#but also just like. fuckin get off the internet dude you get into deep shit every week.. go see a counselor or something. get a pr team.

[mebbrrr]

I skimmed through the thread and im not super sure about it. Like i agree 100% with what you said about him being weird with minors and making boundry breaking 'jokes' but im just not quite on board with some of the things they stated. Mainly just that tgey say skeppy knows and thats why hes not friends with dream, cos if he did exactly what the thread is saying then why would skeppy never say anything when dream blew up, or at any point in the last year. Plus some wording just feels off, saying "should i make an exposed video", shit like "gay dream stans" stuff like that just doesnt feel like they genuinly care and are just fuckin around, its not a situation you would joke about ya know. Sorry for the long ask but ive just seen this kind of situation so many times over the years, even though i dont like the guy people shouldnt fake this stuff.

YEP YEP exactly the way i feel

#asks #the bullshit tag #like its. uncomfortable and weird and if he cant interact with minors correctly then he shouldnt at all.. but the thread is just. kinda bare #on the grooming accusation specifically #not to say it 100% isnt true bc i obviously cant confirm that but. my general opinion is that he should like #just fuckin steer clear of being around minors bc he Clearly cannot act the right way around them. #but also just like. fuckin get off the internet dude you get into deep shit every week.. go see a counselor or something. get a pr team. #grooming mention

[slytherinsnekxvii]

let's talk about severus snape. he's one of the most controversial characters the internet has to offer, with several blogs, channels and pages dedicated specifically to hating him, despite him having one of the most—if not the most—intriguing character arcs the series has to offer. so, as a result of me coming across far too many of said blogs, channels or pages, here's an extremely detailed explanation of why i like him and think he's easily one of my favourite characters :)

1. he's not that bad of a teacher.

just so you know, i'm a teenage girl fresh out of high school. so, my experience with teachers? still keeps me up at night :)

my family is pretty strict about religion. you can guess what that means. anything that was magic-adjacent, especially something that, god forbid, had an entire school dedicated to witchcraft and wizardry was a hard no if i wanted to have any sort of freedom over the media i paid attention to, and any opportunity to go about my life without being monitored to make sure i wasn't suddenly possessed or something. thanks to this, i ended up secretly reading the philosopher's stone in my last year of primary school. i would've been 11 at the time, just about to turn 12, so a little bit older than harry and co. going on what i'd heard from those who had already read the series, i went in expecting to absolutely despise this man. i went in expecting to read a demon. i finished the book and came out thinking... that really wasn't that bad.

my mom found out, so i didn't get to read the rest of the series until i ended up on the executive committee for my school's book club and my friends were appalled that i'd only read the first book. at this point, i'm still expecting him to get worse and... he just doesn't. when i was in primary school, i had multiple teachers break wooden meter-long rulers across my classmates' backs. the first time it happened, i was in infant year 2 (about 6/7 years old). i had teachers who would insult us, based on anything from hygiene to behaviour to intelligence if you looked at them wrong. my sister (who was three years ahead of me) had a teacher who kept her in hours after school was over because the teacher had a written a note in her workbook upside down, and when my sister corrected her, the teacher made her rewrite it, turning the book each time the note was written so it would never be done the correct way.

in secondary school, i had teachers who would actively humiliate us in front of the class if we didn't do as well as they wanted. i had teachers who would throw markers and whiteboard erasers at us if we did something they didn't like during class. i had a teacher who looked for a friend of mine who was petrified of attention and then mercilessly picked on her until she went to the bathrooms to cry. these are the kinds of teachers that i was used to. so, when i read harry potter and read snape, who would have probably been one of the nicer teachers i met in my lifetime, i thought to myself, he's really not that bad. he's just... strict.

antis claim that he traumatised every kid that ever went through his class, that he straight up abused them and... no. he didn't. all of them are comfortable talking back, they talk during his class, no one trembles when he walks past, except for neville, who usually bore the brunt of snape's anger because he was consistently messing up in a potentially lethal class.

after school, i hated the thought of formal education, so now i'm working until i feel ready to do university. coincidentally, one of my jobs is teaching maths and english to kids writing the end of primary and secondary school exams. given the sheer amount of annoyance i feel sometimes, i actually respect him for not being more harsh with them, especially when they're all running off into danger or exploding cauldrons.

he really isn't that bad of a teacher, and we know this, since his classes' owl results are said to be consistently good.

plus, he was written in the 90's when all this was okay behaviour for teachers. hell, compared to some of the teachers in text, given that he goes out of his way to make sure the students are always protected, he's a lot better than most people give him credit for.

2. i relate to him.

come on, the man grew up to be a dramatic, queer-coded, petty bitch who wears all black all the time and likely has at least one mental disorder. i'm a petty, emo bisexual with (actually diagnosed, don't worry) depression and anxiety and I'm in a theatre group. what did you really expect from me?

on a serious note, both of the schools i went to were considered "prestigious". i got into my primary school because of a teacher's recommendation (she was a family friend). the second school i got into was because i scored ridiculously high on the placement test that would determine which school i went to. in primary school, i was the poor, really awkward, really smart kid who got left out of everything, and my best friend was the only kid who was worse off than me.

in secondary school, i was just as smart as everyone else... but i was still poorer, and still more awkward and still got left out of everything.

i got that isolated feeling, that feeling of not being good enough, that feeling where life always seems to have it out for you and that's even though i still got dealt a better hand than snape ever did. so, i get it. i'm never ever going to have it as bad as he did, but i acknowledge what he went through and i sympathise, because i have a chance, but it only ever got worse for him.

3. i genuinely enjoy his character.

this dude went through absolute hell for basically his entire life. the best years he had were probably when he was neck-deep in the group of people who hated witches and wizards like him, but somehow managed to treat him better than the good guys.

all of that, and he still manages to be one of the most entertaining motherfuckers in the whole series, with one of the most interesting character arcs ever. it's the witty lines, the sheer dynamic of his character, the change from the twitchy, hypervigilant kid from the slums to the adult that managed to spy on the Dark Lord himself and save the wizarding world in the process, while still being a hot mess of a person. it's the managing to get shit done while everybody hated him and everything was going to hell. it's the everything, and i haven't even talked about how badass he is.

come on, potions prodigy turned master, exemplary duellist (cough, cough, winning 4-on-1 vs McGonagall, Flitwick, Sprout and Slughorn, and leaving a scratch on nobody, while managing to not take a single hit himself, cough, cough), spellcrafter, spy and one of the only wizards to ever figure out unaided flight. dark arts master, proficient at healing (dumbledore would've been dead a lot sooner, if it weren't for him, most likely). he's one of the most powerful wizards of his time. i've said that any universe where he's actually a bad guy—or just legitimately loyal to the death eaters—is a universe where voldemort wins and this is why. if he was motivated by literally anything other than lily, the wizarding world was more than likely fucked.

the point is, i just think he's neat.

4. spite.

every time i appreciate snape, a snater feels like someone is walking over their grave. every time i appreciate snape, a snater turns blue out of sheer rage. every time i appreciate snape, a snater loses their mind looking for their non-existent reading comprehension.

the spite in my veins is tempered only by the broth of instant ramen and ungodly amounts of sugar, and i'm going to use them all in my mission to cause antis pain when they refuse to acknowledge their lack of critical thinking and analysis skills.

so, yeah. why do i actually like snape?

tl;dr: he's not that bad. for a teacher written in the 90's and compared to teachers i've had within the decade, the guy's just strict. sure, he's a dick (who i personally think is hilarious), but he always makes sure the students are safe and he didn't leave any lasting effect on any of the students. he's really not that bad of a teacher. and hell, he's not even that bad of a person. i fully admit that he was an asshole and i entirely believe he was prone to self-destructive behaviour, but he still tried to atone for his mistakes and he did, is the thing, even though the odds were stacked more or less completely against him. i like him because he entertains me, and because i relate to him, as a teen who went through some shit and probably would have joined up with some bad people if it weren't for my friends and family, and as a teacher who really can't stand my students sometimes. i also like him because it irritates people who don't like him :)

also, istg if any of you respond to this with "bUt hE was ObseSsED with LiLY and just WAnTEd to FUCK hEr," i'm crawling into your bedroom window with the most unrealistic, mangled interpretations of your favourite characters and making sure they haunt you in your dreams. meet me in the fuckin' pit, babe. reread the series, actually think about it and come with receipts that aren't Voldemort, because i don't think you want to have the same opinion as the character who canonically doesn't understand love, now, do you, sweetheart? when you do that, then, and only then, will i consider entertaining your bullshit :)

that's about it from me, thanks for reading!

#severus snape #pro snape #why do people like snape? #i can't speak for anybody else but here's me #i probably left something out since i haven't written a good essay since my literature exam #but it's fine #let me like my chaotic bastard son in peace please #snape #snapedom

[wherevermyway]

why can’t we drink forever? (1/2) // minsung // 18+

one: i will only complicate you series navigation: [desktop] [mobile]

⚠ POTENTIAL TW: READ WITH CAUTION! ⚠ pairing: lee minho x han jisung rating: explicit! 18+ warnings/tags: creator chose not to use archive warnings, explicit sexual content past character death, alcohol abuse/alcoholism, depression, edgy cynical depressed jisung, ambiguous/open ending. word count: 5,883 also on AO3

originally posted: 20 january 2021

After being arrested for driving under the influence, Jisung learns that money can buy his way out of jail time, but it can’t buy his way out of his feelings.

disclaimer: this is a work of fiction! any reference to persons in this work of fiction are purely coincidental. the characters referenced from Stray Kids are  interpretations loosely based on their personalities in the group and do  not represent the real people behind the personas. if this, or any of  the content included in the warnings above make you uncomfortable,  please stop reading now.

“I don’t know how things got this way, Sungie, baby. I’m worried about you.”

A sarcastic huff leaves the lips of the young man seated in the passenger seat of a sleek, new all-white Audi. He kicks his feet up on the dash, earning a frown from the middle-aged woman driving the vehicle. The young blonde stares out the window as he fumbles around his hoodie pocket. Out comes a white pack of Marlboro Gold cigarettes and an engraved silver lighter.

“You and me both, ma,” he tuts as he pops a white cigarette up from the pack into his mouth, flicking the dial of his lighter as he takes in a deep breath. He jams a finger down on the window button, the crisp winter air blowing the grey cloud around, the acrid scent of burnt tobacco filling the car. “Guess if we knew the answer to that, I wouldn’t be in the car now, huh?”

“Maybe you’d have gotten into a better university,” his mother sighs as she shakes her head.

A devious smirk curls up on the young man’s mouth as he brings the cigarette up to his lips again, taking a long drag. He knows better than to verbally respond with a cynical quip.

Maybe I’d be fuckin’ dead.

Alcoholics Anonymous sounded like a cult following: a twelve-step programme where all of its members had to follow a strict code, be mentored by a sponsor, and thank some bullshit deity to be given a new chance every day. “Every day is a new chance,” the cult leader would say at the beginning of every meeting. “May God grant us the serenity…”

“I’m Jisung, and the courts told me I’m an alcoholic, so I guess I’m an alcoholic,” the artificial blonde shrugged his shoulders, the ghost of burnt coffee still dancing on his tongue as he spoke.

The mindless cult drones spouted off a casual “hi, Jisung,” in monotonous, unenthusiastic unity as the young man sat down.

“How did you get here?” The meeting’s leader was relentless in prodding the young man. “You’re not obligated to tell us, of course,” which was a boldfaced lie, “but acknowledging your problems might help your recovery.”

Jisung brought the styrofoam cup full of lukewarm, acrid coffee to his lips and took a long sip. He winced at the taste and pursed his lips as he made eye contact with the leader. “I was abducted by aliens, man, now I’m here. Shit was crazy.”

The leader frowned, ready to interrupt Jisung.

“Nah,” the young man kicked his feet out from under the metal fold-up chair, flipping his hood over his head with his free hand. “I got drunk, went out to get more booze, then hit a tree on the way back and the cops pulled me over since my headlight was out. The internet wasn’t lying when they said all cops are fuckin’ bastards.” His quip earned a laugh from a few younger members, whereas several of the older people shook their heads in frustration.

“Please,” the leader sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “let’s refrain from political commentary. Thank you for your,” there’s a pause as the leader clears his throat, “for your candor, Jisung. Now that we’ve introduced all of our new attendees, why don’t we move along with the next step in the meeting?”

The meeting was pointless, all of the same shit that Jisung had read about in the fliers that were handed to him with his sentencing. He had to endure twelve months of this, but it wasn’t like he was doing much else with his life, anyways. Jisung poured the last of the disgusting coffee from the cardboard takeaway box into his cup, then tossed the box into the large rubbish bin at the end of the table. One last cup of free shitty coffee before he left; it would pair nicely with the cigarette he so desperately craved.

“Hey!” A bright voice came up behind him and Jisung rolled his eyes at the way optimism dripped from the trill. He slowly turned around, taking a sip of the cold coffee in his cup. A young man with neon pink hair, probably the same age as Jisung, smiled widely as he stuck his hand out. “I’m Felix, nice to see someone here that’s about my age.”

Jisung gingerly accepted the hand and shook it twice before quickly sticking his hand back into his pocket. “Charmed. How long are you stuck here for?”

“Oh!” Felix shook his head, smile still wide on his face as he pensively looked down to his shoes. “I’m not here for… well, I’m a psychology major.”

Of course he was.

Felix tucked his hands into his jacket pockets and tapped his foot twice as he continued to smile at Jisung. “I’m also new here and was hoping I could make friends.”

Jisung shook his head, reaching into his hoodie pocket for his pack of cigarettes and familiar silver lighter. “I’m not a good influence. Don’t think I’d make good friends with someone so… nice.” He meandered a white cigarette out of the packet with a single hand, then tucked it behind his ear, lighter still tucked into his palm. “No offence, dude.”

The smile finally fell from the pink-haired man, who quickly pulled his hands from his pockets, “wait, wait!”

Jisung cocked an eyebrow at the man, biting his tongue as he felt the clawing at the back of his head, his synapses screaming a plea for him to get a hit of more nicotine.

“I don’t wanna sound desperate,” Felix ran his bottom lip under his teeth as he looked around nervously, “I just really wanna talk with someone that’s so different than me. I’ll even buy you dinner or something from the diner down the street.”

As insulting as the words ‘so different than me’ came off to Jisung, desperation was a bad look for anyone. “You got a car?” Felix nodded twice, biting his lip as he stared at Jisung. “Lead the way, psycho student Felix.”

Felix’s eyes went wide and his bright smile came back, beaming brighter than before. “It’s psychology, not psycho.”

The blonde rolled his eyes as he plucked the cigarette from behind his ear and tucked it in between his teeth. “I know what I said.”

The food at the diner was mediocre at best: rubbery scrambled eggs and burgers made from frozen patties that were likely a concoction of rejected organ meat slurry and textured vegetable protein. It was cheap, but it was always good. Rich in comfort, lacking in quality: the antithesis to Jisung’s life.

Jisung hadn’t been here in two years, not since his friend turned on-again, off-again boyfriend Changbin left for university, halfway across the country. This was the place they’d come to at three in the morning after hitting up a house party, where they would drunkenly curl up with each other and swap kisses that tasted like stale beer and watery coffee.

This was the place where Changbin broke up with Jisung for the final time, Changbin citing that they wouldn’t be able to stay in contact much anymore. However, he hadn’t told Jisung that he was sleeping with someone that graduated a couple years prior and was conveniently attending the same university as him.

That night tasted like vodka and strawberry soda, the latter of which Jisung never let grace his tastebuds again.

The blonde scowled down at his orange juice, watching the ring light above their table shimmer and ripple in the liquid. He hadn’t heard from Changbin in two years, and he was as bitter about it as the black, burnt edges of the hashbrowns that stuck to his plate.

“You okay?” Felix poked his fries with a fork, bringing one to his lips as he scanned Jisung’s expression.

“Are any of us okay, psycho student?”

Felix furrowed his brows and set his fork down against his plate, chewing on the crinkled french fry a bit before he swallowed. He folded his hands together and rested his chin against the interlaced fingers. “No, like,” he shrugged, eyes shifting around a bit, “I mean it. You seem kinda distant.”

Jisung rolled his eyes up to meet Felix’s and he cocked his eyebrow. He was starting to regret tagging along with this kid he barely knew, feeling like this was less of a potential friendship and more like a therapy session. “You don’t know me, man.”

“No, but I know people.”

“You’re a sophomore psychology student, dude. You don’t know shit.”

The pink-haired man sighed, back thudding against the plasticky booth. “I guess you’re right about that. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to know, though.”

“Your funeral, then.” Jisung followed suit, leaning up against the booth with a bit more tact, swinging his arm around the wood frame. “I had my first sip of alcohol when I was thirteen. Got bored when my parents fucked off to Italy on some shitty trip without me.”

Felix tilted his head up like a dog, suddenly alive with renewed interest.

“They’re only parents in blood and title.” Jisung looked down at the table, scratching inanely at a chip in the pale green linoleum. “I was raised by nannies and tutors until I was fifteen. Most parents would probably panic when they leave the house, coming back to an empty liquor cabinet. My parents? Nah, they just restocked it and told me not to drink too much at once.”

“That’s,” Felix’s voice trailed off as he looked away, milling over the new information.

“It’s fucked,” Jisung finished the sentence, then brought the plastic cup of orange juice to his mouth and took a long sip. He set the cup back down and pulled up the sleeve covering his left arm, presenting the flesh over the table. Felix visibly recoiled as he eyed dozens of scarred lines littered across the skin, some marks still relatively fresh. “Their response to this? ‘We’ll get you into therapy and you won’t do this again.’ It was always the best money could buy, but their money didn’t do shit to my brain.” He shuffled the cloth over his arm again, ignoring the look of pity Felix offered him.

“If money could buy them a better son, they would’ve traded me out, like upgrading a car on a lease.”

Felix stumbled over his words a bit as Jisung rifled through his pockets, pulling out his phone and his wallet. “You still wanna make friends with someone like me?”

It took a moment, but Felix tentatively nodded his head. “Doesn’t sound like you have many friends to begin with,” he nervously sputtered out.

Jisung cocked his head to the side and licked his teeth as he smiled. “I don’t do friends. But life’s full of surprises. Anyway, gimme your phone so we can swap contact info.”

They exchanged phone numbers and Jisung dropped a couple of bills on the table. “Don’t worry about it,” he said as soon as Felix opened his mouth to protest, “you’re a university student and I’ve got my shitty parents’ cash to burn.”

“I’ll see you next week?” Felix questioned as Jisung stepped out of his shoddy 2003 Toyota Camry.

Jisung nodded once, tipping his index and middle fingers off of his forehead. “You got it. Thanks for the ride, mate.” He slammed the door with a fake smile that faded as soon as he turned around. Sure, Felix was the antithesis of everything Jisung was, but he could prove to be a source of entertainment over the next year.

Despite being cynical and vehemently anti-religion, Jisung always said a quiet prayer to himself as he opened the door, hoping his parents weren’t home when he arrived. Today, it seemed like luck was on his side: his mother’s keys weren’t on the key rack, and his father had yet to return from some bullshit ‘business trip’ off in China. Perhaps it was Morocco or Norway; they all blurred together in a haze of indifference. All Jisung was sure of was the fact that his father had probably taken one of his mistresses away to some foreign country he was pretending to secure a business deal in.

“Everyone’s favourite fuck-up is home!” Jisung shouted in the empty vestibule, his voice echoing against the cold walls. He didn’t expect a response, so when he was greeted with a comfortable silence, he smiled to himself. He kicked his shoes off and unceremoniously tossed them into the corner by the key rack.

His heavy, heel-first footsteps echoed as he made his way towards the kitchen, pulling a bottle of wine out of a glass display cooler as he padded towards the main refrigerator. He pulled out a box of takeaway Indian curry from the night prior, setting both the box and the bottle on the marble kitchen island, shuffling his feet towards a drawer. He retrieved a fork and a wine key, tossing them onto the countertop as he pulled out his phone, pack of cigarettes, and his lighter.

Jisung opened the bottle of wine as he sat down on a stool next to the counter, tossing the cork towards the rubbish bin, shrugging as he missed. That was a problem for later, and he didn’t feel like dealing with it now. Completely ignoring the takeaway carton, Jisung grabbed the wine bottle, then took a long guzzle directly from it. He winced a bit as the flavour of fermented floral grapes perfumed his mouth with a sharp, sickly rotten scent. The bottle clattered loudly against the marble, the echoing reminding Jisung of just how alone he was in such a large house.

“Fuck it,” he muttered, bringing his phone up in front of his face, scrolling through one of his playlists until he found the right song. With a few taps, some Drake came through the kitchen speakers. Jisung turned up the volume to near max, his head subconsciously moving to the beat of “In My Feelings”. He took a cigarette from the pack on the table and lit it, the tip turning from paper and plant to a red, ashy ember as he inhaled.

Was he allowed to smoke in the house? Of course not.

Did Jisung give a shit? Absolutely not.

A text message popped up as Jisung aimlessly scrolled through his various notifications. He opened it, barely scanning through the entire message from his mother until his eyes stopped on a blue phone number. His eyes narrowed, poring over the entire message. “A coworker of mine offered to be a sponsor for you: Lee Minho. He’s a few years older than you, but he’s nice. Here’s his number, please reach out to him.”

Jisung sarcastically scoffed, locking his phone as he placed it back on the countertop, swapping it for the bottle of wine. He took a drag off of his cigarette, then took another long swig from the bottle. “We admit we’re powerless to alcohol,” he mutters the first step under his breath as he slams the bottle down on the counter.

“Maybe I don’t fucking care.”

Jisung woke up on the couch to the sound of heels clacking against the hardwood floor just before eight in the morning, his fingers jostling an empty bottle of scotch on the floor as he brought his hands to his face.

“Get cleaned up, please.” His mother’s voice was accompanied by bright spotlights suddenly shining directly on his face. “I’ve invited Minho over to meet with you.”

“I didn’t ask you to.” Jisung’s voice was low and gravelly, groaning as he sat upright. The world spun, his body carried by the false inertia his mind had created.

His mother trotted off to the kitchen, shouting over her shoulder. “I know you didn’t. I did it because I care about you, Sungie.”

The blonde rubbed his clammy hands against his face again, attempting to wipe the sleepiness from his eyes. He grabbed his phone off of the floor, then wobbled his way upright, the living room spinning around him in a familiar sense of uneasiness.

“You don’t give a shit about anyone but yourself,” he muttered under his breath.

Somehow, Jisung managed to make his way upstairs to his room, stripping an article of clothing off with each lazy step from his bedroom door towards his personal washroom. By the time he got to the glass enclosure of the shower, he was totally stripped bare. Jisung distantly stared at his reflection in the floor-to-ceiling mirror, a gaunt and ashy doppelganger staring back at him with a pained, empty look on his face.

Instead of stepping into the shower, Jisung approached the mirror, subconsciously bringing his hands to touch his flushed face. His cheekbones were more prominent now than they were earlier in the year, dark circles painted in broad strokes under his eyes. His gaze trailed down the scars he had inflicted on his arms and on his thighs, reminders of the failed attempts to take his own life that he was now forced to carry with him, wearing each line and mark as a badge of shame.

A warm tear rolled down his face as it contorted into an expression of terror and hurt, before he took his fist and crashed it into the mirror in front of him, a spiderweb of the impact left behind in the cracked glass as he pulled his bloodied knuckles away. Some glass shattered to the floor, some still wedged in the gaps between his fingers, and Jisung stared at the crack that split his reflection into several fragments.

How he was still alive was beyond him.

“Mrs. Han, please,” a lilted, unfamiliar laugh travelled up the staircase as Jisung slowly made his way down towards the first floor. He squinted at the noise that caused his head to throb, realizing that someone unknown speaking to his mother, likely the Minho she had mentioned earlier. With each step he took towards the drawing room, the voice got louder, each staccatoed laugh more pronounced.

“Jisung, come sit,” his mother said, replacing the genuine smile on her face with a fake, ‘Vaseline-on-the-teeth’ smile. She motioned towards the empty space on the couch, opposite from the young brunette that turned around.

Jisung met his eyes and it suddenly felt like his surroundings cracked and shattered around him, like the mirror upstairs. Rich brown eyes glistened behind the black and gold browline glasses that rested against the bridge of his nose. Rose-tinted lips curled upwards in a shy smile, revealing large, rabbit-like front teeth that rested softly against his bottom lip.

“Hi,” the stranger said with a gentle wave, “I’m Minho. Resident biochemist at the pharmaceutical company your mother works for.”

As Jisung made his way over to the open spot on the couch, he squinted, refusing to break eye contact with the strange invader. It felt like he was a wild animal on display, about to be poked and prodded by zookeeper staff or by scientists in some sort of underground, off-the-books laboratory. It would fit, after all, since the man was some sort of scientist.

“I’ll let you be,” Jisung’s mother says, rising to her feet. “Maybe you should tell Minho about your little misstep last night, hmm?”

Jisung rolled his tongue over his bottom lip and shook his head sarcastically. “Go enjoy your overfilled glass of wine at nine-fucking-thirty, ma. I’ll be here spilling my guts to a stranger that gives more of a shit about me than you.” Minho winced and his expression fell from cheerful to shocked.

The men stared at each other, Jisung’s gaze layered with arrogance, and Minho’s heavy with awkward discomfort. “So,” the younger man kicked his feet up onto the coffee table, pulling a pack of cigarettes and his trusted lighter from his sweatshirt pocket, hoping to wrap up the conversation as soon as possible. “I know you work with my mother, you’re an alcoholic, and your name’s Minho.” As quickly as Jisung could take in a breath, the cigarette between his teeth was lit, and he was glaring at the intruder through the grey haze that came between them. Their eyes met again, Jisung growing more and more wary by the second. “Why should I pick you as my sponsor, when I feel like you’re just gonna snitch to my mother?”

Minho’s jaw looked like it was clenched too tight, his bottom eyelids squinted upwards as he studied the younger man in front of him. They watched each other, eyeing each micromovement the other’s face made. About halfway through Jisung’s cigarette, Minho finally broke the uncomfortable eye contact, and took a deep breath. “I’m not asking for you to trust me, or to spill your life story,” he shifted, sitting upright, “but for you to see me as a mentor when things get hard and you want to dampen your feelings with alcohol. I’ve been there, Jisung.”

Indignation washed over the younger man’s face, quickly replaced by a familiar wave of arrogance. Jisung shook his head, ashing his cigarette directly onto the floor. “Doubt it,” he tutted, licking his teeth as he nodded his head, staring at the ring on Minho’s finger. He smirked to himself, then turned his head away and up towards the ceiling. “Looks like you’ve got someone that loves you. I don’t know what that feels like; never have, never will.”

The elder chewed on his bottom lip, clenching his fist as his eyes subconsciously scanned the ring on his finger. “Had.”

“What?” Jisung turned his head back towards Minho with a look of disgust on his face, ashes falling from his cigarette.

The brunette sighed, leaning further into the couch, nervously running his thumb over his balled up fingers. “He’s the reason I turned to drinking, to fill the void he left in my heart when he died.”

Shit.

For the first time in ages, Jisung felt a slight pang of regret twinge in his abdomen.

Minho swallowed hard, almost as if he were holding back his emotions. “We were married for five years, together since high school. You’d think I would’ve known the signs, but Chan was so good at hiding things, hiding his pain from everyone.”

The ember in Jisung’s cigarette died out as he found himself enraptured in Minho’s story.

Chan was Minho’s high school sweetheart. They started dating their sophomore year of high school, both attended the same university, and they got married when they were twenty. To Minho, Chan was everything. They supported each other, making the other man stronger and gave them a reason to go on.

Minho had no idea that Chan was severely depressed, holding his true feelings to his heart. Not long after Minho’s twenty-fifth birthday, Chan disappeared, only leaving a journal behind. It had started off with an apology, that if Minho found his journal, that it was too late to save him and that Chan had simply given up. On nearly every page, Chan reiterated that it wasn’t Minho’s fault, that Chan was just too far gone beyond repair, that Minho had given him a new lease on life, but it wasn’t enough.

Exactly three weeks after Chan had gone missing, police were on the doorstep of their shared home.

“Dental records,” Minho whispered, his eyes distant and glazed over as he lost himself in the memory. “That’s how they knew it was Chan. I don’t remember much after that, but I thought that I could find the answer to why Chan took his own life at the bottom of a bottle.”

Jisung’s grip on the arm of the couch was so tight, his knuckles had turned white and they were starting to ache.

“Several bottles,” Minho continued, “several bottles and several near-death experiences waking up in the hospital later, and I still hadn’t figured out the answer. I figured that maybe I’d see him again if I drank enough. Now,” he folded his arms, tucking his chin into his chest, “I’ve accepted that I’ll never know the answer to that question, that I need to live on for him. If there’s an afterlife, maybe I’ll get to ask him myself. Until then, though,” Minho rolled his teary eyes up to meet Jisung’s uncomfortable gaze, “I just want to atone for not doing enough before. I want to help others that are hurting, you know?”

They continued to stare at each other for what felt like hours, until Jisung finally shook his head. His voice cracked as he tried to speak. “Sorry,” his apology was shockingly sincere, “I guess I spoke before I thought.”

Minho awkwardly smirked, dismissively waving his hand in between them. “Don’t worry about it. I just wanted you to know that I’ve been at rock bottom and that there’s a way up and out, as long as you’re willing to put in the effort.”

Maybe Jisung was willing to give Minho a try.

At first, Jisung agreed to meet with Minho once a week after the mandatory AA meeting he attended. It took seven visits spanning seven weeks before Jisung eventually opened up about the neglect he faced from both of his parents, the emptiness he felt from being raised by nannies, feeling like money was more important than his own life.

Ten weeks in, they started hanging out on the weekends. Their relationship shifted from mentorship to friendship, and it was somewhat a relief that Jisung finally had someone he could trust enough to call his friend.

Week fourteen was when things started to shift further. Jisung hadn’t consumed alcohol in eight weeks, and things were clearing up, slowly but surely. He had been meeting with Felix more and more, too — maybe they weren’t quite friends yet, but Jisung was at least trying.

Things were looking up for the first time in Jisung’s life.

At week sixteen, Jisung stayed over at Minho’s apartment, convincing him that he needed to watch Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood. The blonde had vehemently pressed that it was, quite possibly, one of the best series of all time, animated or otherwise. After some gentle pressure, Minho finally caved, and they sat on his couch, diving into the show and into some mediocre takeaways.

They had gotten through the first three episodes and Minho finally relented that, yes, it was a good show and that, yes, Jisung was right.

“I knew you’d like it, dude,” Jisung snickered, playfully poking at Minho’s chest. The corner of his lips tugged upward into a crooked smile, and he wore Minho’s seal of approval as some sort of badge of honour.

The brunette turned away, softly smiling into his shoulder as a rush of crimson started to tint his face. “You’ve got me trying all sorts of new things, Ji,” Minho rubbed the back of his neck for a moment before he flashed his teeth at the younger man. “So much for me being the mentor here, huh?”

Jisung sucked his bottom lip in between his teeth at the nickname, trying to ignore the warmth blossoming up his face. He tried to stumble out some sort of response, but he caught himself getting lost in the way that the overhead lights shimmered in Minho’s eyes, highlighting the soft amber and warm bursts of hazelnut that erupted around his pupils. His expression started to falter, and he felt a familiar rush of excitement bloom in his chest, causing his nerves to come to life all around his body.

He remembered that this was how it felt right before he shared his first drunken kiss with Changbin, but something about this felt different. Perhaps it was the fact that Jisung was completely sober, but he desperately wanted Minho to kiss him, to want him back. However, Jisung wasn’t sure if it would have been a good idea, pondering over if Minho was really ready to start a new relationship, especially with someone he was supposed to be mentoring.

“Something on your mind?” Minho’s voice was soft as it gently guided Jisung back to the moment. “You’re kinda spacing out on me.”

“No, no,” Jisung stumbled around the words he wasn’t sure he could say, suddenly distracted by the television in the background. “I guess I was just thinking about the show.”

Minho’s head tilted to the side, concurrently lifting his brow in confusion. “You guess?”

Jisung waved his hand in between them and readjusted his posture so he was further away from Minho. “Yeah, I mean, I’ve seen it so many times, but it’s one of those shows that you watch and you see something new each time and—”

Warm fingers were suddenly on the side of Jisung’s face, pulling him back into Minho’s space. “You’re a terrible liar.” The voice was soft, yet assertive; low, but so loud. Jisung’s eyes went wide as Minho’s apartment blurred around him, his vision suddenly taken over by the sight of the brunette’s face right up next to his. In front of him.

Before Jisung could process what was happening, he was subconsciously pressing his lips into Minho’s, trying to remember exactly how kissing worked. It was years since the last time he had any practice, but it all came back to him as Minho helped guide Jisung’s face with his hands.

Minho’s tongue was soft, warm, and damp as it gently pressed up against Jisung’s lips, wordlessly pleading for entrance. Without letting his mind mill over the fine details and concerns he possibly had, Jisung parted his lips. Timidly, he rolled his tongue around Minho’s, his hands quivering as his fingers scrambled for purchase in Minho’s hair.

Unlike anyone Jisung had kissed before, this felt right, even if there were some uncomfortable grinding of teeth and awkward nose bumping. Within a reasonable amount of time, they slowly became experts at training the way the other wanted to be kissed. As if Minho could read Jisung’s mind, he would interrupt his soft kisses with gentle nips and grazes at Jisung’s bottom lip.

“Please,” Jisung’s voice cracked as Minho pulled his teeth down his bottom lip, “my neck, I…”

Minho swiftly moved his lips from Jisung’s, peppering tiny pecks against his jawline to his ear, stopping to take the blonde’s earlobe into his mouth with his tongue, grazing the tender flesh between his teeth. Jisung’s back involuntarily arched as the grooves of Minho’s teeth pulled at his sensitive skin, the sensation causing his nerves to come to life with an electrical jolt from head to toe.

The brunette chuckled, his warm breath brushing up against the tiny hairs on Jisung’s ear. He said nothing, simply moving down to press a few soft kisses to the skin just below the younger man’s earlobe. Minho’s lips were soft, gentle, only to be quickly replaced by a sudden, harsh bite into the tender flesh.

A yelp, accompanied by uncontrollable twitching, came from Jisung, who was simultaneously melting into Minho, but also pulling away. The elder’s fingers dug into the blonde’s waist, keeping him in the same position, not allowing him to escape. Jisung’s yelp had faded into a whimper, which evolved into a moan as Minho sucked the flesh between his teeth, quickly repeating the process several times in various spots along Jisung’s neck.

The moans were increasing in volume and breathiness, Jisung subconsciously, frantically rutting his pelvis into the couch. Minho must have caught on to this, letting go of Jisung’s waist to ease him down onto the couch. He pressed his lips to Jisung’s again, dancing his fingertips down to the waistband of the younger man, who was completely blissed out.

“Can I help you with this?” Minho’s voice was somehow both soft yet assertive as his palm pressed against Jisung's clothed erection.

Words eluded Jisung, verbal language suddenly turning into complex algebraic equations that didn’t translate from his head to his tongue. Instead, he groaned in affirmation as he hopelessly rolled his hips upward, finding himself pitiful that he was so desperately craving for Minho to just keep fucking touching him.

Things started to blur in a haze of wanton desire. Minho’s hand gently stroked Jisung’s cock, paying special attention to the way that his fingers and palm brushed against the head. Involuntary twitches took over Jisung as he whimpered and mewled, his shoulder blades grinding into the couch. Minho continued to nibble and bite at Jisung’s neck, occasionally whispering words of assurance and praise into his ear.

“You’re doing so well,” as he slowly dragged his hand from the base of Jisung’s cock up to his head.

“I can’t imagine how incredible you would feel around me,” as he gently thumbed the slit, rubbing precum around the sensitive head and causing Jisung to bite the back of his hand as he failed to stifle a cracked moan.

Jisung’s breaths turned erratic and he was nearly convulsing as his body started to twitch. Minho shifted his weight to his knees, slowing his strokes just enough so that he could awkwardly shift one leg off of the couch to position his head in a way he could take Jisung into his mouth.

“What are you—” Jisung started to question, until he found himself losing control of his body as Minho rolled his tongue around his cock. “Fuck, Minho!” He clamped his eyes shut, arching his back upward, hitting the back of Minho’s throat as he convulsed, his orgasm suddenly completely taking over him. “Minho,” he whined and unclenched his fists; “Minho,” he panted and opened his eyes; “Minho.” With one last breath, he was back to reality.

This had to have been the closest thing to heaven that Jisung thought he would ever experience.

Jisung had stayed over at Minho’s that night, too tired to function like a normal human. They slept on the couch together, necks crooned in uncomfortable positions all night long, bodies stiff from the unnatural firmness that Minho’s couch held. The next morning, they chose not to discuss the night prior, but they did exchange some soft kisses, until Jisung protested, mentioning that their morning breath was distracting him from actually enjoying the kiss.

Their weekends continued on like this: spending time watching a couple of episodes of their chosen programme until they got distracted and lost within each other. Nothing progressed further than handjobs, the occasional blowjob, and the one time that they rolled around naked, making out for so long and so intensely that the way they pressed their bodies together caused Jisung to come without any additional stimulation — and, hey, they liked it.

The budding relationship between them was confusing. During the week, Minho acted like the appropriate, wise mentor, with Jisung as his eager pupil. When the weekend came around, however, all bets were off. In everything but title, they were boyfriends for all intents and purposes. Every time Jisung tried to bring it up, Minho would shut down, saying that he wasn’t ready to really think seriously about it yet.

So, Jisung didn’t press. He was sure that their intimate interactions were causing conflicting emotions to arise within Minho, emotions he probably had been ignoring since Chan’s death, trying to shove them down as time went on. Even though he wanted to navigate the full spectrum of sexual experiences with Minho, Jisung remained silent until Minho was ready.

#why can't we drink forever? #skz fics #skz smut #minsung #lee minho x han jisung #han jisung x lee minho #minho x jisung #jisung x minho #wherevermyway

[stina-is-a-punk-rocker]

disney’s ‘the hunchback of notre dame’, early 2000s kid nostalgia, and other midnight musings

“What the fuck, Stina? I thought this was a blog for book reviews!” you say.

“Books, amongst other things. Hence the -ish suffix,” I say. “And all my mediocre ‘reviews’ are hit-or-miss in terms of engagement, so I’m pretty much free to post whatever the fuck I want.”

I toss my head. My hair whacks me in the face.

The first time I watched Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame was been circa 2006, in the ‘movie room’ of my preschool, huddled around a CRT TV with the rest of my five-year-old classmates. Not much about the film particularly stood out to me at the age.

Fast-forward fifteen years later; I’m cooped up in quarantine, hundreds of thousands of miles away from that first viewing. I’m living my best life, rejoicing in my introverted tendencies and having a laugh at the expense of all the suffering extroverts. I haven’t moved from my bed all day, except for the bare necessities, and I’m bingeing YouTube videos. All is well.

I discovered Lindsay Ellis’s channel quite recently- embarrassingly enough, through her videos on Omegaverse and the whole Addison Cain fiasco. I stumbled down the rabbit-hole of her channel, and here I am, a few dozen videos later, and I find her one on this film.

Which, of course, led me to want to re-watch the film, with the eyes and mind (supposedly) of an adult. And it went far beyond and above my expectations.

The film is dark, much darker than the average Disney film of today- not just thematically, but the graphics too. Except for the first parts with the Festival of Fools and the last scene, the rest seems to have a dark filter put over it all. Obviously, given its themes (I’m pulling these out of my arse; I’m a STEM major and I have zero to no knowledge about film) of freedom and equality, acceptance of those different from us, corruption and lust- all that good shit, in other words- you can’t exactly have sunshine and rainbows. But it’s such a stark contrast from what I’ve been accustomed to from Disney; Frozen has Hans about to decapitate Elsa, but the background remains bright and light; Simba sobbing next to Mufasa’s body in The Lion King is heart-wrenching, but a few scenes later, we have an anthropomorphic meerkat-boar duo singing about eating bugs and farting and all that classy stuff, so it’s not as traumatizing.

The themes are a lot more on-the-nose than a lot of other kids’ movies (forgive me if I err, I am aged and forgetful)- cue la Esmeralda saying, “What do they have against people who are different, anyway?”- you get what’s essentially the same ‘accept others regardless of their differences’, ‘prejudice is bad’ morals from, say, Zootopia, but having given the main characters fursuits makes it less obvious than in this movie.

(Or maybe I’m just a dumbass. I have no elaborate notes for this; I’m high on sugar and deprived of sleep so I might be spewing bullshit.)

Admittedly, the resolution is a bit… unrealistic. The citizens of Paris = sheep, essentially; they go from throwing fruit in Quasimodo’s face because the guards started it, to helping defeat them. Maybe there’s something about mob mentality in there, but I find it hard to believe that people who showed up to watch Esmeralda burn to death were suddenly totally cool with not getting what they didn’t pay for. But then again, this is a Disney movie, and you can’t make kids too cynical too early on. Let them have their innocence and ‘people will be with the heroes in times of peril because humanity is inherently good!’ before they realize that humanity kinda fuckin’ sucks.

The characters are some of the most human from those I’ve seen in Disney (other honorable mentions: the main characters of The Emperor’s New Groove, Moana, Tangled, Anna from Frozen). Quasimodo’s the main character (lol DUH, will I ever say anything not obvious?), and he’s so lovable, but not without flaws- he’s biased against gypsies in the beginning because Frollo’s the literal scum of the earth. To borrow from the K-pop fans’ dictionary: UwU he’s so pure!

Esmeralda sparks a bit of controversy because she’s another POC leading lady from a Disney film of the 90’s (a list including Jasmine, and, sigh- Pocahontas) who’s markedly more sexualized than the white Disney princesses. It’s not something I particularly noticed nor cared about until I saw it being brought up- I mean, the woman shows a bit of cleavage and then dances for a couple of seconds- but. I’m just putting that out there.

She’s an empowering heroine without having to belt in in your face (not me making a dig at Naomi Scott’s Jasmine from the Aladdin live action film), and I also love how her role in taking down the Big Bad doesn’t have to do with her ‘power of seduction’ (the scene in the animated Aladdin film where Jasmine kissed Jafar truly traumatized me as a kid).

Phoebus is… well, he exists. Kind of a Regulus Black archetype, but not exactly. The guy on the bad side who turns good and all is forgiven. Well, at least it’s not the ‘her love made him a better man’ trope. And he is a good guy. Even if he did spend a considerable amount of his adult years on the side of the bad guys.

Systemic oppression? Nah, it’s one or two corrupt baddies. But again, it’s a Disney film, we need everything to work out for the good guys in the end.

Let’s get the gargoyles out of the way. To reference Lindsay Ellis’s video (she’s a lot smarter than I am and breaks this down better than I ever could): yes, the comedy’s oft ill-timed and inappropriate… for an adult audience. And the primary demographic of Disney films, especially princess ones (obviously Esmeralda isn’t a princess, nor does she marry into royalty, nor is she included in the group of princesses in the dumpster fire that is Ralph Breaks the Internet, but I had a book imaginatively titled ‘Disney Princess Stories’ as a kid that included Esmeralda’s story alongside Belle’s and Ariel’s, so I’m calling her a princess), are kids. And kids love fart jokes.

Additionally, I have a theory-that-is-not-really-a-theory-but-a-pretty-obvious-thing-that-happens that the gargoyles are figments of Quasimodo’s imagination, and the, at times crass and ridiculous things they say are just the voices in Quasimodo’s head (THIS IS OBVIOUS, STINA, YOU HAVEN’T STUMBLED ACROSS A STARTLING NEW REVELATION); maybe what he imagines normal townspeople to act like.

And then we have Judge Judy Chrissy Teigen Frollo. This dude is the embodiment of pure evil. He’s bigoted and rapey and abusive and one of Disney’s most successful villains- even better than Mother Gothel, who previously held the crown. It’s rare that a villain genuinely terrifies me, especially a cartoon one. Frollo, unlike your typical fairytale antagonist who wants power/fame/fortune/to overthrow Olympus, is far more sinister; driven from deep-rooted hatred instead of plain greed. He’s so much closer to people in positions of power and authority even in the modern world, and that element of reality makes him so much better as an antagonist instead of a literal sheep who hates carnivores (seriously, Disney, enough with the twist villains- they’re not working out).

Also, Hellfire slaps. In fact, the entire soundtrack does.

Speaking about Hellfire, I love the contrast between that and Heaven’s Light; how Esmeralda is viewed by Frollo (an object to possess, “Destroy Esmeralda, and let her taste the fires of hell; or else, let her be mine and mine alone”) as opposed to Quasimodo (someone with free will, “I dare to dream that she might even care for me”).

Another argument brought up, and admittedly one I had as a child was, ‘but if the whole point of the movie is acceptance and love as opposed to lust, why didn’t Quasimodo get the girl?’ Which, years later, I realize is an extremely misogynistic way to look at it. As Princess Jasmine said four years before The Hunchback was released, she is not a prize to be won. Quasimodo is Frollo’s antithesis; he lets Esmeralda choose, and she chose Phoebus. And Quasimodo accepted that, because he is good and kind and sweet and loving. Severus Snape, take note.

On a sidenote, I’m always kind of caught out of left field when the plot in films moves really fast- I’m really not a movie-watching type; I prefer to read, and books usually indicate how much time passes from one main plot point to another, and there are little slice-of-life, filler parts that tie in to character development and moving the plot forward, but at a snail’s pace. So, whenever I’m watching a movie and it’s one important event after another, I usually haven’t had enough of a refractory period to process it.

Let���s pretend that I segued smoothly into the next part of this (already tedious and long drawn out) review.

The Hunchback is the darkest film I’ve ever seen come out from Disney. Re-watching it as an adult made me pause every so often and wonder why the hell I wasn’t traumatized by it as a kid. I mean, the whole movie kicks off with Frollo about to throw an infant down a well. And then there’s that horrifying shot of the stone renditions of the Israelite kings on the church walls. Frollo falls to his death into fire. I mean, good riddance, but still. I guess it’s because the kids’ shows of today are awfully censored and polished so kids don’t have nightmares forevermore.

Update: tried to watch The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2. Exited just as fast as I clicked on it. Disney sequels really ain’t shit (yes, I’m looking at you, Frozen 2).

#the hunchback of notre dame #disney #disney princess #victor hugo #disney movies #esmeralda #quasimodo #phoebus #frollo #frozen #frozen 2 #lion king #movie review #aladdin #lindsey ellis #zootopia #emperors new groove #moana movie #moana #tangled #2000s kids #90s movies #90s kids #90s cartoons #disney renaissance

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Seventy

Word count: 4.1K

Warning(s): explicit language, mentions of drug abuse, explicit sexual content

Tag List: @unknownoblivion  @sinningsixx  @edwardtriggerhandzz  @lemmyjelly  @haileynicoleseavey17  @cierrasixx19  @oskea93  @mgkobsessed  @vamprlestat  @sharon6713  @itsametaphorbriansblog  @miriampraez  @allie-mcginn @xpoisonousrosesx  @rebeccaphillips14  @nicholeh7  @fandomshit6000  @lilmou5ie  @tamedhearts  @divaanya  @kingbouji3 @evrsncnewyork @6ixx6ixx  @ratedrkohardychick91  @floregrohlssard  @oldschoolimagineblog  @thanks2pete  @abaldboi  @swoopygorl @justjodeye @liith-ium  @caos18blog  @ytwahsog  @shamlessobsession @scarecrowmax  @toadspleen @random-internet-user-4471  @solohqrry  @loveofmyloif  @sparxx27  @kaitieskidmore1  @cruecifymesixx  @ijustwanttokiss70srogertaylor  @emmaelizabeth2014 @meetthesixxter  @sixxsixxsexx @sublimeprincesswasteland @arianareirg  @girlnight-terror  @mcnibberachi

@fancywasmyname1  @teller258316  @ggorehorror  @blowinmeupwithherlove  @xrosegoldwolfx  @mylifeisjustafeverdream  @redlipscrystalskies14 @str4nge-haze

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

I excitedly jump up and down, seeing the mass of hair stepping into the hotel lobby.

Stevie’s the first one in and I’m nearly tackling him, hugging him tightly because of how much I’ve missed him.

He’s tightly hanging on to me, letting out a happy sigh before pulling away to look at me.

“You look good, babe. Tired, but good.” He assures me, pinching at the tip of my nose and I smile, kissing his cheek for a second before I’m hugging at Slash as he smiles and says, “hey, Viv.”

I look at Izzy when I pull away from Slash, and he looks me up and down once.

“Viv.” He says to me in greeting.

“Izzy.” I reply.

I’m even excited to see Axl, and he tenses up a little when I hug him, but relaxes and asks, “are you dying or something?” in reference to me hugging him.

“I love you, and I’ve missed you, and I’m being driven insane and being that you’re already batshit, I know you can sympathize.” I tell him.

“Ha. Ha.” He sarcastically lets out but doesn’t go to pull away until I’m good and ready. “Oh, by the way, I’m telling folks in L.A. we’re siblings.”

“Why?” I raise a brow, pulling away.

“So you can also be known as ‘Axl Rose’s sister’ when I get rich and famous.” He grins. “‘Nikki Sixx’s wife’ is losing it’s oomf, ya know?”

“Especially once the D-I-V-O-R-C-E is filed.” I add.

“Exactly. So, I’m making sure you’ll still have a name to drop to help you get stuff for free.”

“Gee, thanks.” I nod, my eyes shifting to Duff.

He’s got the smallest hint of a smile tugging at his lips.

“Hey.” I say to him.

“Hi.” He replies.

“Alright.” Doc’s starting, stepping from the elevator to greet the guys. “Doc McGhee, pleasure to meet you guys, we have a show tonight so you’ve got,” He looks at his watch. “Two hours to get settled in, rest, bend a chick over, whatever. The bus is leaving here at 7:00pm, and no later than that. Got it?” He asks and they all nod. “Okay, here are the itineraries--the guys usually don’t pay these any mind, they just go when we tell them to, but in case you needed it, there it is.” Pieces of paper with the tour schedule on it is handed to them and Stevie smiles widely, nodding his head, showing his excitement for the next month ahead. “I’m going to get a shower, if you have any questions, either ask Viv or ask Fred Saunders, our head of security--Viv knows his number. Here are your room keys, I’ve already got you guys checked in. See you tonight.” He finishes, not giving them the chance to even reply before he’s gone.

“He seems…” Axl starts and I look at him.

“He is.” I reply. “Alright, let’s get you guys settled in.”

Doc got them joined rooms, so Duff’s room was connected to Axl’s, who was connected to Izzy, who was connected to Slash, who was connected to Stevie. At first I thought it was a good idea...

“Was your flight okay?” I ask Duff when we get to his room after helping the guys with their luggage, his hotel room door shutting before he sits his suitcase down by the door before looking around the room.

“Dude, this is nice.” He mumbles, letting out a small sigh as I step to the bathroom, cracking the door.

“Duff?”

“Yeah?” He asks, probably still in awe of the room.

I pull my shorts off, revealing the red, lacy, fabric, before pulling my shirt over my head and look at myself in the mirror.

“Your flight?” I remind him.

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” He tells me. “It was okay. Izzy had an anti anxiety pill so that helped.” 

"Oh." I reply, hearing him sit on the bed and I take my cross off my neck, pulling my hair to one shoulder. "The guys are really excited to see you guys.” I try to start a conversation.

“Is that why they met us in the lobby?” He sarcastically says and I raise a brow.

“They’re still passed out from last night.” I inform him. “So is Tansy.”

“Is she healed up pretty good now?”

“Yeah, she hates her scar but she’s alright.” I add, rubbing my lips together. 

"What are you doing?" I mouth to myself, taking a few heavy breaths before closing my eyes to calm down. 

"Well, a scar on her stomach isn't anything to freak out about. Which I know she's a mod…" he trails off when I step out and lean against the bathroom door frame, his eyes scanning up my body, taking their precious time examining the "D" on my hip bone that's visible through the red-tinted see-through panties.

He seems like his mouth is dry and I smirk, my hips slowly swaying with each step before I reach the foot of the bed and crawl on, causing him to pull himself backwards until he's against the headboard, squeezing his eyes closed.

"Viv." He starts, holding down a moan when I throw my long leg over his hip and straddle him.

"Yes?"

"W-We're right next to Axl, and you're not the quietest, and--oh, shit." He groans as my tongue licks up his neck. 

"Mhmm." I egg him on, pressing a kiss under his ear as his hands go to my waist. 

"You're not very quiet and I don't want him to find out about us." He chokes out, my hands sliding under his shirt to feel at his warm skin before my lips press to his for a moment. 

"But I can't be loud with your cock down my throat." I suggest, grinding the junction of my thighs into the bulge in his pants and he lets out a weak noise.

"Vivian, we can't--" he's cut off by my lips meeting his again, our tongues running against each other, causing him to sigh out.

When we pull away he looks like he's about to break his argument. 

"Please, baby?" I beg. "If I'm too loud you can just turn me over and press my mouth to the mattress. Or choke me." I add and he raises his brows. 

"I can--what?" 

"Besides, I only get loud when I take all of it." I softly let out, grinding against him again.

"Y-You take all of it?" He stutters out, eyes wide. 

"Mhmm, don't you remember? When you pulled me on top and got as deep as you could, and I told you to go deeper, and I took every fucking inch that I you thought wouldn't fit?" I remind him sultrily and he looks like he's about to pass out from holding back.

"That didn't hurt?" He asks me, trying to stay strong as I kiss at his jaw. 

"Kind of, but that's what made me come so fucking hard." I inform him and he clenches his jaw. "Remember what that felt like for me to come all over your--"

"--Vivian, I'm about to have a heart attack." He tells me as if begging for mercy but I'm soaked through my panties and just want to be fucked into oblivion at this point. 

"You haven't missed it?" I whisper, my teeth nipping at this neck. "All hot and wet…" I keep going, taking his hand and moving it to cup at my soaked sex through my panties and he curses under his breath. "I know you've missed cumming in it." I bite at my lip. 

"Holy fuckin--oh my god." He nearly groans when I take my bra off, my hands running over my breasts, rolling my nipples.

"I've always thought you'd want to do it again when you got here." I say, leaning forward to press a kiss to his lips briefly, not fingers lacing through his hair as I add: "I've been fucking myself every night since it first happened, picturing you inside me while I come over and over again, getting the bedsheets all wet…"

His eyes roll in the back of his head as I reach in his pants and slowly move my hand up and down his long shaft, my mouth watering.

"Vivian, you're gonna make me die." He says, running his hand down his face as I take a swipe of his precum and lick it off my finger, making him look completely entranced. "You didn't tell me you were like this or I would have--fuck…" he can't speak when I pull him out of his zipper and spit down on him, using it as lube to continue jacking him off. 

"You would have what?" I ask him innocently, taking my panties off. 

"You can't be too loud." He tries to tell me. 

"I won't." I assure him. 

"Promise?"

"Promise." 

He holds his pinky out and I pull his shirt over his head, giggling as he gets his long, blonde hair out of his face, and holds his pinky back up. 

"Pinky promise? Because if we get caught, I don't want you getting in trouble." He tells me. 

"Pinky promise." I agree, wrapping my pinky with his. 

He goes to kiss me, but the walkie-talkie I left on the bathroom counter goes off, and sounds like Fred says, "six and a half."

"I gotta get that." I tell Duff. 

"You've been talking mad shit over here and then run when I'm ready?" He aggravates me and I give him a quick kiss before crawling to the foot of the bed. "Okay, you can't do that." He tells me, lunging over me, his chest against my back as I fall to the mattress, laughing, his lips kissing to my shoulder blades. "I know what position we're trying toni--"

Axl's door suddenly swings open--which I could have sworn we had locked--to reveal Axl, Steven, Slash and Izzy.

Their eyes are bugged with shock at the sight of us naked, in a compromising position.

"Welp, you bastards owe me forty-five bucks, each." Izzy states to the guys, seeming to be the only one not surprised, as Fred's still over the walkie-talkie, calling for me. 

It was so fucking weird. Axl had a melt down like Duff suspected, and then everyone had to act like they didn't know a damn thing and me and Duff had to act like there wasn't a damn thing to be known.

I hold tight to my crucifix as Nikki, Tommy, Vince and Mick talk with Axl, Stevie, Slash, Izzy and Duff before they're due to go on stage. 

"Hey, after the show you guys wanna see what we can get in to down here?" Tommy invites them. 

"Hell yeah." Stevie's the first one to say. 

"Sounds fine to me." Slash adds. 

Tommy and Nikki wait for Duff to reply, and he smiles at their offer but shakes his head a little. 

"I got things I gotta do." He tells them. "But thanks, though." 

"Of course you've got things to do." Tommy states. "All the pussy you guys are gonna pull in tonight." He explains with a proud smile and I cringe slightly as Axl looks at me. 

"Yeah. All that pussy." He repeats, smugly. 

"Guys, c'mon." Doc motions to them. "You're up." 

"You guys are gonna kill it." Vince encourages them.

"You got this." Tommy adds.

"Don't puke!" Nikki calls to them and I look at him. 

"That was lovely, Sixx." Mick mumbles. 

"What, it was serious advice." He argues. 

I don't say a word, deciding to keep my mouth shut being this is one of the few times we're not screaming at each other.

Halfway through the set, Axl says something that catches Nikki's attention, in particular. 

"I'd like to dedicate this next song to someone very special in my life, who's like the absolute she-devil in disguise." He says to the crowd. "She's the type to kick you in the fucking balls and then ask why you're on the ground, but she kicks anybody else's ass who kicks you in the balls so that makes her a friend to me." He adds, grinning when the fans laugh a little. "Goes out to the hottest chick to be on the cover of Playboy, Mrs. Sixx, Vivian, it's called 'You're Crazy'." 

I see Nikki's jaw rolling, but I can't tell if it's because Axl brought up Playboy, or called me crazy...he'd probably be even more pissed if I told him Axl actually wrote the song with me in mind. 

As Mötley gets ready to take over, Nikki's tugging at my crucifix, pulling it off. 

"What the hell, Nikki?!" I bark at him viciously, but calm down when I see he's just putting it around his own neck. 

"It's a new leg of the tour, Vivian, it's a fucking good luck charm. Chill your fucking tits." 

I don't argue, finding it kind of nice he still wants to wear it, even after everything that's happened between us. 

I should buy him his own as a divorce present. 

Once Guns is off stage, Tansy’s carrying on about Sparkie--who’s apparently got the “flu”, but I know that excuse all too well.

“Last night he just…” She says defeatedly and the guys chug from their water bottles as she tries to speak carefully, that familiar smack slur in her speech. “...He was like, obsessing over that fucking Playboy issue with you in it.” She informs me. “Then fucked up and said ‘Viv’ while I was giving him a blowjob.”

Axl rolls his eyes at the mention of her giving another man a blowjob and I hold back my smug smile at his expression, but he doesn’t say a word. He just continues to be obsessed with her in private and Izzy mumbles about getting something to eat before leaving.

“I woke up to you screaming, ‘she’s not even doing it right’.” I tell her, being that my room is next door to theirs at the hotel. “Is that because I’m not completely showing everything off, or…?”

“I just don’t like my boyfriend lusting after my best friend..” Tansy calmly explains.

“Well, it’s not my fault your slimy boyfriend can’t control himself.” I state, Stevie stepping out of the room to go with Izzy, I’m assuming.

"I'm not arguing, Viv, alright?" Tansy tries to end it here, but I refuse to let her. 

"No, no, you've had plenty to say to Sparkie about it so go ahead and get it all out of your system, Tans." I insist. 

"We’ve got different opinions on it, Viv, and I don’t--”

“--Because you just think I’m trying to compete against you.” I say sharply to her..

“No, in order for you to ‘compete’, you’d have to do what I do, as good as I do it, and you didn’t.”

“Oh, I think I did or else you wouldn’t be as upset over it as you are." I hiss back. 

"Seriously, can you not get into this right now?" Axl asks us, the guys awkwardly keeping their mouths shut, and me and Tansy ignore him. 

"No, Vivian, you're not competing with me, because there's no competition, because this is what I've been doing for a living the past six years. I'm sorry if you regret starting a life with Nikki because you never got to finish school and have your own identity and your own thing going for you--"

"--You think I regret starting my own life?" I ask her in disbelief.

"I think you regret not going to school and being a dancer like you'd planned, because all of us are living the dream we've had since we were kids, except for you, so you feel left behind." She clarifies. 

"Who the hell said I'm left behind? I'm still with you guys, I'm still here." I argue. 

"Yeah, as 'Nikki Sixx's wife' and 'Tansy Lyn's Friend', and that's why you posed because at least your actual name--you as an individual--would finally be on a fucking magazine, the only problem is you don't think it was worth it, now." 

"Girls--" I put my hand up, causing Slash to stop before he starts, and he shakes his head and lets out a breath. 

"--Are you sure I'm the one that thinks being plastered naked in a magazine isn't worth it? Who's the one so strung out she's completely projecting her bullshit on to her friend and belittling her to make herself feel like she's won?"

"Won what?! What's the fucking prize, Vivian?!"

"I'm outta here." Slash mumbles, not wanting to be around the bullshit drama, as I yell back:

"Attention, Tansy! Everybody knows the thing that drives you is attention and how other people view you! You're so jealous at the fact that, for onc, guys aren't focused on sweet, little, travel-sized-bed-bunny, Tansy, that you don't know how to fucking handle it! And modeling with your pussy and tits out isn't worth it to you anymore because, yes you've got money and fame and attention, but you are still so fucking unhappy! You're angry and envious because I'm content with the fact I'm naked in a magazine, and you're so sick with yourself for doing the same thing!"

"Viv, c'mon, now." Duff says lowly as he nudges me to cut it out, but I can't. I'm too pissed. 

"God, Vivian, you are so fucking privileged!" She starts laughing, tears in her eyes and I raise my brows. "I winded up modeling for these nude magazines because me and mama needed the fucking money! I never got my license because we couldn't afford a car for me so what the hell was the point?! Any 'spending' money was put towards pageants and cheer, and when I got the offer I took it and ran with it because I was tired of being fucking broke!" She yells and I roll my jaw. "You, however, did it just because you wanted to! And I know they gave you a lot of money for it and you're scared of Nikki not leaving you enough money to take care of yourself when you guys divorce--and I'm sorry for you, that sucks--but, Vivian, you didn't sign a prenup so half of his shit is going to you, anyway, and being that he's casually had checks of $600,000 chilling in his mailbox before, you're gonna be pretty fucking set for a while without having the extra $40,000! You are so fucking spoiled and you don't even realiz--"

"--I'm sorry, I'm what?!" I scream, taking a step closer to her, causing Axl to get a little closer as well. 

"Viv, seriously, please just leave it alone." Duff begs me and I disregard it as Tansy goes on. 

"You literally went from your dad buying you everything you fucking wanted, to Nikki buying you everything you fucking wanted, and you've never had to lift a finger to get any of it! All you had to do was ask your dad for whatever, and now all you've gotta do is give Nikki a blowjob and the world is yours!" 

"I don't recall asking my dad or Nikki for a fucking scholarship to Juilliard! I don't recall asking neither of them to fill in for me, dancing for eight fucking hours a day--on my fucking toes--for years, or study for me in all my classes so I could have a high GPA to get into a good school! I might not have a 'thing' right now, but I do know what hard work is and if you want to compare dancing and modeling, we sure as hell can because I assure you, Tansy, you're not where you are because you worked your ass off, you're where you are because you fucked all the right people and got to the top!"

"And so did you!" She exclaims, and Duff and Axl are pulling me off of her a few seconds after my nails are going for her throat.

"Fuck off!" Axl screams at me, getting us separated, standing in front of her to guard her as Duff's got my back against him, his long arms having a steel grip around me in case I try to go again. 

Tansy's only got a small, surface scratch over her neck.

"I might have my issues, Vivian, but anytime any of us act batshit crazy and just attack people it's because we're tripping on something and don't know what we're doing! You're so fucked up all on your own without needing anything to bring it out of you!" She yells. 

"I didn't start losing my temper and being 'crazy' until you and Nikki and Tommy and Vince decided to become raging drug addicts and alcoholics and then act like it's still all fun and games when two of you OD at least twice a fucking year!" I shriek back. "And I don't feel left behind, yet, but I will when you junkies finally shoot your last fucking cc, and I'm left to plan fucking funerals!" 

Her face falls at my words, realizing why I'm such a fucking wreck all the time. 

"I don't look at you and think 'model' and I don't look at the guys and think 'Mötley Crüe' because I just see fucked up morons who need help but refuse to fucking accept it, so congratulations, Tansy, at least you found your 'thing', I mean really, I'm so envious that I'm not a sloppy heroin addict, alcoholic, crackhead. You really do win." I finish, getting out of Duff's grasp, leaving and slamming the door behind me. 

"The fuck is your problem, huh?!" Axl barks, following after me and I ignore him, causing him to grab at my arm roughly, stopping me, and I whip around to face him, seeing Duff coming to us. 

"Leave me the fuck alone, Axl." I warn him. 

"Or what? You gonna hit me? I wish to fuck you would, you crazy bitch, I'll have you laid out right here." He cuts back. 

"Axl, man, leave her alone." Duff tells him, trying to pull him away from me but Axl sharply snatches away from him. 

I see Fred coming towards us from the corner of my eye, Slash and Doc following behind him.

Getting the timing perfect, the palm of my hand is smacking as hard as it can against Axl's cheek, and we're being pulled apart before he can hit me back, which I know he's planning on doing. 

“For the love of God, Vivian, can you fucking stay out of a fucking fight just for one fucking night?!” Fred shouts at me, “Girls, Girls, Girls” beginning to play from the stage.

“No, because she’s a fucking psycho!” Axl barks back.

“Oh, I’m the fucking psycho?!” I blare at him.

“Vivian, please calm down.” Doc pleads, rubbing his forehead.

“Suck my clit!” I sneer at him, trying to kick him.

“I’m so close to have you thrown in a psych ward and evaluated!” He’s suddenly outbursting.

“The fuck did you just say?!” Duff’s getting in on it, now, his nostrils flaring at Doc’s comment. “Maybe she’s this out of order because she’s got so much fucking pressure on her from you selfish motherfuckers!”

“You wanna stay on this tour or not, kid?!” Doc snaps at him.

“I’ll go get Nikki off the fucking stage to come handle this shit--you threatening to throw his fucking wife in a crazy house, the fuck is wrong with you?!” Duff keeps on.

“Alright, everybody just calm down!” Fred yells, making everyone go quiet, the many crew members now stopped and watching everything go down. “Duff, Axl, Slash, find Izzy and Steven and stay in your fucking dressing room and eat.” He orders, pointing at the three of them.

Axl’s let go, and he’s shooting me the nastiest glare in the world as he pushes past us, Duff glancing at me, letting out a heavy breath before following him with Slash.

“Doc, go watch the show.” Fred states next.

Doc looks like he’s about to argue.

“Doc. I’m serious.”

He exhales and steps away, turning the corner, and Fred then stares at everyone staring at us.

“The fuck are you cock-suckers looking at?” He asks them.

They nervously fumble about their business and Fred pulls me to the bathroom.

He stares at me when we get inside and I raise my brows at him, expecting him to immediately start in on me, but he surprises me when he stays silent for a while, looking as if he’s trying to figure how to speak, until he finally does...and causes the breath to leave my body completely.

“How long have you been fucking him?”

#nikki sixx #mötley crüe #nikki sixx fanfiction #nikki sixx x oc #gateway drug

[lihikainanea]

All sentimental, reading OG Bill x Tiger like that morning sex piece where she says she wants to be ‘even closer’ when cuddling. Can we PLZ talk about sleepy, romantic cockwarming? Like, they’re too tired from a long day to even indulge in lazy sex- but need SOMETHING. I picture them both being too stubborn to admit that they’re too tired for their usual kind of lovin’ - Bonus points (fuckin hell) if he gets a little desperate with the sleepy whispers “need to be inside you” 🥺💦

LISTEN MAN I am just out here low key trying to get my thoughts into the internet world and here ya’ll are COMING FOR MY LIFE.

Nani, baby, I could talk forever about cockwarming. I could talk for even longer about cockwarming in a subby context. And I could talk for even longer than that about subby tiger, cockwarming, and how Good Dude Bill just makes her feel so loved and safe and comfy.

My train of thought derails splits and ya’ll just gonna HAVE. TO. DEAL.

So like, it’s been A Day for our girl tiger, right? A day full of balls-to-the-wall shit.  I don’t know about any of you guys, but I’m the smallest fucking subbiest thing behind closed doors but in public? On the dating scene? At my job? Get the fuck out of my way before I destroy you and everything you love. I am ruthless. And my job often requires me to be a powerhouse, to go up against men much more influential and powerful than me in every way, and I can’t show an iota of weakness. Not one, because I’ll be fucking eaten alive. 

But the thing is, when I have days that require me to really push it, to really be aggressive and authoritative, Jesus, emotionally and mentally when I get home it pushes me into such a small space. Because I like it when somebody else has control, I like it when I don’t feel like I need to be the one handling everything, and secretly I love it when someone forces me to yield. It’s nice to lose, in that sense. To give up the clutches of control.

In any case, maybe tiger is the same, and she’s had a day full of too many things that made her feel too in control, and now she’s fussy. Having a lot of anxiety about it. And she’s definitely not fussy in a bratty way, she’s not gunning for a punishment and in all reality probably couldn’t handle one anyway, but she’s fussy in a needy, emotional way. She’s really clinging on to him for most of the night but she’s also fidgeting, she’s doing that nervous habit thing where she’s picking at her lip--and when Bill gently reaches to pull her hand away and hold it instead, 30 seconds later she’s bouncing her knee uncontrollably. And when he puts his hand on that to stop it, then she’s scratching at the back of her hand and he can see the first onset of hives start to break out. So when he stops that, she huffs--maybe even gets up, walks away. There’s just so much nervous energy that she’s having a hard time reeling in. She didn’t eat much at dinner, got too warm in the bubble bath he drew for her after to relax, and she wants affection but is also kind of getting annoyed by his touch. He lets her be, he intervenes when he can see her mind getting away on her too much--like when she starts picking her lip again--but otherwise, when she’s this kind of fussy, she needs to be left alone a bit.

And when it’s bed time, Bill goes to get her at the kitchen table where she’s sketching or knitting or whatever, her knee bouncing out of control. He’ll coax her to the bathroom to brush her teeth while he gets her hot water bottle ready, and then they tuck in together. And Bill’s usually a pretty heavy sleeper--and it’s pretty immediate--but he fights it off a bit, because he knows tiger’s going to have trouble sleeping. He curls around her back, tucks her hot water bottle against her stomach, plops a gentle kiss on her ear and then buries his nose in her neck. She’s the one who reaches for his hand, brings it up to her mouth and slides his thumb inside--and he thinks thats a pretty good sign, maybe she’s ready to relax a bit.

But like, you know how nervous energy is palpable in that incredibly annoying way? Have you ever been able to reel in your own anxiety, when you’re around nervous person? (Because if you have, please tell me how.)

Bill knows he needs to fix it for her, but he’s trying to figure out how. But she’s good--man she’s good--and asking for what she wants would be ballsy and courageous in a way she’s tired of being so she’s not about to do that, but she’ll give him a hint. And very subtly, maybe she just knocks her ass back into him a tad--just a tap.

Bill waits.

But then she whines a little, does it again. And at this point Bill’s not sure if it’s actually sex that she wants, or if she wants that...something else that they tried once.

She speaks up before he can guess.

“Do you remember,” she says as she removes his thumb, “That one time that we...”

And Bill’s on it, immediately. He knows what she means, and he doesn’t want her to have to ask for it. So maybe he shimmies out of his boxers, and gently rolls her over onto her stomach. They’ll be more contact for her this way, more closeness, and she loves it when he rests some of his weight on her. He lifts her t-shirt a little bit, reaches his hand between her legs just to make sure she’s ready and--Jesus, she always is. So he slips inside slowly, fills her up, and it’s always really difficult for the first few seconds--because she’s so tight, so wet for him. But he grits his teeth, and usually after a second or two he can get it under control enough. She sighs and goes boneless under him immediately, sinking into the mattress, tucking her arms under her pillow. Bill lies on her back, caging her arms with his, nuzzling his cheek into her soft skin.

“Is this better sweet girl?” he murmurs to her, and she whimpers a little. And listen, I have no doubt--no doubt at all--that tiger falls into a real deep sleep after this. But I also have NO DOUBT AT ALL--that a few hours later, Bill wakes up to her full on grinding on him, working for it. And the angle is so perfect--it’s difficult for her to move the way she needs but it’s real easy for him, so as soon as he’s awake enough and just drives his hips down into her--they’re both coming in no time at all.

BUT THEN ALSO

Listen, Bill tired as fuck alright? Maybe he’s back from somewhere, maybe she’s on set with him somewhere. He’s pulling real late nights so usually when he stumbles back to his hotel tiger is already curled up in bed, asleep. And it’s a real devastating thing when desire and exhaustion are battling, because nobody wins. And Bill wants to bang her brains out but he also just WANTS SLEEP ALWAYS and these days sleep is winning out.

And like, not only are his nights late, but his mornings are fucking early. And maybe this is the first time in a long time that he has a day off the next day. And he’s dead to the world, but maybe he wakes up real early the next morning just because his internal clock says it’s time to wake up. And he’s super drowsy, not fully awake because he also knows he doesn’t have to be. But then like...tiger backs her ass up into him in her sleep, like she sometimes does. And that friction stirred something--still not enough to wake him up, but something. And he can feel her lips pursing round his thumb, rhythmically sucking, And oh god--she smells so good. And he’s so tired, so warm and cuddly, and he’s a big sappy love bug and wants some more closeness with his girl but he’s nowhere near awake or motivated enough for sex. So instead he just burrows that cute little nose further into her neck, maybe rolls his hips into hers.

“Tiger,” he murmurs in her ear and Jesus if she wasn’t wet before, that’ll do it every time. His gravelly, sleepy voice in her ear, deep and raspy, his warm breath on her neck. She stirs a little.

“Please kid,” he whispers, “Can I....?”

And she’s also very much not awake yet so she just rolls her ass into his groin again, purring a little, which is all the confirmation he needs. So he tugs her panties down, pulls his boxers down to just his mid-thigh, and slowly pushes into her. It’s incredible--it’s euphoric and comforting and warm and just everything he needs. He sighs happily, curls around her even more, locks her tighter in his arms. But tiger--listen, she’s good to him, too. And she wants to make sure that he’s getting what he needs, and not just what’s good enough because that’s all he has the energy for. She doesn’t want him to ever go without something he wants or needs.

“Do you want me to do it for you, bud?” she murmurs sleepily to him, and her offer is clear. If he needs a release he can lie back and she’ll get him there, no strings attached. And he will eventually need that but right now....this is all that wants.

“No,” he says softly, “Just you, kid. Just this.”

#sub tiger #soft bill #sleepy bill #bill skarsgard #bill skarsgard drabble #BFF!Bill

[swampgallows]

i got distracted earlier and forgot to post but im thankful for my mutuals who have helped me time and again, even if it’s in ways you may not know. i appreciate you all so much and i am so grateful for the friends i’ve made here and the small but intimate community cultivated through tumblr. 

zbfc and wch, thank you for everything. @zeyan i love you with all my heart and i’m so fucking thankful i could have funny airbnb time with you and @aeiroki grimlock hunterpunter. you make me laugh every single day and i always want the best for you both (and jack!!! and PARKER!!!)

@lokaror thank you for letting me share my love of rexxar and bears with you. we’ve shared a lot of fantastic laughs together, some very fun stuff and some very deep shit too. i treasure every one of our convos together, and your playlists too!

@reglei thankful i finally got to beat you into submission at blizzcon. youre a sweetheart and a sleepyhead. thanks for listening to me ramble late into the night. i appreciate all the times youve had my back, whether it was creepy dudes or spoilers or w/e. you shoulda killed me w gorehowl when you had the chance

I LOVE @amarysue i miss you when you work long hours but i’m always so happy when we get to play games together. i hope you can leave the mcdonalds playplace soon. also i dont get to say it much but i love talking about academic stuff with you. i know i rib you about dark leafy greens but you are very educated in a lot of amazing fields and i love when you share your knowledge with me!!! i love amary!!!!

@theabsolutevoid i know youre the void but youre a golden human being of radiant light. you are so spectacular, we are all always in amazement of your passion and creativity and constant flow of ideas, and your compassion seems boundless. i am so grateful to know such a special person and spent many late nights laughing to tears with you

@perce the dynamic duo... im thankful daygo got me into ladybug so i could hear all of your amazing takes on it as they are equally as hilarious as your wow takes. i admire your resilience, though that might be weird to say, and though i know i’m an old crone youre definitely a role model for me taking command of my own life and establishing boundaries to become the person i want to be. i’m so grateful we got to spend blizzcon together again!! and thank you for getting me the long-forgotten hippogryph. its a very important memory to me.

refugees i know i dont pop in much but i still love you all dearly. im embarrassed actually because you are all functional adults and i’m not but when i get a job and reenter society i want to be able to come back and say i’m a big kid now

thrainosh squad @irenthel @wckhamm etc thank you for letting me indulge my interests without ridicule or judgment. @fitzefitcher i dunno you changed my life SORRY there is not a less fucked up way to say that. no pressure

@sithisis & crew thank you for so many incredible hots games and wonderful memories and all of your sweetness and fun times!!! sith you have inspired and supported so much of my writing and my ideas and i am in awe that you are getting so many amazing opportunities working in games journalism!!! i know theres a lot of grunt work but at the end of the day it seems like youre really doing something you genuinely love (and are good at!!) and i’m so happy for you. you work hard and you deserve it. im love skitty w a gun 

@steblynkaagain your art is such an inspiration to me, and i’m amazed by your cosplay too! i’m thankful that even across language barriers we can enjoy thraina and silly modern AUs together. i am so impressed by your intelligence and achievements. your comic where you pledge yourself to Thrall’s Horde is still so important to me, and every day i think about your mechanic garrosh..... and doctor drek’thar, and doctor thrall, and SHAMAN GARROSH....... (sob)

@captainkaprozyx and @sdei ... i am so thankful for all of your artwork and your amazing gifts. i am working on getting them framed, and your zine was amazing! you are a great team and I love your collaborations. also sdei’s birthday gift is still my discord icon. we just really love a big guy huh....... cannot express how inspiring your artwork is. the detail, the colors... it brings me to tears, i am so stunned. you are both so incredibly talented!

@omnifariousness bro i dont even know where to start. many good dog times and we can strike up the late night jawin again soon i hope. shit has been scattered and i know youve been dippin back n forth on the road but i hope the shit evens out soon for you. excited for you to see tool in feb and damn dude every DAY i think about the reading you treated me to of the 40k stuff for your reel. god man i want that VA shit to work out for you bad. your diction is impeccable and you so deserve it

@darnjam i know you guys dont read this but i love you so much and every day i’m so thankful we’re all still friends. @daygloow thank you for being like the sole source and catalyst for my personal development for like the last 3 years, im so proud of you and everything youve worked so hard to achieve and i’m so glad youre getting the recognition you deserve. thank you for always picking me up (vehicular and emotional) and for watching cartoons n playin vidya with me. god whens the next GOOD rave? i need to make you proud and actually dj so i can play banana

@bluntcrusher every day i’m like god when will king tori take the throne... im so thankful that youre in a good spot finally and that youre getting the love you deserve. and plus a sweet pucci mane. my blogs a mess but im glad youre still stickin around for it haha. always happy to see youre safe and THRIVING

@swarnpert love you dude thank you for lettin me harass you w 420 snaps. bro when you sent me those sabaton snaps i was in line for the haunted mansion at disneyland during blizzcon and it was just like... my heart was so full, it meant so much to me ALSO HOLY SHIT i love your art please NEVER STOP drawing

@nelfs i love your blog and your art and your FEELINGS like I dunno how to word it in a not-weird way. i think you are a very bright person with a good heart, and i’m thankful to know someone like that, even tangentially. it is fortifying also to see someone stand up for the things they love, whether it’s just a cartoon show or something of serious concern like animal welfare. i admire your healthy relationship to yourself and your strong integrity.

@neophyte-redglare i think about bead world garrosh every fucking day of my life. cannot thank you enough. i treasure it

@redpandalori THIS IS THE MVP RIGHT HERE. i dunno when you started sending me floods of kittums but every day i look forward to it and every single one means so much to me. i wear the kandi you handcrafted for me every single day and i show it off constantly to my friends because it’s just mindblowing. you are so sweet and thoughtful and i love sendin you snaps and it’s just incredible how the internet is. thank you for sending me rain snaps and kito & harley/ears & lilith pics all the time

@hungwy i dunno WHAT you get outta my blog but i’m thankful for the reams of sweet animal pics and interesting linguistic and anthropology posts on your blog. you’re a very positive force on my dash and you seem a wonderful person irl too!

@ubersaur im so happy we’re still mutuals after all this time lmao. you were one of the first aces id ever known so we’ll always have that solidarity and i’ll always be thankful. and i have to seriously catch up on magus bride haha. thank you for all of your love and support after all this time, i hope i offer the same to you!!

@18milliondeadplebs the rare and beautiful nexus of my two sole interests... warcraft and raving. dude just thank you for existing man LMAO i hope we can go ravin together some day

@kontextmaschine what a strange long fuckin trip it’s been dude. super surreal to have raved with you and had you come all the way down for burst but i knew i’d be remiss if youd missed it. you definitely deserved a potent taste of the 90s. thank you for the usb sticks, im still waiting on a worthy recipient for the other two. the majority of your blog is practically in hieroglyphics to me but man when the posts hit... they fuckin hit. i know you dont need me to tell you, but youve got a great talent and weirdass fuckin eye. a very very particular eye. love you man. please kiss badger for me.

@ironbull thank you for suffering in wisdom tooth hell with me. i am glad you had a good time at disney world and im hoping we can both be free of all of our tooth woes soon. thank you also for your advice and support in my personal stuff too!!

@kittensceilidh thank you for your sweet messages! every one of your hugs means a lot to me!!! it is nice to feel seen when i am in dark places.

@dimedog warcraft and foggy forests... hell yeah dude

@tim-official man sometimes it really is as simple as just laughing at the same funny shit, but youve reached out to me too and i appreciate it!!!

@peanotbotter thank you for all of the laughs and the kind words! thank you for caring about me, i care about you too!! i hope we can play hots again or wow together soon!!! 

wow this got long but i love a bunch of people. there are more of you that i love and are very special to me and i apologize if i didnt get to you. i hope you all had a nice holiday, if you celebrated. thank you for believing in me

#blathering

[chiawrites]

Being a novice journalist and working as Eddie’s rookie would include;;

** GENDER NEUTRAL UWU **

You both met through Lewis. Obviously. 

You were applying for a job, but considering Lewis knew you from one of the cases he took on back in his reporter days at your college, you didn’t need to do much- just hand him your portfolio and be on your way 

It wasn’t that simple. 

Eddie, in all his glorious self, was sprawled on the office chair, feet propped on his boss’ desk, when you went in

Lewis introduced you to your new mentor-slash-partner, and immediately you recognized him

Squeaking fan noises ensued (“Oh my god you’re internet famous” “I can’t believe I’m meeting you right now, holy shit” “You took down like five corporate companies through your reporting,, dude you’re a legend”)

Not long after the ten minute rant about the few pieces Eddie had done on food market conspiracies, you were both oh-so-generously gifted a case where three people had gone missing. 

Being investigative reporters, (self-proclaimed but still) the two of you decided to go do some digging

You both stayed up all night at the office, neck deep in takeout and case files

It continued like this for a few weeks

You and Eddie became friends pretty quickly 

In the mornings, you were in charge of fuel- you got coffee. Black with three sugars for Eddie, double double for you. Eddie was in charge of sustenance, namely from the doughnut shop he lived extremely close to. 

You despised his motorcycle, only because it wasn’t necessarily a two-seater and you were a little extremely paranoid that you’d tumble off the back and be left behind 

Nonetheless, that bike was kinda sexy, you weren’t gonna lie 

aNYWAYS, 

You refused to be in the shots for his actual videos. A few times he insisted and you awkwardly sat there, pen and pad in hand, staring into the lens like a deer in headlights 

All the same, it was a literal honour to work alongside him 

Conspiracists and skeptics adored him

Not that you were one of them, really, you just thought he was badass 

That is, until the incident with Carlton Drake 

“I don’t understand why we have to pretend like he’s a good guy, Y/N.” “Because we want to keep our jobs.” “But people deserve to know! He’s taking people off the street and killing them. You can’t tell me to act like he’s doing good things for this country.” “Eat your McMuffin and be quiet, I’m not arguing over this.” 

You tried your best to convince him to shut up about the missing persons cases that seemed to be linked with Carlton, but Eddie Brock is NOT a quitter and of course, that led to the both of you being dragged out of the Life Foundation

Which also led to you both losing your jobs. 

He didn’t understand exactly why you had to be let off, cause you kept your mouth shut the entire interview

“They didn’t even do anything! Why the fuck are they getting let go? Lewis, c’mon. I understand kicking me off the crew but Y/L/N doesn’t deserve to be dragged down cause of me.” “Eddie, they’re guilty by association. Carlton wants everyone involved laid off. I can’t control that.” 

Of course, you mocked him for being such a humanitarian for standing up for you, but you felt terrible about it after seeing Anne give back her ring 

The two of you drifted apart. 

Skip to six months later,,

You’d gotten a new job at a TV newscast place, as an assistant/intern 

It wasn’t much, but it paid the rent. 

Oddly enough, you ran into Eddie a few months later in Mrs. Chen’s store. It was the closest convenience store to your apartment, but you’d never seen Eddie around there before. 

(It was definitely not awkward up in this bitch) 

“Hey, Eddie.” “Uh, hey Y/N.” You’d looked at your feet before meeting his eyes once again. “How are you?” You’d asked, with a lot of sympathy, and a touch of pity. He didn’t look like he was doing well, but hey- everyone hits rock bottom, right? “Fine. Fine, yeah- Just searching for another place to work right now, but I’m getting by.” 

Your heart was stuck in your throat. Nostalgia was what you were feeling. 

Slowly, you two started talking again 

Late night movie marathons (that you told yourself were entirely platonic and not at all stay-at-home dates) were your favourite loneliness cures

When Dr. Skirth hit him the fuck up, guess who was there to talk him into trying to do good and check it out 

Cause if she was lying, and there was literally nothing there, what could it hurt? Carlton already made his job go bye-bye and his fiancee too so there’s not much left to take from him

Thanks to you, he literally just went for it 

Its was like 4AM when he did 

Fuckin hell?? That man does NOT sleep 

When it was a decent time for a human being to actually be awake, you called Eddie to see how it went but you were surprised to see the line busy 

(At that point he was at home calling Skirth but uh) 

He usually prioritized your calls so you decided to go and check things out 

Bad idea. 

The door was slightly ajar, and it was a fucking meSS

“Eddie?” You’d called. He was passed out in the tub. 

You tried to shake him awake but he was knocked the fuck out and refused to open his eyes 

Whatever the hell happened there, you refused to mess with it

You swept up a bit of the tater tot fiasco but you were about to be late for work so you bolted 

The next day you were called up by Anne

How the raging frick she got your number was an absolute mystery to you 

Although she could’ve just called your workplace and squeezed it out of the secretary. Anne is a fucking dominatrix, she can get anything if she demands hard enough 

“Y/N?” “That’s me.” “You and Eddie are close, right?” “I guess so?” “Can you come down to the hospital, please?” 

You flipped your shit 

What kind of trouble did that man get himself into this time 

He didn’t, in fact, get himself into anything but the MRI machine, which he proceeded to violently convulse in under your panicked stare 

“Get him out of there. DID YOU HEAR ME? I SAID OUT, NOW.” 

The whole parasite thing scared the shit out of you but making a big deal of it would probably put Eddie under even more stress. 

You took him home

And he just flopped on the couch and stayed there 

Fast forward to the point where he goes AGAIN to the damn hospital, but instead of Anne being Venom’s prey, it’s you. 

Which means the kiss was weirder than it should’ve been but hey,

You enjoyed it more than you’d cared to admit

Luckily after the incident, when Eddie got hired back to do the show, you got hired back too

Which meant you were once again the person behind the camera, and Eddie was the one in front, living his best life 

uwu feel free to add on more in the comments 

#movie canon #venom #Eddie brock #reader insert #Eddie brock headcanons #Eddie brock x reader #venom x reader #Eddie brock x reader headcanons #venom x reader headcanons #uwu #sfw #headcanons #I mean its not completely movie canon but I tried my best??

[pandemicthestory]

6: hooked

Is Isabel in danger?

With her lying there like a drugged out rag doll, it’s hard to tell. Heartbeat, breathing, she’s definitely alive...but then, why can’t she hear Emma? Something’s telling Emma not to touch the headset--no matter what’s going on with Isabel’s body, her mind is in there somewhere. And according to every movie ever, you don’t fuck with the brain. 

Emma scrambles to check out the packaging--no return address. But obviously, she knows who had to have sent this. And he knows about Universe, so he better have answers. 

Emma makes a mad dash to her bedroom. Her dad calls from downstairs.

“Did you get the package?”

“YEAH IT WAS A T-SHIRT”

A t-shirt? What? Her bullshitting skills are slipping. It doesn’t matter, her dad doesn’t actually care anyway, it’s just part of his new “I’m invested” routine. Emma slams her bedroom door behind her, then runs over to her computer. 

EMMA: Mason are you there?? 

EMMA: Hello?

EMMA: I think my sister is in trouble 

EMMA: She stole the headset, she started playing the game, she’s not responding to me, I’m massively freaking out if you can’t tell

EMMA: I’m sorry to ask this but did you...do something?

Who knows what this ghost person is capable of. Whatever connection she and he may or may not have...she doesn’t actually know him at all. 

She waits.  

Oddly, there’s nothing. Hadn’t he just told her about the package fifteen minutes ago? Where could he have gone? Emma slumps down in her chair. 

Why is it that men always disappear when they are needed most?

* * *

24 HOURS EARLIER 

A teenage boy is taking a shower in a minimalistic stall. He bows his head toward the showerhead, the powerful stream sends his wavy black hair in all directions. The boy makes the water hotter. And hotter. The skin on his neck is turning a deep shade of red, but it’s unclear if he can even feel it.

“Night, hurry the hell up. I gotta shower too.” 

The complaining breaks the peace of the showering boy. He turns off the faucet, wraps himself in a pristine white bath towel, and makes way for his roommate to take over. 

“Why d’you shower so much, man? Shit’s creepy.” 

“That’s why I do it, Sugar, to creep you out. Keeps you on your toes.”

Sugar laughs to himself and turns on the shower. The boy called Night stares at himself in the square, chrome mirror. The bathroom looks like it belongs in a very luxurious prison. 

“We getting food before class?” Sugar calls from the shower. 

“Sure, whatever.” Night exits the bathroom into an expansive bedroom with two king-sized beds. The curtains are shut, so the only source of light is a single bulb radiating from the ceiling. Night grabs a pair of deep blue linen pants and a matching button-up shirt from one of the closets and gets dressed. 

This room is pretty clearly divided, one side being far more chaotic than the other. There are desks on either side: one desk is covered in clothes, dirty towels, food wrappers, and an empty fish tank. Oddly, it had never contained a fish. The other desk has only a desktop computer and tiny, struggling plant growing out of a mason jar. This is the desk Night sits down at. He powers on his computer. 

“Yo, you ready?” Sugar calls from inside the bathroom. 

Night groans, then shuts his computer off before it can boot up. “Yeah.” 

Night and Sugar head down a wide staircase that empties into an enormous hall, swimming with other young people wearing the same linen suits that they are. Not all are blue, some are red, a few are green (including Sugar’s), and only a couple of them are black. 

The hall is lined with various food vendors, there’s a range of cuisine--nearly any option imaginable. The counters are fast, so despite the crowd, there are no lines. Everyone pays by tapping their phones. 

“Kinda feeling like a sushi situation today, what d’you think?” Sugar asks, very obviously checking out two girls grabbing soy sauce from the counter. 

“Why are you looking at those girls?”

“Uh, why would I NOT be looking at them? The hell is wrong with you?”

Night says earnestly, “Oh, I get it now that you want to--”

“--ALRIGHT great.” Sugar shakes his head. “Dude, listen. I’m glad we’re roomin’ together. In fact I even like you a lil bit. Not in that way. You know what I mean. Anyway. I think you’re cool. But I also think you’re a damn freak.” 

Night tries not to laugh. “Is that all?”

“Yeah it is. Now let’s get some fuckin maki.” 

* * * 

Night is trying to stay awake in class, but he’s finding it impossible to care about this kid’s presentation on the code he wrote over the weekend. This class simply could not be more boring. Why can’t he be studying something useful? Another language? Or music? These computer skills are just not practical. No one needs them. 

But boredom is not the only reason Night can’t stay awake in class. It’s also because he doesn’t put forth much effort to sleep at night. Once the sun goes down, Night begins to read. Typically not books, but articles on the internet. Hours pass, he scours the web for information, and his pale eyes melt into the screen. 

“Night, wake up.” 

Night opens his eyes and takes a startled breath. He’s alone in the classroom with his teacher. An older woman, dressed in a smart but relaxed white linen suit. She looks disappointed, and slightly concerned.  

“What happened?” 

“You fell asleep. And then class ended. And you still didn’t move. So here we are.”

“I’m sorry. I was just so disinterested in what was going on. I couldn’t bring myself to pay attention, it was boredom that made me pass out.” Night says this very earnestly, unaware that it’s fairly insulting.

Teacher smiles and nods. She knows Night lives on another planet, and she expects things like this. He’s very bright, but also extremely strange. He seems to have a good heart, but it’s also hard to judge hearts since they’re invisible and not actually related to emotion. She keeps an eye on him.  

“I’m a bit worried about you, Night. I want you to graduate the year with enough knowledge to start building.” 

“Eh, well, you shouldn’t worry about me, Teacher. What we learned this week...I taught myself when I was ten.” 

Teacher laughs. He kinda laughs too. 

She asks, “Will you do something for me?”

“I don’t know.”

She takes a deep breath, thinking. 

“I want you to take your presentation very seriously. I want you to “wow” me. Show your classmates how brilliant you are. I know that you can.”

Night stares, thoughtfully. All his life, his actions have been motivated by an internal compass that he cannot understand or explain. He has always done what he wants, has always says what’s on his mind. Often he’s wrong, and sometimes controversial, but the people around him know him well enough to know that he doesn’t mean it. Most people, anyway. 

While people have allowed the tall, starry-eyed ghost boy to wander and act impulsively wherever he goes (because it’s easier not to question it), he still struggles with being abnormal. He wonders if the reason he can’t sleep at night is because nighttime is the only time that he can detach himself from the people around him. When he can be alone, and feel normal, and imagine different ways of living. 

What if he doesn’t want to build next year?

Maybe there’s a way for him to prove that he can contribute something else.

* * * 

It’s evening, the school day is over. 

Back at their room, Sugar tosses his backpack on top of the pile of junk on his desk. He flings himself onto his bed and immediately starts playing an obnoxiously loud game on his phone. Night is on his computer, writing. Sugar calls out, without moving. 

“Man, what are you doing? Homework? It’s Friday dude.” 

“I’m actually writing you a letter about how much I love you.”

Night’s signature deadpan is so dead that it’s undetectable to the naked eye. Sugar chortles and throws a pillow at Night’s head. He ducks. 

“Dear Sugar, I am deeply enchanted by what a crusty slob you are. Piles of garbage are hot. Call me.” 

“Yo you don’t even understand that I legit get that shit all the time. Those girls today were thinking it.” 

“Oh I don’t doubt it.” Night smirks, Sugar laughs. 

“You’re fuckin weird man.” 

Sugar flips over, texting. Night continues to scroll and type, endlessly. He checks the time again and again. Based on the pandemic...on everything that’s going on...he has calculated that it will happen tonight. He sends an email. He taps his fingers.

“Well I’ma go out. Diamond’s havin’ a party or somethin. You in?” 

Night doesn’t look away from the screen. “Nah, you go on ahead. Have fun.”

Sugar playfully caresses Night’s hair. “You want me to tell Diamond you said hello? I’m sure she...”

Night suddenly looks serious. “Please don’t.” Sugar laughs. 

“Chill dude. Peace.” He leaves.

And with perfect timing.

*ping*  

He receives a message. He takes a deep breath. 

So many late nights of reading, studying, preparing. This message is what he’s been waiting for. 

ADMIN_E: How am I supposed to find you if I don’t know who you are?

Night smiles to himself. Sometimes he can’t read people at all. Sometimes he can read them with incredible clarity. Right now, he can already tell that this girl won’t stop until she finds him.  

He chats with her, back and forth. ADMIN_E and GUEST55. 

*buzz* 

Night looks down at his phone, which doesn’t vibrate often... 

“Julian” 

Except when she gets “certain” texts. Shit. Not good timing.

GUEST55: don’t answer that. He can wait 

Emma ignores Julian. Good. Jesus, what does she see in that nightmare of a human? 

Oh no, wait, it seems like she’s getting scared. Night doesn’t want to scare her. That’s not part of the plan. 

ADMIN_E: ok now you’re starting to scare me. What the hell is going on? Are you watching me?

GUEST55: no, no...Emma, I promise i’ll explain everything. Just not yet 

Night truly doesn’t care what any single person thinks of him. He lives in his own world, where the judgments of others don’t exist. So why is it that suddenly, when it comes to a girl he’s never actually met, he’s starting to care? Is that what this is? Well, he just knows that he doesn’t want her to be afraid of him. 

But he doesn’t want to get ahead of himself either... She has the map now. The rest will come. 

GUEST55: I’ll see you soon Emma.

 ADMIN_E: See you, um, well see you

Strangely, he wants her to know his name. Some piece of her. It’s not that he’s afraid of exposing himself…it’s that he won’t just have to explain his own name, but the names of so many others, and so much more...she’ll have to wait. 

He hesitates, looking around the dark room. His eyes land on the glass jar on his desk. Hm. The little plant does look so unnatural in this world.

GUEST55: my name is Mason. I want you to know that.

Mason. Well, it will have to work for now. 

Night signs out. He walks over to the window, completing his nightly ritual of dragging the tall curtains open.

And then the extraordinary moonlight floods the room like a searchlight beam.  

Outside his window, there is a city that looks nothing like any city we’ve ever seen in the natural world. Roads are raised, buildings are holographic, animated advertisements encircle all infrastructure. The moon is enormous, but there is not a single star. 

Night stares up at the dark sky, after which he was named. Maybe soon she’d be staring at the same one.

#writers #write #writer #writers on tumblr #pandemic #coronavirus #short fiction #shortstory #yanovel #yanovels #sciencefiction #scifi #scififantasy #gamergirl #hackergirl

[sam-lives-story]

#SamLives - Chapter 4

“Paranoia”

[Previous|Next]

Also find the latest chapters of this story on [Archive Of Our Own]

It was on Day 11 that Jack got a message from Robin that sent a chill down his spine. He’d been sitting on the couch at the time, watching some Rick and Morty with Sam curled up asleep in his lap. The little eyeball was as comfortable as could be with Jack gently petting his “head”...and that’s when his phone went off.

Robin: Hey Jack...did you have plans for the Egos that I didn’t know about? Lmao

Jack blinked, staring at the screen. He frowned and typed a message back.

Jack: No...? Only what we’ve talked about, but I thought that wasn’t until next month. Why? Robin: Nice job on the editing practice then. Looks like your Anti skills are improving.

And now Jack was very, very confused.

Jack: What are you talking about? Robin: That last recording you sent me, for Subnautica. It looked great!

Jack sat up straighter, making Sam stir from his sleep, but he barely noticed.

Jack: Robin, I didn’t edit that recording at all. I haven’t recorded anything for Anti in ages. Robin: What are you talking about it? I’m watching it right now. Jack: Send it to me?

A few minutes later, Jack was at his computer with Sam on his shoulder, watching the short clip that Robin had sent him, playing it on a loop. That...wasn’t possible. No. What the hell...?

“...heeeey Reefies!” On-screen Jack was saying. “Aww, I love you guys. Be back soon! Alright, heading to the Deep Down Dark Deep Down. Gotta visit my base, visit my lockers, ‘cause I’m a stupid who forgot all the valuable stuff and left it in a place that takes FUCKIN’ FOREVER TO GET TO! Fuuuuck it so muuuuuch! Heheh...” Video-Jack chuckled at his own reference to Simulacra, and it was at that moment that a shadow appeared, glitching, behind him on screen. Just over his shoulder, against the wall. A familiar face grinned from the shadows, and a high-pitched, distorted laugh played in the recording. The video itself glitched, Jack included. Then Video-Jack shivered, glancing over his shoulder, and the figure - Anti - was gone. It was so quick that he wouldn’t have caught it in his brief skim-through of the recorded footage before he sent it to Robin. And it looked just like all those hints he had dropped in his videos during October before Anti had first shown up in “Say Goodbye”.

Except...except Jack hadn’t recorded that. Jack hadn’t done that. Jack hadn’t...made that face, laughed that laugh. He hadn’t done that...and suddenly he felt very, very scared. Then rationality kicked in and he giggled hysterically, running a hand through his hair.

He was being stupid. He was being dramatic. Obviously Robin had edited this, and was making a joke of it. That bit with Anti...it had to be part of the unused footage from a previous project. It had to be. He shook his phone free from his hoodie pocket and tapped out a shaky text.

Jack: Haha, very funny. You got me! I was actually scared there for a second! Jack: You’re such a troll lol

But Robin’s next message didn’t make him feel any better.

Robin: Man I’m not trolling you. I thought you edited that?

Jack could barely keep his hands from shaking as he tried to respond. He swallowed thickly, a dull fear washing over him.

Jack: No, I didn’t. That...I never did that. Unless I’ve learned to edit in my sleep I have no idea how that got into the video

Unless...

“Belief. I’m talking about belief....and how it can do amazing, impossible things...”

The words Mark had spoken to him a few days prior were bouncing around in his head again, echoing and repeating and playing on loop. Mark had been about to tell him something, before the call had ended. Something about belief. Something about Sam, but kind of not. Something that he didn’t get to finish saying because...he swallowed, both hands clutching at his hair as he sank in his desk chair.

Because the call had started to flood with static, and then his phone had shocked him. Which he wasn’t even aware a smartphone could do, not when it was mostly unharmed like Jack’s was.

Another buzz from his phone alerted him to another message from Robin.

Robin: Wait, so you didn’t put that bit with Anti in the other video either?

Jack scrambled to pick up his phone, fumbling with it for a moment.

Jack: What video? Robin: The upload from this morning, the first one. The “Reading Your Comments” video. Robin: You were answering some question about the egos...? I thought you were just messing with the community so I left it in. Robin: But when I saw the second one in the Subnautica recording you sent me I thought I should ask.

Jack rapidly pulled up the video on his computer, scrubbing through it until he found the question Robin was talking about, because he already knew which one it was. He’d responded with something totally off-topic, something unrelated, just to be funny...and sure enough, as Video-Jack was reading the question aloud, there was a little visual distortion. Not much, but if you were looking for it, you’d see it. And way in the background, in the shadows in the corner...a silhouette. Brief. Barely there. A fraction of a second. A few frames, maybe. And it knocked all of Jack’s breath from him.

“Jack? Are you okay?”

Sam had bounced onto the desk, into Jack’s line of sight, and the little eyeball was eyeing him with a look of innocent concern. Jack took a breath. Then another. He forced a smile.

“Y-Yeah. Yeah, o’ course. Fine.”

“You’re scared.”

“...a little,” Jack admitted sheepishly. Sam could always read him, better than anyone. Having a mental link probably had something to do with it. “Sorry bud. I didn’t mean ta scare you.”

“Why are you scared?”

Jack had no answer for him, not really. He couldn’t think of a way to say it. So instead he thought it. He pictured Anti, pictured the videos he’d made with him. And he let his fear seep through...just a little. Enough for Sam to get the idea. And Sam...his pupil widened a little and he squeaked.

“He’s real too?”

“I dunno,” Jack shrugged, sinking further in his seat. He leaned forward, propping his elbow on the desk and burying his face in his hands, reverting to thinking from here on out. ‘I dunno. It sounds stupid, sounds impossible. But...I dunno how else he’s showing up in videos, unless Robin’s lying. And I don’t think he would. Not this far.’

Sam made a worried little noise and nudged Jack’s arm, nuzzling up against his hoodie sleeve. Trying to help. And it did, a little...because Jack managed to smile.

“C’mon, c’mon...” Jack was muttering at his phone and pacing, as though urging it on would somehow will the person on the other end to pick up the phone any faster. It was taking far too long. It was only as he finally heard someone on the line that it occurred to him what time it was in California.

“...h’lo?”

Jack winced, hearing the sleepiness in Mark’s voice, knowing he must have woken him up.

“Mark. Hi. God, sorry, I totally forgot what time it was over there...”

“Yeah, it’s...” There was a rustle of fabric, a muffled grumble. “...three in the fuckin’ morning.”

“Sorry. Shite. I didn’t think, I just called...I can...I can call back later...”

“Woah, wait, no, ‘s cool,” Mark mumbled. There was more movement on the other end, a light clicking on, a door opening and closing. A yawn. “Wassup?”

“...”

And now that he was actually talking to Mark, Jack began to realize how stupid he would sound the minute he opened his mouth.

“...Seán?”

“It’s...nothin’. Nevermind. I shouldn’t’ve called.” The words spilled out of him faster than he could think them, a hand dragging through his already-unkempt hair. Sam made a little noise of question from where he was sitting on the arm of the couch.

“Dude you sound like you saw a ghost.” Jack could hear the worried frown in his words. “Hold up, once sec...”

The call ended abruptly, but as soon as it had gone Jack’s phone was ringing again, this time for a Skype call. Jack sighed and answered it. His screen lit up with the rather sleepy-looking face of Mark, his hair a chaotic mess of bedhead and his mouth pulled down in a worried frown. Jack could only imagine how he looked himself. He’d been running his hands through his hair nonstop since he’d woken up, he’d had four cups of coffee, and he’d been jumping at shadows all morning. Mark blinked.

“Holy shit. You look like hell.”

Jack rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, thanks, I kinda figured that,” he grumbled, looking away for a moment.

“Are you okay? You seem...stressed. I’ve seen it in your videos too...”

Jack let a small, hysterical laugh bubble past his lips.

"I'm fine! Toootally great!” He said sarcastically. “I'm being held together by coffee and redbull and cookies and prayers! What could possibly be wrong?!"

“Jesus.” Mark stared at him like he was nuts. “The hell happened to you?”

And Jack just let out a slow breath, deflating.

“...just...a lot. Recently.”

“Is it Sam still?”

Jack didn’t even feel annoyed this time when Mark mentioned it, just sighing resignedly.

“...sort of. I mean that’s part of it, sure, but...” He trailed off, chewing his lip. Wondering if this was even a good idea in the first place.

“But what?” Mark asked. Jack looked at his screen again to see Mark sitting on a couch now, a soft light illuminating his tired features. Would Mark think he was fretting over nothing? Mark had his own dark persona on the internet, Darkiplier, and Jack was certain he was aware of Antisepticeye. But thinking that Anti was a real, living thing...or whatever Anti’s version of “living” would be...

“Jack?” Mark’s brow furrowed in concern.

“...I...eh...” Jack stared at his screen for another long moment. Then he sighed. “...I’m bein’ paranoid. That’s all.”

“Paranoid about what...?”

“Anti.”

A pause.

“...you mean, like, Evil-You? That Anti?”

“Yeah. That Anti. He...” Another pause, another sigh, a huff of frustration. Jack, running his hands through his hair for the umpteenth time. “...he’s shown up in a few o’ my videos, an’ I didn’t put ‘im there. I didn’t record stuff for it. I didn’t tell Robin to do it, an’ Robin claims he thought I was editing it like that. And I keep...I keep thinking he’s right behind me, right over my shoulder. And I started thinkin’ about what you were saying about “belief” before and I started to think it might be possible and I wanted to call you and ask and – you...probably think I’m absolutely off my rocker.” Jack flopped back onto the couch, his head thunking back against the wall behind it. He closed his eyes, expression strained. God, he sounded insane. Sam slipped off the armrest to snuggle up in Jack’s lap, out of sight of the camera. Trying to make him feel better.

“...would you call me crazy if I said I believed you?”

And just like that, Jack’s eyes were glued to the screen again, where he could see Mark avoiding looking at the camera, rubbing a hand over his mouth. Looking concerned.

“You’re joking.”

“Not...not this time, no.”

There was a seriousness to his tone that Jack wasn’t used to, that made him think maybe Mark really did mean what he was saying.

“Why?”

“Why do I believe you?” Mark asked, finally looking up to the camera. “Because I think–”

There was an odd, glitched distortion on the screen, the lighting around Mark changing and shifting for a brief, almost unnoticeable moment....and judging by the slight widening of Mark’s eyes and the way Jack gasped softly, they both knew that the other had just seen the same thing.

“...I think...I can’t talk about it. Not now. Not...” Mark glanced over his shoulder, his eyes landing on something off-screen, something near the ground. “You alright? It’s okay, I promise. I’m right here.” The camera’s angle changed, going lopsided as Mark leaned over to reach toward whatever was on the floor. Jack assumed it was probably his dog, Chica. Poor pup. He smiled softly in sympathy. Then Mark was back in the frame, and he looked a little strained.

“Look. I can’t...talk about it over the phone. Obviously he doesn’t want you knowing. But I’ll be in Europe for a tour soon. A few weeks from now. Just...hold out ‘till then, and we can talk then. I’ll stop by, or we can meet up–”

“Wait, who?” Jack interrupted, frowning. A minute fear seemed to build in his chest, a tension there that hadn’t been there before, and he found himself glancing over his shoulder despite the fact that it was broad daylight and he was sitting against a wall. Sam made a quiet noise of distress and cuddled closer to him, looking up at him. Jack’s free, shaking hand fell to his lap to pet the little eyeball. “Who doesn’t want me to know what?”

“Later,” Mark insisted. “Not now. It’s not safe.”

“Why?!”

“Later!”

And Mark hung up. Jack tried, twice, to call him again - but both times Mark ignored him. He gritted his teeth and held Sam a little closer, suddenly scared to be alone.

[A/N] I swear, when I began this story, this was not the direction I was planning on taking it. It was going to be a cute little fluff-friendship piece with Sam thrown into the mix, then...the story took on a mind of its own. So even I don’t know where it’d headed...but I promise there will be cutes ahead as well. That, at the very least, is still a part of the plan. <3

Also find the latest chapters of this story on [Archive Of Our Own]

[Previous|Next]

[Chapter List]

#SamLives #Sam Lives #Markiplier #Jacksepticeye #JSE #Jacksepticeye FanFic #JSE FanFic #Sam Septiceye #Sam #Jack #Mark #Robin #Chapters #4 #Paranoia

[bratdroid-blog]

The love story of the century, in cinemas now. 

@paradoxidolatry

Coco

> You have the smuggest smug smile to ever smug on your face as you start singing for your boyfriend. 

 "Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. 

I'm half crazy all for the love of you. 

It won't be a stylish marriage. 

I can't afford a carriage. But you'll look sweet upon the seat. 

Of a bicycle built for two."

Carro

> You are blushing ear to ear, and though you've got your mouth covered with the heel of your hand, you are grinning widely and earnestly.  You laugh, a bit breathlessly. 

 "Hal..."

Coco

> Aw yeah, that's what you lose to see. You were already feeling extra soft after last night, filled with Anime, sentimental moments and soft touches. A good reminder of why exactly you do love this man despite all his flaws. 

> You quickly pull him into a embrace, and press a sweet little kiss on his face.

"So, what do you say, Daisy?"

Carro

> You are, by all counts, a big man.  Not the biggest, no, especially in this city of meaty mobsters and bodybuilders, but you know you're fairly tall and well-built for a regular ass human.  But that doesn't stop you from feeling so small right in this moment, arms wrapped around Hal, just.  Absolutely lit up like a Christmas tree. 

> You're still grinning. 

 "You... are you serious....?"

Coco

"I don't sing Daisy Bell for just anyone, dude. Told you: It's always been just you.  I won't ever sing it for anyone else."

> You just wanted to tease him but... The moment seems just a bit too perfect to back out now. This isn't something you had ever expected or calculated but that alone makes it worth it. The unknown is exciting when you get to take the jump with your lover. 

> Weird. Were you always THIS gay?

Carro

> You are....for lack of better word, speechless.  Your mouth flaps uselessly and soundlessly for a few moments, floundering for something intelligent and witty to say, and you come up painfully, awkwardly short. 

> But you do find some words, and those words have a strange, exciting shape: "...Fuck it.  Yeah.  Yeah, sure, yes, let's.  I'd love to... I.  Yes, Hal."

Coco

> Just watching him struggle to form a sentence is already enough of a reward but the words that do end up leaving his mouth?  Make you wish you had a heart to skip a beat. 

> Once again it's a blessing that you can kiss him deeply and talk at the same time. 

"Then let's do it, Daisy Bell. You're going to be mine forever, and I'll be yours."

Carro

> You laugh again against his lips and you throw all of yourself into that kiss.  You feel 17 again--light and excited and hopeful for the future to come. 

"No one else's." 

> Shit, are you crying?  You sniff and lean back to swipe at your eyes.  Fuck, you've been doing this weaksauce shit a lot lately.  Goddamn you, Hal--reminding you that you, in fact, still have a heart.  You take a moment to step away and breathe, fan yourself off a bit, but you're still grinning. 

"Well, fuck, alright, so this is happening.  How's it happening? When? We gonna do a whole ass white wedding or?"

Coco

> This is all you ever wanted for him, and if a silly human tradition is what it takes to have him feel that again, you will gladly go along with it. You don't think either of you has ever so much as seriously thought about marriage, let alone considered getting married yourself but damn. If not him, who else? You give him his moment, but the smile on you face doesn't die for a second. Your eyes may be artificial creations but the love in your gaze is as real as it can be.  It's always been all for him. 

"Well...Don't have a ring right or anything for you babe, but I was thinking we should do something more permanent anyways. You're into tattoos yeah?"

You had considered that one for a while at least, if not in the context of god damn marriage. 

"Right now, is what I want to say but I'm afraid my papers aren't official quite yet. That means I have time to get the prettiest damn wedding dress this shit moon has ever seen though, so there's that."

Carro

> A tattoo wedding band.  Well, shit goddamn.  If that ain't just the best idea you've ever heard.  He's already given you a nice scar to mark you by.  Why not a tattoo? 

 "Fuck yeah... Fuck yeah, aight, we can do a tattoo.  Maybe engrave your finger or somethin'... get a ring to slow in it later, but just like, something to always have around that can't get lost."

God, what is this feeling?  Is this the human emotion called marriage? Aaaand then there's the papers. 

"Shit, that's right... How long's that supposed to take, anyway?"

Coco

"That's exactly what I was going to suggest. Let's do this shit. You got a tattoo shop of choice who will take us on today?" 

> You are literally buzzing with excitement. This joke got real fast but you are not complaining. 

"I'm gonna beg the Queen for this shit, dude. Bitch is a major sucker for this gay shit, I think we have good chances at getting this. About...Sec. About 80%. Messaging her as we speak."

Carro

"Might be able to find someone, but if not, y'know... I trusted you with a scalpel, I think I can trusts you with inking me up." 

> You might also literally be buzzing with excitement, and then your jaw drops. 

"You're- seriously? The Queen? Right now?"

Coco

"Aw babe... Sure, I can do it if you got the equipment." 

> That's even better actually. You haven't done this before, but with the power of internet tutorials? No biggie. 

"Fuck yeah I am. Look, we're both not great with authority and whatever, but she runs this damn gay ass moon and she adores me. Might as well use that to get my gay on. right?"

Carro

"Sure do.  I'll dig it up after the uh, the wedding I guess." 

> You laugh, and you nod, and then you... you exhale deeply, scrubbing your face with your hands as the depth of what's happening slams into you. 

"Holy fuck, we're getting married.  For real.  Tonight."

Coco

"Fuck yeah we are. She said yes. Gotta get our asses to the courthouse asap, dude." 

> Yeah, you really are vibrating with excitement. You are running too hot already, but not to the point where you are going to fry your brain for good. Just the good, gay warmth. 

> You couldn't possibly resist pulling him close for another deep kiss. 

"God. I love you so much, you piece of shit. How dare you do this to me." 

> That about sums up your relationship, yeah.

Carro

> And now you're back out of your intense spiral with a laugh and a kiss.  You hug him tight and you kiss him again and again until you are utterly breathless. 

"Cuz I fuckin love you with every little ... gay-ass bit of my heart, you motherfucker.  I can't fuckin believe us, goddamn U-haul gays.  'Hey, long time no see, you wanna move in and get hitched, maybe?'"

Coco

"You said it yourself, we've already been an old married couple before I got this sweet bod of mine. It's only right to make it official, yeah?" 

> God, you can hardly believe this yourself. Best stupid decision that started as a joke you made in your whole damn life though. 

"Can't wait to start my new life as an official, real ass person by marrying you. Seems fitting. You are stuck with me forever now."

Carro

> You lean in and touch your forehead to his, staring deep into those beautiful fuckin robo eyes. 

"There's nobody I'd rather be stuck with."

Coco

"That's fucking gay, dude." 

> And you love it, so much. Your hands cup his face, itching to be as  close as possible. 

 "Not gay if it's with a robot, right?"

Carro

> You smile somewhat bashfully at Hal and you shrug lightly. 

"...Might still be pretty gay, even with a robot."

Coco

> Oh wow. Is that what it takes to make Dirk Strider finally fucking realize he is indeed, fucking gay? Just a little gay marriage, huh? You said you wouldn't push it though, so you don't. 

"Glad I get to be your gay robot exception, dude. Couldn't be happier."

Carro

> You're glad he doesn't push it; you're still gonna be struggling with that one for a while, but... But this? This is good.  Great, even. Perfect, actually. 

> You kiss him again, and don't let up for a long time, before murmuring, 

"Gotta get dressed and get going, I guess.  Gonna go pick up Sock along the way.  Is Dave... here? We gonna have to pick him up too?"

Coco

> You could spend another few hours kissing him, but you will have plenty of time for that after he becomes your husband. What a weird thought that is. Has you smiling all over again. Seems like your face is stuck like that for now. 

"Shit, I don't have any formal clothes dude. How embarrassing is that?" 

> Not that you really give a flying fuck over getting married in your usual clothes. 

"Yeah, here's hoping he'll be ready in under an hour."

Carro

"Haha, I don't think I've got my good shit out and ready... You can, uh... borrow some of mine, if you want, though? I mean, shit, you could just go naked and I'd be happy." 

> You, though, are already stripping off your BIG MILK t-shirt and looking for a clean, half-decent button-up. 

"He better be.  We got twenty minutes before Sock's ready to pick up."

Coco

"You think all of Derse is ready for my beautiful bod, though?"

That's really the main reason you even bother with clothes at all when you leave the house. Looking at least a bit more normal. Not that you exactly care for anyone's opinion, just makes shit easier. 

"Sure, that's romantic right? Boyfriend style is in yeah? Or husband in this case."

Carro

A shudder runs visible through you and your turn a grin back at Hal. 

"Say that again."

Coco

"Nu uh. Not yet, my dude. Gotta earn the H word first."

Carro

"Awww, c'mon." 

You laugh and then you rummage through your closet until you find a dark red button up for Hal, with silvery white pinstripes. 

"Just once."

Coco

> Aw it's your color. He does care. That earns him a quick peck on the lips. 

"Fine. You are my motherfucking husbando, Dirk. Better than any fucking anime guy, even Android 17."

Carro

"Shit goddamn.  Even Android 17, for real?  I must be special." 

> You wink and then toss on an orange shit and a black jacket and slacks, before fishing out a matching pair for Hal. 

"Does that also make you the husbando? Or is one of us the waifu?"

Coco

"I mean, i ain't giving up on my figures of him for you, but yeah. I'm choosing you over my anime boyfriend." 

> That's love bitch. 

 > This is actually yet another first for you, first time putting on a suit. That shit's not rocket science though. 

 "A family can be two husbandos and their two baby brothers, who are also dating. Y'know. That sounds exactly like an anime plot actually." 

> Thank god that you are not living in an anime, or this shit would be way weird.

Carro

> Jokes on you, life is the ultimate anime. 

> But you laugh and you get yourself sorted out, throwing a white tie around your neck but not quite tying it yet.  You turn to Hal and look to see if he needs any help...but mostly? You're just staring at him, in awe and full of warm, gay, fuzzy-ass dokis. 

"Guess you've got a point there.  Life with the Striders is my favorite fuckin anime this season."

Coco

> You have never tied a tie in your life, but you tie his like you've never done anything else in your life. You are a quick learner after all. 

 "Yeah same..Hey babe?" 

> There's never been as good of a moment to get gay. You continue your song from earlier, just for him. 

"We will go tandem as man and husbando

Daisy, Daisy 

Peddling our way down the road of life 

I and my daisy bell 

When the roads dark we can both despise 

Policemen and the lamps as well 

There are bright lights in those dazzling eyes 

Of beautiful daisy bell" 

> Naturally a song from 1892 did not in fact include the word husbando, but sometimes you just gotta get creative.(edited)

Carro

> Ohhhhh, Hal, you fucker, you've done it now. 

> There are actual, real tears running down your face, and you're stuck halfway between mopping them up, and just covering your face, and you really can't decide what to do with your hands, so you instead place them on Hal's hips instead of anywhere near the vicinity of you.  You're laughing, and you lean in to kiss him again. 

> If you could, you'd never stop kissing him. 

> Also you can't believe a song from 1892 is your song, but hey you wouldn't have it any other way.  Except maybe a hip-hop cover of the song, down the road. 

"I love you."

Coco

"Love you too, Daisy Bell." 

> You gladly kiss him again as you gently wipe some of those tears again. God, look at the two of you, getting all sorts of gay in fucking record time. You both really needed this for a long ass time, didn't you? 

> You are far too happy to ruin this by psychoanalyzing everything about it, not in this very moment at least.

#ooc #logs #paradoxidolatry

[s-kellington7]

Wanted to change pace to a completely different medium today. I absolutely love video editing, it’s so much fun, and it’s one of the only creative mediums I engage with where I can picture a vision and have resembling done like, quickly. I did this when the flights for Halo Infinite came out mid 2021. Not gonna get into the game itself because it’s pretty much all my twitter consists of and I’ll just be bitching for 10,000 words.

I love games, I love youtube, youtube gaming content is like, all I watch mostly and this style of stream of consciousness editing just cracks me up. It’s also something that really is enhanced by my endless knowledge of internet garbage and memes so it’s just super satisfying to me and makes me feel like I’m firing on all cylinders creatively. I have made something like this before consisting of clips from Overwatch back when me and my pal Tom used to play it regularly. That I’ll post in the future because I’m also really proud of that video.

I remember being ultra sick when making this and it turning into a bit of a fever dream at points, hence the hellish intro. I have this abhorrently bad webcam from like, 2002 or something and it’s my favourite thing ever. It has it’s own jank software called AMcap or something (Which I just now realised I have to reinstall actually) but my god does it produce the most unbelievable katsu crunch deep fried beer battered horrors known to man. So I took one of my favourite pictures of myself in a Shodan like vibe and put one of the weirdest and least risky songs I know together copyright-wise. The song is by a guy called AJ Freaks or something and it just made the perfect combo. AJ is wild though, check out his song this world is crazy and you’ll know immediately what you’re dealing with.

A lot of the clips aren’t exactly great plays or anything because I had limited footage and we had only bots to fight against at the time so I really focused on each clip being a skit relating to the game, ie, that one where I fuckin falcon punch a bot down a hall, all thanks to a weird physics glitch.

Something I love looking back on this is you can see a lot of the biggest things to inspire me at this point very clearly, like how I was watching cowboy bebop for the first time, or all the Nier Replicant music I used. The “Fuck off dudes” Bart Simpson actually is an allegory for my hatred for Crach Bandicoot too since the N. Sane trilogy was really putting me through it at the time.

The first clip is actually a great example of me getting around making these kinds of things hard for myself. I’m pretty much always watching or listening to something else when playing multiplayer games which ruins the audio in the clip obviously so I just have to settle with some music and SFX over top to make it feel natural and it’s a lot harder than I’d thought, but it puts a new flavour on clips I feel like. Something about that LISA music I feel just clicks with the gorpy nature of the situation and I dunno, I love it.

You know, I thought I would have had an lot more to say about this since video editing is one of my favourite activities and I love this video but honestly I think so much of it speaks for itself and I mean that in the shallowest way possible. It’s just fun, funny shit! I get to have a blast while gathering clips, I get to put my extensive knowledge of nothing to a good use, I get to blend my interests in pop culture into my work and the purpose and intent is mega clear, to have a giggle. I don’t get bogged down in trying to be clever or invoking hidden meanings in things. Also nice to inject a bit of myself into these since my mic is always on so I get candid reactions to things happening, which works a lot like a laugh track I think.

I really really want to do more big videos like this, but my biggest barrier is flat out laziness and lack of attention span for creative endeavours, something like this I need to strike while the iron is hot and get it all done in 2 hours, if that’s not feasible then it isn’t getting made and this is the case in every medium I work in. Updating this regularly and engaging mentally with old work is making me have a better work ethic and is switching my brain on to creativity again which is great, it’s the reason I started this page back up. Looking after myself better health wise helps a bunch too, not being exhausted after using my brain for 45 minutes again is fantastic!

Editing audio or video is kind of my ideal job, I’d love to be able to at least try it as a career just once but man is that just not an option in Ireland and I am nowhere near a social enough person to try make connections online to do that. Maybe someday I’ll improve or the opportunity will come along like that, thankfully I’m not a person to worry over much and am very “whatever happens happens”

#video editing #meme editing #halo #funny #youtube

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Sixty-Eight

A/N: Okay, firstly I cannot apologize enough for the delay. I'm sorry for not posting when I planned on, I have no idea how I feel about this chapter, it's all over the place and I've honestly thought of erasing it and starting back over but that'd take even longer and I don't want to make you guys wait any more. I'm sorry for falling through on my assurance I'd post by Friday.

Timeline in case anyone is wondering, this chapter starts around the 18th of September (flashback is last couple days in July) and ends at the end of September.

I hope you guys like it, perfectly understandable if y'all don't and I will be trying harder next time. Thank you🖤

P.S.--I haven't forgotten about the "D" Viv gets tattooed on her, it's being mentioned in the next chapter.

Words: 4.4K

Warning(s): Explicit language, violence, mentions of drug abuse, mentions of sexual abuse, insensitive implication of suicide.

Tag List: @unknownoblivion  @sinningsixx  @edwardtriggerhandzz  @lemmyjelly  @haileynicoleseavey17  @cierrasixx19  @oskea93  @mgkobsessed  @vamprlestat  @sharon6713  @itsametaphorbriansblog  @miriampraez  @allie-mcginn @xpoisonousrosesx  @rebeccaphillips14  @nicholeh7  @fandomshit6000  @lilmou5ie  @tamedhearts  @divaanya  @kingbouji3 @evrsncnewyork @6ixx6ixx  @ratedrkohardychick91  @floregrohlssard  @oldschoolimagineblog  @thanks2pete  @abaldboi  @swoopygorl @justjodeye @liith-ium  @caos18blog  @ytwahsog  @shamlessobsession @scarecrowmax  @toadspleen @random-internet-user-4471  @solohqrry  @loveofmyloif  @sparxx27  @kaitieskidmore1  @cruecifymesixx  @ijustwanttokiss70srogertaylor  @emmaelizabeth2014 @meetthesixxter  @sixxsixxsexx @sublimeprincesswasteland @arianareirg  @girlnight-terror  @mcnibberachi

@fancywasmyname1  @teller258316  @ggorehorror  @blowinmeupwithherlove  @xrosegoldwolfx  @mylifeisjustafeverdream  @redlipscrystalskies14 @str4nge-haze

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

I'm taking another bite of eggs, before an issue of Playboy is plopped down in front of me, into my food. 

I was expecting the cover to hit stands sooner, rather than later. We went back on tour the first of September, and the issue wasn't out until September 16, a couple days after getting back on tour from a separate break that took place a week and a half after our first break at the end of July did.

I'm on the cover, naked, and I hesitantly run my eyes up Doc's body to his eyes, giving an uneasy smile, knowing I'm in trouble. 

I swallow my food and he glares at me. 

Within ten minutes, he's got all of us back into another meeting. 

"Playboy?!" He's pacing the floor, throwing his hands up. "Y-You…" he trails off, the vein popping out on his forehead. 

I look around and notice everybody--Ross, Fred, Tommy, Vince, Mick, Rich--has got a copy of it, flipping through, including Nikki, and I feel my face heat up, slowly sliding down in my seat. 

"...Playboy!" Doc gets out again, before he starts laughing. 

"Was a staff meeting really necessary for this?" I ask him. 

"I mean, it could be worse." Fred tries to take up for me as my question is ignored. 

"Yeah, she could've went behind our backs and shot a porno." Vince adds, glancing at me. "...or did you do that, too?" 

Apparently I don't deny that quick enough because Doc is looking at me with an even more severe look. 

"Did you?!" He asks. 

"No?!" I argue, starting to get pissed. "I posed for Playboy, what's the big deal?" 

Doc starts laughing again. 

"What's the big deal? What's the big deal? What's the bi--what's the big deal?!" He pulls at his hair. "I am about to have a heart attack. I am about to have a heart attack. You--" he lets out a loud yell of frustration and we all look at each other. "--Are you trying to kill me, Viv?! 'Cause I feel like you are!"

"From a photography perspective, they're quite beautiful photos." Ross says positively.

"Yes, I for one want to express my gratitude and admiration for Saint Viv's--well, Dirty Stripper Viv's--contribution to the livelihood of many a jerking offs." Vince states. "Also would like to note," he looks at a particular picture of me before adding, "I've only imagined her doing this position but now that it's here on paper, I'd like her to demonstrate--slowly, in detail--exactly how she twisted hersel--"

"--Dude, shut up!" Tommy snaps, his hands over his eyes, his head back, and Vince grins at me, making me roll my eyes. 

It kind of scares me how quiet Nikki is as he calmly thumbs through his. 

"Okay." Doc takes a deep breath. "When did this happen?" He asks me.

"I got an offer in the mail, and took them up on it, and when we were in Chicago I went by their studio." I explain. "I still don't know what the big deal is. I thought it was the idea for rockstars and Playboy models to be together." 

Doc looks at me with flared nostrils before flipping through his magazine.

"Whose is this?" He asks, turning the magazine around to show me, his finger on Duff's bass. 

I just look at him, not knowing what to say. 

"I know what every bass of Nikki's looks like and it's got too many personalized ticks on it for it to be a random prop they tossed at you." He adds. 

The room is quiet for a moment.

"It's Duff's." Nikki says and Doc raises his brows. 

"The fuck is that?" He questions me. 

"Guns N' Roses bassist." Nikki informs him, his tone neutral.

I'm afraid to look at him, knowing it's gonna break my heart. 

"The band that you've been in my ear about bringing on the tour?"

Nikki let's out a confirming sigh and Doc looks at me. 

"So this kid's gonna bring this bass to play on tour, and everybody's gonna recognize it when they flip through your little stunt here," he waves the magazine, "and it's all gonna come together and they're gonna realize a few days after Vanity allegedly dropped a bombshell about her and Nikki supposedly having an affair--which is said to be bullshit--his wife comes out humping another man's fuckin' bass." He tells me and I roll my eyes. "You roll your eyes all you want. Vanity fucking fried all of us, and then you decided to toss us into the fucking fire. Not that I expect anything different from a goddamn Sixx at this point. You both know how to make shit worse than it already is." 

"I highly doubt they'll notice, Doc." Tommy cuts in again. 

"You stay out of this." Doc snaps at him. 

Another beat of silence goes by.

"Nikki? Your thoughts? You're her fucking husband. You helped kickstart this snowball of shit that just keeps getting bigger and bigger. What's your fucking opinion on her doing this? Am I gonna have to worry about you bending another girl over on stage and going to town in retaliation or what?" Doc sarcastically throws out there. "I mean nothing will fucking surprise my anymore. I just need to know what I need to prepare to clean up next." 

My heart pounds as I look at Nikki, liner smudged, tired eyes, glancing at me as he lets out a defeated sigh. 

"She's a grown woman, Doc." He surprisingly says and I widen my eyes in shock, as everyone else looks worried that Nikki's not screaming at me for it right now. 

Not yet, at least.

"That's it?" Doc asks him, raising his brows. "She didn't say a word about it, didn't give a warning, a heads up, nothing, and she comes out like this and you have absolutely nothing to fucking say?" 

Nikki just shrugs. 

"She just does whatever the hell she wants to do. Doesn't matter how I'd feel before, why does it matter what I feel like, now? Like I said, she's grown. Whatever she wants to do, she can do." He finishes, standing up to leave. 

"Nikki, are you fucking me right now?!" Doc complains as Nikki heads to the door. "You flip your shit over tiny stuff but your own wife does this without even telling you about it and you just brush it off?!"

"Just because she calls me 'daddy' doesn't mean I can act like her fucking father, Doc." Nikki sternly says and my face heats up. "We're not even together so why the fuck would I care what she does or who she does it with?" 

His bark was "I don't give a fuck" and "she can do whatever she wants", but a couple months later his bite was "you aren't worth a fucking thing which is why you had to get naked in a magazine to get validation in the first place" then proceeded to bare his teeth down further into my heart by adding, "just another pussy to unload in and get on to the next attention-humping slut." 

The next thing I knew, Duff was knocking him to the ground and the two of them started ripping into each other like dogs.

Once the meeting is over, after another hour of going back and forth, feeling like I was going to vomit from impending guilt, I'm getting back to my room and making a beeline for the toilet. 

I take a deep breath once I'm done, wiping the few tears from my cheeks. 

I don't feel bad for posing…the entire meeting it took everything not to confess that me posing naked with Duff's bass should be the least of their worries, compared to what other activities  I've gotten up to with him the last time the band had a couple days off and we went back to L.A. 

The sound of my room phone ringing pulls me out of my head

“Hello?” I answer.

“H-Hey.” I hear Tansy’s voice on the other end and I perk up.

“Hey, Tans, how’re you feeling?” I ask her, nervously.

“Good, um…” She lets out a soft sigh. “...I relapsed.”

I close my eyes for a moment, exactly like I did last week, and the week before, and the week before, and so on.

After Sparkie did his damage, Tansy promised to swear the bastard off. But within two weeks of her incident, she was back with him, only because her babysitters--Slash and Steven--left her unattended and she ran off to find him.

They’d find her, threaten Sparkler, bring her back home and the second they turned around long enough, she was gone again. 

Nikki had ordered them that she wasn't supposed to be around Sparkie because he had "accidentally" taken it too far while they were messing around…

Skylar squeals as tickle at her stomach, shampoo sticking her blonde hair straight up while Sharise runs a wash cloth over Sky's back.

When she's done, she's wringing the water out of it. 

"Sky, we gotta wash the shampoo out of your hair." I tell her.

"Nuh." She protests, shaking her head. 

"Skylar, we gotta get the shampoo out so we can get conditioner in your hair and get the tangles out."

"Nuh." She states, looking at us like we're crazy. 

"Don't be a diva like daddy." Sharise tell her, raising her brows. 

"Da-da?" 

"Da-da's golfing." She replies.

Skylar looks between us. 

"Nuh." She argues. "Beebee." She points at me. 

Sharise looks at me and hands me the little plastic cup she uses to rinse Sky's hair. 

"I'm gonna grab a towel from the couch." Sharise tells me. "Let Veevee rinse your hair." 

Skylar's cooperative, letting me get the shampoo from her hair and letting me put conditioner in and rinsing it out. 

When we're done, Sharise is picking Skylar up from the bath and wrapping her in her towel. 

The phone starts ringing and I dry hands off and stand up. 

"I'll get it." I assure Sharise.

"Alright, it could be Vince. He said he'd call before he headed home."

"Okay."

I go to the living room and pick the phone up.

"Hello?"

"I'm coming by to pick you up." It's Nikki, and I furrow my brows and look at the time. 

"What're you doing up before two o'clock?" 

"I got a call from a hospital in Malibu. Tansy's in surgery right now."

My blood runs cold and I can't get my thoughts together. 

"Just be ready when I get there." He adds. "I'm leaving the house, now."

"O-Okay." 

He hangs up and I head to Skylar's room where Sharise is helping her pick out some clothes. 

"That was Nikki." I inform her and she looks at me. "Tansy's at the hospital in the middle of a surgery."

"Oh my God, is she okay?" 

"I don't know."

"Is she having more heart problems or--"

"--I have no idea, Sharise. Nikki didn't explain."

Despite her body being pumped full of varying drugs, none of them caused her to be sent to the ER. Something else entirely, did though.

"She's more susceptible to complications during surgery due to her previous heart problems and her drug use. She did decide to sign a DNR--"

"--I'm sorry, what's been signed?" Nikki raises his brows at the nurse. 

"A do-not resuscitate order. Meaning if she were to code, we can not perform cardiopulmonary resuscitation." 

"So you just fucking let her die?!" 

"Nikki, they had to explain to her what it meant, and she still agreed--" I'm cut short.

“--You know how much fucking heroin she fucking shoots on a daily basis?! I'm not even sure she could fucking see to sign her God damn in the first place, let alone comprehend you motherfuckers selling her death!" Nikki barks and the nurse sighs.

“Nikki, she’ll be fine.” I try to tell him.

"Fuck that!" He screams, fear in his eyes.

"Nikki, that's only if something goes wrong, alright? So far everything is going okay." I try to reassure him, my eyes drifting to her nurse. "Right?"

The surgery itself was going smoothly. One thing Tansy didn't tell us, however, was one of her kidneys was shot from her drug and alcohol abuse, and she asked her doctor to go ahead and take the thing out.

"She's in good hands." Is all the nurse says, before adding, "she should be out in a couple more hours." 

She walks away and Nikki shakes his head and lets out a heavy breath. 

"It'll be okay." I say to him.

“You gonna fucking pray about it or something?” He sneers at me.

“Yes.”

“Right, imaginary friends solve all of the world’s problems.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me doing something that brings me some peace.” I argue.

“You’ve been praying for me for the past six years. Feel any fucking peace, yet?” He snaps.

Believe it or not, no. I hadn’t felt any fucking peace.

It doesn’t take Tansy much longer to get out of surgery, and Nikki and I are horrified when her doctor explains what exactly he was repairing, being that the nurse wouldn’t tell us.

“Like...a shooter sized bottle--”

“--Pint.” He says to us and Nikki and I look at eachother.

“They tried to fit a pint sized bottle of Jack into her…?” I trail off.

“Well, they made it fit, it just didn’t stay intact.” He replies.

“The bottle of her vagina?” I question.

“I had to stitch up her vaginal wall extensively, and made sure to remove every piece of glass, including micrograins. Her left fallopian tube would have been compromised if the piece of glass that completely punctured through her vaginal wall, would have moved 0.004mm, which is about the thickness of a single strand of hair.” He states. “She’s very lucky her uterus or ovaries weren’t compromised. That wouldn’t have been as easy of a fix.”

“A--A bottle?” I’m stll stuck on them fitting a fucking bottle into her, my face twisted in horror as my stomach drops and my skin crawls.

He holds up a small container and rattles it around, the sound of glass swishing around making me cringe.

“Jesus fucking christ.” Nikki lets out.

“I’m going to tell her when she wakes, but please reiterate after me, that the next time she and her partner wish to add some heat to their sex life, maybe try not to be so blatantly reckless.” He suggests and Nikki and I nod, still speechless.

In a couple more hours, Nikki and I’s ears perk when she groans a little, our eyes shifting to look at her in her hospital bed.

Her bright blue eyes blink open, her brows furrowed in confusion, and it seems everything slowly falls into place for her.

“Tans?” Nikki says and she looks straight at him, just blinking.

“Where’s Sparkie?” She asks and we look at each other.

“We haven’t seen him.” I explain.

“Oh.” She quietly mumbles, closing her eyes again for a moment.

“Tansy, what the hell happened?” Nikki starts, a sharp tone in his voice.

She looks at me, carefully, before speaking.

“We were just trying to spice things up.” She says softly.

“With a fucking Jack Daniel’s bottle that clearly wouldn’t naturally fit inside of you?” He lets out.

She doesn’t say a word back, I almost think she doesn’t hear him, until she says:

“I’m not fighting right now.”

“Let’s just let her rest, okay?” I suggest. “She’s exhausted and she doesn’t need to be stressed out right now.”

Nikki sighs, but keeps his mouth shut.

After a few more minutes, I’m wanting a snack.

“You have any cash?”

He looks at me and I give him my best smile, making him exhale softly, digging in his back pocket for his wallet.

“How much?” He asks, clearing his throat.

“Like, a couple bucks.” I shrug and he hands it to me. “Thank you.”

I go to the vending machines past the waiting area, to see Sparkie sitting by the window, eating his food, and I glare at him as I walk by.

He doesn’t see me, unfortunately, and I just keep going to the Pepsi Cola machine calling my name.

I want to go curse him out, but Tansy doesn’t need the stress, and being they were both high as a kite, I can’t solely put the blame on him and only him.

She should have just left him years ago. All he’s been is trouble that she doesn’t need.

I get my Pepsi and a pack of M&Ms, walking around a little to stretch my legs since I’ve been sitting for hours.

I let out a heavy breath when I remember I’m nearly out of Nardil, being I flushed a majority of my bottle down the toilet in an angry effort.

I’ll make sure to call in some more before we leave for the next leg of the tour.

As I start on my way back to the room, I’m interrupted by the sight of Nikki and Sparkie standing face to face in the waiting room, and I drop my Pepsi and food when Nikki slams Sparkie’s head into the wall without a single word beforehand.

“Sir!” The receptionist yells, standing up as I go to them as fast as I can to get Nikki off of him as he grabs his shirt and punches the shitfire out of Sparkie, one of his teeth crumbling to the floor.

“I’m gonna fucking kill you!” He promises as he punches him two more times, not taking a breath in between with no signs of stopping his assault until Sparkie’s brain is bursting from his skull, but I’m managing to get Nikki off of him, making him drop Sparkie to the floor, his nose and mouth busted up as security comes in.

We were escorted out, and when we got home I called Steven and informed him what happened to Tansy, leaving out what actually happened because I didn’t need anyone else possibly being sued for trying to kill Sparkie, and he went to keep an eye on her.

“Anyone else you want to beat the shit out of while we’re home?” I snap as we get to the car.   “First Vanity, now Sparkie--”

"--What, you wanna go back in there and coddle him the way you did Vanity?" He hisses and I roll my jaw. 

"You know exactly why I 'coddled' her."

"Oh, right, because men aren't suppose to hit women so I'm an evil bastard for knocking the shit out of her even though she was punching and hitting at me."

"I've punched and hit at you and you've never--"

"--She came into our house, attacked me, and punched you, too, Vivian! I had a reason to bust her face up a little bit!"

"I can handle shit myself, Nikki, there was no need for you to hit her like that!" 

"It's called 'equal rights'! All you women want is to be seen equally and shit! You fucking punch me like you're a man, I'm gonna fucking punch you back, like you're a fucking man! Don't hit me like you've got bigger balls than I do and then scream and cry and whine and plead 'frail, innocent, victimized, dainty, woman' when you get treated equally!" 

"I don't do that!" 

"No, but you sure as hell were all about feeding the cracked out beast when she fucking did!" 

"That's it. I'm walking home." 

"Walking home? We're forty minutes away from L.A., Viv." 

"I'll hitch a ride! I'd rather be in a car with a sketchy stranger than be trapped with you for the next hour!"

"You've been trapped with me the past four years!" He barks. 

"Not for much longer, thank God!" I bite out and his face slowly falls. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Pretty sure going our separate ways is just inevitable for us at this point, Viv, so it's fine." He brushes it off and my heart hurts at the thought. "And I'm sorry for going after Sparkie in public. But I'm not apologizing for defending Tansy. I'm not ever gonna be sorry for defending any of my friends."

“What happened, Nikki?” I ask him. “What the hell made you go after him like that? You were fine when I left.”

He lets out a breath, his nostrils flaring, his knuckles gripping tightly to the wheel as he closes his eyes and forces himself to calm down, before saying:

“Nothing. I just really thought about it and it got to me.”

I didn’t find out what happened until Tansy told me months down the road, and nobody else knows that’s actually what happened.

If Stevie and Slash knew what really occurred to put Tansy in that shape to begin with, they would’ve killed Sparkie the second Tansy first went back and "relapsed" on him.

"Tansy, he hurt you." I remind her. "And I know it was an accident but it doesn't matter. He could've seriously messed you up more than he did."

"I know, but I love him, Viv." She argues. 

"Tansy--"

"--Nikki shot you. And you're still with him." 

"Because Nikki was high out of his mind and didn't realize he actually was shooting at me. He thought I was someone after him." 

"Sparkie was fucked up and didn't know he was hurting me."

"Who the hell shoves a pint-sized glass bottle up their cunt to begin with, Tansy?" I raise my voice, getting aggravated with her.

"I'm gonna go." She tells me, calmly, after a moment of being quiet. "And I saw your Playboy issue--Steven got it. You look very beautiful." She genuinely says and I let out a defeated breath.

"Thanks."

"I'll talk to you later, Viv, okay?"

"Got it."

"I love you, bye."

"I love you, too, bye-bye." 

I hang up and fall back on the bed, groaning loudly in frustration. 

"How the hell can someone be as passively suicidal as she is?" I let out.

I'd find out soon enough.

In the last ten days of September, "Girls, Girls, Girls" is certified double-platinum, a $5000 lawsuit is filed against the band after a mother had apparently suffered "severe hearing dysfunction and mental anguish" at a recent concert. 

I wish I could sew these bastards for hearing dysfunction and mental anguish because God himself sure as shit knows I've had my fair share of it due to them, too.

By the end of the month, Nikki has Doc convinced to bring Guns N Roses on tour for the south leg, starting at the end of October…and I don't know how to feel about it. 

"Are you not excited about it?" Fred asks me after Doc leaves his hotel room after coming in to tell me the news. "Thought they were your buddies." He adds and I look at him from where I'm eating a fry from the fast food bag that he'd gone and got for us.

"They are." I confirm, nodding. "I'm excited." 

"...You just acted like Doc told you we were going to a funeral." He chuckles, sipping his drink and I lick my lips a little. 

"No, it's great, I'm just a little stressed out." I shrug. "But I'm fine." 

"Viv, what's going on?" He's not buying it and Iet out a soft breath, nervously picking the skin from the instead of my cheek with my teeth. 

"There's just a slight complication." I tell him and he raises his brows. 

"I'm all ears." He offers and I exhale, shaking my head a little, before opting for a way to confess my sins to him without him knowing I'm the one that needs forgiveness. 

"Well, you know how Sparkie and Tansy have been together for a long time?"

"Yeah." He nods. 

"She's really good friends with Axl, too, and her and Sparkie have been having some problems and might even break up so Tansy's been anxious and panicking a little, and, well…" I think for a moment. "...over this past break, Tansy slept with Axl." I say and his brows raise. "Who's the singer for Guns, and they've kinda been having a weird relationship situation thing happening ever since, but she's still with Sparkie, and being that she and Sparkie are along for the tour, Axl's gonna be around and she doesn't want Sparkie to find out what's been happening." 

"Why won't Tansy just break things off with Sparkie?"

"She doesn't want to hurt him."

"He's a piece of shit to her, are you kidding me? I'd tell that motherfucker he could go blow his fucking brains out over it." He scoffs, chewing his burger and I feel my heart sink, apparently he reads the look on my face. "Sorry, I forget women are wired a different way than guys are." He apologizes, swallowing his food before saying:

"Does Axl make her happier, you think?" 

"Sparkie's just exhausting her at this point. I think she really loves him, she's just tired of fighting and she hasn't had any peace in years, you know? She's just really tired. But when she's with Axl, she feels like everything isn't falling apart. She's at peace." 

"I think she's gotta tell Sparkie they just aren't working anymore. And be honest about how she feels instead of trying to brush over it and find ways to escape from it. I've seen her do some questionable shit, and I know it's because she's in pain and just doesn't want to deal with what's hurting her. I think this fling she's got with this dude is another way of crying for a way out, but she feels like she's too trapped to actually leave Sparkie." He explains. 

I nod slowly, tearing up a little. 

"I'm just worried about it, is all."

"Don't be." He shakes his head. "Just tell her what I just told you, and maybe she'll be done with Sparkie before Guns comes on a month from now." 

I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a moment.

"I doubt it." I say so quietly he doesn't even hear it.

I felt like I'd gotten a little bit of my guilt off my chest--aside from the fact that I was leaving out a minor detail:

"Sparkie" = Nikki, "Tansy" = Vivian, and, "Axl" = Duff.

#nikki sixx #mötley crüe #nikki sixx x oc #nikki sixx fanfiction #gateway drug

[terrible-tentacle-theatre]

The Bestiary Revamped: Vampire Squid (HALLOWEEN SPECIAL)

Disclaimer: While this article is founded in scientific fact, it contains hyberbole and conscious exaggerations for the sake of comedy. Do not take my ramblings at face value. You can find the sources at the end of the article and tools for scientific fact-checking under the “Learn more” link on my blog.

The old article can be read here.

(I intended to post this yesterday but stuff came up. Anyway.)

Ahem.

Cue the spooky music.

*threatening organ music plays at unbearable volumes*

That’s right, dear readers, the Spooky Gourd Day has finally, finally come, and with it the nigh-endless Halloween shitposting that permeates this website every October like the smell of pumpkin pie did my house just a few hours ago, immediately before I ate most of it. (I still have like half of it left, but it’s cold now so it doesn’t have that mouthwatering smell unless I reheat it. And I was too busy watching old Betty Boop Halloween cartoons to reheat it. Anyway, I’m getting off track.)

Frankly, the obsession of internet culture with this innocuous holiday has always fascinated me. What it is about a day when you get to dress up all funky-like, go from house to house acting like an idiot, horf down all the candy you can get away with and watch scary movies all night that is so attractive to them youngsters? I simply cannot wrap my head around it.

However, it is a day of great significance to this blog, since this is the day when we celebrate the utter freakiest of the freakiest that can be pulled up from the stygian waves of the planet’s oceans. This is the third Halloween of the Terrible Tentacle Theatre, and for this notable occasion, I have decided to give one of my earliest poster children a much-needed revisit.

Back in the early days of the blog, when it was still called Hectocotylus and my content mainly consisted of spicing up Wikipedia and Cracked articles with swearing for the sick enjoyment of some 30 followers, the article in question was my first big hit among the people of the Digital Blue Hills of Hell. In the days when most of my articles didn’t go above 20 notes, this beast gathered up 300 notes by using its nebulous tendrils to reach into the deepest corners of the ole ‘web. Not only was this creature my first big hit in my career as a marine biology blogger with tone moderation issues, it would also fit in great as the main monster in a theoretical Universal Horror/Syfy teamup, which would be the Halloweeniest shit ever.

Ladies, gentlemen and other fellows, the vampire squid.

Before you even see this thing in full detail you can already gather that I didn’t choose it for this year’s Halloween special for nothing. Everything from the ghoulish dark red color scheme to the bat-like webbing between eldritch tentacles screams “cheesy Hammer Horror movies written by good ol’ Howard Philips”. And it will become even more evident when you see it in its full, glowy, betentacled glory.

This is how it looks like when you stare down a squishy, floppy incarnation of doom. This thing looked so freaky that the dude who discovered it, a certain German biologist called Karl Chun, decided to name it Vampyroteuthis infernalis. That’s Latin for “vampire squid from Hell”. Yep, that’s right. Remember the part where science is hard fact unaffected by emotion? Well you can throw that right out the window, because this fucker freaked its discoverer out so hard that he named it the vampire squid from Hell.

“The shit I’ve seen, kiddo. You wouldn’t believe.”

Even descriptions of this guy sound like they escaped straight from a 19th century gothic horror novel. For example, in 1925 the Arcturus expedition caught one near the Galapagos Islands and described it as “a very small but very terrible octopus, black as night, with ivory white jaws and blood-red eyes.” Even in the years of the Roaring Twenties, merely seeing the vampire squid was enough to bring out anyone’s inner Poe or Bram Stoker, apparently, which isn’t very surprising considering that it looks like Béla Lugosi had an illicit affair with one of the Star-Spawn of Cthulhu.

You’re welcome for that mental image.

While calling it a vampire is more than appropriate, the names “squid” or “octopus” are much less fitting. While intially appearing to be something of an octopus, it’s actually not one of them; and it isn’t a squid either, which left the confused scientists to place it within its own little private taxon, the order Vampyromorphida. If you know a little bit of Latin, that means “vampire-shaped”, which would imply that this is the general shape for vampires. So next time you read Twilight, imagine Edward as a vampire squid flopping around on the ground the entire time and I guarantee you’ll have a blast reading through several hundred pages of sweaty bloodsucker romance.

Unlike Edward however, the vampire squid doesn’t actually feed on blood. Dashing from shadow to shadow in the cover of a snappy opera cape and hunting for innocent young maidens in the night is the kind of energy expenditure that this malevolent mollusk cannot afford. Mainly because it lives (you guessed it) in the darkest, deepest excesses of the oceans, where the eternal darkness creates an all-year-round Halloween mood. In these waters, even beginners have a hard time finding the tiniest scraps of food, and have to resort to drastic measures to get by. But the vampire squid looks at those beginners and goes “yall are scrubs git gud lmao”. Compared to the vampire squid’s lifestyle, virtually any other denizen of the deep sea lives right in the middle of a goddamn cornucopia.

See, the vampire squid doesn’t just live in the deep ocean. It specifically prefers places called Oxygen Minimum Zones (OMZ), which sounds more like the hardest Sonic level ever than any serious place which can support life. OMZs are vast sheet-like expanses of water in the deep sea which barely contain any breathable oxygen. Some of these zones can contain as little as 5% of the oxygen that saturates air, and barely anything survives here.

And guess what? The vampire squid lives here. Not only lives, but thrives.

This is the game the vampire squid plays, every day of its life. On hard difficulty.

Obviously, living in a dead wasteland of suffocating water has required the squid to adopt some nifty tools of survival. Do not do so would be like entering the final dungeon of a video game with early game gear.

First off is a pair of sensory filaments, which the vampire squid extends through the water much like a spider does its web. They are super long and flexible, and probably the source of so many dick jokes that the squid will choke a bitch if anyone tells one more.

“No, I’ve never heard that one ever. Ha ha ha. Real fuckin’ original.”

Next up is a pair of membranous wings, used by the squid to travel through the aether of space to “fly” through the water, it’s cape-like arm web billowing behind it. The vampire parallels are getting more and more accurate.

Interestingly this wing isn’t the same in adults and juveniles. At one point in their devlopment they start growing a second pair of fins which eventually fully substitutes the first pair, which then atrophies back into the flesh. Thus if you’re lucky enough to catch a vampire squid, it’s not impossible that it will have four fins. The biologists who first found these four-finned squid nearly went insane trying to describe it (and several other developmental stages) as separate species. It was such a mess it took years to sort out, and nowadays the vampire squid is the sole surviving species of its order. He’s standing in the darkness. Alone.

WAKE ME UP INSIDE

The fins and the filaments aren’t just decorative elements the squid picked out at Hot Topic, either. Used in tandem, they’re a fearsomely effective netting tool and the way this crafty cephalopod earns its daily bread. You think spiders are cool with their webs? Nah, Spiders ain’t shit. They’re lazy idiots and their web does all the work for them. the vampire squid’s filaments is where it’s REALLY at.

See, the vampire squid’s main diet is thankfully not blood but something called “marine snow”. This is basically the shower of discarded tissue, shit and corpses that rains down upon the lower layers of the deep ocean from the upper layers all year round. Having this fall from the sky for “White Christmas” would probably be quite traumatizing.

DECK THE HALLS WITH BALLS OF FECES SHALALALALALALALALAAAAARGH

The vampire squid, however, has had its resolve steeled by years of isolation in the darkness of the deep ocean, and is willing to chug down anything to survive. Bear Grylls is a picky gourmet chef compared to this guy.

That said, it needs to eat something that’s actually of some nutritional worth. It could spend its life scarfing down every chunk of marine snow it comes across, but that would be a waste of muscle movements since most of it does exactly nil to fill up its stomach. That’s where the filaments/fins combo come in, turning the vampire squid into an angry little tripwire trap ready to snap at any moment.

Note the filament. That’s not a parasite, that’s legit a part of the animal. Nobody knows where it evolved from, it’s not a modified arm or tentacle and it’s a fucking enigma.

Mystery tentacles: the quintessential Terrible Tentacle Theatre experience.

Extending its filaments (one at a time) into the mucky waters around, it waits more still then I do when I go to the kitchen for a glass of water during the night and I hear a sudden noise. The filaments come with a plethora of sensitive nerve endings, ensuring that anything bigger than a flea’s asscheeks landing on them will elicit an immediate response from the squid. And if said asscheeks touch the filaments, responds the squid it does. Specifically, it exhibits a surprising burst of speed (considering it just drifts around all day and it is effectively the consistency of Jell-O), pulled entirely by its fins to perform an acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle, whipping around in a loose loop and catching its own filament. Millions of dogs around the world enviously sigh in unison.

After this, the squid pulls off its prey from the filament using its arms, which generate a solid slime-like material. The collected chunks of edible whatnot are rolled into a ball of slime, and horfed down by the squid at once. You probably cannot tell but there’s a Michelin star underneath its mantle. “Slimeball à la Vampire Squid” is one gourmet-ass dish.

Molto bene!

Of course, all this fine dining makes the vampire squid itself tasty as all hell. You are what you eat, afterall. But in the deep sea, you do NOT want to be tasty, because everyone is hungry on top of being the most light-deficient gourmet motherfuckers on the planet. So naturally, our subject needs some sort of way to evade the raving food critics hunting him in the deep. And he has this way in the form of a very unlikely tool: bioluminescence.

“But Admin”, I hear you say, “didn’t you just get done telling us last week that glowing in the deep sea will attract everything around you?” That I did, young padawan, and it still stands. However, just like last week’s subject, the vampire squid uses its built-in glowsticks with a very express purpose and doesn’t just flash into the sunset willy-nilly. The glowy parts of this beast have very well-defined places and usages, exquisitely located and timed, just like a laugh track in a sitcom. Underneath its dark-red skin the vampire squid carries clusters of glowing photophores mainly on the tip of its arms as well as in two fake eye-spots on the top of its mantle, ready to flare up in a blue burst of light on demand. The fake eyes even come with their own built-in eyelids, opening and closing as Dracula Jr. sees fit.

Imagine you’re a predator and you see this glowing collection of random bullshit. Now figure out where to bite. Good fucking luck.

These lights are used with great care and consideration in order to troll the fuck out of anybody who is foolish enough to make an attempt on the vampire squid’s life. Upon attack, the squid whips its arms around with the lights on full luminosity, creating a confusing dance of light spots in the otherwise total darkness and messing up the predator’s perception. The false eyes only make things worse, finally creating the illusion that the vampire squid possesses unlimited godlike control over space and time, which may damn well be true.

Question: What way is this vampire squid going? Hint: It’s not facing toward you.

The appearance of the squid as a godlike psychic is surprisingly in line with the whole vampire angle, since Dracula has reknownedly had the ability to charm and hypnotize people. The effect is further accentuated by the squid’s eyes, proportionally the largest of any animal ever discovered. With a diameter a whopping one sixth of the animal’s whole body, this thing's oculars are like if you were walking around with eyes the size of your head. Each.

And for added effect, they glow and change color depending on which angle you’re looking at them from.

DISCO CTHULHU

And finally, if a spooky vampire-looking-ass dark red glowing octopus-squid-thing with hypnotic powers isn’t Halloweeny enough for you, the vampire squid has a final trick up its sleeve that catapults it right into the realm of body horror. This is suspected to be a defensive tactic but who the fuck knows, really. Deep sea creatures are enigmatic as shit, and they guard their secrets jealously.

Alright, I’ll quit beating around the bush and say it outright. Basically the final defensive measure of the vampire squid is turning itself inside out.

Yep.

Of all the stupid shit that Mother Nature could have come up with, she went and decided “alright, it just up and turns itself inside the fuck out. What are you gonna do about it?”

This behavior is known to science as “pineappling” or even more Halloweeny-ly “pumpkin posture” (no, seriously) and it involves the squid taking the webbing between its arms and turning it upside to shield its head and body from harm. Now folded comfortably into a spiky little footbal, the vampire squid knows itself free from harm. The webbings are thin enough for it to see through, but also don’t let its lights to shine around, so doing this effectively means the vampire squid switches into stealth mode. Plus it looks stylishly similar to Dracula popping the collar on his cape.

The vampire squid is every Monster Mash horror cliché come to life and smushed into a vaguely cephalopod shaped package for best user experience. When the stars are right and Cthulhu and his Star-Spawn emerge from the sunken city of R’lyeh to bring the world to ruin once more, these guys will be the first living things they encounter. And then they’ll fuck off back to their stupid city, mumbling things like “what the hell man, that’s plagiarism” and “that’s way too extra, even for us”. The apocalypse is postponed once again, thanks to the vampire squid’s vailant efforts of looking weird as fuck.

Happy Halloween, everybody! I was a day late due to the length of this article, but I hope you don’t mind. Until next Tuesday’s article, have a wonderful time with the aftermath of the day of cheesy horror and confectioneries.

Sources:

Encyclopedia of Life

Tree of Life Web Project

Animal Diversity Web

Ocean Biogeographic Information System (OBIS)

Ellis, Richard. “Introducing Vampyroteuthis infernalis, the vampire squid from Hell”. The Cephalopod Page. Dr. James B. Wood. 

Seibel, Brad. “Vampyroteuthis infernalis, Deep-sea Vampire squid”. The Cephalopod Page. Dr. James B. Wood. Retrieved 3 July 2011. 

Hoving, H. J. T.; Robison, B. H. (2012). “Vampire squid: Detritivores in the oxygen minimum zone”. Proceedings of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences. 

#bestiary #bestiary revamped #halloween #halloween special #cephalopod #deep sea creatures #bioluminescence #marine snow #vampire squid #spoopy #bela lugosi is spinning in his grave somewhere

[christophersymes]

Celebrity Status

Celebrity Status, an ongoing L(G)B(T)+ story also on Wattpad and Quotev.

<– Previous  / Next –>

Chapter Two

masonfucker1000: hey! i cannot fucking sleep for the life of me

masonfucker1000: nosam show's today, isn't it?

familyjules: hell yes it is! im too excited to sleep too do u wanna talk for a while while i get ready

masonfucker1000: uh, yeah, arent we talking now?

familyjules: shut up i'm sleep deprived and playing bass my mind is off

masonfucker1000: playing bass? are you reallyyy playing bass? or are u playing around w ur secret bass-stripping software, wannabe christo?

familyjules: fuck you i'm actually playing, masonfucker! u want proof go here: rabb.it/familyjules

masonfucker1000: uh huh

Mason's heart was suddenly beating out of his chest as he sat up in his bunk and plugged in earphones. Was Jules gonna turn on her camera? He was already freaking out that he was in the same city as Jules, he might even see her in the crowd! The boys had already teased him plenty in the past week for being so excited for it. He took a deep breath and clicked on the link.

Elias: Show me the proof!

Jules clicked on the camera and stuck his tongue out, smiling. "Hey, dumbass," he said, internally cringing at his voice. He lifted the bass. "Proof. Right here." He started to play one of Nosam's songs, smiling while he did.

Mason had to take a deep breath as soon as Jules turned the camera on. He blushed for no reason at all as he looked down at his bare chest and SpongeBob boxers, even though she couldn't see him. Jules' voice was awesome. The first thing he noticed were her blue eyes. Mason had seen a lot of blue eyes, but these were... wow. It was as if Mason had been searching for a certain shade of blue and had just found the perfect ones.

Her hair was an absolute mess down to her shoulders, and there was glitter all over her face, and she had tattoos. Blackwork flowers covered her shoulders down to her elbows. Those flowers were framed by a thin black line that went across her collarbone and shoulders, down to the end of the flowers. He could also see a moth and red and blue outlines of a skull on her thighs. She looked good. Really good. And then she showed him the bass and started playing, and Mason was pretty sure he'd nut right there.

Elias: holy fuck. holy fuck

Elias: Jules you're gorgeous

Elias: Sorry i mean your bass playing is amazing, it is, my mind is blown

Elias: but ive heard that before. right now im looking at

Elias: your face and

Elias: you look so good

Jules continued playing a few chords while he leaned forward to see the screen. He blushed, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. "You're an idiot. My hair is a fuckin' mess right now, dude." He leaned back again, the bass just barely hiding the fact that he was in a pair of boxers and a tank top and nothing else. "I'm gonna respect you not turning on your cam or mic, but damn, I wish I could see you." He laughed a little at how weird that sounded. "You're making me think you're someone famous."

Mason grinned. Jules' voice was soothing and light enough to severely tone down the dangerous words coming out of her mouth, the fact that she had casually— jokingly— guessed who he was. Sort of.

Elias: aw!! youre blushing! thats a blush!! youre cute

Elias: you're gonna make me blush. are u really that desperate to see me?

Elias: im sure u wish i was some1 famous

Jules laughed again. "Asshole. Maybe I do, you could get me a record deal or some shit. I don't sing much but my sister sure as hell can and I can harmonize okay." He plucked a string. "Also I'm not desperate. Just curious."

Elias: i would in a heartbeat

Elias: SING

Elias: you gotta sing

Elias: oh im sure its a burning curiosity

Jules blushed again, but obliged. He started singing a Nosam song. He blushed through it, then coughed a little. "I'm really not that good. Better with other people."

Mason smiled wide when Jules started singing. It was similar to Chris' range— which was really good. And her voice was different. Or maybe he was just... crushing extremely hard on her.

Elias: you're a solid Chris! and better than you think!

Elias: your voice is super smooth but it also has a nice rough edge to it and its fucking rad

Elias: you're a 1000% band material all the way, jules, I swear

Jules laughed nervously, grinning. "You're biased. Definitely just saying it." He shrugged a little. "Ugh. An hour 'til I go stand in line all day for good views."

Elias: youre good!

Elias: it'll be worth it

Elias: I hope youre at the front of the stage

Elias: ha! is that what ur gonna wear? what are those, boxers?

Elias: they are!

"Hell no!" Jules laughed. "It's way too fuckin' cold for that. And yes. They are boxers— Spongebob ones to be specific." He set his bass on the bed next to him and leaned up on his knees, so Elias could see. "I should probably get dressed actually. Turning off my camera for a minute." He turned it off and started to get dressed, keeping the mic on.

Elias: FUCK

Elias: IM WEARING SPONGEBOB BOXERS TOO

Elias: wow u have killer thighs

Elias: BOOOOOOOO

Elias: now im left to imagine

Jules stopped for a second to read the messages. "Twins! And boo for you. The thighs and ass are the result of a lifetime of hockey, my friend." Jules shrugged on a flannel and started buttoning it over his tank top. "I've got a killer ass too."

Mason bit his lip at that, significantly affected by imagining Jules' killer ass.

Elias: thank fuck for hockey

Elias: oh, I believe it

Elias: i have a lacrosse bod

Mason froze after he sent it. Sure, it was in hidden corners of the internet, but it was a little-known fact he played lacrosse in high school.

Jules grinned. "Lacrosse, huh? No wonder you like Mason. He was a lacrosse player."

Elias: oh yeah? bet he wasnt as good as me

Jules pressed the camera button again after he had his jeans on, stepping back as he buttoned them. "Better? Warmer." He grinned, turning in front of the camera. He was wearing a too big flannel since he couldn't wear his binder, and ripped black jeans. "With boots. It's kinda too pop punk for Nosam but y'know."

Mason swallowed as he fixated on Jules' ass. He blushed at the screen and looked up at the bottom of the top bunk. This was ridiculous.

Elias: hotter, definitely, yes

Elias: Pop punk is rad

Elias: and you rock it

Jules sat down again and grinned. "Thanks, man." He pulled the hair tie out of his hair and started to fix it, pulling half back again. "How are Nosam concerts? I mean, I've seen videos, but I haven't ever thought about asking about like... the fans? How did people act?"

Elias: lots of hype. really loud. lots of glitter, merch, posters. as u know, nosam fans are dedicated. altho some people won't even know who they are and pretend they know the songs, which is hilarious. lots of shirtless ppl after T-Shirt Song. might be some shoving around so be careful. theres some younger teenage fans too, they might get a bit much but theyre definitely passionate. older fans are adorable

Jules took a second to read it, playing with a pillow in his lap. "Sounds fun. I— nah, I'll just take off the tank when T-Shirt Song is played. Fuck, I'm so excited. That just made me even more excited. Fuck!"

Mason grinned as he watched Jules get gradually more restless in excitement.

Elias: youre adorable

Elias: hey are u in a relationship? i cant imagine not

Jules was still shifting around a little when he rolled his eyes, plucking a string out of the pillow. He looked up at the other message sound, blushing again. "Damn, you like making me blush. No, I'm not. Haven't been in many, either, if you're gonna ask that next."

Mason pursed his lips, silencing an excited yell. He fist-pumped quietly.

Elias: you're really cute when you blush

Elias: and you're

Elias: into guys?

Jules blushed more, rolling his eyes again. He was silent for a second as he struggled to force the words out. "Yeah. I'm bi, if that helps." He focused his gaze on the pillow again, smiling a little. Elias definitely was interested. "You're more flirty than usual right now."

Elias: can't help it looking at you

Elias: i just think you're really cool

Elias: hot, too

Elias: gotta include both ends of the temperature spectrum

Jules snorted. "I think you're really cool yourself. And probably hot as hell. Can't see your face though, so I'm relying on the idea that you're not some sixty year old mouth breather flirting with me through the internet, like my parents warned me about. And if you are, you're rich, so be my sugar daddy, please and thank you."

Elias: it means shit, i know, but i swear im not 60. ur right, im definitely hot. and young. v muscular. probably the guy of ur dreams. and i would happily be your sugar daddy, baby

Jules blushed, unable to hide his grin. He blew a kiss at the camera, laughing. Being called baby had definitely felt... weird. Maybe it was the nerves. "Thanks, daddy," he teased, blushing harder when he said it. God, his face was going to be the color of an apple soon.

Mason's eyes widened at that, and he cursed himself for actually not minding being called daddy. But, hey, if it works, it works.

Elias: oh, you're into that? ;)

Elias: record for blushing goes to Jules!

Jules huffed. "Asshole. Shut up." He wanted to hide his face in the pillow, but that would get glitter everywhere. "Fuck. I should go soon."

Elias: pretty sure you like when im an asshole

Mason frowned as their alarms rang at that moment. Andrew whined loudly as he dropped himself to the floor from the top bunk. He snorted. Nice timing, Jules.

Elias: :(

Elias: you should i guess :(

Elias: its gonna be good!!

Jules sighed. As much as he loved and adored Nosam... He didn't want to go. He wanted to keep talking to Elias. "I'll message from my phone when I get there, though! And I'll take lots of pictures and videos for the site. My sister is coming with me, too, I'm so excited." He grinned, his excitement returning. "I'll talk to you later, Elías! Have a good day!"

Elias: you better

Elias: i might not answer for a bit tho ill be p busy today

Elias: talk to you later! have a good day, jules x

Mason sighed as he left Jules' room, but grinned as he thought about seeing her in the crowd. It was gonna be awesome.

⧫

Hours later, the place was packed and Mason urged the guys along, getting hyped by all the noise. "Guys, c'mon! Let's say hi to some people."

Once they reached the lines, Mason grinned, touching hands and greeting people from the other side of the cord.

"Dude! You look hardcore!" he gasped as he saw a guy with glitter, lipstick, fishnets, and a ripped Nosam tank. A fucking killer concert outfit. God, he loved fans. The guy's eyes widened, and he grinned wide as Mason gave his hand a squeeze. He scanned the crowds, looking for Jules. She had to be there somewhere.

Andrew came up behind him, muttering in his ear. "You're fucking whipped before even meeting her."

Mason smacked his back and flipped Andrew's hood up over his face to annoy him. Andrew flipped him off as he pushed it back down.

Jules stood in line with Rosaline, bouncing a little as he messaged Elías.

familyjules: in line! we're way at the front but some assholes camped overnight and froze their asses off so they deserve being here first

"Oh my God, oh my God, Jules— Jullian! Look up, holy shit, they're right there," Rosaline said, yanking at Jules' arm. He looked up, gasping a little and bouncing even more.

"Holy fuck, that's them, in person, holy fuck— Fuck, look at Austin, he's so hot- And Chris looks so good—" Jules breathed, grinning.

Andrew blinked, impressed as he noticed a girl wearing a dress that... was made of Nosam shirts? Shit. And next to her was— Andrew stopped, almost barreling into a fan, who did not seem to mind very much. According to the few pictures of Jules that Mason had shown him, the person next to that girl was either Jules or a convincing look-alike. Andrew looked to Mason, who was scanning in the opposite direction, and rolled his eyes. He elbowed Mason, "Dude, check out that dress."

Mason whipped his head in the direction Andrew was pointing, and his jaw dropped. It was a cool dress— very cool— but holy shit, it was Jules. Fuck. He started to move behind Andrew until he remembered Jules didn't know it was him. Right. Duh. His heart beat unnaturally loud in his ears as he stepped towards them. What if he was wrong and he wanted it to be Jules so badly that he'd convinced himself that's who he was looking at? Maybe Jules didn't even exist. No person could look that good.

They were coming their way. "Holy fuck and they're looking right at us aren't they? It's the glitter and your Nosam dress, you funky little designer!" Jules breathed it all, grinning wide and shaking Rosaline's shoulders.

Mason pulled Andrew along with him and puffed out a breath as he walked towards them, smiling, looking to the girl beside Jules, eyeing her dress in awe. "Hey, guys! You both look amazing. I think this is the most impressive gig outfit I've ever seen. How long did it take you to make that?"

Rosaline grinned, shrugging off her jacket so they could see it all. "Around twelve hours. It was hard as hell to put all of it together and cut the shirts. Totally worth it, though!"

Jules grinned, taking her hand and twirling her. "And the bottom is rainbow and glitter cause she's definitely not gay but an ally and as campy as a drag queen." Jules laughed a little, meeting Mason's eyes, then Andrew's. Mason's breath caught.

"Shut up, Jules," Rosaline said, shoving Jules jokingly. He lifted his hands by his shoulders.

Mason smiled happily as the smallest sliver of doubt dissipated when she said Jules. "I'm impressed. Really impressed. Right, Drew?"

Andrew had been distracted by another fan he was taking a picture with, but he turned, glancing at Jules and Rosaline a little awkwardly and nodding, smiling a bit.

Mason laughed at her words and at her sister shoving her. He took a couple of meet-and-greet passes from his pocket and offered them, grinning. "That dress is the best thing I've seen all tour, so I hope I'll see you at the meet and greet."

Jules's jaw dropped. "Holy fuck, no way!" He laughed, looking up at Mason in shock. "You're kidding me, right? Meet and greets?" He grinned, taking one when Rosaline took the other, too shocked to speak.

"Yes way!" Mason grinned wide at them.

"Holy fuck, you funky little designer!" Jules said, latching onto Rosaline and lifting her the way he always did to annoy her. "I knew that dress was good luck. You didn't fuckin' nick your finger once while making it."

He turned back to Mason after putting her down when she threatened to punch him, grinning still. "Thank you. Holy fuck, thank you. Y— We'll definitely be there. It's not like we have anything better to do than meet you guys."

Mason's cheeks hurt from smiling as Jules laughed and lifted the girl. "Don't sweat it. Completely understandable if you find something better to do. Although, I don't know what people in Michigan do. Skate on Lake Mich? Hockey?" he teased. "Just give them to someone else so they don't go to waste. Although I'll be bummed if I don't see you there," he said, meeting Jules' eyes for a second.

Jules froze a little at the hockey comment, blinking and forcing himself to breathe. He suddenly felt a lot colder than he was. Tugging his jacket tighter around him, he forced a smile and nodded. "Don't worry. We'll be there." He felt himself shaking a little and found it kind of hard to breathe. His hand found Rosaline's after a second.

"We'll definitely be there," Rosaline said, grinning at Mason. She squeezed Jules's hand, knowing exactly what was going on. It had happened before. She took the pass from Jules and stuffed it in her bag with her own, one hand still in Jules'.

Mason's smile disappeared for a moment at Jules' reaction. Oh, fuck. Did he say something wrong? He grinned again, turning to Jules' sister. "So, I hope you don't mind, but I just need a picture with you...?" he trailed off, hoping for a name.

"Rosaline," she said, grinning.

"Beautiful name," Mason smiled. Jules' twin sister seemed extremely cool.

"I—" Rosaline looked back at Jules, who nodded and let go of her hand. "Okay. Jules, do you wanna take it?"

Jules looked for a second, then nodded, taking out his phone. He still had the convo with Elías open. That gave him an idea. "Uh— this is kind of a weird question, but could you message my friend too after the picture? He'll lose his shit if he knows I met you." He grinned again at the thought of Elías's reaction.

Mason watched Jules fiddle around with the camera. He was maybe freaking out a little. He definitely said something wrong. Was it the flirting? Or did he offend her with the hockey jab?

His eyebrows rose in surprise as Jules mentioned her friend, and he nodded enthusiastically. "Of course."

Jules lifted his phone after opening the camera, taking a picture of Mason and Rosaline together. "Oh— oh, do you need it on your phone? Is it for security or something?"

"Uh, yeah," Mason took out his phone. "Actually, you should get in this too," he motioned for both of them to take a selfie with him and made a silly face, and then took another one with a smile.

Jules blushed a little at the way Mason looked at him. He stood behind Rosaline, crossing his eyes and opening his mouth, then simply grinning.

He handed his phone over to Mason afterward, then explained a little bit where the text was and everything. "Oh, his name is Elías. Accent on the 'I'. Please, for the love of all things holy, mention the username and embarrass the shit out of him. He deserves it for that."

"Gotcha," Mason took the phone carefully, wanting to laugh at how ridiculous this situation was. God, how was this gonna end? He pushed the thought aside and managed to laugh at the username.

familyjules: hey Elías! its nosam's Mason! i met your friend Jules today, im flattered you wanna fuck me, maybe we can meet up sometime? ;) x

He smiled in amusement as he showed Jules the message. "How's that?"

Jules took back the phone and grinned. "Perfect." He looked up and met Mason's eyes again. His smile was better, just still a bit forced. "Thank you. You're awesome."

"Anytime, Jules," he gave her a silly, lopsided grin eyes bright. "It was awesome to meet you guys."

He saw Austin walking by and waved him over, hopping a little. "Hey, Austin, check out this rad dress and these rad people."

Austin smiled over at them, although he was surrounded by people. "Very rad dress! Thanks for coming, guys," he gave them a thumbs up.

Jules froze again when Austin came over, for a completely different reason. He grinned, unable to speak.

Rosaline snapped in front of his face. "I— God, sorry. Jules is a mess right now." She elbowed him, but he was just staring at Austin. "Thank you for coming all the way up here. It's the only reason we could come. We tried to go to Detroit once, but our parents wouldn't let us go that far alone in just one day and night." She grinned at Austin.

"Y— You're Austin," Jules breathed.

"No problem," Austin smiled, "That's me. Jules, yeah? Would it be okay if I hugged you?" he glanced at Mason for a split second. Mason glared at him for the same amount of time. Asshole.

Austin's smile grew.

Jules nodded enthusiastically, holding up his arms and hugging Austin tight. Holy fuck, he was hugging Austin Salinas. And Mason Hill was right there. And he'd meet Chris later, and Andrew had smiled at him. This was the best day of his life. He closed his eyes and buried his face against Austin's shoulder, then realized that was weird and he was hugging too long and pulled away.

Austin grinned, laughing and hugging Jules just as tight for a second longer. "You're a good hugger."

Jules laughed. "So are you," he said after they pulled away.

That was an unnecessarily long hug.

Mason pouted, glancing at Rosaline. "Now I want a hug. Rosaline?" he grinned, holding out his arms.

Rosaline hugged him, grinning. She hugged him just a bit too long too, wishing she could have hugged Andrew but beyond happy to hug Mason.

Jules paused for a second, then hugged Mason, face against his chest. "Thank you."

Mason was surprised at the hug, frozen in place for a second before taking a deep breath and relaxing into it. He wrapped his arms around Jules and smiled contentedly. This is what a hug is, fuck every other one I've ever had.

Jules was a little too relaxed into the hug. It felt right for some reason. While Austin's hug was awesome, Mason's was warm and soft and felt incredible. Jules didn't want to let go.

Mason hugged Jules as long as he could without it being weird, and then let her go. "Alright, we should go set up. See you guys later!" he smiled. Austin said goodbye, giving Mason a mocking look, sighing wistfully at him.

"Shut up, Austin," Mason shoved at him, hands on his shoulders as they walked away.

"I didn't speak, Mason," Austin grinned, "She's really cute. I get why you've been annoying the shit out of us this whole time."

"Don't you have a girlfriend already, Sally?"

Jules smiled at them as they left, waving, then turned to Rosaline, tears in his eyes. "We just— Holy fuck, we just met Nosam and got meet and greet passes, Rosa."

Mason loved performing. He'd happily do it for the rest of his life, and that was the plan. He was addicted to the roar of the crowd, to the sound of thousands of people singing along with him, to their songs. It was always surreal, always like being in another world. It was a high. But this concert, he had been especially happy that he could see Jules at the front of the crowd the whole time, just as excited as everyone else was. Jules' proximity was especially wonderful after T-Shirt Song, because fuck, was Jules even hotter without a shirt. Who needed shirts? Nobody. That's what T-Shirt Song was all about (not really, but roll with it).

After the concert, Jules had a newfound love for Mason Hill. He'd loved him before, but not like this. On stage, he was hilarious and bounced around and was so theatrical... it was exactly how Jules wanted to be on stage. He demanded a presence, and made sure he got what he wanted. There was no doubt in anything he did, even if he did make a fool of himself at times and absolutely roasted himself. It was astounding. Mason had delivered everything Jules had hoped for and then some.

At Mason's insistence that everyone in the crowd had to, Jules had stripped off his shirt during T-Shirt Song, then threw it on stage after. Mason had made eye contact with him... a lot, actually, after that, especially during flirty songs. It was like he wanted to fuck or something, and Jules had informed Elías of this. But Elías wasn't replying, which made sense, since he'd said he'd be busy, but it made Jules a little sad.

They were in the back of the line for the meet-and-greet, sadly, but would definitely get to see them because of the passes. Jules wiped some glitter off his forehead while they waited, closer to the front now that the event was almost over, humming to himself. He was sweating after all the moving around, so he was just wearing a bra and his open flannel, bouncing on the balls of his feet next to an exhausted Rosaline. His throat hurt, and it was the best experience of his life. Rosa's throat hurt, and it was the worst experience of her life.

"Wimp," he teased, grinning at her. He coughed a little. "Oh. We're up."

When they were reaching the end of the meet & greet line, Mason grinned as he saw Jules and Rosaline. All of Nosam was shirtless, even Chris, who was rocking scars from his top surgery, still looking fairly pink after over a year. It was incredible how it had gone from cold as hell to hot as shit with all the moving around.

"Hey, Jules! Rosaline!" Mason shouted, waving them forward when the twins had gotten to the front of the meet & greet line.

"Good to see you guys again," Austin smiled at them as he ran his hand through sweaty, wavy hair and pushed his glasses up.

Andrew shot them an awkward smile through the Twizzler in his mouth. His hair was sticking to his forehead as he saluted the pair.

"How're you guys doing? You weren't kidding, that dress is wonderful," Chris stared at the dress, leaning against the table to get a closer look at the detail.

Jules grinned, dragging a tired and stunned Rosaline with him. He still had some post-concert adrenaline rushing through his veins.

"That was the best concert of my life," Jules said. "You guys are fucking awesome up there. Better than the videos I've seen online."

"Glad we made such a lasting impression," Mason teased, smirking at Jules.

"The best concert of my life was probably All Time Low," Austin muttered absentmindedly, yawning. Andrew snorted as he stuck a Twizzler in his open mouth. Austin choked on it, yanking it out of his mouth and tossing it back at him. Andrew laughed, catching it and putting it in his mouth.

Rosaline coughed before she spoke. "Thank you about the dress. And for the passes. This is amazing."

"Thank you!" Chris grinned big, "It was a long time coming. Was definitely a weight off my chest." He winked and finger-gunned them. "You're the amazing ones."

Jules laughed softly, then took a deep breath and looked at Chris. "I— Uh— Can I get a picture? Please?"

"Hell yeah," Chris got up and put an arm around Jules' shoulder for the picture, smiling.

Rosa did the same with Andrew, a little nervous. "Can—" She stopped for a second, taking a deep breath, then smiled sheepishly. "Can I get a picture with you, Andrew?"

"Yeah," Andrew replied, almost inaudible. He immediately got up, taking a picture with her and hugging her.

Rosaline hugged Andrew back happily, on the verge of tears. This was the best day of her life. He spoke to her. He actually spoke to her.

After they got their pictures, Jules grinned at Mason. "And can I get another picture with you? I don't have one on my phone of us, and no one will ever believe me if I don't get one." He handed his phone off to Rosaline, who took it gladly. "Also— Uh— Could you kiss my cheek? I've seen a lot of those online—"

Mason grinned happily as he took the pic with Jules, hand on her back. He smiled, laughing warmly when she asked for a cheek kiss. He kissed her cheek, pausing a moment with his lips on her face for the picture. He hugged her again afterwards, almost picking her up off the ground.

Jules grinned, hugging him back. He squeezed tight, then thanked Mason and took a picture with Austin.

After a few more minutes of awkward conversation about the concert and Rosaline's dress, it was announced that the meet & greet was over and they had to go. Jules pouted a little, but said bye, waving. He turned around only after a few backward steps, trying to come to terms with the fact that he'd just met Nosam twice in one day.

Mason watched Jules walk away, biting his lip and slowly leaning back in his chair, sighing in abject sadness. He was sad, and he was staring at Jules' ass, and he was thinking that it was completely unfair that even though, yes, he finally got to meet Jules, it was for such a short amount of time, and she didn't even know who he was. And, yeah, maybe he had also been staring at her ass the whole time she was walking away.

Austin thumped him on the head. "I can practically hear your thoughts right now and they're gross, Mason."

Mason only smirked.

When Mason had finally showered and eaten, he fell onto his bed. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about Jules. Which wasn't exactly new, honestly, but now it was like, multiplied times a thousand. He eagerly took out his phone.

masonfucker1000: holy shit !!! holy shit

masonfucker1000: i got a message from mason hill. you met him!

There was a knot forming in his stomach as he sent the message. The concert had affected this whole situation way too much. Mason had been stuck. It was a catch-22. He had to see Jules, but now that he'd met her everything was suddenly real, and horrifying and he was even more aware of how he was sort of catfishing, but like, next-level celebrity catfishing (that should totally be a show). And if he hadn't met her, he'd still be suffering dramatically and daydreaming about it, but at least it would have been simpler and he would have been ignorant.

Jules had passed out as soon as he got home, but woke up to messages from Elías. He grinned, rolling over in bed and rubbing at his eyes.

familyjules: FUCK YES I DID hold on i'll post the pics in the concert thread

familyjules: GUYS MY SISTER AND I WON THE M&G PASSES AND I HUGGED AUSTIN TWICE AND MASON TWICE AND GOT A SHIT TON OF PICTURES LOOK

Seven Photo Attachments

masonfucker1000: YOU GOT A CHEEK KISS? that is one hot man. and by that i mean mason. mason is one hot man. tell me the truth. who was the better hugger?

familyjules: okay look you know i love austin but mason's hug was so warm and soft i loved it. i made him hug me to compare for you and i preferred his (but don't tell austin i'm betraying him)

Mason kicked his legs, hollering. "In your face, Austin! I'm the better hugger!"

Austin rolled his eyes. "Jules is biased and doesn't even know it."

masonfucker1000: fuck yeah!!!! mason is the superior hugger! dude did u say earlier that he looked like he wanted to fuck

Mason could not fucking believe he had no self-control. She noticed that he was staring like a fucking idiot.

familyjules: yes i did he kept staring at me and he was singing all the flirty songs and looking directly at me and even kissed my hand once during one of them. i was shook. he's a flirt i knew that but it felt different. like he was trying to woo me

masonfucker1000: uhhhhh lucky bastard!!!!! you got a hand kiss and a cheek kiss! 2 hugs! lemme know when u guys fuck!!

Mason yawned, grinning as he posted the pictures with Jules and Rosaline on his Instagram. He cropped the one with him and Jules sticking out their tongues and made it his background, blushing as he stared at it.

Jules laughed again, yawning. He really wanted some more sleep.

familyjules: shut up that's not gonna happen and even if it did it would require us meeting again. i did find a new love for mason hill tonight, tho i'm not gonna nut for him all over the internet like you!

familyjules: i'm gonna get some more sleep, btw. my legs feel like they're jello

masonfucker1000: lies!!! youre definitely gonna nut for him!

masonfucker1000: aw, get some more sleep, darling jules! x

Jules smiled at the message, even though there was something a little weird about it.

familyjules: have a good day, darling elías 💙

Mason wanted to be happy about the message and the heart, but she'd called him Elias. He sighed, putting his phone aside and shutting his eyes in an attempt to sleep and not think about it, even though he suspected it wouldn't work.

#writeblr #writers on tumblr #lgbt fiction #trans fiction #lgbt stories #celebritystatus

[wienerlicious]

so @oswinstark tagged me in a thing:

Rules: answer 20 questions and tag 20 wonderful followers you want to know better

Name - Nat

Nickname - Nat.  haha i guess #1 wasn’t really my full first name but i don’t really like people calling me by my full name on the internet.  have some cute nicknames Taylor used to call me: Bear, Little Bear, My Bear, My Lion, Nuh-tally Bear, Nuh-tally...

Zodiac sign - Virgo

Height - 5′9″

Orientation - queer.  not straight.  haha i kind of don’t like publicly slapping a label on myself.  i lean incredibly heavily toward girls i guess i’ll say.  nothing official or technical sounding publicly tho :)

Ethnicity - German

Favourite fruit - growing up it was strawberries.  now it’s probably blueberries.  or plums.  probably plums.  blackberries are rad too tho.

Favourite season - ask me a year ago and i would’ve said summer, but i was dealing with a skin condition all this summer and the sweat really bothered my skin and killed the season for me.  also my air conditioner is broken.  probably fall.

Favourite book series - shit dude i haven’t read books in fucking forever.  i’m gonna fuckin date how old i was when i last read actively and say Maximum Ride, Generation Dead, and Pretty Little Liars were all my shit.  if comics count the latest run of Black Widow was pretty bomb and so was Fraction’s Hawkeye.  oh!  and i really really really got heavy into 1872!  but i kind of stopped reading comics too and i just absorb whatever fuckery is going on now through social media and summaries and shit

Favourite flower - um idk.  back when i was dancing people would buy me flowers and so i was really learning about different types of flowers i got really partial to Spider Mums.  that was a long time ago tho so idk.

Favourite scent - god i’m such a fucking piece of shit because i literally have to answer Taylor to this.  fuck.  especially those little shaved hair side of head spots - like 1 part hair goop, 2 parts Taylor.  best smell.

Favourite colour - pink

Coffee, tea or cocoa - cocoa probably.  there’s this coffee kiosk in fashion valley mall called Better Buzz.  apparently it’s like a Thing in San Diego and they have a bunch of locations and i get why they’re a Thing because i crave their cocoa all the time.  even when i get coffee it’s usually a mocha lol.

Average sleep time - lately i’ve been lucky to get like 2hrs lol.  when i’m working and have a social life and not currently going through a life crisis, i sleep literally as long as i can to be ready for work the next morning.  when i have no obligations and no life crisis, i can sleep for like 16hrs tbh.

Cat or dog person? - cats 10000%.  i love other people’s dogs but i’m allergic and they’re so much work and since they play outside so much they get so dirty and like.  i don’t think i could ever have one.

Favourite fictional character - tie between Tony Stark and Natasha Romanoff and probably Sarah Walker too but it’s been too long since i’ve rewatched Chuck so she’s fading from my mind too much it’s bad :S

Dream trip - fuck idk.  i’m just thinking of places i wanted to go with Taylor ugh.  it’s not so much the “where” for me as the “doing what” and “with who.”  as far as locations go i love all of our national parks that i visited as a kid and would love to go back, and also visit ones i haven’t been to before.  i really want to leave the country tho, go to Australia while The Veronicas are touring or something.  or see Germany, where my family’s from.  or like wait for a Pokemon Go event and get a region exclusive and attend an event in like England or Japan or Australia or something.

Number of followers - holy shit i’m down to 2,147 lmao y’all have been unfollowing like mad.  sorry dudes.

Thing you are most proud of - fuck this one’s hitting me hard.  i’m honestly not really proud of anything.  like every cool thing i’ve accomplished has been a result of right place + right time + surface deep charisma.  uh.  idk.  i’m proud of some of my costumes i’ve made, but in the moment all i can really see are the flaws.  maybe i’m proud of other people’s perceptions of me????  other people are always pretty impressed by my costume work, and that surface deep charisma really comes in handy before people like really get to know me.

If you’d go on a quest, what would it be? fuckin winning Taylor back or something.  haha fuck that’s pathetic.  legit tho like maybe building a way to go back in time or something - just upload my knowledge and consciousness to like my like.  idk, November 2016 self?  December 2016 self?  i had a job i knew was kind of shitty but was still taking full advantage of, a full friend group that was already starting to fall apart but still kinda there, my relationship was just starting to really kick off... idk like i’d go back and really have my shit together.  like i’d super USE that job to network with Marvel higher ups, and the people who worked on the lighting & items in our exhibit, try to get a job with a third party company that worked with the exhibit.  i’d fucking tone down my personality and be the fucking glue for all my friends that were drifting apart and starting drama.  i’d learn how to drive so i could actually organise and host shit for people instead of just hoping someone else would throw something.  i’d be more confident and brave and just like.  stop assuming people don’t want to hang out with me and fucking put myself out there.  i’d squash down every insecurity i had in the very beginning of my relationship and really throw myself into it.  i’d go off the birth control that was making me depressed and find a new solution.  i’d fucking force us to communicate better and i’d openly talk about how i wanted to live out there instead of just gently putting the idea out there that i did want to live out there but only when Taylor would bring it up.  i’d know who to trust and who not to trust, who would still be there for me when my life has gone to shit and who would sell me out for a half baked attempt at a promotion that they’d throw away a month later. fuck that really got away from me i over explained but yeah.  quest to time travel.  haha.

um i really hate tagging people in shit because i don’t know who i’d be a bother to vs. who wants to interact with me more so idk.

if any of you want to answer these, please do!  and then tag and @ me in your post so that i can read them, because i would really like to read them! :)