#but hey i didnt relapse | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

signed-loni · 1 year

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Could I request Sal with a s/o who's recently relapsed with sh? Preferably in a case where s/o doesn't want to bother Sal because they dont think it's too big of a deal, but he notices/finds out anyway (maybe by them being careless or something).

Thank you if you decide to do this, and have a nice day either way <3

Ofc anon. And if ur going thru anything, feel free to message me <3

Warnings: Mention of self harm, cussing, angst(?)-comfort

You knew you shouldnt have. You knew how long you were clean, but today was a bad day. You didnt know what else to do, so you relapsed.

You let out a shaky sigh and began to roll your sleeves back down. You slowly got up from your place on the floor and quickly hid the knife you just used to break your own skin. You got up and walked out of your room, deciding to get some wayer just to calm you down a bit more. Walking out of your apartment, you walked over to the elevator and pressed 4, you were going to sals.

The elevator stopped with a loud ding! and you walked over to sals place. Hesitating just a bit, you knocked on the door. Sals dad got the door for you, opening it wider once he saw it was you at the door.

“Hello y/n. Good to see you.”

“Hi Mr.Fisher, good to see you to.”

You walked into the apartment while henry told you sal was in his room. You uttered a small “thank you”and walked over to his room.

Knocking on the door, you heard a bit of rustling, probably sal putting on his prosthetic, then a muffled “come in!”

You let yourself in while sal looked up at you from his bed. “Hey babe, whats up?” you plopped yourself next to him and said “nothing, just wanted to see you.” Sal got a small feeling that something was up, but decided to ignore it.

Stretching your arms up, your sleeves fell down just enough for sal to notice the fresh cuts on your arms. His heart sank.

You put your arms down sighing, you needed that stretch. Looking over to your blue haired boyfriend, sal was looking at you with a bunch of mixed emotions in his eyes

Sadness, disappointment, and ever so soight anger in his mood. He grabbed your hand, and took it in his, he looked at you with a sad expression, and you wete beyond confused. “Why was he acting like this? What happened? Is he ok?”

Sal slowly started to utter his sentence, shakiness apparent in his voice. “Y/n.” He thougjt before he spoke. Then,carefully, he asked “have you..been slitting your wrists again?”

The room went quiet. Oh.shit. You stumbled over your words before saying “what? No of course not! W-why?” You said, stuttering like there was no tomorrow. “I can see the cuts.” Fuck. “Uhm..” he tightened his grip on your hand. “Y/n, why? What happened? Did-Did someone do something? Did..i do something?”

You thought before replying. “I had a bad day.”

Sal, not wanting to pry, pulled you into a hug, squeezing so tight you could barely breathe.

“My love, please, stop doing this to yourself. You don’t deserve it. Nobody does. You are perfect, and no matter what anyone says, don’t listen to them. They aren’t worth it”

Picking you up, he took you to his bathroom to get you cleaned up. Carefully turning on the faucet and running you arms under it. You winced and sal looked up at you before continuing. He dried your arms and put Neosporin on the cuts. He put disney princess band aids on all the cuts. Kissing each one after he covered them. Once again picking you up and bringing you back to his bed, cuddling you and whispering sweet nothing into your ear before you both fell asleep.

#sally face #sal fisher x reader #sally face x reader #sal fisher #sally face hcs #sal hurt comfort #sally face comfort

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sucker4sixx · 25 days

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Relight my fire

Pt.1

PLOT: you reconnect with your childhood friend and feelings resurface..

WARNINGS: mention of drugs, angst

The sun shines through the dusty blinds in your bedroom, recently you and Nikki had gotten back into contact and you were staying at his house so he didnt relapse due to his divorce.

You were childhood friends, you both met when you were 3, your parents close friends but when he turned 20 and he started becoming a rockstar he drifted. He became mean and aggressive and with a heavy heart you removed yourself from his life. 15 years later nikkis divorced and trying not to run back to herion so in a desperate attempt in saving himself he reaches out to you, finding your number somehow. You didnt have anything going on so agreed to move to hollywood. His house was gorgeous, medieval and made of stone with one huge bedroom (his) and a normal sized guest bedroom (your new bedroom).

You leave your room, taking a quick glance at the clock ‘12:36’ “fuck im lazy” you mutter to yourself, the cold stone on your toes reminding you of the blossoming winter outside. You get to the kitchen and look around for your tall, quite scary, friend, you look out the garden window to see him sitting on a bench with a cigarette placed between his lips, a somber look plastered onto his handsome face. He glances over and sees you watching him so you decide it would be weird if you didnt come out. Slipping on your slippers you head out to the cold garden where the smell of nikki and tobacco linger in the air, you sit beside him and chitter softly, the cold morning air nipping your soft skin.

Youve secretly had a thing for nikki, even as dumb kids. It became a trend for you to make a move the moment he gets a girlfriend. Seeing him again brought back all these feelings but you tred carefully knowing hes just freshly divorced.

“Morning Nikki..” you speak softly like if you spoke any louder it would hurt him “morning doll” he speaks in the same tone, blowing smoke out and letting it curl around you both “why arent you wearing a jacket? Its freezing.” He tilts his head, noticing your goose bumps.

“I just… i dont know..” you trail off, things havent been the same between you two, infact it was quite awkward. “Take this” he takes off his heavy leather jacket and places it round your shoulders, exposing his chest with his white vest top. “You really didnt have to but, thanks” you smile, discreetly smelling it to take in his smell “dont smell it you creep” he laughs and pokes your belly softly to make you laugh “i wasnt!” You laugh and squirm causing nikki to poke your sides till you stand up “go.. go inside and make me a cup of coffee or ill tickle you more” he smirks and you groan like a child, dragging your feet into the kitchen.

He returns and you place his cup of coffee infront of him “here.. for the princess” you smirk, he takes it and sips the bitter liquid, grinning “perfect, doll.. perfect” he trails off before kissing your cheek, heading to the couch. You follow him with your own cup and sit beside him as he flicks through channels “its weird seeing you smoking.. you were always so against it” you add quietly and he glances to you “yeah well.. people change” he dampens your comment and you both go quite. “You too.. you’ve changed” he pats your thigh “i have?” You tilt your head and give an unsure smile, not sure if he means that in a good or bad way “you sure have little missy.. in a good way, your funny and genuine and pretty and-“ you cut him off “you think im pretty?” Nikki goes red and rolls his eyes “yeah.. of course i do” he looks away, feeling alittle embarrassed.

The next night you and nikki decide to go for drink, you both take numerous shots and loose eachother on the dance floor, the music pulsing through your intoxicated body as your legs fail you, stumbling around just to fall into the arms of someone. “Hey! Sweetheart, you okay?!” Nikki shouts to you, when you look up to see its him you let yourself melt into his chest, he laughs and picks you up, walking you both to the front door for some fresh air and some room to speak.

He places you on one of the cold steps beside him and you rest on his shoulder as he lights himself a cigarette “your fucked, doll” he laughs “i-im.. not.. “fucked” you idiot” you slur and giggle, his arm wrapping round your shoulders “how did you even get so drunk, we drank the same amount?” He squeezes your cheek and you hide your face into his side “dont do that.. its adorable” he leads your face up to meet his with his finger, smiling at you “im not adorable” you give a drunk smile “how about i drink more to catch you up then we head home, hm?” He stands up and leaves you at the step before you could say anything, returning 10 minutes later after downing many shots, its not hit yet. “Cmon doll, lets go home” he picks you up, carrying you to the line of waiting taxis that park outside of the club.

You both sit in the taxi as it heads home, nikki stroking your hair “do you.. still think im pretty?” You ask him drunkly, nikki smiles, his voice dropping “your still talking about this? Well, for the record yeah.. i think your gorgeous” he smirks “gorgeous…” you trail off, repeating his word as you feel your cheeks burning up. Nikkis hand moves to hold your cheek and suddenly his lips catch your eyes, they look so god damn good. “Stop staring at my lips..” he smirks, his cheeks starting to go alittle red too “i cant help it nikki.. i.. ive always-“

“Dont.. dont confess to anything just.. shh”

“Please, Nikki i cant pretend anymore”

“No, cmon dont do this” he pleads, not wanting things to get awkward between you two but you cant help it, you move your hand to his cheek but he turns his head to the other side “How long..?” He closes his eyes “how long have you felt this way?” He opens his gorgeous green eyes that search yours “years.. since i was a kid nikki, too long” you try to move in to kiss him but he holds you back, desperation that shocks you both fills your vains and when nikki sees the look in your eyes he moves forward, letting his tongue crash with yours as his large hand grips your hair softly, moans escaping both your lips. “Thats us” the taxi says, breaking off the kiss.

You both enter the house, shame and embarrassment filling the air as you remove your shoes, you feel his long arms snaking around your waist as your hands feel the hair on them. “Ive felt the same too.. you know” he whispers into your ear, his hot breath making itself comfortable in the crook of your neck. “Ive always wanted to just hold you and feel you. It never seemed like the right time” he growls softly and you rest your head back onto his shoulder, opening your neck to his kisses that start gently pecking the skin there. “Why didnt we ever talk about this?” You whisper back. “As i said.. never the right time”

“Is now the right time?” You ask, looking into his eyes as his gaze saddens, he steps back “no.. no its not” he walks away into his room, leaving you confused. You walk to the corridor between both of your rooms, you linger at his door before deciding against knocking and going back to your own room.

You spend the rest of the night, tossing and turning, missing the feeling of his warm body holding you…

#mötley crüe #nikki sixx #80s #tommy lee #motley crue #angst #part one

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tundra1029 · 1 year

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Hey, I don't know if your request are opened but will you write a reader that has sh problems and when they relapse they pass away? (I had a relapse a couple days ago and in desperate need of suicidal reader) you can choose the character if you want

ngl its been months since you have requested this of me and i got real burnt out of it quickly as you know that im more used to posting prompts and College has been taking too much of my time that i cant finish it. instead of making you wait for many more months, im gonna post the headcannons and drabbles that @maryannecrimsworth @vorsdany @dragonfirerogue and @cursedchar have helped me with. this is probably gonna be the last time i post a story and will probably continue on doing prompts idk... sorry if i disappointed ya man.

i dont even know what to title this story but ill call it....

"MY ANGST FIC THAT I HAVEN'T DONE SHIT WITH YET :D"

My mind just went to the dark.

Random Headcannons

this is just what my mind was on when i first read your request

I imagined gun, screams and red petals as blood

Andd im imagining a cliff a knife and screaming

I need a headcanon

Hyper fixated on Wednesday TV series

So! I was thinking of Enid and Y/N established relationship

But it slowly fell apart after the Crackstone incident

Enid spending more time with Wednesday

Replacing their dates with investigations and girl nights with yoko

Investigations with Wednesday

But here's the thing! Y/N used to be an avid sh

But then they met Enid

So they stopped once they had their anchor in the world

But with Enid drifting apart

Their world started to darken

Days becomes mindless routine

Getting used to being put aside

Bottling it all in until.. It.. Cracks..

Now reader just avoids everyone

Then we would see R in their room

Breaking down and loosing their sanity

Then ended up acquiring a weapon, whether it be a gun or a sharp object

AND I REMEMBER THAT ONE QUOTE

"This world is cruel, but i still love you"

"Ill keep you safe, i alone will face the price"

They thought of killing everyone who interacted with enid but with a sudden burst of sanity, they thought back to that, and realized they are a danger now with these thoughts

There's a song to this https://youtu.be/VkOJNkQHpqM

Or this song https://youtu.be/5gyANphz_Kk

They would notice R leaving Nevermore, they would think R would go to Jericho

You know werewolf instincts are a lil spot on sometimes yea?

The friends would just think nothing of it but Enid felt something is wrong and with guilt of avoiding R plagued her mind, she decided to follow

And now they are different scenarios to this

And im still deciding on one

Enid didnt realize she was neglecting reader badly as she keeps on having to help Wednesday and having fun with her friends))

DRABBLES WITH MAH FRENS

I am trudging through deep within the forest, stepping over rocks and fallen branches while facing forward not once have i strayed my eyes from the path i have made in my minds, a path to where it was once my quiet place and now will be my grave, almost tripping over a tree branch and i curse underneath my breath "fucking hell" i grit my teeth and continue my journey to that one cliff was, the only place for me to have peace, not once noticing enid following me

i touch my hip where i have hidden the gun under my shirt and pants, as i stand near the edge of the cliff and i give out a sigh as i give one last glance at the scenery infront of me, where the mountains and forest bathe under the sun, where the river shine and glisten under its light.

I hear a tree branch snap and become fully alert and turn around quickly to look at the one who disturbed my thoughts and my eyes harden "Enid Sinclair..." i glare at her "Why have you followed me here, dont you have Addams waiting for you back at Nevermore?"

Xin (aka Vorsdany): maybe Enid would reply with some rage too, because she doesn't understand why R is being so standoffish and accusing her about Wednesday

Jac: ENID POV: The weather was good. The day was beautiful; the weekend was getting closer and Enid was planning a perfect outing for her friends. You, and, of course, Wednesday included. The forest was still dangerous, so she preferred to go out with groups, but she didn't understand why you went first. Why you went alone, why you stopped so close to a cliff. She approached you, cautious steps as her body warned her of the danger of a fall from that height.

"Why are you insisting on this again? She is our friend!" Her tone was impatient, as was yours.

I scoff and barks out a laugh "who wouldn’t be after their girlfriend basically just fucking abandoned you" i shake my head and presses a hand on my face and pushes back the hair that had fallen on my face "you left me. You left me for Addams, Enid and never have I ever felt more betrayed than that"

Jac: our accusations increased along with your voice, and confusion and anger took over her. "She needed help, more help than you, to fit in at school! It was never that, Y/N, I never looked at her in any way, but my friend needed help."

"You didnt left me for Wednesday? That's a laugh, i saw how you look at her, i saw how you start to stop hanging around me just to talk to her, i saw how you fucking brushed me aside when talking to her" My eyes are filled with rage as my words starts to get harsher and harsher, they trembled with rage

Jac: "Wha--Are you serious?" Enid shakes her head. "That's not it! Y/N, why can't you listen to me and understand for once?" She sighs. "NO! You're getting it all wrong!" /More crying and angst, i suppose/ "Please, you have to understand..."

my glare is harsh but my tone is soft "Enid enid enid... I always understood but... After you stood me up on our dates, Dates that we have been planning for weeks..After all the texts I sent you saying i need you but you just left on read.... That's where I finally understood, so I gave up. I stopped talking and texting you for days now, and you didn't even bat an eye... But that's fine" i close my eyes and opens them again to stare at her with tired eyes "im done" notices her coming closer and pulls out the gun and takes it off safety mode and aims at her "Don't you take another step Sinclair"

Jac: People here in Brazil have a saying "You don't argue with old or crazy people" (My father says that about my mum lol) So I think Enid could follow that thinking and agree with the reader Something like "O-okay! I messed up, Y/N! I messed it all up!" And take the guilt and apologize until Reader calms down and put the gun down She doesn't have to be honest, but she's saying anything to stop reader I can't do begging without feeling really bad BUT something like "Please, I'll make it up to you, please, just put it down"

i chuckle darkly as if to interrupt her "so now you say that... Pathetic" keeps the gun aimed at her "too late for that isnt it?" lets out a sigh " i can't help but be... Disappointed"

keeps pointing the gun at her "disappointed as i am... As the Whole World has been beating me down, ur the only good thing in this mudball of a planet.. Even when you have hurt me so.." my eyes glistened as tears sprung up "I still love you so.." tears started running down my face "and I promised to protect you... Even from me" squeezes the gun but does not pull the trigger

#2 (HURT AND COMFORT) HEADCANNONS

I blink away the tears and as my voice trembles "a-and.. I don't think I can help myself anymore... So in r-respect for all we used to have... Turn around and never look back, Enid and live your life to the best of your abilities.." as i let out a stuttering sigh and lowers my face as my hair shadows my eyesJac:"I won't!" Enid finally speaks back, screams back at you. Her voice was shaking, tears were falling down her face, not out of fear, but out of sorrow. Of pain and despair, of finally knowing how you felt after all the times she let you down. She decided to help Wednesday, her stoic and loner roomate, while you, your lover(IDK GOOD NAMES FOR THIS), suffered in silence, completely alone. "No, Y/N! You're wrong! I'm not going to leave you, the world is not like this, you're not like this(helpless)!" She jumps over you and holds your wrist, immobilizing the hand that's holding the gun. "Let me show you. Let me show the colors of it, of the world, all the good things in it. Stay with me, Y/N." Her voice cracks as she see the pain in your eyes. "Please, forgive me, Y/N. Give one more chance."

and now we head over to the Ending Headcannons! the part where i got really stumped

you look at her eyes and sees the emotion and sincerity in them but they did not make you feel relief and safe, in fact it enrages you

you growl, you pull your arms out of her grasp and kicks Enid back a few feet as angry tears drags down to your face

“You think after all this time that you can just waltz back in and make everything better? Fuck you Sinclair! this aint a fucking fantasy! WAKE UP!”

okay let's just put in that reader was wearing a jacket for the entirety of their stay in nevermore and has not shown anyone their sh scars

“you have shown that you do not give an ounce of care about me these couple of months! I had put my trust in you and you threw it away! You promised me that you will always be by my side and you left me.. ”

You drop the gun to the ground and zip down your jacket, shrugging it off and leaving you in your tank top and opening your arms wide.

Enid is shocked as she sees a plethora of scars littered all over your body. collarbone, arms, under the tank top, you name, nothing is left unscarred

"I have suffered all my life. So please… just let me rest"

You drop your arms as your body expression turns from defensive to tired, your arms slumped, your eyes tired as if you have the weight of the world on your shoulders

You were expecting Enid to respect your wishes but She surges forward and holds you in her arms tightly, catching you off guard.

Enid keeps on apologizing and promises to be better for you.

You struggle, trying to get out of her grip.

Enid tightens her hold and tells you that she loves you

You stop struggling and looks at her face as no one had ever said they loved you before and this was the first time hearing it meant for you

"Y-you love… me?"

you stare at her eyes as she holds your face

Enid proceeds to tell you again that she loves you and only you, she didnt realize that she was neglecting you and she swears that she didnt mean to do it to you.

Enid:"you.. You are my light in the dark, my star in the sky, my Polaris. You mean so so much to me, it hurts me that I have been hurting you when you have always been there for me.. I was so dumb when i did that to you and I swear I will do my very best to fix this, to fix us. You deserve the world nothing less! I love you now and forever. So please.. give me one more chance"

She would stare at you with teary eyes, wiping your tears away

“I…” You open your mouth to speak but..

Enid closes her eyes and kisses you as she snakes her arms around your neck, holding you close

you jolt a bit in shock and try to pull away but she doesn’t let you

new tears would run down your face as you melt into the kiss and into her arms, wrapping your arms around her waist tightly

you missed this, you missed her lips, you missed her touch, you missed her love, you missed her scent, you missed her.

You were supposed to let her go, to not be corrupted by your species - by you. to keep her away from the horrors of the world you could bring onto her

You then deepen the kiss and hold her closer to you.

maybe this once… you could be selfish to just have her be yours.

you let go of the instincts that you oh so locked away ever since you learned the importance of will and boundaries. you let go of the instincts of your race and what you desperately hid from the eyes of others.

You now finally embraced what you truly are, A dragon.

Scales start to appear under your eyes and on your arms as your hands shift into claws.

horns slowly protrude out of your forehead as your wings burst out of your back and wrapped around her.

Enid did not notice the changes as she focuses on portraying her love through the kiss.

you pull your head back, breaking the kiss. You open your eyes and they turn into draconic yellow with slit pupils.

“Would you still love me? even when I am a monster?” you ask, you stare at her face as she opens her eyes

You tense as Enid lets out a quiet gasp as she stares at your new appendages and changes to yourself.

She sees you tense and all she wants is to see you smile again.

Enid:”I dunno about a monster. All I see is someone 'monstrously' hot."

You just stared at her, surprised. did… did she just-?

Enid:”Of course I still love you. Nothing could 'tip the scales' on that”

of course she is making puns. your mouth just twitches, she notices and keeps on going

Enid:” if this isn't love, You're definitely 'dragon' some more feelings outta me" at this point she is grinning like a cheshire cat.

a smile breaks out of you and you giggle a bit.

Enid: “I guess I'll just have to deal with you being a little more 'horny' than me”

you laugh at that “Enid!” Enid just sweetly smiles at you

Enid: “there’s that beautiful smile and melodious laugh that i love so much”

you blush a lil bit and bury your face on her shoulder with a bashful smile

“Ancients, you don't know what kind of things you do to me Enid”

you pull back a bit to gaze at her with an intensity that most would flinch at

“How much do you know about dragons?”

She looks up a bit, pops her bottom lip out and thinks if she has any information about dragons

Enid: “I know dragons are territorial and like to hoard stuff that interests them like what I heard from my childhood stories, i used to believe that they are just fairy tales but you are here, in front of me as living proof that they exist ”

you nod

“Did you know that those who made those fairy tales have gotten in contact with dragons? so some of the facts showed in those are actually true”

Tag List: @maryannecrimsworth @casbrawel @vorsdany @cursedchar @wol-fica @dragonfirerogue @jinxscatbomb (i kinda forgot the other people who wants to be tagged and too lazy to look up the post i made for it, sorry)

thats where i stopped, looking back on this i realized that maybe i should have kept the angsty vibes but then again my mind was going through multiple scenarios of the ending and it just burnt me out and i couldnt even type out whats on my mind. maybe i will revise this and complete this with a whole one page story or abandon this. tho if any of you guys planning to write this, i just ask one thing.. to get pinged in the story thats it no special mentions or anything, i just want to read what you guys can come up with this lil mess of mine.

#wednesday x reader #enid sinclair x reader #wednesday addams x reader #incomplete maybe get abandoned idk.#wednesday #emma myers x reader

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cgsunny · 7 months

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TW!: S3lf h@rm/relapsing and maybe a ED?

hey mumma.. :( i havent been doing so well lately, i relapsed..and i just know when im gonna go to sleep tonight im gonna feel guilty.. :C and i wanted to skip dinner when i came home from school so i chewed gum and didn’t eat for many hours and i told my friend and she convinced me to eat some bread, lettuce, and oatmeal :) and yesterday i accidentally fell asleep at 8pm and woke up at 12am and didnt go back to sleep n stayed up for around 22 or 23 hours :,( but i did go to bed at 11 pm which is amazing because i usually go to bed at like 1 am to 3 am (on SCHOOL nights!) but yeah i am just sad about this but im trying to get better!! :)

bye bye n luv u!!

-🍃

hi there! relapses happen. the important thing is that you’re trying to get better! keep focusing on that goal even when you stumble. i’m proud of you for trying. you got this <3

- mama sunny ☀️

#sunnyanswers

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d3ad-on-arriva1 · 5 months

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Hey there! I wanted to ask you something that might be a bit sensitive, but please know that I ask with the utmost kindness and respect.

In one of your posts, you said that you wanted to relapse, and i was wondering relapse of what, and if there was anything i could do to help <3

I hope you're feeling much better today. Remember to take good care of yourself and don't forget to treat yourself with something sweet, you deserve it! <3333

thx for the ask!

oh i was talking about both my ed (which im in recovery of) and (past) sh, which i am clean of since october. i was feeling pretty shitty last night and really wanted to start cutting, but i didnt!! (nova W imo) anyway thanks for the sweet ask <33

#tw ed mention #tw sh mention

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e2019 · 3 months

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okey well i didnt think it was gonna happen especially not so fast since i have NOOOO fugging money etc but i finessed it got some more subs which is very good considering i somehow lost the 2mg i had last night like i went to bed and woke up several times in the night and it was there then i remember one time touching it because i was like hey wait why is this here i should put it somewhere else and when i woke up for real it was not there... not sure if i moved it and forgot but who cares now.

the sub doctor was kinda mad at me i think lol he sighed really loudly and was like "please stoppppppp relapsing u know there's a fentanyl crisis going on you're gonna die!!!" and talked to me like i was some naughty 5yrs old child who needs to be put in the timeout corner. ummm yes sir i'm so sorry wont let it happen again capiche?

anyways i feel ok right now still a little bit sick but very manageable... not like yesterday when i only took 2mg it was like almost nothing... or i guess it was kind of like i was on day 2 of withdrawal but it felt more like day 1. which still kinda sucked but it was ok because i can work on day 1 but day 2 no fucking way jose.

i've been thinking a lot about what's the best way to do this and i think this is it... so as soon as u can tolerate the sub without going into pwd load the fuck up on it. like 8mg-16mg. then every 3+ days take half of your last dose until you're at 1mg or less, then jump off... the reason why is cuz u wanna get ~100% receptor occupancy asap obviously. then the half-life is 1-3 days. so if u don't wait an entire half life and/or you take more than 1/2 your previous dose, you'll be increasing ur effective dose.

i'm a little bit stupid but i think my math is correct here. you take 1 dose then after 1 half-life you're at 0.5 dose + 0.5 = 1. 1 more half-life you're at 0.5 again + 0.25 = 0.75. 1 more half-life is 0.375 + 0.125 = 0.5... etc etc. that should be real fucking easy. it wasn't so bad last time and my max dose was 4mg. so maybe tonight or tomorrow morning i will take 8mg and start tapering from there and it should be a frigging cake walk. after that depending on how i feel i might take like 2mg or less 1-2x a week for like a couple months but idk we'll see.

oh and yeah i'm not even gonna think about shooting them anymore cuz i don't wanna open up that can of worms that would be so fucked. it's really better if i stay convinced it will be a painful & disgusting death... iirc i had waited 12-24hr last time so pwd should have been out of the question anyways. right. and i had enough benzos to kinda knock myself out which was the only thing that kept me from going crazy. which i don't have any now so if that was to happen again well i'm weighing my options rn and none of them are desirable... slit my throat with a knife or toaster bath i suppose. running in front of traffic is not within the realm of possibility, and it takes at least a 3-story building for the fall to kill u i think. really unfortunate, we need some more effective/immediate/less painful suicide methods at our disposal at all times...

#update immediately after posting i found the sub from last night it was on the floor so mystery solved

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scaphismpriest · 4 months

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which of your comics/fanfics did you have the most and least fun writing and if it's okay to ask, why?

If I had to rate them from most fun to least fun this is how I would rate my II fanfics/comics/AU series 1. Liminal Insanity: Revival 2. Paint Cans 3. Thy Evil 4. Haunting Relapse 5. Liminal Insanity 5. Yang's Trial I would say the most fun I've had writing is Liminal Insanity: Revival, which I'm currently working on, its been super fun to make horror series alot like Paint Cans but in an ARG survival setting where it merges existential horror and infection horror, It's still a work in progress and I've been having alot of fun coming up with all these spins on it. Paint Cans is what got me into writing more, since it's a year old I've learned ALOT from it that I can do better, I kinda didn't really mean for the series to get big as it is now since it was a challenge for myself to write how to portray downwards sprials better since Paint Cans merely happened because I was annoyed with how other II darkfics portrayed the villain with no reason or motivation or just made them purely evil out of nowhere, I also wanted to try to write a villain you could sympathize with, making the art scenes was really fun! Thy Evil has been something I've been working on that's been on the back burner for awhile, I want the story to be sort of epic moralistic thing, I have alot of fun ideas for it and the one-shots are clearly prototypes for now and not really canon for TE, I dont really got the time to actually focus on it now but when I get the time I'll develop it into an actual series! Ohhh boy, Haunting Relapse, I think after Paint Cans I could outdo myself, and I did for sure, but I had set such high expectations for myself into trying to perfect things which had caused me to stress out over it which I shouldn't have done. It was awesome to write some things like Knife's dream, OJ's hallucination, Origami's appearance etc, but other than that I had less control over writing some things because of my co-writer which shout out to him for fixing pacing and writing. I think I can say that Liminal Insanity is just Liminal Insanity: Revival, but less fun and more goofy and cartoonish than its Revival counterpart which has become way more serious toned, It was cool back then when I made it but now looking at it it's pretty underwhelming in my eyes since I see revival as its successor and way more creative when it came to existential horror themes. Yang's Trial, jeez where do I start this comic was SUPER time consuming, this is when I realized making a comic in the first place would be very labourus, especially if you put effort into the art and keeping track of colors. Plus the story didnt really have a solid bridge when it came to finishing it, I just had the idea that was like "hey what if this happened" situation-fic, but other than that, that was about it, It was kinda doomed in the beginning. I sometimes have thoughts about finishing it, but it's not fun to work on. Plus the concepts I had for it didn't age well in my creative eyes so I didn't really want to work on it anymore.

#asks

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b0nywh0res · 1 year

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hey girlies im sorry for not being active AGAIN BUT ITS FINALS SEASON AND THERES JUST A LOT GOING ON RN AAAAA

im crying.btw bc i have this friend who stopped coming to school a few months ago. her friends told me that she just wasnt feeling well and that shed be back soon but the entire year has passed already. i finally got the courage to text her bc we arent that close but yk and i asked what was going on. she said that shes home bc of her ED. she physically cant go to school anymore.

im honestly devastated. i cant stop.crying and idek why. idk why this is hitting me so hard. we're not even that close. i just feel so awful and guilty in a way. i feel like i caused this. i know i didnt, but i relapsed last year too. did i trigger her? did i do this?

i think i especially feel bad bc i know how she feels. i know whats going on in her head in a way. its just, knowing that she feels what ive been feeling all this time too hurts me sm. she doesnt deserve this. shes the only person in my class ive never fought with. the only one who never judged me. shes the only one that, even though we're not best friends or anything, im always comfortable with.

i miss her so much all of a sudden.

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coolkidstuffsblog · 1 year

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Lovely dear.

misty x nat

misty laid in the bed as nat watched her peacefully sleeping in bed..this was the first time misty slept in her hard working days helping nat, but nats eyes wondered to her wrist.

the scars of mistys self harm had faded a bit over time from teenage years, nat frowns 'will she do it again? no..i wont let her do it, never.' nat presses a kiss onto mistys temple 'misty is clean..i know so, i mean her thighs arent scratched cuz i've seen them many times.' nat smiles as mistys nose scrunches up and she twitches shes sleeping like a cat..shes almost like one too, cute but vicious.

misty smiles up at nat as she slowly opens her eyes nat turns the other side as her face flustured up "were you watching me sleep?" nat scoffs "no!"

misty suddenly looks up at nat "if i say i love you will you say it back?" misty asks and nat chuckles "ofcourse!" misty smiles "i love you." nat smirks "it back." misty pouts as she shoves nat "you jerk!" nat laughs "im sorry, i love you." misty looks the other way "im not listening." nat grins as she hugged misty tight "i love you so so sooo much!" nat pressed kisses on mistys face and neck but misty ignored her and kept her scowl face on but the blush all over her face and ears say otherwise.

nat chomps on mistys cheek "naatt!" misty tries shoving nat off but fails "misty cmonnn! im sorry, i love you." misty frowns "misty!" nat presses one last kiss on mistys lips "fine! then im going home-" misty tugs onto nat with a pout on her lips "i love you." nat chuckles as misty peppered her face with kisses and nat pulls back "MISTY PLEASE!! your lipstick is gonna stain my face." misty smirks as she began to kiss down at nats neck and suck on it leaving a love bite making nat let out a soft moan "mi-misty..please." nat grips onto mistys shoulders tightly as a whine escapes her lips, misty smirks "not so tough now." nat lets a low chuckle out her throat "you tease." misty giggles "i think we are even now." nat grins.

misty smiles up at nat "i guess so." misty smirks as she sucks another hickie onto nats neck on the other side "misty!" nat ruffles mistys hair making misty smile widely "dont leave me okay.." nat whispers "i wouldnt even think about it." misty held nats hand interwining them.

misty stared at her freshly made cuts "no..not again." misty grabs bandages and wraps it around the cut "nat would be so mad." misty imagined what nat would say 'misty! cmon your an idiot! you just relapsed! god!' she even felt the light slap on the back of her head.

misty got out the bathroom and threw away the razor as tears slipped down her face "nat is never gonna forgive me." misty whimpers and holds her face in her hands "MISTYYY" misty sighs and walks down the basement 'hope the blood doesnt stain.'

nat held mistys gaze but it lowered to something on her wrist "hey..whats that?" misty withdrew her hand "nothing." nats eyes widened "no..misty tell me you didnt." nat grabs mistys wrist tightening her fingers around it "nat your hurting me!" misty lets out a cry as nat pins her down and looks at her wrist "misty..you promised." misty scoffs "actually i promised to-" nat slaps mistys head "ow!" nat scowls "you said you wouldnt leave me." misty frowns "i..i was planning to do more but i didnt..i thought about you, who would take care of you?" nat felt a tug at her lips.

misty held nat tightly "i dont wanna lose you nat." nat hugged misty to her chest tight "dont ever do this again misty." misty smiles "thank you for caring." misty interwines their fingers "i love you misty." nat whispers and misty looks up "i love you natalie." nat chuckles as she presses another kiss onto mistys forehead.

misty held tight onto nat, misty groans as she lifts nat "misty! hey put me down!" nat holds onto misty tight afraid she may fall "oh cmon i can carry you upstairs." nat looks at misty "wait we are gonna-" misty smirks cutting her off "hell yeah." nat lets misty bridal carry her.

misty held nats pillow close "i cant cry..nat would be mad." it held nats scent making misty slip out a whimper "babies cry..no crying." mistys bottom lip trembles as she began to sob away.

nat began to pinch herself "how could i let this happen.." nat is ashamed of herself, she let them kidnap them 'wait..what about misty?!' nat perks up from the bed lottie placed "misty!" nat ran to the door and tried opening it but it was locked ofcourse, she began banging "DONT YOU FUCKING TOUCH MISTY! YOU FUCKING BITCH!" nat kept banging on the door "DONT DO ANYTHING TO HER!" nat could already imagine misty tied up on a chair at gun point 'NAT HELP ME!' god nat almost began crying at the visual "LOTTIE YOU BITCH!"

#yellowjackets #misty quigley x natalie scatorccio #misty x natalie #mistynat #misty quigley #natalie scatorccio

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