#but it made me feel very secondhand-happy i was like YES that it my little band and YES you are all correect they r genius

[quaranmine]

how many times a week can i have a Lord Huron Moment™ before it's just my 24/7

#guess what im having RIGHT. NOW!!! #for some reason i went on r/indieheads and searched lord huron and. dont really know why but i *expected* to see a bunch of reddit hate #because reddit and i are rarely of the same opinion when it comes to. literally anything i enjoy and like #and!! instead!! i got to read dozens of lovely comments of people saying long lost was brilliant and could be the sub's album of the year #and i was like wow okay i had no idea that Anything could please the reddit music snobs #but it made me feel very secondhand-happy i was like YES that it my little band and YES you are all correect they r genius

[nolita-fairytale]

your instagram feed as a pastry chef dating carmen berzatto (& headcanon)

i made this as a companion piece to 'make my heart surrender.' reader's instagram feed after you move to chicago and headcanon about boyfriend!carmy.

if you haven’t yet, you can read ‘make my heart surrender’ here.

images are all from pinterest. if you own one of these and would like me to take it down, please let me know! i could see reader's instagram feed looking something like @apartmentmiso's insta.

your life in chicago would include:

when you first move to chicago, the two of you are like giddy kids in love who can't get enough of each other.

while you get your own place, it's almost a moot point because you spend so much of your time together between the restaurant and sleepovers. it doesn't take long for you and carmy to decide that you should just live together. and six months later (spring 2023-ish) his lease is up, and since he has less crap to move, he decides to move in with you.

it's certainly an adjustment, and it's important for you to have separate spaces/hobbies too. carmy def has an avoidant attachment system (and you def have some strong avoidant tendencies too), so you both need space sometimes to go to shut down for a little bit. sometimes your relationship feels like it's moving so quickly, and other times, it feels like a natural pace considering you platonically dated for years before.

carmy as a boyfriend: carmy is such a loving boyfriend. we know that he is an acts of service king, so while he may not always have the right words to convey his feelings or communicate (he's working on it) he's always looking for a way to show you he loves you. since this is his first real relationship, you have to be patient with him as he learns how to be a partner. it works because you know he is trying, and you often remind him that it's like when you guys were best friends in new york, except now you get to have sex.

this is a deeply passionate relationship because you both very intense people in your own ways. being loved causes carmy to soften a little. though he's still just as laser-focused and commanding in the kitchen, he's also more openly empathetic. as he explores what connecting with you feels like, it helps him connect with others better. being loved by carmy brightens you, lifts you up, and makes you feel lighter.

when the time is right, you ask him if it's okay to call him by the family nickname, 'bear.' it feels too intimate to do off-the-cuff, and he's more than happy to say yes.

lots of farmers' market dates when you both can get a saturday or sunday morning off.

being there for him as he feels more and more ready to talk about his relationship with mikey. every anniversary and birthday feels heavy, especially as carmy starts processing his grief and guilt.

when you get into fights because he's being a dick or not letting you in, or you're pushing him too hard, you both agree to take a time out before having a conversation. even when it's a big fight and there's yelling and arguing (and maybe some argument sex), you both are committed to making this work. it's surprisingly healthy and a product of the both of you being in therapy.

the first time you fight, carmy freaks the fuck out and thinks it may be over, and you have to explain to him that sometimes couples fight. you both agree to love each other, even when you hate each other.

you both love a secondhand moment and spend your days off thrifting vintage denim and one of a kind pieces. you're that annoyingly stylish couple that always looks good and always finds the best things secondhand.

in terms of separate hobbies, you get really involved in your local urban garden and begin to help create programs/workshops within their org to foster food accessibility. this becomes a big passion of yours, and it leads you to getting selected for one of the summer james beard chef bootcamp sessions (advocacy intensive for policy change in the food industry)

making the most stunning cakes in and outside of the restaurant (here me out but i feel like you have somewhat of a strong instagram presence as a pastry chef).

speaking of social media: i have this headcanon of everyone realizing that angel has a knack for social media / storytelling, so he takes over the social media account from richie and carmy. angel becomes the main character of the social media account and it's kind of iconic.

you and sydney become close friends, and at some point, you try to set her up with a sous you used to work with who has just moved to chicago.

you love taking photos of carmy when he's not looking -- especially at work. and he hates it but he actually loves the fact that you have a full camera roll of photos of him.

on a day off, one of your favorite things to do if you have the energy, is to make an extravagant layer cake (or some other indulgently time consuming food project) with the windows open on a perfectly warm spring day just for fun. other days the two of you lay around, sleep in, and enjoy doing absolutely nothing.

the two of you adopt a little black kitty from a local shelter and name them aioli

helping carmy adjust to having more downtime when the bear begins hiring more staff and he's not needed 24/7. he struggles with letting go of some control, but begins to appreciate having more than one day off a week.

nsfw thoughts:

okay so we already know that our acts of service king loves to go down on his partner. like i'm genuinely so obsessed with the fact that as a fandom we universally agree on this. he's also a bit of a people pleaser so... this just makes sense to me.

i do think, for the most part, he lets you lead as you probably have more experience than him, and he wants to learn what you like/don't like.

however, i think over time, he'd definitely gain more confidence in the bedroom and would feel more comfortable taking the lead more often.

the more confident he gets, the more you let him lead, and frankly, you find it really hot when he takes control. like i don't think carmy will ever be a dom daddy, but he would engage in some light spanking, leaving love bites all over you, and fucking you into the mattress by the end of the sesh.

carmy is def a needy bb who loves to be praised/hear that you're his, how much you need him, how good he makes you feel.

#carmy berzatto smut #carmen berzatto x you #carmy berzatto #carmy x oc #the bear hulu #the bear fx #jeremy allen white #carmen 'carmy' berzatto #carmy berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto smut #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto headcanon #the bear headcanon #carmy berzatto imagines #carmy berzatto fluff #make my heart surrender

[darkandstormydolls]

Well, isn’t it funny how I made this account for my sewing and costuming and the writing took over?

Well, anyways, let me get working on balancing that. Here’s the story of two jackets I altered!

So I got both of these at thrift stores, but both weren’t quite right

Jacket one, which is more of a rain coat-trench coat, was missing a couple of buttons, and others were loose (missing buttons marked in pink)

I was initially thinking of moving some of the pocket decorative buttons to the front (also, yes, it has pockets, and wonderfully large ones), but it turns out they were different sizes, and also I didn’t love the old ones. So, I went looking through my button stash for something to swap them out for and conveniently came across a set of black fabric covered buttons in multiple sizes with enough to swap out not just the front buttons but also the pocket and epaulette ones. Final result:

A much more me jacket. I’m so happy I found this. My rain coat before this was left over from like fifth grade, because I never bothered to get a new one since I rarely go out in the rain, and bright blue and awful enough that I would not even entertain the thought of wearing it. But now I shall not be stuck having to choose between an umbrella or an ugly rain coat! And J can feel like a film noir detective!

Jacket two: so I found two blazers. One is black and I’ll probably tailor it more at some point, but not right now, and the other is this gray one. When looking for buttons, I realized that I didn’t really have enough of any silver buttons to do both the front button and also those useless cuff fake buttons, so I decided to break out that box of little decorative gears that I picked up at Jo-Ann’s a while back because “they could be useful some day”. And, lo and behold, they were! I used up pretty much all the silver ones here because I figured that if I was going to do gear buttons, I may as well go overboard and just decorate the whole thing with gears. Here they are laid out but not sewn on yet

But also, this blazer was way boxier than how I like my jackets. So, I did some really inexpert alterations to nip it in at the waist

You can see the difference. Second picture is of the inside and my sloppy darts. Now, since most of the gathering is at the back, it has a little flair to the back and over the hips that I love. The back lays slightly wonky, but not too bad, and it flairs out at the hips enough to fit over my very full skirts and it’s crazy flattering, plus I can always adjust the darts if I need to alter it again in the future.

Secondhand shopping and alteration for the win! I’ve already worn both of these and look forward to wearing them both lots more. If only I hadn’t found these jackets a little earlier in the year, while it was still consistently cold…

#sewing #alterations #thrift flip #slow fashion

[spookfished]

nov 2023 media roundup

hello again :3 welcome to the world from 2024!! im doing backlogs of media reviews lol. well i was really busy. and then i was super busy playing umineko!! looking back at this month, it seems like i didnt read a whole lot this month, but then i forgot that ruzhui is literally 300 chapters long. so.. a couple of these i read uh quite a few months ago by now so the review might be a bit stale. however i had like 80% of this written for several weeks so theres only a couple! this will be posted on my neocities at some point

books:

ruzhui by please dont laugh: f/f. after a terrible breakup, college yun an is happy to leave her life behind for some TIME TRAVEL! but while disguising herself as a man to avoid discrimination, she gets looped into a matrilocal marriage with businesswoman lin buxian?! intended as a fluffy palate cleanser after pdl's previous work a clear and muddy loss of love, i think it still kinda ended up getting mired in politics two thirds of the way in, when a lot of us were here for the moments with miss malewife yun an and her powerhouse wife? on the other hand, its hard to stretch out fluff for an entire 300 chapters without contriviances. i also really enjoyed how it managed to balance like. idk. 'returning to the simple emotions of the past' with 'holy shit guys the past actually sucked ass lmfao'. its a pretty relaxing read, so id recommend checking it out if youre into f/f!

the devil comes courting by courtney milan: f/m romance. can romance bloom while trying to create the first telegraphic encoding for chinese...? sooo cute im a huge fan of courtney milan as always. surprisingly goes into some pretty heavy topics including like. forced assimilation via child stealing?????? i thought it was well handled though the ldr stuff and the way amelia grows as a person was soo nice

the marquis who mustnt by courtney milan: f/m romance. the son of a conman returns home for one final trick. meanwhile, naomi just wants to take her medic class. the two become engaged on false premises and of course, catch feelings. once again extremely cute im very charmed. also liked the pottery details :3 i think in every fake engagement the whole 'pretending to themselves they dont have feelings' is a little ridiculous so i liked that they just like. acknowledged it at the outset. i think its honestly more compelling to be like 'yes my feelings are sincere and true however X still outweighs '. loove a guy shackled by duty

wandering souls by cecile pin: follows anh and her two siblings, refugees of the vietnam war. ok honestly i dont remember a lot about this book :( sorry but i did like it! its a really fast read and made me really sad so id recommend. (DISCLAIMER: AMERICAN) i also feel like i dont read a lot of non-american diaspora books so thats pretty interesting as well. nice prose also :]

detransition baby by torrey peters: a trans woman who yearns for motherhood, her detransitioned ex-boyfriend, and his pregnant partner struggle to find a way to live--together, or apart? ok sorry this is another review written in january so its kinda weighted more negatively. i had a LOT of thoughts about this in november but i forgot most of them. this novel is a deep look into a very specific kind of queer subculture--a subculture which is both very white and very annoying. sorry. the characters feel like a vivid, true-to-life depiction of the poeple i try to avoid at my little liberal arts college. however, it ALSO feels like the kind of really good gossip that you love to hear secondhand. also, the author shoehorns in discussions of race in ways that are really jarring and also, kinda bad? i honestly really loved the inner voices of all the characters which is why it sucked when i got to suddenly read a copy-pasted twitter thread about intersectional oppression instead. (especially coming from the mouth of a cis wasian woman..?) it feels all the more tokenistic since we immediately go back to the inner struggles of ames and reese instead. ugh. however, it sparked some really interesting conversations with me and my friends. i also got to learn more about ah i guess transfem detransition? as opposed to transmasc detransition. they are very different! um but i guess id recommend?

comics/manga:

surviving romance: action/horror webtoon?? the woman living in the body of a romance novel character is determined to get her picture-perfect happy ever after-- at all costs. everything goes according to plan until the day zombies attack the school. chaerin is forced to bond with the faceless extras of her story, and find out what is rotting at the core of *love every day*. very solid writing!! i like how the author gradually introduces characters, and how the tension ratchets up as more people to care for becomes more people that can be lost. definitely goes into some orv-lite type themes, which i appreciated. i guess my only complaint is that despite the solid execution it didnt really ~wow~ me in any way... still worth checking out though :3

run away with me girl by battan: f/f romanceish? two high school lovers meet again after midori decided that their relationship was just a childish whim. but even though midori has decided shes straight (and is married with a kid on the way!), maki still has feelings for her. dude soooo cute the art style is not personally my thing but i felt like all of the characters were really grounded and the introspective parts were really interesting. some beautifully atmospheric parts! would recommend :3 witch hat atelier kitchen (reread) by shirahama kamome: a spinoff of witch hat atelier, where the two teachers qifrey and olrugio make food together after hours! gorgeous art as always, and some cute recipes too! i reread this since an official english translation came out lol. monotone blue: short furry m/m about apathetic, aloof cat hachi, who meets aoi--a shy transfer student who happens to be the only lizard in the whole school. pretty lighthearted for the most part, but also heavily implied a sexual assault scene?? or at least the vibes?? in a way that treated it far too lightly and left a bad taste in my mouth. possibly worth reading for the art, but idk :/ definitely falls into the romance trap of having a love interest go "ill save you from these bad guys!" for like a cheap plot device and then not really going into it

movies/tv:

parasite: class-focused comedic thriller? the kim family finds a way out of choking poverty by working for the extremely affluent park family. its almost too easy--until it isnt. man everyone says parasite is so good. AND IT IS!!! i cant believe i took so long to see this movie i got to see it with some friends over thanksgiving break and it was so good :] had me stressed for my fucking life sitting at the edge of my seat. has a lot of meat to bite into analysis-wise but is also just so crushing in many ways.. the ending stuck in my head for a long time. rewatching it this january was honestly more stressful in some ways haha

revolutionary girl utena: allegory-heavy commentary on shoujo and princess narratives and the nature of heroism and-- f/f. utena is a girl who aspires to be just like the prince of her dreams. she is somehow wrapped up into an engagement with anthy himemiya, who calls herself "the rose bride." ahhhh i still havent watched the last two episodes actually. people always say "utena is a fantastic show but PLEASE mind every single trigger warning" and its true! utena tackles some really heavy subjects in a way that is delicate, understated, and vicious. i watched a bunch of these episodes late at night in the computer lab and they honestly left me breathless. has so many layers of symbolism to dig through that it can honestly be overwhelming, but also very compelling just on the surface! watch utena. also watch this amv https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THN3gYKYojs

the wonderful story of henry sugar: a netflix adaptation of one of roald dahls stories (within a story). it was cute :3 not a lot of sticking power lol but i think this is the first wes anderson production ive ever watched. very visually distinctive!

video games:

lethal company: cooperative horror game about trying to collect garbage in a dystopically capitalist world ft. proximity chat! dude this game is blowing tf up i tried playing it with neil but 1. we are huge pussies 2. its really only feasible with 3+ people

music:

TILT by nanoray: anime breakcore is one of my truly guilty pleasures. i see the anime girl on the cover and cringe a little bit HOWEVER nanoray is a really good artist. the intro is so liquid... i think the album as a whole really just sweeps you up into a groove. some of my favorite tracks are into and DOGWALK2000 THE LONELIEST TIME by carly rae jepsen: i was so mean to carly rae jepsen in middle school. im so sorry miss jepsen i was just so tired of hearing call me maybe everywhere. im now a changed man. just a really well constructed pop album 👍admittedly not as iconic to me as emotion, but joshua tree and talking to yourself are my favorites atm SAYONARA WILD HEARTS OST: ive never played sayonara wildheart, but i think its a rhythm game about girls fighting each other on motorcycles? with bisexual lighting and tarot cards? but anyways this is a synth-y lush pop album thats super fun! it feels like it tells a story (probably bc it does) and it always makes me want to listen all the way through :3 my favorites are sayonara wild heart and their clair de lune remix

anyways if you read to the end, thanks as always! its really interesting to try and condense my thoughts about something into one paragraph.. sometimes its easier than others huh! im almost done with the december one so please look forward to that 👍

#txt

[calamitydaze]

Ro Ramdin video out ! At the halfway mark and it's. Pretty okay.

alright, i finally watched it! goddamn you guys weren’t lying that was a heavy hitter. tldr below the cut since it was an Hour of pretty dense commentary so even the summary is long, but i very much recommend watching it in full

i liked it a lot! i’ve never watched her content before before but ro is funny as hell and it was a very well put together and engaging video. i really appreciated the balance she struck between being firm and empathetic, and that she took care to separate criticism of dream from criticism of his fanbase. i took some issues with the first half, mainly in the misinformation department (not super important, but quite a few little things that i felt were incorrect/lacking in detail/misrepresented), and i think it was a flaw to so heavily lean on data taken from a survey you had to dm her to get. i don’t blame her for that though, inaccuracies are to be expected when talking about a community she’s not part of and given how quickly she made this video i can understand relying on secondhand accounts instead of really diving in herself

the second half is where it really cuts deep and i found it SO refreshing for someone to actually look into why and how dream’s fandom came to be the way that it is instead of just endless criticism and talking down to them. i especially enjoyed the section where she talked about how insular and reactionary and hard to reach dream stans are, not because they hate everyone else but because everyone hates them. it’s something i’ve thought for over a year and when i saw her put it so eloquently i was like YES!!!! i said before i watched it that i’m pretty self-aware about my parasociality and why i feel the way i do, and i still like to think i’m not super guilty of her main critiques, but even then it honestly left me with a lot to think about and reassess. particularly the point about how stans seek reassurance from each other to get the moral green light to keep being in the community— it both hit me like “oh shit. i do that” and felt a little close to home in some of the asks i’ve been answering. i’m more than happy to continue comforting people and fostering a less hostile (and hopefully more balanced) discussion, but i hope people don’t see me as some sort of moral compass that tells you it’s okay to still watch dream. i’ve tried to be clear that it’s just a discussion and you should come to a personal conclusion that feels moral and comfortable to you AND THIS FEELS VERY SELF-IMPORTANT IM SORRY but i wanted to say it

so yeah! good video, it was sad to see how nervous ro was to upload it but from what i know the response has been positive so i hope she’s doing well. definitely worth a watch, i’d love to have a conversation with her tbh

tldr:

- even though the twitlonger was an off-the-cuff response, the repeated focus on how the allegations are “harmful to real victims” feels insincere and misdirecting

- the “gorgeous as fuck” snapchat is enough for her to deem the situation inappropriate and heavily question whether he’s handling his fanbase in a responsible manner

- survey takers were overwhelmingly neurodivergent and queer (and about 1/2 and 1/4 trans and poc respectively) and that might be a reason why people stay even if the community becomes toxic, because it’s still a safe space in that regard that’s hard to find elsewhere

- she talked about how self-isolated dream fans are in comparison to most fandoms as a result of continuous harassment and ridicule, and how this creates an “us against the world” mentality that makes it even harder to see when potential misdeeds occur

- the thing she most takes issue with about the fandom is the seeming lack of personal values that people hold above all else, aside from basic leftist stances on things like race and war

- when levied against other fans, accusations of racism and sexual harassment are an insta-block but creators get a grace period, because the space they take up in our lives is larger— but the more you sacrifice your personal values to get permission to continue enjoying a thing the easier it gets to keep doing it

#bella answers #anon #dream.situation

[straye]

𝐃𝐀𝐒𝐇 𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄 : the hella sweet munday meme ( ORIGINAL SOURCE, FORMATTED TO BE A DASH GAME. )

♻ Any advice on improving Tumblr RP experience?

Block and blacklist, block and blacklist. Out of sight out of mind is a real thing here, and even reading everything on someone's blog to be able to do that efficiently.

⛅ Do you believe aesthetics are another form of expression?

In a way, yeah! I mean, the way I have my blog set up is certainly so.

☮ Are you feeling happy and inspired right now?

Happy, I guess. Inspired, errr. Trying!

☄ Has someone ever admitted to being inspired by you?

Maybe once? I mean Ren once said that the verse they made with Ghostshima was for me and I almost bawled my eyes out because I feel passionately about that evil little tape worm and the effect he has on Kogami past the grave. T_T

⚌ Who inspires you?

[dial up sounds]

♋ Are there any FC’s you believe should be used more? Why?

I don't use FCs at all if I can help it, so I think this is geared more towards people who use rl FCs? But if I had to say, as someone who observes secondhand, MORE SOUTHEAST ASIAN / BROWN / BLACK / INDIGENOUS FCS !!!

☸ Do you reblog from the source when someone practices reblog karma or do you follow it?

I reblog from the source for a cleaner activity tab, and I expect the same courtesy. Though, if it's something I can send in, I always try sending in stuff for memes.

☯ Do you believe you’re a forgiving person?

I'll be honest with you, no, and I've had very good reason not to be over the years.

⚑ Have you been forgiven for a mistake you’ve made?

Hard question, because I'd say kinda.

♛ Have you ever seen drama be maturely sorted out?

No lol.

♞ Do you tend to ignore drama?

Generally. It stops being drama if someone is a genuinely bad person or is up to some heinous shit though.

☾ Have you ever tried to bring peace to a situation?

One, a very long time ago. Now? Hell no.

☻ Have you ever made someone a promo or a positive shoutout?

Yes! <3 I always try to.

☎ What do you think about bias lists?

I only do these for like. KPop biases lol. Do you guys remember the mess that was follow forevers? I think we've learned from then.

☈ How many people would you say likes you?

I should hope my following, though idc if anyone hate follows.

♡ How many people do you like? Are there any people in particular that pop up?

Most of my following ??? I know me and @sorrowmarked , @withgutsandglory and @ungodli are super cool. I also wuv @kudakenai and @vtriol forever and ever. me and @yeonban have crazy meow meow to meow meow communication. Me and @n0fa0e have been friends for yeeeeears <3. And @naisetsu is pretty neat too. <3 ALSO @achroanimus FOR THEIR AMAZING IDEAS AND DEPICTION OF THE EVIL LITTLE MAN. I also owe so much to @amaeranthos. I also love love love what @vulpesse and @aahri do for a certain fox of whom I am smitten over ..............

☢ What calms you down after negativity?

Vidya games, talking to my best friend. :3

☠ What keeps you happy?

Thinking about Kogami Shinya.

☘ Is there anything that makes you instantly want to follow someone?

If they're funny as hell. Always.

☕ Is it often you hear people complimenting your blog? Characters, writing, theme, icons, etc.

No, not really, though the latest compliment I've gotten was the fact that my Kogami is so baby girl and I needed a moment to cry (positively) about that. <3

☂ What’s your best RP experience?

This was before this blog's time but when me and an ex made an entire multiverse of OCs. :( I miss that, and my OCs are still around, but that was a weirdly formative experience. Also when me and @ungodli had this rhythm for our first thread where our replies kept getting longer and longer and at some point we stopped apologizing for that LMAO AND WHEN ME AND @achroanimus STARTED OUR KOGAMI AND GHOSTSHIMA THREAD THAT I STILL NEED TO REPLY TO AUGH

⚈ What sweet things tend to happen to you from time to time RP wise?

When me and my partners will reply to something and when we see it we immediately alert each other with raw reactions <3

☐ What trends are you currently into?

girl idk.

★ What fandom do you consider welcoming?

I don't really pay attention to this. </3

☆ What are some the perks with the fandom you’re currently in?

It's small and quiet and if you want to be left alone you'll be well left alone.

☉ What fandom do you believe needs improvement? What could you do to do that?

No comment.

♦ How has roleplaying on Tumblr improved since you started out?

Um honestly yes especially when it comes to NSFW content and what kind of shit we'll let fly. It used to be that you'd see obscurely tagged full blown rl porn on your feed but now people have the courtesy to actually try tagging it better as well as people just feeling safe enough to call people out on bigotry and condoning gross shit. I kinda wish this environment is the one little 12-13 year old me started off on lol.

♨ Have you ever roleplayed with someone that has been problematic but offered critique and then watched them improve?

Yes but they did not improve.

⚓ Are there any small details you tend to like in roleplays?

Quoting some of my favorite medias / poems / etc. If you squint, you'll see my writing riddled with them. >:)

⚡ What are the good sides with duplicates?

I don't have a lot of experience with saying so but some of the villains I play where I don't mind duplicates : we really do understand these characters more than most of their fans do.

☀ What’s the best thing about roleplaying?

What isn't there to like about putting my character in all sorts of whacky scenarios or whatnot with characters he'll probably not have much interaction with or otherwise? Creating AUs, connecting with people through him, and even getting people into Psycho-Pass mwhahaha.

⛵ What genres do you like writing the most?

Slice of life, hurt-comfort, fluff, comedy, action. I want to try horror one of these days so bad.

☺ What tends to bring out your muse the most? What inspires you?

Little things that remind me of Kogami; then, I'm possessed by his spirit to let the world know that xyz is so him. Then his spirit leaves me. It often tends to be other forms of media, music, poems.

#munday. #do i dare disturb the universe? ∶ ( ooc. ) #do i dare eat the peach? ∶ ( dash game. )

[strictlybecca]

fic stats!

rules: give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the least words.

please excuse me bc i was not tagged in this, but i saw this pop up on my dash from some of my non-mutuals and i was OBSESSED - so i did not wait my turn, i've just gone for it :)

most hits: yes, there is a chain and no, you're not on it (schitt's creek) a patrick/david fic i started when there were literally 15 fics for them on ao3 - it's patrick and stevie's text chain for all of the episodes of season four and i still feel smug about some of the things i managed to predict. i think it has the most hits of anything because it was there at the Beginning on ao3, it's got the most chapters, and i did accidentally leave it unfinished for like two years. (oops.) [but it has an incredible podfic!]

second most kudos: the best made plans are your open hands (911) for a fic that kind of walloped me upside the head and made me write it in like... a single evening, the reception on this has been SO sweet!!! an au where maddie takes buck with her when she leaves home at 18. i call it my 'happy healthy buckley verse' and i even have some more headcanons for it in the tag i have for it. in my mind, nothing ever really goes wrong for these two in this verse; it's my emotional support au.

third most comments: i only wanna be alone with you (schitt's creek) another patrick/david fic, this one written for a challenge. (a deadline always increases the likelihood of me finishing a fic.) this is probably (?) the ~sexiest thing i've ever written and it is... like not that explicit lmao. it also had a prompt that made me want to jump out of window bc my secondhand embarrassment threshold is practically zero - but i managed to write something that even my poor little soul could read and enjoy. [technically, 3rd most comments is the previous fic, but this one isn't far off in 4th place.]

fourth most bookmarks: deliver us unto each other (the old guard) this fic is my favorite child. i just think the stuff i love writing and the stuff i'm good at writing collided in this fic in a really lovely way and i'm so stinkin' proud of it. i felt feral while writing it lmao. it's about nicky's complex but deeply earnest and loving relationship with god and how his love for joe actually reaffirms his faith!! plus some great nicky + nile bonding.

fifth most words: i fell heavy into your arms (as the world turns) this is not my favorite of my luke/noah fics but i am very glad one of them made it on the list because all of my longest stuff is for this fandom and i miss nuke an unreasonable amount. those big bang prompts could pull 30k from me, no problem!!! this one's an au where noah is a detective and he has to solve damian's murder - and holden is a suspect :(

and least amount of words: Commandeered (h50) god this one was written so long ago it's still got an uppercase letter in the title 😬 also back in the day when i was still posting individual drabbles as their own fics - i've learned better! this fic represents my intense mcdanno phase, which still lingers in my heart like poison. (or a bomb.) genuinely a delightful prompt tho - an au where danny is the navy SEAL and steve is the jersey transplant. i honestly think i pulled this one off pretty well! they still sound very much like themselves.

-

i'm sad none of my sparty fics happened to make it in, since that was an Era unto itself but all of these delight me, so!!! here you go!!!

i tag: @cluelessheroes @functionalnihilism @angryfightingjew @woebegone-kenobi and literallly anyone else who wants to do this. you, yes you. i mean it!!! i promise you, if you do this and just pretend like i've tagged you to do it i will EDIT this post and tag you in it like you've always been there. i don't care if we're not mutuals DO IT!!! (sorry this was fun i really liked it and i'd like everyone else to have fun too!)

#meme #fic stuff #my fic #and if you don't wanna you don't have to!!!!

[karmic-vibes]

Two of Us

8 - Two of Us Sending Postcards

cw: teenage pregnancy, minors using drugs, implied mentions of parental neglect, domestic dispute [between siblings], name calling [whore, slut, etc.]

1982

Eddie had been supporting Claire ever since they made amends a few months ago. Without putting up much of a fight, he’s gone shopping for items of the baby, has helped Wayne prepare food she can eat, and gone out of his way to keep people from finding out her little secret. While he still wasn’t thrilled with her decision, he was trying his best to get onboard.

One night, the pair of siblings were sitting in the living room watching reruns of The Twilight Zone. Eddie had packed a bowl and was taking hits every few minutes—he always said being high made the show that much better. Claire was dozing off next to him, unbothered by the secondhand smoke. Suddenly, she was jolted awake by the baby harshly kicking her stomach. She excitedly shook Eddie’s arm to get his attention.

“Hey, stupid.”

“What?” he asked, blowing smoke.

“Feel.”

“Feel what?”

“The baby, idiot.” She grabbed his free hand and placed it on top of her abdomen.

“Bro, that’s so fucking trippy,” he giggled, “I can’t believe there’s like… a whole person in there… with like a brain and heart and lungs and stuff… and toes and hands and-”

“Yes, Eddie, congrats. You know basic human anatomy.”

“Does it hurt?”

Claire shrugged and sighed, “a little. I’m getting used to it, though.”

“How much longer until you’re due?”

“A couple weeks, I think.”

“That’s crazy.”

“So, are you excited to become an uncle?”

“I’m still super fucking disappointed in you, but yeah, I guess.”

“I’m sorry, what?” she scoffed.

“You heard me.”

“I thought you finally came around to supporting me?”

“Yeah, but like… I was thinking about it more and just… I know you, and you’re gonna end up just like mom and dad.”

“How fucking so?”

“Uh, stupid, I don’t know, maybe getting pregnant in high school, dropping out, and leaving your kids with your piece of shit baby daddy and his brother, then only seeing your kids when it’s convenient for you.”

“Uncle Wayne loves us and has done everything for us. Hell, even he’s supporting my decision here! He’s not happy about it, but Jesus fuck, Eddie, at the very least he’s supporting me!”

“I just thought you were different, Claire…”

“What was mom supposed to do?!” she teared up, “Roe v. Wade wasn’t a thing yet, and God forbid she did anything behind pops’ back—he would’ve fucking killed her!”

“She could’ve done the smart and responsible thing and given us up. What’s your fucking excuse? Roe’s been a thing since ’73 and there’s always safe-dropping.”

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing,” she scoffed in disbelief, “actually, y’know what, I can. I can because you’re a piece of shit just like pops. A worthless addict who only looks out for himself and runs at any sign of a challenge!”

“Wow, Clairey… is that what you really think of me?”

“Yeah… it is…”

Eddie bit his bottom lip and smashed his bong on the floor. He stood up in a fit of range, pacing the room, licking his lips, with his hands on his hips. He shook his head and scoffed.

“Fine, but I hope you fucking realize that you and I are exactly the fucking same. Before you got knocked up, like the stupid whore you are, you were just as much of an addict as me, if not more!”

Tears prickled at Claire’s eyes as she bit the insides of her cheeks. She picked at her cuticles, avoiding eye contact with her enraged brother.

“Well, I’d rather be pregnant than a criminal like our father.”

“Fuck. You.”

He picked up the table-side lamp and chucked it at her. Claire narrowly dodged the blow as the lamp shattered into a million pieces against the wall. As her breathing picked up, trying to process what had just happened, Eddie had already stormed out of the trailer. Claire was left in the home, alone, sobbing on the couch, not having a clue what to do. She had worked so hard to bond closer with her brother throughout this entire ordeal, and in the blink of an eye, it was all thrown out the window.

#eddie munson #steddie #steve harrington #stranger things #eddie st4 #eddie stranger things #st4 #gay #steve x eddie #lgbtq #lgbt pride #joe kerry #joseph quinn #pride #happy #love #billy hargrove #dacre montgomery #will byers #lucas sinclair #dustin henderson #robin buckley #maya hawke #mike wheeler #netflix #twins #siblings

[13thalcoragent]

My Stepmother and Stepsisters Do Not Pick On Me: Extra Story II

Lenalee on That Day

~

Cinder: Despite being an orphan, the Glass family has adopted me.

~

The Characters:

 Cinder Fall-Glass – Our Heroine who was adopted

Amanda “Ama” Glass – Older Stepsister with Curly Hair

Lenalee “Lee” Glass – Older Stepsister with Straight Hair

Laura Glass – Stepmother and Madame

Rhodes “Rose” Glass – Pet Dog and Bodyguard

Amina Faye – Head Maid for the Glass Unicorn

Amoncio Glass - Stepfather who is Completely and Utterly SUS

~

Lee: A foreign child is joining our family today.

Ama: Oh my, your eyes look particularly evil today, Big Sister.

Lee How can I smile on a day like this?

Lee: Since I was a child, I was taught…

FLASHBACK

Laura: There are many types of families. Don’t think that blood ties are everything. Becomes girls who can value others as much as you value yourselves.

PRESENT

Lee: And it because of Mama’s teachings that I don’t care if we’re connected by blood or not. But…

Lee: You look like you’re in a good mood.

Ama: Yes, I’m finally getting a little sister.

Lee: Even though we don’t know what kind of girl she is?

Lee: That’s right. The Glass family is one of the few prominent families in Atlas. There are a lot of unscrupulous people who are after our fortune. I’ll get rid of anyone who threatens Mama!

Laura: There you girls are. It’s time.

Lee: First, I’ll see what kind of girl this child from another woman is…Guess I do feel bad that she lost her mom, though.

Cinder: *in a deep, low kneeling bow* My name is Cinder Fall. Please take good care of me.

Lee: *stares* Contrary to her weakly knitted eyebrows…She has the powerful eyes of someone who has endured and overcome adversity. Her feet and hands look so worn…She must have worked a lot. It’s damaged, but you can tell her black hair has been regularly combed…She was certainly raised by her mother with love…This girl…

What Lee said: Huuh…? Talk about smelly.

What Lee wanted to say: First, you’ll need to take a bath!

What Lee said: And what a spiritless face she had.

What Lee wanted to say: I’ll have you feeling refreshed right away.

What Lee said: The last thing we want is trash in the hotel!

What Lee wanted to say: A clean and fresh-looking pair of clothes would look good on you! And a ribbon in your hair would be best!

Lee: Oh, dear. She’s so nervous that she’s gone pale. Amanda should say something, too.

Ama: *giggles*

Lee: The heck are you laughing at?!

Ama: Lacking tact as always, Big Sister. That fact that you don’t realize your disadvantageous personality may be another form of happiness.

ONE BATH LATER

Cinder: Um…Are you really sure…I can have such beautiful clothes?

Ama: They suit you.

What Lee said: Hmph…It’s secondhand, but you’re so easy to please.

What Lee wanted to say: This is just the beginning! After this we’ll eat, then we’ll have you measured at the tailors, so we can have some new clothes made for you…to wear…

Cinder: Thank you very much…I’ll treasure this.

Lee: *stares and restrains herself*

Lee: *stares and restraint weakens*

Lee: *stares and restraint weakens more*

Lee: *restraint breaks* *pulls Cinder into a hug* *Shot To The Heart!!*

Ama: Whatever are you doing, Big Sister? Let’s go eat.

Lee: I got a new little sister.

#rwby #cinder fall #evil stepmother #evil stepsisters #amalee #My Stepmother and Stepsisters Do Not Pick On Me #incorrect quotes

[unlikelyempathpruneauthor]

New Beginnings

Will halstead x nurse!reader

Summary: you find out your pregnant surprising you and Will.

a/n: i literally can't stop crushing on fictional characters. This is based on the episode where April is pushed by that one guy but this happens to the reader, so yeah. Also slight inspiration from the office when Jim and Pam find out they are expecting. Hope you enjoy it! also I want to make a part two but I'm not sure lol :)

You and Will being together was a bet everyone was a part of these days. You two just had something, but you two being so oblivious had no idea. You were a great team in the ed, knowing all of his moves, and treatment plans. You were his secondhand and he couldn't be more grateful. He of course started to grow feelings for you quite fast. He just couldn't handle how smart you were and of course beautiful.

“She likes you too,” Maggie said as Will frowned, “what?” he asked as she giggled, “you know what i'm talkin about. Everyone sees how you look at her, just ask her out.” she said as he shook his head, “oh no, i'm not doing that. You don't even know if she does like me.” he said as Maggie laughed, “aha so you do like her! Finally took me months to get it out of you,”  She said as Will tried to hide his smile as he nodded “okay yeah, fine i do like her, but we are colleagues, it wouldn't work out.” he said as Maggie shrugged, “you never know if you don't try.” she said walking away and leaving him alone with his thoughts.

There were moments where you two would join forces and figure out what was going on with patients. It almost looked like there were two doctors, you had a lot of knowledge in your head, sometimes you even forgot you were just a nurse.

“How do you know all this? You're smarter than me.” he said as you giggled “i just read a lot, Will, also not to brag but i was at the the top of my class. They were even surprised when it told them i would be a nurse, said i would excel in surgery.'' you said as he smiled, “well you would. Me and you make a pretty great team.” he said as you giggled getting back to your diagnosis.

These feelings he had for you of course had developed in you as well. You probably felt something for him the first time Maggie introduced you to him. You were slightly nervous, which was so obvious to Maggie. April was also in on it too, wanting you to just tell him what you were feeling.

“You know your crushes are better than the tv drama I am watching.” April said as you frowned looking at her, “what?” you asked as she giggled, “don’t play dumb with me, you like Will.” she said as you shook your head and began to blush, “no i don't, we are just friends.” you said as she shrugged, “if you say so, but i see the way he looks at you. He always chooses you to help him with patients.” she said as you sighed, “that's not true, i help Ethan too, and corner. I alternate all the time.” you said as she pulled out a tally of the times he asked you to help.

“Explain this, you can't say it's nothing because it's dated too,” she said as you laughed looking at her as if she was serious, “April, are you a nurse or a stalker.” you said as she laughed, “I'm serious, you should just tell him how you feel. He likes you back and I know it.” she said as you looked at her, “how do you know?” you said as she shook her head, “not saying, just do it.'' she said as Ethan called her over as you were left with all the tools in hand.

Months later Will had asked you out and you said yes of course. One date had turned into two, and well you were now 1 year into your relationship. Of course Maggie and April had no idea of this. You were surprisingly very secretive. They had no idea about you, nor did they suspect anything. You two did your own thing in the hospital and once you got to your apartment your hands were on one another after a day of no touching.

Once you enter your apartment, his hands were all over you as he brought you lips onto his. You smiled as you placed your hands on his hair, missing how soft it was. He missed your touch, he was so deprived. You were the only thing that kept him alive as he would like to say. Barely making it to the kitchen he placed you on the kitchen counter as you legs were on his waist as he took your shirt off and kissed you some more. He knew all your soft spots. His touch made you feel safe, no matter what. You took his shirt off as he kissed you some more as he took you to the shower, where you two caught up with the eachothers touch that you couldn't feel when working, not even a hug or kiss.

As you walked into the ed alone, Maggie had looked at you weirdly, you looked over at her and touched your face, “what is something on my face?” you asked as she shook her head, “no, you just look a little pale, you okay?” She asked as you nodded, “I feel fine, I was a little nause this morning, but I'm okay.” you said as she nodded “okay, you sure?” she asked as you nodded. You headed over to patients making sure they were all okay and stable and had everything they needed.

Just then two guys walking in caught your attention and Will’s as well, “y/n you busy?” he asked as you headed over, “I'm with you.'' you said as you were putting gloves on to see blood on the guy as you headed to treatment three.

“Alright fellas, im dr. halstead, follow me.” he said as the guy spoke, “don’t need this.” he said very slurred as the friend answered, “hey, just let him take a look.” he said as you turned around motioning him in, “im fine,” he said as you spoke, “alright come on, let's get you on this bed.” you said as he replied, “no, no, just wanna go home.” he said as he sat on the bed, “okay what happened,” Will asked as the friend answered, “we went out to party after the game, and he sees these cards fans..” he said as the guy on the bed answered, “douchebags wearing a ‘cubs suck’ shirt. Yet we won. How could we suck douchebag?” he said getting up from the bed as you placed him back, “sir sit down.'' you said as he was back on the bed and got up again, “stay on the bed.'' you said as he turned to you, “let me go!” he said as he pushed you to the side as you hit the door on your abdomen, Will quickly gave orders to the friend and to security, and was quick by your side, “you alright y/n?” He said seeing your face for any expression as all you could do was nod and bring air back into your lungs.

“Give him five of haldol.” he said as he picked you up and took you two treatment 2 so he made sure you were all fine.

“Your lungs are fine,” he said as you sighed, “okay, can i get back to work?” you said as Miss Goodwin, Maggie and April were there just to be sure you were fine, “just hold on.” Miss Goodwin said as he was examining you some more.

“Will, I'm fine.'' you said as he pushed around your abdomen, “does it hurt here?” he said as you flinched, “ow,” you said as he smiled,  “okay on a scale from one to ten how bad was the pain?” he asked as you spoke softly, “three?” You said as April spoke, “That means it's  seven or eight.” She said as you rolled your eyes, “I'm fine, really.”

“You're probably okay, but i would like to get a chest x-ray to be safe.” he said as you shook your head, “no way.'' you said as he became serious, “y/n, you have some pain and tenderness. A broken rib could have punctured your liver or your lung, I want to make sure you don't have a pneumothorax.'' he said as you scoffed looking over at the girls, “y/n, we don't want to see you wheeled back here in a gurney.'' Maggie said as you spoke, “guys I'm fine, you are all over acting a bit.'' you said they all eventually convinced you to do it along with some tests of course to rule out everything else that could be bad.

With your x-ray, nothing bad was seen, but Will being very cautious placed the tests in order as he waited with you. Luckly the curtain covered you two so he laid on the bed nearby, he was very worried you could tell, “Will...honey, I'm okay. The x-ray showed nothing, so it's probably nothing.” you said as he nodded “well if it's nothing, there is no harm in doing tests. I just want you to be okay.” he said as his voice grew shaky, “Will I’m not going anywhere okay? I'm here. I'm healthy.” you said as he nodded. “Yeah I know.” he said as you wiped his tears away and kissed him, “i'm here for the long haul.” you said as he smiled.

Minutes later, Natalie was back with your tests along with ob, “hey y/n, so your tests look well, nothing is wrong, however we do have some good news for you.'' she said as you frowned, “okay, why is ob with you?” you said as natalie looked at you with a smile, “well that's the good news, you are 5 weeks pregnant. Congratulations,” she said as you grew shocked, eyes widened as you smiled, “woah, really? I- um, i don't know what to say.'' you said as she smiled, “well i'm hopeful this is good news, did you want to call the father? she asked as you looked over at Will who was shocked as well.

“Uh well, actually he is in this room, he's just shocked as i am.'' you said as natalie gasped along with the ob. You weren’t sure if Will wanted kids this early in your relationship, so this was a surprise to the both of you. He then began to worry wondering if the hit you took hurt you more than it should.

“Is she okay? Are they okay? It's just they both took a hit, she got pushed and hurt her abdomen.” Will said as Natalie nodded, “well that's what we are hoping to see. There is nothing that indicates, but we wanna do an ultrasound to be sure,” she said as you both nodded.

As they showed you your small creation you were both in awe, Will was probably more excited seeing that you were pregnant. And of course now your relationship was public.

“Everything is fine, the fetus is well, and the placenta seems to be great. I'm so happy for you guys! We will give you guys some space, congratulations again!” she said as her and the ob left giving you time to process this.

Will sat beside you as he placed his hands on his face and gave your knuckles a kiss. He was filled with joy. You were having a baby, his baby.

“You okay Will?” you asked as he nodded, “yeah, i'm just, i'm gonna be a dad.” he said softly as you nodded, “yeah you are, sorry i worried you.'' you said as he shook his head, “no, the good thing is that you are both fine. y/n, you have no idea how happy i am.'' you said as you smiled as you placed his hand on your belly that would soon blossom.

“I'm happy, over the moon to be exact. I just, when she said that i worried, since maybe it's too soon.'' you said as he shook his head, “no, it's not too soon. This is our timing. Might be in the wrong order, but don't worry, I'll put that ring on your finger soon.'' you said as you blushed playfully slapping him, “im serious honey, before you know it you'll be Y/n Halstead.'' you said as you smiled, “does have a nice ring to it.'' you said as you kissed him and from afar, Maggie and the others were all happy. Maggie, being the winner of the bet, had been collecting her money. She knew it the whole time. There was no doubt you two were in love. So in love that you were starting a new life with one another. It was meant to be.

#chicago med imagines #chicago med #will halstead imagine #will halstead imagines

[defdaily]

‪[TRANSLATION] Arena Homme+ Magazine April 2021 Issue featuring JAY B

Translated by defdaily.

JAY B is free and starting again from scratch. That is what JAY B has in mind. GOT7’s leader announced that he would be leaving JYPE as the group stays together. JAY B is preparing to debut as a solo musician while planning to also release mixtapes and hold exhibitions as Def. We had a chat with JAY B, who has gained more freedom and strength, at the swimming pool about courage, depression, literature and aspirations.

Did you come here alone?

Yes. I took a taxi here. I was the type to go around freely even when I was in JYPE but catching the taxi to work this time around felt new.

All GOT7 members decided to leave JYP but stay together as a group. As a leader, you needed to make a decision, right?

Although we ended up leaving JYPE, we wanted to continue as GOT7. We all agreed to leave [JYPE] and try it between ourselves.The product made from me taking responsibility/taking charge was the single 'Encore’ that was released not too long ago. I was involved in the whole process with a new record label. I was happy to see a good response [to the single]. It was lacking in some areas but I was just very proud that we were able to show a different step. Since we showed through this single that “we did not disband”, what’s next is more important. When we left JYPE, Director Jung Wook mentioned "Your role as a leader starts now." I'm realizing it now.

”I wanted to learn everything about the process of releasing an album and how difficult it is. I wanted to start again from scratch.”

Your role as a leader actually starts now.

I used to find the role of a leader burdensome at times but now I feel a greater sense of responsibility. While supporting each person’s journey, I thought I needed to be the one to step up once we got back together. We also talk regularly in our group chat. Not long ago, Jackson went to China. When Mark went to the USA, I could see him off but when Jackson was leaving, we couldn’t be together because of a schedule. So I told him to have a safe flight, apologised for not being able to see him off and thanked him too. He replied saying he’ll take care and be back.

What motivated you to leave the large agency you've been working with for a long time?

The thought came to mind suddenly as we were promoting as GOT7. Am I taking all these benefits I get for granted? When a schedule is released I just do it, and when they ask me to confirm things I do, but what kind of long process has it gone through before it came to me? Who sends a request and how is it processed? Why am I only waiting until it reaches me and simply watching it unfold? I wanted to be directly involved in that process. I wanted to learn everything about the process of releasing an album and how difficult it is. I want to be humble and start from the bottom again.

Didn't you need the courage?

Of course I did. I was also afraid. My position has risen to all the way up here, but when it comes to my actual knowledge, I think I'm only down there. I was afraid that the difference would feel too big once I left the company. But I think I would have been more afraid if I stayed at JYPE. Since that difference would have grown bigger and bigger. My real self is here, so I should face it head-on a little faster. That's what I thought.

As JAY B or as Def. who releases mixtapes and holds exhibitions, you must have had the desire to do something new.

I want to do research and build it up step by step without haste. JAY B will show hip hop and RnB music that appeals to the general public and Def. will do activities that Def. wants to do. It could be mixtapes or exhibitions, or other different kinds of fictions. Def. is the nickname I used as a bboy before I became a trainee. It’s like air floating about freely. It could be house or soul or acoustic or even modern rock. In a way, you can say that Def. is close to my “main self” but since I debuted as JAY B, I’ll also show a devoted side of myself through JAY B. I want to be a person who can do both what he has to do and what he wants to do freely.

Listening to your mixtapes, and hearing that you like the styles of D’Angelo and Ray Charles, you seem to be attached to the Southern US rhythm and blues and soul music.

I do like them a lot. I like the entire hip-hop culture that originated from there. That culture also includes DJing, graffiti and even bboying. Since I started as a bboy, I would look up older videos to watch, study the culture and also look into what each dance move symbolizes, with my bboying crew and that's how I became fascinated. What captivated me the most was their obstinacy. I felt respect towards the conviction and obstinacy they carried with their culture.

Is that mood still incorporated in your music and dance?

Yes. For example, I don’t think choreography is dance. I think dancing is when music plays and you like the rhythm and start humming and bobbing your head and moving your body. I think dancing is a free act you do out of enjoyment.

What was the reason you joined an idol group after starting out as a bboy?

I gained an interest in music too, not just dancing. When I was young, I listened to D’Angelo’s music and wanted to become a singer like him. But I was rebellious when I first joined JYPE. Haha. I was even suspended for a month once as a trainee. I definitely said hello but they said I didn’t so they said "If you're going to be stubborn, then go home" and me with my young heart replied “Then I shall head home.” and left. Then I met up with my bboying crew after a long time, and in just a few months it turned into a different world. The crew members were above me and I was worried because I could feel myself far away by myself. Should I go back to bboying? Should I continue as a trainee? In the end, I wanted to do my very best in whatever I chose so I decided to focus on becoming a singer. Since I wanted to do music, it was a choice I made with no regrets.

You started as a dancer and ended up as a main vocalist. What was music to you back then?

It was a challenge. Trainees are divided into singing and dancing. I joined as a dancer but what I wanted to do was become a singer and not just do dance. But since I was put into the dancing division, I worked even harder with singing to break that prejudice. I often felt defeated. I still feel defeated with singing. Haha. But music is about endless research. Now it’s more about research than studying.

You grew up as an only child to your parents who did farming?

I was an ordinary kid. I enjoyed Haruki’s Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage and thought the “colourless” kid was just like me. I was a calm kid who helped his parents with their farm work. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t have any older siblings but they said I used to talk to myself a lot. My mother said there was a way she would know if I was home or not. If I was home, she would hear me talk to myself and be like “Oh really?” “Yes really” haha.

It’s extraordinary to read Haruki at that age.

There was an older friend that I knew and he was really cool. He looked really cool reading on the bus with his legs crossed. He said “Hey, Read a book and build up some knowledge.” As I was trying to be cool like him, I gained a favourite author and started reading more since I enjoyed it.

What kind of books do you like?

When I was a teenager I often read Kafka On The Shore. It felt like Kafka was just like me, and so while reading it, I even cried. The style of Murakami Radio was also interesting. The ending phrase “But I like that more…” was very witty. I’m collecting books from secondhand bookstores from authors who won the Young Author awards. I like Lee Jang-wook's short story Byeon Hee-bong. The main character knows the actor Byun Hee-bong, but the world doesn't know him. He would ask "Don't you know Byun Hee-bong from the movie The Host?" But no one knows. I like stories that don’t intend to be funny but they end up making me giggle.

What do you read these days?

I try to read poetry. I purchased and read the first volume that appeared on Moonji’s Poetry Collection, but it has too many Hanja characters. Haha. I started with Munhwak’s Poetry Collection. I have volumes 1 to 85. I also read poet Park Joon's collection of poems and poet Lee Eun-gyu's Affectionate Name. I even underlined and wrote things down.

Among the idols and musicians I’ve met, I think you are the most extensive reader.

We went on tours often and we would have a lot of time in my hotel room. When I went out I took pictures and when I stayed in my hotel room I read books. When I go on an overseas tour, I pack around 30 books in my suitcase. Then I bring back the books that left an impression on me, and those that didn’t sometimes I dispose of them there. These days, I look for independent publications too. I often look for independent publishing bookstores in Nakseongdae or Haebangchon. There are many books that contain honest stories that are not refined, and the power of those sentences is great.

How does reading influence your work?

The poetic expressions with poetic license help when writing lyrics. You read a new sentence and think “What is this expressing?” You receive inspiration from that image being expressed in a new way. I think of lyrics as poetry too. There are times I write how I feel honestly, but when I want to include a certain meaning I’d want to write the lyrics like poetry.

In your photo exhibition <ALONE> last year, you took pictures of objects and signs in the middle of the road.

Wouldn't it feel very lonely if you think about it from an object’s point of view? The camera captures just an instance but the object will stay there. I think each person has an insatiable loneliness. I like the artist Seonglib’s works, and I feel loneliness in his drawings. I don't know why I keep talking about loneliness, I guess I’m familiar with loneliness.

Seems like you take more pictures of objects and landscapes than people.

I don’t really like taking pictures of people. You can clearly see a person’s emotions in their eyes. I prefer hiding things rather than revealing them too much. I prefer objects, backgrounds, and natural objects rather than subjects that openly express 'It's me!'. Tranquil things, I like when you go past something and go “that’s how it was.” I try my best since my job requires being presented to people but that’s also how I am.

Who do you like as a movie director?

I like Woody Allen’s directing. My favourite is Match Point. It's a love story that goes beyond taboos, and it's electrifying. The face of the actor who secretly asks the reunited lover to give him her number remains in my memory for a long time. How could he direct such a real-looking, raw look in their eyes? When I was a theater and film major, I used to take directing classes rather than acting. If I were to direct a film, I would like to shoot an eccentric witty romantic comedy like Love Fiction directed by Jeon Gye-soo.

Are you self-conscious as an artist?

I’m interested in a variety of genres, and interact with crews often, but I think goofing off just because they are an artist is an arrogant attitude. Everyone is their own artist, no matter what they do, right? I'm not trying to be pretentious, I just think there's a difference in expression, and people who work in the office are also doing their own art. That’s why I’m a little shy about the title “artist.” Is there a need to be puffed up with pride because I’m an artist? I’m just a person.

While filming for “What's in my bag” and revealed your medications for depression and panic disorder. When did you face your depression?

I didn’t know I had depression. I thought I was being weak for a short while and let it pass. But on an occasion I got examined and found out I had depression. They asked how I lived by without going to the psychiatrist. I said I just thought I was the type to feel blue. Haha. I’m the type that doesn’t show [what is wrong] but they said I was in a state where I needed treatment. After going to counselling and taking medications, I’m much better now.

“I just wanted to talk about it. It may not show, but depression is both a common and dangerous illness.”

I think you’re cool for having the courage to talk about this.

I got diagnosed and looked at the people around me. There are friends who are ashamed of it and try to hide it, and there are friends who talk about it as if it’s insignificant. I just wanted to talk about it. It may not show, but it’s both a common and dangerous illness. A mental illness is an illness too. Among my fans, or those who read this interview, if there is someone who feels depressed, don’t be ashamed of it and I hope you receive treatment and overcome it. It’s not an embarrassing thing and it doesn’t need to be hidden. And I was filming content where I show what’s inside my bag; I can’t lie. I wish everyone would be healthy.

Are you bad at lying?

Yes. If I have to tell a lie, I think it’s just better to not say anything. Since I’m the type that’s honest and straightforward, I also don’t like beating around the bush.

Can you share a way one can take a step forward towards recovering from depression?

Look at the world in a broad view. Know that there are many places you haven’t been to yet and there are many things you haven’t felt yet. It's also good to take a walk and go off your usual route and take a path you've never been on. Small adventures can also be of great help. Just by leaving the house you’re already halfway there. I think there are more ways you can refresh yourself outside rather than inside. Also, I thought I was an honest person but after being diagnosed with depression, I thought I should be more honest with myself and more faithful to myself. At times like this, think of yourself before others.

What do you believe in?

I just believe in god. I don’t have a religion. I don’t know what kind of existence god is but I do believe that there is a god. When I’m thankful or am having a hard time, I pray. “Thank you.” “Please let me get through this wisely.”

What is the greatest motivation that moves you?

As long as I’m alive, I want to continue doing work that will leave a message. I believe that there is no next life. I think I should live this time diligently to the fullest. To have no regrets.

Translated by defdaily.

#jaebeom #def. #lim jaebeom #jay b #GOT7 jb #interviewtrans #jb trans #jb interview #defdaily:trans

[mel-the-fangirl]

Toss A Coin to Your Witcher (Part Three)

Henry Cavill x Reader

Words: 4,365

(Part 1, Part 2)

Happy Holidays, Cavillry! I really truly hope that you all had some socially distanced fun! Here’s a little gift from me to everyone. I really hope everyone enjoys this last part to this miniseries as much as I enjoyed writing them!

Warning: I have never written anything even remotely close to smut and this story gets a teeny bit smutty so please be gentle with me.

Please like and reblog or leave some replies if you liked it!

Taglist: @novareign1, @libbymouse, @calwitch, @soldade, @happiness-in-the-dark, @seriouslygoodlookinggents, @wolvesandhoundshowltogether, @zealoushoundrancheclipse, @seanh-boredom, @speakerforthedead0, @rn7rocks, @writingforhenry, @weallhaveadestiny, @suueeeeeee

-------------------------------------------------------------

“Because. We kissed."

Kissed.

Did you hear him right? Did he just say you kissed? You two kissed? And you didn't remember? 

Just the thought of it made you dissolve into fits of uncontrollable laughter.

A valiant effort on his part, truly. He really looked frustrated and confused that you didn't remember. What a brilliant actor.

"Phew!" you brushed the tears from the sides of your eyes and rubbed your nose with the back of your hand

"Right! As if I would ever forget kissing someone like you.” you gestured to him from head to toe, “Specimen.”

“Alright,” he crossed his muscular arms against his equally muscular chest, “I am one hundred and ten percent sure it was you and I’m not about to let you change my mind, madame.”

The challenge was clear in his voice and honestly? It was really hot, his whole stern and smug vibe actually made you forget that you were trying to defend your honour. 

How could he just look like that? All tall and handsome and muscular? It threw you off your game. He looked like he was God's favourite. 

"Aren’t we going to dinner?" you asked, now openly staring at his eyes

"Oh, god. Of course, you must be starving. I apologise." he dropped his proud stance and immediately grabbed your coat from the rack

Henry graciously helped you put it on, his arms lingered around you just a tad bit longer than needed but it was all very good.

Something must have caught his eye as he stepped away from you. He gave you a small smile and made a move to lean in. 

Oh, was this happening now?

Okay, sure. What the hell right? Since he claims to have already kissed you before maybe he needed to be reminded. 

You could do that. You knew how to kiss, you’ve kissed people before.

As he leaned in, the smell of his cologne invaded your senses. It was musky but also floral. Combined with his naturally clean, fresh scent, you could just picture yourself on a leisurely stroll with him in a field somewhere, the pristine air carrying the scent of earthy wood and spring flowers all around you. Henry would be gazing at you adoringly and he’d be in a soaked white shirt even though it was a sunny day.

Armed with that picture in your mind, nothing could go wrong. You were definitely feeling it.

You tilted your chin upwards, leaning in to meet him halfway, more than ready to feel those luscious lips on yours. You shut your eyes, just to make it more romantic.

His arms wrapped around you and you went in for the kill.

That’s when the worst possible thing happened. Well, perhaps not the worst thing but this was pretty fucking close.

Instead of the soft lips you were expecting, your lips met the soft material of his sweater.

Yes, that’s right. His sweater.

You, Y/N Y/LN, had just planted a big ol’ smooch on Henry Cavill’s sweater.

Your eyes snapped open and you wondered what you did so wrong in your past life to deserve this. How could you have misjudged the situation so wrongly?

The second Henry felt the tiny amount of pressure on his shoulder, he knew he fucked up. He had no idea why he didn’t just tell you that the collar of your coat was sticking up, why did he feel the need to straighten it himself? Now, what was he going to do? He didn’t want to embarrass you.

But, it was a little too late for that now, wasn’t it?

You both stepped away at the same time, seeming to look at anything else in the room but each other. It was nice of him to also feel embarrassed on your behalf but, you felt like everyone the world over was cringing out of their skin from secondhand embarrassment.

“So, dinner?” Henry offered you his strong arm, grinning at you like nothing happened

Was it possible for him to be even more perfect? As you looped your arm through his, you found out that it was.

---------------------------

The expansive cityscape was laid out before you from the secluded trellis covered terrace of the restaurant he chose. The view was beautiful, the lights of the city sprinkled across buildings, homes, and streets, the inky black and blue sky stretching far beyond.

Gazing out at it should have made you feel calm, at peace. But you were a bundle of nerves. Never in your wildest dreams did you ever think that you’d be on a date with Henry Cavill and you wouldn’t have imagined that he would be accusing you of forgetting that you shared a kiss.

“Look,” you rested your arms on the table, looking at him as seriously as you could without getting lost in his eyes, “I swear, if we really did kiss, I would remember.”

Henry studied you quietly amidst the hustle and bustle of the restaurant beyond the French doors. It was endearing to him, how quickly you would sometimes switch from confident assertiveness to awkward fumbling.

For you, it was a test of endurance to look past the god-given good looks and focus on trying to anticipate what his next move was.

Turns out, it was one in your favour.

“You know what? I think you’re right.”

You almost did a spit take with your wine. Thank God you weren’t wearing anything white.

Okay, act cool. That should be easy, right? You were an actor after all. Just be cool. Relax your shoulders, unclench your jaw, stop sweating.

"I must've been mistaken. I truly apologise." 

He looked so sheepish, you actually reached over to put your hand on his. You tilted your head and gave him an understanding smile. A wave of relief washed over your body and to Henry, it showed. Your rigid posture finally loosened and you even managed to lace your fingers through his.

"I totally get it. I mean, with our jobs? We meet dozens of people everyday, it's not hard to be confused."

His heart leapt into his throat at the contact, it felt like his entire arm was covered in live wires but he would endure it just to savour your hand in his.

"Let's focus on our date, yeah?" 

"Yes, absolutely," you nodded enthusiastically, "Please. Tell me all about you."

"Oh, but I'd rather hear about you."

You were flattered, really. But just in case this was never going to happen again, you needed to get him talking and sponge up as much information as you could.

"And you will, but let’s hear about you first.”

He wanted to argue but you were already looking at him expectantly and despite your short time together, he was already struggling to say no to you.

So, he talked, and talked, and talked, much more than he’s ever dared to talk in his whole life. And you listened, absolutely captivated by his eloquence, his intelligence, his passion, and his wit. Not to mention his voice, deep and silky and hypnotising. Why people thought he lacked personality was a mystery to you.

“I do love theatre,” he explained with a mouthful pasta. It was adorable, no questions asked. “I wish I had that courage and longevity to just deliver every single night for months on end.”

“I actually started out in theatre.” you nodded your head as he widened his eyes at you questioningly. “Yup. I did a decent run of The Tempest at the Yard a year back.”

That’s when the ball dropped. Time seemed to stop for Henry, his drink hovered in the air just as he was about to raise it to his lips. It had finally made itself known, his smoking gun. He faltered only for a second before masking his triumphant smirk with his wine glass.

One harmless little question out of his mouth had you turning as red as the cherry tomatoes artfully scattered in the salad that was set before you.

“Ah, yes. Didn’t you play Miranda?”

You stopped stirring your iced tea and furrowed a brow at him.

“Yes. Yes, I was. Did you catch a show?”

“I did. I was at the opening night after party as well.” he enunciated this part slowly and clearly, hoping that your eyes would spark with recognition

But they didn’t.

“Isn’t that a shame. We could have done this earlier if we crossed paths that night.”

Henry pursed his lips and nodded, mildly disheartened but nonetheless, he pressed on.

“I do recall meeting you though.”

This again? 

You huffed and set your utensils on your plate. You laced your fingers together and looked him in his gorgeous ocean coloured eyes.

“Okay. If that is the night in question then I will admit that I… may have kissed someone but it wasn’t you.” 

“Well, well, well…” he raised an eyebrow at you and you instantly coloured

It wasn’t one of your finest moments and you figured you would never have to dig that memory out of the vault but here it was.

“I know how this sounds,” you shook your head disapprovingly at him, “But it’s not. Okay. On God, it wasn’t you.”

Henry nodded yet again, narrowing his eyes at you. The silent treatment and judgy look he had on forced you to keep talking, which probably wasn’t the best idea.

“It wasn’t you, Henry. Okay? It was just some random dude in a nice sweater and a signet ring or something.”

Alarm bells started clanging in your head as your eyes swept over your dinner date. Nice sweater, check. A signet ring resting on his pinky, check.

“It wasn’t you.” you repeated in more of a whisper, more to convince yourself than anything else

Throughout your debate, bits and pieces of that night started to come back to you. The most embarrassing part came to mind first, it would probably be your saving grace but, did you really want to tell Henry Cavill what you thought you did?

“Am I really that bad a kisser? That you felt the need to completely erase it from your memory?”

His tone was joking but you could see in his eyes that he was a little bit hurt. It was going to be a cold day in hell if you were going to be the person to make Henry Cavill doubt his skills in the kissing area.

“I kissed a male prostitute that night, okay!” you yelled out in exasperation

Thank God your table was situated on the terrace or else a restaurant full of people would have been in on your little secret. As your voice echoed off the walls, you wrapped your arms tightly around yourself. How much embarrassment were you going to endure?

“A male prostitute?” Henry repeated slowly, clearly having a difficult time processing this new information

“Yes.” you groaned, leaning back in your seat and covering your face with your hands

---One year before---

The curtains closed to thunderous applause, whistles and standing ovations. Your heart pounded in your chest as you struggled to keep your breathing steady.

Did that really just happen?

You looked around at your castmates and wrangled them into a group hug.

“Did I really just do that?” you asked Marge upon meeting her backstage

“Yes, you did! Now go on and get changed. It’s after party time.”

With that, she sent you off with a smack on your ass.

You’d only known Marge for a few months since you arrived in London but you liked her already. It’s not like you had a choice though, really, she was the only one you knew.

“How about that one, that one over there?” Marge slurred, shoulders knocking into yours, less than discreetly pointing out some guy in the crowd of party goers

“Shh! Marge!” you giggled, more than a little tipsy yourself

Opening night was a smashing success, it was your first ever gig anywhere, really. You were so nervous the entire time, you thought you were doomed to fuck up and forget your lines or something but that moment never came.

“HEY! REVIEWS ARE OUT!” someone yelled in the crowd

“Here we go.” you murmured, knocking back your drink and tugging Marge along

The huge crowd gathered around your director, who was standing on a stool. It was a tight squeeze since a good chunk of the people who came were already hammered. Someone from behind shoved you forward and you rather inelegantly fell into the arms of the man next to you.

“Whoa there.” you could just make out the deep velvety voice above the murmurings of the crowd

“Oh, God, I am so sorry, I-” you trailed off when you finally laid eyes on your rescuer

Oh, wow.

You couldn’t decide which feature to focus on first. The captivating eyes that were a shade of blue that your alcohol-soaked brain couldn’t even comprehend, the strong chiseled jawline you needed a protractor to measure, or the perfect stray curls that fell onto his forehead?

Decisions, decisions.

“Are you alright? You almost fell.”

Goosebumps broke out on your arms as he helped you stand upright.

God, he was handsome, an observation you thought you had kept to yourself.

The tall man chuckled, still holding on to your forearms, “Thanks very much. I’m He-”

“And Y/N, my incomparable Miranda!” a booming voice interrupted him from the front of the room

“Fuck, that’s me.”

You broke from his grasp and fought your way through the crowds, leaving your hero looking out after you.

“Newcomer Y/N Y/L/N’s performance as Miranda is the glittering centrepiece to this refreshing, masterful take on an enduring classic,” the director read aloud, allowing the crowd to raise their glasses to you

You smiled at everyone, inadvertently meeting the eye of your tall handsome man.

When the crowd dispersed, you and Marge found yourselves back at the open bar, eyeing up every guy that passed by.

“Y/N, you’re on the fast track now. You killed tonight, now it’s time to pick your prize! How about that one? In the corner? Looks tall, shaggy hair…”

“Marge, that’s a ficus.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, that other ficus has been looking over since we set up camp here.” 

You followed the tilt of her head to the same guy from earlier, the achingly handsome one. He raised his glass to you and you waved sloppily back. It was the alcohol, okay? Open bar, what were you gonna do?

Marge whistled low, sizing him up from head to toe, “Y/N, that’s a male prostitute if I’ve ever seen one and I have seen a lot of ones.”

The fry you had chomped down barely made it halfway down your throat before coming back up again, “What? No! Marge, he’s not.”

“But he is. Y/N, that man is tall, hung, and handsome. There is no man that tall, hung, and handsome that isn’t either an actor or a male prostitute.”

“Tall, hung, and handsome.” you mumbled, raking your eyes over him as discreetly as you could

In your inebriated state, you completely forgot to ask Marge why he couldn’t have been an actor. Why did her mind immediately head for the strip club? And why did yours follow suit?

“Imma go and bag myself a stripper, Marge. Okay?”

“Yes! Use protection!”

Before strutting off or more like stumbling off, you downed some more booze which probably was not as good of an idea than you thought. Not even halfway to him, you decided that you were teetering in your heels a little bit too much, so you took them off.

“Oh. Hey there.” the same silky smooth voice from earlier greeted you

“Ah, fuck. You’re tall.”

Looking up at him made you dizzy, like standing at the top of a giant skyscraper and looking down at the very edge.

He chuckled and you watched entranced as his face just lit up like Christmas. You decided then and there that you would like to kiss the Christmas, very much so indeed.

The liquid courage in you was really doing its job. You took his hand and dragged him away from the party. This was fine, wasn’t it? It’s not like he was complaining, he looked rather amused actually. Things like this probably happen to him a lot in his line of work.

“Well, now you have me, what are you going to do with me?” he asked teasingly once you two were tucked away in a dark corner

The combined effects of the excessive alcohol, the high of your first successful job, and the way this sinfully handsome man was looking at you made your next move the easiest thing in the world.

You balled the front of his sweater in your fist and tugged him down towards you. He was too tall.

Who on earth was this ballsy, clumsy, beautiful, talented stranger?

Henry didn’t get the chance to ask before his lips came crashing down and immediately, wildfire. 

A shockwave of frenzy ran through his body, he needed to feel you. He was all hands and lips and ragged breaths. His lips traveled down the smooth path of your throat, nipping and sucking as he went. You were putty in his hands.

“Jump.” he growled

You did as he asked and he latched his hands underneath your thighs and planted you against the wall. His lower half pressed into yours and you knew that Marge was right. Your hands raked through his hair and you reveled in the feel of him, strong, confident, in charge. His large hands made their way to your bottom and he squeezed gently.

A breathy moan escaped your lips and you knew you needed to have more of this man. Your fumbling hands made their way to his belt buckle but he set you down on your feet and held you steady.

“What..?” you whispered, suddenly disoriented

“I really should take you on a date first.” he panted

Sober, you definitely would have taken him up on his offer, male prostitute or not, but you were far from it and your head was still spinning so you thought you’d shut your eyes for a while and have him catch your unconscious form.

With you over his shoulder and your shoes in one hand, Henry made his way to his car and drove you safely home, relying on the satnav and your slurred directions.

He laid you gently in bed, brushing the hair away from your face. You snored in your drunken sleep and Henry smiled at the sound.

This was an encounter he was sure he would remember for a long time.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Well, that was me,” Henry nodded his head with his bottom lip jutted out. “Exactly as you remembered it.”

Tall, hung, and handsome, huh? That wasn’t anything new to him. He’s been described using far more… graphic detail, if his time searching his name on Tumblr was anything to go by. But hearing it come from your mouth turned him several shades of red.

You, on the other hand, had no words. Again. But you figured that it was all Marge’s fault.

“So, I suppose I was right?” he confirmed, unable to contain the self-satisfied smirk on his face

“Uh, yeah,” you sighed, absolutely exhausted from your little trip down memory lane. “Yeah, I guess you were right.”

Slowly, you met each other’s eyes. A moment passed before you both dissolved into fits of laughter.

“Do I look like a male prostitute? Did I exude that kind of energy at the time?” Henry guffawed, shoulders shaking

“God, I don’t even know how I thought that! I was super drunk, okay?” you covered your face with your hands, mortified and extremely amused at yourself

The laughter died down and you were left gazing at each other fondly. Dessert had long since been over and the night went on, the candlelights on your table and scattered around the quiet terrace intensified the feeling that was passing between you.

“Y/N?” 

“Yes?”

You didn’t miss the way his eyes darkened and settled on your lips. Unlike all the other times today, you didn’t feel nervous, you didn’t feel like you were about to make a fool of yourself, you felt completely calm.

“Would it be alright with you if we picked up where we left off that night?”

Ever the gentleman. You smiled and made your way over to him.

“Hi.” you made yourself comfortable on his lap and you laced your arms around his neck

“Hello, there.” he whispered against your lips

It was probably not the best place to do this, in a restaurant where upwards of twenty people were just beyond the terrace doors but you were in your own little world.

You were endlessly thankful that you were sober for this, you would never forgive yourself otherwise.

When his lips finally met yours, you wondered how on earth you ever forgot such a feeling. It was gentle and soft, as most of these things start, his thumbs caressed that apple of your cheeks then he laid a chaste kiss on each.

You breathed long and hard as his hands splayed on your back, pushing you closer to him. His warm tongue traced the outline of your bottom lip before exploring your mouth, the taste of you mixed with the subtle taste of wine was exquisite and he wanted more. He drank you in, holding you flush against him.

“Wait.” you took his hand and led him to the far side of the terrace to an alcove enveloped in a curtain of lush vines

“When did you spot this?” Henry asked, breathless as you sat him down and straddled him once again

“On the way in.” you had the audacity to blush

“You had plans for me already?”

“A girl always comes prepared.”

Nothing would ever prepare you for the sight of his full length, once his trousers were lowered, it was over for you. Henry took control by shoving your underwear to the side and impaling you onto him. You inhaled sharply, screwing your eyes tightly shut.

“Are you okay?” he struggled to control himself, having you quivering on top of him was severely testing his restraint

“Yes. Please. Move.” all you could manage were monosyllabic answers

And move he did. It should be illegal to be this good.

The night air was cool but you were both slick with sweat, you two had lost your tops a while ago and Henry’s tongue swept across the valley of your breasts and marked his territory everywhere he could. His thrusts were enough to bruise you but you never wanted anything more than to feel him.

“Henry,” you gasped out as he continued to hit that spot that made you see stars

He could sense that you were close, you were tightening around him and gripping him like a vise. 

“Let go, lovely.” he whispered in your ear, committing the way your face twisted into a mask of pleasure and desperation to memory

You rode him furiously, the sound of your flesh colliding over and over again mingled with your hoarse moans, you were certain that someone would hear you but at that moment all you cared about was reaching your peak and with Henry Cavill at the helm?

His large hand clamped around your mouth as you came, you writhed and arched your body uncontrollably as his thrusts became more erratic. He pulled out of you and began to finish himself off, he did not expect for your hand to join his and he did not expect to come so quickly once it did.

“Jesus.” he panted, reaching over to smooth your hair out of your face

You shivered, suddenly very aware that you weren't wearing anything at all. Henry helped you dress quickly and wrapped his own coat around you, rubbing some heat into your arms.

When you refused to look him in the eye the entire ride back to your flat, that’s when Henry started getting nervous.

It’s not like he could ask you if you enjoyed it? I mean, he could but that would make him look like an amateur and he would really like to think that he was no amateur in that area. So instead, he took your hand as you stood in front of your door. 

“Y/N, I would love to do this again. The date, not the sex- I mean, I would like to have sex with you again but that's not what I'm after-Holy shit."

Oh, how the tables have turned. 

Henry rubbed at his face with a hand and sighed, "Do you think you'd like to see me again?" 

"Do you think you'd like to stay the night?" 

Both of you asked your questions at the same time and you both looked taken aback at them.

"What makes you think I don't want to see you again?" you wrapped your arms around his torso and looked up at him

"You were silent the whole car ride?"

He looked so unsure and a little afraid that you couldn't help but squeeze him. How could someone be both heartbreakingly handsome and adorable all at the same time? 

"I was just summoning up the courage to ask you to stay the night!"

"Oh thank God."

He swept you off your feet and threw your door open but, you didn’t end up in bed (you’d get there later), you ended up in the same place you started, on the couch, with him spectating and occasionally helping out as you played Witcher 3.

The next morning, you woke up to a text message and a forwarded article from Marge,

“HOW BEING A STAN GOT Y/N Y/L/N HER MAN”

YOU TWO ARE EVERYWHERE. CHECK IT OUT!  I TAKE CASH, CHEQUES, AND LAVISH GIFTS. YOU’RE WELCOME.

A muscular arm gently wrapped around your bare waist and a tender kiss was pressed onto your shoulder. You looked back at your handsome bedfellow and smiled.

You’d take a look at it later. Right now, you had better things to do.

#henry cavill #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill imagine #henry cavill fic #Henry William Dalgliesh Cavill #geralt of rivia #the witcher #the man from uncle

[early2000smovieimagines]

Meeting and Dating Fred Weasley

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

- It’s sort of hard to ignore the Weasley twins, isn’t it? Tall redheads who play on the Quidditch team and are always bringing attention to themselves in one way or another? Little hard to miss.

- Speaking of being on the Quidditch team, that’s how the two of you first meet which, depending on what house you’re in, means that you either met during tryouts for the Gryffindor team or after/during a game against Gryffindor.

- The competitive and teasing Weasleys are going to mess with you either way but how they; mainly Fred, tease you somewhat depends on which house you’re in.

- The teasing which occurs regardless of what team you’re on includes: them playfully telling you not to screw something up, Fred smiling and insisting that you’re doing something wrong, him giving you compliments he jokingly pretends to not want to admit, etc.

- If you’re on the Gryffindor team then he’ll have more of an excuse to be around you and be more touchy, ruffling your hair, picking you up in a hug when you guys win a game, softly pushing/bumping shoulders with you, etc. Him and George are the bane of your existence and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

- It’s after one of your games that he finally asks you out. If you’re on the other team then you’d probably have to lose for him to do so, so sorry about that.

- He comes up to you and cheekily says “good game y/l/n” before asking “think you’d want to celebrate with me at Hogsmeade this weekend?”. This means that you either happily agree or teasingly ask what you’re celebrating, reminding him that your team lost.

“Why, you’re celebrating another great fight against the ultimate victor, of course!” He answers in an exaggerated voice, tossing his hair back while sticking his noise in the air.

“Alright, alright, sure. I’ll go with you to Hogsmeade.” You laugh in reply as the two of you walk towards the school.

- So yes, your first date takes place in the little village near the school. He keeps his arm around you as you walk in the snow together and talk. He also probably drags you to the joke shop which, knowing him, you probably should have anticipated said visit. He’s just as cheeky as always but hey, that’s what you like about him, right?

- The two of you share your first kiss about a week later, right before you go to get ready for another game; or at least before he does. He’d playfully asked for a little good luck kiss and you’d pressed one to his cheek. He hummed, saying that he “might need a little more than that”, giving you a grin as he pulls you in by your collar and presses a kiss to your lips.

“That’s better.” he’d said before sending you a wink and running off to get ready, leaving you standing there flustered yet happy.

- And just like that, the sneaky, secondhand robe wearing redhead had officially stolen your heart.

- Tons of pda. He’s a touchy boy and he loves loving on you; he can never get enough of it. 

- Fred’s used to sharing affection and attention with a bunch of other people so he’s always eager to have yours. Surprise him with a hug or a kiss on the cheek and he’s a happy boy. 

- His hand is constantly on your thigh. Sometimes it’s purposefully placed there, other times he’ll just rest it there without thinking after he pats you on the leg. 

- Hugs from behind. He loves to whisper things in your ear or duck his head down to brush his lips against your neck, making you giggle and squirm as he holds on tight. 

- Temple kisses.

- Teasing words leading into kisses. He likes making playful comments, his face moving closer to yours before he finally connects your lips. 

- Sweet, soft kisses. He’ll just keep going in for another as you’re half distracted, doing so until you finally giggle and softly push him away. 

- Him stealing kisses from you before you can do anything, either on your lips or somewhere else. He likes quickly giving you a peck before running off with George to do something. 

- Lots of snogging.

- He can cuddle you in just about any position and be happy but he has a particular fondness for when you lay in the crook of his arm with his head resting against yours. 

- He always pulls you to sit down next to him whenever you’re in the great hall together; or wherever else you can be together. 

- Him lounging between your legs; especially when you’re with your friends. He likes resting the back of his head on your stomach/chest and feeling you wrapped around him. 

- Soft looks. He acts like this cheeky menace all the time but he’s really a softy when he’s with you. George gives him smug and amused looks when he catches him looking at you like you’re the moon. 

- He likes calling you things like pretty girl, lovely, and sweetheart. 

- Flirting and pick up lines. Usually you flirt with someone when you want to date them but not Fred. No, Fred started really flirting with you after you became a couple. 

- Teasing; in every sense of the word. Poor girl, you’re never left alone. 

- He thinks spooking you is highly amusing. He likes seeing you jump or jolt at his sudden appearance, loving the way you slap his arm and whine at him. 

- Pranks, both getting them played on you and helping him play them on others. 

- Getting roped into things. He’s the ringleader of most of the twins shenanigan's so its only natural. 

- Mini competitions and bets. He’s a competitive boy and he likes that determined look on your face; and bragging to you or watching you brag when one of you wins. 

- Passing notes in class.

- Sneaking around the school together using the marauders map and his sheer knowledge of the school. 

- Getting to keep his old sweaters when he outgrows them. They’re the only piece of clothing that he can really give you, considering everything else can go to his siblings. 

- Sometimes, you’ll get him a little gift and he won’t be able to stop smiling for the rest of the day. He cherishes it; especially when you aren’t there to see. Occasionally, he’ll just hold it in his hands and smile when he’s alone in his room. 

- Snowball fights and snowman building. 

- Being dragged into Zonko’s shop whenever you go to Hogsmeade. 

- Study dates. He usually gets very distracted by you and just tries to persuade you to go do something more entertaining. He’s never been a big fan of academics, not unless he’s trying to mess with you and teasingly not pay you attention when you want it. 

- He probably likes writing stupid stuff on you or your things, stuff like “Fred’s property” or “Gryffindor rules”, etc. 

- Celebrating with him after he wins Quidditch games and being invited to join his family whenever they go to professional ones. 

- Compliments and flattery. “How is my beautiful girlfriend”, “have I told you how amazing you are today”, most of the Weasleys know how to get what they want through flattery and he’s no exception. He also just likes making you flustered. 

- He believes in you more than anyone else. He knows exactly how impressive you are and what you can do. 

- Visiting the burrow whenever you can.

- Molly loves you; especially if you try to keep Fred out of trouble. You’re like another daughter to her once she sees that you’re a good match and a good  influence on her lovely little man. 

- George third wheeling a lot or having double dates with you; when he does manage to get a girlfriend. Although, it’s not really third wheeling when it’s Georgie, is it? He’s just a part of you. 

- Getting to hear all about their new products and how they work, occasionally helping them come up with things or explaining why they wont work/testing them out. He gets sort of shy when you earnestly call him brilliant. 

- Visiting him at the shop and possibly working there if that’s what you want to do.

- Him trying to impress you with his tricks and fishing for your praise. Once again: a bit deprived of attention; though that’s not Molly’s fault. 

- He can certainly be a bit of a jerk but he’s always there to comfort you and make you feel better. It’s what older brothers do best. 

- Jealous boy. He’ll always clench his jaw when he sees you smiling or laughing with someone else. He’ll come over and kiss your head, interrupting the two of you and asking “what’s going on over here?” when he thinks they’re getting a little too comfy. He’ll definitely prank the hell out of someone if he learns they made a move on you. 

- Protective. He’s an older brother to a younger sister, it’s in his blood to watch over little ladies that he cares about; even if he gives you hell from time to time. 

- The two of you don’t really “fight” but you do bicker quite a bit, though that’s usually resolved fairly easily since you’ll pretty much just move on and forget about it. If you do fight fight then he’ll usually try to play it off and insist that the issue isn’t a big deal which doesn’t help his case. 

- If he was in the wrong then he’d give you an “okay, okay, I’m sorry” but it’s usually a bit too late at that point. He’ll give you a little space before he comes around and gives you a proper apologize, acting too cute for you to stay mad at him. 

- If you’re in the wrong then he’ll be serious for once, arguing with you until it’s settled and you apologize/agree to never do it again. Only then will he let out a breath and an “okay” and wait a minute before pulling you into a hug. 

- Lots of I love you’s, usually sung out playfully. He loves hearing you say it to him too; even if he only shows it by failing to stop himself from smiling. 

- The two of you have a long and happy life together. He knows that you’re the one for him and is eager to start a little army of hellraisers with you. 

#hp imagines #hp imagine #hp headcanons #hp headcanon #Fred Weasley imagine #Fred Weasley imagines #Fred Weasley headcanons #Fred Weasley headcanon #harry potter imagines #harry potter headcanons

[atagotiak]

Time Traveling Quasi-Reformed Vader

A whole bunch of scattered thoughts with help from @phoenixyfriend​ and @dracothulhu​

So. One thing that’s fun is Darth Vader fics where he has not fully developed a moral compass, but he’s willing to outsource that to people who do have one.

Another thing that’s fun is time travel AUs

So Post-RotJ (and post reunion with Ghost!Obi-Wan) Anakin wakes up. Which is a little weird, he thought consciousness might work differently when you’re dead and all that.

What’s even weirder is he’s like, 15.

Now. He knows that Palpatine can’t be trusted with power. And also just like, on a personal level, he hates Palpatine’s guts now, so he’s not interested in joining him again.

Padmé is pretty great but like. That’s complicated, not least because he hasn’t re-met her yet he knows even less about how to approach pretty women than he did when he was 19, which is kind of impressive. So, approaching Padmé is tabled for uh. Sometime after he gets a little more stable and learns how to function in society as something other than a murder-cryptid.

And also, he knows that Obi-Wan has always cared about Anakin. To the point of still caring about him decades after the worst of betrayals and even after literally being murdered by Anakin. So naturally, Anakin is all-in on the unhealthy devotion.

And crucially here. Obi-Wan has not time travelled. He has no idea what’s going on. Anakin doesn’t want to disappoint Obi-Wan or make him sad and there’s just no not-awkward way to say ‘Hey I don’t know if it was the galaxy’s most intense vision or if my soul literally went back in time, but I fell and destroyed everything you love and then killed you in a possible future’

But still. He wants to make Obi-Wan happy. And also he does want to do good. He feels guilt about the things he (hasn’t yet) done and this is an opportunity to do better. But he still has spent two and a half decades being Darth Vader.

I want you to imagine teenage Anakin asking questions like: “Hey Obi-Wan, how much torture is too much?” “Any torture is too much torture Anakin!”

Anakin is skeptical but hey, torture makes Obi-Wan upset, so. No torture.

The other thing that would be disturbing to Obi-Wan is how deferential Anakin now is. TCW Anakin is perfectly happy bickering with Obi-Wan about everything and I feel like that probably started as a teenager.

Now he’s not like that. Sith hells, even when he sneaks out and does concerning stuff it’s mostly just to impress Obi-Wan.

And yes, Anakin has always wanted to impress Obi-Wan. But this is different.

The speech patterns, especially early on, also can’t help.

From Dracothulu:

cracking puberty voice "what is thy bidding, Master"

Anakin’s entire personality has changed overnight in some very concerning ways. Poor Obi-Wan is going to have a meltdown over all of this.

From Phoenixyfriend:

Obi-Wan getting calls at 3 AM from Anakin like "Hey... I have a sith lord at my mercy, should I kill him?" "Anakin what the ACTUAL FUCK"

"I'm pretty sure this is a 'murder good' situation but I thought the same thing about the Tuskens--" "ANAKIN WHAT"

"When did you find a Sith, I'm--aren't you on Coruscant right now?"

"I walked into the Senate and picked a fight with Sidious. I think I should kill him, he's too dangerous to leave alive, but maybe you want him for information? Or--"

"Anakin who the fuck is Sidious"

Just imagine Anakin like a very proud cat dropping a (not yet dead!) mangled mouse at Obi-Wan’s feet. Only the mouse is a Sith

But honestly, I’m not sure he’d go straight for Palpatine, Anakin is absolutely an impulsive and fighty person, but he’s probably still pretty afraid of Palpatine and he is a formidable fighter, especially now that he’s a few decades younger. Taking Palpatine down is definitely the plan but maybe not immediately. He does find some excuse to distance himself though. Anakin just can’t spend that much time pretending to genuinely like him anymore.

He would absolutely run off for a bit and do this with Maul.

Nixy:

Cats bringing you half-dead spiders is a time-honored tradition

"He killed your space dad so it's your decision if you want to kill him"

"Anakin there are SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH THAT SENTENCE"

"So... you want ME to decide if he dies?"

"NO"

Much like a cat he is confused by Obi-Wan being disturbed weirded out by this.

Nixy:

In Anakin's defense, bringing half-dead enemies to his master's feet was one of the few things that made Sidious less likely to torture him for kicks

It's a learned behavior

“I thought stopping Sith was a good thing?”

“Well, yes. But you should wait until you’re older. And better at ethics.”

The way he handles Dooku is actually more subtle. By comparison, at least. As while evil grandpa is definitly evil by this point, he is still well-respected by the Jedi (who have no reason to suspect him of anything evil yet) and giving an injured Dooku to Obi-Wan as a present would go even worse than with Maul. He spams Dooku with anonymous messages about how Palpatine is a dick who’s going to betray him. He also keeps an eye out for any suspicious things Anakin could actually act on.

Anakin runs into nine year old Ahsoka, and yes he feels guilty but he’s always feeling guilty about something. He quickly becomes a mentor for her again and when Obi-Wan finds out he’s a little concerned and wants to supervise. Not for Ahsoka’s safety. But he does worry about what Anakin might be teaching her.

(Ahsoka does start biting people more often after she starts hanging out with Anakin)

Obi-Wan, seeing Anakin’s newfound interest in kids (or at least one kid) signs him up for some part time crèche assistant things. Both to give him some supervised time with kids in the hopes that it’ll be calming and constructive and a liiitle bit beacause Anakin could probably benefit from secondhand kindergarten level “outside of a sparring ring hands are not for hitting” lessons

This is, at least at first, drastically less grounding for Anakin than intended, though he doesn’t ever complain. (And helping teach kids how to behave does help a bit with reminding him what social norms are)

I feel like he doesn’t end up a crèchemaster. Too many bad memories and too much guilt to be caring for these kids full-time. But he does keep teaching the occasional class for little kids, like binary for beginners, or how to make basic circuits.

They asked him to teach introductory saber lessons once because he’s good with lightsabers and good at teaching. He had a breakdown.

#Star wars #star wars prequels #Anakin Skywalker #Obi Wan Kenobi

[sk1fanfiction]

the many faces of tom riddle, part 1

-no hate (this is merely my humble opinion) but i strongly dislike tom hughes as tom riddle, and here’s why-

FULL DISCLAIMER THAT THIS IS JUST MY OPINION OF A CHARACTER WHO DOESN’T HAVE THE STRONGEST CANON CHARACTERIZATION, AND THUS ALL THIS IS BASED ON MY CONCEPTUALIZATION.

Just personally, this fancast induces a lot of cognitive dissonance for me, but this is the first time I’ve been able to sit down and articulate properly why it always throws me for a loop.

Now, does he fit the visual/aesthetic archetype?

Yes. I understand completely why people like this fancast. We know that he is studious, intellectual, and (at the time people generally fancast him for) involved in the criminal underground, and he more-or-less fits the physical description.

And, to be clear, it’s not that I don’t think Tom Hughes could play Tom Riddle, it’s that I don’t think the character he plays in the fancasts is a close enough approximation of Tom Riddle.

For me, herein lies the issue.

Tom Riddle’s character is all about the emotions bubbling under the surface. He’s a disaster waiting to happen -- he’s angry, he’s lonely, he wants revenge, he feels empty and hopeless and desperate, he’s irrational...

Not sure what movie/show the Tom Hughes clips come from, but the character he plays isn’t that at all. the character he plays is very self-possessed, poised, self-aware. Reflective. Remorseful (there are clips of him crying when/after he shoots someone). Introspective. 

That, to me, is not Tom Riddle at all. 

Yes, he does deal with moral conflict, but it’s never at the forefront of his mind. It’s not something he’s constantly grappling with. He doesn’t really... brood in this Hamlet-esque way.

Tom doesn’t think. Sure, he plans, he ruminates, he rationalizes a posteriori. But he’s very unaware of himself (in fact, it’s one of his fatal flaws). It’s not that he doesn’t have emotions; just that his internal state is a mystery most of the time.

He doesn’t connect with his own emotions; he is completely estranged from them. Tom cannot tell you whether he is happy or sad (not just because of his pride). He keeps his emotions and moral compass (which are highly uncomfortable things), in a locked little box, swallows the key, and disregards them. And yet, this character connects so deeply with his emotions that even the audience can see exactly what he’s going through. 

(There’s an openness -- an ease of vulnerability -- that Tom Riddle doesn’t have)

The thing about Tom, is that he hates himself just as much as he hates everyone around him. Creating Horcruxes to save himself from death is not an act of self-love, or even narcissism to the extreme; instead, forcibly ripping your own soul seven times is the most literally and metaphorically self-destructive thing a person could possibly do.

"Of the Horcrux, wickedest of magical inventions, we shall not speak nor give direction —"

If we go all the way back to Book 1, Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, you’ll remember that the eponymous material (first described in the Epic of Gilgamesh) is capable of producing the Elixir of Life, a magical substance that makes its drinker immortal, as long as you have a steady supply. Not only that, but according to the beliefs of historical alchemists (such as Nicholas Flamel), it was capable of curing any disease. In the alchemical tradition, it symbolized perfection, enlightenment, and heavenly bliss.

If all Tom Riddle was concerned about was prolonging his life, this is the obvious (and better) option.

Here’s the alchemical symbol of the Philosopher’s Stone. Looks kind of like the Deathly Hallows symbol, right? It represents the interplay of the (at the time, believed) four elements of matter -- a sort of periodic table, if you will.

The mature Philosopher’s Stone was believed to be a red stone (for making gold), and the immature one a white stone (for making silver). Rubeus Hagrid and Albus Dumbledore, anyone??

"So he's made himself impossible to kill by murdering other people?" said Harry. "Why couldn't he make a Sorcerer's Stone, or steal one, if he was so interested in immortality?"

And Dumbledore responds:

"But there are several reasons why, I think, a Sorcerer's Stone would appeal less than Horcruxes to Lord Voldemort.”

"While the Elixir of Life does indeed extend life, it must be drunk regularly, for all eternity, if the drinker is to maintain the immortality. Therefore, Voldemort would be entirely dependent on the Elixir, and if it ran out, or was contaminated, or if the Stone was stolen, he would die just like any other man. Voldemort likes to operate alone, remember. I believe that he would have found the thought of being dependent, even on the Elixir, intolerable...”

And while, yes, he did try to steal it rather than make it, I am sure that in the time it took Tom to make all of his Horcruxes, he could have learned enough alchemy to produce it for himself (or wheedled the information out of Nicholas Flamel). While Dumbledore hypothesizes that it’s because Tom hates feeling dependent, this must be irony, because he spends the first book as a literal parasite, the next three as a virtually helpless creature, and the remainder still reliant on his Horcruxes.

"Well, you must understand that the soul is supposed to remain intact and whole. Splitting it is an act of violation, it is against nature."

But, like me, Dumbledore is making guesses at Tom Riddle’s internal state, and in this case, I think, he’s made an oversight. Horcruxes make him equally as dependent as the Philosopher’s Stone would have. It’s been established in canon that you cannot make yourself immortal without help; either you rely on the continued existence of your Horcruxes or your supply of the Elixir.

And while the Elixir represents the positive aspects of eternal life, like renewal, rebirth, and the cyclical nature of the universe (see above the ouroboros of Cleopatra the Alchemist, one of the four women who knew how to make the philosopher's stone), a Horcrux is antithetical to life. It represents disorder, and once the creator of Horcruxes dies, they are unable to move on from Limbo -- shut out of the cycle. Harry describes Tom’s mangled soul as looking like a flayed and mutilated baby -- permanently immature and stagnant.

This theme of destruction is furthered by the Golden Trio’s discussion on how to reverse the process:

Ron: "Isn't there any way of putting yourself back together?"

Hermione: "Yes, but it would be excruciatingly painful."

Harry: "Why? How do you do it?"

Hermione: "Remorse. You've got to really feel what you've done. There’s a footnote. Apparently the pain of it can destroy you. I can’t see Voldemort attempting it somehow, can you?"

With this in mind, we can surmise that Tom is either (a) impatient, which we know he is not (b) there was some deeper reason for favouring Horcruxes -- so, yes, I believe that either metaphorically or literally, this was self-harming behaviour.

He takes on the name of Lord Voldemort because he hates himself, Tom Marvolo Riddle. He hates the Muggle part of himself so much that he’s willing to tear apart his entire being. 

"Voldemort, is my past, present, and future, Harry Potter..."

If that isn’t renouncement of himself, I don’t know what is. He was clearly not born Voldemort.

While of course, this does NOT excuse ANY of his actions, I find it vastly implausible that the likes of Malfoy, Mulciber, Carrow, etc... would have been welcoming in any way, shape or form to an assumed ‘Mudblood’ in scruffy secondhand robes from a London orphanage, and as such, indoctrinated him into his fanatic belief in blood-purity via antagonizing him. 

(Imagine Hermione, but poor and without parents, in the 1930s/40s. She would not have been treated well in Slytherin, either.)

Children are more vicious than you think. And while Tom probably gave as good as he got at Wool’s Orphanage (and was possibly an active aggressor himself), Hogwarts wouldn’t have been a level playing-field. (I’ll talk a bit about this and the significance of the Gaunt Ring in Part 2).

In other terms, I think Tom was bullied for having dubious origins. That’s often the swiftest way to radicalize someone, and would have left Tom with a crippling sense of self-hatred that I don’t think he would have even picked up from the orphanage.

(And it’s possibly this early experience with relational aggression that results in his constant need to be on the offensive/defensive, distrust of others, and fear of vulnerability. To me, this is an archetypal response of someone who was a past victim of bullying.)

Why else would an extremely powerful half-blood subscribe so strongly to those beliefs? (Rather than discriminating via amount of raw power or something -- because what Tom is immensely proud of when Dumbledore meets him is his ability, not his parentage). But I digress.

Now, Tom Riddle is never, ever quietly menacing like this. The mask is either completely on or completely off. We never see this character angry. Tom Riddle, when the mask slips off, is fury incarnate. Anger is the one emotion he doesn’t find weak; the one emotion he’s completely and utterly honest with.

Besides, that brings me to my next point. Tom’s not quite so austere. In fact, he’s quite witty, and often quite pleased with himself.

Just look at the difference in their body language. Tom has much more fluidity (he’s circling Harry, the head-tilt, the eyebrows move and he smiles a bit) than the other character, who has so much tension. Yes, they’re both menacing, but in completely different ways. Tom is comfortable with his actions, no matter how shitty they are. This other guy doesn’t like doing what he’s doing, but he’s going to do it, anyway.

Contrasted with the above, Tom’s unawareness of himself is such that we end up with a character who has a bizarre mix of extreme self-hatred and high self-esteem -- he always believes he is in the right -- in this case, doing Salazar Slytherin’s noble work -- while going to extreme, self-destructive lengths, such as tearing himself in half at the mere age of sixteen.

So, sorry... I kind of get the appeal, but... I don’t like the fancast. 

(More unpopular opinions coming at 5:30 PM EDT tomorrow!)

#tom riddle #the many faces of #tom marvolo riddle #character analysis #character study #tom hughes #unpopular opinion #i am so getting cancelled #look i spent actual time trying to get those two gifs on the same line but it just wasn't happening #they line up if you make your window narrower #tw: mention of self-harm

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

I’m Always Curious Part Thirty One

Previous Part | Next Part |  Masterlist Notes: I hope everyone’s having a good week 💕

Warnings: Cursing and some angst my bad Summary: Eli knew as well as I did how hard it was for me to relax after a Tag and Run, let alone a manual one.

“I’ve seen you pull some reckless shit, but launching yourself into the middle of an active and radioactive debris field with a ship on the verge of breakdown under you, that’s… That’s gotta be top five,” Eli commented as Pollard scanned me. I shot him a tired look. “I didn’t have any other options.” “I know,” He shook his head, “But...Damn, kid.” “I’m back, I’m one piece, so maybe save the lecture for some occasion where I wind up in a biobed.”

“Heart rate is still a little high,” Pollard commented, stepping around in front of me and shining a light in my eyes. I startled a bit at the sudden flash before I settled. 

“And when was the last time you slept?” She added, brow furrowing. “I feel like if you really wanted to know, you would’ve asked before I piloted.” Pollard gave me a stern look that probably should’ve made me wilt, but adrenaline was still coursing through my body. “How do you feel?” She asked, a little imperious. “Like I’ll be happy if I never get behind the controls of an attack fighter again.” That made her smile a bit, at least. She nodded. “I want to check on you again before you leave the ship, make sure that heart rate is back down where it’s supposed to be.” “Yes ma’am.” “And get some sleep. I am not above sedating you.” “...I believe that.” “You might wanna get that hypo ready now, doc—” “Can it, Durling,” I cut him off, reaching for my jacket. He gave me a disapproving look as I stood. Eli knew as well as I did how hard it was for me to relax after a Tag and Run, let alone a manual one. If I lay in the dark, my mind would just run through what I had done, all of the ways that it could’ve gone wrong. I was sure that this experience was going to be no different; if anything, the possibilities for a different outcome were increased. “You heading for the gym?” Durling asked as we walked out of the medbay. It was a fair question, but as comfortable as my civvies were, I certainly wasn’t prepared to be sparring in them. “Nah, not this time. You got a report to file?” I asked. “Yeah— Hey,” Eli reached out, taking light hold of my shoulder, “I need to talk to you.” “Look, I will get some sleep—” “No, not about that,” He shook his head. He glanced around the hall, quiet as someone passed us before he turned back to me, “It’s about my assignment after this.” “...Okay,” I frowned. “They’re giving me the Pinnacle.” Confusion melted from my face and I grinned, socking him in the shoulder, unable to contain my excitement. “Eli! That’s amazing— Why didn’t you tell me before? Oh, congratulations!” I squealed, drawing him in for a hug. He chuckled, patting my shoulder before leaning away. “We had a job to do first,” He shook his head. “That’s why you weren’t putting the tag down yourself, huh?” I asked. “There’s something else.” “What else could there possibly be?” “I need a first officer.” “Oh. So who are your candidates?” Eli’s brows rose, and he tipped his head forward a bit. Realization washed over me slowly, and I found myself fighting the urge to shake my head and ask him what the hell he was thinking. “What?… Eli—” “Hear me out,” He pleaded softly, “You know my every move, you get how I operate, you don’t let me get away with shit, you know when to push and when to pull… And I swear I did not mean that the way it sounded.” “Bullshit.” “See?” He pointed out before tacking on, “Look, don’t answer me right now. I know it’s a big decision, just… Just think about it.” I gave him a small nod in concession, a murmur of promise that I would. But as I watched his retreating back, I already knew what my answer was. --

The canteen was basically deserted. I walked over to the replicators, leaning heavily against the wall beside it and scrubbing my hand over my face. “Black coffee, four shots of espresso— splash of caramel creamer.”

“Are you planning on having a heartbeat after that?” I did, but mine skipped a beat at the sound of his voice. It seemed to be doing that a lot lately. “The caramel is just to sweeten it a bit,” I justified, “Doesn’t taste the same as the Una Matrix, so I’ve gotta make do.” I glanced back to find him leaning against a table nearby. “Everything alright on the Bridge?” I asked, turning back to the replicator. “Fine,” He conceded, “And the shuttle bay?” “Uh…” I straightened, taking hold of the mug, “Well, Jett is cursing my name. Apparently Eli’s messed up a number of phaser cannons but having a damaged warp nacelle and a punctured cabin really takes the cake.” “Is that much coffee advisable after what you’ve just done? I’d think some rest would be in order.” “And Dr. Pollard would agree with you, but I can never sleep after tags,” I admitted. I cleared my throat, “So, how... “ It had been way too long to ask about how he was, hadn't it? We’d been on the same ship for hours now— “How’s um— Spock?” Christopher’s brows rose a little. “He’s...Taking leave.” I frowned. “That’s unlike him.” “Well, the war took its toll on the crew, such as it was.” I nodded a little, leaning back against the wall again, “I can understand that.” Christopher’s head tipped to the side, brow furrowing. “How so? I mean no disrespect, Commander, but you were very much in the thick of it.” “Yeah, but,” I lowered my eyes to my drink, “You all...Had to wait, I guess. You got your news about people that you were concerned about in a delayed fashion, and from a distance— all secondhand, second rate. Maybe some of the crew held themselves back from reaching out to people, not sure how they’d take it, not wanting to distract them... That time, that distance, it can wear someone down.” It was a moment before I heard Chris take in a deep breath. “We should talk,” he said softly. “We are talking,” I pointed out. When I glanced up to look at him, I found an unimpressed little frown affixed to his lips. I rolled my eyes a little, pushing away from the wall and nodding for him to follow me: “C’mon.” I was relieved to hear his footfalls behind mine without a moment’s hesitation. “I know where the quiet spots are and I’m willing to bet you haven’t found them yet.” “By Ensign Tilly’s account, you were only on this ship for a couple of days,” Pike commented. “Yes,” I nodded, “And in that time, she told me where all the cool kids hang out. From there, I used those tips, the ship’s directory, and the process of elimination to find a few quiet spots.” I peered into a small suite and found it empty. The outer wall was wrapped with a window. There was a desk with a reading lamp on one end of the room and a loveseat and side table on the other end. “This alright?” I asked, nodding inside. Pike peered around before stepping in fully. I took that as a yes and followed him in, the door sliding shut behind us.  “What’d you come in here for?” He asked, looking around. “Studying, once. I had to brush up on my Klingon while I was aboard,” I told him, sitting down on the loveseat. I set my coffee aside for a moment, shrugging my jacket off and draping it over the arm of the seat before picking my cup up again. I watched Christopher drift around the room, taking it in, his fingers trailing the wood of the desk. I leaned back against the cushions, taking a long pull from the coffee and wincing from the taste. “Too much coffee?” “Just not as good as the Una Matrix,” I justified. I glanced up at him to find him leaning back against the desk, arms folded across his chest. For a moment the both of us just… looked. It reminded me of the moments in his Ready Room before we beamed down to Sandblossom— but we were so different now. “So who told you?” I asked. “Una.” “How’d that go?” Christopher averted his eyes, tipping his head forward a bit, “Well, she… Sat me down, laid out Spock’s timeline, let me know that you were on the Pinnacle.” “Can I ask when that was?” “You’d been aboard for about a month.” That couldn’t have been very long after Una had called me, then. I could only imagine her demeanor when she’d told him. I nodded a bit. “I don’t… I do not know how much Admiral Cornwell told you, but she—” “Kat mentioned before she left that she had you give your word not to contact the Enterprise.”  “Okay.” “Though I am a little surprised you kept to it,” Christopher admitted. I considered that for a moment, fingers tapping along the side of my mug. “Sometimes I couldn’t believe it either. I hated it. But...Cornwell told me that you were determined to come back to Somonia for me, when you heard about the negotiations—” I watched as Chris pushed himself away from the desk, drifting over to look out of the window. I saw the tight pull of his shoulders, the wringing of his hands where he had them clasped behind his back. “Besides that,” I added quietly, “I was sure that being so removed from the war was weighing on you all in some estimation. And after Una contacted me…” I shook my head, “I'm not sure how I would've handled speaking with anyone else from the Enterprise.” Christopher frowned, and I could see the question forming as he turned to look at me. I raised a hand to halt it: “We’re fine. We spoke when the ship was docked on Earth recently.” “How long were you two out of contact?” “A while,” I answered flatly. Christopher shook his head a little bit. I slouched down against the cushions. “Why didn’t—...” I started before I stopped myself, cringing. “What would you have wanted me to say?” He asked knowingly.  “Anything, Christopher! I didn’t even know that you knew.” I set my coffee aside and rested my elbows against my knees, running my hands over my face. “I didn’t think you would want to hear from us after we left you there.” He said it so softly, with such abject confidence; it nearly split me in two. I lifted my head, brow drawn, disbelieving of what I’d heard, only to find that Christopher had turned back to the window, chin tipped toward his chest. “...After you—… No,” I sighed, pushing myself off of the loveseat, “No, you didn’t.” “We should’ve turned around,” The assertion followed fast, his voice tight, “We would’ve found you— We would’ve been in range for the war, none of this would’ve happened.” I stopped a couple of steps from him. There was a time when I wouldn’t have hesitated in reaching out to touch him, to draw him in, but I wasn’t sure anymore. “I saw the pictures that you got from Starbase 329,” I said softly, “It was a crater, Christopher, there was no way you could’ve known. And Choholl and I were so far underground for stretches at a time, you may not have been able to find us, even if you had turned around.” He turned his head toward me a little, but did not meet my eye. “I considered reaching out,” He admitted softly, “But I didn’t know what to say. ‘Hi’ seemed...inappropriate, and… And I was worried.” “About what?” “You. What you said, about not wanting to distract someone, keeping yourself at a distance…” He trailed off, nodding, “Does take its toll.” I watched him for a moment, considering this. Christopher had thought about me. I supposed that that was some consolation, at least; I hadn’t been alone in my hours spent curious and lonely. “So,” I said lightly, turning to face the window as he had, “What happens after this mission?” “Back to the Enterprise, ideally,” Christopher answered; his voice was firmer now, a little more self-sure now that I'd turned to a topic he was likely more comfortable with. I felt him turn to look at me as he asked, “Do you...Know where you’ll be stationed next?” “No. Command did mention something about reinstating Larilia to the Federation, now that Choholl has everything under control. They’re going to need a new attaché, they asked if I’d be interested.” I felt him tense beside me, “And what did you say?” “That I’d retire first.” He huffed a soft laugh, and I smiled a little. My mind drifted to the offer given to me earlier, and I shook my head a little bit. “What is it?” He asked. “Nothing.” “Are you sure?” I hesitated, “Eli is being given the Pinnacle. He needs a first officer and he… He offered me the position.” I turned to look up at Christopher, and I saw the split second of surprise before he schooled his face into a small smile. “What are you thinking?” He asked. I shook my head, turning away again. “I’m going to tell him ‘no’. Just haven’t worked out how yet.” “Why are you turning him down?” “Well, he needs someone— You know, more like Una. I am not like Una.” “... Well, you did take Onafuwa’s one-day intensive.” It took me a moment, and I opened my mouth to respond, but I could not help the laugh that bubbled up. I slapped my hand over my mouth, trying to quiet the sound, but Christopher laughed, too. For a moment, just a moment, it felt like it used to— light, and warm. I looked at him, and found that grin that I’d missed; the crinkling around his eyes and the dimples. And as we quieted, as we found one another just looking again, I felt my eyes prickle with tears. I hurried to look away again, turning back to where I’d set my coffee and walking back to it. I settled down onto the loveseat, taking a long pull from the mug and using it to cover a small sniffle. I expected Christopher to stay where he was, but he followed, sitting down beside me. He was close— but then, the loveseat was small, he had no choice but to be close. “You really ought to rest,” He said quietly. “I can’t,” I shook my head, “After one of those—” I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment, “My head just doesn’t settle right.” “Is it always like this?” I nodded a bit. I felt Christopher shift beside me a little before I heard him mutter, “C’mere.” I glanced over and did a double-take, my heart leaping into my throat when I found him leaned back, his arm thrown over the back of the loveseat. “What?” “Come here,” He urged more softly, nodding me closer. I narrowed my eyes at him before I set the coffee down, shifting a little closer. I was nearly pressed fully against his side this way, from knee to chest.  “Put your head down,” He urged, nodding to his shoulder. “Chris—” “Just try it.” I huffed, irritated but did as he said. His arm curled around my shoulders. “Close your eyes.” “If you really think is is going to work—” “So stubborn,” He mumbled, resting his chin atop my head and my eyes fluttered shut at the comforting weight, “Stubborn as stone.” If Christopher thought that this was going to calm me down, he was severely mistaken; my heart was pounding out of my chest, my stomach was twisting itself into knots. I hadn’t felt worked up like this since after Koutov. Christopher’s fingers trailed over my shoulder softly, and I found myself reaching out and setting my hand on his jacket. “...The blue’s...Different,” I commented. “Wanna command the ship, you’ve gotta wear the uniform,” He pinched the sleeve of my t-shirt as he said so. I rolled my eyes a little. “Good thing I don’t wanna command, then,” I muttered. Christopher’s chest shook with a quiet laugh. “Gotta say… it is a good thing you’re turning Durling down, if only for the fact that you seem to fight so much,” He said. “It’s all in good fun… Mostly in good fun.” “The two of you seem close.” I glanced up at Christopher. “We’re friends,” I nodded. “Close your eyes,” He muttered, poking my shoulder when he saw me looking at him. I huffed, doing as he said. My fingers absently skated over a section of the gold braiding covering the zipper on the jacket, unable to keep still. “That wasn’t an accusation, by the way,” He added. “Sounded like one.” “Wasn’t.” “Mm.” I wasn’t sure what it was— the hum of the ship around us, or the steady rise and fall of his chest under my hand, or just the feeling of being by Christopher again, but I felt myself relaxing, eyelids and limbs growing heavy. “We should— I should finish my coffee,” I mumbled after a while. “Why’s that?” Christopher murmured. “‘M gonna fall asleep.” “Good.” I smiled a little, “‘M gonna fall asleep on you.” “You’re already falling asleep on me.” “So...Should move.” “You comfortable?” “Mmmmmhm.” “Okay.” That okay was all I needed. I cozied deeper into Christopher’s side, unabashedly cuddling up against him, and I felt his hand smooth soothingly over my arm. In my haze and weariness, the tears that I’d managed to push down before welled up. Now, though, I felt too tired to hide them again. A few leaked from my eyes, and I pressed my face into his shoulder. “I missed you so much,” I admitted quietly, hand fisting in his jacket. I felt his grip tighten on me, his other hand covering mine, thumb skating over my knuckles. “I know,” Christopher whispered; I could feel his lips quivering as they brushed my temple, “I missed you, too.” Tag list: @angels-pie​ ; @fantasticcopeaglepasta​  ; @mylittlelonelyappreciationtoo​ ; @how-am-i-serpose-to-know​ ; @onlyhereforthefandomandgiggles​ ; @inmyowncorner​​  ; @tardis-23​  ; @paintballkid711 ; @katrynec​ ; @hypnobananaangelfish ; @elen-aranel​ ; @blueeyesatnight​ ; @hotchswifey​

#I'm Always Curious #captain pike x reader #Captain Pike x You #Captain Pike/You #Captain Pike/Reader #christopher pike x reader #christopher pike/reader #Christopher Pike x You #Christopher Pike fic #Christopher Pike imagine #Captain Pike fic #Captain Pike Imagine