#because the back room was so full of shit before I got my little autistic paws all over it that we couldn’t even fucken MOVE in there

[strohller27]

.

#so I stayed late after work and completely reorganised the back room #my boss was like ‘you can just go through one box at a time and write down everything in it on a piece of paper!’ #but like. the boxes were full of a whole bunch of different sweaters in a whole bunch of different colours #and nothing was folded. and we didn’t know what sizes we had #and we DON’T HAVE A FUCKING INVENTORY and it is driving me absolutely positively CRACKERS #so I put on some loud music and organised all the sweaters in the back room by brand style and colour #i basically went autism beast all over that damn back room #and I even got the down jackets out because they’re not on the stupid floor yet #because the back room was so full of shit before I got my little autistic paws all over it that we couldn’t even fucken MOVE in there #so now we can. and I hope my manager is happy with my work. #our boss could probably care less but she doesn’t realise how much she doesn’t deserve me #my coworker deserves me tho. she deserves the world. she should get everything she wants #anyways I had to rant about it. #I’ve been overwhelmed by the amount of shit in the back room for three days straight and I said FUCK that #and this was after a fucken weird day where there was this lady complaining about our pint glasses costing $25 #and I think she was trying to make me give her a deal on something because #she kept going back to the $$$$ shit and getting outraged at the prices #and after a few rounds of that she said jokingly ‘i might start spitting at you in a moment’ #and like. I know she was joking. but that pissed me the fuck off. do not joke that you’re gonna spit at me #if you do that you don’t get to buy anything you fucking asshole you get security called on you #anyways today was fucken bonkers how was your day?

[yippieitsarvensart]

Tweels hc doodles + notes!

Goodness me, I've not been working on these for very long but here's all of what I've thought of within 2 days of thinking about them!! I basically started writing about them the moment I finished drawing "the fuck you brothers" post (9/24) (and today, 9/26) I totally have been thinking about them more after I wrote all this, so I will be continuing on with my hcs right here, under the cut :3 (keep in mind I have not yet played twst! If I get anything gravely wrong correct me!) (9/28, edit: I downloaded twst y'all...)

Both of the twins are autistic, just being on very different ends of er... intensity? Idk how to word that. I just mean that Floyd is someone who has trouble regulating his emotions and stims a lot. Jade doesn't stim as often, he probably would if he were infodumping about mushrooms/his terrariums or whatever else. I think I mean. That Jade suppressed his autistic tendencies by a lot to seem more like a gentleman, while Floyd doesn't really give much of a shit and probably doesn't even know he's autistic.

on that note they both have ADHD. AuDHD brothers.

Anyways as I way saying abt Floyd stimmies; He stims a LOT. Just, all the damn time. It gets so annoying for a lot of people and everyone knows he can't control it. His clingyness is also stimming, he's very touchy. A lot of stim toys don't actually help him but he does calm down significantly more when he's wearing headphones and listening to loud music. That's what stimulates him the most.

Jade only stims when excited, yeah I mentioned that. But did I mention he also stims a lot when stressed. In front of costumers, if he was stressed he might only fiddle with his fingers behind his back. But as soon as he gets away it's full body stimming time baby. Mans is not okay but he cannot let that mask slip!! (I forgot the word before, but I meant to say in my first dotpoint that jade is better at masking than Floyd!!)

Floyd mcr liker >_< (songs about depression and drugs to think about violence to!) Floyd also likes shit like "41 mins of roblox music" or any spongebob music. skull emoji.

Jade Laufey liker :33 (calm songs to think about violence to!)

Floyd likes dancing around in his room to music. Like really getting into it. Putting one song on loop and doing the same dance moves over and over again. (stimming) (oh my god I'm PROJECTING AGAIN stop....)

Jade likes drawing mushrooms. He's really good at drawing nature and when I say "good" I mean if you looked at it, you'd think it was a picture. Like abnormally good for someone who used to not even have paper available...

I saw this from a moot once on twitter I think, but they both (+ Azul) probably had a hard time adjusting to walking around everywhere instead of swimming when they first came onto land. And I think there was something about holding on to bars on stairs WAYY too tight because they feel so wobbly going up them. Same with like, escalators? and elevators? didn't fucking trust them. And they still don't sometimes... Adding onto this I think that they'd both get really frustrated at first with it. Like genuinely really upset; Floyd dramatically falling to the floor and flailing around on the verge of tears while Jade punches the ground over and over... They obviously got better at land things after a long while but for a bit they were just so. not okay LOL

I think for casual/home clothes they'd both be really into big fluffy jumpers. massive fucking huge fluffy shits. They'd be all over the texture and it would be so so texture /pos drooling emoji

I had a little thing that I thought of where I would give Floyd Heart shaped eye shines PLUS an extra smaller not heart eye shine. And giving Jade a square shaped shine with no extra shines. It just makes so much sense to me. Like I can't explain it very well but if you get it, you get me. Do you get me...

WHICH leads me to say then that when Floyd gets MAD he would have NO eye shines. Do you get me. I totally make sense right/. And Jade getting happy about anything even if it doesn't show on his face it would totally show in his eyes... Which also brings me back to something I wrote in my doodle notes with the pupils being like cats... OUGH I'M GOING INSANE DO I MAKE SENSE

another thing my twt moot said !! Floyd would hate necklaces/rings/other accessories and jewelry! It relates back to my point about Floyd hating the feeling of tight clothes, and things touching his skin too much. I feel like if he had say, a necklace on for like 0.1s he would rip it the fuck off, destroying the necklace in the process

Floyd: :3 (aggressive)

Floyd loving to squeeze people but hurting them is 90% of the time on purpose hurting and 10% accidental hurting and when it IS accidental he gets so upset about it. I like to think Floyd is the more emotional out of the two... just so many emotions in that boy. like he just !! wants to give you love !!! but he's so strong he breaks ur ribs !!!! many of ur ribs!! ur honestly surprised you haven't punctured a lung yet!!!

On that note they BOTH are extremely touch starved. Floyd would fucking LOVE it if someone were to lay down on top of him for hours he would feel so squished!! and warm and nice!! and comfy!

Jade on the other hand, LOVES holding hands. holding ONTO something holding onto someONE.

Jade is a gift giver (love language) I bet you can't guess what Floyd is

His love language is Physical touch. Yeah

Jade getting people way too many gifts when it's a special occasion for them because he thinks they might think it's weird if he gets them a gift on any other day.

Floyd hyperpop liker (just overall really likes loud thrashy music or whatever)

Floyd also really got into those games where you have to beat the shit out of a dummy. He doesn't like ones where you have to TIME a hit to make it work (makes him annoyed bc he can't do it) Games like Pou I think....

While Jade enjoys colour by number or those hue games? just doing it in his free time.

#Please be autistic about them with me #Share your own hcs with me in comments/reblogs and if I like them I might add them #sorry guys I really like spreading the autism illness to all my faves #that's why I keep talking about how tismy they are to me #hope you don't mind #teehee #digital art #art #disney twst #twst fanart #twst hcs #twst #jade leech #floyd leech #leech twins #tweels #hcs #neurodivergent #disney twisted wonderland

[devine-star]

Major self indulgence fic-

Eddie Munson x Male!reader.

Warnings: Anxiety attack + Autistic meltdown. Mentions of/taking of pills. Self inflicted wounds (NOT SELF HARM!). Blood. Sefl doubt talk. Lmk if I missed any!

Note: I wrote this because ahaha the future is scary! I, myself, and autistic and this is just how I, myself, have my meltdowns. It is in now way supposed to represent how ALL Autistic people have meltdowns! :)

The room is silent besides the soft hum of the lamp beside you. Everything has either been too loud or too silent and it was driving you insane.

The feeling of the sheets under your body was making your skin itch.

The collar of your shirt seeming to choke you.

Laying on your back, arms and legs sprawled out on your bed;mind racing.

'What does the future hold?'

That one simple thought starts your downward spiral.

'I don't see anything for my future...' you thought a frown coming onto your face as an uneasy heaviness settles itself between your rib cage, claiming it as it's new home.

'I'll never amount to anything,' Tears come to your eyes.

'I'll never be able to get my dream job, move out if this shitty town or even get married...' The tears slide down your cheeks as your breath quickens.

From the other side of the room, your bottle of anti-Anxiety medication stares at you; almost as if to mock you.

'I can't even be normal without some stupid pills!' Anger mixes in with the anxiety as more tears rush from your reddening eyes.

The room begins to spin around you, sitting up quickly to press your back against the wall.

"Stop..." You mutter.

Praying the thoughts will listen to you if only for a moment. But they don't.

"STOP IT!" You scream.

One of your hands coming to slap against the side of your head, trying your best to physically knock the thoughts from your brain.

"I DON'T WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY!!!" The scream rips from your throat as More open handed blows are landed; bruises sure to be formed by morning.

Shakey hands are now gripping your hair as you roughly start pulling, unconsciously rocking yourself back and forth.

Little to your knowledge, your best friend Eddie Munson just pulled into your driveway.

His hands shaking slightly as he pep talked himself.

"You got this Eds, just tell him how you feel and everything will be fine," he mumbles grabbing the bag of your favorite take out before hopping from his van.

Eddie has finally pumped up his nuts enough to confess how he truly felt for you. He's been in love with you for the past year.

He didn't even know he loved you until one day he was listening to you rant off about your favorite book.

Something about the way you were smiling and doing an intense voice during the plot twist reveal made his heart flutter and then sink when he realized what this meant.

But now? Ge was ready!

Rapping his knuckles against the door, Eddie waits.

Glancing around for a while when you don't open the door.

'Is he here?' He jogs down the steps to your front door checking around the side of the house to see your car parked.

'Yeah..' Confirming that you were home, Eddie knocks again.

But the sound of something crashing inside and your pain filled screams knocks the wind from him for a moment before He's barging into the house.

"Y/n!!"

Rushing upstairs he finds you sitting on your bedroom floor, half naked with your nose and fists bloody.

His eyes move from you to the broken full length mirror on the floor.

"Oh shit..." He mutters dropping the food and rushing to your side.

"Sshh...Y/n, it's okay" A yelp slips from Eddie's lips as you slap him; smearing blood from your hands on his face.

"Y/n! Hey!" Eddie was angry. He was worried. He knows anxiety and overstimulation can set in easy at the late hours when you're alone.

He quickly grips both of your arms pulling you into his lap, gently squeezing over your arms and shoulders.

Pressure therapy is what you called it.

Eddie did his own research in his free time, it's a form of release that can help autistic people calm down.

Your struggling soon subsides as you turn yourself around in his lap hiding your face in his chest.

"Too much..." You mumbled.

For a moment, Eddie panicked thinking his touch was too much but hearing your cry of protest when he goes to move you from his lap calms his nerves.

"What is N/n?" He asks calmly gently running a hand through your hair.

"The thoughts...the future...I-I can't..." Eddie can feel your body shake and breath start to speed up again.

"Woah woah, hey no, it's okay!" Beginning to rock the both of you back and forth, Eddie began humming.

Humming a song he's heard you listen to a thousand times over whenever you felt this way.

You two stayed on the floor like this for maybe an hour. Eddie whispering confirmations that the future will be bright snd that he'll make sure it will be or the universe will have hell to pay.

Sniffling softly you pull your head away from him to look at him shyly "I-Im sorry Eds, I-" Eddie shook his not.

"No, Nope. Uh-huh, not gonna let you apologize for something you can't help," He slowly, and awkwardly, stands. Keeping you in his arms to carry you over to your bed.

"Let's get you cleaned up and some rest okay?" You gently nod watching him disappear for a moment.

When Eddie returns, he's holding the first aid kit from your bathroom and a glass of water.

Sitting next to you and leaving the water on your nightstand, Eddie gently picks up your bloodied knuckles.

"Shit N/n, you really did a number on yourself," He mumbles bringing a wet rag you hadn't noticed he grabbed to your knuckles.

Hissing at the pain you whine about how it hurts "I know bubs, just a little more."

Once the blood was washed away, Eddie bandages your hand with gauze and an ace wrap before bringing your bandages hand to his lips; gently kissing it.

Smiling softly at him Eddie moves to grip your face in his hands and started his work of cleaning your bloodied nose and lips.

Eddie wouldn't admit this outloud but he LOVES taking care of you. He would do it a thousand times over, no questions asked.

All be it, he'll tease you about lightly. But he loves watching the way you admire his face as he's being gentle with you.

"There, all better." Standing to dispose of the rag and empty bandage wrappers, Eddie snags the bottle of pills from your dresser.

"Did you take these today?" He signed as you shook your head no.

"Well, we can take them now yeah?" Popping the bottle open, he pours the two pills into his hand before holding them out to you.

"Thanks,"

Satisfied after seeing your take your medicine Eddie shuts the lights off and climbs into bed with you; pulling you close.

He had this whole plan of coming over to confess his feelings, eating his weight in take out, and maybe even getting high with you but that would have to wait.

But that's okay, Eddie would wait a thousand years in order to tell you how he felt. He just wanted to make sure you're okay first.

"Thank you Eddie, I don't know what I would do without you..." You mumble slipping off into the land of dreams.

Pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead, Eddie relaxes and allows himself to enjoy this moment before he too slips into sleep.

#theo talks #self indulgence fic #Eddie Munson x Male reader #Eddie Munson x reader

[sevikasleftpussyflap]

I've seen your autistic reader headcannons with sevika and I was wondering, could you do an ADHD reader with her? :D

Hello! Sorry this took so long :)

I love this idea and some dumb bitch in my inbox asked something similar so I decided to combine them

@sxpphicfxiry : Can you do a sev x reader where the reader is ALWAYS full of energy, like even before they go to sleep or even when they just wake up. thank you bff <3

👁🫁👁

Sevika loves you, she does, but she would rather saw off her other arm than be paired with you on a mission. No thoughts run through that head of yours before doing some impulsive shit that causes her gray hairs

When you and Jinx are in close proximity she books it out of there. If you two separate are wild, then you two together are chaos

When you're perched on that lap, no you're not. It cannot be described as 'perched' when you're swapping thighs every five minutes. If her forearm is barring you from moving then you're squirming, tugging on her choker, fiddling with her arm, playing with her hair, knocking your foot against her leg, etc

She's very used to you touching her, whether that be tracing her muscles, drumming on any part of her body, intertwining your fingers with hers and swinging your hands

Will make you do her grueling workouts with her to burn some of that energy

Good god, are you wired before you go to bed. She doesn't let you have any kind of stimulation 30 minutes before you have to lay down. She's not above popping you sleeping pills, plying you with melatonin, or laying on top of you so you're forced to wind down

"So today, Jinx and I went to Jericho's and she actually made a really good point about tomorrow's mission, y'know how you said no bombs? Okay but what about-" Fingers wrap around your jaw mid conversation. A pill is pushed onto your tongue, barely halting your words for a second. Sevika's tuning you out in favor of focusing on your nighttime routine. Her hand stays holding your jaw while she half turns to grab a water bottle. "-she said that they'd just be paint bombs, not explody-fire ones-" "Drink." "-and I said I'd talk to you about it-"

She will also tire you out in other ways if y'know what I'm saying

Like sitting on you and letting you struggle

In the mornings you're talking her ear off while she gets everything ready. You have a reward system in place for when you can finish your breakfast in under 10 minutes

She has to repeat Silco's instructions for you several times because you forget, and also he just talks way too damn slow for you to pay attention

When she's talking to you she knows exactly when she loses you, your eyes glaze over or you're looking around the room at something else, so she'll tap your hand or grab your chin to focus your attention back onto her

Your little to no sense of danger is probably how you got involved with her. Anyone else is wary of the scary lady, but you saddled up right next to her at the bar and started chatting with her

"Hi! You're Sevika? They said to come to you for my assignment. I'm new, as you can tell. It's so nice to meet you! I love your eyes-" Sevika's taken aback by the inability of her glare to falter your words. You just keep going, emptying all of the thoughts rattling around that head of yours about her appearance, how you got the job, and your glowing review of the bar until she cuts in with tomorrow's instructions. Her one word responses and gruff replies do not deter you in the slightest. "Ca- oh, that's my favorite order here, too! Can I buy you a drink?" She blinks. "Mine are on the house." "That's awesome! Dinner then?"

You two are polar opposites

Thankfully her long legs allow her to keep up with you at the market in Zaun because you're fluttering rapidly between stands, distracted by shiny objects

She'll probably get you a makeshift leash because she can't turn her eyes away from you for a second lest she lose you

And it gives her a heart attack every time she does, which she shows in anger

She keeps a grip on your belt loop when she needs to talk to one of the vendors

Sometimes your inability to prioritize or your restlessness will have you tearing up in frustration. You don't have a good handle on your anxiety and you lose your temper often

Sevika will halt your pacing and pull you into her arms. She turns your gaze to hers while she tells you to breathe, that you're okay, you have all the time in the world to get your tasks done and she'll help you with them

She keeps up with your schedule and reminds you when she has to. She doesn't let you put anything off but she does reward you when you get things done

She'll smirk at how excited you get when you complete everything you need to do for the day. You'll be jumping up and down before she whisks you into her arms

#sevika x reader #arcane sevika x reader #sevika imagine

[dem0nguy]

RAMBLETIME 3 (uh, i can’t think of a rhyme for this one)

Doin this one for my friend @spinningbagel <3

Im gonna ramble about one of my favorite sillies, Dr. White. Who has very little screentime and so much goddamn potential.

- He adopted both Vegan and BP long before the apocalypse

- Unlabeled (stole that from Polar) and has had relationships with a lot of different people, but none of them really worked out.

- He pretty tall (like, ~6ft)

- He got da ✨AUTISM✨ and ADHD too. He scratches the back of his neck when anxious (got that one from sir_writesalot on ao3), he also flaps his hands when he’s excited, makes eccentric poses, and paces/bounces around the room when he’s thinking.

- His current hyperfixation is cats, he just loves them. (He had a cat before the apocalypse that sadly met its end, but lived a full life)

- All his scientific degrees were hyperfixations at some point. (Same with the books he’s written, they were just excuses to ramble about his hyperfixations)

- Local tea enthusiast

- Knows bits and pieces of other languages from listening to operas and songs. He was also in a choir before the apocalypse, so he sung in a lot of different languages.

- Used to sing Vegan-Su and BP to sleep when they were younger (their favorite song was silent night)

- Has religious trauma bc his family was kinda shit. They didn’t believe in science and shamed him for his autistic behavior.

- Has trauma from being transformed into a colossus, but plays it off like he’s fine.

- Gets along really well with Brutux because of their similar interests in literature/music/science.

- Won the Nobel Prize for his research before the apocalypse (he has it somewhere in his closet now…)

- Despite his silly attitude, everyone in La Résistance respects him (except maybe Sheriff, bc Sheriff doesn’t respect anyone)

- Would do anything for his kids, they are what he lives for.

- Bonds with Sheriff at some point, bc underneath Sheriff’s cocky attitude he is also severely traumatized :]

I think that’s pretty much all I’ve got, he’s one of my favorite characters tho so I’ll probably come up with more at some point :D

#ramble time #demonguy rambles #mutant busters #dr. white #dr. white mutant busters #he so silly #i love him #<3

[doggirldick]

i was writing tags on that last post and had a childhood nostalgia moment so here's a little storytime about my childhood and early games i played. ehem

imagine you are a little child. you have a ps2 that your dad left behind when he fucked off. your exposure to video games is shitty ps2 movie tie-in games.

your primary school is in a tiny village out in the english countryside.

they had an afterschool 'club' that was really just 2 mothers of kids at the school babysitting kids whose parents couldn't pick them up immediately. image you are there every single school day bc school finishes at 3pm and you are growing up with a working class single mum whose always working long hours to keep a roof over your head because your shitty father doesn't pay child support.

the club's in the school assembly hall so there's a lot of room to run round. they have a table with paper and pencils and felt tips so kids can sit and draw. they have a table with a box full of a mix of lego and mega blocks. there is one empty table just for whatever. in one corner, there is a little crt with a built-in vcr on the floor with some shitty old kids movies on vhs next to it, there are a few beanbags borrowed from the school library (a tiny room that can hardly be called a library but whatever) in front of the tv.

you're an undiagnosed autistic 5 year old that just moved to this school so you just sit in silence playing with lego by yourself and pissing yourself cause you're too autistic to ask to go to the bathroom.

one day. they get an old ps1 for the tv. 3 whole games and no memory card yippeeeee.

the games?

Action Man: Destruction X (anyone remember action man? i had this one doll that came with a snowmobile he could ride that fired giant snowballs out the sides and he had a hole in the back of his head so you could see through the visor on his helmet, it was the COOLEST toy when i got it).

Tweenies: Game Time (if you were a british kid in the early 2000s too poor for cable or whatever, chances are you grew up watching cbeebies and cbbc, maybe citv. my memory is vague but back before the digital switchover and the reign of freeview, when all we had was like 5 analogue channels, when i was young enough to watch cbeebies, i'm pretty sure they had like a cbeebies block and a cbbc block on bbc two in the morning before school)

RAYMAN. finally. a game that wasn't a tie-in, and not only that but it offered passwords in addition to saving so even though we didn't have a memory card, we could write a password down.

rayman was magical. beautifully drawn and animated. to my little child eyes it was just like a cartoon. it was also hard as balls so even with our passwords, we never got very far at all but i was obsessed. whiling away the hours after school fumbling around the first few levels every day. one time an older kid who was actually good at video games was at the club and made some actual progress while i watched mesmerised, had my mind blown when he got the helicopter hair powerup thing.

i later got a ds lite and the first game i got was rayman ds which was a ds port of rayman 2. fucking awesome. got stuck for a while until someone told me that if you let the walking shell chase you in a circle, it gets tired and you can ride it. COOLEST SHIT EVER. got stuck again cause i always got lost in the fire temple place and then on time i got jumpscared by one of those fucking scary bastards popping out from behind a rock and i didn't want finish it until years later when i got an action replay lol.

i stopped playing rayman bc someone let me play new super mario bros on their ds and then i got obsessed with mario until pokemon entered my life and platinum released here may 22nd 2009, the day before my 10th birthday and guess what my dad got me in one of his many attempts to make me not grow up hating him.

there. i'm done. i did make friends with other regulars at the club eventually, that's how i got into pokemon. we'd pretend to be pokemon and i had a sonic oc in like 2007 i would pretend to be sometimes. my exposure to sonic was sonic gems collection for ps2 but in 2007 my dad got me a psp and sonic rivals. sonic gems collection had a museum with unlockable art and sonic rivals had unlockable cards with art so i learned about other sonic games through these images until i got internet and watched the cutscenes on youtube lmao.

[awesamkiller]

Talking to someone for a RP and it make me go back and look at my virgil headcanons and this shit slaps so take it. Please I want yalls opinions

- Virgil is naturally nocturnal. Always has been. Something about anxiety meaning vigilance meaning watching over the pack at night instinct. At least that’s how he explains it.

- If you condescend him or treat him like a child he lashes out.

- He has a funky lil power of SPIDER LEGS coming from his back. He can also spin webs from his fingers. The fiber is silk-like and can be dyed after it is produced. He uses it for barricading his door if he wants to be alone, creating fun swinging hammocks, and as a sort of knitting. Patton hates it. It’s all too much spider for him.

- Virgils also like 6’10. Like he’s unreasonably tall.

- If you talk to Virgil from behind without making your presence known first he will turn around and punch you.

- Speaking of punching. Virgil likes to use a punching bag in his room but often neglects to wrap or glove his hands so his hands are almost always completely busted and bloody, or at least red raw.

- This has the benefit of making him Fucking Strong. You can’t tell under the baggy hoodie but he has decent muscle. He doesn’t look like a bodybuilder but he… has like, a swimmers body. Strong but slender.

- Virgil has very odd food habits and doesn’t often come to meals (to Pattons dismay). He mostly snacks throughout the day. If he does come to dinner to socialise with the group, he’ll have a mug of broth or something similar. He’s fine, he just doesn’t like eating in big sittings.

- He has three normal piercings to each ear and an industrial bar piercing at the top of both too.

- He has a body-mod split tongue. Remus helped with that before Virgil left the dark sides.

- When not in the vicinity of the light sides, he likes to switch back to his old hoodie.

- He has a lot of incense and a lot of scented candles in his room. He also can change the atmosphere. Back when everyone got anxious in his room he didn’t have much control over it, but he’s gotten much better at it since.

- He has a little closet in his room that is full of pillows, blankets, and even a few fairy lights, as well as a few weighted plushies (all funky little spiders). It’s a calm-down space.

- He’s autistic.

- When over-tired, stressed, or at the peak of his anxiety, Virgil often hallucinates. This can be things such as being swarmed by rats, eyes watching him, or hands in the corner of his vision, coming from under furniture, around doors and the like.

- He hates coffee.

- Virgil can drink upwards of 5 energy drinks a day (because, as mentioned, he’s practically nocturnal if he doesn’t), and as a result always has very prominent shakes. He can usually hide it by pulling his hands into his massive baggy hoodie, but if you catch him pouring a drink, changing clothes, or anything that would cause his hands or general upper body to be visible, he will be trembling a *lot.*

- He has nothing against Romans colour choice, but he sometimes jumps when seeing him simply because red reminds him of danger, blood and fire, and as a result, red is a colour that makes Virgil anxious.

- Virgil is almost always in fight or flight mode. He fights more so than flights. If you scare him, you will probably get knocked out or at least get a good bruise.

- Virgil has scars on his arms from his nails, which are sharp and stained black. When he panics, he digs them into his arms subconsciously, and he’s self conscious of the deep, crescent moon shaped scars his nails have left behind.

- When Virgil cries, the tears turn to smoke after falling down his face. If he’s sobbing, it can become genuinely hard to help because he is literally creating his own smoke screen.

- Virgils blood is jet black, and sticky, like tar. If you try tasting it for some reason, it’s bitter and rancid tasting, and is heavy on iron. If you hold a magnet on it when it’s outside Virgil’s body, it will stick to the magnet.

#Toby tattling #Virgil sanders #lol

[laird-o-gerblins]

Through the sheer force of 27mg of methylphenidate I'm going through my hoard-drawers, which have been maturing for over a decade now.

Growing up my mum's always encouraged throwing shit away that's no longer needed, as my grandad was a grade A+ super-hoarder, he had a cabinet under the stairs full of stuff that might be useful, some day, and heavens knows what in his room (separate from my gran's room) - all I *heard* about was the money stashed in his mattress (most of which has gone towards his and my gran's care expenses bc a working class family can't have elder care and keep more than £15k *inclusive of property* (read: family homes).

So to get to the actual point of my post, I've been torn for years between "get rid of xyz, it's not useful, you don't need it," and what I'm beginning to see is probably that good old autistic/ ND attachment to inanimate objects. There are some things here that are straight up junk - training notes my weirdass old boss insisted trainees take, fuckin' plastic bags, paintbrushes that are good for nothing but I felt guilty throwing out bc my aunty bought them for me when I was twelve.

HOWEVER there's also some shit that actually brings a smile to my face (now that I'm a little older and some of that ol' non-practicing culturally catholic guilt fell away.) Like the postcards I got on a school trip to Italy, when I'd been instructed to buy some for my cousin who collects them, forgot to buy at any of the actual historical site gift-shops we were at, then panic-bought at the airport before the trip back to Scotland. There's also the imprints from my orthodontics work, that's actually pretty cool to look over. Spent years remembering them every few months or so and thinking, wow, there's no way I should be keeping them.

BUT THEY'VE MADE MY DAY! I get to look back at my old teeth from before the braces and a million extractions, when I was a kid who felt out of place and didn't know why because I've never really heard of being trans never mind not being a boy *or* a girl, and my being out of step socially isn't that big of a deal in a small country school, and my extreme distractibility and emotional outbursts are simply dealt with instead of being examined as proof of Something. But this lil kid tried their best even when they were told their best wasn't good enough, and they took their insecurities about their fucked up teeth and turned it into a fun joke, calling themself a "vampire were-rabbit," because that Wallace and Gromit" movie was stuck in their head.

I'm really glad that lil kid stuck with themself long enough to become me and I'm finishing this fucking post before my wet eyes develop into actual tears thank you and good Timezone.

[box-dwelling]

Today on the blorbo rotisserie spit in my mind is my own dnd character. I just have so many fucking thoughts about her. Especially after last session and I have to wait a full week to get into it and it's gonna be so interesting and just ugh. I honestly kinda want out heist next week to go wrong because the drama of that my god.

Ok so she's kind of a lot to explain. Basically her name is Amy, she's a dwarven wizard and her background is that her parents escaped from a very heavily colonised and exploited area through various questionably legal means, and also questionably moral means when she was still a little kid. Her dad worked his ass off basically establishing the mob in a big city and gaining a pretty significant place of power in said city. After that her life was kinda chill for a bit, she was new money rich girl vibes. Very autistic, lost her mum to disease and had some pretty shitty relationships (her sexuality is something I'm still trying to figure out. She's only dated men and one NB before (literally her only good relationship lol) but there's a couple of places in her backstory where I'm like... Hmm maybe she's a little sapphic and maybe she's not into men at all, still feeling it out) anyway she was working on some pretty insane magical research that her twin sister then stole. A few weeks later said research has very clearly been used on a magically nuclear bomb. Now it was used on literally the same group that was colonising her home nation so there's a lot of mixed feelings there. So Amy goes into a full spiral and basically just goes completely AWOL from her friends and support network trying to find her sister, get her research back and get an explanation for why it was taken and used on a god damn nuke.

Through various logistics she meets the party and decides to ally with them because they're also dealing with several world ending threats and she is desperately lonely and wants to have some people around her that she isn't terrified she's dragging into worse shit by being friends with them. By doing this she meets Tam. Tam is a DM PC who is honestly a lot of the time a vehicle for jokes. He's a rouge and a little bit dumb but he's got a sweet heart and is genuinely brave. Now those two had met before because he worked at a dishwasher in her mansions for a while, during which he stole her curtains. For the first good few sessions they had a very antagonist relationship at least on her end and given that Amy has a tendency to serve a little bit as comic relief when her story isn't being directly discussed it's was kind of a fun thing for me and our DM to play with when the tension needed cutting. Anyway after a few sessions of this I suddenly got the thought "oh my god enemies to lovers Tam and Amy" and we all thought it was funny so we have been running around this weird flirtationship with the two of them for a bit. They had some genuinely cute moments, like him giving her the curtains back so she can furnish her room in the extra dimensional mini van the party live in or her using mold earth to help him garden. At this point nothing has happened but he's noticed her very obvious crush on him and told her he feels the same.

Anyway as this is happening we're involved in this towns deeply complicated political web and simultaneously trying to help out an indigenous settlement and also stop a train that we probably do need to get on from being built because of the harm it will do to said settlement and also because Amy has figured out it is being made with no god damn health and safety procedures. We also then found out that said magical nuke you know the one that has Amy's research in it is being planned or be used on a group of powerful agents in the area. A group that Amy happens to know quite well. Now the leader is kind of a generally bad guy and is also very envious of her father's position and wants his title for himself. But still, he's not bad enough to justify using the nuke. So we're trying to stop that if at all possible, which will also win us some clout that maybe used to better negotiate for the rights of the indeginous settlement.

So the party minus Tam who was off doing a bit, went to go get some information and one of the things we learnt is that the leader of this group is actually looking for Amy because he wants to arrange a political marriage between her and his son. So while we don't have a full plan yet, we're thinking of bringing her to him, getting her to have a negotiation about that arrangement and then assianating him to stop the nuke from going off because of he's gone then it won't, or at least in my head, maybe just a general negotiation with him because it's not like we're particularly fond of the people who are asking him to be killed because they are the ones threatening the indigenous settlement. But Tam is none the wiser and just ugh the drama of it all. Because political marriage isn't necessarily off the table for her, especially if it gets them safe passage to the next place they need to go because that is something that's becoming harder and harder to figure out how to do. And our DM, is not someone to throw a one dimensional bad guy at us. I wouldn't be surprised is he has a good amount to offer at this negotiation. But at the same time Amy's still in a pretty self destructive spiral and does want that research back but it wouldn't be like she was endangering anyone she actually cares about. But there's this buding romance and budding friendship that's also happening at the same time and I just can't wait to see where it all goes.

There's also a lot of other threads at play here, most of this is honestly a side story. The lore is deep and complex and fascinating but I'm just trying to cover the directly relevent stuff to Amy right now. Anyway here's was my first ever art of her to reward anyone who read this far

#Dnd Oc Tag #Amy tag

[blergeatkitty]

I wish I had taken “Before” pictures, because the underneath-the-kitchen-sink was super disgusting.

Imagine an under-sink area that was disgusting to begin with, with cracked white melamine where the idiot previous tenant had overtightened a bunch of screws, and full of nasty gunge and bunches of grease-stained cleaning products and stuff.

When I moved in (ten years ago, woo!) I had just gotten the divorce papers signed and stamped and had moved here while the X stayed in our fancy old place, rent-free, with her midlife crisis downgrade, Neanderthal-boy.

Psychologically speaking, the technical term for my state of mind at the time was “FUCKED”, but the DSM-V clarifies this as “hot mess with a side order of grief, dejection, and treatment-resistant depression. Also an inglorious helping of self-pity”.

Recently, after years of uncoiling the hot mess, two autistic and depression related work meltdowns that had me on disability for a year and a half in total, a number of different treatments that didn’t work, one that nearly drove me to self-harm (eek!) one that FINALLY worked (you wouldn’t think it, but it was a new research project involving an intravenous ketamine protocol and if you send an ask I’ll be happy to oblige with that story), a bunch of self-care work a truly hip and fantastic psychiatrist, and a few supplements, I finally FINALLY found my SPOOOOOOOONS!

Like, energy, folx.

I found my GAS. My Giving A Shit.

It had returned.

I had enough energy to look around and start thinking about improving my environment, in other words.

It started with my daughter’s room about a month or so back.

She turned 18 a little while ago (yeah, poor kid han’t even turned 8 when all this horrible shot first went down) and moved into her own place with a friend so I took the opportunity to turn her mess (no judgment, it was just a regular teenage mess, nothing special, and I was not about to call her out on it because [gestures helplessly to rest of untidy place that I should have been cleaning had I the spoons] of a room into something she would enjoy coming back to visit anytime (and it would make a tidy guest room and bathroom area as well).

But today I found time to do something strictly for Me.

My kitchen.

And it started with wanting to put up some wall decals to brighten the atmosphere a little. But the walls and cupboards had a thin (cough, decade-old, cough) coating of neglectful grease on them that made me stop before I even got started.

So I pushed a pebble down a hill full of snow and yeah, it avalanched. Looney Tunes style.

No. Malcolm in the Middle style!

Https://YouTu.be/AbSehcT19u0

Wiping down a counter made me realize the spice rack had a greasy feel to it.

Cleaning the spice rack made me think of wiping down the backsplash behind it.

Which made me notice the microwave.

Which led me to notice the OVEN. (Ew).

And the oven and microwave lights needed replacing.

From like, ten years ago.

Cleaning a cupboard surface made me realize the side of the fridge was dirty. Cleaning the fridge made me realize the floor needed mopping and the grout was dirty and gross looking.

And from where I sat scrubbing floor tile. I noticed the sink.

Specifically, the underside of the sink.

And I REALLY should have taken a Before picture because no description I can provide will truly give it Justice.

But here’s a 1000-word substitute for what the upgrade looks like, and I’m sooper-proud of myself:

And the rest of the kitchen looks nice too:

And I even went to the hardware store to get new fluorescent lights for the main lighting because it had been too long since a couple had burned out and needed replacing.

And yeah, I didn’t forget the whole reason I started this avalanche of home care.

I even put up one of the new decals. (The onion, not the birds).

#self improvement #self healing #self care #kitchen #let that sink in

[scrawnytreedemon]

Can’t sleep, mind going precisely 56 miles an hour, so I think I’ll finally get around to writing this.

Couples days back, I went ahead and finally psyched myself up to do the Zant bossfight.

Because I’d picked up where I’d left off yesterday, which was just before the boss room, obviously I was taken back to the beginning of the area. This gave the whole ordeal a trek, if a short one, what with the Palace of Twilight’s laughable length, and me more time to think.

I didn’t want to do this.

It sounds stupid, but I really didn’t want to do this. I’d cried the day before trying to psych myself up and failing, and I’d cried then, before the boss door, stalling by sweeping away the crystal-fog as best I could-- A meagre attempt at housekeeping, and a futile one. Of course I couldn’t. This isn’t that sort of game. This isn’t a game for failed attempts at kindness, at least trying to clean this awful, awful place for an awful, awful man going through awful, awful things. I was supposed to be a hero.

Heroes don’t make beds.

They don’t wash dishes, or hang laundry, or hold a rival’s hand,

They kill.

The trek didn’t stop past the door, either.

We still had to walk up the stairs. To the throne.

To him.

And I was there, laugh-crying, wishing I didn’t have to. That I could skip this pathetic ordeal.

I tried to turn around and leave.

Despite it only looking like a larger one of the many, many doors we’ve passed through this awful, nonsensical, poorly-designed excuse for a palace that no one could ever live in, it didn’t budge. There wasn’t any turning back. I had to go forward, because this is an action game, and violence is key.

The game takes the reigns. Link walks up to the throne, sword drawn, despite my deliberate decision to sheathe it. The narrative begins again. Midna sneers, and throws a taunt at him.

Zant sits, and smiles. Smiles like he thinks he still has some form of control, or knows full well he’s lost it.

You know, when I was working through the Palace of Twilight, I’d come to the realisation that... Zant locked himself in the throneroom. From the outside. Logistically, despite the good laugh I had over this guy locking himself in from the fucking outside, where his opponents can grab the key, he could get out easily-- teleportation and all. But even that aside, it still spoke to a level of hasty panic, that he would even keep the key outside, behind a waterfall of yet more shitty fog-crytals in the hopes that would deter them. Deter us.

How long had the guy been here, alone in that room?

We all know what happens next. Despite this being my first playthrough, I’ve probably seen this cutscene a dozen times. Zant has what amounts to an overly-dramatised autistic meltdown expositing himself and his motivations. That he was upset and felt like everything he’d worked for had been taken away from him. That he was angry, angry and fed up of being relegated to a half-existence. Midna retorts, Zant wails some more.

What gets me is that, when Ganondorf visits him, engulfs him in this flaming ball of fucked-magical-fuckery, he just. Stares. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t do anything. Ganondorf speaks as though he’s already decided that, yes, you will do, we will make a pact and rule Everything together; I will live on through you.

Did Zant even agree to this?

I think, subconsciously or not, he accepted it, but it begs the question of whether or not Zant was capable enough to partake in it.

Whatever the answer, he’s clearly not capable enough to partake in this. This fight.

It’s laughable, that I’m expected to find victory in this.

The fight was a fucking slog, 90% of the time. Some of these boss-battles I hadn’t played in nearly two years thanks to the impromptu hiatuses I’m so fond of taking, so I didn’t know what the fuck I was meant to be doing half the time-- And when I did, it lagged to shit everytime this poor bastard fired projectiles, because I was playing on the gamepad, because why on earth would I play this on the goddamn TV? It was a sad, pitiful encounter that I had to laugh my way through and also mumble “what the fuck“ on several occasions because I guess somebody at Nintendo ate cheese before bed and the dev team were so desperate to patch something together for this guy’s sudden crisis that they threw it in-- I’m obviously having a good laugh, but What The Fuck.

I knock the guy down in the last phase of the battle, the only one where he isn’t mimicking something else and dizzies himself spinning like a hyperactive child, and the game takes the reigns again. Midna prepares her hair. I look away-- I’ve seen it before, many times before, and it’s cartoonishly grotesque for a game that relies heavily on somber semi-realism. Midna has her own crisis-- And yeah, yeah bossbabe, I feel it.

It cuts back, and there’s a Heart Container on the guy’s throne.

I.

I killed a guy, and now I’m collecting his lifeforce. I stormed into the bunged-up attempt of a fortress conjured up as a last defense by a man who’s fallen head-first into insanity, tore through any meagre security measure like butter, murder the guy when he’s having an episode, he dies a fucked up death, and then I collect his lifeforce.

Is that fucked up or what?

For all of Zelda’s endless violence, rarely do you actually kill “people.“ It’s the kind of stuff reserved for the end, for Ganondorf, or some other corrupted nigh-demigod on the brink of losing their humanity, or never having possessed it.

We kill Zant.

Zant barely puts up a fight, and we kill him. Zant gets summoned from the netherworld by Ganondorf in Hyrule Warriors; we put him there in the first place.

If we were to view this from a literal, like this shit actually happened and these characters are to be held accountable standpoint, then what we did was justified-- If not wholly, then mostly. Zant got power-hungry, committed what amounts to a bio-terroristic coup on the government, disfigured his rival, a woman notorious for her beauty, then proceeded to attempt the same thing with Hyrule, leading to the indirect death of at least the people who got transfigured into Shadow-Beasts in Kakariko, and attacks you first, then yeah, no biggie?

But I’ll be fucking real with you chief, I don’t find it... I don’t know, persuasive? Effective? Compelling, would be the best word, to think of it that way?

What Zant is, is a narrative tool. One that was set up to be this big, bad interloper who you need to Take Down and Save Everything, as per usual Zelda format. The justification for why we should hate him, if I’m going to be honest, feels contrived, most of the time. He does some bad thing off-screen, Midna gets pissed, Midna and everyone within a 12-mile radius explains why we should be pissed in a way that often feels borderline developer-hand-y-- And that’s. Well that’s how Zelda usually is.

It’s justification to commit violence.

--To be clear, I don’t say this in a political sense. I mean it in the very literal “hit/kill a guy“ sense. And in all honesty, that’s kinda inherent to the ethos of action games. We enjoy catharsis-- We enjoy taking down big things, it’s satisfying! I’ve played a little Hyrule Warriors-- Loved the feel of it. Violence is inherent to even the most benign of action games, and it is what it is.

Where it falls short for me, is that with Zant, I don’t feel like I’m taking down some great foe that I should justifiably hate.

I feel like I’m a clearly more equipped person breaking into a room, and bludgeoning a mentally ill person.

I’m autistic. I may slot in easier to NT society than most, but I am autistic, and it makes me deeply uncomfortable to see something I’ve fucking gone through be used carelessly as flavour for a prelude to violence. I have meltdowns. They’re relatively rare, and mostly in my room, alone, but I’ve also experienced one out in public. It was only sobbing, but there’s a special kind of horror, of humilation in knowing other people, strangers, family, what have you, are seeing it, and all you can think is how much you failed.

I can’t fully articulate why I cried so much during this, quite frankly, menial ordeal. I’m half-embarrassed to even talk about it-- Because then that means caring too much, and I can’t care too much over a poorly-justified character that wasn’t even intended to be sympathised with and that most of the fandom laughs at. And I can’t say I blame them.

I guess at the end of the day it comes down to the ever-present pity; some strange, childish commiseration I’d indulged in ever since I was six and cooing over Bowser and how awful everything was for him, that despite my continuous efforts, I can’t ever seem to explain.

I didn’t like the Zant fight. It felt empty,

And all did was sweep cobwebs and try to turn back.

#scrawny rambles #scrawny speaks #tloz #twilight princess #zant #back at it again with anotherhgkjhgjkhgkhj #thoughts #i'm tired of how violence is used to handle everything i guess #i feel like i'm walking around with a hammer wanting to buils a little shed and maybe set it down and make soup and hand it out #but the game goes NO bludgeoning ONLY you MUST KILL ALL THE WRONGDOERS VIOLENCE IS THE ONLY WAY-- #cAN WE MAYBE??? N O T?? FOR ONCE??? #AGAIN to get onto another thing. fuckign. mnish cap. and how e/zlo i n s i s t s the only thing to do about v/aati is kill him #you know. #his child student. that HE TUTORED WHAT THE FU C K #AND EVERYONE??? THINKS IT'S F I N E?? #(slashes employed so it doesn't show up in those tagshdjjhgjkhg) #BUT YEAH WHAT EVEN #i suppose another part of this is just how. violence is glorified so much even in everyday culture. even in progressive circles. #[especially in progressive circles.] #ugh. god i really am a soppy little lawful good pacifist aren't i??? #hhgjhfjgjl #it's 12am forgive any typos

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

Can you talk about autistic Hawk/Eil

Sure, I’d love to!!!

Credit where credit is due, of course--I got a lot of my Autistic Eli headcanons from @jackonthelongwalk, who’s got a little more authority to speak on the subject since he’s actually autistic and whatnot. I mainly just saw his takes and was like “THOSE ARE GOOD TAKES” and adopted all of them XD Although I DID come up with a few of my own headcanons!!! I’ll just compile everything here.

~Eli tends to be pretty particular about physical touch, and a lot of the time he doesn’t really like it. Over the years, Demetri’s found that one type of touch that Eli’s okay with is shoulder-squeezing, and it kinda becomes their thing. Typically Demetri giving Eli a quick shoulder squeeze helps comfort him and makes him feel safe by basically reassuring him “I’m here for you, I’ve got your back.” You can see Demetri give Eli a shoulder squeeze in 2x09 when he’s comforting him about Moon, and he does the EXACT same one in the school fight in 2x10 just before kicking him into the trophy case. I think it was his way of saying “even though we’re fighting right now, I still care about you” and that kinda helped snap Hawk out of his near-psychopathic rage. In Season 3, he’s still shitty to Demetri, obviously, but it’s more controlled, not as unhinged or feral--even when Hawk breaks his arm, he hesitates a LOT before and regrets it IMMEDIATELY after in a way I’m not sure his UNCHECKED RAEEEGE self would have during the school fight.

~Over the years Demetri develops kind of a sixth sense of when Eli is about to have a meltdown. He’s able to pick up on super minute changes in body language, changes in the way Eli speaks, small alterations in Eli’s general temperament--basically anything that indicates he’s getting overwhelmed. That’s actually how he discovers the shoulder squeeze tactic--Demetri realizes he needs a quick way to comfort and reassure Eli when he can’t go in for a full hug (like they’re in the middle of class or something) so he can calm Eli down a bit and stop him from having a meltdown. Mainly because Demetri knows the bullies will have a field day if Eli cries in front of the other kids, so the shoulder squeeze develops as sort of a way to protect Eli from this.

~At some point after Demetri first started using the shoulder touch/squeeze on Eli, Eli started also using it on Demetri to quickly communicate affection/appreciation. Demetri isn’t nearly as touch-averse or picky with physical touch as Eli, and would’ve been okay with a number of physical touches, but he’s honestly super touched that Eli saw him doing a thing and was like “Oh hey!!! Demetri does this thing to me and it makes me feel safe and loved, so I’m sure it’ll do the same if I do it to him!!!” It kinda becomes their special touch, and becomes somewhat of a silent “I love you” (although obviously these two clueless idiots are led to believe it’s ONLY platonic love for many, many years XD). You can see Eli give a little shoulder pat/squeeze to Demetri at the beach party in 1x09!!

~Eli really does not like being touched around or under the chin, mainly because this is how bullies like Kyler touch him and it’s triggering for him. Demetri basically never touches him here. Even after they get together and start getting intimate, Demetri tends to touch/stroke Eli’s cheeks or the side of his head if he wants to touch his face, but he avoids touching Eli’s chin like the plague because he knows how much Eli dislikes it. This is something Eli really deeply appreciates--even Moon wasn’t able to catch on to the fact that he didn’t like having his chin touched, and he was too obsessed with coming across as “tough” to her to admit that it bothered him. Moon didn’t mean any harm at all, of course, she just wasn’t able to pick up on his more subtle indications that he wasn’t a huge fan of chin touches. Demetri has come to pick these indications up by second nature.

~The whole thing Demetri does at the beginning of the show where he kinda talks “for” Eli (the thing that, ironically, people loooooove to blast him about for being a “terrible friend”) I think is largely done because Eli is autistic. Eli seems to have a lot of social anxiety right from the get-go--he doesn’t even verbally greet Miguel when he first sits with him and Demetri and Demetri introduces Eli. Eli just kinda awkwardly smiles and nods at him. He’s obviously not great with social cues either, which we see later on--he’s so PAINFULLY oblivious to the fact that Piper is super not at all into it when he tries to hit on her in Season 2. I imagine after a number of social blunders in their youth, and seeing just how uncomfortable and anxious social situations made Eli, Demetri took the reigns and did a lot of communicating FOR Eli to take some of the pressure off of him to talk. I’d argue that once Demetri is taken out of the picture, we can see in full force JUST how socially anxious and uncomfortable Eli really is--he seems damn near terrified trying to stand up for himself against Johnny when Demetri’s not there. He’s lowkey stuttering and tripping over his words, his voice is shaking. He nearly leaves the room in tears. He’s used to letting Demetri be his voice, and this seems to be what makes him feel safest and most secure. When this is taken away, he has to find a new way to protect himself--hence, possibly, the entire Hawk persona.

~Eli has a lot of issues with emotional regulation and often feels emotions really, really strongly and gets overwhelmed by them--as an ADHDer, this is a struggle I understand SO MUCH. When Eli gets really overwhelmed with strong emotion, he tends to have meltdowns. These can be either sadness-based meltdowns (like we see in the flashback) or angry meltdowns (like we see when he beats Brucks up). Due to his emotional regulation issues, Eli has a really hard time hiding his emotions or stopping a meltdown once it kinda onsets--this is why he tends to “bawl” at movies. Once he starts crying, he can’t really stop, or reign it in--it just keeps coming. He also can’t really hold it back--his emotions tend to force their way out, whether he wants them to or not. This is also why he goes so HARD when he’s angry--wailing on Brucks, throwing punch after punch at Demetri at the school fight, getting carried away and attacking Robby’s injured shoulder at the tournament. His anger (and other emotions) tends to just kinda explode out, and he has a really hard time reigning them back in and keeping them in check. Demetri, ever the voice of ration and reason, can help with this--and probably has a lot, historically. With Demetri less and less in the picture and their relationship on the rocks, Eli’s emotions just seem to get even more wild and uncontrolled, particularly his anger. Part of the reason I think Demetri and Eli work so well together--Eli tends to get very caught up in his emotions (no shame in that--I’ll admit I do too!), and needs someone to help him keep his feet on the ground and be the pragmatist who helps him keep things in perspective.

~Karate is most definitely a special interest for him. It lowkey takes over his life and he makes it damn near his entire identity--big special interest energy. And Demetri (at first, at least) is lowkey so supportive!!! Like he goes to the all-valley tournament to support and cheer Eli on, despite not having any personal interest in fighting and seeming to think the whole thing is the kind of dumb macho shit that goes against everything his nerd identity stands for XD But he goes to the tournament anyways to clap for his boyfriend best friend’s badassery!!! The real MVP!!! Also special interests in general (not unlike ADHD hyperfixations) tend to be very random, hence why seemingly out of nowhere Eli gets absolutely OBSESSED with karate.

~Just a random little headcanon I have (I think I mentioned it on one of my general headcanon posts), but I like to think after Eli adopts the whole “Hawk” persona, he gets a special interest in birds of prey in general for a little while. Like back before he’s too “tough” for anything even remotely related to “nerd shit,” he watches nature documentaries on raptors and the whole 9 yards and constantly rambles excitedly to Demetri about how badass he thinks they are, and how cool it is that they can “literally hunt mice from the sky and shit” (probably an exact quote from him). Demetri finds this sudden new obsession both amusing and kind of endearing--but as always, he shows an interest in it and accommodates it as best he can. I imagine he’s seen Eli go through a number of special interests over the years, and is a pro by now on how to handle them (my own childhood best friend is a fellow ADHDer, and he was CONSTANTLY getting new hyperfixations--I imagine it was something like that XD).

~The whole “Hawk” persona in general seems pretty autistic, speaking of that--like it’s almost entirely based in mimicry and masking. Like Hawk pretty frequently mimics Johnny’s expressions, body language, and speech patterns, and (at least at first) Miguel’s fighting style. He also starts to mimic a lot of Kreese’s problematic views and general “never accept defeat” attitude in late Season 2 and Season 3, setting his good old Bastardization Arc in full swing. The whole Hawk thing could easily be masking, especially given how exaggerated and overdramatic Eli’s facial expressions, voice, and actions tend to be when he’s trying to be Hawk. When he slips back into “Eli” (or how he was before he adopted the mask), it’s usually around Demetri (i.e. the Doctor Who conversation)--which makes sense, since Demetri “gets” Eli better than most people and Eli doesn’t have to mask or overexaggerate his expressions or statements to communicate effectively with Demetri. They’ve known each other so long and Demetri is so familiar with his body language and mannerisms that Demetri is able to pick up fairly easily on what Eli’s trying to communicate/express without Eli having to work too hard at getting his point across. It’s why Eli’s expressions and body language aren’t nearly as exaggerated around Demetri, even when he’s trying to intimidate him--he knows he doesn’t have to overstate what he’s doing to communicate with Demetri.

~Relating back to the social troubles and social anxiety thing, I think Eli has always had trouble communicating verbally, hence why he’s so quiet at first. And even when he does get more talkative, a lot of it is mimicking other people’s speech patterns and ideas (namely Johnny’s at first)--it doesn’t really feel like him talking. Even alone with Demetri, he tends to prefer to let Demetri do the talking, hence Demetri saying Eli’s a “man of few words.” He often prefers to communicate nonverbally through body language, and when he DOES communicate verbally, he does it somewhat sparingly and chooses his words carefully, not usually bothering to say things he doesn’t mean (if he isn’t masking, anyways). THIS is why Demetri was so ready to accept such a short, concise “I’m sorry for all of it” from Eli instead of a long, drawn-out apology for each individual thing he did wrong. Eli knows he doesn’t have to bother masking to communicate with Demetri, so he’s not going to bother saying something that isn’t genuine. Eli has never been the greatest at articulating his thoughts verbally either, so TRYING to apologize for each individual thing he did to Demetri would be extremely hard for him, and Demetri knows this. This is why he accepts Eli’s apology without question and doesn’t expect him to elaborate on it. He knows Eli’s communicating a lot more than he’s actually saying aloud, if that makes any sense, and he cares more about the entirety of what Eli’s trying to say rather than just the spoken part. And Eli definitely communicates he’s genuinely remorseful through his actions as well--saving Demetri from the Cobras, teaming up with Demetri afterwards to help Deme’s side win the fight, straight up openly  BETRAYING Kreese and Cobra Kai AT GREAT PERSONAL RISK TO HIMSELF (especially if Tory’s threat is anything to go by!!!) in order to go back to Demetri. Honestly, given everything he knows about Eli and how he operates, expresses himself, and communicates, I highly doubt Demetri expects at all for Eli to go on a long, detailed rant about how sorry he is and is honestly just grateful to have Eli back in his life.

~I think at the beginning of the show, Demetri puts a lot of work into helping Eli feel as safe and secure as possible--possibly in part because Eli’s autism makes him feel kinda isolated as a “freak” or “outcast” or what have you. Demetri makes an effort to crack jokes and make Eli laugh when no one else will, possibly to help Eli feel more relaxed and at ease. And Demetri’s reluctance to try out karate could be a kind of misguided overprotectiveness on his part--he’s spent a lot of time building up their own little world for them where he can keep Eli relatively comfortable, and he’s worried anything that interferes with that or shakes up the status quo is going to stress out or overwhelm Eli too much. Demetri wants to keep things as they are, because even if it’s not perfect, and they still get bullied on the regular, at least he KNOWS how best to help Eli and help him feel better (or at least he thinks he does) in their current situation (i.e. “I think we’d rather spend our afternoons playing Crucible Control than getting hit in the face”). If they were put into a drastically different new situation, he WOULDN’T know how he should best assist and support Eli with it, and that scares him a lot--because he’s ALWAYS kind of intuitively known how to help Eli, and the thought of anything changing that makes him terrified that without him, Eli is going to get really hurt somehow.

I think that just about covers everything--might add more stuff if I think of it! Definitely go check out @jackonthelongwalk’s blog for more quality, in-depth autistic Eli content!!!

#hawk x demetri #demetri x eli #binary boyfriends #hawkmeat #eli x demetri #demetri x hawk #elimetri #eli moskowitz #demetri cobra kai #miguel diaz #johnny lawrence #john kreese #kyler cobra kai #moon cobra kai #autistic eli moskowitz #cobra kai #cobra kai season 1 #cobra kai season 2 #cobra kai season 3 #hawk #demetri #eli #my askbox

[agathasangel]

you deserve to feel good all the time (sally mckenna x reader)

for anon who requested: “oh okay so me and my overactive imagination have a new autistic reader idea 😅what about reader and her parent(s) goes to Hotel Cortez. her parent(s) aren’t the best, maybe they’re kind of abusive and don’t accept reader because she’s autistic. well, Countess ends up feeding on her parent(s) so reader is left alone. reader finds out and maybe has a meltdown, but Sally is there and surprisingly knows a lot about autism so she’s able to calm reader down and help her through it. reader has to either stay at the hotel or go live somewhere else because her parent(s) were all she had so Sally makes the decision to have reader stay at the hotel and take care of her because obviously she would do a better job than Countess because Sally knows more about how to help someone who’s autistic. and reader ends up bonding with Sally too because of how accepting she was and her parents were never like that. i know this is super specific and you don’t have to do it, but i thought i would share in case you were willing to do it. 😊”

so yeah basically that’s the summary ^^ also this is kind of an AU because the timeline I’m using does not line up with the show at all lol.

Trigger Warnings for meltdowns, death, ableism and mentions of sally’s drug addiction

I myself am autistic (at least according to my therapist) and a lot of these reactions/experiences that the reader has related to her autism are my own or close to my own. Hopefully I do this request justice and do a good job and don’t oversimplify anything.

You ran through the hotel, searching for your parents, but they were nowhere in sight. 

Breathe, you thought to yourself, don’t break down, they’re probably just out getting food or something and didn’t want you bothering them. You just have a couple hours of freedom, you can let yourself enjoy it.

You tried to enjoy the few hours you got to yourself without your parents. Without them mocking the way you talk or walk or move your hands, without them grabbing you with full knowledge of how uncomfortable it makes you. No cracks about how you had to leave college because you “can’t take care of yourself”.

The first words your dad said after you checked into the hotel were “God, it would be so much easier if we had a normal kid, wouldn’t it?”

As if you didn’t have feelings. As if you weren’t a human being who could fucking hear them.

It was 4pm. Your parents didn’t come back.

6pm. Nothing.

10. No sign of them. Neither one answering their phones. Maybe they’re finally abandoning you the way they’ve threatened to for ages.

Midnight. Still nothing.

2am and you started looking again. You couldn’t find anything. 

What happened?

You started to panic and could feel a full-on meltdown coming on.

You tried to be still and silent, but it proved impossible. You began to cry and cry uncontrollably, rocking and hitting your head, unable to stop. You felt like your life was ending. 

Two women showed up beside you. One was older and appeared to be the manager of the hotel, the other was a bit younger, with crimped blond hair and heavy makeup. You barely noticed either of them, however.

The older one touched your back and you screamed. You hated when people touched your back.

“Hey, do you want to take my hand, honey? It’ll be alright, I promise.” said the blonde woman. You obeyed her.

“Wh-Who are you? Where are my parents? Do you know?”

“Your parents... died. I’m sorry you had to find out this way. It was The Countess..” said the older woman.

You couldn’t speak, but you had about a billion questions for the two women. For example, Who the fuck is The Countess?

“You don’t need to speak. Just breathe, okay? In and out, good. Good girl. I’m Sally, by the way. This is Iris. You’re gonna be okay, I promise. I’m not gonna let anyone hurt you.”

You waved, not knowing what to do, completely overwhelmed.

“You know what, it’s late. I’m gonna take her back to my room and have her rest. We’ll deal with the rest of this shit tomorrow when she can talk and isn’t so clearly exhausted,” said Sally.

“I-I.....can..... talk. It’s...okay.” you said, each word making you more spaced out and tired.

“No. You’ve been through too much. I’m taking you up to my room and you’re gonna rest. You don’t have to speak or do anything you don’t want to do.”

You followed Sally, so scared and tired and in need of some damn sleep.

“You’re safe with me. I promise. Here’s, um, the bed. Get some sleep. I’ll be right here if you need anything. The Countess doesn’t want to hurt you either, I think she wanted to- it doesn’t matter now.”

“Who is... The C-Countess?”

“It’s a long story and you likely won’t believe me until you meet her. But it’s alright, you’re safe. I’ll protect you. Can I come over there and hold you?”

You nodded. Sally got on her bed next to you and put an arm around you. You winced as she touched your upper back.

“You don’t like when people touch you there, do you?”

You shook your head no, and she put your arms around your waist instead.

“Thank you.”

“Hey, I understand.”

Sally made you feel more comfortable speaking and you said,

“My parents didn’t understand that. They used to touch me there as much as they could, just to upset me. They laughed at me trying to keep my wet hair off my back when I took a shower. They thought it was funny.”

“What does that feel like to you?”

“I don’t know. It doesn’t, like, hurt, but it’s terrible, it makes my skin crawl just thinking about it.”

“Aw, honey...”

“It’s dumb, I’m sorry I’m so sensitive.”

“Hey, no, don’t apologize. You know, you remind me of my baby sister. I loved that girl so much when we were growin’ up. I practically raised her. So God only knows how she turned out as good as she did. Our parents were terrible, they were never there. She was the only one who stayed with me. Until she didn’t.”

“What happened to her?”

“It was all my fault, really. I put her in danger. I sold drugs in the 90s, and I started using when we were living together. She was in school, and I had to find her somewhere safer to live. So I did. She’s okay, very successful actually, and she’s still alive. I’m the one who died young. I miss her.”

“You... died? What? I’m sorry, you-”

“Yes. I’m a ghost, The Countess is a vampire, I think Iris might also be a vampire now too? I don’t know. I know you think I’m crazy now but trust me.”

Sally saw your look of disbelief, then held out her hand and said, “Watch.”

As she spoke her fingers began to disappear and reappear.

“What-”

“I’m a ghost. I can alter the way I’m seen by others, if I want to. I’m surprised other ghosts don’t do it more often really. One time I scared some kid by making all my teeth fall out. It was awesome. I didn’t wanna scare you though. I like you.”

“Thanks?”

“Sorry, I-”

“No, it’s- um, how did you die?”

“Iris fuckin’ pushed me out the window.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“What was your sister like?”

“She was the best. Sweet, talented, sensitive. But people didn’t understand her. I did, though. At least best I could. We only had each other. Our parents didn’t care, the kids at school bullied her relentlessly. I had to protect her. She sometimes had meltdowns like the one you had earlier too-”

“I’m sorry-”

“No! It’s not your fault! You were terrified. Anyone would be. It was pretty intense though, I was worried.”

“Was your sister autistic like me?”

“She was. We didn’t know for sure until after she stopped living with me, but we both kinda knew.”

“Oh.”

“Anyway, it’s almost four in the morning, you really gotta get some sleep. Come here.”

You did, and you fell asleep in Sally’s arms.

When you woke up, Sally was still there, as well as another woman, blonde and glamorous. They were arguing.

“What do I do then if you don’t want me to turn her? Kill her-”

“Please don’t hurt her, I can- she-”

Sally noticed you were awake, and saw your scared face.

“It’s okay, no one’s gonna hurt you. I’ll protect you.”

The blonde woman who you assumed was The Countess approached you.

“Do you have anywhere to go?”

You shook your head no. Sally spoke up for you, intuiting that you must be stressed.

“She can stay with me. I’ll make sure she’s safe. She won’t bother you or anything. She’s sweet and quiet and-”

“Sally, it’s okay. You want her, you keep her.” said The Countess.

“Alright. Thanks. Can you get out of my room now? You’re freaking her out.”

She left without saying a word.

“I’m sorry about that, (y/n). You’re safe here. You can stay as long as you need to. I’ll be here. This is a dangerous place but I’ll make sure you’re safe, alright?”

“Okay.”

You still felt sad. Not about staying with Sally, you liked her, but about the way The Countess talked about you. The way your parents talked about you. 

“Hey. I just want you to know that I don’t see you as some kind of pet or anything. I know that’s what you’re thinking, that’s how people treated my sister sometimes too. It was awful. No, I just want- I just want you to be okay. I want someone to spend time with. it’s awful lonely being a ghost, but I thought maybe if-”

“I understand, Sally. I like you a lot, and I want to stay here. It’s just sad the way most people see me.”

“It isn’t your fault, you know. I need you to know that.”

“I do. You make it easier to feel okay because you’re so nice to me.”

“I’m glad. You deserve to feel good all the time.”

You started to tear up a bit. No one had ever said that to you before. You were always expected to make yourself uncomfortable, speak when you didn’t want to, shut up when you wanted to talk, wear clothes that pinched, let people touch you when it made your skin crawl, and you were still made fun of because still, somehow, none of it was enough. But with Sally you didn’t have to do any of that, and yet you still felt loved by her in a way that you never have been before.

“Aw, hey, don’t cry. You’ll be okay. I’m gonna make sure of it. I can’t actually leave the hotel, but I can make sure you get everything you need. Are you a picky eater by any chance?”

“A little bit, but not as much as I used to be.”

“Alright. And you’re good on clothes?”

“I think so.”

“Good. I’ve gotta say, I’m excited. It’s been so long since I’ve felt a real connection to anyone here.”

“You really feel a connection with me?”

“Yes, honey, I do. Do you.... feel the same way?” Sally asked you. She said it as if she was worried you may say no.

“I do, Sally. I really do. I know how it feels to be lonely like you are. It’s how I’ve felt my whole life. Maybe... I...”

“Maybe you’ll learn to love it here. Once you’re comfortable I’ll introduce you to the other ghosts. They’re annoying, but we’re still a family or whatever it is they call it. They’ll like you. I promise.”

You spent the rest of the day in Sally’s room with her, barely talking, not really even needing to talk. She was the one who broke the silence by telling you

“I like this. Just being here.”

“Me too.”

“I want to kiss you. Can I?”

“Yes.”

You had never been kissed before, but you let Sally be your first. You felt so... loved by her as she kissed you and held you lightly by your waist.

You stayed in the hotel with Sally, and it quickly felt more like home than anywhere else you’ve ever lived. You became a part of the family, and you and Sally fell deeper in love. Sally protected you, knowing the dangers of the hotel, and made sure you felt okay. Your meltdowns became far less frequent as you were no longer being forced to be someone you weren’t.

#my fics

[hotchley]

i saw your reblog of the Spencer giving Aaron a father's day card thing and i can't stop thinking about how Aaron is the father figure to the entire team now.

(yes I'm also especially thinking about that one scene of Spencer and Derek stuck in the malfunctioning lift shrieking for Aaron just because. 🥴 dad!Hotch ftw!!!!!)

i know this concept has probably been done hundreds of times already but imagine: (SORRY THIS IS GOING TO BE A REALLY LONG ASK, I deeply apologise in advance)

[tw food/eating habits, some references to murder cases because you know this is Criminal Minds, some slight spoilers for people who haven't really watched the show and also reference & mention of autism & a character on the autism spectrum -> just a heads up, a disclaimer, I'm in no way diagnosed with autism, so if i have misrepresented autism, or made any mistakes, i apologise, it wasn't my intention, and i welcome all feedback & criticism — i genuinely want to learn]

a year after Spencer joins the BAU, Aaron notices & becomes very concerned over Spencer's (super bad) eating habits aka him only drinking coffee and forgetting to eat actual proper food when he gets absorbed in cases or research or reading etc -> which results in Aaron absolutely being like "hey Spencer let's grab lunch together" almost everyday just so Spencer eats (healthy, full meals)

(also Spencer picking up on this after Aaron "casually" gets him lunch/treats him to dinner/invites him over for meals for almost every day of the week and he was initially almost irritated/offended until he realised he could use Aaron's habit to make Aaron himself eat properly too because this hypocritical bastard doesn't eat properly himself either so every alternate day you can see Spencer purposely not going for lunch breaks while sneaking glances at Aaron's office just waiting for him to notice and drag them both to lunch together 😌)

also I really think Spencer is on the autistic spectrum (high functioning, imo, but I'm not really sure how this works, and I'd have to do more research) so I'd like to imagine Aaron knows that too because he's noticed Spencer's behaviors + Spencer got an official diagnosis and told him about it maybe 6-7 months into joining the BAU so I really think Aaron lets Spencer stim (physically, his hand gestures) on their lunch break because he knows that Spencer can't really do that in front of the others, so even when they're on cases, he would take Spencer out either for a private lunch or dinner or something, just the two of them, and he'd let Spencer stim & talk about any subject of his fancy as much as he wants to (I'm pretty sure someone wrote a fic like this and I absolutely can't remember the name or the author but I really LOVED the idea too)

initially Spencer was really taken aback too, because you know, this isn't something you do with your boss, of all people, but Hotch had always meant what he says and his facial expression and body language suggested that he was being absolutely sincere and serious about this, so Spencer tentatively started talking, and as their meal progressed, he eventually got comfortable enough to just go on, and not once did Aaron cut him off rudely, until the end of their meal, when Aaron couldn't continue to pretend to drink his soup because he'd finished it somehow with those incredibly small spoonfuls, and he'd had to gently tell Spencer that they had to go back, but Spencer wasn't upset, because he'd just got over an hour to talk about this recent seminar about the connection of ancient Greek mythology to the developments of the society in ancient Greece which no one had ever done for him before and he's full, satisfied and beyond elated because Hotch really didn't have to do this, but he did anyways

at first it was just something between them but eventually Derek noticed & like in the end I think it's a kind of open secret between Aaron, Spencer & Derek and now when Derek notices Aaron doing it he gives Aaron a small nod and he wards off & deals with the questions that the others have when they inevitably notices the private meals Aaron & Spencer has

speaking of Derek, Aaron definitely has 1 on 1 time with Derek too, but doing different things. Derek's thing is sports & home renovations, and he repairs/maintains cars & bikes when he can, and I like to imagine Aaron knowing about his hobbies and casually asking Derek about the home renovation he's working on one time (before or early S1) Derek came into his office to submit a case file, and Derek being kind of shocked/caught by surprised initially (because he knows Hotch has a soft spot for the kid because he's much younger and much, much more inexperienced but Derek's older and should know better, so Hotch won't do the whole private lunch thing with him, right?) but then he grins and starts telling Aaron about how "I got that place absolutely shining right now, man" and then he invites Aaron over to take a look at the place out of courtesy/habit (his mama raised him as a good, polite young man, and no way Hotch would even say yes right?) and to his surprise once again, Aaron does accept his invitation

after that one time, Aaron begins casually asking him about his projects and even starts offering to help him do some of the painting and decorating (to be fair, it calms Aaron too, to have a getaway from Haley and initially from the crying baby, because while he absolutely loved Haley and Jack with all his heart, some days, some days he just couldn't take it, all the stress from Strauss and from trying to be a good father unlike his own, and he had to take some time off to himself, and painting walls is calming and therapeutic to him in some sense) & Derek and Aaron start bonding over hotdogs while sitting out on the front porch of some halfway remodelled house, talking about the latest sports news (they support different baseball teams but that's okay, because Derek gets to grin at Hotch and ask him to pay up when Hotch's team loses to his, and Aaron gets to raise his eyebrows with that small knowing smirk of his and ask Derek to "complete this by the next weekend, will you" when Derek's team loses to his)

when Aaron recruits Penelope, he's read her file, or what little the FBI's cyberteam got on her anyways. he knows the Black Queen's reputation, and he knows that the cyberteam really don't trust her and recommended high levels of surveillance, but the moment he saw her through the glass of the interrogation room and her resume & application on pink paper, he knew that she's not just what the file said she is. initially, she sticks to the "bureau regulated office attire" because you know, Penelope knows she's lucky, she should've been jailed for what she did, she was jailed, until this Aaron Hotchner guy decided, somehow, that she was deserving to be on his team, even after looking at her resume, which she had written on pink paper out of pure spite (because nothing in the FBI rulebooks said anything about submitting your application on specialized coloured paper anyways) but she was moody and unhappy because she's stuck in this tiny office having to answer the phone whenever agents called to ask for details on icky, gruesome murders and disgusting, vile murderers so she decides that hey, since no one ever comes in here anyways, she might as well do some re-decorating right? so she starts bringing in her own soft toys and figurines and starts amassing a whole collection of soft, plushy, and colourful toys in because it's her office and if she has to deal with all these yucky stuff on a daily basis she's going to make it at least bearable to be in here

one day, some tall, stern looking guy just comes into her office with this Tupperware in his hands saying "hey, Garcia right? my wife made some extra cupcakes for the team, you want some?" and she asks "do i know you?" and he blinks, stands there for one, two seconds before- "sorry, i forgot we haven't actually met. Special Supervisory Agent Aaron Hotchner, assistant unit chief of BAU Team 1, nice to meet you," [i like to headcannon that before Boston & all, Hotch was Gideon's assistant, some kind of assistant unit chief probably, but while he wasn't yet the unit chief he was definitely taking care of most, if not all of the administration matters i.e. hiring new agents etc already because let's be real Gideon is caring & capable but really hands off sometimes (also in S1E1 Derek referred to Gideon as their Unit Chief so I assumed Hotch took over the position full time, officially somewhere between S1E1 and S1E2 or 3)]

and then Garcia's brain kind of short-circuits because holy shit this is her BOSS, aka the guy who somehow, crazily looked at her resume and decided to HIRE her and she just asked him if she knew him OH GOD ALL THOSE FIGURINES- and she tries to explain because she really didn't mean to break any rules with them and they aren't, are they? and she can remove them but just, please, she can't go back to prison.

but then Agent Hotchner just goes "hey, hey, Penelope. it's fine. I understand. this is your office, and you have the right to decorate it. I'm not going to fire you over.... My Little Ponies? and uh, some unicorns?" and Penelope can't help but laugh because he genuinely looks baffled by her collection on her desk, and did he just call her Penelope?

and after that, once, after a bad case that Aaron knew affected Penelope (it involved murdered parents & their only child left orphaned and it just hit too close to home for Penelope), he stopped by a local toy shop and bought the brightest, most sparkly, most colourful thing he could find in there (it ended up being a small figurine of a princess on a small, detachable throne that could light up and play some really funky pop music. Aaron cringed internally as he brought it over to the counter, and awkwardly nodded as the cashier asked, "buying this for your daughter, sir? she's going to love it, it's the latest in a collectable series" and he pretended to not see the questioning eyebrow that Derek gave him after seeing the package) and when he presented it to Penelope when they got back, he got the biggest and most bone crushing hug ever from Penelope because "aw that's so sweet, thank you! and you got me the latest in the collection! it's limited edition!" and it just ended up becoming a tradition — Penelope always looks forward to the end of a case now, not only because that means her people are coming home, safe, in one piece (sometimes debatable but still, they're coming home, to her) but it also means that Hotch has brought her yet another tiny figurine or souvenir to add to her collection and she can't wait to see what it is, and Hotch always, always, finds the time after they've wrapped up the case, before the jet leaves, to pop by a local toy shop to get both Penelope and later, when he's older, Jack some toys or souvenir from wherever state he's in, because he wants both of them to know, that despite all the bad out there, there is still good in the world, and they should never forget that

OKAY this ask is SUPER LONG already i apologise skfjsk i have ideas for JJ & Emily but idk if you'd even wanna continue reading them... (maybe.... give me a sign and I'll send another ask and write it? 🥴)

anyways this was just something that came up and i had to write it out 🥺 sorry for spamming you, i hope you're having a great day/night ahead.

- 🌙

Hi so I'm putting everything below the cut for scrolling purposes x

He is!!

Oh my god, I love that scene. It came up in a TikTok about ships, because Person A and Person B are both very smart when they're alone, but put them together and it cancels out, and it made me laugh.

I also love Dad Hotch. Like I love him as much as I love "fighting to keep his emotions in check because he needs to be a leader, but you can tell from the slight change in tone, or the slight glaze of his eyes that he's seconds away from crying" Hotch. Which is saying something.

DON'T APOLOGISE FOR LONG ASKS!! That's what the keep reading on posts is for :))

Oh I love how much Hotch cares about Reid, and of course Reid uses it to his advantage to get Hotch to do the same, because they're similar in that way. Also, he would definitely start grinning when Hotch looks down at his empty plate like: oh. Platonic Hotchreid is everything to me, because it's these two people that have been caretakers their entire life trying to look after another person that wouldn't let anyone do that and it's just... the HOTCH ANGST POTENTIAL THAT IS SO UNTAPPED!!!

Also, not a criticism of you, but from what I've heard from people is that functioning labels are harmful and shouldn't be used because it misrepresents the situation!

I love that idea though!! And Derek being protective over them so he's just like: no, you won't interrupt them, and I will take control of the situation for a few hours AAH!!

OH I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT MORGAN AND HOTCH BONDING!! It's so perfect!! I love the idea of Morgan teaching Hotch to do things, and Hotch realising how relaxing he finds it to do these things.

And because we can't have nice things: he refuses to go after Foyet breaks into his apartment because he doesn't deserve peace, but then Morgan just uses his key, drags him out, takes him to a house and presses a brush into his hand because he's not going to let his friend self destruct like this.

EVERYTHING ABOUT GARCIA!! OH MY GOD!! I need to get some work done, so I'm going to finish up there, but seriously!! Amazing!! I love the idea of Hotch getting her little figurines and stuff <33

(shameless self promo, she does the same for him in "and he will come back home" hehe)

I would love to hear the Emily and JJ ones!! I hope that's the sign you need :)

Don't apologise for spamming I was having a dull day, and I hope you have a good day too!

#🌙anon #people talk to me #tw food #tw eating habits

[shadowess]

It’s Alright It’s Ok

I jump out of my bones as my father's angry yell erupts from the house like a slamming door. Instantly my heart feels the frost of fear glaze over the surface of my beating organ. Swallowing thickly I get off my bed and hide my computer under my bedsheets, closing it's lid to hide it's light. Silently slipping out of my bedroom I move into the hallway and walk past the laundry basket, heading into the kitchen where my parents argue, the tension that has been building for two weeks finally bursting open like a damn. I would give it a day, maybe two, before their bedroom door be locked while my father hurt my mother. Then it would take either myself or my sister bursting into tears to get them to stop fighting for another few months. Swallowing thickly, I kept my eyes down as I moved into the battle zone, Shadow, my cat, rubbed around my legs, demanding biscuits. He didn't care about the chaos, he was probably use to it by now. Opening the cabinet under the sink I got his food out as my father and mother screamed at each other.

"Shut up Carol!" The man yelled, his eyes bulging and veins pulsing in his neck. He was in my mother's face, screaming at her. The woman who had for ages from my childhood had mostly cried and screamed at this man to get off her, had began to fight back. She did that often. It only increased the fighting.

"You Shut Up!" She screamed back. I patted Shadow's back as he ate. He was a big black cat. Strong and in his youth. Going to the fridge I took a certain of milk and poured myself a glass, downing it quickly. The sound of the tv came from the lounge room. Going into the room I looked at my little sister who was watching one of my favorite cartoons. Kid vs Kat. Managing a smile, I took my place beside her. I always rooted for the cat. I don't know why, perhaps I just loved cats. Plus I could relate the mischievous chaoticness of the character. Or at least that's how I wanted to be. My mother's form entered the room just as the boy and the alien cat jumped into a cloud of dust meant to depict fighting.

"Ingrid, have you done your homework?" I sighed; couldn't she see I was trying to watch something?

"Yeah." I lied. I should have said I didn't have homework.

"Ok, well, let me have a look?" Although I appreciated my mother's involvement in school, as anyone who was anyone knew that my autistic brain couldn't understand anything the teachers gave me on paper. I also wished she wasn't as involved. I just wanted some space. I was sick of homework.

Begrudgingly I got up and went to my room, dragging my books out of my school bag and dumping them on the desk. I went and got a slice of left over pizza from the fridge and poured myself a cup of coke to try and calm my racing heart.

"Ingrid you have homework. Why did you lie?" I rolled my eyes, why did she think? I wished I had headphones like all the other kids at school. I just wanted to shut her out as she started to lecture me. Casting a blank wall around my brain I sat down at the table and started on the maths homework. My worst subject. Contrary to popular belief depicted in movies, not all autistic people are good at maths. I myself am a better at English than this. I had finished a six inch novel in a week. And I was the best story writer in class. But this doesn't matter much to the adults.

After being left alone to my own devices, I sat and stared at the first math question for about ten minutes before attempting to answer it. I know I am highly likely getting the answer wrong, but I just want to finish this and escape to my room. I wanna do this without my parents coming to help. Before I know it, it's seven in the evening. I've by now attracted the attention of my father who started by trying to help, has now ended up yelling after I have proved once again useless at math.

"Are you stupid!" he screamed at me as I sat with unwavering tenseness, staring at the page and refusing to move my gaze from the sheet. My chest was shaking. There was no other way to describe it. Outwards, I was calm. But inside my chest shook like a autumn leaf. I could feel everything building up inside me. I tried to level myself. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't start crying. I repeated in my head.

"For God's Sake Ingrid! This is easy stuff! A Year 1 could do this!" He hollered and slapped my arm with a ruler. I didn't so much as flinch. I didn't want to give him that satisfaction.

"Do you even go to school!!??" I felt the first hiccup as I clenched my eyes shut and my sobs burst from my chest.

"Oh, great. Now your gonna cry." He muttered seethingly as though my melt down was a inconvenience. Mother was already serving out dinner wordlessly. This was a regular occurrence in our house. Homework that should only take five minutes, took three hours. Trying desperately to numb myself I packed up my homework to continue with tomorrow and wiped my eyes on my sleeve, trying to stop crying so I could eat dinner.

It's four in the morning when I sneak out of the house, dressed in my black hoody and trousers and my school bag on my shoulders as I lock the door behind me, take a breath, and take off running down the street. My runners pound on the side walk as I breath in the cold air of the early spring chill. I need this. Cold air, freshness, darkness just before the sun rises. Cars that pass through the street don't bother with the site of a teen girl running through the streetlights as though she were being chased. Even when my legs ache and I feel like my lungs are about to burst I don't stop. The sun's rays are barely kissing the trees by the time I reach the cultural center of my town. My throat crack a bit as a I swallow, having been dried out from my panting breaths. Rubbing sweat off my forehead I straighten up and stare at the sky. For a moment I want to disappear into the purple abyss above me. That'd be nice. Perhaps it'd be like in my stories. Just.... A life worth living perhaps. That'd be nice.

"Language!!" comes a shrieking yell from across the street. Snapping back to reality I look over to the collection of shops opening for the morning. I smile, feeling a familiar sense of warmness fill my numbed core as Bad is laughed at by his best friend, Skeppy, as the demon boy opens the shop door, peering at me with friendly white eyes. "Marr?" he calls. My smile softens as he uses my preferred name. I approach, shoving my hands into my pockets as a show of nonchalance. "Hey Bad." I raise a brow with amusement. Though he isn't fooled. He never is. I find myself pulled into a hug before I can even protest. Closing my eyes I hug him back, savoring the physical contact. That is until there is a photo snap and the blue haired boy snaps a picture. I frown and pull away.

"Skeppy! Delete that right now." I grumble, folding my arms with a frown.

"Nah. I think I'll add a few heart emojis." He teases as I fluster and puff up my cheeks. The demon beside me frowns, though his smile shows, he can never be mad at his friend. Rolling his white orbs he looks down at me gently.

"Breakfast. On the house." Bad and Skeppy were the only people I trusted. They didn't ask questions. Or offer to call anyone. They just let me hang out with them before work hours if I didn't want to be at home.

Nodding my head, I entered the café and sat down in a booth. Bad squeezed my shoulder and started the coffee brewer as Skeppy set up the tables and chairs for the day. Folding my arms to keep my fingers warm after I had pulled some of my hair out of my hood, I looked up slightly. Trying to think of a good way to start conversation.

"Did you guys sleep ok?" is it alright to ask that to people you don't live with?

Our words went back and forth in friendly small talk. Occasionally Skeppy would swear and get playfully told off by his friend. I would just laugh. Everyone in life is super serious. So it feels nice sometimes to just be around two goofs. I was given an expresso and hot pie. I savored the warm gravy taste, I wasn't even stressed but it was hard to not scoff it. A few people were starting to come in now. People on their way to work, stopping for a coffee and picking up take away. I wondered if it was nice. Living in a steady sense of movement. Where everything was the same and you knew what to do. Instead of struggling to hold together a toothpick structure simply cause nothing makes sense. I've missed opportunities for jobs simply because they've been offered while I was in the middle of a shut down. Same goes for friendships, or dates with boys, because I will just stare at them with a dumb panicked expression for a good five minutes while I try and figure out how to respond. In the end I am mistook for either rude or stupid. I am neither—Well ok I can be rude sometimes. But I'm definitely not stupid.

Feeling my anxiety levels raise I scull the rest of my coffee. Bad's tail stands on end in alarm as steam comes out of my mouth. "Careful you Muffinhead! You'll burn your tongue!" I shrugged with a smirking grin. "Hey look. I'm a dragon." I blow more steam out of my mouth. Skeppy busts up laughing from the kitchen as the demon sighs, rolling his eyes he ruffles my head. "Muffinhead." He mutters with a smirk. I hold up the cup. "Re-fill?" my hoody sleeve falls down slightly and the movement. Bad's smile slips and his eyes widen. "Holy shit what happened to your arm?" Skeppy chokes on a cackle. "Bad!?" finding it hysterical that the normally passive demon actually swore. I blinked and checked over my arm briefly, ah. Right. Pulling my sleeve down to cover the red marks from the ruler I shrugged. "Nothing. I'm fine." The demon stares for a moment before sighing in defeat. "At least let me get you some ice." Seeing the opportunity, I snicker, "But it's freezing!" Bad rolls his eyes, "For your arm, you Muffinhead." I poked out my tongue playfully.

With a cloth full of ice resting on my arm and a fresh cup of steaming coffee in front of me, I watch the pair work. Skeppy's diamonds are starting to sprout out of his arm. I do wonder how that doesn't hurt. But I'm just glad I'm not that kind of hybrid. Not that I'm any kind of hybrid. Considering how much the world changed after the Rifting, it's surprising that I'm not physically different as I am mentally. Even my sister is a Hybrid, despite my parents being human. She's a dog, by the fur coloring I'd say she's a kelpie. A car pulls up in the parking lot. It looks old, but the good kind of old. Kind of vintage, but not fancy. Just old. Through the windscreen three boys fight and seem to be bickering amongst each other. A tired looking man gets out. I recognize him. That's Philza, he shows up at school every now and then whenever Techno gets into a fight, or Tommy's pranks go horribly wrong, or Wilbur sasses out the teacher one to many times. He's a hybrid, either that or an angel. It's hard to tell. But he enters the coffee shop and walks to the counter. Huge black wings folded against his back.

"Bad, morning." He greet cheerfully and tips his weird stripped hat he always wears. I never liked that hat. It made me dizzy. He reads out a bunch of orders from a piece of paper, something about one flat-white, a mocha, a caramel latte, and a decaf frappe for Tommy. Bad nods his head and asks Skeppy to handle the order. I frown and tilt my head a bit. The strangely serious demon comes out from behind the counter and takes Philza by the arm, talking softly with him. I blink in surprise when they both look subtly towards me. I look down at the welt on my arm, pulling down the sleeve I bring my hand to my mouth and start to chew on my thumb knuckle. It seems I have over estimated the level of trust I should have given Bad. Rocking back and forth a bit I pick up my coffee cup to down it in one go. Don't trust grown ups. I'm about to pull my hood up when Philza comes over to my table, smiling down at me softly. I stare up at him with confusion. Fiddling with my fingers nervously.

"Hello, your Marr, right?" He raises a brow, his green eyes glinting with humor. My face heats up, and I avoid his eyes. "Uh.. yeah.. I think so..." he chuckles at this and puts his hand on the chair on the other side of the table. "Can I sit hear?" I blink in surprise, teachers and my parents never asked permission before they did things. Atleast my mum never did when she went through my school bag. Nor my did my dad when he turned down the music on my computer. I nod my head, continuing to rock back and forth. Sitting down he took off his hat, putting it in his lap. I stared at his blond hair that hung down to his shoulders. A crooked smile came upon his face, before it faded slowly. "Are you ok?" I started to scratch my arm. "I'm fine." This was my default response to most questions. He nodded his head as if this was a appropriate answer, he didn't pry. "How do you plan on getting to school, do you take a bus?" I shake my head, shrugging. I normally walk. Which is why I'm always late. He chuckles and takes his hat, putting it back on. "Well mate, if you'd like I can give you a ride, no strings." He winks good-naturedly. I look down, thinking for a bit. I don't trust strangers, even people with kids my age are dangerous. I look at Bad, chewing my lip. The demon smiles warmly and nods. Ok, I guess I'll give it a shot. I nod, "Yeah.. ok."

The hybrid gets to his feet quickly, "Great!" just in time for his order to be declared ready. With crow like laugh he takes the tray. "Welp, come on! The boys'll kill each other otherwise." he chuckles and heads out the door. After a moment of hesitation I follow him. The boys seem surprised when they spot me. Through a open window Philza hands the tray to Techno, a piglin hyrbid. I try not to stare at his tusks, it's rude. "Wilbur scoot over." Philza instructs his eldest son, opening the door for me. Tommy and his brother exchange a look before Wilbur undoes his seatbelt of shuffle over. I feel awkward as I get in, doing up my seatbelt and doing my best to avoid looking at the boys. As Philza turns on the engine there is a awkward, surprised silence. Until there isn't. "Who's the woman!?" Tommy inquires loudly. I wince.

#dream smp #dadza minecraft #wilbur soot #tommy innit

[uwuowotf2waslife]

The mercs with an s/o who is on the autism spectrum? If you want to

 as a person with diagnosed autism( ASD that later changed to SCD but concidering my countrys lack of proper diagnosis and non-existant support when i was growing up, im not sure,it might was a result of chronic abuse or i was a really weird kid) its my duty to answer this ask,

always know that you are perfect with all your imperfections 

just because maybe your brain is wired different it doest make you less of a person

you are poetry

Scout

-my boy has adhd ( probably undiagnosed until he was examined by Medic) so you two might have a little problem at the begining.

-he might be the closest to a jack russel in human form, but he cares about you and is willing to sit down and do his research so he can understand you and your struggles. He isn’t a hypocrite, he is a hyperenergetic bundle of daddy issues and is sure he will annoy you from time to time, he annoys pretty much everyone except his mom on rare occasion, he is a hanfull and he knows that years now. But he also has come to understand that everyone has struggles and little things that make them more special than others.

-if you have problems with communication , he’ll be your mouth .Problems with sensory overstimulation? he will escort you to the safest place and hug you tighter than he thought hes capable of. People mistreating or bullying/insult you? the bat is in his hands and his ready to hit home runs on their balls. You might not be the perfect couple, you will struggle like every couple and have fights and arguments, but he is ready to phase every difficulty that comes on your way. He loves you and he is here for the ride even if its bumpy.

Soldier

-( I and i think a big part of the community claim he is actually autistic) Probably the most tricky of the mercs, since at one side he might completely relate/understand you and the relationship go smoother than soft butter on bread, or he might have problems communicating the relationship problems with you.

-as all relationships you two must sit down and communicate your problems. Believe me he isn’t mentally retarded ( a horrible misconsumption ive seen being thrown around), yes he is stubborn and can’t read social cues to save his life, but he is a loyal beefcake with a golden heart hardened by a lifitime of war. He knows he isn’t the perfect man, he has nightmares and panic attacks on the regualr after so much trauma in his life. But he also knows that if he S/O needs him, it doesnt matter if its a small or big thing, he is ready to go through hell and back to make them happier or more comfortable 

-you can’t stand loud noises? copy that privet, he will stop yelling/ screaming around you. Certain things make you uncomfortable/ anxious? hes at your side and he is ready to snap necks...you have his heart and his adoration, he ain’t a coward or a pansy, you’ll win over any challenge that comes your way like the absolute unit you are and he is there to assist

Pyro

-fresh from the start they can recognise you have autism, i lowkey think they might be ( actually in young adults asd and mild schizophrenia can be mixed and confused by not good qualified doctors, its been years since i read that study so correct me if im wrong) or have really good gut insticts. Either way, they know you are struggling and trie in subtle ways to help you

-did an important call without stuttering? hug and smooch on the crown of your head, completed all your work/homework? they will cover you in stickers and cuddle you in their pillowfort, stood up for yourself? my girl theyll make a huge cupcake tray and youll two will eat while watching sappy disney films

- you won’t struggle as much, i see them as more easy going than other members of the team. But they also have big issues that may create problems in the relationship that you both need  to work on. They are more than a handfull and they aren’t unaware of it, they spended years locked inside their own head doing god-knows how vile and harming things to their mentality and body, they can’t believe they are alive and they wake up every day next to the most beautifull human being they have come across their lif, ( Y/n). You will bond slow but strong , you are their sunshine and theyll make sure their sunshine shines no matter what they have to do

Engie

( lowkey i think is canon he has some form of high-functioning autism, just hide its behind the southern warm and soft hospitality)

- when you confess, he hugs you ( a big thing coming from him since i dont consider him a touchy fella)  and returns the confession that he is too. He knows each person experiences different so he won’t press you for explanations or description of what you have is excactly. He just assures whatever happens, he is there to help you with

- doesn’t really change how he views you, but he takes the initiative for things like talking to strangers, calling to order or things that you struggle with, but he doesnt baby you. You are an adult person and will be treated as that, even if sometimes he feels he needs to “help” or “protect” you

-one of the most  easy going of the mercs, but his work is his priority so there will be long arguments about it. He understands your frustation, but he is a workaholic years now before you came in his life and can’t bring himself to change that. His work is his routine, the only comfort he knows and the only place that accepted him for who he is. But, he will be more elastic and have more breaks/ days off even if it means the project will be finished an hour or two later, unless it has an urgent deadline. He knows he can be very cold and emotionless, he is an engineer, not a spy for that reason. Furthermore he has his own times when he is stubborns or has an anger explosion because something broke/didnt meet his expectations or got way too invested into something that turned to be worthless/ uselless so he isn’t the one to judge if you are in a sour mood or you have your own “ explosion”. After all said and done, late at night when you are both alonein his workshop he will just cradle you in his arms and make a silence promise to always be there for you through thin and thick ( as we say to go through 40 waves and 40 more ) because you are something that no machine or creation can emulate or recreate, you are ( Y/N) and you are the love of his life.

Demo

-arguably one of the three more knowledgable of the mercs in the topic of mental health department. Being raised in an orphanage i doubt he didnt had at least a dozen other kids who had from high to moderate to severe autism ( during the 20th century it wasnt uncommon for people with autism to be thought less human or that the family of said people couldn’t provide for them in severe cases so theyd be dropped on orphanages and psychiatric hospitals)., so he has some first hand experiene with what autism is. It isn’t something for him in all honesty, after so much trauma and hardship in his life he is at peace that peopleare different and their brains are rarely wired the same

-he also know he isn’t ideal, he acts really stupid when he is drunk and his alcohol consumption alone is a very big problem for any relationship he ever had in his life and i doubt he is the image of psychological perfection, but he also knows that if you are willing to keep him around you have seen him wasted out of his mind, he is more than willing to put up with anyof your quirks or difficulties.

-you want to stim? go ahead he’ll leave the room/the house so you can stim to your hearts content, you want to stay? sure thing lass, hell sit in a corner and drink a bit while you have your thing. Work/ school/ home life is stress full and you are in the verge of a breakdown? he has already wrapped you like a burrito and he is holding you while you cry/vent, you dont want to be touched at that moment? hell take you to an open field and you can blow things up to get all those feelings out of you. He isn’t ideal, he is at peace with that, but now that you appeared in his life, you became the apple of his eye. He’ll cherish you and protect you both as body but as a mind and a soul for whatever shit life throws at you, he was never one to back down a challenge.

Heavy

-due to the language barrier and his nature as a quiet man it’ll take him some time. If you bring it up he’ll simply nod and run to Medic or Spy for translation. He isn’t shy to do a doctors worth of research so he knows what he has to deal with, he knows his english is broken and would prefer to have a migraine over the amount of books hes read than make you feel uncomfortable. Probably will ask advice from Medic ( the most qualified on the team) untill hes satisfied he knows enough.

-probably the sanest of the mercs, but he isn’t perfection. He had to endure famine and death from very early in his life, always be the stone his family anchored on and most people on his life, so he has his own big problems. At one side he is used to so many things, he is somewhat indiferent. You aren’t harming anyone nor its life threatening, so it doesnt really change what he feels about you. All people have flaws, noones perfect and if they do think they are perfect, they are very, very wrong. I won’t lie to you, some times hell get confuse with your behavior or will get tired of being the “ anchor” of the relationship, but he will never admit it. He survived the Gulags and years in Siberia, this is nothing but a walk in the park for him. He isn’t a fuckboy, he doesn’t want you just for some fuck and then hell forget you exist, he is much more sentimental than he appears to be. He beginned this with you because he sees you more than a body, he sees you as someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with even if itll be a challenge, he was never a quiter and he wont be now.

- don’t expect much communication help from him, unless its in russian. But whenever you feel the tiniest bit of self-doubt or anxiety his arms are open to embrace and warm you with  his love. He might was raised among anarchy and war, but he is a gentle giant with a heart bigger than Russia herself. He knows you two will struggle especially on the communication domain but he is willing  to do what it takes to make your life easier/ less challenging. He came here to stay, only if you allow him 

Medic

-Arguably the most medically qualified of the mercs, but considering the era of his studies hes at least rusty on modern terminology and general understanding of what autism is. Nontheless his a doctor ( with or without a medical license) and i doubt he ever followed the rules of ethical and unethical medicine. He is a healer primeraly and he can’t claim to be the most mentaly stable of the team.

-he might be many things, he knows hes at least crazy by normal standards and has made extremely questionable choices in his life,but he cares for the people he is close to, lovers and collagues alike. He won’t try to ‘change’or ‘medicate’ you; unless you specifically ask him for, like yes he has defied any sort of ethical medicine and has played god many times in his life, but he knows that if he changes you, you won’t be ‘you’. You will be you still, but nothing more than a lobotomized version of yourself and he fears that. Let’s be real, he probably choosed you because you are a smart individual ( that includes both street and book smarts alike) so if he “killed” your smart he would essentially kill you and this doesnt sit well with him.

-feeling down? no worries, the doctor is here ( afterhe finis hes re-connecting snipers new kidneys). Stressed? Archimedes will be your own personal cheerleader and the rest of the flock won’t let you all stressed and alone while Medic is working. In the simplest of works,he wants you to know that  he might be a madman on the field and the medbay, but he is also your lover and that means he cares about you. He doesnt care if act a lil strange or you have some special things about you, guess what? he doesnt cares. H e never cared and he will never cared, all the greatest minds had something  special about them and you are no exception. He chosed to have a relationship with  you and you accepted the love request of a surgery-happy maniac , im sure he is beyond equiped to handle you in all aspects. He might not be the most touchy but he will make his point across that you are someone who means wayy to much for him to change

Sniper

- ( i highly think he is autistic, just the way hes potrayed in most fanfics he acts lowkey autistic, mostly in the communication and sociable part) growing up in the middle of nowhere probably he has never even heard ‘autism’ as a word , so his very lost. (another headcanon of mine is that he is also iliterate) You need to explain to him what autism is and how it affects your life. He has a non-pleasant expression on his face, because he realises most things that you say what that “autism”is and the thing it has are things he actually  has and felt throughout his life. He looks like hes having a religious expierience and when you are done he only nods and hugs you almost mechanically.

-he will need some time, not because ofyou, but because of him. You might think he is breaking up with, butin reality he just needs some time alone to sit down and think about all the things you said. Its one of the biggest revalations he has experienced on his life and it has hit him like a wall of bricks.

- after a few days he will return to the base and will ask you to meet with him on the most secluded of his snipers nest. While you prepare for the upcoming breakup, he actually showers and wears somet hing nice for the first time in a while. He goes out of his way to make the sniper nest a bit more “ comfortable” even bribe spy into giving him one of his fancy wines. Once you go up the nest and you two meet, he is the most clingy he has ever been and almost drinks the whole bottle out of pure anxiety. Once his tipsy enough he actually confesses that from the things you said, he found out hes also autistic. Que him basically clinging you like a broken koala baby while half-sobbing to expell all the tension he  has inside him. Please pet his hair and rub his back,he will melt and quit his rugged manly man persona for that moment. He needs you there, he needs your soft touch to ground him while his whole life comes crushing down and a weight he never imagined is being lifted from his shoulders.After that, its quaranteed you two won’t be seperated ever again, he needs you to ease all this pain he has gathered from his troubled life and he will provide you the world and the stars.

Spy

- he knows what autism is( as a spy he should know about human psychology/mental disorders just to know how to impersonate any person with or without issues) and he is a very observant man. He has above average attention span and knows how to read body language so he has figured you are autistic a long time ago. He is just waiting for you to open up about it or confess it, but he also knows the social stigma around autism so he keeps his mouth shut because he really doesn’t want you  to feel uncomfortable or ‘naked’ in front of him

- i heavily headcanon him to be at least depressed/having an ugly anxiety disorder or even a dissosiative disorder considering a big part of his life is carefully crafted theater , so he can’t say he is any more better than you.Furthermore he never really cared about what society thinks about mental ilnesses, whos here to judge who sane and not? he has seen so much shady things behind closed doors of “ pure” people he has lost all respect for what society thinks its normal and what is weird or not acceptable. Yes he follows the rules of “good” society but thats more of a habit than a need. Plus have you seen what the good ol’ society behind close doors? yap youll need a good bible study and some church to wash away the sins.

-eventually when you confess to him,he doesn’t really act. He knows its a heavyemotinal moment for you but he can’t open up for his own problems, at least now. But he will embrace you for now and say all the sweet words you need to hear...untill the same time he gets drunker than he can and confesses to you in french all his psychological troubles while he cries on your chest. He won’t let go unless he wants to vomit and he will cling to you for dear life while he experiences one of the ugliest meltdowns he has experienced in the last decade. Probably will wake up with a monster of a hangover, but once he feels you wrapped around him and feel your heartbeat on the bones of his back something will meltin him. He will gather whatever strenght he has, turn around, give you one of the most genuine smiles he has ever given in his entire life and peck your lips bore he starts whining and requiesting you to either kill him or fetch medic. Perhaps one day hell say all the things he wants to say in you mother tongoue but for now, just know he will cherish you and love you like the most exquisite poetry that has graced his life

#tf2 #tf2 imagines #tf2 facts #tf2 self insert #tf2 spy #tf2 scout #tf2 soldier #tf2 pyro #tf2 medic #tf2 heavy #tf2 sniper #tf2 engie #tf2 demo #so #all #long post #autism #relationships dynamic #mentall health