#bc they’re clearly a fucking idiot

[ifeelfreewithoutmyshoes]

Sometimes being a queer woman means spending a fucking hour in bed arguing to the air second by second against a transphobic add you somehow got showed on youtube

#it’s a way to process all that stupidity #ughhhh #and mentally prepare myself if I ever meet a person like that #bc they’re clearly a fucking idiot #but they’re propably also gonna argue against me and believe they’re right if the person stumble #ugh #me #also I’ve never actually seen a video by this guy #but I’ve seen other videos commenting on him #and the entire thing was just so clearly edited and constructed to prove his already made opinion #so much for going to bed early Jesus Christ #the most ridiculous point was going oh the same hormone used in puberty blockers used to be used for forced chemical sterilization #yes and the hormone now used to prevent pregnancies used to be to improve the chance of pregnancy #also idk if it’s the same one but #one of the hormones used for chemical sterilization was found to have that property after being fucking used to halt growth in children #people with a disease that made them grow abnormally that I can’t remember the name of #so it actually went puberty blocking - sterilisation - pubert blocking if you wanna get nitpicky #ughhh

[comradekatara]

sokka, katara, and the paradox of “the gifted child”

something i’ve noticed is a tendency to (mis)characterize sokka as someone who is dismissed due to being a nonbender, when that’s only partially true. sokka is certainly dismissed by some for not being a bender (namely, by benders), but i think there’s a key difference between being dismissed and not being valued in one specific way. katara was valued by her tribe for being a waterbender for the very crucial reason that she was the last one left. had she been a dime a dozen in her tribe, which would have been the case were it not for the systemic extermination of her people, she would not be valued as highly for possessing this skill. that said, while sokka clearly does hold some resentment over his lack of bending ability, calling himself “the guy in the group who’s regular,” i think it’s folly to assume that this means that sokka was dismissed and discarded as “average” while katara was put on a pedestal for being special. because while katara obviously was considered special, sokka is also clearly considered special by his family, merely in different ways. and if anything, sokka embodies the archetypal struggle of the so-called "gifted child” far more than katara does.

while sokka clearly believes himself to be disposable and intrinsically worthless, i don’t think that he was actively neglected by his family. even if katara was clearly marked by her bending as embodying the last hope of their tribe, that doesn’t mean that she was seen as more gifted than he was or was designated as her family’s obvious favorite. for example, the way hakoda talks about sokka (saying he trusted him with leading and protecting the tribe when he was thirteen, calling him a genius, and other such insanely high praises to heap on a child) shows that he clearly views his son as particularly exceptional and has never been shy about showing that. sokka is distinctly insecure around his father for assumptions he makes regarding hakoda's faith in his abilities and his insecurities when it comes to his perceived failure in not measuring up as a man, but from the second we meet hakoda, it's evident that these insecurities are entirely internal and completely unfounded, at least in terms of his father's perception of him. hakoda is nothing but incredibly proud of sokka, constantly emphasizing just how capable and brilliant he believes him to be. whether or not sokka is capable of internalizing it is another story, but it's clear that hakoda is not stingy in his praise and affection, not even a little bit.

moreover, while katara is clearly kanna’s favorite on an emotional level, she nonetheless affords sokka far more respect. she admonishes katara and tells her to do her chores, and notably, she also impresses the importance of “listening to her brother,” and backs up sokka’s decision to banish aang from the village. you can claim that sexism plays a factor in how sokka views his own supposed position of authority, but kanna is a woman who traveled the entire globe as a teenager because she wanted to escape patriarchal impositions dictating her life. she’s simply far too smart to treat sokka as any sort of authority within their village if she did not fully entrust him with that responsibility. she treats sokka almost like a peer, as if she is legitimately co-running the village with a fifteen year old boy.

katara is only a couple years younger than sokka at most, but her dynamic with kanna is very different. on one hand, kanna clearly sees more of herself in katara, can identify with her sense of adventure and rebellious spirit, but on the other hand, it means that she views katara as a child to be taken care of, who needs to be reminded to do her chores and bailed out when she gets herself into trouble. sokka doesn't want to be viewed as a child, and so he does everything in his power to position himself as kanna's equal rather than her grandson. he takes his duties and responsibilities very seriously, and is obedient to a fault whenever he is submitting to any authority he actually respects, especially his father and grandmother. to be honest, a lot of what katara considers coddling is probably just sokka never being bossed around by their grandmother because she never actually has to tell him to do his chores. because despite katara's claim that he simply faffs about "playing soldier," sokka's problem is actually that he takes himself too seriously for her liking. and with the exception of kanna saying "be nice to your sister," which is the kind of teasing a parent says to their child, she clearly respects sokka's position in the village. when katara tries to run away with aang, kanna takes sokka's side and forbids her from acting impulsively, but when sokka is the one who packs supplies and plans to save aang, kanna gives them both her blessing.

katara is the only person who takes umbrage with the notion of sokka running the village and telling her what to do all day. and those frustrations have likely accumulated up from a lifetime of being told to “do as her brother says” and “why can’t she be smarter and more responsible and levelheaded blah blah blah.” she clearly thinks that she’s punching up when she yells at or mocks him, which may seem crazy to anyone who understands that sokka’s entire identity and existence revolves around being katara’s protector, but katara doesn’t actually know this. in her mind sokka is merely the perfect child who has always represented this impossible standard of “genius.” and what's more, he's absolutely insufferable about it.

and to be clear, this isn’t to say that katara herself isn’t highly intelligent, capable, competent, and skilled. she’s not only an incredibly talented waterbender, but also clever, quick, witty, creative, resourceful, practical, mature, and thoughtful in other ways. at one point, toph calls her a genius (“a stinky, sweaty genius”). and she is, indeed, an extremely powerful and innovative waterbender, both due to her hard work, but also because she is genuinely brilliant. that said, she’s smart in the realistic way that a kid is smart; she works hard to be good at what she cares about (and she has an existentially devastating reason to care about being a good waterbender, mind you), and she’s also good at thinking on the fly when she needs to. however, unlike sokka, or even toph, her intellect may be impressive, but it isn’t astonishing. sokka’s mind functions completely anomalously. i wouldn't say he's unrealistically intelligent, because i do know some people in real life who are similarly adept at processing all kinds of different information with the ability to deftly apply it near-immediately, but it is certainly abnormal, both for real world standards and within his universe.

i normally bristle at this term and its applications (for multiple reasons), but since it is explicitly stated multiple times across the show, it is important to acknowledge that sokka is referred to as a genius multiple times, including by his father. katara is referred to as being a genius by toph for using her own sweat to waterbend (which, as hama points out an episode later, isn't even that clever because you can literally bend water from the air around you); conversely, sokka is referred to as a genius for helping to invent hot air balloons and for figuring out multiple escape routes from the world's most secure prison in less than a day. we don't know the exact timeframe under which katara trained with pakku and earned the title of master, but she clearly worked incredibly hard to earn that title, not only as a master, but as the greatest waterbender in the entire world. i assume it was any time between a few weeks and a little over a month in which zhao would organize a fleet to arrive at the north pole, which is, of course, extremely impressive in itself and a testament to her passion and determination. however, on the other hand, piandao claims that sokka has basically mastered the sword and is ready to make his own within less than a day. it's important to remember that katara is also brilliant in her own way, and possesses great skills that sokka lacks: not only bending, but also midwifery, and an ability to locate her own emotions and allow herself to be vulnerable with others, two skills which should never be looked down upon for their association with womanhood and femininity, and are also particularly impressive considering just how young katara is. she is brilliant in her own right, and in any other family, katara would easily have been "the smart one." and yet, sokka is simply in a league of his own.

so, yeah, he can stand to get thrown around and yelled at; everyone her entire childhood just kept on impressing how special and perfect and brilliant he is, he can handle it. she has no idea that he is depressed, depersonalizes, loathes himself, and thinks he’ll never be good enough, because he never actually communicates any of that to her. the closest he ever comes is admitting that he’s jealous due to not having bending abilities, and even that shocks katara, even though it’s such a small and obvious admission in the scheme of things. she has no idea what’s going on with him psychologically, how he views himself in relation to others, and specifically in relation to her, so she kind of just assumes he’s entitled because surely he must know how special he is and thus feels owed accolades by the world at every turn. he deserves to be humbled, and she is in fact righteous for humbling him.

when she makes fun of him for being stupid or miserable or paranoid or cynical, she thinks she’s owning him the way a righteous underdog fights against an oppressor. it's similar to how zuko wants to "put azula in her place." in katara and zuko's minds, they are both the valiant underdog siblings who had to fight and struggle against the siblings for whom everything came so easily. and in katara’s mind especially, she is always punching up, and she always has a moral justification in lashing out at anyone she pleases. so she couldn’t fathom that the reason sokka puts up with her antagonism without complaint isn’t because he’s so above her that he can simply ignore her taunts and gibes without a care (if that were the case, he wouldn't bother to taunt and gibe in return), but rather that he feels so detached from his own personhood that he would never think to actually explain his feelings to the person whom he has defined himself through since childhood. and if he did ever, somehow, communicate that to her, she’d have to reevaluate their whole entire lives and dynamic. but he never will communicate that to her, so she’ll never actually have to do that.

moreover, even though katara often does tease sokka and cast doubt upon his competence and abilities in low-stakes situations constantly, whenever they are actually facing a real problem that requires an immediate solution, katara seems to forget that sokka is supposedly an unhelpful, lazy, immature idiot because she immediately turns to him to fix all their issues. and then once that issue is resolved, katara goes back to finding his existence bothersome. sokka, on the other hand, falls into this role of problem solver instinctually, with the one exception that when they actually name him as the idea guy, he jokingly complains that it’s a lot of pressure to be one who is always expected to come up with solutions. and while he is joking during that conversation in “the drill,” he’s being honest to an extent, because his perfectionism and fear of failure is truly dire.

when katara is faced with failure, whether as the consequences for her own actions or otherwise, she simply gets back up and tries again. she can’t be knocked down, she can’t be deterred from achieving her goals. she has a very healthy approach to making mistakes, and while she doesn’t always learn from them in the longterm, she does always try her best to fix them and amend the situation as immediately as possible. katara is someone who is incredibly resilient and is constantly demonstrating the sheer magnitude of her inner strength, especially in particularly difficult moments. she has the ability to fail as many times as it takes without letting that failure affect her own self-esteem or desire to keep striving for what she believes in.

sokka, on the other hand, is very physically resilient (he gets beat up a lot), but his emotional resilience is actually quite pathetic. he has no tools for coping with failure. from even the slightest mistake, like not actually being able to open the doors at the fire temple with his makeshift explosives, to a catastrophic one, like his failed invasion, sokka immediately retreats inward. in “the boiling rock,” sokka demonstrates how his first ever real failure that rests squarely on his own shoulders is so devastating to him that he becomes totally irrational and suicidal in an attempt to “rectify” the situation. he does not know how to cope with failure, because he expects himself to be perfect at all times. and it’s not because sokka is overly proud, but rather that his guilt complex is so profound that he blames himself for every single thing that goes awry at all times, even when it isn’t actually his fault whatsoever. so that guilt and shame is magnified a thousand fold when sokka is actually culpable for those losses.

one of many ways in which it is evident that sokka is the older sibling is that he clearly lives with the mentality that if katara messes up or gets herself in danger due to her own impulsive inclinations, it’s always actually sokka’s fault for not being a better, more attentive brother. when she sets off the booby trap in the banned ship, sokka banishes aang from the village so as to protect katara from herself. when katara experiences the consequences of heedlessly blowing up a factory, sokka gets mad at her for her recklessness, but also immediately finds a way to help her fix this situation, because that’s his job, and in fact, his primary purpose on this earth. this is a dynamic sokka has probably internalized even before he was assigned the role of her sworn protector, because that’s just how being the eldest is.

sokka’s tendency to take responsibility for everyone else’s mistakes and his desire to shoulder everyone else’s pain at all times, coupled with his implicit belief that he, uniquely, cannot afford to mess up ever (if other people make mistakes it’s fine and he can help them fix it, but if he makes mistakes he no longer has a purpose on this planet, goodbye cruel world), definitely indicates that he was held to an incredibly high standard all his life. he expects himself to be able to handle a lot of responsibility with perfect ease because he always has. he isn’t used to making mistakes of any kind. if he puts his mind into learning a new skill, he always masters it within a couple of days, whatever that skill happens to be. unlike katara, sokka is used to things coming easily to him, and what he isn’t used to is failure.

katara and sokka are both exceptional, of course, but in very different ways, and for very different reasons. katara grew up with a lot of external pressure to excel as a waterbender, because she needs to embody her cultural legacy and prove that her mother’s sacrifice was not in vain. it’s an unfathomable burden to place on a child, and the rate at which she improves her waterbending once she is actually given the resources to hone her skills is a testament to her perseverance and untiring dedication. katara becomes the greatest waterbender in the world not because she is a natural prodigy (which is something she bristles at when aang does display prodigious skill), but because she is incredibly determined and no one can outmatch the strength of her heart and unshakable commitment when she is pursuing a goal. as pakku even says, raw talent isn’t everything, and katara’s abilities prove that despite not being “naturally gifted,” hard work and determination is far more important when it comes to excelling in any given domain.

however, if katara’s motivation to be excellent is externally imposed by the tragic circumstances of her life, sokka’s motivations are, at the very least, internally maintained. as aforementioned, i have no doubt that he received a lot of external validation and praise from the adults in his life as a child with a dazzling, brilliant mind. as has been established, sokka is constantly displaying an ability to synthesize new information at a staggering rate, which likely means that before katara had even discovered her ability to waterbend, sokka was probably being fawned over for the impressive rate at which he was picking up new skills as a baby. since pretty much everything (cerebral, at least) comes easily to sokka, i can only imagine that hakoda, who never hesitates to express to his children how proud he is of them, would constantly affirm sokka’s intellect. and by boasting that sokka takes after himself (hakoda also refers to himself as a genius, completely sincerely), he unwittingly plants the first seeds in fostering sokka’s belief that he must be exactly like his father in every way, and that any deviation from hakoda’s image would prove him unworthy. but he will never be the spitting image of hakoda the way that katara is "the spitting image of kanna" because sokka is already the spitting image of kya, if not – perish the thought – his own person entirely.

unlike katara, who spent her whole childhood trying to waterbend by herself with little success (beyond, of course, isolated instances demonstrating her sheer raw power when her bending was being influenced by her incredibly strong and passionate emotions), sokka always felt like he could handle the amount of responsibility he was given, because everything came easily to him. until the day that his life changed forever, and suddenly the stakes were no longer abstract, but tangible and personally devastating. sokka had never learned that it was okay to fail as a child because he never had a reason to, and then suddenly, he could not afford to fail under any circumstances. failure of any kind went from being a (purely hypothetical) blow to the ego, to being something that could directly endanger the lives of his loved ones. and so sokka decides that the only way to not be culpable for his potential failures is to be a martyr.

of course, there are instances in which sokka is proven to be inept, such as on kyoshi island or with piandao, wherein his humility and open-mindedness are put on display and sokka puts aside his own standards of perfection to learn from a master, but i don't think these instances qualify as failures. for one thing, sokka happens to master the forms he is being taught in less than a day, at an unprecedented rate, and thus these initially humiliating blindspots in his knowledge become victories as sokka absorbs new knowledge. sokka is always eager to learn, and willing to acknowledge his lack of expertise in area, humbling himself to learn from others any chance he gets. no, what i mean by "failure" as it relates to sokka's self-perception and ego is not a lack of knowledge, but an inability to protect another. to sokka, his existence is defined by his ability to provide and protect, and thus, a failure is, specifically, when someone gets hurt under his watch. that is what it means to not be able to afford to fail. he is not overly proud (if anything he is overly insecure), but he also understands that the stakes of failure – real failure – are tangible.

so when it comes to failure that carries grave consequences, he would rather be dead than fallible (or, responsible for not adequately protecting his loved ones), one million times over. and so every time someone makes a sacrifice for him, he feels as if he has failed on a fundamental level, because simply being exceptional is not enough, he must also bear the entire world’s suffering alone – as (in his mind) hakoda instructed him to when he left him behind to protect and provide for the village. otherwise he has failed in his promise to be needed, which is his raison d’être. sokka’s complex is very obviously not informed solely by his upbringing as a “gifted kid,” and in fact largely informed by the dehumanizing logic of war as it necessitates sacrifice, but his inability to accept his own fallibility as a product of his self-dehumanization is, at the very least, compounded by his debilitating perfectionism.

thus, katara and sokka's dynamic within their family isn’t “gifted kid and neglected kid,” but rather “two gifted kids who are gifted in different ways, one of those ways being valued more on a cultural level due to its scarcity as a byproduct of genocide.” while katara was put on a pedestal her entire life due to her ability to waterbend, it doesn’t mean that sokka wasn’t put on a pedestal in other ways. if anything, the reason hakoda entrusted a child with the burdens he did was specifically because he put his son on a pedestal. sokka assumes that hakoda didn't think he was capable enough to join his army, but that couldn't be further from the truth. hakoda trusted his thirteen year old son so much that he genuinely thought it best to leave him alone with this duty to defend his village and protect katara at all costs. he didn't leave a single man behind, not even the other teenage boys, because that's how much faith he had in a child to take his responsibilities seriously and perform them competently. and if that decision gave sokka one million different complexes and fucked him up for life, it wasn’t because he wasn’t valued for his abilities, it’s because he was overvalued and given too much responsibility at too young an age.

both he and katara struggled to live up to the expectations placed on them, forced to fulfill the roles of their parents instead of being allowed to exist as children. but crucially, katara sees the injustice in that, and clings to her childhood even as she strives for greatness, and sokka simply doesn't. he's long accepted that injustice, and in fact feels guilty that he cannot better live up to the impossible portrait of an idolized father, an idealized masculinity, an illusory model of the infallible, unshakeable warrior. despite all his achievements and natural giftedness, he nonetheless feels totally inadequate, deeply flawed, and ontologically worthless. perhaps, in a world beyond the pressures of war and its dehumanizing logic, sokka would have internalized the praise he was constantly receiving his whole life for his gifts. but since he was only ever a prodigy in ways that didn’t matter (within that colonized paradigm), he doesn’t actually care about how clever and brilliant and creative and talented and unique and special he is, because that would first require him to see himself as fully human, and he can’t even do that.

#analysis #sokka #katara #katara&sokka #hakoda #kanna #kya #hakoda&sokka #kanna&sokka #kya&sokka #kanna&katara #whew...! 20+ paragraphs about sokka and katara’s childhood. it’s more likely than u think (highly likely at all times) #see but this is why sokka is so clearly a mirror to azula to me #like not just in terms of crippling perfectionism and devastating fear of failure and being a child prodigy who is put on a pedestal #but simultaneously dehumanized etc etc #but also the fact that like. zuko treats her the same way katara treats sokka #he clearly thinks his immediate hostility and aggression towards her is like. him nobly fighting the battle against his tormentor #when that is literally his little sister and she is struggling so much and desperate for support from LITERALLY ANYONE #katara and zuko are like ‘let’s put azula in her place’ and high five #and that’s just so fucking apt because they truly do believe that it’s their duty to put their perfect prodigy siblings ‘in their place’ #but those are truly two of the most miserable people on the planet #so to any outside observers it’s just like………. why are you being mean to them they’re literally suicidal and shaking like a leaf #but also everyone already knows that azula is the prodigious gifted sibling bc zuko says it like one million times #so there’s rly no need to argue that #whereas katara loves calling sokka an idiot so i do believe that some clarification is in order #but like. yeah there’s no way sokka was dismissed or neglected as a child #he’s dismissed and neglected by the world at large #but within his tribe he’s like a mini celebrity . he’s their young sheldon (sorry) #anyway im running out of room to write tags but um. perfectionism is a disease get well soon xoxo bye

[ahalliance]

ever since openly coming out as trans irl, everytime someone misgenders me i inch closer to losing my absolute shit

#yeah yeah you need to be patient with them because they need to adjust. i know. i get that enough from my cis friends #like i’m not a fucking idiot of course people need to get used to it. as long as you correct yourself i #have zero issues with someone making the occasional mistake #but it’s just the build up of. certain people who KNOW my pronouns and still fuck them up even though it’s been ages #and the continual misgendering i get from randos on the street bc im clearly not masc looking enough #that’s driving me fucking bonkers . #i know i need to get my ass into gear and start the hrt process #but i just fucking know once i tell my parents what i want to do they’re gonna second guess me and not take it seriously #and that will drive me over the edge i think #i’m so fucking tired of having to listen to cis people who think they know my struggle better than indo #I AM the one who has put years worth of thinking into my medical transition. i am the one who has done the research. not you #jay rants

[sexlapis]

Ho! I loooooooveeee your actor toji fics! Is it possible to get added to the taglist? Thank you ~

Also an idea: a bts scene of reader getting sick on set(perhaps even collapsing) due to fatigue and toji taking care of them- I feel like that'd be such a hit ship moment irl :D

thank you for liking my fics <3 you can be added to the tag list 🩵.

and omg yeah i love that idea of reader overworking themselves and toji looking after them :’). and yeah i didn’t make it a behind the scenes clip i made a short fic abt it bc i do not know when to stop.. like give me an idea and i will fly away w it like a bird liek..i don’t even think this is what you asked for srsly…i hope you don’t mind (but i’ll add it to my tojiyn headcanons hehe)

cw: actor toji x actress reader, hurt/comfort, angst to fluff, swearing, petnames (‘kid’, ik people don’t like this one but i think it’s so sweet & so toji :)), collapsing, mentions of skipping meals/not eating, poor sleeping habits, feelings of loneliness & inadequacy, crying, toji taking care of reader, i made this way more angsty than you asked sorry :(

wc: 2k+

you dragged yourself through the doors of the studio, immediately bombarded by directors, stylists, scrip writers and other cast members on your way to the dressing room, only fuelling your fatigue and stress.

sleep was a foreign concept at this point. five hours at most. so were healthy, filling meals - the last time you ate was yesterday at noon, and for breakfast today all you had was a cup of coffee, not helping your nervous, exhausted state.

admittedly, you were not doing very well. you felt that your acting was subpar and you felt lonely and isolated on set. while everyone went with their friends for a break or lunch, you sat by yourself in your dressing room, your only company being the silence.

sure, toji was also on set too, but he played a very minor role, so he wasn’t always there. and even when he was sometimes, he would hang out with the other crew members, which wasn’t a problem of course, but it did sting a little when he chose them over you.

you just felt so lonely, anxious and quite frankly upset at yourself and the circumstances you find yourself in.

there are a few knocks at your dressing room door and you weakly tell them to come in.

toji peeks is head in. “hey, kid. we start in five..” he takes a look at your weary face, dark eye bags prominent even through the makeup the stylists caked on and the frown on your lips and just knows something is wrong.

“are you ‘right?” he asks quietly, like you’re a deer who’s about to run away at the slightest of sounds.

“yes, i’m fine.” you lie, a voice in the back of your mind wishing he’d just ignore you like everyone else on this damn set does.

“‘you sure? ‘cause you don’t look-”

“i said im fine! just get out.” you snap, heart beating and breathing heavily at your own outburst.

fuck. you didn’t mean to say that.

but toji doesn’t look offended. he just nods and walks away footsteps fading as you put your head in your hands and sob.

so there you are, acting in front of the camera with your colleague in a scene where toji appears in too and you just seem off. everyone assumes it’s just not your day today and they’re not exactly wrong. you lines were slightly forced, tired and you were jittery and clearly apprehensive, like you didn’t even want to be here.

“cut!” the director calls out, more than annoyed with your behaviour. it was the sixth take and you’re really trying to make it believable, but it’s futile.

“this is the sixth take _____. this is ridiculous. get your act together. let’s take five.”

you look down at your shoes, face hot and chest thudding with embarrassment due to the director calling you out in front of everybody. tears well up in your eyes and you sigh, blinking them away as everyone starts talking again, walking away leaving you standing there like an idiot.

it all becomes too much for you. your empty stomach, oncoming headache, exhausted body, dry mouth, furrowed eyebrows, sweaty palms-

you let your script fall out of your hand as you stumble off the green screen, trying to get to your room before a hand is grabbing your arm. you turn around and it’s toji again.

“hey..” he leans down slightly to your height, scanning you over once. “you don’t look so good, _____-”

you shrug him off, vision becoming blurred with black static and limbs heavy and shaky. “i-i jus’ need to go. to my..uhm-” you stop, rubbing a hand down your face harshly. “i just-”

and then there is black.

౨ৎ

you come to and realise that you are laying on your dressing room couch, staring up at the ceiling. reaching up, you feel a wet, cool cloth on your head. you take it off. still fuzzy and body essentially lethargic, you try to sit up.

“hey, hey, hey.” toji whispers.

oh, toji’s here.

“take it easy.” he helps you sit up on the arm of the couch. he hands you a bottle of water and you drink it like a god.

“wait, what happened?” you ask, still confused and disoriented.

“you fuckin’ fainted that’s what,” he states bluntly. “scared the fuckin’ dogshit outta me.”

“oh.”

toji sits beside you on a chair, looking at you closely. you look down.

“the med team checked you out.” he tells you. “said you fainted, collapsed-whatever the fuck. ‘cos of stress and exhaustion. they even checked your blood sugar and said it was low as fuck.” he pauses. “not dangerously low,” he adds at the sight of your worried expression, “but.. low enough.”

you sigh, falling back on the couch. you think back to how the director shouted at you, how annoyed he was, and how humiliated you felt. tears start to form again and you cover your face with your hands, not wanting to cry in front of toji. you felt like you’ve had enough embarrassment for today.

toji leans forward. “what’s happening with you?”

the way he said it, so soft and concerned, makes the tears fall down and cause sobs to escape your mouth, hiccuped breaths falling from your mouth.

“hey, hey, hey..” toji coos. he reaches to you and makes you sit up again so he can take you into his arms. you let him, sobbing into his shoulder and sucking up all the comfort he gives you. toji’s big hand strokes your hair and the other caresses your back softly.

“shh, sh, sh…” he calms you down a little, you sobs turning into sniffles. he leans back and gives you space but his hands stay planted on your back. “tell toji what’s wrong.”

you hum sadly, looking down and gulping. “i’m..i’m tired. i wanna sleep..”

toji waits for you to continue. he can see you want to say more so he doesn’t hurry you along, he just rubs your back and nods to let you know you’re listening.

“i..” you take a breath, “i dunno what to do..i can’t do this fucking role.. i’m fucking tired half the fucking day and my so called colleagues don’t even like me!” you try to calm yourself down, taking another shaky breath. “and i just feel..lonely all the time..” you cry out the last few words, feeling another sob session coming up and toji pulls you close, letting you ruin his shirt with your tears as he rocks you back and forth in his arms.

“it’s okay, it’s okay..” he coos, resting his face in your hair.

you both stay like that for a few moments, you weeps dying down before toji talks.

“you can play this part, _____. ‘you have any idea how good your are, huh? you can act circles around half ‘these guys.”

you scoff, pulling your lips together. “i dunno about that..”

“‘m serious. _____, you can act, okay? ‘wouldn’t have made it this far if you couldn’t.”

“yeah but..this one’s hard..” you sigh, voice cracking but toji doesn’t let you start again.

“yeah, acting’s hard. but i can help you,” toji cups your wet face with his hands, wiping the tear streaks that paint you face, “we can all help you. the crew, your friends, that bitchass director. i’ll put a gun to everyone’s head to make them fuckin’ help you with this.”

you giggle at his seriousness and he huffs, relieved that you’re relaxing a little.

“they don’t hate you, y’know. everybody on set. the cast. they just think you’re a little shy and quiet. they don’t hate you, okay?” toji reassures you. you nod absentmindedly and he shakes your head from side to side to make you pay attention, making you smile, eyes crinkling even though they’re still tear stricken. “there she is..who the fuck could hate you, huh?”

“ugh, toji.” you roll your eyes, sniffling and rubbing your face. you pull away from him. “ugh..i just want my bed right now.”

“yeah..i know it ain’t my place but told the director that you’re taking a few days off. you need a break, kid.”

you didn’t even argue with him. you couldn’t.

“yeah, i do.” you agree.

suddenly, a loud rumble from your stomach erupts, it was like an earthquake.

toji laughs. “someone’s hungry.”

you groan. “‘m starving. haven’t eaten since yesterday.”

“we’re getting you something to eat.” he states, leaving no room for objections.

toji stands, holding his hand out for you to take. you do, his large, calloused hand dwarfing yours as he helps you stand up. “can you walk?”

“i will if there’s food involved.”

“that’s good.” toji chuckles, “how’s takeout sound?”

a/n: had to write a whole fic abt this i apologise 🥸 will add the tag list later i just keep forgetting the users </3

#📫.toji #📫.answered #toji x reader #toji x you #toji x y/n #toji x self insert #toji fluff #toji fushiguro x reader #toji fushiguro x you #toji fushiguro x y/n #toji fushiguro x self insert #toji fushiguro fluff #toji fushiguro fanfic #actor!toji #actress!reader #toji zenin x reader #toji zenin x you

[jeanboyjean]

I THOUGHT OF ANOTHER ONE👀👀👀

What do you think jean’s reaction would be if he likes you but yall aren’t together, and he catches you staring at one of the other guys after a workout, or something like that (I just know he’d be so dramatic lmao) feel free to pick one person, give a general reaction or a list, whichever you want, no pressure 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

asjkjskj OKAY so i just started writing and this is what i blurted out akjsdfnsd he is actually so dramatic i love it when he’s a little pathetic like let me love you u silly man. this became 500 words HAHA

Jean knows.

He’s an idiot but he knows he shouldn’t be jealous. In fact, he has no right to feel anything at all. He shouldn’t even be looking to be honest. And yet, he can’t help it. Not when his world slows to a stop, walls caving in, vision tunnelling to zero in on you every time you’re in the same room together.

His grip tightens on the dumbbells he’s holding, knuckles white, teeth clenched. The sound of his blood pumping roars in his ears, silencing the music blaring in his earphones. 

Why the fuck are you staring at him? 

There you are, sitting on a bench across the gym in your cute little workout outfit and instead of looking at Jean, your eyes are locked on his friend in front of you. Reiner’s deep in a squat, with at least three plates on each side like the miserable show off he is. You must be between sets, with your water bottle in hand, but your gaze is fixed on his form as he grunts out another rep.

Honestly, Jean can’t even blame you when Reiner’s out there throwing around weights like it’s nothing. If he was attracted to men, he would probably be checking him out, too.

Jean huffs in annoyance. He looks down at his arms and flexes his triceps. Sure, he may not be as beefy as Reiner, but he’s no slouch himself. Why is it that you never seem to notice?

Sometimes he’ll feel a glimmer of hope when you smile at him the way you do with that little twinkle in your eyes as if laughing at an inside joke only the two of you share; only to be shattered in a second when you turn that same look on someone else. There’s only so much more of this he can take before he feels like he’ll be about ready to burst. 

Jean knows he should just look away and focus on himself. But how can he when you’re right there, looking as perfect as ever despite being sweaty and messy from working out. Hell, it only makes him want you even more. He wishes it could be him making you sweat. You would never need to go to the gym with the way he knows he could work you out. If only he could just muster up the courage to tell you how he feels. All he wants is to just make you his. He swears he would do anything to give you everything. 

He’s burning holes into Reiner’s body with his eyes and the other man must be able to feel it because he halts, looking up into the mirror to make eye contact with Jean. Reiner double takes and racks his weights. Clearly confused, he slides his headphones off his ears and turns to face Jean with his eyebrows raised. The movement catches your attention and you stir from where you’re sitting on the bench across from him. 

Your eyes follow Reiner’s gaze to land on where Jean is standing, seething, still gripping the dumbbells like his life depends on it. And then, Jean’s heart stutters and the air leaves his lungs in a whoosh … because there it is. Your smile. You've got that smile lighting up your face and now all the tension is escaping his body, leaving him weak in the knees. What he wouldn’t give to have you look at him and only him that way. 

When you lift your hand up in a small wave, it's the nail in the coffin. That's it. He’s going to have to make you his now.

teehee! 

jean’s out here simmering thinking you’re staring at other guys … which true bc they’re also pretty hot … but in this instance you were actually zoning out and reiner just happened to be in front of you. 

i chose reiner #1 he’s gym dad #2 i can’t keep making every situation jean x reader x eren. 

#THANKS FOR THE ASK IDK WHAT CAME OVER ME I REALLY DIDN'T MEAN TO WRITE SO MUCH #jean x reader #jean kirstein #✉ chlo answers mail ✉ #aot x reader #this was one sitting LMAO #reiner braun #jean kirschstein #✎ . chloe wrote smth #໒꒰�� ᵕ ᵔ ꒱১ . moots

[gh0stsp1d3r]

hii!! i love your tangerine fics and i was wondering if you could write one where tangerine and the reader are enemies/rivals/can't stand each other and for some reason are sent on a mission together

they accomplish the mission but the reader is hurt and tangerine has to "patch" her up (not sure if it's the right word for that but i think you know what i mean) and maybe stich her up. while he's quietly scolding her for being irresponsible/getting hurt he notices that she's crying (maybe bc it's hurting or she's afraid of needles or both)

thank you angel<3l

(Wo)man with a plan

@kpopgirlbtssvt

@little-miss-dilf-lover

@earth-elemental18

You and the twins weren’t enemies exactly, more like rivals. Tangerine and his brother always somehow beat your number one spot in the agency. Whenever you got sent on a mission, they got sent on three. It was ridiculous, and they were clearly being favored.

So when they told you that you had to go with them on a mission, you feel like pulling your hair out. They’re asking you to stay with your rivals for a whole day!

“Just get the job done fast and you’ll be fine, girl. Plus, tangerine is like… fine as hell. I wouldn’t mind staying with him for a few days.” Your friend said while she took a sip of her milkshake.

‘ She wasn’t entirely wrong’ you thought, but quickly shook that thought away. “You’re not helping!”

Your friend shrugged “Sorry. Just saying the truth.”

You groaned and put your head on the table, you spotted something in the corner of your eye.

Tangerine and Lemon.

You side-eyed them while they came up to you and your friend.

“So, we’re going on a mission together?” Lemon asked.

“I guess so.” You mumbled.

“This is ridiculous. They can’t change it?”

“I already asked. Apparently it’s some hard mission that three of the best agents need to go on.” You mocked them.

“Great. Just fuckin’ perfect. C’mon, Lemon, we still gotta debrief.”

They walked away and you rolled your eyes and turned your head back to your friend.

“I mean, who actually debriefs? I just click yes to all the questions on the computer.” You rolled your eyes.

“Same. It’s just too annoying.”

“I mean, Why can’t we be partnered up? We’d be great partners.”

“I keep asking, but noooo.” She rolled her eyes.

“Fucking idiots.” You sighed.

——————-

The mission wasn’t too hard.

The three of you stalked the target, apparently it was some millionaire who was a gang member and a big deal. The rival gang leader saw him as a threat, and that’s why your here.

You looked through your sniper scope, and followed him with it. You put it down and turned to them, you threw crouched on a roof

He had lots of bodyguards, so it wasn’t gonna be too easy.

“Alright, so what do you say we do?” You said.

“I say we snipe them all from up here.” Lemon said, thinking better than his brother.

“I think we should just go down there and do OUR thing.” He emphasized the our, referring to him and Lemon.

You usually did long range, and you were better at snipers, which was your main weapon.

“Seriously? Now is not the time for this. There’s too much of them, and you’d be too outnumbered.”

“I’ve handled more than them by myself.”

“Yeah and you almost died.” Lemon snickered, his brother hit him in the arm.

“Jesus Christ. Would you both shut up?” You mumbled, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“So, what do you think we should do, Angel?”Tangerine scoffed.

The gears turned in your head as you thought. You grabbed out a piece of paper that you always had and a pen that you also always had.

“Why do you just have paper and a pen in your pockets?”

“Because I’m prepared to plan, unlike you.” You mumbled.

You started to draw out a plan.

“Okay, so this is you both.” You pointed to two circles with a T and a L, then you pointed to what was supposed to be a back door that was unguarded. And you continued with the plan, they understood and the plan begun.

You stayed up on the roof, while they went down and knocked out most the guards while you shot the others. They were on high alert, and you didn’t notice some of them look directly at you and sneak out from the other door.

One had come up behind you while you focused on the boss, then he came up behind you and stabbed you in the back. You yelled out in pain, and dropped your gun. He stabbed you again in your stomach once you turned around.

You quickly jumped on him, scratching him and punching his face repeatedly. You grabbed his knife that he had dropped on the ground and stabbed him in the heart, twisting it and then leaving it and standing up heaving.

You didn’t have time to worry about you bleeding out, and instead you immediately picked up your gun and looked around for the boss.

It wasn’t that hard to kill him once the people guarding him dropped to the ground and he was the only one left. He held out his gun, frightened. He finally saw you, you smiled to yourself and shot him before he could shoot you.

You put the gun away, putting it back into your bag behind you.

You sat down, breathing heavily. You took out a first aid kit from your bag, you didn’t realize how much you were really bleeding. You held your stomach and your head rolled back.

“Fuck…” you mumbled, looking at the blood on your hands now.

Tangerine and lemon came over to you, both worried.

“Oh shit. Alright.” Tangerine said, he sat next to you and slapped you so that you did not fall asleep.

Lemon handed him some bandages as tangerine lifted up your shirt, he grabbed some towel that was in the first aid kit and applied pressure on the wound. Once the bleeding somewhat stopped, he put a bandaid on it.

“He get you anywhere else, Angel?”

“My back.” You mumbled, pointing.

He mumbled something you didn’t hear and looked at your back, he lifted your shirt up and shook his head.

“That one’s not as bad, but still..” he put a large bandage on it.

“There’s a safe house not too far, we should probably head out.” Lemon said.

“Yeah.” Tangerine said, and held out his hand to help you stand up. You grabbed it and walked next to him.

“It’s not that bad, yeah?”

“Nah, I’ve had worse.” You said.

He chuckled. “Of course you have.”

——————

As soon as you got to the safe house, lemon was asleep.

Tangerine stayed up, he patched you up even more. You complained that it had hurt, and he had hesitantly agreed to let him take care of it even more.

He pulled off the bandages, and looked at the blood. He grabbed some rubbing alcohol and put it on the wounds, your shirt was off and you were left in your bra. If you currently weren’t hurting so much, you would’ve been embarrassed. But you weren’t.

You sucked in a breath as soon as the cold liquid hit your skin, it burnt and tangerine was focused.

“You’re so irresponsible. This is why I keep telling them explicitly that I don’t wanna do missions with you. You’re a good assassin, we just don’t work together-“

It burnt, it felt like your stomach was on fire almost! Your tears hit his arm and he looked up.

“Jesus Christ- Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. I don’t know why I’m crying.” You mumbled and wiped away the tears.

“Does it burn?”

"Yeah.”

“You’re crying because it burns?”

“Well… yeah.”

“You’re a top assassin, you’ve been shot and stabbed multiple times and you’re crying because rubbing alcohol burns?”

“Yes.” You laughed out, still crying.

He laughed quietly and shook his head. He continued cleaning it.

“I didn’t mean what I said. You’re not irresponsible. Just kinda wish I saw the bastard leaving soon so that I was in bed already.”

You laughed quietly “I’m sorry, about all this.”

“It’s alright.” He shrugged it off. He didn’t get much sleep either way.

And maybe, just maybe, this team would work out.

#bullet train #tangerine x reader #bullet train x reader #aaron taylor johnson #tangerine bullet train #tangerine #aaron taylor johnson x reader

[fantasticallyfruity4]

Okay idk abt where y’all are from but my local HS had a paramedic on site for football games at all times.

And considering we’re all down bad for paramedic Steve rn, this feels like a great au (Also, has to be punk Steve bc like, it’s me come on, I want to give Eddie a heart attack.)

Lucas decides he wants to try out for football fall of sophomore year and the part is, begrudgingly supportive.

And max and Dustin are on marching band, so they’re at the games to. And Mike and el and will and Jonathan are just there on the basis of comradely and good friendly support. And of corse Eddie and his van have to be the kids chief mode of transport.

And Eddie doesn’t meet paramedic Steve (cute paramedic Steve with the lip ring and the nose ring and the eyebrow stud) because poor sweet little Lucas got squished by some freak out on the field, or bc his good friend chrissy took a hell of a tumble coming down from a cheer and he’s such a worried friend fussing over her like a mother hen, or bc somehow someway Dustin got whacked in the nose by a flute.

No, he does this all by himself. All his own brilliance. He went to check on the Byers + co contingency before going back to hovering over his little band babies + his two accidentally adopted jocks, and takes a fucking header off the bleachers. Clears a good 3 feet if he doesn’t say so himself.

So sweet pretty paramedic Steve of corse rushes over to him in an instant, sitting him up against the side bleachers, shining a light in his eyes, asking where he is, when it is, his name, and they’ve got a little crowd of the byers + wheeler + the little Mayfield and Henderson but Steve’s paying them no attention and Eddie doesn’t even see them.

The paramedic introduces himself as Steve, he says “I’m Steve and I’m gonna make sure that you’re feeling okay tonight, okay sir?” And eddie nods dumbly.

And Eddie is answering sure, but he’s really making Steve worried bc he’s so wide eyed and taking a second to answer and it’s just worry some (he’s having a very in love mental breakdown, okay, let him be. He’s speed running visions of a life together. He’s understanding what “love at first sight” means for the first time in his life.). He’s got a the man he didn’t even know was in his dreams fussing over him. He’s going to explode.

“If I knew I’d have such a cute paramedic I’d have fallen off that wayyyy earlier tonight” Eddie says then slams his mouth shut and goes wide eyed in horror. Steve just laughs, a beautiful sound. Not at Eddie, no it doesn’t feel taunting, it’s a beautiful sweet sound.

“We’ll, if you’re thinking clearly enough to hit on me I think you’re heads definitely okay. Do you have a headache at all? Any dizzyness? You took a hell of a header, Eddie.”

Eddie shakes his head. “No just like my actual nose hurts from smacking into the dirt”.

Steve nods. “May I?” “Corse man it’s your job”.

Steve chuckles. “Stop making me laugh man, I’m on the clock. Does this hurt?” “No” Eddie answers in the most nasally voice with Steve’s fingers still squeezing his nose and he wants to die because what was that sound? But Steve just smiles softly. “Good, awesome. No pain? Breathing okay?”. Eddie nods dumbly. “So I’m gonna bet it’s just sore from smacking into the dirt, not broken.”.

Eddie nods dumbly. Again. For the 20th time that night. He can’t function. “So why don’t we just get these cuts here cleaned up?” Steve decides, reaching into his bag for a million supplies. “Think I’m gonna get any cool scars?” “Nah sorry man, not with these little guys. But it’s for the best, why mess with perfection anyway, right?” Steve winks dabbing some shit that BURNS on Eddie’s cheek before putting on a bandaid and Eddie might be going into cardiac arrest.

“I like your uh, piercings” Eddie spurts out like an idiot.

Steve grins. “Thanks. Got a peak of those bats when I first came over, got any more?”. Eddie snorts a laugh. “Yeah a shit ton. Nothing easy to see though my uncle would hang me if I made myself any less hirable”. Steve chuckles at that. “Hey man the whole f-d is all old military dudes covered in their shitty navy tats, i wouldn’t be too worried.” “Oh so there’s more where this came from? Maybe I should fall more” Eddie taxes, just a little. “Watch it” Steve chuckles.

“Okay I think you’re pretty patched up, handsome. But considering everything don’t drive tonight, especially if you have passengers. You have a ride home? Someone to call?” “Yeah I’ll just make it one of my friend Jonathan’s problem, that’s fine”.

“Okay, good” Steve nodded, taking out a small pen and pad from his pocket and writing something. “And this friend Jonathan… he’s not a boyfriend, right?”.

Eddies jaw fucking drops. Literally drops. He’s going to spontaneously combust. “Nah, no, nope man” he stutters out. “Okay, gotcha. If anything starts hurting tonight, if you get dizzy, any nose bleeds, give me a call. Or… you know, when you’re feeling better give me a call too”. He hands eddie the piece of paper with a smiley face and the name ‘Steve (the paramedic)’ with 10 scrawled numbers on it, as he stands up, offering eddie a hand up himself.

Eddie doesn’t want to think about the strength steve has that this that easy to lug his 160 pounds of trailer trash ass up. Or how he feels about what looks like the singular inch steve has on him, even in his boots.

#steddie #paramedic steve harrington #paramedic steve #punk steve harrington #punk steve

[fuck-customers]

💋omfg PLEASE stop sending your dad or your boyfriend or whatever the fuck to buy your makeup. If he’s a straight man I can guaran-fucking-tee you this idiot will be pestering me over every goddamn cosmetic item on the shopping list you gave him and probably then some. Ladies if y’all need makeup just get it your damn self stop sending me your dumbass men who take up all my time bc they can’t be bothered to actually look around the makeup dept. I have shit to do and if you’re coming up to me more than three times to ask where something is, I’m getting pissed off.

Dude just now came up to me with a fucking slideshow of makeup products asking where they all are. I just looked at him like “seriously dude?” Like bro I’m not your personal fucking shopper. I’m not gonna sit there and hold your stupid fucking hand while we find these ten products. But even then, I pointed and told him exactly where each item was and he STILL couldn’t find shit. It was like that ep of SpongeBob and he’s like “the lid Patrick. The lid. The lid. The lid.” I told him one of the items was over in the corner and the dude doesn’t even go to the corner. He says “where???¿?¿” over and over again like,,, my brother in Christ,,,, do you not know what a fucking corner is? You are very clearly NOT in the corner right now like this should be a no brainer???

And the dude can see by now I’m getting annoyed by this shit and he snaps at me like “well clearly I’m not someone who uses makeup so I don’t know what I’m doing here” ok so why would you agree to go shopping for it.?Tell your lazy ass daughter/wife/gf she needs to come and get it her damn self. Save us both the fucking headache.

I also think some kind of weaponized incompetence is being employed here. Like it’s not fucking rocket science to look up at the giant, lit-up signs in each aisle that say where each brand of makeup is stocked, and then go from there to find your item. But I think these men are afraid of being perceived as “gay” or whatever tf if they’re seen shopping and taking their time in the makeup dept. so when they’re sent on these shopping trips they just skip any kind of attempt at looking for the shit themselves and instead make a bee line to me the second they walk in. And then they expect me to take their shopping list and do it all for them like no dude fuck off I have tasks to do, come back when you have a real question and not just “can you help me find these 10+ items bc I’m too lazy/too straight to do my own shopping in the makeup dept”

(Lastly I’d like to mention that some of these men even have the gall to come up to me, with their girlfriend/wife/daughter on FaceTime, asking me to color match them. Yes, you read that right. They want me to find the correct shade of foundation based on a blurry ass face on a screen. So as you can imagine, I just laugh in their fucking faces when they ask this, I just cannot believe how stupid ppl are omfg)

My first thought (being in retail 30 years) Is they don't really want the makeup but some creepy way to make conversation with the (sometimes underaged) sales people.

Or like you said they have such a fragile masculinity just being near it upsets them.

If you can get away with it, tell them you will have to charge them the "personal shopper" charge of $25 to walk them to more than three items.

-Rodney

[mychlapci]

[SETTING - Swerve's where two idiots very drunk and unsupervised]

PHARMA: I am definitely not still in love with Ratchet.

RODIMUS: Right! And I am TOTALLY and COMPLETELY over Drift no longer fucking me because he's with Ratchet. Like who cares if he has a smoking MILF right?

PHARMA: Exactly. Who cares if Ratchet has acquired a pretty desperate twink to fucknor be fucked by! I can find a twink!

RODIMUS: YEAH YOU CAN! AND I CAN FIND A MILF!

PHARMA: We can fuck other people!

RODIMUS: FUCK YEAH!

PHARMA: I could be a MILF! Look at how broad my chest is look at my hips! I am definitely a MILF!

RODIMUS: Definitely MILF worthy! And I am hot as hell look at my hips! Made to be grabbed! I AM DESIGNED TO BE FUCKED WHO WOULDN'T FUCK ME!

PHARMA: I'd fuck you. (Said very seriously while holding RODIMUS's shoulders and almost tipping out of the chair)

RODIMUS: Aww. I'd fuck you and call you Mommy if you wanted. WAIT! PERFECT IDEA!

PHARMA: huh? (Fistracted petting RODIMUS'S spoiler)

RODIMUS: LETS SHOW THEM HOW MUCH WE DON'T CAR EBY FUCKING EACH OTHER! WE'RE BOTH HOT AS HELL AND WE AREN'T GOING TO FIND ANYONE ELSE HOTTER THAN US!

PHARMA: That's perfect!

Proceed to start fucking on the regular while both definitely not wanting to crawl in the middle of the Dratchet sandwich and when confronted by protective amica or ex play it up accordingly. Pharma is down to piss Drift up as much as possible and talk about how sweet Rodimus is. Rodimus meanwhile can willingly talk about his sex life for hours to Ratchet who is grinding his teeth saying he's so happy for them.

Both snap of course.

Ratchet while he has Rodimus strung up in stirrups doing his monthly check up and getting all smooth and dirty talking about how Rodimus has to know about this or that sexual preference of Pharma's and describing the reactions to it in detail while running his hands over Rodimus's plating and finishing with fingers in his valve in the checkup getting him hot and heavy.

Drift meanwhile pinning and threatening Pharma in a hold that shoots him straight to scorousal. Just purring in his ears about how he can take him to pieces.

Pharma and Rodimus both limp to their shared room to bang out inappropriate boners with a newfound appreciation with Dratchet doing something similar.

Clearly it has to end in all of them fucking though, because now Rodimus and Pharma can not stop thinking about the others ex which they already heard about in explicit detail and Dratchet meanwhile had an adult conversation about wanting to fuck their own and their partners ex.

Pharma and Rodimus fucking each other bc they’re not over their exes, who are dating, is the funniest route you could have taken with this tbh. You know Pharma and Rodimus would never keep this secret, they would be physically incapable of not gloating about it. Everyone hears about the new odd couple, Rodimus and Pharma, and you’d have to be blind (or not have been at Swerve’s the night the two yelled how they’re going to fuck each other) to not know they’re trying to get Drift‘s and Ratchet’s attention. And they do. 

Rodimus showing up for his physical and very enthusiastically giving Ratchet a run-down of his sex life, until Ratchet snaps and suddenly the room gets hot. He examines Rodimus’ array, slowly joining the conversation, cutting into Rodimus’ long-winded speech with little oh’s, like oh, Pharma always liked to have his wings tugged on, until he’s the only one talking, rubbing the inside of Rodimus’ valve in a completely professional manner while talking about how to fuck Pharma properly. He doesn’t even let Rodimus overload, sending him on his way with his poor spike pressurizing against the inside of his panel and his valve leaking.

Pharma managing to find Drift around the ship just to tell him how lucky he is, to have had such a pretty thing like Rodimus bouncing on his spike for so long and then immediately managing to replace him with Ratchet. Until Drift decides a little sparring is in order, and he ends up tackling Pharma (in good faith, if anyone asks), playing the part of a protective amica and telling Pharma how he will shred him to pieces if he hurts Rodimus. His claws brush against Pharma’s neck tubing, his ventilations are hot against his body, and Drift is so threatening, it’s extremely fucking hot. 

Pharma and Rodimus fuck each other even more vigourously that night. Meanwhile Ratchet and Drift as talking about this weird thing that just happened today and how they think that Pharma and Rodimus are making a poor attempt at seducing them. Well… why not tease them about it for a while longer? Ratchet starts getting as close to Pharma as Pharma would like, Drift puts his whole spark into sparring with Rodimus, pressing up against him whenever he can… 

#valveplug #yes yes yes make dratchrod + pharma weird #texty

[comradekatara]

oh ur voltron essay is so incredibly true. it also provides some answers to the bafflement i have been experiencing when looking at zukka tags. like, i was THRILLED when zukka got popular bc i thought it would be freedom from the endless katara ship wars. but people have gotten so incredibly weird. the amount of racist mischaracterization in the tumblr zukka-sphere is out of control. i had accepted that the majority of zukka shippers do not understand the characters at all, and you have now made me realise: not only do they not understand the characters, they see them as. fucking keith and lance. this is horrifying i’m gonna have to sit and contemplate it for a long time

yeah no the katara ship wars are still waging on, people are also just racist about sokka now too. which is awesome. but yeah if not for the fact that i see people compare them to klants all the fucking time (even before zukka got popular, in fact) i would think that im somehow delusional and exaggerating these trends but i know im not because people are constantly admitting it. just saying it out loud. like i used to see people calling sokka and zuko “rivals” a lot and that is clearly a byproduct of klantsification because everyone knows that sokka and azula are rivals. sokka and zuko are simply not rivals in any way except for in the sense that they were trying to kill each other in book 1 i guess. but i’d hardly call that a “rivalry.”

its like. sokka hates zuko and wants him dead and then zuko comes to the western air temple and begs to be let into their group and sokka doesn’t trust him but aang says that he does and sokka knows that aang needs a firebending teacher so that he can defeat the firelord and win the war so sokka is like “okay if that’s what you want, aang” and then he still doesn’t really like or trust zuko at all (at one point he even tells him to go jump into a volcano, which is the TV Y-7 way of getting “kill yourself” through s&p) but he needs information on zuko if he’s going to rectify his mistake and then zuko insists on tagging along for his suicide mission and sokka doesn’t really care whether or not zuko lives or dies so he’s like “yeah fine whatever it’s your funeral” and then zuko demonstrates that he’s actually really earnest and sincere and charmingly awkward and willing to do anything to help sokka and always follows his lead so sokka is like “okay i like this guy now” and then they’re friends and that’s that. at no point does sokka view him as a rival.

as for zuko. zuko doesn’t really care about sokka because he’s hyperfocused on capturing aang and literally nothing else matters and then he decides that he would do anything to help the avatar defeat his father and then sokka kills the indestructible walking wmd of an assassin zuko had previously hired with just his boomerang and then zuko helps sokka infiltrate the boiling rock and proves that he would literally die for him for nothing in return except the reward of seeing him happy. so at no point does zuko consider sokka his rival because he just straight up knows that sokka is better than him in every possible way and he respects that (to an almost unhealthy degree) and just follows his lead unquestioningly. if anything zuko’s rival is also azula, because they were always competing for the same affections. (except azula considers sokka her rival, while zuko considers azula his rival.)

and ppl will frame ZUKO as being out of SOKKA’S league and it’s like. the whole POINT is that sokka is out of zuko’s league and zuko knows it the whole world knows it!!!! they’re not rivals, sokka isn’t a wacky flirty idiot, zuko genuinely terrorized him for months on end, their friendship is built on the intensity of zuko’s devotion genuinely outweighing his previous crimes. anyone who cannot see past the aesthetic similarities between what is a genuinely compelling dynamic between two very well-constructed, dimensional characters and personified shallow tropes written and shipped together in a cynical cash grab should not be engaging with zukka as a ship.

it was so much better in the beforetimes, when no one knew that gay people existed, and everyone who did even remotely ship them was like “awww I love their bromance. #brosforever” because at least then they actually kind of understood what their dynamic was even if they weren’t reading any sort of romantic subtext into it. but I do want to make myself clear. reading romantic subtext into sokka and zuko’s relationship is a genuinely coherent and informed reading of the text. it is not a “headcanon” or a “crackship,” it is a valid interpretation of what is depicted onscreen.

“the boiling rock” is truly the gay subtext episode of atla (and by that I also mean the azula mai ty lee love triangle, which was truly a life changing moment for me as a child) and while there are of course multiple valid readings of characters’ motivations and behaviors as grounded in and informed by the text, especially when it comes to unspoken romantic motivations, i really do think that it’s in no way a stretch to assume that due to factors such as — a) zuko knowing sokka and saying sokka’s name way more than he says any other gaang member’s name b) zuko risking his own life to blindly follow sokka on a suicide mission to an impenetrable supermax when he is literally wanted by the state for high treason, and trusting his lead unconditionally c) zuko just generally being so soft and docile around sokka when he’s normally a tightly wound ball of stress and rage who yells at anyone who so much as looks at him funny, and of course d) zuko literally flirting with sokka in the cooler??? because I don’t know how else to explain that scene that looks like it came straight out of a cheap porno — really do seem to indicate that zuko is down bad for sokka.

and seeing as a) reading zuko as gay is already such a logical way to read his entire character arc and the significance of his journey and b) pretty much everyone they meet is down bad for sokka (assuming they’re not already down bad for katara, that is), it’s really not an incoherent or fantastical ship. like, ymmv on whether sokka actually returns zuko’s feelings (I am mostly a proponent of one-sided zukka, but I also think that I could sort of see them getting together in their late 20s or smth. idk), it’s a genuinely compelling and coherent way to read their dynamic nonetheless. the problem is when people reduce their preexisting, compelling dynamic in service of conforming to narrow and often harmful (eg, racist) troping.

i am genuinely compelled by zuko’s uncharacteristic, almost hero-worship of sokka, his desperation to be his friend to the point of following him to the ends of the earth to prevent him from quite literally killing himself. and i think there’s something really lovely about the way these two teenage boys who have both struggled so much to conform to a harmful and militaristic masculinity could embrace their nerdier and more sensitive qualities (eg, zuko is canonically a theater kid who is apparently “quite the seamstress,” sokka is canonically a poet[ry appreciator] and likes to draw and carve) together.

i love the idea of a postcanon wherein sokka acts as zuko’s senior advisor and basically willingly puppets him and runs the fire nation from the shadows (while also doing the same in the earth kingdom simultaneously, because let’s be real, both zuko and kuei are out of their depths), and how that would also complicate their dynamic. but of course anyone who does subscribe to the “sokka works in the fire palace” hypothetical always makes sokka an “ambassador,” which is just stupid. sokka would not be satisfied merely doing ambassadorial busywork, he is literally an incorrigible control freak and he would be shadow running the fire nation, at zuko’s behest. and so on and so forth.

and yet, all the fanart of them is either wildly out of character, or sokka and zuko’s personalities have literally been reversed, which is somehow even worse. i won’t pinpoint exact examples, but im also pretty sure that if you took my hand and we went into the zukka tag together, i would just be like “nope. no. no. wrong. incorrect. wildly incorrect. egregiously wrong. no. incorrect.” and so on and so forth for every single post.

so yeah. the reason i don’t really discuss their dynamic anymore, despite still finding it compelling in its own right, is because the fans genuinely annoy me so much that they’ve turned me into a hater. it’s not even that it’s a bad ship, or that it’s not my personal cup of tea, or that’s it not grounded enough in canon for my liking. i think they’re fascinating to chew on as presented in the text. but what “fans” have done to “them” has warped whatever potential they actually have in the text into something that is both sinister and obnoxious. those aren’t sokka and zuko anymore. that’s lankka and keiko. and i don’t know those guys. they are total strangers to me. and they’re annoying and shallow and cliched and have i mentioned annoying. and i hate them.

#unhinged yet cogent zukka rant under the cut…….. #unreachedgalaxy #asks #sokka #zuko #sokkaxzuko #synthesis #hot takes #analysis #society if zukka shippers actually cared about the text and weren’t racist and obnoxious and corny and annoying and

[moiraineswife]

Moiraine And Lan - The Inability To Communicate Trauma

Hello friends. It has been quite some time. Quite some time since I have: absolutely lost all my fucking shit over my blorbos at great length via a long and quotation filled tumblr meta. Fear not: the status quo of the universe returns, and I am once again: back on my bullshit (literally hours before the next episode airs and this gets drowned/replaced with New Content. Because I’m smart like that). ANYWAY.

Today we’re going to discuss: Mo and Lan and the singular moron-flavoured braincell they share, bond or no bond. More seriously, however: I’ve noticed a few bits of commentary/takes/analysis of the current state of their…well state, let’s be frank here, and realised that my contrary ass has: Different Opinions. So I figured I’d share them. Bc that’s what I do.

(Obligatory disclaimer that there is no right or wrong way to interpret something - that’s why it’s an interpretation, and this is not a call out or a “oh wow you’re wrong and here’s why!!!!” post directed at anyone or anything. Just my observation that I am going against the grain of what I’ve seen and thus throwing out: a new chew toy for us to gnaw on).

Also: please do note that this post will cover, rather extensively/in-depth, the trauma arc that Lan and Moiraine are going through at the moment and will contain trigger warnings for: depression, PTSD, trauma response, rape (in the context of the analogy that Verin presented), suicide, suicidal ideation, suicidal attempt (again: all in the context of the show/previous events), and everything related to the topics that have been raised in the first two episodes for these characters. Be safe and tap out if you need to!

So. Obligatory wiffle aside: what shall we discuss? In a nutshell (bc I’m real good at that) I’m covering how, as I see it/am fascinated by it: the responses that they’re having to each other at the moment are mirrors/insights into the responses that they’re each having to the recent traumas that they’ve both suffered. In more depth/the points where I think I differ from the norm we’re going to cover: 

1)-why Lan is: not an idiot, actually. I see it as him being still perfectly capable of READING/understanding Moiraine without the bond; what he’s having difficulty with is COMMUNICATING with her without the bond

2)- that Moiraine is actually: ALSO failing dismally at communicating with Lan, and that she’s doing: a real fucking bad job of manipulating him. (is she HURTING him? Yes. 100%. Is she MANIPULATING him into doing what she wants? Given that she clearly wants nothing more than for him to: leave her, and that after 5 solid months he has: not left, I’m just going to put out the idea that maybe she’s not quite meeting her all of her targets in this area.

3)- wow they’re both doing incredibly stupid things, and they’re doing them for the same incredibly stupid reasons, and they are, in fact: INCREDIBLY THE SAME. See: singular moron-flavoured brain cell. This manifests slightly differently, due to their own individual traumas influencing the specifics of their actions/thought processes - but the general underlying thesis is the same for both.

The TL;DR here is that: these weirdos still know each other, and love each other, and understand each other without their bond. Can they communicate any of what they want to communicate in any kind of effective way? No. No they cannot. They BOTH suck. (I say that with legitimately all the love in the world).

So. Let’s start with Lan. Purely because I think my takes on him are the most Spicy/differ the most from everyone else’s and, let’s be honest, everything here feeds into everything else and this is going to get complicated where I start SO. Drama first. (I think it’s what they would want).

Okay so first and foremost I want to try and establish/explain what I mentioned at the outset of this thing which is: Lan is not blind, he’s not stupid, and he is not suddenly completely and utterly incapable of understanding a single feel that Moiraine feels if he can’t feel it with her via bond.

The largest and most obvious piece of evidence for this feels like the best one to start with and, for me, this is the fact that: HE DIRECTLY AND COMPLETELY CALLS HER OUT ON HER BULLSHIT, TO HER FACE, TWICE!!! 

“Don’t smile at me. You can shut me out, try to drive me away, but don’t you dare smile at me. As though everything is fine. As though you don’t know exactly what you’re doing.”

This is from episode 1, where he finally snaps at her after she gives him that fake ass little smile and is like ‘is an aes sedai not allowed her secrets’ when he tries to talk to her/get her to explain: literally anything to him. And THAT is what pushes him over the edge. 

She has been cold. She has been dismissive. She has flat out ignored him like he’s not even present. He has taken it all. Not happily, and with obvious frustration, but he hasn’t said a peep. Not when she gives him one brusque, dismissive one-word orders (“door”) like a dog. Or when she deliberately turns away from him and refuses to so much as look at them - he endures all of that and just takes it and let’s her do it. Because he understands that this is her current expression of: not being fine. 

If she WAS fine, she would not be doing these things, and he knows that, and I think sees it as something like a storm to weather? It is something that will pass (he hopes) if he has the patience and the strength to wait it out. When she smiles at him? When she tries to make a JOKE out of what she’s doing? Out of the secrets that she’s been keeping from him - secrets like the fact that she was planning on going to the Eye of the World to die without him - THAT is not acceptable. She’s smiling at him and trying to joke with him as though they’re still capable of that - as though they can still tease each other the way they did, as though things are fine, both in herself, and between them, and they are NOT. When she’s treating him like a slave, or a stranger, or an annoyance - that is strangely better - because it’s this unspoken acknowledgement/agreement (the only one they’ve been able to achieve) that this is because things are not fine. She treats him badly because she’s not fine, he KNOWS she’s treating him badly because she’s not fine - is a strange kind of shared truth. Like sarcasm - something said/done where both parties know that the meaning/intent is completely different. Smiling, joking, pretending she’s fine? That is an insult, because he knows damn well she is NOT in that place.

Okay, so let’s look at the second instance of this, which occurs in episode 2 (oh how quaint) and is as follows: 

L: “Then tell me! You and I have walked this path together. Every step, every choice, every sacrifice.”

M: “We have never walked this path together. You have never seen the forest for the trees because I have never shown it to you.”

L: “I know what you’re trying to do. You can’t push me away.”

Again, as with the previous scene, he tries to get her to talk to him, to stop keeping secrets from him, to share this with her and let him help her carry her burdens the way they always have. She puts him walls, she, again, tries to force distance - she tells him that they have never been together as he says. And he calls her out. AGAIN. He knows what she’s trying to do. It hasn’t changed. She’s still just doing the same thing she’s been doing from the start of episode 1 - trying to force him away, because she’s desperate, and she’s suffering, and she doesn’t have anything else but this - even if he knows what she’s doing, even if it hasn’t worked so far. 

Both of them are guilty of this - both of them get one idea stuck in their minds of how to handle this situation/how to fix everything, and they both refuse to change. They both dig their heels in, plant their stakes, pick their hills to die on, and are refuse to budge for love, money, or common sense. For Lan it’s in trying to get her to talk, to open up, to push back on the destructive coping mechanisms she’s got - trying to force her to include him, tying to force her to include herself and come to dinner with them etc. For Mo it’s this: it’s pushing him away, because she is no longer worthy of him (and believes she never was) and protecting him.

(to continue this: unhinged adventure, pls continue under the cut!)

So she commits to this, even if she honestly knows it probably won’t work now, either. (she empties her entire quiver on him in this scene, and the atomic bomb she had in her back pocket too for good measure. These things she’s been holding back in reserve, the last cards to play - that she misled him about Rand’s death, that she has discovered they (and notice that she still says “we” when she talks about this - even though she went to the Eye alone, even though she made that choice alone, even though she rejects the idea that they have been together on this quest, as he says - when she is not actively choosing every word to hurt him, she thinks of them and what they’ve done as an unconscious “we” and a unit) have freed Ishamael/possibly other Forsaken - one after the other, meant to just overwhelm him and be the final coup de grace. And it STILL doesn’t work. She unleashes everything she has on him and he STILL insists that he’s not leaving her. And it’s because he knows - as he just said - what she’s doing, and why. And he will not let her. And he says that to her “I’m not letting you walk away from me again” - because the last time he did: she went to the Eye to get herself killed. And it’s only by some miracle and twist of cruelty that she was left alive to suffer instead.

Also I’m going to take a brief sidebar here, before we move on to Further Evidence/thoughts on this. But I think that it’s really important to consider LAN’S trauma in what he’s doing and why? Like, I think people are doing this for Mo already? They recognise that she wouldn’t be behaving this way if she 1)- wasn’t trying to protect Lan (her intention) and 2)- wasn’t suffering the effects of her trauma/being cut off from the Power at the Eye. Lan is a little less obvious (both in that his trauma is not a single fixed point/event that’s very obvious and easy to refer back to; and that he’s a bit less blunt Lan Mo’s “brick to the face” techniques and motivations) but, as I said at the start: his reactions to Mo are a direct reflection/window into his own trauma responses.

So, as I just mentioned - Lan is SO adamant about not leaving Moiraine, not giving her the opportunity to distance them/push him away - because the last time she did that, in just nudging him, like, an inch to the left, she used that to mask their bond and skip off into the Blight to go get herself killed with Rand. And there is: no doubt, and no question, and no room for wiggling or negotiation on this. They BOTH were FULLY aware that that was a suicide mission. The first thing he says to her when he finds her is “you’re alive” - because he was sure that history was repeating on him.

Because I think that it’s very important to not just consider Mo’s actions here, I think it’s important to remember Lan’s experience with Stepin as well. The two played out very similarly for him/parallel each other almost exactly. They both talked to him about Nynaeve, encouraging him to seek a love and a life with her. They both manipulated him/the circumstances to make it impossible for him to try and protect them - Stepin by drugging him, and Moiraine by masking the bond so he was unable to sense her, so that they could leave him. They both had clear plans and intentions - and both of their ultimate goals was for it to end in their death (obviously the REASONS behind this are very different - Mo was trying to save the world; while Stepin’s had already ended). But in both cases, Lan wakes up alone, realising that they’ve left him, realising, instantly, what they intend to do and in both cases: he was too late and he feels that he failed. Stepin he finds dead - and the only reason that he DOESN’T find that has happened to Mo is not because of something he did, it’s not because he got to her in time, it’s not because he protected her, it’s not because HE did anything at all - it’s just because some whim of cruelty decided to spare her. And these two events happen within, like, a week of each other I want to say? Like that’s…That’s an incredibly damaging and traumatising thing to go through ONCE - but back to back? How guilty must he have felt? How ANGRY with himself? Because how could he not have learned? How could he have let this happen AGAIN?

Of course he’s terrified now. Of course he’s terrified that if he leaves she’s going to die. Of course he refuses - past the point of any sense or reason - to just back down and leave. He is certain that if he does it will mean the death of the person that he loves the most in this world. And it will be HIS fault. She’s being cruel to him, she’s pushing him away, she’s ignoring him, she’s ordering him around, she’s deliberately pushing every button he’s got, and stabbing her knife in every sensitive spot she’s discovered over the last twenty years. And what kind of weak, selfish, useless person would he be to let that be all it takes for him to just say ‘well fine, I’ll just abandon you and let you kill yourself without me’. He cannot fail again. He WILL NOT fail again. He has been here, history is repeating on him again and he will not let it. Whatever she says to him. However she hurts him. Whatever he has to endure to weather this storm with her he will. Because none of this pain even comes CLOSE to what it will be like if he leaves her and she hurts herself and that is entirely his fault.

(Note: I do not actually think that Moiraine is actively suicidal at this point. As Verin notes - she chooses to fight every day. She wakes up, she fills her buckets, she puts one foot in front of the other and she clearly keeps going. It’s wobbly, and it’s messy, and she’s clearly grieving and depressed and traumatised - but she is not suicidal. Does LAN know that? Can Lan, without the bond, and with Stepin, and the Eye, haunting him even begin to scrape together the required rationality to see that? No. Lan sees Moiraine as being in just as much danger as she sees him being in and all he can do, all he has left to do in this world is protect her. And so he will).

To conclude the wrap of: the most painful breakup scene in the history of the world (for me and my present blorbos at this present moment in time, anyway) I want to just talk about the infamous “we were never equals”. And a lot of it has been covered, and I agree with the takes that Moiraine does not believe herself equal to Lan (and never did (SELF ESTEEM ISSUES!? IN MY CODEPENDENT PLATONIC SOULMATE RELATIONSHIP!? NOOOOO!!!!!!! NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)) and that is how she’s able to say this oath wise. I just want to touch on the fact that some people seem to be like ‘bro how can u not see what she’s saying DIRECTLY TO UR FACE, BRO!? COME ON LAN. LISTEN!!!!’ and like. So, to bring up a controversial and possible shocking observation: Lan is, in fact: still a human being! Emotions are messy, and logic is a fine and wonderful thing from a couch, yelling at your tv screen, and with the delightful ability to rewind and replay conversations/moments in time to be able to link them together nicely.

But Moiraine has been cruel to him for months at this point in an effort to drive him away. And, as discussed - he knows what she’s doing. He knows WHY she’s doing it. He is enduring it and putting up with it and stomaching it without throwing things at her because he knows it’s an expression of pain and is a reaction to what she’s been through. But he’s also hurt by it. Not least because: even if she’s only SAYING these things to hurt him/drive him away - she still believes them enough that they’re true for her to be able to actually get them out of her mouth. That HURTS. That’s going to break you down, that’s going to GET to you, that’s going to be thing that keeps him up at night and just echoes in his head over and over again and like - my man’s self-esteem and self-worth wasn’t actually sitting up at the peak of Dragonmount BEFORE 5 months of this, like dear Light people.

To have the person you love the most in this world tell you that “I don’t want my saddle to slip” (I don’t trust you to do this for me), to have her admit that she deliberately misled him, that she has actively kept important, possibly world-changing events from you, that she says, to your face - the thing that you are MOST afraid of, the thing that tormented him via Machin Shin, the thing that torments him still about Stepin - that he FAILED her? For her to believe that so firmly that it’s truth to her? Of course he doesn’t think he’s worthy of her? Of course he’s willing to take what she says at face value. SHE CAN’T FUCKING LIE!!!! And the set-up to this is so important, because she goes right for the jugular in this scene, and she does so repeatedly, in quick succession.

So she hits him with: ‘actually I lied when I said before that WE were going to the Tower - I’m going on my own without you. We yote a forsaken out into the world OOPS. -I refuse to explain anything to you. -We have never been walking this path together. -I have never showed you everything, I have always hidden things from you. -OH also ur lil sheepherder dude is actually: not dead and never was, I #lied to ur face abt that. -I am loyal to the Dragon - and ONLY him. -You can’t protect me anymore without the bond. -No, you’re not my Warder, you failed me, and I would be dead in spite of you if not for the help of people more competent than you. -ALSO here’s our good buddy Alanna and I am going to THREATEN TO HAVE HER TAKE YOUR BOND BY FORCE IF YOU KEEP REFUSING ME and I arranged this ahead of time to make this right. ALL of this gets dumped on his head in the space of LITERALLY AROUND TWO MINUTES. Like damn Mo the bloody Fades were less efficient than that.

He has just had all of that thrown in his face - the things she’s been holding back, keeping in case she needed them - her lying to him, her isolating him, her NEVER walking this path with him or ever showing him all that she saw, telling him that he is not her Warder anymore, that he has FAILED to protect her, that she will have him bonded against his will just to get rid of him. And he stands there on the ground, while she gazes down at him from on top of her horse (which she mounted - for the first time we’ve seen on screen - without his aid (which is a GUTTING little touch, because we see him smoothly and seamlessly help her mount a couple of times in season 1)) and she just says, to his face, the TRUTH, as he asked for: they were never equals.

And she can say that because she believes that he is better than her, and we know that, but can you blame him for not quite catching that in the moment????? She’s just told him that he’s a failure, that she’d be dead and he didn’t do a damn thing to protect her, that she will have someone bond him forcibly - and in this moment she just says what he’s been thinking for months, for YEARS honestly, given what machin shin torments him with “you can’t protect her. You’ll watch her die.” Of course he believes it. He is ALREADY taking an irrational level of responsibility over all of this, over what he perceives as his failures.

Adeleas calls him out for this and tells him he’s taking it too personally (and he IS) - he is assuming responsibility for not preventing something as though that means that he caused it. And again: this is a trauma response. This is an overreaction to a perceived series of circumstances that led to the death of a friend he’s had for possibly decades, to the one person he is supposed to protect, who he let go on a suicide mission alone so that he could get fucking laid, who he let slip away from him AGAIN to get attacked by Fades - where he failed her FOR A THIRD TIME. But like…He starts this little conversation off with her by apologising because he didn’t sense the Fades. He has: absolutely no way, reasonable or other ways, to sense INVISIBLE CREATURES THAT MOVE THROUGH SHADOW without the bond giving him the ability to do so. It’s a ridiculous thing to say. It has no logic to it at all and that’s the POINT. He is not capable of logic about this situation. He is blaming himself for everything - every single thing he can think of, whether it’s reasonable or not, is his fault, and his responsibility - he should have sensed the fades, he should have sensed her leaving, he should have stopped her going to the Eye, he should have stopped her from being cut off. He is trying to assert control, he is trying to assign blame and reason to the things that have happened to him - to the losses he has suffered - so that he can stop suffering them. And he can’t. He can’t. It happens over. And over. And over. AND OVER again. The trolloc blade that hit Moiraine in the Two Rivers and nearly killing her. Logain’s shield exploding and the axe handle piercing her side and nearly killing her. Being drugged by Stepin who killed himself while Lan was absent. Letting himself be distracted by Nynaeve while Mo went to the Eye. Missing Mo leaving AGAIN and her being attacked by the Fades. Actually getting there while the attack was in progress finally at LAST being able to DO something, to STOP something - and he can’t even fucking manage that. Over and over and over he fails people and he loses them and it’s his fault and he can’t stop it. He’s been retraumatised by circumstance, and is now retraumatising HIMSELF by adding even more perceived failings to the existing tally. Of course he believes her. He’s just been waiting for her to say that to him from the day they bonded. NO ONE IN THIS DYNAMIC HAS ANY SELF-ESTEEM. LIKE THEY STARTED WITH ZERO TOTAL AND SOMEHOW IT’S GOTTEN WORSE.

Okay so shifting focus slightly for the last thing I want to say about Lan, but still related, because: the problem (for me) is not that they cannot read/understand each other, it’s that they cannot COMMUNICATE with each other. And there is a distinction here. Lan’s issue is not lack of understanding where Mo is at - he sees her suffering, knows she’s not fine, understands she is reacting to the loss she endured at the Eye, he gets that. He’s known her for twenty years - bond or no bond - he knows what pain looks like when he sees it in her eyes. That’s not it. What he’s struggling with, and what he’s frustrated by is that they are not TALKING. He knows how she’s feeling - he doesn’t know what to do about that. He doesn’t know how to TALK about that with her. He doesn’t know how to fix it because she refuses to engage with it at all - and they’re SO bad at this that they don’t even get to the part where she can ignore him trying to talk abt the actual problem, bc she just nips it in the bud and ignores him/deflects him from the opening bland ‘small-talk’ set-up questions to start making forrays into that. 

Because before all of that would have happened instinctively via the bond - she feels the bad feels, he knows why, he sends the required good feels back/makes her tea/gives her an extra blanket/just responds without having to think about and, and this is the key point: without having to talk. Because, let’s be real here: these idiots BOTH suck at talking about their emotions/needs. Genuinely think they would both just lie on the ground and fucking die rather than say ‘I need a bandage because I’m BLEEDING PROFUSELY FROM EVERY ORIFICE.’ Because they’re deeply repressed, traumatised people who were never given the tools/language/space they needed to be able to safely and healthily learn to express their feels (but that…is a different piece of meta for another day). 

THE POINT IS: we’re now going to turn to my beloved, my man, my favourite, the myth, the legend, the ICON: Tomas and his tomatoes. And by this I do of course mean that we’re doing a deep dive of the scene where Tomas gives Lan some advice after they go out to the (absolutely THRIVING - good job my man) garden to pick some tomatoes for dinner (or at least….Tomas goes out to pick tomatoes for dinner; and Lan goes out to brood in his proximity while he does so. ) But eh. Tomayto, tomahto….) ANYWAY: 

So this scene gives Lan a chance to talk about losing the bond - and I think that is important as well? Likely obviously Moiraine is Going Through It here, and Lan hasn’t been cut off from the Power/isn’t dealing with that experience but WE DON’T PLAY TRAUMA OLYMPICS IN THIS HOUSE!!! PAIN IS PAIN AND IT SHOULD ALL BE VALIDATED AND DEALT WITH IN A CONSTRUCTIVE AND POSITIVE WAY. Ahem. Anyway. It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for: QUOTE TIME AGAIN;

“The bond made things easier. It was like a friend walking along with us chatting away so we never had to.”

I think this is a really interesting (and honestly fascinating) way to describe the bond - to personify it and see it as another individual existing between them and making things easier by doing the things that they both struggle to do - use their goddamn words. 

“She’s tired, she’s hungry, she’s angry, she’s afraid. Now silence.”

This part, too, I think is really telling. Because if I had to put money on it and pick out the Top 4 Feelings Moiraine Is Having I think I could do a lot worse than ‘tired, hungry, angry, and afraid’. He KNOWS how she’s feeling. He can read that in her still. He doesn’t need the bond to tell him that. That’s not what he’s missing. He doesn’t need the bond to point out what she’s feeling to him, and he doesn’t miss that aspect, he misses the ‘chatting away’, he misses the noise, he misses the COMMUNICATION, and he is struggling with the silence.

THAT is what the bond used to do for them - it used to ‘chat away so they never had to’. A friend, a helper, who facilitated between them and allowed them to communicate when they couldn’t speak/didn’t have the words. We see this over and over and OVER again in season 1. They have whole ass conversations without making a single peep. Most notably in extremely tense or emotional moments - Kerene’s funeral and the look they share, Lan struggling with Stepin’s grief, coming to Moiraine, kneeling beside her, holding her hand - so much happens in that scene in particular. Without saying a word he communicates an exhaustion, a fatigue, a grief and a sorrow - a need for comfort and support - and she gives it. At Stepin’s funeral - the lookk that he gives her, the way he seeks her in the crowd, again needing her strength, which she gives to him through their bond and across a room. THAT’S what’s gone. That’s what he keeps trying to get back. 

Because he gives her that same look - that same obvious cry for help and look of desperation at the end of ep 1 with the Fade battle. He is WRECKED he is DONE, he’s disarmed, he cannot stand, he can barely crawl - he NEEDS her, he needs her strength, he needs her help. She tries to channel - she reaches for the power, as she would once have reached for him through their bond - and it does not come. It is not there. It cannot help them. And the words that he speaks to her then echo a repeated sentiment he’s had for her throughout: “what aren’t you telling me?”

The bond isn’t there to talk for her anymore. And she refuses. Consistently. Verin and Adeleas comment on Bayle visiting - and Lan notes that she doesn’t tell him any more than she tells them. After Bayle is gone, Lan tries to small talk, he slaps on a casual little smile and he asks a mundane ‘let’s start the ball rolling on that conversation thing’ question, easy to answer, nothing tense, nothing painful, a very common “how did it go?” she ignores him. He presses further - asks who that person was? She gives him the bare minimum (and doesn’t answer the question he’s ACTUALLY asking) and then he tries to push again - what did she want. At which point she hits him with that fake smile and the ‘can an aes sedai not have her secrets?’ - and he’s not even really asking for much. He’s not asking what he actually wants to ask which is: how are you? Are you okay? What can I do? What do you need? What are you thinking? And this idea repeats - in ep 2, when he tries to point out it takes 8 aes sedai to cut someone off, she snaps that he has no conception of the power the forsaken have - so he snaps at her to tell him then. And she refuses. 

They are both FEELING - and their feelings are seen. Lan sees how Mo struggles he sees how she shuts herself away, he sees that she’s not eating, and not sleeping, that she’s frustrated, and she’s frightened. Mo sees that she’s hurting him, she sees that he’s frustrated as well. They know this. But they’re not TALKING. They’re not COMMUNICATING. And at the dinner sequence - this is what Verin, Adeleas and Tomas try to give them advice about - their history is the “common language” that they are; maybe he needs to listen to what she IS saying and not try and demand her to say other things. They don’t know how to talk about things like this - they’re not good at that ANYWAY - but with each other? When they’ve never had to before? When for once, for the first time for both of them, it was effortless to share these things and communicate these deep insecurities and emotions that they struggle to give to others? THAT’S what they’re lacking and that’s what the biggest problem is.

Alright let’s leave poor Lan be for now, I have tormented him enough. On to Momo. This will (hopefully, dear god) be shorter, because people have covered Mo before. We know that she’s traumatised, we know she’s trying to push Lan away to protect him, we know she’s trying to regain control, she feels powerless, she feels helpless, she is trying to deal with something life-altering, something that made her vulnerable and helpless, she’s being reckless with her safety, she’s taking foolish risks etc etc.

The point I want to touch on here is the idea around her ‘manipulating’ Lan, because I usually see this go hand-in-hand with the Lan stuff I talked about already. Largely: how ironic that without the bond Lan doesn’t understand her/cannot read her, but Moiraine is doing it so well with him and i must: respectfully decline to go along with that perspective. And this is (I imagine u know what im going to say now) *inhales deeply* because they SUCK AT COMMUNICATING!!!! 

It doesn’t really MATTER that he is trying to open her up/communicate that he loves her, and he’s there for her, and he wants to support her; while she is trying to communicate the same - she loves him, she cares about him, she wants to protect him. They are both: failing dismally. Lan’s incessant pestering of Mo to talk to him is just making her clam up more and more because she can’t and what’s more: she doesn’t bloody want to. She wants to shove her trauma under a rug in the corner of Verin’s study, and then she wants to drag a bookshelf over the top of it, and then she wants to fill the bookcase with books, and then she wants to put a whole bunch of extra things on top of the bookcase, and then she wants to flee the country and forget that any of that ever exists because she does not want to deal with it. And Lan keeps pushing. He keeps trying to make her talk, because he’s desperate, and he misses the chattering of their friend the bond, and he wants to help, her wants her to let him back in, and it’s just pissing her off. Which is what the cottage squad calls him out for (when will Mo get her ‘come to jesus’ talk?? For Fairness? Like i need this too).

So Lan is coming at this: far too softly, and far too indirectly in a lot of ways. He never asks about what he actually wants to ask about. He talks about the weather, or how shiny Aldieb’s coat is this morning, or how nice and red and juicy Tomas’s tomatoes are. He never actually just says what he wants to say which is: “I love you, and I’m worried about you, and I’m failing you more and more every day and I’m sorry and I need you” he pussyfoots around it and avoids it and lets her shut him down because that hurts and, well, he deserves that hurt so alright then.

And then there’s Mo. Who has managed to somehow twist the logic of the universe so that she can say “I love you” by, uh *checks notes*: Not saying anything at all/ignoring him. Or by saying things like “you failed me” instead. Because she is just THAT powerful. Okay I’m being a bit sarcastic here, clearly, but she has convinced herself (based on how her trauma is affecting her) that she: 1)- does not deserve Lan/is not worthy of him and so he should leave her so he can be happy and 2)- she needs to protect him and so he should leave her and go and be safe.

Maybe she tried to articulate this at some point? Sit him and down and be like ‘okay Allan so I know u have a lot of trauma abt, like, being abandoned/being left behind so ppl u love can go do themselves great harm but…it would REALLY be just swell for me if u left me all by myself while i go through possibly the worst things that’s ever happened to me: alone. Okay? Okay.” However I doubt this. Bc, as previously and repeatedly discussed: these two can’t communicate for SHIT right now.

I think she probably made some sort of roundabout suggestion? Like she didn’t directly say ‘you need to leave me because reasons’ but she probably…asked him to go the White Tower and watch over Nyn and Eggy, or maybe go with Perrin and the Shienarans to help, or even ‘hey remember Mat? The little scrungly one?? I wonder where he is’ and he just told her ‘absolutely fucking not’ (or words to that effect) so she had to try something else instead. Which is: being mean af.

So far so good and I think we’re all (relatively) in agreement to this point. But then people think…She’s being successful here? And she’s reading him well - largely because she knows EXACTLY what to say to hurt him? And yes, she absolutely does, I will 100% give you that. Blade directly to the heart each and every time, she never misses. HOWEVER. This is not the actual point. Causing Lan pain is not her endgame - it’s actually just the painful middle step that’s hurting her too to try and get her to her endgame.

Manipulation essentially involves doing ‘y’ (in this case being deliberately cruel/causing Lan pain) to make the person do ‘x’ (in this case: push Lan away and make him leave her), in theory/if it’s super successful: without the person realising that you’ve orchestrated this/making it seem like it was all their idea/decision. This is, uh, not working too great. It’s been 5 months and Lan is probably less likely to leave her now than he was when she started (because he now has 5 months worth of knowing that she is actively trying to get him to leave so she can do the Light only knows what and if that’s what she wants him to do while she’s in this state then it’s absolutely the last thing that he feels he should do - so in that sense this has actually backfired kinda spectacularly on Mo. Because: SHE’S COMMUNICATING JUST AS BADLY AS HE IS!!!!!!!!!! Just. On the COMPLETE opposite end of the spectrum to him. Because they’re drama and aesthetic that way.

And the added bonus content of this is: she CAN do this. She can (and does) manipulate people spectacularly well. Take Bayle for example (god she needed that little win SO badly, bless her and her buckets). She wanted: to see/examine the broken heartstone - but what is she actually going to DO with it? She doesn’t want to put it in a fancy display case or collect it, she wants to know WHY it broke. So what she ACTUALLY wants from him is information. Information such as: the poem. So she haggles with him on the thing she actually wants - makes him feel like he’s getting a win when he agrees to budge on that, far cheaper, item - but then he counters and says that he won’t move on the heartstone chunk itself - which she has no interest in. So she gets her essential infodump poem for a bargain price, and takes Bayle down like six pegs in the process. 10/10, excellently managed misdirection, making him do all the work and lowering the price of the poem so she didn’t even have to ask for it, and making himself look like a plonker into the bargain. Delicious. She CAN manipulate people - she just cannot manipulate Lan (not in this instance/about this anyway) because she’s as wrongfooted as he is, and is scrambling as much as he is without the bond, to try and find a language she never thought she’d need to try and speak with him.

And so if we now consider BOTH of them: they’re in this very weird space here, where the traumas that they have suffered, and the reactions they’re having are placing them in this fundamental position of opposition. Because their needs/the things they believe/have convinced themselves they have to do put them in direct conflict with one another. They’re like an immovable object meets an unstoppable force, right? And this idea reveals itself in several smaller ways - eg: Lan thinking that Mo needs company and to not isolate herself to get better; while for Mo that just feels completely intolerable and she wants to be alone and in Her Space, her study, where she is in control and can pretend to her visitors/informants that all is well and nothing has changed. But I think the biggest point it revolves around/where it’s most obvious is that, ultimately, their absolute overall goal is to protect the other person?

The difference/tragedy of this is that: Moiraine believes fundamentally that Lan is in danger WITH her, and that she has to make him leave in order to protect him. Lan believes fundamentally that Moiraine will be in danger WITHOUT him and that he has to stay in order to protect her. And this is the hill they’ve both chosen as their last stand/thing to die for. So she is going to push him and push him and push him, and she is going to hurt HERSELF by being crueller and crueller and crueller to him to protect him. And all the while he is going to endure and endure and endure and let himself be hurt to protect her.

AND THEN IT GETS WORSE (or better if ur twisted and u enjoy these kinds of parallels the way i do) because: they are both stubbornly trying to protect the other; but they’re also both feeling like they’re martyring themselves/are hurting themselves more and more to do so. She feels like he is being stubborn and forcing her to hurt him more and more every day - which she does not want to do - when he could just go, just let this end, just leave her the way she clearly wants him to! But this will make her stronger. She will be stronger for this, for having let him go, and for knowing that at least she managed to protect him. So she will just keep going - tomorrow, that will do it, he has to break tomorrow, he has to finally break tomorrow. And this goes on. The next day. Maybe the next day. The next–

And then HE feels like he is enduring, and that the pain she is inflicting on him is his cross to bear, and he has to endure it because he will NOT leave her, no matter what she throws at him. And it’s almost a test of his will and his love and his devotion (even though I think he knows it’s not: but it’s kind of become his own little personal quest. Because yes. Yes he SHOULD suffer this way. She SHOULD hurt him like this. He deserves it after how he failed her. He has to take this pain. He has to prove what he’s willing to go through for her, prove how dedicated he is, how much he will suffer for her, how even she cannot break him). And he too is thinking that next day it will get better. If he can just endure, just survive this onslaught, it will end. It will get better. She will get better. This will pass. He just has to prove his strength and last as long as he needs to in order to see that through.

And, to bring us back to the start of this extremely long and rambling essay I present you my final, deeply insightful, deeply professional, deeply ~meta~ thought which is that: they are BOTH. SO. FUCKING. S T U P I D!!!! (in a genuinely really interesting and complex and  fascinating way, as i have hopefully discussed/explained - the idea that their lost bond/connection makes them mirror/echo each other but now in a destructive way? That instead of seamlessly and instinctively meeting each others’ needs they are both unconsciously and unintentionally triggering the other person’s trauma and making things WORSE? What an absolutely fascinating take/an incredibly subtle but profound way to show the depth of exactly what they’ve lost/how much it has affected them while ALSO rooting the entire thing in their individual traumas, experiences, and characters - like who ever wrote/conceived of this NEEDS A GODDAMN RAISE I SWEAR) But also yes they are: morons. Absolutely. Without a doubt. One singular moron brain cell that ping pongs between the two of them but is, fundamentally: the same. Absolutely fucking delighted. Can’t wait to see where this goes from here. Join me again in the future for me: ‘wow Rowyn that’s a whole lotta thoughts u got there buddy’.

Also I swear I’m friendly and I like engaging/talking with ppl! Pls feel free to comment/reblog/message!!! And do note that if u reblog i WILL read and appreciate ur tags bc im: one of those Old People. 

OKAY BYEEEEEE!!!

#moiraine damodred #moiraine sedai #lan mandragoran #molan #wheel of time #wheel of time prime #wot #wotprime #wotspoilers #wotshowspoilers #rosamund pike #daniel henney #wheel of time season 2 #wot s2 #wot meta #molan meta #my meta #look at all dat trauma #once again pls remember this was: stream of consciousness written with no forethought or afterthought #so no planning no editing no HINGES #yes i AM aware that this is about to get DEVOURED by content/posts abt the new ep but u know what? #i didnt claim to be smart #i just claimed to be unhinged #anyway i had a gr8 time with this im sure you'll all deeply appreciate my angsty insights making this all: Worse #pls enjoy #also pray for the readmore cut #i know this is long as shit #i TRIED #i TRIED REAL HARD TO PROTECT Y'ALL FROM THE ENDLESS SCROLL #but tumblr is: not a functional website

[loveyourownsmiilee]

Hey you're literally the only buddie account I trust especially right now since everyone is being… weird about buddie and saying things like they'll be okay with buddie not happening which is...an opinion lol what do you think about that and this interview

Hello! Awww well that’s honestly so sweet of you to think of me 🥹💜 I don’t think I’ll ever be OK if Buck and Eddie don’t end up together. Like so much of my time and energy has been invested in these two idiots that if they don’t get together like I’m just gonna be sad forever I think lol. But I definitely do think it’s happening, and it is on the horizon because I mean I’ve always believed that if either of the men are going to be queer in canon, then it’s pretty much a guaranteed thing for them to get together. Like you can’t have the chemistry that those two men have, and the fucking history that they share, and think that any other partner is going to be a better fit for either of them in the long run. So I do think that this is a steppingstone for them eventually giving us Buck and Eddie in a romantic relationship. I think we’re on the right track and it might take a little bit more but it’s definitely gonna happen.

In regards to this interview, I have always voiced how they are never ever going to confess to Buddie happening in an article or an interview. They are going to keep this under wraps for as much as they can because they know that this is something longtime fans, and even new fans have been really wanting to happen. Oliver is definitely not gonna give that away in an article that’s for sure. So I feel like what he said in this article is pretty standard way of avoiding, giving us any inkling as to whether or not it’s happening, which is normal because they’re never gonna allude to it until it actually happens. With that being said, I don’t think that this confirms that it’s never not happening either. He actually does say at the end that we’re gonna see Buck start to question things about himself as we go on. Like what else can that mean because if he’s already questioning his bisexuality, and he’s already seemed to embrace it since he’s going on a date with a man, I just feel like the other things he might start questioning about himself, is like any sort of confusing feelings he may be having. Clearly he’s still confused, and he had a kiss with a man that he very much enjoyed. He’s also gonna go on a date with a man and he seems nervous, but happy overall. But that’s not all that he’s gonna be questioning because he still has to question what he really was trying to do in 7.04 when he was upset and trying to get Eddie’s attention. It was misplaced on his part thinking it was all about Tommy when we the audience know it wasn’t about Tommy at all. So I feel like Oliver, mentioning that really can indicate that Buck is going to have a moment where he questions other things about himself, which can very much include his close bond with Eddie, and how they’re codependent, how they act like a married couple, how they coparenting Christopher together, and any and all attraction he may possibly have for Eddie. Because he’s going to eventually question the Eddie aspect of it all. So I think that’s what all might be alluding to with that sentence.

And we all know, well anyone who is media literate, that the entire purpose of that episode and the possible storyline moving forward was all about Buck and Eddie. Like everything points in that direction. So Tim trying not to completely discredit that relationship and mentioning how “right now” is not the right time, doesn’t mean it’s never gonna happen. For all we know he’s literally lying to us so we won’t be on his trail. Maybe it’s not gonna happen right now but as the season unfolds we see more seeds planting that indicates it happening “soon”. Either way I’m just so so so sure that this entire thing is gonna be a win for us Buddies bc like that’s the only logical way either one of their romantic stories end.

#juju answers #Camille-bee #buddie #tommy kinard #oliver stark #911 spoilers #911 speculation #tim minear #and thank you so much for trusting me with this it really means so much to me #I hope my answer did you justice 💜💜

[the-bi-space-ace]

Alright strap in I’ve got Crosshair headcanons and thoughts and you are being subjected to them hi hello enjoy:

Really craves friendship. Wants friends more than anything but for the life of him has never been good at making them. Mostly bc his defense mechanism is to be mean to keep strangers at arms length. Choose to have them dislike you before they even get a chance to make that decision themselves. It’s hard to penetrate those defenses.

AND YET this man contradicts every word he says. He hates regular clones huh? Then explain Cody and Echo and Mayday to me Crossy. Explain them to me bro. You even like Rex when it’s all said and done and that man PUNCHED YOU IN THE FACE. Explain yourself Crosshair.

Is pretty quiet for the most part but when he gets chatty it’s a mile a minute. He’ll sit next to his brothers or follow them around and just talk talk talk talk talk. Only happens once in awhile but when it does happen they all just stay quiet and listen to him. First time he did that to Echo it was completely out of the blue and he came up behind Echo and just started ranting. Echo stared at him with wide eyes for like ten minutes like ‘is this real? Is he okay?’ Before just sitting down and getting stuck in an hour long chat where he did like zero talking.

Gossipy bastard. Loves to gossip. Loves hearing it. Loves telling it. He’s so quiet most people forget he’s there and they say wild shit in front of him. He tells the 99 everything.

If one of his brothers asks who his favorite is he changes his answer depending on who has annoyed him most that day. ‘Oh you want to know who my favorite is? Wrecker, clearly. Hunter is my least favorite bc he took too long in the shower and used up all the hot water.’

Massive sweet tooth. Keep this man away from a candy store he’ll give himself cavities.

If they’re training playing with fake blasters he makes a ‘pew pew’ sound when he ‘shoots’ it. Super quiet and under his breath but he does it.

He has a game where he tries to see how many tiny rolled up pieces of paper he can get into Hunter’s hair or armor before Hunter catches on. Oh the amount of times he’s been yanked from his bunk after being caught is innumerable.

Loves listening to Tech infodumping but will never admit it out loud. He has learned so much and has found a lot of it fascinating but prefers to sit quietly and keep his eyes closed while Tech talks.

Him and Wrecker have so many more competitions than just the one. They compete all the time. Who can run the fastest. Who can name the most planets. Anything. As long as it’s a competition.

Pretends to be asleep so people don’t ask him to do things and then promptly actually falls asleep.

Cries. Like a lot. Well. Not a lot just a lot more than you’d think. While most people would think he’s too aloof for that I think he picked up a good habit of letting out big bursts of emotion because he always saw Wrecker do it. And he trusts Wrecker. Doesn’t like crying in front of other people but will hide to get some emotion out before rejoining the group.

Secret softy. But in the way where he’ll make fun of his brothers while doing something nice for them. He’s picking up their fave candy from a shop? He’ll throw it at their face when he gives it to them. They’re upset? He’s going to find a way to make sure they get a good meal and have some company but he’s going to be aggressive about it. ‘You haven’t eaten since yesterday. You’re being an idiot. Eat the fucking burrito I went to three different places to find one that would give me the salsa you like now don’t waste my time.’

His toxic trait is acting like he hates when one of them is hugging him as they are hugging him. ‘Ugh get off of me. You’re the worst.’ As he’s tightly hugging them back. Crosshair, honey, why are you like this?

#the bad batch #tbb crosshair #crosshair bad batch #tbb echo #echo bad batch #tech bad batch #hunter bad batch #tbb tech #tbb hunter #tbb wrecker #wrecker bad batch #I love crossy and I have thoughts of him all the time #this doesn’t even scratch the surface about what I think about him

[ethanlandryshotwife]

Hello 😊 how are you?

I’ve been wondering please write Xavier x shy femreader who’s a normie and they’re dating. When every time she visit Xavier at the weathervane (I don’t drink coffee, I’m hot chocolate heavy on the whipped cream), her jock best friend along with his friends go with her bc they wanted to see Xavier being clingy lovey dovey towards her. Bonus: she & her friends are also friends with Eugene Ottinger & Wednesday Addams

𝐖𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐞-𝐗𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐫 𝐓.

SUMMARY: Xavier and Y/n want their friends to meet, little do they know they all made a bet on who is the clingiest.

PAIRING: Xavier Thorpe x Reader

WARNING: grammar mistakes, Xavier being a clingy hoe.

A/n: I totally agree with the hot chocolate I don't like coffee because it doesn't taste right for some reason. Thank you for this request! if you have any more don't be afraid to share<3

Words:552

This is horribly written but anyways.

___

Are you sure that your friends are okay, with me being a normie?

I text Xavier unsure about this whole thing. Me and Xavier wanted to meet each other's friends, but I am getting bad feelings about this. I hope everything goes smoothly.

Baby there is no need to be nervous they're going to love you

He replied in a matter of seconds:

Nevermore students usually hate norms because they hate them. I do not find harm to people who are different.

"Y/nnnn." A familiar voice sings from outside my room. "Are you ready?" Jaden asks me.

I have known Jaden since 1st grade. Some kids had snatched my animal crackers out of my hand, and Jaden took them back and pushed the kid onto the ground.

"Yeah, I guess,'' I answer, I grab my shoes from my shoe rack and I walk out of my room.

Once I enter the living room, I see my friends.

Tay, Jamie, & Hayden. I met all of them through Jaden. They're all like brothers to me.

They all wanted to meet Xavier to make sure 'He was right for me, ’ as they would put it.

“Hurry up we’re ready to meet your lover boy.” Jamie says. I blush at the fact that they call Xavier my lover boy.

"Let me put my shoes on." I say.

Jaden drives us to weathervane. The whole car ride was just them teasing me about Xavier.

We were the first to arrive. I picked up a booth close to the door. About two minutes later, Xavier and his friends walked through the door.

Xavier, Enid, Ajax, and Wednesdays walked toward the booth. "Hey, baby." Xavier said, then, leaning in and giving me a kiss.

Xavier slides next to me. His friends found places to sit. "Hi, I'm Enid nice to meet you!" A cheery blonde girl with pink and blue ends says, holding out her hand to shake.

"I'm Y/n." I say shaking her hand. Everyone then introduces themselves to one another.

"We've heard a lot about you." Ajax says from across the table: "A lot would be an understatement." Wednesday adds. Xavier goes red at the comment, and so do I.

The group then started talking about other things. Xavier slides his hand into mine. "I love you." he leans over and says into my ear, and I feel my face heat up.

"I love you too." I whisper into his ear. "Are you guys even listening?" Tay said, causing the whole table to look at me and Xavier.

"Me, Wednesday, Ajax, and Hayden clearly already won the bet, you guys might as well give up." Jaden says. "What I bet?'' I ask them.

Everyone's face panics except for me, Xavier, and Wednesday's natural glare.

''Idiot." Jamie says smacking the back of Jaden's head "What are you guys talking about?" Xavier asks.

"Jaden should be the one to tell them since he blabbed about it." Ajax says. "That's not fair!" Jaden whines as a two-year-old would. "Fuck! I'll do it!" Enid says rolling her eyes at the boys childist behavor.

"So basically everyone made a bet on who would be the clingiest." Enid explains.

"Anyways, I clearly one nothing new." Jaden says "You guys are so childish." I giggle.

"Who was the clingiest though?" Xavier asked

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[rollercoasterwords]

i feel like a kid in a candy shop so many options and from ur beautiful brain ugh ok awful first impression + poorly timed confession 4 jegulus (or r/s if it’s easier) MWAH

anything 4 u ren mwah 💋 ok jegulus awful first impression & poorly timed confession….bear w me here ok im imagining a modern au they’re all in uni together EXCEPT reg who goes 2 a different school. but their whole group of friends has planned a summer holiday 2 like france or something 2gether - like j & r & s & peter etc but also the gals like lily marlene mary etc…james has been pining after lily 4 ages like they study 2gether all the time & he thinks they’ve been flirting etc & he has this big dramatic plan 2 confess his love & ask her out in front of the eiffel tower. meanwhile s has decided 2 bring his younger brother along on the trip they’ve been estranged 4 years and he goes 2 a different school so none of s’s friends have met him but he reached out 2 s this year & they’ve started reconnecting it’s all v tenuous but s is clearly hopeful abt it. anyway they’re supposed 2 meet up in france but his brother’s flight gets delayed so while the rest of them r going sightseeing s goes 2 pick up his brother. they reach the eiffel tower s & his brother show up just in time 2 see james do his big dramatic confession maybe there’s a musical number maybe there’s flower petal confetti (peter helps r does not) it’s embarrassing & over the top & everyone is staring. at the end of it lily is staring at james like he’s gone mad & she’s like um. u know mary is like. my girlfriend right. like i’m a lesbian. & james is like. oh! & reg is like. this is ur best friend? what a fucking idiot….the woman’s got a carabiner of keys clipped 2 her belt loop…bam awful first impression. due 2 the poorly timed confession. & then they have 2 share a bed 4 the remainder of the trip bc r&s insist on sharing & peter & marlene r good friends so he gets 2 stay in the girls’ room. yay <3

trope mashup ask game

#ask #maybe i should start writing fluffy oneshots these r kinda fun lol #hi ren <3

[grendelsmilf]

Wrt blue eyes brown skin animated/comics characters i feel like in manga/anime/jrpgs/etc it comes over as an emphasising(?) of a character's Foreigness. Like I think you see a lot of SWANA coded fantasy characters (or I guess orientalist stereotypes to put a finer point on it) in Japanese media have designs like that and I always took it as a conflation of like Things That Foreigners Have.

Then with your ATLAs and what have you it's that anime influence (as well as other factors I'm sure) not being examined i guess.

(Also like. racist character design inclinations to making them look "more interesting" or whatever. I think I phrased that badly but. you get it.)

And then Kabru's got dunmeshi specific worldbuilding shit going on with his backstory iirc

yeah there’s definitely a sort of orientalist fetishization going on. i mean u see ppl do this in real life when it comes to brown ppl w green eyes, but then animation will take it a step further by giving them blue eyes, which is crazy. i remember one time i joked abt how sick & twisted it is that katara and sokka have blue eyes and some idiot got rly heated bc apparently i “don’t understand that their eyes HAVE to be blue bc they’re from The Water Tribe” and like. well first of all that isn’t even a necessary narrative stipulation. iirc hama had dark eyes. but also it was a joke….. like. relax maybe??? anyway. you don’t just see it in your atlas and dungeon meshis where there are in universe character explanations for these factors, but elsewhere, purely for aesthetic purposes with no underlying thematic motivation. i do think that kabru kind of subverts this trope by being specifically unsettling due to his blue eyes instead of it making him “more attractive” (within the white supremacist imagination). like, he would literally be so beautiful if not for his fucking. creepy ass penetrating cerulean gaze. and ryoko kui is clearly participating in a lot of deliberate subversions and skewerings of established genre / anime conventions, so i don’t mind that kabru performs this function. but the pervasiveness of this design is really weird to me, because yeah. it’s racist.

#ask #anon #o.tv