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jaspvids · 3 months

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The Diagnosis Of David

Disclaimer: I am by no means a mental health professional. This is just a meta-analysis.

What do we think of when we think of David?

His values of kindness. Optimism. Hope. Conviction. Passion. His drive to do his best every single day. The way he always makes an effort to reach out to others.

But also:

Attachment issues. People pleaser. Rose-colored glasses wearer. And at times, though the fandom doesn’t want to acknowledge it — Selfish. Unstable. Rude. Hypocritical. Kind of a dick.

See this video I made;

He’s complex, so let’s try to unpack him, and figure out what he’s got going on under that floof.

On David’s Childhood

David has been through a number of traumatic events in his childhood, most notably:

Witnessing Jasper fall to his near-death.

Finding Jasper, and being almost mauled by bears during the escape.

Clown school was apparently very bad, given the flashback-like reaction he had when it was mentioned. I’m unsure of his age when this occurred, however.

The fight with Jasper at the cave before they parted ways.

Losing Jasper. He says Cameron told him he was picked up by his parents, but I’m not convinced it’s not just his mind trying to erase painful memories.

As far as what we don’t necessarily see in the show, but can infer, David’s father was either not present or not great. He dreamt Cameron was his real father, as seen below.

And we all know Cameron is an awful father figure to begin with.

Yet, that’s better to David, apparently, than whatever he had at home. Which implies it was likely a pretty bad situation.

This can also be backed up by his attachment to the camp — growing up (and even now) it seems to be more of a home to him than his actual home.

That’s a home that hasn’t ever been mentioned, by the way. Contrary to Gwen, we know absolutely nothing about his family. He hasn’t talked about them once, if I recall correctly.

David is often open with emotions, if not wearing his heart on his sleeve. So why would he never mention his family and home?

We know why.

Even as an adult, he has retained this attachment to Cameron (who has in turn, continued to use this attachment to his benefit). He gets very excited about helping Cameron change in “keep the change” — because he needs to believe people who hurt him can get better. Otherwise, it’s too painful to bear.

The Loss Of Jasper

Part of his childhood, but significant enough to warrant its own section.

Jasper and David had a very interesting relationship. We’ve seen in the past that David was pessimistic, foulmouthed, and hot-tempered, directly compared to an optimistic, peppy, popular Jasper.

But then Jasper saw Cameron’s real self, and David received a modicum of praise for what was likely the first time based on his reaction. And so, they basically did somewhat of a switcheroo.

(David takes on many traits of Jasper after this experience, showing that he does admire him at the end of the day. I believe these traits are the foundation of David’s many masks.)

Despite the whole shebang, further episodes show us that they form a strong bond (or maintain one, we don’t know what happened before the first Jasper and David episode.)

What makes this friendship especially crucial in David’s development is that I believe Jasper was the first person to truly stand up for David.

David is, as we have seen, easily manipulated. Jasper picks up on this, and knowing Cameron’s just trying to use his best friend, tries to take Cameron down.

Jasper essentially died trying to protect David.

If Jasper hadn’t died, I don’t think David would have ended up as gullible and dependent as he is. If he had the more rational and realistic Jasper by his side during the rest of his developmental years, I believe things would have ended up much, much differently.

With Jasper’s death, there seems to be nobody else at camp who knows of Cameron’s crimes, or possibly, doesn’t want to speak out about them. Nobody to stand up for him. Nobody to redirect him.

So there’s nobody to stop the unhealthy-attachment-train from picking up speed.

Cameron And David’s Relationship

Cameron is manipulative and abusive towards David. This even becomes physical:

Despite this, David continues to idolize him as is seen in many cases of abuse. He works his ass off maintaining Cameron’s camp. Cameron’s approval makes or breaks him, because this is the man he sees as a father, unfortunately.

In addition, David is unable to let go of the hope that Cameron can change, because he’s convinced himself that deep down Cameron is still “good”, based on his skewed perception of him. And we all know how that ended.

But as Diane from Bojack Horseman once said —

And that is David’s problem — he wants so much for there to be a “deep down”, that there will be a day where Cameron showers him with praise and throws signed adoption forms at him, etcetera.

He judges Cameron not on who he actually is, but who he wants him to be. And so, the unhealthy attachment remains.

(Which is, of course, incredibly destructive to his mental health.)

Other Things We Know About His Mental Health, From Canon

We know he takes meds.

We know he has (sometimes dissociative) panic attacks.

We know he has been seen to suddenly snap, even to the point of violence.

My Final Conclusion: C-PTSD

(As the trauma has been not just one event, but many over the course of his life, and among other reasons, I believe CPTSD fits better than PTSD.)

David meets much of the criteria, most notably:

Lack of emotional regulation

Dissociation

Flashbacks

Anxiety

Guilt and shame

Distorted perception of abuser

Relationship difficulties

Okay this was long I’m tired good night.

#camp camp #camp camp david #cc david

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jahiera · 10 months

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Love your little meta analyses of Astarion and would LOVE to hear your thought on the optional "you don't have to do this just because you feel like you owe me something" line early in Act 1 when he first propositions Tav and his reaction to it?

Okay hi sorry, I lost a bunch of my saves and I thought I'd lost the save for this scene too but turns out NOPE I HAD IT & I'm so glad because I wanted to go back and play the different variations so I could probably scream and... scream I did! And I'm SO compelled by this, so thank you for the ask! & sorry for the late response.

So you actually only get this version of the conversation if you don't express any sort of confirmation that yeah, you're into him. If you confirm you're into him, or the biting, that'll bypass the ability to say "you don't have to do this," altogether, which makes me want to eat drywall because the whole conversation prior is still fairly shady, but the "reward for your noble sacrifice" only comes through if you don't fully confirm you were into it. which is very interesting because in the other two versions you can still express doubt, but only in the format of the "a less trusting person" line seen above as well.

The first time he propositions you, if you get this branch of dialogue, what I think happens here is Astarion quickly shifts gears. He sees that Tav isn't, at least according to what they say, charmed or aroused by the vampire routine.

One other thing: they helped him because, as a result of giving him blood, he would be able to physically help them more. He would be stronger, a better fighter, and thus useful. (Whatever is intended by each individual tav who takes his line is up to the player, but that's what can most obviously be received by Astarion).

So, he switches up instantaneously to accommodate the motivation that Tav seems to have (through his own eyes). Instead of appealing to Tav's horny brain and physical attraction to him, he's appealing to their "sacrifice." Tit for tat. Pleasure in reward for blood. You aren't lustfully interested in him as is? That's fine. He can switch it up and instead offer sex as repayment for what you've done for him, and for his body as an object that functions better due to the blood you've given him. Either way, the end goal will be the same: sex to secure his position in the group.

At this point in the game, it isn't about Tav, not really, I don't think. You could take any version of this conversation to the conclusion and it would mean the same thing to him. (That is to say: seduction and sex for security, and sleeping with Tav is a quick way to get that.)

So when Tav says, "You shouldn't do this just because you feel like you owe me something," I don't even think it really... registers for him? Because he hasn't even begun to conceive of that possibility. He is fully still in the same mindset he had prior to escaping, and is running through the same patterns of behavior as before.

He brushes off that reassurance immediately, says it's "more of an excuse," than anything, doing the same thing as before. When he gets this reaction from Tav, he switches gears again: oh it's not the only reason I want to have sex with you, I'm mostly interested in you, I promise. He's navigating the very shallow social interaction that this seduction routine entails by adjusting at a moment's notice to the next thing Tav says. If they're interested or flirty back, he'll fully play up the whole thing. If they're reluctant, he offers new reasons for why they should want to sleep with him.

And then if you reject him entirely:

"Deny your feelings all you like, it doesn't matter to me."

You don't get disapproval for rejecting him, but he still reinforces this idea to Tav that yes, you're interested in me. You just haven't realized it yet. Typically this kind of line in romance would be annoyingly obnoxiously all about "oh you want me you just haven't realized it yet" and the other party is supposed to find this hot, but with the context of the rest of his arc, it's fascinating. Because Astarion only knows how to secure safety and power through seduction and sex. He only knows how to get what he needs through emotional manipulation and cunning--and SHALLOW emotional manipulation at that. He's not playing an intricate game here. His manipulations become prettyyyyy overt by the second time he propositions you:

Like, it would take some serious emotional blindness to miss the hints he's laying out here. He's delighting in dangling the fact that he's lying and manipulating Tav right out in front of them. Because now he feels more secure in his position in the group. In Tav's attraction to him. Because they've already slept together once, he has less to fear about losing his station of safety via Tav within the group.

So then I thought. Okay what does he say when you reject him in other places where he propositions you. In the actual sex scene itself, he simply says "Why are you here then? I thought we had an understanding? (...)" but if you reject him during the "little treat," scene, he says:

In both instances, the "you don't have to" and "I don't think I really want this," Astarion gives Tav a glimpse at the, huh, trauma behind the scenes. In this later scene, when you've already slept with him once, he outright admits he's slept with tons of people and doesn't remember most of them, and in a very.... passive, "gotten on my back," phrasing that's so offhanded for all that it implies. Like can we go back. Can we unpack that. And he does not! I don't know what to make of that last line. "You, I'll remember." Maybe he's being saccharine one last time to keep up some manner of security within the group. Maybe he's confusingly genuine, growing to care about Tav in a way he has no idea how to unpack yet, if at all. Probably doesn't even realize it yet, if that's the case.

Either way, he gives you unintentional glimpses behind the scenes to the inner workings of his intentions. The inconsistencies in how he talks to Tav depending on their next reaction. The switching gears quick to accommodate different statements and personalities. The offhanded reveal of his total lack of care or feeling about the "lines" he spews to get people to be interested. IT HITS. It hits badly.

#astarion #bg3 meta #bg3 spoilers #sa mention #BIG ... BIG FEELINGS ON THIS ONE. Apparently.#I'll add transcriptions of the dialogue in a sec I'm just on the go right now but #you're A DARLING & thank you for asking & thank you for liking what I have to say that's very sweet of you!! <3333 #MWAH. Hope this is coherent? and also... way too long #but. hopefully coherent!

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illwynd · 6 months

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man ion even like thorki but yall been carrying this fandom on your backs since 2011 lmao. like the thorkies and the half dozen insane (affectionately) loki fans still left are the only reason theres anything posted in the tags

ilu, nonny <3

one of the things that was so special about this fandom back in the day was how good we largely were about just like. coexisting, happily. the thorkis rubbed shoulders with the people who only broTP'ed them and with people who shipped other thor or loki ships but who nonetheless couldn't help but acknowledge their canonical importance in each other's lives, and the sheer overlap of those categories, because the main thing was that these two characters were essential to each other and that their relationship was essential to what made us care about the fandom in general. thorkis made tons of gen works, people who didn't ship it were often totally fine with people looking at their stuff through shipper goggles, we were totally able to have enjoyable meta discussions... not saying it was perfect and conflict-free, but in general, we supported each others' work regardless of whether we shipped thorki romantically or not, because we were still all on that same axis of "these two characters' relationship is interesting, compelling, worth thinking about and discussing and making art and stories about, regardless of exactly how you interpret the details of that relationship" and honestly I think that blurring of the line between shipping and gen is part of what gave the fandom the longevity and strength that it did have, because it gave just that much more richness and dimension to the ways people could approach the material and still find plenty of fellow fans to talk about it with.

Either way, it's no surprise that the thorki shippers were such a solid foundation of the fandom (i mean, we are on the shipping website for shippers) given just how compelling that relationship was in the earlier canon installments. it's also no surprise that canon taking a hard turn away from even mentioning the other one in their respective separate media has coincided with the active fanbase essentially evaporating, and so many of the new people deciding that AKSHULLY their relationship is irrelevant, any common ground with other fans is to be deliberately shunned, and attempted ship wars and harassment and anti-ism are the hot new trends. It's also also no surprise that the handful of remaining stubborn cockroach motherfuckers from the old fandom are stubbornly continuing to do what we've always done.

in any case, i appreciate you and every other non-thorki in the fandom who is still out there willing to share that common ground of "these two characters' relationship is important and interesting and that's what we're all here for," because fandom is just so much more pleasant that way. [legolas-gimli-side-by-side-with-a-friend.jpg]

#replies #anon #ty nonny :)#fandom #thorki

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icarusallusion · 3 months

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On the kick of relationships I feel were a bit wasted on lack of expansion and fandom media literacy.

Volgin and Ocelot. While they definitely do not stem from the same problems as Kazuhira and Quiet like I talked about in my other post, I still feel they aren't explained enough, hours of exposition but nothing quite explains why they are the way they are. Part of that leads to their allure as characters, the years of character building we don't hear or see, but their subtle relationship really falls flat on a lot of gamers I've found.

Into them themselves before I get into all the meta stuff.

Volgin doesn't waste time torturing and shocking people who minorly inconvenience him. He kills Granin pretty much just for fun, shocks and sexually tortures EVA, tortures his own men from the simplest lack of respect, and nukes a facility which kills multiple of his countrymen. All of these disturb Ocelot, but he never says much about it until it comes at the pain of Russia itself. (i.e killing Granin who benefits them and Russia in turn, not truly caring about torture when he learns its for a spy, feeling bad ahout killing Russian men even those who go agaisnt the GRU, and the nukes destroying Russian soil and countrymen)

However any time Ocelot calls Volgin out on his sadistic and cruel behaviors, Volgin never says anything truly negative back to Ocelot. For a man who does awful things to everyone else the way he hesitates to hurt Ocelot whether through physical or verbal means was always interesting to me.

Especially this interaction after Granin is killed by Volgin.

Volgin speaks down on Ocelot, however this isn't done in an insulting way, it's simply the truth in Volgin's eyes. Volgin raised Ocelot since he was 16, Ocelot is still decades younger than him, and is still ranks below.

To Volgin, Ocelot needs to be weeded out himself, of the care he deeply holds for Russia. Volgin undermines Ocelot and how he feels towards the war and cruelty surrounding it, that his feelings have no place within the war and that they're a threat to their organization. While on the surface it refers to how Ocelot is too hot headed and jumps the gun, that he won't be able to focus if he is always judging others. On a deeper level, it read to me as Volgin cares for Ocelot. That the judgement from Ocelot doesn't just break the GRU's unity, it breaks Volgin's unity with Ocelot.

Volgin doesn't want to get rid of Ocelot, that much is evident when in the final boss battle when this is their exchange.

Ocelot shoots at Volgin, disobeys orders, disrespects his title, etc, etc. Despite this, they have the same back and forth they always do. Volgin simply keeps ordering him until Ocelot just leaves. It comes across as Volgin trusts Ocelot to find the bombs, either that or views him too inferior to do any real damage on his own devices. All and all, Volgin doesn't care about Ocelot's disrespect towards him when if it was anyone else they'd be dead.

Speaking of the boss fight, it really added more to their relationship.

THIS ESPECIALLY

Volgin comes so close to shocking Ocelot, but he can't, simply just a warning. Then in the next scene, Ocelot looks to Volgin for reassurance on his aid to Snake. This back and forth always ends each word from Ocelot with an obedience to Volgin.

The fact Volgin and Ocelot have whole conversations with each other from body language alone and the way Ocelot himself relies on body language really is such a good detail

The way they simply talk with one another also always felt like a parent to a child to me. (Maybe a very bad parent but still) In a way, they are a very fucked up found family.

Ocelot kidnapped by The Philosophers as a baby, sent to the GRU to be a spy at 16 and being guided through the rest of his years up until the end of teenage life by Volgin who he knew he'd have to betray at some point. Volgin who was raised by a member of The Philosopher.

While family has never been something they have been expanded on with, I think that speaks more. Neither Ocelot nor Volgin have any semblance with family. They are each other's only sense of that. Through the traitorous attitude of Ocelot and through the hedonist sadism fogging Volgin, they are the only people who get each other but ultimately are not fond of each other in most scenarios. They serve as a twisted parallel of The Boss and Snake to me.

Which sucks even more when The Boss is literally Ocelot's real mom, don't know how to thread that in either, but it's just ughhh literally custody battle between The Boss and Volgin every time they're on screen together with Ocelot

I could talk forever and ever about the analysis between them, but onto the meta. My issues are not within any prejudice or forced characterization like Kaz and Quiet. However, I feel they come from the writers thinking they were not interesting enough. They don't put a lot of their relationship on the surface and by the time players realize their relationship the game is over. MGS is really a game that always deserves a second playthrough to fully grasp its ideas and characters.

Volgin and Ocelot didn't grasp a lot of people because they weren't pushed and pushed like EVA and Snake. They were an afterthought in the game while I think they really could've been given more, considering how much of Volgin affects Ocelot. Ocelot liked torture because of how Volgin raised him, Ocelot has a complicated relationship with Russia partially due to Volgin, and Ocelot's relationships with people are forever shadowed by how Volgin raised him.

I think they really could've been something so interesting, but so much of it was swept under the rug by other relationships and topics within the game. I don't know, tell me what you think this is mostly spit balling about two characters I really like. 🐆

#metal gear solid #revolver ocelot #volgin mgs #looking back on this definitely couldve written this better lol

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zishuge · 7 months

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Today I gave myself feels thinking about Fang Duobing, Di Feisheng, and Hulijing moving on and aging in a world without Li Lianhua. A world where Li Lianhua isn't there — but then again, he is there, in Lianhualou, and in the townspeople who flock to it, bearing gifts for the miracle doctor who once saved a life, fixed a roof, exposed a conman, comforted a child. Young Fang Duobing used to want to know every little detail about his hero, Li Xiangyi. Now Fang Duobing wants to know every detail about his beloved friend, Li Lianhua. The years pass and fewer people come. But if they remember him, Li Lianhua lives on.

(long post, half meta, half fic, bittersweet)

They travel together, with Hulijing, in Lianhualou. Fang Duobing has nothing better to do, so he takes up detective work again. Di Feisheng has nothing better to do, so he comes along. Everywhere they go, they look for Li Lianhua. And in their journeys, it seems like everywhere they go, someone is talking about Li Xiangyi. Li Xiangyi, who had always been something of a legend, but ever since his reappearance and subsequent (re)disappearance, has seemingly been elevated into something approaching godhood.

you should've seen him, people say, floating across the rooftops in red, cold and beautiful, like an avenging hero out of some novel. wasn't he dead? no — of course he wasn't, li xiangyi would never have been so easily killed. but it was bicha poison, i heard nobody could survive bicha poison. yes, he was definitely dead, and came back to life through dark magic. no, he'd been alive the whole time, just held captive by di feisheng. he tried to kill his shixiong ten years ago and failed, and came back to finish the job. no, his shixiong tried to kill the emperor and li xiangyi came to stop him. the emperor? impossible. yes — don't you know, li xiangyi is the emperor's long-lost son?

All of it only amuses Di Feisheng, but it irks Fang Duobing. The same Fang Duobing, who, when he was younger, would've hungered for every little detail about Li Xiangyi and begged to hear more, now finds it maddening to listen to these strangers talk about him as if they knew him. The world might have known Li Xiangyi, but it had never known Li Lianhua.

Li Lianhua, who could wield Shaoshi like it was a natural extension of his arm, but regularly cut his fingers clumsily slicing radishes and onions. Li Lianhua, who would invariably try to shrug off an attack of bicha poison, but yelped and jumped back from hot oil splatters in the kitchen like a child. Li Lianhua, who frowned when a passing carriage splashed mud onto his robes, but knelt carelessly into the dirt and grass to play with Hulijing.

None of them knew any of that.

But as Fang Duobing and Di Feisheng continue their travels, they begin to encounter other people as well. People who come running when they see Lianhualou in the distance tottering their way. People who come bearing gifts — a woman looking for the shenyi who had helped her with her back pain and also exposed the con artist who had tried to trick her daughter into marriage. A young man coming to thank the doctor who had given his father herbs for stress while uncovering the corrupt official who had falsely accused him of theft. An elderly couple looking for the young man who had helped them thatch their roof before a rainstorm and had given them some medicinal cream before he left. (One middle-aged man with a club, looking for the wangba quack doctor who had exposed his infidelity to his wife — he had left after one look at Di Feisheng, standing silently in the doorway with his arms folded across his chest and dao strapped across his back.) People who greet Hulijing like an old friend.

Fang Duobing listens eagerly to every story they tell him, and in return, he tells them about his brilliant, kind, exasperating friend. Di Feisheng rolls his eyes every time, but Fang Duobing notices he never walks away either. They don't talk about it. But it’s as if Li Lianhua returns, however briefly, during those visits; in those moments, Fang Duobing can almost see him standing there, bending down to pet Hulijing alongside these old friends as she grins her little doggy grin and wags her tail. She escorts their guests to the door, and sits in the doorway after they leave, looking out at the world as though waiting. He doesn't ask if Di Feisheng can see him too. They sit and share wine after these visits, and eat the fruit that the visitors bring, until Di Feisheng can stand the heavy silence no longer and pushes Fang Duobing outside to spar. Hulijing follows faithfully, as always.

(fang duobing had brought home a puppy, once. he can't remember where he found it, but he remembers that he had held it in his lap in his wheelchair, eager to show it to his uncle before taking it home to his mother. his uncle had glared, and told him that dogs were only useful to guard the house, and tianji manor already had guards, human ones, and that fang duobing would do better to focus on his swordplay rather than waste time on such useless and frivolous things. he had taken the puppy away and fang duobing had never seen it again. it wasn't until those blurry months as he rode across the countryside looking for li lianhua, hulijing trotting along ever so loyally at his side, that he realized this was just another way that shan gudao and li xiangyi were opposites.)

The years pass, and there are fewer and fewer people who come. One day Fang Duobing wakes up with the unbearable realization that he is now older than Li Lianhua had ever been, would ever be, and is unable to get out of bed for a good half a shichen. Di Feisheng leaves him be.

The years pass, and Di Feisheng grows older too. There are lines on his face, snowy white beginning to thread through his jet-black hair. Fang Duobing wants very much to tease him about it, but the words catch in his throat when he looks too closely at the signs of time on Di Feisheng's face. What a precious and altogether rare thing it is, to age.

The years pass, and Hulijing grows older too. Fang Duobing finds that more and more often, Hulijing can no longer keep up with him when he goes riding. He stops going riding. She gets cold more easily now too, and more and more often Fang Duobing wakes in the morning with Hulijing curled up under the covers next to him, her wet nose shoved into his armpit. He holds her close and thinks about Li Lianhua shivering in his arms.

--------------------

It's been nearly a year since their last visitor, but today there is an old man. He comes in the morning, bringing a basket of plums. A long time ago, he says, a young man who lived here saved my life. I had been poisoned, he says, by my son who wanted my money and my lands. The doctors said there was no cure. But then the young man came and performed a miracle. He saved my life. He saved my life.

Fang Duobing knows it was no miracle that saved him. He asks for the old man's hand and it is given readily, albeit bemusedly. He presses his fingers to the inside of the man's wrist, and is greeted with a whisper-faint, gentle thrum of yangzhouman — a soft hello from a much-beloved friend. You fool, he thinks dazedly, caught somewhere between overwhelmed that here is someone, inside whom a piece of Li Lianhua lives on, and so bitterly angry. What had it cost? Some hours, days, weeks? He doesn't let himself think of what another week might have afforded them in those wild final days, in their desperate search for a cure. Fang Duobing gives the old man back his hand and blinks back the sting of tears. He cannot talk about Li Lianhua today. He apologizes and tells him that the man he is looking for is traveling and won't be back for a few days, but that Fang-mou will pass on the message. Before he leaves, the man leans down to rub at Hulijing's ear. My old friend, he says, like me, you, too, are truly old now.

After the man leaves, Fang Duobing folds himself into a sit on the floor of Lianhualou and gathers Hulijing into his arms. Gently — her joints are stiff now, and he can't haul her around, can't roughhouse with her the way he used to. Di Feisheng comes down the stairs from where he had been listening; he stands behind Fang Duobing and places a warm, steady hand on his shoulder. At the edge of his vision, near the door, Fang Duobing can see the hazy hem of green robes. If he looks up, he wonders brokenly, what would he see? The face of a man forever frozen in youth? Or a face lined with age, snowy white beginning to thread through jet-black hair? He suddenly finds that he cannot bear to find out.

Fang Duobing knows. He knows that the myth and the outlandish rumors about proud, arrogant, beautiful Li Xiangyi will never die. But he also knows that one day, there will be no one else who comes to Lianhualou; no one left who remembers gentle, sly, infuriating Li Lianhua. One day, the old man will pass on and the piece of Li Lianhua that he carries with him will fade as well. And one day… Fang Duobing presses his forehead against the soft fur of Hulijing's neck where it has gone white and thin with age. He closes his eyes and breathes.

--------------------

Years and years and years later, Fang Duobing is awakened from where he has fallen into a light doze reading in his chair by a soft knock on the door. There is a woman standing outside, holding a small basket of pears. I think I remember this building, she says. I must've only been six years old, but I had run off and lost my parents. I fell down in the street and skinned my knees. A kind gege helped me and gave me a piece of candy. He said he would walk me home but I said I didn't know whether I should tell him where I lived. He laughed and asked if it would help if I knew where he lived. He pointed to the most fantastical and wild house I had ever seen. I think it was this place. Xiansheng, does he live here? Who was he? Do you know him?

Fang Duobing smiles and invites her inside. On the bed, the small white dog that Di Feisheng has named, ridiculously, Baigujing, raises her head and thumps her tail a few times in hello. Di Feisheng looks up from where he is writing a letter at the table. Fang Duobing leads the woman over and waves at her to sit down. He sits across from her, ignoring Di Feisheng's eyeroll, and offers her a piece of candy. He always keeps candy around. Fang Duobing smiles once more and says, if you'd like to know — there is so much I would like to tell you.

#i just... the idea that xiaobao just wants li lianhua to live in any way he can #if he can't live on in reality xiaobao will make damn sure he lives on in someone's memory #something something you die a second death when there is no one left to remember you something something legacy #one day there will only be fang duobing and di feisheng #fang duobing who was li lianhua's friend #and di feisheng who was li xiangyi's equal #but it is not this day #i hurt myself #mysterious lotus casebook #cw: pet death #it's only very vaguely mplied but just in case #my ramblings #how long does transferred inner power stay in someone else's body? *shrug*#that's probably not how the force works #i write economic research for a living why am i suddenly writing mlc fic i haven't written fic in 10 years THE BRAINROT IT IS REAL #in my mind these are simple townspeople not caught up on jianghu things & thus never knew that li lianhua was li xiangyi - whoever that is #baigujing is “white bone spirit” from journey to the west bc i thought di feisheng would find it funny #but did journey to the west even exist yet in lhl time? probably not? IDK i'm uncultured.

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neoaya · 7 months

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Hot take!!! (Nuclear tbh)

People are way too shitty to the LW devs, especially Yumeno Rote.

This guy is responsible for every single piece of non-story card character art in the game, that includes units, costumes, alts, expressions, Music Video CGs, etc. Seeing as a new unit is released per week, along with 2/4 event costumes and 2/3 rebirth costumes at the end of the month, this guy is at MINIMUM drawing 8 fully detailed illustrations and backgrounds per month, for three and a half years straight.

The only other gacha to my knowledge that has one artist doing all the character art like this is Limbus Company, which even then has a significantly longer period between new art being added to the game. (I'm aware there are likely a lot more, but most to my knowledge have multiple artists)

So when I see a post criticising Lost Word, what do you think is being criticised 90% of the time?

Is it:

The fact it's a gacha game

Genuine criticism of the game itself and its mechanics or story

Hell, even criticism of the questionable work practice of having one guy do all the game's art

If you guessed 4, "near insignificant nitpick of Rote's art, AUs shown, or a VA (in a game where you can pick from 3 for every character) because it doesn't fit within their headcanon in a game about multiple different universes" you'd be correct!

Don't get me wrong, I have seen the first two plenty of times, but they're always either fair critiques or people who just don't want anything to do with gacha games and don't care which is understandable.

But for 4? The sheer amount of hatred and seething vitriol people express for details most people wouldn't think twice about is insane to me. It never seems to come from a sincere place of disappointment but rather fear to fit in, like "Oh this relates to me, I better lay in to it as much as possible since everyone else shits on it, wouldn't want to give people the impression I'm weird for liking it after all". It just seems depressing to me that people feel the need to act miserable out of peer pressure and not wanting to stray from the popular opinion.

As someone's who played the game since launch at this point I feel more than qualified to tell you it's FAR from perfect, hell I wouldn't even call it all that good. Gameplay fluctuates from playing the game for you to forcing you to have a full understanding of the meta, grinding is a chore, drop rates are far too low, the nature of the game forcing normally evil aligned characters to act more reasonably, and I unironically think the lack of representation and downright bad writing for Aya until now is singlehandedly responsible for making her drop by one place 3 years in a row in the THVote popularity poll.

So why do I still play it after all this time? Because I genuinely just want to see what they do next. I like seeing what new takes on characters they come up with, I like seeing where the story goes, what the next event will be and I love Rote's art and all the other art contributed by the JP community, I even think the Hifuu and RoM section of the story is genuinely good. It's nice to have a constant and reliable stream of Touhou media to read through in-between the wait for actual new games.

Somehow I don't feel that guy in the middle would want to come on livestreams 3 and a half years after launch if he didn't find it fun, same goes for all the artists and doujin circles that have contributed their art and music, especially those with more than one card or song.

If you want anyone to blame, blame GoodSmile for publishing this game and making this the complete extent they're willing to promote it and Touhou as a whole. (Last new character from them was a Reisen nendo from six years ago btw!)

In conclusion, I think LW has objectively done more good for the series than harm. You can not understate the fact that this game is responsible for introducing Touhou to so many new people and giving the spotlight to characters that are otherwise overlooked. Inaccurate character portrayals are rarely an issue when the series embraces differentiating itself from the source material, that's the nature of doujin culture. That and it seems silly to try and gatekeep people who got into the series through Lost Word, telling them they're experincing it wrong only serves to turn them away and I don't blame newcomers when official touhou media is still hard to come across in the west and the three most popular games in the series still don't have a digital release.

As a tangent, I used to have a problem with how Aya was depicted in a lot of fan media, even from people here, but a friend taught me I shouldn't let those alternate interpretations ruin my enjoyment of her and that I shouldn't fault them for seeing her that way. I feel others should be able to learn from that.

(I definitely forgot some stuff but this is ranty enough as is, I just wanted to get it out of my system)

#touhou #touhou project #touhou lost word #東方project #weird how I never see discourse like this surrounding arknights

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wuzhere75 · 14 days

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Recommendations for additional/alternative social media?

This blog and my wider public social media presence are approaching two years old. While it has been a good time and I am grateful for the following I have attained and friends I have made, I am curious about using other social media. Sure, Tumblr is not the most obscure social media, but it’s more niche than a lot of others. I am interested in taking commissions some time in future and am interested in growing my audience in general, but I also just want to discover new artists and find new inspirations. I already have Reddit and Discord accounts, but from what I understand most people do not use Reddit for personal-blog type social media even though you can post art there, and I’d prefer to keep Discord for personal use. Remember even if I where to create other accounts, I’d probably still use Tumblr as my primary social media

Here is a list of sites I am already aware of, and their personal pros and cons in my eyes (ordered from of most interested to least interested):

Deviantart

+Art focused

+Decently popular (?)

-Had the entire AI debacle. I mean Tumblr essentially turned around and did the same thing, but it still makes me feel weird

-At least from what I understand, there was a mass exodus to other social media sites after the AI debacle and in the past few years in general

-From what I have heard, certain communities can be toxic (though that’s true of all social media)

YouTube

-I actually am genuinely interested in getting into YouTube, it’s just mostly a thing where I don’t know what I’d upload at this point outside of silent speedraws. If I ever actually learn audio/video editing I might go for it, but it would be some time in the future

Instagram/Threads (Lumped together because from what I understand you need one to have the other)

+In the case of Instagram, incredibly popular

-Pretty much forgotten in the case of Threads

-Anything made by Meta gives me the squick. That’s not to say Tumblr’s owners/the owners or runners of any social media are “good” by any means, but still. Even I were to use these, I’d probably focus on output my own work on there rather than interacting with other users.

-Once again I have heard that some subsections of Instagram can be pretty toxic

Furaffinity

+Niche, but its a niche that would probably overlap somewhat with my work and interests

-I have heard the owners/mods are either shitty people themselves or at least associate with shitty/problamatic people. If there where similar alternatives that did not come with said baggage I’d probably been interested in those

Xitter/TikTok

-Just no. I respect anyone who chooses to use either of these for art, they’re just not for me unless for some reason I get really desperate. Like Instagram, even I were to start using these sites, I’d probably focus on my own output rather than interacting with other users.

I left Amino off of here because I have not heard of anyone using it in a while but from what I heard it kind of went down the shitter. Bluesky (?) and ToyHouse are off of here because those require access codes (and I haven’t heard anyone talk about Bluesky in a hot minute), and I feel weird about just asking people for them. Creating my own website, wether that be through Neocities or straight up learning code, falls under the same category as YouTube, where I am interested but don’t have the skills or the time to learn the skills to operate them.

#Text #help wanted #social media #tumblr meta

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undeadsomulo · 5 months

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Character Analysis: Sirica

Sirica.

I've been thinking of this character like, a lot. Back then, during purgatory of reception week at formerly-known Fort Hood, I binged-watched KRBAY during my days slowly decaying in my barracks room going through the motions of being processed into my new unit. It was just comfort waves washing over me so a lot of details were mushy and I usually only watched it after I drank a lot. So I wasn't fully paying much attention to the episodes.

Now, I have been rewatching it again to get some ideas (okay, mostly one episode) and this girl shows up for a sinful amount of short time in the entire series and she's the most interesting character ever?

I just realized something about episode 60. She has this really cool multi-weapon that isn't really made clear where she obtained it from but it does have the Holy Nightmare Logo on the handle. It seems like a high possibility that Holy Nightmare also manufactures weapons as well.

Here's what I think and kind of connected these dots myself. I may not have been the only one to do it, but here's my humble take:

King Dedede is ordering his monster of the day. As he's talking about the "invader" CS speaks as if he knows of her. Immediately like "oh white alien girl?" there was some familiarity when talking about her. Also, I don't think it's a flimsy coincidence that CS sent the very monster that killed her mother.

What am I getting at?

I think CS dude gave Sirica her weapon.

How would she have known that Meta Knight was on mission with her mother and the whole story of what went down? And not even really the whole story but somehow a painted version that Meta Knight left Garlude for dead? I think CS fed into it and I know that Kirby is target number one for elimination but the Star Warriors and Nightmare aren't exactly best friends.

I fully believe it was in hopes that Sirica would take down Meta Knight AND Kirby but CS (who's canonically a dickhead) wanted to give Sirica a big hate boner for Meta Knight and then simply have Kirisakin just kill them all off.

But I found it interesting that CS spoke of Sirica like he knew of her by extension through Garlude.

Also, Sirica sucks at aiming. Someone please give her aim bot. I'm not trying to paint her like some incompetent idiot, she's been around the block obviously, but I get the vibes she's still getting used to her weapon. I know it's a children's show and they can't exactly show characters getting riddled with holes but I like to think Sirica was only somewhat trained enough to use the weapon.

Like I couldn't totally see a young hot-blood, out for vengeance being easily manipulated and maybe CS guy casually training her. Like putting Sirica in some battle arena where she practiced against low-tier demon beasts. Honestly could totally see that. Then Sirica sent out on the hunt for Meta Knight after being spoon-fed some lies.

Sirica knows how to use her weapon well enough to get what it needs to do and switch it to whatever she needs it to do but these are just some nuances I picked up on the English dub that I thought it'd be interesting if this were the case rather than "lol she must've stolen it".

I may have glazed over some details, again I watched the English dub because I have to comb through YouTube and other sites to really find the episodes and the English dub is all I can really handle if I'm being honest. I could go into a little bit about how Meta Knight didn't immediately recognize Sirica either. Most likely because he never:

1. Has seen her grown up.

2. Never actually met her in the first place only heard of her through Garlude.

I'm just saying Sirica had to remind him of her mother, and that can be chalked up to a lot of things because I'm sure Meta Knight has known a plethora of warriors in his time and has seen so many of them fucking die that eventually faces just start blurring together.

Because life and precious time being against me, it has been a hot minute since I sat down and actually watched the anime. But I do casually still try to do so because now, as an adult, I can fully appreciate it more and even stem my own headcanons from it.

#caide's bullshit #so don't come at me #Sirica #Silica #Whatever you prefer I don't care #kirby right back at ya #KRBAY #I'm posting this for myself #headspace ideas: Sirica #headspace: Kirby #Garlude #Meta Knight #Sort of #headspace ideas

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la-pheacienne · 1 year

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Reading the books for the first time and I'm not fully through the series (I'm still on Clash) but it's so obvious to me that all the bad faith takes that have become so popular have come directly from people who either a.) Have never read the books and just take from meta they find on reddit/tumblr/youtube. Or b.) They MAYBE skimmed through the books after watching the show but still form all their hot takes based around the show and meta on reddit.

Both in asoiaf and in fire and blood, 99% of Stansas and Alistans clearly come from the show. Probably a part of them read the books after the show but decided to apply their personal fanons/headcanons onto the books, they never really cared for the source material.

#anti sansa stans #anti alicent stans #hotd #fire and blood #got #asoiaf

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gossipsnake · 2 months

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Describe your character's voice. Do they speak with an accent? Are there certain words they use more often, or certain quirks to the way they talk (such as using filler words or mumbling)? Are they soft-spoken, or typically louder? Do they like the sound of their own voice, or is it something they try to avoid listening to when possible?

//This is one that I have had sitting around in my inbox for a hot minute because I've wanted to like sit down and really think about it and meta hour was the perfect time to do so.

Anita definitely speaks English with an accent. Even though she grew up very wealthy in Mexico she never learned English while she lived there because her parents felt it was beneath them - they were powerful and prominent lamia with no intention of ever leaving Mexico. Around age 16, when she knew she wanted to go to college in the US, she likely began to try and teach herself some English - largely through consuming American media.

When she immigrated to the US at 18 it was an immersion learning experience and she learned how to speak English fluently while in school throughout the south. This consisted of living in Texas for 4 years for undergrad, then in New Mexico for 2 years for her masters degree, followed by 6 years in North Carolina for her dual PhDs. The result being that she has a noticeable accent and her cadence, tone, and slang use in English is linked to the American southwest and south-east. I tried to find a video of what her accent would sound like because Karla Souza does not have a noticeable accent when speaking English but it was pretty hard to find something that felt accurate, I would say it is most similar to Ana de la Reguera's accent.

When she speaks English she takes extra effort to annunciate clearly, especially when teaching, which causes her to speak slower than she would in Spanish. When she speaks in Spanish her tone is somewhat more relaxed and she talks pretty fast, she doesn't mumble but she doesn't over annunciate either. In both language she uses filler words with an average frequency, is on the louder side, and is very expressive with her face and hands when she talks.

Unsurprisingly... Anita loves the sound of her own voice.

#meta #ooc #anita #asssk

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vmures · 3 months

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Thinking about Teen Wolf and it's funny (funny-strange, not funny-haha) to me how vicious some of the meta and discourse gets and how defensive people get over their favorite characters. Then you add in fanon and fandom creep with a nice dash of "this is how I understood that scene and that is the only way it can be understood (aka my headcanon is canon)," and you get a hot mess of ugliness.

Of the episodes I've watched, pretty much everyone on the show is a dick at one point or another, which tracks because they're teenagers and I remember the horrors of puberty and emotions all over the place. I find most of the fully adult characters worse because they don't have the excuse of youth--with its general lack of experience and fluctuating hormones. But there is not a single person who doesn't have several scenes where you go "wow, that was a dick move." And if you really look at the actions and words of the characters, there isn't anyone particularly nurturing either.

Stiles has those he considers his and he'd probably burn the world down for them, but most everyone else he can care less about. We do see moments where he does go out of his way to help someone not necessarily his (the scene in the library with the kanima and him running over to check on Erica comes to mind). Scott does try to look after others, even strangers, but also has moments where he blatantly manipulates those around him for his own gain (he blatantly uses Danny at the dance in season one to keep Finstock from kicking him out of the dance and the implication, at least to me, was that he knew Finstock wouldn't make a scene about kicking out Danny's date for fear of seeming homophobic). You can find examples of kindness and assholishness from each and every character is this show and the tendency trends towards asshole for all of them. Different types and varying levels of assholes, but still assholes. But you know what? That is okay. They're very human characters in that regard. Every single person on the planet has someone who thinks they are an absolute dick. Their complexity makes them fun to write.

But just because they're all assholes in their own way, doesn't mean I have to like them all. Just like shows that are comprised of characters that flip this metric (mostly nice with moments of dickishness) can have characters that just don't vibe with you. Just like in real life there are foods you don't like, music that isn't to your taste, and people who just grate on your nerves for one reason or another. It's just a matter of personal preference. The world would be very boring if we all liked the same things and reacted the same to everything.

So some people like some characters and focus on those points of view and their takes on the characters may be wildly divergent from your own, but it doesn't necessarily make them wrong. Where it gets even more tricky is the fandom creep and headcanons as canon additions. Because if you are willing to debate the merits and behavior of a character and you cite something that doesn't ever happen on screen, some are going to get frustrated because they don't see that as canon. We all have to add conjecture about what happened off screen to make a story make sense, but that is still conjecture and it's going to vary widely from person to person since everyone views a story through their own experiences and issues.

Sadly we seem to have culturally misplaced the art of debate and the notions of civility. In particular the "agree to disagree" notion where each side acknowledges that they are unlikely to persuade the other side and people move on to other things rather than rehash the same material over and over or devolve into outright harassment and suicide baiting. Muting tags and blocking people who frequently have takes you can't stand is so much better for your peace of mind.

So that's my take. I do not think this is the only way to interpret things, but it is one of the ways you can interpret it and it's what shapes my headcanons when I write. You can have different takes, but I am not required to agree with them and you are not required to agree with mine.

#v's musings #long post #rambles

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starfxkr · 3 months

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i sooo want a good romcom again & ik recently there's been a bunch of romcom drops (i think anne has smth otw) but they just don't work for some reason? i cant put my finger on it tho why they're rubbing me the wrong way but they just are .....

ik you're a film student so i wonder why you think that may be the case!

-🐰

quite simply there's no real chemistry is the main thing people pick up on? they just put two hot people and say go at it.

and there's also no real...earnestness or care put into them everything is meta and set aware (the marvel effect) so audiences can never fully sink themselves into the narrative. like to all the boys was a ya romcom yes but even adults liked it because it was just something sweet, and earnest and even with the slightly unbelievable plot you fully bought into the world and the characters and it was truly a lightning in a bottle moment even the sequels couldn't replicate. so many of the plots are just...nothing or tired retreads without anything new to say. that's why movies like Lisa Frankenstein are doing so well with audiences because yes its a horror comedy but its also very clearly a romance about two lonely people who had to cross the mortal coil to have each other and related deeply despite being 100+ years and a death apart lol. the girls want connection and romance. the girls also want eroticism? idk why people complain about sex in movies we are the most sexless we've ever been and romcoms kinda...need a sexual aspect even if the leads never touch on screen we need the vibe that they fuck

also just like everything is very...on the nose and of its time in a way thats not very endearing like everything is going to be dated thats how film works its going to be a reflection of the times but I think with rom coms being soooooo aware of the flaws of past romcoms they try to overcorrect the characters don't speak or act like real people its giving twitter hypotheticals "ladies is eating McDonalds in a car a first date" instead of people organically liking each other and going through the ups and downs. no balance of conflict either its either too much or too little.

and visually most things sucks. like extremely bad costume wise, they're just putting people in shein and h&m and calling it a day. nothing strikes us, nothing identifies us with the characters personality or feelings or place in life

lastly like studios aren't giving them the budget or like they aren't being released in theaters its on streaming which seems more accessible but in many ways its not and so many rom coms bombed at the box office bur thrived on the home video market. now things are released to streaming and if its a show its canceled after 2 episodes if its not pulling in 100 billion views and for movies AND shows they're erased from platforms indiscriminately to never be seen again. and romcoms historically were never huge box office hits so studios and services don't care to make them.

sorry this was so long lol. invest in a dvd player and find your fav movies on eBay or at the Walmart 5 dollar bin thats what keeps your favorite genres and movies alive.

#✨.txt #🐰 anon

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thebroccolination · 1 year

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I saw you mentioned Queer As Folks recently. OMG how I missed Brian and Justin. When they went angst, they reeeeeaaaally served angst. I seriously don't have access to watch the entire series in my country, I can only watch snippets from youtube. I'm so sad 😭 Can you share with me what you like most about QaF and maybe if you have your favorite Ao3 fics about them. Thank you so much, Key ❤

Aaahhh, Anon!

You've unsurfaced some deep memories.

Okay, I just finished writing the thesis below. I'm back from the future. A lot of what you're about to read is pure emotion, so I apologize that it's not, uh. Well structured or especially rational. Queer as Folk was very formative for me, so my thoughts on it are very formless. \:D/

•

I watched Queer as Folk in high school, and it was a core experience. I vaguely remember writing Brian/Justin fic, but I think I mainly just read, and unfortunately, all of the fic I read was on LiveJournal, so I have no idea how to find it anymore. I'm really, really bad with names and titles, so I'd really only know them if I saw them again. :')

I have hot takes, though!

As far as fandom goes, the US version was phenomenal. So much fic. So much fic, and I loved it so much. The fanvids, the art, the meta, etc. It was such a great fandom.

BUT as a show, I preferred the UK version. I thought it was better crafted, the story and characters felt a lot stronger, and the dialogue was fantastic. It felt more inclusive in every way, and it had this…cozy warmth to it. Even at his worst, Stuart is nowhere near as much of a menace as Brian, and I think that's because he has Vince, and Brian has Michael.

(I didn't like Michael. At all. \:D/ The actor is lovely! I just regularly pined for the character to be pushed through a nineteenth floor window and then get stepped on by an elephant tourist visiting family at the Pittsburgh Zoo.)

The US version also screamed Written by White Cis Gay Men Who Held a Weird Grudge Against Lesbians and Didn't Believe Bisexuality Is Real. I was a "definitely straight except for that one time and that other time and that other other time I had suspiciously queer thoughts and also argued a shade too passionately about queer rights at the dinner table" teenager, and while I loved Brian and Justin as a ship, the UK version made me feel like I could find friends who'd feel like family one day. (And it came true, and they're queer, too.)

I think of the US version of Queer as Folk as fandom fodder. After every episode, I'd dive into LiveJournal, read fics, meta, look up fanvids, etc. I learned so much from Elder Queers who talked about safe sex and the importance of getting tested and all the things either referenced in the show or totally ignored that Elder Queers were like, "This was ignored but if you're ever in Justin's situation, here is what you do, please promise you'll do this."

The UK version is the one I rewatch when I want to revisit that warm, safe feeling.

And it'll always fuck my brain up that the US showrunners of Queer as Folk watched Stuart fuck a fifteen-year-old that was blatantly framed as "this is a bad thing, Stuart is doing a bad thing, everyone is aware that this is a bad thing, this is very bad, Stuart" and thought, "Okay, the bad thing is that he's fifteen, so let's age him up to seventeen and make him the love interest instead of the best friend who's the same age."

MIND. BLOWN.

I mean, it explains why Michael's all [evocative hand gestures]. His English counterpart actually ended up with his hot Irish best friend. And, like, Vince is obsessed with Dr. Who, so they gave Michael comic books? Like? Why not Star Trek? And he's obsessed with Brian and has the same soul-destroying crush that Vince has on Stuart, but there's a point to Vince's crush on Stuart the point is that they end up together and Nathan is a high school boy who is genuinely meant to be a blip on the radar in the background of their story.

It's been long enough that I don't hate Michael anymore, I'm just still fascinated by CowLip's bizarre story decisions.

Here's how I'll summarize my complicated relationship with the US version of Queer as Folk:

Season five was an insult to me personally, and I never watched the last episode. That stupid ending reversed all five seasons of Brian's character arc and landed him exactly where he was in the first episode, only multiple years older. And CowLip talked about it like it was brilliant and not a pathological misunderstanding of how storytelling is meant to operate to connect with audiences.

But.

I remember watching the Babylon bombing episode. Viscerally. I was staying at my sister's house, and I waited until everyone fell asleep. I snuck into their home office to watch the episode on their computer because I kept all queer media I watched secret from everyone in my very conservative family. I turned the volume down to one bar, kept the lights off, and held my shallow breath whenever the house made any kind of noise. Because Brian had never said "I love you" before, and this was it, because he thought Justin would be one of those corpses rolled out on a gurney from the club where they met, where their friends and family all gathered, the only place they felt safe being gay.

And many years later, when something similar happened far, far away at Pulse in Orlando, a memory surfaced of secretly watching an episode about love and desperation and grief. Of feeling caged inside a sexuality prescribed to me. And it was the first time I came out on social media.

Because it was a ridiculous show in some ways, and a terribly written one sometimes, but I think it also cut to the quick for many of us who just…didn't have anything else. We didn't have many options back then, and the fandom was massive, and it nudged me a little closer to understanding who I am and who I love.

#kiranokira answers #queer as folk #i just reread this and i've never felt more like i have adhd tattooed on every inch of me #i'm so sorry anon this show apparently comes with a word vomit button

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essayofthoughts · 2 years

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Why do you call Percy an ugly duckling? Or what objectively makes him an ugly duckling? Genuinely curious here, but I find it really funny.

It's less that he actually is an ugly duckling and more that he feels it, compared to those around him, if that makes sense.

I mean... think about it from his perspective - of all his family he's the least sociable, he's the seond son, third child, and he keeps to himself and his studies. He's not an attractive proposition to most and likely he feels alienated from his classmates and other peers due to the fact he's almost certainly leaped ahead out of any kind of standard shared schooling the children of Whitestone's upper classes had and onto private tutoring with Anders. He's not sociable and friendly or capable or perhaps even witty for some time - of all of his siblings he's the de Rolo guests don't want to be sat beside at formal dinners. Sure he might grow up to being a de Rolo in the expected way, but he likely doesn't fit the general mould, right?

Next: the Briarwoods. The torture. The shock and trauma. Percy is covered with scars, both inside and out, and even if he can hide his physical scars with his clothing, he can't hide the shock-white hair he now has. He stands out and not in a good way.

And then, with VM. Scanlan is fully capable of being charming - he's charismatic as all hell - and Pike is just... sweet and lovely and capable of jokes that take you out at the knees. Grog is huge and muscled and strong which is absolutely some people's type, Keyleth and the twins are half-elves and are naturally quite striking from that, and Tiberius - well either you no longer consider him canon and so he doesn't matter or you do and, well he's a dragonborn - he's pretty striking too.

Percy, meanwhile, is human - boring, standard, one of the most common races in Tal'Dorei. He's got trauma-white hair, a whole load of physical scars, severe trauma he's refusing to acknowledge, a tendency to blow himself up with his own inventions. He's not very sociable - he doesn't really start to talk a huge degree that we see until the Briarwood Arc* - he can be abrasive and abrupt and strange early on, he doesn't know how to socialise in the loose casual way the group tends to even after a year or so with them for all that he's good at formal socialising.

Percy's exact appearance is unclear - we know he almost certainly has scars, we know the white hair. From the official campaign art he's depicted with quite a round face but small features - he can look almost pinched. From the comics he has a longer, narrower face but still, thin lips, narrow nose. Again, his is a face that can easily look pinched. (Note: I am ignoring the TLOVM depiction as I prioritise the Campaign itself in my fic and meta, but he is again, quite long-and-narrow faced.) And… well, it's often easier to be critical of one's own appearance.

He likely doesn't feel he has any of the same appeal the rest of the group do, aside, perhaps, from his noble birth which is itself a dangerous prospect to bring up, and he considers his white hair a mark of what he went through and therefore traumatic and not in any way striking. He's not as socially able - Scanlan charms, Keyleth and Pike are earnest, Grog is straightforward, Tiberius blusters and bowls people over, Vex is Vex and Vax has his own earnest kind of approach that wins people over. He's just... awkward.

So... as @chamerionwrites first suggested to me, I think Percy thinks of himself as the ugly duckling of the group. I think it may be a minor factor in why he thinks someone like Vex could never love him - but only minor. In comparison to the things he's done and the guns he's made, appearance is very low down the list and I think his reaction would be more bafflement that Vex is choosing him when she could pick from just about anyone else if she so chose. After all, Vex is canonically hot - from everyone's comments on-stream and Laura Bailey's own attestation for the description she gave Kit Buss for the official art which was simply that Vex is hot/sexy.

tl;dr: Percy isn't necessarily a genuinely ugly duckling, but I think there's very good odds that he feels as though he is.

*Which is why I think people should start at the beginning because the Briarwood Arc doesn't hit the same way without the DRASTIC shift in Percy's behaviour and so many people characterise him wrong because they're only going on the Briarwood Arc. I have Opinions, okay?

#vox machina #percy de rolo #percival de rolo #cr meta #living up to my username #ask #anonymous

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lasnevadaslaborunion · 1 year

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i NEED yr insight on cee loanshark PLEASE 🙏

Okay LISTEN UP Y'ALL

I'll set the scene. The date is sometime after LN5 first airs. I was in the middle of rewatching Foolish's six-hour building stream in which Quackity recounts his entire life story, when suddenly my third eye burst the fuck open.

And I guess there's no better time than now to drop my c!loanshark meta.

/dsmp /rp

I've always liked these characters, and I've picked up on a lot of really cool connections between them. c!Quackity is a former idealistic young politician turned jaded capitalist, building a legacy and clawing his way up with bloody fingers. c!Foolish is a physical god who once used violence to get his way but came to regret that way of life and now copes through creating beauty. Quackity explicitly manipulates Foolish into joining him by appealing to his newfound fear of mortality, a fear which Q shares. They're both trying to move away from past versions of themselves, but what they each see as "the problem" is very different.

What compels me about this dynamic is that Foolish simply existing as himself is a refutation of Quackity's worldview; building things up rather than tearing them down worked for him. That's how he got immortality! That's why he has so many friends! And while Quackity is trying to push Foolish back into the life he used to live because he desires and envies that strength, Foolish does not want to lose himself to that side of himself; when he does join Las Nevadas, he claims he's simply trying to find a "healthy balance."

But because of the kind of person Foolish is trying to be, combined with the perspective from centuries of existence, he's in a perfect position to reach Q. Quackity has a history of getting easily attached, both to powerful people and to people who show him compassion unprompted. Foolish is both of these.

And we see this! We see Quackity in that very same stream opening up and telling Foolish everything about himself, despite admitting that it makes no sense for Foolish to stay and listen. We see him trusting Foolish to run the country after Slime died. We see him enlisting Foolish's help to make canonical babies clone an army of slimes.

And... controversial take incoming, but this dynamic is easier than Quackcicle for me to read as potentially romantic. I think that generally, and especially post-Schlatt, Quackity prefers to be intimate with someone he sees as... an equal, at least in some sense. And as much as he cares about Slime, he does not view him as an equal; him simultaneously infantilizing and idealizing the guy is one of the big problems Slime rips into him for ("you found me, something malleable"). Meanwhile, he's still Foolish's boss, officially, but he also knows that Foolish is experienced, capable of extreme violence, and definitely capable of killing him if he wanted to. He's kind, he's nice, but he's not pure. There's a certain... safety in having someone like that on your side. Doesn't hurt your ego, either.

So for Quackity it's "you are one of the few people who can truly understand why I am the way I am" and "you could destroy me if you so chose, and you wouldn't be wrong for doing so" and perhaps later on, "knowing you better now, I want to do right by you; don't I wish someone had done that for me?" with a healthy dose of "you know, the fact that this guy could snap me in half and I'm only still alive out of mercy (or am I the one in control here? Nice.) is… kinda hot."

And for Foolish, it's "I still hate you for what you couldn't or wouldn't do" and "I feel sorrow for the parts of you I see myself in" and perhaps later on, "I came here for my own benefit but maybe you and this place deserve a second chance; didn't I want a second chance my own?" with a little dash of "… okay, I'll admit it, this mortal is kind of cute, and I could always kick him and bail later if I really wanted to."

The rub we find with a romantic relationship between these two, though, is getting it to go the other way. Despite having been very civil to Q, Foolish has no reason to trust Q. This guy let him die, came into his home, insulted him to his face, and probably doesn't pay him nearly what his work is worth. Foolish still has some self-respect left. He seriously considered betraying Q to Dream, for goodness' sake, and it's hard to blame the guy.

But after Quackity's second death, Foolish is... basically all that Q has to confide in. And again, maybe he's in the perfect position to understand and discern whether or not Q's change is genuine. Given his own history, he knows that people can change.

Picture this: Quackity now has hundreds of humanoid slimes to care for, right? Maybe he wants to do better by them than he did for Charlie, and is realizing just how badly he might have fucked up by raising them the way he did. Maybe he tries to encourage them to do things independently, too, and it isn't quite working. Maybe some of them gain enough agency to be angry and choose to leave Las Nevadas, and maybe part of Q's growing process is letting them go.

But maybe Foolish stays to help those who remain; after all, wasn't he their creator, too? Doesn't he have some responsibility? And while he's teaching them new skills like building, or helping them hone their individual styles, he's also there for Q to lean on, ask questions, confess things he hasn't told anyone else. Maybe Foolish tells Q a few stories from his own past, and Q isn't horrified to hear the gory details. Maybe they go from coworkers to tentative friends, and perhaps something a little more... flirtatious. Yeah, that's the word. Nothing too serious, just fun. Like when Quackity comes to Foolish in the middle of the night, shaky from a dream he's not remorseful enough to call a nightmare yet, and asks if he can sit with him. Or when Foolish asks for feedback on a blueprint that's giving him trouble, and Quackity spends half an hour praising and hyping him up (it's little... weird, but appreciated). Maybe one day, Quackity finally gives Foolish a true, heartfelt apology.

Foolish isn't going to hold Q's hand through his self-improvement journey; Q has to face his guilt and do the hard parts alone. But maybe at the end of it, Foolish will still be there, in this cold country that's starting to feel just a bit more like a family, and maybe that says everything it needs to.

On a completely different end of the spectrum, cAN YOU IMAGINE THE ANGST IF FOOLISH HAD ACTUALLY BETRAYED Q IN LN5. AFTER Q HAD FINALLY STARTED TO TRUST AGAIN HE GETS SMACKED WITH THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS OWN ACTIONS. WE WERE FUCKING ROBBED OF THIS SCENE. ROBBED, I TELL YOU-

Sooo... yeah. Their dynamic doesn't need to be romantic, per se, but it's a ship I find very interesting and appealing. Hence the essay.

P.S. - tiny prettyboy twink + muscular literal god, do what you will with that

#dsmp #c!quackity #c!foolish #c!loansharkduo #do these two have a ship name?#quacklish? fookity?#ahhh loanshakr is a pun it's fine #analysis

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