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wielderofmysteries · 3 years

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Rage Against the Mage-Ring: Vryn as a Plane of Revolution

Okay, FINALLY, here’s that post about Vryn I promised. I’ve wanted to share my analysis of Vryn’s worldbuilding for a long time. Sorry if the formatting is a bit weird on Tumblr since this was originally written to be a Twitter thread but it got too long. (Word Count: ~6400 including text citations)

Also I just want to say that this is just for fun and isn’t my entire definitive take on Vryn. But I worked on it for a long time and I hope I communicated my thoughts well and I hope people enjoy it!

Vryn is the birthplace of my favorite Planeswalker, Jace Beleren. For years, Jace’s amnesia prevented any exploration of Vryn. Now that Jace has his memories back, it’s expected he will return. I take a look at what we already know, and what kind of story could unfold.

At first, my interest in Vryn had only been because of its connection to Jace, but in my obsessive reading and re-reading of Jace’s origin story, “Absent Minds”, the observations I made about Vryn pulled me in deeper and deeper.

Many planes in Magic are inspired by real-world cultures and time periods. This isn’t immediately apparent for Vryn, and it’s never been officially said if Vryn has such influences. But despite the small amount of content, I believe I’ve been able to “reverse-engineer” it.

In this post, I will examine Vryn’s worldbuilding through its parallels to the past and present of life under capitalism in America, and why I think this interpretation of Vryn would enrich Jace Beleren as a fictional character.

It’s well known that Jace was created to represent the “average Magic Player”. When people think of this aspect of Jace, they often think of the worst of Jace’s reputation. But Jace is closer to the average person than many people realize, in a way that I feel is overlooked.

I was surprised by how relevant Jace’s backstory was to my experience as an American youth. To imagine myself in a world like Ravnica or Kaladesh is escapism, but Vryn is a reflection of the world I already live in. And for that, I find it a compelling setting.

Minus the literal magic, the circumstances of Jace’s childhood on Vryn were that of a poor kid born to working parents, whose neurodivergence caused him to be bullied and struggle in school, who left everything behind to get an education, and got screwed over by the powers that be.

Jace was born on a Mage-Ring called Silmot’s Crossing to Gav Beleren, a mana miner; and Ranna Beleren, a healer. The very first thing Jace’s origin story establishes is that his family was poor, and they faced struggles in their everyday lives because of it.

Jace paused at the foot of the last flight of stairs.

His family lived most of the way up the mage-ring the locals called Silmot’s Crossing, among the collection of apartments where the poorest mana miners on the ring made their home. He and his family had to pay to take the rickety lifts or trudge up twenty-three flights of stairs every time they returned home. Money was scarce, so Jace took the stairs.

Twenty-two flights of stairs behind him. One to go.

(Jace’s Origin: Absent Minds)

On a massive vertical structure like a Mage-Ring, being so poor you can’t afford elevator transportation is like having no car and not being able to take the bus. Going up and down 23 flights of stairs is hard to do once, and even harder to do every day.

Jace and his parents, in a world of wizards and flying drakes and magical artifacts, were a family who walked to work and school every day because their top financial priority was simply to have food on the table and a roof over their heads. It’s realistic, mundane, and sad.

His family’s financial circumstances led not only to physical exhaustion, but also emotional and mental strain, particularly in the relationship between Jace and his father.

Sure enough, there was his father, sitting at the kitchen table, frowning. Gav Beleren, grubby and balding, regarded Jace with little more than weariness.

I wish he was normal.

His father’s thoughts traced a familiar path.

“I got a sending from school.”

(Jace’s Origin: Absent Minds)

As all parents do, Jace’s parents wanted a better life for him. They emphasized the importance of education as the key to social mobility. It’s so crucial to his backstory that it’s brought up almost every time his parents are mentioned, even in later stories like Ixalan.

The jumble of events grew more chaotic: a man gruffly asserting that scholars belong in the cities, not here, don’t be lazy boy

[…]

“My mother—” Jace’s voice stuttered slightly, and he paused for a breath. “My mother wanted me to move to the city to be a scholar.”

(The Flood)

This is probably one of the most universally relatable aspects of Jace’s upbringing. Rich or poor, your parents have probably told you that you should try hard in school, do well, get into college, and it will make your life better. But we know it’s easier said than done.

In “Absent Minds”, Jace’s father is angry at him for allegedly cheating on a math test. The questions were too advanced for his grade level, so correct answers could only mean he cheated. In truth, Jace learned the answers through telepathy, but he was unaware of his powers.

Jace’s father wished he was “normal” and worried that his bad reports could prevent him from getting a higher education. It comforted me to see that Jace had the exact same experience I did. Any conversation about school between me and my mom could’ve been Jace and his dad.

“Mind telling me what happened?”

Jace sat. He shrugged and stared at the table.

“You don’t want to be expelled, do you? Education is your ticket out of here, to a better life.”

A better life than mine. It always came back to that.

“I know,” said Jace.

You don’t act like it.

(Jace’s Origin: Absent Minds)

I’d been put in classes for the “gifted” and “advanced” my entire life, but I was a terrible student. It didn’t make sense to the adults– how could such a smart kid get such bad grades? How could a kid who knew all the answers fail to do the easy parts right?

Born an extraordinarily talented mind-mage, Jace struggled academically due to not understanding his telepathy. I always felt that was similar to how I struggled with severe mental illness and didn’t know what was “wrong” with me until I was diagnosed with autism at age 11.

The parallel between Jace’s telepathy and my neurodivergence isn’t a coincidence. I had the opportunity to talk to the author of Jace’s origin story, Kelly Digges, and he told me that he’d based Jace’s story off of his own experience growing up with ADHD.

When I wrote Jace’s origin, I was drawing on my own experiences of being a “gifted” kid with ADHD–knowing things without being able to explain how I knew them, feeling like a freak, feeling isolated from both well-meaning family and other kids who seemed like space aliens to me. And some of Jace’s quirks, like disliking touch and not making eye contact, are not mine–they’re just things that felt right for him.

(Kelly Digges)

It’s worth noting that the kind of math Jace learns at school is the same kind of math the mana miners do. It seems to imply that his grade school education was preparing him for the kind of work his father did– the fate his father wanted him to escape.

If Jace had excelled in school, it likely would have made him a prime candidate to stay on the Mage-Ring and become an operator, not for him to become a scholar. Vryn wants to appear as an academic meritocracy, but truthfully, the system never really wanted him to leave.

Jace was intelligent, but his failure to comply and conform made him an anomaly in the eyes of the system. It reminded me of how disabled and neurodivergent people in real life are often seen as lesser because we can’t contribute to capitalism the way the system wants us to.

Jace’s strangeness also made him a victim of merciless bullying. Although his parents knew he was getting hurt, they were unable to seek help for their son and intervene on his behalf.

Mental illness, disability, and bullying make it incredibly difficult to do well in school even with support, and Jace had none. It’s understandable, then, that when Jace finally got the opportunity to leave home and get a better education, it would not be because of his grades.

His true nature as a telepath was discovered after an incident in which a bully tried to kill Jace for reading his mind. Another of his bullies was unintentionally put into a coma after Jace mind-controlled him to save himself.

This incident caught the attention of the sphinx Alhammarret, an arbiter negotiating peace between the two factions in Vryn’s civil war. Alhammarret made an offer to Jace’s family: by becoming his apprentice, Jace would get an education and have a better life.

“So if I’m casting spells, then…you’re here to make me stop?”

Alhammarret smiled. “No. I want to train you, so you do not have to.”

“Train me where?” Jace glanced back at his parents. “Here?”

“No,” said Alhammarret. “The chance to train a promising mind mage is rare, but not so rare that I can abandon my other duties. You would come with me, as my apprentice.”

“For how long?”

“Years.”

The suspicious looks, the whispers, the fear. He could leave it all behind—along with his parents’ love and support.

“Do they know what you’re proposing?” he asked.

“I’ve spoken with them about it, yes. They want what’s best for you. And in this case, what’s best is to get you out of this provincial backwater so you can grow to your true potential. Yours is a rare gift. Don’t squander it here.”

Jace looked back at his parents again. His mother nodded encouragement. His father at least must be relieved. Education is your ticket out of here.

Jace didn’t bother turning back to Alhammarret.

“I’m ready,” he said.

(Jace’s Origin: Absent Minds)

Jace, like many poor youth in the real world, was given the opportunity to escape poverty not because he had outstanding academic performance, but because he had an outstanding ability that The Powers That Be sought to exploit.

I was born in 2000, and like Jace, war has been a constant in my life. When I wrote this, the US had been in the same war for so long that babies born after the war began are now adults old enough to enlist. It’s crazy. I wondered if Jace and his peers felt the same way.

Because of this especially American connection, I saw another parallel in Jace’s story. Alhammarret’s offer to Jace reminded me of the way things like college and insurance, which should be available to everyone, are used as incentives to get people to join the military.

Jace was a poor kid whose parents struggled to provide for him and they were worried about his future. They saw him going nowhere in life if he stayed home, so for Jace to leave seemed like the best option. But Jace didn’t realize it wasn’t worth it until it was too late.

Everything Jace hoped to gain would come at the cost of his freedom.

As an arbiter of the war, Jace believed that his work with Alhammarret would be to negotiate peace. In truth, Alhammarret was a war profiteer who saw Jace not as a student to teach, but as a tool to be used.

From ages 13 to 15, Jace trained under Alhammarret as a child spy, infiltrating military camps to gather information that Alhammarret could use during diplomatic meetings.

Jace eventually discovered that his intel missions hadn’t been for peace negotiations at all. He’d played both sides, sold secrets to the Ampryn and Trovian militaries on behalf of Alhammarret, who pocketed the money.

“Positive,” said the hooded figure. “Has our source ever misled you before?”

“No,” he said. “Nor the renegades, I’m sure.”

“Of course,” said the figure. “When your business is information, reputation is everything.”

“Of course,” he said.

The hooded man—boy, really, lanky and cocksure—knew much more than he was willing to tell…like the identity of this source. For the good of the Ampryn, he ought to seize the young man, torture the name of this source out of him, and….

“It wouldn’t do any good,” said the kid. “He doesn’t tell me much.” The boy’s eyes glinted beneath the hood.

“Fine,” he said. “Take your payment and go. And tell your source there’s more where that came from, any time he has intel.”

“I’ll tell him,” said the kid. He pocketed the money and turned, and the general caught a glimpse of his face….

(Jace’s Origin: Absent Minds)

Jace’s planeswalker spark ignited several times, but Alhammarret was always able to pull Jace back to Vryn and erase his memory so he could continue to exploit him.

He had been stripped of his autonomy and trapped, knowing any attempts to leave or expose Alhammarret’s wrongdoing would put his life in danger. Jace was only able to escape his fate when he killed Alhammarret and his spark ignited once more, sending him to Ravnica with his memories erased.

==========

The unfortunate circumstances of Jace’s childhood are so relevant to real life because the struggles of the working poor and the disparity between classes are not simply present in Jace’s past, but are inherent and essential features of Vryn’s worldbuilding.

Vryn’s core identity is built around a system in which laborers extract and transport a valuable natural resource for the use of the ruling class.

Vryn’s parallels to industrial America are rooted in the Mage-Ring Network. It acts as a system of artificial leylines, transporting mana from across the continent to the Core States for use by the mage elites. It’s no mistake that Mage-Rings are lands, not artifacts.

Vryn’s most salient feature is its network of mage-rings, enormous structures that channel mana from the outlying areas to the politically powerful Core States. The age and origin of the plane’s mage-rings are unknown, and many are in disrepair.

(The Worlds of Magic Origins)

Mage-Rings don’t do anything on their own. They are structures, but not machines. The transportation of mana is achieved through the work of mana miners (also called ring-mages) who use their magical skills to stabilize the mana stream.

Jace grew up as a “ringer,” one of the inhabitants of the mage-rings. Large numbers of ring-mages are required to manage incoming mana pulses, which can arrive at any hour of the day or night. Jace’s father was a ring-mage, and his mother was a healer whose skills were put to heavy use in the dangerous environment of the ring.

(The Worlds of Magic Origins)

The Ampryn League is Vryn’s apparent ruling faction, and usually control the Mage-Ring network. They are entirely dependent on the Ringers for mana, but they don’t give back nearly as much as the Ringers deserve.

The Ampryn League, also called the Ampryn Core or the Core States, is the ascendant faction on Vryn. Situated at the nexus of the mage-ring network, they have access to a continent’s worth of mana and bountiful mundane resources.

(The Worlds of Magic Origins)

In the Core States, elite mage-scholars use the mana for their magical academic research, none of which benefits the Ringers in any apparent way. On the Mage-Rings, Ringers live downtrodden lives and don’t get to use any of the precious mana they work 24/7 to process.

‘The Worlds of Magic Origins’ describes Vryn as “An embattled plane where rival factions fight for control of the enormous, mana-channeling mage rings.” While the Ampryn-Trovian war is Vryn’s largest violent conflict, the war itself is largely pointless.

The Trovian Separatists have been at war with the Ampryn League for decades, but they have no interest in the wellbeing of the Ringers, either. Although the Trovian Separatists are presented as a rebel faction, their goal is actually the same.

The Trovian Separatists are the rebel faction on Vryn. In theory, they fight for political independence from the Ampryn League. In practice, the fight largely revolves around who can seize control of contested strings of mage-rings.

(The Worlds of Magic Origins)

Both sides want to exploit the Ringers. While it’s still unknown why the Trovians split from the Ampryn League and the war started, the outcome of who ends up controlling the Mage-Ring Network will ultimately make no difference in the Ringers’ lives.

“The war is a generation old,” said Alhammarret. “The arbiters negotiate a peace every few years, when both sides are exhausted enough to want it. Then one side breaks the truce, and the war continues. We don’t even bother with permanent peace anymore—it’s simpler, and fairer, if both sides know from the outset when hostilities will resume.”

“Why not let one side win?” asked Jace.

“The Ampryn and the Trovians fight for control of the Core,” the sphinx said. “But only one of them holds it at any given time, and that side reaps the benefits of the mage-ring network. So why are the mage-rings unharmed? Why, when the Ampryn hold the Core, do the Trovians not destroy the mage-rings to deny the Ampryn their power source?”

Jace had never thought about that. “Because…Because they think they can take the Core, and they want the mage-rings intact for their own use when they do.”

“Precisely,” said Alhammarret. “And as long as each side thinks it can win, that balance holds, and the mage-rings stand. Cities are abandoned intact rather than leveled. Roads and bridges are given up, to be recaptured later. If that ever changes—if either side finds itself in existential danger—then it will destroy everything as it retreats, to deny it to the other. Civilization on Vryn might take centuries to recover—if it ever did.”

(Jace’s Origin: Absent Minds)

This aspect of Vryn especially resonated with my experience as an American youth. Having control of my life flip-flop between two factions who are opposed on the surface, but both want to maintain the status quo and use me for their own gain– is something I understand pretty well.

(Pic and quote: @lover-in-blue)

As for the Ringers, they’re too busy just trying to get by to care about the endless, pointless illusion of a war between two sides. This kind of political apathy is unfortunately widespread in real life. If neither side actually offers you a better life, why care?

Behind him, somewhere, were the enormous mana collection stations that channeled energy into the ring network. And out there, ahead of him, past the horizon, were the Core States, sitting in the middle of the ring network, gathering all the energy of an entire continent for use by the mage elite—unless the Separatists had hijacked the stream again. The ringers theoretically owed their allegiance to the Ampryn League, but they never knew who was working the receivers at any given time, and they didn’t really care. As long as the mana kept moving, nobody would bother them.

(Jace’s Origin: Absent Minds)

So it doesn’t matter whether the Ampryn League or Trovian Separatists win the war. What matters is whether or not a better life is possible for the Ringers. Vryn’s true conflict isn’t its civil war, but a class war.

While the Ampryns and Trovians fight over who gets to exploit the civilian workforce, people like Alhammarret make sure the war keeps going so they continue to profit. It’s unlikely that either side could ever actually win the war and end it.

What would upset the endless stalemate would be for the Ringers, on whose labor both sides are dependent on for power, to rise up against them. The entire war is dependent on the Ampryn League and Trovian Separatists’ assumption that the Ringers will continue to comply.

But if the Ringers realize it’s they who truly control the Mage-Ring Network, the Ampryn League and Trovian Separatists will be brought to their knees. A concentrated effort by the Ringers to take back their lives would turn the entire system on its head.

==========

This is why I believe Vryn is the perfect plane for a labor rights era America-inspired Magic setting.

One of my favorite quotes from “The Flood” calls Vryn a “gritty frontier on the edge of civilization”, invoking the idealized historical depictions of North America– a land of pioneers and survivors, of industry and promise.

This place was Vraska’s kind of beautiful. A gritty frontier on the edge of civilization. She knew without a doubt that this was Jace’s home plane.

(The Flood)

And to the men in charge, the industry bosses, a land whose natural beauty and richness could be conquered and bled dry for every last penny.

I once heard Vryn called the “Rust Belt of the Multiverse”, and labor rights was always my favorite unit in American History class, so the usage of the term “mana miners” in Jace’s origin made me think of Appalachian coal mining communities of the early 20th century.

I got to interview my friend’s stepfather, a real coal miner from West Virginia. I asked him to tell me a bit about the history of coal mining in the area, and what those historic mining communities were like. I was immediately able to see the parallels.

“Back when they started mining –mainly for making coke out of the coal to burn to make steel up in Pennsylvania and Ohio– the people, they started mining using different methods, mainly pick-and-shovels. Lived in small towns where the companies paid them like–”

“Oh, like scrip?”

“Basically yeah, like chips– basic company store money. So they paid them, but their wages were horrible, so they didn’t make enough money to be able to ever save money to leave the area to start another job and try to find something different. It was just enough to provide housing and food.”

(Interview)

The companies that controlled coal mining towns trapped miners and their families by preventing saving and accumulation of wealth. In these towns, miners had places to live and shops to buy necessities, but were barely livable.

When the company owned the homes that miners and their families lived in, eviction was a constant threat. It was also common practice for mining companies to allow miners to buy from company stores using company scrip instead of paying their cash wages.

(Source: User “Cdhicks” on Wikimedia Commons, edited to fit Tumblr page. Link to CC license.)

Paying miners scrip that was only good in company stores meant miners couldn’t move out and start new lives, as their “money” was not good elsewhere.

Ironically, miners often ended up owing debts to the company, rather than the other way around, because they were forced to buy from the company store, where prices for goods were often much higher than normal.

The structure of Mage-Ring society parallels that of historic mining towns. Each Mage-Ring is not only a conduit for magical energy (the mine), but also a community; a self-contained town in which mana miners, their families, and people who support them live and work.

It’s unknown whether Ringers are paid the equivalent of real money or company scrip, but the extreme physical isolation and self-contained nature of the Mage-Rings mirrors the economic isolation of those coal mining towns.

Mage-Rings can be dozens of miles apart, with no settlements in between. And some, like those built on waterfalls, are literally impossible to leave. If one were to be evicted from their home on a Mage-Ring, they would have nowhere to go. You couldn’t choose not to work for them.

Ringers are limited to the resources within their Mage-Ring and don’t have access to outside alternatives. They, like miners and their families in real life, stayed in their towns because they were the only places they could live and be employed.

Keeping miners and their families trapped made it easier for mining companies to exploit and abuse miners. In company towns, housing and sanitation were often poor quality. In the mines, miners suffered unhealthy and dangerous work conditions.

Miners were in danger of falling objects, tunnel collapse, and illnesses due to inhaling toxic dust and fumes. Even the furnace ventilation systems that supplied miners with air risked igniting scaffolding and flammable gases, causing instant suffocation or even explosions.

Working deep underground has inherent dangers, but in an era without safety and health regulations, preventable injuries and deaths were common. Unsafe practices could lead to major disasters, resulting in the deaths of dozens or even hundreds of people at once.

Conditions for Ringers don’t seem quite so horrific (thankfully), but those who live and work on Mage-Rings face their own set of hazards. “The Worlds of Magic Origins” notes that Mage-Rings are a dangerous environment.

The odd shape and height of Mage-Rings means there’s a much higher risk of people falling from a Mage-Ring than from an ordinary building. Jace’s origin story states that most who do are caught, but those who don’t get rescued fall hundreds of feet to their deaths.

Towering above him was the hoop of the guide ring, easily forty feet across but miniscule in comparison to the ring itself. He walked carefully down the curved plating and sat near the edge on the windward side. Vertigo overtook him and he savored it, one feeling at least that he could be sure was his own. It happened, occasionally, that people fell, and usually somebody caught them. Usually.

[…]

Below him, the mana stream hummed. If he fell in, he didn’t know what would happen. The mana potential of hundreds of acres of territory, captured and channeled into a single beam…he’d probably be vaporized.

(Jace’s Origin: Absent Minds)

Art shows great variance in the build quality of Mage-Rings. Some are better, but most show their age, seeming to be built from spare parts and trailer homes. It’s obvious they’re not well maintained– entire rings are colored with rust, and exposed scaffolding is common.

Some rings are missing large sections as a result of the ongoing war. Such damage would, at the very least, cause a great loss of homes and livelihood, if not a great loss of life.

They stopped at night, and Alhammarret arranged lodgings in the effectively neutral confines of a mage-ring. It was different than Jace’s home ring—bigger, and recently repaired. Neither side wanted to harm the rings, but collateral damage was inevitable.

(Jace’s Origin: Absent Minds)

Coal mining has always been dangerous, but annual coal mining deaths in the US have dropped drastically over the past 100 years, falling from a peak of 3,242 deaths in 1907 to just 12 in 2019. That’s a decline of roughly 476 deaths of every 100,000 workers to 14 of 100,000.

So what changed? In my interview, my friend’s stepfather talked about how coal miners in the late 1800s and early 1900s, supported by unions, fought for their rights in strikes and armed conflicts known as the Coal Wars.

“There was no limit on hours, there was no unions or anything, so that’s why the unions got started in the early 20s, 30s where they had the marches. That’s where the term "rednecks” came from, because they had red collars. Well they tried to start unionizing for better wages, better conditions, less hours. It has helped. I’m not for a union anymore, but y'know, originally that’s why the wages are the way they are today, and the conditions are better. “

"So things have gotten better, safety-wise and condition-wise?”

“Yeah a lot better. You try to keep in mind that the laws were written because of blood. Someone was killed because they did something.”

(Interview)

Labor organization was violently suppressed by mining companies, who hired private guard agencies and local police to break strikes and threaten or even murder labor organizers. Miners could be fired, evicted, and jailed for striking or being a union member.

One of the most notable conflicts was the Battle of Blair Mountain. (Check out this interactive history page by the National Park service.) In 1921, up to 10,000 West Virgina coal miners marched from Marmet to Mingo County, ending in a clash against Logan County’s anti-union sheriff and his civilian army.

The battle lasted for nine days, and ended when the union miners surrendered to the US army, who arrived to end the conflict. It was the largest insurrection in the US since the Civil war.

The government was resistant to supporting any industry’s labor movements in the early 1900s, but miners and other laborers continued to make their struggles known and fight for their rights for decades, eventually achieving the safety legislation and pay raises they needed.

It’s clear that wages and safety conditions for Ringers on Vryn at the time of Jace’s origin story were poor, and due to the perpetuity of the civil war on Vryn, it’s unlikely that things have improved much since, if at all.

Fortunately, fiction means we can always imagine better worlds and happy endings.

What I would like to see when Jace finally returns to Vryn is for him to help an uprising of workers to liberate the Mage-Rings. All throughout Jace’s childhood, his parents told him that they wanted a better life for him, but a better life is still possible for them, too.

I think Vryn being a US labor rights history-inspired setting creates a fitting conflict for Vryn’s story and worldbuilding, and would be good for Jace as a character. (Also, I think it’s the perfect opportunity for Vraska, queen of the downtrodden, to tag along.)

==========

Why do I think this kind of story would be good for Jace as a character? Jace has finally remembered his past, but he hasn’t confronted it yet.

Despite his good intentions, Jace unfortunately neglected his duties as the Living Guildpact during his time with the Gatewatch. When he decided to step up, it was already too late. He never got the chance to do right by his second home plane, Ravnica.

Returning to Vryn gives Jace another chance. What I find especially interesting about the idea of Jace assisting an uprising of the lower class on Vryn is the contrast it would have to the life he lived on Ravnica as an adult.

In Agents of Artifice, Jace got rich as a teen by extorting the wealthy. He later joined the Infinite Consortium, a lucrative interplanar crime syndicate controlled by the planeswalker Tezzeret. Throughout the book, the main characters’ classism is a recurring topic.

“… know it’s a good amount of gold,” Kallist was saying as they left the flat behind them the following afternoon. “I just don’t think we should rely on it.”

Jace shrugged. “Maybe not,” he said, only somewhat paying attention. “But,” he added, looking meaningfully at the streets and buildings around them, “what we have should go an awfully long way.”

“Emphasis,” Kallist said, glaring at the squat, unimpressive buildings and thinking back to his luxurious quarters in the complex, “on the awfully.”

They moved through the crowds, struggling to fit into a community where they clearly did not. The volume was jarring, but no worse than Dravhoc’s marketplace; Jace easily tuned it out. But he found the middle-class styles garish and the drab garb of the poorer folk depressing. It wasn’t that he particularly felt superior to them (he told himself); it was just that he didn’t belong.

(Agents of Artifice)

Jace still retains his incredible wealth, long after the events of Agents of Artifice. He’s become so disconnected from his roots because he’s been away from Vryn for almost half of his life now. I think Jace’s return to Vryn should have him re-evaluating his own classism.

I asked my friend’s stepfather if he felt like coal miners are respected, and it’s clear from his response that negative stereotypes about people from coal mining communities and others like them have persisted.

“Do you feel like miners/mining are respected?”

“I think it depends on where you’re at. Like around this area, yeah I think so. Because peoples’ [family members] are either in the mines, around the mines, do something not necessarily in the mines but they support the mines. They say for every one miner there’s seven other people that work in an alternate job that supports them.

I had the girls one time in D.C. we were talking to these people on the rail system out there sightseeing, nice as could be to us and then suddenly they said, 'What do you do for a living?’ And they were kinda– they stop talking to you, going 'Oh, you’re one of those people.’ So as soon as they find out, they just cold shoulder you. I mean they literally just turned around and walked away from us, and wouldn’t speak to us after that.”

(Interview)

Honestly, as a kid from a California suburb, I can’t speak for people from the Rust Belt. But I am sick and tired of wealthier people dismissing people from places like the Rust Belt as just hicks and hillbillies, or some other.

The lower classes get shut out– they’re seen as lazy because they don’t work the same jobs the elites do. They’re seen as stupid because they don’t have the same education the elites do. But they’re just as smart and hard-working, often more.

Jace’s father studied to become a mana miner, and his mother was constantly studying as a healer, sharing her love of learning with Jace, and they were both worked to the bone. They were skilled and intelligent people, but their knowledge was undervalued in their society

I think it’s significant for a Planeswalker characterized by his deep love of learning and his desire to help others to have come from the Rust Belt of the Multiverse, especially when people from the real Rust Belt are often unfairly regarded as unintelligent.

Their experiences are valuable in the varied and diverse world we live in. We’ll always have more to learn from different people, from different places and backgrounds.

At the end of the interview, I asked my friend’s stepfather if he has anything to say about the future of young people in coal mining communities. I thought his response was interesting.

“Is there anything else you wanted to add on the record that we didn’t cover?”

“Go to college.”

“Go to college? You think it’s important for people to try to get out and do something else that isn’t coal mining?”

“I mean, yeah. I was told when I first started in the mines that it was a dying industry. Y'know, it has dropped a lot. You have a lot less miners. A lot of guys have been laid off over the years. So yeah, I don’t encourage my kids to go into the mines. I mean, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. We got a lot of young kids that work here. And you always tell them, 'Go to college, go to college.’ And going to college ain’t for everyone. Working in the mines isn’t for everyone. But, y'know, it is a job that, at the end of the day you go home and you’re tired, you’re hurt and you get banged around. I’ve had my thumb cut off, I’ve had my ribs broken twice, I’ve been electrocuted. That’s what it comes down to– every law was written in blood.”

(Interview)

Access to higher education and new career paths is important. They should be available to everyone. But there will always be the local jobs, the hard jobs, the essential jobs that people need to do. When the students have moved away, what happens to the people who stay behind?

In real life, it’s a known issue that young people from areas like the Rust Belt, who go to college and move to big cities, often don’t come back to their hometowns. So many people leave over time that their communities become stagnant and are eventually left to rot.

So I think it would also be significant for Jace, who became a scholar and moved to a big city like his parents wanted, to actually return to his hometown to help uplift the community. I would love to see Jace breaking that cycle in his story.

The nature of planeswalker sparks means many planeswalkers flee from a traumatic past they want to forget. Jace was one of those planeswalkers, so for Jace to see that his humble beginnings aren’t something to be ashamed of would be kind of refreshing.

I want Jace to share what he’s gained from his travels. I want him to see that his home plane is worth fighting for, worth keeping alive for the sake of the people who can’t leave. I want him to make sure that no kid or their family has to go through what he did on Vryn.

While I chose the early 20th century US as the basis for Vryn as a Magic setting, the conflict is still very relevant to the world of today. These days, people of all ages and backgrounds are still struggling to get by.

A story that reflects the struggles people had and are still having in the real world should show that we need to have hope for our communities. We need to support each other and make our voices heard. We need to stand together to fight for our dignity and our right to live decent lives.

Jace believes that people are the choices they make. He believes things can always change for the better if people choose to do good. That people are not bound to their pasts, but are responsible for their own futures. I can’t wait to see what kind of future he’ll create from a childhood that smells like wet concrete, has patched-up walls, and a tin roof that rattles when it rains.

#mtg #magic the gathering #jace beleren #magic origins #vryn #magic story #literature #analysis

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cinnamonest · 3 years

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Since people actually liked it here's the continuation of the modern Xiao camgirl!darling post I cut from the original, as promised, most if it's under a cut. Here’s the original post. I didn’t think people would actually like the camgirl concept so I thought I was rambling too much and cut this part out lol but here it is now!

Tws: derogatory language/female slurs, mentions of reader being a cheater, reader is promiscuous, murder, incel-y mentality (our modern boy would be a 4chan user, look me in the eye and tell me I'm wrong) and mentions of upsetting realistic things, this one's darker than the first part. If you're bothered by other modern stuff for being too realistic best avoid this too probably, involuntary pornography ---------- Coming up on one year since you gained your most loyal subscriber, you get a rather... Unsettling request. He has something he would like this month, in fact, he adds a few hundred to the regular amount (he's been saving up just for this) and asks for just the answer to one simple question. What's your name?

Your real name, he clarifies. He doesn't need a last name, nothing like that. It would just... Make him feel closer to you. He avoids using the term "anniversary," even though that's what comes to mind. He also doesn't tell you that he already knows, that this is just a test of your honesty. For someone who's so cautious, you would think you would think to give a fake name whenever you go to coffee shops for them to yell out, or change it on the packages you get. You hesitate. And it would be easy to give him a fake one, yet, you don't really think about it too much, you kinda think about that as an afterthought, what you should have done, but your very real name is typed out and sent before you really process it, and you feel a sort of unease, but it's already sent. No big deal. He can't do much with just your first name, right? If your name is common, you feel pretty safe, but even if it's a rarer one, surely there are other people with it, right? He's happy though. Kinda surprised, really, that you didn't lie to him. Maybe you trust him?

You're not stupid, you know something is wrong, you're becoming paranoid. And you connect the weird feeling to him, bc he goes radio silence for several days leading up to finally taking you. This dude who used to respond to any messages you sent within 10 seconds suddenly... It's like he disappeared? He hasn't responded to anything you send him ever since you said your name. You send him messages saying you haven't heard from him in a while and you're worried... The way you word it makes it sound like you're worried about him, but you both know that's not what you really mean. You're hesitant and suspicious of every guy you meet. You buy pepper spray and start carrying some around, you nearly spray a poor guy who you thought was trailing you, turns out he just lives in your building. He makes note of it. He watched you buy it, and is quick to realize you always hold it in the same hand. That must be your dominant hand, that's an important mental note for the future, since you're more likely to try to attack him with that hand. He'll remember. He has a note in his phone with information like that. Height, weight, birthday, social security number, parents' names, school she graduated from. All in little bullet points. He adds dominant hand to the list. He's not worried at all really. Already watched you struggle to carry packages he could lift with one hand, your strength doesn't cross his mind as a threat. At first he just doesn't know what to say, and that's why he stops responding, he feels too awkward but... He starts to enjoy the weird feeling of power the whole situation is giving him. You're worried, you're constantly paranoid, and it's because of him. Now you finally understand the same feeling you inflict on him, how you consume his thoughts every waking moment of every day. It used to irritate him that you held so much power over him, while he meant nothing to you. Now, the tables have turned. You're forced to have him constantly in your mind, whether you like it or not, just like you are in his. It's giving you what you deserve. It gives him a feeling of significance. He matters, even if it's not in a good way. And he keeps telling himself that once he's all you have, he'll matter even more. He's smart enough to realize that if you're paranoid, you might have mentioned him by username to someone else, so to ensure he knows what to do from this point, he has to sneak into your apartment at night as you sleep. It's so unbearably tempting, you have no idea -- you're right there and so vulnerable. He has to hold himself back because he knows that if he so much as touched you, he couldn't hold back. But it's torture, standing there so close, watching your chest rise and fall as he fiddles with the phone. Even when he unlocks it with your thumb, he tries to hold the phone from an angle to do so, even if the skin of his hand grazes yours, it would be too much. You have a lot of contacts across your messages and a bunch of different apps. You have one guy in your online chat you've exchanged far more messages with than anyone else! Hundreds upon hundreds of messages, and huge paypal cash drops, who the hell is -- oh, wait, that's him. Nevermind. But, to his pleasant surprise, he's the only one of your... customers that you regularly talk to, the rest just have a few paypal notifications or clarifications on your policies, but no actual conversations like you have with him. Of course, that's literally part of your deal, he's literally paying for it, but it makes him happy nonetheless. But as he goes through your personal messages, he finds that you are... in no shortage of options. Like, holy shit. It was kind of expected. You *are* really pretty, that's how you have so many followers after all, but this is a lot. So many contacts named some variation of "DO NOT ANSWER!!!" or "creepy guy that forced me to give him my number at the club", etc etc. Plenty of unsaved numbers texting you to never get a response. You've ghosted enough dudes to make your place haunted. It's... kinda awful, really. It also kinda hurts his heart a bit more than he expected. You have so, so, so many options, even without the cam thing, he's more insignificant than he even realized. ...Well, for now, at least. He'll be significant to you soon enough. And then you seem to have a sort of "boyfriend of the month" deal going on, aside from that. Plenty of male-name contacts whose last exchange is a "don't talk to me again!" message from you, plenty of messages corresponding to the same time as those to your girl friends about how you can't find a good guy and every relationship ends badly. How unfortunate. See, it's because you choose bad guys. You probably go for dicks and not.... well, he can't exactly pull the "nice guys like me" mentality, he doesn't delude himself into thinking he is one. He's lucid enough to realize that most nice guys would not be sneaking into your house and standing over your sleeping body to stalk your phone as they make plans to kidnap you. He knows he would probably fall under the classification of a creepy guy. He's just too far gone to care. Still, he would be so much better to you, he tells himself, not a cheater or a player like you complain about. To say he resents those kinds of guys -- ones that can do the unthinkable and actually talk to girls, let alone successfully, only to be assholes, and yet girls like you still go for them -- is an understatement. You're basically just a slut, you probably ignore all the guys that would be nice to you, just like all those internet forums he reads talk about. Typical.

Well, those forums also make fun of guys like him who pay for girls like you, but he can't blame them. It *is* kinda pathetic. There is one dude you talk to, though, now. Current boyfriend of the month, from the looks of it. You have a little heart emoji next to the name. He knows it's kinda pathetic that something so simple and insignificant sets him off, but it does, makes him pout and grind his teeth and curl his other hand into a fist. It's so unfair. Some dude you barely know gets to fuck you, and you haven't even known him nearly as long as you've known him! He doubts this dude -- hell, any of your boyfriends -- has put in the same amount of money that he has into you. They fuck you practically for free. And that, unfortunately for you, only solidifies his decision. If you're fucking some dude for a month because they buy you dinner every now and then, if we're going by that scale, then you owe him quite a good deal of pussy. Any hesitancy or guilt he had about the whole thing is gone. And he's a little mad. Keeps grumbling to himself that you're just a loose whore, fucking so many people and putting yourself out there on the internet. He wonders if they even know about what you do. Probably not, you probably don't tell them. Yeah, that sounds like what you'd do. Really, you're kinda lucky that someone like him is so willing to commit to you, since you are a slut. You don't deserve it, but he loves you anyway. And you'll probably have the nerve to be ungrateful for it too. Sigh. On the bright side, by some miracle, it would appear that you have not told any real-life people about him, you haven't sent out any hey if I disappear you should probably look into this creep type of messages. But he can't afford to have you doing so in between now and when you move in with him, so, he decides he has to act within the next 24 hours. While he's here, though, he decides to do a quick sweep of your place. Makes note of what snacks and drinks you like, what brand of toothpaste and shampoo and the like you use, so he can buy some for you. Maybe you'll adjust better if you have some of your favorite things. And then, after days of silence, he sends you a message, says it's fine, his internet went out for a few days. He means it to reassure you, but somehow it makes you feel more uneasy. He has everything planned out, or so he thinks. But you deviate from your usual schedule. When you leave work or class, you don't go home, you go somewhere else, first. How strange. Maybe picking up groceries? He follows from a distance. No, looks like you're going out to eat...? Maybe you're meeting friends or family or -- no that's a guy. Fuck. You must have planned this just earlier today, since there were no messages on your phone. It makes a bitter feeling rise in his gut. He hates that he can't get close enough to listen to your conversation. Well, he hates the whole thing, sits there and seethes the whole time. Watches you through the windows in the parking lot, thankfully you chose to sit outside. Feels his eye twitch and his hand clench every time you smile and laugh. It takes way too long. The fact that you split the bill feels like a punch to the stomach too. Shouldn't you be used to taking guys' money? Oh, and what's this...? This guy isn't the picture on boyfriend-of-the-month's contact. Well, well, well. You really are a whore. See, it's a very good thing he's taking you off the market. You're probably a reckless heartbreaker too. He's doing all the other men of the world a favor by taking on such a burden as you. And it makes him feel far more justified in keeping you locked away, since he has every reason to believe, now, that you'd run off and fuck someone else if given the chance. Halfway through, the guy briefly gets up and runs to the bathroom or something. While he's gone, he sees your face fall a bit. And then he sees you look around. You turn your head from one side to the other. Your eyes scan the area. You shuffle uncomfortably and you bite your lip and your eyebrows furrow. You're scared. You feel like -- no, you know you're being watched and it scares you. That makes him a little happy, for some reason. He wouldn't be sure what to do if you went home with the guy, but thankfully you don't. No big deal, this was just a bump in the road, he still beats you back to your building and he still goes through with the original plan. Even better, now that it's even darker outside. If anything, now he's got extra aggression and testosterone in his blood, running over the events in his head and going through some... very forceful and violent fantasies. The message he sent had you uneasy, and it's also how you immediately know what's going on when it does finally happen. You keep telling yourself you're being unnecessarily paranoid, that it's nothing, maybe that guy actually got his life together or got a girlfriend or something. Things like... What you fear, don't happen in real life, that's stuff that only happens in movies and stuff. You keep calling it that or it in your head. That won't happen to you. It's not going to happen. The series of events that play out in your head, scenarios you try to push out of your mind. Sure, in the movies it always takes place in the stairwell, but that's fiction, so you go up the apartment stairwell as always. You're not gonna let a bunch of B-grade old films scare you. And it's always some dude standing and waiting, but that nice young boy that you've never seen before is just leaning against the wall, scrolling on his phone, he only glances up for a second as you pass by, he's not a threat, you're being paranoid. You flash a smile and a little wave as you walk by, he doesn't return either, just looks back down at his phone. See? This guy doesn't even care, you're being paranoid for nothing, you tell yourself. But as you make the turn to go up the next set of stairs you hear the click of a phone being put on the lockscreen, a few metallic footsteps ringing out in the open hall and echoing, coming up right behind you, but for that split second you expect a tap on the shoulder, maybe he has a question, it's not like movies, it's not like movies, you're not gonna get a cloth shoved over your face and--- Well, it's not exactly like the movies. You were prepared, but it all happens in one motion - one hand grabs the hand with the spray and twists it, making you drop it, the other wraps some material over your mouth. You were prepared enough that you don't gasp in surprise, you hold your breath and thrash, but it doesn't make any difference, you wiggle and writhe for a few moments but can't even begin to break free, eventually succumb to the lack of oxygen and take a deep breath. It takes a few seconds to settle in, it's not so immediate. You instinctively panic and thrash again, but he has a complete iron grip. The dizziness takes a second to set in. He huffs a bit in frustration and says stop moving, it's fine. It's definitely not, but it occurs to you that that's not something a kidnapper looking for any potential vulnerable girl says. It's a poor attempt at comfort. It's someone specifically looking for you. And if that wasn't enough, he says your name. Your very real name. Maybe it was a mistake to tell him after all. But the worst part of it all is that there's not a single doubt in your mind, even in your panic you have the realization, it's definitely him and this is literally exactly what you were afraid of. And it's the last thing that goes through your head. And once he's got you out cold he just takes a sigh of relief. He may have been very neutral faced to you, but in reality he was incredibly nervous. He hasn't exactly made or used chloroform before, our boy is operating on YouTube tutorials here. He's got adrenaline pumping through his veins and carries you with his arms trembling. He's on autopilot carrying you out, but his mind is also consumed by holy fuck I'm touching her she smells so nice she's so warm her face is so close I'm actually touching her-- you get the idea. He feels bad about taping your hands and feet together and putting you in the trunk of his car, kinda. It feels too much like what a really bad person would do to a girl they didn't care about, like he's a trafficker or a murderer or a criminal or something, but that's not true at all. Sure, he's still mad at you for being a whore and all that, but it feels improper, he just has no choice. It's late at night, but he can't risk getting pulled or being at a stoplight and someone seeing an unconscious girl in his backseat, so, trunk it is. But once he's home, to his tiny little downtown apartment (he'll probably be able to move into a better place soon, since he's not paying you tons of money anymore), he takes a quick check to make sure the coast is clear, and drags you out, up the stairs, all the way into his apartment, sets you down on the bed, where you'll be staying. He even washed the sheets and cleaned the place up a bit for your arrival. You probably would not like to see what this place looked like before the five trash bags worth of cleaning was done. He'll probably be more motivated in the future, though, since now he won't be so depressed all the time. And then the adrenaline of the fear of being seen is over, and that's when it sets in that this is real. It's very, very hard to hold back. You're real, in the flesh, he can reach out and touch you with his hands! It feels like a dream. And he realizes he can take this opportunity to do things he would be far, far too embarrassed to do when you're awake. He takes a few minutes to do just that, cautiously reaches out to poke your face, and then run a hand down your neck, your skin is so soft! Your hair smells so nice, he lays down beside you and runs his fingers over it. Puts hands on your body and just lays there in awe of the fact that you're real. He's pretty certain he's never actually touched a human female before now. Everything about you feels soft. Weirdly feminine, which is something very foreign and confusing to him. And he kinda uh... Loses it. Goes buckwild with just taking in every aspect of you. Again, since you're unconscious he can be gross and entirely shameless about it. Peels your clothes off and runs his hands and mouth over every inch of flesh, takes the tape off your lips and presses his tongue into your limp mouth until he's forced to let go to breathe, fingers you and tonguefucks you and sucks on your nipples and your neck. Lays pressed against you and just breathes in your scent. It takes every ounce of self control he has not to fuck you already. But he does jerk off a few times. That way he'll last longer, so it's a win-win. And then... you twitch. Tape goes back over your mouth. And then, you twitch again. And this time, you make a little "mm!" under the tape, you start trembling and he sees you try to pull your hands apart. You whimper. It sounds scared and distressed. He feels kinda bad, but it also makes him hard, and that outweighs any guilt by far. Besides, it's what you deserve after what you did earlier. You tortured him mentally, it's only fair. On the good side of things, you suppose, you don't have to worry about the usual fears one would have over such a situation - you're fairly certain he's not going to kill you, nor sell you. In fact, the bed you wake up on is pretty soft. You're naked and the tape is uncomfortable, but... At least he was considerate enough to give you a blanket. He does care about you, after all. First thing he says is asking if you're awake. Can you hear me? You hesitate a moment, and then you nod. He's a bit new to this whole abduction thing. He wants to make sure he didn't pull a muscle or something with the tape. So... Do you hurt anywhere? Does your head hurt? Oh, right, the tape. He's not stupid either. You have to promise you're not going to scream. In fact, he's angry enough about earlier that he gets a bit meaner than he originally told himself he'd be. If you scream, I'll make you regret it. Understand? You nod, so he takes it off, holding it close in preparation in case you were lying, but you don't actually answer him, you're silent again for a minute, then just ask a question of your own. You're that guy, right? He's silent for a few seconds, there's no need for any clarification. Finally just says yeah. You just breathe again. Silently. Finally you summon the courage to ask him what he wants with you. And why are you doing this to me? And his answer is fairly simple. What do you think? You don't say anything for a minute, and neither does he. He's not good with words, and you don't really have ones for this situation. It occurs to you that offering to pay him to let you go is probably not the solution. After all, this is the guy that's dumped unimaginable amounts of money onto you, you couldn't even come close to paying him back. You figure maybe, after he gets what he wants... well, you get the courage to ask. Is there anything... that I can do o-or... anything that will make you... are you gonna let me go, after you....? And the answer is, again, simple, but the one you did not want to hear. No. He's a blunt boy, so he doesn't beat around the bush, but he doesn't torment you by keeping anything from you. In fact, he's already rehearsed this speech a few hundred times in his head. He just wanted to make sure he's very clear so there's no misunderstanding, and while he likes some discomfort in a vengeful sort of way, he doesn't want you to be too freaked out to where you have a panic attack. He says he's just going to... keep you here. He has the things you'll need. He got your purse with your keys, so he'll even run to your apartment after this to go get some of your stuff. You don't need to tell him which number, he adds, he already knows which apartment you're in. He needs you here, he says. And he makes sure to add that it's your fault. If you were never out there selling yourself in the first place, this never would have happened. If you're good, he can make things a bit better for you. But you need to go ahead and accept that you're going to be staying and that no amount of begging or offers is going to convince him to let you go. He can be nice to you, he promises. A better boyfriend than the others. You just have to be a good girlfriend -- you know, obedient and sweet and do what he says. Just like you always were when you talked to him. Just keep being sweet like that and doing the things he tells you to do. You would argue that the terms boyfriend and girlfriend are not appropriate descriptors of the sort of relationship he's creating, but you keep that thought to yourself. Instead, you ask, How long are you going to keep me here? Which is a dumb question, since he's pretty sure he already made that clear. Forever. -----

There's a double homicide in the area. Takes place on the same night, and the same diameter of knife is used, so police believe maybe the two incidents are connected. Especially because they do have something in common, one girl. She was romantically involved with both of them. The girl in question's apartment has been vacated, very suddenly, and the girl has disappeared without a trace, taking things with her from the looks of it, so police believe she may be responsible, but other than that, they have no leads. A few weeks later, a video circulates all over the internet. Some famous camgirl finally started making porn, apparently. Just one video, but the description (which was totally written by her, it has to be since it's written in first person right?) says something about how she decided to quit camming, so this video marks the end of her career. She got into a relationship, so she says in the description, so she has to quit. It's roleplay porn, apparently, she's doing a good job at the acting. All tied up and gagged and getting fucked by some big-dicked guy holding the camera. He's silent, but she's making a ton of noise, cums several times. Really good acting, the fear and desperation in her eyes looks so real. Talk about going out with a bang. It gets a lot of likes. Tons of comments about how sad people are she's quitting. And of course, a lot of comments say, what a lucky guy.

#.camgirl

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thatbadadvice · 3 years

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Help! I Can't Afford Not To Destroy My Cleaning Lady's Life

Dear Prudence, Slate, 20 September 2021:

Q. Collections department: A few years ago, I hired a cleaning lady. She had a small business, with a few employees working for her. I’d prepay her in batches, and on occasion she’d ask for additional funds due to something unexpected, but she’d always work it off. Then the pandemic hit. Her staff abandoned her, and she had become too unwell to clean herself, so she closed her business, with $1,200 of prepayments from me. I told her back in January she’d need to pay me back, since she could no longer clean, but I wasn’t in a hurry for the money and knocked the repayment down to $1,000. I’d asked her to send me $100 payments and wanted it paid off by the end of the year.

So far, I have only received $500 back and have had to hound her. She comes back with sob stories of getting fired from various delivery and driver services and saying she doesn’t have any money, after agreeing to pay me when she gets her monthly Social Security deposit. This month, after not receiving a payment in August, I have tried contacting her, and this time no answer. I’m tired of hounding her and could live without the cash, but I can’t live with the resentment of getting taken advantage of by her. I have three choices: Let it go, continue to hound her, or give her an ultimatum that I need to be fully paid back by the end of the year, or I’ll take her to court. I feel like I’m working for my money all over again. What should I do?

Dear Collections Department,

The last 18 months have been incredibly difficult; we are living (well, some of us) through an unprecedented global pandemic that has absolutely decimated supply chains and entire industries, forced parents to make terrible no-win decisions about raising and schooling their children, and separated families across the globe. Many of us have lost and will continue to lose friends and loved ones. Others are economically destitute, forced to work long hours for dying wages in a country with a cruel fucking sham of a social safety net.

And then, of course, there's you — COVID's number-one victim. Sure, Zoom funerals suck, but how about some of these entitled chucklefucks try going a year wiping down their own countertops! Wah-wah-wah, you haven't met your grandchildren? Boo-hoo, you had to put off important medical treatments because you didn't want to risk dying alone on a ventilator in the ICU? Bleat about devastating isolation-induced depression all you want, the real issue is that it's been 18 months since somebody came by to personally clean up your filthy shit.

This cleaning lady ~ claims ~ that a deadly airborne pandemic impeded her and her staff's ability to freely enter peoples' homes to spend time indoors with strangers at length. Pretty improbable, if you ask me! I mean, any rube could have smelled that pile of horse manure from a mile away! Here your cleaning lady is, living the life of Riley on a monthly Social Security stipend that likely extends into the high tens of dollars, withholding from you a king's ransom that could be put to good use for any number of things — lining your purebred hamster's cage, wiping your ass, being set on fire and launched into the sun for shits and giggles. The possibilities are endless, except for the possibility that you just let this fucking woman whose whole life has fallen apart just have five hundred goddamned dollars that you wouldn't even look twice at if it grew fucking legs, put on a trench coat, and started blasting Peter Gabriel on a boombox outside your window.

Poor people are poor on purpose and because of their moral failings, whereas people who would literally never miss $500 but who threaten to take a struggling woman to court to ensure she pays off a meaningless debt at the lowest point in her life and career are good and worthy! It is your cleaning lady who must be taught a lesson about the value of money, and what better instructor than you, a person who deserves all that comes to them in this life, and hopefully also in the next.

#advice #bad advice #dear prudence #covid #pandemic #coronavirus #eat the rich

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eclectickss · 3 years

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Make Me Feel Special (1/2)

Pairing: Milf!Agatha Harkness x fem!reader

Warnings: Mommy issues/kink, sexual implications, major age gap (reader is of age)

Summary: You are angry at your best friend for turning down the opportunity for something that you would give your life for: a mother.

Word Count: 3K?

Link to Part 2

A/N: Not grammar checked at all! A blurb gone big!(still at writers block on PGATW) But requests are open! I’ve never done one before but i’m willing to try. <3

You entered the apartment and placed your keys in the dish and jacket on it’s hook, making your way into the kitchen to place your to-go food in the fridge. Jane sat at the island on the computer you shared, and you smiled.

“Hey, I picked up sandwiches for dinner. Hope that’s cool.”

“Yeah, sounds good.”

Your best friend didn’t look up, but it didn’t really bother you. Well, she was your only friend, but still.

You and Jane had been sharing the apartment for years now, The two of you working a good job to afford it and making a livable income. You had been close since high-school, due to your similar social status, but beyond the two of you, nobody was too good at making friends.

From what she had told you, Jane’s mom wasn’t around much when she was growing up. Jane was a teen pregnancy, and ever since she was born, her mom made no time for her daughter. Agatha, was her name.

Agatha came from a wealthy family, though. Her parents (Jane’s grandparents) wouldn’t allow her to use the family money for her child, much less anything else. She struggled with Jane, and therefore the two of them were ever close.

Agatha’s parents died when Jane was in high-school, so her mom inherited their wealth, but their relationship was past salvageable. At least in Jane’s eyes, it was.

Jane was always telling you about how bad of a mom Agatha was and about how you were lucky that you didn’t have to deal with someone like her. Jane didn’t understand though. You would had given anything to have someone like Agatha. Even if she wasn’t around to much, it was still better than nobody at all.

You were now setting the table for two as you pulled the sandwiches out of the fridge, also finding some strawberries to place at the table. You now were looking through the pantry for chips when you heard a knock at the door and Jane moving around to answer it.

“Mom?!” You heard at the door while you still had your head buried in the pantry. Your eyes widened at the name, never expecting to hear it in your life (in that context, at least). You thought Agatha was out of the picture. “What are you doing here?” You stayed silent as you listened from around the corner.

“Well, I think it’s long overdue that we had a talk, Jane, honey.” She sounded a little more raspy than you were expecting, but that doesn’t say much about someone who used to be an addict.

“We don’t do that, Mom. Anyways, now isn’t a good time.” You heard your friend sigh. The woman was your literal mother... you could at least give her five minutes, you thought.

“I want to start, honey. Please just let me in?”

“You have got to be kidding me.”

“C’mon, kiddo.” She begged, and you felt a little bad for how Jane was acting. You know her mom wasn’t a great person, but she was still her mom.

You never got to have one of those.

“If this is just you on another one of your sobriety stunts...”

“I’m really trying this time, Jane! I know I fucked up, baby, but please.”

“Fine.” Your friend grumbled. You heard increasing footsteps and your heart raced as you were about to meet the source of Jane’s complaints and drama.

You hurried to sit at the kitchen counter before the two women caught you snooping, but your gaze snaps up just in time to see Agatha Harkness walk into the room.

Jane might have always mentioned that her mother was any and all variations of a bitch, but she failed to mention how attractive the woman was. Her messy brown hair sat on top of an old purple cardigan and worn out jeans, followed by a pair of well-used slip-on shoes. The look together was not extremely flattering, but Agatha somehow pulled it together in a way that made your stomach turn. Your eyes raked her down, but you think she caught you when you met her gaze again. She smirked softly.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you had guests!” She says as her own eyes follow your figure, and you wonder if she’s just doing it to mock you or flatter you. She looks back up with a glimmer in her eye, and you decide on the latter option. Your face goes red, but you try and brush her actions off, not wanting to mistake it for anything else.

“Didn’t I say that this was a bad time?” Jane grumbled.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s nice to meet you, Ms. Harkness. My name is YN.” You smiled as you held out your hand.

“Call me Agatha, darling.” She stared into your eyes. “It’s so nice to finally meet one of Jane’s friends.” You panic under her gaze.

“We were just about to sit down for dinner, if you want to join us. We don’t have any food for you, but-“

“Oh, thank you... I was hoping I could talk to Jane in private, though.” She walked over to the table and took a seat.

“Whatever you have to say to me, you can say it to YN, too.” The two of you joined Agatha at the table.

A long moment of awkward silence passsed between the three of you before your guest finally spoke up.

“I want you in my life, Jane. For real this time.”

Nobody says anything, and dishes stop clattering.

“I know I shoulda done this earlier... hell, I shoulda done this when I got claim to my parent’s money, but I want to look after you. I never got the chance to do that when you were young... cause of all the drinking and working... but I can do that now. I’m ready.”

Jane sat with her mouth open and a half eaten sandwich forgotten on her plate.

“No, Mom, you shoulda done this from the moment I was conceived. You don’t get a second chance with me. I’m not giving you a second chance, or a third or a fourth or whatever number you wanna give yourself. You wanna know why? It’s because I already did that. And you let me down every single time.”

Agatha looked a little speechless.

“Fine, then.” She sighed. “I won’t bother you again.” But it hurt you to watch a daughter turn away her mother, when that was an opportunity that you wanted so badly. “Is it alright if I stay the night, though? It’s a long drive back to my place.”

Jane rolled her eyes, knowing that her mother was being dramatic, but didn’t want to put up with any more of her antics. “I better not see you in the morning. YN can get blankets for the couch.”

“Hey, Jane,” You sighed as you entered her room.

“Hey, YN. I’m sorry you had to deal with the shit show that is my mother. I can’t believe she just walked in here and expected me to accept her pathetic invitation.”

“No, it’s ok. She’s not that bad with me.”

“Well she just met you. I just don’t understand why she thought showing up unannounced would magically make me want a mother again. It’s fucked up.” Jane said, but you couldn’t sit there and watch her tear down something that you wish you had.

“Yeah,” you mumbled and rushed out of her room before she could say anything else.

You walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass, then headed over to the sink for some tap water. The cool liquid rushed down your throat as you held down your tears, thankful that nobody was around.

“Hey, Honey,”

Shit. You forgot that Agatha was on the couch.

You turn around to see her meeting your gaze, although her eyes quickly found the way to the rest of your body.

“You doing alright, babygirl?” The nickname made you heat up. She spoke with concern and care; something that Jane chose to ignore, which made you feel bad for Agatha. You wish that Jane wouldn’t take for granted what her mother was trying to offer her.

“Uh... yeah... I guess.” You sigh, hopping up to sit on the counter as you watch the other woman fill her own glass at the sink. “Jane is just... being a little hard right now.” You chose your words carefully, not wanting to lose the trust of your friend but also wanting to gain the trust of another.

“What do you mean?” You realize the situation you have put yourself in.

“It’s just... I didn’t have a mom at all growing up. Or a dad. I had my shitty uncle... until he tossed me into the foster system. I had it real rough... and it still kinda is... but Jane has been helping. That’s why we’re friends at least. She might view me as a charity project, but i’m desperate, I guess.”

“What does all of this have to do with Jane being hard, hon?” She leaned onto the counter across from you.

“She didn’t really have a mom, either... growing up. No offense.”

Agatha shrugged. “I know.”

“But now that she’s given an opportunity to have one, she turns it down... and it makes me jealous. Mad. Angry.” You pause. “I know I’ll never get the chance at a mom, but she has one. And fuck, I would give so much to have that.”

“To have someone like me? A recovering drunk who treated their teen pregnancy like a joke?”Agatha sighed into her hands, but her words meant so much more to you than she may ever know.

“Yeah. To have someone like you. Someone who cares.” At that, she looked up with a new light in her eyes, but you don’t meet her gaze. You don’t want her to see the blush or desire written on your face, so instead, you pull a cigarette out from your jacket pocket.

She watches you as you hop down from the counter to get the lighter out of the junk drawer, paying attention to the way your body moves. You notice how her eyes follow you, but you don’t call her out on it, knowing you would do the same if the roles were reversed.

“You want a hit?” You lift your eyebrow as you raise the smoke to meet her gaze. A glint of humor is caught on her face, and you smirk.

“Sure... why not.” She says as you join her in leaning up against the counter. You bring the cigarette up to your mouth and click the lighter.

“So,” Agatha starts again, both of you a few puffs in. “How did you end up here with Jane?”

“Uhh... we met senior year of high-school. I was fucked up. Shit grades. Wasn’t going to graduate. Drug money to pay off... no job. Jane used your money to pay off my debt. She found me a job. Tutored me. Like I said, I felt like a charity project. But at least I graduated. We both work now and pay for this place together. Maybe it’s not great but we’re both better off than we were a few years ago.”

“Why didn’t she accept anything I tried to give her? Did she tell you?” Agatha was prying, but you didn’t mind.

“You mean after high-school? She didn’t want any help from you. In her words exactly... ‘She wasn’t there for me for the first 18 years of my life, so why should she help out now...’”

“And what do you think about that?”

“I didn’t grow up poor, Agatha. I grew up with nothing. I would have taken any of your offers in a heartbeat, no matter how guilty they made me feel.”

“Good girl.” She nearly whispers, and you turned to face her, but you couldn’t make anything out of the expression written on her face. Your own skin was hot and something was burning in your core, and you didn’t know what to think.

“I’m sorry... what did you just say?” You watched as she put the cigarette out, now giving you her undivided attention.

“So tell me, honey, do you have a boyfriend? I’m assuming a pretty thing like you would have one. Tell me about him.” Part of you wondered where this conversation was going, but the other part assumed that she already knew which direction you leaned in.

“Uhh... not my type.” You stared at her with curiosity.

“So you got a girlfriend, then?” Her new confidence shocked you a little bit.

“Uhh... no.” You tilted your head, and she seemed to pick up on your confusion.

“Good girl.” Your mouth was dry. “You see, mommy doesn’t want you having a girlfriend... no, she wants you all to herself.”

Your eyes widen in shock, but your core aches and cheeks burn. You stare at the woman next to you as a hand slides onto your thigh.

“Oh come on, darling. You said you wanted a mommy, baby. I wanna take care of you. I see the way you look at me. Don’t deny you want me too.” She spins around and pins you to the counter, and you audibly gulp.

“But- Jane.” You whine, already being driven crazy by the proximity of Agatha’s body.

“Jane is kicking me out, baby girl. And you can come live with me. Mommy has a pretty house, honey. I can feed you, clothe you... make you feel good. I can make you feel special.” And God, your soul was ready to leave your body. You wanted this. You could hardly think as her soft lips grazed over the skin on your neck, and a soft moan escaped your throat. Her tongue and teeth pulled at the skin just below your ear, trying to pull a response out of you.

“Mom!” The both of you jumped at the third voice in the room. The two of you turn to Jane in shock. “What the FUCK are you doing!” She rushed over to the two of you, pulling Agatha off of your body. “You can’t just come into my life and try to fuck my friends after someone rejects you!” She pushes her mom back and turns to you.

“Oh my god, YN, are you ok? I cannot believe that she tried to touch you. God, that makes me sick.” She hugged you, but you still couldn’t say anything.

“Jane, honey, you don’t know-“

“Shut up! I can’t even look at you! Get out of my house, mom. I never want to see you again.” Jane’s face turned red with anger.

“Honey-“ Agatha met eyes with you, but you didn’t know what to do.

“Leave! Now.” She seethed and stomped back to the bedroom, expecting Agatha to be gone when she got back.

The woman in front of you moved silently while you still processed what just happened. When she returned with her belongings, she gave you a note, but headed out without saying a word.

After a few minutes, you finally looked at the piece of paper in hand.

If you ever make up your mind...

1286 Lincoln St NW

(673) 867-5309

-Agatha

“YN, are you sure you’re alright? I really never would have expected my mom to touch you or even make you feel uncomfortable. I’m so sorry.” Jane sighed as she sat on the bed.

“I’m fine, J. You don’t have to apologize on her behalf.” You replied, sitting on the chair opposite her.

“I mean what even happened. Why did she do that?”

“Umm... I don’t know. We were just talking and then she started that.”

“What we’re you talking about?”

“Oh, I was just explaining how we met.” You tentatively answered.

“YN you didn’t have to tell her that. I know it’s personal for you, I can’t believe she forced you to talk about it.

“I uhh- actually didn’t mind. I wasn’t forced.”

“Then why would you trust her with something like that? You know how she is.”

“Because...” You thought about your next words carefully. “She cares.” Jane scoffs.

“That must be a different woman we’re talking about, YN. My mom is a selfish bitch who only cares for herself.”

That tipped the iceberg for you.

“You know, Jane? I understand that you and her might never be besties like she wants you to be, but that doesn’t mean you get to fuck her over now that she’s trying.” Your friend looks up at you in shock.

“Well she fucked me over my entire life, so I don’t see why I can’t do the same.”

“Because! Jane! She’s changed! It’s only right that you give her one more shot in your life!”

She took a pause.

“I’m sorry, YN, are you defending my MOM? After everything she’s done to me, and everything i’ve done for you?!”

“Yes. It is sick watching you throw something away that I can only dream of.” You spat angrily.

“Geez, YN. Just- get out of my fucking house. Keep your rent money for the month. Pack your shit and get the hell out of here.” She nearly ran out of the room.

But you weren’t surprised. In fact, you expected this the moment you chose your side.

The knocks resonate through the large door attached to the even larger house. Agatha has money.

You thought Jane was over exaggerating a little bit, but now you understood that she wasn’t. You sighed as your cab sped away, and now all you could do was wait.

Agatha opened the door, slightly shocked to see you, but nevertheless happy.

“Hey baby, what is it?”

You took a deep breath, taking in the sight of the woman who stood in front of you.

“I want you to make me feel special, mommy.”

link to part 2

#agatha harkness #agatha harkness x reader #agatha harkness x female reader #agatha all along

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joshjacksons · 3 years

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Joshua Jackson interview with "Mr Porter" (2021)

Minutes before Mr Joshua Jackson joins me in a booth for a Friday afternoon drink at a vibey hotel bar in Santa Monica, he’s confronted by his past. Or rather, a woman in her early twenties who is binge-watching Dawson’s Creek, the teen show about a close-knit group of high-school friends coming of age in a sleepy American town, which made Jackson incredibly famous between 1998 and 2003. The series, which also made household names of Ms Michelle Williams and Ms Katie Holmes, went off air 18 years ago, but is now streaming on Netflix, to the bemusement of Jackson, who played lovable rogue Pacey Witter. “This girl was like, ‘Are you...?’ And I’m like, ‘Yes, I am. He got old. I’m sorry to break it to you,’” he says, before ordering an iced tea and a charcuterie board to tide him over until dinner time. “It always surprises me when young people say they’ve just got into Dawson’s Creek. I’m like, ‘Is it a costume drama to you? Do you feel like you’re watching a historical documentary?’”

The idea of a Friends-style reunion episode or a Sex And The City revival feels equally far-fetched to Canadian-born Jackson, now 43 and wearing it well in a pale green linen shirt and tailored linen trousers by Oliver Spencer that complement his fading brown hair and Cali-tanned skin.

“I don’t know why you’d want to [bring it back],” he says. “Nobody needs to know what those characters are doing in middle age. We left them in a nice place. Nobody needs to see that Pacey’s back hurts. I don’t think we need that update.”

And Jackson doesn’t need Dawson’s Creek. From Mr JJ Abrams’ sci-fi series Fringe (2008-2013) to the Golden Globe award-winning The Affair (2014-2019), from Ms Ava DuVernay’s ground-breaking true-crime drama When They See Us (2019) to the recent Ms Reese Witherspoon and Ms Kerry Washington-produced Little Fires Everywhere (2020), he has commanded the small screen – with a collection of dynamic and diverse work – ever since.

His latest role as Mr Christopher Duntsch, the Texas surgeon convicted of gross malpractice when 33 of his patients were left seriously injured after he operated on them and two of them died, in chilling Peacock crime drama Dr Death, is only stepping his career up another gear.

“I’ve never played anyone irredeemable before,” says Jackson, who is joined in the eight-part series (based on the 2018 Wondery podcast of the same name) by Messrs Christian Slater and Alec Baldwin. “He is charming, gregarious and has a high-level intellect, but he’s also a misogynist, probably a sociopath, certainly a narcissist and a complete incompetent who is incapable of seeing himself.”

If Duntsch is terrifying, then Jackson’s portrayal is even more so. The artist formerly known as Pacey is virtually unrecognisable (thanks to prosthetics) in the opening scene, but the real challenge for Jackson was allowing himself to view someone who is so “spectacularly evil” as a human being in order to walk in his shoes. “It’s a more damning portrayal of the man to make him into a human being, rather than just make him the bad guy,” he says. “He really believes he’s the hero, he’s the genius and that he’s the victim, so once I got past my own judgment, all the other things fell into place.”

Jackson might have his pick of stellar roles – and challenges – now, but it has not happened by accident. Take it from someone who has been in the business since landing his first job aged 14 in Disney’s live-action movie series The Mighty Ducks, opposite Brat Pack alumnus Mr Emilio Estevez.

“You try to make it look like it happens accidentally,” he says, “but there is no way to do this and not be ambitious. I’d say I’m extremely ambitious because I’ve been doing this cutthroat job for nearly 30 years. I’m in the pay-off phase of my career now. One of the benefits of surviving for as long as I have is you get to learn from your own mistakes.”

Such as? “I wouldn’t say, ‘I wish I hadn’t done that,’ because it all becomes bricks in a path, but [after Dawson’s Creek] I was not choosy enough about the things I was doing. You get stuck. You start trying to perform the performance you think people are hoping to see you do. I was so used to working all the time that I just worked all the time. There was definitely a conscious moment in my mid-twenties when I realised I wasn’t really enjoying the work that I was doing. My manager at the time just said, ‘Take a breath. You’re burnt out.’”

The turning point came in 2005, when Jackson was offered a role in the two-hander Mr David Mamet play A Life In The Theatre, opposite Sir Patrick Stewart. “God bless him, Patrick could have made my life miserable because I had no idea what I was doing, ” he says. “I hadn’t been on stage since I was a kid and now I was in the West End in over my head. But it reminded me that I actually enjoyed being an actor, that it’s not about the red carpet or travelling around the world. What I really enjoy is working on good material with good people.”

It’s no surprise Jackson’s time on Dawson’s Creek led to a career crisis. From the ages of 19 to 24, he lived with his fellow cast mates in Wilmington, North Carolina, filming day in, day out, in an arrangement he likens to college. “You get to the end and they’re like, ‘Here’s your degree. Go live now. You’re an adult. Go out into the world,’” he says.

But most graduates don’t have to deal with global fame. “It’s transitory. You’re only ever cool for a moment and then you become much less cool. I was always pretty dubious about flatterers,” he says, recalling a time he was stung in London in the mid-2000s. “I went on a date in Hyde Park with a woman whose name I will not use – she was socialite-famous – and she was acting completely bizarre, looking over her shoulder the whole time. I came to find out that she had hired a photographer to follow us through the park and gave a whole story to the tabloids about how I was going to meet her family.”

It was his growing fortune, rather than fame, that caused Jackson the most anxiety. “Suddenly, at 19 years old, I was making more in a week than most of my friends’ parents would make in a year,” he says. “It was lovely to have the money, but it was that feeling of nobody is worth that kind of money. You feel like a fraud and it took me a long time to forgive myself for not being the thing that I was perceived as.”

Born in Vancouver, but raised in Topanga, California, until he was eight (before moving back to Vancouver following his parents’ divorce), Jackson bought his childhood home in 2001 and lives in it today with his wife, British Queen & Slim actor Ms Jodie Turner-Smith, and their 15-month-old daughter.

“My father unfortunately was not a good father or a husband and exited the scene, but that house in Topanga was where everything felt simple, so it was a very healing thing for me to do,” he says. Fast-forward to 2021 and his baby daughter now sleeps in her father’s childhood bedroom. “There was a mural of a dragon on the wall in that room that I couldn’t believe was still there, years later. The owner [who sold him the house] said, ‘I knew it meant a lot to somebody and that they were going to come back for it some day.’”

Becoming a first-time parent during a pandemic sounds stressful, but it afforded Jackson months at home with his wife and child that his normal work schedule wouldn’t have allowed.

“I now recognise how perverse the way that we have set up our society is,” he says. “There is not a father I know who works a regular job who didn’t go back to the office a week later. It’s robbing that man of the opportunity to bond with his child and spend time with his partner.”

Despite his obvious career ambitions, fatherhood has changed Jackson’s priorities in “every possible way”, he says. “It’s 100 per cent changed how I approach my work and my life. That has been made so clear to me in this past year. For me to feel good about what I’m doing day to day, my family has to be the central focus.

“There are plenty of things left for me to do, but now the thing that gets me excited is experiencing the world through my daughter’s eyes. I can’t wait to take her scuba diving. I can’t wait to take her skiing. I can’t wait to read a great book with her. I’m not worried at all she’ll be a wallflower. She’s been a character from the word go.”

Jackson met Turner-Smith, 34, two days after his 40th birthday. He had been single since his 10-year relationship with German actress Ms Diane Kruger ended in 2016. “I was not looking to fall in love again or meet the mother of my child, but life has other plans for you,” he says.

The couple met at a party. Turner-Smith was wearing the same The Future Is Female Ejaculation T-shirt Ms Tessa Thompson’s character, Detroit, wears in the 2018 film Sorry To Bother You. “That’s what I used to break the ice. I shouted, ‘Detroit!’ across the room. Not the smoothest thing I’ve ever done, but it worked. We were pretty much inseparable from the word go. It was a whirlwind romance and I can tell my daughter I literally saw her mother across a room and thought, ‘I have to be next to this woman.’”

A self-confessed “useless” shopper, Jackson gives his wife full credit for his current wardrobe. He is jewellery-free, apart from a wedding band and a gold signet “JJ” ring on his little finger (a present from his wife), and discovered tailored sweatsuits (by Stampd and Reigning Champ) in the pandemic.

“Jodie has influence in the way that a wonderful wife encourages you, through love, to dress well. She was like, ‘We’re going to throw away all the sweatpants from your past and I’m going to get you some that actually make you look like an adult male and you will still feel comfortable around the house,’ and I’m like, ‘What an amazing idea!’ Who knew you could get sweatsuits that actually look good on your body?”

Jackson’s style has evolved, he says, “from slovenly teen to it’s-nice-when-your-clothes-actually-fit-you”. The penny dropped after he auditioned for his former co-star Estevez, who was directing the 2006 Mr Robert Kennedy biopic Bobby. He said to me, ‘You only got this job because I know you. You came in here to play a very well-put together 1960s political operative and you’re wearing jeans and a hoodie.’

“I had to grow up a little bit. We are very much raised in Canada to never, ever show off, so it took me a while to recognise it’s OK to look good when you go out.”

Still, when you’ve grown up in front of the camera, “every pimple literally documented”, and lived (very successfully) to tell the tale, you can probably be forgiven for the odd fashion faux pas.

“I wore a silk Ascot to an event once in Paris and I still have nightmares about it,” he says. “I looked like Fred from Scooby Doo, but you live and learn.”

#joshua jackson #interviews #jodie turner smith #dawson's creek #dr death #fringe #emilio estevez #mr porter #patrick stewart #michelle williams #katie holmes

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watchtheblog · 3 years

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play dough

when i was 7 or 8 years old, a girl asked me what my allowance was and - after she explained what the fuck an allowance was - i told her i didn’t have an allowance because i was poor.

a few days later, my mother beat my asssssss for saying that. i guess the girl had told her mom… who then told my mom… who then beat my fuckin ass!

i have no idea how i knew that what we were was “poor” or who had made me feel like that, or if i even FELT like that, or if it was just a thing i knew to be true. i hardly have memories of being a kid, but we lived in a studio apartment as a family of four until i was 12 years old and we were - relatively speaking, for new york city - poor.

my parents were savvy with money — that’s why i went to a boarding school in london when my parents’ combined income was less than $100,000. my parents were also shady with money — that’s why i wasn’t allowed to go back to that school my senior year for 5 weeks because the tuition hadn’t been paid. and that’s why i’m paying back loans my parents took out in my name to pay for my education at columbia.

yesterday i posted a DM from someone asking how i “fund” my vacations. i responded that i fund my vacations the way i assume everyone does: with money made from working. i also wrote a caption explaining succinctly what i’m rambling on about here now.

someone who i guess can’t read responded accusing me of “being ashamed of being a rich kid”.

when i explicitly clarified that i am not a rich kid and that i have worked for everything i have, this stranger told me that my “schtick” of “driving a porsche, shopping at the supermarket erewhon, and spending weeks on vacation” makes my followers presume i live off family money.

when i read this message i was so convinced that my experience was not valid that i let a stranger gaslight me into believing driving a car, getting groceries, and going on vacation indicate family wealth… when i’m literally not the spawn of wealthy people.

none of those things are suggestive of someone who grew up privileged or rich, any more than they are of someone who has worked for their money.

like, yes, people with rich parents drive nice cars and go on vacation… but so do tik tok stars, and teenagers with youtubes. and so does ariana grande, go after her!

the only reason someone would equate these things to “being raised rich” is if the person were purposefully refusing to believe a human being is capable of being successful and making their own money.

the reason my mom beat me for saying i was poor was because i was “telling our business”. she cared so deeply what people thought of her, of us. no one should ever know when our lights get turned off, or when we don’t have dinner, or when we unplug the landline because debt collectors are calling.

obviously these are moments that don’t need to be shared with the world, but when you’re a child experiencing things and concurrently learning that they are secrets, your parents’ insidious shame surrounding money gets passed on to you. at a certain point, our commitment to keeping our issues with money a secret was the only thing that bonded us.

we were doing the bow wow challenge before bow wow...

i’ve worked really hard to not have money be a source of shame for me, and to be independent and make a life for myself with no help from anyone so it’s anathema to me that a stranger would so flagrantly and erroneously try to discredit me and my accomplishments, which is why - to the chagrin of most of my friends - i am insistent on engaging with people about things that are none of their business.

also, like my mother, i care so deeply about what people think of me, so i responded to the message, clarifying that my parents are not rich, and that i am a writer. the stranger then told me that it’s unbelievable that my job as a QUOTE writer UNQUOTE would afford me this lifestyle.

i used to say “i’m a ‘writer’” when i was a personal assistant making $50,000 a year. i used to say it when i was a coat check girl making $200 a night. when i first moved to LA, and had no money, i ate one sweet potato a day and wrote nonsense that no one was paying me for for hours. i’d still tell people “i’m a ‘writer’.”

and i used to be embarrassed.

i’ve lived my entire life never being vocal about my accomplishments for fear of seeming like i’m bragging, or for the want to make myself small so others around me can feel big. i can never gas myself up unless it’s in response to someone tearing me down, but here we are so let me stand up:

i’m a writer. no quotation marks.

that’s how i make my living, that’s how i pay my bills, that’s how i support the family i support.

i’m also financially chaotic and reckless. (THIS IS NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE) up until a few years ago i had tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt from taking trips and vacations i knew i couldn’t afford. two summers ago i made $7500 in a few months on a random $600 stock investment ($FTSV). i took all that money and did the most new money thing i’ve ever done — i bought myself a diamond ring.

i eat microwave tortellini from trader joe’s five nights a week and no i’m not gonna play myself by posting that to instagram - but if you don’t believe me you can ask my friend austin because i send him a photo of it 3 out of the 5 nights.

i also go to europe on vacation every summer because i deserve to spend the money i make the way i want.

instagram is for posting your wins. you should want to see the people you follow on instagram posting their wins. and if your inclination to seeing someone win is to be jealous or incredulous, then you need to reevaluate what goes on in your house before trying to tear down theirs.

i came up. you can leave.

we been getting money :)

*** anyway! this entire thing is very tacky so if you really didn’t want to believe that i don’t come from money, you can BET someone with money would never ever expose themselves to the indignity of speaking about money like this. ta da!

#i bust it open for savings #money

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moldy-mold · 3 years

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Hello! It’s already May... Life updates - a roller coaster of emotions

A tempestuous, tearful April... Aghh the struggle has not eased up a bit. Living is just too expensive to be shouldered by part-time wages, meager freelance, and fickle confidence. My parents are disappointed - I’ve always tried to dodge the questions about my uncertain future. After all, I don’t have any answers.

What nearly broke my spirit was the humiliating scolding I received on my birthday. “You’re almost 30. Stop playing around at the cafe, don’t you know your bank account is nearly empty? How will you pay for this? If you can’t afford car insurance then just bike to work!” I didn’t even have time to think about how inconsiderate that was. In a daze, I hung up and went to my second part-time job that day.

Well, Dad, those are the questions I asked myself every single day. All I can do is keep trying even if you don’t believe in me. Because, despite everything, I still believe in myself.

Nothing good will come out of asking these punishing questions. I don’t know if things will get better or worse. Just gotta do what I can to get by as a small creature existing in this universe.

I learned to stop blaming myself for not being successful. Given the circumstances, I think the odds are stacked pretty high against most of us right now.

“Banish the nonsense. Some questions will ruin you if you are denied the answer long enough.” - Annihilation

I’ve begun my investment journey! After studying how it all works I have come to understand the value of investing. It was one of my resolutions for this year and I’m glad I’ve achieved it.

My brother, a crypto enthusiast, knows my monetary plight and has been helping me out in the weirdest ways.

6 am text: “Hey Sis, you got $1000? Put it into Dogecoin... like NOW.”

I don’t like doing these kinds of high-risk-high-reward investments but what the heck, I was desperate. I applied for an account that can trade crypto.

In the end my account got rejected (there was no explanation) and I gave up. Because of course that would happen lol.

“Hey, do you have time to talk about the future?” “UM... are we breaking up???” “LOL don’t say it like that!”

My roommate / best friend decided she wanted to move to her own place and find her own way in life. Of course, my fragile heart, still tender from the previous month’s beating, took it very personally. I was reassured it wasn’t my fault - there are plenty of other valid reasons why.

We’ve been sharing an apartment for 6 years now, and although I knew it would happen someday, it was quite shocking to hear it being said to me in reality. At first, I laughed it off because I’ve been dreaming about moving out of the country anyway and it all works out. I’m an introverted, neat-freak, homebody! It’s perfect! But after a very pensive shower, I realized that I’m actually terrified to be without any companionship. Either way, I have to put my feelings aside because I don’t wanna hold her back from her dreams. I may have trouble accepting it now but hopefully I can genuinely be happy for her in time.

The Plant Life Please welcome Rokurou, the newest addition to my jungle.

It’s been a few weeks and he totally ate bugs already lol. Nice! I was thinking the smaller traps wouldn’t catch anything, but it turns out they’ve been doing the most work. The larger traps can’t catch ants or tiny gnats. They just crawl out after the trap snaps shut.

This venus fly trap is rather picky about what water he gets so I’ve been out there collecting rainwater in buckets JUST for him! Kind of a pain, but I will do whatever it takes to keep him alive.

It was a very tiny dream of mine to collect and care for carnivorous plants. If the shop had more varieties, I would probably buy them all.

I thought I was gonna die... Hostess for a day. One day while working at the cafe, this old Chinese man came in asking how much I made here. Then he told me if I work as a hostess/front desk person at his restaurant (which was next to the cafe, by the way), he will pay me more than the cafe. He slipped me $5 to go see him after my shift at 9pm. It was soooooo sketch. But I went anyway to at least hear him out after telling my roommate and my parents where I was going. You know... in case I die.

Luckily I didn’t die. It was a normal Chinese restaurant. I met the staff and they were all super cool and the mysterious old man goes by Mr. Lin.

Mr. Lin was very chill about it. He said I can have a trial run after my bakery shift on Saturday. If I don’t like it, I can just tell him no and he will pay me for my time.

I knew it was a bad idea to take another shift after a long shift at the cafe but I did it anyway. It was BUSY. Too busy for anyone to teach me how to be a hostess so I literally just had to guess what I’m supposed to be doing. It was kinda obvious though, showing people to their tables. I picked them at random bc I didn’t know if there was a method to seating people or not.

There are three different menus: Chinese, Korean and English and they’re ALL different. Depending on the nationality of who walks in, I have to decide for myself which menu to hand out. Uhhhhh despite being Asian myself, I cannot tell the difference between Korean and Chinese people lmao so I have to keep awkwardly asking people which menu they want. *screams*

The manager, Vincent, is so OP though. He knows exactly which menu to get every time. I was like HOW DO YOU KNOW?? He only responded with “working in the business for 24 years.”

Anyway, it was a long and confusing night of people thinking I am a waitress and me not knowing where the spoons are. But I don’t think this job is for me, even if it pays a lot.

There sure is plenty of demand for part-time food service workers and zero demand for full-time graphic designers... sigh. My journey doing random jobs in 2021 continues.

My brother graduated pharmacy school last week. In our culture, the older sibling’s shoulders is where all the expectations should rest. Maybe in another AU I would feel small and inferior to my younger and more successful sibling. But I don’t feel anything like that. In fact, if he can take care of my parents while I’m trying to figure out my own life, then I’m just more grateful to him. Maybe my parents don’t expect anything of me anymore, which is okay. Either way, my brother and I have each other’s backs.

Berseria I went into it with ZERO expectations because of its infamous predecessor, but I have come out pleasantly surprised. I liked it more than I thought. I’m at the end but I’m not done with the story yet.

I remember expressing my utter confusion about Zesty and everyone was like “play Berseria, it will answer a majority of your questions.” And boy, it did and I’m so glad. I loved all the throwbacks and references and lore that had to do with the previous game. Like, they really had something interesting going on here but it never quite came to fruition last time.

Is it just me, or did it take a very long time to understand all the battle mechanics? Like... I didn’t get the hang of the game until we got to Meirchio. Now I am quite good at playing Rokurou, my main. And it feels way more fun. I usually like mage characters in the old tales games but tbh I wasn’t really into it this time.

After we finish Bersy, we will be moving on to Xillia 2, our final Tales game! Gaius, I’m coming for you.

Xenoblade At the same time, I am also finishing up Xenoblade after spending nearly a year on it. I have weeks where I’m just grinding the side quests to unlock the skill trees. When I’m down, traveling and exploring in this game puts my worries to rest. Really though, the maps are so beautiful... And the music! T_T

This is one of the few games where I like every character pretty much equally, though Dundun and Riki win by just a little bit.

That’s it for now. Thanks for being here!

#diary

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newhologram · 3 years

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I've been doing some thinking and realizing just how far back this all goes. Those of you who know me and my family IRL may have a hard time believing the emotional abuse and gaslighting because whenever you've met them, they seemed fine. They may have even bragged about me to you which made you think that they thought very highly of me. They also may have neglected to inform you that I have been disabled by chronic illness the past 10 years (many of my other family members had no idea until they spoke to me personally. It's... really fucking weird? To just not tell anyone that your offspring is in bed all day in horrible pain and constantly at the doctor/ER?). Unfortunately this is also part of the gaslighting, putting on a persona of parental perfection so that no one believes me when I try to talk about it. Instead people, even within my family, make excuses for the abuse and say that I should just be grateful. Behind closed doors it's always been very different. In the event that me processing this in private spaces gets out to them (which WILL endanger me): This isn't about *~exposing~* or *~revenge~* or *~punishment~*, it's about putting the pieces together and saying, yeah, I'm right to finally put my foot down about the way I have been treated. This is my experience. This is my trauma. I'm finally claiming that after a lifetime of being told that these experiences and my pain around them are apparently "not real" (gaslighting). By talking about this, I am not victimizing myself, but empowering myself. Because none of this treatment was ever my fault. None of it was ever deserved. And none of this is to be blamed on my "response" to abuse. I hope that by talking about this I can paint a picture of the dynamic and inspire investigation into the health of your own family dynamics too. "But they're family" is literally what enables this kind of abuse to continue. And I'm done. My health and survival is more important than upholding a toxic family system. They're learning that the hard way, finally. I don't think my family members are bad people. I truly do love and care for them. They have some amazing qualities. They love animals and they've come a long way to now being LGBTQ+ allies even if they don't always use the right words. But they have a lot of flaws that most likely come from their own trauma... But these aren't just self-contained flaws. Because I am the one who will be undoing the damage for the rest of my life. I don't know if they will ever go to therapy themselves, but I certainly won't be waiting around for them to work on themselves if it means I'm going to continue to be mistreated and re-traumatized. - It's always been this way but things definitely got worse in my home when I became disabled (possibly bc it triggered insecurities in them?). Both parents ignored me to my face all my life. I'd say or ask something, and there'd be no response most of the time. If I said, "hey, I'm talking to you, that's rude" they would blow up at me about "WHAT. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY. I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND OKAY I HAVE MY OWN LIFE". This happened even when I was a literal child. I grew up believing that nothing I had to say was worth hearing and that if they ignored me that it was because I was unimportant and annoying. But if I ignore them or take too long to respond because I'm thinking, they scold me me about being rude, that they are my parents and I need to respect them. My emotions and pain have been invalidated since I was a child too. I would get picked up from afterschool care, or my bully's house, and of course I'd be crying from enduring a day of bullying. I would say, "I didn't do anything to them, it's not fair." And my dad's response was always, "WELL GUESS WHAT LIFE'S NOT FAIR. WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE AN ADULT IN THE REAL WORLD." He has continued to say this to me on a regular basis whenever I am struggling, either with work, friends, relationships, a death, or my chronic illnesses. I wonder why he has never considered my world to be real? Why is my reality not real to him? What

makes that even more painful is that I was still sent day after day to the school where I was bullied, to afterschool care with my bullies, and to my bullies' homes. No matter how much I was always crying when they picked me up, they just kept sending me back. And then a few of my dad's girlfriend's had children who bullied me too. I literally could never escape it. If it wasn't that, his response to me crying about something would be, "YOU HAVE NOTHING TO CRY ABOUT. YOU'RE LIVING THE LIFE OF LUXURY HERE, YOU DON'T PAY RENT! JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE OUT THERE HAVING REAL PROBLEMS!" Again, he said this to me when I was a 24 year old who was suddenly in the span of a year so disabled that I could barely work. I was scared for my future, because I had taken the time to educate myself about my illnesses, and I knew that things were going to be hard for me. What I needed was support, not "tough love" and emotional invalidation. I was also scared of the situation I am in now. I was scared that I was going to be too sick to afford to move out and that by age 30 I would still be stuck at home with a parent who did not see my reality, my pain, as real. I am living that and it's not fun. Whenever I tried to talk to him about this invalidation, it just turned into a fight, because he refuses to admit the things that he said, and says things like "That's a You Problem" which he has said since I was a child in response to him hurting my feelings. I have always thought it was worth the effort to communicate to my loved ones this sort of issue, because that's what I was taught at school. If there's an issue, you talk about it. But my family doesn't believe that I guess. - When I first got sick, I was throwing up a lot. It had built up over several years since I was 19 but then after I was officially diagnosed with my Big 4 (colitis/fibro/ME/narcolepsy) I started having really dangerous vomiting attacks. The first attack I had lasted 6 days. I lost 12lbs. I overheard my dad complaining on the phone to a friend that I was keeping him up all night throwing up. I felt so bad for bothering him, I had learned to value his comfort over mine. But after the third day of nonstop vomiting, I told my dad I needed to go to the ER, that something was wrong. He sighed and rolled his eyes and said I didn't need to go. He was so annoyed with me for being sick. I was completely pale. I hadn't eaten anything. I could barely keep water down. I argued but he wouldn't listen. I went back to throwing up, at this point just dry-heaving. A while later I said, "I'm taking myself to the ER." I grabbed my car keys and my dad stopped me. He said, "That's ridiculous, you aren't driving yourself to the ER, I'll do it." But he still wouldn't take me for some reason. I don't know if he just didn't want to pay the copay or what. But I was literally trapped. I tried to fight it and said, "If you're going to take me, then take me. If not, let me take myself." I kept throwing up for three more days before he finally agreed to take me. The ER was packed so I ended up going to urgent care, where the nurse scolded me. She said I really should've gone to the ER after the third day of vomiting. She said that if I had gone a 7th day I could have collapsed. I didn't know how to tell her that I had tried. She asked where my family was and I said my dad had to go to work so he had just dropped me off. She had tears in her eyes and she held my hand. She said, "he should be here with you." THAT is how sick I was. That year, I went to the ER three more times. Each time I would be sobbing and ashamed of myself just for bothering my dad and for him having to pay the copay since I was too sick to earn the money myself. Again, that's how little I had learned to value myself and my health. By my birthday that year, I was suicidal from this shame. A few months later, in the new year, I started having vomiting attacks again. My dad stood over me while I was hunched over the toilet gagging and he said something I will never be able to forget, "You need to snap out of it

because I can't go through this again." He was the victim of my illness. He was the victim of my pain. This year was when my dad told me that he and his gf had been "talking" and that they had decided it was "time for me to be independent". He said they'd even help me find an apartment. I cried and said, "Dad, I'm sick. I've been so sick the past year. How am I supposed to afford even splitting rent with a roommate when I'm in bed in a neckbrace all day long?" and his response was, "But your dad needs his bachelor pad." I couldn't even identify what I was feeling. I was so shocked. Did he really think having the apartment to himself so he could have girls over was more important? But he was always telling me that I was the most important person in his life. I was so confused.

He gave me a time frame to move out and I was terrified. I thought my life was over. But most of all, I thought, "it's not fair to my dad that I'm sick." I thought so little of myself and my pain because that is what I learned as a kid. I blamed myself for not being "strong enough" to power through these debilitating illnesses. I blamed myself for my dad's money troubles. I literally could not live with myself knowing that my dad had to support me. I was so ashamed that I learned to vomit quietly so that he wouldn't notice. I was in a constant state of suicidality for several years after this. And it's no wonder, because year after year my dad has barged into my room to harass me about "it's time to be a Real Adult! It's time for you to Contribute to the household! You need to Make Money! I'm HEMORRHAGING money supporting you! I'm having to use my savings!" and because I was too sick to do this, I felt like a complete failure who did not deserve to live. I was self-harming constantly because I hated myself for "doing this" to my father. He had convinced me that I was the villain. I would start freaking out about money, forcing myself to work even if it meant vomiting literally on set (and almost being sent home bc of it, but I insisted I was fine to work). But I still couldn't make enough to afford my medical expenses. So I would shame-spiral and be suicidal again and then suddenly the story would change. My dad did a complete 180 and said, "Why are you even worried about money? We're doing fine. Even if I didn't have to support you, it wouldn't make that big of a difference in the money that I spend on this household. Don't worry about it." And then as soon as bills were due, he was back to telling me that I needed to make money. Back to saying we spent too much money on food despite me not eating that much. Back to refusing to try shopping somewhere cheaper when I suggested ways to save money. When I brought this up to my therapist back then, she said, "He's giving you mixed messages. Maybe you should bring this up to him so he realizes he's doing it." But when I did bring it up, of course my dad denied doing this and called me ungrateful even as I worked two jobs. When I eventually got a third job (fucking up my health more) to pay off my medical debt, my dad patted my back and told me how proud he was. When I told my therapist that he denied it, she suggested I bring him in so she could help us communicate. When I asked him to come with me to therapy, he got angry and said, "I am NOT going to therapy with you, that is ridiculous." But even with those 3 jobs it still wasn't enough and I was constantly being pulled between "YOU HAVE TO MAKE MONEY RIGHT NOW END OF THE WORLD" and "uhh why are you even worried about money, you need to work your mindset..." When bugged about money I would ask, "What else do you want me to do? I'm working 3 jobs. I'm not hiding money from you. I'm sending you everything that is leftover after I pay my own bills. I've even been buying a lot of my own food, I've been living off ramen and cans of ravioli." And he never had an answer except "just make more money." -- Now to the dynamic I'm currently living in. My dad moved his gf and her dog in without talking to me about it to see if it was going to impact my health. She was only supposed to stay here for maybe 4-5 days while she figured out a new home situation. But when I asked my dad about it in the days leading up to her arrival, suddenly the answer was "oh, she's staying indefinitely." I had no say in it. But we had a talk about what I needed to make this work. I said to my dad that the most important thing was that I have some scheduled quiet time. If I'm recording content or editing audio, I'm going to need quiet that morning so I can get my work done. If I'm resting, I need there to not be shouting or slamming doors happening in the house. He assured me that this was fine and that it'd all be easy for the three of us. The first weekend she was moved in, I let my dad know that I was editing audio that morning and needed

some quiet. He was cheerful and said, "No problem!" I thought wow, this is different. This is nice! This is going to be great for my productivity and health. As soon as I started editing, his gf was blasting music in the kitchen (right next to my room) and they were both laughing and talking loudly just a few steps away from my door. I thought, okay, we talked about this. But I'll just power through. When I was done, I went to my dad and said in a calm manner, "Hey, so this morning I let you know ahead of time that I was editing audio but there was still a ton of music and stuff in the kitchen, so it made it take a lot longer for me." His eyes immediately went dark. He put on an angry parent voice and said, "Okay, I am about to pop. I have enough going on without worrying about making too much noise for you." I said, calmly still, "We talked about this, though, and you assured me it wasn't a problem that I needed this quiet time for editing. So I'm not sure what to do. I'm just letting you know that there was still loud music right next to my room even though we had talked about it." He responded, "Then you need to be more specific because I don't know what you're doing in there." I corrected, "But I told you this morning that I was going to be editing audio and you said it was no problem to have some quiet in the kitchen while I did so." He got more aggressive, "No, you need to be more specific." Again, "I was specific. I told you the time frame that I was going to be editing audio in. You said you understood. I don't know what else to do to fix this other than by openly communicating to you about it." I started crying because--I mean, uhh?? This is gaslighting. I couldn't believe that mere hours after I had specifically told my dad that I was editing audio and that he had assured me it was no problem to have some quiet, that he was accusing me of not telling him what I needed, and that he had not agreed to it or something. Like wtf. He got nastier and blamed me for his stress. But me crying triggered his guilt so he tried to soothe himself by hugging me like he does and I pulled away. I tried to emphasize to him that I'm not just making content for fun. I'm literally trying to make money and contribute to the household like he has told me I need to do for the past 8 years. And when he disrupts my editing process, it just makes it take longer, and it makes it harder for me to earn extra money. His gf was also super rude to me when I tried to be friendly and have a conversation with her. I was telling her about how great it felt to have my sister initiate a conversation about my gender identity and she interrupted me (like she does constantly) to say, "YOU KNOW YOUR SISTER DOESN'T ACTUALLY GIVE A SHIT, RIGHT?" (wtf...) After this, I didn't speak to them for three days. I was feeling the urge to self-harm that whole weekend and all I could do was stay in bed crying after that. I knew if I spoke to them I would just get triggered so I was protecting myself. My dad felt guilty and tried to talk to me in my room. I tried to explain how triggering this whole situation is for me and he said he would do anything to make it easier for me. I had told him what I needed but that he had gaslighted me about it. - This next and last part is going to illustrate the priorities in this household. A few years ago, I started having problems with hives. I spent almost a whole year having very painful breakouts all over my body. It kept me up all night and caused me so much discomfort during the day. I kept telling my dad about it (no response, or annoyed responses), I went to the doctor several times about it (useless ointments), and suffered month after month. I tried so many things, I thought maybe it was bugs, spiders, etc. My asthma was also acting up and I remembered that an ex-neighbor had been suspicious of mold because of their health issues getting better the second they moved out. They had told me back then that we should test for mold. I brought it up to my dad that I had been suffering from this for

long enough and that we should do something about it (mold also makes fibromyalgia and ME way worse). He angrily snapped, "What do you want me to do about it?" I suggested we ask the landlord to mold test the apartment. He refused bc he doesn't like to bother the landlord. I said that I would just order a mold kit myself and he said, "No, let me do it, I'll pick the right one." But he wouldn't even after I kept reminding him. Even after I sent him links to mold kits that we could order. After I got rid of my mattress, my hives got a lot better but I still have issues every now and then. For years I have just lived with this because I couldn't get him to even care about the fact that I was spotted with these big pink hives. When his gf moved in, we had a random rainy day, which seems to have activated the mold. His gf got one tiny little hive and the sniffles. She said to him once, "Hey, I think you have mold in this house." Want to guess what happened after that? You're right. He immediately ordered several mold test kits. I said to my therapist, "How am I supposed to feel about that? Is it really unreasonable, am I really in the wrong to feel hurt by that?" My therapist said, "I mean, I would feel completely invalidated and like I didn't matter." This isn't the first time empathy has been withheld from me obviously (above examples during my flare ups), but sometimes even when it's right in front of him he just can't bring himself to care for some reason. One time a big piece of glass was in my thumb. I said, "Ahhh, glass, help! Glass!" He was eating snacks in the kitchen and just glanced at me, didn't move or say anything. I realized he wasn't going to help, so shaking and bleeding, I managed to pull the glass out with tweezers very painfully. It bled so much and I stood over the sink trying to stop it. My dad just kept eating his snacks, not asking if I was okay or anything, he didn't even look at me. After 5 minutes I still couldn't get the blood to stop and asked my dad if he could help, maybe get me some gauze. He put food in his mouth and sighed, "Just put pressure on it" and walked away. It feels like he's just disgusted with me. I know that he does love me and that he's trying the best he can with all of his mental/emotional/personality flaws but he thinks that just because he puts a roof over my head that he can treat me however he wants and not work on his issues, that it's my fault for being hurt. He thinks that his issues are all on me to learn to endure and it's not right. I know that he resents me for getting in the way of him having a relationship because that's the only message I have gotten since childhood, with every woman he's brought into my home. But in the end his relationships always fall apart because the woman ends up realizing, and stating to him, that he is "emotionally absent". And every time, I comfort my dad through the break up. When he has tried to blame his ex I said once to him that therapy can really help him with his emotional issues and relationships. But he refuses, so. That's on him. But I refuse to believe that I am in the wrong here for saying enough is enough. But he's going to keep trying to make me believe that the problem is just me and my feelings, not his behavior. Nope. Boundary is up. I just have to keep to myself and do what I need to do to stay safe until I can move out. Because I guarantee you he's going to realize he doesn't get enough validation from his gf and then come running back to me as always and then be angry that I'm still holding my boundary strong. I know that this will hurt less as I get distance from it, but I don't like the idea of my pain being my fault when I grew up with this toxic stuff. I'm working so hard to make it hurt less but I can't heal if it keeps happening, so all I can do is back away from what is hurting me instead of being surprised when I'm hurt again. THAT is on me 100%. Hopefully he doesn't grab my desk and slam it against the wall again like in 2014 when I first tried to set this boundary. And of course when he

"apologized" he accused me of "punishing him" by not spending time with him. Jee-zus, dude. Get therapy. I can't be the only one in this family bearing this weight and working on my shit.

#teku #personal #do nut re bagel

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ofsleights · 3 years

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✱ ╱ song joong ki + cis man + he / him / his ━ if you happen to find yourself stuck in tartarus, make sure you don't run into SHIN YO-HAN there. the THIRTY FIVE year old has made quite the reputation for themselves under their alias as HECATERUS, a CAPOREGIME OF DRUG DEALERS AND THIEVES for TITANS. while their enemies often describe them as doctrinaire and quarrelsome, their syndicate would say that they're highbrow and urbane. they DO NOT think that zane was murdered, but they'll be keeping that to themselves for now. ( the gentle click of italian leather shoes announcing his presence, dim lamp light illuminating his office at the early morning hours, dark hues dancing with curiosity and chaos, the windows of luxury vehicles kissed by heavy clouds of steam ).

hi again, everyone ! this took me ... forever to get together, and is probably filled with useless details, but i’m so excited to introduce yohan to everyone. once more, i’m kiva, twenty4, prefer either she / her or they / them pronouns, and i reside in the eastern tz ! also pls don’t roast my pinned JNVCNVC i have a prettier one in my drafts, but i’m saving it for when i bring my second chara hehe. that being said, ‘ yohan, you bastard ! ’ was filmed in front of a live studio audience. 😌

* 🃏 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚃𝙸𝚂𝚃𝙸𝙲𝚂.

name : dr. shin yo-han. nicknames: went by sebastian during his school years, rarely called han. age + date of birth : 35 + june 10th, 1986. moral alignment : lawful evil. gender + pronouns : cis man + he / him / hims. place of birth : carnegie jill, new york. place of residence : tartarus, california. orientation : bisexual biromantic. occupation : caporegime professor of game theory. nationality : korean - american. ethnicity : korean. languages spoken : korean, english, japanese, and conversational spanish.

* 🃏 𝙱𝙸𝙾𝙶𝚁𝙰𝙿𝙷𝚈.

— when one hears the shin family name, they are aware of who they’re about encounter. made up of shin cho - hee and shin jin - hwan, the two were set up for life from the moments they were born, but that doesn’t mean that they didn’t know how to work to get more of what they already had. with the best colleges on their resumés and the amount of money in their bank accounts, it was only a matter of time for them to meet ( even if it was their parents who set up the meeting ).

— they turn out to be a match made in heaven as the couple are both ruthless and cunning, with desires to expand their families fortunes. cho - hee and jin - hwan marry in a lavish ceremony, and not even five years later, they’re moving to new york city to take their companies from strictly europe and asia based to the west. the company grows exponentially within a few short years, and during that time, they have their only child yo-han.

— yohan is a child that fell in line when he was supposed to and was clearly grateful of the life he was able to live. attending the trinity school in new york city, yohan was afforded the best education that money could buy, so it was no surprise that he graduated with high marks. the only downside that he faced was the lack of bonding time that he had with his parents ( as they were often too busy for him ), but when soccer games continuously got missed, dinners were often had alone, or field trip permission slip signatures were forged, yohan easily grasped that he was essentially on his own.

— college acceptances roll out, and yohan goes off to study economics at columbia university. an honors student, yohan does well as he’s expected to, and although they’ve missed most of his life, his parents are able to brag about having their child graduate from one of the ivies. academically, yohan appeases his parents, going on to study economics at stanford for his masters degree and princeton for his phd. during those years, yohan develops an interest in game theory. while he was good at beating anyone in a game of logic, yohan’s immense knowledge is what eventually gets him into trouble.

— while getting his masters, yohan began using said knowledge to start counting cards at casinos. he’ll lose a few hands here and there to make up for his big wins, but of course it doesn’t take long for him to start getting some . . . unwanted attention. forever able to get himself out of trouble with a bit of smooth talking, it works for a while until he gets the attention of the titans. if there was one thing about yohan, he may have been privileged since birth, but he was both book and street smart . . . maybe too much for his good. it was inevitable that yohan’s abilities to get what he wants while charming the pants off others works in his favor.

— by night, yohan was once a lowly thief himself, greedy fingers taking what was needed and executing flawless heists where they were in and out in record time. by day, he was soon a phd student which then turned into having a more . . . legitimate job as a professor of game theory at a local university. through those years of moonlighting, yohan moves up in the ranks, and has now taken over as capo of the drug dealers and thieves. ( this was bad i’m so sorry )

* 🃏 𝙷𝙴𝙰𝙳𝙲𝙰𝙽𝙾𝙽𝚂.

a piece of shit, i’ll be the first to admit it. he’s a one and done kind of man which makes him sound SO bad, but he’s just casual about a lot of things he does in a romantic light.

brash ! straightforward ! will tell you you’re stupid to your face in the form of : ‘ are you dumb ? ’ and he’s not asking.

since his godly alias is hecaterus, basically he’s just really good at sleight of hand ! which is why, it makes sense that he’s good at stealing lol. probably teaches the dealers a thing or two about how to do quick transactions and the like, and is good at well executed heists. five minutes or less is the goal.

at most he probably gets along with his cat the best 💀. the cat doesn’t even have a name they just vibe in his fancy apartment together.

well dressed . . . so well dressed he’ll make you cry ( JOKE ). but in all seriousness, he’s sharply dressed in well tailored suits or at least well tailored button downs and trousers at all times. hair is styled off off his forehead, only ever down at home. not much of a sneakers man unless working out.

probably has a therapist who can’t stand him because he doesn’t open up and answers questions with questions.

* 🃏 𝚆𝙰𝙽𝚃𝙴𝙳.

his heavenly companion. maybe this is kinda silly, but basically one of the strippers that he gets along v well with and idk, they vibe whenever he comes around. usually it’s just to hang out and get a drink or two, he’ll pay them well for literally five minutes of time lol bonus points if they spill him the beans about customers hehe.

damn . . . an ex ! i’m thinking they got really serious and were so into each other but then they could have found out what he does really or they’re from another syndicate so their breakup was really inevitable.

a best friend ! someone who calls him out on his shit and he does vice versa. they get along too well, almost bordering on the line of siblings. they probably bicker like siblings too.

friends with benefits kinda situation. simply put, they’re there for one another when they need to relieve some steam but they also get along really well. someone catching feelings . . . 👀.

crush ? idk, someone who might like him ( for whatever reason ) but it’s too damn oblivious to notice .

of course, connections from the titans ! positive, negative, neutral . . . hand it over ! and i’m down to fill any wanted connections where you could see yohan fitting but pls let’s plot i’ve waited long enough !

#tartarus.intro #i know nothing of casinos / gambling so don't come for me #KNVCJNXVHBCX #this took forever but let's plot friends pls i'll beg 🥺

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disasterinadress97 · 4 years

Text

Dallas Winston Headcannons nobody asked for 🤷🏻‍♀️

Trigger warning ⚠️

A bit of nsfw in there too

Pre Tulsa, life in New York

• His mom was a drug addict and had Bipolar 1 disorder

• He has/had 4 siblings, an older brother (six years older) from his moms previous relationship, older sister (five years older) from his dads past relationship, a twin brother (who was trans ftm) and a little sister (eight years younger than him)

• He was always the one to take care of his mom during her depressive episodes when she wouldn’t leave her bed.

• She often left days-weeks at a time when she was in a manic state

• He practically raises his baby sister, she died when she was four due to cancer

• That was when he decided he hates kids cause they always reminded him of her

• he was always stealing and dealing to get his twin brother anything to help his body dismorphia and feel more comfortable in his body

• His mom often sold his body and his brother’s to her drug dealer when they couldn’t afford drugs (his dad did not know this at the time)

• his dad was actually a good dad till their mom walked out on them when he was 9, that was when he started drinking and abused Dallas because ‘you fuckin look so much like her’

• He was apart of two gangs in New York, one of which was a Drag Queen gang

• The one Queen lived beside him and always heard fighting, she took him under her wing and after his mom left they were practically the ones who raised him and his little sister

• the two older siblings and his twin left a little while after their mom did, that was when he learned you can’t trust anyone

• you bet your ass this boy dressed in drag with his queens, a master with make up, can’t change my mind

• can walk in high heels/‘stripper shoes’ like no other!

• started selling his body to strangers for money after his mom left and his dad started drinking to afford to feed his sister and himself

• His other gang was a bunch of stereotypical big mean, manly gang members

• He started dating a guy from said gang, this guy was hella abusive, controlling and manipulative. Also was twice Dal’s age

• when Dallas left New York he broke up with him and the guy beat the shit out of him and burned him with a poker ‘so you’ll never forget me’

In Tulsa/present?

• has some severe PTSD, also suffers from abandonment issues, anxiety, depression and Bipolar 2 disorder

• Loves him some Rupauls drag race, reminds him of his Queens and how much he misses them

• Acts so tough and mean because In New York he was tough and knew it but was always seen as the ‘little kid’ so going to Tulsa that wasn’t gonna happen again

• first people he came out to about being bi was Mr and Mrs Curtis

• they also found out he was selling his body for rent/food money and that was when they realised how much they care about him

• him and Mrs. Curtis were super close, she was the closest thing he had to a real mom.

• He is actually so soft behind the tough guy act

• cuddles? All the time

• is a total brat sub/bottom don’t @ me

• the gang found out about his Drag Queen past when he accidentally sent pony the wrong photo from his phone ‘you tell them you die!’

• he obviously blabbed

• everyone was shook.

• Johnny was amazed because ‘he’s so tough but so pretty!’

• two bit laughed but lowkey was impressed with Dallys confidence to do that

• Steve was just ‘if it makes him nicer and happier than whateva’

• you already know soda begged him to do his make up let’s ge honest

• Darrel was quiet but was also a good dad and was like ‘as long as it keeps him out of jail we will always love him’

• he was touched but also super embarrassed the gang found out about it, but was thankful they were cool with it

• gang 100% harassed him to wear drag for them Atleast once

• one day dallas brought his make up and shoes over, he did his and soda’s make up and wore his shoes and the gang was shook! ‘How can you walk in those?! So easily??’ ‘He looks prettier than half the girls at school!’

• all the support from the gang!

• Dallas actually reads a lot like pony does but doesn’t talk about it incase he gets made fun of for the books he likes

• is also really smart but plays dumb

• this boy LOVES vampires, they’re his guilty pleasure. We talking the vampire chronicles, the vampire diaries, true blood, he even liked the twilight books but will never tell a soul!

Dating headcanons!

General:

• cuddles all the time

• is very insecure and gets jealous easy

• surprisingly isn’t violent or aggressive when jealous, he’s scared if he is they will leave

• plot twist! Sylvia was actually a beard so Soc’s and other gangs wouldn’t know he’s bi

• they only said she cheated cause she was caught with another dude. The hate and hurt was all an act

• is a brat so will tease his dom in public subtly but so much

• is super clingy

• wants to be together all the time

• always needs reassurance ‘are you sure you’re still happy? Like I didn’t do anything wrong?’ ‘No, babe I love you’. ‘Oh okay, are you sure tho?’ 24/7

Johnny

• always getting Johnny to stay at bucks or his dads when his dad isn’t home so Johnny is safe

• feeding this boy all the time!

• when he hears dal is a bottom Johnny is shook but surpringly into a ‘daddy’ role

• drive in dates whenever they can

• they watch the stars a lot

• when Dallas is super anxious he picks at his nails a lot and Johnny holds his hands to help him feel a bit at ease

• when Dallas is in a manic state Johnny follows him anywhere he goes. Parties, fights, anything. He just wants to make sure he doesn’t get jailed again or hurt

• Johnny highkey loves when Dallas dresses in drag ‘you’re just so confident and hot!’

Steve

• watches while Steve works on his cars, he likes seeing Steve so interested and content

• when either of them fight with their dads they drive around all night and talk. They are both quiet about feelings usually but wanna be there for each other

• hangs around the DX while Steve and soda work

• both don’t say a lot normally but are always touching each other

• when Dallas is in a depressive episode Steve will come to bucks and just lay with him for hours

• They talk about both their moms walking out on them sometimes. They both swear if they ever met these women there would be hell to pay ‘how could she abandon this beautiful person?’

Soda

• all the spooning you could ask for

• Dallas is always complimenting him. ‘You’re so pretty wtf’

• on the anniversary of sodas parents death Dallas buys him flowers and they go to their graves

• when Dallas doesn’t answer his phone Soda highkey panics ‘what if he’s hurt?! What if he’s in jail ahain?’

• Dallas always feels bad about this and tries to make it up to him

• soda is always reminding Dallas he’s not alone and he loves him

• when soda really misses his mom Dallas and him talk about some of their favourite memories with her. Soda is still sad but it makes him a little happier knowing how much she cared about him and the one he loves so much

Two bit

• jokes 24/7

• when the gang isn’t around Dallas only calls him Keith or babe

• two doesn’t usually like his name but when Dallas says it he hates it a little less every time

• two bits mom wasn’t a fan of Dallas at first but after a while and gets to know him she loves him so much ‘mom I’m home’ ‘where is dallas’ ‘idk’ ‘tell him to come over I’m making his favourite dish’

• when two bit gets jealous or feels Dallas is he always puts his arm around his waist or kissing him so the person gets the hint

• twos little sister looks up to their relationship a lot and loves how happy her brother is

• two doesn’t stop drinking but slows down on it when Dallas mentions once it worries him sometimes

• Dallas and twos little sister get close really fast. Dallas is always giving her advice and one day brings her some old make up of his and she loves it!

• two doesn’t understand why dallas seems a little sad after times like these until one day dallas tells him about his little sister and how two should spend more time with her, ‘just in case something happens. I don’t want you to regret anything like I do’

• two makes a point to spend more time together the three of them after that

Pony

• they read together sometimes

• Dallas will go to literally any movie if pony is interested

• picks pony up from school everyday

• if Dallas gets arrested you know pony is lecturing him for Atleast a half hour. Dallas just sits there with heart eyes because ‘damn I missed this pain in my ass’

• dates at the Dingo are their Friday night ritual

• they both have terrible nightmares and are always cuddling and comforting eachother after

• Dallas is always saying little things to pony about his relationship with Darrel ‘I know he’s on your case all the time but it’s cause he means well’. Dallas then tells pony about his brothers and sister and how he wishes he could live with them and see them like pony can with Darrel

• pony and dar still fight sometimes after this but never in front of Dallas

Darrel

• they don’t go out a lot for dates but like to watch their favourite shows together (they kick the gang out for a few hours on these nights)

• Darrel brings out the brat in Dallas 24/7 and he teases him all the time until Darrel gets to a point he just looks at him and with a deep voice ‘bedroom now’ and Dallas practically trips over his own feet running to the room

• they are not quiet either! The gang sees them go in Dar’s room and they all groan and leave ASAP

• the gang found out about them when the gang came over and heard Dallas call out ‘daddy!’ And never let him live it down ‘how’s it going daddy’s boy’ ‘I will literally kill you two bitch’

• Darrel never celebrates his birthday after his parents die and Dallas puts an end to that so fast. He goes all out, flowers, presents, sexy time. Anything he can do

• always sitting on Darrel’s lap, clinging to him, hugging. All of it. He’s just amazed and thankful he has such a strong and beautiful bf who loves him

• dar once let dallas do make up on him and Darrel borderline didn’t like how good he looked in it

• Dallas got him to experiment in drag and Darrel felt hella empowered. Now they dress up together sometimes. But dar says only Dallas is allowed to see him like that

• this makes dal feel extra special and close to dar and he loves it

Tim

• sarcastism never stops

• Tim is quiet but really protective, he can say whatever he wants about Dallas but once someone says one bad thing they best be ready to square up

• patching eachother up after fights al the time

• they be kinky bitches man!

• after a nightmare Dallas told Tim a little bit about his ex and it took dallas an hour to talk him out of going to New York to kill this man

• Dallas does strip teases for Tim in his stripper shoes on special occasions.

• Tim didn’t tease him for his make up or anything, he actually found it real pretty on him

• Tim never lets him stay at his own place or bucks after they get together.

• Tim is Demi sexual

• Dallas heard his ex was released out of prison and has a sever panic attack. Tim was right there reassuring him ‘babe I’m right here. No ones gonna hurt you’.

• dals mom comes to town and Tim got Angela and her friends to give her a ‘Tulsa greeting’. Needless to say she left as soon as she came

This was so long and horrible I’m sorry

Special thanks to @sunlitcigars for helping with some ideas and encouraging me to post these

#dallas winston #outsiders #headcanon #dallyboy #jally #steve/dallas #dalbit #twobit #sodapop #darrel curtis #steve randle #sodapop curtis #johnny cade #mental health #ptsd #new york #tulsa #the outsiders #they trash im sorry

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filmbefore · 3 years

Text

MEET THE JEON FAMILY !!

mr. and mrs. jeon are two of the most reputation - obsessed people in the state of maryland . neither of them were born into wealth of any kind , but yearned for the luxuries and renown that came with multiple zeros in your bank account . both parents tried a multitude of business ventures and failed many times over , more often leaving the family in even more debt than they started with . they both tried to instill these success and infamy driven values in their three children , seeing their kids as even more routes to their familial success . but when their kids were anything but perfect , it just drove a wedge in their relationship . long story short this whole family has been in their flop era since day one .

ARTHUR JEON : FATHER

arthur has always held the kids at an arms distance , never wanting them to get to close . this was only made easier by the older man constantly playing a balancing act between the multiple jobs he would hold at once . when he was younger , he tried his hand at all kinds of odd jobs here and there , saving up enough money to marry his long term girlfriend . however , when their first child was born , both he and mrs. jeon decided that they needed a more steady income for their growing family . so , mr jeon took out a loan and decided to open a restaurant ! and you guessed it ! it failed within the first year . and that was just the start of all the bankruptcy that would follow their family for the foreseeable future . but arthur jeon is a shifty lil guy who has always been able to pull on people’s heartstrings and make a quick buck here and there when necessary . of course , having violet , one of the most naive people on earth , as a daughter was really useful for arthur . he had always been able to make violet believe anything he told her , even as she got much older . which is exactly how he manipulated his daughter into being their connection to a drug ring , ship drugs out to grayson , and keep his affairs a secret . violet also learned how to victimize herself through this man ! like , any time she would catch him doing something less than respectable , arthur would pull that “ oh i am just the worst dad ever . i have never been good to you , vv . you deserve better ” which would then put her in the situation of comforting him ,, which is when he would be like “ violet , i know you care for our family . if you tell anyone , everything as you know it will change . you wouldn’t do that right ? ” and suddenly she’s blackmailing the woman he slept with to keep their family together smh Men ..

CLARE JEON : MOTHER

clare jeon is the final boss when it comes to perfectionism ! she has been the one who has always wanted to keep up appearances so that her kids and her family were never seen as ‘ being without ’ because it would reflect poorly on her and her skills as a mother . with one new credit card after the next and money that they should have been using to pay the bank back , clare would constantly buy her kids clothes with money that they didn’t have and drive the nicest car she could afford when driving the kids to school . her standards for her kids were unreasonably high and she was not afraid to let them know when they disappointed her by simply not being the perfect image she had in her head . and unfortunately , violet lived to try and reach her mother’s impossible standards , coming up short every time . after all , the girl had a chronic case of middle kid syndrome and was frequently the butt of her mother’s internalized misogyny . even when grayson was acting up , it seemed as though clare would prefer to deal with his screw ups than give violet the time of day for her newest swim trophy . maybe that was all in violet’s head , but it still left lasting effects on her self esteem .

GRAYSON JEON : OLDER BROTHER

( DRUGS TW ) these two were thick as thieves growing up . they were only a few years apart in age and the little girl idolized her older brother . grayson almost acted as a loving parent for violet and their younger brother , ben . with the way their parents treated all of them , grayson knew that his younger siblings needed someone to just be there for them and appreciate their accomplishments . even when grayson began getting older and getting into trouble , violet turned a blind eye to the situation , choosing instead to enjoy their time together before he would go away to college someday . however , once grayson began doing drugs more and more often , violet began to distance herself from him in order to make herself look better to their parents . she hoped that if she began to treat him like their parents did , that they would respect her for being so mature for her age ! that didn’t happen . and suddenly , grayson was leaving for an indefinitely long trip to europe . and that’s basically where their relationship went down the mf drain because then violet became her family’s liaison between the ,, shh ,, cartel and grayson away in europe , just causing his drug problems to get worse and worse instead of helping him like a sister should . all because her dad lied to her ,, again ,, and said that him staying out there is what was best for grayson and what was best for their family as a whole . but now grayson is in the elites and violet is Scared as fuck because she knows she absolutely fucked him over !! anyway !!!!!!!!

BENJAMIN “ BEN ” JEON : YOUNGER BROTHER

violet has pretty much always babied ben because he was has always been her little baby ! he has always been a lot more quiet and skittish than his older siblings . think : charlie from the perks of being a wallflower . he’s very emotional and more than a little awkward around other people . he also has that typical jeon kid mentality of wanting to impress his parents so fucking bad , but he hasn’t really grown out of it like grayson and violet have since moving out . he’s still a senior in high school and dealing with his parents’ shit every day . but now he’s alone with them , making it ten times worse . he tries to call violet almost every day , just to be able to talk to someone since he doesn’t really have friends at school . but most of the time , he can only call violet when he’s driving home from school now since their parents won’t talk to violet anymore and would probably be angry as fuck if they found out he was talking to her still . idk bro the boy just can’t wait to go to college and get out of his parents’ house . sweet , sweet kid . love u ben

GORDON “ GOOSE ” TELLER : HONORABLE MENTION

( DRUGS TW ) okay i couldn’t NOT mention goose in violet’s family task because this man truly is like family to her . bennie covered most of it in their family task for goose , but i just gotta dive in some more from lil vi’s perspective . violet and goose probably met when she was around 12-13 ish ??? because he and grayson met at boarding school . and because goose was always kinda ,,, uh ,, iffy about his home life , grayson would invite him to come spend the summer fucking around in annapolis with him . he was very much like My Older Brother’s Best Friend in violet’s life , in the way that he would kinda pick on her and bug her but really and truly goose just reminds violet so much of some of the best summers of her childhood . she just remembers giving our gemini king a lil late bday party sometime in the middle of june . violet would probably bake a goose a strawberry cake with sprinkles all over it and some odd number of candles stuck here and there . she also remembers riding in the back of her parents’ car with goose and grayson up front , playing some music that their parents would probably kill them for listening to so loudly with the windows down . she remembers her , grayson , goose , and ben sitting on the curb outside of 7-Eleven drinking their free slurpees . god literally just so many memories i could go on and on and on . but like bennie explained in their task , violet and goose obviously did not remain very close after grayson disappeared to europe . especially since violet could pretty much assume where her older brother’s drug habits originated . she has always kind of held some sort of contempt for goose because of that . even now . she will never tell him that , but she has always wondered if things would be different if goose and grayson had never met . she and goose still got close at yale though after realizing that they are the closest thing that either of them had to family when all this blackmailer shit started . idk i just love them a lot

#elitetasks002 #𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐓 / tasks .

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