wants it to be acknowledged that it was the fire nations fault it starts to be referred to as Sozin’s War

So fast forward three/four years and the world is slowly moving towards peace Fire Lord Iroh is hosting a small delegation of the leaders of the different nations to really start ironing out official peace treaties which means Hakoda and Fam come down from the North Pole and everyone finally meets!

BONUS

Lu Ten was a non-bender so became super skilled at a number of diff weapons and fighting styles

Zuko is understandablely freaked out by fire bending for awhile after the whole facing his father in a fire duel thing — Iroh remembers how Zuko seemed to like watching Lu Ten practice his swordsman skills so he calls on his good friend Master Piandao

Piandao takes one look at this little traumatized boy and goes ‘Bitch let’s get you some sword therapy’ and hands Zuko his first set of dao swords and during their training while Zuko’s too focused on getting his forms right he doesn’t realize that they’re not talking about swords anymore and instead he tells him about the Agni Kai and his scar and how he’s scared of his own fire

Piandao is the first person Zuko ever tells about how the Agni Kai wasn’t the first time his father hurt him; he’s also the first non family person Zuko’s ever cried in front of and gotten a hug from

Hakoda and Bato never leave to fight but make regular weeks long trips out to keep the defenses up so there’s still some worry that he won’t come back; Sokka’s not allowed to come along because his parents are a little over protective because of how he was born and only alive because the moonspirit blessed him but they still let him do some warrior training after Sokka convinced them about needing to know how to protect himself as son of the chief plus how kya was hurt

“If they got in once they can do it again!”

Sokka and Katara sneak out one day because they feel the need to make sure the Fire Navy is really retreating and they end up in some SiblingFight TM and Katara might have some people to help train her water bending but she’s still a teen girl and when she gets worked up her control kind of gets iffy and she ends up cracking a giant iceberg and FINDS A WEIRD BOY

A WEIRD BOY WHO TURNS OUT TO BE THE LAST AIRBENDER AND THE AVATAR

with Fire Lord Iroh declaring the war over and everyone slowly starting to believe him there’s no rush to get Aang powered up so instead the Water Tribe Sibs take him home and focus on figuring out what happened to Aang and giving him a history lesson in a more relaxed manner

They still take him to the air temple which is hard but Aang won’t believe them about the war until he sees proof and well the Fire Navy is gone and there is no angsty teen hunting him

Hakoda more or less adopts the kid while Aang hangs around the north pole to train and become BFFs with Sokka and Katara

Toph gets tired of her overprotective parents and runs away after she hears them wailing about marriage prospects or something; she finds her way to Omashu where some weird old crazy guy finds her and he says he’s king which is kind of confusing but whatever he gives her a place to stay, doesn’t expect her to act like a lady or treat her like a porcelain doll, he’s kind of funny and is a freaking amazing earth bender (almost as good as her)

Aang comes with Hakoda as part of his fam for the Peace Summit while Toph accompanies Bumi as part of the Earth Kingdom delegation and so the Gaang comes together while the adults fix shit like they should

Zukka specific

Iroh and Zuko greet all the delegations personally so Zuko’s first sight of Sokka is in full Water Tribe regalia and he thinks the white haired boy is the prettiest person he’s ever seen in his life

Sokka has pretty much the same reaction seeing the Prince of The Fire Nation (he feels a little bad about it because it’s only been like three years since the war ended and a lot of people still view the Fire nation as the enemy)

Sokka can’t sleep one night, he’s a bit of a night owl because of his connection, so he’s wandering around about trying to find an open quiet spot so that he can talk to the moon (the spirit saved him so he likes to talk to it like it’s his friend) when he catches Zuko practicing his dao

Zuko has nightmares and going through his dao forms relaxes him along with spending time at his precious turtleduck pond

Sokka is full on smitten after that (there’s nothing more attractive than a boy competently handling two swords)

Sokka asks Zuko to show him how to use his swords

There’s shy flirting between the two and good natured teasing from the others

Mai and Ty Lee come up with little schemes to get Zuko and Sokka alone which clash with the schemes Aang and Katara come up with

Toph choas goddess she is bounces between the two groups throwing out comments that she’s knows will cause the two different schemes to clash

#okay this ended up being way longer than i expected #sorry #zukka #moonspirit sokka #zuko #sokka #a;tla #hakoda #katara #aang #toph #king bumi #uncle iroh #fire lord iroh #headcanon #long post

[myfandomrambles]

Azula Character Analysis

Born a princess with a high position

Was favored by her father and second in her mother's eyes

Deeply skilled bender from a young age

Attended the royal girl Fier Nation academy and had private tutors

Was around severe abuse emotional and occasionally physical

Abandoned by mother due to political intrigue which affected her

Aware of her parents' murder of her grandfather

Rose to crown princess after her father coronation and brother banishment which she watched

Was used as a weapon by her father against her uncle and bother by age 14

Had a few friends who became partners in hunting the avatar her brother

Was a skilled tactician able to infiltrate the heart of the earth kingdom

Overthrow the earth king

Nearly killed the avatar

Achieved high status for this but shared it with her brother is a skilled protective manner

Had a tumultuous relationship with her brother

Betrayed by her friends 

Attempted to kill her brother

Became fire lord but felt rejected through this as she was unable to claim victory along with her father

Suffered a mental health breakdown 

Was beaten by Zuko & katara in an Agni Kai losing her status 

Overview:

Azula is a complex character who is gifted, clever, beautiful, and deeply psychologically injured. Her story is one of abuse, manipulation, and war. She was raised by abusive people in a cult of power and supremacy; by the age of 14, she was being used to put the same trauma out on the entire world. 

The prime driver for Azula’s character is the necessity to retain control over her situation and due to her status as the princess of the world’s dominant power, this is control over everything. Control and power are the only things Azula truly understands as valuable. This control also equals safety, safety from physical harm during a battle, and emotional harm by others. We can see this control manifest in her emotional distress at having even one hair out of place during her training (2x01). She uses her place of power to hold fear over other people, those she considers lesser than her, by invoking the fear of losing their place and physical harm. Her social power and skill in bending back up the threats. 

Azula’s need for control started as a child who grew up being taught through the iron hand of Ozai who demanded perfection. Her status as a prodigy with fire bending, physical aptitude, and intelligence gave her positive attention from her father but also led her to be inculcated even stronger into the idea that fear is the only way. Her father taught with the fear of retribution for failure as much as any positive attention. The more blatant abuse Zuko suffered from their father for showing what was perceived as weakness and emotionality was another teacher that she must always control every part of her. (2x07, 3x06)

This control via strength without understanding was worsened by her other connections. Her mother failed to connect and attune to her daughter so even in early childhood they were always moving past each other. Azula’s failure to show empathy was met with judgment and punishment and we don’t see them ever repair the relational rupture. Their mother then abandoned them accompanied by their parents murdering their grandfather and threats against her brother. Leaving her with only Ozai as a point of influence and even more surrounded by violence. (2x07)

Azula also gained little perspective outside of the pure ideology of the fire nation royal family and royal academy for girls. She carried the beliefs of fire supremacy and nationalism with no outside input which left her with the schemas of power in her nascent socio-political awareness and added to the stunting of her ability to gain empathy. She was taught to view the world as nations and people only worth understanding to beat not for its own sake. (2x07, 2x19-20, 3x05, 3x06)

This pain leaves her spending the whole second season [spanning months] as a weapon of her father. She is forced to travel around the world, originally with only staff, with the goal of hurting her own family in the name of not being shamed. To prove she can do it she gives herself the task of stopping the avatar. Azula is able to escape a fight with some of the strongest benders we see in the show easily and is persistent to a fault. (2x03) We see her skills of strategy and combat shine here as well as many of her trauma responses. The biggest one being she is acting in a mindset that can not shift from using the world and not experiencing it. (2x01, 2x03, 2x07-8, 2x13, 2x15)

 Azula’s pure genius shows in her ability to take over Ba Sing Se on her ability to read other people, manipulate court games, and her sheer belief in her infallibility. We see her play the Dai Li and Long Feng with only the backup of her two friends. She has an iconic moment of power “Don’t flatter yourself you were never even a player” and invokes her belief in the divine right of kings or lords. (2x18-20)

Once she proves herself and can bring her brother and uncle home, if in a way not planned, putting her back in a secure place of princess she longs to keep. We see her try and maintain control by being the one who understands both her father and Zuko. We see her struggle greatly with normal life but thrive within the system of the place. (3x05-6, 3x11)

However, we see her set world start to collapse when Zuko leaves and her only two friends choose to take a chance for love versus staying in her control bubble. This challenges her sense of safety she works so hard to maintain. It also goes against her understanding of interpersonal relationships and her innate power. (3x11, 3x13, 3x15)

This causes a breakdown in the end. However, this leaves her without a throne and a sense of safety. After the show, we see her mental health stay in a deteriorated state, struggle with the past, and joins a group that wants to harm the new age of peace. (3x18-20, Comics: The Promise Part Three, The Search. Smoke and Shadow)

Relationships:

Zuko

Zuko and Azula are one of the key family dynamics within the story. Azula acts as a foil to Zuko during their childhood being the golden child to his scapegoat. She was Ozai’s favorite whereas Zuko was closer to Ursa. They both suffered severe trauma as young people but Azula spent the time trying to not be viewed as poorly as Zuko. (3x07, The Search) Something she directly tells their father, to not be treated like Zuko (3x18). Building your relationship with your sibling as wanting to prove you are better than them sets them up too but heads, something she acknowledges was also going to come down to them deciding who is the right one to succeed their father. 

During the main plot, we see them start as the predator and the prey (2x01, 2x08). Both of them lived in the mindset Ozai Taught them, she was born lucky and he was lucky to be born (1x20, 2x07). She is the long arm of their father only claiming some autonomy when she chooses her team and attacks the avatar as well (2x03, 2x08). 

Azula brings Zuko back into their fold because next to Iroh she understands Zuko the best. She knows easily the only thing he wants is to feel in control of his life and craves the respect of their father, these are things she also needs. We see her also offer the double-sided act of letting Zuko take credit. It is partially protective as should he live Azula is protected, Suko would be the one who failed. It can also be some degree of kindness for her brother because she does like the system the way it is and Zuko being in pain causes worse stress. 

They continue to bump heads as we see Azula feel most at home within the bureaucracy whereas he struggles to feel as if it was right. Zuko still carries the pain of shame for his actions at the same time Azula pushes much of her emotion down. Part of this is Azula knows where she stands and as long as others play the part she has no worries. Zuko breaks this steady normal as a child when he wants to be empathetic to soldiers and again when he feels the need to save the earth kingdom she wanted to kill in total war. (3x01, 3x05, 3x16)

Their reactions during The Day of Black Sun (3x11) set them on their paths for the end and they mirror each other. Azula uses the time to play her role and waits for the fire bending to turn on to win. Zuko uses the time to pull away from their father for good. They continue to be antagonistic and Zuko is an axle in her relational rupture with Ty Lee and Mai. (3x14-16)

Their final Agni Kai for the title of Firelord shows how much Zuko has learned in his complex bending style and ability to hold control while we notice Azula loose form entirely relying almost completely on her raw power. Her very body language giving off how sick she is currently in her movements now disjointed and lacking precision which conflicts with the controlled fighting we see from Katara and Zuko. (3x18-21).

They have spent their whole life used as pawns by their parents and stuck in the milieu of war and suffering. Azula’s status as her father’s favorite offers her the status Zuko wants but she also lacks the time and ability to grow Zuko earned through his relationship with Uncle Iroh. Their understanding of each other is strong but Azula fails to offer sympathy to her brother when he chooses things she wouldn’t and treats him poorly. And Zuko needs to be able to challenge her so he can properly heal, along with team avatar, the fissures in the world.

Ursa

We see that Azula and Ursa do not understand each other and the abuse they both suffer disallowed them to properly attach. Ursa didn’t understand Azula’s natural predispositions or her trauma which left Azula often being told off by her mother or treated as separate from the bond Ursa had with Zuko. I wouldn’t go as far as to say Ursa was forming a scapegoat golden child dynamic more so she couldn’t bring herself to look past her trauma. (2x07, The Promise, & The Search)

During the fire nation teens' conversation at ember island, we see that Azula generalized her mother's view of her as a monster as much as the other conditioning she had as a kid. This whole where her mother’s attunement should be opened even more space for what Ozai taught her. Azula lack’s a full ability to process this but it is the one time we see Azula even come close to verbalizing painful emotions other than paranoia and anger. (3x05)

If we are to believe the memory we see from Iroh (1x12) she was already immune to violence as a pre-teen believing that Ozai’s assault of Zuko was justified and even taking gratification from it. This play into her relationship with her mother as the gentleness her mother might have displayed towards her child was missing making the hardest part of the indoctrination become the most prevalent. Worsen when Ursa abandons her children and seeks out her new life. The effects of this are her willingness to be cavalier with life, and failure to attach to others (3x17).

Azula’s relationship with her mother ends up being the breaking point in space after the betrayal of her friends. When we see her experience hallucinations and paranoid thought they center around her mother and their relationship, rather there was love or not being the central question. (3x19) 

Paranoid delusions around her mother continue in the comics where we see Azula unable to interact from a clear headspace. (The Search)

Ozai

Ozai is Azula's main force of identity shaping her internal and external perceptions to the point of making her more of a human tool than a real daughter. The craving for her father's need is just as strong as Zuko’s but instead of trying to restore it her job is to keep it and not rock the boat. This is seen in her letting Zuko take credit for the killing the avatar which brings her brother back in (3x01) and when she asks Ozai to not treat her like Zuko when he becomes the phoenix king (3x20)

Throughout the show, everything she does is to please her father from going after her brother and then succeeding in killing Aang. (2x01-2x20). She also parrots her father's belief about weakness, fears power, and the might of the fire nation. Examples include naming the city New Ozai, demanding the divine right of kings, and her obsessive focus on acting and appearing perfect. 

Ozai’s abuse permeated everything Azula was and is leading to her becoming the shadow of a person we see at the end of the series. 

Ty Lee & Mai

Next to her blood family Mai & Ty Lee are her most influential relationships. She considers them generally friends starting when they went to the same school (2x07). We see that even as a child she had the highest status in the group and already needed to win. However, they do seem to have some genuine care for the princess even if it is never balanced. For example, when recruiting Ty Lee she uses manipulation and fear to force her back into serving the fire nation. (2x03). Mai and Ty Lee are skilled fighters making them useful to Azula, something she values more than anything other than loyalty. She has trouble conceptualizing their emotions as validly seen in her calling their emotions performances, however in the same episode we see her care about making Ty Lee cry and experience very human emotions of envy herself. They bond over their traumas and their shared love of destruction (3x05).

None of the three of them are particularly well adjusted but what Azula has on her side is an utter belief in her competence and her belief that their friends will fall in line with that ambition. For the most part, they do; Ty Lee often flatters her and Mail generally does as she’s told when Azula is around. However one of Azula’s most pivotal moments comes when this obedience falls through. Mai loves Zuko more than she fears Azla’s wrath and Ty Lee can’t bear to see them hurt each other. Earning one of Azula's most characterizing lines ``You should have feared me more”. This betrayal and shift in her stable world put Azula over the edge and fuels paranoid thoughts and a slip into worse mental illness. (3x14)

To consider Mai and Ty Lee to be the manipulative ones or otherwise treat them as the bad or abusive party to Azula is unfair. They are doing what they can as they believe Azula has the right to be in charge and suffer consequences when they step out of line. However, it’s equally unfair to assume everything Azula does is machiavellian; she too is acting on sincerely held beliefs and as a daughter of abusive or neglectful parents. I think Azula has a hard time conceptualizing others as full people objectifying them in her schema of the world but unlike some of her behavior to Zuko, I doubt it’s intentionally cruel. 

Developmetnal Trauma

Adulti-fication (2x01,2x03, 2x07, 2x08, 2x13 2x19-20, 3x01-2, 3x05, 3x15, & 3x18-21)

Anger (3x13-20)

Control fixations (2x01, 2x03, 2x07, 2x7, 2x13, 2x19, 3x01, 3x05, 3x15, & 3x18-21)

Conditioned Value Systems (2x01, 2x07, 2x19-20, 3x01, & 3x05)

Empathic Deficits (2x03, 2x07, 2x15, 3x05, & 3x11)

Harm to Animals (2x07 & 2x15)

Hypervigilance (2x01, 2x03, 2x07, 2x08, & 2x19-20)

Obsessive Thoughts (2x01, 2x03, 3x05, & 3x18-21)

Locus of Control breakdown (2x01,2x07,  2x15, 3x05, 3x14, & 3x18-21)

Paradoxical Arousal, [Functions best during high-stress situations and worse under normal or positive] (2x03, 3x05, 3x13-5)

Paranoid Thoughts (3x18-21)

Perfectionism (2x01, 2x07, 3x05, 3x13, & 2x17-20)

Positive & Negative Psychosis Symptoms (3x18-21)

Recklessness (2x03, 2x07, 2x08, 3x05, & 3x15-16)

Risk Seeking Behaviors (2x03, 2x13, 2x15, & 3x11)

Social issues (3x05)

Trust Issues (2x13, 3x01, 3x11, 3x13, & 3x18-21)

Violent Play Behaviors (2x07 & 3x05)

#topic: #Character Study #Analysis Series #character analysis #meta #character: #Ursa #fire lord ozai #Zuko #Azula #type: #my post #txt #cw: #child abue #ships: #zuko & azula #azula & ozai #Azula & Ursa #Azula & Mai #Azula & Ty Lee #Azula & Mai & Ty Lee #other: #trauma and media #abuse and media #atla meta #atla analysis #avatar meta #Avatar The Last Airbender #azula meta

[bellatrixobsessed1]

I’ll Meet You At The Bottom (Part 20)

“I’m sorry, Sokka.” Her voice was barely above a whisper. She pressed her cheek into the pillow.

 “You should apologize to yourself, not me.” He replied, rubbing circles over her back, when that failed to soother her, he tried trailing his fingers through Azula’s locks. She seemed to get more comfort out of that so he kept it up.

 “I had to do it.” She muttered. “I couldn’t take it anymore.”

 Were it not tucked under her pillow, he would have taken her hand. “Maybe you should just focus on one thing first. You haven’t thought about cactus juice in a while.”

 “That sounds nice right now.” She replied. Her head was still beating. The only thing the intake of tears seemed to do for her was ease the tremors. At least for a few hours, they were back and worse than before. She found herself lapsing in and out of periods of confusion, periods where she couldn’t remember what she had said or done.

 Nights and days blended together. Three or four may have passed, but she couldn’t say for sure. It didn’t really matter how many had gone by, things didn’t seem to get any easier. She felt queasy and sore all the time. Her eyes burned and watered and her chest constantly constrained. The only thing that kept her going were the days she allowed herself a pinch of the tears—every other day, just enough to her a lift. Today was one such day. Combined with the cactus juice withdrawal, she knew she was in for another restless night. But she sprinkled some of the reddish powder onto the dresser regardless. She tired to get Sokka to step out for a moment, she could never seem to inhale the tears when he was in the room. It brought her a sense of discomfort to have someone watching her ruin herself. This time Sokka didn’t step out, instead he reclined in her armchair.

 “Not this time.” He replied. “I know what you’re doing, I don’t see what difference it makes to send me away.”

 “You said you paint?” Azula asked.

 He crinkled his brows, “what does that have to do with anything?”

 “Do you like people watching you paint?”

 “No, but…”

 “They know that you’re painting, so why does it matter.” Azula mumbled, pushing the powder around with her finger.

 “It just feels weird and uncomfortable.” He replied. “I feel like I’m being judged.

 “Exactly.” Azula agreed as she pulled him to his feet. With what remained of her energy, she tugged him across the room and heaved him into the hallway.

 “I won’t judge you.” He tried as she started to shut her door.

 “How about this, you show me that painting you keep talking about, and I’ll let you stay.” She offered.

 “Ya know what, I think I like it out here. This hallway is pretty nice.” He smiled. “That is one lovely vase.” His false interest was lightly amusing, she almost stayed to listen to him ramble on, but the tears called. Whatever he was painting he was protective over it. She decided that it must be truly mortifying if he would rather yield and let her inhale the tears in peace. Frankly, it peaked her curiosity—one day, when she was better, she would search out this mysterious painting. She stashed the pouch back to where she had retrieved it from and beckoned Sokka back inside. She sat herself down upon her bed and with her last minutes of coherence, switched out the dressings on her foot. It was taking a while, much longer than usual to recover from her infection and even from the trivial scrapes and bruises. It was becoming a nuisance, one she hoped would vanish when she finally found the strength to separate from the Ruby Tears once and for all. She fell back onto the bed and waited for her perception to alter. For a brief period she thought about what it must be like for Sokka to watch her stumble around and babble nonsensically. She ought to be embarrassed. She, for the first time, considered how odd it was that she was more uncomfortable with Sokka watching her take the tears than to witness her on them. The musings slowly muffled until they became no more, replaced by wispy and light music in pitches and melodies she’d never heard before. It was like spirit music, soft, lulling spirit music. She could have been humming along, she thinks that she was.

 .oOo.

 Azula is again lost in her own world. At least these past few times, her world hasn’t been petrifying, it seemed to make her happy. He just wished that her happiness wasn’t so artificial. She helped him realize that he’d rather be miserable and angry than engrossed in some kind of mock joy. For once she was rather mellow, she lie on the bed staring at something he couldn’t see; something that made her smile, that made her laugh. If only he could manage to do that, maybe then she wouldn’t have taken the tears.

Perhaps, he pondered, he should try it. His humor had ruined a lot of things, had pushed a lot of people away. But those people already had laugher. Maybe he could give his jokes to someone who could use them. Though he didn’t think his sense of humor was the same as Azula’s. It couldn’t hurt to try. If she took well to his jests, he might be able to tell them without fear.

 He sighed to himself, he was placing a lot on Azula whether she knew it or not. He felt guilty all over again. He was placing his wellbeing on her and she didn’t even know it. He was placing his peace of mind and happiness on someone who was struggling to maintain her own. Deep down he felt like he was using her more than he was supporting her. Not for the first time he speculated that he was helping her only to meet his own ends. Would he stick around if he found himself in a more stable place? Would it matter if he didn’t? She was always one to assist people when it would suit her needs, why should he care?

 “Hey, socks?” Her voice was soft. Innocent almost.

 “Sokka.” He corrected.

 She gave him a dismissive hand flap. “Thanks for staying with me.” She reached her hand out and snatched at something he couldn’t see, with a whispered, ‘caught it’, before she turned her focus back to him. “I’m happy you stayed.”

 In those four words he decided that it did matter if he used her. In those for words he knew that he would stick around even if he found that he didn’t need her anymore. And in those four words he realized that he couldn’t possibly be using her, he cared for her. As truly infuriating as she could be, he had told her the truth when she asked him if he did. Still, that didn’t change that he was placing a heavy burden on unsuspecting shoulders.

 Her look was very far away but she spoke again. “No one has ever stayed with me before. I’m glad you stayed.” She was on her feet and moving about as if seeking something or someone out. “I like you, Sokka.” She made off as though she were plucking something from the wall. She stroked whatever it was before pulling his arm out. In his palm she placed something she clearly thought was beautiful. Fleetingly, he wished he could see it too.

 She folded her arms around him and nestled her cheek against his chest. Against what might have been his better judgment, he returned the first gesture and let her coo kind things to him as she tapped her finger on his torso. Mostly about how he was helpful but with a sprinkle of comments on his abs and the like. He had to admit it has been some time since anyone has given him praise or acknowledgement. Coming from her, it seemed somehow more flattering.

He didn’t know how much of it was the drugs talking and how much of it was the princess herself. It didn’t matter, it felt good to be praised. Maybe just this once, he would accept a possibly false sense of joy.

 He hoped that she would remember the moment.  

He would.

 .oOo.

 Azula woke feeling dizzy and feverish, she didn’t know that she could even call what she had done waking up. It had become the norm for her to feel surreal sensations. Ambiances that she, even with all of the extravagant literacy she’d acquired, couldn’t describe. But the feeling that came over her was particularly indescribable. Whenever she thought she’d picked out a word for the feeling, it left her mind. It alarmed her, usually the trips didn’t last so long. She couldn’t recall a time where they lingered into the next morning. Something was different, she couldn’t place it.

 She remained in such a state for hours, slowly detaching from herself in a way she never had before. She couldn’t seem to feel her weight, couldn’t feel her body at all. She would move her arm, left and right, slowly and then quickly. Azula could see the motion, she knew she was moving, but she couldn’t feel it. It was like watching someone else’s hand.

 “Azula are you alright?” Sokka asked. “What are you doing with your hand over there.” He cracked a smile.

 And when she answered, the words didn’t seem to come from her own lips, “I’m fine, my hand just fell asleep.” She didn’t think that, that was a lie, but she didn’t know that it was the truth either.

She let him return to his book.

 When sensation did return, there was a fuzzy sort of electric feeling in her hand. Though she wasn’t working with her bending. The tingling continued. There was a peculiar taste in her mouth like copper maybe, mixed with salt. Azula ran her finger over her lips and on the inside of her cheek, they came up free of blood. Nothing explained the metallic taste. “Can you get me something to eat?” She asked, she wasn’t especially hungry but she would do just about anything to rid herself of the taste.

 “Sure, what do you have in mind?” He asked.

 “It doesn’t matter. Just no duck meat, I don’t like duck.”

 “I think I can manage that.” He replied.

 She rolled onto her side, waiting for the tingling to subside.

 .oOo.

 Sokka never knew what to expect when leaving Azula. He loathed leaving her on her own because she always seemed to have a surprise for him when he returned. He was growing weary of surprises. He greeted Toph first. “Long time no see.”

 “Long time, never saw.” Toph rose her eyes. “It’s good to talk to you again Sokka.”

 “How is Azula?” Aang asked. “Katara said she seemed better.”

 “I guess in some ways she is.” Sokka replied.

 “Does she need another waterbending session?” Katara asked.

 Sokka was hit with another pang of guilt. Lately all he’d been doing was coming downstairs to ask Katara to pacify Azula. “No, she needs something to eat. How have you been, Katara?”

 “I’d be better if you came down more often.” He could hear some resentment in her voice and he didn’t blame her for it. He would ask her to visit but Azula still didn’t take well to guests. She still had too many secrets to guard.

 “I’ll try to.” Sokka replied. He meant it, with any luck he could get Azula in a comfy enough state to leave her room for a few minutes. It would do her well to talk to other people. “I’ll see if I can get Azula to tag along.”

 “Good luck with that.” Toph grumbled.

 “I think that sounds great.” Aang smiled.

 He turned back to Katara as he prepared a meal for he and Azula. “Anything interesting happen down here.”

 “Zuko and Appa got into a fight,” Katara replied, “that was pretty interesting.”

 “He lost.” Toph added.

 “What was it over.” Sokka asked.

 “I parked him to close to where his palanquin is usually parked.” Aang explained. “He threatened to give me a fine.”

 “I think Zuko’s getting bored. He hasn’t had many problems lately so he’s trying to make some.” Katara rolled her eyes. “It’s very like him to do that.”

 Sokka laughed, he forgot how much he missed his crew. The price of caring for Azula was becoming apparent. He let himself dwell on it a bit more. Was he coddling her? She was doing well enough staying away from the cactus juice, it might not hurt to leave her by herself for a little while. He could go for some fresh air. “Maybe we can go have a picnic in the palace garden?” Sokka offered. “After I give Azula her food.”

 “That sounds wonderful, Sokka.”

 It struck him then that he hadn’t had a picnic since the one with Suki, suddenly his own suggestion lost its appeal.

 “You’re still alive!” Zuko laughed. “I didn’t know if I was going to see you again.”

 “Yeah.” He said rubbing his head. “I’m still around.”

 “Azula isn’t’ giving you a hard time, is she?” He asked.

 “Maybe a little.” It was and understatement. “She’s alright though.” Even as he spoke, he couldn’t help but think of what surprise she might have in store for him when he came back to her. Of all of the scenarios that played out in his mind—from her complaining about his cooking and refusing to eat it to her downing a bottle of cactus juice—he didn’t imagine the scene she actually had prepared for him.

 He thought he would give her a surprise of her own. Zuko was rather insistent on checking on her. So long as she was still in bed, she probably couldn’t get too angry. As always, she was one step ahead of him.

 He found her on the ground, her body twitching and spasming, a light froth bubbling between her lips.

 She must have hit her head on the way down, a steady flow of read trickled between her eyes. His platter collided with the floor. When he looked to his left Zuko was gone, likely to fetch Katara. Once again Azula would have the palace in turmoil. He snatched up a pillow and put it beneath her head. Agni knew how many times it had already knocked against the floor.

 Her eyes met his for a second before flickering away. She was in a perilous state and he couldn’t do anything for her. He clenched his teeth. He was going to lose it again. He couldn’t, not yet. He didn’t know if he said it more to convince himself or to convince her, “it’s going to be alright, you’re going to be just fine.” Sokka didn’t even know if she could hear him. But he took her hand and held it until the jerking came to a stop.

He wiped her mouth and stroked the back of her hand. Her awareness waned, he was cradling a limp body in his arms. “You just got back.” He mumbled, “you can’t leave me too.”

 Just like that he was gone again, thrown right back into the past when he held sea-logged Suki’s body for the first time. She was wet and cold and didn’t feel human. Her lips a sickly blue, skin unnaturally puffy. It didn’t matter that Azula’s body was still very warm nor that her skin still had patches of color. In that moment there was no separation between she and Suki.

 “You have to let go of her, Sokka.” Katara tried gently as she worked to pry his hands away.

 He wouldn’t let her do it, he wouldn’t let her take Suki from him again.

 “If you don’t let go of her, we can’t help her.” Katara tried once more.

 He clutched Azula closer. He wouldn’t let them burry Suki again. In retrospect, Sokka couldn’t hold it against Zuko. As harsh as knocking him out was, they probably wouldn’t have been able to take Azula in any other way. The firebender came to before he did. From the sound of it she was still dizzy and disoriented. Her voice sounding hazy and puzzled.

 Zuko left him with little time to regain his bearings. He could see the temper, so characteristic of his family, flaring in his eyes. As soon as Sokka sat up, the Fire Lord had him pulled to the side. “Sokka, what’s wrong with her?” He demanded quite roughly. “I want the truth this time.”

 Part of Sokka wanted to throw it back at him and ask when he started to care. Wanted to ask, where he has been this whole time. He didn’t have the energy for a fight, even if he did, he didn’t want a fight. But he didn’t want to sever the little trust he had acquired with Azula.

 “We can’t really help her if we don’t know what’s wrong.” Katara added. “Please, tell us what’s going on.”

 Azula was going to be pissed, very much so. With as much dejection as he felt he answered, “she’s on drugs.”

#Sokkla #Azula #Sokka #Toph #Aang #katara #Zuko #Avatar #Fanfiction