#but it also just feels good to feel angry sometimes

[idkwhatever580]

Are you mad?

Masterlist

Pairings: Natasha romanoff x reader

Prompt: Natasha is jealous and y/n is a bit sensitive. Y/n overthinks wayyyy too much.

Warnings: slightly toxic nat (in the middle), cheating accusations, cussing, lmk if there’s any I missed.

A/N: I have a good idea for this but idk if it’s gonna turn out. Lmk if you like it and my requests are open! Also she’s so pretty like pepper spray me pleeeeeeaaassseeeee

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n’s pov

Another night full of loud noises and bright lights. This party had no significance. No birthday, no win, no nothing. But Tony Stark will always find something.

Even if it is nothing. He will use it.

So like I was saying, I’m sitting here at this party just wanting to go back to my room. But unfortunately I need to be here for publicity purposes.

I make it through most of the party with minimal effort. Not many people have the urge to talk to me aside from the occasional drunk person. But Bruce comes up to me and sits down with his drink.

Like me, bruce doesn’t really do big interactions and stuff.

Natasha on the other hand, is one of our most popular avengers and the most sought after. So she must deal with people all night. I don’t mind though. She has her fun. And I watch.

Bruce cuts into my thinking with a sigh and I look over at him and say

“Penny for your thoughts?”

He looks at me and shakes his head a bit.

I nod knowing sometimes people just don’t want to talk. But I still leave the offer open.

“Well, if you need to talk I’m here till Natasha gets drunk. Which, knowing her, won’t be for a while.”

He sighs again after a while and turns to me and says

“I like this girl”

I immediately perk up and say

“Ooh! What’s her name? Do I know her?”

He blushes and nods and says

“Who she is is not the problem I’m having”

And I nod my head and say

“Right… so… what is the problem?”

He thinks for a bit and says

“How do I know that she will want me even after she sees the other guy.”

I sigh and take a minute to think about it. That’s a tough one and I don’t want to say the wrong thing. After a second I decide to try a different approach.

“Why don’t you think she will like you?”

He gets a bit awkward and says

“Well, you’ve seen the other guy. You know how he is. How could anybody love a monster like me?”

I frown and say

“I don’t think you’re a monster”

He scoffs and brushes my comment aside and I tilt my head and I say

“Do you think I’m a monster?”

He looks at me and says

“No! No you’re not a monster!”

I nod my head and figure out where I’m going to go with it.

“Do you think Natasha, or Wanda, or the rest of the team are monsters?”

He shakes his head and once again says

“No! I’d never think that about you guys”

I give him a look and then say

“So what makes you think we would think of you any different? Or better yet, she”

He thinks and says

“Well- the other guy, he’s dangerous and scary. And he hurts people”

I nod my head for him to continue

“And I can’t control him.”

I nod my head and sigh. I think for a second while biting my cheek and I say

“Well. Like I was saying. We have all been dangerous and scary before. But that’s not what makes us us right?”

He nods his head and I continue

“And as for your worries about losing control, have you ever thought about the fact that you desensitize him?”

I reference hulk and he shakes his head

I nod mine and say

“Well, I think that maybe you are having a hard time controlling him because you’re constantly fighting with him, and you never really have given him the chance to be anything other than angry.”

He nods his head and says

“Yeah.”

I put my hand on his knee for reassurance and I say

“Bruce, if you take time to learn more about him and if you work with him instead of working against him, then maybe he’d be more willing to work with you as well. Maybe the switch between you and him would come easier even.”

He looks at me and says

“Well how would I do that?”

“Maybe give him a safe space. It sounds weird, but when I am feeling trapped and like I can’t breathe, I freak out and lash out on everyone. Maybe he does the same. Maybe if you give him a space where he doesn’t feel any pressure, then he might be able to work with you better”

He nods his head understanding and says

“Thank you y/n, you always have the best advice”

We hug each other and I say

“Now go get Dr. Cho.”

I smirk when he blushes and I say

“I knew you had a little crush the whole time. Sorry. I couldn’t help but let you have your moment though”

He laughs it off and gets up to go talk with her.

What I didn’t see happening during our conversation is Natasha.

I turn around to see her starring daggers into my soul. I walk over to her with a confused look and say

“Hey baby!”

She has a really tight grip on her drink so I softly take it from her and hand it to a random person who gladly takes it.

She grabs my hand and pulls me to an empty hallway and as she’s pulling me her grip on my wrist hurts and I say

“Ow! Baby you’re hurting me”

She grips tighter as if she doesn’t even hear me. Or maybe she does and just doesn’t care.

She only lets go when we’re in the hallway and I say

“What’s wrong?”

I rub my wrist which now has a growing red mark on it and she says

“What’s going on with you and Bruce?!”

I look at her confused and she says

“Huh? Are you just gonna sit there acting dumb or are you gonna answer me?!”

Her voice is laced with venom. And I say

“Baby I don’t know what you’re talking about”

She huffs and says

“You and Banner! You think I wouldn’t see how you were both giving each other googly eyes and how you put your hand on his knee?! And that hug! God that hug was so touchy!!”

I furrow my eyebrows and say

“Baby nothing is going on between us! He was asking for help about a crush. And I also talked to him about hulk”

She scoffs and says

“You’re lying to me. You’re such a fucking cheater!”

she goes to walk away but I say

“Wait! You don’t get to call me that and just walk away! I didn’t do anything baby”

I try to think on my toes since if I don’t act fast she’s leaving. So I do what my heart says to do.

I pull her into me for a kiss and she melts into it. Once I pull away I know she is calmed down a bit and I brush some stray hairs from her face and say

“Baby, I would never ever in a million years cheat on you. I’m sorry it looked like that but I can assure you I only have eyes for you. And he likes Cho anyways”

She sighs and mumbles

“You’re right. I don’t know what came over me. I’m sorry”

I nod my head and say

“We’ve still got a few hours before the party is over. We better get back out there before we get in trouble”

She nods her head and leaves promptly. I take a minute and let out a breath. She didn’t even say I love you to me. No kiss. No nothing. Just left.

I look down and my now slightly raw wrist. I sigh and roll my eyes knowing that I have to cover this up before going back so I run to my room and use my makeup skills to cover it up and for good measure I put on a few bracelets. Then I head back down to the stupid party.

I sit in a corner hiding from everyone even more than before. And I think about Natasha. I immediately get lost in my thoughts.

Did it really look like I was cheating? Maybe it did. Maybe I was cheating. I mean. That hand on his knee was weird I guess. I thought I was comforting him though. Oh my god. I was cheating on Natasha! She had every right to be mad at me. God I’m such a bad girlfriend. She should have broken up with me!

“Y/n?”

I snap back into reality when Wanda waves her hand in my face.

She looks worried. I furrow my eyebrows when I feel hot liquid running down my cheeks.

I reach up to touch it and realize I’m crying. I softly look back up at Wanda and then before she can say anything I bolt.

I run to my old room. I don’t stay here anymore since I’ve moved into Natasha’s room.

But there’s still some essential things in there in case someone needs a place to stay.

That someone is apparently me now.

I can’t go back to Natasha. I can’t face her. I’m a fucking cheater. She hates me. That’s why she didn’t say she loves me when she left.

She must not have known how to break up with me. So she just walked away and that’s how she broke up with me.

I snap back out of my thoughts once again and I get in my pajamas and in my bed. It’s not comfortable at all.

I’m only comfy when Natasha is with me. When her warm touch combats my cold one.

Guess Im never gonna be comfortable again. She is leaving me.

A soft knock comes from my door about an hour later. I check the time and see that the party is probably over by now.

I don’t answer but they come in anyways.

“Y/n?”

I look over and see Wanda and she immediately comes over to me and envelopes me in a hug.

“What’s wrong sestra?”

I shrug my shoulders and she says

“Don’t shut me out. Please. It’ll only make whatever is happening worse. Please talk to me”

I sigh knowing she’s right and I try to find the right words but I can’t so I just blurt out

“I cheated on Natasha!”

Her eyes widen in shock but she quickly recovers the best she can and tries to assess the situation before making assumptions.

“Okay. Um. What happened? With who?”

I look down and say

“With Bruce”

She furrows her eyebrows and says

“I thought you were only interested in girls?”

I nod my head and tears are falling but I don’t let them affect me

“I am! I’m only interested in Natasha!”

She is confused and she says

“Okay then how did you cheat on her?”

“Well. During the party Bruce came to me about his crush on Dr. Cho, and I ended up talking with him about her and the hulk. I tried to be comforting for him and I put my hand on his knee. Then we hugged and I went to Natasha and she pulled me out and yelled at me and got all sideways. Then when I tried to clear it up she agreed with it and dropped it but when she left back to the party she didn’t kiss me or say I love you to me or anything! So she just didn’t know how to break up with me for cheating on her!”

Wanda listens to my rant but before I can go any further she stops me and says

“Y/n you did not cheat on Natasha. Sure she might be a bit salty but you didn’t do anything wrong okay?”

I sniffle and nod my head and say

“But she still doesn’t want me”

Wanda shakes her head and says

“No. That’s not true. She loves you. You just need to talk to her about it okay? I’m sure she is missing you right now”

Right as Wanda says that, we hear another knock from the door. And in comes Natasha.

“Y/n? Are you in here?”

She says softly and then sees us together and says

“Oh. Hey.. Are you alright?”

I sniff and nod my head still thinking she is mad at me and Wanda gets up to leave. I try to make her stay but she whispers softly that I need to talk to nat about it.

Wanda goes to nat and says

“Listen and talk okay?”

Nat nods her head and immediately after Wanda steps out she rushes to me and says

“What’s wrong baby?”

I sniffle again. Damn snot. Then I whimper out.

“Are you mad at me?”

She furrows her eyebrows and says

“Why would I be mad at you baby?”

I shrugged my shoulders shutting down a bit but Natasha knows this all too well.

“Baby don’t shut me out. Tell me please”

I sigh once again and say

“You were so mad when you said I cheated on you.”

She shakes her head a bit and says

“No. I was not thinking straight. I let jealousy overtake my reasoning and I blew up at you. It was wrong of me.”

I look up at her and say

“So you’re not leaving me?”

She laughs a bit and says

“You didn’t think you could get rid of me that easily did you?”

I giggle a bit from her laughter and I shrug my shoulders saying

“I dunno.”

She pulls me into a tight hug and whispers in my ear

“Baby. I am not breaking up with you. Not now not ever.”

I sigh at her reassurance and nod my head. Then I yawn and she says

“You wanna head back to our room?”

I nod my head and say

“Can we cuddle?”

She frowns at me and immediately gets tense and says

“No”

She starts walking away and I look at her in surprise and bow my head low and say

“Oh. Okay”

I trail behind her and she turns around and starts laughing and says

“Baby I was kidding. Of course we can cuddle”

I look at her and immediately get excited again. She holds her arms open for me and says

“Come here detka”

I run into her arms and hug her. Then she ends up picking me up and carrying me to our room.

She carries me to our room and since I’m already in my pajamas, she just plops me on the bed and gives me a kiss.

Then she trails her kisses down to my neck and I say

“Baby not tonight I’m tired”

She doesn’t listen and keeps kissing me. I go to say something and she suddenly blows a raspberry into my neck and makes me laugh and I say

“Stop! Stop! That tickles!!”

She giggles and pulls away and says

“Sorry. I had to”

I smile and hold my arms out for her to cuddle with me but she pulls away and I pout.

She smiles and says

“I have to get changed first baby. This dress is uncomfortable”

I nod my head and curl up in our sheets.

She comes back and snuggles up behind me. She decides to reassure me once again and says

“I’ll never leave you. Not in a million years.”

I smile and say

“I love you”

She kisses my shoulder and says

“I love you more”

I smirk and combat

“I love you most”

She giggles at our little battle and says

“I love you mostest”

I smirk and say

“I loved you first”

And she scoffs and shoved my shoulder a bit saying

“You can’t use that! It’s not fair!”

I smile at her and say

“Life’s not fair. Suck it up buttercup”

She smiles and kisses my lips and says

“Sleep detka. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow”

I smile and close my eyes softly.

“I love you”

I hear Natasha mumble into my neck and I squeeze the hand that’s wrapped around my waist a bit to say it back without words.

I love you too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: man that took a while. I forgot about this one lol. Don’t forget I take requests!! Not gonna lie I was way too nice to Bruce in this one. I love me some good Bruce slander. So I might make a fic with Bruce slander lolololollll (it’s not the fact that I hate him. It’s the fact that he likes my girl)

#avengers #fanfic #marvel #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha x reader

[deathbxnny]

Heyy! May i request gallagher, sunday and boothill with a reader who is like furina?

(hiding her problems and fears while acting happy and quirky)

~🎀

I absolutely love this idea, especially because it's about Furina, who I also love, hehe!! I also made this into a teen reader, which I hope you don't mind, anon!! I'm just craving some platonic stuff lately. So thank you for this request, Anon, and I hope you like my post!!<33

Content: Platonic relationships, teen reader, angst, hurt/comfort, manipulation/brainwashing for Sundays part, father figures hsr men, sfw

Reader has no set pronouns!!

((Not proofread))

》GALLAGHER

Gallagher saw through your facade with ease yet didn't dare push you to reveal your true self to him for a multitude of reasons. He mainly, however, didn't want to overwhelm you, figuring that you hiding your true self was just a coping mechanism for a darker past you were desperately trying to keep away.

And so he let you prance around the bar in your fake grandiose personality, whilst he kept his eyes on you at all times just in case. He knew you'd break eventually, and not because he necessarily wanted that to happen. He just knew that a young kid like you couldn't hold out forever.

Whether you do finally let the facade drop one day or not is up to you in the end, however. He makes it clear indirectly that he's there for you no matter what. And even if you never reveal your darkest fears to him, he'll always watch over you anyway as well.

》SUNDAY

Sunday also immideatly notices that your rather loud and proud personality was all a facade to hide a dark past even he had yet to discover. And unfortunately for you, he doesn't shy away from confronting you for your own good. Some may say that it was a little harsh or maybe even reckless, but Sunday always believed to know better.

This most likely leads to you having to drop your mask and tell him the reasoning behind your fake smiles and quirky behaviors. Whether through your own will or his own is up to you to decide, although he also sees no shame in either. If it helps you, then he'll stop at nothing to make you feel better.

You can get angry at him, you can cry to him, you can also bury your face into his shoulder and let yourself get comforted by his sweet, soothing voice as well. He doesn't mind it. Even if some of it is influenced by his tuning ability. But you can't blame him for using his power on you, right? You understand that it is for your own good, yes? He just wants to help you.

》BOOTHILL

It takes a bit for Boothill to realise that your personality is fake, mainly because he sometimes finds himself doing the same thing at times. He only notices that something is amiss when you suddenly burst into tears, overwhelmed by your hidden emotions at last. And it all suddenly clicks in his head, that he couldn't help but knock on it in self-disappointment.

He's not good with emotions, but he likes to think that he was once good with kids. He'll pull an arm around you, pat your head, tell you that it's all good and to just let it alllll out to your old man Boothill. He doesn't mind your tears staining his steel, an old memory of him soothing a young toddler coming to mind when he allowed you to cry into him.

He knows that as galaxy rangers, you should be independent from him, fully able to be on your own and deal with your emotions as they come. But he finds himself simply making you promise to be yourself from then on as you continue on your journey together. He may be breaking some rules... but it's all good in his book, If you're happy with it, too.

Alrightttt... I hope this was okay Anon!! And thank you again for the request, I loved it!!<33

#honkai star rail #honkai star rail fanfic #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail x you #hsr x reader #hsr gallagher x reader #hsr gallagher #sunday hsr #hsr sunday x reader #hsr boothill #hsr boothill x reader #gallagher x reader #gallagher #sunday #sunday x reader #boothill #boothill x reader #hsr

[periwinkla]

Maya Fey's character is written in such a charmingly, heart wrenchingly subtle way. She has to face all manners of tragedy, but she always has that smile on her face and presses on, feigning happiness and lightheartedness. It's honestly somewhat disturbing. How can someone smile so seemingly easily after such tragedy? Can you imagine going to your sister’s workplace, expecting to spend a quiet evening together, and instead... you see a slumped silhouette against the wall of the window? She spawns the most crazy things out of her mouth just to fill the silence sometimes. Why? Sure, it may be for the game's comic relief… but sometimes it appears a tad forced? Like it’s because she wants to build a relationship with Phoenix - like her sister asked her - and doesn't quite know how to. He’s the only person that can understand what she’s going through. She’s suffering. He’s suffering. So she needs to fill the silence somehow. And she drags him along most times, she is the one that decides they should take Power’s case, after all. After Edgeworth's trial she feels useless (even though she clearly was the reason Phoenix could save him... can you believe she just charged in against Von Karma? that's insane) and goes back home to resume her training so she can help Phoenix again. After Edgeworth's ‘death’, Phoenix didn't keep in touch. Although she didn’t know about Edgeworth, she knew that the whole year had been hard on them both in the first place... so she grew worried, and basically bargained with her client to go and get him and drag him to Kurain. Phoenix can get back into taking cases just because she's there to cheer him up. So she needs to be strong! Even though she's suffering tremendously as well. Mia isn't there anymore and now she also needs to take care of her cousin because apparently she can’t even have her aunt to rely on, because for some reason the universe decided to give her the most complicated family drama imaginable. When they face Franziska? She's awfully perceptive. She's only 18, and instead of being angry at Franziska's behavior, she wonders how she can be so strong? And she seems to admire her? Would a 18 year old accused of murder think that of the accuser? That's frankly baffling. It shows maturity far beyond her age, to think of the true feelings behind people’s behavior despite what it means for her situation. And then she gets kidnapped. And still, she feigns being fine… Then then Hazakura happens. All that and she's still thinking about other people! She tries to protect Godot, even though it's a moot point. She tries to be strong for Pearl - as Edgeworth points out - and she tries so hard to not make everything affect her. She takes everything in stride but also suppresses her feelings. And she's very very good at it, even. She seems fine. Franziska is baffled at her nonchalance, and somehow Edgeworth is the one who needs to explain it, perhaps because they had similar experiences and their tragedy is linked to the same root. Edgeworth tried to repress his feelings as well (although he is, by contrast, very very bad at hiding them) so he knows what he's talking about. I quite like that scene at the end of AA3 because that makes it deliberate on Takumi’'s part that he wanted to write her that way from the start. (it also adds to the development of 3 characters at once: Maya, Miles and Franziska) Her misfortunes don’t end here, either. SOJ happens. Kidnapped again, accused of murder again. People she trusted betray her and she finds it in her heart to forgive them? And now she also has a ton of responsibilities. And she needs to appear even stronger now in front of other people, because they depend on her. She’s still cheerful though. Because she needs to be. She first needs to be strong for Phoenix, then Pearl, then for the whole village of Kurain. And she manages to be, somehow. I love when characters are written this way. Once you have all the pieces together, if you go back and analyze their behavior, it makes the experience so much richer and so much more meaningful.

#had to summarize this a lot because tumblr apparently has a word limit? #oh well #hope I got the point across regardless #ace attorney #maya fey #aa musings #musings #soj spoilers

[midastouch-zaza]

Absolutely adore your writing and was curious if you have any head cannons for the Le Sserafim girlies

[Heya, mate! I made you wait a bit, but we're finally here. I write rarely headcanons on this blog, so once in a while they are very refreshing and fun, especially if le Ssera girls are included😈]

Le Sserafim naughty thoughts:

Sakura

Let me tell you something: experienced idols are the best: she knows exactly how to please a man, especially with her hands. Maybe it's because of her skills with crochet, but her handjobs are the best, her delicate fingers would absolutely destroy your cock, playing with the speed and with the intensity, opting, according to her mood, for edging you or overstimulating you. Also, do you have in mind the moan and the way the jav actress move her body during sex? Well, that's exactly her while you're fucking her. I guess the years spent to promote in Japan really marked her, because even if she's brutal with her hands, she's the biggest sub with your cock deep inside her. Favorite position and place? Missionary in bed.

Chaewon

Ah yes, the leader, the angry cheetah, or to better say, the biggest brat to tame. Like, yeah, she's such a lovely girlfriend, but sometime this slut just need to be put in her place: face pressed down while you're pounding harshly her pussy from behind, not giving her the time to catch up her breath. And about breathing...she wants you to place your hand around neck, choking her slightly, enough to make her mind dumb and let her slutty side completely cum out. Be sure to spank that fat ass while you're ravaging her pussy, and forget to fill her with your warm cum, she loves being filled. Favorite position and place? Mating press on the floor or standing doggystyle against the table.

Yunjin

Miss Jennifer is without a doubt the kinkiest bitch in the group, she's down for almost every shits coming to your mind: rimming, golden shower, pet play, BDSM...she literally lets your horny mind play with your body in every way you can think about. But honestly her stronger point are blowjobs: those plump lips will make your cock feel in heaven. And the fact she's a good vocalist should suggest you that she can take you deep...yeah, your tip is gonna touch her throat and your balls are gonna be tickled by her tongue. You don't even need face fuck her, she will literally devour that cock on her own, leaving you alone only when she's sure your balls are definitely empty. Favorite position and place? On her knees between your legs and her mouth full, every location is fine.

Kazuha

Young blood is something else. You expected to be the one teaching and corrupting her, but, fucking hell, she surprised you when she almost begged you to fuck mercilessy her ass at the first date. She literally pulled you in the bathroom of that fancy restaurant and let you pound that ballerina booty until she couldn't walk straight anymore. Also, flexibility? Hello? You can fuck her in every position and she will never have problems bending her body as you wish. You can even lift her legs and put them behind her head, there's no resistance. Furthermore that position is fantastic for fucking both her pussy and her ass, she just wants you to stretch her holes. Favorite position and place? The bridge position in the training room.

#kpop smut #kpop thoughts #girl group smut #kpop x male reader #girl groups x male reader #le sserafim x male reader #le sserafim smut #le sserafim sakura #le sserafim chaewon #le sserafim yunjin #le sserafim kazuha #sakura smut #sakura x male reader #chaewon smut #chaewon x male reader #yunjin smut #yunjin x male reader #kazuha smut #kazuha x male reader #izone smut #izone x male reader #izone sakura #izone chaewon

[angelsdean]

ruthlessly deleting old 2021/2022 posts (not by me) from my dean studies tag like *click* un-incorporating that from my beliefs system! also the way SO many posts have me like ok uh-huh good aaand then say one completely wrong thing that loses me. it's so many posts.

#it's usually when they randomly drop some line of fanon. like saying dean has never admitted to being wrong in his life #or never expressed an emotion or been vulnerable or doesn't Talk About Feelings or is super duper RepressedTM #like i'm sorry. have you watched the show. oh and have you taken off the sammy POV goggles first? #bc this guy is always crying and being vulnerable and talking about his feelings. he is self-aware. #he may not always want to talk to sam abt things! but he sure does talk about things with other people #do i need to reblog the compilation posts AGAIN? #(also re: his sexualiy? AWARE. sorry i saw him flirt and be flustered by so many men. he knows how he feels.) #and then 'first time ever admitting to being wrong' this one came from a post abt dean's prayer in the trap #like i'm sorry but first of all. dean apologizes more than any other character on the show. there are hard numbers on this. #people have tracked this on spreadsheets. i think ilarual is one of them. #and often he is apologizing for things that aren't even his fault! but he still feels responsible for bc he's been made to feel that way #his whole life!! #other characters *cough samandcas *cough* apologizing Less doesn't mean they've Done less things wrong #it just means they're not owning up to it and brushing it under the rug. something both do frequently. #anyways. aside from apologies. dean also has no problem admitting he's wrong y'know when he's actually wrong #which is less often than you'd think bc he has pretty good instincts and intuition and often suspects things which turn out to be Right #but anyways. another thing abt the trap prayer is. i don't think cas Needed to be forgiven #i think dean was justified in feeling angry w cas over the circumstances leading to the Death of His Mother! totally normal grief response! #i think cas also understands dean to be someone who needs time to process and deal with his feelings (he says as much to jack) #however. despite me not think dean Needs to forgive cas. the thing is. with dean when it comes to cas the forgiveness is implicit #when he says /of course i forgive you/ and in the cut like /of course i wanted you to stay/ like. yes he was mad and dealing with grief #but also. yes cas was already forgiven even back then. he just needed Time to work through the feelings #anyways i think dean says he 'forgives' cas bc it's what CAS needed to hear to stop feeling guilty and dean gives him that closure #but i also think cas was already forgiven even in dean's anger. he wants him there always. i'd rather have you. we can fix this. etc etc #a lot of tags for a non-rebloggable post ajksdfs maybe i'll make these into a real post sometime #vic.txt #dean and feelings #so i can find this all again later

[correctproseka]

An essay on autistic Mafuyu

Coming from a very autistic person.

Mafuyu has a bunch of autism symptoms, but a lot of them can also be explained by other reasons, such as her upbring and trauma, but not all of them, so I'm going to start speaking about the explainable by other things traits and move up to "boy you're tism". (Notw that the trauma explanation can also have a pre-disposition to happen due to tism)

In the biggest "can be explained by her trauma" category, we actually have the biggest reason people headcanon her as autistic. Her Alexithymia. Which is just a fancy word for "can't recognize her own feelings". No i did not have to copy paste that name to not write it wrong. Yes, many autistic people are bad at recognizing their own feelings, me included. But we also have to note that Mafuyu absolutely hid away those feelings for a mask and because they were needs not being met, a "good girl" like her doesnt get sad or angry right? Thats what made her push down those feelings so much she just ended up.. numb. Its extremely common in depression as well as autism which made me personally not realize i was depressed until someone made me put it into words, it was similar to my normal.

Theres also her.. exquisite vocabulary, Mafuyu uses lots of fancy terms sometimes, which is very stereotypical white boy autism. But also, she was pushed books down her throat by her mom since she was a child, she was expected to be this "fancy" and "smart-sounding". So she is.

Observant. Mafuyu doesn't talk a lot, she observes. She can recognize things on others sometimes, but mostly about the environment, which can be an autism noticing a bird singing 5 blocks away or a trauma "i need to notice this or i get fucked" reaction.

Mafuyu as mentioned, tends to listen more than speak, I am personally not this kind of autism, but it exists, Mafuyu is quiet, listening and only speaking when she feels her input is needed. This can be simply a mixture of autism and trauma. She doesn't feel the need to speak, so she doesn't, why would she waste her energy like that? Smh.. but also her good girl mask is supposed to be a good listener, not much of a yapper.

Now we are starting to move onto the things she does that are less explained by trauma and more explained by tism. Which is my favorite part to analyze.

Parallel play: Mafuyu seeks comfort with being with niigo and working alongside them, she doesn't even need to be talking, as seen by the kitty event where she kept just listening to them on earphones, she just wants to be near her people and gets calmed down by being with them.

Bluntness. As an autistic person i am extremely blunt in wrong situations, and can easily not recognize its the wrong situation. Per example Mafuyu's "why dont you imagine you're gonna get killed if you dont do it in half an hour" or all the times she points something out to Ena and gets a scream back because it was the wrong time? Mafuyu says what she thinks and when out of the mask she really. Really. Lacks a filter, because she doesn't know when or what she's supposed to speak or not

She.. kind of needs people to say the obvious? Sometimes she doesnt realize whats going on, why she's reacting in a way, so and so. One of the reasons Mizuki had to tell her it's ok to run away. Mafuyu never considered it. It wasn't obvious for her like it would be for a lot of people, she's kind of very oblivious in emotional matters like that, and needs someone (coughs usually Mizuki) to explain something to her

There's probably more but im doing this in like 15 minutes.

Plus, all in all, she makes autistic people like me really relate to her, even if they can be mostly explained by trauma doesnt mean she doesn't show those signs or that they're only because of that, even the mask she uses is a known neurodivergent thing.

#project sekai #proseka #prosekai #colorful stage #pjsekai #puroseka #asahina mafuyu

[painted-bees]

I love it when you dive into the psyche stuff with Margie and Raf. I swear I learn something new about myself every time I read a post about them. It's nice that they're both very patient and supportive with each other and that their struggles overlap in a way that grants them more empathy than they might have had otherwise. That said I'm curious to know how they clash, if at all. Does either of them have symptoms that triggers or exasperates the other's symptoms? How do they manage it?

that makes me so happy, thank you ; 0; <3

aaa so, chiefly, the relationship between these two is built on a pretty fundamental feature of "'winning' a situation/conflict is not more important than my partner's well being"--In that, like, they're both very proactive in looking at their situation and assessing if they're responsible for aggravating the situation/provoking a response, and to what extent. So typically, once they realize a situation has gotten away on them, they're both able to take a pause and even physically separate for a hot moment if need be--and then try and figure out what happened, what can be done, and apologize in earnest for any misinterpretation or disproportionate responses, etc. It's usually both of them apologizing to each other after identifying out loud out their own missteps/contributions, and it's usually fine. So a 'big' emotionally charged conflict between them might last like...an hour at most before before it deescalates into more co-operative conversation. Because neither of them want to "win" the fight, they just wanna not be mad at each other and see the other person comfortable--which requires understanding why they're mad rather than leveraging the other's angry response as against them, etc.

Funnily enough, this kind of...conflict resolution style wasn't Raf's initiative (he tends to be a lot more reticent to admit wrongdoing and apologize, lest it be used against him...and he's got a really bad habit of tallying up transgressions in his head and letting those grudges inform him on how much leeway he's willing to give someone before he decides they're straight-up unlikable)--but rather, it's always been Margie's way of negotiating conflict. Probably because she grew up with a very autistic brother, and being able to step away/leave the situation, calm down, and then reconvene to communicate their exact feelings and what provoked those feelings (in a weirdly dispassionate/objective manner of collaborative analysis) was a pretty critical part of her good relationship with him--a solution that evolved organically between them. And, since it worked so well with her brother (and frequently with her parents as well, wherein she'd often be applauded for her show of 'emotional maturity' or whatever lmao), she tries to employ this method with everyone close to her. It doesn't always work out... Earlier in her relationship with Raf, she'd always be first to apologize for provoking certain reactions out of him. As well, she just...never gets angry in response to someone being angry with her. She's also maybe a little too quick to apologize sometimes, which initially would have rubbed Raf the wrong way as being kinda manipulative/insincere (which, it kind of is...but not in a manner employed to gain any kind of upper hand over him)--to which he would deliberately avoid apologizing in response. He'd drop it instead, and act like nothing was wrong in the first place...which (whether consciously or not) is a manipulation tactic of his own, designed to provoke some variation of a "well wait, you were wrong and you need to give me apology" response from her. Which, of course, never came lmao. If Raf says "whatever, it's fine", unless she is also frustrated with herself, she'll take his word at face value. (the same way she does for everyone). Eventually, this leads him to to carefully admit when he feels his reactions are disproportionate. And, after while of that consistently leading to no further aggravation, his short hand to her "Sorry, I didn't mean to/I didn't mean it like that!" becomes a simple "I know. Sorry I barked at you." The gradual comfort of being 'wrong' in those very tiny, low-stake situations is what gives him the confidence to risk admitting he may be "wrong" in bigger conflicts. If, at any point--even once, Margie had taken this vulnerability and wielded it against him in any situation, he'd never let himself 'fall for it' again. But that's yet to happen. Still, it feels disproportionately risky for him to admit out loud, in earnest, that he had any part to play in a misunderstanding or in the construction of a bad situation--Like turning your back on an enemy who is poised to stab you with a knife.

Raf generally tends to be agreeable in most situations, he's a well practiced diplomat despite his disordered outlook and interpretations of things. But--he is stubbornly unapologetic. He'll drop the topic, insist it's no big deal to him anyway, tell you it's fine, to never mind, do what you want, etc. But he won't tell you it's 'his bad' or that he's sorry about anything. And if you don't meet him where's he's at with that then, in his mind, you've become The Problem. Forever. However, his care for Margie and her wellbeing bolsters his conscious efforts to treat her well, even at risk to himself. He'd rather end up in a situation where she's proven to him beyond a shadow of doubt that she never really cared about him and has been using him this whole time--than end up in a situation where he becomes a traumatic ex; someone that hurts her to think about. Therapy helped him determine that, at least in this situation, misplacing his trust is marginally less injurious to him than misplacing his suspicions. But sometimes, it takes him a hot moment to remember this and respond accordingly. Sometimes, it takes him more than a hot moment. Margie's there when he does come around to it though. She has her clear lines in the sand and--though I don't doubt that he's come close in his most fearful moments--he's never crossed them. With that said, yeah--I dunno LOL Raf is clinically predisposed to believe that he is being taken advantage of, or that he will be taken advantage of by anyone, at any given time. Margie can become pretty careless when she is very enthusiastic/eager for something, and her forward momentum does sometimes steamroll right over his toes. It can be more than a little challenging for Raf to stay grounded and respond reasonably when Margie lets excited desire drive her blindly forward at mach speeds when he feels like he's being dragged behind her. Other times, she'll try to dig into why he responded a certain way before he's had time to process and compartmentalize it for himself, all because she feels badly and wants to figure things out with him so that they can both feel better about it. He's learned that this is easily resolved with a terse "I love you, but holy shit, give me some fucking space, please." Which--usually warrants its own apology but, yanno...she gets it. Margie can be very "go go go, this is exciting, this is so fun, this is all that matters right now!! Oof--ow, shit, I hit something, was that a speed bump??" and Raf is often very "wait, what? Wait what!? Wait, that's all that matters?! Wait, what??? Hit the fucking breaks, that speed bump was me and now I am fucking dying." and that's usually where most of their conflict/clashing occurs. Margie will feel disproportionately ashamed/embarrassed/rejected, Raf will feel disproportionately slighted/put upon/mistreated. And if they didn't agree to talk to each other about it, with a shared, genuine desire to see each other in a state of comfort, their relationship probably couldn't thrive.

#Hi-Note #Magritte #Rafael #I feel like variations of this gets asked a lot #but I will answer every time lmao

[theperplexednavigator]

Some Heart thoughts:

Heart is a bitter, resentful, pessimistic person who is jaded by the world around him. He struggles with his depression (or rather, Mind would say he's "ruled by his depression"), and he has very unhealthy coping skills, instead allowing himself to fall into states of numbness (during these states, he wonders sometimes if this is what being Mind feels like, cold and unemotional).

Because he is the emotional side, this makes him a lot more sensitive to criticism, and since "emotional side" means the full spectrum of emotions, he may become angry in response to these critiques, making him lash out, often with violence. Thus the Juno incident.

Mind thinks that Heart is allowing himself to fall victim to his own emotions on purpose, even accusing him of using his emotions to manipulate others. But Heart can't help it, and if he is, in fact, manipulating others, then he is doing it unintentionally and unawares.

Heart tends to focus on the negatives, being the jaded pessimist that he is. He also has a hard time letting go of the past. Thus why when Mind is asking for help during Light, Heart instead elects to focus on their past interactions and fights. He has a hard time accepting the fact that Mind might not actually be the villain that Heart thinks he is.

Despite these flaws, Heart would not trade being the emotional side for anything. Because with emotions come compassion, excitement, empathy, happiness, and the pursuit of comfort. He can even be gentle with those he cares about.

So he just lives with it, lives with the goods and the bads of emotions. What he needs is a balance, a check on his worse emotions and impulses. Which is where Mind comes in. Unfortunately, Heart has a hard time reaching out for help.

He seeks comfort, thus the plushies from my previous headcanon. Being attached to the past, Heart can be very nostalgic.

Sometimes he cares too much, except for when Apathy closes in, and he ends up not caring enough, such as in the end of The Heart Acoustic. Otherwise, his emotions run intensely, as he feels things more deeply than your average person.

(Slaps Heart's shoulder) This guy can fit all the emotions in him.

(All three of these guys have flaws, and the worst qualities of these flaws keep obstructing their points of view. Each of these guys is the problem in their own way.)

#that was...a lot #hopefully this all makes sense #navifitzspeaks #chonny jash #chonnys charming chaos compendium #cccc #cccc heart #cccc mind #chonny jash heart #chonny jash mind #chonny jash headcanons #chonny jash fandom #cj heart #cj mind #cj headcanons #cj hms #headcanons and words #headcanons #cj fandom #the heart acoustic #the mind electric #cw depression

[quillpokebiology]

If your still doing facts, maybe Lucario facts please?

(Sorry couldn’t find if you did this one or not.)

I did, but I deleted it a while ago.

Lucario Facts

(Art by sesamin_333 on Danbooru)

-The scientific name for Lucario is "Canis Aurus" which roughly translates to "Aura Dog"

-Lucario are both highly diverged canines and vulpines, and are most closely related to Houndoom. This is shown with both of them having sharp teeth, long snouts, and similar eye shapes

-Despite being known for their more "wild" nature, Lucario and humans have lived side-by-side for thousands of years, going all the way back to ancient hyroglyphs on walls. One region even worshipped a man with a Lucario head as a God, so Lucario were considered sacred because of that

-In the wild, Lucario live with other Riolu/Lucario in groups; the one with the strongest Aura leading the pack

-Lucario in the wild don't make a lot of noise, as they can communicate with their pack using auras. Lucario in captivity are a lot more vocal as it's easier to communicate with humans that way

-Lucario are known to be very clingy pokemon to their trainers, following them around and going out of their way to protect them. But, many Lucario also don't like being petted a lot because in their social groups, the leader Lucario is the one that the others groom. This isn't because they dislike you; it's just a sign of respect (they will accept the occasional pet though). Riolu are a lot more clingy, licking and cuddling up to other Lucario or their trainers

-Lucario are most commonly found in mountains. However, there are different breeds of Lucario that can be found in other climates. For example, Lucario that live in the plains or Savanna have longer limbs and are taller

-In ancient Hisui, Lucario were seen as mysterious yet powerful beats who were able to read minds. This confused a lot of people into believing they were psychic types

-Little is known about Lucario's aura sensing abilities, but researchers believe that aura is something like sounds waves or light waves to them. They prefer people with strong auras, be that angry or happy

-Trained Lucario are known to be good therapy mon because they can sense the auras of others well and can understand what they're feeling better

-Lucario bred with Watchog and Furret are very popular breeds for tracking, as Furret and Watchog are naturally watchful pokemon, so the Lucario with those fathers are extra perceptive

-Most of the Lucario we see today are domesticated, but there are wild breed Lucario. These Lucario are bipedal, but they prefer to run and hunt on all fours

-In the wild, Lucario most often live in dens or caves

-Lucario are very loyal pokemon that mate for life. While male Lucario are more open to mating pokemon outside of their species, female Lucario are more picky; preferring to mate with other Lucario, which can make crossbreeding Lucario a bit difficult

-Lucario are most commonly found in rocky mountains; with their thick torso and leg fur helping them deal with the cold. Their slanted eyes also block out the sun's rays due to a lack of clouds or coverage

-Lucario have been known to adopt orphaned Riolu. Sometimes, they'll even adopt other young canine or vulpine pokemon

-Lucario are opportunistic omnivores, and wild Lucario have been known to steal crops from human settlements. In Paldea and Kitakami (where they're more common because of the many mountains), their main prey is Lechonk, Fletchling, Fletchinder, Pawmi, Pawmo, Yungoos, Skwovet, Greedent, Psyduck, and Rufflet

#//listen ik that Jackals are wild predators and all that #//but I NEED yall to go om youtube. look up Saveafox Anubis the Jackal. and watch the videos #//that is literally the cutest and most friendly and affectionate jackal ive ever seen #//saying this cuz Lucario was based on a jackal #lucario #quill awnsers #quill pokefacts #rotomblr #pokemon irl #pokeblogging #pokeblog #irl pokemon #pokemon #pokeblr #rotumblr #pkmn irl #pokemon roleplay #irl pkmn #pokemon biology #pokemon biologist

[lovearthur]

hiii!! i literally love your account first off!! your aesthetic, your writing like OMG?? ur AMAZINGGG your writing and account is just so pretty and cute lol i love it

i was wondering if you could do something with Arthur’s very shy, timid, cutesy (you get the idea) gf getting mad at dutch or micha or someone for working arthur too hard and keeping him away from camp (and in turn herself)

please no rush!! i know your studying currently (GOOD LUCK BTW YOU GOT THISS!!)

𝒔𝒂𝒄𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒚 (𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒉𝒖𝒓 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒈𝒂𝒏 𝒙 𝒉𝒚𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒇𝒆𝒎!𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓)

𝓑𝓔𝓕𝓞𝓡𝓔 𝓨𝓞𝓤 𝓡𝓔𝓐𝓓! hyperfem! reader . shy reader . angry at dutch but u kept ur cool . arthur is his usual sweetheart swlf

u were a sweet girl. quite timid, too. one of the most sweetest girls within the camp. besides mary-beth, of course.

a ball of sugar is what mr matthews referred to uand he wasn't wrong. most members agreed. the way u presented urself helped ur tooth-rotting sweet reputation too. u dress in all pink frills, bows and laces. u always saved ur money well to make sure u keep up with ur appearance in a hard life like this once. u didn't think u would ever have someone take a liking to u but u were proven wrong.

arthur morgan. he was the gentle man that took a liking to u and he's been ur boyfriend for months now. although, u never understood why some people found him intimidating. was this the same arthur everyone was talking about? since arthur was always so sweet and fragile with u, like u were a doll. letting u take ur time talking with u being so shy, letting u talk about anything and everything and he listened to u with love in his eyes.

anyway, the past few weeks u have noticed that arthur's been more stressed that usual and that u barely seen hik in camp which was fine but recently he gone mote often. when u have seen him, he was more short tempered, more irascible. always giving u various excuses of "'m fine darlin', don't worry" or "aint nothin' t'worry yer head 'bout." and u being the best gf ever, u always nodded and did ur best to cheer him up.

arthur was sitting on the edge of his bed, his elbows leaning on his thighs. a heavy sigh let his sighs, sometimes the stress took a toll on him but he was good at keeping that to himself. the lead enforcer, the work horse, the main man. it could be tough sometimes...

“arthur?... are ya okay?” a small, sweet asks him. he looked up, prepared to come up with some sarcastic remark, thinking it was someone else but his face softened, realising it was u. his girlfriend. his sweetheart of a girlfriend. standing by the tent entrance, in ur usual pink dress attire. with a light bow in ur hair. “yeah.. yeah, my sweet girl, 'm alrigh'.” he replies, smiling at ur cute face. “... 'cause ye seem real stressed, hope dutch isn't workin' ya too hard again.” u say, as u sit down next to him, he laces his fingers with urs. “nah, ain't dutch, jus'.. a lot t'think on.” he says with a soft sigh, while u kiss his cheek. his words did upset u slightly, u knew dutch was working him too hard. again. wasn't a surprise but it did annoy u quite a bit.

u knew arthur was being worked too hard. u knew it in ur soul. it was usual for him, not like he'd ever complain. the gentle man that he is. u also understood his high status within the gang, the authority he holds. u understood too well, perhaps. despite the fact u were too much of a people pleaser to say anything, anyway.

thats what u were. thats what u were known for. u kept ur nose away from anyone else's business. no need to get involved with anything if u had no connection with it, right?

u pulled urself away from ur thoughts, peppering kisses across arthur's face, feeling ur soft lips against his, and made his cheeks rise with heat, especially knowing that ur pink lips stained his face. “now dolly, what's gotcha all lovey for?” he asks with a chuckle. “nothin'.. jus' wanna kiss my outlaw. id that so bad, mr. morgan?” u reply with a giggle, kissing his face once more. “'course not. jus' thinkin' its 'cause ye miss me so much when im away from ya.” and u pulled away with a soft sigh “jus' dont like when dutch makes ya work so hard.. u do so well thatcha deserve more free time, handsome.” u say softly as u cup his face, studying him.

. ⋅ ۵ ♡ ۵ ⋅ .

now, here u are. mentally preparing urself before u talk to the main himself, dutch van der linde. he was nice, u respected a huge amount, too. even more knowing how he and arthur are. u both wanted the best for arthur, but u were never sure if dutch likes u. “mr van der linde, could i.. talk to you fer a moment?” u ask softly, ripping his gaze from the book he was reading as he was sitting on the edge of his bed. “of course, my dear. come, sit with me.” he bellows, patting the space beside him. ur heart skips a beat in the way that u were.. strangely nervous, and u sat beside him. “i.. i was just wonderin' if i could take arthur out, away from camp for a bit tomorrow.. if that's okay with you?” u ask, keeping ur tone soft.

he gave u a look, u weren't sure what kind of look... but it was a look. “he just seems so stressed, so i thought id ask you 'nd see if we could go huntin'.. just me 'nd arthur” u added, doing ur best to make him understand u. “hm.. i do need young arthur for the train robbery tomorrow...” he says, putting his book down to the side to give u his full, undivided attention. u sigh softly, but subtly. u were terrified of dutch, in a way. u couldn't deny that he was also intimidating, in his own way. “well, can i take him after? we won't be long, really, I promise.” u say, practically begging dutch to let arthur spend more time with u. its been so long since u and arthur have had time to urselves. u would be so close to hanging out even more than "just hanging out" until ur both interupted, it was sometimes annoying but it was something that u both endured and accepted that it will happen.

“.. with all respect, think he deserves one after he's been so busy. in 'nd out all day, every day.” u added with a hint of a stern tone. u understand arthur's and dutch's high status, but arthur needed a break. he deserves it. “thank you, miss [name.] for looking after arthur but im sure hes fine. aftee tomorrow, the two of you can do what you want, my dear.” he says, keeping his gaze fixed on u as u smiled at him, doing ur best to keep ur calm. “thank u, dutch.” and he nodded before he got the book and continued reading.

hopefully from now on, u will see arthur more often.

#red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #arthur morgan #arthur morgan x reader #arthur morgan rdr2 #arthur morgan x you #arthur morgan x female reader

[loveandmurders]

The Sun of Ambrose II (Sinclair daughter!reader)

Hello everyone, this is the second part of a new Sinclair!daughter AU in which the reader is Bo's daughter and she has been taken away and adopted by a new family.

This is the direct continuation of this.

Hope you'll enjoy! <3

Warnings : No proof reading, angst, mentions of a boy groping, touching and wanting to rape reader, killer!reader, violence, blood, anger, manipulation.

Your grandfather and grandmother were killers. 

Your father and uncles were killers. 

Even if you didn’t know about all of this yet, it was written in your blood, in your DNA. You were born to be a killer too. You were born with this rage and with this skill. You were born to be something else than just normal. 

You weren’t a lost little girl anymore.

You were 16. 

You were doing your best to have the life your adoptive parents wanted you to have; you were good at school, you had friends, you were going out to parties. You were mute so things could sometimes be a bit difficult, but you were enjoying watching people in silence. You knew everyone’s secrets and dramas. You knew people’s weaknesses and desires.

So you knew when John came to greet you one morning, he didn’t have good intentions towards you. 

“Hello sweetheart. It’s been a little while since I've noticed you. We’re in the same maths class by the way. You remember me?” he said and you nodded to let him know you did remember him. He brightly smiled “Awesome. So, my friends are organising a party on Friday night and I’d love you to come with me” he offered.

You licked your lips and leaned into your seat, wondering what to do. He was towering over you and everything in his gestures showed he was acting like a predator. He probably thought that since you were mute, you would be a very easy prey.

You weren’t too happy to put yourself into danger, but at the same time you were bored out of your mind and your parents would be happy if you would go out with a boy. It would be another proof that you were settling in your life and that everything was going alright. And as long as you were wearing your sun necklace, you weren’t afraid for yourself. 

You finally nodded again and his smile turned into a smirk.

“Brillant, girl. See you on Friday’s night. I’ll come get you at your place” he said before leaving. 

He really wasn’t interested in you in a good way. 

You neither.

Your mother was really excited for you so she helped you get ready for what she was calling a “date”. You dolled up like you were supposed to before leaving the house without feeling anything. Your parents reminded you to be careful. 

Little did they know that at the instant you got into John’s car, he placed his hand on your thigh and groped you. You softly pushed him and gestured for him to drive to the party, which he finally did.

You were annoyed. 

Once at the party, he quickly greeted the people he knew, keeping you by his side like you keep a pet. You hated it. You started to get angry. It was a quiet anger you knew a little too well. You did everything to keep it manageable inside your heart. You couldn’t have a crisis here, in front of those people you were going to school with. You didn’t want your parents to get you to the doctors again.

You kept a smile on your face, even when he rushed you upstairs and found the closest empty bedroom he could. He hushed you inside, before locking the door behind you two.

“Ah finally alone, baby” he mused

You knew what his intentions toward you were but you weren’t afraid, you were oddly calm as you watched his every move. The fact that someone would want to hurt you and use you was making you burn with anger now. You had never felt so full of rage, and yet it was the cold madness of a killer that was taking possession of you. You knew what was going to happen, but you also knew you weren’t the prey. 

Your father and uncles started to teach you how to take care of yourself, how to kill, even if they never said it was for killing. It was always to protect yourself from “the bad people of this hostile world”. You had continued to learn how to fight without your parents knowing.

And even if you had never shed blood before, you were ready. The rage was too strong to make it stay inside of you. You smiled as the boy came closer to you, clearly not realising he was the mouse, and not the cat. He touched you and you let him do it, at first. 

“I knew you were going to be a good girl” he murmured to you and you hummed in answer. You gently grabbed him by the hair before your grip tightened and without a warning shot you moved to the side and brutally led his head against the wall. You hit him hard and he got disoriented. You continued to hit him over and over again.

You killed him. 

You killed him violently. And you felt good, oh so good. For the first time in years, the anger quieted down and you felt like you could finally breathe. 

You cleaned up the crime scene, your bloody hands and face, and his body before leaving it where it was. Your black dress was hiding the blood stains littering it but you knew you would need to burn it down once you would be back home. You went downstairs to dance with the others, as if nothing had happened. 

The body was found only when everyone thought it was time to go to sleep.

Of course the police interrogated you, but they couldn’t believe that such an innocent looking girl, who went through so much in her life already and was hence very soft, could have killed someone with such hatred. Your parents were so relieved nothing happened to you, not realising you were the danger. 

No one even found out who killed John.

And you found this very exciting.

So you continued to kill.

You realised you were very good at it, as if it was a gift running through your veins. Whenever you felt anger, you left your house at night for a “little walk”. You would easily find a new prey; anyone was good enough for it. It was also why the police couldn’t find you: there was no link between your victims, not even their profile. You killed for the sake of it, for the well being it finally gave you. You were known as the “serial killer of the shadows”. Your parents always worried when you were wandering around at night, not realising you were the danger prowling around the city. 

Killing wasn’t the only joy in your life, even if it was getting a big part of it. Around the same time you murdered John, you asked your parents to take up art classes. You wanted to do sculptures, to build things with your hands. You enjoyed doing pottery a lot. It was appeasing you because you could just focus on your hands and on your art. You were very good at it, mostly because you watched Vincent making art a lot so his gestures were written inside your brain.

You started to work on wax as well. You asked your parents to buy you the materials and they agreed. They were happy you were expressing yourself through art. It was certain you were doing better now. They had no idea that you simply still wanted to be Sinclairs’ heir. You wanted to find them again one day, and to prove to them that you were the only daughter they needed. You wanted to come back home more than anything. You knew your "real" father would understand your anger. You weren’t too sure if he and your uncles were killing the tourists, but you were certain they wouldn’t judge you for your night activities. You would be free in Ambrose… You just needed to find your way back to it.

And one day, it happened.

“So, Y/N, where would you like to go during the holidays this summer?” your adoptive father asked you as you were all having dinner in the living room. You had meant to talk to them about your biological family for a quite a while now and it felt like the perfect moment.

“I want to go in the South of the country” you replied and your parents were surprised you seemed so determined about it

“Why there?” you mother hummed

“Because I come from there… I want to find where I come from. I want to find what happened to my mother… I mean I want to know if she was right about my father”, you explained

“I’m not certain this is a good idea, hon” your mother instantly replied and you pouted, disappointed but ready to fight for it

“Why not?”

“We… We haven’t told you about all the stories we heard about your family. Your mother had the time to say quite a lot about them and the fact you weren’t even officially existing for the State is proving a lot. You were a child so you probably don’t remember or didn’t understand what was going on…” she babbled

“What you mother means is that they are dangerous people and we can’t just go find him” your father added

“This is unfair. I need to know my past. If you were at my place, wouldn’t you want to know the truth?”

The discussion stopped there for the moment but a few days later, your parents offered you a deal. The plan was you would all go to the South of the country for some holidays. You would try to find the region where you came from, but you wouldn’t try to find your father. You agreed. 

The problem was you didn’t know exactly where Ambrose was, but you had found your uncle Lester’s town on a map. At least you thought you remembered it was. Your mother and you found somewhere nice with a cute little hotel around the area you wanted. You hope to find your way back home… and to find your family again. You had changed quite a lot and you weren’t too sure your family would recognise you. However, you were still wearing your sun necklace.

You thought the day of the trip would never come, as you were so excited about it. You could feel in your bones that you were finally coming back home, so many years after having left it. Your parents were a little bit on edge, but they loved you too much to cancel the holidays. Your mother had a very bad feeling about all of it.

However, once on the roads, you couldn’t help but panic when the car went by on the dusty roads without going by the advertisements for the House of Wax. You remembered them by heart as you saw them quite a lot when you were in Lester’s truck. You worried you would come by close to Ambrose but not close enough. You worried you wouldn’t find your family. You worried everything was lost forever. Your adoptive parents noticed how you looked around and they asked you if you were alright.

“I come from here” you admitted to them as you signed. They exchanged a very concerned look at those words.

“Are you sure? You recognised this place? Your mother asked you in a soothing manner

“Not really, but the roads were the same when I was a child. It’s not here, but it must be in this area. My family is so close by now” you replied

“Hon… We are your family” your mother frowned

“You know what I mean… I want to see them, I want to see my dad again” you shyly signed, knowing your adoptive parents wouldn’t be happy about it. They did exchange another look, full of concern.

“We already talked about it… We want you to be safe and… your biological father didn’t seem like a good person. We don’t want you to meet up with him… and certainly not like that” your mother continued as your father stopped the car and parked.

“You don’t know him, we don’t know if my mother said the truth. He never hurt me when I was a child” you said

“You didn't know him either. What your mother did…” she trailed off

“But now we’re here, we can have a look around” your father offered to your mother’s dismay. 

They argued in whispers until you left the car. 

You recognised the violent heat of the sun hitting you, you recognised how silent the road was, you recognised how easy it was to get lost and in need of help here. You had to be close to Ambrose, you could feel it in your heart.

“Let's get back in the car, honey. We’ll go to the hotel we booked and we’ll talk some more about all of this. It’s understandable you want to find your father, even just out of curiosity… But you cannot just come over like that. You don’t know how he would react, what he became after you left… We need to respect a process” your mother rationalised and you were forced to agree with her.

A little voice inside your head wondered what would happen if your family didn’t recognise you? Would they kill you like they probably got rid of the tourists during your childhood?

And yet, you prayed for the car to stop working or for Lester’s truck to appear on the road. Unfortunately, you safely travelled to the hotel. You all ate at a restaurant before deciding to go to sleep and to talk about everything the day after. Your parents thought it was better to rest and have a good night sleep before doing anything. They might hope you would calm down as well.

You didn’t. You talked about finding your dad right at breakfast.

“I could find my father” you said

“It has been said that you didn’t know where you came from exactly and that you didn’t even know your father’s name.” your mother said “Did you lie about all of this? Did you try to protect him somehow?” she continued and you hated to be trapped in your own lie

“I didn’t know back then. But when I saw the roads, I remembered” you replied

“Makes sense,” your father nodded and gently smiled at you.

“I don’t like this,” your mother whined. She had always been very protective of you and she felt something was off.

“Look, darling, we’re going to find a solution for everyone to be happy.” your father continued to smile “The two of you are going to have a nice day out together and I’m going to look for your biological father. If you can just show me on the maps where he used to live… And if I can find him, I’ll talk with him and make sure he is good enough to meet with you. How does it sound?” he offered

“It’s rushed! He was a violent man, how do you know he won’t hurt you, hurt her?” your mother continued 

“If you don’t have news after an hour, you’ll call the police. Y/N needs to realise who her father is to move on in her life. That’s normal. Everyone needs to know and understand where they come from. And even if it’s rushed, even if it doesn’t sound like a good plan, she needs it now. We have to try.” your father replied. 

“This is too risky. We can ask for the administration to help us with this… Especially if he is a bad man. It’s indeed important but we need to take our time.” your mother argued back so you started to cry. 

It was always your most efficient weapon. 

It was settled then.

Your adoptive father would look for Bo Sinclair.

--

Part III

--

Taglist: @murder-hobo - @lacychick ; @magical-sass ; @limehaspassed ; @loveinglymessedup ; @bloodmoon-bites ; @iwantsleepplz ; @kawaistrawberry21 ; @12gaugefalls ; @kriston1210

#house of wax (2005) #house of wax x reader #bo sinclair x reader #vincent sinclair x reader #lester sinclair x reader #bo sinclair x you #bo sinclair x daughter #vincent sinclair x you #vincent sinclair x niece #lester sinclair x niece #lester sinclair x you #slasher x daughter #slasher x you #slasher x reader #slasher x y/n #slasher x niece

[mxi-88]

Amy Kiriwo redemption is real and here's why (an analysis/speculation)

Ok. I don't normally make posts like these but since I've posted Iruma-kun art on this blog a few times some of you may be aware that I really really REALLY like Amy Kiriwo. I really adore Mairuma in general but Amy specifically makes me go fucking coconuts as a fan of that type of character (obsessive, desire-driven, yandere, whatever)—and also because Amy has a certain unique charm about him, whether that be the gap between his twisted personality and his ditzy demeanor or the unique setting, so on and so forth. But I also tend to like villainous characters in general, because they're so unhinged and fun and interesting to think about!

Usually I hate when characters like these get redeemed because the whole appeal of them is how unpredictable and outrageous they are in their villainy, and more often than not, a redemption gets rid of (or at least severely dampens) these characteristics!

HOWEVER. I just caught up with the manga for the first time more or less since Deviculum last year and I just cannot help but feel absolutely insane about how much a "redemption" (heavy quotes here) for Amy is being built towards, and yet I rarely see much discussion about this in fan buzz. This is both in terms of general narrative structure as well as a certain scene in the recent Battler Party arc.

Disclaimer: I have terminal brainrot and some of this might be confirmation bias. But maybe it will still give you some food for thought. It's cool if you hate Amy and don't agree with my interpretation just be nice ok guys?

Part1: Iruma's Belief

I think a good jumping off point for this argument would be addressing a point of contention I've seen floating around in this fandom sometimes: Why does Iruma still believe in Amy?

I actually understand why some people might be confused about this. After all, Amy has done nothing but hurt Iruma and the people he cares about, and he has every right to feel upset, angry, and betrayed after he found out the senpai who he'd related to and looked up to so much was nothing but a facade.

Putting his reasons aside for a second, this scene in Deviculum isn't actually the first time Iruma has acted like this toward Amy. It's easy to miss or forget about, but even after everything that happened at the Battler Party, Iruma never shows any hostility, even retroactively, toward Amy.

He kept what happened with Amy a secret from even Asmodeus and Clara—but he doesn't fret over it like he does hiding the fact that he's human. Iruma just doesn't think it was pressing enough that Asmodeus and Clara needed to know about it. Of course, keep in mind that Iruma doesn't interact with Amy at all from the Battler Party all the way until Deviculum, so he doesn't know the extent of the danger he's actually in.

I think Iruma believes in that weak but ambitious demon he met during the Rookie Hunt. Even if Amy revealed himself to have that perverted obsession with despair, even if he tried to kill his classmates and cause chaos, I think to Iruma it doesn't change the fact that Amy is still weak, just like him.

I think a lot of people forget just how much impact Amy had on Iruma when he was first adjusting to the demon world: he didn't have much of a real ambition until he saw that there were demons like Amy who (seemingly) wanted to make the world a more equal place for those without magic—those like Iruma. (A side note, but I imagine this made the part of Amy's speech during Deviculum saying there would be no place for him particularly hard for Iruma to hear from him specifically).

The thing is though—Iruma isn't being entirely naive here. It's true that no matter what Amy does, evil or otherwise, he cannot change the fact that he was born with weak magic.

It's constantly pointed out that Amy relies on magic that's not his own.

It's pointed out so consistently every time he makes an appearance that for a while I thought there was gonna be some weird twist where it wasn't actually Amy? I'm still not confident in how to pin this obvious foreshadowing but for now I firmly believe it's meant to remind the reader that Amy is dependent on his borrowed magic, most likely from Baal—physically, and maybe even emotionally? (It seems possible from the way Asmodeus's narration in this panel is framed that there could be something more insidious at play like experimentation or something, but that's just speculation)

Amy is dependent on most likely Baal's magic just like Iruma is with Sullivan's magic. They may be gaining more and more power to the naked eye, but the moment the "tool" to express that power is stripped of them, they're helpless again. There's a reason Nishi highlighted the direct parallel of both of their magic devices being ring-shaped.

Iruma believes (or wants to believe) that the facade Amy showed him had a glimmer of truth to it because of how strongly it affected him. Of course, it's also because Iruma is an inherently kind and also selfish person. In my opinion, he wants to have the Amy who he looked up to so much, even if he barely ever actually existed. This is why what he declares to Amy at Deviculum is framed as a desire. This is a strong theme of the series and it's something I'll touch on again in another section.

I feel like I should mention after all of that talk that I don't think Amy is actually secretly tortured about his weakness/abandonment or some sadboy schtick like that. We'll get into this more in the next section, but any self-pity or anger he once harbored was something that was flushed out of him quite thoroughly. Right now, he is very much narrow-mindedly concerned with his obsession with eating Iruma, his goals are aligned with Baal and the 6 Fingers, and his lack of magic is solved by his collar, so it's natural he doesn't really care.

I feel like any discussion of Amy's motivations or themes gets shut down a lot with accusations of "making a villain character sympathetic for no reason" when really I only care about villains being interesting. Like I said at the start, the last thing I wanna do is take Amy's unhingedness or autonomy away, because it makes for a really enjoyable villain. I just genuinely believe that Amy is being framed this way deliberately, and I think it opens some fascinating avenues for his character development other than just "Iruma realizes Amy is actually evil after all because unconditional belief is for naive WEENIES and they defeat him".

Anyway, that leads me to the next section, which I admit, is a bit heavier on the interpretative side, hence my disclaimer.

Part 2: Baal

Listen, I know it's a shounen manga and all, but keep in mind Amy is still a 17-18 year old teen. He doesn't have much life experience. He had a hell of a shit childhood even if he did have a weird sadism thing going on. All of these things don't excuse his evil deeds—obviously. But I do think taking these factors into account is absolutely necessary if we're going to try and understand why he is the way he is.

I'm not gonna recount it beat by beat, but as a kid Amy was not only shunned by his family and peers for his lack of magic, but also by his only friend for something that

"Grooming" is a term with very heavy connotations that I'd like to avoid, but at the very least the way Baal takes Amy "under his wing" is very reminiscent of cult conditioning. Members of cults are often recruited in strained or distorted emotional states in which they have a greater desire for acceptance. This tactic is successful in maintaining loyalty in cults because the members are convinced that no one else will accept them besides the cult figurehead or leader—the result is usually a hostility for the world outside of the cult, paranoia about leaving the cult, or both.

Amy, a young child at this point, says outright that he's being ostracized for his behavior, but Baal validates it, and thereby earns his loyalty. Amy is a child at this point; even if Baal claims he's more "twisted" inherently, I think it's unreasonable to characterize them as equals in this relationship, especially when Amy depends on his magic. I think the Amy we know could be very different if he joined Baal when he was older and less impressionable.

You could say Baal didn't validate Amy with the active intent of emotionally manipulating him, it was just a declaration of his honest beliefs—and I honestly half agree with you. Functionally, however, I do still believe that a conditioning process is what happened. In this same scene Amy seemed to still be at least a little bit troubled about how gifting his horn to his friend troubled her and reflected on his abnormalcy, but by the time he reveals all to Iruma, he shows no reservations at all. He doesn't really reflect on the hierarchy which caused him so much suffering outside of how it contributes to more chaos, more despair.

This interpretation (which I've held for quite a while) brings me to a certain scene in the recent Battler Party arc that was eerily reminiscent of this dynamic. It was what spurred me to type all of this out at 5am on a Monday night.

Humor me for a minute, because I realize the comparisons between Palome/Galna and Amy/Baal are not 1:1, but I feel like there are enough similarities that it's worth talking about.

The idea of a demon with twisted perversions which were encouraged by a sibling figure with an ulterior motive is already a pretty compelling parallel to me, but the fact that it was specifically the story behind the Magitool's Battler Party exhibition makes me think that, just maybe, the parallel might have actually been an intentional allusion.

In particular, the line about Palome "facing her desires earnestly" caught my attention. Quite honestly it seems like Amy's fixation on Iruma has become his #1 priority—and although he certainly has returned to origins (strongly associated with base desires) in my opinion his obsession with Iruma, as twisted as it is, is probably the strongest desire he's felt that exists somewhat removed from Baal's direct encouragement. It's personal. It doesn't serve a greater purpose in Baal's plan. Remember the cult analogy I loosely used for comparison earlier? Cult mentality punishes individuality. Food for thought.

There's this great comic by gigausagi on Twitter (it's 🤏shippy so only click if you're cool with that) that explores the idea of Amy's obsession with Iruma conflicting with the will of Baal/the 6 Fingers—I think this is one perfectly natural way his character could develop. I'll get into more detailed hopes/hunches about this later, though.

If the Palome/Galna parallel is an intentional parallel, I think it's really interesting how much it emphasizes the lack of empathy Galna has for her sister because of how it would in turn highlight that feature in Baal, something that I previously had to desperately piece together from subtext. On the other hand, for all the familial fondness Amy seems to have for Baal, at least on some level however shallow, it's already pretty obvious Baal does not care much about Amy outside of how useful he is to his cause.

It might seem silly of me to clarify this considering he's, y'know... the villain, and their thing isn't exactly friendship and rainbows especially considering their beliefs. None of the 6 Fingers display any real fondness for each other—Amy is just the exception here, albeit small.

And Baal does actually have belief in Amy—he believes in Amy's "messed up head". He believes that Amy will prove useful; he believes in Amy's potential for evil. It's a transactional belief, benefitting the cause that they both align themselves with—and which, notably, ends with him in power. Iruma's belief in Amy is largely the opposite. He believes that Amy is capable of good, and his belief in him is founded in the bond they formed.

I also wanna make it clear again that this isn't me scapegoating Baal for everything Amy does because that's lazy and boring and they make it pretty damn clear Amy is all-in on their plans together. However... I don't think it's unreasonable to think this contrast could be a set-up for something in the future.

How could this manifest? Who knows. Right now Baal is more of a passive villain, so it's hard to predict the kind of drastic actions he could take before he does them. Maybe Amy will outlive his usefulness, or maybe there'll be some internal conflict within the group that will strain their allyship. Or maybe Amy's personal desires will conflict with the goals of the 6 Fingers like I mentioned earlier.

Ultimately I'm more concerned with the thematic implications of a conflict like this, which brings us to...

Part 3: Desire

(Spoilers for 2nd Year Battler Party Arc)

I find it veeery interesting the way the protagonists keep aligning themselves with demons like Beem.

They are extremely desire and thrill-driven, I would argue more than any other non-returned to origins demon we've met so far—their parents even suspected they could be returning to origins as a child.

Mairuma has such an overwhelming theme of desire. Mairuma wants you to chase your most private, most shameful, most visceral and selfish desires. Sylvia even went through her evil cycle she was so desperate to fulfill her desire to paint Galna. Mairuma again and again seeks to tell us that there is nothing wrong with being selfish and reaching for what we want.

So far I've talked about two desires that are relevant to the future of Amy's character.

And yeah... it's pretty much spelled out for us here. So, if Amy is still latched onto the idea of eating Iruma, and Iruma is still latched onto the idea of his relatable senpai, how would that conflict be resolved? Well... We've basically been talking about it this entire time. Indulge me for a bit and let me spin the scenario that plagues my mind for you.

I briefly alluded to the possibility of Amy being subjected to some kind of experimentation, presumably to enhance his magical ability. It doesn't have to be this exactly, but nevertheless Amy ends up doing something drastic in order to fulfill his desire of eating Iruma—and in the process either gets used by Baal and the 6 Fingers and thrown away, or intervenes, inadvertently throwing off their plan enough to have him meet a similar fate. It's important here that his magic is taken away somehow—maybe the ring in his collar gets crushed or something. I think it could also be interesting if during this conflict Iruma also lost his ring, or even took it off willingly, to level their footing.

The point is that Amy follows his desire to the point of veering off the path of outright villainy, and onto that personal desire I spoke of earlier.

However, one thing I'm absolutely sure of is that Iruma's desire will be granted. I don't have as much of a concrete picture of this, but I would be extremely shocked if Suzuki "I want to pick everything up" Iruma ever goes back on his desire—especially when it was that first confrontation with Amy that he realized that was his desire in the first place. This, combined with the ominous ass dialogue "It's too late for me, Iruma-kun..." from the panel at the start make me absolutely certain that some sort of Amy redemption is coming—I only wanted to lay out some of my thoughts about it.

I don't think any redemption he gets will cause him to be watered down—Nishi writes way too many unnecessarily insane scenes with Amy for her to just stop cold turkey in my opinion. And even if it ends up incorporating none of the talking points I delved into in this post, I'm still sure that she could do an outstanding job with the task.

And lest we forget how Amy saved him from falling to his death. I think this desire to keep Iruma from dying meaninglessly (or being harvested for his magic or whatever crazy shit 6 Fingers are doing) is also quite a likely point of conflict that could come into play.

What do you all think? Have I gone coconuts? Is anyone else overthinking this the way I am? Is it not that deep? To tell you the truth I probably could have written even more but it's now 8am and I need a power nap. Might edit it up some more when I wake up. Let me know...

#on the art blog like damn sorry i got a lot to say someones gotta hear it #*not art #mairimashita iruma kun #mairimashita! iruma kun #mairuma #m!ik #welcome to demon school iruma kun #ami kirio #amy kiriwo #suzuki iruma #baal

[tintedglasses]

i had a talk with my advisor about the plan b if i can’t finish my dissertation proposal on time and i was feeling okay about that, and had come up with a plan that would put me on the best path to be able to maybe finish it anyways and was excited to make progress today but then i got hit with a random bit of insomnia (which hardly ever happens for me) and was up until 5 this morning and woke up at 9 and now i just feel so drained and like hopeless about it all because how am i supposed to do this feat that would be nearly impossible in the best of times if my body and brain continue to refuse to cooperate with me. i feel angry at myself for not being able to do it and i feel trapped in my stupid brain prison where everything is screaming at me to just do the work but i’m just missing some sort of connection that will snap me into action and actually let me do it rather than sitting around paralyzed by the demands.

#will probably delete #but it just feels like I have this gross oily sludge inside of me #and I can’t get it out #and I’m doing my reframing #and trying to replace I can’t with I’m having difficulty doing x #but it also just feels good to feel angry sometimes #to let myself feel angry about how hard it is for me #when it doesn’t seem like my friends are having the same difficulty #although maybe they are #who knows #and it wouldn’t be the worst to stay an extra year I guess #but I’m just so angry that the timeline has worked out the way it does #and whether I have to stay in 2024-2025 is determined in October of 2023 #blah okay #I’m going to have a coke and hope it fixes my brain enough to do some tasks at least #thank god I have therapy later

[ganondoodle]

i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo

#ganondoodles talks #also probably sounds like self pity #but this feeling hits everytime i see a super popular artist be the popular cool artist #i am a little weird i know that and thats not somethign bad i think #but the internet never gets to see that much of me #i tend to write posts when i am at my worst bc it has to go somewhere #so the image it tells people is that im a weirdly strong opiniod freak that gets breakdowns over nothing #i also dont feel like im otherwise -cool tm- enough to balance that out #i dont think my art is as stylized or as inventive as others nor am i cool to interact with bc idk how to be cool to interact with #i feel double bad when i misstepped with someone i used to talk to bc of something stupid ... or just dont know what i did wrong #im guessing its especially when i am in that spiraling state of mind where i really am not myself tbh #it still feels very bad bc i feel like i can never make it up to anyone again #sorry i acted like a jerk my brain was exploding in emotions in a desperate attempt to deal with something idk how to deal with- #-and made me not act like myself but now i feel really dumb about it #doesnt sound like a good excuse #... i want to thank those that do stick with me #even if i acted strange sometimes- even if i disappointed sometimes- even when i couldnt keep a promise #there are little things that still make me angry at myself #like that one time i asked in the tags whod read as long as the end of them and if someone did shoudl send me an ask so id draw a lil thing #and i got two #and i kept trying to remeber oh shit i need to do that and forgetting again/not having energy for it in a loop #i still feel like a jerk about it but now its probably too late #i wish i could answer all asks i get but man my energy for that is always rock bottom #no matter how much i enjoy the ask #and i love getting asks!!! #im sorry :((

[kaladinkholins]

guys cmon. be ffr please. akemi did Not love taigen. the only reason why she was desperate to search for him to the point of putting herself in danger is because she didn't want to get married to an abusive man (which she believed at the time that takayoshi was). when seki tried to dissuade her from running off, her reason was not "but i love taigen and wanna be with him 🥺" it was because she refused to be controlled and have her autonomy taken from her; she literally says "i won't be locked away in edo married to a stranger." and when seki still tries to argue that getting married to the heir of the shogun would be better than getting caught by brigands, she then says "that kind of man"—referring to takayoshi—"treats women like animals. they say he's a tyrant." and when seki chuckles and says "what man isn't?" her response is "you." she doesn't even talk about taigen. she is using him as much as he was using her. they both see—or, well, saw—each other as means to an end. for taigen he saw that marrying into the tokunobu clan would elevate his status and wealth. for akemi she wanted the right to choose who she married, and she wanted that person to be someone kind. that's it! neither of them loved each other. but since they were courting of course they acted sweet to each other, and they do still care for one another, especially due to their romantic history. but let's be real! akemi is a boss bitch who dropped taigen and forgot all about his ass as soon as she saw takayoshi was a nice guy. because duh? not only is takayoshi a better lover (it's implied their lovemaking lasted a long time) but he's also kinder towards her and presents her with an opportunity to claim power and freedom, which she would not have if she had married taigen, as she would have still been stuck under her father's thumb. so literally why should she settle for taigen's stupid ass! she may be a little naive at times but she's still incredibly intelligent. she would not do something stupid for the sake of "love." you know who would though? taigen.

#blue eye samurai #wank.mp3 #kinda? #fandom.rtf #shut up haydar #like out of the 4 main characters #akemi is the brains (the mental aspect) #she mainly uses reason and rhetoric. that's why she's so good at persuasion and manipulation. #ringo is the soul (spiritual aspect) #ringo serves as the show's moral compass and gets mizu to follow her morality #taigen is the heart (emotional aspect) #taigen will always impulsively follow his feelings (he's so brash for this reason. if he feels angry he will act on it etc) #mizu is the body (physical aspect) #mizu suppresses her emotions. her reason. and her morals. she only lets her skills and primal instincts guide her. #that's why she's almost super human sometimes #but anyway yeah #akemi? is a strong-willed self-empowered woman! she is not some damsel. she is intelligent though somewhat naive #please do not mischaracterise her cuz she is a boss bitch! she is a queen a cuntress a baddie #also on that note. the nature of taigen and akemi's rship is one of the reasons why im not keen on a polycule ending #like please explore it in fanfic and fandom! i personally just dont want it canon. i just dont see it working! #like literally i dont even think taigen found her attractive... #i mean he did obv find her very beautiful as everyone does. but did yall SEE his face when she propositioned him? #no desire in that man's eyes. he is GAY! his sexuality is men + mizu. he is a raging and bitchy bisexual!

[crownedwille]

I've come to the conclusion that loving young royals doesn't mean I can't be critical about it, maybe especially bc I love the show so much I have such strong feelings about it, good and bad and I can love parts of canon and agree with it and appreciate it but I don't have to love it all. I have accepted that it's okay if I don't accept the ending and I don't have to force myself to support it. It's okay to not agree with all of canon and it's okay to not side with all of the creators' intentions/views. Loving a show doesn't mean you have to take everything the writers say on face value and that's the only version that is allowed to exist. Canon isn't everything and fandom is about curating your own experience that makes you happy and not miserable. You don't have to dismiss canon in every aspect and ignore it entirely, that's certainly not what I want but there is a fine line between being canon respectful, allowing some parts to exist and sometimes, yes, you just have to say "fuck canon" and move on for your own sanity and wellbeing

#especically in the first two weeks of a new release everyone is feelings lots of intense emotions ranging from ecstatic to angry #everything in between is a part of it and i know i'm also feeling very strongly about it right now #i always try to stay levelheaded and rational and see things from an objective pov and be diplomatic about discourse #i don't want any of what i say drift off too much into meaningless hate instead of the constructive criticism it's supposed to be #but when you feel so strongly about something and sometimes you really just wanna say yeah i fucking hate it lol #but i always try to explain why and give understandable arguments and not just blindly hate on something #for example - I'm aware there are fans who have some problems with s2 and don't love the season whereas i do and it's my fave #and there is a difference between expressing some criticism and justified concerns which you can understand where it comes from #and those who are just like 'oh it's a horrible season. it was so shitty and we should get rid of it' which is dumb hate and just not true #and i can't support people like that and take them seriously #i can have my own issues with s3 from a subjective pov which can also include some justified criticism as well #but also still acknowledge it as a truly good piece of tv media and the quality is top notch #and that's why you have such high expectations and have critique because it is so good and sets such a high standard #yrtalk #with that being said i understand ppl not wanting to see any critic about it if they are riding the high of happy wilmon endgame #but that doesn't mean that i can't express my own opinions on my own blog and i will continue to do so #and maybe one day i will feel differently and accept or even like the ending who knows #but it doesn't have to happen. it's fine if it does but it's also fine if it doesn't