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#but im aware its a sensitive topic
pls reblog
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nullnobodynothing · 4 months
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for the record i fucking guess heres how shit just went:
1. said i looked sad. told him a little bit of how hard the past while has been and about the dissociative episode i had the other day felt and how much amnesia and how badly ive been doing since
2. asked if he could tell me something and talked about how scared he was about me cutting, his fears about me being out of control and that im going to die and hes going to find me
3. i clarified my experience in an attempt to alleviate his fears and tried to reassure him
4. he seemed to feel a little better, was going through the laundry found a shirt with blood on it i tried to hide and became very upset again. said somewhere in there (i think he asked? i think i was crying?) that im upset that im hurting him because im hurting. he said thats why he didnt want to talk about what hes thinking (i had asked what he was thinking and he had said still the bloody shirt and thats why he was having a hard time). like because i was upset that he was sad and scared because of me. (commentary; the shit i fucking go through trying not to KILL MYSELF)
5. ended up saying hes glad we talked about it and that he would be thinking about it (the self harm) anyway so not to feel guilty for bringing it up (i dont think i did?) because he wanted to talk about it anyway
6. somehow after that ended up talking about how hopeless he feels and his future is like a black hole and nothing brings him joy anymore. im jusy trying to fucking hold it together at this point.
7. i dont remember what else after that a bunch of shit where im just laying there wanting to leave and hes clinging to me going back and forth between being chatty and fine and crying about. stuff i wish i could remember. at the end a lot of me telling him i want him to be able to relax and feel satisfied with the time i spend with him and not talk about all this catastrophic shit when he has to wake up early for work and is trying to wind down
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astrobydalia · 4 months
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🪐 Astro Observations!!!✨
Happy 2024 babes! Here’s to another year sharing astrology stuff with all of you 🤩
work by astrobydalia
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Yes water moons have great intuition and could be psychic but I very often notice they tend to allow their personal feelings interfere with their decisions and could tend to not follow their intuition as much. The ones that have a more reliable or unbiased intuition imo are Earth moons and Aquarius moon.
Scorpio Venus really do gravitate to unhealthy relationships… All their connections tend to have unfair or imbalanced dynamics to them where there’s no equal give and take. They believe love means throwing yourself and your life away for another person (or they expect someone to give everything away for them) with little to nothing in return. They may not understand the difference between deep intimacy and unhealthy attachment
Libra placements and their ability to appear likable even when they have the shittiest personality deep down
In my opinion Moon is the most important planet if you really wanna begin to know someone at their core. Ultimately no planet can give you full info without the context of the whole chart tho (#AllPlanetsMatter), but you can really uncarcarve sm about someone just by moon placement/aspects/degree, etc. Moon rules your needs and so it really cements your personality and its an energy that you'll project in so many areas of your life (relationships, career, etc)
Fixed Mars are ARGUMENTATIVE fr fr. They need to have the last word and will die on that hill if they have to����Honorable mention: Virgo/Gemini Mars due to Mercury influence but they’re more about friendly banter and aren’t as stubborn
80% of Aries Moons I've met were very philosophical/spiritual/religious. They can develop a self-awareness that gives them a lot of wisdom. The other 20% were just adult toddlers and very egotistic...
Capricorn placements and their internalized elitism. They really do believe some people are better than others which is the shadow of Capricorn unfortunately
Aquarius Moons are some of the most traumatized people I know fr fr. Whenever I get to know their life and backstory Im always like bro….😶😶 It makes me so sad cause they always bring such good vibes everywhere (they have a playful aura) when in reality there’s a depth of pain underneath you wouldn’t even fathom through that unbothered persona. The OG misunderstood.
We all know Scorpio is all about depth, intensity and looking beyond the surface but I’ve very often observed the exact opposite in scorpio placements. They could tend to be very superficial, greedy and materialistic, more obsessed with wealth and status than any earth placement (it all comes down to power). In such cases their interest in occult or deep topics could also be superficial or opportunistic, like they only see it as something that could give them a leg up in life or help them avoid unseen threats but that's about it.
Cancer Risings do not come across as sensitive at all. They tend to have a rather sassy personality and are pretty defensive 90% of the time tbh. Think about it, are crabs 🦀 cute and cuddly? No, you actually actually have to be very careful around one cause they sting lol. They do wear their heart on their sleeves and are very sensitive and perceptive but because of this they constantly feel like their vulnerability is out for everyone to see hence the guarded attitude.
^I've also noticed they are VERY opinionated and will hold on very tightly to how they think/feel about something. This results in having a reputation for being kinda bold and sharp (Aries 10th). Pro tip: do NOT question these native's morals or integrity unless you wanna see a very snappy side to them, they respond very very very badly if you even insinuate that they might be hypocritical in their values/what matters to them
The interpretation that Aquarius in the 4th house means you’re an outcasted black sheep in the family low-key doesn’t make sense to me tbh. Aquarius is the sign of camaraderie, friendship, inclusivity and community. All the people that I’ve seen with this placement were actually very bonded to their roots and considered their family (and the people they bonded with during childhood) to be "their people" (they also keep their friends close to heart). These natives do tend to distinct themselves as they grow up but this is due to Leo 10th house. I've noticed their family is in general very supportive of them or at the very least they received some input in their upbringing that made them feel special and/or like their uniqueness was celebrated. Feel free to share your opinion/experience tho
I've noticed Virgo Mars people have a perfect balance between being confident in themselves and fulling trusting their abilities while also staying humble and acknowledge room for improvement. Very mature and self-accountable and they're also great people to work with cause they are highly appreciative of good contribution
Sagittarius placements and their ability to be casually rude in a charming way??? 😭
Moon in the 10th house do not have a reputation for being emotional at all, it's quite the opposite they dislike exposing their feelings like that. A lot of their energy is spent trying to appear put-together and emotionally stable. The ones I've noticed have a reputation for being moody or sensitive are Mars in the 10th house
Venus-Moon aspects probably grew up in an environment that fed up this idea they had to be beautiful and conventionally likable in order to be worthy of love. These natives tend to base their self-worth on the amount of emotional validation they get from others and struggle telling the difference between kindness and love
A couple notes on everyone’s fave topic: 8th house synastry
We all know this overlay deals with power dynamics. On a general basis I’ve noticed it’s the planet person who tends to have the upper hand. Exeption: Moon. When your moon falls in someone’s 8th house you tend to be vulnerable one due to the soft nature of this planet, but the house person secretly feels more intimidated
You will NAWT be able to keep secrets from someone you have 8th house synastry with specially if you’re the house person. Sooner or later they’ll see through you, circumstances might force you to expose yourself or you’ll simply feel drawn to revealing the truth to them. With water synastry in general you will feel drawn to share more deep or hidden parts of yourself/your life but with the 8th house you can’t help it, like there’s almost an accusatory tension between the two that grows the more you try to hide something from them
Something I see no one mentioning about 8th house synastry is the planet person always feels intimidated by the house person's success. The planet person will try to take part in the house person's success by taking some credit and have a sense of control over what belongs to the house person, it's giving Kanye's "I made that bitch famous". At best the planet person would want to help boost the house person's endeavors. Either way, when someone's planets land on your 8th house, you will never feel like something is completely yours anymore, somehow the planet person will "take" something away from you that you can't get back making you feel like you owe them or they owe you something big (8th house=debt), which is why this overlay very often goes south and tends to be very depleting.
If we're talking business (which 8th house deals with that) the house person is likely to take a risk on the planet person, invest on them (can be money, time, resources, trust, etc) in hopes that it'll pay off. The house person is most likely to loose something from their involvement with the planet person, but they can also gain a lot from the planet person if the investment pays off. In either case, one could tend to exploit the other if there’s any ill intent from the individual
Water mars people are very smothering in their affection tbh. Once you’ve been chosen, get ready to be bombarded by their attention a bit more each time. Secret stalker vibes.This doesn’t always mean they love you tho, if underdeveloped they may want to “bond” in order to have emotional control over you and use you. For them it’s easy to get what they want through manipulation so leading people on or fooling around is something they tend to do a lot
Going back to the affection topic, water venus are smothering too but they go about their obsession devotion in a much more soft and non-domineering way where they give a lot of power away to their partner
People with Gemini+Scorpio placements in their chart embody the mischievous trickster archetype fr fr. They’re funny but also a menace. Have an ease to become that type of deceitful manipulator who thrives in chaos
I have a theory that your Moon represents the kind of bond or relationship you have with your mother but Ceres represents how your mother actually is
Capricorn and Scorpio placements are huge tsunderes imo 😭
Chiron in Sagittarius/9th house have become disappointed with religious and/or academic institutions. For them both systems are essentially flawed and don't work or don't make sense
+When it comes to religion I've seen a lot of them being atheist and skeptics. Some others still believed in god/universe/etc. but they did not want to support any stablished religious institution and instead have preferred to craft their own belief system. In both cases, they saw the institutionalization of believe systems as something that hindered their freedom of thought and expansion
+When it comes to academics a very similar thing happens. They felt like collage and the educational system restricted their mind instead of expanding it so they just preferred to walk their own path and find growth elsewhere. A friend of mine with this placement quit collage and the other people I've seen who did finish it all said they had a kinda dreadful and/or unfulfilling collage experience which they low-key regret
If you’ve ever felt powerless in the house where you have your pluto, that’s because you gave your power away to the opposite house. For example, if you have Pluto in the 5th house and you felt powerless when it comes to expression, your creativity, etc that’s because you gave too much power to the public opinion/peer pressure (11th house) and what they may say about you if you express yourself genuinely
Scorpio Moons always battle with that "am I a good person?", "am I a monster deep down?" inner conflict. They are more in touch with darker emotions and experiences than the average person so for them it's particularly easy to channel their shadow. This can often make them doubt their own integrity or think they are doomed to never feel happiness and inner peace. This is moon's debilitation for a reason, their inner emotional world is ruled by chaos and turmoil and they tend to be a bit too comfortable (moon) in toxicity and drama, nothing is ever light-hearted for them. If developed this ability of staying in touch with the shadow side of things can actually give them lots of awareness and resilience for the darker sides of the world as well as a very solid moral compass and compassion
Leo Moons likely had grandiose standards forced on them that inflated their self-importance. It's giving "mommy told me I am the best and most special of all" which is great but now they be carrying that mindset for the rest of their lives and this is where lot of their infamous sensitivity and fragile ego comes from cause not fulfilling these standards deeply hurts their heart. In consequence they tend to be more unprepared to accept humbling experiences that'll make them mature
virgo risings are funny!!!! I haven't seen anyone mention this, but every virgo rising I've met cracked me UP, they are so witty and never misse a chance to throw in a cheeky joke every 2 minutes. I think this is overlooked because they keep a rather awkward demeanor to them which often makes for a rather dry delivery. Best examples of this are Ryan Raynolds, Keanue Reeves, Emma Watson, Cole Sprouse...
Also, all Virgo risings I've met tend to come across as huge snobs so it's very common that people don't take their humor or friendliness seriously
Honestly I've noticed this theme with Virgo/6th house inner placements in general where their judgemental nature always makes them unfriendly or snarky to some degree. They can be the kind of people who are never happy with anything and always have a bone to pick.
My main theory as to why Leo risings are the most shy out of all Leo placements is because a lot of them grew up in very problematic and dysfunctional families (Scorpio 4th house) where they were shamed for showing vulnerability or being genuine (Cancer 12th house)
I’ve noticed Aries Suns and Capricorn Suns tend to relate a lot to their fathers, they tend to have very similar character traits as their fathers. For good or for bad their relationship with their father is always very important in their personality.
I find that LEO Suns and Sagittarius Suns always be having daddy issues tho like 😭😭😭😭
One thing about Capricorn is they can be literal billionaires and yet will still refuse to spend a dime on something they think is not worth it
Mutable Moons don’t commit 10000% to things, they’re the type to always have a foot out just in case. They're most likely to commit to things if they don't feel forced or expected to stay permanently
Cardinal energy is very consistent and responsable. People with prominent cardinal placements have a really developed sense of agency, focus and direction (imo this will be more obvious with moon, mars and asc). There's something about them that always gives me this put together "I've got this" kinda vibe, they always seem like they've got it together and always know what to do even when they're lost.
Fixed mercuries and their inability to understand or accept that two different points can be true
Sun/Leo in the 3rd house could want to have a nice car, an expensive or luxurious car from a well-known brand
I’ve seen people saying Venus-Mars conjunction gives it girl vibes. This is also HIGHLY true for Mars-ruled Venus (Aries/Scorpio Venus) or Venus-ruled Mars (Libra/Taurus Mars)
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work by astrobydalia
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metfell · 2 months
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the best way in my experience to trigger warning tag things is to just write out the word. just write out "assault". just write out "domestic abuse" or "abuse" or "sexual assault". when you add on 15 different "tw" "cw" "//" placements it becomes hard for people to keep up with filtering everything. and then its not just "tw sexual assault" or "cw sexual assault" its also "// sa" "cw sa" "tw sa" "cw s assault" etc. and how is that supposed to be helpful to people?
and sometimes people add on their specific discourse tag like "my discourse" as a catch-all, but when 400 people on someone's dashboard all have a "catch-all tag" it suddenly becomes a lot harder to avoid the content. because you have to add every single tag.
if you are posting about extremely sensitive topic like what i have seen so much on the dash lately, you have got to be deliberate with your tagging, especially if you are making large awareness posts.
for people who need these topics tagged, i would recommend the following: for my mobile viewers, im probably just repeating what you've already done, but: add the blog url of the person making the posts to your Filtered Content section (as opposed to the Filtered Tags section) along with the broader words listed above. for desktop, do that as well, but consider in your xkit settings to remove filtered posts entirely from your dashboard. that way every post is not showing "this post was filtered for: assault" while you are trying to scroll.
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onlyree · 2 months
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lowkey what if Ghost had a girlfriend and like— she was a cutie lil dainty pookie butt, but when she got comfortable she turns likee SUUUPPPEERR crazy (and freaky
like for the crazy references, she likes to climb onto his back when he’s not aware- 😈‼️‼️💘 almost making him fall or smth
and when she’s being freaky— (off topic rq) lowkey feeling like ghost has a sensitive spot, like his dick ! 😶🤠💎💎🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾 like when she presses her hand onto his lap he lets out a whimper AHHASBDDNNDBGBF IM CRYING NGNFHDJFKDODNRKDDF
like when she js wants to give him a kiss, its like natural for her to put her hand on his lap— so now he js stays letting out whimpers and little moans 💎🌞💘💘‼️
and when hes feeling reeealllyyyy lustful he’ll let her put her hand on it 😭 and like throw his head back RAHHHHHHHHHHHHH 🫶🏾🫶🏾
sometimes at night she likes to tease him by like rubbing it while his back is facing him while theyre laying down 🥺 and what if shes asleep and HE puts HER hand on it WWOWWWOWOWOWOWOWOW 🤑🤑
but when shes crazy, shes
crazy
like she seems like the type to trip up the stairs bc she’s running too much 🥶🥶 and she js seems so cutely childish that she jumps on the bed for fun and to wake him up outta nowhere— and when theyre making breakfast she always ends up having some kinda mess on her 🙏🏾🙏🏾
save me from cute!gf!reader and chill!bf!simon ‼️💎🫶🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
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carlyraejepsans · 7 months
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i lowkey disagree w u on ur position on fictional ships and certain portrayals of topics such as incest and pedophilia, but oh my fucking god to have the fucking. AUDACITY to accuse someone of real life pedophila and incest because they MENTIONED being NEUTRAL on a certain topic?? like you didnt even say you think fictional incest is cool and rad or wtvr u afaik (which. even if u did that ask would Still be abhorrent) but ur explicitly Neutral and are VERY carful to tag shit and i just. 1/2
cut for length and also sensitive topics
i cannot fucking imagine accusing someone of such a horrid act with such conviction bc u SLightly DIsagree on a topic. jfc. i block tags and if ur conversations ever drive me over the edge id Unfollow. im so so sorry people are such fucking assholes man. i hope people gain some sense abt these topics im so sorry
yeah no i completely respect your opinion. and i do know where it's coming from. to tell you the truth (basic decency of tagging triggers aside), i DO find most of those fanon portrayals to be cheap and uncalled for a good majority of the time, at least from a literary standpoint. things like dating a minor or your own sibling have serious implications on a character's moral code and interpersonal dynamics where most characters would... not fucking do that! and the moment you don't engage with those implications, it becomes either incredibly ooc or altogether shallow. some people act like a topic being problematic makes it inherently complex and rich, when it can be as tropey and flat as any other "safe" topic. being problematic doesn't make you interesting etc. my point isn't arguing over literary value, it's more like... there's people behaving horribly and cruelly towards the AUTHORS, and making disgusting assumptions like the one that was made against me, all because of fiction you can always filter out at the end of the day (assuming basic tagging etiquette is respected ofc) and like. that's too far. nobody deserves to be treated like this.
not to mention, the "incest fiction recs"/"pro incest posts" those freaks mentioned were literally 1) me gushing about revolutionary girl utena, a deeply feminist and self-aware series that unpacks the misogyny behind anime incest tropes by treating that abuse REALISTICALLY as patriarchal manipulation from a male relative and showing how the female victim suffers and emancipates herself from it and 2) me being annoyed that hs showed one of its characters suffering from csa without acknowledging it AS abuse, even when it would've been not just the morally decent thing to do, but also a genuinely good addition to his character arc (apparently it does do that in the endstory, but i didn't know it at the time). those are both posts about realistic, condemning, and well-thought depictions of incestuous abuse in fiction—which is the only way i ever enjoy the topic btw—but that didn't stop these people from deciding i had an incest fetish and harassing me for weeks on end to the point of accusing me of sexually abusing my teenage brother. like you said, it would be a ghoulish way to treat someone even if their assumption had been right (and it wasn't), but it's like they saw the topic being mentioned and that fact alone was unforgivable, regardless of context. and this crap happens to people all the time! if that's not fucking stupid i don't know what is
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TB S2 EP 13 THOUGHTS!
True, Omega has gotten really good with being a soldier. She's staying cool in high tension situations, she has good aim, thinks on her feet and outsmarts her opponents easily. But Phee is right, Omega hasn't gotten to just be a kid for a while now. She deserves to have a proper childhood
LOVED seeing Hunter's enhanced senses at work. Sometimes I catch myself going "froce sensitive?" just because he's so hyper-aware
^this is just based on him grabbing that dudes wrist when he tried to take his money
THAT MOMENT WHEN WRECKER GOT UP WHEN THE GUY WAS ALL "shoulda brought more muscle" BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR BITCH
Phee shooting that guy under the table like damn girly alright
"Yes, I am playing against myself. It is the only time this game is a challenge." YES BABY TELL 'EM ALL HOW SMART YOU ARE🤍🤍🤍
"We never had such a thing. I do not see the issue." Oh,,,, oh Tech Baby. Stop telling people how dumb you are🤍🤍🤍
Hunter did look like he was mulling over Phee's words
CID CAN GO AND :)
"Our mutually beneficial agreement wasn't so beneficial,,, mutually." Hunter your himbo is showing babes
HHHHH OKAY IT'S SUBTLE BUT!!! When Phee types in the coordinates to Pabu, her hand lands on Tech's shoulder. He briefly glances down at it, somewhat skeptically, and then she lifts it off again, before patting his shoulder and his eyes widen a little bit and maybe im too invested in this ship and I'll be quiet now bye
PABU IS SO PRETTY OMG
I LOVE that Phee isn't like a pirate-pirate. Like I thought she was shady but dang, she's just taking back people's heritage that was stolen from them and I LOVE IT
"Got some competition." WAAAAHH I KNEW IT
"Welcome" "Welcome" "Welcome" "Welc-" "PUT IT THERE" WRECKER I LOVE YOU
"Lots of food, drink and general merrimaking," points at Tech, "You'll probably hate it. It'll be great." Tech rolls eyes
^YOUR HONOUR I LOVE THEM
NO BECAUSE BECAUSE Tech is the sassy b in the squad and Phee switching her flirting technique from "hi there good looking" to "lol dumb b" IS EXACTLY WHAT OUR BOY WANTS AND SHE FCKING KNOWS IT
AND THEN IT WORKS BC TECH TURNS AROUND TO LOOK AT HER WHEN THEY SPLIT AND HE'S LITERALLY THE ONLY ONE AND THEN HE HAS THE LITTLE SMILE AND DOWN ANGLED FACE AND WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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"I have not heard her laugh like that in some time." Heeeeessss learniiiiing (that Phee was right lol)
"As a father, you couldn't ask for a better place to raise a child." Okay, glad we're all on the same page. Like, I'm glad all we gotta do is take one goddamn look at Hunter and just go "Dad."
I know it's supposed to be a joke again, but like Wrecker being full for the first time? That's so sad. Imagine going to bed hungry EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. Being full for the first time is something to remember, Tech should be writing it down.
Omega and Lyana bonding on the boat was so sweet!!
Phee getting Tech away from his datapad to get him to appreciate life's beauty IS MAKING MY HEART SO FULL
"Pretty spectacular, right?" <- Phee using the word spectacular, even though its not in her usual vocabulary, because she's generally more succinct and down to earth, but it's totally a word Tech would use
"I suppose... that is... one way to... quantify it." <- Whenever Tech talks about data or research (topics without emotional involvement) his sentences flow nicely and evenly and he gets about 100 out in 2 seconds. Whenever he has to talk about emotions or emotions are involved in the conversation suddenly he gets quieter and his sentences have less of a flow. He doesn't stutter, but he needs a minute to get them out. hmm yes very interesting.
Hunter checking in with the girls, so cute
Omegas learned a lot and has been pretty secure in her ability, but hearing her sound so scared when the wave came? dang. loved that she immediately called hunter though. V sweet :)
TECH AND PHEE WORKING TOGETHER
PHEE HOLDING ON TO TECH TO GET UP THE WALL HEHEHEHEHEHHE
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Not a single 'fear of heights' comment from Wrecker when climbing that ladder. Proud of him :)
Tech pushing through that crowd to check on his bro THE CUTENESS
Wrecker side-hugging the mayor when he's looking at all the destruction I CAN'T THAT'S SO SWEET
So,,, so Phee and Tech just move as a unit now, huh... very interesting
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Phee not letting Tech disturb Omega, Lyana, and Wrecker and him listening to her so quickly just,,, I think she'll end up helping him connect to/understand human emotion better and show him how to navigate relationships and I'm SO HERE FOR IT
Like she knows people and is clearly good with relationships, and he recognises that and trusts her to point him in the right direction, WHICH HE DIDN'T AT THE BEGINNING OF THE EPISODE!!!
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"We could stay and help out with things."
"I had the same idea."
"Did you, now?"
cue cute smiling at eachother
WAAAAAAAA MY BABIES!!!!
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10/10 episode, made my heart v happy. Dave Filoni, I have left your walls, you may live in peace until next week.
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okay the way the fandom draws hobie brown is such an interesting indication into the way subconscious racial stereotypes play into characterization and it's,,,it's just interesting.
now, i spend A Lot of time in this fandom. and something i've noticed a lot of is hobie brown being drawn HUGE. like, they're making mans into a TANK. and he's just,,,not that??
like yeah, he has broad shoulders, and he's tall, but that's literally just most any black teen boy let's be honest. if you look at his actual canonical character design, he is LANKY. and yet everyone is drawing him super buff. now at first i didn't think much of it--people like buff men, and fanartists are always gonna take some liberties (honestly, i love when they put their special little twists on the characters). but as i saw it more and more, it bothered me more and more and felt a lot more indicative of some underlying biases within the fandom.
hobie being mischaracterized and stereotyped isn't shocking or new, but that mischaracterization leaking into physical depictions of him is! not to get too deep into it, but throughout american history*, black men have not been able to protect their loved ones in any way other than physical thanks to slavery and horrid mistreatment within an inherently racist system. thus gave birth to the trope of the big, aggressive black man who solves his problems with his twists. and after that, the big aggressive black man who is actually a sweetheart on the inside, but just has raging anger issues (and probably an abusive father as well).
*im aware that movie!hobie is not american and that not the entire fandom is either, but seeing as a large chunk of it is, and are going to be viewing hobie through an american lense, i think this is an appropriate connection to make. also, african slavery was very much a thing outside of america as well. also ALSO, the rest of the worlds perception of black men is affected by american (and english) views just because of how huge the two countries are within the global landscape.
now, the reason this was even bothering me at all in the first place is because when i first watched the movie, the fact that hobie wasn't overly muscular was super novel to me. i was glad that we got to see a black male character who was strong without taking strength from others, loud without obnoxiously talking over others, violent without being aggressive, assertive without being framed as forgetting this place or naive about the world. in terms of personal experience, it pisses me just that bit more than the last time whenever i hear my father insist to my (very sensitive and emotional) brother that the proper way to deal with any and every problem was by fighting. i was glad my brother (severely lacking in good black male role models) got to see this cool guy, someone you're meant to look up to, who is strong without being ripped and punching all of his problems. that black masculinity is more than how well you can fight.
so, the way a lot of the fandom forces hobie into this box, this preconceived idea of what a black man (or boy, more like, but the erasure of childhood from black kids is a topic all its own) should be, just. sits wrong.
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fallenclan · 6 months
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// cw • this fic contains discussions of grief, passive suicidal ideation (im probably exaggerating it a lot in the tags tbh but if its a sensitive topic b careful), dissociation, and nongraphic death. please take care of yourselves!! :3
me if cranking out fics of just me smashing characters with the angst hammer 18 consecutive times was a crime 🚔💁‍♀️
--
Brambletuft doesn't categorize herself as someone with an anger problem.
There are cats like Wormshade and Flyspots, straight up with their anger. If they are angry, they make it known.
There is Maplestar, his quiet fury. You'll never see him angry, it doesn't show as more than irritation, but the way his claws scratch on the floor beneath him, and his eyes hold the smallest hint of disdain. When you know what to look for, you can read him like Silverbelly does the stars.
Poppyfeather is similar; you'll never know how she feels unless she wants you to.
Yewberry is entirely silent in his anger. He doesn't scream, or shout, he endures. He puts his anger to good work.
Otterslip, so unlike his son, was incredibly angry. Grief driven and desparate and begging for vengeance that was never owed. So angry, paws driven by cold hard rage, he killed Stormsight with no remorse for his actions.
Brambletuft is not angry. She appreciates the world, she splashes in puddles and takes care of preserved poppies and lilacs and feathers. Brambletuft is a simple cat, who enjoys simple things.
But she can't say she's happy all the time. That would be a lie. But it's not anger. Anger has never suited her. Honestly, neither has sadness or anything else. She prefers to just ignore her feelings.
She floats.
--
It happens once, when she's an apprentice and she fails an assessment. Her legs shook themselves still and she floated away from the world.
She very easily decides floating is far superior to feeling, so she does that. She floats during battles, and patrols, and she floats through her ceremony. She only knows her name because her sister repeated it.
-
Henryclaw never hid who her mother was, not from her and Poppyfeather, at least. A sweet kittypet named Bun. A gorgeous calico, who lived in one of the small houses near the valley. She gave Bramblekit and Poppykit away to keep them safe, and that was that.
It never did stop the distant longing she sometimes felt, when Bluefern would curl into Jaggedstripe, or when she saw a new queen patiently sitting in the nursery.
That affection was something she wanted for herself. It makes her feel upset, and sad. It makes her float.
--
When she comes back from patrol, camp is in chaos.
It's a cold day for the season. A cool breeze drifts in and out of her ears, making her shiver.
When she'd left that twilight, cats were retiring to their nests. The ones who weren't sleeping or getting ready to were either on watch, about to leave for patrol, or finishing their prey.
There is a small circle of cats in the clearing, gathered around something.
"What's going on?" She asks, shooting a sideway glance to Pinefrost, who shrugs in response.
Then Silverbelly pushes past her, rosemary in her jaws. The clearing smells vaguely of mint and lavender. She recognizes the smells because once Hopepaw dragged her along to collect herbs. The cats part around her, and she hears a commanding yowl over all the noise.
Hailcrash, standing at the center of the fray. "Stars, give Silverbelly and Hopethistle some space to work. Shoo, all of you. You can come back out when we start the vigil."
The vigil?
Brambletuft stands and watches as the cats part. Some stare at her, pitiful expressions painting their faces.
It feels blue. Not the pretty blue, where the sky is bright and the lakes are still. It's the tormentful blue, of dreary blue clouds and pouring rain.
Poppyfeather, she's dully aware, is sobbing.
Why is she sobbing?
And Silverbelly and Hopethistle and Poppyfeather are the only ones standing there now.
She sees the dulled, gray speckled fur. Blood inbetween strands of fur, limbs stiff.
--
She sits the vigil. But she's not there.
She is hardly aware of Poppyfeather's wails, or her own tears trickling down her face. She can't bring herself to listen to Jaggedstripe's stories, or Applebranch's fond reminiscence.
Henryclaw is gone. Maplestar is exhausted, Hailcrash is grasping at the unwoven seams of the clan that are slowly unraveling, and Silverbelly is still fighting with her grief.
It sounds stupid, but her father is no longer there with her. Why do anything?
--
"Brambletuft," comes a gentle voice.
The moon shines bright. Normally, she would take a moment to appreciate it, but today she tucks her nose into her tail and squeezes her eyes shut.
"Brambletuft, the gathering is tomorrow. Would you like to go?"
That's Hailcrash, with her careful eyes and her twitching ear.
She shakes her head. No.
Archclan was at the gathering. She didn't want to see a single hair on any of their foxhearted pelts.
Henryclaw had a single wound to the back of his neck. Clearly meant to kill. His body was found near the Archclan border, and it reeked of them even with the rosemary clogging her senses.
"That's fine," Hailcrash says. "Rest, alright? Silverbelly will be here to check on everyone later," on Brambletuft, "and Yewberry is staying behind too. Poppyfeather's here as well. Take it easy."
Brambletuft has been taking it easy for a half moon. She's been floating since she saw the body in the clearing, with long dried blood soaking the rocks and a sharp pang of grief in her heart.
--
"Brambletuft, Hopethistle wants to see you."
"Tell her 'm busy," she snaps.
"Like, right now," the voice continues. She vaguely categorizes it as male.
Yewberry.
"Tell her I'm watching Waspkit."
"Wrong. Teddyfluff's watching Waspkit," Yewberry says. "Come on. You know how Hopethistle is. Trying to avoid her is like trying to dig through a stone wall. I'll go with you, if you want."
Stop inconveniencing him, her mind says. Yewberry has more important things to do than babysit you because you're sad.
"That's fine, I can go myself," Brambletuft mumbles, pushing herself to her paws. Her throat feels parched, her eyes unfocused and fixed on the ground.
One paw, two paw. One paw, two paw.
She thinks if she loses that rhythm, nothing will make sense. The world already feels jumbled and confusing.
One step, two step.
Yewberry is trailing behind her anyways, half hovering and half trying to give her space.
And then she's at the medicine den. There's a kit (Owlkit, she thinks) laying in a nest way too big for her.
"Brambletuft," Hopethistle greets. "How are you?"
Brambletuft dully blinks at her, silently urging her to make an inference. Based on her matted fur, dull eyes, and sluggish movement, she was obviously not doing well.
"Okay, that's fine. I just wanted to ask you some questions?"
Hopethistle says it like a question. Like she has a choice, because everyone in the room (even Owlkit with her two-moon brain) knows that Brambletuft has no choice in this. Not really.
"Okay."
"Do you want him to stay, or?" Hopethistle glances at Yewberry, who shifts his paws.
"I can go if you-"
"I don't care," Brambletuft says. It comes off a lot meaner than she wants it to, so she reclarifies. "If you have stuff to do, don't waste time with whatever this is."
Yewberry decidedly stays still.
"Okay," Hopethistle says. She looks at a tiny stack of herbs, like she's mentally recounting something. "So. A few questions."
"Yeah, okay."
"Have you been feeling sad, tired, or hopeless recently?"
Brambletuft glares at her with all the will she can muster. "My dad just died and you're asking if I'm sad."
Hopethistle blinks. "So yes?"
Brambletuft, with as much irritance as she can muster, stiffly nods.
"Okay," she continues. "Any feelings of despair? Like life isn't worth living?"
Her tail twitches. "Why am I doing this?"
"I'm sorry," Hopethistle says. And she does look upset, but not upset enough to stop. "I just need a yes or a no. Or a nod. Anything that gives me a solid answer."
Brambletuft blinks. "Repeat the question?"
"Do you ever have thoughts of despair or feelings that life isn't worth living?"
Brambletuft thinks of the weeks she's spent floating in her nest, practically dead to the world. Everything passed by in a blur of bleary sleep, nightmares, and pain.
She looks at her paws, and slowly nods.
Hopethistle's eyes briefly glisten. "Do you intend to act on those feelings?"
Brambletuft couldn't. Poppyfeather needed her, even if they hadn't spoken for a week. She mutely shakes her head.
"Right," Hopethistle says, her voice catching in her throat. "You have off from patrols for another half moon, until I or Silverbelly can talk to you again. Try not to isolate too much, okay?"
Hopethistle, in her own stupid stubborn way, cares. It's why she makes a good medicine cat. It's how she gets even the most prideful, stubborn cats to accept her help. She has an element of ferocity and sharpness to her that she most definitely inherited from her mother.
Brambletuft goes back to her nest, leaving Yewberry to stare at her with some expression she can't quite place.
--
She wakes up again, for the third time, restless and upset, and instead of trying a different sleeping position, she leaps over sleeping bodies and slips into the tiny hole behind the elder's den.
It's snowing.
Her paws take her across the territory, until she stops at the valley border.
--
She doesn't want to admit it, but since Henryclaw died, there has been something eating her from the inside.
Not some scary bug, or a bad piece of freshkill. It's something herbs can't fix, and it's something she can't walk off.
It's choking. It wraps around her lungs and it squeezes and it doesn't let go. It makes her throat dry, and her eyes burn, and her fur stand on her spine.
--
Brambletuft, entirely alone in the night, with a sloppily caught mouse in her paws, stares at them. Blankly.
She is stiffly aware of the cold biting into her, even through her thick fur.
She stands. Not proud or tall as she used to, but grief-stricken and tucked into herself.
"Brambletuft?"
Brambletuft whips around, hackles raised, claws unsheathed. Yewberry walks out, and promptly sits next to her, pointedly avoiding her (dull) claws and her puffed up fur. She probably looks crazy.
"How did you find me?"
"I wanted to follow you after Hopethistle's interrogation," Yewberry begins, "but it looked like you wanted to be left alone. So I waited, then I went on patrol and came back and you were sleeping. And then I kept waking up, and your tail brushed me when you were leaving, so I just decided to follow you. Sorry if that wasn't-"
"No, that's fine," she interrupts. Her heart pounds.
"You sure? If it wasn't, you can just say that."
"No, really. I don't mind. I don't want you to-"
Her lungs clench. Her mouth snaps shut.
--
Exactly one half moon after her first interrogation, Brambletuft is dragged to Hopethistle and she starts rapid firing questions again.
Brambletuft gives some half-hearted answers. Simple "okay", "no", "yes", the whole thing.
"Does it ever feel like you're living life on autopilot?"
"What?"
"Sorry, bad example. Caught it from a friend. I mean like, does it feel like you're just a cloud, drifting around without really feeling anything?"
"I guess," she answers.
--
Yewberry pauses. "Want me to what?"
"I don't.. ah..." Brambletuft fumbles with her words. Please, brain, work. Talk to the pretty boy! "I don't want you to leave."
"Okay. Is there anything you want me to do?"
--
"What?"
"I think you've been having severe dissociative episodes for most of your life. When did you say the first one was?"
"After my first assessment. I think I was, ah, seven moons?"
"Brambletuft, this has been going on for 25 moons and nobody ever figured it out until right now?"
--
"Just, stay here." Brambletuft pauses. "With me."
I don't want to be alone, passes through her mind. He would understand, talk to him.
The words die in her throat.
--
Dissociation is a mental process where someone feels a disconnect from their thoughts, feelings, memories or sense of identity.
Wildfang's word, then Sunwish's words. Silverbelly repeats them. Hopethistle repeats them again, with the same long winded definition.
Hopethistle listed symptoms like they were second nature. Knowing her, they probably were.
Some of the symptoms of dissociation include forgetting about certain time periods, events and personal information, feel disconnected from your own body or the world around you.
Brambletuft can't remember anything that happened over a year ago. She doesn't remember a single detail from whatever Poppyfeather was telling her about this morning (Wow she is a horrible sister-)
--
"I feel like I'm floating," Brambletuft murmurs. It's so late that the moon dips back over the horizon, the sun greedily soaking up every inch of spare dark skies and turning it to bright orange and pink.
"Oh?"
"Like I'm just floating through life, and I've been stuck in the trees so I don't fly off into the sky, but now I'm on the moors instead of in the forest so I'm just flying away."
"Oh," Yewberry softly says. "I don't want you to fly away. Can I be the rock holding you to the ground?"
Brambletuft laughs, the first time she's done so in at least a moon, and rests her head on his shoulder. He immediately tenses when she does so, but he doesn't try to move her (which he could easily do, if she was being honest).
They stay that way, then fall asleep when the sun shines right onto the creek.
--
"Screaming," Owlpaw says. Brambletuft whips her head around to stare at the apprentice.
Hopethistle called it therapy. Brambletuft called it, with passion, hell. Owlpaw calls it training.
"What?" Owlpaw tilts her head. "It's therapeutic. I always see you. You're so quiet when you're upset. Try being loud about your feelings, and maybe you'll recognize them."
And so, Owlpaw orders her to go to the Cliff, and scream out all her feelings. And yes, she said it in those exact words.
Stars, she's taking orders from a 8 moon old ball of rage. What's next, Salmonkit starts using her for climbing practice?
--
Brambletuft stands on the cliff. Wind whips at her face, she ignores it.
Yewberry is there, with his quiet support. He even offered to scream with her, if it made her feel better.
She humbly declines his offer.
--
Bramblepaw is quiet.
Poppypaw is the loud one. She makes enough noise for both of them. Bramblepaw is silent enough to stay behind her. Poppypaw talks to all the other apprentices, telling them elaborate stories of how Goldenstar saved her from eagles.
(It was so badass, she'd exclaimed. Bramblepaw had to admit. Yes, it was badass.)
--
The choking feeling doesn't go away. It never does.
But, she starts fighting it. She won't let it win. She gets up and she gets on patrol and she tackles a pheasant with Yewberry and brings it back, a Feather kept in her nest as a prize.
She goes to mark the border, and take Salmonpaw on badger rides even if she's a bit too big for them.
She climbs to the top of trees with Yewberry and they talk, and laugh (once they touched noses. Scandalous.)
--
She goes to the cliff, and she screams herself hoarse. And again, and again, until her throat burns and her face hurts from her mouth being open for so long.
Yewberry, with his not very silent support, bowls her over as soon as they're off the cliff and under a sparse tree, and she laughs and lets him even though she could definitely knock him on his ass if she wanted to.
--
"I should've been angry sooner," she murmurs.
"I think you deserve to be angry," Yewberry nods. His head finds a familiar place on her shoulder. "No, no wait. You deserve to be angry."
Brambletuft, in all her adrenaline fueled glory, nods, leaping to her paws once again. "I deserve to be angry."
"You deserve to be angry," Yewberry repeats, his eyes bright and happy.
Happy for her.
"I deserve to be angry!" She laughs (cackles. she definitely cackled). She catches her breath, and turns back to Yewberry. "I deserve to be angry. We deserve to be angry."
"Have I ever told you how much I love you when you do this?"
And, all her adrenaline dissapears, in favor of instead making her fur puff out with embarrassment and having her tuck into herself instead, with Yewberry's laughter in the background.
And the thorns constantly wrapped around her lungs seem to loosen.
--
-🍭 (the horrors (my organs) persist but so do i. )
i jhsut spent an hour and a half writing this HGELP
AUGH MY FUCKING HEART NOOO I LOVE THEM SMM.... crumbled on the floor holding my chest. i love them SO MUCH its unreal this just made me love them even more,, lollipop your writing is so fucking incredible i love it so so much
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evanhamato · 2 months
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[ REQUESTS: OPEN! ]
i am not used to tumblr so bare with me here, im doing my best!! i will craft up a masterlist when i have a few hcs to list or if it gets requested to be made! - created 16/02/24
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hello, welcome to my blog!! my name is Evan and i write hcs for strictly ROTTMNT!! possibly in the future i will open up to oneshots or drabbles since i am not very confident in my writing yet :')
g/n reader will be the norm here unless the ask only works on masc / fem reader! (i will not be doing too much fem reader stuff since there is a LOT of fem reader stuff in the rottmnt community!)
i do platonic, romantic, familial!
angst, fluff, whump (selective), pretty much anything that isn't problematic or smut!
i am open to writing about sensitive topics but they will have a TW so watch out for that! (PLEASEEE tell me if i forget a tw, i dont want to trigger anyone!!)
please PLEASE PLEASE req headcanons. im so desperate for ROTTMNT content and i am HERE to feed you all, me included.
i cannot believe i have to say this and i will not be putting this below cut, everyone needs to see it. no TCEST, no proshippers and people of that category. please, im not comfortable nor accepting of that stuff, please leave if you support it!!
more info (dni, ask to int and stuff like that) below cut! :)
(PLEASE READ BELOW CUT!!)
i will NOT write about (always more to be added):
grooming, child / adult, etc all that proshipper stuff.
tcest.
yandere, it makes me uncomfortable.
smut, im asexual and not comfortable writing NSFW of characters who are intended to be children, even if aged up.
i have every right to not answer to a request if i do not want to, i cannot state EVERYTHING i am uncomfortable with.
i write for EVERY rottmnt character! including future versions and turtle tot/child versions! :)!
i apologise if i change a fem!reader req to gn!reader but i am uncomfortable writing fem!reader often. i want this blog to be inclusive since i feel people are often left out due to gender here :).
i WILL get around to making an anon list, for now itll be in my notes app, the link for the post will be here when its make :3
Interaction!
thin ice int if (always more to be added!):
you interact with smut
you interact with controversial topics (not topics that need to be spoken about, genuinely controversial topics, there is a differerence.)
do NOT int if (always more to be added!):
you support tcest, proship etc like stated above cut.
you have an unedited account, please edit your blog to like, follow, req or more.
average dni criteria.
please be aware this is just a rough DRAFT. everything here will be neat when i actually sort my blog out! i am aware it is a pigsty :').
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xsunnysoftx · 2 months
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im gonna start talking about some kia lore at random points to flush out his character. angst/heavy topics under the cut.
tw: for heavy terms/doctory stuff readers please be aware of what ur reading. there is topics of panic attacks and so on. please be mindful this is canonical story lore and is pretty uncharacteristic for my blog, but i like talking about the not so "sunnny side" (ahaha see what i did there?) of kia.
you have been warned.
if you would like to filter out this angst filled tag, please block
X Darkhart X that's the tag ill be using for more personal in depth, angsty and that of the sort. heavy topics will be discussed on that tag. so if your sensitive to that sort of content, please make sure to block that tag and keep yourself safe <333
Something i dont think alot of people know. kia is deathly afraid of doctors funny enough.
kias deathly afraid of doctors. if hes gotta go in for something? hes gonna hella have a panic attack. needles? he faints. blood, he gets violently sick. even a paper cut has him dizzy and panicked. tubes and viles of shit freak him out. hospital beds terrify him. if hes even restrained in the slightest he will go into a full on 100% panic attack and probably run. am i self projecting. maybe which is funny. kia uses healing magic for everything. however cant use it on himself. hes very much like a pediatric doctor for everyone. very animated, goofy and silly to make sure that whoever hes helping he doesnt spook. when it comes to adults he makes conversation or puts on music to keep their mind off things even tho if it was him in that place? mans is gone. you aint catchin him.
i love kia so much. i like talking about more in depths of his character OUTSIDE of tk related stuff. its all fine and dandy. i love it. but i like the angstier side of kia as well that no know knows about.
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luvzkullz · 2 months
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☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆~Pinned~☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆
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Hi!!! I’m Enuna, a self-taught neurodivergent and disabled artist!
My hyperfixations!!!: Laceys Wardrobe, Popee the Performer, Analogue horror, PlushieDreadfuls, Creepypasta and Spongebob!!!!
Commissions: http://ko-fi.com/LUVSKULLS
Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/luvskulls.bsky.social
Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/LUVSKULLS (this place sucks btw)
Please never hesitate to ask me about art trades, i enjoy doing them and am always looking for new people to do art with ≽ܫ≼
I tend to tag my friends in things that ik that they like so if you see me constantly tagging someone its my friends and they are okay w me doing so. You can ALWAYS ask me to be friends with you, im always looking for new friends
The art that i make can tend to have some sensitive topics so please do be aware of that.
My best friend is @mythicalmyles and my lovely boyfriend is @xajic
I hope you enjoy my work and feel free to look around at some of my art!
☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆~THANK YOU~☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆
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dayslynthesix · 2 years
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hello, this it parte 1/3 of what im calling the lovers series, you can read the prologue of this serie right here and i hope you enjoy this as much as i enjoy writing
as i said, this doesn't have any compromise with real life and despite the team that are mentioned during this serie exist they main character its not related to any of them or the players
let's consider thay in this reality covid never existed, I'm following the 2020 calendar just for chronological purposes also the Olympics still happened in 2021 again for logistical purposes
tw: volleyball injury, self doubt, Turkish GP because that's a sensitive topic for me, mention of intrusive thoughts
Delicate | Lewis Hamilton imagine
January, 2020, Brazil
It was a pretty nice night, after all, it was match night. Minas was winning 2x0 on the house, they were playing on their own court with all his fans, it was 17x14 on the board, Priya came from a back row attack, she remembered everything about that point. The ball was set, she gave three steps and jump, her hand hit the ball in the most incredible way, before the block could be put together the ball was already on the floor, also Priya. She jumped, she spiked that ball and once she landed on floor she felt an excruciating pain.
Priya PoV
I could feel every part of my body, i was super aware of everything, i heard people talking to me but i couldn't fully understand what they were saying, i got pieces like "injury" and "knee" and i was taken away from the court. I also remember my teammates look, they were terrified, no one saw that coming. During those first moments when the medical team take a look at me i knew something was really wrong. An injury on my knee, apparently was that, but i couldn't say the gravity of that injury.
"Someone call my mom, please." I remember saying that to no one in specific, all that night was a blurr, I remember the point, but after that it's all a blank space.
During the week I made multiple tests, x-rays and everything related, they told me I had a shattered knee, time of recovery: 6 to 8 months. They also told me it was better if I did the surgery back home, where I could have family support. My dad was in Brazil within 24 hours after the match, we were flying to Monaco within 72 hours, and in between a week I was with a surgery scheduled and full months of recovery to go.
It was that way my career would end?
The formula one seasons didn't have started yet, we were in January and the season was booked to start in March, so it wasn't much of a surprise when Lewis showed up at my appartment - temporarily mine. He looked incredible, as always, and the presence of his persona was something that always takes my breath away.
"Hi Priya."
"Hello Lewis." I was tired of people asking me how i was feeling, because I was feeling like shit, and I felt really grateful when Lewis didn't asked me that
"I saw the match, and the point, it was a pretty good one, you came from the back of the court and hit that ball, really impressive." he take the seat by your side
"Well, thank you, it was a pretty good point. I was feeling so good, you know? I was feeling all my body when I jumped... it didn't end well."
"Can I ask you how are you feeling?"
"I rather not, but I'm feeling terrible. No one says anything. They don't give one reassurance I'll be able to play the next tournaments, or my rehab time, or even if I'll be able to go to the Olympics... I'm exhaust, I'm frustrated and I'm sad, but yeah..." I let all out
"That's why I'm here. Your dad called me, he is worried about you, but he isn't an athlete so it's pretty hard from him to fully understand what are you feeling. I also talked to Angela, and she agreed to help you through the recovery process, all of it, if you want to, obviously." you could feel in love with that man, he was so gentle to me and I really need someone to be gentle with me without thinking I'm broken or something.
"Yeah, that would be nice, thank you Lewis, honestly." I reached for his hand, and he slowly came closer to me, I could feel his breath and his scent, that bring back memories
"Priya, I need you to be fine, and recover and I need you to play the Olympics, not because you're my favourite athlete, but because I know how much that means to you and how much the recovery process is painful, but as long as you want me here I'll be here with you."
"I just keep wondering, am I still good enough to be a high level athlete? I've seen injuries which was way less worst than mine that retired athletes, I shattered my knee, Lewis, I'm so scared that all I think about is if this is the end of my career, because if it is I don't know what to do, I don't know who am I without volleyball, I'm juts... its so much..." I was holding the tears, but at that point I let it all go, the gasp that came out of my throat was so awful that breake me all over again, Lewis held me closser, he take all the care with my leg and he kept me in his arms for long moments
"That's ok you are scared, I don't know what it feels like, but thats ok, you're gonna pass trough this, I'm with you, you're Priya you know, you are so much more than volleyball..."
"But volleyball is my life, I don't want to live in a world without volleyball. The worst part of the injury is not the pain, is the uncertainty, is the recovery, is all the doubts and that can break an athlete's mind in levels that the injury itself can't."
"I know that, i know how much you have put in volleyball and what it represents to you and your life, but you are more than an athlete, it might not look like, but you are. Ever since day one I met your dad he said he had a athlete daughter and his daughter wanted to go to an Olympics, you went once but next one its gonna be your show time, I've seen the incredible season you've made and how much you evolved all these years, you became an extraordinary player, Pietra, and this injury is not gonna take that away from you."
Lewis and I had talked before, countless times, but this time was the first time we were having a conversation that deep. I was never afraid to tell people what I was feeling, but the kind of vulnerability I was allowing myself to feel with him was different. And if you asked me where everything started I would answered it was the first day after the doctors cleared me up to physiotherapy.
It was middle May, it had been 4 months since the injury and I was cleared to started the rehab process. My knee hurt like a bitch and since I was out of any medications I was feeling like a bitch. I couldn't do much more than exercising my legs and some light stuff.
Lewis was out racing, the season started and he needed to go, Angela too, so I was pretty much on my own. I had my physio team, the people who has been with me since I started to play volleyball, but it was different.
Angela was one of the most sweet people I meet in my life, she talked to me during all the firsts session, she asked me how I was feeling physically and mentally, and she was walking with me, not just guiding me.
During the first days, Priya became distant, she wasn't talking to anyone, not even with her siblings, and everyone understood that, she was putting all she had left to heal and the healing process was painful, more painful than the bruises.
All the process Lewis was there, he got used to practice with Priya around and they could actually talk about different things. She became a continues presence on his days. Even if he was on some different country he would still call her so they could talk and work out together. Alan had called him multiple times to check on his daughter, even though she was staying with her dad, he couldn't reach his daughter the way Lewis and Angela could.
It had been a long time since she went to the paddock to watch a race from inside Mercedes Garage, but for the Austrian GP she was there, wearing a beautiful dress to cover her knee, she wasn't able to look at it, and she didn't want anyone looking either, not there was anything to see, outside it was pretty much healed, but yet; and looking all happy to see the drivers again, and meet the ones she hadn't yet. And even though she was still in pain she was smiling again, she was feeling better, 5 months was nothing to heal, but it was the start of the process, and she was confident with that.
It was really nice for Lewis to watch how she bonded with a couple of drivers who always had been really nice with him, even being a couple of years older than them, Priya became really closer to Charles, they shared more things than they could imagined and Priya became sort of a mentor to him, looking forward, Lewis think Priya was one of the main responsible to the mental strength himself and Charles had.
Even the RedBull people went to talk to her, Christian Horner itself went to the garage to say hi and talk to her, he asked how she was feeling, what the doctors had said; Max came latter that day, he was also very nice with her. Being a high level athlete, Priya was an inspiration to many of athletes in world, not just inside volleyball.
Priya watched the full race with the engineers and her dad, at some point her knee started to annoy her and someone inside the garage got her a bench so she could rest her legs. They were so involved with the Caspari family that at that point they were all family, and they wanted another champion on the team, more than that, they need Priya to be ok, they saw her grew up and became the athlete she is today, they need her to be that good because she wasn't putting much faith on the process, so they were keeping the faith alive. Once or twice someone came to her to ask her simple things about volleyball, her favourite athletes, where she wanted to play, what she was expecting from team USA, small things just to reassure her that she was still an athlete.
They watched how she started to feel better, GP after GP, how she was actually healing. How after long weeks she started to give interviews again, how she was walking around easily, how one by one her teammates started to show up at some Grand Prix.
Once the Italian GP arrived, Priya and Lewis were spotted running in Monza, at that point, there were already something happening between them. Lewis started to snitch out in the middle of the night to her room. Priya started to wear Mercedes jerseys with his number on it. Lewis showed up once in the paddock with one personal jersey from one of her teams with his name and number on it. They started to have lunch together, and dinner.
They were already something. It wasn't Priya the volleyball player. Lewis world champion. It was Priya and Lewis, always together.
Pierre Gasly won the GP, Lewis finished 7th place, not the result he wanted, but after everything that happened with the French driver, deep down everyone was happy for him, said that, Priya and Lewis went out to celebrate with him.
Things changed that night. After really long years sleeping around with each other, that night was the first night which the euphoria didn't take time with them. They were sleeping together because they had feeling for each other, it was beyond celebration sex. If there was any doubt the next morning erased all of them. They left the hotel together and went to her apartment back in Modena, where she could finally starting to hit again. They went to the closest court, some of her closest friends were there, Dahlia was part of the whole process and she wouldn't be anywhere else. One of the youngest players of the next generation of the Italian Volleyball was there too, and she was setting to Priya.
"You know, she was scared to run and jump, you being here make things easier, i couldn't thank you enough" Dahlia said to him while the other girl was busy
"She's doing so much progress, everyone is optimistic. Im here as long as she wants me here" Lewis answered back
"Trust me when I tell you, she doesn't want anyone else beside you here. You're pushing her to recovery in the best way possible, she doesn't want to stand behind a world champion and that competition is healthy for every athlete"
"She's an Olympian, I think we are even"
Priya spent the whole afternoon inside that court and seeing her so happy doing what she loved fulfill Lewis with a mix of emotions, he was happy, really happy, he was also proud, he was so proud that he couldn't contain the smile seeing her run, jump and hit.
"What are you laughing at?" she asked once the girl were gone
"I'm happy to be here with you and see the grandiosity of Pietra Caspari" she went red
"Don't make me blush, it's rude" but she was laughing, she was laughing and holding his hands, and they were hugging.
They didn't know back then, but Lewis heart was full of joy and Priya's soul was leaking happiness.
When the Turkish GP arrived, no one was expecting anything that happened that race. November 15th marked the day Lewis became a 7 times world champion. The garage was in completely silence after that last lap, for a couple of seconds you couldn't hear one single sound, and then everyone was celebrating.
"... And now he finds himself alongside Michael Schumacher as top in the records books, the world championship record is equals. Lewis Hamilton wins the Turkish Grand Prix and it's a seven times champion of the world." the narrator voice was all around, everything felt right in that moment, everyone was already leaving the garage to meet Lewis outside on the number 1 standing. Priya watched as he got out of the car and ran to his team, but most important, ran to her. He just won his 7th world championship and he went to her, he held her tightly and for what feels like ages for them were merely a couple of seconds to everyone, they hold each other gaze and they kissed, in front of everyone, all the cameras, the crowd, the public, they were all witnessing two of the most victorious careers in two different sports.
The podium ceremony was beautiful. Lewis was so happy that got everyone happy. Priya's sisters were there, her parents were there, her friends were there, they came all the way for her but at the end they were celebrating Lewis's victory like it was Priya's one, that's how much she cared for him and how much her friends care for her.
"You could've tell me you and Lewis were a thing." your mom started
"Yeah, instead we figured out with all the world." Samuel, your brother whispered to you
"Dad's not happy with that." that was Lauren
"If Dahlia knew and we didn't I'm seriously not considering you my sister anymore." Catherine ended
"Jesus Christ, all of you could be Oscar winners with all this drama. It's new ok? No one knew because there was nothing to know about it. Chill down. Let's celebrate his victory ok?" Priya put a final dot on the family drama
Your dad kept staring you from distance, and considering you were his first child and daddy little girl, you went to him.
"Dad?" you poked him "Don't be mad at me." the puppy eyes always worked
"Are you happy?"
"I am." he looked at you, deep into your eyes
"Ok. If you're happy I'm happy. And I'm really proud of you, soon as you think you're going to be playing again." you smiled, during that week you went to the medical team from VakifBank, you didn't tell anyone, but your dad deserved to know
"Vakif just offered me a 2 seasons contract, 2021 and 2022 I'll be playing for them again. It's a secret and I didn't signed yet because I want to see my doctors first and see the perspective of my knee, but I'm feeling fine, the pain is barely here anymore and Angela said I'm doing great, just wanted to tell you."
Your dad's eyes teared up.
"Oh my God, thank God. I couldn't stand you not playing anymore, I was in physical pain just to think about it. I'm so happy, Pia." your dad was the only one who called you Pia, you hugged him for long minutes, it was the place in the world where you felt more safe
As the podium ceremony ended you went to find Lewis, he was already back on his natural clothes, smiling like a child to his trophy. You smiled with the view.
"Hey you." you approached him and his smile got bigger
"Hello." he looked at you "I'm sorry about the kiss earlier..." he started
"Don't be. Im happy with this little bubble we have and I'm happier that you feel comfortable to tell the world."
"I like being with you, you inspires me." he got closer and held you face with both of his hands, his nose on yours as both of you smiled to each other.
"Thank you. For your support, for having my back, for holding me when I was falling. This year was brutal, but seeing you conquer this whole title makes me want to pursuit more, to be more."
"I'm the one to thank you, for all the kind words, all the time you put on me... I'm really happy to be with you right now, there's no one in world I would want to be with."
"I don't want to steal your spotlight but I need you to know... Vakif offered me a contract, two seasons, titular player, I didn't signed yet, but I'll, and you are the person who made me choose the yes, who make me say yes and didn't let me give up."
"Oh my God. You're playing for the biggest team in the world again. Priya, I'm so proud." he was hugging you after that.
The following days were full with news about you, the statements, even though there was still a couple of races left. You posted something on your social media congratulating Mercedes and Lewis, and people were nuts with it.
Later that week Priya and Lewis went to see a match between Vakif and some other team, Priya showed to him all the players and their positions, she let him know which one of them would play with her the next year, and they enjoyed that time there was left, because once the season ended, she would present herself to the national team back in California and the formula one season would have a break, Lewis and her spoke briefly about him flying with her to California, they agreed, but thay would be a brutar year.
When Abu Dhabi came you and Lewis went together to the paddock and the gala after. You were spotted together doing random things and people loved it.
January came with a call from team USA coach asking you to join the team in April to the VNL, the world competition and to let you know that the spot to the Olympics were still yours, even though you spent a year out.
2021 started amazing to you and Lewis, but no one was expecting the turn of the facts that your season was going to be amazing while his title would be steeled away from him.
New year, new obstacles.
that's part 1, hope you enjoy this as much as I, i love this idea, i love how this turned out.
see ya anytime
xx
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mortimer · 11 months
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Im trying not to talk about my current interest in interviews of ex members of fundamentalist christian groups too much because its a deeply unpleasant and sensitive topic however. I do think that people should really watch Shiny Happy People if they can stomach it because ive been kind of peripherally aware of the quiverfull movement/IBLP for a long time now but i did not realize like. the depth of it and the extent that it is now starting to influence american politics
#m
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schn33wi11ch3n · 1 year
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bro im a german drawn together fan, we have access to all three seasons of the show on youtube and the german fanbase are a bunch of NPCS its so fucking annoying, people literally only watch this show because its edgy, not because of the characters, not even caring about the subject matter of what happens plot wise, the references, nah thats it bro, the comments are “i love it bc its so raw and controvrsial 😂😂😂” low ass standards i tell ya, i hate the comment section its EUGH, otherwise they just talk about how much nostalgia this brings them, thats it, nothing else, only two types of comments, oh also “omg this show was too edgy this is why they stopped producing it, people are sensitive nowadays :(” thats not why they stopped the prodction but ok boomer, do your research ffs
in this show u also kinda have to know a bit about american culture and other stuff, so maybe it CAN be confusing for non americans
im so glad i learned english at this point because the english speaking audience seems to give at least one FUCK, there is actual videos discussing what jokes worked in the show, what happend behind the scenes, criticism etc, thats what i wanna do too, not this crap, im actualy sharing some thoughts here, i mean, nobody has heard of betty boop here, nobody gets what toot is based of, after hearing and understanding why tara strong gave toot this baby voice in the original (because betty has that shtick too) i was never able to go back to the dub i was introduced to first, german toot sounds like a angry old woman
i have seen the movie btw, it was never dubbed here and i ordered the dvd from the UK, the german audience isnt even aware that the movie exists i believe, yes the movie is ass but i still wish they were sorta aware? i dont think anyone even knows that there is a uncut version of the show, i have it on dvd too, but they only dubbed the tv version so its odd how they tried to squeeze in the uncut scenes but some stuff was still left out because it wasnt DUBBED
last thing is that im not obsessed with the edgy jokes or controverse topics, i like the really goofy scenes like where toot pushes clara down the stairs in the m. c escher room, its so stupid but thats my humor LMAO, thats one of many examples, but i also just like the concept alot and the characters as a whole, the only adult cartoon show i sorta care about
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