#but it’s real and i am experiencing it today

[kakuchari]

HELLO ARIIII🤭 could i maybe have first times with kakucho? it doesnt have to be virginity loss, it can be just your first time together but i leave the choice to you🫶 maybe have him a bit on the more vulnerable side/insecure side at first?

-> you’re new to this, aren’t you? | 2,001 words. afab!reader, vulnerable!kakucho, slight angst/hurt + comfort vibes, cunnilingus (reader!receiving), fingering (reader!receiving), reader teaches kakucho how to eat (their) pussy basically, reader calls kakucho "baby, kakucho calls reader "pretty baby", haitani slander bc i can never leave ran and rindou alone ever lmfao

a/n: snow u know i love a good vulnerable big man concept <3 i hope i did this well for u!! i know i like to write kakucho as being experienced but having you be his first real relationship and wanting to teach him is so sexy of him :( god i wanna suck the skin off him jfc

“You’re new to this, aren’t you?”

You feel Kakucho’s breath still in his chest, his hands freezing on your skin. His eyes are wide, pupils blown, but his white teeth flash as he gnaws at his bottom lip. He doesn’t have to say it, but you can sense what he means. I am new to this. Nobody’s ever wanted me like this before.

It stings in your chest, the realization, and you reach up to cup his cheeks, brushing your thumb across the scar winding along the side of his face. He flinches, but you don’t stop.

“Hey. Talk to me.”

His breath is ragged when he finally sucks oxygen in, and he looks at you pointedly, hands firm on your chest, grasping your breasts tightly as if they’ll keep him from floating away. As if they’ll keep him grounded with whatever he’s about to say.

“S-Sorry, I—”

“Don’t apologize, Kaku. It’s okay, baby.”

Another ragged breath. “Thank you. I-I am new to this, just…I’ve done things before but not with someone who- someone who loves me like you love me and I’m…I’m scared of fucking up.”

His voice grows smaller and quieter as he continues on with his confession, and he moves away from you, attempting to cover his face with his hands, leaving you cold from the sudden loss of body heat. You follow him, though, connected to him like a magnet as you grasp his hands, moving them away from his face. There’s a rage within you, aggressively boiling up as his words sink in.

You and Kakucho were relatively new to the whole sex thing. YOu’d had plenty of partners before, and Kakucho had not; there wasn’t exactly a lot of time to get down and dirty when you’re in a gang; although the Haitanis seemed to disprove that statement, but then again, it’s also the Haitanis.

You’d suggested it today, when you were feeling a little frisky, and he’d approached you gently, removing your shirt and bra expertly, but in actually doing anything beyond kissing, he seemed to fumble and be very insecure about his movements. It almost felt like someone had scolded him into telling him he didn’t do anything right; which wasn’t true, he did know what he was doing on a basic level, but he just needed some fine-tuning.

It makes you angry to know there was someone, or multiple someones, who used the man sitting before you; not teaching him how to pleasure someone properly, or not caring about him enough to bother. Or, even worse, not being intimate with him in a way where he had a chance to gain experience in the first place. The man who’d do anything for you, who makes you dinner on a rough day, who covers the chores when all you want to do is rot in bed all day, who is always there to dry your tears and hold you.

You’d do the same for him, of course. That’s what you’re doing now as you drag him into your embrace, pressing his face into your chest. He takes a deep breath again, and you feel something wet against your skin. You can tell he’s crying; you coo at him, running your nails along his buzz cut, pressing kisses against his temple and scalp and anywhere you can reach as you lay back down, refusing to let him go and run off and isolate himself.

“It’s okay, I promise it’s okay,” you repeat over and over, like a mantra in his ear as he silently cries, tears dripping onto your bare chest and sliding down your sternum.

“A-Are you sure?”

You stiffen, digging your nails into his scalp. “Yes. Why would I have said that if I didn’t mean it?”

“Well, other people have—”

You push his head up, cupping his face again so he can look directly at you again. Your eyebrows are furrowed, that anger still bubbling underneath your skin as you stare into him, the glassy red-and-white stare of the man you love so much the only thing stopping you from not leaving right now and finding the addresses of all the people who have slighted him.

He didn’t deserve that, as much as he thinks he does.

“You didn’t deserve that, Kakucho.”

At the mention of his full name, he flinches again, but it’s not out of fear. It’s out of surprise, like he’s shocked you care this much about him, but he nods. He clearly expects you to stop, but your hands are firm against his face as you keep going.

“You didn’t deserve that at all. I love you, okay?” you say, your voice rising slightly in volume, firm and rock solid, giving him something he can cling onto, “I love you so much, and I want this with you, and I want to help you. I want to teach you. I want you, all of you, and I don’t care if you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing. I’m happy to show you how to do all this, I promise. It’s never a problem.”

You can see another wave of tears rising in his eyes as you speak to him, your words weaving themselves into his brain, imprinting on it. It’ll take him a lot longer to gain that confidence back, of course, but this is a start. The tears are no longer saddening tears; they’re happy, relieved as he pulls you into a tight hug, holding onto you like you’ll slip away.

“God, I love you so much,” he whispers shakily into your ear, and you can’t help but giggle at him, rubbing his bare back with your fingers. “Of course, Kaku,” you whisper back, “of course.”

Then, you drag your nails across his back instead, and he lets out a full-body shudder and a growl into your ear. “Fuck, do that again,” he says, his voice low, and as you do, he makes another groaning noise and pushes you back onto the bed, wiping away his tears.

“Fuck, okay, fuck, you’re perfect.”

He breathes it like a prayer as he dives back onto your chest, swirling a nipple around in his mouth, but not exactly correct. It’s a little sloppy, not the level you need him at, and you tap him on the head. He looks up at you through his eyelashes, and you have to collect yourself so you don’t just babble nonsense to him.

“Swirl it like you’re licking a lollipop.”

He swirls his tongue just as you say, and your hips jerk into his own, the motion just right.

Perfect, even.

“God, you pick up on things quickly, huh?” you tease as he moves to the other nipple, your sentence cutting off in a moan as he does the same to the other nipple. You can feel his lips moving into a smirk against you as he breathes against the hardened nipple, gently sucking on it.

“What can I say? I learn fast.”

He makes his way down, his thumbs hooking into your pants and underwear as he pulls them off in one go, and his hot breath against your dripping center has you whining for him, your hips twitching at the feeling of his tongue against you. You need it, you need it so badly—

His tongue takes one long, slow lick from your hole to your clit, flicking against the nub, but it’s not quite where you want it to be. You let him do it again, before you grip his head and tap him, causing him to look up at you in question. His cheeks are bright red with blush, like a puppy. If he’d had a tail, you’d imagine it’d be wagging while he waits for you.

You take a deep breath. “Stick your tongue out.”

He complies, and you push his head against you, allowing the wet tip of his tongue to traverse your lips and crevices, until they land on the one spot that makes you see stars. You jerk up into his mouth when his tongue skirts across it, and it’s like you’re beaming the message into his brain, because he doubles down on that specific spot, swirling across it like he did with your nipples.

Holy shit.

“Do it in a figure eight,” you stammer out, using your finger to draw a figure eight in the air. He blinks at you, before nodding and trying it, and fuck, you could’ve cum right there watching him comply so innocently with your commands. Seeing him so pliant beneath you, learning what gets you off, was such a hot circumstance to be in that the room felt like it’d been raised a few degrees. The coil in your stomach is hot, tight and warm, and—

Suddenly, he stops, and he moves away to look up at you.

“Am I good?”

You stare at him incredulously. “What?”

He repeats the question, his hands gripping the fat of your hips so tightly that it might bruise.

It felt good.

You blink at him. “I—yes, but—”

He smirks at you, although the embarrassment is still strong in his eyes as he dives back into you. “Jus’ wanna make you feel good, baby,” he mumbles against you as he takes up his movements again in a faster motion, and you let out a loud moan, nodding. “You’re so good, Kaku, so good for me—”

He murmurs against you. “Can I…can I finger you?”

You laugh at the innocence of the statement, before nodding aggressively as his tongue flicks against you again. “Yes, God, yes,” you breathe, and one of his thick fingers slides in only a beat later. It’s getting more difficult to concentrate on teaching him how to do this, mainly because he is taking to how to pleasure you like a fish to water. It’s insane how fast he’s learning the spots that make you squirm; he’s perceptive, you knew that already, but this is another level. It’s like he’s turned all of his senses up to eleven to detect even the slightest discomfort.

“Up a little bit.”

“There?”

“To the side.”

“How about there?”

“Can you curl your—oh, shit—”

Not only does he add another finger, but he curls his fingers against that spongey spot inside of you and that does it. “Fuck, Kaku, ‘m gonna—”

“You’re gonna cum for me, pretty baby?”

“Fuck!”

At the pet name, the dam bursts, and you cream all over his fingers, shaking and sputtering against him. His mouth is on you in a second, licking and sucking up all of your wetness that dribbles out of you. He doesn’t stop, unknowingly about to fuck you into overstimulation as you cry out, twitching against him as he curls and scissors his fingers inside of you. It’s hitting all the sensitive areas inside of you, and by the time you finally come down and his fingers slide out, his chin is wet with your essence, looking up at you with a reddened face.

“Did I do good?” he whispers, and you pull him up, your gaze softened with the post-climax daze. You pull him close, tucking him underneath your chin, and sighing.

“Yeah, you did good. Great. High marks across the board.”

His chest rumbles with a laugh as he moves to tuck you into his own chest, letting you melt against him, his large hands skating across your back. “Thank you,” he breathes, and you look up at him with a smile, before pressing a kiss to his lips. “Of course, baby,” you respond, and his face gets even more red, bashfulness flooding his eyes.

“Can I ask you something?”

You cock your head. “Yeah?”

He looks away from you, as if weighing the consequences of his request he’s about to ask. When he does, heat floods down to your core, turning you on again so fast that you see stars.

“Can I…do that again?”

You giggle against him.

“Of course. Call it an assessment of your skills you’ve learned so far.”

divider credit: @/benkeibear

networks: @thehoneypotserver @enchantedforest-network

disclaimer: DO NOT copy or repost my works for any reason. translations are acceptable, but please ask for permission first!

© kakuchari 2023-2024

#📩 ari's got mail! #suyacho #📝 ari's autographs #kakucho x reader #kakucho hitto x reader #hitto kakucho x reader #tokyo revengers x reader #kakucho #tr #spicy #this was so much fun to write LOLOLOLOL i love him i want to give him a cozy blanket and a cup of warm lemon tea :(

[naamahdarling]

Asks

#slightly worrying test results today and no movement on getting to the root of what i assumed was a minor problem #so asks would be welcome #im trying not to freak out and mostly i am not #i am mostly the kind of not worried that is actually worried but keeping a lid on it effectively #mostly #okay sort of #we'll see how i do until thursday when i can get a little more information perhaps #humorously it is possible the issue is being caused by bedroom activities in which case that IS a relief but oh my god do you understand #my boyfriend is so fucking good in bed it is real mean to tell me to do it less vigorously #like the temptation is big time there idk what to tell you #you'd understand if you'd experienced it doc #another possibility is stress #which what the fuck do you do bout that except become a recluse

[moregraceful]

tagged by @lemondropbois and @kitnita and @lovethygoalie!! I love having so many writer mutuals from such diverse points of fandom. I wasn't gonna do this because I am under a severe writing deadline however I am also so deeply frustrated right now that a nice meme may cheer me up. or make me worse. unclear

wip title game rules: post the names of all the files in your wip folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have wips.

not posting everything in my wip folder bc most of my wips need to get moved to the superhell (abandoned) folder, i just haven't been able to bring myself to do it. also i have talked about some of these before so i may not share a snippet if i haven't added anything to it since the last time i did this. here's what i have read and pondered in the past 5 months:

bergy buster love

jamie tyler robbers and cowards

kaapo alexis k'andre

mario brent trade (<- boba au)

miro jrob everything

roope jani water and power plot

shak nikita

Untitled Document

big fan of descriptive google doc titles. I decided my birthday/new year's resolution is to not use any song lyrics as titles 😤

soft tagging whoever wants to do it!

#so much of the fic in my wip folder is like...this would be so good if i had finished it before the sharkuda's 2023 offseason #why am i so so so mad? well i spent close to four and a half hours alone in a car today going to and from OAKLAND #bc 880 is hell and 680 is hell and 580 is hell and 280 is also hell #also bc i saw two cybertrucks for real on the road and experienced a level of roadrage that i have never felt before #like i regularly experience roadrage bc i am a california driver. i learned to drive on caltrans highways. that's just life in california. #but seeing two cybertrucks enter the freeway one after another...it unlocked something powerfully ugly and deeply cruel in me #anyway. i'm going to bed. feel free to send asks i may or may not answer but will for sure feel bad about not answering #lesa and 💖 anon i have seen your lovely asks and i will respond when i stop making myself angry about cybertrucks #ily both #fresno oilers.txt #unfortunate birdcage fanfictions

[dykefaggotry]

being a ✨historian✨ on the internet is hearing the worst most god awful fucking takes you have ever seen by ppl that have never actually studied history beyond youtube videos and tiktoks and maybe some trending half fiction half conspiracy book and just want to say smth they think is like earth shattering and edgy but is really just completely ahistorical and vaguely offensive but you can't even say anything bc you will get called an elitist and you kind of just

#oh my god I am tired I'm tired if I have to hear one more person talk out their ass about history or religion I'm gonna lose it #on today's takes I've heard: #the us is actually comparable to africa bc africa is only suffering bc their governments hate them #(completely ignoring how vastly different each political climate and history is of each African country #as well as how undeniably responsible Europe and esp England is for the bullshit in Africa) #and now the take that Actually before europe every single other country on earth was peaceful and a fucking fairy land utopia #but Europeans have generational trauma that make them evil and mean and inhuman as compared to everyone else #which is just. I don't even know where to begin there. #Europe has done irreparable harm w colonization yes absolutely #but to say that every non European country had never experienced violence is also racist bc it's denying the autonomy of entire peoples #and their very real and important histories and contexts #just to give the dogshit fake edgy bullshit take that Europeans invented violence bc they're not actually human

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

writing poetry sometimes feels like you gotta cut yourself open to express it idk smear all your organs all over the page and hope somebody else reads something beautiful. is that like divination the way it's expressed in various places and things? I dunno. poetry never slides off your skin like water off a duck's back. it's from within I think. sometimes you have to tear yourself apart to get at the words and sometimes it just wells up from within and gushes out. always from somewhere deep inside. sometimes it's difficult and horrible and painful but the alternative would be worse. sometimes it's from sheer joy that must overflow into words. I think that's beautiful personally. skin splitting from joy. it happens, I think, to us all at some point. or maybe I'm just a creature of extremes. maybe that online test I did because a friend recommended it is true. it said my symptoms were high. I don't know. maybe it is true, maybe it's not. I read a book once where there was a character named Nathan Hill-and-Dale, and while I'm not nearly as extreme as he was portrayed, in my extremes, I know I'm a fairly volatile person. funny, for most people who see me IRL seem to think that I'm fairly calm. nope, I'm a volcano. watch out, even when I'm apparently calm I might blow up one way or the other. one of my residents' family members said today that I was young and bubbly and she was glad to see it because happiness is the prerogative of the young. a part of me wished I told her. I have actively tried to kill myself once; I have come extremely close to the same actions countless times including yesterday; I would sooner hurt myself than others; if I had my own choice I would simply starve. of course I didn't tell her. sometimes I think I'll never get better. at this point I would consider it a very high chance that I will either die by suicide or end up in hospital following an attempt. not now, of course. but despite my fierce love for my course it has stress associated with it and I think that it's very likely that no psych help on earth would fix my mental health enough for that not to be an option mentally in this short time. I think it's possible to recover from all of the things I struggle with. God help me, I hope it is. the real question is whether I will survive long enough to recover from them. and the answer? I know not. I was reminded of a past interaction with the boy today, where he called my name - I turned - his grandfather, a photographer, was waiting to see if he could get a decent photo, for we were at a church conference and he was trying to get photos everywhere. they were laughing. I could not help but laugh. that memory is tainted now, for he would not look at me now, let alone try to pull such a stunt again. I don't blame him. I don't blame anyone for it. I wonder what would happen if I blocked all my friends on discord; who would seek me out? part of me hopes people would, another part hopes they would not. sometimes I just want to be left alone to curl up and die. it would be easier. so much easier than living, and living, and living. I tried writing poetry just now. it felt like trying to cut myself open, I couldn't get the words out. it only made me feel rather wild. I'm desperate for change, for something. something. what is that something? I don't know. did you know I'm a sadist? I would not in a public place express the thoughts that led me to that conclusion. but I am. I wish I wasn't. there's an obvious solution to that. quick, and easy. so easy. too easy. I tried writing poetry, and then instead of writing anything coherent, I wrote this.

#tw suicide #tw suicidal ideation #tw sh #personal #puddleglum hours #tried writing poetry and the very act of trying made me desperately want to harm. i think i'll break my streak today. all the things have #been so bad today. not so much the individual things as they all stack up together. almost the worst most constant dysphoria ive ever #experienced. coincided with eating new stuff which was scary. weighed myself yesterday on dad's recommendation and found out i *believed* #id gained like more than double what i *did*. feel so disgustingly fat and heavy tho why can't i just stop eating. why is everyone #prolonging my existence. serious question. this includes myself. whats the good. im tired but not. and oh so disgusted with myself. #weak. stupid. failing. only a fool talks like this. oh but don't worry im safe. safe enough anyhow. oh look nothing's real that explains #something. but i am safe. aint me as gonna commit suicide today. don't worry about me. im ignorin my friend who's worried about me bc she #has her own struggles. im not gonna ad to them at this point. selfish enough i am already. ive been choking on disgust all day even through #my jubilation over reaching a fourteen day streak. funny i literally don't care now. gonna break it. unless i'm too coward to do otherwise. #i ought. i ought to do other things too. i don't know how long i can keep on going like this. pray for me.

[yououghtaknow]

ben platt was so right when he said (to paraphrase) your heart can break so much that it breaks open and lets love in. that's 2023 to me baby.

#experienced Real grief and heartbreak for the first time in my life #lived alone for most of the year and really Grew Up because of it #lost the three people i was closest with and lost the person i became for them to love me (which is a good thing) #learned a lot about art and life and myself and what it means to Be Alive. #was this year objectively bad for me??? look at all my personal posts honey. #but i feel like i've Grown so much and i'm really proud of myself not Despite everything that happened but because of it #i'm not ashamed to have loved and made choices and to have been wrong about So Many Things!!! i am so young and always learning!!! #i feel like Myself for the first time in Years. and for the first time since i can remember i genuinely feel Fine. #a lot of things are bad and i have bad days (today was one of them) but!!! i am hopeful and i am Determined to survive and be happy. #i do not have to be great!!! i do not have to be good!!! i simply have to be and that is enough!!! #one thing i said this year that haunts me is when the person i was in love with told me i was being silly for having a panic attack #and i responded with 'why should i feel silly for experiencing true emotion?'. and that's just really guided me since i said it. #ANYWAYS. insane year for me. this time last year i was madly in love and denying So Much and this year i am Accepting and loving what i have #this has been the return of isaac's insane personal posts. which are happening So Much Less due to the healing but hey!! we ball!! #i love you friends who live in my phone <3 if you're still reading happy new year and may you find whatever you're searching for <3

[robinsnest2111]

honestly. I just. wanna be a 70s guy. long-ish hair, no distinct cut to it, a fun moustache (because I know a moustache looks good on me thanks to inheriting my father's soft twinky features and his 15 y.o. self looking good with a moustache back in the late 60s), just a shirt, a jacket/vest, a pair of sick bellbottoms, shoes/boots with a little bit of plateau because everyone gets to wear those (mostly) judgement free, lots of homemade/diy knits and crochet projects sprinkled in. and all the 70s architecture and interior design and music and art and all the quirky little household items, and plants and nature. just.

wanna embody and feel the good comforting vibes from candid celebrity/musicians' photos and my parents' photo albums from the 70s...

#i'm realising i'm futilely seeking comfort and trying to find something to fill the void of my soul in the stupidest of places oops #anyway when will i finally feel like a real person??? when will i finally know peace and feel comfort??? #eternally chasing after things i have never experienced so idek what it is i am looking for #repression and chugging along isn't working today... i am just a tortured soul in a meatsuit hanging on to life by a thin thread #i just feel so extremely unreal and empty and i HATE IT

[babygirlyusuf]

killing cringe culture w my bare hands

#was talking with a 1L today who broke my heart about how she’s holding herself back bc of how easily ppl are getting made fun of in her - #year for. get this. ANSWERING QUESTIONS IN CLASS 😭 #she said ‘im so excited about the material but i make myself stop talking after raising my hand three times’ #i genuinely almost committed an act of violence in her name. #it’s cringe??? to be interested in the subject we’re paying 22k to learn???? GIRL WHAT. #she said ‘well yk gen-z’s dont like a yapper’ . what 🧍🏽‍♀️ #of all the fucking insane shit we put up with in this white colonial institution ppl being passionate is the cringe thing 😭😭 #i am experiencing the tiktokification of law school in real time. #shini.txt

[pepprs]

also cringefail double vent posting over things that are not actually that big of a deal once again lol but i am so fucking miserable today in ways i don’t even know how to articulate. i need to move out. i know exactly where i want to live but they raised rent $300 and i can’t afford that but i want to live by myself so badly but my parents are adamant that i can’t bc i can’t drive and im a “diminutive inexperienced young woman” and i want to punch something. i read half of the drivers manual and cried reading it which is fucking stupid bc it s just the drivers manual. but i want to move out so bad. i hate sharing a room with my sister and im not getting the new room anymore bc we don’t have money to finish it up bc my mom is still sick and no one knows what’s wrong with her and she has to get all these tests. i never have a space i can go to that’s just quiet. i don’t want noise. i don’t want to block out noise with more noise. i want QUIET. i don’t want to be afraid to go into rooms or hear noises i don’t want to hear. and i don’t want to be living here for the three extra months it’ll take me to ng et my permit. im just done. i don’t want to live here!!! and things at work suck and are exhausting and draining and so unbearably overwhelming and i feel terribly lonely and disconnected from everyone and small and scared and i don’t have energy to fix any of it or explain what’s going on or ask for help or get a therapist or whatever. and i keep pulling muscles in my neck. and i want to go to sleep!!!!!!

#purrs #also 3 years ago today i found out i was getting sent home from brighton because of covid. FUCK covid. i am so lucky i haven’t gotten covid #and i hope i never ever get it but this pandemic truly ruined my life in some ways. why am i 24 sobbing hysterically over studying for a #test 15 year olds pass with ease. why am i terrified to step out into the world and do whatever. because being locked down for a fucking #year and a half made me lose hope over and over again until i couldn’t bear to have hope anymore that’s why. and now i guess i can again but #there’s nothing there to work with and part of me doesn’t want to work with anything anyway. i just am stuck in survival mode. i don’t want #to just survive. but every day is like being blasted with a firehose and im exhausted and overstimulated all the time and nothing feels #fully real and i just don’t have the energy to try to change things so i surrender to it or something. idk. it’s not like im the only person #experiencing that and that should help. but it doesn’t. im so angry about what this fucking nightmare pandemic stole from me and how i will #never recover from it or if i do it wont be for decades probably. and i can do things to fix it all right now but instead i want to be angry #delete later #also i probably will never feel comfortable being around even 1 person without an n95 mask even if covid goes away. which it won’t. so lol

[starbuck]

hello, my back is in excruciating pain for reasons unknown and i’m starting to think i should be taking something stronger than expired ibuprofen.

#i’ve been up against heat since midday yesterday and it is NOT helping #i can barely move… moving hurts but so does staying still #idk what to do #pretty soon i’ll take a shower which will hopefully help a little bit #but it’s just like. #damn. I’ve never experienced smth like this before #the closest I’ve come was the muscle aches after the covid vaccines i’ve had #so i have half a mind to give myself an at home test just to make sure that’s not it #but if it is - this is literally my ONLY symptom so like. #idk how convinced i am #plus that was always my lower back and this is my upper back. so. #🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷 #SEND HELP IDK WHAT TO DO #all i know is that i CAN’T take the Real pain killers that are in my closet that i didn’t take when my wisdom teeth were removed #because that would be illegal and inadvisable if i do wind up having to see a doctor today #but man if it’s not fucking tempting!!!!!! #i for one would LOVE to feel nothing!!!!!! #i guess getting drunk is another option… but again probably not advisable #especially not with the Advil in my system… i just took one #ugh.

[mazojo]

#i am. like. experiencing something rn. like. ugly crying experiencing something kind of way #LITERALLY TAKEN OUT OF A FIC THE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY I MISS YOU?? YES???? #they got me bad bro. i wish love was real. they invented it #i might or may not come back screaming more if they have more moments I had to pause the episode #today I finish yowapeda kinda devastated about it #makishima #Toudou #yowamushi pedal #anime

[teddybeirin]

ohh the torment is endless i see it now

#cannot take a shower w/ out The Body Memories. cannot put on lotion w/ out The Body Memories. cannot brush my teeth without The Terror Bite #Down And Gag (The Body Memories). cannot lay down without- #but oh my god it makes me so mad how so much important necessary mundane stuff is hellish nightmare for me #distancing self from the body only does so much. the body is still experiencing the horrors #it is more present and real and visceral than what is actually present. it is so hard not to break down today #it is so difficult. i feel like i cant even tell what it is that i am remembering except that my body moves #without my control over what it does - bite. kick. move my hands over my eyes. push away with arms #over and over and over and over and over. it plays out the same motions every time and they are connected to.... i know not what 👍 #because i am too far away to know. and i dont want to know anyhow #watching my body break down and relive whatever-it-is again and again and again just because i am taking care of its #physical needs is never going to get any easier i dont think

[soryualeksi]

Ranting about coworkers again~~~~~

So.

It's like I'm trading one completely unhinged colleague for another sometimes...

So thankfully Ms "I will now throw a fit and yell at you if you don't invite me out to my favourite restaurant during work-time" looked for and found another station to work at (maybe they promised her fine dining every day as part of her regular shifts, who knows), but now I'm stuck with this teenage boy like straight out of school, and mind you, it's no problem to have young colleagues at all - but let me tell you in German, he is "Immer zweimal mehr wie du!!!" (Let's translate this as a purposely childish way of saying "Always twice as many as you!!!")

Insufferable.

I'm a patient person and I just. I'm exhausted from spending 6,5 hours today just listening to all the things he's perfect at. It's draining. I get it. He's perfect. He can do EVERYTHING. And he knows the most and he's the bestest of the best in everything, blah blah blah, normally I will just let him talk and let it go through me. He can talk for hours about himself and how everyone is so astonished about how perfect he is at the job. (I'm a nice person and didn't hit him with the "Everyone except your best friend is SICK of you talking about yourself nonstop", because really they a) can tell him himself and b) I didn't wanna be a bully and just stomp him into the ground with that for no real reason, he's just a teen. A very annoying one.)

But anyway, so I'm mostly just listened about all his great feats and then he's like "oh I can speak some Japanese". And I kinda perk up and go like "oh I actually speak quite a bit of Japanese". And because I'm a nice and friendly and supportive and helpful person (lol) I'm also like "Really, I can only recommend Duolingo a lot." And because I ALSO wanna be a bit funny I add in a joking tone "And watching lots of anime."

Cue:

"Well, you DO know that anime doesn't have REAL Japanese, right?"

In. Fucking. Sufferable.

#why am i the magnet for absolutely exhausting colleagues #the answer is that only complete weirdos want to work the job that's a fact #everyone is a weirdo in one way or another every single one you meet #but some are more exhausting to deal with than others let me tell you #yOu KnOw ThAt Is NoT rEaL jApAnEsE #stylized media speak doesn't mean it's somehow not the language you obnoxious twerp lmao #obnoxious twerp let me tell you #i keep reiterating but really i know I'm also an annoying weirdo colleague #but i hope I'm not that insufferable #he also constantly tries to overstep what he's allowed to do unaided in terms of medical stuff but he's been told he'll be on his own #if he does that and something goes wrong #nobody but him has the responsibility and nobody will protect him and he will face the consequences alone #'i know how to do it' YES SO DO WE ALL STICK TO THE LAWS BUT OK #but not my circus not my monkeys more experienced people than me have already had that talk with him #maybe one day he'll get fired or worse but i won't enable his bullshit on my shifts at least #anyway enough venting #oh but!!! i think his work bestie who is the same age as him is super jealous because i had one shift with him today and she was PISSED #and I'm like. girl for me you both are kids I'm sorry but you are. #whyyyyy am i the weirdo magnet whyyyyy it's totally not because of the crowds i hang out with lmao #anyway #vent vent vent #soryuchan's personal issues