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virusinfected-memes · 1 year

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TIK TOK SENTENCE STARTERS, PT. 5 ;

85 starters. CW: cussing, sexual themes, violence. Some starters are just random quotes from Tik Tok creators, some starters are from Tik Tok trends that have popped up over the past year or so. The original sources of these trends are from various memes, shows, songs, and other popular media. Feel free to change words and pronouns as needed! [PARTS: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4]

"Alright, on your knees, mortal scum! You stand in the presence of _____!"

"Always remember: you may not be able to change the past, but you can still ruin the future."

"Am I ever gonna get it?"

"And if you call me a bitch, make sure to put 'sensitive' in front of it."

"And I keep my side of the street clean. You wouldn't know what I mean."

"But I can't forgive you."

"But I don't want to stay in the middle."

"Can I get a kiss? And can you make it last forever?"

"Come out and haunt me."

"Did I mistake you for a sign from God?"

"Don't be ridiculous, _____. Everybody wants this."

"Don't try to find me."

"Do you ever just have this deep seated desire to bother people? I have clown blood."

"Do you think I'm fragile?"

"Do you wanna dance, baby?"

"Everybody wants to rule the world."

"Get in, sparkle farts! We got chaos to spread!"

"Help me make the most of freedom and of pleasure."

"Honey, I love you. I think you're a terrific girl. But you have clothes like a fucking dickhead."

"I can't take Benadryl because I owe the Hat Man money and I don't want to see him."

"I didn't know I could love something this much until I laid my eyes on you."

"I don't ever wanna see you and I never wanna miss you again."

"I don't need to be fixed. I need to be rebuilt."

"If you touch that again, I shall kill you right now. Do not touch this! This is a 'no touching' zone!"

"I got nothing to lose."

"I guarantee I gotcha'."

"I have not behaved one single day of my life. Not one single day have I behaved and I'm fine."

"I just can't say goodbye."

"I just heard a butt-curdling scream."

"I know that violence is not the answer, but... Yes, it is."

"I know you see me looking at you on the daily."

"I know you want me."

"I love that Netflix was like, "OoOoh, we're gonna reduce your quality to 480p if you don't pay us more!" Like, bruh... I come from the land of 144p Naruto episodes cut into sixteen parts on YouTube. 480 is luxury. 480 is bouge."

"I'm absolutely a danger to my own mental health."

"I'm comin' back for you, baby."

"I mean, look at this thing! I can't imagine a more beautiful thing."

"I mean, what if I don't want to live the way you live?"

"I might be broke as hell tomorrow, but that's alright, 'cause I'm that bitch today."

"I might kill my ex. Not the best idea."

"I'm in a trance lately."

"I'm not going to nap. I'm just going to rest my eyes and clench my teeth for a little while."

"Im not like other girls. I'm worse."

"I'm one of those witches, babe."

"I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say."

"I'm the love witch. I seduce men with my spells, my potions, my eyes, and my body."

"I'm tired of working on myself. I will now be unapologetically insane."

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it, like, six or seven times."

"In my dreams, I'm making you pasta and nothing bad has happened to us yet."

"I said I wasn't gonna be judgmental, but fuck it. I'm sick, I have an excuse."

"I think I like when it rains."

"It's already too late for you to try and run away."

"It's me. Hi. I'm the problem, it's me."

"I want to get on my broomstick and fly away with my kitty to another city to work on my witch powers, then live with a pregnant woman who owns a bakery and start a delivery service."

"I want to go to there."

"I was at about six there. You don't wanna see me go to ten."

"Mortals, behold! The glory of the kill is mine!"

"No, I don't think you understand. I'm obsessed."

"Normalize being a sleepyhead. It's okay to be eternally trapped within the realm of ancient dreams."

"Nothing ever lasts forever."

"Not working out? Not eating right? Fucked up sleep schedule? You aren't depressed. You're on your way to achieving tremendous arcane power. Become the wizard you were meant to be."

"Oh, you think the b-word's offensive? You should hear what I say in the Call of Duty lobbies."

"Okay, I don't know how you went this long without knowing this, but there are people out there who create original Sonic the Hedgehog characters, and often those characters fuck."

"Okay, well, what you said was some bullshit. That's what it is."

"Okay... Why'd you have to fucking bring that up?"

"One kiss is all it takes."

"Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why."

"So you're telling me if I killed your family, you wouldn't be my friend anymore?"

"Take a swing. Here's my neck."

"The next time you feel lazy, remember that laziness is a puritanical myth based on the sin of idleness and is used to oppress people into forced labor."

"There are currently no bug-dragon dual type Pokémon, but I wanna share a few insects that I think would make good candidates for being the first."

"They keep on asking me who is he."

"What are you gonna do with that? You gonna hit me? Better make it count. Better make it hurt. Better kill me with one shot."

"Whatever I've done, I did it for love."

"Which was more culturally significant? The Renaissance... or 'Single Ladies' by Beyoncé?"

"Who wants to look simple when you can look stunning?"

"Why do I keep getting attracted?"

"Why don't you sit right down and stay a while?"

"Why do we keep telling people who aren't freaky that they're vanilla? Vanilla is the freakiest flavor. Like, look at ice cream, for example. It goes good with all of the toppings. Vanilla doesn't care who you pair it up with, so long as they get on top. I aspire to be as slutty as vanilla is. Also, if you are a slut, what flavor of ice cream are you, bitch? Pistachio? Neo-political? That's fucking disgusting."

"Will I get over it? No. But life goes on."

"Yeah, I'm gay. Good at Yu-Gi-Oh."

"Yes, I am doing blasphemy! Yes!"

"You better fix my entire life, you little shit."

"You can't keep me waiting."

"You might play the same games as me, but I play them in a far worse and more unskilled way than you ever will."

"You're just being cynical."

#ask meme #roleplay meme #roleplay prompt #rp meme #rp prompt #rp starters #rp sentence starters #sentence starters #tik tok #* mine

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goldenlaquer · 3 years

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Can we get kink hcs for Yan... 👀 or... Get fucked by- 😘

by what 👁 by what 👁 by what 👁

Yan NSFW Headcanons:

Size difference. Saw it coming a mile away, didn’t ya? The size difference is probably something Yan pretty much has no choice but to like anyway. But it turns different when he knows that you like it too. He likes that he can hear you quietly gasp in awe when he looms over you, the sheer size of his stature covering everything and more. He likes it when you like his strength, your soft fingers touching the rippling muscles and marveling at the quiet, unmistakable power that lies beneath his skin. Likes it when he takes out his cock and your eyes blow wide and hungry and your hips can’t decide whether to shy away or eagerly tilt forward. When he sees you mewl and palm at the small bulge of your tummy when he barely slides in half-way,and the knowledge that dawns in you that that’s him, and your reaction to that knowledge, eyes rolling back as you gush enough slick to allow him to sink in those last few inches. Yan’s not a preener by any long-shot, but hell, it’s a turn on for him when you’re so obviously aroused by his body.

Marking. God, he’s so so careful about not hurting you, doesn’t want to make one wrong move when you’re so fragile compared to him. So it makes him feel guilty for not feeling guilty, when he sees the bruises that encircle your wrists, your waist, your thighs, hips. He should try harder to not let himself go the next time around, should try harder to not get pulled into your pleading whispers to give you something to remember him by when he’s away, but even the Yato have weaknesses. And when you manage to do it to him? Yan’s half-impressed and half-hard when he angles his back in the mirror to see the angry red lines and teeth marks crossing it. They’ll easily heal by the end of the day, but to see the physical proof on him of just how good he fucked you... Yan takes a moment to commit those wounds to memory, male pride ridiculously elevated.

Thigh fucking. He’s going to take his time with you, little miss, pulling your legs together over one shoulder, slotting his cock in between the tight gap of your supple inner thighs, and draaag it in and out against your sticky folds. Just like that, with your cunt soaking his underside and your hands helplessly clinging to the sheets as he provides you mind-numbing friction, it’s one of his favorite ways to make you cum before he finally relents to your clawing and pushes into your heat.

Scent. Scent? Yan has pretty much something going on with the good way you smell bruh. Can you blame him? A tin can floating in space with twenty something other Yatos isn’t the greatest olfactory experience; Yan thinks his sense of smell has dulled in self-preservation. But it all the more makes him appreciate the gentle fragrance of your soap and the feminine musk that lies underneath. Fucking nirvana to Yan. It grows more addicting for him by the second, makes him nose his way all over your body and seek out the places where the natural scent grows stronger and sweeter.

When he wakes up earlier than you, Yan rolls over, kisses your shoulder in greeting and opens your legs just enough to let his head slip in between them and start hungrily licking at your cunny, lapping at your slit still wet and spread from the night before and pulling your little clit between his teeth to lazily suck. It’s gratifying to him to see you slowly wake up, tiny confused moans as you twitch between dream and reality, your hands grasping at his hair and pulling a bit to make sure he’s the real thing (raspy voice murmuring out “Y-yan?”) before ultimately tugging his face closer so you can slowly cum into his hot, open mouth. The best way to start the morning, in his opinion, is your soft and warm body lying satiated on his bed, cutely tuckered out back into blissful sleep.

Hair pulling too. missy, you pull his tail and you won’t be walking straight the next day. or several.

#gintama #gintama headcanons #gintama oc #my oc #yan #not sfw #answered ask

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dropdafawkz · 4 years

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(Imagine mermista and catra are on some adventure stuck together and catra just said something mean)

“Of course you’d have to be like this. I don’t know what everyone was expecting.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you’re still you, Catra! The girl who tried to kill us all and nearly did in that weird portal world where I had a trident and was called Sea Ra. You’re the girl who freaks and lashes out unless you’re even a little bit worried that Adora isn’t pried to you tight enough, who hurts people when she feels scared; everyone keeps saying you’ve changed because you and Adora are in love or whatever but it’s still you, you’re still the girl who invaded my kingdom, conquered my people, destroyed their homes. That was you that they ran from, and it’s you that they see in their nightmares which I have to deal really early in the morning. Just because you’ve moved on from everything doesn’t mean they did. I loved my kingdom and you took it from me. I hated you! And I hate being angry!” Mermista groaned, grabbing her hair with her fists. “This is so embarrassing!”

She saw that Catra was shaking and sighed. “If you think you’re going to just blow up at me and we’ll have some big dramatic fight don’t bother because I’m kind of over it-” she stopped and took a closer look. Catra was crying.

“THANK YOU.”

Catra had grabbed onto Mermista’s wrist and she wrenched away. “...excuse me?”

“This whole time all anyone has been able to talk about is how they’ve forgiven me and how much I’ve changed and that everything is fine and it’s been driving me crazy. No one forgives that easily, no matter how good you guys are. All this time I’ve been waiting for everything to snap back into place, for someone to finally stop pretending that nothing happened and admit it; you don’t trust me, you’re furious at me and you’ll never forgive me because you hate me. It is such a relief to know that I was right, and Adora was wrong. This is amazing!”

Mermista narrowed her eyes at the triumph in Catra’s voice and her upraised tail. She felt like groaning or sighing or rolling her eyes in some way that expressed her exasperation but she felt tired from her outburst and couldn’t bother. I can’t believe I have to do this.

“I mean, yeah I don’t trust you. Big deal. I don’t trust Entrapta either. Or Frosta; that girl’s going to get scarier when she grows up and I’m just not willing to say anything. And I am not furious. You are not going to talk about what we’re talking about right now and if you do then you won’t tell anyone I was furious because I wasn’t. I was upset a normal level and I said what was needed in a cool and controlled manner.”

Catra was doing her best to act like she wasn’t listening but still glanced at Mermista from the corner of her eyes. “....right. That’s definitely not how it went, you didn’t let your guard down.

“It’s not like that, I’m totally fine with being vulnerable and stuff, being closed off is your thing and my thing is different, I’m just a really laid back person. And I mean, it seems kind of hard for me not to forgive you. You and Adora like never leave each other’s sides anymore and we’re still all a part of this kind of group of powerful and important people that keep getting called together to do stuff for Etherea. Honestly it’s not going to take much for me to forgive you, that whole rage and vengeance thing just isn’t worth the effort.”

“I...can attest to that.”

“And I don’t. Hate you, or whatever. I did. But I’m just not in that place right now. Plus you’re one of the only people around here who’s not gushing with excitement about the future and rebuilding and (entrapta voice) space, so I’ll probably have to hang around you just to get away from that.”

Catra laughed, then stopped to think for a moment and laughed anymore. Mermista looked at her oddly.

“Okay what I said wasn’t that funny.”

“I can’t believe that this is what I was afraid of all this time. I was on a track to kill myself and everyone else in the world because if I didn’t some Princess would stomp her foot and get mad at me.”

“I get that you’re having a moment or whatever but just so we’re clear that is absolutely not how you’re going to describe this.”

“Oh, there’s no way I’m telling anything. I think it’s best if we just return from our mission with an inexplicable end to our animosity and never let them know what beautiful soul bonding moment brought us together out there.”

“I like that. I hope that forgiving you part can come soon because I could really use a friend like you to talk about this stuff so that I don’t have to pretend it’s completely normal that Entrapta and Hordak are….”

“I know, right? Why can no one act like it’s a big deal, it’s not like Entrapta would even notice if we did. And if I were Hordak and I was in love with a member of an Alliance I’d tried to destroy, I’d be fine with a few people being weirded out by it. I don’t think Hordak or Entrapta are that fragile that everyone needs to be walking around on eggshells around them. I think it’s worse if they do because then they make a big thing out of it and Hordak might start to get scared of the...eggshells.”

“It’s driving me insane not being able to say anything about the two of them together. Oh, and I was wrong about something with you.”

A pause.

“Well?”

“You haven’t moved on, have you.”

Catra looked away, then struggled to move her head back to align with Mermista’s. She spoke through bared teeth.

“Adora and...Bo and I. Have agreed that sometimes. I need to start saying what I mean. So I get used to being direct. And vulnerable. So no. I don’t really feel like we’re not enemies anymore. And I can feel that you’re right. I am still the same person who did those things. I’m….happy with Adora but I still see Brightmoon as a target instead of a home. And all the people, the guards and the citizens and you princesses and I know your my friends now but I keep seeing enemies. All around me.”

BRUH SO MUCH HURT/COMFORT. Very “how did I get stuck with the water princess” vibes. You really came for my Catra feels? I think my fav part about this is that I can really hear Mermista’s voice in the way you write her dialogue. Like, they’re talking about something really serious, but I still hear her exasperated monotone. It’s fun but it doesn’t clash with the tone at all. So obviously this is the feelsy part of the fic, but at what point in this episode does Sea Hawk arrive to ruin everything? Do you think Catra would freak out when she realized Mermista could speak sea gull? YOU GOT ME ASKIN SO MANY QUESTIONS NOW.

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mae-gi-writes · 4 years

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Deobi Playlist (EP 7) | The Boyz Imagine

Ep 7: in which Mae and Kevin have THE TALK

The Boyz x Hospital Playlist inspired drabble series.

Main Characters: Hyunjae, Juyeon, Kevin and OC (Mae)

Sides: the rest of The Boyz.

Genre: fluff, slice of life, comedy, BROMANCE BRUH

EP 1 | EP 2 | EP 3 | EP 4 | EP 5 | EP 6 | EP 7 | EP 8 | EP 9 | EP 10 | EP 11

-----------------------------

“Yeonji?” Hyunjae asks.

“Yunji,” Juyeon corrects.

“Right, Yunhee.”

“Yun-ji. Yun and Ji.”

“Right right,” Hyunjae pauses, forehead creasing, “Yunji.”

“Fucking finally.”

Hyunjae frowns, before throwing his arms around Juyeon in a cuddle. The younger man shrieks like a girl as he thrashes in his embrace, “ew, get off!”

“I love you,’ Hyunjae says while batting his eyelashes up at him, causing Juyeon to sniff and push the caramel-haired man’s head away, “sure, sure.”

“Oh I see how it is now, can’t even say it back now that you’re going out with Yeonhee?”

“It’s YUNJI.”

“Oh shit. My bad. Anyway, same thing.”

Hyunjae totally ignores the glare that Juyeon sends him, which would’ve sent anyone else running despite the fact that he is an intern. Not many are aware of Juyeon’s childish and easy-going nature because of his serious expression and nonchalant manner of speech. That, as a result, has unfortunately garnered him a reputation as unapproachable.

Pushing Hyunjae’s face away so that he can shrug on his jacket, Juyeon grabs his bag before he says, “I’m off” and heads out of their shared office.

“Heading out already?”

“Date night.”

“But everyday is date night for you guys!”

Juyeon ignores him.

“Are you going to eat sushi?” he hears Hyunjae call out after him, “Or is it European tonight? Don’t forget to bring some back for me!”

Juyeon only proceeds to shut the door in his face and is satisfied when only silence resonates in the corridor. He loves -- adores -- Hyunjae with all his heart. But sometimes, the latter can be so loud and noisy that it takes up all of his energy to just keep up with him.

Nevertheless, a soft smile dances across his lips as he thinks back to his older friend’s pout when he’d mentioned that he was going on yet another date with Yunji, and hopes that Hyunjae can find romance with a possible candidate like Sarang around. If there’s one thing that the said man lacks in his life, it is indeed, someone special whom he can confide into.

Juyeon makes his way down to the ground floor as swiftly as he possibly can, ducking his head at the right time so that people don’t get suspicious of where he’s going, and only lifts his head when he’s out in the parking lot. Glancing right and left to ensure that the space is void of activity, he strides over to the red used car in the far corner: Yunji’s.

“Hey,” his girlfriend says as soon as he slides into the passenger seat and closes the door shut.

He grins back at her and without hesitation, drops a kiss onto her cheek, “hey noona.”

“You really love calling me that don’t you?” she teases while sliding the car out and onto the road, “so? Where to?”

With Juyeon’s directions, the pair find themselves parking off the side of the street next to the Han River before Juyeon motions towards a small eating shack nestled between two apartment buildings on the opposite side. It’s orange panel gleams with the words ‘Crispy Kitchen’ and his heart swells twice the size of his chest upon noticing how Yunji’s face lights up.

She looks at him with excitement dancing in her eyes, “fried chicken?”

He can’t help himself from curling a stray strand behind her ear, “you said you were craving it. That’s the best place that serves chicken, cross my heart.”

“You’re adorable,” Yunji says, leaning to peck him on the cheek, “let’s go.”

Two baskets of chicken wings and two beers later, the couple decide to walk off the amount of food by strolling along the Han river. The wind is cold enough to be pleasant but not chilly, and as Juyeon shyly slides his hand into Yunji’s while looking away, he can’t help the smile from breaking across his face when he feels her squeeze back, almost shyly, as if even she isn’t used to such things.

He had learnt, on their very first date, that she hadn’t had a relationship ever since she completed her Phd program. Her last one had been a complete disaster and the stupid bastard had been found cheating with one of her friends. Ever since then, she’d decided to focus on her career and hadn’t given dating a second thought-- until Juyeon came along.

“I really want to tell people you know,” Yunji confesses, looking up at him through her bags and her glasses catching the city lights in their reflection.

“I don’t know noona,” Juyeon answers with unease growing in his stomach, “I don’t think they’ll take it very nicely.”

“Who cares what people say?”

He bops her nose gently, “I don’t care about me, but what will they say about you?”

“Well, I don’t care what they say about me either,” she wrinkles her nose, “so why not? It’s not like it’s illegal or anything.”

“You are my superior. I don’t want anyone thinking that I’m taking advantage of you in that way. Plus, if we tell people, they might separate us whenever we want to work together.”

She hums in agreement, “still, I hate hiding like this. I--” when her eyes catch his, they are filled with a tenderness, honesty shining through so vividly that it makes his insides go all warm and fuzzy, “I really like you, Juyeon.”

Juyeon lets out a soft smile and can’t help himself but dropping a small kiss atop her forehead then. She might be older, but she’s so so fragile, and he wishes he could just protect her forever from all the bad things that might happen. This kind of happiness is so fleeting, so outrageous that he fears something or someone might just roll in and break them up as easily as glass.

“I love you.”

Yunji’s head snaps up, eyes wide. She gapes at him and he feels like hitting himself for blurting it out like that in the open. Shit Juyeon, are you stupid?! He internally screams, what if she runs away now that your heart is all out in the open?!

“I--Uhm--I--” his brain tries to scramble together a bunch of excuses, except nothing seems to work, his mind turning to straight-up mush, “sorry, I--”

Her hands cup his cheeks and before he can finish his sentence, she’s up on her tiptoes to kiss him.

He stops breathing, muscles frozen in place. Yunji slowly pulls back, still so close that their noses brush together as he searches her eyes for an answer.

“I love you too,” she breathes, gentle affection brimming through her gaze, “I really do, Juyeon.”

And that’s all Juyeon needs to hear really. That her love for him is as clear and as strong as his heart beats for her.

----------

Having been sent to the Pediatrics department for the day, Ji Changmin is currently checking and ensuring that all appointments are up to date, when the door suddenly bursts open to reveal a flustered Kevin. The latter glances right, then left, and without sparing Changmin a glance, dives under his desk that faces away from the door.

Changmin, slightly curious and concerned, peers down at him before chirping cheerfully, “what are you up to, Doctor Moon?”

“Hiding,” comes Kevin’s gruff response as he internally groans. Why in the world does Changmin have to be his assistant? Today of all days?

“Why?” Changmin asks.

“I--Uh--Just because. I’m tired.”

“Why are you tired?”

“Long shift. If anybody asks, I’m not here.”

“Why not?”

Kevin shoots him a glare, “just do it.”

“Okay, if you say so,” Changmin replies like a cheerful little boy and it takes the doctor all of his self control not to punch him right where the sun doesn’t shine. Mind you, Kevin is a gentle person and it takes someone like him -- meaning, his greatest rival-- to rile him up that way.

His mind suddenly goes blank upon hearing a pair of footsteps rushing through his office door and almost jumps in sheer fright when Changmin’s voice booms through the room without warning:

“Hi Mae! What are you doing here?”

Kevin’s body instantly tenses up. Shit, his mind whirls with panic. If she finds him underneath his table, he’s dead meat.

“Where’s Dr. Moon?” comes Mae’s breathless question.

“Oh, he’s hiding.”

Kevin almost curses out loud. The little f*cker.

“What? You saw him? Where is he?”

Footsteps shuffle. A pause. Kevin can practically hear his heart booming out of his chest and he’s surprised that he’s managed to make it this far without yelping. As if on impulse, he can’t help but clamp his teeth down onto his lower lip, neck tucking between his shoulders like a turtle feeling attacked.

“Kevin?”

Mae’s voice is like a slap to his face. He bites down harder, so hard he tastes blood.

He hears a foot step forward. Then another. Some more shuffling.

“Changmin, I need a word with Dr. Moon.”

“Why?” There’s a whine in Changmin’s voice.

“Because he fucked up a surgery and now he’s going to pay for it.”

“Oh.” Pause. “Okay.”

Kevin hears Changmin shuffle out before silence reigns over the room once more.

“Kevin. I know you're there."

Trying to hold his breath, his heart almost knocks out of his chest when he spots her shoes scuffle over behind his desk, right in front of him.

"Kevin."

With a loud sigh, the said doctor peeks out from underneath his desk and looks up at Mae's face, whose eyebrows are kissed together and her lips are turned down in an expression of consternation.

"Yeah?" Kevin blinks up at her in what he hopes is an innocent way.

"So I've heard something interesting about you."

He crawls out of his hiding place like a kid about to be scolded, head hanging as he straightens up with a groan, "I'm very interesting."

She crosses her arms over her chest, "I'm gonna be frank. Do you like me, Kevin?"

-----------------

Tagging: @juyeonzz @thesingingfae1905

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left-on-the-right · 5 years

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Thoughts on My Vulnerability and Fragility

Intro: Into My Story

“But, I let the words come together

Then, maybe I’ll feel better”

-Khalid, Another Sad Love Song

This is a collection of the emotions of a young, lovestruck boy without the ability to properly cope (that’s me).

These feelings are something that I have struggled for over two years. This has been a draft for the last 8 months but I’m not a writer so chill on my slow shitty writing bruh. I thought this would be the best way to express these emotions as I honestly don’t know anyone on here IRL. This isn’t meant to shame anyone, to heal the hurt I’ve caused or the hurt I feel. I just think that maybe I’ll be able to sleep.

The first quote is from a song. The song is of little importance, but listening to those words inspired me to write my feelings down.

Heading ever section from here on will be words I have heard from others dealing with their grief. In honour of those that will never read this, I will be marking those quotes from the deceased accordingly with a dagger.

Sadness: Into Depression

“It’s so much colder after someone warms you, then leaves you in the wind.”

-Shaunessey E.

Compared to other handguns, there is a lot of slack on a Glock trigger. About 5mm of space where you can safely pull the trigger before you hit a “wall”. Any squeezing past this point will set the gun off. When you get to that point where a bit of finger squeezing can end your life, it forces you to reassess your circumstances.

And that’s the story about how I have a 9x19mm sized hole in my wall.

Alone: Into Loss

“I wish I had never left… the womb,

Just never born”

-Alex Z. †

Being alone is so different from being lonely.

I had always been alone.

Tethered to someone, thousands of miles away, was a unique experience.

Alone but together.

Intimate but distant.

These were moments that I cherished, but have now come to scorn.

I had all my emotional eggs into one basket, that to have someone walk off with my basket has left me lost. It hurt to be on call and to hear that I was replaced. To hear of all the people she slept with. To be told that there had been secrets while we were together. I think the worst was to be told she hoped we could talk again. I just couldn’t.

I tried to see a councilor but that didn’t bring me any help.

15 visits.

Not a thing.

Every visit was like grinding teeth. “How’s work?”

No salvation to be found

Coping: Into Not Being Good @ Coping

“Goodbye. I don’t want to see you again”

-Haley S.

If my life was a beach, Haley would be a grain of sand. An insignificant blip in my life. As terrible as that sounds, that’s exactly how terrible I treated her. I don’t know why I did it. It didn’t even give me a sense of happiness. I just hurt her.

I’ve been struggling with addiction. Not with what most people would assume. It was gambling. Surprise! I’ve had my hands on the wheel for some time now, but it will always be something I will need to contend with.

I started drinking as well. Something that I’ve never done before. Oh, how I’ve let myself butcher my morals over someone who doesn’t even care about me.

I wish I was stronger.

I wish I knew how to help myself.

I hurt myself and others to… I don’t know.

I knew better than to gamble.

I knew better than to drink.

I shouldn’t have hurt Haley.

After all of this, I had to close myself off.

Unfortunately, I met someone.

I met a lovely Californian who was willing to deal with the mess I was.

I was happy.

She was distant and guarded but I didn’t care.

It was odd to be told later that I was just a friend.

It was so cold and clinical.

Like it could be said and I should just accept it.

I didn’t know what to do. When I said I was leaving, she sent a sad face.

Why?

I don’t feel sad about that breakup. Just confused.

Closure: Into Ends

“Don’t take it personally. You have to move on”

Oliver S. †

These are my emotions laid bare.

Thank you for reading.

I hope for the strength to love myself, as I am told I am lovable.

If I am not, I hope for the strength to give up.

With no more to say, I must bow and exit stage.

(This post is a mess, I know.)

#personal #submission #sad #depression #probablyneedhelp

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savetheblackpaladin · 6 years

Note

Okay! So now that Anon w/the wisdom teeth ask has got me curious — recently I'd had all four wisdom teeth removed and others moved around at one time. The pain was so terrible that the pain meds, which should have dulled the pain for at least three hours, weren't effective enough? Like, the kind of pain in your face where you cannot unlock your jaw wide enough to put in a spoon for food b/c ur jaw feels like it's breaking. So,, umm,, how would the paladins react to their S/O going through that??

Honey. You didn’t go to a surgeon. You went to the damn Devil himself.

Keith

after watching you struggle to eat/slurp food goo and eventually end up a sobbing mess because of the combined pain and inability to eat Keith gives up

if you’re in the Castle he’s gonna haul your ass to the healing pods whether you like it or not

if you’re on Earth he’s just gonna slip you some sleeping pills in like, a smoothie or something

after asking ofc, he’s not gonna drug you without permission

he can’t stand to see you in pain

vaguely wonders where he can get space morphine

Lance

Pure Panic

he’s so scared to touch you but he really wants to comfort you

tries to hold you without jarring your jaw. you end up in his lap, back to chest as Lance rests his chin on your shoulders

he really doesn’t know what to do to help you bc this type of pain is some birthing-level bullshit

oh so gently tries to help you hold ice to your jaw but he chickens out the moment you flinch in pain

which jarrs your jaw and causes you to actually scream

Lance is now convinced he is a monster

please, please, please get in the healing pod

doesn’t trust Coran’s Altean drugs

what if they cause you to blow up???

JUST GET IN THE POD

Pidge

Unlike Lance, she trusts Coran. Also herself, more than anything.

so she’s really adamant about you taking some space-level painkillers

“They’re from an advanced alien culture! Of course they’ll work!”

she just wants the tears to stop

and for you to be able to eat

and to be able to sleep

but that’s not everyone’s cup of tea and for those who don’t like to take unknown alien drugs

Pidge is convinced you’re some sort of masochist because why would you put yourself through this

she gets it though, sometimes they don’t work.

needles Lance into making you milkshakes because at least you can get a straw in your mouth

although you quickly grow tired of them

personally purees your food

with love

Hunk

HIS POOR BABY WHAT DID THOSE MONSTERS DO TO YOU

like a white surburban mom he’s gonna call that doctor’s office and give them a piece of his mind

once that’s done he’s focuses his mom rage on you

you best get in that heal pod bruh

you don’t deserve that pain

Get

The

Pod

won’t actually physically stop you if you don’t want to because he’s scared he’ll hurt your jaw or something

you know your man. he ain’t gonna make you do anything you don’t want

will make you tasty smoothies, goo, and other foods that don’t really require chewing

“Do you like flan? Because that stuff literally tries to crawl down your throat. It’s so good though.”

is scared to irritate your jaw by pressing things against it so he recommends a hot bath where you can sink low enough to let your jaw soak in the water

Shiro

oh no, his fragile kitten???? What does he do??????

he’s panicking the entire time but he seems really calm

almost careless

but you know him better than that and he’s just shut down a bit to calm his own emotions down to focus on you

he knows he can’t touch your jaw are neck without making the pain worse so he’ll try his best to distract you with foot massages and forehead kisses

but there’s only so much that can distract you

can’t cook but he tries really hard to make you smoothies

they taste awful

but you can barely get anything down anyways the pain is making you so nauseous

eventually has to try and get Hunk to make you edible food

tries giving you an icepack and panics when the pressure causes fresh tears

the castle totally has a sauna and he joins you in there

the heat helps a little but now you’re tired

and can’t sleep

but this adorable fucker sings for you and eventually you fall into a deep slumber. your body is so tired from being in pain for so long.

also dentistry drugs are freaking rough

the moment you’re asleep he considers the moral implications of just carrying you and tossing you in the heal pod

is it worth you being pissed at him in a few days to avoid seeing that sad/painful look on your face?

you wake up a day later, freezing cold and falling out of the pod. Shiro looks absolutely sheepish as he catches you

but your jaw no longer hurts

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horrible-monstrosity · 3 years

Text

episode starts with our useless cunt characters standing around faffing about clothes and makeup and inconsequential shit, and showing gendergirl ina sports bra for...... some reason, i don't know nif it was supposed to prove she's a real girl's girl or what but her tits are pitifully small i feel sorry for idol's mom. she's obviously got her own problems but the way she acts towards idol, in the brief time we see her in this scene, makes her seem genuinely decent towards her while idol is just a whiny brat who wants her daddy back for no reason. congrats, i feel even less sympathy for this girl now than ever before!! forced drama huzzah!!! 'wow main isn't a shut-in anymore, so sudden!' calling attention to it doesn't excuse it 'what happened?' bitch i don't fucking know ask the writers. idol randomly declares it kinky because HWAT THE FUCK WHY then idol pulls out a random array of photos of her mom gold digging and asks which one's her father... holy fucking shit this is so astoundingly retarded it's almost funny. i'd laugh if if this show hadn't made me so dead inside. aidoru then INFORMS us that mamma throws fits and says she would have been happier without aidoru even thought we've seen absolutely nothing like that demonstrated. it's acting like it's trying to set aidoru up as a hypocrite, but we're given so little development of the mother that it's impossible to make any connection between these words and the mother, whether that be that they're true or that idol's being a little bitch. there's no room for making the mom subtly flawed, because there's no room for detail at all, and the writers have decided against making her an obvious monster (yet, anyway, though I'd actually be surprised if they portray a woman as genuinely bad as they've implied eagle-sensei to be), so there's just this complete disconnect that makes it hard to, you know, give a fuck one way or the other. By the way, what happens if one of the eggukas commits sudoku themselves, anyway? Will she show up as one of the other girls' statues, or end up in an egg herself? Is there a conflict of interest clause that prevents something like that from happening? Brownie girl, who has no defined personality, tries to be reasonable about it and gets called a goody-two-shoes. She is neither the reasonable one nor the goody-two-shoes one, because she does not have a defined personality aside from beng, like, kind of serious or something. By the way, where the fuck are they again? They seem to just like hanging around is grubby abandoned buildings, which might be a part of the eggland where the mannequin's garden is, but that place apparently exists in real space anyway so they're basically just hanging out in some... abandoned building, somewhere. despite sperging to the group about being nearly murdered by her suicidal little sister, brownie never told gendergirl that she ddn't have any parents, so they can milk that scene for some additional 2deep4u droma idol decides to tell us that she specifically.... fantaises about her daddy...... who told her beautiful girls don't need a wallet (because they can have sugar daddies)....... then she starts crying about i wants so sees him naaaaoooowwww which i can't take the slughtest bit seriously because she just made it sound like she wants to fuck him for money. also she sure is desperate to see a man we've barely heard about up until THIS EXACT EPISODE, huh? Aww, how sweet, despite working hard at the bar to entertain allll these old men, mamma idol managed to get her daughter a delicious birthday cake. Idol doesn't give a shit. coolholy SHIT that turtle's design is terrible. what's with the teeth, the red nose, the random sprout of hair?? it's disgusting! we're given the most LOOK HOW MUCH DRMATIC DEEP IT IS cutting windup ever and it's stopped by the turtle staring dumbly at her. dear god that thying is hideous. why are its teeth fucking DARK GREEN? whoever designed this thing is the one who needs to go cut themselves. shame!! for some reason the turdle ignores her command to go back into the pokeball for a moment. why? i dunno, the mechanics of this have never been explored or developed in the slightest. instead of standing there fucking dumbly, it woulda been nice if it had moved, maybe given her a little poke with its fugly turtle paw, demonstrating that it cared and making it actually matter/giving a reason for idol to put it back in its ball... but like whatever i guess oh and also this entire time we've been cutting back and forth with some random dreamworl battle that could legitimately be taken out entirely without impacting the plot at the moment at the slightest. is the battle before the cutting scene? after? I don't know, fuck you, get emotionally attached and consoom because there's a sad anime girl on-screen and don't ask questions. as usual the dream fight makes no fucking sense, the girl has a burn on her face but her issue is that... a cultist... I... fuck it nothing matters LOL THE EGG GIRL JUST RUSHES UP TO IDOL AND STARTS SPILLING HER BACKSTORY, LITERALLY COOL STORY NO ONE FUCKING CARES BRUH main randomly stops in the middle of whatever fight she's doing and demands to be told what idol's up to, at the exact moment idol decides to off herself because the egg girl said like five words to her about sudoku. why did she know when to ask? what the fuck fight is she doing where she can afford to waste time standing around like this? then everyone else is listening too, i guess we were all just doing fucking nothing today. WHY DID HE GET THROUGH TO HER SO COMPLETELY IS LIKE TEN SECONDS? IS SHE THAT WEAK OR IS THIS SHOW JUST THAT FUCKING STUPID?? She was not having these thoughts before, she was just cutting because she was being pissy about her mom not giving her daddy's dick!! but DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA!!! ZIP ZOOM CONSOOM CONSOOM!! 'we're all here for yoo~~' but fucking why? she should be creeped out by the fact you were all randomly listening in on her in such a private, fragile moment, even if that moment had no reason to exist. and again what the fUCK ARE YOU ALL DOING IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR OWN BATTLES THAT YOU HAVE TIME TO WASTE ON THIS SHIT?

then the... lizard pops out of its pokeball on its own for no reason. because establishing consistent mechanics, what's that? oh, its because muh 'imprinting', i remember them using that word earlier. totally a get out of writing an actual character arc and coherent storyline free card, cool! and you gotta protect your... mother....... i................ NO YOU DUMB SHIT, YOUR MOTHER IS THE ONE PROTECTING YOU, OR AT THE VERY LEAST SHE JUST DOESN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH HER OLD GOLD DIGGING VICTIMS AGAIN. i almost became a bad piece-of-shit mother uwu like my mother who i hate for no reason even though she raised be just fine and did nothing wrong uwuu and the real moral of this story is that.............. .v . ................... ... ............men who ask women for money are baaaaad. BUT THE OPPOSITE IS JUST FINE AND DANDY, HUH. YOUR GOLD-DIGGING MAMA CAN USE MAN AS A WALLET FOR AS LONG AS SHE LIKES THEN CUT TIES WITH HIM AND PRETEND HE'S THE BAD ONE FOR WANTING SOME EQUITY, BUT THE OPPOSITE IS SOOO BAAAD. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH A CULT LEADER??? where's the fucking writer of this shiw and HOW MUCH WOULD IT FUCKING COST TO HAVE THEM REMOVED FROM THE HUMAN RACE ENTIRELY???? then for some reason the turtle just turns into an electronic beyblade... god fuck this show. and apparently idol comes to the conclusion that cutting herself is..... good....... brownie, despite having said nothing except a generic 'do yuh best' thing, neither for or against the character that supposedly makes her an ungirly goody-two-shoes, because of course she has no character, has reconciled with idol somehow. sigh

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fixthedisconnect · 5 years

Text

The Beginning

tl;dr

Trying to improve myself

In haiku form, son!

This is me. Lying on a couch. Down and out. Well maybe not out but definitely not in and very much down. If life were a game, I’m currently AFK. Discouraged. Disheartened. An argument could be made for “broken”. Certainly more than Hercules level of despair

It's difficult to describe. I'm unsure if my problems qualify as legitimate (as opposed to un-legit) Unsure if I'm just perceiving them to be bigger or worse than they actually are? I really don't want to complain. We all know that person who is… “A little ray of sunshine” shall we say. Nothing is EVER good enough. They hate puppies and rainbows. They could be be unhappy at Disneyland. No one likes being around those people. They’re probably also communists.

*Side note, was there a scientific study published in a reputable peer reviewed journal with statistically significant data showing a clear correlation that led the researchers to fail to reject the null hypothesis, or whatever, and ultimately declare Mouse land “The Happiest Place on Earth”?... If not, Disney is MIGHTY sure of themselves. The HAPPIEST? Of ALL other places? I mean, have they even heard of the Great British Baking Show? Do you even bake, bruh? Don't get me wrong, Disneyland is up there but if I had to pick between the two, I'm more than fairly sure I'd have to go with the tasting tent in the middle of an English countryside, eating Puff pastries listening to Paul's thick liverpudlian accent. Okay less his accent, it's more of an excuse to say liverpudlian. Try it. It's fun. I think that gives the Peter pan ride a run for its money at least.

But I digress, back to me ;)

I was saying I don’t wish to be the aforementioned type of person so I try not to complain (some of y’all who know me personally are stifling scoffs I’m sure) and I realize there are many, MANY people who have it MUCH worse than me. I am also BEYOND grateful for the good things I do have in my life.

BUT!

… at the same time, the stuff I’m dealing with really does seem like a bit to me.

I have an injured tailbone that’s been a source of constant pain for about 3 years now. I used to be able to sit in a certain position or on a specific chair without it hurting but now it’s pretty much 24/7. Yet x-rays, MRIs, trigger point and nerve blocking injections and several different meds have not helped at all.

I’m in my 30s now which apparently means your ribs pop out of place while you sleep. I get them cracked back into place at the Chiropractor and they're out again the next morning. Basically it hurts to breathe and I can feel my back muscles scraping over my ribs.

My house is ALSO falling apart and I can’t afford to fix it. My backyard is a dirt pile and I feel SUPER awesome that my kids don’t have grass to run around in. Our plumbing, electrical, and roof all need to be replaced because the house was built before electricity was a thing. Well... 1950. Which is basically the same. And every time I look around at everything that’s broken I feel worse because I’m reminded that I don’t have the means to fix it. Why don’t I have the the funds? Welp...

I’ve been laid off 3 times in the last 4 years and since graduating college 6 years ago have yet to be at one job longer than a year. I pretty much live in fear that every day I go into work will be my last and live in constant stress of how I’m going to provide for my family. It wouldn’t be so bad if I had a marketable skill but I majored in German Literature (long story for another day) and sadly not too many people are looking to hire me to read books to them in German and write sub-par research papers about the motivations of the protagonists...

Why don’t you just learn a new skill, you might ask? That’s a great question. I’ll tell you. In SONG form

No? Monty Python? Anyone? Bueller? NM...

I haven’t had a good night’s sleep for about 2 years (which remarkably coincides with how old our youngest child is) and am effectively a zombie now living off cold pizza & diet mtn dew. That’s what zombies eat, right? Low energy, difficult to focus, seconds away from weeping most days. Which means I have had a beast of a time trying to find the time, motivation and energy to learn to code or be a graphic/ web designer or whatever skill will guarantee that I don’t have a heart attack every time someone says, “Hey, you got a sec?”

So, as a zombie dad, most days I wake up late, trying to get every last second of “sleep” that I can, roll out of bed, shove some “food” in my face and rush off to work (usually without showering, shaving, brushing teeth or any thing resembling self care or hygiene). Gross, I know. And believe me, I’m not boasting here. I live in a state of constant embarrassment of myself. But may I remind you... zombie.

Then I sit in pain for 8 hrs at a job I don’t care for (but am beyond grateful for) and am afraid to lose, hop in my almost broken vehicle & head home to eat a delicious meal made by my beautiful, loving wife. Try not to take the disappointment in my children’s eyes to heart when I tell them I can’t play with them because I’m too tired and in too much pain. Get them down to bed and instead of using the remaining hour or so to do something productive, I fall asleep while watching Parks & Rec through for the 100th time because it’s funny and I need as much levity and release as I can get. Then I’m on the night shift (usually up 2 or 3 times a night getting bottles, changing diapers, rocking back to sleep, etc) and doing it again the next day. Worn out. Run Down. Scraping by, dragging my broken down body through the motions of a “life.”

I feel like this:

Not like a cool zombie

Geez... He makes it look so EASY and fun...

Now, you’re not gonna believe me, but I SWEAR I’m not complaining. Seriously. Just explaining where I’m at these days. Setting the stage, painting the backdrop, giving you some context. I REALLY do try not to complain because as I said, I know it could be way worse and I really am grateful for the good things I DO have and if this is the price for those things and people, I’ll do it again and again.

But do you see what I mean? Some might say, you don’t shower every day? You don’t brush your teeth regularly? But in my mind and body, I’m just too tired and don’t have time. Last year I broke two back molars in half chewing on gum. Yup, gum. And I lived with that for 6 months because I couldn’t get them fixed because I didn’t have insurance because I didn’t have a job. Seems like a legitimate reason versus a lame excuse.

But I know other people who are going to school full time, while working 2 jobs who seldom see their family let alone get time to play with them. Making do with less and seemingly more put-together than I am. So am I just making excuses then? I mean, have you SEEN this kid?!

Now, I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others. I know everyone’s got their own challenges and I should only compare myself to the best version of myself. But that’s just the thing. I AM comparing myself to myself. And I’m not even CLOSE.

It’s not that I’m dissatisfied with life. It’s not that I just want more money (though that couldn’t hurt) or a bigger house or power or fame. I really only want enough to care for my family and some extra to help others out. It’s more of a discontent with who I am as a person. I’m not as nice as I’d like to be. I’m not as skilled as I’d like to be. I’m not as humble as I’d like to be. The list goes on... Literally. I have a list. A back log of ideas I want to try, things I want to learn, skills I want to have and put to use, people I want to help.

Basically, I have bad health, bad financial situation, no career, super awesome self esteem, fragile mental health, and not much of a social life.

Sooooo... So so SO!

I’m changing. This WAS me.

I’m on a journey to finally achieve everything I’ve been putting off and become the best version of me. And I hope you’ll join me on the trip because I hope to learn from all this and I hope that someone somewhere can learn something as well. Even if that’s what NOT to do (Hey man, if it helps SOMEbody, I consider it a success and worth any effort).

So, follow along. I’ll share what I can along the way. And make sure to let me know how I can help you achieve YOUR goals too! Until later!

#25by35 #In The Beginning #Fresh Start #Goals #FixTheDisconnect

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