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iaeriy · 4 months

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affected // jude bellingham x reader

summary; jude never realizes how you’ve affected him and his life.

word count; 4k

warnings; angst, situationship, playboy! jude, smut, slapping.. unprotected sex, fingering, missionary..

a/n; once again.. not proofread! for a friend of mines & for my jude girlies, anything in bold is flashbacks &&&& sorry if this is bad..this is also based off my experiences im still going through.. anywho..enjoy! 🎀🐾

aching, that’s how it felt the day you saw him hanging out with a lot of girls after he kept coming back to you everytime and you would take him back. you had enough of him but something in you always craved for him, no matter what it was. anything you used to do that you did with him, you found yourself stopping and breaking down, your heart would ache, it even ached your hands and all over your chest. anytime you would open up the social media you’d see recent events of jude, him with a new girl maybe at least a few times a week or seen walking out of their homes. it upsetted you in so many ways, you didn’t know what to do, you stayed home avoiding everybody. even text messages and calls from him. you always took him back, after every little mistake he did, after playing with your heart & using you for when he didn’t have anybody around that time. small glimpses of any memory you two shared would hit you, no matter where you were or how you were feeling, it always ruined your day. it hurt you when you realized you weren’t his world, you were his side piece, only something he needed when he was desperate and much more you could never explain. you were the other woman, because he knew you fell in his trap so many attempt’s because you were in love, a love that you somewhat never experienced but with him. a love that had you in awe from head to toe, a love that had you attached. he knew your weaknesses, he knew the things you thought about with him. he knew the things you did for him and threw it away like nothing mattered because there was always other women throwing themselves at him, and he enjoyed it. you cried for days & days.

that was now a month ago.. without him but his text messages would return, even his calls.

you were now in the couch sitting down criss cross reading your book, it was a cloudy windy day and you had gotten back from visiting your mom at her home for lunch as she had promised. your phone was slowly getting tons and tons of messages, nobody but jude himself and you managed to avoid them. you stared at the vase of flowers he had gotten you, you sighed as you put ur book away before walking over to the island counter, there had been a card next to the flowers but you never opened, afraid that you’d burst out in ears and you’ll be begging back for him. you sighed, ‘fuck it’ you thought before you grabbed the note slowly before opening it, your heart already racing as you felt your heart thumping in your ears, you slowly read the note as tears started to form in your eyes. what were you thinking, why would you do this in the first place. you put the note back next to the card as you wiped your tears before making your way to your coach, you laid down before grabbing the blanket. suddenly you closed your eyes and there you were again.

“jude! did you really get me this!?” you said as your eyes were widened looking at the vase of the flowers, purple and baby pink. just like how you loved those colors, “yes i did, do you love them?” he said as you smiled nodding your head at him, “what for?” you said putting them on the isle as he chuckled, “because i love you so much sweetie.” he said as he stood behind you, hugging you behind. his hands wrapping around your waist befofe you turned around, “i love you a lot..you know that..” you said as he smiled slightly, “me too.” he said as you giggled booping his nose before he picked you up, you bursted out giggling as he smiled. “you’re so pretty..” he said, a pink tint brushing over your cheeks before your hands cupped his cheeks. he looked at you as you admired the color of his eyes, you were still blushing before he kissed you, you kissed back giggling before he kept kissing you, he laid you on the couch as you were still giggling before he fell on top of you, “i love you so much..” he murmured in your ear as you looked at him.

you woke up as you were panting for some reason, tears streaming down your face before you got up walking to your bathroom, you washed off your makeup as you sobbed in between washing your face. why would you pick the note up, why did you overthink it a lot. you wiped your tears constantly, your eyes puffy and pink. you walked back to the living room as you sat back down, you kept crying and your chest was hurting. your eyes widening as you looked at your phone, tons and tons of more messages from jude. you sobbed out again before the door knocked, you choked on your breathing as you wiped your tears, “c-coming..!” you said as you wiped your tears again before walking to the door as you opened it, you stood there as your breath hitched. you swallowed down as you felt your eyes water up again, why was he at your door. did he want you for more pleasure? did he want to toy around with you again? did he only want you in his trap again? what did he want. so much was going through your head you attempted to process it in one second. “i kept messaging and messaging you, why didn’t you pick up?” jude said leaning closer to you as you shook your head, “g-get away from me..” you murmured as you looked down not wanting to let him see your teary eyes. “why? what’s wrong now.” he said harshly as you looked up at him, “nothing..just sick..” you said with a tear slipping out of your eyes, knowing you were lying. he looked at you as your hands began shaking, “y-you can..come i-in tho..” you said as he nodded before he walked in to your home.

you looked at him as he looked at you back, “hm?” he said as you shook your head, “why are you..h-here?” you said trying to control your breathing, attempting to calm down knowing this time things get settled and get fixed or you take him back in as nothing happened and fall into his trap. “just wanted to talk to you..” he said as your eyes widened again, more tears slipping out. “n-no..” you murmured shaking your head, “n-no..not this t-time..” you said choking up on a sob as he held your hand, “i promise we can work something out this time..” he said as you shook your head, “we can’t! everytime i take you back, you do stupid stuff! stupid fucking stuff that you think you dont know what it is but you know what you’re doing! it’s not fair!” you said as you slapped his chest, “i-i’m always your stupid option! you only need me when you’re looking for sex.” you yelled out sobbing as you looked at him, your vision blurry from the tears building up. he looked at you, “that’s not me, i promise darling..” he said as you shook your head, “it’s a cycle. you hang out with a girl and suddenly when i try and hang out with somebody you’re onto me, it’s like this every fucking damn time jude! it’s not fair for me!” you said as another tear slipped out again, he looked at you cupping your cheek. “that’s not me it isn’t y/n.”

“you knew what you were doing in some of these things.. you cheated the first time we got back together. you don’t get what i felt!

you said crying again before he glared, “i never cheated. she was all up on me and i was drunk. you obviously don’t get what i tried doing for us neither.” he said as you shook your head, “that’s not fucking true! it was all over the media! are you fucking stupid!?” you said crying as he grabbed you, “that’s not true. quit saying fucking assumptions.” he said as you pushed him off, “assumptions that are true. you fucking dick, it happened TWICE. TWICE JUDE. and yet you don’t give a single fuck about my feelings!” you said as he looked at you again, “i did. i gave you everything you could possibly ask for.” he said before standing up as you stood up, “what i want was a boyfriend. somebody that could love me, not manipulate me and make me feel guilty for the girl i was!” you said before getting up yourself. “just admit it, you don’t know how to love someone properly and you only want sex.”

“even after the second time you cheated. you only needed me around for sex. you’re never wiling to change for me or anything in general, even the media knows it itself. so do i.” you spat out as he chuckled.

“or maybe because i’m the only guy with a better dick, you can’t even get enough of it, after all..” he said leaning close to you, “i fuck you better. and it’s proven.” he whispered as you pushed him off, “get off me!” you said as he smirked, “you’re fucking hilarious y/n. believing all this bullshit your mind comes up with, you’re such a idiot.” he said as you looked at him tearing up, “what?” you said as he looked at you, “here you go crying yet again..” he said rolling his eyes as you bursted out crying one more time, “why can’t you just understand me for once! why can’t we be in this together!” you said as he looked at you, “i do. i understand you. you just don’t get it yourself. i’m telling you, i’ll do whatever you want me to, starting now.” he said crossing his arms as you sobbed out. he wrapped his arms around you, holding you against his chest as you sniffled.

there it was again, hearing his heartbeat against your ear. you suddenly felt your heart flutter..there was your love coming back for him.

“i promsie, i’ll change. i’ll be willing to do whatever it takes, i don’t want to loose you sweetheart, i want you. only you, you taught me things nobody else has as well, deep inside i want you, my heart wants you. i need you in my life.” he said as you shook your head, “don’t lie, you’ve broken promises. promise after promise.” you said as he shook his head, “that wont happen again, i’m willing to try one more time.. you’ve impacted on my life..” he said as you looked at him, he cupped your cheek caressing it as you looked at him. “what are you..” you said softly and confused before he kissed you passionately, you kissed back wrapping your arms around his neck before he held your waist. he laid you down against the couch as your head hit the cushion, you held onto the back of his neck, slightly caressing his skin softly his fingerpads drawing lines on your waist as you hummed in between the kiss before he picked you up.

“take me to the bedroom..” you whispered between the kiss, against his lips as he nodded his head.

he held you before walking to your room as he closed the door, still kissing you..he placed you down as your hands cupped his cheeks, before he tugged on the side of your jeans, you pulled his hand off as you giggled in between the kiss before you bit his bottom lip, a soft wince mewling out his mouth as your tongue slid inside his mouth, exploring every inch of him before he picked you up again. you wrapped your arms around his neck still making out with him so..sloppy & passionately.. as he then placed you on the bed before he slightly towered over you before his hands made their way down to unbutton your jeans, pulling them off before he pulled away from the kiss. both of you breathless and lips all plumped, he took his shirt off tossing it somewhere around the room, you sat up slightly before he pulled the hem of your shirt to then over your head tossing it to the side, he leaned in one more time yet again kissing you deeply. you kissed back before his lips traveled down to your neck as he began to paint wet kisses on your skin, you closed your eyes as you felt his bulge slightly poke your clothed core. you whimpered softly as he bit your neck, he puled away before caressing your cheek. you removed the hairtie holding your ponytail as you let your hair fall down, he chuckled before towering you yet again. your arms placed on the bed as he lowered down, “don’t move..” he said as you nodded your head before he lowered down to your core.

he slightly opened your knees before he kissed your abdomen, “i love you..” he murmured holding your hand as you looked down at him, your cheeks turning pink the second his free hand began pulling down on your panties as they wrapped around your ankle, he chuckled against your core, a soft moan coming out of your lips. “please don’t..” you said whining before he pulled them off your ankles as he burried his face into your wet core, a whiny noise coming out of your throat, his tongue licking long stripes sucking around your clitoral area as your head slowly leaned back, he continued with his mouth sucking around your slit. you whiny moaned again, “o-oh my god j-jude..” his tongue licking your pussy ever inch before his tongue slipped inside your tongue. you gasped as your back slightly arched, your hand gripping his hand as his fingerpad rubbed your hand, your knees slightly closing just a bit, his face covered deep in your cunt. he looked up at you watching your facial expression, your moans being soft and whiny just like how he remembered, your chest rising up and down slowly, as he continued working his tongue all over your pussy, your fingers tangling his curls before he groaned.

you were moaning uncontrollably nearly on the edge of your orgasm, you felt his fingerpad rub the knib of your clit, tears forming into your eyes as your orgasm approached quicker, “j..i’m gonna c-cum..” you said moaning as his finger began pacing up.. you sat up on your elbows chasing your orgasm, throwing your head back your free hand gripping the sheets as your knees began shaking the second you released yourself. you moaned loudly at his tongue, he never stopped..he continued. that’s another thing that drove you crazy, he was wayyyy too drunk in your pussy, your eyes rolling to the back of your head as he chuckled at your emotions. he caressed your abdomen before you looked down at him, you blushed before he pulled away from your pussy, a string of your wetness all over his lips.

he chucked before wiping his mouth as he hovered above you again, “one more time then you can have me..” he said before placing his lips on yours kissing you deeply, you kissed back with a small mmph your hands finding his jaw, caressing his cheek before he held onto your back noticing yoh were sitting up, you continued kissing him deeply, feeling his tongue nearly slip inside your mouth meanwhile being distracted by being kissed.. judes finger slowly roamed down to your cunt again before pushing his two fingers into you. you moaned softly into his mouth as you cupped his cheek, eyes closing..feeling his finger slowly pump in and out of your walls, soft moans spilling in the middle of the kiss as jude swallowed your noises holding onto your back still as his free hand unclipped your bra, letting it loose off your chest, his fingers doing the work by curling up inside you as you leaned your head back, trying to catch your breath yet you were moaning uncontrollably.

you were breathing heavily and moaning in between your sounds, your head rolling back to look at him, a small chuckle coming out of him, “you want more? hmm?” he said, your head nodding slowly up and down before he leaned his forehead against yours. you whimpered looking away, a smack to your boob as you whined, “don’t look away from me baby..” he said before you looked at him, tears building up from your previous orgasm. his fingers thrusting quicker into you, looking up at him. he kissed you again as you kissed back, moaning messily into his mouth..your free hand holding onto his bicep, “close again aren’t ya?” he said before you felt his thumb rub your clit in circles, you moaned loudly as your thighs began shaking, “i-i’m gonna come..” a moan corrupting out your mouth, his thumb increasing his circular movements before you gripped onto the sheets, you moved away from the kiss as you closed your eyes before finding your release, chasing your orgasm, tightening around him. your back falling on the duvet, closing your legs rubbing your thighs as a few noises slipped out your mouth.

you were on the bed, legs shaking and breathing heavily trying to recover from your last two orgasm. suddenly you heard jude pulling his pants down, you looked over at him before you blushed heavily. “shhhh..i’ll be careful..not unless you tell me to move..” he said as you nodded your head, he crawled on the bed placing his hands next to your head..his hand stroking his shaft slowly as he groaned. you looked down whining, your eyes watching him stroke himself as you felt yourself get wetter. he looked up at you, before he chuckled at your reaction..his hand lining himself against your entrance, “look at me.” he said as you nodded your head, you felt him push himself into you. your eyes rolling back feeling his cock stuff you inside, his thick veiny length slowly stretching you out, “..so..big..” you said as he chuckled, leaning his head against your forehead..nearly almost cupping his cheek he held your hand placing it next to your ear, “let me prove it to you..okay?”

he said as you nodded your head, your legs next to his hips before he began to rock his hips slowly against your walls, you and jude already getting noisy, it had been awhile without feeling each other. both of you letting out soft sinful noises, especially you. it felt so good..so so so..delicously. your knees slowly jolting with judes thrust, small groans escaping judes mouth, “look at me..f-fuck baby..watch my cock slip out of..fuuuckkk..you..” he whispered as your eyes rolled back, slowly feeling himself increase his speed. your head leaning back before jude grabbed your chin, “nuh uh..watch, pretty girl.” he said as you whimepred in response before you looked down watching him slip out of you, so easily..

you moaned uncontrollably before resting your head into the duvet, “so wet and tight..” jude murmured before nuzzling his face into your neck, his moans near your ear driving you insane. you felt yourself get wetter and wetter. his thrusts so deeply and slowly.

he cupped your cheek before turning to look at you. a whiny noise coming out of your mouth suddenly coming back to your realization from your frenzy, “hey baby..” he said as you giggled softly in between your moans his hand cupping your cheek..you leaned in before he kissed you hushing your moans. you kissed back, your hands cupping his cheek as well..his cock hitting so deeply making you shut your eyes at some point, you moaned non stop wrapping your legs around his lower back. your free hand scratching his back with your nails, he moaned in between the kiss as his hand placed next to your head massaged around your boob. you bit on his lower lip, french kissing him..his tongue running along the side of your lips. your tongue and judes tongue sliding on each others, both of you matching the energy as you whiny moaned feeling the tips of his finger pinch your nipple. he pulled away as he breathed heavily, a string of saliva breaking the connection before he chuckled, “my favorite thing to do..” he said before thrusting sloppily again.

your wetness coating his inner thighs, sounds of your wetness squelching making you whiny moan in between. you cupped his cheek again, “i l-love you..” you sighed out before kissing him again, he kissed back yet again..his lips were on you before he gripped onto your boob again, his speed increasing at your tightening. you felt yourself at the same state, your orgasm approaching “jude..jude,jude,jude..” you moaned out as he looked at you, “i know sweet girl..i know..” he said a whine coming out your mouth before he began pounding mercilessly into your skin, “o-oh my g-god!” you screamed out, his tip hitting your g-spot. “k-keep going! r-right th-“ you moaned out before jude slightly pressed on your throat, you choked on your moans before he looked down at you, “you’re mine. understand that from now on..and after this..fuck. after this moment..” he said moaning out, your eyes rolling back..his cock perfectly stuffing your pussy.

you let out a cry the second he let go of your throat, you felt your lower stomach slowly starting to burn and warm up your body, more warmer than the hot air sorrounding you and jude, your breathing insanely being heavy as your chest rose like crazy.. the over sensitivity hitting you quickly as the delicous pain felt so so so..good.

you were in heaven, on edge from the intense pain and pleasure roaming your body. your moans getting louder and high pitched, “jude!” you screamed out his name before you gushed all over him, your tightness causing jude to moan loudly just a tad bit before he came inside of you, his cum shooting deep inside you. painting youe walls as you milked him empty from inside, you scratched his back.. your nails deeply caved into the skin of his back.

his head falling on your boobs breathing heavily as you played with his curls, his breathing ragged before you tapped on his shoulder. “hey..l-look at m-me..” you said before he raised his head up looking up at you, “so..did i prove you wrong?” he said chuckling before you giggled with him, “no silly..i want you with me forever..” you said as he smiled, “i love you with all my heart y/n..” he said kissing your lips before you kissed back, “come on now..let’s get you cleaned..” he said.

he sat up before standing up, you sat up as your body felt wobbly. he held you bridal style before walking to your bathroom, he sat you down on the counter before he started the water on your bath, you giggled watching him. “you’re so cute..already doing these stuff for me..” you said before he walked over to you, he kissed your forehead as you smiled. “come on now..” he said smiling before carrying you again, he held your hand helping you get in the tub as you sat in the warm water before he sat in as well behind you.

you leaned your head against his chest as he smiled looking down against you, “can’t get enough of you..” he said kissing your cheek before you giggled.

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